#my sappy ass loves this sorority so much

[shea-like-the-butter]

Saturday, July 15th 2023

Got a history of stories ending sadly

[cloveroctobers]

SHEA BUTTER BABY | S. James

Requested by: @theshyprincess “Can I get a spencer James getting married and smut biracial if I’m not bothering you I really like your writing”

A/N: decided to do this in hc form, hope that’s cool? And it’s been my thing lately anyways lol. Hope you like this one! I also hope I channeled Spencer well 🙃

WARNINGS: light smut + some curse words ofc!

We all know Spencer takes the world on his shoulders; when his finds you, you become his world

You meet freshman year in university, specifically on the football field and decided to invite him to a sorority party because what’s the best way to start off your freshman year? A little party never hurt nobody

Except it did, things got rowdy resulting with a huge ass knot on your forehead and losing consciousness for a few minutes

You expected Spencer to dip like any other asshole dude would have but you were shocked that he actually came to your aid and walked you back to your dorm even tho you had a “big ass egg” growing from your forehead

You could laugh about it a little then, but more so now

He actually asked for your number before you departed, even tho you thought you majorly screwed whatever this was up but he wanted to see you again and you were more than happy to oblige

It was instant friendship with a touch of flirtations but you knew that he recently got out of some heartbreak from his senior year of high school and you had no choice but to respect that he wasn’t looking for a relationship right now

Day by day you became the best of friends spending majority of your time together while also getting to know each other’s outside friends and family, you became each other’s family

It was end of sophomore year where Spencer decided he wanted to give it a go but it was your turn to be leery since you watched him go through some girls but he never flaunted that in front of you, yet you always knew

You didn’t want to be his last option

“You could never be that, y/n. You’re so much more than what you think I think of you.”

Words of affirmation is definitely Spencer’s love language and he had no problem saying how he felt about you

He openly admitted that he was confused at first, trying to fight with his inner self on taking your friendship into the love zone. He’s always gone the friendship route first before it turned into romance—well maybe not with Kia but his past two relationships he did

He was not only confused but nervous and you made him work a little bit to get a date from you but you didn’t hold out for too long since you felt Spencer was your person

You took things slow but you still felt like friends except now you held onto each other a little longer and touches seem to burn now but you liked it, really liked it

Senior year is when he proposes, he’s actually the second out of his group of friends back home to get engaged...JJ was the first and actually went through with the marriage after one drunken night in vegas with some girl who was studying physical therapy

Sure it’s only been two years but like your grandmother always says, “when you feel a pull in your heart whenever they’re not around, they’re the one baby.” And your grandparents got married only after knowing each other for four months. Every love is different

You were a sappy mess and Spencer found it humorous while slipping the ring on and embracing you, “we not doing that. Save it until the wedding, huh?”

And he gets a few nice whacks to the chest but he can take it ofc as he’s kissing you so gently

It’s a private moment and you wouldn’t have it any other way

A year and a few months after you graduate, Spencer gets drafted into the NFL and you’re still searching for a job you majored in

You’re both living apart with you going back to your hometown in Arizona and Spencer in Cali. Things aren’t easy but you’ve been planning your wedding and it feels like Spencer is just saying he’s okay with everything which is frustrating. You don’t want to do this alone and you need to find a place to live together, you didn’t want to live with Spencer’s mom and brother as much as you loved them. You were both adults and needed to take the wheel

Yet it always felt like Spencer was busy planning on putting further distance between you since he was secure in his career and you just felt stuck

That caused a riff between you two but Spencer didn’t like that silent treatment bs. You were gonna talk to him one way or another

Once you get through it, which you definitely do!! it’s pure heaven and you couldn’t be happier

You get married at a banquet hall

You both have a lot friends and family that’ve invited

Your best friends + sibs are your best men, bridesmaids, maid of honor

Spencer leaves a chair open for his dad up front with his mom and brother 🥲

Initially you were going to have your guests pick whatever seat they wanted and just have your immediate family have the front areas but you knew that would probably end up hectic with the strong personalities you had within your friend and family group so you kept it traditional. Your family/friends on one side and spence’s family/friends on the other

Memorable wedding, you were gorgeous and he was so handsome. You loved when Spencer got dressed up, it did something to you and you couldn’t wait for your honeymoon

It wouldn’t be anything over the top like The Bakers tried to gift you with, you just wanted something simple but nice with the man you loved

You were going to Palm Springs the next morning!!! Spending the night in the hotel

You were going to hold out even longer until the night you reached your honeymoon destination 😌

Spencer wanted the both of you to write your own vows and you sure didn’t know how you would compete with this guy. Spencer James always had a way with words!!!

He ofc had you a sobbing mess again but you knew it was never about out-showing the other

when you seal your marriage with a kiss, his hands rest securely on your hips with your hand cradling his jaw and you’re all smiles as the hall fills with cheers

“I love you, Mrs. James.” He’s got that smirk of a smile on his lips and love in his eyes

“As do I, Mr. James.” And you can’t wipe the smile from your own lips even if you tried

One thing you both know how to do is party so the reception goes on for awhile, until about 3 am even tho you both have to be on the road by 10 or a little later since check in isn’t until early afternoon

You’re both so giddy you can hardly sleep but you eventually do, you in your dress + Spencer in his dress shirt but he’s lost the tie and loosened his pants

Since Palm Springs is a 2 hr drive you’re reminiscing on how you basically taught Spencer how to drive and look at how far he’s come now with the rental you���re both using for 4 days and 3 nights

“so it’s my fault you don’t know how to instruct?” Which leads to harmless bickering over spencer’s road trip playlist

it’s been agreed that you each had an hour to play your playlists then for the left over minutes you’d listen to the radio once you got to your destination

your airbnb is REAL colorful and modern, not exactly your tastes but nonetheless it was your getaway from home. You were used to the desert while spencer? Not so much

“the hell was that?” Spencer is dodging and weaving especially if they fly

“looks like fire ants.” keep your distance.” “Why do you know what that is?” “I get stuck watching discovery channel with my dad when I can’t sleep and he’s always up. I saw one episode about them and we don’t want to mess with those bastards.”

you don’t do much with the rest of your day there, just enjoying each other’s company in the air bnb

You decide to shower while Spencer is ordering y’all your dinner from grubhub and deciding what you’re going to watch on firestick that you bought with you

you tend to take long showers so you’re just about done rubbing shea butter into your skin when Spencer announces that the food is here through the door

when you step out you’re on a mission with your silk robe, bustier, and garter

although you kept your own values of saving yourself until marriage—while Spencer was way more experienced you didn’t feel as nervous to get intimate with the man of your dreams

but that changed the moment his set his eyes on you

“what’s this?” He smirks, popping a fry into his mouth

You’re playing coy as your skin shines, leaning over to steal one of his fries. “My pajamas.”

He’s amused but definitely turned on, “oh aight, so that’s just the norm for you now?”

“I could change.” You pointed back to the where the bathroom sat

“I ain’t say all that, Mrs. James.” Spencer blinks then lifts his head upwards, “c’mere.”

And you move to sit on his lap with excitement even tho you think you hide it pretty well. You’ve always pictured how this would be and you knew from stories from your cousins and friends that half of them didn’t have the most romantic experience...

You didn’t need the rose petals and candles but you knew Spencer was a romantic at heart, plus you had plenty of time to see what was up his sleeve and knew this wouldn’t be the only time as of tonight. You were hoping!!!

“Are we starting dinner?” You ask, wrapping an arm across his shoulders but his eyes are set only on you

“I’m hungry for somethin’ else right now,” his nose presses against your beating throat, “and it just walked in here, looking good enough for this appetite.”

Now he’s kissing on your neck and when he gets to that sweet spot behind your ear he’s got the confirmation he needs but he needs to hear you say it. And he asks with his eyes which you reply with a dip of your head

Now he’s got his hands underneath your thighs, locking your legs around his waist for you and he’s off to your temporary bedroom

He’s always so gentle with you, even when he’s laying you down on this bed

“I promise the next time we do this, I’ll make the place look special for you.” He says into your neck and your nod as you feel the weight of him against you

You’re gasping for breath before he’s been fully touched you yet, “we still have the tub and a couple of days.”

He breathes out a laugh, “that we do. That we do.” Before your lips are brought back together

You know you are loved with the way Spencer touches you and speaks to you even in your most intimate moment

He builds you up before he gives himself all to you. It’s something you heard about, SEEN and knew it was crucial but you didn’t want to put too much logic in this moment. You don’t think you can even think straignt with the way you’re on fire for Spencer rn

And he’s know that but he needs you to be patient, he knows how to take his time. And he should know what he’s doing...he does

He’s seeing what your body likes, he’s watching his face even when you begin to whine for him

He knows when you’re truly ready even when you’re begging

He gives you your first climax with his mouth and you know you need more because you knew how much you loved his lips but you loved them even more now

“even better than I imagined,” he says with a lick of his lips from below before pressing a kiss on your abdomen and you’re still seeing stars

“you okay up there?” He asks. He’s always seeking reassurance from you. That’s too important to him, you’re too important to him

You have to say it as your vision slowly starts to splat back to normal, “I need you i-in— but there’s heat pooling in your cheeks. You’re a bit shy now as you’re getting in your head wondering how you must have sounded or looked in that moment of your first climax but it didn’t seem as if Spencer was disappointed. He seemed just as happy to please

He knows what you need. He worked with your body up to this moment

So he’s kissing up your body, slow and soft. He looks into your eyes before he glances over to grab his wallet from the night stand to grab protection

you didn’t think this far ahead but part of you wanted to know if there was a difference without, ofc you knew the risks without and you had forever to try so you made no comment about the choice to use protection

You wanted to do the honors, and so you did

You were surely in awe to be this close and personal with something you get to have for a lifetime

“Careful, something might fly in there.”

You can’t help but you roll your eyes and snort as Spencer places a kiss to your cheek before he reaches up to lock your hands together and up over your head, your wedding bands contrasting against the bright orange walls and your shea butter skin

“I’m ready.” You whisper, your eyes shifting from Spencer’s deep brown eyes to where your bodies would connect

Spencer hums as he keeps his eyes on yours before lining up, he has to free one of his hands to guide

and your mouth falls open with a slight arch in your back

He doesn’t move right away, he needs to be sure

when you lock both legs around his hips, tugging him closer than close to you, fully allowing him in your space, you then squeeze your hands tighter together, never wanting to let go

Spencer James was all you ever needed and you were more than thrilled to continue this journey of life with him

[too-many-baes]

Tequila, Bones and Bruises

Pairing: fem!reader x Sam Winchester

Warnings(s): alcohol, injury, mentions of death, fluff, slight angst?

Word Count: 4.6K

Request: “Hey - just saw your requests are open. I know in general Dean gets a lot of love in the fandom but I'm a total Sam girl! Can you do one where reader is a hunter that the boys have known since they were young because John took care of her (aka left her with dean) when her dad was away or something like that... anyway she and Sam have always liked each other but after Jess he's too scared to do anything about it. Maybe Dean helps or something or she totally kicks ass... idk you choose. I trust you” – by Anon

A/N: Thank you anon for your Sam request! I am also a total Sam girl, have been from day dot so I'm glad you gave me the chance to show the tallest Winchester some well earned love 💝 This is probably not what you envisioned at all, ya girl went off on a bit of a tangent... 🤷🏼‍♀️

Masterlist in bio and requests are open

*gif credit [@ aborddelimpala]*

                                                          *******

“Here's to another successful hunt!” You exclaim, placing down a tray full of tequila shots for you and your awaiting companions.

“No no, c'mon Y/N we have another hunt lined up for tomorrow. We should get an early night.” Sam's complaints fall on deaf ears as you defiantly place a shot with a lime wedge balancing upon it in his hand.  You’d expected the protest from the more responsible brother, your rebuttal at the ready.

“Sam we just took down a changeling, the very thing that nearly took John Winchester off the board. If the fact the prodigal children”, the way you referred to the three of you caused an amused snort from Dean, you shooting him a pointed look as you continue, “could do it with all their limbs still intact isn't worth celebrating then I don't know what is.”

“To the prodigal children!” Dean yells, holding his shot glass high in way of a toast. You happily clink his glass repeating his cheers, both of you shooting your drinks in unison. You screw up your face at the unpleasant yet familiar taste, holding the wedge to your lips to relieve the burning sensation from your mouth. Dean places his glass down, refusing to take the reprieve the sour lime would provide. You roll your eyes at his false bravado, turning your expectant gaze to Sam, flicking your eyes from the still full shot in his hand back to his face.

“I'm not doing it”, he states with confidence, placing the glass back on the table.

“C'mon Sam, you really gonna make me and Dean celebrate alone?” You ask, putting on the best puppy dog pout you could. On anyone else you're sure the gesture would have fallen flat, with Sam though you can see his resolve weaken with the relaxing of his shoulders as he puffs out a breath. “Live a little Sammy", you chirp, a testing lilt to your voice.

“Yea, live a little Sammy!” Dean's last encouragement was the straw that broke the camel’s back, Sam shaking his head at himself before throwing the burning liquid down his throat to the sound of you and Dean's cheers.

“Right,” you start as you drum your hands against the table, leaning over slightly to address Dean sitting across from you, “what's the old man gotta say about this one?” You ask, cueing Dean to pull John's old journal (the bible as you liked to call it) from his bag, flipping through the pages to find a similar case.

“Sorry, whose old man is he Y/N?”  Sam asks, you poking his side for his teasing.

Your own dad was barely in the picture when you were a child. How incompetent the Winchesters deemed their father to be speaks volumes about your dad, as he felt he was better off leaving you with John when he went on his benders, which was frequently enough that you barely saw him.

Ever since you’ve referred to John as your old man, often claiming he was the closest thing to a father that you had. This was completely false of course, that role was taken by Dean. As begrudging as he had been initially about having another kid to watch over he warmed to you quickly, as you did to him. Although he treated you like a sister in truth he was the best father figure you've ever had. Not that you'd ever admit that sappy sentiment to him.

The story was entirely different with Sam. While Dean was like a father and big brother wrapped into one gruff, smooth talking parcel, Sam was your first crush before you even understood what a crush felt like. You took an instant shine to the youngest Winchester, him reciprocating. The amount of nights Dean had to yell at you for gossiping into the night were countless, and as you grew up you figured it would just be natural for you to get together. You were certain he felt for you exactly what you did for him.

It was a teary few months when Sam up and left for college without so much as a goodbye. You understood he was angry. He and his fathers relationship had been tumultuous at best but you thought he would have spared you a thought before he ran off into the night. The teary process had started all over again when you and Dean had gone to fetch him only to find he'd shacked up with some pretty sorority girl while there.

Nevertheless you were there to comfort him when the unimaginable happened and Jess had suffered the same fate as his mum, and you were there again when John was taken from them too. No matter how you felt you could always set your own feelings aside, if Sam needed you you'd been there.

Now years on you’d hoped in vain that he might be ready, that maybe all those signals and stolen looks would finally come to something. You had hoped this time round would be different, that time apart had made him fonder and he'd set aside whatever had been holding him back before. Evidently, had been wrong. The lingering looks and playful flirting continued just like before but nothing more. This caused you to doubt every little thing. Maybe he was just joking around and you couldn't see that through your ever hopeful eyes?

After some searching you figure out the creature you'd be hunting tomorrow should be a poltergeist, and after some moaning from you about work time being over Dean sets the book back into it's place so he can mainline tequila with you.

Dean and you end up a few shots ahead of Sam, the fact he'd done as many as he had shocking the both of you. It didn't take Dean long in his half inebriated state to locate the old juke box, lining up one classic rock song after the other. You create a make shift dance floor by pushing some tables aside despite the less than pleased looks from the bartender.

Dean dances, shredding fake guitar solos and singing along much too loudly as you jump around enthusiastically, looking like you were auditioning for an instrument-less band.

Sam sits and watches from the table, grinning at your antics as he is totally unable to stop himself from laughing to himself every time you pull a face or throw up a rock on sign with your hands.

“Alright Sammy, it's your turn to give the lady a dance", he all but yells as he makes his way to sit at your table as you remain hopping about to Metallica.

With a laugh Sam refuses, “No I'm happy with the view from here.”

“Y/N!” Dean yells. Sam shoots him a bug eyed stare, shaking his head at his elder brother. Your head snaps around at the calling of your name, “Sammy here would rather have you dance all by yourself than give you a dance.” He exclaims childishly, you pouting once more as you try to remain standing on the spot, crossing your legs in an effort to stay balanced.

“That is VERY ungentlemanly”, you huff out, the boys laughing at your choice of words.

“Ya hear that", Dean speaks this time at a volume only Sam could hear, “ you wouldn't wanna be ungentlemanly, would ya?” He asks with a quirk of an eyebrow and tilt of his head.

“I know what you're doing Dean", Sam states, his eyes travelling to where you sway alone, completely unaware of the conversation happening just feet away from you. Dean gives a shrug in response.

“So go do it then.” Dean’s firm statement is met with a hesitant shake of the head.

“I can't Dean, what happened with Jess-”

“Sam,” Dean’s stern voice stops Sam before he can finish his self doubting sentence, “What happened with Jess sucked, but you can’t let that hold you back. That girl,” he gestures with his thumb towards your still dancing form, “ain’t gonna be around forever.”

Sam sits a moment before speaking, “That's what I'm afraid of.”

Your hands slamming on the table snaps Deans jaw shut, now unable to refute Sam any further.

“I have danced by myself too long boys. Sam,” you say, dramatically pointing at him with a straight arm, “if you dance with me I'll let you pick the song.” He laughs a hearty laugh but remains seated, prompting you to continue, returning to leaning on the edge of the table. “One time offer Sam, going once, going twice...” You trail off, standing straight and holding your palm face up for him which with an amused roll of the eyes he accepts. You pull him up leaning your whole body into the action, causing him to lightly collide with your much smaller stature, grabbing you gently in case you should fall. You steady yourself just fine despite the giddy, non-alcohol fuelled rush Sam's hands gave you, firmly grasping one of his hands and yanking him to the juke box.

“Okay Sam, pick away.” He doesn't initially begin to pick so you continue, “Look, I'll even cover my eyes so you don't get all shy about it.” For the umpteenth time that night you make Sam laugh, following your request by flicking through the options until he smirks with his selection.

“Alright, are you ready?” Sam asks while simultaneously pulling your hands away from your eyes and pulling you into the centre of the small space. After some silence the first notes of Way Down by Elvis Presley play, putting a beaming smile on your face.

“Elvis!?” You question in shock, knowing Sam could hardly call himself a fan.

“What can I say, I'm a people pleaser”, he answers as he starts to sway your still joined hands to the fast beat of the music.

You danced like idiots the whole song, Sam spinning you around until you were so dizzy you were sure you'd fall, reaching out and gripping his biceps for stability. He grabs you lightly by the waist before speaking, “Are you okay?” He can't keep the laugh from his sentence, knowing he helped cause your loss of balance. Little did he know he hands on you caused the dizziness just as much as the dancing. You raise your head, looking up at those beautiful eyes, the ones you've been pining after since primary school. You nod, lacking the control of yourself to make the move with any kind of conviction, instead remaining a willing hostage to his gaze.

As your eyes stay locked as the juke box whirs and clicks signifying a change in song.  What plays makes your eyes widen in embarrassment, She Loves You by The Beatles. You reluctantly snap your eyes away from one Winchester to the other, who happens to be standing at the jukebox with a shit-eating grin planted on his face. Your cheeks redden like a fire has been lit under your skin. Risking one last look at Sam whose eyes also rest on Dean, you break away and march to the table. Snatching your jacket as well as Dean’s, you clutch yours in hand while you haphazardly toss his so it collides with his chest.

“We're leaving", you state matter-of-factly, shrugging your jacket on and turning to face the boys with hands on hips.

“Y/N-” Sam’s soft tone of voice makes you click your tongue in irritation. You didn't want him to feel sorry for you, avoiding his what you assumed was a pitying gaze as you spin on your heel making your way to the door.

“I'll meet you at the car", you throw over your shoulder, exiting the bar as The Beatles taunting song chases you out.

She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah.

***

You get into the drivers side door of the impala, an absolute rarity for you. You toss a bottle of water at each Winchester, keeping one for yourself. You forcefully put a burger in Dean's lap, causing an elongated grumble.

“Get with it sunshine", you state without a trace of sympathy, turning the key to start up the car. You drive to the abandoned house, Dean muttering the whole time about not getting too comfortable in the drivers seat. You arrive at the run down, partly boarding up home, rolling to a stop in front of its rickety porch.

“Okay”, you begin, twisting your body around so you have both Sam and Dean in your view, “from what we know this is one nasty poltergeist. It's killed two people already, but there could have been more earlier that we don't know about.” You pause your speech to click your fingers in front of Dean's face after seeing he was spaced out. You look at Sam who is grimacing at the volume you're speaking at. Your eyes roll of their own volition at the hungover men. You were hungover too but they wouldn't be catching you carrying on like that.

“We figured out the bones are probably in the basement-”

“Did we?” You ignore Dean's question in favour of continuing.

“-so since Dean needs bablysitting”, you smack his arm in irritation, “he and I will distract it while you salt and burn the bones.” Sam nods at his being addressed.

The plan now confirmed you all exit the car, you being the first on the porch and at the door after grabbing the necessary equipment from the boot. With the men now present you jiggle the doorknob to find it locked. You instruct the men to stand back and after they oblige you raise your leg and send a forceful kick at it. The wood flings open, dramatically slamming into the wall behind it.

“Damn” you hear Sam mutter, causing a smirk to flicker on your lips as you walk into the run down house. With a brief nod and wishes of luck Sam begins searching for an entrance into the basement, you leading the way into the living room.

You begin to yell and taunt, throwing out profanities and insults to draw the beings attention to you, away from Sam.

Sure enough what furniture remains in the room begins to rumble, a few scattered pieces of wood floating into the air.

“Oh is that all you got?” You goad further against Dean's warnings.

Suddenly pieces of wood fly at you and Dean, intent on getting lodged in your skin. You yank Dean to the side as a broken table launches itself at him, shattering against the wall where he had been standing seconds earlier.

“Move!” You decide that drawing the spirit up higher into the house would help distract it from what's happening below, so you push Dean in the direction of the staircase.

As you ascend frames on the wall fly off at you, making you duck and raise your arms over your head.

Room after room objects are flung at you by an invisible force, Dean at one point being flung across the room like a rag doll.

Just as you're sure the toilet is going to be freed from it's plumbing all of the movement halts. You shoot Dean a smile which he reciprocates, both of you thinking Sam had burnt the bones.

A cry sounding through the house makes your smile fall, realising you had falsely assumed Sam successful.

“Y/N wait!” You ignore Dean's plead as you barrel down the staircase and into the basement.

You find Sam crouched in a dirty corner, a woman in a torn white nightgown and scraggly hair standing over him.

“Hey!” The creature whips around to you just as you unholster your gun and fire a salt round through it, the poltergeist disappearing from the impact. You rush to Sam’s side to assess the damage, finding a large cut running down one side of his face no doubt caused by a collision with the wall. You can find no other immediate injury so you set about finishing what Sam started.

The bones laying only a few feet away were already doused with gas and covered in salt, needing only flames to banish this being from the world. You produce your own lighter from your pocket, opening the Zippo and bringing the little orange flame to life with a flick of your thumb.

“Y/N watch out!” You spin around at Dean's voice in the room, coming face to face with the twisted woman from earlier. With a wicked grin you fly from your crouched position and into a neglected set of drawers. Your side hits its edge, knocking the wind out of your lungs as you promptly fall to the ground.

“Y/N!” You look up at Sam who had let out the frightened cry then to Dean who now had the poltergeist fast approaching him . You clench your teeth, letting out determined huffs as you manage to drag yourself across the ground. Just as the woman is about to set herself upon Dean you drop your lighter atop the bones. Her agonising screeches fill the room as she dissolves to ashes in a burst of light. You let yourself fall onto your back, taking in a deep breath as you stare at the ceiling.

None of you speak as you all take in breaths of relief at the case being over. That is, until Dean breaks the silence.

“Holy shit.”

***

Back at the motel Dean has gone out to get dinner and drinks for you all, you opting to stay and clean up the injured younger brother.

The gash running down his face would luckily be fine without stitches but it would need disinfecting and dressed. You pour the rubbing alcohol you had made Dean buy onto a cotton ball, raising your hand to his face.

“Do I need to tell you this is gonna sting?” He smirks at your teasing question.

“I think we're past that now.” He lets out an involuntary hiss at the alcohol touching his open skin, you grimacing at his discomfort.

As you continue to clean his cut and make sure there are no stray splinters hiding in it you become uncomfortably aware of your proximity. He sits at the edge of the bed and you'd pulled up a stray chair, resting between his legs as you work. A blush rises to your cheeks you know you can do nothing to hide, hoping instead he's polite enough not to mention it.

This isn't the first or last time you've been in a position like this with Sam, but after the bar you felt nervous and unsure of yourself. Sure, you both knew how you felt, but being called out for it even as a joke put tension between you. It's like now what had been largely ignored and overlooked was sitting out in front of you, waiting to be acknowledged. You can see his eyes examining your face as you work, only making the tight feeling in your stomach worse.

You release the breath you were holding tightly within your lungs as you pull away from him, tossing the bloodied cotton into the bin by the bed. You give him a tight lipped smile and  somewhat awkwardly tap his shoulder a few times before standing from the chair. As you do you involuntarily flinch and stiffen, your side singing out in pain now the adrenaline had worn off. You straighten up slowly and attempt to walk to the bathroom, but one of Sam's strong arms reaches out in front of you as you turn away. He lightly takes a hold of your hip, turning you back around to your prior standing position and lightly placing his other hand on your other hip. The already fast beat of your heart increases at the motion, that dizzy feeling from the bar taking hold of your head yet again.

“You’re hurt.” His voice is hardly above a whisper as he looks up at your face from his still seated position. You shrug your shoulders lightly, trying to appear as unperturbed as possible.

“I’ll be fine.” Your nerves betray the collected front you put on, your voice coming out low and scratchy as the words got caught on their way out of your throat.

“Can I see?” He keeps his voice quiet and soft, the imploring look on his face making you lightly nod at him before breaking eye contact as your cheeks light up. Slowly he removes one of his hands from your hip, trailing it across your stomach en route to your injured side. Keeping his eyes on your face he delicately thumbs the hem of your loose shirt before inching the fabric up painstakingly slow until he uncovers the already darkening patches of purple and yellow scattered across your ribs. Holding your shirt in place with one hand he uses the other to ghost his fingers over the area, his touch so feather light that if you hadn't been looking you wouldn't have known he was even touching you.

Your breaths are shallow now, short and desperate as you try to balance your spinning head and erratic heart.

“That'll take a while to heal”, he finally says in conclusion, releasing your shirt for it to fall back in place as he looks up at your face.

“Sam?” He doesn't break the eye contact, a silent signal for you to continue. With the confusion in your heart and head you had no idea what you were about to say until the words passed your lips. “What are we doing?” He knows exactly what you mean, no trace of confusion crosses his face. Yet he does not answer, unsure of what to say.

“It feels like we've been doing this ‘will they, won't they' dance for years.” The words could have come out confident however your breathy delivery of them steals any conviction the statement could have possessed. “Sometimes it feels like I'm going crazy, picking up on things that aren't there”, you say as you nervously fiddle with the hem of your shirt, giving your eyes something to look at rather than his face as you make your confession.

You can feel his eyes have not once left your face since the start of your conversation. From the edge of your vision you can see a sombre smile on his face as he delicately places his hand over both of your much smaller ones, effectively stilling your nervous occupation.

“You're not going crazy Y/N,” you raise your eyes to meet his expectant ones, your hands still held by his, “it's all there.” This is as close to confessing your unspoken feelings the both of you have ever gotten in your long history, leaving you stranded in unchartered territory. You detach your hands from his and take hold of his forearms, him taking the opportunity to once again place his hands on your hips.

“So what are we doing about it?” Neither of you follow up your question with an answer, too far lost in each other’s gaze to speak. Eventually your stare elicits his response, his eyebrow twitching upwards before he speaks.

“I hadn't planned on doing anything about it.” This time it is him that breaks the eye contact, looking off at the ground as he continues. “I've been afraid. I didn't want you to end up like Jess, or worse.” You take his face in between your hands, guiding his eyes back to you.

“You should know by know I can take care of myself.”

“I do. Hell, you saved me and Dean's asses today.” You both smile at his statement, you letting out a breathy, short laugh.

“So what's stopping us now?” You whisper, flitting your gaze between his eyes and lips.

“Nothing.” He firmly pulls you closer, a shiver running down your spine as you lean in.

He finds your lips with his, your fingers going around the back of his neck and grasping at his hair. You’re surprised your already struggling head and heart haven't given up on you yet as his lips delicately glide against yours, the sensation far better than anything you've conjured in a daydream. You sink into the feeling, enjoying the buzz that's spread over your body and the heat radiating off of him.

In a swift movement he shifts his knees between your legs, pulling you down onto his lap so that you’re straddling him. The kiss becomes more desperate as you both press yourselves tightly against each other, hoping to eliminate any space between you. His hands press into you, travelling from your hips and hungrily up your sides.

With that motion the desperate kiss stops as Sam's hand had a little too forcefully slid over your bruised side, causing you to flinch away and let out a hiss.

“Oh my god I'm sorry, are you alright?” He instantly retracts his hands so he can place them on your face, eyes nervous as they scan yours. You can't help but giggle at his overly worried tone. The passionate haze that had saturated you now slowly ebbs away, leaving behind a contented fog. You nod along with your giggles to ease his worry.

“I'm fine.” He lets out a breathy laugh to accompany yours, moving his hands down to your neck and pulling until your forehead touches his.

You stay like that a while, breathing in each other’s air as you enjoy the embrace that you've both been yearning for in silence.

Your tranquillity is shattered with Dean's arrival as he enters the room, loudly struggling with the takeaways and beer. He stops in his tracks when he notices your position. Both you and Sam were too relaxed to leap into action, sitting there like deer in the headlights.

“A-ha!” He throws his head back at his exclamation as he uses his foot to shut the door. You reluctantly separate from Sam, sitting on the bed beside him instead.

“I knew that sappy song would do the trick”, he boasts as he places the items on the small dining table. You reach across the bed, plucking a pillow from the head and promptly throwing it at the cocky Winchester, hitting him in the chest.

“If you think that had anything to do with you you're deluded as well as idiotic”, you bite.

“Yeah right. If I hadn't done that you guys would still be staring at each other every time the others ones back was turned.”

“Dean!” Sam yells in frustration with his brother, Dean raising his hands in surrender.

“Alright. I gotta get a couple more things from the car, that should give you two enough time to get your panties out of a twist.” Your groans in irritation follow Dean out the door, leaving just you and Sam behind once more.

“We are not letting him have any of the credit", you utter, your eyes still fixed on the door. Sam chuckles beside you, linking your fingers and bringing them up to his face where he places a quick kiss on the back of your hand. You smile at his action, him mirroring your gesture.

“Damn right we're not.”

With that you separate, Sam going to help Dean bring stuff in while you decide to go and be the first to indulge in a nice, hot shower.

From the bathroom you can hear Dean's continual bragging of his skills as a matchmaker. You scoff to yourself with a roll of your eyes, knowing he's completely wrong.

Credit needs to go where credit is due. While it may have taken a lot longer than you'd like, you and Sam are finally together, making you the happiest you can ever recall being.

The credit for that belongs solely to the two of you.

                                                     *********

Taglist

@musiclovinchic93​ @hobby27​

[paene-umbra]

i accidentally deleted the anon for this and i have no idea how to get it back BUT somebody asked me to answer all the questions on the ask meme

END OF THE YEAR ASKS FOR 2018:

(disclaimer: this is going to be so sappy and emotional because I did so many amazing things this past year that I am so incredibly proud of and there will definitely be too much information shared but I don’t care! I can do what I want!)

1. what is one thing you’re very proud of having done this year?

- in 2018 I am proud of cutting my father mostly out of my life. he was the source of so much pain and anxiety and trauma and cutting him out has lifted a huge weight off my shoulders and kickstarted my healing.

2. what is one thing you feel you could have done better?

- I could have done better dealing with friendships. I was so incredibly stressed out for a long time and I let my frustration bleed into my relationship to the point where being around friends and groups was too emotionally draining. I dropped a lot of friends that deserved better and in 2019 I plan on rekindling relationships and giving my friends as much love as they deserve.

3. what do you hope to do better next year?

- since it is already 2019 (whoops) I have a lot of resolutions that I am planning on implementing this year. I am going to put in more effort towards maintaining my mental health while also balancing my classes, work, and friends. I want to get close again to the people I used to be close to.

4. what was something scary you faced and overcame this year?

- in 2018 I started to address a lot of the problems that were contributing to my poor mental health. I began really looking into why I was so afraid of real emotional connection with other people and trying to understand the blockages that were holding me back from being the best version of myself. for the very first time I was able to confront the fact that I have forcing myself to suffer in silence for the sake of my appearance and reputation. for the longest time, I could not stand the possibility of anyone knowing that I was hurting so much because that would have meant admitting that I was being hurt by people who loved me, so I prioritized the way that they felt instead of myself. I tried so hard to pretend that I was stable and well-adjusted because it was easier than confronting the way I let people treat me and all of the hard work that I would have to do to try to heal from my pain. I always thought I had to hide the bad parts of me to be the perfect daughter but hiding something like mental illness doesn’t make the pain magically go away. I’m not a lesser person for being mentally ill. I deserve to be happy and to get the help that I need, and it is not my job anymore to coddle the feelings of the people who hurt me. it was terrifying to admit that I was completely broken for so many years, but I am endlessly proud of finally being able to acknowledge that and start putting myself back together.

5. what did you think would be scary and then was not?

- I thought that speaking in front of crowds was terrifying in theory but after actually having to do it several times for my job, I realized that I have important things to educate people about and that speaking in large groups is the best way to teach them, so being afraid does not help my cause.

6. do you feel like you grew in some way this year? why?

- hell yeah I grew in 2018. I grew enough to be able to put myself before others, to not be afraid of rejection, to push for better treatment, to drop those who hold me back or don’t deserve me, etc…

7. are there people you credit with this growth? who?

- yes, I think that some people helped me to grow. first, I think all the people who hurt me are deserving of the credit towards me developing the strength I needed to drop their negative asses. I also need to give SO MUCH CREDIT to my wonderful boyfriend for showing me what a real man is like and forcing me to deal with everything head-on instead of letting life steamroll me. he is miles ahead of me when it comes to self care but he supports the little steps that I am able to take and he is responsible for so much because of how he lifts me up and encourages me to put in the work. he believes in me and knows that I can and will be better and he has been willing to stay with me as I deal with my issues.

8. what is one piece of advice you’d give other people?

- I think I would tell people that giving up doesn’t fix anything. nothing is solved by letting life overtake you. pushing through when you’re barely keeping your head above water is the hardest thing that you can do. it does not always pay off immediately and sometimes it feels so pointless to keep swimming when it looks like there is water for miles and miles and miles but there is always eventually going to be land. you just have to find it, and I know you can.

9. what was the nicest thing someone did for you?

- his one is hard because my memory is not the best. I can’t think of anything specific but I’m sure that lots of people did lots of nice things for me.

10. who inspires you? why?

- my little inspires me. from the moment she joined my sorority I knew she was special, and as I got to know her and fall in love with her personality, I got so impressed with her and where she is in life in spite of all that has happened to her.

11. what are your main sources of inspiration? why?

- my inspiration mostly comes from people and hearing about the incredible things that some humans have done. hearing about the strength of other people makes me want to be strong.

12. what inspires you more: words, pictures, or music?

- music, for sure. there are so many amazing songs that spark my interest and provoke my thoughts.

13. what scares you, creatively?

- I am not really very creative at all. I think what stopped me from being creative is my fear of rejection. I was so terrified that people would hate me for what I wrote or drew or said that I kept it all to myself and let my creativity die out. maybe someday I will work on rekindling the creative ability, but it is not at the top of my list.

14. what did you enjoy working on most this year?

- my fish! owning bettas gave me something to look forward to doing and gave me an outlet to direct my focus and frustration through. any time I was having a hard day I knew I could look at my lil fishy boys and put my restlessness into caring for them and making sure that they were doing really well.

15. what did you have the most fun doing?

- the most fun I had in 2018 year probably came from being able to live with my roommate/soulmate again this semester. we have had our ups and downs but I love her so much and she is my other half, definitely. she brings out a whole new side of me that lets me be silly and goofy and myself around her.

16. what did you have the least fun doing?

- the least amount of fun in 2018 most likely came from the introspection that I had to do to contribute to my self-care. I did not enjoy the work it took, but I am pleased with the outcome of recognizing what needs to be changed and actually getting to make myself better and happier.

17. what is the best compliment you’ve gotten? why?

- I was recently told “your confidence, happiness, and strength has always inspired me! you’re an incredible human and I’m so thankful to be able to know you” and that was so incredible to hear because I don’t often think about the impact that I have on other people. I never thought I was important enough to influence another person’s life, let alone contribute to making it better in any way. I think it is really nice to know that even when I am struggling, I have the ability to positively impact others.

18. what is the best compliment anyone could ever give you?

- the best compliment would probably be something about how they have seen me grow throughout my years and continuously improve. I am not the best at keeping friends for more than a couple years at a time, so I don’t know if I will ever hear that one.

19. what do you wish people commented on more?

- about me??? I don’t know. I don’t really like other people talking about me lmao but I guess I like hearing people’s first impressions of me and how they differ from how I actually am. those are always fun to learn about.

20. what do you feel is the most underrated thing you have done? why?

- during my high school years, I played therapist A LOT to so many people. I put so much emotional labor into listening to other people and helping them figure out problems or just giving them a shoulder to cry on. rarely was this ever returned by those people, so I felt really used a lot of the time but honestly if I had to do it all over again I wouldn’t change a thing because I want to help people feel better.

21. name (and reblog) at least three things you’ve made this year that you’re proudest of.

- sorry, this one isn’t applicable to me. I don’t really make things or post them to tumblr.

22. what are your goals for next year?

- I plan to stop telling people things that aren’t any of their business. I spent a lot of time keeping everything to myself and when I finally started getting friends I felt like I had to tell them everything about me and my life to keep them interested, but that isn’t true. I need to learn how to keep some things private when they need to be.

I want to rekindle a lot of friendships that I messed up in 2018. I let a lot of people fade out of my life when I should not have.

I want to go to THERAPY!! I want to talk to professionals who can help me structure my path of healing!!!

I want to get more comfortable with the body I’m in. that means wearing less makeup, using fewer snapchat filters and other photo editing techniques, and judging myself less when I wear clothes that maybe aren’t the most flattering. it is okay to be ugly and I am not worth less for not being attractive. I want to stretch more and maybe get into a routine of exercising every now and then to feel better instead of to lose weight. I want to eat healthier and drink more water for my health instead of for the purpose of becoming skinny.

I want to make an effort to be more outgoing and get more involved in my sorority and with my Greek life.

23. name three things you like about yourself – and name one think you like about the person you reblogged this from.

I like my irises! my brown eyes are beautiful and unique no matter what anyone says. My eyes have rings like trees and uneven colors throughout. they are beautiful! I like how soft my hair is and I also like the shape of my lips.

something I like about the person I reblogged this ask from, @makingoutisgreat, is how strong and confident she seems. she is beautiful and she knows it and is not afraid to show it off. it is very inspiring.

[forkanna]

[AO3 LINK] [EF LINK]

NOTES: Literally sitting in what used to be the Second Cup location from the movie right now! It's since become an espresso bar, so at least I could get some kind of coffee-related drink (really wanted to tell them my name was "Fucking Pilgrim" when they asked). I've been enjoying this trip, and all the fun stuff I got to see; drove past the Pizza Pizza where they got a slice after Scott beat up Todd, and Sneaky Dee's (comic-only reference). I'm really hoping I can see Casa Loma and a few other Pilgrim-landmarks before I head home.

This chapter has another cliffhanger, but we're getting into the meat of the story now. Plus, there's a little extra something for Flyafar in here somewhere, hehehehe.

"...So then I said, 'that's the only kind of cheese you know, isn't it?'" Knives giggled as she finished putting the clear coat on top of my fingernails. The whole time, I looked very distinctly disgruntled at the whole situation, though I couldn't scowl nearly as much as usual with the face mask on. "But the guy had no idea what I was talking about. Some people are just really super dumb, huh?"

"Some people, present company included." She stuck out her tongue, showing just how well she was adapting to my general demeanor. "Can we take these off yet?"

"Almost. And I'll get yours so your nails can dry."

"Thanks." She leaned in to peck my lips, and I just barely managed to suppress the instinct to flinch. "U-uh…"

Her little sigh of contentment was so cute. Which made it even funnier that what she said next was, "So cute." Then she blew on my nails for a second before reaching up to her own face, and slowly peeling the mask down and off. "Eeewww… okay, ready?"

"As I'll ever be." She grabbed a corner and began to peel it off, and I shivered; it was so cold and gross-feeling! Why did people do this to themselves?

Once she jumped up and threw both of ours away, little aluminum foil pieces bobbing in front of her forehead, I tried not to watch her ass as she went. Why did I care about that all of a sudden? Never once could I remember looking at a girl's ass and thinking "Oh yeah, I'd do something to that." Especially since I had no idea what the "something" was! Spank it? Bite it? Use it as a coffee table? No idea. I never checked out guys' butts, either. Maybe I was seriously repressed and Knives was uncorking a whole bottle of desire I didn't even know I owned. And when I say "maybe", I mean "probably".

When Knives got back into my living room, she came to a stop and towered above me as she asked, "So, I do have to shower soon and get this dye out of my hair. But I can keep you company while your nails dry."

"They're almost done," I told her dismissively, determined not to think too hard about Knives being naked in my apartment. No, to not think about it. NOT to THINK ABOUT IT, stupid pervy brain! "You can go on if you want; nobody likes an itchy, burning scalp."

"Cool. And then we can finish everything up! I want to do your toes before we go to bed, at least, and put on that movie you brought."

"I bet you want to do my toes," I tried to tease her. "Already said you think they're cute."

Her grin was very playful. Sometimes she was super easy to tease, and sometimes she just danced right past my traps. How annoying. "The freckled one is. And I guess her little friends are, too." Her foot nudged mine, and I shivered, not even sure why I was shivering. "But I think all of you is cute, so…"

"Well, I think none of you is cute. All of you is dumb. Dumb face, dumb head…" This time, she was the one to roll her eyes and walk away, though she was giggling as she went.

While my new girlfriend showered, I mostly just tried not to ruin my fresh coat of paint and sat there, listening to the music still playing from her iPod. This was nice. Goddamn everything, I wanted to hate getting all girly with her, but she was making it fun. And to be honest, even though she was way girlier than me, it wasn't to the disgusting heights of a typical "sorority bimbo". This was about the maximum level of femininity I could handle invading my androgynous zone.

Get it? Androgynous zone. That's a pun.

When she came out of the bathroom roughly an hour after going in, freshly showered and in fuzzy PJs with cartoony cats patterned all over them, she caught me trying to eat the last slice of Pizza Pizza without touching anything with my fingernails. Her laugh was beautiful and earnest, and it kept me from snapping at her as harshly as I wanted to.

"Shut up, I got hungry!" More giggles. "Okay, okay, how was your shower? The hair looks pretty good."

Her fingers traced through the damp red forelock. "Thanks! I dunno, I tried going back to being totally natural but I missed the dyed part. And I guess I got over the whole thing about resenting Ramona, since… I got somebody better than Scott in the end."

"Y- I…" My words crashed into each other and wound up a tangled mess, and my freckles turned darker as she leaned in to kiss my blushing cheek. Then she licked it. "WHAT?! Why would you do that?!"

"Pizza sauce."

"O-oh… thanks, I think." Another giggle, and this time I laughed, as well. "Guess I made a mess trying not to make a mess of my nails."

"They look great! Just have to finish the rest."

"Yeah, okay, as long as we can put on some bad TV in the background."

So that's exactly what we did next. I rested my feet in her cross-legged lap, and she painted while Friends blared in the background. God, I hate that show, but she loves it. At least it was something for her to be entertained by, and I could entertain myself by ripping it to shreds whenever possible.

Especially Ross. Fucking Ross, man…

Around the time she was finishing up mine and we were getting ready to switch, she asked, "What would it have been like if we met in school?"

"You mean, like, if I was nineteen, or you were twenty-four? We did both go to a Catholic school…"

"We DID?!" she piped up, flicking a tiny drip of the dark green paint onto my ankle. But my glare was unnecessary, because she wiped it up with a facial tissue right away. "Oh yeah, I think you mentioned it… I just wasn't thinking about it that way. Wow, so cool!"

"Yeah, it's fabulous," I sighed in a deadpan.

"But sure, that." She blew on the nails for a second, then kissed my toe-freckle. I don't know why, but even though I really wanted to kick at her and tell her to cut that out, instead I just felt faintly embarrassed and kept my mouth shut. "What if you were a girl in my class? Then like, we could have hung out all the time, and talked about boys…"

My smirk was quite dark as I let my legs down over the side, and she offered me the jars of the polish we had used on her fingernails earlier in the evening. Bright red, to match her hair. "We don't seem to care much about boys, dude."

"Not now," she clarified with a huge grin as her feet landed in my lap. "But both of us were extra straight then. Or like, I was, and you probably were, too. Since I'm the first girl for you."

"Who says? Maybe I really did have a threesome with Scott and Ramona." But her stunned look didn't last long, because I set to painting as I grumbled, "Fine, fine. I didn't. But yeah… I dunno. Probably wouldn't have hung out with you back then since you weren't very 'cool'. And I was still angsty, and just wanted to play the drums. Funny how you can think you're so awesome and when you look back a few years later, realise you were just a whiny little bitch."

Frowning, she told me, "Don't say that. You were a kid. So was I in high school, doing theater and band and stuff. Before you guys helped me grow up some. I mean, my school days were more recent for me but I think it's pretty much the same thing."

"It is," I admitted, even though the High School Kim part of my brain was screaming that it was totally different and that I was a sellout and all this other crap. She needed to chill. "But for what it's worth… you weren't that bad. I just didn't want a groupie hanging around while we practiced."

"You mean that?"

"Yeah. Nothing personal. I didn't like Ramona much at first, either."

"Well… we were dating Scott. I mean, I've been dumped by him, I get it."

"No, you don't. He wasn't the first one you ever…" I bit my lip. "Look. It is the same, and it's not. Sorry if I act kind of salty about this sometimes."

The foot that hadn't been painted yet nudged my tummy to get my attention, and I looked up to see real sympathy in her eyes. Even though I was kind of being a dick. "It's okay."

"Sorry… I'm really sorry, Knives." Clearing my throat, I redipped the brush and went back to work. "You're right, we're both members of the Scott Pilgrim Lonely Hearts Club. I shouldn't split hairs."

"What was it like? Being with a guy. I mean, I never got that far."

"Like being fucked," I said bluntly, and she snorted. My serious expression finally softened as I spared her a glance. "I mean, you've gone a solo round before, right? Not that different from fingering yourself."

"Well… not really." She seemed extra awkward about this question. Not that I got why; maybe she was just shy about admitting this. But it's no big deal, only masturbation talk. Whole world does it, right? 'She bop, he bop, and we bop', to quote Lauper. "Tried some stuff. And it wouldn't be the same thing you experienced, that's for sure."

Nodding, I finished the first set of five toes off and moved to the second. "Guess everybody's different."

"And now, I might never know, since I kinda hope…"

I waited for a few seconds. When she didn't finish, I froze for a second as what she had been leading to caught up to me, and I sat up straighter, looking her in the eyes. Yeah, that was definitely what I thought it was, because she looked a little mortified, and highly self-conscious.

"You were gonna say something sappy about me, weren't you?"

"Noooo…"

"Are you lying?"

"Maaaaaybe," she admitted, wilting. "Sorry, Kim. I know, I know! It's new, and we're just, like, giving it a trial run or whatever, but I can't help it."

Swallowing down the weird, giddy noise that tried to erupt from my throat, I coughed, then said, "W-well… I guess it feels pretty good when you say stuff like that. Just a little frightening, too. And nauseating. It's a lot to process."

"What's to process? I like you."

"That! THAT is a lot to process for me! Why? And how can you when I'm not gay?"

"Okay, pretty sure you're a little gay," she giggled, and I sighed in defeat as I facepalmed yet again. "Sorry to break it to you, friend."

A little disgruntled at how she kept laughing at me, I went back to finishing the paint job. "Very little. Like, point-one per cent. And you're a little bit of a cunt for rubbing it in."

"What's to rub in? Being gay isn't an insult."

"Yeah, but it still feels like one since until you started trying to make out with me all the time, I figured I was straight. And I'm used to fucktards calling me 'dyke' just because I don't giggle and flirt back when guys tell me 'duuude, redheads are hoooot, broooo'. So yeah, for me, being called a lesbian mostly used to be a way for them to insult me and make themselves feel better that I shot them the fuck down."

"Redheads are pretty hot, though," she said with a nod, completely serious. I nearly messed up her pinky toe because of that, but I kept my cool and finished it, then began blowing on them to get them to dry as fast as possible so I could be done.

"We burn in the sun, and we have no souls. Plus some people call freckles 'cute' but they don't really get how annoying they are. And then there's the part where bleaching my hair to turn it any colour other than red just looks horrible, so I'm kinda stuck with it."

Frowning very slightly, she said, "Aww, but I like your freckles. You might not but I really do think they're cute."

"You think one freckle is cute, and it's a weird one. Feet aren't cute, end of story." I was still trying to blow on them again when Knives pushed her big toe into my lips, cutting off the airflow.

"Don't you think mine are cute?" I pulled away, sputtering and spitting. "Guess not."

"UGH! Why would you do that?! They're dirty!"

"I just had a shower! Literally just now!" she protested as I wiped my arm across my lips. "Careful, your fingernails-!"

"God, sometimes I really don't know what you're thinking…" But it really hadn't been that big of a deal, so I went back to checking her nails again. "And you're dry. I'm ready for my clear coat."

Again, we switched laps, and she started in with my top coat. After she got the first few done, she said in a quiet voice, "Sorry, I guess that was dumb."

"It was dumb. But yeah, I didn't mean to flip out that much." We were both quiet for a moment. Maybe I really had hurt her by overreacting. "Okay, so your feet are cute, as far as any feet can be in the first place. Happy?"

"Mmmm…" Now she was thinking it over, and I had a feeling I wasn't going to get off that light. "Tell me something else about me that's cute."

"Your ass. There."

"Kiiiiiiim," she whined.

"Your face! That little button nose, your soft, dark eyes, your giant smile that belongs on a much bigger face than yours! Jesus H. Benjamin Christ!"

That got her smiling again, and I rolled my eyes. But I wasn't lying. For a second, I thought she was going to gloat, but instead she simply raised my foot and pressed her lips into my big toe, kissing it for a lot longer than I had accidentally kissed hers. She even closed her eyes while doing it, as if she were enjoying herself. Crazy, right?

"Same. Like, you're the hottest girl I know! I thought you were way out of my league. And I mean like, after we made out; before that, I just kinda looked up to you in a weird, awkward way. But after…"

Just barely starting to get over her kissing me there of all places, I stammered, "Wait… h-have you had a crush on me since that night? Seriously?"

"No! I mean, a little? But not like, in the way that I was hanging around you and hoping this would happen. Because I never believed it could. But yeah, I, um… you were so sweet and understanding, it was a whole other side of you. Always kinda hoped I'd get to know you better, just as a friend. Ever since that night."

'Yeah, one I can't remember,' I scoffed to myself. But she didn't need to hear that. Glancing away at the TV, I tried to process that for a minute. At least this hadn't been some long, elaborate ruse just to get into my pants; I could appreciate that a lot more than if it were. On the other hand, it was kinda sad. Knives saw potential in us as a couple long before I did, and it felt off-balance. Wrong.

Maybe I needed to step up my girlfriend-game to make up for that. Not that I had any idea how.

"You deserve better."

"Don't do that thing," she warned me with a little purse of her lips.

"Fine, I won't. But you do." And I let it go at that.

All nails were painted and clear-coated, and I got off without having to match Knives in her toe-kissing intensity. Which was great, because… no thanks. Trying to do better in the dating department than just playing Super Smash Bros. and being an asshole, I let her be the little spoon and recline against me as we lounged and watched an old DuckTales VHS, barely talking and mostly just enjoying that closeness. The feeling of legs against my own, warm bodies close together, was… weird. Like a preview of what it would be like sleeping next to her someday? I don't know.

Finally, she yawned and I agreed that it was getting late. "I'll make up the couch while you brush your teeth or whatever."

"Okay. Yeah, I have a whole ritual; it takes a little longer than yours, of course."

"Of course," I scoffed with sarcasm. Not that I was sure what she meant. "Go for it."

Once I had a sheet down on the cushions, I nodded to myself and sighed, then looked around and started clearing away some of the food-related trash. Then I moved her suitcase — what was in that thing?! — and got my living room as ready to be a bedroom as it was ever gonna be. Was I really going to dote so much now that we were sorta-kinda together? It boggled the mind.

Decked out in my own PJs, which were more like just a ratty tee and sporty shorts, I heard the toilet flush. After a second, I went to knock on the bathroom door. "Knives?"

"Yeah?"

Pushing it open, I started asking, "Do you sleep with the light on or…"

We both froze. It wasn't that she was naked or anything; she wasn't. Her underwear was on, and so was her top, but her PJ pants were down to her knees and she was seated on the toilet, lid closed. That wasn't the problem. It was the hypodermic needle she had stabbed into her thigh.

"Off, usually; though I have a Keroppi night light from when I was little that I leave on in case I have to get up to pee. Forgot to bring it, though."

What the fuck?!

                                                           To Be Continued…

[cloakedsparrow]

Saving one world from destruction or the schemes of would be world conquerors is a herculean task, but rescuing the countless worlds of Marvel Comics’ multiverse from is an even bigger challenge. The super strong, dimension hopping America Chavez knows this to be true. Inspired by her parents heroic sacrifice, Chavez spent her formative years traversing the multiverse using her super abilities to help people and worlds in need.

Service like that is incredibly inspiring, but taking so much time to help others often means not taking care of yourself. This March, America Chavez tackles that problem by going on a journey of self-discovery across time and multiple realities.

RELATED: Ms. America: 15 Awesome Facts About America Chavez

Writer Gabby Rivera and artist Joe Quinones will begin documenting Chavez’s personal and academic journey this March in their new ongoing series, “America.” CBR spoke with both creators about their take on their title character, what college will mean to her, and which Marvel characters she’ll encounter as she navigates her heroic and collegiate responsibilities.

CBR: Gabby, travel broadens the mind, and in America Chavez you have a protagonist who’s a veteran traveler of a variety of other dimensions and realities thanks to one of her super abilities. What’s your sense of how that’s affected her perspective?

Gabby Rivera: I mean, that’s a deep question, right? Cuz you’re talking about a character that left paradise to dive into worlds riddled with humanity, chaos, and the need for super heroes. So, right out the gate, America has always been someone thirsting for a challenge and looking for ways to serve the people.

America doesn’t seem to have time or energy for the things that regular folks get wrapped up in, like petty interpersonal dramas or agonizing over the smallest details or logistics. For her, whatever current reality or place/time that she’s in exists in the middle of every other world too. It’s dangerous sometimes because it lends itself to that “punch first, ask questions later” type of vibe that she has but also, it helps when situations need to be de-escalated.

I think all the worlds both blend for her and remain distinct. And that’s why America’s real loyalties are to herself, why she holds her feelings so close to her chest. Why let out things when people can hurt you like they do in every other world at any given place and time?

This series will show her finally releasing some of that apprehension and really investigating her own motives and abilities. And maybe even finding a home of sorts.

Joe, as an artist, what do you find most interesting about America Chavez? Which of her qualities do you really want to make sure you capture and bring forth in your depictions of her?

Joe Quinones: I think America hides a big heart behind a veneer of scowls and clenched fists. She’s guarded, as Gabby alluded to, and quick to throw the first punch, but clearly wants to share her love. Illustrating the nuances of that internal conflict (while she still throws some hard punches) is very interesting to me. That, and she just looks so damn cool. It’s been great fun designing new looks for her along the way.

Comic fans probably know America best through her interactions with super teams like the Ultimates and the Young Avengers, but we’ve not see a lot of her on her own.

Rivera: Listen, sometimes it’s like we’re all pressured to go from high school to college and be straight and get married and make some babies and put our pics on Facebook and buy a house and go on vacation and pay taxes and die. It’s all mapped out. There’s a system of support for people who follow that road, which can include easier relationships with relatives, tax breaks etc. Give or take a few random acts of the universe, you’ll be fine.

That’s not the life America has ever known. She grew up with two moms and then, boom — they were snatched because of ultimate sacrifices and whatnot. Then she spent a long time saving other people… and now she’s feeling like something is missing. Missing in the realest way, you know? Who are her people? What is she really capable of as a superhero?

Higher education can also be a radical act of self care. America is choosing to dive deeper into herself, to step away from the life that she knows, the life she already kicks ass at to start anew. America is taking inventory of her super hero abilities and wants to upgrade all around. What else is possible? If she can punch into other dimensions and fly and have super strength, then what is America capable of when she intentionally taps into her core? Could she stop the world?

What are some of the things we’ll see in the early issues of “America?” It sounds like this is a series that lends itself to a variety of stories.

Rivera: We’re definitely bringing in some heavy hitters from the Marvel Universe to offer support and guidance to America. Much of what this series is about is personal growth, building one’s power, and just listening to what your heart and mind want you to do. But also, it’s about playing with someone who’s full of fire and wants to just punch her way through life. We’re going to see where America’s impetuousness lands her and how she gets herself out of the chaos.

Also, be ready for lots of radical women fighting for their people and their right to own what’s theirs. Be ready for characters who love themselves, land the best one-liners, and show up bringing the magic. You’re probably going to fall in love with all of them.

I’ve had to remember along the way that America isn’t me. Like whenever things get too sappy or too serious, I gotta hit that delete button and write the brash things I’d never say and let America climb the walls and be free. So it’s going to be a little goofy, and fun-sexy, and everyone is still going to learn life lessons.

Joe, you’re coming off a run on “Howard the Duck” where you drew a variety of fun and strange stories and characters. So what’s it like moving from “Howard” to “America?”

Quinones: No differences, whatsoever. Next question.

Just kidding. Beyond the obvious “Chavez don’t got a duck bill” distinction, the books certainly have their similarities and differences. The focus has shifted, of course – “America” won’t center on jokes as “Howard” did, but the two both have their fair share of melodrama mixed with bombastic action. Chip and I tackled some moments of sincere emotion in “Howard,” and I think Gabby and I are set up to do the same with “America.” No comment on how sexy or not sexy Howard is. You do you.

[Laughs] What else can you tell us about the initial supporting cast of “America?” Will her girlfriend Lisa Halloran, play a role in the book?Rivera: We’ve got some fun folks lined up for this series, but everyone’s asking about Lisa Halloran and Kate Bishop. So, let’s be real — I can’t give away too many of the goods. But I will say this: you will catch Lisa and Kate in some intense moments throughout this series. Might not be how folks want or expect, I mean are relationships ever how we expect them to be? But they’ll be there.

And we have a wild crew of new faces ready to roll out and join the Marvel Universe. I mean, we’ve got some robotic sorority girls, some unexpected family members, and an entire college bursting with surprises. Be on the lookout for tough, ready to rumble women of color, and some of our favorite high profile superheroes that you know and love from Marvel. Maybe even some X-Men if you’re lucky…

Also, at some point, Joe’s dog is going to make a cameo in America. First one to find it gets an autographed picture of Joe’s dog signed by Joe. He might not know this but it’s happening.

Quinones: It’s my sister’s dog, actually. But he’s great, I tell you. Great. My cat Biggs showed up in “Howard the Duck,” becoming Howard’s cyborg cat. I love the idea of making this a tradition where I bring my favorite animals into the books I draw. It makes me happy.

What hints or teases can you offer up about the enemies America will be up against in your initial stories?

Rivera: We’re going to have fun with villains. Some will be plucked from Marvel’s history of creating some of the greatest villains ever. Others, we’re making up. We’re definitely going to play with the idea of jealousy and how that can turn someone with huge powers into an intergalactic threat. America’s building up her strength and some folks won’t like that. Some folks will feel like the power they’ve built up along the way is being threatened by this Latina lesbian so and so and they’re not gonna like that one bit.

But when does institutionalized power ever appreciate strength from beyond their ranks? This series will also be about resistance and rallying behind your people, things America already does so well. Watch what happens when something big really comes for her…

Joe what can you tell us about the overall look you want “America” to have? How does it compare to some of your most recent work?

Quinones: I didn’t have a label for it until Gabby mentioned it to me recently, but America’s overall look represents a “hard femme” aesthetic. Hard, tough and feminine. She won’t have just one look in our book, but several, ranging from super casual dorm-wear to rough and tumble, superhero duds. I’m trying to carry on the aesthetic tradition established by Jamie McKelvie on “Young Avengers,” but with some new twists. America is very much tuned into fashion, with a unique personal style that permeates her wardrobe. Doing my best to tap into that with Gabby’s help.

Gabby, what’s it like working with Joe on “America?” Which elements of his style do you enjoy the most? And Joe, what’s it like working with Gabby? Which elements of her scripts have really excited you so far?

Rivera: Joe’s artwork is astonishing. He brings America to life in this way where I feel like I could reach out and high five her or hug her. And…it’s fun! Joe’s got this goofy side that I really like and that works well with me. I can send Joe some pics of Selena or some donuts for inspiration and then bam, he kicks back some work that capture the essence of each of those things and applies them perfectly to the characters. Also, Joe’s an expert and he treats me, someone so new, with much respect and is down for all my ideas. I’m thankful to be working with him on this project.

Quinones: Oh, you. Gabby has just been great to work with thus far. She’s got a amazing sense of the character, her personality oozing off the page. And she’s already deftly given me both thrilling action to draw and quiet, nuanced, personal scenes. It’s been really fun to tackle on either end.

Finally, Gabby, “America” is your first comic and likely to be some readers first exposure to your work. What’s it like moving from prose to comic scripts? And readers who are interested in what you’re doing in “America” might be curious about your novel “Juliet Takes a Breath.” What would you like them to know about the book?

Rivera: Seriously, this is the coolest writing gig ever! I’m someone who’s just like a goofy nerdburger, daydreaming all the time. And now I’ve got this opportunity to create stories with folks who are daydreamers too. I can explore real life problems in fantasy worlds where all the things are possible. Damn, do you know what that’s like for a queer brown weirdo? It’s something that humbles and excites me to my core. When there aren’t any barriers in your way like racism or poverty, when you can afford to live and be free, damn, that world world gets to be all yours. That world can be anything and writing that story is a gift.

Also, the actual process is helping me hone my writing skills in a major way. This type of on-the-job education is invaluable. With comic writing, I get to practice being concise, (although you might not be able to tell) and still impactful with my storytelling. I work with skilled editors who also have grand imaginations and use them to guide me in the best ways. It’s really a gift to be here.

As for my first novel, “Juliet Takes a Breath,” that’s my baby. It’s just this sweet little goofy novel that I got to share with the world. It actually made it out of my laptop and into the hands of people. And yeah, it’s about a young lesbian Latina from the Bronx trying to figure out feminism while navigating LGBTQ things and her relationship with her mom. Those are all important elements about Juliet, especially when it comes to the importance of diversity in literature.

It’s also the story of some kid trying to be 19, make out with cute people, and question authority. Those are some of the most quintessential elements in American storytelling. Juliet is one of those hometown kids looking to see the world and grow up. And she also tells a mean one-liner while rocking the latest Jordans, so give her a chance, y’all.

“America” #1, by Gabby Rivera and Joe Quinones, arrives in stores March 1.

[aion-rsa]

INTERVIEW: Exploring The Many Dimensions of Marvel’s America

Saving one world from destruction or the schemes of would be world conquerors is a herculean task, but rescuing the countless worlds of Marvel Comics’ multiverse from is an even bigger challenge. The super strong, dimension hopping America Chavez knows this to be true. Inspired by her parents heroic sacrifice, Chavez spent her formative years traversing the multiverse using her super abilities to help people and worlds in need.

Service like that is incredibly inspiring, but taking so much time to help others often means not taking care of yourself. This March, America Chavez tackles that problem by going on a journey of self-discovery across time and multiple realities.

RELATED: Ms. America: 15 Awesome Facts About America Chavez

Writer Gabby Rivera and artist Joe Quinones will begin documenting Chavez’s personal and academic journey this March in their new ongoing series, “America.” CBR spoke with both creators about their take on their title character, what college will mean to her, and which Marvel characters she’ll encounter as she navigates her heroic and collegiate responsibilities.

CBR: Gabby, travel broadens the mind, and in America Chavez you have a protagonist who’s a veteran traveler of a variety of other dimensions and realities thanks to one of her super abilities. What’s your sense of how that’s affected her perspective?

Gabby Rivera: I mean, that’s a deep question, right? Cuz you’re talking about a character that left paradise to dive into worlds riddled with humanity, chaos, and the need for super heroes. So, right out the gate, America has always been someone thirsting for a challenge and looking for ways to serve the people.

EXCLUSIVE: A page from “America” #1 by Joe Quinones

America doesn’t seem to have time or energy for the things that regular folks get wrapped up in, like petty interpersonal dramas or agonizing over the smallest details or logistics. For her, whatever current reality or place/time that she’s in exists in the middle of every other world too. It’s dangerous sometimes because it lends itself to that “punch first, ask questions later” type of vibe that she has but also, it helps when situations need to be de-escalated.

I think all the worlds both blend for her and remain distinct. And that’s why America’s real loyalties are to herself, why she holds her feelings so close to her chest. Why let out things when people can hurt you like they do in every other world at any given place and time?

This series will show her finally releasing some of that apprehension and really investigating her own motives and abilities. And maybe even finding a home of sorts.

Joe, as an artist, what do you find most interesting about America Chavez? Which of her qualities do you really want to make sure you capture and bring forth in your depictions of her?

Joe Quinones: I think America hides a big heart behind a veneer of scowls and clenched fists. She’s guarded, as Gabby alluded to, and quick to throw the first punch, but clearly wants to share her love. Illustrating the nuances of that internal conflict (while she still throws some hard punches) is very interesting to me. That, and she just looks so damn cool. It’s been great fun designing new looks for her along the way.

Comic fans probably know America best through her interactions with super teams like the Ultimates and the Young Avengers, but we’ve not see a lot of her on her own.

Rivera: Listen, sometimes it’s like we’re all pressured to go from high school to college and be straight and get married and make some babies and put our pics on Facebook and buy a house and go on vacation and pay taxes and die. It’s all mapped out. There’s a system of support for people who follow that road, which can include easier relationships with relatives, tax breaks etc. Give or take a few random acts of the universe, you’ll be fine.

That’s not the life America has ever known. She grew up with two moms and then, boom — they were snatched because of ultimate sacrifices and whatnot. Then she spent a long time saving other people… and now she’s feeling like something is missing. Missing in the realest way, you know? Who are her people? What is she really capable of as a superhero?

Higher education can also be a radical act of self care. America is choosing to dive deeper into herself, to step away from the life that she knows, the life she already kicks ass at to start anew. America is taking inventory of her super hero abilities and wants to upgrade all around. What else is possible? If she can punch into other dimensions and fly and have super strength, then what is America capable of when she intentionally taps into her core? Could she stop the world?

What are some of the things we’ll see in the early issues of “America?” It sounds like this is a series that lends itself to a variety of stories.

Rivera: We’re definitely bringing in some heavy hitters from the Marvel Universe to offer support and guidance to America. Much of what this series is about is personal growth, building one’s power, and just listening to what your heart and mind want you to do. But also, it’s about playing with someone who’s full of fire and wants to just punch her way through life. We’re going to see where America’s impetuousness lands her and how she gets herself out of the chaos.

EXCLUSIVE: A page from “America” #1 by Joe Quinones

Also, be ready for lots of radical women fighting for their people and their right to own what’s theirs. Be ready for characters who love themselves, land the best one-liners, and show up bringing the magic. You’re probably going to fall in love with all of them.

I’ve had to remember along the way that America isn’t me. Like whenever things get too sappy or too serious, I gotta hit that delete button and write the brash things I’d never say and let America climb the walls and be free. So it’s going to be a little goofy, and fun-sexy, and everyone is still going to learn life lessons.

Joe, you’re coming off a run on “Howard the Duck” where you drew a variety of fun and strange stories and characters. So what’s it like moving from “Howard” to “America?”

Quinones: No differences, whatsoever. Next question.

Just kidding. Beyond the obvious “Chavez don’t got a duck bill” distinction, the books certainly have their similarities and differences. The focus has shifted, of course – “America” won’t center on jokes as “Howard” did, but the two both have their fair share of melodrama mixed with bombastic action. Chip and I tackled some moments of sincere emotion in “Howard,” and I think Gabby and I are set up to do the same with “America.” No comment on how sexy or not sexy Howard is. You do you.

[Laughs] What else can you tell us about the initial supporting cast of “America?” Will her girlfriend Lisa Halloran, play a role in the book?Rivera: We’ve got some fun folks lined up for this series, but everyone’s asking about Lisa Halloran and Kate Bishop. So, let’s be real — I can’t give away too many of the goods. But I will say this: you will catch Lisa and Kate in some intense moments throughout this series. Might not be how folks want or expect, I mean are relationships ever how we expect them to be? But they’ll be there.

And we have a wild crew of new faces ready to roll out and join the Marvel Universe. I mean, we’ve got some robotic sorority girls, some unexpected family members, and an entire college bursting with surprises. Be on the lookout for tough, ready to rumble women of color, and some of our favorite high profile superheroes that you know and love from Marvel. Maybe even some X-Men if you’re lucky…

Also, at some point, Joe’s dog is going to make a cameo in America. First one to find it gets an autographed picture of Joe’s dog signed by Joe. He might not know this but it’s happening.

Quinones: It’s my sister’s dog, actually. But he’s great, I tell you. Great. My cat Biggs showed up in “Howard the Duck,” becoming Howard’s cyborg cat. I love the idea of making this a tradition where I bring my favorite animals into the books I draw. It makes me happy.

What hints or teases can you offer up about the enemies America will be up against in your initial stories?

Rivera: We’re going to have fun with villains. Some will be plucked from Marvel’s history of creating some of the greatest villains ever. Others, we’re making up. We’re definitely going to play with the idea of jealousy and how that can turn someone with huge powers into an intergalactic threat. America’s building up her strength and some folks won’t like that. Some folks will feel like the power they’ve built up along the way is being threatened by this Latina lesbian so and so and they’re not gonna like that one bit.

But when does institutionalized power ever appreciate strength from beyond their ranks? This series will also be about resistance and rallying behind your people, things America already does so well. Watch what happens when something big really comes for her…

Joe what can you tell us about the overall look you want “America” to have? How does it compare to some of your most recent work?

Quinones: I didn’t have a label for it until Gabby mentioned it to me recently, but America’s overall look represents a “hard femme” aesthetic. Hard, tough and feminine. She won’t have just one look in our book, but several, ranging from super casual dorm-wear to rough and tumble, superhero duds. I’m trying to carry on the aesthetic tradition established by Jamie McKelvie on “Young Avengers,” but with some new twists. America is very much tuned into fashion, with a unique personal style that permeates her wardrobe. Doing my best to tap into that with Gabby’s help.

Gabby, what’s it like working with Joe on “America?” Which elements of his style do you enjoy the most? And Joe, what’s it like working with Gabby? Which elements of her scripts have really excited you so far?

Rivera: Joe’s artwork is astonishing. He brings America to life in this way where I feel like I could reach out and high five her or hug her. And…it’s fun! Joe’s got this goofy side that I really like and that works well with me. I can send Joe some pics of Selena or some donuts for inspiration and then bam, he kicks back some work that capture the essence of each of those things and applies them perfectly to the characters. Also, Joe’s an expert and he treats me, someone so new, with much respect and is down for all my ideas. I’m thankful to be working with him on this project.

Quinones: Oh, you. Gabby has just been great to work with thus far. She’s got a amazing sense of the character, her personality oozing off the page. And she’s already deftly given me both thrilling action to draw and quiet, nuanced, personal scenes. It’s been really fun to tackle on either end.

Finally, Gabby, “America” is your first comic and likely to be some readers first exposure to your work. What’s it like moving from prose to comic scripts? And readers who are interested in what you’re doing in “America” might be curious about your novel “Juliet Takes a Breath.” What would you like them to know about the book?

Rivera: Seriously, this is the coolest writing gig ever! I’m someone who’s just like a goofy nerdburger, daydreaming all the time. And now I’ve got this opportunity to create stories with folks who are daydreamers too. I can explore real life problems in fantasy worlds where all the things are possible. Damn, do you know what that’s like for a queer brown weirdo? It’s something that humbles and excites me to my core. When there aren’t any barriers in your way like racism or poverty, when you can afford to live and be free, damn, that world world gets to be all yours. That world can be anything and writing that story is a gift.

Also, the actual process is helping me hone my writing skills in a major way. This type of on-the-job education is invaluable. With comic writing, I get to practice being concise, (although you might not be able to tell) and still impactful with my storytelling. I work with skilled editors who also have grand imaginations and use them to guide me in the best ways. It’s really a gift to be here.

As for my first novel, “Juliet Takes a Breath,” that’s my baby. It’s just this sweet little goofy novel that I got to share with the world. It actually made it out of my laptop and into the hands of people. And yeah, it’s about a young lesbian Latina from the Bronx trying to figure out feminism while navigating LGBTQ things and her relationship with her mom. Those are all important elements about Juliet, especially when it comes to the importance of diversity in literature.

It’s also the story of some kid trying to be 19, make out with cute people, and question authority. Those are some of the most quintessential elements in American storytelling. Juliet is one of those hometown kids looking to see the world and grow up. And she also tells a mean one-liner while rocking the latest Jordans, so give her a chance, y’all.

“America” #1, by Gabby Rivera and Joe Quinones, arrives in stores March 1.

The post INTERVIEW: Exploring The Many Dimensions of Marvel’s America appeared first on CBR.com.

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