#my turnaround time is very fast <3 lmao

[vamprefaggot]

ms paint commissions

hiii ! are you interested in a silly drawing? do you yearn for a pixellated illustration of a bug? do you have $10 dollars you wanna give to a local punk fag for food money? commission me!!

(image descriptions in alt and under cut)

ill draw furries, nonhuman characters, bugs, nonsexual nudity, non-complicated mechs, pets, whatever, all for a flat price of ✨$10✨ !

(if you wanna properly commission me for sexual nudity or something else not on that list, thats absolutely on the table- but more expensive </3 but higher quality also)

if you're interested, shoot me a dm or an email at mothmanistrans@duck.com !

can do paypal, venmo, or cashapp <3

image descriptions under cut:

image one: a lineless drawing of a pink angelic being with four wings, a halo, and two mouths. it looks disgruntled.

image two: a saturated illustration of a glorious scarab beetle, on a dark blue background.

image three: a low resolution drawing of a blue angelic dog flying in the middle of the night sky over blue clouds. he has a halo, wings, and a yellow star at the end of its tail.

[ziracona]

Hihi! I am a super big fan of your works, especially ILM! I just have a couple questions for you (so sorry if you've been asked these before; I tried to look but I couldn't see anything on these, but I'm kinda blind lmao): how long does it take you to write those super long chapters (e.g. vs in ILM)? How many words do you typically write per day? How do you deal with writer's block and have you ever dealt with perfectionism with your writing and, if so, how did you overcome that?

Generally, the shorter chapters took a week, the long ones later in fic often took two weeks, but some of the really really long ones (IE Vs and Rainbow Connection) took 3-4 weeks. Which is still a insane turnaround, given those were book length. 😅

The rest of these questions are harder to answer, because the answer isn’t consistent. For most of my life? I have been able naturally to churn out staggering amounts of content virtually overnight. I went through some intense trauma at the end of 2019 and beginning of 2020 though, on through the next year as well, and it kind of broke me, honestly. I dealt with writer’s block many times before then in my life, and my answer would have been “Make yourself start, and after the first twenty minutes, it’s easier. Even if you have to rewrite a lot, some of it will be good,” and “make sure the reason isn’t you genuinely need a break and if it is, take one,” and “Watch/read/play stories that inspire you—that brings passion often faster than anything.”

That’s what’s worked most of my life.

But there are tiers to difficult circumstances. And I still haven’t fully recovered. I write, but I’m a lot slower right now. Sometimes I can’t at all. And there’s very little I can do about it, which is new and frustrating. I had commissions in 2020 (requested, not paid) I just never did, because I just physically could not, which had never happened in my life before, so I didn’t realize that fast enough to handle it well, and I think maybe I’ll feel guilt over that forever. — still, some advice holds steady I suppose. For any kind of writing block, the most common success I’ve experienced, even in extreme duress, is genuine inspiration. Seek out something new and impressive—movies often work especially, but whatever thrills you. Rp like d&d can help too. It can give you motivation that helps override the rest.

If it’s something more serious, like I have now, you need to find the root cause instead, and heal it. That’s a long process sometimes, but there’s really no other way, and it’s worth it.

Anyway, the Ziracona who wrote ILM had a word count per day I’m not sure of, but something disgusting probably like 7,000-16,000. Now I don’t really have one, because it’s not that I write slow per day, it’s that there’s a lot fewer days I can write. So maybe it’s steady. I dunno. Haven’t thought about it in a while.

For perfectionism, I’m sure I have, but that’s easier to handle. The best things for that are start out by writing things you especially like anyway (you’ll be less critical of your favorite tropes), get at least one friend who hyped you and is a good source of positive enforcement who doesn’t mind doing beta for you and you’ll be alright, and take a break after writing and editing before editing more, because the more you read a passage, the worse it will seem to you as it loses freshness and you lose energy. You’ll become unduly critical, but fresh eyes will see it more as it is.

Thank you very much for the kind words, and I’m so happy you enjoy my works. I hope some of that helps. : )

[emcscared-whumps]

we gettin on the sweat tonight lads

i'm sick without really feeling sick (test results pending lol), so tonight, we're gonna see just how fast i can bust out a finished piece >:)

there will be no consequences! because i wont be infecting my client at work tomorrow!! :D

im talking a bust portrait of a character with a simple face angle, simple expression, simple lighting, that otherwise fully rendered and polished

and im going to log-- (OH GOD I SPELT LOG WRONG WHAT THE FUCK)-- the *actual* time i spend on the piece because i found out that clip studio can tell me how long ive had the canvas open, but i'm sure that i leave canvases open for entire days without touching them, so... that is not accurate enough for me

anyways; the reason? a friend and i were talking about art commission pricing and the habits we've noticed in the art community, and i got curious: what would *i* price my stuff if i were to hypothetically sell it?

through some basic maths and reasoning between us, i have discovered that the key to making a good rate is skill at speed

(it's not as bad as it looks, my american friends, i am using aud :) currently, 1usd = 1.50aud, 50aud = 33.28usd)

we talked about how much is a fair price for the product vs how long it takes to make, and i discovered that if you're quick at making a character bust lineart of moderate quality for $15, and can do one in 30 minutes, accounting for *only* time spent drawing, you'd be making $30 an hour, which is pretty cool considering it'd only be bust lineart. ($20 for bust lineart would yield $40/hr, but i'd only charge that of my skills and precision were reliable and en pointe. it could even be pushed to $25, but i wouldnt go more than $30 unless some super complex shit was happening and i happened to be very very good. at which point you still want to be as fast as physically possible)

there was a plot twist though: rendering times.

hypothetically, if i charged $20 for bust lineart, extra $10 for flats, extra $10 for shadibg, and extra ($5 to) $10 for extra finishing details (little backgrounds etc), that would be $50 total for a fully rendered bust. if i took 4 hours to do it (which i think is reasonable time (for me) to do most things by hand), all of a sudden, that's made my $30-40/hr into $12.50/hr.... which is kinda (very) shit lmao

with this in mind, i have one question: just how fast can i make stuff, and what quality will it be? what would i theoretically be paid for my fully rendered bust pieces?

i usually an very VERY slow partly coz i cannot stay focused on a piece for long enough chunks at a time, or, if i can, i will stop halfway through and leave it for several weeks or months, leading to a turnaround that is at such a leisurely pace even *snails* would be envious

ALTHOUGH. last year, my friend (same as above) alerted me to a built-in time-lapse feature in clip studio. i was intensely curious. for whumptober that year, i had a very clear vision of a piece i wanted to do for one of the prompts, so i used that to test the feature. i sat down at about 1700, stopped only for dinner, and had the whole thing exported and posted to tumblr at around 0100, about 7 hours. i have a sneaking suspicion that was the fabled beast called hyperfocus lmao. the [piece] was a roughly rendered full-body shot with a dynamic pose, both hands exposed, and a more complex expression, not bad considering that my pride piece took 10 months :)

bust portraits are my most comfortable style of piece, so i will experiment with those, especially since my character profiles need them, and also i want them all to look cohesive, which means i will re-draw all of my current ones (rip pete, timmy, and kate lol)

(hm, if i took 3 hours instead of 4, that'd be $16.70, if i took 2, it'd be $25... still not even close to that tasty tasty $30-$40/hr... so the solution would be to up the price of rendering since flats are easy. extra $20 (instead of $10) for rendering, since it's as complex as anatomy with lineart, bumping the total price to $60 (which is starting to *really* push the envelope of what i think people would pay for my art). so if i took 4 hours at that price, that'd be $15/hr, 3 hours would be $20/hr, which is better but still kinda shit for all that extra work, and any faster might reduce the quality to a point where it isnt worth that extra $10...)

......... i'll let u guys know the results lol

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia! Love your work and most of your writing advice 🧡

So, I'm a writer myself and I was very curious about how you manage working on so many projects at the same time, do you alternate in between writing and editing? How long do you let your edits sit before letting a beta see?

I know all os these processes vary depending on each person's needs, but as someone who always gets blocked after finishing editing the thing they've been working on, I'd love to read about your process! I hope you have a lovely day 🥰

Hi anon!

*thinks*

For me, writing multiple projects actually helps with writer's block. For other people, it slows them down or hinders them. One of my good friends and beta for my published work (i.e. not the serials but the novels) can only work on one project at a time. She cannot work on multiple projects, but she's a professional, published, award-winning author, and if she tried to do it my way, she'd ruin her method.

Meanwhile for me, I've always had a saying: 'Writer's block on one project isn't necessarily writer's block on every project.' I enjoy working on projects that all feel a little different! They all have different moods, requirements, and require different levels of technical skill.

I usually have 'editing days' and don't like to always write and edit on the same day, but I will do it for Falling Falling Stars, it's not uncommon for me to finish a chapter, edit the chapter on the same day, and send it to my beta on the same day, lmao. FFS has a very fast turnaround.

But for The Ice Plague, that usually has more editing passes (typically 2-4), before it goes to Silvia. And she's behind on betaing for TIP because the pandemic and personal stuff was really hard on her, and TIP is one of those things she could put off, because she's still ahead of everyone else (in the sense of like, I have a buffer of 12 chapters currently, so if she's 6 chapters behind what I'm up to, she's still 6 chapters ahead of everyone else).

The Nascent Diplomat also has a relatively fast turnaround.

I have tried to train myself to let editing and writing brain not be too connected to each other. But I can't always pick up a new chapter immediately after editing another. That's why after editing, I'm normally putting a chapter up instead. Or I'll consolidate time and edit 2-3 chapters on the same day, because I know that won't be a 'writing day.' I never plan to write anything else after editing. And if I start my day editing, I won't finish the day writing.

So I can relate to sometimes feeling blocked after editing! That doesn't have to be an abnormal part of the process. Editing is tiring, and it's meticulous and particular. So sometimes after editing, that part of you that likes to do idea generation and sit in different worlds etc just needs a rest. I play video games, chat with friends, or just focus on anything else after editing. I don't ever force myself to write after editing.

That being said, if I edit all day Monday, I can write again on Tuesday morning. It's a new day, I ignore the chapter I edited (I don't read through it again), and I start with something new. A good trick if you have writer's block, is to always end your current project or chapter on a sentence or paragraph you already know how to complete. So that way when you start in a few hours, or the next day, or a week later, you will look and have already given yourself a head start.

Many writers stop writing when they sort of...fatigue on the chapter or run out of ideas or get stuck or don't know what to do next. I strongly strongly suggest just trying the practice of stopping writing when you do know exactly what to write next. That's not going to solve the issue every time (some chapters are just more difficult than others), but the act of finishing a sentence or paragraph at the beginning of a writing session is way more motivational then sitting there staring at the problem that past you left for your present self, lol.

But yeah, my writing-editing-publishing turnaround is fast. Even The Gentle Wolf only got about two or three weeks before serious edits commenced. And even then, every chapter went immediately off to my beta (in serial format almost), and I batch-sent chapters to my other two betas (i.e. 4-5 chapters at a time). I made all of their suggested changes, and then got stuck into serious edits once the manuscript was finished.

It is good practice to let manuscripts sit, but I don't have that luxury with serials in quite the same way, with the exception of The Ice Plague.

That being said, because I reread my own works for pleasure, I'm constantly editing and tweaking bits and pieces over the years! Even SAL got 10,000 words removed from when it was first published to now. So people who read it now are reading a tighter story than the version that went up week to week. :)

I hope in the mess of all that rambling there's something that might help you anon!

[ladyonfire28]

dropping by to say thanks so much for all the contributions you've made to the poalof fandom. without a doubt the interview translations are tedious but without fail you're right there ready to go with such fast turnaround time. you mentioned this earlier regarding formally learning english while in school yet not feeling challenged enough so you studied it on your own. are french schools relatively lax in in teaching foreign languages (particularly english or was it just your school)? [1/2]

also, more importantly i bet you have a super cute french accent whilst speaking english :D have a great day/night [2/2]

————————————————————————

omg thank you so much… i’m so touched ! ❤️

But no it’s not only my school, it’s definitely the whole system. In france we focus much more on the science subjects than literature and foreign languages unfortunately. I think in secondary school we only have 3,5 hours/ week for our english class. And we also have a second foreign language class, that is usually spanish (sometimes german, italian or portuguese) and it’s only 2 hours/week. So that’s definitely not enough to learn a language. And i also think the way most teachers are teaching isn’t effective, or it’s not the right way. 

I said watching english series or movies helped me a lot, but i forgot to say that reading english helped me probably just as much. And by reading i don’t even mean books, i mean tweets, tumblr post, fanfictions. I can’t tell you how much i learned just by reading fanfictions lmao. I think we don’t read enough in english. Teachers should give us books to read in english, that’s it. And not even serious books, it could be comics or very short novels, anything really. 

I swear my accent isn’t cute haha. Accents are only cute when the person with the accent IS cute (ie Adèle and Noémie lol). 

But thank you again for your very sweet words, i hope you have a great day/night too ❤️

[lightsandlostbells]

Druck season 2, episode 7 reaction

Goddamn, Druck. I’ve been dragging my ass with the rest of the S2 reactions because honestly, the content is pretty rough and rewatching it requires a certain amount of emotional fortitude, lol. 

Anyway, here’s me putting myself through S2 hell so I can catch up to recap S3 hell!

Episode 7

Clip 1 - Interesting choice of entertainment

As I mentioned in the last reaction, I thought we might start with Mia calling off their relationship, as if last night was her way of saying goodbye to Alex, getting in just a little more time together because she did as Kiki asked. But obviously that wasn’t the case, because Mia and Alex are very much still in bed together.

They are sitting up and watching a movie on a laptop. In the movie, a woman kisses another woman. We cut away to Alex and Mia sitting there stiffly, sneaking glances at each other, as we hear the scene get sexy, with zippers unzipped, lots of panting and wet smacking sounds. Both of them clearly getting turned on by this video. Alex shifts and I think he covers his lap a little more, lol. He shifts closer to her and “subtly” puts his hand out for the taking. I love that Mia notices and smirks a little but doesn’t seem to take his hand. 

This whole part of the scene was so weirdly true to life, lmao, if you’ve ever ended up watching a film that was more explicit than expected with someone. I had a friend who ended up watching Y Tu Mamá También on like a first or second date, neither of them knowing what the movie was about, and it was apparently very awkward.

Finally he turns off the film and kisses her. She leans away eventually and starts asking him about the scene - whether he was turned on by her or the scene. He’s like … both? He asks whether Mia watches porn and she says yes.

There was some debate about like … whether it’s in-character for Mia to watch porn or whether it’s hypocritical of her to do so as a feminist, and I don’t want to even get into the larger debate about whether porn can be feminist because holy shit is that a can of worms, but whether or not you think it’s compatible for Mia to watch porn with her being a feminist, people do a lot of stuff that isn’t 100% in line with their ideals. A lot of feminist criticism also opposes makeup and believes it to be a product of patriarchy, but Mia wears lipstick anyway. So just on the level of whether this is consistent with her as a character, i don’t think it’s wildly OOC.

There was also a lot of (understandable) debate about them watching a lesbian sex scene while still dodging a clear answer about Mia’s sexuality, especially right after Kiki made that comment about Mia being bi in the previous night’s clip, which again went unanswered. By the end of the episode they did give us an answer, but watching in real time made it feel more like they were drawing out the answer. I guess I’m wondering just why they chose to do so? Was it to tease the audience, or were they trying to find a way to drop the answer in naturally (because I can think of places where they could have done so earlier), or was there intended to be a reason story-wise that Mia’s a little vague? Is it just because it’s related to her romantic history, and it’s difficult for her to mention? Because she could mention her bisexuality without talking about specific relationships, although it’s true people might ask whether she’d ever been with a girl.

I think the most likely reason is perhaps that the Druck team didn’t expect just how much people wanted from them about Mia’s bisexuality, and they wrote in more scenes mentioning it after they saw fan reaction.

About the video they’re watching - it’s called Wach and it’s apparently by Funk (the channel that does Druck). You can watch it on YouTube although it seemed kind of dreary so I confess I didn’t watch much of it, lol. If it’s really good and I’m missing out, let me know! Anyway, the movie’s about two girlfriends but in the scene Mia and Alex are watching, they’re having a threesome with a guy. Not sure if there’s any bigger significance other than the nod to something else from Funk, and nudging at the topic of Mia’s sexuality, or the sex topic between Mia and Alexander.

He suspects she has a bigger reason for asking and draws a question mark on her forehead. This dude needs to take improv classes already, that’s clearly where his heart lies. Also, I think Mia might be asking why he’s turned on to get his opinion about two women together? I mean, I guess that could be the in-universe explanation why the talk about her sexuality is a little vague is that she wants to see how he’ll react first.

They have a pillow fight and she shoves him out of bed, he runs back into the room and tackles her and they roll around. WATCH THE LAPTOP! Eh, I guess Alex can afford another one.

They’re playful and cute. Things get heated and he slips his hand to crotch level, which makes her shake her head and back off. He asks her what’s allowed. LOW BAR, I know, but at least he doesn’t pressure her to go father than she wants. It’s sad and I don’t want to praise him for showing basic human decency, but William’s comments when Noora didn’t want to sleep with him, saying it was a funny joke and such, or that he’d managed to sleep with her soon anyway, always bothered me, so I’m glad this wasn’t recreated in Alexander.

Mia gives him the finger, and then adds another, which is deeply fucking iconic, and we end as he slides his hand down her pants. Well, damn. A big departure from Noora, not so surprising because Mia has a lot of differences from her (such as drinking alcohol when Noora did not). Part of me is proud of Mia for being upfront about what she wants and setting boundaries for what she doesn’t, the other part is like ohhhhh nooooo, girl. You told Kiki you’d break up with him, you don’t want to go any deeper with him! (...pun intended.)

Clip 2 - Bubble bath

Mia and Alex are taking a bubble bath together, lying at opposite sides. That’s quite intimate. They are doing some types of The Sex at this point even if it is not The Whole Shebang so maybe not surprising, but certainly we’re seeing their physical relationship escalate as a faster pace than Noorhelm. They seem comfortable in there together. Alex says they should stay in there as long as they can. Like, days. Well, if you can tolerate pruning, cold water, and marinating in your own filth for that long, go for it.

Mia offhandedly mentions Alex’s grade retention and he looks tired and not ready to talk about it. That water just got a few degrees colder.

He asks why she’s so cautious, if it’s because of Kiki. Mia lies to him that she talked to Kiki and everything’s cool. MIA, NO. Really???? Not a good idea. You’re not only disrespecting Kiki with what you’re doing now, and lying to your friends, but now you’re lying to Alexander, too. I know that she probably just wants to stay in this bath and in this bubble of Alexander’s apartment where everything’s OK and she gets what she wants and no one is mad and her personal life isn’t messy, but this is not the way to go about it. 

OH SHIT he actually asked about negative experiences and whether that’s why she’s bi. Errrr, is he implying that she likes girls because she’s been burned by men? YIKES. Mia tells him that statement alone is reason enough to only date girls from now on. Okay, so is that confirmation of her bisexuality? (I guess if I have to ask, probably not the clearest it could be.) And she says that she could also ask why he only does one-night stands and moves fast. He says it’s complicated. So basically, despite becoming more intimate, literally lying here naked in this tub together, both of them still have some friction, both aren’t completely opening up to each other. 

She chides him for his so-called hard life, with his nice car and apartment, and he reminds her that this is his sister’s flat, and we finally get an answer of sorts that his sister is in Bali. (By now we know the truth, but when this aired I wrote in my notes: “Super dark theory: the sister is dead and he means they scattered her ashes in Bali or something like that.”)

He talks about it’s hard with his parents and then says he wants to get out of the tub as the water is getting cold, which is one hell of a turnaround from wanting to stay in there for days like a minute ago. Mia says things are difficult with her parents, too, and she’s sorry. That makes him lie back down in the tub. Tension averted for now. They fist-bump. I guess their couple thing is hand gestures? Like Jonas has Hanna’s nose, meanwhile Mia and Alex are just flipping each other the bird and knocking knuckles. I can get into that, they certainly have a lot of options.

Clip 3 - Truth or dare

Mia and Alex step outside and turn off airplane mode on their phones. So they’re really hiding from everyone, huh, not even letting text messages come through. This is shady as hell that Mia’s doing this when she told Kiki otherwise. She’s lucky because this is holiday break, but she can’t camp out in Alexander’s apartment away from the rest of the world forever

Mia told the girls she was ill. DUDE. All of them were worried and checking in on her. I wonder how many of them truly believed her and didn’t have any suspicion of what she was really doing? Kiki in particular seemed to wonder how she was doing, and I’m not sure she totally bought Mia’s excuse. But whether she did or not, that must make Mia feel a ton of guilt. (Though she still doesn’t break up with him...)

I love this shot of Mia and Alex looking so small and uncomfortable once they stepped outside, like it’s overwhelming and harsh to leave their bubble.

They go back inside because it’s cold, or because they don’t want to face the outside world, and Mia is pensive. She spins around the thermos like it’s spin the bottle (and lmao when it lands between them, fixes it to point toward Alex) and says truth or dare. I wonder why she chose that moment to get some truth between them? Because she feels guilty about the lies she told her friends? Because she wants to know this thing she’s lying to them about is worth it, and that means she has to open up?

He says truth. She asks, “Why me?” He says it’s because she knows who he is. Which true, if you assume he means all the way from when she told him off about Kiki back in season 1. She’s been pointing out his flaws all along. And I mean, maybe he has a shit opinion of himself, but she wasn’t wrong about him (at least not entirely) and she didn’t fall for an idealized version of him, Alexander the rich bad boy with the cool car who’s the most wanted guy in school. She saw through that and she saw him at much of his worst, and yet somehow she’s here anyway. And I don’t know if this is exactly what he meant, but she also knows him in the sense that they have some things in common, like dealing with difficult parents, being Christmas orphans, etc.

Mia directs the thermos at herself and says truth. Bold move considering she knows what he’s probably going to ask; she’s really just ready to talk to him about it, and this is maybe an easier way to do so, framing it as a game. Alex takes a moment to think about what to ask and then asks why she’s so cautious. She tells the story of when she was 13 and she had a crush on her friend’s older brother, who was 18. He paid her a lot of compliments and she thought he liked her. He pressured her into sleeping with him, she didn’t want to but did it anyway, and then he never texted her again. Some people are school knew about it. She felt bad about herself and couldn’t talk to anyone.

The age of consent in Germany is 14, making what happened to Mia statutory rape. This adds perhaps even more impact to Mia reporting Bjorn later in the season, because it doesn’t sound like the first guy faced any repercussions for what he did; with Bjorn there is hope that justice will be served.

I think this explains a lot about why Mia was cautious about Alexander in particular, because he’s the kind of guy who was feeding girls compliments, sleeping with them, and cutting them off. Didn’t Alexander compliment Kiki’s stomach or something? And then of course Mia had a front-row seat to him ghosting Kiki after sleeping with her, and then seeing it all happen again like a slow-motion car crash. I really, really hope this makes him think about what he was doing with girls before Mia. Remember how he tried to justify himself in episode 2 about what he did to Kiki, not making her promises and saying how he couldn’t have torn down her self-image all by himself? Here he sees the long-lasting effects of that behavior on someone. Just think, there are probably Mias out there who will end up telling their stories to someone else, and the guy they’re talking about will be Alexander.

Alex is about to turn the bottle back to himself, but Mia stops it and says she also had a thing with a girl that ended before she came to Germany. No details on why it ended, if it was something really bad or more of a mundane breakup. Since she’s not going into details, I’m assuming whatever happened wasn’t horrible, but I’d still like to know more details about it.

Could they have handled Mia’s sexuality better? Yes, of course. But at this point I was just glad they addressed it directly. It would be nice if they touched on it in the future: we haven’t yet had the build-up of Matteo living in the flat, or being rescued by Hans, but with both Hans and Mia being members of the LGBT community, it would be really nice if they were able to support Matteo, and then we could hear more about Mia’s sexuality, too, like her past relationship, how she realized she was bi, etc.

He says no pressure, they have all the time in the world. THANK GOD. Low bar, I know, but I also still think there’s value in showing men being respectful and not pressuring women into sex? If you consider that the target audience is teen girls, this is a message that they need to be hearing - that they are allowed to set sexual boundaries and that boys have to respect them. And for teenage boys, while Alex has done a lot of messed-up stuff regarding girls, this part can still be used as a model for respecting boundaries and getting consent.

Clip 4 - I bet Hans and Linn ate the soup later

Mia and Alexander are in Mia’s room, ostensibly trying to study but very clearly hot for each other and making this a kind of foreplay. However, they don’t get very far until Hans comes into the room. He asks whether Alexander made “grumpy cat” angry, lmao. I love that nickname for Mia. He flops on the bed as if checking out the view of Alexander. Hans, what about Michi??

UNFORTUNATELY the doorbell rings and Linn opens Mia’s door, saying there’s a girl with soup. We hear Kiki’s voice. UH OH. Damn, Mia didn’t even really have time to like, try to shove Alexander under the bed or anything, did she? 

Alexander says it’s totally OK with him. Um, I bet it is. Would be a great opportunity to be like, hey Kiki, sorry for dumping you on NYE? Although he doesn’t look totally OK with it, though that might just be because Mia is so visibly worried.

Lol, Hans thinks for a moment, clearly recognizing Mia’s distress, and then strips off his robe and throws it over Alexander, and hey, he was the only one doing anything smart in the moment? Maybe not honest, but smart? OK, not smart, but it was ... something. 

Well, Alexander ain’t up for hiding under a robe, he takes it off as Kiki walks in with a big pot. She eyes Alexander and Mia, saying she made soup. She looks stunned at first, but then gets pissed and says it’s one thing for her to fuck up and apologize, but this is the worst. I have to agree, honestly. Mia put the burden on Kiki to tell her what to do, and then she didn’t even respect Kiki’s wishes. And then she lied to everyone. After that whole performance with cooking Kiki a nice dinner to talk about how sorry she was? This makes it seem like Mia just doesn’t give a shit about Kiki’s feelings, her crying and apologizing was an act to make Mia feel better, not Kiki.

I wonder if Kiki was really thinking Mia broke it off, or if she wasn’t suspicious. Like she was definitely suspicious after Sam put it out there a few episodes ago, and some of her moves were kinda calculated toward figuring out the truth. The soup may have been genuine goodwill, but maybe she also wanted to see if Mia was really sick, or if she was hiding something. Kiki did look very shocked when she saw Alexander, but maybe she was telling herself that no, Mia wouldn’t lie, Mia meant what she said, Mia cares about her. So this moment was confirming her worst fears.

Kiki angrily puts down the bowl of soup and I have to give her some credit for not throwing it or dropping it, which is what I was expecting.

Alexander asked her why she lied, and Mia says she doesn’t know. Errr, not a great answer, Mia. I have an idea why she lied. She wanted the moral high ground of “making things right” but didn’t want to actually give anything up. She wanted to ignore or run from the problems instead of dealing with them.

Mia says she can’t do this to Kiki. Alexander is pissed. Honestly, I can’t blame him for that. He has his flaws, too, for sure, and has been a shit to Kiki, but he also asked Mia if things were OK with her and Kiki, and she said they were, and now he’s finding out they weren’t and she’s using that as a reason to break up. I’d feel pretty betrayed. She also gave them a few days where they were extremely open with each other, took their relationship to the next level physically, got vulnerable with each other, and after that, she’s calling it off. When she knew all along that it was a bad idea - like she could have nipped this in the bud at the benefit concert. Instead it’s like she dawdled and made their relationship more intense and meaningful before ending it for a reason that’s been there the whole time, which is so much worse. (For Alexander, a dude who doesn’t get close to people? Even worse.)

Mia has massively fucked up but from a story perspective, I don’t mind it? I mean … that’s good for the protagonist’s growth. I like how messy Mia has been. I think it takes her off the “perfect girl” pedestal. 

Clip 5 - Panic attack

Mia is lying in bed in the dark at 21:00, so you know, she’s called it an early night. I feel you, girl. She reads her texts from earlier, where she and Alex flirted and discussed him coming over to study. How nice things were just hours earlier. No new messages. 

By the way, I can see the tear streaks on her face when she’s in bed, nice detail.

However, after she puts it down and rolls over, her phone lights up. She checks it and Alex is telling her to come over. Typing in all caps so it seems extra urgent.

As she’s running to Alexander, you hear some heavy breathing and rewatching the scene, it definitely sounds masculine, but when I first watched this clip I was so surprised by this development and why Alexander needed Mia that I wasn’t paying super close attention (also not watching with headphones), and I thought it was Mia’s breathing as she’s worried and running out the door. The reveal that this is Alex’s heavy breathing during a panic attack really stunned me. It adds so much tension to the scene as Mia is running to his place, obviously heavy breathing is something that reminds you of dangerous or tense scenarios.

She runs up the stairs to his place and his door is open, the lights are dim. The way the camera follows her is really disorienting, it’s hurried, it’s shaky. The lights make everything eerier - it’s dark and the sign on the wall makes the room pink, it’s not unnatural. Watching Mia run through his apartment trying to find Alex feels like navigating a maze.

Mia calls out for Alexander and eventually finds him in his underwear in a corner, sobbing and hyperventilating. You can see him clearly in the light but there’s still something unfocused about it. Mia grabs a paper bag from the kitchen and has him breathe into it. He’s crying and saying he wasn’t there. Holy shit, this is a panic attack?

Mia holds him as he cries and gasps for breath. He asks her to stay, she says she’s not going anywhere. She makes a joke about it still being 50 euro with breakfast and he manages to laugh.

This pose at the end is definitely giving off Pietà vibes.

The camera goes from extreme closeups as Alex is gasping to pulling back once he lays in Mia’s arms and calms down a bit, once he’s able to breathe and laugh at her joke. Like we’re getting breathing room. The music also goes from really tense to something more gentle once he relaxes in her arms and she says she’ll stay.

Goddamn. So instead of Mia having panic attacks/trauma, it’s Alex??? It was Noora who was panicking in OG, but we’ve switched the roles, Mia is the one to calm down Alexander. 

Props to Druck for showing a dude having a full-blown attack like this, in a very non-glamorous and vulnerable way. Panic attacks in general can be pretty visceral and they’re not pretty, and I think some media shies away from showing male characters in really fragile states like this. And it’s definitely a reversal of a lot of media gender roles to have Mia the fully clothed one who’s “in control” helping out Alex, the half-naked, sobbing and shaking one. And for this not to be portrayed as something weak, but something healing. Also, big props to the actors. Chris Veres didn’t hold back in this scene.

This clip really got to me, especially as someone who has experienced panic attacks. The earlier scene with Kiki discovering Mia and Alexander together had ratcheted up the drama, but this was one of those clips where I couldn’t really do anything else after I watched it for a little while, it had gotten under my skin that much. It’s hard for me to unpack it. Even rewatching it unnerves me, though Mia’s gentleness and compassion, and the ending where she says she’s not going anywhere, make the experience more uplifting. Bravo, Druck. 

I think it helped that it was so surprising too, like we already got a very important clip earlier in the day, and it was the drama we were all expecting, the next step in the Kiki/Mia/Alex situation, but this definitely was not what I was expecting next, both in that it’s a divergence from the original storyline and that I figured the next clip would build on Mia dealing with estrangement from both Kiki and Alex.

Clip 6 - Giddy up

Mia wakes up in bed with Alex the next morning. I like the contrast here from the last scene, just what a difference the daylight can make, feeling so much less threatening, and I like Mia’s reaction, as if she’s taking in all that happened last night. She looks at a Polaroid picture at the side of the bed, of Alex and his sister. The fact that it’s beside the bed tells you how much Alex probably looks at it and misses his sister.

Alex stir and wakes up. Heh, the crinkles of their pillows and sheets are so damn loud? I kinda love it, though, it reminds me of how good it feels to slowly wake up after a good night’s sleep. He tells Mia that he had a dream where he was feeling bad and cried in front of Mia, weird right? Mia agrees. It’s very quiet and they’re whispering. Comforting, talking about it and acknowledging it without having to go into the ugly details right now. And Mia isn’t grilling him over why he was having a panic attack or anything, just being gentle. She strokes the hair behind his ear and kisses him. They kiss softly and it gets a little more intense until Mia reaches for the jar next to Alexander’s bed and grabs a condom. They smile and Mia sits up on him and takes off her shirt. The music helpfully proclaims, “I’m a cowboy” so I mean, we know what position they used. Not surprising Mia would be on top.

I have zero problems with Mia and Alexander having sex sooner than the season finale, as with Noorhelm, although I was kinda like … is this reeeeally the best time to take this step, kids? Not because of Alexander’s panic attack, but more about Kiki walking in on them and finding out, and Mia thinking she can’t do that to Kiki, and what the hell they were going to do. It felt like they had a lot to talk about. But even so, I can definitely see why Mia felt it was the right time to take this step. There was no way Mia was leaving Alexander after last night, and clearly they care about each other a ton. It must have felt not just like waking up in the morning, but that they survived the night. The panic attack made Mia realize the total depth of her feelings, I think, and so I can fully see why it led to increased tenderness and intimacy.

Comparing Mia and Noora, Mia has trust issues and a bad experience with sex like Noora, but William did more stuff that would’ve broken Noora’s trust and made her question her feelings for him before they had sex. Noora and William kissed, then William was cold to her in front of his brother, so Noora was upset, then they made up, then William smashed a bottle over a guy’s head, then Noora was upset at that and questioned whether she could be with William, then before they could get back together, Niko happened. Since they’ve kissed, Mia hasn’t really had so many reasons to be upset with Alexander himself - it’s all about the situation with Kiki putting stress on their relationship. So I can see why the sexual element of their relationship, and the relationship as a whole, escalated much faster; Mia had more time to build up trust with him without that getting interrupted.

Clip 7 - Crew love is true love

Hanna and Mia are in the bathroom and Mia’s been telling Hanna how fast everything has gone in the last few days. It sure did! By the way, Hanna’s looking very pretty.

I like how they went from the cowboy song in the previous clip being a non-diegetic song and transitioned into this one as a diegetic song, with it playing at the Abi party now. That kind of stuff is clever, and it’s smoother than just choppily switching songs between scenes.

Alex is going to therapy now, which I love. I love that we have the Bad Boy Rich Dreamboat character seeking professional help for his trauma, I love that Druck is mentioning therapy rather casually, normalizing it. It’s not something that’s considered shameful or embarrassing, just a potential avenue for help. Mia says she doesn’t think it was his first panic attack, but she doesn’t really know why. (I’d understand if people were ehhhh about Mia telling all this to Hanna if you want, like IDK if Alexander gave her permission to tell people about his panic attack. Mia and Hanna seem to be pretty trustworthy about stuff like Matteo’s sexuality and they’re not trading it as juicy gossip, but I would get it.)

Hanna says Jonas also won’t talk to anyone, not even Matteo. Ohhh no. That boy might need some professional help, too, if he’s that much of a mess.

Hanna’s totally hugging turtleneck guy/not Gereven when they enter the club. Mia looks around and sees Kiki with Carlos. KIKI, TREAT HIM RIGHT. CARLOS, TREAT HER RIGHT. Kiki glares at Mia. 

Carlos gets a drink the same time Mia does and says, “What’s up Judas?” Not gonna lie, that’s mean, but it made me laugh. He does the typical “ugh girl drama BITCH FIGHT” thing, and lmao, I can’t help but think of like Jonas/Toilet Sam tussling in the stairwell in S1. Yes, it’s all girl drama, boy fights just don’t exist, ever!

Carlos is like, it’s none of my business, he doesn’t want to get involved, but he’s getting involved (lmao) and tells her how Kiki was in a very bad state the last few days, and says it would be a good move to smooth everything out. He’s like, good talk, and walks off. Without paying either, lol. Mia pays for him. Well, I guess she has some groveling to do. God, that talk was ridiculous but benevolent of him? He’s looking out for Kiki’s well-being. 

"Two angry birds” aka Sam and Amira (and lmao I love that nickname) come up to Mia. Indeed, they look angry. Mia says she’ll make it up to Kiki. I mean, she should probably apologize to the other girls, too, for lying and putting them all in this awkward position where they’re torn between friends.

Heh, there’s some banter among the girls about Sam being the only one who’s single and when Amira is like helloooo, Sam says she has Allah. Although it’s played more as a joke, this follows the same pattern of people disregarding the Sana character as someone who can have romantic relationships and feelings. She doesn’t count in the conversations about who in their group is alone and who’s not.  

Mia follows Kiki to talk to her. She apologizes and Kiki just looks annoyed. I don’t blame her considering that Mia’s last apology with the dinner turned out to feel hollow, all words but not backed up with actions. Kiki points out she was a hypocrite. I love Mia and I feel sympathy for her, but Kiki is really really not wrong.

Maybe this is obvious, but I’m seriously just realizing how close this situation is to Eva/Jonas/Ingrid in S1 (or Hanna/Jonas/Leonie), even more than Vilde, Noora, and William were to that situation. Mia fucked it up with Kiki to a level Noora didn’t with Vilde. 

Kiki interrupts and tells Mia what’s what - that if she had been honest from the beginning, Kiki wouldn’t have stopped her. But instead, Mia went to her when Kiki was heartbroken and basically made Kiki tell her what to do and give her her blessing. That’s exactly what happened! Mia put the burden on Kiki and basically said her happiness was in Kiki’s hands, like either Kiki had to be the villain and tell Mia to break up with Alex, or put aside her own feelings and be OK with it, even when she was the person who was wronged. Kiki didn’t feel like doing giving her blessing when she felt like shit and had been betrayed by a friend. And she didn’t expect Mia to listen, but Mia should’ve cared about her from the beginning. Kiki calls Mia out on being honest not just with others, but with herself. Kki used to compare herself to Mia, Mia gives all these moral lectures that sound smart and clever, but it’s not about what you say, but what you do. Well, shit. She’s right. And Mia needs to hear this. I’ve said this before, but I think their relationship is really complex this season. Messy, but complex. And this dynamic between them, with Kiki feeling like Mia didn’t really care, or was judging her, goes beyond just Alexander’s involvement. It’s not just fighting because of a boy.

Mia is apologizing and Carlos comes in to ruin the moment and be like “You straightened it out?” Lmao dude, don’t interrupt. He gives them all a shot, which is his attempt to play mediator, I guess, so he’s dumb but he’s trying. Kiki clinks glasses with him, then walks out. When Mia calls after her, Kiki says you still want my blessing? But you need yours. Whoaaaa.

Carlos and Kiki walk off hand in hand talking about her breasts. Well, I guess it’s nice that they’re appreciated without the surgery. Though obviously it’s about how Kiki feels about her body, not Carlos.

Mia stays behind and has a Moment, I guess she’s thinking about how she needs to go all in with Alexander, get rid of her remaining doubts. Then she goes out to meet her girls, they smile and dance. Finally Kiki smiles at Mia and they dance together. I love their little glance of reconciliation. The girl squad has a group hug. Awww! 

Toilet Sam comes in and greets everyone! He’s talking to Hanna and OF FUCKING COURSE that’s when Jonas and Matteo roll in. Jonas sees Hanna and Sam and legit pulls a Granpa Smpson exit, lmao at Matteo’s exasperated exit after him. Poor Matteo.

Mia and Kiki dance together in the closing moments of the clip, and it’s a fitting ending. Yay, they’re happy again! Truly the next three episodes will only be good times and no more suffering!

Social Media/General Comments:

LMAO, I fucking lost it at all the passive-aggressive Instagram stories that Kiki posted after the dinner from last episode. She tagged only Amira, Hanna, and Sam, not Mia, posting pictures that didn’t include Mia, set to Little Mix’s “Shout Out to my Ex” for that extra bitter flair. Which you know, fits Kiki’s relationship with Alexander, but honestly feels more like Mia is her ex going by the pictures, lol. Then Amira, Hanna, and Sam respond by posting Kiki’s posts WITH Mia, like good lord, the dramaaaaa of it all. I mean, they’re all making a statement, that they’re not ditching Mia, but how must that make Kiki feel? But it’s all so teenage and petty and immature that I love it. 

Jonas flakes on Matteo, saying he needs to study, but it’s more like he’s staying home and getting wasted. Matteo is worried and says they barely see each other anymore. Jeez. This is a total reversal of what we’ll likely see in S3, unless they are BOTH total messes in that season. Then it’ll be up to wise men Carlos and Abdi to step up for their bros. We did see Carlos having some sage advice in this episode, so maybe it’s not such a wild idea?

Matteo and Hanna talk later and Matteo lets Hanna know that Jonas isn’t doing well and that he failed a math test. I don’t think it’s Hanna’s duty to fix Jonas’ problems at all, but it’s nice that Matteo and Hanna are talking together and trying to help Jonas.

The other girls were gossiping about Mia and Alex. Amira figured out that Mia probably wasn’t answering because Mia was at Alexander’s place. Sigh, Mia. How long did you think you could keep your relationship a secret? It always gets out, as you just learned last week!!

Kiki posts a LOT of stuff about fake friends on IG after she discovers Mia and Alex together, and it’s pretty juvenile, but you know, hashtag relatable. And understandable. Super teenage.

I like that Amira reached out to Kiki and said she was there if she needed to talk. Kiki has been a shit to Amira on multiple occasions, but Amira remains a true friend. And I hope Kiki keeps this in mind the next time she wants to say something racist or insensitive (not that she would recognize it as such, probably).

Druck gave out hotline information for teenagers after the panic attack clip, encouraging them to talk to someone, which is great. Again, I love how they’re encouraging teenagers not to go through their problems alone, whether it’s through therapy, hotlines, or talking to trusted friends and family.

Amira talked about religious discrimination on Instagram and how difficult it is to get into public service in Germany when you wear a hijab. She’s mentioned this before, when the girls were meeting with career counselors, and I really hope that we somehow get a S4 despite the girls’ graduation so we can get an Amira season. I would love to see her story talk specifically about her ambitions and how she tries to achieve them despite people constantly telling her she won’t be able to make it as a Muslim hijabi. Just send Amira to Australia and she can have a life-changing backpacking adventure. It would be amazing. (Skam never gave us the Evak + boy squad Morocco trip we deserved, so I am down for Druck providing that awesome travelogue content.)

I am not German so please feel free to correct me or clarify me on cultural and language matters.

If you got this far, thank you for reading!

[missblanchette]

Birds of Paradise [4/5]

Series: Joker Game

Characters: Amari/Tazaki

Rating: G

Summary: Tazaki never found a reason to talk to the shopkeeper with the chestnut brown hair and god-like jawline – that was, until his pigeons attacked the flower display. (AKA The Flower Shop AU no one asked for)

Words: 2479

Notes: Modern AU/Flower Shop AU; “This will be updated weekly,” I say, as I proceed to hit a writer’s block and self-doubt l-lmao ;; Anyways, so sorry for the delay! Reworking this chapter was a lot more tougher than I expected, but hopefully it’s all right ^o^ 

ko-fi // Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | You can read this on AO3! Thanks so much for reading and I hope you guys enjoy~ ( ﾟ▽ﾟ)/

Ch. 4: Turnaround

Not to be over dramatic, but Tazaki would've rather had his head chopped off by a giant pigeon than see Amari again. Technically speaking, there wasn't a problem. It was just that the possibility of Amari having a family of his own was too much for him to deny and he couldn't act like nothing was wrong with that fun idea in the back of his mind.

Okay, maybe that did count as a problem.

But like any problem he faced, Tazaki did what he did best: avoiding it for as long as he possibly could. Which probably could've worked out better if not for all the bouquets in his apartment. Though they were beginning to wilt, he couldn't find it in himself to throw them out. Even with the color loss and curled up edges, the falling petals and the brown hues they took on, they were as beautiful as the day he received them. He'd have to preserve them somehow, press them or something like that. Perhaps he could ask Amari for... never mind.

As if the flowers weren't bad enough, little things kept reminding him of Amari. Tazaki was lucky he didn't get his email or any other contact, or else he'd be tempted to keep texting him about a dog he saw that looked as cute as Frate or how he passed by the aquarium and thought of Amari when he saw the dolphin poster. Christ, his friends were right. He really had it bad.

The real kicker came when Kaminaga oh so casually dropped an "Amari's been asking about you" during a conversation. When met with stupor, Kaminaga just shrugged.

"He said he hasn't seen you lately, but he hopes you're doing well."

With that, Tazaki remembered he did promise Amari he'd see him around. If the idea of hitting on a married guy made him feel bad, the idea of going back on his word made him feel like the worst person to ever exist. He owed Amari a lot, after all, considering how many bouquets his birds ruined. So mustering up all his courage (read: sucking it up), Tazaki gathered his pigeons and took the usual route he made on his morning walks -- the path to Persephone's. And just for good luck, he made sure Fukumoto's gift card was in his wallet.

Luck, though swell and all, probably wasn't enough; what he needed was divine intervention. The gods should just smite him now so he wouldn't have to deal with this anymore. But that would leave his pigeons all alone, and he couldn't do that to them. Well then, he should just move somewhere else, change his name, and start a new life. Yeah, he could picture it now: he'd be a wandering street magician named Seto Reiji, performing all kinds of tricks with his birds.

All the "what if"s and "if only"s flooded his head as his feet carried him on auto-pilot, his mind numb to the world around him. Not even the honking of a car was enough to break his thoughts; it took a slap in the face from one of his birds' wings to alert him of the car turning the corner, and even then he was a bit slow on the uptake.

He stumbled backwards, losing balance with just a few steps before landing on his back. The driver didn't even do so much as apologize, merely speeding off with the tires screeching behind him. At the moment, Tazaki didn't really care; he had to make sure his darlings were all right. Ignoring the pain in his head and back, ignoring the stinging in his elbows, ignoring the stares of the passersby, Tazaki sat up and checked on his pigeons.

As he looked them over, they appeared to be fine except for all the feathers scattered along the sidewalk. He'd have to clean that up. Or the wind could just carry them away so he wouldn't have to. No matter, he had more important things to worry about. Performing a headcount, he counted one bird, two birds, three, four, five, and his heart dropped as he realized Kazuaki was missing. A weary coo came from the side, catching his attention before he could have a proper freak out. Still, he held his breath as he crawled over and scooped Kazuaki into his hands.

Kazuaki limped on, keeping weight off his right leg. Most likely broken, Tazaki deduced, if how bent it was anything to go by. Not good. Not good, at all. He needed to get him to the vet, but that was a train ride away and he didn't have his Suica card on him. At the very least, he needed to patch him up but home was about fifteen minutes away. How fast would an ambulance get here? Not fast enough, he thought as Kazuaki squirmed in his hold.

Forcing himself up, Tazaki nearly tipped over again when someone caught him. He jumped at the contact, goosebumps running down his body.

"Thank you," he said, turning to face who just helped him. His eyes bulged in recognition. "Amari!?"

"Are you all right, Tazaki?" Amari asked, eyes filled with concern. Tazaki couldn't help but look away, a little too overwhelmed with being under Amari's gaze and hold at the same time. "I heard some commotion outside and went to check. I didn't expect to see you, though."

Right, Persephone's was just up the block. The gods must've sent that car veering towards him but changed their minds last minute. They should've just gone full speed and ran him over.

"I'm fine," Tazaki said, reluctantly pulling himself from Amari to prove his point. Amari simply frowned, a hand lingering on the small of his back. "It's Kazuaki I'm worried about. He broke his leg."

"Oh no." Amari inched closer towards Kazuaki, his frown deepening. He hummed in thought, briefly glancing in the direction of Persephone's before looking back at him. "Why don't we take him back to the shop? I'm not sure how much help it would be, but it's better than staying out here."

"I... thanks, but I should take him to the vet."

"How long will that take?"

Tazaki's lips twitched. Leaving Kazuaki to suffer an extra thirty minutes minimum or awkwardly spending time with his crush? Damn, got him there.

"On second thought, lead the way."

Not wasting time, Amari took him by the arm and guided him back with the rest of his pigeons following in tow. As soon as they entered Persephone's, Amari made a beeline for the back.

"The first aid kit should be around here..."

"You don't have to worry so much," Tazaki said, placing Kazuaki onto the counter as gently as he could along with his other birds. "He's my responsibility, so I'll take care of him. You're already doing a lot for me."

Amari froze in his search, turning back to him slowly with furrowed eyebrows as if he'd said something ridiculous (which, he'll be real, was very often if Miyoshi's comments were anything to go by).

"But I want to," Amari said. "I care about you. And I care about your birds, too, so I wanna do anything I can do to help."

Try as he might, Tazaki couldn't come up with a proper response. Save for his friends, he'd never met anyone so willing to help him -- especially when they haven't known each other for that long. To think that Amari considered him a friend, someone to care about, and that he cared enough to consider the ones he loved, Tazaki could barely wrap his mind around the fact. He was blessed, truly; even if they couldn't pursue a romantic relationship, Tazaki thanked whatever gods may be that he met Amari.

"Thank you," was what Tazaki settled for. That was good enough for now. "In that case, do you have anything we can use for a splint?"

"Just a second," Amari said, locating the first aid kit and handing it to him. "Oh, by the way --" He opened it and took out what appeared to be Hello Kitty bandages. "-- here."

Tazaki tilted his head.

"Your elbows are kinda scraped up. Don't want them getting infected now, do we?" Amari said. "Sorry about the design though, they're Emma's."

"It's fine." Taking them from him, a small smile found its way onto Tazaki's lips. He'd wear these Hello Kitty bandages with pride. "I didn't even realize I got hurt. Thank you."

And with that, the two set to work. Or rather, Tazaki handled the actual fixing up while Amari acted as his assistant. With bird bones being as fragile as they were, this wasn't the first time Tazaki's been in this situation. Using a small piece of wood leftover from a display, Tazaki took some gauze and created a makeshift splint for Kazuaki. Despite his experience, it didn't make it easier when he heard Kazuaki's pained coos as he set the cast on. Thankfully, Amari kept either of them from freaking out too much by making small talk and the occasional comment here and there. Before they knew it, they were done.

"Someone's looking better already~" Amari said as Tazaki tightened the splint. If not for the awkward limp, it really did look like nothing happened to Kazuaki.

"He's a tough one. I'll still have to call the vet though, but I couldn't have done it without you."

"I didn't do much," Amari said, shaking his head. "I just found something to use, is all."

"It's still better than nothing. It would've taken more time to go to the vet, so really, thank you. I owe you."

"It's the least I could've done."

"I insist."

Amari was silent for a moment before chuckling.

"I feel like we've had this conversation before."

"Perhaps once or twice," Tazaki teased.

"Well, if that's the case..." Amari tapped his chin. "Can you come over some time during the weekday? In the afternoon?"

Tazaki's heart thumped.

"I think I can do that. Why?"

Smiling sheepishly, Amari rubbed the back of his neck.

"Emma's been asking about you. She's quite taken with you, it seems." He laughed, focusing on petting Kazuaki instead. "It's funny, I've never seen her get so attached to a stranger -- not even me."

Tazaki nodded, ready to offer some sympathy. Though children typically had no sense of danger, some of them could get wary of someone they've never met -- wait . Hold up.

"What," was the first thing out of Tazaki's mouth. Wow, that was smooth. All right, redo. "I mean... really ? She seems very attached to you."

Amari chuckled, though this one a bit more forced.

"It wasn't always like this. Remember when I said I went to Hawaii?"

"Yeah?"

"That's where I met Emma and her mom. Long story short, I had to take her in because her mother couldn't care for her anymore." Amari's eyes took on a faraway look, his face forlorn in reminisce as his petting slowed down. "It was around this time of year, actually, and she's usually so down because of it. That's why I'm asking you to come over, since you seem to make her happy."

As if snapping out of a trance, he turned back to Tazaki and brushed it off.

"Haha, geez, there I go rambling again."

"No, no, it's okay!" Tazaki said. He would listen to him ramble all day, if he could. To think that Amari trusted him enough with all this, Tazaki wouldn't dare let him down. "That's really admirable of you, honestly, taking on such a huge responsibility... by yourself."

"I try my best, is all," Amari said, waving it off. "As long as she's happy, then I'm happy."

"Then I'll play my part and keep the both of you happy."

It was Amari's turn to be speechless, staring at Tazaki with wide eyes. Then, he grinned.

"I'll hold it to you."

Before either of them could say anything else, a trill came in between them along with flapping wings.

"Oh, sorry," Tazaki said as he took Kazuaki back. "I guess he's getting a little antsy."

"It's fine. I suppose you should be getting him to the vet anyways."

"Ah, that's right," he said, giving Kazuaki a once over. He would be able to hang on until then, hopefully. "Thank you again. I really appreciate it."

"It was nothing," Amari said as he waved goodbye to his pigeons. "So... I'll see you later?"

Tazaki smiled.

"Of course."

Trusting the rest of his pigeons to behave, Tazaki dropped them home when he went back to get his Suica card before taking Kazuaki to the vet. Fortunately, nothing too exciting happened as he made his way to the train station, letting him rest easy after what just happened. Despite the soreness that ran throughout his body, Tazaki thought that today was a good day so far. He should be nearly hit by cars more often, he thought as his mind drifted to the Hello Kitty bandages on his elbows. Kazuaki wriggled in his hands, reminding him on the situation. All right, maybe there were other ways to spend time with Amari that didn't involve bodily injury to anyone.

"Amari's a good guy, isn't he?" Tazaki said. The lady sitting next to him gave him a strange look, as if unsure of how to answer. "Oh, sorry," he said. "Not you --" He pointed at Kazuaki. "-- him."

Kazuaki chirped in response, pulling his attention back towards him.

"Really?" Tazaki squinted his eyes. By all means, that was a positive answer, but there was something off about it. "Why didn't you say that before?"

A trill accompanied by the fluttering of wings. Tazaki's mouth dropped.

"You're a bird."

He clicked his beak.

"You can't have him. "

Teetering, Kazuaki chittered.

"D-Defensive!? I'm just stating the facts."

Kazuaki bit his hand, which only stung a bit. Just a bit. Fine, maybe he was being a little defensive but how else was he supposed to react? Before he could speak again, Kazuaki let out a low coo. He flipped his tail as best he could, tilting his head as he looked up at him.

"...You think so?"

Stepping closer towards him, Kazuaki whistled.

"But --"

He trilled, spreading his wings out in that way that said he wasn't having any of it.

“Er, thank you for your blessing. I think."

Satisfied with that, Kazuaki retracted his wings and bobbed his head back and forth. Smiling, Tazaki held him closer and petted him.

Having the approval of all his darlings was reassuring to say the least. On top of that, his previous worries were no longer a problem. Letting out a sigh of relief, Tazaki rested his head against the wall and took comfort in the rhythmic rumblings of the train.

No more backing out, Tazaki decided. He'd ask Amari out next time for sure.