#my posts! 💪🏼🐧

[beefcake-penguin]

I commissioned Gracie, aka: @iwishicoulddrawheatherforaliving to draw this silly little idea in my head and she made the most amazing comic!!! LOOK AT IT! I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!! Please look at it (and scream over how adorable it is) with me:

I can't say enough how great the commission process was, so I encourage anyone who loves this as much as I do who would like some beautiful art to commission her! Or even just check out Gracie's ko-fi page and support this wonderful artist!

[beefcake-penguin]

Lena: “Kara, that's the dumbest pick up line I've ever heard” 🙄

Lena: "..."

Lena: *starts unbuttoning her blouse, grabs Kara by her potsticker-print necktie, and drags her towards the bedroom* "And it absolutely worked" 🙄

Kara: "Golly!" 😳😀

Kara: Did it hurt?

Lena, sighing: When I fell from heav-

Kara: When you fell from the vending machine?

Lena: …

Kara: ‘Cause you’re a snack.

[beefcake-penguin]

NEW GRACIE @heeeygracie MASTERPIECE - commissioned by yours beefly (beefcake yours truly) 💪🏼🐧 - JUST DROPPED!!!

LOOKIT THESE ADORABLE BABIES!!! 🥺😭🥰😍

(I imagine Lena was working on a new suit for Kara (and to help better show off Kara's butt) and lost track of time (because she was staring at pictures of Kara's butt) just before Kara finds her here)

[beefcake-penguin]

Lena: *sitting in grumpy silence on Kara's lap* 😡

Kara: *looking beefishly humbled* 😔

Alex: *whispering to Nia* "What's the matter with those dorks this time?" 🤨

Nia: *trying not to laugh* "Lena found out that Kara's been referring to her pregnancy as 'The Milf-ening' and she was... not amused." 🤭

[beefcake-penguin]

Kara: *bursting beefishly into L-Corp* "I have come here to chew bubblegum and clap Lena-cheeks! 😤"

Lena: 😳

Kara: "And I'm all out of bubblegum! 😏" *tosses Lena over her shoulder, gives the Fabled Luthor Rump™ a nice and firm pat/spank, and carries off a bewildered Lena while whistling a beefishly jaunty tune*

Jess: *starting to reschedule Lena's week with a long-suffering sigh* 🙄

[beefcake-penguin]

[Meanwhile]

Kara: *beefishly overjoyed* "She said 'okay', Alex! I'm going to propose to her tomorrow! 😍"

Alex: "I'm nowhere near drunk enough to deal with you two right now. 🙄"

Kara: I love you

Lena, panicking: Okay

[Later]

Lena, laying on Sam’s couch in her office: I need to die. This time for real.

Sam: Lena, you’re not dying. Besides, I want to see how deep of a hole you can dig yourself.

Lena: I fucking hate you.

[beefcake-penguin]

Kara: *bridal carrying Lena* "I'll take care of you"

Lena: *nuzzling into Kara's beefy neck/shoulder area* "It's rotten work... and I'll bite you"

Kara: "Not to me. Not if it's y- wait, what?"

Lena: *wicked little grin on her face and pupils dilate like a cat's*

Lena: *CHOMP!!!*

Kara: "YeeOUCH!!!"

[beefcake-penguin]

Kara: answering the phone in a beefsnesslike (beefcake businesslike) tone "Hello? 😐"

Alex: "Hey Kara! Um… am I interrupting something?"

Kara: still with the same beefishly focused tone "N-no… 😐"

Alex: suspicious "Well… what are you up to, then? 🤨"

Kara: beefishly casual "Oh, just ravishing my beloved wife. 😐"

Lena: in the background "hi alex! 😊"

Alex: mortified "Rav- wha- you mean you're- 😟😨 Kara! Why the hell are you answering the phone if you're 'doing the do' with Lena?!"

Kara: beefter-of-factly (beefcake matter-of-factly) "I've been told I'm an excellent multi-tasker. 😏"

Alex: disgusted "Ugh… just let the call go to voicemail. Please!"

Kara: beefpologetic (beefcake apologetic) "Okay… 😔"

Alex: hangs up and waits a full ten minutes before calling back "don'tpickup-don'tpickup-don'tpickup…"

~ Kara's voicemail activates ~

Alex: "Thank god…"

Kara's voicemail message: "Hello. 😐 You've reached Editor-in-Beef (beefcake Editor-in-Chief) of CatCo Media and occasional Super-edGirl, Kara Zor-El Luthor-Danvers. 😐 I'm unable to answer the phone at the moment, likely because I'm currently ravishing my beloved wife-"

Alex: throwing her phone across the room "UGH!!! 😫"

[beefcake-penguin]

Alex: *proudly* "I'm here to report that 'Operation: Lena-napping' has been carried out successfully! 😌"

Kara: "Oh that's great! She always works too hard and forgets to maintain a healthy sleep-schedule and she can be so stubborn when I try to ask her to take a break. So how did you and Nia manage to finally convince her to take a nap?"

Alex: "🤨"

Alex: "🤔"

Alex: "😳"

Alex: *dashes out the door without another word*

[Meanwhile]

Nia: *whistling happily as she drives around with a bound and gagged Lena in the back of her van* "Kara's gonna be so happy when she finds out we 'napped you!"

[beefcake-penguin]

Okay folks! Here goes!

Shuffle your ON REPEAT playlist and list the first 10 songs, then tag 10 people.

(I was tagged by my beloved tumblr homie: @katiemcgrathisdaddyaf. Thanks broski! 🐧❤🐧)

Thru - Vallis Alps

People as Places as People - Modest Mouse

Weird Goodbyes - The National ft. Bon Iver

California - The Lagoons

I, Carrion - Hozier

Linger - The Cranberries

Fast Car - Tracy Chapman

Jesus Christ - Brand New

Read My Mind - The Killers

Forever - Breaking Benjamin

I am beefishly tagging: @appropriatelystupid @ostropest @valdier @eh-justanaveragefan @occidentaltourist @ghostdork @thatgaypenguin @ashesheavenlydelights @dragomirkingsman @jigglypants

(No pressure, homies! Only beefspond (beefcake respond) if you want to! 💪🏼🐧)

Tagged by @fazedlight !!

Shuffle your ON REPEAT playlist and list the first 10 songs, then tag 10 people.

Francesca - Hozier

Southern Comfort - Larkin Poe

Bad Spell - Larkin Poe

Nobody Like U - 4*TOWN

Hate it When You See Me Cry - Halestorm

Midnight Rain - Taylor Swift

lacy - Olivia Rodrigo

all-american bitch - Olivia Rodrigo

gold rush - Taylor Swift

Bolt Cutters & the Family Name - Larkin Poe

Tagging: @rizz-god @a-little-ferret @cookie-druid @despite-the-nora @kestrelgreys @samaelschain @beefcake-penguin @verthanthi @xamiipholia @nico-demons

[beefcake-penguin]

Nia: "Wow, Lena... I've never noticed how gay - uh, I mean - how big your hands are... 🥵"

Lena: *smirking with devilish inspiration* "Oh yeah. I can palm a basketball. 😏"

Kara: *chortling with beefmusement (beefcake amusement)* "I don't think that's true, my lov-"

Lena: *firmly grabs and clutches a handful of Kara's ass*

Kara: 😳

Lena: "Now... do you wanna see me dribble? 😏😈"

Alex: *shouted down the hall as she flees the apartment* "One game night. I want just ONE game night that doesn't end with one of you two grabbing the other's ass! Is that too much to ask? 😤😡"

[beefcake-penguin]

Kara: *whispering to the person on her right* "Lena has no idea that I'm going to wifenap her! 😏"

Lena: "You're going to wifenap me?! ☺"

Kara: "Oh golly! I mean... uh... nevermind... 😳"

Kara: "..."

Kara: *whispering to the person on her left* "Lena has no idea that I'm goin-"

Alex: *bonks Kara on the head with a cardboard tube to interrupt her*

Kara: *pouting because now the element of surprise is ruined AND she's been thoroughly bonked* 😔

[beefcake-penguin]

*Kara & Lena are making out, grumpily* 😡😡

Alex: "What are you two idiots doing?"

Kara: *beefishly angry* "We're having a beefgument (beefcake argument). Harrumph!" 😤

Lena: *pouting* "She's having a beefgument. I'm having a normal argument with this stubborn beeffoon (beefcake buffoon)" 🙄

Alex: *pinching the bridge of her nose as she feels a migraine coming on from having to deal with insufferablecorp* "Lena, you are literally sitting in Kara's lap and making out with her. And Kara... both of your hands are kneading Lena's ass like you're making biscuits. You morons call this an argument?!"

Kara & Lena: *exchange a glance with each other and then look back incredulously at Alex* "Just because we're fighting doesn't mean the kissies have to stop" 🥺🥺

Alex: *rolling her eyes hard enough that they're in danger of rolling right out of her head* "Okay, nevermind. Can I at least know what exactly you dweebs are arguing about?"

Kara & Lena: "We can't decide who has the hottest wife."

Alex: 😑 "... You idiots... are married to EACH OTHER!" 😡

Kara: "Yeah, and clearly my shapely wife," *gestures dramatically at Lena sitting pretty in her lap* "is absolutely the hottest woman alive!"

Lena: *pouting even more* "No! MY wife" *gestures at the beefcake currently squeezing on her rumpcheeks* "is the hottest woman in the universe!"

Kara: "No! My wife is the hottest!"

Lena: "LIAR!"

Kara: "FIEND!"

*both of them resume angrily making out, with dramatically increased intensity*

Alex: "Damn it! Stop sucking face, you goons! Okay, how about this? Kara, we'll agree that your wife," *gestures at Lena* "is the hottest!"

Lena: "But-mmph!"

Alex: *covering Lena's mouth with her hand so she can't interrupt* "And Lena, we'll agree that your wife," *points at Kara* "is the most beefsome (beefcake handsome). What do you two morons think about that?" 🤨

Kara & Lena: *exchange a glance as they consider Alex's proposition* 🤔🤔

Kara: *shrugs* "I beefpose (beefcake suppose) that's beefceptable (beefcake acceptable)" 🧐

Lena: *nods* "She is pretty beefsome, now that you mention it..." 😍🥰

Kara: "I'm so sorry we were arguing, my love!" 😢

Lena: "No, I'm sorry we were arguing!" 😢

*Kara & Lena start making out, apologetically* 🥺🥺

Alex: "Oh, for fuck's sake! I give up! Evacuate the Tower everyone! These dorks aren't going to be stopping anytime soon!" *storms out of the room as the obnoxious sounds of smoochcorp resume with gusto*

[beefcake-penguin]

Make a poll of your favourite female characters and see which your followers like the most! I got double-tagged by my be(ef)loved mutuals @occidentaltourist and @fazedlight. Thanks, friends! 💪🏽😄

No-beefsure (beefcake no-pressure) tags for my tumblr broskis: @lonelydiary , @dragomirkingsman , @ninjacool89 , @thatonebirdwrites , @goldrushgold , @ostropest , @katiemcgrathisdaddyaf , @dancedance-resolution , and anyone else who sees this and would like to beefticipate (beefcake participate) 💪🏽🐧

[beefcake-penguin]

Pretty sure you’re the tallest penguin to ever live. What are they feeding you?

Beefhaps (beefcake perhaps) I'm an emperor penguin? 💪🏼🐧

Or some kind of strange, beefy-penguin/sasquatch hybrid? 💪🏼🤔

[beefcake-penguin]

hello I am bothering you with questions and statements!!

you are amazing. how are you doing this evening? (or whatever timezone)

Ough! Beefthering (beefcake bothering) me?! With beefstions (beefcake questions) and beefments (beefcake statements)?! My friend... my broski... my beefrade (beefcake comrade)... how could such a thing from you ever be a beefther (beefcake bother)? 🐧❤🐧 *penguin hug*

To answer your beefstion: I just cooked me up some of my beefmous (beefcake famous) taco-stuffed bell peppers and my tendency to overdo it on the cooking batch means I will have leftovers all weekend! The beefy gods have smiled on me! 💪🏼🐧