#my two long term projects for two studios is literally a short animated film and

[soliusss]

Chat I may have made a grave mistake taking 4 studios as a natural overachiever its time to lock the fuck in

[duhragonball]

End of Evangelion: 25'

Yeah... that's...

"You don't understand!" is pretty much Neon Genesis Evangelion in a nutshell.

Or "You do (not) understand! (true²) Director's Cut" is how the franchise would put it.

Let's just get on with this.

I watched End of Evangelion last night. Well, early A.M. I took a nap and woke up at midnight and it seemed like the right time to watch a thing like this.

I did not enjoy the movie. I'll explain this, of course, but I wanted to get that out of the way up front. There are positives, sure, but I went into this thing hoping for a more satisfying conclusion than what was presented in the TV show, and I didn't get it. Both endings suck. There you go.

Let me back up a bit. So the TV series ran from 1995 to 1996. The final episodes, 25 and 26, were controversial because they were expected to wrap up the whole story, but instead they went in a bizarrely abstract direction. Both of those episodes apparently take place inside Shinji Ikari's mind as he struggles to accept being part of a collective gestalt of every human mind on Earth. This is the result of the "Human Instrumentality Project" a concept mentioned in Episodes 1 -24, but never adequately explained. The final episodes just skip past the part where Human Instrumentality was achieved and shows the result, without bothering to discuss the background or the cause, or the long-term ramifications.

From what I gather, the main reason Episodes 25 and 26 were Like That was because the studio was short on time and money, so a more satisfying conclusion was not practical. But since the series turned out to be so successful, they were able to take another crack at it with End of Evangelion. The film is very clear about its purpose as an "alternative" to Episodes 25 and 26. It's divided into two sections, numbered 25' and 26'.

I'm not sure the viewer is expected to pick one over the other. The original 25&26 take place in Shinji's mind when Human Instrumentality happens. 25' and 26' take place in the outside world, showing the events leading to Human Instrumentality and the aftermath. There may be some continuity issues to iron out, but a fan could easily accept both endings as canon.

That's not my problem here. The problem is not that there are multiple endings, or that the endings are too "abstract", or that the endings aren't "happy". Fundamentally, my gripe is that the endings are confusing. Perhaps it might be said that the endings are pathologically confusing.

I think this is one of those Big, Emotionally Raw Works, where you can't really discuss it without revealing something about yourself in the process. So let's do that. End of Evangelion makes me feel stupid. There's parts of the movie where I'm just completely confused and I have no idea what is happening or why. It feels less like entertainment and more like I'm about to take a test I didn't study for.

Except I did study, because I've literally been taking notes on this thing for the past three weeks. I was looking forward to this, and last night I'm near the end of the movie wondering what the hell I'm going to write here, because I don't understand what the hell happened in the movie.

So I poked around a fan wiki for a bit, trying to get a handle on some of the major concepts, and as I read the articles, I realized that a lot of this information just stone cold never made it into the TV show or the movie. There was one thing I looked up that had to reference a Playstation 2 game that released six years after the movie premiered.

It's not that I'm too stupid to understand Neon Genesis Evangelion. It's that the franchise appears deliberately designed to hide information from the viewer. You're just supposed to roll with it, I guess. Or spend days researching all this side material. Read the manga, read the wiki, read fan commentaries. I hate this. I hate this so much.

So maybe I'm not stupid. Maybe the anime was just badly designed. That would be comforting, except I still feel stupid for investing so much time into trying to understand this thing that seems purposely rigged to defy understanding. It's not just the ending. That's what everyone talks about, but the ending is just a symptom of a bigger problem. The beginning is really slow. Then the middle starts to get weird, and there's a lot of mysteries and subplots and lore that gets set up with the implied promise that "we'll explain later". And the ending(s) drop that ball. The surgery was a success, but the patient died.

I feel stupid because I got a reply to one of my liveblog posts, I think Episode 12, in response to some comment I made about all the characters having the same backstory. Ritsuko has a complicated relationship with her workaholic scientist mother. Misato has a complicated relationship with her workaholic scientist father. Shinji has a complicated relationship with his workaholic scientist father. Is that a theme or did they only have one idea? My point is that eventually it stops being clever and starts being redundant. Later, we learn that Asuka has... a complicated relationship with her workaholic scientist mother.

"What, are you stupid?" asked the reply guy to my wry observation. They deleted it a few minutes after I saw it, so maybe they felt some remorse over the comment. Normally, I let these things slide. I might respond if I get legitimately hot about it. But this one got to me. "Am I stupid?" I asked myself last week. I seem to be complaining a lot about this show, but it's supposed to be a classic. Am I not giving it a chance? Am I missing something here? Am I just not smart enough to appreciate this thing? Am I just not trying hard enough?

If you're reading this, Reply Guy, please know that I didn't take it personally. I'm not upset with you at all, but I am trying to be honest with myself about this. This Neon Genesis Evangelion business has been frustrating me all month long. Now I'm at the end and it all feels very hollow, like I wasted my time.

I think that's my philosophy on life. I try to seek out new things to explore, usually stories, and sometimes they don't work out the way I wanted them to, and that's okay, because it's the journey that counts. Shinji Ikari keeps shutting down throughout his story, asking why he should bother doing anything, because he's too terrified of the possible outcomes of his actions. My thing is that bad stuff happens all the time no matter what, and you just sort of have to recover and move forward, because that's the only way to see what happens next. So I'm not sure if I can relate to Shinji or not.

Anyway, let's talk about Shinji masturbating in a hospital room over Asuka's comatose body.

I had heard about this scene, but I didn't realize how long and pathetic it is. Asuka had a nervous breakdown in Episode 23. This movie has to follow up on that, becuase Episodes 24, 25, and 26 each refused to pick up on her character arc.

Meanwhile, Shinji is wracked with guilt and dread over his battle with the 17th Angel in Episode 24. He had to kill Kaworu, but in spite of Kaworu's betrayal, he was still a friend to Shinji when he needed it the most, and he was such a good sport about getting killed, you know?

So this movie has to get us back to that moment, when Shinji and Asuka are at their lowest ebb, and I guess they decided that Shinji should go see her in the hospital because he's desperate to talk to someone about what's he's been going through. But Asuka's unresponsive, so he starts shaking her like he's trying to wake her up. Instead she just rolls over, which somehow exposes her half-naked body, and Shinji is so overcome with lust that he rubs one out right there and then. Doesn't even get a Kleenex, doesn't find a place to sit, he just whips it out and goes to town right in front of her.

I guess this is supposed to be a joke, but it doesn't land. It's not even a matter of the joke not aging well. Yeah, this is a 27 year old movie, but Shinji admits this is terrible behavior almost immediately. The "joke" didn't age at all. It was stillborn. This is like when you go to a graveyard and you see one of the tiny graves and the dates are from the same year. That's how funny this is.

The most charitable reading I can give this scene is that it represents the hypocrisy of Shinji's whole deal. He constantly insists that he can only do as he's told, because he's afraid of people not liking him if he makes a mistake or thinks for himself. But here he's doing some pretty disgraceful shit, and I sure as fuck didn't tell him to do this. did you? Did anyone? Of course not. He goes limp for most of the rest of the movie, but not here. Nossir. Seems pretty sure of himself in the minute or so it took him to finish his business.

The other aspect of Shinji on display here is that his ideal social interactions are one-sided. He's most comfortable with people when they can't see what he's doing, when they can't touch him back. That's why he wished for isolation in Episode 25. Here, with Asuka unresponsive, he's basically got the same thing.

I suppose the flip side of this is when Asuka kissed Shinji in the TV series. Her hangups are kind of the opposite of his, where she wants to be in charge of everything and everyone constantly showers her with praise for her achievements. She wants to kiss Shinji but she can't be vulnerable enough to admit that, so she orders him to just stand there and be kissed because she wants to "pass the time". And she makes him hold his nose shut because she doesn't want to be breathed on while she does it. I mean, they both have intimacy issues, but at least Shinji had a chance to consent to her weirdness.

In the NERV base, the crew wonder why they're still on alert status, since the last Angel was defeated. There should be no more threats, and it kind of makes sense for NERV to be disbanded. The only business left is the Human Instrumentality Project, and none of these ham-and-eggers know what that is.

But Misato has some information about it, which she mulls over while she's in her car. I guess? Let me explain this in more detail, because the movie never totally gets into the "why" of it all.

Okay, so the SEELE group has access to something called the "Dead Sea Scrolls". According to the NGE wiki, SEELE got it from the two angels that came to Earth, Adam and Lilith, in the distant past. SEELE has used the information contained in the scrolls to establish themselves as the secret rulers of the whole world. And they founded NERV, and its predecessor organizations, to study the Angels and figure out how to preserve the human race.

They talk a lot about Second Impact on this show, but they never explain exactly what caused it. Second Impact was not a meteorite strike or a rampaging angel who self-destructed, or even a lab accident. It was caused deliberately by SEELE, as part of an effort to contain Adam, who lay dormant in Antarctica.

If I understand correctly, this was necessary because at some point, Second Impact would occur anyway, and then Adam's children, the fifteen Angels we saw in the TV series, would come looking for Adam's body and unite with it, triggering a Third Impact that would definitely wipe out humanity. This is all supposedly explained in the Dead Sea Scrolls.

So SEELE's play was to trigger Second Impact deliberately, so that they could confront the Angels on their own terms. This gave NERV time to develop the Evas to fight the Angels, and to shrink Adam down to a more manageable size so he'd be harder to find.

Once the Angels were all defeated, SEELE could then trigger Third Impact. See, the TV series made it seem like the objective was to prevent Third Impact, but that was never possible. Third Impact is inevitable, I guess, so the only way to ensure humanity's survival is to evolve humans into something that can withstand the disaster. Thus, the Human Instrumentality Project, which will combine all human minds into some sort of disembodied superorganism at the moment of Third Impact.

However, throughout the TV series, SEELE has butted heads with the NERV Director, Gendo Ikari, about how this plan is to be implemented. Gendo wants to transform humanity into something new. But SEELE seems to want to retain their human nature and just use the plan as a lifeboat until the disaster has passed. At least, I think that's the disagreement here. Like I said, I had to learn about SEELE's agenda from the description of the PS2 game. It's not exactly a shock that the cabal of worldly oligarchs should want to save themselves and hold onto their wealth and power at the same time.

Gendo, on the other hand, seems mostly fixated on reuniting with his wife, Yui Ikari, who apparently died in 2004 during an experiment with Eva Unit 01. In the TV series, it was heavily implied that Yui lives on inside of Unit 01. Since Gendo's version of Human Instrumentality involves drawing up human minds into a noncorporeal union, I guess he figures that this will include Yui's mind, even if she has no body. It's unclear in this movie if Gendo actually intends to include anyone but himself and Yui in this merger, but in Episodes 25 and 26 of the TV show, Human Instrumentality is presented like it's all humans, even dead ones, and Gendo Ikari talked about it like that's what his version of Third Impact was supposed to be.

I suppose the only thing keeping Gendo and SEELE from turning on each other was the Angel threat, but now that this is over, SEELE attacks. First they try to hack NERV's supercomputers, but this is foiled when they recruit the aid of...

...Ritsuko Akagai, who betrayed NERV in Episode 23 when she destroyed all the Rei clones they had in storage. But she's the only one smart enough with computers to block the hack, so she crawls back inside one of them and uses her dead mother's notes to build a more robust firewall or something. I think she j-pegged a RAM or something, I don't know.

Ritsuko wonders why she's even bothering, since she already turned on Gendo. They had been banging on the down-low, but she got fed up with him when she realized he loved his dead wife more than Ritsuko or her mother, who also used to bang Gendo on the down-low.

With that cyberattack fended off, NERV now has to brace for an actual attack. Admiral Clownshoes notes the irony of NERV defeating all those Angels, only for their final opponent to be the humans they were trying to save.

Tactically, the entire battle is a formality. SEELE runs the whole world, and they can send wave after wave of soldiers into the NERV facility, which is already badly weakened after months of Angel attacks and budget cuts. NERV's defenses were designed for dealing with Angels, and their greatest weapons were the Evas, except Unit-00 was destroyed in Episode 22, and Unit-02's pilot has lost the ability to sync. Nonetheless, Misato wants the pilot kids secured, since she knows SEELE's goons will try to take them out first. She orders Shinji to deploy in Unit-01, and even though Asuka's in no condition to fight, she has her put in Unit-02 and then sent to the bottom of the lake. It's not much of a hiding place, but at least she'll be safer there than inside the base.

Where's Rei? Well, no one can find her, but she's gone down to the room where they keep Lilith and she's soaking in that orange goop they have down there.

Perhaps anticipating this, Gendo excuses himself and orders Clownshoes to take over the defense of the base. Clownshoes seems to know what he's up to, and sends his regards to Gendo's dead wife.

At this point, it's basically a race to see who can trigger their version of Third Impact first. SEELE wanted to use the Lance of Longinus and Lilith somehow, but since the Lance is in space now, they now plan to use Unit-01, the only Eva created from Lilith. That's what makes it special, apparently. Units 00 and 02 were made from Adam, I guess?

Anyway, Gendo plans to do it by combining Adam and Lillith together. He's got Adam's body within his own, and he wants to join with Rei, who contains some essence of Lillith. This was Rei's main purpose all along, I think.

Meanwhile, Misato leaves her post to find Shinji, who was sulking in some corner instead of reporting to his Eva like she ordered. She saves him from some goons, but they're cut off from Unit-01, so she has to find a way to get him where he needs to go. She also has to convince him to cooperate, since Shinji's completely gone to mush in the midst of this new crisis.

As she drives him to where they need to go, she explains (most of) the necessary backstory to him. Second Impact was triggered deliberately to buy time for Human Instrumentality, and humans are descended from Lilith, just as the Angels came from Adam. So in that sence, the human species is collectively the 18th Angel, just another candidate to inherit the future of Earth. Humans, like any of the fifteen Angels spawned from Adam, have the opportunity to trigger Third Impact and secure their place as the dominant life form of Earth, but we had to beat all the Angels first to do it, and then find a way to survive Third Impact when it finally happened.

And while Gendo plans to do with with Adam and Lilith, SEELE wants to use the Eva series, somehow, so it's vital that Shinji use Unit-01 to destroy all the other Evas.

Speaking of destroying Evas, Asuka finally wakes up in Unit-02, which is currently getting battered with depth charges. She still can't control the Eva, and she just keeps whimpering that she doesn't want to die. Eventually, she hears her dead mother promising to protect Asuka, and she realizes the truth: that Asuka's mother, Kyoko Zeppelin, was absorbed into Unit-02, much the same way Shinji's mom was absorbed into Unit-01.

Now, at long last, Asuka can operate her Eva again, and she goes apeshit on the SEELE troops. They sever her power cable, but she doesn't care, boasting that five minutes is plenty of time to take out these creeps. This is honestly the best part of the movie, because they had reduced Asuka to a pitiful shell for so long, and now she's finally taking charge and whoopin' ass.

It won't last.

With the conventional forces beaten, SEELE sends in nine Eva Units of their own. These are units 05 through 13, but they all look the same, and I'm not even sure they have pilots. It's a pretty cool design for a "bad guy" Eva, but they don't figure into the plot very much. They're here to destroy Asuka and Unit-02, and Asuka has to destroy them to stop SEELE.

Meanwhile, Misato has almost gotten Shinji to the Unit-01 launch bay, but she got shot, so she tells Shinji he's on his own from here. Shinji continues to resist taking any responsibility here. He says he's not worthy to pilot the Eva because he hurts people. He killed Kaworu, and he "did something terrible to Asuka". So at least the movie recognizes that. I guess it was included just to show the audience that Shinji isn't exaggerating when he doubts himself like this.

Misato refuses to indulge his self-pity, and she doesn't care how much he cries or tries to use his past actions to disqualify himself. She tells him she's made plenty of her own mistakes, but she still learned something about herself anyway. Hey, I guess Misato kind of gets what I was saying earlier. I guess this makes her my favorite character?

Well, yeah, but I don't like how she gives him a long kiss goodbye, then promises they'll "do the rest" when he gets back. I mean, she dies immediately after he leaves, so I think she was just feeding him empty gestures to motivate him while she still could, but... that's kind of fucked up.

Meanwhile, Gendo and Rei reach the room where Lillith is to begin their attempt at Third Impact, but they find Ritsuko waiting for them. She pulls a gun on Gendo and tells him that she sabotaged the supercomputer while she was reprogramming it to stop SEELE's hackers. Except... when she tries to execute her plan, the computer doesn't do it. This is because it's been imprinted with the mind of its original creator, Ritsuko's mother, and apparently mom still carries a torch for Gendo, even after Gendo screwed both Akagis over. Gendo then pulls a gun on Ritsuko, and says "I truly..." but the sound cuts out as he says the rest of it, so we don't know what he wanted to tell her.

In any case, she calls him a liar after she hears it, so either he told her he loved her and she didn't buy it, or he said something really cruel and she knew he didn't mean it. Either way, Gendo shoots, her which normally would suggest his true feelings, except I think this Human Instrumentality business works on dead people too, so life and death kind of becomes meaningless in this movie. We see a ghostly apparition of Rei as Ritsuko falls into the LCL fluid. We also saw ghost Rei when Misato died, so this seems to be a thing now.

Meanwhile, Shinji makes it to Unit 01, but it's immersed in Bakelite, which Misato had ordered dispersed through the base to impede the invading goons. I'm not sure how it got here, though, unless the bad guys used Misato's own trick to secure Unit-01. So it looks like Shinji can't get in the robot, even though it's not a robot, and he doesn't even have to be inside the stupid thing to control it. He literally proved that on his first day on the job. Yo, Shinji, get in the robot, your mom loves you.

Meanwhile, Asuka seems to be doing just fine killing the bad guy Evas without Shinji, but just as she finishes the last of them off, the Lance of Longinus suddenly flies back to Earth and improbably stabs Unit 02 through the face. Uh... how? Why? What the fuck?

Also, all the Evas Asuka defeated suddenly reactivate. With her battery drained, Asuka is helpless to stop them as they crack open Unit-02 and eat it. I'm pretty sure Asuka herself is killed during this, but we don't see a body.

I guess this was the catalyst to get Unit 01 off its duff, as it finally breaks out of the Bakelite and grabs Shinji like it's gonna put him in. Unit 01 busts out to join the battle, and it's thig big impressive spectacle. It even has angel wings now.

But it doesn't actually do anything. Shinji just gets a look at what's left of Unit-02's mangled corpse and screams.

And that's the cliffhanger for 25'. There's a credits sequence, then a dedication note from the director, and then the second half starts as Episode 26'. So this is a good place to take a break.

If you're curious, the part where Eva 05-13 show up to confront Asuka is about where things ended in "Evangelion: Rebirth". But 25' is about twenty minutes longer than that, so I'm not sure what the significance of that cutoff point was supposed to be. I guess it works as a cliffhanger, but it's kind of dumb to have Asuka finally wake up and kick ass, only to get utterly destroyed a few minutes later. Then Shinji shows up to set up the real cliffhanger.

To be fair, this half of the movie is better than the second half. Mostly, it benefits from the parts where they actually show the characters recovering from Episode 24 and beginning to move to the next phase of the story. This was what the TV show failed to do with its Episode 25. Now, we get to see the SEELE vs. NERV battle that was only implied before, and we get to see how Human Instrumentality is arranged.

We also see why it needs to be done. In the original ending, it seemed completely arbitrary, like Gendo Ikari just decided this was a cool thing to try and he just did it to the whole world without asking anyone's permission. Here, it becomes clear that if Gendo doesn't pull the trigger, SEELE will, and it's just a race to see who can get their vision accomplished first.

And we actually get to see the other characters in this version. Asuka wakes up and gets her groove back, Rei's part in the drama is revealed, and Ritsuko and Misato get shot. Seeing this stuff makes me even more irritated that the TV series just jumped right past it all.

Still, this half of the movie has problems. For one thing, a lot of runtime is spent just showing troops slaughtering NERV personnel, and showing Misato leading Shinji to his Eva. Also, there's a healthy dose of Gendo and Rei just staring pensively at Lilith without actually doing anything. A lot of the footage doesn't actually progress the plot, and only Misato and Shinji's scenes are useful for providing exposition. Gendo and SEELE's words are too cryptic to be of much use.

The main point of this installment was to reinforce things we already knew: Rei's important to all of this somehow, Shinji is a sad sack, and Asuka is helpless. And maybe it needed to be reinforced in July 1997, more than a year after the TV show ended, but I don't think it needed to be hammered home this much.

And like I said from the start, this whole thing relies on a lot of ridiculous stuff that I feel like I should have been told about in the TV series. How did the Lance of Longinus come back? SEELE couldn't have arranged this, since they were the ones who were so upset about losing it in the first place. Why are there two methods to trigger Third Impact? How did Asuka's mother get sucked into the Eva and yet she remained in human form long enough to go insane and hang herself? Why did the bad guy Evas suddenly recover from their injuries when it was convenient for the plot?

Perhaps most critically: Why are they just treating Third Impact and Human Instrumentality like the same thing? Like if you do one, then the other one just automatically happens? Is that how it works? Then why were they so worried about the progress on that project? It could be done at will, right?

Oh, and how did SEELE figure out how to do all this stuff? They have their own fleet of Evas, which seem to work better than NERV's. They made their own Angel in the form of Kaworu. They seem to know how to make Third Impact happen, without Gendo's help. And however they got this far, they seemed to pull it off without anyone from NERV knowing about it. So why did SEELE even need NERV in the first place? As it currently stands, the only reason Gendo's ahead of them is because he's physically closer to what he needs to work with. SEELE could have nuked the base from orbit and hauled Eva Unit 01 from the wreckage.

Again, the whole movie just makes me feel like I missed an episode, except I didn't. I watched the whole thing, which leads me to assume that the next chapter will clarify everything, except it doesn't, as we'll see next time. See you there.

[takerfoxx]

Part three of the WN crew watches the Rebellion Story, this time stretching from the Mami in a towel scene to the sun rising after the battle with Hitomi's Nightmare.

Yes, this is the one with the Cake Song.

Reminder:

G=Gretchen

H=Homulilly

Op=Ophelia

Ok=Oktavia

Ca=Candeloro/Mami

Ch=Charlotte

...

Ca: Um.

Ch: UM!

G: Wow.

Ok: Oh, ho, ho! Hey, Candy! We interrupting something private here?

Ca: Oh, for Heaven’s sake.

Op, whistling: So…whaddya wanna talk about first?

Ch: Me! We’re talking about me! We’re getting this straightened out right now!

H: Are we even sure that’s you?

Ch: YES!

Ca: It’s her. That was her witch form.

Ch: SEE?! I KNEW IT!

G: I thought I got rid of all the witches.

Ok: Guess you missed one. And…Candeloro adopted it?

Ch: I AM NOT AN IT!

Ok: Sorry! Sheesh.

Op: Charly, chill. She didn’t mean it like that.

Ch: Ugh, I know, I know! Sorry. It’s just…What the hell?

Ca: I don’t know. I really don’t know.

Ch: So. Lemme get this straight. If for whatever reason we did not witch out and die when we did, Gretchen would’ve gone on to erase all witches from history…

G: I still don’t get it.

Ch: Except for ME, apparently! But we’re still magical girls fighting demented flying teddy bears that spawn when teenagers start angsting. And I’m just…hanging out. As a witch. Which is Candeloro’s pet for some reason? DO I HAVE THAT RIGHT?!

Op: Looks like.

Ok: You also still seem to have that thing for cheese.

Ch: Oh, great. AT LEAST THAT’S STILL AROUND! EVERYTHING MUST BE PERFECTLY NORMAL THAN!

H: Also, Kyubey is there, but seems to have lost his voice.

Ca: It’s an improvement.

Ch: Seriously, what the HELL is going on?!

Op: Do you need to take a break?

Ch: I…No, I’ll be…I’ll be fine. This is just weirding me out.

=long pause=

Ok: So, hey, Candy. About that towel…

Ca: Oh, I knew you were going to bring that up.

Op: Looks like you’ve been relegated to being Ms. Fanservice.

Ch: Just…Just hit Play. Maybe it’ll give us an explanation.

Ok: Okay…

=hits play=

G: Is this a bad time to point out that hairstyle actually looks really good?

Ca: It did get me a lot of attention. Of course, having magic made it much easier to maintain.

Op: I guess that’s why we look so fresh all of the time.

Ch: Great. On top of everything else I am also apparently an idiot that eats inanimate objects.

H: Wait. Nightmare? Is that what the teddy bears are called?

Op: Sure look…Whoa, wait.

Ok: Uh, Candy? CANDY?

Ca: Oh, I am not really going to-

=pause, then Ophelia starts laughing=

Op: Oh, man! Talk about a fake-out!

Ok: They knew what they were doing.

Ca: Oh, thank God. Or not. Why is this movie so focused on my breasts?

Op: I’ll give you two guesses.

Ca: =heavy sigh=

…

Ok: And there’s us, leaping around without a care in the world.

Op: Against a quilted sky.

Ok: Hitomi’s teenaged angst really threw everything for a loop.

G: Why the quilt, though? What does that symbolize?

Ok: I don’t know. What did the yarn symbolize? Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar!

Ch: And sometime animators take advantage of that big studio money to pump out whatever drug-induced fantasy that they ever had.

Op: Oh, hey! This version of you actually got over that guy!

Ok: “Captain Oblivious.” Heh, yup. You go, me.

G: And to think, so much trouble could have been avoided if he had just seen the cutie right in front of him.

=Oktavia loops an arm around Ophelia’s shoulders and snuggles up to her=

Ok: I like to think that it turned out all right in the end. Even this version of me agrees!

Ch: Except for him. Kinda serves him right.

G: I don’t know. I feel kind of bad talking bad about him like this. I mean, being a little oblivious isn’t really a bad thing, and he did lose a lot of important people to him in a very short period of time.

Ch: Well, when you put it like that…

Op: Yo, hey, not to change the subject or anything, but are those ballerinas that she’s got projected on the side of the building kickboxing? Because that’s honestly kind of hot.

H: Of course you would find violent dancing hot.

Op: I am what I am, and make no apologies.

G: At least these ones aren’t made of cum.

Ca: Oh, my God.

…

Ch: Oh, why am I here? What could I possibly contribute?

H: A moment ago you were complaining about not being in it!

Ch: This is worse. This is far worse.

G: Oh! Oh! We get to see the transformation scene!

Ca: Those weren’t really that elaborate. I mean, they were cool, but-Hold on.

Op: Aw, hell yeah! Strike a pose, team!

Ca: Okay, never mind. I guess in this world we made them elaborate.

Ch: Like I said: animators with way too much money and waaaaaaaay too many drugs. Prepare yourselves for a trip.

…

Ca: Oh! Oh, my.

Ch: So, uh…

Ca: No, I never danced to transform. That is…also new.

=Ophelia suddenly leans forward intently=

Op: Oh, yes, yes, yes! H-Hey, can we start this part over.

Ok: Sure.

=they restart the transformation scene=

G: So, are you…

Op: Figure-skating, yeah! Damned good, at that. Look at that spin!

Ca: I never learned figure-skating. I mean, I can skate, but nothing like this, though I suppose I have the athletic ability, and-Okay, I just exploded out of myself.

G: That outfit is pretty cool. Um, Candy? You wouldn’t mind if I asked…

Ca: Oh, fine. I suppose it’s thematically appropriate.

=Candeloro transforms into her Puella Magi uniform, complete with the hair. Gretchen cheers=

Ok: That was way quicker than the movie. And…damn.

Ca: You can stop staring at my breasts now.

Ok: I mean, sure, I can…

=Candeloro sighs and changes back. Oktavia and Gretchen both boo=

Ch: Sorry, girls. But the corset’s reserved for me.

Ok: What does that-Oh. Really?

Ch: We went going through a rough patch. We had some things we needed to come to terms with. Making pleasant associations helped.

G: I don’t get it.

=Homulilly whispers into her ear=

G: Oh. Oh.

Ca: Heh.

=Ophelia is still hunched forward and getting impatient=

Op: Yeah, this is all fascinating, but can we get back to the movie?

Ok: We’re literally talking about boobs. I thought you’d be all over that.

Op: There is dancing and you’re keeping me from it!

Ok: Okay, okay. Let’s go.

Op: Oh, hell yeah! I’m next!

G: What kind of dance is that, Ophelia?

Op: Definitely seeing some tribal elements in the first part. I think the part with the arms is…Chinese? Wish I had read up on it a bit more.

G: I’ve never seen you dance like that before.

Op: I mostly do hip-hop, but I do something similar to that when I pole-dance. It’s a lot more complex, though.

H: I bet it is.

Op: Have fun with that mental image! Still, this is giving me ideas, especially that arm thing. I think I pull that off with my illusions. Maybe it’s time to diversify-WHOA!

Ch: Why did you go all sketchy and scary?

Ca: Why did I explode out of myself twice?

Ok: Oh, okay! Here we go!

=Gretchen starts laughing=

G: Oh, my God! You’re doing Ophelia’s usual dance!

Ok: Doing it pretty well, too! Damn!

Op: I’ll say! Nice windmills, smooth transitions from palms to forearms.

Ch: You’re getting ideas, aren’t you?

Op: Duh.

Ok: And now I’m running. You know, I can’t help but feel that this me is sort of flexing on me specifically with the whole leg thing.

H: Has anyone else noticed that so far we have all ripped out of ourselves in order to transform?

Ok: That outfit is hot, though. And-Okay, that ass shot was on purpose!

Ca: Be thankful it’s not as obsessed with your butt as it is with my boobs.

Ok: No way! I wanna see it more! C’mon, zoom in on those cheeks!

Op: I strongly agree.

H: Oh, here’s me. This should be good.

G: It’s actually pretty lovely. And you do look like you’re having fun with it.

H: You know, this isn’t bad. But what am I supposed to be doing?

Op: It’s…kind of interpretive freeform, but I’m seeing some ballet elements in there as well.

H: Huh.

Op: You think of giving it a shot? Because I have someone I could call.

H: Thank you, but no. Maybe.

Op: Well, think about it.

H: I’m also tearing out of myself, I see. Oh, and that stupid clock again!

G: This is great. Can we see that part again?

Ok: You know you’re next, right?

G: Oh. Oh, no.

Ok: Okay, so…

Op: This…I’m not sure what you’d call this.

Ok: Other than adorable.

Op: It is that.

=Gretchen is blushing and hiding her face=

Ch: Okay, this is pretty cute.

G: Stop, please.

Ca: You sure you don’t recognize this, Ophelia?

Op: I mean, other than the Can-Can bit, not really. It’s more cute poses than anything.

Ch: So teenaged pop-idol.

G: Oh, God!

Op: Yeah, that seems to fit.

G: Why do all of you get the cool dances while I get…this?

H: I think it’s fine.

G: I’m not watching. Is it over, yet?

H: Well, you more of shattered glass instead of tearing out of yourself, but it’s still going.

Op: Okay, okay. It’s over, now.

G: Finally-You said it was over!

Op: It is! You’re just doing your final pose.

G: They literally covered me with hearts and rainbows!

Ok: What’s wrong with hearts and rainbow?

G: Look, I know I’m supposed to be the “cute” one, but there is a point when it becomes too much!

H: It’s your fault for being so adorable.

G: I’m not the only cute girl here. Sheesh!

H: No, you are definitely the cutest!

=Homulily starts tickling Gretchen=

G: Homulilly! Stop it!

H: I can’t help it! You’re just so cute! CUTE!

=Gretchen laughs and squirms in trying to get away, but not too much=

G: Stop it! Someone! Please! Help!

=Charlotte, who’s sitting on the other side of Gretchen, glances at Homulilly. They lock eyes=

Ch: Nope! Sorry! She’s right!

=Charlotte starts tickling Gretchen as well, who now is gasping for air=

Ok: Honestly, this is way more entertaining than the movie.

Op: Speaking for yourself. There was dancing!

Ca: You know, if you guys keep this up, then we’ll never get through the film.

G: Okay, that is it!

=Gretchen suddenly ties up Homulilly and Charlotte up with her legs and lifts them fully off the couch into the air. She sits there with her arms crossed and the two of them suspended=

G: No more tickling, or I start tickling everybody! And I have way more limbs to do it with than all of you combined!

Ok: Is that a threat or a promise?

Ch: I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Put me down!

G: Fine! Now, behave!

=Gretchen plops Homulilly and Charlotte back down into their seats and lets them go. Then she blinks and turns to Oktavia=

G: Wait, do you want to be tickled?

Ok: Well…

Op: Better not. This is an egg you do not want to crack.

G: You guys and your fetishes.

Ok: I am literally half fish, okay? We had to get creative!

Ca: Okay, I’m unpausing the movie, if it’ll get you to stop!

Op: You’re the one who literally busted out your and Charly’s bedroom get-up.

Ch: Not really. It usually has less-

Ca: UNPAUSING NOW!

…

Ok: Team pose!

Op: They always come this close to showing us what’s under those skirts.

Ch: They’re being cheeky, all right.

Ok: That pose is awesome, though. We should do that for real!

Ch: Puella Magi Holy Quintet? Not a bad name.

Op: Can’t really use it ourselves.

Ch: Why, because there’s six of us?

Op: That, and-

Ok: We’re all witches?

Op: Okay, that too, but also there is nothing holy about us.

Ch: Ah, innocent times, innocent times.

Ok: Come on, Sayaka and Kyoko are clearly doing it on the regular.

Ch: You inferred all that from your five minutes of screentime so far, did you?

Ok: I know what I’m about.

…

Ok: And out comes the violin! Subtle.

H: So…are there any people in any of those buildings that she’s wrecking?

Op: Probably.

Ok: So Hitomi is literally killing hundreds with her angsty temper tantrum.

G: Er…I’m sure she’s not!

Ca: Okay, now this part is actually pretty similar to how things used to be! Um, except for the ballroom dancing.

G: How so?

Ca: I mean us combining our abilities! Homulilly stopping time and the two of us using a combination of musketfire and arrows was actually a tried-and-true tactic of ours!

G: Cool!

Ok: So are you guys basically gonna blast Hitomi into next week?

Op: I mean, she did literally just massacre an entire city.

G: No, look! We’re fixing the city! See, we do repair the damage and make things normal again!

Ch: Obviously a very loose definition of the word “normal.”

Op: Doesn’t do a whole lot good for all the mangled corpses inside those buildings.

G: Nobody died! Sheesh.

Op: Well, not that we can see, anyway.

Ca: Pretty sure if people were actually dying it would have been brought up by now.

Ch: Okay, I’m calling it now! It’s a fake!

H: Huh?

G: What do you mean?

Ch: I mean the city! This whole…everything! It’s a fake! Like, a simulation or a dream or something. And we’re all trapped in it. The signs are all over the place.

…

Ok: That’s my girl! Kicking ass and giving good life advice!

Op: That guy is just obliviously leaving a trail of broken hearts behind him, isn’t he?

Ch: And corpses.

Ok: You know, between me turning into, well, me and Hitomi turning into that, the dude really needs to just stop dating girls and marry his violin or something. Because that’s two for two!

G: The Five Lillians? What does that mean?

Ch: This movie feels like it should come with its own appendices.

Op: Oh, did you see that smug grin? No one girl can have all that swagger!

Ok: You would suck on a juicebox in the middle of a fight.

G: Did…Did you just make a wall?

Op: Cool! That was one of my powers, right?

Ca: It sure was.

Ok: And apparently I could combine it with my swords!

Op: Oh, I bet you loved shoving your sword into my wall.

=Homulilly snorts=

Ch: I get the innuendo, but that would imply-

Ca: Please don’t finish that thought, sweetie. The porn they watch is bad enough.

…

Ch: So I guess this is the part where you all beat Hitomi to death.

Op: That would be one hell of a twist.

H: Honestly, the way this movie is going, I don’t think anything could surprise me at this point.

G: Okay, we’re all standing on swords around her, so…

Ch: Oh, great. Now I’m here-Wait.

…

G: Um…are we going to eat Hitomi or…What’s going on?

H: That does seem to be the question.

Ch: What the fuck?

…

=Charlotte suddenly leaps up and starts scrambling back on the couch up against the wall=

Ch: What the fuck! What the fuck!

Op: Did you just turn into a giant clown worm?

Ch: Candy, please. Some sense. Give it to me!

Ca: Uh, uh, well. Your…original witch self did turn into that…thing during the fight, but…

Op: You think you can maybe still do that?

Ch: No. No chance in hell.

H: I’m considerably more concerned about what we’re doing. Why are we…chanting?

Ca: I’m going to hit Play. Brace yourselves, girls. I think it’s going to get weird.

…

H: What are…

…

G: Um.

…

G: UM!

…

Ch: Guys. Guys. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.

Op: Shhh.

…

=the girls silently watch the Cake Song until the end=

Op: Pause it. Just…hit pause.

=communal long sigh=

Op: So. Anyone have anything they’d like to comment?

Ch: This…must be what losing my mind feels like.

G: Well, it was…cute.

Ok: Fucking weird.

G: But in a cute way. I…think?

Ca: I’m just going to preemptively say that I’ve got nothing. Please don’t ask me to explain. That’s not how things used to work at all.

Op: We figured.

Ca: I mean, we’d find witches, we’d transform, we’d fight the witches, the witches would die, and we’d get a Grief Seed. It wasn’t complicated! Nobody sang anything!

=long pause=

H: We’d better rewind and watch that again.

Ch: Why?

H: I have a feeling that it might be important.

Ch: To whom?

G: I agree with Lilly. They wouldn’t make it that weird without reason.

Ch: Oh, you wanna bet?

Ca: Charlotte, calm down, please.

Ch: I-Sorry. Sorry. You’re right. I’m just-Okay, fine! Let’s all take some crazy drops and watch it all over again!

=they rewind back to the start of the Cake Song=

Ch: I can’t believe they had the gall to not only keep me as a full witch but also turn me into that.

Ok: Well, I mean, it’s not like some weirdoes up and decided to turn you into a doll that…morphs into a giant clown worm. Apparently that was-

Ch: How I actually looked, yeah, I get it! It’s still creepy, though!

G: Why are we all…okay with this?

Ch: See? Exactly! If I just up and turned into a giant worm, you all would be freaking out!

Op: I would try to ride you.

=incoherent noises of disgust and irritation from Charlotte=

…

H: Okay, I think I’m starting to get how the rules of this game works.

Ok: It’s a game?

Ch: There are rules?

H: Sure! When you send the song to the next person, you name a quality about them, and that person has to come up with some kind of food that embodies that same quality! Saya…I’m sorry, Oktavia-

Ok: No, Sayaka’s correct. She’s not me.

H: Okay. Well, Sayaka started off and called herself the raspberry…for some reason.

Ok: Don’t look at me. I don’t even really care for raspberries all that much.

G: Blue raspberry?

Ok: That’s more of a flavor, I think?

H: Okay, well, she then passed it off to Kyoko, who is red-

Op: Really creative descriptor there, fishy-lips. Out of all of my qualities, you went with red? The cake should have been dead sexy! Or a fantastic dancer! Or

Ok: I probably thought up something dirty at first and had to sub it out at the last second, and red was the only thing that came to mind.

H: -And then Kyoko now passes it off to Mami, who is-

Ch: I’m sorry, loved by whom? Loved by Bebe? My name is BEBE?!

Op, singing: Rock-a-bye Bebe, on the treetop-

Ch: Shut up, shut up, shut up!

H: -er, well, that gets turned into cheese, because-

Ch: -BECAUSE OF COURSE IT DOES!

G: Do you need a break?

Ch: …no. I’m sorry. I’ll try not to freak out again.

Op: I’m gonna be honest, if you weren’t, I would be.

H: -well, anyway, Mami then passes it to me-

Ca: Though not without another close-up of my breasts, I see.

Op: I’ll give the animators credit: they know which side of the bread the butter’s on.

H: -and I’m…spinning in circles? I don’t really understand that one.

G: Well, there is the timeloop thing you were doing. That could be said to be spinning in circles.

H: There’s been no mention of that, though! And how would she know? Didn’t I keep that a secret?

Ca: You did.

G: Dunno.

Op: Maybe it has to do with how your shield has to turn for you to stop time? Maybe?

H: I don’t know. That’s kind of reaching.

Op: I do note that you seem to be the only one wondering what the fuck is going on. Like, just look at your face.

Ok: While I seem to just be having a grand old time!

Op: You know, I don’t blame you. I am starting to feel this. Cakey! Cakey! Round cakey!

G: And I’m sweet. All right.

Ok: What’s wrong?

G: It’s just having me be the cute one again. There’s more to me than just being cute!

Ch, now calmer: Maybe it’s to butter up the audience for some kind of dark twist. Like, the movie keeps making you out to be all cute and innocent but it turns out that you were the villain the whole time.

G: Really? That would honestly be kind of cool.

H: I seriously doubt that is the case.

…

Op: And here we summon a giant cake! Because reasons.

G: Is Hitomi still in that thing?

Ch: Well, if she is, then I just ate her!

H: Finally, a happy ending!

G: Oh, stop it.

Ch: Seriously though, what is my purpose in all of this? I turn into a worm, I start the song, I eat the cake. How does-

H: Oh! I think I just got it!

Ch: Huh?

H: These new enemies are called Nightmares, right?

Ch: Right…

H: Well, what do you do to calm a child who’s had a nightmare? You give them a snack and sing them a lullaby!

=pause=

Op: OOOOOOH, so that’s what was up with that explosive feast at the start!

G: So we don’t kill the Nightmares, we calm the Nightmares!

Ca: You know, as strange as that is, I do kind of wish it really was that easy. Back in the day, I mean.

…

Ok: And here I am, cradling Hitomi’s severed head! How’s that for a dark twist?

Op: It’s all part of the process.

Ok: I see she’s still clinging to Kyosuke, though.

Ca: Teen romance is complicated like that. Just because she was frustrated about his schedule doesn’t mean she doesn’t still love him. See? There she is, sleeping soundly.

G: So all’s well that ends well.

Ch: I have…a lot of problems…with describing anything that we just saw as “all’s well.”

H: So, wait, those sparkles that are coming down. Are those clearing our soul gems?

Ca: It looks like it. No grief seeds around, so I guess this is how they do it instead. I’m actually a little envious.

Ok: It does kinda seem like the idealistic version of what we went through. No despair, no need for competition, the monsters can be defeated by singing to them, and nobody turns into anything bad!

Ch: Except for me. Because seriously. What the fuck?

Op: You are not going to let that go, will you?

Ch: I am a fucking beanie baby!

G: What’s a beanie baby?

Ch: Never mind. Read about them in a book. Would take too long to explain.

…

Op: Aw, yeah! Party at sempai’s house!

Ca: Apartment. And this actually is accurate.

Ok: What, head to your place for snacks after a successful hunt?

Ca: Yes. Those were…nice. I enjoyed those a lot.

Op: We literally live together now. What’re you getting all nostalgic for?

Ca: It’s less that and more of the feelings. I had been…lonely for a while before all of you came into my life, so going from that to suddenly having so many sisters-in-arms…well, it made for a nice change.

Op: I guess that makes sense. Hey, you think that’s why Incubators made a big deal about competition? To keep us separated so we’d fall into despair faster.

Ca: I would not rule it out. Actually, if we had never learned the truth about soul gems or witches, we probably would still be alive, since we’d have each other for support.

Ok: My bad.

Ca: It’s okay. As Ophelia has pointed out many times, it all worked out in the end.

Op: Aw, yeah! Look at me getting down! Hooray for snacks!

Ca: Thank you for ruining the mood.

Op: It’s what I do. Hooray for snacks!

…

H: And the sun rises.

G: When do we sleep? I mean, seriously! Don’t we have school?

Ok: Maybe it’s a weekend.

Ca: We were more likely to get witches in the evenings, so we’d at least be in bed at a decent hour. Most of the time.

Op: Y’know, as weird as all this is, this really is beautiful. I mean, the animation is outstanding, and the scenery is gorgeous.

Ch: When it’s not totally tripping with your head and making you question everything you ever thought you knew about reality.

Op: …you okay over there, chief?

Ch: I’m sorry, guys. But can we take a break now? I seriously need a break.

G: Sure. I could use one too.

Op: …can we watch the cake song one more time first?

Ch: No.

[mwilson]

Shy girl - statement

Previous statement

 For this class and second half of summer quarter I want to engage in a performance and dialog with female archetypes on the internet. I have always found the platform of internet a rather hostile black hole, yelling into the void so to speak. It also has been a place where I have discovered a lot of things that have helped me feel less isolated and have brought much inspiration to my life, a great outlet for my maximalist aesthetics. So, I have seen as someone growing up with the internet being around for the birth of Facebook and beginning my internet career on Myspace, that the internet is a place of duality. I haven’t much in my work engaged in a particularly feminist dialogue in my work as to not be pushed into a realm of all my work being an expression of the female but I guess I have still done so but not as overtly. I have also never explicitly created a character for myself during a performance as frankly I found it a bit to campy. I have created a persona based of a mash of a type of alternative female archetype that has found its place on the internet specifically, the E-girl. A popular and at the same time very much mi lined persona mainly a great target of specifically a lot of sexist vitriol from other online born groups.it is also a female persona that is much outside of my expression so I am interested in placing myself in the uncomfortable position in such a blatant misrepresentation of myself as well as having that character engage with some of the worst aspects of online culture and addressing that place and stereotype of woman in it. I am also interested in differences in male and female performance and tropes of expression and discourse found online mainly YouTube and other video formats. My character’s name will be named, shy girl and to further disguise is from myself I will be altering my own voice for speaking parts mush of the performances will be bringing more Avant-Garde concepts of performance to the mainstream such as john cages water performance with audience participation.  Also, I want to produce short work more consistently which is a mode of work I have not done up to this point so I will be putting out longer video content once a week.  

 Add on:

To update my artist statement and to speak to my progress with subjects related to the creation of my alter though I’m not sure how much I want it to be viewed as persona but more of a way to remove myself. This alter , Shy girl,  has so far no set type of format or type of content other than videos at this point and photos and maybe live capture online as I progress with platforms but that will very much change the nature of the performances as they will move from being captured into film , to being performance again the temporality will change as well as the source of control. which will affect the performances greatly but that will be addressed when the time comes, I think live streaming is a huge new question and place for performance art.  Back from that side tracking so far in terms of subject my videos have in initial conceptions been touching on but not limited to, Para social relationships, hostile male communities such as Inscels, the gaze, make up beauty/ identity, Vtubers and anime subculture, the body, multiples and an exercise in thought on distance and new space relationships found in the online environment. There is much more intertwined with in all of the videos I have done up to this point but these are some of the starting points for my video concept drawings and shot lists which I will be posing. The biggest development of this alter has been my creation of not only a 3D model based on my outfit and make up created for my performance in my own body. But now also a 2D model, so at this point I have created this group of performers which has been an interesting way of layering levels of abstraction of the original persona created. My video “shy graces” was the first time we were all together as I have been working with green screen to place myself into my online gallery/performance space, though it has been a passing thought but definite one that being my irrelevance now that I have these digital avatars. Which leads to something I suspected might happen that being my own disenchantment with my body which in a way lead to the next video “skin study’s” based on the work of ana Mendieta “glass on face” and my own push to recess the nude and the body online. This video for the first time bought in anime references as well which I did so for the obvious reason that these alters made online where very influenced my anime culture and manga illustration. As a western fan and a reclusive member of the subculture I have always seen interesting territory for discussion about the role of women in the anime but also in the community, being as if suffers from much of many “nerd subcultures” suffer from, sexualization, fetish, nerd bro culture and so on. But in particular anime’s relationship to the female body and projection of female presenting people is rife with conceptual fodder that I couldn’t begin to pick at this is quite long but has been developing. But one of the biggest draws is anime has been the first to bring this type of idealized body and form they have created into a living space in the form of projected 3D models like that of the Vocaloid characters which were developed as mascots for products along with new figures like project melody on streaming cites as well her move into adult content as a Only fans personality, Adult subscription cite. There has even been the creation of objects of comfort mimicking a body in the form or body pillows, which I used in one of my “music cover” videos integrating my own limbs with this printed body. And the creation of silicon full dolls not always used for the purpose of being a sex toy but as recreation of characters from particular shows that people use for companionship not that there is not a sexual element at play. A lot of this rings true to what I think is happening online these things are rather inseparable as I have moved into looking into the Vtuber community for my models and “copies” which the collective element being that all the programs that I have seen or used all by default use this anime form and all Vtubers use this anime avatar weather that be the 3D models or the 2D models as I created mine from scratch based on my performance persona and examples of popular Vtuber forms. There is this whole new level to literally not only changing your persona online as most do but actually taking on a new form and based on anime which is about the creation of whole other reality’s and which has an element of as a lot of media, escapism. These works as of this past class have been as I have been speaking about very bodily and quite grotesque as is the history often is of female performance art which I had read of and reminded me of such in Vergine body as language which I will link. This writing hit many points in relation to my work and I think is a far better resistor of a lot of what is a part of my content currently. One of originators for these past few videos not only the most recent two skin studies and shy graces was when I published my 3D model on Vorid studios there was a pop up that askes you about the licensing the avatar and it asks who can use it but what most stuck out to me was it asked if the creator would allow sexual content or violent content which became a big influence on the tone of that video. As well the video “shy Graces” which addressed the fact to be able to inhabit my new bodies I needed to pay more money to be able to do something as simple as move the arms of my 3D model as you would need an add on called leap motion.my thoughts and conceptual development may seem rather scattered at the moments but much thought has go into them and as far as the writing about this work it will develop as the work has over time.  

As for more technical aspects and materials, I have been pushing myself as far as the structure of my production of these videos as I want to make them all in accessible places with tools that anyone can access and I am trying to produce content weekly as on YouTube the speed of videos outputted is key to that structure and algorithm. The sets, outfits I have been using are also something that its easily accessed or recreated by anyone I guess I am focused on using almost modern-day working-class materials. As I should have started with saying at the beginning of this re brief this project at this point has not end game as it were I have the content that I am expressing as I want to use this avatar to engage with an audience that is outside of say a space in an art institution as I was inspired much by the work of fellow art student and internet artist molly soda. These alters and accounts have become my new studio work place for me to work on a continuous performance practice which is something I have not yet undertaken and I feel that will push my practice outside of my own comfort zone and open me to a space of pushing myself and very making mistakes and gaining new understanding to developed my practice.

 Definition: Internet art (also known as net art) is a form of digital artwork distributed via the Internet. This form of art has circumvented the traditional dominance of the gallery and museum system, delivering aesthetic experiences via the Internet. In many cases, the viewer is drawn into some kind of interaction with the work of art. Artists working in this manner are sometimes referred to as net artists.

 Net artist may use specific social or cultural internet traditions to produce their art outside of the technical structure of the internet. Internet art is often—but not always—interactive, participatory, and multimedia-based. Internet art can be used to spread a message, either political or social, using human interactions.

 The term Internet art typically does not refer to art that has been simply digitized and uploaded to be viewable over the Internet, such as in an online gallery.[1] Rather, this genre relies intrinsically on the Internet to exist as a whole, taking advantage of such aspects as an interactive interface and connectivity to multiple social and economic cultures and micro-cultures, not only web-based works.

[backpackbrigade]

Backpack Playlist 5/27/19

I no longer have a radio show so this is where I’m gonna be posting my thoughts and playlists! Have fun, who cares. Apple Music/Spotify links at the bottom. Enjoy. 

“Running Up That Hill (A Deal With God)” - Kate Bush, Hounds of Love (1985, EMI)

A gay icon, not much to say beyond that. We love some extra as shit background vocals.

“Bags” - Clairo, Immunity (2019, Fader)

First single off Clairo’s new LP coming out at some point this year. Literally all I can think when I hear the guitar line in this song is Avril Lavigne, and I say that with the utmost respect and love. Big ups to VW alum Rostam for the production on this track and Danielle Haim for drums - does this mean Clairo is now part of the PC Music squad AND the VW-adjacent rap/indie rock squad??? Her career is definitely pretty strange so far, but I’m hype to see her blow up beyond the world of the Youtube algorithm chewing up and spitting out DIY music videos. This track is also kinda full circle for her - in her big Pitchfork feature last year, she talked about being starstruck after seeing one of the Haim sisters on a plane listening to SOPHIE, and now she’s got one of them on a track. We love growth.

“Kisses 2 My Phone” - Sega Bodega, self*care - EP (2018, NUXXE)

Lona (aka MANIIK aka BABY GAMELAN) shared this EP with me last year, and it’s been rattling around in my head ever since. Some glitchy trap beats and subtly depressing lyrics about sending kisses to your phone and losing love. Scottish experimental pop kid who gets in your ears and won’t leave.

“Even the Shadow” - Porches, Pool (2016, Domino)

A classic, both Pool and their newer album The House (2018, Domino) remind me of a very specific time in my life when I was spending 12 hours in the photo studio every other weeknight and played Porches on shuffle to get through it. Very sad stoner synthy alt-pop for gay kids with lots of insecurity but dreams of 2014 soft pale tumblr aesthetic escapism!!

“Hatin” - Rico Nasty & Kenny Beats, Anger Management (2019, Sugar Trap)

Remember when Rico was just a Soundcloud kid with a stellar remix of “The Race” under her belt?? When I first heard that track in the background of a friend from high school’s Instagram story, I literally dropped my phone trying to lyric search it to see who sang it. Big ups to Lafayette (a newly minted Howard University grad :,) ) for putting me on. Rico’s always been bffs with Kenny, so this collab record isn’t surprising, but I didn’t expect it to be this good!!! Very excited to see her blowing up on Tik Tok rn, maybe she’ll finally get what she’s owed. And she deserves more than just a 2 second cameo in the Old Town Road music video………

“Dig” - Lance Bangs, Lance Mountain - EP (2016, Citrus City)

Reminds me of screamy jangly indie rock from the summer after my first year when I lived in a commune and got a stick and poke from a friend who was three mojitos deep. Also, Citrus City is awesome and we love to support VA labels!!

“Livin’ On a Prayer” - Bon Jovi, Slippery When Wet (1986, Vertigo)

Mostly putting this on here because it’s the ending soundtrack to a great little animated short film I watched recently called WORK (2009) by Michael Rianda. It’s a super 2009 short, but it’s fascinating because it feels like the aesthetic halfway point between Don Hertzfeldt’s Rejected (2000) and Bojack Horseman (2014-) style absurdity. It’s not the subtlest anti-capitalist cartoon out there, but it’s very cute and funny.

“20 Ghosts III” - Nine Inch Nails, Ghosts I-IV (2008, The Null Corporation)

Put this back to back with Bon Jovi because the weird guitar/vocal growls sound like the “Livin’ On a Prayer” digital doo-wops put through an insane pedal filter. Heard it for the first time when I was watching Laura Poitras’ documentary Citizenfour (2014) - she used it for the super haunting opening and closing scenes, and I can’t think of any better use for Trent Reznor’s sad garage dad phase guitar music.

“Guap” - Yaeji, Yaeji EP (2016, GODMODE)

No introduction necessary, hopefully. Gives me third year queer party vibes, and if you know what that means, congratulations. You’re part of an in-group now. Listen when you need subtle hype up music.

“Indica” - Dizzy Fae, Free Form Mixtape (2018, self-released)

When I showed a friend a picture of Dizzy Fae, their first response was that she’s probably from Amsterdam or Berlin or something and floats between secret clubs all week long before performing herself. She’s actually from Minnesota and is way younger than either of us assumed, so big ups to her for projecting the coolest vibes imaginable. Her vocal distortion is a little FKA Twigs, but she knows how to fuckin rap on the rest of the EP. Well worth a full listen.

“Flower Moon (feat. Steve Lacy)” - Vampire Weekend, Father of the Bride (2019, Columbia)

Best track on this new album, imo, but I can’t stop thinking about Vampire Weekend for a completely different reason. When this album came out, literally everyone was making fun of it for sounding like a Paul Simon redux. A lot of people praised it for the exact same reason lol. But Paul Simon’s relationship with cultural appropriation is a lot like Ezra Koenig’s, and not enough people have made that connection. Remember when Paul Simon broke the cultural boycott with Apartheid-era South Africa to make Graceland (1986)?? Everyone shit all over him for not only straight up taking South African music styles and centering himself in their vocal story, but doing it all in the midst of the largest cultural boycott in modern history. It’s a good album, I won’t pretend it’s not, but it’s deeply problematic and disappointed a lot of people who expected something better from a guy who knew what he was doing. Reminds me of 2008-2012 Vampire Weekend!! Anyway, listen to this track for Steve Lacy, if nothing else.

“Ur Phone” - boy pablo, Roy Pablo - EP (2017, self-released)

Another Youtube algorithm kid, boy pablo was in everyone’s feeds because this EP is the perfect summery shimmery gaze-y indie rock. His newer album is a little more uptempo than I personally like, but this track is *chef’s kiss*

“Can the Circle Be Unbroken” - The Carter Family, Can the Circle Be Unbroken: Country Music’s First Family (2000, Sony; original recording 1935)

Really not trying to wade into the country music discourse today, but this track is genuinely full of intense longing and sadness in a way that so clearly changed country/rock music and its relationship to the guitar.

“Before the World Was Big” - girlpool, Before the World Was Big (2015, Wichita)

Their new stuff fucking slaps, and seeing them come to terms with their gender identities is fucking beautiful!! But I always come back to these weird ass nursery rhymes. It’s literally just their harmonies and two guitars, and legend has it if you turn this up to full volume in your car and drive through your hometown, your unrequited high school crush will appear with their spouse and two kids just to rub it in.

“Vroom Vroom” - Charli XCX, Vroom Vroom - EP (2016, Vroom Vroom Recordings)

I mean. It’s Charli’s early work with SOPHIE, you’ve gotta just blast this shit and ruin someone’s life. The return to queer hyper pop over the past few years is the only thing sustaining my fucking mental health.

“Xternal Locus” - Chynna & Oklou, Single (2018, self-released)

Another track Lona played for me after I picked her up from work in DC. Lowkey enough to ***** to, highkey enough to **** to ;)

“Cinema” - Kero Kero Bonito, Totep - EP (2018, self-released)

KKB really did an about face with this record, but I still fucking love them. It’s still sunny and glittery pop, but with a chilled-out vibe. Their intense pop records are like the come up, and this is the chill smoke sesh the day after. Just vibey enough to let you chill out and kick back, but keeps you on your toes with some unexpected samples and glitchy moments.

“Jack the Ripper” - SadGirl, Breakfast for 2 - Single (2018, Suicide Squeeze)

We love surf rock, and that’s all I’m gonna say for this. You either vibe with it you’re bored as shit.

“watch you sleep.” - girl in red, Single (2019, self-released)

Music To Sleep To.

Playlists

[makingajennyhanniver]

L2 Isolation Project - Final Images

Project Evaluation

In a world dominated by the selfie, with countless millions snapped per day, considered research on this project was crucial to produce self-portraiture which was not merely superficial. Before creating work in response to this brief I conducted research into self-portrait practitioners whose’ work appealed and inspired me, these were predominantly analogue photographers which greatly influenced my speed of process, aesthetic and compositional decisions. Man Ray was a crucial study in to portraying emotion, different personas and use of props to emphasise his narrative. My initial medium format shoots used creative devices such as subtle body language and interaction/proximity with props, which I constructed whilst holding Man Ray’s self-portrait ‘Suicide’ in mind. In my bedroom series ‘Intimate Space’ I photographed myself reading a book as a form of escapism, a ‘Not Amused’ mug clearly in frame and I am wearing a top stating ‘Bad Monday’, a reference to the dread of a long week (or weeks in this case) ahead. However, I feel as though I could have been more literal in my use of props and metaphors to create more engaging imagery because I feel as though my intended connotations could be missed by a casual viewer, whereas in Man Ray’s self-portrait ‘Suicide’ the implied meaning is obvious and makes for a very visually engaging and harrowing portrait.

Vivian Maier’s timid yet confidently created self portrait work using mirrors influenced my initial shoots also, using my bedroom as a safe and personal space to produce my initial portraits I allowed myself to use self-portraiture as a vehicle and outlet to express my inner-psyche and emotions as Vivian Maier did for so many years in private without the world knowing. Her approach and use of self-portraiture to portray to herself how she wanted to be perceived allowed me to understand how self-portraiture could be used as a cathartic process.

My mini self-typology was my favourite outcome of this project and was inspired by works from Richard Avedon and Andy Warhol. The influence I took from these practitioners was mainly in terms of aesthetic devices and format, I feel as though this outcome could have benefited from more research to develop the contextual meaning behind the imagery. Andy Warhol’s series of portraits dressed in drag was the initial inspiration for this idea and I used Richard Avedon’s mature use of lighting to create a feeling of isolation, which I developed with a black background to create a chiaroscuro lighting effect to further emphasise this feeling of physical isolation. Researching these self-portrait photographers made apparent to me that I had two ways of presenting myself to the camera, as the photographer or as the subject. My research allowed me to appreciate the implied narrative that comes with each depiction which was a useful tool to have when building my narrative and image context.

I am glad I undertook research into contemporary practitioners who have created conceptual portraiture in commercial contexts. This allowed me to produce a more diverse range of outcomes and meant that I could confidently produce more commercially inspired imagery, broadening the professional contexts this project could sit in. I researched Jason Evans and Jan Von Holleban’s work in studio portraiture prior to my ‘Isolation Activities’ series and I took influence from their use of constructed imagery with strong use of colour, image coherency, and appropriate use of props to create their desired narratives. Studying these artists’ conceptual portraiture made apparent to me the power in very stylised images to create potency around a portrait, and the importance of a scene to compliment the subject. However, I only studied these artists’ photographs in terms of their aesthetic devices and not how they fit in to the context of their commercial work, be it for advertising or magazine imagery. I feel as though this might have resulted in me producing slightly naive ‘commercial’ photography because I have not considered how it would fit in to a commercial environment. I do not know if these series I have said to be ‘commercial-inspired ‘would be appropriate for that context. More in depth research into the application of commercial imagery could have resulted in more informed imagery. This could have been done in the form of research into how photography is used in advertising and magazines to comment on current social events/issues.

My contextual research was not as in depth as I would have liked on this project, I could have developed my reading into practitioners who have produced work whilst being in isolation. This may have given me a better understanding into ways of communicating my emotions and my methods of coping with it. The contextual research I undertook regarding the history of self-portraiture was very useful for me as I understood that self-portraiture was considered a visual communication of a self-conscious scrutiny of an artist’s odd individuality, which was something I kept in mind and gave me reassurance in presenting my individuality to the camera and stopped me from making generic portraits with no feeling of character or personalness.

I feel as though the shoots where I captured myself in my bedroom for my ‘Intimate Space’ idea are successful in the fact that they present a very relatable scene to the viewer which I am sure they can sympathise having been in themselves. This is also an area which I think I could improve on. Having studied Man Ray’s self-portraits, he used very literal and brash props and composition to convey his inner-thoughts, whereas I have used very subtle and easily missed props and tropes to convey mine. To improve this outcome, I could have inserted more items of metaphorical and literal meaning to better portray my desire for escapism through a book and my discontented nature towards this situation. I feel as though I have presented a too ‘normal’ scenes which struggles to be massively engaging. Other forms of escapism such as drugs and alcohol could have been a more engaging way to communicate my ideas and would add more severity to this series in a metaphorical manner.

My corona-virus self-portraits are visually engaging and strong images but do not help develop my project towards answering my project proposal because they do not confront my response to this epidemic on a personal level. If I were to improve this idea to relate more to my personal life, I could have photographed myself doing everyday things, such a eating a meal or taking a shower, whilst wearing the PPE to show how Covid-19 was impacting my personal day-to-day life. The images as they stand only comment on vague and now cliched aspects of the virus and do not offer anything to the viewer which they would not have seen before. This series also feels disparate to the rest of my project so a more personal angle could have tied it together better. The most successful creative device in these images is the use of chiaroscuro and black and white editing, as it creates a severe and serious tone to the image, devoid of colour and joy.

I am happy with the outcome of my mini self-typology in terms of the quality of imagery and the research I used to help my production. My idea behind the context was also well thought out but I feel as though I could have taken this idea to larger scale to really communicate the idea of monotony and lack of change day-in-day-out. The individual images are strong with the lighting supporting the narrative of isolation. If I were to improve on this idea I could have taken a self-portrait every day, documenting my expression and clothing as the only changing factor, this would have given this series a potent and relatable documentary style context whilst also being a presentation-based outcome. The visual impact of a 30 photo typology would be much more visually engaging and striking in a gallery environment than my limited nine photo typology. The presentation of the back of my head portrait next to the typology of my front profile I feel is a successful display technique. This arrangement of the portraits creates a narrative that suggests I am looking back on the days spent in isolation and gives the series a sense of self study and perhaps hindsight criticism. If I were to present this in an exhibition, I could create an animated video of my typology of self-portraits that loops continuously to emphasise this idea of never-ending isolation.

The ‘Isolation Activities’ series is inspired by commercial conceptual portraiture and I feel as though its inspirations are apparent. My ‘over-constructed’ scenes offer a playful telling of my narrative of things I get up to in isolation. I constructed these scenes initially for captured through an 80mm 6x6 medium format camera and took the digital images as backup. However, I was not 100% happy with the 120-colour film outcome so I had to use the digitals for my final outcome, this has resulted in unnecessary negative space either side of my scenes which looks unconsidered. In hindsight I should have reconstructed these scenes for 4:3 aspect ratio when capturing on the digital camera. I also intended these images to be inspired by commercial conceptual portraiture but I have not considered or researched how imagery such as this series would fit in to a commercial environment, be it for advertising or in a magazine. This research could have helped me to produce more appropriate photography for this genre, as some feedback from tutor Jim Campbell was that I had not left enough negative space at the bottom of my compositions to allow the viewer to ‘walk in to the photograph’.

My short ‘Reminisce’ series are technically successful in their creation but lack a strong narrative. Their main importance in this project is to add further context to my ‘Head in The Clouds’ series which has a much stronger readable context for an audience. I am content with the outcome from my ‘Head in The Clouds’ idea as I feel as though it very clearly communicates the emotions that I am feeling towards this situation and the literalness of the imagery makes it relatable to the viewer. If I were able to print these images for an exhibition, I would print them in a very large format so that the audience could delve in to and explore the ‘worlds’ I have created in my head. To develop this idea further I intended to create a short photo based zine for each of the locations I have depicted in my head, this would have provided more context and interactivity to the viewer, allowing them to more clearly understand the places I am reminiscing over.

[curiositiesbyzach]

Project Evaluation

In a world dominated by the selfie, with countless millions snapped per day, considered research on this project was crucial to produce self-portraiture which was not merely superficial. Before creating work in response to this brief I conducted research into self-portrait practitioners whose’ work appealed and inspired me, these were predominantly analogue photographers which greatly influenced my speed of process, aesthetic and compositional decisions. Man Ray was a crucial study in to portraying emotion, different personas and use of props to emphasise his narrative. My initial medium format shoots used creative devices such as subtle body language and interaction/proximity with props, which I constructed whilst holding Man Ray’s self-portrait ‘Suicide’ in mind. In my bedroom series ‘Intimate Space’ I photographed myself reading a book as a form of escapism, a ‘Not Amused’ mug clearly in frame and I am wearing a top stating ‘Bad Monday’, a reference to the dread of a long week (or weeks in this case) ahead. However, I feel as though I could have been more literal in my use of props and metaphors to create more engaging imagery because I feel as though my intended connotations could be missed by a casual viewer, whereas in Man Ray’s self-portrait ‘Suicide’ the implied meaning is obvious and makes for a very visually engaging and harrowing portrait. 

Vivian Maier’s timid yet confidently created self portrait work using mirrors influenced my initial shoots also, using my bedroom as a safe and personal space to produce my initial portraits I allowed myself to use self-portraiture as a vehicle and outlet to express my inner-psyche and emotions as Vivian Maier did for so many years in private without the world knowing. Her approach and use of self-portraiture to portray to herself how she wanted to be perceived allowed me to understand how self-portraiture could be used as a cathartic process.

My mini self-typology was my favourite outcome of this project and was inspired by works from Richard Avedon and Andy Warhol. The influence I took from these practitioners was mainly in terms of aesthetic devices and format, I feel as though this outcome could have benefited from more research to develop the contextual meaning behind the imagery. Andy Warhol’s series of portraits dressed in drag was the initial inspiration for this idea and I used Richard Avedon’s mature use of lighting to create a feeling of isolation, which I developed with a black background to create a chiaroscuro lighting effect to further emphasise this feeling of physical isolation. Researching these self-portrait photographers made apparent to me that I had two ways of presenting myself to the camera, as the photographer or as the subject. My research allowed me to appreciate the implied narrative that comes with each depiction which was a useful tool to have when building my narrative and image context.

I am glad I undertook research into contemporary practitioners who have created conceptual portraiture in commercial contexts. This allowed me to produce a more diverse range of outcomes and meant that I could confidently produce more commercially inspired imagery, broadening the professional contexts this project could sit in. I researched Jason Evans and Jan Von Holleban’s work in studio portraiture prior to my ‘Isolation Activities’ series and I took influence from their use of constructed imagery with strong use of colour, image coherency, and appropriate use of props to create their desired narratives. Studying these artists’ conceptual portraiture made apparent to me the power in very stylised images to create potency around a portrait, and the importance of a scene to compliment the subject. However, I only studied these artists’ photographs in terms of their aesthetic devices and not how they fit in to the context of their commercial work, be it for advertising or magazine imagery. I feel as though this might have resulted in me producing slightly naive ‘commercial’ photography because I have not considered how it would fit in to a commercial environment. I do not know if these series I have said to be ‘commercial-inspired ‘would be appropriate for that context. More in depth research into the application of commercial imagery could have resulted in more informed imagery. This could have been done in the form of research into how photography is used in advertising and magazines to comment on current social events/issues.

My contextual research was not as in depth as I would have liked on this project, I could have developed my reading into practitioners who have produced work whilst being in isolation. This may have given me a better understanding into ways of communicating my emotions and my methods of coping with it. The contextual research I undertook regarding the history of self-portraiture was very useful for me as I understood that self-portraiture was considered a visual communication of a self-conscious scrutiny of an artist’s odd individuality, which was something I kept in mind and gave me reassurance in presenting my individuality to the camera and stopped me from making generic portraits with no feeling of character or personalness.

I feel as though the shoots where I captured myself in my bedroom for my ‘Intimate Space’ idea are successful in the fact that they present a very relatable scene to the viewer which I am sure they can sympathise having been in themselves. This is also an area which I think I could improve on. Having studied Man Ray’s self-portraits, he used very literal and brash props and composition to convey his inner-thoughts, whereas I have used very subtle and easily missed props and tropes to convey mine. To improve this outcome, I could have inserted more items of metaphorical and literal meaning to better portray my desire for escapism through a book and my discontented nature towards this situation. I feel as though I have presented a too ‘normal’ scenes which struggles to be massively engaging. Other forms of escapism such as drugs and alcohol could have been a more engaging way to communicate my ideas and would add more severity to this series in a metaphorical manner.

My corona-virus self-portraits are visually engaging and strong images but do not help develop my project towards answering my project proposal because they do not confront my response to this epidemic on a personal level. If I were to improve this idea to relate more to my personal life, I could have photographed myself doing everyday things, such a eating a meal or taking a shower, whilst wearing the PPE to show how Covid-19 was impacting my personal day-to-day life. The images as they stand only comment on vague and now cliched aspects of the virus and do not offer anything to the viewer which they would not have seen before. This series also feels disparate to the rest of my project so a more personal angle could have tied it together better. The most successful creative device in these images is the use of chiaroscuro and black and white editing, as it creates a severe and serious tone to the image, devoid of colour and joy.

I am happy with the outcome of my mini self-typology in terms of the quality of imagery and the research I used to help my production. My idea behind the context was also well thought out but I feel as though I could have taken this idea to larger scale to really communicate the idea of monotony and lack of change day-in-day-out. The individual images are strong with the lighting supporting the narrative of isolation. If I were to improve on this idea I could have taken a self-portrait every day, documenting my expression and clothing as the only changing factor, this would have given this series a potent and relatable documentary style context whilst also being a presentation-based outcome. The visual impact of a 30 photo typology would be much more visually engaging and striking in a gallery environment than my limited nine photo typology. The presentation of the back of my head portrait next to the typology of my front profile I feel is a successful display technique. This arrangement of the portraits creates a narrative that suggests I am looking back on the days spent in isolation and gives the series a sense of self study and perhaps hindsight criticism. If I were to present this in an exhibition, I could create an animated video of my typology of self-portraits that loops continuously to emphasise this idea of never-ending isolation.

The ‘Isolation Activities’ series is inspired by commercial conceptual portraiture and I feel as though its inspirations are apparent. My ‘over-constructed’ scenes offer a playful telling of my narrative of things I get up to in isolation. I constructed these scenes initially for captured through an 80mm 6x6 medium format camera and took the digital images as backup. However, I was not 100% happy with the 120-colour film outcome so I had to use the digitals for my final outcome, this has resulted in unnecessary negative space either side of my scenes which looks unconsidered. In hindsight I should have reconstructed these scenes for 4:3 aspect ratio when capturing on the digital camera. I also intended these images to be inspired by commercial conceptual portraiture but I have not considered or researched how imagery such as this series would fit in to a commercial environment, be it for advertising or in a magazine. This research could have helped me to produce more appropriate photography for this genre, as some feedback from tutor Jim Campbell was that I had not left enough negative space at the bottom of my compositions to allow the viewer to ‘walk in to the photograph’.

My short ‘Reminisce’ series are technically successful in their creation but lack a strong narrative. Their main importance in this project is to add further context to my ‘Head in The Clouds’ series which has a much stronger readable context for an audience. I am content with the outcome from my ‘Head in The Clouds’ idea as I feel as though it very clearly communicates the emotions that I am feeling towards this situation and the literalness of the imagery makes it relatable to the viewer. If I were able to print these images for an exhibition, I would print them in a very large format so that the audience could delve in to and explore the ‘worlds’ I have created in my head. To develop this idea further I intended to create a short photo based zine for each of the locations I have depicted in my head, this would have provided more context and interactivity to the viewer, allowing them to more clearly understand the places I am reminiscing over.