#my stomach hurts so bad tho I cant keep up if theres gonna be more after this Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[heavenmercy]

thoughts on damgory (Damien x gregory)

neutral! Its fine, I can see how they can work, its different and I like the dynamic. I wouldn't ship it myself, but I can see it being great

[irameii]

HEATHER:||: ERIC

Warnings:|| one sided love

Summary: I wish I was her....

A laugh rings throughout the air. One so familiar, you cant help but smiling automatically at the sound. His presence, one that illuminates wherever he goes. Slowly turning around, there he is ,your best friend.

There it is , a smile, a gesture so simple yet it causes a million butterflies to flutter within you and causes your mind to go fuzzy. Its like he doesn't know his own charm or the control he has over you, but no one knows. No one knows the feelings you carry within.

(Idkh these pov thingys work yet sorryy)

Eric: y/n!!!!!!. Eric yells as he jogs closer, and grabs y/n's shoulder y/n: yes Eric?* deep breath* Eric: did you do the homework for math class? * Breathe* y/n: Yeah I did.I actually finished it before class ended yesterday. Eric: you're gonna let me see it right??? *heart beating gets louder* Take a step back Y/n : nope. You should've done it. *starts walking down the hall* Thinking he's wandered off you let out a deep sigh... Knowing if you let him beg enough youd cave in and you knew better. He would never learn this way.and soon enough you could see yourself falling farther and farther into his grasp over time and he didnt even know it. You let out one more sigh before turning around to see Kevin , who cant help but look at you concerned. Kevin: whats wrong y/n?

.. You avoid eye contact. Kevin is one of those people. Someone who can tell when someones upset. He can read you well. So you knew you had to leave quickly. Y/n: I didnt get much sleep last night. So I'm feeling quite off today, its nothing serious. *nervous laughter*

He seems to kind of believe it since he just nods his head as if he can see it apparent on your face.. But something feels off, like he's pretending to believe you for your sake but you just excuse yourself and head towards the bathroom.Totally unaware he hasnt stopped looking your way since turning around as he nods to himself again as if comfirming somthing to himself before turing to head to his own class.

Y/n Pov

*splash*

*in a quiet voice* 'Whats wrong with me..'.. Its like the moment I look at him I cant help it. My heart begins to race, my stomach ends up feeling funny like there are millions of butterflies, and I get nervous and run away each time he gets closer... *Looks back at self in mirror* only if he knew...

(5 min later.)

*sigh* *walks towards math*

Other POV

You sit down before class begins , and there it is again , his laughter, but this time its different. You cant help but turn around to see whats caused the change in his voice, and its like your throat gets caught. Her. The girl he always is talking to you about.It seems like he was finally able to build the courage to talk to her. The one he wants to take to the movies to see his favorite movies with. The one he wants to show his safe places to . The one who keeps him up at night. The one he wants to wear matching clothes with. The one he wants to spend his holidays with. Her. Its her. Guess he didn't need the homework anymore afterall.

You quickly turn back around , trying to keep your emotions in. You feel yourself go colder with each sound. A tightening feeling in your chest builds everytime you hear them laughing . You sigh and breathe in slowly , praying the class ends quickly .

The moment class ended you jolt up quckly and grab your things and head towards your locker for the next class.

Y/n Pov

*sigh* *grabs snack for break*

Eric:y/n!!!

I dont respond.

Eric:y/n? Whats wrong .*looks concerned*

There he goes again.

Nothing Eric i say. He looks in disbelief. Knowing theres something off.

Eric: hmmm.You sure sure?. Hmm Well lets go with the rest of the guys. They are waiting for us for sure. *wraps arm around shoulder*

It was like a sudden new reflex. I didnt mean to. But jerking away from him seemed like the only thing that my body felt like I should do...

The look of surprise on his face made me feel embarrassed I reacted that way. And as soon as it looked like he was going to ask me what was wrong again I speed down the hall.

And there I meet the rest of the guys , thankfully.

New: thank goodness you're here. Look help me out. Changmin keeps saying this chucky doll here is cute... Come get him .

I cant help but laugh. I take a seat next to Sangyeons right side while Juyeon is on my left.

Juyeon looks towards me as i sit and smiles that crescent moon kind of smile. Of course i return it .

Y/n: I dont know about chucky being cute. But his bride is quite a beauty tho.

New:..... You... You two are something else with your horror movies... Like... You know what, forget it. *laughs in defeat.*

Y/n: *dramatic gasps* my oh my you say that like WE'RE the weird ones.🙄👀

Sunwoo and Q: periodt👀👏

Eric finally arrives.

Eric: Guys!! Guess what?

Sunwoo: you did your math homework for once?

Eric:.... Mm well Uh no, i didnt

Sangyeon: you didnt ask y/n for the answers this time?

Eric: no i did, but she said no. I got it from. H/n (her name)

Hyunjae: so thats what it is. You spoke to her?

*breathe*

Eric: yes and guys, like, I think I've maybe got a chance.

There he goes again... Her. Its all her. JUST her...

Jacob: so did you ask her out?

Eric: yeah I did. I invited her to our movie night tonight. I was gonna ask you guys if you guys were cool with it beforehand but I didnt think I would must the courage to.

Juyeon: anything for you to get the girl. We got you

New: IF he gets her. She just doesnt know the headache she's in for.

Sangyeon: Guess all that practice on y/n was worth it.

Practice...

Thats all I was....

He says it smiling towards me , not knowing the hurt his words have just caused subconsciously but I cant smile. Not even a forced one. I just pretend I didnt heard him.

Eric: yeah she told me she actually thought I was dating y/n but of course I could never. We're like siblings.

Ouch...

New: true...

Q: I dont even think eric is y/n's type anyways

I make eye contact with someone who seems to have been watching my every move.

Kevin...

He looks like he is observing everything... From my reactions to my responses.After another 3 seconds he looks away.Not saying a word either.

Everyones laughing. Everyones congratulating him.

Younghoon:y/n?

Everyone turns to face me.oh .

Y/n: hm?

I was too lost in thought. I spaced out.

Sangyeon: What time are you coming by?

Y/n: for what?

Sunwoo: for the movie. We gotta all be Eric's wingman here. He needs all the help we can offer.

Oh.. She will be there too? Can I handle it? Yes? No? No I cant handle it

Y/n: Uh i cant . I have something that just came up. I just remembered.

I lied. And sure enough. I was seen through.

Eric: like what?

Y/n: something

Q: really? What is it? Maybe we can help you out so you can come by and hang out.

Something is snapping within me. I need to leave.

Y/n: no thanks. You guys have fun.

I get up before they give me a response. I cant be around them . not until i get over these feelings. But its harder than i thought. But i dont want to take it out on them either so I should try.

Everytime We'd see each other after that. It was HER. It was either him with her or about her.

Everytime in class, itd be HER.

Every text , HER.

And the guys went along with it.

And everytime , itd hurt. A punch to the heart. And a bit tighter it would feel each time.

And the constant reminder that its just HER and will always be HER..

only if he knew.. I wish I was her.... its like the way he'd talk about her was like he was telling you the reason for his existence, the way his eyes shined when hed see her and then theyd soften when she'd smile at him,the smile he'd have when hed describe her or simply talk about her and trust me he was always proud to, or the way he tried to contain his happiness when she'd come around to speak to him just showed me all i needed to know.

He loved her. She made him happy . Thats all that mattered.

I felt one of those sad smiles form. Because though he was happy . I was not. I dont want to be reminded its not me constantly..so with thaat thought. I call it quits. Until I no longer feel this feeling. I'll distance myself so I can let go properly and move on with time.

I suddenly stopped responding to the gc messages. Slowly started to decline to hang out. But it seems it wasn't a big deal though. She was there eveytime instead.She became apart of everything they did. And with that I started to spend all my time in the library as a way to naturally distance myself. The guys were worried at first. But once i told them I needed perfect scores to get into my dream college, they decided me spending most of my time in the library for it was alright. It was for my other "dream college" so I should put it first they said. For my future they said.And then they also suddenly stopped asking me to hang out.It didnt take long.They also suddenly stopped directing messages towards me in the gc. Personal messages as well. Slowly one by one. We stopped having things to talk about ,like we've become strangers with time.. Now to just glances every now and then, that was all. Other than that, we became just like strangers. Strangers with memories....

Suddenly..

Kevin: y/n...

*Distant laughter*

I turn to look at Kevin.Sensing he had something to say but it wouldnt come out. He looks towards the table and I follow his gaze towards the table full of boys with her in it. I can only smile. I smile when they errupt with laughter at something new and sunwoo said. Happy they're happy. And with that I turn back to Kevin.

I can only smile at Kevin. No words. Just a smile.

The look on his face says he has something to say still present.

For the past 6 months. He would have that same look on his face when I'd walk past him. But hes never actually stopped me.

Kevin: y/n...

And just like that . Suddenly I'm wrapped in a warmth I didnt think I missed. And it's like it went quiet..and the sound of sniffling fills my ears , and his hold gets tighter. Oh Kevin..

THE END.

Authors note: Maybe I can male a Pt2? This one turned out bad tbh .

I did not edit this but i will later onnnn thank youuuuuu

[ajokeformur-ray]

I watched Joker tonight and typed out my thoughts as they occurred to me. Unedited; typos are guaranteed. I did this a few months ago and really enjoyed looking back at my thought process and I wanted to do it again so that I can look back and know that what I feel is real and true in my darkest times.

You're welcome to skip this; it's under a cut for ease of doing so. Warnings for occasional sexual comment lmao. There’s no self shipping in this, I don’t think.

word count: 2, 575.

I’M SOBBING and I’ve only just pressed play.

Heart squeeze Chest much ow

THERE HE IS

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Nooooo baby omg don’t pretend - let yourself hurt if it hurts. Don’t pretend. 

Carnival Carnival Carnivalllllllll 😍😍😍😍😍

I am a Simp for one clown and his name is Carnival

Someone help him, I????

That sign hit Arthur as hard as my love for him did ksksksk

MY EYES BE LEAKIN💔💔💔💔💔

bb nooooo

Oh honey let me kiss those bruises and replace the marks of violence with love, hm? You’re safe with me.

Breathe, my love. Don’t fight the laughter. Let it out, let yourself go. 

Screams into a pillow because????? much sad must kiss

“have you been keeping up with your journal?” LIKE HE HAS TIME

oHHHHH boi’s close to losing his shit

Do it, Artie. Give ‘em hell.

“I think I did” YOU TELL HER!!💖💖💖

I want to be his cigarette. Where’s Satan??? I got a new deal for my blackened soul which he took at half price😂😂😂😂

I’d have my hand between the door and his head so fuckin fast I swear

“I just don’t wanna feel so bad anymore” yep SAME

ohhhh peekaboo🥺🥺🥺

this makes me giggle ksksksk i watch this scene when i feel sad bc it always makes me happy for the time it’s on

he’s so good with kids; he doesn’t have to try and think about what’s funny, he just does it, he’s himself and it works

FUCK OFF LADY CAN’T YOU SEE HE’S STRUGGLING????

give

him

back

his

card

casually wrinkling my nose against tears lmao

ohhh the way he looks up at those stairs from the bottom

i can feel his exhaustion

me too, my love

step step step step

god i wanna get him the fuck outta gotham

and into my arms and a soft, warm blanket

“eat. you need to eat” LITERALLY WHAT I TELL MYSELF EVERY DAY IN HIS VOICE BC OTHERWISE I JUST WOULDNT EAT???? I’m losing so much weight asdfghjk its not enough tho

SUPAH RATS

Did Arthur come up w that joke or was it actually a Murray joke????

HIS VOICE IS SO SOFT IM CRY??🥺🥺🥺🥺

“I WAS PUT HERE TO SPREAD JOY AND LAUGHTER”

YOU DO BABY, YOU DO!!!! EVERY FUCKING DAY!!!!

go deepthroat a cactus randall - youre already a bit of a prick so🙃🙃🙃

“THE GUYS THINNK YOU’RE A FREAK BUT I LIKE YOU”

HOYT. YOU CAN GO SIT ON A CACTUS TOO

FUCK OFF

😡😡😡😡

“WHY WOULD ANYONE STEAL A SIGN”//”WHY DOES ANYONE DO ANYTIHNG?” HOYT YOU’RE SO FUCKING ILLOGICAL HERE IM????? ERIKA DOES NOT (ALSO WILL NOT LMAO IM A STUBBORN BIITCH) COMPUTE

Can arthur fuck me like he pounds the trash/????🥵🥵👀

those dark curls.... that crooked tooth... must kiss.🥺🥺🥺

pennys casual cruelty makes me so fucking angry

foreshadowingggggg ~  *JAZZ HANDS*

ugh the way he dances with that gun im👀🥵🥵🥵

he enjoys the power of it and his breathing gets deeper asdfghjk

clumsy baby omggggg i just COOED 🥺🥺🥺🥺

okay maybe im stupid but i genuinely dont understand this “senior who needs to graduate” skit i’m??? how is being an intro to western civ student funny im???? someone explain???

but also dont bc fuck that guy lmao arthur’s hilarious

true millenial humour (and brit humour lmao we’re dark asf)

THE WAY ARTIE TWIRLS HIS FINGERS AROUND HIS HAIR AND DANCES IN HIS SEAT IM???🥺🥺🥺

wanna curl up on his lap at night when hes writing and go to sleep with a 

blanket around our bodies🥺🥺🥺🥺

when arthur wears a shirt at home you KNOW it’s a daydream

THAT CROOKED TOOTH IM WANT KISS.

WAIT IS IT CALLED STAND UP COMEDY BC YOU STAND UP... AND ITS COMEDY???

23 FUCKING YEARS, PEOPLE... TO REALISE THAT🙄

WHEN CARNIVAL CAME ON SCREEN I NTHE HOSPITAL I MADE A PORNOGRAPHIC NOISE LMAO I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

IF YOURE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT, SHOOT MURRAY

WOOPS WRONG LYRICS

😂

“doctor of laughter”🥺🥺🥺🥺

doctor i have a case of the Big Sad can you... do an exam? 😉😏

NO BB DONT BEAT YOUR HEAD UP THERES PRECIOUS CARGO IN THERE

in what world does chucking cold greasy chips in a girls hair being “nice”???

lmao fuck these guys

ohhh honey breathe. dont fight it, my love, just breathe.

my heart’s breaking for you, you sweet thing🥺🥺🥺

i love you so so so so so so so much ugh you’re an actual fucking angel

just breathe darling

i need to get you a cup of tea with honey in it, your throat must be so sore

ohhhh baby im so sorry

i’d take every single punch if i could

i’d die for you

i wish i could protect you

i wish i could look after you

and take all those hits

and kill those guys for you

im so sorry

sobbingggg

YES GOOD MAN THANK YOUUU

KILL THOSE ASSHOLES LMAO DESERVED IT

yeah i have a grey morality... im similar to deadpool in that way tbh

carnival comin’ to kill your insecurities

8 bullets in a 6 chamber???? mm-hm

DONT FORGET YOUR BAG THATS EVIDENCE

AND THE WIG

RUN BABY RUNNNNNNN

GO GO GO GOOOOOOOOOOOO

RUN LIKE THE WIND BULLSEYE

THE SOUND OF HIS FEET SLAPPING THE PAVEMENT IM👀

OOOOOH JOKER’S WAKIN’ UUUUUUP

fuck he’s so hypnotic

the way he runs his hand down his lower stomach asdfghj🥵

must kiss the inner tendons on his wrists and lick the blood off his face 

must kiss

he moves like water

fuck hes so fluid

bathroom scene = the scene in which my heart and vagina clench at the same time

im WANT

T POSEEEEEEEE

“i still owe you for that, dont i?”

PUNCH OUT IS MY FAVOURITE THING E  V  E  R

D O N T S M I LE

UGH I FUCKING HATE being told to smile if i don’t fucking want to so BIG mood

PLEASE SHUSH ME THE WAY YOU JUST SHUSHED PENNY IM???

but also dont lmao bc i’ll think you’re mad at me and i’ll hide in the bedroom for the rest of the day lmao i’m sensitive✨✨✨

i wanna sit on his lap and still his bouncing knees

“thats not funny”

fuck off penny yes it is

I JUST CHOKED ON MY COFFEE IM???

“but i do” god the  P O W E R

ugh that fucking sexist piece of shit comedian can choke “women look at sex like buying a car” 🤢🤮🤢🤢🤮

chauvinistic pigs can die thanks

his lil trip upstage im cry🥺🥺🥺

ohhh baby. just breathe, darling. it’s okay to be scared. dont fight it. just breathe. 

he and i both cover our mouths when we laugh/smile in the exact same way and it makes me feel closer to him

how can they think hes laughing at himself when hes literally gagging????

people only see what they wanna

the Penny imitation is👌👌👌

s m i l e

i remember when i came home from seeing this for the first time, i got home and dropped to my knees to cry in the bathroom. it was such an emotional release and so much love and i played smile to try to make myself smile but i only made myself cry harder lmaooooo ~ 

smile and thats life are my go-to songs if i gotta cheer tf up

danger sign = neither works

he looks so soft after his “date”🥺🥺🥺

“thats life” yeah but murray you dont even leave the studio so how do you know????

ngl arthur’s anger scares me.

anyone so much as raise their voice at me and i’ll cry really bad and i will shut myself away for the rest of the day and quiet anger terrifies me so his banging abt in the kitchen would freak me tf out😲

angry bb😭

he controls his anger so fast though omgggg ~ 

that soft please sends me

idk where it sends me lmao

down below probably

BARE FACED CARNIVAL OMG THIS SCENE IS SO CUTE

I LOVE THE MATCHING COLOURS ON ARTHUR AND BRUCE TOO ???

okay but the implication that arthur always carries a clown nose on him is🥺🥺🥺

hes such a good clown im?????

lmao im enjoying the show more than bruce is skskskk

arthur’s lil chuckle makes me🥺

his HUMMING im??? soft?????

his brows are so strong and dark omggg ~ he’s so beautiful

OKAY i’ll be honest i’ve seen this alfred/bruce scene and the thomas bathroom scene later on and the penny flashback scene a 100 times and i still dont fucking understand what did or didnt happen regarding arthur’s parentage im????

 ive seen interpretations to say he is thomas’ son and some to say he isnt and i still cant decide so? im stupid i guess 🙃

“a clown thing?” the  s a s s

“it’s exit only” yeah so’s my ass🙃

if i was there in the hospital room i woulda turned that tv off as soon as i realised what clip was gonna play

murray’s cruelty is d i s g u s t i n g

lmao hes an asshole

arthurs lil clap from joyyyyy ~ 🥺🥺🥺

did i say murray???

i meant  m u r r a t

🙃🙃🙃

sneaky baby

wayne hall either has super bad security or arthurs v quick on his feet

🤔🤔🤔🤔

he looks so good in red omggg ~ 

f o r e s h a d o w i n g

arthurs smile when hes watching chaplin is how he smiles when we all gush to each other abt him and ourselves!!!

hes so cuuuuuute🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰

“told me what” 

ohhhh honey🥺🥺 im so sorry. “crazy” is a trigger word for arthur; it made him start laughing in the bathroom with thomas

“touch my son again ill fucking kill you” yeah?? touch my arthur again and i’ll fucking kill you🙃🙃🙃🙃

^^^ that ones a joke do not come at me

the clerk in arkham was nice to arthur - he, gary and sophie are the good gothamites.

none of it was enough to stop his descent into joker, though, and i’d even say it was too late right at the beginning of the film, too... 

his sock puppet thingy “they cut all those” is such a Joker thing to doooo ~ 

the way arthur’s laughing in the hall at arkham turns into sobbing is gut-wrenching omg the poor thing😭

i wanna hug him and protect him and help him to process this in a healthy way

sweetheart, if i could take all of your pain and put it onto me... i so would. i’d do it in a heartbeat.

i wanna get you into a hot shower, make you some food and sit and listen to you. we can either sit in silence or you can talk to me, my love, and you will be heard and understood and loved.

“i had a bad day”

IT’S OKAY I DIDNT NEED MY HEART ANYWAY OMG YOU POOR SWEET INNOCENT THING IM LOVE YOU🥺💔

THAT ENTIRE LATE NIGHT SCENE LAUGH/SOBBING GOT ME -

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

i just wanna hold you and protect you and help you and love you

I’m so fucking sorry, darling. i wish i could take it all away from you

“i havent been happy one minute of my entire fucking life”

NO ONE SHOULD LOOK THAT ANGELIC AFTER COMMITING MATRICIDE IM????

get

that

fucking

gun

away

from

your

face

boi dont test me ill fucking go feral or - no, tell you what, i’ll point the gun at me and see how you like it

im looking respectfully at the green speckled undies scene....👀👀👀

“coming” 😏😏😏

“my mum died im celebrating” and “i stopped taking my medication” and you STILL stayed in the apartment with Arthur????? dudes those are 🚨🚨🚨 signs

woe betide anyone who underestimates arthur fleck lmaoooo

randalls death scene makes me laugh every time omg i feel so vindictive

get WRECKED

i wanna lick the blood off his face. i really want to

ngl i think i have a blood kink... 

“dont look just go” ME WITH MY ACNE WHEN I SEE IT IN THE MIRROR 😂😂😂😂

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKER 

ASDFGHJKL

J

O

K

E

R

ERIKA.EXE HAS STOPPED WORKING

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERRRRRR

😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 MY BABY MY MAN OMG THERE HE IS IM CRY???????😭🥺😭🥺😭🥺

my mind is literally blank rn im just staring and crying and smiling so hard my face hurts????? im love him so so so so much

sweet thing’s so used to pain he gets HIT BY A CAR AND KEEPS GOING????

I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU

hghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

euirrrrrrgkjbgkfbirsghigrbugr

*incoherent keyboardsmash to portray utter love*

ohhh baby no dont cry. oh honey😭 i wanna sit on your lap and kiss your tears away

“i love dr sally”

you have a WIFE at home

“DO YOU REMEMBER?” THAT WAS YOUR CUE TO APOLOGISE LMAO GET FUCKED MURRAT

he’s so CUTE

omgggg ~ 

my hearts gonna give out its SQUEEZING SO HARD IT HURTS

YOU MOCK THEM, BABY!!! THEY GOT IT COMING

“i wanna get it right” hes so passionate

my comments have deceased in number bc im just too starstruck and in love to even think clearly lmao

jokers all i know rn and this is the most peaceful ive felt in WEEKS

im sobbing

ugh fuck this hurts so BAD

youre speaking the truth, darling. im so so proud of you and i love you so much

“THEY COULDNT CARRY A TUNE TO SAVE THEIR LIVES” LMAO INSIDE JOKESSS

literally sobbing right now ugh what the fuck youre in so much pain and in the middle of a breakdown and no one saw you

ugh baby im so sorry, you deserve so much better

you tried so hard and you were gonna fall no matter what

IN THE WHITE ROOM

“hi” baby they cant hear you but im COOING 🥺🥺🥺🥺

you’re so fucking cute

say the word and ill burn gotham to the fucking ground for you

i wanna sit atop that car and cradle your head in my lap and wipe the blood off your face and help you stand up and be there for you and and and😭😭😭😭😭😭 i love you so so so much. 

i’d be so much worse off without you in my life. you brought a splash of colour which has never dimmed or faded. it never will. 

b l o o d    s m i l e

=

im wearing my inside on the outside now and it still hurts

angel💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

i see you and your pain. i love you.

i see you, angel. 

his genuine laughter is🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

that cute lil “ksksks” he does im🥺🥺🥺

i always laugh with him omg the two of us are laughing together ugh its the closest i will ever get to sharing in his joy

 t h a t ‘s    l i f e

i love the hallway daaaaaaaaaaaaaance ~ 

them hips dont lie😉😉😉

i love you i love you i love you i love you omg the sun’s like a halo ugh i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you im singing along to thats life while i type out how much i love you at 220am lmaooooo ~ 

i   l o v e    y o u

[zepdeans]

there’s not a lot I can say about s3 that hasn’t already been said (and articulated 200x better) but! here are some of my (albeit dumb) thoughts :~)

ep1 -isak leaning against the bathroom wall gets me EVERY time its such a powerful scene esp introducing you to s3 and tarjei..... spare some talent for the rest of us please -LiTeN gUtTeN fRa StRaNgEr tHiNgS -isak rly ties his pants w a shoelace...... -isak noticing even for the first time bc of his laugh.. whew.... also. i love this intro SOOO much bc its so non-monumental? theres no dramatic music or whatever but its not subtle.... like you know right away o shit love interest!! hello sir!! bc isak’s expression watching him :’) i could go on -isak is a bad liar HOWEVER this only applies to stupid nontrivial things e.g. the black sweatshirt. but when you look at him lying about like, his sexuality, he hides that shit well -”c00l” isak. i hate u so much -honestly all u have to do is look at even for .2 seconds and u can tell this boy has had a crush for a solid month bc he just looks awestruck (HOWEVER henrik’s acting is *chef’s kiss* bc its subtle enough to go undetected b4 you actually know eVEN SAW HIM ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL) -even isak and emma all sitting on the bench together is funny enough on its on but then a song called threeway comes on and like. julie sdshjsfdjfkjskd ep2 -there’s something so endearing about even’s handwriting idek what -i LOVE even’s video w mikael it reveals so much about him to us- how weird (ok we saw how weird he was w the paper towel thing but) and dorky he is? and his love of film! his view on love stories and how he sees the world :( but it also shows a lot abt isak because he saw even making stupid jokes about vladimir putin and was like yeah we about to fall in LOVE love -isak not using headphones to watch even’s video or r+j?? bde or general incompetence what’s the verdict guys -the isak watching r+j scene hits so hard like yall ever think about isak lying in bed at 3am staring at the ceiling probably thinking about how he’s never gonna get a beautiful world-shattering romance like that like ..... also him changing positions skam get out of my life go away ur too realistic -not to make this even more self-projection-y but isak simultaneously being the least emotionally vulnerable person ever but crying during r+j > -i made a post abt this already but even’s INTENSE staring vs isak’s “i have never looked anyone in the eye in my life” gets me it says so much about their characters -even said i see your bde move (asking me to buy you beer) and i raise u with my own (inviting you to my house after faking not having my id) -”if you listen to music” even is such a dick fsdjhsdff -when the message comes on...... i rlly do owe julie my life huh -”have you heard about my rapping?” “I have actually” have we talked about this enough????? 1. isak finally feels comfortable enough w even to flirt and his first move is to RAP for him jesus christ. keep in mind this is the same man who pulled that smooth af ibuprofen line w emma like...... 2. even has heard about isak’s rapping. either this means im-not-on-social-media even went out of his way to go thru homeboy’s instagram OR isak’s rapping is actually talked about. i- -the group chat messages. cant believe i forgot about the 2016 clown epidemic

ep3  -mahdi is a good friend and i love him. thank u -even wearing isak’s cap until he chucks it at him sjksfjsdjsd -how much yall wanna bet isak’s been listening to illmatic on repeat since last friday thinking abt even (even tho meeting sonja shattered his heart a lil) [also kinda an aside but i think a lot about how isak n even bonded over rap and how some homophobic lyrics in 90s etc rap might have impacted them? or how that little detail ties into julie’s story? e.g. halftime by nas, which is on illmatic] -whats worse. even staring into isaks soul wearing a size xs see-through white t shirt or isak staring at even for five (5) seconds before chugging his beer and immediately making out w emma. OR even crashing that party before it can start “i think you guys are bonding too much” cheesy ass shjhfsdhskdf -yall act like evak didnt invent hands. did even shaking isak’s shoulder telling him his apartment is nice mean nothing to u -im convinced robyn wrote call your girlfriend for this scene specifically bc how could anything fit so perfectly by coincidence -is anything better than egging isak on- even bech naesheim (2016) -idk if yall have read the scripts but i love the sock thing so much bc its soo true to how isak thinks and it makes everything so much more interesting and !!!

ep4  -i will never get over even sending isak bad seinfeld memes -even smacking open isak’s locker. first of all whew second of all u think as soon as he got into the stairwell he lowkey cried bc ow -parallel of isak saying “it’s 2016, why are you religious?” to sana vs. emma’s “it’s 2016, get out of the closet” to isak anyone :( -”takk sanasol!!!!” thank u isak for my life -I wanted to be with you aloneeeee -even’s face when he sees the pool like we get it youre a director -how many times do i need to say even is such a dick sjkfsd “does it look like i care about my hair?” “usually but not right now” like this would only work on isak i love soulmates!! -even just.. fully choking isak out ssdhgfd got em -when the first notes of im kissing you start ooh boy -even going in for the kill kiss and isak going from huh to oooo shit and pushing his lips out at the last minute. phenomenal 

ep5 -ngl as soon as im not in love comes on my heart goes uwu bc like!!!! that song the meaNING.... them......... i jus love this scene sm like theyre in their own little bubble and they both feel so comfortable and at peace :((  -even leaving isak comics about an inside joke of theirs like yall mind if i scream -isak feeling left out from the conversation and his friends whew i felt that... and having them talk about how gross it is to makeout with a girl w facial hair?? blease :( -taking stock of isak’s nicknames: issy k, isabell, izzy, baby jesus, -im not even gonna bother trying to articulate thoughts on Pause bc it’s a literal masterpiece. thank u tarjei henrik and julie for inventing television with this one  -MAGNUS SDFKJSDFJKDSHK "oooh my name is Jonas and I love idealism and reading klassekampen and I don’t like plastic and I skate on a skateboard made of sustainable wood and wear old clothes because new clothes are bad for the environment and I only drink recycled water” screAMMM -what i said abt pause also applies to pride ugh its such a powerful scene and!! the beginning of kicks to isaks stomach. honestly what i fucking love about this episode is how it goes from hell yea best day w even ever to crying in the street within one week (s3 had the best balance of angst and payoff thanks) -even’s Soft Party Flannel... forever tainted by this scene rip -not knowing why even kissed sonja keeps me up at night -speaking of. how used and stupid isak must’ve felt when he saw even completely unbothered, hooking up w his ex at this party?? whew :( -bros is one of my all time favourite clips solely bc of the music?? lift me up gives me chills and when hold my liquor starts i LOSE it -ep5 and 6 remind me of that quote “to see what your characters are really made of you have to break them” because julie rlly goes all in and god it hurts so good

ep6 -never have i ever seen insomnia portrayed as accurately as tarjei did here and i remember when i first watched the cantina scene i was like. winded bc its SO true to sleep deprivation whew -i really like that isak wasnt together with even when he reached out for help and came out to jonas. bc it was him, on his own, being strong enough to talk to his friends and then eventually he was confident and secure enough in himself to be in a good place when even started reaching back out!! -i have no idea what its like to come out to someone, to be afraid of your friends rejecting you, everything isak went through. but tarjei’s acting of when, like, you have something you KNOW you have to tell someone, and youve put yourself in the position where youre going to have to tell them, but youre terrified and eventually just force yourself SAY the words??  -and isak’s smile when he realizes jonas is gonna be his bro no matter what :’)))

ep7 -weirdly one of my favourite isak looks (black t-shirt grey snapback c-c-c-combo) -”what’s your name again?” have i mentioned i love sana and isak bc i love sana and isak -jonas truly is the best friend oh man. perceptive, thoughtful, loving, laidback, a friggen BRO. tbh i was wary of him in s1 and thought he didn’t treat eva well (tho I recognized he loved her a lot, he was just bad at being a boyfriend) but jonas in s3?? just goes to show how powerful your perspective of someone can change viewing them in a different role!! because while jonas was a crappy bf, he literally is SUCH an incredible friend and his actions and words and just! him! in s3 completely redeemed any illwill I had towards him :’) -maybe im a little gay (up there with other s3 comedy classics such as “thats a boys name”) -mahdi season WHEN ugh a legend -’when someone asks isak if hes going to a family party’ literally what other reason for living do i have if not to read the boy squad text convos -isaks locker finally opening and his smile at evens drawing whewwwwwww!! also even rlly is that guy who wont text you back but will leave hand written love letters in ur locker -also. another stellar look from valtersen -slutt a meld meg is a whole masterpiece like what other piece of media has the RANGE -eskild: play hard to get. jonas: no smiley!!! isak: nah fam im good B)

ep8 -this episode is BEAUTIFUL bc you feel practically euphoric?? like hell yeah theyre finally together!! isak is out and accepted and even is done with sonja! but theres also this unsettling undercurrent of worry bc you know deep down something isnt right? why is sonja calling isak? why is even acting kinda strange? whats going on? yknow?? -literally never going to get over 5 fine frokner :~) even is such a goddamn nerd and he’s the man of isak’s dreams can u believe!!  -sana’s little speech is SO important in so many ways ooo i love her so much -also have we discussed eskild making evak do a photoshoot for him. highkey those are my favourite pictures of ALL time u can tell even was like hm strange but im down while isak was more omg guys stop🙄 omg haha eskild i cant believe youre making me cuddle with even for a photo🙄 i cant believe ur making me snuggle this dude for a pic!!!! definitely would not have done this otherwise!!! -magnus only realizing it’s THAT even after seeing how isak looks at him. whew -isak is so brave i rlly love that kid! his text to his mamma <3 -no r*make will EVER nail text conversations like mari/julie did w evak’s this week thanks for coming to my ted talk. i'd quote the best ones but it would literally double the length of this post (ok ill cave. “hahaha shut up❤️” GETS me) -you dont know whats in store but you know what youre here for. hallo -isak running around oslo with even’s clothes looking for him :( his heart is so big he cares about even so so much -when Part II (on the run) comes on in the credits its like a kick in the teeth honestly

ep9 -ive already screamed enough about cherry wine but god it fucks me up -cannot put into words how much I love eskild and how good of a person he is, he just has so much love in his heart  -”wait they have waffles here? see ya” -this convo is why i love skam so much!!!! magnus giving insight and good thoughtful advice to isak was such a brilliant move by julie (also truLy heartwarming) bc like. magnus is a flawed layered character! he’s dumb and ignorant and not very careful with his words BUT hes also such a sweet guy. i genuinely dont think he would hurt a fly and him talking about vilde (in ep10) is ;-; bc he really likes her and respects her and wants to be a gentleman! hes so loving and just. yeah. also i wonder if isak and magnus (and vilde) ever talked about having mentally ill parents and lent on each other for support bc like....<3 [sidenote- this is why i HATE b***** like they absolutely massacred magnus’s character and magnus did not deserve that!] -det er bare slutt........ very cool of tarjei to invent acting here. also the character development makes me WEEP like at first isak lied and told his pappa it was over bc its easier to brush stuff off and say you were joking than be vulnerable especially about 1. having a boyfriend and 2. saying youve already broken up?? but then isak was like hey im done with lying about who i am bc i want my life to be REAL and he told his dad the truth even if it was hard and even if he was trying rlly hard not to cry  -isak reaching out to even<3 standing up for even<3 -o helga natt. another scene i genuinely cannot comment on bc u cant really put into any written language how magical and breathtaking and heartbreaking and powerful and brilliant this scene is. so. -jk. obvs i cant say anything intelligent enough to give this scene justice but probably the most stunning piece of television i have ever had the privilege of watching. even’s text breaks my heart every gd time (esp since we never really see this side of him before finding out he’s bipolar? his guilt, insecurity, feeling like a burden, being scared of losing everyone in his life because he thinks he’ll hurt them). the music is SO beautiful i cry real tears as soon as the strings start. also the brilliance of JUST o helga natt playing and no dialogue except for isaks one line? isak’s realization when he sees the cross. him RUNNING across oslo to go to even. the FLASHBACKS all going backwards in chronological order until them smoking on the bench. isak looking at the bench and not seeing even and u can feel his heart breaking and urs breaks too! but then he remembers the bathroom and he turns and theres even and whewwww. du er ikke alene<3

ep10 -minutt for minutt is THE most healing clip im telling u. and like.. seeing even depressed really is hard and as someone who was very very depressed for 4-ish yrs of their life it rlly hits me? like when youre in an especially bad funk and you cant get out of bed and youre just numb and exhausted and feel so shitty and u want to be alone but you really dont???? could go on but literally i owe henrik holm my life for his portrayal of even  -not to be a soft bitch on main but when isak tucks the blanket over even and it keeps getting pulled off his back so isak just. covers that spot with himself? -i do love that call between sonja and isak bc once again! a flawed (realistic) human being -and isak thinking its his fault even is depressed? it means a lot that sonja told him its no ones fault, even is just bipolar. and i wonder if isak felt that way about his mamma as well, guilty for her being ill, and if what sonja said made him feel better about that situation too :( -lowkey random but when isak is rambling really fast and he goes “maybe we’ll get bombed tomorrow and talking about all this is a waste of time” it continually punches me in the throat bc that is /exactly/ how i ramble and think like tarjei........ pls -like eskild said. there really is so much love in isak’s little grumpy teenage body<3 -isak no longer just passively accepting life as its given to him, now he fights for him and even!!!!!  -isak is such a forgiving person and seeing him able to just accept things and move on? incredible -i remember when i first watched ep1 i was like oooo even and isak are gonna be kosegruppa partners and thats when theyll first get together, cooking food or smth!! but lmfao after episode 3? kosegruppa whomst???? also hilarious vilde thought isak of all people would willingly sign up for kosegruppa just to go to revue parties -even and linn friendship!!!! -cannot articulate how mf heartwarming it is to see even smiling and being more himself after being depressed (also thank u julie for having ups and downs coming out of his depression- its so true to life having one day when youre feeling awesome and then the next you feel awful again for no reason and its SO frustrating) -I had to stop watching passe pa meg cause it made me toooooo crazy! it would just be like: “I like seeing you laugh” and I was like: *SCREAMS* -im the fucking master of lying 😤 -literally don’t know why isak and even ragging on kosegruppa is so funny but “did you think I joined to have fun” gets me every time -I SAW YOU THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL -also even literally radiating love @ isak watching get snarky w vilde on the phone bc it reminded him of the first time he saw him! even rly is that boyfriend who thinks isak being pissy is the Best Thing he has Ever seen -halla boiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiz -literally the glo up of isak telling his friends the order in which he’d bang them -No filter! wow I love symbolism -so nice to see the girls together for a lil bit :) -the boys hyping up mags while also telling him to be respectful awwwwww -take desperate to a whole new level- Confucius  -who’s going to show isak how to properly hold a beer can -literally evak banter gets me thru the day. thank u tarjei and henrik for having phenomenal chemistry + improvisation skills + making isak and even the dumbest nerdiest boys i have ever seen -biology partner. and friend. ;-; -even literally is the biggest stoner blease -isak’s talk with eva is just sooooo<3 and not to be emo on main but every single word of the last few sentences he says hit me so gd hard because i feel the exact same way in my BONES -livet er nå 💛

final thoughts :( <3 -this season is so special. it feels like one really long oscar-worthy movie or smth?? i cant even exblain, its just magical. ALSO very dear to my heart. -julie really said you guys have seen isak sad and alone and repressed for the past two seasons so heres him falling in love with the best person in the world and coming to terms with who he is and being brave and opening up and finally being happy and living a real life -this season definitely feels different from s1/2/4 to me editing or production or music smth wise? as in, its got a lot fewer aesthetic shots and the cinematography seems a bit different if that makes any sense???? I also think this is the season most focused just on the main (i.e. not many- if any? sideplots going on) -literally will never get over the thought, love, and detail put into this season. when i say there is literally nothing i would change about it, i mean it and coming from my nitpicky ass??? means a lot lmfao. the acting, directing, music choices, symbolism...... sublime -s3′s cold rainy autumn aesthetic makes me ACHE for fall and also nostalgic for a highschool experience I never had lmao?? also. all the nighttime clips >>> -don’t know what else to say except thank u skam for my life

[tumblunni]

Me in the hospital: i cannot sleep for 24 hours, the slightest noise is blaring, i am perpetually anxiety adrenaline

As soon as i get home: has the best sleep of my life

I usually take an hour to get to sleep each night but i totally just curled up like a snail and dropped into dreamland instantly. And i woke up to a nice warm house cos the heating turned on while i was asleep, and now all the anesthetic is completely worn off so i feel energized and great! And my throat pain has eased up so thankfully i wont have to be liquids only for as long as i thought. I was all hyperactive and cooked a great fancy omelette and it tastes like heaven itself! Its so weird how stuff tastes slightly diffetent when its the first time youve been able to chew with the right side of your mouth in five years. I guess the tastebuds on the sides of your tongue are slightly different? When i eat everything now im gonna be rolling it all over my mouth like WOW ITS ALL SO NEW AGAIN! Will probably look nuts in the middle of mcdonalds with my cheeks puffed like a squirrel XD

Oh and this is also a great excuse to drink loads of chocolate milkshakes from my milkshake viking mug! I feel so energized with calcium and yums!! EVERYTHING TASTES SO NEWWWWWWW

Oh man i do feel a bit sleepy again now after just being up for a few hours tho. I have these good jaw pain specific medicines i have to take for the next two weeks til my followup appointment to check if theres any infection left. But man i feel SO ALIVE AGAIN im pretty sure all the rot is gone! It feels so wild having space in my mouth and not constant clenchy tightness. It actually hurts less recovering from the surgery than it did before, lol! I can feel all my teeth moving apart again and loosening up into normality and the gums healing up all their injuries and oh god i just love how they cleaned out all the broken parts of my teeth and capped them with these great replacements that look so real you'd never be able to tell! My smile looks not ugly!! My smile looks not ugly!! Aaaaa! I just expected regaining the right side of my mouth, i didbt expect to e like "holy shit it must have hurt even more than i realized cos this feels so amazing now". Like i guess i got used to putting up with it and forgot how it felt to not have painmouth? Underestimated how good a teeth can be! And man i never asked for reconstructive cosmetic stuff too but they did these caps and aaa my teeth never looked his good even when they were new!! My front teeth were always crooked even before they did the weird balogna slam together and shattered into a pile of crap. And now they look like perfect supermodel teeth!! The only side effect is that its a lil hard to get used to the lack of gaps between them now after so long dealing with the shattered mess. My tongue keeps being like "oh no did something get stuck in the gaps again oh wait there arent any" and then i subconsciously try to clean them after taking every bite and just bite my tongue instead. Man i never noticed i picked up a bunch of weird mannerismd cos of tje bad teeth! I was constantly paranoidly checking my mouth 24/7 in case the slightest thing made it even worse, and eating super gently so that nothing accidentally touched the Wrong Tooth and set off a jolt of pain. And i actually needed to get a filling put in on the leftmost back tooth that was the ONLY TOOTH I COULD USE TO EAT WITHOUT PAIN for all this time! Overuse of it meant that it got ground down a little and probably would have become painful too if i'd left it any longer. Then i really would have been all soups all the time and that sucks!! Soups are good but nothing but then gives u stomach issues. The bad poops!!

Man sorry im rambling so much im just so hyper and happy and also still kinda dopily sleepy! Im not still delirious or anything i just feel the happy kind of sleepy where the anesthetic is all gone and its not "oh god i cant stay awake" and more natural sleepyness of a long day being over and everything being okay. I had such a good long nap and i feel well rested after getting so little sleep beforehand due to all the dumb anxiety. And i still feel dozey but happy doze~

Anyway its awesometo be able to really chug and crunch a foods! With the other side of my mouth i forgot about! And taste milkshake to its fullest extent!! Oh and whats weird is that the reconstructive surgery capping on my front teeth means that theyre kinda one tooth now? The caps are all linked in a single piece to fill the gaps fully without even the natural ones you'd have on healthy teeth. So its like a solid tooth guard just sculpted to look like three teeth. Itll be tricky to train myself out of thts subconcious rubbing the gaps with my tongue when theyre not even there. But i expect once i get over the unfamiliarity this triple cap will be really useful! Theyre totes reinforced so that even if i do get tight mouth problems again and the front teeth take the brunt of the pressure, now theres no gaps to smash into each other and become a painful mess. Its like scaffolding reinforcing my whole mouth by fixing the loadbearing beam, or something.

Oh also these pain meds make u a little bit more sleepy than normal paracetamol so i'll probably doze off again soon. But hopefully i will have slept off most of the "healing debt exhaustion" tomorrow and will be able to go walk down the shops and buy some icecream and other soft food. I mostly stocked up on purely liquid food cos i tjought my mouth function would be more limited. But honestly the teeth are working so much better than before, they were already so swollen and painful that i couldnt crunch stuff! Now the mild discomfort of mid-healing from surgery feels like barely anything and i bet i could bite thru a goddamn rock right now! I just cant really swallow crunchy stuff or stuff thats too salty or citrusy. I didnt even know about the stabbity throat pipe so i didnt expect it to be the most painful part that takes the longest to heal. It feels so weird cos i keep coughing like my brain thinks theres phelgm stuck in my throat when its actually a skin flap/blister from the insertion. So obviously that aint going anywhere and i have to try and force myself not to cough or swallow or else i set off this cjain of "must get thing out of throat must puke" reflex. And the pain feels like a sore throat but it isnt?? Its not really inflamed ot anything its just an actual friction burn on the opening of my airway. Which is not a common occurance so the brain is justvlike "what the fuck is happening, must send all contradicting signals at once!" So sore throat medicine wont work cos that goes down your throat passage to your stomach when really this lil skin tag blister thing is in the lung throat opening thing. And sucking on throat sweets made it worse cos all the muscles were really tense around the area where the tube was inserted, hence why it was hard to swallow food even tho it was my windpipe that hurt. And sucking on something is kinda like perpetually swallowing nothing, when you think about it? Im glad that the muscle tenseness is mostly gone now and the painkillers are helping with the ouch, and my brainis getting usedto not coughing and making it worse. But still should eat soft easily swallowable stuff for a lil while and it'll be fun to go aroundthe shops with my last pocketful of change and find neat ingredients to stick in omelettes. Im so excited to taste all my favourite things in new HD functional mouth power!!! And i can smile at the shopkeeper!!!

And oh man i really do think that my sleeping problems with stiff neck and that kind of 'bloodrush to the head' migraine were indeed part of the bad wisdom teeth bleeding internally under the gum. I thought it had to be that cos nothing else in my life changed around that time aside from getting a better and healthier bed which should have been beneficial to my neck. And even going back to sleepong on the floor like before didnt make a difference so it definately wasnt the bed! And it kept getting worse while nothing was changing, and i kept trying different things like changing my pillows and headphones and cutting caffeine out of my diet and eating more salt and eating less salt and fuckin ANYTHING ELSE cos i knew if it really was the dumb tooth being infected then there was nothong i could do about it til my surgery day arrived. Itd be such a relief to know for sure that it was indeed the tooth and now that nonsense is gonna be gone forever! But also thats really worrying to know that it was getting so bad it could have spread an infection to my jawbone and the top of my spine if itd been left much longer. I kept sneezing up blood lumps like the size of a fifty pence piece! Had never had nosebleeds for a decade and now suddenly all the time! God it feels so good to be able to lay my head down and not feel all woozy and tense im the forehead or neck. I really hope this good neck untenseness continues and the awful aches really were just the tooth. But everyone in the hospital was so nice that i think even if i do need a second surgery to check for jaw infection then id be able to be less nervoud than i was this time

Man do u ever get that thing where youre so peaceful and contented that like you can breathe easier? Like subconciously taking bigger breaths and the middle of your chest feels slightly puffed out and warm. I guess thats what the "heart leaping in yout chest" idiom is meant to refer to, lol! Or maybe i can just literally breathe easier cos the tooth pain might have been passing into my nasal cavity too, lol. My entire head feels so less tense!! Its like all my bones were rebelling against me and now they're at peace again!! Man i feel so giddy happy like i chugged a giant energy drink or something but its the opposite its a good sleeps drink XD

So im gonna go lie down again and have a relax and watch a movie or something and see if i pass out when the medicine kicks in, or if its not too bad and i can still continue my hyper mood. But my nap was so long that its too late to go to the shops now anyway so i'll just make more plain omelette and milkshake if i get hungry. I mean it doesnt taste plain when all my sense of taste is so amplified likethis! I dont mind if its all i can eat all week. PURE MILKSHAKEY DECADENCE

Aaaaa im just so happy!! I missed my chance to get the new. Kingdlm hearts but ive beenwaiting fkr this surgery for ages too and it feels like just as much of an exciting relief!

[something--wicked]

vent

so todays my first day on wellbutrin

i was on prozac for 5 years and now weening off and starting wellbutrin bc i was having constant panic attacks related to my hypochondriasis. and i keep seeing a lot of ppl saying that wellbutrin side effects are nausea, dizziness and a lot of worse stuff thats making me more anxious

but i want this medication to work so bad because i just wanna go one night without getting nauseous and dizzy for no reason, which inevitably turns into a panic attack bc im convinced that im dying

vaping cbd oil helps out with the anxiety but im just so tired of feeling like shit and feeling like my eyes cant focus and feeling disoriented im just tired of it

i cant even eat my safe foods anymore cuz they have been making me nauseous and im too scared of throwing up or inducing a panic attack to try to eat and i just dont know whats wrong and it just sucks right now

on top of that im starting college in a month and i still dont have any idea how im gonna pay for it, i have my driver license test next week and if i pass i have no idea how im gonna pay for the insurance, i still need to get a job but with how much anxiety and general shitty feelings im having now i cant imagine trying to go into work every day and functioning all day

and if i let my mind wander for even a second my brain convinces me that whatever normal body function im feeling is a symptom of a deadly disease that will kill me within minutes. like ive never really burped my whole life i just couldnt do it, and like 2 months ago i suddenly gained the ability to burp and lately my brain has been trying to convince me i have stomach cancer. being on wellbutrin now i live in a constant state of fear that im about to have a seizure. if i go too long without eating and start feeling faint then im scared that im about to fall into a coma from low blood sugar even tho im not diabetic?? if i feel slightly hot which is always cuz i live in texas in a house without central air conditioning, i get convinced that i have an extremely high fever and im gonna drop dead from an infection. ive gotten headaches constantly my whole life and now that ive had one bc of switching meds im convinced im gonna have an aneurysm and die. if my arm hurts for just a second too long im convinced im having a heart attack. if i can hear my heart beating then im just sitting there waiting for it to explode or something cuz it has to be going too fast. i just cant function like this when im in a constant state of panic over every single thing and i dont even know why im feeling like this in the first place!! why am i dizzy and nauseous and spacey ?? i take my vitamins and i stay hydrated but i still feel like shit constantly and theres nothing i can do about it cuz nobody knows whats wrong!!

right now i feel hungry and my stomach is growling, and i saw a warning for a rare side effect of wellbutrin that manifests by spaceyness, and extreme hunger. guess what im scared of now. yep. thats my life.

i just wanna go to a doctors office and have them perform every single possible test on me. put me thru an mri, do every blood test imaginable, give me every kind of scan or exam there is, just do everything so i can know whats going on in there and tell me that im fine and there is nothing physically wrong with me and that im not suffering from stomach cancer, diabetes, heart failure, epilepsy, brain cancer, and lung cancer all at once . because my brain legit convinces me that i am and its so exhausting. im tired of it

I just wanna feel normal and not live like this anymore

[comicteaparty]

May 16th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on May 16th, 2019, from 5PM - 7PM PDT.  The chat focused on Champs by Mharz.

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RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing Champs by Mharz~! (http://champs.mharz.com/)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

Mharz

halllo! (edited)

rikirinka

HIHII

Kabocha

Favorite scene? Prooooobably this one -- Jane is powered by LOOOOOVE and a desire to impress Tala :'D Also determination and a huge amount of skill. http://champs.mharz.com/comic/39

rikirinka

I haven’t gotten to read champs in a long time but the part that stuck out to me the most was when Jane first saw tala!! And she was like “she’s....beautiful”

That’s a big gay mood

Mharz

“What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?” Sooo my favorite scene so far was in Round 3 when Tala manages to catch Jane off-guard and landed a punch. That was veeeeeeeerrrry satisfying to draw. http://champs.mharz.com/comic/86

rikirinka

YESS

Kabocha

Tala was like, "HA YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME"

RebelVampire

i really love how tala is not pictured as anything special in that scene. like just average and regular person here. i think it humanizes the love to a large degree since like...theres no shoujo sparkles or anything. just one woman seeing another in a special way that is based purely on emotions.

Mharz

Also when Jane realized that they made contact and they she was FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF we touched!!!! fangirls http://champs.mharz.com/comic/90

rikirinka

Blessed

Kabocha

...See, I had to laugh at that page because she's like "HOLY CRAP WE TOUCHED I gotta go to the bathroom!" ... the timing was uh... hilarious. XD Jane's probably just going because that sort of anxiety can wreck your stomach, but...

timing....

Mharz

Surprisingly that did not happen within the match

Professionalism I suppose

RebelVampire

my favorite scene is actually probably the sparring scene where jane just like...easily takes tala down after a few seconds. for the entire comic i had been wondering how their skill levels would match up, and this was a visual demonstration of the difference between them. so i finally got to feel assured that jane deserves her championship belt.

Mharz

that is actually a challenge for me because I have to like hnggghn show that Jane isn't just trash talk... She got her belt based on her skills and smarts.

Kabocha

It would be interesting to see Tala face off against some of Jane's opponents... I can't imagine that would go well

Mharz

Oh I have something in mind, alright

I'm gonna build it within the next few chapters so that it raises the stakes a bit

not just prize money but a bit more personal

Kabocha

Oh nooo ahahaha

oooph.

Mharz

drama is fun OwO

Kabocha

Also, re-reading Round 3 -- I do kind of worry that Tala doesn't necessarily know how to restrain her strength effectively... DANG, that punch

RebelVampire

yeah i worried about that too

like light sparring tala

light

XD

Mharz

her coach got worried too

thank goodness she didn't get a concussion

RebelVampire

plus if tala is always punching at full strength shes gonna run out of energy. and a tired opponent is probably easy pickings

Kabocha

That's a good point

Mharz

I like to think she has a lot of gas in her tank

Kabocha

I can't imagine injuries like that would be good over time in MMA

...Given how much she eats, I would believe that!

Mharz

I mean IRL combat sports athletes do tend to retire early because of injuries

head injuries can cut someone's career drastically

RebelVampire

does it hurt tala to punch that hard? like more so than a punch would normally hurt your hand

Kabocha

Tala's made of rock-hard muscle

Mharz

those gloves can cushion it to an extent

in my personal experience tho my knuckles still gets red after training even if I was wearing boxing gloves.

wheeze

Kabocha

Ooph

mathtans

I made it to the internets. O.o

Mharz

also I do agree with Kabocha, Tala's bones and muscles are probably rock hard

yo maths!

mathtans

I liked Tala's reaction after the fight, the whole we touched thing. When she'd already been hugging and trying to choke her.

Yoyo! I was worried I wouldn't have internet tonight.

Mharz

if she's punching barehanded she would get injured for sure

math, I think that was Jane

RebelVampire

hey math~!

Kabocha

The Q&A... Jane... why do you look so terrifying...

also Hi Math! Got any bad dad jokes about fighting?

RebelVampire

another scene i like is when jane shows up to meet tala and tala doesn't even recognize jane at first. its just so doofy and cute. and kind of shows tala's....innocence in a way. since she clearly still has a lot to learn about the nature of her career.

mathtans

I'm apparently not completely mentally here yet. I meant Jane. (goes to edit to make entire conversation confusing...)

I really don't know much about the sport. I kinda like how the creator picked it as a counterpoint to the Yuri On Ice anime (from the Q&A).

Mharz

<.<

mathtans

Yeah, Tala just seems to roll with the punches, so to speak. Innocent about many things.

Kabocha

Pffffft

Mharz

I'm actually learning about the MMA stuffs as I go

Kabocha

But that's a good thing -- your observation shows, Mharz!

Mharz

I was thinking of wrestling since I'm more familiar with it first but I know how wrestling can be very scripted and I don't want that.(edited)

Also I wouldn't really know how I would lump in Tala if it's wrestling

Since she's more suitable to just punch

mathtans

Also the jello would be messier.

RebelVampire

the idea of tala wearing a wrestling mask though kind of makes me laugh

Mharz

pft

XD

RebelVampire

is this basically all tala's resume says. "I'm good at punching."

Mharz

yis

mathtans

Also good at eating things.

Mharz

and "I have strong arms"

wrestling isn't really that big here in PH so it wouldn't make sense to put her in wrestling

Kabocha

That makes sense though

Mharz

but we are very huge in boxing

Kabocha

Tala's backup plan is probably in a boxing ring eh?

Mharz

yis

she is adept in boxing(edited)

she will learn moves outside of boxing eventually

mathtans

Maybe Jane can teach her acting too. They can star in a romance movie.

Mharz

I did use Pacquiao as an inspiration for Tala

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. Besides fighting, a huge focus of the comic is on Jane and Tala’s growing relationship. Do you think Jane’s feelings towards Tala are genuine enough to stand the test of time, or is it temporary infatuation? Further, how do you think Tala thinks about Jane at current? Will these feelings change? If so, what would it take for them to change do you think? In other words, what can Jane do to win Tala’s heart? Ultimately, do you think the two will become romantic? If so, what obstacles might await them in the future given their careers? If not, what do you think will keep them apart? Lastly, how do you think others will react to their relationship?

Kabocha

I think right now, Jane's got a temporary infatuation, and it's gonna hurt her professionally if she's not careful... But then again, she seems the type to have loved before, sooooooooooooooo.... Hm.

I guess we'll see as things progress and where the drama leads. (We did have that uh... very menacing shot of that other fighter... the blonde one with freckles iirc)

mathtans

Oh, I think Tala just sees Jane as a competitor/trainer. I feel like she doesn't see people in a relationship way, maybe due to how she was raised or her not being aware of it.

Mharz

I feel like I should answer this but this is pretty much the premise of the stories. (edited)

Kabocha

I do wonder if CHAMPS refers to the status that Tala will attain one day with Jane... OR

mathtans

Though I was reminded of another scene I liked, the recent one where Jane just shows up, and her coach has to push her out of the building, like, move on, you have non-Tala things to attend to as well.

Kabocha

the world that Tala's now gotten herself mixed up into~?

Mharz

It can mean a lot of things(edited)

Hi blast!

mathtans

CHAMPS is possibly an acronym?

Mharz

It will be fascinating to find out how Tala ended up in MMA

I will explore both of their stories eventually

mathtans

"I thought I was signing up for an MMO. Once I was in I decided to give it a try any way, the head protectors are like VR headsets."

Kabocha

OH NO

RebelVampire

I agree that i dont think tala is able to see ppl in a romantic way right now. not cause she cant but just because i dont think its ever crossed her mind as a thing she could have while doing the ppl punches. i think to change tala's heart its gonna take a big romantic gesture. like jane hires a blimp that says i like tala or something. that or we could be in for the slow burn where respect grows and then respect turns into love

rikirinka

Omg

RebelVampire

but i kind of want the blimp

Kabocha

"Yeah, I heard there was this beat saber game, but it turns out the guy I fought was nicknamed Saber!"

Mharz

Jane can probably afford that blimp(edited)

mathtans

I feel like with the blimp Tala would end up looking the wrong way or something and miss it.

Mharz

LOL YES

like any attempt of Jane expression of love gets foiled

pft Kabocha!

rikirinka

LMAO

Mharz

Tala might wreck all the furniture playing beat saber

RebelVampire

Tala will have ordered a mountain of food so high that she cant see the blimp over it

tala strikes me as the type who accidentally threw the wii mote into the tv cause she didnt put the strap on

Mharz

wrecks the screen

rip

mathtans

I mean, Jane has already invited Tala to stay at her place. Wafted right over Tala's head. Related, one wonders if Tala might like guys too, since I don't think she's ever thought much either way.

Mharz

"Oh there's a strap?"

Kabocha

And Jane's just like... "Great, now I have to get a new tv... It's no problem! I saw this 72" the other day that I wanted anyway! And Tala and I can shop like a couple...!"

Mharz

pft

Tala never honestly thought of anything romantic

she's just mindblown at everything

rikirinka

She’s baby

How old are they actually? I don’t think I ever saw it specified anywhere

mathtans

I feel like when it hits, Tala's going to be all "wait, THAT'S why the guy asked me to prom, and THAT'S why that girl cooked me meals, and THAT'S why..."

Mharz

Jane is 26

Tala is 22

Latisha

Jane is older...wow...

Mharz

yasss

mathtans

That makes sense. Tala's new to everything. I wonder why I saw them as only a couple years apart.

rikirinka

Holy shit I’m the same age as tala

RebelVampire

omg tala just having to rethink her entire life after she suddenly grasps what flirting it XD

Kabocha

4 years isn't... that... much...

mathtans

Rebel: I know, right?

Mharz

Tala is more like "wow I can't believe I got here (in US)"

rikirinka

Bless her

Mharz

so she's just wow the culture is so different than what I'm used to

She's easy to please

RebelVampire

so basically jane just needs to take tala to mcdonalds

Mharz

She'd be like "wait, there's no rice?"

mathtans

The vegan mcdonalds.

Kabocha

wait

Rice? At McDonald's?

Mharz

YES

all the fastfoods here have rice meals on their menu(edited)

rikirinka

Omg in Sri Lanka they have McRice with cute

Curry

Kabocha

WHAT That sounds AMAZING

rikirinka

I thought that was hilarious

mathtans

Oh, that's neat. Had no idea. I like cultural things like that.

RebelVampire

do they also have the cup size difference issue? cause in japan their large is basically the american small.

Mharz

there's rice on the side

RebelVampire

i hope tala has a cool display shelf for all those toys

mathtans

Instead of fries, I guess.

Mharz

Nah Tala only has a box sadly

She can't afford a shelf

rikirinka

Awwww

mathtans

Also, no Kinder Surprise now.

Mharz

fast food toys are flimsy anyways

RebelVampire

i am concerned she cant afford a shelf. does she just get paid in potatoes? XD

Mharz

Also the rice servings are really teeny here. IMO.

It's more like she sends the prize money to her family

rikirinka

Really? My McDonald’s toys have lasted me a while

mathtans

"Are those potatoes in your pocket or are you happy you just got paid."

rikirinka

LMAO

Bless tala

Mharz

:'3

RebelVampire

i really hope jane gets to see tala's place and then get utterly horrified

Mharz

her family isn't that rich so tala knows to help them first(edited)

Tala's place is pretty naturey

very rural

(edited)

this is like from the print exclusive 4 panels. xD

rikirinka

Omg

mathtans

Ok, so next plot is Tala gets the wrong idea and thinks Hudson (the one she's training with today) is in love with Jane. Tries to set them up on dates. Jane gets very confused.

Mharz

Hudson knows better

She's totally scared at Jane

mathtans

But also possibly of Tala's back slaps.

RebelVampire

Hudson is very adorable I want Hudson to find happiness.

Mharz

at this point, I feel like everyone has picked up that Jane likes Tala except Tala

mathtans

The glasses make her expression a bit harder to read, I think. (Not a bad thing, just an observation.)

Kabocha

Tala's an innocent child, I'd rather see her get surprised when she like, REALIZES it

mathtans

And also possibly Tala's coach.

Kabocha

I wonder if she'll worry that Jane was going easy on her...

RebelVampire

i would be surprised if they didnt. i mean...jane jumped a fence just to say hi to tala despite the whole thing being broadcasted and all that.

ya know that is something i hadnt considered

that tala might worry jane went easy on her

Mharz

Jane gave her front seats

mathtans

Her punches are softer.

Mharz

so she can do that

Kabocha

Someone could also feed Tala misinformation and be like... "Jane wants you to stay here longer, so she's not training you to your full potential"

mathtans

"Jane gave me the front row seats so I'd have longer to travel to get to the bathroom. It's all part of training."

Mharz

LOOOOL

mathtans

Kabocha: That other MMA character is a good contender to do that.

Mharz

who?

which one?

mathtans

The one at the end of Part 2. I'm horrible with names.

Mharz

oh no her name hasn't been mentioned yet

I reckon you were talking about the emo blonde lady

mathtans

Ahh, okay then.

Mharz

it will be soon

RebelVampire

what we all didnt realize was that champs was a comedy about how many ways tala could misconstrue jane's intentions. Tala: Jane sent me these chocolates and flowers. This must be how americans congratulate each other on a good fight!

Mharz

yes

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. Within the story, Tala is starting out as a rookie and has quite a ways to go. What do you think motivated Tala to take on this career, especially given the potential for harm? How do you think Tala managed to get Ted Pearson as her couch? At the end, do you feel that Tala will reach the heights of what she wants for her career? If so, how long do you think it’ll take her to achieve that dream? What role do you think Jane will have to play in her career overall? Speaking of terms of immediacy, do you think Jane’s training in the recent chapters will help Tala in her upcoming match? What do you think will happen if Tala loses the match? Finally, how do you think fame and fortune might change Tala?

as for what motivated her....im just gonna go with the easy one and say money and the fact she punches good. cause it is a job suited to her skill set XD

Climaxstriker

runs in with pizza and ice cream What'd I miss?

mathtans

I think Tala mentioned how she's used to lifting heavy objects. Maybe she wanted to use that skill more than her smarts.

Mharz

I won't go to details but Ted actually is the one who tried to convince Tala to take on MMA.(edited)

Kabocha

Tala seems like the type who thought it would be fun once she got to a gym

mathtans

I wonder if it's a lose-lose, if Tala loses the match she figures Jane isn't training her well, but if Tala wins the match she figures she doesn't need more training.

Mharz

@Climaxstriker the previous questions were pinned if ye wanna answer them.

mathtans

Tala watched a TED talk?

Mharz

LOL math

mathtans

(It's super effective!)

Mharz

Ted is like this woman can lift so many things on her beefy arms! I want her to punch people.(edited)

OwO

RebelVampire

the secret to getting ted as your couch is to just move his furniture around for him

mathtans

Couch or coach?

Mharz

couch coach

mathtans

Paid in potatoes, so couch potato coach.

Mharz

he's not really that hands on with her tbh

I like to think of him as similar to Anzai from Slam Dunk(edited)

RebelVampire

*coach

i can spell

mathtans

It's all good. "Why are you sitting on me?" "You're my couch."

Ted: "Tala doesn't understand people hitting on her, so we'll have her hit on other people."

Mharz

literally

mathtans

yis

RebelVampire

i feel like tala will win her match based on jane's training, but i think its gonna be a hard fought battle and tala is gonna realize even after all that training shes still needs a lot of work in the non-punch areas

mathtans

She did figure out the feint.

Mharz

?

It was Jane tho

tho she realized it too late

RebelVampire

i think math meant that tala figured out she should feint

Mharz

oh

okay

rip my english

I will have to introduce Tala's next opponent very soon

mathtans

Yeah, that's what I meant. Assuming Tala did it on purpose.

Mharz

yis she did that on purpose

mathtans

Jane might have figured it out but had become a bit complacent.

Mharz

Jane figured it out but she was too late to react that's all.

RebelVampire

yeah i do think jane deserved the punch cause i think she super underestimated tala in that moment. which probably a good lesson for jane cause i imagine jane has gotten a bit arrogant in her position.

mathtans

To be fair, it's justified. Comic does a good job of showing that.

Mharz

thank you! :'3

RebelVampire

idk if id say justified. i mean theres a huge diff between confidence and arrogance. the former is good and jane should feel assured in her skills. the latter is bad and how you get uppercut and nearly KOed forever

Mharz

IMO she's a mixture of both

mathtans

Okay, I suppose there's a bit of perspective wrapped up in that, good point. But she does seem to know what she's doing, she's not blustering in terms of arrogance.

Mharz

tho on the sparring session, she wanted Tala to push harder so she provoked her(edited)

and that kinda backfired

Kabocha

Jane knows where she stands, but not quite where Tala stands

RebelVampire

i think thats a good way to put it

Mharz

yis

Climaxstriker

1. One-Punch Tala best scene. 2. I believe someday Jane will confess her love to Tala and they'll become a couple. Not now, but someday. 3. (Serious answer) I think Jane's training did help in the sense that it shows that while strong she needs to cool her head in a fight. Being angry would make anyone careless which leads to mistakes. 3. (Joke answer) I'm sure the only person Jane would accept as Tala's couch is Jane.

Mharz

pft climax

Jane would wish for her to be Tala's couch any day of the week

RebelVampire

jane begins an elaborate scheme to disguise herself as tala's furniture.

Tala: When did I get this Jane shaped lamp? Oh well. I'll worry about it later.

Mharz

Tala: "my sofa is extra lumpy today"

Climaxstriker

jane transforms into Tala's couch complete with Transformers transformation sound

mathtans

I dunno if Jane getting Tala into the hold during their bout counts as Tala being HER couch.

Climaxstriker

if the ship goes well, they'll be each other's couches

Mharz

can be a bed

omg

mathtans

Sofabed.

Sofa, so good.

RebelVampire

in all seriousness i agree with the assessment that tala does kind of need to learn to cool her head. cause getting provoked is a double edged sword. and now that the feint happened once jane will know to watch for it. which really, that seems like itd be tala's downfall. cause her style seems to rely on that punch doing most of the work. so imagine an opponent who just shrugs it off and is like "pfft im fine lets go"

Mharz

Oh for sure! Jane will not fall for that again.

She has been doing a good job exploiting Tala's weaknesses.

RebelVampire

now im scared picturing them having an argument about it tho. where theyre seriously mad at each other cause jane wants tala to improve but tala just isn't grasping how her weaknesses are working against her

mathtans

Tala will be the star for Season 3 of "One Punch Man".

I don't think we've every really seen Tala upset though? Hard to picture her mad.

RebelVampire

yeah but i mean...its gotta happen. outside the gym that is.

and i bet its scary af

Mharz

those people are the most scary

<.<

mathtans

No kicking puppies in front of Tala.

Mharz

Tala is the type who is generally nice and friendly but if she gets angry hoooooooooo booooooooooooy

no don't kick puppies in front of Tala

don't kick puppies

Climaxstriker

Kicking puppies in general is just asking to have an angry penguin yeeted at you.

RebelVampire

would tala get angry if someone threw a drink in her face?

mathtans

It's a valid point. Also, don't kick Tala in front of puppies.

Mharz

I wouldn't really think Tala would punch people outside fights

that will land you to jail

Climaxstriker

I would personally think Tala would be like ".....Bruh. Why?" if that were to happen.

Mharz

this isn't some highschool manga were you can beat up anyone and get away with it.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 4. Even though Jane is the current champion, her career and life are not without their own issues. Who do you think is the mysterious woman that took in interest in Jane after Jane’s big match? What do you think the woman intends for Jane? Overall, do you feel that Jane will remain undefeated in her career? How do you think she would react to losing a match, especially in regards to being able to face Tala? Further, how do you think Jane would feel if Tala won the championship belt from her? Would it strengthen or hurt their relationship? Last, what do you make of the fact Jane isn’t fond of her other activities like modeling and acting? How might Tala help Jane deal with those aspects of her life? To end, will Jane ever beat Allen?

mathtans

Jane's ex-girlfriend?

Mharz

Ronda Rousey lost after being undefeated for so long. Who knows what the future might bring?

Climaxstriker

I would think Jane would be proud for Tala if she won the built.

mathtans

(As to the championship, maybe they can both wear the belt, it looks large enough for two.)

Kabocha

I think Jane's going to lose once, but quickly take that belt back... While she may not be undefeated, it's going to be VERY dramatic, and everyone loves when the reigning champion returns, right?

RebelVampire

jane losing once sounds so sad. i mean it seems inevitable but i just feel like jane would take that hard. cause itd be a real punch to her ego.

but then tala can bring her a milkshake

tell her she was still amazing

mathtans

Maybe she loses because someone cheated. Flashed her a picture of Tala or something.

Climaxstriker

I would find it likely Jane would lose sometime. Being undefeated is nice but everyone's got a weakness.

mathtans

And Jane's weakness is, of course... scheduling.

Mharz

lol

RebelVampire

realistically that could be the answer tho. where jane is like i havent slept in 2 days its fine i can fight

Mharz

Jane is being smart and aware that MMA will not be her career forever which is why she does acting and modelilng as back up

her coach won't allow that tbh

her not sleeping in 2days

it also helps that fights are sporadic

and not weekly like wrestling

RebelVampire

thats good that jane has a backup plan. which sounds like a good serious convo between her and tala.

mathtans

It's an interesting set of points.

RebelVampire

cause tala doesnt seem the type to have a plan b

Mharz

with her prize money going to the family it's hard to plan

mathtans

Tala goes into hairstyling. I like the consistent ponytail.

Mharz

that's pretty much an issue in most middle class here tbh

mathtans

Okay, so when Jane meets Tala's family she ends up falling for Tala's older sister instead. Hijinks ensue.

Mharz

I think it'll be fine. Tala doesn't have a sister

she's the Big Sis

She has an older brother and a younger brother

RebelVampire

so the older brother can fall in love with jane and hijinks ensues. but then he realizes she likes tala and is like, tala you dope how do you not see this

mathtans

Or Jane falls for the older brother when she sees him from behind in a dress.

Mharz

looool

Jane mistook him for Tala and hijinks ensues

RebelVampire

oh dear XD

as an aside from tala, http://champs.mharz.com/comic/102 i want to take a moment to appreciate how cute kain is here.

Kabocha

How old is Kain?

Mharz

Kain is the other person Jane will care about the most aside from Tala(edited)

late 40s

Kabocha

Awww

At least Jane's not calling him Pops or anything XD

he seems like a sentimential sorta guy

Mharz

he's like the cool dad but a strict mentor

RebelVampire

he is the best dad and better have a #1 dad mug on his desk

Mharz

He does care a lot about Jane even tho they shout curses at each other when training

but they do have a mutual understanding on what they feel about each other

RebelVampire

see even better. they can shout curses at each other and still have a nice, caring relationship when the training is done

mathtans

Kain's catching on that Jane feels different lately. I liked their little conversation on the steps in the current parts.

Mharz

I have to say, Kain is one of Jane's biggest motivations to fight.(edited)

Kabocha

"JANE, HURRY UP, BEAT HER, AND GET YOUR ASS TOGETHER SO I CAN GO HOME AND WATCH MY SOAPS" "FUCK YOU COACH, I'M WINNING THIS MY WAY, WE HAVE TIVO" "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO WORK IT"

Mharz

LOOOOOOOOOL

that's so hilarious

RebelVampire

omg i want this to be a canon conversation

Mharz

the opponent is like

mathtans

Kain gets the idea from Soaps to have someone play Tala's evil twin as motivation for Jane to not get distracted in fights.

Mharz

looooool

RebelVampire

i hope he has a tiny tv he takes with him sometimes. and while theyre waiting for a fight to start hes just sitting there telling ppl to shut up cause he cant hear his soaps and rodriguez is about to find out his wife is cheating on him with his half-brother

Mharz

I'm pretty sure you can watch tv on smartphones???

Kabocha

Oh, but don't forget about that subplot that he's been following since 1992 -- the one where Joanna was having an affair with Dominic's brother, but played it off like it was an assault so Dominic killed his brother and paralyzed Joanna

Superjustinbros

Hey everyone!

Sorry I completely forgot about the CTP today

Climaxstriker

Plus he could have earphones so nobody could drown out his stuff

Superjustinbros

Was busy with other things

RebelVampire

you can watch tv on smartphones but the tiny tv is an aesthetic i feel suits kain

Kabocha

Ahaaha. Is Kain the type of guy who loses his wireless earbuds.

Mharz

he should have a headset instead

it's bigger

Superjustinbros

I just wanna drop in and say I love Mharz' projects, they have such great appeal.

Mharz

ty justin. :'3

Superjustinbros

You're welcome

mathtans

Do we ship Kain and Ted?

Mharz

Ted is sorta a mentor to Kain back in the day

RebelVampire

i ship kain and his #1 dad mug

Climaxstriker

Jane: Kain, the fights about to start. Kain: ....... Jane: Kain.......Kaaaaaaaain......... Jane notices air-pods Jane: Oh shit, he's wearing air-pods he can't hear me.

I'm sorry I've seen that meme go around enough times to not pass that up when wireless earphones came in xD

Mharz

which is why he can't say no to training Tala

Kabocha

Jane decides to go ham in the match, beats her opponent in ways not yet seen before

Kain ends up having to watch the match on TV

Mharz

pft

RebelVampire

i would love to see kain and ted interact tho more. cause i feel like well learn a lot about both of them and their motivations

and see more kain being cute

Kabocha

So, we're getting down to the last minutes... MHARZ I WANNA SAY YOU ARE AWESOME

mathtans

So the other question is, did Jane accidentally walk in on Tala taking a shower when they were rooming together.

Mharz

thank Kabocha! :'3

OwO

Jane would be like

that face

RebelVampire

jane isnt in the hospital from a nose bleed so probably not

mathtans

Hee hee. In conclusion, good job, Mharz, enjoy the theme immensely. Also learning things about MMA. ^^

Mharz

actually Jane would be nonchalant about it and Tala will be the one freaking out

Jane: "Tala it's fine we're both girls"

Tala: EEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Mharz, as well, for making Champs. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Mharz’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read and Comment: http://champs.mharz.com/

Mharz’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/avimharz

Mharz’s Store: http://mharz.storenvy.com/

Mharz’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/avimharz

[luvleekaotix-imagines]

Just a note, some of these asks are literally from MONTHS ago and I’m fucking TRASH and just left it for too long, I’m so sorry.

Anonymous said:

Do you plan to write any imagines for Fire Emblem? Cause i know some people there that i would love to smooch their lil face

I don’t have any plans, but I never have any plan for what I write to be honest/ FE muses might come outta no where and suddenly there’s a fic, so... YAH. If it happens, look forward to it? Hahah!

★★★★★

Anonymous said:

Do you play Final Fantasy XIV? :) You can get a cactuar vanity pet that follows you around, and does a twirly twirl. <3

I do play FF14! I’ve actually been on a decent hiatus, but I’ll be back for SB. I’m on Tonberry if anyone is curious <3 I know of the Cactuar pet, but I don’t have it! I guess I’ll have to go looking :3 <3

★★★★★

seirensou said:

Can you make a sequel for the University AU Jack :3 i think he deserve a "series'" like Gabe~

Hahah yass Jack anything tbh. I love Jack Morrison so much AND I DON’T KNOW WHY LIKE WHY THIS VANILLA SUPER SOLDIER TROPE WHAT IS IT LIKE ?????

anyway yes I have to get back to Uni AU, but I’m pretty sure I promised Amalie/Widowmaker first! But I’m always down for Jack anything, just so you know.

★★★★★

zanthiasplace said:

Hello, I'm your waifu. I follow you since god knows where, and I will ALWAYS do, till the the end of times. So prepare yourself to be bombarded with more stuff to fill your fics and mind, because if I go down, you will come with me MUAHAHA

I love you so much Z, like you have no idea. I love when you message me here, or like my stuff on any of my blogs or message my on Facebook like fifhdishfiudhs <3 You’re such a big part of my life. I’m really gonna have to work hard to visit you because ilu so much and we HAVE to meet for realsies xoxox

★★★★★

il-legible said:

Ack- I sent you my message of admiration BEFORE you invited us to introduce ourselves and say hi and now I wanna do it formally. Hi! I'm Rain! I'm pan, Vietnamese, Scorpio, love love love horror movies, bunnies, your writing, comics, and video games. I speak 4 languages, I just want to make more friends. Oh. I live in Canada. YEAH. HI. AGAIN. 

Hello darling!! I’m pretty sure it’s been mentioned before, but I’m viet too! Yasss. I mean I don’t speak a lick of the language (I speak teochew, its what my parents taught me instead of viet for some reason), but YEAH. 

I love a lot of the things you do an dI also want to make more friends. I’m actually really bad at it, but I’m doing my best. ;w; <3

Love ya Rain xoxo

★★★★★

Anonymous said:

Please O great KC Jaal please or some turians please 

I WILL HAVE TO WRITE TO JAAL, EVFRA AND TIRAN KANDROS AAA. Alien baes forever. But omg Kandro you poor babe working so haaard aaaaa

★★★★★

Anonymous said:

Just wanted to say thanks. You had me laughing 'til my stomach hurt and your reader-inserts keep me alive during the day. So please whatever you do to be this awesome keep it up!

Aww I’m glad I could make you laugh! I’m not sure if my humor ever comes through because people don’t generally laugh around me/I’m not known for being funny, so it makes me happy to hear you like funny stuff that’s being written.

Or you could just be laughing at my writing, which tbh is also okay long as you’re enjoying yourself I guess lol <3 lol

Love you anon! xxoxo

★★★★★

Anonymous said:

speaking of dark haired characters wearing red and black, do you have any interest in Persona 5/the persona series in general? *u*

I have only just started P5 and then I haven’t had the time or energy to play it. Like Persona is one of those games where you have to SIT and SET ASIDE time to play it so you can take it all in. Its very hard for me to find time to do that nowadays, but I want to continue playing it AAAA.

Ryuji is my fave so far tho. Kill me, I’m weak for those kinds of boisterous, well-meaning rebels. I’m probably just old.

★★★★★

Anonymous said:

More genji plz my yummy boi 

Don’t worry! I’ll write more Genji even if I don’t want to cause I hate to admit it, but he’s my strongest OW muse. He’s super easy to write for.

★★★★★

Anonymous said:

Omg KC you are gorgeous x 1048392847!!! Like I wish I could pull of lipstick the way you do and your fashion sense is super on point! That stupid skirt can cash me ousside. You are goddess and deserving of everything and anyone who disagrees can fight me lol 

Oh you can totally pull off lipstick like I do; just put it on lol. And while I’d love to think I have good fashion sense, it’s actually cause I tried a brand ONCE and found out their clothes are exactly my style and their sizes fit me pretty perfectly, so I pretty much only buy that brand. Kitten D’Amour. The downside is... I HAVE LIKE NO CASUAL CLOTHES NOW. I’M OVERDRESSED FOR EVERYTHING. ALSO THESE CLOTHES ARE SO FUCKING EXPENSIVE why am like this

I love you very much anon, YOU are the deity, not I~ and you very much deserve everything <3 xoxoxox

★★★★★

Anonymous said:

I follow for Overwatch (I couldn't even tell you how long ago rip) but, even after I unfollowed a lot of Overwatch blogs, I mainly kept following you bc your writing is amazing!

Oh sweetie, I don’t even know if you’re still with me, but that’s so sweet! Even if you’ve unfollowed me anon, it’s okay. There’s always a chance we’ll meet again in the future. I’m sure the other blog owners feel exactly the same way.

Following and unfollowing blogs is part of this website and just because you’ve unfollowed doesn’t mean you can’t follow again in the future if the blog ever shifts back into your interests. 

Just so everyone who reads this knows, if you feel like unfollowing, you absolutely can of course and I wish you all the best. <3

Love you, anon! xoxox I always will

★★★★★

Anonymous said:

Listen if you write a n y t h i n g for RE I am here for it (cough Leon, Chris, and/or Wesker cough)

I’ve never known the draw of Wesker, but oh my gosh, Leon and Chris. I’ve always looked for reader-inserts for them and could never find any, so I might actually have to start writing for them. Leon tho hhhhhhhhhh. Chris hold me in your big strong arms plsssssssss

★★★★★

Anonymous said:

That thing about lacking inserts? I struggle for anything for Watchdogs, Destiny and Pokemon! Specific characters? There is a severe lack of anything decent for Guzma, Defalt or Cayde, I would write them but I cant write very well.

I haven’t written for Pokemon yet, but I have done a couple Cayde things now (and probably more in the future) and I’ve done WD2 stuff, but not WD unfortunately since I couldn’t finish the game (couldn’t get into it :( ). I’ll have to revisit WD maybe, because it seems there are a few characters people really liked in WD.

Regarding your writing, I bet you write just fine. If you don’t keep writing, you’ll never improve either, so if you want to write some stuff, even just for yourself, you should really do it!! <3 I believe in you~

★★★★★

Anonymous said:

your writings are so wonderful they make me wanna cry ;w; (in a good way tho) 

Aww honey!! You’re the sweetest. Thank you so much for letting me know you like my writing. It alwas baffles me, but it makes me smile!! I’m sorry for making you though ARGH!! But so you know, sometimes I cry when I write stuff lmao IF I’M NOT FEELIN IT I CAN’T WRITE IT I GUESS

★★★★★

Anonymous said:

You're stuck in the Fire Emblem hell too? OMG YES! COME OVER HERE! *runs to you but trips over a lobster(Ryoma) and never gets up*

I’m always in Fire Emblem hell tho and I married Ryoma as soon as I could ngl. I love my royal lobster husband.

★★★★★

Anonymous said:

Please write more CaydexReader fics because there are none really in existence and the one you wrote was not enough on its own to satisfy the beast that is my fanfic hunger.

I’m sure there are some, but I’m happy to write more!! I don’t know too much about Cayde-6 though, so I’m very cautious. I’m never sure if I get his character right and it’s so important to me that I do, otherwise it feels like a mockery of a character the fans love :(

★★★★★

Anonymous said:

Ok I just say I just found your Delsin fic and oohhhh my goddd I love itttt thank you for writing it it's so good

AAAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE DELSIN ROWE OKAY I have to write more for him sometime in the future I hate it so much he actually makes me a weak giggly mess its WEIRD I DUNNO WHY I can’t actually think of another character that does that WHAT THE FUCK DELSIN

★★★★★

lombax-lombardi said:

Speaking of Fire Emblem Radiant Dawn and how fabulous everyone looks it also makes them look very illegal. Like hello you can't be this pretty, this is wrong and illegal stop toying with me. But they will never stop toying with your emotions. gdi pretty boys in Fire Emblem how DARE

This is an accurate summary of how a majority of FE fans feel, I think!! When I was playing through FE Awakening and Fates I was like “I wanna marry them, NO THEM, Wait nO THERES MORE THAT ONE MAYBE? Okay no I’ll go baCK WHO IS THIS THO”

hhhhh.... the introduction of the avatar system was a blessing and curse.

★★★★★

doublerainebow said:

Please take your time in writing! I realize how hard it is to have the creativity flowing as a writer myself 😭😭 Just being able to talk to you is fine with me anyways!

Thank you, my love!! When I’m stressed my usual creatively is pretty much murdered. I’ve been in a major slump in basically everything in my life recently, but I’m actually tired of that mentality now. I’m gonna work hard to make some minor adjustments until I feel like I’m back on track again.

I love talking to you guys, I do. Thank you so much for your messages xoxox <3

★★★★★

Anonymous said:

I loooove Auriel and Brightwing. I'm a support main, though, so I love all of them. 👽💚

Aaa I love Auriel!! Brightwing is honestly the spirit animal we should all have. We should all be happy with things like rainbows and love and thE BLOOD OF OUR ENEMIES you know?

I play Zagara and Lt. Morales mostly! I can also play a few other supports and a couple of tanks, but I suck ass at assassins like fml.

★★★★★

Anonymous said:

Man I was going through your blog and I like all the stuff you write and I'd be totally down for some Fire Emblem stuff because 1. The older games need some love and 2. Tibarn nuff said and I am GLAD you enjoyed GotG2 so good.

Yess there is a serious lack of older FE fics. Some characters are just so amazing. If only there was a remake with the avatar system sO WE CAN ROMANCE THEM QQ.

★★★★★

yoshikuno said:

i love your dmc headcanons!! it give me inspiration for and a fic XDD. sorry for the bad english n_nU 

Your english is fine, darling! And I’m glad you liked the headcanons. I need to write some DmC reboot stuff though, just to even things out with the original crew haha.

Have fun writing the fic, I’m sure it’s amazing! <3

★★★★★

Anonymous said:

The cayde-6 x reader was perfect! Could you write more soon? :D 

Anonymous said:

i loved your Cayde-6 imagine! There's never enough Destiny fiction so I was wondering if you know of any other Destiny writing blogs?

Thanks for the love on the Cayde-6 imagine guys!! I’ve been concerned with how I write him because I haven’t played Destiny much :( I’ll be getting on Destiny 2, it seems, once it’s out on PC :)

I don’t actually know of any Destiny writing blogs, but if anyone reads this and knows of other blogs, send me a message or reply to this post!!

★★★★★

Anonymous said:

Is it bad that while reading the beginning of your latest Blackwatch agent fic "Fly", I thought of the Art of Slay series? lol Keep up the cool work, KC! 

YESSS it does start very similarly cause you’re cursing your fellow comrades out for putting you in a compromising position. In ‘Fly’ it’s a lot less sexy, but hey, you beat everyone up with a shoe and I feel like that makes up for it lmao <3

★★★★★

Anonymous said:

Take your time, KC! Life is more important. I hope things start looking up for you. 👽💚

Anonymous said:

We love you, KC! Hope you find peace and relief from the stress! 💖

Anonymous said:

it's totally ok that you don't want to write !! seriously no pressure, dude. we all love you and I hope you get through what you're going through. :)

latinxshepard said:

KC!!! plese try to take care of the issues first!!! we need you to be well and good so you can provide us your magnificent presence!!! take your time and just keep rebloging for a while if thats better to you!!! that everything get better soon!!!

Thanks for the love, guys. It’s been rough as fucking fuck. I can’t go through everything because so much happened over the past like month or so (it feels like longer than that) that I would be writing a novel if I had to explain it. 

The short of it is that everything came down on me at once, personal/family life, social life, work life and some things that happened in the past that won’t stay dead. They struck all at once and I’m pretty much dead inside.

BUT I’m tired of feeling this way, so I’m gonna try and make some minor quality of life changes and just try and get over it. It’ll take time though, as these things do.

Thanks for being so patient with me and for staying with this blog even though I haven’t been able to give you quality content for a long time. You don’t understand how much that means to me, on top of all the amazing messages of support I’ve been receiving. You’re all beautiful people that make life all the more brighter. xoxoxox

★★★★★

queen-lluvia said to luvleekaotix-imagines:

How are you doing?😉

I’m trudging along!!! Did you see the Red Hood Injustice 2 gameplay trailer tho. Ohhhhhh Jason wrecks face and for some reason it’s so attractive. I’m a broken human being aaa

[b00bstone]

All the even numbers!

thats a lot. and 72 was repeated twice but i had to renumber them since i copied and pasted adn forgot it was repeated. but anyway. 

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

mostly shy i think but i can be outgoing if im comfortable. 

4 Are you easy to get along with?

not really. i can be quite moody. and i unfortunately have a short temper (which im trying to work on) and im depressed adn suicidal so i think the answer is no. 

6 What kind of people are you attracted to?

smart funny ones. 

8Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

my friend the nerd because i was talking to them and my friend rabbit earlier. 

10Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

probs my therapist since we talked just earlier today.

12What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

1.awkward by hailey knox

2 beautiful girl by sara barielles 

3. plot twist by sigrid

4 waving through a window from dear evan hansen 

and 5. dissapear also from dear evan hansen.

14Do you believe in luck and miracles?

yeah but my luck is shitty and miracles happen to other people. so basically yes but not for me lmao

16Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

yeah. if she were down. but like shes really straight. so i doubt she would be.

18Do you still talk to your first crush?

occasionally. hes a dick now tho. fraternity guy. and voted for trump.

20Do you like your neighbors?

well the ones i know are pretty cool. 

22Where would you like to travel?

narnia. one of those planets they discovered that are super far away but similar to earth. but like on this planet? probs travel around europe. 

24Favorite part of your daily routine?

going to bed. 

26What do you do when you wake up?

lie there and try to go back to sleep. 

28Who are you most comfortable around?

probs my friend rabbit.

30Do you ever want to get married?

one day yeah. but only if i find the right person u know. 

32Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

oohhhh ummm hmmm. chris pratt. aubrey plaza and john boyega. i feel like aubrey would bring a sarcastic element which would help with the pressure and nervousness and john and chris. well u can just see in their eyes that theyre really gentle people that will treat u right. 

34do you play sports? What sports?

hahaha no. ive always wanted to dance and/or be on a swimteam. but my lungs hate me

36Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

i think ive only told like 1 or 2 people that ive liked that i liked them. and ive liked a lot of people so yes. i have hidden that i liked someone before. many many times.

38Describe your dream girl/guy?

theyre taller than me. i dunno why but ive always liked wavy/curly hair. not blonde. or brunette. so that leaves unnatural hair color or black or red. good bone structure. theyre really smart. like they know lots of stuff academically but theyre also just generally smart u know. and they know lots of lil random facts about random things. really nice. but not in like a sugar nice way but more like sun beams when it feels like theyre warming u from the inside kinda nice. kind eyes. color doesnt really matter since i keep changing my mind. strong. but not necessarily muscular. i want them to be able to pick me up and twirl me around but not like theyve got a sixpack or anything. sixpacks are kinda weird looking tbh. wed have to have most of the same values. not too talkative but not like ALWAYS quiet. theyd prefer staying in most weekend and watchng shows but dont mind the occassional night out. theyd like the beach. because what kind of crazy person doesnt like the beach (people that dont beach right thats who). theyd also like biking and hiking and swimming. very much an animal person. not lazy. good listener. intuitive. would understand that some days i just cant fucking stand physical touch. and others i crave it in a way ive never craved anything before. and other days its kinda meh whatever. people that take interest in what im interested in because im interested in it. and whose interests are cool. because i love to take interest in things my friends are interested in but sometimes its so boring. nothing particular comes to mind. but im sure its happened. someone who doesnt check up on me when im crying. because tbh i hate it when people do that. unless its through texting or a phone call. but like people in person asking “are u ok?” while im sobbing my eyes out? fuck no go away. someone who understands that im really fucking bad with words. and sometimes me trying to say something will take a while and it may not make sense. theyd be patient. they wouldnt mock me. or be manipulative. and i think this list is long enough.

40What do you want to do after high school?

travel the world and end up famous, but not like papparazzi following me famous. famous like i appear on snl every once in a while and drop bangers or rad filsm or whatever i do and thats all.  what will i probs end up doing? crying a lot and going to community college. and applying to as many colleges as i have the energy to. 

42If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

it might mean im busy. or just listening. or really pissed off. or upset. or just have nothing to say. 

44Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

space. 

46What are you paranoid about?

everything

48Have you ever been drunk?

not yet. but sometimes i want to be

50What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

blue i think?

52 One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

everything. but like one specific thing? id like to get rid of my depression, fears, and this brain fog that haunts me

.54 Favourite store?

trader joes or target

56Favourite color?

yellow

58 Last thing you ate?

well rn im eating plain potato chips and mayo (please dont judge me. i know its disgusting)

60Ever won a competition? For what?

i used to do mma i won like one or two of those. i also run a riding competition once. 

62Been arrested? For what?

not yet. but im sure one day i will be.

64tell us the story of your first kiss?

we were in her parents bathroom and were 7. thats all i remember. havent kissed anyone since. which isnt for lack of wanting to.

68Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

i dont really have any tumblr friends that arent my real friends yet? so like i cant answer that.

70 Twitter or Tumblr?

well i spend all my time here and not on twitter so lets go with tumblr. altho i do have a twitter im never on

72Names of your best friends?

adi, heather, rabecca, joaquin, celestine. 

74What colour are your towels?

blue, red and white. and theres some hawaiin print ones and a yellow one. 

76How many pillows do you sleep with?

3... 

78How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

like 40? dont judge. i kept asking as a kid and my parents kept giving them to me for christmas and my birthday. they should have stopped. 

80What colour is your underwear?

rn its grey. but its not the only color i have

82Favourite ice cream flavor?

fuck. ummmmm coffee?

84What colour pants?

rn theyre black. but on the front of the thighs they have zebra striping. 

86Favourite movie?

thats not an easy question to answer. im gonna say bringing up baby just because. 

90Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

both? i mean i prefer mean girls a lil more bu 21 jumpstreet isnt bad either

92 Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

dory. we are both scatterbrained. 

94Last person you talked to today?

adi. but like in person? rabbit and the nerd. 

96Name a person you love?

celestine. (not romantically)

98In a fight with someone?

not as far as i know. but i always kinda feel like im in a fight with monkey. 

100How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

like 4? i know i know i dont have very many. 

102Favourite actress?

aubrey plaza. 

104Do you tan a lot?

nope. i try at least once every summer. but my skin either stays as pale as snow or i burn really bad then my skin shift to a slightly more offwhite shade of snow. 

106. How are you feeling?

blergh. potato chips and mayo are really gross. and im tired and sick of people telling me shit. 

108Do you regret anything from your past?

i regret everything ive ever done. 

110Do you miss anyone from your past?

well there is this one guy i used to talk to but i miss the attention and not him so that doesnt count. i kinda miss a friend of mine named shannon from elementary school sunday school

112Ever broken someone’s heart?

i dont think so. 

114What should you be doing?

school. but ive given up on that. so. 

.116 Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

oh yeah. ive liked 2 peoplethat much. altho i barely knew the first person and it was more me projecting my ideals of the prefect person onto them. 

118Who was the last person you cried in front of?

probs my therapist. 

120Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yeah. i was just in virginia last week. i live in california so id say thats definitely out of state. 

122Are you listening to music right now?

nope. 

124Do you like Chinese food?

americanized or traditional? americanized: yessss that shit i shte bomb. traditional? i dont know ive never had it. 

126Are you afraid of the dark?

yes. very. i need a light source or i start to panic. 

.128 Is cheating ever okay?

like on a partner or on a test or something? on a partner? no way. u should never do that. like thatll really fuck them up and make them mistrustful for the rest of their life. on a test? if its necessary sure go for it. i dont care. im not ur teacher. 

130Do you believe in love at first sight?

yeah. but its not something thatll ever happen to me lmao.

132. Are you currently bored?

im always bored. 

134 Would you change your name?

last name? yes 100% absolutely. first name? maybe. 

136Do you like subway?

like the sandwich shop? fuck no! the first time i ate it i threw up. the second time was ok. and thei third time i got serious stomach cramps afterwards. it was these awful sharp shooting pains all through my stomach. 

138Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

probs my therapist. 

140Can you count to one million?

theoretically? yes. but will i? no 

142Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed! my closet freaks me out but the office across from my bedroom freaks me out more. and also like i dont want cats walking on my face. or to wake up at 7 am and find that my dog has taken up the very middle of the bed. 

144Curly or Straight hair?

rn? mostly straight. but when it gets longer it kinda curls a  lil. 

146Summer or Winter?

yes. i like both. dont make me choose. 

148 Favourite month?

july. thats when im born so it has to be my fav. 

150Dark, milk or white chocolate?

milk

152Was today a good day?

no. 

154What’s your favourite quote?

in the beginning the universe was created a lot of people regard t as a bad move. and i messed that quote up. but yeah. 

156Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

the terms braided and woven refer to the structure of the elastic.