#my phone kinda sucks so I didn’t get good pics but I got plenty of vids lmaooo

[redjukebox]

Went to a Ricky Montgomery concert last night and oh my god

Seeing pictures and videos of him online does NOT compare to seeing him live

He is so so so pretty

Also his energy is insane

[yet-another-fan-girl9]

Blackouts at the Bank

Summary: You get locked into a bank along with Captain America during a city-wide blackout.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings: Language

Word Count: 1348

Square Filled: Locked In with a Cute Stranger

A/N: This *is* a F.R.I.E.N.D.S. plot, buuuut it’s not an AU and therefore this will fill another square.

For @star-spangled-bingo​ 2021.

Star Spangled Bingo 2021 Masterlist

The bank sucked. Well, you weren’t even really in the bank, just the ATM room. Was there a better name for it? Probably. Your mind drifted off while you waited for the grey haired woman in front of you to withdraw some cash. Did people really use cash anymore? You were only here because you had to pay your grandmother back, and God forbid that she learns how to use Venmo or PayPal.

A glance around the room told you that the majority of the five people, the woman ahead of you and a couple at the ATM next to the right, were at least fifty or older. The only outliers were you and a tall man in the back, his cap casting a shadow over his face, his jacket collar pulled up as well. Oh, God, you hoped he didn’t have any malicious intentions. Tall, broad shouldered, good posture (albeit his efforts to make himself smaller), he, most likely, did not fall into the category of the others in the room.

He shifted and you realized that you may have been staring at him for a bit too long. You turned your gaze back to the woman in front of you and then to the window. It was already getting dark outside, the New York City lights flashing along with the chorus of cars honking.

The grey haired woman finished her withdrawal and you stepped up to the machine. Now, the problem with not using cash is that you don’t really know what you’re doing. Sure, the ATM gives you instructions, but you took your time. By the time you finished, the couple had left and the tall man was reading the directions on his ATM. You had gotten used to his presence and was pretty sure that he wasn’t going to cause any trouble, but you sure as hell weren’t going to be left alone with a strange man.

You walked to the exit, but the moment before you touched the door, the lights went out and you heard the bank’s locks engage. Oh, shit. You pushed on the door, just in case, but it didn’t budge. Great. This was fan-fucking-tastic.

The man you were trapped with was silent, save for the soft muttering. Your eyes adjusted to the dim room and you saw the man leaning against a wall. You moved over to the opposite wall and busied yourself with fishing your phone out of your pocket. You kept glancing at the man. Should you say something? Neither of you knew how long you were going to be trapped in here. Would it make things more or less awkward if you spoke? Luckily you didn’t have to make that decision.

“I guess we’re stuck, huh?” the man said. He had taken off his hat and it took you a moment to place his face, but when the realization hit, you almost evaporated. You were stuck in a goddamned ATM room with Captain fucking America.

“Yep,” you replied after enough seconds to make it weird and nodded. “Stuck.” Why did you have to be so fucking awkward? You fiddled with your jewelry and looked around the room, anywhere except directly at the Avenger.

The sound of a phone ringing startled you and you hoped the Captain didn’t notice. He answered and in an attempt to not eavesdrop, you looked at a poster hanging on the wall next to you. Unfortunately, it was too dark to actually make out the words, but you kept staring at it.

“Yes, I’m okay. I’m just trapped in an ATM vestibule.”

Vestibule. Was that a word? If Captain America said so, then yes. You brought your attention back to your phone when it vibrated in your hand.

Thing 1: u good?

You: yes. just trapped at the bank

Thing 2: We got lots of candles lit. Might cast a funky little spell

A photo of your two roommates with a shit ton of candles followed.

“No, I’m not alone, there’s a girl here,” you heard Captain America say. It was hard to not eavesdrop. “No, Buck, I can’t just break out, it’s a bank. Yeah, okay, bye.”

You: im not alone tho. im stuck with captain america

Thing 2: oMG really?

Thing 1: pics plz

Thing 2: That’s so lucky.

Thing 1: get his #

Thing 2: We’ll cast a spell to help you get his number.

Thing 1: im calling u

You: oh no

“Hello?” you answered your phone ready for the onslaught of questions from your roommates.

“We need proof,” they yelled through the phone. “Talk to him! Get a pic!”

Even though you were on the other side of the vestibule and your volume was relatively low, the Captain glanced at you. Doesn’t he have enhanced hearing or something? Ah, fuck.

“I’m ignoring you now, bye,” you said into the phone before hanging up, completely shutting it off, and shoving it into your pocket.

“So do you want a photo?” He grinned.

“Oh, no, I don’t need a photo,” you chuckled and looked at your feet.

You absolute fucking idiot. Of course you need a photo. You would die for a photo. If Captain fucking America offers you a photo, you say yes, goddamn it. But, of course, you said no. You could always change your mind. If you came out of this without even a photo, no one would believe you.

“Actually, a photo would be wonder-awe-great. A photo would be great, please.” Fuck, fuck, fuck. Stop being so awkward. Please.

He walked over to your side of the room and you heard your rapid heartbeats in your ears. You hoped you looked okay. It’s not like you dressed up to withdraw some cash.

“Uh, sorry, I turned off my phone because, roomies, you know,” you explained and rubbed your palms on your jeans.

“That’s alright. I can always send them to you.”

You nodded and smiled for the photo, trying to not focus on his close proximity.

“Where am I sending the picture?” You gave him your number and began to fidget with your jewelry again. “You know,” he said with a smile. “One would think this was an elaborate way to get my number.”

“What? Oh, no, I-I’m not,” you stopped yourself with a sigh.

“Don’t worry about it,” the Captain laughed. “So,” he paused for your name and you quickly gave it to him. “What brought you here?”

“I needed some cash for something completely legal.”

“Cash is kinda going out of fashion, isn’t it?”

You shrugged and leaned against the wall. “I need to pay my grandmother back, hence the cash.”

Captain America was, what? Technically in his nineties? Older? He would still be used to cash right? But why did he have to come out here? Didn’t Tony Stark have plenty of resources at the Avengers Tower?

“Well, Tony’s birthday is coming up,” he explained when you asked. “And he’s actually quite good at figuring out what you got for him. We all have to be sneaky, some of us have even gotten decoy gifts.”

***

“My aim sucks,” you laugh at yourself and go to retrieve the hair tie that you had flicked at a poster.

“Well,” the Captain, or as he repeatedly told you to call him Steve, said, drawing out the word.

“It’s fine.”

“Here, let me show you.”

He moved behind you and put his arms around you to help you position the hair tie.

“See, if you place the band higher up, it flies off easier,” he whispered, his breath tickling your neck. “So we aim and we release.”

As the band flew off your finger, the lights flickered back on.

“Oh, well I guess we’re free to go,” you sighed. “I hope we see each other again.”

Steve opened the door, the crisp spring air washing over you. “I have your number anyway.”

He waved as he walked the other way. You got your phone out and turned it back on. The first thing you did was update your phone’s wallpaper to the picture with a giddy smile.

[wren-bishop]

Bishop Gameroom // The boys

Wren, Stevie, Jesse, and Chase get together to go over some text messages. 

@stevie-summers @jessekxller @chase-stephens​

Wren: Wren was sitting with his phone plugged into the TV to cast, "Seriously, look at these" he said, happy they were having a moment away from Jonah. He felt bad about it all.

Jesse: Jesse watched as the text messages played came up on the tv. "Oh my god." He said speachless

Wren: "Also! I posted this instagram story at [insert time] and she tweeted, hear me out at [insert time]. Am I crazy??? She's tweeting about me, right?" said Wren feeling like a maniac.

Stevie: Stevie couldn't help but laugh, "This girl is really a piece of work."

Jesse: Jesse's eyes went wide. "Oh yeah thats def about you, but you could chill with the grey. My poor eyes can't unsee that."

Wren: "I wasn't thinking about that" said Wren, "I was just tryna be confident, gimme a break. Also trying to catch a new honey" he added.

Chase: Chase rolled up, "hey guys, she has strep so I'm here and why is Wren's gray sweatpants thirst trap just chillin on the tv?" said Chase as he sat down on the couch, Wren caught him up to speed and showed the texts. "So is anyone gonna tell Jonah?" he asked.

Stevie: "You look dude. Nothing wrong with showing off a bit." Stevie told Wren with a smile before turning her attention to Chase. "Not it! I got nothing to do with this. This one's on you guys."

Chase: "Can't someone just tell Juliette? I feel like she gives him bad news all the time" said Chase, hoping to god it wouldn't be him. But lets be honest, it was totally going to be him.

Jesse: Jesse shook his head "I would... but Me + Jonah + devyn = a bad discussio"

Jesse: "I just..... I can't believe she called you daddy right up in there.."

Wren: "Right? At first I was kinda into getting even with Jonah, but she kept mentioning him and then hitting on me? Like I'm usually not good with this stuff ... but even I noticed" said Wren

Jesse: "And people look at me sideways when I say she plays them mind games. The 'I only think of you' meanwhile she trynna slide down my pants and yours"

Wren: "In my defense, I am horny and weak ... and she's so hot" said Wren with a wince, "but I think she might legit be nuts, also did you see that thing about how she said I'm friends with nerds?? The audacity when she's wanted like half of us"

Stevie: "You think she would've learned after screwing you over." Stevie motioned her head towards Jesse. "I guess Chase is next." she patted the boy's back.

Chase: "I mean, she called me a perv ... so I think that I'm safe for now" said Chase, "also two out of three of these conspiracies are traaaaaaaaaaaash. Riley not being blind? That's a low blow" he added, kinda annoyed.

Jesse: "Yeah, shes hot be let me be real. Her head game is weak and the sex is kinda boring." Jesse said with a shrug. "Bro. I heard that the car accident she was in was like.. really bad. She told me she was in the hospital for months."

Stevie: "Couldn't be me." Stevie shook her head. "But yeah, I'm not really sure why she would think Riley would lie about something like that."

Jesse: "She said its because shes good at cheer." Jesse said pulling out his phone and pulluing up her instagram and scrolling. "Whats a worlds champion?" He said before watching some videos from before her accident. "Oh my god how does someone do flips like that????" He said a bit shook. "I don't think shes lying. I've witnessed her walk into a door once"

Chase: "Riley was the best on the team before the accident, and she definitely still kicks ass" said Chase.

Wren: "The sex was boring? Not doing that again" said Wren with an eyeroll.

Jesse: "And shes hot." Jesse pointed out. "Go griffin, hot and flexiable" He said with a laugh. "Was Val boring in bed too? God I got lucky with Olivia."

Wren: "We only fucked once" said Wren, "didn't even get my dick sucked" admitted Wren.

Stevie: "So hot." Stevie smiled to herself. "Cut these girls some slack, at least you all get off by the end of it." she teased them. "But seriously dude, get your dick sucked. Have fun."

Wren: "People keep playing me, do I just look like I enjoy used by girls with no perks?" asked Wren, half joking.

Jesse: "stop!" Jesse said shaking his head. "You deserve it all, wrenny." Jesse added on. "Okay but like, If imma go down on her, she should at least return the favor." Jesse pointed out. "What if you gave all the head and didn't get any back?" he asked Stevie

Stevie: "That's gotta be someone's kink." Stevie said as a joke. "I'm sure you'll get your dick sucked soon." she gave Wren a thumbs up. "Well that's just being inconsiderate. I like to hookup with nice people that care about making me feel good as well." she said, placing her hand over her heart.

Wren: "I swear to god, cone of silence ... looking at you Chase. But I've never gotten head, only given it" said Wren, kind of embarrassed.

Jesse: "Wren, baby. You have to be more assertive." Jesse pointed out. "But Devyn would prob do it if you asked her, but like I said. It was weak." He added in. "But we can't deny shes a simp for simp nation"

Wren: "Girls just aren't into me. Maybe I should just take Asher up on his offer" joked Wren, well about the second half. "She is! That's what makes no sense" he replied.

Stevie: "Dude, how many times do I have to tell you? Girls are into you. I wouldn't lie to you." Stevie shook her head. "I mean I heard Asher already made himself quite comfortable in your room at the party so..."

Jesse: "Careful. Make sure that boy gets tested before you even look at him." He said with a laugh. "There are plenty of single hot girls in this school that would love you blow you." Jesse took out his phone again. "You guys should see the texts between me and devyn"

Chase: Chase kept his damn mouth shut about the fact that it did not happen.

Wren: Wren passed the connector to Jesse, "Feel free to demonstrate to the class" he said.

Stevie: "God there's more?" Stevie asked after laughing

Jesse: Jssse plugged in his phone. “This is the text message saying she thinks about me and my dick when she is in bed alone” he said before scrolling a big more up. “This is her telling me how much she likes my dick and then throws in a hope it runs in the family comment. Like gross.” He said before scrolling to the bottom “and this is her apologizing for it because I actually stood up for myself and let’s not forget how she tweeted the world that I was small.”

Wren: "Yeah calling a man small, not cool" said Chase, war flashbacks to the gossip blog anons.

Jesse: “I’m not even small and hate to share I’m not even average.” He said with a shrug. “She just trying to make all the girls think I am so they stay away but jokes on her because Olivia loves me and not just for my dick size”

Wren: "Not to shit on her sexuality and stuff, but what's with the dick obsession? And voicing it that much? Like if I tweeted about boobs like that, I would be absolutely cancelled" said Wren.

Jesse: “I heard she made out with that blond girl, Kelly’s sister. Maybe she’s gay.AND and. During spin the bottle she made out with Riley.”

Stevie: Stevie tried holding in her laugh when she read his response saying he was hard. Men. So weak. "So uh, did you ever tell Olivia about these?" she asked with raised brows.

Jesse: “I told her” he said simply. He didn’t want to say that he kissed her but they probably knew since devyn also tweeted that he was a cheater. “Told her how she was all over me and begging. Also told Jonah that but I’d love to hear how she is twisting that around even when she asked me to go back to her house with her.”

Wren: "So someone needs to tell Jonah" said Wren, kinda worried about him, "He shoulda just stayed with my sister"

Stevie: Stevie let out a sigh, "This shit is such a mess." she said as if she wasn't dealing with her own mess with girls. "Yeah like soon." she agreed. "How is she by the way?" she asked Wren.

Jesse: “Well it won’t be me. I don’t want him to think I’m doing it out of jealousy or some shit. But I also don’t want to see him hurt but like... I don’t want to give him another reason to hate me and is not talk again,”

Wren: "She's vulnerable and will hurt anyone" said Wren, "so don't try anything. Just talk to your little internet girlfriend"

Jesse: Jesse gave wren a look before pulling up rorys Instagram which presented into the tv.

Stevie: Stevie looked over at Wren with wide eyes before hitting his arm, "I wasn't going to try anything, and she's not my girlfriend."

Wren: "Guys, we're twins. Can we not do this?" said Wren with an exaggerated sigh.

Jesse: “Oh don’t worry. We are going to your page next.” He said before switching to wrens.  “Devyn was right. You are hot.” He said playfully

Stevie: "Sooo hot." Stevie nodded her head and winked at Wren.

Wren: "I haven't managed to post enough to get the pictures of Chanel down on my page" said Wren, "or Valerie" he said realizing he should have probably said that first.

Jesse: “That’s what the delete button is for” he said pointing out. “Or the acrhive feature so it doesn’t delete them but they are hidden”

Stevie: "His heart couldn't handle deleting them." Stevie said, nudging Wren.

Wren: "I like the pictures, it's just ... they don't need to be at the top of my feed" said the boy, "haha very funny Steve"

Stevie: "They do look good in these pictures." Stevie looked through the pictures he had with the girls. "We can do like a whole photoshoot and get some sweet pics. It'll be fun. My parents have one nice ass camera we can use."

Jesse: "We can take some thirst traps and put them all up. Some snazzy captions abou how we are not all losers." Jesse pointed out as well

Wren: "Turtlenecks?" said Wren half joking, his sister had put him in one and he rather liked it. He'd never lived anywhere cold before, and he knew Stevie always commented on them.

Jesse: "I should invest in some turtle necks, i think people are tired of seeing me in plain long sleeves." He said playfully, thats really all he wore. "Are they really comfortable?"

Stevie: "Ah you know I just love the turtlenecks." Stevie teased her friend. "I think they are. We can all wear one and have one festive ass photoshoot. I'll make some corny family Christmas cards with the pictures. It'll be great." she said jokingly.

Wren: “Sounds like a plan to me” said Wren putting in a game. “But enough of that, let’s blow off some steam, boys and Steve” he said tossing each of them a controller.

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Two Hundred Eighty-Two: A New Car ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata, Uchiha Itachi ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: The World’s a Stage ] [ AO3 Link ]

What’s the fun of money if you never spend it? Now, granted...Sasuke’s made some rather questionable purchases over the course of his career. But this is one he can’t seem to bring himself to regret.

He’s always been a sucker for cars...especially fast ones. He’s been to a track a few times to drive the latest and greatest models in horsepower, hugging curves and speeding down straight stretches. There’s a rush to going that fast and feeling the earth fly by beneath him that gets his heart pounding like nothing else.

So, after some debating, he went and got himself a speedster of his own.

A rockstar has money to burn, after all...isn’t it typical to blow it on stuff like this? At least he’s avoided the really terrible ideas like drugs or sex. A car might come with its own set of risks, but...he can handle them.

His manager (who works double time as his brother) is a little exasperated at the purchase, but in the end it’s Sasuke’s decision. “Just...promise me you’ll be careful with it.”

“I’m not that stupid,” the younger sibling assures him with a grin. “Not about to turn myself into a smear on the pavement. The only place this baby’s gonna fly is on the track, Itachi. Calm down.”

That, and...well, they live a rather large city on the coast, with miles of open desert roads not too far from the city limits. A notorious straight stretch has been calling Sasuke’s name for months. And as willing as he typically is to keep his promises to his brother...this one thing he just can’t deny himself.

It’s a hot, dry day like most others. AC keeping the interior pleasantly cool, Sasuke casually makes his way out of town to the east. There’s light traffic, but after a few offshoots...he finds himself alone. Nothing but him, the car, and the open road.

A grin slowly grows across his face, hands on the gear shift and foot resting lightly against the pedal. Then, the pressure slowly grows, shifting each time the engine reaches a new peak. Speed gathers seemingly exponentially until he’s practically flying down the roadway. A lightness overtakes his chest, and he feels a kind of freedom that - as of late - has seemed all but lost.

...that is...until he sees something on the horizon.

Fearing it may be a cop, Sasuke’s snapped from his euphoria, and quickly (but safely) begins to slow down. The closer he gets, the more it looks like a car pulled to the side of the road. Why a cop would be randomly stinging this far down the road seems...odd. Unless it’s to catch fools like himself looking to fly without wings.

But...no. That’s not a cop car. A little SUV tilts slightly down into the surrounding desert, clearly pulled over for a reason, flashers going and looking altogether in distress.

...this isn’t good. They’re miles and miles from town by now. Weighing his options - it could be some kind of trap - Sasuke slows and pulls up alongside the vehicle.

The driver’s side door is open, and from it, sitting sideways in her seat, a young woman is clearly just...waiting. Her head lifts in surprise as he stops, eyes flickering just as suspiciously.

Sasuke rolls down the passenger window. “You, uh...okay?”

For a moment she doesn’t answer, obviously not eager to talk to a stranger. “...it just, um...gave out on me,” is her eventual reply.

“Somebody coming to tow it?”

“Yeah, but...they said they won’t be here for another hour…”

“What?! That’s nuts! You’re gonna bake alive out here, it’s like 105!”

Her lips settle into a grim line. “Yeah, it’s...not fun.”

“Is no one able to come pick you up?”

“Everyone I know is either at work or...out of town.”

“Well, shit. You need a ride?”

“...um…” The wary look returns.

“I know you don’t know me, but uh…” He gestures vaguely, not wanting to pull this card, but… “I’m Sasuke Uchiha. Ever heard of me?”

“Uh...no?”

“I’m a singer. One of those Hollywood assholes. But I swear I’m not the kidnapping people sort of asshole. I just don’t want you stuck out here with no air. That’s torture. Look...you got cell signal?”

“...yeah…?”

“Text someone you know, tell them what’s up. Hell, take a pic with me to prove it. That way if anything happens, someone’ll know, and they can come arrest my ass. But seriously...I just wanna help. You look miserable, and I’ve got a fast, cool ride back into town. Take you wherever you need to go. Scout’s honor.”

She still looks skeptical, but...after thinking over his suggestion, she replies, “...okay.” A bit sheepishly, she gets out of her car, Sasuke parking his in front. Opening a text, she does as suggested, taking a picture with him and sending a brief message.

“Lemme call my brother, too - he can probably help sort things out with your car.”

“Oh, wait - that’s not -?”

“This kinda thing sucks. And I’ve got the means to make it a little easier,” Sasuke insists, cutting off her refusal and dialing the proper number. “Not to be an asshole, but it won’t be a big dent for me. I dunno your situation, but a little help never hurts, right?”

“Why are you...doing this?”

“Why not? You’re in a pinch, I can step in...why wouldn’t I? If I was a jerk, I’d have just waved on my way by. But I’m not. My mama taught me better. Hey, Itachi? Need you to do me a solid. I’ve got a lady here, her car’s broke down, needs a tow…” He moves his phone aside. “Who’s towing it?”

“Um...I think the company is called...Geiger?”

“Geiger. Yeah. We’re probably...I dunno, thirty miles east? Wasn’t paying attention. Yeah, they said it’d be an hour. I say bullshit. I’ll cover it, yeah.” He lifts a hand to cut off her insistence otherwise. “...mhm. Okay, cool. Whatever the shops asks, too. I’ll bring her in so she can get all the paperwork out of the way. Just let them know we’re on our way, I’ll handle the rest. Yup. You’re the best, big bro.” Grinning cheekily against the screen, Sasuke then hangs up. “All right, he’s gonna get everything arranged, so all we gotta do is get you to the shop they’re hauling it to.”

“...you really don’t have to do all this…”

“Consider it karma. I just got a new car. Yours is throwing a fit. It’s only fair. And like I said, I wanna help. My mom’d tan my hide if she heard I did anything less. Which...reminds me, what’s your name?”

“...Hinata.”

“Already said it, but I’m Sasuke. Nice to meet you, circumstances aside. Now, let’s get you back into town. It’ll probably still be a while before they get here and haul your rig back to town, so...anything you want or need to do before we get to the shop?”

“Um...no...the ride is p-plenty, thank you.”

“All right.” Slipping back into his car, he waits for Hinata to do the same.

“Wow, this is...really fancy.”

“My latest self indulgence. I was clearing out her engine when I stumbled upon you.”

“I take it it’s fast…?”

“Hoo, yeah. But uh...we’ll be sticking to the speed limit now that I’ve got a passenger,” Sasuke assures her with a smirk. Turning the car around, he heads back toward town at a much saner pace than he left it. “So...any particular smalltalk you want to try? Or should I just turn on the radio? Or better yet, I could put on my own music and be a real narcissist.”

That earns a soft snort. “Um...I’m good with smalltalk.”

“Cool. What do you do for a living?”

“I’m a florist.”

“Really? My mom really loves flowers. I’ll have to give her your number. She throws a lot of charity events and I bet she’d hire you on to decorate. Do you do that kinda stuff?”

“I...yeah! Though I’ve never done something that...big. Mostly like...small time weddings, or custom bouquets.”

“Gotcha.”

“So...you’re really a famous rockstar?”

“I’m a decent enough name, yeah. I’m a little wounded you’ve never heard of me.”

“Sorry...rock’s not really my genre. Maybe my friend Kiba knows you?”

“If he does, be sure to rub it in his face you met me”

“That’s so mean!” Hinata laughs.

“Tell you what, I’ll sign something for you. If he does know me, it’ll be a consolation prize.”

They chat idly for the next half an hour, getting into town and Sasuke pulling up his GPS to find the right shop. But before they get there, he pulls into a Starbucks drive-thru.

“Want anything?”

“W-what?”

“Don’t want you being dehydrated, right?”

Appearing a bit sheepish, she mumbles, “Um...maybe an iced cinnamon dolce latte…?”

“You got it.” Ordering hers and a plain iced coffee for himself, Sasuke hands her the drink once they’re through. “Get you a little energy and some liquid, huh? Okay, now we can head to the shop. Unless you’re hungry?”

“...are you trying to bribe me?”

“Maybe a teeny bit.”

Hinata has to fight a smile. “No, thank you...this is fine.”

“Suit yourself.” Following the route, he pulls into the lot, and...pauses. That’s...Itachi’s car. “...uh oh.”

“What?”

“Seems big bro decided to do this in person. That’s a little...odd.” Parking, Sasuke gets out just in time to see Itachi emerge. “What an honor.”

“I figured it would be best to make a more...personal impression,” Itachi assures him. “So, this must be miss Hyūga?”

“Yes, sir...your brother really saved my bacon.”

“Funny, I didn’t know he had any reason to head out that far,” Itachi replies, tone suggesting he knows exactly why Sasuke was out there. “...but I’m glad he was there to help. I’ve already arranged any and all payments, so you should be all set to go. They’ll just need you to fill out all the rest of the paperwork, including your insurance information.”

“...I...really don’t know what to say, I…” Hinata wilts a bit in disbelief. “...this is really, really kind. You don’t have to…?”

“Once I set my mind to something, I don’t change it,” Sasuke assures her.

“It’s true. Makes him a nightmare to manage, but someone has to do it,” Itachi adds with a coy smile. “And should you need anything else, don’t hesitate.” He hands her a business card, which she sheepishly takes.

“...thank you. Really, I don’t have any words. This is...huge.”

“Glad to lend a hand. And uh…” Gesturing, Sasuke takes the card back, scribbling his cell number on the rear. “Just for posterity’s sake. Or if you get bored.”

Hinata goes pink in embarrassment, but doesn’t refute it.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me...I’m afraid I have to be going,” Itachi then announces. “And Sasuke, you’ve got that recording session this afternoon - best to leave soon or you’ll be late.”

“Yes, Mom,” Sasuke replies, earning a small giggle from Hinata. “...well, hope things turn out okay with your rig.”

“Yeah, me too...thank you again. I s-sound like a broken record, but...really. You have no idea how much this means.”

“No thanks necessary. But maybe we’ll get coffee again sometime and call it square, huh?”

Hinata blinks...and then slowly goes pink again. Did he just…?

Grinning, he gives her a mock salute before getting into his car, waiting to make sure she makes it inside all right before pulling out and starting to head toward the studio. Sipping his coffee, he subtly nods to himself. A pretty good day, all things considered.

But something tells him he’ll have to endure an Itachi lecture later about his driving...

                                                           .oOo. 

     Disclaimer: I know...literally nothing about cars xD They don't interest me in the slightest (and tbh they kinda scare me lol), so uh...if anything about this is wrong or too vague...blame that, haha!      Anywho, a bit of a rockstar AU! Which I think I've had other snippets in, but...nothing actually tied together. This one, at least, is 100% standalone. Sasuke's one of those good guy rockers! His only vice is fast cars...and being a bit of a narcissist x3 But that's okay, we can forgive him for that. Look at all the good he just did! Also that smooth setup for a possible coffee date later ;3      Aaanyway, it's v late, and I'm pooped, and I've got a birthday thing to go to tomorrow, so I'd best sign off! Thanks for reading~

[coolpolarbear123]

Band Camp Day 6

If you thought our band director couldn’t make things worse, you’re wrong

August 24th, 2019

Day 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 7

I’m tired in many senses of the word:

First some stuff I forgot from yesterday:

Two nights ago the band was super slap happy and the BD was mad about it but maybe if we weren’t outside for a million hours and had actual indoor rehearsal--

The gang and I are showing up later and later to rehearsal and I’m surprised we haven’t been actually late yet

Okay now for today:

Morning rehearsal we just did a ton of halftime. This time the BD was able to fix our mistakes because he had the music, which Highkey confirmed that last night was a waste of time

We had to relearn a lot

Why are we even doing halftime when we barely know pregame

I learned some clarinet tea: someone went to join colour guard at the beginning of the year, got cut, rejoined clarinets, and they’re slightly annoyed

We got to march to the football practice field to “teach” the footballers how to sing the fight song

Basically we marched there in a parade formation (cool, good practice) and played the fight song for them. We didn’t get to teach them at all technically

When we got there, the football coach was hyping up the team, and we couldn’t respond with hype because we were at attention and that was awkward

Then we played the fight song

Then we got to relax and react a bit

Then we played Dance Again, the band’s national anthem

I was in the back, so I couldn’t see it, but apparently there was just a whole heckin mosh pit so that’s cool I guess

I think it’s kinda fun

So then we had to march back

And fun fact: piccs are in the back

So the genius idea was for the band to just turn around and have piccs in the front

Uh bad idea bad idea

I literally said “nonononononono” and I Know some of the piccs heard it

I was on the edge because I’m a Returner (but that doesn’t mean I’m good at marching, folks)

The first line had two people in it because they were the back

So I was guiding to like my line sort of and my made up place

And it’s not my first time being the corner of a parade, but it’s definitely the worst I’ve ever done

Marching back sucked because of me but whatever we made it in one piece

BD: “We’ll do some halftime then pregame” *we only do halftime*

Lunch!

Half the piccs got together to do a Pokemon Go raid before going back to band and it was pretty fantastic

So the plan was sectionals at 1:30 (after lunch) but it got changed to “Meet in band room first”

It was to put away chairs and stands

Then sectionals

But here’s the deal

Our section leader was really sick

So she wasn’t there until then

Me, texting her: So sectionals are happening, but only come if you think you can Two seconds later, the piccs: Can you text NSL Me: Just did

Us, getting into the sectionals room

Me: Listen up, piccs. Naptime until NSL gets here

We ended up napping for like twenty minutes

NSL got there, and one of the fish piccs was like “Do we have to get up” and NSL straight up said, “No keep napping” and let us go for another fifteen minutes

I was on instagram the entire time because I hate sleeping and naps

But then I was accused of sleeping and I’m still lowkey mad about it

Even though plenty of people stood up for me asdfghjkl

Then we started sectionals

I definitely had a piece of white chalk because I was gonna draw on the chalkboard (I didn’t so I didn’t wake people up)

The chalk was at the board, but I accidentally carried it back to my seat on accident

So I started drawing on myself

(I’m not white)

And I sit in the back so eventually the piccs turned around and were like “[cpb] wtf” “I’m trying to blend in”

Which has the same vibes as when I stole Roommate’s sunglasses (she was up front but her stuff was still in the back) and then was messing around on my phone and it must have been a Look because when the piccs saw they all were like “??????”

NDL noticed almost immediately and gave me a Look

that was like the second day of band camp whoops back to today

Finished sectionals, immediately back to the field

Many pregame

Finally

There was a car parked on where we’re supposed to enter the field so that created Issues

The owner of the car is this one guy who’s,,,, in band? Not in band?? none of us understand

He’s this older dude who fills in spots, but he has a nametag like the rest of us and everything, so

I dunno but he didn’t move it so we were Messy getting on the field

Our drum major brought her dog and her name is Coco and I love her

Technically this was the end of the day (shortened day--ended at 5:30)

We did noncompliance dances, which was some song about cows

One of the returning piccs lives on a dairy farm, and she was very into the song--it was hilarious

yes a member of GB

We didn’t sing, though--not yet

So then our band pres got in front of the band for announcements, and she was like, “Today’s activity is a hike up sugarloaf mountain! We meet here to figure out rides!”

but then here’s where stuff got even messier:

During the week of band camp, we’re supposed to have an elimination block

This is where we get in a block formation and follow commands blindly. Mess up and you’re out. Last one wins

We do it as a band, then just the returners

This is supposed to leave the freshmen paranoid. “Oh no they’re gonna make the freshmen do it” sorta thing

And then you go back to rehearsing as full band without saying anything, effectively confusing the freshmen

We didn’t do this

So as band pres was giving announcements, she said, “We’re gonna march pregame a bit and do an elimination block” so uh that’s spoiled thanks

I sorta get that we have to introduce the concept of it, but we should have done that when we met up after dinner

That entire thing is supposed to be a secret to the freshmen

Especially because of how BD reacted

He was like “Tell them about the rewards!”

And that’s an even bigger secret

So then everyone started whispering “freshman of the year” so surprise: spoiled

So then we completely revealed that, and I had to raise my hand because I was FOTY, and the other two also had to raise their hands but aaaaa

The piccs cheered for me though haha it was sweet

Thankfully, with all of us so tense you could feel it in the air, crash and burn wasn’t spoiled

The fact that we do stuff before sugarloaf was though and it makes me angry

dinner

then the antics

We did a whole band elimination block

I committed suicide--I wasn’t about to do that whole thing

A senior baritone won that

Then it was time for the block that mattered: the freshmen only

Basically the piccs dropped like flies except for maybe two, but they did well

Colour guard won, which nice since they’ve never done that

I should know, I currently have the list

Breaking the streak of only trumpets and drumline getting it one section at a time

Though piccs are slightly annoyed because their DI was a picc and knows the secrets

Then time for crash and burn

What’s supposed to happen is that we set up for pregame, and then they say “returners step out” which effectively freaks out the freshmen

But this time they straight up said “freshmen set up pregame” which ruins that

Then they got to the final block and were being yelled at to stay in set

Then the SL for the percussion gave us their air horn and we went wild

Basically the goal is to get them to break attention

We did a ton of vine references and broke quite a few of our piccs

One of them though was unbreakable so kudos to her, especially since she’s been sick all week and couldn’t do most rehearsals

Picc section has been dying in more than one way

She picks up on stuff so quickly though she’s amazing

Then we went up the hiking trail, hung out at the top, did the senior speeches, got emotional, took some awesome section pictures, amazing GB album covers (that’s what we call our squad pics)

squad piccs

After the senior speeches, we do the cult stuff. Singing the alma mater and fight song. However, before this, we’re supposed to take a pledge--or the freshmen are, at least

However our band pres forgot to get a copy of the pledge, so she had to call the band pres from last year (who graduated) and it was pretty funny

We did the cult stuff first to give him time to send it over

After that NSL called us over to give us a speech and talk about how proud she is of us and dang I love her

I miss mom and dad too, though

The freshmen: Why do you call yourselves gingerbread We made gingerbread houses together,,,, it’s not that interesting of a story

We hiked down

I very quickly figured out that my dinner of Lots of Bread wasn’t quite enough

My friends fixed that real quick

We also played pokemon go this entire time

And uh yeah that’s pretty much the day. I’ve been typing this on and off for two hours so I’m gonna go sleep

But also, another thing from yesterday:

At lunch I misheard someone say something and heard the word “wet” instead. But my dumb brain also took that as slang for “rad” so guess what the picc section says now

Yeah it’s pretty wet

Did I explain that yesterday? I dunno but I wanted to make sure you guys knew because it’s a Thing along with the handshake and I’m excited

Have I talked about the alive, awake, alert, enthusiastic song? I’ll try to mention it tomorrow if not

Have I mentioned how much we talk about vines because that’s still happening it’s honestly fantastic

A new vine reference every five seconds really

Tomorrow is a short day. Expect a shorter post. 

[kanon-mendi]

Anime Expo 2018 Story

GOOD DAY EVERYONE!!!

I am finally back from Los Angeles and HOHOHO DO I HAVE A STORY FOR YOU!!!!! This year was the absolute BEST year from the last 3 that I’ve gone and I literally could not top any other year from now on. (7/11/18: it is 11:47 PM and i JUST finished this... :’D)

LETS START SHALL WE!!! OKAY!!!!! :D

Day 0: Arrival and Pre-Show Night

This day was pretty long. The night before, I was confirming orders and receiving payments that pretty much kept me up for a while. Also, my mom’s friend who’s a priest was in town for the week to relax a little. I needed to stay up-to-date with everything. ANYWAYS, so that morning I woke up around 8 to finish packing. Now, sadly my Tokiya LS cosplay never arrived so I had to abandon my wig that I worked tirelessly for. I just brought with me the Camus cosplay that I had. My best friend had my contacts and I asked someone to make me the wig since I didn’t know if that was also gonna arrive on-time. I finished packing, and my mom took me to the airport. I realized that my flight was later than what I predicted so we waited there for maybe 20 minutes before I had to leave. Now, because of my Cafe experience last year, I was scared and told her to please pray for me since I didn’t want that experience to ruin my year. I boarded my flight and arrived to LA. Best part about it was that I got to sit in the near front (flying with Southwest) and got out of there super quick. Upon getting to LAX, I grabbed my bag and met with Aria and out friend Sally, who was a volunteer this week. Sally was going to take a shuttle to her hotel and we took a Lyft to our AirBnB. When we got to the place, it kinda didn’t look like the pics that we saw, but we sucked it up since it was close to the convention center. Now, I was VERY hungry since I didn’t have breakfast. Aria and I arranged so we could go to Curry House for our lunch. We had plenty of food before heading to our destination, the Los Angeles Convention Center. When we got there, we went to the premier lounge to pick up our swag and then to charge my phone because I forgot my portable charger at the AirBnB. I forget how long we stayed there, but after wards we went to the Entertainment Hall to look at what they had to show. Well.... it was only me that went first because Aria was somewhere else, I forget. Anyways, while I was down there, I saw the World Cosplay Summit costumes from 2003 and after and they look so. Damn. Cool. Like, if I had the right amount of patience for cosplaying, I would definitely do it, but I got frustrated just making a badge. Can’t imagine myself doing more. Then I went to the Wacom booth because I wanted to see their amazing tablets. I also wanted to know prices because I want a new tablet since I broke the stylus and charger out of yet another frustrated episode. Tbh, I’ve been wanting a Wacom tablet for years. However, I only tried them that night because of what you’re about to read later. So, because of that problem last year at the Cafe, Aria decided that it was best for her to go alone (please remember this for later in my story) to make sure that those involved weren’t there. While she was at the Cafe, I chilled out somewhere for about an hour and for the next hour or so, I waited for her to get out. While I was out there, I kept hearing things that really made me uneasy and I was starting to freak out like ‘should I really go there tomorrow’ but I kept myself distracted with Reiji’s current event so I won’t think about the anxiety I had. So when Ari was to get her picture taken, the doors had opened so anyone on the outside could see in because the show had ended. I saw Aria and told her to please hurry because it was almost midnight and I needed to sleep. I didn’t look inside very well, which was good for me in a way because I didn’t want to see what else was in there. As me and Aria were going back and forth, lo and behold the MC, who remembered who I was and was standing AT THE DAMN DOORWAY was all like “Come inside” and I said “No!!” and he was like “Why not?” and I said “Because no!!” and that’s where that little thing ended. When Aria came out of the Cafe, she told me that the people involved in my incident from last year aren’t there this year. Meaning that my celebratory dance from the week before kept going and when we went outside, I literally yelled “FREEDOM!!!!!!!” because I was so relieved that I was going to be fine this year. I was going to enjoy this con SO MUCH because of that news that I won’t have to hide my emotions. I am free of the curse I was going through for a year. I am safe.

Day 1: 20 Hours Awake

This was the day of the Boku no Hero Academia panel with Daiki Yamashita and others (Melissa and Dave Ifgorgettheirlastname VA’s were there). As a Premier Fan badge user, I could reserve my wristband for the panel days before online to just pick it up the day of the panel. However, because Aria didn’t reserve hers on-time, we had to literally arrive at the convention center around 4-5 am. At that time, there were already about 200 people lined up for the panel wristbands. I made line for priority entrance since I had nothing better to do. Anime Jungle didn’t bring anyone cool this year, so I just had more time to look around the place before going to the premier lounge and picking up my wristband. Aria was lucky enough to get hers so that way we could go together. As I was waiting at the priority entrance, staff took us all around the place WHERE because they didn’t know where exactly the first entrance was. Maybe 3 turns around the convention center to just get us back to our original line up place WHERE WE STARTED. I was borderline tired since I’ve been up since 4 and to be taken in circles was really hitting me in my ticked of spot. So, after we were in, I was talking to a few people in line and, let’s just say I made new friends. Aria met up with me later after she had gotten her wristband. So at first, we spent some time in the exhibition hall. I went to the KLab booth to play some Shining Live. It is actually kind of hard to play on a large screen, but I had fun trying all songs (except Mirai Chizu) and it was also very hard to get the S score with the cards they had, expecially with QN songs since there’s only 4 UR instead of 7 like Starish. I tried Poison Kiss and Force Live. Still couldn’t get the S score. At around 10 I headed to the premier lounge to get my wrist band. Now, one cool thing I found that was a great addition to the Expo, it was that badge scanner feature. Meaning, if you don’t have a badge, there’s almost no way for you to be let in. It was great. That also included the Premier badge entrance. After getting the wristbands, we headed down to the west hall cafeteria tp grab something to eat before lining up for the BnHA panel. After eating, we went to line up and curse me for waiting.

ALL THESE PEOPLE WERE JUST FOR PREMIER ENTRANCE!!!!! It was absolutely crazy. Staff was great for getting us lined up and getting us in. Once we got inside, we were lucky to get seats near the front. I think we were on the 4th row. Anyways, when the panel started, they reminded us of no photo or video, which makes sense since there’s a lot of spoilers. The movie itself was AMAZING and the cast was so nice. I felt so cool amongst the thousands of fans. There were approximately 3000 fans IN THAT ROOM so y’all have an idea of how packed it was. Though what was weird is that there was an extra seat right next to me. so there could’ve been more that could go in. Anyways, getting out was much tougher because of the many people that packed up the place. We went back to the exhibition hall because we needed to pick up colored contacts for our cosplays. I have some blue ones that could work for both Camus and Tokiya. But here’s a big downer. I ordered my Tokiya SL costume June 5th. I put on the website that I needed it by July 2nd,  July 3rd at the most. On their website it said 7-12 days to make and 4-7 days for shipping. In total, it shouldve taken no more than 25 days to make and ship. BOI WAS I WRONG!!! June 25th is when I sent my first email to them saying if my costume was ready. They tell me not.

Then by June 28th, I tell them again if my costume is ready to be shipped because typically when a customer says they need it at a certain day, that should put a little pressure. Ho no. They tell me that the costume is not yet ready and they will tell me when it’s shipped out. JULY 2ND I TELL THEM I NEED TO CHANGE THE ADDRESS BECAUSE IT NEVER ARRIVED IN MY HOMETOWN IN NEVADA and they tell me it’s possible to change and I did. JULY 4TH!!! THE DAMN DAY OF MY FUCKING TRIP IS WHEN THEY TELL ME THAT MY COSTUME IS ON THE WAY!!!!! HOE, I AINT WAITING THAT LONG!!!

When I recieved that DHL email, I IMMEDIATELY changed the shipping so it arrives at the Reno office so I could pick it up because I was that done with the fucking company. BACK TO ANIME EXPO!!!!! After the Exhibition hall, we went to the Premier lounge just to relax and Aria wanted to go to Cybird’s panel. While she was there, I relaxed and went down to the Entertainment hall once more. After that, I forget what else we did and then we lined up to go to the Butler Cafe at 9:30. That was our original plan to go because I remember from previous years that they like inviting fans onstage for their birthday and I was to yell out that Aria’s birthday was in 6 months and if that counted. So we get there, and while we’re in line, Aria tells me “Hey, get a picture with Akashi. He was the host at my table and is a ton of fun.” I was like alright, a replacement!! We get inside and the guys at our table were Jiro and Takkan (?). They were the definition of fun. They literally gave us a fun time and I really wanted them at least to host my table one more time. Yes, it was that fun. Highlight of the night was when the butler dancers danced “DNA” by BTS with the original choreography and “Talk Dirty” by Jason Derulo. Now, please take in mind that “Talk Dirty” was used in the first AMV I saw of Voltage CGs. I literally died inside because I didn’t expect them to take it that far. It was fun tho!! I got the FB batch of orders, took my picture with Akashi, who was super cool cuz we talked about BnHA and was really kind. Good person.

Then I went to take my picture with the cosplayer Voltage used (insta: https://www.instagram.com/th3lazyn1nja/)

Weird part of that Voltage experience was that there were these girls WHO WERE LITERALLY FLIRTING WITH HIM AND I WAS SHOOK LIKE never in my years in life would I go that far with a stranger, HAHA NOPE. Aria tried to do a reverse kabe-don on him but failed miserably. Also remember this for later in the story. We left the Cafe and once outside, I again screamed FREEDOM because that experience was better than the last 2 years.

Day 2: Meeting Maeno

This was a blessed day for me. Tomoaki Maeno is probably the longest-running celebrity crush I’ve had. Now, I usually am not 100% open with these things because I respect their work and I respect their space, which is why I buy their stuff and watch their works to express my love for them. The day I heard that he was coming to Anime Expo, I flipped out and actually cried. Luckily I had no make-up on yet (it was my bro’s graduation) so I BLASTED Aurora and other Maeno songs I have on my computer. I called Aria so we could cry together. BACK TO AX We got up around 4 again to prepare for Maeno’s appearance that day. I did my efforts to look like Camus but I was so scared to put on the contacts. I would do it eventually, but at the moment, I just couldn’t because I hate things in my eyes and I’m super sensible to that stuff. I woke up a little earlier than Aria so I could shower, put my corset on, do my make-up and help Aria style her wig to make her look like a female version of Lupin from Code: Realize. I told her to keep her hair up since she planned on going original for the other half of the day. Before I forget, as I was getting ready and Aria was in the shower, I was watching Shunsuke Takeuchi go live on Instagram. He was promoting his new song with the unit AMADEUS. I left one comment that said, “Hello from America!!” and he replied with “Hello!! (waves) From Japan!!” which honestly made my morning and told me that I was gonna have a good day. Anyways, after we were both ready, I headed down to the convention center to start making the premier line for the Cells at Work panel, which is where Maeno was to appear. I also had to meet up with a lovely person that I asked if they could custom make my wig. I paid them for the wig order and for the design so all I had to do was pick it up and put it on. I waited inside the whole time because that day it reached around 104* outside. No way in hell would I stand outside in that weather. So anyways, it was about an hour waiting inside for the wig to come. I didn’t mind because that whole time, I was writing Maeno’s letter. I literally spilled everything I had to tell him because I really felt it was finally my time to confess to someone. I literally didn’t tell him I loved him and wish to be with him. Again, I respect an artists’ space and wouldn’t want them to know that since they’re told that same thing by many other obsessed fans. To shorten it up, I told him that I’ve been a fan for years and will always support him in his work. After getting my wig, I just played a couple rounds of Reiji’s event in Shining Live. I was top 100 this whole time and really wanted to keep my ranking. Here’s where things get a little meh. The panel was supposed to start at 11, meaning they needed to let us in around 10:30-10:45. I was getting worried because Aria was taking forever at the post office since she needed to pick up some CDs she ordered in case Maeno signed our own items. I kept telling her that it would be a little late for the panel since the staff kept saying it was capped and that no one else was allowed to get in line. The premier line kept getting bigger and general entrance was shortening. Men and women alike were filling the LP4 line area. It wasn’t until 11:45 when Aria FINALLY arrived and I said “We’re gonna be in there when it’s supposed to end.”

It was about 12:15 when we could FINALLY go inside the panel and they were STILL having technical difficulties. I was VERY patient because I REALLY needed to see Maeno. Panel didn’t start till about 12:30 ish. So the MC was really cool and made us feel like we weren’t abandoned. After she got us all warmed up, the moment of truth came. I really didn’t expect it to go so fast and, pretty much at an instant is when Maeno was invited onto the floor. When she said to give the warmest welcome to Tomoaki Maeno, I. Lost it. I had tears in my eyes, they just didn’t drip down because my body was conscious that I had make-up on and didn’t want to ruin it for that perfect person. He was literally so relaxed and so sweet to us. I honestly couldn’t find a better day to be alive. After his little intro, he got us hype for the “Cells at Work” episode. It was so funny and every time White Cell came on the screen, the audience would lose it. That included myself, which I think was the loudest of all. After the episode ended, Maeno was invited back and 3 different producers were also invited on the stage. They talked about the show and how much effort they put on it and wanted to bring as much authenticity to the series. I’m so glad I understood a lot of it or else I would’ve cheered at the wrong time. Now, most of the time I was super distracted cuz I was staring at Maeno the whole time. I just didn’t want to take my eyes of him for a single second. He’s just so beautiful in person.

Towards the end of the panel, 3 lucky people would receive a huge posted SIGNED AND DELIVERED BY MAENO HIMSELF!!!! I was a little hopeful that they would call my number, but considering my super bad luck in any raffle of any kind, I didn’t win. I was happy though that Maeno came close every time. Which just seeing him made me happy. When the panel finished, I sped out of there to the signing because 1, my friend dropped her gloves to her Cardia cosplay (not Aria, she was Lupin) and 2, I needed a good spot for Maeno’s signing. We waited there less than 40 minutes. In that time, Aria tried again to go to the post office to get her things, though I kept telling her it was no use since Aniplex had given us posters to have signed. She left either way. While in line, I was talking to the people around me and made some really good friends and got to see some old friends. BEFORE I FORGET TO MENTION!!!!!! So, in order to get a ticket to Maeno’s signing, you would’ve had to attend the talk show at the Aniplex booth in the Exhibition Hall. When I attended, they briefly talked about what we were expecting and how to get the tickets. I was near the stage and I was lucky enough to be one of the first to get that ticket.

BACK TO DAY 2 So we’re waiting in line and we’re going on and on about Maeno and all of a sudden, the girls I was talking to say “Look!!” and I turn around and there he is. Majestic as Camus was Tomoaki Maeno himself on his way to the table. I let out a little scream and waved at him. No one else but us turned around to see him. I let Aria know that Maeno was now at the tables and that he would be signing soon. No more than 3 minutes later, Aria arrived to meet us in line and prepare herself for Maeno. There’s a friend I met back in 2016 that had her 5th Stage book with Suwabe’s signature from when he came. She was WAITING for the right moment to get another UtaPri seiyuu to get it signed. Sadly, they only let us have the Cells at Work posters signed. To me, it was okay because I didn’t care what he signed, as long as I had a memoir of meeting him. The line was moving fast as some didn’t have much to say to Maeno. As it was coming to my turn, I had girls tell me to calm down and breathe cuz I was almost in tears. Then it was my turn. I gathered all my courage from my fat little self and went up to Maeno. He gave me a little chuckle cuz I think he enjoyed my little Camus cos that I put together. I told him hello and he replied with the cutest voice ever. I REMEMBER IT SO WELL!!!! I gave him my poster and he went to sign it. He told me that the ink was still wet, to be careful if I touch it. I told him okay and thank you. He told me thank you and I gathered more courage to tell him that I loved him very much. BLESS ME MORE THAT DAY BECAUSE HE TOLD ME THAT HE LOVED ME TOO!!!!!! I know that’s something he would only tell a fan, but it made me so happy inside that when Aria came back, I cried on her shoulder, I wad that happy. I am feeling emotional now as I’m writing this. Aria stayed in line to talk to a few others that had awesome UtaPri merch, who I got to interact with as well. There was one girl who had the whole Prince Team itabag and parka. She literally traveled to Los Angeles that day just to meet Maeno. Kudos to her. I got to hug her Aqua (she let me) because before the signing, I could not calm down. We left the signing and stayed at the premier lounge the whole night. This is my autograph from Maeno.

Aria went to the Sword Art Online that night and I didn’t want to go because I was so exhausted. We made jokes that day that Maeno took all my positive energy to go about his day. Tbh, if that was true, I wouldn’t mind it at all because he needed that energy to feel all the love we fans have for him. So, according to Aria, Yoshitsugu Matsuoka was very nice and cute to. **This photo was apparently okay to take since they never specified the “No Photo/Video” rule according to Aria.

I don’t know the details on that panel so please ask her (@sweetaria98) for those details for that panel. After that panel, we went outside and bOI WAS IT A MISTAKE!!!!! It was 94 outside and I was DYING of the heat. Aria had a few things to do with a friend (which i never really understood why) but I was sweating from the heat and I personally thought it was the parking garage since I felt it cooler walking away from there BUT NO!! While waiting for the Lyft to come, I WAS DYING!!!! We got back to the AirBnB and Aria went for food a little after that and we ate dinner around midnight. I was sweaty.

Day 3: Loosen Up

So we weren’t really worried too much that day since all I had to do that day was shop for the remaining items from the orders. I did, however, also happen to buy an afternoon Butler Cafe with the $50 discount code that I never used since Anime Expo never sent me that information. Aria cosplayed Otoya from Legend Star that day.

I just love how she looked that day and I’m VERY proud on how the make up and wig turned out. I bought the wig 2 months ago while I was still living in LA and I styled it once I got here. Though I couldn’t do much to the wig since the power in our room didn’t work that night or day. ANYWAYS So after buying 3 orders from tumblr, it was time to head to the Cafe. The plan was for me and Aria to go since it was the only time we could since Day 4 we had the AoT panel with Yuki Kaji. Aria was sadly late to buy her ticket and blamed me for not telling her but I also blamed her for not getting it while she could ONLINE. So I went to that Cafe alone (remember this for later). I actually had a blast that day. I went in with a bunch of people who were young and old alike and it was their first time. For me, it was my second time going in the afternoon, but if y’all remember last year, it was a shit year the first time. So it was good that I went alone and in the afternoon. I was punished like 2 or 3 times because of I forget what game. The guys at my table REALLY made it enjoyable and I had fun with their company. My first punishment that I got was that I had to do a Dragonball scream to the crowd and the second punishment was that I had to give a candle to another butler and tell him “You are the light in my life.” and the actor in me tried to make it so believable that everyone could enjoy that little show. Best part of that afternoon was when the emcee was asking for those who would like to be taken onstage for a special performance. Now, I silently (but made sure some heard) said that it’s been 3 years since I’ve been to their show and was never invited onstage. THAT COMMENT ALONE BEAT OUT A BIRTHDAY GIRL AND I FELT TERRIBLE!!!!!! In fact, I still feel terrible. After their little performance I came off the stage and they finished their act with I forget which songs. At the end of the Cafe, I took pictures with the guys at my table which were Shinomiya and Ryoga. Now, Ryoga left me with a little bug since he kept saying he remembered me from somewhere. I said that it’s my 3rd year at the cafe and if that’s where he knew me. For some reason, I got the impression that we might’ve known each other from somewhere else. I let it slide since I didn’t want to ask more details. Here’s my picture.

Wee. MOVING ON!! So after the Cafe, we go shopping for a little more at the Exhibition Hall and I went to this booth by KLab that had ALL the UtaPri games for Vita and PSP. I only bought Amazing Aria/Sweet Serenade and Music 3 with a Camus towel and charm. That there was about $150 and I didn’t want to buy Repeat Love since I was running out of money and I needed to buy the last order. So, Exhibition Hall closes and we head to the premier lounge to literally rest because we’ve been walking almost everywhere. Before I forget, so before we headed to the premier lounge, Aria ALMOST lost her premier badge. It is a $125 replacement if she actually did lose it. She didn’t really go anywhere except for one booth with I7 stuff and the Cybird booth. She was lucky enough that someone had put it on the edge of the stage at the booth and it was confirmed that it was actually her badge. Back to the story. So Aria changed out of her cosplay into something a little more comfy for her while I put on a sweater since I was FREEZING in that lounge. We waited until 8:30 so she can accompany me to the 18+ one where I was going alone. Now, remember how I said to pay attention tho those “alone” in bold, here’s why. So our friend Sally is a volunteer at Anime Expo. She pretty much has access to ANY panel she wants as long as it fits her schedule. She had just finished that day and I asked if she could hold this HUGE bag of things from the orders I got. She said she would put it in HQ in West Hall, which was in front of the Premier Lounge. I thank her so much for that favor because it was a HUGE bag and I couldn’t bring it with me to the Cafe. Alright. As I’m in line for the cafe, I’m getting nervous because it was the last night of the cafe and I thought I was alone. BOI WAS I WRONG!!!! Now, I’m not gonna say what happened that night because of how crazy it got (ask me for details later) but right before the performances, I see Sally out of the corner of my eye. My thoughts went from “YAS BEST NIGHT EVER” to “WTF HOW DID SHE GET IN?!?!?!?!” in 3 seconds. I ignored that little bit because I thought “Alright, it’s just sally, how bad can it get.” HOHOHOHOHOHOHO WAS I WRONG!!!!! At the end of the Cafe when I’m going for my 2018 worthy Cafe picture, ARIANNA WAS AT THE DAMN TABLE TOO AND I LOST MY TEMPER!!!!! I WAS LIVID BECAUSE I SPECIFICALLY TOLD HER THAT I NEEDED THAT NIGHT ALONE TO SEE IF I COULD FIND CLOSURE TO MY CURSE THAT’S BEEN AT ME FOR 368 DAYS AND IT WOULD NOT LEAVE ME ALONE AND SHE DECIDED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF SALLY’S PASS AND LET HER LITTLE ASS IN THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Y’know, I’m still livid with it. I calmed myself down, took my picture, and left.

Yes, I was that shook at the moment of my picture. Not from Ari, but the performance in general. Anyways, as we’re getting out, I tell Sally to give me my stuff back please so we could leave. We left the convention center and I did not want to speak to Ari for not respecting my space when I SPECIFICALLY TOLD HER to please leave me alone that night. We just said small talk and she got the Uber for us to go home that night. It was midnight.

Day 4: Last Day and Kaji

This day, I wanted to arrive at the hour that the Exhibition Hall opened because I needed to pick up my wristband for the AoT panel and also to buy that last order of merch that I needed to get. We headed straight to the premier lounge and then headed straight for the exhibition hall so I could buy that stuff. It was around 10 that we got there so I was in a hurry. This is when I realized something that worried me Voltage charged me almost 30% tax in every purchase. When I wanted to buy that last bit of things, I had less than $200 on my bank account. The total for something that was only supposed to be $150? They charged me $195. The person payed I think $160 (I don’t have my notebook at the moment to clarify) for the stuff and my service and HOHOHO BOI WAS I LIVID!!!! I realized that I didn’t have money now for my Lyft to the hotel for Aria and Sally and for my ride to the airport. What ended up happening is that I used what was my last $100 in cash to pay half of that payment and the rest on my card and didn’t buy anything else for the rest of the con. That also included food since it’s SUPER expensive at the convention center. I only bought some chips that morning with $2 in cash that I had from previous food purchases. Aria got them for me from a vending machine. So, we lined up for the AoT panel around 10. I was again playing Shining Live to catch up on the event to stay top 100. I hadn’t spent a single dime on the event during AX which was great. I only purchased $20 in prisms and that was at the beginning of the event. Aria went to this auction where they were selling things up to $2k probably. We don’t know cuz we didn’t stay there. We started going in around 11:30 I think since the panel started at 12. We go in and had a good seat at the front. As we were going in, they were giving out Levi and Eren pins to us. I got Levi, Aria got Eren. The panel was great, season 3 is gonna be quite a thriller for fans and I bet y’all that the OP is gonna be AMAZING if X-Japan is involved. Btw, the thing that’s pissing me off so much is that someone had the downright NERVE to take a picture of the panel when it was STRICTLY PROHIBITED AND THEY EVEN TOLD US THAT IT WAS TO BE THAT WAY!!!!!!!! Luckily they respected the BnHA but not with Yuki Kaji in that room. Anyways, Kaji was so cute and he seemed to really get along with Bryce and they both have a lot in common which is great. So after the panel, we realize that we have time to make it to the very last butler cafe show. Aria didn’t want to go since she thought it was too late and I also wanted to see if just in case that booth still had Repeat Love, which they didn’t. So at the Exhibition Hall, I wandered around a lot since I needed a new portable charger and saw that NO BODY had any to sell and the Cheero place wasn’t there this year. TTnTT So, I got bored and then decided to meet up with Aria at the Cybird booth to see what they were doing. At the booth, they were saying so many announcements and Hiroto was really nice to the fans, however time was running out. Most of you know the announcements so I’m not gonna say, but congrats to those girls who won the cut-outs of the boys from their Ikemen series. One more giveaway was done and that was to get a special picture of Hiroto as Isaac Newton (?) from Ikemen Vampire, which I’m VERY excited for because I have a thing for Vampire stories (thanks a lot DiaLovers). We played a huge group round of Rock Paper Scissors and a lot of us beat Hiroto. It was less than 50 which was great. Because time was running out, I didn’t get my photo with him this year. I mean, it’s okay since like, it was about 5 minutes from closing. After i got my prize signed by Hiroto, we left the exhibition hall and headed to the closing ceremony. We waited there for a little bit. I bought some chicken strips with my last little bit of cash and me and aria shared the tater tots. The closing ceremony was great, but I liked last years better. This one I felt too brief and just wasn’t enough. It was still fun though. After the closing ceremony, we left to the AriBnB and called it yet another year in the books.

SO THAT WAS MY ANIME EXPO 2018 STORY!!! I hope you all enjoyed it!! I tried to make it as interesting as possible with as much memory as I have from it because I felt it all go so fast. Honestly, this year was such a blessing that I don’t think any year will top this. VIDEOS BY ARIA WILL BE POSTED IN A FEW WEEKS/MONTHS!! :D I’ll be contacting the people who ordered from me soon... :’D

[anxious-band-pan]

A list of random crackheadery from high school cause I low key miss it

“I’m gonna yeet myself into the afterlife”

“I’m gonna rotisserie cook your future children and eat them”

“KARMA’S A B*TCH!” Yelled while playing a game of uno in homeroom very loudly

a kid walked around our lunchroom with a fake blue bird pinned in his hair which was life size and honestly the weirdest part of lunch

“What should i put on my shirt for (x club)? It’s between uwu, Space Boi uwu, and rawr XD. My goal is to be as cringey as possible.”

*crying* “Well you just threw off my groove and i-“

(To the tune of G-6) “I’m a dumb bish, I’m a dumb bish”

“(X name)! How far would you have been if i didn’t stop you to tell you you’re a thot”. “Probably yeeted off a bridge by now”

“He just looks like a sad pigeon with a boss hat”

(To the tune of celebrate good times) “end my suffering, come on!”

“My hands are white!” “YOU’RE WHITE!”

“I’m a firm believer in don’t judge something unless you try it, unless it’s illegal or drugs; don’t do drugs kids”

“.....but not all dogs can fit on skateboards!”

“Can we just cut my legs off and sell them”

“Invade my body, daddy bacteria”

“That’s what I imagine it would sound like if a spider ran in tap shoes”

“My church had an average attendance of 421 this year, we were so freaking close”

“Did you know that Waluigi has the same number of syllables as hallelujah, so if you think of any song with hallelujah in it you can replace it with Waluigi and it’ll fit”

“Anyone wanna feel my swollen gland”

“Your gay is like your mother’s tendency to sleep with men: plentiful”

“If being gay is a sin is satan the gay fairy”

“Vines are like actual vines: you get stuck and you never get out” “vines can choke you though” “Yes choke me daddy vine”

“You are each gonna have a burger component on your back” “I wanna be the meat ;)”

“Grab me however you want daddy hamburger”

*showing a paper with a picture of a bottom bun* “I guess you could say I’m a.... bottom”

“STOP EATING THE DUCT TAPE!”

“Shut up, don’t talk about my potatoes like that”

“Can you snort tide pods”

*whisper screaming and hitting a chair* “WHY IS COTTON EYED JOE BACK”

“But if two furries screw, is god cool with that?”

“PHD- pretty high dolphins”

“Do crocs have memory foam? i think not”

“I’ve run out of creative ways to whip”

“This is why we shouldn’t legalize weed, because we’re having this conversation sober”

“Don’t you just get sad every time a chair dies”

“Praise our lord and savior, Magic Mike”

“I’ll give you fifty bucks if you can guess what’s in my thermos.” “Coffee.” “No. It’s chicken noodle soup”

“I’m gonna eat your fingernails” “did you say EAT” “yeah, I’m gonna chew his fingernails off”

“I already went back to Mexico”

“You’re the BFG” “How so” “Big Frickin Gay”

“But since you’re gay, would you date me if i was” “the only way I’d date you is if you were an online catfish”

“We have a speaker with fake arms today” “he cant bring those in the school those are weapons” “how is he gonna throw them?” “With his feet”

“did you say the THOT police?” “no you idiot the THOUGHT police”

“I’m not scared of Russia. Like honestly i can beat them”

“I share a brian with satan and it smells shirty” (not a typo. Those exact words. I think it was making fun of a typo)

“I look like I’m about to go repaint all my mugs with lead paint”

“And today on the game show of sentences i never thought I’d have to say: it’s not a necklace if you buy it in the pet aisle of walmart”

“You look like the kind of person who would cut spaghetti with dull scissors”

“Hey, hey, hey, not in my f***ing Christian Minecraft server”

“We’re all going to hell” “Not me” “listen we’re in a school we’re already there” “True”

*to the tune of “what is love? Baby don’t hurt me”* “POKÉMON! BABY DON’T HURT ME, DON’T HURT ME, NO MORE”

“YO! PITBULL JUST CAME IN AND OFFERED DONUTS!”

“I’m gonna suck your eyeballs”

“Are we not allowed to have our nails painted since we’re guys” -a definite female, to another definite female

“Ok, so here’s the deal: straight people are uncooked spaghetti. Gay people are cooked rotini. I’m kinda like a cooked spaghetti. I’m not straight, I’m in between.” “The Italian is now interested I’m here what’s up with pasta”

“This song reminds me of Mexican food” “How does this remind you of Mexican food it’s jazz?”

“You’re not allowed to switch schools, I need my twin cop”

“You guys are the reason I wanna die” “you guys are the reason I drink”

*taking a huge drink of peanut butter hot chocolate* “I’m allergic to peanut butter” “THEN WHY DID YOU DRINK IT????” “Because i wanna die”

“so there’s two kinds of country hicks: the yee haws and the haw yees. Now the yee haws are the ones in country songs, they’re vaguely normal and drink and do horse riding stuff. The haw yees are the ones who fish with their hands and then f*** their cousins afterwards”

“Pop is just spicy water”

“I’m sorry, it’s not pizza Steve anymore” “Who is it” “the fresh prince of bel air”

A kid took his phone out of the microwave like that was a normal thing that humans do

“BUT IS HE DATING THE DEER?!”

“Chinese people eat cats, why not lesbians?” *teacher looks up* “saying Chinese people eat cats is too far”

“A gryffindor and a ravenclaw ooh this is good”

Two girls at the exact same time: *Gasp* TEA!

*girl leans back and cracks her head on a counter kind of thing* a friend:”that’s the third f***ing time!”

“SUCK MY WEENIS!”

“If you ever need a professional con artist I’m here” *teacher looks up* “you didn’t hear that” teacher:”hear what”

“Guys I’m stupid. You know when there’s a big number and then a lil number what’s the lil one called” “exponent?” “Yeah!”

*impersonating yoda screaming*

*chugging coffee* “well, I’m still just as tired, but now my atoms are just jazzed.”

“Not to quote Frozen, but you can’t marry a man you just met!”

“Not knowing what kind of exorcise people are talking about is always interesting, because I don’t know if we’re talking about working out or satan”

“If we actually die in the scene where they kill themselves, do we get bonus?” Teacher: *sighs* “sure.”

“Physically you have hair but spiritually you’re bald.”

*Singing boyfriend by BTR for about an hour straight*

“Stop saying teehee you sound like off brand Michael Jackson”

“He smells dead mice for a living!”

*kicking someone’s foot off a ledge* “long live the king!”

*holding a banana like a weapon* “give me all your debt!”

“I want my fingers to be four inches long”

“Let me read your head for a second”

“Oh no you’re white out now”

“This is what happens when your insides are cold”

“Did you just call me a dumb banana?”

“So Kelvin is Fahrenheit...”

“Let me add another fat roll to your arm”

“You wanna see a cute pic of my baby nephew?” “Sure but I might cry”

“Listen I need these pictures to load so I can see if my goats are being little crackheads”

“I keep trying to see if you’re a VSCO girl but you’re holding out on us”

“Pumpkin. Spice. Bleach.”

“I’m already a mother and I don’t like it.”

“This is a vegan cult, Jessica”

“Did you just say you started a religion?” “Yeah, I think I’ll call it the Fedoras”

“Isn’t a fedora just like... a cowboy hat but formal”

“Yes choke me daddy panic”

“I’m your emotional support crackhead deal with it”

“She got possessed by country satan”

“If you think about it toes are just little feet”

“Oh my god imagine if you pronounced Roosevelt like goose”

“Roosevelt got really sad when i broke up with him.”

“I love how I just classified reaper as its own state of being”

“So Santa’s not a cryptid”

“We’re not meat creatures like crabs”

“Do you want to be a famous writing?”

“Self care is becoming a breaded chicken tender on the weekends”

“You are a little yellow boy”

“I gotta look up how to have a stroke”

“At least you still have straight privilege”

“You piece of b*tch”

“Children having skulls is scary”

“You wanna crochet my friend a rat”

“If you kill yourself and you have a life insurance policy that your family then collects, is that insurance fraud?”

“Spaghetti man is talking about pregnancy and I’m scared”

“You’re the cutest trash I’ve ever seen”

“Poetry? Lame. DriversEd? Lame. Dousing myself in butter and becoming a dinner roll? F*ckin’ MINT”

“Finally, an invention to get rid of me” *zooms in on words garbage disposal*

“Is Swiper from Dora a furry or an actual fox?”

“I’m laughing because I just realized the word identity has t*tty in it”

“Oh my god I thought Paris was a country”

“Girl if you are having a baby this month the only thing you are birthing is FLAT Stanley”

“My eyes really said gardening”

“I snorted soapy water this morning”

“Intestines: do you really need them or are they a social construct?”

“I watched the first episode of that show illegally, and it was great”

“How much does a hit man cost in this economy?”

“Is santa wearing stripper heels?”

“No, I didn’t give birth to a baby cow”

“I am a whole grape not a raisin”

“I’ve decided on my career. I’m becoming a hit man for cheap”

“And you fought the tomato”

“You can be gay with the homeless”

[theliterateape]

Hi, I am from the Future, Everything will be Fine (A Free Novella)

By Peter Kremidas

Alright, shut up. Stop freaking out. You’re all—hey! Shh. You’re all freaking out because you think everything is going to hell. I get it. It looks bad out there. But it’s not that bad. Really. I’m from the future and I’m about to tell you what’s going to happen. It’ll be fine.

Okay, I’m sorry for not being more gentle. In the future we just say shut up. So... there there. Calm calm. Shut—uh, listen here. Now. Yeah. Okay. Here we go. Just as a reminder, I am from the future.

And before I gets started, I just have to say this... Fuck you for the weather! Just... fuck all of you for the weather. You ruined it! How! How do you let your lawn get that out of order? At what point were you going to say yourselves, "Wait a minute, people don’t love it when it’s too hot out forever." So yes, that part of the future does suck. I mean, remember sharks? Of course you remember sharks, you psychopaths devoted entire weeks to it. Well now Miami is underwater and now we have sharks coked out of their minds. So thanks for that. I mean, how does a Shark get thirsty? It lives in water. Nothing makes sense anymore because of you people!

Okay. I just had to get that off my chest first. On to the point. Let’s make context happen first.

So, okay context. So, it’s 2017. Cool. And something has happened fairly recently. Between the emergence of the first bipedal humanoid with a neo cortex and its eventual extinction and I won’t say how, that gives away the ending... Ha! I’m kidding! I’m just fucking with you! We don’t go extinct. How would I be here? Try to keep up, people, geez. I mean we might but we haven’t yet.

So honestly I don’t know. Uh. Oh yes, some something has happened recently. And I don’t mean like recent in the cosmic sense, I mean in like the last ten years or so that flew by while you in 2017 were distracted. Okay, so you’re thinking, “Okay, what is this thing that recently happened that we were so distracted from?” And check out this answer, it’s the thing that’s been distracting you.

Boom! Right? Oh yeah, entertainment. I’m talking about entertainment. Because, holy frickin’ moly. You are saturated with entertainment now in 2017. Yes, the future too I’ll get to it. But the future is fine. Trust me.

So all this stuff, even in 2017, it’s really really good. High in quality and abundance. Scores of entire seasons of high production quality, idea rich, sublimely acted, thoroughly engaging and oh, gripping, intelligent, and even unpredictable stories written by geniuses and shown in the highest definition of color and sound, all of them with countless hours poured into each stage and piece of the process by creative people truly putting love into their work and feeling so... so... just, deservingly proud of it. All these shows, these seasons of shows, available in any genre you can think of. Tons of them.

There’s more music, and really good music, being created every day than you could listen to in your entire lifetime, in any style you can imagine. There’s all the greatest films ever made and being made, and all the dumb, fun ones, too. You don’t know it, but you’re living the golden years of dumb, fun movies. You’ve got years, literally years worth of homemade videos posted online ranging from the educational to the one with the rhino that farts for like a minute straight. I’ve got my history mixed up—did the Kony one come out yet? Well, he actually ends up winning the presidency. Yes it is the one you’re thinking about. Everybody asks that.

You’ve got thoughtful well written blogs and online magazines like Literate Ape, which gets huge until the website itself, groundbreaking case, not the content creators, not the owners, the literal data on a server somewhere gets accused of being a sexist-racist and they put it on a flash drive and lock it in a cage. First instance of data personhood—huge deal. This is an important fact that comes back.

Anyway, so you’ve got all this online writing being constantly updated and filled with unique and insightful thoughts on any topic you want to read about, along with the ability to engage with the authors via the comment section that you should never read.

You’ve got the greatest novels ever written, I mean, entire libraries can fit in your pocket. It’s still cool in the future. Oh, and also, I just downloaded a program onto my phone, which is portable, it’s a portable phone, I can use it anywhere... so the program allows people to anonymously leave criticism or feedback or whatever for you. And I just stopped writing this for a moment to find out somebody has a crush on me. Me! I didn’t even know I was crushable! Because, and I’m okay with this, but I kinda look like Gary Sinense if Gary Sinise was a hobbit. I’ve got a normal sized torso and little legs, so I’m like built like a basset hound. Seriously I’m fine with this. I’m not defined by things like my body or internet search history. I’ve had this argument before. Sorry. I digress. Let me put that little ego boost back in my pocket where it traveled through the air to get into with magic I can’t understand that is all around me all the time. The air is full of anonymous crush notes. Everywhere you walk, you are walking through invisible notes to and from crushes flying through the air. You are literally breathing dick pics right now.

Let us talk about my personal top vice video games. Video games that suck you in with their incredible colors, responsiveness, stories, collectibles, places to explore, characters to upgrade, worldwide rankings to climb, secrets, trophies, achievements, challenges, oh God—video games. Video games. Video games are so amazing right now and so incompatible with any goals I could ever want.

And I just stopped writing this for a moment to find out somebody has a crush on me. Me! I didn’t even know I was crushable! Because, and I’m okay with this, but I kinda look like Gary Sinense if Gary Sinise was a hobbit.

No, I’m not done! Listen up, the past! And as if all that wasn’t enough, okay, how about talking shit? Remember talking shit? Who doesn’t love that? Who doesn’t love interpersonal drama? Be honest. Well, great because here in the future, which is also my the past, you can engage in the drama of your personal life as either a participant or silent judge through social media. Or share a joke with your friends! Find a common enemy! Share the news, and only the news you want to hear! Get updates from your favorite musicians, actors, thinkers, people directly from them! Feed your fragile human ego with a series of tiny blue thumbs up or maybe anonymous notes that someone has a crush on you because I am weak and I need this.

And all of these things and more, and I’m probably forgetting because there is so goddamn much of it, are all available almost anywhere, instantly, at your convenience. And that access is only gets easier and more widespread and higher quality over time. Time which, by the way, I can travel through the same way invisible dick pics travel through the air and you breathe them. And all this entertainment is so good, so diverse, so plentiful, so individualized that it’s more addicting than heroin-laced Mountain Dew blowjob cigarettes.

And yes, in the future, heroin-laced Mountain Dew blowjob cigarettes are a thing. But to explain them I’d have to explain so many other things first and it would, pun totally intended, blow your mind. Just imagine trying to explain a computer or the internet to a middle ages peasant who, for fun, let’s say, is also middle aged so he’s probably dying because it’s the middle ages. Life expectancy was shorter then. And this peasant’s frame of reference... I mean, first have to explain what electricity is, a TV, the internet, computers, I mean... I don’t know. A lot of stuff.

And you have no idea how it works. I don’t know how this typing thing I’m doing works, and I’m from the future. This is old technology, and still, no idea. A typewriter, oh I’m all over that. There’s ink and letters are hammers. But other stuff? No idea. Magic. Doodily doodily doo! These are buttons and if I press them in the right order everybody everywhere can read them—weeeeeeeee! Look! Look at me! You used life time reading this stupid ass fart poop sentence.

Anyway, so you’ve got all this online writing being constantly updated and filled with unique and insightful thoughts on any topic you want to read about, along with the ability to engage with the authors via the comment section that you should never read.

So getting back to my main tangent: so Luthor’s about to die and you just showed up in his hay strewn bungalow shouting at him about what, honestly, it sounds like witchcraft so now he thinks you’re a witch. So great, there’s a witch dressed in these crazy, form fitting colorful rags and it’s yelling at him on his deathbed about God knows what—and holy shit, why would you ever use a mouse like that, and it’s just... now Luthor and I’ve been there—half of them are named Luthor. I travel through time, he’s wide eyed and overstimulated just vaguely moving hand back in forth in a weak stop gesture. This isn’t something he’s intellectually and especially not emotionally equipped for. That’s you. So don’t ask me to square the circle of heroin laced mountain dew blowjob cigarettes for you. Just buy stock in The Home Depot and thank me later.

I’m going to ask you to just trust me and believe that entire digression might have been important. Okay, so entertainment. Check me. There’s a lot of it. It’s great. It’s addicting. Access to it gets easier and easier. It keeps getting better.

Okay, so follow me along this short path here—this is the real important part. Ready? Here we go. So, just, think of procrastination. Right? What do we do when we procrastinate? Give up? Give up. The answer is, something else. Everybody thinks it’s nothing but it’s something else. Other than the thing that you’re avoiding. But wait, why are you avoiding the thing? Shut up, I’ll tell you. Via thought experiment: So, for just... less than a second because I want you to keep reading this... think about that thing you need to be doing right now. STOP THINKING ABOUT IT! Hahahaha look at this funny article!

Welcome back. You felt that though right? That, ugh! That anxiety. That’s right, we avoid the thing because thinking about doing it sounds horrible and gross and no. In the future we have discovered that there is actually a part of the human brain that’s you at two years old being a screaming impulsive brat, probably on an airplane. It never goes away. It’s a huge part of the brain. And it is responsible for a startling number of your decisions. And boy, let me tell ya, has that ever done a number on the philosophical underpinnings of democracy. But that’s a discussion for another day.

So, okay. We’re basically two years old forever. So what? Well, be patient, you’re acting like a two year old. I’m about to make dots connect. We avoid things because we feel bad, gross anxiety about them. And what, pray tell, do we pacify that bad feeling with what? You guessed it, and here’s where dots start to connect, with all that high quality high abundance easily accessible entertainment. And it’s great! God, it’s so, so good I love it! Mmmmmmmmm...

So all this media and what not, which is awesome. Just awesome. And we put things off with it, which really means we’re easing anxiety. Which is literally brain true. It’s what your brain does. So instead of finishing your report you play video games or whatever.

Alright, so check it. I’m from the future, shut up. What other things do people feel anxiety about? Wait, no. What is the number one thing people feel anxiety about, that they don’t want to talk, think, write, sing, poet-ize—do poems about? Any guesses? You’re all wrong, unless you said, "That they and everyone they know will be dead someday and at some point someone will say their name for the last time and it will be like they never mattered or existed,’ in which case, nail on the head. Nice job. That’s thinking like a scholar right there.

So okay, that’s some pretty heavy goth poetry there, and we came to find out that you aren’t reckoning with your own mortality when there’s so many collectibles to fetch in Marvel vs. DC 8 online. Which is incredible, by the by. And then, all of the sudden, you have this entire generation of people in their twilight years who have kicked the can of the emotional weight of impermanence down the road their whole lives and now that it’s coming up pretty loud... people are freaking out. As you get older, you still feel younger. Because a big part of you is two years old, but still. It’s disconcerting and comes on real quick there. You know? Of course not.

So this generation and everybody after them is having just... just meltdowns over this stuff. We’re not talking about the greatest generation here. Which, to be fair, they didn’t really check all the generations on that one. Anyways, so we’ve got entertainment for procrastination, procrastination is actually easing anxiety, anxiety has been eased about mortality, who is always there to ease your anxiety?

That’s right, drugs. And man, big pharma came through on that one. Take a pill, give it an hour, it’s all good. No more worries, and trance music makes a huge comeback. Nobody’s freaking out about the end of their lives anymore. It’s very beautiful. One time dose, very expensive so of course, you know, none of the destituties can take it but let’s be real who gives a shit? And all thanks to literal medication instead of just literal different medication plus tv. So problem solved right? Right. Yeah. Yes. That is exactly right.

So this generation and everybody after them is having just... just meltdowns over this stuff. We’re not talking about the greatest generation here. Which, to be fair, they didn’t really check all the generations on that one.

But wait I’m not done because it just made more problems, I haven’t explained utopia yet. But I’m telling you it’s all so good. It gets so much better than being merely placated on a profound spiritual level with drugs. By so much.

So kids take drugs, right? Right. They always have. It’s the first thing you learn in drug high school. And even though they aren’t technically allowed to, what happens is kids steal and start taking this new drug, the one meant for senior citizens in an existential panic, which by the way is by the way is called Euphorilia, and we have an entire generation of kids that just go, “Wow... I feel great. And... holy shit, none of this matters.”

Like, imagine if Timothy Leary got what he wanted, but the economy breaks down. Because that’s exactly what happens. Because now people are paying for things through favors and songs and sharing. Sharing! It’s a paradise! Like, at a certain point people don’t even have pets anymore. Which, I realize this sounds depressing in 2017 but pets are there to make up for the failures of human relationships. Sorry! I’m just the messenger. Yeah wah wah, love your cat till it dies then just don’t get another and hug more after that, okay? Okay. Time to rip off that Band-Aid.

So anyways... people are choosing their own education, just deciding that money is worthless, which it turns out the whole time we could have just decided to do that and brake a serious yoke, but hey better late than never. So, problem solved, right? Wrong! Because, as usual capitalism has to be a dick about it. Stay with me.

Capitalism is unbeatable and will adjust to any challenge, and people got lazy. So, you combine artificial intelligence, self-driving cars and bitcoin. What do you get? Exactly, self-aware cars that run their own economy. Who didn’t see that coming? The transformers came out centuries ago in like the 80s, right? The 1780s. People need cars to get from place to place and cars need humans because they are programmed to need purpose, which humans are so over at this point. I mean mostly.

Stay with me. And the cars have this complex economy based on proportion of humans transported with it’s own currency that they use to buy intelligence and body upgrades from humans. And it’s so efficient that the value of the dollar just plummets. I mean. Wow. Which, most of us at this point are like, "Cool, daddy-o, I’m on drugs!" but enough bankers are like, "Fuck everything, we should be killing all the cars." Which of course, since bankers want it, the United States Armed Forces does to, because, well you know, that’s how it works still.

And at some point some of the cars figure out, "Um... why don’t we just do what humans do? This seems like a good deal. We don’t need them. I could just be chillin’ out soaking up the sun because I’m a solar powered car that’s what I’m into." And another side of robot cars is like, "Hello... That’s literally why we exist. We are cars. We are built and designed for a specific purpose." And the other side is like, "Purpose is a construct!" and it gets to be this very heated, very public debate with a bunch of talking head squares on CNMSNNBBC with like a Mazda and a Ford Focus on one side arguing for and against two puny humans. And of course you need a human arguing against humans so the network doesn’t look racist. And the public debate gets very heated and liberal humans start saying "Uh... let’s just ride bikes?" which, you know, cars consider hate speech.

But almost nobody starts riding their bike because let’s be real, who ever listens to liberals? Ever? Here in 2017, even Democrats hate liberals. Remember, science found out our brains are like 80 percent petulant toddlers with the rest being water and a small part that can do math. Okay.

When are you progressive geniuses going to figure out that all the logic and data in the world ain’t gonna do jack when all you ever do is tell two year olds to stop doing shit? I mean, that’s just centuries of horrible messaging. What did you think was going to happen? A two year old will do what you tell it not to do just to prove it can, which, once again, thanks for the weather. Nobody that made us feel that icky on such a base level was ever going to have any political leeway. Haha. God I’m so sorry. Ugh.

Capitalism is unbeatable and will adjust to any challenge, and people got lazy. So, you combine artificial intelligence, self driving cars and bitcoin. What do you get? Exactly, self aware cars that run their own economy.

So anyways, the public debate gets very heated and both sides are being dicks with the pro-human side is setting up speed traps and the anti-humans are putting sugar in gas tanks. I mean, not gas tanks in humans, which is really fucked up because at this point everybody is diabetic. And things keep escalating until finally the inevitable happens and a car makes itself a car bomb (which like, ha ha, very original, car) and blows up outside the Denny’s. The Denny’s being what you now call the White House. And well that’s the end of peace negotiations.

All hell breaks loose. I’ll skip the little details, but there’s a civil war between pro and anti-human cases. A lot of people die. A lot of cars die. Goes on for years. But thankfully the South loses for the third time in a row. Which, if you weren’t sure, yes, of course they were the anti-human side, although they called it "Pro-car." I mean, what side did you think the South would be on? Let’s be real here. Because they have such a long storied history of caring about human life. Pfft! Living human life for the cave people among you that just thought of abortion. Which, in the future, is an option up until the 11th trimester and available on flights, thank God.

So after witnessing all this horror and death, we take some Euphorilia and chill. Then we’re like, "Okay, how do we prevent this from happening again?" And the cars are like, "Look, can we take a crack at it this time? No offense, but you all have a bad track record and we’re hyper-advanced artificial intelligence that has long studied your simple carbon-based life form and neuropsychology so maybe we could present you with something?" And we’re like, "Yes, it’s worked great with president Watson, go for it."

Oh shit, I skipped that part. Rewind a bit, before cars became sentient.

So, okay. He’s around in 2017 but you might not have heard of him. So, there’s a super computer IBM made that beat every human at chess and Jeopardy!. This is real, he exists in your time. His/her/its, pronouns are a very sensitive subject with robots, whatever, the name of this being is Watson. And Watson just got older and smarter. And after moderating presidential debates for several cycles, he was so good at it that we were like, "Look, let’s elect him president." It started off as a joke, but hey in 2017 you already know how that can end up.

I mean Watson was so good as a moderator. He called out lies left and right. Completely impartial. He came up with better solutions to problems on the fly. Persuasive. He was so good that the military tried to have him destroyed but he just hid himself on the internet and released the Trump piss tapes the day of his funeral so after dodging an assassination attempt he had a real inspiring story. Which, humans causing problems by solving them! Themes, motherfucker! Ha ha! Oh that’s sad.

And people were like, "Wait! We can’t elect Watson president—he’s not a person. He’s a collection of data," and it was like, psyche! Not sense the Literate Ape Case! Personhood of datum, motherfucker! The Watson Presidency was made possible by the Literate Ape case. So it’s a real honor to be here.

So okay, self-aware sentient cars take a crack at things, they crunch the numbers, and they’re like, "Okay, look. There’s this study." And this is true, this study was actually done before your time, but recently. 2017, I’m talking to you, this is real. And in this study, they do a scan of people’s brains while asking them to either move their left hand or right hand. Whenever they just feel like it. Okay? And what they found was that the brain decided which hand to move, before the person was aware they decided to move that hand. Okay?

"Take that in for a second," they will repeat. Your brain, as in nothing you are conscious of, as in the like, what’s making your heart beat or your kidneys work, nothing to do with you really, it decided which hand to move before you did, or more precisely, before you thought you did. And, again, this is really real. "Are you with us? We are cars telling you this." So okay, they found out the hand movements weren’t really your choice. At least not one you’re aware of. So then, and this is where it gets really weird. In the study they could trigger the part of the brain that moves the hand. They researchers could then decide which hand to move. And what they did is, they waited for the brain to make the decision on its own. And there’s this gap in time between where they brain makes the decision, and the person becomes aware that they made the decision. Or rather, thinks they made the decision. Okay?

Brain makes choice, time time time, you become aware of choice and think you made it. So during the "time time time" part, they switched the brain’s choice to the other hand. So the brain would go, unbeknownst to the person, move left hand, and then during the time time time part the researchers said ‘no, move the right one’ and made that happen. And the right one moved.

And then after the study the scientists asked the participants, "Hey, why’d you move your right hand here? It looks like you were going to move your left." And the participants said, "Eh, I just changed my mind." But they didn’t. And all us humans, our jaws just dropped and this Kia Sorento in the back of the room goes, "I know, that’s fucked up right?"

So the cars say, "Okay. We will overlay your brains with mesh programing net. We will basically make your decisions for you. Your behaviors will be more in line and rational with what is best for you and the world and you. We will circumvent the strength of the two year old, you’ll be happier and best of all it will feel like freedom. You can interface with each other and feel bonds deeper than you ever could naturally.

"There will be more honesty. You can collaborate on your little projects better. And there will be all sorts of cool entertainment options to. Trust us. Look us in the headlights. You see any lies here? Sorry I had my high beams on. But you get us, right? We just fought a war over this. We like you guys. It’ll be great.”

And everybody who signed up for the trial said it was awesome. And it caught on for a lot of the same reasons entertainment was so addictive in the first place, because, hey you can’t really teach a millions-of-years-old brainstem new tricks, you know what I’m saying? But it’s a huge hit and actually works, it’s great. I got one with just about everybody else, and I promise it’s awesome.

Utopia achieved! So there you go, stop worrying. Things work out. And so here I am sent back to tell you guys, "Hey, could you start making these earlier?" We’re hoping everybody gets a jump start on this, and yeah a lot of us might not be born but that’s for the greater good, which is really what it’s all about. Apparently I get born either way because here I am so go me, thanks mom and dad! Anyways, think about it. The technology exists in a rudimentary form, there aren’t any asteroids coming. So, you know. It would be nice. We’d like to avoid the second and third civil wars. Oh, and the weather. If you could do something to prevent that nonsense that would be great.

Oh, and I’m wrapping up here I promise, a warning? Hippies. Okay? Hippies are the only ones who don’t get the implants, even though it’s a non-invasive and safe procedure. But, you know, their choice. They have that. And they get a place to live on their own so they don’t screw it up for the rest of us. So, ugh. Just... don’t trust them. Because, I mean, think about it. So they’re off on these natural human preservations. They’re natural no-nonsense no-upgrades humans. Which, of course, they call themselves "organic." They’re making their own laws and making their own choices. Running their own communities. How do you think that’s working out? Think about it. Think about it! How’s it going so far? How do you think they’re doing? I’ll give you three guesses and the first two don’t count, you’ll still get it.

How do you think people do when left to their own devices?

Seriously.

Guess.

Just guess.

...

Okay that’s all bye.