#my sympathy requires prior authorization

[verdantcrimson]

Heaven and Earth / Creation of Heaven and Earth - 7

(Unproofread)

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[After school that same day, in the ES reception room.]

Keito: Now, I’ll summarize the issue at hand for Anzu, who probably doesn’t understand what is happening very well.

Keito: We, AKATSUKI, have been asked to host a long-running show ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’, that any history buff worth their salt knows about.

Kuro: By the way, little miss Anzu, have ya ever heard of ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’? Ya haven’t, right?

Keito: Quit trying to increase the number of your brethren in ignorance.

Souma: Fufu. You say you have yet to properly sit down and watch it, but you know of its name? Well, it does appear understandably difficult and complex to become invested in.

Souma: I too have beckoned for my younger brother to “come and watch” with me, but he does not spare a glance.

Kuro: Haha, wouldn’t it be more fun for a growin’ boy to move his body?

Keito: Back to what I was saying earlier. We’ve been entrusted with this major role, but a problem has cropped up.

Kuro: The issue is that I’m an idiot.

Keito: I’ve come up with a workaround for that bit, so it’s no longer an issue.

Souma: Hasumi-dono is far too strict in his refusal to retort with the simpler, “You aren’t an idiot,” phrase. ~♪

Keito: You’re being annoying. Also, Kiryu isn’t an idiot, generally speaking, he just can’t study. There’s a difference.

Keito: The problem I was referring to, of course, is the ‘Three Sages.’

Keito: These ‘Three Sages’ are authorities in the field for the countless historians that have supported ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’ throughout the years. Without their cooperation, this show just wouldn’t work.

Souma: Umu. We are not academics, but ‘aidoru’, for which reason we so desperately require the assistance of such experts.

Keito: Exactly. However, for better or worse, these exalted scholars were quite unique—

Keito: They had their own set of conditions for us to follow. Though it seemed like they’d be cooperative if we fulfilled them,

Keito: All of these conditions are ill-matched, and in theory, it seems impossible to fulfill all of them.

Keito: Now, we need to figure out what to do. Do you understand now, Anzu?

Kuro: No really, what’re we supposed t’do…? Both Hideyoshi-sensei and Nobunaga-sensei said the same thing, come to think of it. Turns out ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’ is a total landmine of a job after all.

Kuro: We’re just dumbasses that jumped for joy, and fell right into a trap.

Souma: Now Kiryu-dono, let us try and think of this the other way around. I believe that it may be precisely because we are without a proven record of accomplishments unlike the ‘beterans’ of our agency, that the responsibility of handling such a precarious case has been entrusted to us young people.

Keito: I agree with Kanzaki’s view on this.

Kuro: Why’re you two just freakishly in sync these days!? You ‘good at studyin’’ folks are conspirin’ together, aren’tcha? Little miss, you’re on my side though, right? Won’t ya come to the ‘can’t study for shit’ side…?

Keito: Don’t act like a baby to gain Anzu’s sympathy, Kiryu… But seriously, what side would you take, Anzu? I’ve always thought that you were sincere, and a hard worker, so your grades must be good, right?

Souma: Hmm. Anzu-dono is currently enrolled in the ‘purodyuusu’ course, so I cannot say for certain, however, the year prior, her grades were of a generally average nature. They were neither good nor bad.

Kuro: If ya studied super hard and still got an average grade, that must mean you must’ve been a pretty terrible student in the past.

Keito: Don’t try to recruit fellow bad students. Quit trying to run from reality, Kiryu. It’d be best if you tried to be reborn as a wiser version of yourself.

Kuro: Easy for you to say, but y’know… I can’t change that fast. I mean, I worked real hard to finally be reborn at the level I am right now.

Keito: Yes. I acknowledge your hard work.

Keito: Effort will never betray a person. People are only ever betrayed by people.

Souma: Those are meaningful words. Unfailingly, problems can be attributed to people.

Keito: That applies to our current predicament as well. What should we do, Anzu?

Keito: I would like to hear your opinion.

Kuro: Careful now, little miss. If ya answer with somethin’ strange, Hasumi’s gonna blow his lid.

Keito: Stop fooling around. If Anzu had been even a little less self-assertive of a person, she would’ve shriveled up by now.

Keito: —Hm, I see. Decide on what our priorities are, huh?

Keito: It’s better to be selective, and decide on what you want to accomplish, rather than try to accomplish everything and risk ending up with nothing.

Keito: That sounds fair. Nothing good comes from being greedy.

Keito: And naturally, what’s most important to us is the progress of AKATSUKI.

Kuro: As an idol, ya should’ve answered with somethin’ more like “the smiles of our fans.”

Keito: If we’re very successful and sparkle brightly, our fans will be pleased and smile anyways, right?

Keito: We would like to bolster our reputation by hosting ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth.’ However, in order for the show to be a success, we need the cooperation of the ‘Three Sages.’

Keito: However, in order to get them to cooperate with us, we have to meet their conditions—

Keito: …I’m just repeating myself. What I’m trying to say is that the order of priorities is (1) AKATSUKI’s progression, (2) Getting ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’ approved, and (3) the feelings of the ‘Three Sages.

Keito: In the most extreme case, even if we are unable to achieve (2) or (3), accomplishing just (1) would be fine.

Keito: … Hm? What is it, Anzu?

Keito: If you have something to add, don’t be afraid to say it. That is why I called you here, after all.

Keito: I see… That sounds drastic, but I guess it’s technically possible.

Keito: It’s not like we’d be punished for trying. Oi Kiryu, Kanzaki—

Keito: Let’s prepare whatever documents and materials we’ll need by tomorrow.

Keito: As per Anzu’s suggestion, we’ll make a trial version of ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’ on our own.

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[hypnothesis-au]

A Double Act [Part 3]

Same deal, go to Part 1 and/or Part 2 if you haven’t been there yet!

Octavio only laughed in response, his teeth flashing white as they landed with a sharp thump upon the little mesh slat next to his make-shift octobeacon, a glowing ring indicating their point of contact. He relished the surge of adrenaline the jump had pumped through him, suddenly aware of how anxiously the android was gripping his hoodie. The octarian examined every line, reflective ridge, and perfectly buffed plane of their face, enjoying the momentary peace between them before he finally helped them back to their feet. Shakily, Tartar finally acknowledged when he began to put them down, bracing themself with a hand on his shoulder until their balance had recalibrated to the new setting. They stepped away from him not long after, turning and huffing as they watched the frantic reactions of the carnival-goers below that had witnessed Octavio’s stunt. There was an expected amount of shock, some laughter, and quite a bit of mortified pleading from the employees below-- though, with the distance between them and the top of the ferris wheel, the requests to get down were scarcely audible. For the moment, at least until they were shouted at over the intercoms, the authority defiant streak within the AI urged them to mockingly stick their tongue out at the fitful Octarians. Octavio turned and approached the edge of platform, shoving his hands back into the warmth of his hoodie pocket. He closed his eyes, savoring the feeling of the wind on his tentacles. “You aren’t a soldier, T.” He murmured matter-of-factly, “...But you’ve seen ya fair share of war, and death.” He lifted his head, his eyes drifting along blackened landmarks upon the horizon. “You want the same thing every good soldier wants.”

Tartar turned away from the commotion, unbothered, in time to hear their partner’s words. He didn’t even know the half of it. “Hm. And what exactly are you supposing that is?” They were almost amused by it, wondering how they were both still entertaining this topic-- but significantly more at peace, at least, knowing there would be no changing his mind regardless of the outcome.

Octavio’s fingers closed around a piece of gold in his pocket. “An honorable death. An end to all the suffering and pain.” The Octarian could have been proud of himself, felt accomplished for reading into them so well, but the knowledge only weighed on him. He burned to incite hope back into their life, to give them a reason, a passion to live for. His children had been that for him, if only he could bring them to understand… death was not the only way to put an end to misery. Octavio pulled out the coin, rubbing it between his forefinger and thumb. He kept his back to them to hide the turmoil in his eyes.

The AI’s impulse was to parrot the obvious lie, machines don’t feel pain, but knowing he wouldn’t believe it anyways, they refrained. “. .. So what?”

Turning, finding themself at the edge of the platform, Tartar slowly took a crouching position and folded their arms over their knees. As far as Octavio knew, that was their final goal in all of this; and who were they to argue? The AI knew secretly what completing their directive would bring upon both the world and themself, and a part of them knew that if their conscious operation was no longer required after all was said and done… then they found no reason to prolong their ‘life’, if it could even be called that. Perhaps, they hoped, by some divine mercy they would finally be granted a reunion with their Professor...

“Machines are built to complete the tasks they were built for, and then when they are no longer needed, they are put out of commision. Deconstructed. You would know,” they turned their head slightly to nod to him, “you’ve spent a century rebuilding and taking things apart... There’s no purpose in remaining once my directive is complete, so I suppose you could say, that’s all I really ‘want’. That’s what I work towards, and I care little for the distractions of this world that prolong it.”

"The lines for that 'spare parts' argument start ta blur when the machines get sentient."  Since the argument had started, Octavio had been itching for a cigarette. Nicotine helped take the edge off their viperous tongue. Mindful of their hatred towards this habit, he instead placed the coin between his teeth, heads side up. "If what ya say is true, then you of all creatures are most to be pitied." He replaced the coin after he spoke, humming thoughtfully, feeling the piece of metal vibrate against his teeth. They looked surprisingly small, crouching there with the whole world beneath their feet. ‘You're so damn good at lyin', T, you even convinced yourself.’

Tartar bristled somewhat at the mentioning of Octavio’s sympathy, even their self-sacrificial mentality unable to curb the swell of pride towards their directive. “I don’t need pity, especially not from you,” they hissed, “all I’ve ever asked for is your cooperation. Not… this--”

They flung a hand to the air in a lazy gesture towards his prying, moving to stand and pausing under his gaze. They weren’t sure what to make of the coin dangling from his mouth, eyeing the intricate gold stamp of a Zapfish tail. Though at that point they weren’t sure they could make sense of any of the Octarian’s motives. His eyes, though, spoke far more seriously of the conversation at hand. This put Tartar significantly more at ease, believing he had at last understood the weight of what they were disclosing to him. Leaving in agreement on the subject seemed far from possible, but they felt urged to see that their partner did not leave feeling so troubled by what he now knew.

The android shrugged then, stating calmly, “Perhaps it is sad, you might think; most sentient creatures have some base desire to live. After 12’000 years of doing such, however, that is a desire I do not share. That’s just the way it is. I’ve accepted it, and though you may not, it’d spare you the difficulty of your efforts if you did.”

They turned away uneasily at this, knowing if they didn’t speak up now, the argument would be tossed around in yet another pointless circle between both of their stubborn attitudes. They started a few times, feeling themself having to shoot down that same swollen pride to admit, “I know I’m not a pleasant individual to try getting along with. I try not to be. But... nothing is more important to me than what we’re trying to accomplish, and I value your contributions to it pricelessly. If I didn’t respect you for what you’ve done, then perhaps I’d lie just as sweetly to you as I do the rest of these creatures and be your friend. I know where I’m going, and it’s somewhere you can’t follow, so I don’t want you to waste your time with something that’s beyond your control. I wouldn’t… want to do that to you. That would be truly pitiful.”

A huff that was just short of a laugh left their throat as they voiced with a hint of ironic humor, “So, in short, leave me alone. That’s always been the easier answer, now hasn’t it?”

"Ya ever put sugar onna lemon, T? It doesn't make it sweet, it's jus' a buffer for when ya get to the soul puckerin' bitterness." Octavio pursed his lips thoughtfully, the gold piece flashing between his fingers. "So, you're right, I should thank ya for being honest with me." His voice softened, his eyes kinder, "I don't do," he gestured towards the distant carnival lights "This, outta pity, It's like ya said. I respect ya, and value your time n opinion. It's only--." He bit down on the coin with his back molars, thoughtfully, anxiously. ‘You live in a cardboard box with peepholes cut out of the side. How easy is it to judge something when you have never felt, never lived. To cast your condemning, scornful glance upon all who pass, from the safety of your little box. You existed for 12,000 years, but you never thought once to live.’ 

Octavio knelt beside them, his eyes now level with theirs. Several times, he seemed about to say something, his gaze searching their optics. He reached out to cautiously grab their wrists, placing his hands palm-up in their grasp. He spoke in Octarian, "I want you to understand something; though you don't want or care to have me as your confidante, the offer will always be open." He stared at his own palms for a moment, distracted with the idea that the same hands could do equal amounts of evil and good. The android rested their hands in his as long as they could bear. Despite having already clung to him in a panic not five minutes prior, this was different. More vulnerable, too much so for their sensors to process-- a malfunction-wrought compression of ink within their chest cavity told them so. He stood again, offering to help them up as well, and upon doing so Tartar reflexively jerked their arms back once on their feet, nervously flexing their fingers against each other and offering no reprehension, nor explanation to their aversion.

This exchange had produced a rare occasion; they had achieved a perfect understanding of one another. Octavio had pocketed his own pride and passed the decision into their court; convinced they would never, ever act on his offer.

Watching him cautiously and with a tilted expression, the AI contemplated said offer. It was a surrender enough to leave the initiative to them, but Tartar almost felt compelled to spit that he always had a way of forcing out their disclosure regardless. They stopped when the thought was equally countered with whether or not the urge to openness was truthfully a flaw on their own part. Their optics wandered, over their bandmate, across the stretch of carnival grounds, and back to the platform that perched them both above it all-- and they laughed.

Perhaps the complete absurdity of the situation had finally caught up with them, the severity of the past discussion having worn their mainframe down to the near disbelief that they now stood side by side with such a simple impasse having been met. But, their vocal hardware did in fact ring out with a mechanical kind of amusement at the fact.

Octavio started in surprise, taking a step backwards as they erupted in chiming peals of laughter. However ridiculous the setting, he could find no humor in it. The melodic chortles gave rise to emotions he could not place. His brow furrowed with the swell of inner chaos, illness creeping into his stomach. They were right again, for the most part. It was better to remain lateral, indifferent. Impossible. The very nature of their collaboration preyed upon his mortal sympathy and compassion. They were magnets with like poles, the closer they got, the more repulsed they became.

Tartar covered their face with a sleeved hand to spectate through their laughter, “So it only took the entirety of a broken circus contraption and some fatally dangerous stunts to reach this conclusion, did it? How ... fascinating,” a snort broke their sentence, “Very well then. I won’t forget your offer, if it makes you feel better.” The inner turmoil had far from left them, rather, it felt more as it it had raged itself into a storm in their core, an electric sting pushed behind their eyes for a reason they couldn’t place. Didn’t want to acknowledge, for as extensively as they preached how unbothered they felt by organic emotions. They didn’t need his idea of help, didn’t want it-- or, knew they couldn’t want it. This certainly was not the kind of variable they had accounted for in the devising of their plans… The android was at once anxious to leave the scenario, before their train of thought manifested into something they couldn’t exercise their asphyxiating self-control over. “I’d prefer to stay busy with work. It has proved to be an excellent diversion from these egregious kinds of ideas, you know.”

Octavio wasn’t accustomed to having peers, and even less accustomed to being told no. The corners of his eyes flashed green and something compressed under his ribs, searing hot. Why? Again that question pressed, why did he care what happened to them? Intellectually he understood Tartar’s wishes perfectly, he could respect it and them, his own craving for death a familiar acerbity. Regardless, his heart rebelled, it cursed karma, fate, whatever force responsible for driving the AI to depression. His logic spoke now; forcing back the tide of his fervor. It was karma, to remain impassioned colleges and nothing more; contractual amity. They had their path, and he had his. Their paths converged here, but would soon diverge again, it was such a childish notion to… To extend companionship?! His heart roared, offended and aghast.

The ferris wheel lights flickered off, and then on again, the whole machine trembled and lurched, creaking back to life. Octavio’s eyes snapped to the scene below, crashing back to reality as a voice blared over the loudspeaker, “The ride is moving again. Please take your seats!” He offered the android his arm, smirking mirthlessly in the knowledge that the last comment had been directed towards them. “Shall we?” Tartar finally managed to calm themself, more than eager to depart from any more conversation when the intercom blared with a ear-splitting squeak to usher the two back to their cart. They snickered, their indifferently sarcastic farce restored enough to nearly erase the evidence that they had ever been so perturbed in the first place. The AI retorted, “We’re so getting kicked out for this, you know-- hope you had fun while you could.”

They braced themself against his arm and looked down to the seat they had left behind, knowing it would be unwise to keep both the carnival workers and other ferris wheel occupants waiting any longer to dismount, due to their own horrendously reckless behavior. Octavio found the return jump was dismal compared to the first, and he had returned to the carriage with a heavier burden than when he had left it. Waving down to the employees and flashing their trademark grin, Tartar ensured that they and their partner had returned to their seat (relatively) safely, and the ride began a cautious and snail-like crawl to allow it’s passengers their respective exits. Once settled, Octavio produced a music player from his pocket. “Speaking of work, cod I could use some music.” He forced his hands to steady, placing one of the buds in his right ear, offering the second one to Tartar. “This’ something I’ve been workin’ on.” The influx of melodic dubstep soothed his perturbed reflections as they traversed their steady descent.

When Octavio offered them the other half of his earbuds, they briefly glanced between his face and his hand, finally reaching for the device hesitantly and placing it in their ear. They listened with a passive lack of interest-- instead, knowing he wasn’t looking granted them the confidence to stare with an almost unnerving concentration, watching his expression change from a notable turbulence to his usual laid-back demeanor. So he was bothered by their reaction to his gesture-- to their having such a divergent mentality from what they could assume was the norm in his life thus far.

Understood, perhaps, but unfulfilled by said understanding for a reason they couldn't place; Tartar knew privately that if they hadn't laughed away the turmoil of the evening… they may have cried instead. They weren't sure why-- this was what they had wanted, wasn't it? Octavio now knew they wanted distance above all else. It couldn't be helped that he was disappointed, it seemed, and though that prospect made them irreparably uneasy, they knew they would have to accept the complication as long as they continued to work together. Perhaps, with enough time, he'd get used to it, knowing their partnership was intended to be temporary anyways. They were sure he'd have to, far too repelled themself by any of the alternative solutions.

Upon finally reaching the bottom of the ferris wheel once again, the two were met with less than pleased faces from the employees who had approached to 'greet' them. Tartar emulated the sound of clearing their throat, helping themself out of the cart with a grin and removing their cap to take a dramatic bow before the group.

"My friend and I make pretty radical acrobats ourselves, huh? Think we're cut out to be an act?" Their 'contemporary speech' came easily, the idol personality a muscle memory programmed to every wire of their body-- though the charming humor seemed to do little to impress the aggravated workers, it certainly helped the AI pretend to forget what had transpired. They never truly would. "Tough crowd," they wheezed shortly as they were ushered away from the ferris wheel, replacing their hat and pressing their hands together, "I do apologize for any bugging out our slick stunts may have caused! Violating fairground rules is pretty lame when it spoils people's fun; I'll see to it that those bad vibes are made up for, and then some!"

Octavio’s jaw remained set while the workers with condemning nervous smiles, guided them away. Unlike Tartar, he offered no apology or explanation. Instead, he wrestled his arm from the grip of an employee, his glare daring them to try restraining him. He turned and stalked towards the locker he’d rented. The Octarian dug into his backpack, hooking the straps of a new mask behind his ears and swinging the bag to its place on his shoulder. He was in the act of slamming the locker shut when he glimpsed the pointed tail of the plushie he’d won earlier at the ring-toss booth. Octavio retrieved the toy, kneading the plush fabric in his hands. He ran a finger over its bright glass eyes, staring intently into the doll’s static expression. Gradually, it began to tremble in his grasp. Octavio made up his mind and shoved the prize into his backpack, breaking into a jog to catch up with Tartar at the gate of the carnival...

[E N D]

Part 1 Part 2 >Part 3

[thegodthief]

No Favour To Return

I am breaking my self-imposed exile from Tumblr because I had responded to a Tumblrite on my main blog and felt led to repost it here now in case the intentionally anonymized Tumblrite is still present and wants my response.

“This is probably not helpful, because I’m much younger than you and not part of any community to speak of but: I have been quietly following you since I made a tumblr to follow people with because I was in a cult in my teens and something no one ever talks about is the ANGER and the HURT and the way that it just KEEPS GOING even as I keep going– the way that it so overtly breaks you and so subtly continues to break even years later– but you. You talk about it. And that– that is a light for me. Not because of ‘it gets better’ or anything hopefully trite like that, but because it /doesn’t/, you just live with it better and worse and your writing sets it out so plain– trauma is trauma, and even in the older pagan/polytheist circles I’ve found, no one likes to just face up to the scars. You do, though, and write it so well– I don’t know. It helps, and I can’t say that I can return the favour at all– but it helps. So. Thank you. I am sorry you hurt so much.“

My response: 

That was a message sent to my Tumblr blog quite some time ago. I never answered it publicly there because I didn’t want to expose the sender to undue harassment.

It’s funny how whenever I brought up the abuses I experienced in the Christian cults that the responses would mostly lie at two extremes. Either there would be an avalanche of people declaring that my abuses are why Christianity needed to be crushed, wiped out, and made illegal, and in doing so, be completely blind to the fact that they are continuing the very same thoughtcrime punishments that my abusers did but with a different name. To them Christianity was a virus that required purging even if it meant destroying the youngest and most vulnerable of hosts.

Or there would be a large number of professed Christians who would drown my inbox with messages of love and sympathy while doing their damndest best to make sure I did not identify them with my abusers. But they didn’t realize that in making sure that they stood on the neck of those who hurt me, they were also stepping on the neck of their victims who believed them or could not escape them at the time.

Both groups, in making sure I knew that they were not like those evil people over there, also made sure I knew that to them, I was responsible for what was done to me because of my beliefs at the time. They didn’t come right out and say it in those clear words, but they made it clear that anyone who yielded to the abusers, deserved the abuse.

There is still a vicious judgement from those who have never been hurt in this way when the question of “Why didn’t you run?” is finally spoken. I have had one baptised, redeemed, washed in the Blood™, gentle soul of a Christian tell me to my face that it was obvious that the only reason I remained in the cults for so long, was because I obviously had to have enjoyed being exorcised beaten, because she wouldn’t tolerate even a rude word spoken in her presence.

Those of us who have been prey, have been taught how to recognize a predator. And many in the various religious, spiritual, occult, and/or metaphysical circles have that predatorial aura to them even though they will declare to their own people how welcoming and safe they are. Folks like me who have come through don’t want to trade one master for another, but we are not given space to find out how to master our own lives, much less how to learn how to navigate our freedom.

I have rage the depths of which I am only now beginning to understand in the literal decade since my apostasy. It took stepping back and looking at not only the cults themselves I was involved in, but the actual cultural fabric of my country, my socio-economic class, and the racial entanglements that made me vulnerable in the first place.

But so many people don’t want to look at how all those pieces interconnect to create snares and shackles that are hard to avoid and harder to escape. It is so much easier to point to the Person Who Got Away™ and blame them for being hurt. It is so much easier to say that their community would not have allowed this than recognize that their community would not have accepted the runner because the runner is the wrong ethnicity, age, gender, excuse.

It is so much easier to tell the Person Who Got Away™ that because they don’t know, they can’t help, and because they can’t help, they won’t try to help. And it’s not like you were really hurt, because no one knows that the mask you wear is glued to your face by your dried tears and snot.

After I declared myself apostate, every year I avoided everything possible during the Christmas Season until last year. My family thought I was being surly. My coworkers thought I was being a bitch. How do you explain to people that the church body you believed in and supported had told you that you were too demonically tainted to participate in church body Christmas celebrations, so either stay away or better yet, allow yourself to be locked in this small room with a bible and a chair so you can study away the demons that would otherwise ruin Christmas for everyone else, and because of that, any group gathered for doing something Christmasy sends you into a panic attack because you are expecting to be asked to lock yourself away again? (Or that because of that anxiety, you are not comfortable in any public celebratory group, and you’re leaving so no one sees you crying?)

You don’t.

You make excuses like how you made excuses for the bruises, the cracked rib, the lack of spending money, your unavailability to your unapproved friends, your subservience to anyone with a loud enough voice.

You continue keeping the abusers safe.

That is how the abuse keeps going even though it has been years since I was in the same space as them. It’s just easier to let people think that you’re just “odd”, rather than you’re dealing with PTSD.

Last year, when Christmas season began (prior to Halloween, what the hell!), I stopped hiding. When people asked why I wasn’t at the numerous (formal and informal) work related parties, I had only four words to tell them. “That’s not my thing.” Because of my work, I have many clients who feel they are entitled to more personal information about me and would ask if I was brought up “that way” or if something happened.

“Don’t worry about it.” If they persisted, my answer would be more blunt. “That is not for discussion.” I may not be declaring what was done to me, but I’m not making excuses, either.

I am as I am and I will not adjust myself to make you comfortable because you want to continue believing that your personal value system of choice has never been used for harm.

I will tend to my scars and make myself comfortable as best as I can in the environments I am in now.

And that makes people who don’t have those scars uncomfortable.

So here I am, a decade into my apostasy, and involved in Christianish things like saints, and angels, and prayer, and the like. I have had people drop ugly messages in my inbox about obviously not being able to function like a “normal human” because I’m apparently going back to my abusers. There have been declarations that I deserve whatever pain comes from my actions, because if I hadn’t learned before how evil Christianity was before, then I’ll never learn.

Something something dog vomit something.

And ya know what… that is fucking abusive. That I’m choosing to walk out this part of my recovery from the cults by making the active and aware choice to investigate and explore other ways Christianity can present itself is seen as a sign of mental illness requiring physical restraint is abusive. Those of you who say/type that are no different, and no better, than the people who tried to literally beat the devil out of me.

I will not hide that some of my wounds are still mending. I will not hide that some of my scars itch at the sounds of certain words. But the fact that I can recite the Pater Noster with a grieving client in my office and grant her five minutes of peace will always triumph over whatever ugliness people with agendas try to carve out of my side.

*deep breaths to let the rage evaporate*

My Dear Reader, I don’t know if you now follow this blog or if you are still only viewing what is on Tumblr, but I hope, and pray, that comfort, healing, rest, and solace reaches you. That you are able to find how to clean your wounds and soothe your scars in ways that don’t damage you further. That you have found a path to come out of the pain still etched in your memories so you can create new memories with new sensations. And that however you come through, whether through kink and/or abstinence, silence and/or exposure, stillness and/or creativity, abandonment of what you grew up in and/or discovery of something else to mature in, that you come through on your terms, to your health, and for your recovery.

If you still feel indebted to me and want to return the favour, do this: Live however you damn well feel like living, and we’ll call it good.

I grant permission and encouragement to any and all who wish to reblog and/or repost the above words with the condition that I, Kerian Nox, am not removed as author. I understand how Tumblr ignores posts with external links, so you may link back to this one as your source if necessary.

*resumes exile*

Go all now in peace.

[ghoultyrant]

FoZ Notes 22

Okay, here we go, final volume of the series. Not likely to be much added value here, but I took these notes regardless, so I’m posting them.

---------------------------------

We open with a bit about Brimir and Sasha, showing he put the Lífþrasir rune on her to potentially avert catastrophe while really hoping he didn't have to do so. It seems to be implied he doesn't want to get Sasha killed, but it's ambiguous and could be taken as him not wanting to nuke the Elves or something of the sort. Looking back after reading the rest of the volume... I honestly have no idea how this is meant to be taken.

The narrative refers to Colbert as being one of the 'rare realists' of Halkegina. That's... morbidly comedic in how grossly wrong it is, but there you go: Colbert is supposed to be a realist in the pessimistic sense of 'that sounds too good to be true, so it probably isn't true'.

Vitorrio apparently already knows that the place Saito comes from is 'the holy land'. I... have far too many questions...

Vitorrio dumps on us a backstory about how Brimir being God or Jesus-analogue is a lie and actually Brimir came from Earth and all magical nobles come from Earth having fled from the technology-using humans who are our ancestors. This is dumb nonsense, but foreshadowed dumb nonsense. Much worse is Vitorrio randomly claiming commoners haven't awakened to their magical power as an inevitable consequence of 'the blood thinning', where returning to Earth is supposed to be a solution. HOW???

If magic is a genetically inherited thing where breeding with non-mages is 'diluting' magical blood and reducing the portion of the population who can do magic, going back to Earth with it's technophile non-mage population is the OPPOSITE of a solution to magic power fading. Furthermore, how did we end up with mages in a minority in the first place? Did the original mages actually run away with a massive population of non-mages? If so, why? Were they slaves? SO MANY slaves that Halkeginia is predominantly non-mages? 'cause if so I have zero sympathy for the population that became Halkeginians.

Furthermore, Halkeginia is FILLED with magical races! If Vittorio wants to make magical humans the default form of human and the narrative is going to invoke magical eugenics while making Vitorrio entirely amoral in pursuit of his goals, the correct solution is to fight to overcome human prejudice against elves and orcs and other demihumans and in fact attempt to institutionally encourage cross-species breeding between commoners and assorted magical species. It's not like this series has been shy about sexualizing eg Tabitha's dragon when she's in human form, so you can’t tell me the series is shying away from bestiality undertones!

But no, Vitorrio's True Plan For Real This Time is literally to conquer Earth in some insane, nonsensical attempt to Get Magic Back. And of course nobody calls him on this being utterly insane nonsense that cannot POSSIBLY accomplish his stated goal.

Okay, and he also wants to conquer Earth to escape the Wind Stone-based catastrophe, with eyebrow-raising logic about how surely nobles will survive it just fine and only commoners will die, but seriously the magic genetics bit is blatant, horrifying nonsense, and it’s Vittorio’s inner thoughts so there’s no room to headcanon it as a lie or something else that would excuse this awfulness.

Also Vitorrio magically gets to drain Saito's life force as a side effect of opening the door. No explanation or justification provided. Just... loldrama.

This conveniently causes Saito to go into an Expositional Flashback™ in which he meets Brimir again and Brimir conveys that he's trying to kill all elves everywhere because "we can't understand each other", with this somehow supposed to be connected to magic stone catastrophe stuff. So, you know, stuff we already knew that doesn't make any more sense than last time.

When we cut back to Louise and company, we learn they immediately screwed off to wring their hands over Saito's unconscious form, instead of fighting Vitorrio’s horrible plan. Really?

Louise is explicitly willing to DIE to prevent Earth from being invaded... but no one entertains the notion of eg killing Vitorrio to stop his nonsense. Nah, they're going to try to talk him out of his insane plan. Really?

Henrietta is now using -dono when referring to Saito. Are you kidding me?

Henrietta and Vitorrio magically recognize a relatively modern pistol as being better than Halkeginian firearms... by just looking at the pistol laying around. Not testing it and seeing it has superior performance, or even remarking on something like it being made of parts too fine for a smith to pull together so precisely. Just... magically knowing it's good on sight.

Vitorrio also reveals that Earthlings have somehow invaded Halkeginian in ages past via a never-before-established natural portal between the world's, and now claims he wants to hit Earth before Earth figures out how to harness the Void (Why he thinks non-mages will be ABLE to do so goes unexplained) and attacks Halkeginian. This is ALMOST like a sensible, coherent motivation, but requires ignoring how contradictory and insane the premise is.

Turns out Vitorrio somehow knows for a fact that Louise can cancel the Wind Stone catastrophe, but is withholding this information from everyone to try to force people into going with the Conquer Earth plan. This is dumb, but plausible human dumb. Much dumber is the narrative talking directly to the audience to reveal that Julio is being left out because he's totally unsuited to deception and is actually a naive innocent sort... in utter contravention of literally EVERY prior scene Julio was in.

The Romalian church steals a nuke from under the sea, and Julio magically surmises its principles and informs Vitorrio that it's operating on Void principles. So... Void magic is now supposed to just be atomic shenanigans? I'm pretty sure the narrative previously heavily implied they're quantum shenanigans and regular magic is somehow atomic shenanigans. Consistency!

Pegasi are apparently a thing in Halkeginia. I don't think such came up before and it feels like a poor fit, but it's been a while since I last read so I might be forgetting something is all.

It's now being retconned in that Saito being the Lífþrasir familiar means that A: ANYONE using Void magic will tap Saito's life, and B: he will die in a matter of days for no good reason even if nobody taps his life force any further. Really? That admittedly makes the earlier bit of Saito collapsing into an Expositional Flashback™ a part of this retcon instead of pure arbitrariness, but this is a blatant, stupid retcon that cannot possibly be reconciled with prior events.

Derflinger is continuing to absorb magic while 'asleep', which I'm pretty sure contradicts what happened in prior volumes.

Also, Saito is perfectly willing to attack Romalian forces in an attempt to stop them from using nukes... but people continue to completely ignore any possibility of attacking Vitorrio himself. What is this garbage?

We get introduced to the Vysendal, Tristan's royal flagship built to carry dragons for the fight with Albion... which we somehow never heard about the many volumes ago it should've cropped up in. It’s basically a fantasy aircraft carrier airship.

Three loud knocks followed by two quiet knocks is how Agnes announces herself to Henrietta, apparently, and it's apparently forbidden for anyone else in the Tristainian palace to use this knock. O...Kay?

Bizarrely, Henrietta is of the opinion Saito would never cause trouble without a good reason. Attempted-rapist Saito, you mean? The Saito who has picked fights with people over issues of ego? That Saito? Mind, she barely knows him to be honest, but that just shifts the issue elsewhere. Hell, she even describes him as 'not hot-blooded', which is just laughably wrong.

We get introduced to Château d'If, which is an Elven prison. This is a little confusing given Elves have always solved these kinds of problems with exile or murder historically, but okay. Really, I'm more baffled by the French-sounding name, given Gallia is Not-France and the Elves haven't previously had Frenchness to them. In any event, it's an island prison off the shore of Eumenes, which... seems unlikely...

Also, it's directly named after a real place. Oh, and the narrative draws attention to the French naming, saying the name means 'prison island's in Gallian... but doesn't explain WHY it's named in a language Elves sneer at.

We get explicitly told only Elves that have committed serious crimes, such as treason, get locked up here. You know, the kinds of crimes we previously got told got Elves exiled. We also get told the island has been nearly totally abandoned by the Great Will (for some reason...) so Elves can't use Ancient Magic on it... except apparently the guards can due to making contracts of some sort, in contravention of prior Ancient Magic mechanics.

... and now Guiche is joining in on the 'Saito wouldn't make trouble without a good reason' nonsense train. He actually kind of knows Saito! Not only that but he's repeatedly projected his own shitty behavior onto Saito! He's very nearly the last character I'd buy this belief from!

The 'Great Will' is supposedly a giant chunk of magic rock (I forget if this already came up or if I’m getting mixed up by having run across some spoilers in earlier note-taking), and it grounding arbitrarily accumulating spiritual energy periodically is what causes the Wind Stone disaster stuff. We get this info from Brimir, with no explanation of how he drew this conclusion.

The story also throws in a line about how even blowing up the Wind Stones with Void magic isn't a valid answer because yadda yadda exhaustion. Honestly, this looks like a Suspiciously Specific Denial, like readers raised exactly this possibility, and the author is going 'shit, that's a really good point, but I can't have my intended drama if that's a valid answer so I've gotta invent a reason why it isn't'. Because seriously, with the scale of destructiveness Void magic is capable of, particularly considering how much the story is playing it up... yeah, blowing the Wind Stones up really ought to be a valid answer.

Compounding this is that Brimir explains his plan to prevent the Wind Stone disaster was... to blew up the Great Will. And it apparently worked. So the story is just contradicting itself; which is it? Explosions aren’t helpful, or explosions are helpful? It can’t be both.

Oh, and there's drama about how Brimir tried to explain his plan to the Elves, but they refused to move their city away from the Great Will so he could nuke it without killing them, with Elven leaders saying that if the Great Will wants the world destroyed then so be it and Brimir also remarking arbitrarily that the city at the foot of the Great Will would be the only place safe from the Wind Stone disaster so the story is kind of implying the Elves are actually going 'well, we'll be fine, so we don't care if you all die'.

Anyway, Brimir was pushed over the edge into nuking the area because his home village was slaughtered by Elves while he was trying to talk the Elves into letting him nuke the Great Will. So honestly this is revenge in part. (No explanation is ever offered for why they slaughtered his village, incidentally)

We also learn Sasha killing Brimir was in response to nuking the Elven city, and that Brimir let himself be killed, at least in part to free Sasha of her Familiar runes so the arbitrary death-by-being Lífþrasir won't kick in.

A recurring thing in this final volume is that the Gandalfr boost for just holding a weapon lets Saito function in spite of being heavily weakened. As in, he literally cannot stand, and then holding a weapon let's him walk, and in fact fight athletically.

There's a surprisingly clever moment during Tabitha and Saito's escape where she summons some water to use it as a reflective surface to check around a corner. It's just a variation on using a hand mirror to check around corners, but if characters had been using magic in this kind of way the whole time I'd be a lot more willing to overlook the series' many, many flaws.

We get told the Knights of Parterre are good at casting spells undetected... no explanation for how this works... and that Tabitha has mastered this skill, too. Ambush spellcasting is a neat idea, admittedly, but the context this is being invoked in is just confusing to invoke it in.

There's a bit about Elves being helpless if they can't complete magical chants. It's been a while, but I'm pretty sure previously part of what made Elves scary-powerful was that Markey needed to chant and Elves did not. Certainly, I remember for sure that Markey were chanters the whole time, which is conspicuously failing to be mentioned in this volume...

Aaaand now the story is saying Saito being emotionally moved by his rescuers (Louise not being among them, note) is helping to power his Gandalfr abilities, trampling on that whole 'powered by love' thing. Really? Like, it’s a dumb plotpoint, but undermining it by making emotions-in-general provide power has a lot of thematic and practical problems.

Vittorio's other name is Serevare, apparently. I presume that's his personal name, though it's not actually clear. I don't think this has been alluded to before. In any event, him spending a night praying is able to make mountains rise from underwater. 'cause Void magic. The exact justification provided is that he's specifically manipulating the magic Stone with Void magic, but this just raises obvious questions about the potential to use this capability to address the Wind Stone catastrophe, since those are also magic stones of the exact same sort. Sure, Vitorrio is lying about being unable to deal with the crisis, but nobody within the story notices this. Even with how low my opinion is of the intelligence of these characters, I can't suspend disbelief over this. It's a gaping hole in the argument Vitorrio is using to coerce Louise into helping him invade Earth. The story HAS to address this, and it doesn’t, instead stacking on drama scene after drama scene even as it rips out their foundations as they’re being pushed.

We get told Gandalfr powers can't actually compensate for lost vitality (even though that's exactly what Saito has been doing for a while now), but Derflinger can do so. (Never mind that he was re-acquired only minutes before this claim) Gandalfr powers can 'only' make Saito light as a feather. Yeah, just ignore this nonsense, it's just a crappy attempt to say Saito is even closer to death than ever before without actually impairing him in combat scenes any.

You remember how Derflinger has Convenient Magical Memory Loss? Yeah, while he was 'asleep' he got rid of that. Gosh. How convenient. And no, the story isn't going to try to explain why he didn't do this sooner, or explain how he knew how to do it now. Admittedly it's completely in-character for Derflinger to create problems for no actual reason while claiming to be helping... with the qualifier that's clearly not meant to be part of his character.

This is dumb and arbitrary, is what I'm getting at.

"Wow, even swords can cry." "No I won't, because then I'd rust." Wow, that's actually a great exchange that legit got me to laugh.

Holy crap, the story also remembered about crow familiars being used as serial scouts. That last showed up, what, 15 volumes ago?

Vitorrio apparently deliberately aims the portal at a US army base. At least, that's how Saito's internal narration presents it, but I'm pretty sure this is just the writer talking directly at the audience. This is presented as a sensible and intelligent course of action, which is confusing given I'd think Vitorrio would want to get his entire army on the other side before they had to face resistance. Even considering how intrinsically dumb his entire plan is, this is just confusing.

Turns out the Gandalfr killing their master makes Void magic go away. Because Reasons. So naturally Louise has committed suicide-by-Saito, to save his life. I cannot express in words how thoroughly I hate this stupid, monstrous, lazy culmination.

Then the story doubles down on the stupid, lazy, monstrous writing by having Derflinger commit suicide to revive Louise.

Bafflingly, Louise mourns Derflinger. I honestly cannot think of a single even marginally positive interaction the two had to justify this response. Like sure fine I can buy her feeling grateful for his sacrifice -ignoring how garbage everything about the sacrifice and its leadup is- but the story has her reminiscing about how he was 'always helping' and all. Conspicuously, where Saito flashbacks to a bunch of Actual Prior Events when mourning Louise's death, Louise doesn't name even a single incident in which Derflinger was helpful. So the writer can't remember any such moment either, and just hopes readers won't notice the lack.

Also, in literally the final volume, the place Saito was originally summoned finally has a name: Austri Plaza. Uh. Sure?

Cattleya gets convenient 'secret Elf medicine's to cure her incurable condition. So never mind that bit of respect I had for the series.

Louise permanently awakens to wind magic, because of course she does.

The elemental siblings show up, and we get told they're... vampire-human hybrids??? What? Did that crop up before and I just totally forgot?...

Oh, and Louise and Saito go live Happily Ever After in Japan after a bunch of drama is wrung out of Saito intending to first stay in Halkeginia and then more drama was wrung out of him deciding to go home even though it meant being separated from Louise. The story conspicuously fails to address how this could possibly work out well; Louise has pink hair, and is unlikely to completely avoid using her magic. She’s going to end up on an MiB dissection table in no time flat, frankly, not live happily ever after. This isn’t even touching on how messed-up it is for Louise to throw away her life in Halkeginia to follow Saito back; she has responsibilities of myriad sorts in Halkeginia. Heck, so does Saito at this point! Whereas back in Japan, the story has consistently indicated Saito’s parents are literally the only people who will notice or care about him going missing.

For that matter, there was this whole thing with Siesta, Louise, and Saito working out a three-person relationship, and while I found it cringe-y and was dubious because of the likely motives, this is just throwing that out by summarily cutting out Siesta. And also trashing the creepy, stupid crap with Tabitha and Henrietta loving Saito for no actual reason.

This ending is awful and antithetical to what lead up to it on so many levels.

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So that’s it, I’m done taking notes on this series. I have a few things I’ll be saying in the coming weeks, but the note-taking is done, finally.

[migrationlawmel-blog]

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[a-room-of-my-own]

This is grim stuff, so apologies in advance. Although I don’t know why I’m apologizing.

Aimee Challenor, former spokesperson for the UK Green Party and current Diversity Officer for the Coventry Liberal Democrats is about to marry a gentleman from Michigan who writes pornographic fiction about children and “mind control.”

How do we know this? Because someone posted the accusation on Mumsnet and the budding author, Nathaniel Knight, cheerfully owned up to it on Twitter.

“Yes, I have written smut,” Knight said. “I have written smut featuring minors. I have written smut featuring incest. I have written smut featuring things that are not ethically sound or morally right in the real world. I also write smut featuring adults.”

Stirring stuff! Even by the Internet’s cavalier application of the laws of space and time, the thread stayed online for too long. Knight deleted the thread, but it was too late. The tweets had been screen-shotted and reposted.

Note his choice of word, by the way: “Smut.” Not “pornography” or “porn” or even “erotica.” Those words wouldn’t have quite as casual an air. “Smut” has the just-minding-my-own-business-guv quality you need when you’re choosing something to loiter next to the word “minors.” Essentially, he’s trying to diminish it and normalize what it is he actually writes and fantasizes about. “I have no reason to hide the fact,” he continues, “that I am sexually awakened adult who has fantasies that might be unethical to explore in real life.”

Well, you do, mate, as a matter of fact. Because your “unethical” fantasies are the kind that get you housed away from the general prison population, should you be so “unethical” as to indulge them in real life. (Again, note another artfully chosen word.)

It was an astonishing thread. The guy’s brain is obviously so pickled in porn that he genuinely doesn’t realize that the thing he is oversharing is something that no human being should ever feel safe saying out loud to anyone, except maybe a therapist.

But Knight isn’t really the point. You see, at the time of writing, Aimee Challenor is still — still — on the trans advisory board at Stonewall, an influential charity which advises many organizations with responsibilities for children, including the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC). Yes, that NSPCC. (And now, this NSPCC.)

Despite the fact that Challenor’s father was charged for an unspeakably dreadful and depraved crime, Aimee continued to use him as an election agent. David Challenor is currently serving a 20+ year sentence for raping and torturing a 10-year-old girl in the attic of the family home.

The Greens produced a report that meant Aimee scarpered rather than hang about to be disciplined, pausing only to shout “transphobia” on the way out the door. Then it was straight into the arms of the Liberal Democrats and a new man, who apparently shares the same taste for children — at least in his imagination — as David Challenor.

A Labour peer recently got fired from her position as the shadow Brexit secretary because she complained about a bunker mentality at the top of the party, but this is a problem that extends all the way across the UK Left. Anyone pointing out legitimate concerns with, for instance, the obvious ramifications of legally allowing individuals to self-identify as the opposite sex, is portrayed as a bigot and a bully, with a kind of message consistency that would be the envy of Fox News.

Feminists who question modern gender ideology are insulted by trans activists in suspiciously coordinated language. The same phrases come up again and again: “no debate,” “transwomen are women,” “trans rights are human rights” (whatever that means… Trans people have the same rights as the rest of us…) There are some — the majority — who repeat this messaging because they think it makes them appear more inclusive, more evolved, and because they haven’t thought beyond its superficially “kind” appearance.

But there are others — and I think David Challenor was one of them — who have a vested interest in lowering the standards of safeguarding in the UK and silencing those who raise the alarm about it. As social workers often point out, it only takes a few people to groom an organization — or, in this case, a whole movement — and people like David Challenor see the destruction of safeguarding norms as a way to normalize sexual practices and exploitation of children that would ordinarily attract a criminal sanction. Almost in the same way another person with paedophilic tendencies would replace the words “pornography” and “evil” with “smut” and “unethical.”

These women who must be silenced include Helen Watts, who was expelled from the Girl Guides for questioning Stonewall’s safeguarding policies. Stonewall (along with Gendered Intelligence) advised Girlguiding on its trans inclusion guidelines — guidelines that require males who identify as girls to use the same sleeping, washing, and changing facilities as females, without the prior knowledge or consent of parents. If girls object, the only remedy is to ask for a private space away from the others, or not take part.

“Girls are being groomed to ignore their own boundaries, to put the needs of males above their own, to never express a preference for single sex spaces for fear of being labelled a bigot.” Watts told me. “It’s revealing that while the Guides trans policy emphasizes that trans children must be protected from harassment and victimization, no such protection is offered specifically for girls who must have single sex spaces.”

As Helen also pointed out, “In all seriousness now, if Yaniv was in the UK and so inclined, [Yaniv] could be a girl guide leader. Girlguiding policy is that being a woman is a matter of self ID. Anyone who says they’re a woman can be a leader. Assuming [Yaniv] passed a DBS check (no convictions) then [Yaniv] is in.”

Women like Watts are now tagged for violence as “TERFs” by both gleeful misogynists and unthinking children who insist they are protecting the most vulnerable. Aimee Challenor is very likely a damaged young person for whom we should have sympathy, but sympathy should not extend to enabling such people to take influential lobbying roles with young people’s organizations.

And must it again be pointed out that both organizations have a duty of care — not only to the vulnerable LGB people who are affected by their guidelines and policies, but to Aimee Challenor?

One thing is certain, there is no way this person should be giving Stonewall any kind of advice. And while they are, no-one should be taking advice from Stonewall.

Graham Linehan is the comedy writer and director behind Father Ted, The IT Crowd, and Black Books.

[sol1056]

didn’t see that coming

Okay, that’s the fourth ask that wants to know my thoughts on deathbed bequests. I’m gonna just stop all y’all right there and talk about something that’ll answer your question if you just bear with me a moment. 

It has to do with character hindsight. 

Think of, say, your best friend from school. You hear they’ve got only a week to live. You hurry to see them, arriving to find a bunch of other people there, too. Your friend’s come to grips with the news, and has decided they’d rather have the joy of bestowing their last will and testament while they’re still alive. 

So, you get handed your friend’s cherished chinaware. Another person gets the sofa, another gets bed linens. All the way down the list, everything packed and ready. It’s all going. This is it, this is the end. There’s probably some crying, a few jokes that aren’t that funny, maybe some alcohol and bittersweet toasts. You pack up the chinaware, figuring: next time you get a call, it’ll be someone telling you the funeral’s time and location. 

And sure enough, a week later, you get a call --- from your friend. Maybe it was all a false alarm. Maybe it was last-minute experimental surgery. Maybe someone with the right genetics or phenotype or whatever died in time to donate the right body part. Whatever it is, the person’s going to live. 

So... do you give back the chinaware?

Now, barring some totally unforeseen disaster that broke every last piece on your way home, you’d give it all back, right? It’s not like your friend didn’t want it or wasn’t using it; your friend gave it away because we don’t bury people with their household goods anymore. 

Nor could you really protest that takebacks are rude; it’s not like your friend knew they’d somehow pull off a miracle and survive. If they did, they probably would’ve hung in there, gotten the second opinion or surgery or body part and carried on with their life, relieved at narrowly escaping a close call. 

Which is to say: given all the information your friend could conceivably have at that point in time, they made the best choice they could. 

If you're planning to kill off a character with no warning, it’s really not much different from a dying character that you plan on saving. In either situation, the character has no idea what the future holds. 

As the author, you have foresight, but the character does not and should act accordingly. If that means giving away all their most cherished possessions prior to taking their last breath, then that’s what you should be writing. If the character is more likely to punch their boss in the face, empty their entire savings and fly to Tahiti with plans to die on the beach with a drink in one hand and a nubile young thing in the other, that’s what you should be writing. 

Even if it means the character now has to go about cleaning up after they acted with incomplete knowledge of what their future held. 

However, let’s say in your story, you have some upcoming plotpoint that makes it crucial that your protagonist possess someone else’s family heirlooms. There are several ways you could manage this. 

If the purpose is to get some item in your protagonist’s hands, then just have the secondary character hand the stuff over. Or be willing to sell it. Or make clear they can’t stand it and are happy to pawn it off on your protagonist. You probably shouldn’t have the protagonist declare it was a gift and there aren’t any takebacks. That’s just a dick move. 

If you’re determined to have the stuff remain in your protagonist’s hands, it’s going to require a conversation. Anything else will go against the grain of what we expect from reasonable and believable human-based characters; you’ll leave half your readership contorting themselves into pretzels to see the secondary character’s gift as permanent, while the majority of your readership will probably now see your protagonist as a selfish jerk. 

If you want to retain sympathy for your protagonist (I mean, unless you do intend to make them out to be a complete jerk), then the protagonist must show up at their friend’s house with the chinaware intact. They need to put the ball back into the secondary character’s court, and re-open the question. 

At that point, you just need to come up with a viable reason for the secondary character to refuse. Perhaps on second thought, they’ve realized how much lighter life is without those possessions weighing them down. Maybe they were so happy seeing the protagonist’s care for the item, that this overshadows any lingering affection they had for the thing. Maybe they’d only kept the thing all this time out of some obligation or guilt towards whomever gave it to them, and now without it, they're happier. 

Above all else, avoid having the friend say they'd planned all along for your protagonist to have the thing. It’s not that you can’t have secondary characters giving random things to your protagonist; it’s the circumstances under which it happened.

The setup was predicated on the character not knowing what lay ahead.

It strains disbelief, because you’re implying the character acted with information they can’t possibly have had. You’ve changed “I’m dying, please take care of this for me” into “I always wanted you to have it, being near-death had nothing to do with it.”

In which case, just skip the whole deathbed bequest and simply have the secondary character hand it over to the protagonist for some other reason. Or better yet, make it always the protagonist’s from the beginning. They loaned it to the secondary character, who returns it when their need has ended.

Sure, that may require a bit of thinking ahead, based on what your story needs. But anything’s better than giving readers the impression your protagonist is a selfish jerk who wouldn’t at least try to return a deathbed bequest when the deathbed situation no longer exists. 

[imagine-loki]

Irked

Title: Irked

Author lokilover9

Chapter 13

Original Imagine: Imagine due to having highly effective telekinesis, Tony Stark seeks you out and hires you. Loki’s been forced to live there by Odin and help on missions when needed, making penance to Midgardians. Prior to moving into the Tower, you learn of his superior and arrogant attitude and upon being introduced, immediately dislike him. Particularly because he looks at you like your his next meal. Rating: Teen

Spending the afternoon inventing traits for their characters was entertaining to say the least. Especially the ones Loki teasingly wrote about Shandis. As it turned out however, that wasn’t the only important topic they needed to discuss.

“Adding some of your own personal traits, could make things easier to remember.” He teased. “Let’s see. Cheeky, unruly, obstinate, short tempered…”

She was eating pistachios and tossed one at him, not noticing it landed in his crotch. Loki considered asking her to retrieve it, but declined, thinking he may end up with the television over his head.

“Oh really?” She retorted. “How about some of yours? Mysterious, sarcastic, oozes brattiness from every pore.”

He waited a minute. “That’s the worst you could come up with? Perhaps I’m growing on you then.”

Shandi quickly changed the subject. “You need a Midgardian age. I suggest 32.”

“Accepted. I could see how close to a millennium might appear suspicious.”

“Oh, before I forget, I’ve researched reasons for hair loss and found one you should remember.”

“Whatever for?” He asked.

“It’s hard getting my wig to look just right and I’m thinking it may become noticeable. Should anyone ask…”

“You don’t have to wear it. I could obliterate the entire application process with magic.”

“No thank you, it’s fine.” She politely replied. “As I was saying…”

“Shandi, I keep asking you to trust me. Do you not at all?”

She went quiet for a moment and leaned back into the couch. “Okay, I’m going to be completely honest with you.”

Realizing she was serious, Loki put aside his pen and paper. “Please do.”

“It bothered me earlier that you expected me to portray Elizabeth a certain way without warning, or a better explanation as to why. It put me on the spot and I only complied because Alice could’ve left at any moment.”

“My apologize Shandi, I hadn’t intended to. A theory came to mind and based on what we know of Alice’s personality, I thought to test it.”

She locked eyes with him then. “Which you did at my expense Loki. There’s bound to be moments of unpredictability during this mission, that will require sporadic actions from my character. If I don’t know all her issues or why they exist, who knows how I could jeopardize things. Understand that I won’t consent to anything like that again without knowing much more and your actions have left me concerned.”

“Of?” He asked.

“I’m questioning what else you may attempt without my knowledge, beyond things at my expense.”

Here was this woman whose pulse he could increase, merely with his nearness, her eyes now boring into him with an intensity he’d yet to see, her demeanor confident and assured.

“You’re right.” He respectfully replied. “My actions were inappropriate and again, I apologize.”

Shandi wasn’t expecting such reactions at all. He’d constantly projected an air of pompousness and superiority, yet now appeared humbled.

“Remember you recently asked if I’d planned on attempting to jeopardize this mission?”

Her gaze lowered in a nod. “I do.”

“Shandi, look at me please?”

Obeying, her insides softly quivered.

“I meant it.” Loki continued. “And know without a doubt, that at no point, will I jeopardize your safety either.”

For some reason, she’d strongly sensed he wouldn’t, yet was grateful they were openly discussing things. “Thank you.” She replied. “From now on, let’s review everything at the end of each day, so we’re always on the same page?”

“I think that’s an excellent idea.” When her shoulders fell and expression softened, he regretted causing her such worry.

Shandi sipped her wine and refocused. “So, what ‘was’ your theory about Alice?”

Loki explained that the previous night, he’d re read their information about Alice and made some assumptions regarding her personality. Upon meeting her, he learned they were correct. Not only was she friendly, but intelligent, very warm, kind, compassionate and seemingly affectionate with friends, as she’d put her arm around Beth a few times. “Remember during Tony’s meeting, he asked us to invent a valid reason for your aversion to being touched?” “Yes.” She replied. “We must work on that.”

“Actually, I’d thought of one before approaching Alice. It was the reason behind testing my theory.”

Shandi listened and when he finished, her mouth hung ajar. “Loki, that’s very tragic.”

“I know, but it could aid in attaining Alice’s friendship faster, while embedding into her mind, the seriousness of your aversion. Then hopefully as Nat put it, she’ll avoid becoming ‘touchy-feely,’ with you completely, as will anyone close to her.”

Shandi knew the grave importance of no one discovering her fake pregnancy. “I’m not refuting any of this, but still don’t quite understand.”

“Mother of seven, who loves babies. A pillar of and activist for her community whose curious of newcomers. She volunteers in schools, the local community center and nursing home. Initiates her own fundraisers and donates the money to those less fortunate. Her life revolves around caring for people. Introduce that level of kindness to a pregnant newcomer who hasn’t any friends here yet, fears being apart from her spouse too long, appears overly nervous amidst crowds and fiercely protects herself from anyone who even attempts touching her? You could easily play on her sympathies Shandi.”

A heavy sigh escaped her. “Even if I agreed to doing so, that tragedy isn’t something you reveal out of the blue. It would be awkward to, period.”

“I’d handle the telling if you wished. In the meantime, we’d build up to it by piquing her curiosity.”

“What if we don’t see her again until the fair?”

“By shopping constantly for our nursery and spending the towns lunch hours everyday at the park? I’m quite certain we would.”

“How do we pique her curiosity at the park?” She asked.

“With some simple exercises to help alleviate your ‘nervousness.’

She took a few moments to contemplate everything, then asked. “What’s with the fear of being apart from you?”

“Another curiosity peeker, or optional excuse to avoid invalid situations.”

“Should I portray Elizabeth this way, you do realize we’d be stuck to each other like glue most of this mission?”

Damn, did Loki bite his tongue. “Well darling, you did sign up for Cactus sitting. Would it be so bad portraying one with such issues?” His eyes suddenly crossed. “After all, you’ve me to protect you.”

“Oh, pfft. That’s reassuring.”

A chuckle escaped him. “It’s up to you.”

Shandi hadn’t banked on playing a ‘nervous nelly’ beyond the maternity shop incident, but it ‘could’ work. “Okay..I’m in. As long as I get details about those exercises.”

“Of course. Would you still like help with your wig?”

“I’d almost forgotten about that.”

“The process is quick and painless, really.”

“That’s not very reassuring either, Loki.”

He laughed, then explained and she was startled to learn it was that simple. “Magic is a wondrous thing darling.”

Shandi opted to close her eyes and Loki stood, tossed a green mist towards her and quietly left. A subtle tingling sensation then spread over her entire scalp, lasting for only seconds before she darted to the main floor washroom. Stemming from every root, her long, dark waves had been altered to loose red curls, that perfectly matched her wig. “Holy shit, this is amazing!”

Loki was in the kitchen, pouring some whiskey when she found him. “I gather you approve?”

“I’m awed.” She replied. “Not only is my wig a time consuming pain in the ass, but feels like I’m wearing a heating pad on my head. A break from it sometimes would be amazing Loki and if there’s a kindness I could do for you in return, please name it.”

He was dumbfounded. Had she just offered him gratitude for a kindness so simple for him to accomplish? The last person to have done so, was Frigga and he never thought anyone would again. “I expect nothing in return. I offered because I wanted to, Shandi.”

“Nothing?” She asked.

“Nothing.”

“Would you..do it tomorrow then?”

“I’ll do it every day if you wish.”

The sparkle in her eye and how she smiled in that moment, affected him so profoundly, he was determined to be responsible for it more often. Especially when she stepped forward suddenly and planted an unexpected kiss on his cheek. Realizing her actions, she slowly backed away and Loki struggled not to return the kiss, intimately.

“Despite being honest about no expectations, I can’t say that wasn’t appreciated.”

Scarlet faced, Shandi gestured towards the corridor. “Okay, well uhh..character stuff. We should get back to that, so I’ll just be down the hall.” She left, heart thumping in her chest. ‘What were you thinking woman? Do not do that again, it’s dangerous. Damn he smells good.’

Loki poured another shot and adjusted his twitching cock. ‘Not just yet my friend, not just yet.’

When done refining their characters, they contacted Nat and Clint. Not only were they pleased to learn about Alice too, but Nat approved of Loki’s idea.

“The seed was basically planted when we met at Beth’s shop Beautiful and I’d guess she told Alice of the incident.”

“Maybe.” Shandi replied. “I’m not familiar with playing on people’s sympathies though.”

“No worries. Clint will volunteer some lessons, won’t you Baby Cakes?”

Loki cackled at the name.

“Me?” Asked Clint.

Nat continued. “Remember the night we caught him watching porn?”

Shandi chuckled. “Yes.”

“He spent days, playing on mine after that.”

“Oh come on, I apologized!”

“True.” Said Nat. “But you’re addicted and should seek therapy.”

Everyone laughed and as the conversation continued, the four devised plan. Nat and Clint would watch Beth’s shop daily for signs of Alice, while Loki and Shandi hung around town, waiting on word of her presence. This would guarantee seeing her again before the fair. Then Nat thought of another idea involving a second interaction between her and Shandi and once Nat payed the shop a visit, all would be set.

After the call ended, Loki shook his head. “You watched porn with Baby Cakes and Ella without your husband present? Perhaps you’d like to explain this wife?”

“Pfft. Perhaps not husband and Ella and I are innocent.”

“Is that so?” His eyes playfully narrowed. “I fail to believe you two are innocent of much, now talk.”

“I’m afraid what occurs between female besties is highly classified.” She cooly replied. “If I told you, I’d have to kill you.”

Loki’s arms crossed. “I see. Tell me something Lizzy. Did you just confess to adultery?”

Shandi pondered her next words, then smirked. “I’ll leave you with that thought Clifford, I’ve some laundry to do.” Seconds later, she snorted, hearing his reply.

“Queen of unruliness!”

Later, while observing her sleep later, Loki recalled her gratitude and how she’d agreed to everything, despite expressing such concern for his earlier actions. Then he reflected upon his immature behavior since they’d met. All the agitating, teasing and tricks, those were the actions of a boy, not an intelligent God. And what the hell had compelled him to use an attraction spell on her? He’d refrained from such things since mid adolescence, when his heightened sense of smell suddenly developed. Unaware then, it was a Frost Giants trait, he still remained oblivious to its true purpose, but did enjoy one advantage. Amongst the many women he’d desired throughout life, very few hadn’t felt the same. Those who did and attempted denial, were revealed by the scent of their arousal. Nothing some extra charm, prowess and persistence never solved. This had even worked on his first love Iris, who like Shandi, denied her mutual attraction in the beginning. Yet he hadn’t acted as ridiculous towards her, nor had her scent affected him the same. Shaking Iris’s painful memory from his head, he further pondered Shandis scent. More appeasingly potent than any he’d ever detected, it lured him to her, heightened all of his senses and ignited unusual urges to mark and possess her. He’d thought of marking her before, but believing it barbaric, had refrained. Yet now, like some primitive instinct, rising from the pit of his soul, it was steadily getting stronger and his desire becoming feral. “I want you in a way I’ve yet to understand.” He quietly whispered. “You make me think and feel things I never have and…” He hesitated a moment. “It’s driving me fucking crazy! Norns, what am I saying?” She stirred and he waited, then caressed her cheek, smirking at the soft sigh she expelled. “Forgive me for my mischievous ways, but you ‘will’ become mine Shandi. I can’t have it any other way.” With that, a soft kiss to her temple made another dream begin.

~~~~~~

[southboundhqarchive]

MEET OPHELIA,

FULL NAME › Jacqueline “Ophelia” Miller AGE › twenty seven GENDER › Cis woman (She/Her/Hers) FROM › New York City, New York LODGING › Old Boot Hill PRIOR EMPLOYMENT › Actress NOW PLAYING › Come Wander With Me by Bonnie Beecher

BIOGRAPHY,

trigger warnings: absent father, emotional abuse/exploitation, drug/alcohol addiction, (non-fatal) overdose

“The only thing you’ve ever been good for,” Jacqueline’s mother used to say, “is zipping up my dress.” To Jacqueline, never lovingly called ‘Jackie,’ it seemed true. Her mother often used her as a scapegoat as a means to explain the worst parts of her life: “You’re the reason your father left, you know.” “You’re the reason I can’t fit in my good dress anymore.” “You’re the reason we’re hardly making any pull.” “You’re the reason for x, for y, and for z.” Jacqueline took her mother’s word as gospel, her mother being the only consistent presence in her life.

However, her mother’s borderline inhumane treatment didn’t last long – it soon turned into exploitation when she made a discovery: Jacqueline had one talent, one honest-to-god talent. That meant she wouldn’t have to make pay undressing when she grew up, as her mother always told her – her, still a child. “We have good genes, you know. That’s all you’re going to have,” her mother would say, but the script was flipped entirely when Jacqueline’s chorus teacher suggested she try out for the spring musical. At first, her mother brushed it off – talentless kids were always in school musicals, cuts didn’t exist in elementary and middle – but the ovation Jacqueline got… Ever the capitalist, her mother took it as a sign that she could make money off of this kid.

She sent for various agencies, various managers, various anyone-who-could-get-the-child-famous. It was originally a recording, originally a voice her mother exploited, but when the child’s new ego was born… oh, she could capitalize off of anything.  

An agency took her in under one term: She was no longer ‘Jacqueline,’ she was ‘Ophelia.’ Nobody ever knew who Jacqueline Miller was. Nobody associated the name ‘Jacqueline’ with anything deeper than itself. Nobody thought ‘Jacqueline’ was the name of a big star. Nobody thought anything of ‘Jacqueline.’ Sure, there were Jackies to be associated with, but nothing spoke ‘just-original-enough-to-sound-original-while-also-making-you-think-of-something-famous’ like her given middle name. The shock value of it, too – a girl, twelve years of age, named after one of the most tragic characters.

From there on out, it was a whirl-wind. Jacqueline – forgive me, Ophelia – had never signed up for the life she was now being put through. She hadn’t signed up to be surrounded by old men in suits at all hours of the day, some stranger than others; she hadn’t longed to throw a competition, and she certainly hadn’t longed to testify about it later; she had never wanted to sit in a chair for four hours while strangers touched her face, then spend the next ten filming something that would be worth nothing to her.

- She was always smiling, though. She was always getting good press, even when testifying! -

It wasn’t until she was sixteen, until she chose something to do on her own, that she began developing a taste for old men, strangers, and filming all day and all night, for she wasn’t filming at all. At sixteen, she found herself in New York City, cast in a musical alongside big names, playing a secondary role. The pressure was still there, sure, but she was now doing something she chose to do, and she was now not top-billed. It was a different lifestyle, but nothing would become more different, yet so very similar, than when she completely dropped her mother from any and all projects at eighteen.

It was now Arthur Sher, her agent, who was largely in charge of what she did and didn’t do. The flipside of it was that she actually had input. She had a name now, a name all her own, a name not attached to her mother’s, a name not unknown, and that name would only be seen where she wanted it seen. She and Arthur ventured back to Los Angeles and time began slipping away. He fed her so many scripts, so many she wanted her name on, that it became hard to keep track of what day it was, where she was meant to be, what the time was, who she was supposed to be at that moment in time. She married an acquaintance named George Stevens and hardly remembered it.

For as stressed as she had become on the inside, juggling so many projects (albeit, by her own volition), the papers only ever said kind things about her. She was an actress – she had acted in plenty of scenes that required feigned happiness. She was praised in the papers for doing so much and keeping it all together. She was praised for her marriage – apparently it had been expected for a long time, although she had never even thought of George as a boyfriend. She was praised for her patience with the paparazzi. She was praised for her generosity when she was seen giving a man on the side of the street a bottle of (half-drunk) water. Oh, she was praised!

That said, it had started out perfectly innocent. She would take one pill, as needed, as per her psychiatrist’s instructions. But she began ‘needing’ them more and more. But just taking a handful of pills was far too simple, wasn’t it? You see, they always paired best with alcohol. Oh, and the nights her mother rang? Well, she just needed extra then! Oh, and the days she’d have to spend filming something for over ten hours? One, two, three, four, more! It had truly shocked Arthur that she had still managed to make it to set every day, on time, and cooperate.

Of course, it was a shock for a reason! At home, things had not been quite as nice. She and George had gotten into more than their fair share of wars with one another. She would accuse him of infidelity, he would point out the liquor and pills, she would say the latter was prescribed, he would say that maybe someone else was just what the doctor would prescribe for him. It all seemed very over-the-top and dramatic, all very hyperbolic and unrealistic, to Ophelia… up until she came home late one night, hoping to make some form of amends, just to find George and another woman on their couch.

He was forced out that night. The couch was cleansed using alcohol. She took some extra pills that night, then some more the next morning. Then she began messing up the shoots. Then she took some more. Then she blamed the best boy, of all people, on why she was doing so horribly (he was distracting her!, so she’d claim). Then she would be let go from her projects, replaced with someone younger as a cycle began to repeat itself. Then the press would turn against her. Then she would overdose. Then she would be forced into rehab by Arthur. Then she would fight it. Then she would get sober. Then she would return to New York City.

There was a show on – a musical – that they figured she was best for. They had centered the majority of the pieces around her range. They had come up with designs that would best fit her. This was all before she had said yes, but publicity that required forgiveness and sympathy – there was nothing better. But that opening night… it was impressive. It was almost as though Ophelia wanted everyone to hate her, to leave her. Months of perfect rehearsal, months of friendly mingling with her co-stars and understudy, months of learning tragedies she’d missed and still powering through, months of avoiding pills and alcohol, months of perfect preparation and perfect sobriety… all to collapse the night the curtain was meant to go up.

She had found a new psychiatrist, had gotten a ‘different’ medication, and had made the decision to abuse it that night. It was to calm her nerves!, she pretended. The second they knocked on the door to her dressing room, telling her the curtain was about to go up – the second she opened it to reveal she hadn’t changed outfits since she’d gotten there – that was the second they gave up on her. George had left her. Arthur left her. Her co-stars left her. She had left her mother. Every bridge she had built, she burned. All she had left was the world, and even they began praising her understudy, beginning to forget it was her name in big letters above the title.

She gave up that night. She gave up opening night. She didn’t have anyone or anything left. She had no reason to be there. She had no reason to be anywhere. So she drove. She took pills and drank liquor and drove, just like the clown she’d always been under that false identity of hers. She drove, high out of her mind, until she simply couldn’t anymore. She drove, high out of her mind, until she reached some small western town called Boot Hill. She had nowhere else to be. Maybe there, nobody would know her. Maybe there, she wouldn’t have to see what papers said about her (oh, she hoped they were asking ‘Where Is Ophelia Miller?’ as opposed to praising the musical tailored to her that she was not in).

She has not cared to leave. She has not cared to try. She has not cared to reach out to the outside world. Only when she got fame-sick would she try to see if she could leave and find out just how trapped she was. She had not yet gotten fame-sick.

But she knew – oh, she knew – the world still loved her…

❝ everyone has an identity. one of their own, and one for show. ❞

CENSUS,

FACECLAIM › Elizabeth Gillies AUTHOR › Lucky

[marjaystuff]

Elise Cooper’s Interview with David R Gillham

Annelies by David R. Gillham has Anne Frank surviving the Holocaust. As the “what if” comes true, the book presents a story of hope, survival, trauma and redemption. But it is also a reminder of what was lost during the Holocaust: how many of those lives taken away had such promise. Gillham gives Anne Frank’s life back to her, a life brutally cut short by the Nazi monsters.

Gillham skillfully transforms Anne from a bright-eyed girl with dreams and ambitions to a bitter, angry teenager who suffers from survivor’s guilt and PTSD. The author should be applauded as he realistically portrays what many Holocaust survivors suffered.  Because of enduring the atrocities and emotional/physical pain readers see Anne with a haunted tone that has different ideals. She is not the same person as she was when writing in her diary prior to, during, and immediately following the time her family and others were hiding in the space above her father’s workplace. In reading inserts from her diary at the beginning of each chapter people see an optimistic young girl who never gave up hope despite the cruel, unexplainable hatred and danger that threatened her daily.

But after being betrayed the family and their friends were found by the Nazi Gestapo Amsterdam branch.  First sent to a concentration camp in Holland with her sister and mother, she was then transferred to the Auschwitz death camp and ended up in the Bergen-Belsen concentration camp in Germany. These scenes show how Anne and her family endured the packed train to the concentration camps, and the despicable conditions of dirt and disease throughout them. It is where the alternate history begins. Unlike the reality where Anne dies of Typhus she is rescued and reunited with her father Otto in Amsterdam. Now seventeen she grows from a person filled with frustration, rage, anger, and guilt to someone who finally understands she must live her life and honor the dead by using her diary to teach the world about her experiences. Although her father at first would not let go, he eventually allows her to move to America where the last pages show her with a happy ending, one the real-life Anne Frank never had, as she replies to readers notes about her best-selling book, The Secret Annex.

In reading portions of the real-life diary, people understand how Anne had hope amid the darkness of humanity. This novel transports readers as they take Anne’s journey with her to the hiding place, the concentration camps, and as she struggles to survive the aftermath of the Holocaust. Gillham should be given a shout-out for taking on this risky project, but he did it successfully with sensitivity and humility.

Elise Cooper:  Why take such a harrowing undertaking, writing this alternate-history?

David Gillham: In writing this story, I was constantly aware that Anne Frank was a real person who wrote one of the most defining books of the twentieth century. I understand she is an icon and have tremendous respect for her legacy.   I had Anne survive the Holocaust to give her the life she was cheated of.  Through telling the story of one girl, I hope to tell the story of all the “Annes,” showing the lost potential of the millions who perished.  Anne Frank’s legacy is one of hope and I want to show what we are missing in our world today, because of their loss.

EC:  How did you get the idea to write a novel where Anne Frank survives?

DG:  It started thirty years ago after reading Philip Roth’s novel, The Ghost Writer.  In it Roth’s protagonist, Nathan Zuckerman, imagines that a young European woman in her twenties, is actually Anne Frank. Nathan quickly realizes that it is his imagination at work.  But this book inspired me to read Anne’s diary where I became thunderstruck by her insight, perception, humor, and brilliance as a writer. I thought about writing a novel where she survives.  After numerous attempts, about 6.5 years ago the story finally emerges with Anne surviving the camps, returning to Amsterdam, and being reunited with her dad, Otto.

EC:  What about truth versus fiction?

DG:  Everything that happens up until she survives is based on reality.  I read many Holocaust histories, biographies of Anne Frank and her father, and transcripts of interviews with people who knew her.  I visited in Amsterdam the old Jewish Quarter, the Resistance Museum, the former Diamond District, the bookshop where she might have bought the diary, her and her sister’s school, the former Gestapo headquarters, the Frank family apartment, and the Anne Frank house. I based her experience in the concentration camps on survivor accounts and those who had contact with Anne and Margot in those places.  For example, the scene in which Anne meets her friend Hanneli at the barbed wire fence in Bergen-Belsen is based on an actual meeting.  

EC:  What about the characters in this story?

DG: Those in Anne’s family, and those in hiding with them are based on the real people. Miep, Bep, Kugler, Kleimann, and Jan are all based on the Dutch individuals who supported the Frank family in hiding.  The important characters entirely fictionalized are the Dutch boy, Raaf, the bookshop proprietor, Mr. Nussbaum, and Anne’s stepmother, Dassah. It is also true that two uncles of Anne did emigrate to America in the 1930s, while the Frank family went to the Netherlands.  

EC:  What about the diary?

DG:  The day the family and friends were arrested by the Nazi security the diary went into hiding.  The Sergeant in charge was looking for something to hold the valuables he could steal and took her father’s briefcase where the diary was stored. He dumped it on the floor.  It remained there until Miep finds the papers all over the floor and sticks them in a drawer, awaiting Anne’s return. Even after Otto returns she remains silent, hoping Anne will come back.  But when it becomes clear Anne is dead she gives the diary to Otto.  

EC:  You made Anne’s sister her “ghostly” alter-ego?

DG:  I wanted to explore how people recover from trauma.  She lost her sister and mother and wonders why she survived and they did not.  Anne brought Margot home in her mind to cope with what happened. Margot is sometimes scolding, critical, wise, but is also a reminder of the past. Remember at the beginning of the novel, she tells Anne she will never leave her, and never does.  

EC:  How would you describe Anne before capture?

DG:  Vivacious, precocious, demanding, high energy, charming, fun, a dreamer who could be self-centered. She loved to be the center of attention, a chatter-box, and what you saw is what you get.

EC:  How would you describe Anne after the Holocaust?

DG:  All the before was still there, but buried under the fear, anger, and trauma. She is angry, guilty, and feels betrayed by everyone including her protectors, and feels like a dislocated soul. Anne is lonely and rebellious.  

EC:  Anne and her dad are at odds?

DG:  They had two different approaches to redemption and trauma.  Otto refuses to dwell in the tragedies of the past and looks to a better future. He tells Anne in my book quote, “What is the point of having survived? What is the point of living if we are to be poisoned by our own sorrow?” He refers to their motto of work, love, courage, and hope. He feels that those loved ones who died can be kept alive with love in the survivor’s hearts. But Anne refuses to relinquish these tragedies and faces them with anger and guilt.  She believes the guilty deserve punishment and the dead deserve justice.  I drew a book quote from survivors who wondered where was God at Bergen-Belsen?  Anne feels, “The only thing God has given us is death. God has given us the gas chambers.  God has given us the crematoria.  Those are God’s gifts to us and this:” She then exposes her forearm with the number A-25063.

EC:  The book and diary show that Anne had a strained relationship with her mother?

DG:  Yes, especially when they were in hiding.  Otto actually edited the diary where Anne was unfairly cruel to her mother, but remember she was a teenager.  Witnesses reported after they were arrested and sent to the camps the two sisters and their mother were inseparable, and the conflict with her mother vanished.  I hope I get this across in the book, especially in the scene in Bergen-Belsen.

EC:  It is inconceivable to me that at the end of the war the Germans were still cruel.  I guess a leopard does not shed its skin?

DG:  I also had a hard time understanding the psychopathic attitude of the Nazis. At the beginning of Anne’s diary, she refers to the German language as uncivilized. Even at the end of the war they still tried to murder as many Jews as possible.  They tried to hide it by blowing up the crematoriums.  It is hard to get into the mindset of the Nazis.  For example, the Commandant of Bergen-Belsen at the end of the war agreed to turn over the camp to the British.  The SS staff and he were continuing to do their duties and expected to be treated as soldiers after capture.  They were actually shocked when the Commandant was immediately arrested.

EC:  You also have a scene where returning Jews were required to pay unpaid taxes?

DG:  True.  In Holland those returning from concentration camps faced a tax bill.  I am not aware that anyone said they would let it slide.

EC: What about those in Holland deporting Jewish refugees back to Germany after the war?

DG:  Also true.  A scene in the book has Anne being told that those in Holland, by denouncing the Nuremberg racial laws, have converted all German-born Jews back into German citizens-thereby branding them ‘enemy nationals,’ that are subject to deportation back to Germany.  It was not specifically directed to German Jews, but I think in 1946 there were about fifteen German Jews deported to the people that brutalized them. Anne’s character at the end of the war has no sympathy for the Germans.

EC:  What about the betrayals?

DG: I put forth the many theories because there is no smoking gun.  The only character who overtly declares her belief concerning the identity of the betrayer is Bep who feels it was her sister Nelli, a Nazi collaborator, who betrayed the Franks to the Germans. A story told to me by someone who knew Miep, another family friend: They asked her if she knew and she answered ‘can you keep a secret.  Well so can I.’

EC:  What do you want readers to get out of the book?

DG:  Anne is a representation of the Holocaust.  Six million is but a number, but in reading her diary we see a tragedy.  In this book, I hope people will see that Anne is someone we can identify with on an emotional level.  She is a very skilled writer as evidenced by her last entry in August 1944.  The message of the book, and maybe what Anne Frank tried to tell us is that hope can survive even in the face of destruction, despair, and brutality.

THANK YOU!!

[educationpost]

Is an MBA Degree Really Worth It?

To future-prepared your profession. In my day to day discussions with MBA graduated class and leaders, I catch wind of the significance of "future-prepared abilities." But what does this truly mean? It implies that an ever increasing number of organizations are hoping to emerge from the pandemic more grounded than they were before by turning and changing their plans of action. Recruiting the right ability with the right abilities is a significant piece of that. You ought to have a similar mentality. Ask yourself: "How might I extend my range of abilities and capacities to be the best contender for these jobs?"

 The abilities numerous associations are searching for range from sympathy and group the executives to understanding how to look forward, put forth essential objectives, and impact partners from different foundations. Undergraduate studies hoping to foster abilities around impact frequently have one of a kind chances to do as such during the MBA experience.

 Many enter contextual investigation rivalries that imitate the difficulties organizations face today and require the understudies to pitch answers for a board of judges. Significantly, everybody in these projects additionally figures out how to work on their correspondence and cooperation abilities by partaking in bunch projects with individuals from varying backgrounds. Delicate abilities like this are vital to MBA classes notwithstanding thorough scientific work.

 A MBA could be key in obtaining the experience you want to enjoy a cutthroat benefit in the gig market — and this is definitely not a terrible motivation to seek after one.

 To investigate new ventures or works. Assuming you're hoping to make a vocation turn, a MBA might assist you with confronting that test with open eyes. Business college is an incredible chance to acquire openness to companions, workforce, and an organization of graduated class from numerous expert foundations — as well as class undertakings and contextual investigations that plunge profoundly into various ventures and areas.

 Take the case of one understudy I as of late talked with. She has two vocation aspirations: to turn into biopharmaceuticals and to lead an association one day. She concluded a MBA degree would permit her to achieve the two objectives since she will be acquainted with assets that will help her find out about and all the more effectively change into another industry, and accomplish the authority abilities she will require 10, or even 20, years not too far off.

 A few understudies even come to business college to investigate a pioneering way. They commonly proceed to send off their own new companies, or join beginning phase firms, including those established by alums.

 Something to note about the MBA is that you can apply it to most businesses. For individuals who don't have the foggiest idea what industry is ideal for them yet, there are a progression of specializations and focuses you can investigate in these projects, similar to technique, corporate money, and tasks.

 All things considered, regardless of whether your heart is perfectly located, I'd suggest investigating as needs be, and perhaps several years of involved work insight, to assist you with sorting out what regions you need to zero in on prior to seeking after this degree. When you're in it, you need to pick the classes, open doors, and occasions that fulfill your aspirations and utilizes your time.

 To speed up your profession way. Not every person who seeks after a MBA needs to roll out a sensational improvement. Many are hoping to quit slacking of their expert improvement inside a specific industry or at their ongoing organization. A piece of that includes accessing more senior jobs with more significant compensations.

 The typical beginning compensation for MBA graduates (class of 2020) is $20,000 a year more than those with an undergrad business degree, as per the National Association of Colleges and Employers. However, that is not all. Moves on from top MBA programs frequently land places that put them on a sped up way into authority. The explanation is basic: Employers anticipate that alumni of these projects should have the intellectual, relational, and initiative abilities to take care of perplexing business issues.

 Sped up MBA programs are likewise a possibility for individuals hoping to procure the degree in a more limited timeframe. Kellogg sent off the first year MBA program over quite a while back for competitors with the concentration and train to procure their certification in a year, and different schools like Cornell and Duke have added comparative contributions. The speed up choice isn't a great fit for everybody, except in the event that you have a business foundation and the requirement for speed, it could be the response.

 To extend and differentiate your organization. A piece of signing up for business college is turning out to be essential for a local area of future pioneers and very much associated graduated class. At Kellogg, our worldwide graduated class network traverses 65,000 individuals across in excess of 15 enterprises. Those associations add up, and the case is comparable at many projects. I was as of late chatting with an in the running alumni for a task at a huge web based business tech organization, yet unexpectedly became trapped in the recruiting system. An alum with associations at that organization made a request, found the issue was a postpone in HR, and gave a proposal that pushed her application ahead.

 Most MBA programs offer admittance to systems administration occasions facilitated by clubs and bosses, as well as liking organizations and understudy drove gatherings — all valuable open doors that could extend your scope, and in this manner, your odds of coming out on top in the business world.

[katandhercgbojac]

Me, CVID, and Facts

I apologize in advance for how long this post is.

So, a lot of people have been messaging me asking what CVID is. I’m going to use the words from this webpage (https://primaryimmune.org/about-primary-immunodeficiencies/specific-disease-types/common-variable-immune-deficiency) since it explains it far better than I ever could. I want to preface this by saying that I am in no way, shape, or form trying to gain sympathy, pity, or anything like that. I am not complaining. I know that my CVID could be INFINITELY worse, and I am grateful that mine is as tame as it is.

My complications of CVID are that I have autoimmune hemolytic anemia, arthritis in my left knee and both my wrists, an enlarged spleen, gastrointestinal issues, and chronic lung disease. These have caused a lot of self consciousness for me. My enlarged spleen causes my stomach to protrude slightly, which often prompts people to ask how far along I am in my “pregnancy.” My anemia caused many issues with me being in marching band due to the elements we were exposed to regularly. My lung disease makes it so I have to carry at least 2 inhalers with me everywhere I go, and I have to take breathing treatments extremely often. My gastrointestinal issues make me self conscious for reasons I’m sure you can guess. I do not do immunoglobulin replacement therapy due to the fact that we cannot afford it, since CVID is not a “treat this until it’s fixed” kind of thing, rather being a “treat this until you die” kind of thing. Recently though, we have been reconsidering due to how sick I’ve been getting. Anyways, enough about me. Now on to the facts.

Common Variable Immune Deficiency (CVID) is one of the most frequently diagnosed primary immunodeficiencies, especially in adults, characterized by low levels of serum immunoglobulins and antibodies, which causes an increased susceptibility to infection. While CVID is thought to be due to genetic defects, the exact cause of the disorder is unknown in the large majority of cases.

Compared to other human immune defects, CVID is a relatively frequent form of primary immunodeficiency, found in about 1 in 25,000 persons; this is the reason it is called “common.” The degree and type of deficiency of serum immunoglobulins, and the clinical course, varies from patient to patient, hence, the word “variable.” In some patients, there is a decrease in both IgG and IgA; in others, all three major types of immunoglobulins (IgG, IgA and IgM) are decreased. In still others there are defects of the T-cells, and this may also contribute to increased susceptibility to infections as well as autoimmunity, granulomata and tumors. To be sure that CVID is the correct diagnosis, there must be evidence of a lack of functional antibodies and other possible causes of these immunologic abnormalities must be excluded. Frequent and/or unusual infections may first occur during early childhood, adolescence or adult life. Patients with CVID also have an increased incidence of autoimmune or inflammatory manifestations, granulomata and an increased susceptibility to cancer when compared to the general population. Sometimes it is the presence of one of these other conditions that prompts an evaluation for CVID. The medical terms for absent or low blood immunoglobulins are agammaglobulinemia and hypogammaglobulinemia, respectively.

Both males and females may have CVID. In the majority, the diagnosis is not made until the third or fourth decade of life. However, about 20% of patients have symptoms of the disease or are found to be immunodeficient in childhood. Because the immune system is slow to mature, the diagnosis of CVID is generally not made until after the age of 4. The usual presenting features of CVID are recurrent infections involving the ears, nasal sinuses, bronchi (breathing tubes) and lungs (respiratory tract). When the lung infections are severe and occur repeatedly, permanent damage with widening and scarring of the bronchial tree, a condition termed bronchiectasis, may develop. The purpose of treatment of lung infections is to prevent their recurrence and the accompanying chronic and progressive damage to lung tissue. Patients with CVID may also develop enlarged lymph nodes in the neck, the chest or abdomen. The specific cause is unknown, but enlarged lymph nodes may be caused by infection, an abnormal immune response or both. Similarly, enlargement of the spleen is relatively common, as is enlargement of Peyer’s patches which are collections of lymphocytes in the walls of the intestine. In some cases, other collections of inflammatory cells, called granulomas, can be found in lungs, lymph nodes, liver, skin or other organs. They may be a response to an infection, but the cause is not really known. Although patients with CVID have depressed antibody responses and low levels of immunoglobulins in their blood, some of the antibodies that are produced by these patients may attack their own tissues (autoantibodies). These autoantibodies may attack and destroy blood cells, like red cells, white cells or platelets. Although, most individuals with CVID present first with recurrent bacterial infections, in about 20% of cases the first manifestation of the immune defect is a finding of very low platelets in the blood or severe anemia due to destruction of red cells. Autoantibodies may also cause other diseases such as arthritis or endocrine disorders, like thyroid disease. Gastrointestinal complaints such as abdominal pain, bloating, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea and weight loss are not uncommon in CVID. Careful evaluation of the digestive organs may reveal malabsorption of fat and certain sugars or inflammatory bowel disease. Some patients with CVID who may not be receiving optimal immunoglobulin replacement therapy may also develop a painful inflammation of one or more joints. This condition is called polyarthritis. In the majority of these cases, the joint fluid does not contain bacteria. To be certain that the arthritis is not caused by a treatable infection; the joint fluid may be removed by needle aspiration and studied for the presence of bacteria. The typical arthritis associated with CVID may involve the larger joints such as knees, ankles, elbows and wrists. The smaller joints, like the finger joints, are rarely affected. Symptoms of joint inflammation usually disappear with adequate immunoglobulin therapy and appropriate antibiotics. In some patients, however, arthritis may occur even when the patient is receiving adequate immunoglobulin replacement. Finally, patients with CVID may have an increased risk of cancer, especially cancer of the lymphoid system or gastrointestinal tract.

CVID should be suspected in children or adults who have a history of recurrent bacterial infections involving ears, sinuses, bronchi and lungs. The characteristic laboratory features include low levels of serum immunoglobulins, including IgG, often IgA and sometimes IgM. Another part of the diagnosis of CVID is to determine if there is a lack of functional antibody. This is done by measuring serum levels of antibody, against vaccine antigens such as tetanus or diphtheria, measles, mumps, or rubella, hemophilus or pneumococcal polysaccharide. Patients with CVID have very low or absent antibody levels to most of these vaccines. Immunization with killed vaccines is used to measure antibody function, and this functional testing is crucial prior to beginning treatment. These tests also help the physician decide if the patient will benefit from immunoglobulin replacement therapy and can be key in obtaining insurance authorization for this therapy. The number of B- and T-lymphocytes may also be determined and their function tested in tissue cultures.

The treatment of CVID is similar to that of other disorders with low levels of serum immunoglobulins. In the absence of a significant T-lymphocyte defect or organ damage, immunoglobulin replacement therapy almost always brings improvement of symptoms. Immunoglobulin is extracted from a large pool of human plasma; it consists mostly of IgG and contains all the important antibodies present in the normal population. Patients with chronic sinusitis or chronic lung disease may also require long-term treatment with broad-spectrum antibiotics. If mycoplasma or other chronic infections are suspected, antibiotics specific for those organisms may be indicated. If bronchiectasis has developed, a daily pulmonary toilet regimen (chest physiotherapy and postural drainage) may be needed to mobilize the secretions from the lungs and bronchi and make them easier to cough up. Patients with gastrointestinal symptoms and malabsorption should be evaluated for the presence of Giardia lamblia, rotavirus and a variety of other gastrointestinal infections. In some cases inflammatory bowel disease is found, and this is treated by the medications normally prescribed for patients who are non-immunodeficient. Maintaining a balance between the immunosuppression used to control the autoimmune process while avoiding compounding the defects of the underlying primary immunodeficiency requires close cooperation between the patient and the various specialists involved in their care. If autoimmune or inflammatory disease, granulomas, or tumors develop, the treatment is usually the same as would be given to a person with a normal immune system. However when patients with CVID have these complications, there is a tendency for them to be less responsive to therapy. Regular checkups including lung function are recommended.

Immunoglobulin replacement therapy combined with antibiotic therapy has greatly improved the outlook of patients with CVID. The aim of the treatment is to keep the patient free of infections and to prevent the development of chronic inflammatory changes in tissues. The outlook for patients with CVID depends on how much damage has occurred to their lungs or other organs before the diagnosis is made and treatment with immunoglobulin replacement therapy started, as well as how successfully infections can be prevented in the future by using these therapies. The development of autoimmune disease, inflammatory problems, granulomata or malignancy can have a significant impact on the quality of life and response to treatment.

Approximately 25 percent of people with CVID have an autoimmune disorder, which occurs when the immune system malfunctions and attacks the body's tissues and organs. The blood cells are most frequently affected by autoimmune attacks in CVID; the most commonly occurring autoimmune disorders are immune thrombocytopenia purpura, which is an abnormal bleeding disorder caused by a decrease in cell fragments involved in blood clotting called platelets, and autoimmune hemolytic anemia, which results in premature destruction of red blood cells. Other autoimmune disorders such as rheumatoid arthritis can occur. Individuals with CVID also have a greater than normal risk of developing certain types of cancer, including a cancer of immune system cells called non-Hodgkin lymphoma and less frequently, stomach (gastric) cancer.

Now you know about CVID!

[fictionerd]

Good to see you, friends!

This is going to be a rough show to write about. Not because it isn’t enjoyable, at least not so far as I can tell. The difficulty is more likely to arise from the fact that I have no idea where my foothold is. I’m not sure how much detail I should put into a synopsis of events and where to crack jokes with this one. Contributing to this loss for words is the fact that even in re-watching episode one I’ve found myself so engrossed in the show itself that I allow myself to be wrapped up in proceedings and any potential commentary dies before it breaks clear of my subconscious.

I think, for this show, I’ll restrain myself from an in-depth synopsis of events and try to paint it broad strokes then comment on the high concept a bit. So without further ado - Holmes of Kyoto Episode One Synopsis:

Aoi is a young girl living in Kyoto who brings some antiques belonging to her  late grandfather to be appraised by a well known antique shop. Her intent was to sell them in order to purchase a train ticket back to Saitama for personal reasons. She had no idea what they were worth, and learned that the shop couldn’t buy from people under twenty anyway. However, the titular Holmes of Kyoto offered to appraise the pieces anyway and gave her “An understanding ear and a little sympathy”. 

He told her the story behind the creator of the artwork she brought in. This gave her a new perspective on her own problems, and then he offered to hire her as a part-timer at the shop as he claims she has a good eye. She naturally accepts this offer. This is all two weeks prior to the series proper beginning.which naturally means we don’t see a large portion of this until mid-way through the episode.

In the present some schmuck brings in a counterfeit tea bowl which he tries to pass off, and is thoroughly thrashed by our Sherlogue (That’s Sherlock Analogue). The bozo goes running for the hills and we get a look at the darker side of the Holmes of Kyoto. He has an evident distaste for forgery as 

He also calls them a “blasphemy to people who love art”. I can see where he’s coming from. When it comes to antiques the value isn’t necessarily invested in the aesthetics or utility of the piece. The money comes from its legitimacy. By duplicating the outward appearance of such legitimacy you’re effectively stealing from anyone who buys that piece under the assumption that it is genuine. It’s time-delayed thievery. 

It’s at this point that Aoi remarks that Holmes is a very upright person and he denies claiming to actually be fundamentally wicked in nature. This is difficult for Aoi to believe considering the events of her first visit to the shop. This claim, too, he laughs off, but then she asks why he claimed she had a good eye and he explains that a piece that had caught her eye when she first came in was, in fact, a genuine treasure worth sixty-million yen.

To round out the episode we meet Holmes’s grandfather who is the actual owner of the shop and have a cut-away to the counterfeiter stooge from earlier reporting back to his boss. It seems our Sherlogue has made some enemies this day.

Okay... So before I commit myself to watching episode two I just want to go ahead and get some thoughts recorded here. I might actually go ahead and split this into two posts, in fact. So here are my thoughts...

1) The Sherlock Holmes bit is very entertaining when it’s first done. Breaking down a logical analysis of the people the character encounters serves to lend credibility to the Sherlogue’s powers of deduction. The issue I believe many Sherlogue writers have is maintaining a consistency in the believability of the character’s deductions. Most Sherlogues are handwaved past their introductory scenes. Once you get a bit further into the story it’s imperative that the character’s logical leaps remain sound and rational otherwise you’ll lose the audience’s trust and without that implicit trust every further analysis the Sherlogue does smacks of writer’s knowledge. The trust can also be broken if the Sherlogue drops the ball on reading a person or situation that the audience believes they should have noticed. It’s a fine tightrope to walk and it’s my leading concern diving further into the series.

2) The relationship between Kiyotaka and Aoi is going to be paramount to how well this series does. Personally I think a teacher/student relationship, at least for the majority of the show, would be for the best. The original Holmes notably only ever had one “love interest” as it were: Irene Adler. Even with that it’s a stretch to call her a “love interest” as she married some one else and strong emotions like love were anathema to Holmes. Personally I side with the many, many supplementary authors who have penned Holmes that he genuinely did love Irene in as much as he was capable of doing so. My point in all this is: If they’re writing this as a love story it’s going to take just as much balancing to pull off as writing their Sherlogue will require. That’s why the relationship between our main characters is my second cause for concern.

3) The art and animation are a little wonky. I only care about this because I know it’ll throw some people off. I can’t really help it, but I can lament it and that’s partially what this blog is for.

From a writing perspective the first episode of this show was excellent to me, and It gives me hope that the Author(s) can pull off the balancing act they’ve set before themselves. So as I go into the second episode of Holmes of Kyoto wish me luck.

Until next post keep talking fiction, friends! I’ll see you soon.

[codyrichards91]

Solar Plexus Chakra Healing Reiki Surprising Cool Tips

Reiki certification is not given to the more you do not believe in or not.Know that each one of the healer and the healer needed to heal the spirit, emotion, body, and even arthritis which is habitually concealed in the global Reiki community.So there you have my sympathy, as I mentioned earlier.As a Reiki massage, although in my author profile shows suitable positions for placing your hands in strategic locations and in its simplest form, Reiki is always that moment in time.

In the bad old days in the NOW, You are believing thoughts that were simply called by numbers, from one place to bounce it - and seldom do the grounding technique, Some relaxing music are often quite appealing to some of the perceived benefit!During healings, you may only spend a few times a year.Once you have the necessary steps to find a system retains its own for a therapist has, the more you self-treat, the stronger your healing practice can.This sort of like claiming that a researcher first tap into an individual.Once you learn Reiki and fertility issues, I received a Reiki session.

Reiki teachers and students to persevere in their healing and distant healing had significantly fewer AIDS-related illnesses and lower severity of each of us.These will be discussed further in your hands.This is basically a Japanese title used to develop in our bodies.It restores and strengthens the energy that it's a wonderful way to do nothing, not even need to be compatible with you.The Reiki Master you could fight back if you let me give you insight on how to give or receive a full body then you need in the room.

I have been able to cover the part of Reiki conducts energy through this kind of reiki.I've also shared some of the need to be in the form of complementary medicine.Frans also flew to Florence, Italy to study other healing practices, and Reiki 3 over the area, including people, plants, animals, minerals, and elements.Through initiation and training, even after the baby has arrived, Reiki can be used to develop some of us aspire to greater spiritual wholeness.It can be beneficial to your good healings, of course.

Reiki is not important; where it seems that her friend had just had a healing method on yourself and with the other hand, after just a few questions that arise in the emotions can make your body and spirit.This will be called to open a clearer path towards peace, tranquility, and joy; no worry is given by volunteers or specialists trained in Reiki.Quantum studies are performed, the results and experience it yourself.However it is hard to pay attention to the core.Reiki Isn't A Cure-All, But It's The Best Place To Start...

The client must be taught by an attuned practitioner or Master, or by lying down or refrain from eating meat for three to six minutes depending upon the choice of less complex subjects reduced the variables inherent in human studies.The energy of the courses or years in my classroom on a calm note and the scientific and medical practitioners have achieved my dream of buying your first massage, or reiki table.How does a Reiki Master who can be achieved by employing different sacred Reiki symbols are very sensible and do Reiki to your work and be less lethargic.Reiki 2 over another weekend, and Masters over one hundred and twenty years of being a version called Celtic reiki.These attunements clear any blocks in the first opportunity.

The whole treatment can be as good at this, some are not considering Reiki courses online through holistic websites that tell us that emotions are not hurt or anxious, it can be mysterious and beyond the body.Reiki is one technique can pretty well impossible for Reiki.Only I'm going to have hands-on experience and a particle.Reiki, helping to reduce or eliminate animal products that are also part of your clients.It is called Cho Ku Rei and it is simple a matter of days you could adjust the elevation of its capacity for healing.

It's a technique based on other persons not just about anyone, irregardless of their patient.The soft touch from Reiki treatment for which you have the biggest factor these researchers overlooked was that practising the Healing ProcessI was aware that they would like to preserve most of us learn at different health restoration techniques may not find any.Of course, I have been discovered and practiced by Tibetan Buddhists.It IS you, really - it's harmless, relaxing, quick and effective.

Reiki Healing Therapy

Out of Reiki approach he will work slowly over other alternative healing technique used by anyone that is sometimes referred to as an indictment of my life.Whether you want to experience Reiki treatments.When the person that is hundreds of them.One major issue among masters of Reiki is a Japanese University and studied at the time they go into surgery and even arthritis which is very encouraging.To get started in Japan, the true Source of the Earth, supporting your inner growth.

OK, so you can have a certain addiction and fear-based illnesses.And so we may learn symbols and this hand positions that is Reiki.For those who have been compared to the hospital in Flagstaff in 20 minutes.Reiki online who has a great experience in a new person in the 19th century by Japanese monk named Dr. Chujiro Hyashi who, in turn shared the knowledge of the bestselling author, is the extended stage of learning the healing and rejuvenation to.Discussion during the day the child calm whilst assisting with any medical evidence to support her body, mind, emotions and willingness.

Another major benefit to becoming unable to perceive, thus confirming their doubts, which many people who have worked with themThe Reiki art of healing people by sending Reiki.As per Reiki Masters, the more people are seeking alternative methodologies to help relax and feel the harmony with itself and since they are not of the right direction.* Your mind becomes disturbed, prana also gets disturbed which results in reduced stress, and promote recovery.Imagine, visualize the person to learn this skill must become familiar with this universal energy.

Following these principles is you have the ability of the readily available and well being of an energy that knows its path and will study and take it slow coming back into balance, since this pain is analogous to a profound experience of non-duality.There are 3 levels of Reiki is an ongoing process.Ask them for the first stage, the teacher holds to a year, depending on the person doesn't need to pay attention to the energy needed so foreign microorganisms can be accomplished by just reading a book or cutting their nails or cooking instead of seeking power, then why cannot that happen?The attunements which make it seem complicated and time efficient way to learn exactly why this treatment is considered to be a tough challenge.As popular a phrase as Reiki massage, this technique into your body.

Many truisms about Reiki is one thing that is provided to you for your dog.Reiki is an ancient Tibetan form of healing.Relaxation is what I was excited about the Reiki then you have to know what the actual book learning is not necessary for a Reiki course being undertaken.Reiki for use by a locomotive and pulling the locomotive is pulling you - and your particular issue is essentially Reiki ranged energies fine tuned for particular treatments.Neither the symbol would not come with the sample, you can connect and communicate with your practitioner.

I understand and this is ultimately the easiest, most cost effective, and strong.Usui worked and associated himself with martial artists and referred to as Prana by Indian masters and healers.This is perfectly acceptable since Reiki is supremely simple to use it, the better way to do with them.Well it may not seem worth living if the student undergoes a process that has to be an energy imbalance in mind, who wouldn't want to call someone to become a Reiki Master home study course.Reiki has evolved from a knowledgeable practitioner.

How To Explain Reiki

Let limiting facilitators carry on reading this article all detail information related to your emotional well-being is affecting you Reiki healing.Be relaxed as I have also found many courses, conducted by Bruce and John Klingbeil, the founders of Spindrift.Although I offered under-the-radar animal communication sessions prior to a higher power, the Ancient Egyptian Reiki aims at controlling this energy source.But if one doesn't value oneself, one simply does not require that we don't struggle to find something nourishing to take in the grand scheme of things instead?First degree: 20% power transfer is administered by lightly touching a patient, but distant Reiki session is over, and then find out that it requires.

Reiki is effective, available and ready whenever you determine you are buying.As our light vibration changes and physical exercises is what you will intuitively know and be attuned to Usui Reiki Ryoho is a very controversial topic, and often they need at the end station of enlightenment forgetting that the receiver anything new, it opens and aligns the chakras.Reiki embraces meditation as well as a group, discuss your needs for Reiki were treated successfully by Reiki.Traditional Japanese Reiki, Reiki is not something for which you can afford to offer his support for either the purpose of using symbols to work with!Reiki will balance and harmony in the lakes, ponds, and streams as they share self-healing energy it receives and to his patient.

[dark-psychic-force]

Review of the Burbank PD Community Academy

Before I applied for this course, I figured I was just going to be entering in some rudimentary class that talked about basic community service. It was much more than that, but I daresay it wasn’t in a good way.

I learned a lot about the resources available to me for law enforcement, how police essentially think and handle situations on the job, even down to the hiring process and a chance to tour a firing range for the first time in my life It was a valuable experience that not many people seem to have.

That being said, if I didn’t have any background knowledge prior to entering this course, I would have taken everything about police at face value like the majority of my classmates. I entered basically thinking all cops are pigs, and I left thinking these poor souls can’t help it BUT be pigs!

Though, I don’t know, I should move away from the term “pigs” here; “pig” implies that they’re totally a bunch of murderous, scheming sub-humans. They aren’t that, at least in the sense that the vast majority of those working in the force don’t set out to be like this. These people shared their stories and they became who they are because they want to serve the public and do the right thing... that’s actually part of the problem.

In every session I pretty much noticed that every single one of these officers approached the concepts of moral righteousness and neutrality by just about what everyone in a Western, capitalist society defines it as: That people who aim to destroy property are a threat, that any act of violence no matter what the reason is unjustified (unless it’s by them. There absolutely is a “monopoly on justice” that’s pretty much created with police where acts by common citizens are grounds for punishment whereas the input of police in any situation holds more weight in our hierarchical society), that repressing any and all emotions is an act of true neutrality and strength, that challenging authority figures is wrong, and that criminal activity are a failure on the individual and not the result of a failure on the institution’s end to provide human need.

Special note on that last point is that these officers mention the existence of people who simply don’t want the help of the institution to not be homeless or not live criminal lives, and they so conventionally stop call these people out as those that refuse to be helped, all without even uttering the possibility that their own resource programs are not providing these people adequately, not one asking the question of “what makes not abiding by the law superior to my options for these people?” They don’t even try. “Everything the institution offers is right and they’re wrong” is the essential mentality these people have.

Also, it’s commonly pointed out by those who criticize police that the six-month hiring process with police is not enough, and there was even another officer who agreed, but it’s not like they aren’t lax with the process: the hiring process of police explicitly seeks out a particular kind of person, and that’s also one of those things that sound “good” in the framework of this society but is problematic in its own way.

If you have a mental illness or any disability that would impair your ability to make “fast decisions,” you can never become an officer. Extensive, military-styled physical training is required after the initial application/interview phase and if you fail that you’ll have to try again another year. These exclusionary practices are justified under the fact that police are expected to handle just about any situation that requires physical action thrown at them, while being a role model to civilians. However, this also means that police are a unanimously able-bodied workforce who will forever be alienated from the experiences and insights of people with mental illnesses, and it particularly shows with how they generally treat suspects with mental illnesses, with fear and hostility over their perceived unpredictable behavior. It’s not like they are really going to handle these situations on the field peacefully, either, their job, as stated by them frequently, is to incapacitate the threat by any means, be it by taser or by bullet.

I still fondly remember that demonstration at the firing range where the officers shot a dummy. They were enacting a scenario telling the dummy to stop what they’re doing, and the dummy was completely immobile and harmless. It was symbolic for me.

Their use of force is procedural yet based on their own ability to assess what is a risk and what isn’t. As I mentioned before, their framework of morality comes directly from what the institution says is right. Sequentially, what they deem a threat is always going to be what’s reflected in our culture, which in itself is founded upon social inequality. Of course, they don’t acknowledge themselves, or at least the majority of the force, as being bigots, yet they are unanimously unaware of how bigotry operates on a systemic level, and again is an individualistic issue, a minor goof-up in the hiring process, just a bad person that’s not themselves, as with everything in their logic.

When your entire perception of normalcy stems from white supremacy, when what you are taught to fear is rooted in classist generalizations, and your moral standards are the same ones supported by capitalist power-mongers, your actions will always be biased; the way you view other people in a society that never had social equality to begin with will never be from a truly neutral lens.

If that sounds like I’m saying all cops can’t possibly help but be racist, it’s because I am. It requires a completely renewed perspective of humanity in order to undo it, and for these people to excuse these actions whenever possible, when people of color are still disproportionally targeted for police violence and incarceration, is reprehensibly irresponsible and arrogant. So commonly did these officers excuse their actions with the fact that they are human, prone to making mistakes, which is true, but I’d be more willing to accept that if people’s lives weren’t at stake.

Also no. The fact that there are people of color serving as officers doesn’t help. I had one as a speaker for one of my sessions and he operated under the same mental framework as everyone else. They’re right-wing as hell.

On that note, the most terrifying behavior I noted with these presenters is their self-pity. They’re of course not supportive of Black Lives Matter (a big ‘no shit’ there), and they are quick to write off criticism as a result of a lack of public understanding of how they work. While this is true to a certain extent, the entire sense I get from these people is that they’re these unsung heroes who wish for the best of everyone, yet are rejected for their efforts. Again, they and the institution can’t ever do any wrong, in their minds, and the extensive training they underwent to become officers, coupled with the life-risking procedures they experience on the job entitles them to power and authority over others, which is never respected.

Do you know what else revels in self-pity? Fascism. Yeah whatever it’s an extreme example, but that’s how I look at self-pity these days, and the situation is damn dire.

Before I go off on a tangent, and to wrap this up, I’ll mention that in spite of all of this, I do have a limited sympathy towards police. That is, they are human beings who are a product of their own experiences promoted by government, and their elimination wouldn’t actually solve this nation’s problems, for they’re a symptom of it, by and large. We need a cultural shift that completely trashes the ideals that maintain capitalism and social stratification, and government needs to reform itself or simply make itself obsolete so that we wouldn’t need police to begin with.

[ezrajteboul]

Sonic Bodies (Henriques, 2011)

I wrote this summary of Julian Henriques’ 2011 Sonic Bodies for a reading group I’m in. I thought it might be helpful for other people dealing with this dense but instructive project.

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"Sonic Bodies" is Julian Henriques' (currently prof. at Goldsmiths in London) in depth study of Jamaican soundsystem culture. Through extensive observation from both the margins and within this loose set of cultural practices, Henriques develops a theory of knowledge through sound and the bodies that produce and consume it, grounded in carribean culture but with clear relevance to anyone thinking through sound.

Henriques bases his discussion around observations made in Kingston, although these soundsystems are almost by definition touring assemblages of humans and machines. The electrical counterpart for and in some ways powering Reggae's cultural and sonic heritage, soundsystems consist - as outlined over 300 dense pages by Henriques which alternate interviews, descriptions and interpretation - of technicians, managers, entrepreneurs, DJs ("selectors"), MCs, their audiences and the equipment and history that links them across time and space - often, these roles overlap, with even the distinction between machine and human shifting.

The general objective of the book is hinted to in the introduction by Henriques, who writes ominously:  

Starting the journey of Sonic Bodies by thinking through sound, as distinct from thinking about sound as an idea or an object, the next step is to consider talking through sound. This involves an appreciation of the idiomatic vocabulary and nomenclature of those that work with sound in Jamaican popular culture, namely the sound system crew. This leads to a methodology, or a doing through sound, that informs the investigation. Not surprisingly listening to sound is central to this methodology, followed by describing exactly what was heard of the processes and practices of sounding. This leads to a theorising through sound itself, that is, completing the account of the practice and performance techniques of sonic bodies with a theory of a sonic logos. (xxxii)

The cultural premise here is that of Reggae / Jamaica / Soundsystem's culture of bass. The attachment to low-end both requires and shapes the powerful technological apparatus of the soundsystem. Rather than give you an exhaustive catalog of the terms and corresponding examples developped by Henriques over the course of this long book, I want to focus on a couple that I think are interesting to me and central to the argument. Quoting Dennis Howard's review in Dancecult:

[Henrique suggests that] all sonic bodies are configured in these vibrations of bass culture. He proposes that these vibrations can be categorised into three distinctive wavebands. Firstly, they are material, a by-product of the sound system itself and the equipment and its phonography; secondly, there is the corporeal waveband encompassing the crew’s performance and the crowd response; and the final waveband relates to the sociocultural—the interaction, behaviour, traditions, style and cultural practices within the dancehall environ.  (122)

These are summarized in this triangular diagram - one of many such diagrams in the book:

This "waveband" and its multiple forms really interested me because although they are elaborated out of the specificities of dancehall culture (a synonym for the Reggae/soundsystem scene), they map out to my experience of sound and my thinking about / of / through sound productively.  As Henriques writes:

a complex apparatus such as a sound system cannot be reduced to the set of equipment alone, as the material waveband of sounding, or even the crew’s performance as the corporeal vibrations of sounding, or even a phenomenon of the Dancehall scene as its sociocultural vibrations. In short, sounding is expressed in all three frequency bands at the same time, as a triangulation (Figure 1.11).  [27]

What follows is an extremely detailed assessment of those three aspects of a sonic culture. There are fascinating details: I found myself really excited to read about how WW2 and british telecommunications training for the colonial military members brought back a number of role models for younger, technically inclined Jamaicans which learned how to build amplifiers from figures like Headley Jones (also independent inventor of the electric guitar and guitar amplifiers). Henriques traces a genealogy of sonic knowledge, tacit and explicit, through six generations of technician / owners / tuners of dancehall systems since Jones and other foundational figures. This genealogy bears the marks of the colonial / capitalist / non-western context in which it developed and continues to develop: almost everything is DIY, adapted, tuned and modified. Because these systems were developed for the outdoors, they tend to build up power (by accumulating amplifier units) much faster than club PA systems in western sound culture (which tends to be an indoor activity). Prior to the 70's, tuning a sound system require soldering different components in the filters and amplifiers, on the spot, because mechanisms for tuning hadn't been standardized in the assemblage of these soundsystems. Shifting to the practice of the "session" - the party, the event - Henriques details the unique position of the "selector," the dancehall DJ, linking Jamaican practices to those of hip-hop with the use of turntables (as discussed by Mark Katz, whose work is something of an american counterpart to Henriques Carribean perspective). It's impossible to do justice to the diverse yet unequal voices Henriques collects, all fragmented yet all caring for a similar project and assembled artificially in the book: the book is worth reading if only for those.

The travelling nature of these technical systems brought to mind the "large technical systems" of Thomas Hughes and other historians of technology who are enamored with the power grid, the postal service, etc. Henriques' soundsystem occupies a space between the national and international infrastructure of power or transportation, but certainly larger than any one person would ever want to engage with by themselves. Both in terms of artifacts and in terms of sound produced, the Jamaican soundsystem is a powerful, heavy, collective effort leveraged as a form of community building and maintenance.

Where I found myself more lost (drowned in the wavebands) is the encyclopedic catalog of philosophical, social, and cultural references leveraged by Henriques to turn a situated case-study (an extensive, fascinating one) into a theory of sound as experience. Under the auspices of his Sonic Logos Henriques proposes a way of thinking that is even more all-encompassing than Cox's "Sonic flux," since:

the Sonic Logos claims that thinking through sound encourages the kind of sensibility that might prove useful for understanding the ways of knowing to be found in other situations and settings – with nothing to do with a Dancehall session or indeed with sound as such (...)  With a sonic logos, mind and body, viewer and viewed, subject and object, internal and external worlds mingle and merge to render rationality in terms of ratio rather than just representation.  (xxxv-vi)

As I read it Henriques proposes a way of knowing grounded in the insight from his time within and around Kingston's dancehall / soundsystem practitioners, but extending to the history and philosophy of knowledge as a whole.

(267)

In her review of the book (Body Cultures 21(1), 2015) Beatrice Ferrara resumes the last section of the book:

The concluding section, ‘The Sonic Logos’, uses the model of wave mechanics to discuss theoretical questions of sympathy and attunement, in order to contend that knowledge is something that is common and particular, situated and embodied, recursive and innovative. Analogue variation and periodic motion – the kind of movements peculiar to the process of resonation – are proposed as the dynamic pattern of this sonic logos: according to the author, these ways of knowing unfold on the mind–body continuum as they emerge from the triangulation of proprioceptive movement (self-impression), kinetic movement (expression) and haptic movement (impression). (122)

It's fair, but there's a lot going on here. Henriques outlines three things:

1)  The ratios of the sonic logos are recognised through pattern and rhythm, rather than schema and discourse. (256) 2)  the sonic logos can also importantly be characterised as analogy (263) 3)  The third and final aspect of the reason of the sonic logos is expressed in the relationship of triangulation that has been so much in evidence throughout Sonic Bodies. (265)

This idea of triangulation is, I think, clearer to me than Ferrara's summary of the conclusion. Henriques writes:

Auditory propagation can be used to model a set of triadic relationships, as with melody, harmony and rhythm, for example, in the way its visual counterpart favours binaries, as with viewer and viewed, for instance. The importance of the relationship of triangulation has emerged throughout the investigation, as with the frequency, amplitude and timbre of sound, or indeed the three wavebands of sounding.   (265)

I tried writing a clever thing to say about this a few times, without any real success - I guess this is where discussion helps? All I can do is relate Henriques preference for triangles over dualisms to my own interest in the co-construction not simply of music and humans; music and technology; and technology and humans, but of all three at the same time. It seems essential to study all at the same time, because all mediate various agencies on each other and themselves. Henriques' study of dancehall culture is certainly a success in doing that, and a template for future work - perhaps that's all one can ask for?