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irondadgroupie · 6 years ago

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Bohemian Rhapsody: Chapter 5

We want to pretend like the week-long hiatus was planned @intoresus but honestly, we would be lying :D First was Easter and- you know what we are talking about.

When May Parker received the call, it had been a bad sign from the very beginning. There weren’t many people that would call her during work. The number wasn’t Peter’s, so it couldn’t be him telling her he was inviting Ned over - or staying for another night at the Stark Tower. It was a stranger talking on the other end of the line, calmly but urgently. He refused to tell what had happened, or why she was asked to come in the first place, just repeated he’d send a driver to pick her up and bring her to the compound.

There she was now, in the back of a small limousine - a little extravagant, as was everything coming from Tony Stark, but at least she was getting where she needed to be and had a little more time to try and reach Peter. A part of her knew he wouldn’t pick up, but the bigger, more optimistic part was always expecting to hear his voice at the other end of the line, or a new message, but nothing. The last one was from eleven this morning:

Dishes are washed. Mr Stark’s picking me up for lunch in a few. Be back tomorrow.

May didn’t exactly dislike Tony, but she wasn’t entirely warming up to him either. She knew he was trying to be supportive, and that Peter had lightened up since Stark had walked into his life. However, she questioned his behavior. What did Tony Stark want? It was a question that didn’t let her go. He appeared as if he really cared for her kid, but so had other people in Peter’s life - people who had ended up using him, in the truest sense of that word. May still felt sick thinking about it. Who was telling her that this was about Peter and not about Iron Man needing a side-kick superhero? Or about having the kid work on some ideas Tony could present as his own in the future?

As far as she’d heard – the man wasn’t exactly a hermit - it wouldn’t have been the first time. Back in 2002, there had been a heavy accusation of Stark stealing an idea for using concepts that were rumored not to be his. The case was dropped two years later due to the lack of evidence, but with the amount of Tony Stark’s wealth, he might’ve just bribed the entire court. Peter could spend a day talking non-stop about how the man had changed over the course of the past few years, but May couldn’t shake off her doubts. No one could make a 180 change after being an arrogant and eccentric millionaire for half of his life. Peter had a general tendency to trust people too quickly and too easily, believing in the good in everyone, no matter if they deserved it or not. The fact that he’d worshipped Tony Stark for most of his life didn’t help with that either. That’s what was getting her anxious about the two of them spending so much time together: If it were really about Stark’s intention to exploit her boy, it would be easy for him, and Peter probably wouldn’t even realize anything until it was already too late.

Twenty unlucky calls later they reached their destination, and May was guided inside the building.

“Mrs Parker?” She heard it before she saw it, her worst fears coming true. The woman in front of her her was wearing scrubs. She was a medic.

“Yes,” May answered tonelessly. “I’m here for my nephew, Peter.”

“Sure. Follow me, please.” The worst part about the entire situation was that May had been working in the medical field for long enough to recognize patterns. They guided her away from the main area, because the news wouldn’t be good. Because they wanted her to have a private room, a place to sit down before they’d fill her in. And that was exactly what was happening.

“I have to inform you that your nephew has been involved in an animal-vehicle crash earlier this afternoon.”

May heard the words, but their meaning didn’t put itself together. As if she was trapped in a nightmare. Getting the gist of a situation, nothing more. “He’s receiving the best medical care in this facility, I assure you.” Yet another typical sentence. Nothing with vital information.

May needed it. Needed some information, at least whether or not Peter was alright.

“How is he?”

The shuffle. A second offer for a glass of water. Again, May shook her head.

“He’s suffered something we call a hypothermia, which is factually a lowered body temperature, alongside a concussion and a splenic trauma. His vitals are stable at the moment. However, I am obligated to inform you that the severity of his injuries had caused a cardiac arrest. We managed to take control of it rather quickly, but Peter has unfortunately slipped into a coma.”

The universe around May Parker didn’t exist anymore. She’d heard all those words before. Screamed along hospital hallways, whispered between some doctors. All of them had a meaning that she was well aware of. The medic offered her sincerest apologies and suggested she’d bring her to Peter’s room whenever she felt ready but May ignored her. She wasn’t ready.

Barely a few years ago she had lost her husband.

And now they wanted to tell her that she almost lost her nephew by the skin of his teeth?

No. This had to be a nightmare, a very, very cruel nightmare.

Peter was at home, with Ned, building Lego sets.

In Stark’s lab, working on some secret inventions.

Maybe outside, as Spider-Man, saving ‘the little people’.

Safe.

Not in the ICU of a high-class medical facility.

She barely listened to the explanation of how it had come to the crash in the first place. The only informations she tried to keep in her mind was how the current prognosis and future treatment looked like. “Tests came back promising, and we assume that his healing factor will continue to have a positive effect. However, we can’t yet tell when he’s going to wake up.”

Her vision blurred by tears that refused to fall and the pain was so awful it literally made her feel hollow, as if she was helplessly sinking into quicksand.

Episodes of sadness had been a constant companion ever since Ben’s death, and usually Peter was helping her out. That’s what they always did: Cheering each other up - balancing each other out. But now? Now Peter couldn’t. Now it was on her alone.

They were about to explain her that he was currently still ventilated, due to his lungs needing to recover from the effects of drowning, when they entered the room.

Her first glance didn’t meet Peter - she doubted she would’ve recognized him under the thick blankets and with the countless wires covering him. But maybe it would’ve been good if that’s the first she saw. It would’ve anchored her.

Instead, the first thing she saw beyond the waterfall in her eyes was Tony Stark - One hand in her nephew’s hair, the other resting on his chest, mumbling something she didn’t comprehend. The first thing she saw was him.

The man who’d driven the car Peter got hurt in.

In that moment, he wasn’t Tony Stark anymore. Not Peter’s hero, not the man who’d rescued him after the crash.

He was the enemy.

“You-“ You did this. But the words didn’t leave her mouth, this cruelty was tying her tongue. She saw Tony looking up in what she believed to be shock and surprise.

“May- I'm sorry-“

“No. Don’t you dare attempt to apologize. This - you did this!”

“May,” Pepper stepped forward and tried to grasp the woman's arm in comfort. “We are all upset and shocked about this. How about you sit down, I'll get you tea-“

“No, no tea can solve this! You people caused this! It was your car he was in and you were driving,” She screamed at Tony. Tears spilled from her eyes and her face was read with rage. “You promised to take care of him and you broke it! Why? Because he had that good idea before you and you needed him out of the picture?”

“What?” Tony whispered and his shock and resentment flushed away to disbelief. “- I saved him! That doesn't make any sense!”

“What do I know about you rich people? Intern in coma sounds better than a dead one.”

Tony opened his mouth and closed it in the same instant, his chest suddenly feeling way too tight to speak, or even move. Somewhere outside of his mind, Pepper was asking him to calm down in a tone as worried as he’d never heard it before - which was huge, given the condition the woman had seen him in already, physically and mentally. But on the inside, there were only two things repeating themselves, one after another.

Peter could be dead.

You did this.

“May, you need to be careful. Tony is also healing. He can't take much emotional stress or his heart-“ Pepper told as she helped her husband to the bed. He wasn’t fighting her, and Pepper realized that she hated this more than him arguing with her. It meant that May’s words, spoken in terrible grief, had left an invisible, but no less painful scar in Tony’s heart.

“Yeah, that can be easily arranged,” May sniffed. “I want you out.”

“What?” Tony whispered, eyes wide.

“Both of you, out. I don't want you anywhere near Peter or me. Only family is allowed and you are certainly not family. Leave us alone or I swear to God I am taking this to the court.”

“A lawsuit? She can’t be serious about that. What’d be the charges? Saving her nephew from drowning? We’re in America, not China, or the middle-ages.”

Pepper kept her voice quiet only to avoid catching another deprecating glare from one of the night nurses. She and Rhodey stood outside Tony’s room in the long hallway. Although being on the possibly highest dose of non-anesthetic sedatives possible, Tony was in a light sleep, and Pepper did in no way intend to unnecessarily wake him. He needed rest, his heart and mind a break from conscious thinking. It had been hard enough to see how much the man had been suffering after May had insisted on him leaving. Doctors from both sides had tried to smooth down the conflict - arguing that it would be beneficial to both Tony and Peter’s conditions to not separate them, but May hadn’t listened. And with her being the boy’s legal guardian, there was nothing they could do about it.

Tony had been devastated, in a way that Pepper had never seen him. He’d been crying, unresisted, the entire way back, and even after they’d shot him the sedatives to lower the risk of a further arrhythmia, he’d still mumbled “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry�� until he finally fell asleep.

“She’s in shock.” Rhodey reasoned, and Pepper frowned at him in return.

“As is Tony. We all are. Hell, I certainly am.” Curses weren’t exactly in her typical daily word-repertoire, but this certainly wasn’t a typical day. “Gives her no reason to lash out at us that way. Her behavior could’ve caused Tony a heart attack and god knows I would’ve gone to court if that happened.”

“Pep.” Rhodey sighed. “She’s raised the boy.”

He almost made a step backwards at the ice in Pepper’s eyes when she looked at him. “I’m not saying I understand what she did, I’m just -“ He massaged his temple. The day had been nerve-wracking and horrible, and he was slowly feeling the pay-off. “Just imagine it’d be your kid in there. You, I, we all know Tony the way he is. We’ve seen him grow over the years, we have seen evidence enough that he isn’t the 00’s Tony Stark anymore. He proves that to us every minute of every day.

“For May... For May he’s the man that everyone’s talking about. America’s most criticized person. Everyone who owns a functional TV has heard of him, and the media doesn’t have a reputation of showing people at their best. For May, he’s the billionaire superhero that supports her son fighting crime at night. She has no idea who he really is or how much he really cares. He’s honestly just that guy in the driver’s seat for her, but it’s her son that’s caught the worst of this crash, and she needs someone to blame, because otherwise, all of that might be too cruel to handle.”

Pepper did not answer, but the words stuck with her. After all, Rhodey might be right. From the outside perspective, with just the media as a source of information, she probably wouldn’t trust Tony either, no matter how hard it was to imagine that. To imagine that no one saw her Tony as the gentle, loving human being that he was.

“You’re staying with Tony till morning? I’ll leave her for the night, and hope she’s a little more at ease tomorrow. We can help her through this.”

And Tony’s going to break if she refuses to let him see Peter for longer than a day.

Tony woke up in the middle of the night, feeling like someone had smashed a building right on top of him. He needed a while to recognize his surroundings, and to scan his memory for the reason for his pain. As soon as he did, he wished he hadn’t.

The worst seconds after trauma weren’t those when you’re confused about what’s been happening, but the flashes of minutes - hours even - burning themselves through your mind all at once.

His movie had an injured Peter as the main protagonist, and May’s angry voice as soundtrack. Her accusations stung. They stung, because after all, he’d thought that May would know him better than that.

The story she was referring to had happened years ago.

Some “upcoming star technician”, that had just started his small independent business, had denounced him because some of the blue-prints that Tony had used for filing a patent for his latest invention looked similar to his. It had become a top story; people believed it to be more realistic that a billionaire would steal ideas rather than a small company would use the indictment to sneak themselves some money and attention.

It wasn’t just that Tony’s ego was far too big to ever steal someone’s idea to enrich himself.

He could never do something like that to Peter.

The project the kid had been working on every time he’d been in the lab for the past couple of months had grown into something solid. There were still some edges on it that’d need fine tuning and Tony had gladly volunteered to help fix those, but this would always be Peter’s invention entirely, his baby and he would make sure that he’d get all the well- deserved credit for it.

He wouldn’t take that achievement away from the kid.

And he certainly wouldn’t cause a crash to... he couldn’t even finish the thought without feeling sick. His breathing would’ve quickened along with his heart-rate under normal circumstances, but with the amount of anti-arrhythmias rushing through his system, his body seemed to be stuck in its rhythm.

That didn’t make the idea any less hurtful. The image of how different the day could’ve ended for both of them. A world without Peter Parker would be a gruesome world, without light or colors or sounds, just a hollow emptiness. That’s what Tony had almost pictured hell like: A hollow place.

Sleeping had become impossible now. If he’d close his eyes, he would always see the picture of Peter’s lifeless, pale body in front of him. But staring in the darkness didn’t help the awful feeling either.

Rhodey was sitting in the armchair next to his bed, head hanging on his shoulder, snoring lightly.

For a moment, Tony considered waking him, aware that Rhodey would definitely be mad if he didn’t do it, but he had no intention to have the following conversation about how he felt, or that he should rest and not worry.

He turned his head to the other side, searching for the access button they’d given him that’d give him a light dose of painkillers if his pain became unbearable, but his eyes met something else: a metallic object glistening in the moonlight shining throught the window.

Oh please, let it be.

It was indeed his StarkPad, and Tony suddenly relaxed. This was better than painkillers. This would keep his mind busy enough for a while not to be sucked in the downward spiral of anxiety.

His arms moved sluggishly, and for a moment he feared he’d drop the Pad, but he managed to settle it quietly onto his lap.

A memo turned up.

You should really sleep, Tony.

But I love you, and I know you won’t, so take it easy right now.

Tony let out a breath and smiled weakly. Pepper had put up shortcuts to all his favorite music tracks and some brain-melting arcade games. However, Tony had other intentions. He couldn’t find it in himself to allow the distraction of playing simple mobile games - worse enough that Peter had infected him with that BlockMastery hype a few weeks ago - and music was the last thing he needed right now. He doubted he could ever listen to a rock song again. Not with one of them being so closely associated with this day.

No. He needed to do something else.

The ObserverSystem refused his command.

Access denied It reported, and Tony already frowned, checking the command protocols until he found the error: A foreign protocol called “Recover & Rest” that blocked all functions aside from games, music and video-platforms. Pepper knew him to well. But she should’ve known that this wasn’t keeping him from doing what he had to.

//Override. 496e76656e746f72 He typed, and the protocol was immediately turned off. The next burden didn’t come as a surprise, and the needed code was easier to type.

//Override. 50726f746563746f72

The system needed a few seconds before the medical database was fully loaded. After that, it was a matter of seconds to get the access to Peter’s data and connect himself to the kid’s vital monitors. Audio output was still turned off, and for almost a minute Tony just appreciated the wonderfully rhythmical spikes on screen and the ease that came with not having to wait for the sound underlying one of them.

He changed audio delivery to his headphones and the rhythmic beeps audible were more calming than even the best movie soundtrack could ever be, because each of them meant that Peter’s heart had made another beat, each of them meant that for now, his kid was alright.

It was the soundtrack that guided him to sleep.

#irondad #fanfic #bohemian rhapsody #whump #medical whump

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evescole · 7 years ago

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Holiday Happiness // Peter Parker

okay yay i got an overwhelming response with the previous spider-man imagine so here’s another one :-)

you can find my masterlist here

word count: 2,127

pairing: peter parker x stark!reader

warnings: fluffy fluff fluff

summary: you help the parkers prepare for the most wonderful time of the year

Christmas was hands down your favorite holiday out of the year. New York never failed to overly decorate the streets and bring the cheer to the city. The Avengers Tower was always placed in your capable hands to be decorated top to bottom and you never disappointed.

You had just finished hanging lights around the kitchen area as your phone buzzed on the counter, interrupting your Christmas jam session. You continued to sing as you stepped down from the ladder and made your way to your phone to see a text message from your boyfriend, Peter Parker.

Spidey Love <3

wanna come over and help decorate?

You smiled to yourself before typing out that you would be there soon. You paused your music and moved the step ladder out of the way. Looking around the kitchen, you felt a little proud by your decorating skills. Surely the Parker family would enjoy them as well.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. will you tell Dad that I left? I’m heading to Peter’s house to decorate,” You started heading towards to door as you spoke.

“Very well, Miss Stark. Tell Mister Parker your father says hello.”

You nodded to yourself as you disappeared out the doors, setting your course to Peter’s apartment that was a few blocks away. The wind whipped around you, blowing snow across the streets and around corners. You loved the snow. It was so pure, peaceful. It brought good memories from when you were a kid and you never wanted to forget them.

You quickly found yourself walking up to Peter’s door, shaking snow from your jacket. Your frozen hands knocked on the wooden door. You kicked your shoes back and forth, watching the snow fall from them in clumps.

“My, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?” May smiled at you as she pulled the door open.

You smiled back. “Hi, May. How are you?”

She stepped aside to let you in. “Living the dream, darling. You know how it is.”

Your relationship with May was one of the best. You were like a daughter in her mind. She cared for you as much as she did with Peter and in her mind, you two were perfect for each other.

Her apartment never failed to make you feel at home. Candles lit up the walls as a fire burned in the corner, the scent of pine cones and cinnamon filling the air. Totes of Christmas decorations were piled up by the kitchen table and you couldn’t wait to get your hands on them.

May pulled your jacket from your shoulders as you tugged your boots from your feet, eyes landing on the couch. May followed your gaze, a chuckle leaving her mouth. “He crashed about an hour ago. Something about being up late last night doing who knows what. Feel free to wake him up.”

She waved you off before disappearing into the kitchen. A smile found its way to your face as you crossed the carpet. Peter Parker always managed to look handsome and cute at the same time. He was curled under the blanket you bought him for his birthday, his chest rising and falling in a timely pattern.

Pulling yourself up on the armrest, you gently sorted through his hair with your fingers. He didn’t wake up, just clutched the blanket tighter. You leaned down and kissed his forehead before standing back up and heading to the kitchen.

May looked up at your footsteps. “Wake him?”

“Nah.” You shook your head. “Let him sleep. He’ll wake up eventually. In the meantime, those cookies smell delicious.”

May closed the oven and set the fresh batch down. “They’re your favorite.”

You hummed in satisfaction as you reached around her to snag a warm one off the tray. “You’re the best,” You mumbled around the treat.

She rolled her eyes at you. “Let me throw this next batch in and then I’ll meet you in the hallway to start decorating.”

You nodded and left the kitchen, situating yourself next to the countless bins of decorations for the holiday. You started sorting the lights by color as you waited for May. Once you had all of those, you moved on to pull the ornaments out.

“How’s your father been?” May asked as she sat down next to you, beginning to empty the other tote.

You shrugged. “Same old, burying himself in work. I’m hoping since it’s the holidays, I’ll be able to get him away for a few hours but you know how he gets.”

She chuckled, “He’s determined, that man. How about school? Did that girl ever leave you alone?”

When you said you were close to May, you weren’t kidding. You told her everything, from top to bottom. Sometimes, she knew you better than your father did.

“Kind of. I know it’s going to start back up when break is over but I guess I’ll deal with it.” You pulled the last ornament out of its box.

“Or you come to me and I’ll handle it.” Peter sounded half asleep still as he got off the couch and walked towards you. “I’ll always defend you.”

He sat down right behind you, crossing his legs beneath him as you pressed a kiss to his temple. He rested his chin on your shoulder, watching the two of you go through the totes of things.

“Morning, sunshine,” May teased, eyes watching her nephew intently. “Sleep well?”

Peter nodded. “Yeah, feel much better now.”

“Good!” May clapped her hands. “Then you and Y/N can tackle the tree together while I decorate everything else.”

You watched her stand up. “May, are you sure? I can help with more than that.”

She shook her head. “I’ll let you know if I need you, darling. Just start there first.”

In the back of her mind, May knew the two of you would get distracted, whether it was by each other or food. The tree wouldn’t be finished before she was. That, she was sure of.

Time skip to an hour or two later, you and Peter were placing ornaments around the fake tree as Christmas music played in the background. May wasn’t kidding when she said she could handle the rest. Her bedroom, the bathroom, Peter’s room, and the kitchen had been covered in Christmas in the time it had taken you and Peter to put the tree up and get ornaments on it, breaking a few in the meantime but shhh. She doesn’t need to know that.

“Where’s the star at?” Peter spun around in a circle, trying to find the final object.

You held it up. “I wanna put it on!”

Peter rolled his eyes. “Good luck reaching it, Shortcake.”

“Peter.” May’s stern voice came from the kitchen, earning a groan from the young boy.

“Fine,” He huffed, “How exactly am I supposed to help her grow seven feet?”

May’s head poked out from the other room. “Aren’t you a cheesy teenager? Pick her up!”

Your cheeks went red at May’s words but Peter evidently took her suggestion because the next thing you knew, your head hit the ceiling.

“Ow!” You rubbed the injured part of your skull, lightly smacking your boyfriend. “Don’t be sour just because your aunt loves me more.”

Peter’s hands held your ankles tightly as you leaned forward to push the star on the top of the tree. When you finally got it up straight, you moved back to sit upright on Peter’s shoulders. Apparently, luck didn’t want to be on your side as you lost your balance. You felt gravity pull you down off your boyfriend’s back. A gasp of surprise left your mouth as you closed your eyes, bracing yourself for impact.

The floor never connected with your body. You opened one eye in disbelief, half expecting to smack on the floor. Peter’s face was right above yours, his arms keeping you from hitting the floor.

“You’re welcome for that one,” He teased, setting you back on your feet. Your hands wrapped around his arms as you gained your footing, letting out a sigh of relief.

May, hearing the sudden silence, poked her head back out. “You two okay?”

You took a deep breath before forcing a nod, almost scared into silence. Peter looked down at you and chuckled. “Spider got your tongue?”

You rolled your eyes, smacking him in the arm. “Oh, shut up, you. Now, come on! I have my present for you!”

Five minutes and a change of clothes later, you and Peter were snuggled up on the couch as gifts sat on the table. May had made you hot chocolate with a little splash of peppermint, just how you liked it. Peter’s blanket was strewn across your laps as you both sat facing each other on opposite sides of the couch.

“Here!” You reached over to hand him the wrapped box. “Open mine first.”

He set down his drink to take the box from your hands, eagerly tearing into the wrapping paper. His eyes lit up as he saw what you bought him, quickly glancing to make sure May wasn’t in the room.

“This is awesome!” He whispered as he held the box to face you. Yeah, you were cheesy and got him a Spider-Man Lego set for him to build with Ned. You knew he would love it.

You smiled. “They just came out with them the other day. Thought you’d like it.”

“Like it? I love it!” He continued to geek out over it before finally setting it down. He picked the small box off the table and held it out to you. “It’s nothing super big but I think you’ll like it.”

You took the box from his hands, unraveling the bow that was most likely tied by May. You set the silk ribbon in your lap before pulling the top off the black box. What was inside made your jaw drop. “Peter...this is-”

“It was my mom’s. May said it was in her old jewelry box when they cleaned everything out. It was apparently my grandma’s. She passed it down to my dad who gave it to Mom and now, I want you to have it.” Peter gave you a sheepish smile as he explained the object in your palm.

It was an oval shaped gold locket with a crystal moon and star engraved on the front. Using your nail, you popped the lock open to reveal a heart charm with yours and Peter’s initials on it.

“Oh, my God. Peter, I don’t even know what to say. It’s so gorgeous and I just…” You looked at the necklace as you started crying. You had never been so touched by someone’s thoughtfulness before and knowing the story behind the necklace just makes it so, so much better.

Peter caught sight of your tears. “No, no, no! Don’t cry. If you don’t like it, I can-”

You moved forward and kissed him, promptly shutting up his nervous rant. “Peter, happy tears, babe. I love it so much, you have no idea.”

He gently took the necklace from your palm before hooking it around your neck. His mom always said that he should give it to the girl he was going to marry and he just knew it would be you.

“Now my stupid gift looks cheesy so here.” You reached behind the pillow to pull out a larger box. Truth be told, the Lego set was something small to start off with. Your dad was involved in the bigger present.

Peter watched you wipe your tears away with a smile on his face as he began tearing through the wrapping paper again. When his eyes caught the familiar symbol on the box, he couldn’t believe it.

“You didn’t.” He ripped the rest of the paper aggressively, revealing the new laptop box to you.

You shrugged. “Dad was in on this one too. It was his idea. I just took care of what’s on it.”

Suddenly, his strong arms were around you, pulling you into his lap. “I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it! Thank you!”

You smiled, wrapping yourself closer to him. “Anything for you, love.”

Despite his excitement to break out the new laptop, he adjusted the blanket around you, holding you impossibly closer. That’s how May found you hours later, completely buried in each other’s embrace, happy smiles on your sleepy figures. Her eyes caught the necklace resting on your chest, sending chills through her. She just smiled and clicked the light off, lightly walking into her own bedroom.

If anyone was going to hold her nephew’s heart the way it deserved to be, it was going to be you. That, May was absolutely sure of.

#peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #peter parker #avengers imagine #spider-man x reader #spider-man: homecoming #spider-man #tom holland #tom holland imagine #christmas imagine #may parker #x reader #reader insert #dad!tony #tony stark #marvel universe #marvel

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matholimieu · 6 years ago

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Last year, the worst thing that happened to me took place. On August 22nd, 2017, my sister’s house was set on fire. She lost her home, her two puppies, and her 5 month and 1 day old son.

I would like to share the Victim Impact Statement that I submitted:

I am Hunter’s uncle. I am Angie’s brother. This victim impact statement is an attempt to capture what I have had to endure and still suffer from. Although I doubt there is any way to document the full entirety of my situation, to understand any of it requires some background information.

My sister Angie

My sister is easily one of the most important and influential people in my life. I have always been very close to both my siblings, and we spend time together as we would with our best friends. As much as we try to not play favourites, my sister and I are exceptionally close because our birthdays are two days apart. Having shared so many birthdays, naturally we shared our toys, collectibles, and craft supplies. In fact, for the last couple of years, we have been playing Pokemon Go, and our father, brother, and niece have also joined in. From even our earlier years, in every argument we made sure our focus was to express how we felt, and the argument could only be won when we understood each other. A smart person learns from their mistakes - we made sure to learn from the mistakes of others and to always communicate. This is the bond I share with my sister. This is the family I almost lost.

The House

In what used to be her house, I had a second home. Only a 5 minute walk away, and a Pokestop in between, we were never far from each other. I had helped her arrange and decorate her bonus room. I had taken part in four paint nights, and the paintings could coincidentally be arranged as the four seasons. Angie proudly hung them in that room. There was a window facing bar with her vast collections of teas. It was always fully supplied with chocolates, cookies, and other treats that we would indulge in. We would talk for hours, or just sit in silence and relax with the puppies. We’ve put together jigsaw puzzles, watched movies, danced with the puppies, and played board games in that room. That bonus room was a sanctuary. It was my home away from home. This was the home that was lost.

Panpan and Bunny, the Poos

Regardless of which house I was at, if these two puppies were around, they would immediately bolt towards me as if they were my own personal paparazzi, demanding my love and attention. These two puppies would playfully knock each other over for their turns at my head pats and belly rubs. Panpan was the lazy one. Bunny was the daring and clever one. When they came to our house, Panpan would wait at the stairs for me. Meanwhile, Bunny would make her way down to the basement to seek me out. If I had slept in, she would be scratching my door; otherwise, she’d hop into my arms as I went in for hugs and cuddles. She was such a princess. Making my way upstairs, Panpan would excitedly go on his hind legs and vibrate excitedly until I gave him enough attention. These puppies were like my personal welcoming committee. This was the warmth, comfort, and love that we shared. These were the loyal dogs that refused to leave my sister’s side in their last moments.

Cordell, my brother in law

When it comes to Angie’s husband, he was one of the few things about which my sister and I did not share the same opinion. He and I had many differences in style, humour, strategy, and perspective. We often clashed with no resolution, and as much as we tried, it was difficult to find common ground. There were several times where I disliked the way he played practical jokes on my sister, and it was hard for me to see what she saw in him. It was actually difficult for me to see him as a responsible family man. I know that our confrontations were heavily influenced by our different upbringings. For that, we would dodge each other as much as we could. However, when my sister became pregnant, we unspokenly put aside our differences. Whatever our issues were, the baby would always be more important.

Cordell was clearly excited about having a child. Before learning the sex of the baby, he and my sister started buying and building a Lego collection. It became their family activity, and I would often find them at the dining table building Batmobiles and Princess Castles together. I saw them cooperate and work together. I was able to see their love. I was able to see that they would be a family. During the pregnancy, Cordell hosted several home-cooked family dinners, and made every effort to invite and involve me. This was how the baby changed him and bridged us together. We were finally able to get along. This was my brother in law.

Hunter is Born

Hunter wasn’t just a new life in our world. He brought new life to our world. In both my sister’s and my parents’ houses, there was always plenty of food on the table, and our families would dance and play with Hunter, and gather for a plentiful dinner. Cordell and Angie would continue to build Lego, and show their baby their new creations. The puppies would be jealous of Hunter and do their best to get our attention, but eventually they became protective of Hunter. Angie and I still had our sanctuary in the bonus room, and we would often be there with Hunter and watch him peacefully sleep. There was such excitement with every discovery he made, and every new expression on his face. We all loved Hunter so much.

Without being delusional, I can say that I had a very special bond with my nephew. As with any baby, there are times when they are seemingly inconsolable. I would cradle him in my arms, sing to him, and rhythmically waltz in a circle. My singing and dancing like this soothed him. I would often see him smile and struggle to keep his eyes open. Even his loving grandmother, someone that watched over him every day and strongly bonded with, failed to lull him in the same way when she tried dancing with him.

As he got a little older, he remained a very cheerful and joyful baby. He was excited by people both familiar and unfamiliar, and was happy to be carried when they picked him up. Though after a short while, he would eventually get a little fussy and cry out for his mother. During these times, I would try my dance with him. If he stopped crying, he was fine. If he continued to cry, he really wanted his mommy. Everyone in my family knew this. This was the bond I had with Hunter.

Hunter was very clever and he learned to use this. During some fussy moments in playtime, this was his way to communicate what he wanted. There were times where he would hold back his tears upon hearing my voice or seeing me nearby. He knew that I would leave and fetch his mother if he continued to cry. This was his signal for me to stay and play with him.

On one occasion, he seemed particularly fussy and buried his head in my chest as I held him. His mother offered to take him from me, but as he turned to her, he batted away her hands. Angie had never seen him do this before, and I melted at this gesture. This was my baby nephew Hunter.

In the Middle of my School Term

A week after Hunter was born, my brother and I started a program at Edmonton Digital Arts College together. This was a ten month, Monday through Friday from 8:30 to 4:30, full-time studies program. My brother and I often relied on each other’s support to endure the intensity of this course. The class had a total of 9 students so we all got to know each other very well, including the instructors. We poured ourselves into every project, working very hard, and we looked forward to our week off in the summer.

The Sunday before our school break, it was my turn to babysit Hunter. It was nap time, and he didn’t want to leave me. So I made a nest of pillows on the bed, and laid there with him. We both gently fell asleep with him cuddled up to me. We woke up together, and I brought him back downstairs where the rest of my family was. Sitting on the couch, I was holding him upright as he wanted to stand. My sister was having a peach and fed some to him. The way he scrambled for more peach, while still wanting to be held up was simply delightful. Together, my sister and I had fed him his first peach and last peach. That was the last memory I have of him.

The Fire

Words can never capture how this happy world collapsed.

I woke up to a panicked call from my father. He told me there was a fire and it might be Angie’s house. He told me to go make sure. I’m an optimist by nature. I figured he was overreacting and paranoid, but I started getting dressed so I could put him at ease. I didn’t make it out of my room when I heard the cracked voice of my mother crying out to me. This was a voice I had learned to fear as it meant something was incredibly wrong. I ran up to find my mother escorted by the police. Between translating and trying to be strong, I knew I needed to be as calm as I could. She told me that the house was completely burned down.

My mother and I were forbidden to leave our home. All we were told was that the firemen got people out, and that they were at the hospital. Still the optimist, I figured it was just an accident of some sort, but everyone made it out. They were just doing their routine checks to make sure everyone was okay. I patiently waited as my mother scrounged for ideas on what she could do while we were grounded at our home.

I was then told that my sister was at a different hospital than her baby, and that she was in intensive care. I still tried to remain calm - “a fire had just happened and she suffered the worst of it, but she’ll be fine” I told myself and my mother. Victim services came to our door. They told us the unreal news of how Hunter didn’t make it. All hope, all optimism disappeared and I was lost. I tried my best to listen and take in all the information they were telling me as my mother demanded a translation. I had to be strong to support my mother, so I had to push my emotions down. There was such chaos in everything happening all at once. This was now the world I had to live in.

Seeing my sister in the Intensive Care Unit was absolutely brutal. There she was, unconscious, my sister, darkened from all the ash, yet pale from all the life drained away from her. I had been all wrong, and my mind couldn’t help but be in a dark place. I might lose my closest and best friend. I wished so hard for her to recover, but what then? She has to wake up to a world where everything she had is gone, and that’s if she wakes up. Worse yet, we have to tell her that her son, her life, is gone. Not only did I have to be strong to support my mother, I had to be strong to support my sister. I pushed my emotions down even further.

When she was in a more stable condition, my sister woke up despite her sedation. Barely conscious, she had tubes down her throat and could not make a sound. The first thing she did was cradle her arms together, pleading to us for her baby. We all just told her to try and rest so she could recover, but she kept rocking her arms back and forth. The doctors increased the sedation and put her back to sleep. It was not fair to keep the truth from her, but we needed to take some precautionary steps before telling her. Under the doctor’s advisement, her arms had to be restrained for everyone’s safety including her own. After the preparations were made, we all took a deep breath to ready ourselves.

That moment was the hardest thing I had ever had to witness in my life. She slowly opened her eyes, and tried to make the baby gesture. Although the restraints were in place, she could still make a bit of that motion. My brother gently told her that Hunter was in heaven. Even now, it’s impossible for me to imagine how that moment was for her: arms tied down; people trying to hold her down; a tube down her throat, unable to scream; having lost everything and unable to do anything. Her eyes were scrunched as tears burst uncontrollably. She kept tossing her head in refusal, desperately looking for a way to be free. She and I locked eyes and all I could see was pain and desperation. The silence made it so much worse. I was powerless to help. I was helpless.

That image will forever haunt me. There are nights where I still can’t sleep, or wake up in the middle of the night, because that moment keeps playing back over and over again. There are nights where I am exhausted, and I can’t stop my imagination. My train of thought takes me to the night of the fire, and all I see are flames, my sister, the baby, and the puppies trapped behind the fire, desperately gasping for air. I can’t help but dwell on how afraid, lonely, and hopeless they would have felt. These images keep appearing when I close my eyes, and although this happens less frequently now, it was impossible to get rest for months. This is life now.

Schooling after

The week that my brother and I were supposed to have as a break from school was spent at the hospital waiting for my sister to awaken. When school started up again, we alternated days for attendance so that we could both continue our studies but at the same time be there for my sister. We had already dedicated so much to this career path, and neither of us wanted to withdraw. Not having enough rest, missing classes, and being distracted detracted from our grades.

Cordell after

I did my best to be supportive to Cordell. He had lost just as much as my sister. After such a huge loss, he became desperate to try set things right and prepare for my sister’s return from the hospital. However, he did it in such disturbing and irrational ways that we started to fight again. We each had so much pain, and we took it out on each other in our arguments. I said many things that I regret - deep and hurtful things. It wasn’t just me. He and my sister in law had such a terrible encounter that to this day they cannot be in the same room.

Angie after

After some rehabilitation, the hospital discharged my sister so that she could rest in the comfort of family. At night, my sister was not able to get physically comfortable as her injuries would flare up. She would go back and forth between the bed and the sofa, continuously adjusting her elevation and position. During the rare time she was comfortable, she was still unable to sleep from fear and trauma. If the temperature was too high, she felt suffocated. When it was sunrise, and the room lit up ever so slightly, the dim glow would remind her of the fire. She couldn’t help staying awake as she was terrified of waking up to another attack. My sister avoided leaving the house whenever possible as the shame, humiliation, and attention was too much to handle. I did my best to keep her company and reassure her of our safety and security. However, I also had similar fears of being attacked, and I had to do everything I could to hide such uncertainty from her.

Me after

I wanted to be strong for my sister. Knowing her situation was so much worse, I decided to push aside my own issues. Going back to school served as a distraction, but it also meant putting my emotions on hold. In many ways, I did not have a proper chance to grieve until after it was all done, so I sought professional help.

I am not a violent person, but I am very creative. After discovering who was responsible for starting the fire, my mind was filled with horrible things I wanted to do. There is such hatred and animosity that I have. I don’t want to be this kind of person. I try to reflect on forgiveness and how to be a better person, but I am in such a dark place, I outright refuse to. Why do I have to be the better person? Why should I? I’m not ready to let go, but I don’t want to be this kind of person.

For the longest time, every day started off with too many thoughts and too many questions. It felt like a physical heavy weight in my chest, and a sinking void in my gut. It was suffocating. At times I literally stop breathing, and desperately gasp for air when I finally catch myself. I can no longer bring myself to sing or listen to the songs we used to share. Every morning feels muggy and uncomfortably silent. And that’s usually when I feel guilty for dwelling on my pain, when I know Angie and Cordell have it so much worse.

I have become an introverted shell of who I used to be. I feel broken, and nothing can fix any part of it. I can no longer be Hunter’s uncle.

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