#my313 ᡣ𐭩

[boba-beom]

my offering today is nerd!beomgyu who cant admit that he likes hearing u praise him and pat his head like a puppy 😁

stawp it right now omg I couldn't stop giggling during this cb live :< he's so cute ARGHHHH!!

I swear it's meant to be fluffy, but there's some suggestive undertones here. I can't help it when I see beomgyu, praise and puppy in one sentence 🫠

nerd!beomgyu who has a strong personality when you're not close with him, but over time you gradually attempt to upgrade from your acquaintance phase and eventually to friends at the very least.

nerd!beomgyu who silently sits in the library on campus and nods after you ask if you can sit with him—not looking up from his paper and you feel a little disappointed given that you dolled up a little more today.

nerd!beomgyu who chews the inside of his cheeks when you buy him food or his favourite vinyls when he surpasses the whole class on an end-of-sem test once again.

nerd!beomgyu with the piles of books on his desk and some scattered on his bed when he invites you to his place to study together, shrugging his bag off his shoulder and momentarily taking his glasses off after a long day. you hate to admit that you found him even more attractive than you already did.

nerd!beomgyu who blushes when you take your sweater off and it slightly lifts your shirt underneath, exposing your waist and just beneath your bra, only leaving him to hope that you'd wear a baggier shirt so he'd catch the view of it next time.

nerd!beomgyu who's stubborn and tells you to take his desk while he's on the floor leaning against the side of his bed, the both of you doing a few worksheets while he has his vinyl record playing one of the vinyls you got him.

nerd!beomgyu who stretches and you turn to see him, dishevelled hair shying over his eyes and his mouth ajar to let out a strained groan. that noise was something that would be engraved in your head until the late hours into the night.

nerd!beomgyu who asks if you're done with your worksheet, comparing answers but then noticing that you struggled on a couple, asking him to show you how he got the answers.

nerd!beomgyu who bites the inside of his bottom lip when you coo praises and pat his head, "wow, you're so good at this beommie. no wonder you're always at the top of the class."

nerd!beomgyu who retaliates when you accuse him of being into praises and innocent head pats. "oh you love this don't you?" "what are you talking about." "well the tent in your slacks says a lot, puppy."

nerd!beomgyu whose cheeks and tips of his ears are furiously blushing when you point it out and from the nickname, and now even more when you ask him, "want me to reward you with something else?"

nerd!beomgyu who squeaks out a "please." before you lay a light hand over his crotch. he loves being praised by you. he loves head pats. and most of all, he loves being your nerdy sub. and you know that too.

[boba-beom]

evie my heart fell (for beomgyu) but also for your writing, it was written so prettily :(

from beomgyu indirectly saying it’s for his crush and then for you to hear it at the concert?! gosh that feeling of him looking your way as he sings it to so many people :’) it makes my heart flutter 🥰 and the way reader had to think abt having to share their beomgyu 😔🫶🏼

also peach eyes 😭 this is gonna be something I associate with the song whenever I listen to it! this is literally going to have my sobbing when I watch his wonder performance too. everything’s starting to remind me of beomgyu but I’m far from complaining 🥹

can I just say, my favourite parts were, “I owe you a date for making you cry.” and, “please let me keep writing for you.” “I’ll write for you forever if you let me.”

peach eyes *ੈ 🍑⸝⸝ ༘⋆ choi beomgyu

now playing 𝄞₊⊹ peach eyes - wave to earth

⋆ pairing: beomgyu x gn!reader

⋆ summary: beomgyu's love songs have always only had one muse, and he thinks it's high time you start getting credit for that

⋆ genre/themes/warnings: fluff, pining, gyu is in a band, f2l, public confession

⋆ word count: 1.3k

a/n: THIS IS NOT PROOFREAD LMAO i wrote this in like an hour or so bc i could not stop yapping about fanlive wonder beomgyu he can save me any day!!!! . and um well i was also thinking abt beomgyu being w2e coded so this is the result of my delusions (im insannenenne) ANYWAY ENJOY BC I DEFINITELY ENJOYED WRITING THIS

“oh, when’d you write this one, beomie?” 

beomgyu has endless entries in his journal dedicated to you. he can't find the words to describe you normally, but as the muse to all his songs, only his lyrics can ever portray the beauty he sees in you. 

you get the privilege of hearing his songs in their most raw. it’s his way of being completely vulnerable with you, sharing the pages of his journal that not even his band members have seen. secretly, he hopes you catch on and realize that these flowery words are not from his reimaginations of romance movies. no – they’re all about you. 

that’s what’s happening right now. you’re sprawled out on his bed, flipping through his journal as if it wasn’t his most prized possession, while he sat on his desk trying to work through his audio files. your eyes scan through the page, titles scribbled all over until you find the one left untouched called ‘peach eyes.’ 

“just a week ago or something. i think the guys want to play it on our next gig,” his chair swivels towards you as he asks for your opinion. beomgyu appears nervous, even if it is just the two of you in his room – an occurrence that has become part of his weekends ever since you met. he’s trying to gauge your reaction, following the direction of your stare on his notebook. “what do you think?”

“hmm, well…” you turn to beomgyu, head tilted in thought. “i’d have to hear it for a full review, don’t you think?” your voice comes out teasing, accompanied by a grin that makes beomgyu want to whip out his guitar and play the song for you as many times as you want, any time of day. if you called at three in the morning, he would still say yes.

but choi beomgyu has bigger plans for this one particular song. so while it pains him to see your pouting, he surprisingly says no.

this is the first time beomgyu has ever refused to play a song for you in the time that you’ve become his songwriting confidant. you know he’s always valued your thoughts, which makes you wonder why he’s suddenly closed off about this one specific song. a love song, at that. 

you audibly gasp, exaggerating your reaction to his rejection. “did you… maybe… get a crush, beomie?” he blinks repeatedly, taken aback by your question. “is that why you won’t play it for me? is it just for them?” 

“you’re silly,” he laughs it off. “i’m saving it for the show.. but i guess, you’re not exactly wrong.” 

“i guess i’ll have to come watch to hear it, huh?” you shut his notebook before sitting up. “my days as your first listener are over.” his laughter echoes throughout the room, and you can’t help but grin at how you make him brighten up. whoever he has his eyes on will definitely enjoy hearing not only the melodies he writes, but the ones that naturally flow when he speaks. beomgyu’s voice enchants you in every which way, even when he says something stupid. 

or ominous. like how he smiles mischievously, shrugging and says, “whatever you think, babe.” 

*ੈ 🍑⸝⸝  ༘⋆

today’s the day.

beomgyu’s band is playing at an outdoor festival today, and you made it a point to be in front-row of the crowd. you always joke about how you’ll have bragging rights for being one of his earliest fans when he starts hitting it big. for some reason, though, today, you’re scanning through people more often than usual. maybe you’ll meet ‘peach eyes’ in this show, and you’ll have to share your bragging rights (and your beomgyu) with someone else. 

swallowing thickly, you try to shake that odd feeling off your chest. you see the staff cleaning up from the last set and taking out a stool to put in the middle of the stage. beomgyu’s band has performed a few songs already, and as far as you know, this next one must be one of their last in the setlist.

the sun has faded into the skyline; a mesh of purple and pink illuminates the stage as you see beomgyu come out. he looks disheveled from the intensity of the other songs, but in his white button-up, rolled up sleeves, and brown hair hovering over his eyes, you think it’s the most charming he’s ever looked. 

you’re proven wrong once you see him prop himself on the stool and reach out for his electric guitar, donning a smile that knows he looks alluring to every person in the crowd. for beomgyu, he only hopes it works on you.

“how’s everyone tonight?” he speaks into the mic, cradling the guitar to his chest. “this next song is a new one. i haven’t played it for anyone yet, but there is someone tonight that i hope likes it more than anyone else..” 

“mostly because this song is about them,” the crowd is oozing excitement and curiosity. beomgyu laughs and prepares himself for the performance, but not before he scans the crowd quickly and finds you. his eyes are looking straight into you as he speaks tenderly, an affection saved for you,  “you’ll know who you are, right?”

you’re not foreign to the feeling of butterflies in your stomach when you hear beomgyu sing and play his guitar.

you shouldn’t be so flustered. not when he’s played for you in his bedroom, where your legs have rested on top of each other as he wrote lyrics; where he’s sat you on his lap and rested his hand on yours while trying to teach you the chords to your favorite song; where he’s sang you to sleep.

tonight, though, in the vast space of the field and grandeur of the stage, it feels like his bedroom again with the way he doesn’t take his eyes off of you as he sings into the mic. like you were the only two people there. 

its on the moonlight how many songs i write you’ll be my sunlight how could i not rely on you peach eyes

hearing the lyrics with his voice changes the meaning of the song entirely to you. reading a love letter will always be different to hearing someone profess their love to you, and it seems like beomgyu is doing exactly that. the sunset makes him look otherworldly; like a prince has come to ask for your hand.

your eyes are watering as you recall all the other songs he’s played for you. more than that, you remember the loving gazes and gentle touches he’s saved for you each time you enter his room and hear a new world of romantic metaphors and thoughtful harmonies. all about you. all for you. 

by the time beomgyu finishes his performance and sets his guitar back on the stand, your tears have gone down your face. beomgyu laughs affectionately, cooing from the stage. he takes the mic and looks your way again, “i owe you a date for making you cry, but i’m glad you liked the song.” 

you don’t expect beomgyu to move away from the stage, but he’s coming down from the steps and making his way to your part of the crowd until he’s right in front of you. he could give less shits about the barricade between you as he takes you into a warm embrace, letting you bury your tear-stained face on his shoulder and gently caressing your hair.

he moves the mic away from his mouth and whispers to you, “please let me keep writing for you,” he pulls away and tucks a hair behind your ear. “i’ll write for you forever if you let me.”

how could you possibly say no to that?

[huexuri]

𖥔 .⊹˚₊ 𝐱𝐮𝐫𝐢'𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐬! ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔

⊹ all these are under my #xuri reblogs tag! + so sorry to whoever i disturbed for @ !

my own fics here 𖥔 .⊹˚₊

🗝️ : [a] ➜ angst ‎‧ [s] ➜ smut (nsfw) ‧ [f] ➜ fluff

🦊 ⋆ yeonjun ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳

- @my313 : bewitched [f]

- @majestyjun : innocence kink [s]

- @beomnoullitheorem : orgasmic confession [s]

- @biteyoubiteme : wake up call (yj + hnk) [s]

🐰 ⋆ soobin ࣪⊹˚₊★

- @bowlofsoob : accidentally texting ur ex bff [f]

- @boba-beom : soobin n his mirrored ceiling [s]

- @beomiracles : melancholia, the fairytale [s]

- @izzy-stuff-1 : nerd [s]

🐻 ⋆ beomgyu ₊ ⊹˚ ☾

- @taegimood : reader and bestfriend!gyu making a bet on who would last the longest for nnn [s]

- @koqabear : like cat and mouse! [a] [s] [f]

- @beomgyucoded : love letters i won't send [a] [f]

🐿️ ⋆ taehyun ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚

- @soobinsonly1bf : tyun + fucking on a party [s]

- @tyunkus : amazon wishlist [s]

- @pjsfvs : angry sex w tyun [s]

- @mazeinthemoon : where are you, honey? [a]

- @miupow : just like magic! [s]

🐧 ⋆ hueningkai ꒦꒷₊ ࣪⊹˚

- @majestyjun : hueningkai + first time [s]

- @txtistheloml : hueka subxsub [s]

- @my313 : perv!hueningkai [s]

- @miupow : duality [s]

- @jjunieworld : stupid cupid! [f]

- @beomnoullistheorem : into you [s]

- @biteyoubiteme : wake up call (yj + hnk) [s]

💙 ⋆ ot5 ✚✖✚

- @jeongin-lvr : txt reactions when another member likes you [s]

- @thoughtsforsoob : s/o who struggles with food [a]

[© 𝐡𝐮𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐫𝐢 :: please don't repost/copy/steal my layouts/works onto tumblr or any other platform without consent/permission ]

[boba-beom]

https://x.com/beomgyuhourly/status/1774759081909096510?s=46&t=ryoDwR-i5TmlEo-Ss8qQ6w (sfw)

THE SHY GIGGLE AND SMILE AT THE END 😭😭😭😭 does he know im fragile .

HE IS STUNNING IT’S THE SHORT HAIR OMG IM IN LOVE WITH THE SHORT HAIR RAAAHH

his smirk gets me all. the. time AAAAAAA

[boba-beom]

SMILESJFKKSJD !!!

archi major beomgyu 😭 i can just imagine your friends elbowing u while buying food cuz they see beomgyu who is totally your type!! and u accidentally make eye contact with him while hes taking a bite, not expecting the goofy smile back at you

and then the two pics of him trying to catch ur attention across the street by playfully aiming at u with his poster tube and throwing u a heart 😭 so goofy and peak mid 2000s filipino romcom!!!!

EVIE AAAAAAAAA YOU DID NOT JUST CIDKCODO

wow as someone who has an interior archi degree I’m on the floor 🫠

when your friends are making a big fuss so it draws beomgyu’s and his friends’ attention towards you and when he looks over all your friends just “YIEEEE!” 🥹 cjdjcid but nawt the goofy smile, and you can’t help but smile back huhu

those two pictures are his playful way of flirting with you, and when you’re laughing he walks over to you and asks you if you do the same course but he’s a day student and you’re in the evenings but you only go on campus to use the facilities. also because your friends keeps chismissing about a cute guy on the same course during the day. who would have thought?!

“hi, you’re so pretty when you laugh. I’m beomgyu.” and he’d hold out his hand but not to shake, but to give you a cup of fishball or kwek kwek 😭

[boba-beom]

YOUR THEME!!!! I LOVE IT SM IT LOOKS SO COZY

THANK U BHIEEE URS IS SO CUTE N PRETTY TOO! I love the blossom wind chimes 🎐

cutieful smiley beomgyu for u

[boba-beom]

i have a jjunie offering … hehe

sfw link!! ^^^

HOLD AWN PHEW NOT A YJ EDIT AND THIS SONGGGGG

he’s giving major chickboy vibes but like, the type who only wants your attention and facetimes you or send you small clips of his day aaaaaaaaa “kumain ka na ba, beh?” [have you eaten yet, beh?]“tulog na, ha? see you in my dreams” [go to sleep now, okay? see you in my dreams] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I’m actually driving myself insane huhuhu

I also caved in and did the tiktok thinking yj would come into frame in that one part of the trend LMAOO

[boba-beom]

girl… i dont even have words to describe how this makes me feel

these photos oh my- BHIE when I tell you that moment in growing pain when they shoulder barge into each other 😵‍💫 that had my knees BUCKLED

[boba-beom]

i miss u smiles!!! have this cutie patootie beomgyu 😭😭😭 i cant 💔

evie!!! omg i miss you too! i hope you’ve been well 🫶🏼 thank u for cutie beom 😭 the clip of him and soobin casually brushing their teeth on their way to a fanmeeting made me giggle, they’re so cute! here’s something for you too 🤭

because beomgyu in round pecs and a plain white shirt is enough for me to cry omg also this is what I imagine beomgyu to look like in your nsfw manga drawing fic 🫣

[boba-beom]

omg hi SORRY IF THIS IS KINDA WEIRD BUT I JUST CAME ACROSS UR ABOUT ME POST AND SAW UR A FILO IN ENGLAND??? AND I AM TOO ?!???? eep thats too much of a coincidence 😭😭

OH MY GOD NOT AT ALL?! ANOTHER FILO MOA 🥹🫶🏼 AND IN ENGLAND TOO! I think that coincidence is so cool 🤭 HIII!!

[boba-beom]

THE NEW THEME IS SO CUTE OMG

AAAA THANK U BHIE HEHE I decided to spontaneously change it after lowkey crying over beomgyu’s cover, he’s too cute and I love his covers sm 😞

but this one was so pretty :( the transition from being classmate beomgyu who likes you to boyfriend beomgyu on a date :((

[boba-beom]

sfw link on twt !

showing off ur nails to tyun 🥺 i just got reminded of the nail design u posted a while ago when i came across this!!

omg these nails are so cute, it’d be a dream for me to show my nails to taehyun hehe I feel like he’d appreciate the art a lot :> I wanted to do loser lover nails this one time but I don’t have the colours I wanted 🥹 ALSO that’s cute it reminded you of when I did my nails tysm :> I’m wanting to change them up again at the end of the month but I’m not sure what designs aaaaa

[boba-beom]

UR NEW THEME IS SO PRETTYYY LESGOOO

HELLO?! EVIE URS IS STUNNING 🥹 it’s so light and fresh aaaaaa our themes are giving light and dark (not quite) beomgyu hehe I also just realised you, seoli and I are bamtoris :> it’s cute hehe

[boba-beom]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SMILES 💞💕💓💗💖💘

i'm so glad to have met u recently!! i always enjoy our interactions and i hope u do too 🥹 i hope u have a good birthday, enjoy your handa (if ur doing that HAHA) and ur plans for today !!! ty for existing n hbd again hehe <3

EVIEEEEE 🥹🫶🏼🥰 THANK YOU!!

you’re so sweet omg ofc I’ve enjoyed our interactions despite knowing you only recently, but I hope we continue and I appreciate you always! my parents aren’t going to handa (they find it tiring hehe) but instead we’ll go out for a meal hehe brb while I cry 🥹 thank you again <3

[boba-beom]

omg smilesss <3 can i pls be added to ur taglist for all hehe

evieeeee of course!! I added you :> thank you for being interested!!!

[boba-beom]

evie. oh my god. my heart sank further and further down each time :( not to mention the tears brimming at my eyes while listening to the song. (long review)

firstly 😭 the way you write? beautiful. I’m done for omg so many talented writers on here and you’re one of them. so don’t ever doubt your writing because that managed to move me and had this choked up feeling remain in my throat the whole time.

the confession scene already had me pouting :( the feeling of taehyun not even asking you to be his gf was already the start of this bittersweet feeling.

and the scene where you’re watching the sunset with the boys? them noticing something that taehyun doesn’t. I had my heart in my hand holding onto it so tight :( that realisation that other people care more than the person you care about the most is heartbreaking. I hate that feeling, genuinely. but you portrayed it so well with the minor awkward feeling of the other guys’ reactions towards you, but taehyun just gives you his jacket.

that flashback, beomgyu is so real for that. though it hurts like shit, something had to be said 😭

-a phat teardrop just fell-

the way the song’s incorporated within this fic has my heart sobbing with me. especially this part,

..’​the kind of people that taehyun’s already settled into and signed his lease.​ you’re a hostel in taehyun’s unknowing search for a home, you start to think.’

alexa play BACKBURNER by niki. gosh this HURT. setting aside those unwanted emotions as if he didn’t make you feel that way :(

evie I could go on for ages ngl. will most likely associate this fic with this song now :’) it may hurt, but it hurts so good 😞 the bittersweet ending… made me feel a little something but nothing at the same time /pos. but honestly what a good read :’) I knew it’d be a good one!

milk teeth ୧ ‧₊˚ 🥛 ⋅ ☆ kang taehyun

now playing 𝄞₊⊹ milk teeth - niki

⋆ pairing: taehyun x f!reader 

⋆ summary: taehyun loves the things you do for him. he loves how familiar you are. probably more than he ever liked you.

⋆ genre/themes/warnings: angst, suggestive (implied former sneaky link!tyun, implications of sex), unhealthy relationship ++ scenes in italics are flashbacks

⋆ word count: 2.6k

a/n: sorry to solomons he was my muse for this song.... I PROMISE ITS NOT THAAAAT BAD I THINK?? lmk actually if this is sad enough.. highly rec listening to the song while reading, i ref some scenes and lines throughout n just... i love the lyrics ! underrated nicole track icb she wrote this in high school lmao

taehyun had been something between a secret lover and a stranger in the past few months. over the course of your frail affiliation, you jump between thinking that the world was testing you by sending over a guy who would kiss your forehead in the comfort of your dorm room but never look you in the eye in-front of his friends; to being so overtaken by infatuation each time you see his bare skin against your sheets, the sun kissing him on places you’ve found yourself feathering over the night before.

the daydream always shatters when you wake the morning after and the only remnants of his existence within your bedroom are the stains on your bed and the warmth of his body clinging desperately onto where he slept. it’s easy for that dream to rekindle every night; because when taehyun’s at your doorstep with a huge grin on his face, you can’t help but leap into his arms.

when you feel the sun joining you in bed and instead of a phantom of his physique, you find taehyun sound asleep next to you; you can’t fall back asleep. you prop yourself on your side, cheek pressed on your hand and elbow holding your weight, admiring the rare view bestowed upon you. you think it won’t be as rare to see now that taehyun’s your boyfriend — a newly-formed title that came into fruition just yesterday. it wasn’t the most romantic way to ask, settling for a conversation on this very bed after showering together. 

it went along the lines of you saying:

“i’m starting to like you a lot, taehyun.” 

your back is against his chest, situated between his legs. “yeah?” you etch taehyun’s half-smile, half-smirk in your mind as he plays with your hair. it almost feels like he’s finally in the room with you, not drifting away, someplace else, when you confess. you push the thought to back of your head when you feel his chest rumble from a laugh. “have i stolen your heart yet?” 

“...y/n, you thief.”

“am not!” you refute, silly smile stretching your lips, cheeks swelling from the searing affection taehyun offers. it probably burns, but you can’t resist – not when you’re usually off scraping corners of his lukewarm responses and icy texts. 

“can i keep it though?” the tone of your voice is hopeful, and taehyun doesn’t have it in him to say anything but yes. he doesn’t know why he does this, is it because you’re nice? the girl you love should probably have more words under her belt than nice. but that’s what taehyun settles for. 

you’re so nice that taehyun doesn’t even have to spew out the question. 

“can i be your girlfriend, i mean.” you clarify, assuming the silence on his end stemmed from confusion. or that’s what you’ve convinced yourself these kind of moments were; the times where taehyun reels back in and decides you’ve seen enough of his kinder gestures for the time being. 

he nods.

giddy, anxious, once again hauled into infatuation; these are the things that culminate in your chest as you watch taehyun stir. 

you don’t bother to look away once his eyes flutter open, wincing at the light sneaking between your blinds. “morning, boyfriend.” his lips curve into a small smile, “morning, girlfriend.”

you sit up expectantly, wanting to start the day with all these ideas that have been blossoming since you started liking taehyun. things like making pancakes when he finally stayed long enough until the morning, or simpler ideas like struggling to leave the bed and being tugged back into his arms, “five more minutes…” tickling your nape as he nuzzles into you. 

your ideas start to dwindle when taehyun’s first course of action is to pick up his phone and look through his texts. you’re left blinking, confused by the nonchalance that clouded the air in your room. you should be used to this by now. the push and pull was always what made you come back to him anyway; but in your brain, after the intimacy of last night, you had hoped that taehyun’s hot-and-cold would begin to melt.

you don’t want to think about it. giving taehyun the benefit of the doubt is always easier than having to recode your mind to admitting that you just like him a lot more than he does you. you already have a boatload of excuses piled up from all the times you had to defend your crush on him from your friends; always something about “he’s never had a serious relationship, he doesn’t know!” or “he’s just not that kind of guy, y’know..”

instead, you’re pushing yourself out of bed, and that is thankfully enough for taehyun to look up in surprise.

“want pancakes for breakfast?” 

‧₊˚ ⋅ ☆

you’re sitting in the back of his friend yeonjun’s car the next time taehyun invites you outside of your stay-at-home ‘dates’. 

you’re squished between two long-legged boys, soobin and kai, while beomgyu called dibs on the very back, using the excuse of “somebody needs to hold our shit from falling” as a guise for wanting to catch up on sleep. taehyun’s in front with yeonjun, chatting with a carefree smile.

that kind of smile was reserved for people you knew taehyun held no doubt for. the kind of people that taehyun’s already settled into and signed his lease. you’re a hostel in taehyun’s unknowing search for a home, you start to think.

but you’re young, and there’s plenty of time for renovations and renewals. maybe in a few months time, taehyun’s “nice” and “cute” will turn into “beautiful” and “kind-hearted.” in a few months time, you’ll be more than a place to lounge and leave; perhaps even earn his breathless laughs and sparkling eyes. 

today, your destination is a barred cliff overlooking the view of your hometown. beomgyu suggested watching the sundown before spring started, ever the romantic. he’s also the reason taehyun even bothered to bring you; the invite making you audibly gasp over the phone when he called, asking just half an hour before they were set to go. taehyun always did that — made plans and canceled; only to call you a few hours later, when the sinking feeling finally set in and you were ready to push it to the backburner, saying “i’m coming over.”

you’re leaning against the side of yeonjun’s car, taehyun on the edge of the hood and the rest of the boys scattered just around the front. by the time you’ve arrived, the chill of the upcoming night was beginning to creep up. 

kai picks up on how much you’re feeling the cold. your teeth are chattering, and your posture hunched into your own body, arms crossed and trying to keep yourself as warm as you could. he blinks at taehyun’s apathy. you’re right next to him, there is no way he couldn’t hear the way your teeth crash against one another, or the hisses you unconsciously spew. 

“dude, y/n looks like she’s dying.” kai finally speaks up, interrupting the flow of conversation between his friends.

all five turn to look at you. you feel like you’re being watched like a wild animal at the zoo, scowling at beomgyu’s laughter. his teasing begins, taking advantage of being on taehyun’s other side, sprawled on the hood. he pokes his friend’s forearms, “yeah, tyunnie, y/n looks like she’s dying. why don’t you go warm her up?” his mischievous antics have your heartbeat picking up. you don’t know whether to thank him or jump him.

you’re anxious, for some reason; but you’re also wide-eyed and expectant. you’ve been dating taehyun for a month now and his friends have been warming up to your relationship, though you can’t get beomgyu’s words out of your head — much like now. 

you recall it was at one of yeonjun’s parties.

beomgyu hovered around you and taehyun that night, tipsy for the first time in a while. the air was silent, each breath clinging onto the question that beomgyu spilled that night: 

“why don’t you ever do anything.. like.. couple-y with y/n? i swear- i’ve only seen you makeout. and that was before you even started dating!”

beomgyu always seemed to know the pain points of your sluggish relationship.

taehyun rolls his eyes at beomgyu’s jabs, though his smile reflects different from the snarky glint in his eyes. you don’t know what he’ll do. will he tug at your arm and pull you over his lap, wrap his arms around you? say “i’ll keep her warm, don’t worry.” and keep you close for the rest of the evening, until the stars wake from their slumber?

your arms are wide open for anything. any semblance of affection or care, anything to make you feel like taehyun isn’t just keeping you for the sake of avoiding being the primary source of your heartbreak. sometimes, it felt like he kept tabs on you like someone who had forgotten about a game they once liked, habitually coming back but never in the same intensity. you remember how he looked at you so hungrily the first time you met. you only ever get glimpses of his twinkling eyes when he has you under him.

your boyfriend shrugs his jacket off and pushes it in your direction, barely looking at your pitiful state. this time, even beomgyu knows to hold his tongue when you both share the same look of disappointment and confusion at taehyun’s frigidity. taehyun resumes his conversation with soobin, though the latter boy awkwardly smiles at you, dimples providing some comfort. 

“thanks,” you mutter, holding the jacket to your chest before slipping your arms through the sleeves. you don’t feel much warmer, even with the makeshift feeling of taehyun’s body heat radiating from the inside of his jacket, right on your bare skin. 

you’re not sure if it’s the wind that’s keeping you shivering, or the awful feeling that you’ve made the wrong choice.

‧₊˚ ⋅ ☆

“why don’t we ever go on dates, taehyun?” you quiz, half-curious and half-unprepared for the answer you’re going to get. if you get to that point. but tonight, you’re determined to know.

it’s been four months since you and taehyun have started dating, and nothing much has changed from where you started. except for the fact that taehyun thinks he’s starting to get better at keeping you at bay; knowing the right words to say at the right time, being aware of your weak points and using his kisses as a way to sway your lips away from yet another important conversation.

“what do you mean, babe?” he only calls you that when he wants to shut you down. “we just had one. the movie marathon yesterday?” 

“no, i mean–” your voice is stuck in your throat. taehyun often has that effect on you. at first, starstruck from seeing him at a frat party; then, when he’s pushing your head down onto the pillow as you tremble beneath him; and now, too cowardly to know how he truly feels about you, but too fed-up not knowing.

“i mean outside dates,” you explain, fingers fiddling aimlessly with each other, trying your best to keep looking at taehyun. he’s sitting across from you, on your bed, again. this godforsaken place that started the turmoil in the first place. “we never do anything planned. we don’t even go out for anniversaries or anything, tyunnie.” you hope the nickname softens the blow.

“i just like being at home with you, love.” taehyun answers gently, like he knows he’s treading on dangerous grounds right now. he doesn’t want to hurt you, and he doesn’t want you blaming him for anything that happens once you’re just another travel stamp on his life; permanently a memory. 

despite his consistent nonchalance towards you, taehyun can admit to himself that not having you around would be odd. it would be inconvenient, would be the better word to describe it. your hopes of becoming more than “nice” and “cute” have transformed to something arguably worse; now, you’re “helpful” and “grounding.” 

he couldn’t survive without you, but not for the passionate, romantic reasons you long for. taehyun knows this; that he loves the familiarity of you more than he likes you. he likes the heat that radiates off your body more than your body itself; the habits you’ve grown into that he’s responsible for, like the pancakes you make every sunday morning or how you’re always prepared to run to him when he needs you. he doesn’t remember you calling for him like that (though he doesn’t know if he would drop anything as fast as you had done).

“taehyun.” 

“what..?”

“you don’t really mean that,” you shake your head, now unable to keep your eyes trained on him. you opt for the solid colour of your sheets.

“why are you.. doubting me?” 

“because you’re never here!” your voice is strained; you try to say it in some sort of yell, but it comes out as a desperate screech. “and i mean your mind. your heart. whatever the fuck it is. your body’s here, but you’re always drifting somewhere else!”

you keep going. your mouth is spilling words like a waterfall, the most you’ve ever truthfully said in taehyun’s presence. “you don’t even like being around me. you do just enough to keep us alive, and then you half-ass it until you have to fix it again. what– what kind of relationship is this?”

“babe, wait,” taehyun’s moved from his spot now, laying his palms flat on your shoulders and trying to ease your outburst. you’re starting to sob, hiccups replacing your words. “i-i’m sorry if i made you feel that way–”

“if?” you scoff, and taehyun is taken aback. you’ve been rather docile and forgiving for most of the time taehyun has known you, only ever yelling at beomgyu that one time. 

“i mean– i’m sorry that i made you feel that way, baby..” he soothes you, taking your hands and trying to get you close. 

“i think we should stop here.” your words are firm in spite of the trembles underneath. 

taehyun pauses. it’s the first time you’ve seen him display some sort of fear over you. 

“no, no, no,” he’s desperately clutching your hands to his chest, bringing your knuckles to his lips and pressing kisses to the back of your hand. “it’s only been a few months. i’m just going through something right now, baby. i promise.”

your courage only takes you so far, because you let taehyun toy with your hands, bring his face close enough to make you fluster and cave.

he puts your intertwined hands down, a thud against your unassuming mattress. taehyun’s saving face by pressing his forehead against yours, lips hovering over one another. “i’ll make it better. i’ll be better, i swear.”

so you do. you cave. 

when you feel his lips on yours, you know you’re doomed to unwrap the fabric and find you’re still bloodied; that your relationship is bound to break its fragile bones beyond repair. still, another empty kiss bandages over the scabs and wounds you’ve accumulated over the course of your ‘love’ and you make-believe that it isn’t too bad. not at all.