#my nephew was over this morning and he’s ALWAYS sitcom material so he doesnt count

[alphaesq]

my life is a fucking sitcom

“oh e, you’re just being silly haha”

no.

you don’t understand.

this day has been all sorts of BONKERS.

TLDR: i discovered my parents do weed and am literally so in shock about it that i had to write down my story for public viewing

I drove my dad and I to a short dinner at my sister’s, 5 minutes away. We have our usual daddish conversations, to and fro, and then I drive us back.

I still don’t have my license (long story) but I tried to park the car in the garage, and when pulling in I bump the car onto the curb slightly, no biggie- then i burn rubber trying to get us off of it, laughing the whole time. I park the car, we get out, look at the rubber mark, he high fives me and said he did the same thing a long time ago, cool cool cool

so far, a normal day with my dad

we get inside the house, and things are slightly amiss for my doggo, a small 13 year old havanese who acts like a cat with a urination problem (but we love him anyways) - the gate to the garage is shut, so good for us that we remembered that. His cage is closed, the back door is closed, and the gate to the living room is open. Why? We have no idea. This means that he had access to the last gate blocking his escape, which when unsupervised, he knows how to scratch open. What does all this mean? My puppy had full rein of the house for an hour. Remember when I said he had a urination problem? I wasn’t kidding - he marks his territory every 2 seconds and has peed in every little crevice of this 25 year old house. So, my dad and I began our search... i went upstairs, walked a bit of hallway, turned left to the game room, and lo and behold he had SHAT four times in the game room hallway. He has NEVER done this before in the HISTORY of DOG SHITTING. like,,, bITCH???

Now, you’re probably wondering... how does this have to do with discovering your parents do weed? It doesn’t, but this all happened within hours of eachother and I have to give exposition okay.

Fast forward an hour, my mom gets back from my sisters because she stayed later, and I’m playing video games upstairs. Decide to go get ice cream, so I walk down at a kinda abnormal time for me. I see the parentals outside, so I walk out to see what they be doing.

I GAG.

“iT smELLs LiKE wEEd!”

my dad looks me in the eye:

“it IS weed.”

shshshdgdhhddhhshshwHAT

so I walk inside, and we have a talk™ ,, but this isnt even the weirdest part

rewind a week

I stayed at my sisters for a day, just to get out of the house for a bit because they can be a bit much. I get back Saturday afternoon to find nobody home - i knew they were having dinner with friends, so apparently they left really early. I walk into the kitchen, slide off my shoes by the counter, see some oregano on it in a bowl, walk upstairs.

My mom finally calls me back, in a more nutty manner than usual, REALLY frazzled that I’m back earlier than she thought ,, I’m like, “listen it’s nbd, I’m an adult, I can make myself dinner” but she’s still overtly anxious but i can’t figure out why

So

Remember the bowl of oregano

Yeah no that was weed

She just left a bowl of weed on the counter in plain sight, and my fuckin dumbass just ignored it and left my shoes there

So when my parents got home and saw where my shoes were, they had no idea whether or not i knew they smoked weed

I am literally in shock over this,, like,, my parents are weird but fuckin

wEeD?!!

Apparently my older sister found out cuz my mom has a vape pen???? And my mom does it often??? And my dad gets it when he goes to work in california???

But I texted my older brother about it and it is clear he has NO IDEA which makes all this even crazier

I asked him his opinion on doing weed and he gave me a long equivocal assertation about why he won’t do weed and how he thinks people should use in moderation so they don’t hurt themselves

Like, no shit bro

But do you know that MOM AND DAD DO FUCKING WEEED

i dont know how to end this so im done here