#my only problem is choosing just 5 to share with yall

[lady-phenix]

Blog intro, Rules, Tags, and character profile

Welcome one and all to the Court of Ravens! My name is Ash and this my new rp blog. I'm trying to be a little better about being "professional" on here, though I wouldn't honestly call myself a pro. I've been role-playing here on Tumblr on and off since 2012 and I just like to have fun with it! That all being said I do welcome almost any and all folks from any Fandom to interact, with only few exceptions. Please continue reading below the cut to fully enjoy your stay ^.^

Rules

1. Absolutely no minors. Sorry guys, but im 30+ years old and not that I don't love yall and wish you the best, but it'd feel kinda awkward interacting with you guys. If you need help or advice though feel free to ask. I'm a person first and an adult second. Still if you're under the age of 18 please wait until you reach that age before interacting/following.

2. I don't generally do NSFW unless I know you very well (I'm demi-sexual and this kinda also applies to my characters). Also I'm not a porn source. I only NSFW if it serves the plot (I may be RPing as a demon but I generally don't participate in stuff like Sinday. More power to you if you yourself do, it's just not my thing). Also if you're below the age of 20 please don't try to do NSFW plots with me. If you have teen at the end of your age, you're kinda still a teen in my eyes. It's like that awkward gray area for me...sorry.

3. We are tolerant on this blog. I don't accept any kind of -phobia or -ism on here of any kind. Please be nice to each other and be nice to me. Don't be a dick.

4. I don't do Fandom drama on this blog. Whatever is going on with Viviziepop or who/whatever has nothing to do with me nor do I share any parties views. The opinions/thoughts expressed on here are purely mine. Don't pull me into drama or there will be problems.

5. Please be patient as I do have a life outside of this blog, and I'm about to work two jobs as well as work on a novel! I have a lot going on in my life so replies aren't always gonna be on my top priority. I also run several other blogs and have other OCs that I sometimes get more of an urge to write for. Thank you for your patience.

6. As the mun of this blog I have every right to choose who I do or don't interact with. Please don't take it personal if I don't get back to you right away. I'm probably super busy or I'm occupied with another rp for the time being. I admit I'm bad at multi-replies but I'm trying to get better.

7. Don't bring politics or social drama on here. I'm here for a good time and not to be reminded that reality sucks. Thanks!

8. I don't tolerate abuse of any kind. Mistreat me or my muse (as in like your characters whole thing is being an asshole for no reason) I will not hesitate to end the interaction and block. Me and my characters do not exist to be your punching bags. Fight scenes are fine, and insults depending on context are okay too. But being needless or senselessly cruel without reason isn't okay. Kinda goes back to just don't be a dick!

9. I LOVE shipping! I LOVE crossovers! And I LOVE OCs! All of that stuff! As it says in my description I'm Canon divergent and crossover/oc friendly. If this is a problem for folks I'm definitely not the blog for you. Please be respectful of my rp partners!

10. Seriously just have fun with it! I don't mind a little chaos, just so long as it's the fun kind. I try to be the cool mun who isn't so stingy about everything.

*as a quick side note, music is a big deal on this blog, so by all means feel free to share music yall love with me, and I may just do the same for you ;) *

Tags/taglist

This is kinda more for me than it is anyone else cause I'm terrible with tags and I'm trying to get better. These are subject to change/be updated. I'll also try to tag NSFW and triggering subjects as necessary.

tag: The Phoenix Sings- usually song/music related.

tag: thoughts of the Phoenix- usually just stuff I think Phenix would think of. These can be kinda random.

tag: matters of the court- anytime the Court of Ravens is mentioned, usually for lore purposes.

tag: matters of the goetia- any time the ars goetia or the goetia family are brought up/interacted with. Again this is usually for lore purposes.

tag: OOC- out of character, pretty self explanatory, whenever I interact out of character.

tag: open starter- any time I post an open rp starter that can be answered by anyone.

tag: rp title- I like to title rps sometimes so I'll use the title I come up with as a tag to keep better track of it. More for fun/organization purposes.

tag: Phenix interacts-tag used when interacting with specific characters. Again more for organization purposes.

tag: NSFW- pretty self explanatory

tag: TW- trigger warning: then followed by triggering thing- Done more as a courtesy than anything else.

tag: Phenix Aesthetic- Anything that goes along with Phenix's aesthetic

tag: Phenix Fashion- Things I imagine Phenix would wear. can be clothes, make up, etc.

tag: Phenix Poetry- usually poetry and/or quote related. Sometimes it's about her, other times will be specified.

tag: Phenix family- anything pertaining to her family, biological or in law.

tag: fanart- whenever I reblog fanart. Pretty self explanatory. Will also tag characters.

tag: The Phoenix Calls- used when reblogging rp memes and starters.

tag: Phenix canons- used for dropping bits of lore about phenix and her family.

About Phenix

And those are all I can think of. If I come up with anymore ill update them! ^.^

Verses and AUs

1. Canon universe- formerly trapped in an abusive marriage, Phenix spends most of her time taking care of imps and other hellborn and sinners who escaped bad situations in her family home, Raven Hall. She wishes to continue her mother's legacy with the Raven Court, and wants to eventually make it an official branch of hells government to give the so called lessers in hell a voice.

*Canon for the blog, but not the show. Though I do try to work within the shows boundaries with this.

2. Ward of the Morningstars/ ward!phenix AU- in this alternative universe, Phenix was taken in by Lucifer after her mother was killed because he felt partly responsible for what happened to Ravenna and for Phenix's fall from favor with Paimon. She sees Luci as a second, but primary, father, Charlie as her sister, and Damian Morningstar as her brother. Vaggie is her future sister in law, and the deadly sins are her aunts and uncles (though some she favors more than others).

3. Royal Guard AU- this is an AU where Striker is a captain of the guard in the House of Andras. Realizing just how bad Andras actually is, Striker and Phenix concoct a plan to free her and put an end to Andras' wicked hold on her. This features the pair Striker/Phenix in a romantic way.

4. Human AU- Phenix is a human royal from the small kingdom of Goetia who's of marriageable age.

5. Genderbent AU- Male Phenix whos escaped from a bad marriage and just wants to raise his two kids, Javier and Viviane, in peace.

6. Queen of Wrath AU- This is based on a fanfic that I'm writing in which Paimon and Satan, the king of wrath, struck up a deal many years ago and has led to Phenix becoming the deadly sin's wife. Unsure if I'll post the story itself but this will be updated if and when I do.

*please note that all of these are subject to be changed/updated*

Full name: Phenix Quezala Goetia

Gender: female

Age: 30+

Demon bird form: a giant five eyed quetzal (two on each side of her head plus one in the middle of her head) that appears to be made of various colored flames.

Ordinary demon form: (terrible at drawing so I'll give a physical description) 9 feet at the tallest. She's mostly red feathered, though she has gold feathers on her face, particularly around her eyes and prominently in her long tail feathers. Her chest is black feathered, with what looks like a light red/orange heart on her bust. Her eyes are mostly black with red-gold irises and odd lavender pupils. She has a third eye in the middle of her two regular eyes, but its usually shut so not visible to most unless they have supernaturally goof eyesight. The feathers on her head start short at the neck and shoulders and but spread elegantly down her back, as though theyre layered atop of each other. They're mostly red but are tipped in black with gold accents. Her style of dress varies on the day and who she interacts with. Despite her fiery colors she actually has a deep fondness for cooler ones like emerald green, blues of any kind, and anything purple. Will on special occasions wear her husband's colors of cream, black, and purple...rarely.

Powers: pyrokinesis, sound manipulation, imitation of any voice, knowledge of most if not all instruments.

Nicknames: Nix, Nixi, Rose Red (I highly warn against calling her this, unless you want your vocal cords pecked out)

Titles: Princess of the Goetia family, Grand Marquess in the House of Andras, and Queen of the Court of Ravens.

Blood Family: Shax (maternal grandfather), Viviane (maternal grandmother), Ravenna (mother), Marchosias (older maternal uncle), Malphus (younger maternal uncle), Paimon (father), Stolas (older half brother), Octavia (niece)

Married family/in laws: Andras (husband, a just no, JN for short), Caim (Andras' brother, a just maybe, JM), Larissa (Andras' mother, JN MiL), Aamon (Andras' father, a total Just Yes, JY FiL)

Important information: There's a lot of backstory to her, but I might reveal that in increments rather than just dumping it all here. So here are the top ten things you should know about Phenix:

She's King Paimon's oldest daughter, but not his oldest child. She's younger than Stolas by about eight years. He went through wives like Henry the 8th. Phenix is the result of his second marriage and her mother's name was Ravenna, who started the Court of Ravens under everyone's noses.

Phenix and Stolas are close, despite their mothers having been serious enemies. He's one of the few people in her life who call her Nixi. She's also 100 percent supportive of his divorce and is close to Octavia.

She got her grimoire at 11, much like her brother, and was given the purpose to act as a muse for musicians and poets throughout the world and across time. She was also betrothed to her husband Andras at this time.

She married Andras at age 20. They've been married for ten years but have no children...yet. Andras has tried to keep her content through the use of illusions. On the blog, she's mostly out of his fog, and he's the reason she hates the nickname Rose Red.

The Court of Ravens was created by her mother Ravenna when Paimon attempted to divorce her but failed. She meant for it to be a safe haven for anyone seeking refuge from a bad situation. Anyone can join the Court, no matter their station, any and all hellborn and sinners are permitted to join the Court.

Phenix has a key to the Court, which is disguised as a portrait ring of her mother. There's more of these rings that are commissioned in Lust and Gluttony. They all look slightly different but always have Ravenna's flying raven signature on them somewhere. Gates to the Court can be found in Gluttony or Lust, and they can only be gained access by the rings which are guarded by Beelzebub and Asmodeus respectively.

Phenix is technically Queen of the Raven Court, and has been since her mother passed. However, she didn't know about the Court until she herself had need of it.

Phenix is accepting to any and everyone. She despises the Goetia's way of thinking, and when she takes her place as Raven Queen, she denounces the Goetia in favor of "her" people, the outcasts and needy of Hell who come to her for protection and sanctuary.

She has seriously thought of killing her husband and taking his prized angelic sword, Exnoctum, as her own.

She does eventually want to have children, not only to succeed her as Raven Queen/King, but to pass on her so called radical beliefs about equality in hopes of eventually ending the stigma that comes with the caste system of hell.

And that's pretty much all you need to know about Phenix. If I come up with anything else or change her canon, I'll be sure to update the list. Now as I said there's a lot of lore surrounding this character and a lot of it involves her family, and especially her mother and connections to the other sins. However, I feel like those should be revealed in time. Until then, by all means feel free to interact! Phenix is super friendly towards most folks. Thank you so much for reading! I know it was a lot! <3

-Mun Ash

[yasuda-anis]

A Blessing for a Friend

One of my first released works for Anis, I wanted to give something to a friend of mine. To @writer-and-artist27​, Vy I’m glad to have met you and I love your stories. I hope we can keep being friends for a long time.

As for what I listened to while I wrote this it’s Wonderful Future or Prekasno Daleko. Just cause I really like it and the mood got me excited. May your future be bright.

The heavy smell of bread blew into Anis’ face, fogging her glasses in a few seconds. It seemed that despite all the enchantments that Medea and others had placed on them for protection and preventing them falling off, some things could just never be avoided.     Anis waited a few seconds for them to clear up, enjoying the rich scent of vanilla and almost drooling. But it was important that the last part be done right.

If she messed this up, the whole thing would lose more than half the impact. But the heat coming out of the oven was still intense enough that she hesitated reaching in, even with her gloves and apron.     “Need a hand there Master?” A cheerful voice called out behind her before a large heavy paw settled on her shoulder. It was a familiar feeling, but something she hadn’t felt for a while. 

“Thanks Tamamo,” Anis sighed as she stepped aside. “I’ve been out of the kitchen for a long time so-”     “No problem, no problem Master!” She grinned as her tail whapped her master gently. “I see you when you come to eat everyday so I do see you. But this is certainly something new.”

Back in the days of Chaldea… that was - never mind. When she had first arrived Tamamo had been there for her. Making sure she ate, making sure she had someone to talk to, and more importantly, being there for the warmth Anis had been missing. Back then, Anis would always stop by at least once a week to be with her- to talk, be pampered, spar, or just to get some motivation. It had been some time since Anis had come back to see her.     Cat had come to visit herself mainly. But that was enough of that.     “It’s a bit of a special occasion,” Anis confessed, breathing in the warmth from the tray Tamamo passed under her. “I really wanted to do something for her.”     The fresh pastry was then quickly flipped over into a small basket, the smell of vanilla a bit more muted now. Cat moved over to bring over the picnic basket and pack in plates, utensils and some drinks.     Anis put on her gloves- made out of materials she was sure a regular mage would kill her for- and reached into a small box to pull out small clay figurines. She then cut small holes into the pastry and inserted them, quickly closing up the holes with nata.     The figures had been a group effort between her, Medea, and Nito. Making them heat resistant and non toxic had been a bit trick, but according to Medea the materials were easy enough to come by.     “All ready here!” Tamamo saluted with feral glee. “Now! Quickly before that other cat burglar comes in!”     Anis had factored in anyone coming in to try and steal it. But even the best laid plans need to adapt quickly, she thought as she wrapped it up in cloth and shut it in the basket. But alas, the smell, however faint, still escaped the basket. She would have to hurry. Or else…

“I’m off then! I’ll be back later!” Aniis yelled as she started moving quickly to the door. She could run. But the chances she could trip weren’t her main concern. Gotta act natural. I have an important appointment! But too fast and they’ll catch on!

    Tamamo waved her away with a handkerchief, calling out all sorts of fun jokes at her. Anis waved back and went off the hallway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The hallways of Novum Chaldea were packed. The early days of an empty Chaldea faded in the first months, and Anis was used to wandering both in her old Chaldea and in this one like a metro station.     Staff and servants moved in their flows- the main speed being kept except for a few who were assumed to just be beyond reprimand. Anis would normally be a patient walker, her pace easily adjusted to suit whoever she was walking with. Today though she wove and dashed through the flow, trying to minimize her impact by calling out warnings to those ahead.

Excuse me! 

Pardon me! 

Sorry! 

Hi! 

Sorry, a bit busy! 

No problem, just gotta go!

Not right now thanks!

Oops! You good? I’ll make it up to you later!

Sadly though, the kids had caught her. As she expected. The child servants were always on top of any delicious snacks and treats in the base before the other two threats of Jaguar, who would demand them, and Ibaraki, who would never bother to ask and just take it.     I lost 5 minutes to negotiations, but hopefully I can still make it on time! The kids had realized quickly what the occasion was, but demanded an equal treat and participation in one of their tea parties. Apparently, Mori was hosting this one as his first foray into western tea ceremony. 

But there it was! The door to Vy’s room! With one of her servants waiting out front as usual. Today it happened to be Emiya and Artoria, or Art as Vy called her. The pair had been chatting in front of the door before noting Anis, a bit winded, approached them.

“Hello there you two,” Anis panted, checking inside the basket to make sure nothing had spilled. “Is she back yet?”

Opening the basket had apparently been a mistake, since the culinary duo immediately caught onto what sort of treat Anis had brought and smiled. “She is not back yet, but if what you brought tastes as well as it smells I should believe my master will enjoy it,” Arotria smiled, her gentle gaze clearly showing her desire to try some as well.

“It’s been a while since I smelled something like this. Is that-” Emiya approached, starting to reach out to the basket.

Anis flinched back, covering the basket with her free hand. “Sorry about that, it’s best as a surprise ya know? Don’t worry though, it’s meant to be shared.”

Artoria nodded. “Indeed. You should learn to be patient like me. After all, Miss Anis has told us quite clearly it was meant as a surprise for all of us.”     A letter had gone out to Vy’s main servants last week, indicating that on her birthday, they should split into two teams- one to distract Vy, and one to stand guard and prepare the room. Anis had barely made it to the room before the deadline.

Anis held out the basket to Emiya, until he took it with both hands. “I’ll just leave this with yall then and head off after telling her-”

“Telling me what?” 

“YA!” Anis yelled and stomped her foot hard to prevent from accidentally swinging her elbow towards the voice. A very bad habit that had been the sad result of both martial arts training and poor nerves. 

“Eeep! I-I’m sorry Aqui! I didn’t mean to scare you like that…” Vy mumbled, wrapping her arms around herself. “It’s been a while since we saw each other, so-”

Anis breathed out, trying to relax. “It’s fine- fine” Anis breathed out again, her heart rate returning to normal. “Happy birthday Vy.”

She said it in the gentlest tone she had. Because it was her. One of the kindest souls she’d ever met, and deserved all the respect and charity the world had in return. Even Anis’ servants would treat her kindly and take time to chat with her from time to time. 

“Thankie Aqui,” she smiled back in the way that had made her so warm to all she met. “What's that? It smells delicious~” “Hold on there little sparrow,” Robin grinned as he put a hand on her shoulder, earning a small pout from her. “I think we should all go inside and get the full surprise right?” Anis nodded, glad to not disappoint. “We came up with a nice little thing for you Vy!” Anis smiled, something she wasn’t too familiar with, but she was glad her tone at least matched the mood. “I wanted to give you something as thanks for what you’ve given me and others here. And sorry to say, I won’t take no for an answer.” “Muuuu. This better not be something too big Anis.” _________________________

It was a simple affair. Anis had simply planned to leave the gift after explaining, but Achilles and Emiya had forced her to take a seat at the table. Apparently, she had a responsibility to see it through to the end.     The cake sat at the center of the table- a Rosca de Reyes, a delicious pastry in the shape of a round loop topped with concha sugar in vanilla, chocolate and strawberry. There were also some fruits as well, but only on half of the cake since Anis didn’t care for them.

The main gift though was the act of cutting the cake, Anis explained. “See, this is technically a celebration cake that’s eaten either on christmas, or on the actual feast day in January,” Anis explained as she passed the knife to Vy on the opposite side of the table.

“Let me get that for you,” Robin said as he started to reach out for the knife only to have Anis give him the look she usually gave those who started deviating from the rules in board games.

“The main thing is cutting it, Robin, so she needs to choose what part she wants and cut it herself,” Anis explained, tapping the cake. “It’s not just a cake you know, it’s a game.”

Vy tilted her head and squinted at the cake. “A… game? Like, with rules?” 

“Not that kind of game,” Anis chuckled as she waited for Vy to grip the knife. “See, it’s about making choices and seeing if you get lucky.” Vy still looked a bit confused, but eventually started cutting into the Rosca, the rich smell leaking out with each cut.

Crshh!!

“W-what was that?!” Vy pulled the knife out and looked inside the cut. “Is there food inside too? But it was so hard?”

“Got one already?” Anis asked, a bit surprised at the game starting off so quickly. “I tried to mix up the placement, but with your good fortune it makes sense you’d hit it off on your first try. Make your next cut for now, okay? But only cut as much as you can eat.”

    So Vy, still a bit confused, cut again, and hit something she couldn’t cut again. The look on her face though was more of curiosity and interest though, which helped relax Anis a bit. She held out a small spatula and Robin took it to lift her piece out, pulling a bit hard to separate the piece, revealing-

“What the? Is that?” Robin asked, not entirely sure of what had just happened.The other servants were all mostly curious as well, leaning forward to see. 

A small blue bird’s head poked out from the left side of the slice, the rest of its body supposedly buried inside. On the right side though, was a small tile with a flower motif that fell onto the plate with a small clink.     Vy picked it up and looked it over. The small white ceramic tile was two sided- a lily on one side and a lotus on the other.

“Two prizes so far Vy! Congrats!” Anis clapped, excited to see the reactions of surprise. “The game is meant to be that each person has a chance to find a prize and get good luck! I kinda adjusted it though and just made plenty of small prizes so every one of y'all could get something. So please, go ahead and enjoy it.”

Vy and the other servants started to get excited and began to cut their own slices to find prizes. A large variety of small figures and decorated tiles came out- a miniature crystal horse, a golden chariot, a lion cub, a golden ram, even a miniature Fou! The cake wasa soon gone and the figures were gathered in front of the empty plates, with Vy enjoying the rising atmosphere.

She deserves it honestly. She’s been working hard to take care of so many people. I just gotta give back something. Anis knew how late Vy stayed up at times- both working and because of stress. She also knew from how Fujino treated her that there were obviously more details about her past that shouldn’t be approached. But the unconditional love her servants had for her… Honestly, it made her a bit jealous. But that was fine. She had her own servants she cared for and could rely on. And a fellow master who she could always count on to hear a lovely tune sung or performed. A wonderful flower that bloomed once in the ice and now again in the sea. 

Thank you for being born Vy. I’m glad to have been able to meet you. And more so that you could consider me a friend. May you overcome all your hardships, and keep  your kindness forever.

[silver-wield]

Can you do an analysis on Cloud and Tifa’s body language during that scene when they’re in Cloud’s room and he’s slyly referring to his promise to Tifa? There was crazy sexual tension in that scene and it honestly looked like Cloud was subtly being flirty with her 😭

No probs, Nonny! I actually already touched on their body language in a reply to a gif set of this bit, so we'll just expand on that ^=^

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven't played – do I still need to do this? Eh ok, (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it's gonna be a VERY long one so prepare to scroll.

Also, this is one person's interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that's cool and we'll agree to disagree.

You're also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I'm grabbing them from Youtube and it's frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.

Other analyses if anyone's interested.

Shinra HQ vision scene (Cloti/plot analysis) 

Chapter 3 (Cloti reblog) 

Tifa character analysis 

Aerith Resolution (plot analysis/theory – I should probably update this since I've had other ideas since then) 

Train graveyard (not really an analysis, but I got some sweet screenshots of Cloti) 

Clotiscrew tunnel analysis 

Cloti reunion analysis 

The Promise Analysis 

Andrea's approval (Cloti ask response) 

Leslie analysis (not mine, but a good read) 

Cloti action touching 

Aerti friendship analysis 

Now, strap in and enjoy the ride.

Keep reading

Recap time! Yall know the drill by now if you've read my other ramblings.

Chapter 3, where we get a room (lol), do some jobs and have a chat with Tifa. It's pretty basic stuff until the cut scene after Marle gives Cloud a talking to. She's the overprotective grandmother figure that Tifa needs in her life and she wants to make sure Cloud isn't messing with her. Now, why would she think that? Well, maybe she picked up some hints when Tifa mentioned Cloud to her about wanting a place to stay? Marle's pretty sharp, after all, and if she got the impression Tifa is carrying a torch, she'd definitely make sure Cloud's not about to blow it out. She tells him to pay attention to her, to listen. This is the very first instance of Cloud taking in that kind of info and it changes how he treats others for the rest of the game.

After the chapter 4 mission where Cloud reflects on his promise to Tifa, it's back to the slums for some rest. Then Tifa knocks on his door and enters. She mentions Cloud was gone for a while, and he answers he was walking so that he keeps Jessie's secret – because he's that kind of guy.

Small talking Tifa is cute, but lol, Cloud seems to have purposely forgotten Johnny since he's yet another admirer of Tifa. For a guy who doesn't forget info like morons who could cause them trouble in the long run, it's pretty telling how quickly he is to dismiss Johnny.

Onto something more interesting in this pic, though. Cloud is sitting on the bed. Now, if he wasn't comfortable around Tifa he'd have got up. His eyeline is lower than hers so he has to look up at her. This puts her in a position of dominance over him – also not surprising since his mentality is that of a 16yr old around her and she's the adult in the relationship. Tifa for her part has her body turned to the side in a non-confrontational pose.

Tifa has her hands clasped in front of herself (couple of seconds before this screen) which indicates she's trying to protect herself as she asks the question if Cloud is leaving Midgar. Not surprising since she's afraid of losing people she cares about and even just someone heading off somewhere else would upset her, though she'd try not to show it.

Cloud, for his part, looks away, appearing as though he's thinking it over, but we're already aware he's decided to stay and help Tifa out, so this is a fake out on his part. He's half-teasing, half trying to get a positive response from her (remember the water tower? Yeah, this is that Cloud. The dork. The one who is useless at talking to girls).

I'm sorry, but Cloud is such a cheeky bastard I just can't with him! This is giving me all the throwbacks to his behaviour at the water tower and I love that it mirrors that moment, but with more success on his part this time. He's looking all around trying not to give himself away before it's needed. He's smiling and looks relaxed. He might be sitting but he definitely believes he has the upper hand between them at this point. Remember, I've said before that eye contact is important. Well, in this case, Cloud's deliberate refusal to make eye contact shows he's teasing. This is such a cute moment between them!

Oh ho! But here's where his teasing ends. Cloud is being completely serious and obviously took the promise between them as being special. Ducking his head out of sight completely prevents us from seeing his expression and allows him to act in a casual way about something that's such an important part of who he became. But, he's not quite pulling it off because he's also looking quite defensive in this pose. His hands are clasped in front of him and he's leaning forward, looking at the floor. This is something very meaningful for him to talk about and he's hoping Tifa doesn't brush it off, so if he doesn't look at her he won't have to see her reaction.

Tifa's obviously got her own interpretation of how that promise went. We can guess she did it because she just wanted a guarantee she'd see Cloud again some day from how she acted during the water tower cut scene. Here, she's leaning back on her hands which leaves her body language open, but also conceals something. She's looking down, the same way Cloud did. She's also hiding her true feelings towards Cloud the same way he's hiding from her, but she's being as honest as she can be as the same time. I've seen people call Tifa a liar because of how she doesn't address Cloud's memory problems in OG, but when you really take a close look at her, lying just isn't her. This is a complex moment between them. They've not long met again and they're having this heavy conversation. The feelings between them are still there, but there's all this other stuff that's more important. But, they know they're friends, and that's a good place to start getting to know each other again, and Cloud choosing to stay is that first step, with the quick follow up of him reminding her of their shared history.

Cloud, you smooth bastard I love you for this! This is definitely flirting! He's looking directly at her, then dips his head to the side in an inviting gesture. His eyes soften and he gets this tiny smile on his face. His body language has changed, too. He's sitting up and back slightly with both arms by his sides. There's no more defensiveness about him. He wants to listen to her. Cloud is choosing to ask for Tifa's confidence. He's letting her know she can rely on him. That he's interested.

For her part, Tifa's pleased, but surprised. She's not long got back in touch with Cloud and, while he's been a decent guy, she's had the overall impression he isn't the same as the soft boi she knew, so this is a revelation for her. The Cloud she knew is still within this Cloud – which anyone who knows the real!Cloud SOLDIER!Cloud storyline is exactly the point of this moment. Tifa knows his true self. The true self that comes out only when he's with her.

Cloud, bro, I'm gonna combust from all these flirty gestures! Fully open body language, a smile, teasing tone. Goddamnit, just say you love her already! Yes, please, invite Tifa to check you out. Remember, he's still sitting. He's so relaxed and natural around her. Even if all you saw was two friends and no ship, you'd be insane to think he isn't a different person in this scene. He's not SOLDIER Cloud here.

Tifa, for her part, isn't flirting here. She likes Cloud, that's clear, and her body language is reaching towards him, which suggests she has feelings towards him, but her tone is more playful and her expression is pleased. She's happy to see her friend isn't too different from the one she knows. Most of the flirting in this scene is on Cloud's side, which makes sense when you think of the torch he's been carrying for her. He's trying to get her attention, same way he did when they were kids. Tifa's oblivious but receptive because she likes him back, but she won't show it as much because she thinks he's not interested. Someone knock their heads together please lol

OMG FUCKING HELL CLOUD JUST TELL HER YOU LOVE HER! Leaning back on the bed, totally vulnerable body language, drawing attention to the bod in an attempt to spark her interest – since he's clearly interpreted this line from Tifa as a rejection – this boi is trying so hard! He even looks a little disappointed she's not more impressed with SOLDIER Cloud, but we knew she preferred the dork anyway lol

Now, I know everyone talks about the physical and emotional distance between them here, which is obvious, but what I'm gonna point out is after feeling like SOLDER Cloud has been rejected by Tifa – thanks to her preference for the real deal – Cloud looks away from her. She's brushed him off and he's hiding his upset by not meeting her eyes.

Tifa is still oblivious to this, but Cloud definitely has a look of disappointment on his face.

Now, after that last bit you'd think Cloud would assume he's got no chance, but then Tifa says how glad she is to have him back and that cheers him up. He's still in that mindset of a 16yr old with a crush, whereas Tifa's moved on. She's had 5 years apart from him (she thinks it's 7, I know, but he saw her in Nibelheim and how she'd matured a little). She's not thinking of him in an openly romantic sense, whereas Cloud is definitely still deep in his feelings for her. Hearing she's happy to see him hints to him that he might still have a chance with her if they spend more time together. His soft af goodnight is the last indicator of his strong feelings for her. His body language is open once more, he's staring after her with a longing look and a smile and doesn't look away until the door closes.

Conclusion

JUST GET FUCKING MARRIED ALREADY IT'S BEEN 23 YEARS!

Lol seriously though, Cloud is definitely still deep in the throes of his childhood crush. Tifa could resurrect hers with time because it's clear she does still harbour feelings for him, but she's not the type to be pushy or insistent. She'll let Cloud take the lead and offer subtle hints how she feels, hoping he feels the same. She doesn't pick up on Cloud's subtle flirting compared to those more in your face things he tried earlier. Through all of those interactions with her he's definitely trying to say that he likes her and he'd like her to accept his feelings, but the bigger gestures get the brush off, although she blushes and looks shy, and the smaller ones go over her head.

Unfortunately, these two are oblivious af and it's gonna take everyone's help to get them together.

[littlebabycrybtch]

bro..... im sooo tired of ppl being whiny freaks about ppl liking fictional shit ‘~too much~’. like bitches are literally fully convinced if you prefer acting out certain ideas in fiction but not irl, thats not your normal preferential boundaries but rather your brain is a mental illness BOMB and you need to be fucking hospitalized for being imaginative and having autonomy. like yall if its not taboo or smth shut uuuuhp man you’re not ‘concerned for their health’ or w/e you’re fully just tryna get away with being a nihilistic asshole who lacks sympathetic reasoning skills. listen to me. fiction is valuable. the thoughts we have on it are important. the personal lack of value you happen to put on a media is next to worthless. its not a fuckin waste of time dude, creators are people, who live in the real world, they experience it and have ideas through it and about it, they form and tweak their ideas while still definitely existing in the real world, and then put that back into the world with a new angle and new perspective, to share with other people definitely encountering it in , you guessed it , the real world. thats not disconnected. its not nothing. these things do not magically appear from fairytale land, they are created. stories mean smth, people tell them for a reason, its ok to feel smth for any story, why would we even tell them if not with the intention to impact others emotionally somehow i mean??? fiction does not Just affect reality, it is valuable to real life society, it is a functioning thriving part OF reality. 

humans have told stories since the dawn of our existence. it is literally all but an inherent species trait for us to imagine things, its tied to each and every one of us, and to reject ‘fantasy’ as smth worthless to human life is frankly just fuckin wrong and weird of you. bitch we are Supposed to get outside the box, the fandom ppl you cringe your pants over arent thinking abt fake shit too much, you guys very often just arent exercising abstract thought and imagination enough, which actually hurts your ability to engage with it critically in all the ways its meant to be. if you dont see the value in fiction its because you put in no effort to form the analysis skills. in other words, you idiots dont get the hype bc you’re too stupid to get how you're supposed to compare a book to the real world it came from. ‘uu but cmon not everythings valuable what about [tumblr designated cringe media]-’ 1. ok! somehow you havent come to this conclusion yourself yet but thats not real, whatever ppl get to enjoy is not all abt you, your bias means less than dirt to others outside of hivemind social medias, you can keep it to yourself, ppl shouldnt care about it bc it means nothing outside of ur own space, its literally funny to me that you’re so elitist you want me to cater my interests to you, Your Standard Of Quality Isnt Universal, 2. ranking the values of fiction is the waste of time here, if you compare mlp to pride and prejudice ill dissect your teeth, different emotional impacts from tragic to funny to Just A Vibe are all able to be assessed as ‘valuable to somebody else so leave well enough alone’ if you dont have 2010+ funnyman brainrot disease that makes you incapable of reflecting on anything you can find a way to joke abt first.

i mean seriously like. whenever randos start engaging with medias you ppl dont like or in ways you dont get, the strawmans yall make up to get to be cringe culture vultures abt such benign shit, and almost Always at the expense of neurodivergent people with a deeply rooted undertone of extreme ableism might i add..... its just so selfish. u have a brain ok, you’re manipulative but we both know you dont Actually think ppl automatically default to being a waifu obsessed incel rotting away at their basement computer, stagnating their social skills and straying further and further from reality with each passing day, a poor disturbed wretch that you just HAVE to save from themselves, all bc they say they. prefer fictional porn or w/e to having sex irl. buddy thats not a big deal, theyre normal, just different from you. theyre fine, you’re just uncomfortable. as a functioning adult you’re gonna have to try and recognize that sometimes that feelings gonna be 100% on you, and you cant always just lie abt the validity of it to make ppl feel obligated into agreeing with you. this is gonna be one fragment of their personhood and your self obsessed brain imploding over how unrelatable that is doesnt fucking matter, grow up bitch like. how detached do you have to be to think thats so unstable or morally wrong.... its just a completely inconsequential preferential decision that only affects them and isnt a wrong choice at all cuz nobody has to get their dick wet if they dont wanna for any reason ever and thats gotta be that tbh.... and it kills me cuz they still inherently experience the real world and are capable of thinking abt it critically,,, even tho they... masturbate to drawings or w/e the fuck ppl think is unhealthy ???? like? imagination is just fun we dont need to moderate it anymore than we moderate other fun activities i mean lol ksdjfsd this is the DEFINITION of ‘just vibing’ no one FUCKING cares and it deosnt fucking matter the way you desperately try to make ppl think it does just so u get to be loud abt ur shortcomings as a decent understanding person. 

‘uuuuuu im sorry but thats unhealthy :///’ you sound like a goddamn maniac dude stories are not unhealthy having feelings abt them is not unhealthy thinking some anime bitch that was DRAWN TO BE HOT , IS HOT, is not UNHEALTHY and you clowns arent convincing anybody you ‘care’ abt that concept anyways !! im losign my mind here skdlsdfsd medias are literally DESIGNED TO DO THIS TO PEOPLE... WE’RE SUPPOSED TO FEEL THINGS FOR IT.... IT IS WHAT MAKES THE ART WE’VE TAKEN PART IN FOR CENTURIES, “ART”.... ITS JUST... HAVING IDEAS AND EXPERIENCING IMAGINATION..... whats wildly unhealthy actually is yalls toxic obsession with ‘harsh truth’ and validating your stupid ass cwinge feewings to the point where everything that gives your underdeveloped selfish ass hives has to be a matter of health and morals and whats ‘best’ for everyone. u dont know that shit!!!! ur a petty brat and im not ur mommy ok i wont baby you so u dont feel like the shitty whiny person you are, you need to grow and do better and think outside urself already, dont put the responsibility of making u feel right for judging somebodies benign hobbies on me. i wont bc its wrong and unnecessary. you’re not a savior no ones falling for that lmao you’re just a bitch girl xoxo get over it shit truly does not matter. let them write nsfw self insert fics instead of banging !! 

to make it real do yall really not Get that basic consent kinda doesnt just mean ‘no when im not in the mood at the time’ but it means ‘no if i just dont fuckin feel like having sex ever for literally any reason at all bc i choose what i do’ and pressuring them, even with what your warped brain translates as the best of intentions, is inherently disgusting? especially with the ‘i know how to help you’ attitude like......... ohhh die soonly ew lmao! lay off this nasty shit already please it doesnt matter! stop trying to make it matter!! its not hurting you or them you stupid tumblr phd ass!! and like again yeah some media shits just truly gross but tbr now its like even That kind of shit, the Real social issues caused by Actually problematic media that ppl should discuss Genuinely without ulterior motives, is being used more and more rampantly as just a stepping stone to get to the needless mockery of other harmless things in the media they want an excuse to bag on.......... like a bitch cant just be grown and talk about problems at face value without getting a bully jab in. smhhhhh you all fuckin suck please just stop talking already. so anyways yeah being attracted to fictional characters instead of real people or w/e IS funny, funny how many boyfriends they have when u have none xoxo theyre having fun and you can die sad abt it they get to die 5 times in an angsty fantasy fic and be brought back with mouth to mouth by fuckin kakashi every time and then they go get lunch irl while ur updating tinder bitch ... different fucking strokes ig !

[toomuchbroadwayquotes]

This might be ignored,its a long read, but if you want to have your forces restored on feminism my dead feminists i really wanted to share something that is making me tear up every 5 seconds.

As some of you might now, in my country (Brasil) we currently have a situation where our "president" is a misogynist (said he had a bunch of boys, they he went weak and have a daughter that's a "small" example for yall), homophobic ( said he would beat the gay out of his son if he ever "got it"), racist ( talking about killing native Indians and saying slaverism was a choice yadayada) anyways, just a piece of crap, we call him Bozo, like the clown. Well ever since his election we have been feeling so down (I'm sure my American friends can share the feeling). We are the country that kills more transexual people on the world. And it's not even illegal here, that would put into perspective. So, all this are real, serious problems, but bear with me as I get I little... naive maybe?. Well we had 20 seasons of BigBrother over here (Or BBB, Adding the Brasil at the end) and the show is on "the liberals tv channel, all the conservatives try to boycott it yadda yadda ") . But this season is just a gem. I feel like a revolution is happening and (I'm crying rn) I can't even put into words. Its gonna sound ridiculous, but you have to understand that 1) TV is a huge part of our culture, and is 100% connected with politics for us. 2)This show has been silencing woman, making men do anything they want without consequences and put woman as simple objects for their enjoyment. And somehow every year we wouldcomplain about how that was the reflection of our country. Something like this year edition NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE.

Our LGBT movies, Theather and books are being censoreds right now. Our country is on the verge of becoming a conservative doom.

The secretary of health system said :abstinence of sex is the best way to avoid DSTs and pregnancies. THATS HOW DEEP IN SHIT WE ARE. And we feel voiceless. Is like they are the majority you know?

Is like, you know when Katniss made every distric rebel by leading an example on the hunger games? Is THAT KIND OF SHIT. So, firsts things first:

I will introduce you the leaders of our current feminist movement

First, Thelma, she is not just ya regular powerful black queen. She is a doctor, with a bunch of degrees on stuff I can't even pronounce,she is specialized on anesthesia and she is a resident like those bad ass ones in grey's anatomy. She she is A BOSS. She is strong, and even though she is not 100% familiar with the feminism in "theory" she lives it in practice with out even knowing it ( now she knows, cause the other two are teaching her!) I want to make clear that on this reality show, the majority of the public has always been racist, and black people normally are eliminated first, yes it sucks and is one of the reasons I stopped watching a long time ago, as most of us millenials, but thank God we came back. She isn't going ANYWHERE CUZ WE ARE NOT LETTING THAT HAPPEN.

The second one is Marcela, every since the first we saw her she said loud and clear:I AM A FEMINIST, she is also a Doctor. She calls her self doctor unicorn, she is an OB/GYN and choose her career because she wanted to fully support her transexual brother /yess/, she is also expert on female sexuality and give classes about it, think Carina Deluca. She also takes care of sexual abuse victims. Oh yeah, she is bisexual as well. And everyone is shipping her with the next one btw.

Now our last warrior: Gizelly, She is a Lawyer, and she advocates for woman, she has suffered all the types of abuse from her ex husband and after all the trauma, she decided no one would do that to her again. Feminist, we call her the hurricane, she just shoots fire and defends any woman that is being belittled.

What happened was, some guys decided they would "seduce"any woman who was in a relationship outside the reality show, so they would look bad, and be eliminated easily. Wellx those 3 heard that, and they just couldn't get quiet. They went and tell all the girls about it. Some of them didn't believe them, the guys said they were CRAZY, and were LYING (what a shock)

The confrontation scene:

So one of them said: If I am lying, I will be eliminated this round. If I'm back, then you are the lier. So, regular reality show stuff right?

Here are some things you should know: Marcela, the leader ( as she was the one with the initiatives) was anonymous when she first got on the show, and 13 days later, she had 2 MILLION FOLLOWERS. Every feminist, every LGBT+ and ally on this country just woke up ya know?. We were all mad as hell that they were being treated as liars, but, and that's a HUGE but, the guy mentioned earlier was against one that was even worse. He was touching inappropriately the girls while they were completely DRUNK at the parties ( they wouldn't remember later), he was the one who actually made said plan mentioned before, but they didn't knew at the house because he was a completely different person when he was alone with the guys. A complete scumbag, he mocked and made fun of every woman on the house because of their looks etc. Sooo, all those millions of feminists watching were like : "do we take the biggest jerk and make the girls think we think they are lying or ?" Well, we decided to take the bigger toxic monster first, and left the other one for the next. But we had a special card. Every year, after the show starts, they put a glass house in the middle of a mall, with 4 candidates inside, we vote for 2 of them to be on the actual show yada yada. What happened was:people started showing off by the mall, with posters, begging for whomever got in the house to :"PLEASE TELL THE GIRLS EVERYONE BELIEVE THEM. THAT THEY ARE NOT LYING. THAT THEY HAVE MILLIONS OF SUPPORTERS. THAT HE ONLY CAME BACK BECAUSE THE OTHER WAS WORSE ETC"

So, last night was elimination day, the worst one got out with 80% elimination A victory for us (there were 4 people on this run, and one of them is a Black guy, fat, older than everyone else, and by history, he would obviously be the first eliminated but he was the one with LESS VOTES. AGAIN THIS IS UNPRECEDENTED IN OUR COUNTRY SPECIALLY SINC THE FOURTH PERSON COMPETING IS A CARISMATIC YOUNG KOREAN MAGICIAN YOUTUBER WITH A NETWORTH OF MILLIONS, BUT THE BLACK GUY WAS LESS VOTED THAN HIM, GUYS I CAN'T STOP WRITING IN CAPS.The second worst one tho, comeback celebrating, saying he knew he was right. Singing victory. The girls were crashed. No one understood and they all started crying and talking about how it was a reflection of our country, but that they wouldn't change their ideals etc. (Again, they didn't knew everything trash bag number one did, cuz he did it in secret so they thought it was an answer)... well, 2am, the couple from the glass house got in. And they told them. They said everything. How the public loves them, and the why the other one got out first, and how we knew they were saying the truth. This part is just a sweet ending for y'all. They then proceeded to get all the woman in one bedroom and talked and talked, they even explained to the ones who had some deep patriarchal mindset and were believing the boys up until that point, they had conversations about feminism, about not accepting to be treated that way, they cried, they were so relieved, it's silly because is a reality show, but last night everyone felt like we were supported. Like, people got our backs! People agree that we wont take that bullshit anymore. In other editions those guys would be the handsome guys that all the girls would die to be with, you know? But know they are the villains. It happened. The girls are not the crazy ones. They are not the powerless wones. They were the STRONG ONES forming OPINIONS, moving the big pieces on the board.

I can't even talk about how this will impact on many young girls, especially with all those girls having such strong stories you know? Today is a reality show but whatch us on the booting vote! Watch us at the March's. Just watch us. I'm telling y'all. Brasil is gonna turn this shit upside down.

Anyways here is a little clip of when our guardian Angel Dan, told the girls that they should trust Marcela's word

The relief the felt, we all felt. Having your word taken seriously after being called crazy and lier...

( even the production of the show tryied to deny the guys plan was real before the videos started pouring up, and they had to take back after saying on national television that Marcela was lying. Because that was the standard)

[tsgabriellelove]

Not an object in your phone looking to secretly be used for cheap sex ONLY.

I have a LIFE filled with my OWN WANTS & INTERESTS. My labor nor time are cheap NOR free. I’m not a drug addict, homeless, unemployed, desperate nor disowned by my family.

LOVE is free. Come out the closet to your family & friends by telling them you’re attracted to trans women so you can make space for us in your lives if you expect free like cisgender women. Can’t change the rules but expect the same treatment.

Can’t have a secret shame and think you can treat the ppl you tell YOUR secret to like they’re beneath you & they’re STILL supposed to respect you. Can’t call a TS you hit up to fuck a “man “ just cause you get mad & still think you’re straight when you bothered THEM lol. Can’t insult a trans person with the same shit you’re attracted to them for just because you heard all your friends & family insult us while you stay quiet not defending us or speaking up for YOUR own sexuality - then think WE will respect you. Each TS you insult has been insulted before. So how long before we defend ourselves? Then you’ll play victim, right? Won’t work.

Got a problem with the trans women you met? CHOOSE BETTER then. Stop looking at pics & choosing by looks then maybe you won’t be disappointed. We are MORE THAN OUR LOOKS. if we aren’t , then you aren’t more than your wallet & what you can afford for your secrets 🤷🏾‍♀️. Can’t have it both ways. You don’t run the world. You can BARELY run yourself & your own family you’re deceiving & living a lie to yet you expect US to bow down when we tuck our dicks, put on our clothes & leave then house DAILY to face a world that HATES US only to have to deal with hate from closeted gay guys who hate themselves ?!🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️

I didn’t make these rules. This shit was going on LONG before I came along so just cause it’s new & secret to YOU doesn’t mean it’s sometime game for us all. It’s been 25+ yrs being open & proud for ME & SOME others like me. If you want someone to play the “something different” game with then stick to those transvestites that are “pretending to be girls” like y’all always bring up to me lol! 😂🤷🏾‍♀️

This doesn’t apply to all. Some of you like boys in wigs with plastic surgery that were gay men 4 or 5 yrs ago. Transitioned in their 20’s only to fuck “straight men”. THATS A TRANSVESTITE BY DEFINITION. I DONT MAKE UP WORDS OR THEIR DEFINITIONS. WORDS MEAN THINGS LOL. So if you like any short, skinny boy in women’s panties, “fem boys”, TV’s or CDs this ain’t for you. You’re basically a pedophile.

This is a call to action for men who claim “straight” cause they “like” trans women. You’re only straight if you date us openly & normally. Downlo is GAY GAY GAY. Can’t be a downlo straight man. That’s an oxymoron lol. MEN DEFEND THEIR WOMEN. DOWNLO GAYS HIDE THE MEN THEY SECRETLY FUCK. I’m saying this cause not all men pay - I know this cause I’ve been trans long enuff to know. Some pay - some play fake “friends” to get their sometime “fetish”

I understand the need to be downlo. I DONT understand the cockiness or entitlement like you’re a REAL straight man or the attitudes & insults towards the trans people YOU dl guys choose to contact. A SMART person with a secret would be NICE & HUMBLE. Choose a SMALL number of ppl to share their secret & keep those ppl CLOSE. you idiots think we HAVE to take your insults & we HAVE to keep your secrets. WRONG. Think again lol. We owe you NOTHING but what you EARN or PAY FOR. some of you need to think for yourselves ABOUT yourselves cause any time a guy gets outed it’s because of HIS stupidity & negative actions.

Anyone whose been following me over the past decade knows I don’t have to out ANYONE. I put trash in its place then move on. Then I post to my PLATFORMS to inform the masses of the common bullshit I see trending amongst the downlo community. I know PLENTY of other tgirls who out y’all, travel in packs, rush sessions, use fake pics, blackmail etc. they only know they can do that cause they know YALL ARE MESSY & so caught up looking down your nose at the LGBT community as if YOU ARENT THE “B” lol!!! I’m just the oracle. I can only tell you what’s happening. I can’t predict what’s GOING to Happen... do better for yourselves tho. Keep your noses clean cause it’s a COLD WORLD

[howardpotts]

YAY! Welcome to my 500 followers celebration!

I started this blog around 2,5 months ago, not really expecting anything. But this fandom suprised me, it’s full of happiness and great people!

Thank you for reading, talking to, reblogging, liking, following me. I love all of you guys a lot and I can’t wait to write even more for you! (This will be tagged under #marvelwriter500)

So, in order to celebrate, I’ve come up with a cool thing, but first some rules:

You must be following me

You must reblog/like this post 

Watch this video to get yourself in the mood

What to do after?

Look at the prompts under the cut and choose one. Send me an ask with the number + your favourite Avenger for a drabble! (example: 17 + Bucky)

If you reblog, you can also send me a ‘👀’ for a blograte and opinion! You’ll get your name/blogurl spelled out in songs as well!

The prompts and sentences are under the cut! Please note that I will only use a prompt once (I’ll strike it as soon as I see it in my ask)

______________________

People I write for:

Steve Rogers Bucky Barnes Peter Parker Tony Stark Natasha Romanoff Wanda Maximoff Bruce Banner Loki Laufeyson Thor Odinson

______________________

Prompts:

1. I thought you were the one for me, but I’m seriously starting to doubt that after two hours of trying to get this IKEA furniture together.

2. My friend dragged me to this party and I just saw my ex, quick make out with me, I’ll pay you.

3. You won’t give me the remote control, so I’m going to bribe/distract you with kisses.

4. You drunkily told me you loved me and blacked out, should I say something or act like nothing happened?

5. Secret Santa (This could be 1 avenger or the whole group if you’d like)

6. We made out in the dark in the club, now we’re in the taxi and both realising we know each other, but we’re too drunk to care.

7. There was a hair sticking out of the last pages of my book, but appereantly you mistook me removing the hair as finishing the book and now you’ve spoiled the entire thing for me.

8. That guy just called you a bitch, so I had to punch him.

9.  I swear to god if I hear you showering at three in the morning again, I will seriously fight you.

10.  I bet you couldn’t make it all the way through this horror movie with me.

11.  I just met you, and this is crazy, but I get sunburned really easily so can you please help me put sunscreen on my back?

12. I just told this guy you’re my girl/boyfriend to get him off my back, sorry stranger.

13. I packed up my stuff, loaded it into the car, and quietly left in the night.

14. Roadtrip (This can include more Avengers)

15. Yeah, I might be sick but I don’t want your help. Don’t worry about me. Wait, why is everything black? Am I fainting?

16. I have a secret youtube-account and shit, you just found out.

17. I’m being sarcastic and you’re not getting it. 

18. Stranded due to extreme weather

19. I lost you at a shoppingmall and have to make an announcement over an intercom

20. Sleeping in until midday because they just want to be in each other’s arms

21. Telling them you’re pregnant (only with men for obvious reasons)

22. It makes me feel sick to my stomach listening to you coo over your new partner.

23. We sat next to each other during a really sad film and now we’re sharing tissues silently whilst we cry at the cinema.

24. We live across the street from each other and you have no curtains

25. I work in a restaurant and you always sit in my section

______________________

Sentences:

26. “Is that my hoodie?” “It smells like you, that’s comforting to me”

27. “Yeah, I love you. Got a problem with that?”

28. “Someone could catch us.” “Don’t care.”

29. “I wish you were here to tell me I’m overthinking things.”

30. “Oh come on, surely you have at least one nice thing to say to me.”

31.  “YOU LIKE (TV-show) TOO?”

32. “This is the opposite of what I told you to do.”

33. “You know I can’t resist you when you wear that…”

34. “You know I’m not a babysitter, right?”

35. “Let’s just pretend this never happened.”

36. “You’re being consumed by your work, you know.”

37. “You’d take a bullet for me?”

38. “You deserve so much more than what (s)he’s offering”

39. “Why can’t you just be mad at me?”

40. “I promise you, I’m going to fix this”

____

Tagging some people who might be interested. If not, I’m sorry; just ignore my stupid face. (Just so you know, I love and appreciate yall <3) @mega-trash-cringe @ladycanarybarnes @cuteafricanbunny @michaellangdonslut @chonisbestmistake 

[the-marvel-imagines-blog]

Madness | Chpt. 5

Requests are Open

Chapter Title: “Thunder in the Rain”

Pairing: Loki x Original Female Character

Word Count: 7,968

Warnings: angst (I mean, when is it not angsty?), new character alert, also some kissing :*

Name Pronunciations: Hjalmar: “He-all-mar” | Aaldir: “All-deer” | Ephinea: “Eh-fin-ee-uh”

A/N: Y’all are my favorite people in the universe. Thank you so much for reading and enjoying what I’m writing. Even if not every chapter is you cup of tea, it means a lot to see that people are leaving likes, messaging me, reblogging, etc. I love you all so much! Also, please note that I have taken and will be taking a lot of creative liberties pertaining to these characters. This will be shown in excess during the upcoming chapters, so I just wanted to give a bit of a warning.

Tagged: @teddyboobear @alledeglyfunny (anyone who wants to be tagged can message me and ask. It’s not a problem at all)

As I walked away from him, a part of me hoped to hear some kind of regret in his voice or anything at all, even. Instead, I heard nothing. He was silent. Maybe I had to do what everyone had been telling me to do all along: let him go. In my heart, I knew what would have been best for me. I knew that I would have been safer and filled with less grief if I let him go and went to Midgard to be with the Avengers and her. I knew that she would undoubtedly fill the void in my heart that Loki left there, as she had been the one to fill it ever since he fell. Still, I felt responsible for him as well as the Nine Realms. I saw the damage he had done to the world we knew as our second home. His suit was black (the absence of light), gold (what had once been my favorite color), and green (his favorite color-the color of my eyes). He attacked the part of Midgard we had last been to together. It was a night of laughter and happiness for both of us and a memory that was now clouded with pain and darkness. He still used the daggers I had given to him before he left for a battle with Thor-a battle Thor talked the Allfather into keeping me out of, as I was still recovering from the last one.

A piece of me wondered if he had a reason. Maybe he truly didn’t care for me anymore, maybe he lied to me all those years, but for what? What did he have to gain from an orphan girl? He was a God, and I was just another Asgardian. There was nothing extraordinary about me. If he wanted to manipulate someone for so long, why wouldn’t he choose someone with more power? I had to believe that it was more than that. I had to believe that there was something else that I just wasn’t seeing clearly. He was still in there. The man I knew was still holding on and fighting back this new version of himself. I didn’t know what happened or what made him turn on me so quickly, but I had a few theories of my own. Perhaps he found out about my secret from Odin that day, but I still didn’t even know how Odin would know in the first place. Maybe he fell out of love with me quicker than I had ever anticipated he could. I didn’t understand, but it wasn’t for me to try to figure out in the middle of the night when I was still sick from the ale that evening.

I made my way up to the training grounds, casting the illusion just long enough to make it past the guards. Once my eyes were dried, I dropped the illusion, finally visible again. I lifted a dulled sword from the rack and walked over to one of the training dummies before taking out every ounce of anger, frustration, and pain on it. I didn’t need to build my skills with the sword anymore. However, I knew to practice regularly to stay nimble. Tonight, however, was simply to hit the dummy as hard as possible to make my muscles sore. I just wanted to make myself tired enough that I could fall asleep for the rest of my life, and if I couldn’t achieve that, I at least wanted to be tired enough that when I laid down in bed, I could fall asleep immediately. I didn’t want to think of his harsh words or the way he glared at me like it was my fault he fell in the first place. I didn’t want to think of the mistakes I had made or the grief I felt over the loss of a man who meant so much to me.

Listening to the loud crack as my sword hit the dummy over and over again helped drown out the sorrow in my heart and the voices in my head that were even more cruel than Loki could ever even hope to be. As I growled, I thought of every moment in my life that I felt anger, every moment I felt alone, every moment I felt weak. I thought of the night he told me he hated me, the fall, when I saw him on Midgard, when I left her, when Tony Stark shed a tear for me, when she cried. There were so many moments, but they all came rushing back as the wall I had built up to keep them away finally broke down and crumbled into nothing. Suddenly, I heard a loud crack and opened my eyes to see that my last swing of the sword had been too successful, as the blade lay broken on the ground.

“For a woman as peaceful as yourself, you sure like breaking swords when you’re angry,” Thor’s voice rang out from behind me.

I whipped around, surprised by his presence. I hadn’t heard him coming, and I certainly didn’t feel him because of my clouded thoughts. As soon as I looked at him, my mind quieted once more. He was a peaceful soul with eyes as deep as the oceans. He leaned against one of the pillars with his arms crossed over his chest. His robes cascaded over his broad shoulders, and he wore a slight grin upon his lips. I shook my head, dropping the handle of the sword, which would be of no more use, “I apologize if I woke you,” I murmured, attempting to walk past him. I was in no mood for speaking as my frustration had not been washed away completely.

He caught my arm before I could pass him, and as my chest continued to heave, he spoke, “you did not wake me, Lady Eva. I figured that after you visited Loki, you would come here,” he said, hinting at the fact that he already knew what I had been up to that night. My mouth gaped open as I searched for any possible explanation other than the one he proposed. Before I could lie, he continued, “my brother has been playing tricks on me since we were children. Do you not think I can tell? Plus, I’ve known you since we were children, and I knew you would go down to see him at some point,” he shrugged.

“I had to. You can be mad, you can tell the Allfather, you can do whatever you need to do, and I won’t be upset. All I ask is that you continue fighting for him the way I have,” I said, straightening my shoulders, “I will accept whatever punishment my King sees fit.”

“Your King will never know,” Thor replied in a hushed but stern voice, “I will not be speaking a word of this to my father. You did what needed to be done, something he doesn’t believe is worth the time or energy. You’ve looked out for my brother since we were kids, and I would’ve been ignorant to believe that you would just stop because of what happened on Midgard. You still see the good in him, and I admire that because I still love him just as much as you do,” he added, “how was he?”

I stepped back over to him, and he released my arm from his grasp. I motioned around the training grounds, “well, I’m out here, so it didn’t go as well as I had anticipated. He’s still hurting, and it continues to break my heart every time I see him. I can feel his pain just as I could before, but it’s amplified.I just don’t know if I can keep doing this to myself, Thor. I don’t know if I can keep trying to save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. It would kill me to abandon him like this. His mind is chaos. He needs a moment of clarity, of peace, but...maybe I can’t give that to him,” I answered the best way I could.

“Who better to show him that moment of clarity than you?” he asked, gazing down at me with eyes that shined like the sun on my darkest day. While every other love I felt paled in comparison to that which I shared with Loki, Thor brought something else into my life, something more beautiful than life itself. He reminded me that life was not about power or status, it was about living. He had a love for all living things that matched my own, and I loved him all the more for it. Thor never pushed me away, “you have done so much for him, Eva. You may not think you’ve done enough, but you’ve done more than everyone else put together. You have sacrificed more than anyone else. All I know is that you need to take fate into your own hands sometimes. Maybe you find that you don’t want to wait for cooperation from Loki or the Allfather. All I know is that you have allowed others to control your destiny for too long, and it’s time for you to take your control back,” he added, “and if you need to talk or cry or scream, you know that I’m always here.”

My eyes filled up with tears, and I pushed them back, having cried more than enough over the situation. It felt like I couldn’t stop since the fall. It was that moment that I made the promise to myself: I would be weak no longer. I would weep over my situation no longer. I could mourn for the man Loki once was or give him no other option other than to accept my help. As my chest continued to heave due to the unchecked frustration, I grabbed the back of Thor’s neck and attacked his lips with my own. It was the only thing that felt right. It only lasted for a second before the shock forced him away from me, and he held me at a short distance. He cleared his throat, color filling his cheeks, “why did-what are you...we can’t do this when you’re still a bit drunk, Eva. I don’t know if this is you or the ale from earlier, but...you aren’t in the right state of mind for this right now,” he noted, chuckling to lighten the mood.

“Does that really matter anymore?” I asked, closing the space between us once more, and he allowed me, “I want this. Do you want this?” I asked, gazing up into his eyes.

He sighed, “you know I do, and you know I’ve wanted this for a long time. There’s a reason I haven’t done anything since we were young, though, Eva. You belong with Loki, and I don’t want to get in the way of that. I love both of you too much to ruin what you have,” he whispered, his arm snaking around my waist, telling a very different story than the one spilling from his lips.

“What do you think you would be ruining? The rubble of our love? Do you think you can shatter heart we shared anymore? Could you kill a flower that was already dead?” I asked, realizing that, while I loved Loki more than life itself, he loved me no longer, “I will love your brother until the day I die, but he has hurt me so much, I think I deserve a moment of happiness. I deserve to remember the sweetness of love, which is something I have forgotten the taste of for so long. Remind me...please,” I begged, grasping onto his robes in a desperate attempt to let him know that I would not hold anything against him.

He searched my eyes for any hesitation that could have been lingering there, but he found none. He found only loneliness and grief. Perhaps he felt sorry for me, or perhaps he was giving into urges that had lain dormant since our childhood. Either way, he kissed me. I threw my arms around his neck as he lifted me off the ground. I wrapped my legs around his waist, grunting lightly when he pressed me against the pillar he had been leaning on only moments ago. His lips were smoother than I had remembered them, and I could feel the areas he bit when he was nervous. As his left hand grasped my thigh, offering me an extra level of support aside from the pillar, his right hand steadied my face as he kissed me with more passion than I’d ever anticipated.

To my disapproval, his lips departed from mine, and he began to sprinkle kisses along my jaw and down to my neck, a place Loki always loved. As I squeezed my eyes shut, I forced the thought of him from my mind and focused on Thor. When he grazed his teeth against my neck, I arched my body into his, feeling a shiver run through me. As I arched into him, his arms wrapped around my body, squeezing me against him hard enough for me to feel every muscle and every crease even through the clothes. For the first time in such a long time, I felt small in someone’s arms. Aaldir, Hjalmar, and Loki always made me feel that way, like I never needed to worry when they were around. However, she had the opposite effect on me. I was the one to make her feel small, the one to protect her. Ever since her, I had not felt like the small one until now.

With one arm still draped over his shoulder, balancing myself, I grabbed his face with my other hand and turned his head so that he was looking into my eyes. I saw joy and desire and so much anticipation. I pressed my lips to his once more before pulling away and trailing kisses along his defined jaw and down to his neck. His hold on me tightened as I ran my lips along a sensitive spot. As I kissed him, he walked us down the hallway toward his chambers. He opened the doors with his back and shut them with his foot. When we were finally in the comfort of his room, he peeled me off of him and pushed me down onto the bed. I chewed on my bottom lip and laughed as his eyes scanned over my body.

Before I could react or speak, he joined me on the bed, nestling his body between my legs and proceeding to kiss me once more. As soon as I felt his warmth, Loki’s face flashed behind my closed eyes. I tried to blink away the tears in my eyes, but it was like he could feel my hesitance. He pulled away from the kisses and pushed himself off of me in an attempt to figure out where he had gone wrong. I shook my head, trying to collect myself, but I was failing miserably. The promise I made to myself such a short time ago was already being broken as I began to cry, “I’m sorry, Thor. I’m sorry,” I broke down, hiding my face in my hands. I felt so much guilt in that moment, so much anger at myself for being so stupid as to believe that I could just replace the love I received from Loki.

As soon as I began to cry, Thor crawled over to me and wrapped me up in his strong arms, “I know that you don’t want to hear this right now, but as your friend, I need to say it,” he stated as my body quivered and trembled in the arms of the man I wished I was meant to be with. If I was destined to be with Thor, my life would have been so much easier because he would have loved me from the very beginning until the very end. I wouldn’t have felt this pain. Maybe I was just cursed, though. Maybe it was my fault that Loki was hurt the way he was. Maybe I was at the center of his pain. Before my mind could continue down the darkened trail any further, Thor spoke, “I love you, Eva. I have loved you since before I can remember, and I’ve never stopped loving you. For a long time, I wished that you chose me instead of Loki. I wished that you would find happiness with me, but I always knew that you two were meant for each other. Even though it kills me to say it, you and I don’t belong together. You belong with Loki. You always have. And I can’t let my love for you ruin your relationship anymore than it already has,” he said, grief clear in his deep voice.

I shook my head, wiping my tears away as I found the strength to gaze up at him, “you didn’t ruin our relationship, Thor. You had nothing to do with this,” I murmured.

He sighed, “there’s something I need to tell you.”

*Thor’s POV*

I had been more surprised that she stayed after I told her the story of that day, more surprised than I was that she didn’t try to hit me. Instead, we shed tears together, and I sat with her until she fell asleep. After I told her what happened and apologized profusely, she lessened my guilt by being adamant about how it wasn’t my fault. Still, I could see the pain the truth brought her. She was heartbroken, and she went to sleep that way. A piece of me wished I had kept it from her, but it had been two years of her questioning why Loki turned his back on her, and I knew the truth.

Unable to sleep, I found myself with Heimdall in the Bifrost. Though even looking at the Bifrost brought Eva a sense of misery, she spent much time in the very spot I was standing, and I knew that it was because the her fear and sadness over that fateful day paled in comparison to love she had for the Midgardians and...her. She asked about them often, and Heimdall would always fill her in on the health and well-being of each of them. She was always the most concerned about Tony, the two of them having a special connection that I could not understand. Steve also held a special place in her heart, which I could understand much more. He was a soldier and always put the needs of everyone else above his own. He didn’t like to fight, but he did so that others could know peace. Eva did the same.

As I stood next to Heimdall, staring out at the stars, I felt his gaze shift over to me for a fraction of a second, “you told her,” he noted, clearly having cast his gaze upon us when he felt her distress. The two of them were connected the same way her and I were connected. It paled in comparison to Loki’s connection to her, but we could feel when something wasn’t quite right.

I nodded my head, “I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t keep it from her any longer. She deserved to know the truth,” I insisted, feeling guilty that I brought her to an even deeper level of grief but feeling hopeful that it would help her see the truth, that she had done nothing wrong, “she’s become far more destructive since Hjalmar’s death, and I sensed that she was spiraling. She’s lost so much. She blames herself for Hjalmar’s death, and she blames herself for Aaldir’s sorrow. She blames herself for Loki’s turn and believed it to have been her fault, like she could’ve stopped him from wreaking havoc on Midgard. She had every right to know the truth,” I added

“You are not wrong,” he stated, gazing back out at the stars, “she sacrificed so much for Loki, but I fear that she will now try even harder to free him, even if it means committing treason. She has no reason to show the Allfather anymore respect, for she now knows that he played a pivotal role in pushing your brother over the edge,” he added, and I gazed over at his solemn expression. He lowered his grief-stricken eyes, “I fear for her safety if she tries to disobey the orders of the King.”

“You have my word that I will do everything in my power to keep her from doing anything reckless, but she has never listened to me the way she listened to Hjalmar,” I said, thinking of one of my dearest friends, “how is he?” I asked, hoping for some words of comfort about Hjalmar’s new home in Valhalla.

Heimdall sighed, “I...cannot see him,” he confessed, hesitant to speak the words to me. I furrowed my eyebrows, confused as to how the gatekeeper and the guardian of the Nine Realms could lose track of someone. Before I could ask any questions, he turned his haunting gaze upon me, “I have searched for him, hoping to regale Eva with some stories of him when she came; however, I have not found him. I have searched every realm, every planet, every moon. I have searched the entirety of Valhalla, and I even looked for him in the Realm of the Dead. Still, I have found nothing,” he said, turning back to the stars, “I suggest keeping this between us for the time being. There is no need to put her through anymore pain right now,” he stated, strongly.

I nodded my head, “but what if she comes to you and asks about him?”

He frowned, the mere thought of it bringing a sour taste to his mouth, “then I will be forced to break the heart of a princess.”

*1 week later*

After another night spent watching over Eva and getting barely any sleep, I found myself standing beside my father, the man who was the cause of so much of her grief. She knew it now. She knew what he had done, and while I was surprised that she didn’t hate me for the role I had to play in Loki’s downfall, I was unsure of how generous she would be with my father. The two of us watched her as she practically danced around the training grounds with Sif and Ephinea. She hated fighting, but there was a side of her that came out when she fought that I had never seen before. She was skilled in battle the way no other man or woman could ever even hope to be. She blocked the attacks from each of the goddesses, and the two of them pulled no punches. Sif and Ephinea never went easy on Eva, so for Eva to hold her own against the Goddess of War and the Goddess of Strength, respectively, said so much about her skills.

As gracefully as she blocked what would have been a “finishing blow” from Ephinea, she began to take the offensive, swinging the dulled swords and moving like the ocean. I had gotten the chance to see her on the battlefield so many times throughout my life, and it always left me in awe. She had a plethora of her own weapons, many of which Aaldir had crafted for her or helped in the crafting process. He had given her two short swords that she used on occasion, and he also gave her the greatsword she used most of the time. Loki had gifted her a set of daggers, which were delicately crafted but stronger than anyone could anticipate due to their beauty. She danced around Sif and Ephinea, fighting both of them and successfully knocking them down and finishing them. After her success, she helped them back up onto their feet before starting again. I glanced over at my father, “she has grown far more skilled in the art of battle than even you could have anticipated,” I smiled, gesturing to her.

He nodded, a faint smile tugging at his lips underneath his beard, “if this is how you plan to sway my mind on the matters she has brought up time and again, it will not work,” he reminded me.

I shrugged my shoulders, “it wasn’t my intention, but it would’ve been nice,” I stated, gazing upon the girl who was so strong but so broken, “she has a point, you know...about Loki,” I murmured, wanting my words to be between us. I watched as his eyebrows raised in shock, which was understandable as I had always been fairly quiet on the matter, never explicitly taking anyone’s side, “I don’t believe you to be delusional, which is why I think you know-as well as she does-that Loki doesn’t belong in the dungeons. He is far more dangerous around people who think like him. His mind was corrupted far more after he fell. Even if we could get him back to the way he was before, when he was only trying to take over the throne, instead of killing hundreds of innocent people on Midgard, it would be better than leaving him down there,” I explained, hoping that he would listen to me with an open heart and open mind, unlike when he listened to Eva make the same case about Loki.

He gazed over at me, the icy blue eye as solemn as ever, “so, you are proposing the same thing? I release Loki into Eva’s care, knowing that he is a weakness for her? Knowing that she could never do what needed to be done if it came to it?” he asked, “I simply implore you to think through every scenario,” he added, sensing that he had offended me.

I narrowed my eyes at him, knowing that he was not completely sincere, “no, you are asking me to doubt her. You are asking me to trust her less, but you don’t know her the way I do. You didn’t see her on Midgard the way I saw her. You have no idea what she has done-the sacrifices she has made-for the good of the Nine Realms, for the good of Asgard. You don’t see what she has given up, but I have,” I growled under my breath, angry that he would try to plant the seed of doubt in my mind.

He shook his head, “I do not wish for you to doubt her, but I do wish for you to look at this from a place of objectivity. If you did, you would have the same doubts I do,” he replied, a voice as calm as the breeze that morning.

“I can look at this objectively, and that’s why I believe she could take on this task. While we cannot go back and rewrite the past, she can turn the tides in our favor. If she were somehow able to turn Loki back to our side, think of what our strength could be with an ally like him! We would be much stronger with him as our ally than with him as our enemy,” I exclaimed, gesturing out at her, “look at her, Father! Truly see her for what she is! She’s no goddess, but she possesses the same skills as one. I don’t think this is coincidence. I truly believe that she is meant to be much more than another Asgardian woman.”

“You have much to learn about her, my son,” he frowned, trying to force a smile and failing. I watched as the look in his eye became distant, like he was revisiting a memory that brought him pain. He tried to push it away, but it lingered there.

I shook my head, “I know all there is to know about her. I know her better than I know myself most of the time,” I chuckled, gazing out at the woman I was in love with. For a long time, I fancied Ephinea and Sif. The two women were stronger than anyone gave them credit for, but I couldn’t talk to them the same way I could talk to Eva. Eva was just...special. I knew every little thing about her, even though I was sure my brother knew far more, things I couldn’t even imagine. I glanced back up at my father, “there’s nothing I don’t know,” I assured him, thinking of the many secrets she had hidden from him, secrets he would never even know.

“There is so much you don’t know about her, so much that you need to know,” he said, a sad smile spreading across his lips as he gazed out at her once more before stepping away from the railing and turning to face down the hallway, “walk with me and learn,” he motioned, and I obeyed, falling in step with him and casting one final glance back at Eva. Once we were far enough away from the prying eyes and ears of everyone else, he began speaking, slowing his pace, “before you or I, before my father and his father before him, Asgard was created. Where once there had been nothing, we received a land of beauty, peace, and salvation. This was the place where the Asgardians could call home, a place that was more beautiful and rich with life than any other, and we took it all for granted,” he explained.

“The land began to dry up. Where there had once been lush forests and beautiful mountains in the distance, it was barren. The Asgardians who lived her long ago took from the world but never thought to give back. They built this city upon her natural beauty, hiding the plentiful gifts she bore to them. The creeks and streams began to dry up. People believed that it was the world’s way of grieving. She had always provided for them, always gave more of herself than they could possibly take, but they did not rejoice as their ancestors once did. They took the gift of life for granted, and they took this realm for granted. They did not thank the world for her blessings, and they did not live their lives the way we were meant to,” he continued.

“The drought of the world continued. Food was more difficult to come by, and we were running out of fresh water. We began sending people to various realms to acquire what we needed and bring it back here. We had already stripped our world of all she had to offer, and we were doing the same with as many others as possible. Life was dwindling, and we were unsure about the future of Asgard,” he said before letting out a long sigh. When I cast my eyes over to his face, I saw that he was reliving a memory that haunted him, and a sadness came over him that I hadn’t seen before, “I had an older brother growing up, a man I’ve never spoken about, a man no one speaks of anymore,” he confessed.

I furrowed my eyebrows, wondering how it could be that an entire piece of Asgard’s history was lost to me, “I forbid his name to be spoken, and there are not many who remember him, not the way I do,” he frowned, “Cul was older, stronger, and much more capable than I was. He believed himself to be the rightful King of Asgard, and when my father-your grandfather-died, Cul took the throne for himself. My father had groomed me to take his place after he died, but my brothers and I allowed Cul to rule because of his promise to keep us as his close advisors, a promise he broke shortly after his coronation. He picked from a group of his loyal followers to be his advisors. It wasn’t until he took the throne that we saw just how twisted he was, how his desire to rule festered into a madness we had never seen before.”

As we walked into the throne room, he stopped and stared up at the golden throne for a long moment, “he ordered that we strip the other planets of their resources, and if we were met with hesitation, we were to take the resources by force. He wanted to make it clear that no one would stand in his way. A part of me wants to believe that he had good intentions, that he wanted to show the Nine Realms that Asgard was still a powerful seat. However, the more he took from other planets, the faster ours was dying, so my brothers and I did what needed to be done. We stopped him,” he said, frowning at the memory. I could tell that it brought him so much pain even recalling it, so I couldn’t imagine the pain he went through when he lived it so long ago, “there was a bloodbath in this throne room. My younger brothers fell that day along with so many others, and it came down to just Cul and I. He had sent his followers away to spare their lives because he knew I wouldn’t kill him, that I would spare his life because of the ancient rules, rules he never followed but rules I couldn’t break,” he explained, glancing back over at me.

I furrowed my eyebrows, “but you broke them on that day?” I guessed, hoping it to be true.

He shook his head, a few strands of white hair falling out of place, “I couldn’t, and it wasn’t because of the ancient rules. I couldn’t kill him because he was my brother, he wasn’t the King of Asgard, not to me. I couldn’t kill him because I could still remember running around the palace with him and getting in trouble for fooling around for too long when I should have been studying battle techniques. Instead, I banished him to the Realm of Death, hoping that Death would be able to do to him what I could not bring myself to do. It was where he belonged. He delivered so many souls to Death that day alone that he deserved to face them all once more,” he said, glancing back over at the throne and narrowing his eyes, “but if I could go back with the knowledge I have now, I would have killed him when I had the chance because-”

Before he could explain his reasoning, a booming voice caused the entirety of Asgard to quake beneath our feet. It was the first time in my life I saw pure fear in my father’s eyes, “Odin!”

*Eva’s POV*

I stood in the courtyard that overlooked the Rainbow Bridge. Thor and Odin stood side-by-side in front of Sif, Ephinea, Fandral, Hogun, Volstagg, and I. Behind us were members of Odin’s kingsguard. While I had not wished to even wake up at all that week-let alone see the Allfather-I stood there out of the love I had for Asgard and my willingness to protect the people from any intruder, including the one that stood before us with his battleaxe strapped to his back. He stood the same height as Hjalmar once did, only slightly taller than the God of Thunder himself. The man before us all held himself like a King with his shoulder straightened and his head held high. He looked massive, like he was a force to be reckoned with. I had never met him, but he looked so oddly familiar to me, like a face I had seen only once before.

Dark brown hair that matched his short beard fell in waves nearly as long as mine, but he pulled the strands from his face and fastened them behind his head to see clearly. Even from our distance, I could see myself clearly in his piercing green eyes. Those eyes were filled with so much anger, so much hatred, but they were still so beautiful and pure...a green that matched the colors of spring. My breath hitched in my throat, and it felt like I was going to suffocate. I knew those eyes. I knew them from somewhere, and when he spoke, I began trembling with unchecked fear, “I am Ezra, son of Cul, and I have been sent here by my father, Cul, son of Bor, the rightful heir to the throne of Asgard. I have been instructed to deliver a message to the usurper, your false king,” he spat out, grimacing at Odin. I was shocked by his words, unsure whether or not they were truthful. I had never heard of Odin having any brothers aside from Vili and Ve, and neither of them had any children of their own. It was clear by the looks on the faces of my comrades that I was not the only one who was confused by his claims.

Even if he did, Odin was our King, and for an outsider to show up in Asgard and insult the throne, it was unacceptable. While I was angry at Odin for justifiable reasons, I did not hate him, and I would still fight to protect Asgard and her people. As I made a motion to step forward, Ephinea put out her hand to hold me back. When I tried to pass her still, she grabbed my arm, making her movements as small and unnoticeable as possible to keep from gaining the attention of the the outsider. She gave my wrist a gentle squeeze, trying to remind me without words that this wasn’t the right time. The small motions still pulled the attention of Ezra, and he glanced over at me in particular. His green eyes scanned over my body, and he smirked, “you’re just itching to kill me, aren’t you?” he asked before glancing back at Odin, “I see why you keep some of your best warriors chained up in the dungeons-like your son. It must be terrifying to have this one roaming around,” he said, gesturing to me.

A fury erupted in my chest as he mentioned Loki. I gritted my teeth, my chest continuing to rise and fall at an alarming rate. Still, I remained silent, not wishing to escalate the situation. Odin spoke up, “did you come here to discuss the population of Asgard’s dungeons, or do you have another motive?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow with a mischievous grin. He was pulling a page out of Loki’s book, smiling in the face of danger. It was one of the things that made me love Loki even more, and it made me see Odin as so much more than I had been willing to in the past. In that moment, he became so much more three-dimensional than ever before. While he had forsaken Loki in the past and made his own mistakes, there was a piece of him that still loved the young trickster. When I saw him find his confidence the way Loki did, it made me think of the impact Loki’s actions must’ve had on the Allfather. While I wished to speak with Odin about it, I knew that this was neither the time nor the place for such discussions.

Ezra cast one more glance over at me with a smirk that made me sick to my stomach, but he turned his attention back to Odin when I grimaced at him, “my father sent me with his demands. In his exile, he has been building allegiances with many people within the Nine Realms and beyond, and I can assure you that none of them are particularly fond of Asgard. They would be willing and able to tear Asgard apart at my father’s command, but he is willing to go about this peacefully,” Ezra stated in a menacing tone.

“And what does Cul want in return for his promise of peace?” Odin inquired.

Ezra chuckled, stepping forward, “he wants the throne back, the throne you stole from him,” he growled, pointing a finger at the Allfather, “he demands you hand over the throne of Asgard, and in return, you will be exiled to the Realm of Death just like you did to him. As I see it, you have two options: you can surrender and meet his demands, which will lead to a peaceful life for your people; or, you can resist, which will lead to our return and the subsequent bloodbath that will take place. Either way, we will take the throne of Asgard, but your decision could save thousands,” Ezra said, offering Odin the ultimatum as if he was in any position to do that. He came to Asgard with no supporters behind him and threatened a King with the entire Asgardian army at his disposal.

Odin smiled at the man in front of him, and I saw the condescending undertones, causing me to smile as well. While I harbored some ill will toward him upon recent news, I could not bring myself to hate him or declare that he was a poor king. He held himself with strength and dignity, which was something that would not work in the strangers favor, “you forget the third option,” he smirked, and Ezra cocked his head, clenching his fists, “it’s where I let your armies come, and I defeat Cul just like I did all those years ago. I had no problem doing it then, and I won’t fail now. You do not look for peace, but I pity you if you try to fight us. We know much about what must be sacrificed to maintain peace, and I do not wish for a war. However, I will do what needs to be done should your father attempt to wage a war against Asgard and her allies,” he explained, “so, you can tell my brother that his proposition was met with resistance.”

Ezra chuckled, stepping even closer to Odin. As soon as he was too close, the entire army behind us drew their weapons, but Odin raised a hand, wishing to entertain the boy for even longer. I listened to the warriors lower their weapons, but they did not put them back in the sheathe. I glanced down at Thor’s hands that were balled up in fists. Ezra leaned in close to Odin and spoke, “well, I came here for your surrender, and I’m not about to leave empty-handed,” he murmured before stepping away from the two of them and pointing at me. Once more, his eyes trailed along every piece of my body before locking eyes with me, “I’ll take that one,” he dictated, closing the space between the two of us.

Before he could stand directly in front of me, Ephinea stepped between the two of us, “try to take her, and I will rip you in half with my bare hands,” she threatened, rage clear in her voice. She had always been like an older sister to me, so it didn’t surprise me that she would react like that to someone who was threatening my safety.

Ezra glanced over at her but then back at me, “call off your dog, pet,” he instructed, cocking his head to the side with a smile filled with false admiration.

I scowled at the nickname he decided to give me, and I felt a chill run down my spine at the thought that I could be traded off to ensure peace, even if that peace would be short-lived. Odin’s stunned silence was not helping ease my troubled thoughts, but I had to act with strength and grace just as I always tried to, just as my father taught me all my life. I raised my hand and rested it upon Ephinea’s shoulder as I stepped out from behind her. She gazed over at me, horrified and flustered because of my actions. She had no idea what I was planning to do or why I was planning to do it, but I offered her a short glance that I hoped would set her mind at ease. When I stepped between her and Ezra, he didn’t break eye contact with me. He smirked, one of his eyes twitching ever so slightly as he narrowed them at me.

He searched my eyes-for what, I didn’t know-and when he didn’t find what he was looking for, he grabbed my chin and brought his face impossibly closer to mine, “tell me, what is it you want, pet? Do you wish for acceptance? Strength? Power? A real family? A place where you belong?” he asked, “I’m sorry to break your heart, but you won’t find any of that here, not with the current ruler. And, what about Loki? I’m sure you want him back, too, don’t you?” he asked, causing my breath to hitch in my throat. How did Ezra know about Loki? How did he know about my deepest desires? As I stared up at him with wide eyes, terrified that he was able to pick me apart so easily. He raised his eyebrows, sympathy crossing over his face, “you have so much to learn, beautiful, and if you cooperate, we’ll give you the answers you seek and the opportunity to live out the rest of your life with Loki,” he murmured before grabbing a fistful of my hair and pulling me even closer to him, “but should you fail, I will find your girl on Midgard and tear her apart in front of you just for fun!” he growled, my heart twisting and shattering into a million pieces before he pushed me down onto the ground.

“THAT’S ENOUGH!” Thor’s loud voice boomed, almost like thunder itself. I could barely think of anything aside from Ezra’s threat. I was paralyzed with fear at the very idea that enemies of Asgard knew about her, that they could use her against me. Thor spoke as I tried to collect myself, “you are sorely mistaken if you think we’ll just hand her over to you. Now, we have entertained this madness for long enough. If you try to take her, you will not live to see another sunrise,” Thor promised, glancing down at me and nodding his head. I knew that I would have nothing to fear with Thor by my side. Even if Odin, for some reason, wanted to send me away, Thor would betray his father just to keep me safe.

Ezra chuckled again, laughing in the face of the God of Thunder, “I haven’t seen a sunrise in nearly 300 years,” he confessed, and a piece of my heart broke for him. I couldn’t help but see small pieces of Loki in him, the anger, the pain, the hate. I had nothing to compare Ezra to, though. I knew the man Loki used to be, so I knew that pieces of him were still alive. Still, everyone could be saved, and that included the enemies of Asgard. Ezra continued, “no matter! I’m used to taking what I want by any means necessary, and I don’t lose,” he said before unsheathing his axe in one swift motion and swinging it down toward Thor.

In the split second it took Ezra to begin the attack, I jumped up to my feet and drew Hellbreaker, one of the many swords my father had helped forge for me. Right before his blade could graze my prince, I stepped in front of it, catching the handle of his battleaxe with the blade of my sword and stopping him from hurting Thor. His eyes widened in clear astonishment. I was sure someone like him didn’t anticipate anything extraordinary, especially not from the person he nicknamed “pet” only moments prior. I pushed him away from the Thor and I, “you don’t lose?” I asked, grinning up at the intruder, “well, neither do I!”

[airis-paris14]

Kings Trip Ch. 10

A/N So I’m only 36 hours late. But I hope y’all enjoy anyway. I had fun trying to right for Erik. Let me know how I did. This series has been amazing and I hope to continue being apart of collaborations in the future. Love all of you all!

Chapter 1 ( @sisterwifeudaku )| Chapter 2 ( @blackandfair )| Chapter 3 ( @royallyprincesslilly )| Chapter 4 ( @eerythingisshaka)| Chapter 5 ( @katasstrophey )| Chapter 6 ( @blublubleu )| Chapter 7 ( @dramaqueenamby )| Chapter 8 ( @kumkaniudaku ) | Chapter 9 ( @muse-of-mbaku)|

Next writer up is..... @mbakusthrone

Now where both of y’all niggas going?” Erik frowned as the two put the last finish in touches on their outfits. “I thought we could try to hit up the strip club again. Now that Nakia is gone.” He suggested.

“I’m going to see Max.” T’Challa replied,double checking the way his shirt fell open just below his jacket. “I have got a date with Muse.” M'Baku shrugged. “Wait. This nigga just got out of a one sided relationship,” the prince pointed at the king. “And yo barking ass just saw the same woman this morning. And y’all both pussywhipped niggas in less than 24 hours.” The prince slumped onto the couch observing the two men gather in their things to leave.

“Maybe you could go to this strip club, by yourself?” M’Baku shrugged. “Nigga. Y’all forgot why we here? It’s a Kings trip!”

“Well I only see two kings in the room right now,” M’Baku remarked. “If yo gorilla looking ass make one more smart assed remark,” Erik fumed. “Hey,Hey!” T’Challa held his cousin back. “This is why we are on this trip in the first place. We are here to bond. And Erik is right. We should be doing more together. So let’s compromise. Mbaku and I go out tonight. Then, everyone has to choose a group activity. Starting with the strip club.” T’Challa offered.

Erik huffed his assent and shrugged out of his cousins hold. M’Baku also nodded begrudgingly as he rose from the couch. “Good. N’Jadaka, we will be back later. Try to get out of the hotel.” The Wakandan king suggested.

The African prince trudged into the kitchen. Sighing he glanced at the fridge before noticing a small flyer taped to the door with a note, scrawled in T’Challa’s hand. Some of the students from the outreach center are participating in a poetry slam tonight. From what I have heard of this competition, I thought you might like to go. -T.

Erik unfolded the flyer from behind the handwritten note and glanced over the paper in his hand.

Monthly open mic featuring the Oakland Team

Admission is $5 to support the team’s journey to Brave New Voices. 6:30 @ Frenchie’s Bar and Grill.

“So little niggas think they got game? A’ight. I respect that.” Erik chuckled as he slipped the flyer into his pocket. He grabbed his keys and his wallet and jogged out the door.

The small restaurant was packed full of friends in family. Applause drifted out in to the night air as a poet walked off the stage.The young prince took a seat at the back of the small restaurant as you woman walked up to the stage. Thank you, Thank you all for joining us tonight!” the black woman beamed as her ankara print skirt swished around her ankles. “Thank you to the lovely Danielle for opening as our sacrificial poet tonight. Now I know this is not our usual venue, but the school auditorium is finally undergoing some much needed repairs. Thanks to the Wakandan Outreach center. So Tina and her team here at Frenchie’s has graciously opened their doors up to us for the time being and for that we are all grateful.” The M.C. took a moment to pause and begin a round of applause . The slight swell of her lips as she spoke into the microphone drew Erik’s attention as she continued. “Now we have just a few ground rules for tonight’s performances. This is an open space, where youth feel free to share their experiences. So we ask that you respect everyone and their experience. There is no right or wrong way to express oneself, unless it harms others.”

The prince’s eyes were drawn to her hands as the gestured wildly, making every movement she completed capture the full attention of her audience. Her smile almost blinded the prince as his ears fell back into focus. “And our last rule is to have fun and enjoy yourselves and the immense talent that these children have. With that, our first poet of the night is Deshawn. Please give him a warm round of applause as he makes his way to the stage.” The woman’s skirt swished around her as she moved towards the back of the room.

Erik followed her with his eyes before moving to stand next to her. She glanced up once before her eyes returned to the child on the stage. “Erik,” the prince whispered extending a hand. “Ah, the local rags to riches story. Oni, the kids call me Ms.O.” The black woman’s smile gleamed from behind her brown lips.

“You know who I am?” He smirked. “Who in Oakland hasn’t heard of you. Local kid, graduated with honors. Went to MIT, top of your class. When off and became a top military agent. Then more recently, a crown prince of Wakanda. In line for the throne hypothetically. You’re every little Oakland boy’s dream.” The woman shrugged, glancing down at her list as the young poet began to close.

“You don’t seem impressed,” Erik smirked. “As far as I’m concerned. You still just another nigga from the block.” Oni smirked.

Erik’s grin stretched miles wide as she went back on to stage. The young poets came and went as the night went on.

How’s the show? T’Challa’s message buzzed on his wrist. It’s dope. Thanks for letting me know.

No problem. Enjoy.😊T’Challa’s response was instantaneous. Nigga, don’t ever use that emoji again. Erik replied.

Why not? I am just displaying my appreciation.

“This nigga,” Erik muttered as his attention fluttered back to the end of the show. “Thank you all for coming. We host weekly workshops and performance opportunities. So join us every Tuesday at the community center. Get home safely and remember. You. Are. Loved. Goodnight!” Oni’s voice rang out over the studio as people began to filter out.

A few kids hung behind to talk to Oni before heading out themselves. Erik waited patiently as the last of the kids left. He startled the brown skinned woman as he placed a chair on the table beside her. “So you’re a ‘you can take the man out of Oakland, but you can’t take Oakland out of the man’ type of woman?”

“I guess you could say that,” the poet grinned while moving to another table. “What if I said I could show you more than you can imagine?” Erik offered. “I’d say, I don’t walk around alone with strangers.”

“What if I don’t want to be a stranger?” The Wakandan prince stopped moving. Oni took a deep breath, ignoring his suggestions. “I’ve really got to get home your highness.” she joked moving to grab her things. Oni walked around double checking lights as she called out a goodbye to The kitchen crew. “Ok, it’s late. How you gettin’ home?” Erik insisted. “I’m just gonna call an lyft or something. I’ll figure it out” the blackwoman shrugged as she strolled towards the front door.

“Let me figure it out for you. I’ll take you home,” he offered jingling his car keys as the vibranium car glowed. “Just because you got a fancy car, that probably cost more money than i’ll ever see in my lifetime, dont mean im gonna let you drive me home. You still just another nigga from the block.” the woman sassed opening the lyft app. “Look, tell you what. I’ll have my guard ride with us.” he offered.

“Why, so there can be two men in the car?” the woman deadpanned. “Hard pass.”

“Look ma. How much do you actually know about Wakanda?” the prince grabbed the phone from her grasp. “Negro give me my phone!” Oni hissed. “Just answer the question and I’ll give you the phone.” Erik bartered. “Ok, All I know is y’all rich and black.Now give me the phone!” Oni fumed as Erik held the phone above him where she couldn’t reach it.

“Erik!”

“I like the way my name sounds on yo lips ma.” the prince grinned. “Say it again.” Oni bit back a grin as she pouted. “Just give me the phone please.” Erik laughed, “You gotta say my name for it princess.” Oni sighed, “Just give me the phone Erik, please.”

Erik play moaned as he pulled the phone back into reach. Oni punched his shoulder as she closed the app for now. “Let me show you something different ok? Look, I’ll have Ayo come down here and if you still feel uncomfortable with her then I’ll have a car come take you home. Ok?” Oni sighed reluctantly as Erik called for Ayo.

“Your guard is a woman?” The woman questioned as Ayo appeared from around the corner. “Yeah the royal family’s personal guards are all female in Wakanda. Dora Milaje, the most elite group of warriors in Wakanda.” Erik explained. “More elite than the men?” Oni inquired. “Yeah, they can whoop your ass in a heartbeat.” Erik only half joked as Ayo approached. “Sikhulu wam,” Ayo saluted. “ Ayo, Oni here is worried about riding home with me alone in the car. I was wondering if you would ride with us to calm her nerves,’ Erik explained in his overly clear voice. “njengoko kufanele abe,” Ayo nodded. “As you should be,” the woman flawlessly translated.

“She’s kidding,” Erik reassured as he lead the way to the car.

Once everyone was settled into the car, Erik pulled off down the street, in the wrong direction. “Negro, my apartment is the other direction.”

“I know, we’ll make it there,eventually.” Erik grinned. “Eventually?” Oni shot up. “Chill ma. I just wanna get to know you. Since you know so much about me.” Erik clarified. “What’s there to know about me? The kids are my life. Parents died when I was younger. My aunt who raised me was killed in a drive by last year.” Oni shrugged.

“Damn, I’m sorry O.” Erik frowned as he pulled onto another street. “How much money the kids need to raise for that voices thing?” Erik asked once the traffic light hit green. “Huh?” Oni fell out of her day dream. “The flyer? It said yall we charging admission so the kids could compete later this year. “Oh yeah. It’s a national and international poetry slam. We’ve got a really good group of kids this year. But you know, parents trying to make ends meet, doesn’t usually mean they can spare money for a hotel rooms and meals. We like to give the kids some spending money too. It’s not often they get to get out of this community. We like to reward them, for staying out of trouble. It’s hard when trouble stares at you from every corner, ya know?”

Erik pulled to a stop in front of Oni’s apartment building. “Let me walk you up,” Erik hopped out of the car and opened the door for the woman. They walked in silence up the stairs together. “Can I see you again soon?” Oni finally broke the silence when they stopped in front of her door.

Erik grinned “Ah, you want to see me again?” Oni let a matching grin slide over her face. “Don’t get cocky nigga.” Oni laughed, “You are different Erik.” she conceded with a smile on her face. “You’ve got no idea ma.” Erik grinned as he pulled the woman into a hug.

“I guess i better go,” Oni gestured to her door. “Yeah. Good night,” Erik pouted. “I’ll see you soon, the woman smiled sadly, pushing open her door. “See you soon,” Erik saluted as he walked backwards down the hall. He waited till he heard her deadbolt click before he walked back out to the car.

He settled into the car, where Ayo was smiling from the back seat. “I like her,” the warrior grinned through the rear view mirror. “I feel like a having a burger, You want one A?” Erik ignored her comment as he pulled off. But his smile said it all.

Tags:

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[uniquecreations]

“Workplace Lover” Pt. 1

I was working for this inventory company for a few months when I was promoted to inventory manager. I was assigned to certain stores and pretty much had my team together when they decided to hire a bunch of people. The downside to having new people on my team was the pace slowed down due to me training them. No matter in what company you may work for when you get promoted there are going to be haters and people just downright salty because they didn’t get the position. Either way, I was happy but my love life sucked monkey balls, I couldn’t find a man to save my life. I take part to blame in that because of the insecurities that I dealt with at the time.

  I got up for work this particular morning feeling awful, I went out the night before, got in at around 2:30 am and had to get up at 6 am for work. (Wasn’t one of my best choices.) When I made it to the pick-up spot my team was looking defeated as well, so I knew this was going to be a long day. I went and got all the equipment together and loaded it into one of the vans to leave. The new people showed up shortly afterward and we were ready to hit the road. I had this one friend Ron (straight guy) that I always shot the shit with every day. He would always seem to make the day easy for me by doing stupid shit that just hyped up all of us.

  We made to the job site and began working, I had about 5 out of the 8 new people that no matter what I did, they just couldn’t seem to catch on to add and subtract. In the ones that I was going to definitely keep, there was this one guy named Alton, he was brown skin, had dreads, a deep voice, and a gorgeous smile. He was the most impressive, not just because he was sexy but because he actually took direction well. Once I showed him what to do, it was only a few times he came to me for something after that.

  On our lunch break, I was eating at a nearby food joint with my homie Ron when Alton and a few other people walked in. I was so engulfed in Alton’s looks and the way he walked that I was totally ignoring Ron.

  “Nigga, did you hear me?” He said throwing a fry at me.

  “No, my bad what did you say?” I said embarrassed.

  “I said that since we off tomorrow we should go to the Daquiri Café and get fucked up.”

  “I don’t know about that, I had enough to drink last night to last me the rest of the year.” I said laughing.

  “Punk ass, come on man join ya boy and live a little.” He said pleading, and after a lil back and forth I finally agreed. He was right tho, he would ask me to go out with him and his girl all the time, but I always found an excuse not to go.

  “Aye, can I join yall?” Alton said approaching us with his food on his tray.

  “Sure,” I said looking at the food on his tray. “You sure you can eat all that before it’s time to go back?”

  “Probably but if I can’t then I will just pack this shit up and take it home.” He said after sitting down, we all shared a laugh together and spent the rest of our break getting to know our new team member.

  We finally got thru the day, to say I was beyond tired was an understatement. I already sent a van full of people home and the only people left was the audit team. We made sure all the counts were accounted for as well as correct any mistakes that were made. This process could take anywhere from 30 mins to 4 hours depending on the corrections that needed to be made. Ron and Alton stayed back to help with this process and that made it easier for me because they kept me laughing.

  “So, Alton since you apart of our team now, and since we all have the same schedule…... I was thinking that you should join Jaye and me at the Daquiri Café tonight for some drinks and bitches.” Ron said.

  “I don’t know about the bitches’ part because as you and I both know yo girl will kick both of us in the dick if she finds out.” I said laughing.

  “I’m game, I wasn’t doing shit tonight anyway.” Alton said. I wasn’t too sure about this because even though Ron knew I was gay, I didn’t like to hang around new people who didn’t know about my lifestyle. That could turn out really bad or just make it awkward while working.

  “Cool, they have two we can choose from but since Jaye is technically our boss I vote he choose which one we go to,” Ron said smirking.

  “I can’t fucking stand you and I’m not your boss, I’m only your supervisor while we work in the stores, I can’t fire or hire nobody just write you up and make a recommendation for your termination that’s it.” I said laughing.

  “Stop lying nigga, I looked at your computer earlier and I saw that you got rid of some of the people that came today.”

  “Shut up, that’s private information and while in training and since I’m still the lead trainer I do get to say who stays and who goes but I had to get rid of them because they just…… I don’t know maybe someone else can help them, but I can’t anymore.”

  “So, was I on that list of people? I mean just keep it real.” Alton said with a nervous look on his face and I smirked.

  “No, you weren’t if that was the case you wouldn’t be here right now…… enough of all this bullshit talk I need yall to go look for these sections that haven’t come in yet.” I said hanging them the list of things I needed to be checked.

  After making it home I was beyond tired, all I wanted to do was lay down in my bed and sleep until the following week. That was short lived because just when the sleep was getting good my phone started ringing. I grabbed it to see it was my boos calling.

  “Hey, I need some information about the people you switched and the ones you wanna keep.” She said after I picked up the phone.

  “The ones I wanna keep had absolutely no problem catching on to the work but the other five were just horrible at taking direction. I didn’t suggest that they should be fired I just wanted them to go to Bobbi or Angie team because they work in smaller stores and they can focus more on them than I could.”

  “Ok, we can do that but just for future references…... don’t involve me in your crap, you have every right to assign whomever you want to any team if you feel like they would be an asset to that team. Oh, and you did an amazing job today, I got nothing but good reports from the district manager.”

  “Tell me something new but I will talk to you later I have some things to take care of.”

  “Ok see you on Monday.” She said hanging up the phone. I looked at the time and realized that it was almost time to go meet up with Ron and Alton down the street at the Daquiri Café. I went took a shower and pulled out some clothes, no sooner than I got dressed Ron called my phone.

  “Damn can I put some draws on before you get to rushing me out the house?” I said laughing.

  “Nigga you should have been had yo shit on……. I’m outside so bring yo ass and open the door.” He said hanging up, I threw on some socks and went to open the door before I had to kick his ass. “You never on time for nothing nigga, you were late for work this morning, and now you just now getting dressed.”

  “If you going to be bitching all night then you can beat ya feet motherfucker.” I said walking back to my room, while walking I got hit in the back with a pillow off the couch. “You better stop before I whoop yo ass and put my shit back in the right spot too.”

  I walked into my room tempted to just say fuck it and call it a night, but I made a promise and I was going to keep it. I walked out the room to find that this nigga took all my pillows off my couch and tossed them on the floor. This nigga always doing stupid shit when he come over here, like the last time he came over here he put dish soap in my fish tank which killed all my damn fish. He did buy me some more but it’s stupid shit like that that works my nerves with him. I didn’t say nothing to him, I just walked into the kitchen and filled up a pot with hot water and walked back into the living room.

  “Yo you better not throw that shit on me.” He said holding up one of the pillows.

  “You got 30 seconds to fix my couch you jackass.” I said still holding the pot, he quickly put all the pillows back on my couch and I started laughing.

  “You never play fair tho Jaye, why would you wanna throw hot ass water on me before we go out that shit foul man.” He said laughing.

  “Because you always doing stupid shit, that’s why I’ma stop you from coming over here.” I said walking to the door.

  “Whatever let’s go that nigga probably already waiting on us.”

  “Ok but you driving because I’m still tired.”

  We made our way to the Daquiri Café in no time at all because as I said earlier it was literally down the street from my house. When we walked in I spotted Alton sitting at the bar, I thought he was sexy earlier but now that I see him in regular clothes…… this nigga is drop dead gorgeous. I had no idea how I was going to get thru this evening without staring at him the whole night. We walked up to the bar where he was sitting and sat down, Alton turned his head and looked in our direction.

  “About time yall showed up, I thought yall flaked out on me.” He said laughing.

  “No, but there is something you should know about our boss here……. His ass always late to everything. I got over to his house and his ass wasn’t even dressed yet.” Ron said laughing.

  “Well unlike you two bastards I had more work to do when I got home and plus I was still tired from last night. Yall lucky I’m even here right now.” I said flagging down the bartender. We all placed our order and sat there just talking like we had been friends for ever.

  “So how long you been doing Inventory?” Alton asked me.

  “For about a year now, it wasn’t my first choice but when I was offered the job, they gave me an offer that I couldn’t refuse.” I said sipping from my cup. “Overall, it’s been good, but I don’t think I wanna make a career out of it like Doris and Linda, but it pays the bills and leave me with extra in my pocket.”

  “Cool, this is new to me I’m used to working fast food or doing lil odd jobs from temp services.”

  “You have great work ethics, unlike some people I know.” I said looking at Ron.

  “Aye fuck you nigga I’m the best person you have on your team so miss me with the bullshit or I’ma have to beat yo ass.”

  “The only thing you can beat is yo meat nigga, don’t start your bullshit.” I said and we all bust out laughing.

  “How long yall been cool? It seems like yall brothers or something.” Alton asked and the way he said ‘something’ didn’t sit right with me but I wasn’t going to think on it too much.

  “Before my promotion we worked a few jobs together, he has been a thorn in my side ever since.”

  “Yea right nigga, but Jaye is a down right cool as dude, he will do whatever he can to help anyone just as long as they trying to do shit for themselves.”

  “That’s what’s up, but let’s go get a game of pool in and get this shit crunk.”

  We played pool, got some food, had more drinks than I wanted to have, and had a damn good time just shooting the shit. The night was going good until Ron got a call from his girl and what ever they talked about had him in a sour mood for a bit.

  “What’s going on Ron?” I asked him.

  “She pissed off at me because in her words she never gets to see me until I’m horny or whenever I make time but that’s a lie because I was with her before I came to get you and she knew that we were hanging tonight.”

  “Ok well let’s cut this night short and you go fix things with your girl because I don’t have time for her kicking both our ass.”

  “Man fuck that, she will be just fine, I’m not about to keep catering to her bullshit every time she gets in one her moods.” He said ordering another round of drinks.

  “You not gone learn until that girl murder yo ass but its your shot.” I said picking up my pool cue.

  The night went on and we cut the drinks off because Alton looked drunk as hell and Ron was getting there. I had an extra room at my house, but I wasn’t to sure about letting either one of them sleep over. Ron wasn’t going to stay any way if push came to shove, he was going to call his girl to come get him and I take his car home, but Alton I knew nothing about so that was a definite no on his part.

  “If this bitch sends me one more text, I’ma go over there and throw her phone in the middle of the street.” Ron said showing me all the text messages between him and her. I scrolled up reading the messages, but I went to far up and saw some pictures they sent each other. Let’s just say I see why she so paranoid because Ron had some serious meat down there.

  “Umm…... just drop me off at the house and you go be with your girl bruh.” I said reluctantly giving him his phone back.

  “I’m not ready to go and if you don’t wanna leave right now I can bring you home and let this nigga go get his shit together.” Alton said catching me off guard.

  “Jaye don’t like people knowing where he stays so we can just do this some other time.” Ron said drinking the last of his drink.

  “Nah it’s cool bruh, you go take care of that and call me later.” I said dapping him up.

  Ron left us at the Café while he went to go make sure his girl was good, no matter what I did I couldn’t shake the image of his dick out my head. It was the prettiest dick I had seen in a very long time, I know I shouldn’t have kept thinking about it, but I couldn’t help it.

  “You ready to go.” Alton said bringing me out of my thoughts.

  “Umm yea…... but can you drive because I don’t wanna spend the rest of my night laid up in a hospital room.” I said laughing.

  “Yea I got you, I aint that messed up.” He said laughing.

  We left out and made it to my house in one piece, I thought about it and there was no way I was going to let this dude drive home drunk. I told him that he could crash on the couch and leave in the morning when he woke up. I went into my room to get him an extra cover and some shorts to sleep in, when I went back into the living room this nigga had kicked off his shoes and was laying on the couch watching tv.

  “I got you a cover and some shorts to sleep in, there is food and drinks in the fridge as well, just don’t touch my cokes.” I said placing the stuff on the couch.

  “Or you can go get comfortable as well and pour us some more drinks, I know you got liquor in here.” He said smirking, against my better judgement I went and threw on some night clothes and walked back into the living room. He had changed into the shorts I gave him, but he didn’t have a shirt on, his body was on point and I was stuck in one spot staring at him. “What you looking at nigga?” he said laughing, I hung my down in embarrassment and walked into the kitchen. I poured us some drinks and walked in the living room.

  “Umm you need a shirt to put on?” I asked after handing him his drink.

  “Nah, I don’t like sleeping in shirts I feel like I’m being suffocated.” He said laughing.

  We started drinking and watching tv for a while, I looked at the time and it was now 3 in the morning. I stood up and staggered a lil bit from the drinks I consumed. I shook off the feelings, looked at his body one last time and started to walk to my room before he stopped me.

  “If you wanna look you don’t have sneak just look.” He said smiling. I was taken back by his comment, it caught me off guard to the point where I ran right into the wall.

  “You aint all that nigga but goodnight I’m going to bed.”

  “I guess weakling.” He said laughing.

  “Unlike you, I didn’t get much rest last night or when I got off so excuse me if I’m tired, now go to bed before I punch you in the face.” I said laughing.

  “Don’t get fucked up, but I hear ya take yo tired ass to bed.” I didn’t bother saying nothing back I just went to my room and laid across my bed.

  The thoughts of Ron’s dick flashed back to my mind as well as the comment that Alton made. Maybe I was drunk and overthinking things, but it sounded like he was flirting with me. the more I thought about it the more I had to find out what he meant by that comment. I got up and walked back into the living room where he was still finishing off the last of his drink.

  “What did you mean by the comment you made a few minutes ago?” I asked him standing in the door way.

  “Man, what yo drunk ass talking about?” He said laughing.

  “About me staring at your body.”

  “Oh, I meant that I noticed you staring at me a few times but when you saw me you tried to act like you wasn’t, so I said that if you wanted to look at me then just do it.” He said still laughing.

  “Whatever, I look at what I want and who I want so what’s it to you?”

  “It’s nothing to me, but I thought you was going to bed?”

  “I am why you wanna join me?” I said and almost slapped the hell out myself for saying that shit.

  “You probably would like that wouldn’t you?” He said laughing.

  “Whatever, goodnight Alton.” I said walking back to my room.

  I turned on my tv and laid under the covers, I couldn’t believe that I actually said that stupid shit to this dude. He didn’t go off on me but still I never said nothing like that to a straight guy before so that alone made me feel dumb as hell. I closed my eyes and began to fall asleep, a few seconds afterwards I heard my door open. When I opened my eyes, Alton was walking towards me, he didn’t say anything, he just walked to my bed and climbed in. before I could ask him what the hell he was doing he pressed his lips to mine and all rationality went out the window. Was this really happening? What am I thinking right now? How would this affect us at work? All these things went thru my mind, but my body had another mind of it’s on.

©unique creations 2018

[g3nnny]

The Boys I’ve Kissed

Boy #1: For the first time, I felt popular (shallow I know). But I did. I felt like people knew I existed because I was “your girl”. You were the sweetest and you made me nervous.. not because I had deep feelings for you, but because I knew you did and I didn’t want you to stop. I remember you texted me through my Verizon flip phone to come out and meet you outside of my class. I did and we were alone in the hall and you were telling me about the little field trip you went to because you did really really good on your state assessment test. It was there when you gave me a look. You looked around and then gave me a look again. And you said, “Can we kiss here?” My heart was beating so fast. I was nervous and excited. And I said, “Are you sure?” And you leaned in and said, “yeah”. I said okay and I had my very first kiss right there. Right there by the lockers outside of my English class. We pulled away and I was so “blushy”. That was definitely the highlight of my day. And that kiss, ohhh that kiss was... funny. I opened my eyes mid-kiss and your eyes were closed. Lol, you looked funny but I was trying to take at the moment that I was having my very first kiss at that exact moment. After we kissed, I went back to class and you left with the biggest smile on your face, which I thought was so sweet. You were always so sweet to me. I remember you made it known during P.E. that I was your girl.  I loved that. You walked me to my bus and hopped on and got off my stop and you would walk all the way back to school. You sit with me and my friends during lunch and I remember people looking at us at the lunch line because WE were a thing. You broke up with your girlfriend for a girl like me. People accepted me because I was with you. You wanted to spend every second of the day with me and I had never experienced anything like that before. I was 12 years old and it was with you when I started to build my foundation, my definition, my meaning to what love and infatuation is. 

Thank you, M

Boy #2: You are... you will always be my soulmate. The person I know will love me forever unconditionally. I know this because you have up to this point. We’ve been through so much over the last 8 years. You’ve been my wise friend, my lover, my teacher, and my rock. Losing you would be the hardest things in the world. I know I could not live a happy life without you being in it somehow. It’s crazy how I still remember the first time I saw you the first day of 7th grade. You were the so... cool. I don’t know how else to put it. I looked at you and I felt an instant connection. But you hadn’t noticed me, or at least not yet. You walked through my aisle in class towards the front of the class with your best friend behind you. I thought you both were the coolest. Funny how I felt an instant connection with the both of yall. But I wanted you. I got you. Then I left you. I left you for your best friend. You didn’t deserve that. But you accepted it and stayed in my life because you thought that losing me as a person was much worse than losing me as a partner. It was at the back table in class, the lights were off, and you were literally the only boy I saw in the room. We leaned in.. it was slow, it was the most beautiful first kiss with you. I hope you never forget your first kiss because even tho it wasn’t mine, I felt like it was. After all these years, you have stood by my side even after hurting you on several occasions. You’ve shown me what true love looks like. You’ve shown me true friendship. You’ll always be the person I turn to. The person I will always love as a soulmate and a friend. It was you who taught me that true love takes patience and understanding.

Thank you, B

Boy #3: My first love. The one who broke me but could build me up in seconds. You were the boy who I use to wish was the one. I wanted you to love me how I love you. I dwelled on that and tried to pursue that desire for as long as I can remember. You were all I wanted. No one else up could compare to you. Why? Because my brain mixed up love into infatuation and obsession. I wish my first love was someone who I actually spent time with, laughed with, held hands with, and do cute things with. I think the reason why I was so heartbroken by you was that you were too good for me and I knew that and I think you did too... and I didn't want you to be “too good” for me. I wanted to be enough. But I wasn’t and that broke me every time for 5 years. Because regardless of who I kissed and who I’ve had a small crush on during that time, it was you who I wanted the most at the end of the day. I had you.. but I never really did. I remember you were walking behind your best friend and I looked at you and I told myself: “I’m going to make something happen between me and that boy”. And it did, but it broke me into a million pieces. I remember the first time we kissed. It was in May 2013 when the sun was shining so bright. We were in a conference room and we just leaned in and we kissed... for a while. My heart was beating so fast. I wanted to impress you and leave you somewhat starstruck. But I don’t know if I did. You weren’t very good, but I didn’t care because at that moment I was happy you were mine for even a minute. I never loved someone like I’ve loved you. Regardless if it was real love or not, I had never felt so much love for a person like I did for you, never. Now, it’s hard to love someone. It’s hard to want commitment. But that’s something I need to fix myself rather than blame it on someone. It was you who taught me to choose wisely who I give my love to.

Thank you, S

Boy #4: You were my first summer fling. This fling brought problems upon my family. This fling sparked up a flame in my family that ended up in a massive fire. It wasn’t your fault, it was mine. I wanted the fling because I wanted a summer love type of summer and I wanted to get boy #3 out of my head. I wanted to feel like I was getting back at him... I wasn’t.. it backfired. But I remember you the second shift of my first job. You seemed cool but mysterious. I liked that. Shifts later, you were going to clock in back to work after we ate lunch together and next thing I knew, you stole a kiss. I liked it. But I was confused about why you did it at that moment. I didn't ask questions and later on, we actually talked about our past relationships and you opened up to me. You were vulnerable. But summer was ending and so was the fling. It was you who taught me that flings are beautiful stories that you can think back on as adventurous experiences.

Thank you, R

Boy #5: You were my “summer after high school” fling. Prior to summer, you took me to prom and I had so much fun and I was so happy. I had you as my date and it was great. I was genuinely happy. I remember when I first saw you at the movie theatre with Cj as Raven and I were walking towards you boys. I thought you were so handsome. I was nervous but being set up wasn’t too bad. We got along and every day after that, we talked and saw each other as much as we could. I remember our first kiss at the park next to my high school. We took a walk, and you told me to stop and prior to that we were goofing around about kissing and you stopped me and you kissed me. You kissed me. And I loved it. I was so happy. You made me very happy not because of what you would do, but because of how you made me feel. I did really like you. But I knew you weren't the one for me. We played with fire that summer. We did everything but nothing at all. From late nights, dinner dates, to parked car conversations. We had fun. Too much fun. Whenever I was with you, I was happy you were mine. When you left, I missed you. I missed what we had. But the summer was over. College life for the both of us was about to start and we both knew we couldn’t cling to something that is never going to happen again. It was you who had my heart that summer. Every time I look back, I smile. But it was you who taught me that you can miss something but never want it back. 

Thank you, G

Boy #6: You were good at making it seem like I was the one you were really into. You were good at making it seem like I was the only one that understood you. You were the biggest hopeless romantic I’ve never met. I think that’s what drew me to you even more. I remember it was a warm summer night in August. We were at the pool when I really saw for the first time. Judy called your name and you turned your head towards our direction and then that’s when it happened..”the look”.  You gave me a look from across the pool and we locked eyes and then I looked away because I felt weird haha. But I quickly looked back and you were still looking at me and I smiled. You walked towards us and Judy started talking to you and then introduced me and that was the beginning of something so frustrating but sweet. You wrote me a song, we had long walked at night around campus, we would be lame and email each other during class, and you would buy me candy haha. You would always play the piano and sing to me. I loved that about you. There was one particular day that you shared your deepest secrets with me and I cried. I cried because I couldn’t believe how much you’ve been through. That night we got very close. I hugged you and said I would be there for you.. as a friend. I was aware that Judy, my close friend, was into you and I couldn’t do that to her. But when you confessed how you felt about me, I realized that I felt the same. Our first kiss was more like something in a movie which would be very typical for people like us; such hopeless romantics. We were at the school auditorium and there was a piano in the middle of the stage with a light shining directly towards it. You started playing different songs while I sat in one of the auditorium seats; acting as the audience. Then you played the song you wrote me and you looked at me and smiled and I smiled back. I knew the lyrics to the song and I sang along. I sat next to you by the piano as you played and we were both singing together and it was the most magical feeling. Then suddenly you stopped and I stood up and I hugged you and you kissed my forehead. We decided to sit by the stairs the lead us to the auditorium seating and we cuddled up and one thing lead to another. I kissed your face and I said “win” and then you kissed my face so gently and you grabbed my face and kissed my lips so gently and you said, “I win”. I was happy and I knew we were going to have our first kiss that night. But I learned a lot from crushing on you. We kissed other times after that but it was you who taught me that I have so much value and that I do deserve more and to never settle for less. Dec 2016

Thank you, A

Boy #7: Now you. Every piece of my heart told me not to give it a chance. I felt like I knew the kind of person you were and I was willing to go for it because I knew there was no way I would be able to get hurt by you. But I did get hurt by you because you were an actual jerk. There’s a difference between someone who hurts your emotions and heart. But you just hurt my feelings because you were just rude. I didn’t tolerate that. I’m not going to be looking stupid over a guy that any girl can have if she hits him up. Nah, I’m good, next. I might seem cold, but you just don’t know where the line was drawn. There’s the truth behind each joke. That’s the problem. But at the end of it, I know you’re a guy and you have to mature to do, just like myself. You’re actually very soft and you just wanted love but you just never learned how to make love stay. You cope in a way that isn’t healthy and I honestly never saw happiness in your eyes. I could see that. But it was you who taught me that it’s okay to walk away when someone isn’t treating you how they should. With you, you made me feel not good enough, and the feeling reminded me a lot of how boy #3 use to make me. And I swore to myself that I was never going to have a guy make me feel that way again. It was you who taught me that not everyone deserves a second chance, especially when they make you feel small. Mar/Apr 2017

Thank you, I

Boy #8: You were my worst mistake. I don’t know what I was thinking. It was just you and me going to Arkansas for summer camp. It was an 8-hour drive. We started talking about our lives, then our personal lives, and lastly our intimate lives. You had wandering eyes and sticky hands. You asked me about my intimate life and I asked you about yours… and your girlfriend’s. I asked because I began to trust you and I was looking for advice to stay safe or to just to learn something new. I was asking the wrong person. You also told me that typically, “whatever happens at camp, stays at camp”. Then you began to say to things like, “I feel like something is going to happen between me and you.” and “you look like a good kisser”. Then you decided to put me to the test. You asked for a kiss. And I didn’t know what to say.. We parked by the side of the gas station and you got close to me, and I said sure. Why? I don’t know. I knew it was a bad idea. It didn’t feel right. We kissed for about 8 minutes. I didn’t know what to think afterward but you said: “it’s funny how I don’t feel bad”. When deep inside I felt like literal shit. I went to sleep for the rest of the way. We said this was only going to stay in between us. It didn’t. It was you who taught me that being the other women for an even a second is the most degrading feeling in this whole world. You taught me that my value is worth a lot more than then just shit.. like being the other women. Never again. Never. Again. May 2017

Sincerely, D

Boy# 9: I’m sorry but I don’t even know why we had a thing. I don’t know why. I’m sorry, I admit. I led you on because maybe I was bored and you were actually kinda cool to talk to. But honestly, I wasn’t for you. And you weren’t for me. The day prior to when we first kissed was nice. We were in your car from 4:30 pm to 7 am. We talked about everything. It was nice. I got along with you and it was fun. We didn’t kiss.. that whole time. We didn’t kiss..not even once. Then the next day, we were out again. From 10pm to 6am. That second time, we did kiss. We were in the back seat and you leaned in and our lips were so close to touching. I refused to be the one who kissed first. So you took the initiative and kissed me first. We kissed for a while. I didn’t know how to feel about it. I saw you as another number. You don’t deserve that. Besides all of the booty pics you like on twitter, I know you’re looking for something real and I just can’t be that for you. I’m sorry if you thought that you played me, but it was me who knew I didn’t want this from the start. It was me who knew that this was never going to become a relationship. I got to see your heart or at least a piece of it. The summer camp I thought about you a lot because I know I had led you on. I saw myself in you and I wrote you a letter that summer. A letter I was hoping you would/wouldn't read. I read it to you the day after Christmas. I read it because you had to know and you understood. You taught me that playing with someone is just as miserable as being played. You taught me that even though I got away with, it in my mind I didn’t. You taught me that I should be careful before I hurt someone I could one day potentially love. May 2017

Thank you, A

Boy #10: The church drummer, the quiet mysterious one, and the one with the hair. That’s how I remember you when I first met you... or saw you. I thought you were the cutest guy at church and making eye contact with you made me nervous. I saw you for the first time around summer/fall 2015. You didn’t notice me yet until I became friends with a girl you knew and she asked me to sing. This was my senior year and I was dating Boy #5. I went to practice and when I walked in, you noticed me and I could tell by the look on your face. That day you added me on facebook and you messaged me and thanked me for singing. A few days later, you added me on Instagram and liked some of my pictures haha. I did the same because I thought you were cute. So you messaged me and invited me to a church event and I went. You didn’t really talk to me haha you were probably shy or I don’t know haha. I didn’t really try for you because I was with Boy #5 but I knew me and Boy# 5 were going to break up so I saw you as an option. I left for college and I could tell you were sad. But I came back the following year and I was here to stay. That’s when we began to talk and we went on dates and it was fun. One particular date, I think it was the second date, we went to go see the city lights up by the houses on the hills and we parked in your nice car in front of the house that had the most beautiful city light view. Our first kiss was so sweet and I knew you wanted to kiss me. It was in November, mid-November of 2017. I could tell you felt like you made to man up and just kiss me. I was in the passenger seat and you were in the driver's seat. You asked me what I was thinking about and I said something about the view and then I asked you and you said “I’m thinking about kissing you” and I said you should. So you hopped up from your seat and kissed me without hesitation. I loved that. You kissed me so intensely and passionately. It was kind of cute. I got to know you a little more and I started to notice that we were compatible and I decided to stop what we had. Your future, your goals, your outlook in life, and your personality wasn’t similar to mine and that’s what pushed me anyway from you. You taught me that it’s okay to walk away from someone you don’t see yourself with. You taught me that it’s important to look for someone who has a similar life/future vision as I do. You taught me to put my future on top of my priority list. Oct 2017

Thank you, B

Boy #11: I’m sorry. If I had a list of heartbreaks, you would definitely on it. We met at a party in July 2018. We met through a friend and we shook hands. Later on, you saw me sitting alone and I was just listening on to my friend talk to this guy he met at the party. You came up to me and sat next to me. We bonded over music. Indie pop. You started to flirt with me and I had to pretend I didn’t like it. But I’m a girl, I love attention. You asked me why I never had a boyfriend (information you received from our mutual friend). And I had to go along with the lie and I said because I haven’t found anyone worth it. You took that as a challenge. You asked to kiss me twice that night, and I said no. (good girl). You asked for my number and I gave it to you. After facetime calls and texts, we went on a date. We went to Starbucks but they were closed so then we went to cold stone and we talked for a long time. But it wasn’t until the second date when we first kissed. We got some takeout from panda express and we ate in my car and talked for a long time again and that’s when you asked to kiss me. Prior to that, we were talking about how good of a kisser we were both were and you decided to put it to the test by asking to kiss me. I accepted. It was probably one of the best first kisses I’ve had. It was soft and somewhat passionate. You used your hands by pulling me closer by the neck/head. After that date, we went on several other days and we eventually started dating. I would hide you. You didn’t deserve that. I didn't want it to be known that I was with someone at least someone like you.. as messed up as that may sound, in the back of my head it was true. We only last 2 months because I couldn’t live in a lie. I didn’t like you enough to be in a relationship with you. And one day, I just couldn’t fake it anymore and I broke up with you. You were an amazing partner, but just not for me. When I decided to break things off, I was at your house and I was crying because I knew I was hurting you. I gave you your ring back, but when I did, I looked away, crying my eyes out, and I backup from your driveway and I drove home..crying. My heart was broken because I saw myself in you. Giving everything to someone and still not being enough.. I was that person once and I had realized that I had become so hurt by being in that position that now I was the one causing that hurt to someone else. That idea broke me to pieces because no one deserves that. You taught me who I slowly was becoming. I was becoming the person who hurt me and broke me to pieces. You also taught me that it’s okay to walk away when I’m not ready and to not walk into something when I know I’m not ready. Jul 2018

Thank you, J

Boy #12: Dude, I like to hate you lol but it’s not your fault. It’s all me. And some you. I met you in my federal government class at my community college. You were across the classroom and I noticed you but you were just there. One day we were walking outside and my table talked to you and your friend and asked if yall wanted to be part of the study group and you guys said yes. We all got each other's numbers. After the semester ended, I don’t know if it was December 2017 or January 2018 when you added me on snapchat but you did and you never messaged me until you followed me on Instagram. You told me that you’ve been wanting to talk to me for a while now. I loved how you sent a long message. I thought it was sweet. So we kept talking and it was great and we went on a small date to orange leaf and then the next day you texted me and then I texted back and with a question and then you just.. ghosted me.. I had never had that happen to me. I was confused and upset. Then in December, you messaged me again on snapchat and then I left you on reading. I felt good about it. But I still wanted more. So I got...bold.. I guess. I messaged you after face timing Boy #11 and he gave me the courage to message you and I did. We texted for hours.. until 4:30 am. We agree on something platonic. Something like “no strings attached”. So we met up on December 27 and we did exactly what two young people do with no strings attached. But not all the way. I asked if we should get our first kiss out of the way and of course, you agreed. You went in on it full force. It wasn’t slow, you went in fast. Straight up the tongue. I was surprised and you were just horny.. I guess that’s why we were both there..but  I felt like I actually liked you. I thought you did too... after that meet up you texted me that you missed me which was normal I guess.. and then you texted me throughout the day and then you texted me on my birthday and then after that, you didn't anymore. I texted you first... I DID IT.. which I hate texting guys first...but I texted you 3 days later and you responded.. but it was just different.. like you regretted it.. and might I should’ve too... In that moment, I felt like I reached rock bottom in the aspect of my own self-respect. I felt like a hoe. That was a hoe move. I didn’t feel like myself. I was sad because days later I realized what I did. I feel bad and I still do. This just happened like a week and a half ago. So yeah I still feel a little shit from that. Maybe after I get over it, I will realize that I learned from you. Dec 2019

Best regards, J

Boy #13: I met you at the club and I don't know why I wanted you. But I did. My friend called you over and we danced and kissed and we were making out. Our kiss was something to remember. We were dance close and I looked up at you and I saw your eyes under the red and white lights that were dancing around in the club and we just kissed. We sat down and kissed more. I know I would’ve taken you home but my friends love me enough to not let me do that. I got your number tho but my friends told me to just leave and to ditch you and I did. You called me again that night I answered the first time but the second I didn't because of my friends thought you weren't worth it. So, thank you for that birthday makeout. It was memorable and I’ll probably never see you again. You taught me how to have a little fun to be okay with it. Also, I was drunk so that’s also my excuse haha. Dec 2018

Thank you, C

Boy #14: Our first kiss was on Sunday night at a bar. We were the only ones dancing, looking like complete fools. I loved how you joined me and you didn’t tell me to sit down like an asshole. We were dancing close and I sat down because I was tired and you grab my face and looked at me and you kissed me. I pulled away and I looked at you and I kissed you back. That night we went in too deep but something blossomed and I think you knew it too. We’ve been going out often, doing absolutely everything. And it wasn’t until Saturday you told me how you felt about me. You’re gonna have to take your time with me but just know that for you, I think I would put my guards down and let you in. Just give me my time to do so. Boy #14, our story is only about to begin...... Jan 2019

Thank you, T

Boy #15: You were a dream. omggg you’re from PARIS, FRANCE! you were so hot. SO. FRICKIN. HOT. Haha well, it all started at Hotel Disco which is one of the best clubs in San Antonio. I was dancing with my best friend and your friend C approached us. He was hot too and he was from Spain. My best friend and I pretended to be lesbians. It was supposed to be a harmless joke but yall believed it. I guess we faked it pretty well haha. Well, C introduced us to your other hot friends. We all danced and I started to dance on you and it was just so fun because then my best friend started dancing on me and we formed a little train. It was really fun haha. Then yall invited us to your apartment for an after party. We went and we were all flirting with each other haha. Everyone was 6 or 7 drinks in and everyone was so attractive. I started flirting hardcore with you. I said that I thought your glasses looked so hot on you. They really did. You had a beard, nice as ass soccer boy hair cut and some sexy ass glasses. You were a snack. So someone turned off the lights, put some good music, and the only light what was on was the computer light. You took my hand and lead me towards the snack bar and grabbed my head and pulled me in for a kiss. We just kept kissing. And I was honestly so drunk. I was previously drinking a four loko but I knew I really wanted you regardless if I was drunk or not. Boy #15 you were a literal dream. I met you for the first time that night and in the morning when I woke up next to you, that was the last time I ever saw you. You were still asleep when me and my best friend left yalls apartment. I remember we ran to my car right after closing yalls apartment front door shut because we couldn’t believe what had happened that night. Boy#15 you were the most craziness thing that had happened to me. There’s not much to thank but thank you for allowing me to cuddle with you after everything happened. I thought that was pretty sweet. Sometimes I think if I would ever see you again. Like at a club or a bar in San Antonio. I honestly hope so. You were a lot of fun. But I don’t think you’d remember me. Thanks for that night Boy #15. Mar 2019

Thank you, R

Boy #16: This is a long one. Interesting one too. We worked at Skechers together. You told me that when you saw me you were in awe. I think things like that made me like you. Everyone likes the feeling of something being in awe with them. You seemed to be very interested and persistent. Idk why I liked that. I guess I interpreted that as effort. But it was too much. I told you I was going to hurt you but you stayed. That morning after being drunk, I stayed at your apartment but I stayed in the living room and you stayed in your room. I loved the respect. You told me to go in your room bc you wanted to talk. I ended up laying down next to you. I let the idea of you liking me so much get the best of me. Like, I knew you were so into me and I wanted to make you happy by making you feel like you can get me but deep down I always knew I didn’t want it to be you. That’s why I told you I was going to hurt you because I knew from the beginning you weren’t it for me. I’m sorry for that. But that morning we kissed on your air mattress. 

Thank you, V

Boy #17:

Thank you, twin 

Boy#18: 

Thank you, T

Boy #19:

Thank you, DT

Boy #20:

Thank you, J

Boy #21: 

Thank you, A

Boy# 22: 

Thank you, F

Boy #23:

Thank you, J

Boy # 24: 

Thank you, B

Boy #25:

Thank you, S

Boy #26: 

Thank you, M

Boy #27: 

Thank you, J

Boy #28: 

Thank you, J

Boy #29:

Thank you,

[aishalee]

This introduction thingy was loosely inspiried by @cutecinnamonrolls intro.

♡Introduction♡

Warning:Angsty shit

Aight so I started this blog thingy to just be a place for me to express my emotions ig, its hard to explain. But I'm basically just looking for a place to vent about my frustrations and worries without having to worry about people actually knowing me irl.

The more important parts are colored . Oh and there are also some things that are gonna be confusing so I'll have clarifications on the bottom. To indicate that I'll explain further on that thing there will be small numbers m on the side of them.

So here we go;

My name's Aisha,

I go by the pronouns She/Her.⁴

I am a minor¹,

And an a aquarius.

I am bisexual.(Edited)

I like anime.

And I hate spicy food.

I am also Agnostic(?)²

I'm open to meeting new people so just message me ig or however that works here in tumblr.

You can expect to see some pretty depressing and sad shit on my blog so if you don't like that just avoid my page.

I'll just have a warning thingy if things are getting a bit too emotional.

Also expect really bad punctuation and grammar bcz I have a hard time typing and explaining my feelings,

And also bcz english isn't my first language.

Why did I choose to do this you ask?

I don't know really...

I just I just feel like everything is gonna burst if I don't do or say anything.

I'm sick and tired of keeping it together and putting up a character infront of my parents.

I can't even tell my friends about it because I don't have any³

And for the things that I share on here that are really deep and sad and shit, I'll delete in a day or 2.

I'm probably a dumbass for choosing to vent my frustrations out on the internet but then again if i don't I'm probably gonna relapse onto my depressed state again

And I'm desperately trying to get better and as best as I can without the help of other people.

♡Clarifications♡

1. I'm choosing not to say my age bcz I just don't want to. Thats it really

2. I have a question mark on the end bcz my whole family's christain and I'm not. So when I'm with my family I have to pretend to enjoy going to church and 'praising the word of god'. With that being said I hope to not see any 'praise the lord allmighty', 'god bless you' or 'Love thy neighbor' shit.

3. I'm not including my relatives bcz again, they are christians and if they tell my parents about it they are most probably gonna send me to converison therapy.

4. Aight so this used to be only she/her but that changed cuz now I'm genderfluid lol. 1 year later Edit: And it has changed back to she/her I wont elaborate, just ask ya'll to respect it.

Anyways thats it basically. I'm feeling really tired rn so this was kinda shorter than I hoped it would be. I'm probably gonna change it tomorrow(key word probably), anyways good night and,

See yall later bitćhes

Edit:Omfg hi this is me like 4 or 5 months later I don't know what I was thinking when I did this but anyways a few things have changed since I wrote this so I edited it a little.

1 year later edit: uhmm hi hello. It has been a year.. I'm now year older and shit has changed. Like my mentality and sexuality. So il probs update it. Oh and a little life thingy I realized was that shit happens and that shit changes. I am not the same person I was a year ago. But that dosent mean I'm not myself and stuff. Like I'm still agnostic, still part of the lgbtq(I'll bet not as a pan person cuz its really hard to explain when they ask so I just settled on saying I was bi to make it easier on myself) still depressed(though not as much, I've learned how to deal with my mental problems and shit) I still hate spicy food. And the list goes on. But things have still changed, like how I'm not genderfluid anymore(I've settled on being identifying as a girl cuz its just all that easier for me, personally. My pronouns are just she/her again, now. Just saves me less stress and pain over myself. But who knows, things might change again for me) I have people I can call friends now(Even if they're just one) and little things like my hairs grown long again, my acne has gotten better and the weight I've been loosing. Anyways, I'll see you on the flip side. Byebye.

[blazinginbus1]

Hello Emily!!! I was just wondering what’s your opinion on Cheryl🤔

Well hello, my lovely! That sounds like a mighty controversial question to ask, lol. But, I mean, I obviously have to preface this by saying my opinion is just that; an opinion. And it may not be as glowing an opinion as some may have of her, but that’s fine. Those people that love her can love her relentlessly, as much as I could not. So, don’t take my opinion as gospel. Please. But be warned; It’s probably not gonna be all positive, if I’m being honest. So, read on at your own choosing.

Anywho, to answer your question; I don’t really care much one way or another about her? I think like most of us, i hadn’t known of her much until the last few (5-7) years. Although I probably grew up during her musical hey days, her music (group nor solo-wise) hadn’t really reached much of the US, much less to my musical airwaves. So, musically, I suppose I’m indifferent? I think, in terms of her musicality, she’s a much stronger dancer/performer than ‘singer’. Her type of artistry, from what I’ve accumulated from videos and such, is a little predated to an earlier 2000′s feel, where stage theatrics took presence over vocals. I’m not saying she cant sing; I’m simply saying *I* see her tactic and drive as an artist is to ‘put on a show’ with a heavy presence of dancing rather than sing solely with the drive being vocal. She’s alright, and I hope she navigates her musical career how she wants to, fulfillingly. BUT….I’m not particularly all that intrigued in her music myself.

Regarding her with Liam, which is why I assume you asked me my opinion on her to begin with, isn’t the most stellar. I’m just gonna be honest with yall; I’m not keen. So, if we’re looking for some Cherliam on my blog, you probably wont find much. Sorry, lol. I just get a rather odd feeling regarding them. Which means NOTHING in the grand scheme of things, because honestly? I’m sure they could care less about my opinion; they’re still living their lives, together, how they choose so. Bear sound like a sweet boy, and is loved by his parents. So that’s all I can ask for with them. Other than that, I’m not personally a fan of them together. And I’m sure we’ve all heard one reason or another why. But that’s all just a matter of opinion and how we view relationships, I guess. I mean…I don’t much care for Zigi either. So…don’t take it personally. I just don’t vibe with it.

However, i will say I haven’t been introduced the best impression of Cheryl. I don’t share this follwing stuff because I have some personal, mean girl vendetta against her, but…Some of the things I’ve seen regarding her aren’t…the best. And full disclosure: Yes, I know we all have spotty pasts where we didn’t exhibit the best judgement. Is Cheryl allowed to grow as a person? Yes. And I have no interest in going out of my way to hurt or attack her directly; I don’t care enough about her to. BUT, I had a conversation with a friend who was a bit disturbed to hear about issues she was involved with in her past. And yes, i think we all know what one of those topics is…

I think it is fully fair to acknowledge that some of the things she’s done in the past are unacceptable, or not condonable, at the least. And if people find personal disapproval or problems with things she’s done, that’s fully understandable, and needs to be respected. I know this could get me into trouble with her diehard fans, but if someone is disturbed by her past of physical aggression, i think that’s very justifiable to understand and acknowledge that some people do not like what she’s done, simply put. I think we’ve all heard of the bathroom attendant story. And yes, full disclosure; it’s in the past and I’m sure (hoping) she’s definitely learned her lesson not to get drunk off her ass like that again. Additionally, I know that situation in particular is a very big, divisive one that people either strongly defend, or strongly argue against. I cant say I know what’s certain regarding that altercation, but all I can say is that the photo of the victim of the assault is….bad. Fair warning: the photo could be graphic for some.

Although Chez claimed she ‘hit back in self-defense’, the injuries claimed to be sustained by the victim look a little bit more than just ‘defensive’, considering there was hardly a scratch on Cheryl. There’s no way around disputing that. You can see it for yourself. Furthermore, she said in her book that,

I don’t know what about THAT is ‘scot-free‘, but I digress. Regardless of the little details here or there about their differing stories, being seeing as ‘not guilty’ doesn’t mean ‘innocent’. This is one altercation that is used against her a lot. And yes, some use it in the wrong way as ammunition to fuel arguments about why they personally ‘hate’ Cheryl, but others simply feel it’s important to discuss, because it’s not the first or last time she had been aggressive with someone. She’s also admitted HERSELF that she’s been physical towards ex-partners too. She claims that she was raised to ‘stand up for herself’, and that her brothers taught her to fight, essentially. And I would fully agree with that being a reasonable means of action to physically protect yourself. But when it comes to the situations that occurred with her past partners, it didn’t seem to be of self-defense, in my personal opinion, but rather an irrational impulse.

While I DO agree her ex-partners are utter shitbags and she had reasons to be upset, I don’t personally believe it’s okay to lay hands on ANYONE; unless you are being physically assaulted against your will initially, then I fully understand and support self-defense. But that’s seemingly not the case regarding these situations. She describes an ex-boyfriend as being a severe drug abuser. As I said before, I’m not saying her ex-boyfriends are saints and without issue; I personally wouldn’t accept my partner abusing hard drugs either. But something about how casually she explains physically hitting him out of anger is…unsettling.

She later on had a big scandal involving her ex-husband, as I’m sure some already know. Again, a cheating husband is absolutely trash, and disgusting. So I feel no emotional sympathy for him when it comes to his decision to cheat. And on an emotional level, I really do feel for her regarding that. But I really and truly cannot tell you guys I condone physical violence, especially in regards to relationships. At that moment, she made a really bad decision to lash out how she did. And i haven’t a clue why she would publish this information, cause it certainly doesn’t paint her in a *good* light?

Now, whatever opinion you may have about relationship issues, that’s your opinion, and that’s fine. But I cant lie to you guys and say I’m okay with one person doing this to their partner. Doesn’t matter who that partner is, or whether it’s a girl to a guy, a guy to a girl, or anything in between. It’s not acceptable to me, and I hope you guys can understand why some people can be extremely upset about stuff like this regarding Cheryl. This isn’t meant to be a rallying cry to bash Cheryl, no. I was asked how I felt about her, and I was gonna be honest to include things that upset me, and others, about her. It’s okay for Cheryl fans to admit her faults, and its okay for non-fans to admit she has made mistakes in her past that she can, and probably has, learned from. That was the sole purpose bringing up those talking points.

I'm sorry this went on a slight bit of a tangent, and that it may not have been as passive and positive as some may have expected me to answer, but...It’s honest, and my opinion. I'm sure there are some great qualities about Cheryl; she can be wonderfully charitable and that is one thing I can say is admirable about her. I like that. And I hope she continues to do good, philanthropic work. She’s obviously a gorgeous woman, with friends and family that love her, and fans who adore and support her. That’s wonderful, really. Though she may not be a person I'm incredibly fond of, I do still wish her well. I hope she continues to grow from her mistakes, and that she leads a more wholesome life. Whatever criticism was said about her is only meant to show that we’re not without flaws. And I absolutely understand friends and followers who may not appreciate some of the bad things she’s done in the past. As for her life now, she leads a much better one that is better to se. I'm sorry if this wasn't the best response to your question, but I hope it was okay. If someone disagrees with me about anything written, that’s fine, and I respect your opinion completely. But i have no interest in having discourse back and forth, so...I've said my peace, and keeping it at that. I appreciate your ask, darling. Thank You! :)

[dramarising-replacement]

guys pls

my salt wasn’t even towards the artist for being new, it was towards staff for rt'ing shit art by an obvious newbie (which is about as petty as it gets, but hey welcome 2 drama rising)

1 nothin wrong with it at all, i was just sayin the only reason the colors used in the pic worked together is bc the artist themselves didn’t choose them

2 cant namedrop but their pic isn’t too far down on the fr twitter

3 “cutesy style” lol not knowing how to draw isn’t a style fam (the reason i picked it apart is bc yall were saying oh its not bad!! its great!! & also cuz i love critiquing to a fault) and even if it was, “cutesy” does not equal “free pass to suck”

4 bless you for being so supportive but dont tell the artist that without at least helpfully mentioning where they need to improve, lest they fall into the echo chamber hugbox nightmare zone (my biggest problem with cosseting inexperienced artists)

5 imagine you studied and practiced for years and then your piece you spent hours on got ignored bc staff liked a shitty mistake-ridden doodle by a total beginner better (disclaimer: i didnt submit anything to fan art friday but if i had and THAT got picked over it i probably wouldve punched a hole through my tablet)

6 yeah theyve actually got some good talent/intuition/whatever in some aspects but does that make up for all the objective shite? imo no, not enough to share an even platform with the actual beautifully rendered fanart that the fr twitter also showcases. it’s like if an art sharing site put a public spotlight on a sonic recolor oc or something. kinda insulting to the high-effort hq art that it’s being put on the same level as

tl;dr dont coddle people and wow this exploded out of proportion my bad

[regulusarcblack]

ANNUAL WRITING SELF-EVALUATION

*All answers should be about works published in 2017.

steph @twoghostsacoustic tagged me so let’s fucking go fuckos

1. List of works published this year:

let’s be honest here and admit that steph was the one to write M&W all by her damn self HAHAHAHAH it’s our baby but i’m like the cool father who only pops by every weekend to fuck up the kid’s personality and all the hard work is steph’s own doing (same applies to love is on the radio)

anyway moving on

i’ve written everything i’ve ever tried in my life this goddamn year so congrats 2017 you played yourself

first: PWPs Butterflies (or as i like to call it, harry and louis going solo again) Blue and Green (don’t judge me) Ambrosia (seriously pls don’t judge me) Through the Wire (actually nevermind if you’re judging me it’s your problem lmao) Ruby Woo (yes it’s harry wearing lipstick)

Then i tried~~ to be a serious writer and my babies were born

You can’t blame gravity (for falling in love) aka larcel au

High-five of your love aka girl larry 

Harry’s Journal to Self Discovery aka girl larry that will probs be published soon?? and hopefully my xmas crack fic as well???

then i got two wips that were written this year and published on the amnesty week cuz i will never finish it let’s be real lmao

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

honestly? butterflies cuz it was the first one i published on ao3 lmao cuz everything i write i despise

except u#28 i love that shit to pieces but it’s still wip and i love it cuz it’s noir and superhero-y and yeah

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

every single one of them lmao i hate my writing BUT i think blue and green cuz it was the first one????????????????? and it really does suck lmao

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

“Shouldn’t you have quit by now?”

“The watch out?” He smirked. “Or the fags?”

He didn’t need to look at Liam to know he was rolling his eyes.

“You know they’re not good for you.”

“Jeez, dad, no need for a lecture right now.” Louis inhaled again, just in spite, wishing he could blow it out to write words on the wind like a magician of sorts. Instead, he amused himself by imagining his deformed cloud of smoke wrote a giant ‘Fuck off, Payno’ before dispersing on the wind. “They help me concentrate. Besides, they keep me warm.”

Liam tsked behind him. Sometimes he took himself too seriously. Louis wondered what it was like to still be like this. Wholesome. Unwavering. Faithful.

“Are you still having trouble sleeping?”

Louis sighed, crushing the butt of the cigarette against the wall and then throwing it away, the wind picking it up. The best part about sitting so up high was watching the wind carry everything away in a second, almost an endless fall of an acrobat, suspended on air, far away from the ground.

“Yeah.”

He let the wind take his voice away as well. Let it be swept away. Liam would know better than to keep the questioning anyway.

They stood in silence, surrounded by echoes of street life and the falling night.

5. Share or describe a favorite comment you received:

uhhhhhhhhh i love @gaycousinlarry‘s girl direction work so i’m still weak she read and commented on mine haha then @finck-you-freeky and @smellofsunshine both read my pretentious wip and highlighted some nice passages and i loved it and someone commented on my larcel saying they’ve reread it many times and i still don’t know how to answer it cuz i’m so flattered???????????? 

but above all i’ll always remember @runontheroadbeforeidance‘s comment for butterflies cuz she was the first person outside of my little group of friends to read my work and comment it and she said it felt like a slow hazy summerday which was EXACTLY what i wanted to pass and i still hold this close to my heart tbh haha

honestly i’m just grateful for everyone who ever read it and if they liked or commented on it i’ll love them forever haha

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

every goddamn time. i struggle a fucking lot to write lmao

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

i’m still not over all that spitting marcel did. why the fuck, mate? also u#28 everyone is always surprising me haha

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

i actually begin to write so there’s that haha

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

i hope i write smth i’m actually proud of and think it’s actually good haha @ u#28 u ma only hope

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

ughhhh my beta @britpickerhl my test runners @broccoliwasdone @finck-you-freeky @rosegoldhl will have a honour mention and all but will have to excuse me cuz right now it’s @twoghostsacoustic time

no seriously y’all don’t understand i literally only started to write because of steph HAHAHAHAHA it’s more than the fact she’s my friend my beta my cheerleader and my padner in this hellhole, she literally is the reason i even realized i could try my hand at this shit. so if yall wanna blame someone, it’s her

we have our drs and whatnot but in the end tamo junto 

so yeah steph through and through

(also dj imma choose fireproof to play then since steph wrote OVER AGAIN for me and whatnot)

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

i too fisted someone this year

lmao jk but it does appear all the fucking time, especially the pop culture/music mentions and when they’re particularly dumb

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

watch porn, it helps

but seriously: don’t give a shit what others might think about your work, about popularity or whatever the fuck. just write it for you and if someone wants to read it with you fuck yea they winning but this baby is yours and yours alone so don’t mind about being a hype or if it’s good or not. what matters is that u wrote it so kudos to you for your effort

also, never forget fandoms love to love bs so sometimes..... things that are famous...... are worse........

and just embrace your weirdness and go for your own brand and do you

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

oooooh boy yes 

i got a marcel exchange to do that i wanna write asap (tbh i have to lmao)

the i got a star trek au for @hrrytomlinson that god only knows how i’ll fit in between my other shit sorry kiddo i’m postponing that due date already haha

then i got a gift for @twoghostsacoustic that she has no idea what it’s about

then i got ruby woo part 2, the storyteller, u#28, my abo and my beatles au that are all fics that i’m dying to write

and fuck knows what else is in store lmao

also i’d love to write for other fandoms

and to like maybe take writing serious for once lmaooooooooo

14. Tag three writers/artists whose answers you’d like to read

honestly i lowkey tagged a lot of people while writing this haha so i’ve rigged the game and am tagging them but lemme see @rosegoldhl wassup binch @smellofsunshine to inspire you to write more haha and @threeandsixseconds @fireawaynjh @vanillabeanniall 

honestly what are rules i got new ones and i count them ayyy

[bfknj]

tags masterpost (?)

I was tagged in a few tag games over the past few days and instead of posting them all separately I decided to just put them all on one! If I tagged you feel free to do any or all of these (including people who tagged me!!) As always, don’t feel any pressure to do any, I just think these are fun and wanted to share :)

- - - - 11 questions tag - - - -

Rules: 1. Make sure to post the rules!! 2. Answer the questions given to you by the tagger. 3. Write 11 questions of your own. 4. Tag 11 people

these questions are from @moonmyun !! michaela you had me stRUGGLIN OKAY YOUR QUESTIONS WERE HARD but ily still bless you for the tag you angel :”)

1 who is your bias group? why?

BANGTAN SONYEONDAN AKA MEME SQUAD !!!!!!! honestly they just make me so beyond happy wow holly nobody ever says that about their favs ur original a LOOOT of music is centered around love these days and not to say bts doesn’t do that with a lot of their music but they also tackle a lot of societal issues and I really respect them for that. From 21st century girls w politics, spring day mv and the ferry sinking, suicide in the I need u mv and many other things I feel like they take risks for the sake of portraying what they hold true to their hearts/morals not necessarily what will sell best and I can’t name many other groups who do that as well :( also my boys cute af I love those dweebs IM SO WHIPPED HAH

2 which kpop video do you find the most aesthetically pleasing?

this is hard :(( idk my number one but I really like seventeen hip hop unit’s check in, red velvet’s one of these nights, ladies code’s galaxy, kim lip of loona’s eclipse and crush’s fall ! they don't all match my aesthetic but I feel like they match the songs really well!!! watch them okay 3/5 of them are hELLA UNDERRATED bye

3 if you could instantly learn one choreography, what would you pick?

something by either gfriend or bts?? love whisper or not today or blood sweat tears?? OOOH or red flavor by rv!! tbh though I’m really skinny so my limbs look weird af with a lot of dances rip

4 who do you look up to as a role model (in the kpop community or not)?

there’s no person in particular that really sticks out but I will say I’ve always admired jungkook, and really all trainees for that matter, who leave their families to start training really young because its a process thats hard physically, emotionally and mentally for late teen/early twenties trainees but there’s sO many kids who enter in their pre-teens and idk how they survive also I realized this doesn’t answer your question at all I'm sorry its 1:28 AM I’m just waiting for the DNA mv to drop

5 whose concert would you go to if you could and why?

DAY6 DAY6 DAY6 DAY6 !!!!! THEY INVENTED LIVE SHOWS DONT FIGHT ME ON THIS or shoot maybe dean or crush or heize?? I LOVE TOO MANY TALENTED PEOPLE also I would say bts but although there are countless amazing beautiful armys there are def some crazy scary ones that are known to be horrible at concerts so

6 if you could pick one idol to be best friends with, who would it be and why?

OK YALL IVE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS A LOT IN MY DAILY LIFE SO S/H TO MICHAELA FOR ASKING ILY either boo seungkwan or ahn heeyeon!! I feel like hani would be so fun to have girl time with bc I feel like we’re really similar in some ways ?? IDK I LOVE HER bUT overall I’d say boo seungkwan because istg we are 100000000% the same person only he has a weenie ok just trust me I am boo and boo is me

7 would you want to be a part of a kpop group if you had the opportunity to be?

I’d absolutely love to be in the entertainment industry and I think the staging, costuming, group dynamics and publicity (variety shows, fan service/interations) in the kpop industry are all really cool but I honestly don't think I have the mental strength to do it lmao idols go through so much and I don’t think I could handle it regardless of how much I enjoy singing/dancing/performing etc.

8 what languages do you speak, and which do you want to learn?

english and some spanish??? I understand a lot because quite a bit of my family speaks it but my conversational skills have gone downhill recently because I haven’t had a lot of opportunities to practice :( with that said, I’d like to be fluent in spanish and - BEFORE YOU COME FOR ME READ IT ALL OK - I’d like to learn korean BECAUSE!!!!! when I was little before I moved I would go to a farmers market by my house and a lot of the older ladies there spoke korean and little holly though it sounded so pretty and I always wanted to chat w them ok THATS WHY I’m not a creepy koreaboo this has been a thing since before I even knew what a kpop was ok bye 

9 what song cheers you up when you’re sad?

fire by bts bc I get hella turnt to that song its a pROBLEM also jackpot by block b, baby/puss in boots by astro, chained up by vixx, not today/bst by bts, knock knock by twice, i think I love you by sonamoo THE LIST GOES ON I HAVE A WHOLE PLAYLIST OK

10 what things do you associate with your bias?

dimples!! pretty hands, closing one eye in selcas, ootds, happiness so cheesy ik sORRY, ryan, studying, awkward dancing, open mouth laughs, second hand embarrassment, sentimental rants

11 what’s your favourite thing to do in your free time?

cry over namjoon tbh I’m one of those people who is constantly listening to music so I’m always doing that and singing along regardless of if its free time or not HAH then I really like reading and catching up on my youtube subscriptions

my questions!

what is your dream job?

favorite book of all time?

what is your current fashion like and what is your dream fashion?

if your best friend was cloned, how would you know which one of the two was your best friend?

what song got you into kpop?

which idol do you think is most similar to you?

favorite kpop lyrics?

if given the opportunity to collaborate with any group/soloist of your choice, who would you choose and why?

what is your favorite physical and character trait of your ult?

which underrated groups/soloists do you believe deserve more recognition? any song recs?

do you read fanfics? if so, what are your favorites?

- - - - song title game - - - -

I was tagged by @kihani, your song choices were 12/10 

rules: spell you your url with kpop songs and tag ten people! (all of these happen to by song recs too so listen nd be happy friends)

mysterious - hello venus

i think i love you? - sonamoo (a fav ok listen pls)

life in color - beenzino

knock - knk 

jelly - hotshot

only u - daze

out of sorts - vixx

night rather than day - exid

she’s a baby - zico

- - - - get to know me tag! - - - -

1ST RULE: Tag 10 people you want to get to know better.

2ND RULE: BOLD the statements that are true. tagged by @sleepysugarmoon, thank you friend!! APPEARANCE: I am 5'7" or taller I wear glasses (or contact lenses) I have at least one tattoo I have at least one piercing I have blonde hair I have brown eyes I have short hair My abs are at least somewhat defined I have or have had braces PERSONALITY: I love meeting new people  People tell me that I’m funny   Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me I enjoy physical challenges I enjoy mental challenges I’m playfully rude with people I know well I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it ABILITY: I can sing well I can play an instrument  I can do over 30 pushups without stopping I’m a fast runner I can draw well I have a good memory I’m good at doing math in my head I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch I know how to throw a proper punch HOBBIES: I enjoy playing sports I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else I have learned a new song in the past week I work out at least once a week I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months I have drawn something in the past month Fandoms are my #1 passion  I do or have done martial arts EXPERIENCES: I have had my first kiss I have had alcohol I have scored the winning goal in a sports game I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting I have been at an overnight event I have been in a taxi I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year I have beaten a video game in one day I have visited another country I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts RELATIONSHIPS: I’m in a relationship I have a crush on a celebrity I have a crush on someone I know I have been in at least 3 relationships I have never been in a relationship I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them I get crushes easily I have had a crush on someone for over a year I have been in a relationship for at least a year I have had feelings for a friend MY LIFE: I have at least one person I consider a “best friend” I live close to my school My parents are still together I have at least one sibling I live in the United States There is snow right now where I live I have hung out with a friend in the past month I have a smartphone I have at least 15 CDs I share my room with someone RANDOM SHIT: I have breakdanced I have had a teacher with the last name that’s hard to pronounce I have dyed my hair I’m listening to one song on repeat right now I have punched someone in the past week I know someone who has gone to jail I have broken a bone I have eaten a waffle today I know what I want to do with my life I speak at least 2 languages I have made a new friend in the past year

tagging some mutuals bc ily and why do you even follow me I'm a wreck tbh OK i tag: @kihani, @21jd, @lapatronakim, @94seulqi, @gayoongi, @springdqy, @medina-kim, @15minss, @je0n, @cottontae, @taebaeul, @booty-baekery, @lalisl, @babekhyun, @voidpjm and anyone else who wants to try any or all of these!!