#my roommates never put the goddamn lid down when they flush

[linneakou]

This is an "aw hell no" from me, dawg

"We always liked the idea that the preparation and the consequences happened in the same room."

[tracies-tales]

Hello! I was wondering if you'd take prompts for Danny Sexbang and Arin Neverbone? I'm really enjoying your story (Never)Boned and how you portray the Ninja Sex Party universe! If not, I understand; it can be for Egobang instead: 22, “Make your own goddamn toast”. I also wanted to express thanks for writing some great stories; you're really good in keeping in the spirit of the source material, no matter how silly, but still add heart and an engaging plot. Thank you, and have a nice day!

i absolutely will take prompts for the good boys!! thank you for the support and the suggestion, feel free to send more :D

~~~

Danny yawned loudly as he walked into the kitchen, stretching his arms over his head. He scratched his ass as he made a beeline for the coffee machine, managing to stub his toe on the leg of the dining table. 

“Balls!” Danny yelled, hopping on one leg as he held his injured foot. He heard a crash and looked over to see Ninja Brian, who had just punched a Brian-shaped hole through the door from the bathroom to see what had caused Danny such distress. He was wielding two knives, looking around with fire in his eyes for the perpetrator.

Dan said, “Oh, sorry to startle you, Bri. I just stubbed my toe on the stupid table.”

Brian shot the table a look and kicked it, breaking one of the legs and sending the whole thing crashing down. Dan stared at it and looked back up at his partner, who crossed his arms and nodded in satisfaction. Dan rubbed his hand over his face, sighing, “Great, guess we have to go shopping for a fifth table.” Brian set his fists on his hips. Dan said, “It’s at least five, now, man. You’ve gotta stop breaking our furniture for tripping me.”

Brian threw his hands up and stepped back through the hole in the bathroom door, flushing the toilet a moment later.

Danny rolled his eyes and went back to grabbing a mug of coffee. As he selected a coffee mug with the text “My other hand is working on the creamer,” he heard a yawn emanating from down the hall. He looked over his shoulder in time to catch Arin rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He was wearing an oversized t-shirt with a picture of a rooster beside a wooden block. Dan smiled, “Good morning, roomie.”

“How many times have I told you not to call me that?” Arin drawled.

“If we weren’t roommates, I wouldn’t have to call you that.”

“And agreeing to sign the lease with you was one of the worst decisions of my life.”

Danny pouted, “You’re just grumpy because it’s before ten o’clock in the morning.”

“I don’t sleep that late,” Arin retorted as he meant to grab one of his cat mugs and accidentally picked up one of Dan’s which read, “Blow me, I’m Hot.” He didn’t notice, pouring himself a cup of coffee and saying, “But maybe I’d be less grumpy if I hadn’t gotten woken up by-” he turned around, finally noticing the table. He blinked tiredly at it.

Dan chuckled nervously as Brian returned to the kitchen with shaving cream over the top of his mask. Dan shrugged, “Surprise, we need a new table!”

“Jesus,” Arin mumbled, taking a sip of coffee and stepping around the broken table to the cupboard. He opened it to grab a loaf of bread, yawning widely and grabbing two slices from the bag. He slipped them into the toaster and turned the dial to medium heat, hoisting himself onto the counter to sit while he waited.

Brian sat at one of the chairs still around the table, crossing his legs and using a knife to continue shaving. Dan was keeping a wary eye on the toaster, determined not to jump when it popped. Arin took a drink and paused mid-sip, staring at Dan’s head. Dan noticed him watching, asking, “What?”

“…Are you wearing hair curlers?” Arin asked.

Dan’s hands immediately went to his hair, feeling the pink curlers tangled up in his already curly locks. He shot Brian a look, whining, “Briaaan, we’ve been through this!” Brian looked taken aback and set a hand on his chest in disbelief. “Don’t play innocent, dude, you know these things take forever to come out. Kinda like me, heh,” Dan smirked, coughing when he noticed the look Arin was giving him.

Pop

“Agh!” Dan jumped and flailed his arms wildly as the toaster shot up Arin’s breakfast. Arin snorted and slipped off the counter, putting the two slices on a plate and getting a jar of peanut butter and the bottle of honey out of one of the cabinets.

Dan forgot about the hair curler issue as he watched Arin curiously, peering over the samurai’s shoulder as Arin smeared a thick layer of peanut butter over the two slices of toast before using a spoon to drizzle a zig-zag of honey over each. Dan said, “Huh, never tried that before.”

Arin startled a bit, as he hadn’t realized Dan had been standing so close. He said, “Yeah, it’s something my mom does,” slowly. He screwed the lid back onto the peanut butter and carried his plate to the chair across from Brian.

Dan followed him and sat in the chair next to him. Arin chose not to comment, ignoring him and taking a bite of toast. The peanut butter got stuck in his mustache, but he didn’t seem to notice or care. Dan leaned forward with his elbows resting on his knees and his chin in his hands, watching Arin take a few more bites before he asked, “Can…I try it?”

“Make your own goddamn toast,” Arin huffed around a mouthful of toast.

Dan frowned and clasped his hands together under his chin, doing his utmost to make his eyes look big and sparkly, “Pleeeease?”

“Dude, seriously?” Arin glared at him, holding the plate further away from him, lest he try to snatch the slice of toast off it. “Quit being a lazy ass and just make some fuckin’ toast.”

Dan locked eyes with Arin for a solid three seconds before he lashed his hand out, trying to nab the toast. Arin instinctively threw his arm aside, which sent the second slice of toast flying–right into Ninja Brian’s face.

The duo froze with Arin’s arm sticking out awkwardly and Dan holding one hand on Arin’s knee while the other stretched out towards the now-empty plate. The slice of toast had stuck to Brian’s mask due to the sticky combo of peanut butter and honey. It slowly slid down until it landed in Brian’s lap, leaving a trail of peanut butter down his face. 

They sat in shocked silence for another moment before Arin made a strangled snort, which only broke Dan’s carefully composed expression. The two broke out in uncontrolled laughter, Dan throwing his head back and clapping as Arin leaned forward to clutch his stomach. They laughed so hard they began to wheeze, struggling to breathe as Brian wiped a hand across his face to try to rid some of the mask of goo.

What the two couldn’t see was Brian’s smile, the ninja equally amused that the two had finally managed to get along over something, even at his expense.

[ezzydean]

tanadai for "33. things you said from across the room" please?

so this has been sitting half finished in my scriv for like…. 7 months?  oops?  also it kind of ran away and wound up being IwaTanaDai and the prompt got lost a little.

enjoy anyway?  :D

If Daichi had his phone at least he could pretend to be occupied by it.  He wouldn’t have anyone to call to rescue him since his roommate and his best friend were two of the three jerks who had locked them all in here and his second best friend is no match for his first best friend in terms of threat. But unfortunately Suga had snatched his phone mere seconds before shoving him into the bathroom with Tanaka right behind him - having had his phone confiscated by Ennoshita - and before Daichi could even consider a reaction the door leading to Oikawa’s room had opened and then Iwaizumi had been shoved into the bathroom from that side.

Daichi had rattled his door and heard Iwaizumi on the other side doing the same.

“Don’t bother, Dai,” Suga had called out.  “Oikawa and I ordered a couple of those door jammer braces. You aren’t getting out until we let you out.”

Tanaka, who had been silently watching the other two struggle with the doors called out.

“Ennoshita.  If something bad happens to me in here be warned: Noya will avenge me.  It’s in our best friend pact.”

“Believe me, Tanaka,” Ennoshita calmly replied, “Nishinoya coming after me in the dark of night with gnawed down popsicle sticks doesn’t exactly send a shiver of fear through me.”

“Now you three be good and have yourselves a little chat.”  Oikawa knocked on his door.  “And we’ll let you out later.”

Iwaizumi looked around the small bathroom before dropping into the tub with a growled “Don’t even think about turning the water on” and was now sitting in the small bathtub, fully clothed, with his knees hooked over the edge and his sneakered feet tapping the side of the tub.  Tanaka had hopped onto the counter top and was pawing his way through every drawer and basket and cup he could reach.  Daichi was sitting on the toilet - lid down thank you very much he had only made that drunken mistake once and would never again if he could help it - and wondering where exactly in his life he went wrong to be here: locked in his own bathroom in his university dorm suite with the two guys he had the most ridiculously huge crushes on.  

Logically he knew exactly where he went wrong.  He went wrong when he realized that he had a crush on not one person, but two.  Two kind, funny, attractive, athletic, sassy, amazing people that he was pretty sure he probably never even had a chance with since he knew that they both had a crush of sorts on each other.  (He went doubly wrong a few minutes later when Suga caught him during their Skype call staring at the way Iwaizumi was talking to Oikawa about running into Tanaka at the youth volleyball camp that he had picked Oikawa’s nephew up from earlier that week and Suga had given Daichi a knowing look because of course Suga knew about how Daichi felt about Tanaka already and then there was Iwaizumi being all adorable and disheveled from playing with Oikawa’s nephew all afternoon and Daichi knew somewhere in his mind he was done for.)

The worst part was that it wasn’t even like he could blame Iwaizumi for anything.  It wasn’t like Iwaizumi had swooped in on Tanaka and plucked him out of Daichi’s hands.  Daichi hadn’t even realized his feelings for Tanaka had bubbled up into a crush until the moment he heard Iwaizumi talking about Tanaka and a blade of jealousy had knifed through him.  Then approximately five minutes later Suga had let out a bark of laughter and Daichi wanted to curl up in a ball and never face the world again.

That led to months of pining and wistful yet sultry looks shared between the three of them - Suga’s words not Daichi’s - which somehow led to Suga calling him that morning and saying he and Tanaka and Ennoshita were coming over because they needed to talk to him and now he’s locked in his own bathroom.  While he tries not to cringe at Tanaka digging through everything he can reach because this is Daichi’s bathroom too and some of that stuff is his and other than Asahi and Suga and now Oikawa no one else knew how much effort Daichi actually puts into his personal hygiene.

“What even is this?”  Tanaka’s voice pulled Daichi from his musings of running away to a new country to avoid his so called best friend for the rest of his life.  Daichi’s face flushed and then went pale when he saw the tube in Tanaka’s hand.  He really wished that the most embarrassing thing Tanaka could find in here would be a bottle of lube.  Sadly Tanaka was nowhere near that drawer at the moment.  “What exactly is ‘Beautiful Skin Melting Gel’ and why does Oikawa have it?”

Iwaizumi coughed against the back of his hand and raised his eyebrows knowingly.  Daichi glared at him.  Tanaka laughed and kept muttering about Oikawa’s bizarre beauty products - “‘purifying charcoal cleansing gel’ what the fuck?” - and comparing them to stuff his sister had in her bathroom while Daichi simultaneously threatened Iwaizumi silently to just keep his mouth shut and tried not to die.  At least he wouldn’t have to worry about liking both Tanaka and Iwaizumi both because he’ll either be on the run from the cops or in jail for the murders of Oikawa Tooru and Sugawara Koushi.  He’ll just maim Ennoshita a little.  He was probably just a minor co-conspirator after all.  The spike of panic and fear shooting down his spine as Tanaka pulls open the next drawer is all Oikawa and Suga’s fault.

Daichi looked away from Iwaizumi’s smirk to see Tanaka pull out a small basket and rattle it around.

“Why the hell does a bathroom shared by two guys have so many chapsticks and lip balms and is that one shaped like an egg?”

“Kissable lips are a must, obviously,” Iwaizumi said.  His face turned pink when the other two looked at him.  “Oikawa says weird shit sometimes okay?  I can’t help it if some of it sticks.”  Daichi snorted softly at the uncomfortable way Iwaizumi shifted at the attention and then froze when Iwaizumi grinned.  “Though I can’t remember ever seeing him use or talk about that brand.  Pretty sure he hates it, to be honest.  The flavors aren’t right or something.”

Nope.  Daichi was never going to be on the run.  He was going to be in jail for two murders.  Oikawa fucking Tooru and his goddamn best friend Iwaizumi fucking Hajime.  He did he best to convey this to Iwaizumi with glares and subtle facial movements and hand gestures.  Iwaizumi didn’t seem to be very concerned by this.

Daichi looked back in time to watch Tanaka slowly drag his gaze up from the lip balm in his hand to Daichi, eyes lingering for just a moment on Daichi’s lips.

“Tanaka I swear if you-”  Tanaka held the tube out and grinned at him.  “No.”

“Daichi?”

“No,” Daichi bit out.

“Please?”

And at that moment Daichi knew, knew without a shadow of a doubt, that he was irrevocably wrapped around Tanaka’s finger and would be the rest of his life.  Tanaka was giving him that stupid adorable face with the expectant eyes and tiny pout and asking him politely and, really, how was he supposed to say no to that again?

Daichi stood and plucked the tube from Tanaka’s hand.  He had to stand practically between Tanaka’s legs and lean to the side so he could use the mirror to apply the lip balm and when he used the pad of his thumb to swipe just under his lip to clear the little bit of excess there he was surprised to see the slight tremor of excitement run through his hand.  The balm is one he didn’t use often.  It’s too glittery and pink and shiny to wear anywhere but out to a club and he and Oikawa, to some people’s surprise, don’t actually go out that often.

The urge to lick his lips is strong, especially when he pulled back from the mirror and met Tanaka’s gaze.

“Holy fuck,” Tanaka whispered, breath ghosting across Daichi’s cheek.  “I think I need to kiss you.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” Daichi replied.  He barely got the words out before Tanaka’s hands were cupping his cheeks and drawing him in the last few inches.

It wasn’t necessarily better than his dreams - he never imagined his first kiss with Tanaka would be while they were locked in his bathroom after all - but holy fuck it was real and that was the important thing.  It was real and Tanaka’s fingers were trembling against his skin and Tanaka’s shirt was rough under Daichi’s fingers and Iwaizumi made an interested noise from the bathtub and Daichi had to pull away because he had forgotten about Iwaizumi for a moment.  He was torn as he pulled away.  He wanted to keep kissing Tanaka, keep losing himself in that warmth.  But he also wanted Iwaizumi in on it too.

He leaned to the side and glanced over his shoulder to meet Iwaizumi’s eyes as he scrambled out of the tub.

“You two can’t just do that and look that good together and look at me like that,” Iwaizumi warned.

“Oh yeah?”  Daichi couldn’t help but ask and he turned around and felt Tanaka’s arms wrap around his waist.

“What’re you gonna do about it?”  Tanaka challenged and hooked his chin over Daichi’s shoulder.

Iwaizumi’s kiss, Daichi soon found out, was just as wonderful and just as real as Tanaka’s had been and the only regret he had was that it took so long to find out.  And the fact he forgot how loudly Oikawa could screech when he was victorious about something but that was mostly because he almost bit Tanaka’s tongue and Iwaizumi did bite his neck hard enough to break the skin at the panicked seagull level of screech Oikawa let out.  Other than that he had to admit, at least to himself, that getting locked in his own bathroom turned out much better than he ever expected it to.