#my quidditch boyyyy

[mmaeeve]

“it was james, who had an ego the size of a lake, but a heart to match it.”

happy birthday james potter, you deserved so much better.

[nikolai-alexi]

A little while back you did piercing hcs for the marauders and co could you do that with tattoos? 😁

Oh babes, absolutely! I love this idea and boyyyy do I have Thoughts about this

So sorry this took so long! I had to work on it in between back to back shifts at work. Let me know what you think of these!

Tattoos & Styles I HC The Marauders & Co With (and this time someone asked for my brain rot!)

James

Okay, so James is definitely a pincushion. He absolutely let Sirius use him as a practice mannequin when they were first learning how to tattoo so he’s covered in varying different tattoos of different styles and skill level. I think James has kinda always been covered in Sirius’ art, bc he absolutely let Sirius draw on him during class. So when ink pens turned to tattoo guns, James and his zero fear of permanence didn’t bat an eye at being used as a practice dummy.

On his right forearm, he has a matching tattoo with the Marauders. It’s a stag’s head, with a rat sitting on it, the Sirius constellation between the antlers, and a halfmoon behind it.

On his right bicep, he has a half sleeve. I HC James as Desi and Hindu, and that tattoo is a Mehndi design James created with an elephant in the foreground. He had Sirius do it, ofc, and it took like 4-6 sessions to get it done because Sirius was absolutely fixated on making sure it was perfect

Regulus gives him a stick and poke (like a legit one, not an ink pen insert and a needle one) and it’s of a stag with a cat playing in its antlers. It’s on the inside of James’ right ankle. He’s constantly pestering Regulus about doing more

When Effie and Monty pass (of very very old age and only that of course), James has Sirius create a memorial piece for them. They incorporate a lot of meaningful things in it for James; one of Effie’s own Mehndi designs, a crow (the messenger between the lands of living and dead as well as Effie’s favourite animal), Monty’s favourite book quote written in Punjabi, and a bunch of little symbols that represent them both. James and Sirius both sobbed through that entire tattoo. It rests right on top of James’ heart and spans most the left side of his chest

James is kind of a mess of different styles and skill levels, and is basically just covered in a bunch of small tattoos. He collects one on every holiday, pretty much any time Sirius is bored, or whenever something significant in his life happens. He’s just a living sticker book of art, basically

Marlene, Pete, and James each have their childhood house numbers tattooed on the inside of their left wrists. James’ is 421

Sirius

Sirius still has their runic tattoos and the chest tattoo, because I cannot physically make those not a thing. I love them so much

Down the back of their left arm, they have the cycles of the moon

Paw prints of a wolf and a dog, everywhere. Side by side down their spine, around their runic tattoos, down the side of their legs, etc.

Banding. There’s so much banding. Esp on their forearms! From super thin to super thick banding, it’s all over Sirius’ body. They have one set of banding that goes around their waist and it drives Remus crazy

Magic tattoo or not, Sirius absolutely has the Marauder’s Map footsteps all over them

Obviously they have the Marauders Tattoo too. It’s on the right side of their ribcage.

I think a lot of Sirius’ tattoos that they didn’t do themselves are runic. Protection runes, mostly, but all kinds of different runes in multiple runic languages (I HC Sirius as being a total Ancient Runes nerd)

All the tattoos Sirius did do on themselves are more like doodles than actual tattoos. Something popped in their head, they had time to spare, so they did it real quick. There’s not a lot of thought behind those ones

There are a bunch that are representative of the people in their life, though. Like they’ve got Regulus’ constellation, Alphard’s constellation, Andy’s constellation. They’ve got rat paw prints and deer hoof prints, James’ quidditch/footie/lacrosse jersey number, chess pieces with whiskers or a tail, chocolates stacked on top of books, etc.

They’ve got their own kind of memorial tattoo for Effie and Monty (they didn’t feel like they could use Effie’s Mehndi design because they’re not Hindu and there was a lot of guilt and stuff they needed to deal with before they could even bring themselves to do the memorial tattoo and James was ready to lose his mind because when his mum said that Sirius was her child no matter what, she didn’t mean that they were only her child if they became Hindu themselves. There were lots of conversations about that)

There really isn’t much open space on Sirius’ body lmao they just constantly tattoo over things and all sorts of chaos

Remus

Where Sirius is very chaotic with their tattoos, Remus is very methodical. It’s not that his tattoos can be read like a book or anything, he just puts a lot of thought into his tattoos. He dedicates limbs and areas of his body to certain things. He doesn’t just get an idea and slap it somewhere. It might be a control thing, it might not be, who knows. It’s just the way he does things

Has the Marauder tattoo on his left thigh

You know the chest tattoos with the hands? Remus has one, except the left hand is holding a can of petrol and the right one is holding a zippo

Remus’ right sleeve is almost patchwork, but it’s like a blended patchwork? I’m not sure how to describe what I think of when I think of his right sleeve, but basically, it’s a significance piece. His right sleeve is basically the places in his life that have left an impact on him. The house in Wales where he grew up, the fork his Mam swore up and down was lucky, the couches in the Gryffindor common room, and the brickwork fireplace. Candles from the Great Hall float all around his arm, the spot James showed him behind the Quidditch bleachers where he carved his name into the wood when he was high, the broken piano in the Shack that Sirius always tried to play, the door number to Sirius’ and his first flat, the uneven second hand kitchen table with tea cups on it they put in their kitchen. The castle itself. The forest. Everywhere that makes an impact on Remus’ life gets immortalised on his arm.

I am a firm believer that Remus would refuse to get anything wolf/dog related inked, but you bet he has stars all over. Sirius’ constellation is tattooed over his heart

I’m also a huge believer that Remus is a classics nerd, so his left side is dedicated to classic mythos and literature references. He’s got gods and goddesses and stories inked into his skin like it’s his arm that tells their stories, not the books themselves. He’s got Hades and Persephone reaching for each other between the worlds, Orpheus and Eurydice, and Achilles, Patroclus and the Trojan Horse. He and Regulus have a whole geek out when they realise they each have a mythos tattoo

Similarly to his mythos sleeve, I think Remus, especially growing up in Wales and with Hope as his Mam, give off big mythological creature nerd vibes (excluding werewolves, obvi). Like you cannot tell me that little bitty Remus Lupin was not a dinosaur kid. So his right leg is all mythological creatures. Kind of on theme with his sleeve, a lot of them are Greek, like Chimera, Pegasus, and a Sphinx. But he also has an Afanc, Tylwyth Teg (Welsh interpretation of Fae/Faeries), and an Adar Llwch Gwin (a griffin-type of bird, with the head and wings of an eagle and of a cat)

His left leg is sort of open, it’s where he puts things that don’t really have a “place” or when he runs out of space on his sleeves

Peter

Marlene, Pete, and James each have their childhood house numbers tattooed on the inside of their left wrists. Pete’s is 439.

Has the matching Marauder’s tattoo with James, Sirius, and Remus on his left bicep

He’s not necessarily opposed to getting more tattoos, but he pretty much just gets them with his friends. He feels like he’s too indecisive to just get one

Marlene

Marlene’s tattoos are chaos. There’s no rhyme, reason, or order to them. They could be super meaningful or they could be a rabbit wearing a fancy suit with a top hat balancing on a unicycle and frogs stuffed in the pockets (that one’s on her left thigh. she has no recollection of when or where she got it)

She has identical outline of cats around both of her nipples because she thought it’d be hilarious to have a “titty tat of a kitty cat!”…I’ll give you three guesses as to who did that for her and the first two don’t count.

Marlene, Pete, and James each have their childhood house numbers tattooed on the inside of their left wrists. Marlene’s is 465.

Marlene is the kind of person to walk into a shop and go “I have £100, what will that get me”. Her body is hers to decorate and she’s doing it with a fuck ton of permanent stickers

She has a matching tramp stamp with Evan, Barty, Dorcas and Tillie. It’s the absolute worst thing she has tattooed on her and she adores it.

She’s really just covered in flash work. There’s some traditional tattoos, with old school card suits and flowers on her shoulder. There’s neotraditional pieces, with the overlapping sun and moon on her hip. There’s lots of fineline, a dragon wrapping around a bouquet of poisonous flowers on her sternum. There’s a wacky sort of tribal/geometric half sleeve on her right calf. She’s got fun little watercolour pieces decorating her arms. She’s got a blackwork geometric piece that goes around her stomach that’s all negative space and shading details and no one can agree one what everything is or isn’t (she won’t tell anyone the answers either).

She has a very tiny snake and lion behind each of her ears

She has a mandala tattoo that goes across the back of her head, but you can only see it when she has an undercut in her hair

Mary

Mary is a fun one. She’s definitely a tattoo fiend, but while she’s not methodical like Remus and Regulus are, she’s not chaotic like Barty and Marlene are with them.

She’s got a lot of different things, a bunch of muggle references, a lot of Wizarding references

Couple of fun floral pieces

Something about Mary just screams “forest” piece to me. I think she’s got a sleeve that’s all themed after the Forbidden Forest and it’s all done in realism. Very spooky but also very beautiful

Not to make this heartbreaking, but if canon compliant Mary got one tattoo before she obliviated herself, I think she would have gotten a tattoo of Hogwarts with a compass, because even though Hogwarts was the source of her trauma and pain, a part of her would always feel at home there. So when she knew she was going to obliviate herself, she got herself something to find home with, should she ever need it

Solar System. Mary strikes me as a closeted Astronomy and astrology nerd. I think she’s got a solar system tattoo, straight down her spine, and a galaxy tattoo on her ribs, and then maybe the astrology signs somewhere?

Matching butterfly tattoo with Lily, Mary’s is a Monarch

Lily

Lily, loml, she’s a watercolour babe 10000%

She doesn’t have a ton of pieces, but she gets a few every now and again

Fineline watercolour girlie for sureeee and we love her for it

She says she doesn’t like floral pieces, but she has one on her sternum, however it absolutely does NOT have lilies in it

Miss Girl absolutely has one of those fineline tattoos with the stack of books with a tea cup on top of them and the steam looks like magic, you know the ones I’m talking about? And it’s like in her inner forearm right by her elbow

Has a matching butterfly tattoo with Mary, Lily’s is a Swallowtail

Regulus

Has a bottom lip tattoo that says “CUNT”. It was his first tattoo and his second ever act of rebellion against his parents (his first being his nipple piercings). Barty came up with the idea to have them all write down a word and then pick it out of a hat and that’s what they’d get tattooed. Barty and Evan could not stop laughing when Regulus pulled out his.

Regulus is very similar to Remus in a way. His tattoos are all very organised and thought out, minus a few impulse ones with his friends or Sirius and the Marauders

Regulus really favours abstract, geo, and blackwork styles, with a bit of fineline influence in some pieces. He doesn’t have a single colour tattoo, strictly black and grey.

His left arm is all bold lines, sharp angles, heavy black work, and lots of negative space. He got it right after he got unofficially disowned, used the bank account his parents cut him off from as a last “fuck you” to them and it kind of represents his inner turmoil during that time of his life. He did the sleeve in one session, it took 13.5 hours and his artist took more breaks than he did. If that gives you an idea of how his mental state was at the time

His right arm is lighter, less harsh lines and negative space, more open linework. Lots of geometric patterns that feed into each other shoulder to wrist. There’s still some inverted shading and negative work, but for the most part, it’s fairly open. There’s a lot more diversity in his right sleeve than his left, stacks of shapes and a bunch of 3D shading, the linework seems to twist and turn with his arm, rather than go against the grain of his body like his left does.

His chest piece is his absolute favourite of all his tattoos. He and Barty started on it almost immediately after he got the all clear from Drs/Healers after his top surgery. The tattoo is of a Boomslang snake, and it weaves in and out of his surgery scars like it’s entering and exiting his body from under his skin. It slithers all the way around his chest, ribs, and back, before it curls over his shoulder and it’s head comes right to his heart. It’s jaws are open, and it looks like it’s striking at his heart. Throughout the scales, the use of heavy blackwork and negative space carves out the words “Le monstre n'a pas peur de ce qu'il deviendra” or “the monster does not fear what it will become”. It was one of the most painful tattoos Regulus has, because his top surgery scars were still healing, but the tattoo and the fact that it was Barty who did it made it so incredibly worth it

His left leg has a full sleeve on it, and it’s super dope. The whole sleeve is based off of animals with magical or supernatural tales about them. The sleeve is almost done like a totem pole, but the faces are done half in geometrics and half in inverted shading. He has a fox, a coyote, a cat, a vulture, and a bat

His right leg is where all of his impulse tattoos go. Or where he lets Barty and Sirius practice. There’s a lot of small pieces and some larger ones. Sirius did a piece on his thigh that’s a realistic portrait of a lion, except the Regulus constellation covers it’s chest. Barty did another piece with a dog and the Sirius constellation on his calf.

He has a tattoo of Icarus with his wings melting and falling from the sky on the right side of his rib cage

He wants to do a back piece and fill in his torso at some point. Give him 3-5 years to make up his mind and not over think it lmfao

Barty

Blackwork. So. Much. Blackwork.

If he’s got tattoos in a magical fic, his entire left forearm is a blackout. Then the rest of that sleeve is an inverted sleeve with negative space

Has a snake that starts on his sternum, wraps around his neck, under his right arm, over his shoulder and ends on his chest. Done in blackwork style also

His right sleeve is a bit of a mashup. He’s got some blackwork and negative space, but also a bit of fineline work.

He has a neck and face tattoo. It’s on the left side, and it starts near where his shoulder meets his neck then goes up his neck, and around his head and ear. It’s a rose bush. (If it’s a magical tattoo, the different coloured roses bloom and close at different times depending on Evan’s moods)

On his right hipbone, Evan tattooed “ROSY” on him

He has a galaxy and constellation tattoo on his left thigh, it’s the only other coloured tattoo he has besides his rose bush one. He got it for Regulus when he officially changed his name after coming out as trans

His legs are full of small tattoos he did himself. He started tattooing to piss his father off, so some of them are really dumb or badly done, but it’s so on brand for him that he touches them up from time to time just to make sure they stay. The tattoo he’s most proud of though, is Regulus’

I think his ribs and torso are pretty covered, probably a mix of random flash art he thinks is cool when he’s in the shop and more floral designs with snakes.

He absolutely has knuckle and hand tattoos, but for the life of me I cannot decide what exactly they’d be. Part of me really thinks he would do a nod towards Hogwarts and do a snake, an eagle, a badger, and a lion and just do symbols on his knuckles. The other part of me thinks he’d do something ridiculous like “PLAN” on his right hand and “AHEA” on the left just because he’s Barty and why wouldn’t he do shit like that

He has a matching tramp stamp with Dorcas, Marlene, Tillie, and Evan because they were all high as a mf and thought it would be hilarious (it is, in fact, hilarious and the most 70s tramp stamp ever)

Has a bottom lip tattoo that says “SLUT”

He wants to do a massive back piece (talking like shoulders to thigh), but hasn’t decided 100% what he wants to do, so hasn’t done it yet. But once that’s done he’s going to have very little open skin left to tattoo

Evan

On his right hipbone, Barty tattooed “BEE” on him

Has a bottom lip tattoo that says “WHORE”

I cannot stress enough how much of a new school vibe I get from Evan. Like this mf gets just the weirdest shit tattooed on him

Rose bush, but all the flowers are skulls. It takes up like all of his torso and rib cage. There’s also a bunch of vines and poisonous plants tangled in there. Somehow it simultaneously does and doesn’t at all fit his vibe

Dragon. Giant, wrapping, dragon. Takes up his entire right leg from the top of his foot up his hip. The dragon’s head wraps up around his thigh and arsecheek then over his hip bone and is blowing smoke right at his naval. He thinks he’s funny.

He and Pandora have a double helix DNA tattoo. Evan’s is on the outside of his left hand

Pandora

Had a bottom lip tattoo that says “PSYCHO” (Barty was PISSED when she got this one until he pulled his out and then wasn’t quite as mad. He did try to get Evan to tattoo his upper lip with it so he could be “Psycho Slut” which he thought was very on brand)

Pandora is also very new school vibe for me. I feel like she would absolutely get all of her creatures tattooed in a new school style and then have a really abrupt fineline piece here and there. It kinda makes your head spin, but that’s the whole point of it

Pandora and Evan have a double helix DNA strand tattoo. Hers is on the outside of her right hand

Has a giant realistic thestral on her thigh

Moths, lots of really cool fineline tattoos of different moth species (idk she strikes me as a bug girlie)

Dorcas

Has a bottom lip tattoo that says “BITCH”

Has a massive sword tattoo down her spine

Right sleeve is an ivy sleeve, it’s just vines and wrapping around her arm and hand. Some of it goes between her fingers and under her arm

Has a lot of Japanese Traditional style tattoos, the Yin and Yang koi fish on her thigh, cherry blossoms up her left calf, phantom Samurai on her ribcage

On her right calf she has a tattoo of a witch being burned at the stake, very haunting, very cool

Amelia

Has a balance tattooed on her inner left wrist and a gavel on her inner right wrist

Has a matching tattoo with Emme and Tillie of a stack of TNT on her hip

I think Amelia keeps her tattoos covered for the most part. They’re really important to her, but they’re definitely FOR her, ya know? Idk, that’s just the vibe I get from her

Emmeline

Has a matching tattoo with Amelia and Tillie of a stack of TNT on her hip

Something about Emme just screams floral tattoos to me. I think she definitely has a sleeve (or two) of mostly floral tattoos. It feels like a really nice dichotomy between how much of a badass she is (either as an Auror or firefighter or whatever kickass occupation she has) and how soft and kind she can be. I really see her having a sleeve on her right leg that she absolutely gets done in black and grey so her godbabies can colour her flowers in whenever she babysits them

Tillie

Has a matching tattoo with Emme and Amelia of a stack of TNT on her hip

Has a matching tramp stamp with Evan, Barty, Dorcas, and Marlene, she has zero recollection of getting it but every time she has to see the unfortunate thing, she can’t help but laugh. She vows to never get high and get tattoos with them again, but she absolutely fails at that

Shark tattoos. Like so many. Whale sharks, hammerheads, great whites, black tips, nurse sharks, shovelnose, etc. There’s just random little tiny shark tattoos all over her and I’m obsessed with them

On the same theme, I think she also has an ocean theme leg sleeve. A full coral reef, mermaids, all kinds of fish, ofc there’s sharks, maybe a whale and definitely an octopus in there. The whole thing is done in full colour and goes from her ankle all the way up her hip and ends at the bottom of her ribcage

[weasvlys]

Harry Potter male characters NSFW headcanons.

P.2

Seeing that the previous part received so much love, I decided to do a second part of "Everything related to smutty activities from this HP characters"

I recommend the second part in my profile, if you want to see more content like this, follow me aaaaaand I TAKE REQUESTS.

Aaaand, WARNINGS: SMUUUUUT.

George Fabian Weasley

Everything with this boy will be sweet and intoxicating

No matter how you look, twins will always want to fuck you.

"You are the most beautiful and amazing human being there is"

Lots of sex, VERY MUCH.

This guy is a sub and loves to be penetrated, so, get ready.

Such a tease.

Do everything to make you horny in the most uncomfortable situations, he can even do it in front of his own mother.

Respectfull and so gentle, ASK YOU FIRST FOR EVERYTHING.

"You are so fucking hot baby"

Have kinks but not like his twin.

Loved to be mention he's better than his twin.

NOISY!!

Is a little insecure, always compare himself with Fred.

His sex is fast and sweet, pretty much like Neville's.

JEALOUS.

Give the best kisses and orals.

Draco Lucius Malfoy.

PUNISHMENTS.

Do I need to say that he is VERY kinky? Well, because he is, a lot.

"Call me daddy."

If necessary, he will have you shout his name so everyone knows who's boss.

He loves to spank you and tie you up.

Aaaaaaaaalooooot of angry sex.

Very, very, jealous.

He loves sudden sex, if you misbehave he can take you to the nearest bathroom, even in public places, just to punish you.

His sex is dirty, hard and rough, you will end up drenched in sweat and very tired.

Lots of dirty talk and slutshamming.

"Do you like this you little hore?"

He loves to give you orals and fingering.

He loves to fuck you in all possible positions.

Their sex is usually hard and wild but on some occasions it can be nice and calm.

After having sex you won't be able to walk, that's for sure.

You will have multiple orgasms.

Bill Weasley.

You have to options with with guy, 1. He's very cute, sensible, nice, sweet, such a gentleman orrrrr 2. He's the hottest, horniest, roughest and sexiest guy you'll ever met.

As I was saying, his sex could be "✨💗🌹🍓✨" or it could be "😈🖤💀⛓️" so technically there's not loose, he would do what YOU want, he doesn't actually care about himself.

Oh he's dick is big, all Weasley's dick are big.

You can get drunk, sink and lose yourself in his gaze, literally just by seeing this guy talking you can get wet.

"I love how you look in leather, it made me so hard"

He is the type of guy who would love to fuck you all day and would if he could but at the same time he cares how you feel, he protects you and procures you forever.

Love is EVERYTHING for him, literally.

He's very insecure about his scar.

He could fuck you so hard that you would not be able to walk and then take your breakfast to bed.

He loves to dominate, make you beg and fuck you hard but once in a while he can change, he loves being penetrated with a dildo.

It is the perfect balance between love and pleasure, neither will be overshadowed.

"Aghh... Fuck- you are so~ wet"

His obvious skill is orals, he's the best, and he knows it.

Oliver Wood.

You will make schedules to have sex. literally, and he would get mad if you are not at time.

Oh boyyyy, this guy is rough and slow, so tempting.

He teases a lot about how he can arouse you you up so fast, but what can you say? Watching him play Quidditch is exciting to say the least.

After playing or training, he tends to "get excited" a lot.

"Keep going baby, you're soooo good..."

Pretty loud.

A little kinky with the pulling and choking thing.

He loves to carve his erection through the clothes when you kiss.

She loves long kissing sessions, they usually end in her passionate sex.

Unusually romantic and attentive, the boy seems to be constant and solely focused on Quidditch but he really has a lot of attentions, romantically, and when it comes about sex.

"Do you mind if I choke you?"

He can last HOURS without losing his breath, for something he is the captain of quidditch.

He loves to squeeze your thighs intensely.

A little shy at first.

The pleasure of BOTH.

Secretly loves public sex before training or a match. Kinda encourages him.

[jmespottuh]

❛  if there’s one thing the gods love, it’s tragedy. with wings that burn and boys who fall. ❜

* ╰   brandon arreaga  ;  17 ;  he/him  —— wow, james potter sure has changed. i guess he is feeling isolated from the other gryffindor members. guess you can’t really blame them. i still remember them being so charming & incisive now they just seem dependent & inexorable.  guess being a  pureblood isn’t helping matters much either.  i’m hopeful though. they’ll be just fine.

links: pinterest, stats character parallels: bellamy blake ( the 100 ), shane madej ( buzzfeed unsolved ), jake peralta ( brooklyn nine-nine ), stefan salvatore ( the vampire diaries ), scott mccall ( teen wolf ), steve harrington ( stranger things )

james henry potter ( named for two his two grandfathers, maternal and paternal respectively ) was born on april 4th, 1960 to two of the most loving parents a child could have.

fleamont and euphemia had been trying for a child for years. they’d been together for basically all of time, having been that typical good-looking, well liked couple in hogwarts that everyone always just assumes will get married ( spoiler alert: they did ), however had had to postpone kids due to fleamont’s brief stint as a professional quidditch player for eight years following their graduation. after that, they would try every month for a child, and after many years of disappointment, eventually gave up. it was during this time that fleamont developed the sleekeazy hair potion which only added to their immense wealth. 

finally at age forty-one, they were surprised with the arrival of james. obviously, they saw him as their miracle child, and as such he was pampered and completely spoiled from the moment he was born.

i cannot stress enough how much this spoiled upbringing shaped james into the person he is today. if you’re wondering why he was ever an arrogant prick, it’s because he was always used to getting absolutely everything he ever wanted. he grew up with money, he grew up with fame and with every bit of attention he could garner, and so it was really no wonder he was a bit of an asshole by the time he started at hogwarts.

obviously, james had a pretty cushy childhood, and as such, shit didn’t start getting real until he started at hogwarts. 

it took all of three seconds for the hat to sort him into gryffindor, and i guess you could say he pretty much considered himself to be the gem of the house. he was the absolute epitome of a gryffindor, basically considered him the poster boy and all but expected everyone to love him.

really did not help his ego to know that everyone did.

in typical sterotype-gryffindor fashion, james hated slytherin. he had always been taught growing up that purists were basically the root of all evil, and his father had had no qualms in lumping all these people in with the house of the snakes. james and his friends took a particular disliking to severus snape almost immediately for the poncy way in which he seemed to believe he was superior to all for his intelligence and his house status, and this dislike only grew when lily evans was tossed into the mix, too.

for basically the first four or five years of hogwarts, james really was that stereotypical arrogant asshole that he’s often made out to be. he always got everything he asked for, he was incredibly popular and incredibly intelligent, he had the most amazing friends and his eyes on the most amazing girl. he was set!! shit was good!!

shit was not good, though. definitely was not.

despite having known of remus’ furry little problem since second year, things didn’t really start to settle in james how awful it was until third or fourth year. he hated seeing his friend in pain, he hated that he couldn’t help, and so he rallied the boys to put into action their worst plan yet!!!!

becoming animagi!!!!!!

it took fucking forever, obviously, but by the end of fourth year they did it!! we stan icons

except then in fifth year shit hit the fan again in just, like… so many ways

first, it was the whole severus ‘mudblood’ situation. honestly, james was absolutely furious. he’d always hated snape but this just made everything 1000 times worse. even if it had happened to anyone else, he would have been fuming. but for it to have happened to lily like… yikes. 

this was also a horrible time for james though because lily rejected him for the thousandth time. like, look, what a yikes thing to think when she was just called a mudblood, but frankly he was sick of being rejected and he was sick of being the asshole who kept pressuring her so that was the breaking point — he gave up on her. 

and tbh, he changed a lot from here on out. grew up!! became a better person bc he saw how horrible snap was and decided he was sick of horrible people!! saw, recognised and acknowledged that just bc he was hot and intelligent and rich he wasn’t always going to get everything he wanted ( see: miss evans ) and just generally learned that oh shit the world doesn’t revolve around him!!!

oh and then there was that whole thing with sirius and snape and remus the werewolf and ohhhh boyyyy…. that infuriated him. 

he loves his bros so much and y’all know he would die for them, but to see his friend abuse remus’ pain and suffering for his own gain was heart wrenching. it just pushed him further to pull him in line, to realise that not everything was about games, or petty rivalry, or ‘ getting the girl ’ — life was heartache and mistakes and it was never going to go the way he wanted it to.

now look, this isn’t all to say that james is now a super strict, super intense, brooding weirdo. he’s still a bit of a child, and he’s still a bit of an arrogant prick, but ultimately what wins out is his morals — every time. he wants to lead the world to a better place, without war and without hate, he wants everyone to have the same opportunities he had as a kid and he wants nothing more than for blood purity to be eradicated.

get that shit outta my house!!! gross!!!!!!

now in his final year, james is always flipping between taking his role as head boy deadly serious and turning it into one big game of mischief. he’s still a marauder at heart, after all, and has definitely abused his power sometimes for the benefit of fun and games, but when it comes down to it, he can be very strict and lowkey paternal. the leader really just…. popped right outta him, it came to play and it came hard, and really you’d think he’s minister for magic with how serious he treats it sometimes.

i hate him.

the disappearance of one of his best friends, one peter pettigrew, landed james to flop pretty fucking hard on the side of seriousness. once you spend months without knowing where your best friend is, thinking he’s dead, you’re bound to start to lose a bit of that which once made you smile. it was this piled on top of what james had already been feeling which led the head boy to start finding ways he could join the revolution within the walls of hogwarts --- it’s been bloody hard but james is determined to make a difference, to make sure no one else he loves suffers in a war that they never asked to fight in the first place.

anyway here’s some fun facts that didn’t fit up top

james is a lot less intense with his hatred for slytherin’s. he has come to recognise that not everyone from that lifestyle is going to be the same, not everyone who grew up a certain way or was sorted into a certain house is going to think with a deadly mind, and while he’s still a bit wary, he’s a lot more relaxed about it, especially as head boy ( gotta at least pretend shit’s fair !!! )

he’s very dependent as in like… boi cannot go a week without his friends. he is used to having people to bounce off, that’s always the type of leader he has been, and as much as he would probably be amazing at anything on his own, he’s never really tried. too scared!! i hate him!!!!!

super unforgiving. like, if you have gotten on his bad side…. i’m sorry. it is going to be very difficult to return from there. his moral compass is pretty black and white, you’re either good or your bad, and if you’ve done something he considers bad well sucks to be you, i guess. sorry not sorry.

takes his quidditch very seriously tbh. so many people have told him he needs to be a pro like his dad, but he’s like haha fuck you i know what i wanna do ( hint hint: he wants to rule that goddamn auror office, make that shit far more efficient then he thinks it is now ). but srsly, he’s so intense abt the game and it really like… idk gets him in the zone, keeps him level-headed in amongst all this chaos. 

he’s smart. i guess. straight a’s and shit idk. just very naturally intelligent, finds everything he does easy, like.. really is that asshole who is just good at everything he does.

[stagjmes]

❛  if there’s one thing the gods love, it’s tragedy. with wings that burn and boys that fall. ❜

—wait a second, is that HIM, the PUREBLOOD sorted into GRYFFINDOR house? their name is JAMES POTTER but they share a startling likeness with AUBREY JOSEPH. in their SEVENTH YEAR, they’re known as the SHEPHERD, probably because they are CHARMING but DEPENDENT. i wonder what side they’ll end up on at the end.

james henry potter ( named for two his two grandfathers, maternal and paternal respectively ) was born on april 4th, 1960 to two of the most loving parents a child could have.

fleamont and euphemia had been trying for a child for years. they’d been together for basically all of time, having been that typical good-looking, well liked couple in hogwarts that everyone always just assumes will get married ( spoiler alert: they did ), however had had to postpone kids due to fleamont’s brief stint as a professional quidditch player for eight years following their graduation. after that, they would try every month for a child, and after many years of disappointment, eventually gave up. it was during this time that fleamont developed the sleekeazy hair potion which only added to their immense wealth. 

finally at age forty-one, they were surprised with the arrival of james. obviously, they saw him as their miracle child, and as such he was pampered and completely spoiled from the moment he was born.

i cannot stress enough how much this spoiled upbringing shaped james into the person he is today. if you’re wondering why he was ever an arrogant prick, it’s because he was always used to getting absolutely everything he ever wanted. he grew up with money, he grew up with fame and with every bit of attention he could garner, and so it was really no wonder he was a bit of an asshole by the time he started at hogwarts.

obviously, james had a pretty cushy childhood, and as such, shit didn’t start getting real until he started at hogwarts.

it took all of three seconds for the hat to sort him into gryffindor, and i guess you could say he pretty much considered himself to be the gem of the house. he was the absolute epitome of a gryffindor, basically considered him the poster boy and all but expected everyone to love him.

really did not help his ego that everyone did

in typical sterotype-gryffindor fashion, james hated slytherin. he had always been taught growing up that purists were basically the root of all evil, and his father had had no qualms in lumping all these people in with the house of the snakes. james and his friends took a particular disliking to severus snape almost immediately for the poncy way in which he seemed to believe he was superior to all for his intelligence and his house status, and this dislike only grew when lily evans was tossed into the mix, too.

for basically the first four or five years of hogwarts, james really was that stereotypical arrogant asshole that he’s often made out to be. he always got everything he asked for, he was incredibly popular and incredibly intelligent, he had the most amazing friends and his eyes on the most amazing girl. he was set!! shit was good!!

shit was not good, though. definitely was not. 

despite having known of remus’ furry little problem since second year, things didn’t really start to settle in james how awful it was until third or fourth year. he hated seeing his friend in pain, he hated that he couldn’t help, and so he rallied the boys to put into action their worst plan yet!!!!

becoming animagi!!!!

it took fucking forever, obviously, but by the end of fourth year they did it!! we stan icons

except then in fifth year shit hit the fan again in just, like… so many ways

first, it was the whole severus ‘mudblood’ situation. honestly, james was absolutely furious. he’d always hated snape but this just made everything 1000 times worse. even if it had happened to anyone else, he would have been fuming. but for it to have happened to lily like… yikes.

this was also a horrible time for james though because lily rejected him for the thousandth time. like, look, what a yikes thing to think when she was just called a mudblood, but frankly he was sick of being rejected and he was sick of being the asshole who kept pressuring her so that was the breaking point — he gave up on her. 

and tbh, he changed a lot from here on out. grew up!! became a better person bc he saw how horrible snap was and decided he was sick of horrible people!! saw, recognised and acknowledged that just bc he was hot and intelligent and rich he wasn’t always going to get everything he wanted ( see: miss evans ) and just generally learned that oh shit the world doesn’t revolve around him!!!

oh and then there was that whole thing with sirius and snape and Remus the Werewolf and ohhhh boyyyy…. that infuriated him.

he loves his bros so much and y’all know he would die for them, but to see his friend abuse remus’ pain and suffering for his own gain was heart wrenching. it just pushed him further to pull him in line, to realise that not everything was about games, or petty rivalry, or ‘ getting the girl ’ — life  heartache and mistakes and it was never going to go the way he wanted it to.

now look, this isn’t all to say that james is now a Super Strict, Super Intense, Brooding Weirdo. he’s still a bit of a child, and he’s still a bit of an arrogant prick, but ultimately what wins out is his morals — every time. he wants to lead the world to a better place, without war and without hate, he wants everyone to have the same opportunities he had as a kid and he wants nothing more than for blood purity to be eradicated.

get that shit outta my house!!! gross!!!!!!

now in his final year, james is always flipping between taking his role as head boy deadly serious and turning it into one big game of mischief. he’s still a marauder at heart, after all, and has definitely abused his power sometimes for the benefit of fun and games, but when it comes down to it, he can be very strict and lowkey paternal. the leader really just…. popped right outta him, it came to play and it came hard, and really you’d think he’s minister for magic with how serious he treats it sometimes.

I hate him

he’s a lot less intense with his hatred for slytherin’s. he has come to recognise that not everyone from that lifestyle is going to be the same, not everyone who grew up a certain way or was sorted into a certain house is going to think with a deadly mind, and while he’s still a bit wary, he’s a lot more relaxed about it, especially as head boy ( gotta at least pretend shit’s fair !!! )

ok i’m so tired this is abt to turn into a rambling mess

uHhhHHh he’s very dependent as in like… boi cannot go a week without his friends. he is used to having people to bounce off, that’s always the type of leader he has been, and as much as he would probably be amazing at anything on his own, he’s never really tried. too scared!! i hate him!!!!!

super unforgiving. like, if you have gotten on his bad side…. i’m sorry. it is going to be very difficult to return from there. his moral compass is pretty black and white, you’re either good or your bad, and if you’ve done something he considers bad wELL sucks to be you, i guess. sorry not sorry.

takes his quidditch very seriously tbh. so many people have told him he needs to be a pro like his dad, but he’s like haha fuck you i know what i wanna do ( hint hint: he wants to rule that goddamn auror office, make that shit far more efficient then he thinks it is now ). but srsly, he’s so intense abt the game and it really like… idk gets him in the zone, keeps him level-headed in amongst all this chaos.

i don’t know what im saying anymore pls send help

uhhhhh he’s smart. i guess. straight a’s and shit idk. just very naturally intelligent, finds everything he does easy, like.. really is that asshole who is just good at everything he does.

i’ve run out of things to say, pls just love him

[ofprcngs]

BRANDON ARREAGA — Well, if it isn’t JAMES POTTER, the GRYFFINDOR superstar. For those of you who don’t know HIM, you can spot them sitting with the other SEVENTH years. Most people think that they’re CHARMING and INCISIVE, but they can also seem pretty DEPENDENT and INEXORABLE. Sometimes people call them the SHEPHERD. Sure, they’re a PUREBLOOD, but that doesn’t define them. 

i literally have 0 explanation for why i did this other than i’m in love with him. but also, he’s a mess, so jot that down. if you wanna know more about him ( protip: don’t ) then i recommend checking out his pinterest and then i dunno.... contemplate why i’m a punk ass bitch, i guess. enjoy this mess. plot with me. ily.

james henry potter ( named for two his two grandfathers, maternal and paternal respectively ) was born on april 4th, 1960 to two of the most loving parents a child could have.

fleamont and euphemia had been trying for a child for years. they’d been together for basically all of time, having been that typical good-looking, well liked couple in hogwarts that everyone always just assumes will get married ( spoiler alert: they did ), however had had to postpone kids due to fleamont’s brief stint as a professional quidditch player for eight years following their graduation. after that, they would try every month for a child, and after many years of disappointment, eventually gave up. it was during this time that fleamont developed the sleekeazy hair potion which only added to their immense wealth. 

finally at age forty-one, they were surprised with the arrival of james. obviously, they saw him as their miracle child, and as such he was pampered and completely spoiled from the moment he was born.

i cannot stress enough how much this spoiled upbringing shaped james into the person he is today. if you’re wondering why he was ever an arrogant prick, it’s because he was always used to getting absolutely everything he ever wanted. he grew up with money, he grew up with fame and with every bit of attention he could garner, and so it was really no wonder he was a bit of an asshole by the time he started at hogwarts.

obviously, james had a pretty cushy childhood, and as such, shit didn’t start getting real until he started at hogwarts. 

it took all of three seconds for the hat to sort him into gryffindor, and i guess you could say he pretty much considered himself to be the gem of the house. he was the absolute epitome of a gryffindor, basically considered him the poster boy and all but expected everyone to love him.

really did not help his ego to know that everyone did.

in typical sterotype-gryffindor fashion, james hated slytherin. he had always been taught growing up that purists were basically the root of all evil, and his father had had no qualms in lumping all these people in with the house of the snakes. james and his friends took a particular disliking to severus snape almost immediately for the poncy way in which he seemed to believe he was superior to all for his intelligence and his house status, and this dislike only grew when lily evans was tossed into the mix, too.

for basically the first four or five years of hogwarts, james really was that stereotypical arrogant asshole that he’s often made out to be. he always got everything he asked for, he was incredibly popular and incredibly intelligent, he had the most amazing friends and his eyes on the most amazing girl. he was set!! shit was good!!

shit was not good, though. definitely was not. 

despite having known of remus’ furry little problem since second year, things didn’t really start to settle in james how awful it was until third or fourth year. he hated seeing his friend in pain, he hated that he couldn’t help, and so he rallied the boys to put into action their worst plan yet!!!!

becoming animagi!!!!!!

it took fucking forever, obviously, but by the end of fourth year they did it!! we stan icons

except then in fifth year shit hit the fan again in just, like... so many ways

first, it was the whole severus ‘mudblood’ situation. honestly, james was absolutely furious. he’d always hated snape but this just made everything 1000 times worse. even if it had happened to anyone else, he would have been fuming. but for it to have happened to lily like... yikes. 

this was also a horrible time for james though because lily rejected him for the thousandth time. like, look, what a yikes thing to think when she was just called a mudblood, but frankly he was sick of being rejected and he was sick of being the asshole who kept pressuring her so that was the breaking point --- he gave up on her. 

and tbh, he changed a lot from here on out. grew up!! became a better person bc he saw how horrible snap was and decided he was sick of horrible people!! saw, recognised and acknowledged that just bc he was hot and intelligent and rich he wasn’t always going to get everything he wanted ( see: miss evans ) and just generally learned that oh shit the world doesn’t revolve around him!!!

oh and then there was that whole thing with sirius and snape and Remus the Werewolf and ohhhh boyyyy.... that infuriated him. 

he loves his bros so much and y’all know he would die for them, but to see his friend abuse remus’ pain and suffering for his own gain was heart wrenching. it just pushed him further to pull him in line, to realise that not everything was about games, or petty rivalry, or ‘ getting the girl ’ --- life  heartache and mistakes and it was never going to go the way he wanted it to.

now look, this isn’t all to say that james is now a Super Strict, Super Intense, Brooding Weirdo. he’s still a bit of a child, and he’s still a bit of an arrogant prick, but ultimately what wins out is his morals --- every time. he wants to lead the world to a better place, without war and without hate, he wants everyone to have the same opportunities he had as a kid and he wants nothing more than for blood purity to be eradicated.

get that shit outta my house!!! gross!!!!!!

now in his final year, james is always flipping between taking his role as head boy deadly serious and turning it into one big game of mischief. he’s still a marauder at heart, after all, and has definitely abused his power sometimes for the benefit of fun and games, but when it comes down to it, he can be very strict and lowkey paternal. the leader really just.... popped right outta him, it came to play and it came hard, and really you’d think he’s minister for magic with how serious he treats it sometimes.

i hate him.

he’s a lot less intense with his hatred for slytherin’s. he has come to recognise that not everyone from that lifestyle is going to be the same, not everyone who grew up a certain way or was sorted into a certain house is going to think with a deadly mind, and while he’s still a bit wary, he’s a lot more relaxed about it, especially as head boy ( gotta at least pretend shit’s fair !!! )

ok i’m so tired this is abt to turn into a rambling mess 

uHhhHHh he’s very dependent as in like... boi cannot go a week without his friends. he is used to having people to bounce off, that’s always the type of leader he has been, and as much as he would probably be amazing at anything on his own, he’s never really tried. too scared!! i hate him!!!!!

super unforgiving. like, if you have gotten on his bad side.... i’m sorry. it is going to be very difficult to return from there. his moral compass is pretty black and white, you’re either good or your bad, and if you’ve done something he considers bad wELL sucks to be you, i guess. sorry not sorry.

takes his quidditch very seriously tbh. so many people have told him he needs to be a pro like his dad, but he’s like haha fuck you i know what i wanna do ( hint hint: he wants to rule that goddamn auror office, make that shit far more efficient then he thinks it is now ). but srsly, he’s so intense abt the game and it really like... idk gets him in the zone, keeps him level-headed in amongst all this chaos. 

i don’t know what im saying anymore pls send help

uhhhhh he’s smart. i guess. straight a’s and shit idk. just very naturally intelligent, finds everything he does easy, like.. really is that asshole who is just good at everything he does.

i’ve run out of things to say, pls just love him

WANTED CONNECTIONS

girlfriend: i hate to expose myself as a whole ass jily stan but... here i am i guess. but also, listen: he really thinks he’s over her right now. like, he truly believes his days of pestering lily evans are behind him. it was just a crush! it’s gone! ( spoiler alert: it’s not ) BUT he is so convinced that he has got himself into this relationship which is really just... a mess. like highkey it’s obvious he could never fully love her bc his Heart Belongs to Lily or whatever but he does care for her deeply and has tricked himself into believing it’s love. it’s hard, man. he’s confused. send help.

ex-girlfriend(s): more of above but like... less intense? or more intense! who knows, frankly.

childhood friend(s): i’d die for childhood friends. jake/gina dynamic? iconic. just anything, really.

odd friend: ok like... as i mentioned, he’s still kinda wary of slytherins and ppl who grew up in purist culture, but i would love love love to see someone who was one of the first to show him that not all those people are so bad. like someone from a purist family or the like who was just chill and friendly and actually befriended this asshole even when he was... well, an asshole. it’d be fun, ig. also if they eventually do end up recruited for the de’s bc of family stuff or whatever... bonus points.

rivals: i’m tired. you understand.

[gorsime]

ill delete this soon

bad cop hogwarts au

@pouncival

points to cover: houses, prefect stuff, meetings, classes, Naughty Stuff, other cats, pets, life after hogwarts, quidditch >:((, HYDRATION, teachers, uhhhhh and anything else i can think of

HOUSES: rumples a gryffindor. the sorting hat took about three seconds. alonzos a hufflepuff even tho his family have always been ravenclaws and he desperately wanted to be a gryffindor, he cried after the sorting ceremony also: jenny is huffpuff head, skimble is p much hagrid, jelly is raven, gus is gryffdor and grizabella is slytherin,,, headmaster deuteronomy lmao

PREFECT STUFF: alonzos a prefect. Obviously, i mean come on. he takes it so seriously,,, hes already dating rumple when he becomes one and she delights in the fact that he can sometimes b persuaded to let her go with a warning bc yo thats what u get for fucking a prefect,,, once she wanted to get in ravenclaw tower and she didnt know the answer to the riddle so she was like "LONZYYY I HAVE A RIDDLE THAT I NEED TO FIND THE ANSWER TO FOR HOMEWORRKKKKK" and hes a library fiend so he spent like an hour looking it up and then he told her and she was like "ok thanks im going off 2 ravenclaw tower now" and he was so distraught he took ten points from hufflepuff for helping her. the other prefects Donut Understand their relationship ghdkhgd bc mungo and rumple r worse than fred and george but eventually it gets to the point where they catch her doin some rulebreaking and shes like... do u seriously feel like dealing with me so they just go get alonzo. she gets drunk on firewhisky one time and he takes her back up to gryffindor tower and spends ten minutes trying to get the fat lady to let her in but the fat lady is annoyed and refusing and it goes like "rumple tell her the password" "nooOooOoOooOo" "do you know the password" ">:3c" "rumple teLL HER THE PASSWORD" for another half hour and eventually gives up and decides to wait for the next gryffindors to come along and let her in but the next one to come along is mungo and then its twice as bad when alonzo becomes head boy (munk is the year above them) he cries, and rumple opens her letter like I GOT HEAD GIRL??!!!!????? and hes like. What. and shes like hehehehehe just kidding who the fuck do u think i am,, also. prefects bathroom. he ends up letting her find out the password and then shes constantly in there and then Somehow (i wonder how) mungo finds out and then they have to change it before the whole school knows,,, oh my god the other prefects tease him so much and at first hes like eh..heh...yeah but after a while hes like fuck off please, stop shittalking my girlfriend to me, and he gets a wee bit defensive about it so they give up especially in their final year when hes head boyyyy

QUIDDITCH: OKAY so alonzo wanted to play quidditch as a seeker bc ofc he did right?? i mean theres so many rules. such nice uniforms. but he never made the tryouts bc he wasnt willing to take the risks needed to get the golden thingy (also, vitiligo, hes got autoimmune shit and he has 2 b careful w his health),,, rumple however. rumples grown up loving the harpies and desperately wanting to be a beater. then she meets mungo and the two of them are fucking terrifying beaters, they are So Good, its honestly the only reason why gryffindor hasnt lost the house cup every fucking year, them helping win p much every game kind of balances out all the points they lose for being shits lmao,,, we had a thought that she gets hurt sometime in a game, and alonzo is. so terribly smothering he brings in all his books to study by her bed in the hospital wing and takes notes for her and is way too cautious after that and begs her to stop playing and she just. Looks at him. :| anyway she does eventually become quidditch captain nyehehe and so shes captain, hes head boy, they are a glorious power couple,,, the nerds love alonzo, the delinquents and sportheads love rumple, together they are So Respected,, it also means she gets actual access to the prefects bathroom which changes very little except for how sneaky she has to be to get in

MEETINGS: okay so in true hogwarts au fashion they first meet on the train as first years,,, rumple: hi can i sit here (she says as shes sat down) are u muggleborn im a halfblood alonzo: im from an old wzarding family my name is draco malfuck you rumple: wow u sound like an asshole. what house r u gonna be in. im gryffindor alonzo: me too rumple: u dont seem like one alonzo: you do :// rude fuck. this is my owl her name is aegolius im pretentious rumple: cool name. this is my cat her name is gwynog GO HARPIES alonzo: ive never had physical contact with a living thing in my life can i pet her rumple: sure alonzo: soft anyway after they get sorted they never talk again. End Of Au. jks but forreal they dont talk for years until they get their electives and theyre partnered in care of magical creatures and finally talk again and it goes like rumple: hey youre that kid who cried at the sorting ceremony alonzo: rumple: sup somehow the whole Falling In Love part is the one bit we havent really talked about but it happens and its cute

id also like to add that alonzos parents are an old italian wizarding family but they pride themselves on being chic, modern wizards who incorporate certain muggle things, mostly fashion, his mums a fashion designer, so all his clothes are beautiful and tailored and more Modern than most,, ANYWAY they also Want The Best for him and when he tells them who hes dating (A HALFBLOOD RAISED AMONG MUGGLES??? A GIRL BEATER???? LOOK AT HER SCHOOL RECORDS DARLING SHES A DELINQUENT!!!!!!) and they refuse to let him stay at her house or let her come over,,, until he writes home one day like. shes captain of the quidditch team what more do u want shes going to do it professionally) and theyre Sporty Folks who are So Fucking Into Quidditch and by this point theyve realised that she's not turning him into a Bad Kid so they finally accept her

CLASSES: ive forgotten like all of their classes kmn anyway alonzo wants to be an auror. thats all he wants. thats his ambition. so he studies his ass off from day one and gets perfect grades and is a model student. rumple is. perhaps not. just think fred and george thats her and mungo, shes a terror but somehow she still manages to pass everything through an annoying natural talent. alonzos kind of hellbent on making her get good grades and they spend much of their time in the library, hes in there Every Day, he pretty much has a reserved table, rumple sits around practicing jinxes on any unfortunate passerbys and trying to pester him and/or make him kiss her he loves presentations, hes so good at them, he prepares for weeks and then the entire time rumples in the back of class making Naughty Gestures. he chokes on his water when she does presentations theyre short but shes really charismatic so he just kind of sits there staring at her like an idiot because gosh she has a nice voice rumples a pro at brooms obviously, alonzos Hella Nervous on them, he has the best and safest model, she offers to give him private lessons but really its just an opportunity for dick jokes what can u do. he gets her a really good really SAFE and fast broom for christmas one year bc what else does a rich boy get his girlfriend who kicks ass at quidditch which brings me to

NAUGHTY STUFF: kittens look away! look for like. a full three months hes like Im Not Having Sex At School Its Against the rRULES!!!!!! and rumples like. well then we either abstain until we graduate or we can do it at your parents place and. No. The Horror. he changes his mind very quickly. they happen to stumble across the room of requirement a few times when.uh. the need is great. u know how it goes. im also gonna go out on a limb and admit that alonzo is rather fond of the Luxury Baths in the prefects bathroom and rumple is very good at catching him when hes in there and enchanting the door or some shit so nobody disturbs them :-)) this is from one of those hogwarts au headcanon posts but i love it, he gives a presentation on sex ed and shit (lets pretend hogwarts is better than it is) and rumple sits in the back asking the worst questions and inside he wants to scream u KNOW what that is we did it last nIGHT

other cats: yes ok here we go. in their year is misto, victoria, admetus, mungo, coricopat, tantomile and im sure im missing people here, year above them  is munk, tugger, deme, bomba, cassandra, macavity (???!!!???) and everyone else is younger by a year or two, also worth mentioning is etcetera being rumples younger sister and theyre adorable and lovely etcetera for president of the world munk and cass or deme are probably head boy and girl of their year,  cass is dating tantomile, bombas dating demeter, alonzo has the biggest crush on munk as well (optional polyamory for u fucks) (worth saying that the reason rumple went to sneak into ravenclaw tower was to see victoria btw),,, alonzo and victoria are head boy and girl of their year, and probably jemima andddddddd idk maybe g eorge fuck me man idk admetus is another prefect, so's tantomile tbh,,, id say victoria but she wants to focus on her studies

PETS: alonzo has this beautiful eagle owl, scariest of all owls, her name is aegoleius (pronounced ay-JEE-lee-us) it means bird of prey and he adores her. shes beautifully trained. rumple has a kitty that im personally in love with who is basically rumpleteazer as a cat lol shes a calico but her name is gwenog after the famous beater of the harpies <33333 eventually they'll get another cat thatll be a suspiciously familiar black and white patched triangle shorthair named Faolan (sorta like FWAY-larn) even tho it means little wolf because he thought it sounded cool and he read it in a book and thought it was pronouned faow-lahn, honestly they probably end up getting a whole ton of cats

LIFE AFTER HOGWARTS: WOO im excited for this bit. okay. so. alonzo wants to be an auror. hes spent his whole life training for this. he immediately applies after graduation and gets in and starts his rigorous three year training process. in the meantime rumples gone into professional quidditch, and shes really really good at it but shes like.... this isnt fun anymore. bc its not just a school game anymore, its a professional sport, and what do u mean u cant jinx the opponents!!!! so for a while she just helps him train "ok so if you walk like THIS and use this charm your footsteps will be totally silent blah blah boh my god i should be an auror" and hes like. You. want to be an auror. and shes like. Yup. and its a damn good thing he was so obsessive about her getting good marks bc her newts are good enough that she can apply. they do a criminal record check, but mind u that altho rumples done naughty stuff, shes never actually. Been Caught doing anything particularly bad. so her record is somehoW CLEAN and she gets in. its a miracle. "what did you do. who did you blackmail" "i sucked every single aurors dick lonzy" "HOW DID YOU GET IN" "EVERY! SINGLE! DICK!" but hes also really really prouD AND THAT MEANS THEY CAN HELP EACH OTHER TRAIN!!!!! cue training montage. rumple pulls a tonks and coasts thru a lot of it rlly easily and almost fails some but they both eventually graduate and become aurors and work together and she covers her trenchcoat in patches and he keeps asking if he has to wear his because sweet jesus it is ugly ITS BROWN, and at this point his parents r more than content with rumple lmao, anyway they live together in a lovely little house that is kept in perfect order, rumple enchants EVERYTHING to talk, its cute, fucking domestic shit yes please

HYDRATION LOL look this isnt even important but alonzo is so deeply into that health shit. he only eats dark chocolate, and most importantly he fucking loves spending time in the kitchen with jenny. she cooks, he makes custom face masks, and also infused water. so much infused water. he has different """recipes""" and he always has a bottle of lovely chilled water with fucking apple and ginger and lemongrass shit in it that he made the night before, and since rumple fucking hates drinking anything thats not tropical sunshine punch fruit juice he constantly is trying to figure out a recipe of infused water that she'll drink becUSE ITS NOT HEALTHY RUMPLE!!!!!!!! YOU NEED WATER, but she thinks its disgusting and eventually he gives up and carries a bottle of juice with him in case he sees her because its better than nothing,

yeah ok im,,,,, i assume there will be more to come but for now this is what u get