#my writing process is very much building around a specific line i really like

[imaginespazzi]

Because I was supposed to marry your daughter; I was supposed to become your daughter, officially. 

“It’s a girl?” Paige breathes out. And suddenly she’s 22, sitting in a UConn apartment living room, grinning foolishly as Jana points out an AI picture that looks like the perfect mixture of her and Azzi. Azzi, who’s having a daughter. 

They let it left unsaid that they were supposed to be wives to each other, that they were supposed to be moms together.

“The one you just had on your face while talking about Stephie,” Katie laughs to herself, “it’s the same one Tim had when he first met Azzi.”

I DIED I ACTUALLY STOPPED BREATHING

OH NO BABES DO YOU NEED CPR??

I had to throw in some real life lore into the chapter with the AI pictures and the Tim stuff.

They let it left unsaid that they were supposed to be wives to each other, that they were supposed to be moms together. - I feel like everyone's pointed this line out and it makes me happy because that whole scene came together with the sole purpose of me being able to add that line at the end.

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is: @emryses! emryses has 15 fics in the Stranger Things fandom on AO3 and all of them are in the Steddie tag!

@lady-lostmind recommends the following works by @emryses:

MEMORIA (series)

TIMESTAMP: April 10, 1989

deep in, under my skin

"I had the pleasure of working with them in the Steddie Big Bang 23' and absolutely fell in love with the fic they were writing for it. I was hooked from the little snippet I read during claims and wasn't disappointed in the slightest when I got to read the rest, and the same goes for all their other work I've read." -- @lady-lostmind

Below the cut, @emryses answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

I love smacking the Ken dolls together and making them kiss. But for real, I had been a (very) casual fan of Stranger Things since around Season 2, but there was something so infinitely intriguing about Steve and Eddie that I couldn’t help but be drawn to them from the second S4 part 1 aired. Then the BTS pictures came out of what would eventually be the “Don’t’cha big boy?” scene and it was sort of just a slow descent into a sprint to madness from there. I love that surface level, these two don’t look like they should work but somehow they just do. So I love making them fall in love again and again. Each fic I write is a pocket universe where these boys eventually look at each other and say, “Yes, I choose you” and I think that’s beautiful.

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

Mutual Pining 100%. I love when a fic makes you ache before they get to the juicy romance of it all. Bonus points if they’re fucking the entire time they’re pining.

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

I’ve noticed over time that most of my fics involve a miscommunication of some sort. I just love putting these boys in Situations—anything that makes them a little bit messy. I love a good fight and a resolution: Friends with Benefits to Lovers, Situationship to Lovers, I Gave You A Hand Job Once and Now We’re Lovers (But We Don’t Know it Yet). They are Idiot4Idiot, always.

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

One that I return to quite often is the other hand knocking by greatunironic. I don’t often read Historical AUs, but if I could recommend one I would recommend this one. There is a monologue Eddie says in the final chapters that has stuck with me. If I ever could do a podfic, I think it would be this one.

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

I would love to write a true AU one day. I tend to stick in my safe zone of Canon or Canon Divergence, I think I might find the limitations it has to be comforting. Alternate Universe fics (true ones like Modern AU, or Historical AUs, etc.) feel so scary and daunting to me, no matter how much I love them.

What is your writing process like?

Writing is a true hobby for me, I have to admit I don’t feel like I have a real “process” and I recognize I probably make it harder for myself than I probably have to. I sort of throw words in a doc until something sticks, fics are usually thought of with a general concept or sometimes even a specific scene that comes to me and then I build out the fic from there. Sometimes it happens fast but most of the time it happens fairly slow. I’ll read, and reread, and edit and add more until it’s done. There’s a madness about it I can’t quite explain, I don’t really know how I get anything posted at the end of the day.

Do you have any writing quirks?

I enjoy putting through lines in most of my fics, something I consider to be a Universal Truth across all my Steves and Eddies, etc. Like I said before, I consider them all to be pocket universes, and they’re mostly lighthearted, silly things. Like that Steve enjoys WHAM! and Eddie hates that he enjoys WHAM!, or that Steve had a totally unrequited crush on Jonathan Byers (whether he knows it or not). They’re like little easter eggs, something I don’t think anyone but myself has really noticed, but they make me happy. Also, I've never once written something chronologically: I hop around to different points and different scenes the whole time. Sometimes I’ll have the end of the fic written before even the middle of it exists.

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

What typically happens is I have every intention of finishing the fic and then starting to post it, but I will get 80-90% done writing it and end up posting the first chapter as motivation to get to the end. I do, however, prefer to wait until I’m done writing everything before starting to post when I can (especially because of the aforementioned chaotic writing & non chronological habits.)

Which fic are you most proud of?

It would feel wrong if I didn’t mention you looking at me, looking at you (affectionately referred to as YLAM.) It was my first multichapter for Steddie, and I posted it in the height of Steddie Summer ‘22, essentially in real time of finishing chapters. Though I might not think it’s the best of the best of my writing, I also don’t think it’s bad (actually reread bits of it a few weeks ago and was pleasantly surprised about how much I enjoyed it lol). It holds a very, very special place in my Steddie heart; I made so many new fandom friends (and a mini YLAM army, iykyk) while writing this fic.

How did you get the idea for MEMORIA?

Memoria was first thought of back in January 2023. I had the thought of writing an Eddie-centric fic based around the idea that he was taken into Witness Protection after the events of S4. I’m a lover of angst, and it felt like a delicious area to dive into. I also wanted to write an aged up Steddie, since at that point I had been writing them mostly at their canon ages, MEMORIA allowed me to do a bit of a time jump. Funnily enough, I originally thought it would be an Eddie POV thing, but Steve apparently had a lot to say.

When writing MEMORIA, what was something you didn’t expect?

I didn’t expect it to be so damn long, I truly thought it was going to be around 30k—and then I had written 30k and the fuckers hadn’t even kissed yet. It also originally in my mind was going to be a much darker sort of fic—I was toying around with going deeper with substance abuse for Eddie, something that is lightly hinted at in the Eddie companion fic, strange what desire will make foolish people do. In the end I was shocked about how much lighter the whole thing felt.

What inspired TIMESTAMP: April 10, 1989?

TIMESTAMP was written for @steddiemicrofic’s 1 year of Steddie Microfic challenge to write something using 1,111 words. I took it very seriously and said to myself, what is 1,111 days from March 27, 1986? (The answer may shock you.)

What was your favorite part to write from TIMESTAMP: April 10, 1989?

I’ll be the first to admit I’m not a concise writer, so writing TIMESTAMP was a challenge to fit within the steddiemicrofic word count. But when you do widdle it down, or up, to that word count it is immensely satisfying to know you told a whole story within a limited amount of words.

How do/did you feel writing deep in, under my skin?

I loved it! For someone who loves Eddie as much as I do, I tend to write more Steve POV than Eddie POV, deep in was an opportunity to add to the small pile of Eddie POVs I have. Eddie has always felt more funny and playful to me, even if he’s not having a super fun and playful time.

What was the most difficult part of writing deep in, under my skin?

Of all the fics highlighted here I remember deep in actually being the most straightforward! I’m pretty sure I wrote it to procrastinate working on Memoria. The only difficult part was I didn’t want it to be too similar to my fic YLAM which has sort of a similar premise: Steddie situationship/friends with benefits. I wanted to explore the hooking up to lovers aspect of Steddie again, but didn’t necessarily want to rehash the same thing I’ve already done.

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

This was by far the hardest question. I think this bit from strange what desire is my favourite of what I’ve written recently. It’s such a through line of every fic I write, I think: Steve paints them a picture, he writes them a song, and Eddie is interwoven into every line, every brushstroke of it. He talks of a future, he talks about love. He talks about living life, about taking Eddie’s hand and showing him how to live it, too. What if we make it? What if?

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

I have been dipping my toes in and out of a Buffy the Vampire Slayer AU for close to a year now. It’s slow going, I haven’t even posted the main fic that started the whole idea yet, but I do have two prequel-style fics set in the same universe: LOVE BITES and FOOL FOR LOVE. If you are interested, I would love if you checked them out. (It includes Slayer!Nancy, Werewolf!Jonathan, Witch!Robin, Vampire!Eddie, and Just a Guy!Steve Harrington.)

Outside of these questions, Is there anything YOU would like to add?

Thank you so much to my nominator! This was such an unexpected and pleasant surprise. It’s such a kind way to let a writer know you’re thinking of the things they’ve written. It made me feel very special and very loved, so thank you, sincerely. If you liked Memoria, please go give some love to my Steddie Bang Artist, @lady-lostmind. She made a beautiful artwork of the moment Steve sees Eddie again, and truly pulled the image of an older Eddie out of my mind and put it into a beautiful work.  Finally, if you go to my blog and see a whole bunch of Dead Boy Detectives stuff, don’t worry lol. I still love Steddie so much and have so much I want to write for them. The Dead Boys just gone and got me.

Thank you to our author, @emryses, and our nominator, @lady-lostmind! See more of emryses' works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight��is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[arialice]

Hey malevolent fans, let me tell you of the most malevolent coded album, Counterfeit Arcade by Shayfer James.

So many of the songs either in lyrics or vibes remind me so much of this show, so in a few words I'm going to attempt to explain my thought process about each song (be prepared, it's long)

Weight of the World - I don't have much to say about the lyrics. They kind of fit.

"That's just the weight of the world/We do what we must to stay alive/That's just the weight of the world/And we'll all be the weak and the weary sometime"

The instrumentals, tune and vibes is what really makes this song shine for me. Piano (obviously), the general deranged vibes and so on.

For the Departed - reminds me so much of part 20, thought I can't personally decide who's 'singing' the song. It lowkey works from both John's and Arthur's perspective.

"Save yourself/I am far beyond repair/They will bury me alive/But I'm not inclined to care"

More inclined to think Arthur because of the lines:

"Now I must finish what I started, oh-oh/I'll write a symphony for the departed/And I have no time for second chances/So I survive on bourbon, blood, and backward glances, oh"

"And so, the scene begins/Your cries become the wind/A desperate plea best left unheard/Then my contrived goodbye/A poet's pantomime/A drunken jester's final words"

Where we belong - this song. It's literally malevolent in a song. This is the most literal one. I would quote the entire song if I could, but here's some key lines:

"I know we're far beyond the point of no return/Let's say we light a fire and be the first to burn"

"Do you recall the day when we went wrong?/Time is flying/Ease your weary mind, we'll be alone"

"There's a freight train coming, barreling around the bend/There's a red light flashing, oh, ladies and gentlemen, this is the end/I do believe that we've a lesson left to learn/So take your seats, your salutations, and your turn"

"And on the way to our salvation, we'll be making plans/To overthrow the king and pick apart the promised lands"

L.V.S (Your Lady Waits) - makes me think about Oscar, specifically BlindFaith. Very much "you are my reason" vibes. I think it's the overall softness of the song, the emotion in it is so palpable.

"Oh, the mountains bow before ya/Oh, the clouds are open wide"

"Oh, and we, my friend/Will meet again"

"Upon this Autumn morn/Your laughter lingers on"

Villainous thing - This song is so, so, so obnoxiously Kayne to me, as in it feels like a song thats meant to be sung by him. The kinda cheery tune mixed with the lyrics sell it for me.

"Welcome, won't you come inside?/Oh I fear the passing year did not deserve you"

"Soaked and shivered from the rain/You have always been a delicate disaster" - singing about Arthur

"Waste no worry for the world/Let it be a tragedy of love and glory/While they wait by gates of pearl/We'll be building palaces in purgatory" - makes me think of him pitching the the deal with John in like a reverse psychology way. "Oh I'm sure Arthur is fine you can keep building your empire here in the Dark World, king."

Battle Cry - Works in general considering the 'monster of the week' trope this podcast sometimes falls into.

"Hear my battle cry, hear that mighty sound/They've come before and many more will try to strike me down/Hear my battle cry, hear that mighty roar"

The second verse is what really stands out to me though.

"I met a stranger on my way to here from God knows where/He won my lover in a dirty game of solitaire/He stole my crown and placed it crookedly upon his head/He turned around, I took him down and this is what I said" - again, thinking about part 20 (can you tell its my favorite?) The 'stranger' is The King/Hastur/Yellow/Whatever. 'But he's not a stranger?' He kind of is. After Arthur and John are together for so long, even the King admits that he doesn't know why his other half would pick Arthur. John himself had been making small steps at redemption, and just those baby steps made him pretty duffrebt from the King.

"You'll sacrifice the truth to justify your sins/But I don't need an excuse to let the darkness in" - again Arthur and the King. The King does 'bad' shit simply because he wants, yet when Arthur does something moraly 'bad', he has to justify it to himself.

Peace - Very part 31, aka Arthur's Scratch induced nightmare.

"I'd rather live alone than live a lie/I will never deserve peace" - the confessions we get from Arthur about how he felt about Bella

"I spoke to the ghost on my way to asleep/But the boards in the floor called my footsteps a thief" -reminds me of the argument with James. My line of reasoning is that James is the 'boards', and he's calling him a thief because he 'stole' Bella's life by stepping into it, marrying her when he didnt love her, if that makes sense.

"I will never deserve peace/I will never deserve peace/I will never deserve peace" - general self deprication

Diggin' Up Hatchets - makes me think of Larson or in general season 3. A little bit cult-y. It's mostly tune and vibes but the lyrics kind of work

"We're diggin’ up hatchets today/And sharpening the blades/In case, a stitch of hope remains/In this hell that we've raised"

"Hey! We're witnessing the waking of the dead/We’re ripping all the wires from our heads"

"We're burying mercy and grace/In unmarked shallow graves"

"There’s a plan for us lunatics and liars/We have faulty gears and wires/They can't save us, but they’ll do the best they can"

Under the Willow - John theme song in my mind, can't convince me otherwise. Song about discovering one's self and purpose.

"Mother, mother, I think I found my soul/While I was hiding under the willow"

"I've been the portrait of despair/Despite this hat and badge I wear/I've been a captive and a coward" - 'hat and badge' in this case is the crown and robe of the king

"I met a wise man under the willow/Lover, lover, look for me no more/I've been right here under the willow" - Arthur, obviously

"I've been a bastard and a fool/Rewritten nearly every rule/But I believe I'm worth redemption" - the redemption line alone is perfect.

Godspeed - the Jarthur divorce song. Arguing with someone but knowing that in the end you'll find each other again.

"There’s many ways to hide a heart that bleeds/But I prefer the ease of rolling up my sleeves" - might be imagining bit I sweat once John told Arthur that he wears his heart on his sleeve, if not I apologize.

"You’ve got some nerve to be coming/around with that card up your sleeve/And those thorns in your crown" - I think 'card up your sleeve refers to a plan, a secret, which John had many of

"Funny how the night is not as long,/when you depend upon/The dark before the dawn" - John deceiving Arthur many a times. Works well with the repeating line "I used to be someone that you could belive", Arthur starts ignoring and going against John (see, the entire thing with Oscar)

"Good luck, godspeed, I know I’ll see you again/I’ll always call you a friend indeed" - They always get over it and play nice again, until the next argument of course.

Have a Seat Misery - Coda and Intermezzo vibes. Short and sweet. Reads like a conversation between Kayne and Arthur.

"Have a seat, misery/Lord how I’ve missed you/Don’t go crying to me/That I kept you away for too long/Just put your feet up, friend/cause I read all your postcards/And in a way, I am happy to say/That you’ve never been gone"

"Let me light that for you/Seems your hand’s a bit shaky/We’ve got damage to do/And I know you’ll need smoke in your chest/So have a seat, misery/And don't ever mistake me/Of all of my friends, you know/You are the one I like best"

Conclusion/TLDR: Counterfeit Arcade by Shayfer James is, to me, THE malevolent album. Are some of these conclusions a stretch? Probably considering some of the lyrics I didn't present do actually go against the messages of the show, but I had fun writing this and the good(things matching up really well) outweighed the bad(some contradictions). Also go listen to the album or just Shayfer James in general

[ophernelia]

! LONG READ

I heard you want to make a machinima. I think I could help with that. Welcome to the first session of machinima bootcamp!

Alright, stop booing me. I know I kept you waiting for months. It took time and I had so much more learning to do myself! I am by no means an expert, but I think I could offer some helpful advice. This is just how I do things so feel free to use what resonates. “Where do I start? It’s as easy as opening the game up and recording, right?” That’s one way to do it for sure. The way I do it requires a lot more planning. Blame it on me being a Capricorn lol. A LOT of work goes into making Lykaia. Episodes usually take me a week or two to make. From writing the script, to filming and editing, it takes hours upon hours to produce. I love doing it. It's like a passion project, so the hours of free time I pour into it are really healing. Whatever you create, make sure it’s something you really do love. Here’s how I made Lykaia and how I intend to make other series going forward. 

*Lykaia specific info is annotated.

One thing you have to have before anything else is a story. One that you are genuinely interested in and enjoy telling. It’d be best to refrain from doing whatever gets views or whatever you think the community might enjoy. In order to stay consistent, you have to enjoy what you’re making. You have to know what story you want to tell. You don’t have to have everything planned out from start to finish, but get a good idea of what you want to explore first. The first season of Lykaia was just for me to try out machinima making. I didn’t have much direction with the story. Lykaia is just the cinematic version of my gameplay save. Lou and Imogen were my current household, so I figured I’d tell their story. It can be something as simple as that. A favorite household you love playing. A favorite story trope you’re into. Whatever inspires you. Try not to focus on how the masses will react to it. There’s an audience for everything. The viewership will come. Don’t let that discourage you or be your main focus. Enjoy the process of creating. Create for creation’s sake, not for praise or viewership. 

What makes a good story? I’m not sure. Sorry! I still wonder if Lykaia’s story is good. Though, even if it isn't, I just like telling it! Having interesting or complex characters is a good tip though. I quite like the idea of there being very few or no true villain in a story. Complex lives, complex people. It’s good to get an idea of who your characters are. What do they like? What do they dislike? How do they behave around people they’re close with? What was their childhood like? How do they speak? What do they look like? Where are they from? How do they handle conflict? How do they handle romance? There’s a bunch of questions you can ask to work on building out your characters. Once you’ve got a good idea of who your characters are at this starting point, you can build outside of their world. Make their friends, make their family. Figure out where they’re from geographically. How does their environment impact their life? What’s the place they live in like? Do they like living there? Where is it? What’s the climate? Are you using in-game world names, making up your own, or using real life places? How does all of that impact the story line? Are they a small town person or a city person? Go in depth thinking about all these questions. I’ll include a list of these questions for you to answer. You don’t have to share these with me! It’s simply for you to plan things out on your own. Again, you don’t have to have everything planned out. Nothing has to be permanent. Watching characters grow and their environment change is entertaining. Just know where you want to start at least. Playing the game can help give you some inspo too! The sims have a habit of being pretty messy on their own. Once you figure out what story you want to tell, you’re ready to move forward. 

*Like I mentioned previously, Lykaia is essentially the cinematic version of my gameplay save. The stories I told myself when playing their household, I am now telling to you. However, over the course of making the show for the last few months it’s really grown and developed. With the addition of characters like Savannah and Owen, to developing a thoughtful storyline for Rory, all of that has come as I’ve worked on the show. I’ve always had a thing for storytelling growing up. Won young authors competitions all throughout my schooling, but never did much with it in adulthood until now. When I say I take the time out to really develop the cast, I do. Lykaia takes place in several worlds. I even develop those out too. I think about the culture there. How close they are to other worlds. All of that really helps build a deep lore for your series that your audience and yourself will enjoy. 

As for making the cast, I won’t go in depth about actually making your characters in CAS. That process is pretty straight-forward and solely up to you. Make your cast look however you want them to. Use cc, make the cast with vanilla TS4, it’s up to you. I can’t offer much advice about that. It’s a pretty personal process. (Personal as in, you do what you wanna do lol. Not in a ‘I don’t wanna share my process’ type of way.) 

The next step after that is world building. This part should be a lot more simple if you’ve planned out your story. I mean literally world building. If you want a really unique looking series, it’s time to start building babe. Build your own lots, edit the worlds, do it all. I mean really go in! You can use inspo from Pinterest to help. I do that often. Check out the world building inspo for Lykaia here. On occasion I’ll use a build made by the community, but for the most part I make my own. It makes you feel like you’re actually immersed in the world of Lykaia. It’s a different San Sequoia, a different Copperdale, etc. It’s important to make your worlds your own. Get an idea of street layouts and everything. Try to envision the world your characters live in. “But there’s only so much you can do with TS4!” I actually disagree (Well, since discovering these mods.) and there’s a few mods that really help drive that home. These are the most pivotal, but there’s a variety of other ones that are helpful too! Like the Better Build/Buy mod and even CAW by TwistedMexi but it isn’t out yet. Still in development. 

The TOOL Mod by TwistedMexi. The TOOL mod allows you to take objects off a lot, but that’s not all you can do. Rotate, duplicate, scale objects and more. If you ever wonder why my game looks different from the EA base worlds, it’s because I edit all of them. Add more trees, add more deco buildings, add more debug objects, etc. World customization is essential. However, it is a very tedious process. Editing San Sequoia for S2 of Lykaia took me about a week in total. Primarily because I’m still learning how to use TOOL effectively, but because I put a lot of details into my worlds. I add cars around. I use S4S to make hidden objects show up in-game. It’s a long process, but having a world that’s really unique is so rewarding. Sure, we all have access to the same sandbox but we don’t all make the same things. That’s the best part about the community. The creativity is boundless. Have you seen that one person with an Ancient China savefile? Bonkers. So creative. You can do some crazy stuff with this game. Don’t be afraid to push it to its limits. 

The All Worlds are Clickable Mod by Awingedllama works so well in conjunction with the TOOL Mod. I’d say it’s almost necessary to have both. This mod does just what it says on the tin. It makes all worlds in TS4 clickable. No longer will you see that red circle with a line through it. You can walk anywhere. It also helps to place objects using the TOOL mod. Sometimes figuring out the grid is hard, it's easier to point and click. I highlight an object with TOOL and click wherever around the world I want to place it. Now, this will cause some routing issues with your sims. They’ll walk through stones, lakes, etc. Taking the mod out is an easy fix for this whenever you want to just play your game normally. I rarely play my game these days, but when I do I leave it in, it’s kinda funny to see Victor Feng running through the lake in San Sequoia. 

Emptied Newcrest & Willow Creek by Awingedllama is also a great mod if you want to take things a bit further. It gets rid of everything and I do mean everything. Think TS3 empty create-a-world. It does so by hiding certain objects, so don’t be surprised if they don’t show up in game for other worlds. It makes things look a bit wonky, but if you really wanna start from scratch, then this is a great way to do it. You can completely customize the look and layout of your world. Add more tropical vegetation or more tepid vegetation. It’s up to you. It does take an immense amount of work and I’d recommend following this tutorial to get the backdrops for the worlds in game. Also this tutorial if you’d like to add custom debug houses.

* Lykaia’s world is based on TS4 worlds, but with real life influences. Copperdale is meant to give that east coast small town vibe. Heavily wooded areas that experience a lot of rain. (Just because I love really gloomy weather irl.) It also makes doing ambience easier. The sound of rain is easy to throw in. San Sequoia is meant to be like San Francisco. Del Sol too. I usually just go in and add more trees and vegetation. Place more cars and deco people to make the worlds feel more full. I also add in other little objects that are specific to the series. More places to sit. Just to overall make the worlds feel more lived in. TS4 can feel like a ghost town at times. Green Haven is a new area within Lykaia that I am currently working on. It’s a full town I’ve built from scratch using the emptied Newcrest and Willow Creek mod. Inspo for it is on my pinterest. It is supposed to mimic small towns in upper Cali. 

In the next session we'll start talking about filming, sets, lighting, etc. If you ever have any questions, just send me an ask!

[moonlit-tulip]

Recently, for the first time in about two-and-a-half years, I've been playing around on this one gamified-fiction-writing site—4thewords—which I first discovered back in 2018. During the 2018-2021 era, it was the single most useful tool I'd found with which to get myself to Actually Write; but now, after I've done a bunch of hacking to find it easier to get myself to write via pure internal motivation without the need for extrinsic deadlines of the sort it uses... it's still the most useful tool I've found with which to get myself to Actually Write, and has accelerated my progress at writing my current short-story-in-progress from maybe a few hundred to a thousandish words a week up to a few hundred to a couple thousand a day. Because, apparently, even if I'm way ahead of where I was a few years ago internal-writing-motivation-wise, I'm still not so high up that external motivation can't serve as a very high-powered force-multiplier.

This is interesting, because the vast majority of the gamified-productivity platforms out there just sort of straightforwardly don't work for me.

After a bit of introspection, I realized that the big important differentiating factor is: 4thewords, unlike almost every gamified-productivity tool I've tried to use, has actually-vaguely-complex gameplay. It's not, like, actively good, as a game; it's not something I'd play if playing it didn't produce writing as a byproduct; but it has any depth as opposed to no depth. It has, like, monsters which can be fought (by writing a certain number of words within a certain time-limit) and will drop items when defeated, and quests to fight monsters and/or retrieve items, and equipment which increases the effectiveness with which one can engage in this process via multiple different stats and is attainable via a mix of buying-from-shops and crafting-from-materials and getting-from-quest-rewards, and so forth. Plus the more-standard stuff, a daily-streak system and an XP system and a character-portrait-onto-which-one-can-equip-cosmetic-gear and so forth; but none of those things did anything for me on Duolingo, so I don't think they're the active ingredient, more of a side-benefit. But overall: moderately-many interlocking systems, as well-made games tend to have.

And that got me thinking... 4thewords is really not much of an RPG. Its story-writing is unmemorable (to the point where I literally do not remember anything about the plot, after my two-and-a-half year break), its gameplay leans grindy, et cetera. And it's still miles ahead of the more-traditional gamified-productivity platforms—it's the only one that's ever worked for me—just on the basis of trying at all, not entirely phoning things in with a superficial dress of game-themed-ness over an utter lack of functioning gameplay-loop.

And that, in turn, has me thinking: if that's really the operative ingredient, then there's a huge market-niche sitting there just waiting to be taken advantage of. Other, less-specifically-writing-centric, gamified-productivity tools along similar lines, building real gameplay into their gamification rather than just "look, here's an XP meter and a daily streak system, isn't this motivating?".

Possibly there's some reason I'm missing why writing would be particularly amenable to this and extrapolating it to other sorts of productivity-which-people-might-want-to-gamify wouldn't work. Or possibly there are other gamified-productivity tools with real gameplay in this manner, even if I myself have failed to discover them. But, if not, this seems like a very good opportunity, one which I'm even almost tempted to try to pick up myself despite this being in fact probably unwise with how many other higher-priority todos I've got piled up.

[eskawrites]

Director's commentary:

CFDAU: “Aren’t you sick of lying?”

Was this always the line? Did you try other things or was it always going to be this? I know you must have had this scene in your mind for so long writing this fic (or did you write this scene earlier?), like, its THE scene. And this line hits so hard. I just want you to talk about it. If you want. (the line specifically but also the scene and also of course anything else you want to say)

i love questions like this because it forces me to go back through my original cfdau notes and that's always a trip

so i'm not sure exactly when that scene itself became a thing, because actually originally robin and nancy did not have that long of an affair, and they were mostly just fooling around occasionally up until the cast reunion in 1997 but then cfdau nancy went and got extremely soft on me so their relationship became a lot more intense and started a lot sooner

but that changed pretty early on in the process, i think before i even started seriously writing the fic. and in my original timeline notes that scene is there and very similar to what ended up in the fic:

And it’s harder, lying to Nancy. Even before Nancy starts giving her a terribly knowing look. she doesn’t think she’s convinced her, but Nancy does start to leave. Until she doesn’t, and she pauses in the doorway, turns enough that Robin can see her brow crease with a thought she’s so clearly weighing. Robin studies every detail of her face, knowing that whatever happens next will be one of those heartstopping, rushing moments that changes everything. Nancy opens her mouth, looks up to lock eyes with Robin, and says, “Aren’t you sick of lying?” And Robin freezes. “Steve and I—” “No, not Steve. Just you. Do you ever get sick of the lie?” And her eyes are burning, and Robin can’t look away. She finds an answer spilling out of her before she can second guess what Nancy means. “It’s not like I can do anything with the truth.” “What if you could?” “Nancy?” “Is it safe here?” “What are you—?” “Is it safe here.” Robin swallows. “Forty stories up. The doorman is great. We’ve never once had a problem here.” And Nancy moves closer with every sentence Robin says until she’s so close they nearly brush with every shaky breath. “I’m sick of it, too.” Robin closes her eyes until Nancy’s hand is on her cheek, small and strong and cool. “Nance,” Robin breathes. “I don’t want to lie anymore,” Nancy whispers. “I want honesty, even if it’s just for tonight.” And she stands on her toes, hovering an inch away, eyes searching Robin’s. So Robin kisses her.

it's definitely one of those scenes that just came together so immediately and instinctively. but what's interesting is that i never thought that line specifically would be what got everyone's attention. i obviously knew that scene was going to be big--it's a huge turning point, the start of a new act in the fic, and it's the moment that so much of the story builds up to. but in my mind, originally, the peak of that buildup was the kiss itself.

i don't really think that's true anymore. that line really is the turning point in and of itself. this story really is just an exploration of lying--why and how we lie, who we lie to, when lying is good and when it's bad and when it doesn't matter if it's good or bad because it's just plain necessary. so nancy calling it out so directly becomes the actual moment when she and robin finally collide after so many years resisting: when they both decide they can't lie anymore.

that's also why i ended up writing that scene out in the nancy pov, even though i was afraid to touch it again from a different perspective and not have it live up to the original. but 'aren't you sick of lying' is just as important to nancy as it is to robin. it's her own admission, her own breaking point, and i realized while writing nancy's pov that that one line is more important and more consequential than finally letting herself kiss robin. which is wild, because kissing robin is a very important thing that has haunted her for a very long time!

anyway long story short 'aren't you sick of lying' has been in there for a very long time. it was one of the earliest, clearest iterations of what this story was actually about, and the rest of the fic sort of evolved to make that moment as meaningful and impactful as it is

[trans-axolotl]

hey i love your posts on anti-psych organizing, the work you're doing is really inspiring <333 i was jw if you have any advice for people who want to contribute to the movement but have certain accessibility challenges? for example in my case i have very high social anxiety which makes public speaking hard and i also have difficulty processing denser criticism/theory in written form due to cognitive symptoms, etc. and it makes me feel like i don't have much to offer to help but i would love to get more involved if possible!! tysm in advance if you answer this happy pride btw <3

Happy pride anon! Thanks so much for this question, I think it's really important!

There are so many ways to contribute to antipsych/mad liberation movement, and it's so important that our spaces are accessible! When we're fighting for our rights as mad and disabled people, we deserve to have our access needs respected, and to be able to show up in whatever ways work for us. I talk a lot about writing and theory on here just because Tumblr is a place I go to write, but theory is not something that feels always relevant or important in many spaces. Community and accessibility always comes first!

Whatever you have to offer to the movement is enough and valued. I'll list off some ideas I have, but honestly, whatever you feel passionate about and your own ideas are likely to be better than what I can list off.

Creating art! whether writing, drawing, mixed media, anything, creating art and sharing it with others really can be an important way to honor our experiences and share them with others.

Finding out where a psych ward near you is, and writing cards, sending in care packages with things like books, puzzles, fidget toys, things like that. Happy to write out some more tips for that if people are interested.

Graffiti! even if you're just using a sharpie to write alternative crisis line numbers that don't call the cops on posters for the 988 hotline, putting up psych abolition stickers near hospitals, things like that.

Going to protests. There aren't a lot of specific mad pride/antipsych protests, but depending on your area, there might be some stuff happening in July for mad pride! I know there's an event happening in Vermont on July 15th.

Creating reading groups. I think theory is not more important than lived experience and isn't necessary to read super dense academic stuff, but I know for some people it can be a really powerful experience to read stuff that validates your experiences and offers new ways of understanding. Creating a book club where you can read stuff with other people, talk about it together, discuss questions and confusions you have together, can be a way to make it more accessible then trying to navigate it on your own. And it absolutely doesn't have to be theory that you read, it could be memoirs, fiction, nonfiction, anything that interests you!

Finding out what is already going on in your location. Even if there isn't specific antipsych groups, a lot of cities will have mental health support groups, mental health clubhouses, peer support, etc. Sometimes there will already be projects going that you can figure out ways to get involved.

Writing reviews of hospitals/psychiatrists/treatment providers to better give people in your community an idea of what to expect.

Community building. I think that a lot of times, we can feel really isolated and that the psych system can make it hard for us to be connected to each other and learn the skills to support each other. Joining groups like the Hearing Voices Network, other peer support groups, local support groups, clubhouses, etc, can be a really important step just to build relationships and get involved without necessarily having to create specific projects.

Learning what resources are near you and building up a resource library so that you can share things like coping skills, peer respite, local orgs with other people in your community!

Understanding the laws around psych hospitalization, mental health, medications, etc. If new laws are proposed, giving feedback, emailing hospitals about policies, things like that.

Self care and rest. So often we are in crisis, constantly going, feeling the pressure to be involved. Resting can be part of resistance! Taking the time to care for ourselves, our community, embracing joy, play, recreation, is so important. Our survival can be resistance in a system that doesn't want us free.

These are just some ideas, and are not a complete list. I really believe that everyone's contributions are worthy and valuable, and that whatever people have to offer is worth celebrating. Our movements should be accessible and considerate of all of our different needs, and figure out ways to empower each of us to participate, and to get rid of barriers together. My way of engaging with antipsych stuff is absolutely not the only or best way, and I always love to hear from other people about their approaches!

TL;DR: Theory and public speaking are not the only ways to particpate, and accessibility is important! Whatever things you are passionate about are good places to start brainstorming. There are multiple options of things like art, sending care packages, and getting involved in local community.

Followers, please feel free to add on your own ideas or ways you participate! Would love to hear all the amazing ways we're all engaging with this movement.

[whomstwedointheshadows]

Hello, yes you Nandermo shippers, would you like to come along to delulu land?

I have some thoughts on the clickbaitiness of Paul Simms. Reading the transcript of the Nandermo moment (all hail @kyrilu for doing the damn thing on our behalf) and there’s two follow up segments to frame the Nandermo comment from a PR/fuck-around option.

1) the Kiss card was brought up by the interviewer, seemingly pulling the writer ms back to the topic of the panel, segueing to important, pre-planned questions.

I’m not sure where the information about the existence of Nandor+Guillermo+Kiss was first published. Regardless, this had to be a pre-cleared question. Behind the scenes, these media panels absolutely clear questions and topics in advance.

2) Vulture is posting reviews and materials very, very shippy of Nandermo. This was the ship friendliest possible room full of media explicitly gathered to drum up buzz for the new season. It wasn’t a random instagram stream about their writing process. The interviewer confirms the infidelity theme-then there’s going to be some backtracking to make it ‘sooo not sexual’ - the headline is not ‘Nandermo Infidelity Cofirmed’ now it’s ‘That Moment Wasn’t Sexual’

[sidebar: I have no idea how the strikes affected the usual publicity cycle and what impact that has on numbers, other than it definitely did. I would imagine those conversations and reactions to their ‘material’ has some sway/inspiration over the next season, from a producing standpoint or the general glee of a creator reading responses. It’s incredibly fortunate for the show there was already a season in process to come back and make due to the two season renewal. At the time of planning this panel it was not known when the actors strike would end, which I imagine changes the plan for promo cycles, especially one they were already adapting. My guess is the season 5 actors promo was completed based on our media, but any ‘soft power’ that comes from writers work/networking/teasing was altered. We missed anything they planned/reacted/tweeted while the show was airing. TLDR: this panel is coming after a long period of not rattling sabers from the writers.]

I put all of this here to say, as much as I don’t know about the business-side of show business, everyone was explicitly in that room to generate media and attention and demand for the show. That’s the actual point of the event, which absolutely has an impact on word choice. They’re comedy writers, with a flair for dramatic also doing the business part with a streak of evil teasing their audience.

Alrighty, foundation established, the big question and the Best Fan Interjection:

I salute you, sassy audience.

3) The WORDS

Word choice: hook-up

Does ‘the greatest romance on television’ have a one-off hook up, or does it get wrapped in plot and Have Significance and Pay-Off for all of the tension? What’s the most entertaining way in service of the show that’s worth losing the Will-they-Won’t-they dynamic? Can they subvert expectations in a way that makes the writers feel smart and like they’ve spent years building it is worth the investment from the audience? I have theories about A Secret Third Thing for absurdity being the direction they prefer on wwdits. It’s got be a big gambit to land to anyone’s satisfaction.

For an in character analysis of the infidelity not being sexual- I’m just going to put the concept of ‘honor’ and what being a familiar is in vampiric society, that this interpretation is absolutely fair as a breach of trust between Nandor and Guillermo. This response reads as truthful about that specific plot line ignoring everything fucking sexual about vampires, vows and penetration. Yes, he’s right- they didn’t fuck nasty on camera, it was just an intimate betrayal that maps really well giving someone you admire power over you, but realizing what they think is best for you, best for them, and what you want are all different things. That’s another story specific to this plotline. Also super common in anti-sitcom divorce tropes.

Would there be an entertaining story if Nandermo went all-in right now, for these characters? Or would it erase development and stagnate in a hierarchy?

I do think writers feel a responsibility to their stories and their audiences, even if the audience doesn’t like parts. I think WWDITS is a very smart show that loves/hates vampires and sitcoms, and it is always going to choose the highest setting on the dial for dark comedy on a subverted sitcom trope, which means while it can be an absolute riot with horrendous implications so it has to pull back enough for the next episode to be in the format with a new conceit.

There’s toxic co-dependent idiots Nandermo, and then there’s cruel, abusive, worst impulses working against each other being explicit, which kills the heart of the show.

4) What’s the Job?

WWDITS Audience: I don’t think the writers actually think it’s a little group of queer fans getting over invested on Nandermo. In fact, I think they are aware of the past Queerbaiting Sins of Network Television based on their serious storylines for queer characters. I think the archetypes and themes of the show specifically court that audience, and each season has only been more to those tastes by laying a solid foundation to explore what hasn’t been the focus of storytelling in the past. I think writers are a tricksy bunch and they’ve got a team who takes the dynamics seriously enough to tell the story of getting to a better place for the characters and entertainment. Hell, there’s a writer from Frasier on the panel who talks about slow burns.

Knowing that shipping has a long history, everyone is absolutely working from previous playbooks on how to tease and shape a story.

Even if a ship goes canon, absolutely no one is going to confirm it before it happens.

[Trickster storytellers, those liars, always wanting us to see their work unfold rather than spoil the ending. Even when they foreshadow or use dread, it’s just so they can feel smart about their lies when we look back, damn writers, emotional vampires. ]

While I shouldn’t underestimate the power of a straight white guy to mansplain some homophobic spice to ‘deeper than sex’ queerness, looking at the media of the actual show, the romantic ship framing is not in question. I’m of the persuasion it’s been great queer representation by having complex queer characters with varied ambitions and obstacles, often their choices driving the story for comedic/dramatic effect, of very selfish, horrible people.

That established, especially because the show has increasingly grown to be more visibly queer, the characters also have to be compelling to watch in their individual journeys even if a ship goes canon. However, no one would be satisfied if the fulfillment of a Nandermo ship was at the cost of the whole household or the characters themselves. The ‘Sunrise, Sunset’ and ‘No One Ever Really Dies in Shadows’ principles lead to an educated guess even if Nandermo becomes canon and carry their own plotlines, the episodes of the show are still going to be the dark, twisted ensemble shenanigans with sucker punches of heart. We love our djinn-curses in the narrative.

So, if ‘you don’t want what you think you want’ has relevance, I see it as these characters are not at their most compelling to get together-yet, as individuals or in the narrative of what the show wants to tell. That relationship wouldn’t be fulfilling or funny or fair- not that the characters deserve happy endings or an easy road, but to the journey of accepting and receiving love as part of the theme, seeing the love that matters/already exists ties into the conflicts around immortality/meaning. Haven’t we Good Omens fans learned that a kiss is not always the kiss we want?

For a Nandor in Space perspective, central to the vampire in western culture are themes of love/cruelty, class consciousness, the erotic other, transformation/stagnation/decay, inescapable time, the beast beneath the human face, inescapable temptation/indulgence, and cost/callousness of piety.

That’s some inherently kinky romantic shit right there, that necessitates crossing boundaries and abandoning norms. Even if the journey is actually murder-accessory to get what I want at all costs to this guy’s shampoo makes me realize this is a boundary I will not cross today because it reminds me of my own humanity.

[daycourtofficial]

hey there, i'd be really interested in finding out more about your writing process. how do you start? how do you draft? where do you get ideas from? do you have any tips on how to stay focused on a story? i hope this isn't too much, i'm just curious!

Definitely not too much, don’t feel bad at all! Let me break down each question. Every writer has very different things that work for them, and it’s okay if whatever you do isn’t like what I do!

1. How do you start?

Usually one of two things will happen. I’ll either get an overarching idea and I will say “okay I need to write down these ideas”. I will then maybe write a quick summary of what I want. I did this with one of my recent fics, Domestic deceptions. I wrote down a bulleted list of what I wanted, so it looked similar to this:

Something else I do a lot is I create a conversation or a specific scene I want and I write that down. Usually when I write dialogue I write just the dialogue, with very minimal descriptions outside of that. Then I come back later and fill in gaps. After writing this scene, I will build everything else around it.

A good example of this is my fic ‘you’re losing me’. I knew I wanted to end it with that gut wrenching line from the song “I wouldn’t marry me either”. So from that I had to build and nestle the insecurities to get that punch. I wrote that fic around two things - that ending line and the knowledge that Azriel wants to feel like he belongs, like he’s accepted, and he doesn’t feel good enough for anything. So I wrote him getting lost in his work - missing dates, missing any info about what she’s been doing, neglecting her needs.

This is actually how I write most of my fics bc most of my fics don’t really have plot. It’s a lot of dialogue.

2. How do you draft?

This depends heavily on plot. If I’m doing something plot heavy and I know how I want it to flow, I usually make a numeric list of what I want to happen. I do this as I go too. Then I start writing from that list. I start filling in scenes from the list, and I focus on the things on that list. Then I look it over and think about how the flow - do I need to add more? I’m trying to convey something (e.g that a character is in love with another character) - do I have enough to convince someone else of this? Or would a small scene do well to connect and tell more about them?

Sometimes if the plot isn’t too intense or difficult I do just write from the beginning to the end and then I do edits to make sure it sounds good and flows well.

3. Where do you get ideas from?

Everywhere. I’ve gotten them from books, from tv shows, from driving my car and letting my mind wander. A lot of times I get ideas from what we know of the world of ACOTAR. For instance I’ve written at least two fics about the bond and how food plays a role in accepting it, so like what if one person knows about and the other doesn’t? I just like exploring possibilities in the world.

Sometimes my ideas come from thinking about the characters. A lot of my Eris fics come from thinking about his trauma. Like okay, yes he’s killed Beron. But he spent five centuries under him, he won’t just magically be accepting of himself and open and willing to share. What kind of situations does this put him in? What kind of problems can this cause when he does experience love?

4. Do you have any tips on how to stay focused on a story?

This one’s really difficult as I have a hard time focusing on one story. I think this just depends on how you write. I write like I read - I have 8 million drafts going at once, and I hardly am ever just reading less than 4 books at a time.

Something I do is float around a couple drafts for a bit, adding here and there to each of them, until one of them either is fleshed out enough for me to get super excited or one of them just grips me. I have plenty of fics that have just been dropped bc they just weren’t working or I got in a rut with it.

Sometimes I have to let fics sit on the backburner a bit. I did that with ‘his shadows know’, but I knew I wanted to come back to it eventually

Hope this settles your curiosity! If not feel free to ask more 🥰

[merionettes]

rubicon ask!!

first off I'm so so delighted that I picked up FE3H last summer and that it led me to finding your writing & especially this fic. what an amazing experience, what a treat with every update, I have all these fun memories now of places I was when I got the update email (and screamed internally every time). a little collection of sense memories colored in.

as for the actual question: very curious about your process. did you have an outline going in? I have to imagine yes (or else you're braver than black friday shoppers). how did you go about structuring this, ie did you have a series of Moments in your head that you wrote around and connected, or did you try to build scenes to fit the arcs you had in mind, or a mix of the two? anything and everything you want to share, I'm 🤲

you're killing me!!! man, thanks so much, seriously. 

as for the actual question, indeed. hahaha. ha. i delayed answering this for so long because it kept devolving into an essay about the emotional experience of writing a novel for the first time. well i give up. this is now two posts. one is the actual answer to your question, only ten times longer than it needs to be. the other is an essay about the emotional experience of writing a novel for the first time. so… caveat lector. 

first part under the cut. ← not kidding about the caveat!!!!!!

i've talked a little about the process before, so i'll piggyback on that post and dig a little more into the differences between the original idea and the finished product, including spoilers i couldn't get into when i'd only posted 55k. ("only." god.)

technically this did start with an outline. technically because at the time i was brand-new to fe3h and hadn't written anything but a few friend-ficlets in about 8 years. thought "skating au!!", spent a fevered weekend outlining all the major scenes, started in on the writing, and…. very quickly realized that i was nowhere near competent enough to actually. write it. "intensely frustrating" does not even scratch the surface, lmao, of what it felt like to have this thing in my head and only be able to produce what felt like the worst clumsiest tritest version of it. very apropos for skating, actually. 

looking back on that outline, it had almost nothing to do with the finished product, especially on felix's side. it didn't have the nationals flounce, the timeskip, training in vancouver, the lake, the nhk trophy sports anime climax, the backstory reveal meltdown. (it did have the redemptive healing free skate.) what, critically, it did have was sylvain's personal arc—burned out, desperate to quit, wants to go to college. it ended at exactly the same place as the actual story, with sylvain and dorothea's final skate together. the last line was one of the earliest things i wrote. 

in other words, even though almost everything between the first and last scene changed WILDLY in the process of writing, i always knew exactly what i was working towards and that was invaluable. 

insert two year timeskip here! during which i would occasionally reopen the skating doc, take a stab at another scene, feel this ominous sense of foreboding, and give up lol. you can thank the 2022 winter olympics for making me get serious, specifically 1) yuzuru hanyu going out in a blaze of bittersweet doomed quad axel glory 2) shoma uno losing to some eighteen year old. i believe my exact words were (consults notes) "anyway time to go back to my fic where i control the narrative and i decide who wins." idk what made this attempt different than any of the others—right time, right inspiration, right circumstances—but this time it caught fire. in uh. in a big way. 

so that's when i wrote what i refer to in that post as a skeleton draft and what i've since come to think of as a storyboard on steroids. this is when felix's arc really took shape, beyond "he is sad… he is mad… he is perfectly positioned to see right through sylvain." the fallout from nationals crystallizing, in particular, was one of the things that snapped felix into place and helped determine the tone and focus of the story overall. (that initial outline had much more of a romcom/classic fwb-to-lovers feel.)

the other thing that did this, of course, was sylvain's narrative voice. when i committed to "burnout who is controlling every single word of every thought to avoid admitting that he is burned out" was when this story became what it is. the voice dictated every single scene, the tone, the shape, what was revealed, what was implied, what was never making it on the page. it led me places i didn't anticipate. it made the cuts for me! cute scene you've got in that outline lol sylvain would never. 

i see past me in that post dancing around the length, lmao. well the ""storyboard"", the skeleton, whatever you want to call it, was over 100k. and yet even then, EVEN WITH 100K ON PAPER, there was still so much i had no fucking clue was coming! felix pushing sylvain on what he wants was there, but sylvain never explained what happened. my oc jm gautier (thanks for nothing, three hopes!!!) was an ominous presence, but he wasn't the final boss. there was no memory of the first time sylvain and dorothea met. (<- insane.) there was no glenn skate. i had to write to discover all of that.

so like—i cannot emphasize how much i grew as a writer through the experience of writing this story. prose, structure, character arcs, thematic arcs. i was harder on myself than i've ever been. and if i hadn't had that end goal in sight i don't know if i would have made it through all those iterations—storyboarding, drafting, rewriting, editing. wanting to deliver that moment powered me through any amount of frustration/exhaustion/bewilderment.

wow this post sounds almost normal. nothing about this experience was normal. which is why you're getting a part 2.

[catnippackets]

How to come up with tunes basically. Like how to make music that sounds good. How to put different sounds/instruments together in a way that is enjoyable. All I have to work with is GarageBand but I feel like everything I’ve tried to make just sounds like… disorganized? Idk it never sounds like it flows well. I try to do it like the songs I’ve enjoyed do it, where it starts with one sound/instrument/beat and then more sounds are added one at a time until the additional complexity makes it sound better and better - like what you did in Help Like You. How do I do that is what I’m trying to ask, I don’t know if I’ve articulated that properly. How do you put different sounds together in a way that doesn’t sound like a mess?

this still feels very vague to me so I'm just gonna try to explain what I do and hopefully that's of at least some use to you lol I'm not good at all with explaining my process behind any art that I do so I honestly don't think you're gonna get much out of this but I'll try anyway (I also cannot read or write music so idk if that will make my advice better or worse lol)

music does not come naturally to me, at least making songs never feels very natural. usually in the past when I've made music it's felt like I would just wake up one day and my brain would know that something had to come out today and then I'd write the song and then I wouldn't be able to do it again for another like 8 months. it's a little easier to do it now though. when the melody doesn't just come to me like that I usually either fiddle around w a keyboard (I'm sure there's one in garageband if that's what you're using) and hit some notes that sound nice together and then just kind of go from there. OR what happens a lot is I'll be in bed right on the verge of falling asleep and I'll get a little tune in my head that comes from nowhere and then I have to quickly roll over and hum it into my phone before I forget it and then when I wake up I do something with it lol. usually I come up w the melody for the chorus and then for the verses you just sort of build off the chorus to do something that fits with it?? idk how else to explain it

another thing that works in my favour in this regard is I'm really bad at mimicking other people's styles (both visual art and music sounds), so if I'm listening to a song and hear like a drum beat that I really dig I can think "hm I wanna make a song with that drum beat" and then when I recreate it, it really sounds nothing like the drum beat I was trying to mimic, but it still sounds nice and then I have a nice new song that you can't tell was inspired by something else at all bc I can't copy things lol

I would say if you're having trouble, do a bunch of covers of songs you like first instead of starting with your own music. make a playlist of songs you really like and study them, see how the different sounds work with each other, and then try to recreate them, so you can see how many layers go into a song and what makes other people's songs work. you can start small, with the bass/harmony and then singing along with it, like someone who just plays the guitar or piano and sings, and then progress to adding more instruments. adding harmonies will make the melody stronger. adding a bass line (no specific instrument but it will probably be very low) will sort of support the melody and give it a little more depth without distracting from it. the beat will indicate the speed of the song (generally the beat is what you dance to, instead of the melody). you don't need all of them to make a good song, it can be as simple or complicated as you like, but there's plenty of songs out there that only use like one instrument and still sound lovely so you don't have to get too crazy, especially not at first

also I've never used garageband cuz I don't use apple products but before I bought fl studio I used bandlab, which is free for anybody to use and super easy, they have a wide range of instruments and you can also add premade loops too! just in case anyone else is reading this who can't use garageband, the layout looks very similar to it (the only annoying thing is you only get 16 layers which sounds like a lot at first but truly is not lol)

good luck!!

[yandere-monoma]

good evening i am warming up for the 3(+????) killswitch updates i have planned for this coming week so KYM 3 COMMENTARY

chapter 3 (the flashback) was originally meant to just be 'the rising action', a large, large, large chapter of build up before not only getting to the pregnancy reveal, but also detailing all of rose's reactions to it and her whole attempt to redeem herself through motherhood, only to end with a cliffhanger about her subsequent miscarriage. however, i went batshit, got too lost in the sauce and the chapter ended up being SO long before i even got to half of what i had planned, so chapter 3 was split into two halves. it's actually so interesting watching how a piece's word count can grow in that regard, like, i feel like with pacing i am just following this invisible flow and i can sense when i just need to cut it off and i don't really have a choice in the matter. which makes it especially funny when a piece just gets longer and longer and longer and then suddenly it's 10k+ words, god

the flashback was also what i considered at the time to be my final moment to really detail as many of my headcanons about how rose was raised as i could, since i knew the rest of the fic would be laser focused on the pregnancy plot. there were so many details i wanted the audience to have, especially because the pain of building and developing a world that never really gets shown is so painful ARGH

it was a difficult chapter to write for a number of reasons. like, from the first line, i was STRUGGLING

the chapter promptly starts:

and it was... interesting, to say the least, to finally sit there and put a number to what was happening... the topic of CSA is something i write about a lot, but i actually have a huge tendency to avoid listing ages when i do so. i love ambiguity and also adding specifics like that actively make me uncomfortable HAHA i think it makes it too real and makes me actually process what i'm actually writing about, which i'm usually largely disconnected to (i have little to no visual imagination when i read, so, really, the only reason i'm capable of writing this kind of shit without getting grossed out myself is cuz it's all just words to me). so it was an interesting challenge to actually pinpoint an age. it's a large reason behind the 'something bad happens' revelation happens later on. i was incredibly unwilling to specify what age rose was when the sexual abuse happened, both because of that discomfort and also just because of indecision. i don't actually know when bro first started attacking rose in that way. or any of my strider, really. i don't really care to know. HGJFKGS

also

it's interesting to see >rose: scream as it is right now because it's one of those bits that left me unsatisfied to leave as is. maybe one day i'll double back and fix it hsdjfkgsdg initially there was meant to be a stronger and more obvious parallel between rose seeing her menstrual blood for the first time and rose seeing the blood from her miscarriage. at the very least, the commands were originally planned to be identical, but since this chapter's beginning and chap 4's ending are just too different, i abandoned it as an idea. but now... after the fact... oh how i CRAVE it... KJGFLS

this part also brings up another reason why this chapter was so awkward and so difficult. i don't keep it secret from anyone that i just have a big fetish for angst and whump SHDFJGSDF kym isn't meant to be a ~deconstruction~ of anything. if anything, it's more me going 'damn i wish rose got whump fics. she would get so many if she was a boy/a strider. HEY WAIT A SECOND-'....

but a lot of what i'm writing about in this chapter isn't actually fueled by horny. i very much lack a menstruation fetish. in fact, anything involving reproduction is very 🧍‍♂️which is why having an entire plot arc that revolved around it was CRAAAAAAAZY... i got off to NOOOOOONE of that what do you MEEEEAN

it is actually so funny being slightly awkward about writing period blood when you literally write about dicks-in-guts on like a monthly basis HAHA anyway... WORTH it for the carrie reference that part was so sooo important to me

i rewatched carrie so much for this scene HAHA

i love writing bro i hope my love for writing bro really shines in this fic because god i love writing him he's probably my fave hs muse ever

whenever i mention bro's jeans being too tight pls know it's because once i saw him described in a fic as a middle aged man stuffed into an old pair of skinny jeans and it never left me, especially after becoming that very thing. also pls know that whenever i talk about his jeans being too tight it's because i'm gay i'm gay i'm gay and i'm thinking about his thighs and ass and cock

that's you! you're the joke!!!! idk why i adore that line but it was so fun to write

interesting conundrum sparked in this interaction that would haunt me for a couple of chapters after this one. i have thought too many thoughts about how bro should refer to rose. it was all too tempting to have him drop a 'sis' every now and then for that same sense of casual bro-ness but god it's not casual enough in a lot of ways... the lack of plosives stood out to me too much for some pretentious reason and i think in a way it was actually too accepting of her gender to ever be allowed. 'kid' is gender neutral which is as much freedom as bro can possibly allow her. rose is only granted her womanhood when it's being used against her, otherwise she's forcibly deemed masculine or neutral, depending on what suits him more

(which is double interesting because that's a phenomenon that is ESPECIALLY forced upon women of color... i don't actually utilize any race hcs in this fic because my strilonde race hcs tend to be very fluid but damn... kinda wish i did just for that)

quick shout-out to the DVD menu line a few paragraphs down from here yeah that was a purposeful reference to eat your young, it is very important to me that the rose strider character study also reads exactly like a dave strider character study because bro as a character is STATIC, he is repetitive, he is doomed to repeat the same abuse towards his victim no matter who he aims it at. rose and dave and jade and john will all have to face that same moment in the living room where the tv is on and bro is leaning way too close and he shatters their childhood forever by kissing them for the first time. the reason why they get on that couch will vary, bro and rose are watching carrie, bro and dave are watching shitty comedies for ironic reasons, maybe bro and jade are watching cartoons, maybe bro and john are watching childhood tapes while bro tries to prove some crazy insane point. it is always on that fucking couch that bro decides they are grown enough to start™

'Bro’s arms coming around you to squeeze just a little bit as it comes to an end' i fucking LOVE writing 'good' bro moments i LOVE writing bro sprinkling those masculine gestures of affection i love making him ruffle someone's hair or pat them too hard on the shoulder or give them a little side hug. i love when he is not just a stone cold freak sociopath TM he is a human capable of showing love who even enjoys doling it out at any opportunity. it is so so fun and also it drives me crazy

fun fact i'm actually incredibly shit at understanding how the hell the striderian mind games are even supposed to work. it means a lot that people say i nailed it with the carrie thing cuz ngl this is the only way i could make it click in my head. for me, so much of what bro claims in irony isn't, he's just like that genuinely and the mind game is the fact that he just lies and omits info and makes you wonder what's fake and what's not. to me bro strider works because he is a manchild who spends every waking moment crafting a fantasy land and making it a reality, following every fancy and whim he has. for me, he takes the concept of seeing a fictional character and going 'MOOD' and deciding to wear similar clothes or adopt a similar posture and he goes above and beyond. bro being a 'fan' of SAW and creating traps in his house is an example of that to me. he thought they were cool and decided to incorporate it in his irl. and since what's cool to HIM should be cool to his super cool kid too, he just assumes they have the same approach as he does. which is why he sees rose and goes, oh yes, i gotta re-enact every great womanTM horror through her. she's gonna love and appreciate the FUCK out of that.

speaking of that, bro and rose being likened to jigsaw and amanda doesnt really happen enough for my tASTES HELLOOoOOoooo

'This is how he loves you.' line that cracks me up because it's like. one of those lines/concepts that follows me into every piece about abuse if it gets long enough. the bizarreness of it. attempting to comprehend another person's perspective and squeeze it into your own even though trying to understand just harms you further in the process. it makes me aaaaaaaaaaaaa

And God made Eve from the rib of Adam and Eve was weak. And the curse was the curse of blood. 

did you know that carrie has a musical. did you know i fucking love this song from this music. did you know i will sit and force a religious reference into anything and everything i write because i have so So many fetishes on the topic

You start imagining your brother’s rib plucked out, shiny and pretty, and growing enough flesh and arteries and bone to form a little girl. And you were made from him and you were made for him and you-

I'M INSAAAAAAANE adam and eve didn't have to go as hard as it did but Damn. Damn. yknow what people don't do religious striders enough considering the whole from the south bible belt thing. like i don't think they're christian in the slightest but they'd be entrenched in it, they'd be SURROUNDED in it and godhsdjfgsdfg (melts into a cummy puddle) anyway

SCREAMS INTO MY FIST I LOVE THIS SCENEEEEEEE

it is such an odd exchange it was so fun describing absolutely nothing about what was going on in either of their heads

another instance of manchild bro literally jumping for joy SO excited to get a laugh in with his (other) best friend

rose taking his horror movie reference and twisting it into another, trying to take control of the situation (most notably a horror movie where the villain is two antagonists pretending to be one, which is what rose would prefer their relationship to be like, an 'equal' symbiosis rather than one with a huge power dynamic like carrie and her mother)

the fact that yeah it's absolutely pig's blood god bro where did you even get that god you freak

we now get to >rose:bind which means i get to talk a shitload about rose's gender which was... HARD

because rose is very much not transmasc nor is she even particularly genderfluid or even butch and that is a very hard thing to convey in a very... queer audience. i won't get into the rant of it (because HOO i could rant) but i think sometimes in fandom, things get simplified or shoved into a box because it is something recognizable and relatable. i didn't want anything about rose's gender to be relatable. her sense of masculinity is something that was projected onto her and her sense of the feminine is something that was robbed from her and her entire identity is built upon that.

like, it was SUPER fun to play with this aspect of rose striderism because i usually do see her portrayed as butch or masc or just really punk/alt but it was very important for me that this wasn't something that she chose for herself and that it wasn't something that was really true to how she saw herself. dave's issues with masculinity was handed to him on a platter by bro and i wanted that for rose as well

so it was super important for me to talk about her binding. it was super important to explore it as something that was done to her, something that doesn't even really do anything for her as she does it, except fulfilling an aesthetic that was obviously given to her to uphold. it is another form of mutilation that she happily accepts and buys into.

ngl the mutilation is also a reference. i don't really write trans striders (i prefer trans lalondes tbh HJSKFG) but if/when i do, you better KNOW that they're never not thinking about cutting their titties off with their swords. it's their Thing.

You are now a twelve year old drug addict/you are now a twelve year old rat. This wasn't done on purpose but after this point, she never refers to herself as a 'girl'. she gets a quick mention at being bro's sister while lil cal's influence is still holding the narrative but after this point she's just referred to as rose in every 'introduction' sentence and ugfhdgfgd noice

shoutout to this section by the way i think i wrote it while losing my shit on my adhd meds HAHA. i always love the extra edge of mania that gets infused in my writing when i'm hyped up on them enough (i actually have a series on ao3 specifically and secretly dedicated to my Way Too Hyped Up On My Adderall writing, fun fact). this section is also a shoutout to the fact that i've just always been obsessed with psychology and these experiments are some examples of

like, the approach was: ok ricky imagine you're at a bar drunkenly explaining actual real life nature vs nurture experiments to an unwitting third party

Let me be warm. My life is darkness and all I want is a single dose of light. 

note to self: steal that from myself and put it in a book wtf

rose's silly junkie era is so fun because it's me twisting alcoholic meteorstuck rose into the worst thing it could possibly be and she is so cute hjskgsdg

this part was so fun and what's SO fun about reading back on it is literally seeing the parts of the fic where, in the process of writing it, i went... wait let's go a step further WAIT wouldn't it be crazy if i did this or that. here is where i simultaneously realized, YES let's acknowledge within the fic that this is a FIC, let the narrator know about the trigger warnings and the summary. let the narrator understand and point out characterization. let the narrator take plot points and toss them out completely and tease their existence out despite their removal yESSSSS.

now, the latter is actually not the first time i've written that. it's something i've been practicing a lot lately, playing with unreliable narrators and the way they relay actions. playing with what is omitted rather than what is directly and incorrectly said. it's so fun GOD it's SOOOOOO fun to say something happened but not allow it to be studied even a little bit. it's so fun to spend an entire chapter detailing a list of years only to be like. oh yeah by the way, this whole time something else was happening that we just neglected to mention, oops, yeah. and it was such a perfect loophole for my own discomfort HJSKDF go me

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

this was the part of the fic that i was the MOST excited about. there was absoLUTELY no plan for it WHATSOEVER it appeared INCREDIBLY RANDOMLY after i was inspired and reminded by a random ass homestuck PLAY i found on ao3 (this one btw it's super good) that i'm also a playwright and i miss writing in a play format. SJDKFGSDFG. i love playing with format so MUCH and the first few inklings of this idea came from me wanting to use a BROTHER/SISTER format, completely stripping bro and rose's identity into nothing but their familial roles

and then i realized who'd be perfect to do just that

i believe this is the first time i also had to wrestle with what color to use on bro: which is something i tend to struggle with literally whenever i have to incorporate pesterchum colors for him. however, this fic really solidified it for me: as much as i love using orange for bro, it's important to use black for him because lil cal stole his color from him and stole what agency and 'character' he had. the black makes him a NPC, he's reduced to a default setting, and that's perfect. every time i remember that, the urge to put some likeness to dirk into him evaporates instantly

now, i've already talked about my approach to lil cal's characterization so i won't repeat much but i WILL do more to point out specific aspects of it

this part is funny cuz yes it's supposed to be a reference to arquius/equius but also it's a reference to me being really fucking gay for bro. caliborn/lil cal is also gay for bro but also it's just me. i'm the one who wants to kiss bro. i'm the one drooling about his sexy sexy Sexy tight shirt. it's ME.

this part is funny cuz caliborn is not gay for bro and i am Not a lolicon HJDKFGLSDFG

i hope how much fun and delight i was experiencing writing this scene shines through because it was the most fun and the MOST delightful

1)the injection line is super hot 2) reference to laugh track! i love bro feeling one way but being psychically tortured into acting another!! i love thinking about how that would look from the outside!!!!!!!

3) this is the start of the ASPECTS being highlighted in CAPS LOCK which i was INCREDIBLY TEMPTED to also format into their aspect colors but i was TOO FUCKING LAZY and was already doing a lot. it was an impulse that turned into a mini-challenge to me to see just how many aspects i could naturally fit into the prose without trying to force it, very much looking forward to seeing what that count looks like at the end

1)having to google drug safety phrases cuz i couldnt think of good ones off the top of my head was fun 2) who is the green? is the green caliborn or is it lord english or is it The Game? to me, the answer is, of course, all of the above, but especially The Game to me. again, this building and completely unplanned theme of Sburb being an entity capable of opinion and omniscience, and being nearly as much of a character capable of narration as Rose is... really started to solidify here, as lil cal, another inanimate object and another construct of The Game and another impossibility of paradox space, gets to suddenly narrate as well

which is rly what drives me crazy about KYM and what kill/switch has turned into. who or What the fuck is the narrator and what does it Mean to narrate within the context of the story. it isn't like the epilogues where someone is taking it consciously, so what? i can't wait to see if i ever have a specific answer for this, or if it will always just be the consequence of me just having so much fun in the writing process.

speaking of who is the narrator, who tf is the black caps vs the orange HJSDKFGDSG it's so so soooo fun playing with lil cal's ouroboros of possession. i love playing with meshing the two, like the black caps is the possessed narrator channeling lil cal's vibes as it channels any of it's hosts vibes, while the orange is lil cal's words straight from lil cal's lil bitch mouth

oh the SATISFACTION in getting to write the puppet bro moment. the SATISFACTION!!!!! writing this and getting to think and wonder just how many times lil cal has spoken through bro was so fUN

hey did yall know there's white font littered all throughout the fic because there's white font littered all throughout the fic and this is its first usage of it

i don't have specific thoughts (yet) about lil cal and his possible connections to doc scratch.

i do have thoughts about using the white in a way that would be hidden from most readers but still signified in a way for people to try and curiously try and find it. i attempted this by neglecting to white out the punctuation, leaving a big awkward space for a chosen few to hopefully consider poking at

bro slamming rose's head into a wall until she passes out and then regaining control of himself just in time for the effects of her drugs to hit him and passing out with a smile of pride on his face while lil cal (and the GAME) fucking pouts all tf over it. oh yeah baby. oh yeah this is what dreams are MADE of

VERY important speed-run of a VERY important rose strider hc

imo, rose is a better fighter than dave, right. she's better at becoming bro's protege than him. she's his perfect child. she's him.

so.

dave, in his failure, really only barely gets past lvl 1 of bro's intended training by the time sburb starts. maybe he's inching his way through lvl 2. he never even so much as gets a PEEK of lvl 3.

while rose is SOARING towards lvl 10. ok maybe that's a lil much. maybe she's at like 5 and a half. STILL.

so

i wanted to show that. i wanted to say YEAH not only is rose strifing but she strifes WAY more often than dave. i wanted to say yeah not ONLY is she getting attacked physically in the bathroom and kitchen but it's happening several times a day. i wanted to say yeah you thought shit was only physical and psychological??? hell nah bro started engaging in biochemical warfare against her body and she's all for it. i had this absolutely batshit hc about bro forcing rose to strife on roofies on a regular basis and it being something she (mostly) willfully encourages. GOD.

one thing i regret and mourn was that my pacing(???????) didn't allow all too much room to show rose befriending the other zetas and why she adores them so much. i think i summarized it enough with each friend brings a universe to you, but damn that is a premise that deserves a big long ramble

god what the hell is this AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA makes me so mad that bro is so cute with her JHKDFGSDFG this is just me shipping brose so goddamn hard, man... so goddamn hard...

also it was very fun to show bro literally handing rose some drugs on a silver platter after bashing her so often for them earlier. looking back, this is very much a moment where gamzee's influence on cal was absolutely in effect. he's affectionate and willing to share in the drug stash

another thing i regret not elaborating much on. although i think the sardonic nod at myself was super funny (yes it is so on the nose and obvious ooh so original a lolita reference in a het grooming fic) but i do wish i went more into detail about... rose attempting to find her femininity again and specifically the fact that this is happening because of what she's seen of jade and of women in media

(i dont think rose has read lolita but i do think she watched at least parts of the sexualized movie version)

(((man maybe i'll edit this bit cuz i do a lot with rape culture and how it affects rose but i'd love to add some porn culture thoughts as well... femininity and empowerment being joined with objectifying the self for men's benefit and rose attempting to lean into that as she tries to seduce bro because she is unaware of her appeal to him, a gay man)))

also, another laugh track moment, and another hc about bro and how he experiences attraction (and how it's been poisoned by lil cal)

Something in Bro’s face changes, then, the shift in possessive influence, gamzee losing what control he had over bro

You drape your arms around your brother’s shoulders. He grunts. “What are you doing?”  bro returning, sluggishly reacting to what's happening, displeased with affection he didn't initiate and would consider weak

You kiss him on the cheek, girlish and soft. He grimaces. “Kid,” he warns. bro at the forefront. she does something 'girly', he reiterates and reinforces the gender neutral. it is a warning to stop before lil cal notices what's happening, and before she does something he'll really hate

You kiss him again, on the mouth this time. He pushes you away, disgusted. “The fuck?” bro continuing to be at the forefront, suddenly confronted with the fact that rose is attracted to him. as far as he is aware of, nothing he has done to her has ever been linked to 'attraction'. his assaults of her (as bro strider) at this point are a 'lesson'. they are not the result of a paraphilia. he is not attracted to his own child (the attraction is to power, it's to himself, it's ???????). the thought itself disturbs the fuck out of him. is he even aware of how much he has done at this point? does he even remember? is this bro at his purest, without any other influence or sickness manipulating his thoughts?

He breathes harshly. Sweat pops into his forehead, a vein bulging to view above his shades. He looks agonized. lil cal possession! his brain is getting zapped to hell and back and lil cal is fucking screaming at him for allowing something so DISGUSTING to happen. he's not the only one disturbed now, vessel and host are both SO unhappy with this turn of events

he grabs you by the wrist and yanks with a sudden roar of “c'mere.” bro on his own isn't the type of person to raise his voice when he's angry. the violent change in volume here is courtesy of lil cal (leaning towards caliborn?), though he's still largely in control

It’s like you’ve been filled with candy. Bright, fizzy, fuzzy candy that sparkles and foams up like nothing you’ve ever seen. Bro throws you to the ground. He looms over you, huge and terrifying. He corrects you with a sudden, sinister snarl. “You are meat.” lil cal officially puppetering bro completely. candy/meat reference to trigger caliborn even further. why can lil cal read rose's mind???? because of their connection? and/or because of gamzee's chucklevoodoos and the fraction of that ability still held inside of him

“You’re defenseless,” he informs you, drawing a sword from his specibi. “You’re helpless.” rape culture rape culture. it's also interesting to see where kym bro's obsession with it comes from. caliborn's misogyny, sure, but equius, too, in his obsession with the hierarchy, with his fetishization of it and the power structures within it, which of course also fuels the 'attraction'. you're helpless and this is something that i will help you fix... also a sentiment leftover from dirk/hal.

he reaches down suddenly, snarling again, one hand closing around your throat and the other, well. at this point, bro is all action. he is a melting pot of impulses and commands. every aspect of lil cal shouting different things, parts of him rebelling against the intimacy and demanding it be twisted, other parts obsessed with correcting behavior through violence, other parts overwhelmed with arousal and being unable to cope with it otherwise. all at once. all at OOOOONCE. It’s funny to see the contortions on your brother’s face as he fucks you, the forced clench of his jaw, the gratification, the aaaaaaaaaaaaaall of it

'sober up jfc' was such a funny command because the jfc was added at the last minute cuz >rose: sober up just... sounded so bland on its own. needed more OOMPH after the insanity of the scene before

it's also an ode to how much i fucking love that fucking roof my god i could write 6487569045634563950634563 strife scenes forever and never get tired of them

which is another thing i find fun about the rose strider character study. it fills in blanks that i havent written in break and bind us. the thought that bro is aware enough of his own crimes to contemplate suicide more than once isssss GOD yeah... god yeah... i probably wont ever write it much with dave himself because it's already in kym but GOD!!!

this was me struggling to transition to the present JHKDFGSFG like god you get so caught in a feedback loop of insanity and adrenaline that sometimes it's hard to move away from it (which is why i largely write oneshots cuz then i dont have to AHAHA)

surpriiiiise... it was a surprise to me, too. again, the pregnancy plot came long after i had actually started the fic, and rose's 'sickness' was only ever meant to be mental at first. suddenly plotting this and connecting it back to the first chapter/summary felt so wild to do hjsdkfgs

and with that we have the YIKES and me going jesus christ that was the end of the chapter huh goddamnit this fic is way longer than i wanted godDamn. this chapter is insane and i love it so much god.

[kittynomsdeplume]

Writer Tag Game

Thanks for the tag @morganlefaye79 and @thedastrash.

Do you write in order?

For one-shots, I usually do. Beyond quickly noting down one or two sentences that might have already formed as I was thinking about a concept/prompt.

I hate it though, this compulsion I have to write linearly and I've been working to try and break the habit. To allow myself to skip over parts i'm having trouble with and come back to them later.

For multi-chapters fics though, I might have random bits and pieces in each chapter written if there is a set piece that I know is going specifically into that chapter.

Do you start with something in particular?

The beginning!

Generally when I'm starting, I might only have a vague idea of what the overall piece is going to be. I might know the beats I want to hit, but not exactly how I'm going to depict them.

Sometimes I might have just a very vivid moment, something I want to show, or even some lines of dialogue that the whole piece evolves from, so they might get put down first, but then I need to go back and think, well, how did they get here? And that's usually the point where the seeds are lain for a very simple concept to blow out into a 10K word fic 😑

How fully formed does your writing come out on the first try?

I would say it's fairly well formed. Another bad habit I have, where I struggle to move on if each sentence doesn't sound quite right. Eventually I get frustrated enough to carry on, usually. I am getting better at just letting go and keeping the momentum going, but it's ridiculous how easily I fall into old habits.

I'm always annoyed at myself too when I realise I've been sitting agonising over something for thirty minutes, and every time I'm like, 'Oh, you should just move on!'. It always seems like this novel thought too, like I've never considered the possibility before.

I feel like all the sensible things I've learned over years of writing, just completely disappear from my head when I'm deep in the midst of writing.

How many drafts do you go through?

Pssh, I really have no idea. I have a tendency (and it's probably a bad one), to write a bunch of stuff and then come up for air. At that point, I sit back, go back to the start and read everything over, editing it as I go.

I also do this frequently when I'm really stumped and can't figure out how to move the story forward.

So depending on the length of the story, and how much trouble I had getting it all down, I might have been over it five times, or fifty times before its done.

The one benefit to this though is that, when I am finishing up the end, or the last tricky passage that I was struggling with, I know that the rest of the fic is probably pretty solid by that point. It's a nice relief to know that I can just publish the story and finally forget about it 😆

Tell me about your process?

Pretty simple to be honest. Have obsessive thought - furiously type obsessive thought into document. Then spend days, or a month in abject agony, trying to build a coherent narrative around that thought.

Sometimes I'll be reading shit posts from fandoms I don't even know anything about, and I'll have a thought like, 'Oh that's such a blorbo vibe.'

Truly though, so many of my fics begin with a thought like, 'Wouldn't it be funny...' and I imagine some truly bonkers, crack nonsense. So then I start writing it, cackling with glee, and somewhere along the way I think, 'Wouldn't this be better if they were suffering?'.

I also spend an absurd and probably unnecessary amount of time researching all manner of things. Again, I'm always annoyed with myself at the end of this process too, because its hours and hours of deep-diving on some topic, which ends up being like three words in the final fic 😅 Or even worse, all that time spent and then I go, 'Ahhh, ya know, I changed my mind, I'm not even gonna mention this particular thing in any event.'

No-one really needs to know the type of flora that grows at a specific altitude, in mountainous regions, during a certain period of the year and in a particular hemisphere/geographic location - IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR SMUT FIC KITTY! 🫣

Researching other people OC's however, is never a waste of time. I need to absorb their essence before I can even contemplate writing them. Otherwise I just get extreme anxiety and can't write anything at all.

As to the nitty gritty, I am 100% a pantser. I don't really do outlines or anything. I have the concept in my head and I just sit down and start writing it. The only notes I would make are if there is very specific plot points, or details I need to remember. Say like the age of a character, or the time of year its set, or something significant about a location etc. Sometimes, dialogue for a later scene has formed perfectly in my head and I don't want to risk forgetting exactly how it went, so that gets noted down.

Beyond that, I don't always know exactly how a story is going to play out, I just feel it out as I go.

I actually sat down and outlined a whole long-fic once, and by the time I was done, I no longer had any compulsion to write it. Knowing what was going to happen sort of robbed me of the excitement of discovery so... I try to avoid over-planning fics now because I don't want that to happen again 😅

Tagging: @sidhelives | @charlatron | @noire-pandora | @rosella-writes | @dreadfutures | @isk4649 | @queenaeducan | @cleverblackcat | @pikapeppa | @charmcity-jess

[ailendolin]

Hello, my darling! I wanted to send you a few emojis for the "Let's Get ((REAL)) fic writer asks" so here you go! 💫 (what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?) 💥 (find your least kudos'd fic - say something wonderful about it) and 🍭 (why did you start writing?)

💫 What is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

Definitely the elaborate ones that point out specific scenes, lines or themes - not just because it's really lovely to be able to talk about your own story and the writing process but also because it really helps to figure out what your readers look for in a fic and which parts touched them the most.

💥 Find your least kudos'd fic - say something wonderful about it.

My two fics with the least amount of kudos (4 each) are The Perfect Present and Missing Pieces - two Yonderland fics featuring the Cake Bake Ladies. I'm not really surprised not many people read them given that the Cake Bake Ladies are very minor characters in the show but I can genuinely say that I like both fics very much - the first one because it builds on the worldbuilding I established in previous fics (aka Ho-Tan being friends with Edith which leads to the Youngers going to her for advice) and the second one because it adds more depth to the Cake Bake Ladies' relationship and fleshes out their characters.

🍭 Why did you start writing?

I think my main motivation for writing is and always has been a longing to explore things canon can't or won't. I love taking throwaway lines and building a story around them. I love filling in the moments when the camera fades to black. I love breathing life into characters with barely any lines. I've been writing fanfiction for nearly 20 years now and that's never changed, and I'd like to think that the love for the characters and the source material that lays the groundwork for my writing shines through in my works.

Ask Game can be found here.

[ruinmegently]

Happy Sunday Ask-A-Thon! Thank you for following us (@ask-a-thon) from the previous blog. On to your Sunday questions! [What inspired you to write your very first piece of writing? What about your most current WIP(s)? How has your writing changed from the beginning to now?

Thank you for the ask!

A roleplay board about wolves, and a copy of 1984 that my late cousin let me read when I was around 14. The RP board really expanded my vocabulary and showed me how other people write, and I struggled to read 1984 at the time, kept having to re-read paragraphs to really understand it. The thing I ended up writing was a big lovingly written mess about a future Earth, where wolves had become the dominant species by discovering this "goop" that they could descend into, and become genetically altered. Altering themselves became like some sort of ritual for them. And some packs wanted to completely eradicate humans, but other packs wanted to help them instead. There was also some scene about a mysterious boy wandering the land with a hawk for a guide, and a group of humans stumbling upon a long-buried city only to find cryo tanks filled with other humans from the ancient age. I lived my life in a fugue state as a kid, my dude.

These Barren Wilds also grew from a roleplay idea. My partner and I write together. I did some world building for an AU story between two of our characters, but we never really got started on it (we moved forward with something else instead). The world of TBW got stuck in my head, though, until it bloomed into its own standalone idea.

I went from a narcissistically confident writer with no skill, to a timid writer who doubted themselves (and boy did it show), to now: I have a nice little toolkit, but much more to learn, with confidence that stems from excitement about the process of writing. Beats and themes, POV and metaphor, tone, authorial voice, all that nerd shit. I always say "I don't care what genre a story is — I'll read it if I like the writing," and I stand by that in my own writing process, too. If I like an author's voice, count me in 100%. So, I guess I went from "oh look I know this cool word imma use it" to "how can I use specific words and specific sentence pacing to express a character's voice? Their view of the world? How can I use this view of the world to show an emotion, without really talking about that feeling?" My writing ends up not being very plot-driven, but process-driven. The story flows into itself in a nonlinear way, usually. And when I'm really in my groove, I tend to write kinda erratically: stopping mid-sentence to write a new one a few lines later, then connecting the earlier one to the later one. Basically, younger-me wrote in the way I thought writing was "supposed" to happen. And now current-me works with the flighty twitchiness of my brain instead of against it.

That was long oop.

[annawayne]

(you do write, so you are a writer-writer, and a fantastic one even♡)

ok so for the ask game: 🥺🎢🛒💖🦅🤭🧠(annie) and ✨️

Thank you so, so much, both for asking and for your words T___T

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?

Oh, yes. This is THAT moment when one character is in danger and another one just is so lost in emotions and feelings. It works for me both in canon and in my writing. I think, that situations like these open up what REALLY a character feels and thinks because this is the question of life and death.

🎢 Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

It's definitely "Bury Me in the Shadows of Spring" because the plot here is emotional damage ™. It's so dense with feelings, so sometimes when I reread my plot outline, I feel like my heart is broken.

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

I already answered it here, so I'm just referring to this answer :)

💖 What made you start writing?

Oh… I guess, my love for literature in general. I wrote some "original" stuff a long time ago when I was 11–15 years old, and I was really engaged in the process, of how the only power of words building the whole world! Then, I even wrote a whole "original" story when I was 18, it has like…~200k words? (I never published it and never will). It has two parallel plot-lines, one is the diary that describes the events of the past, and the second one is the present. Two lines collide when the "present" one finds the diary, and the mystery of their world becomes larger and larger, heh. The diary line due to some event has no stars and the "endless" night, so it has a lot of reference to the constellations and stars. It's actually called "Through the corridors of stars" (yeah, I love pathetic titles...) But after that, I didn't write anything. When I opened the world of fan fiction back in 2020, all these years I had a will to start writing again, but this time publish it. It took me 2,5 years to overcome the fear and the stupid uncertainty to start writing in English, so here I am!

🦅 Do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants?

Oh, always outline! Before starting BMSS I wrote a whole separate doc with each chapter and key events. Also, I marked some specific details for the chapter structure as Annie's chapters are colorful, it always has a lot of references to the art itself + the title of her chapters is the actual painting title, and the whole chapter in Annie's POV is built around this canvas. In Armin's we have a more lyrical, wordy style, he has more inner reflections. Their mutual POVs chapters have their titles mixed, and so are the styles of their narration :)

As for one-shot, it goes the same way. Key points, some key topics (as I like to choose a few leading topics and to look at them from different angles and POVs).

🤭 Do you have a favorite tag to use when posting your works?

(Author hates it)

This is, the tag. Describes me very well :DDD

🧠 Pick a character, and I'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them. (Annie)

I always agree about Annie being the one who is struggling to show her feelings properly, but for the same reason, I find her the one who can be incredibly soft once she is certain nobody would hurt her. And also I feel like she is emotionally deprived, so once she learned not only to be the receiver of attention and affection, but also a giver…oh my, this girl will shower you with all these adorable things, but SMALL once, It's not big romantic dates, but mundane and ORDINARY things that, maybe, are even more precious.

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

My limit on self compliments is already dead with this answer, but…uhm, Ann, please, calm down and enjoy the process. You're doing great and something that you wanted for so long, be proud of yourself, goddammit :D