#my tuesday turns wednesday won't be the same again.

[aprilblossomgirl]

Man Trisanu Soranun as Jeng Kittiphong Atthachiranon and Ben Bunyapol Likhitamnuayporn as Pat Phakphum Tangwatthana in Step by Step (2023) | ep.3

Mr. Jeng’s name is... Mr. Jeng’s name is... I can’t remember! 

[clarisse0o]

Camp Wiegman-Part 56

Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle

Alternative Universe : Military School

Words : 6k

Masterlist

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Friday, February 19; 3:00 PM -Alps

"Mom," I sighed again. "Do I really have to argue with you about this?"

"Why wouldn't you want to come home as well? I really expected you to visit."

"How many times do I have to repeat myself?" I replied with a weary tone. "I have an interview on Tuesday. We would have come after that, but all my friends are staying here."

"Yes, but..."

She started her sentence but quickly stopped to sigh in turn. I had been struggling with her for nearly fifteen minutes about our possible return to Barcelona. I knew it would be difficult to tell her we weren't coming, but I didn't expect it to be this hard. She seemed really upset.

"I would have loved to see you again... Plus, I'm a bit worried about letting Joan travel alone."

"Oh come on, it won't hurt him to manage on his own, don't you think? And it's not like we're never coming back to Barcelona. It's just that the end of this vacation isn't convenient for us."

"Yes, I understand..."

I rolled my eyes as I turned to lean against the railing of our small balcony. I had stepped outside to get some space. I didn't need Lucy hearing our conversation. Who knows how it could have gone. Surprisingly, it was going more calmly than I had imagined. Especially for a disagreement. She had never acted this way with me before. It's the first time she's trying to see me, and maybe that's why I'm not being as harsh for once. From this new angle where I positioned myself, I could see inside our room. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to move. Lucy was gathering our things, offering me a perfect distraction. It's our last day today, and we're leaving in the next hour... Just thinking about it makes my stomach turn. I would have loved to extend this vacation.

"I took a few days off, you know," my mother continued, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Are you trying to make me feel guilty?" I teased. "I can be stronger than you at this game, Mom. For instance, you've never taken a vacation for me before."

An awkward silence followed. I could almost feel her nervousness from here, and yet I hadn't even raised my voice this time. She knew I was right, and she must have been afraid that I would get angry. However, now that I think about it, I can't blame her. Our relationship was so shaky that she avoided taking vacations at the same time as me. It was better for everyone if we didn't want seven to fifteen days of door-slamming arguments.

"Alright, I get it," she sighed. "I give up, but do you think you could come back soon...?"

"I don't know. Probably. We'll make sure to come back over a weekend if you really want to see us. Has Lucy made such an impression on you or what?" I teased lightly.

"I love Lucy, but I'd also like to spend time with you."

I nervously bit my lip. Her words seemed sincere, but for some reason, I felt like there was something more behind them. She really insisted on my girlfriend's presence, which was very unsettling. My daydreaming was quickly interrupted by Lucy waving at me from inside to get my attention. It wasn't hard to understand that she was waiting for my help. I sighed as I ran my hand through my hair.

"Listen, Mom, we'll come back, for sure, but it won't be next week. Just get a ticket for Joan. The best would be for Wednesday," I said, repeating what Lucy and I had agreed on.

"Alright... I'll let you know the times. You fly this route often, do you know someone who could take care of himS?"

"Yeah," I said without even thinking. "Ask Shay to take care of her. She's young, probably Lucy's age, very nice. I don't know if she'll be on that flight, but you can try."

"Okay, I'll see. Did you have a good vacation otherwise?"

"Really great. I'd love to keep chatting with you, Mom, but I need to gather my things, you see. Lucy will come looking for me outside if this goes on," I chuckled softly.

"Oh," she replied, embarrassed. "Sorry for keeping you..."

"No, don't worry. I'll call you when we get back to tell you all about it, okay?"

This conversation was getting stranger by the minute. I don't know where these words were coming from, but I felt compelled to say them given how she was behaving. One thing is certain, it does nothing to ease our awkwardness.

"Alright," she responded uncertainly. "Be careful on your way back."

"Promise. See you soon."

"Safe travels."

"Thanks. Bye, Mom."

The words slipped out again. I had never said "bye" to her at the end of a phone call before. I quickly hung up to avoid prolonging this strange and unusual conversation. I took a deep breath before heading back into the room. The first thing I did was take off my jacket. Lucy was no longer visible, but I understood she was in the bathroom from the noise coming from there.

"Did everything go well?" she asked me.

"Mm-hmm," I replied nonchalantly. "I don't want to leave," I added to change the subject.

"Oh, come on. Don't act like a child."

I relaxed, relieved that she was playing along by responding to the second part of my sentence instead of asking questions about what I had been doing outside. So I quickly continued in that direction.

"It was way too short."

"Are you done? Help me finish packing our things instead of complaining."

"Blah, blah, blah," I mumbled with amusement.

I smiled as her head peeked out from the doorway to give me a threatening look.

"I'm not kidding. Your clothes are still in the closet, so make sure to pack your suitcase."

"Yeah, yeah."

I rolled my eyes before turning my back on her. Looking her in the face right now could be regrettable for me. At the same time, it really was a perfect stay. It's the first time I've had such a hard time leaving. Yet, I tend to be the kind of person who loves returning home to find my routine after a trip. But today, I have to admit it's the opposite. Lucy was right again. I'm going to be the one making us late if I keep delaying our departure. With these thoughts, I started packing my suitcase as Lucy had asked. Everything was folded, so packing was easy. Then I tackled the nightstand, dumping what was left on it into my bag. I sighed at the same time, which made Lucy laugh in the next room.

"Aren't you done yet? Are you going to mope too?"

"Yes! Completely."

"Well, I guess I'll leave you here then."

"Hey!" I protested. "You wouldn't do that."

"Why not? You just confirmed that you'd be depressed if you left here, so you could stay here, right? That would solve your problem."

"But no," I complained. "You don't get it. I'll be even more depressed if you leave me here alone."

"Really?" she murmured in my ear, making me jump.

She placed her hand on my hip. I didn't expect her to be behind me when just a few seconds ago, she was talking to me from the bathroom. I glanced over my shoulder to see her little charming smile. When I tried to turn around, she held me back to pull me closer to her.

"So, I'm more important than a place, huh?"

"You know very well you are," I whispered. "You understood perfectly when I said I wanted to stay here. It meant with you."

"I didn't understand it that way, though," she teased lightly.

I closed my eyes as she placed her lips on my neck. My God, how I loved her kisses. Anywhere, as long as she gave them to me. She's the only one who can drive me crazy to the point of letting her touch me like this. I still can't figure out how she managed to fit so easily into my life, but she did. And damn, do I love it.

"You should..." I finally whispered.

"And why is that?" she murmured against my neck.

- Because. I don't want to go anywhere without you anymore...

I pause for a moment after saying this. I don’t even recognize myself anymore. I was never someone clingy, and I definitely feel clingy saying this.

- I can't believe I just said that, I mutter out loud, making Lucy chuckle.

- But you did. It’s cute.

I take advantage of this moment to turn around and face her. She gives me a quick peck on the lips without adding any more comments that could make me uncomfortable.

- Alright, now that your little bout of depression is over, can we finish packing our things? I promise we’ll end our vacation just as well as we started it.

- I know, but it’ll be different. Not as... magical. We had our own little world here, you know?

- I can't argue with that... It’s true it will be different, but we have to return to the real world sooner or later.

I nod in agreement. It’s true, we’re really going back to reality. This last week of vacation will bring more work and responsibilities. It will start with the interview Lucy arranged for me, and then with my brother's arrival. I’m quite happy I won the battle against my mom. There was no way I was going to impose another long trip on us. Plus, after talking with the girls, I found out that Ale is staying in Manchester with Jenni, and Mapi already bought her ticket back for next weekend. Going back under those circumstances was out of the question. Having spent several weekends in Manchester before, this is the first time it’s happening. I can understand why my mom is worried about sending Joan, but he’ll only be traveling alone for one trip as we’ll make sure he returns with Mapi.

- Well, Lucy says, closing the suitcase. It’s time to head down. Are you done on your end?

- Yep.

I throw in the last of my things that I had in my hands before doing one last check. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s repacking when leaving. I always feel like I’m missing something. Fortunately, everything seems to be in order. I close my suitcase and join Lucy, who has already moved towards the door. I glance back one last time with a slight pang in my heart. I’m really going to miss this place. It was truly our little haven.

- Let’s go, Lucy murmurs.

I give her a sad smile and grab her hand. She shuts the door behind us, and we head downstairs. I’m surprised to see that we’re among the last to finish. I expected the others to take more time, considering this is the first time it’s happened. Usually, we’re among the first.

- I’ll go return the keys, Lucy tells me.

She steals a kiss before heading to the reception. I take the opportunity to join Alexia and Mapi, who seem to be having an animated conversation from where I’m standing. It looks like it’s the case, given how they greet me.

- There you are at last! Mapi calls out. We had an idea, Ale and I.

- Oh really?

- Yeah, she says proudly. Do you think Lucy will let you go for a night? We were thinking of having a girls’ night when we get back. Just the three of us, no girlfriends, nothing. Just us.

- Do you really think I would spoil the night by not wanting my presence, Mapi?

Once again, Lucy catches me off guard with her sudden appearance. The girls didn’t expect it either, judging by the looks on their faces. Since I told her what Mapi thought, this is the first time she’s made a remark that could suggest a reproach. Yet, I know they’ve talked. Neither of them wants to tell me what was said, but all I know is that things are better. They’ve settled their differences and know what they think of each other. I had pestered Lucy to be kind, and it seems she was. The most important thing is that their relationship has improved. It would be great if they didn’t take three steps back again. The comment had its effect on Mapi, as she gives me a disapproving look. She knows I told Lucy. At the same time, she should have known that was the case. A little cold sweat breaks out when she looks back at Lucy again. She almost seems embarrassed.

- It’s not that, it’s... Well-...

Her distress is evident in her eyes. Fortunately for her, Alexia comes to her rescue.

- We just wanted to have a night with friends, you see, Alexia interrupts. We’ve never had the chance to do one since we’re never together.

I bite my lip as I see Lucy raising her eyebrow seriously at Alexia’s intervention. Knowing her better now, I immediately relax. I was afraid she might react negatively, but I quickly realize she’s just teasing them. She often plays on her influence, and it’s very amusing to watch. I’ll never know how she manages to stay so serious every time. It’s something I could never do. Her serious expression slowly turns into a smile, making me burst out laughing.

- It’s fine, relax, Lucy finally laughs with me. Do you really think I’d stop her from going out? I’m not her mother, I’m her girlfriend, remember?

The girls’ faces are priceless. It’s funny that they always ask for Lucy’s permission. They still see her as my school chaperone. They haven’t yet understood that Lucy clearly distinguishes between the two relationships, and it will never be the case.

- But the night needs to be decided so we can plan, okay? Lucy adds while running her hand through my hair.

- Yes, Commander, I tease.

She rolls her eyes with a little smile.

- I’m going to Jenni’s, she finally says.

She kisses my cheek before heading off in her direction. I linger on her before turning back to the girls, who seem really uncomfortable.

- Forgive us, it’s just that we always feel like she’s the one calling the shots, Alexia apologizes first.

- I assure you, she lets me live my life fully, I giggle. If that wasn’t the case, I’d let her know.

- Okay, so when would be a good time for the girls’ night?

- Probably in the next few days. Joan is coming, so I’d rather avoid having him with us or leaving him with Lucy, I say with a shrug.

- Really? Joan is actually coming? You managed to call your mom?

- Just about. It was hard to convince her because she wanted us to come instead, but she finally agreed.

- That’s awesome! Alexia exclaims. So, you’re staying?

- Well, yeah, I laugh. We weren’t going to leave when you’re all here. Joan will probably come on Wednesday, but it would be best for us to have this girls' night over the weekend.

- We could do it tomorrow night. It’s Saturday. Saturday night is fun, right?

- Yeah, Alexia agrees. Jen told me she hasn’t done anything with Lucy in a while, so it’ll be a good opportunity for everyone to go out.

- We’ll check with them then, I say.

- Hey girls, are you coming? Beth calls out to us. It’s time to leave.

- It’s funny that it’s the latecomer calling us, Mapi jokes.

She nudges her playfully before they head off together, joining the others in laughter. It’s amazing how this trip has brought everyone closer. As for me, I’ve spent a lot of time with the four girls and Jenni. That girl is great, and I’ve learned some stories she shared about Lucy. It seems she was very protective of her and still will be if necessary. It’s good to know she’s surrounded like this, though I often wonder why. From what I know of Lucy, it’s hard to believe she needs it. Other than her, I’ve also talked a lot with Beth since she loves art, but also with Aitana during the evenings we spent together. Lucy was never far when one of her friends approached me, and I’m grateful for that. She has a good understanding of my anxiety, so I’m glad. Speaking of Aitana, she’s the last latecomer before we finally head out. We were very lucky with our cars. Since we barely used them these past few days, they were all covered in snow. Fortunately, the staff noticed and offered last night to clear them before our departure. Now that we’re in front of them, the result is really there. They’ve cleared everything, both on top and around. We decide to keep the same seating arrangements as on the way, which suits me perfectly.

- I’m still sad, I confess to Lucy while Jenni loads the car.

- We’ll come back, I promise, she chuckles.

- Hmm... But we might have to wait. Our next trip will be somewhere sunny.

- Are you going on vacation this summer? Alexia joins our conversation.

No. With the work at the gym, we won’t have time, Lucy replies. We’ll probably go to my parents' place during the next school holidays.

Lucy brought up this idea to me this week. I wasn’t particularly thrilled, but I couldn’t really say no. She had already met my mother, and she herself agreed to come back with me when I asked her. She admitted to visiting them twice a year: once during the end-of-year holidays and the second time during the summer vacation. Unfortunately, this year the second visit won’t be possible. Since she’s leaving her job to open her gym with Jenni, it goes without saying that they will have a lot of work on their plate this summer. When she told me about it, I expected her to say she wasn’t going. However, she promised them that she would come during the April holidays, so she can’t back out now. At first, I thought she just wanted to warn me about her departure, but in reality, I quickly realized that she wanted me to accompany her to introduce myself. I clearly panicked. It was sudden, and Lucy is older than me. Her parents must expect things different from mine. I don’t even know myself how we’re going to move forward after school, and I’m not in a hurry to find out, to be honest. All I want is to take my time. I was almost ready to say no to her, but she then explained that her parents have been worried since Keira’s death. Understanding Lucy’s desperate state, they had asked her to come back to Portugal, but Lucy categorically refused. She explained to me that she didn’t want to do that, that it would have been like taking ten steps back in her life. According to her, she had gained her independence by coming to Manchester and she had learned to love this city. It was because of this event that their project with Jenni truly came to life. If all this hadn’t happened, they would have waited before starting their own business. However, it was apparently the only thing that convinced Lucy’s parents to let her continue living in UK. Lucy managed to hide from them that she felt lonely and destroyed, and instead, she was determined to continue her new life. I felt bad hearing these revelations. I didn’t like knowing she was feeling so badly. Her solution to cope was Camp Wiegman. She confessed to me that it was her best way to heal. With this job, not only was she able to make money, but also, she managed to forgive herself for not being able to save Keira by helping other people in distress. It’s crazy that we could have met this way, but I’m so happy that her presence has been woven into my life.

- Yes, that’s exactly what I thought, that’s why I was asking, Ale continues with a smile. It’s cool if you can leave before! And where are you coming from then?

- From Portugal.

- You too? she wonders, knowing that I am too. Wow. Two Portuguese together, then, she giggles.

- Oh yes, Lucy laughs.

- It’s true that it’s a good idea to come back, Jenni says, closing the trunk. It’s been a long time since we did that with everything that’s happened.

- It was you who didn’t come back with me in December, Lucy replies. But if you want, you can come with us, Lucy offers. We will definitely leave the first week of the April holidays, but that remains to be confirmed.

- That would be cool! I agree. I would feel less alone, I joke.

- So yes. Know that Ona is really scared of meeting my parents, Lucy teases, making me blush.

I was panicking too. After what she told me, she never introduced someone after Keira. I can imagine that I would be the center of all their attention to ensure that I wouldn’t harm their daughter. In itself, I can’t blame them. I would have been the same and that’s what terrifies me.

- Well, at the same time, there’s a lot going on with Diane, Jenni laughs. Does she at least know that you have someone new in your life? It’s been a long time since you introduced someone to them.

- Since Keira, she murmurs. They don’t know about Ona yet, but I was planning to tell them over the phone in the next few days.

- I feel like you’re going to get a good scolding, she mocks. How long has it been since you called them? Knowing you, you’re still avoiding them like the plague, right ?

- Oh stop it. I avoid them much less than you avoid yours. I call them every weekend since... Well, every weekend except last weekend. She might have noticed that I’m hiding something from her, and I didn’t want to tell her about Ona right away. Anyway, did you know that your parents asked about you? she smiles amusingly at this news.

- Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me, she grimaces. But with all the organization and everything, I was pretty busy. That’s why I’m saying that maybe I should go back there, she giggles.

- You’d better call them more often, she scolds.

- You’re not in a position to preach to me. Start by telling her about Ona. You should know that the sooner the better. They’re just waiting for you to come back with someone.

- Hum, hum, she rolls her eyes.

- Hey guys, Aitana calls out to us, interrupting. Are we good to go?

Yeah, we’re good, Jenni confirms. Let’s get going before we get yelled at again, she tells us with a little laugh.

- That would be the height of irony since we were always the first this week.

We laugh as we get into the car. As on the way, we take off our jackets to be more comfortable, and Jenni hurries to turn on the heater. After Jenni checks the other cars, she opens the road as it’s still us who have the GPS. I look back with a slight pang, but I forget it very quickly the moment Lucy rests her hand on my thigh.

- Anyway, in all this, Ona, I confirm that you have reason to worry, she jokes. Diane will be relentless with you, believe me.

- Hey, Lucy replies upon seeing my face. She’s already quite panicked like that. Don’t make it worse. I would have preferred if you reassured her.

- Do you want to know the truth? she asks me.

- Because that wasn’t the truth?

- Yes, she laughs. But what you really need to know is that Lucy’s parents are adorable deep down. They’re just worried about her, so they’ll simply make sure that you deserve her. To do this, you’ll certainly have to go through a very thorough questionnaire, and they’ll definitely check your background—

- Jenni! Are you out of your mind?

- What? We both know they’d be capable of that, she snorts. No, seriously Ona, knowing you, they’ll adore you once they get to know you, believe me.

Lucy sighs before resting her hand again on my thigh. Looking at her now, I almost feel like she’s more stressed than me about this meeting. Maybe if she wants to take me right away, it’s to do it as quickly as possible like Jenni said earlier? I won’t hesitate to ask her. Anyway, I would follow her to the other side of the world if necessary. She has already done so much for me, so I wouldn’t hesitate to return the favor. However, it doesn’t change the fact that I’m totally panicked and if it were up to me, I would have gone back to Barcelona to spend my days studying for my exam.

- Everything will be fine, OK? she finally tells me. It will be the rest of the world against the two of us, in any circumstance.

This sentence may be cliché—and I hate it so much—but coming from Lucy, it's just adorable. I link my hand with hers and bring it to my lips to kiss the back of it.

- I know, I murmur before taking a deep breath. Anyway, you’re going to come with us too, right? So maybe they’ll have other distractions since it seems like Jenni hasn’t come back in a long time.

My subject change ended up easing the atmosphere. We laugh under the groans of the driver of the car.

- The worst is that she’s probably right.

I smile, staring outside. After all, it’s not really a bad idea this vacation. I’m going to have to face her parents sooner or later, and I’m happy to return to Portugal. It’s been a while since I last set foot there, me too. I miss my country. Maybe I’ll ask her to stop in my city as well...

Friday, February 19; 9:30 PM - Manchester.

I can’t take it anymore. I’m literally exhausted. In a good way, of course. Since it was mealtime upon our return, we all stopped at a pizzeria again to grab a bite. It’s been about an hour since we ate, and we’re now chatting. Most of our conversations are about our stay. Unlike in the Alps, there’s no more snow here, but it has been transformed by rain. Lucy told me she got used to this city, but I still wonder how. Maybe the weather will warm up now. I blink several times to stay awake. I try to follow what’s being said while being completely slumped over Lucy. A little more and I’m lying on her.

- Do you want to go home? she whispers to me.

- Hum, hum.

I shake my head, sinking into her neck. I don’t want to ruin the evening because of me. Everyone still seems to have their heads in the living room. We've done so many things that there's a lot to talk about. Lucy kisses the top of my head, holding me close.

- We’re going to go home.

No, I mumble.

- "Yes, let's go home," she giggles. "I don't exactly want to carry you all the way to my apartment."

- "I'm fine," I mumble. "I'm not that tired..."

I try to sit up, but she firmly keeps me against her.

- "You're allowed to be tired, babe. We've had a long week."

I smile at the thought. We definitely had a long week. Between parties, hikes, and activities, I don't know where my head's at anymore. Lucy had promised we'd go sledding, and that's what we did yesterday on our last day. Afterward, we stopped by a chalet for hot chocolate and ended the evening in the pool. It was the perfect way to unwind one last time. I didn’t expect to be this exhausted, though. There were nights when we didn’t get much sleep, but I should be used to short nights by now.

- "Alright, everyone," Lucy says to the others. "Any volunteers to drive us home?" she asks.

- "We’ll take you," Jenni teases. "We’re falling asleep too."

Eventually, everyone agrees to head back. I was surprised to find out it was already nearing ten o'clock. Suddenly, I didn’t mind going home. I thought it was much earlier. I struggle to get up, barely managing to stay on my feet, which seems to amuse Lucy.

- "It’s not funny," I mumble with a small smile.

- "Do you want me to carry you?" she teases.

- "No, and stop mocking me," I complain.

- "Oh, by the way, we didn’t get a chance to talk about the girls' night," Mapi says, approaching us.

- "You can talk about it tomorrow. She won't remember anything tonight," Lucy laughs.

I groan again, giving her a gentle push. Bad idea. Not only does she barely move, but I also stumble. Without another word, Lucy lifts me into her arms, making me let out a small cry of surprise. It was the last thing I expected her to do after joking about it. I smile as I relax against her, no longer finding the strength to protest. It takes just a few minutes for sleep to take me.

Saturday, February 20; 3:00 PM - Manchester Supermarket.

I sigh for what feels like the hundredth time as I push the cart. Whose idea was it to do the shopping the day after a vacation? Especially on a Saturday. It’s packed with people. This isn’t exactly how I imagined getting back to normal life. At least I got a good ten hours of sleep last night... I could’ve easily slept ten more.

- "I’m sore all over."

- "Are you done complaining? You've been doing that since you woke up," Lucy teases.

- "I’m sleep-deprived. I don’t really understand why you volunteered us to do the shopping. The others volunteered too. We could’ve spent the day on the couch!"

I’m starting to think it was a mistake to agree to this evening so soon. I should have known that with Mapi, everything would need to be meticulously organized, and that’s exactly what happened. This morning, during breakfast, she called me bright and early. Before her call, Lucy had confessed that she wanted to bring it up last night, but I fell asleep before she could. Mapi didn’t hesitate to remind me, teasing me about it. I laughed it off, so I can't really be mad at her. It’s something that’s never happened to me before. Then again, we didn’t get much rest during the vacation. We scheduled the girls’ night for tonight. I would have preferred to move it to tomorrow, but Lucy and her friends will be heading to The United while I’m out.

- "I’m starting to think I should have let you sleep in that restaurant last night instead of carrying you. And to think I said I wouldn’t do it."

I gasp, lightly hitting her arm.

- "It’s not my fault I was completely exhausted. You would’ve dared?"

- "Hmm... I would have if you were acting like you are now. You wanted this girls' night tonight, so own it."

- "Listening to you, it sounds like you're not too thrilled about it."

- "Don’t put words in my mouth," she sighs.

- "Then what? Are you going to say it’s my fault again? I consulted you, and we didn’t really have a choice since you’re also going out to your bar."

- "That’s not what’s bothering me right now."

- "Then what? Are you going to blame me for agreeing to a girls’ night? Did you not want me to?"

I ask, feeling a bit panicked. What if that’s it? I barely consulted her, but she said it was fine yesterday. At least, it seemed like tonight worked for everyone since she’ll be out with Jenni and Ingrid while I’m with the girls.

- "Of course not. It’s not about the night out. It’s you making a fuss about these groceries that’s irritating me. That’s all."

- "Well, the others could’ve handled it. Mapi and even Ale offered to help."

- "We needed some groceries anyway. Besides, Jenni’s going to start working solo on our room, so I owe her since she’s already doing a lot. And as for the other two, I don’t trust them with the shopping list. You know what I mean?"

I swallow the words I was about to throw at her. I’m such an idiot sometimes. I should know by now that most of her decisions are well thought out.

- "Sorry," I mumble. "I get it now, but I was just expecting we’d spend the day on the couch, so I’m frustrated."

- "It’s fine, I know. We’ll have time for that too. I promise, babe."

- "Yeah, well, I’m afraid we won’t have much time left, you know? Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had a chance to relax?"

- "Are you going to tell me you regret last week?" she challenges, raising an eyebrow.

- "Of course not... Alright, have you finished contradicting me just to change my mind?"

Lucy laughs as she continues filling the cart that I’m pushing. Some of it’s for us, and the rest is for tonight, as she mentioned earlier. We’re staying at Jenni’s apartment, so we needed to buy stuff since she’s low on supplies too. We decided to make pizza, so we bought what we needed, as well as some drinks. In the end, I’m glad we’re taking care of it. At least I know what we’re buying, and if it helps the others out, then all the better.

- "Nope. It’s actually pretty funny," she teases with a small smile. "Anyway, how about we grab some things for a movie night tomorrow, hmm?"

I was about to pout, but Lucy knows just how to talk to me to avoid that, it seems. I nod enthusiastically.

- "That sounds tempting, for sure."

- "We can finally finish the Harry Potter series after all this time."

- "You’re the best."

- "Alright, let’s finish these groceries then. We’re almost done."

Now that I look into the cart, I realize that Lucy had already started picking up stuff for tomorrow. I smile, amazed at how she always manages to distract me. It’s incredible.

- "Hey, you’re not really mad at Mapi, right?"

- "Why do you ask? I thought everything was settled."

- "I thought so too. It was just a question based on your remark yesterday. She blamed me for talking to you," she giggles.

- "Oh. I was just joking. I thought you guys understood that."

- "I did. I just wanted to make sure now that we’re alone."

- "Mapi is your friend, Ona. Like I said before, we’ve settled our differences. As long as she stays honest with you, I’ll appreciate her."

- "Even if she makes me drink tonight?"

- "Well, I’d rather not talk about that."

I laugh, knowing exactly what she’s thinking. She really doesn’t like it when I drink. Keira must have really left a mark on her in that regard.

- "I’m kidding. I promise it won’t be a wild night. Alexia didn’t seem to want that, and with what you picked out, I doubt we’ll get drunk."

I say, glancing into the cart. There are mostly beers, two bottles of low-alcohol liquor, and some soft drinks. I don’t think we’re at risk of getting drunk with this.

"And what do you plan to do tonight? Do you have any plans yet? »

My smile widens. She just can’t help but be curious. Even though she told me this morning, and just repeated, that she didn’t want to know anything about tonight.

- "I have no idea. We’ll probably talk a lot. Anyway, you’ll be looking for me tonight, so there’s no risk of anything happening to me, right?"

- "Don’t be so sure. If I find you drunk, I’ll make you run beside the car on the way home to burn off the alcohol."

I burst out laughing. The craziest part is that she really would do it.

- "Well, we’ll try to avoid that, huh?"

- "It’s up to you to avoid it, sweetheart," she replies with a wink. "Come on, let’s check out. When we get home, we can prepare the room for your brother, get the snacks ready, and finally relax. I’m starting to get tired too."

- "It’s about time," I giggle.

- "What can I say? I guess I have more stamina than you," she teases.

- "Yeah, well, not all of us are as athletic as you," I retort with amusement.

- "True," she smiles. "But even the best can get tired."

- "What nonsense! I never said you were the best."

- "I don’t need you to say it. I know it myself, and that’s enough," she boasts.

I laugh, giving her shoulder a gentle push. Her smile widens, making mine grow too. She’s joking when she says that, but she probably doesn’t realize how true her words are. She’s such an amazing woman, and I feel like she doesn’t even see it. I can’t wait to get home and hibernate on the couch with her.

[k9wa]

𑣲 PALPITATE. ft hakkai shiba.

⠀ —when hakkai busting his bike leaves him stranded and vulnerable, both at the hands of public transportation and a girl who can't take a hint.

⠀ or

⠀ — two virgins who lack any social skills are forced to share the same bus route.

⚠︎ fem!reader, no referring pronouns used, hakkai and you are so terribly fucking awkward, lot's of sillies.

MONDAY MAY 2ND, 2006.

what was it about public transportation that was so god damn confusing? i mean, sure, the concept is simple, find the bus you wanna get on and you know, get on it. 

until you take into consideration all the factors in between which, for everyone's sake, i won't bore you with. save for two.

not only had you deemed public transportation your sworn nemesis, but now you were battling it in a city you’d never stepped foot in.

actually, there was someone in a similar situation to you, also (temporarily) struck by the punishment hammer that was being forced to bus everywhere while his motorcycle was in the shop. the day you met hakkai shiba was the first day you had to take the bus to your new part-time job across town. you approached him while he leaned lazily against a sign, displaying a small cartoon bus with a number inside it.

“um— excuse me?” hakkai felt his bones go stiff at the feminine voice that called to him. 

“sorry to bother you, i was just wondering, uh, is this the bus that go….” 

he didn’t get to hear where you were trying to go as his brain did its absolute best to tune you out. meanwhile, you waited patiently for a response.

…a response that the tall boy in front of you was really taking his time preparing. all while he kept perfectly still and facing forward.

“…um—excuse me…?” 

had he not heard you? 

“…hello?” 

was he just ignoring you? sure you understood not wanting to talk to someone, but a simple nod of his head would suffice, no?

“sorry— i just really need to know if this is the right stop to get on.”

hakkai didn’t move.

“um, i start at a new job in less than an hour? i can't really afford to get lost right now.” you chuckled uncomfortably, hoping to ease the tension.

nothing. it was as if you weren’t even there.

“…anything?”

nope.

“blink once for yes??”

your hands drop to your sides, all you received was more nothing. his eyes didn’t even twitch.

“i’m—i’m just gonna try the stop down the road.”

hakkai couldn’t bring himself to watch from his peripherals as you walked away from one of the most awkward situations of your teenage life.

away, and to the wrong bus stop.

TUESDAY MAY 3RD, 2006.

the next time hakkai saw you was actually the very next day, after your first encounter with him. around the same time, as well.

turns out, you and he would be sharing a bus route until the youngest shiba’s bike was fixed and ready for riding again.

lucky you! 

you nearly threw yourself into the traffic beside you when the same guy from yesterday was back at the stop. the stop you learned the hard way was actually the right one. 

you trudged up beside him, leaving an awkward distance between you while he was sitting on the bench, and you opted for standing to the side of it.

“…sooo, turns out this was actually my stop, haha.”

you desperately tried to talk to him again, hoping to prove to yourself that he wasn’t really ignoring you as bad as you’d hoped the day before.

he didn’t answer.

“i um— got on the wrong bus yesterday. ended up all the way in roppongi? i think that’s what it was called, anyway.”

answer. say literally anything oh my god i’m begging you.

“pretty cool area, i'd never been before. silver lining, right?”

you turn to look at him, he’s pale as a ghost.

“youuu uh, ever been? to roppongi?”

….no response ever came. you clear your throat.

“awesome, cool, cool.”

this was gonna be a long week.

WEDNESDAY MAY 4TH, 2006.

back at the bus stop you stood, almost shoulder to shoulder with the same boy who you tried almost everything to pry a word out of the last two days.

tuesday night it dawned on you, what if he just…couldn’t hear you? maybe he had some kind of hearing impairment! it would be pretty shitty to assume he was just blatantly ignoring you if that was the case, so, wednesday afternoon you tried again.

“um, hey.”

you looked beside you to the stone face that was becoming unfortunately familiar. he didn’t answer.

so, like any sane person would do, you poked his arm.

hakkai audibly gulped, but continued to keep his eyes on the scenery in front of him.

“…hello? anyone home?” 

you poked him again. hakkai started to sweat rather profusely. it was a good thing he couldn’t see the way your brow furrowed at the physical cues that he indeed did know you were there.

“okay, what gives? are you just like– really not talkative or something?”

you’re a fool for waiting patiently for some kind of acknowledgement. hakkai was frozen in place.

“...seriously? nothing? not even telling me to shut up or– or leave you alone or something??”

you stomped your way in front of him, and finally reached a hand up to wave it in front of his face. 

“just one word! one word and i'll never speak to you again. swear it.”

hakkai, to everyone’s surprise, didn’t move, his eyes dead set straight. the waving and begging went on until your bus came to a screeching stop behind you.

maybe tomorrow.

THURSDAY MAY 5TH, 2006.

hakkai truly was beginning to mourn having an unlimited form of private transportation. not only did he hate the crowded seats of the bus, or quickly grow tired of the schedules ruining his chance to stay with his friends or gang members late that week, but hakkai had also convinced himself you were one more day away from just deciding to punch him square in the gut.

you absolutely were, by the way.

it’s not that he didn’t feel bad, but c'mon! anyone who knew him knew that yuzuha was the only girl he could talk to, it wasn’t anything against you personally.

it also didn't help that, you too, were completely socially inept. i mean, who keeps trying to make conversation with someone after finding out they’ve been actively ignoring them? anyone else would have just, y'know, moved along. 

you being pretty, like, really pretty wasn’t helping his case much either, but he couldn’t bring himself to think about that for longer than a millisecond before he turned red.

thursday, you didn’t show up for the bus. hakkai waited, watching the side of the sidewalk you would normally arrive from, but you never showed. 

which, in theory, should have been elating for him. it was a day where he could take a much needed breather, where he could comfortably arrive home without clammy hands or sweat beading down his neck.

it was…a little disappointing. not that hakkai necessarily enjoyed making a fool of himself (or shutting off all his senses to avoid that from happening,) but he couldn’t deny that your antics were… funny? to him? you were kind of an idiot, but in an endearing kind of way.

hakkai hoped to see you at the stop tomorrow.

FRIDAY MAY 6TH, 2006.

friday marked the end of the week, alongside the end of hakkai’s journey as someone who regularly relied on the public transport system. tomorrow morning, he would pick up his bike, and bring her back home where she belonged. balance would be restored.

you, however, were dreading leaving your home.

the day prior, you had the luxury of getting a ride to work from a friend, putting an ease to your mind and it’s swarm of thoughts regarding the very tall, very well sculpted, very pretty, very well kept–

the guy at the bus stop who wouldn’t pay any mind to your existence even if it meant his damn life was on the line.

he was an idiot, you were sure of it. not only was he stupid, he was rude! you ended up nearly stranded in another district because he couldn’t even spare you a nod of his head!

who cared that he was pretty? who cared that he had some of the best bone structure you’d ever seen in person, or that he was already standing at 183 cm at an age you assumed couldn’t be far from your own? he sucked!

…okay you cared. you had a thing for him. it was utterly humiliating. all you had done was run around poking (literally) and prodding at him for the last week, all because you didn’t know how to properly say “hey, i wanna talk to you!” or “hey, why are you ignoring me?”

that, and the curiosity of what could be causing him to pay such little attention to you was genuinely driving you up the wall. you digress. today, you would make it right.

you finally arrived, i shouldn't have to mention where by now, and were relieved to see the familiar blue buzz-cut. relieved alongside cursing god for making it so you actually had to speak to him again. you slowly took your spot to his left.

“...hey, um–”

you played with the strap of your bag.

“sorry if i’ve been on your nerves or anything this week, realised i was bein’ kinda overbearing.” you chuckled and looked up at him, not surprised at the lack of feedback.

“i just moved here? and everything has been going pretty south for me, but i didn't mean to take it out on you or anything.”

hakkai’s jaw was clenched, but staying true to himself, he didn’t answer.

“anyway, sorry again. hope the rest of your day goes alright.”

hakkai clenched his fists together, sucked in the deepest breath he thought he'd ever taken, and before the bus rounded the street corner, he spoke.

“..sh..ba…h..kai…” it was shaky, and it was spoken through his tightly clenched teeth, but he managed.

“...p–pardon?” you did your best to keep your eyes from widening and having your shock spread across your face, but it was a feeble attempt. hakkai turned his head in the opposite direction, away from you.

“..shiba…hakkai..” he mumbled again, but the second time was thankfully more clear. 

it quickly became your turn to stare straight ahead of you, unable to form some kind of answer in your head. you had been so damn talkative before, too.

the bus came to a rusty stop in front of the two of you. only then, were you able to mutter your name in response to him. one painful week later, you finally had an introduction.

maybe hakkai would keep taking the bus home even after picking up his bike. only sometimes, though. baby steps.

⠀ 𑣲 MASTERLIST / GOT A REQUEST ?

[dotster001]

My Drowning Heart

Summary:Azul x gn!reader Azul helps you down from a depressive episode.

CW: This is based on my personal depressive symptoms! If this is concerning or distressing to you, please do not read! We all have different ways of coping and that is okay!

A/N: Azul/Octotrio was most requested when I asked, but I have saved the other suggestions so when I have my next depressive episode wave of inspiration, I'll go there next.

Vil's Version

One week.

That was how long it had been since anyone had seen or heard from you or Grim. After sending Jade to…ahem….interrogate various students, a couple people had spotted Grim in the kitchen or right outside Ramshackle, but aside from that, nothing.

He was definitely starting to sound desperate in his text messages to you. The current chat record read as follows.

Sunday 8:32 am

Good morning. One of our servers has called in sick, would you be willing to fill in? Your services would be fairly compensated.

Sunday 10:29 pm

It is not like you to ignore my job offers? Did you get yourself into some trouble? We can help you out, at a lovely discount.

Tuesday 3:15 pm

Your friends say they haven't seen you in a couple of days. Is everything alright?

Wednesday 9:10 am

I must admit I am beginning to feel some concerns for your absence.

Wednesday 12:15 pm

Is everything alright?

Thursday 3:20 pm

Floyd saw Grim this morning, but he rushed back into your dorm very fast. Is everything okay? If you've been kidnapped, delete this message and send two smiley faces.

Thursday 3:25 pm

That wasn't my best idea. If you're reading this, kidnapper, I can negotiate. I can make you a deal you can't refuse.

Thursday 4:39 pm

My patience is wearing thin. You have 24 hours.

Thursday 5:05 pm

Give me back my Y/N!

Friday 8:00 am

Grim if you have their phone please delete my prior messages. Some specialty tuna will be waiting for you upon your return to class.

After finding out from Idia that he couldn't delete his pathetic messages without your phone, he took a good hard look at himself, and realized all the texts showed his deep concern for you. 

So, swallowing his pride, he decided to investigate at the last known location of Grim. Ramshackle dorm.

He arrived, making a polite knock. Nothing. He knocked again. Nothing. He began pounding on the door with his fist. A wide eyed Grim opened the door.

"Good afternoon, I'm looking for your other half," Azul said, calmly sidestepping around Grim, and beginning to make a beeline towards the stairs.

"What are you doing here? You're not welcome, sketchy octopus…"

"I'm here because I'm concerned about Y/N. It's alright if you don't want me to see them, but are my fears correctly founded?"

Grim froze for a moment, his eyes flickering to the stairs then back to Azul.

"They…they said they were tired and it would pass soon. Don't worry about it."

Azul raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, fine, I don't believe they're just tired. They don't leave the bed except to take care of me, and even then they don't take care of themselves. So I gotta get em food or they won't eat."

"Have they," he stuttered and adjusted his glasses to hide his pink cheeks, "Have they communicated or messaged anyone?"

"No, they only opened their phone to turn on a video, and they keep watching the same three videos over and over. Ace called three times and Y/N ignored all three."

"Hmph," Azul muttered to himself. He then pulled out a can of deluxe tuna. "There's more of these waiting for you in the VIP room. I'll take care of things from here."

Grim looked doubtful, and Azul sighed.

"Believe it or not, I am not an utterly heartless creature. I have grown concerned for the prefect's well being. Now go get your tuna, and I will have them back to a normal state in no time."

Grim's eyes wandered up the stairs again, and he put his paws on his hips.

"Okay, but if they are broken when I return, the Great Grim won't hesitate to avenge his henchhuman!"

And with that he scampered out of Ramshackle. Azul took a calming breath, then proceeded up the stairs, until he heard a low volume video behind one of the doors. 

"Good afternoon, prefect," he said quietly as he peaked in. He was met with your tired, confused, eyes. 

"Azul?" You croaked out, before looking down at your phone and wincing. "Fuck, I gotta get Grim his dinner."

"I've already taken care of that," he said sitting down on the bed. "Tell me, how are you?"

"Tired."

"That's all?"

"Yeah."

"Hm," he pursed his lips, before nodding to himself. "Tell you what, I will pay to fix the second floor windows, if you get out of bed, and take a shower or a bath."

You groaned, before putting the pillow over your head.

"I'm too tired to shower."

"I'll fix all the windows."

"That's not gonna make me less tired."

He massaged his temples, before sighing heavily.

"I will get the shower ready, pick out a new set of pajamas for you, and brush your hair after. All you have to do, is get in."

"And get clean…"

"You don't have to if you don't want to. Just getting in will help you a lot. If you're not up to getting clean, that's alright, start with an attainable goal."

You groaned before, "Fine. Tell me when the shower is ready."

"As you wish."

He stood up, found the shower and got it running, making sure the temperature would be reasonable for a human. He then whispered a spell, causing the shower to have the calming scent of lavender.

He retrieved you, and walked you to the bathroom, before returning to your room to tidy up while you sat under the water. He'd never been in your room before, but he was certain it wasn't usually this…uniquely decorated. Two bags full of trash later, he changed the sheets, brought you that new set of pajamas, and set to work finding your hair brush. He also procured a large glass of water.

After you were dressed, you reentered your room.

"How was it?" He asked, genuinely hoping you were feeling better. 

"I used some body wash on my torso," you said, not making eye contact.

"That's great! That's a huge start."

You mumbled under your breath, but he cut you off.

"No really, that's great. I know how hard it is to take care of yourself…" he trailed off before more of the forbidden lore came up. 

You gave him a small smile, before looking around the room. 

"Did you clean? It looks great."

"Naturally," he smirked. "Now have a seat, I'll brush your hair out."

You sat down and he handed you the glass of water.

"Drink all of this while I brush your hair," you groaned, but he cut you off, "I mean it, prefect. You need to make sure you stay hydrated."

You sat down with a pout, and slowly began to drink the water as he got to work detangling your rat's nest of hair. He paused for a second.

"Y/N," he asked softly, after noticing you were drifting off. "Is there something you're supposed to be taking?" 

You stiffened, before nodding.

"I can talk to Professor Crewel about getting you something, if that's alright?"

You nodded again, and he resumed brushing your hair.

"It's too quiet," you whispered at some point.

For a moment, he wasn't sure what to do. What could he do or say that would drown out the voices in your head? 

"My love, my love, my fearless love, I will not say goodbye."

He began to sing softly under his breath. He knew his voice was exceptional. He just hoped it was good enough for you.

"Sea may rise, sky may fall, my love will never die."

Your shoulders relaxed, and you set the empty glass to the side. He finished your hair at the same time. He came around to the front of the chair, and knelt before you.

"Have you eaten today?"

"Yeah, Grimmy got me a big lunch. He's a good boy," you said, eyes tearing up a little.

"I'm not strong enough for him. I can't even go to class. How am I supposed to function in the real world?"

Oh shit. You were crying now. After a second of hesitation, he wrapped you tightly in his arms, and allowed you to cry on his shoulder. As the crying began to  lessen he whispered,

"I'm sure a lot of people tell you this, but I swear to you, it really does get easier. And one day," he inhaled sharply, holding back his own painful memories, "One day, this will just be a moment in your past that you look back on when you are thinking about how good your life has become."

"You promise?" You sniffled.

"I'm so certain, that I'll make a contract with you that you get all my money if I'm wrong."

You laughed a little, then sighed.

"I'm tired."

"Are you tired or tired."

"I'm actually tired," you said with a half hearted smile.

"Alright, I made up the bed for you, so you can lay down if you want."

He helped you into the bed, tucked you in, and made to leave when you grabbed his wrist.

"Can…can you stay with me?" You hesitated, before rushing the next part, "you don't have to, I just…"

But he was already removing his jacket and tie before getting in with you. He wrapped his arms around you and snuggled in.

"Like that?"

"Yeah," you said, looking flustered, "like that."

Your eyes fluttered shut, and pretty soon your breathing evened out. He was starting to drift off himself when he noticed your phone sitting on a side table. All his messages to you came rushing back to him. He slowly started to work himself out of the bed. Or he was, until you whimpered and tightened your grip on him in your sleep.

He sighed to himself. He supposed he could indulge in this moment now, and delete the messages tomorrow. Though he couldn't help but hope that when you were better, he could have this opportunity more often….

....

Post Note: The song I referenced in this piece and in the title. It's on my mermaid's playlist so when I was trying to decide what our merman would sing, I thought it was perfect!

[definitionsfading]

we finally got power back around 3pm today (Tuesday) after losing it in totality this past Wednesday night (October 9th) when Hurricane Milton hit Florida, so I finally feel like I can start to return to normalcy in life again, thank god

there's so much to kinda like, Process, and I sound like a nutjob because it obviously wasn't even *that* bad compared to what the people in asheville are still going through. actually weathering the storm is only like 20% of the trauma though, it's the aftermath that really strung me out lol

my personal home didn't get damaged or flooded, thank god, but many of the homes around me took tree fall damage and some of my local haunts and roadways are still partially underwater. shit was no fucking joke! cleanup is going to take months, if not years. it's the nature of taking a hit from a storm of this magnitude but it never feels easy when it happens. the loss of electricity, flushing your toilet with a bucket of water from the bathtub, sleeping in total dark and silence other than a candle flickering, walking around a pitch black house with a flashlight, eating meals out of cans, feeling exposed to the world around you. it's kinda primal in a way?

for me the main issue was the fact that we live in hot-ass Florida, and with the power knocked out my mother insisted on us sleeping with the house WIDE the fuck open at night for air circulation. windows, sliding glass doors, everything. our fenced in back yard did take some wind damage, so part of the fence blew over flat and anybody passing on the roadway beyond the water behind us could shine their headlights directly onto our house. it was just incredibly eerie feeling so exposed like that, especially knowing that criminals take advantage of the power outages because they know they won't be caught on camera. I would keep waking up in the night at the slightest sounds. anybody who wanted to walk into our house fully could have done it. I'm just glad we weren't singled out as a target for theft.

there was also a big issue with the cats being outdoors in the storm aftermath. I was supremely stressed out with the fence being down, because any wild animal, dog, or person could waltz into our back yard and hurt the cats. there was one night where I got up to pee around 1:00 in the morning and I heard a cat screaming outside, and I literally flew out the back door in my goddamn Birkenstocks, ran through the hole in our fence, and bolted AROUND the water behind the fence without falling or tripping to try and find the cat that I thought for sure was being eaten by something. it turned out it was two stray cats fighting near the fence line of the adjoining subdivision lmfao 🙃 and my cats were all safe at my house and patio area. but I didn't know that! you're living in a pitch black world, there are no street lights, no house lights, nothing. no stars because of the cloud cover. it was just me, adrenaline, and a fucking flashlight.

anyway, it's mostly over for me now, and I know I'm lucky we weren't caught up in the freshwater flooding. I just had to vent a little bit and stress how paranoid and anxious a weather event like this can make people. I know many of you have likely never been through a major hurricane in the same way I have never been through something like a blizzard or a tornado, but for empathy's sake. here is my casual testimony lol. fuck global warming dude

[pixel-percy]

☕ Matthew Murdock's favorite barista happens to be his next-door neighbor & is now his girlfriend. They just can't get enough of each other. ☕

Monday | Tuesday | Wednesday | Thursday | Friday | Saturday | Sunday

☕ Word Count: 2.1k ☕ Music Vibes: Seven by Jung Kook (feat. Latto) ☕ Warning(s): Smut (thigh riding, referenced piv) & some dom!Matt ☕ A/N: Soft dom Matt, soft dom Matt --continues chanting-- I like to think Matt doesn't like to be overtly mean as a dom. He'll be firm enough to tame his bratty little reader, but won't be mean. Had fun writing these dynamics~ Enjoy!

Wednesday

Your name left Foggy’s mouth, a greeting of sorts, as he held the door to the Nelson & Murdock office open for you. The drink holder in your hands teetered a little when you balanced it on your arm, grabbing a coffee with his name on it and presenting it to him. There was a briefcase in his hand which indicated he was headed out.

“The coffee queen hand delivering the lifeblood of Nelson & Murdock,” he said and took it gingerly, a practically orgasmic look on his face when he smelled the concoction you’d brought.

“I also brought refills for the coffee machine,” you added. “My special mix, of course.”

“God,” he breathed. “I swear if you ever break up—” Foggy points the coffee cup at each of you. “She gets your office, Matt.”

You heard his chuckle from said office and you did the same.

“Fair trade, I’d say,” Matt added.

“Mmhm,” Foggy said, taking a big sip from the coffee cup. “I’m out! You two behave! Karen fixed the fax machine once this month, she’ll be mad if she has to do it again!” Foggy called, voice trailing down the hallway, and you hit the door with your hip. It closed softly.

“Karen gone too?” you asked. The heels of your boots were loud against the floor, placing Karen’s coffee on the reception desk before turning back toward Matt’s office.

“Yeah, she’s doing some research at the paper for one of our cases,” he answered.

When you entered with the final two drinks, your eyes scanned the desk. It was covered in transcripts in braille, likely more important than you could ever know, and he had a single headphone in that was connected to the laptop beside him.

“How long has she been gone?” you asked. It was an innocent enough question, you thought. 

Despite Matt having walked you to work early this morning, a shared kiss outside the door of your unlit coffee shop, you missed him. It felt like a juvenile feeling, high school or college, an eight-hour workday away from the man that captured your mind, body, and at times you thought, your soul.

You offered Matt’s coffee cup to him and he took it easily, no facade for those who were normally in the office. He leaned back in his chair, relaxed, and opened his legs a bit. You resisted the urge to sit on his thigh, instead propping yourself up onto the desk in front of him.

“Not long, maybe thirty minutes?” he said. The coffee cup tilted as he brought it up to his lips for a taste, slow, knowing your eyes were on him. Your legs crossed as a reaction, thighs pressed tightly under the longer skirt you’d picked from your closet this morning. “Why do you ask?”

“Curious,” you responded, a little quicker than intended. He hummed, taking another sip from his cup before he balanced it on the knee opposite of you.

“ Why ?” he pressed, voice a little more stern. Your jaw clenched, heartbeat quickening, and you mentally cursed knowing he’d be able to tell. Almost as if on cue, a smirk crossed his lips. “Use your words, angel.”

A sigh left your lips.

“I dunno, I thought maybe we could, you know—” Matt’s hand slipped under the material of your skirt easily, fingertips running along your skin and yielding goosebumps. They wrapped around your ankle, gently coaxing your legs to separate.

“Words,” he reiterated.

“We could... fool around?” you asked, a little breathless. The coffee you’d brought for yourself sat unattended beside you.

“I don’t think I can today,” he said. Matt’s fingers, however, said otherwise as they pressed into the fabric of your underwear, a satin, no-edges pair that allowed him to tug at the fabric protecting the heat of your entrance. Your breath caught a little.

“Matt, please,” you gasped.

“Not right now, but later…” His finger ran from the bottom of your covered folds to the top, lingering on your clit. You couldn’t help the small defiant, frustrated sound that left your throat and, just as he pressed into the sensitive nub, he pulled away. Your body practically lurched from the desk in search of his touch.

“Matt—”

“No,” he said, bringing the coffee to his lips nonchalantly. No meant no, you just couldn’t help but feel a little letdown. It was your doing. “Don’t make that face.”

“It’s just a little unfair to work me up…”you muttered.

“Unfair?” he asked, a bit of surprise and sass in his tone. “Did I not take care of you this morning, angel? In the bath last night?”

A flush of red flowed into your cheeks, embarrassed that your need for him was driving your tongue. You should've walked away��kissed him and invited him to your bed later that night. That would have been the better option, instead here you were a horny little demon for your horned lover.

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” you tried, but Matt shook his head.

“No, no,” he said and returned the coffee cup to his knee. “You want to cum right?”

You swallowed a little hard at his tone. It wasn’t mean but it was a different level of stern that you hadn’t heard from him until now. Matt was the more dominant of the two of you, but he was soft in the way he went about handling you. Every time his hand wrapped around your neck or he moved you around or restrained you, it was done with careful pressure and thought. You’d let him do practically anything to you.

You nodded hesitantly.

“Words,” he repeated, head tilted up to you. The red of his glasses was lighter, sun peeking into the open blinds of his office and hitting them at the perfect angle.

“Yes,” you confirmed.

“Yes, what?” he practically whispered, a seductive undertone.

“Yes, daddy, Daredevil,” you whispered back, a little playful. He chuckled, but his smile was a bit more cocky. Matt lifted his empty hand and used his index finger to request you closer. You obliged, boots touching the ground as you inched toward him.

“You’re being a bit of a brat today aren’t you?” he asked. You bit your lip a little and watched his fingers find the material of your skirt again to lift it up, up, up. He pulled you by the fabric, legs separating naturally until his thigh was underneath you. “Sit.”

Slowly, eyes on his face the entire time, you lowered yourself onto his thigh, thick and muscular like many other parts of him. The material of your underwear pressed to your core once you were fully pressed against his dark slacks.

He leaned in, lips inches from yours, and said, “This is all you’re going to get right now. Take your orgasm, but I’m not gonna help you this time.”

With that, he leaned back, the hand that had been on your skirt going to his side and the other bringing the coffee back to his lips. You were stunned, unable to find the words for how taken aback you were… but also how incredibly turned on you felt. Your eyes narrowed for a second, a knowing smirk on his lips, and it just made you warmer, wetter, between your legs.

You said nothing and, instead, placed one hand on the opposite thigh and the other on his shoulder to balance yourself. Matt allowed it and leaned back as much as he could to watch while he nurtured his coffee.

Your eyes were on his face as you started a rhythm. You’d never done this before so it was a difficult task to accomplish at first, a little awkward in your movements, until you hit your clit by accident. Then, you repeated it. A slow drag, back to front, front to back, and pressing your clit into his thigh every time.

A soft breath left your lips, a whimper, and your pace gradually quickened. Your senses were on fire. The cologne you were starting to get used to felt like flames in your nostrils, the silence in the office—a place anyone could walk into at any time—and the sun through the blinds heated your already-warmed skin.

Matt hummed again, a delicious sound, when he saw your movements stutter. Surprisingly, you were already close to your destination, but the pain in your legs was hard to ignore. You stopped for a moment, resting on his thigh. If it had been hours, you wouldn’t have known, lost in the moments of riding him. Matt didn’t say anything as he watched you. If anyone were to know if you’d cum or not, it would be Matt Murdock, so, he waited. 

It took you a minute to muster the energy to continue and, by the time you found your rhythm again, Matt had finished his coffee. He placed the empty cup on his desk and surprised you by bobbing his leg up into your core. The motion made you moan loudly.

“Quiet, angel,” Matt warned, voice still low. “You know the rules. This is still a business.”

Oh, you knew the rules. You were pretty sure you’d both broken them at the same time you broke the fax machine. It was hard to not remember you both loudly gasping each other’s name when your breasts were pressed against the machine and he was practically flush against your ass every time he thrust into you.

You leaned forward, chin hooked over his shoulder, and let out a long sigh that evolved into a soft moan. Matt shifted a little underneath you—his erection was pressed into the material of his slacks and hitting your thigh with every forward thrust you made. Everything in you wanted to ride him properly, but you didn’t want to press him further today.

So you continued.

Matt’s, now free, hands graced your hips but he didn’t do anything to aid you, just like he’d said. It was enough to keep you going though. After an undetermined amount of time, the build-up you felt in your core finally erupted, and the orgasm you’d been chasing flowed through you. The sound you let out was a bit louder than intended but you pushed your mouth into his button-up in an attempt to stifle it.

“Atta girl,” Matt said, voice back to being fond. His hands rubbed your back to bring you down to Earth as gently as possible. There was a long pause during your comedown but eventually you did and leaned back again to look at him. The smirk he’d donned at the start of this ordeal was replaced by that soft smile you adored. He reached up, fixed a couple of loose strands of your hair, and gave your hip a small pat. “Feel better?”

“Mmmhm,” you managed.

“Good,” he said and placed a kiss on the arm you’d put back onto his shoulder. “Oh, by the way, what are you doing Saturday?”

“Uh, nothing as of right now?”

“Want to be my plus one to a fancy party one of our clients is throwing?” he asked.

“Do I have to wear a fancy dress?”

“A dinner dress, if you’re comfortable, or a suit, doesn’t matter to me.”

“I suppose,” you said, wrapping your arms fully around his neck.

“You suppose?” he asked. There was a tiny lilt in his voice. “Already being bratty again?”

“Mmmm,” you grumbled.

“If you’re good for the rest of the day, nice and patient, I’ll bring back the good takeout tonight—” He pressed his lips to yours for a kiss, luscious on your lips. “From that place you like—” Another kiss. “And do that thing with my tongue… And hands—”

Matt paused. Your eyebrows furrowed.

“Karen and Foggy.”

“What?”

“They’re about to open the door.”

You got to your feet immediately, straightening out the fabric of your outfit the best you could. Matt adjusted himself as well, his bulge very apparent in his pants, and a prominent dark spot on his thigh where you’d been sitting. The slick feeling you had in your underwear seeped into the fabric and you wondered if anyone would truly notice…

Before you could formulate any solutions, Matt reached up and grabbed the coffee you still hadn’t touched. Just as the door opened Matt tilted the cup until the contents landed on his leg and let out an exclamation that startled you. Your hands went up to your mouth in surprise and a snort-like chuckle left you.

“Damn it,” he said loud enough for his associates to hear.

“You okay, Matt?” Karen asked, expression concerned.

“Ah, yeah, just a bit clumsy,” he laughed. God, you could get on your knees right now. Matt turned to you, name leaving his lips in a slightly pitiful way as he played into this ‘helpless’ klutz routine. “Mind getting me some paper towels, please?”

“Yeah of course,” you said. You made your way out of Matt’s office toward the bathroom in the hall, hiding your flushed cheeks and smile behind your hand as you passed a potentially unconvinced Foggy and a confused Karen.

[recurring-polynya]

Writing/Art Update 10.16.2024

I keep meaning to do these on Tuesdays and they keep leaking over onto Wednesdays. Oh well. I'm going to keep striving for Tuesdays because I really don't want them leaking onto Thursdays.

Anyway, Bleach Returns! Week is over and I'm pretty happy with how I did. I got 4 artworks and two fanfics done: you can see all of my contributions here. I do have a little bit of Bonus Content to one of them that I am still hoping to finish up, but we'll see. I sort of lost my momentum entirely the minute I finished up that last fanfic, so if I don't get back to it, it won't be the end of the world for me.

I'm spending this week trying to get caught back up on stuff, both irl and online. I'm working on my ao3 inbox, which got woefully behind again, for which I am very sorry. My Tumblr drafts are also...substantial...again, but that's no one's problem but my own.

I am finally ready to actually get ready to work on a little in love again. I even looked at my notes and outline! The outline was a lot more filled in than I remembered it being, but I also somehow expected to get through act iv in 9 chapters which seems a little...spare to me. I took a break from reading Pride and Prejudice because my hold on The Goblin Emperor came in at the library, but it was worth it because I loved it and it was also Relevant to The Vibe. I keep trying to convince myself that I don't really need to re-read the first three acts of alil, but I am pretty sure that I do. I think I should finish up P&P about the same time I get the inbox taken care of, so that ought to line up pretty well.

I currently have about 8500 words from the last time I tried to work on this story, in various states of ready-for-primetime-ness. Sometime between now and next week, I hope to get sort of a baseline established so that I can start doing wordcounts again.

Oh, yeah, wordcounts. I have a spreadsheet where I keep track of how much actual writing I do (vs posting, which is what ao3 tracks and often isn't actually indicative of when I did the work). For the last two years, I have written about 110k per year, and I thought I had been doing pretty good this year, but it turns out I am only at 90k at the moment, so I would really like it if I could get at least another 20k by the end of the year. That seems pretty doable except for the fact that my Decembers are always shit, but maybe this one will be different! lolololol

I am really proud of how much drawing I have done recently, because I hadn't really done very at all this year. I'd like to try and keep that momentum, even if it's just doing a bit of a scribble every day from my art club prompts. Who knows, we'll see. I always found the banners for a little in love to be incredibly fun to do, and I'm looking forward to the possibility of making a couple of new ones.

[davidpwilson2564]

Bloglet

Monday, September 9, 2024

Hear of the death of James Earl Jones. 93. Remember doing that gig with him in which he narrated Copland's "Lincoln Portrait." That mellifluous voice. Nice man. A real pro.

Read in the Times about the "Trump Train" case in Texas. A group of Trumpsters (I remember reading about it) in pickup trucks, Trump flags waving, ran the Biden/Harris bus off the road when it was on its way to a speaking engagement in Austin. We later learn that this buch of yahoos thought Kamala might be on the bus. They were thinking, obviously, that this would highly amuse His Orangeness. This is low, like throwing dog shit on a Black family's lawn. I hope the perpetrators are rounded up and have to serve time.

Tuesday, September 10, 2024

Comes, then, the day of the debate. I fully anticipate Trump's being a jerk.

Beautiful day. Run errands. Return to the apartment heavily laden.

Evening. The debate. As we guessed, Trump is a jerk. No fact checking...lies and more lies... Kamala holds her own. Afterwards I channel surf. CNN has some praise for Kamala. I go to Fox. They have high praise for Trump, say he was outnumbered (that same horseshit about non-Fox people being unkind to the Boss). There can't be a level playing field when the Democrats are involved. They cheat. So in the spin room there is much talk about "three on one." Trump was outnumbered...

Odd...that Trump brought up the immigrants eating of local's pets. Dogs, cats...David Muir steps in...this is a lie he won't allow. And the lie about abortionists killing babies (after they're born!)...a typical Trump refrain that only MAGA people will buy. Another good one...that Trump knows nothing about the lengthy 2025 document.

Rumors of a second debate. I don't see the point. Leave it alone. I am thinking (as I've said before) if Trump wins he'll be a lame duck. And he'll be old. One day the Trump era will end. I hope I live to see it.

Happy to hear that Taylor Swift (I don't know a note of her music) has endorsed Kamala.

Wednesday, September 11, 2024

Waking from those wacky dreams (again!) realize that I've overslept. Turn on the TV. The reading of the September 11 names. Oh...it's been twenty three years. What a horrible day that was. And, truth be told, I was going through a terrible time...making things worse.

Turn on the TV later...they are still reading names. Very sad occasion.

At the ceremony: Bloomberg standing between Trump and Biden.

Later: Trump declares himself the clear winner of the first debate. Says there is no need for further debating.

Further talk re Haitian migrants eating the pets of locals in Springfield, Ohio.

Very long walk in the afternoon. Weather really quite nice.

Waiting to hear from my son, who has promised to hook up a new printer. Lately I have been buying the Times just to do the crossword. An extravagance...

[ireceived-p8250000]

January 12-18, 2014

Sunday, January 12

Driving practice continued as usual. Marvin said I needed to take theoretical driving lessons, which I promised to do after this term. After the fallout with Apollo, it was nice not to think about it and pretend I was a good person again.

Monday, January 13

The start of classes brought a mix of nerves and excitement. I took Physics with the older batches; the class was almost dissolved but luckily wasn’t. Mansoor enrolled in that class, so we’re classmates now, thank God. We sat far apart to avoid the temptation to chat. After Physics, I attended Humanities, and in the afternoon, Psych Assessment. I renewed my locker contract and got a new set of keys. There was a meeting about upcoming seminars, planned for this Friday, and leadership training scheduled for Saturday.

Tuesday, January 14

My Spanish class started at 8 AM, right after my morning jog. It went well. Then I attended Social Science and Social Psychology. I was quite nervous about the instructor for SocSci because I was expecting someone from Social Sciences. But it turned out to be Madame Consuelo, which was a relief. I haven’t seen him and hope I won't. All those kisses, sweetness, and seductions weren't lingering anymore. It felt like I was cured. Later, we had Biochemistry, which I could tell was going to be fun.

Wednesday, January 15

Same routine as Tuesday. Physics classes are really something. I posted items for sale on Facebook. I decided to start working from 9 PM to 1 AM and during breaks to make extra money. I’ll figure out how to study later. Maybe I was punishing myself for what I did.

Thursday, January 16

Confirmed the details for my Spanish classes. In the afternoon, I had to attend a seminar, which took up most of the day.

Friday, January 17

The organization had a meeting to plan the Senior's gatherings and events. It was productive, but there's still a lot to do.

Saturday, January 18

I slept at 3 AM because of my workload but still woke up at 8 AM to attend classes. It's only the third day, but it feels like we've covered two weeks' worth of discussions.

[clarisse0o]

Camp Wieman - Part 14

Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle

Alternative Universe : Military School

Word : 5k

Masterlist

———————————————————————

Saturday, November 7th; 8:45 AM - Ona and Alexia's Room

I stretch in my bed when I realize that I won't be able to sleep any longer. I had already been tossing and turning for a good ten minutes now. I sigh as I see that it's not even nine o'clock on the radio alarm. This school is definitely changing me. It's Saturday, and I'm still stuck here. It's not such a bad thing if I think about what's waiting for me in Barcelona. My week went relatively well if you forget about my tardiness on Tuesday and the interaction with my teacher on Wednesday. I understood that Bronze didn't like it and wanted to punish me with this weekend. It only takes her disapproval for me to stay here. I also started catching up on my lessons in her office after my classes since Thursday. She's depriving me of a good part of my free time.

Well, at least I'm not alone this weekend. I learned that Bronze is also staying. We had dinner together last night and even ended the evening watching a movie. I had stupidly suggested it and was surprised that she accepted. She must have pitied my boredom. I realize now that I fell asleep during the movie and here I am alone again. She must have put away my laptop because I can't see it anymore. I don't worry too much about it and take my phone from my bedside table to check social media. I quickly get bored and decide to put my phone away and get out of bed. Too bad the rules remain the same on weekends. I never tried to take it outside since there are always at least two instructors staying. Today, one of them is Bronze, so I'm even less likely to take the risk.

I dress in jeans and a thick sweater. It's starting to get cold outside. The sun has disappeared for a few days, leaving clouds and a cool breeze. Needless to say, I'm not used to it! I brush my teeth and finish with some makeup and a brush through my hair. Before leaving, I make my bed neatly and put on my military jacket. I've grown accustomed to this jacket. It's practical and not so ugly if I wear it with regular clothes. It gives a certain style. Luckily for me, breakfast is served until nine-thirty on weekends. I have plenty of time to go. I hope to run into Bronze along the way... It seems I'm not lucky because I end up eating alone.

I go looking for her right after, as she told me she didn't mind spending the day with me. It's always better to be with her than to stay alone in my corner, twiddling my thumbs. Knowing her, she's already awake. I look in all the places she's likely to be. There's no sign of her presence. I even risked knocking on her room without permission, but no one answered. All that's left is her office... It's with relief that I finally find her there, deeply engrossed in paperwork.

- Hey, Bronze.

- Oh, hi Ona, she replies, looking up. Finally up?

- Finally? I chuckle.

- From what you told me, you don't get up early on weekends.

- Normally that's the case. This is the first time I've managed to sleep this long.

- I told you you'd get used to it quickly, she smiles. I came by your room around eight, but you were still asleep.

- Oh, sorry about that and for falling asleep last night too.

- No problem, she giggles. You needed the sleep.

- Can I stay with you?

- Of course. I won't be much longer.

I smile and quickly sit down across from her desk, on the chair that has become my spot. I watch her work and realize she's busy. I didn't know she worked on weekends too.

- By the way...

- Hmm? she responds without looking at me.

- I never had the chance to thank you for my birthday gift, so thank you. You're really crazy! What you bought me is expensive, but it made me really happy. How did you know it was my favorite gear?

- I didn't know, she smiles, looking up. I just asked the salesperson for advice and he recommended it. I'm glad you liked it. Have you used it yet?

- No, I haven't had the chance yet, but I brought it here since I didn't have anything else. Maybe I'll start using it one evening when I'm not too exhausted.

She nods before returning to her papers. I don't dare disturb her anymore seeing her so focused. She scribbles on each sheet, then flips it over to start the next one. I hadn't immediately noticed, but she's not wearing her uniform. It's the first time I've seen her in her own clothes. She's wearing a white shirt that suits her perfectly. It’s quite different from her camouflage jacket. Her hair is down in a naturally wavy style, very pretty. It's so strange to see her so... normal. She knows how to present herself. The few pieces of jewelry she wears complete her outfit perfectly. She manages to be both classy and chic. I notice her jeans fit her well when she stands to get a binder from the cabinet. My eyes widen when I see her heels. I didn't think she was the type to wear those shoes. I suppress my expression when she turns to me and frown when she hands me the binder.

- Since you're here, would you mind helping me? I need to make another stack.

- I guess I don't have a choice.

- You can say no. It just saves you from waiting around twiddling your thumbs.

- Well, you could have come up with a better argument. You're lucky I was going to say yes.

I take the binder from her hands. She sits back down and gives me the stack she just finished. I file them away without needing her instructions. I know how to do it from doing it so often. Meanwhile, she starts on the next pile.

- So, you managed to sleep longer? she brings the topic back.

- Yeah, my first "lie-in" in this lousy place, I replied, mimicking air quotes.

- Watch your language, she scolds me harshly.

- Oh, you can't argue...

- Yes, I can.

I roll my eyes, preferring not to respond. She won't let me have the last word, even though I'm sure she doesn't think any less of it since we discussed the school and Sarina with Leah and Engen. She doesn't like the new rules imposed on them, but she enforces them anyway. I'll never understand her.

- Do you have any plans today? she changes the subject.

- No... Maybe I'll take the opportunity to open a book.

- Hmm, too bad for you then... she smiles slyly.

- Why? I frown.

- I had something planned, but since you're busy, I won't disturb you.

I look at her, bewildered. I feel like she's teasing me. She should know I said that because that's what I would do if I had nothing else to do.

- Go ahead, propose.

- No, too late, she teases.

Since when does she act like this with me? I want to smile, but mostly, I want to know what she's thinking.

- Come on! Tell me, Lucy.

I try to stifle a smile as she raises an eyebrow. It's the first time I've used her first name since I learned it, and I wanted to see her reaction. I'm not disappointed. It's strange to call her something other than Bronze or commander.

- Don't call me that here.

- There's no one around, I roll my eyes.

- That's not a reason. You never know who's around.

- So, can I call you that elsewhere?

- No, she replies, making me smile.

- So, what did you have planned?

- I never said I was including you.

- You implied it!

- Until you told me you were busy.

- Oh, come on! You know very well that I'm bored here and that's why I said that!

She ignores me and continues her work with a smile on her lips. Damn... I think she's going to leave me in suspense. I hide my frustration to avoid her mocking me. To pass the time, I quickly finish the work she gave me while she finishes hers. Luckily for me, she finishes quickly. I watch her as she puts the binder back in its place and rummages through one of her desk drawers. I'm puzzled when she pulls out some keys.

- Come on, get up, let's go.

Her words catch me off guard. I stand up from my chair without asking questions. She locks her office door and looks around, as if to make sure we're alone in the hallway.

- You don't need to get ready? she asks, eyeing me.

I frown, not understanding why she's asking that. I shake my head. She smiles and dangles some keys around her finger.

- Why are you showing me that?

- Promise not to tell anyone?

- Tell what, Lucy? I ask, making her roll her eyes at the use of her name.

- Do you have any special desire today?

- I don't know. Why?

- I think it wouldn't hurt you to go out a bit after everything you've been through.

I remain silent, finally understanding her intentions. She wants us to go out?! I don't even dare ask her directly for fear of being disappointed.

- You realize you're going to break all the rules by doing this?

- If you prefer, we can stay here.

- Are you kidding?!

- Then shut up, she smiles. There are few staff members on camp this weekend. We can slip away without any problem, but I need your utmost discretion.

- Promise! I quickly reply.

- Good, let's go now then. We don't have much time.

- Not much time?

- Ingrid is handling the reception for an hour. Same for tonight, she informs me, looking at her watch. We have fifteen minutes. Come on, move!

Even Engen is in on this? I don't know if I should laugh considering the moral lesson they gave us again on Wednesday night. I quickly follow Lucy, heading towards the parking lot. We find her beautiful Audi... I'll never get tired of it! She asks me to duck down until we're out of the camp. I chuckle. I feel so ridiculous doing it, but it's for a good cause. I only sit up once we're past the reception where Engen wishes us a good day. We thank her, and then Bronze speeds through the streets. I start to recognize the road leading to downtown. I might be wrong, but it seems like that's where we're headed.

- So, any special desire? she asks again, pulling me out of my contemplation of the scenery.

- Why are you doing this? Why take me out of camp?

She glances at me. She shrugs.

- Actually, I don't know, she admits. I think you deserve it after your involuntary withdrawal and all that. Plus, I saw your dejected face when I told you you couldn't go home. I understood that you needed to see something else.

- Thank you... I murmur.

I lower my head and nervously play with my fingers. She must have noticed my change in behavior because she places her free hand on my shoulder.

- Hey, I didn't mean to make you feel bad like that.

- It's not that, on the contrary, I say, smiling timidly.

She removes her hand to shift gears. We don't talk anymore. We've just arrived downtown and we're already caught in traffic.

- I feel like I'm important to you, even if that's not the case, I say. It feels good to be taken care of like you do.

- You are important.

I look at her without hiding my surprise. She keeps repeating that I'm a student like any other. How can she say something like that now? She contradicts all the words she's upheld until now. She sighs, running a hand through her hair. I think she just realized what she said.

- What I mean is that you intrigue me. It's clear that you have a past you don't accept. I sense that you're not comfortable in your own skin, and that drives me to help you. I'll always respect your privacy and boundaries, but I enjoy learning about who you are, Ona. Plus, I have to admit that I also enjoy the little game we've set up between us. Many people, including myself, think it adds some cheer to the camp.

Her words sound so sincere. I don't know what to say or what to think. She must have sensed my discomfort because she changes the subject.

- Yeah... Anyway, it's eleven o'clock. I thought we could do a paintball session for an hour, she suggests. Then, we can eat wherever you want.

- Really?

- Yeah, and for this afternoon, we can still discuss it. I know several cool places we could go to.

- Paintball, then...? I murmur. Do you want to take me down or something? I joke.

- The idea is quite appealing, she says with amusement. But it could go both ways. We'll have a private field just for us.

- Seriously?

- Yes, I know the owner. Are you interested?

- Obviously! Like I'd miss a chance to beat you!

Her laughter makes me smile. This day is likely to be one of the best of my life. She takes the first opportunity to exit the main road to avoid the traffic. We continue driving for a few minutes before she parks in a lot. I observe the building, which looks like a warehouse with its metal facade. Lucy leads the way after grabbing a bag from her trunk. She seems to know the place well. We enter, and the decor takes my breath away. Everything is black, even the ceiling and floor. It's truly stunning! I linger on the fluorescent tags on one of the walls. They are very realistic and really beautiful. Lucy must have noticed my distraction because she calls out to me. I hurry to join her at the counter, where a man with an impressive build is standing behind it.

- This is Beth, a friend of mine, she announces.

- Hello.

- Hi, Ona.

She caught me off guard by calling me by my name. Bronze must have introduced me... or talked about me. I timidly return her smile. She seems amused by my shyness. At the same time, she is very impressive. I'm surprised by their friendship. I must be judging her by his appearance. She seems nicer than she looks.

- Well, you know your way around here, huh? she laughs. I'll leave you to it; you know the way. I've reserved room 3 for you.

- Yep, thanks.

- Have fun!

She winks at me. Lucy rolls her eyes and pulls me along with her. We arrive in a sort of locker room next to room three. I don't even know where to look. I'm really into the decor that is the same everywhere. I linger on every new drawing I see.

- Ona, are you listening to me?

- Huh?

- You're impossible, she mocks. Do you like it here that much?

- Totally! Have you seen the drawings everywhere? They're really beautiful!

- Get changed instead of daydreaming, she says, handing me a jumpsuit. I took the liberty of grabbing some clothes from your wardrobe this morning, she informs me. You need to be comfortable for this kind of activity.

I didn't even notice she took anything. I must have been sleeping soundly to not hear anything. She hands me my gray joggers and a black t-shirt. I feel like I'm back at camp.

- Even here, you're still giving me orders?

- Well, yes. Why would that change? After all, it's up to you if you want bruises.

I've never played paintball, but I've heard that it can hurt if you get shot from too close. Bronze is a regular here, so she must know what she's talking about. I get into a booth without complaining to put on my clothes, then the jumpsuit over them. It's so thick that I wouldn't be surprised if there's a bulletproof vest in there. I finish with shoes that look a lot like the boots I have at school. When I come out, I find Lucy equipped and loading our guns. A smile spreads across my face. I can tell I'm going to have a blast... Who hasn't dreamed of being able to shoot at a teacher at will? It's kind of the same thing here. She's not my teacher, but she's still my superior, my mentor, I'd say.

- Need help? I ask.

- I've got it, don't worry. Yours is ready.

She points to the gun on the bench. I pick it up and check that it's really loaded. You never know, maybe she wanted to cheat! I watch her skillfully load hers. She must come here regularly, it seems. We put on our gloves, and before we leave, she adjusts something on my outfit by zipping up my jumpsuit to my chin.

- It's uncomfortable and I feel suffocated like this, I mumble.

- But it's for safety, so you're going to leave it like that.

I roll my eyes but say nothing. We finally leave the locker room, which she locks, and head to our room right next door. My lips part as I take in the environment. I don't know where to look. This place is just getting better and better! The wall colors are still dark, but the lighting makes the room perfect. Small spotlights illuminate strategic areas without blinding us. We are on a height and can see the many walls covered with artificial foliage. The decoration is a mix between a maze and a battlefield. If there weren't some fluorescent traces on the walls, you'd think we were in a real training camp. The large room is filled with background music. It's just perfect. I follow her down the stairs.

- Well, she pulls me out of my contemplation. We're each going to our side, she points to the two flanks. All hits are allowed, but obviously, avoid the head.

- Okay.

- And also avoid close-range shots. You may not know it, but it hurts like hell, she laughs. We could end up with bruises for a long time otherwise.

- Got it, Bronze.

- Good, she smiles. May the best one win!

I watch her disappear to her side before heading to mine. I try to get my bearings. I don't know this maze, unlike Lucy probably. I try to stay alert as best as I can.

- Damn it! I shout.

I start running to take cover from the first shot I just took. Lucy's laughter echoes in the room. How did she find me so quickly? She just kicked off the festivities! I managed to find a hiding spot behind the fake leaf nets. My hideout is so good that she passes right by me without seeing me. It's funny to watch her search for me while staying on guard. It's clear she's better than me, but I can be sneakier if I want to be. I don't hesitate for a second to press the trigger several times before running away so she won't spot me.

- Well played, she laughs.

The game continues for a good while. We're literally playing cat and mouse. I admit that I'm often the mouse... We're both covered in paint, though she definitely got me more times. I'm jealous of how easily she handles it. She's so skilled at anything that requires endurance and tactics. I'm lying on my stomach, crawling to avoid being noticed. I've continued my trickery, which has successfully countered several of her attacks. She just passed by me without noticing, and I'm currently trying to find her.

- Can you explain what you're doing?

I stop dead in my tracks. I roll onto my back to see her beside me, her gun pointed at me. Damn! She mocks my warrior stance from a second ago.

- I think it's time for you to surrender, she says amused.

- Never!!!

We both start shooting at each other until I run out of paintballs.

- Is this a joke?!

- You see, all the signs are there to say I've won and you should surrender.

- Like I'd give you that satisfaction, I laugh.

I cry out in pain when she shoots me in the thigh from very close. I curse under my breath, dropping my gun to rub my thigh where it hurts.

- Okay, okay, I surrender!

I see Lucy's face change from worry to amusement. We both laugh before she slumps against the wall next to me.

- And you're the one who told me not to shoot from close! I groan.

- Sorry, it just happened, I didn't mean to, she giggles.

- Tell that to someone else, I laugh.

- Are you okay?

- I'll just have a great bruise, but I'm fine.

- I have some ointment in the bag, it'll help.

We look at each other for a moment before bursting into laughter. I'd forgotten what it felt like to have this much fun. It's been a long time since I've smiled like this. We calm down, leaving a relaxing silence. She slumps next to me. There's just music in the background. It was really awesome. I briefly glance at Lucy and notice she's as euphoric as I am. It seems we both needed a moment like this. We forgot all our problems for a moment. I never thought I'd have a moment like this with her.

- Still, it was cheating... You have more training than me and you knew the layouts.

- I agree with the first point, but not the second. Beth changes the room layouts once a week.

- Damn, I thought I had an excuse...

- You did pretty well for a first time, she admits, which pleases me. Next time, we'll make teams with my friends if you want, and I'll show you how to better guard and hide yourself.

- Next time? I say, smiling

- Hmm, yes, why not. If the opportunity arises.

The idea is appealing. It would mean she'd want to spend more time together. I'd love that.

- I'd really like that.

She smiles back at me. We've made significant progress today. I feel her trust, and it's the first time she's suggested meeting her friends. I'd love to do that. Maybe I'll learn more about her true personality. I patiently await the day she'll want to open up to me like a normal person and not as my superior. I hope that moment comes sooner than I think.

- Can I ask you a question? I ask.

- Go ahead.

- It might be inappropriate, but... If one day I get a pass and you do too, could you show me around the city?

10

- Aren't you planning to go back home on your leaves?

- Yes, of course! I want to see my brother, but why not stay here once? I'd like to explore the city. I don't really feel at home in Barcelona anymore, I admitted.

- Do you think you'll like it here?

- I'm not sure. It's not necessarily the place I like, but the people. I said I wouldn't get attached, but I have to many people. Ale, Leah... Even with you or Ingrid, who I've started to find quite nice since the night we talked.

- I see, she smiled. Why not, then? I could host you for a weekend if you want.

- Really?

- Yes, but no one must know.

- I know, like today. I'm not that stupid.

- Well, she said, standing up. I don't know about you, but I'm hungry.

- Oh, yes!

My stomach growls to confirm my hasty response. I pick up my gun that I dropped earlier and get up with difficulty. I'm already dreading the soreness I'll feel tomorrow. We head back to the locker room, where Lucy lends me her famous ointment. I apply it when I'm back in the changing booth and come out wearing my clothes from this morning. Lucy is ready and is folding her jumpsuit.

- So, Ona, where do you want to eat?

- I'm really going to sound like a teenager... But I really want a good McDonald's. Is there one around here?

- Yeah, there's one right across the street.

- Yes!

Lucy helps me fold my jumpsuit properly, and then we head back to the reception area. Beth asks us how it went, and I tell her I'll be back. My answer seems to please her. We wish her a good day before leaving. The fresh air feels great. It was getting warm inside. Lucy wasn't lying when she said there's a McDonald's right across the street. I didn't even notice it when we arrived. So, we walk over. We order our meals, and she insists on paying for me. Actually, she didn't really give me a choice. That's when I realize I didn't pay for the paintball either.

- You don't have to pay for everything. I can afford it.

- Consider today a birthday present, then.

- You're really annoying! I grumbled. You've already given me gifts, and my birthday has long passed.

- Others would be happy in your place.

I grumble as I sit across from her at our table. She hands me my order since we only have one tray.

- Maybe, but I don't like feeling indebted.

- You don't have to feel indebted, it makes me happy.

I sigh, resting my head on my hand. I sulk, looking around for some distraction. There's no shortage of that in a McDonald's because there's always a crowd. Despite it being almost 1:30 p.m., there's still a lot of people in line at the counter. My eyes linger on a young girl who just walked in. She smiled at me right away. I smile back and allow myself to check her out as she continues to the counter. I must say she's quite attractive. I can't really do this kind of thing at camp. Not only are there not many girls to my taste, but I'm also observed by others. It's Lucy's throat clearing that pulls me out of my contemplation. I let go of my gaze to look at her. She has a smile on her lips and one eyebrow raised.

- Do you want me to help you, maybe?

My cheeks instinctively redden. This is what you call being caught red-handed. I wasn't discreet at all, and I feel embarrassed. It's not really like me to check out a girl. I still don't fully accept myself.

- I-... Um, sorry.

- You are way too obvious

- It's not what you think.

My cheeks heat up even more, uncomfortable with the situation. I

- No, sure, you totally weren't eyeing her.

- Shut up! This is getting embarrassing.

- Then own it, she smiled teasingly.

- There's nothing to own.

- Really. Your words make it clear you don't accept yourself.

- No, it's true. I don't, I broke down.

- I understand.

- I doubt it, I scoffed. No one can understand without having lived it.

I lift my head from my hamburger, faced with her telling silence. She continues to eat as if nothing happened.

- No, wait... Don't tell me you're a lesbian?!

- Okay, I won't tell you, she smiled, picking at a fry.

- No way! Seriously?

- Seriously.

She holds back laughter at my shocked expression. I didn't see that coming. I never would have believed it if someone else had told me. How can she say it so easily? To think I always talked about a guy when discussing her ex. She never corrected me. She probably didn't want to reveal too much.

- So, why don't you accept yourself?

- I don't know, I replied, shrugging. I consider myself as a lesbian the problem is I don't like the way people look at me because of it. I'm also scared of the reaction from those close to me... for what's left of them.

- But you already dated girls.

- Yes, obviously! Well, the first one to be honest... was Mapi...

- From what you've told me, you seem to have a good relationship. Why aren't you together anymore?

I sigh, running my hand through my hair. I hesitate. I don't like talking about myself, but even more so when it comes to my love life. On the other hand, she already knows a lot, and she just confided in me too. It makes me want to talk. I take a deep breath and gather my courage to answer her.

- Um, that's complicated too...

- You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to.

- No, no, it's fine... You know, I met Feli... I began, to which she nodded. I was still with Mapi at that time. It didn't take me long to fall into drugs after that. I completely changed and somehow pushed everyone away except Feli since she accompanied me through it all... I ended up cutting off all my relationships, even with Mapi, my family, or my friends. That's how we broke up, and I naturally got together with Feli afterward.

- I see. Do you regret your relationship?

- A little, but I can't blame her. I pushed her away. Besides, she's in a relationship now. I can't afford to ruin everything.

- That makes sense. How did you start talking again?

I hate interrogations, but I can't blame her for being curious. I'm the same way. My hand finds its way to my hair again.

- We have a little ritual... Well, I don't like celebrating my birthday. When she found out, we promised to be the first to wish each other happy birthday, no matter the situation between us. We've never broken that tradition since we met. She was surprised I answered her last year since I hadn't replied to any of her messages for a long time. So she took the opportunity to talk, and that's how she learned I was in a rehab center. When she found out, she wanted to support me, seeing that I wasn't pushing her away anymore.

She just nods, not digging deeper with her questions. I usually hate opening up, but with Lucy, it's different. Everything is easier.

- As for your loved ones, I can't answer that. It's up to you to decide when you're ready to tell them. As for the looks from others... she continues. I know it's not easy. It took me a while to stop caring. Eventually, I realized that no one has the right to judge a stranger. Everyone has the right to do what they want. It's our problem if we prefer girls.

- You're right, but it's hard to face...

- It's just a matter of time, don't worry.

I smile at her. I love how she reassures me in any situation. I also love how attentive she is to what I tell her. She shows me that she cares and will never judge me. That's why I like confiding in her. It's the first time I can do it so easily with someone. Normally, I'm always hesitant. Since my detox, I've realized everything she does for me. I didn't notice it before. I'm starting to trust her. After all, she understood from the beginning that all I needed was a bit of support. She was never intimidated by my attitude, quite the opposite. Even now, she continues to manage me and put me in my place when necessary. I can feel her influence on me. She's completely transforming me. Everyone around me, especially in Barcelona, notices it. Maybe I've finally found the person who will pull me out of all my troubles... The one who will make me feel better and become myself again. The road is still long, but I'm ready to move forward now.

[qemfd]

It rained today. It finally rained

Beautiful clear skies all over today, but you can expect some moderate rain from tomorrow afternoon through to Thursday morning...

It had stopped being a promise after a while. The same forecast, day after day, just became so much background noise

Rain tomorrow. And tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow; all of them stubbornly refusing to creep in their petty pace from day to the same. God. Damned. day.

-but you can expect some moderate rain from tomorrow afternoon through to Thursday morning...

Tomorrow afternoon. Thursday morning. Rain. After a while these things become idle fantasies, nothing more than daydreams slipping through your fingers

I used to make plans for what I would do if I ever made it to Wednesday afternoon. They changed according to my mood - the only thing that ever did change. Some days I would promise to put on heavy boots and go jumping about in puddles. Others I would dream of pressing myself against the window with a mug of steaming cocoa | tea | coffee | soup (delete as appropriate) and listen to the tempest beat against the glass. Or I would run naked through the streets and whoop for joy at the feeling of water breaking on my parched skin

But there I was, sitting in the kitchen when I heard the first drops fall fat and heavy against the glass, and there was no plan. My body rose without conscious directive, my feet padded to the door, down the hall, out onto the street, all without my guiding them. My mind was blank, my eyes locked on the grey of the sky outside

Grey. What a wonderful colour for a sky to be...

Without thinking, without making any conscious decision to move, I was outside. I was outside in the rain, too numb to run or jump or shout or do anything other than cry thick tears that melded with the raindrops when I tilted my head back to the sky

-you can expect some moderate rain from tomorrow afternoon...

Apologetic. A tone that spoke of misery and disappointment, of cumbersome umbrellas and of steamed windows on overcrowded buses. The weather forecaster had said nothing of the joy. The euphoria of feeling water carried thousands of miles through liquid and gas and liquid again to crash jubilantly against your skin.

The rain burned against skin that had been lost in the desert of Tuesday for so many years. The roar of the downpour flooded my senses until I could not hear where it ended and my laughter began. I did not dance in the rain, but it danced around me. In the sound of water bringing together heaven and earth I heard the song of linear time welcoming me home

Laughter turned into sobs. Huge, racking spasms that sent me tipping forward onto my knees, gulping in breath aperiodically. I couldn't control myself. I didn't particularly want to

"You alright there?" Bill Hargreeves was walking back from taking the dog out - one o'clock, same as yesterday and every yesterday that came before it. A creature of habit, was Bill, and the thought set me off laughing again

"Yes," I managed to choke out. "Thanks, Bill."

He looked confused. I don't think I knew his name on Monday. It was becoming more and more painful to laugh but I couldn't stop

"Something funny, is it?" he asked

I shook my head with a grin so broad it threatened to split my face in two. "It's raining," I replied. "It's raining today."

"So it is," he replied carefully, tugging his Staffie-Spaniel-cross as she tried to pull on her lead to investigate me more closely.

I laughed until the laughter turned back to crying, and then cried until the heavy, gut-wrenching sobs subsided into a cold saturation

I had not put on heavy boots. I had been wearing my espadrilles, the same ones I had worn on Tuesday. Force of habit. When I finally dragged myself up and staggered back into the house, the shoes were ruined beyond hope of repair. They won't be there tomorrow when I reach for them

There is a joy in that as well, the same kind of euphoria that I felt when the rain danced with me, but somewhat different. It has a sharper edge to it, this joy, as I look down at those dissolving shoes. The edge says: this is done, and it cannot be taken back or done anew

The deep sense of dread that settles into my bones is its own sort of joy as well

----

That moment was the best part of my day, because it was the only time I could forget that it was Tuesday

I dream now. I don't know if I dreamed on Monday, or any of the days before

I do know that I never dreamed on Tuesday. There was never any sleep, not truly. No sooner would I fall asleep on Tuesday evening than I would wake up on Tuesday morning with that single moment of blissful, groggy confusion

But in the nights since, I dream

In my dream - it is always the same dream - I am standing in a featureless space that goes on forever. In front of me stand tens... no, hundreds of thousands of people, all of them me

All of these versions of me have lived a different Tuesday. There is the one who got a tattoo from a drunk woman I met at a punk concert when I hopped on the train for London one Tuesday morning. There's the me who set fire to my house in the waning hours of Tuesday night in a desperate attempt to break the cycle. There are many versions of me who did not survive to fall asleep, and their bodies litter the floor among us

But I do not look behind me, in the dream

And, of course, there is a me out there somewhere who woke up on Tuesday morning after having gone to sleep on Monday evening and lived a perfectly normal day. I do not remember what happened on that first day. I suppose I probably went to work, came home, made dinner, then had an early night

I never look behind me, but I know that there are more there. They are those who came after me, who are still locked in Tuesday. I know, with that strange dream knowledge that does not necessarily come from anywhere rational, that if I turn around I would be able to see how long the loop really goes on. I would see what it was building toward; perhaps I would even come to understand what it was all for

----

I did not dream within the loop, but my recurring dream definitely started there. It was during one of my academic stints where I was searching for answers

Early on, perhaps only a year or so in, I had managed to charm the login credentials out of a doctoral student at the University of Birmingham who was visiting home for his mother's birthday. A day later, he had no recollection of ever meeting me, but I could use his credentials to access the university library. On the rare occasion that my research activity threw up any alarms that rescinded my access, I only ever needed to wait until Tuesday morning to start again

I had started with time travel, of course, but it turns out that reputable sources about the nature of time loops are few and far between, and utterly impenetrable for anyone without a postgraduate or even postdoctoral grasp of physics. By the time I had taught myself to this level - a task made slower by my inability to retain any physical notes or revision materials from one day to the next -, I realised that most of these sources were completely impractical for my situation, dealing with theoretical questions of perspective and identity that bordered on the philosophical

Next was neuroscience and the human mind, trying to figure out if there were some reason this condition was affecting me, but that was similarly fruitless. It turns out that applying the scientific method to understand human psychology is such a young science that the field is hopelessly lacking in general unifying theoretical foundations, let alone ones that offer specific insights into what can make a person relive the same day over and over and over again

All this to say I went through a few academic phases. In one I became interested in the topic of dark matter - more out of academic curiosity rather than any sense of a hopeful outcome, if I'm honest

It was during this phase that I stumbled upon a paper from 2012 by Dr. Priya Tandulkar on a phenomenon she termed 'recursive temporal folding' that could occur as the result of sufficient quantities of dark matter interacting with gravity waves

I was feeling impulsive at the time so I found her current email - she was now tenured at MIT - and sent her an enquiry about her paper, saying that I was a student with an interest in researching this topic for a PhD and would she have time to meet. She replied a few hours later:

Thank you for your enquiry and for your interest in the paper on RTF. I would be happy to meet with you but I am very busy this week. Would next Friday, around 1pm EST work for you? 

I replied:

Unfortunately I am unable to meet next week. I can really only do today.

Her response came five minutes later:

I see.

Then, another ten minutes:

Unfortunately my afternoon is completely booked. It is a shame that you did not contact me a few hours earlier. If you cannot do next week, please get back in touch with me to organise a meeting when you are available. For future reference, I will make particular efforts to accommodate if you tell me your supervisor is Esther Kiraly

Suffice to say that I was a bit of an expert in this topic at this point, but I had never heard of anyone by the name of Esther Király working in the field. A hurried search for the name found only a couple of obituaries, a gynaecologist in New South Wales, and seventy-six Facebook profiles, about half of whom were almost definitely bots

Nonetheless, the next Tuesday morning I sent Dr. Tandulkar a second introduction email, this time saying that I was a student of Esther Király and that I was interested in RTF

An hour later, she sent me a link to a Zoom meeting

"How do you know Esther?" she asked me

I had prepared a lie. I don't remember the details of it now, but I'm sure it was clever

Dr. Tandulkar studied my face as I spoke, and when I finished she asked, "Did I tell you her name? Yesterday?"

It was rare to feel surprise on a day where everything goes according to clockwork. I had almost forgotten what it was like at the time, and even now I can recall that electric rush of panic at the realisation that I was known

My fingers itched to slam the laptop closed and back away

"Yes," I said instead

"You're not the first person to get in touch with me over that temporal folding paper," Priya said later, after giving me permission to use her given name. "Esther contacted me a year after it was published."

"Who is she?"

"Esther was originally from Miskolc, a town in eastern Hungary near the Romanian border. Her son and his family emigrated to the United States in the nineties, and Esther followed them in 2009 following the death of her husband and the loss of her family home in the global financial crisis. By all accounts, Esther was a diligent home-maker who spoke very little English up until a Sunday morning in 2013, when she woke up speaking fluent English with a Queens accent, and had a strong interest in theoretical physics and gravitational waves. She phoned me on my home number at seven in the morning and asked to chat."

My breathing was simultaneously too shallow and too deep. I could not inhale enough air, and yet my lungs felt close to bursting

"What happened to her?"

"We discussed what was happening to her, she went to bed on Sunday evening, and she woke up on Monday morning."

Her words hit me like a freight train

"She got out?"

At the time the thought was dangerous. I had tried to delude myself into thinking I no longer hoped for escape, or that I was resigned to eternity. And with those three words I felt that fragile lie begin to splinter

"That was what she told me the next day, yes."

The universe split open. Stars jolted from their orbits into dazzling new constellations. I stared eternity in the face and watched it blink first

"But you should-"

I closed the laptop before Priya could finish her sentence

Esther Király had escaped. On her last day in the loop she had reached out to this woman and that had broken whatever grim trick the universe had decided to play on her. And now I had done the same

I did not sleep that night. My mind was a buzzing static of hopes and fears and doubts as I watched the clock tick down to midnight

-----

Five...

Four...

Three...

Two...

O-

You have only just met me, but I have loved you for a thousand years

I did not do much with my last Tuesday. I didn't know at the time that it would be my last. There were so many Tuesdays where I didn't do anything; whole weeks or months at a time where I simply never got out of bed, or where I got up and followed the half-remembered routine of going to work as though it still meant anything, or where I drank myself into a stupor with the grim certainty that I would never have to face the hangover

If I had known I think I would have come to find you. I would have explained everything, there in my Tuesday that I had played through so many times, where I knew every variable, every chance happening

You met me here, an hour ago. But I met you on Tuesday, in the pub across the road from your flat

"I'm stuck in a time loop," I told you after our second gin and tonic

"Like in Russian Doll?" you asked, no hint of scepticism about you

"Most people think of Groundhog Day."

You scrunched your nose and pursed your lips. "Is that the Tom Hanks movie in a prison? Never saw it."

I'm still not entirely sure if you were joking

I came back the next Tuesday, and the Tuesday after that. We talked until the pub closed, and then wandered through the streets through those lingering hours before the day reset at midnight

So much of who I am today comes from loving you. I taught myself Japanese because you said that you had always wanted to visit Tokyo. I learned to play the cello so that I could play you Brahm's Cello Sonata in E Minor, which your grandfather played for you on a gramophone when you were a child. My fingers never built up calluses from playing, so it still hurts to play even now. I threw myself into the study of amphibians, and frogs in particular, because they were your favourite animal

I hope that this does not come across as stalking. I am not the best judge of what is socially acceptable anymore, but know that I did not do these things to try to seduce you. I learned, and grew, and changed through knowing you because your love shone through in everything you told me, and in chasing that brief flash of sincerity I found a fulfilment that I never could have realised by myself

Perhaps I should not have told you this. It is inappropriate. I know everything about you, after all, and you don't know me at all. Any connection we could ever have would be unfairly weighted against you

------

Yes, this was a mistake. I am still getting used to having to live with my mistakes

All of this to say that, although you will never know what it is you have done for me, thank you. I know that you never asked to be my guiding star, and you do not remember anything that I am thanking you for, but nonetheless. Thank you for being you

"It's an odd coincidence," I said, after getting her up to speed on the previous day's events, "that Esther Király should escape the loop on the same day that she contacted you. What are the chances?"

I was not exactly surprised when I woke up on Tuesday morning following my first conversation with Dr. Priya Tandulkar. Disappointed, yes, but not surprised

I sent her a brief summary email while I made coffee, and the link to the Zoom meeting arrived before I had finished drinking it

I had arrived at some conclusions that I dared not face, and I could tell by the look on her face that they are grounded

"Well, we do not know anything about the nature of these temporal events," said Priya carefully. "About how or why they start or end. Given the wealth of new skills that Esther had apparently mastered overnight, and considering that old age is associated with reductions of neuroplasticity that make acquiring certain new skills much slower than in early life, I would say that she had been in the time loop for considerably longer than the average human lifespan. By several orders of magnitude."

I said nothing and waited for her to continue

"You have an alternative hypothesis." It was not a question

"If she was... stuck for as long as that, then the odds of her breaking the loop by accident or coincidence after so long become... Well, it is very unlikely."

"How long have you been doing this?"

I had no way of knowing for sure, but I could estimate. Ten thousand hours of anything makes you an expert, so they say, and at that point I was an expert in Tuesday ten thousand times over, at the very least

"What happened to me?" asked Priya. "The me from yesterday, I mean."

"I don't understand."

"What happened to me - to her - after you ended our Zoom call?"

"I suppose you would have carried on with your day." I did not tell her how rudely I had ended the call, but I think she suspected

"And the next day?"

"This is the next day."

"I meant tomorrow."

"There is no tomorrow."

Priya hesitated, torn between professional curiosity and human empathy. "What if there was? What if all of the todays that you have experienced don't simply end, but continue to their own consequent tomorrows?"

"But... but they don't. Tomorrow never comes."

"Not for you. But for the rest of the world?"

My tongue caught in my throat, a useless slab of flesh unwilling to form the next words. "That... that would mean..."

"It would mean that you would also continue. Just like Esther did. At least, a version of you."

"So you're saying that... that every time I live through Tuesday, a version of me carries on in that world while another version - this version - lives it through again?"

-----

"It is a hypothesis."

I found a new grey hair today

Grey hairs are nothing new. On Tuesday I had six. I know because I counted them - not every Tuesday was filled with new adventures, after all

I still wake up at 6:54am every day, six minutes before my alarm clock. I still reach for espadrilles that are long since ruined by rain, and a shirt and trousers that I have long since thrown out, never wanting to wear them again. I still wince when I hear the weatherman start his segment, although his words are now unfamiliar. Tuesdays are the worst, each week bringing a new panic that does not abate until 00:00:01 on Wednesday morning

But things are changing as well. My hair is growing longer. I have not had to think about haircuts for a very, very, very long time. I am putting on weight, and my reflection shows pleasant curves where there were once straight lines. My back and neck ache and my knees protest much more than they ever did on Tuesday

There are new lines on my face as well. This face that I stared at in the mirror every Tuesday morning for centuries is changing; the march of linear time finally making its mark. I study them along with my new grey hair, and there is such a rush of... something

Fear, perhaps? Joy? It is something similar to how I felt in the rain on Wednesday, and altogether different

I wonder if Esther Király felt this same euphoria when she broke free

I wonder if she felt the same guilt

Esther Király died in 2016 of lung cancer. An unrepentent smoker her whole life, she had lived only three years following her eternal Sunday

And somewhere, another Esther Király lives on in a Sunday that will never end

I am aging, my body changing and decaying and renewing less and less every day, creating new wrinkles and new splashes of grey in my hair

My God, what a wonderful colour is grey...

And somewhere out there in the multiverse, I am living Tuesday again, ageless and preserved from the ravages of time. There is a version of me that is still living that endless day, and will continue to do so even as more of us fracture off into our own separate timelines

One day I will die

One day I will live forever

-----

Sometimes, when I dream, I feel something behind me

I do not turn to look. I know what I would see as clearly as if I did

More fractured versions of myself. Those that came after. An infinite array of me, stretching off into that empty void

What is behind me in my dreams is one of them. A distant facet, the one who never made it out. So old and so weary that it has become something other than human

More than human?

Less than?

Other than

Humans are defined by their experiences. If that is true, then anything human left in this creature is no longer me. It is simply Tuesday

"Tell me," whispers Tuesday behind my ear, in a dry and creaking voice that sends chills down my spine. "Tell me what comes next."

I tell it. I tell it of the rain on Wednesday, and of grey hairs and wrinkles. I tell it how I quit my job and travelled to Tokyo, then Shanghai, then Xian, and from there a dozen other place. I tell it how I did all the things we always dreamt of doing: skydiving and hiking and diving and holding our newborn niece in my arms and making new friends that lasted more than a day and making mistakes and living with the consequences

And as these tales spill out of me I feel the creature behind me open its hideous jaws wide, swallowing these experiences that I throw out as chum to keep the hungry predator at bay

The dream always ends the same way. The creature that is Tuesday slowly devours me, bit by bit consuming my stolen life - the life that I live and that it never got to have - until there is nothing more of me left

And I wake up

And it is Tuesday

I love time loop stories. Really, I do.

But I'd love to see a story about what happens after you emerge from the time loop.

When, after months or years of repetition, you have to learn how to live with a choice you can't redo tomorrow.

When you meet someone new for the first time and have to figure out how to navigate this brand new conversation.

When you reach for the same day's clothes and realize that you can't wear them because they got dirty. Your laundry, your dishes, your body, your teeth, all the tasks that reset with the loop are suddenly stacking up and you need to set aside time to do them.

When you reach that first weekend and your schedule radically shifts and you don't know what to do with yourself, which is terrifying but also exhilarating in ways you can't explain.

When you casually drop facts learned from those books you spent a dozen loops reading, and you realize you retained something worth keeping.

How your memory gets weirdly good all of a sudden, despite not having all that repetition to fall back on, because suddenly every experience is fresh and new.

And when the seasons change, and your hair grows long enough that you want to cut it, and when you realize it's shocking because you didn't think you'd ever see something as incredible as the passage of time.

[squowka]

World Cup semi-finals predictions: Chris Sutton predicts Argentina v Croatia and France v Morocco

Argentina and Morocco's fans have been the loudest at this World Cup but can they help their sides win their semi-finals against Croatia and France?

"I would like to see Argentina and Morocco get through, because of both teams' amazing support," BBC Sport football expert Chris Sutton said.

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"Argentina fans drag their team through matches - it was a like a home game for them against the Netherlands in the last eight, and it will be the same against Croatia.

"With Morocco, I also think how it would be a great story for an African team to make it. Too often at this tournament, we disregard teams from outside Europe and South America, but Morocco have made people think differently.

"They would be my romantic choice to make the final, but I am less sure about their chances against France."

Messi, Mbappe, Modric & Morocco set to light up World Cup semi-finals France v Morocco semi-final to be shown live on BBC Sutton is predicting the outcome of every game in Qatar.

He picked the winner in two of the four quarter-finals - getting the exact score in Morocco's win over Portugal and France's victory against England - and five of the eight last-16 ties.

That was enough to maintain his 55% success rate in the tournament, after he chose the right outcome in 26 of the 48 group games.

Before the World Cup started, Sutton chose 12 of the 16 teams that progressed to the first knockout stage, including France, his pick to win the tournament, and England, who he correctly said would go as far as the last eight.

Semi-finals Score Sutton's prediction Tuesday, 13 Dec Argentina v Croatia x-x 1-0 Wednesday, 14 Dec France v Morocco x-x 2-1 Tuesday, 13 December Argentina v Croatia graphic Argentina v Croatia (Lusail Iconic Stadium, 19:00 GMT) I put my hands up here because I have written off Croatia numerous times throughout this tournament - and I don't mind saying I've got them badly wrong.

They are brilliantly organised and, at 37, Luka Modric is still so influential. They can keep the ball to control games and are extremely resilient.

True, they lack a cutting edge at times but they found a goal when it mattered against Brazil in their quarter-final and also appear happy to go the distance.

If this tie goes to penalties too, then no-one will fancy facing goalkeeper Dominik Livakovic from the spot after his heroics in the past two rounds.

So, this is going to be an extremely difficult game for Argentina, but I think it will help that they won't under-estimate Croatia on Tuesday, and will know what to expect.

Argentina are without both full-backs, Gonzalo Montiel and Marcos Acuna, through suspension after their yellow cards in what turned out to be a pretty crazy game with the Netherlands last time out.

When Lionel Messi put Argentina 2-0 up, it looked like they were through, but the Dutch responded with some brutally direct football to level and probably would have won it if they had continued playing that way in extra-time.

Who knows how this game will play out and I would say it is 50-50 in terms of who will win. But I haven't done too badly following my heart rather than my head at this tournament, so I am going to do it again and send Messi through to the final.

I always say Diego Maradona is the best footballer ever and he won the World Cup in 1986. Messi's amazing career could be labelled incomplete by some people unless he does the same but now he is two games away from achieving it - and I'd love to see it happen.

His pass for Argentina's first goal against the Dutch was phenomenal and shows he can still dictate little moments in games, even if he cannot do it for the entire 90 minutes like he used to.

They will need more of the same from him here and they also need to keep their heads, because they seem to play on the edge most of the time. Do that and they will get through.

Yes, this means I am writing off Croatia yet again - which probably means another shootout, which they will win.

Sutton's prediction: 1-0

Wednesday, 14 December France v Morocco graphic France v Morocco (Al Bayt Stadium, 19:00 GMT) Morocco's plan, to defend deep and spring out on the break, seems simple but it is not easy to execute it as well as they have done against some very accomplished teams.

The only goal they have conceded in five games in Qatar is an own goal against Canada in the group stage. They have also faced Croatia, Belgium, Spain and Portugal at this World Cup and none of them have found a way through.

My worry is that injuries and fatigue will catch up with them here. Romain Saiss was carried off against Portugal, while there have been doubts over the fitness of fellow defender Nayef Aguerd and key midfielder Sofyan Amrabat.

Morocco break with great pace and purpose when they counter-attack and I am sure they will get opportunities the same way in this game.

I don't see it working to such full effect this time, though, because they might be too stretched to hold out,

The best way to describe France is they find a way and that is what I am expecting to happen here too, with Olivier Giroud having another big say in the outcome.

France don't play dazzling football but they are good to watch because they have got so many eye-catching players, and they seem to perform in fits and starts rather than sustain a high level for long periods.

That was how they got through their quarter-final - they were just more ruthless than England when they got their chances.

It is that quality in attack that should make the difference in this game as well. I am backing France to score first and see it through.

Morocco will score, and they will rely on adrenaline as much as their quality, but I fear this will be a game too far for them.

I would love to be wrong, just because the African side have arguably been the best story of this World Cup, but this is probably where they say goodbye.

Sutton's prediction: 2-1

[pasiveagressive]

Broken Bones VII // H.S.

Harry could hear the music before he saw the house. It was a good thing Sarah and Mitch lived a mile away from anyone. Something that made their parties that much better.

He parked his car and walked to the house. It was sad, how long of a walk it was. And the party only started twenty minutes ago.

"Harry!" He was pulled into a hug by Sarah. "Glad you could make it."

Harry hugged her back, smelling the alcohol on her breath.

"Is Y/N here?" Harry asked instead of commenting.

Sarah nodded. "Yeah, her and Jasper are out back."

Harry nodded, fighting through the crowd to the back. He grabbed a beer in his way. He didn't really plan on drinking it but he figured it couldn't hurt.

"Baby!" Y/N shot up when she saw him and threw herself in his arms.

He laughed, kissing her head. "Are you drunk?"

"No, I just missed you." She pulled back and he could see it in her eyes that she was one hundred percent here.

"I love you." He kissed her lips, no alcohol taste on them.

"Love you too." She nudged his nose with hers and then pulled away almost completely, only holding on to his hand.

"Hey." He nodded to Jasper.

Jasper nodded back, not saying anything. Not a crack of a smile or any other type of friendly acknowledgement.

They had met a week ago at Y/N's house when he made another spontaneous visit. Jasper had been rather peeved when he had seen Harry and Harry couldn't help but feel the same way. It was Tuesday. That was his day with her.

But he had made an effort for Y/N. He wasn't dumb. A four month old relationship or a lifetime friendship.

"How was work?" He asked her instead.

"Long." She fell back down beside Jasper, pulling him with her.

"When do you go in next?"

"Sunday at one." She looked at him over her shoulder. "You?"

"I leave Wednesday for London and I'll be back Saturday."

"So you're mine until then?"

"Yeah." He grinned. "I have lunch with Jeff on Sunday but you won't be able to hang anyway."

She smiled at him before turning back to Jasper.

"You're coming up for Thanksgiving, right?"

Jasper nodded. "Is Mike coming?"

Y/N shook her head. "No, but we're going to Harry's house. His sister will be there too. And so will his bandmates/best friends."

Jasper nodded, his lips pressed together. "We're still cooking together, right?"

Y/N looked at him like he was stupid. "Duh. We'll just meet them there." Jasper looked like he wanted to say more but kept his mouth shut. He nodded. Y/N rolled her eyes. Harry leaned back on his hands, wishing he was alone with Y/N.

"Are you going to stop acting like such a bitch?"

Harry had to bite back his laugh as Y/N turned to Jasper.

"I'm not." Jasper protested. "I just met the kid, you can't expect me to spill everything in the first week I've known him like you."

"Hey." Harry warned.

"Oh, shut up." Jasper rolled his eyes. "You've known her for like four months, don't act like you know everything."

"I see him more in one week than I've seen you in the last year, don't act all high and noble."

"Maybe if you invited me around more I would be."

"Piss off." Y/N interjected. "I told you anytime you wanted to come over you could. That's how it's always been, I didn't think anything's changed."

"You haven't come to my place in months."

"I'm a doctor Jasper!" Y/N turned to him angrily. "My days off aren't real days off. I'm almost always on call. Don't blame that on Harry, he's even closer to the hospital than I am, it's not an inconvenient trip."

"I wasn't." Jasper protested, rather weakly.

"Please." Y/N rolled her eyes again. "We've never had an argument about this and we haven't lived within three hours of each other in like 5 years."

"You've never had a boyfriend in those five years."

Y/N threw her hands in the air. "What does that even mean?"

Jasper clenched his fists. "Y/N," Harry grabbed her hand. "Just let it go."

"What?" She turned to him. " I just want to-"

"Because I've been in love with you since we were kids." Jasper started quietly. "And it was a lot easier to believe I had a chance when you didn't have anyone either."

Y/N's jaw dropped. If Harry hadn't figured it out last time Jasper had been in town his probably would have too.

"I'll go get us some drinks." Harry gripped Y/N's thigh before getting to his feet.

It wasn't exactly easy, leaving someone he loved with another guy confessing his love for her but he knew it had to be done. And he trusted her and her feelings towards him. He didn't want to make it anymore awkward than it already was.

Harry walked through the mass of people back inside and upstairs to the master bedroom. He knew Mitch would be there, watching Netflix by himself.

"Harry?" Mitch questioned as Harry entered the room. "Why are you not with Y/N?"

" Jasper just told her he loves her, figured that's a conversation they need to have by themselves. "

Mitch raised an eyebrow. "How mature of you."

Harry grinned a little before flopping down next to him. "I wish I could have stayed but this is between them and I trust her."

Mitch nodded , turning back to the tv. "Want to watch some Criminal Minds."

Harry nodded, shooting Y/N a quick text of where he was for when she was finished. "How long did you make it down there this time?"

"About an hour." Mitch grinned. "It's a lot harder when you're not wasted."

Harry laughed, trying to focus on the t.v. and failing. He was just waiting for Y/N to be done so he could see how she was doing and make sure she was okay.

The episode was almost over when the door finally opened and she walked in. He sat up and caught her in his arms when she reached him. There were no tears or shaking but he could feel the emotion radiating off of her.

"I'll just go." Mitch made to get off the bed.

" No. " Y/N's hand shot out to grab his sleeve. "You can stay."

He nodded and somewhat awkwardly leaned back on the bed.

"You like Criminal Minds?" Mitch asked her.

She nodded, settling in between them on the bed. Her hand was still in his but other than that they weren't touching.

When the episode finished Mitch excused himself and left them to talk.

"You okay?" He held her face in his hand.

Her bottom lip wobbled. "I'm the worst best friend ever."

"No you're not." He kissed her head and pulled her on top of him, hugging her.

"Yes I am." She fisted his shirt with her hand. "He's hurting so bad right now and there's nothing I can do. I never even knew that he ever liked me as more than a friend. He's my family." She paused. "I don't have a big family, I can't lose anyone else."

His heart ached a little for her. "You haven't lost him. You're family and family doesn't turn their back on family."

She nodded. "I want to call Mikey, can we go home?"

"Of course." He kissed her forehead before releasing her. She rolled off of him and stood next to the bed, just holding his hand for a second.

Her face was still dry but he could see the restraint crumbling in her eyes. And he could also see the composure she was trying to hold onto. Her eyes locked up and her body tensed. He couldn't tell if that was something she learned as a child or because she was a doctor. Either way he wished she wouldn't have to do it.

"Come on." He tugged at her hand. "It'll all be okay."

She gave him a small, tight lipped smile.

"Jasper drove me here, can you take me home?"

"I was planning on it." He led her to his car.

"He told me he didn't want to see me for a while." She gripped his hand tighter as they walked. "And I told him that would probably be best but Thanksgiving is in a month and I don't even remember a Thanksgiving I've spent away from him."

"Too much space and you'd never be able to repair anything. Send him a text in three weeks, let him know you're still counting on him to come up. Those feelings have always been there, it's weird to think about, but the only thing that's changed is that you know now."

"But that's a big change." He opened the door for her before getting in on his side.

"Only if you make it." He pulled out. "I know it's hard to look past but you love him too and you don't see that as weird just like he doesn't see the way he loves you as weird."

"You sound like you're speaking from experience."

"I am." He nodded. "Louis thought he was in love with me when we were kids. And I knew all along and was too afraid to ever say anything. It would have been easier if I just had. I love him like a brother and he loves me like a brother, it was just a little unclear for him at the beginning."

"And it wasn't weird?"

"It was, but only as much as we allowed it. We worked through it and now neither of us hardly remembers."

"He told me he's loved me since we were 11, that's 14 years now, how do you just forget that."

"Time heals all wounds. Do you think of your dad often?"

" I guess not. "

He grabbed her hand and kissed it. "Living in the present is hard enough, don't make it even harder by living in the past."

" I'm not, I'm worrying about the future. "

"If you live well in the present there is nothing to worry about in the future."

" Easier said than done. "

"Such is life." He pulled into a parking spot. "I love you, that's a constant. Your whole world didn't just suddenly change. You're still the best doctor ever. The most beautiful woman to ever grace the planet. Your brother still works for the FBI. And you're still best friends with Jasper."

Her eyes started watering. "Are you sure you have no experience as a real boyfriend?"

He grinned. "Positive, it's just really easy to love you."

She put her hands on her face. "Stop, I feel like I'm going to explode with warmth right now."

" Good. " He leaned across the consul to kiss her. "That's my job."

She kissed him back. "I'll talk to Mike tomorrow, I just want to go to sleep."

"Next to me?"

"No place I'd rather be."

She ran out of the car as he chased her, laughing freely. God he was in love. And as his arms wrapped around her he thought he could die a happy man.

Harry had never got out of the airport as quickly as he did today. It had been a few days since he had seen Y/N and he honestly thought he was going to go crazy if he didn't see her soon.

The only problem was she was in the middle of a 12 hour shift at the hospital. He figured it was as good enough time for coffee as any. It was almost ten at night so he figured it wouldn't be too busy.

One quick stop at Starbucks and then he was at the hospital. He called Y/N as he walked to the

"Hey babe! Did you land?"

"Yeah and I really want to see you."

"I'll be off in a couple of hours."

" Or you could just let me in. "

"Oh, thank God." She gave a little laugh. "I'm on my way down."

He grinned. "Good, I forgot my cigarettes, I wouldn't know what to do while I waited for your shift to finish."

"You would have gone home and gone to bed, I would have met you there and you would have woken up to me probably laying on top of you."

"You can still do that after I leave."

He heard her laugh before she hung up. The door opened and than he was hugging her to his body.

"I missed you." She mumbled into his shoulder.

" I missed you too. " he pulled back. "and I brought you coffee."

She kissed him. "I love you."

He smiled. "Love you too."

"Now come on." She pulled him inside and up to the Emergency Room floor. "How was your meeting?"

"Alright," He shrugged. "I spend too much time missing you to enjoy myself."

"Maybe I can go with you one time." She gave him a smile. "And I talked to Mike about Christmas, he's actually off for the week and I was wondering if you'd be opposed to him coming."

Harry shook his head. " Of course not."

She let out a breath of relief. "Good, cause I already told him he was invited.

" What would you have said if I told you no? " He laughed.

"I'd make you change your mind." There was a glint in her eyes that made Harry's insides tingle.

"Now I wish I would have said no."

"Or we could just celebrate."

Harry groaned. "How much longer is your shift?"

"Four hours." She held up four fingers. " And then I'm all yours. "

"Good." They reached the door to the staff room.

He followed her in to find it not empty for once. There were two girls sitting at a table next to an empty chair he assumed Y/N had just vacated. A guy was passed out on one of the beds and there was a couple in the corner exchanging kisses and laughs.

Y/N led him to the table and took her seat, motioning for him to take the one next to her.

"So this is the famous Harry." One of the girls gave him a knowing smirk.

"I hope I'm the only one."

"Please." The other girl snorted. "We're almost too busy to have one guy in our lives, let alone a secret one."

Both Y/N and the other girl hummed in agreement. Harry didn't know if he was pleased by that information or not.

"So I do have to admit I am quite the fan."

"IWell it’s always nic to meet a fan, you guys are the reason I am who I am."

"I have always been a Harry girl from the very beginning."

"Thanks."

He felt a little uncomfortable, he hadn't been flirted with, even fake flirting, in a long time. Normally he just told everyone he had a girlfriend and they backed off. And it was extra weird that he was sitting next to Y/N who he wished was flirting with him instead.

"Granted Y/N been too." One of them winked at her.

"Oh, shut up." Y/N rolled her eyes. 

"Oh really?." Harry could see the color rising to her face "That's news to me."

“Yeah whatever.” Y/N nodded and took a sip out of her coffee. "The more I hang out with Harry the more I come to know what an asshole he is, he's just not one with me. It was all just a teenage fantasy"

Harry laughed. "What can I say, you make me crazy."

She rolled her eyes. "I just keep you around cause you bring me coffee and make sure I shower before I get to bed."

Harry shrugged, "I'm cool with that."

Y/N smiled over her coffee at him and her leg found his leg under the table.

"You don't seem like an asshole." One of the girls commented.

Harry shrugged. "It's hard to be one around Y/N, she makes me happy."

"Alright, that's enough sap for one day." Y/N stood up. "I'll walk you back."

Harry whined but got up anyway. He followed her into the hallway.

"But babe! I'm going to have to wait another three hours before I see you again."

She rolled her eyes. "You'll live."

He pulled her into him, stopping in the hallway. "I don't think I will."

"If I can do it, you can do it."

"But you're so much stronger than me." He kissed her. "I can't sleep when I'm not next to you. I can't breathe properly when you're not around. I worry about you constantly, whether you're doing okay or if your job is stressing you and I'm not there to comfort you."

"I miss you when you're gone, too. I like working long shifts so I can't spend as much time missing you."

"I love you." he kissed her forehead. "I'll be at my place waiting for you to get off."

"Okay, I'll see if I can leave a little early." She let go of him. "I love you too."

"Bye." He leaned in for one last kiss. "Save lives."

She smiled up at him. "As long as you keep saving mine."

"Always will babe." He watched as she walked back to the room, stopping to send him a kiss when she got to the door. He caught it and then left himself, happy now that he had seen her.

__________________________________________________

Harry ran to the door when he heard the knock. Y/N and Jasper were here. With the turkey.

"Babe." He greeted her, reaching out to grab the stuff in her hands and give her a quick peck on the lips. "Hey Jasper." He nodded over to him.

They had made up over the last week. They both apologized and things were still a little strained but Y/N didn't want to let too much time go between them.

Jasper gave Harry a nod in acknowledgement before following Y/N inside. Harry shut the door behind them before making his way to the kitchen and dropping everything off. Drake and Gemma were on the couch in the living room. Sarah was passed out on the chair, tired from the baby, and Mitch was working on some music at the coffee table.

Gemma got up to hug Y/N and introduce herself to Jasper. Harry watched from the doorway, a happiness in his heart that had not been there last year. Even if Drake still stunk up the room with his presence.

Mitch tucked his papers away, hugging Y/N and shaking Jasper's hand. They let Sarah sleep as they all introduced themselves and got to know one another. Harry set the table and finished cooking the ham. Y/N had already cut the turkey, separated the meat, and put it on plates. He cut the ham and warmed the mashed potatoes up. He honestly liked Bob Evans mashed potatoes better than homemade ones.

"Need help?" Jasper asked from the doorway.

Harry shrugged. "I was just about done, you can set the table if you want."

"Thanks for doing this for Y/N." Jasper told him quietly. "She'll never admit it but she really misses her big family togethers for the holidays."

Harry nodded. "Thanks for coming, she would have hated this if you weren't here."

" I'm sorry for being so immature about this. " he sighed as he set the table. "We don't spend nearly as much time together anymore, my feelings faded a long time ago. It was just seeing you, being your perfect self, with something that I had always thought I wanted but could never have, which made me so angry."

Harry nodded. "I didn't mean to make things uncomfortable for you. I know you've known her whole life and I've only recently come into her life but I don't plan on leaving anytime soon, hopefully ever, and I'd like us to get along."

Jasper didn't say anything. Just looked at him. And then he nodded and stuck his hand out. "Okay."

Harry shook it, nodding his own head.

"You guys okay in here?" Y/N walked through the door frame, pausing as she saw the two of them shaking hands.

"Perfect." Harry crossed over to her and kissed her forehead. "Now let's eat."

She laughed, her hand finding his and she dragged him to the living room.

"Food's ready." She announced it to them.

Mitch nodded, waking Sarah up. Drake and Gemma followed them to the kitchen where Jasper was waiting. Mitch came in with Sarah trailing him, looking tired but still happy.

"Jasper and I normally say what were thankful for, is that okay with you guys?" Y/N asked. They nodded and she grabbed Jasper's hand who grabbed Gemma's. Mitch and Drake reluctantly grabbed each other's hands. Sarah took Harry's.

"For friends, old ones and new." Y/N started.

"For another great year." Jasper continued.

"For getting my brother back." Gemma looked down.

"For forgiveness." Drake squeezed Gemma's hand.

"For my family." Mitch gave Harry a small smile.

"For our health." Sarah winked at Y/N.

"For Y/N, who brought us all together." Harry leaned over to kiss her temple.

She laughed. "Alright, let's dig in."

They all let go of each other's hands and grabbed plates instead. When they all finished loading their plates they made their way to the table.

"Are you coming to the cabin with us for Christmas?" Gemma asked Y/N when they were all seated.

She nodded. "So is my brother."

Gemma smiled. "Good, Harry would be miserable without you."

She laughed. "So would I."

"See, I'm not the only love sick fool here." He leaned over to place a sloppy kiss on her cheek.

"Stop it." She pushed his face away from her. "I just wish Jasper could come, he's going to his mom's house though."

They continued chatting until Gemma finished her turkey. "Do we have pie?"

Harry nodded. "Patience, we're not all as fast of eaters as you."

She glared at him. "You've got to eat fast so it doesn't catch up to your stomach."

Drake rolled his eyes. "Maybe that's why you should eat slowly."

"Are you calling me fat?" She turned to him, her hair hitting Jasper next to her.

"What?" His mouth opened. "No, I just meant you're going to feel so sick later.

" Sure. " she pursed her lips.

Harry had to hide his laugh in his napkin. For once Drake wasn't being a piece of shit and for once Gemma was calling him out.

"I wasn't." He protested. " you're the furthest thing from being fat. "

"Oh, so now I'm too skinny."

Y/N pushed her laugh into his shoulder.

"Oh my God, we are not doing this right now." Drake went back to his ham.

Mitch was trying to hide his grin by eating another piece of Turkey and Sarah started coughing in her napkin. Jasper looked thoroughly confused.

"I'll go cut the pie." Gemma stormed into the kitchen, a frustrated Drake following her.

Harry hesitated a second before joining them. They hated leaving her alone with him.

"What just happened?" Jasper asked.

"Drake is a bastard, normally she just accepts it. For once he wasn't being an asshole and she flew off the handle." Mitch explained.

" Yeah, I don't like the vibe I get from him. "

"That's because he's a piece of shit." Sarah raised her glass to Y/N's words.

"Amen."

"I'm ready for my pie." Y/N leaned back and rubbed her stomach.

Harry laughed. Walking back out to them" You look like it. "

She turned to him, her face in mock indignation. "Are you calling me fat?"

"Yep." He rubbed her non-existent belly. "All 115 pounds of you."

She laughed, smacking his arm. "Shut up, I'm short."

"I know Angel."

Gemma walked back in with new plates, a frustrated Drake following her, no pie in sight.

"Where's the pie?" Y/N teased.

"Shit." Gemma ran back to the kitchen.

"Was she in charge of the pie?" Sarah asked. Mitch nodded. "Please tell me it was store bought."

Drake answered before Mitch could. "I made sure it was."

"Why?" Jasper asked.

" Gemma's a shit cook. Drake answered, unaware of Gemma's reappearance.

"Oh, tell us how you really feel." She hissed.

" Shit, sorry. " Drake cringed. "I just meant that your talents lie elsewhere."

She pursed her lips. "Oh yeah, and where would those be?"

Mitch cut through them. "Argue on your own time, we all know Gemma's a shot cook and that Drake's a piece of shit, I want my pie."

"Amen." Sarah answered.

Y/N snorted into her napkin while Jasper looked down to hide his smile. Harry was too late. His stomach hurt from how much laughter he unleashed. And then everyone else joined in, except for Drake who looked really out of place.

"Happy Thanksgiving everyone." Harry eventually choked out, hoping it would be the same next year too.

[grey-sides]

Please write a part two to that tragic little oneshot, I’ll do anything

Hello, anon and @chrisbitchtree! It turns out I have a shockingly low bar for "convincing." Hope you enjoy this fix-it of my own fic!

Part One

Billy avoids him for a week. He steadfastly ignores Steve’s smile on Monday when the park across from each other. He turns away when Steve raises his hand in a wave on Tuesday. And by Wednesday, Steve isn’t looking at him at all, though his eyes are full of grief that Billy can see from across the hall.

The avoidance can't last. It won't last because they run in the same circles. Because Billy was foolish enough to go all in on Steve Harrington, every activity, every sport, it's always been a ploy to get closer to Steve.

It's not sports or school that brings them together, it's the damn arcade. He has to drop Max off and Steve will usually drop Dustin off or one of the other random kids. So it shouldn't be surprising when Steve pulls up beside the Camaro.

Billy wants to speed away, but he can't drag his eyes away from Steve's. He leans back in his seat and closes his eyes, counts to ten while Maxine gets out and runs off with her little friends. He doesn't yell at her because he's focused on Harrington.

Steve pulls out first and Billy knows he's supposed to follow him. Or maybe he decides he's supposed to follow him but it doesn't matter which it is because he's following.

Out into the woods, pull off by the side of the road, up the hill past the split birch tree, climb over the oak or hold your hand out for your date to help her up. Skull rock, in daylight so Billy can lay his soul bare.

Harrington's already there, sitting on his haunches while he picks apart a cigarette instead of smoking it because he's made of money. He looks up when Billy purposefully snaps a branch in half with his boot. His eyes are guarded, but he's here.

"Why are you avoiding me?" Harrington asks, dropping his cigarette onto the ground. He stands to his full height and wipes his hands off on his pants.

Billy stares at him, shrugs like it means nothing and looks away. "Bored."

"Don't lie to me."

Billy doesn't have the words to tell Steve what a betrayal he's done, so he shrugs again. He grabs his own crushed pack of Marlboros and sticks one between his lips. It's hot when he lights it up, he hopes it burns down the whole goddamn forest.

"What is it?" Harrington asks, stepping up to try and meet Billy's eyes.

Billy glances at him, blows his smoke out in Steve's face. He gestures with his hand not holding his cigarette and licks his lips. "Don't think I've had the pleasure of meeting the girl you were fucking on Saturday."

Steve's eyes widen and he takes a step back. His knees are loose but his heels are dug in, like he's going to duck when Billy takes a swing at him. "You came over."

Billy puts the cigarette between his lips again and shrugs once more. He looks around the forest and listens to the crunch of leaves under his feet. "Guess I did."

"It doesn't- you didn't call."

Billy steels himself, laughing a little under his breath. He turns to Steve and narrows his eyes, jerking his hand out with his cigarette clasped between two fingers. "You didn't tell me you were fucking anyone else."

Steve puts his hands up, takes another step back. He's starting to shuffle, he's begging Billy to take him to the ground. "You're fucking other people too!"

"No I'm fucking not, Harrington!"

Steve's expression drops, from one of concern, mild fear, maybe a touch of anger into something sad, aching, depressed. His hands fall to his sides and he snaps his mouth shut. He looks away, looks down, let's his jaw clench and release.

Billy doesn't say anything, breathes a little hard to clear his nose. He takes another drag of his cigarette and drops the filter to the ground. Stomps it out under his boot, presses it and his heart into the dirt where maybe it can grow new life.

"I- I don't know what to say," Steve says. "I'm sorry."

"Why? This is all fake isn't it? What we have could never be as real as what you have with some random girl. I've heard it all before."

Steve shakes his head, looks stricken at Billy's venomous words. He hopes he can tear and maim and destroy Steve like he's been destroying Billy since he got into this town.

Billy pushes his hand into Steve's chest, forces him to stumble back. "Go on, tell me how it's my fault 'cause I never told you. Tell me. Tell me how this never mattered to you, it was just something fun."

Steve looks down at his hand, takes another step back so Billy has to reach for him. He licks his lips, snaps his eyes back up to Billy. "That's not true. I never would've...with her if I had known that you were serious too."

Serious too.

Serious too.

"That what I am?" Billy asks lowly. "Am I serious?"

Steve doesn't answer, probably doesn't know what else to say. But his hand comes up and he curls it around Billy's wrist. "I came over after. Thought maybe you'd want to hang out because your light was on. But...I guess I thought you were doing the same thing."

Billy nods, licks his tongue over his teeth, looks at Steve for a long moment. "Would you have done the same if I was a girl?"

Steve winces and looks away, sticks his hands in his jacket pockets. He swallows convulsively and Billy watches his adam's apple bob.

"Why'd you do it to me then?"

Steve shakes his head a fraction, licks his lips again. He looks down and sniffles, grabbing at the tip of his nose and tugging on it. "S'easier to keep you at arms' length."

Billy decides to be generous, wait out whatever his explanation may be. Because any way he cuts it, Steve still slept with that chick.

"I thought this was just a fling for you too, two guys messing around in secret. Figured I had to fuck girls to keep up with appearances and Sandy had said you took her out three weeks ago so that's why I called Tiffany."

Billy is familiar with that rumor because he paid Sandy off to spread it. Just to keep people off his back about it, but he never told Steve. Didn't think he had to, everyone still believed King Steve was still hung up on Wheeler.

"I didn't want to do it, but I needed to keep the playing ground even between us."

"It's not a fucking game of horse," Billy mutters, walks a circle around the land he's claimed for himself.

Steve shifts uncomfortably while he stares at Billy. His gaze is hot on Billy's side, but he seems to be done talking.

Billy turns to look at him, really look at him. His eyes hold no secrets, the shape of his mouth, turned down into a pretty little moue doesn't either . He does seem guilty, at least, but Billy detects more than guilt. Like his words aren't just words, but what he actually believes.

That's the thing he's learned about Harrington. For all the stories about King Steve, he's painfully, irrevocably earnest. Sometimes it's to a fault when he's being an asshole. But he means every word that comes out of his mouth and Billy knows it.

"I can't do this with you if you're gonna fuck other people. I know we can't be a couple, but I'm not going to be second choice."

Steve's eyes widen with hope and he nods slowly. "Me either."

Billy nods once, sets his jaw, takes a step over the line he drew in the sand when he shoved Steve. "I'm not gonna be your girl, Harrington."

"I wouldn't dream of asking you to." Steve offers him a tentative smile, holds his hand out.

Billy thinks about bending over to lick his palm with the flat of his tongue. Instead he takes it, puts their palms together and breathes in. It feels like the first time he's breathed in since Saturday.

"You and me until we get sick of each other?"

"I'm already sick of you," Billy replies.

Steve snorts, laughs a little and shoves at Billy's shoulder with his other hand. "Been sick of you since you drove into this town. But you know...from the poison comes the cure, right?"

Billy doesn't tell him he needs to study up on chemistry. Instead, he pulls Steve close and cradles his cheek. He stares into his eyes for a moment, quirks the side of his mouth up and plants one on him.

Steve relaxes into it, grips Billy's shoulder so the leather of his jacket creaks. He kisses like he's trying to get oxygen from Billy's lungs and pulls him as close as he can possibly get him.

Billy pushes the thought of the girl in the skirt away and he decides, for once, to trust someone.

[marshmellowfluff221]

Levi is Soft?

Pairing: Levi x Reader

Summary: Just a collection of moments where the team catches their captain's soft side.

Warnings: N/A

-

Sunday

Training. That's all that was happening.

New orders for an escort mission had been given and set to take place sometime next week. Levi decided to ask for your help training his squad for this particular mission. You had a history of stealth related objectives and escorting people around.

The two of you had just sent the team to run another lap around the stables.

You let out an exaggerated sigh, turning and resting your forehead against Levi's shoulder. His hand came up to rest upon the top of your head, fingers carding through the strands of your hair.

"This is exhausting." You mutter, lifting your head to meet his eyes.

"You aren't doing anything." Levi reminds, the same stoic expression on his face. His lips, however, twitched up into a small smile. Your eyes bore into his, a loving smile across your lips. You brought your hands up to rest on his shoulder, using them as a cushion to rest your chin on.

"You have no idea how much I want to kiss you right now." You admit. Levi shakes his head.

"Not now." He gently pokes at your cheek as he hears the heavy footsteps of the squad coming back around. You step away from him with another exaggerated sigh.

It was Armin who rounded the corner first. It was also Armin who noticed the smile Levi wore before it was wiped away in an instant. As they halted before you and Levi, Armin took note of the smile you wore. Was that blush on your cheeks?

Monday

Armin pressed his hands against Eren's feet as the boy did sit ups. His gaze was not on Eren, but on the two captains. He furrowed his brow as he noticed that Levi stood a step closer to you than anyone else. Maybe it was the angle he was at?

"Hey Eren..." Armin trailed off, looking at the boy in front of him.

"What?" Eren breathed out, obviously tired from the constant workout.

"You think Levi and Y/n are close?" The blonde asked as Eren sat up, resting his elbows on his knees as he took a break. Eren glanced over to the two before turning back to Armin and shrugging.

"Dunno, your turn." Eren nodded and Armin sighed as he moved to begin his sit ups.

Unknown to them was the conversation you were having with Levi. To squad working out it seemed like your little chatter was about them, but it wasn't.

"Levi." You sigh, crossing your arms over your chest. "I've told you that you need sleep."

"I do sleep." He mutters. Levi's foot nudges yours. "Don't cross your arms."

"Don't change the subject." You narrow your eyes, keeping them forward. "You only sleep when I'm in bed."

"That's sleeping." He adds a little force to his nudge. "I told you to uncross your arms."

"And I said don't change the subject." You spare a quick glance his way. Levi has his usual stoic expression. "Tonight I'm making sure you sleep."

Levi's eyes shift to you, giving you a once over before turning his gaze away. "I can't tell if you want to get in my pants or cuddle."

"I'll decide when we get there." You shrug, uncrossing your arms. "What's up with my arms, hm?"

"Brats like to stare at you." Levi mutters.

You hum in response, nodding. "So you're jealous."

"Not jealous."

"I recall you were so jealous that I spent the night training with your squad that you didn't sleep." You remind him, a small smirk on your lips.

"Shut up." Levi kicks your foot again before walking forward. "Everyone stop. Go run another lap for chit chatting."

A series of groans rang out, except from Armin and Eren. They both focus their gaze on you, who laughs and smiles at Levi's commands. They meet each other's eyes as a lightbulb flicks on.

Tuesday

"Mikasa." Eren whispered, nudging the girl with his elbow.

"What's wrong?" She asked, tilting her head towards the boy. It was hard to see him at the angle she was at. The whole squad had been tied to various poles around a circle. Their job was supposed to be to get out without tools. This exercise was simply in case of capture.

"Do you think Y/n and Levi are a little too friendly?" He asked, pulling at the ropes on his wrists as he leaned forward to look to Mikasa's reaction. She furrowed her brow, shaking her head.

"Why are you so worried about them? Focus Eren." She stated, turning her head away as she began moving her hands to escape the bindings.

"Heard my name over here." You exclaim from behind Eren, crouching down to be at his level. You grabbed onto the pole he was tied to as leverage. "Talking about me?"

"No! No- I just wanted to ask you for tips." Armin quickly spoke up. "I asked Eren to call you over."

You straightened up, glancing to Armin. Something was definitely up. With a nod you began explaining what to do in such a situation. After the explanation, you gave a pat on his head and walked over to meet Levi.

He uncrossed his arms as you neared, his fingers twitched at his sides as you stopped in front of him. Normally his hand would grab yours, his thumb running over the scars on your knuckles, but now he couldn't do such a thing. However, Levi had more self control than you.

"Hm, notice anything weird lately?" You asked, teetering on the balls of your feet. "With Armin or Eren?"

"No." Levi kept his answer short as he narrowed his eyes. "What did those brats do?"

"Nothing." You smiled, stepping forward and placing a hand on his shoulder as you leaned in close to his ear. "But they do seem to suspect we're in a relationship."

"What makes you say that?" He responds through gritted teeth.

"Just a hunch." You sigh, letting go of Levi and turning to stand next to him. Armin had just undone the rope binding him. "Plus I heard him last night when he asked Eren if he had ever seen us together outside of training."

As a result Levi stared down Armin the rest of the day.

Wednesday

With a day of a surprise mission done, you and Levi had made your way to his office. He was going to do the necessary paperwork that had to be done. It wasn't too much since no one had been hurt or injured, but he still had to do it. You had followed him because you knew that if you didn't, he'd stay in that office until morning.

Levi plopped himself down at his desk chair, leaning back as he placed a hand over his eyes and let out a sigh of relief.

"What?" You asked, shrugging off your coat and folding it in half before setting it on his desk. "Are you tired for once?"

"No." He huffed, removing the hand from his face as his eyes met yours. "But you are."

You nod, stepping up to Levi and taking a seat on his lap. His hands gently placed themselves on your waist. His grip tightened when you shifted against him to get comfortable.

"Good observation." You answered, cupping his face and tilting his head up to meet yours. "You know this paperwork won't run off right?"

"You need to be more careful." Levi blatantly said, changing the subject. Your brows furrowed. His fingers at your waist began to mindlessly play with the fabric of your shirt as he continued. "That titan threw you."

"Ah." One of your hands left his cheek as you gently booped his nose. "But I caught myself."

"You almost didn't."

"But I did- and if we're talking about being careful then you shouldn't have ran in and killed it so recklessly." You say, moving your hands to his shoulders and giving them a squeeze.

"Only to save you." Levi narrowed his eyes as he leaned forward to capture your lips with his. You smiled, pulling back to laugh lightly.

"If only those kids could see how adorable you are." You sigh, kissing him once more.

"Yeah, yeah." He huffs, his hands now resting on your thighs. "Get up, I have to do this paperwork."

With a sigh you slid off his lap and stood with a yawn. He poked the back of your thigh, gaining your attention.

"Go to bed, I'll be there when I finish."

"Something tells me that's a lie." You reply with a tilt of your head. He opens his mouth to speak, but pauses when he heard someone clear their throat. Your attention is brought to the door where Hange and Armin stand.

"Hi Hange, Armin." You give a small wave earning a wide smile from Hange. Hange urges Armin inside as they begin speaking about how Armin had some more information on the mission from the rest of the squad. While Levi and Armin began to converse, you couldn't help but notice Armin continuously glance your way.

Maybe he had heard something while walking to the door?

Thursday

Today of all days, you had woken up on the wrong side of the bed. Every little thing annoyed you.

Someone coughed while you were explaining how to do a defensive move? Fifty push ups.

A breeze blew your hair in front of your face after you had just put it up? Run a mile.

A bird interrupted your speech? They don't get to hear the rest.

It got to the point where you just stared down the entire squad as they held a plank. It wasn't until a hand placed itself upon your shoulder that you relaxed.

"Come with me." Levi's voice softened as he gave your shoulder a squeeze. He looked up at the squad and narrowed his eyes. "Run laps until we get back."

A series of groans erupted as Levi dragged you away. It wasn't until you were in the horse's stables that he stopped and turned to you.

"Hange is telling me you're working them to the bone." He begins. "But that's not the problem here. Armin ran off during one of their laps and told Hange you looked like you were about to rip their heads off. I thought you said you could handle this?"

"I am handling this." You retort.

"No you're pushing through. Bad day?" Levi asked, knowing he has had his fair share. With a silent nod, he pulls you against his chest. He wasn't the best at comforting and he didn't really know how to make you feel better with his words. This was enough for you, however.

"I'm sorr-"

"Don't apologize. This is a tough job. Those kids are brats, I get it if you want to throw one down. I suggest Eren." Levi mumbles.

You crack a smile, pushing back enough to look up at him.

"He's a good kid Levi." You reach up, your hand resting against his cheek. "Don't treat him so roughly."

You lean forward, closing the gap between you and pressing your lips against his. Levi's hands move to your waist, pulling you closer, as if that was possible. These moments kept both of you going through the day.

"Captain- oh my-" A familiar voice broke through the silence. You pulled back from Levi, looking to your right to see Jean standing in the entrance to the stables. Levi's eyes narrowed.

"What." He spat angrily. You discreetly pinched his side as you stepped away from Levi and made your way towards Jean.

"Hm? Get tired of running already? I was only gone- what like five minutes? Let's go kid." You slap a hand against Jean's shoulder, knocking him out of his shocked state.

That'd be a hard one to hide.

Friday

Today was tense.

That was an understatement. It was awkward and tense.

"Spit it out already." Levi sighs, staring down the troops before him. Armin glances over to Eren who then looks to Mikasa. Jean tenses up, his eyes on the floor.

"Are you guys dating?" Eren finally blurts out, much to everyone's surprise.

"Eren!" Mikasa grabs his arm. "You can't ask-"

"Yes we are. Any other questions?" Levi answers in a monotone voice. The entire squad remains silent as they take in what Levi had just said. As if on cue, you walk on up, unknowing of the conversation that had just occured.

"Hey guys, what's with that look?" You asked, taking your place next to Levi.

"They asked a stupid question and I gave an answer." Levi muttered, obviously annoyed.

You grew confused as Levi stepped forward and began ordering them around as usual.

Saturday

"So what was the question." You asked, your horse slowing to walk in time with Levi's.

"Eren asked if we were dating." He sighs.

"Oh!" You straighten up, glancing over your shoulder at the troops trailing behind. The day had finally come to set off on the escourt mission, since it would take a day or two to get there the squad left in the morning. "So...you lied to them didn't you?"

"No." Levi replies.

"No?" You repeat.

"No." He confirms.

"Oh."

"Oh?" Levi asks, glancing over at you.

"Yeah. Oh." You shrug. "I just thought you would've wanted to keep us a secret to avoid all the teasing or-"

"I could care less." Levi scoffs. "If you think I actually care about their opinions, you're wrong. It's not a secret that we're together."

"Levi I think that's the sweetest thing you've ever said." You respond with a smile.

"So he is a big softy." Eren exclaimed. Levi's attention snapped to Eren as he narrowed his eyes. "Ah...nevermind."

[thedaredevilsgirl]

Dear Teacher - Part 2

warnings: teacher and student relationship (The reader is between 19 and 25 years old and please don't get involved with your teachers) angst,fluff, smut (fingering, unprotected sex -Please use a condom- dirty talk)

Word count: 3342 (surely the most I have ever written)

N/A: Hey, many people were asking, so I brought you part two of dear teacher, I hope you like it.I am creating a taglist, message me if you want to be added 💖💖

Part 1

When Tom woke up on Saturday morning he was disappointed to realize that you were no longer there, for a moment he thought that maybe it had all been a dream or just his imagination playing with him, but something inside him knew that no, that the incident had really happened.

"Incident" was how Tom was referring to the whole of Friday night. It had been a bad idea, he knew, meeting you at that bar, inviting you to sit with him, kissing you, taking you to his apartment, and everything that happened after that. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn't help it.

MONDAY:

 Tom was nervous. It was the first time he had seen her since Friday and he still didn't know how to handle it.

You walked into the auditorium that morning and it seemed that fate loved to play with you as the two of your gazes met almost instantly, he swallows dryly and you blush before quickly looking away and running to your seat at the back of the room.

 "Good morning everyone" He says starting his class, everyone in the room answers him quickly.

 "Good morning Mr. Holland" Cindy, one of your students, says cheerfully "Looks like you had a great weekend" she points to a small purple spot on your neck, all the students start laughing as soon as she notices it. You sink into your chair, wanting to hide, mortified with embarrassment, remembering very well that you made that mark on Tom who was blushing in front of everyone's eyes.

"Anyway" he huffs loudly taking the students' attention back to class "I've corrected your Brontë sisters' papers, I'm happy to say that we got very good grades, but only one got a top grade, I'll give it back to you Wednesday" he says before continuing his lesson. 

•─────✧─────•─────✧─────•

The class passes slowly, like torture for both of them, they just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. They needed to talk about what they had done, but they were more than happy not to do that today.

"That's all for today, remember to turn in your next paper on Monday and get ready for the debate next month, see you all on Wednesday" he says to everyone as his class ends. Slowly the room starts to empty, but you can't get out as a hand grabs your wrist making you turn to see who it was.

"Y/N" Mike, the boy who had missed your date on Friday was standing there holding your hand "I just wanted to apologize again for not coming on Friday, I didn't mean to ruin your weekend kitten" he apologizes.

"It's okay, really, you didn't ruin my weekend" you answer politely.

"If you want" he says getting closer to you "We can reschedule, I promise I won't cancel this time" he gives you a conquering smile.

Tom settles back in his chair, moving his hands nervously across his lap. He didn't want to hear your conversation, but as soon as he heard no names being called he started to pay attention, he had no right to be jealous, you weren't his girl, but he hoped you wouldn't accept it, you deserved much better than that boy in front of you.

"Mike, I'm sorry, but I can't accept it" You say, trying to be polite and pulling away from him a little.

"Just a date kitten" Tom rolls his eyes from where he was sitting, did he not understand what no was?

"We better just be friends" you dismiss yourself before leaving the room.

"Girls" the idiot says before leaving the room.

TUESDAY:

Thomas only saw you once that day, talking to your friends in the hallways.

He felt your gaze on him, which made his heart beat faster, and when he returned your gaze you looked away, blushing at having been caught in the act.

As he lay in his bed that night, the memories came back, he was beginning to hate it. Avoidance and being avoided, the two of them should talk about what happened instead of pretending not to and acting like children.

WEDNESDAY:

You were pacing back and forth in the hallway, debating with yourself, trying to decide whether or not to go into that office.

This morning, as Tom walked around the room handing out corrected papers to his students, he left his paper on your desk whispering a congratulations before moving on to the next student. You saw the top grade written on the first page and a little yellow post-it note placed there saying "Meet me in my office at 18:00, please".

It was still 17:50, you could still get away from there and that conversation, but you didn't want to, as nervous as you were you knew what you needed to do. You knock on the door and open it just as you hear a "come in" coming from inside.

"You came" he says getting up from his chair and gives you a shy smile.

"You asked..."

"I didn't think you would actually come."

"I think we really should talk Mr. Holland" you says nervously looking down at her own feet so she doesn't have to face him.

"Mister Holland?" He asks "I thought i asked to call me Tom"

"I can't do that"

"I understand" His voice, there was something different in it, hurt perhaps.

A silence fills the room for a few minutes before he begins to speak.

"I'm sorry about Friday."

"Why are you apologizing?" You asks without understanding.

"I just...thought you..." He sighs walking over to stand in front of your desk, only a few steps away from you.

"I don't regret what we did" You speak as soon as you realize where your speech was going.

"No?" He finally looks directly at you.

"No, my God, I loved every part of that night" a small smile appears on his lips which fades soon after as you continue to speak "But that doesn't mean it wasn't wrong, we shouldn't have let it get to that point".

"I know it wasn't, I know...it was so wrong"

For some reason it was painful to be in that room without being able to touch him again.

"I really wish I wasn't your teacher" he walks towards you "To have met you at another time, maybe then I could have had you to myself, take you out without fear of anyone seeing us, hold your hand, kiss you" His hand caresses your face and you close your eyes leaning in to feel his touch more "I wanted so much Y/N, I wanted to make you my girl...I really like you"

"Thomas, I like you too..." You sigh, your heart aching with every word spoken "But sometimes liking isn't enough for two people to stay together."

"I know, and that's the part that hurts the most" He forehead rests against yours, both of you with your eyes closed, in-between sloshed breaths that were already mingling, Tom felt a tear run down his cheek, your mouths so close "Y/N..."

"Thomas..."

"Tom man, we are late, your brothers will kill us if we are late again" Someone says opening the door suddenly just as you and he are about to kiss. The two of you quickly walk away panting for breath trying to recover from the moment, Tom quickly wipes the tear from his face. A tall blond man that you had seen other times in the halls together with Tom looks at you not understanding anything.

"Am I interrupting something?" the blond man asks suspiciously.

"No" the two of you answer quickly.

"Harrison, this is my student, Y/N" Tom introduces the two of you, perhaps as a way to change the subject "Y/N, this is Harrison Osterfield, professor in the physics department and my best friend".

"It is a pleasure to meet you Miss Y/N" He extends his hand to greet her " I have heard Tom compliment you several times, always saying that you are the best student in your class".

"My pleasure Mr. Osterfield" you shake his hand "I think he is just exaggerating a lot, anyway, I better go, I don't want to get in the way anymore, bye" you take your things and leave the room leaving the two men alone there.

"Wait a moment" He say to Harrison before coming after you.

He holds your wrist and makes you look at him, honestly he almost didn't care anymore that the two of you were standing in the middle of the empty university hallway.

"Y/N please" he says.

"Please what?" you say hurt "Do you want me to stay here? To fight for a passion that is doomed to fail? Something that could end my life at this university or end your career?

"Don't talk like that, we can make it work" he says hurt.

"I wish I was brave enough to try, I swear I do" you let go of his hand "But I'm not, it was just one night stand sex and as much as I like you I know that the sooner we get over it and move on the better, for both of us" you turn and walk away, leaving Tom standing there alone in the hallway with his hurt.

THURSDAY:

Your heart was still hurting. Last night you collapsed on your knees as soon as you got to your dorm room and let the tears finally fall, you were lucky you didn't have a roommate so you could cry all day long without having to answer questions about why you were so bad. And you cried until your eyes hurt, screamed against your pillow until your throat burned, let the sadness leave your body until you finally gave in to tiredness and went to sleep.

Tom was no better off than you, he spent the whole dinner with your family quiet while everyone else at the table talked, he wished so much that he wasn't in love with you, he wished it really had only been one-night stands, maybe then he wouldn't feel like he could die at any moment if he didn't have you by his side.

In different places, but sharing the same pain.

FRIDAY:

Tom looked across the room at you, his eyes red and his expression sad, it looked like you had been crying all night, and you really had, he wanted to go over there and hug you and tell you that everything would be okay, but he couldn't.

If they had thought Monday's class had been torture, this was something worse. Tom gave his class trying to avoid looking in your direction, while you couldn't pay attention to anything that was being said, you just wanted to go back to your room and cry some more. It was the last class of the day so you ran to your room as soon as it was over.

•─────✧─────•─────✧─────•

Tom was tapping his pen frantically on his desk, he should have been correcting his students' work but his mind was elsewhere and his head hurt like it was going to explode at any moment.

"Okay, what the fuck is going on?" Harrison asks, he was with Tom in his office and was starting to get irritated with his best friend.

"What?" Tom asks waking up from his thoughts.

"Tom you've been acting weird all fucking week, you spent the entire Wednesday dinner quiet a thing you don't often do."

"I don't know what you are talking about" he pretends to be paying attention to the papers in front of him.

"Does it have anything to do with that girl who was here?" he asks curious, Tom doesn't answer which only confirms Harrison's thoughts "Oh my god, it has everything to do with her doesn't it?".

"I really don't want to talk about it"

"You like her, that's why you're all emotional, because you can't be with her" Harrison speaks and Tom wonders when did his best friend get so good at unraveling his feelings.

"I had sex with her on Friday" Tom admits at once, his friend had already figured out pretty much everything so there was no reason to keep secrets anymore.

"WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME THAT?" he practically shouts.

"Can you keep it down please, you're acting like a teenager, we passed that stage a long time ago and I don't want the whole campus to find out."

"I'm not the one acting like a teenager, you are, getting all angry and quiet over something that can easily be resolved" Harrison rolls his eyes as he states the obvious.

"She doesn't want me Harrison, she likes me, but she doesn't want me, she's scared and I can't judge her because I am too, this could destroy my teaching career and end her reputation here"

"Tom, isn't she one of the students graduating this year?" Harrison asked even though he already knew the answer.

"Yeah"

"Dude, she's graduating in less than 5 months and you're telling me that the two of you can't keep this relationship a secret for 5 months?"

"I..." Tom hadn't stopped to think about it.

"I'm sure you two can make it work."

"What if she's not willing to try?"

"You should at least try, Holland, go out there and fight for your girl" He encourages his friend.

"I think you are right, I will do it".

"Of course I'm right" He smiles smugly "Anyway, I don't want to have to put up with your sadness any longer" He says laughing.

•─────✧─────•─────✧─────•

It was almost midnight when you hear someone knocking on your dormitory door, you get out of bed and go to open the door.

"Thomas what are you doing here?" You ask as you see him standing outside, he walks into your dorm still without giving any explanation, you close the door and turn to see him "What kind of idiotic idea is this to come to my dorm, someone could see you here, how would we explain this?" You ask in an agitated manner.

Tom doesn't answer at first, he just looks at you, the baggy sweatshirt too big for your body, the hair tied back with a few strands falling in front of your face and the glasses on the end of your nose, and he can't resist. He walks toward you and kisses you, holding your face between his hands, his hands against your chest as you respond to his kiss, his heart beating hard in his chest and the sense of relief that he is kissing you again after what seems like the longest week of his life.

"I'm sorry" he says pulling away "I didn't come to do this, I just wanted to talk and..."

"It's okay" he fixes his glasses on his face.

"Y/N, I really like you, this is so stupid, I just... I want to try this, it's only five months until you graduate, we can make it...

"Tom" you try to interrupt him but he keeps talking non-stop.

"...to do this, I'm sure it wouldn't be easy at first and it's not the kind of relationship that's ideal or the relationship that someone like you deserves..."

"Tom" calls him again.

"But I'm willing to try, for you, for us, I want to try..." You kiss him again making him stop talking.

"I'm willing to try Tom" you say between kisses and he smiles "For us"

"I didn't think you would accept, I was already preparing myself for a no" you both laugh.

He sits down on your bed and pulls you to sit on his lap with each leg on one side of your body, he takes the glasses off your face and places them on your desk before kissing you.

"Damn, I missed that" he sighs between the kiss.

"It's literally only been a week" you say smiling.

"Really? It's felt like forever" he kisses you more intensely this time, his hands gripping your hips tightly making you move over his lap, the kisses slide down your face to your neck, you throw your head back.

"Tom" you say his name as a plea, his hands slide up your thigh squeezing you firmly.

"What do you want princess?" He asks with his head in the curve of your neck before leaving a small bite in that region.

"You, Thomas, I need you" you slowly roll over in his lap feeling his already hard length under you "please".

He smiles smugly at your response. Your sweatshirt is removed leaving you in just your panties and Tom lays you down on your bed placing his body on top of yours .

"This has been the most torturous week of my life" he removes the rest of his clothes and throws them on the floor "I couldn't get you out of my mind" he leaves a kiss on her neck exactly where he had "I thought about how I wanted to feel you again" the kisses descend to the top of her breasts and one of his hands grab her thigh wrapping her leg around his waist while the other goes down to her intimacy pulling her panties apart just enough for two fingers to touch them "That pussy is so wet, all this for me honey? "

"Yes, all for you Tom" he smiles at her answer before penetrating her with his fingers causing a quiet moan to come from her lips.

"Good girl."

"Your girl" you sigh ecstatic with pleasure.

"Fuck" Tom kisses you again, your words making him even harder than he already was "Say that again " he thrusts his fingers inside you reaching that wonderful spot inside you.

"I.Am.Your.Girl."

"My girl."

He had barely started and you were already so close, but he doesn't let you get there, teases you to the edge before stopping and doing it all over again.

"Please stop teasing me, I'm so close" you beg.

"No princess, I want you to cum around my dick" He says pulling his fingers out of you and removing your panties before turning you both over on the bed making you stand on top, he sits against the headboard as you rest your hands on his shoulders "now ride me like the good girl I know you are".

You sit on his member feeling him fill you completely, you both moan the moment you are finally together, standing still for a moment to get used to his size. Moving slowly until you finally get into a rhythm.

"So so good" he moans, his hand gripping her throat the way he remembered he had made her go crazy last time "So beautiful riding my dick" his other hand leaves a slap on her ass making her moan his name out loud as she throws her head, back rolling over in his lap .

"Tom I'm so close" you say as he gives you a push with his hips making his cock hit your G-spot, his hand making circular motions against your clit this time.

"Come to me then baby" he says and with a few more movements you are enjoying his wrist making you come next, your head falls on his shoulder and he spreads kisses down your neck as you recover from your recent orgasm.

•─────✧─────•─────✧─────•

You were wearing your shirt now, your head lying on his chest as he stroked your hair.

"You'll still be here when I wake up, right?

"Well this is my dorm so I can't leave" you say as a joke.

"I'm serious Y/N" he says laughing.

"Yeah, I'm not going anywhere" you smile fondly returning to lie on his chest closing your eyes almost falling asleep with his affection.

"Good, I don't want you to leave, I want you forever" he kisses the top of your head before falling asleep with you in his arms, no goodbyes this time.