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coochiequeens · 1 year

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A man in panties that said “SugarMoney” presented at an LGBTQ+ Art festival organized by three biological men.

A trans activist known for staging protests involving human urine was invited to perform at the Tate Museum on Sunday, where he gave a reading while dressed in women’s underwear.

The event, part of Queer and Now, an LGBTQIA+ art festival, was organized by three trans-identified males; June Bellebono, Jamie Cottle, and Carly Yvoty Fernandez. The three read excerpts from their publication, oestrogeneration, a magazine describing itself as a “platform highlighting transfeminine voices in the UK.” Content on the publication’s website is overtly sexual and promotes the sex industry.

The men who presented their publication read selected articles from the first issue, Tenacity, described as containing “essays covering orgasms, squatting and security culture,” which is self-lauded as “a dynamic display of the breadth of expressions our identities hold.”

“Mr. Menno,” a Dutch content creator who advocates for the rights of women and homosexuals, was in attendance at the event, and shared a number of disturbing photos and video clips to his Twitter.

In one video, Cottle can be seen reading an article aloud to an audience while wearing women’s lingerie. The crotch of the thong was emblazoned with the words “Sugar Money,” and Cottle’s testicle flesh appears to be faintly visible through the sides of the fabric.

Speaking with Reduxx, Menno explained that the presentation was intended for an audience aged 16 and older, but that no barriers had been put in place and events for children were actively occurring in other parts of the museum.

“I didn’t see any children there at the time but the area was open, not closed off, no doors, anyone could come and go,” Menno said. “You could also go through this space to get to the room where the Museum of Transology had kid’s events.”

“[Cottle’s] whole outfit was geared to draw attention to his groin. It’s just so utterly bizarre to be face to face with guys who are clearly male calling themselves some kind of women. To me there’s something creepy about the name oestrogeneration, basing the identity of a whole generation of men around taking synthetic drugs to acquire female-typical hormone levels,” he said.

“I don’t know why I should somehow see them as my ‘siblings’ just because I’m gay. I want nothing to do with it. Yet this is ‘queer’ in the U.K. and I’m told this is my community,” Menno continued. “And at one point when the audience had gathered to listen to their talks he turned around to push the table back, showed his bum, giggled, and got some cheers from the audience.”

The most recent article featured on the oestrogenerationsite is called “Against All Odds, I Will Cum,” and is accompanied by an illustration of a childlike figure.

The author, a trans-identified man named Samantha Lacob, describes his masturbation habits after he began taking estrogen, and claims that he experiences “orgasm synesthesia.”

“Like most transfeminine people I was born with a penis… it was harder to achieve an erection and almost impossible to keep it, but also, not necessary. I got there in the end, a bit over 4 months after surgery and after a lot of wanking,” the article reads.

Featured on the cover of oestrogeneration is a trans-identifying male who has worked as a general practitioner for over 20 years. Dr. Kamilla Kamaruddin, originally from Malaysia, serves as a board member for Spectra, a non-profit organization which offers HIV testing, STI screening, gender identity workshops, and “social groups for young people.”

Kamaruddin works for the National Health Service (NHS) and acts as the clinical lead for the East of England Gender Service, Cambridge. He campaigns to encourage the NHS to partner with transgender lobbying groups.

One article from oestrogeneration presented and written by Cottle, titled “A Strong Feeling of Desperation,” is written in the form of experimental prose and contains sexual language.

“Walking here felt as it always does, my desires rendered in retinal surveillance; their lust, my lust, meeting, fleeting outside Oxford circus, in a primordial slime of the vitreous inside eyes… Gabriel’s angels brim with life, fakery, and lust; they are droplets of cum ossified into marrow and faux pearls sewn into satin.”

Cottle, a trans-identified male who uses the moniker “Biogal” on social media, is associated with a protest group that calls themselves Pissed Off Trannies, or POT.

Twice in the past year, POT has staged demonstrations that involved dumping large quantities of human urine outside of the Equality and Human Rights Commission (EHRC) to protest laws that strengthen women’s protections. A recent Instagram post suggests they may be using water mixed with turmeric to supplement their urine.

Most recently, members of POT gathered outside of the EHRC on May 22 to leave 90 liters of their supposed waste around the perimeter of the building.

The protest was in response to a recent statement by chief executive of the EHRC, Melanie Field, in which she affirmed the definition of “sex” in a show of support for protections for biological sex as a protected characteristic, as well as for plans to prevent trans-identified males from accessing women’s facilities on self-declaration.

“Pouring piss is an anarchist act of resistance that stakes an urgent and lingering claim on our basic human rights … If you take away our toilets we will make one on your doorstep,” POT stated in an Instagram post depicting the protest.

After staging his first protest outside of the EHRC last year, Cottle boasted about his actions on Instagram, revealing his association with the group. As reported by Vice, during the demonstration, Cottle “pissed [himself] in [his] bejewelled gown, before pouring bottles of urine on [himself] and the pavement outside the building, all the while shouting: ‘The EHRC has blood on its hands and piss on its streets.'”

Other performances by Cottle, which he claims are demonstrations of trans activism, are similarly graphic.

In one performance from 2022, simply titled “FISH,”Cottle strips while slapping himself with a dead fish. In another from that same year, titled “Prayer for the Pearl Oyster,” Cottle is seen wearing women’s underwear, transparent platform heels, and a pearl necklace. He rips fabric, tosses about oysters, and screams while stomping on the shells. Cottle then begins writhing, strips naked, and removes a sex toy from his anus.

By Genevieve Gluck

Genevieve is the Co-Founder of Reduxx, and the outlet's Chief Investigative Journalist with a focused interest in pornography, sexual predators, and fetish subcultures. She is the creator of the podcast Women's Voices, which features news commentary and interviews regarding women's rights.

He was dressed like this

When not only kids were in the museum but there were kids events in the next room. This sounds like some kind of exhibitionist fetish. If kids saw him he could claim that kids weren’t supposed to see him. It was the parents fault for not making sure their kids were in the right room. You can’t be mad at an LGBTQ+ artist during an LGBTQ+ event, right?

Weird that for years the ideology was don’t make a big deal out of a trans woman’s penis because it makes them feel very insecure to not be like real women. And now they are dressing in outfits to draw attention to the groin.

#Tate museum #UK #London #Queer and Now #June Bellebono is a man #Jamie Cottle is a man #Carly Yvoty Fernandez is a man #oestrogeneration #A magazine run by men promotes the sex industry #The museum of Transology had kids events

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imperialmask · 4 months

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Imp's Future Plans

Hello! Imp here, back with a small notice to share. Don’t worry, it’s nothing bad, the next chapter of Homeworld Bound is probably gonna be out on time and if not then I’ll hit you with a double chapter for half term.

This post is just some small notices about the writing series and other projects I’ll be running at some point this year.

Homeworld Bound

HWB is still my top priority when it comes to this blog and my content creation. Next chapter is about 30-40% done but I’ve hit a slight roadblock with a certain character, my perfectionism told me to rewrite them and so I am but that’s almost done so I’m hoping for the normal release on the 22nd but there’s a chance I have to stop again and if I do then don’t expect it until the 29th.

If things are confusing and expository so far, I’m sorry. The story requires a lot of explanation, especially the world building, so I have to yap for a second to try and make sure people understand what’s going on. Other than that, I’m proud of how it’s turning out and I hope you lot enjoy it.

My plan is to get to the end of Volume 1 by Halloween 2024 and then take a break until the New Year or sooner. I want to take that time to focus on other projects to go on this blog, my personal life and to build up a back log of chapters. That last one is the main determining factor of when Volume 2 releases.

Lyrics to a Song You’ll Never Hear

Ah Lyrics, my neglected older child. I’ll be completely honest, I wrote lyrics on a whim one night because I had an idea for a romance story and the name came to me one day. I have big plans and an idea for how the story should be but i lack the same interest in it that i have in Homeworld Bound and other projects. I want to write for Lyrics but I’ll probably pick it up when Homeworld Bound goes on break or I might put it on a fortnightly schedule so I don’t stress out about it.

Future Series

Speaking of Homeworld Bound taking a break, the main other project I want to focus on along side Homeworld Bound is officially in production. I’ve had the idea for it kicking around in my head for ages but I’ve always failed to truly develop it further purely out of my own lack of interest, yet I had an idea one day that practically fixed everything.

The series is called Arkadia and it’s a sister show to Homeworld Bound. While Lyrics and these 2 are what I call sibling shows (wrote around the same time by the same author and are linked in their production), Arkadia and Homeworld Bound have some more similarities than Lyrics do (similar genre, similar world building, similar style).

It's a fantasy show to contrast the dark fantasy to science fantasy Homeworld Bound. It'll use the same magic system and share similar themes, i'll leave out any plot details for now but if you love Homeworld Bound, you're gonna want to read this.

Aiming for a Summer release but if not, i'll wait for HWB's break.

I have plans for 1 final show after this and this one's a Homeworld Bound spinoff called Scapegoat. It's about one James Gar, a man blamed for the Cataclysm event that destroyed Gen and branded a terrorist, becoming the galaxy's most wanted. The show follows Gar exploring the galaxy, hiding from the Cosmic Federation and attempting to prove his innocence by tracking down the real culprit.

Other Projects

If you like my content, check out my Youtube! I'm planning to start uploading in the summer. i originally wanted to start doing Youtube back in March and April but exams, coursework and family stuff got in the way. The main form of content will be Video Essays but really anything can go up on there. My schedule is clearing up soon so expect more content there soon. I plan for my first video to either be Horimiya or Jason Takes Manhattan.

So yeah, here's the links!

Well, see ya next Wednesday.

#fiction #my writing #original story #web series #writers #writing #funny #comedy #lyrics to a song you'll never hear #arkadia #homeworldbound #imperialmask

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shedoessoshedoes · 3 years

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You Belong With Me (Elriel’s Version)

Hi!!!! reposting bc old account got deleted lolz! Here’s my take on what I think would happen if Az got to be Taylor Swift in the “You Belong With Me” music video :)

@justheretoreadsposts hi! again!

He’s laying on his bed doing homework when he hears them start fighting. Through the open window, Az can see her. Elain. She’s on the phone with her boyfriend, Greysen, and he’s upset. It seems like he’s going off about something that she said. He rolls onto his back and holds his notebook up to write on it. He’s near certain the fight is about a sarcastic comment Elain made that Gresen was too much of an idiot to understand. Greysen just… never gets Elain’s humor like he does.

They’ve been best friends for as long as he can remember. They live in college apartments next to each other, and his window faces hers. They’d grown up together, too, running around and riding bikes until it was pitch-dark out, holding pretend weddings for their siblings, Feyre and Rhys, and trying to find ways to push Nesta, Elain’s other sister, and Azriel’s brother Cassian together. His favorite part of their friendship is their notes. Since their rooms are right near each other, they’d taken to writing each other notes and holding them up. In middle and high school, they’d passed the notes, but now they didn’t need to. The content of the notes varied from day to day, but the sentiment remained. She was always busy, the popular cheerleader, and since he was always at home in his room studying, this was their most efficient way of communication. His sign now finished, he holds it up. “You ok?”

She looks up to see him framed in the window and writes back quickly: “Tired of drama.”

He flips the page and scrawls out another note: “Sorry :(“ She shrugs, and as he looks away to write another note, she closes the window curtain, so when he holds up a note that says “I love you,” there’s no one there to see it. That seems to be an accurate representation of their relationship. Azriel has loved Elain for as long as he can remember, but she’s never seemed to pick up on his less-than-platonic thoughts and feelings. His brothers have observed it, and have no trouble teasing him about it day and night, and telling him to man up and let her know how he feels. Az simply responds by telling them both that they should tell their own respective Archeron sisters how they feel too.

Rhys, like Az, has been in love with Feyre since they were kids, but has maintained a (mostly) platonic relationship with her-up until he slept with her a month ago but never told her he had feelings for her. He’s still working out how to deal with that. Cassian has very obviously held an interest in Nesta for who knows how long, and is always very vocal in his interest in her, both emotionally and physically. Nesta attempts to ignore all advances.

He stuffs the paper under his pillow as he gets off the bed and moves to grab another binder from his backpack. No less than five seconds later, Cassian comes barreling into the room, asking for help on his English essay, with Rhys trailing behind, giving out suggestions. Just a normal Tuesday night in Azriel’s shared apartment.

He goes to his laptop and turns on “Lookalike” by Conan Gray off his writing playlist for music inspiration. Both Az and Elain love this song, but the one time she tried to play it for Greysen, he asked why anyone would listen to such weird music when they could listen to his pre-game rap instead.

He hated Greysen. He’d waltzed into Elain’s life during freshman year, and had only begun dating her after he learned that Elain was a member of their university’s cheerleading team. Greysen didn’t care to learn about what made Elain Elain, didn’t care to hear stories of her day, didn’t care when she got excited because she did well on an exam. Azriel did. He cared, and he asked about what was going on, and he knew where she came from, and where she wanted to go in the world. No one could know Elain’s story like he did.

Cassian flopped down onto Az’s bed and groaned. “Stop pining over her already. We all know that you love her, and you’ve been in love with her for years and you never do anything about it.”

“Oh, like you tell Nesta all about your feelings when you’re trying to talk to her,” Az shot back. Since they’d been in high school, Cass had made it very obvious that he was extremely interested in both an emotional and physical relationship with the oldest Archeron sister. A year ago, Nesta had succumbed to Cass’s perusals and the two had begun a purely physical relationship, consisting of Nesta acting like she hated Cassian, Cassian flirting with her and making dirty jokes, Nesta being exasperated, and then the two of them proceeding to have extremely loud sex at one of their apartments. Since Elain shared with Nesta, and Az shared with Cassian, they frequently came to the other’s place when the two were together.

Cassian only grinned. “She knows she loves me. Only her body knows how to tell me, though.” Rhys threw a pillow at his head. Cassian chucked it back and flipped him off. “You’re one to talk-you and Feyre can’t seem to get enough of each other these days.”

Rhys smirked and turned his attention back to Azriel. “Seriously, though. Why haven’t you just told her? There’s no way she would actually want to be with Greysen over you.”

Az ran a hand over his face. “I don’t know- it’s just I feel like he’s somehow better than me. Like, he’s always parading around in his football uniform, and the closest thing I have to that is my old Aaron Rodgers t-shirt. He plays for the football team, and I am literally a band kid. I just sit here praying that one day she’ll wake up and realize that she’s been looking for someone like me to spend her life with, and that I’ve been here the whole time.”

“Okay, so what do you want to do about that? Dress like someone else?” Cassian questions. “You’ve got two other people here, put our clothes on, see if that helps you with this,” he gestures vaguely in Az’s direction. “Situation.”

Rhys jumps up. “That’s actually a brilliant idea. Fashion equals confidence!”

“No, I just-” too late. Rhys has already left to find different things for him to wear, and Cassian is close behind.

“We’re going to make you fabulous!” Cassian yells as he leaves the room.

They come back with other clothes for Az to try on: all black, mostly athletic, with one hot pink tank top that Cassian mysteriously seems to have obtained from a certain Nesta Archeron. Azriel tries a few different things on, as his music transitions to “Show Me Your Fangs,” by Matt Nathanson. Nothing feels right, so he ends up back in his pajama pants with an old high school t-shirt on. Cassian grabs him and pulls him into a dance, claiming it's ‘practice’ for when his time comes to sweep Elain off her feet with a big romantic gesture, and Rhys claps a rhythm behind them.

They’re all so distracted none of them notice the girl herself peeking out from behind a closed curtain, eyes fastened on only one of the brothers. She laughs at their antics and then lets the curtain fall closed, retreating back into her room.

After his brothers clean up for the night and head back to their respective rooms, Az flops back onto his bed and sighs. He’s standing right in front of her, and she doesn’t even seem to notice. He grabs his notebook and shows one more note to the closed window before falling asleep himself: “Why can’t you see you belong with me?”

The next day, Azriel’s supposed to meet Elain in a park for one of their bring-your-own-coffee study traditions. He’s sitting at a table reading Pride and Prejudice for one of their English classes when he sees her from across the path, in worn-out jeans and-is that his sweatshirt?

“Hey,” she says, more tired words than anything.

He finds himself unable to speak, unable to do anything but stare at her in his old cross country sweatshirt, long hair curtaining around her face as she leans over to pull her battered book out. This is how it should be: the two of them, with coffee on a park bench, her in his sweatshirt, talking about their favorite book.

She sits back up and gives him a look. “What?” he asks, confused.

“You good?” she questions. “You look like you just got punched in the stomach.”

Az rearranges his face into a carefully schooled neutral expression. “Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Just-just-I can’t believe how badly Darcy’s first proposal goes, no matter how many times I read it.”

Elain laughs, and he finds herself stuck on her smile. It could light up their entire town, and she never seems to let it show anymore, especially when Greyson’s around. “You know, of all the people I’m friends with, you are the last one I’d peg as a Pride and Prejudice nerd and yet, here you are. I forget how much you like it.”

He blushes, ducking his head: “I don’t like it that much,” he protests.

“The last time we watched the Kiera Knightley version together, you cried when Lizzy told Darcy his hands were cold. If that’s not stan behavior, I don’t know what is.”

They laugh about the book for another hour and a half as they go over discussion questions until Elain’s phone rings. She picks it up, looking slightly panicked. “Gray, what’s up?” Az can hear an angry voice on the other end of the line as Elain tries to figure out what’s going on. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry, I forgot, but I’m just in the park, you can come pick me up?” She stands, as she hangs up the phone. “I’m so sorry, apparently I had a date planned with Graysen I’m late to-we can finish this later?”

Azriel nods, his face betraying no part of the anger he can feel growing in his chest. “Yeah, of course. Let me know whenever.” He watches as Graysen pulls up in his obnoxious red convertible, picking up Elain, and blatantly ignoring him. It was so obvious Elain deserved so much more. As he walks home, he finds himself singing along to an old Taylor Swift song playing through his headphones; “you belong with me…”

Two weeks later, Az is laying face down on his bed, dreading the night before him. It's the weekend of the last football game of the season, so there’s a formal to celebrate for the players. Elain’s going with Graysen. Of course. Even though Graysen has never come to anything for Elain. Meanwhile, Az has driven to her house in the middle of the night after her first boyfriend broke up with her and made her laugh when he cried as they watched Pride and Prejudice, and won “Friend Trivia” by knowing that her favorite song was “A Sky Full of Stars” by Coldplay. He listens to her as she tries to find meaning in her dreams.

He knows, he knows that none of that makes him deserving of Elain, but he can’t help but wonder: what if he’s the one that could truly make Elain happy? Everyone thought that it was “Elucien” as their friends liked to call it, as forever when they were in high school, but then they went to college and Lucien met Vassa, and they went their separate ways. And Az let himself hope, just for a split second, that maybe this was his chance to tell her how he felt, but before he got the chance, Graysen had swooped in, all empty promises and football player charm, so here he was, alone as she went out with someone he loved.

His plan is to lay in bed, study for his finals next week, try not to feel too sorry for himself, and watch Pride and Prejudice (again) if all else fails. He rolls over on his side to see Elain through the window, dressed up and nearly ready to go. She sees him and waves, and bends over her desk to write him a note: “You going tonight?”

He replies quickly with a “No, studying,” to which she looks extremely disappointed.

Elain rights back sooner than Az thinks is humanly possible: “Wish you were!” With that, she turns to leave as she picks up her phone. He assumes Graysen is calling; Elain looks upset even as she steps out her bedroom door. Rolling back over to in an attempt to find what he needs to study, Az uncovers a note from a few weeks ago. “I love you.” His head snaps up, an idea forming.

An hour later, Azriel’s at the dance, dressed up, with a sign in his pocket. He finds Elain, standing alone without Graysen, and before either of the can speak, he holds up his sign. ‘I love you.’ Before he can even start to explain himself, to hope that he didn’t overstep or ruin anything for her with Graysen, she’s holding up a sign of her own: ‘I love you.”

His face morphs back into his “I just got punched in the stomach” expression as she laughs, even though her eyes seem to fill with tears. “Graysen and I broke up twenty minutes ago. Apparently, he doesn’t want to be seen with someone that only ever seems to talk about another guy. That, and we haven’t gotten along well in months.”

Azriel laughs: a sound no one in the room’s never heard before, a breathless sound. She steps into him and he scoops her up, kissing her hard, not caring that anyone can see them, not caring that Greysen can probably see them. He’s waited his whole life for this, and he’s going to enjoy it. He breaks their kiss to press his forehead to hers, asking helplessly, “Do you want to get out of here?”

She nods, falling into him as she kisses him again, hard and long and steady. “Yes. Please. Besides, if we can’t think of anything to do, we can always watch Pride and Prejudice again. I’m always down to see you cry at romantic climaxes.”

He grabs her hand, pulling her out of the room and towards his car, kissing her against it as he opens the door “Keep this up, and you’ll be the one crying at a romantic climax.” She seems to shudder at his promise and he closes the door behind her as she gets in, fist-pumping as he goes around to his side.

They do have a romantic climax. A few, actually. It's the best night of both of their lives, and Elain comments that they might give Cassian and Nesta a run for their money based on how much noise they made. He lays next to her, arms around her, and realizes that he was right as they drift off to sleep, whispering sweet nothings, whispering that they love each other: they did belong together.

Yay!! thank you so much for reading!! comments/follows/likes/constrictive criticisms are always appreciated!! suggestions are open

#elriel #elriel fic #shadow bat and flower girl #azriel #elain #acotar

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jzixuans · 3 years

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blink, i am not gonna like, you are intriguing me about untamed

ahhhhsdhfdshjhjdfs omg it’s so good L pls pls join me i’ll copy paste the pitch i give everyone

the untamed aka chen qing ling (陈情令）

one season, 50 episodes, 45 minutes each, found on netflix or we tv or youtube, adapted off of the web novel mo dao zu shi (魔道祖师) by moxiang tongxiu

other adaptations include: the donghua (animated), the manhua (comic/graphic novel), the chibi series (animated), the audio drama, and the cql video game

60% classic tragedy, 40% buddy cop mystery, 100% yearning and found family (and so !!!! many!!!!! sibling!!!!!!! relationships!!!!!!!!!!!)

your faves WILL die but the rest of ur faves will live (and one fave will do both)

your faves are terrifyingly competent and also deeply fundamentally stupid. the duality of man.

chosen soulmates main characters, in the sense of "my equal on every level, the one who knows me best, the one who hears the melody of my heart"

said soulmates have a song that one of them wrote the other, the title is literally their ship name, it plays whenever they so much as look at each other on screen

yearning, pining, miscommunication, coparenting, non-verbal communication, protecting each other on the battlefield, what more do you want

the timeline spans multiple generations, so you not only get to witness the consequences of their actions, but you also get to see your faves take care of kids!! and you get to see each generation grow better and kinder than the last!

themes of: justice, black-and-white morality, found family, corrupt political/societal systems, the price of war, where is the line between guilty and innocent?, why you should treat people who work in customer service nicely, classism, sacrifice, rebirth, unconditional love, truth and lies, multigenerational trauma, breaking the cycle of abuse, and more !

it's funny as fuck!!!!

u get to laugh at classic cdrama sfx <3 (real talk tho i think they sacrificed sfx in favour of emotional storytelling + good costume/set design so i am 1000% okay with this)

banger soundtrack

all of them can b read as queer and many ships can be had

the dark scenes are actually well-lit and visible!!! (with the exception of one but u don't need to see it to cry)

cinnamon topography (but rlly so much analysis to b found in the camera angles and framing and colour symbolism)

so many parallels and motifs u could throw a dart at any time stamp and write a hundred and one essays about that scene

a rlly interesting study in cause and consequence bc like a million things led up to each moment but u can also go back down the timeline and be like. Hm. what if This happened instead and the whole timeline would change so it's a super cool thing to explore in fic

the fic and art in the fandom FUCK (might i direct you to my all time favourite fic: the wangxian time war au with banger lines such as "i woke up that morning to an absence of you, and the loss was maddening. it nearly undid me. is it any wonder, then, that our words for love and loss are shaped the same way in our mouths?" and "here is a lie i have told—it was not my first lie, nor will it be the last. but it lingers with me, and it reminds me of you, so i suppose that is all that matters." and more!)

#what do u think do i make a good spokesperson #alkaysani #L tag #ask

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reeny-chan · 3 years

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Accepting Love

Trigger warnings: abuse, trauma, suicidal thoughts

Jeffrey Marsh

My sister recently shared with me the Instagram account of a person named Jeffrey Marsh, a non-binary life coach. I don’t know Jeffrey’s pronouns, because they are not listed on Jeffrey’s Instagram, Twitter, or website, so I will only be referring to Jeffrey by name in this essay.

I listened to a couple of Jeffrey’s videos this morning while getting ready for work. I was not prepared for the emotion Jeffrey was presenting. I was not prepared for the emotions I would feel upon hearing Jeffrey’s words, and Jeffrey’s emotions. I know Jeffrey has many, many videos (not to mention books, etc.), but after listening to two whole videos, I stopped. I had to stop. I decided I wasn’t strong enough to listen to any more videos.

That’s what I told my sister: “I don’t think I’m strong enough for this.”

Why, though? Why do I need strength to watch a video? I’ve seen frightening movies. I’ve seen real-life, unedited videos of deadly accidents as part of driver and workplace training. Hell, I managed to make it through “The Passion of the Christ” back during the days I was still indoctrinated as Catholic (though I did have an emotional breakdown at the end of it).

So why am I incapable of watching a video where a person gushes about how much they love themselves and how I should love myself?

I am transgender. I transitioned to bring my body and my outward life closer to how I feel inside. I didn’t do those things out of self-hate. I did them out of self-love. If I didn’t love myself enough to face all the tribulations that transitioning requires, it would have been simpler just to end my life. But I loved myself, and I loved my family, my children, and I didn’t want to leave them with the trauma of losing me to suicide.

So if I love myself, why is such gushing, effluviant love too much for me?

The Venturi Effect

For those of you who took middle school science, you’ve probably heard about the Venturi Effect. In short, when a fluid is flowing through a tube, if a section of the tube is constricted but still allows the fluid to flow through, the fluid in the constricted section speeds up. I once learned the physics behind this, but in short, it’s why water comes out a garden hose faster if you attach a nozzle to the end of it rather than leaving hose’s end wide open.

Growing up, I and my siblings received love conditionally. We rarely, if at all, got any at all from our father, and our mother only gave it out when we behaved, when we did good things, and when she wasn’t actively having one of her frequent and very vocal nervous breakdowns. I’m 25 years removed from that life, but it’s taken me that long to really take a critical look at the first 18 years of my life, how it has affected me into middle age, and how abnormal it was compared to what it should have been. Most of that is thanks to my sister, who received by far the worst of our parents’ behavior and conditionality, and who is now choosing to relive that trauma by helping me come to terms with it.

The conditionality of the love from my mother, and the stark lack of it from my father, taught me to be as open as possible for any kind of love or real praise I could get. In my venturi metaphor, I made a very wide tube I could use to take in the slight trickle of positivity. At the end of that tube, though, where it actually goes into my heart, the tube is narrowed so it can force the scant amount of positivity into a stream with the kind of force that might make it feel, to me, to be almost normal. At least, what I think normal should be.

When I receive a lot of positivity, a lot of praise, I can’t handle it. It overloads me. People singing “Happy Birthday” to me or giving me gifts. Me receiving awards in school for whatever paltry achievements I made. Even, for the longest time, being told “I love you”. It was just too much. I would dread these things, and I would shut down when they happened.

It’s gotten better, I suppose, as I’ve grown older and have received more unconditional love. The nozzle has widened, at least a little, and the force with which it sprays that external love into my heart isn’t quite as painful as it once was. I may not shut completely down, but I do still feel like I’m overloaded, that I don’t deserve that much positivity.

And then Jeffrey Marsh’s videos showed me how unprepared I was for what is, apparently, a healthy amount of unconditional love.

Too Much For A Poor Girl Like Me

Long before I was a parent, long before I knew I’d been a woman all along, I made a promise to myself: I would not be like my own parents. I would not punish my children constantly, for minor things or even nothing at all. I would not scream at them. I would not threaten to kill myself because of their behavior, or because of their existence. I would not scream at God for “cursing” me with such a life.

That was all my mom. My dad would just, at my mother’s word, or often because he felt like it, grab the super-wide leather belt or flexible wooden backscratcher and smack the crap out of us.

Saying I don’t want to be these things is easy. Actually not being these things is hard.

I do my best to show my children love, even when they haven’t done anything to “earn” it. I hate even saying that, because love for your children, isn’t “earned”. It is “owed”. A parent owes love to their children. But, as a parent, and with my experiences as a child, I feel that I, now the parent, must earn that love from them. At least that makes a little more sense to me.

Is it too late for me to learn to receive that kind of unconditional love, though?

At times I think it is. I feel like I’m too stubborn to give up on the old habits of wallowing in misery, of assuming I’m annoying and that people only keep me around because they feel awkward about trying to get rid of me. Or that they only want me around because of what I can do for them. I wrote about this in my earlier essay about wanting to be “wanted”.

Some of it I come by honestly. I was bullied as a child, throughout elementary and middle schools. By high school I was so jaded that I’d built up a wall that kept me from accepting anyone’s friendship or caring. I knew there were girls who had crushes on me, but I never acted upon them because I refused to believe they were true. It took me until my senior year of high school (midway through, as a matter of fact) to let myself have an actual girlfriend - a fact my kids find both sad and hilarious.

But even today, a week after my 4xth birthday, it’s hard for me to accept that I’m loved. It’s too easy to slip under that old, comfortable blanket of darkness that tells me I’m not loved, I’m not worthy of being loved, and all sorts of other unhealthy things that I still take far too seriously. No matter how much therapy I’ve had, how much work I’ve put into aligning my inner self with my outer self. Into being the person I should have been.

So how can someone like me accept such an outpouring of love, wherever it comes from? Is there even such a thing as being strong enough to accept love?

If I knew, I wouldn’t be writing this blog post. But, maybe, if I find a way to force myself to listen, Jeffrey Marsh or someone like Jeffrey can teach me. But am I strong enough?

#jeffrey marsh #love #loving yourself #love yourself

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hellstenglow · 4 years

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Fiveya Meta: they need to talk

Endure me, I am on a fiveya-train and my thoughts don’t shut up.

After watching the most recent behind the scene videos of TUA season 2 we can conclude that they did make senseless choices in the plot because in some cases they had to. For example in the case of the snow storm created by Harlan in the final episode, that was added to the script because suddenly there have been a snow storm on the outside set the days before the scheduled filming and they couldn’t clean the place enough, in time for the recording. The snow was added.

I also think they could have written some of the characters better and given them real development (*cough* Luther, Ben *cough*). I wasn’t even a fan of the whole “Vanya lost her memory” thing, but I’ve read that Steve Blackman (the showrunner) doesn’t want to diverge from the original content too much (which is a bit silly to say since they did make major changes since season 1, but okay). I guess that’s why Vanya’s amnesia was still there, although they treated it differently. In the comics it was Mom-Grace who helped Vanya to find herself again and her own value, in the show it was Sissy who did it. I thought it was kind of a hint to the comics the fact Sissy resembled Show-Grace a bit (blond, kind and a mom). Did I think it was unnecessary to have a love interest for Vanya right after season 1? I did, but I justified the choice by thinking that the show wanted to give Vanya a taste of what real love (not like Leonard’s manipulative and abusive love) is supposed to be. I also thought it was a way to show how Vanya needs to stop clinging to the first person who gives her affection, attention and treats her with kindness. I hope she’d realize that and work on herself and family in season 3, first and foremost.

Even with the evident flaws I enjoyed season 2, especially because I decided to treat it as a passing by (detour/digression) chapter in a longer story. All Hargreeves siblings in the ‘60s tried hard to make a new life and ignored their actual life (Allison, Luther, Klaus) or had a convenient amnesia (Vanya) or focused on something too much to lose track of what matters (Diego). Everyone except Ben (who was not treated once again as a full character despite the apparent level up the PR promoted) and Five (who once again was running around in panic mode to stop an apocalypse). Remember Vanya saying, “New timeline, new me.” And Five replying “That’s NOT how it works.”? I may give the writers more credits than it is due, but I hope those two lines were some kind of meta messages for the more attentive viewers. Those two lines can explain perfectly season 2 to be honest.

Nobody can know how long a tv show would run, a fact that expose us to uncertainty. It’s always a gamble trusting writers and showrunners to deliver a good story, but all it’s fair game and one has only to accept it. I do not trust any of them, but I cannot help myself and still hope that they will not ruin everything. With all this said, let’s talk about something I think the show has to tackle in next seasons: Five and Vanya are two points of a theme that needs to be addressed and solved. They need to interact, talk and close their open theme together.

This is not a cohesive meta and I probably will lose myself in too many details, but I hope the message I am trying to convey will arrive. This is only my reading of the show and theories, so you can disagree. I just hope you’d find something interesting and maybe help someone to have a different perspective on what’s going on and where (I pray) the show will go. Here the points I will talk about, if you are in for a very verbose essay, please click on the “keep reading” button. Meanwhile I’ll wear my tinfoil crown and sip some margarita.

Five and Vanya are a theme

It was mean to be Ben

Why the Fiveya’s tension in S2 EP 7’s iconic scene is a symptom of something

I dare to hope in fiveya (at least until proven wrong)

1. We have a theme: Five wants to stop the apocalypse and Vanya is the apocalypse

It’s a twisted joke of the universe that the very thing Five is obsessed about in season 1 (the apocalypse) was caused by the person he trusted the most (“I’ve decided you’re the only one I can trust” - Five in S1EP1). The red thread that linked Five and Vanya can’t be more evident, that’s one of the reasons why I started shipping them. The family’s dynamic, the siblings’ relationships and bonds are equally important, they add layers and motivations to the story, but if we strip everything else and look at the core, we all know Five and Vanya are at the centre of it.

It’s not a simple coincidence that Five said “I’m the four horsemen”. At first, it’s just a funny line, because Five is drunk and he described himself as those fearsome figures (because he is the best assassin of the whole world and time. Death incarnated in his humble opinion). You don’t take him seriously when he said that line, you don’t pay attention to it.

However, later it gains a certain degree of truth. Subtly the show tells you that indeed Five is linked deeply to the “apocalypse” (Vanya), as much as the four horsemen (they are the prelude and the bringers of the end) are linked to the apocalypse (in the biblical sense). He lived it. He was trapped there for 45 years. He is obsessed with it. The Apocalypse is his business.

Timid little Vanya is the first person he looked for in the middle of the doomsday’s ruins and arguably his closest friend. On the first day of his return Five only have meaningful talks with Vanya. Five sought her to confide the horror of his memories and share the burden of the truth. He trusted her above everyone else. Then the universe made a laughingstock of him when it was revealed that Vanya caused the Apocalypse. Five didn’t know he was running towards her, despite wanting to go back to his family (her) all his life.

In the first two episodes of season 1 they made clear that Vanya and Five had an intimate bond in their childhood and still cared for each other after so many years, then the show proceeded to separate them until the finale. They tried so hard to keep them far away from each other during season 1 and we all know everything would have been different if they had time to properly talk, process their situation and find a solution together. Of course, the show didn’t give them that chance, otherwise the show would have ended in episode 3 and goodbye drama!

They did not confront each other in the end of season 1, they let Allison take that role because the show built up their connection as sisters and I didn’t dislike the choice. Did it work thematically? No, Allison has no connection with the apocalypse. That’s Five’s business. He didn’t confront Vanya, he let others take the lead in the most crucial moment and with no surprise the apocalypse still happened.

The other apocalypse in season 2 was still connected to Vanya and again Five ignored the cosmic signals and focused on dead ends. Despite knowing perfectly that the butterfly effect can come from any source, he didn’t even think about Vanya’s being the cause of the apocalypse again. Five should have listened Klaus when he suggested that Vanya might have been the cause. Funny how Klaus told him in S1 that he has an addiction and Five aggressively denied it. Funny how saving his family and stopping the apocalypse are always his top priorities, but Five still deny himself (for a reason or another) the time to confront Vanya (the apocalypse).

We have a theme waiting to be resolved: Five wants to stop the apocalypse and Vanya is the cause of the apocalypse. If Five does not confront Vanya the theme will never have a closure. It’s still open right now. It is still there, waiting to be picked up again. There is no resolution.

2. Vanya and Ben’s goodbye

The scene between Vanya and Ben was one of my favourites from season 2 and after pondering for a while I concluded that it couldn’t have been anyone else but Ben the one who helped Vanya in that moment. My theory is that the show will walk backwards the breaking points of Vanya’s life: Ben’s death, Five’s leaving and Reginald’s abuse.

Vanya is not fixed. How could she when she was barely Vanya in this season? “New timeline, new me” she said, but that was just a convenient escapism mechanism. Years and years of mentally and emotionally abuse don’t disappear in one week. The Hargreeves have still a lot to process and resolve, individually and as family. That’s why I hope the show will progress the story in the right direction and actually work on them in season 3. Especially Vanya, who needs to confront her trauma. That’s why the scene with Ben in episode 9 was necessary.

From Vanya’s book:

[…] Our everyday existence was full of evidence that Dad had [...]-pped into treating us like experiments. Not as children, but like animals. And what happened to Ben was the last straw that finally shattered the illusion for the others …

Ben died long time ago and his death was the last straw that shattered the illusion (for the others) that their father cared about them (even in his own messed up way). Everything changed from that moment and each sibling drifted away from one another after that. Ben’s death was the moment Vanya and the rest of her siblings stopped being a family. The definitive step of Vanya’s alienation from her siblings.

There was no place in the group for her. With Five’s absence and Ben gone (he is a caring brother, with Klaus is like that and I can imagine him being kind to Vanya in their childhood too. Although, Ben is not Five and we have seen him being harsh to her in the flashbacks in S1EP10), Vanya was truly lost.

The tearful and important moment between Ben and Vanya was a reverse moment in my opinion. Vanya needed that from Ben, his death heavily influenced the course of her life (everyone’s life) and it was only fitting that Ben should have been the one helping her to start again. It’s symbolic in a sense, but also very factual.

“Sorry that I left without saying goodbye” – Five, S1 EP2

“At least this time I can say goodbye.” – Ben, S2 EP9

I’m using my fiveya-goggles, but we all thought that what Five said in S1EP2 (when Vanya tried to find him at Hargreeves’ mansion) wasn’t just about him leaving her apartment. It’s a very specific line that works on double levels: text and subtext. The subtext of course refers to the day he run out the house and time jumped. I highlighted these two lines from Five and Ben because I think they share the same theme: leaving her without saying goodbye.

Vanya wasn’t on mission with the team when Ben died, and I doubt she even saw his body (or whatever remains were left) when the Umbrella Academy returned. She didn’t even see his manifestation during the Icarus’ fight, too focused in her own power. The scene between them in Vanya’s mind gave both the opportunity to make amend of untold words and missed moments.

Ben is dead, he is the one he cannot return. His departure is permanent, there is nothing they can do about that. However, they can have a closure. Ben needed to be the one first patching to mend Vanya’s relationship with her family, to remind her that she does belong. This sort of second death (finally move on into the Light) has more meaning than the first one, this time Ben completed the mission. He saved someone he loved (he couldn’t stop Klaus from destroying his life with drugs and alcohol) and could trust his siblings to take care of the rest.

I still think Ben didn’t need to die-die, but in a sense it was time for him to move on into the light. He was afraid to go on, but if he could move on so his siblings. It is time for Vanya to move on her own trauma.

(Yeah, I know. I still have problem with the scene because they erased canon in a way and Ben could do a lot more as character. They erased the fact drugs stop their powers like in Klaus’ addiction and Vanya’s pills, so how Vanya was able to use them under LSD? I tried to explain that to myself by the fact “they needed to bs that canon fact in season 1 and ignored it”.

We can also argue that Ben could have prevented the apocalypse in 2019 by doing the same thing, but in their defence S1-Ben didn’t know he could possess a body. Yeah, how did he do that without Klaus’ power help? No idea, that doesn’t make sense to me either. Ahah. I just swam with the flow at that point and accepted it as it is. Call it the power of superpowered siblings’ love. I’ve seen worse plot holes in my life. I can live with this).

3. Pass me the knife, there is some tension here!

From Vanya’s book:

Though prone to arrogance and outbursts, even more than the average preteen, Five was my sole confidante in the years before he disappeared. It almost seemed fitting […] the siblings to leave us, it would be him who [I fully?] […] who fully trusted me.

I said that Vanya’s walking backwards her life’s breaking points. So, after Ben’s death, she needs to address Five’s leaving. Five was her only confidante in the years before he disappeared, as she wrote in her book. Five was very important to young Vanya (and old Vanya needs to remember that) and I bet when he left, that was a scar never healed.

Vanya missed him and hoped for his return, for a while she kept the lights on in the house every night and prepared for him his favourite sandwich. When Five did come back Vanya couldn’t process that fact properly in season 1, all she could think of was that she didn’t want to lose him again. Five on the other hand decided that he would save everyone on his own and for that choice he made a bunch of tragic rookie mistakes.

Miscommunication is their kryptonite and right now Vanya and Five aren’t able to fully communicate at the same level. Reggie did such a good work at parenting that they’re so unfit to deal with their emotions and relationships, that will always be the root of their mistakes.

Same story in season 2, meanwhile Vanya is on the verge to provoke another apocalypse (although indirectly), as usual Five was too obsessed with his own plans and was not even aware of the situation. He knows nobody is insignificant when it’s about altering the timeline, but he always ends to focus on the wrong lead. The show again did incredible summersaults to avoid the two to interact properly and when they interacted things still didn’t work for a reason or another. She didn’t remember her past, he was not entirely sincere with her. She wanted to start anew (having a family with Sissy, easy-peasy), he is trapped again in a run against time to save his family. They are still not at the same page and for the show that is convenient. They still can play with their open theme (my point number 1 in this meta).

I don’t blame Five in S1 for thinking that if the worse happens, they would need to kill her. I think he was in a very delicate state of mind in that moment, he didn’t have time to process the fact Vanya (his favourite sibling and we all know she is his favourite) caused the end of the world. It was disappointing and cynical, but time was ticking fast, and he had been in his “maniacal-panic” mode for almost eight days. I also think he wouldn’t really kill her; he was the one who convinced the others that they needed to take her with them in the time jump. They need to “fix her” (aka help her to never feel alone in the universe and prove her we do love her) or they’re going to make the same mistakes again and again.

Just to be clear I think if Five wasn’t one day from the end of the world and in a rush to stop Vanya, he would had had the same reaction as Old Man Five in S2. His 14-days younger version take it very well “Fair enough” he said and then proceeded to tell Luther how to save Vanya, no mention about killing her whatsoever. Old Man Five had time (10 days more than our current Five) and a direct clue on how to stop the apocalypse (thanks Luther). Nobody was going to kill Vanya.

“Vanya will always be the cause of the apocalypse, unless we fix her.” - Five S1EP10

“Vanya is the bomb. She will always be the bomb.” - Diego S2EP8

Vanya is the bomb and she will always be the bomb unless she heals. A fact that can be added to my number 1 point in this meta, there is an open theme and they need to tackle it. Five and Vanya need to confront each other and resolve it.

This takes me to S2 EP7: the iconic stare-power stand between Five and Vanya. THE TENSION was real, and you could cut it with a butter knife. The first time I screamed at my screen, I felt like Gordon Ramsay in one of those episodes of “Kitchen Nightmare US” when someone finally serves him good food.

Of course, the immediate reading of the scene is that Five needed Vanya to come along and Vanya didn’t want to go because at that point these Hargreeves are still strangers to her (amnesia is so convenient), Sissy and Harlan are the ones she knows and loves in that right moment.

They were still able to cut each other with sharp words and hostile glares though. Five let her have what she wanted, not because he feared her, but because as usual he cares more about her feelings than what he would ever admit. It’s the second time in S2 he let her go, his soft spot and favouritism for Vanya was showing once again! *fakes surprise*

I think the tension shown in this scene is a symptom that Vanya and Five are on the verge of something they will (they have to) confront soon or later. This is the subtext reading I came out with.

Even if you don’t look at it with shipper goggle, you feel there is something going on. They let the viewers feel there is a sensitive something whenever these two have an alone scene together. All their alone scenes have a specific grade of intimacy, they made it clear since the scene in front of Five’s portrait. They care for each other, they love each other (sibling love, platonic love, we-could-have-been-something love etc…) and it’s there. However, Five left and Vanya never truly recovered from that. They didn’t process that fact and I truly believe they can’t move on until they heal that scar.

Basically, S2 EP7 Fiveya’s scene = We have to talk, but this is not the moment because the show is only on its second season! THIS TENSION IS HERE FOR A REASON.

4. Hope is the last thing to die

I shouldn’t trust a show, I’ve been disappointed so many times in the past years and showrunners of popular shows tend to be unoriginal and cowards. However, I am an optimist at heart and until season 3 I dare to hope anyway. If proven wrong, there are always fanfictions who can do better job than canon.

If all was lost they could have eliminated Alluther too from the universe because of certain fans screaming “harcest is incest you weirdos”, but Allison and Luther’s situation still exist and still work on the parameter “will they or not”? I imagine for their shippers it was annoying to have such a regression in season 2, but they didn’t destroy it and they still gave them scenes.

Fiveya had even a more subtle situation than Alluther but they’ve been granted the same level of intimate interaction whenever they have an alone scene together. Until Five (the character) will gain an older body (which he can) the whole thing is suspended. However, I think they wouldn’t have been open about the possibility of Five changing back to an older body and spoke about in season 1 if they didn’t have an idea for that.

I brushed off the line Five said to Old Man Five about being forever trapped in his 13-years-old body. It’s canon that there is a way to gain an adult body for Five, the Commission has the technology and even if it’s not the Commission they can mambo-jambo the thing in a way or another. That would never work. The actor is a growing up teenager and from season 1 to season 2 he has already changed. I imagined he will change even more before season 3 will ever start recording (maybe very late due the COVID-19 situation).

Aidan is a fan favourite and I am one of those who can’t see anyone else playing Five, with this said there are still ways for the show to give us fiveya. Young fiveya flashbacks will be always an option to explore the idea of “they had a crush on each other when they were young” and make other viewers understand that it wasn’t all “sibling” love between them. Endgame in a distant season can always have an epilogue with an adult Five (another actor I mean) having a very non-platonic (let adult Fivey kiss please) moment with Vanya, meanwhile building up the longest slow-burn (kinda, deep down I believe those feelings for each other are there) of the century.

Maybe I am wrong, maybe my tinfoil crow is too tight, and my brain doesn’t breathe. Maybe the show will succumb to easy paths and angry bullies. I don’t know, but until proven wrong I dare to hope.

PS: This is a monster of a meta and it probably doesn’t make sense? I hope someone will get what I’ve tried to say. I hope you survive, brave readers. Here a glass of margarita for you. I’d love to hear what you think

#fiveya #five x vanya #vanya x five #my meta

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joshscorcher · 4 years

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Friendly Fire Philosophy

Unconscious Thoughts, Fiction, and Confession of Character

As an Internet Personality, I’m required to spend much time on the internet so I can stay up to date on recent trends and remain relevant. I spend a lot of time lurking on YouTube as a result. Recently, I stumbled across a video about unconscious/implicit bias and watched it (I will not link it for obvious reasons). The speaker told me that everyone, including the viewers watching, has biases and preconceptions of which they aren't even aware.

I don’t wholly disagree with this idea. Many times people have tastes that they can’t explain. Some think that blondes are the most good-looking kind of person. Some think Asians are the most good-looking. Some love green eyes. Some like freckles, scars, or traits not considered “Hollywood Hot.” A simple scouring of DeviantArt is very good evidence that no one agrees on universal bodily beauty (I really wouldn’t recommend doing that, by the way. It gets very weird very quickly). Point is, we all have different tastes that we cannot logically explain other than, “I just do” or “That’s how I was born, I guess.” It gets to the point that shaming someone for something they can’t really control seems not only like an exercise in futility but also cruelty and injustice.

I was silently nodding along to the video, thinking that’s where the speaker was going with this. Then the person made the statement that prompted this essay: They claimed that we all have unconscious prejudices and bigotry.

I thought the idea was shocking. We have bigotry that we don't even know about? How do we actually deal with that? How would we even know about something like that? I searched, but I could find no credible studies proving the existence of this. Not only did I believe this idea was logically flawed, I was personally upset by this concept.

This person is telling me that I'm a bigot and I didn't even know it? What an arrogant statement! They don’t know me nor can they read my thoughts. They’re implying they know so much about how the brains of millions of different people work, that they can accuse them of unsaid thoughts, or even unTHOUGHT thoughts? It sounded sillier the more I continued to think about it.

Of course, I rejected this idea. People aren't a monolith and no one acts the same way. Yes, the fact that we have professions of neuroscience, psychology, and psychiatry certainly lend credence to the idea that there are patterns of behavior between humans, and I also agree with the idea that our unconscious mind can influence our actions. However, this assumption that everyone is bigoted in some way? It was very hard for me to swallow.

The person continued. It was a very twee, platitudinous, and condescending speech about sensitivity, empathy, and being all kum-ba-yah. Suddenly, the person talked about how they confronted their own unconscious biases and hates and wished to spread their newfound enlightenment to others. In that moment, everything became clear:

I was being accused of something of which my accuser was guilty.

I stopped being angry at that point, because I understood. This person felt bad about their racism, and I shouldn’t be harsh on them for that. On the contrary, I believe it's very admirable that they did some thorough self-examination and attempted to safeguard their behaviors and ESPECIALLY their thoughts. Not many people are self-aware enough to police the way they think about people and many people underestimate the value of keeping your mind clean and disciplined. They also wanted to stop racist behaviors from manifesting in other places, again, not a terrible motivation. That being said, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I still have an issue with them accusing me of being the same as them. Again, they didn't know me, so how could they make a sound judgment on me, especially something as serious as bigotry? Why is this person assuming everyone is like them?

I'm reminded of something Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of their character.“ I can't say I disagree. Many times, the way we see the world, reveals a lot about our personalities. How often do nice people think the world is great? How often do unpleasant people think the world is terrible? How often do artistic types see beauty everywhere they go? Iroh from Avatar: The Last Airbender corroborates this idea: “If you look for the light, you can often find it. But if you look for the dark that is all you will ever see.” Heck, this concept can be said about the art we create as well.

Art is also commonly referred to as a self-portrait. Kehinde Wily for instance says that "All art is self-portraiture." Frequently, artists are very much encouraged to "write what they know." It can be argued that even the art we create is a confession of character. We often put a lot of ourselves into the art we create and I can't say I disagree with this idea.

Permit me to deviate from my point for a bit. Trust me, I have an endgame here.

My Dungeons and Dragons campaign “Welcome to the Show” has the underlying theme of redemption being open to those who seek it. In the story, the party is trying to get the deposed Queen Jeminya back on the throne of her kingdom, but they quickly hit a snag. As a devil-spawn, Jeminya's soul is damned to the Nine Hells no matter how "good" of a person she is, and she is made painfully aware of this reality. However, she continues to do good anyways, because she believes good is worth doing and it's worth believing in. Her god sees her pure intentions and offers her an escape from her fate; it will be a hard and bumpy road, but she will be able to achieve redemption should she seek it.

Sound familiar? It should. There are sprinklings of my faith littered all throughout the story, and many times I didn't even know I was doing it. I even unintentionally based Asmodeus, the head devil, off of Screwtape from C.S. Lewis' "The Screwtape Letters" because my trashy fanboyism has apparently seeped into my unconscious.

Some might have noticed that it is very difficult for me to create/act a character who is evil for the sake of being evil, often giving them sympathetic backstories or more often redemption arcs. This is mostly because I find it hard to imagine myself in the position of being pure evil; not having any other underlying motive. In fact, I doubt Pure Evil people even exist. Even Kefka Palazzo from Final Fantasy VI, whom I really enjoy playing and analyzing, I realize I don’t believe to be Pure Evil. Insane and dangerous? Definitely, but looking closer at him, there are some tragic elements to him; he was experimented on which made him insane. Throughout the game, he descends into a person who cannot comprehend love, happiness, or joy, and cannot find any meaning in life other than destruction. He’s not pure evil; like many of us he’s looking for personal fulfillment.

Many have noticed I take a very Don Bluth approach to my storytelling; "[If] you don’t show the darkness, you don’t appreciate the light. If it weren’t for December no one would appreciate May. It’s just important that you see both sides of that. As far as a happy ending…when you walk out of the theatre there’s [got to be] something that you have that you get to take home. What did it teach me? Am I a better person for having watched it?" This is also a very Christian concept, as we believe that as dark and hellish as it gets on earth, there's a paradise at the end of the journey.

Now back to my point.

I'm not denying the existence of unconscious thoughts influencing our conscious thoughts and behaviors, because I just gave some very good anecdotes of this very phenomenon. What I am denying is the accusation that everyone specifically has unconscious bigotry because one person found unconscious bigotry within themselves.

Have you ever noticed that we very often try to give people the advice that we need to hear ourselves? I'm no exception; very often I've told people that they need to not let their anger control them and to grow thicker skins. Anyone who's met me for two minutes is probably laughing right now, and I wouldn't blame them. They all can tell you that I get defensive and emotional very easily and taking criticism is difficult for me. I do NOT have a very thick skin.

And I HATE it.

I hate the fact that I'm that overly sensitive. I hate that I lash out at people who just want to help me improve myself. I hate that I empower people to control me by letting my emotions get out of hand, as it's caused me to make very stupid decisions that still affect me to this day. I hate the fact that I DESPERATELY want everyone to like me. I hate the fact that I'm the only one of my siblings that has this problem.

I've taken steps to improve myself, but it's still hard and every day is a challenge, especially as an Internet Personality. I took a test and found out my love language is Words of Affirmation. I'll never forget the sarcastic remark my mom made when she found out: "Your love language is Words of Affirmation, and yet you're an internet personality... good luck."

At some point, you realize that everyone is a hypocrite about something. My older brother loves to say, "We often fail to meet our own standards." We hate liars, but who here has never lied, even like a little white lie? We hate thieves, but who here has never stolen, even something small like downloading a $2.00 song? How many times have you taken a french fry from someone else's plate? Maybe you're the rare exception and haven't done any of these things, but this is my point: We often hold others to standards that we don't follow ourselves, and to claim otherwise is to claim one is perfect, which is impossible.

That's why I've stopped getting angry at accusations of closet racism or unconscious hate. These accusers rarely know anything about the people they accuse because they don't know others’ thoughts. In fact, due to what I’ve written above, I often believe in my heart of hearts that these people are projecting their own insecurities and biases onto others, but amusingly, that makes ME the hypocrite because I don’t know their thoughts to be able to make that judgement. All I and anyone else for that matter have to go on is merely our own thoughts.

To be fair, they are correct in their implied point that actions speak louder than words and even thoughts. The Bible says in Matthew 7:16, “Therefore by their fruits you will know them.” So, the actions you take and the fruit you produce are also a strong indication of character, but context exists to complicate the issue. There’s a reason we categorize a human causing the death of another using terms like 1st degree murder, manslaughter, or self-defense. There's a difference between beating up an intruder threatening you and your family, and beating up someone because they called you a nasty name.

If you do have inner thoughts that you might not be proud of, take comfort that someone might be feeling the same way. Certainly not everyone, but there’s a high chance another person is out there who’s going through what you are going through right now. Safeguarding your thoughts is important, and I would talk to someone reputable for their wisdom or an authority figure you trust on how best to do so.

But no matter what, remember: we are all flawed humans, so you’re not alone.

#should i make this into a video?#unconscious bias #fiction #philosophy

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purplesurveys · 4 years

Text

1066

survey by sassybabexo

Describe the clock in the room you’re in. I don’t keep one in my room. The tiny reminder on my phone is enough.

What movie did you see last time you went to the cinema? It was still the same boring movie, Knives Out. I’m not sure if nearby cinemas are open again, but none of the new films sound interesting anyway so it’s fine.

Do you know anyone named Lucas? What’s he like? Yes, he’s a younger cousin that I used to babysit a lot. He’s one of the most effortlessly funny and easygoing people I know, and is so very simple. My mom and I always remark at how well he was raised as he has turned out to be so well-behaved, kind, and such a gentleman. I’m shy around my cousins in general because I’m a lot older than most of them, but I always love seeing him around when our sides of the family get together.

Do you know anyone named Jordan? Whats he like? I don’t think so, but I know there are many kids with Jordan as their middle name because they were probably named after Michael Jordan. Welcome to the Philippines, where basketball is life lol.

Do you know anyone named Brooke? Whats she like? I mean kind of. I constantly work with the media, being in PR, and one of the people on my contact list is a Brooke. She’s a horrible replier though, and I’ve never interacted with her yet.

Do you know anyone named Tara? Whats she like? No one comes to mind.

What type of shoes were you wearing last? My white Puma sneakers.

Tell me about all the cuts or scabs you have on you atm They’re all from Cooper. I also have a weird cut on my right index finger that came out of nowhere, and it currently stings if I scratch it.

Hows the weather in your neck of the woods? It’s a lot more bearable now. Would be until March at most. I’m having the time of my life wearing my thicker clothes and turning off the fan every night, haha.

Do you watch Smosh? I used to, until about 2014 maybe. I was obsessed - waited for new episodes every Saturday morning, watched all the BTS videos, watched Lunchtime with Smosh and Ian is Bored, waited for Food Battle every year, and went to the Smosh Pit website everyday lol. My interest died down when they started highlighting more cast members (I’m sure they’re great, it just killed off the Anthony/Ian-only magic for me).

It’s a channel on YouTube. I suggest you check it out. I did, like 11 years ago lmao.

Do you have any step-siblings? Nope. If I somehow had some and I was only told now, I wouldn’t want to start building a relationship with them this late.

Are there any new kids at school? I’m not in school anymore. But this question made me look back and remember how I was always excited for the first day of each school year because it meant new faces :)

Do new kids come often? Around 5-10 new students came in every year, I’d say. We’re only around 150 in the batch, so 10 new faces was already exciting for us.

Cats or dogs? Dogs.

What are your cousins’ names and ages? You really want to ask a Filipino?

What class do you have in first period? For the life of me, I can no longer remember my class schedule from my final semester in college.

Have you seen Paranormal Activity? Yep. A bit of a guilty pleasure.

Name five things you can grab from where youre sitting? Phone, a hair comb accessory, an unopened pack of push pins, scissors, earphones.

Do you like Marilyn Manson? He scared me as a kid, but now I don’t have any emotions towards him really. Most days I’m envious of him for having married Dita Von Teese.

Have your parents ever had surgery? My dad used to have a benign cyst on the back of his head/neck and he had it surgically removed when I was a kid.

If you own a camera, what colour is it? Only the one on my phone, which works fine for me. The phone itself is black.

Do you remember the last time you tripped? Yups, must’ve been a couple of weeks ago.

What did you trip on? I was chasing Cooper who was running for Kimi (which was 100% not going to end well if he got to him) and I slipped on the floor. I had a nasty cut/bruise on my knee but at least I got to grab his tail, lmao.

I tripped on my own two feet :/

Who was the last person you talked to through Facebook inbox? Angela.

What were you two talking about? She said she’s finally starting on Start Up, and I told her to enjoy and reassured her that I’ll be okay if she ever ends up on Team Do-San HAHAHAHA

Have you ever eaten a kangaroo steak? I haven’t.

Is there a mall where you live? So many. There are five nearby ones I can easily go to if I wanted to.

What brand are the headphones or earbuds you use? I’m currently borrowing my dad’s Samsung earbuds.

Has anyone ever told you you’re just not good enough at something? Not to me, but my ballet instructor told my parents that I didn’t seem to have any natural skill for ballet. Which was fine, because it’s true.

You ever listened to every single song by one artist in one sitting without skipping any songs? I’ve tried this, but I always end up skipping one or two.

What did you last have a detention for? We don’t have detention.

Do you have a bike which you ride regularly? I wish I could ride bikes first...

Are you on non-speaking terms with any relatives? I don’t speak with my brother, and I only talk to one of my uncles if he talks to me first.

Have you ever had to be on crutches? Nope.

Other than the keyboard, what can you hear right now? The whirring of my fan, the purring of a car’s engine outside, and Kimi’s light snoring.

What colour is your pencil case? I don’t use one anymore, but my last ones were pink and brown each.

Does your cell phone have a case or cover on it? It does have a case. The back of my phone is made of glass, so I absolutely have to have a case on it all the time considering how clumsy I already am. It also has tempered glass on the front.

What did you last cry about? I was overwhelmed with how much people expressed their support and love for me in my yearend essay. I shut myself out from the world for so long because I didn’t think anyone could help, and I only now realized how beautifully kind they can be - even the ones I haven’t talked to since high school. It was a signal to me that these are the people worth keeping and that I should stop putting in efforts for those who don’t even appreciate them.

Describe your pajamas. I’m only wearing a pajama top at the moment. This one is light blue and silky.

How’s your hair styled right now? It’s just bedhead.

Do your grandparents know how to text message? All of them do/did, except for my maternal grandmother who refuses to learn any gadget.

Have you ever stood on a tack? Nope.

It hurts like hell :/ I bet.

Do you know anyone who has cancer? I...don’t think so. I think.

Would you ever consider home birth? Probably not.

Have you ever had a penpal? Nope.

If so, what is his or her name?

Have you seen all three High School Musical movies? Technically yes, but I slept through the third one because I was sick when my cousins and I watched it in the cinema.

#survey #surveys

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amelia-pinches · 5 years

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a very long rant about Patricia Williamson

I also have something written about the overall thematic themes for each season and their significance that I was gonna post first, but I can’t finish it because my mind keeps going back to this.

Before I begin with all the negatives I have to say about what the writers did to her, I would like to state that she is my favorite character. Patricia was the first character that I truly resonated with as a kid, and I still do to this day. However, I can’t ignore how her character development was cut for plots sake, and how so much of her personal story is so incomplete. I feel like the writers used her as a leg to lean on whenever they needed drama, or a simple fix. Granted, she has more backstory than other characters like Fabian or Amber. Nonetheless, for Patricia, something about her personal story feels off to me. Maybe it's because I see myself so much in her that I have a personal bias for her closure, but I like to think I am so invested because I feel as if she had so much unused potential.

Starting off with S3, we see a new Patricia compared to the previous seasons. Her hair has changed, and her style seemingly has matured HOA has used a style change to symbolize a personality shift. In S2, Alfie acknowledged his style change representing a personality change, as he stated it was a new year for a new Alfie. Granted, he said he changed his style for Amber, but I think he changed it to feel better about himself. Getting Amber gave him the confidence he didn’t necessarily have before, and in S2 we see him standing up for himself more often than he did in S1, and he was more assertive in S2 compared to S1. In season 3, Joy said the reason for her style change was for the same reason: to find a new Joy. In fact, Joy’s style change was an important part of her arc in S3. She was letting go of her old self, and really letting go of the past she desperately tried to recreate in S2. She updated her style -”its Joy, but a new Joy”- and her style was a reflection of her personality shift; Joy, but matured.

Yet, with Patricia, we didn’t see that change that should have happened. If anything, her personality regressed to S1. I personally don’t think that Patricia at the end of S2 would have treated KT with such cruelty that she did; I definitely think that she would have not liked her and her jealousy could have caused some rude comments. It is S1 Patricia that would have had no issue treating KT how she did, but S2 Patricia would have held back. S1 Patricia was angry, and in S2, we see her less angry and more reserved. I like to think that after the events of S1 and throughout S2, she rethought her beliefs and morals. In S3, we should have seen her act on these new found morals, but instead she resorted back to that anger from S1. I remember watching S3 and waiting for that moment where everything clicks, yet that never happened. We never got an explanation to her any of her behavior in S3. We know she is extremely jealous, but why? Jealousy has its roots with deep seated issues. I don’t believe her jealousy is caused by not trusting Eddie, but rather something internal. I’m pretty sure that its been accepted due to her feeling inadequate in her family life which transfers to every other part in her life. Only problem is we never get any actual confirmation to this. We don’t get much confirmation about her character in the show actually. We know what we can assume, but it's still up for debate. Patricia’s character fluctuates so greatly that it's so hard to pinpoint who she is, or what she wants.

Throughout the show, Patricia is disconnected from everyone else around her. Even when she does connect, it's not really a full connection. The only time where I think where she had a true vulnerable connection with someone is Alfie in S1. Other than that, all of the other instants where she is supposedly connecting with someone, she is still holding back. There is always a wall between her and everyone else. While Eddie does break a majority of those walls, he still hasn’t broken all of them. They never have a point where they talk about all of their problems and resolve them. I would like to note that I am a huge Peddie fan, and it is my OTP, however it does a lot of issues that I can’t ignore. Communication is Peddie’s weakest area, but there was no shown effort in resolving it. They don’t sit down and try to listen to each other or just say what's wrong, despite how hard it is. They have a couple of cute one-liners, but that still doesn’t fix the root of the problem. Then with Joy, their relationship starts to slowly drift apart in S2. Joy is trying to overcompensate for the previous year, and Patricia doesn’t know how to comfort her in a way that was needed. Consequently, red flags were ignored, and their friendship began to dissolve. Thus in S3, it is so obvious that they are no longer best friends, and they are just friends. Nevertheless, I have the feeling that even before the start of the show, Patricia didn’t 100% connect with Joy. Yes, they had great chemistry (and probably were gay for each other on some level), but Patricia held back. After all, Joy didn’t know Eddie was Patricia’s first kiss, which tells me that Patricia never talked about personal things like relationships. Joy knows Patricia very well, but that wall is still there.

We also never really get to see Patricia shine, per se. Yes, she had some important moments, but those were all in support of the plot. Even with Eddie, her part felt more like aid to his character development than hers. I really wish we got to see a moment where she was the main focus, even if it was a small moment. The show has all this buildup for her own moment, and it never happens. With the moments that are supposed to be “hers”, they fall flat or are so lackluster that they are barely anything. All of her moments are for support of other characters. She mainly stays in the back, hidden unless she is needed. I think the best example of this is her relationship with Piper. It was resolved so quickly without going into detail about anything. (I’ll go into how the Piper-Patricia story-line was so undeserving and unimpressive later.) I feel like the drama with Piper was merely there so it could transition to Eddie’s secret being exposed. Basically, the parts where it should be about her and her character are misused in order to fulfill a plot line, rather than to fulfill herself.

I want to address the whole Patricia-Piper thing. I don’t know what to call it to be honest.. Aside from the fact how their relationship dynamic would have been great for Patricia’s character, their relationship dynamic should have been in the show simply because it would have been something people could have looked up or related to. I don’t have siblings, so sibling relationships confuse me to death. Still, they intrigue me tremendously. Youtuber, Ladyknightthebrave, talked about Hollywood's depiction of siblings in her video essay about Fleabag (I strongly recommend watching this if you have seen Fleabag because honestly it's so great). In it she describes how Hollywood loves brother-brother or brother-sister relationships, but sister-sister relationships are rarely shown in a light that is meaningful. I can’t help but agree with her, even though I don’t have siblings of my own. There are plenty of examples of brother-brother or brother-sister relationships in the media that are done so well and are so familiar to people, despite having a brother or not. I personally feel like that sister-sister relationships are done in a manner that's so simplified. With that said, Poppy-Jerome’s relationship goes into great detail; we can really see the dynamic and issues of their relationship. We see how they need each other as brother and sister and how they support each other. Yet, Patricia and Piper’s relationship was so downplayed. Their “big moment” where they try to connect with one another and try to understand each other was “‘I’m jealous of you because ___.’ ‘Well I’m jealous of you because___.’”, and that's it. It was abrupt and crude. There was no depth to their conversation, and if given the necessary depth, I truly think almost everyone could have related to their relationship. I just feel the audience, as well as Patricia, deserved that connection. Like, Patricia didn’t evolve from this. She remained the same as before. It didn’t affect her facade at all. After it was over, it was like it barely happened.

In the entirety of the show, we see Patricia through her facade. Sometimes, we can see cracks in it, but in the end, we never see her drop her act completely. When she seemingly does, it is practically nulled later on. Patricia’s words go against all of her actions constantly. Despite the fact that she has all the ideals of rebellion, unless you count Joy’s search as an act of rebellion, we never see her actually rebel for her own purpose. When she rebels or speaks out, it's for sibuna’s agenda, not her own. She told Piper to “dare to fail” even though we have never seen her do this. In fact, we have never seen her succeed either. We see what she wants us to see. HOA really should have had at least one point where her facade breaks, and the audience gets see what she is really thinking and what she really wants. It is not like they couldn’t fit it in because I could think of plenty of times where that moment would have fit in perfectly or even better than what was given.

I really don’t think the HOA writers and producers put much thought into the overall effect and really used her a way to make the plot continue in an easy way. I do understand why they did it - to a certain extent. The show is made for kids, and kids usually don’t really care about character development or arc. However, I think Patricia’s character could have been such a significant character for kids. Like I said, I relate to Patricia a lot, and I think others do as well. I also think if she had some sort of defining character arc, her character could have spoken to many people, young and old. There’s something so relatable about her, even with the lack of a defining arc. I feel like her character had so much potential, and HOA really missed a chance at creating a character so iconic. But in the end, there was no fluent character development. This leads her to feel like a more relatable side character at times viruses a main character.

#patricia williamson #rant #hoa #house of anubis #i don't know if this makes much sense #but i had to express it

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piilokarsastus · 4 years

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Question time!

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? because life is hard and i just don’t understand what i’m doing wrong but everyone else seems to know

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? nope. and to be fair, i would be sleeping anyway

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? if it’s like an actual thing for them that they do regularly, i’d probably be a bit concerned, but i don’t see anything wrong with trying things out for fun. if you’re just a straight up pothead, we wouldn’t be dating in the first place

4: Do you find it easy to trust others? i guess

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night? filling in another pointless question post on tumblr, funny that you should ask

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? unlikely scenario, but i’m gonna say my friends from uni

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? probably spend the next few years thinking about it, unable to trust anyone again

8: Are you close with your dad? not as close as with my mum but still reasonably close

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? i’m curious as to what kind of life you think i’m living because this is not it

10: What are you listening to? the soothing hum of my laptop fan

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? woter:)

12: Do you like hickeys? i don’t exactly understand the point

13: What time do you go to bed? going to bed and falling asleep are two very different things but usually around 2-4

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? me. it’s me.

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? definitely not

16: Do you always answer your texts? sooner or later, yes

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? no

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? not that long ago

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? all of my friends

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? aight imma head out

21: Is anyone else in the room with you? no

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? in a sense i do

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? i feel like i was, yeah

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? well there’s nothing to “fix” per se, i just wish things went differently

25: In the past week, have you cried? yes

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? red

27: Do people ever call you by your last name? my aunt often does, weirdly enough

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? only every single one of the 4 people i’ve messaged on tinder recently. which makes me feel really great

29: Do you have a best friend? there’s someone i could perhaps call my best friend but i don’t think i have a “true” best friend at the moment like those i’ve had before

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? no i’m completely neutral towards her

31: Who was your last call from? my friend tried to call me yesterday but i couldn’t answer

32: Are you mad at anyone? no

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? marginally, yes

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? honestly i don’t know?? i don’t remember when she was born exactly but i feel like we were born in the same year at least, so i’m guessing either 21 or 22

35: How many more days until your birthday? 329

36: Do you have any summer plans yet? summer literally just ended so no

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? not exactly a fan of the word opposite in this context but i get what you mean. so yeah, most of my friends are of the “opposite” sex

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? nothing that would be their business to know

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? i guess i do.

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? i haven’t kissed nearly enough people for there to be any regrets. soo... would you like to be my first regret? haha just kidding... unless...

41: Do you think age matters in relationships? not going to write the essay that the wording of this question warrants but basically yes but only to some extent; what’s more important is that you’re in a similar phase in life and have similar expectations about the relationship. age can be a large factor in those things as well as your “maturity” but it isn’t the only factor.

42: Are you available? yeah bitch hmu

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? two

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? well i guess it’d have to be a septum, then

45: Do you believe exes can be friends? yes, in fact that’s my life philosophy

46: Do you regret anything? :)) i don’t think about it as much as i used to but i’ve never fully forgiven myself for confessing my feelings to someone who wasn’t interested in me. this is known as the february 2019 incident

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? tiddies

48: Did you ever lose a best friend? yeah, not to death but to life

49: Was your last kiss a mistake? no

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? i don’t quite like anyone at the moment and it’s gonna take a long time until i’m ever going to have the courage to make a move on anyone i’m interested in because of the aforementioned incident

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? no

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? no, like there’s nothing negative between us and we’d say hello if we met on the street but we just don’t talk

53: What was the last thing you ate? pancake:)

54: Did you get any compliments today? haven’t really interacted with anyone today so no

55: Where are you going on your next vacation? bich this is my vacation, i’m going nowhere except to bed

56: Do you own anything from other countries? yes. like i’m a bit amused by this question like where on this planet can you even live where at least some of your stuff hasn’t been made in China etc. (well, i guess that would be China). but even if you’re referring to souvenirs from trips etc, still yes

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls? girls

58: Where have you lived most of your life? in Oulu, Finland

59: When was the last time you took a long drive? a few months ago, but i wasn’t the one driving

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle? yes, also known as the game where my friends try to find out who i have a crush on

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house? i had to google what TPing means and i’m more and more scared of americans every day

62: Who do you text the most? honestly my social life is at a point where my most common recurring interaction is exchanging cat videos with my mum (apart from group chats)

63: What was the last movie you saw? the matrix

64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex? yeah as if i have one

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2010? 2010?? damn i was literally 10

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you? we were around the same age

67: Do you curse around your parents? for comedic effect

68: Are you happy with where you live? not my dream apartment but it’s okay

69: Do you collect anything? my tiktok seems to have become a collection of about 250 cute lgbt folks, but other than that, no

70: What’s your favourite colour? a kind of deep, ultramarine blue

71: Does the last song you listened to remind you of anyone? not in particular

72: Has anyone ever cheated on you? no

73: What are your plans for tomorrow? make some music

74: Do you have siblings over the age of twenty-one? i don’t have any

75: Does your last ex have a job? not that i know of

76: What would you do if you found out your most recent ex was in a relationship? she is and i’m happy for her, or as happy as i can be while being painfully aware of the fact that my love life hasn’t gone anywhere in the past two years

77: Where is your cellphone? on the floor, charging

78: What colour is your cellphone? black and bronze

79: What did you dream of last night? it was something fairly nsfw and extremely hot and i lterally had to pause for a second when i woke up because damn it’s been so fucking long since i’ve experienced that irl and it left me with a bad case of yearning

80: Are you atheist? yes

81: Will you change your name when you get married? no

82: Are you ready for autumn weather? would be a bit too late if i wasn’t

83: Have you had any big storms recently? there was one that was rumoured to be really big but tbh i barely noticed it

84: What kind of bottoms are you wearing? just my comfy pajamas

#Random info about me

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years

Text

Name: Stephanie.

Country: USA.

Age: 31.

Gender(s): Female

Height: ~5′4

weight: 70-something lbs.

eye color: Brown.

skin color: White.

Heritage: I’ve been really wanting to do one of those ancestry dna or 23 and me tests to find out exactly what I am. Relationship status: Single.

Are you physically healthy? No.

Are you mentally healthy? Nope

Job?: No job.

school: I graduated college back in 2015.

Favs:

Animal: Dogs and giraffes.

Flower: I don’t really have one.

Movie: I have many favorites.

TV show: I have many favorites.

Music: I like variety.

Band: One of them will always be Linkin Park.

Video Game: Mario Bros games and Animal Crossing: New Horizon

Gaming Console: Nintendo Switch.

Name: Alexander. ;)

Person: My family.

Love life:

1: Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Nope.

2: Do you love them?

3: Are you still in love with an ex? No.

4: How many people have you dated? Two.

5: Do you think you’ll get married? No.

6: Have you ever been emotionally/physically abused in a relationship? No.

7: Have you ever hurt your partner by accident without knowing it? I’m single, but no I don’t think I have in the past. But if I didn’t know it then I wouldn’t know?

8: Whats important to you in a relationship? Communication, trust, understanding, patience.

9: Do you have to see them everyday? ( or hear from them)? I’m singleeee.

10: Do you think you can love someone within 2 weeks? I personally don’t think so.

Friendship and Family:

1: How many friends do you have? Zero.

2: What type of friend are you? Not a good one anymore.

3: Have you ever been friends with someone for longer than 7 years? Yeah. My former best friend and I were friends for almost 15 years.

4: Do you have one best friend, more or none? One, my mom.

5: Have you ever had a friend just stop being your friend and you never knew why? Yes.

6: Do you get along with family? Yes.

7: Do you have a family member you hate? No.

8: Does your family accept who you are? Yes.

9: Are you an only child or have siblings? I have 2 brothers.

10: Do you have parents that still live together? Yes.

School:

1:What grade are you in? I’m not.

2: Are you in Middle, High, or college? ( or neither)? Neither, like I said I graduated college back in 2015.

3: Whats your favorite class? English was always my favorite. In college I enjoyed most of my psych classes.

4: Do you have a fav school year? Elementary school years.

5: Are you a good student? I was, yeah.

6: Do you think homework is good or bad? I wouldn’t say it’s good or bad. I mean, I get seeing if you’re understanding then material and whatnot and applying it. I guess it depends on the amount assigned and what type of assignment it is.

7: Have you ever had a teacher who was really funny but had poor teaching skills? Yes.

8: Is your GPA high or low? It was high.

9: Do you like to particpate in conversations in the class room or are you the listener? I was definitely a listener. I haaaaated classes that made class discussion apart of your grade.

10: Do you take part in extra school events? (eg. Plays, sports, leadership,clubs)? I was in clubs in high school and the psych club in college, even serving as a board member.

Health

1: Do you need to lose or gain weight? I definitely need to put on some weight.

2: Have you ever had the swine flu? (H1n1) No. I remember being scared about getting it and that whole thing wasn’t even on the level of covid.

3: Do you like to go to the doctors? Nooo. I’ve had more than my share of doctor appointments of all different kinds all throughout my life. They still make me anxious and stressed out, they’re definitely not something I find enjoyable.

4: Have you ever puked in school or at work? I remember getting sick once in kindergarten and having to rush outside to the trash can.

5: Have you ever been extremely sick where you couldnt even leave your bed? Yes, I’ve experienced that several times.

6: Do you hate puking or does it make you feel better? I hate actually doing it, but afterwards I usually do feel better. There are times where it gets to the point where I wish I would just do it already and get it over with cause I know it’d help me feel better. That’s when I’m really not feeling well.

7: Have you ever coughed up blood? No.

8: Should you be eating healthier ? Yes.

9: Do you lie to your doctor? I downplay some things or not share certain things, admittedly. :X

10: Have you ever taken too much advils? No. That would make me sick.

Mental Health:

1: Do you have a mental illness? Yes.

2: Do you take anti-depressants? No.

3: Are you mentally stable? Uhhh.

4: Have you ever been misdiagnosed? Yes.

5: Do you think you have an disorder but havent been properly diagnosed yet? Maybe.

6: Is self diagnosing good or bad? I don’t see an issue with researching yourself and thinking you may have something, but it’s important to take that information to a doctor. However, sadly I know that not everyone is able to do that. And I also have a problem with doing that myself, which I think can cause unnecessary stress. I also think people tend to throw around labels and say they have something when they don’t. Gah, it’s a slippery slope.

7: Should we give more money to mental health research? Yes, absolutely.

8: Do you think everyone has a chance to over come their mental disorders? I think many can learn to better manage some of them, but I feel like they’re always going to be there.

9: Would you ever not date someone if they had a severe disorder? ( Schizophrenia,BPD, mood disorders)? I don’t know and I’m probably horrible for saying that. I have my mental disorders and I know it can be a lot for people to be around and handle. I just... I don’t know if I’d be able to be there for them in a way they might need ya know? I lack the experience. I can’t say no for certain. I think it would just really depend on the situation and if I learned more about it.

10: Does mental illness run in your family? Yes.

SEX

1: Virgin? Yes.

2: what age did you lose it? 3: Did you take sex ed? 6th grade, middle school, and a health and psych class my freshman year in high school.

4: Does size matter?

5: Whats your favorite poistions?

6: Does virginity exist? I believe so. I know some feel it’s not a real thing or a social construct, but to me it’s a thing. It’s someone who hasn’t had sex. When you have sex, you’re said to have lost your virginity and to me that just means in the very literal sense that you’re not a virgin anymore. I’m not referring to it as something deeper. Although, it can be for some people. And while I don’t think it’s like losing some part of yourself or something life altering, I personally feel like I would feel a change in some way. I also want to add that it’s something I want “lose” or share with someone special. I don’t know, man. I’m sure I’m not explaining it well. It’s just a personal thing.

7: Do you think sex is overated? I wouldn’t know.

8: Is making love and fucking different? One just sounds more romantic and slow and passionate and the other sounds rough lol 9: Is it important for both genders to understand eachothers bodies? Yeah.

10: If someone was a virgin and was raped, did they lose their virginity? If it’s not consensual or your choice then you can choose not to count it is how I see it. Like yes, technically they’ve had sex, but something so horrific and traumatic doesn’t count. Losing their virginity should be done their way, with someone they want to share that with. In the situation they were raped, they’re allowed to take their power and control back and count it when they do so with someone they want to do, consensually.

Check the box:

1.My hair color is: [x] Brown [] Black [] Blonde [x]Red [] Funky colors [] Auburn [] more than one color <<< It’s a mix of my natural color and red because I haven’t dyed it since February.

2.Eye color: []Blue []Grey [x]Brown []Light brown []dark brown []green []amber [] I have two different colors of eyes

3.I am a : []Male [x] Female []Trans Male [] Trans Female []Gender Fluid [] I dont have a gender []Non Binary [] other

4: I am: []Fit [] Average [x]Skinny []Fat

5: I love my : [x]Hair []Eyes []Smile []Teeth []Skin []everything about myself []None of these. <<< Italicized because I only like my hair when it’s been dyed and my roots aren’t showing haha... unlike now.

6: I hate my: [x]Hair []eyes [xx]smile [x]teeth [x]skin [x] everything about myself [] I dont hate anything about myself

7: My feet are: [x]Small []Wide []Narrow []long []large [x]Ugly []Pretty

8: I have a hard time: []Finding something to wear [x]Making Friends [x] making food [x]staying focused

9: I am: []Employed [x]Not employed []retired []I can’t work []Self employed []Looking for a job

10: I love: []the moon []the sun [x]the stars []our galaxy []planets

Bold what is true:

I am Funny

I am a girl

I have no hair

I have curly hair

^ I hate it

I have straight hair

I have a dog

I have a cat

I have both

I love to get drunk

I don’t drink

I love to smoke weed but i hate smoking cigarettes

I love both

I rather have one best friend than 20 friends who i am not close with

My dad died

My mom died

My parents are both dead

My parents are alive

I like to touch my bruises

I have funny teeth

I love Mcdonalds fries

Sometimes when Im alone I sing as loud as I can

even if i cant sing

I believe in God

I believe in the butterfly affect

I hate video games

I wish I was taller

I can’t understand math

I am very good at writing an essay

I never had sex before

I love Mac N Cheese

I love Disney Movies

I prefer Dreamswork over Walt Disney

I am going to College

I finished college

I wish I went to college

I hate my job

I am the boss at my job

I have a feelings for a friend but i cant tell them because it would ruin our friendship

^ I have feelings and i told them

I wish soda was healthy

I sleep with the window opened

This survey was too long

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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mifeng-xiaojie · 4 years

Text

So I started to think about Ghiaccio, especially the way I write him. How do you produce such an angry boy?

To start with, I really don’t think he’s just angry all the time. I think this video has some really good insights into his personality:

https://youtu.be/XiXGXHtCPqY

youtube

The key thing is that in order to do what he does, Ghiaccio’s mind has to be constantly processing and analyzing. He can’t help but over process every thought that comes into his head at certain moments. Probably those thoughts come into his head and he’s spitting them out in a rant before he can even stop himself. I also think it’s important to remember that every time we see Ghiaccio, it’s in a situation where he’s experiencing some kind of stress. I think it’s safe to say he had been putting a lot of thought into how little they were getting paid already, so to hear how little they were getting for Formaggio’s assignment set off something that was already brewing.

But how do we get to this? Here’s an essay no one asked for!

So we’ve established that Ghiaccio’s the king of multitasking. During the Mista fight, he is constantly freezing and unfreezing air around him just so that he can breathe. Imagine having to think about breathing! Imagine having to think about it during a fight! Ghiaccio managed to do this while keeping up his defense in the form of Gently Weeps and anticipating whatever Mista will try next. Amazing!

Next thing is he seems to have no patience for things that interrupt him or get in the way of him completing his task. He gave poor Melone an earful about Giorno and the others not being where they were supposed to be and even snapped a bit at Risotto for calling him. Then there’s the rant about leaving no stone unturned/thinking outside the box. In this case, I think there was actually more to it than the idiom. The more I think about it, the more I think the problem is that Ghiaccio, by nature, has his way of doing things and he has no patience for being told to do it another way. So here’s what I think:

Ghiaccio’s home life was chaotic. Maybe his parents didn’t get along when they were around and also, they were the type of parents to put a lot of responsibility on their kids. Perhaps his siblings were always loud and obnoxious as well. Either way, I feel that Ghiaccio grew up with a lot of distractions and had to train himself to be able to selectively tune things out. Such is the life of an elder sibling. If he was the first born, it was probably even worse, but just being the second eldest can be rough.

Being forced into a role that is essentially an extra parent can be a nightmare, especially while trying to deal with schoolwork and any extra curricular activities, if you’re not forced to miss out on the latter due to having to be a third parent. What’s more, depending on how absent the parents are, the younger kids might look to their elder sibling to fulfill their needs even when the parents are around. I imagine Ghiaccio had to deal with a lot of “Ghiaccio, I’m hungry!” “Ghiaccio, so and so hit me!” “Ghiaccio, I need help with my homework!” That is frustrating enough as is, but even more so when there’s a parent present who could and should deal with their kid, but the kid is so used to relying on a sibling that they go to him first. What’s more, his parents probably encouraged it. “Go ask Ghiaccio! Tell Ghiaccio to cook dinner!”

Ghiaccio would have grown up with a feeling that his time is very precious and short. He doesn’t want to waste time without a good reason or proper compensation, especially because he grew up in an environment where he never knew when he would have to stop what he was doing to deal with something else or someone else. I can imagine there were nights where Ghiaccio would do his best to get through a ton of schoolwork or studying so that he can play some games or read for fun, only to have to deal with a sibling. Or maybe being so close to done, only to be told to cook dinner or change a diaper or something that either throws him off his focus or takes him so long that his free time is either lessened or doesn’t happen. This leads to a child who feels anxious and overwhelmed. As an adult, he would likely feel that he always has to be doing something productive and not waste time.

Unfortunately, I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to struggle to focus, finally get focused, and then have your mom call you to do something she could do herself. You do the thing because you have to, but now you’re angry that you had to do this stupid thing, and the anger makes it hard to focus again. You only have one hour before you’re forced to go to bed so you try to force yourself to focus, and you can only hope that you can.

I’m rambling, I think. The point is, I think Ghiaccio had a home life where his time wasn’t valued at all. He was constantly having to focus, hyper focus, and shift priorities. He had to adapt and develop his own way of doing things because of this life, and so it annoys him when people try to tell him to do things another way. I think he may have even thought that Risotto was trying to get him to think like Prosciutto, who does think outside the box, and Ghiaccio felt insulted because his own way of thinking has not only carried him this far, but he has some good reasons to believe that the way his brain works is superior.

And finally, the worst thing. Ghiaccio may have cracked and told his parents how he felt, but they refused to listen or acknowledge his feelings. Feeling like no one listens to you as a child is a great way to end up as a very angry adult.

#ghiaccio #la squadra di esecuzione #my headcanons #vento aureo

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bts-story · 4 years

Note

Part 2 to Boy With Luv plsssss

Boy With Luv - Jungkook

Part. 1

“We have a situation.” Jungkook’s voice is trembling, almost inaudible and you have to lend the ear carefully just to be sure you hear him well (it may have to do with the heavy traffic blurring sound on the other side of the phone).

It’s not exactly Jungkook tends to overreact over a lot of things. There has been one or two clear memory where he did cry for one hour and twenty-ones minutes exactly just after sticking his finger in the crook of the door, or even that other time where Hoseok called him back a cry-baby on and on after a fight so he gave the cold shoulder to the elder for three days straight. No matter how hard Jungkook tries to hide behind the bravado of a strong boy, things like this can’t bypass his true nature.

You know his tendencies. So, the warning in his voice shouldn’t be taken too seriously, so you keep listening absently, eyes drifting down on your science essay you tried to read at the same time. “What is it?”

“Before we get started, I have to warn you, I have nothing to do with it.” Jungkook replies and you can hear his short breath as he paced up along the sidewalk, hasting himself to go somewhere quickly. After all, the loud thunder and lightning threatening the sky for the past thirty minutes only hinted of a huge rainstorm coming.

You nodded absently, scrambling something about some bone, inviting the other to continue. Jungkook isn’t your boyfriend, far from that. So okay, yes, you guys have been fooling around for a while now, kissing, doing the do but none of you ever initiated The Talk. Nobody asked the other out, nobody stated you were dating, per say. Nobody ever hinted anything about wanting more than what you were doing. You’re both not really sex friends, because despise the fact that you do have sex, there’s a lot more to it.

You play video games together, even lunch at times. You went shopping once. You just enjoy each other’s company with only the perks of kissing and making love from time to time. Just no labels, nothing complicated and clearly nothing to worry about.

“Jin-hyung knows about us.” You choked. On your own saliva. And your heart might have skipped a beat, or two, or maybe it had stopped working because the world suddenly stopped. Your science lesson was a million miles away from your brain suddenly, and as if you felt nothing you could be worse, Jungkook added, “He kind of threatened me? I mean, not exactly in the proper ‘I’m gonna kill you if you hurt my sister’-kind of way, but he said he’d make me eat my own balls at dinner, so I guess it’s still pretty serious considering the fact that we are notdating. And I have to admit, I’m kind of scared. Because Jin-hyung once gave hell to Taehyung for insulting his dog once. Out of pure misunderstanding. I mean, Taehyung ate cold for three weeks and I’m pretty sure there was a cockroach in one of his meals once. I’m pretty concerned about this whole ordeal, so –“

“Jungkook,” you cut harshly and still on the other side of the phone, Jungkook shut his mouth tight immediately, “just shut up for a moment. I need to think.”

It was true because all of those new informations could give you a headache. Seokjin may probably be one of the greatest gifts you ever received to bless your life, but it’s true to admit he has a tendency to jump to conclusions very easily. After all, you could recall too easily one or two times (maybe six or seven, more accurately) when Seokjin let was he saw overrule the truth of accidents or misunderstanding. Maybe it happened only with you, because Seokjin is overprotective and anybody hurting his sister might face his wrath.

In any case, you sighed heavily, shaking your head. “I’m gonna call him, don’t freak out. I’ll handle this.” Before Jungkook even had the chance to protest, you pressed the red button on your phone to end the call. You took a few moments to collect yourself, ignoring the way your stomach started to turn upside down. You thought about what you could say to your older brother, without getting angry and taking one last long breath in, you finally pressed the green button on your phone.

It wasn’t long before Seokjin picked up, a weak “Hello?” erupting on the other side of the call. But before letting him the chance whatsoever to say anything, you decided to start on this long monologue on your own.

“Alright, so I’m really sorry but what I’m gonna say won’t really be nice. So, brace yourself.” You warned still, clearing your throat as Seokjin shut his mouth tight, not that you could see it. “I’m not a baby anymore. I know – I know, it ishard to believe considering all the choices I’ve made wrong in my life and the bad decisions still haunting me to this day. But, flash news, I actually like making bad decisions. Believe it or not, that’s how normal people learn what to do and what to not do. Normal people make mistakes and they learn from it. That’s how you grow as a person and how you educate yourself to go to the right directions.”

Seokjin knows all of this, of course. He has made his own mistakes and tripped over his own stupidities more than once, but the universe can’t blame him for trying to protect his sister from it. After all, doesn’t an older sibling is there to help the youngers with their life? Aren’t they here to prevent them from doing the same mistakes as them? Life would be much, much complicated if the young generations would have to do those same exact mistakes all over again? And Seokjin is what? Supposed to look at her hurting herself, blaming herself without doing anything?

Damn no.

“I want to get my heart broken, okay? I want to fail exams, and I want to be late to classes and blame myself because I partied too hard the night before. I want to notget that job or – or notget that apartment I’ve been looking for months. I need to live on my own and learn on my own. I love you, Jin, I swear, but please let me do my own mistakes.”

You stood then, breath a little heavier than what you intended. But Seokjin was silent on the other side of the line, and it was starting to be long now. You were sure he was processing all the words you just said, learning and accepting your point of view even though he might disagree. “Okay,” he said only then, and you didn’t have to see his face to know he was pinching his lips.

“Okay? That’s it?” You pouted, and if there was one thing to know about Seokjin, was that he nevergave up on a fight. Or a debate. Or anything.

“Yeah, what do you want me to say?”

You frowned your eyebrows, tilting your head to the side. “Well, I mean, I expected a very long and very boring life lesson about how I’m too reckless and too immature to make decisions of my own. I actually didn’t think it’d be that easy.”

Seokjin chuckled on the other side of the phone, you heard some shifting and for a moment you wondered if you didn’t wake him from his nap considering the loud yawn preceding the following statement, “Mom always say I overprotect you. Believe it or not, she called me this morning and we talked about… you and Jungkook –“

“You told mom what now?”

“Don’t freak out, seriously. She has accepted the fact that you’re dating boys way earlier than me. She was actually very excited. I just –“ Seokjin sighed heavily and you suspected him from taking a moment to think about his words. “I’m just worried about you, and seeing you hurt is hurting me, that’s all. I’ll try to be less committed in your life from now on. Cross my heart.”

You laughed a little, a small smile starting to rise on your lips. There was no need to get angry, and maybe you should have had this conversation with your older brother a long time ago, but all things come to those who wait and maybe now is only the right moment. And now is only the moment Seokjin accepts the fact that he can’t no longer help his sister.

He’ll always be worried, and he’ll always be a little too present but it’s only good intentions and you can’t be mad at him for it. Now not, not ever.

—————

I have no idea what I’m doing

sighs

- Nageoire

#bts scenario #jungkook scenario #jin scenario #seokjin scenario #bts #jin #seokjin #jungkook #one shot

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skiasurveys · 4 years

Text

494

Name: skia

Country: Canada

Age: 23

Gender(s): female

Height: 5’1

weight: 145

eye color: brown

skin color: white

Heritage: French, Swedish and Ukrainian

Relationship status: taken

Are you physically healthy? Yes and no

Are you mentally healthy? Nope

Job?: none atm

school: Rdc

Favs:

Animal: wolf

Flower: don’t have one

Movie: the lion king

TV show: this is us

Music: classic rock

Band: queen

Video Game: animal crossing

Gaming Console: ps4 or switch

Name: don’t have one

Person: jennifer

Love life:

1: Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Yeah

2: Do you love them? Of course

3: Are you still in love with an ex?no

4: How many people have you dated? Like 4

5: Do you think you’ll get married? I’m not sure

6: Have you ever been emotionally/physically abused in a relationship? -

7: Have you ever hurt your partner by accident without knowing it? Yeah I always apologize after

8: Whats important to you in a relationship? Communication and loyality

9: Do you have to see them everyday? ( or hear from them) before we lived together , yes but since we live together now he doesn’t need to text me every day cus we see each other daily but if he’s gone away then yeah lol

10: Do you think you can love someone within 2 weeks? I mean maybe but also no..

Friendship and Family:

1: How many friends do you have? Like 5

2: What type of friend are you? I’m not sure. The one who makes jokes

3: Have you ever been friends with someone for longer than 7 years? Yeah I think the longest js 13 years

4: Do you have one best friend, more or none? I have 2

5: Have you ever had a friend just stop being your friend and you never knew why? Yeah

6: Do you get along with family? Yes

7: Do you have a family member you hate? A few lol

8: Does your family accept who you are? Yeah

9: Are you an only child or have siblings? Sister

10: Do you have parents that still live together? My dad died so

School:

1:What grade are you in? Not in school

2: Are you in Middle, High, or college? ( or neither)? College technically

3: Whats your favorite class? Art

4: Do you have a fav school year? Prob grade 12 was the best lol

5: Are you a good student? I was

6: Do you think homework is good or bad? I think it’s stupid. I think kids should only do homework if they don’t finish in class. But it’s not fair to them.

7: Have you ever had a teacher who was really funny but had poor teaching skills? Yeah

8: Is your GPA high or low? Middle

9: Do you like to particpate in conversations in the class room or are you the listener? I rather listen

10: Do you take part in extra school events? (eg. Plays, sports, leadership,clubs) nah

Health

1: Do you need to lose or gain weight? Lose

2: Have you ever had the swine flu? (H1n1) yeah lmaoo

3: Do you like to go to the doctors? No I get anxious

4: Have you ever puked in school or at work? Nope I don’t think so

5: Have you ever been extremely sick where you couldnt even leave your bed? Yeah a few times I think I had covid lol

6: Do you hate puking or does it make you feel better? I hate it but it always makes me feel better after

7: Have you ever coughed up blood? No

8: Should you be eating healthier ? Yeah

9: Do you lie to your doctor? No

10: Have you ever taken too much advils? Yup

Mental Health:

1: Do you have a mental illness? I have A few

2: Do you take anti-depressants yes

3: Are you mentally stable? No lmao

4: Have you ever been misdiagnosed? No

5: Do you think you have an disorder but havent been properly diagnosed yet? Maybe

6: Is self diagnosing good or bad? Bad but I get why ppl do it bc they don’t have access

7: Should we give more money to mental health research? Yes!!

8: Do you think everyone has a chance to over come their mental disorders? Some maybe like anxiety possibly but most are jsut cus your brain is fucked

9: Would you ever not date someone if they had a severe disorder? ( Schizophrenia,BPD, mood disorders) Nope. Only wouldn’t date someone who had a mental health condition if it affected me very negatively

10: Does mental illness run in your family? Yeah

SEX

1: Virgin? No

2: what age did you lose it? 19

3: Did you take sex ed? Yeah from 4-12 grade

4: Does size matter? Sometimes....

5: Whats your favorite poistions? I like doggy or cowgirl

6: Does virginity exist? I mean I guess

7: Do you think sex is overated? Ehh no i

8: Is making love and fucking different? Yeah one is romantic other can be just for pleasure and to cum

9: Is it important for both genders to understand eachothers bodies? Yes

10: If someone was a virgin and was raped, did they lose their virginity? I mean technically yeah but I also think no I think virginity should be a consent thing

Check the box:

1.My hair color is: [x] Brown [] Black [] Blonde []Red [] Funky colors [] Auburn [] more than one color

2.Eye color: []Blue []Grey [x]Brown []Light brown []dark brown []green []amber [] I have two different colors of eyes

3.I am a : []Male [x] Female []Trans Male [] Trans Female []Gender Fluid [] I dont have a gender []Non Binary [] other

4: I am: []Fit [x] Average []Skinny []Fat

5: I love my : []Hair [x]Eyes []Smile []Teeth []Skin []everything about myself []None of these

6: I hate my: [x]Hair []eyes []smile [x]teeth []skin [] everything about myself [] I dont hate anything about myself

7: My feet are: [x]Small []Wide []Narrow []long []large []Ugly [x]Pretty

8: I have a hard time: [x]Finding something to wear []Making Friends [] making food []staying focused

9: I am: []Employed [x]Not employed []retired []I can’t work []Self employed [x]Looking for a job

10: I love: [x]the moon [c]the sun [x]the stars [x]our galaxy [x]planets

Bold what is true:

I am Funny

I am a girl

I have no hair

I have curly hair

^ I hate it

I have straight hair

I have a dog

I have a cat

I have both

I love to get drunk

I don’t drink

I love to smoke weed but i hate smoking cigarettes

I love both

I rather have one best friend than 20 friends who i am not close with

My dad died

My mom died

My parents are both dead

My parents are alive

I like to touch my bruises

I have funny teeth

I love Mcdonalds fries

Sometimes when Im alone I sing as loud as I can

even if i cant sing

I believe in God

I believe in the butterfly affect

I hate video games

I wish I was taller

I can’t understand math

I am very good at writing an essay

I never had sex before

I love Mac N Cheese

I love Disney Movies

I prefer Dreamswork over Walt Disney

I am going to College

I finished college

I wish I went to college

I hate my job

I am the boss at my job

I have a feelings for a friend but i cant tell them because it would ruin our friendship

^ I have feelings and i told them

I wish soda was healthy

I sleep with the window opened

This survey was too long

#survey #surveys #questions #lmao I made this survey years ago so cringe!!

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