#my roommate is a diabetic tho

[applepie46]

ex geto still being your roommate getting jealous when reader flirts with other guys infront of him, that caused a big fight between the two of them (and maybe make up sex) <3

no bc I started writing 4 this and it did't save so this is my redo bbg <3. 1/2

WARNINGS IN BOLD OCCER IN PT 2

warnings: NSFW, toxic geto, low key !stalker geto, !obsessive geto, doggy style, missionary, multiple rounds, literally smut so if u still can't tell if you don't want to see NSFW SCROLL also MDNI I will block you if your I minor and you like or repost.

You and Suguru have been friends since eighth grade, as the years wen't by and the two of you grew closer you began to fall for him. I mean who would't he was so sweet you felt like you would become diabetic. He was carrying and compassionate towards you, always making sure you were ok, and had a healthy meal every day. Shit on school days he would pack you a lunch unless you told him you were gonna go out to for lunch. He was just so... perfect. Since you two were already friends having him as your roommate was just a bonus, he already had an apartment near campus all you had to do was pay half of the rent... but even tho everything was great.

You felt horrible that you fell so hard for him, that you ruined a perfect friendship that you could never replicate because of your stupid emotions. It hurt evreytime you would feel butterflies wen he called you an endearing nickname. Or wen he would hold you close wen you watch movies on Saturday. It wasn't like this before it used to be innocently spending time withe each other. you just... could't help it.

Maybe you feel better if you knew he was the same just without the guilt . Maybe if you knew how he would steal a pair of your used panties wen he did the laundry . Or how he patiently waited for you to go to that little cafe in the morning, before he would pull them out and put them on his face. How he'd get off to the idea of you catching him jerk off with them wrapped around his cock, or watching him cum in the center pretending it was your pussy. But those were nothing but daydreams he would never never let you find out about his little "Daydreams" not even after you started dating.

BOYFRIEND ERA!!!

Wen you two began dating everything felt perfect.You no longer had to hide your feelings you could just love all over him, and he did the same to you. He cooked, and cleaned for you. Never made you fell alone of not loved.He just made you so happy who would ever want to leave. So what he got a little possessive after a bit that's normal. Who cares if he gets overprotective time to time over a couple months that's completely normal in a relationship. Or if he gets mad wen you talk and smile at the waiter "too much". Or slowly try to pull you away from your friends and family saying "I just want to spend more quality time with you can't you cancel some plans" wen you question him, but it's ok that's normal wen you get serious in a relationship...right?

POOKIE I PROMISE I'LL HAVE PT 2 OUT SOON LOVE YA!<3

[therhythmafterthesummer]

:( I miss being chris’s wife 😾

how will i ever find a man now hes making me delusional so hard 😡 I AM REALISTIC

😡 i want all versions of him irl version, werewolf version, KING VERSION, roommate version, masked, blonde. Yk i never rly think of growing old with someone but i feel like id be happy growing old with him 🤷🏻‍♀️

all wrinkly together, if he gets diabetes i would measure it every day even if im old and my bones rattle. Also i am very pretty to look at and ill be a pretty old woman so it’d be nice for his eyes

- 🐧

you miss being his wife even if it involves the FIVE CHILDREN??? cuz like, i'm still slightly traumatised sjkdfhsjkdhfsdjkf

where's our cloning machine so we can all have a Chris of Our Own tho?

[soundwavefucker69]

a casual observance of the apocalypse

There’s an old man in line. He’s got laugh lines around his eyes and a disposable medical mask on his face. He’s clutching a bottle of laundry detergent like it’s the last shred of dignity he’s got, and you can hear keys and coins jingle in his pockets with every step. His shoulders are a little bowed, but not enough for the girl in the floral mask to notice.

She’s got gray joggers with old stains on the knees and a pink Army jacket that’s seen better days. There’s a crop top under her jacket, bright and floral, with bunnies peeking out of leaves, and her hair is shorn close to her head in a way that can’t be anything but a woman who isn’t one to let men run their fingers through it to soothe her. In fact, from the pin on her lapel, she’s not the type to let men do much of anything, and if she didn’t look so lost under that floral face mask, I’d think her adorable. It would be difficult not to; she’s juggling about six different items and trying to peel four twenty ounce bottles of soda out of the little fridge at the front of my aisle.

“Looks like you just got here in time,” the old man says, friendly and bright, like he’s talking to a girl that reminds him of a granddaughter he hasn’t seen in quite some time. “I haven’t moved in five minutes.”

“What?” The girl says, distracted but not rude as she struggles with the door and the plethora of things she really should have gotten a basket for.

“The line. You got here when it’s about to move,” he says, patient, understanding, because she looks stressed and he’s a little lonely.

“Oh!” She says, and lets out a tremulous laugh as she gives up and waits until she can get to a spot where she can set down her things. “Yeah, I think so. I’m sorry you’ve been waiting.”

Silence passes for a few minutes as I try to ring up the mountains of Christmas gear. People always wait until the last possible minute to get their wrapping paper and presents and bags and bows. It’s a chronic affliction of the human psyche: procrastination. The woman in front of me I’m only half paying attention to either has a lot of adults she’s living with, or I should be thankful for the piece of cloth over my face, because it’s beginning to look like quarantine for her is only a polite suggestion. I don’t say as much, of course.

“Maybe this wasn’t the right line,” the girl, young woman, perhaps, finally says, and the man turns to look at her again, a laugh falling off his lips that makes me wonder if he just has the humor of an easily appeased puppy, or he’s just that lonely and in need of a pretty girl in a floral mask to pay attention to him.

“Yeah, it probably wasn’t,” he agrees, and the girl pauses, uncomfortable, eyes a little unfocused.

“My roommate is a diabetic,” she says, unprompted, and my eyes are drawn to the top ramen and animal cookies and more-sugar-than-flavor generic candy orange slices taking up residence in her overburdened arms. “She starts her new job tomorrow, but...”

The unsaid goes there: we have no money.

“Ah. Bottoming out backups?” The man asks, and she nods, helplessly. Something in his shoulders eases, like he’s coming home, and he nods. “My wife.”

“I don’t start my new job until next month,” she blurts, and then laughs, a little high, a little shrill, and I catch myself wondering just how close she is to crying. There’s a tremor in her legs, and her hands are tightening on plastic wrap so it crinkles in her grasp, a repetitive noise like she’s trying to soothe herself. “She doesn’t get paid for two weeks. We don’t have much food left and this is the last of my EBT and the food ban---”

The filthy, taboo words are cut short, and I preoccupy myself with wrapping paper and bells for a tree that should already be decorated. I know what she means; the food bank has had less and less and less food lately. At least, the one you can walk to from here.

“Covid got you, too?” He asks, gently, and there’s real pain in his voice, like covid got someone else that looked an awful lot like her.

“Yeah,” she says, breathless and terrified, and the man nods in sympathy.

“Me, too,” he says, like he should be working at his age at all, and the girl clutches her groceries closer to her chest, impossibly young. I wonder if this is her first financial crisis as an adult. It has to be. With the mask, I don’t know if she’s late teens or early twenties, but she’s around there somewhere.

“I was working at a pharmacy tech, and so was she, but she’s got diabetes and I’ve got Crohn’s and together we’re a mess of---” She cuts herself off again, a mess of emotion she’s trying to hide under polite conversation, like she hadn’t admitted to being immunocompromised in a pandemic. Maybe admitting it will make it real. I don’t know.

“Yeah? What are you doing now?” He prompts, and she actually, really laughs at that, like the world is insane and she’s just seeing it.

“Contact tracing for covid,” she spits out, like covid is a primordial god and she’s got a sword and a death wish. “Kinda funny that I lost my job because of covid and now my next job can only happen because of it. At least it’s not like the insurance job. All I gotta do is tell them they need to take a test. I don’t have to tell them we’re not covering their chemo anymore.”

I wonder how desperate you have to be to work the kinds of jobs she does with a disease like that. Or maybe she’s just a spiteful little beast. It’s hard to see the spite right now. It’s all desperation wrapped up in a pink jacket and grease stained joggers that look like they’ve been tossed on the floor of a mechanic’s shop.

“Yeah? I bet it’s real easy to get hired for that sort of thing,” the man says, maybe a little wistfully, and she shakes her head no.

“No, I was scouted. You can’t even find the listing. You need a fingerprint clearance card just to be considered, and they’re, like, a hundred dollars. I don’t even know how they found my info.” She sounds calm about that, but then again, it’s 2020. Things like resumes and phone numbers aren’t private, haven’t been since... Well, who knows who bought what politician first? Floral mask girl doesn’t care, and neither do I.

The woman takes her receipt, and the skin around floral mask girl’s eyes bunch up, like she’s trying to smile. The man sets his laundry detergent in front of me, carefully counts his change, and gives her his own skin scrunched around his eyes as I ring him up and give him his receipt.

“Well, good luck with the contact tracing,” he says, kind, immeasurably kind, and it’s a miracle he is as calm as he is, because all I can think is it’s an unnerving sort of thing to talk to someone you’ll never meet again who just needs one unlucky day to die.

“Good luck with your laundry,” she says as she juggles out her sodas and sets them on the till.

The old man leaves, his shoulders tightening with every step he walks away from human contact, and the girl looks at me with eyes threatening to water.

“Do you take EBT?” She asks, and I give her a warm smile, the warmest I can, and nod.

“Yeah. We take EBT.”

[chenyann]

A late night snack

Riddle rosehearts,Leona kingscholar, Azul ashengrotto,kalim al-asim, vil schoenheit,idia shroud and malleus draconia

Have you heard the rumor of beelzebubs kitchen? If you haven't let me tell you,it's said that in Nrc there is a ghost that roams the kitchen clearing out the fridge.The only way to keep the ghost away from the fridge is to keep lamb in it,but if you keep a slice of cake out the ghost will grant you fortune, strength and love.So hope you hear the fridge door open. cw:gn!reader,Midnight crack & fluff, sfw, unedited.

A/n:Take this draft that was made in the middle of the night and was rushed as freak okay.I also never really ate microwave ramen, I tried it once but it tasted weird so I just didn't like it? ALSO DOUBLE POST!?!?!??!?

riddle

Doesn't like it

He don't like waking up before 6 am

So you you woke him up at 4:38am he was mad.

Your just here like:(„• ֊ •„)੭ hey bro

he wobbles to the kitchen with you

AND WHEN I SAY HE GASPED SO LOUD😭😭😭 he felt 20 years go off his life(2 of those years were from is mom) when you pulled out 'microwavable ramen lunch shrimp flavor' (idk what flavors there are I don't eat them)

"Y/n?"

Hm?

"I'm not eating that"

It's the devils food y/nnie 👿

His mom told him list's of food that he shouldn't eat when they use to go shopping like????(·•᷄‎ࡇ•᷅ ) ew who eats that

after 3 minutes of you trying to persuade him he agrees

When you pull the diabetes ramen cup out of the microwave he feels like running

And he wished he did

But your smile was so alluring he couldn't help himself!

He feels like those don't do drugs ads💀

Time is going slow, it's only him and the soup as he watches you ate yours there is sweat on his brow and OH MY GOD AM I GONNA DIE!?

He won't dw(˶ᵔᴗᵔ˶)

I he just stares at it like???? Bro it's gonna get cold.

Then he eats it

......

.........

..............

"It's not as bad as I thought it would be"

[Insert smug mc here]

you rn:(￣︶￣) (naw that reminds me of anya)

He would want to wipe that smug look off your face

But nonetheless he did like it

Would he eat it again?

No.

Riddle gives it a 3/10

Leona

I have a itch he ate these before

(it was ruggie who gave it to him)

Hates it,hates you and hates life/j

We all know very well that Leona don't like getting woken up.

so when you woke him up at 2:21 am he didn't move

He had enough and woken up at 3:59am

Then when he heard you woke him up in the middle of the night for a stupid snack

He told you to just get it and eat it in the room

Oh look at that Leona is out of bed☺

Fr you carrying all the weight on your shoulders and it's not because Leona is leaning on you as you walk(￣∀￣)

you act like you are gonna pull out gourmet food

Then you pull out one of these:

he is so done with you

He would be like my roommate and pick out all the veggies before adding the water💀

He would also pour out the broth

As he saw you pull the ramen out he would just stare at you

He would eat it again

-because ruggie would feed it to him-

Leona score?

7/10

Azul

Little octopus ate these alot as a kid

But stopped when he went on a diet:(

I also think he dislikes waking up at night(๑•́ < •̀๑)

So when you woke him up just to eat he was upset

But who is he to say no to you(￣∀￣)

-pretty privileged-/j

-Him crushing on you privileged-/srs

He wobbles down to the kitchen with you and a blanket 💀

And you pull out a ramen cup

"OH! YUMM- I mean y/n that's fatty foods you know"

Bitch like you give a fuck🙄

Glare at him he will be quite

He will act like its yucky dirt (dirt be good tho)

But he really likes it

Although waking him up comes with a price 😈😈

He want to cuddle you and you have to bring him coffee in the morning 🧍

His rating?

10/10

I ment 0/10 *is being held at gun point*

But atleast cuddles will be given.

Kalim

He never ate these before(・・ ) ?

When you woke kalim up asking for food he was very close to waking Jamil

But you said you would make it!

EVEN BETTER

Kalim knows you won't poison him

So he trusts you (I would have just to show him to not trust others so easily)

So he drags you to the kitchen

Almost waking everyone in the process ♡

anyways when you pull out a ramen cup he was like oooooOooooo

He wants to know what that is

When you explain he is OUTSTANDED!

You just put it in the microwave and it turns to ramen?!?!?!!?!??!

Don't tell him you like it because he will buy all of the ramen known to man kind

Kalim also tells Jamil about it

Jamil hates it

Score!

10/10!

Vil

Rip

Vil is not getting out of that bed

He has to stay prime😇

So you make it and bring it into the room

Ps you smuggled it in the dorm💀

when he saw what you brought in the room

He wanted to kick you out

But he didn't 😗😗😗

He sat up and looked at you like how your mom would if she found out you got a 0 on that math test

And you offered him the other cup

Him rn:

"What is that!?"

Soup?

"THATS NOT SOUP Y/N"

He only took one bite😭😭

Waster

wasting food in this house is unallowed

Vil score

1/10

It needs improvement

Idia

Lives off them

So when you offered him one while he was playing 'together moons idols' he said yes ofc

And made you get a shopping list

He was bummed when you said you aren't going out😔😔😔

but when his show was going he zoomed back on it

You come in and he is still playing🧍

"I got the ramen"

......

"IDIA I HAVE THE RAMEN"

!?....Just sit it down (*´•__•`*)

fr jumpscared him💀

He eats it just fine

NAW WAIT YOU THINK HE PUTS THOSE GUMMY WORMS IN IT🤢🤢🤢

I know for a fact he gonna do something weird with it.

Broth drinker

Rating?

Ssr/10

So If a 10

Malleus

Huh?

He wakes up from his fake nap

And you taking about food

Ofc he says yes UwU☆ (omg I just cringed)

Malleus follows you to the kitchen

And he sees you pull out the ramen

He's like Hold up wait a minute 🤨

*Pulls out his flip phone 200*

Stop he has a flip phone I know it

WAOT!!!🥱😭😭😭😭😭

Malleus pulling up Firefox on his phone to look up ramen:

Ndaban I'll stop ✋

He looks it up and asks you about it

You're like 'mhm yea'

HE IS ESTATIC TO TRY IT!!!!!

when he does he is so happy

Loves it

He thinks its yummy (likely because its not Lilias cooking)

wants everyone else to try it

He would want another when he is done

Score

9/10

It burned his hand:(

[l3irdl3rain]

hi. i want to ask some advice on theoretically, how illegal would it be to rehome a cat that is not taken care of without the owner’s consent? my room mate does not care for her animal. i can’t take the kitty myself as i have another cat already and can’t financially bear that burden (i already kind of do tho, bc i buy food for poor babycat). my partner and i take care of her as best as we can. i’ve called pet protective services, but apparently things are weird because of the fact that i pick up taking care of her and i live there as well. but basically i love this cat and she deserves so much better! so idk what to do!

I’m going to answer this assuming you’re from the United States like I am, that being said what I have to say is not going to be super helpful. This is not something I’ve ever been through.

The most basic answer I can give you is that yes you could get in trouble for this. I doubt they’d be able to give you jail time but I would assume you could get fined and you could definitely get sued. Animals are essentially property in the United States, so this would be like you stealing from your roommate.

Unfortunately animals rights have a long, long ways to go in the United States. All an animal needs is shelter, food, and water. We’ve seen animals at the clinic that are being neglected medically and even had police get involved but nothing can be done because the animals most basic needs are being met. The worst case was a diabetic dog that the owner refused to give insulin to or euthanize. The dog (Bindi) was mostly bald and nothing but skin and bones. She was constantly covered in vomit and diarrhea. There were two separate wellness checks done on the dog but they couldn’t take Bindi from her owner.

I wish you luck, but unfortunately I don’t have any real advice. It’s an unfortunate situation to be in, for both you and the cat

[floralseokjin]

⤑ made-up love song ii replies

@m-yien replied and said: AHHHH THIS CHAPTER IS SO WHOLESOME

Thank you so much for reading!!

@jeontaes-world reblogged and said: This is so cuteeee!!!!! I'm going to be like Spiking, I'm just can't. Who can handle Kim Drinking handsome, he's funny plus handsome. My heart can't handle this 😍😍

I’m so happy you enjoyed!! Thanks for reading 🤧💞

@japzalileo reblogged and said: THEY ARE SO CUTE IM ACTUALLY GONNA COMBUST AIFNAJFBDBFJS

They are my babies 🥺

@bi-jin replied and said: on god, this is awaking something in me

honestly SAME! This is way too easy to write hahaha

@lenaboyce replied and said: Have i ever wanted children? Not specifically. Do I now want a lonely divorced dad with an adorable child? You bet 😊

A mood. Where do we sign up for one lonely divorced dad with an adorable child? Thank you for reading! 

@nervouskiwi replied and said: I swear I am channeling Soojung. I want to be the mc's roommate/ best friend 🤣 Get that CEO dilf dick sistah!

Soojung makes me laugh so much! She’s amazing 🤣Also btw I also saw your replies to my devil jin series and I just want to say THANK YOU!! 

@hannahbee12719ficrecs​ reblogged and said: Jordan!!! My heart was fluttering through this entire chapter!!! The chemistry is off the charts. DILF Seokjin plagues my brain 👀 Soojung is hilarious! I’m so excited to see where this story goes!!!

Every Seokjin I write becomes my favourite I CANNOT DEAL! Dilf Seokjin is honestly 🥵Thank you so much for reading and enjoying ~

@randombtsprincessa​ reblogged and said: OH MY GOD THIS WAS SO SWEET.I legit have diabetes. Also I’m literally dying of second hand embarrassment from Soojung. Like OH MY GOD HE SAW HER I CAN’T IM DEAD.THEY DIDN’T KISS. GOOD GOD WHY (I mean I know why) BUT WHY😭😭😭😭😭Next Saturday is going to have me baked into that lasagna 💀💀💀

BAKED INTO THAT LASAGNA JDHJDH The way I laughed! Oc has to actually make it first tho 😬hahaha! Thanks so much for reading and giving me a good chuckle 😘

@alchile-recs​ reblogged and said: AHHHHH I cannot express how much I'm loving this!! I love the dynamic jin and the oc have going on and how much fluff and heartwarming moments there are, I cannot wait for the next chapter!!!!

Thank you so much! I’m really looking forward to chapter 3! It’s maybe my fave chapter for reasons that will become obvious once posted 👀thank you for your lovely words!! 

[kaisooficrec]

Are there any fluffy/sightly angsty highschool!au you recommend? ^^

HEY THERE! Did you know highschool!au is one of my favorite aus? Ever? Well today is your lucky day sweetie cause i’ve got plenty to recommend!! You can also check out the previously recced highschool!au fics here ♡ enjoy!! 

Heaven - bad boy soo and innocent nini, they have a special relationship but nini doesn’t think kyungsoo cares about him (but we all know the real tea) + the sequel The Kissing Booth - they talked things through although soo seems to be very protective of his baby c:

The Pros and Cons of Being Confessed To - on-going-ish, kyungsoo hates being confessed to but surprisingly this time he gets something good out of it! i really enjoyed reading this one and I can’t wait for the sequel!!

Written in Our Scars - soulmate!au yaaaas! this is so sweet although the angst almost made me scream in frustration >> definitely a must read! soo is a tough cookie huhu

The Storybook Prince - this is so unique??? and amazing??? i only discovered it recently but i can’t get over this fic!! there’s some sort of enigma going on in the school, lead by kyungsoo, whose target is jongin of course. i think it’s the most interesting hs!au i’ve ever read, it’s so well thought and written. leave lots of kudos and comments!! this deserves more recognition!

Querencia - jongin is absent today which makes kyungsoo wonder whether he’s sick, so he visits jongin (find out what lame bet jongin made with sehun lol) very subtle romance, kaisoo don’t feel complete without each other /cute asf/

Candy Coated - halloween au!!!! the softest??? fic??? “that’s cool” // this fic is basically a competition of who will ‘get it’ first between sehun and jongin lol. so much fluff and humor

Confirmation - very fluffy and innocent kaisoo uwu jongin will fight for kyungsoo’s love! 

Prove You Wrong! - woooo soo is a wrestling player at his school and he has this reputation of being a really bad boy that everyone’s scared of, until jongin comes to the school and changes his whole life

What that mouth do, tho? - lots of pinning from jongin, there is no angst whatsoever in this although the smut makes up for it :D the smut is fluffy tho. kind of? i guess you’ll have to read to see :)

How to Get Your Crush to like You in One Night - LMAO can we just appreciate the bravery of this author

To The Same Heights - anime inspired (clannad!au). this is angst and mpreg. (preg!soo) it’s so beautifully written though sobs

under my umbrella - they share an umbrella once and you already know it’s true love uwu jealous kyungsoo is the hottest kyungsoo

Insolently, You Know - v short but vvv cute!! kind of like ‘love at first sight’ but less awkward lol

Logic does not apply - that was so sweet ;;;; jongin learns what it’s like to fall in love… 

No Doubt - CHEESY SMUT EVERYWHERE!!! established&cute kaisoo, if you like cheese this is for you sis

Tryst - typical nerd/popular dynamics, there are only 3 chapters out but the plot looks good :) 

There Are Signs, Mr. Kim - really cute and totally fluffy fic!! jongin has a huuuuge puppy crush on soo and goes after him :D

Run Away - this is sooooo good!!!!! lots of drama and mystery shit going down, it’s a long fic and still on-going but t o t a l l y worth it!! basically soo gets transfered to a new high school, where he meets the oh so scary kim jongin!

I almost died 21 times - this one’s plot is a bit similar to the above, kyungsoo starts in a new boarding school and everyone tells him to stay away from jongin, but some stuff happens and he isn’t really given a choice :)

- Admin Macaroon 💜

Admin J (I found some to rec as well!):

I guess we are meant to meet in the most awkward situations - jongin, just like everyone in their school, is scared of kyungsoo and avoids him at all costs after one incident, but somehow fate decides that they keep bumping into each other :D (seemingly cold soo and whipped nini!) 

sweet, sweet fantasy - jongin is kind of a jerk in this, he breaks up with his gf and his friend comforts him (w: underage drinking)

loser - a drabble about them meeting each other and soo offering jongin to stand up for himself

I Love You, Just Like This - they have always been best friends but now in hs, jongin is handsome and popular while soo is pale and chubby (tw for bullying; not by jongin!)

Pebble Hearts - nerd kyungsoo likes jongin almost as much as penguins

Let Me Penetrate (Your Heart) - jongin is thirsty bc of his new roommate who flaunts his thighs and ass all the time jfgj

All I Have To Do Is Find You (Among All The Noise In The World) - soulmate au, kyungsoo just finds out that his soulmate is school’s bear mascot shy and awkward jongin and is rly in denial (cold kyungsoo). i want to hug nini and beat soo's butt for being so mean to nini at first 😤

A Song To Say ‘I Love You’ - popular jock jongin and nerd soo who doesn’t think he’ll ever have a chance with someone like jongin!

Synchronisation 100% - they meet at the school’s library and strike up a conversation about music ~ they realise they have quite similar music taste and spend time together more often from there onwards (until one day a confession song comes from one of them ;)

Veni, Vidi, Vici - jongin has a crush on ksoo with his adorable sweater vest and wants him to tutor in home econ C:

Perfectly Cheesy - jongin falls for kyungsoo but kyungsoo falls…next to him. fluffy, cute and soft!!!

The Dharma that leads to Punya - hs au cocky jongin who hates everything and everyone..but is actually soft :o

Friends? - soo stalks his school crush jongin but panics when he sends jongin friend request on accident!

Googly Eyes and Shy Smiles - soo’s crush is school’s editor in-chief but he has trouble confessing so he wants to wait for the White day to confess ^^ oblivious kyungsoo!!

Instauro - artist!au, (tw for bullying) kyungsoo is bullied and humiliated in his school and he goes to hide in a vacant bathroom stall. he doesn’t expect to hear a voice in the next cubicle and see cute chibi drawings and they begin their unusual friendship

Lillac Pills - soo is sick (diabetes) and jongin just wants to buy him flowers that have different meanings. fluffy uwu

[stemcellee]

September 25 2018

Omg this is gonna be a long post to get my life update out so thank you for your time if you actually read this lol

Btw that’s my roommate’s cat on my bed 

So i moved in on sunday!! I also drove myself to my apartment (it was my first time doing that and second time driving freeway in my entire life omg but it was not bad at all!!) and then after i unpacked everything I went to trader joes and ralphs with my roommate but met studybuddy and his roommates there but they wanted me to drive them out to get lunch so we CRAMMED 5 PEOPLE into a MINI COOPEr it was ridiculous but it worked lol

we ate Tsujita dipping-style ramen AND I PARALLEL PARKED FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER TOO (wow sunday was a milestone for my driving skills lol)

Later that day my other friends came to see my apartment (apparently mine is super huge!) and then we went to 26th Ave Tacos at midnight!!! I didnt drive tho i had studybuddy do it lol i was scared

but anyways on monday my friends and i had dinner all together (they bought costco rotisserie chicken and i made curry and spinach!) and we watched monday night football. i didnt kno what was going on but i liked their company. I also went to whole foods to buy gelato and diddy riese to buy brownies with my boyfriend’s roommate and we almost got diabetes from it all lol

so then today! studybuddy and i cooked breakfast (we had eggs, like 9 pieces of toast, yogurt, and vietnamese meatloaf thingie (cha lua if you are vietnamese). After breakfast we spontaneously went to Westfield Century City mall (that mall is bougie everyone was dressed business professional and the area was RICH) but studybuddy finally treated himself to a pair of old skool vans like he’s always wanted and i bought some undies from Aerie!!! the mall was beautiful and the air was perfect

anyways i also need to rant about something

my parking in my apartment is Tandem which means you have to share a long parking spot with someone else. I’ve been parking my car in other spots to avoid locking my tandem mate in (i dont know them yet) and also my tandem mate has been parking in a way that makes it impossible to park in my actual assigned spot. Yesterday their car wasnt there so i parked in our tandem line, BUT THIS MORNING i found that they had parked themselves right up against my bumper (literally the whole car was in the aisle where people drive) and they left a note on my windshield saying that I was parking in their spot and they didn’t wanna get a ticket for parking in someone else’s spot, and they left their number

sO i texted them while my boyfriend had to carefully inch my car out of the tight spot they had put me in, and i said sorry for parking there but i told them that ive been parking in random other spots to avoid getting locked in until i knew who they were and that that was literally the first time ive ever parked in my actual assigned tandem section 

they havent replied and their car is parked in that aisle still (but i couldnt get in at all so i parked somewhere else again)

ugh

[seriouslytryingtoeatclean]

In all seriousness I am obviously joking.

If you’re truly thinking about being healthier going into this new year, fuck. yes. Join the cool kids’ club.

If you’re dealing with some kind of addiction or vice standing between you and good health, please scroll down to the post right below this one and buckle up for not-the-most-compassionate-but-still-very-heartfelt real talk.

If you’re just looking to maybe adopt some healthier eating habits and lose a few lbs...

You.

Got.

This.

Maybe you’re extremely overweight or inactive and it’s starting to affect your daily life? No sweat. It’s honestly never too late to make a few changes and turn things around.

I honestly suggest you consider it too, because the alternative is not, like, the best ever.

In all truthfulness I try not to care too much what other people do, because when people barge their way into my life and try to dictate to me what I should or should not be doing I get pretty furious.

However, if you’re in my life I truly care about you and I passively hope you ocassionally read one of my rambling blogs in the off-chance something I’ve written makes actual lucid sense and possibly lends a helping hand in some strange way.

So, back to thinking about getting healthy going into this new year.

Why tho?

Life is meant to be lived!

Why not have a party ‘till you die?!?!

You can totally do that if you want.

Actually, the trick is to learn how to party your fucking face off in moderation which has kind of a long adjustment period depending on what you’re going through and what your party resume looks like but with age and maturity it can be done and it’s the fucking BEST.

I was a fucking alcoholic pill-popping monster in college and my 20’s and now I just enjoy boozing ocassionally with friends when I’m not too stressed out about something else.

It’s literally the best.

And of course I understand that traditionally with addiction it’s an all or nothing thing and if you’ve gotten clean and are looking at this as a free pass to start testing the waters back in *whatever* again... well, for the record that’s in no way what I am saying. If you can’t exercise moderation, that sucks. Too bad for you. Go ahead and send me hate messages about how wrong I am and how dare I comment on the addiction process and blah, blah, blah, I am happy to ignore those.

Also, if you are a self-proclaimed rock star of whom the normal rules of science do not apply and you are out to see what your body can handle probably stop reading right now because the rest of this is for people who aren’t trying to recreate Hunter S. Thompson’s life in real-time. I totally feel you but I’m not about that life so, again, not the blog for you.

Also, please don’t message me and ask me to help guide you or wonder if maybe we could be roommates. Don’t you even think about bringing that evil up into my life!

Is my apartment the Robert Young Center? No it is not.

(Also, for the record (from now into the everlasting future), no I don’t want to try any of your weed. You don’t know the monsters I have known!)

Ok, so, if you’re still actually reading this and wanna talk (i.e. read what I have to say) about making some healthy steps so you can feel better and party with your friends in moderation and just feel good most of the time let me start by giving you a scenario:

(It’s real life too! Mine!)

Imagine you’re halfway through grad school and you’re working part time and you’re fairly stressed out and could not be more single because you are hovering around 4 bills on the bathroom scale (I mean it goes up to 350 and you are just burying that needle - SIDE NOTE: weight and self-worth are independent and my weight was not the sole reason for my solitude) and you kind of did this to yourself because you had like some unwanted attention previously that affected your career so then you knew if you looked way different you wouldn’t have to deal with that and then also, hello, grad school, just have a different career? Well, let’s say one night you are procrastinating on writing a paper, as you usually do, and you just kind of lose consciousness at one point for no real reason which is a little alarming so then you go to the ER and they are like:

“Bitch you could not have type 2 diabetes any harder right now. Are you even being serious with what a disaster this blood work is?!” - the doctor’s not quite exact words.

Um, problem.

If we’ve not met, my name is Lauren and I have been super-unhealthily preoccupied with my weight and appearance since 3rd grade. I’ve always been tall. Like, very talll. And in 3rd grade the entire class had to line up and get weighed for some reason and I tipped the scales far and above everyone else by a substantial amount. SUBSTANTIAL. And I was so weirded out because I honestly was a thin little adorable girl that just happened to be like a torso taller than everyone else, even the boys, and I internalized that number on the scale being so different from everyone else that I fucking snapped and have lived a life of complete body preoccupation that I wish upon no one. At that time my parents had just gotten divorced, my mom younger brother and I had just basically ditched my father as he was recovering from a horrible injury to move in with my grandparents, I literally did not even know what was happening around me half the time and then the universe felt like springing this complex about how much I weighed on me? Thanks just, SOMUCH! I’ll be sure to cycle through all the available eating disorders possible for the rest of my life!

In all seriousness, that’s just a little peek into my personal bullshit. Which when you get right down to it is just a bunch of first world problem whining.

The real problem is that tons of young women (and men too) in this country know all too well how all of that above rambling feels and that’s truly sad. So many people feel like shit about their appearance and weight and that is just really such a shame and waste.

Maybe you grew up with the most insecure and low-self-esteemed examples around you because some of your family members were/are just the worst.

Maybe you made your way into some kind of corporate career and were poised for some real success but then your boss got drunk and demanded that you “show him your fucking tits” or told you how hard you make his dick or how happy he is to see you stopping by the office after hours in the dark and goes in for some kind of strange embrace and you aren’t totally sure what to do in any of those situations because, uh, whattheactualfuck, so you default to doing nothing because you don’t think anyone cares or will believe you or you were worried about what could happen to your other coworker(s) if you said something and then you don’t have those jobs or opportunities anymore.

Maybe you grew up in a household where portion control and/or constructing a whole and actually balanced and nutritious meal wasn’t a thing or a possibility.

Bummer!

All of those scenarious are difficult. It’s not your fault people and/or situations fucking suck but it is up to you how you’re going to react to people and situations like that moving forward and the picture you’re going to create in your mind of how you view and see yourself which has a direct impact on how those around you see and view you.

Bottom Line: If you want to get healthy this new year and want to make changes to your life, if you are doing them for yourself, you are going to kick so much ass I can’t wait to see your progress. You’ll be engaged in the process and actually invest in learning how to do things right and will fucking blow your own mind with what you’re capeable of.

Oh, one last thing, to reference back up to the picture at the beginning of this post. Definitely let loose and enjoy the holidays first. January 1 is the perfect time to start. Once you really commit to health and stop eating a lot of junk and then try to go back and eat some it actually physically hurts and a holiday season without many treats is a holiday season no one should have to endure! 🤪

[sanerontheinside]

how not to spend a weekend

aka: what’s so bad about a ‘manageable’ chronic disease?

relying on something outside yourself, and not being able to do fuckall if it’s lost, stolen, or broken. it’s bad enough when you fuck up, and you occasionally do - it’s unavoidable. but when it’s… not something you could prevent?

Adventures of Saner:

So this stars simple enough.

There are two entrances into my complex. One is a kinda sharpish turn, the other is pretty smooth. In both cases, you’re turning through opposing traffic and hoping you get a clear way. Sometimes it can be a bit quick.

So, yours truly, on the way home I nearly get cut off by a mofo. I hit the brakes not too hard, hear stuff sliding around in the seat behind me. ‘k, I decide, we’re checking under the seat for things when I get home.

I park, I get my stuff out the back where it’s been scattered. Most of everything is still on the seat.

Except?

Of course. The med kit. With the controller to my insulin pump. Which, btw, has a built-in blood sugar meter. So, to recap: now my insulin pump is delivering an hourly rate of insulin, and I have a CGM (constant glucose monitoring system) that estimates my blood sugar every five minutes, but needs to be recalibrated with real-life data because after 6-12 hours of running on its own it can be as many as 20 mg/dL off the mark. (Let me tell you, the difference between 95 and 75 mg/dL is not a joke.)

Also, because our bodies have their own rhythms and ideas, I need to cut the insulin hourly rate around 50% at night. This is a fairly recent pattern for me, I never got around to programming it into the pump controls because - well, I can just do it manually before falling asleep.

Now, mind you, if you’re doing shit right you have a backup of the old two insulin system: long term insulin for whatever your body breaks down in glycogen over the course of the day, and short term, fast-acting insulin for the food you consume. But it can be complicated switching back. (Especially since my longterm form turned out to be expired. Well, shit.)

Hmmm. Ok. Not panicking yet. Let’s try under the seats.

Nope.

Fine. Well: logically, I know I had it in my hand when I left class this morning, and I know I sat down for all of about a minute and rearranged everything I was holding - a notebook, a purse, the kit, and a pen - before the person I was waiting for got out herself.

I don’t remember if I had it in the car. So I, logically, assumed I’d left it on the bench.

Here comes the fun part. I drive back to the school. I check the bench. The library, the public safety building, the admissions office (logical places to bring lost items to). And then, after the lovely ladies in the office sent out emails and posted to the Facebook group, I left and checked the library again.

The ladies upstairs were awesome and managed my runaway detail-oriented brain and actually suggested I call the company for a replacement. Ok, good, I’ll do that when I get home.

I check the seats again, this time with a flashlight. Although a flashlight in broad daylight is - eh, not so helpful. But - still no sign.

So I head home, where I call the company. Now here’s the fun bit, warranty does not cover lost or stolen items. Haaaahahaa. $500, please and thank you, and $20 for overnight shipping.

But overnight, I think. Only one night of sitting here, wide awake, watching my blood sugar tank, with the option of pulling out the fucking pump and just dealing until the delivery on Saturday. Time. Safety net. Good.

Drink copious amounts of coffee, and eat some food - without giving insulin for it, because we can’t, not without the controller. Nothing happens for a few hours. I dig out my spare blood sugar meter, test it, find that it works.

I then chill, chat with fumbles and meggory and baskets and we reschedule the podcast because fumbles’ sister unexpectedly had a party and there was too much background noise.

Then my parents nudge me into calling the company to see if they’ve mailed the replacement, which is where it turns out I won’t have it til Monday.

Awkward.

Worse: I try to check my blood after the call because it’s dropping (I haven’t had dinner yet, and the mere fact that I have to live, somehow, like this, for a fucking weekend, is leaving me shaking). I want to know just how far it’s dropping.

Just then, naturally, the battery in my spare meter runs out.

If nothing else could break a poor girl, that was fucking just it. Stick a fucking fork in me, I was so fucking done.

So I posted in 2 Facebook groups, basically - if someone found it and picked it up, I’ve already said before that this is time-sensitive, so let me explain - I need to cut my dose in half for six hours starting midnight, otherwise blood sugar drops like a fucking stone. If you’ve found it and thought it could wait for Monday, I say, well, it can’t. But I’m not mad because the people I reordered from did that anyway and they should know better. So, if you’ve found it, kindly pls let me know. Basically, help.

I got a frankly overwhelming response. Someone asked the janitorial staff, someone checked the library. Someone even came through with a spare meter, bless his soul, I interrupted a date actually.

Anyway twenty minutes to midnight my parents show up to take me home and watch me for the night, insisting that I should sleep. Since the package isn’t coming until Monday, I figure, sure, why not.

I unlock the car, dad checks it out, finds nothing.

Then mom does a round just as we’re about to leave. She comes back and gets in with us with the case in hand. Ok, she says, let’s go home.

Turns out physics buggered off for a day. Instead of ending up under the seat, or between the seat and the door, this case - black, the size of an iphone 6+ probably, skitters around the side of the car, along the wall, into the fucking car door space which is black and if I were even looking I wouldn’t see it there.

I invite you to imagine watching the entire 2*16 election crammed into 12 hours. That’s how bad it fucking felt.

This happened last Friday, the day after I wrote the little short piece about breaking the Empire, for a type1diabetic OC. Listen, do you know how much of a slap in the face that was? Sure, don’t associate stray happenings and coincidences blah blah -

- no, listen. Half the time it feels like, because I can manage this as well as I do, it’s not a disease. It’s not a trial. It’s a minor part of my life that’s not much worth note. One night I got so annoyed with the itchiness at the insulin infusion sites - afraid of a new allergy, actually, to the insulin preservatives or maybe the pump adhesive - that I poured out that frustration and it suddenly because part of a story I’ve been working on.

And suddenly it was important, because how do people live like this, how do I live like this? Wouldn’t you want to see that in a book, on a page, wouldn’t you want to see even this nebulous sort of half-suffering, if you lived with it, too? That dependence on something external holding you hostage? The horror of imagining it taken away from you by someone who decided they have the power - or just didn’t care?

I don’t know if what happened the next day was a cosmic joke at me for opening my mouth to complain (cultural conditioning, pardon me) or a reminder that, yes, this is important. I suppose it’s not right to reveal the thought processes behind what you’ve written, because that detracts from it a bit. But all the people I tagged on that original post when I first wrote it - they didn’t get notifications for it. Not for hours at least, and even then I think I fiddled with those tags so much I might have found four different ways to fix this.

And you’ll forgive me if every time some part of this fucking universe shuts me up and steals my voice I fall into silence. Cultural conditioning is not the only thing here. The same way my disease is manageable, the gaslighting in my family is infrequent and they’re not emotionally abusive as a rule. I can’t complain about them. But that they have done it - that’s still true.

Fuck all that shit. I wanted to scream. I still want to scream, and cry. I’m writing Phainé as a type1 diabetic, as decided.

[seulgayest-blog]

Wenseul Fic Recs

O N G O I N G

We're Just Living Life - College AU || Wendy finds a reason to leave her bedsheets and Seulgi would rather be broke than bored on Tuesdays.

Come My Way - College AU || Seungwan's social buddy, joohyun, goes out of town. With her main buddy gone, her other friends become set on making her make new friends.

Club: Persistence - When a simple relationship at a club gets deep. [M-RATED]

Just Go Along With It (Please) - Fake Dating AU / College AU || Son Seungwan decides she's finally done with Sooyoung and Yerim's tragic attempts at hooking her up with people. So she grabs the nearest unfortunate woman she can find, Kang Seulgi, and announces her as her girlfriend. I RLY RECOMMEND THIS ONE

Camgirl - College AU / Camgirl!Wendy || While at college, Seulgi stumbles upon an online service hosted by someone who looks like her high school crush. So of course she clicks the link. [M-RATED]

C O M P L E T E D

Safe Heaven - One Shot || In the middle of college and work, they find in each other a special place where they can be themselves and feel at peace.

Happy Birthday - One Shot || Wendy receives the most precious birthday gift she could ever ask for.

Love is (within) four walls - One Shot || Fluffy-ish fic about Wenseul's roommate dynamic.

I wanna leave (yeah leave it all behind) - One Shot / Hint of Wenrene || Seungwan has distanced herself from Seulgi. She had done so to deal with her problems and now she thinks they're okay but Seulgi begs to differ.

Faceless Company - One Shot || Seulgi leaves a note on every blue sonata / Super short and cute wenseul drabble

Be my spring (i'll be your flower) - One Shot || Seulgi goes on dates. Seungwan, her best friend slash flat mate, is nosy and gets in the way sometimes. A MUST READ

Conspiracy - One Shot || In which Wendy and Seulgi are very hopeless and the members aren't making it any easier for them. This one is rly well-written

Home - One Shot || An overfluffed drabble. super fluff uwu i got diabetes from how sweet this was

To be your prince...ss - One Shot || In which Seulgi bear is jealous of a certain male singer that sang a duet with her princess. Not a big fan of this one but its good i guess

Coffee Cups - One Shot / College AU || The AU fic where Kang Seulgi is fascinated by the campus' new barista working at Starbucks.

Lightning in a bottle (i can't let you go now that i got it) - Short Chaptered Fic / College AU || Turns out Christmas miracles do exist. Even if they're laced with awkwardness, embarrassment and the worst hangover ever. ANOTHER MUST READ

Papa Kang - Short Chaptered Fic / College AU || Seulgi knows nothing about Greek Life when she meets Wendy. She definitely doesn't know she's adopting sixty-four sorority girls and becoming the 'dad' of the sorority house when she starts dating the younger girl.

I might make a seulrene one as well even tho i dont ship em. seulrene has gr8 fanfics can we have the same treatment for wenseul thx.

Sorry if all the completed ones are oneshots. There aren't a lot of chaptered fics for wenseul. Might do Chaeyu next so yall better wait for that.

[littlelambdrgnfly]

I feel fucking awful 😣 I really do think it’s hypoglycemia that’s making me feel so shitty, and it makes me paranoid about developing diabetes. As far as I know, my family doesn’t have a history with it, though my dad is hypoglycemic too, but as someone who’s overweight and has PCOS, I know I’m a prime target. I also eat way too much sugar (but I’ve really gotten better about eating less of it in the past year or so). I know diabetes is manageable with diet and exercise but I’m paranoid about losing my foot to it like Ella Fitzgerald. I truly think quitting smoking was easier for me than it would be to quit sweets and Diet Coke. I will just say that I’m proud of myself for drinking a lot more water over the past year, because my soda habit was atrocious before. Now I’m down to typically one, sometimes two, 16 oz Diet Cokes a day, along with usually two, sometimes three caffeine free store-brand Sprites. That is actually a big improvement over what I used to drink, and an improvement over what my roommate currently drinks, and even tho it’s dumb, I just wanted to pat myself on the back a little bit. It’s just so discouraging to make these changes and work towards improving myself only for something new to pop up or to relapse into old habits or for nothing to change at all.

Edit: I should probably add that I do have an endocrinologist and he does keep tabs on whether or not I’m pre-diabetic, and it’s always come back negative, but y’all know how I feel about doctors :p

[honey-and-strawberry]

Well that makes us pretty much cousins, doesn’t it 😌? Me and my mother took the same one, of course there is a lot of Germanic in our genes but also Eastern Europe and Jewish, that was a revelation not expected at all ^^. Have you been to Europe (Germany or Sweden more specifically)?

My father hade a stroke three years ago, he doesn’t smoke as much as before but he’s still smoking so I get your frustration!

Hmm, I would guess Jooheon is your bias or am I very much mistaken? It feels like my bias changes by the hour to be honest ^^. My first bias in MX was Minhyuk, I like his voice and that he is very affectionate. But right now I’m elevating towards Jooheon, Hyungwon and Kihyun, I usually have a tendency to fall for ones with deep voices but with MX I’m all over the place 😅. I’m actually really new to k-pop in general, although “Hero” was the first ever k-pop song I listened to, Pentagon was the first group I fell in love with. But what I have found is that the fan bases for both Monsta X and Pentagon are really nice and caring (at least those I’ve met) and these two groups also seem to have a very strong bond with their fan bases ❤️. But the k-pop community can be a bit mind boggling sometimes, these fan wars or talking down on idols or groups online, I really don’t get it. Or for example what Wonho has been subjected to lately and don’t get me started about these false bullying accusations against Kihyun!!!! What about you, do you have any other groups you like besides MX?/ stumbling anon

Cousins 😭😭😭 I’ve been to Europe many times (thanks to flight benefits) but mostly to Hungary to see family but I would usually take trains from Frankfurt and head out east. Other than Hungary, I’ve been to Germany and Italy the most. München is probably my favorite 😭❤️ what’s your favorite place to travel to!!!

I’m surprised how my mom is still living as she is cause she has diabetes, low blood pressure, stents in her heart, numerous other problems but yet all she does is sleep, drink a 2 liter of soda a day, and smoke a pack and a half a day. Trying to get her to eat is basically pulling teeth (which she has none shocker shocker).

You are very much right Jooheon is my bias 🥰 (kyun is my ultimate tho if that makes sense but don’t tell kyun🤭). My first bias was shownu and min ☺️ it was very fun changing biases every week till Jooheon took my heart and ran ❤️❤️❤️ (I’m wrecked everyday, but I’m still loyal😂) I’m fairly new to kpop too, became a fan in the fall of 2019 and my first group was Day6 (thanks to my roommate at the time) and yes they’re still one of my top favorites, but it can’t compare to my love for MX. I stay the hell away from the craziness of fans, because it just gives me a headache dealing with it. That’s something I really liked about Day6. Their fans (as far as I seen) aren’t like the crazy bullying brats. There are so many fans I’ve seen on Twitter that are hella suspish (suspicious) and I don’t want to mention names because I KNOW their own fanbase (yes, they have their own fanbase. Don’t even get me started, it’s wild and I can only roll my eyes so far back) will find me and attack me for being a hater. Well I wouldn’t be a hater if they weren’t a manipulative selfish bitch but 😬😬😬

[angergripped-blog]

&ooc; 

as soon as my boss leaves, I can be on my laptop- not saying I can’t while she’s here but I don’t wanna be rude to her. 

In the meantime, I’m using the browser on the new work computer and I was thinking of an awful hospital story time which I will put below the cut 

If you’re mobile and the “keep reading” doesn’t show up after this sentence, feel free to scroll on past. 

So. I’m twenty-six, I’ve never broken a bone in my life, but I have been in the hospital a total of three times: 

once for cancer (papillary thyroid; thyroid removed in Nov 19th, 2009)

once for low calcium (that’s really bad, did you know?) 

once for severe dehydration (May 6th, 2016)

The last one is the story I’m tellin’ today. Also forgive me if I fail to make sense, I’ve gotten a total of 10 hours of sleep in two days and after having been sick, my body is not havin’ it. 

ANYWAY. Story time. 

So I’ve been living with my two roommates for two years now (we just signed our third year’s lease together <3 I love them)- prior to moving out I was so so so not in a good place, living at home with my parents was awful and I was pretty close to suicide tbh. Moved out of my parents house and moved in with two friends, and everything was okay for a while. 

Hell, I even started seeing a therapist- I was pretty proud of myself.

Then I went for a normal routine check up w my pcp (primary care provider), a woman I wasn’t overly fond of but that’s neither here nor there. Labs come back and all of the sudden they’re freaking out because my blood sugar is not only high but dangerously high. Like my blood glucose was over 400. That’s bad. 

So the dr tells me “Hey you need to be on these meds”- now the medication she prescribed me where glipizide and metformin, which are to control type two diabetes. 

Prior to this incident, there was no indication of me being diabetic. I want to make that abundantly clear- the entire 25 years of my life prior, there was no indication of me being diabetic, my blood sugar was fine, I wasn’t the healthiest but not super bad about eating either. (I’ve gotten better about eating tho too so...) 

Now, my father has type two. Logically, seeing as this was showing up when it was, I should have type two. 

Not the case. 

The medicine made me horrendously sick. Could not keep anything in my body from 11pm Thursday night till about 1pm Friday afternoon. 

And Friday morning was my appointment with the endocrinologist. She told me she had wanted me on insulin from the start when the blood work came back with my glucose so high, but my doctor insisted on giving me pills instead. After my appointment, I was instructed to go immediately to the hospital since I’d been so sick. (It was disgusting. I won’t go into details)

So Liz- the girl roommate- drove me over to the hospital and even stayed with me for the  few hours I was there. 

The poor nurse who was assigned to giving me the IV managed to get my arm in the wrong spot and I bled all over the bed. She freaked out but I was too damn tired to care, and didn’t see the damage till I was released (It wasn’t bad but I bruised hella bad). 

After they released me I went to see Civil War with Liz and Julia and Brandon (the boy roommate) and it was fine. 

But that’s how I found out I am a diabetic- they call it one-point-five because it’s all the symptoms of type one, just showing up later in a person’s life. 

[undesired-attention]

okay, i have a little bit before i want to go to bed so ig ill write about whats been going on

my dad found out i smoke weed, but he hasn’t tried talking to me about it or brought it up to me. he told my mom he knew because i ordered this pretty pipe to smoke from that is a crystal, but i had it accidentally shipped to my house and my dad found it in the mail. it was shipped from china so it had what it was on the package, but he still left it with my ipsy bag to get when i woke up the next day so idk. he’s found out i was doing stuff like that before, maybe not pot but cigarettes and would scream at me and stuff but he didn’t with this, and since he hasn’t yet i know he won’t at all (unless relevant in his eyes in a future fight, always possible). he basically told my mom to tell me not to get caught with it in my car, which i wont. 

these next two things are both things that happened yesterday so these are what sparked the slight urge/interest in wanting to type it all out,

so first i came back from lunch yesterday and my roommate was standing in our kitchen and said “you just missed the craziest shit” and i was like lol, okay what. she broke up with her boyfriend over the weekend and had sex with another boy (what a life, right? whatever tho) and he was in our room with her yesterday just hanging out because they are really good friends and are going on a group trip somewhere and were looking at plane tickets. so she heard the front door open and close then heard nothing, so she got up and opened her bedroom door and her ex was right there screaming at her to open her door and talk to him and she was holding the door closed screaming at him to leave and the boy in the room was helping, but apparently he had ACL surgery recently and couldn’t really help, so her ex eventually got in. he shoved my roommate into the closet, knocking her curtain down (we don’t have closet doors in our dorms here) on her face, then started screaming at the boy “you fucked my girlfriend” because he had hickeys on his neck from the previous night with her, and he just made up a lie that he had a gf and whatever. so they got into a fist fight, it moved out into our kitchen, then out into the dorm hall and my roommate was screaming and calling the police and the RA down the hall. 

so at this point her ex runs out of the building with my RA chasing him telling him to stop, 5 cops show up, and it was 12:30 and she had class at 1 so they only talked to her for a few seconds and then she had to leave for class then go to the police station after. (this is when i came back, there was no cops and she was literally walking out the door) well her ex was texting her saying “im on campus, im not telling you where i am, and im not leaving until you talk to me” so she had a bunch of bigger boys walk her to class, and basically her friends ended up seeing him just off campus at a wawa and chased him here into the police station (where she was at this point, after class) and she didn’t press charges and neither did the boy he fought, but the police banned him from campus. 

--okay next story 

also yesterday, i went to my clinical. i really wasn’t in the mood, i was tired. our prof. showed up 40 minutes late and said the boy in our group who was assigned to go to the children’s ER (special experience for our peds rotation) called in sick so one of us needed to go in his place, so i went because we don’t have to fill out any paperwork due the following week so that just made my life slightly easier at this point in time. so i got down there and talked to the charge nurse and she said they were getting an emergency trauma in ~5 minutes so just to hang around and watch (usually we are assigned a nurse, nothing exciting usually happens, just respiratory infections usually or accidents like broken bones and burns) so they got this 17 yo girl unconscious from a suspected suicide attempt and i got to watch in the room as like 20 people total were talking and running around getting stuff for her. it really was exciting, i got to watch them insert an IO (im assuming thats how you use the abbreviation) which is an IV they drill into the bone in the leg when they can’t get peripheral IVs in (happens in IV drug users, this girl was very dark skinned though and it was hard to see veins) so they draw her blood, get her on a vent, insert foley, several epi drips, several narcan attempts (antidote for heroin) and nothing was reeeeally helping, so the lab work came back and she had a blood sugar of 1400, which is AMAZING because that’s INSANE i’ve NEVER EVER EVER heard of blood sugar over 600-700 range from when i work in the ICU as an aide and i take blood sugars there, but this was basically BEYOND critically high. i didn’t even believe the nurses when they told the doctor in front of me, i thought they had to have been talking about a different value. her creatine was also SEVEN, for an ADULT female it should be under basically 1, she isn’t even an adult yet and it was 7x that.

basically, her Dx was diabetes, DKA to be specific. she didn’t have a known diagnosis of diabetes, so this wasn’t expected at all. the nurse told me this girl must have been sick for months and nobody really noticed. so because her creatine was 7 and BS 1400, her kidneys were basically destroyed. she will be on dialysis for the rest of her life because of this. another doctor came in to insert a dialysis catheter so they could start her STAT because that was the only way to lower her levels at that point and i was just like a lil mouse squeak “can i watch?” and he was like “yes please! that would be great, as a nurse you’ll assist in these and it will be really educational.” so i was like iight then, i had to basically scrub in and then he talked me through (along with a med student) how it all worked, it was really cool actually and there was a LOT of blood, which doesn’t bother me but i’ve just never in person experienced that before. it was pretty neat, the whole experience was not expected. at one point a nurse asked me”do you have any questions?” and i was like “oh god, not that i can think of,, i wasn’t even supposed to be here today!” so i got really lucky. i won’t be able to follow up with her, but hopefully she is okay and can recover. 

the last thing i wanted to mention that was shocking:

i was sitting at my window last thursday and it was a really really nice day so my window was left open (i open it to smoke cigarettes out of it, not allowed but i’m just a rebel whatever) and i heard a girl sobbing and screaming into her phone below my window and i looked down and there is a little table hidden in an area where you can’t really see it, the main lounge in my building protrudes from the rest and there is all picnic tables around it and it’s just a little corner where people go to smoke weed and stuff, so i just took a picture of her and sent it to my friends saying there was a girl screaming at her boyfriend on the phone crying below me. so about 5 minutes later i look back down because she’s still crying and she’s just clearly (from my angle, directly above her) cutting herself. she kept looking around to see if anyone could see, but she never looked up. i was SO SHOCKED at this point that i texted one of my friends who has gone through a lot of the same things as me (past history of self harm, to a pretty “bad” extent) and asked if she was in her room (my building) and she wasn’t, she was still in class so i told her what was going on and so she told me when she was leaving and a minute or so after she started walking back the girl got up and left. i just didn’t know what to do, i just know i’m the type of person that when i’m upset or even when i used to hurt myself and if i ever did again, i don’t like talking about it. if someone tried i’d just shut them down or walk away. but i didn’t know this girl at all, so i didn’t know if she was going to flip out, run, try to hurt herself/me so i didn’t go down. it all happened so fast so i didn’t call anyone else, and she hasn’t been back since.

it was just surprising and like blood-chilling to look down and see a girl hurting herself because i’ve never WATCHED someone else do it, i used to do it really bad, i have scars from my wrist to my armpit on my right arm (left handed aye), some on my left upper forearm, my thighs and stomach so i can really relate to self harm, but i just have a hard time relating to people because my friends in high school were just complete opposites of me, they were/are just such happy people overall and none of my close friends ever were depressed or self harmed so i just never really had anyone to relate. so i didn’t know what to do. 

okay, so that’s all of it. i feel really bad it’s so long, but it’s been about a weeks worth of stuff built up. 

[mercer-safehouse]

You've been kind of inactive lately, how's life going??

Thank you for checking in ;u;

I’m gonna put this under a readmore because I have a tendency to babble

TL;DR tho: not great, ups and downs, but i’m surviving

So, first and foremost, my biggest issue lately is drawing--I literally am incapable of drawing because i have no privacy because of the household situation (too many people, we gave our bedroom door to the other people in the house), and the kittens literally will not stay off of me and it freaks me the fuck out because I put them down to even stand up and they’re back on me before I can stand. And worse, they won’t stay off my tablet, which I have to keep on my lap, because my computer situation involves me sitting at the foot of my mom’s bed and keeping my laptop on a tray table.

I know this sounds overdramatic but I literally cannot live without drawing and I feel like I’m dying. But there’s nothing I can do. There’s nowhere I can go. I can’t even sit outside to scribble because it’s gotten cold even for Florida and my blood’s thinned down and I have no fat to store heat and the cold makes me dissociate because of PTSD related to harsh winters in Michigan. 

The cats repeatedly crawling onto my lap despite my attempts to free myself freaks me out really badly because as much as I love cuddling, when I need to move, I need to move. I can’t be trapped or I start freaking out. 

When I do manage to start drawing, I get about halfway through a shitty scribble before the kittens find me and get on my tablet and my mood IMMEDIATELY crashes and I have a breakdown and it’s awful.

I keep forgetting to take my meds on time and now I have to live with the stress of mom having to pay for my meds because I got booted off my insurance because apparently they’re salty about me getting lawyers to help me get on disability because I am growing more and more incapable of functioning like a normal human being.

I need to be isolated for hours on end so I can do creative things like draw and write because I’m super uncomfortable doing those things openly because those things are very personal to me. I have no way to do so and I’m being called to do something for mom every five minutes. I need isolation but the current way we’re living does not allow that. My sister is too lazy to help mom out, so mom and I are depended on to take care of EVERYTHING, including my sister’s cat and many birds. 

I’m trying desperately to deal with the fact that that same sister did horrible, horrible things to me as a child and she refuses to acknowledge it but I remember them, but I’m trying to move on anyways because I know she has issues of her own and she’s actually trying to improve but that doesn’t mean I will ever forgive her.

And then my brother, who I loved for my entire life, and my nephew, his son, are white supremacists, and have no place in my life. 

My two closest siblings basically are people I can no longer be close to--in fact I no longer even care for my brother, at all. It’s like all that love just shriveled up and died in an instant. He called me delusional, he told me my “tender feelings” don’t matter, and, you know. He’s a fucking racist asshole and so is his son. They are dead to me.

My life has been turned on its head, I feel like, and my coping mechanism has been stolen from me.

Because I can’t draw, I want to die, and I feel worthless. I’ve got over four hundred followers and I have nothing to give them. I feel awful. They deserve better. You deserve better. I am sincerely sorry I haven’t been putting out art lately.

Another fucked up thing I’ve dealt with (the entire household has dealt with) is our neighbor’s cat, Abby, got hit by a car. Abby had been spending time over with us, and even ate dinner with our cats. We were all very attached, and her owners were just going to leave her in the fucking ditch, so we buried her with our cats. 

Same neighbor no longer allows her diabetic cat inside because he pees all over the place. He can’t help it. We brought him inside a couple nights ago because it was nearly freezing temp. He hasn’t left since. My sister and her boyfriend have taken up the task of cleaning up after him. 

Because he hasn’t been outside, the neighbors were curious, and one of them mentioned in passing that the neighbor lady who owns the cat was wondering if he crawled under their trailer to die and they didn’t want him stinking up the place.

So, we now have a diabetic cat to care for since the neighbors won’t. Mom thinks he’s only got a few weeks left. His name is Baby and he is very sweet. He doesn’t know what the litterbox is but that’s okay. He’ll learn, or he’ll be cleaned up after. It’s okay.

But we’re going to wind up burying another cat eventually. We’ve buried so many cats. Car incidents, distemper, a dog attack. I’m tired. My heart wants to harden or shrivel up or something but the rest of the cats need me, so I have to stay soft.

And I can’t talk to my therapist about it. Because I don’t have insurance. I can’t allow mom to pay for my appointments. Our roommate isn’t employed at present (recent employers treated him like shit so we all encouraged him to bail out) which means things are tight, but that’s okay. We’re managing. It’s close but we’ve got this. 

In June things are going to get worse in the house because another sister of mine is moving in and that’s GREAT I’m looking forward to seeing her but we don’t have room. 

We’ll make room, but it’s going to feel awful for me. And the worse it gets for me, the more I feel like damaged garbage who needs to be catered to constantly. Years of the first-mentioned sister gaslighting me has left me feeling like everything is my fault, basically. lmao

I need to visit my dad. He wants to be part of my life. But I can’t bring mom with me because that would be Awkward and mom is basically my lifeline. Dad will accept me. He’s fine with who I am. He loves me so much. And I miss him. But I’m terrified of going somewhere without my mom, who I feel most days keeps me sane.

It’s going to take half a year starting whenever the lawyers get me on disability benefits for me to actually get the money, which means I’m going to have to wait at least another half-year to visit my partner, who is an absolute patient angel but I feel awful for taking so long to see her even though she doesn’t blame me. She’s so good to me ;____;

But I AM getting out of the house soon because a friend’s family was able to foot the bill for a plane ticket to go see them and I’m terrified about that because YAY FRIEND I’M SO EXCITED but also no mom to keep me stable.

I’m a 21 person. I should be out of the house. I should have a family of my own. But I still crawl into my mom’s bed when I have a nightmare or when I want to cuddle because I’m having a bad time. I still need my mom to stop my sister from being awful to me because my sister doesn’t respect me like an adult.

I don’t feel like an adult. I depend on everyone around me even though I need total isolation for at least a few hours a day when I want to draw and it’s awful because I can’t have any of that. 

And here I’m going to reiterate that my brother is a white supremacist because that is a recent revelation (though I’m not surprised, looking back) and it makes me so sick I want to die

I’m dealing with a ridiculous sort of dysphoria that has nothing to do with the usual kind I handle.

A tiny thing in comparison to the rest of the stuff above, but: tumblr’s antis freak me out so badly.

And on top of everything: the Tangerine Nightmare-elect

I’m passively suicidal but in no danger of actually going through with it, so like. I’m surviving. I actually kind of cleaned my room a tiny bit. I sweep little bits at a time. I’m trying. I’m just really tired and feel awful about not creating more.