#my previous supervisor used to include a pun at the start of his daily tagup meeting powerpoints

[aminoasinine]

full time corporate employment simulator

you: playing minecraft while working from home

your assignment: If you work on me just a little bit I promise I won't become obsolete due to scope change the week before you finish this time ;) nevermind lmao project just got cancelled bye

email: EMPLOYEE HAS MANDATORY ONLINE TRAINING DEADLINE. Our yoga room is open again! Click here to see our healthy living tips and tricks newsletter! That stupid fuckhead from the other software department added you to a random peer review again! STACY FROM HR NEEDS YOUR CUI FORMS- sign up for the christmas choir!!

coworker who controls your entire workflow with his admin privileges: oughhhh im so busyyyy I can't give you repo access till next month :(((

boss who doesn't know how to text without sounding mad at you: call me right now immediately [waits a full 20 minutes for you to have a panic attack before picking up the phone] can you email me the link to that document thanks

microsoft teams: I'm just having a really bad mental health day.... can you please not have any meetings today thanks I've cancelled them

coworker 2: I'm telling everybody I meet about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It's all about raisin awareness.