#my version on deviantart has many typographical errors that are fixed on tumblr (I may edit my deviantart version in the future)

[firebirdtransam68]

Trans Am's Pet Cat

This short story is based on this joke that is not very well-known in my opinion, but does have some dry humor in it (or any other humor).  I am open to suggestions if I need to improve my writing skills.  If you did not like my story, move on to another story without making harsh comments (this is my third story, so far).

Here it goes:

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"Trans Am's Pet Cat" by FirebirdTransAm68

A 1982 Pontiac Firebird Trans Am was in a spacious, four-car garage with a few tools and containers neatly put aside to make room for the parked car.  He was petting his semi-long-haired Calico cat with his robotic arm.

Trans Am's owner bought a cat and was originally going to keep her, but decided to give her to his car, since he had a connection with an inanimate object (who is also sentient, but humans could not see that).

The cat's name was Tomoe.  She was a white cat with black, brown, and orange patches all over her body, one green and one blue eye, and a red collar with a brass bell dangling over it.  She really loved to be petted, since she was leaning towards the robotic hand stroking her, and was purring with bliss.

Trans Am's commlink beeped, and he activated it.

"Hello, this is Trans Am."

"Hey, Trans Am, this is Camaro.  Guess what?  The Grand Chassis race track is open near I-6 and Phoenix Boulevard, and they are inviting us in!  I am so excited, I cannot wait!"

The Grand Chassis race track was a monthly event where cars of all kinds compete against one another, and the winner becomes the top Grand Champion of the year (prizes were common for winners, as well).

Trans Am was enthusiastic about being invited to such special event.  "Really?  Well, I would really like to come to the event, but I am concerned about leaving my cat unguarded; she recently had a broken leg from the last fall she took, and she is prone to mischief which can put her at risk..."

"Oh, do not worry," said Camaro reassuringly, "you can also get a cat-sitter to watch over her while you are at the event.  I can contact Tesla to watch over her while you are gone."

"Thank you for the offer, but I already have someone else in mind to watch over her," Trans Am said, "and besides, isn't Tesla coming along for the Grand Chassis event, anyways?"

"Oh, right, I forgot... but he won't be participating; he wanted to watch us race so he can cheer us on."

"In other words, be part of the audience."

"Yeah, that's right."

"Well, all right, then; I will be on my way; I have to drop Tomoe off to my brother's garage, first.  See you there," Trans Am said.

"Okay, see you," Camaro said, and they both hung up.

                              ---------------------------- *^* -----------------------------

Trans Am's brother's garage was only three blocks away from his home garage, and traffic was very mild today, so he had plenty of time to drop off his cat and zoom to the event he could not wait for.  He stopped at one traffic light when it turned red, and waited until it turned green.

It would otherwise be a decent day, had it not been for one inconvenience.

"Hey, gaslighter!"

Trans Am groaned, but kept his composure.

"Hello, Prius; what brings you here?"

A dark gray Toyota Prius was on the left side of Trans Am's lane, also waiting for the light to go green, but decided to harass his arch-nemesis solely for being a gas-fueled car (hence the term "gas-lighter").

"Nothing much, but I am not spilling any gas or smog unlike YOU are."

Trans Am had a catalytic converter, so there was no smog emanating from his exhaust pipe, and there was not a single drop of oil or gasoline spilling from him.

"Well, at least I am not wasting lithium since I do not run on electricity, unlike YOU," Trans Am decided to make a comeback of his own.

"Oooh, Trans Am is starting to throw a temper tantrum, because he did not get his way~!" Prius resorted to taunting.  "Nyah, nyah, nyaahh!"

If Trans Am had eyes like a human, he would roll them; he scoffed at Prius' childish behavior, obviously not amused.

Tomoe peaked out of Trans Am's driver window, and looked at Prius, who then stopped taunting and stood in silence.  She meowed.

"AAACKK!!!" Prius moved backward a little bit, and seemed to be shivering, "I hate cats!  Get it away from me, please!!"

"Why?" Trans Am asked with confidence, "what did cats do to you besides scaring you with their looks alone?"

Now Prius was fuming, but also terrified at the same time.  "Why, you!"

"Hmph."  Trans Am zoomed off after the light turned green.

Prius missed his light, and was stuck there until the next light turns green.  Another car slowed down for his next light next to Prius, and both of them waited.

The car decided to speak.

"I want to fly.  I want to fly high in the sky, so I can show those airplanes that there is more to cars where that came from.  I will climb up the highest building, and I will jump, accelerate my engine, and I will take off in midair like a plane does.  What do you think?  Do you think I will become a great--"

"Oh, shut up!" Prius said, harshly.

                              ---------------------------- *^* -----------------------------

Trans Am stopped near another four-car garage that was not as luxurious as his own garage, but was a very nice garage, nonetheless.  It was made of light gray adobe, had a metallic door, and a brick roof.  He rang the buzzer with his robotic hand, and waited a bit.

The garage door opened, and out came another 1982 Pontiac Firebird Trans Am.  He was dark maroon, had no bowling-ball hubcaps like Trans Am did, and had a brownish-red flaming bird symbol with its wings stretched on his hood.  He slowly moved out of his garage towards Trans Am

"Hey, brother!  Good to see you," he said, jovially, as if they had not seen each other in a very long time.

"Long time no see, Firebird," Trans Am said.

"Why don't you come inside, and we can chat about the good old times, and whatnot."

"I appreciate it, brother; but I have to go to this special event with my cousin Camaro, and he really wanted me to come.  I also have a pet that I do not want to leave alone.  So, I was wondering if you would offer to watch her for me while I go to the event.  I will be gone for a week or two."

"Sure thing, Trans Am, but I do not have enough experience with companion-sitting besides feeding them and giving them water, of course," Firebird said, hesitantly.

"It is quite simple, really; all she needs is shelter, and has to be inside more since she can get hurt by being too adventurous; she recently broke her leg, and is still recovering from it.  So I would really appreciate it if not only you give her the necessities as well as shelter, but also keep her inside more often, all right," Trans Am said.

"Will do," said Firebird.

"Here you go," Trans Am opened his car door, and out came Tomoe, who walked quickly towards Firebird, and started rubbing his front right tire.  "Oh, and she can be quite affectionate, just to warn you a little bit."

"That is quite all right," Firebird assured.

"Take good care of her; I must be off," Trans Am backed up a little bit, and then turned and drove off to his destination.

"Good luck, brother!" Firebird shouted.

                              ---------------------------- *^* -----------------------------

Two days passed, and Trans Am, Camaro, Super Bee, and others were getting ready for the next race after Trans Am won two rounds.  The Grand Chassis was enormous; way bigger than NASCAR; and the track had more of a pattern instead of a simple ellipse.  The track was freshly paved, and was thirty-five feet wide, and only three miles long.  The audience seating was positioned like a football stadium, but with seats that are big enough for cars to settle in; Tesla was on the sixth row, cheering Trans Am and Camaro on.

After cleaning himself up, Trans Am decided to check on his brother and Tomoe's state first, so he drove off to a near-by vacant parking lot and set up his commlink.

"Hello, Trans Am," Firebird's voice said through the commlink.

"How do you know it was me?" Trans Am asked.

"Lucky guess..."

"Well, all right, then... Anyways, I was just calling to check on you and Tomoe.  So, how is she doing?"

"She is fine," Firebird said, bluntly.

Trans Am can detect a slight hesitation in his brother's voice, but let that slide off, since he believed Firebird was still a little unfamiliar with pet-sitting, but is otherwise doing well.

"All right; well, I will check up on you again in a couple of days or so.  Goodbye."

"Goodbye."

They both hung up; ten seconds later, Camaro came up to Trans Am.

"Hey cousin, hurry; the next round is about to start!  We do not want to be late.  Come on, let's go."

"Coming, cousin," Trans Am raced off with Camaro to get to the race track on time.

                              ---------------------------- *^* -----------------------------

After the fifth round was completed, Trans Am decided to contact Firebird again to check up on Tomoe for the second time.  Firebird answered, but not in a way Trans Am expected.

"Look, Prius, I don't have time for any of your petty shenanigans or all of that scrap!  So why don't you go away and--"

"Hello, brother," Trans Am said, slowly.

There was a one second pause.

"Oh, Trans Am; it's you.  I am so sorry about that; Prius has been prank-calling me lately, and he was really getting on my nerves.  Thank goodness it is you, brother," Firebird said.

"Well, that figures," Trans Am said, unenthusiastically.  "Well, anyway, I am calling again to check up on Tomoe."

"She is still fine..." Firebird drawled a bit.

"Are you sure about that," questioned Trans Am.

"Yes."

"All right, then.  Well, I will check up on you tomorrow.  Goodbye."

Trans Am hung up, and decided to call his father, whom he had not talked to in a while.

"This is GTO; I am not at home right now, so please leave a message, and I will get right back to you.  Thank you, and have a nice day."

Trans Am did not leave a message, and turned off his commlink.

"He has not been answering his commlink, lately.  I wonder why..."

                              ---------------------------- *^* -----------------------------

Trans Am decided to take a break after thirteen rounds (so far, he had won eight rounds; two more, and he and he would become the Grand Champion of the Grand Chassis race track of the year).  And once again, he called his brother.

"Hello, brother."

"Hello, Firebird.  So, how is Tomoe?"

There was a three second pause before Firebird spoke.

"I'm sorry, Trans Am, but Tomoe just died."

Trans Am was lost for words.  He could not believe what he just heard.  Not only was he heartbroken to hear about Tomoe's death, but was also shocked and hurt that Firebird just told him that she died out of the blue without giving him enough information as to what really happened.

He started to speak after ten seconds.

"Firebird, how can you just say that, especially out of the blue?  You could have just broken it in to me in a more gradual and gentle way.  You already knew that I told you I would be gone for a week or two, and I did not expect to hear this news so unexpectedly, especially after you said she was fine twice when I called you."

"Sorry," Firebird said with a hint of guilt in his voice.  "I am not very good at breaking the news as much, so I may need assistance.  So, how should I have said it, instead?"

Trans Am regained his composure more, and started to speak:

"Well, if I called you the first time, you could have said something along the lines of 'Well, Tomoe is on the roof, and she cannot get down; I will let you know after your next race.'  And then the next time I called you, you could have said, 'I got Tomoe down, but she appears to be in very bad shape; the doctors are doing their best to get her back to normal, but I fear she may not make it; but try not to think about that right now, and focus on your next race.'  And THEN when I called you again, then you could say that she died.  If that were to have happened instead, it would not have come off as a shock as it is right now."

"Again, I am sorry," Firebird apologized.

"That is quite all right," said Trans Am, calmly, "I should not have snapped at you like that, I am sorry; however, sudden tragedy is worse than gradual tragedy, so it was very difficult for me to deal with it."

They both calmed down, and stood in silence for about fifteen or twenty seconds until Trans Am asked Firebird, "Well, anyways, now that that is out of the way, how is Dad?"

"Well, he is on the roof and he cannot get down..."