#my room is still 90% packed and im living on top of all the boxes
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I've decided to switch my goals from being on the calendar to being in a notebook because what I was doing was giving myself a sticker for every day that I do my stuff but then I only get one sticker regardless of how much or little I do so now I give myself a sticker for a particular chunk so if I do three chunks on my day off I get three stickers and there has been an immediate increase in my desire to do stuff.
#chit chat#rn i have stickers for a half page of drawing and 20 min of cleaning/organizing/unpacking#because despite the fact that i have lived here for 4 years#my room is still 90% packed and im living on top of all the boxes#so I've been trying to work on unpacking my 900sqft apartment into this 100sqft spare bedroom#while also working full time and writing these long ass stories#and so far I've been managing about 30 min a month lmao#it's a lot of work trying to figure out what you don’t want in your life#when everything you got for your first apartment is sentimental#or practical stuff that you will need again when you move out
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retrouvailles; l.mk
THIS IS A REPOST!!!!
Summary: counting down the days until you finally see your long-distance boyfriend.
Mark is a jerk at one point. Also noticed how I put skype when they were calling through the phone and ft through laptop LOL
word count: 5.7k
Also lets pretend we can use spotify in korea ok
--Day 98
(10:33PM) Cutie: you idiot
(10:33PM) Cutie: answer my call!! You loserrrr
(10:34PM) You: omg give me a second
(10:35PM) You: ffs jshkdmj
(10:35PM) Cutie: omg what are you doing
(10:35PM) Cutie: why are you taking so long
(10:37PM) You: GIVE ME A SECOND
(10:37PM) You: im taking food
You plop onto your bed, placing the plate of grapes on the mattress, resulting in some to topple out of the bowl. You quickly pop one in your mouth before turning on your laptop.
Before you could even call Mark, he was already requesting a facetime with you. You immediately answered.
“Finally,” your boyfriend huffs when the call was finally connected.
You hum, your hands searching for more grapes that has dropped on your bed sheets, popping them in your mouth.
“What are you eating?” he asks.
“Grapes,” your voice came out muffled from chewing, but Mark understands.
“That’s what took you so long?” he frowns, “I can cut a watermelon in 5 seconds,”
“I didn’t ask,” you bite back.
Your boyfriend automatically raises his hand to flash his middle finger while you did the same back at him.
“What time is it there?” you ask him with raised eyebrows.
You were studying in Korea but because of the virus, you had to go back to Canada. You didn’t know how long you would be staying, but Mark had promised you that he would make it work.
“Um,” he looks at the clock that was a hanging next to him, “it’s 2:30PM here,” he answers, looking back at you, “It’s about 11 there, right?”
You nod.
“Don’t you have class tomorrow?” Mark asks.
Lucky for you, your classes has changed to the local timing in Canada. Meaning, you don’t need to stay up at ungodly hours for your classes.
“I think I can wake up tomorrow,”
“Do you want me to call you?”
“Please,” you pout.
Mark scowls jokingly at you, “the things I do for my girlfriend,”
You giggle innocently at your boyfriend, “I love you,” you make a heart with your hands, grinning at your laptop.
“Yeah, yeah,” he rolls his eyes.
--Day 90
“Babe, look up,” you call.
Mark looks up to see you holding your phone up, obviously filming him through the screen.
“What?”
He could hear you grinning from behind your phone.
“Smile,” you instruct.
He grins awkwardly while you let out a snort from behind the screen. You put your phone down, typing something before looking back up at your boyfriend.
“What did you do?”
You look up at him, biting back a smile— to which you failed, “go check Instagram,”
Mark immediately opens Instagram to see that you had posted something on your private Instagram. Only him and the members are following your private account since your relationship is still private.
He clicks on the bubble to see a video of him that you had recorded. When he smiles, his face morphed into a horse from of the filter you were using. Mark couldn’t help but chuckle at the funny effect.
“Okay, that’s kinda funny,” he admits.
He looks back up at you to see you holding your phone in front of your face again, probably trying another filter on him again.
“Is this another ugly filter, again?” whines your boyfriend.
You laugh, your phone not covering your face anymore, “it’s not!”
“Don’t lie,”
Your giggles got louder, “it’s not! I swear!”
“Fine,” he huffs. He straightens his back and stares at the camera, waiting for you to finish recording.
You put your phone down re-watching the video, chuckles leaving your lips.
“What filter did you use?”
“It’s on my insta, baby,”
He looks down on his phone again to see that you have posted another story. He immediately clicks on it to see it was an NCT filter.
‘Who is your NCT Bias?’ Was written on top of his head.
Mark waits for the filter to show the result. He grimaced when he got Jeno. He swipes up to reply to your story to send you a message.
markleeee99 replied to your story: ewww
--Day 87
(1:18PM) mwark: hello baby
(1:20PM) you: wht im having class rn
(1:20PM) mwark: so
(1:25PM) you: i have class??? go away loser
(1:25PM) mwark: :( I just wanna talk to my girlfriend tho :/
(1:27PM) you: later
(1:27PM) mwark: nooo
(1:33PM) you: omg youre an idol why are you so free
(1:34PM) you: go dance or rap or smth
(1:34PM) mwark: babyyyy
(1:35PM) you: im putting my phone on dnd
(1:35PM) mwark: nooo
(1:35PM) mwark: babe
(1:40PM) mwark: did you actually leave me D:
(1:40PM) mwark: ok whatev
(1:40PM) mwark: I was about to send you something but I guess I won’t now
(1:40PM) mwark: are you still ignoring me????
(1:41PM) mwark: omg babe I was jst joking I’ll send you some gifts
(1:41PM) mwark: booo u suck :(
--Day 81
This time, it was slightly different. Instead of your usual late-night calls through the computer, you had immediately skype him through your phone when you had received a package from Korea.
“You got me something?” you ask loudly when your boyfriend answered your call.
“Jeez, hello to you too, babe,” he rolls his eyes, “and yea, did it arrive?”
“What did you get me? And what type of shipping did you choose? It arrived so quickly,”
The box was pretty heavy, so you had to put your phone down to place the huge box on the counter before bringing your phone back into view.
“Express, I paid like extra,” Mark answers, eyeing you through the screen.
You click your tongue, opening the drawer to take out a knife, “stop wasting your money, you dumbass,”
Mark didn’t reply, instead he waits for you to open the package.
You let out a sigh, “what did you get me this time?”
You open the cardboard box, a navy-blue hoodie covering the top of it. You pull it out, looking at Mark who has a smile plastered on his face.
“Is this your hoodie?!” you squeal, putting it on yourself.
Your heart melt when the familiar scent fills your nostrils. It smells just like Mark.
“Canada is getting cold isn’t it? Keep yourself warm, baby,”
You lean over to take everything out from the box. Mark had given you his half-used cologne that he uses on a daily.
“I bought a new one just so I could give you mine,” he tells you, a playful smirk on his lips.
He had also packed some of your favourite Korean snacks, and some that you haven’t tried before. Along with some matching phone cases for the both of you.
“Now I feel bad I didn’t get anything for you,” you frown., pulling the hoodie over your head.
“Don’t be,” he reassures you, “being able to see you is already enough,”
You scrunch your nose in disgust, “cringey, Mark-ie,”
“Fuck you,” he chuckles, flashing his middle finger at you.
Your eyes widen when he cursed, “my mom’s home, you idiot!”
You laugh loudly when Mark’s eyes widen in surprise, both his hands covering his mouth.
“Y/N?” you hear your mom call from the living room, “who are you talking to?”
Before you could even reply, your mother was walking towards you.
“It’s Mark,” you answer as your mother got into frame to see Mark.
“Mark! It has been a while, how’s Korea?”
Your boyfriend greeted your mom politely, a grin plastered on his face. Your mom was about to reach for your phone to talk to Mark, but you frown and pull away.
“Noo, I wanna talk to Mark,”
You gathered the gifts Mark had given you in your arms before skipping up the stairs to your room, to spend the whole day (night for him) with him.
--Day 80
“Yo, Mark, there’s some food left outside, do you want it?” you heard Johnny ask from through the screen.
Mark turns to look at the intruder, “knock next time, dude,” groans Mark.
“Is that y/n?”
Johnny suddenly enters the frame with a gummy grin, waving enthusiastically at you.
“Hi Johnny, how are you?” you smile, waving back at the older boy.
Just when Johnny was about to get comfortable on Mark’s bed, your boyfriend let out string of whines, moving his phone until you could only see his cheeks.
“Ah, that’s enough,” your boyfriend says in annoyance, “y/n is tired, goodnight, baby.”
You couldn’t even reply because Mark had already ended the skype call.
You pout, opening your messenger to send a text to your boyfriend.
(7:35PM) You: heyyy why’d you end the call? ):
(7:36PM) Bubba: sorry
(7:36PM) Bubba: johnny was being annoying
(7:36PM) You: he wasn’t tho ):
(7:36PM) You: can we call again?
(7:38PM) Bubba: sorry angel
(7:38PM) Bubba: johnny wants me to go make music
(7:38PM) Bubba: later tonight?
(7:38PM) You: oky
(7:42PM) You: love u!
(7:42PM) Bubba: love u too
(7:42PM) Bubba: <3
--Day 76
You were in the middle of facetiming mark when your phone vibrates from a text. You raise your eyebrows, thinking it was Mark.
(12:11AM) Johnny: hey
(12:11AM) Johnny: I need to ask you something
(12:13AM) You: yeah?
(12:13AM) Johnny: is mark okay lately?
(12:13AM) You: he seems fine to me, why? Did something happen?
(12:14AM) Johnny: I don’t know if I should tell you about this
(12:14AM) Johnny: but
(12:14AM) Johnny: youre the only one who can probably help him
(12:14AM) You: help him with what?
You look up at your laptop to see that Mark’s eyes was still glued on his phone. Probably playing some games.
(12:17AM) Johnny: he hasn’t been eating lately
(12:19AM) Johnny: he doesn’t really tell us stuff anymore so I was wondering you would’ve known something?
(12:22AM) You: oh
(12:22AM) You: he hasn’t told me anything
(12:23AM) You: I’ll talk to him about it
(12:25AM) You: thanks johnny :)
“Hey,” you jump at your boyfriend’s voice. You snap your head to look at your boyfriend who was already staring at you with curious eyes. “What are you so busy with?”
You clear your throat, shaking your head, tossing your phone to the side.
“I wanna ask you something,” you say.
“Whats up?”
You scratch your head, unsure of how to put it into words without offending your boyfriend. You knew he hated being babied but you still want to care for him. He was your other half, after all.
“Have you been eating well lately?”
You could sense Mark was stunned by the random question. He looks away from your wary eyes.
“Who told you?”
“Mark—”
“It was Johnny wasn’t it?” he cuts you off in anger. “God damn it, this is why I don’t want you talking to my friends,”
Why was he making this such a big deal?
“Mark I was just asking a simple question, why are you acting this way?” you argued back.
He shakes his head, threading his fingers through his black hair stressfully.
“I need to go Y/N,” sighs your boyfriend, “Goodnight,”
“Mark—” you were too late. Mark had already ended the call.
A heavy sigh left your lips as you lied down on your bed.
You weren’t sure if you should text him or give him space. Should you apologize? Was it your fault for bringing it up?
After thinking for a while, you decided to send him a text.
(8:33PM) You: hi baby. I was just asking because I was worried about you. I know you hate it when I baby you, but I’m just looking out for you. I didn’t mean to bother you
(8:33PM) You: please don’t blame your friends for this.
(8:36PM) You: I’m sorry, okay?
(8:40PM) You: I just want you to eat healthily. I’m not there to take care of you and I just want you to be healthy.
(8:47PM) You: just text me whenever so we can talk this out
(8:57PM) You: goodnight, mark
--Day 75
(12:03PM) Lovey: hey
(12:03PM) Lovey: I was thinking and realised how selfish I acted towards you
(12:05PM) Lovey: I know you were just looking out for me and I was just wasn’t in the mood because of how stressful it has been
(12:05PM) Lovey: please don’t apologize. Its my fault
(12:15PM) You: why haven’t you been eating?
(12:15PM) Lovey: comeback
(12:15PM) Lovey: I’m trying to lose some cheeks for this comeback
(12:30PM) Lovey: sorry for worrying you
(12:31PM) You: whaa…
(12:33PM) You: but you know my favourite part of your face is your cheeks D:
(12:33PM) Lovey: :(
(12:33PM) You: will you start eating again?
(12:35PM) You: im not going to force you, mark. It’s really up to you.
(12:35PM) Lovey: im eating right now
(12:35PM) You: what are you eating
(12:38PM) Lovey: cereal
(12:38PM) Lovey: and um some left over sushi from yesterday
(12:38PM) You: ohhh sounds delicious
(12:40PM) You: okay I wont disturb you anymore, have fun eating bby
As you were about to put your phone away but there was an incoming videocall from your boyfriend. A small chuckle left your lips as you answered the call.
--Day 73
“Yo, did you see it?!” was the first thing Mark had asked you when you answered his call.
You raise your eyebrows in confusion, sitting up from your laying position, “see what?”
“We just posted a new dance practice; did you not see it?” his eyes widen dismay.
You shook your head, grabbing your laptop from the table, placing it on your lap, “nope, my phone was on dnd,”
“How did you answer my call, then?”
“You’re in my favourites dumbass,”
You type in your password before searching YouTube and clicking on the video that your boyfriend was talking about.
While watching the video, you placed your phone resting on the laptop so Mark could see your face. Throughout the whole video, you were singing softly to the song.
“Did you see that?! Did you see it?” Mark suddenly yells through the screen during the dance break part.
You jump a little, “what? What? What did I miss?”
He groans at you, “the bracelet! Johnny dropped it!”
“Huh?” you press the arrow to repeat it again and you noticed how Johnny’s bracelet fell while he was dancing.
“Wait a little more, I picked it up! Like a professional!”
You waited a little longer and your boyfriend was right. While he was getting into position, your boyfriend had swept the bracelet in his hands.
You grin, “proud of you, babe,”
You wanted to continue watching but your laptop started lagging from the terrible wi-fi. You groan in annoyance, pressing pause, hoping it would reload but it only hangs even more.
“God damnit, this fucking wi-fi,”
“Should I buy you a router? Or a new laptop?” he jokes.
--Day 71
(9:02PM) You: hey wanna call?
(9:02PM) You: today was so stressful I just wanna talk to you
(10:12PM) You: ahh you must be busy with comeback
(9:32PM) You: sorry babe! We’ll jst call tmr? :)
(9:33PM) You: love u! make sureee u drink lots of water <3
-Day 67
Mark lets out an aspirated sigh as he answers your facetime call. “What, Y/N?”
You frown at the way he greets you. He was moody probably because he just finished practicing.
You could tell from how he was laying on his bed without a shirt on, or how he would repeatedly thread his fingers through his black locks.
“I just wanted to talk to you,” you mumble out softly, your eyes softening, feeling guilty that you were disturbing him.
You bit your lip anxiously when Mark simply sighs, rolling his eyes slightly, “should we just call another time?”
He sighs once more, moving around until he lays on his side, “no, no, what’s up?”
You felt a little hesitant, unsure if he was being sarcastic or not. Mark wasn’t the type to approach something if he doesn’t like it, he would just go with the flow.
You shook your head, laying back down onto your bed, “No, you’re tired and I shouldn’t be disturbing you right now.”
Mark opens his mouth but you cut him off, “Sorry, Mark. Goodnight.”
You quickly end the call with a heavy heart, throwing your phone next to you. You knew you shouldn’t be expecting an incoming call from your boyfriend, but you shamelessly waited for his specific ringtone.
It did break your heart a little when you didn’t get any response from your boyfriend.
That night, you had spent your time watching Netflix with tears rolling down your cheeks.
-Day 62
“Y/N?”
A choked sob left your throat, your hands wiping the tears running down your cheeks.
“Y/N? Are you okay?” Johnny’s voice filled your ears.
You gulp as your heart clench painfully when you hear Mark’s laughter in the background.
“Y/N, d-do you want me to pass the phone to Mark?”
“N-no,” you quickly say out, pausing a little. Hiccups leaving your lips, “d-don’t… please,”
“Okay?” Johnny replies in uncertainty, “Are you… okay? Should I beat Mark up?” he jokes.
You couldn’t bring yourself to smile. “How is he doing?” you whisper, but Johnny could hear very clearly.
You assumed that he had moved somewhere else since you can’t hear the boys screaming in the background.
“Did something happen?” Johnny asks, “I’m not with them right now, so you can tell me.”
You remember the last time you had last talked to Mark.
It has been exactly 5 days since the both of you last texted— or even called. You weren’t sure why or how it happened.
It had taken a big toll on you— you couldn’t focus during lessons and you had spent most of the nights wide awake, thinking what had gone wrong. You had contemplated multiple times whether you should send him a text, but every time you push yourself to say something, you would always remember how busy he is.
“We haven’t been talking for a while,” you answer painfully, “but he’s doing fine, right?”
You hope he’s doing fine.
You hear Johnny lets out an agitated sigh, “Don’t worry Y/N, I’ll go talk to him, okay?”
“Just… don’t stress him out even more.”
“I won’t. Just… stop crying over him, okay?” he says, “Mark is an idiot, he’s not worth crying over.”
A small giggle leaves your lips, “you sound like a girl right now,”
-Day 61
(12:12AM) Mark: hey babe
(12:12AM) Mark: johnny just talked to me about what happened
(12:13AM) Mark: can we talk?
(12:45AM) You: okay
(12:45AM) Mark: great, I’ll call you
(12:45AM) You: no
(12:46AM) You: we’ll text
(12:46AM) You: here
You just know that you would be a sobbing mess once you hear Mark’s voice.
(12:46AM) Mark: oh
(12:46AM) Mark: okay
(12:46AM) Mark: youre okay tho
(12:47AM) Mark: right
(12:52AM) You: mhm
(12:52AM) Mark: that’s great um
(12:52AM) Mark: i didn’t know you were feeling that way
(12:53AM) Mark: i’ve been so busy lately i forgot to text or call you
(12:53AM) Mark: and that is not your fault at all
(12:53AM) Mark: i shouldn’t be acting like that in the first place
(12:54AM) Mark: its just really hard with timezones and everything
(12:54AM) Mark: especially with the comeback and all
(12:54AM) You: what are you saying mark?
(12:55AM) Mark: what?
(12:58AM) You: are you breaking up with me?
(12:58AM) Mark: wat? no. what.
(12:58AM) You: wait so we’re not breaking up?
(12:58AM) Mark: what
(12:58AM) Mark: no of course not what are you saying?
(12:59AM) You: I DON’T KNOW
(12:59AM) You: i thought you wanted to break up
(12:59AM) Mark: no I don’t want to what the fuck
(12:59AM) You: so we’re good now right?
-Day 51
Soft melodies were playing in the background while the both of you were doing different things.
You were sitting on your chair, your elbows pressing painfully against your desk, working on your homework diligently. Your phone was perched on your lamp, making sure Mark could see your face.
Your boyfriend was laying on his bed with a notebook laying in front of him, a pen in his hand while he thought of lyrics. He had his legs swinging back and forth behind him cutely.
You exhale loudly as you re-read the same question over and over again.
Mark immediately looks up, “you okay?”
You hum without even looking at him before you continued doing your work.
Mark decides to leave you alone as to not distract you. He rests his cheek against his arm as he tries to think of another sentence to finish the song he was working on.
His eyes slowly dart towards you who had their eyebrows furrowed cutely, a pout plastered on your lips, baby hairs littering against your forehead and cheeks.
Without even realising, a small smile spreads across Mark’s lips. His breath slows down as he relaxed and stares at your figure.
Multiple sentences that could be used as lyrics flooded through his head. He quickly sits up to write the flood of inspiration that was bursting through his veins.
-Day 43
(2:53AM) boyfie: duuudee!!
(2:53AM) boyfie: vlive!!
(2:53AM) boyfie: quick!!!!!
(3:15AM) You: omg ok give me a sec
(3:15AM) You: I just woke up
With a yawn, you open the vlive app and click on the NCT127 page to enter the live your boyfriend was doing.
‘Hi’ you type in the comment section. You stare at your boyfriend, scanning his facial expression to notice your comment.
Exactly 5 seconds later, a huge grin spreads across his lips as he looks up at the camera to wave.
It eased you to know that he was waving at you, for you. Maybe you were being selfish, but you were glad that Mark was yours. Although it does get on your nerves when you see your friends post about how much he loves your boyfriend.
‘mark is so handsome’ you typed.
Unfortunately, Mark didn’t notice your comment, but Donghyuck did. Donghyuck nudges your boyfriend, who immediately responded, turning to look at him.
His friend showed him your comment, which your boyfriend immediately smiles to.
‘I love mark lee so much!!!’
A few seconds later Mark creates a small heart at the camera before looking away with crimson red cheeks.
-Day 38
“So you and Mina, huh?” you say bitterly, rolling your eyes.
You were referring to the interaction between the two when Mina was leaving music bank. You might’ve been slightly jealous of the chemistry between the two, especially when all the fans would ship the both of them.
Mark can only watch you in amusement, a small smile playing along his lips.
“Is she better than me?” you say sarcastically, clicking your tongue,
You envied their friendship. Someone who was merely a friend was able to see your boyfriend so easily.
His face softens, “you know she’s not like that, baby,” his tone was soft, easy to persuade you.
Baby. You wanted to scoff at that. He only used that term when he was trying to win your heart.
You huff, crossing your arms violently. “You’re always with her!”
He chuckles, looking down at his phone before looking back up at you quickly.
You pout at the boy through the screen, “you love me more, right Mark?”
He sarcastically rolls his at your question. What kind of question was that?
His face scrunches in disgust, “Firstly, I don’t even love Mina that way, babe,” he tells you, “and secondly, the only person I love you, alright? So stop being jealous you wimp.”
“Wimp?” you scoff, “and you’re my boyfriend?”
“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?”
Just as you were about to respond to him, your phone vibrated with a notification. You look down and gaped.
_happiness_o wants to send you a message.
“Mark…”
You unlocked your phone to see the message that Mina was trying to send you.
“You told her?!” you exclaimed, looking up at your boyfriend who was stifling his laughter. “Mark! Why would you do that?!” you whine, throwing your phone next to you.
“In my defence, I didn’t tell her to send you a text,” he says, “I was just talking about how cute you were being!”
-Day 22
You were laying on your side, deep in a slumber while Mark stares at you lovingly.
Your cheek pressed cutely against your pillow which made your lips pout cutely. The little pieces of hair adorning your temples and cheeks only made Mark want to push it back against your ear. Something he would do every time you were sleeping with him.
He suddenly got an idea and fishes out his phone, searching a filter that he had saved for this particular moment.
He clicks on the filter, waiting for it to load for a moment, before adjusting the angle so the filter could scan his face properly. Once he was sure it won’t budge, he presses record.
‘your soulmate is sleeping right now’
A sad smile adorns his lips, looking at you through the screen. He flips the camera, zooming into your sleeping form then ending the video.
Mark was quite hesitant to post it since he was never the type to post about his relationship with you. But these past few days has been hitting him differently.
He missed you so much, he swore he could go crazy. He had spent another unreasonable amount on you again. He couldn’t even sleep because you were always stuck on his mind.
He bit his lip anxiously before posting the video on his Instagram story. He noticed how your phone vibrated right when it was uploaded— you had his notifications on.
-Day 15
“So it’s gonna be forever~” you sing loudly, pointing your hairbrush to Mark who was laughing loudly through the screen.
“Or it’s gonna go down in flames…” he sings off tune.
While you were busy singing and dancing from all Taylor Swift’s song, Mark had stealthily recorded you with his phone to upload them on his private Instagram.
‘idiot. But my idiot’ he captioned before tagging you and posting it on his page.
“Sing with me, Mark!” you shout, looking at your boyfriend. “Cherry lips, crystal skies, I could show you incredible things,” you sang, pointing at Mark.
Your boyfriend blushes when he realizes you were singing to him.
You cough loudly before clearing your throat after blaring out lyrics to Taylor swift. You reach for your cup of water before gulping it down.
“What song should we sing to next?” you ask, scrolling down through you and Mark’s playlist. The both of you had shared one account ever since he found out the both of you shared the same music taste.
“Should we do a rap?” he suggests.
You smirk up at him, “oooh, because you’re a rapper, huh? Okay, okay.”
You thumb press on ‘Beauty and a Beat’ by Justin Bieber and Nicki Minaj.
“I’m a better rapper than you, Mark Lee,” you shout at your boyfriend before rapping to Nicki Minaj’s part.
It was so adorable at how you stumbled over some words, or when you had your eyebrows furrowed trying to rap to the lyrics.
At this moment, Mark thought you were the most beautiful girl in the world. You had your hair tied up in the ugliest bun he has ever seen, but you looked so adorable, especially in the huge t-shirt you were wearing. But most importantly, the huge grin plastered on your lips and tint of red adorning your cheeks, puts a smile on Mark’s face.
Right when the song has ended, you let out a tired sigh, lying against your bed.
“Am I better than you, Markie?”
He bit back a smile and nodded, “you should replace me in NCT, babe,”
You pretend to think, “I should, shouldn’t I?”
-Day 7
You were talking about Mark about your friend who had pissed you off earlier today.
He shrugs, “honestly, I saw that coming. I never liked her,”
You groan, throwing your head back, “I know right,” you stress, “I should’ve listened to you,”
Mark rests his cheek against his palm, “so what are you going to do?”
You pout, “I don’t know. What should I do, Mark?”
Your boyfriend hums, thinking for a while, “I think it’s best if you cut her off. She doesn’t deserve you, babe.”
You let out an aspirated sigh, frowning. “she was just a close friend…” you trailed off sadly.
“I know, baby,” he coos, “but your mental health is important too.”
Your eyes widen cutely, “I love you,”
That caught your boyfriend off-guard, his eyes widen in awe. “w-what, don’t be weird!” he sputters out.
“You’re weird!” you bite back.
-Day 3
“Mark,” you call out, your boyfriend immediately humming. “I learnt a new tiktok dance,”
He raises his eyebrows. He has never downloaded Tiktok but he knows how much you love the app. Most of the time the both of you were calling, you would be scrolling through the app, sending him links of videos that you found funny.
It was a secret: Mark never actually watches the video. But you do not need to know that.
“Show me, baby,”
You stood up, adjusting your laptop in a decent position. You reach for your phone to play the music before you started dancing.
Mark recognized the song as Savage. It was a song that Taeyong would constantly play.
Your boyfriend’s eyes widen in bewilderment, amazed at how good you were at dancing.
“Woah, woah,” he gapes when you started throwing back.
When the song ended, you ambled towards your laptop, “how was it? Was I good? Was I as good as Taeyong and Johnny?”
He rolls his eyes at that, “do you do it to other people?”
“What?”
“The throwing back thing,”
Ah. He was jealous.
You shrug, looking away from his intense gaze, “I don’t know. I was planning to ask some of my friends about their opinion.”
“Y/N,” he says sternly.
“I was joking! Jeez. You’re such a party pooper.”
-Day 2
You laid on your side, your arm supporting your head. A movie was playing on your laptop screen but you could only stare at Mark’s face.
He was busy laughing at one of the scenes but you couldn’t focus from his handsome face.
He was wearing the ugly black glasses that he chose a few weeks ago, but he still looked so good in your eyes. His black hair was styled messily from laying around.
“Babe, are you watching?” his eyes widen cutely after sensing how quiet you were being.
“I am,” you mumble out, but your eyes never leaved your boyfriend’s screen.
“Okay,” he whispers, resting his body as he continued watching the movie that was played on the screen.
At this moment in time, you wanted to tell Mark how much you love him. You wanted to smother him in kisses.
“Mark,” you called. You realise how he had paused the movie that was playing to listen to you. “I love you,” you tell him.
Mark was frozen for a second, confused yet flustered by your sudden confusion. He smirks, playing the movie, “weirdo. I love you too, you cutie.”
-Day 1
(11:01PM) bub: babyyyy hiiiii
(11:01PM) bub: wanna call ;)
(11:05PM) bub: hello why r u not replying
(11:05PM) bub: it’s only 11 there
(11:10PM) bub: I know youre not asleep babe
(11:10PM) bub: arghhh
(11:10PM) bub: are you asleep????
(11:10PM) bub: :(
(11:10PM) bub: well ok gn bb I’ll talk to you tmr
(11:10PM) bub: love youuuu
D-DAY
You were laying on Mark’s bed restlessly, waiting for your boyfriend to reach his dorm. When you heard the door unlock, a grin spread across your lips when you saw your boyfriend walk in.
“Hi Mark,” you greet, waving at your boyfriend.
Mark looks up at you and nods, “hi y/n,” he says back before turning the other way to go to the bathroom.
You bit back a smile quietly, giving him a minute to realise. You quietly stood up by the bed to amble towards your boyfriend.
“Wait,” he pauses, turning around slowly, his eyes widening at the sight of you walking up to him, “w-what? Is this real? y/n?”
You smile at him, spreading your arms, waiting for him to tackle you in a hug. “I’m here, baby.”
“Oh my god,” he breathes out before rushing towards you to pull you against his chest. “You’re here, oh my god,”
You rest your head on his chest, wrapping your arms tightly around his waist. You’ve missed the moment for so long. For more than 3 months, you had to live without Mark’s presence.
He pulls you away, his hand gripping your shoulder tightly. “How— what are you doing here?!” he exclaims.
Your cheeks were hurting from smiling so much, “to see you, of course!”
“You surprised me!” he exclaims, pulling you in for another hug, “oh my god, you scared me so much, I love you so much. When did you get here? You didn’t answer my texts yesterday!”
“I love you too and I was in the plane, I couldn’t text you back,” you reply, however your voice was muffled by the black cotton shirt he was wearing. You pull away, looking up at him, “are you not going to kiss me?” you asked abruptly.
He looks down at you with wide eyes, “w-what. That is so sudden, don’t say that!” he stutters out, looking away from you.
You pout at him, wrapping your arms around his neck, “what? I came all the way here, didn’t get enough sleep just to see my boyfriend but he won’t kiss me?”
He scowls at you, his arm dropping to rest around your waist. He leans down to connect both your lips. You felt your heart spark when you felt his lips graze against yours.
You didn’t even realise you were pulling him down even more to kiss him deeper. Mark’s grip on your waist tightened, pulling you even closer.
“Ah, the kids have finally met,” you heard someone say from behind you two.
Mark and you pull away breathlessly, his lips tinted a bright shiny red. The both of you turn around to see Taeil standing at the door.
Your boyfriend whines, “Go away, Hyung,”
#mark#mark lee#mark lee scenarios#mark lee drabbles#mark lee imagines#mark lee angst#mark lee fluff#mark lee smut#nct#nct127#nct dream#superm#wayv#nct scenarios#nct imagines#nct drabbles#nct angst#nct fluff#nct smut#scenarios#drabbles#imagines#angst#fluff#smut
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13 Years | 4 Weeks
honestly, I dont know which of the two have been longer in my life.
so recently I ended a 13 year long relationship with the guy I've been dating since my freshman year of high school. it took me this long to understand, acknowledge, and accept the relationship was emotionally (and borderline physically) abusive and thanks two my two best friends and a very nice therapist I asked him to move out.
I thought the overwhelming life style change would be the hardest. I haven't been alone since I was 14 and it took me a long time to build up the courage to end things because I am terrified of change and had little to no idea what to do without him. to my surprise I've adapted to being alone pretty well. the loneliness does get to me sometimes - I miss those moments we had where we could have a conversation without speaking. I miss over a decade’s worth of inside jokes, and it still hurts when I see something and instantly think of him cause it was our thing.
its a daily struggle to remind myself why I did this because its frighteningly easy to minimize the damage he did when he’s not here to do it every day. the gaslighting and emotional manipulation isn't something that just switches off or diminishes with distance. somehow, in some super shitty, unfair way, it gets worse. because im left alone with my thoughts that he’s managed to turn against me and they’re still working angles for him that catch me off-guard sometimes. I still battle with guilt for making him move out, because I feel terrible that now he’s stuck living with his mom and all his things are in boxes. and I hate that it’s gonna take a long time for that to go away.
but I digress. because all of that isn’t the hardest part. the hardest part is getting him the fuck out of this apartment. we 'ended things’ April 5th. there are quotes around that because we haven’t officially broken up. like, I told him I needed a break till he gets his shit together, and he’s all but moved out, but I haven’t even changed our relationship status on Facebook (yay, guilt!) and we haven't really agreed that we’re broken up. Jesus, again I digress. ANYWAYS. I knew it was gonna be a process to move him out because our lives are so intertwined that we’ve had to go through rooms and drawers and boxes one by one separating our shit. and this process has been fucking agonizing because he is dragging his goddamn feet.
Initially I thought we were gonna bang this out in a weekend, get all the shit out and be done. A month later, and there’s still a pile of his shit at the top of the stairs, a handful of things in the corner of the living room (including the giant china cabinet filled with his things) and his grandmother’s dishes in my cupboards. but that’s a post for another day. because right now im just gonna vent about him taking his sweet ass time, being insanely petty, and still somehow fucking manipulating me when he doesn’t even live here anymore.
honestly the pettiness and inconsideration for my own time and requests is the biggest thing that’s getting to me, what’s driving me to write this. most of the time he’s been here for his shit, his mom’s been with him, and I was chalking up a lot of the pettiness to her. because he’d be here to get the things from the living room, and hours after they'd left I’d notice small things had been taken from other parts of the house. now some of the stuff he’s taken was his, just something I was using with him that I’d assumed he’d at least mention he was taking. im a lot of things, but selfish isn’t one of them and honestly unless it’s something from my family or something that I bought that was expensive, I don’t care. he can have it. It’s more the fact that, when I need something all of a sudden I cant find it and realize he took it.
like, his nana’s pots and pans. They’re a really nice set his mom let us have and I fully expected them gone. my only request was that he give me a heads up so I could go out and get my own set when he planned to take them because with them gone, all I’d have left is a few frying pans. This is our conversation from that weekend:
This was Saturday afternoon. He never told me he wasn’t going to come by Saturday, and gave me a 15 minute heads up he was on his way over on Sunday - which did me no good because I wasn’t even home. That meant I couldn’t clean out the dressers (I didnt want to do it until the day he was going to get them because I would have to leave my clothes on the bed until I could get my own dresser from my parent’s house once his were gone). When I got home, all of my clothes were thrown on my bed and the ground.I had to rewash a bunch of shit, refold everything, and then clean the entire room from the mess that was made.
fucking on top of that, his mom decided to take the pots and pans. I’d specifically asked him Saturday because I was going to Walmart and could have bought a new set for myself while there. I didn't want to buy them until I needed to because I’m trying to save money and didn’t get paid that weekend, so I figured if he’s not taking them I don’t need to get things until I get paid next weekend. Wrong. I had to go out that night again and get a set because, as I said, all I had were 3 frying pans and a skillet thing. Oddly enough, she didn’t take the dishes. They were her mom’s, just like the pots and pans, and for some reason she didn’t want them... don’t worry, I already plan to pack them up this weekend and give them back because lord knows what’ll happen if I dont and she decides she wants them six years from now.
honestly though the biggest level of petty was the Tylenol PM. I know, it’s not a big deal. But it’s just one of those little things that I stopped and was like, are you fucking kidding me. I noticed that, after taking his bed and dressers, the pack of tissues he’d got us from Sam’s was gone. Again, he bought them, whatever. would’ve been nice for him to tell me so I had a heads up to fucking get them when I was at Walmart but whatever. he also took a 6-pack of toilet paper he’d gotten literally the day we ended things (because he’d gone to king Soopers with his mother instead of talking to me about the fight we’d had) and he’d initially told me to keep it, it was for me anyways. I noticed just last weekend it was gone.
but the fucking Tylenol PM. I'm not one to buy brand name medicine. if I can get store brand, I will. Almost all my medicine is store brand except that Tylenol PM because I was really sick one year and wanted the good stuff. Y’all know how expensive Tylenol is. I sprang for it, and I used it sparingly because I didnt want to have to buy more if I didn’t really need it. Well, two weekends ago I fell down a fucking mountain. I was running a trail down a mountain, tripped, flew through the air, and landed on my shoulder and kneecap. It still hurts, and that day I was in a lot of pain. The regular Tylenol and Ibuprofen that I’d been switching back and forth with all day just wasn’t doing the trick and I was like, okay. this is a Tylenol PM kind of pain. That night, right before bed, I went to grab it from the bathroom cabinet.
it was gone. the rest of my medicines, the store brand acetaminophen and store brand ibuprofen, those were still there, but the Tylenol PM was gone. It has exclusively only lived either on the dresser/nightstand in the bedroom, or the bathroom cabinet. as he took the dresser and nightstand, and it wasn’t in the cabinet, it had been taken. I cannot tell you how livid I was. it still pisses me off. because of all the things to take he took that. Not the rest of his bathroom shit, not even all his shit from the bedroom. but he took the Tylenol PM. I even asked if he knew where it might be - thinking he’d come across it at some point. he told me “it’s always been in the linen closet” where the rest of our medicines are. It was never there, but I checked the entire closet just in case - nothing. Again, I know it’s small. it’s just a bottle of pills. but it’s the whole damn thought behind it.
there’s more things too - the fact that no, he doesn’t take all his things from a certain room, and I have to then box the rest of his shit up, move it out of my way, and clean the room that he trashed.
It’s the fact that 90% of the things on our walls were his (which helps show me how little say I had on my own things in the apartment I exclusively pay for) and now that he’s taken them, he’s left the walls, hooks, and nails behind. most of them are up way above my head - he needed a ladder to put them in - and now they’re littered all over the wall. today, as he worked to get the shit from our front bedroom (hopefully the last things he’ll need to get) I asked him if he could also get the nails and hooks out of the wall because I can’t reach them. he asked me, “did you try using the step-ladder?”. I answered no, and he simply said, “that should work then”. Like, no. you put those up, so you could display all the things of yours YOU wanted to display (3 out of 4 walls in the room were covered with his things) and now he can’t even take the tacks down even though he took the hangings down.
and then of course, it’s the fact that he just leaves a mess in his wake. when he first moved things out of the living room it was a mess. I spent hours rearranging shit, packing up the rest of his shit that he left behind, and then cleaning up everything because I still have to live here. it was the same with the bedroom. and now it’s gonna be the same thing with the front room. I told him today that everything needs to be out by next weekend because I can’t do this every weekend. He asked what I meant by ‘this’ and explained that I was tired of having to clean up everything that got messed up. He told me simply “it’s not being destroyed. I’m just taking my things”. At the moment the entire room was in shambles, everything askew from him digging his things out and leaving my stuff lying in piles. It’s cleaned up now - save the pile of boxes and junk at the top of the stairs - but I told him I have to clean up the mess that’s left behind. He didn’t have an answer for that.
Honestly there’s really not a point to this. I’m just pissed, I’m annoyed, and I’m angry, and I’m sad. I’m just tired. And I wanted to vent. So if you stuck with me through this, I wanna thank you for listening. I appreciate being heard, because I haven’t been for so long. your time means a lot to me.
#abuse#emotional abuse#physical abuse#mental abuse#gaslighting#manipulation#breakup#ending a relationship#thoughts#rant
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Chapter 2
Ok so I know you read the beginning of this and wondering how in the hell did I get myself here. I'm twenty-three years old, with two degrees, a dream job at DDC House Design, the top interior design house on the east coast and I am officially 6 weeks pregnant. Well I am going to have to take you back to about 8 months ago when I stepped out on a dream and chased it all the way to New York City.
"Congratulations Sloane Taylor,
This letter is to thank you and to acknowledge of your offer of employment to join the staff of DDC House of Designs with an entry level salary of $176,000. We feel it would be out mutual advantage to advance our final decision. Will contact you via email to advise you of your employment packet.
Sincerely, DDC House Designs
"OOOOMMMMGGGGG, Mommy come her look! Omg look at this email!"
"What is it Sloane you are calling my name like you crazy."
""Look mom I got the designing job in New York?"
"Wow that’s great baby girl I'm so proud of you." My mother said with conviction,
I looked up at my mother that had a sweet and sour look on her face when she heard me say New York.
"Ok mom please don’t ruin this moment with that look ok New York is not that far away.
"I know honey but its far enough and you don’t have any family up there. "
See my mother in my eyes is being her usual over protective self at the mention of me going somewhere that isn't Greensboro, North Carolina. I've been here my entire life and I can't wait to leave. Nobody here has hope or dreams of anything outside of those city lines. Don’t get me wrong I love my hometown and I am proud of where I come from, but I want to see the world. I graduated college last year from North Carolina A&T with my Bachelors in Business and a Minor in Art since of course my mother would have had a heart attack if I would have gone out of state. Hell, I think she might have had a minor stroke if I went to East Carolina University, so I didn’t even test the limits. I am by far not a small-town girl but I hold my values. Most of the girls I graduated out of high school have kids now including my best friend Amina Walton who I have known since kindergarten. We met on the first day when she asked me to push her on the swing on the playground and now we have been inseparable ever since. She had her daughter Skylar our freshman year in college and I love her to the moon and back but I know for sure I am nowhere near ready to be a mom.
Mommy, I can take care of myself I am an adult and plus I have done everything you have ever asked of me. I stayed in Greensboro longer than I had planned on it. It is way past time for me to travel and leave."
"I understand Sloane, but what are you going to do it something goes wrong or you need something."
"then I will call home and ask. Mom you have to learn to let me go you are starting to smother me and I am an adult. I love you I really do but I am taking this job,"
I had to put on my firm voice but I know I was hurting her feelings by saying that. It has been me and my mom for years after my dad died and she couldn’t help but hold me close. I can't really blame her though she really stepped up and played both roles perfectly to win an Oscar.
"well what are they offering you to have you move so far?"
"they are paying my rent for my apartment, full benefit coverage, paid vacations and all holidays off. Come on mom, it is no way I am going to ever find a job like that here."
"ok ok Sloane. When do you have to leave after you accept the job?"
"Two-weeks..."
"two weeks! That is too soon how will you pack and get all of your things there in time?"
"they are sending movers mom, everything will be fine.
I was so excited I couldn’t contain myself while she was in my room. Once I finally got her to see things through my eyes she walked out my room. I closed the door and let out a silent scream. I count help it. It felt like such a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I am leaving this place behind and not looking back.
Two weeks flew by I couldn’t believe my whole life was packed into 30 cardboard boxes and I was counting the hours to load them in a moving truck. I didn’t think I was going to be this sad to leave when I made the call and accepted the position. Amina through me a huge going away party last night and it seemed like the entire city came out to see me off. Including my ex Zayvion.
We dated for 3 years and I learned everything I don’t deserve in a relationship. I know what you thinking and no he didn’t cheat on me but let's just say college can really change people. Everything was perfect in that honey moon phase but after he crossed and pledged Omega Psi Phi Fraternity Inc. Secrets pushed us apart and turned us against each other. I didn’t expect to see him there and I know Amina didn’t invite him so of course he heard through the grapevine that I was leaving. Everybody loved us together being that we were the "black Love Lives" couple of the century. I can't deny he was fine for sure 6"4, golden peanut butter skin, full pink lips and chocolate brown curls. With a smile that made me melt and eyes to steal my soul. Who could turn him down? At one point I never thought I could. Not to mention his dick game was powerful I swear that’s how he pledged on line. Freshman and Sophomore year, I had a nice size four body, but Junior and Senior year I filled out in everything. My body couldn’t lie that he wasn’t putting it down before dorm curfew and the whole campus could see it.
He approached me with that suave walk and pearly white smile smashed across his face. I got a little weak at the knees as I watched him approach me from across the back yard. All my girls giggling behind me talking about "girl here he come" "mmm you sure you wanna leave that behind" "girl he so damn fine". I rolled my eyes at all of them, "look yall need to calm down and play it cool nobody is thinking about that boy." But on the inside my heart was racing. He walked up and said " what's up yall?" His voice rang in my ears so vibrant sending me to reminisce when he would whisper in my ear with my legs up on his shoulders and he hitting my spot just right. Damn I missed that feeling. My pussy started tingling and the thought of his hands rubbing down my thighs to spread my legs.
"Sloane you good? "
I snapped out my daydream, "yeah I'm good, what are you doing here?"
"I heard Kiwan talking about it and I was surprised that I didn’t get an invitation so I thought I would make a surprise appearance. "
"well I didn’t make the guest list so I hope your feelings weren't too hurt."
"A little bit, but it's nothing a hug can't fix though," he shrugged his shoulders and held his arms out and open for me.
It couldn't hurt just to hug him right? I contemplated at first then I just gave in and stepped in for the hug. His Prada cologne hit my nose and mesmerized me. His chest was thick and muscular. I could feel in his back where he had been hitting the gym and it was doing his justice.
"awwww look at my favorite couple." I hear coming from behind him a familiar voice. Zayvion's best friend and line brother Kiwan. He was cool and about the only friend he had that I actually liked.
"shut up you are so annoying"
"don’t do me like that friend, you know im always going to team Sloane and Zay"
"Shut up bro " Zay laughed and nudged Kiwan. "you play too much"
"ok when yall stop frontin' let me know. Speaking of frontin whats up Amina you not gonna speak ? "
" Boy bye no im not speaking to you." Amina gave him the hand and walked off. Kiwan always had a thing for Amina since sophomore year and she tried everything to turn him away but I know on the low she had a little flutter for him. All it took was when she mentioned she had a daughter and he instantly got excited and said he would love to meet her one day. It definitely took Amina by surprise most guys take off at the mention of a kid but he held his own.
"Bro when are you just going to let that go man?" Zay always joked him for how Amina loved to give him the cold shoulder.
"Never bruh, you don’t understand we got a thing its just on the low."
We all burst out laughing and everything felt like old times. In that moment my heart felt a little heavy. Am I really going to leave all of this behind. My friends and family for the big city? I wanted to say im staying but I knew It was just in the moment and when I got there it would all fade away.
*Alarm rings
I woke up not realizing that I had fallen asleep in the middle of my day dreams. Today was the day. I reached over to turn off my alarm and my notification list was longer than usual. I scrolled down and saw Amina, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, Daily Quotes and to my surprise Zayvion. My eye widened and I didnt even think he still had my number. I didn’t want to open his message to make it seem like I missed him or was pressed to see what he said so I just went to answer Amina. She said she was on her way to help me load the moving truck so I needed to get up and shower.
Im going over my check list to make sure I got everything to load up as I see her pull up in her red Volkswagen Jetta. I didn’t even have to turn around to know it was her because I could hear the 90s r&b playlist bumping from down the street. The car doors closed and I heard my little angel Skylar's voice call out for me " Auntie!" I dropped my notepad and swept her up in my arms for a huge hug. She has gotten so big so fast and I cant believe I am about to leave her. I have been there since day one and in the delivery room when she was born.
She hugged my neck so tight then pulled back and asked "auntie why is all of your stuff in that big truck where are you going?"
I wanted to lie and say no where without you but I couldn’t. "auntie is moving to new york remember for her big girl job." She just smiled back at me and said "well are you going to visit me and mommy because we are going to miss you."
"of course pumpkin and you and mommy are going to come visit me on the airplane right?"
"yes" she squealed. "good now go see meme she has cookies." I put her down on her feet and she took off running into the house. Amina walked up behind her and hugged me which is something she never does.
"what is wrong with you, im not dying" I said.
"what do you mean you are not dying?" She look confused at what I asked her.
"uhm you are hugging me like im dying tomorrow not moving away."
"well you might as well be! We have spent every day of our lives together since kindergarten, what am I going to do now that you have out grown this place?"
"well you know you can always move there too eventually, they need nurses in every state."
"yeah I know but I have Skylar and I don’t really want to take her from my mom."
"you cant limit your self because of other people Mina." I always wanted so much more for Amina. She had potential to be so much more than she allowed herself to step out of her comfort zone to be. We were similar but our differences made us great friends.
"girl are you sure you are ready to move like what is going to be the first thing you do when you get there?"
"shit find the nearest Junior's Cheesecake and walk the Brooklyn Bridge." We burst out laughing but I couldn’t be more serious.
"how did it feel seeing Zayvion last night? I had no idea he was going to show up even though the whole city was In that shit. We was lit for sure."
"yeah It was super awkward and intense at first and it felt like old times." Speaking of Zay I totally forgot he had texted me this morning. "He texted me this morning and I didn’t think he would remember my number."
"why wouldn’t he? Bestfriend now you know that boy still love you and he know he fucked up."
"to bad that was not my problem then and its not now. He shoudnt be trying to press me now its been a whole year since we broke up and he wants to wait until the day before I leave to reach out? No thank you ill pass." I rolled my eyes and went to grab some boxes. It was no need for me to text back now.
We loaded the truck in a matter of 2 hours and nothing was left but my suitcase and backpack for my flight in the morning. My mom had to work but she would be off intima to take me to the airport. Amina and Skylar stayed over for one of our famous living room sleepovers.
"You know your going to be ordering out every night when you get there because you cant cook?" She laughed trying to joke will she made all my sleepover favorites.
"shut up I can cook enough to survive! Plus that’s what restaurants are for to order out of."
"yeah but your going to miss this home cooking believe it or not because you know I can burn." Amina was the perfect wife and mom type. She had all the qualities not to mention she was beautiful. Milk cocoa brown skin, full curly natural hair that she passed on to Sky and she was 5"4 slim thick thick for sure.
"yeah I am, you spoil me bestie. Thanks for everything!" I smiled at her and she just smiled back because she wasn’t the sentimental type but I know a tear filled her eye on that one. She finished cooking and we turned on the black Cinderella with Brandy and Whitney Houston our favorite movie. Amina was sleep first as usual then sky and me. My mom came in and woke us up in time to get ready for me to catch my flight. We parked the car in the departure parking lot and they walked me to my gate. I hugged Amina and Sky trying to hold back tears. Then my mom who was wiping her eyes quickly so I wouldn’t see her crying.
"oh mommy its ok don’t cry. I am going to facetime you as soon as I land."
"I love you Sloane be safe ok?"
"I love you too mommy!"
*now boarding flight 5477 to New York City at Gate 4*
"that’s me guys! I will call as soon as I land." I picked up my bag and walked to my gate. Handing my ticket over to the flight attendant I took one last look back at them waving bye to me I waved back walked through the doors. I found my seat and adjusted myself for the take off. I had a window seat so I could see the airplane wing. I took a hug deep breath and settled my nerves. This was the start of a new beginning and the plane started rolling.
#fan fic writing#fan fiction#fantasy#aiyanna lewis#lucas coly#willgotthajuice#goldjuice#youtube#instagram
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Unusual Asks? ANSWERED!
1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?
Spotify.
2. is your room messy or clean?
Um… messy…
3. what color are your eyes?
Blue
4. do you like your name? why?
I like it because I feel it suits me. I look and feel like a Helen
5. what is your relationship status?
Marriaged!
6. describe your personality in 3 words or less
Forceful, pleasant, jovial
7. what color hair do you have?
Blonde
8. what kind of car do you drive? color?
A crapbox, that is red
9. where do you shop?
At a shop, or on the internet.
10. how would you describe your style?
Non-existent mostly.
11. favorite social media account
Social media bugs me greatly. But I do like Tumblr.
12. what size bed do you have?
The biggest I can get because I am massive
13. any siblings?
Yes two.
14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?
Probably Australia because its warm and they have some great proper 4x4’s there.
15. favorite snapchat filter?
Geofilter I think
16. favorite makeup brand(s)
Max factor
17. how many times a week do you shower?
7 at least.
18. favorite tv show?
Game of Thrones
19. shoe size?
12 (13 in US size) I have Acromegaly.
20. how tall are you?
6 foot 7 (I had Acromegaly as a child, aka… Gigantism.)
21. sandals or sneakers?
Sneakers because I really don’t like people seeing my huge feet.
22. do you go to the gym?
4 times a week.
23. describe your dream date
Going to a great film followed up by bowling and possibly a nightcap.
24. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?
I have a purse not a wallet.
25. what color socks are you wearing?
Black
26. how many pillows do you sleep with?
Just one
27. do you have a job? what do you do?
Im a mathematician and I work on complex theoretical and algebraic problems at university level.
28. how many friends do you have?
4 or 5 really good ones.
29. whats the worst thing you have ever done?
Lied over money
30. whats your favorite candle scent?
Vanilla
31. 3 favorite boy names
Kane, Gregory, and Hugo.
32. 3 favorite girl names
Penelope, Marie, and Elaine.
33. favorite actor?
Samuel L Jackson motherf****r!
34. favorite actress?
Melissa McCarthy.
35. who is your celebrity crush?
Mark Ruffalo.
36. favorite movie?
This changes, literally weekly….
37. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?
I don’t read enough. 1984 by George Orwell is probably one of my all time faves.
38. money or brains?
Brains, as you can use brains to earn money.
39. do you have a nickname? what is it?
“Giganta.”
40. how many times have you been to the hospital?
Lost count! I have a season ticket almost for my pituitary check ups.
41. top 10 favorite songs
I get around – beach boys.
Iris – Goo Goo Dolls
What makes you beautiful – One direction
Right round – Flo Rida
Keep on loving you – Reo Speedwagon.
Manicure – Lady Gaga
Broadway – Goo goo dolls again.
Pray To God – Haim
Duel of the Fates – John Williams (not a song, but… meh its good!)
Oh Boy! – Buddy Holly
42. do you take any medications daily?
Yes, anti-growth hormone tabs!
I used to take medication for Ulcerative Colitis.
43. what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)
Bit oily, due to the Acromegaly again.
44. what is your biggest fear?
Not going to answer this one. I don’t even want to see it in print.
45. how many kids do you want?
Three
46. whats your go to hair style?
Just down usually
47. what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)
Medium sized, not too big not too small. Nice garden and a place to park the car
48. who is your role model?
Don’t have one these days, role models tend to let you down.
49. what was the last compliment you received?
I was told that I did very good work just a few hours ago.
50. what was the last text you sent?
“The drive in the chevy was interesting, love you xx”
51. how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?
About 5.
52. what is your dream car?
Range Rover Sport with supercharged V8 510HP engine.
53. opinion on smoking?
I used to think poorly of it! I started smoking 3 years ago when I was 27 ish… I don’t smoke much, maybe just 3 to 5 cigs a day on average, some days I don’t smoke at all, other days, as much as 8 or 9.
54. do you go to college?
I work at one!
55. what is your dream job?
Am currently doing it!
56. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?
Suburbs, I need decent broadband.
57. do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?
Not intentionally, but sometimes in a packing frenzy, you know how it is everything gets chucked in.
58. do you have freckles?
No.
59. do you smile for pictures?
I do yes, not sure if smiling makes me look better or not.
60. how many pictures do you have on your phone?
About 80, had a deletion fest the other day!
61. have you ever peed in the woods?
I have.
62. do you still watch cartoons?
I do!!
63. do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?
Yuck. I would rather eat a box of mud.
64. Favorite dipping sauce?
Mayo!
65. what do you wear to bed?
PJ’s in winter, a nightie in summer.
66. have you ever won a spelling bee?
Im afraid not.
67. what are your hobbies?
I like playing video games, I am a keen cook and love to cook and create new dishes. I am a bit of a car buff so I like to do that as well.
68. can you draw?
Stickmen count as drawing right?
69. do you play an instrument?
I don’t sadly.
70. what was the last concert you saw?
I avoid going to them as I hate crowds.
71. tea or coffee?
Coffee
72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?
Starbucks
73. do you want to get married?
Already am
74. what is your crush’s first and last initial?
Don’t have a crush, am married.
75. are you going to change your last name when you get married?
I did
76. what color looks best on you?
Black is good on me, so is blue I do look ok in blue
77. do you miss anyone right now?
Not right now.
78. do you sleep with your door open or closed?
Open
79. do you believe in ghosts?
For somebody who deals with facts and figures I struggle a lot with belief as such, but yeah, I do believe in spirits and ghosts and such. Throughout history there is a lot of compelling evidence for their existence.
80. what is your biggest pet peeve?
Anti-smoking comments. I get a LOT of these being a late starter and it annoys the heck out of me. Especially as it was desperation for relief from ulcerative colitis that led me to start!
81. last person you called`
My boss
82. favorite ice cream flavor?
Vanilla
83. regular oreos or golden oreos?
Regular
84. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?
Rainbow, I love lots of colour.
85. what shirt are you wearing?
Not wearing a shirt.
86. what is your phone background?
Just a random picture that changes everyday, might be a picture of my hub, or maybe a picture of us on holiday, changes constantly.
87. are you outgoing or shy?
Id say outgoing.
88. do you like it when people play with your hair?
Sometimes yes.
89. do you like your neighbors?
Mostly, but we can get a lot of noise sometimes.
90. do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?
At night.
91. have you ever been high?
I can honestly say I have not.
92. have you ever been drunk?
Many many many times.
93. last thing you ate?
Chocolate.
94. favorite lyrics right now
Can’t think of any.
95. summer or winter?
Summer
96. day or night?
Day
97. dark, milk, or white chocolate?
White chocolate.
98. favorite month?
July
99. what is your zodiac sign
Leo
100. who was the last person you cried in front of?
Other half.
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<1> Have you ever stood on a boulevard in the middle of the road and waved at random cars as they passed? Uh, no.
<2> Did they wave back? –
<3> Are you one of those annoying people that scream “No I will not have sex with you!” in the middle of the movie? Wtf. No.
<4> Do you have a headache? I had one last night that kind of comes and goes.
<5> Do you have cabin fever? No.
<6> Are you doing spring cleaning? No.
<7> Do you like the Offspring? “I’m just a sucker with no self-esteem...”
<8> Does your name have a W in it? No.
<9> Are you menstruating? No.
<10> Do you know what circumcision is? Yes.
<11> One pillow or two? I sleep with 2, but I have 5 on my bed.
<12> Last place you went in a car? Heading home from the mall yesterday.
<13> What color was the car? Brown.
<14> What are you wearing? Leggings and a gray shirt.
<15> How many bathrooms are in your house? 2.
<16> Fat Lip or In Too Deep? Fat Lip.
<17> Weirdest color you’ve painted a room in your house? All the rooms are just white.
<18> Is your hair wet? No.
<19> Who’s hotter, Josh Hartnett or Chad Michael Murray? I actually never really found either one attractive.
<20> Do you even know who Chad Michael Murray is? Clearly.
<21> What does your shower curtain look like? it’s a sliding door, not a curtain.
<22> What was the last thing you said? I asked my brother to bring in the pack of water from the garage.
<23> Are you talking to anyone on instant messenger? No.
<24> What do your slippers look like? i don’t wear slippers.
<25> Where do you keep your vacuum? In the garage.
<26> Are you wearing deodorant? Yeah.
<27> Are there any ceilings in your house that aren’t white? No.
<28> Do you like to go into chat rooms and annoy people? I haven’t been in a chat room since the early 2000′s.
<29> Who would you want to be stuck in an elevator with? I’d like to not be stuck in an elevator at all.
<30> Are you ghetto fabulous? No...
<31> Do you like stickers? Sure.
<32> Do you like Mad Libs? Sure. I haven’t played in years, though.
<33> Have you ever volunteered? Yeah, several times.
<34> Where is the nearest Kleenex box located? We don’t have one. I’d just use toilet paper.
<35> Don’t you hate school Kleenex? I remember it being very rough.
<37> Are you suicidal? No.
<38> Crawling or In The End? in the end. I like both, though. “Crawling in my skin, these wounds they will not heal...”
<39> Is your window open? Yeah. I have a window fan in it.
<40> What was the last pair of shoes you bought? I personally haven’t bought myself a pair of shoes in years. The shoes I’ve gotten over the years were from my parents.
<41> Do you have a little brother? I do.
<42> Does he draw you cute pictures? He’s 19.
<43> Do you have an older brother? Yes.
<44> Does he have hot friends? – I haven’t met his friends, actually.
<45> Where do your grandparents live? My paternal grandparents live in Arizona. My maternal grandparents have passed away.
<46> Do you have a rubber chicken? No.
<47> What do you think of when you hear the word click? That Adam Sandler movie.
<48> Are you a moron? Probably.
<49> Do you cut yourself? No.
<50> What do you do during study hall? I didn’t go to study hall.
<51> Does your school have open campus? I’m not in school anymore.
<52> What’s your favorite salad dressing? Ranch.
<53> Do you like trampolines? No.
<54> Do you like cheese? I love cheese.
<55> Which is better, tank tops, halter tops, tube tops or none of the above? Tank tops.
<56> Did you see American Pie 2? I think I’ve seen parts of it. Those aren’t my kind of my movies.
<57> Have you ever accidentally sucked something up in the vacuum? Yeah.
<58> Do you talk to Smarterchild? What?
<59> How old will you be in 30 years? Almost 60.
<60> Who will you be in the 30 years? I can’t think that far ahead.
<61> How will you dress in 30 years? How the hell am I supposed to know?
<62> Are you deaf? No.
<63> Are you blind? No.
<64> What do you think of depressed people? I’m one of ‘em.
<65> What are you eating? Nothing anymore. I just finished a Cup of Noodles.
<66> Last movie you rented? Infinity War.
<67> Last movie you saw in the theater? The latest Mission Impossible.
<68> Would you consider yourself sexy? Nooo.
<69> What is your pet’s name? Princess Leia. Either one for short.
<70> Have you ever made up a song to remember something for a test? Nah.
<71> Have you ever been to Canada? No, but I’d like to.
<72> Doesn’t it suck? No.
<73> Have you ever been to California? Born and raised.
<74> Have you ever been to Nebraska? No.
<75> Do you have braces? No.
<76> What color are they? –
<77> Who was the last person you talked to on IM? Probably Arynthya.
<78> Last thing you ate? Cup of Noodles.
<79> Is your hair straight, wavy, or curly? Wavy.
<80> What time is it? 1:12AM.
<81> What did you do today? So far I’ve only watched a YouTube video, checked out Facebook, ate, and now this.
<82> Cowdance.com or Hamsterdance.com? Never been to either one and I don’t care to.
<83> Are you a vegetarian? No.
<84> What’s your locker number? I don’t have a locker.
<85> What’s the combination? –
<86> Wanna make out? No.
<87> You guys want some cookies? Sure
<88> Are you comfy? I’m in some pain.
<89> Right now, who is all in your house? My parents, brother, doggo, and myself.
<90> Are you paranoid? Sometimes. I am now about something.
<91> Are you only filling this out to avoid doing your homework? I’m done with school.
<92> Do you like the name Jimmy? Not particularly.
<93> What do you think of when you hear the name Mark? Wahlberg.
<94> Kristin? Stewart.
<95> Zoe? Kravitz.
<96> Jamie? Lee Curtis.
<97> Adam? Sandler.
<98> Carmen? My aunt’s friend.
<99> Do you like Michelle Branch? I like a couple of her songs.
<100> Where would you like to be now? Right here in bed.
<101> Weirdest thing that happened to you recently? I don’t want to get into that.
<102> Craziest thing you did recently? Nothing.
<103> Do you have to pee? No, thanks for your concern.
<104> Do you like fluffy yogurts? Fluffy yogurt?
<105> Don’t you hate that when you have to watch the baby being born in health class? That was pretty traumatizing.
<106> Do you like the Sims? Yes.
<107> Do you like away messages? Is that still a thing? No. Not since AIM was a thing.
<108> Isn’t that weird how hair gets lighter in the sun but skin gets darker? Haven’t thought about it.
<109> Do you burn or tan? Burn then tan.
<110> Scotch tape or masking tape? Scotch.
<111> Frozen yogurt or ice cream? Froyo.
<112> Do you like pineapple on your pizza? Nooo.
<113> How about anchovies? Ew, no.
<114> Do you have people on your buddy list that you never talk to? I don’t use any instant messengers. Are there still any? I mean, besides Facebook Messenger and the chat thingy on here.
<115> Do you close the lid after you pee? No.
<116> Do you go to church? No. :/
<117> Pen or pencil? Pen.
<118> Do you have any of those mechanical pencils that cost like $6? I just would get a pack of mechanical pencils.
<119> Aren’t they a waste of your money? I’d rather get a pack or two than one pencil for $6.
<120> Are your parents divorced? No.
<121> Do they hate each other? No.
<121> Do you talk to losers? I’m a loser, baby.
<122> If you like rainbows, does that mean you’re gay? How old are you?
<123> Do you make a wish at 11:11? No.
<124> Do you celebrate St. Nick’s Day? Christmas? Yes.
<125> What song is in your head? None at the moment.
<126> Do you want to be like Jared? The Subway guy? Uh, definitely not.
<127> Have you ever shaved? Yeahhh.
<128> Do you like Oreos with peanut butter? Sure.
<129> Is your hair its natural color? No.
<130> What color are your nails? They’re not painted.
<131> Do you have a backpack? Somewhere in my closet, yeah.
<132> What color is it? I have a few.
<133> Does it have keychains and buttons and stuff on it? No.
<134> Do you fake sick a lot? I don’t have to, I really do feel like crap often enough.
<135> What time is it now? 1:20AM.
<136> Do your relatives get along? Yeah.
<137> Who is cooler, your mom’s relatives or dad’s relatives? They’re all cool.
<138> Have your eyes been the same color your whole life? Yes.
<139> What’s the earliest memory you have? Some from preschool.
<140> Is it true that the early bird gets the worm? And the squeaky wheel gets the grease.
<141> Have you ever played Monopoly? Yeah, plenty of times.
<142> Did you see the movie Get Over It? I think so.
<143> Do you like Jimmy Eat World? Yeah.
<144> What about Ludacris? I haven’t heard anything from him in years.
<145> Monsters Inc or Shrek? Monster’s Inc.
<146> Do you like to abuse people’s guestbooks on their web site? No...
<147> Aren’t babies overrated? Sigh.
<148> Do you have any kids? No.
<149> Do you wish you did (if you don’t)? – Absolutely not.
<150> How long did this take you? 12 minutes.
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Ahhhhh
I just feel so trapped and alone.
My mental illness symptoms are really making functioning SO difficult lately and honestly I’m.. not functioning that well. I have not been showering as often as I should, I have not been eating enough at all the last few days purely because of lack of physical and mental energy/spoons to cook and prepare food, my sleeping habits are also very bad, and I’ve been just dragging myself around most of the time.
Yes I have been getting some stuff done through it, which is really good, and I’ve been praised by friends who understand the mental health struggle and say I’ve been doing really good. Which I somewhat have been.. but also not.
Especially when my aunt and uncle that I live with (until the end of this month) will be back next week and they are REALLY fucking uptight about everything being like PERFECTLY tidy (like they expect the dishwasher to not just be clean but UNLOADED and empty.. which hello depressed fuck over here thats just NOT possible 90% of the time mates). They don’t understand mental illness at ALL and haven’t even accepted explanations I’ve given them before and explaining a lot of the time I just DONT have energy and its NOT PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE for me to do something.
So I can’t help but continually seeing my progress in the eyes of my family members and neurotypicals the last few days. I can’t help that when I packed up the whole bathroom - which required emptying cupboards and drawers, going through and throwing out garbage, organizing, and THEN putting into 2 boxes... probably took a good hour at least - I didn’t feel very accomplished I just stressed about the boxes in the living room downstairs and the papers on the floor and couch that I haven’t got to. About all my clothes I just tossed in the guest room to organize and put away.. but haven’t yet. About the mess in the kitchen I haven’t cleaned up. About the fact I haven’t cooked proper food for myself. About the fact my room is still messy and I have 293082948 things to go through and pack not only in my room, but also boxes in the garage, and items in the basement.
I’ve been trying trying trying so hard to push through everything the last two weeks, especially this last week. I’ve been TRYING to push through and just get ANYTHING done. And I have gone a couple times out to collect boxes from the mall, and I have packed up a couple boxes, and one day I sort of tidied the kitchen (its a disaster again), and I did get the garbage out last night (hallelujah!), and I did buy the things I needed for the shelter from the dollarstore and go to group... but overall, honestly, I can say especially from my personal internal experiences of the week; I have not been doing well.
Last night I STILL didn’t get to sleep until like 2am because I had my light on until 1:30 idfk why. So I woke up at like noon, and then didnt leave bed until after 3pm! I got up after 3, made some raspberry sauce on the stove to eat on top of my leftover pancakes; and then abandoned the pot and dishes and everything right there on the stove when I was done. I went up to the guestroom put a show on my laptop; HOPING to sort my clean and dirty laundry at least and throw laundry in... yeah that never happened. I watched the show on the bed and got increasingly tired and fatigued, and when it was over just laid on the bed half falling sleep for like an hour.. it was nearing 6pm at this point.
At SOME point I got downstairs to heat up 3 spring rolls and eat them. Then I watched a show for another hour or whatever. Skyped with my friend. Ended back up in guest room on my laptop on tumblr... Feeling fatigued, depressed, distressed and panicked about the state of the house and my functioning right now, very hungry, and its 8pm.
I feel so alone. I feel so anxious. I feel SO depressed. I feel so distressed. I feel guilty. I feel trapped. I CANT make myself do any of the millions of things I need to do. I’ve been pushing through... just dragging myself through the week somehow managing to get SOME things done.. but idk if its just it all catching up to me, or staying in bed until 3, or WHAT but I’m just so DONE. I feel so done and broken down and at the end of my rope tonight.
And not in a desperate, breaking down, panicking, sobbing kind of way. In a very numb and tired “I’m sitting here struggling to type this and stay sitting up because I am so fatigued and I just want to sleep. Also I am starving but have no energy to put anything into me other than cheerios but I know they will not fill me up in any way so I have no motivation to even go get them.” kind of way. Like.. just seriously depressed. Fatigued and numb and done
and Im deep down panicking over this because IDK WHAT TO DO
IDK HOW TO DO ANYTHING
I WANT SOMEONE TO COME BREAK ME OUT OF THIS OR DO A BUNCH OF MY STUFF FOR ME OR BOTH
BUT I CANT HAVE THAT AND I DONT HAVE ANY SUPPORT PHYSIALLY Or IN PERSON RN
MY FAMILY IS STUPID ABOUT THIS AND DOESNT BELIEVE ME
AND I STILL HAVENT TOLD MY ONE OTHER INPERSON FRIEND MY SITUATION LIKE AT ALL BECAUSE I HAVENT REALLY BEEN ABLE TO HANG OUT WITH EHR IN PERSON AND IM STARTING TO WONDER IF ITS PARTIALLY INTENTIONAL AND SHE DOESNT REALLY WANT OT HANG OUT WITH ME
hahhahah yayyyy
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