#my music taste is all over the place so i promise im not gonna recommend the same 3 songs/artists lol

[chiimeramanticore]

i feel like my interests these days are largely in music and I never talk abt the music I like so. send me an ask with literally anything inside it and I will give you a music rec (bonus points if you recommend me a song back or tell me what kinda music you like so I can tailor my rec a little bit)

[luci-cunt]

ALSO DROP YOUR RECS FOR GETTING INTO DSMP FOR MAI AND ALSO FOR THE PEOPLE BC MINE ARE BAD AND NOT HELPFUL

k i’m avoiding like 4 assignments by doing this thank kyou so much but!

HERE’S A MASTERPOST FOR PPL WANTING TO GET INTO DSMP SHIT

lol bc there’s like, so god damned much of it and it’s super overwhelming I don’t blame u for being intimidated. (DISCLAIMER: y’all im not an expert, the only pov’s I really watch are Techno’s, Tommy’s, Tubbo’s, and Fundy’s so take my advice with a grain of salt. Also I’m so sorry but I don’t have the time to put actual links on everything T-T plz forgive)

First of all: I’m separating y’all into squads so listen up and remember your squad bc half the fun of DSMP is curating your own watching experience

PRO squad: you like lore heavy streams that are still fun but have ppl acting more often than not and putting lots of effort into making their characters/ stories complex? You go here. You’re gonna want to stick with Ranboo streams. Wilbur Soot’s also a good option, and Badboyhalo too OH AND Karl!!. 

-Sub categories: 

Kid friendly wholesome: badboyhalo is the most wholesome, rn he’s goin thru a villain arc but he’s still very kid friendly and wholesome Chaotic and angsty: Wilbur’s ur guy, rn he’s doin a ghost arc and it’s angsty as hell but also chaotic as fuck. He’s a fantastic storyteller tho with great lore Angsty but wholesome: Ranboo also an excellent motherfucker who’s puts so much effort into his streams down to specific music/ hidden easter eggs just--everything he’s great Scripted and SLAPPING: Karl’s “Tales from the SMP” FUCK, I think there’s only one ep out rn?? and it takes place in the future of DSMP. 

BUILD squad: you like watching blockmen stack blocks into cool shapes but also want a lil taste of story? Philza Minecraft, and Awesamdude have your back babey. (Tubbo is also kind of on this list but he’s getting his own category)

-Sub categories

Dad vibes but make them bloodthirsty: Philza! He’ll blow up a city cuz it sounds like fun but also says things like “save your money for a house first Tubbo, then think about buying a Ferrari.” Also he’s a fucking incredible builder and he spent 5 years on one hardcore world turnign the end into a giant ocean biomb go watch that video it’s worth it Dad vibes but make them capitalist: Awesamdude!!! He built the most insane prison on the server and he’s adorable

ENTERTAIN ME squad: do you not know basically anything about minecraft and just want to be entertained? You like a bit of lore but not having everything be super serious all the time? Techno, Tubbo, Tommy, and Fundy are the bastards for you

-Sub categories

UNADULTURATED CHAOS but intellectually: Techno. He’s basically a chaos god who has no qualms putting in literally months worth of time and dedication into practically meaninglessly funny goals. Anarchist pig with fashion sense--what’s not to love? Chaos, lore, angst, hilarity: FUNNDDDYYY!!!!! He’s fucking hilarious, also really good at character stuff??? I love him, haven’t watched many of his streams yet but they slap Chill, turn on in the background vibe: Tubbo!!! Literally Tubbo is just so chill until every once in a while he snaps and goes mad scientist it’s great. He’s literally anxiety relief in the form of a 17 year old, 12/10, also will whip out fucking excellent lore skills out of nowhere. I get bored easily by streams: TOMMY!!! This kid honestly has no right being fucking hilarious, he’s a bit abrasive but I promise it grows on you. He’ll make 2 hour long streams seem like 5 minutes and your lungs will be on the verge of collapsing. Also able to kill it with lore.

this was rushed I’m so sorry but I need to go read like four more scholarly essays and take an environmental science quiz on a chapter I never read so wish me luck and enjoy!! <33

(oh also also: if u don’t wanna watch 2hr long streams there’s also TONS of highlight channels on youtube dedicated to posting lore highlights/ funny moments/ etc. DreamSMP Daily is the first one that popped up in my youtube feed but there’s tons and I promise as soon as u start watching dsmp vids they’ll be all over your recommended’s)

k byeee

[cullxtheherd]

hello fellow Jacob Seed thots aficionados! all i recommend you do for this train wreck of a post is that you click  [🆇] when you see it - it’s a link (youtube) to a song that this post is based on. enjoy! 

my fucking gOD can you imagine being The Deputy™ and you finally have a night of free cares- no worries; really time to just relax and let loose. maybe? sharky and hurk are the only ones either dumb or crazy enough to try and get you out of hope county in the first place and, with nick rye in the sky? safely, too.

Being the kind of people Drubman and Boshaw are the first establishment you manage to see the inside of is a well stocked, crowded and rowdy bar promising ‘Open Mic Night’ but for now the jukebox remains a constant in the background, letting loose unfortunately catchy new-age country music.

Despite their promises of taking it ‘easy on ya’ Dep’ the team aptly self-named Shurky orders up a round of the cheapest, stiffest rack whiskey: no chaser. Next up is a pitcher of Pabst a piece which they challenge each other to drink as quickly as they can. Mostly? They make a mess but it’s harmless, boisterous fun and, overall, it makes you laugh- really laugh for the first time in weeks.

Two pitchers each and three rounds deep the jukebox is interrupted suddenly by the hum-squeak of a microphone turned on to an already humming and too-loud overhead speaker system. The ‘emcee’ for the night is some guy that likely operates out of his van in his sister’s lawn and does kids parties on the side- balding, overweight, greasy and unenthusiastic to boot.

Lamely and unimpressed you return to your table and your drinks and when generic munchie food arrives the lot of you are all too glad to forget the stage and it’s first few acts careening along in the background. 

It’s nearly midnight before Hercules declares he’s gonna stop drinking so he can drive straight but, then, suddenly, the tequila arrives and the three of you start making friends with nearby patrons. You aren’t sure when, exactly, but the din of the crowd breaks and, like the majority of them your attention is finally drawn to the stage and you are genuinely horrified by what you see.

The long, large and lunking form of one of your mortal enemies. All six foot whatever of him, hunched to meet the microphone. Boots casually draped on the rungs of a much-too-small stool cursed with bearing the brunt of him his eyes, thankfully, are closed and in combination with the shitty overhead lights and highly underqualified lighting and sound ‘technician’ you can relax, safely hidden away in the blinding congregation.

[🆇]

Jacob Seed produces a noise more pleasant than you’d have imagined in a lifetime and for all of his hacking and coughing and raspiness over the radio? He is capable of producing a clarity that is startling. For a time - however brief, however fleeting - you allow yourself to daydream around this glorified, crooning image. Fantasy takes you places you are much too comfortable with for your own liking: fireside in an abandoned cabin, calmly under a billowing breeze beside the river- anywhere but here and, more unsettlingly, a l o n e.

“Are you seein’ what in the fuckitty fuck fuuuck I am Sharkules?”

“Yeah in the,” He hiccups, grips tight on the neck of his Miller High Life, “Heckin fuck I am Hurky- auh? H u r? Yeah. Hurky?!”

Although you are definitely keen on absorbing every spare moment of their carefree, childlike banter you are intensely focused and the half annoyed half amazed conversation fizzles out in favor of rhythm and soul instead. Before you can get too comfortable floating in whimsy here he leans in, lips against the mic and responding to the crowd, “Thank you.”

For the moment you are? Disappointed at the small, humble taste. But when the crowd quiets enough he begins picking out another pleasant rhythm.

[🆇] 

“I’m startin’ to hate this Hercules.”

“Shit I got the damn willies,” He sounds as ashamed as you feel, “I need a bigger, better drink for this.”  

“Count me in,” You respond without really thinking, eyes still hopelessly fixated on the warbling ginger.

In your infinitesimal, imaginary universe he sings for you- about you; what if he does? He has been very nearly romancing you as it is; however violent and brutal he has been about it in following his twisted, sadistic plans- you’ve even heard his song in the wilderness of the Henbane River region. Had he been following you this entire time, taking notes and making plans?

Is this about you? Does he know you are here- had he followed the three of you?

Before you can get any further he’s announcing his final song. The declaration is tumultuous- are you upset? Happy? Conflicted, you decide is the only word near to whatever this is. The final chords begin and all at once he is answering every question you haven’t asked this evening: he does, he is- he has been.

[🆇]

This is, without a single shred of doubt as his eyes single yours out in the crowd, about you.

yeha hi im back on my bullshit! it’s round?? i’m not even fuckign suRE! of: Jacob Seed wrote the Peggie music so he sings, fiGHT ME!!! and, just a friendly reminder: no i do not think nor am i suggesting that large, sasquatch of a man sounds like this person in this video just? use your imagination skjdksjdfdfj ok thaNk you for ur time and patience bYE

[onthepageoftears]

As Planned (Otis Milburn x Reader) //Sex Education

A/N: I don’t write smut, but i decided to take this request and spin it so it was pg! Also im not sure if i liked the way it came out, so lemme know what you think! 

Request: @bangtanarmy241 you think you could do an Otis x reader smut where the reader goes to his clinic to ask advice on asking the guy she likes how to have sex with him and Otis gets all flustered cuz he likes the reader? And they end up having sex? Sorry if that’s confusing. LOVE YOUR WORK BTW

Summary: Eric thought it’d be a good idea for you to use the clinic for advice on your crush...but it doesn’t go as planned.

Warnings: language and fluff

Words: 1,243

Please Don’t Plagiarize My Work!

This was Eric’s idea.

You’ve been crushing on Eric’s best friend, Otis, for quite some time now. You were slightly ashamed of it, mostly because you were too shy to talk to the boy, but also because you had never dated anyone before and always assumed he would like someone else. Eric tried to tell you otherwise, but you wouldn’t listen.

“He doesn’t like me,” you’d say, shaking your head. “And if he did, I wouldn’t know how to talk to him anyway.”

That was when Eric told you about the new clinic. It was run by someone he knew, but he wouldn’t tell you who.

“They’ll certainly help you with your problem.” He smirked, and you assumed it was because he loved to tease you. But you decided to sign up for it, shamefully giving Maeve the money and scheduling your meeting in the most secluded place possible: the asbestos bathrooms. You didn’t want the ‘therapist’ to see you, just in case this whole clinic thing was a sham.

When you got to the bathrooms, it would be an understatement to say you were nervous. You waited in the stall like Maeve instructed, wiping your clammy hands on your pants. After a while, you heard the shuffling of shoes entering the stall next to you, a huff escaping from the person’s lips.

“Hello,” they said, and the voice sounded a bit familiar, but you couldn’t place why. You shook your head, assuming it was nothing. “How can I help you?”

“Well…” you hesitated. Maybe this was a bad idea.

“This is a safe space. You can tell me anything, and it will be confidential. I promise.” The voice was soothing, and you decided whoever it was was right. You trusted Eric, after all, and if he recommended this to you you might as well give it a go.

“I like this boy. He’s in my grade, but I don’t know how to talk to him. I don’t even know if he likes me the same way, and I’m too embarrassed to ask.” You took a deep breath, tapping your foot in anticipation of the ‘therapist’s’ response.

“Well, if you really like this person then you should tell them how you feel. Maybe you could do it subtly, so that if they like you back they’ll respond the right way, but if they don't, they won’t. That way, you won’t get hurt or embarrassed.”

You quirked a brow, nodding your head. This guy was good. Maybe if you complimented Otis or insinuated something as a joke, you could see if he would reciprocate your flirting. You realized that the therapist couldn’t see your nodding, and cleared your throat.

“So what do you suggest?”

“Well, if you don’t mind, could you tell me who the person is? I could help you more if I knew what type of person we are dealing with.”

You bit your lip, unsure if that was a good idea. The dude on the other side of the stall was good so far, and it seemed like you could trust him. But what if it was all a ploy, and he went around telling everyone about your pathetic crush?

Eric wouldn’t suggest this if he knew it was bad, you thought, trying to ignore the silence in the bathroom. Besides, he said he knew the guy personally. That must count for something.

“You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to.” The voice interrupted your thoughts, but you shook your head at his words.

“It’s okay. Um…it’s Otis. Otis Milburn.”

The bathroom was silent again, and you waited for the boy’s response. He must’ve been thinking of who it was. Otis was a shy boy, and not many people knew of him. You cleared your throat, thinking of the best ways to describe the boy.

You paused, waiting for him to say something. When he still didn’t respond, you found yourself talking. “He’s got the most amazing blue eyes, and pale skin with dark hair-”

“No, I know who it is. I just…you like Otis?”

“Yeah.” You frowned, looking to the stall wall as if you were looking at the boy. “Why? Is he a creep or something?”

“No!” The boy yelled, making you jump. “I mean…no. But…why do you like him?”

You frowned. “Um. Well, he’s really cute. He does this thing when he’s nervous, where he scratches the back of his neck. And he loves music. He’s got the best taste. He’s also just really interesting. I’m pretty sure his mom has a weird job as a-“ You stopped, eyes widening with realization. You looked down under the stall of the bathroom, trying to see the boy next to you. All you could see were his shoes and pants, but you had a feeling something was off. “Otis?”

“Yeah?” You stood up from the toilet seat, a gasp erupting from your lips. “I mean, not Otis. I’m not Otis!”

By then, you were out of the stall, running through the door of the asbestos bathroom and trying not to look behind you. You couldn’t believe it. Otis was the sex therapist? It made sense…it made so much sense. You couldn’t believe you didn’t see it before.

“Wait!” You heard the call behind you, but you didn’t look. You didn’t want him to see you, especially after you said all that embarrassing stuff. Your luck ran out, though, when he caught up to you, grabbing your hand and turning you towards him. “Y/N?” He stared in disbelief, but you were already talking over him.

“Oh my god I can’t believe I fell for this. I swear to god I’m gonna kick Eric’s ass-“

“Eric?” Otis frowned, still recovering from what just happened. He placed his palms on his forehead, trying to put the pieces together. Eventually, he just ended up letting out an exasperated: “What?”

You took a deep breath, trying to calm the undoubtable redness from your cheeks. “I told Eric that I liked you, but I didn’t know how to ask you out. And he told me to come to the clinic to get help, which I now see was a setup.” You hugged your arms around your waist, trying to avoid Otis’ eyes. “I’m sorry this is so awkward.”

“Awkward?” Otis smiled, and you noticed the blush on his cheeks as well.

“I…I made a fool of myself.”

You expected him to agree, to nod his head and say his goodbyes, ready to tell the whole school about your confession of love. Instead, he smiled warmly. “Who said you made a fool of yourself?”

You tilted your head, not believing his words. “You don’t…”

“I do.” He scratched the back of his neck, blushing even harder. “I really do.”

“Oh.” You stood there for a second, staring at him dumbly. You never thought this moment would ever happen, but here you were, standing in front of (a very cute) Otis, who just told you he liked you. “This is weird.” You hadn’t realized you said it out loud.

“Yeah, kind of.” He laughed, scratching his forehead with a single finger. “Do you want to…maybe…go on a date sometime?”

“Yeah.” You smiled, and after exchanging numbers with the boy, you didn’t think you would ever stop smiling. And even though you had the urge to kick Eric’s ass, you also had the urge to thank him.

[riskeith]

hii!

oh right! i forgot that you can see the ask while responding hehe. i wish that was the case for moi as well because i have all our convos screenshotted because of this.

(actually not really? like my appearance is super girly and i like ~girly~ things but i also love the dudebro culture.. it do be like that. wbu?) WHY DID THE TSUKISHIMA IS NOT A TR*MP SUPPORTER SEND ME.... now who the hell would even say that and be serious... some people man i’m telling you.

diluc 🤝 razor 🤝 fischl animals over their heads.

oo.. you sparked my attention.. will def check it out. i was too busy playing last night to read anything but Today I Will.

OH YEAH I’VE SEEN THOSE cyberpunk is such a messy game sndhdkdhfjsk. HOLY SHIT THAT TRAILER MADE ME SO EXCITED! sjshdkdjfjdk god this game is so amazing yet fucking huge... how the hell will it fit any phone if it keeps getting bigger and bigger..?

nooo don’t worry i’m having fun tbh. and i’m super motivated too so that might be the case. also i switched the dub to japanese just before venti’s story mission and i’m loving it so much. thankfully there isn’t too much battle yet to distract me but god i love all their voices so far. venti... hinata finally started to actual fly. i like diluc’s voice too! love his actually, super fitting for his character. 🥺

WOULD KEITH LOOK LIKE THIS IRL... he probably would 😭 greasy boy lived in the desert his hair is probably so bad 😭 what kind of mullet would you want though? like s1 keith or s7 keith? or do you have a specific kpop artist’s hair you wanna replicate? OOO.... rock star? 😳💢 what’s your clothing style if you had to describe it? also what are your thoughts about tattoos and piercings? since we’re on the topic of punk rock hdjdsksj.

idk why i find your beef with slow songs so funny aksjdhdjdhdjsk like i can just imagine you groaning bc a song doesn’t pick up the pace lol (omo...... where would we go? 😳)

treasure hoarders are fun to fight bc they just cuss you the fuck out sjdkdkshd. i like when they yell at you yet they’re so weak like fuck off dude. THE HILICHURLS ARE KIND OF CUTE YOU’RE RIGHT especially the ones that dance or sleep and you interrupt them... 🥺 personally i like fighting the slimes i think they’re adorable. they just bounce and their music isn’t too loud or annoying. you know what i fucking hate? goddamn ruin guards i can’t stand them and their aggressive music dhdjdkshs. their drop rates are shit but hilichurls are also the most common enemy, right?

after dinner? aww. same! it’s such a nice way to wind down; a cup of tea and some candle lights.. i love all of those flavors Except matcha, it just doesn’t work for me kdhddk i feel like green tea tastes like grass.. sometimes i drink it bc it’s healthy but i’m Not happy. otherwise i’m like you i drink practically everything. mostly black tea though because that’s what most common in my culture i suppose. djdkdj i used to be so good at drinking water but since i’ve been at home a lot it’s been getting worse... i do have a water bottle by my side always bc as much as i drink other things clean water is important too! are you good at drinking water?

do you know about the euphoria make up style though? it’s super colorful and lots of glitter and abstract shapes it’s so amazing and it would fit xiao so well. like imagine him in bold aqua and purple make up with lots of shimmer... 🥴

hehe, can’t wait to hear from you! <3 (and yeah! no i figure i’ll just keep it so you’ll at least know my name.. we’ve been talking since oct it’s only fair.. right?)

heya!! 

ghdgkjdfg i do be taking up your photo gallery tho <33

(:o! i reckon i’m pretty much of a tomboy, tho i’m definitely stereotypically girly too.. but sometimes i have a hard time relating to other girls so hsfjdhfksd) FHSKFSD yeah ikr like.... sometimes it really aint that deep there are no other sides to it LOL

i hope you enjoy it!!!!!!!!!!!!! i sure did i reread it as well a few days ago ahaha

IKRRR I REWATCH THE TRAILER AGAIN EVERY NOW AND THEN JUST BC LIKE,,,, THE HYPE. that’s actually a good point tho lmao like??????? buys a phone/device JUST for genshin fhsdkjfhskdfs

nice!!! hope you enjoy the japanese dub hehehe. and omg that’s so cute 😭😭😭 he’s tobe flying now... and yasss diluc’s VA is really popular too his voice is 👌 sehr gut

FHDFKJSDHK EWWW. yikes i don’t remember his hair but i think s1?? it was shorter then right... “tidier” lol i feel like at s7 it was kinda outta control fhskfjds. and yeah!! https://twitter.com/worldsbestmulet/status/1186534890415644673 < he was my insp for a bit bc we’re both chinese so i think realistically i could look somewhat close if i tried fhskjfhds but also https://i.pinimg.com/originals/de/7b/fc/de7bfc8c52603abd7c69dc558c9c8bfe.jpg is what i showed my hairdresser when i wanted an undercut hfksdjfds. my clothing style is legit just: whatever’s comfortable. it’s pretty much all sports branded clothes fhskfjsd and i live in my hoodie + trackies lollllll. but last year w uni i wanted to step up my fashion game (rip) and i wanna buy more street style clothes!! they’re just... quite expensive lmaooo. what’s yours like? 

and i like them!! when i was 14 i wanted to get a tongue piercing FKHDSHFKSDHFKSD but i never did lol. but i did get a double helix piercing in dec finally!!!!!!! i think i’m done now tbh (aside from that i only have my lobes pierced) but yeah it’s not a big desire of mine. i had a dream once tho where i was decked out in piercings and thought it was very Cool. as for tattoos, i’ve always wanted to get one! and last year i was lowkey toying around with the idea of getting a sleeve but realistically i cannot bc well. med. (if anyone reading this has a good stable well paying job for me that’ll allow me to quit uni... hmu FHSFHDSFKJSD) you??

FHSKDFHDS yeahhh it’s so awkward when people are recommending me songs and it’s slow bc im just like “mm yeah it’s nice.” and if it does actually pick up the pace then i’m like “i liked the fast parts” FHSDKFSD. (wherever you want to go baby 😉 wait omg..... read running on air that just have me.. roa vibes HFKJDSHFKSHFKSD) 

yes!! i love those hilichurls sm... AHAHAHH i used to hate ruin guards too but now they’re actually one of my faves dhfdskj. you know what’s so annoying tho. dendro slimes when i don’t have any pyro users on me. or when i can’t find them and the music has just started up out of noweher hfdskjf. yeahhh i think they are but :(( you can’t tell me “dropped by lvl 60+ hilichurls” and not have them drop it for me.. 

ahaha that’s fair!! i adamantly did not try anything matcha until like 2018/19 and then wow. a whole new world opened up to me and now i only get matcha whenever i go places fhdskj. ooft... yeah i’m really good at drinkng water it’s the only thing i drink lol... and i’m always just drinking and refilling my cup and giving myself an excuse to leave my room fhskjds.

yeah i think i have an idea! mostly just zendaya in the song thumbnails fhskdfjs but i am picturing a lot of glitter!! that image wow...... his colour palette is so 🤩🤩

(omg since oct... has it been that long already 😳 but okay if that’s what you’re happy with!! i promise i won’t accidentally out you here ahaha. also! when you reach co-op send me your UID in a separate ask!! i’ll delete it after i add you im just paranoid about you sharing your uid anywhere public hfskdjfhsd) 

babe.. this thread https://twitter.com/seungjinphobia/status/1349001013978533890?s=21 no thoughts head empty.

omg 😭😭😭😭😭😭 i cannot... their dynamic is literally xiao: someone’s gonna die >:( venti: of fun! :D JHFSKFHDSKJFSK i can’t take it someone stop them!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhdkjfhaofisdhliajdfhdsjkfhgsliudfhasdkjhdasjgadsj

hope your day has been wonderful so farrrrr OH ALSO I FINALLY MADE MY GENSHIN TWITTER FOR CHONGYUN... will share over co-op maybe.. i haven’t really set it up yet hfskdjds

[verdigrisprowl]

July 17 Dancitron Movie Night - Sing

Swoop and Tarantulas got in a small kerfuffle and Prowl sent a flying kick at Swoop, and honestly Prowl jumping into a fight with a Dinobot is easily the dumbest thing he’s done all month.

Soundwave, Tarantulas and Prowl hung out after movie night was over. The contents of said hangout are still being roleplayed out and the chatlog is forthcoming. Highlights of what IS included in this log: Tarantulas has promised to capture a bunch of cephalopods for Soundwave, Bevel, and Prowl to meet. (Prowl doesn’t really care about meeting them all that much, but he decided to come along anyway so that Soundwave gets to meet three more species.)

ItsyBitsySpyers 7:48 pm *Soundwave settles in on his usual spot, props his legs up with one feeler, and uses the other to give himself a head massage.* Swoop 7:50 pm *scampers in smelling like a furnace* ItsyBitsySpyers 7:50 pm [[Please smoke outside.]] Swoop 7:50 pm *which isn't measurably different from how he usually smells, but much more ... immediate this time around* What? Oh! Kehehehhehheh Me Swoop not on fire it okay :> *is a stinky stinker today, be prepared to get ash on all the things* best decepticon leader 7:52 pm ((We don't have Starbuck's here, is it good? FakeProwl 7:52 pm *appears, claims h is usual spot, and then gives soundwave a vaguely semi-concerned look. why headrub?* ItsyBitsySpyers 7:52 pm [[Try to contain your smell, then. We will have other guests.]] ((idk i don't like coffee haha)) Swoop 7:52 pm ((I don't drink coffee but their hot chocolate isn't bad.)) Uhh... how? Keheh FakeProwl 7:53 pm ((same. their ice tea tastes like ice tea, nothing super special. def overpriced.) Tarantulas 7:54 pm (( starbucks is like fancy-mcdonalds of coffee tbqh Bevel 7:54 pm [[starbucks is ok for like fastfood/chain shop coffee. i like their chai [[not much of a coffee drinker tbh Bay 7:56 pm (( *settles into chat* i didn't know who to bring, bc it's been a while. So for now I'm just a bunny 8D )) FakeProwl 7:56 pm ((eyyyy)) ((... i don't think i ever played with you on this account but hiiiiii)) ItsyBitsySpyers 7:57 pm ((fifteen minute warning. y'all get your snacks and drinks and bathroom breaks)) Swoop 7:57 pm ((thanks mom)) Bay 7:58 pm (( WELL idk about tumblr, but we've def played in the chat before -- looong time ago Bevel 7:58 pm [[roger roger, slender Bay 7:58 pm (( *with Prowl, I mean )) FakeProwl 7:58 pm ((did we?? which of your characters?)) Bay 7:59 pm (( I remember I came in as Jazz a few times? Unless there are secretly more Prowls than I'm aware of Bevel 7:59 pm [[all the prowls FakeProwl 7:59 pm ((............ you have too many characters, which jazz are you)) Bay 8:00 pm (( it was just an NPC Jazz on Twincast's blog boomtank 8:00 pm ((gdi bay Bevel 8:00 pm [[...was that my prowl? Swoop 8:00 pm Her Carly make a cake for Sparkplug birthday Chip say it taller than him And them laugh and then Sludge try to touch and it SMASH dead cake Bevel 8:01 pm *oh right here now just in time whoo, trudges over to her seat* Bay 8:01 pm ((...you know, now I'm doubting myself. HM.)) Swoop 8:01 pm *IS A BABY DRAGON sort of* FakeProwl 8:01 pm ((mighta been ur prowl, i don't specifically remember playing with an NPC jazz)) ((was the prowl you played with Aligned or IDW? im IDW)) Clich A 8:02 pm It is I, who is a bunny now apparently. Impact 8:02 pm *nyooms in* What's the moooovie? Swoop 8:02 pm *pretends to cough and pounds his chest so a little flame flickers out* *sparkplug taught him that one* :> Bevel 8:02 pm *makes room for tiny Impact* Impact 8:02 pm 3:D Bay 8:03 pm ((I do not recall. It was probably literally over a year ago at this point. I'mma give it a shrug. I remember them debating Twincast's defection to the decepticons, but that's about it? )) boomtank 8:03 pm -trots in and glances around for a seat- ItsyBitsySpyers 8:03 pm *Soundwave nods to the assorted newcomers and lifts his datapad to double-check the title. Once he sees what it is, he wonders why he even needed to do that.* [[Sing.]] Bevel 8:03 pm [[oh then it was probably definitely mine as it's been over a year since i've rp'd anything Tarantulas 8:03 pm *erring on the wrong side of caution, tarantulas arrives in root size, his usual mess of legs and fur, "sneaks" over to try and surprise prowl and/or soundwave* Swoop 8:04 pm *notices that he has dust, dirt, and/or ash falling off himself* FakeProwl 8:04 pm ((i don't remember that debate so yeah, prob not mine)) Swoop 8:04 pm *proceeds to jump somewhat in place to make a bigger mess* *good job swoop* Bay 8:04 pm ((Then I've had y'all mixed up for that long LOL. geez. this is what I get for crossing fandoms)) FakeProwl 8:05 pm ((i think we probably haven't played since i drifted off of starscream? unless we played on my drift at some point)) Swoop 8:05 pm *fuck clean floors, anarchy for life* Bay 8:05 pm ((I played w/ Drift as Kid. I know that for a fact. FakeProwl 8:06 pm ((THAT'S right. So it has been more recent than starscream.)) ((STILL. far too long.)) ((u jumped to megaman with butters, didn't you?)) Bevel 8:06 pm [[nice seeing you again, bay boomtank 8:06 pm ((Baaaaay what have you been up to? Bay 8:06 pm (( I DID and then to Yugioh & it's been. 8T I have regrets)) FakeProwl 8:06 pm ((lol)) ((how's that anime hell treating you)) Impact 8:07 pm ((i used to highkey adore yugioh but then the original series ended)) Bevel 8:07 pm [[*has been buried in the marvel fandom since leaving tf, so many regrets* FakeProwl 8:07 pm ((marvel's a rough place to be rn)) Bay 8:08 pm ((TBH there's a lot of drama in YGO and it's p elitist. idk. I play a filler character which means few ppl will give me the time of day)) Impact 8:08 pm ((awww, that sucks)) FakeProwl 8:08 pm ((tch. sucks for them.)) boomtank 8:08 pm ((their loss Bay 8:08 pm ((Also, I've had to make a whole new universe/timeline for every new character I encounter ((and I scream rl loud)) FakeProwl 8:09 pm ((ugh god ygo is one of those fandoms?)) Clich A 8:09 pm ((Oh wow, that can go to heckie.)) Bay 8:09 pm ((YEP FakeProwl 8:09 pm ((i can't STAND roleplaying in fandoms where everyone insists on a separate verse for every character interaction)) boomtank 8:09 pm ((that...kinda REALLY sucks Bevel 8:09 pm [[oh geez, i hate that FakeProwl 8:09 pm ((WHAT ABOUT CONTINUITY? WHAT ABOUT CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT??)) Bay 8:09 pm ((there are a few group unis, but it's. ugh &&YEAH. P MUCH.)) Bevel 8:10 pm [[what about the fun of playing with eight different versions of the same character all at once and having to make up nicknames to keep them all straight Swoop 8:10 pm Soundwavwe ItsyBitsySpyers 8:10 pm *If Tarantulas has made his way over to Soundwave, he'll find that the feeler massaging Soundwave's head turns and tries to catch him instead* [[Yes?]] Swoop 8:10 pm This sound like Her Carly sleepy music You put on LOUD FUN stuff!!! Clich A 8:10 pm Got any Miles davis in this playlist? FakeProwl 8:10 pm ((you haven't truly roleplayed until you've made a "Soundwave liked this post" bingo card and couldn't even fit all the Soundwave URLs on it.)) ItsyBitsySpyers 8:11 pm [[One something more Swoop's style and then that, as requested.]] Swoop 8:11 pm :> Bay 8:11 pm ((SO YEAH. I mean I've had some fun, but I wouldn't recommend it at all. 8'] I miss y'all regularly Clich A 8:11 pm Would Swoop enjoy "Screaming Jay" Hawkins? This is something I would like to know. boomtank 8:11 pm ((and your tf muses are still mia? FakeProwl 8:11 pm ((ur always welcome back here~~~)) Bay 8:12 pm ((don't tempt me)) ItsyBitsySpyers 8:12 pm ((*tempt tempt*)) Impact 8:12 pm ((*teeeeempts*)) boomtank 8:12 pm ((come baaaaack FakeProwl 8:12 pm ((also im trying to bring starscream's blog back from the dead so, yknow, folks to interact with would be VERY welcome.)) Swoop 8:12 pm *is 1000% sure Jazz has played this song while they were training before* :> Bay 8:12 pm ((also I might have to refresh here a sec, bc I just realised there's nothing playing on my end & there probably should be lmfao)) ItsyBitsySpyers 8:12 pm *Don't tell him. Someone already ruined Mr. Saxobeat.* FakeProwl 8:12 pm ((yeah, we got music going on here)) Swoop 8:13 pm *you're the one who can read minds, buddy* Bay 8:13 pm ((YEP THERE WE GO ((branch.io is very important)) Bevel 8:14 pm [[i came back as an updated version of an OC I used to play with minor plans for an old blog eventually Impact 8:14 pm ((:D)) Bay 8:14 pm ((fffff. I'd probably just come back as Twincast/his crew boomtank 8:14 pm ((awww Swoop 8:14 pm You Soundwave always do sitty music thing. Us do FIGHT stuff one day! Him Chip show games - Tekken, Mortal Kombat - fight tournament. THAT more than talky movie! Then OTHER dinobots come too!! Bevel 8:15 pm [[but bevel gets focus right now because OCs are a bit harder to establish tbh boomtank 8:15 pm ((boom gets to poke at twin again? Swoop 8:15 pm *JUMPS* Bay 8:15 pm (( /we *we'll see Tarantulas 8:15 pm *yeah, gonna try to dodge soundwave's feeler, probably fails because of the whole mess-of-legs thing* FakeProwl 8:15 pm *what's all this feeler waving abou—? oh.* Hi. boomtank 8:15 pm ((hehehe Swoop 8:15 pm *bounces straight into tara* Ka! Clich A 8:15 pm Ooh, nice, thanks Soundwave! ItsyBitsySpyers 8:16 pm *Also, the mun missed Prowl asking a question, so - a quick private text.* Clich A 8:16 pm WHo wants to big band dance with me? *Brow waggle* boomtank 8:16 pm -is just going to watch this mess of a room- Tarantulas 8:16 pm What's that sm - /ah/ Swoop 8:17 pm *catches onto a couple of tara's legs and just holds them* kehehehhehe Tarantulas 8:17 pm *ptero, meet spide* Impact 8:17 pm *wiggles by Bevel, gotta get comfy* Bevel 8:17 pm *pulls out a rust stick for Impact* Impact 8:17 pm *DELIGHTED GASP* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:18 pm @P: (txt): Sore spot. Backed into Buzzsaw sculpture during transport. Soundwave: fine. Tarantulas 8:18 pm Let go, let /go/, PLEASE. *not a fan. squirming legs will toss the kiddo around if he's not careful* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:18 pm ((ALL RIGHT SO... uh, I think there's flashing lights at some point and... and to be honest I watched this like two weeks ago so I don't remember well but I don't think there's much else?)) Swoop 8:18 pm *IMMEDIATELY clamps down once the wiggles start, it isn't even a thought, just an instinct* Tarantulas 8:19 pm *DEFINITELY not a fan* Lady306 8:19 pm ((wait I remembered a muse I could bring in w/o having to remember too much .u. )) Impact 8:19 pm ((oh?)) Swoop 8:19 pm *eventually all the parental lectures catch up with Swoop's body and he lets go* Bevel 8:19 pm *hopes this is a movie that's actually appropriate for Impact* Swoop 8:19 pm *but .... the setae feel weird on his hands* Lady306 8:19 pm ((306 -- assuming my name changes like it should)) Swoop 8:19 pm *better catch one in his fingertips and bring it with him* Bevel 8:20 pm [[it did ItsyBitsySpyers 8:20 pm ((one sec my audio glitched)) Tarantulas 8:20 pm *gonna get that servo slapped, swoop* What are you DOING. FakeProwl 8:20 pm *DISTRESSED TARANTULAS. Immediately zeroes in on the conflict.* Swoop 8:20 pm *bounces, holds up the yanked setae* Swoop grab! FakeProwl 8:20 pm *If it goes any further he's launching a flying kick at swoop's head* Lady306 8:21 pm *casually strolls in... not entirely sure what's going on, but he's going to get comfortable!* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:21 pm [[Let go, Swoop.]] ((oh ffs chrome... hold on y'all.)) Tarantulas 8:21 pm He can have the seta, for Primus's sake, but Swoop, you can't just - *inarticulate noises* Swoop 8:21 pm *cocks head* boomtank 8:22 pm -well, this is interesting to watch- Swoop 8:22 pm Can. DID! Keheheh. Tarantulas 8:22 pm You OUGHTN'T have Swoop 8:22 pm Why? Tarantulas 8:24 pm Because you don't just JUMP people you haven't - I mean, I /suppose/ we've met, but still Lady306 8:24 pm *if there's room somewhere over by Boom, he'll probably go sit by him, actually. It seems safe.* Swoop 8:24 pm Me Swoop am bomber :> ItsyBitsySpyers 8:24 pm ((OKAY FINALLY... sorry, y'all. my new computer is a glitchy piece of crap :| )) Tarantulas 8:24 pm The only bomber you are is a STINK bomber, by the way Swoop 8:24 pm ((pee on it to establish your dominance)) Impact 8:24 pm Animal movie! 3:D boomtank 8:24 pm Ah. Hello...um? Lady306 8:24 pm Hello, darling Swoop 8:24 pm Kehehehh! Yah. Me Swoop burn stuff *reaches up to try to touch the optics on Tara's forehead* FakeProwl 8:25 pm You might be a bomber, but Tarantulas is neither an enemy nor a target, and should not be treated as such. Tarantulas 8:25 pm *stands up straight for once so swoop can't reach* best decepticon leader 8:25 pm ((technical difficulties FakeProwl 8:25 pm Tarantulas, come over here. *he's going to be an anti-Dinobot shield* boomtank 8:25 pm -there's space, and Boom is probably a safe bet- Lady306 8:26 pm *and a cute bet* Swoop 8:26 pm *grabs tara's shoulder and steps on his knee to try to climb up* KEHEHEHEH Tarantulas 8:26 pm Ah - *don't have to tell him twice, prowl, tara's scrambling over to ya* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:26 pm *Makes room* Tarantulas 8:26 pm *and falling over because he got climbed on* FakeProwl 8:26 pm *THAT'S IT, THAT'S THE SIGNAL FOR THE FLYING KICK* Swoop 8:26 pm *SWOOP WINS* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:27 pm [[SWOOP.]] boomtank 8:27 pm -wait, what?- Swoop 8:27 pm Hi :> FakeProwl 8:27 pm *admittedly there isn't much weight behind a hollow holomatter avatar, but.* best decepticon leader 8:27 pm so dramatic ItsyBitsySpyers 8:27 pm [[Other side of the room or Laserbeak will not visit later.]] Tarantulas 8:27 pm *grumbling in a heap on the floor* Swoop 8:27 pm *is a bigger heap once Prowl hits and tara is the bottom of a pileup* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:28 pm [[Oh, for Primus' sake.]] Swoop 8:28 pm *is used to wrestling dinos so this is nothing* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:28 pm [[This is a movie night, not a brawl.]] Clich A 8:28 pm *Clutches spark* I love this song.. boomtank 8:28 pm ....whoever you are, I think we need to scoot over a bit more FakeProwl 8:28 pm *immediately rolls off and tries to rescue tarantulas from the bottom* Lady306 8:29 pm 306, but, ah, yes I tend to agree Swoop 8:29 pm *holds onto tara but whines at Soundwave* Me Swoop want to play with Bird! ItsyBitsySpyers 8:29 pm [[Then let go.]] Lady306 8:29 pm *quietly obliges the not-request and scoots further over* Swoop 8:29 pm *holds up his hands but makes no other move* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:29 pm [[Now go sit down.]] Tarantulas 8:29 pm Last I checked, I'M not Bird, so go play with HER *grumble mumble* boomtank 8:30 pm -follows to keep out of the way of the pileup- Swoop 8:30 pm Nooo kehehehh YOU not BIRD at aaaaaaaalll Lady306 8:30 pm And... I assume you're a Blaster? boomtank 8:31 pm Yeah, that's me Tarantulas 8:31 pm *gonna use his legs and prowl to dislodge the graspless swoop and try to crawl over to the couch* Swoop 8:32 pm *giggles the entire time* You pokey bot Tarantulas 8:33 pm *nope, a BOPPY bot. swoop gets bopped on the helm crest* Lady306 8:33 pm @boom - I apologise if it's rude to ask, but I take it you're alone tonight? Swoop 8:33 pm :V keheehee FakeProwl 8:33 pm *follows Tarantulas, keeping himself between him and Swoo—* Tarantulas! Don't encourage him. Swoop 8:33 pm You bad at punches Tarantulas 8:34 pm That wasn't a punch! That was a minor tap! *whiny hiss* Swoop 8:34 pm Yah! It suck. boomtank 8:35 pm Hmn? Yeah, no one with me. FakeProwl 8:35 pm *points at Swoop* And you. YOU keep your hands off of Tarantulas unless he gives you permission to touch him. Swoop 8:36 pm *is OVERCOME by a desire to poke Tara* Lady306 8:36 pm *smiiiiles at* Then I suppose we'll have to keep each other company, hm? Impact 8:36 pm *dozes off* boomtank 8:37 pm Yeah? Aren't we already? Tarantulas 8:37 pm /Don't./ *he can see the desire in swoop's optics damnit* Lady306 8:38 pm *pfft* Technically, yes. boomtank 8:39 pm ...? Swoop 8:39 pm *has zero interest in the movie, stares tara down* FakeProwl 8:39 pm @Soundwave «Requesting permission to bridge Swoop out if he lunges for Tarantulas again.» boomtank 8:39 pm -confused tank noises- ItsyBitsySpyers 8:40 pm @Prowl: (txt): Granted. Coordinates here. *Gives* Swoop 8:40 pm *iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinches* FakeProwl 8:41 pm *reaches back to put a hand on Tarantulas's arm* Tarantulas 8:41 pm *squiiiiiiiints* Impact 8:41 pm ((too sleepy for movie night. i'm off guys. night!)) FakeProwl 8:41 pm ((gnight!)) Lady306 8:41 pm ((sleep well!)) best decepticon leader 8:41 pm ((night Clich A 8:41 pm ((SLeep welL!(( ItsyBitsySpyers 8:41 pm ((night!)) Swoop 8:42 pm ((night)) Lady306 8:42 pm @boom I just didn't expect you to be so cheeky. That's all Swoop 8:42 pm *crouches as he leans, getting almost down on all fours* Tarantulas 8:42 pm *whisperhiss* Prowl, can I test how fireproof my webs are? boomtank 8:43 pm Cheeky? Tarantulas 8:43 pm *too bad if you say no because he's gonna do it* Swoop 8:43 pm ((JESUS CHRIST)) Lady306 8:44 pm Yes, cheeky. FakeProwl 8:44 pm @Tarantulas «Unnecessary. If he tries anything else, he's being immediately ejected.» boomtank 8:44 pm What do you mean? Lady306 8:44 pm I was offering you company and you answered that we were already sharing it I'd call that cheeky boomtank 8:45 pm But...? We are? Swoop 8:45 pm *leeeeeeeeeeeeans forward slooooowly and reaches out with one claw tip for tara's leg* Lady306 8:47 pm *would it be rude to pat you? Because he wants to* FakeProwl 8:47 pm *bridge open underneath Swoop's feet* *bye-bye* boomtank 8:47 pm -go for it. he'd only get more confused- Swoop 8:47 pm *squeals all the way to the next location he'll terrorize* Lady306 8:47 pm *Then he will* Never mind. It's not important Tarantulas 8:48 pm *tara already started to shoot silk at swoop's servo - it gets cut off by the bridge when it closes* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:48 pm *Shakes his head. He was really hoping that wouldn't be necessary. And yet, he's not surprised.* boomtank 8:49 pm -more confused noises from the tank- Okay? Swoop 8:49 pm *and it'll happen again, since he's has punched and headbutted people at movie nights before, there is absolutely no way he learned a single thing* *finger guns* Lady306 8:50 pm ...also, have you been following this movie at all? boomtank 8:50 pm ...nope Lady306 8:50 pm Oh good, I was worried that I was the only one. boomtank 8:50 pm -waves data-pad- Been reading Tarantulas 8:51 pm I /had/ him, Prowl *huff* Lady306 8:51 pm You came here to *read*? That sounds rather counter-productive ItsyBitsySpyers 8:52 pm *Well, now that that's over, he'll focus himself more on the film. So much music. Soothing after a rough week and a bump and too much work.* FakeProwl 8:52 pm I'd rather you not need to have him. Bevel 8:52 pm *is following the movie more than anything happening in the room right now* Clich A 8:53 pm That is just impressive boomtank 8:53 pm It's the only place I can go for some peace ItsyBitsySpyers 8:53 pm [[She is a many-talented creator.]] Bevel 8:53 pm *claps* That was awesome! FakeProwl 8:53 pm Besides, he wanted a fight. If he'd got one, it would just encourage him to do the same thing. Lady306 8:54 pm Ah, fair, then... although, I might contest that tonight. *chuckles* What are you reading? ItsyBitsySpyers 8:54 pm *Thinks the word "praise" in honor of Whirl.* boomtank 8:55 pm True, true...and I'm reading reports Tarantulas 8:55 pm He wouldn't have /gotten/ a fight, he'd have gotten wrapped up! FakeProwl 8:56 pm He would have had something to struggle against. Come on. *gonna try to, guide tarantulas to the seat. we're sitting now.* Swoop 8:57 pm ((PFFF okay that was legitimately funny)) ItsyBitsySpyers 8:58 pm [[This is either a very power-efficient theater or that was a very inefficient O.]] Lady306 8:58 pm *helm tilt* Should I leave you to it, then? Tarantulas 8:58 pm Nnnn *more whining but he's coming to sit down. can has cuddles pls* boomtank 8:58 pm Nah, I'm good ItsyBitsySpyers 9:00 pm [[He dislikes the... the whatever that is. The pointy creature.]] Lady306 9:00 pm ((they're acting like 100 grand is a really huge amount. Honestly, a super fancy car like that is gonna be more than that)) Clich A 9:00 pm Looks like a Poorr cuiiie pine Tarantulas 9:00 pm *mumbles* Porcupine ItsyBitsySpyers 9:00 pm [[Porcupine. Thank you both.]] Clich A 9:01 pm OH NO YOU RUN OVER YOUR Never mind. FakeProwl 8:01 pm *yes. absolutely. rubs his back comfortingly* You're not damaged, are you? Where did he pull on you? Lady306 9:01 pm *quietly settles in closer to Boom then. Goodbye personal space* best decepticon leader 9:01 pm Wish I could hit Megatron Bevel 9:01 pm It cleaned the dishes. Awesome. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:02 pm [[If you do so, do it with a warp cannon.]] Swoop 9:03 pm ((what was that voice acting)) Bevel 9:03 pm *so impressed with the pink lady* boomtank 9:04 pm -whelp, he's not going to complain- Tarantulas 9:04 pm No, I'm not. *huff* Just because I'm partially organic doesn't mean I'm /fragile/. Lady306 9:04 pm *excellent. He'd pull you into his lap, but that seemed a bit much* boomtank 9:05 pm -Yeah, he'd be so confused if Lady did that- Tarantulas 9:05 pm *arms curling around, he's starting to sulk over prowl worrying so much, but cuddles are priority* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:06 pm *Glances over at the two of them.* FakeProwl 8:06 pm Good. *continues backrubs* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:06 pm *...Doesn't sound like a full-blown argument. He'll let them be.* FakeProwl 8:10 pm *okay. tarantulas is taken care of. looks at soundwave.* FakeProwl 8:11 pm @Soundwave «I apologize for my role in the altercation. It was inappropriate and counterproductive.» ItsyBitsySpyers 9:15 pm *Looks back, tilts his head.* (txt): Next time, suggestion: bridge first. However... Swoop: dangerous. Prowl: protected Tarantulas. Action basis: accepted, approved. Tarantulas 9:18 pm *is totally lost in the movie but there are animals so he's distracted well enough to sit still* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:18 pm *Small cringes at the bad notes.* FakeProwl 8:20 pm *slight nod. yeah. bridge first next time.* FakeProwl 8:21 pm @Soundwave «... How's your head?» Clich A 9:21 pm These are all good things to hear. Bevel 9:21 pm He should leave him there. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:21 pm [[Yes, he should. And what do you mean, good things?]] @Prowl: (txt): Ache decreased. Check-in appreciated. ((also: anyone who says they've never wanted to do this kind of thing in the store is a liarrrr)) Clich A 9:23 pm *Seat dancing* FakeProwl 8:23 pm ((i haven't gone to grocery stores with exciting enough music)) ItsyBitsySpyers 9:23 pm ((:o i must tune your store to our store's channel)) ItsyBitsySpyers 9:24 pm *Perks. Squid!* Bevel 9:24 pm Oh no. *laughs* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:25 pm ((what the hell is that menu. go away menu)) Lady306 9:26 pm ((butters is trying to steal me)) FakeProwl 8:26 pm ((get revenge. steal butters.)) boomtank 9:26 pm ((hehe ((yes ItsyBitsySpyers 9:28 pm *Scoot scoot* [[Bah. He wished to see more squid.]] Swoop 9:30 pm ((Why would they think he'd keep that kind of cash around?)) Lady306 9:30 pm ((ikr FakeProwl 8:30 pm ((seriously)) ItsyBitsySpyers 9:31 pm [[Primus below.]] best decepticon leader 9:31 pm so... how many drown Clich A 9:31 pm apparently...just mike Lady306 9:31 pm None, apparently Tarantulas 9:32 pm I'm terribly sorry about your squids, Soundwave. Hyeh boomtank 9:32 pm .... Lady306 9:32 pm And that was also clearly not a very structurally sound building FakeProwl 8:32 pm ... Are the squid going to be okay in the sewer system? boomtank 9:32 pm That...went badly Swoop 9:32 pm ((omfg)) ItsyBitsySpyers 9:32 pm [[...He hopes so.]] Bevel 9:32 pm Aww no. best decepticon leader 9:32 pm Probably not Swoop 9:33 pm ((how did a broken fishtank turn into the flashback from Pacific Rim?)) ItsyBitsySpyers 9:33 pm ((the water pipes were still running)) best decepticon leader 9:33 pm Genius ItsyBitsySpyers 9:33 pm ((also: no $$$ for upkeep i guess)) [[Property of-- WHAT property?]] Tarantulas 9:34 pm There you are! Lady306 9:34 pm She's petty enough to claim the rubble just to spite him ItsyBitsySpyers 9:34 pm [[Oh, good.]] FakeProwl 8:34 pm Oh good. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:35 pm *Small huff. Jinx, Prowl.* FakeProwl 8:36 pm *thin smile at soundwave* Tarantulas 9:36 pm *craving cake now. are there treats? he's going to cast his gaze around for some* Lady306 9:36 pm Are we supposed to like the.. koala, was it? ItsyBitsySpyers 9:37 pm *Over on the bar, bowls full.* [[He thinks so.]] Lady306 9:37 pm Ah, pity boomtank 9:37 pm -huffs- Lady306 9:38 pm *yes Boom?* Tarantulas 9:38 pm *zoop goes the thread. that bowl is tarantulas's now* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:38 pm *LOUDER HUFF* Lady306 9:38 pm *..what* Bevel 9:38 pm ... Swoop 9:39 pm ((oh good god)) ItsyBitsySpyers 9:39 pm *Doesn't know if this is hilarious or horrifying* Lady306 9:39 pm *horrifying* Tarantulas 9:40 pm *definitely hilarious* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:40 pm *Slowly looks over to Tarantulas* FakeProwl 8:40 pm *is trying to figure out what it is* Swoop 9:40 pm ((is anyone else remembering that scene with skids in the marvel comics and just.....)) boomtank 9:40 pm -just watching the show and kinda...no- Swoop 9:40 pm ((combining it.... with this....)) ItsyBitsySpyers 9:40 pm [[...Are you a wash or dry spider?]] FakeProwl 8:40 pm PFF—!! *claps hand over mouth* Bevel 9:40 pm Ah, she is singing! Tarantulas 9:40 pm *FLOOFS UP* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:40 pm *Oh! What a voice.* boomtank 9:40 pm !!! Clich A 9:40 pm *falls prone, trying not to laugh* Tarantulas 9:41 pm I - I'm not dignifying that with an answer!!! *you're lucky he's not shoving you off the couch* Bevel 9:42 pm *giggles* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:42 pm *Dips his helm and places a smiley on his visor. Only meant in good humor, Tarantulas.* Lady306 9:42 pm Should they really be rebuilding on the property the bank repossessed? Tarantulas 9:42 pm *tarantulas hates that smiley so much* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:42 pm [[Probably not.]] Lady306 9:42 pm *also where did they get the money for it, anyway* FakeProwl 8:42 pm *it's an adorable smiley* Tarantulas 9:42 pm *a spider paw lands on the smiley and halfheartedly shoves* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:43 pm *Accepts the half-hearted shove with trembling shoulders* boomtank 9:43 pm -hums a bit and settles to watch the concert- FakeProwl 8:43 pm *... scoots closer to soundwave and tugs tarantulas closer* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:44 pm *Leans in.* Lady306 9:44 pm *also: cute* Tarantulas 9:45 pm *grumbles more but lets prowl pull him in* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:45 pm *PFF* Tarantulas 9:46 pm ...She looks like a cat pig peacock hybrid ItsyBitsySpyers 9:46 pm [[That is an interesting mental image.]] Tarantulas 9:46 pm *squints hard* FakeProwl 8:46 pm ... Getting ideas? Tarantulas 9:47 pm I'm not going to graft multiorganic chimeras, no, if that's what you're insinuating Bevel 9:47 pm They are gonna have like twenty more kids now. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:47 pm [[She can invent another machine to help her with them.]] Clich A 9:47 pm Please invent birth control Roseeta Bevel 9:47 pm Yeah! FakeProwl 8:47 pm Mm. Had to check. boomtank 9:47 pm That was fun boomtank 9:49 pm !!! Tarantulas 9:49 pm (( i love that this movie is basically advocating jailbreak for the sake of family love ItsyBitsySpyers 9:49 pm ((LOL)) boomtank 9:49 pm That...was probably a BAD idea Bevel 9:49 pm [[it also advocates running your family via machine ItsyBitsySpyers 9:50 pm *Looks at Prowl. How's he thinking about the prison break?* FakeProwl 8:50 pm *zero expression* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:50 pm *Ah, well.* Clich A 9:51 pm You cannot deny the power of a lorgee crowd Bevel 9:52 pm 😃 Tarantulas 9:53 pm *giggles a little, it's just like urticating hairs* Bevel 9:53 pm She is awesome. boomtank 9:53 pm These songs are fun Lady306 9:56 pm *um* boomtank 9:56 pm -snickering- Lady306 9:57 pm *is pretty sure the mouse should have been flattened* *not lifted* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:57 pm ((they do such a good job depicting stage fright. i have been her so often)) Tarantulas 9:58 pm *oh dear, tara has sudden feels for meena re: anxiety* Clich A 10:00 pm Wish they had..named..girl mouse. boomtank 10:02 pm Oh! It impressed her! Bevel 10:02 pm Yay FakeProwl 80:03 pm ... With that kind of structural damage, they should NOT be rebuilding on the ruins. They should have torn it down completely, removed the rubble, and rebuilt from scratch. Tarantulas 10:03 pm Oho, did you see the squids? *visor wink* best decepticon leader 10:03 pm they are not smart ItsyBitsySpyers 10:03 pm *Is delighted the squids are back* Bevel 10:03 pm *giggles* best decepticon leader 10:04 pm I would have thought that the squids would have been killed boomtank 10:04 pm That was a fun movie Lady306 10:04 pm It was.. something ItsyBitsySpyers 10:04 pm [[Hopefully it will not break again, then.]] boomtank 10:04 pm I liked the singing I guess I'm a bit biased FakeProwl 80:04 pm *... looks at soundwave* Do squids actually have biolights? Bevel 10:04 pm [[GDIT I KNEW I RECOGNIZED NANA Lady306 10:04 pm Oh, no, the actual singing was fine, but the rest of it... Bevel 10:05 pm [[*FLIPS TABLE* Tarantulas 10:05 pm *huffs, vaguely offended prowl would ask sw instead of him* Bevel 10:05 pm I liked it a lot. ItsyBitsySpyers 10:05 pm [[Some of them have bioluminescence, yes.]] FakeProwl 80:05 pm *soundwave spent over an hour lecturing prowl on a many-limbed earth sea creature. as far as prowl's concerned, he's the expert.* Clich A 10:05 pm Some Cuttlefish have rainbow style lights! Bevel 10:06 pm Can they change colors like that? ItsyBitsySpyers 10:07 pm [[There is a species which uses very tiny creatures living in it to glow based on the levels of light in the area. It is fascinating.]] [[It is a camouflage tactic.]] Bevel 10:07 pm Cool. ItsyBitsySpyers 10:07 pm [[And squid do change colors. Not... quite so neon as that. But others.]] boomtank 10:08 pm -and he's standing up now- Thanks for the movie, but I kinda have to go now. G'night ItsyBitsySpyers 10:08 pm *Soundwave nods farewell to Blaster* Bevel 10:08 pm Bye, Blaster FakeProwl 80:08 pm *... has a sudden realization* *didn't see a single dog singing* Lady306 10:08 pm Take care! FakeProwl 80:08 pm *inexplicably pleased* Lady306 10:08 pm ((LOL Tarantulas 10:08 pm *keeps going in and out of sulking and is considering faking a prior injury, now that he thinks of it* Clich A 10:09 pm Thanks for hosting Soundwave~! boomtank 10:09 pm ((g'night! Mun ahs to sleep! ItsyBitsySpyers 10:09 pm [[Quite welcome, Clich.]] best decepticon leader 10:09 pm ((night ItsyBitsySpyers 10:09 pm ((night! sleep well!)) Tarantulas 10:09 pm (( night! Bevel 10:09 pm [[night! ItsyBitsySpyers 10:09 pm *Now, now, Tarantulas. You know many kinds of organics inside and out. He only favors the one. Let him have his moment.* Tarantulas 10:10 pm *psh, he's catching up on old sulking too from earlier. just give him some pets and he'll perk up* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:10 pm *Very well. Stretches a feeler behind Prowl to gently pat a spide shoulder.* FakeProwl 80:11 pm *has probably been petting him off and on all night tbh* Tarantulas 10:11 pm *moarrrr* Tarantulas 10:13 pm *squints, this is something he hasn't heard of actually* FakeProwl 80:13 pm *oh! educational videos! prowl's favorite.* best decepticon leader 10:13 pm ((I have to go Tarantulas 10:14 pm (( /waves ItsyBitsySpyers 10:14 pm ((aw! thank you for coming 😃 )) Bevel 10:14 pm [[night best decepticon leader 10:14 pm ((night, thanks for the stream FakeProwl 80:14 pm ((night!)) ... Do they have spots that glow? Bevel 10:14 pm [[prowl should to see rock dog, it definitely has singing dogs ItsyBitsySpyers 10:14 pm [[This variety.]] FakeProwl 80:14 pm ((i think he'd be inherently suspicious of the name)) Bevel 10:14 pm [[lol Bevel 10:16 pm *100% into this* FakeProwl 80:16 pm *already knows everything the narrator has said. is pleased.* Bevel 10:17 pm *has armor /and/ camouflage ha* FakeProwl 80:17 pm ... So the glowing ones have luminescent chromatophores, then? ItsyBitsySpyers 10:19 pm [[The ones he showed. Photophores. The others use... what are they called.]] Pause. Viruses? Plankton? [[Bacteria.]] Bevel 10:19 pm Cool! FakeProwl 80:20 pm ... Aren't bacteria like parasites? Do they kill the squid? Tarantulas 10:20 pm *finally speaks up* Generally they're symbionts. Bevel 10:20 pm I think bacteria make humans sick. Not squids. ItsyBitsySpyers 10:20 pm *Perks. Tarantulas knows of them?* FakeProwl 80:21 pm ... Do bacteria only prey on humans? *that one gets directed to Tarantulas* Tarantulas 10:22 pm No, they're quite literally everywhere and prey on mostly things that can't be seen, if they prey on anything at all Tarantulas 10:24 pm They - hm! *is surprised by video* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:24 pm ((one more and then i'll do music lol)) Tarantulas 10:25 pm Soundwave, have you ever actually /seen/ a live squid before? *not accusatory or anything* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:25 pm [[Not the Earth variety. Nevada is notoriously lacking in oceans.]] [[And they do not fly.]] FakeProwl 80:25 pm ... What about an octopus? ItsyBitsySpyers 10:26 pm [[He has not had the pleasure.]] FakeProwl 80:26 pm *that's tragic* Bevel 10:26 pm I want to see all of them. Tarantulas 10:26 pm Well then, I know what my next order of business is, hyeh FakeProwl 80:26 pm You should introduce him to an octopus. ItsyBitsySpyers 10:27 pm [[He can do that?]] Lean. [[You can do that?]] *Looks over to Bevel. He will show you, if Tarantulas does.* Bevel 10:27 pm *would enjoy that very much* Tarantulas 10:28 pm I - yes? Of course I can. *forgets that other people don't just snatch specimens from Earths for science things* FakeProwl 80:28 pm ... Can any species safely survive on Cybertron? Bevel 10:28 pm You could make an environment for them! ItsyBitsySpyers 10:28 pm [[...Oh. Yes. He would not want to terminate a cephalopod.]] Tarantulas 10:28 pm A few, but none you would have heard of, I'm afraid Bevel 10:29 pm My creator has a special building just for Earth plants. FakeProwl 80:29 pm I'm sure a room could be temporarily arranged for one to visit. Tarantulas 10:29 pm Why would we need a room when I have a /lab/? Bevel 10:30 pm A lab is a room. FakeProwl 80:30 pm ... Is your lab set up to support Earth's ecosystem rather than Cybertron's? ItsyBitsySpyers 10:30 pm *Knows very well about the plants. Is hiding one. >> * FakeProwl 80:30 pm ... Oh. Wait. It WOULD be set up for Earth, wouldn't it. *chimera experiments and all that.* Tarantulas 10:30 pm *snickers and shakes head. there we go* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:31 pm [[...Would it harm them if he touched one?]] Bevel 10:31 pm *not following but yeah ok if Prowl says his lab is set up for Earth she'll believe it* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:32 pm *Same. Because if it's not, and the creature(s) die, he'll be irritated* Tarantulas 10:32 pm I could calculate the force necessary to harm one if you needed, but I think you'll be able to tell on your own. That is to say, you'll be fine, don't worry ItsyBitsySpyers 10:33 pm *Slowly growing brighter. This is the best thing. If it happens.* Tarantulas 10:33 pm I don't know why people think organics are so fragile, they're - well, they are, but they're not THAT fragile Bevel 10:33 pm I want to see. Can I see too? Because squish. ItsyBitsySpyers 10:34 pm [[He is not accustomed to handling them.]] Tarantulas 10:34 pm Don't squeeze, and you'll be fine ItsyBitsySpyers 10:35 pm [[He knows how much strength to use to contain a flobster. Not an Earth lobster.]] Tarantulas 10:35 pm OH - but for Primus's sakes please don't electrify them ItsyBitsySpyers 10:35 pm *Looks at Bevel, and then Tarantulas and Prowl. Would she be able to see too?* FakeProwl 80:35 pm *looking back and forth as they talk/"talk", quietly delighted* *... why's PROWL being looked at? he didn't say anything* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:35 pm *He's the one who had the idea.* [[He would never.]] Tarantulas 10:36 pm ......I don't see why not, hm. *if he's letting sw into his lab, why not a mostly-stranger* Bevel 10:37 pm Yay! FakeProwl 80:37 pm *... sudden sharp vent in. oh. wait.* Bevel 10:37 pm *oh no what happened* FakeProwl 80:37 pm @Bevel «Don't visit his lab alone. Go when Soundwave goes.» Bevel 10:38 pm @Prowl <<...Ok.>> Tarantulas 10:39 pm Is there any particular species you'd be interested in meeting? Bevel 10:39 pm *perks at songs* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:39 pm *Immediately wants to say "all of them" and has to stop himself. He knows there are too many kinds for that.* Tarantulas 10:39 pm ....Pick three. Top three. Bevel 10:39 pm *wants to say all of them too* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:39 pm *His feelers twitch and writhe while he thinks. So hard to trim down* Bevel 10:40 pm Cuttlefish! *c'mon, Bossbot, we just watched a buncha videos about them and they are awesome* FakeProwl 80:40 pm ... Is that three per visitor or three total? Bevel 10:41 pm *hums along to the song while waiting for SW's opinion* Tarantulas 10:41 pm ...I suppose three per visitor, but the more you suggest, the longer it's going to take to obtain them FakeProwl 80:42 pm So that's nine choices. *yes he did just invite himself over.* @Soundwave «Give me your fourth, fifth, and sixth choices.» ItsyBitsySpyers 10:42 pm [[One pacific octopus. One bobtail squid. One pearly nautilus.]] *Pings Prowl with something akin to actual glee. Let him think.* FakeProwl 80:43 pm *carefully suppresses smile* Tarantulas 10:44 pm (( i'm tempted to throw "octopus's garden" at you for the lolz ItsyBitsySpyers 10:45 pm ((i'll do it when this is over 😃 )) Tarantulas 10:46 pm You're starting with some heavy-hitters there, hyeh But of course ItsyBitsySpyers 10:46 pm @Prowl: (txt): Mimic octopus, blue-ringed octopus, stubby squid. Bevel 10:46 pm Mimic octopus. The one that turns into other fish. FakeProwl 80:46 pm Mi— *stops* Bevel 10:46 pm *Bevel can't hear you Soundwave* FakeProwl 80:47 pm @Soundwave «... SEVENTH choice?» ItsyBitsySpyers 10:47 pm @Prowl: (txt): Firefly squid. FakeProwl 80:48 pm *to be safe, he's waiting until they hear Bevel's third choice* Bevel 10:48 pm Are there really big ones? I want to see a really big one. ItsyBitsySpyers 10:49 pm ((what is with youtube not having this)) Tarantulas 10:49 pm That'd be the pacific octopus, as mentioned FakeProwl 80:49 pm ((... are there different octopus gardens?)) ItsyBitsySpyers 10:49 pm ((i was trying to find the actual one but i guess it's not on YT)) ((this version will be fine)) Tarantulas 10:49 pm (( oh my god.... beautiful. i/she were referring to the beatles one, but the copyrights are fiddly on the beatles Bevel 10:50 pm [[apple likes to take their songs down a lot yeah Tarantulas 10:51 pm There are larger squids, though Bevel 10:51 pm Really really big? Tarantulas 10:51 pm ...Although I oughtn't have brought them up, I'm not tracking down a colossal squid Bevel 10:51 pm Aww ItsyBitsySpyers 10:51 pm *Damn.* Tarantulas 10:52 pm They're larger than I am - well, larger than I currently am Bevel 10:52 pm ...awesome. [[not sure how big tara is atm but it's probably impressive for an earth critter Tarantulas 10:53 pm (( tara's 32ft, squid can be upwards of 40ft Bevel 10:54 pm [[lol Bevel's as tall as that squid right now Tarantulas 10:54 pm (( xD nice Bevel 10:54 pm [[i love this skit so much Bevel 10:55 pm Something that glows that Soundwave did not pick. *she knows you picked glowy ones* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:56 pm [[Hmph.]] [[He knows what he likes.]] Tarantulas 10:56 pm How about we make it chef's choice~? Pick of the day ItsyBitsySpyers 10:56 pm ((me: what are good classic sesame street bits? me: oh! i know. it's not easy being green. me: nO NO NO)) Tarantulas 10:57 pm (( sdgsfg FakeProwl 80:57 pm ... You're not going to eat them when we're done? ItsyBitsySpyers 10:57 pm [[What do you mean, CHEF.]] Bevel 10:57 pm *knows she'd like to see a huge mcfuckoff squid but reasons* Tarantulas 10:57 pm *snickering* No, probably not. I'm not fond of the texture. Bevel 10:57 pm I do not want that kind of energon either. FakeProwl 80:58 pm If you're going to eat cephalopods, at least don't eat the ones we'e befriended. *is expecting soundwave to make friends with them all* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:59 pm *You bet he's going to. He's going to try listening to their spread out minds too* Bevel 10:59 pm *is going to want to make a robot one for a pet* Tarantulas 10:59 pm You can't really - hyeh. As you wish. Tarantulas 11:00 pm Wh - ItsyBitsySpyers 11:00 pm ((i forgot that was in there omg)) Bevel 11:00 pm *laughs* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:01 pm ((i'm so sorry)) [[...He did not expect this.]] Tarantulas 11:01 pm *hard side-visor at sw* FakeProwl 81:01 pm *extremely neutral face* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:02 pm [[He only knew it was a parody of a human film we have seen. His apologies.]] FakeProwl 81:03 pm *what an important lesson that most Autobots NEVER LEARNED* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:03 pm *The listening?* FakeProwl 81:03 pm *unfortunately, yes* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:03 pm *Perhaps Prowl should anonymously send them that.* ((one more and then back to music)) FakeProwl 81:03 pm *he's sure they wouldn't listen to it* Tarantulas 11:03 pm *alas, if mesothulas had listened either* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:03 pm ((their parodies are usually p funny)) Bevel 11:04 pm ...*starts giggling and probably not going to stop until this is over* Mount Crumb Tarantulas 11:06 pm *...this is strangely uncomfortable for tarantulas, moreso than the ridiculous spider* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:06 pm *Soundwave's quietly dying inside. He didn't know this would have eggs.* *He'll never convince Tarantulas he didn't mean this.* Bevel 11:06 pm *in hysterics now* Tarantulas 11:07 pm *pfft he's not even thinking about the eggs actually, but NOW YOU MENTION IT* FakeProwl 81:07 pm *is it the self control, tarantulas.* Tarantulas 11:07 pm *shh maybe* Tarantulas 11:08 pm *.....he forgot about the snacks he snagged, they're just sitting there in his ding dang lap* Bevel 11:08 pm That was funny. ItsyBitsySpyers 11:08 pm *Is he gonna do it.* Bevel 11:09 pm *he did it* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:09 pm *No, no. Is Tarantulas gonna eat the bowl of snacks.* Bevel 11:10 pm *he definitely should* Tarantulas 11:10 pm ...Are you trying to pull some sort of reverse psychology here ItsyBitsySpyers 11:11 pm [[Not at all. He's simply suggesting that you enjoy the snacks you claimed. He can't put them back now.]] Tarantulas 11:12 pm *is tempted to subspace them just to spite u* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:12 pm *That's fine, too. Just leave him the bowl.* Tarantulas 11:13 pm *he subspaces MOST of them and slips one snack in between his mandibles before plopping the bowl in sw's lap. THERE* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:13 pm *Sets the bowl down. Fussy, fussy.* Tarantulas 11:14 pm (( omg cro (( like GONE gone? ItsyBitsySpyers 11:15 pm ((they're on the dead laptop)) Bevel 11:15 pm [[oh honey Tarantulas 11:15 pm (( 😨 sorry FakeProwl 81:15 pm ((oh no)) Tarantulas 11:17 pm *hm. mandibles. he never DID get to talking to bevel about them now did he* Bevel 11:18 pm *nope he did not, though Bevel's been lectured by Prowl and SW now* Tarantulas 11:20 pm @Bevel : «I JUST remembered. We never did have a proper mandibular demonstration. Might you be interested in popping over early before the cephalopod showing, just to sate a little of my scientific curiosity?» FakeProwl 81:22 pm *... scoots hip against tarantulas's, leans shoulder against soundwave's, and dims his optics* Bevel 11:22 pm *had been about to leave and halfway to standing up when she was pinged. she drops back down into her seat awkwardly* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:23 pm *Contemplates Bevel's presence. Decides he doesn't particularly give a damn if she sees. Gives Prowl's avatar a helm nuzzle and makes sure not to wiggle too much* FakeProwl 81:23 pm *nuzzles back* Tarantulas 11:24 pm *arm around prowl's waist, with his other paw scooping up some snacks from his subspace because you can't eat just one* FakeProwl 81:25 pm *puts a hand over tarantulas's paw.* *this is nice.* Bevel 11:26 pm *...awww, the mystery of SW's Prowl is solved. too bad she's not able to appreciate it since she has to awkwardly navigate a conversation over comms* @Tarantulus «Um, maybe. I got to see if Soundwave has to bridge me over since I do not think you want Blurr to know where your lab is.» Tarantulas 11:27 pm @Bevel : «Oh, there's no need. I have portal technology of my own, I can pick you up at your desired coordinates.» Bevel 11:29 pm *welp* Tarantulas 11:29 pm *welp indeed* Bevel 11:33 pm *ok frag it, she's an adult, even if he is apparently some sort of mass shifter who could outsize her by... a lot.* @Tarantulus «...Just mandibles?» *i'm an adult she says. caves immediately to pressure* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:34 pm *Someone somewhere is making a bad decision. He can feel it in his spines.* *...Probably Frenzy.* Bevel 11:34 pm *definitely frenzy* Tarantulas 11:34 pm @Bevel : «Yes, whatever you're comfortable with.» *in other words, whatever tarantulas can reasonably get away with* Bevel 11:37 pm *mentally decides to show up like ten minutes before Prowl and Soundwave so Tara will have very little time to actually poke too much at her. it's like following their advice except not at all yeah* @Tarantulus «Ok.» Tarantulas 11:38 pm @Bevel : «Lovely! We'll set things up once I've acquired the - cephalopods, then.» *almost said "the other specimens" instead* FakeProwl 81:39 pm ((run bevel, run)) Bevel 11:39 pm *nods and now she is going to leave before she either agrees to more or something else happens yep yep* Tarantulas 11:40 pm *visor winksmile at bevel as she goes* FakeProwl 81:41 pm *... is the coast clear?* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:41 pm *Waves farewell with a feeler. Lots of little wiggly tendrils goodbye.* Bevel 11:41 pm *waves to room and dodges out the door as fast as her big bulk will take her* FakeProwl 81:42 pm ... YOU'RE not the one who sent me this song, are you? ItsyBitsySpyers 11:42 pm *Soft puff.* FakeProwl 81:43 pm ... Is that a confession? *the room is down to three. excellent. pulls his knees up to his chest and wraps his arms around them.* Tarantulas 11:44 pm *little bit of squinting at sw&prowl, but is gonna cuddle real close to prowl when he pulls his knees up* *....while also eating snacks one by one. because why not* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:46 pm [[Consider it signed.]] *Stretches arm behind Prowl's back. It just so happens to also nudge Tarantulas a wee lil lil bit while it's there.* FakeProwl 81:46 pm Hmm. ItsyBitsySpyers 11:46 pm [[Thank you again for the opportunity to meet cephalopods up close, Tarantulas.]] FakeProwl 81:47 pm ... You're welcome to continue sending cheesy police-themed love songs. Tarantulas 11:47 pm *also gotta be conscious of - that. yes. not touching soundwave, except soundwave touched HIM, so. alright then* FakeProwl 81:47 pm Oh. I didn't give you my list of three. Tarantulas 11:47 pm Ah, no you didn't. I figured you hadn't made one yet FakeProwl 81:48 pm Blue-ringed octopus, stubby squid, and firefly squid. Tarantulas 11:48 pm ...You asked Soundwave, didn't you FakeProwl 81:48 pm *poker face* Tarantulas 11:49 pm I SUPPOSE that counts. They're wonderful choices, just not simple to get a hold of FakeProwl 81:50 pm Are any simple to get hold of? Tarantulas 11:50 pm Hyeh, I didn't mean literally, physically I'd be hard-pressed to actually catch one. It's just a matter of commonness And their global distribution FakeProwl 81:52 pm ... Not prohibitively difficult? ItsyBitsySpyers 11:52 pm *Almost suggests raiding an aquarium. Remembers Prowl is there and thinks better of it* Tarantulas 11:52 pm I shouldn't think so. Not the ones we've listed, at least. That's why I nixed the colossal squid. ItsyBitsySpyers 11:53 pm [[Perhaps if you had tanks, and a way to locate them, he could...]] *Trails off. Now thinking about what would happen if he opened a small bridge in the middle of the ocean and ran it past a squid* Tarantulas 11:54 pm Hyeh, no, I can manage on my own just fine. *has plenty of reasons why not to get sw or prowl involved* FakeProwl 81:55 pm ((nice album cover. two thumbs up. A+)) ItsyBitsySpyers 11:56 pm ((LOL)) [[Very well.]] Tarantulas 11:56 pm *nom. nomnom* FakeProwl 81:56 pm ... Don't do anything destructive to the environment or human property. Tarantulas 11:57 pm Tsk, don't worry so much, Prowl. Of course not. ItsyBitsySpyers 11:57 pm [[Or to the creatures you're capturing.]] FakeProwl 81:58 pm *don't say "of course not" like u would actually have compunctions against destroying someone else's property if prowl didn't tell you to have compunctions* Tarantulas 11:59 pm *shush let tarantulas tell prowl what prowl wants to hear* FakeProwl 81:59 pm Or that. We'd prefer them to be cheerful guests. ... Or whatever passes for "cheerful" in cephalopods. Yesterday Tarantulas 11:59 pm Lively. Lively and eating well, I'd say Tarantulas 12:00 am They'll be perfectly cheerful, rest assured. FakeProwl 82:01 am *nods. good. wants soundwave to have A Good Time* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:01 am *Very low, very quiet hum* [[Perhaps we could see more of your lab when we are done with them?]] FakeProwl 82:01 am *a sound!!* *leans on a little more* Tarantulas 12:03 am *wavers* ...Mmmaybe. We'll see. I'm not sure what of the lab you even COULD see, safely. Best not to worry about that now though ItsyBitsySpyers 12:04 am *Now you have his attention* [[Why? What is unsafe about it?]] *Doesn't want to move and dislodge Prowl; peers around him with feeler* [[Surely there are precautions he could take.]] FakeProwl 82:05 am *usually would be peering with soundwave. can't work up the giveafuck for it.* Tarantulas 12:07 am *it occurs to him he could invite sw in holo like prowl and avoid quite a few many things that way, hm. more thoughts he'll keep to himself* Tarantulas 12:09 am Not so much for you as for everything ELSE. There would simply be so many things to take into consideration, and depending on which hallways we choose, it just - it's /complicated/ *half true* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:10 am *Considers this. Shockwave's lab moves its insides around and can be dangerous to roam unattended. Maybe the "depending on which hallways" means something like that.* *...He'd better not try to sneak off after the cephalopod meeting.* [[He understands. Just this, for now.]] [[Though if there is anything else you wish to show off, he might be curious.]] FakeProwl 82:11 am *assumes tarantulas means that a few hallways exploded and are now too dangerous to travel* Tarantulas 12:12 am Of course you would be. *he knows that curiosity well by now* *ok what. he can't not hear rihanna* ...Soundwave, are you still in charge of the playlist? ItsyBitsySpyers 12:14 am [[Why? Is there something you'd like to request?]] FakeProwl 82:14 am *... if soundwave is going to be staying after the cephalopod meeting to explore part of the lab, then it would be inappropriate for prowl to not stay as well, since he's the one who's into that stuff. which means he'll be staying longer.* *is suddenly exhausted about a social interaction he hasn't even gone to yet.* Tarantulas 12:16 am Nnnnot in particular, but I - am... questioning that song choice ItsyBitsySpyers 12:16 am *"The one who's into that stuff," as if he doesn't like learning about everything Shockwave does too* FakeProwl 82:16 am *okay, the OTHER one who's into that stuff* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:17 am [[Ah. It's against your musical tastes, then. He'll be sure to find other artists in the future.]] Tarantulas 12:17 am *hard squint, but sure, he'll... go with that* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:17 am *He knows full well what Tarantulas means and is having a bit of fun* *As can be currently heard by the continuation of a theme* FakeProwl 82:18 am *nudges Soundwave* Puppet Man is good. Similar theme, different genre than the first two. *has picked up on the theme; hasn't realized it's being used as deliberate teasing* 5th Dimension. ItsyBitsySpyers 12:18 am [[He does not know this one.]] *Immediately puts it on.* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:20 am *...Vaguely uncomfortable with this one.* FakeProwl 82:20 am *well PROWL likes it* Tarantulas 12:20 am *is just going to eat, because that's always a stabilizing thing right. gonna turn his head and pop a dozen snacks in where they can't see well* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:20 am *It's good, it's just - he wouldn't have thought of it as being part of the same theme if Prowl hadn't said. His mind went somewhere else first.* [[He knows you have the snacks. You don't need to hide.]] FakeProwl 82:21 am *look on the bright side: you probably just learned something new about prowl's sex life* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:21 am *Yes. Yes, he has.* *And in that respect, he is interested. And maybe wondering if Tarantulas shares it.* FakeProwl 82:22 am *... and it's a good thing prowl isn't thinking too hard about the song right now or else HE would be uncomfortable too* Tarantulas 12:22 am *tara wasn't paying much attention to the lyrics so he's chill rn* FakeProwl 82:23 am *but he decided he liked the song before it acquired what would have been very negative connotations, so as long as he doesn't listen too hard he's safe* Tarantulas 12:26 am *well, maybe not entirely chill, he did just give an awkward twitch and laugh some as he swallowed* Hyeh, I'm - not hiding the /snacks/, that'd be silly ItsyBitsySpyers 12:26 am ((that is not the song i was remembering oop)) ItsyBitsySpyers 12:28 am [[...Ah. Do you not consume fuel in public? He apologizes.]] *Immediately withdraws the feeler* Tarantulas 12:29 am *snickers some, actually* No, not generally, but - I was considering /your/ comfort here, not mine FakeProwl 82:30 am That's good. *uncrosses one arm to pat Tarantulas's... knee? yeah, knee works.* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:32 am [[It is not as....]] *Fishes around for a word. Can't find it.* [[He knows to expect the noise. It is less distracting that way.]] Tarantulas 12:34 am *nudges more into prowl at the touch, touch is good* Tarantulas 12:36 am *smol helm tilt* Hm, is it just the sound that might disorient you then? Because I was considering the entire - well. You call them mandibles, but I've more than mandibles technically FakeProwl 82:36 am *more touch? thigh. thigh touch.* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:37 am [[It is both, in truth. But he should try to become accustomed to this sooner or later.]] Tarantulas 12:38 am *paw touch on thigh touch* Tarantulas 12:39 am I see. *restraining urge to click his mandibles now, heh* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:45 am [[...You are not required to, of course. You may eat in unseen peace, if you wish. He was simply - commenting. On it.]] ItsyBitsySpyers 12:47 am *Wasn't sure how much contact was permissible in this shared couch sort of situation; going to test the example set by Prowl and curl the feeler he withdrew from Tarantulas' vicinity up and around Prowl's lower leg. Maybe absently pet the armor with the tendrils.* Tarantulas 12:48 am Hyeh, not required to - ? Would you /like/ to see, then? *genuinely wasn't sure, is also very much looking at prowl too* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:49 am [[...................................Yes.]] FakeProwl 82:49 am Yes. *doesn't even know he's being looked at, he just felt like throwing that in* FakeProwl 82:51 am *shifts a bit to get a better view if tarantulas is going to—something's on his leg. glances down. hmm. puts his other hand on soundwave's thigh.* Tarantulas 12:53 am *can't help but laugh a bit at soundwave's hesitance, and shifts while they move around too* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:53 am *Fluffs the armor a bit to make more room for seam stealing and joins the watching* FakeProwl 82:54 am *not going to be as adventurous tonight, there's another person here* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:55 am *As he wishes. Soundwave's thigh armor comes with sizable gaps anyway, pff. Either way: he is, notably, pleased.*

[theworstbob]

every grammy for record of the year settled

another installment of what is slowly becoming a series of me pointing at things i’m mostly okay with and making simple jokes instead of writing actual things. i have six rough drafts of fictional shorts i said i wanted to post by the end of january and now its february 11th and fuck, dude, but this is so much easier!

1959 "Catch a Falling Star," by Perry Como "The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)," by David Seville "Fever," by Peggy Lee "Witchcraft," by Frank Sinatra WINNER: "Nel Blu Dipinto Di Blu (Volare)," by Domenico Modugno

This field actually sets the tone for all the future Grammy categories to come. There's 2 songs that are really fucking good, there's one person who's here because they have a reputation as a person who is popular, there's some fucking awful bullshit that we're only going to remember in five years because it's, y'know, fucking awful bullshit, and then the winner is some obscure nonsense that sort of renders the whole operation moot, like if in 2007 the Oscar for Best Picture went to Chumscrubber, or if the Falcons won the Super Bowl. Peggy Lee/Frank Sinatra : Beyonce/Rihanna+Drake :: Perry Como : Adele, David Seville : Lukas Graham :: Domenico Modugno : twenty one pilots.

Yeah the winner is "Fever." I'm not looking to re-invent the wheel here, the best song of these five is "Fever," like are you kidding me, "Fever." "Fever," guys. "Catch a Falling Star" is a relic of an era where all we wanted from male pop stars was for them to be a gentle father in a sweater to say he's proud of us, "Witchcraft" goes but its only failure is that it's not "Fever," hahaha they actually thought "The Chipmunk Song" would stand the test of time, and "Nel Blu Dipinto Di Blu (Volare)?" Fuck outta here, "Nel Blu Dipinto Di Blu (Volare)." I have nothing to say to you. What are you? I don't care. You're not "Fever." Also I immediately regret this exercise because now I'm just angry I'm alive in era where songs don't have horn sections. Someone give me a big band cover of "Closer." Yeah I know Postmodern Jukebox did "Closer" BUT THEY DIDN'T DO IT THE WAY I WANTED. DO IT AGAIN.

TRUE ENDING: "Fever"

1960 "A Fool Such as I," by Elvis Presley "High Hopes," by Frank Sinatra "Like Young," by Andre Previn "The Three Bells," by The Browns WINNER: "Mack the Knife," by Bobby Darin

Im going to give Andre Previn a shitton of extra credit here for apparently naming his album Secret Songs for Young Lovers, which is a simply killer album title. Like I think only Mitski's Bury Me at Makeout Creek can stand up to that title. I'm also giving it extra credit for being an instrumental, that's just refreshing. It still only adds up to a strong second, I'm not here to be contrarian (yet), they got it right, but yo, Andre Previn! You seem chill.

TRUE ENDING: "Mack the Knife"

1961 "Are You Lonesome Tonight?" by Elvis Presley "Georgia on My Mind," by Ray Charles "Mack the Knife," by Ella Fitzgerald "Nice 'n Easy," by Frank Sinatra WINNER: "Theme from A Summer Place," by Percy Faith

Hey! Black people! I legitimately was worried we wouldn't see them for another few years, but hey, they got an early invite (relative to American history)! I like that "Mack the Knife" was nominated again. It makes me wish that, last year, both Tay Tay's "Blank Space" and the indie dudebro's "Blank Space" cover had been nominated simultaneously. When you type "Georgia on My Mind" into the YouTube search bar, suggested searches include "Ludacris," "Willie Nelson," and "Michael Buble," and that is one person away from being a party I'd like to attend. I really want to give this to "Mack the Knife" again because I think that'd be funny, and I, an ignoramus, shouted "YO THIS IS THAT SONG?" the second I heard "Theme from A Summer Place," I've heard that used as a music cue in a billion comedies, that song is iconic, but the winner is "Georgia on My Mind." That song won an Oscar for Jamie Foxx.

TRUE ENDING: "Georgia on My Mind"

1962 "Big Bad John," by Jimmy Dean "The Second Time Around," by Frank Sinatra "Take Five," by The Dave Brubeck Quartet "(Up a) Lazy River," by Si Zentner WINNER: "Moon River," by Henry Mancini

"Big Bad John" just makes me angry that country music used to feel legit and dangerous, and nowadays Brantley Gilbert thinks he's an outlaw because he has a tattoo honoring the 2nd Amendment (a law). I promised myself I wouldn't turn any one part of this into an extended treatise on bro country, but it's not extended if I keep it to two sentences, however compounded they may be! Anyhoo. These are five decidedly not-unpleasant songs by five white dudes. I understand I'm making an assumption about Si Zentner here, but it's 1962. People were still wearing hats in this season of Mad Men, I think it's a safe assumption. I think. I dunno. I think? Yeah, fuck it, "Take Five," that had a pretty boss drum section. Imagine listening to every song made in 1961 and thinking, "Yes. These. I love these five songs." "Stand By Me" was the biggest hit of the year. "Runaway" was number two, I'm pretty sure that was a banger, and if not at least it couldn't be worse than these five. "Hit the Road Jack." "Crying." "Shop Around." "Crazy." Hey guys I just made a hot discovery, I think solely using the Grammy nominees for Record of the Year does not an accurate snapshot of music history provide.

TRUE ENDING: It doesn't matter because it can't be "Stand By Me," but "Take Five" I guess

1963 "Desafinado," by Stan Getz & Charlie Byrd "Fly Me to the Moon Bossa Nova," by Joe Harnell and His Orchestra "I Can't Stop Loving You," by Ray Charles "What Kind of Fool Am I?" by Sammy Davis Jr. WINNER: "I Left My Heart in San Francisco," by Tony Bennett

You can pick up some interesting tidbits from music history, though, such as the fact conductors would have "and their orchestra" in their name. I'd be so much more okay with the state of things, as they are, if The Chainsmokers would start going by The Chainsmokers and Their Soundboard. I don't mean to impugn The Chainsmokers' ability as songwriters, I'd listen to "Closer" a million times before I gave any of these songs another spin, I would just prefer more accuracy in my song attribution. Also the extra credit "Like Young" got for being an instrumental is waning. I could have listened to "Run Up" five times. That's what I could have done with these twenty minutes. ...At least they didn't nominate "The Monster Mash." It wouldn't have been without precedent! They could have nominated "The Monster Mash." No matter how bad it is, it can always get worse.

TRUE ENDING: "I Can't Stop Loving You"

1964 "Dominique," by The Singing Nun "Happy Days Are Here Again," by Barbra Streisand "I Wanna Be Around," by Tony Bennett "Wives and Lovers," by Jack Jones WINNER: "Days of Wine and Roses," by Henry Mancini

when do the 1960s get to the seasons of mad men with stan in them. oh okay hi there "wives and lovers" aren't you horrible. what a blast from the past you are. why am i doing this. fuck it.

TRUE ENDING: "Dominique"

1965 "Downtown," by Petula Clark "Hello, Dolly!" by Louis Armstrong "I Want to Hold Your Hand," by The Beatles "People," by Barbra Streisand WINNER: "The Girl from Ipanema," by Astrud Gilberto & Stan Getz

HERE. WE. FUCKING. GO. Holy shit. Up-tempo music! Songs I wouldn't only ever listen to in hotel lobbies, that aren't all the exact same ballad! What good fortune! We can actually have a fun debate over which of these songs was actually the best! Sort of. I mean. Just in terms of cultural impact, it's "I Want to Hold Your Hand." I wouldn't dare argue that "I Want to Hold Your Hand" isn't a historically significant song. But "Downtown" is just a nice song about going to the city and seeing a moviefilm, "Hello, Dolly!" is just a wonderful little ditty which brings to mind Freakazoid, "People," erm, and "The Girl from Ipanema" is about as surreal as it gets when you're talking about Record of the Year nominees. And we're not talking about cultural impact, y'know? (At least for now, this is gonna go all over the place.) We're talking about my shitty opinion which, here, overlaps with that of the Grammys in this instance. "The Girl from Ipanema" is dope.

TRUE ENDING: "The Girl from Ipanema"

1966 "Yesterday," by The Beatles "The 'In' Crowd," by The Ramsey Lewis Trio "King of the Road," by Roger Miller "The Shadow of Your Smile," by Tony Bennett WINNER: "A Taste of Honey," by Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass

It sounds like taking the easy way out to pick what is widely recognized as the best song ever made by what is widely recognized as the best rock band of all time, but. Um. It's really hard to argue for the other four songs here. You could, in a vacuum, almost make an argument for "The 'In' Crowd?" But I'm at the point in this project where I am completely okay with the idea of never hearing a jazz instrumental ever again. Also I regret being mean to Barbra Streisand the last two years, you're right, those jokes were unair, she's a national treasure and I miss the days when true theatre kids could score Record of the Year noms. The only representation theatre kids get in pop music these days is Tay Tay, and that's disappointing. Anyhoo, yeah, fucking "Yesterday." Whatever.

TRUE ENDING: "Yesterday"

1967 "Almost Persuaded," by David Houston "Monday, Monday," by The Mamas & the Papas "What Now My Love," by Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass "Winchester Cathedral," by The New Vaudeville Band WINNER: "Strangers in the Night," by Frank Sinatra

One positive from this experience is that all the Mario Maker videos that YouTube had been recommending to me for months are being replaced with songs from the '60s YouTube thinks I might enjoy. Lemme talk about my YouTube recommendations window for a hot second because it’s gone through some shit to get me to watch Mario Maker content. There was a chain. Like, carlsagan42, I could understand, I'd watched AGDQ VODs that featured him, YouTube knew I liked speedrunning and Let's Plays of Mario Maker, here's this guy. And GrandPooBear, that was fair, he was in AGDQ, he seemed like a chill dude, it made sense I would enjoy him, too. But now it's recommending just random dudes to me. "Here's a white dude with a beard playing carlsagan's troll level!" Alright, I guess I fuck with him, he seems chill. "Hey! We found this white dude with a beard playing that white dude with a beard's troll level!" Wh - okay, this is, why is his display name Japanese, I don't, why are y "Here's a dude who just plays troll levels!" GREAT, WHY. WHY DID HE MAKE A CAREER OF DOING THAT. These songs are uninspiring, is what I'm saying. In 1966, notable releases (according to Wikipedia so who actually knows but I'ma go with it) include "The Sound of Silence," "Uptight (Everything's Alright)," "These Boots Are Made for Walkin'," "When a Man Loves a Woman," "Paint it Black," "You Can't Hurry Love," "It's a Man's Man's Man's World," "I Got You (I Feel Good)," "Good Vibrations," "I'm a Believer," and "You Keep Me Hanging On." "Ain't Too Proud to Beg." "God Only Knows!" I listened to "Winchester Cathedral." None of these songs deserve any recognition.

TRUE ENDING: i mean "Monday, Monday" but legit who could find it in them to care

1968 "By the Time I Get to Phoenix," by Glen Campbell "My Cup Runneth Over," by Ed Ames "Ode to Billie Joe," by Bobbie Gentry "Somethin' Stupid," by Nancy Sinatra & Frank Sinatra WINNER: "Up, Up and Away," by The 5th Dimension

R E S P-E C T No but like legit there was one year where it sounded like the Grammys were finally over the '50s. Ah, but no! No. ...The world had "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" in 1967. Fucking, a version of "Try a Little Tenderness" dropped in 1967. AND THEY HAD "MY CUP RUNNETH OVER." I AM APPALLED. I AM AGHAST. THIS I -- man, fuck this awards show in particular. I'm giving this to "Ode to Billie Joe" because it's the only song of this bunch I feel I'm being unfair to by bringing up better songs. That song holds its own. It's dark, it's grim, it fucks you up in all the right ways. It's the rare song that feels dated because it's so far ahead of its genre's current game. And I guess I'm down with "Up, Up and Away," too, sure, yeah, whatever, I'm down for a nice song about balloon rides. Everything else, tho. Especially "Somethin' Stupid." Wow. That sure is a thing that happened. That sure is a thing multiple people thought was a great idea! My stars.

TRUE ENDING: "Ode to Billie Joe"

1969 "Harper Valley PTA," by Jeannie C. Riley "Hey Jude," by The Beatles "Honey," by Bobby Goldsboro "Wichita Lineman," by Glen Campbell WINNER: "Mrs. Robinson," by Simon & Garfunkel

In back-to-back years, country songs performed by women were nominated for Record of the Year and subsequently adopted into feature-length films. Country music used to own, is the primary takeaway from this exercise so far. Anyhoo. I'm not gonna judge these nominees by what they could have been, because it's not necessarily these songs' fault they're not the songs that actually define this era of American history. They're nice, safe songs, and it's totally understandable why a committee wouldn't disagree with making these the five songs they wanted to present to an increasingly discomfited public for their good-time parade of nice-seeming celebrity. I don't know why I expected an awards show to lead any kind of movement in the late 1960s, it's not their job now and it certainly wasn't then, but I thought I'd at least be getting jams from the past. I got the worst Beatles song and "My Cup Runneth Over."

TRUE ENDING: "Harper Valley PTA"

1970 "A Boy Named Sue," by Johnny Cash "Is That All There Is?" by Peggy Lee "A Time for Us," by Henry Mancini "Spinning Wheel," by Blood, Sweat & Tears WINNER: "Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In," by The 5th Dimension

Well, this is the least disappointing batch of nominees in years! These songs are more than unobjectionable. "A Boy Named Sue" and "Is That All There Is?" and "Aquarius" are all unimpeachable. Picking one of those three is rough, but honestly I'm just stoked to have a hard choice to make. ...I almost want to go with "A Boy Named Sue" just so I don't have to agree with the Grammys after slagging on them so much, but like "Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In." Like, I have a vision of what the 1970s sounded like, and I just typed I had a vision of what something sounded like and I need to like take a walk or drink a water or something. Take a moment, take a breath, come back stronger.

TRUE ENDING: "Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In"

1971

"(They Long to Be) Close to You," by The Carpenters "Everything is Beautiful," by Ray Stevens "Fire and Rain," by James Taylor "Let It Be," by The Beatles WINNER: "Bridge Over Troubled Water," by Simon & Garfunkel

...OK I'm not into any of these so let's just list other notable songs that were likely released in 1970. "ABC." "Big Yellow Taxi." "Black Magic Woman." "Express Yourself." "Get Up (I Feel Like Being a) Sex Machine." "I WANT YOU BACK." They nominated a song which explicitly states that everything is beautiful and ignored the song which provides IRREFUTABLE FUCKING PROOF the world is beautiful. We're not done. "Lola." "The Letter." "Paranoid." "SIGNED, SEALED, DELIVERED I'M YOURS." NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. ONLY THE GREATEST FUCKING SONG OF ALL TIME. THAT HAS NO PLACE IN THE GRAMMYS! WHY SHOULD IT? THERE'S TOO MANY BALLADS IN THE WORLD FOR US TO PAY "SIGNED, SEALED, DELIVERED I'M YOURS" ANY MIND. Shit. I dunno. How could I possibly know.

TRUE ENDING: "(They Long to Be) Close to You"

1972 "Joy to the World," by Three Dog Night "My Sweet Lord," by George Harrison "Theme from Shaft," by Isaac Hayes "You've Got a Friend," by James Taylor WINNER: "It's Too Late," by Carole King

OH HELL YES. I can get behind this field, which is to say: I am getting behind the theme from Shaft. "Joy to the World" is lovably loony, I'm not about to speak ill of Carole King, "My Sweet Lord" is about as good a song like that as you're ever gonna find, but Shaft. Shaft, y'all.

TRUE ENDING: "Theme from Shaft"

1973 "Alone Again (Naturally)," by Gilbert O'Sullivan "American Pie," by Don McLean "Song Sung Blue," by Neil Diamond "Without You," by Harry Nilsson WINNER: "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face," by Roberta Flack

"Superstition." I honestly don't get what Kanye hopes to accomplish by boycotting the Grammys when the Grammys couldn't give "Signed, Sealed Delivered I'm Yours" or "Superstition" their due. What even was that Gilbert O'Sullivan nonsense. Criminy. This is, this is just who they are, y'know? Neil Diamond sings the blues. That most iconic blues performer, Neil Diamond. They get no points for giving the trophy to Roberta Flack. Roberta Flack is something we can all agree on, you don't get a PhD in astronomy for pointing at the sun and saying "that's a bright ol' star!" and you don't get credence as a song-recognizing function for recognizing Roberta Flack made a good song.

TRUE ENDING: "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face"

1974 "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown," by Jim Croce "Behind Closed Doors," by Charlie Rich "You Are the Sunshine of My Life," by Stevie Wonder "You're So Vain," by Carly Simon WINNER: "Killing Me Softly with His Song," by Roberta Flack

I. I don't WANT to agree with this terrible program twice in a row. I'm glad to see Stevie eventually got a make-up nom, but I don't really feel that song too deeply (at least, judged against the rest of his catalogue; this would be the best song Gilbert O'Sullivan ever made by a country-ass mile), and no that doesn't make any sense but I've listened to 16 years' worth of songs the Grammys think are good, I'm not in a good place right now. I could easily say "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown" takes it, it's a great song, it wouldn't be that b -- but "Killing Me Softly with His Song," though! Am I sort of giving it the nod because of The Fugees' version? Yes, but, see, The Fugees' version doesn't get nominated, so.

TRUE ENDING: "Killing Me Softly with His Song"

1975 "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me," by Elton John "Feel Like Makin' Love," by Roberta Flack "Help Me," by Joni Mitchell "Midnight at the Oasis," by Maria Muldaur WINNER: "I Honestly Love You," by Olivia Newton-John

...I mean. I sort of decided to make Roberta Flack a hero today after spending a lifetime not thinking of her that often? But I spent the entire 1960s listening to jazz compositions and friendly dads giving me life advice. "Feel Like Makin' Love" is, when considering the scale of this project, like breathing in skunkless country air after a lifetime in the city. Which isn't to say "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me" isn't the class of the pop sub-genre Songs Clay Aiken Can Capably Perform, or that "Help Me" isn't a jam. Just, Roberta Flack made three nice songs, and that makes this project worth pursuing somehow, no matter how many times I have to listen to blondes whisper about how much they love someone.

TRUE ENDING: "Feel Like Makin' Love"

1976 "At Seventeen," by Janis Ian "Lyin' Eyes," by Eagles "Mandy," by Barry Manilow "Rhinestone Cowboy," by Glen Campbell WINNER: "Love Will Keep Us Together," by Captain & Tennille

the best song i heard in this batch was the five seconds of rock guitar in the miller lite ad that presaged "rhinestone cowboy." i mean, on its own, "rhinestone cowboy" would have been the true ending, but that five seconds of guitar the youtube advertising algorithm attached to the beginning pushed it over the top.

TRUE ENDING: "Rhinestone Cowboy"

1977 "Afternoon Delight," by Starland Vocal Band "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover," by Paul Simon "I Write the Songs," by Barry Manilow "If You Leave Me Now," by Chicago WINNER: "This Masquerade," by George Benson

...So, it's been a while, right, since we complained that what was presented to us isn't what it could've been? But since a clear novelty song about bangin' when the sun's out was given a nod, let's see what else 1976 had to offer. Hm, well, the two biggest hits of the year were "Dancing Queen" and "Bohemian Rhapsody." Those aren't too egregious, assuming your standard for egregious is "Signed, Sealed Delivered I'm Yours." Which is to say, if you're dead inside, those aren't notable omissions. "Baby, I Love Your Way" is as basic as anything in this field, but I think people remember that as an Actually Good song, so I'ma bring that up. "I Wish!" "The Rubberband Man" is the best song about a fat man playing his body as an instrument you're ever like to hear. "Squeeze Box" was the centerpoint of one of the better Freaks & Geeks scenes. I'm listening to "I Write the Songs." Everyone who thinks the past is better is wrong. "I Write the Songs” is a less self-aware version of "7 Years." "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover" is acceptable, I guess. It was compelling, and it grabbed my attention. I think "This Masquerade" had its moments, but "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover" had me. I dunno. I think it's just bad that I, a music history simpleton, could come up with a viable ROTY field with like half a minute of looking at Wikipedia. Hell, I'm gonna go ahead and be super unfair and judge the Grammys for not seeing into the future and seeing all the dope tweets about "The Boys Are Back in Town."

TRUE ENDING: "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover"

1978 "Blue Bayou," by Linda Rondstadt "Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue," by Crystal Gayle "Evergreen (Love Theme from A Star Is Born)," by Barbra Streisand "You Light Up My Life," by Debby Boone WINNER: "Hotel California," by Eagles

I'm going to give this year props for featuring four songs performed by women in the ROTY field. Remember my alt-nominee field from last year? The only women in that field were in ABBA. So at least the Grammys got this right, ignore the racial composition of this field DON'T THINK TOO HARD ABOUT IT, and then it would be until 1999 that the Grammys would have another year with a 4:1 female:male ratio in this category. Anyway, "Blue Bayou." If that surprises you, you haven't been paying attention.

TRUE ENDING: "Blue Bayou"

1979 "Baker Street," by Gerry Rafferty "Feels So Good," by Chuck Mangione "Stayin' Alive," by Bee Gees "You Needed Me," by Anne Murray WINNER: "Just the Way You Are," by Billy Joel

...i thought we were done with jazz instrumentals. another fool am i. Anyway fuck everything in this world that isn't the sax solo in "Baker Street" for not being the sax solo in "Baker Street." See that song is basically a jazz instrumental, but,,, the sax solo in "Baker Street" is maybe the greatest thing that's ever been? Also let's just note how the first disco song nominated for Record of the Year is by three white dudes. Dope. History is cool. But at least we have the sax solo from "Baker Street" to keep us warm.

TRUE ENDING: "Baker Street"

1980 "After the Love Has Gone," by Earth, Wind and Fire "I Will Survive," by Gloria Gaynor "The Gambler," by Kenny Rogers "You Don't Bring Me Flowers," by Barbra Streisand & Neil Diamond WINNER: "What a Fool Believes," by The Doobie Brothers

listen, i took some time off to do other things, and then i woke up at two am this morning and said, "let's continue this fool's errand!" and i made it through a few years and now it's two hours later and i am interesting in selecting the INCREDIBLY OBVIOUS CHOICE and moving on

TRUE ENDING: "I Will Survive"

1981 "The Rose," by Bette Midler "Lady," by Kenny Rogers "Theme from New York, New York," by Frank Sinatra "Woman in Love," by Barbra Streisand WINNER: "Sailing," by Christopher Cross

woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow. um. i mean, 1980 isn't a particularly inspiring year? but got.DAMN this field is so bad "escape (the pina colada song)" has a viable claim to snub status. how did this awards show survive? how did we never do better than this? are we just committed to not being into the american music awards?

TRUE ENDING: "Woman in Love"

1982 "Arthur's Theme (Best That You Can Do)," by Christopher Cross "(Just Like) Starting Over," by John Lennon "Endless Love," by Diana Ross & Lionel Richie "Just the Two of Us," by Grover Washington, Jr. with Bill Withers "Bette Davis Eyes," by Kim Carnes

I've listened to two Christopher Cross songs and "Endless Love" before having any coffee, which was a mistake. We're at this weird point in history where my unearned nostalgia doesn't exist because I'm pretty sure the '80s were mostly terrible, and the Grammys aren't 1981 bad because I get a chance to shout out Bill Withers (which I'm sure he totally appreciates, this sort of seems like something that wouldn't insult his very being, is some asshat pointing out how great he is in a whole entire piece where nothing of substance is ever said), but they're still really fuckin' bad. Also ignore what I said about the '80s being terrible because fuckin' "9 to 5" was dropped this year, as was "Don't Stop Believin'!" They selected John Lennon's best Queen impression. Dead Kennedys released a song called "Nazi Punks Fuck Off!" in 1981. That classic is, somehow, timeless.

TRUE ENDING: "Just the Two of Us"

1983 "Steppin' Out," by Joe Jackson "Ebony and Ivory," by Paul McCartney & Stevie Wonder "Always on My Mind," by Willie Nelson "Chariots of Fire," by Vangelis WINNER: "Rosanna," by Toto

As alluded to above, I am a card-carrying member of something I guess I have to call Poo Nation. (There is no card, regrettably.) I'd have to check the rules, but I am pretty sure I'm not allowed to besmirch the good name of Toto, even if the song in question is not "Africa." I think "Steppin' Out" might've been a good true ending in an alternate universe, and it's hard to deny "Chariots of Fire" is legendary (if anything has to be the last instrumental I hear while doing this, I'm glad it was that), but I'm not tryna incur anyone's wrath here. Also, hey, here's Stevie Wonder and Willie Nelson, getting makeup nods for lesser tracks. "Ebony and Ivory," that's just a more prestigious version of "Accidental Racist." No one should feel good about that song. But the first six seconds of Rosanna, that's a sort of "pinnacle of human achievement" thing, that's something we should put in a museum.

TRUE ENDING: "Rosanna"

1984 "Flashdance... What a Feeling," by Irene Cara "Every Breath You Take," by The Police "All Night Long (All Night)," by Lionel Richie "Maniac," by Michael Sembello WINNER: "Beat It!" by Michael Jackson

Wh... What is this? What just happened? A whole five songs I've listened to outside the context of this project? Songs which all still endure to this day? A winner that could actually stake a claim as the most iconic song of 1983? The Grammys! It's like you just took off your glasses and did your hair all fancy and showed up to prom, and I'm just like, oh shit, the theatre dork was actually hot all along! Did we find it? Did we find the turning point? Did Flashdance provide the turning point? Is that the movie musical you guys watched and thought, "Oh shit, this music actually kind of goes, I think we oughta get with the times?" /looks at the next year/ IT IS! Bless you, Flashdance. Bless this change you provoked in the Grammys. I'm not about to do something silly like not pick "Beat It!" but I will at least acknowledge that you are phenomenal and were the true spark that ignited the Grammys and also no one involved in your production ever fucked any kids, probably.

TRUE ENDING: "Beat It!"

1985 "Hard Habit to Break," by Chicago "Girls Just Want to Have Fun," by Cyndi Lauper "The Heart of Rock 'n Roll," by Huey Lewis and the News "Dancing in the Dark," by Bruce Springsteen WINNER: "What's Love Got to Do with It," by Tina Turner

hm. it's such a tight field we have here. not a one clear standout in this bunch. i don't know. this is a tough choice. i'm sure glad i wasn't a voting member in 1985. imagine seeing the choice laid before you and slowly having the impossibility of the task ahead dawn on you. what a daunting prospect. (tell ya what tho, "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" is a strong-as-hell second place, and "Dancing in the Dark" is possibly the strongest bronze.)

TRUE ENDING: "What's Love Got to Do with It," by Tina Turner

1986 "Money for Nothing," by Dire Straits "The Boys of Summer," by Don Henley "The Power of Love," by Huey Lewis & the News "Born in the U.S.A.," by Bruce Springsteen WINNER: "We Are the World," by USA for Africa

oh praise ra i actually get to break from the grammys So I think "The Power of Love" is solid, I think it'd be hard to find someone who'd say they have any sort of disagreement with this sound. "Born in the U.S.A." is similarly a classic. I love how The Other Side keeps trying to repurpose it as a rousing anthem for them when it is an absolutely scathing indictment of what has become of the American working class. It's such a self-own, playing this song at Republican conventions, and I love it every time it happens. You think they'd have learned how to process subtlety by now! But: I am not attached to "Born in the U.S.A." too deeply beyond that. As an emokid straight outta the mid-aughts (hey there goes my claim to any valid political opinion! later, bro!), have a special connection to "Boys of Summer," tho. Is Don Henley's version The Ataris' version? No. It is not. But we set the precedent in the Roberta Flack threepeat that, even though this is Record of the Year, we will recognize the power of the composition. We also must acknowledge that "Money for Nothing" is the absolute fucking worst.

TRUE ENDING: "The Boys of Summer"

1987 "Sledgehammer," by Peter Gabriel "Greatest Love of All," by Whitney Houston "Addicted to Love," by Robert Palmer "That's What Friends Are For," by Dionne Warwick & Friends WINNER: "Higher Love," by Steve Winwood

One other notable change, apart from the fact the songs are now actual songs that I can imagine people casually listening to in the era in which they were released: these songs are fucking long. You go back to the first Grammys, I don't think any songs lasted past 3:15, and now we have "Sledgehammer," which lasts five minutes. All the songs from the 1986 field were five minutes long. It sort of feels like we've trimmed the excess in our modern era, because my reaction to all these songs is, "Alright, I'm feeling this one! I am grooving! ...Okay, I've grooved. I've felt it. You can go now. No, you can g -- oh, more? OK, cool, I guess that's cool." Except "Addicted to Love." That's a positively breezy four minutes, and it holds the attention the entire time. It's slightly leery? It's kind of "Blurred Lines"y? But it's not overtly gross that it's unworthy of celebration!

TRUE ENDING: "Addicted to Love"

1988 "La Bamba," by Los Lobos "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For," by U2 "Luka," by Suzanne Vega "Back in the High Life Again," by Steve Winwood WINNER: "Graceland," by Paul Simon

...Yeah, fuck it, "La Bamba," I don't like that the choice I have to make is a cover of a '50s hit, but HASHTAG GRAMMYS, amirite. Time to look at Wikipedia because the Grammys have displeased me! ...OK, so there's "I Wanna Dance with Somebody." "Alone" has been a stable of reality singing competitions for thirty years, now! "Bad" woulda been acceptable. "Don't Dream It's Over" may not be the most notable tune in the world, but unlike eventual champion "La Bamba," it was made in 1987. "UM "FAITH" HOW ABOUT?! "The Final Countdown" is listed as a 1987 single and I get why it wouldn't get ROTY love but I would be remiss not to point out its presence on the list. Who doen't love "(I Just) Died in Your Arms?" LL Cool J coulda gotten some hype, I'm not gonna pretend to be familiar with '80s rap but that's a name I know. "Need You Tonight" got INXS a reality show 20 years later. WHAT THE FUCK YOU COULD'VE EASILY REPLACED "LA BAMBA" WITH "RHYTHM IS GONNA GET YOU." "Welcome to the Jungle" is a metal song, sure, but you're gonna tell me that's less influential than "Graceland?" Also I changed my mind because I forgot how fucking good "Luka" is.

TRUE ENDING: "Luka."

1989 "Giving You the Best That I Got," by Anita Baker "Fast Car," by Tracy Chapman "Man in the Mirror," by Michael Jackson "Roll with It," by Steve Winwood WINNER: "Don't Worry, Be Happy," by Bobby McFerrin

I commend "Don't Worry, By Happy" for laying the foundation for maybe the greatest Key & Peele sketch, and I'm loathe to pick two unrelentingly sad songs about good people in awful situations in a row, but, like, "Fast Car." "Fast Car," y'all.

TRUE ENDING: "Fast Car"

1990 "The End of the Innocence," by Don Henley "She Drives Me Crazy," by Fine Young Cannibals "We Didn't Start the Fire," by Billy Joel "The Living Years," by Mike + the Mechanics WINNER: "Wind Beneath My Wings," by Bette Midler

So apparently the two things I liked about the 1980s are the kitschy one-hit-wonder-y singles that are completely of their times, and the songs about horrifying tragedies. But y'know what at least those were closer to the vision of '80s music I had in my head than the options from the '70s were to ‘70s music. I don't know if that sentence makes sense. I've listened to a lot of bad and/or trashy music. For no reason. When was the last time I asked why I was doing this? I would like to ask that question again: why am I doing this

TRUE ENDING: "She Drives Me Crazy"

1991 "Vision of Love," by Mariah Carey "U Can't Touch This," by MC Hammer "From a Distance," by Bette Midler "Nothing Compares 2 U," by Sinead O'Connor WINNER: "Another Day in Paradise," by Phil Collins

MC Hammer has more ROTY nominations as a performer than Prince. The first rap song ever nominated for ROTY was "U Can't Touch This." MC Hammer was the first rapper to earn a ROTY nomination. ...You're right, this isn't fair, MC Hammer apparently built himself, and the distinction easily could've gone to MC Skat Kat. That's the motto: no matter how bad, it could always be worse. TRUE ENDING: "Vision of Love"

1992 "(Everything I Do) I Do it for You," by Bryan Adams "Baby Baby," by Amy Grant "Something to Talk About," by Bonnie Raitt "Losing My Religion," by R.E.M. WINNER: "Unforgettable," by Natalie Cole w/Nat King Cole

I am 100% convinced "Unforgettable" only won because the Grammys were completely in love with the fact Natalie Cole and Nat King Cole performed together. "Look!" they said, laughing and clapping. "Their names are of similar mouthsound! Delightful!" Anyway, instead of the idiosyncratic rock song, we're going with the country song about doin' it.

TRUE ENDING: "Something to Talk About"

1993 "Achy Breaky Heart," by Billy Ray Cyrus "Beauty & the Beast," by Celine Dion & Peabo Bryson "Constant Craving," by k.d. lang "Save the Best for Last," by Vanessa Williams WINNER: "Tears in Heaven," by Eric Clapton

OH SHIT THE GRAMMYS JUST HIT US WITH THE THROWBACK! Awful novelty single? CHECK. Treacly ballad? CHECK. Ponderous slow song from an influential-but-overlooked performer? I FEEL BAD ABOUT SAYING IT BECAUSE IT'S A SONG ABOUT HIS KID WHO DIED BUT, OKAY, THIS IS WHO I AM, CHECK. And we have A NEW KIND OF BAD this year: THE POP VERSION OF THE SONG FROM THE MOVIE MUSICAL. Angela Lansbury or GTFO. k.d. lang does sort of earn this by default, I'm not gonna lie to you and say I dug the song presented to me, but I absoltuely respect the pioneering work she did in advancing stylization in performers' name. k.d. lang paved the streets on which Panic! At the Disco marches.

TRUE ENDING: "Constant Craving"

1994 "A Whole New World," by Peabo Bryson & Regina Belle "The River of Dreams," by Billy Joel "If I Ever Lose My Faith in You," by Sting "Harvest Moon," by Neil Young WINNER: "I Will Always Love You," by Whitney Houston

The end result is always the same, no matter what, but hoo boy, this sequence is something else. '90s music is generally ugh, but you had "Nuthin' but a 'G' Thang," "Mr. Jones," "No Rain," "Shoop," "What's Up?" But this. Billy Joel. Again. It's only been three times or something but it feels like Billy Joel has been nominated for this award every year.

TRUE ENDING: "I Will Always Love You"

1995 "I'll Make Love to You," by Boyz II Men "He Thinks He'll Keep Her," by Mary Chapin Carpenter "Love Sneakin' up on You," by Bonnie Raitt "Streets of Philadelphia," by Bruce Springsteen WINNER: "All I Wanna Do," by Sheryl Crow

The Grammys have relapsed pretty hard. And because we're in the 1990s, and also I've kind of hit a wall in terms of my enthusiasm for this project, I'm not even listening to these songs, because there's not any lessons to be gleaned here, music was being taken over by grunge and rap and the Grammys didn't know how to react so they literally gave their biggest award to a song which states, "All I wanna do is have some fun." Let's just have some fun, guys! Stop being so sad about everything, let's just, let's play Parcheesi! You used to love Parcheesi! Let's play Parcheesi and just, let's just have some fun! But yeah the Grammys are havin' some issues coming to terms with reality.

TRUE ENDING: "I'll Make Love to You"

1996 "One Sweet Day," by Mariah Carey & Boyz II Men "Gangsta's Paradise," by Coolio "One of Us," by Joan Osborne "Waterfalls," by TLC WINNER: "Kiss from a Rose," by Seal

Now THIS. This, I can extremely fuck with. Nary a quibble I have with the Grammys' assessment of 1995! Do I maybe trade out "One Sweet Day" for "Fantasy?" Of course, I'm not that dead inside. Do I maybe replace "One of Us" with "You Oughta Know?" Eh, I think "One of Us" is more timeless, in that it's about God and not Dave Coulier, but I'd hear the argument. Do I maybe put "Life's a Bitch" in there instead of "Gangsta's Paradise?" Yes, but I completely get why they wouldn't. I think we've found it. I think we've found the most acceptable list! And the winner is almost the acceptable winner! Also, I didn't realize this until I dove into the list of hits from 1995, but apparently Ko[backwards R]n and P.O.D. were active and hitmakers in 1995. I knew it was coming soon? But I didn’t think it started when I was in Kindergarten.

TRUE ENDING: "Gangsta's Paradise"

1997 "Give Me One Reason," by Tracy Chapman "Because You Loved Me," by Celine Dion "Ironic," by Alanis Morissette "1979," by The Smashing Pumpkins WINNER: "Change the World," by Eric Clapton

And we're back. Though, hey, the Grammys are still making incremental progress. There's grunge, earning respectful recognition that it did, indeed, happen, and the Grammys were aware of it but ever distant! Alanis Morissette gets a nod for writing a song about how sometimes bad things happen! And TRACY CHAPMAN JUST ENDS THE FUCKING GAME. Someone once described "Give Me One Reason" as the last true blues hit, and that is such an accurate assessment. Everything about "Give Me One Reason" owns. I am thrilled to have shared some portion of the earth with the two Tracy Chapman songs we have briefly discussed.

TRUE ENDING: "Give Me One Reason"

1998 "Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?" by Paula Cole "Everyday Is a Winding Road," by Sheryl Crow "MMMBop," by Hanson "I Believe I Can Fly," by R. Kelly WINNER: "Sunny Came Home," by Shawn Colvin

I believe it was @fart who tweeted that "Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?" and "The Boys Are Back in Town" share two different perspectives of the same event, and I'm sticking to that here. This right here is sort of the distillation of the '90s, assuming you're ignoring, y'know, rap: while you can't deny that this was probably what everyone in the '90s was listening to, you can absolutely fault everyone in the '90s for listening to this, because this is bad. But this is what was popular! "MMMBop," a song about grappling with your own mortality while making mouthsounds, was the biggest fucking song! You couldn't escape it! "It" referring to "MMMBop!" Like, the 1981 field was bad? But it was bad because it was bland, and it was regressive, and it wasn't of the time. This is bad because the songs are bad. They're all dated, they have no appeal beyond kitschiness, they're just, ugh. For once, it's not the Grammys' fault. ...Not entirely. Again: rap. We had that. We didn't have do the Sheryl Crow thing again.

TRUE ENDING: "Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?"

1999 "The Boy Is Mine," by Brandy & Monica "Iris," by Goo Goo Dolls "Ray of Light," by Madonna "You're Still the One," by Shania Twain WINNER: "My Heart Will Go On," by Celine Dion

The '90s weren't without their saving graces, of course. Golly. Imagine being presented with this field and voting for something that wasn't "The Boy Is Mine." So many people did! I'm not gonna sit here and say that "My Heart Will Go On" wasn't the biggest musical craze of 1998, I lived through that shit, I endured that shit, believe you me, from a historical standpoint, it deserves this award. It's not history's fault, though, that so many more people listened to "My Heart Will Go On" than "The Boy Is Mine." It's those people's fault. WHAT THE HELL, PEOPLE. What was wrong with you. ...At least you're still 15 or so years from your choice being Macklemore. It's hard to tell which is worse, but at least there's a good chunk of time between your failings.

TRUE ENDING: "The Boy Is Mine"

2000 "I Want It That Way," by Backstreet Boys "Believe," by Cher "Livin' La Vida Loca," by Ricky Martin "No Scrubs," by TLC WINNER: "Smooth," by Santana ft./Rob Thomas

...I don't like what I'm about to do. You know I think "Smooth" is a hot one. You know how I feel about guys in the passenger side of their best friend's ride, tryna holla at me. You know what I believe with regards to an existence of a life after love. You know I live that crazy life. ...If I'm doing karaoke, though. If I'm doing karaoke, and I need one song to fire every fucker in this dingy bar the fuck up, I need an all-time classic song that everyone loves and everyone knows, IF I AM SELECTING ONE JAM TO TAKE THIS PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH CALLED LIFE TO FLAVOR TOWN. ...It's gonna be "I Want It That Way." It's a perfect song. It is expertly crafted, the epitome of Swedish song design. It's this massive engine driving this amazing being into existence. I don't like that it is perfect. You may not like that it is perfect. But it is perfect and we love it. There are truths in life which are undeniable. "I Want It That Way" is one such truth.

TRUE ENDING: "I Want It That Way"

2001 "Say My Name," by Destinys Child "I Try," by Macy Gray "Music," by Madonna "Bye Bye Bye," by *NSYNC WINNER: "Beautiful Day," by U2

ugh what is with the u2 thing Anyway, this would ideally be where we start recognizing the things Beyonce has done for the world and all who live in it, except "I Try" is amazing. Also we're in the aughts and everyone knows and loves the aughts and no one has anything bad to say about the aughts so I'm not even gonna try to stretch for profundity it's lightning round time.

TRUE ENDING: "I Try"

2002 "Video," by india.arie "Fallin'," by Alicia Keys "Ms. Jackson," by OutKast "Drops of Jupiter (Tell Me)," by Train WINNER: "Walk On," by U2

SERIOUSLY THIS U2 THING. WHAT ARE THEY SEEING THAT I'M NOT. WHAT COULD THERE POSSIBLY BE IN THERE. Anyway, hello. Rap has been around for two and a half decades and three rap songs have been nominated for Record of the Year in this space. That is as many rap songs as U2 songs in the same span of time. And lemme just skip ahead real quick here, and... Yep, yep, of course, the entire genre of rap and U2 are still tied in the official Record of the Year Grammy count! That's incredibly acceptable and great.

TRUE ENDING: "Ms. Jackson"

2003 "A Thousand Miles," by Vanessa Carlton "Without Me," by Eminem "Dilemma," by Nelly & Kelly Rowland "How You Remind Me," by Nickelback WINNER: "Don't Know Why," by Norah Jones

Legit question: is "Dilemma" the last great duet? I know Drake and Rihanna have put in work trying to find a great duet, I know Usher and Alicia Keys dropped "My Boo," I'm going to point out New Found Glory and Hayley Williams collaborated on "Vicious Love" and wait until this point is completely ignored before I move on, there we go, I think this might be the last great pop duet! I think the last great pop duet features the iconic screencap of Microsoft Excel Messenger!

TRUE ENDING: "Dilemma"

2004 "Crazy in Love," by Beyonce ft./Jay-Z "Where Is the Love?" by The Black Eyed Peas "Lose Yourself," by Eminem "Hey Ya!" by OutKast WINNER: "Clocks," by Coldplay

See, I'm disqualifying "Crazy in Love" from consideration from the "great duets" debate because it's not a duet. Jay-Z has a feature verse. Anyway: FUCK THIS. "Crazy in Love" vs. "Hey Ya!" absolutely 100% fuck this. Like that's a goddamn debate right there. There could be an entire 1000-episode podcast debating who should have won this category, "Crazy in Love" or "Hey Ya!" And it's not like the other three are slouches. "Lose Yourself" is disappointingly but definitely more popular than either track, "Where Is the Love?" is the kinda-awesome midpoint between Woke BEP and Party BEP, and I'd bop "Clocks" from the party but I'd let it hang for a few minutes, get a glimpse of a world other than its own before throwing it out on its ass. But "Crazy in Love" vs. "Hey Ya!" Fuck, dude. ...Grammys can tie, right? Yeah, there's ties in the Grammys. Fuck it, even if there's not ties in the Grammys, there's ties in this weird alternate reality Grammys because legitimately how the fuck do you choose.

TRUE ENDING: "Hey Ya!" & "Crazy in Love"

2005 "Let's Get it Started," by The Black Eyed Peas "American Idiot," by Green Day "Heaven," by Los Lonely Boys "Yeah!" by Usher ft./Lil' Jon & Ludacris WINNER: "Here We Go Again," by Ray Charles & Norah Jones

...Like?

TRUE ENDING: "Yeah!"

2006 "We Belong Together," by Mariah Carey "Feel Good Inc.," by Gorillaz ft./De La Soul "Hollaback Girl," by Gwen Stefani "Gold Digger," by Kanye West ft./Jamie Foxx WINNER: "Boulevard of Broken Dreams," by Green Day

...OK, shit. Um. "We Belong Together" set the Mariah comeback in stone and history has a place for it, but I don't have a trophy for it. It's "Gold Digger" vs. "Boulevard" for me, and... And I think I gotta give it to. "Boulevard?" See, here's the thing, though, if "Stronger" were nominated a few years down the line, or "Love Lockdown," or "Niggas in Paris," yes! Absolutely, there'd be an argument! But "Gold Digger" is... Not his finest song? It's a funny-ish song about a stereotype. It has charm, it has that Ray Charles sample, but it's sort of, what's the phrase I'm looking for? Chop up the soul Kanye? It's that. It's good not great. "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" is a song that captured the hopelessness and futility of life as a lower-class individual in the Bush era and is presently capturing the hopelessness and futility of life as anyone in the Trump era. The world needed and continues to need songs like that.

TRUE ENDING: "Boulevard of Broken Dreams"

2007 "Be Without You," by Mary J. Blige "You're Beautiful," by James Blunt "Crazy," by Gnarls Barkley "Put Your Records On," by Corinne Bailey Rae WINNER: "Not Ready to Make Nice," by Dixie Chicks

"Not Ready to Make Nice" is the shit. I wanted Mary J. Blige or Gnarls Barkley to win, I could almost write that argument, but I just, "Not Ready to Make Nice" is the angriest song ever written. It is the apotheosis of the "message to the haters" song; it walks the same thematic ground as Tay Tay's "Shake It Off," but thunder emanates from its every step. And it's angry in that plain-spoken metaphorless way only country music can pull off. She does not obscure what has her fucked up: the letter stated, "shut up and sing or your life will be over." She is not going to forget. It's so powerful. Does it define 2006 in music? No, let's not be silly, "SexyBack" owned the year, Timbaland had more than a few songs hit #1, this song didn't have reach or impacy beyond the Grammy, but this song. This fucking song, man.

TRUE ENDING: "Not Ready to Make Nice"

2008 "Irreplaceable," by Beyonce "The Pretender," by Foo Fighters "Umbrella," by Rihanna ft./Jay-Z "What Goes Around.../...Comes Around," by Justin Timberlake WINNER: "Rehab," by Amy Winehouse

okay no need to write an extended defense of this one, we know what's up

TRUE ENDING: "Irreplaceable"

2009 "Chasing Pavements," by Adele "Viva la Vida," by Coldplay "Bleeding Love," by Leona Lewis "Paper Planes," by M.I.A. WINNER: "Please Read the Letter," by Robert Plant & Alison Krauss

i'm not really feelin' any of these songs, but WE'RE SO CLOSE TO THE END so fuck it here's the song i come closest to feeling

TRUE ENDING: "Paper Planes"

2010 "Halo," by Beyonce "I Gotta Feeling," by The Black Eyed Peas "Poker Face," by Lady Gaga "You Belong with Me," by Tay Tay WINNER: "Use Somebody," by Kings of Leon

oh wow, so, y'know, okay, how? how do we still have years like this? i know dope tunes were released in 2009 because i lived it, how do so many people get together and think, "yes! these!" this field is so bad, if you dropped drake's "best i ever had" into it, it would have a legit claim to the title. this is unconscionable! i hate this! why did i do this?

TRUE ENDING: "Poker Face"

2011 "Nothin' on You," by B.O.B. ft./Bruno Mars "Love the Way You Lie," by Eminem & Rihanna "Fuck You," by Cee Lo Green "Empire State of Mind," by Jay-Z ft./Alicia Keys WINNER: "Need You Now," by Lady Antebellum

Ah, the poetry of a group with the word Antebellum in their name emerging from a pack of black artists to claim a trophy they didn't deserve. Memories! What lovely recent history! Anyhoo, as sure as the earth is round, "Fuck You" is the best pop song of the decade so far. I'll fight you. Dungeon fam, I just gave you two Grammys for the mantle.

TRUE ENDING: "Fuck You"

2012 "Holocene," by Bon Iver "Grenade," by Bruno Mars "The Cave," by Mumford & Sons "Firework," by Katy Perry TRUE ENDING: "Rolling in the Deep," by Adele

"love on top," "party rock anthem," "niggas in paris," "the motto," "the edge of glory." what the fuck, you guys. picking songs that are good isn't hard but you fucked it up five times in a row somehow.

TRUE ENDING: i mean "Rolling in the Deep" i guess? ye gods this is dire

2013 "Lonely Boy," by The Black Keys "Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)," by Kelly Clarkson "We Are Young," by Fun. ft./Janelle Monae "Thinkin Bout You," by Frank Ocean "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together," by Tay Tay WINNER: "Somebody That I Used to Know," by Gotye ft./Kimbra

So now that we have years and years of historical context for the Grammys, let's take a minute to discuss what a miracle it was that Frank Ocean was ever nominated. The Grammys spent years ignoring anything resembling a subculture. As the 1960s grew increasingly psychedelic, the Grammys kept handing out nominations to Frank Sinatra and jazz instrumentals and gentle sweater dads. They dipped their toes into funkier things in the '70s, but they stayed the hell away from actual funk, from rock, from anything that looked like it might have been near cocaine at any point in their life. They gave Frank Sinatra a ROTY nomination in 1980. 1980! The Grammys had shown zero sign that they were even close to acknowledging a black man with ambiguous sexuality singing songs just on the edge of the mainstream existed. "Thinkin Bout You" peaked at 32 Stateside. There would have been zero outcry outside of The Internet if his song weren't nominated. And yet! They did! I don't get how, but I dig it! Anyway the best song of these six is "We Are Young" and how. How is "Call Me Maybe." ...A thousand steps forward, one step back, I guess.

TRUE ENDING: "We Are Young"

2014 "Radioactive," by Imagine Dragons "Royals," by Lorde "Locked Out of Heaven," by Bruno Mars "Blurred Lines," by Robin Thicke ft./Pharrell Williams & T.I. WINNER: "Get Lucky," by Daft Punk ft./Pharrell Williams

yeah they got it right, i don't care

TRUE ENDING: "Get Lucky"

2015 "Fancy," by Iggy Azalea ft./Charli XCX "Chandelier," by Sia "Shake It Off," by Tay Tay "All About that Bass," by Meghan Trainor WINNER: "Stay with Me," by Sam Smith

wooooooooooooooooooooooooow you really dont have to go back that far to find one of the all-time worst fields. i don't know if we've dropped any song off the face of the earth faster than "fancy," i barely even remembered it existed. "all about that bass" gets more embarrassing with each passing day. "stay with me" is mor pap. "shake it off" is horrifyingly immature and features tay tay rapping, which is, it's just a gross thing to have experienced. "chandelier." "chandelier" almost single-handedly redeems this field. i know i've used this blog to discuss what a miracle it is that sia exists as she does in the music landscape today, but legitimately, what the fuck. how? i don't mind! but how? but no for real "Chandelier," "Happy," "Problem," "Drunk in Love..." hoo boy 2014 was dire, uh, "Timber." shit, dude, yeah, "Timber." ok. ok yeah i guess it's ok as long as "Rude!" didn't make the cut.

TRUE ENDING: "Chandelier"

2016 "Really Love," by D'Angelo & the Vanguard "Thinking Out Loud," by Ed Sheeran "Blank Space," by Tay Tay "Can't Feel My Face," by The Weeknd WINNER: "Uptown Funk," by Mark Ronson ft./Bruno Mars

"Uptown Funk"/"Can't Feel My Face" is the toughest choice since "Hey Ya!"/"Crazy in Love." I think I give it to "Uptown Funk," simply because it doesn't feel like "Can't Feel My Face" exists without it, but man, "Can't Feel My Face" is such a solid track.

TRUE ENDING: "Uptown Funk"

2017 "Hello," by Adele "Formation," by Beyonce "7 Years," by Lukas Graham "Work," by Rihanna ft./Drake "Stressed Out," by twenty one pilots

listen, if i had to pick the field, it's "formation," "stresed out," "love yourself," "closer," and "black beatles." maybe throw "panda" in there over "stressed out," more people seemed to be into that than "stressed out," who cares, 2016 just wasn't great for anything on earth which exists, but hey! at least this field is more or less accurate! i don't know what "7 years" is doing here, and neither do you, but i know we're both hoping it wins so we can watch the first fires of the revolution.

TRUE ENDING: "Formation"