#my therapy? spending too much money at ikea and leaving a fortune at the concerts

[andyourhostkristenwiig]

Soo I realised I just dropped off the face of the earth after saying my grandma was at the hospital.

Well, things got really bad really quickly. That night, Sunday, they did operate her and we got a call that she made it through just fine at shortly before midnight.

But then on Monday morning my mom called me to tell me my grandma wouldn't make it through the day anymore. I had the option to say goodbye to her one last time but she wasn't really conscious and on all sort of wires so I said I couldn't do it. That just couldn't be the last image I had of her in my head.

Barely 3 hours later my mom called to tell me she's gone.

And this was really hard on me. It came so sudden, there was never a thought that this would be it, there was always the thought "Oh we'll do this with her when she's back home."

My grandma was a big part of my every day life. For 7 years now I've done her weekly grocery shopping with or for her. I spent lunch breaks with her if she had an appointment near my work. I cooked and ate with her at least once a month. Sometimes I'd pick her up to go eat because we were both alone at home. The other day I passed the place we would eat at, and had to quickly walk away because I had to cry at the thought that I would never eat there again with her.

But what's getting to me the worst is that after this festival was through, when I could go on vacation again, we wanted to go to Vienna together. She said she's always wanted to go but never got to with my grandpa. So we agreed that we'd start planning in Fall. It really pains that I couldn't give her this.

Work is stressful, it's hard to lose someone who's been such a big part of your daily routine. So I'm actually only working on like medium heat right now.

These past three days, I've grabbed a friend and attended three concerts in three different cities and it's really helped blow off steam. The shouting, the dancing...also Kristen's SNL episode couldn't have come at a better time.

We're all a bit lost right now. I officially don't have grandparents anymore before ai turn 30 and I'm honestly having a hard time dealing with that because all of my sisters and cousins got so much more time with our grandparents. Ironically, or maybe it's a sign idk, the funeral will be held on the 8th anniversary of my grandpa's death and she will be reunited with him officially.