#my sibling told me it's not worth it though soooo

[daikilledtheb]

🍁I LOVE HIS VIBES TEN OUT OF TEN🍁

[tetrisfinished]

i'm going to brag a little

because i'm finding more and more that i'm a pretty fucking resilient person. and i can pull myself out of my anger.

and that's worth bragging about.

also, here's the thing about life....it goes on. i'm not going to pretend that i made up that saying - it's a VERY famous saying by robert frost.

how it's relevant to me is that....i have now experienced twice (2 months the first time and 1 month this time) how it feels to have yasir fuck off and leave esa and i alone.

and frankly it's not even just those 2 incidents.

there are soooo many incidents where i've experienced yasir explaining in plain daylight the truth about how much he truly values me originally and now both esa and i.

the first situation was when we weren't even married yet. it was before we got married and i asked him to apply for a student visa which he did, and it got rejected. the day he found that out, he blocked me for the whole day and when he was still angry with me he said "you're the reason i will never be able to come to canada!".

that was my number 1 clear-as-day sign that i should not have been with a man who's main purpose was to come to canada with me. he never really even liked me, i'm almost sure of it at this point. i think he's a very intelligent man. he knew he had to get married and he knew he wanted to come abroad. so he liked me and i was...a canadian passport to him.

i won't discredit the times i did feel loved by him by saying that's ALL i ever was to him. but it was a MAJOR part of it. and i can't even deny it because even if he was head over heels for me - it still would have been a major factor for him.

in any case, that was the first step. then came the living together mini angers and hurts. all the times he made excuses and nakhray and refused to come with my to my family's things or my friends' things or my family friends' things. he never really cared for me enough to actually participate in my life with me. i remember the fights we used to have where i used to say "okay fine, if you won't come to my stuff, i won't come to yours!" to which he would respond "okay don't".

or the excuses of "well my stuff is my actual family and siblings, your stuff is just your friends" and other crap.

then came the living with his sister crap. because he couldn't handle living at my parents' place so we moved to his sisters' place. in his case i will say though that my parents live in a very rural area and he came to canada in the dead of winter and of course he ended up wanting to be with his sister where she lived in the subarb but with transit etc.

after living there with his sister for a few months, then came the transition to trying to find a home for ourselves. he had by then gotten a job (night shift) and decided that just because he worked all night that all day long he would do nothing else except sleep. so when we were collectively told that we need to head out and find out own accommodations because my SiL had her own in laws coming to visit with them, i was the only one who ever did any house hunting. and when i found a place, of course he refused to even see it or come with me to the majority of the showings. and the ones that he did come with me to he was completely 100% critical about without having put in any single morsel of effort in securing the showings in the first place.

in any case, i found the place and we moved. then of course came the silisilay of eids. he refused to compromise that eid would be done together and split between my family and his and this continues to this day. i mean at this point where i'm sitting today, i am of course almost certain that i will no longer be attending eid at his family's at all. but at that time, newly married i was unwilling to disrespect him and by extension his family but even then he had no problem not showing up for me or my family.

he had no problem and he wouldn't blink twice about it.

so then of course i started looking for a place to move to - a home. that was a goal of mine...of ours, i thought, to have a house to call our own and move off renting.

but again, he was not interested, never showed any commitment and then never actually participated in house hunting. when i got the place i wanted and put in an offer, all the while yasir was quietly and completely uninvolved -- though NEVER for a lack of my trying.

and then he got pissed. when the offer went through, when it was all accepted, he got angry with me and ran away to his sisters' place.

we had to have a mediated discussion with both sides of the family until finally he decided he would live with this decision that i've made all by myself without any input from him - WHICH AGAIN, WAS NOT BECAUSE OF LACK OF ME ASKING OR BEGGING HIM TO BE INVOLVED.

but such is life, he gaslit me into believing it was my fault and i might have even believed it.

time moved on, i became pregnant. we had our kid and i stayed with my parents for a little while. he would come on the weekends. but i remember crying and begging and yelling and screaming over the phone for him to come during the week. i remember being desperate. but he wouldn't come.

he would only come on the weekends.

he still remembers that time during the thick of covid living alone as one of the best stretch of times of his life. he would stay up late playing video games with his nephew in pakistan. he would sleep in late. he would go out and do uber eats which at the time was suuuper in demand (because covid, you know) and then come home and again repeat the video games.

and he wouldn't come. even though i begged and cried. even though it was my car sitting in my driveway back at my house but he would refuse to come except on the weekends.

what was his reasoning? "it doesn't make sense". he was earning a fair bit with uber eats and he was having the time of his life with his nephew staying up all night playing video games. why would he come to his brand new child and post partum wife? why would he understand or try to understand or pretend to understand.

then of course the same shit continued - as long as we had one car, every time he needed to go somewhere or be somewhere, he would get the car because of course why not? why would i with my kid need the car ever? why would my need ever trump his?

when his family visited his sister in richmond hill, i remember he left esa and i for a week alone at home without a car. while i was working and esa was at daycare. that week i ran out of diapers and i didn't have a car. and it was winter months.

but he didn't have a care in the world. just because i said "okay, no problem, it's your family" he was okay. he didn't miss his kid. he didn't pretend to feel bad about leaving us. nothing. he showed me exactly where he would spend his time and his effort and it was not with us.

finally i pushed him and pushed him as our circumstances changed and his income increased to go buy a car for himself. buy his first ever car in his whole life (he rode a motorcycle in pakistan). i had to drag him fighting tooth and nail because he still refused to see the need for a second vehicle when he would easily up and leave esa and i in our only car.

down to the literal day that we went to pick up his car after he'd placed the order, as we were turning in to the dealership he turned to me and said "you know, i'm really only doing this because you said so - we don't need a car".

which of course made me angry and i let out some of my anger. but i got past it because i was so happy in his happiness for having purchased a car. because of course, he was happy about it. of course he was.

and despite that i was still happy afterwards, i was gaslit into believing that i ruined a perfectly good moment and milestone in his life with my anger.

lol

time moved on and now his obsession became his car. even the tiniest scratch or anything on that stupid piece of metal angered him. even if it was a spill that our TODDLER SON did, he would be angry. and then he would become angry that i wasn't hurt by it. he would accuse me - he still does to this day - that i was ruining his car on purpose. that the spills and stuff that happen in his car make me happy because i am a spiteful person.

l o l o l o l o l o l

i forgot to mention, prior to the second car fiasco, i had just purchased a brand new car. and within less than a year of driving it, yasir got into a collision in it and it was totalled.

i never once blamed him. i never once let my anger out towards him. and i guess that was largely in part because i wasn't angry. when my mom told me about the accident (it happened this way because yasir had to call her since i was in the shower at the time), i was just scared. was yasir okay? was he hurt? did he sustain any injuries?

of course, i felt sadness that my own first ever car purchase of my life had to end this way, but i never felt anger. because...I don't know i'm an adult. or a rational human being. shit happens....

anyway, so that's about where we are now. and the latest along with the tiny little things and the small things is that he's sort of made an annual trip to pakistan a tradiiton. he left from december 2023, returning end of january 2024. then he left all of december 2024 again to pakistan to visit his family.

and as soon as he returned, his other family came visiting from the states so he's basically been away for the past couple of weeks with them. this was the first time that i have not met with any of his family when they come visit, save for when i went to pick him up at the airport.

i mean, i blame them 100% because they have no problem condoning his behaviours and certainly i've seen and heard them encourage it. but ultimately, what relationship can i sustain with yasir's family if my relationship with yasir himself is so deeply wounded and broken?

none.

ALL OF THIS to say that....while i was living through each one of these events and the HUNDREDS more i haven't even mentioned here....it felt like the world was ending. when he first came to canada and refused to go places with me at the very last minute, i used to get so anxious and stressed and like "what would i say to them", "what excuse can i make?", "how can he not understand how rude this is". but eventually i got over it. and despite that everyone still asks "where is he?", "why didn't he come?", questions....i'm over that too.

things that used to feel like the end of the world are now commonplace.

and while i'm SEVERELY disappointed in myself that it took me this long to accept (going into our 8th year of marriage), i can at least say that i've lived through it all.

and frankly, i think the thing that's giving me strength to get through the most devestating part of it all is esa.

what is the most devestating part of it all? seeing esa go through the motions of having to understand and come to terms with that esa is not his father's top priority under basically ANY circumstance. and yet, esa keeps going. he keeps being happy, he keeps moving forwards, he keeps living. and you might say (and i would agree) that it's because he might not truly understand it yet at the ripe young age of 4 years old. but on a deeper level, i think he understands better than even me sometimes what he's experiencing. what's taken him much less than his 4 years of life to understand has taken me approximately 8 whole years.

so that's the source of my strength. i am determined to be happy with my son. with my amazing, kind, fucking intelligent beyond his years, considerate, respectful son.

my son who i hope to instill the appropriate priorities and investment of his time in. my son who i hope genuinely looks at his father to understand that that is the experience that should NOT be imparted from a father to his son or a husband to his wife.

my son who maybe will have to suffer the worst of the hurt between his parents but who....must live on. because nothing lasts forever.

but for my son's sake...i must be happy with me and my life. and for my son's sake i am trying.

so here's to new years, new beginnings, resolving to be a certain way and then just....being.

much love,

k

[archipelagolago]

good things but personal so hiding in the tags

[phoenixblack89]

Secret Crushes

My second one shot is pure filth. Gotta warn ya. Might make a sequel... Dunno... But the lovely Travis is getting one next.... Then that amazing bad boy Mac.

@lilythemadqueen @fandomsaremykryponite enjoy sweeties!

Warning: Pure smut. Feels. Arsehole sibling. Underage drinking.

Fuck knows how many words this is cos ain't got a clue.

Edit: I've fixed the fucking errors I saw and added some to it. And got the read more to work! Yus! Enjoy sweetums

PART 2 Part 3

The party was in full swing and you hated it. Why your older sister had insisted on throwing a wild party while your parents were away was beyond your understanding. Must be a cool girl thing you thought as you wandered down the stairs to grab a bottle of water from the fridge. The house was packed to bursting with her friends and their friends. Hell, you're sure some of the teenagers weren't even from your town, not recognising the vast majority. Word of mouth had turned it from a small party for her classmates into a full on rave.

Sighing you pushed your way through to the kitchen your mother would no doubt be dismayed at seeing at the moment. Your mother was somewhat house proud and the kitchen was her pride and joy. Never ever letting dishes pile up in the sink, the shiny chrome polished within an inch of its life. You secretly couldn't wait for the fallout in the morning when they got back and saw the spilled alcohol, cigarette butt's and various other less savoury things spread from the party. Your sister was in soooo much trouble.

"Watch it fat bitch!"

You grit your teeth at the oh so creative insult as you shoved the jerk away from you. He glared down at you from his 6 foot height.

"What's an ugly fuck like ye even doing here?"

"I live here arsehole." You spat back, shouldering your way past and out the back door. Taking a deep breath you wandered the gravel path down to your secret escape at the bottom of the garden, hoping no one had tried to get in. Smiling as the old barn came into sight you felt the tension ease. As you neared you slowed, hearing two distinct and familiar voices. Your mouth suddenly felt drier as your heart pounded.

"Oh Connor!" Your sister moaned and you froze. 

She wouldn't... Would she? 

She knew you had a somewhat strong crush on the elder MacManus brother. His blue eyes and kind smile making butterflies in your stomach every time you saw him. Tears sprang to your eyes at her betrayal and you hurried your steps past the barn, hearing her shriek in shock. Connor and her eyes following you as you stormed past.

"Sis!"

"Fuck off Sara! Get back to the party!" You called after her, as you broke the treeline at the edge of the property. Tears fell slowly and silently as you pulled out a crumpled and almost empty packet of cigarettes. You slipped suddenly and fell head first down the bank to the stream running at the bottom of the hill. A shriek escaped as you braced for the very cold and surely sudden dip. You stopped quickly and waited for the impact against the icy water but it didn't come. Opening one eye you realised you were being held up by a pair of strong arms. A deep breath of relief came from you as the arms set you down on the ground gently.

"Ye alright?"

Your head turned and you gave a weak smile. Murphy's eyes were lined in pink hues, almost as if he, himself, had been crying like you.

"Could ask you the same."

"Aye... Just... Connor ye know."

"Yea... Sara."

He bit his lip and offered you a cigarette. You took it and shuffled to sit beside him. You both smoked and cried silently together. Both content to not mention the fact you were crying to the other, taking the comfort from each others pain and not judging.

"Older siblings, am I right?" You tried to joke, wiping at your eyes. "They sure know how to hit a sore spot."

"Connor's younger than me." Murphy laughed, wiping at his own cheeks. You smiled weakly and shrugged.

"Here's me thinking ya were twins."

"Aye... But I'm older. Fuckin' bastard knew I liked her as well." He sighed and ran his hand through his shaggy dark hair. You nodded and flicked your cigarette into the water, watching silently as it floated away.

"Yea... My sister she... Erm... She knew I liked Connor. Well... Was..... Damn... That I had a bit of a crush on him... Sorry."

"Yea? Bitch. Ain't a good sister doing that when she knew ye liked him" Murphy said, wrapping his arm around your bare shoulders at the shiver that ran you with the cold. He smiled as you wrapped yours around his lower back. "What a pair we make, eh? Our siblings are over there fuckin' like rabbits and here we are wishing it was us instead"

"Nah. We know better... Sara is just a bitch and Connor... He'll soon learn she's one too."

"Yea? What about you? Don't think I caught ya name lass?"

"Y/N. Everyone called me other things though." You gulped, biting your lip and giving a shaky sigh.

"Oh aye? What's that then?" He smirked at you, thinking it was some cute nickname.

"Mostly fatty, bitch, ugly... I'm not pretty or slim like Sara and I get why Connor would see her before me. She's everything I'm not."

"I... I don't... You are pretty. And so what if ye not some skinny bitch... I like ye and any one who can't see how amazing ye fuckin' are don't deserve ye time." He smiled sweetly down at you, his fingers grazing under your chin to make you look at him as you ducked your head.

"Thanks. But that's not true."

"Course it is! I say it is! And I always, always tell t' truth." He smirked, puffing out his chest. You giggled and shook your head. You leaned your head against his shoulder and sighed.

"I just wish someone would see me for me... And not what they always see. Fat ugly little bitch... Wish he'd of seen me..."

"He ain't worth ye time."

"She's not worth yours..."

"Aye. I see that now." He shuffled down to lay on his back, pulling you with him and smiled.

You lay in quiet contemplation for a while, the distant sounds of creaking wood and stifled moans making both your hearts ache.

"We should go get a drink! Drown our sorrows." You suggest, despite being not keen on alcohol. Murphy laughs and sits up, reaching into the pocket of his coat and pulling out one of your dad's whiskey bottles.

"Damn. Read my mind lass." He smiled and opened the bottle, gulping it down without a grimace before handing it to you. You choked down a mouthful and smacked his chest lightly as he snorted at you.

"I'm not a big drinker like you MacManus!"

He smirked and leaned over you so your faces were mere inches apart, a smirk curving the right side of his lips upwards.

"Aye... What else ain't ye big on then?"

"What?! What the fuck does that mean?" You feel your cheeks burning in embarrassing red.

"Well... I'm here and ye here.... Thought we could forget our sorrows another way... If ye up fer it?"

"You mean... In.... What way? I mean... I... Fuck" 

You sound like a fucking fool, stumbling over your words as his hand draws patterns along your waist slowly. Biting his lip he closes the distance between you and his lips meet yours. It's different to how you imagined your first kiss to be. You always imagined it to be a burning passionate, uncontrolled thing but this was soft, unurgent and gentle, sending a thrill of something to your core.

"How old are ye anyway, lass?" He asked, pulling away suddenly. You bit your lip and avoided his eyes until his finger brought your face to his once more. "I don't wanna get in trouble..."

"I just turned 18... You?"

"19... You... Have ye ever done this before?" His blue eyes searched yours for a moment before he sighed.

"No... But... I... I... Want to... If... If you want to leave you can. I won't stop you. I get most guys don't want someone so inexperienced."

Murphy glanced around for a moment, seeming to decide on the right course of action before slugged his long leather jacket off and laying on the ground beside you. He nudged his head to the side, your eyebrows creasing in confusion. He gave a smile and a chuckle before lifting your hips and sliding you on top of his jacket. His lips find yours again as soon as you shift yourself over on to his jacket fully and you wrap your arms around his neck. Gasping slightly as his hand drifts under your shirt and traces along your ribs. Pulling back slightly you take in his eyes, now darken with needful desire. He kisses your cheek softly and runs his palm upwards slowly and bits his lip, his white teeth shining brightly against their rose hue.

He licks his bottom lip as he tugs your shirt upwards and lowers his head to kiss along your stomach, you squirm in embarrassment. You hate the extra fat that gathered along your stomach and hips. His head raised to your face and he sighed.

"Ye beautiful lass. Every single inch..."

"Don't... I know its not true." You reply, tears coming to your eyes again in frustration. Anger at yourself for the lack of control you have over your own eating habits. You comfort ate, it was a habit nothing seemed to break you of. Murphy kissed you gently again and gazed down into Y/E/C eyes softly. His thumb running along your cheek softly.

"Told ye. Always tell t' truth. Believe me... Ye beautiful... Absolutely... Beautiful." He whispered between giving you soft kisses along you jawline and down your neck. You moaned as he kissed a sensitive spot. He smirked against your skin and focused on that one spot, sucking, licking and grazing it with his teeth. His hand reached under your shirt and stroked gently over the chubby plains of your torso to your chest.

A sharp gasp released from your mouth as his fingers ran along the edge of the unattractive sports bra you wore. Smirking against your collarbone he slipped his fingers inside and tweaked your nipple. A flood of arousal dropped into your panties and you moaned, arching upwards into his touch.

"Ye like that lass? Feel good, aye?"

You nodded and pulled his lips to yours. He groaned, your hips bucking upwards into his at the sensations he was causing to rush through you.

He pulled away and leaned back onto his knees, his hand running down your body to your covered core. He licked his lips and glanced at you as he ran a finger along your jeans button. Nodding at him, he smiled and flicked it open before dragging the zipper down slowly. His hands slipped inside and tugged them down over your hips as you bit your lip in nervousness.

You sat up slightly and reached for his belt, eyes boring into his blue ones as you pulled his belt from his jeans, tossing it to the side carelessly and reaching for the waistband. Shuffling slightly he helped you ease them down over his hips before laying you both down again. Only your underwear separating the heat of your bodies as he kissed you passionately, his hips rocking slowly into yours. Your hands found their way into his hair and tugged slightly as you both began panting at the friction of your hips. Your underwear was damp with your slick.

"Are ye sure ye want this lass?" Murphy panted into your mouth as his hand reached between you to cup your wet core, rubbing it hard causing you to gasp and squirm under him to get more pressure, more friction, more... Something, you didn't know.

"Please... Murphy..."

"I got ye lass." He whispered as his finger reaching under the elastic of your plain cotton underwear and ran through the folds of your dripping core. His fingers slid into you as his thumb found the bundle of nerves at the centre of your thighs. Rubbing his thumb in smooth, lazy circles he kissed against the spot he'd sucked a dark mark onto on your neck. His pants and moans echoing loudly in your ear as his fingers thrust in and out of you in time of his circling thumb. Your heart sped up and pounded against your ribs as a totally new sensation began building in your gut. "Cum fer me beautiful."

It felt like something inside had snapped and your body tensed all over, your legs shaking around Murphy's strong arm, your breath caught in your throat and as sudden as it began, it ended and you felt yourself more relaxed than you could ever remember being before. 

"Good girl."

"Fuck... Murphy..."

He raised his head and smiled cockily down at you. He bought his hand out of your underwear and raised it to his mouth. You could see the glint of your moisture coating his long, graceful fingers in the weak starlight as he began to lick and suck his fingers clean. Your jaw​ fell open at that sight. You had heard of people doing it but to see someone do that, and with your juices no less, caused a rush of shame and desire to course through you.

His face lowered to yours once more and he smirked against your ear.

"Maybe next time... I'll lick this delicious pussy out..."

"Murphy..." You gasped, feeling slick pooling once more.

"Aye lass?"

"Please..."

He kissed you once more, hands finding the waistband of your underwear and gently lowering them down and gazing down at your core. Your legs closed in shame as your cheeks heated. He chuckled and pushed them apart again and studied you intensely.

"Fuckin' perfection."

He reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out his wallet, fishing out a condom and ripping it open with his teeth. His eyes found yours as he shuffled out of his boxers and grasped his hard thick cock in one hand, pumping it up and down for several moments, his eyes never leaving the sight of your bared core. He rolled the condom down his cock and leaned over you once more.

"Are ye absolutely sure beautiful?"

"I'm sure Murphy." Your voice replied, an edge of nervousness obvious in the way your voice sounded so quiet and wavered slightly. He smiled and kissed you, his tongue slipping into your mouth as you felt his cock brush against your mound as he positioned himself between your thighs.

His tip ran along your slit as he guided it and you gasped at the foreign feeling. His eyes held yours as he slowly pushed into you. A sharp cry of pain came from you and your body tensed under him. He reached for your hand, which was clawing at the fabric of his coat and grasped it in his own. Holding himself still and steady until you adjusted. You nodded slightly as his lips ran along your cheek, kissing away the tears that had slipped from your eyes. His cock inched slowly deeper into your unexplored pussy and he paused again to look you in the eye, making sure you were okay with each slow thrust.

"Ye alright?"

"Hmmhummm." You replied, gritting your teeth as you felt the burning grow sharper as he inched forward more. He gave a groan and shook with restraint. His heart was pounding in his ears at the feeling of your tight cunt squeezing his cock. He had never been with a virgin and but knew from Connor's numerous boasts that they felt tighter than anything else. He was by no means a virgin himself and was determined to make this a pleasurable experience for you. 

Even if it killed him.

He gave a loud moan as he finally bottomed out inside you and kissed you passionately allowing you a moment or two of adjustment. You ran your fingers through his hair over and over as your tongues battled. You felt his cock twitch deep inside you and gasped into his mouth as his thumb once more began circling your clit.

"Murphy please..." You moaned, twitching your hips to encourage him to begin moving. His thrusts were slow and steady against you, taking his time to build until you both were absolutely sure you felt no pain anymore. His hand held one of your thighs around his hip and the other circling your clit, pleasure building slowly for the both of you. Sweet kisses left against each others necks as he began thrusting a little faster with each thrust.

Your back ached up to his chest as he hit a spot inside you that made you feel a sharp jolt of pure bliss.

"Ohhh... Fuckkkk.... Murphy..." You gasped into his mouth as he began aiming for that spot over and over, increasing his circling thumb's speed and pressure. Your toes curled in your boots as you suddenly were blinded by white light and your orgasm ripped through you. A loud shriek of unadulterated pleasure ripped from your throat. Murphy smirked and thrust harder, chasing his own release now he'd made you have a chance to cum over his cock. The walls of your pussy fluttering around his cock and your clit twitching under his thumb. His hair hung around his face in sweat soaked strands and you brushed them away to kiss him, still shaking in post orgasmic bliss. His body tensed against yours and he came, a guttural moan echoing loudly around you. His breaths coming sharp against your neck as he slumped over you and gave a little huff of pleasure.

"Fuck lass. I've never had one like that before."

"Huh... Guess that means it was okay?" You panted, suddenly nervous again. Would he feel satisfied? Did he really enjoy it? Was it good? Were you good?

He pushed himself onto his elbows and kissed you deeply, fucking your mouth with his tongue.

"Beautiful, I ain't ever lettin' ye go! Not after that."

You smiled as you kissed again with a laugh.

"MURPH! WHERE ARE YE?!"

You both froze and looked at each other. Murphy quickly pulled his cock from you, grimacing at the slight splattering of blood on the condom as he pulled it off and pulled his boxers and jeans on as you, too quickly dressed once more. Footsteps and the sounds of snapping twigs coming closer.

"Murph?!"

"Aye! I'm 'ere!" He yelled back as you stood and dusted down his jacket, handing it to him so he could swing it back onto his body. He grabbed your face and planted a sweet kiss on your lips quickly and smoothed down your hair as he gave your cheek a sweet kiss.

"There ye are! Oh..."

Connor paused and glanced between you two with an eyebrow raised.

"What’s going on here then, Murph?" He smirked. Murphy pushed his brother back in the direction of the house.

"I was helping her. She seemed upset. Dunno why though." He glanced over his shoulder at you and winked cheekily. "Kid needed a shoulder t' cry on. That's all."

"That right... Well come on. We best get home before Ma sends t' alarm out. Ye know how Uncle Silas is."

"Aye."

The brothers walked away and you followed slowly, Murphy glancing back over his shoulder at you with a happy but shy smile ghosting his face every now and then. Connor waved goodbye at the door to Sara and blew her a kiss in return to the one she'd blown and you rolled your eyes at the pair. Sara tried to grab your arm as you passed and you shrugged her off, rushing upstairs to your room and locking the door. You went to the window and watched as the twins walked down the drive.

Murphy paused before he left the gate, looked up and smiled widely at you and raised his hand. The streetlight lit his face up and you smiled, giving a small laugh as Connor shoved him ahead with a laugh and a glance upwards. You ducked away from the window quickly and lay on your bed, a ridiculously wide smile bracing your own face as you bit your lip and gave a small laugh.

Maybe tomorrow at school wouldn't be so bad. Not now you had a secret thing going on the darker haired MacManus.

[fairygal11]

Anyone wanna role play Monkie Kid Show with me please?

Hey there does anyone wanna role play the Monkie Kid show with me? :3 It takes place after episode 10/Revenge of the Spider Queen special. I even got a neat oc too :) 

My OC Is Jia Li she is a teenager around MK and Mei's age.  She is a fox spirit. She can turn into a human, but she can't hide her ears or tail (Though she has 9 nails, but one is only shown. 9 tails when in her true fox form.) so she wears a hat to cover her ears and her tail is the only thing that sticks out-although if discovered on tail and ears she will lie that it is cosplay. She's a teen and is quite powerful, but she keeps her powers to herself for she doesn't want to be the center of attention or cause any harm or mischief to those around her. She wants to carve her own path than the ones her family has forged with their history of tricks and wickedness. She is afraid that people will not like her or resent her for being a fox spirit, all she wants is to be treated normally and like any other person. Most of all she wants to find a place of belonging while learning to hone her skills and learning to control her "other self"-She wears a Sealing Bracelet to keep her other self under check-mostly because for a fox spirit like her she rejects her mischief side and doesn't want to do bad stuff. If the bracelet is ever removed or she realizes it is gone, it will alert her other self and her other self takes over in the name of Rei. When this happens her pink/white tail and ears turns red/black to indicate Rei's arrival and her eyes change from pink to red.

she is friends with MK and Mei along with the crew. :3 Course the first episode in the game introduces her coming to THE CITY to start a new life-she comically runs into MK when he is on a noodle delivery run and neearly crashes her but turns and crashes into some trash cans. :3 ANyway Jia apologizes for the incident, but MK would say its cool and he notices he hasn't seen her around the city before and Jia says she's new and so MK decides to show her around while finishing his deliveries :3 He takes her back to the noodle shop and introduces her to his friends. :3 The first episode is MK and Mei showing Jia the fun stuff of the city and then deciding to throw her a welcome party on Sandy's Boat :3 Although during a game of volleyball-MK is hit in the face by the ball and falls overboard, Jia jumps in, but accidentally turns into her full Fox Form to get him out-When she realizes the odd looks she sees her reflection in something and shapeshifts into a falcon and flies off, but not before MK notices a bracelet she left behind when she dashed off. Fearing that her friends will resent her for being a fox spirit, she takes refugee in a nearby abandoned theater, only to run into Yin and Jin and upon explaining her troubles to them, and being the tricksters that they are, convince Jia that MK and his pals knew she was a Fox spirit and wanted to lower her guard so to destroy her. They tell her that spirits and demons should stick to being friends with their kind. :3 Of course Jia believes this, but the brothers extend their friendship to her to be their friend and show her how REAL FRIENDS have fun-which turns out to be tricks and pranks which Jia resents deeply, but begins to find it fun to her surprise yet later discovers she lost her bracelet that keeps Rei in check and upon realizing it she transforms into her dark half-Rei. (The clothes also transform too to fit the color scheme) Rei thanks the boys for making Jia realize her bracelet was gone upon having fun with "harmless pranks" and wants to repay them by showing them how a REAL TRICKSTER does it. This causes Rei to use her Fox Magic around town and causing some chaos which alerts MK and his pals. Upon learning "Jia" is responsible, Mk would try to get her to calm down and come back to them, but discovers it isn't Jia at all as Rei tells him that Jia was her goody goody half and the bracelet kept her from taking control of the sweetie pie. Then she says that he and his friends lied to her about being friends and want to destroy or seal her away because she is a fox spirit. And of course MK would be like, "What? Jia-Rei....Uh....Fox Girl, why would you think we'd want to harm our new friend just because she's different"? And this will confuse Rei/Jia when she listens to MK's speech about how its okay to be different and just because she is a fox spirit doesn't mean that they hate her, they find it pretty cool and even compliments on her ears and tail. Thsi will allow Jia to gain some control over Rei upon a blush and when telling him what the Demon Bros told her, he tells her that they lied to her and friends never lie to one another.  Realizing MK and even when Mei chims in about how they like her for her, MK holds out the bracelet he found that she left behind. Touched by his act of kindness, she places the bracelet back on and reverts back to normal and reconciles with her friends and uses soem of her fox magic to fix the damage and scare the Gold and Silver demons :3 Of course this would cause the two brothers to be smitten with Jia in the next episode after the events of the first. Course this causes some sibling/love rivalry between the brothers as to wanting to win Jia's affection and comical antics take place. :3

That's what I got for a good intro episode for her :3 Plus I figure if Jin and Yin's hideout is an abandoned theater-they are tricksters and probably performers.Also imagine how they'd scare Jia when she takes refugee in there :3 I imagine she gets scared and loses composure of her human form and reverts to her fox form. I mean some stuff is WIP but I kinda picture it like that-ya know introvert fox spirit first time in big city, meets new pals, accidentally reveals her true form when rescuing a friend, falls into bad crowd when running off, causes some havoc, friends talk her out and reconcile is involved :3 And yeah-Jin and Yin are tricksters as we know, but also performers and they do have creative ideas and their hideout is a rundown theater :3[8:55 PM]Plus you saw the size of that scheme book-that is like 500 years worth or more in it. Course they should work on their steps a bit more on schemes.

Soooo what do you guys say? Up to role play with me after telling ya about my OC? :3 We can play here or on discord. I’m #9884 Truffula Mint on Discord so shoot me a friend request or message me first here to talk about what to do. :3 

[sheepyships-archive]

Worth It

Summary: Close to the end of a match at the manor, Reimy is separated from her teammates, one of them being her mercenary boyfriend, Naib, and when she is caught off-guard by an encounter with the hunter, her knight-in-shining armor comes to the rescue to save her. Genre: Crack + fluff, and some angst/comfort, just some simps simping for each other.

Warnings: Cursing, mentions of trauma, selfshipping and a lot of corny/cheesy shit. A/N: A lil drabble/writing thing I wrote when my friends and I were making some angst, and I decided to write some fluff/comfort or whateva to equal out some of the angst I had sent! So I decided to post it here for shits and giggles because I wanna write more and post them. I don’t know who made the art, sorry!!

‘C’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon…’ Reimy mumbles in annoyance under her breath as she typed in the code of the doors, it felt like centuries whenever she would type in the password to open the doors and escape the map, back to the manor. 

She was always a lot better at keeping track of casino chips than she was with remembering the order of a password pad, even if it was relatively simple for plenty of others, she wasn’t a technology kind of person and never was, which ended up being a factor that held her back from being able to help her teammates win the match. 

But, hey, at least she tried, right? She did much better at saving the other survivors from the rocket chairs they had been locked down into, so she was still helpful. 

She cursed a little bit too loudly when her clumsy fingers almost clicked the wrong number, not realizing how loud she was… 

Or taking the time to notice the fact that her heart was beating heavily and a transparent version of it with a purple glow also appear by her chest.... 

Or taking a look around her surroundings to notice the presence of a looming figure behind her, way too tall to be any of the survivors that she had joined the match with. 

When she came back down to earth, she realized that there was a figure behind her and froze when she saw that the shadow that continued to grow taller and taller along the wall in front of her, and for a moment she thought about turning to see which of the hunters had caught her this time. 

But- 

“LOOK OUT!” A familiar voice interrupted in a shout from beside her and the still unknown hunter behind her, distracting both her and the hunter for just a moment to look towards the source of the shout. 

In under a second, she was swooped up off her feet and hoisted up bridal style and into the arms of her savior, who was darting at high speeds in a zigzag motion away from the entrance, and the hunter that had originally had her cornered. 

Reimy lets out a shriek of terror from how fast the person who had saved her was running and clung onto the olive green hooded cloak that the survivor was wearing to avoid falling out of their arms and getting hurt, or caught by the hunter, even though they were far away from the hunter now. 

She took a moment to gaze up at them to see... well what do you know, the other rescuer in the match and her dumb but smart boyfriend, Naib! 

“COULD YOU SCREAM IN MY EAR ANY LOUDER? I’M ABOUT TO GO DEAF HERE!” He asks in a sarcastic tone as he continues to run, using one arm to push himself off one of the closest walls of the enclosed map to activate the acceleration of his elbow pads, helping him speed up as much as he could while carrying Reimy to safety and away from the threat behind them. 

Reimy glares at him and smacks his chest with the top of her hand, relaxing nonetheless in his grasp. “Hey, you could be a little more gentle with me, y’know! I was literally backed into a corner and about to get attacked!” She comments as she wraps her arms around his neck as he continues running through the map with her in his arms. 

She giggled when Naib half-heartedly glared down at her with a raised eyebrow, knowing that he wasn’t actually annoyed with her playful jab. 

“I could’ve just easily gone off without you, left with Helena and Kevin, and beat the round, but nooo! I told them to wait there while I came to save you, and then I’m the one being berated for being a little rough as if I had much of a choice while trying to save you!” He argues playfully with a small pout as he starts to slow down, looking behind him to check for the hunter before turning his gaze back down to Reimy with a lopsided grin.

��Y’know, I think you should reward me for saving you, because I almost risked both of our asses.” Reimy snorts in amusement, leaning up and pecking the stitches near his lip gently, feeling his face heat up. 

“There, ya big baby, is that enough of a reward for you?” She asks as she pokes his bandaged shoulder, looking up at him again and seeing his blushing and flustered face, he grumbles softly and looks to the side, slowly setting Reimy back down onto her feet. 

Reimy just smiles and pats his shoulder, “Thank you for saving me, I thought I was screwed, but I guess my knight in shining armor came just in time!” She teases with a giggle, making Naib chuckle softly and shake his head, but his smile begins to falter. 

“Okay, okay, all jokes aside.. are you alright? You aren’t hurt, are you?” Naib asks once Reimy was safely on her feet again, placing both of his hands on her sides as he was suddenly soft, his grasp was gentle and he had a concerned look on his face. 

Reimy looks up at him in slight confusion before a grin adorned her features, “Who are you, and where did you take the real Naib?” Reimy jokes with a grin, gently bonking him on the head with her closed fist. 

He smiles and huffs through his nose in a laugh as he looks off to the side, a little embarrassed, but a hint of worry was still evident in his eyes. 

She knew why he was so… concerned for her safety, and why he had taken the probably only chance he had in this round to help her. Despite how he looked, or he acted with the tough and stoic persona, he had his own issues, and even opened up to her about his past, and his own trauma, which was part of the reason they became as close as they were. 

Reimy places both hands on his cheeks, pulling his head closer to have him turn his gaze back to her. “I’m here, Naib. You don’t have to worry about losing me, I’m not planning on going anywhere.” Naib closes his eyes with a sigh, his hand moved up to one of her hands that was placed on his cheek and pressed it further into the hand that he had grasped. 

“...You better not tell the others about this, I don’t need any of them on my ass teasing me about it, or threatening me.” 

Reimy laughs as the somber mood was broken by Naib’s statement and her laugh, “It’s true! They’re all soooo shocked that we’re together. That, and you and Aesop are like siblings, so are you and Emily! I don’t need them glaring at me for half a match, oh my god especially if I join a match with both of them..” He complains in a less serious tone than before, dragging out the ‘so’, her laugh only grows more as she buries her face into his chest, her laughter dying down into giggles. 

She uses her hand that Naib wasn’t holding and reaches over, taking his free hand into hers when she pulls back from his shoulder to look up at him, seeing him smiling softly down at her. 

“C’mon, we better get out of here before we actually get beat, whether that’s by the hunter or our teammates.” She whispers to him, looking towards the glowing orange light of the other code pad that led to the other entrance. 

Naib simply followed behind her with a lopsided, loving grin and a firm grip on her hand as she led him to Helena and Kevin, who were still waiting at the entrance, and started up a conversation with the other two survivors as they escaped the map.

Despite the ruckus and shit they got themselves into, they both knew that it was worth it for each other.

[lev-iathan]

RoW Thoughts

I was planning on doing one of these for every part, but then I kind of... got carried away and finished the book. So, here are my thoughts on the whole thing.

(spoilers for the entire Cosmere, just in case)

- Kaladin was wonderful all the way through. I was so worried all the time that he would die. Like, genuinely worried. Especially during the fight with Lezian (that was staged a bit too similarly to the Kelsier vs. Inquisitors fight in Mistborn and we all know how that ended) and when he jumped off the tower (I knew Brando wouldn’t let him die by suicide, but let’s just say I still hummed to the Terrors). And then he does it. He swears the Fourth Ideal and it goes better than anything I could’ve imagined. Now he’s committed to healing and has reconciled with his father and everything. I just love him so much. Though, I am concerned. At the end there, he did glow with some weird yellow light and Syl forgot the words. That doesn’t bode well.

- Teft’s death. Brando destroyed me with that one sentence, and while I don’t really want to talk about it, I have to acknowledge it. Also, Fuck Moash. I didn’t really care that he killed Elhokar, but after what he did to Kaladin and this, it’s gotten personal. I’m not opposed to a redemption arc for him, but right now, I’m not very sympathetic towards him.

- Dabbid was so good! I really like when minor characters get their chance to stand out and he was wonderful! I hope he bonds a spren, he deserves it.

- Rlain becomes a Truthwatcher! I did not see that coming. I thought Bondsmith or Willshaper but not Truthwatcher. He can see the future now, potentially creating another blind spot for Odium. And Sja-anat is creating more corrupted Truthwatchers that will have that ability, which I think will be a massive advantage in the coming battle.

- I was disappointed we got so little of Renarin and Jasnah. Renarin barely had a chapter and Jasnah had two but it wasn’t enough. To be honest, Jasnah and Hoid’s relationship annoyed me but oh well. Not worth complaining about.

- Dalinar has little pagetime too, but it was enough. I’d been waiting for them to confront Ishar since he was first mentioned in OB and boy oh boy did they confront him. Ishar is fucking terrifying. He stole Dalinar’s bond with the Stormfather, he can leech Stormlight out of Radiants, he’s experimenting on spren (that was truly and utterly fucked up). What was that all about??? I also loved that it was Dalinar that accepted Kaladin’s oath, not the Stormfather. Him speaking with that godly lowercase caps seems like a bit of foreshadowing...

- I’m so happy for Shallan. Finally coming to terms with everything and realizing that she’s strong enough to work though the pain. I loved Veil’s “death” scene. I was soooo relieved when it turned out that Pattern wasn’t a traitor and the moment we saw the Cryptic in the marketplace I suspected that Shallan could’ve had a different spren that she killed. Also, worldhoppper Shallan confirmed? Hell yeah! She already has a Seon and I can’t wait for her to get her hands on some Breaths because I think she would enjoy those immensely. But first to find a way to get off-world with Pattern.

- Adolin and Maya were phenomenal. I’m really glad he didn’t become a Radiant because we really have a bit of an oversaturation of those among the main characters, but I love that she awakened for him. When she finally reveals the secret of the Recreance... Chills.

- I liked Navani well enough though I have to admit that I was a bit bummed when she bonded the Sibling because of the aforementioned oversaturation of Radiants, but I guess it was foreshadowed. She’s still got a lot of work to do though, with the fabrials and all. I loved her interactions with Raboniel, them discovering the Rhythm of War and all the different lights. Them just sciencing together and coming to understand each other was just great.

- I appreciate that we got at least a glimpse of Szeth and Nightblood. Next book it going to be great, I can feel it.

- Could have used a bit more Lift. I’m happy that she’s doing well after Moash happened, but I’m still confused about the red chicken...

- And finally, the star of the show, Venli. She was actually much better than I expected. I was afraid she would be pushed to the side since she didn’t have many chapters in part 1 and 2, but she played a really great role. Her flashbacks didn’t hit me as hard as the ones in the other books, maybe because they were split and I was never really interested in Eshonai (though that last flashback hurt a lot), but her present-day plotline was great. I like how it wasn’t easy for her to swear the Ideals and she wasn’t forgiven. She didn’t even forgive herself, but she’s on the path and that’s all that matters. It felt fitting that she only managed to swear the First Ideal at the very end. I like Venli quite a lot. I hope she doesn’t get pushed to the side now that she’s rejoined the listeners. One question though? Does Cultivation accept her oaths? Because she hears a female voice instead of the Stormfather.

- Taravangian. Oh Taravangian. You can’t convince me that anyone predicted he would kill Rayse and Ascend to Odium. That was so out of the blue but it worked so goddamn well I actually screamed. That’s a gamechanger. Taravangian is waaaaaay scarier than Rayse could ever be because he’s smart and he’s a planner and those are always dangerous. And what was it he did at the end, mind wiping Hoid??? Seems like this was all part of Cultivations plan and now they’re in cahoots and I am Afraid.

- This was probably my favorite Sanderlanche??? Maybe, I’ll need to do a reread to say for sure, but just the way everything came together to a massive crescendo was phenomenal. Kaladin fighting Lezian. Navani and Raboniel. The boundaries breaking between singers and humans and the fight now becoming a battle between ideals not a battle between races. The Fused defying Odium. The Tower lighting up at the end. I teared up when Venli finally told Leshwi she is a Radiant and Leshwi asked after her old honorspren. I have to wonder if all Fused used to be Radiants back when the spren bonded singers, and Odium just transformed them into brands analogous to their Orders. Anyway, it was great.

- Thaidakar is actually Kelsier. Confirmed, on page. I yelled ‘I KNEW IT’ so loud my cat ran away from me. That bastard. He did it. He became the ultimate cult leader.

- Who the fuck is El? That’s all I’m going to say because I really have no clue.

- I don’t think it’s possible for the entirety of book 5 be set within 10 days. There’s too much stuff to be done. I think the duel will happen about halfway through the book and then we’ll be dealing with some of the fallout, but it’s waaaaay to early to speculate about that.

[lipstickbisous]

best with two┃d.j.s

this song is literally the cutest thing ever. i saw it and heard it and i fell in love. daniel sounds soooo good too, oh my gosh.

best with two by daniel seavey and makaena durias

summary; (y/n) is unsure of how to love, and after daniel’s countless attempts of asking her out, he has to prove it’s worth it.

warnings? nope, just fluff

request? no, copy and pasted from my wattpad

tags? @splendidseavey @technolilly @annabseavey @joyus-jack @myheartswdw @ijustreallylovethem @poutybrock @coolkidcorbyn @youngbloodseavey

i watched him walk down the hall with his friends, his laugh echoing through the walls. he had bright blue ocean eyes, ones that i adored. his smile was cheerful and real, one that i adored. of course, i could never let him know that.

daniel seavey had the biggest crush on me.

i only knew that because he had repeatedly asked me if i wanted to go out with me, and every time, i said "no."

why, you ask? why would you not go out with daniel seavey? he's perfect. his eyes, his hair, his style, his personality, his smile, his happiness. it's perfect, he's perfect.

you're right. he's perfect. but i don't have time for that. i don't have time for love. i don't need it. i had dated a few guys, and it didn't go very well. that's when i realized that i'm in high school. i don't need this. i'm perfectly fine without dating someone.

maybe i had the smallest crush on him. so what? i wasn't going to go out with him. i didn't want to go out with him.

i leaned against the wall, waiting for people to clear out so i could get to class. "hey, (y/n)!" i heard. i rolled my eyes, recognizing that voice. i could recognize it from anywhere. i sighed as i pushed myself off the wall, not bothering to respond back.

but that didn't stop him. he turned around and walked over to me. "hey." he greeted me.

"hey." i said blankly. i could hear him chuckle under his breath and i had no idea why he did. "what do you want?" i asked already knowing the answer.

he chuckled again, and i hated it. i hated when he laughed because it was so angelic and so beautiful. i hated it. "i think you know what i want." he laughed even though it wasn't funny. i looked up at him and squinted my eyes.

"you're right," i smiled. "i do know what you want. and you know what i'll say." i told him and tried to walk faster.

"(y/n), come on," he pleaded. "i'm just asking one date. one time and that's it. if you don't like it, you'll never have to go out with me again. but please, (y/n), give me a shot." he did that thing and walked in front of me to stop me from escaping him.

"daniel, i have told you multiple times." i repeated myself. "no."

i tried to walk away from him again, but he only continued to stop me. "okay. fine. let me just ask you one thing," i rolled my eyes and sighed. i shrugged, signalling for him to continue. "why do you say no? apart from the fact that you don't like me."

if only he knew.

i shrugged again, but this time, it was because i didn't know how to answer him. i liked him a little bit, but i wasn't going to say that. "daniel, i'm not trying to hurt your feelings, okay? i just...i just don't know how to answer your question."

i walked past him again, my shoulder brushing his. i heard him sigh, but i continued to walk away. i focused on school until i finally realized i had forgotten to do my homework.

»«

as everybody filed out of the school doors, talking about how rude the substitute was today, whether or not they enjoyed lunch, or how cute the new kid was, i kept to myself not wanting to get trapped in with the conversation.

i had one earbud in, playing a quiet song since it was already loud enough. i hoped someone didn't unzip my backpack, as that was a thing in our school. one time, this one jerk a year ahead of me unzipped my backpack and three of my books fall out. it's rude and annoying.

i felt someone grab the back of my backpack, causing to me to internally yell. i turned around at them, furrowing my eyebrows, but i met with those ocean blue eyes. i looked at the front pocket of my backpack, seeing that it was closed.

"you're backpack was open." daniel said. he smiled. "i closed it."

"i can tell." i said. he smiled even brighter causing me to look away. i muttered a "thanks."

i didn't ride the bus home, and unfortunately, daniel didn't either. as i exited the school, walking off the sidewalk and crossing the road, daniel followed only a foot behind me.

i sighed. "daniel, i'm serious." i said.

"what?"

"i don't want to go out with you."

"okay, i understand." he said. i shook my head at him. "i just want to know why. i want to know why you won't go out with anybody. and it's not the fact that you don't like anybody. it's something else, but i can't tell what."

"daniel," i sighed. "i can't tell you. i mean, first of all, you wouldn't understand. you wouldn't understand why, and second, i just don't know how to say it without hurting your feelings."

"forget about my feelings," daniel said. "forget about hurting my feelings. i don't care anymore. (y/n), i really like you. you're so different from everyone else. i know that's not very original, but i can't think of any other way to say it. you're different, and i really like you."

"daniel," i tried to say, but nothing came out. "i will go on one date with you. i will tell you why i say no. and then, that's it. no more. done."

daniel smiled bigger and brighter than i had ever seen before. his ocean eyes were filled with joy, and deep down, it made me smile. "yes! thank you! i promise you, i will make it the best date ever," he swore. i chuckled. "can it be tonight?"

"sure," i shrugged. "why not?"

"great!" daniel laughed. "oh my god, yes! finally! thank you, thank you so much," daniel rushed over to me and hugged me tightly. "okay, um, on the dugout at this school, uh, is...6:00 okay?" he asked.

i nodded. "yeah, it should be fine."

"oh my god! yes! thank you."

"so you've said." daniel ran back to his home. i watched him run until he was out of my sight. i chuckled to myself, but brushed away that feeling. i only agreed to go with him to tell why i say no, and that's all.

i don't like him. i can't.

»«

i looked at myself in my mirror, not really sure why i cared if i looked good for daniel or not. i usually wasn't one to care what other people thought about me, but for some reason, it was like a flip had switched.

i wasn't wearing anything great. we weren't doing anything great. we were just two high schoolers going to our high school's dugout to sit and talk about my problem. which, when i say it, doesn't sound that great, but it's what i agreed to.

my parents were both still at work, and i didn't have any other siblings. i texted my mom that i was meeting up with a friend, and she said that it was fine. i left my house, locking the front door, and walking back to school.

the walk to my school isn't very long. luckily for me, we don't live very far, so if i get up at a certain time, and i'm ready by a certain time, i can be the first kid inside the school. that way i don't have to deal with the other idiot students that attend mt school.

while i was walking, i was thinking to myself on whether or not this was dumb. it was probably a prank  i told myself. a stupid little prank that he did because he was dared by his stupid friends. yeah, that's it.

i guess i had been so lost in thought i didn't realize i was already at the dugout. i didn't see daniel on the first one, or the second one, so i made up my mind on my thoughts.

it was a dare.

that is, until i heard that familiar voice yell my name.

"(y/n)!" daniel yelled. i turned around and was faced with his blue eyes once again. they were so blue and they resembled the waves of a calm ocean at rest. "i'm glad you came."

"well, i agreed to," i said. we both walked over to the first dugout and sat down, letting our legs hang off the end. "i keep my promises."

daniel nodded. "that's good, though. not a lot of people do." he spoke truthfully. i scoffed and laughed at his statement, agreeing with him. "so, um," i could tell he didn't really know how to ask the same question for the third time. "why do you say no? why do you distance yourself?"

"okay," i nodded, reassuring myself that i was alright. daniel laid a hand on my shoulder gently, allowing me to say what was stuck inside of my throat. "i have dated a few guys in my life, and they were all nice, but," i sighed. "they weren't it. each time we broke up, i got closer and closer to realizing it until last year. i don't have time for that. for this. i'm in high school, and all that matters right now are my grades. i don't have time for dating, or for caring for someone else. it's not about selfishness. it's just that dating and love isn't important at this moment of my life."

it took a few seconds to sink into the feeling of being okay, but when i finally did, i was ripped apart from it for daniel's gentle touch left my shoulder. he let both of his hands help him hold himself up on the dugout.

i could hear his quiet breathing. it was so quiet, it felt like i could hear his heartbeat. "oh," he said. oh? is that it? i just opened up to him, the one person i'm able to open up to, and all he can say is 'oh'? "okay." he said again.

"okay...?" i asked.

"i mean, i think it's dumb," daniel said. i looked at him, anger boiling in my stomach. "sorry, i didn't mean it in an offensive way. i just meant that the whole 'love isn't important right now' thing is dumb," i looked at him dumbfounded and shook my head. "love is always important. it's cheesy, i know, but it's true. i mean, it's an amazing thing.

"it's the thing that gets you out of bed in the morning. it's the thing that's in your sunday morning coffee. it's the thing that follows you around wherever you go. it's the thing that you can't get rid of. it's great. yeah, it hurts, but don't all feelings hurt. i understand what you're saying, i do, (y/n), but i think you're wrong.

"i think you should try loving again. it's so amazing and so beautiful. you can't run from it. you have feelings, and you can't escape them. so why try? just let it wash over you and you'll see how amazing it truly is."

i stared hopelessly into daniel's eyes. they weren't a calm ocean at rest anymore. they were that of an ocean's waves that violently crashed against rocks, the tide pulling in the sand. i stood in the sand, trying my hardest to continue just that, but the water was too strong. it pulled me in and i floated inside of the ocean that daniel's eyes resembled. the chaos that daniel's blue eyes had in them was so beautiful and so undeniably heart-warming.

i looked down at my feet, letting his words sink in. i felt his eyes, those powerful eyes, stare into me, trying to ease the hurt. i breathed so silently and so gently, scared that if i breathed any louder, something would happen.

i watched both of our feet dangle off of the dugout. i imagined what the feeling of having his hand in mine, his lips on mine. what would that feel like?

and then i realized daniel was right. it would feel amazing. the feeling of loving someone is so special and so pure that it can't be wasted. it can't be thrown away or taken for granted. love is something so great that it can't be thrown to the side.

i looked up from feet into his ocean eyes.

and i knew that i was in love with him.

[fatui-harbingers]

I was honestly bored watching the finale and just wondering when is this gonna be over omg. Drogon nudging Daenerys made me sad and that was about it. I was really hoping that Jon was gonna get roasted but of course he wasn’t. What a bummer. I would very much like to stab this version of Jon to death, ngl. I'm only okay with him living bc it made Ghost happy. Ghost and Drogon are the only one's alive that deserve happiness! I hate all the other characters, except Yara and Grey Worm.

This wasn't a good ending whatsoever. For anyone. I really wish I never started watching this show to begin with! My mom would be so disappointed. She was rooting for Dany, enjoyed Jonerys and even thought that if they lasted they should rule together. She would be especially disappointed bc she watched Lost, HIMYM, and Dexter. I watched most of HIMYM and Dexter but never saw the endings but I've been told they were extremely disappointing.

I honestly don't understand why it was such a big deal that Daenerys burned King's Landing anyway. I mean, its war, it ain't pretty and innocents die. It's not like whole cities haven't been destroyed in our own history! It's not like she burned every major city in the Seven (six now I guess lol) Kingdoms. She burned ONE! And besides, we only saw the people there when it was convenient so I really didn't care.

And like... did Tyrion really think his siblings were gonna live? Lol, he’s the mad one if you ask me!

All this insanity was not worth seeing Jon’s hair down again either. Not even close. I hope what he did haunts him for all eternity bc he deserves to suffer as long as he lives. I’m sure there’s a special place in hell for men that kill their lovers, especially after kissing them just after you pledged yourself to them as a trick. So disgusting! I’ve had enough of seeing men emotionally abusing and manipulating such a wonderful woman. She deserved the world but I’m sure she’s with her family and friends and children in the afterlife.

I was hoping after seeing Jon sorta defending Dany that he wouldn’t kill her even though he seemed conflicted (bc for some reason he’s suddenly soooo moral. And hey, did you notice he had more lines! Omg!) but as soon as he “pledged” himself to her, I knew what was gonna happen.

This show really catered to straight white dudes tonight, didn't it! Really loved watching a man murder his lover, it was really nice to be reminded of how common that is irl. Do D&D know that most women are killed by their partners or ex-partners? Guess if they did, they didn't care. Who am I kidding, they never cared!

Did D&D even read the books? I haven't either and WOW I could have written a much better show with no previous experience. I feel like even I know the books better, lol, but that is bc I love fantasy and research so I did my homework. Girls have been proven to do better in school anyways!

So, yeah, I'm bitter. I won't forget this EVER. And not as a Dany stan! I won't forget this as a woman coming of age under the Trump Administration. I won't forget this a feminist.

I'm still gonna get me a Targaryen tattoo. I'm gonna get a Dany tattoo separately bc she deserves her own place on my skin. I'm just gonna get tattoos of all my wronged feminist icons. Daenerys Targaryen, Medusa, and Lilith (from the Bible that no one ever talks about, even though I have very strong negative feelings about Christianity). I'm sure I'll find more but those are def gonna happen.

I am gonna read the books bc 1.) my grandmother spent nearly $90 on them for me and 2.) I’ve only read little bits a pieces and they seem 1000x better already. I’m not gonna hope for the last two to come out, and if they do, I’m only gonna get them if I’m told the ending was way better. I don’t want Dany to die at all but, I’ll take another woman’s heroic death for the greater good over being stabbed in the heart by her lover, even though I’m tired of that too.

Anyways, I think I reblogged a post that said “you won't see dany die on this blog” or something along those lines but I take it back bc I've seen some really pretty gifsets! I'm sorry! But I'll use the tag #death tw as requested by those that don't wanna see it.

Daenerys should’ve done things her way from the start. Listening to everyone else was probably her biggest mistake. If she had burned the Red Keep in s7 when she wanted to, things would be fine, I’m sure of it. But, unfortunately, she didn’t listen to herself. And she fell for Jon Snow, which is apparently a death sentence.

I didn’t realize it till people started pointing it out but even I was using this show as a power fantasy. That was my mistake, lol. Clearly, women aren’t allowed to even dream of power. Not gonna stop us now though.

I don’t think I’ll ever get over this bc of what Dany means to so many people. RIP Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen. Dany deserved better. No doubt about that.

[derek-oluransi]

Vamp!Dex

OKAY SO @that-omgcp-trash put into my head: Vamp!Dex. And then I wrote it. And now here it is. Except there’s two versions, and they both start the same. I don’t really like the first one and it contradicts itself a bit, but ehhh.

Anyway, the person, John, is Dex’s older twin brother. Matt is another sibling of theirs (yes, we are aware of canon). I’m so Down for this AU and I’m gonna combine it with Witch!Nursey eventually because hell fucking yeah amirite?

He called John in such a flurry he nearly cracked his phone screen. That super human strength thing was something he found himself forgetting more and more these days, always in a rush and always flustered. Centuries of carefully crafted skills were reduced to naught whenever Will found himself being approached by Derek. He wasn’t even entirely sure how this happened to him. He had been keeping up a charade since he was a child and his composure was reduced to dust the moment he made eye contact with the most frustrating person on the planet?

The ringing stopped and a tenor voice picked up on the other end, “Yo!”

“John I think I’m gay,” Will rushed out as soon as his brother had answered the phone. There was silence on the line before a loud, obnoxious laugh started up.

Will had to sit through at least two minutes of just laughing before John finally stopped, breathing heavily and trying to get out words between wheezes of laughter. When Will was sure he was finished completely, he spoke.

“I’m glad you thought that was funny.” His tone, however, clearly showed that the exact opposite. “This is serious, you ass.”

“I’m sorry, Will, it’s just-” John paused, Will heard him drink from a water bottle, “-ten or twelve centuries ago you were soooo sure you weren’t and I was nearly ostracized from the family for taking a male lover. In Greece, bro. Greece. Wasn’t the saying When in Rome?”

“First of all, Matt coined that phrase when he was being more emo than usual. Second, Rome is in Italy you jackass. Third, you don’t meet guys like Nursey every millennium,” Will replied, his voice growing softer when Derek’s name came up in the conversation.

“His name’s Nursey? What the fuck.”

Will put his head in his hands, phone still held to his ear. He had taken so many lovers in his past. Almost all women. Literally thousands of women. There were only a handful of males he had been with that he hadn’t told John about, but those relationships had always ended so quickly.

“Not gay,” Will finally sighed. “Bi. Bisexual. Men and women. For a long time.”

“A long time?” John yelled into the phone, “What the fuck do you mean a long time? You’ve never been with a man!”

“That you know of.”

Will’s statement led to sudden quiet.

“What?” John whispered.

“I’ve never been with a man that you know of.”

The silence on the other end was pretty telling of how John was feeling toward his brother in that moment. Will wished he would say something, because even though he knew John wouldn’t judge him, this was still a monumentally important thing he had just confided in his brother. Nearly two thousand years and he had never told his own brother he liked men.

John responded with, “I want you to know, first and foremost, that I love and support you. Then, I want you to know that, the first chance I get, I’m coming to beat your ass, because you never told me you were bi.”

He called John in such a flurry he nearly cracked his phone screen. That super human strength thing was something he found himself forgetting more and more these days, always in a rush and always flustered. Centuries of carefully crafted skills were reduced to naught whenever Will found himself being approached by Derek. He wasn’t even entirely sure how this happened to him. He had been keeping up a charade since he was a child and his composure was reduced to dust the moment he made eye contact with the most frustrating person on the planet?

The ringing stopped and a tenor voice picked up on the other end, “Yo!”

“John I think I found the One,” Will rushed out, frantic and nearly out of breath. He didn’t even need to breathe! Why was he out of breath?

“Slow down, brother of mine,” John soothed. He helped Will take deep breaths to calm down. Not entirely necessary for survival but a good tactic for leveling his head a bit. “You’re probably delusional. You’d have to be willing to give up everything for the one.”

“That’s the thing, John,” Will felt more emotion bubble up in him as he thought about Derek. His mind flashed between soft hair and warm eyes and an infectious laugh, before settling on Derek’s face. He wished he could get John to see what he saw, to feel what he felt.

“No fucking way. You’re ready to settle. You’re actually ready to settle!” John’s incredulous voice made Will blush with shame. He had been so against settling when he was younger; he wasn’t sure why Derek made him feel so different. He was prepared to stop moving and to tell Derek the truth about himself, to make the big step forward and ask if Derek wanted to spend the rest of eternity with him.

It was a terrifying thought. They were irrevocably connected once Will settled down with Derek, and even if Derek decided eternity with Will wasn’t worth it and left, they would still be connected to each other. In the end, Derek would always be drawn back to Will. Will didn’t want Derek to have to deal with that if at some point he decided eternity with Will wasn’t what he wanted.

“I’m coming to Samwell. If you think you’re ready to settle then I need to meet this guy,” John decided.

“What? No! Absolutely not, if you show up here Matt’s gonna wanna come too and then mom and dad,” Will protested. The last thing he needed was his old fashioned parents finding out he was ready to settle. He would never hear the end of it.

“I promise I won’t tell them! First flight up to Massachusetts, I meet the guy, mom and dad and Matt never even have to know I skipped class.”

Will sighed. “Okay. Come up, meet Nursey, leave. Don’t fucking linger.”

“You have my word, William.”

John hung up before Will had a chance to truly consider how much of a bad idea this really was. But of course, he had plenty of time between the end of the phone call and John’s arrival a day later to really think of the horrible decision. Really, Will wasn’t sure why he thought John was gonna be able to get away without Matt finding out where he was going, and the moment Matt knew? He might as well have straight up told their parents himself.

[useernamesuck]

GET TO KNOW ME

I was tagged by @mackenna-lloyd

1ST RULE: Tag 9 people you want to get to know better

2ND RULE: BOLD the statements that are true

APPERANCE: I’m 5′2″ which at nearly 20 i’m confused for an 8th grader, so trick or treating season is lit. I purposely gained weight cause i was told i looked like a twig so i’m actually at my goal weight!! I have brown eyes. I’ve been through a lot with my hair, but it’s naturally long, wavy and thick, it’s currently at an ombré right now but i’m most confident about my hair. I have freckles, a couple of scars from the chicken pox and i have dimples, which i have one right beneath each of my eyes and i have a sad/happy dimple on the left side of my mouth

PERSONALITY: I’m known for being shy and awkward, HOWEVER, once i get comfortable around you, I’m easy going and fun and bubbly. I have a lot of built up anxiety and all of that other shit but i wasn’t put on this earth to be living in a soup of sadness, hello.

ABILITY: my ability is too somehow procrastinate for an excessive amount of time... for example, I procrastinated on doing a class in school for 2 years, soooo don’t do that shit cause fuck it’s not worth to procrastinate that long. I’m trying to work on this procrastination shit though. But i also like to self teach myself things like i’ve taught myself how to whistle and raise one eyebrow.

HOBBIES: only a select few know about my hobbies but I like to sing which i’m very insecure about. I also like to paint/draw but mostly paint. I’m into journaling/writing i like to write poetry,haikus, short stories, etc. I play the guitar, piano which i’ve self taught. I play the violin which my dad taught me. I also played the flute a few years ago but that shit doesn’t count anymore.

EXPERIENCES: what in the world do i say here, well i went out of my comfort zone and went zip lining. i also faced my fear of being upside down by going on rollercoasters. I rode an elephant as a kid, i don’t remember much of it though and that was also my first and last time at a circus.

MY LIFE: I have quite the big family overall. I have 3 siblings and a nephew on the way. I’m not sure what else to say without this turning into a deep story, so i’ll leave it at that.

RELATIONSHIPS: I have been a couple relationships which all of them didn’t work out. I still have random and odd crushes which i won’t go into detail about but i think that’s all i’ll say for this part.

RANDOM SHIT: I’m 19 nearly 20 cause birthday is on january 1st. I’m from Canada. I’ve been bisexual for 9 years now and i still haven’t properly came out. Im fucking clumsy and fragile and a mess. I’ve made a book of all of my fucked up dreams/nightmares meshed together but ended up burning it.

@cahpayne @lostincapetownagain @rainbow-ponny @dandadude @edgyraxpberry @spooktinj @rosepetaldnp @onceiwasalightbulb @lestertr

I know i dont speak to any of you and i would love to but am shy as hell, i would love to get to know all of you so anyone can do this.

[prorevenge]

Real Estate Revenge

warning: long story. TL;DR at bottom.

I've been a real estate broker in Chicago for nearly 20 years. I started at a very small independent brokerage. It was my first week there when the broker/owner gave me a lead. He was older and wasn't in very good health, so he passed a lot of his leads to his agents.

One of the broker's friends passed away and the friend's son wanted to sell the house. I call the son who tells me he's known the broker for 30-plus years and how close their families were. He seems like a really nice guy. I go over and check out the house. I work up a gorgeous comparative market analysis. I have other brokers check my numbers (I was new and wanted to do a perfect job for my new client). I rehearse my presentation, have my stuff professionally printed, prepare for any possible questions, have responses ready for objections, and I head out.

I dazzle this guy with my presentation. He likes the $135,000 list price I recommended. He's fine with the commission. He has no objections, but he asks me to give him 2 months to clean out the house, give his siblings a chance to go through everything and then repaint.

Now, I know how to handle this, but at the time, I just said I'd call him in 2 months to get it listed... Bad move, but I trusted him because he and deceased father were so close with my broker. I didn't expect what would come next.

Three days later, I'm driving through town and I see a "For Sale By Owner" sign in the yard. That's when I realized that I wasted several hours doing work for him and he completely bluffed me and used me. I didn't call him back then. Nowadays, I wouldn't either, but that's only because I'd have the listing before he had a chance to put that FSBO sign in the yard. Experience counts for a lot.

Anyway, my broker was at city hall about 5-6 weeks later paying for transfer stamps when he just happened to notice in the registry that the previous customer was the son. The son had just paid for transfer stamps earlier which essentially meant that the house had sold.

I waited until the prescribed "2 months" and called the son for my revenge. I played stupid and the conversation went something like this... (And I talked fast so I could get the whole thing out before he could cut me off and tell me he sold it.)

ME: Hey Len, it's Myzyri over at ABC Realty. I figured I'd give you a call to see if you got the house cleaned out and repainted because I had a relocation company call me with info from a doctor looking to move to the area. When I talked to the guy, I thought about your house and mentioned it to him. Since it's only 2 blocks from the hospital where he's going to be working and I told him how nice it was, he basically told me to make you an offer sight-unseen. I couldn't remember what I said the house was worth, but I told him $215,000. He couldn't believe how inexpensive it was, but he's living in New York. He said your house sounds like it's three times the size of his and half the price of what he'd pay in New York City. So, I don't remember what I told you it was worth, but he's all cash and wants to be able to move in in 3 weeks, so, would $215,000 work for you because I can write it up, fax it over to him for signatures, and get you done...?

(There was a long silence before he exploded.)

LEN: YOU F*CKING A-HOLE! YOU TOLD ME IT WAS WORTH $135,000!

ME: Well, we didn't even list yet and it looks like I just got you $80,000 more! What are you all upset about?!?!

LEN: I JUST SOLD THAT F*CKING HOUSE! I SOLD IT FOR $130,000 BECAUSE YOU F*CKING TOLD ME THAT WAS WHAT I SHOULD EXPECT TO GET!

ME: Oh damn, you sold it? That's good for you and good to know that that my estimate on the sale price was spot on. Well, no problem, I'm sure I can find something else for my buyer.

LEN: F*CK YOUR BUYER! I WANT $80,000!

ME: I don't know where you're going with this. You sold your house for a price you were happy with. I just happened to get an out of towner on a fluke who was willing to pay more. But hey, you sold it and you got fair market value so you did great!

LEN: F*CK YOU, YOU PRICK! I WANT THAT $80,000!

ME: I've never heard of this before, but if you can get the house back, I can talk to my buyer and see if he'll wait for you to close again. I don't know if that's even a possibility.

LEN: NO! YOU'RE GOING TO PAY ME $80,000!

ME: Well, that's not going to happen. I can just hire a professional appraiser to show that you got market value for the house. My mistake was quoting my buyer the wrong price, not you.

LEN: YOU CAN EXPECT TO HEAR FROM MY ATTORNEY!

ME: That's fine. But I'm going to have to let you go now, Len. I've got to get over to your old house to see if the new owners would be willing to give me a copy of their appraisal and see if they might want to sell it for a quick profit. Do you know if they moved in already?

LEN: MOTHER F*CKER!

And that's when he slammed the phone down.

I would never do this now even though I have plenty of people who waste my time. It comes with the job and getting upset doesn't make it better. However, I still think about that call today and while part of me feels like a jerk, I still get a little smile thinking about him kicking himself for screwing me over.

Here's a little more to the story...

Something I do to drum up business is offer help finding tax comparables for people so they can try to get a tax reduction from the county. I actually went to meet the new owners of that house and offered to help them dispute their taxes free of charge. They were actually a really nice couple and they ended up using me to sell that house 8 years later just before the market crash. So, they'd done some really nice stuff to the house, had a top notch price, and they ended up getting $345,000 for it. They were doing a back-to-back closing (sell one and buy the new one on the same day). The house they were buying burned down, but they still sold theirs and moved in with relatives while they looked for something new. The market literally crashed two months later while they were living with the wife's grandparents. They stayed there for two more years and then I helped them buy a huge 4000 square foot foreclosure for $130,000. New construction that hadn't been completed. Just needed trim, a garage, some light fixtures, and a kitchen which they were happy to install on their own considering the price and location. It's currently worth about $550,000 since that area is just booming again. They've been very happy with me and have sent me a few referrals.

As a side note, I told them about Len (a very watered down version that didn't make me look like a dick) and they happily gave me a copy of their appraisal just in case he decided to call a lawyer. They said he was a jerk to deal with and got into a huge fight with his siblings at the closing saying he should get $20,000 more because he had to handle the sale "and that's what the realtor would have charged!" (No... Since his dad was close with my broker, we were only charging him 4.5% - $5,850 on $130,000.)

Soooo... Did he ever call a lawyer? Yes. About a year later, he called the only lawyer he knew. My broker's brother. The brother talked to my broker, who then talked to me. I gave him the market analysis and the appraisal. We never heard another thing about it.

TL;DR: Guy uses me and wastes my time. I end up giving him a BS story that makes him think he lost out on $80,000-$85,000.

(source) (story by Myzyri)

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

On a post where I talked about my nephew (and the difficulties with my brother)

runningbarefootthroughtheforest said: No ideas, just wanted to say Im glad your nephew has someone like you in his life, even if you are ‘banned’ from him. It sounds like you bring sunshine to his life, and even if thats a rare occurence it may make a world of difference to him <3

Thanks for being so kind. 

I wasn’t planning to really reply (thought I REALLY appreciated hearing that), but I was in a mood tonight. I got started writing, and now it’s 2am and I’ve got this endless rambling about my relationship with my brother no one in their right mind wants to hear about. Rather than erase all that typing (and venting) I’m just going to put it safely behind a click to continue....l

Being there for him used to be one of the ways I would make myself go to my brother’s when I knew what was in store for me there. (The other was to help my parents with that construction job building the extension to my brother’s house.) I had my nephew described as “lighting up like a Christmas tree” when I showed up and that he seemed so much more engaged when I was there. I dunno how much I credit that to me, but I did feel like it was worth enduring a heavy dose of verbal abuse. 

The thing is, it has been so long since I have been able to see him I expect he has forgotten me now. I got to see him for a minute over a year ago when took Mom half way to spend time recovering from her hospitalization at their house (I’ve mentioned our living conditions...). He didn’t show any signs of recognition anymore. Yesterday Mom called me while my sister-in-law was out (Mom won’t call me when they are around to avoid ranting) and I could hear my nephew talking to himself as he played, his voice like a little bird chirping. I realized that I have never actually heard him speak in person because he was a totally non-verbal then. I’m afraid as far as he is concerned I don’t exist.

I know people wonder why I was banned from my brother’s house. “what did you do?” Saying, well the first time I was told never to come back I played a Wallace and Gromit DVD. It was so baffling how me playing it in a room alone could get him shouting I was “the most selfish bitch alive” for my choice of DVD, but there you go.

A few months later I did start going back, but that time I tried to photograph my parents beside the house extension we were putting in, and my brother thought I wastaking a photo of him andmy nephew. He hates photos being taken and threatened to smash my camera, started with the insults, called me a coward when I went into the house to get away from him rather than fight, then mocked me when I came  back out rather than wake my napping sister-in-law. I started crying (trying soooo hard not to) and he lay into me for that. I always told my parents not to defend me since it would reinforce my brother’s peculiar “you love her more” narrative and it would make him more vicious, but it made me feel extra alone as he was attacking me, all in my face and snarling like he would get. I muttered “Sometimes I could just  kill you” which was NOT meant as a real threat at all, and he knew that very well. Still he announced I was to leave or he would call the police and he could say I threatened his life.

And that was that. At first My parents and I thought it would blow over. It didn’t. We thought holidays would be an exception. They weren’t. We thought when Pop got sick he would relax about it. Nope. So that’s been that.

The thing is, it shouldn’t be a surprise. For years he’d been saying he loved Mom, loved but also hated Pop, and just hated me. I think partly Pop and are were disappointments to him, like we should be whatever fantasy he had of what we should be and if only he could bully us right we’d change. Pop and I did tend to think alive, where Mom and my brother thought a bit more alike, the basic mental wiring. But it was a way of seeing us, Mom the one who sacrificed (like about getting a PhD) to join Pop here, Pop the person working so many ambitious projects (like the submarine or the journey round the world in the boat) that never actually were finished, and me the smart sister turned utter loser (and college drop out to his multiple degrees). I knew he hated me, and maybe he was right to at least have no respect for such a pathetic creature, but I somehow had managed to believe that down deep he loved me.

You know, when he was a teenager he pointed a loaded gun to my head saying he was going to kill me, and I was totally calm about it. Part of it was the adrenaline, but part of it was a trust that while he was emotionally freaking out and might accidentally kill me, he did not really want me dead. Would I be so fearless now when I no longer trust his love is in there somewhere waiting to be talked down? I dunno.

Now, for the record, my family was NOT physically or emotionally abusive. Heck, my parents never even spanked us. We were never grounded, given time outs or bullied. While my father would break things when really upset, he NEVER, EVER hurt anyone or threatened to hurt anyone. My parents were  confused how sibling rivalry and child defiance of a father could become so monsterous. They wondered what they did wrong. The thing is, it really wasn’t entirely some failing in out part.

Amazingly my brother was an incredibly sweet child. He constantly told us he loved us, gave us drawings he made and wrote “I love you” on, hugged us, kissed us, laughed and ...  He was exactly the opposite of what he is now.

I can track it, the step by step path that led to this point.

It begins at school. When he entered first grade to be precise.

In first grade my brother got good grades, despite my parents questioning whether he was having difficulty reading. The teacher would reassure them that he was doing just fine....and then he failed first grade. When my parents wanted to know what had happened, the teacher said my brother had seemed so smart she had assumed it would work out. **sigh**

So my parents did what you would expect. They started working with my brother. They had always read to us (and I read as long as can remember) but now they started using work books, flashcards, and anything else that they thought might help. To my brother this was like being punished while I was off doing other things, and how he felt about me began to change.

Now I get this bothering him. I was bothered too. I knew my brother needed help, but I also knew they were spending all this time with him but so little with me. No one helped me with my homework, because I didn’t need it. I was “fine”, I was always “fine”. Where as my brother as a toddler would try to run (and made it once!) across highway 64 with all it’s traffic, laughing as we chased him, toddler me (when I couldn’t find my father and grandfather who were working and supposed to be watching me...the place it big) decided to walk home and famously was spotted by people carefully crossing that crazy busy highway and walking back along the side of the road. I was seen as gaving good judgement, bright, blah, blapg. Stephanie is always “fine”. 

The difference is that while I saw the attention my brother got when no one even cared what I did in school, (they even let me sign my own papers because they were busy and knew I was doing fine...I HATE that word fine!) and was unhappy, I didn’t get angry at anyone. I understood, and other than a few bouts of grumpiness at my parents wishing that they would pay atrention to me a bit. But to my brother it was different. He was angry, and most of that anger settled on me because I was “fine”, a sort of feeling he had that I must be loved more since I wasn’t the one suffering.

Then it got worse.

His second grade teacher was horrible to him. She picked on him and bullied him continually. In front of the whole damn class she would called him stupid and mock him. He was NOT stupid! He was dyslexic!

My parents had to work to persuade then to have him tested. This was not even on the radar of out hick town school in the early 1980s. They had to bring someone in to test him, and when it proved the suspicions it proved no help at all. See, the teachers had never heard of such a thing, so to them “dyslexic” meant “stupid”.   They considered kids “normal”, “smart”, or “stupid” with no nuisance at all. And that damn teacher kept at it, more intently than ever.

Worse for my relationship to him, the teacher and her aide had another angle of attack. “He’s not smart like his sister!” Do you know how horrible that is, constantly comparing a kid to another kid? In first grade my tracher had started that, telling the class “Why can’t you all be like Stephanie?” “You should try to be smart like Stephanie” Do you know what that does? It does NOT make the kids you want to change change, instead they glare at that kid you are comparing them to with pure hate. And now the little brother that had loved me, was being bludgeoned with me as a weapon. 

He didn’t tell us any of this at the time. He was far too scared of her. It slipped out bit by bit over then next few years.

One day he hid to try to avoid going to class. I found him and talked to him, trying to be reassuring and comforting. You see, I was having an awful time in school, being bullied every day. I thought, three years older than him, I understood and I was being encouraging when I was saying if I could do it I knew he could. And then I told Pop where he was.

My brother still brings this up as a huge betrayal. It is one of the worst things I ever did to him, though I did it out of love and ignorance.

So it began. My brother’s resentment and hostility. A bubbling rage began to build. He started seeing as opposite, if something was tough for him he would insist it was easy for me. To this day he insists I was popular and happy in school! It’s nuts. Mom laughs at the thought. In that one year in kindergarden I went from so outgoing I spoke to anyone to so introverted I couldn’t make eye contact or order in a restaurant. I went from normal weight to the fattest kid in the class, for the first time in my life started wetting the bed, began to jump at the sounds like someone with PTSD, and would come home crying, begging my parents to tell me why everyone hated me. I was picked on for everything including my breathing! But he didn’t remember preschool me so he didn’t know I’d changed, and he was so lost in his own pain he couldn’t see mine.

And it went like this. Now I am NOT minimizing what he went through. While I had many teachers that openly delighted whenerever I made a mistake and, bafflingly, saw me as some sort of threat, clearly what he went through with that teacher was worse.

Let me be clear again, my brother was NOT stupid! He was one of the top five students by graduation, in college he studied chemistry where he was the only undergraduate working on a project, one a national prize, and after getting his degree went right back to get a degree in computer programming. He could very well be smarter than me!

But elementary and high school were hell. For both of us, to be honest, we just manifested it differently.

 I can only imagine the constant “she’s smart, you’re not” pressure he was under. I know even as an adult his default when upset was to call himself “Stupid!” “Idiot!” Or “Moron!” No matter how often my parents and I tried to tell him otherwise, he never believed us. He was constantly tense and chewed his fingers until they bled. And behind his eyes you could see the pain and rage. He got so he would not want anyone to see him show emotions, even taking his gifts at Christmas into his room to open. He got aggressive and growly, not just in a teen boy way. He would let anyone hug him anymore, not even Mom. We wanted to hug him, we knew he needed a hug, even wanted a hug, but if you tried he’d slug you and leave a bruise. 

With me his aggression just got worse. Violent, not just slugging. Not when our parents were around, of course. Then it was just verbal.  He was disgusted by me. I’d become withdrawn more, fatter, and, as I used to say, “terminally insecure”. Maybe he couldn’t stand my increasing loser status because if I was supposed to “better” than him according to the teachers, then how terrible must he be? He needed me to be better than Inwas, just as he always blamed our parents a bit for not saving him from that teacher, despite the fact they hadn’t known at the time what was going on.

One quick point: what happened to my brother inspired Pop to run for school board right after that. He thought it was the best way to help both my brother and others like him. I think the last straw was seeing that abusive teacher won “teacher of the year” the next year. When Pop asked why they said it was because they were all sorry for her  because just before the vote she has a baby that was born with a serious birth defect. Sympathy is one thing, but “teacher of the year” for a woman that tormented my brother and changed him so completely? In one year he went from loving me to hating me, smiling to scowling, not questioning his own intelligence to never believing in it! So Pop went to the school board, became chairman, and what to you know, the way they treated my brother turned around over night (though how he felt didn’t)! But what about other kids without elected parents?

Anyway, the school years were not happy. Add my brother’s tendency to hold grudges and to lash out when hurt to the target painted on my back by the big mouthed teachers and I became his verbal, and sometimes physical, punching bag. Our parents would be working and he would go into jerk mode. Locking himself in my room to trash it. Calling me the most hurtful things he could. There are still holes in my door from a sword. (Yes, sword. We have a few...) When he would start getting rough I’d pin him, because though we did eventually end up the same height, I was bigger than him. He was skinny and I was just plain stronger. But once restrained, then what? In his rages he would snarl he would hit me when I let go, and eventually I’d have to. My dilemma was I was the big sister, the one that had always tried to protect him and never wanted to hurt him. When I was about 8 I got a blood vessel in my eye busted fighting a bully that was picking on him. I couldn’t hurt him, but when I’d let go he’d keep his promise. As my parents and I would say, he would never pull a punch.

Now my parents would try to get him to stop being such a jerk to me, but it only ever made him meaner. If they were defending me, he semed to think, that must prove they loved me more. They were working and we were on our own, but together out here on the farm, much of the time. Oddly being unsupervised had worked out great when we were little, but as we got older and the relationship got worse it was not great at all.

It’s so weird, looking at old photos. All those happy ones when were little. There isn’t a photo of me NOT smiling until I started school, and there isn’t one where he isn’t smiling and usually hugging me until that year with the teacher. Like OMG! He honestly seemed a different person. By our teenage years there are almost no photos of me smiling, and the few that show my brother smiling are rather threatening. 

We did have one powerful bonding moment one day. We just started talking, just spilling out all the horrible things and bullying we went through at school, that hell hole. We ended up sobbing and just holding each other. It was so intense I actually believed it was a breakthrough, a turning point out of the darkness. Nope. I made that mistake many times over the years.

And yeah, the gun incident happened. I survived, and between that and another incident when he nearly shot trespassers (that had permission we didn’t know about) when scared, I let my folks know I didn’t think he should be around them anymore. It was atypical for the family so it was startling, but his judgement worried me. 

But then came what was the worst turning point for many years. I dropped out of college. It would take a while to explain, but it would make me the sole non-college in the family and the source of shame. It was unforgivable sin. While my brother had given up physical violence (and never hit me again) the verbal abuse got ....unrelenting. How bad did it get? When he would drive home I would hear the car and feel a full on hyperventilate “run away!” panic attack. He’d come home from college and I’d shake at the sound of his voice. I won’t list all the things he said, but it boiled down to my worthlessness.

That said, he still would seem to love and want my company. He asked me to go on trips, like to Germany and Montreal, and despite the fact I would always swear never to travel with him again afterwards. He gave gifts that showed thought, cards, and moments of sweetness would slip out.

Still, I began to notice something else. When things were good, he was wonderful, but when things were stressful he’d get mean. 

Believe it or not, there were a few years I got my hopes up that hehad outgrown it, or worked past it or let go of that childhood rage or...something. He was great, no longer tormenting me. The only teasing was affectionate, without the cruelty. He did little kindnesses, joked, showed concern, and smiled. It was like having the little brother that had been so close to me back. Even at his wedding the two of us kept giggling uncontrollably every time we looked at each other. 

It didn’t last. It took a few years, but it started building up all over again. I expect it was the stress he was feeling with a new marriage to someone with rather set ways ,interpersonal conflict on the job, a new house he’d bought, eventually fatherhood, and the initial denial anything was wrong with the nephew followed by the difficult reality. Then there was the fact that had set in that I was no longer the fattest in the family, but he was...something else to hold against me. 

So the point is, by the time he had a lot of things eating at him. He was having health problems I worried were stress related, that certainly didn’t help his mood. And there I was, unmarried, no kid, only working with Pop not a “real” job as far as he was concerned (HA!), none of the things weighing on him. Clearly, he would assume, my life must be better. That ignores my lived reality, but he always has ignored my point of view. As far as he was concerned I’d somehow cheated. And if my parents let me get away with it, well then, they must love me more.

So he promises to make my newborn nephew hate me. He picks on my continually. When I have a breathing attack and my heart goes nuts, he says to film it if I’m dying so he can watch it over and over laughing. He refuses to help us more than five minutes on the house extension, shouting “I can’t work with you people!!” And on and on. So why did I not see this final break coming? 

He isn’t happy. Even hearing about him through Mom I can tell that. I wish I could help him, but I never could. 

What’s strange is the fact I didn’t feel relieved by the break. Not seeing him meant sparing myself the weekly emotional rollar coaster, the walking on eggshells waiting for the moment he’s have a go at me. Instead I fell apart. I used to never cry, but I started then. I’d have meltdowns over it, thinking my life had hit the lowest it could get...the loss of my brother and nephew.

Of course, Pop started getting sick almost exactly then, and six months later he was diagnosed. It’s all been down hill from there! So I guess when you think you’ve hit rock bottom it might just be a bounce along the rock face as you keep plummeting.

My brother is still furious at me, and honestly I would  apologize whether I feel I did anything wrong or not if I thought it would do any good. But I know him. If I apologize he would take it as proof he was right. He doesn’t do forgiveness, more like gloating and justification for further jerk behavior. I’m not even exactly sure what he would want me to apologize for.

I’ve tried asking Mom for advice, but he baffles her and she says there is nothing I can do. Pop couldn’t help when he was alive either, not only because he didn’t understand it but he was enduring his own continual insults from my brother. I watched Pop sit there sobbing after a phone call with my brother, while Pop was sick but not diagnosed. That makes me angrier than any of the things my brother ever did to me. Apparently, to this day my brother is angry at Pop for not finishing the extension. Well he died damn it!

 The point is, all these experts that lecture how you must go to any length to have a good relationship with your siblings, tell me how the hell I can fix this. All those years of putting up with it, trying to make peace, trying to talk, reflexively saying I was sorry, occasionally arguing back intently and generally enduring sure didn’t help........

[therefinedrebel]

So I Now Have a Buzzcut

Surprise! I relatively recently decided to go natural and this weekend I did the “big chop”.

There’s no where to start but at the beginning so I’ll start there.

My great grandma was a white British lady, great grandpa was from the West Indies. My grandpa inherited a naturally soft texture of hair as a result, and my mom got her hair from him. Because of this she always had hair that was relatively easy to maintain, and that grew way down to her back almost effortlessly. So when she had kids with my dad, whose genes seem to be pretty much your typical Afro-Caribbean all around, she just couldn’t deal with our coarser hair types.

And I say all this to state that I’ve had my hair relaxed since I was 6 years old. I don’t even really remember my hair before that, and can only tell from pictures and stories about what it was like. I know that once when I was little I fell asleep with gum in my mouth and when I woke up it was all over my hair, so mum had to cut my hair into two “picky” pigtails - though it was so short at the time it could barely fit. And pictures do show that it was very thick and frankly looking frazzled and dry.

But my relaxed hair was a great source of pride for me, because it was always much softer and longer than my siblings and anyone else in my family except my mom. It was pretty normal for people to ask me if I was wearing a wig/weave, and when I was in my prime it was so long and healthy that people didn’t even ask anymore - they just straight up assumed it was weave and asked where I bought such great quality.

I just couldn’t understand how some of my friends - including my best friend - didn’t have or want relaxed hair. My bff (and other friends) said their hair actually dropped when they attempted to relax it, so just remained natural after and I just couldn’t get it. Despite this my bff has been encouraging me to go natural for a looooong time, insisting that I could still have the long hair but just in a more healthy way.

She never was overbearing with it, although her insistence did become stronger during those few tough months leading up to me having to leave Canada when my hair was thinning out very badly from all the stress.

But the problem is - or was- that I HATE curly hairstyles. i think they can look very cute on others, don’t get me wrong. But personally I’ve hated whenever my hair got put into curls, even from when I was little. I’ve been the kind of girl who knows what she wants for a very long time, and curls are not it. For me that was what really made the natural thing lose its appeal. I very much love the ideology of going natural - that you’re not spending all this money to chemically alter your hair as if there is something inherently wrong with your natural hair that must be changed.

But for my personal style it was just the biggest turn off. Bestie insisted I could just straighten it but to me that suggested that it would not last as long as a relaxer so I shunned it.

BUT.

When I came back to this shithole that is my hometown, I had to keep cutting my hair over and over again because that thin spot in the back just refused to heal. It would grow as far as to my shoulders again, but never back to the glorious back-length that I had before. It would always be breaking in that one spot and I’d have to cut to barely neck-length once again.

So, earlier this year my sister went natural. She did a big chop but after transitioning for a while so she had some length by the time she went through with it. For her it’s different because, unlike me, she’s always loved curls so going natural made all the sense in the world. While relaxed she would often get curly styles then not comb her hair for days to keep the curls in, and now that she’s natural she gets to do all that while keeping it healthy. I’ll come back to this point later but seeing her progress was actually very reassuring for me when I eventually decided to join #teamnatural.

But in all seriousness it was actually spirituality that led me to this path and I sincerely thank my Goddesses and my ancestors for the guidance.

You see, having to move back “home” from Canada was incredibly traumatizing for me. And I often lamented over what I’d lost. Especially since at work there have been a few co-workers that function at the high school level so have been doing their best to turn the office into a “clique” situation and “bully” me. It has been grotesquely annoying because while I am their superior, I don’t have any actual power to enforce rules and my boss largely lets them run wild. my entire situation at work has been a shit show to be quite frank, because I do a lot but don’t get paid half of what I’m worth and have had -50 luck with finding another job because the economy is that shitty and my degree in English hasn’t exactly been helpful in a small ass town.

It was a source of great frustration and one day it came boiling over. My misophonia was being aggravated, the work environment was incredibly unprofessional to say the least, and I felt I was putting in so much more than I was getting back. And I got incredibly depressed, and starting once again thinking of how much I had lost in Canada. All that potential, all that happiness - lost. And for what? So I could be forced into this hell on Earth scenario?

It made me feel incredibly isolated spiritually as well. After all this time I had come to superficially accept that, for whatever reason, I was meant to be back here now. but I couldn’t rationalize why. i actually very seriously considered that I was being punished for something or many things, and that it was my curse to live out this sentence.

And then I realized something. While I’d been getting more into doing tarot readings, and actually doing a few for some of my bff’s friends, I never actually consulted the cards about what happened with Canada, and why the path led me here.

So I spent some time doing personal readings which were so clear they astounded me, and I spent some time meditating and thinking about my life based on the guidance from the cards. And I came to the conclusion that I’m here to start over with a fresh slate so that I can develop the life I want.

Letting go had been an incredibly hard lesson, but one I learned after all the kicking and screaming. But in a way I was still resisting by being so disgusted with my being here, rather than seeking to find the meaning of it.

When I was in high school, I didn’t care about anything. And I do mean anything, including physical appearance. I walked around looking quite terrible and not giving a shit because I hated everyone and everything, and nothing had meaning, but more importantly there was no need for me to care. I had no one to impress, no great mission to accomplish, I was honestly in a pessimistic way just being - which is the very goal of meditation (albeit in a different way).

Reflecting on the adult high school that is basically my work environment helped me to make the connections on this. That I’m here once again to just be. To just exist in a cocoon and take advantage of the freedom of not giving a shit so that I can develop my life into the butterfly I would like to see, and would be happy with.

The second part of the lesson, which I hadn’t even thought about until this point, was what comes after Letting Go - Beginning Again.

This was around the New Moon in Leo (talk about a real fire starter) and thinking on how the different aspects of the Triple Goddess shape me differently.

I  felt compelled to complete the cycle. To complete my letting go of the past - releasing the pangs of nostalgia and the resentment. To stop passively resisting the change - thinking on what I “lost” and longing to return. To stop investing in that which does not serve my greatest good - the bullshit at work and throwing myself so much into it, and letting my idiot co-workers get under my skin. To let myself be humbled and take this time to be “ugly” and not yet developed while moving into where I need to be.

So when all of this was thrown together in the pot of my life, I decided it was time to let go of my hair too. To start over anew, the natural & healthy way. I decided one evening, and the more I thought about it the more I decided to go for it.

I cleaned the house after not having the energy to for months. I started a diet regimen to lose weight and get down to where I’d like to be, and I forgive myself if I splurge one or two days a week. I started picking up hobbies that I’d put aside, and when I have some funds coming in I’m going to complete an online course. I’m meant to be at the “imperfect” in between stage right now, and I’ve come to terms & peace with that.

For a while I was thinking about whether I should transition or chop, but ultimately I decided I didn’t want to be carrying the past on my back anymore so decided to just completely shave it all in one go. Plus a hairdresser once told me that my hair apparently grows from its ends so keeping the past there literally seemed to only be stunting my growth.

I told no one, except bestie and even then I only spilled a few days before cause I was bursting with excitement and couldn’t keep it to myself anymore. My sister screamed when she saw me lmao, and it got my family buzzing about it very quickly.

But I absolutely LOVE the way it turned out. It felt soooo right to have it all sheared, even though the hairdresser kept stopping at different lengths and asking me if I was sure. I had no tears or regret, and even now my soul just feels so uplifted with my decision to accept this and begin anew.

I wholeheartedly plan on being a “straight hair natural” because as I’ve said, that’s just me. But this is of course a whole new journey for me since I’ve never had to actually deal with my or anyone’s natural hair. Plus I get now why they call it a natural hair journey, and it’s because everyone’s hair is different. There is so much exploring of my own self to do!

So far I can see that my hair grows in a similar pattern to my grandfather on my mom’s side - the top grows forward and the rest falls to its respective side. I remember being a kid watching him brush his hair and now I do it the same way lol. It’s just amazing that I’m almost 30 and never once knew that my hair grows like that.

My hair also feels very soft though, and since it’s known to grow quickly I’m excited to see how it will turn out. I have no idea what I’ll do to get it straight when it’s still too short for a flat iron but well I’ll just have to see.

I’m seriously happy with this and I’m very very very much excited to go forward. I’ve also been thinking about the potential to incorporate my witchcraft into this with hot oil treatments infused with certain ingredients and charged with intent.

In the long term I’m thinking I’ll dye it dark grey. And eventually get laser eye surgery so I can actually wear makeup and be able to see at the same time again. I’d like very much to setup a nice self for future me! My moments of hope are rare so I’ll seize them when I can.

[fairygal11]

Monkie Kid Rper Wanted: Here is My OC Intro and Ideas

Monkie Kid Episode: Fox Magic It was another day in The City, a modern technological city. The citizens were going about their usual business, cars passing down their respected streets, teenagers playing at the Anti-Gravity Arcade, children playing in the park. Holographic advertisements that displayed on different rooftops around the city, not to mention the different culinary shops that were scattered around different parts of the metropolis. In the very center of the city, a young lady stared in awe at the wondrous kingdom she found herself in. Her pink eyes sparkled with bewilderment as her jaw almost dropped to the ground. She wore a chique blue cheongsam top with white cherry blossoms scattered around that matched with her blue jeans, but her shoes were pink to match with her hair. The only thing unusual about her ensemble was the blue hat on her head with a pair of “ears” on them and a white tail that swayed behind her, but she tried to keep it still from her excitement. Jia: So this is the City......It’s way bigger then I’ve ever imagined it to be....So many people, so many buildings....:She walked down the street, hoisting up her bag a bit which appeared to be a tad heavy for her like she was going on a camping trip.: A city this big must also have a wide selection of book shops scattered about....gasppp~Or maybe a library-A city like this must have more then one library. As she stopped at a nearby traffic light, waiting for the light to change so to cross, she paused to stare down at a strange-looking bracelet that was on her left arm. It was a beaded Jade bracelet, yet each one was inscribed with ancient writing on each little bead. Her excited smile shrunk to a small one upon staring at the accessory, placing her hand over it as if it was a terrible scar she did not want anyone to see. When she heard the ding of the traffic light change to “Walk”, she started walking slowly to get to the other side while deep in her thoughts.

My OC Is Jia Li she is a teenager around MK and Mei's age.  She is a fox spirit. She can turn into a human, but she can't hide her ears or tail (Though she has 9 nails, but one is only shown. 9 tails when in her true fox form.) so she wears a hat to cover her ears and her tail is the only thing that sticks out-although if discovered on tail and ears she will lie that it is cosplay. She's a teen and is quite powerful, but she keeps her powers to herself for she doesn't want to be the center of attention or cause any harm or mischief to those around her. She wants to carve her own path than the ones her family has forged with their history of tricks and wickedness. She is afraid that people will not like her or resent her for being a fox spirit, all she wants is to be treated normally and like any other person. Most of all she wants to find a place of belonging while learning to hone her skills and learning to control her "other self"-She wears a Sealing Bracelet to keep her other self under check-mostly because for a fox spirit like her she rejects her mischief side and doesn't want to do bad stuff. If the bracelet is ever removed or she realizes it is gone, it will alert her other self and her other self takes over in the name of Rei. When this happens her pink/white tail and ears turns red/black to indicate Rei's arrival and her eyes change from pink to red.

she is friends with MK and Mei along with the crew. :3 Course the first episode in the game introduces her coming to THE CITY to start a new life-she comically runs into MK when he is on a noodle delivery run and neearly crashes her but turns and crashes into some trash cans. :3

ANyway Jia apologizes for the incident, but MK would say its cool and he notices he hasn't seen her around the city before and Jia says she's new and so MK decides to show her around while finishing his deliveries :3 He takes her back to the noodle shop and introduces her to his friends. :3

The first episode is MK and Mei showing Jia the fun stuff of the city and then deciding to throw her a welcome party on Sandy's Boat :3

Although during a game of volleyball-MK is hit in the face by the ball and falls overboard, Jia jumps in, but accidentally turns into her full Fox Form to get him out-When she realizes the odd looks she sees her reflection in something and shapeshifts into a falcon and flies off, but not before MK notices a bracelet she left behind when she dashed off.

Fearing that her friends will resent her for being a fox spirit, she takes refugee in a nearby abandoned theater, only to run into Yin and Jin and upon explaining her troubles to them, and being the tricksters that they are, convince Jia that MK and his pals knew she was a Fox spirit and wanted to lower her guard so to destroy her. They tell her that spirits and demons should stick to being friends with their kind. :3

Of course Jia believes this, but the brothers extend their friendship to her to be their friend and show her how REAL FRIENDS have fun-which turns out to be tricks and pranks which Jia resents deeply, but begins to find it fun to her surprise yet later discovers she lost her bracelet that keeps Rei in check and upon realizing it she transforms into her dark half-Rei. (The clothes also transform too to fit the color scheme) Rei thanks the boys for making Jia realize her bracelet was gone upon having fun with "harmless pranks" and wants to repay them by showing them how a REAL TRICKSTER does it. This causes Rei to use her Fox Magic around town and causing some chaos which alerts MK and his pals.

Upon learning "Jia" is responsible, Mk would try to get her to calm down and come back to them, but discovers it isn't Jia at all as Rei tells him that Jia was her goody goody half and the bracelet kept her from taking control of the sweetie pie. Then she says that he and his friends lied to her about being friends and want to destroy or seal her away because she is a fox spirit. And of course MK would be like, "What? Jia-Rei....Uh....Fox Girl, why would you think we'd want to harm our new friend just because she's different"?

And this will confuse Rei/Jia when she listens to MK's speech about how its okay to be different and just because she is a fox spirit doesn't mean that they hate her, they find it pretty cool and even compliments on her ears and tail. Thsi will allow Jia to gain some control over Rei upon a blush and when telling him what the Demon Bros told her, he tells her that they lied to her and friends never lie to one another.

Realizing MK and even when Mei chims in about how they like her for her, MK holds out the bracelet he found that she left behind. Touched by his act of kindness, she places the bracelet back on and reverts back to normal and reconciles with her friends and uses soem of her fox magic to fix the damage and scare the Gold and Silver demons :3

Of course this would cause the two brothers to be smitten with Jia in the next episode after the events of the first. Course this causes some sibling/love rivalry between the brothers as to wanting to win Jia's affection and comical antics take place. :3

That's what I got for a good intro episode for her :3 Plus I figure if Jin and Yin's hideout is an abandoned theater-they are tricksters and probably performers.

Also imagine how they'd scare Jia when she takes refugee in there :3 I imagine she gets scared and loses composure of her human form and reverts to her fox form.

I mean some stuff is WIP but I kinda picture it like that-ya know introvert fox spirit first time in big city, meets new pals, accidentally reveals her true form when rescuing a friend, falls into bad crowd when running off, causes some havoc, friends talk her out and reconcile is involved :3

And yeah-Jin and Yin are tricksters as we know, but also performers and they do have creative ideas and their hideout is a rundown theater :3

Plus you saw the size of that scheme book-that is like 500 years worth or more in it.

Course they should work on their steps a bit more on schemes

This is just a sample of an incredible story that is yet to be written, yet to be told and a mysterious introvert bookworm with a secret to be revealed. This little intro to a episode in progress introduces a Fox spirit named Jia Li. Uh huh....that's right  THIS IS JUST A sample of my work. Of course it is a challenge to write what I got in mind. That is why I am looking for a writer who would love to collab with me on bringing Jia and my ideas and also their ideas to life in a fun game For this girl is looking for fun, creativity, flexibility and the writing prowess to make this into something more. So who among you writers finds my intro to Jia intriguing and wants to collab? Also if you wanna hear more....well BUCKLE UP. I got a good sum on this little number Soooo~Now that I dished out some hot, steamy potstickers of deliciousness and awesomeness. What do you think? :3 Anyone wanna collab and role play? Message me here or contact me on deviantart under Fairygal11 or on discord under Truffula Ghost (#9884). 

[pixelara]

Umm...I don’t really know how to call this

I wasn’t actually tagged by anyone, just saw this tag game thing and thought: sure why not? hahahaha

Nickname: Lari and sometimes Pixel (I love both equally)

Star sign: Is there any difference between star signs and zodiac signs? Because I know my zodiac sign is taurus :0 Not sure what a star sign is though

Height: I have no idea how tall I am :’’’) It’s been ages since the last time I checked, but I constantly get that I’m too short for my age

Last thing I googled: “crypt fo the necrodancer amplified news” FUCK THERE’S A TYPO!

Favorite music artists: The Strokes, This Providence, AC/DC, Queen, Led Zeppelin, Keane, My Chemical Romance, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Three Days of Grace, and Panic at the Disco. I also love listening to video games’ OST and chiptune music :D

Song stuck in my head: Titenic parody song (JonTron and Schmoyoho)

Last movie I watched: My friends and I watched this movie called “Killer Klowns from Outer Space”, I laughed so hard that I then had to deal with a sore throat for a couple of days {totally worth it}

Last tv show I watched: Modern Family

What are you wearing right now: A Navy blue and turquoise tshirt with some ripped jeans and a Zelda wristband c:

When did you create your blog: I’m not entirely sure? But I think it was last year or something? Although I started using tumblr about a month or so

What kind of stuff do you post: Usually video games I love and had played, also some art I find inspiring and beautiful to look at and some funny stuff too

Do you have other blogs: I used to but forgot everything (ID, Email, password) so atm I just have this one c:

Do you get asks regularly: Nope! Sadly most of them are Anons so I can’t reach them afterwards to chat and stuff :( I’m soooo lucky to have such a lovely ask box though! 

Gender: Female

Hogwarts house: Slytherin for sure!

Pokemon team: Team Instinct forever 💖

Average hours of sleep: Like....around 4 or 6 on normal weekdays and 15 hours if nobody cares to wake me up

How many blankets do you sleep with: It depends in whether I sleep with the air conditioner on or not, if so I go with 2 thin blankets and a top fluffy cover which is super dense. Otherwise I go with just one :>

Dream job: Video game artist for Nintendo

Following: 159 Blogs :D

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The alphabet tag:

Age: Currently 17, turning 18 this year (04/29)

Biggest fear: Public speaking 

Drink I last had: Coke

Easiest person to talk to: My best friend

Favourite song: I can’t answer that SO MANY CHOICES

Grossest memory: Idk, my memory sucks

Hate: When people use their phones and ignore their surroundings, even when other people try to have a decent conversation with them!

Inspired by: Video games, music, art, technology, among other things (?)

Jealous of people: I guess I’m jealous of people who have healthy eyes? Dunno really

Killed someone: WHAT? Who told you that

Love at first sight or should i walk by again: Huh? I don’t get this question like what even....

Number of siblings: 2

One wish: Happiness :D

Person I last called: The other day I called my best friend since she wasn't answering the door when I went to her house 

Question I always get asked: People always guess I’m like 3 sometimes even 5! years younger than what I'm actually supposed to be. So when I pop the bubble by telling them “Dude, I am actually ** years old” it always goes the same way and answer with “Are you really *insert current age* years old?“ 

Song I last sang: Bleach and One Piece’s openings

Time I woke up: 10 or 11 AM

Underwear colour: ....

Vacation destination: Any of the european countries!! The architecture, museums and overall history found in Europe is out of this world!

Worst habit: Mumbling and  Procrastinating

Favourite food: I’m extremely picky with food so I literally have like 6 foods I can eat normally, If get tired of my “favorite food” I just switch to another dish and that goes on until forever like a never ending cycle

Zodiac sign: Taurus

I’m tagging: @caitilines @siverwrites @juicylucy66 @lissasbrand @hype-kaminari-kun @inigo-official  But if you don’t want to do this, don’t worry!! It’s totally fine :D No pressure