#my sibling likes it but it may just be an autism fueled need for in stars and time content

[jesterfurby]

Cookie recipe from In Stars and Time! In the manual of the game.

They aren’t very good, they taste like salty bread, a savory chocolate chip muffin. Further thoughts under the cut

Makes about 36, 30 gram cookies.

The sugar wasn’t mixed into the butter, but instead the flour. Weird, made everything harder to mix, but in the end it all combined fine. Wouldn’t recommend making unless you have an electric mixer though!

The batter tasted extremely salty, a teaspoon is a LOT of salt to add to a recipe. It was also bitter almost? I would probably double the sugar and half the salt at least. Sugar also had a huge effect in texture, not just sweetness, which explains the bready texture.

Bottoms were dark before the tops got golden brown, maybe cook at 350 instead?

Cookies kept their shape when baking, looked pretty accurate to the drawing. You could flatten them if you wanted, results in a dryer cookie.

If you ignore the chocolate it tastes and smells like bread, very salty bread

[bellbones1207]

Since @sparingiscaring was interested, here’s my ocs (for 60 Parsecs!)

Also excuse the way my style just kinda,, changes,, bc I made these ocs months apart. If you wanna read my rambling about my ocs, read under the cut. If you have any questions about them, I’d love to answer them! Hopefully I didn’t leave anything out lol, sorry if there are any typos.

So I have bios for both of them, and I’ll just sort of ramble about them separately. I’ll start with Ruth since I created her first. Here’s her bio:

Ruth Rivers was a strong independent woman who preferred to work by herself. She was a part of a detective agency before going into space, but her work didn’t satisfy her. Her boss didn’t take her seriously and only gave her small cases, which frustrated her to no end. Sick of not being treated equally to her co-workers, she signed up for the Astrocitizen Program to reach for the stars.

She’s bi, polyamorous, and is around 27 years old. (although this may be subject to change) I created her on January the 29th so that’s her birthday. (That means she’s an Aquarius!) She was very close to her father and was encouraged by him to become a detective. She never knew her mother since she died when she was a baby. She was never told how her mother died. She has a locket that she cherishes and rarely lets anyone touch it, as it was given to her by her father when she was old enough to take care of it. It used to be her mother’s. Inside of it is a picture of her mom and dad on their wedding day. She tends to keep her feelings bottled up because she didn’t want to bother her father, and thus it kinda became a habit. She was homeschooled and was raised to be very studious. She’s also a bit of a workaholic and feels like she needs to constantly be improving, constantly working, because she feels like she never good enough. This leads to her forgetting to practice self-care a lot. A few of her interests include reading (especially mystery novels), classical music (she used to play the piano when she was little), birdwatching (her mother used to do this so going birdwatching makes her feel closer to her mom), and writing. She’s also had self-defense training in the past. She can be a little blunt without meaning to sometimes as her thinking is a bit logic based. She’s super apologetic if you point out her being rude though. She’s also on the autism spectrum.

I have some scenarios written out for her but I won’t put them here because it would make the post too long. I’ll put her scenarios in a different post. Also, I ship her with Tom (from 60 Parsecs! lol) and Theo (@anxietyfluffy ‘s oc).

Here’s Keith’s bio:

Keith Kilborn was quite the famous actor back on Earth. It seemed like wherever he went, people knew his name. He was quite passionate about his work, but the Hollywood directors limited his creativity. In addition to that, he was starting to have problems with his anxiety due to obsessive fans not respecting his boundaries, among other things. All of this in his life led him to a breaking point, and he just needed to get away from it all. Then, he found solace in the Astrocitizen Program.

I’ve been thinking about his sexuality, and I think he’s gay. This isn’t really set in stone, but I’m thinking of making him 26 years old. I first started working on him on March the 11th, so that’s his birthday. (This means he’s a Pisces!) Like I said before with Ruth, he’s also on the autism spectrum. He also has anxiety, as stated in his bio. Keith hasn’t been fleshed out as much as Ruth due to him only being in existence for like a week, but I have some info about him too. He used to live with his mom before he moved out. His parents divorced due to his father being abusive. Keith’s mom is very supportive and protective of her son. Instead of being homeschooled like Ruth, he went to a public school. He was a theater kid in school, which fueled his love for acting. He was bullied for being gay, so he had to move schools once, and has basically been in the closet for the most part since then. He’s only told his closest friends and his mom about his sexuality. A couple of his friends networked with him to make him a famous actor. His “breaking point” was when it was revealed to him by his “friends” that they were just using him to piggyback off of his fame and riches. He found out about the Astrocitizen Program and basically just abandoned his old life.

The character I ship him with is Baby (again, from 60 Parsecs!)

Ruth and Keith both don’t really know each other at first, but they basically become best friends once they get to know each other (provided that they’re in a universe where they are both brought along on the shuttle). In a modern au I’d like to think that they’d basically be childhood friends and be the siblings they never had to each other. Maybe I’d ship Ruth’s dad and Keith’s mom together, idk, they don’t even really have designs though lol

[bayardboy]

Open Letter to Sunrise 3.13

“To Fellow Leaders: Sometime in my journey in Sunrise you impacted the way I move in this space, and I thank you for it. As someone who holds a title with weight I wanted to address my beliefs and role in the hub, especially as we head into the next stage of our course to win a livable future, together. I present my story of self, in hopes that I will hear yours one day!” - me, march 2021

OPEN LETTER TO ALL MEMBERSHIP AND LEADERSHIP OF SUNRISEPDX

March 13, 2021.

Hello Sunrise Hub Members; Hello my friends,

My primary purpose in this letter is to write the things I do not say, so you will know me better.

For those who skim, here’s the layout: First, my identities; Second, my roles; Third, my beliefs (including many quotes); Fourth, my observations; Fifth, cited sources. This is how I processed these thoughts; I encourage you to also reflect on your core tenants, in a way that’s most fruitful for you.

I am feeling called to write this letter because lately, many things are going unsaid. I don’t know if all of you are aware, but I have autism, and I don’t pick up on nuanced social signals. I’ve described it as, “when people tell me their story, I cannot read between the lines, unless I have read another book that tells me what may be within their pen.” However, I can tell something is amiss, because people have stopped talking to me without being explicitly asked to. There are many reasons this could be occurring. This silence is something I can hear, and something I want to highlight.

             I will first be clear about myself. My communication style is direct, and as honest as the English language can be (which is not very, speaking from experience). If you feel a strong emotion by reading this letter, please let me know and I’d love to have any length of conversation about your reflection.

             First, my identities: I am a white trans man, an educated youth, and a musician. I like to live my life in beats. I forget how big I am and that it is easier in this identity to intimidate people. I have been pushed to hold leadership my entire life, including girlscouts, theater troupes, camp counseling all ages, and many other privileged programs, but I would rather be sharing in a group of people. I live in the SunriseHaus because I have been financially independent since I was 18 and I love the culture of being working-class, except for capitalism’s burden. I was raised poorer than my younger siblings, in a majority-white Oregon town, which shaped my understandings about belongings and care. I like to joke around, and I don’t like when people are instructed how to show up. We should be here as our fullest selves.

             Second, my role: when I joined Sunrise, we had five hub Coordinators and weekly in-person meetings. When we locked down, a lot of the nuanced energies from being in person (which again, I do not read, but I can sense when they are awry) dissipated entirely and people moved away from online space.

             I was at my friend’s apartment on MLK on the first night of the grieving of George Floyd. We heard the people amassing on the boulevard, and we jumped up to join them. I realized quickly my earplugs wouldn’t be enough to keep me sensible in this crowd. An impressive Black man on a motorcycle drove into the mob to give instructions. I pressed close to hear him, devastated when he rode away. I began to shake with misunderstanding; in that moment, I knew I wouldn’t be of help to anyone. So I rode home, called everyone I knew, and figured out ways to support from home: water bottles, NLG numbers, jail support, bullying politicians, changing the public dominant narrative online, redistributing money, cleaning up after Riot Ribs… employing a diversity of tactics, outside of being frontline, excepting daytime rallies... in this work I do not understand the trauma of my peers from this summer, and I will not pretend I do.

Because of the way I showed up in online spaces (consistent, healthy, and truthful), I felt comfortable stepping into the trainings team co-coordinator role, then realized what I was actually doing was in the realm of Hub Coordination. It was a natural step to take on that title because of my focuses and my skillset, both things that were informed re: my identities. In the endnotes is a description of the Hub Coordinator roles that were drawn when Pauline and I transitioned in.[i]

             I’m learning that hub Coordination has a quality called, “soft power”. Defined by Wikipedia, “in politics, soft power is the ability to attract and co-opt, rather than coerce (contrast hard power). In other words, soft power involves shaping the preferences of others through appeal and attraction. A defining feature of soft power is that it is non-coercive; the currency of soft power includes culture, political values, and foreign policies.”[ii] This is an inescapable component of having organizers who are core tenants to the hub, as well as a community of friends who respect each other.

Also, Slack culture as a community has been severely shaped by the fact that some are very comfortable online, in writing, and others are not.[iii] As our community is also afraid of hard power, all our decisions in the last six months have been made by influence. I am very comfortable writing and therefore I am addressing that I know I wield more power.

             Is soft power problematic? It depends upon how it is wielded. There are hubs that operate and benefit without hub Coordinators. If I am ever asked to step down from this role, I will. Honestly, I’d rather be wholeheartedly focused on recruitment and relationship building. But what I’ve been hearing from our JEAO assessments[iv] is that we actually need more processes to bring leaders into soft power, to ensure that everyone has the equipment this work is asked for by our society. These are processes I am familiar with, but I also know that my understanding of leadership is inherently oppressive re: my identities and how I have been raised to interact with these constructs. Even though I’ll make mistakes and frustrate people, I will continue to show up everyday in the process of unlearning.

             Third, my beliefs: Because I wield this soft power, I need to be open about the way I encounter this work. If we interact often, these are the core tenants informing my words and movements.

1.       I believe in the complete abolition of the settler-colonial state, partnered with a societal reimagining and restructuring co-created by the most oppressed peoples of this nation-state.[v]

“As prison abolitionists, grassroots organizers, and practitioners of transformative justice, our vision for 2018 is one of clear-eyes awareness and discussion of the horrors of the prison system – and the action that awareness demands. As a society, we have long turned away from any social concern that overwhelms us. Whether it’s war, climate change, or the prison-industrial complex, Americans have been conditioned to simply look away from profound harms. Years of this practice have now left us with endless wars, dying oceans, and millions of people in bondage and oppressively policed. It is time for a thorough and unflinching examination of what our society has wrought and what we have become. It is time to envision and create alternatives to the hellish conditions our society has brought into being.” Mariame Kaba, “A Jailbreak of the Imagination: Seeing Prisons for What They Are and Demanding Transformation”. Truthout, May 2018.

“So, what might a Green New Deal built with rather than for Indigenous peoples look like? It would look like honoring what came before: the treaties, the tribes, the rivers from which we drink, the air we breathe, the land where we plant and gather our food and to which we return when our time is up. And by finally honoring these things – which have always been there, but which this country has ever respected or protected – we might build something Green and New.” Julian Brave Noisecat, “Green New Bingo Hall,” Winning the Green New Deal. Sunrise Movement, Simon&Schuster Paperbacks, 2020. p.124

2.       I believe in a complete just transition[vi] of our economic and power systems lead by social and racial justice reform and community building.

“Environmental justice isn’t a free-floating term. It was originally used by Black, Latino, Indigenous, Asian, and Pacific-Islander organizers to rebel against exploitative, unsustainable farming practices, fossil fuel plants, toxic waste dumps, destruction of natural landscapes they call home, and more. The harsh truth is that these communities have been organizing against environmental degradation from the beginning—white environmentalists just didn’t notice because the campaign message wasn’t flagged as pro-environment.” Rachel Levelle, “Confronting the Whiteness of Environmentalism”, 350pdx website, June 2017.

3.       I believe nonviolent civil disobedience is the primary tactic I must personally implement to be an accomplice in the accomplishment of the previous two goals.[vii]

“Peace is not something which exists independently of us, nor is war. It is true that certain individuals – political leaders, policymakers, army generals – do have particularly grave responsibilities in respect to peace. However, these people do not come from nowhere. They are not born and brought up in outer space. Like us, they were nourished by their mother’s milk and affection. They are members of our own human family and have been nurtured within the society which we as individuals have helped create. Peace in the world thus depends on peace in the hearts of individuals. This in turn depends on us all practicing ethics by disciplining our response to negative thoughts and emotions, and developing basic spiritual qualities.” Dalai Lama, “Peace and Disarmament”, Ethics for a New Millennium. Riverhead Books, New York 1999. p.203.

“Either [white people] accept that they have inherited this house of white supremacy, built by their forebears and willed to them, and they are now responsible for paying the taxes on that inheritance, or the status quo continues. I hope they will become radicalized by this moment and begin to fight fiercely for racial justice; but more than that, I hope they start at home, in their own minds and hearts. As I tell my students: a white person rushing to do racial justice work without first understanding the impacts, uses, and deceptions of their own whiteness is like an untrained person rushing into the ER to help the nurses and doctors—therein probably lies more harm than good.” Salvala Trepczynski, Black and Brown People Have Been Protesting for Centuries. It's White People Who Are Responsible for What Happens Next. Time Magazine website, June 2020.

             Fourth, my observations: The people who are called to this work know how to LOVE. Deeply, wholly, truly. We fight in love and we sing in love. We create amazing, beautiful projects together. I believe that we are called into this future together. We love the earth and all its peoples together.

             We do not extend that LOVE to ourselves. I take strong issue with the way people who are called to this work, approach this work. We create deadlines, overwork ourselves, and create stress that is mostly meaningless. We can be self-centric and self-serving in our immediate interests, but forgo food, water, and sleep in those moments. We replicate capitalist culture in determining value of projects and styles of work. We need to make better praxis of asking questions as we go, taking patience in our work and our bodies. It’s not our fault this is how we’ve been trained; but it’s our responsibility to resist echoing the structures that harm us.

             I am neutrally confused that we are afraid to take power as we position ourselves directly next to it. We have done the good work to recognize our voice as widely affluent, time-consuming, and progressive. This is a sound the State WANTS to capture, wrangle and blur in complacency. This dynamic is something we encounter so often in electoral organizing especially. Still working through this one, and the way it shows up in our lack of decision-making processes.[viii]

Subconsciously, we are adherent to the Jemez Principles for Democratic Organizing, which I think is a massive benefit to our partnerships and ourselves.[ix] We are also learning actively how to be representative and reflective of constructive allyship to people we cannot serve in our space.

             I am proud of how many teenagers and parents are in our hub. I am saddened by how often fighting for a livable future causes stress and burnout. This can be a joyous, relieving act: if we do not replicate the school systems that oppress us all, particularly Black youth; if we do not replicate the demands made of people with children, particularly by their workplaces. We should be working intentionally to create a safe, spiritual place to encounter these terrifying truths with patience and heart. We should be asking more direct questions of what will make this work enjoyable.

We don’t sing together lately, because singing to our screen is weirder than singing to our friends. I am anxious for the day we can lift our voices and spirits together again.[x]

I am EXCITED! to know YOU! And I hope YOU! Are equally excited to know ME!

I take responsibility both for my acts and their underlying motives. I own any contradictions.

We will be smiling in the end,

Mikhaila “Micah” Bishop (he/him) SunrisePDX Hub Coordinator text me with anything.

[i] Hub Coordinator roles

[ii] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soft_power

[iii] White Supremacy Cultural Traits: Worship of the Written Word is number 5.

[iv] JEAO assessments: #3, Structure

[v] LandBack Manifesto, 8toAbolition

[vi] https://www.ojta.org/just-transition-principles

[vii] Bayard Rustin’s Letters are currently building my understanding of what this means.

[viii] Offering Boston’s decision making guidelines, which also did not totally exist? Our issues are replicable.

[ix] Jemez Principles for Democratic Organizing

[x] https://soundcloud.com/sunrisemvmt

[kristianbickerst-blog]

Bonnie’s Blog post Of Criminal offense.

Security A bunch of WOW's were not successful in winning the passion from the action little ones, However some that possesses powerful willpower in possessing a good family members combated properly in this war. A procedure I have read about some time ago usages imagination and also favorable thinking to motivate overweight kids to maintain a diet and physical exertion schedule.|That is actually certainly not only women which must be actually involved concerning the influence of their body weight on their little ones's health and wellness. The information likewise presents that he's an "empty nester," suggesting that his children have actually matured as well as moved, which is actually almost conceivable if he fathered his 1st youngster at seven. We need to put those emotions out of the way and adhere to exactly what our experts believe in our center is better for our kid.|Perform you think about if your little one might be a bit over weight, fat, or perhaps obese? In my knowledge, having said that, kids most properly learn how to manage their emotional states when they are self-assured that their emotions will definitely be heard. Parents should be prepared that can help a kid who conveys enthusiasm in running this distance.

Certainly not merely perform they consider discovering the language themselves, yet they encourage their children to learn that too. Hence their lifestyle is actually stunted, as well as they stay with their mama and also dad for the remainder of their life possessing all their demands being actually taken care of. Kids are actually starting to become sexually energetic around the grow older from 12, kissing or whatever they believe remains in their range that they may get away with. When you mention 'Happy Father's Time!', always remember to say to Dad that you like him. Our marital relationship is far off perfect given that there are commonly emphasizes from my stepsons mother as well as the typical day-to-day lifestyle things. 1. Please pertain to Board's character from also amount outdated 23.10.2008 and 12.12.2008 regarding grant from Day care Leave Behind CCL. Copyright 2018 Gale, Cengage Learning. Some people see babysitting as a part time project to make easy money, but they don't truly like youngsters. Not only that you appear far more confident compared to me. I am actually 38 and also I believe that I am actually waving goodby to the children watercraft. This is the same on the sports field, or at a debating obstacle, moms and dads are going to constantly be viewing their children with love and honor. In November 2010, photographers focused on her child since he provided a special engagement ring to the girl he loved.

The instruction of birth is the youngster's placement in the family members in regard to his other siblings. When I mentioned that I might after that should end the relationship, he created me think guilty that I need to certainly not like him if I just would like to be actually along with him if he wishes a little one. When your baby begins discouraging at 6 months, they will certainly really feel happy for longer and may start sleeping for 6 hours plus during the night with one or two day opportunity snoozes. There were numerous alcohol-fueled debates between her moms and dads, supplementhealth2019.info as well as Mia informed me that she was actually the sufferer of tried molestation within her very own family. The courthouse makes it possible for willful giving up from adult rights for besides fostering instances if it is persuaded that a good as well as audio explanation exists for this and this offers the very best interest from the little one. Moms and dads that have a little one with autism spectrum ailment (ASD) have to do with one third less probably to have even more kids compared to families without a damaged kid, according to a research study led through a UC San Francisco researcher. This made this inconceivable for me to genuinely give my all in the relationship and also to absolutely think the beneficial things about our life. At that point that child will be as well protected off lifestyle and will never leave home.

[entj-werewolf]

Hmmm... MBTI-related bit of a huge ramble below the cut. I won’t go into much personal detail though since it’s something I’m still needing to figure out with my close friends who know me pretty well; but I haven’t had a chance to have a big discussion about it with any of ‘em yet. So yeah, expect some vagueness for the meantime.

To the point: Individual development is strange and confusing. Mental illnesses make it even more-so that very fact.

More elaborate...

Being into psychology myself and having learned about different people by having the different siblings, acquaintances, friends, and even enemies I’ve made in my life - all of that has shown how so many factors can influence a person. It can sway them from parts of themselves, the whole of themselves, or the influence can actually be encouraging for them and provide the lucky opportunities they need for early healthy development. Another way influence can affect a person’s development, is if maybe it also pushes the weak traits out because those traits are more “preferred” by the surrounding environment (be it family, school or work peers, etc.) and, unfortunately, the person loses a sense of their natural state when that push goes on for extended periods of time. They end up believing those weak traits are their strengths until they realize how many other people actually have it come more naturally and effectively to their own processes. In MBTI terms, this could be someone who’s been pushed into a grip for long periods of time and believe their inferior function is better than it really is. Or, even more confusing, that long grip tricks them into believing that it’s how they naturally function and drive themselves in their lives. Even though, instead, this trait proves to be quickly draining and unfulfilling for them. Their only way out of this is to finally come to a point in their life to wonder: “Who am I as a person, truly?” “What’s my natural state without these factors and influences in my life blurring it all together?”

Another unforunate, confusing influence, can come from mental health as well rather than environmental factors. Mental illnesses in Thinking-guided types could easily cause them (or others) to assume they run on emotions and doubt having “logical” skill or drive. Although, one has to remember - even myself - that Feeling functions aren’t quite as strongly associated with emotions as what gets focused on within F function profiles (for surface understanding, at least). At the core, F functions are more about human connections, human focus, and morality/ethics. However, because F functions are focused on humanities and morals, that is what gets them associated with emotions. Emotions are a universally human experience (to most degrees), and so that’s where F functions get their involvement with such.

On the other hand, I also notice in my Feeling-guided friends that their mental illnesses can make them much more focused on detachment that differs from Thinking detachment in ways I hope I can explain well.

I think one way, at least, to describe this difference... It’s that high Thinking functions naturally won’t have a constant feeling of that “human connection” because of their low Feeling functions. Thinkers still can have deep and strong human connections! But it differs from how Feeling types will structure around and/or involve themselves in these connections. So, basically, “detachment” for Thinking-guided people isn’t about having no friends at all when it’s in a healthy state for how they naturally work. It’s just more due to the fact that human connections aren’t a high priority in their lives, and that’s where I start recognizing the difference.

When my Feeling friends get this detachment, they still strongly show desires to want better connections because it continues to be one of their high priorities. They want human bonds, they want people who care about them or people for them to care about in return.

Uh... Anyways, where may I be going with this? Anxiety Disorder is just a very strange thing to have when it’s at its worse. Lately, I’ve thought about how it affected me and how I thought of it as a whole after I discovered it earlier in my life before it got cripplingly bad.

Of course, being into these cognitive functions and how evident they are in psychology, I started strapping this reflection to how it probably influenced my own functions throughout my life.

Starting from the beginning: When I first learned about anxiety disorder being a real thing and not only emotions people seem to feel. “Everyone has had anxious moments in their lives!” I would hear. But, one day, I also learned of it being a constant in peoples’ lives and how daunting that sounded to me. Overwhelming, if anything.

I don’t recall my specific age at all for this, but I was either about to start high school soon, or already started it. I only remember I was being put with a behavioralist(?) to get further testing and study done on whether I have autism or aspergers, etc. After this appointment, one big thing stuck out to me and stayed in my memory for good. It was that I was curious what this lady observed of me, and I listened in on her conversation with my mom from the waiting room I had to stay in.

“She shows signs of aspergers, but she hides it very well and makes it hard to tell. However, I am concerned that she may have an anxiety disorder. It’s not bad, so she doesn’t need it tested immediately, but I would keep an eye out for it.”

Well, it was something along those lines. I can’t do exact quotes and all.

Anyhow, my first reaction to learning that was just pure denial. I kinda remember my train of thoughts being things like: “There’s no way I have anxiety! Anxiety is bad and shameful/embarrassing. I can’t have it - no way.”

Yeah, you can imagine what my perception on anxiety was at the time just from that thought process alone. And how absolutely stubborn and persistent I would be to completely ignore any probability of me having anxiety.

This fuel continued in my high school too - when I went to a private school for 9th and 10th grade at least. My teachers would notice my constant and frequent habit of “foot tapping” and pacing around. Did I ever think it could be anxiety at that point? Nope. It was just “habit” and “how I get my mind thinking more.” During one class, which I guess was health class, the teacher also mentioned how such “habits” can come from excessive amounts of adrenaline caused by anxiety and/or stress.

Stress was one thing I could believe due to pressures from school, but still not anxiety. I started to wonder about anxiety, but wanted to avoid thinking too much on it because I still didn’t want to have it at all. If I had it, I wanted to ignore it for as long as I freaking could. That was, in summary, a bad idea.

[I mean, this probably sounds like “personal details” that I said I wouldn’t get into, but believe me when I say these are just more impersonal statements I’m using to explain where I’m going with this. The focus is on how an anxiety disorder influenced my processes, but things like family matters and other personal enviromental things outside of this experience are the details I’m keeping until I discuss them with close friends first.]

Anxiety, I still viewed as shameful and embarrassing. In fact, to this day, it still feels shameful. But the effect it had on me during its worst has given shameful a different feeling and meaning. And I’ll get into that in a moment...

On the other hand, stress was something I saw as less shameful, but still not something I liked expressing or showing signs of to others. It’s something I recognized much more easily than anxiety, thus I was more seeing it as some “normality” and something that happens from school. (This made me far more easily envious, however, of those who wouldn’t get stressed easily because they fit this “mold” of how schools teach - at least the schools I went through - but the ones who were stressed still managed all of the work loads and details involved in said work loads. The Te-users most sites say would do well in school? They’re likely mostly Si-users with that good attention to detail and less overwhelm from such matters. Or they’re xNTJs who had the chance to properly develop their Te enough to at least get them through the school work regardless of details... All in all, the school work and lessons I had didn’t teach in ways I could understand or learn from in an effective and lasting manner. Took a toll on my confidence early in my life.)

Back to the anxiety disorder I ignored being possible at all..

Last year of high school came around, though for me that was my 5th year because I embarrassingly (and frustratingly) ended up repeating 11th grade. Having to go through this 5th year put so much stress and strain on me for graduation, that my anxiety I denied and ignored for so long exploded and imploded all at once near the end of my first semester.

Because this explosion was so huge, it weirdly became a rather clear memory for me although it was a pitch dark time all at once. My health dropped quickly and I felt like my body was deteriorating. The anxiety and panic disorder symptoms were so bad, that the entire week before my Economics test, I felt like death was always around the corner. I would be irrationally convinced that I would die tomorrow. Each day it was like this, despite these “tomorrow deaths” not happening. That’s how miserable my body felt from this explosion and implosion.

While my anxiety - or at least the big explosion of it - seemed to begin as a fear of my body’s health... Looking back lately, I realized I forgot one major thing. This began from school. It began from too much stress/pressure, and too much ignorance of anxiety being a part of my “emotional system” at all. It began because I was afraid of failing (despite seeing grades as unreliable, fallable “proof systems” of one’s intelligence/abilities), afraid of having to spend more years in high school in some endless loop of stress and feeling incapable of achieving anything in my life. “If I screw up in this final year of school, it won’t be my final year and it’d keep going for another year. Or more years. Who knows how long I’ll be stuck here. I want to move on and have time to pursue the things I want to achieve already!” These were my thoughts at the start of this year before my anxiety stabbed me “out of nowhere” just months later.

I also remember it making me feel so helpless, that this anxiety “bang” turned this helplessness into becoming crippled quickly. It hurt to walk, it hurt to do anything. School became more difficult. I couldn’t sleep with the feeling that time was running out for me. Going to a doctor felt like a hassle, and I had my worst pains when having to go to my Economics first semester final that next week after it all “began.” It was as though I became lifeless, and a slave to my deepest, darkest fears that I never bothered with or knew how to confront and conquer.

All of this contributed to an all new feeling of how I viewed anxiety as “shameful.” Instead, I see it as shameful only in myself. I gained more sympathy for others who have to suffer it as a disorder, as I personally understood it to a grand extent (put in urgent care/ER one or two times as well). I hate anxiety so much more than I used to, but only because I had to experience its build up suddenly strangle and beat up my obliviousness of it. It was like a bizarre, twisted, insufferable wake up call for me.

This... Lasted for about 3 or 4 years. It kept going after graduation in that final year, and left me within a stagnant (nearly vegetated) state for what felt like ages. I badly wanted it solved, I wanted to stop feeling it - even if that would mean risking my need to only share my “vulnerable” feelings to people I trust.

When the 2nd or 3rd year rolled around, I pushed myself to “risk” going to a therapist. Of course, still being stressed and anxious beyond belief, I had to rely on my mom to help find me a therapist. This process - waiting on my mom to find a therapist - took a few more months. It really was testing my patience.

The restlessness grew more, and I got more pushy about getting me with a therapist so I can maybe get help with how to control this anxiety. My mom finally found one therapist to try first, but I went to this “introduction appointment” with that therapist... And didn’t like her. At all. I almost ended up in an argument with her, but had to hold back to avoid accidentally seeming “overreactive.” Basically, I was hating that she assumed to know my entire “life story” in just an hour of me barely telling her much about myself. I was keeping myself guarded, and yet she was giving advice that I couldn’t see as being helpful at all. I was expecting such suggestions to wait until she’d get a better understanding of what’s going on, etc. But nah. She was more “you have textbook anxiety and these generic methods (that I already tried) along with medicine will be your solution. Done.”

Something didn’t feel right, ‘cause I knew this anxiety didn’t just “appear” from a sudden and drastic chemical imbalance deal. If it did, that wasn’t my only problem, and I knew it. There hadn’t been any proof of it either from tests I had by doctors, so it really as more deep-rooted and “non-physical” than some chemicals, honestly.

Before that first hour was over, I already decided “no, this is not the right therapist for me to go to” and let my mom know of it after the therapist left. My mom canceled any further appointments with her, and we went to the next one.

The next therapist was my truly helpful and effective therapist. My first appointment with her, and everything felt promising! I had an easier time communicating with her - which says a lot because anxiety really makes wording and talking more tough for me (thus what created weird misunderstandings with the other therapist). She wasn’t trying to find “final solutions” for me on the spot before I’d give enough information. Plus, she let me take my time to feel comfortable opening up to her with more personal stuff.

I started my first appointments with her by always explaining my anxiety in a more “this is what it does, how it happened, and what it turns my thought processes into” sort of manner. Her way of providing solutions/suggestions to me would occur in pieces that best fit what I had actually told her (and not what she would assume of me) for each appointment. Although, I do give her credit for helping me realize another process in my thoughts I didn’t notice before. She pointed out something that I’ll never forget, and to this day I try to keep in mind.

She would recognize that my mind would jump to “probabilities” rather than “possibilities” in what could happen to me while I’m feeling the anxiety. That, whatever is going on in the moment, would translate into or become a specific health problem that I only know some stuff about with similar symptoms. Example: “Oh, I’m feeling bad pains in my chest and now I have some aches and nausea. I’m having a heart attack!” rather than “oh no I could have this or this or this or...” that’s commonly associated with anxiety (health-related in this particular case).

Crazy how much that would sound like an Ni-Se thing, huh?

Anyways... These appointments progressed and I was finally okay with expressing the more emotional aspects of how anxiety impacted and influenced my life while leaving me crippled so much. This was especially more intensified when I had an appointment with her again just a month after my final grandparent passed away months ago (which kinda messed me up for a while). It was hard to keep myself from sounding like I would cry when I had to break that news to her, so I tried to make it “quick” and wanted to focus on other stuff for the appointment.

At this point, only one or two appointments were left I think? And I haven’t been able to go back since then, due to the appointments being no more after insurance stopped paying for it or something.

But... Weirdly, it all worked out in the end. I gained tools to learn to manage anxiety on my own. I was able to have my final appointment on a better note than I started off, because I was able to tell my therapist about my signs of improvement. Her suggestions and step-by-step processes she figured out for my particular situation all helped! I thanked her greatly for it, and wished I could’ve at least made something to show that gratitude more before I wouldn’t see her anymore.

So, this HUGE essay of a ramble leads to another thing I’m wondering about after getting better at controlling my anxiety instead of being controlled by the anxiety itself (at least to severe extents). That crazy, intense anxiety I had really made my mind feel “blurry” and “scrambled” most times. I mean, anxiety does that in general. It was a really dark time, and it caused me to have intense retreats while still wishing I could do more in an external sense.

Which then starts to make me wonder, “is it possible I misinterpreted my function stack order during all of this?” Because I actually did discover and start learning about these functions after that explosion began. I was wanting to dig more into psychology and figure out how to get myself out of the situation, then realized there was more to MBTI than just four letters. I was lucky I got INTJ on 16personalities to begin with, because every other test would say “INFP” or “INFJ” and getting “INTJ” all of a sudden piqued my interest greatly. Mostly because I was confused and surprised at first, but I luckily stumbled upon functions in the process! (Pun not intended)

I’m certain of the functions I have, but just months ago when I was getting more of an understanding of functions in different orders (despite it still being a bit confusing to this day), I began wondering if I confused any grips with loops between either INTJ or ENTJ. But, I wanted to shrug it off, because I still couldn’t see myself as gaining energy/stimulation by external means (even if it isn’t involving people at all). My anxiety would still be overwhelming and draining for me, and that recovery process is going to take some time.

Basically: Looking back on the worst and darkest times of my anxiety/panic disorder, when I have some time to myself for trying to understand my own psychology some more... It gets me wondering now if it really blurred how I understood or viewed my own functioning order. That perhaps I got crippled enough to find external interactions too exhausting, but only because of how bad this anxiety disorder got. Who knows?

Other factors, again, I won’t get into publicly yet. I'm waiting for my friends to have time to discuss it with me, etc. Most likely gonna be my INFJ friend I talk to about it, since she’s the most updated on functions as we talk about the theory a lot (and she’s in my close circle that I’m more open with).

All I know is that I also have to have better opportunities to be in my natural state a lot more. In a healthy way, at least. Which is tough to fully reach due to still living with parents, and continue to have some familial influences, etc. But, at least I’m learning to have this natural state a bit more with my close friends. They’re surprisingly accepting of my “oddities” and somehow handle me (they’re literally 99% Feeler-driven types).

So far, I do find myself feeling to be in a much better state by completing projects for once. It was a bad idea for me to try completing big projects while having the worst of my anxiety, because that crushed the heck out of my motivational drive/energy as well. Burn out would be BEYOND common for me. That’s left me with some REALLY old projects that I haven’t finished yet, but I do want to finish when I get the chance.

Just... Currently, I’m really trying to find a new job. That’s pretty much a big priority for me right now, which is getting stressful. I need to get out of my current “job” ASAP, but I won’t get into detail on my situation with that job until after I actually get to leave with. It’s a whooolle other story in itself anyways... And after this monstrosity of a post that I decided to just write on a whim tonight to get my thoughts out, I’ll give my blog some good breathing room before making another essay-like post.

[type2diabetestreatments-blog]

Eating a low-fat diet may backfire, study suggests

New Post has been published on http://type2diabetestreatment.net/diabetes-research/eating-a-low-fat-diet-may-backfire-study-suggests/

Eating a low-fat diet may backfire, study suggests

Researchers examined three groups of rats (high-fat and high-sugar, low-fat and high sugar and "normal") over the course of four weeks. (Getty Images)

You may want to be careful the next time you reach for a "diet" food – unless you're looking to go up a pant size.

That's right: "Diet" products might help make you fat, a University of Georgia study shows. The study tried to assess the impact of popular diet foods that market no or low-fat content, but add more sugar. The study found that rats eating foods with high sugar content and minimal fat content actually added to their body fat as opposed to those eating "a balanced rodent diet," according to a news release. The study was published in Physiology & Behavior.

Researchers examined three groups of rats (high-fat and high-sugar, low-fat and high-sugar and "normal") over the course of four weeks, taking into account metrics like weight, calorie intake, body composition and fecal samples. Both high-sugar groups saw an uptick in liver fat plus significant growth in weight and body fat.

"What's really troubling in our findings is that the rats consuming high-sugar, low-fat diets didn't consume significantly more calories than the rats fed a balanced diet," study author Krzysztof Czaja, an associate professor of veterinary biosciences and diagnostic imaging at UGA's College of Veterinary Medicine, said in a statement. "Our research shows that in rats fed a low-fat, high-sugar diet, the efficiency of generating body fat is more than twice as high – in other words, rats consuming low-fat high-sugar diets need less than half the number of calories to generate the same amount of body fat."

And what are possible consequences of such diets? The unbalanced diets in the study resulted in chronic brain and intestinal tract inflammation.

Researchers found a diet high in sugar could be a risk factor for non-alcoholic fatty liver disease. When serious, that could mean liver damage.

More than one-third of U.S. adults are obese, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Conditions related to obesity include everything from heart disease and stroke to certain cancers.

'Healthy' Foods You Shouldn't Be Eating

9 Foods That Can Keep Your Brain Sharp

Are These Healthy Snacks Making You Fat?

Slideshow

Snack attack

(Getty Images)

Your office’s bottomless pretzel bowl, fidgety fingers, boredom, free samples, time to kill – if you need an excuse to snack, you can find one. But if you need a good excuse to snack, here it is: You’re a kid, athlete or person with diabetes, says Vandana Sheth, a registered dietitian near Los Angeles. For everyone else, smart snacks can help sustain energy and prevent mealtime binges, but can also be counterproductive for weight control if they have more than 200 calories, less than 3 grams of fiber and less than 5 grams of protein, says Jessica Crandall, a registered dietitian in Denver. Are unwanted pounds from these healthy snacks creeping up on you?

Trail mix

Trail mix

(Getty Images)

Trail mix kept you fueled while hiking at summer camp, but it may not be the best choice to tide you over during a sedentary workday. “Many brands have a lot of added sugars and fats to flavor it,” says Sheth, a spokeswoman for the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics. For example, 3 measly tablespoons of a generic trail mix has 9 grams of fat (most of it healthy, though) and 11 grams of sugar, according to My Fitness Pal, which maintains a nutritional database of more than 1 million foods. If you make your own (try whole-grain cereal, nuts, seeds and dried fruit, Sheth recommends), keep servings to a skimpy handful.

Rice cakes

Rice cakes

(Getty Images)

These crunchy snacks are mostly air, which basically means they’re calorie-free – right? Not so fast, says Joy Dubost, a registered dietitian and food scientist in the District of Columbia who can’t endorse rice cakes’ lack of fiber and protein. “If you proceed with having rice cakes as a snack, I would suggest breaking them up into small pieces to extend the snacking time and create a more mindful experience versus chomping down quickly on one,” she says. Crandall, meanwhile, prefers air-popped popcorn topped with rosemary and enjoyed with an orange for salty-sweet snack satisfaction.

Guacamole

Guacamole

(Getty Images)

From colorful avocado toast to festive bowls of guacamole, avocado might be called the darling of healthy-eating Instagram feeds. After all, the photogenic fruit is full of monounsaturated fat, potassium and fiber. But how often do you see a satiating picture of only one-fifth an avocado, which California Avocados considers a serving size? “One avocado, which … I’ve seen many eat, especially as a dip, can be 400 calories,” says Crandall, who suggests dunking vegetables in a black bean and salsa mix. Other spreads like tahini and peanut butter are nutrient-rich, Dubost says, but that’s “no free pass to consume more than a serving size.”

Dried fruit

Dried fruit

(Getty Images)

It’s portable, chewy, sweet and packed with antioxidants – not a bad recipe for a healthy snack. But dried fruit is also easy to overconsume and can be pumped with extra sugar. One best-selling brand of dried mango on Amazon, for instance, packs 32 grams of sugar in just six slices, which already exceeds the daily recommended limit of sugar for women (25 grams) and nears men’s 37.5 grams-a-day limit. Pairing a piece of whole fruit like an apple with a bit of protein like string cheese is one of Crandall’s favorite alternatives. “Focusing on having produce helps to increase the fiber and fullness factor of snacks,” she says.

Granola bars

Granola bars

(iStockphoto)

Most granola bars' packaging screams “healthy.” But in reality, “they can be as high as 250 to 300 calories and laden with added sugar and low in protein and fiber,” Dubost says. Crandall, also a spokeswoman for the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics, is wary of “protein” and “sports” bars, too, since one package sometimes contains two portions, delivering double the calories snackers anticipate. For a less risky mid-morning snack, try Greek yogurt with an ounce of almonds, berries and chia seeds, Crandall recommends. “Planning [snacks] helps keep us on track … so you don’t have an excuse to sip or grab something else that’s ‘easier,’” she says.

Pretzels

Pretzels

(Matt Rourke/AP Photo)

Snacks don’t get any more classic than pretzels. And while the twists are typically healthier than potato chips, even whole-grain pretzels are too low in fiber and protein to keep you satisfied. “Calories [in pretzels] can quickly add up,” particularly if they’re filled with peanut butter or chocolate, Dubost says. If it’s the savory flavor you crave, try cottage cheese with cherry tomatoes, basil and balsamic vinegar, one of Crandall’s favorites. Including fruits and vegetables in snacks, she says, “is a great way to increase consumption of these low-calorie, nutrient-rich foods packed with vitamins and minerals.”

Almonds

Almonds

(Getty Images)

Almonds make plenty of “best snacks” lists, and for good reason: They have the right mix of fiber and protein to satiate you, and they’re also a good source of healthy monounsaturated fat and vitamin E. But it’s easy to go overboard and unknowingly eat a snack with the calorie content of a meal. “Before you know it,” Sheth says, “your heart-healthy snack can cost you 500 calories.” Practice portion control by measuring out your almonds first; a serving size is a quarter cup, or about 23 almonds. “Being mindful of portions is the key to enjoying snacks without blowing up your calorie budget and to avoid unexpected weight gain,” Sheth says.

Read More

See more Health & Wellness slideshows:

Healthy Snacks for When You Feel Hangry 10 Healthful Snacks That Won't Break the Calorie Bank 6 Tips for Healthy Gameday Snacks From Food Network's Robert Irvine David Oliver Associate Editor, Social Media

David Oliver is Associate Editor, Social Media at U.S. News & World Report. Follow him on Twitter, connect with him on LinkedIn, or send him an email at doliver@usnews.com.

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