#my skills have failed me
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my little omens :]
#good omens#my little pony#aziraphale#crowley#aziracrow#ineffable husbands#myart#this was all birthed out of me trying to draw them but failing bc theyre complex old men and i have skill issue#so im like. ok. draw them as ponies instead i guess#also i forgot to give aziraphale nostrils oops#too late now
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Siffrin plays Disco Elysium AU: Featuring backseat gamer Loop.
#in stars and time#ISAT#Siffrin#Loop#disco elysium#digital art#When I first thought of a crossover I went from 1) 'ISAT Disco AU but Loop is all of the skills'#To: 2) 'Loop is in the mindspace alongside the skills#To my magnum opus: 3)'Loop is sitting next to Siffrin backseat gaming him the whole time.'#Loop beat Disco Elysium ages ago and repeated it to the point they know all the vision quests and dialogue variables.#Siffrin just started playing and Loop keeps ruining the fun by using their meta-game knowledge to try and help.#Also let's be real. Siffrin's stats are 100% completely focused into motorics and nothing else.#If we can't Savoir Faire ourselves of this situation - we will explode. Endurance? Call my insurance instead.#Thinking skills? None. Emotional intelligence and morale? A failed social interaction canonically feels like death to them.#I might have bumped Phys up but...Siffrin's Electrochem stat is like -10. And Pain Threshold is emotional durability too.#Unused part of this joke is that I set their signature skill to Drama.#Both these games made my brain melt so now I get to combine them! I have that power!#This joke made me laugh the entire 3 hours I sat down and drew it and that is what creation should be about.
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petty gripe but the bad-faith reading of Armand that most annoys me is when people say "the dick is mid". Ma'am. Madame. One thing a man with Armand's background will be left with, for better or worse, is knowing his way around a bedroom. You really think Louis would hang around an immortal theater kid polycule longer than five seconds for mid dick?? Like...people who are ultimately incompatible can still have a good time folding each other into origami
THANK YOU!!!! Armand didn't go through all of this shit to be bad in bed. Being undesirable or a bad lover is literally never a problem for him. In fact!! Most of his issues stem from people being unable to be normal about how into him they are.
Plus, real facts on Louis. If the sex was bad he wouldn't have been running around for a year n' a half calling Armand everything but his boyfriend. LDPDL has stuck through a lot of -ish, but putting up with boring sex is not one of them. If Loumand got absolutely nothing else out of their relationship, they were getting off
#char.txt#interview with the vampire#answered#anon you have freed me to talk about this because I find the joke so profondly unfunny i block people over it HA#did we not all hear ''amadeo had a skill'' like what did yall think he meant? close up magic???#people are fundamentally wrong about loumand's sex life and it makes my eye twitch so i try not to think about it <- failing
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i do not want to dig a hole but i am too much of a laura bailey pc enjoyer to not make this post so:
selfishness ≠ a lack of kindness
selfishness is a theme that has come up with all of laura's main campaign pcs. that doesn't mean that her characters are always making selfish choices or that they don't care about the rest of the people they're with or that they're not good. it's just that, for the most part, the first thing they're thinking of when they take action or make choices is themselves.
in jester and vex both it is more typical and obvious selfishness. vex's developed because she needed it to keep herself and vax alive and as safe as possible and it grew into a behaviour that she had to actively work to avoid. it's evident in her greed, her theft of the broom, her reaction to her own death which relied heavily on i'm okay/i survived to which keyleth reminded her that she wasn't the only one who had to witness and reckon with her death. in jester's case, she grew up in an environment that literally trained her to make every decision based on two things - her mother's opinion and her own. so, when she's out in the world without marion for the first time, her choices are those that will benefit her and her actions are those that consider her own thoughts and not really many others' (aside from the traveler's).
it isn't a criticism of either vex or jester to say that they are characters who act selfishly. in fact, i'd argue that to claim otherwise does a great disservice to exactly how immense both of their character arcs are. because the nuance of both jester and vex is that they are selfish, and they also hold extreme room for self-sacrifice and empathy. vex is much more brash than jester is, and jester is much more trusting than vex, but both of them are characters who begin with selfish impulses who grow with them. neither ever truly shed those impulses, but they use them in new ways, typically transforming them into impulses towards things that are in the best interest of the party.
you may have noticed the lack of imogen in this post about laura bailey pcs and that's because of two reasons. one, we are an unknown amount of time into her story, i can't analyse her development the same way i can vex and jester's. two, imogen's selfishness isn't the blatant quasi-self-aware selfishness that we see in things like jester complaining about her lack of money to caleb or vex stealing a broom. instead, imogen's is very internal, like a lot of laura's character work with imogen. it is a bit similar to jester’s in the sense that it comes from a lack of awareness moreso than vex’s practiced behaviour, but imogen’s is a lot more tied to inherent beliefs she has about the world and the people in it.
as a consequence of her powers, imogen sees people's thoughts as their entirety, she holds it above their actions to be the truth of who they are - to act against what they think or to say something that doesn’t cohere with what they’ve thought is akin to lying, so for her to act empathetically is to act in tandem with what someone else’s thoughts are, not how they act, which is typically not all that wanted. the same as vex’s greed and jester’s naivety, this is a trait that makes narrative sense and it’s one i find quite compelling, especially when read in the vein of someone struggling through trauma that has made them assume that the world is against them. imogen’s cynicism is coherent cynicism, i can’t say that in a similar situation i wouldn’t have the same predisposition towards the world.
the part that is particularly self-interested comes in if you look at how imogen has actually been treated in the campaign (quite well) in comparison to the cynicism that she’s developed from her past (something that speaks to a world out to get her). certainly, a bunch of shitty things have happened to imogen in the time we’ve known her, but the same can be said for everyone in bell’s hells and pretty much everyone in exandria at this point in time. but, in a fight to save the aforementioned world, imogen’s focus was getting her mother back on her side. which, while very consistent with her character and a choice that i enjoy, is a very selfish one. the fun thing (to me, obviously) about imogen is that she has, more than most, an insight into the opinions of others and she also tends to seek others’ opinions out and genuinely engages with them and supports their choices. but she still very much acts towards what she thinks is best. it’s one reason i enjoy looking at the dynamic between her and orym as one between foils, as orym tends to be stalwart in his beliefs and doesn’t care too much for other’s opinions if he’s already sure of his own, but his actions tend to favour collaboration and protecting others.
as i mentioned earlier, imogen is a harder case to look at because she is still in the process of her story. however, the circlet is clearly influencing how she interacts with the world and in the wake of the solstice, the hostile reaction towards ruidusborn people has started to become more and more apparent and i’m interested to see what route that ends up leading imogen down and how it will influence her relationship with the rest of bell’s hells. (for better, i think, based on recent conversations, but if it's for worse i will be just as seated and excited).
all of this is just to say, please stop assuming that claiming a character has a trait you think is a bad one is criticism or a hate post. in light of the fact that i know that people who don’t believe this will continue to not believe this, i’ll encourage anyone confused about the ability of a character to be good and kind and selfish all at once to look to what the text itself says, specifically scanlan’s words to pelor when asked what vex means to him:
“Her name is Vex, and she is greedy and mean sometimes, and she can steal a lot. She’s a little bit not the greatest person, but her flaws highlight everything that is right about her, which is she does all these things to protect her friends and her family. She would give her life for any of us and for anyone who was truly in need. And she’s not perfect but she’s the most perfect of all of us.”
would you look at that... an ability to be a multitude of things, some in conflict with one another. i know that's hard for fandoms to believe, especially about female characters with agency, but i promise its true!
#deeply unfair of laura to make three characters with some type of people skills and morality shaped by their loneliness#and what. i’m just supposed act like i’m normal about that?#this is me blog and i have slightly more time than usual to write nothing essays about fictional characters that haunt me#but dear god . lookin at cr characters and denying their flaws is like looking at a house and only seeing it’s doors .#if ppl demand perfection of fictional characters im genuinely curious in what media they’ve ever found that .#a single imogen post of mine broke containment and it skyrocketed my annoying phil student levels so. alas#but . if you agree that imogen had an incredibly isolating life . i will emphasize that isolation causes traits and behaviours#that aren’t just Quirky or fun or hot anger or whatever#imogen contains so much i love her so much i am bursting at the seams about it#but for some ppl. she is ur ‘girlfailure’ until someone suggests a way she might be girl failing by being selfinterested#what is the truth. do u want her to be an actual girlfailure it do u just want her to suit a . frankly tired. trope about lesbians#anyway . both text and tag rant over . goodnight#cr meta#imogen temult#vex’ahlia#vex’ahlia de rolo#jester lavorre#critical role#my posts
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something that I think the “have fun and be yourself” discourse tends to miss is that it’s all very well saying do whatever you want and don’t worry about what people think because the people who judge you aren’t worth your time, but sometimes you choose to act normal because you have a task to do or you’re in a conversation that you care about, and having to stop in the middle for your interlocutor to say bewilderedly “but why did you do that in such a quirky way” would be wasting time and getting off topic. choosing to act normal to avoid that is not being inauthentic out of unhealthy fear of censure. it’s just prudence.
#spoken like someone who didn’t get made fun of by my parents as a child? yeah guilty. I have anxiety but I don’t think people hate me#but babes….I love being normal. I love slipping in and out of situations without leaving any ripples.#it’s like being a spy.#and honestly it’s a way of showing respect to people—recognizing that their time and understanding is as important as your self-expression.#there’s a time and a place for being weird and funny and remarkable#there is also a time and a place for politely following the script#or using clear ordinary language#do you need to feel guilty if this is a skill you have been unable to develop? no of course not.#but it IS a skill and a healthy society (and healthy families) would encourage young people to develop it#the one-sided emphasis on being yourself has utterly failed to keep people from feeling anxious#it has to be balanced by a confidence that you know how to handle yourself in situations!#in which cate tells stories
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revamping my rendering process because I want to add more color and messiness into my work except I have no idea what I'm doing and twt is making me anxious SO! I'm putting my attempts here!!!
Here is tang because he is bbg💕
#Expect a lot of doodly colorful stuff in the upcoming days this has been bothering me for a while#If I can't fit every color of the rainbow into the shading/lighting somehow I have failed /hj#I dunno I'll get there eventually#On a side note starting with a sketch and just cleaning it up is WAY more fun than doing lineart found that out today#I kinda want to move more into paintery shading rather than cell shading but that's WAAAY out of my current skill set so we'll see#I love color I WILL get more color in my work even if it kills me ueueue#lego monkie kid#monkie kid#lmk#lmk tang#tang lego monkie kid#zaacoy art💫
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another day another fern and jermaine sketch dump whats upppp
#fern the human#fern mertens#jermaine the dog#my art#adventure time#its a hard life when u only love drawing two mildly unpopular characters who never interact in canon#but i do it for me and my dedicated fans.#nothing is better than looking at these two guys standing next to each other#rough... not a marketable fandom skill.#anyways do you guys think jermaine has good music taste?#i think him and bryce slowdance to vinyls sometimes and fern mimes gagging the corner in his chair#(he found himself a chair and dragged it in for when he didnt want to be touched)#fern is a guy who is often touch repulsed. you can tlel#oh also i found the art of ooo book. have you ever seen finn and jake?#pendelton ward knocked it out of the park on these guys. i wish i could smash them on the wall#i wish any adventure time merch really appealed to me but i think a lot of finn stuff fails to nail his side profile#hes built like a marshmallow#ok this is a lot of tags thanks if you read them#happy christmas
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Fantasizing about going no contact with my extended family, not because of abuse or anything but because they're annoying and I dislike feeling obligated to return even superficial pleasantries with them once a month
#tw self centered american culture or so I'm told#i think my parent tried to instill a value of unbreakable familial bonds but since they failed the prereq task re: social skills#i'm left trying to logic and ethics myself into forcing small talk with people I don't feel strongly about#who frankly shouldn't have strong feelings about me#personal
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I'm printing a bunch of copies of Climber(totallynotoptimus)'s design. My markers are ready, and that's how I'm gonna spend the afternoon! Wuhuuu!
#transformers#maccadam#steel rambles#maccadams#shitpost#task failed successfully#I don't even remember how I described him in the fic...#also yeah watch me print shit to avoid having to practice digital drawing#optimus prime#in my defense I'm practicing my markers-skills#that's another thing I always try to avoid 💀
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you are complaining about complaining too much while complaining about the fact that maybe people dont like you because you complain too much while complaining about being alone. just stop complaining and do something about it. talk to people. reach out. dont just wait for someone to come to you first.
i have tried reaching out to different people in the past year or so but it never works. i understand its my own fault for letting relationships decay because of my own insecurities and issues but that doesn't mean i can just will myself to think or believe different things about myself. it's a self fulfilling prophecy ; i think people don't like me so i don't reach out so people don't like me etc . i am sure you do not want to hear me list all the things i want to say in response so i will put them in the tags.
#every time i try to reach out or talk to someone it goes nowhere. i dont have any social skills anymore and have no clue how to keep a#conversation going. half the time even when i do people stop replying to me. which is fine theydont owe me a reply but still feels likeshit#when i tried to make one new irl friend it just didn't work because they have better options for friends. we spoke occasionally but never#messaged online like ever and would only talk when we happened to be in the same place. i tried multiple times to organize a time to hangou#none of which came to pass. i dont understand why this one didn't work because i thought this person was interested in being my friend but#i guess i was wrong or thought they were more interested than they really were.#i have a problem with reaching out anyway which has been a problem i have had since i was like 11. reaching out to people first doesnt come#easily to me - in the beginning when i was a lot younger i didn't want to bother people with my presence & thought if i were to come to#someone first they would feel pressured into talking to me when they didn't want to. this is stupid of course. but has still not left me as#something i feel is very core to the way i act today. waiting for someone to come to me first feels like my only option because i do not#know how to reach out effectively (my evidence being i have failed every time i have tried) & i am convinced people dont like me in the#first place and do not want me to approach them.#i dont really even know who to reach out to in the first place. my world is extremely narrow. the number of people i know has shrunk#significantly and my standing in their eyes collectively has also shrunk significantly in the past few years. i feel like every person i#was once friends with wants nothing to do with me. i feel as if i have burned every bridge possible.#when it comes to the fact i complain all the time . which i know of course is annoying. its because i cant find any kind of joy in anything#i do or see or whatever. nothing makes me happy - i only see things to complain about. all stimulus seems grating and the world seems#specifically catered to make me miserable. all i can really do is complain. i treat this blog like a stream of consciousness and when most#of that consciousness is occupied with how much i hate being alive the blog will mostly be complaining. its a vicious cycle lol .#anyway . i guess the key theme is low self esteem begets low self esteem in many ways. mental illness begets mental illness.#i am not really saying this to anyone least of all to you anon. i just felt compelled to recount i guess for myself the reasons that came#to mind for why i am like this. i am talking to myself here
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i have a few more planned playthroughs of bg3 i wanna do before i think i'll be burned out
currently playing: resist durge OoA paladin romancing astarion
future planned playthroughs:
full send durge war cleric or dragon sorcerer romancing minthara
cleric of selune romancing shadowheart
literally anyone with halsin. anyone. i do not care i need 2 kiss that man or i will die i think
honor mode 🫡
#personal#i have no idea what i'm going to do for honor mode#tactician mode isn't hard but my RNG is so bad it feels like it is#like i can three turn mykrul in tactician but i'll turn around and get absolutely rolled by ambushing githyanki#or during RP skill checks i'll ALWAYS. WITHOUT FAIL. ROLL BELOW A 10 ON THE DICE.#to put it into perspective even if i can't fail the roll unless i roll a critical fail#i always roll a 1#it's bad out here folks........#i'm a statistical anomaly#which is why i think honor mode is going to kill me dead
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I really wish I could draw. I don't want to have to learn; I don't have time with all the other shit I want/have to do in my life and I'm too damned impatient to sit through hour after gruelling hour of only being able to produce absolute garbage that looks nothing like how I was hoping. I just want to be able to draw the characters I have in my head.
Alas, it is a skill that has to be learned, like everything else. Goddammit.
#chough chatterings#i have long made peace with the fact i will never be able to draw unless i make a concentrated effort#alas i am currently putting all my concentrated efforts into learning japanese atm and i'm also failing at that#i wish i was naturally good at something honestly#i have so many things i like doing and so many things i want to do and none of the patience to level up my skills in any of them#i feel like even when i put my mind to it. even when i try my best. i still suck compared to everyone else#the only reason i'm better at some things than the average person is because i've put in SO much effort#and if you compare me to other people who've put in that much effort i'm always so far behind them#anyway. that's enough oversharing/ranting in the tags
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@forduary week 3: Insomnia
College hitting me like
#gravity falls#stanford pines#forduary#gravity falls fanart#Fanart#TFW you have a specifc pose in mind#but you lack the skills to pull it off and you have to improvise#btw SUPRIIIISE!#I AM BACK!#Kind of#yeah i'm a little less under pressure#even though i failed my exam#but it's okay! i can always recover!#even though it slows me down big time#and i am still trying to sell my old tablet oops!
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Things I think about all the time regarding Peter B is how a lot of his movement feels almost like laziness but it's actually just an absurd amount of skill and experience. he's been doing this longer than anyone else there, so he knows how that villain speech is going to play out, doesn't look when he fires a web because he knows exactly where it's going to land, and he's absolutely able to predict where Miles is going to go and catch up to him when no one else can. because peter b has been at this longer than everyone else there and it's literally second nature to him. give me more middle aged experienced superheros please.
#:v#I get that he's the comic relief but also I'm on my hands and knees begging#let me see him use his skill again 🙏#peter b parker#atsv#two things that kill me:#one: peterb is so fucking good at predicting shit#genuinely a genius right#he absolutely did not see Miguel hurting miles as a possiblity he was shocked#two: he spends that whole fucking fight telling Miguel to go easy on miles#and cheering miles.#okay three things actually#the little smile miles gives peter when Peter says ''he did have a plan!'' so cute.#give me my useless pathetic older brother with his cool dorky younger brother dynamic back please#wait four things actually#Miguel and Gwen were both surprised when Pete showed up#he was not in the plan when it came to talking to Miles#the had talked about miles being an anomaly right! and Miguel was confused and frustrated when Peter showed up#PETER WASNT THERE TO LET MILES DOWN EASY#AT LEAST NOT BY DESIGN#MIGUEL HADN'T ASKED HIM TO BE THERE MIGUEL HADN'T WANTED HIM THERE#peter being there wasn't a ploy to manipulate miles it was peter genuinely trying to help miles#and failing of course#my perfect failson idiot boy dilf 🫶🫶
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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BTAS Batman feels like a normal human who's really trained and skilled and manages to pull off amazing feats
Comics Batman just feels like a superpowered human
#my dc posting#btas#batman#the moment 2 big guys with weapons stop being actual threats is the moment he's no longer realistically human to me#like it doesn't matter how skilled or trained you are. a guy w a weapon is always a threat!!#yes it's fiction this isn't an actual complaint#but the point is when BTAS batman succeeds and does something impressive i go wow! amazing! just a regular human w lots of training#doing cool fucking shit!#but when i see any otherbatman do anything ever i just go -_- bc he's not actually limited in any way or grounded in real human capabilitie#this is why i enjoy the action of BTAS so much bc it actually makes me ROOT for the hero#bc he CAN fail and get captured and all that and it doesn't feel unrealistic and when he gets out of it i actually feel#excited abt it yknow??#is it a crime to wanna watch something that actually manages to make you root for the hero instead of just sitting there like this -_- cus#y'know he's gonna succeed anyway and whatever Amazing Super Cool Shit he pulls off doesn't actually feel all that#...kinda reminds me of doctor who when it's done right#like idc how much i get told abt Wow he's just a non-powered human pulling off all these amazing things! he's just so strong and smart!#when there's nothing abt him that makes me actually believe these are normal non-powered human things#like i'm not gonna cheer when a superpowered guy can fly. they have superpowers. and batman FEELS like that no matter what i'm told by word#idk honestly i'm just complaining at this point. but i like doing that especially abt something so low-stakes as this so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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