#myb0dych3ck

[overit2319]

Using old pics of myself as thinspo, can’t believe my legs and arms were that skinny just the beginning of this year 😭 ruined myself these past few months fr

[pinkthingtragedy]

my ed isn't necessarily a bad thing

I understand that when I was deeply into anorexia (I was eating 200/300 cals a day, I used to starve for more than 4 days) I didn't feel good, I didn't have a life, food was the only thing in my mind, and also I was eating really shitty, only processed food, no veggies, basically no water and only diet coke and other zero cal drinks.

and bulimia ofc wasn't a good thing, I've been clean for more than 250 days

(yippie)

but then I tried recovering... and omg worst decision ever

my weight before, at the time was 57 kg, but usually it was always around 63 kg and now I'm over 70, and I get that all the meds that I took have a huge part in this, but I gained so much when I tried to eat like a normal human being, and oh man if I hate it.

I hate it so much.

my arms are huge, my belly is colossal, my legs look like two giant hams, my face went back to being chubby and puffy, my boobs are enormous, they ruin every outfit, even my hands become so big.

I look so stupid, everything that I wear looks embarrassing because I'm fucking fat.

I don't want a relationship now because I'm too fat to be fucked, I know that I am not disgusting, because what's really disgusting is all this fat that needs to be GONE asap

the plan that my nutritionist gave me didn't change anything, but at least now I know how to balance a meal properly

I lost all of my discipline in these two years, I need to get back on track.

I'm not a free spirit, I crave control, I crave order, it was always like this and this needs to be embraced.

I'm not going to fall into a deep hole, I'm not going to eat less than 700 cal, I will simply eat from 700 to 1000 cal, adding some work out.

AND BINGES ARE NOT ALLOWED

I'm going to start college, I need amazing grades, I need to clean my room and my house, I don't want to live in the dirt anymore, I need to study piano again, I was really good and I love the attention of people when I play it, and I need to start reading again because I can't be this ignorant.

and, the most important, I NEED TO BE SKINNY

If you're skinny people take you seriously, people actually like you, being skinny is a literal flex, clothes look good on you, and you just become prettier because your face slim down.

oh, to be a simple pretty white girl.

I was always the weird one, the stupid one, the funny one, the kind one, but never the skinnier or the prettiest or the smartest.

I want that to change.

I need to change.

I need to be untouchable.

I want to finally be pretty, be desired, be liked.

[ghost-0f-me]

I HAVE HAD THIS ACCOUNT FOR LESS THAN AN HOUR- ALREADY??

[overit2319]

For someone that cries so much about wanting to lose weight, I sure do eat a lot

[overit2319]

Love finding old body checks when I was 10 pounds lighter than what I am now😭

For example:

Just as obsessed with myself as I hate myself💅

[overit2319]

Again going through the pics of me when I was skinny to get out of this binge I’ve been going through today 😭😭

[overit2319]

Same clothes (minus the hoodie in the first one lol) 2 days apart. (6th & 4th)

Looking less bloated, love that my hipbones show through my pants and how empty I look. I was eating more the days before and day of the 4th and..

Just wish I got a better pic on the 4th 😭😂

[overit2319]

Not so satisfied with how I ate today but satisfied I stayed under what I needed to.

[overit2319]

Appreciate the reminder

[overit2319]

Missing when I looked like this 😭😭😭😭

[overit2319]

Back ig

[pinkthingtragedy]

more anime gif

[pinkthingtragedy]

106 kcal matcha latte to help with the fasting 💚

[pinkthingtragedy]

the nikocado avocado situation was really a wake up call

[pinkthingtragedy]

I can't keep being a slave to my period, today I will fast and tomorrow I will eat in a 900 kcal limit

ngl I'm scared of fasting, I haven't fast in a long time (that's probably why I'm so fucking fat) but I need discipline, luckily today I woke up nauseous 🙏

if you have any tips on fasting pls let me know

[ghost-0f-me]

THE FACT THERES SO MANY OMGGG