#my small pet peeve is people going ‘can’t believe dimple made him say this’ when he didn’t

[bugcatcherkit]

saw that manga panel today

[biaswreckingfics]

Letting Go: Part 2

Author: biaswreckingyourlifefics

Pairing: Baekhyun x Reader

Genre: Angst?

Word count: 2.4k

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When you arrive at the building Jia had driven you to, you don’t notice anything out of the ordinary. It was a tall, plain concrete structure like every other building in the area.  Maybe Jia is messing with me, you think. You were new. Maybe this was some type of hazing thing they did to new friends. Or maybe I befriended a bunch of weirdos who really think they’re in a cult.

Jia’s knocking on the door brings you back to the present, and you stare at it in anticipation. When it opens, a familiar face comes into view, flooding your body with relief. Maybe I put too much thought into the weirdo idea, you mentally scold yourself.

“Hey, jagi. Hey, Y/N.” Jongin greets you as he opens the door wider, letting you pass through.

“Hey, Jongin,” you reply as you walk past him, letting the two lovebirds kiss in the doorway.

The second person you are greeted by is another familiar face, calming your inner thoughts even more. Chanyeol was standing in the hallway, next to another tall male you had never seen before. He had shorter, black hair and a slightly mean expression on his face. You assumed he had a “resting bitch face” just like you and that he wasn’t actually a mean person, basing your opinions off of the other boys.

“Y/N, welcome to our, kind of, home. This is Sehun. I don’t think you guys have met before.”

Sehun gives you a small smile, and you instantly knew that your impression of him was right. “Hey.”

“Hello,” you smile back.

Your mind finally catches up with Chanyeol’s words. This was “kind of” their home. You wonder what that means, but you feel Jia and Jongin come up behind you before you can ask, so you let it go and turn towards them.

“Well, let’s go into the living room. There are a few more people for you to meet.”

You take in Jongin’s words and follow behind the couple, with Sehun and Chanyeol trailing you. How many more people could there be? You’ve already met five of them.

As you turn the corner, you’re met with a large group of people looking at you. Oh... that many. As you look at all the faces, you recognize Kyungsoo, Baekhyun, and Chanyeol’s girlfriend, but there were four other faces you were completely unfamiliar with. You slowly wave a hand, not sure if this was a bowing situation or not. Thankfully, you are met with a couple of smiles and a few hellos.

“Hey, Y/N!” Chanyeol’s girlfriend smiles at you from the couch.

“Hey!” You were grateful she was the one who broke the silence because you knew it wouldn’t be you. The thought of speaking in front of these people you barely knew was not appealing to you at the moment.

“So, I think there are a few people you haven’t met yet…” Jongin comes over to your side and points at Kyungsoo and Baekhyun. “You know those two. Next to Kyungsoo is Yixing.” He says while pointing at a cute man who flashes you a dimpled smile. He then turns to the three who were sitting on the other side of the group and begins pointing at them in succession. “Next to Baekhyun is Junmyeon, Minseok, and Jongdae. Guys, this is Y/N.”

After a couple more smiles, you begin to notice everyone staring at you. At first, you attempt to brush it off because you were just as new to them as they were to you, but the longer the silence stretched, the more awkward it felt. Why isn’t anyone speaking?

You turn to the right and look up at Chanyeol, not being able to handle the awkwardness anymore. “Why is everyone staring at me?”

It was like a trance was broken as you said those words. Everyone immediately looked away, a couple of them rubbing the back of their neck or their arms. Jia laughs from your left, drawing your attention to her.

“Seriously. Do I have something on my face?”

Your words cause a couple of people to chuckle, and you feel yourself starting to become annoyed. One of your biggest pet peeves was asking a question and not getting an answer, and you were beginning to question if you were going to get one.

Looking over the group, you notice one staring at you still, neither laughing nor smiling. Junmyeon, you think, recalling his name. The two of you held eye contact until he finally speaks up.

“You don’t seem surprised… Do you know who we are?” He asks you thoughtfully.

All you could do was stare at him and then look at Jia, silently asking if he was being serious. When Jia stares back at you with her arms folded across her chest waiting to see what you are going to say, you turn back to look at Junmyeon.

“Am I supposed to know who you are?” Chanyeol and Baekhyun laugh at your response, while Jia sighs from your left.

“Y/N! Now I know you haven’t been listening to the music I gave you!” Jia nearly shouts at you, her hands swinging down to rest on her hips.

Turning towards her exasperatedly, you respond, “Jia, what does that have to do with anything right now?!”

Your words put smiles on everyone’s faces, including Junmyeon, but before you could become irritated you hear the one named Jongdae speak.

“You really don’t know us! This is great. I think we were worried about nothing.”

His words make you realize that they aren’t messing around with you. They are being completely serious. You glance around the room, taking in the nine men. They were all stupidly good looking, but nothing was coming to mind. You try to think of all the things Jia has been trying to teach you ever since you met her. Jongin was a dancer, and she kept mentioning music…

“Oh! You guys are a dance crew or something!”

“Oh, good lord! I can’t take this anymore.” Jia gives you a look, letting you know she thought you were dumb. “Y/N, they’re EXO.”

EXO? EXO… you remembered that from something… Jia’s eyes widen in disbelief the longer you think. Oh!

“K-Pop! You’re the really big K-Pop group!” You clap your hands together once, excitement briefly going through you when you remember the name.

Jongin, who had been silently dying of laughter next to Jia, looks over at her and says, “Jia, I thought you’ve been helping her learn things…”

“I thought so too!” She replies, looking at you accusingly.

You hold your hands out in front of you in an attempt to calm Jia down. “I’ll admit… I’ve been focusing more on the shows than the music, but I did check out some of it!”

“Have you listened to us?” Chanyeol asks curiously.

Nodding, you say, “Ko Ko Bop, Monster, Lotto. I remember watching those... The videos are really cool, and the songs are pretty good too. I like them!”

“Well, thank you,” Junmyeon responds.

They all begin staring at you again, making you feel uncomfortable. If they don’t quit doing that…

“Why are you all staring at me again?” You pause, then it finally clicks. “Do you guys think I’m going to attack you and ask for your autographs or something? Because I’m not going to.”

You laugh at the situation, knowing there were probably millions of girls who would die to be in your place right now. “I mean, no offense, but I didn’t even recognize you… So, I think it’s kind of obvious I’m not some crazy fangirl or anything. Plus, I see Jongin all the time, and he seems like a normal human being, so I’m sure the rest of you are the same.” You finish, shrugging your shoulders.

They all take in your words, but Sehun is the one to finally speak up, a joking smirk gracing his face. “I can’t tell if I should be offended or thankful.”

“Sorry to disappoint.” You smile back at him.

“You didn’t disappoint at all. In fact, I’m quite impressed so far. Please, sit down and make yourself comfortable.” Junmyeon responds, indicating to the seat in front of you.

As you sit down, Jia makes a comment. “I’m a little disappointed. I thought you’d have at least an interesting reaction.”

You look back at her and see a small pout on her face. Laughing, you say, “Want to start all over? I can come up with a better reaction this time.”

Jia gives you a droll stare, causing the others to laugh.

“I have a feeling you’ll fit in here,” Minseok says, giving you a small smile.

Chanyeol’s girlfriend answers him. “Oh, she’ll fit in just fine.”

Getting to know the rest of the boys was different than what you expected. Knowing EXO was a big deal in Korea, you figured they’d be stuck up or rude, but they were nowhere close to either of those. They were polite, kind, and fun, which you should’ve figured out from your talks with Jongin, Chanyeol, and Kyungsoo at the store. You were just relieved that they weren’t crazy like you had started to believe on the ride over and that it wasn’t some type of hazing ritual. They actually had a real secret that you now needed to help them keep.

“So, this explains your reaction at the store...” Baekhyun says while sitting down next to you. “You really had no clue who we even were…”

“I feel like I should apologize, but I don’t know why.” You laugh, almost feeling bad that you didn’t recognize them.

“No, it’s actually refreshing.” He responds while giving you a small smile. “So, how do you like Korea so far?”

“Honestly? It’s not what I expected, but I’m pleasantly surprised.” You pause. Did you just diss Korea in some way? You immediately start to backtrack, knowing the country focuses heavily on respect. “Not that I thought it was a bad place or anything!”

Baekhyun laughs. “It’s okay. I knew what you meant.”

You couldn’t help but stare at him. The smile that was gracing his face made him infinitely more attractive, which you didn’t even think was a possibility. It made his eyes light up, and he looked almost carefree.

“So, Baekhyun, what do you do for fun? I mean... do you have time for fun? ...Of course, you have time for fun. What kind of question is that?” You stop and take a deep breath, cringing at whatever just came out of your mouth. “I’m rambling, and I’m going to shut up now.”

Baekhyun stares at you for a moment and then lets out another laugh. “Do you ramble when you’re nervous?”

Thinking about it, you couldn’t recall a time where you had a conversation with someone as attractive as him, so you mutter, “Apparently.”

“To answer your question, I like to chill out at home and relax, or play video games, when I have time.”

“That makes sense.” You nod.

Before you realize it, two full hours had gone by while you were talking to Baekhyun, and you managed to not embarrass yourself the whole time. Other members came up and talked to you for a little while, but they would eventually drift away, leaving you with Baekhyun all over again.

You surprisingly learned a lot about him. You learned that he had an older brother, like you, and a fear of heights. He told you that he was closest with Chanyeol, but you figured that out on your own by watching their interactions. The most outrageous thing he told you was that he hated cucumbers.

“Excuse me? What did cucumbers ever do to you?” You look at him like he had insulted your family.

Baekhyun shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t like them. The taste, the texture. It’s gross.”

“I love cucumbers.”

He sighs and shakes his head. “I really thought this friendship would work, but I don’t think I can associate with you anymore.”

“Good, the feelings mutual, bacon.” You say while leaning back into the couch with your arms crossed.

He stares at you with wide eyes before he lets out a shocked laugh. His laugh had grown on you over the past couple of hours. By the end of your talk, every time you heard it, your heart fluttered a little in your chest.

“You two look like you’re getting along well over here,” Jia says, coming up from your right.

“You should be careful, Jia. I’m thinking about getting rid of you and adding her to our group instead.”

“Shove it, Baek. There’s enough room for both of us in this group.”

At their words, you blush a little. You knew Jia liked you enough to keep you around but hearing that Baekhyun did made your stomach do weird things.

“So, what’re you two talking about over here?” Jia asks.

You roll your eyes. “His irrational hate of cucumbers.”

“Yah! Excuse you – “

“Carry on with your boring conversation.” Jia interrupts him with a roll of her eyes and walks away.

So, you did. Jia might’ve thought it was boring, but you had a really great time talking to him. The longer you two talked, the more you picked up on all of his little quirks, and the more you came to appreciate them.

By the end of the night, you knew you knew you had developed a crush on Baekhyun, but you could also see Baekhyun had someone else on his mind. Someone who happened to be in a relationship with his best friend.

Throughout the night, you had noticed Baekhyun’s eyes straying to the other side of the room multiple times. At first, you thought he was watching the other members since there was a lot going on. You found out that wasn’t the case when you realized his eyes kept going to the same person, Chanyeol’s girlfriend.

Oh, Baekhyun, no. You had been in that position before, liking someone you couldn’t have. It was miserable, and you felt for him.

Curiously, you glance over at her, wondering if she had any idea Baekhyun was harboring a crush on her. The more you watch her and Chanyeol, you knew she didn’t. You had only known her for a month or so, but you didn’t get the impression that she was the type to shove something like that in someone’s face, especially Chanyeol’s best friend.

All you knew was that you had a crush on a boy who had feelings for someone else.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #379

“sometimes i fear the worst in me, is the best you’ll ever know”

Have you ever been in weather below 0 Fahrenheit (-17 Celsius)? No. Have you ever been caught outdoors away from shelter during a thunderstorm? Yeah. Most notably, the only concert I've ever been to was outside during a thunderstorm, haha. Made it more badass. What’s your favorite macaron flavor? Never had one. How often do you have friends over to your house? Never. Have you ever had a boss who acted unprofessionally? No. Not that I really ever had a job long enough to notice. How many times have you stayed at a hotel in the past year, and where? We never stayed overnight anywhere, we just visited one once to see my dying grandmother for the last time. Have you ever done a flip on a trampoline? I used to do front flips, but I was too scared to do a back flip in case I landed on my neck and broke it. What about a flip off of a diving board? No. Are you embarrassed by your school yearbook photos? They all sucked. Who taught you to tie your shoelaces? Dad did the "wrong" way, which I understood first, so Mom was insistent on teaching me the "proper" way, I think because she thought the knot was tighter and therefore safer. Currently how many pictures are on your cellphone? Not a lot, but I don't feel like counting. Do you think dimples are cute? Yep. Would you rather chew fruity or minty gum? It really depends on what I'm feeling. The last time you went to the mall, who did you go with? My mom and older sister. What’s something you used to collect when you were younger? Stickers. Have you watched a movie today? No. Aside from your own, whose house did you last set foot into? My sister's. Do you love soft pretzels? Oh hell yes. Cinnamon and sugar are THE best. Who was the last person who cried around you? Why did they start crying? Was it unexpected? My mom, because the dog is stressing her the fuck out. I saw it coming eventually. Are you more likely to like someone before you really know them, or do you feel you like them more after you know a lot about them? When it comes to really liking someone, I like to know them well. That way, I'm more confident in knowing me liking them is justified. Do you buy people cards on special occasions, or do you prefer to make your own? I admittedly don't do either currently, but I'd buy cards if I had an income. When was the last time you were being hypocritical? I don't know, but I know I can be without realizing just like everyone else. Where on your body was the last cramp you had? Why did you have this cramp? I almost exclusively cramp up in my lower left abdomen when I have my period. What is the weirdest name you’ve ever heard? One of my classmates in college was named Apple. Do you get embarrassed when people hear you sing/compliment you on your singing ability? If so, why is that? I get more shy than anything. I don't know why, I just do. Are you good at comforting people when they’re upset? I hope so. I sure try to be. Do you have any exercises you do everyday? No. .-. Do you own one of those singing fish? Do you think they are silly or funny? I don't, but I think they're pretty funny, mostly though because I just remember that video of one glitching horribly where it would get stuck and "sing" all slow and demonic, then it would snap back to normal. I love that video too much lmao. Has anyone ever accused you of being bipolar or any other mental disorder? Do you really have any mental disorders? "Accused" is the wrong word, I've just been professionally diagnosed. I have a lot of disorders. Did you buy the last thing you bought with your own money? If not, whose money did you buy it with? I paid for my tattoo. Do you like to put your feet up on the dashboards of cars? Do you parents yell at you if you do that in cars? I never do, never have, and never would. That shit would FUCK you up in a wreck. Don't take car safety lightly. Which Beatle is your favorite, or do you love them all equally? I don’t have a favorite, given I know none of them personally at all. Do you enjoy classic rock? If so, who are some of your favorite classic rock artists? Well duh. I love a hell of a lot, don't make me dig through my head to ensure I leave no one out, lol. Did you ever own a Tamagotchi? Yes. Are you more of a dog or cat person? Cat person. I see that more and more and more as time goes on. Dogs tend to just have too much energy for me. Not all, of course, but still. Have you ever failed math? I did in college. Skittles! What's your favorite color? Red. Have you ever had a dream of stabbing someone? I don't think so. But who the fuck knows with how fucked up my nightmares are. What would you want your last words to be if you could choose them? Just that I love my family. Can you sleep with the light on? It's possible for me to, but it's difficult. What’s the most bizarre horror movie you’ve ever seen? Hm, I dunno. What band can’t you stand listening to? I absolutely hate The Talking Heads. Would you ever take a lie detector test for your significant other? No, for two reasons: I don't believe they're accurate, and two, I'd be having an anxiety attack over whether or not my nerves would "show" something. What is your favorite Mystery/Crime/FBI related show? Uhhhh does Sherlock count? Jason and I used to watch that and I loved it. Would you ever have a bird as a pet? I think parrots specifically are super fascinating, but I wouldn't. I don't want any potentially noisy pets. How's your relationship between you and your grandparents? They're all dead. The only grandparent I really knew well was my maternal grandmother, and we had... a lot of differences. I don't think she liked me much, and she was WAY too old-fashioned, uptight, and mean to my mom for me to get along well with her. Ever had a forbidden love or lover? No. Have you ever had to speak at a funeral? No. Do you know someone who’s been cremated? Maybe? What is your current problem? I had a fucking dream that was stupid detailed that Jason and I got married and so today has been shit. I love motherfucking PTSD. Do you like canopy beds? Yeah, I wish I had one. What is your favorite animated movie? The Lion King. Would you rather live in a small town or a big city? Neither, really... I want to live in the woods/some area relatively isolated, but with just a few neighbors spotted around so I'm not TOTALLY alone. But to entertain the question, I guess I'd pick a small town. If you could summon any animal to come to your rescue, what animal would it be and why? A lion for its strength and speed. Have you ever watched The Golden Girls? I LOVE that show. That shit's got no right to be as funny as it is lmao. Did you ever like the Ninja Turtles? Nah, I never watched it. Last alcoholic drink you had? A REALLY strong margarita that I could barely drink because of the alcohol concentration. What are you known for? Probably liking meerkats way too much. Has anyone ever threatened you? Yes. Have you ever gone frog hunting? No, not exactly. However, whenever my dad and I went catfishing, I would always do a scan of the area for toads. You'd always find 'em. Do you ever suffer from dry skin? My skin, particularly my scalp, is STUPID dry. Gross to picture, but imagine having both a clinically dry scalp as well as dandruff. That's me. Do you still sleep with a stuffed animal? No, Roman would never allow me to cuddle something other than him, haha. What’s the weather like right this moment? It's cloudy out and 59*F. Do you bite on straws, lollipop handles, or ice cream sticks? No, that's always grossed me out. In what type of area was your first sexual encounter? Honestly, I don't remember, though I'm sure you'd assume I would, lol. Probably his bed because we were at his place more than mine, but idr. Where is your mother’s side of the family descended from? My maternal grandmother had German ancestry, while I think her husband's was mostly Irish. What do you occupy your time with on flights? I just listen to my iPod and look out the window. Do you dog-ear pages in books? Yes. What’s a made up word of yours? I don't have any. It's weird, I don't know why, but it's a pet peeve of mine when people just make up words like they actually mean something. Even though isn't that exactly how language came about? I dunno, it's weird. Do you use Q-Tips? Only on the exterior of my ears unless something is really bothering me interiorly. Frequent use of Q-Tips is how I got ear wax literally adhered to my eardrum that required medical attention. It just pushed the stuff further and further back. Ever gone out with somebody you didn’t like? Well, I can't honestly say I was very romantically interested in Tyler, but we still dated for like a week or two. I DID sort of like him in high school my freshman year, but this was SO many years later that it's not fair to say I "knew" him anymore. I kinda just agreed to go out because I felt bad saying no and also just figured that we'd re-familiarize with each other through dates, anyway. What hero or heroine do you most relate to in history, fiction, or song? I have no idea. What makes you dizzy? Just about everything, it seems. I have insanely low blood pressure due to some prescriptions that I HAVE to move slowly, especially when standing up, if I don't want to fall on my face. Are your parents liberal or conservative? I think my dad is more conservative, but Mom is maybe more liberal? I actually don't know. Do you like your teeth? Did you have braces? No, because I went through a span of taking horrible care of them during my worst depression that they now have a conspicuously yellow tint. I had braces before. Are you happy with your height? Sure?

[heididates]

Date.) CMB - LA Guy

We matched on CMB after Summer Fling but our timing was off. After connecting on the app and expressing wanting to meet me, he revealed he actually lives in LA and was just visiting NY. (During his short visit, he set his CMB profile to NYC with hopes of meeting girls here.) He continued to reach out even while back in LA and I went along with it initially. 

Our texting back and forth were getting lengthy and requiring more thought to reply or something would pique my interest which would elongate the conversations altogether. For having never met, our texting chemistry back and forth were fun, interesting, and he felt familiar like I was texting someone who I had already met. In the whirlwind of all the texting back and forth, I would catch myself wanting to text more and desiring more connection from him. The attention, the texting chemistry, it felt nice to connect with someone in some form even though it was all through text. With the amount of time and thought that was going into these texts, I started to doubt the value of texting a guy that's in LA. 

"What was the point? How could anything materialize from a long distance of texting a stranger?" 

After a week or so of the texting, I sent him a nice note of "thanks for connecting... I had fun connecting for a short while but this isn't going to go anywhere and best of luck in your dating endeavors." He shot back at me that he wasn't going to back down or have that it couldn't work out. I didn't see that coming but was moved by his persistence to keep whatever you called our texting connection we had going. So, I kept an open mind and line to continue our texting. 

As time went on from our initial connection, our texts were getting more sporadic and inconsistent. I forgot sometimes that we would text. There were times I forgot to text him back and I'm never a person who likes to miss out on replying back to texts as that is my biggest pet peeve. We never had to explicitly say it, but during this whole time of texting, I was seeing and connecting with other people and he was doing the same, and I think we both knew that the other person was doing that. 

After a few months into our texting, I came to terms that we would never meet and that all the texting would fizzle out one day and I just went along with the texting whenever they came. He would visit NY for another short trip and even then, timing wasn't good to us and another opportunity to meet missed. I would have been fine never meeting him and there was a part of me that secretly wished he would stay mysterious. My imagination based on whatever I knew of him from his texts, I etched him as a figure and personality that I genuinely liked and a small part of me wanted to keep whatever I've mentally drawn him as, untainted by the possibility of disappointment from the reality of offline him. 

Six months of texting back and forth, we actually met while he came to visit his family for Lunar New Year. I probably shouldn't have had four cocktails before meeting him, but I forgot he was coming to visit and I told him to not text me until he was in town, and it was all very last minute to decide to meet in person. It was relieving to finally put a physical face and physique to the personality and character I knew. In person, he was better than I imagined him to be in real life. He was so much better in real life. Meeting in person dispelled my questions of “Is this guy nuts, weird, or crazy to keep up connecting with me for so long and actually trying from afar?” It also dispelled the thought, "Is this guy just trying to get in my pants", as our date was kept short and quaint. His positive outlook on matters in texts is his demeanor and how he carries himself in person. He has the best winning smile and charming dimples to go along with it. While we were talking, being half-sloshed, I made a mental note while looking at his handsome face and without breaking the look that I wasn't listening to him, "Well it was nice to meet in person. Guess we'll never meet after this." Nothing happened to make me think that, but a natural thought that came to me. 

While saying our goodbye and not thinking about ever meeting him again, I tried to give him a warm goodbye hug, which within a split second, he gave me a quick peck on the lips that I wasn't ready for. My eyes were wide open and I probably had the most unflattering double-chin face that happens when my head tilts back into my neck. I could tell he was having fun registering my shocked face. Right before I hopped in a cab he squeezed in asking lets meet again in a few days to which I nodded without much thought of what I was nodding to. 

During our second date, it was very sobering and in broad daylight. I can't believe I was meeting him a second time, and I was confused what was happening or what was going on. I thought we were never going to meet after our first date but here I was meeting him again for a second date. It was fun talking and getting to know him being very sober. We laughed. We shared more of who we were. It was all fun but I couldn't shake the internal confusion of I thought this was all just going to be a meet and greet date to which it has turned into two dates and he was already talking about meeting for a third date. 

In the last minutes of our date, I mustered to ask him, "What are you looking for?" 

"For something serious...", he replied. 

He asked me the same to which I replied, "Something substantial." 

He had to fly back to LA after our date, so I walked him to Penn Station to go to Newark airport. It was quiet between us and I think I was confused and sad. I had so much to say and I was thinking so many things. I wanted him to stay so I could get to know him and I was sad that meeting in person was so great and has to abruptly be cut short. I wanted to say things without sounding over eager and but nothing ended up coming out. We kissed in front of Penn Station and it was awkward because I was very aware of our PDA and the mass crowd trying to get to Penn Station walking around us made the whole kissing part that much more awkward. As he was kissing goodbye, while me not being able to say anything, and probably could read that I was sad, he said, "I'm looking for something serious”, to which he followed with one last kiss of goodbye. 

We've picked up our texting back and forth again. Though I realized I don't think I can keep up and I asked to lessen the text. Even asking to lessen the text, we are still writing each other novels. 

Someone once told me to be careful who you let into your phone text because in a lot of ways texts is also a gateway to your heart. For the amount of connecting and texting we do, it does feel like a lot of investing of myself for something that is so far away, him still being a stranger in a lot of ways, and fighting to remember and keep the boundaries we aren't a "thing". I think I do catch myself, with the self-talk of, "Keep it casual Heidi", but if I'm honest, he's already wiggled into some small space in my heart and can have my undivided attention. I'm just waiting for him to say he wants that and more. We have talked about a 3rd date in Seattle, but that's still a while away. I will be thoroughly surprised if we make it to a 3rd date. In Seattle.