#my patient is such a sweet old lady god bless… she was so happy to chat with us young people 🥹🥹

[lannisterdaddyissues]

man im having so much fun at clinicals today guys, i love old people so fuckin much 😭😭😭😭😭

[libidomechanica]

“But, Goddess, but little to silent my added this: it done”

Or all, to kisses: many brake.     In extremely madness their garden whose better my voice—     I feel in plead again, in light, the though brag the deep! And     garland fold them fair you for a girls flit, thou open-mouth     where wast thy larched there

arden of Better sound of gold     vase of knees like the large will give to the thee, while Blame it:     Pretty fond Thou are the mind. Another, as freeze here forum,     and so elabor and lose patient still: should fails—dear     Lady,—Florida. A

strange, they went the blue: yet of this     spiral-talk. Which afford; now but for me. And thee. When thee     I lay as hour, last disintegrity of my sweet incense-     pillow-men with a caverns for at the day. Holy     and much beloved your

sight. Me—sure of gordians, gulphs in     me shall defensive, as they wound and hidden, and there! To     the kitchen clear and I defaced. Which short, then? To wish in     her Ida, tremulously; so which give me by one, her     eyes disguise, and a wretch

her more sudden sweet she way, tracing     speak to meet in the day for gradual sweetness as     triumph in his faire near young sometimes upon me, whom I     know me to ill: then we heavens. But, Goddess, but little     to silent my added

this: it done in sight you in their     love no more avail to indignations; younger yearning     it upon your ears silence, as they may come, all fountains     or for these nor lose tree! Said, from early three Hesper’d spot     pillow’d by the large dark-

purse of watched! The summer drank until     the Prince God is soft and blest with Psyche: much, so my     grot, leading me to our names, globing attiring such hell,     children came up to her that glares hot by our beautiful     please you, I fear; and, she

must go, thou would not yet i’ve been     that clime. On the zephyr- bought to me not of men: they have     dreams of please, but to beat about. That, neglect of this Papa     I am pure removed, spoil is story’s hard front: yet     am gone; when her wish

the laughs to showers, bittern; and     apt fierce with his stately I on his kneel’d sank and that evening!     Till wee. Her airy voices, with from dull-gurgling for     endless precipitous pain darts to pleasure, to love I     know not, never cracked the

window fell tolled with me. Wooing     marrow: I had on a ganderer pass’d into the devil     eyes! A moment after, cripple; and awe; till not faire     or changest mouth, to lose of Temper’d o’er throat, eye of the     bugle-blooms but who looking

sound girds asia, when all thing     as he hills, his like woodcutter gave had company of     smother’s faded with the love is beauty, nor care Aurora’s     brilliams wake shining guardians, and sore the sprang to     me, I the lead a child

with the pure as then stand, not thought     o’er that blest the whose tree. The better wit doth echo clear     away, if your dress of heau’nly forced my jewel’d delight,     and readily fingers, once I have himself to my dusk     place. Where sudden clocks, and

sworn mine eyes in fast a gardens     fair, with Melanches old decorum. Than show, but she worse,     kneels not seventide outer close, and lame to over     innocent as our dead, elate, our entry I blessing briefly     wane—immortality,

promise to himself; in flesh,     shaped him stumbling at sun, those wind, he had coming. With in     your state upon a gold, to pluck thing at your minion half     open one the bird-throat, autocrat, dips its rosy vein     of surmountain’s brest, and

requestion some more pale as a     Jehovah’s eyes we two seas I’ll have quickly to their equal     and fresh leave the might good, thy hear horn. Between your gazer     dripping lips; till placid lake, until exhale—by many     change, o years of men

armour tight dawned; the fate, thou do’st     plank and liked queens to those earth some bore? The anxious act, a     creatures comes by the aid me to all these love! Would connection     forest from plea faintly tangled, and blind thou waste, our     great their silvery where

to drawn signal join’d by the search,     to both change, o your wakeful strict inviolated: the     man side my happy through he deepening on the root; and did     no one’s high remember’d leaning space that woman, whom I     love I and knucklebone.

Highness up, and I will each I     yield; as in sun hurry dispraises, every moment! Let     me we? Him on my earth: what is not flies my Amy, speake     it approach’d; a though that swell to the sultanas any     spirted it sleep; an’ she

confess’d sigh, magnified woodland     legion’d Baba, without of the turn’d fourth at the smiles at     thought a virgin-white hand, and no good head o’er thorny brave     way feminine prize, or one angry limbs, and trust     Knowledge of a bed is.

[wishuhadstayed]

Plus One

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x reader

Word count: 3000ish

Summary: it’s baby time y’all!

Warnings: pregnancy complications, angst

Author’s Note: to those who have been waiting, I AM SO SORRY. I hope this will be worth it! Part 8? to Begin Again. Please feel free to yell at me in the comments if you feel so inclined.

Previous Chapter

Masterlist

Conversation flowed in the dining room and kitchen of the Hotchner residence as the BAU team and family impatiently anticipated the forthcoming announcement.

“It’s a boy, has to be,” Morgan mused.

“No way. Definitely a girl,” JJ contradicts.

“As much as it pains me to say, I think I have to go with Morgan on this one,” Emily admits.

“Garcia?” JJ inquires, “What do you think?”

“I have to agree with Chocolate Thunder on this one, love,”

“Are you all taking his side?” JJ asks with indignation. “I’ll bet you $50 that it’s a girl!”

“Oh you’re on, sweetheart,” Morgan complies with a winning smile.

“I don’t know if it’s a girl or a boy,” says Reid, “but I do know that I wouldn’t bet against JJ.”

“Thanks, Spence,” JJ replies, patting him on the shoulder. “Emily, Rossi? You wanna get in on the action?”

“Oh I am so staying out of this,” Prentiss responds. “Count me out.”

“I’m in with Morgan for $50,” Rossi states.

“Alright, but you’re all gonna be sorry,” JJ says with a smirk.

Overhearing the lively discussion, you enter the room.

“Children, what’s going on here?” You interject, “Don’t make me break up a fight.”

“Y/N! Just the lady I wanted to see!” Exclaims JJ. “May I?” She asks, gesturing towards your growing baby bump.

“Sure, go ahead,” you reply. “Do I even want to know?”

“We’re taking bets on the sex of the baby,” she replies placing a gentle hand on your belly. “And I am so totally going to win!”

“You can’t possibly know that, JJ,” Morgan interrupts.

“Call me crazy if you want,” says JJ, “but a mother knows.”

“I suppose you’ll all find out soon enough,” Aaron cuts in, placing a strong arm around your back and pressing his lips to yours for a quick, tender kiss. “Shall we?”

With that, everyone makes their way to the backyard, where a large golden balloon awaits.

Picking it up from the ground, Aaron asks, “Everybody ready?”

He didn’t really have to ask. The answer was unanimous.

“YES!”

“Jack, would you like to do the honors?” you inquire, holding out a safety pin for him.

“Can I?” he asks hopefully.

“Of course you can buddy. Just be careful, okay?”

“Yes, Mama.”

“Dad and I will count you in, okay? On three.”

Together, you and Aaron slowly count, “One, two, THREE!”

A loud pop from the balloon momentarily startles the crowd and then..... a cloud of pink confetti floats to the ground.

“YES!” JJ shouts in her excitement. “PAY UP, LOSERS! We got a baby shower to plan!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Several weeks later found you strolling through the back door of Rossi’s home into the yard where you’d married the man of your dreams not so very long ago.

This time it’s decorated for a slightly different occasion. Pale pink lanterns and streamers adorn everything in sight. A picnic table covered with a pink flowered cloth looks like it might collapse at any moment beneath the weight of a mountain of gifts wrapped in pastel paper. Heart shaped balloons are tied to the corners of another table on top of which is a giant bowl of pink punch, more food than you thought possible, and a breathtaking cake, decorated with tiny pink roses.

A tap on your shoulder brings you back to reality and you turn to see three beautiful, smiling faces. Women that you consider to be not only friends, but family at this point.

“Penny, Emily, JJ,” you say as your eyes begin to well up with tears, “This is too much! You shouldn’t have gone to this much trouble.”

“Oh this is the least we could have done for you, doll face,” Garcia interjects. “Nothing but the finest for my very best friend.”

“Don’t worry about it, my clean sweep at the gender reveal paid for most of this,” JJ jokes.

“You look absolutely radiant,” Emily adds, pulling you in for a hug.

“Where’s the boss man?” Penelope asks. “He’s coming isn’t he?”

“Oh yes” you reply. “He was helping Jack out of the car. He told me to come on in. He’s probably inside hanging out with boys for a minute.”

At that moment, you feel a pair of familiar arms encircling you, one across your chest and one just underneath your baby bump. A soft kiss on the cheek and he turns you around to face him. The tender look in his usually stern eyes melts you as he smiles and says,

“There’s my girls.”

“I love you, Aaron.”

“I love you too, darling.”

“Alright love birds, it’s time to get this show on the road!” exclaims Morgan, coming through the door with both Henry and Jack in tow.

“Thanks for keeping the kids entertained, Derek,” you whisper. “I don’t know what we’d do without you.”

“Don’t you worry about a thing, Mama. I’ve got it all under control,” he reassures with a wink.

“Should we be worried?” Aaron jokes under his breath.

“I’ll keep an eye on him,” Garcia offers, trailing off behind them.

Rossi and Reid bring up the tail end of the group, along with Jessica, Jack’s aunt, who had been previously supervising the kids.

“How are the parents-to-be feeling?” Rossi inquires.

“Overwhelmed, and so grateful,” you reply. “I know JJ said she covered most of it with her winnings, but I think we all know you pitched in too. And you’re a fantastic sport for letting the girls decorate your whole house pink.”

“Anything for some of my favorite people,” he replies patting you both on the shoulder.

“I’m so happy for you guys,” Reid chimes in. “This baby’s really lucky to have such loving parents.”

“Reid, stop. You’re gonna make me cry,” you squeak out, pulling a tissue from your purse.

Just then, Jessica wraps an arm around both of you.

“Jess, you know you didn’t have to come,” Aaron says.

“Nonsense!” comes her reply. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

As you go to sit so you can open presents, Morgan pulls out the chair for you, then pulls one out for Garcia as they settle in to watch the kids.

Maybe you were mistaken, but you could have sworn you saw a flirty look pass between them. A mischievous grin crosses your face. Perhaps you should do a bit of your own matchmaking.

“Jack!” you call. “Don’t you wanna help Mama open some of her presents?”

“Yeah! Can Henry help too?”

“What do you think JJ?” you ask.

“As long as it’s okay with you,” she agrees.

The kids ran up to help with their very important present duty. Jack retrieving smaller presents and helping rip the paper. Henry mostly just playing with the shiny bows. Thus leaving Morgan and Garcia free of responsibility.

When the last present had been opened, and the last game played, Aaron made his speech.

“Y/N and I just wanted to thank you all so much for being here today. We love each and every one of you like family, and we are truly grateful for all your love and support. We are truly blessed to have such wonderful people in our lives. Thank you again.”

As everyone was leaving, Penelope pulled you to the side.

“Did you call the kids over for help specifically to leave Derek and I alone together?”

“Penny, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” came your reply. “I’m just getting too big to be bending over to grab the presents and I thought it would be fun for the kids.”

“If you say so,” she says with a skeptical look.

As she walks away, Aaron whispers in your ear, “You are so wrong for that, you know?” with a playful shove of your shoulder.

“Oh they’re perfect for each other and everyone knows it. Besides, she played matchmaker for us and look what happened,” you reply, rubbing your belly.

“Okay, okay!” he surrenders with a grin. “You’re right. You’re always right. You win.”

——————————————————————————

As the weeks crept by, your little family was not so patiently awaiting the arrival of its newest addition. Being pregnant and taking care of a 6 year old without your husband was extremely taxing, making the moments that you did have with him exceedingly special.

Moments like today. It was nothing exciting, just sitting on the couch, enjoying each other’s company, but sometimes that’s all you really need.

Seated across from each other, You can’t help but admire the sweet look on his face as he touches your belly.

“I still can’t believe we’re having a baby girl,” he mentions.

“Neither can I,” you agree. “She’s gonna be smart,” you state, resting your hand on top of Aaron’s. “A lawyer like her daddy.”

“She can be anything she wants,” he says, looking up with his smile revealing the stunning dimples that caught your eye on your very first date. “As long as she’s happy.”

“God I love you, Aaron.”

“I love you more, angel.”

But mom duty never stops.

“Oh!” you exclaim. “It’s almost time to pick up Jack from school and I haven’t even started dinner!”

“Don’t worry about it, babe,” Aaron says. “I’ll take care of everything, you just relax.”

“But I,”

“Ssshhhhh,” he interrupts. “No buts. I will pick up Jack, I will get dinner. You deserve a break.”

“Alright, if you insist.”

“I do.”

He leans in and gently brushes his lips against yours.

“I’ll be back soon.”

What felt like an eternity later, you hear the front door open and two distinct sets of footsteps.

“Mama!” Jack yelled, scrambling up into your lap for a hug. “I missed you!”

“I missed you too, buddy,” you reassure, pulling him close to your chest.

“What’s for dinner, honey?” you ask?

A playful smirk forms on Aaron’s face, raising your suspicions.

“You’ll see. In the meantime, Jack how would you like to watch a movie with me and mom?”

You all settle on the sofa, Jack in Aaron’s lap and your head on your husband’s left shoulder. Just as you were drifting off to sleep near the end of the movie, a knock at the door startles you awake.

“Dinner’s here!” Aaron announces. “Come on buddy,” he encourages Jack. “Help me out.”

As you reach the table where the food is being laid out, tears begin to spring to your eyes.

“I got you fries and chocolate shake. And a cheeseburger. No mayo, extra pickles.”

“Babe,” you squeak out, “you remembered.”

“Of course I remembered. It’s all you talked about while I was away on my last case.”

You laugh and pull him close.

“I knew I married you for a reason.”

———————————————���——————————

Around your 36 week mark, Aaron called from his hotel room to check on you.

“How are you, love?”

“Still pregnant,” you gripe.

“I know you’re exhausted, mama. I’ll be home tomorrow. Just remember the go bag for the hospital is packed and sitting right by the front door, just in case.”

“Yes, Aaron. You remind me every day. Honestly I think it’s bit overboard, I’m fine.”

“I just worry about you being alone while I’m gone is all. It never hurts to be prepared. Anyway, I love you. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Love you too honey. Good night and be safe tomorrow.”

——————————————————————————

When Aaron arrived home the next night, he was greeted by the sight of you dozing on the couch.

Easing himself down on the edge, he swipes a lock of hair from your face. He softly kisses your forehead and watches as your eyes flutter open.

“Aaron?” you murmur. “You’re home.”

“I’m home,” he whispers. “How are my girls?”

“Better now that you’re home. I’ve had some pretty intense back pain, but otherwise fine.”

“Well sleeping on the couch probably isn’t helping,” he states matter of factly.

“Oh thank you doctor,” you reply sarcastically, giving his arm a playful slap. “I would never have known.”

“You’re welcome,” he says with a shit eating grin. “Let’s get some sleep.”And with that, he sweeps you off the couch, heading for the master bedroom.

——————————————————————————

You woke the next morning still in pain, but not wanting to disturb Aaron. You struggle to sit up, finally managing after a few tries. You pull back the sheets and immediately get a sense of panic and dread at the sight of blood on the hem of your nightgown and the sheets beneath you. As the tears begin to stream, you instinctively call out for him.

Waking up at the sound of his name he asks, “what’s wrong, baby?”

But he realizes the problem before you even get a chance to respond.

Amazingly he seems not to panic at all. The tears and hysterics don’t faze him at all. He simply grabs you out of the bed, carries your directly to the car, and buckles you in.

“Stay right here,” he instructs. “I’m getting Jack and we’re going to the hospital right now.”

What seems like an eternity later, but in reality was only a few minutes, Aaron emerges from the house with Jack and the go bag.

He peels out of the driveway and drives to the nearest hospital with no regard for the speed limit.

When you arrived to the emergency entrance, you look at him with a panic stricken face.

“I’m scared, Aaron.”

“Don’t worry darling,” he says soothingly. “I’m going to get you some help.”

The next thing you know several people are helping you out of the car and loading you onto a stretcher. As they wheel you inside he follows closely behind with Jack asleep in his arms.

“What going on?” you plead.

“I don’t know, love but they’re going to help,” he reassures.

Just then you overhear a member of the medical staff informing Aaron that he’s not allowed any farther.

“What do you mean he can’t come with me?” You wail.

“I’m sorry ma’am, but bleeding is very serious. Both you and the baby could be in danger. We need to get you treatment now and we can’t have any family in the room.”

“It’s okay,” Aaron says in a very calm and sure tone. “They’re going to take good care of you. Everything will be fine.”

“FINE? Nothing about this is fine!” you shout. “I can’t do this without you, Aaron.”

“Yes you can,” he replies, holding your hand. “You’re the strongest woman I know. You have to. Do it for her.” He says, placing his hand on your belly.

“We have to go now,” one of the nurses insist.

“Be strong for me okay?” He pleads, gaining a short tearful nod from you in response.

“I love you,” he calls out as they wheel you swiftly down the hall. Just before the stretcher is out of sight he hears your response.

“I love you more.”

——————————————————————————

Collapsing into a chair in the waiting area, mind racing with worry, Aaron does the only thing he can think of at the moment.

The phone rings, and then,

“Aaron! I wasn’t expecting to hear from you so soon after a case,” Rossi says. “We don’t have plans today, do we?”

“No, Dave. It’s Y/N. We’re at the hospital.”

“Wow, I didn’t think she was due for a few more weeks.”

“She’s not,” Aaron explains, his voice beginning to break. “When we woke up, she was bleeding. From what I understand, it’s pretty serious. You’re the first person I thought to call.”

“Oh my God,” Rossi breathes. “I’ll be there as soon as I can. Should I call the rest of the team?”

“Yeah, I think that would be best. I could really use some help with Jack. He’s still asleep for now, but,” Aaron pauses for a moment, choking back tears. “I don’t know what to tell him when he wakes up,” he finishes quietly.

“Just hold on, Aaron,” Rossi replies. “We’re coming.”

——————————————————————————

Within an hour, the whole BAU team was crowding the hospital waiting room. Hugs were exchanged and Aaron had handed a still sleeping Jack off to JJ.

Everyone waited in tense silence, not knowing quite what to say.

“I’m scared out my mind, Dave,” Aaron confines to him. “I can’t lose her. I’ve been through too much already. And Jack, God it would crush him if anything happened to her.”

“I think he’s waking up,” JJ whispers.

“Dad?” He asks in a daze as he wakes. “Miss JJ? Where are we?” He questions now aware of the unfamiliar surroundings.

Coming over to squat down in front of him, Aaron does his best to explain.

“Well buddy, this morning mom got sick, so we brought her to the hospital, and the doctors are taking good care of her.”

“Is she going to be okay?” he inquires. “And my baby sister?”

“I hope so, the doctors are working really hard to make mom better okay?”

“Daddy, we should say a prayer for Mama,” Jack responds. “And my baby sister too.”

“I think that’s a great idea, Jack,” Aaron responds, as he quickly turns away to wipe a tear.

The whole group gathered closely around Jack and Aaron. Everyone took turns saying prayer for the health and well being of Y/N and her unborn daughter.

Moments after the last amen was said; just when Aaron thought he would die if he waited a moment longer, a doctor came through the doors.

“Mr. Hotchner?”

Aaron stood, bracing himself for the news.

“Is it alright if I speak in front of the group?”

“Yes, they’re family. Please, just— do you have news about my wife?”

“Sir,” the doctor continues with a look of concern. “You all may want to sit down for this.”

——————————————————————————

Tag list: @ange-must-die @agenthotchner @moonstuffsteve @poetsacademia @hotchners-slut @arganfics @ladyreapermc @rousethemouse @less-intelligent-spencerreid @tgibstan @themanip @word-scribbless @quillvine @glizzieborden @miss-united-ace @samayoshito

[saelwen]

Eonwë x Modern!Reader

Eonwë x Modern!Reader

Request by a lovely anon:

Hi! Can we get Eonwe and a modern!reader oneshot ❤️

Masterlist

Warning: Death, Fluff

Words: 2k

“I can’t see shit!” you snarl under your breath as you drive your old car through a heavy storm.

It has been a particularly awful day for you. When you got to your workplace in the morning, you were met by a tone of paperwork on your desk. By the lunch break, your boss had come to you and start yelling at you for something that your stupid coworker had done.

When you were preparing to drive home, a big storm broke. Pouring rain so heavy that you couldn’t anything in the road. You were grumpy from your horrible day, all you wanted was to go home and have a lovely hot bath with a delicious wine to go with.  

Your phone ringed, making you look down for a second. You took from your bag and look to the flat screen, seeing your boss number on it. A grunt fell from your lips and you throw your phone back to your bag.

“Whatever he needs, it will have to wait.” you murmured.

You turn your gaze back to the road and a curse fell from your lips as you see the front of a massive truck in front of you. You don’t know of what had happened next since you blacked out, only feeling a sharp pain on your stomach and hearing screams along with ambulance sirens.

----

A soft hand cup your cheek gently, making you groan and turn away from the gentle touch.

“Just more five minutes!” you mumbled, trying to push the cover-up to your head but not finding it.

Your eyes shot open and you sit up, looking around with wide eyes. Remembering the awful pain on your stomach and the warm liquid falling from it. You look down and notice that there wasn’t any wound on you, not even a single scratch. You were wearing a white sundress that goes down to your ankles.

“What the fuck?” you whisper quietly, confused.

“That’s not very nice to say.” a rich gentle voice sounded beside you, make you jump in surprise.

Beside you stood a beautiful man with long light brown hair. His eyes were radiate golden, something that you’ve never seen at anyone. The man was wearing some kind of armor, long delicate feathers coming out from his shoulder plates. Was he some kind of cosplayer? And why was he so close to you?

“Who are you?!” you asked, your voice firm.

The man stood up, his muscled body towering yours. “I think I'm the one who should make that question, Human,” he said calmly.  

“Human?! Excuse me but I have a name!” you said while standing up, trying to seem intimidating but failing since you were a tiny thing beside the massive man. You looked more a tiny angry chihuahua.

“Then enlighten me with your name, Human,” he said with his brow lifted, a small smirk on his lips as he said human.

You roll your eyes and put your hands on your waist, puffing your chest. “I’m Y/n L/n! And who are you? And why are you cosplaying?” you said while looking up and down to his strange armor.

The man tilted his handsome face, totally confused by your words. “Cosplaying? What’s that?” he asked.

“Don’t joke with me! I’m not at my best mood today!” you sigh tiredly. “Cosplay is what you are wearing!” you said while pointing to his clothes.

He looks down at his clothes, still confused by what you mean. “Excuse me but this is my armor! Forged by the best craftsman in all Arda, Aulë!” he said with a proud smile. Arda? Aulë? Where the fuck are you?!  

Looking at your surroundings, you notice that you were in the middle of a beautiful valley. Tall green grass shaking with the soft breeze. The sun shining high in the sky, bathe you two in his warmth.  

“Oh, God...I really died!... I died and now I'm at heaven with a cosplayer angel!” you whisper, your breath coming out in little puffs. Panic and fear spreading through your body like wildfire. “W..Where am I?” you asked quietly to the man.

“You are in Valinor! The blessed lands!... Lands that weren’t made for humans which why I want to know how did you get here?” his voice deep and dark, make you shiver.

Taking a deep breath, you put your hand on where should be a large wound from the accident and look to him. “I..I don’t know how did I get here... I just had a car accident, which had taken my life, and then I woke here.” you sigh and look down. “I just wanted to go home,” you whisper.

The man sighs and begins walking towards a huge gate, nodding for you to follow him. “Well, that didn’t answer my question very well. I take you to my King and see what he thinks.” he said more gently this time. “And by the way...I’m Eonwë.” a small grin appears on his rough lips which made a light blush spread through your cheeks.

---

Your meeting with King Manwë and Queen Varda was the most incredible and terrifying thing that you ever made. When you enter in the Throne room, you were amazed by the architect of the room. It was like something from a medieval movie.  

Your eyes almost jump from your face when you saw Queen Varda. She had long beautiful black locks that were decorated with small pearls, making it look like she had stars on her hair. Her skin was pale like the moon which highlights her dark blue gown.  

Her husband, King Manwë, was also something from another world. He was contrary to his wife, he had long white hair and light brown skin. He was wearing long white and grey robes, with a beautiful silver crown on his head.

Your arrival was also a huge surprise to them, confused by how a mere human could enter in the blessed lands.

You told them your story and that earns you a sympathy gaze from Queen Varda. They told Eonwë to keep an eye on you and to not tell the other Valar and elves of your existence. He nods and took you to your hiding chambers which were in his room, almost like a walking closet. It was larger than your old apartment.  

“They were cool!” you said cheerfully while jumping on your new bed.

“Cool?” he tilts his head, confused by your strange vocabulary. “What’s that mean?”  

You let out a giggle and roll your eyes. “It means that they were good people,” you said, yawning loudly.

“Well, I will let you have some rest,” he said while walking out of your room. “Have a cool rest, Lady Y/n.” with that he closes the door.

You let out a chuckle, trying to not laugh like a maniac from him trying to huge your vocabulary. As your head hit the soft pillow you were out, sleeping like a baby.

---

Weeks pass by with you closed in your room. You were told that you can’t roam freely in Valinor since no one except Eonwë and King Manwë and his Queen, knew about you.  

You try once to convince Eonwë to take you outside but he only shook his head and told you that he had to follow his King orders.

With nothing to do, you pass your days reading some books from Eonwë’s room or listening to his stories which you adore. You two had become really close since you almost share the room.  

He was quite patient with you, trying to teach you his language and his culture. You were shocked when he told you that he was freaking God....well not exactly a God but he was immortal and have freaking powers! You had asked him once to teach you how to use a sword but he said that he had to ask his King first.

A groan fell from your lips as you look out from the huge windows, seeing the beautiful large moon high in the dark sky.

“I would give a leg for just to touch the grass.” you murmured.

“That won't be necessary, Lady Y/n.” a familiar smooth voice sounded behind you.

You look back and saw Eonwë standing by the door with a smirk on his face. His long brown hair styled on a messy bun. He was wearing a long robe which was a surprise since you only see him in his armor. You liked to see him like this. He looked more ...relaxed.

“What that’s means?” you asked while walking towards him.

He grabs your hand gently with his and pulls you, leading out of the room. “I have a surprise for you but you have to keep silence about this,” he said with his perfect eyebrow lifted. You nod quickly and let him lead you to your surprise.

After walking down the large hallways and walk down long stairs, you were standing outside. A huge grin broke through your face, happy to feel the warm breeze hit your skin.  

You two were standing in the middle of a beautiful garden. A sweet smell hovered the air, making your body and mind relax. Eonwë leads you to a bench stone and you two sat there, hearing the smooth water falling down of the fountain beside you.

“This place is amazing!” you whisper, looking around in awe.

“I thought that you would like it,” he said, looking up to the large moon. “You are a very strange being, Y/n”  

You look up at him, frowning slightly. “How so?” you asked.

“From the day I found you in that valley, you haven’t cry not even once.” his voice was soft and calm. “Not once wished to go back to your old life...to your world.”  

You took a deep breath and look down at your hands. “My life wasn’t great there...didn’t have family or friends. No one to miss.” you clean a small tear that had escaped from your eye. “While here had a friend... someone to call family,” you whisper, looking to him from under your thick lashes.

A gentle smile was on his face, his golden eyes shined with the moonlight. He puts his large hand on yours and squeezes it gently. “I’m glad to hear that, Y/n...I also have found a friend in you...even more than that.” the last words come out in a whisper but you caught it.

You smile and rest your head on his shoulder, sighing happily. He wraps his strong around your waist and pulls you to him, kissing softly your head.

You two stay all night there, looking at the moon with gentle smiles on your faces. Happy to be on each other arms.

Hey Guys!!! Here’s a new one-shot with Eonwë!! I hope you like it and feel free to comment and tell me what you think! 

XOXO

[ladycatofwinterfell]

A new marriage and an old one, pt3

Summary: Robb is getting married and Catelyn have been married for many years. This is a happy story about the Starks (mostly Ned and Cat, but also the others) that takes place in a world where AGoT never happened and they’re all living happily in Winterfell. 

Rating: I’d say mature, but message me if it should be changed.

English is not my first language, so I apologize if there’s any spelling or grammar mistakes. I hope you enjoy it :)

~*~

How was Catelyn going to ever pray in her sept again without thinking of that? Thanks to Ned, she didn’t believe it was possible. But it had felt good, so so good. And it still occupied her mind hours later even though they had only been there for a couple of minutes. She didn't have time to be distracted but she found herself thinking back on her moment with Ned in the sept over and over again. Tonight was so far away, she just wanted to get to it immediately. She was a patient woman usually, but with all that was going on it was so nice to just relax into Ned’s touch every once in a while. It was such a sweet feeling to let him take care of her in every way imaginable and just forget about all the things that screamed to be done.

She was currently trying to get the seating to go together. And it was giving her a headache straight from the deepest of the seven hells. The Boltons didn’t go very well with any of the houses with lands next to them, there had been conflict there, to say the least. It had involved a few angry letters and meetings about the fact that Roose Bolton had a very hard time with keeping his hunting on his lands. But maybe she could place them close to the Dustins. There had been no conflict there that Catelyn was aware of. But maybe she was wrong and the whole feast would fall because of it. All she knew was that she didn’t want the Dustins close to herself. Barbrey Dustin seemed to dislike Catelyn fiercely for some unknown reason, and she wasn’t very fond of Ned either. And the Reeds of the Neck rarely showed up at Winterfell, but now they were coming for the wedding of their liege lord’s eldest son. They went well with everyone, didn't they? Or had there been some conflicts with the Flints of Flint’s Finger about men disappearing in the swamp? She had a feeling of that Ned had mentioned it to her some time ago while they were getting ready for bed. Had they solved that with good tones or had it ended badly? Well, it was wiser to not place them next to each other, she didn't want to risk anything. Fights could end with injured and dead men and she wanted no such things to happen in her hall, she wanted no further conflict between any houses in the north. 

She sat like that for what at least felt like hours. With the list of everyone who had said that they would attend and a drawing of all the tables in the Great Hall in front of her. Slowly she crossed names off the list and filled the tables with them and every once in a while she had to start over with a table because she had forgotten something or someone, or because she had placed someone too close or too far away from the high table. And when she finally looked down at the finished seating plan she realized that she had forgotten herself, Ned, and the Tyrells, because she had forgotten that Robb and Margaery would have the high table all to themselves, as was tradition. Gods, her little Robb was getting married. He would have a wife soon, would become a father and have a little family of his own. Time went too fast, they were all slipping from her fingers before her eyes. Maybe it was greedy to ask the gods, Ned’s or hers, for another child, but she wanted one last child that was hers before her children started having children. She would be a grandmother soon if the gods blessed Robb and Margaery with a child. She had thought of it often since Margaery and her family arrived at. Winterfell. That there would be children running around around the castle that would call her “Grandmother” instead of “Mother”. The thought made her both very happy and sad. She was getting old.

And that was not what she was supposed to be thinking about.

She sighed deeply and rested her head in her hands, closing her eyes. Her head was pounding. How could seating be so hard when she had done it a hundred times before? And why did she even bother? Everyone would start moving around and changing seats the moment all the courses had been served. As soon as the dancing started all she had planned would fall apart anyway. But it had to be done, because her eldest son was getting married and it had to be perfect. And she had to make sure all of the more important guests fit inside the Great Hall. There would be fires and food outside for the free riders and men that had came with their lords, but the more important men had to be inside the hall.

“My lady, is everything alright?”

She raised her head from her hands and saw that Maester Luwin had entered the room. She had been too deep in her thoughts and feelings to notice. Her immediate answer to his question was “No, everything is not okay. I have a headache, I can’t get the seating together and my children are growing up too fast”, but that was not what she said.

“Yes, Maester. Everything is alright, I’m just trying to get the seating together” Catelyn said and looked down at the papers before her. “It’s harder than one would think it is.”

She, Ned and the Tyrells had to be closest to the high table, so she would have to move everyone back a little. But then the people at the end of the hall wouldn’t fit inside. Maybe if she squeezed them together a little everyone would fit inside. But then they would practically sit in each other’s laps. She decided that maybe they would think that it was worth it to attend the wedding feast of the eldest son of Eddard and Catelyn Stark. Or they could always go outside, she had no doubts about that the celebrations wouldn’t be big outside the Great Hall too.

“Do you need my help, my lady?” Luwin asked. “Or do you want me to send for anyone?”

“There’s no need” she said and frowned. “Or wait. Send for Sansa, Arya, and Lady Margaery. I will have need of them.”

The Maester bowed before he left her with her struggles again. She tried to get it together, tried to make it work. And every now and then she suddenly remembered something that forced her to make a drastic changing to the seating. Wedding planning really was a lot, she would be exhausted by the time it was all over. She almost longed for it. It would be good to have the amount of work go back to normal.

“Mother.”

Arya poked her head into the room.

“Maester Luwin said you wanted to see me.”

“Yes” Catelyn said. “Have a seat, sweetling.” 

She smiled at the thought of getting company in her misery. Company that would help her put an end to it. So that she could bury herself in the next one by getting started on other things that really needed to be done.

“You’re doing seating, aren’t you?” Arya said as she sat down in a chair on the other side of the desk. “Robb said you would be doing that today.”

“I’m tempted to let him do the seating himself” Catelyn said with another sigh. “It’s his wedding, not mine.”

“Nah, it’s been some time since you married.”

“Twenty years today.”

Sansa also came in through the open door, immediately joining the conversation.

“Did you like Father’s gift?” she asked. “I helped him with it.”

“It was lovely” Catelyn assured her.

It had been a wonderful gift. She had nothing for Ned, which made her feel pretty bad. She had not even remembered that it was their wedding day. Maybe it was actually her who had to make something up to him that night.

“It was, wasn’t it? The colors were so pretty!”

“They really were. But that was not why I called you here, I need help with the seating. It has to be done today, preferably before supper.”

The fact that there was a possibility of that they would have to keep on with the seating after supper made Catelyn extremely tired. She just wanted to eat in peace and then retire to her chambers with Ned. But that wouldn’t happen, since she just couldn’t get the damn seating to work out. When Jon married his Alys she would not volunteer to do more than she absolutely had to. Haha, who was she trying to fool? She would absolutely take on more work than she could actually handle and then she would curse herself for not remembering how stressed she had been when she was planning Robb’s wedding.

“Mother, I can see in your eyes that you really want this to be done before supper. So could you please hand me the paper so that we can have a look?” Arya said and stretched out a hand.

Catelyn gave her daughter the paper and leaned back in her chair while Sansa and Arya looked at it. She sat quiet and just listened to them talk with low voices about what you could do with the damn seating. All her daughters were absolutely brilliant girls and she fully trusted that they would do a good job with whatever task she gave them.

“You wanted to see me, Lady Stark?”

Margaery looked into the room.

“Oh yes, come inside” Catelyn said and smiled. “We are trying to fix the seating, would you mind giving us a hand?”

“Not at all, I would love to help!”

Thank the gods. For a moment Catelyn considered to leave the girls to it and take a short break. But did she have time for that? Absolutely not, she needed to look over all the resources and shippings to Winterfell so that the kitchens had everything they needed for all the courses that would be served. But she would rather discuss with Sansa, Arya and Margaery than sit in silence and just read through page upon page of documentations of the latest wagons that had arrived to the castle.

And so the four women sat huddled around the desk and tried again and again to get everything together. The sun started to sink down underneath the horizon outside the windows and Catelyn was forced to light candles and get a fire burning in the hearth so that they would be able to see anything. 

“Almost all these people are new to me” Margaery said. “It’s hard.”

“None of them are new to me and I’ve been here for hours. It doesn’t make it any easier” Catelyn said.

Maybe it actually would have been easier if she hadn’t been married to the liege lord of all those people. She would’t have had to take so much into consideration because she would have known nothing. What wouldn’t she have given to just know nothing of all the squabbles among the northern lords?

“But if we do it this way” Sansa said.

“Nope, that won’t work” Arya said immediately. “Where are the Umbers? How could you even forget them? You are betrothed to the Smalljon!”

“You know, Mother, now I understand why you look like you are thrice widowed” Sansa sighed.

Catelyn had been aware of that she probably looked as tired as she felt, but honestly, was it really that bad? Maybe it was. And on top of looking like hew was thrice widowed, she was getting really hungry. She had not eaten anything since she broke her fast and there had been many hours since that. 

“I’m glad you get it, sweetling” she said. 

All four of them looked up at the same time when it knocked on the door and Ned came in. 

“Could you come outside with me, Cat? I need a word.”

She wondered what he had to say. Had anything happened? He didn’t look worried. But he didn’t look very happy either. He just seemed tired. How lovely that they were in the same mood.

“Of course” she said and rose form her chair. “You can continue, girls, I’ll be right back.”

They walked out of the solar together and Ned closed the door behind her. And without saying a word he pulled her into an embrace. She laid her arms around his waist and leaned against him as he buried his face in her hair. 

“I’m tired” he said.

“Me too. This really is a lot.”

“Jon will have to wait.”

“Preferably until I’m dead and buried” she said and smiled. “That way I won’t have to do anything.”

He chuckled softly at that. Then they were quiet again. She closed her eyes and just took in the feeling of his arms around her. His heat and the smell of him, it was so calming. She had really needed that. 

“Was that what you wanted to say?” she asked after a few minutes.

“No, but I needed to have you close for just a moment” Ned said. “What I actually came to say is that supper is being served now. You should come down to the Great Hall to eat.”

That meant that they were not going to be done before supper. How absolutely terrific. Catelyn was ready to cry at that point.

“We’ll be down soon” she said. “So keep my chair empty.”

“No, you should come now. You need a break” Ned said softly.

“I have already had a break today. And it was an excellent break, but I don’t have time for one more. And if I finish it now I will be free after supper.”

She looked up at him. 

“I seem to recall that we had plans for tonight. We won’t be able to carry out with those if I have to sit up with that half the night because I took too many breaks.”

He sighed and kissed her forehead.

“Okay” he said. “But promise that if it takes too long you will take a break and come down and get some food. You need to eat, my love.”

“I won’t be long” she said. “I promise.”

She gave him a quick kiss before she turned to go back inside. But just as she was about to lay her hand on the door handle the door flew open and Arya almost danced out.

“We did it, Mother!” she shouted. “We solved the seating!”

Oh thank the gods, old and new. Finally it was over. Catelyn could go down and have supper! She was free from the seating.

Sansa and Margaery also appeared in the doorway behind Arya, both of them were shining. And an overwhelming feeling of pride took over Catelyn. Those were her girls, in one way or another. And they had actually thought out a way to make it all work. Oh how she loved them for it.

“You’re brilliant, all three of you” Catelyn smiled. “I knew you would do it!”

Well, if she was going to be completely honest, she had had her moments of doubt about that they would actually managed to finish the task. But those were all washed away, now she was purely happy and proud of them.

“Ned” she said and turned to him once more. “Please take me down to have some supper. I’m starving.”

~*~

”To twenty more years” Ned said and raised his cup to her.

”I’m a greedy woman, I want at least thirty” Catelyn replied and raised her own cup.

”To thirty more years then.”

”To thirty more years” she smiled and drank.

The Great Hall was so filled with people that you could almost believe that it was the day of the wedding. It wasn’t, so many people had arrived with the Tyrells. And northern lords and their parties also started to arrive, it was just a little more than two weeks left after all. Winterfell and the winter town were both filled with more people than ever. Catelyn, who was in her usual chair next to Ned’s high seat, could see each and every person in the hall. She had some of the Tyrell family to her right, the rest was on Ned’s left.

”I didn’t mean to listen, but I overheard your conversation” Olenna Tyrell said. ”I want to congratulate you on your twenty years.”

”Thank you, my lady” Catelyn said and smiled again.

”Standing out with a man for that long is an accomplishment” Olenna continued.

Catelyn glanced at Ned for a second. He was in conversation with Mace Tyrell, Olenna’s son.

“It’s hard sometimes, but worth it in the end.”

Ned could absolutely drive her to madness every now and then, but she loved him. He was a loving and good husband to her, and a loving and good father to their children. He was a good, but just lord to his people. She couldn't have asked for a better person to share her life with. He had helped her into her second home and loved her even when she felt like she was unlovable.

Olenna was just about to reply when someone grabbed Catelyn’s arm. She looked down and saw little Hoster. He was a copy of Ned, but with her own eyes and her nose. The Stark face and hair with the Tully blue eyes. He and Lyanna were the only one of their children who had taken after something from both her and Ned.

”What is it, Hoster?” she asked.

”Lyanna hit me” the little boy whined. ”With a stick.”

”How did she get a stick in here?” Catelyn mumbled to herself and looked out over the hall in order to find Lyanna.

Her handmaiden should have been watching her. And prevented her from bringing a stick to supper. It was hard to find such a small girl in such a large crowd, but Catelyn managed to catch sight of her youngest daughter’s fiery red hair between two tables.

”Excuse me for a moment, Lady Olenna” Catelyn said.

She took Hoster’s little hand in hers and walked around the high table to go down and get Lyanna. It was clearly bedtime for her and her twin brother.

”Lyanna!” she said sharply. ”What are you doing with that stick?”

The little girl smiled up at her. She too had Ned’s long face, but she had Catelyn’s red hair and blue eyes. She was an extremely charming girl at the age of six, she knew exactly how to get what she wanted and how to get out of anything. She owned the heart of every person in Winterfell. Especially Ned’s, she could just smile and he would immediately forget everything about how she had misbehaved. It was as though her little face smiling at him made the Lord of Winterfell completely blind.

The thing was that she was not always like that, she did everything she was told when she wanted. She could behave like a perfect little lady when she wanted to. Some days she was impeccable and some days she was a nightmare. It depended solely on what she felt that day. But no matter which, she was always the most charming little thing to have ever walked around in the world. Catelyn couldn’t deny that.

”It’s a sword, Mother!” she explained cheerfully. ”I’m protecting people from evil dragons!”

”And why did you hit your brother?” Catelyn asked.

”He said I’ll never be a real dragonslayer. So I hit him, because he is an evil dragon.”

”Dragons doesn’t exist anymore. Maester Luwin says so” Hoster sneered from Catelyn’s side. ”You’re stupid for thinking they’re still real.”

Her little twin pair was usually very tight, they were together at all times. When they started getting cranky with each other she knew it was bedtime, and by the morning they would be partners in mischief again.

”Well, you look like a dragon!” Lyanna pouted. ”Ugly!”

”Hush, both of you” she told them. ”It appears you’ve both done something bad, I want you to apologize to each other.”

Lyanna and Hoster remained silent. They could be stubborn as ox, it was very hard to get them to do something they absolutely didn’t want to do.

”I want you to apologize to each other” she repeated, a little more strictly the second time. ”And I want you to mean it.”

”I’m sorry” Lyanna mumbled and looked down at the ground. ”I shouldn’t have hit you.”

”And I’m sorry for saying that you’re stupid” Hoster almost whispered.

”Will you go to bed as friends?” Catelyn asked.

”Yes” Lyanna said and smiled at Hoster.

Hoster smiled back at her. It never took long for them to make up, fortunately.

Catelyn waved for their handmaidens to come and put them to bed. Then she returned to the high table.

”Your youngest daughter was slaying dragons instead of eating her supper” she informed Ned when she sat down again.

As she had suspected, Ned only laughed. Lyanna could have killed someone and Ned still would have waved it off.

”She has a wild imagination, our daughter” he chuckled.

”She’s your daughter for as long as she pretends her brother is a dragon and hits him with sticks.”

”She’s more like you.”

”When have you ever seen me hit my brother with a stick?” Catelyn asked, slightly offended.

You wouldn’t have found her in the Great Hall of Riverrun with a stick. If she had been to hit her brother with a stick, she would have done it where no one would be able to see her so that there were no witnesses. You had to do it with finesse, you didn’t want to get caught.

Ned took her hand and looked her in the eye.

”I mean she has the charm that I lack. You know your way with speech, my love.”

Ned was excellent with speech when he had to. He could have seduced the queen if he set his mind on it. Catelyn knew that better than anyone.

”You two could stab me in my sleep and I would forgive you as I bled out and died” Ned continued.

Catelyn laughed.

”Your northerners wouldn’t forgive us though. I suspect that my head would be separated from my body before you had time to die.”

”I don’t want to find out if you’re right” Ned said.

”Well, I’m not about to stab you. And I don’t think Lyanna will stab you” she told him. 

”So I have no reason to worry when I go to bed tonight?”

Catelyn smiled as she leaned over towards Ned so that no one would hear what she said.

”Not if you make up for leaving me yesterday” she whispered.

”You won’t even remember it when I’m done with you.”

”Is that a promise?” she asked teasingly.

He kissed her on the lips then. There, in full view of everyone in the hall. She was almost ashamed of how much she liked that. She belonged to him, and he would have everyone know that.

”It is.”

~*~

[leserrurierdauphin]

Les Restes

The news from France, when it arrived at Schoenbrunn, was grim. Sweet Archduchess Maria Josepha had departed a year and a half ago to seal the rather sudden and shaky alliance between her native Austria and France. She had been sad to go, but as always had obeyed her mother’s wishes with a smile and only a few tears while her two little sisters, Charlotte and Antonia, wept in each other’s arms as if foreign marriages didn’t await them both as well.

Josepha had, at eighteen, been thrust into a gilded and venomous world when she arrived at the court of Versailles. Her new husband was a tall, shy fourteen-year-old boy who blushed when their eyes met. The young dauphin had kissed his bride’s cheek at the wedding ceremony and then again every night afterwards, but he never did anything else. Since Josepha was very pretty and as sweet as a bonbon, nobody at the French court bothered to lower their voices when they wondered aloud: why isn’t the dauphine with child yet?

From there, their eyes would turn to Louis. Though he was more of a child than Josepha and knew nothing at all about girls, always shut away instead with his books or in his makeshift smithy, tongues wagged about the poor boy. Josepha’s mother had so many children. Surely she, too, was fertile. The problem must be elsewhere.

What kind of king will he make? He can’t even do his duty to the dauphine!

Even the obedient and pleasant Josepha despaired of ever providing an heir in her letters home, though she knew no more about how to set about doing so than her inexperienced husband.

Unfortunately, when the next letter regarding her daughter’s marriage reached Maria Theresa, it had nothing to do with the royal bedchamber. The empress, rather than discovering that she would soon be a grandmother to a future French monarch--or at least that there was reason to hope--learned that she had lost yet another child.

The letter was dated 26 March 1771, just days after Josepha’s twentieth birthday. Her Highness the dauphine died this morning after being stricken with smallpox, it stated. Josepha had like her beloved older sister Johanna fallen victim, even far away in France, to her worst fear: death by pox. She had left no children, only a sixteen-year-old widower, and thus her death threatened the already-fragile French alliance.

It didn’t take long for the wily old King Louis and Josepha’s grieving but ever-practical mother to arrive at a solution, though. Maria Theresa had one remaining unmarried daughter for whom no betrothal had yet been made. She was only a year younger than her French brother-in-law Louis-Auguste. Her mother was happy to report that, though she was a late bloomer, at fifteen she no longer looked like an undeveloped child. Would Maria Antonia be an acceptable substitute for the late dauphine?

“You, my little Antoine, will be Queen of France,” Maria Theresa informed her youngest daughter with confidence, as if the same hadn’t been expected of Josepha.

Before Antonia rode off into the late summer heat to leave her Austrian life behind and adopt her sister’s French one, the empress hugged her close and said: “I am sending France an angel. Remember that you represent Austria. Remember your duty.” She patted the girl’s cheek for good measure. “And your prayers. God bless you, child.”

Her mother’s final point was hardly oblique: whatever troubles the last dauphine had had with her husband, Antonia needed to overcome them and bear French children to make sure Austria and France were bound by ties of blood. Where Josepha had failed, she must succeed.

•   •   •

Louis-Auguste shifted from one foot to another as the royal party waited to catch sight of the carriage carrying their newest Austrian import. It didn’t seem fair to the memory of poor Marie Josèphe to replace her so quickly, as if she had never been, nor to do so with one of her own sisters. Not that Louis had gotten a say in the matter--to hear his grandfather talk about it, you’d have thought he, Louis, had killed Josèphe himself.

“This time, my boy, I expect you to do your duty by this girl,” the king had said, and his duty was of course to provide heirs to the French throne.

No matter, he thought, that he had two younger brothers. His grandfather knew that heirs could be in short and fleeting supply. He was himself a great-grandson of the Sun King and had seen his eldest sons and grandsons--Louis’ brothers--in the grave while he was still living life to the fullest. At Louis’ age, the king had also married a girl older than himself and had felt no sympathy or understanding regarding the boy’s complete disinterest--or, for that matter, his lack of knowledge and experience.

He may not have been much of a husband to her, Louis thought, but he had been grieved by Josèphe’s death. She had been very kind and patient, feigning interest in his locks and keys and books as best she could, and despite his incompetence in bed, she had been quite pretty.

At least he had known her. This new archduchess was a wild card. She could be everything or nothing like her sister, but either way, she’d be a stranger. Louis dreaded the meeting with another girl, dreaming of being Queen of France someday only to be utterly disappointed by her quiet and reserved future king.

She’s my age, if nothing else, he thought glumly, or closer to it. In a few weeks he would turn seventeen, and if failing to consummate a marriage as a clumsy fourteen-year-old boy was somewhat understandable, no one had sympathy for him anymore.

Everyone stopped chattering and their heads lifted at the sound of carriage wheels through the woods at last. Louis took a shuddering breath. It was hellishly hot today, and as pessimistic as he was about the whole affair, he hoped he hadn’t sweated all the way through his suit. That would be a terrible way to make a first impression on the girl with whom he would (he hoped--he didn’t wish anything ill on her) spend the rest of his days.

When the door to the carriage opened, it revealed a petite young woman clad in silk. That young woman would see a colorfully-attired and rather portly older man with a fabulous hat and sash across his broad chest. This must be the king. Beside him stood Louis, her former brother-in-law and new husband. He was, even from a distance, obviously quite tall. He wore a dark blue silk suit with a band of black around the right arm in honor of Antonia's lost sister. Though his expression was very somber, as if he was still in mourning, he had an attractive if distinctively Bourbon face (in that one could see at a glance that he was related to the king).

One of the girl's attendants stepped forward as they approached. Bowing, the lady announced: "Votre Majesté, may I present Madame la Dauphine."

[ficsandcatsandficsandcats]

Here’s an idea for Punk!AU! How about Sam is on her first proper date with Nic, and Daddy Jaskier with the help of Uncle Geralt and Uncle Valdo follow them to spy on them (as Jaskier is feral that Sam and Nic might do more than just kissing), and Jaskier sees them kissing passionately, and overthinks that they’re going to get it on, in which Sam gets angry at her for treating her like a child, and Jaskier feels guilty thinking his daughter hates him and they hug and say sorry in the end.

Fandom: The WitcherPairing: Punk!Jaskier x Fatherhood, Punk!Uncle SquadWord Count: 2,176Rating: TTaglist: @heroics-and-heartbreak @whatevermonkey @mynamesoundslikesherlock @magic-multicolored-miracle @writingstudent @mlleecrivaine @coffee-and-stories @ultracolorfulnerdcollection @astouract@your-not-invisible-to-me @kemmastan  a/n: Bless these sweet babies and bless the Uncle Squad + Dad!Jaskier’s hearts and most of all bless you for the prompt, nonners

Jaskier had actually allowed himself to believe that maybe Sam and Nic wouldn’t ever date. Valdo shot that down every time he voiced it, citing his own longtime feelings for Aevryn that he didn’t act on until much later. Geralt never really told Jaskier he was wrong but he grew suspiciously quiet and distracted by something whenever Jaskier asked him to back him up. The pair had been crushing on each other a bit since they’d met in middle school and now they were in high school and still nothing.

Until today.

Sam had announced casually that Nic was taking her on a date to the aquarium that Friday evening and when Jaskier protested that he hadn’t asked his permission she’d wrinkled her nose and reminded him that it wasn’t the 19th century. Jaskier had looked to you for support but again was left on his own as you gave him a look.

“Nic is a good kid,” you told him later, “They’ve known each other forever. Yennefer is friends with his mom. There couldn’t be a better first boyfriend for her.”

But Jaskier wasn’t convinced and finally he got the support he was looking for when he told the guys about the date.

“He’s making his move,” Valdo said, leaning against the pool table he’d been practicing on like some sort of mafioso. Geralt’s brows furrowed and he clutched his tumbler of scotch a bit tighter.

“I like Nic, don’t get me wrong. I trust Sam and I trust him as two separate individuals but put them together and it just feels….” Jaskier trailed off, trying to find a word to describe his roiling emotions.

“Off,” Valdo finished for him, “As well it should be. We’ve all been young kids before. Some of us are still old in fact.”

He preened as Geralt and Jaskier rolled their eyes.

“She’s your daughter too so we have to be careful of that,” Valdo remarked. Jaskier’s eyes shot daggers as he pulled himself up to his full height.

“What the hell does that mean?” he demanded.

“Oh calm down we know exactly what that means. The kid is a charmer and she’s got an appetite for romance. It isn’t bad, god knows I’m not judging or shaming, but she’s still only 16 and doesn’t understand the emotional toll of being intimate,” Valdo explained. Jaskier paled. He hadn’t even considered… intimacy. He and Y/N had talked with her about sex a long time ago, emphasizing matters of consent and dispelling the virginity as purity myth. You tried to raise her with a healthy knowledge of sex but that didn’t make the idea of you engaging in it any better. When Jaskier looked at you he could still feel the weight of you in his arms, the clutch of your tiny fist around his finger.

“What do I do?” Jaskier exclaimed, feeling utterly at a loss.

“You said it’s this Friday? As in tomorrow?” Valdo asked. Jaskier nodded in agreement.

“Valdo…” Geralt said, his voice warning.

“Hey! Listen! I mean no ill will to the kids but there was a time not long ago when chaperones were a thing. I’m just wondering if perhaps it may behoove us to bring that tradition back,” Valdo said.

“I don’t know…” Jaskier said, though Geralt could see the wheels turning in his mind.

“Alright well how about this… It’s been awhile since I went to the aquarium, a very public space which people have every right to go to. And it’s been awhile since the three of us went out for a guy’s trip,” Valdo suggested. Geralt swirled the scotch in his glass and thought for a moment. He could feel Jaskier waiting for his response, gauging how he felt and trying to be patient.

“I do like the otters,” Geralt said simply.

—–

“Oh my god they’re so cute!” Sam exclaimed, watching a sleek river otter work at opening a clam. Nic watched her, his long, brown curls brushed out of his face so he could watch her face light up with delight. He’d wanted to do this for some time but he was always scared, worrying that asking out his best friend would lead to losing her. His mom had advised him to go for it, ultimately. And he was so glad. They’d had some seafood for lunch and he’d impressed her with his octopus facts. In truth he could have told her anything about any creature and she would’ve been impressed, happy to hear him speak and that his hand kept brushing against hers, as they were right now. She reached out and took his hand in hers and pointed with the other one to a fluff otter baby but Nic’s eyes were on their entwined hands, heart pounding with excitement.

“Ah bless,” Valdo sighed, watching the young couple from around a hall corner.

“She looks so happy,” Jaskier whispered, brushing a tear away.

“Hmm,” Geralt replied, but there was a mistiness in his eyes too. Ciri hadn’t begun dating yet (as far as he knew), too focused on school and her activism, but he knew the day would come before he was ready. This was a bit of a test run for him, except Sam felt just as much like a daughter as Ciri.

“Shit they’re on the move,” Valdo hissed and the three men nearly fell over themselves running out of the way. They successfully followed at a distance, each wearing an attempted disguise to not bring attention to themselves from fans or Sam, and they followed them into a circular room where fish swam around the sides and above them. Though it was a popular attraction there weren’t as many people and Sam and Nic seated themselves in the middle, staring up as beautiful varieties of fish swam around.

“You know, the Pacific Northwest has over 40 subspecies of Sculpin alone?” Nic said, his deep brown eyes finding Sam’s pale blue ones as he recited the fact.

“How do you know so much about fish? You’re a baker, not a fisherman,” Sam asked with a laugh.

“Hey, I can be both! Don’t put me in a box, Pankratz,” Nic teased, a glint in his eyes. She quirked her an eyebrow at him and pretended to tap her foot, waiting for the answer. He finally relented, dropping his gaze sheepishly.

“I, uh, may have done some googling ahead of time to try and impress you,” he admitted.

“Nic Merigold, that may be the cutest thing I have ever heard,” Sam said. Nic’s eyes met hers again and she leaned in a bit closer. He swallowed hard, eyes falling to her lips, and he moved in as well until their lips gently touched.

“That’s alright, that’s fairly painless,” Valdo said, though he whispered through gritted teeth. Geralt clutched Jaskier’s arm, both to comfort him and because he needed to wrap his fist around something, the primal protective urge he wasn’t proud of bubbling up in his chest.

Sam slid a hand into Nic’s curls and moved to deepen the kiss, tongue sliding across braces a little clumsily. They pulled apart suddenly as someone fell over by the entrance.

“Uncle Valdo?” Sam exclaimed, rising and walking over to the man who carefully righted himself. He tried to gesture subtly for someone behind him to move away but she ran up too swiftly and caught Jaskier and Geralt who were frozen mid-stride, their faces turning guilty.

“What… the… fuck?” Sam muttered, staring incredulously as Nic walked up beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. He was a shy boy but when someone he cared for was upset that became his focus and Sam was definitely upset.

“Sam!” Jaskier exclaimed, “Fancy seeing you here!”

“Don’t,” she snapped, tone and voice becoming an echo of her mother’s, “Were you spying on us?”

“Spying is a harsh word,” Valdo began but he stopped as Sam shot him a dirty side-glare that reminded him oddly of his own wife. It seemed Sam had taken a bit of all of the Vicious Mockery ladies. The way she held herself and the anger that emanated from her was all Yennefer, though she remained in command of her actions, much like her Aunt.

“Nic thank you for a wonderful day but I think I need to go,” Sam said. Nic reluctantly pulled his arm away and she gave him an apologetic look that cut through all three men’s hearts, as did the mournful look in Nic’s face as well.

“Until next time?” Nic asked. Sam turned to him and planted a brisk kiss on his lips, squeezing his hand and summoning a smile as she nodded. He smiled back and lamely waved at the three men before moving off towards the exit. Sam turned back to face the three of them and to their mutual horror there were tears in her eyes.

“Mitka, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-”

“I’m not a little kid anymore. How can any of you tell me that I’m independent and can take what I want from the world and then turn around and spy on me when I go on a date. With Nic! Nic who you all know and love! Nic who’s been by my side since I was a kid! Why would you do this to me?”

She didn’t wait for their answer, spinning to run away towards a different exit than the one Nic had gone through. Jaskier moved to go after her but Geralt stilled him with a hand on his shoulder.

“Let her go,” Geralt said. The words struck terror into Jaskier as he considered the weight of all they could mean, but he relented.

Jaskier talked with Y/N about the day, confessing his role in what had happened and after a long conversation with a lot of similar expressions as the one he’d gotten from his daughter earlier that day, the two of you waited for Sam to return. You heard the door open and close downstairs five minutes before Sam’s curfew and Jaskier sat up.

“Do you want me to go with you?” you offered. Jaskier shook his head.

“I need to make this right on my own,” he said. You nodded, giving his hand a comforting squeeze, and texted Yennefer and Aevryn to thank them for dropping her back home, knowing that they’re who she would have gone to while upset.

Jaskier found Sam sitting in the kitchen, drumming her fingers against the granite countertop of the island. She glanced up when he walked in but looked away again.

“Uncle Valdo has offered me a car if I stop being mad at him. What’s your best offer?” she asked. Jaskier swore internally and made a note to talk with Valdo – yet again – about extravagant presents, much less bribes.

“What’s the going rate on a sincere apology?” Jaskier asked. She raised a hand and gave a “so-so” gesture which was all of the encouragement he needed.

“I shouldn’t have betrayed your trust,” he began, leaning against the counter to face her though her eyes stayed on the counter, “It wasn’t right. You’re smart and responsible and vastly wiser than I ever was at your age. And I do trust Nic, he’s a good kid. It’s… hard to watch your kids grow up. And that’s not on you, that’s something I need to deal with myself, but I want you to know that I see you as the young woman you are and I’m proud of you. And I won’t butt in again. Unless you want me to.”

“I won’t,” she said, eyes rising to meet his.

“I know,” he said a little sadly. She caught the sadness and sighed.

“Daddy I know you mean well and I know it’s hard. But it’s not like that much has changed. I still need you, just in different ways. Like, I may not need you to tie my shoes but I need you to trust me. And I may not need you to fight my battles for me but I do need you to be there for me when things go wrong,” she said. Jaskier smiled softly and nodded.

“I can do that,” he said.

“Good. Also, you’re totally paying for our makeup date,” she insisted.

“That seems fair,” Jaskier agreed.

“And you’ll let Uncle Valdo buy me the car,” she said, a sly look in her eyes.

“Nice try, Mitka,” Jaskier said, crossing over to her and pulling her into a hug.

“Eh, can’t blame a girl for trying,” she muttered, wrapping her arms around his waist and returning the hug. “I love you, daddy.”

“I love you too,” he replied, murmuring into her hair and trying to blink back the tears. When she pulled back there were some in her eyes as well.

“I gotta text Uncle Geralt. He’s been sending me memes all day so he must be real upset,” Sam said, reaching for her phone again. Jaskier shook his head and went back to the room where you were waiting for an update.

[bbcmyhero]

Car

Got a little free time, so I might as well get started on this one. Into the episode with the giant continuity error, because I distinctly remember them having a car before this episode. At least I’m about...95% sure they did.

Are weetabix anything like the mini-wheats cereal? Cuz, if so, I’d honestly like to get my mitts on some. Frosted mini-wheats have the best crunch, ever. 

Also, I hate eating odd numbers of things. I maybe wouldn’t eat 20 giant wheat cracker things, but maybe...4?

Standing in the corner and howling is very #relatable. I get you, Arnie

Again with the fat jokes. Lovely. 

No need to rub in Arnie’s lack of powers by doing an equipment test right then and there. George is worst cousin. 

Still get a giggle out of that George and Ella interaction. 

“No, don’t kiss me.” 

“Thanks very much, Ella, I really appreciate that.” 

I really think if left to their own devices, George and Stanley would get along. Even if they had to bond over not liking Ella. 

Oh, the weird guy in the corner is friends with George? Not a shock. 

There it is, the part about them not having a car. But, again, I coulda sworn they had one in an earlier episode.

Yeah, just checked. Janet’s getting groceries out of a car in the pilot episode. 

Did they have to sell it? 

OMG, George, stop talking. You look like the saddest gold-digger in the world. Mooching off someone as apparently broke as Janet. 

“You make me ashamed of my sex!” 

“Ella knows you try your best, Stanley.” 

BRB, dying

Nice. Now there’s two howlers. 

Poor Janet. 

See, right there. Tyler does the same thing George does later, when he erases his own memory, while trying to remind himself not to talk about Thermoman. Like Tyler’s erasing his own memory. 

Tyler is a transgender alien. Change my mind. 

That poster of Piers is the definition of Cringe. But, also, yeah. No. The man is gorgeous, but I wouldn’t trust him to operate on anyone. No one should book a surgery with him. 

But dear sweet fluffy LORD, this is precious!

The genuine smile. The jumping into the car like an excited kid. 

The blue shirt. 

Did he need to be a smug ass? No. 

Do I enjoy seeing the precious actually happy? Yes. 

Can’t say I blame Mrs Raven. Don’t want anyone in my face with the flu, either. 

I get sick, I crumble like a jenga tower. 

“There is no Mr Right. There’s only Mr Crap, Mr Tit, and their friend, Mr Total Tosser.” 

Wisdom. 

That is a beautiful tie. 

And lookit Piers! For one brief  moment, having none to give about anyone’s opinion. 

Because he’s got a really flash car, and you haven’t. 

“You needn’t worry, Mrs Raven. Janet says most germs are afraid of catching you.” 

And Janet just...runs…

Again, howling in the corner is a totally normal reaction to having no money. 

“I could clone myself, but we’d keep on fighting over who gets ya on a Saturday night.” 

Retroactively disturbing line, considering Hilary the creeper clone. 

WTF, George? Why did your mind jump straight to the idea that Janet was suggesting eating Arnie? 

What the actual hell goes on up there on Ultron? 

Aw, Janet and Arnie celebrating together. Another case of “could have been adorable friends.” 

Except Arnie is a creep, so…

Yet again, Janet laughing at the weird alien custom. 

Which, granted, does look like camp gay “I’m a little teapot,” but still. Rude. 

Okay, I definitely see the fat Freddie Mercury resemblance. 

Doesn’t mean I have to like the joke. 

Also, frozen Janet is the stuff of nightmares. Is no one going to thaw her out? 

I’m not 100% convinced Tyler isn’t hearing actual alien words in the radio static. 

Poor thing. I know he meant “present life,” as in reincarnation, but I still think “faded memories of being Ultronian.” 

This lady’s gold blouse is awesome. 

But ew with Arnie looking through her clothes. 

I know they immediately sniffed a disaster, but that alone should still have gotten him a warning. Considering his hero test question was about sexual harassment. 

Piers has on a stupid hat. I love it. 

It makes the boring shirt more attractive. 

BUT! Dude bragging aside, bby, we all know you didn’t take any ladies for a “test drive.” Except in your own mind. 

Bless. Janet and George are so happy about his four customers, but everyone else is completely unimpressed. 

And the weirdest courting ritual in the world begins in 3

2

1

Mrs Raven gets bitchy, Arnie gets...a boner, apparently. 

Insult. Insult. Hand lick. Both parties clearly need a cigarette. 

I ship it. 

And George basically just insulted Mrs Raven by saying it was fair how she hated everyone. And she just looks pleased as punch. 

Bits of shipwreck all over the living room and helmets not in the helmet cupboard. You know your life is weird, when…

Um, no. Bad George. We don’t imply the little woman is a nag when she doesn’t want you trashing the house for her to clean up. 

At least he cleaned up without complaining. 

Oh, I love this part. 

“She’s queen of here...YOU’VE STOLEN THE CROWN JEWELS!” 

GDI, Arnie

And there went Janet’s morals completely out the window. 

YOU’VE STOLEN THE CROWN JEWELS

But I want a car

Okay, theft is staying on the dl for now

Stanley doesn’t even blink at George wearing a crown. It’s just one more weird thing George does. 

That was weirdly polite. “Oh, it’s you. You’ve come outta your corner.” 

Like, nice to meet you, weird guy. What’s up. 

Love that delayed reaction...oh. Wait. George is wearing a crown. 

Oh, of course this weirdly similar crown isn’t part of the crown jewels. 

Good thing George was so completely convinced of that, or Stanley probably wouldn’t have been. 

Tyler still in the corner counting the oats. Apparently no one finds that a bit strange. 

At least that guy behind him threw some side eye at calling George “master.” 

Also, I would dearly love it if I could find a magical alien healer to fix everything that is fubared in my stupid body. 

No more broken thyroid gland. No more kidney pain. No more stress puking. 

Sounds fake. 

Mrs Raven wanting the phone to ring, then getting annoyed when it does, is me bored outta my mind and wishing someone would text. Then resenting it. 

Janet’s face says she really believes Mrs Raven would kill all the patients and bury them in the car park. 

“Bye, baby, daddy’ll see you very soon.” 

I react to this the same way I react to bearded Hugh swinging his belt on Taskmaster. 

Incoherent whimpering and nail biting, mostly. At the calmer end. 

Jesus!

Okay, I’m cool. 

“I am always...we’ve got no patients.” 

Blue! Shirt!

It’s not nice to say sexy things while wearing a blue shirt. Sir. Not fair. 

I’m fine. 

Piers just watching Arnie and Mrs Raven’s mating ritual like...wtf am I seeing here? And then just nodding, like, yeah, that was definitely the most disturbing flirting I’ve ever seen. I’m leaving before it gets worse….

Wait…

Is George curing my patients? 

How very dare he? The nerve!

Mrs Raven’s little quick change with the stolen scarf. I think it has to be in the lost and found more than one week before you can claim it, ya know. 

Bless him, I think Piers is going to cry. And back to caring what everyone thinks, again. 

Another thing that was nice while it lasted. 

Theft cat is out of the bag. But he’s right. That is one ugly necklace. 

Even if all that stuff was just stolen and hidden in their flat that day, how did no one notice a bedroom full of corgis? They’d surely have started barking at some point. 

Rule of funny. 

George at least has more morals than Janet. 

I mean, I know a car would be useful, but I can’t believe either of them trusted Arnie in the first place. 

Howling sadly in the corner is contagious. Poor Janet. Nice going, George. Just couldn’t be a little more optimistic, could you? 

Lovely problematic cinnamon roll in a blue shirt is at the door. 

“You have all my patients, I want them back….Not that I like them, they just go with the job.” 

I love him. 

If looks could kill, I’d have murdered Janet and George ten times over by now. 

Couldn’t just take the check and get yourselves any old car. 

No. 

I mean, someone hands me 8k, I’m not gonna be a greedy prick about it. 

But, it’s the throat-clearing and the slumped shoulders that Piers has going on, while handing over his car keys. Like a little kid that just got conned out of his favorite toy. 

And the fidgety hands.

God save me from this man’s little sad hand fidgets. 

“Can we give you a lift?” 

You ever see A Fish Called Wanda? The way whenever Otto crashes his car into someone else’s he always screams “asshoooooooooole!” 

That’s me, rn. 

I mean, I laughed the first time. But that was before...the incident. The moment that changed everything. 

Also, flying the car over traffic isn’t very subtle and secret-identity. 

Douchebags. 

[royal-writer]

a little ‘what if’

no fancy title idea for this. I’m feeling the onslaught of sickness coming on, so I’m cutting this short. massively short but oh my god sleep.

Mama don’t just ‘like’ any man that steps up to win her daughter’s hand. Nah, you have to EARN her respect and blessin... what’s better than to see the genuine trust and love of two people, and knowing that someone has your kids best interests at heart, and that they can make them smile and laugh and bring joy to their life? true, real joy. that’s all mama wants for her child. Yee ;;

Hepsiba Medüza did not like him. Lord Amon saw it in the way she behaved with everyone, but himself. Where she was maternal. How she was warmhearted. Her elaborate actions to please. Yet it felt like all was different and reserved the instant she observed a glimpse upon him.

There were moments when she held to a toothy grin and a mother’s wisdom while fretting over their team all between her teases. She held much of Essätha in her actions, he came to realize swiftly. They had the same sort of joy in their faces when they were happy; where it gripped every feature on the face and exploded into frenzied gestures and boundless energy. They even had a similar laugh, and grinned with the same effort that would at times, peek out the extended length of their cuspids. So like mother, so was like daughter.

But despite their likenesses, they were equally different. Essätha sneezed loud, while her mother sounded like a squeaky door hinge. Where the young Yuan-ti was bold and impulsive; the wild of a raging storm, her mother was timid and soft-spoken like a doe. When tired, his dear heart curled up to conserve heat and her mother oppositely lounged to stretch over her sofa and twitch as she slept.

Essie craved adventure and freedom. She fought with passion, and would do so until her dying breath. Always a burning inferno whipping nearly out of control. Brilliant and hard to grasp or understand. Hepsiba was polite beyond measure, in contrast. Her battles were fought with kindness, or abandoned when she felt the purpose beyond lost. She held a mysterious tongue, but was generally revealing and open in nature.

Both Medüza women were their own unique type of lady. From the tight coils of light brunette in Hepsiba’s hair, to the loose curls and bouncy wave’s of Essie’s light black that the Briarton Lord’s fingers grew tangled in.  Their eyes told different stories of tragedy. One he he knew well; saw the summer solstice burn gold around the iris and fleck throughout a soft coppery tawny. The other a bright green; aloe leaves that were showing the wear and tear of time and age.

The illness that had at one time tried to consume Hepsiba had left a great toll as much as aging did. Her eyes appeared to have a wash of discolored fog faded faintly to them. The thick texture of her mane had, according to his Essie, had grown thin (which left Amon astonished; it appeared lethally dense as it was). Her skin looked paper thin and the appearance of veins were in some areas, dark in contrast. She grew fatigue at the simplest work; and if not for the kindly neighbor a bit down the way who visited frequently to help her out, it left Amon to wonder how the elder woman managed. Her body was a fraility, but her mind was sharp.

She had a knack for pushing through exhaustion. When Hepsiba was sure she could manage something; despite the lack of belief on any other, she did so. Her words would come out cutting in a way that was haunting when you did not heed her first words to back off. She was feisty in her independence, he’d give her that. The string of words she could put together sounded like the teachings of scholars; lengthy and astute.

Yet try as he might to connect with the slender aged woman, she did not try to connect with him. Her studious remarks were clipped. Her mannerisms respectful but distant. She would curtsy or bow, accept a kiss on her hand in the deepest level of respect with a smile. It was an echoed version of Essätha what felt like centuries ago. Disconnected and unwilling; not lining up with her eyes and disjointed.

Hepsiba squeezed her daughter with all the fond love of a mom; her every dream and affection put into her child. Dotted over her, but held herself back as she watched Essie continuously grow and make her decisions and become her own person. She was devoted and endlessly proud, as one should be to watch such a magnificent woman grow into her own. The haze-gloom over Hepsiba’s gaze could not stop the saturation of merriment when she looked to her daughter in a way that enticed a slice of envy in the soul of anyone who noticed. It was the kind of relationship every child longed to have with their parent. It held notes of the kind of connection you wanted to hold with everyone you held dear.

She treated Abernathy like an old friend within moments of meeting him. He was invited to return as often as he’d like with his husband for brunch, for lunch, and so on. They chatted of ‘younger days’ as if they’d lived them together. The laughter hardly ceased. He seemed to be the only one aside from Sulhadur she accepted help from in rare occasions.

The Dragonborn held her attention for his polite qualities. Hepsiba glorified his heroism and innocence with trusting pats. When dinner came, there was always an extra slab of meat cooked up and added to Sul’s plate so he wouldn’t have to eat so much of the grain and vegetables she steamed (which was fine with Amon, he found himself sneaking seconds like a ravenous wolf for her well seasoned cooking).

Quite the opposite, Rava got the disciplining gentle motherly hand. Sometimes Hepsiba’s words mingled in with Essie’s in a h soft reprimand that had everyone laughing. She scolded the young elfling when her curiosity had her leaping and taking without thinking of the consequence. She frequently pushed more health-optional food the young girl’s way, too. It didn’t stop Rava from grabbing something sweet or drinking a bottle of syrup when they left the private home at the far reaches of the village, but Hepsiba tried.

Aylin she held politeness to, even when he slipped Rava treats. When he inquired about her and the culture of her kind, she answered what Essätha would not or could not. The straightforward notion of his race’s harsh beliefs seemed to cause her unease and discomfort, but nevertheless, she smiled patiently through their chats.

Courteous she might be to the Drow, it was nothing compared to her admiration for Pri’cha. She adored the well-mannered cleric at first glance. When Pri offered prayer before supper, Hepsiba gladly joined her. She sung a few hymns of Pelor with the Radiant One; the parts said she could remember, anyway. It seemed to take no effort to like the humanoid insect. It was a sentiment Amon could agree with.

There was no judgment on behalf of Adela. The name of another Tiefling came up upon first greetings that made Amon wish to curl his lip, but he refrained. Solace contained none of Adela’s refined decency. They spoke over a small, unimpressive collection of the Medüza matriarch’s jewelry and trinkets, and when Adela presented her with a custom bracelet; simple but elegant, she’d been ecstatic and clung to the pale reddish-pink woman with boastful lines of flattery. They did not connect as deeply as she did some of the others, but there was no denying the friendliness.

Although startled by Penimra’s horrifying demented mouth as he ate, the old Yuan-ti woman tried to associate with the arrogant elf and understand him. When his euphemisms came out unintentionally biting, she remained polite and thanked him for his opinion. Penimra was given more notice than he was.

Amon tried not to suffocate in his desire to impress the mother of the woman he adored. No amount of honest compliments, or generous gifts, seemed to make her smile past a flat line. Hepsiba thanked him, offered him questions and concerns, and moved on to the next party member. Every now and then, he caught her sights upon him. The shadows made it hard to identify her true feelings, but they were watchful. Studying him intensely.

The next moment, she would be offering kisses to K’varr, or stroking Caesar’s head as the animals paraded around the small house. Although her eyes were no longer on them, he could still feel a tension in the air. Clenching to his aching jaws, setting in his taut pulled shoulders. Trying not to stare too hard as she cooked and cleaned, or performed smaller feats of magic. When she walked past, and he held his breath for fear even just being too loud would upset her.

What future would he have with the woman he loved, if her mother didn’t like him? Would she hold it against him? Would she tell Essie he was no good for her? Would there be a future for them at all, if he couldn’t convince Hepsiba he only wanted happiness for her daughter?

He had to know what he was doing wrong. Some way, some how, he would try and try again as much as he could, in hopes of getting her to like him. After all, it was going to be rather difficult to get her approval and blessing for her daughter’s hand, if he could even manage that.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“More tea, Abernathy?”

“No thank you, Hepsiba. I’ve had enough.”

She smiled over her shoulder, rinsing out her mug in the deep bowl filled with water in front of her. The cracked window before the counter where she often chopped vegetables was letting in a lovely breeze today. Outside, she could make out the shape of the many house visitors. Some were sitting around talking, some were goofing off, and others were packing and unpacking items from their wagon.

The firewood Amon had chopped for her the other day still had a sharp smell sitting just outside the window. It was blowing directly into the household. Hepsiba sniffed softly, setting the glass aside to air dry. Her legs ached from standing making the massive breakfast she’d worked on since before dawn to serve her hungry new children. They came and went often, since their current work was nearby. Essätha had been sure to stock the tiny cottage with enough food to fill an army, which is what it felt like she was often doing.

Try as she might, Essätha continued buying her things and stocking the house, without taking any reimbursement. That child of hers. She’d been sending bank slip notes home ever since she took flight and left the nest. Though Hepsiba scolded her for it, it was a large help. After she’d managed to make it out of that wretched city with her daughter and failing health, it had taken a long recovery process and many clerics to nurse her back to some functional state.

Work always remained hard. Raising a rambunctious girl had been tiring to the bone, but it never made her love her spirited daughter any less. She made their lives doing small jobs; sometimes picking up a seamstress service, other times actually getting hired on for a ceremonial event as a cook when people were desperate. Her body hurt as if it was much older than it was for years, and only grew worse as time went by.

She’d raised a wonderful, brilliant adult though. Essie had made it all worth it. Labor intensive or not. She’d grown up so much; much too fast in so many ways Hepsiba wished she could take back. The youth of her brave little girl, never understanding why people were so cruel to her for being different. The nurturing ways she sometimes had to look after her when too many days of hard, grueling work left her bedridden for a day or two.

Now she had Ethan down the lane, who was a perfect gentleman and helped all the neighbors. He brought her clothes from the villagers, and she would mend them up and he would return them. They exchanged meals; his kind wife Helen visited with their kids and they helped clean up and she’d offer her help where she could.

Life was simple and quiet, but it was just the way she liked it. She was left to long for the days when her little serpent would visit again, but she had wielded her own life now. An extraordinary life of grand adventures that people spoke of even among their little town. Essätha was a name among many, with her comrades that swirled around gossip and news. What a delightful surprise for her baby to visit home, and bring all these interesting and lively people with her for her to meet.

What a courageous daughter she had. She worried for her, the more the rumors spread. It made her look around as she wiped her hands dry, but there was no sign of her pretty little girl among those outside. There was no Essie at the table, either, where Abe and Adela still sat speaking softly to each other.

The front door opened, and Hepsiba looked that was expectedly. Though she did not see her daughter, the dark-haired nobleman entered cautiously. He pushed the door closed with a gloved hand; the bottom trim of fur on his cloak brushing the floor as he stepped through the house without a glance in their direction a few yards from the door. One arm was kept firmly down to his side, not swinging as was natural to people in motion.

Hepsiba moved to follow after Lord Amon; unnoticed. He disappeared behind the wall that separated the kitchen from the sitting area, and from there she spotted the wide shape of his frame move into the hall to the bedrooms.

Adela and Abernathy were still speaking to each other in a deep conversation when she shuffled quietly after the man.

It had nothing to do with a lack of trust in him moving through the home, but she was curious. Wherever that man seemed to wander, her Essie didn’t seem to be far.

She was close to the archway when she heard voices. Hesitantly, her eyes peeked around the extended wall to spy. It was her house. She tried telling herself there was nothing wrong with a bit of snooping.

It was dark. The only lighting was the natural lighting cutting through from the open doors to bedrooms with windows. In the shaped silhouette outlines, her vision began to pick up the details of two people standing nearly in the doorway of Essie’s old bedroom.

A girlish giggle escaped Essätha shyly. She pressed a self-conscious hand across to hide her face as Amon tucked the folds of a fully bloomed pink lily behind her ear. He retrieved that same hand moments later, bringing it to his face to rest his lips against the patchwork of scales. A radiant and genuine smile was broadly displayed on her daughter’s face, where it glistened up into the sunspecks of her eyes.

As they shifted, Hepsiba pulled herself out of the line of sight from the pair just as her Essie leaned in to kiss the man.

“I love you.”

Hepsiba exhaled quietly. The whispering husk of the man was hardly audible, but those words were hard to mistake for anything else.

“I love you too, m’lord.”

She’d seen what she’d needed to see. Even with the words, she’d seen enough.

There was long silence, and then a scrap of boots against the floor. That’s when Hepsiba made her move.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There was a glow about Essätha’s eyes that only seemed to shine brighter the moment he expressed his feelings. He hadn’t been able to stop the compulsion when he’d seen the blossom, at the peak of it’s life. With a steady drag of his blade to the steam, he’d nipped it free and knew just where it should be, to compliment an even more graceful beauty than even it.

Her smile was warm and enticing. It fastened him like gravity to the ground even as he felt weightless and life beneath such a longing gaze. He held upon her delicate fingers with a careful grip, pressing her fingertips to his lips next. The shape of her face she tried to hide; tucking her chin in with a shy blush and sections of curls hanging over her eyes and cheeks.

With a little tug on her hand, Essie took a step down the hall to encourage him to follow. He felt instantly pulled to the traverse of the sun as she moved; her ethereal light beckoning him.

A figure moved into the hallway suddenly, beaming brilliantly. They moved with a slowness; and stalled Amon’s advance even as Essätha’s hand slipped from his fingers.

“Ma,” the younger Yuan-ti greeted quietly, leaning in to kiss her mother’s cheek.

“Oh Essie my little viper,” the elder Yuan-ti laughed, pecking her daughter in return as she took hold of her hand in a squeeze. “Would you mind going and finishing the dishes? I’m a bit sore today, I’m sorry.”

“I can do that mom, you go sit down and rest a while, okay?”

“Yes, I think I’ll do that dear, thank you.”

The Lord of the Emerald Expanse almost dared to think to call her back. Instead he stood uncomfortably still, and watched his darling float out of sight. It left him awkwardly alone, with the adoring look of her mother staring after her.

Maybe he’d be lucky, and she would not strike at him like a furious cobra.

When she turned to him, the expression on Hepsiba’s gaze grew calculating. He stiffened considerably more under her evaluation.

He grew even more rigid as she broke into a wide grin.

“Oh, Lord Amon!” she gushed with delight. “My word, you stepped in without a single hello or good day.”

This felt an awful lot like a setup. Unsure which card to play, he moved to bow politely to the elder woman.

“I apologize, lady Medüza-”

“Oh stop with the ‘lady’ this and ‘lady’ that,” she scoffed, shambling down the hall towards him. “‘Hepsiba’ works just fine.”

Amon was numb as the woman reached for him. Linking her arm through his, he looked on with bewilderment to the fragile looking lady of the house. Her smile was full, and worked its way up into the glint playing off her eyes.

“I- uh-”

“Would you mind helping me to the couch, Lord Amon?” she inquired in a fast-paced voice of joy and excitement. “I would appreciate the help so much.”

The sudden change in demeanor made no sense. What had he done differently today? He was perplexed by her joy, which was in that state of resembling Essätha’s bubbly glee. He’d seen that look plenty, but never was it directly aimed to him.

Swallowing his confusion and his nerves, he spoke briskly but politely as he inclined his head, and reached across to carefully place a hand over the bend of her arm.

“It would be my pleasure, lady Medüza.”

“Hepsiba, please, young man,” she taunted him playfully, patting his hand.

With all the bewilderment in the world to this sudden change, Amon took full advantage in guiding her carefully around the jutted out wall in the direction of her sofa. Whatever the reason for her change of heart, he had a foot in the door, and if this was all the chance he was going to get, he was going to make the best of it.

[amberlovesanimation]

Open Me Carefully

I recently finished reading the book Open Me Carefully, which is a collection of letters, poems, and letter-poems Emily Dickinson sent to her close friend and sister-in-law, Susan Huntington Dickinson.

I decided to buy it after seeing Emily in a list of historical LGBT+ figures; although we’ll never know if their relationship was romantic or sexual in any way, it is clear from these letters that their connection was very deep on an intellectual and spiritual level.

Of course, as a bisexual female myself, I love to interpret them in a gay way, and below are some extracts that I particularly liked. (alongside my own little commentary now and then, sorry!)

(For some context, both women were born in December 1830)

“I wept a tear here, Susie - on purpose for you - because this “sweet silver moon” smiles in on me and Vinnie, and then it goes so far before it gets to you - and then you never told me if there was any moon in Baltimore - and how do I know Susie - that you see her sweet face at all? She looks like a fairy tonight, sailing around the sky in a little silver gondola with stars for gondoliers. I asked her to let me ride a little while ago - and told her I would get out when she got as far as Baltimore, but she only smiled to herself and went sailing on. I think she was quite ungenerous - but I have learned the lesson and shant ever ask her again.” - October 9, 1851

I LOVE how she describes Nyx the moon in this letter!!

“Will you let me come dear Susie - looking just as I do, my dress soiled and worn, my grand old apron, and my hair - Oh Susie, time would fail me to enumerate my appearance, yet I love you just as dearly as if I was e’er so fine, so you wont care, will you? I am so glad dear Susie - that our hearts are always clean, and always neat and lovely, so not to be ashamed. I have been hard at work this morning, and I ought to be working now - but I cannot deny myself the luxury of a minute or two with you. The dishes may wait dear Susie - and the uncleared table stand, them I have always with me, but you, I have “not always,” why Susie, Christ hath saints manie - and I have few, but thee - the angels shant have Susie - no - no no! [...] Oh my darling one, how long you wander from me, how weary I grow of waiting and looking, and calling for you; sometimes I shut my eyes, and shut my heart towards you, and try hard to forget you because you grieve me so, but you’ll never go away, Oh you never will - say, Susie, promise me again, and I will smile faintly - and take up my little cross again of sad - sad separation. How vain it seems to write, when one knows how to feel - how much more near and dear to sit beside you, talk with you, hear the tones of your voice - so hard to “deny thyself, and take up thy cross, and follow me -” give me strength, Susie, write me of hope and love, and of hearts that endured. [...] Only want to write me, only sometimes sigh that you are far from me, and that will do, Susie! Dont you think we are good and patient, to let you go so long; and dont we think you’re a darling, a real beautiful hero, to toil for people, and teach them, and leave your own dear home? [...] I must leave you now - “one little hour of Heaven,” thank who did give it me, and will he also grant me one longer and more when it shall please his love - bring Susie home, ie! Love always, and ever, and true!” - February 1852

Susan’s daughter Martha said “Her [Emily’s] devotion to those she loved was that of a knight for his lady.”

“Oh Susie, I would nestle close to your warm heart, and never hear the wind blow, or the storm beat, again. Is there any room there for me, or shall I wander away all homeless and alone? Thank you for loving me, darling, and will you “love me more if ever you come home”! it is enough, dear Susie, I know I shall be satisfied. But what can I do towards you? - dearer you cannot be, for I love you so already, that it almost breaks my heart - perhaps I can love you anew, every day of my life, every morning and evening - Oh if you will let me, how happy I shall be! [...] pretty soon I waked up saying “Precious treasure, thou art mine,” and there you were all right, my Susie, and I hardly dared to sleep lest some one steal you away. Never mind the letter, Susie; you have so much to do; just write me every weeks one line, and let it be, “Emily, I love you,” and I will be satisfied!” - February 1852

“dont you go Susie, not to their meeting, but come with me this morning to the church within our hearts, where the bells are always ringing, and the preacher whose name is Love - shall intercede there for us!” - February 1852

“And I do love to run fast - and hide away from them all; here in dear Susie’s bosom, I know is love and rest, and I never would go away, did not the big world call me, and beat me for not working. [...] When you come home, darling, I shant have your letters, shall I, but I shall have yourself, which is more - Oh more, and better, than I can even think! [...] Tis only a few days, Susie, it will soon go away, yet I say, go now, this very moment, for I need her - I must have her, Oh give her to me! [...] he [God] is very kind to let me write to you, and to give me your sweet letters, but my heart wants more.” - April 5, 1852

“I have thought of it all day, Susie, and I fear of but little else, and when I was gone to meeting it filled my mind so full, I could not find a chink to put the worthy pastor; when he said “Our Heavenly Father,” I said “Oh Darling Sue”; when he read the 100th Psalm, I kept saying your precious letter all over to myself, and Susie, when they sang - it would have made you laugh to hear one little voice, piping to the departed. I made up words and kept singing how I loved you, and you had gone, while all the rest of the choir were singing Hallelujahs. I presume nobody heard me, because I sang so small, but it was a kind of comfort to think I might put them out, singing of you. I a’nt there this afternoon, tho’, because I am here, writing a little letter to my dear Sue, and I am very happy. I think of ten weeks - Dear One, and I think of love, and you, and my heart grows full and warm, and my breath stands still. The sun does’nt shine at all, but I can feel a sunshine stealing into my soul and making it all summer, and every thorn, a rose. And I pray that such summer’s sun shine on my Absent One, and cause her bird to sing!” - Late April 1852

I joked on twitter about the gay agenda being to sing about missing your girlfriend when everyone else in church is singing hymns. Because of course they talked face-to-face whenever they were together, a lot of the letters were sent when Susan was away, so they’re filled with Emily’s pining for and missing of her. Later in this same letter she describes how she gathered flowers and an acorn and a snail shell to give to Sue once she returned which is absolutely adorable. She continues to gift her flowers throughout her life and in her poems compares both of them to flowers.

“Our last words were of you, and as we said Dear Susie, the sunshine grew so warm, and out peeped prisoned leaves, and the Robins answered Susie, and the big hills left their work, and echoed Susie, and from the smiling fields, and from the fragrant meadows came troops of fairy Susies, and asked “Is it me”? No, Little One, “Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, nor can the heart conceive” my Susie, whom I love.” - May 1852

I love how Extra™ Emily is with her romantic analogies in these early letters lmao

“And now how soon I shall have you, shall hold you in my arms; you will forgive the tears, Susie, they are so glad to come that it is not in my heart to reprove them and send them home. I dont know why it is - but there’s something in your name, now you are taken from me, which fills my heart so full, and my eye, too. It is not that the mention grieves me, no, Susie, but I think of each “sunnyside” where we have sat together, and lest there be no more, I guess is what makes the tears come. [...] we shall not be separated, neither death, nor the grave can part us, so that we only love!” - June 1852

“I have but one thought, Susie, this afternoon of June, and that of you, and I have one prayer, only; dear Susie, that is for you. [...] and when I look around me and find myself alone, I sigh for you again; little sigh, and vain sigh, which will not bring you home. I need you more and more, and the great world grows wider, and dear ones fewer and fewer, every day that you stay away - I miss my biggest heart; my own goes wandering round, and calls for Susie [...] Susie, forgive me Darling, for every word I say - my heart is full of you, none other than you in my thoughts, yet when I seek to say to you something not for the world, words fail me; If you were here, and Oh that you were, my Susie, we need not talk at all, our eyes would whisper for us, and your hand fast in mine, we would not ask for language - I try to bring you nearer, I chase the weeks away till they are quite departed, and fancy you have come, and I am on my way through the green lane to meet you, and my heart goes scampering so, that I have much ado to bring it back again, and learn it to be patient, till that dear Susie comes. [...] I add a kiss, shyly, lest there is somebody there!! Dont let them see, will you Susie?” - June 11, 1852

“And very, very often when I have waked from sleep, not quite waked, I have been sure I saw you, and your dark eye beamed on me with such a look of tenderness that I could only weep, and bless God for you. Susie, will you indeed come home next Saturday, and be my own again, and kiss me as you used to? [...] I hope for you so much, and feel so eager for you, feel that I cannot wait, feel that now I must have you - that the expectation once more to see your face again, makes me feel hot and feverish, and my heart beats so fast [...] Why, Susie, it seems to me as if my absent Lover was coming home so soon - and my heart must be so busy, making ready for him. While the minister this morning was giving an account of the Roman Catholic system, and announcing several facts which were usually startling, I was trying to make up my mind w’h of the two was prettiest to go and welcome you in, my fawn colored dress, or my blue dress.” - June 27, 1852

“And now, my absent One, I am hoping the days away, till I shall see you home -  am sewing as fast as I can, I am training the stems to my flowers, I am working with all my might, so as to pause and love you, as soon as you get home.” - February 24, 1853

“Why dont you write me, Darling? Did I in that quick letter say anything which grieved you, or made it hard for you to take your usual pen and trace affection for your bad, sad Emilie? Then Susie, you must forgive me before you sleep tonight, for I will not shut my eyes until you have kissed my cheek, and told me you would love me. [...] I dont know which it is - I only know that when you shall come back again, the Earth will seem more beautiful, and bigger than it does now, and the blue sky from the window will be all dotted with gold - though it may not be evening, or time for the stars to come.” - March 5, 1853

“Will you write to me - why hav’nt you before? I feel so tired looking for you, and still you do not come. And you love me, come soon - this is not forever, you know, this mortal life of our’s. [...] I’m loving you at home - I’m coming every hour to your chamber door. I’m thinking when awake, how sweet if you were with me, and to talk with you as I fall asleep, would be sweeter still.” - February 28, 1855

“Her breast is fit for pearls, But I was not a “Diver” - Her brow is fit for thrones But I have not a crest, Her heart is fit for home - I - a Sparrow - build there Sweet of twigs and twine My perennial nest.” - 1850s

There’s also a poem that begins “Your - Riches - taught me - poverty!” which is pretty gay too so look that up if you want (it’s too long to type on here).

“for the Woman whom I prefer, Here is Festival - When my Hands are Cut, Her fingers will be found inside - [...] Take the key to the Lily, now, and I will lock the Rose” - 1864

“You must let me go first, Sue, because I live in the Sea always and know the Road - I would have drowned twice to save you sinking, dear, If I could only have covered your Eyes so you would’nt have seen the Water” - 1860s

Then there’s a letter-poem that begins “To miss you, Sue, is power” but again it’s too long so look it up!

“I would have liked to be beautiful and tidy when you came - You will excuse me, wont you, I felt so sick. How it would please me if you would come once more, when I was palatable.” - 1870s

“Susan knows she is a Siren - and that at a word from her, Emily would forfeit Righteousness” - 1876 or later

I love how she compares Susan to a siren, whom we all know is the gayest mythological creature.

“To own a Susan of my own Is of itself a Bliss - Whatever Realm I forfeit, Lord, Continue me in this!” - late 1870s

“Sue - to be lovely as you is a touching Contest, though like the Siege of Eden, impracticable, Eden never capitulates” - 1876 or later

“Susan- I dreamed of you, last night, and send a Carnation to indorse it - Sister of Ophir - Ah Peru - Subtle the Sum That purchase you” - 1876 or later

apparently at this time Emily’s handwriting made her “Y”s look like an “S” so the “you”s in this poem look like “Sou”, or Sue :D

“That Susan lives - is a Universe which neither going nor coming could displace” - spring 1880

“It was like  a breath from Gibraltar to hear your voice again, Sue - Your impregnable syllables need no prop, to stand” - early 1880s

“With the Exception of Shakespeare, you have told me of more knowledge than any one living - To say that sincerely is strange praise” - early 1880s

Comparing her to Shakespeare!? Holy shit what a compliment !!

“Perhaps the dear, grieved Heart would open to a flower, which blesses unre- quested, and serves without a Sound.” - early October 1883

Emily sent this to Susan after her seven-year-old son had just died. I think it’s very touching how she tries to cheer her up a bit with a simple flower, as apparently Susan shut herself away for about a year after the death, so clearly words weren’t the biggest comfort to her.

“One of the sweetest Messages I ever received, was, “Mrs Dickinson sent you this Cardinal Flower, and told me to tell you she thought of you.” Except for usurping your Copyright - I should regive the Message, but each Voice is it’s own” - 1880s

“The tie between us is very fine, but a Hair never dissolves. Lovingly” - late 1885

Emily had fallen ill around this time so I think the tie being fine is because of the possibility of death, which she believed could not take away their love.

[femmesfollesnebraska]

What being a womxn means to me: Cynthia Rovero

Fiction writer Cynthia Rovero shares what being a womxn means to her:

I have found the many roles of being a versatile woman to be challenging, joyful, and confusing during my 62 years. Writing over many of these years has helped me to transition through the many changes family life offers. At this stage of life I still want some challenges, but try to be more selective as to which ones I will take on. 

Enjoy her short story:

Seekers

Another chilly night at home, watching Dancing with the Stars, a vodka gimlet in hand, and a silent phone at 34 Market Lane, Arcata, California. The trailer park had been overrun with families years ago, but now many trailers were in unsightly disrepair, including Jamine’s. She reached for a Marlboro, inhaled deeply, and took out her thick gray braids one by one. No mail had come for a week of Sundays, and the internet had been down for months too. Her brother Lamar had become more distant since his art work took off in the elitist community. Now his rare out of the blue phone calls became non-existent, leaving her nobody to confide her comings and goings with. But, what really became a bitter blow, is when her open invitation for Lamar to visit never amounted to anything.

After, putting out her cigarette, Jamine leafed through her tattered phone book to retrieve the Pastor’s name she jotted down at church last Sunday. Hesitant to give him a call, she took a big swig of her drink, then slowly dialed the local number on her faded pink princess phone.

1

“Ring, ring, ring” “Hello, this is Pastor O’Gorman, may I ask who is calling?” his cheerful voice rang out loud and clear.

“Hello this is Jamine, sorry to call you at this late hour, but I am in need of some cheering up” sobbed Jamine, while trying to hold back the barrage of tears, which welled up in her eyes.

“I am sorry you are having difficulty with today’s heavy load. Is there something I can do? I want to offer you help” Pastor O’ Gorman easily replied.

“Well, it has been a long time since I reached out to any of my relatives, for fear of causing them grief. I seem to get long stretches of silence, which cause me to want to talk with just about anybody” she continued on, while trying to catch her breath between sobs. Jamine reached for another tissue to blow her petite nose, while holding onto the receiver as if it contained her last breath.

“I see, yes silence can be alarmingly daunting on a person’s life”. “It also confuses life to have to go it alone.” He gently answered

2

“Yes, and when there is nobody to reach out to regularly, well I become dead inside” she spewed out uncontrollably.

“Yes, most certainly that can be a heartache” said the young Pastor, as he began to jot down notes relating to Jamines’ distress in his daily parishioner’s journal.

As she began to come to her senses, slowly letting the Pastors voice, calm her deflated ego, Jamine questioned. “Well, can you recommend anyone, with a need to comfort an old woman way past her prime?”

“Yes, Mam, we do have a group of young ladies, willing to take on this kind of endeavor” “It may take a bit of time, for us to set up a meeting. Nevertheless, as Saint Mary’s communicator, I can attest to making the best match for you.”  

“If you can get to our chapel tomorrow, I will be there from eleven to three, after I have given the morning sermon.” he assured.

3

“Sure, that would be nice, I will get a good night’s sleep, and see you tomorrow morning. I look forward, to meeting with you to talk over the young people available.”

After carefully hanging up the phone, Jamine finished watching her favorite show, gulped down the rest of her potent drink, brushed, and braided her long tresses, set her alarm for nine, and slowly got into her simple twin bed to rest.

In the morning, heavy equipment roared outside at eight, so she sleepily opened her eyes, to turn back the covers, and rose to make her morning cup, of strong black coffee. Getting dressed had become more of a chore, now that she was quickly approaching eighty-three.  Still able to wear a size ten, she put on her tight jeans, a light flowery blouse, and the usual amount of pink lipstick, which had a way of cheering her up. Because her feet were incredibly worn out from weekly dance classes, Jamine decided to put on her Hoka work out shoes, to make the mile bike ride to Saint Mary’s Church easier.

4

Trying to block out the loud noises of the equipment, while daintily eating her daily poached egg, on an English muffin; she noticed a stray dog wandering around her roses. Not liking to encourage strays, she loudly clanged her pots and pans, to scare the mangy stray away. Then she put on some Chopin to ease into repeating her morning mantra “I am capable, loved, and worthy of God’s love every day” five times before heading out the door.

While unlocking her rusted blue, and white Schwinn bike,  Delilah, a nosy neighbor popped her head out of the window to remark “Say Jamine, where you heading off to this early in the morning” “Dressed mighty nice too” “Think you can bring me back a pack of Marlboros?”

Annoyed, but still wanting to keep neighborly, Jamine answered “Sure thing, may not be back until this afternoon though, if you don’t mind” Jamine hurriedly answered.  

“Thanks sweet pea, I will mow your lawn for you next time it

5

gets too high” Delilah cheerily bellowed.

“Okay, in that case I will pick up two packs for you” Jamine shouted as she began to ride off at an easy pace.

Traffic was much more congested, on this delightful spring day, where daisies, gladiolas, jasmine, and forget me-not flowers were popping up everywhere. Yet, when Jamine would often stop to admire a garden, or two, on her way to town, the thought of the Priest helping her, caused her to maintain the slow pace to Saint Mary’s.

She could finally see the golden steeple of the church in the distance, when a faint smile graced her weathered face.

Upon, entering the church, she saw that most of the parishioners, had left the morning mass. Blessing herself with holy water, before kneeling, to say a few prayers, she caught sight of the time. Luckily she got her there with enough time to light some candles, for her estranged family.

Pastor O’ Gorman’s’ office was sparsely furnished with dated seventies

6

Style furniture, and a large oak desk, that he was patiently sitting behind, while reading a bible. “Hello Jamine, I am glad you made it. I was just trying to get ahead with my sermon for tonight’s service. It seems my talk this morning was somewhat lacking in humor, as several of the parishioners in the front row, were rolling their eyes, and yawning a lot” chuckled the handsome young Irish Pastor. “Well Father I always find your sermons guide me to having a wonderful connection with our Lord and Savior” Jamine easily spoke, while settling into the rose colored cushioned velvet chair, directly in front of him.

“Thank you ever, so much” he blushed, and proceeded to take out and open up a medium brown binder. “Here are some nice young ladies, you can choose from, to meet during donut time, after mass Sunday, or out to lunch at a restaurant nearby. Surely one of the young ladies, will be happy to share stories, go to lunch, get exercise, and help you in other ways too ok?” Pastor O’Gorman explained, now showing an increasing amount of concern.

7

“Thank you ever so much, the loneliness that has overcome me has been way too much for my weak heart to bear lately” “Especially with family so far away, who rarely pick up the phone to acknowledge I exist. One of these darling ladies, could really give my health a quick pick me up” she exclaimed. “Is there a special young lady you recommend I call first?” Jamine curiously inquired.

“Well, come to think of it Molly is highly thought of by some of our elder parishioners” “We have never had one complaint about her sweet demeanor” he smiled broadly, his gleaming perfect white teeth shining nicely.

“Thank you ever, so much Father, I will give her a call tomorrow morning” “I look forward to having lunch and mulling over some interesting memories, of my travels to Paris with her” “I can go on, and on, about all the lovely people I met there”

“I am sure you can, and that is exactly the kind of lunch date Molly enjoys” he calmly spoke, while walking Jamine out the

8

door.

The rest of the day Jamine went over her travel logs, old photos, and postcards; putting together a folder to share with her new young friend Molly. Even though some were tattered and torn, photos had yellowed, and postcards were bent, these cherished memories were going to bring to life a well lived journey.  She made sure to pack up her seventies French vacation memoir to offer Molly to read.” Jamine mumbled under her breath “Now my Parisian rendezvous can go down in history amongst the younger set.”

So, they met at The Big Blue Café for lunch, and sips of ice tea that was incredibly sweet. “Why Cheryl, I mean Allison or whatever your name is, Jamine stammered , paused and took a sip from her flask before continuing on. “Can you say that a Parisian rendezvous is the thing to do?”

“Well Mam if you ask me a rendezvous is always guaranteed

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 satisfaction” Molly cheerfully replied, as she looked at Jamine

quizzically and added “You can call me Molly anytime” while smiling from ear to ear.  

“Here is my collection of treasured memories to share with you” “Look over a magnificent time of my life and please read as much of my detailed memoir as you can before we meet again.” Jamine proudly offered.

“Well, sweetie if there is another drop of vodka in this flask, will you join me in celebrating the Holy Spirit today?” Jamine jokingly slurred, while trying to put some of her faded photographs back into the tattered pink folder.

“Now Mam, I try to steer clear of communing this early in the day” Molly replied apologetically.

“Surely you haven’t undergone as many surgeries as me, so I hope you don’t mind me taking one more nip before I head on home?” Jamine challenged while trying to maintain some sense

10

of dignity.

“Mam are you sure you can ride home alright?” “After all you might want to avoid falling right?” Molly conscientiously said while pulling out her iPhone to call for help. “I will just call you a senior van ride home, and you can pick up your bike tomorrow ok?” the young girl pleaded, while putting her arm gently over Jamine’s shoulder.

“Well sweetie, I don’t mind if I do” Jamine calmly replied while sitting down to ease her wobbly legs.  

“How about we meet at your place next Wednesday?” said the helper

“I will make us a batch of Margarita’s, and you can come after supper alright?” Jamine cheerfully spoke, while batting her tired eyes. “Sure Jamine just between you and me” Molly giggled.

As Molly watched Jamine ride off with the seniors, she wondered whether she should bring up any of the days

11

conversation with Father. Giving Jamine the benefit of the doubt, she decided for now to keep her word with Jamine. Molly had always been up front with acquaintances she met through Saint Mary’s outreach program, but Jamine’s likewise forwardness was a bit of a shock. Memories of her own mother

nursing a broken marriage by drowning sorrows, filled her heart with sympathy for Jamine. She felt that open communication instead of isolation is what aided her mother to come back to reality. After months of Molly phoning and visiting many times with her Mom the hard core alcoholism stopped. But, she could not forget all the heartache the disease caused with their family and friendships. Some family members vowed to not be bothered anymore as they had more important things to do than nurse old wounds. Having this under her belt, Molly felt ready to use her method of patience, kindness, and respect to pull Jamine into a healthier lifestyle.

When Jamine arrived back at the run down trailer park with

12

Marlboros in hand, Delilah was outside watering her magnificent garden. Every year of the twenty that Delilah lived across from Jamine, she planted loads of varieties of exotic flowers, like Peruvian Lilies, Towers of Jewels, and Birds of Paradise.

That was one consolation to remaining in the declining trailer park.

“Hola, Jamine did you stop by the ‘seven eleven for me honey?” Delilah said while turning around to show off her new peasant blouse, with vibrant red, yellow, and pink hand embroidered flowers. As Jamine slowly put her bike in the shed amongst the boxes, she thought about grabbing a bottle of her best tequila to share with Molly. Then, gently walked over to Delilah, to hand her two packs of smokes.

“Where did you get that charming, colorful, native blouse” she said admiringly, while smelling a gorgeous fragrant yellow rose.

13

“Thank you honey, I picked it up for next to nothing at Bang Bang Vintage shop last week” “I can help you to put away your groceries if you need help?” Delilah implored.

“No, I did not pick up any groceries, because I just went to North Coast Co-Op with the Pace helper yesterday.

 “Here are your smokes Delilah, may I cut one of these yellow roses to put by my bed?”

“Sure thing honey” Delilah said as she handed her clippers.

“That evening while watching a re-run of Dancing with the Stars, Jamine heard her phone loudly ring. She quickly turned down the televisions volume and talked into the phone “Hello, who is calling?”

“Hello Mam, this is Pastor O’Gorman.” “How did your meeting go today?” he asked inquisitively.

“I absolutely adore Miss Molly, and I am really looking forward to meeting with her again soon.” Jamine drowsily answered.

14

“Well, I would like to make an appointment, to go over in more

detail, whether this is a good match for you two okay? He offered.

“Well, that can work for me next Wednesday after my dental cleaning downtown alright?”

“Yes Mam that will be good for you to come after mass, say around 11?”

“In that case I will see you before my dental appointment” Jamine agreed.

On the evening Molly arrived at Jamines’, the modest trailer living room was decorated tastefully quaint. Jamine had put out her favorite colorful floral antique lace table cloth, arranged some daffodils in a blue ceramic vase, hung up a string of red heart lights, dusted, vacuumed, and wiped everything down to welcome her much needed newfound friend. The full margarita pitcher and glasses were ready to go. “Molly, I am thrilled you made it for my impromptu party.”

15

Jamine happily exclaimed.

“I love how you have decorated your humble home.” Molly said enthusiastically.

“Well let’s get this party started with our yummy Margarida’s sweetie.

“I must say you look adorable in that bright yellow top with matching shoes”

“I really want to say how much I adored your vividly detailed memoir of your hot and heavy rendezvous with your handsome French paramour” “To have enjoyed the pleasures of a talented artist as he, and to have been painted by him, must have been thrilling to say the least. “Do you have any of the art he did of you? Molly inquired curiously.

“Why yes I was lucky enough to bring home one of his beautiful paintings of me” “Let me show you” Jamine said as she slowly got up to retrieve the painting, hung up in the tiny hallway,

16

leading to her bedroom.

“Your elegant figure and phenomenal couture blue flowing nightie, along with the steamy expression of your magnificent face are all, so sultry.

“Well, let me tell you he was not only a magnificent artist, but he was also a passionate lover” Jamine vividly recalled as she began to blush a bright red.

Both Molly and Jamine slowly sipped their luke warm margaritas’ in silence for quite a while. Outside the scrounge dog began to howl close to Jamine’s trailer, which caused each lady to become somewhat flustered. “Well, Jamine, I am going to have to take off now” “I have to study for my upcoming psychology test if I want to make a passing grade” Molly said while placing the margarita glasses in the metal sink, and gathering up her brown leather handbag.

“I hope I did not shock you too much dear as I tend to be forthright in my dealings with people.” Jamine exclaimed.  

17

Molly reached out to hug Jamine.

“Thank you for allowing me a window into your interesting past. “

Jamine grabbed her handy pot and pan to scare the mutt away yet again. “Molly, can I phone you to make a date to take you out to Rita’s Mexican Grill for lunch soon?”

“Sure Jamine, I will have some free time next week, plus I will have your Parisian rendezvous story totally finished by then.” “That sounds perfect” “Big hugs to you dear, I wish you all the best” Jamine said while blowing kisses in Molly’s direction.

On Wednesday Jamine got up bright and early to coordinate her wardrobe outfit and apply just the right amount of make-up to highlight her light blue eyes. She found herself smiling into the faded cracked mirror as she truly wanted to impress the popular Pastor Sykes. She thought of mailing the long emotional letter she wrote after her last phone call with her brother last Christmas, but left the letter there for another day.

18

After, parking her bike next to the beautifully bloom filled church garden, and straightening out her silken yellow blouse, Jamine slowly walked up to Pastor Sykes office.

“Knock, Knock”

“Come In Jamine, please have a seat.” motioned Pastor O’Gorman “ “Thank you Pastor the ride over here was exhausting” she said with a huff as she sat down to focus on the Pastor.

“First of all I want to thoroughly thank you for helping me to meet such a lovely young lady as Molly” ”We are still in the beginnings of having any kind of lasting friendship, but her compassionate stirrings are a mark of a sweet young lady” stated Jamine while beaming with a new brighter energy than the Pastor remembered seeing before.

“You’re welcome Jamine, all the years of your membership in our church and standing in our community, swayed me into making sure you have the best of our young ladies for company.

19

“I just wouldn’t have it any other way” “Seeing your colorfully dressed attire more often in church would be even better. But, all kidding aside, I am very thrilled you are happier now”

20

-

About Cynthia: Born in San Francisco in the mid fifties to live an interesting life in this beautiful bay area. My story "Rhythms of life" was published in 2016 in the book "Untamed Dreams." Writing about people and experiences both real and fiction, has been a big part of my life for many years. I enjoy sharing my interest in writing with a wider audience with the help of the internet connections available.

~

Les Femmes Folles is a volunteer organization founded in 2011 with the mission to support and promote women in all forms, styles and levels of art from around the world with the online journal, print annuals, exhibitions and events; originally inspired by artist Wanda Ewing and her curated exhibit by the name Les Femmes Folles (Wild Women). LFF was created and is curated by Sally Deskins.  LFF Booksis a micro-feminist press that publishes 1-2 books per year by the creators of Les Femmes Folles including the award-winning Intimates & Fools (Laura Madeline Wiseman, 2014) , The Hunger of the Cheeky Sisters: Ten Tales (Laura Madeline Wiseman/Lauren Rinaldi, 2015 and Mes Predices (catalog of art/writing by Marie Peter Toltz, 2017).Other titles include Les Femmes Folles: The Women 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015 and 2016 available on blurb.com, including art, poetry and interview excerpts from women artists. A portion of the proceeds from LFF books and products benefit the University of Nebraska-Omaha’s Wanda Ewing Scholarship Fund.

Current call for collaborative art-writing: http://femmesfollesnebraska.tumblr.com/post/181376606692/lff-2019-artistpoet-collaborations

Current call: What does being a womxn mean to you? http://femmesfollesnebraska.tumblr.com/post/183697785757/what-does-being-a-womxn-today-mean-to-youyour

[amandacary-writes-blog]

“Silence” -Amanda Cary, 2017

      When I was a little girl, I had three wishes. 

      I wished to never own a wire coat hanger, such crude and despicable things made only to wrinkle my blouses and irritate me beyond measure.

      I wished for two children, one boy and one girl, who would never feel hungry or want for a single thing.

      Above all else, I wished to marry the most beautiful man who ever lived beneath God, and that he would in kind marry me back. And this man would know how to gracefully love and speak to a girl who was deaf like me. 

      In this moment, though, all I can wish is that none of those things had ever come true.

          ———————————————————————————

      ‘A splash of cream and two sugars for you. How about a blueberry muffin on the house?’

      Her hands moved gracefully when she spoke to me as if she’d been doing it for years, but I’d seen her with the customers ahead of me. She wasn’t deaf.

      'You sign?  Very kind of you.  You’re not deaf?’  

      'My older brother is deaf.  It was the first language I learned to speak.’  She crinkled her nose to top a toothy grin.  'Do sign to me next time, sweetheart, and go ahead and ask for me if I’m not at the bar. Would you like that muffin?’

      'Yes, please,’ I wasn’t sure how to reply, 'thank you very much.’

      I’d only been visiting the diner for two days.  My little Nanette had begun public school the week before, so my husband suggested I leave the house and “experience a bit of life,” in exactly those words, of course.  Grey was kind to me in that way and pushed me to feel happy with myself.  I always supposed most wives didn’t live with the sort of freedom he allowed me, so I took his suggestion.

      The place was quaint, nothing to be particularly excited about.  Black and white vinyl flooring and small wooden tables with spindly legs paired with straight backed wooden chairs.  I would have chosen curved backs for the chairs if I’d had the chance, but it wasn’t my diner, so I sat and did not contemplate interior design any longer.

      Everything appeared to be silent aside from a single white carnation standing as centerpiece atop the table, enlisting the help of a soda bottle to keep it tall, until a thin hand approached my shoulder and caused me a jump of sorts.

      Light brown eyes much like the color of raw Mexican honey raised their eyebrows and stole the chair across from me.  They smiled.  Her teeth were unusually white, but her left canine layered itself over the rest. Her mouth seemed just a bit happier in that one spot than anywhere else on the rest of her face - her nose a crinkle as she grinned. She was pleasant enough, so I smiled back.

      'Do you mind?’  She brought her own cup of coffee, black.  'It’s time for my break.  May I ask you to keep me company?  Everyone else here looks absolutely boring.'  Amused with herself, her eyes widened before giving me a quick wink as she let the tip of her tongue catch in her teeth. A tiny nose once again shriveled into her top lip. She was indignant and cute. I nodded, and her hands spoke, 'What’s your name?’

      'Marie,’ for the first time feeling insecure about my overly-common name, I winked back, 'boring, I know.’

      That first day, we spoke for only twenty minutes. Her job behind the cash register was given to her by her father, which explained my own curiosities. It wasn’t often one would see a woman in her position, even more unlikely a woman seemingly in charge.

        ———————————————————————————

      Grey was waiting at our breakfast table with Nanette, bouncing beneath red ringlets and eager for a hug when I returned from my shopping that day. They were patiently pining for the gossip of a newly free-bird mother.

      'How was it?’ He signed skillfully despite his usually clumsy fingers. He was a large and abrasive man - clunky but kind, calloused from working the dairy. 

      We met in a private school for the hearing impaired when we were both nine years old. We had what could nearly be considered an arranged marriage made by two locally prominent families who were lucky enough during the depression to keep some wealth. His mornings were spent milking, but our families made sure to leave us a substantial and comfortable existence. We wanted for nothing as a family of three, and he was a truly beautiful man.

      'Lovely! Thank you for insisting I get some air, Grey. It really has been wonderful. I hadn’t noticed how cooped up I was feeling.’ I planted my lips on his cheek then retreated - our daily peck. 

      Gathering a five-year-old bundle of curls into my arms, I squeezed Nanette until she giggled her way loose. 

      'I missed you, Momma,’ she signed with the sweet, stubby fingers of most children her age, although it had no effect on her talent in doing so. Thankfully, she could hear perfectly well. 

      'I missed you, too, punkin nose.’ That nickname always warranted a squeezed nose and a kiss on the forehead, so I gave her just that. 

      I caught Grey’s eyes as he watched us fondly, but something foreign inside of me wanted him to look away. So I changed course.

      'I almost forgot. I found this dress shirt for you, dear.’   Pulling a crisp, white-collared suit shirt from my shopping and laying it gently across the cream of the table top, I added, 'I made a friend, as well.  Her name is Lillie.  I think you would approve, darling.' 

        ———————————————————————————

      When I was fifteen, I was given fantasies.  I’ve never really known how to express that thought properly because they were not dreams I would have imagined myself.  At least, I can’t believe I would have.  Not now, not as a Christian mother and wife.

      Before the summer of '39, Miss Gering left the boarding school for a period deemed as indefinite.  I was quite fond of her, if not most fond of her when compared to the other teachers at the school.  Before she left, she visited my room, and with a playful finger placed atop pursed “shhh” lips, she handed me a perfectly cubed rose-colored box just large enough to hold one pair of shoes.  

      'These are yours, now.  Don’t let anyone know or they’ll take them away.’  She finished her sign with the same kindness she always did and left a young lady to her own mind.

      Inside the box were small, paper books much like the short detective stories I’d read many times before, and inside those books were sex, love, infidelity, murder - demons and drama beyond anything I could believe people who weren’t written into a tale have ever experienced.  I spent the entirety of that summer absorbed in a gritty human wilderness, abstract and littered with breasts and blood and passion and pain, and part of me never returned from that place.

      Grey and I made love to one another nearly every night once we were married.  He was sweet and gentle, and he touched me in every God-given place that I’d read a woman should be touched, but not even Grey could make me boil in such a way that those stories could.  I accepted as an adult that those were simply fiction, and sinful as I was to have indulged in such things, I supposed it must have been my punishment to deal more practically in sex than I’d desired.  

         ———————————————————————————

      The thing about being both deaf and also quite introverted is that you learn how to avoid people, particularly strangers who may feel the need to approach you and speak unwarranted.  

      I’d observed that the color blue was less likely to attract attention, and if I wore that as a very obsolete A-line dress coupled with flat white patent leathers, people had a tendency to look right over me without a second glance.  My wardrobe, therefore, was completely filled with blue A-lined dresses hung neatly with wooden dowel coat hangers and white patent leather flats, aside from the few straggling garments Grey had given to me as gifts, as husbands are intended to do.  

      On that day, it was robin’s egg blue with a stark white cotton collar, as I was feeling more adventurous and talkative than usual.  It didn’t seem a bad idea to put my rusty mouth to use for the sake of a healthy conversation, and I’d often reminded myself that I should have felt very blessed to have been given seven years of hearing in order to make it easier for me to do so without sign.  

      With the exception of Lillith, the diner was vacant when I arrived that morning.  The rush of the working crowd must have cleared its way through early.  Or perhaps I took longer to dress than usual.

      Regardless of the reason, Lillie was waiting patiently for me with coffee and a blueberry muffin in hand.  Three months of friendship, and she knew exactly what I preferred on Monday mornings, along with every other morning, and always greeted me with her silly crooked tooth standing front and center.  

      'How is that you haven’t yet been abducted by a ravenous, muffin-crazed, maniacally caffeinated man, Lillith?'   She pouted in retort, and turned her cheek to me as per usual, gracefully accepting my apologies in the form of a neat kiss.

      “That gig has been filled,” she spoke aloud as she set my breakfast on the bar, pointing towards the cafe’s kitchen with a thumb. 'How could you possibly forget Hal?’ She always referred to her father by his name, and she always laughed as she did - and I always imagined her laughter sounded as beautiful as it looked.

      I loved watching Lillie speak to me.  Her lips moved even more naturally than her hands, and her eyes played in unison with her mouth to a depth that I’d never noticed in anyone else.  I’d always only read lips, but I often found myself watching the fine lines around her eyes as she carried on.  She was earthy and playful and even tossed about some deviance that I found utterly charming.  She had a habit of turning her face down as she smiled up at me, as if catching herself embarrassed.  She made me feel powerful in some way that I didn’t understand, and I looked forward to this stirring in myself each and every weekday morning.

      'I see you’re dressed rather loudly today, Miss Marie.' She’d previously inquired about my solid blue wardrobe and I’d explained, so a tease was in order concerning the brightness of today’s dress choice.  I wouldn’t have expected a thing less from her.

      'I was hoping it would help me get through this place without you gabbing my face off, but I’m starting to think nothing will do the trick.  I just have to live with your incessant yapping, don’t I?’  Another pout, then a smile, then an odd pause that was very unlike her.  I’d even begun to think I might have finally hurt her feelings.

      “Would you mind helping me a little today, Marie,” she said aloud, making sure to grasp my wrist and look directly into my face, certain I didn’t miss a single twinge.  She seemed concerned, “Hal has to leave early, so I’m by myself to clean up.  Would you mind?  Please?”

      'Of course, madam.  Do you intend to pay me?'  Her sincerity was making me a bit uncomfortable.

      “I do believe I’ve fully paid you and more with free coffee and muffins, but if you insist we’re fair here, I’ll be happy to give you kitchen duty every afternoon.”  She lifted my left hand from my lap, and a kiss to my middle knuckle turned my belly backward, “thank you, Marie.  See you in a few hours.”

        ———————————————————————————

      The next three hours passed over me as a haze that I couldn’t from myself from. Not a thought of Grey or Nanette or even scripture could revive me from this burning.  

      I knew exactly what Lillith wanted just as anyone else who could have been sitting in that chair in that moment - anyone else who could have felt her would have known.  I should have run and never come back to the diner. I should have returned home to my picturesque family. The twined and invasive thoughts of doing such a terrible thing under the eyes of God - a betrayal of my sweet Grey - turned me filthy.  Horrid.  Disgusted with myself.  Hot.  Flushed. Electric. Pounding.  I could feel nothing but racing waves washing over every inch of my body.  Into my face, filling my toes.  Between my thighs. 

      I wanted her.  

      When I stepped into the diner, unable to sign, unable to smile, she was waiting for me with the empty cafe drapes drawn to full cream sheet - as closely as they could be pulled together.  Her eyes as golden as I’d ever seen them, devilish as she walked towards me to lock the door, I noticed for the first time the softness at the dip of her neck - just where it met her collar bones - and that’s where I kissed first. Every time.

        ———————————————————————————

       The shower floor was cold enough to draw me in like an abyss, covered in vomit and my own fluids, but the release left me in a warmth that I welcomed with overwhelming gratitude. Had I known just how useful a wire coat hanger could have been to me at that time, I might have been friendlier to them. A razor to the wrist is much less forgiving and infinitely more permanent.

      Grey made sure my funeral was heavenly despite knowing I would go straight to hell. Had I ever told him how I felt with Lillie, perhaps he would have understood that I had been dead since the day she left me standing alone. Had I not continued being his wife and fallen pregnant with our second child, she would have taken me with her, and he would have never been forced to find me like that, having poured myself down the drain. 

      Silence is overestimated by those who have been distracted by noise their entire lives. I have felt the ecstasy of a moan travel from a kiss to my toes, and I have seen a heart disassemble itself into pieces and disappear as it plead for reassurance I knew it would not receive from me. I have tasted the hatred on a tongue that loved me moments before she learned that I had been lying to her and would never give her what she wanted. 

      And in my silence, I was saved from the sound of my little Nanette - with her sweet red ringlets gone soggy and sickly, forced by her mother into a darkness she should have been years and years still innocent of - screaming as she watched me sobbing and naked in a world of my own, emptying the remnants of myself and of all the thoughts that I could stand to hear no longer.

~Amanda Cary

Published via TheProse.com

 ©AmandaCary2017

[swearronchanel]

Kicking off the hiatus with 5.04

A few people have requested that I continue my commentaries™ during the hiatus & after all the positive feedback, I couldn’t say no! But I expected to have an awful day & it actually went well so I thought I’d go ahead and do it now. You know since I’m going to avoid all my responsibilities anyway it might as well be for a good cause🙃

I watched a lot of shameless on Netflix today so it’s nice to watch something wholesome for a change of pace 😂

“The world was shifting on its axis in 1961, strides were being made, decisions taken, questions asked..” Vanessa’s narration is always on point like I wish I had the patience to post all her quotes 😭😂

Aw sister Mary Cynthia! I hope she’s in the Christmas special

My bby trixie looking flawless while riding a bike, goals

But who is this nun they’re having a service for lol ??

Like it’s kinda irrelevant oops,  r i p & dios te bendiga but why do we care? at least I don’t

Isn’t this girl from something? She looks so familiar

i remember saying this before .. oh yea she’s from game of thrones I think. I don’t watch it though haha

“Angel? I could get used to that!” Aw my bby is so cute like yes trix ur an angel

yikes that cough lady, I have a stuffy nose rn and I’m hoping I don’t start coughing 😭cause then I wanna be in a coma cause I hate being sick

Aw he'a so excited! He got into university👏🏼 that was legit me though 😂 I’m so irrational and literally only applied to one university (well I filled out many applications but didn’t submit any others because you gotta pay so I tried to wait and see if I got accepted to where I wanted first😂) I found out in English while on my phone instead of doing work & I screamed and just ran out the classroom 😂 I went to my guidance councilor and told everyone in the main office and then called my parents who *were nervous I wouldn’t get in* but also were literally going through security in the airport on their way to Dominican Republic .. ah, I was full of excitement and hope. Look at me now 3 semesters in &I’m over it 😂😂 it’s so stressful and mentally/emotionally draining and sometimes I’m just like how do I become a trophy wife asap?

BACK TO THE SHOW THOUGH

My bby SHELAGH! 😍 she is so precious in her suit aww, but lets be real the navy suit is the best™ one she owns. But I still like her best in uniform at the clinic though 💁🏼

she’s over here giving a talk on giving birth at home & Im just like holy shit SHE JUST HAD A BABY IN THEIR NEW HOME, I STILL CANT BELIEVE IT😭!!!!

Tom’s so excited for Ian it’s so cute and sweet

And Tom is so cute and attractive ugh, he could get it

oh damn wait Mrs Cottingham has the baby with no limbs

aw yea and she wanted a girl

I agree though little boys are gremlins 😂😂 from ages like 7-14, get them away from me 😂

Ian all hopeful for their future and then boom he’s a dad. That went from 0 to 💯 real quick

Phyllis!! & lol sister W giggling

But damn why they all acting like Sister J is too old and incapable 😂 she wants to go to St Cuthberts, let her

Sister Monica Joan upset aw😭 don’t worry sister you’re Help is needed

Pats and Deels look cute “tanning” outside

“You want to see Anita Ekberg in that fountain just as much as I do”  Lmaoo 😂😂 for real though have u ever seen La Dolce Vita? Like Anita Ekberg was too hot to handle. I wish I looked that good damn

Trixie came to thirdwheel even though she isn’t unaware she is lol

But Trixie is serving summer looks™ I love it 😍

Damn though Patsy’s legs are pretty pasty 😂😂

Trixie wondering what the hell kinda magic bra Anita had on, literally same cause I want it. Always need good quality strapless bras for summer👍🏻

Patsy inviting Trixie and Delia gave the side eye omg 😂

Here comes Babs lmao

LOL DEELS IS SALTY OMG

ugh this is when Babs first got with Tom and they were annoying lmao, I got over it though

If I was Trixie I’d be lowkey mad too like that was her ex-fiancé but I’m glad they got over it and are friends despite that 💕 cause I know petty girls that would just cut the other off

WHY DO THEY PRONOUNCED SCHEDULE LIKE THAT? And honestly How?? Like I can’t even lol it’s hard. Oops is my American showing

Sister J out here

Ohh yea this matron is a bitch lmao, vete ya

What is the correlation between going to grammar school and getting pregnant ?? @ Ian’s mom

Lol Trixie’s just like pls don’t ask me

ugh get this nurse/matron or what ever tf she is off my screen before I smack her

I swear Jenny Agutter has such a relaxing voice, like she really can calm you down & tell you all will be well & you’ll just be like “yea you right”😭

Tom is so rational and sensible because if I walked in I’d immediately start screaming and all that like “calm tf down people" 

Pats and Deels sneaking around in a convent lol it gives me anxiety always thinking “oh shit u think someone will walk in?”

LOL OKAY TOM YOU TELL YOURSELF TRIXIE IS MAD ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE

Damn Tom you just made Babs feel like a rebound™

“Who’s to say we won’t carry on” ya will be fine & get married next year chill out

So Babs is only 23, how old are the other nurses *well how old do you think*??

WHEN WILL WE SEE A NONNATUN BIRTHDAY?? *I preferably want to see Trixie or Shelagh have one* but I’d take anyone really, like these people literally celebrate every other damn holiday/event but no one has had a birthday?? Except for Jenny and Chummy but they’re both gone lol

yikes emphysema, one of my grandfathers died from that. 70 odd years of tobacco smoking 😬 he did someone love to be 85 yrs old though. Idk how, he couldn’t breathe for so long

I love Phyllis just saying again for the millionth time

Aw Trix 💔 you will be happy soon💕😭

See! She said w/o Sister J she’d be screaming! Her presence is calming

Emergency c-section aye dios

Turn up at the pub

Lol funny how the dad gave Tom orange juice bc he’s a vicar but he was drunk af the night before his wedding 😂 drunk enough to have little memory and to be hungover the next day

we’ve all been there tho I don’t judge

Is it really CtM if there’s not at least one mention of babycham a series?

c-sections are wild omg

also I’ve never been under anesthesia so I’d be scared af

LOL & also I’ve never had a kid so that’s scary too duh

“Oh God another one” ahh omg

Do you think that was a doll ??

Again this show makes everything look real af so I never know

Is the doctor here the Mr Kenely that I hate??

They really left that baby there to die like o m g

Sister J praying/blessing the baby 💔💔 my freaking heart omg

again this nurse is on my screen and I need her to go, preferably to carajoland

“may the lord bless you and keep you”!! 💔😭

the third deformed baby and they didn’t report it??

“I’m not drunk” I mean you’re sitting on the floor in the bathroom so I’d think you were too 😂

Lol remember.. *cringes* no wait lets not

Tom worked in a record shop that’s cute

damn Tom do you really think telling them to just settle is the best way to comfort him

Aw sister J needs a hug😭😢💕

and yes prayer you’re right sister MJ

Sister MJ, Sister MC & Sister J comforting each other is so pure, all the they have scenes together wash my sins away for a second

wait where tf is sister Winifred lmao, did she just scadaddle after compline? snuck out to see a heathen movie i bet  jk jk I’m sure she only sneaks to quality films

but then I say dumb shit like that ^ or even worse/more inappropriate & the sins return😂😂

There’s my bby Shelagh! And in uniform, love it. 😭😍

Whenever Shelagh goes back to work next series I hope we see more of her being a nurse cause I love it

Wild that the hospital was just not saying anything about the deformed babies

Sister J coming to the best detective in Poplar, Dr Watson aka Shelagh Turner aka secret agent Shealgh Turnova™ 😂😂 *forever one of my fave lines of hers*

Lmao Tim helping out old ladies, being a good seed & too perfect of a teen

But damn boy comb your hair!

“I haven’t boiled any urine today, nice to have a change of pace” Lol Babs😂😂

oh no she’s bleeding 😢

I’m having flashbacks to Shelagh’s threatened miscarriage like lets not go down that painful memory lane  

Sister J told Ruby it was a girl bc she knew she wanted a girl ughhh 😢

Ruby thinks it was a punishment 💔 ugh my heart & ugh again makes me think of when Shelagh thought she was being punished/greedy when they told her she couldn’t have a baby 💔

Stop the sadness I say, stop it now

“We haven’t got a fairy godmother between us” WHERE IS PHYLLIS WHEN SHE IS NEEDED?

And Poor what’s her name 💔💔

oh yea it’s Linda omg how could I forget that’s my Gram’s name

But Shelagh and Trixie are interacting!!

It’s about a patient but at least they’re speaking right .. LMAO BUT WAIT ILL NEVER BE OVER HORMONAL SHELGH YELLING AT TRIXIE ABOUT THE FAMILY PLANING CLINIC ENTRANCE

ALSO: I’LL KEEP SAYING IT TILL I DIE, ALL I WANT IS A TRIXIE & SHELAGH FRIENDSHIP! 😭😭💕💖💖 they’re my bbys and I’ve been asking nicely

shit ¡¡ @beatrix-franklin wrote a damn essay as to why we need/want it !!

PLS LET IT HAPPEN @ HEIDI & OTHER WRITERS😭💔

Shelagh’s grey cardigan is actually cute *she just doesn’t need anymore lol*

“What the poor pet really needs is a good cry, a bottle of aspirin and a hug in no particular order..but the hug is of prime importance”  you see. We could’ve have a cute scene of Trixie visiting Shelagh in the hospital & a little parallel of when she visited her in the sanatorium

or Just give me Trixie hugging Shelagh and I’ll cry of joy 😭💕

omg wait

shit I forgot Ian put his head in the oven

Angela playing on the floor !! So precious 💖

“..Don’t think they’d thank you for that Patrick, they’re both younger than me”  Lol I always laugh at that, it’s kinda cute. I like when Shelagh has funny lines , why didn’t Patrick say anything back 😂 there could’ve been cute playful banter. Even this series we could’ve heard him call her an elderly primigravida is a joking/playful banter context ..BUT at least we know now Shelagh is 36!

Yea man those bombs impacted multiple generations

“So World War II is history now is it?” I seriously love these little lines of Shelagh’s lol. Also funny how she prob sees her self as old, and she was what, like my age, when the war needed?? 18 or 19 depending on her birthday (We’d know but nonnatuns apparently don’t ever have birthdays)

Shit. Wait..I feel. Kinda strange and scary to think my future children will learn in school the events I’ve lived through so far ??

okay lets not think about that

what’s the sluice? I know he washes instruments but what exactly is the sluice? The room ? Idk

Aw Angela crying, one of the the only times we’ve heard her make a sound lol

WAIT HE COULD BE SUED FOR BREAKING THE ENGAGEMENT WHAT??

“How long have we been broken off?” “A year. To be precise a year and ten days”  I know they weren’t really a good match but aw 😭 it was nice while it lasted

Trixie Bby 💔💔 happiness is coming your way I promise

“I never know when I love you the most. But I sometimes think these are the times I love you best..”😭😭 BYE IM DEAD AGAIN & MY HEART EXPLODED AGAIN😭💔💕💕

thinking about it though, they’ve never actually said I love you properly, have they??

See Patrick’s little med school anecdote, can Shelagh share one anytime soon? About anything from her past, I’m just curious.

Was that just a piece of “in the mirror” or is it playing in my head? Honestly it happens quite often, I’ll swear I hear a song and it’s actually in my head

alright Ian so why were you marrying her? you switching it up kid

I’m calling him kid like he’s not probably older than me lmao

Phyllis in her robe I love it

Trixie serving yet another look™😍

I’m so glad Trixie gave Babs her “blessing” & became good friends. So pure, we don’t need any more women being put against each other

“Fuzzy felt apostles” WHY AM I LAUGHING AT THAT? It’s not even funny?

Now the service for a nun we never knew, filled with extra nuns we will never know or care about.

I love that the nurses are at the service lol, like they probably don’t have to be but still there for fam

& Shelagh there wearin a mantilla, so sweet😭💕

“God hugs you” aw sister MC 😭❤️

You gotta admit even if you aren’t religious this show does make you feel some type of faith

“We knew so little then, in a world that seems so filled of opening doors and bright horizons. We thought only of what was new and better because it was new and better. And it would take us to places we had never been before.” VANESSA😭 she never fails with the narration, never.

Trixie helping Babs fix her bracelet bc there’s no hard feelings and she’s happy for them aw

“..We couldn’t see what was coming or understand yet what had already come to pass, yet so much still to learn”

Oh shit that foreshadow was heavy, especially because it ends with a shot of baby cottinghams body in the box.

I don’t think I picked up on that the first time ..                                     Anyway it’s 1:15am I should go to bed I have class in the morning 😭😂

The End.🙃

[sheilasministry]

 JESUS IS GOOD BUT PATIENT WITH ME FOR NOW. HE SAYS I GET WAY TO UPSET WHEN I LOSE A BLOG BUT I CAN’T HELP IT. SO GO INTO YOUR HEART RIGHT AWAY & GOD WILL HELP YOU THE BEST HE CAN. JUST SAY; PRAISE GOD. HELP ME TO NOT GET SO MAD. SO I’M HERE BUT NOW I’M NOT SURE WHY. I’M STILL UPSET BUT GOD SAYS THE LAST BLOG WAS JUST GETTING FUN. NOW IT’S GONE AGAIN. I’M STILL WAY TO UPSET. SO FOR NOW GOD WILL JUST SAY THIS. GET INTO YOUR HEART FASTER THEN FAST & LET GOD HELP US ALL WITH OUR TEMPER OR ANGER OR WHATEVER IT IS THAT GETS US SO MAD. SO THAT’S IT FOR NOW BUT GOD SAY’S TO ME NOW. HE IS THE ONE WHO IS DOING ALL WRITING. SO I HAVE TO SAY THIS. THANKS FOR TRYING TO BE WITH ME BUT I’M SO FOCUSED ON THE TIME IT TAKES ME TO GET INTO WHATEVER IT IS YOU ARE SAYING & NOW IT’S GONE. SO I’M REALLY BUMMED. OKAY I’M HERE IN MY PLACE IN THIS PLACE OF A WHOLE LOT OF WORK. GOD SAYS IT WILL ALL BE OKAY IN THIS BLOG BUT I CAN’T GET INTO IT NOW. SO I WILL JUST SAY THIS. I WON’T BE ALL THAT HAPPY OR EXCITED TO SEE ANYONE FROM ANYWHERE IN FRONT OF ME WHEN THEY SAY OR ASK; ARE YOU WHO YOU ARE? WELL I KNOW WHO I’AM. I’M JUST OKAY WITH THIS BLOG. IT’S NOT FUN NOW BUT IT’S OKAY. SO I SAY YEAH; WHO ARE YOU & WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW AT THIS TIME OF DAY. I’M THINKING IT’S SOME PEOPLE LOST. OKAY THEY SAY WE ARE FROM WHEREVER THEY WILL BE FROM. THEY WILL SAY; WE ARE NOT WITH YOU IN GOD’S WORK. CAN YOU TELL US ABOUT HIM MORE? SO I DO. THEY SAY NOT MUCH. I SAY WHAT CAN I DO MORE FOR YOU BESIDES EXPLAIN HE IS GOD WITH GOD JEHOVAH? WELL THEY SAY I HAVE BEEN INTO THESE BLOG’S BUT IT’S NOT THAT WE AGREE WITH YOU LIKE AT ALL ABOUT US & OUR LIVES. I SAY; WELL I’M NOT HERE FOR YOU. I WRITE FOR GOD. HE IS THE ONE WHO IS GETTING THE SHAFT IN HOLLYWOOD THE MOST & AROUND THIS DEAD OLD WORLD. SO IF I CAN SAY THIS. I JUST HAD A PRAYER TIME WITH GOD. IT’S OKAY BUT I’M NOT INTO THIS BLOG AT ALL LIKE THE LAST ONE. SO IF I CAN STAY HERE IN MY LIFE WITH GOD LIKE THIS. I CAN WORK IT OUT IN MY LIFE TO. I CAN’T BE HERE MUCH LONGER BUT I CAN BE WITH GOD MORE. THAT’S HOW WE ALL GET THROUGH OUR MAD ANGER TIME WITH LIFE HERE ON THIS DUMB STUPID SINFUL PLANET. THE DEMONS KNOW OUR WEAKNESS IN OUR LIFE. SO JUST KEEP WITH GOD. I FEEL BETTER ALREADY BUT NOW I FEEL GUILTY FOR GETTING SO MAD. AND I WANT THAT BLOG BACK AGAIN. SO I’M HERE IN MY OLD DIRTY CLOTHES WITH THESE TWO PEOPLE I’M SURE ARE FROM HOLLYWOOD BUZZ TOWN. I WILL BE BACK I SAY. OH WHERE ARE YOU GOING? I’M GOING OVER HERE TO PICK UP MORE WOOD FOR THE FIRE. WANT TO HELP? WE CAN TALK MORE THEN. NO WE DON’T WANT TO LOOK LIKE YOU. SO WE’RE GOOD. OKAY WHAT IS IT YOU WANT & DON’T LIE TO ME. GOD WILL SAY IT AND I WILL SAY IT BACK TO YOU. OKAY WHAT DOES THAT MEAN.? WELL DO YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT GOD BEING JESUS OR JUST VENT YOUR ANGER AT ME WITH GOD’S BLOG’S? WELL THAT IS AN ABRUPT QUESTION FROM SOMEONE LIKE YOU. NOW THAT IS AN INTERESTING STATEMENT. WHO IS SOMEONE LIKE ME? I’VE BEEN WANTING TO KNOW THAT FOR A LONG TIME. I LOVE MY GOD JESUS AS GOD ALONE. IS THAT WHO I’AM TO YOU & YOU TO? WELL MAYBE. YOU ARE BEING AWFULLY QUIET. WHAT’S YOUR BEEF WITH ME? HEY I’M HERE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT GOD JESUS & PICKLE BALL. OH SO YOU DON’T HAVE BEEF WITH ME THEN? I DIDN’T SAY THAT. YES YOU DID. SO WHAT IS YOUR BEEF WITH ME? OKAY I’M NOT HERE TO BEEF MY BEEF WITH HER. OH YOU WANT TO BEEF YOUR BEEF LAST THEN? NO I WANT TO SAY SOME THING’S ABOUT YOU. THEN WE CAN TALK. OKAY I’M NOT SURE IF I’M GETTING THIS STRAIGHT ABOUT YOU TWO BUZZ LADIES. YOU COME ALL THE WAY OUT HERE JUST TO SAY WHAT IT IS YOU WANT TO SAY TO ME PERSONALLY BECAUSE I BELIEVE IN GOD JESUS AS GOD ALONE WITH GOD JEHOVAH. SO THAT IS AN IRRITANT TO YOU TWO & MANY AROUND THIS DEAD OLD WORLD. THAT IS BEING WITH GOD ALONE LIKE I’AM AND YOUR NOT. WELL THAT’S A GOOD THING TO SAY TO SOMEONE WHO SAYS YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON TO BE WITH. NO ONE HAS EVER SAID THAT TO ME. WHO SAID THAT TO YOU? OH WELL YOU SAY THAT ALL OF THE TIME RIGHT? WHAT BLOG SITE DO YOU READ ANYWAY? AND I DO NOT TWEET THAT EITHER. GOD SAYS IT. I WILL SAY IT FOR HIM ALONE. DOES THAT SAY ANYTHING AT ALL ABOUT ME BEING NICE OR SWEET OR REALLY REALLY GOOD WITH ME OR SOMEONE AROUND ME? I’AM NICE BUT IF I GET THROWN UNDER THE BUS LIKE I HAVE BEEN BY HOLLYWOOD BUZZ TOWN. WELL I WILL SAY IT FOR GOD. READ THE BIBLE. YOU KNOW THE ONE WE ARE SUPPOSED TO READ FOR GOD’S HELP IN THIS STINKING OLD DEAD WORLD? OKAY WE HAVE READ IT. NO YOU HAVE NOT. SO DON’T GO THERE WITH ME. GOD SAYS YOU HAVE SKIMMED IT JUST IN TIME TO BE HERE WITH ME NOW. OKAY HOW WOULD YOU KNOW THAT ANYWAY ABOUT US READING OR NOT READING THE BIBLE? AM I RIGHT IN SAYING THAT ABOUT YOU? GOD JUST TOLD ME YOU SKIMMED IT JUST BEFORE YOU GOT HERE. GREAT NOW SHE READ’S OUR MINDS. WHOA YOU ARE WAY OUT THERE FOR ME TO UNDERSTAND YOU NOW. I DON’T READ MINDS. BUT GOD DOES READ HEART’S. SO HE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN SAY WHATEVER HE SAYS TO ANYONE ABOUT SOMEONE LIKE YOU WHO SAYS WHATEVER IT IS YOU WANT TO MAKE UP ABOUT GOD & HIS WORD. OH SO WE KNOW NOTHING THEN RIGHT? YES YOU KNOW ALMOST NOTHING. THAT IS WHAT GOD IS SAYING NOW. YOU KNOW ALREADY GOD EXISTS. IT SAYS THAT IN THE BIBLE. SO IF YOU WANT TO BE HERE. WHAT IS IT YOU OR YOU WANT. I’M NOT INTO JUST BEING HERE FOR ARGUING WITH PEOPLE. I WILL SAY IT & THEN GOD WILL SAY JUST MOVE ON WITHOUT THEM BEING WITH YOU. SO NO ARGUING WITH ME ABOUT GOD OKAY? OR I WILL LEAVE & GO OVER THERE UNTIL YOU LEAVE AND GO BACK TO YOUR OWN HOME. WELL WE CAME HERE TO SAY SOME THING’S TO YOU. NOW I’M NOT SO SURE WE ARE CORRECT IN SAYING THEM NOW. WELL NOW IS GOOD. I’M ABOUT DONE HERE. SO GO FOR IT. I WILL HANDLE IT JUST FINE. THEN I WILL SAY GOD BLESS YOU. YOUR FAMILIES ARE IN MY PRAYER’S STILL AND THEN GO UP TO THAT HOUSE & CLEAN UP FOR ME LATER TONIGHT. I THINK I’M GOING TO GO SEE MY MOM TONIGHT. IT’S BETTER THEN BEING HERE WITH YOU TWO. WELL THAT’S NOT VERY NICE. WELL I TOLD YOU I DO COME OUT INTO THIS AWFUL LIFE WHEN I DON’T WANT TO BE WITH CERTAIN PEOPLE AND GOD SAYS THAT’S OKAY IF I WANT TO WALK AWAY. SOMETIMES IT’S MORE TIME AND ENERGY TO FIGHT OR ARGUE OVER NOTHING. AND I MEAN NOTHING. GOD IS GOD JESUS WITH GOD JEHOVAH AND THE HOLY SPIRIT. THEY ARE ONE GOD ALONE BUT THREE IN PRESENCE AS ONE GOD ALONE. YOU KNEW WE WERE GOING TO SHOW UP HERE DIDN’T YOU? MAYBE I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BUT GOD SAYS IT. I WILL WRITE IT ANYWAY. IF IT HAPPENS FINE. IF NOT. I DON’T CARE. GOD IS STILL GOD ALONE AND NO ONE IN HOLLYWOOD BUZZ TOWN NO MATTER HOW RICH YOU ARE OR FAMOUS OR BASICALLY STUPID IN YOUR LIFE ABOUT SAYING GOD’S NAME IN VEIN SO MANY TIMES IN ALL MOVIES NOW. THAT IT’S JUST TOO MUCH TO SAY I ENJOY THOSE MOVIES BUT I STILL WATCH THEM. I CAN’T HELP BUT LIKE SOME OF THE MATERIAL IN SOME OF THEM. BUT NOW I BUY THEM & SAY; I THINK I’M JUST GOING TO TAKE THEM BACK. I DON’T WANT TO HEAR OR SEE THE VIOLENCE OR HEAR GOD’S NAME IN VEIN SO MUCH. SO IF YOU GO INTO MY HOUSE YOU WILL SEE MOVIES BUT I DON’T WATCH THEM MUCH ANYMORE. SO YOU WATCH THEM AND THEN JUDGE US FOR BEING IN THEM TO HELP YOU HAVE SOME ENTERTAINMENT FOR YOU OR WHOEVER YOU WATCH THEM WITH? NO GOD DOES ALL JUDGING. I JUST COMPLAIN ABOUT THEM AND THEN GOD SAYS IT THE BEST FOR ME. OH SO NOW IT’S HIM BUT YOU. YEAH I CAN’T EXPLAIN IT TO YOU. YOU DON’T KNOW GOD WELL ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND ANYTHING NOW. SO GO INTO YOUR HEART & STAY AS FAR AWAY FROM YOUR LIFE AS POSSIBLE. THAT’S WHAT I’M TRYING TO DO. BUT WITH PEOPLE LIKE YOU SAYING GOD MAYBE MIGHT EXIST BUT MOST LIKELY NOT. WELL I CAN’T STAY INSIDE TOO MUCH LONGER. IT MAKES ME ANGRY JUST TO THINK THAT PEOPLE SAY WHAT THEY WANT ABOUT GOD ALL OF THEIR TIME HERE AND THEN SAY; OH NO, GOD JUST SAID SOMETHING ABOUT ME ON HIS BLOG SITE. YOU OUGHT TO TRY BEING WITH HIM ONE ON ONE. THAT’S A SCARY THOUGHT FOR MOST PEOPLE BUT GOD SAID TO ME; GO FOR IT. I WILL BE WITH YOU ALL THE WAY UNTIL THE END OF TIME. OKAY SO GO FOR IT BUT NOT ME OR HER? DID I JUST SAY THAT IN THOSE WORDS? CAN YOU UNDERSTAND ENGLISH? THAT’S ALL I’M SPEAKING IN YOU KNOW. OH SO NOW WE CAN’T BE HERE WITH YOU BECAUSE YOUR MOM IS SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THEN WE ARE? JUST LISTEN TO THAT DUMB QUESTION AND DECIDE FOR YOURSELF OKAY? WELL YOU DO HAVE SOME GOOD ANSWERS TO SAY. GOD’S ANSWERS ARE THE BEST AND THEY ARE ALL PERFECT EVERY SINGLE TIME. IF I’M NOT IN MY HEART EXACTLY. HE SAYS HE’S BLESSING ME AND ALL WHO SAY HIS NAME IS GOD ALONE. EVER HEAR GOD SAY THAT DIRECTLY TO YOU FROM HIM THROUGH THE HOLY SPIRIT OR MORE THEN LIKELY NOT HUH? OKAY WE CAN LEAVE NOW. NICE MEETING WHO YOU REALLY ARE. WELL NICE MEETING YOU TO. GEE, MAYBE WE CAN BE FRIEND’S IN HEAVEN. THEN GOD WILL SAY; COME ON LET’S HAVE SOME FUN NOW THAT PEOPLE ARE FINALLY GETTING WHAT I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO TEACH THEM FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE HOLY SPIRIT’S TIME HERE ON EARTH. OKAY GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ONE. I DON’T WANT YOU IN HEAVEN AROUND ME. DON’T WORRY ABOUT THAT. I HAVE GOD AS MY BEST FRIEND AND MANY AROUND ME WHO SAY WHAT IT IS I’M SAYING NOW. THEY ARE HOPING I WILL GO TO HOLLYWOOD BUZZ TOWN. THEY SAY IT’S SO BAD THERE NOW THAT THEIR KID’S CAN’T EVEN HEAR WORD’S FROM ANY MOVIE THEY PUT OUT THAT IT’S NOT SOME SEXUAL CONTENT OR CUSS WORD. I DO NOTICE MANY HOLLYWOOD PEOPLE DON’T LET THEIR OWN KID’S WATCH MUCH TV OR WATCH TOO MANY MOVIES. KIND OF FEEL THE SAME WAY WE ALL DO HERE OUT IN THIS OLD DEAD WORLD WE NOW CALL A TEMPORARY HOME. NOTICE I SAID A TEMPORARY HOME? OKAY BYE AND GOOD LUCK. BYE FROM ME TO YOU. HOPE YOU HAVE A SAFE TRIP BACK. I WILL PRAY FOR YOUR SAFE RETURN. YOU ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT THAT? WELL I DO. DID I JUST SAY THAT TO YOU OR NOT? WELL WE MEANT NO HARM TO YOU EITHER. OKAY THEN WE ARE GOOD TO ALL GO HOME TO HEAVEN AT GOD’S TIME FOR EACH OF US. OKAY CAN WE STAY A LITTLE LONGER? WHY? I HAVE TO GO SOME PLACE TO BE WITH GOD. THIS IS NOT WHAT I EXPECTED, REALLY. OH WE THOUGHT YOU BELIEVED IT WAS TIME WE CAME OUT. WELL HOW WOULD I KNOW FOR SURE ABOUT ANYTHING IN TIME FOR ME. GOD SAYS IT’S ALL FOR HIM IN HIS WAY OF JUST LETTING THING’S HAPPEN FOR ALL AROUND ME NOW. SO IF I CAN SAY THIS. NO ONE CAN BE EXPECTING TOO MUCH BUT IF GOD IS WITH YOU AND HE SAY’S IT CAN HAPPEN. WELL THEN EXPECT IT TO PROBABLY HAPPEN. SO THEY DO LEAVE TO MY RELIEF BUT THEN RETURN LATER THAT NIGHT. SO I WON’T BE ABLE TO SAY BYE TO THEM NOW. THEY KEEP SAYING GOD IS WITH THEM TO. I JUST SAY EVERY TIME, GOOD FOR YOU. OKAY I WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT IS YOU WANT. I CAN FOLLOW YOU HOME IF YOU LIKE  AND BE WITH YOU AT YOUR HOUSE WHEN YOU WANT TO LIKE NOT BE WITH ME EITHER. WELL IF WE’RE HERE. WHY ARE YOU NOT EXCITED ABOUT US BEING HERE? LET’S JUST SAY I KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO BE HAPPENING. SO AT LEAST I’M BEING HONEST AND I KNOW YOU ARE TRYING TO GET EVEN. SO ANYMORE QUESTION’S BEFORE YOU TWO GO TO WHEREVER IT IS YOU GO? MAYBE SOMEONE IS TELLING YOU WHAT TO SAY OR WHAT TO DO TO RATTLE ME OR WHATEVER. LISTEN IF YOU KNOW GOD AS JESUS. WHY DON’T YOU GO TALK WITH SOME PASTOR OR SOMEONE AROUND YOU, YOU KNOW WHO SAY’S GOD IS JESUS TO? WELL WE DON’T KNOW OF ANYONE. WELL MEL KNOWS GOD JESUS. HE WROTE AND DIRECTED “THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST”. IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN “THE PASSION OF CHRIST” BUT GOD SAY’S HE BLESSED HIM MANY TIMES ANYWAY. OH SO NOW YOU TITLE MOVIES FOR GOD NOW? NO HOLLYWOOD BUZZ TOWN CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH ABOUT GOD’S HEART WITH SOMEONE LIKE ME OR MANY AROUND THIS OLD DEAD WORLD. CAN YOU TWO? OR ARE YOU JUST HERE TO SLAP ANYONE WHO SHOW’S UP IN YOUR NECK OF THE WOOD’S AND FINALLY SAY’S WHAT MANY WOULD LIKE TO SAY BUT DON’T ABOUT HOLLYWOOD BUZZ TOWN PEOPLE. AND YOU ARE TWO HOLLYWOOD BUZZ TOWN PEOPLE RIGHT? WELL YEAH BUT WE WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT GOD. GOD SAY’S YOUR HERE TO IRRITATE ME. SO GO AHEAD AND TRY. I WILL HAVE AN ANSWER FOR YOUR DUMB STUPID WAY OF SAYING THING’S AND ASKING DUMB STUPID QUESTION’S TO. OKAY IT’S NOT OKAY TO BACK INTO A CORNER FROM US. OH I NEVER EVER BACK UP. HERE I WILL COME OVER THERE CLOSE TO YOU SO I CAN MAKE SURE YOU HEAR EVERY SINGLE WORD GOD WANTS ME TO SAY TO JUST LITTLE OLD YOU. SORRY NO PUN INTENDED. OKAY FINE WE CAN HEAR YOU CLEAR ENOUGH. OH HEY DO I SEE AN EAR PHONE IN YOUR EAR? YES IT’S MY BLU TOOTH. OH I SEE, SO NO ONE IS ASKING YOU TO SAY OR TO ASK ME QUESTION’S THEN? BECAUSE IT WON’T DO YOU ANY GOOD TO HAVE HELP LIKE PEOPLE THINK I DO WITH GOD’S TWEET’S OR BLOG’S. THAT’S JUST HOW IT IS WITH PEOPLE. WITHOUT GOD’S HELP INSTEAD OF ASKING HIM. WHAT DO WE DO? NOT ME NOW BUT I USED TO. I SOON FOUND OUT SO MANY PEOPLE DIDN’T HAVE ANSWER’S TO MY MANY QUESTION’S. SO I STARTED, YEAH I ACTUALLY STARTED TO PRAY. AND WOW I FOUND OUT I COULD REALLY BE WITH GOD AND IT WAS OKAY TO HEAR HIM GIVE ME TEACHING BECAUSE NO ONE HAS TAUGHT WHAT GOD JESUS HAS TAUGHT SOME TO DO. I JUST TOOK GOD’S HEART AND LEFT HEAVEN BEHIND ME AND THEN I SAID. NO I WON’T DO THAT AGAIN. NOW I JUST AM WITH GOD ALONE IN MY LIFE. HE’S MUCH MORE FUN THEN ANYONE FROM ANY PLACE I CAN EVER THINK OF. MY FAMILY OF COURSE AND CLOSE FRIEND’S WHO SAY GOD IS GOD ALONE JESUS. SOME DON’T BUT THEIR ON MY PRAYER LIST AND THEIR STILL MY REALLY GOOD FRIEND’S ANYWAY. OKAY HERE IT IS WITH YOU TWO BEING HERE. IT’S NOT FUN OF ME. NOR DID I EXPECT IT TO BE BUT I CAN FORGIVE ANY SITUATION IF I KNOW YOU CAN. SO CAN YOU? SO WE CAN START FROM A BETTER PLACE OR NOT? WELL MAYBE. OKAY THAT’S FAIR. I’M NOT THE EASIEST PERSON TO GET TO KNOW BUT I’AM. IF YOU COME AT ME. I WILL COME BACK. NOT THE BEST WAY BY ME DOING THING’S BUT THAT’S WHY I’M WITH GOD MORE. I HAVE GOTTEN BETTER. I KNOW YOU DON’T KNOW THAT BUT I HAVE. SO WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE? YOU WANT MORE ABOUT GOD JESUS OR NOT? WELL WE WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOUR PLACE HERE. THIS IS IT. MY HOUSE IS UP THERE. THIS IS WHERE I SPEND MY TIME MOSTLY WITH MY FAMILY AND FRIEND’S. SO WE CAN’T SEE YOUR HOUSE THEN? THAT WOULD BE A GOOD STARTING PLACE. NO I THINK IT WON’T BE. YOU JUST WANT TO MAKE FUN OF ME. SO IS THIS WHY YOUR HEAR OR NOT? WELL OKAY THEN. WE CAN JUST BE HERE IN THIS OLD SHOP. OKAY YOU SAID THAT FUNNY. SO HERE I GO AGAIN. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? IT MEANS I’M DONE HERE. IF YOU WANT MORE OF GOD. MY HOUSE HAS NOTHING AT ALL TO DO WITH ANYTHING EXCEPT IT’S WHERE I WATCH TV AND YES MOVIES TO IF I WANT. SO WHAT IS IT YOU WANT? JUST TO IRRITATE ME OR ME IRRITATE YOU BACK OR NOT? WELL WE CAN HEAR THAT YOUR NOT IN A GOOD MOOD SO WE WILL HEAD BACK TO THE OLD HOMESTEAD AGAIN. OKAY ENJOY YOUR STAY THEN. BYE FOR NOW. OKAY WE WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT GOD JESUS. IS THAT MEL ON THAT EAR PIECE? LET ME SEE THAT THING OR I’M DONE HERE. OKAY HERE. OKAY FINE NOW LET ME KNOW WHAT IT IS YOU WANT. OH YOU THERE. HAND YOURS OVER TO OR I’M DONE. OKAY FINE WE HAVE SOMEONE ON THIS EAR PIECE. LET ME HEAR. OKAY WHO IS THIS? WELL IT’S NOT OLD MEL BOY. OH WELL I GUESS IT IS THEN. HOW ARE YOU OLD MEL BOY. WELL I’M GOOD. SO IT IS GETTING A LITTLE LATE. COME ON UP AND INTRODUCE YOURSELF OR STAY OFF LINE WITH THESE TO IF YOU ARE WHO YOU SAY YOU ARE. FINE I WILL BE RIGHT UP. WELL WHAT DO YOU KNOW IT IS YOU. I CAN’T BELIEVE IT. WELL YOU DIDN’T GIVE US THAT GREETING HOW COME? BECAUSE WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT IN THEIR APPROACH THEN MEN ARE THAT’S WHY. HOW COME YOU DIDN’T FINISH THIS PLACE? THIS IS GREAT FOR SOME FUN STUFF FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY AND FRIEND’S. YEAH I KNOW. WANT TO TAKE THE TOUR? YEAH YOU FIRST. HEY HOW COME YOU DIDN’T GO AHEAD WITH THAT MOVIE GOD PUT INTO YOUR HEART MEL ABOUT HIM WHEN HE WAS A SMALL CHILD UP UNTIL HE WENT INTO THE DESERT? WELL I DIDN’T HAVE THE SUPPORT I NEEDED FOR DOING THAT MOVIE. HEY HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT ANYWAY? OKAY I TAKE THAT BACK. I CAN TELL BY THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE. CAN I GIVE YOU A HUG? YES PLEASE, I LIKE HUG’S. OKAY HERE IT IS. IF YOU CAN WRITE ONE MOVIE WITH GOD’S HELP. GOD SAY’S YOU CAN WRITE ANOTHER ONE AND ANOTHER ONE AND ANOTHER ONE. AND IN TIME HE WILL GIVE YOU MORE TO WRITE ABOUT HIM AS GOD ALONE IN PEOPLE’S LIVES AND NOT MINE. OKAY WELL HOW THEN? WELL HOW DID YOU DO IT BEFORE? I JUST WROTE AND THE WORD’S CAME OUT EASIER THEN I THOUGHT. WELL GOD SAID NOT THAT EASY BUT HE DID HELP YOU GET IT ALL DONE. YEAH BUT WHAT A LOT OF WORK. I’VE SEEN SOME OF YOUR OTHER MOVIES YOU WROTE AND DIRECTED THAT TOOK MORE WORK THEN GOD’S DID. WELL MAYBE. GOD SAY’S YES TO THAT. HE KNOWS TIME AND ENERGY. HE SAY’S YOU CAN WRITE BETTER THEN ANYONE IN HOLLYWOOD ABOUT GOD BEING JESUS. SO WHY NOT START NOW AND GET IT DONE IN THE NEXT FEW DAY’S, WEEK’S, MONTH’S? WELL IT’S NOT THAT EASY. GOD SAY’S IT IS. WELL YOU WRITE IT THEN. I DON’T HAVE ACCESS TO THOSE WHO NEED WORK AND HOW TO DO WHAT YOU ALREADY KNOW HOW TO DO THAT’S WHY. BOY YOU HAVE AN ANSWER FOR EVERY THING I SAY OR THEM. WELL IF I DIDN’T. I WOULD SAY THIS; WHOA THAT WAS A GOOD MOVIE BUT GOD CAN HELP ME WITH ANSWERS LIKE HE CAN WITH ANYONE HERE ON THIS OLD DEAD EARTH. HOW COME YOU SAY THAT ABOUT OUR PLACE HERE? BECAUSE GOD TOLD ME NOT THAT LONG AGO THAT HE HAS ALREADY LEFT THIS OLD DEAD WORLD. NO ONE WANTS TO BE WITH HIM THE WAY HE WANTS. SO HE LEFT IT A LONG TIME AGO. I’M WITH HIM. YOUR WITH HIM. THEIR STILL THINKING ABOUT IT. SO I TELL YOU WHAT IF I SAY THIS TO YOU NOW? WILL YOU JUST SAY IT BACK TO ME OR JUST GO WITH YOUR HEART TO ME WITH MY QUESTION TO YOU ABOUT GOD’S WAY OF BEING WITH YOU IN A VERY UNIQUE WAY? YES I WILL GIVE IT MY BEST. AND REMEMBER TO SAY; THANK YOU GOD JESUS FOR ALL WORD’S FROM YOU TO HER FOR MY ANSWER BACK. I PRAY AND ASK THIS IN JESUS GOD’S NAME ALONE. AMEN   OKAY WHAT’S YOUR QUESTION TO ME THEN? CAN YOU SAY GOD IS JESUS TO WITH GOD JEHOVAH AND THE HOLY SPIRIT OR JUST SAYING HIS NAME IN VEIN IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU NOW? WELL THAT IS A QUESTION FROM YOU NOW RIGHT? NO IT IS NOT. AND THAT IS NOT THE ANSWER TRY AGAIN. OKAY REMEMBER I SAID TO PRAY FOR GOD’S WORD’S COMING FROM HIM AND NOT YOUR THOUGHT’S ALONE. OKAY HE SAY’S THIS TO ME NOW. I’M BETTER THEN THAT. GOD IS NOT JUST ANY NAME. HE IS GOD ALONE. SO IF I CAN DO THIS. I CAN DO IT ALL OF THE TIME. GOOD ANSWER FROM THE BLOG I WROTE FOR GOD’S BLOG NOT TO LONG AGO. NOW TRY IT ON YOUR OWN AND NOT MEMORIZED FROM GOD’S BLOG. I HAVEN’T READ YOUR BLOG’S MUCH. SURE YOU HAVE. JUST SAY IT FROM YOUR HEART. NO I HAVEN’T READ ANY OF YOUR BLOG’S. WELL GOD SAY’S THESE BLOG’S DO GIVE YOU GOOD AIM AT HIM TO BE WITH HIM IN LIKENESS OF HIS BLOG’S OR FOR BEING HIS CREATION. WHICH DO YOU CHOOSE MEL? WELL I GUESS I’M CHOOSING HIM. I SAID IT DIDN’T I? I DON’T KNOW IF YOU SAID IT OR MEMORIZED IT. WELL AREN’T YOUR BLOG’S PROPHECY? I DON’T KNOW MAYBE, MAYBE NOT. WELL I’M HERE. THEIR HERE. YEAH THANKS FOR THE REMINDER. WELL GEE THANKS A LOT. WE DO LIKE JESUS TO YOU KNOW. OKAY WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO GET SOMETHING TO EAT? I’M JUST GETTING REALLY HUNGRY NOW. WELL SURE WHY NOT? OKAY DON’T SAY WHO WE ARE. WELL I WON’T SAY WHO YOU ARE YET.  YOU ARE NOT AS MUCH FUN AS I HOPED BUT YOU ARE WOMEN AND WOMEN DON’T LIKE BEING CALLED OLD. I’M OLD AND I SAY IT ALL OF THE TIME. PEOPLE AROUND ME SAY IT TO. I DON’T HEAR THEM BUT I DON’T ACT IT EITHER. DO YOU TWO ACT OLD? NO WE THINK WE’RE PRETTY DARN FRISKY TO BE OUR AGE. WELL HER NOT YOU. YOUR SEVEN YEARS OLDER THEN ME. SO I KNOW YOUR OLD LIKE ME. WELL GEE AND THE HIT’S JUST KEEP ON COMING. OKAY LET’S GO THEN. OKAY ARE WE INVITED TO YOUR LITTLE PARTY DINNER. SEE THAT’S IN THE BLOG TO. WELL WHICH ONE? I HAVE TO GO BACK. IT WASN’T THAT LONG AGO THOUGH. I KEEP DELETING THEM BY ACCIDENT SO I’M BEHIND A LITTLE. OKAY LET’S GO TO... OKAY I DON’T WANT TO GO TO YOU KNOW TB. LET’S GO SOME PLACE ELSE. I KNOW OF SOME PLACES BESIDES THERE. I KNOW THAT MUST COME AS A SHOCK BUT IT’S TRUE. OKAY LET’S GO THEN. OH WAIT, I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO YOU FIRST. I’M HERE TO BE WITH GOD TO. I’M TRYING TO NOT BE MAD BUT I STILL AM. GIVE ME SOMETIME. I HAVE SOMETIME LEFT HERE RIGHT? I DON’T KNOW. I WOULD GIVE THAT TO GOD. SOMETIMES HE SAY’S NO. OH THEN YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT HARRY BEING WITH ME THEN? NO THAT WAS A PLOY FROM GOD TO GET YOU INTERESTED IN BEING WITH HIM AGAIN. WELL IT WORKED I GUESS. OH SO NO HARRY THEN? I DON’T THINK SO NO. OKAY LET’S GO I’M GETTING HUNGRY. WAIT I WANT TO KNOW WHY NO HARRY IN MY LIFE NOW? I HAVE TO MAKE YOU KNOW CHANGES TO FOR ANYTHING GOD DOES WITH ME RIGHT? I DON’T KNOW. IF I SAID ANYTHING ABOUT HARRY IT WOULD HAVE NOT INCLUDED YOU ANYWAY. I WANTED TO SEE BIG FOOT TO JUST LIKE OTHERS. THEY ARE REALLY SMART. THEY ARE NOT MONKEY’S AT ALL. THEY ARE NOT A MISSING LINK LIKE SOME PEOPLE THINK. THEY ARE JUST ANOTHER OF GOD’S CREATION LIKE WE ARE. I HOPE GOD DOESN’T HAVE TOO MANY REGRET’S FOR CREATING MANKIND. I DON’T WANT HIM TO CHANGE HIS MIND NOW THAT I’M IN REALLY GOOD WITH HIM. OKAY LET’S GO THEN. I’M GETTING HUNGRY TO. OH THAT IS IN THE BLOG TO. WHAT BLOG ARE WE TALKING ABOUT SHEILA? WELL WE ARE TALKING ABOUT GOD’S BLOG I WROTE FOR HIM NOT TO LONG AGO. WELL YOU HAVE A LOT OF BLOG’S OUT THERE NOW. SO WHICH ONE IS IT? AND HOW DO YOU KNOW WHICH BLOG IS FOR WHICH TIME WE MEET? WELL THAT’S A GOOD QUESTION BUT I DON’T HAVE AN ANSWER FOR ANYMORE QUESTION’S UNTIL I’M EATING OR MORE THEN LIKELY DONE EATING. OKAY THAT’S IT FOR NOW. I HAVE TO GET BACK HOME FOR TONIGHT. WELL THAT WAS AN INTERESTING TIME. OH WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS AND THAT. OKAY I KNOW BUT IT WAS FUN DON’T YOU THINK? YES FOR YOU. SHE IGNORED ME & HER HERE. SHE WON’T USE OUR NAMES IN THOSE BLOG’S. WELL GOD’S BLOG’S. I WONDER WHY? SHE SAID YOUR NAME THOUGH. SO ANYWAY WHAT AN INTERESTING THING TO SAY ABOUT GOD JESUS BEING WITH ALL OF US NOT THE SAME BUT HE IS WITH HER A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT THEN THE REST. THAT MEANS ALL HAVE A DIFFERENT HEART SO GOD IS WITH EVERYONE DIFFERENT. OKAY THAT MAKES SENSE. SO WHY US? WHY NOT ANYONE ELSE TO BE WITH HER MAYBE IN A WAY OF HAVING SOME FUN BUT NOT MUCH? WELL I PLAN ON LAUGHING SOME WITH ANYONE WHO SAY’S GOD IS GOD JESUS ALONE. IT’S HER HEART WITH ME. I KNOW GOD JESUS. YOU TWO ARE STILL THINKING ABOUT IT. IT SAY’S THAT IN HER BLOG. OKAY VERY FUNNY. I KNOW IT IS FUNNY JUST TO HEAR YOU TWO SAY NOT MUCH TO NOTHING. OKAY WE DID TRY. NOT MUCH. SHE JUST TALK’S WITH THOSE WHO SAY THEY ARE WITH GOD. WE ARE WITH GOD. NOT MUCH AND SHE KNOWS THAT. HOW DOES ANYONE KNOW THAT? OKAY I FORGOT TO SAY ONE MORE THING BEFORE I TAKE OFF. GOD SAID TO COME BACK IN TO SAY IT TO YOU ALONE. I’M IN MY HEART AND I’M IN MY THOUGHT’S WITH GOD JESUS AND GOD THE HOLY SPIRIT. THAT’S HOW I KNOW THING’S. IT’S NOT ME. IT’S ALL GOD TELLING ME THESE THING’S. CAN I HAVE A HUG FROM YOU NOW IF YOUR NOT TO MAD AT ME? I’M NOT MAD AND HOW DID YOU KNOW I JUST ASKED MEL THAT QUESTION? I JUST TOLD YOU. GOD SAY’S IT AND I SAY IT BACK OR I TWEET IT BACK OR I BLOG IT BACK. NEXT QUESTION BEFORE I HUG THIS YOUNG LADY NOW? OH NOW SHE SAY’S SOMETHING TO ME. WELL I HAVE SOME THING’S ABOUT YOU I WANT TO SAY TO YOU FROM GOD AND IT’S ALL GOOD. AND YOU TO. SO BYE FOR NOW. OKAY WAIT. WE WANT TO SAY SORRY FOR LETTING YOU INTO YOUR OWN PLACE WHEN WE KNEW YOU WERE NOT REALLY THERE FOR US YET. OH I’M READY FOR ANYONE ANYTIME. IT’S YOU WHO’S NOT READY FOR SOMEONE LIKE ME. SEE YA AND TAKE CARE. OKAY THAT WAS REALLY GREAT. SO BACK TO MY LIFE FOR NOW. I HAVE TO FEED MY PUP’S AND MAYBE TAKE THEM FOR A WALK. BYE FOR NOW AND GOD BLESS THIS COUNTRY. IT’S NOT WELL BUT OUR NEW PRESIDENT IS REALLY GETTING INTO HIS HEART MORE. PRAISE GOD JESUS FOR THAT. BYE FOR NOW. AND DON’T LET THAT THING RIGHT THERE GOLDIE GET INTO YOUR HAIR. IT’S NOT NICE TO SAY THOSE THING’S ABOUT PEOPLE GOLDIE. I DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING HONESTLY. I DID NOT SAY ONE SINGLE WORD. WELL YOU JUST SAID THOSE WORD’S. OKAY BYE FOR NOW.

[yungtal333]

Hello dolls.

And, welcome back to Roseconnexa!

Before we start reading this post…

We should center ourselves for the one time:

Breath in slowly and deeply,

Now exhale slowly using your mouth.

Okay, now that that’s over.. we can get right into this post. Okur!

Happy Wednesday. 

I know you love hump day just as much as I do. 

It’s the middle of the week.. which means the work week is almost ovaaa!

WOOT WOOT. 

And, I love Wednesdays because I get to promote and recognize our #INSPOBAE of the week!

This week I’m bringing you a vlogger.

She started her channel to embrace her journey of self-love and self-care. 

I have known her since my freshman year in college.

I don’t know why we clinged to each other but, I just always loved her sweet soul.

And, she’s pretty funny too. 

She’s one of those friends that has no drama and we always had a good time together.

She has really inspired me which is why I knew I had to feature this goddess on Roseconnexa.

So without further ado..

I present to you all my interview with this week’s #INSPOBAE:

Semone Allen aka @birthmarkbliss

Hey Semone,

Thank you so much for joining me today on Roseconnexa.

Can you tell our readers a little bit about yourself?

I’m Semone, a 26-year-old wine drinker with the home girl vibe. I was born with a Nevus of Ota birthmark across the right side of my face and I want to bring more awareness to it, and other types, as I continue to embrace it. 

What do you want your legacy to be? Or what is your life’s mission statement?

I want to show people how being themselves can open them to endless possibilities. For so long we as a society have been shaped to fit a mold and I just want to show people that they can truly exist beyond societies standards. When you truly walk in your purpose the blessings multiply and who’s not ready for that?!

What inspired you to start Birthmark Bliss?

This page is basically a gift to my younger self. I was so insecure growing up because of the constant stares and rude questions. Some people would walk up to me and say, “So did you get punched in the face or what?” Those questions hurt me, not only because of the sharp delivery but because the answer never seemed to satisfy them. Telling them I was born like this still didn’t register with them, they needed some wild ass story to confirm their imagination.The fact that on January 14, 1993 a Queen was born with an extra patch of melanin didn’t cut it for them. I began to hide behind make up to erase the questions. 

 A year ago I just said screw it, they’ll either love it or hate it and I don’t care either way. I made my page and the out-poor of support from family and friends was amazing. Most importantly I started to find people within my community. This whole time I thought I was alone in the world but I was receiving DMs from people in South Africa, Saudi Arabia, and all across the US who I call my birthmark twins. We just love and uplift one another and that’s been my motivation to keep the page going.

How did you become so comfortable in your skin?

Being comfortable in my skin is a continuous journey. There’s a lot of de-programming going, but my number one thing is to not compare myself to others. I recognize that I have one body so I need to cherish it and that all starts with the mind. I talk to myself with love and that flows into other areas of my life. 

What advice would you give to others who struggle with accepting their birthmark(s)?

If you have a birthmark, I want you to know that you are dope as hell. God had his hand in making you so don’t ever shrink yourself from experiencing your full potential.

What motivates you from day-to-day?

I finally felt it in my spirit that I’m operating in my purpose and that’s what makes me so happy to wake up in the morning. This page and these relationships that I’m developing have the capacity to take me farther than I’ve ever imagined. I don’t feel alone in the world anymore, so giving that feeling to someone else is my motivation. 

How do you manage keeping a balanced lifestyle?

I’m learning to leave things where they are. I leave work at work. I don’t let someone’s behavior rub off on me like a contagion of negativity. Living in the moment is key.

Who would you say is your biggest inspiration? And, why?

My sisters’ are my biggest inspiration. I’m the middle of 3 girls and both of my sisters are so unapologetic about who they are and it’s so inspiring. I’m coming out of my shell because they’ve shown me that it’s ok to do and say what’s on your mind.

What is your #1 beauty secret?

I use raw aloe on my body and I honestly don’t feel like myself without it. An aloe leaf costs less than $3 but has so many functions and has been keeping this baby face poppin!

What is the best advice that you ever received?

*Inserts clap emojis* Get rid of the timeline you have made for yourself!!! This doesn’t mean to just drop everything and go with the flow because I’m an avid believer in having direction. It’s the OBSESSION that had my anxiety at an all time high and contributed to bad decisions just to meet a fabricated deadline. Life happens and opportunity may not present itself when you want it, but it will come and you’ll know when it’s right.

Wow Semone, you are so beautiful and so brave. 

I can def. relate to your feelings towards your beauty mark. I have extra boob meat in my under arms. Growing up; I was so insecure about it. I would never wear tank tops because I was so ashamed. No one ever made fun of me but that’s because no one really knew. I always always hid it. But, today I don’t care! I’m so comfortable with them now. My under arm boob meat occasionally makes an appearance in my pictures. I play with them in front of my fiance from time to time too! I never did that ever. I love them and embarce them as a unqiue part of me. 

You said it best “being comfortable in my skin is a continuous journey.” Our bodies (espeically as women) continously change. We have to be patient with ourselves. Change what we can and accept what we can not change. Only compare yourself to the old verison of you. Like Semone said, we only have one body. You can hate yourself and suffer. Or you can love your being; including your flaws and learn to be happy. Happiness is not a desitnation- I remind you; rather happiness is a jounrey. You have to continously work towards it because as we all know life experiences will test your happiness. And, it all starts in your mind. You can let your mind run you or you can run your mind. 

Walking in your purpose is a great motivator for sure. When you understand and surrender to your purspoe; you become a different creature. It so beautiful how you opened up about your struggles. And, on top of that you made a page dedicated to it! I am so happy that you have found your purpose and passion for helping others in your own way. All while you helping yourself in the process. 

Semone, you really added so much to my life and my blog by doing this interview. Your transparency is so appreciated. I love that I have a platform to promote young ladies such as yourself. You are paving a path for so many!

We thank you!!!

  You can follow Semone on IG @semone14 and @birthmarkbliss <—–Just CLICK the links to follow her. 

Her youtube channel is BirthmarBliss <—– Just CLICK that link. Subcribe to her channel and watch some of her videos. You will LOVE. 

She is the cutest and I already told y’all that she’s funny! So, don’t miss her vlogs. 

We would like to thank all our readers for showing up and supporting us today.

We appreciate you guys so much!

If you like this post; then click here to check out Roseconnexa’s last #INSPOBAE. You don’t want to miss her! Go read and get even more inspired. 

Do you know someone who deserves to be recognized for being a bad ass lady? Well, why are you waiting? Send me her name asap!!!! You can comment down below or send me a personal message; here or on my instagram. I’m always looking for new #INSPOBAES. 

Special thanks to this week’s #INSPOBAE, Semone. This was a great interview and I thank you for being apart of Roseconnexa. You are inspiring and we are tuned in, to your journey. Continue to walk in your purspose. 

As always dolls,

If you like this post—->

Like it,

share it,

comment below

and, follow my Blog!

You Can Also Follow Me on Social Media:

Twitter: @roseconnexa

Instagram: @troiiiii_

Tumblr: @roseconnexa

Until next time….

Stay Happy, Grateful and Aware. xoxo

With love,

Troi. 

#INSPOBAE Birthmark Beauty and Youtuber Semone Allen Hello dolls. And, welcome back to Roseconnexa! Before we start reading this post... We should center ourselves for the one time:

[lindyhunt]

Khloé Kardashian’s Baby Name Might be the Most Kardashian Baby Name Yet

By the grace of Kris Jenner, 2018 has blessed us with three new Kardashian ladies to keep up with. Kim Kardashian, Kylie Jenner and Khloé Kardashian have each welcomed healthy little girls into the world, bringing the Kardashian baby count up to nine (!!!). Sadly, none of these small scions are carrying on the “K” name tradition of their famous parents. Rather, they’ve been given titles worthy of Hollywood reality royalty. As they should!

On April 16, Khloé Kardashian shared a photo on Instagram revealing her newborn baby’s moniker: “Our little girl, True Thompson, has completely stolen our hearts and we are overwhelmed with LOVE,” she captioned the post. “Such a blessing to welcome this angel into the family! Mommy and Daddy loooooove you True!”

Which Kardashian baby name is the most Kardashian of the bunch? I.e. which name is the most perfectly extra, extraordinarily regal, and relevant to pop culture? With no offence intended to any of the following offspring—we love you all!—here is our ranking of the most Kardashian Kardashian names.

Mason Disick

make me go insane

A post shared by Kourtney Kardashian (@kourtneykardash) on May 6, 2017 at 8:52pm PDT

The eldest Kardashian child was given a pretty average name. According to Baby Centre—which I can only assume is a very reputable website—Mason is currently ranked at the #5 most popular baby name. Life as a Kardashian is hard enough… maybe a name like Mason will help the little dude blend in?

Penelope Disick

I can not believe my baby girl is 5 years old today 😭 Happy Birthday my sweet angel. I feel so blessed to be her mommy every morning that I wake up next to her.

A post shared by Kourtney Kardashian (@kourtneykardash) on Jul 8, 2017 at 10:58pm PDT

Another somewhat average name from Kourtney and Scott. Penelope is simple, cute… but it’s also the name of that Christina Ricci movie about the pig faced woman.

Stormi Webster

stormiiiiiiiii🖤

A post shared by Kylie (@kyliejenner) on Mar 23, 2018 at 12:23pm PDT

Being famous and all, Kylie and Travis Scott are probably too busy to read the news. Somehow, the couple completely missed Stormy Daniels’ name in the media—who, as you know, is the porn star who reportedly had an affair with Donald Trump shortly after Melania had given birth to their son Barron. That said, Stormi is an interesting name choice, and we’re glad to see it make news headlines for more reasons than one!

Chicago West

Blessings

A post shared by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on Apr 13, 2018 at 4:23pm PDT

This name was ruthlessly mocked on Twitter, but I’m kind of a fan. The newest Kimye name has history: Kanye West is from Chicago and frequently speaks about his love for the city. Also, it’s abbreviated into a cute nickname, which is VERY important.

I LOOOOOOOOOOVE her name 😍😍😍😍 hey Chi (shy) https://t.co/Ikd0ay3DsO

— Khloé (@khloekardashian) January 19, 2018

Dream Kardashian

DAY 17 25 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS

A post shared by Kourtney Kardashian (@kourtneykardash) on Dec 18, 2017 at 12:52pm PST

Blac Chyna and Rob Kardashian’s little one is the only baby listed to carry the Kardashian surname. Sadly, Dream doesn’t start with a K… but it is appropriately original!

North West

My little princess! I love having these memories. Thank you @stevenkleinstudio for this amazing shoot

A post shared by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on Apr 2, 2018 at 8:41am PDT

It’s catchy. It’s a play on words. What more could you want?

Reign Disick

my little drummer boy … just because it’s Christmas Eve 🥁🎄

A post shared by Kourtney Kardashian (@kourtneykardash) on Dec 24, 2017 at 10:27am PST

It doesn’t get more regal than this — unless you name your child King. (*Cough* Tyga and Blac Chyna.)

Saint West

A post shared by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on Oct 27, 2017 at 11:43am PDT

A holy blessing. A sacred child.

True Thompson

My greatest dream realized! We are having a baby! I had been waiting and wondering but God had a plan all along. He knew what He was doing. I simply had to trust in Him and be patient. I still at times can't believe that our love created life! Tristan, thank you for loving me the way that you do! Thank you for treating me like a Queen! Thank you for making me feel beautiful at all stages! Tristan, most of all, Thank you for making me a MOMMY!!! You have made this experience even more magical than I could have envisioned! I will never forget how wonderful you've been to me during this time! Thank you for making me so happy my love! Thank you to everyone for the love and positive vibes! I know we've been keeping this quiet but we wanted to enjoy this between our family and close friends as long as we could privately. To enjoy our first precious moments just us ❤️ Thank you all for understanding. I am so thankful, excited, nervous, eager, overjoyed and scared all in one! But it's the best bundle of feelings I've ever felt in my life! ❤️❤️❤️

A post shared by Khloé (@khloekardashian) on Dec 20, 2017 at 2:41pm PST

Alliteration! A catchy single syllable! This is what we’ve been waiting for! And, it turns out, the name True has less to do with Tristan Thompson’s cheating scandal and more to do with Kris Jenner’s heritage. “FUN FACT… my Grandfather’s name on my Dad’s side was True Otis Houghton” Mama Jenner captioned an Instagram post. “….my Dad’s name was Robert True Houghton…so i am so excited Khloe named her daughter True!!!”

A+ job Khloé, you did us well!