#my mum blames my brother fully

[watch-my-cosmic-death]

My brother’s unfortunately about to find out what happens when you talk to our family members about literally anything. I tried to warn him, he thought he knew better.

[kandyzee]

The emotional incest aspect of Frank and Fionas relationship has been on my mind sm so imma talk about it.

I don't exclusively think that it's emotional. Frank makes a few creepy comments but I'm gonna talk about that after.

First here is a quick summary of what emotional incest is cause so far everyone I have tried to talk to about this didn't know what it was

I think the most noticeable example of Frank going to fiona for emotional support is how he makes her raise her siblings. Throughout the whole show, Frank talks about how his kids are a consistent cause of stress for him, even goes as far to blame them for his drinking. Part of the reason he's so good with franny is because there isn't as much responsibility and grandchild 'don't expect anything' from him. He willingly unloads that work onto fiona even when she is a young child. The burden/stress should have been passed onto Monica. Since she isn't around, a lot of the time Fiona steps up. This is why I think this aspect of their relationship goes unnoticed. People accept that fiona had no choice when really Frank could have found an adult to help him like fiona goes to kev & Vee. Frank had brothers, for example, but he wanted fiona, his young daughter, instead.

Something I think is almost just as significant is Fionas' willingness to help Frank despite her obvious hate for him. In season one, Fiona is the most determined out of all her siblings to get Frank back from Canada. That, to me, shows that bringing Frank home is normal. It's part of her job as the caretaker of the house. She isn't just taking care of her siblings but also Frank. Not only does fiona get Frank back, but she trusts he will. We see this in S3 ep1 when fiona tells Debbie that 'He always comes back'. During that same scene, we find out that Frank had left fiona for almost a year when she was 9. Frank isn't dumb. He knows fiona will worry about him. By leaving her for so long, Frank doesn't just put her siblings' lives in her hands but also puts the worry of his wellbeing on her, too. Although I don't think this is him directly him leaning on her emotionally. we know Frank is happiest when he knows someone is careing/worrying for him. I find it odd that he decides to find that feeling with fiona of all people.

A scene I think about a lot is when fiona goes to comfort Frank about his mother.

Frank doesn’t say anything. He leans into her slightly and accepts the comfort she is giving him. Typically, when Frank's parenting is criticised, he gets mad, especially if he is already emotional. Here tho when fiona says that her parents suck referring to him, he smiles. This is because it's fiona saying it to him. Frank knows he's being insulted, but there's a disconnect for him. Frank doesn't fully see himself as fionas dad. I also think it's interesting how he so easily let's fiona be motherly towards him (she's comforting in the same way she would with her younger siblings) when it's his real mum that has caused his pain to begin with. Fiona is a tool to fill different roles. In this example, it's the parental one.

A large part of what emotional incest is is the idea that the parents view the child as a like partner. This is 1000% Frank and Fiona. I've talked about how fiona takes the parental responsibility that should be Monica's, but it's Frank himself that compares the two in a different way.

Thinking of Frank being attracted to Fiona makes me deeply uncomfortable, but I think it's a real possibility and shouldn't be pushed aside. The 'wild and dangerous' natural of monica is something Frank fell in love with. At Monica's funeral, Frank tells the story of when he fell for her. The story summed up is Monica acting 'crazy' and being naked. Saying his daughter looks like her mum isn't inherently creepy. It's normal until the 'stripper on a bender dangerous'. It's a description of the 'wild and dangerous' Frank finds so attractive. It almost sounds like a reference to how Frank and Monica fell in love if Monica was a stripper ofc. Even still then you could argue that he doesn't mean it like that. If you think about instances like in s1 ep8 where Frank tells his daughter to be 'skins' meaning she would take her top off ,it clicks as something much more unsettling.

I think the shift in their relationship started when fiona was 9 yrs old. She often brings up this age, probably because it was the most traumatic. This is the age where Frank is away for most of the year.

The way I imagine it is that Frank comes home to find that Fiona has matured considerably. The fact that she says guys have been trying to sleep with her since she was 9 makes me think she was an early bloomer. Considering she had been solo raising her siblings for a large amount of time, she has developed emotionally, not just physically. This leads Frank to relying on her more than he would before. She's more capable, and her older appearance makes it's that little bit easier to start forming the previously mentioned disconnect with being her father.

The effects of covert incest (they could be caused by something else who knows) match up perfectly with Fiona. She has problems surrounding both physical and emotional intimacy, has a lack of self-esteem and identity, finds it hard to set and adhere to boundaries, and has a love/hate relationship with her parent. The way she leaves the show is a great example of these imo. It's her lack of identity that pushes her so deep into the caretaker role. Her desperation to look after everyone causes strain on her siblings' relationships because she can't handle boundaries. Her low self-esteem makes it easier for her to fall into alcoholism. When all these things come to a head, she leaves to find herself.

Another factor to why this lable fits their dynamic is Frank's favouritism towards Fiona. Fiona prefers Frank to Monica, and when Frank reveals he has a hidden daughter, she is upset. Nor just because Frank lied but also about that means her place is at risk of being taken. The special treatment she gets from being the favourite starts as something good but slowly fades into something more unpleasant. When she stops being daddies little girl like she's meant to Frank, he gets mad. He sabotages her relationships as if he's determined to be the only man in her life. The way Frank acts with Jimmy Steve feels more like a jealous ex than a concerned dad.

The last key thing i want to talk about is that Frank doesn't mention fiona at the end of the show. This might should be like a reach but stay with me. At the start of the show, Frank says,'Fiona, my rock, huge help. Has all the best qualities of her mother, except she's not a raging psycho bitch.' The first ever thing we find out about Fiona is that she is like her mother and has essentially taken her place. Its made to sound like they are a team. Fiona is the only one to be compared to someone else. When Frank gets over Monica's death, he gets over fiona, too. Frank has so deeply intertwined Monica and fiona that without fiona near him, she is simply forgettable. Even though fiona is Frank's favourite, he doesn't see her as her own person. She was a placeholder, and with no one to step in for, she isn't worth mentioning.

I still think I could say more about this, but I'm not risking getting everything deleted again, so I'm done. I do really fast wanna say that sometimes the parents don't realise they have such an unhealthy relationship with their kids, so for once, Frank might not know what he's doing wrong here.

[141trash]

AN: so I know its not exactly simon x reader its all platonic, but I wasn't sure how else to tag this. Actually if you squint it could be Ghost x Soap I'll let you decide :) Sometimes my brain says things should exist so I write them. Loosely borrows the Master of Death concept from the HP series because yes. She's my OC if you want to know more just let me know I mostly just wanted to practice writing Simon idk and wanted him to be comforted :(

"Let's say I believed you," the exhausted lieutenant's voice broke the quiet hiss of sand shifting in the warm breeze. He laid staring up at the cloudless blue sky, knife held limply in one hand. His balaclava was torn off and cast aside, leaving his face exposed to the unrelenting sun.

"Mhm?" Came the sweet voice, acknowledging his words and probing gently for him to continue.

"If I believe you're the master of death or whatever," he croaked out, throat parched, "Why me? Why save me? There're billions of people who deserve to be saved over me."

Her head cocked to the side, observing him for a moment.

"Why do you believe you're not worth saving?" she asked instead of answering. Simon let out a harsh laugh interrupted by a bout of coughing and a resigned grunt of pain.

"y'just need to look at me to know that love. My mask. I'm a killer. Got my family killed. My mum, my brother." he swallowed, voice cracking as he continued, "His beautiful wife, and their little boy."

He gulped feeling the hot sting of tears and used some of his waning strength to swipe them angrily away. When she didn't say anything he turned his head in her direction. It was hard to believe that he wasn't hallucinating. Sitting next to him in the middle of the desert was a six year old in a pink tutu and a burnt tiara of some sort, perched in her golden curls. Small hands drew shapes and patterns in the scorching sand as if the temperature didn't affect her. Big innocent green eyes bore into him in a way that very much felt like she was staring into his soul.

"The skull mask was an interesting choice," She agreed dryly, "I won't disagree that you're a killer either, given your chosen profession. But you didn't get your family killed. The actions of others are not yours to take the blame for."

"Y'r surprisingly wise for a kid."

The master of death rolled her eyes and smiled, revealing a set of pearly white teeth, "Today I'm a kid."

"Sure. like tomorrow you're not goin' to be."

She gave a shrug of her shoulders, "Maybe, maybe not. It's not exactly my choice."

"Y'didn't answer my question." he coughed again, "If you're the master of death. Why me?"

"I don't make those decisions. I think death would be rather cross with me if that was the case. Everything dies at some point. It's part of the cycle. But death says I'm still ruled by my human emotions. If I had the choice, I don't think I would let people die. And then there really would be no point to life."

He laughed again and then groaned, the side where he'd been shot throbbed horribly.

"You sure you ain't just here to kill me?" Simon wheezed out, hands tightening into fists, "Because it sure feels like it."

Tenderly she reached out and smoothed one of his hands, grasping at it with her much smaller one.

"Of course not Simon." she clucked her tongue as if to scold him, "Pain means you're alive. Keep living. Find your reason to keep living. It's important. You're important."

His vision was darkening with each passing second and her voice was growing murky, like he was hearing it underwater. Gasping in panic he forced his eyes open.

"It hurts," it came out as a whimper. She smiled sadly at him, bright green eyes wet with sympathy.

"I know sweetheart, but it won't be forever."

Then she was gone. The small, but reassuring grip she'd had on his hand disappeared and the panic fully settled in. He tried to call out to her. He didn't want to be alone again. Anything, but having to face the world alone again. He wanted to beg and plead for her to return, but his mouth refused to listen.

Rough hands grabbed hold of him, jerking him back to consciousness. When he managed to get his eyes open again he saw a familiar tanned, if a little blurry, face staring back at him with worry in his eyes. Johnny. Johnny was there.

He saw the sergeant's mouth moving, but he couldn't hear. All of his senses were on fire, everything was too loud, to rough, too painful. No part of him didn't hurt.

He was alive and Johnny was here. Weakly he lifted a hand to grasp the shoulder of the Scottish man's vest.

"You're here." was all he managed to gasp weakly attempting to smile before his mind gave out and he fell into darkness. This time he gave in willingly. He wasn't alone anymore.

[fodenswhore]

Cobra Kai Season 6 PT 1

(discussion/rant???)

- seeing as i did a rant over cobra kai season 5 on here, it’s only fitting that i do the same for part one of season 6!

🐍- as only one half of the season has been released, it wouldn’t really be fair to form a stalemate opinion on what i’ve seen so far. i didn’t hate it, i didn’t dislike it, i didn’t love it - it was just fine. in my opinion, it didn’t have the same exciting vibe as the previous seasons, not sure what it was but it just felt like something was missing. i’m hoping part 2 will feel different.

pregnancy storyline - my opinion on this storyline has and will not change. i still find it unnecessary, i still find it predictable and i still believe the trope ruins any book or movie that it’s worked into. however, that being said, it’s been interesting to see johnny’s character development this season. he’s fully embracing the whole pregnancy and baby vibe and it is pretty sweet to see.

johnny - like i said, it’s been interesting to see johnny’s characters development this season. i really liked the version of johnny we got to see. he got a job!!, he and daniel worked well together (in brief moments), he was supportive of both robby and miguel and he encouraged and supported devon. it was nice to see him getting his life together.

kreese - he’s a wanted man. how did he manage to travel to two different countries? UNDETECTED????

mr miyagi - i was a little baffled by the mr miyagi storyline. it’s so great that they still include him and talk about him because he was such a vital character in the karate kid movies, but i’m not exactly sure where they plan on taking this storyline?? i wonder if maybe mr miyagi used to train/work with sensei kim’s grandfather? we obviously saw that he entered the Sekai Taikai tournament so maybe they entered together?

daniel - ugh he was low-key irritating. miyagi do is supposed to be a partnership between eagle fang and miyagi do, however it just seems like it’s purely miyagi do. i feel they could’ve merged the names and become miyagi fang? i get he wants peace but he was basically causing rifts with johnny for the most stupidest of things. hoping he does better in part 2.

tory - the way no one ran after her when she walked out of miyagi do?? not even robby, her boyfriend?? everyone knew her mum was the only family she had (besides her brother) so i cant believe they just left her to fend for herself and grieve alone. honestly i don’t blame her for joining cobra kai again. it’s hard to say whether she would’ve won the female captaincy if she stayed at miyagi do but she definitely would’ve ended up hurting sam during the fight. i loved the friendship she and sam were forming so hopefully she comes back to miyagi do and they become friends again.

hawk - no WAY did the former all valley male champion not get into the final six for the Sekai Taikai on default. i was so shocked when hawk didn’t get into the group automatically with tory, sam, miguel and robby. and then he only got a place because tory quit like whatttttt! he’s one of the strongest fighters in my opinion, miles better than devon and demetri.

demetri - irritating. never stopped yapping about MIT. thinks he’s the shit. i usually like him but not this season.

kyler- nice to see character development from kyler because he was an absolute prick in the other seasons. he’s still cringe but was cool to see him getting along with miguel and the others.

devon/kenny - devon was annoying, i get the Sekai Taikai is a once in a lifetime opportunity but practically begging for a spot isn’t a good look. she needs to believe in herself and needs to stop worrying about how good others are around her. and the cheating to get into the tournament! like if she can’t win fairly at the challenge to get into tournament, how is she gonna be decent at the tournament at all. kenny deserved that chance to go to the Sekai Taikai, he’s a much stronger and aggressive fighter and it would’ve been perfect for him to show his real potential. i can’t believe the writers made him shit himself and look like an idiot.

so overall, i liked the season so far but i wasn’t overly amazed with it. as always the karate fight scenes were amazing! and this is not hating on the show or the actors this is just me giving my opinion.

find my season 5 rant here :)

[artemisiafem]

It really breaks my heart when I think of the TIFs who may be in the situation I was once in.

I was extremely dysphoric, and in some ways, I still am. I grew up being treated so differently to my brother, just because I was a girl. I felt like it would be impossible for me to do many things as a woman (so I must have been male). I wasn’t diagnosed with autism, because I was a girl, and felt the reasons I was so different from my peers in many ways must have been because I was in fact a boy. I felt the fact that I was logical, not emotional, and interested in information rather than shopping or makeup meant that I was a boy, because I was told a girl couldn’t be those things. When I talked about the clothes I wanted to wear - a suit, because I thought it was cool - my mum jokingly asked me if I wanted to be a boy. When I didn’t want to wear dresses or skirts because they made me feel exposed, or wouldn’t wear heels because they hurt my feet, I thought it must have been because I was a boy. I hit puberty early and was sexualised and abused at an early age, I developed an eating disorder for the same reason that I wanted to transition: I wanted to be all straight lines, I did not want any part of me to be something that would draw the attention of men to me.

I was extremely online at the time and couldn’t relate to any of my peers at school. It was only a matter of time before I started identifying as nonbinary and then as a transgender man. It feels like the issue must be even worse now, with the effects of the pandemic and social media like TikTok on isolation.

I was lucky in that my parents were not accepting, even though I couldn’t fathom this at the time. I would have gladly medically transitioned had I the chance and I am so grateful I did not. I am also lucky in that I grew up with a staunchly feminist mother who provided a base for me to look further into issues of society through a feminist lens.

Coming to the conclusion that the issue was a societal one - that I could be a woman and still be myself, that the way I felt was not some individual issue, but instead a consequence of a society which pushes a sexualised, degraded image of women and girls - genuinely saved my life. When I identified as trans, I fully intended to kill myself as I thought it would not be possible for me to transition while my parents were alive - and even if I had been able to transition, I would have wasted all the years of my life living as a girl.

I still struggle with my mental health, but I am doing so much better than I ever was then. Recovery actually feels possible now. I no longer blame my body for everything that has happened to me, and it is so liberating.

[monsterkissed]

yesterday i heard my dad talking to my brother on the phone and thought oh r they planning to actually Do Something for my bday for the first time ever?? and got a little excited wondering ab it. but turns out my brother was taking my mum's rental car back with her following him so she could drive them back, but she got lost and decided it was easier to just go home and leave him stranded in one of wales' many bumfuck nowhere towns and he was asking if one of us could do the 4 hour round trip to pick him up and take him home. and honestly i only have myself to blame bc if u take my mother's utter lack of consideration for anyone in her life (including people actively doing favours for her at the time) causing a massive inconvenience she fully expects others to tidy up, and u weigh that up next to the odds of anyone in my immediate family thinking it worthwhile to do something nice for me on one single day of the entire year... i mean if you put 50p on that bet you'd be an absolute fool, so ig tomorrow i will be a year older but demonstrably not a smidge wiser.

[painterofhorizons]

Family stuff non dramatic but exhausting under the cut

My dad is 63, medically retired. My parents are divorced, my mum has a new partner. Family is very small, just my bro (married+children) and me and them. By which I mean, my dad has zero social contacts - but me. He fully leans on my for everything. Everyday calls (always in the evening), day trips basically every weekend. Partially because I enjoy spending time with him, bigger partially because I feel responsible because of not for me he will have no contact with no one. Bro+fam maybe once every month in good months. Less usually. But since I'm alone, dad thinks it's fine to fully lean on me. Often I try to get him call old friends - he doesn't have many but he has some with shared interests. But he's always like they have family so he would only come in at a bad time (not like people can call back or not like they would never call him in the first place). He's like everything costs money (which plainly ain't correct). Then he gets angry if I don't want to discuss politics in the evening, after I had a full day or week of work and just look forward to turn my brain off for the night do stuff I enjoy. And when I know we disagree boldly in political stuff and I know discussions about it will end in fights. And the more dad stays inside and has no contact with anyone but me the more close minded he becomes and the worse he's to be around

And what I'm trying to say is I'm so exhausted. I don't want to draw more rigid boundaries because then he wouldn't have even less contact with anyone and nothing would improve.

But I'm so tired of him grumpily telling me "well I guess I'll just talk to one of the other twenty people in my life". I'm so tired of the emotional blackmailing. I'm so tired of being his only source of support. I'm so tired of the ever same discussions. I'm so tired of him acting like it would be better life is done when he has children and grand children. I'm tired of asking him if he's been outside at all the day. Or trying to get him out.

I'm 34 years old. I might not be married with children, but I have a job and a life and I deserve that respected the same as if I was married with children.

I don't BLAME him. I know it's hard to have social contacts if you don't really have any. I know people don't make it easy for him. I wished my brother would care more and realize what our dad's situation is.

But I'm also so very tired.

I'm so tired, guys.

[author-a-holmes]

Seven Snippets, Seven People

Thank you @wordsacrossemptypages for the tag!

I'm not going to be able to share Darkling content for this one, I don't think. I think seven snippets from a sequel might be more than I'm willing to put down right now.

But I can share seven snippets from Changeling instead.

Taggin forward, with no pressure, to; @afoolandathief, @oh-no-another-idea, @sleepyowlwrites, @sunset-a-story, @ashen-crest, @fictionalbullshitter, and @mr-writes <3

One.

"What, in the realm, are you doing?" Booker asked her on a heavy exhale, his sleep-coated voice rumbling quietly as he ran a weary hand through the tufts of bed-mussed blonde hair in a vain attempt at smoothing them into place.

"Nothing," Lizzy answered, wincing. It was too short, and too sharp, and she hoped he was still drowsy enough to miss her tells.

Her hope sank when Booker paused in his grooming to blink at her owlishly. It took a couple of seconds before her abrupt answer seemed to register, but when it did his frown deepened into an outright scowl.

"Lizzy, you're fully dressed in the middle of the night, with a bag packed, and the best you can come up with is 'nothing'?"

Two.

... he let himself concentrate on the conversation the two troublemakers at his back were trying to keep quiet.

The pair were doing a good job; they were staying several paces back and speaking in hushed tones. If he were human, or fey, he doubted he'd have noticed their murmured argument at all.

Unfortunately for them both, being a vampire gave him a distinct advantage.

"It's not my fault he's acting like a—"

"Please," Mr Reed breathed, pleading, and cutting off his companion's scathing comment. With Andric's back to them, he didn't bother smothering the amused grin that spread across his face.

Three.

"I just... I couldn't stand being in that house."

"I can't imagine how difficult—"

"No," Andric agreed, cutting Hilda off, his voice quiet, "you can't. Dad's near catatonic with grief, and when he's not he's destroying the house, or picking physical fights with anyone who can punch back harder than him. Mum's splitting her time between crying, and blaming me for—"

"Your brother's situation is not your fault, Andric," Thomas growled. The sound was primal, predatory, and it reminded Andric how much older Walcott was than the average vampire. Slowly, the breath that had caught in his throat released into a sigh and he shrugged.

Four.

"Why?" he asked, and Nameer shrugged one shoulder.

"Rumour is, he's on the warpath. Does it matter why?" he asked, sighing before uncapping their prescribed daily dose of animal blood and stirring it into his mashed potatoes, giving Andric the perfect excuse to grimace in disgust.

"We all know he's a prideful little shit," Nameer continued. "Just figured you might want to be on hand, in case someone needs to have their back."

"Yeah, thanks," Andric murmured, glancing away from the ruined mash and blood, and letting his eyes skip across the hall...

Five.

"You... you believe me?" Lizzy asked, blinking in shock.

"You've no reason to lie."

"Well, no. I don't, but— but everyone else—. Even with Cara's help, I—"

"I am not in the habit of deluding myself, just because the reality is something I don't wish to contemplate," Gladstone said, lowering her cup to the desk.

Six.

Even as the words spilt over his tongue and across his lips, Andric knew his tone was too hard, too harsh, and her shell-shocked expression only reinforced that.

Booker was glaring at him, and Andric sighed, "Lizzy—"

"Don't," she hissed. "I don't want to hear it."

She spun on her heel and stalked over to the door, yanking it open and disappearing into the hall before Andric was able to shake himself out of his shock.

Seven.

It was the growing silence that made him grind to a halt, Lizzy almost stumbling into him at his abrupt stillness. He could feel the weight of her gaze on his face and swiped his thumb across her hand again, but he couldn't spare her any additional reassurance, before tilting his head to listen to the forest.

His brow furrowed, as he strained his hearing to its limits, but there was nothing.

Not a bird ruffling its feathers, not a mosquito whining in the distance. Perfect stillness, and Andric felt nausea begin gathering in the pit of his stomach.

[theniftycat]

My grandma is an orphan who grew up with her relatives. At first, her grandfather took her in, he loved her very much, but soon he died too. Then she lived with her aunt who wasn't very keen on her.

My mother is the first child and she has a sister 7 years younger than her. Grandma loves her youngest very much, while my mum was often abandoned as a child and treated as an adult from an early age.

My mum is very patient, she put up with my dad's awful behaviour for years and then they both changed for the better and now they're happy together. My dad is also traumatised af, but that's another story.

My brother and I grew up very loved by both our parents and happy, even though we both had our grudges and bad pages.

I'm very proud of what my mum was able to make out of herself, she's truly an example of healing herself and the others.

Her sister though... Both her and my grandma take my mum for granted and expect her to do the most. She does everything she healthily can. They still blame her and don't fully trust her because they don't trust themselves. It truly breaks my heart.

Idk why I'm writing this. It's just that talking to my mum for hours and telling her she did nothing wrong feels like the best thing I can do with my life. Sometimes healing is something you have to help with. And it has to be done.

[2fast2furious2depressed]

Being twenty-five years old is odd, I am definitively an adult but with barely any adult experience. The essence of youth and the ignorance is there but an awareness that it is fleeting and that my life will simply continue. When I was sixteen, I was so sure I would not make it to here; I believed that I would commit suicide or die tragically. I believed that I would never function in society and yet here I am. I am able to maintain an illusion of having my life together. Last year was objectively the worst year of my life, things happened that I still can’t fully comprehend, I worry that I have forgotten my mum. I have in a sense, what it was like when she was well and we would talk about her work and the music she liked. I can’t properly recount what her childhood was like or the funny anecdotes, they died with her and I now just poorly replicate it and hope I don’t offend her. I spent the last couple of years concerned about my family and how I would take care of them. It’s not really freedom that I gained rather I dropped the mirage that I was tied to my family and must make sure everyone is okay before I consider myself. I can’t blame my brothers or my parents, they all are living their lives and did not force me to hold these beliefs. I think often about what led me to this notion, was I truly lonely as a child that I craved my family together, that I was aware of these hurt feelings or hardships and felt as though I had to ease the burden. I believe that my existence is a burden.

I find it difficult to enjoy things when there is no chaos or stress, it leaves me time to think, and it hurts. I love my friends but also I don’t know, I feel disconnected from them. It’s hard to talk about some things, that my feelings are just chaotic and I can’t really predict. I don’t know when I am going to be sad but I suddenly feel a hole in my chest that hurts. I am reminding that love doesn’t disappear, it doesn’t shift to another person, my love for my mum can’t go anywhere, where do I put it? I just feel lost in a way I didn’t feel before, like I have lost a safety net and now I have to wait for the right time to talk about it and even then the advice is not what I need nor want.

I am experiencing a type of loneliness that I have never felt before.

[illkeepyourbrittleheartwarm]

Since I've been low-contact with my dad rather than no contact, he's been unnaturally nice. Like, himself when I was 3, on crack (figuratively). Like I shit rainbows and puke flowers. Apparently he's been trying to not drink and be better back in the house too. And he's taking his meds consistently. He was drinking tonight and last weekend though, but not being abusive.

He also consented to his therapist reporting him to social services. So they're involved in every crevice of the family now. That's obviously not a bad thing.

I'm also not scared of him anymore. That's not because he's suddenly being nice to me. He was losing his temper at my house when they helped me move, and I yelled back at him twice. Once for my mum, once for myself. My body was scared then. But my body will always react in fear. It's how the trauma wired my brain.

I'm glad my brother and mum don't have to suffer what me and our middle brother did, but it also feels so cruel. That now he gets to fix up, apologise, and be better. That now my trauma will be invalidated even more. That even though he fucked me up for life, that I will always feel disgusting and unlovable, that I will always question my worth and will never truly believe any man is fully good. Not because he personally destroyed my belief in good men, but because he traumatised me so badly that I became the perfect victim for other men. And every single one of them took advantage of it, regardless of how "good" they seemed or I thought they were.

That my body will always be in pain and disabled because my brain was in survival mode for so long that it fucked the pain signals in my body up. That I will never be able to trust what my body and brain tell me, and twist it so much to convince myself i'm to blame for everything that has been done to me, that I eventually don't believe what I KNOW. That my abuse made me so fucking self aware and hypervigilant and over intellectualised regarding my brain, that every therapist sends me off to the next person they can think of

[moonlit-orchid]

Okay, time to explain.

So I'm visiting London with my family. Yesterday, i went for a walk with my brother and sister. We're staying in a pretty residental area and i wanted to go to somewhere with more shops and stuff.

My sister decided Hey let's go to Elephant and Castle. It's half an hour on foot, but we've walked half an hour before, and it didn't seem that far. I feel like pointing out that I have zero geographical knowledge so I thought it really wasn't that far. Were we heading down there later to my family friends'? Yes. But my sister's logic was that we weren't going to the same area as the shops so I was like Ok Fine.

But my sister insisted we take the underground trains. And the thing is, we never actually took the underground without our parents. We weren't sure if our father (he's the one who makes most decisions about this stuff because he actually knows what places are like and whether it's safe or not) would like us three going on the underground, with one small adult, a teen girl, and a preteen boy. It doesn't exactly seem safe. Plus there's all those stories of stuff happening. And we are only visiting, so its not like we have experience of the underground. In any case we weren't exactly allowed to take the underground. Especially not to a location when we were meant to be on a walk.

Also there was no signal so it would worry the hell out of our mum if no one answered her calls.

I was dumb and agreed to take the train. My sister sold it was a 5 minute ride, just in and out, which we could easily dismiss.

Ha ha.

It took 20 minutes to top up my Oyster card because i firstly didn't know how to stick in my bank card, and THEN didn't remember my pin because I use contactless, so I've never put in my pin, and there was no signal so i couldnt check it on my app. My sister decided to pay and bought my brother a child's ticket.

Then we had to take TWO trains. And that took like 10 to 15 minutes. We'd already been underground for over half an hour which is a long time for some kids who never really took the underground alone (my sister and I have once, but that was a return to the flat the last visit we had and it was much quicker and smoother than this mess).

And THEN we were running around platforms for 10 minutes trying to find stairs to leave because lifts make me sick (which wouldn't have happened if my sister let us use the FIRST set of emergency stairs to begin with. We left using emergency stairs anyway- there's no emergency door or alarm there really it's more of a back exit).

By the time we were out we were exhausted and THEN our mother phoned and she was not happy that we were so far away. I hadn't told her about the train. Also she was feeling sick and my youngest brother, who is 5 and autistic, was being difficult. So she wasn't very happy to start with. And we had to take a bus home at once.

At the flat I told her what happened, and she was pretty calm but also very stunned and disappointed that we did something that stupid and dangerous (I fully agree with her- it was dangerous for inexperienced visitors who all are barely more than children to go on the tube for so long and also have no signal and ALSO do it without telling anyone or getting permission) and then she asked my sister to give her side of the story.

That girl had a full on meltdown and began yelling. She does this a lot so it was nothing new for us.

This time though, my mum was done with her antics. She knows her to know that it's near impossible for me to stand up to her or say no so she wasn't blaming me or my brother (who we really just dragged around, poor kid). And when my dad came from his walk, she told him we went on the underground without permission.

My dad looked at me and I immediately said "it wasn't my idea". He asked me whose it was, and I just told him to guess- I didn't want to directly incriminate my sister even though it was her fault. He knew exactly who it was and went and went to my sister (who was very busy lying on the makeshift bed on the floor with her eyes closed pretending she was sick) and asked her if it was her idea but she said nothing. My dad didn't say anything and he dropped me, my mum, and my youngest brother at our family friend's house, and he didn't say anything at all. I tested his mood when I said goodbye and he spoke in a fairly normal voice with me so I guessed he wasn't too mad at me. That's the last I've seen of him since.

Because he went home to our city due to work!

He apparently came to the flat because he forgot a thing but didn't say anything to my sister. I don't know what will happen when we see him again, but I know it's her he's mad at. She's been difficult for the past year, just throwing tantrums, verbally abusing me and my mum, and refusing to obey house rules. I'm going to admit my parents are a bit on the stricter side, but my family is pretty religious too and the strictness is in accordance to that, and I fully understand and agree with their rules (except when my mum says I can't order bubble tea :( it's not THAT unhealthy... or pricey...I think). My sister on the other hand is rebelling against even the smallest of things, and doesn't understand how to respect others' boundaries while demanding ludicrous ones to be followed for herself, and is basically a nightmare to live with. She's been a nightmare since yesterday and is more busy victimising herself instead of accepting she screwed up a bit like me and my brother did.

Anyway, that's what happened yesterday. Usually when we make our parents really mad we get our phones confiscated for a day or two (that's really all they do) so I was expecting that to happen to I decided to post that. My anxiety made it seem more dramatic and serious than it actually was, but that's what being the oldest daughter does lol. Thank you to everyone who sent me their well wishes and sorry about worrying you all! It was one of those things that seem more serious at the time than it actually was X3

If i disappear from tumblr for a while its because i got dragged into something and am being punished along with the actual perpetrator.

I dont know yet cause im waiting for my dad who's gonna handle this situation

But let me put it on record i am NOT guilty of anything except for being guilty of being manipulated by a bully.

wish me luck

[blorbobird]

Lucemond × Hogwarts AU

( in which luke is hospitalized for the damage aemond's caused, aemonds gone into an unexpected spiral, and haelena calls him on his bullshit )

Not even death could grant Lucerys the peace of absolute silence.

There he laid in the hospital wing, unconscious and sore, unable to open a single eye or be too aware of pretty much anything. It all had been in an out. Murmurs, dazy pictures and blurred vision in the brief moments he could gather the strength to open up his eyes. None of it mattered and none of it made sense anyway.

The only thing that notified him that he was infact alive had been the voices. His brother's, his mums, other indistinct ones that merged into Charlie-Brown background chatter. It had started to get more frequent and clear with time. Merlin only knows how long he's been out for. 

"You think he'll be okay?" His mother, Rhaenyra's, sweet voice asked a disembodied person on the other side of his hosptial bed.

Deep, humored, masculine. "Maybe just a nasty headache for a few days," Daemon, possibly. "If he was in any real serious danger Id make sure Aemond's stupid little head was hanging above my fire place right now."

Yes. Definitely Daemon.

"The boy should be expelled." Rhaenyra says in an upset, low voice. Over protective as always and playing with the image of Aemond's head on a pike even now.

"Lucerys apparently provoked him," Daemon says with all but an eye roll. It isnt that hard to believe, the boy is mouthy, but he is also lively aware how quickly that damned group of people twist things. " Hightower convinced detention until the end of term. Its obvious however that a number of people don't want Aemond's name withdrawaled from the tournament before they even get the chance to see whom is entered."

The two brief meeting they had on this topic hadnt gone well. Lannister, Cole, Hightower and even Baratheon such all voting in favor. Rhaenys had settled no expulsion until the boy woke up. It probably helped also that Aemond himself made no argument towards any of this. He had also been the one to carry Lucerys to the infirmary seconds later, wasting no time, but such a small useless detail meant nothing.

Especially to Rhaenyra. Who saw his subtle regret when no one else was looking, but also knew damn well that reckless male was the reason her precious boy was harmed at all.

Lucerys feels something warm squeeze his hand and he groans in response. Trying to squeeze it back but he doesn't have the energy. He wants to comfort his mother, tell her that he's okay and wrap her in a silly big hug so her voice stops sounding so broken. So concerned. 

More murmurs and a kiss on the forehead before he truly dozes off again.

☛

His next memory feels like eons later but in actuality, all it had been was a day. He lays unconcious, trying to get feeling in his finger tips, wiggling them at his sides.

It had been under Jace's watch during the night. His older brother hadnt left his side since he heard about the incident and frankly Jacerys blamed himself for it. 

Had it been all that damaging? No. A few first-degree burn marks on his arms that were currently being healed away with potion and herbs. The fiendfyre hadnt gotten close enough to wound by the time Rhaenys said the cancellation spell.

A pair of singed off bodyhair had been the remaining crux of it. His eyebrows had grew back in within a few hours thanks to the Maester's knowledge of hair replacement charms. 

"He's quite pretty," Haelena said so quietly to the point where if Lucerys had been fully conscious, he would've jumped out of his skin. Not even aware of her presence. "Like sleeping beauty." 

She hums a tune and Jace smiles for the first time in several hours. "His hair is a bit longer with all these healing and hexes happening. He'll be livid." A gentle muse that has Lucerys gently sighing.

Wondering how fucked up he look, a piece of bacon with a glam-rock wig perhaps? He could only imagine the worst whilst he couldn't view the damage personally yet.

"I wanna play with it, its so curly," He feels finger tips gently stroke at the locks by his base of his neck. "But I dont wanna braid it until he allows me. Some people get grumpy with that." She thinks of Aemond. How he use to let her braid his hair but doesnt let anyone go near it anymore. A prank with Aegon got wrong, another story for another time. "Maybe some flowers though?" 

Jace's smile remains. "Perhaps," Humored at the thought.  "We can put them in before mom arrives in the morning. It think she'll like it too. Get those yellow ones he likes—" 

Foot steps enter then a humored voice. "There you two are!," It sounds petty, somewhat accusatory, like the male doesnt like Haelena and Jace had been where he thought they were. Like he caught them doing something wrong instead of tending to a unconious family member. "Searching half the castle for my sweet little sister. Funny to find you here-"

"Aegon," Jace's voice no longer hints at kindness. "Not now. Go away," He'd been avoiding him since this happened yesterday. Nothing good can come from such a secret affair. Exhibit A was lying in the bed to prove as such.

The foot steps stop. "Oh, how you wound me," A hand over the heart with a dramatic sigh. "I just wanna talk,"

"Im busy-" 

"Just five minutes," He prompts and its quickly declined with a shake of the head from Jace. Haelena helps however persuading sides once she stares at her brother long enough to relaize motive.

"I can watch him," Her voice sweet and quiet. Like shes afraid to speak. "You havent even had a bathroom break or food in a while. A few mintues wont harm? Stretch out your legs."

Jacerys wants to comment that he has stretched out his legs with the eariler constant pacing enough, thank you and goodbye. But the way Aegon is looking at him, fists clasped at his sides, and sleepless. Along with the idea of food does hesitate the string of swear words all alluding to 'Fuck Off' and 'Begone, Slut' when Haelena looks at him like that. His dear precious aunt, who he respects and trusts so much more than the rest of the Hightower Clan.

A single glance back at Luke before he gives in. "Two mintued and two mintues only," Voice firm as he stands. Dismissed away with Aegon down the hall who looks both relieved and amused.

The hospital wing becomes silent once more as the doors close behind the pair. Haelena waits until the footsteps are out of sound and the boys are out of sight completely until she stands. Brushing a few strands of hair away from Luke's face.

"You are quite pretty," he looked like Rhayenra to her in a way that Jace hadnt. The way he spoke maybe, youthful sass and determination. Whilst Jacerys always carried her leader ship qualities, Luke held more of her fire. Less bravery and more so reckless ness.

Not to mention his flushed, cute little cheeks that she pinched mindlessly. Watching a tinge of pink spread across his face and nose when she hears a creak. Something others would dismiss, its such an old castle anyway, but it was all she needed for confirmation.

"I know you're there, brother." Although thought genuinely, mostly by Aegon, to be a complete dumbass the girl was rather wise. In a way her family didnt really expect. She was a ravenclaw after all, why did her relatives question it so much? All besides this one. "No ones here. You'll have a few minutes-"

Aemond stepped out of the shadows as if he'd been there for a while. Face tight but half startled he was revealed so easily. His and Aegon's timing to dismiss Jace had been rather clear, and Haelena caught on rather quickly. He wondered how many seconds into his younger sister walking into the room eariler, had she realized he was watching? 

"For someone who wants him dead you do spend an awful amount of time checking up on him?" She quips looking up to meet her brothers gaze finally. 

He finally speaks. "I dont-" He sighs through the nose. Voice quieter. Not wanting to admit his error.

She reads no signs of such and gladly calls him out on it. "You lost control of your wand," 

Aemond's lips press into a thin line but he doesnt object at all. The best fiendfyre caster at Durmstrang, and he lost control? How demeaning.

She continues. "Why'd you go after him in the first place-"

"His mouth-" That girl was touching his hair, too. But he doesn't say that. It had added to the fire of singing him again. How perfect and untouched his life had been.

"You taunted him with a dark curse?! Infront of everyone!"

Thats not true. None of the adults were there. None of the ones that mattered, at least. Just useless students clogging up tables and continuing on with their lives as he sat there. Time had changed, everyone had, but he hadnt.

"I just wanted to see how good at dueling he's got." He hasnt moved from his first step. Eyeing the open space at the foot-end of Luke's bed. Guilt racked at his insides and he despised every moment of it. Something Aegon and him use to joke at celebrating, hurting one of those boys, that house, but when he was handed a wine glass after all he tasted was bitter fruit and the means to upchuck it all. "... He's still horrible." 

Had Lucerys had known water was useless, enchanted and not, against Fiendfyre? No. His knowledge remained some what dismal to dark magic. Common sense was irrlevenent there. Only one spell can undo it and it had been a spell he hadnt none.

"He hasnt had to face hardships at this school. In his life to the same degree even, as we have!" Haelena raises her voice just so at the thought and it quickly lowers back down. 

The thought of it twists Aemond's insides differently. That lucky bastard had no hardships. No calpsuses on his finger tips or scars on his perfect flesh, wounds in his soul.

"And you know that … you wanted him to fail." And fail publicly at that. Embarrassment had been the goal. Harassing fear into the small thing, striking some feverant emotion as Lucerys had done so blindly into him. "You wanted to hurt him and make a show out of it."

He didnt need to be told what he wanted. He knew what he wanted, and it didnt need to be mixed up by anyone else. Aemonds thoughts and actions were his and his alone to act upon. Misconstrued opinions be damned. 

Even if she was someone correct.

"I didnt want to kill him," He repeats like prayer. The mantra he's been saying over and over again to any countless person who asked.

"You tried to burn him alive?" Haelena retorts standing and moving away from the bed. Her voice curious now, gentle. "Why?" 

A flesh wound marred enough to be permanent. 'You made your mark on me, I wanted to return the favor.' A physical reminder of Aemond to match. His initial goal amongst returning was of course the eye. It had always been the goal.

Upon meeting his gaze at the Triward Tournament entry ceremony, however, his goal changed. He couldnt bring himself to take out either eye once seeing them. Aemond hadnt known why and decided not to think too deep into it. 

"I wanted to burn him as he burns me." He says finally. "Nothing fatal." 

"But he didnt-" Haelena becomes silent. Sighing through her nose once more. Not understanding, yet seeing more than anyone else had. Lucerys hadnt burned Aemond, not physically. 

Looking back at Luke in the bed she stares. "Just try to make peace with them. Both of them, Lucerys especially. The little one, too but I doubt he'll cause any drama." She says hearing footsteps come back. Distant bickering between Aegon and Jace about probably something dumb and dull. Lovers quarrels, yes. She knew of that too. 

"You dont have to love him. You dont even have to like him," She laughs. "Just stop trying to kill and or maim him." 

No longer pulling for thread with Aemond, a beat passes between them. The eighteen year old neither agreeing nor disagreeing until finally somethings made of as they both stare at him.

Aemond takes a step forward. "He's been trying to move his fingers," He says finally. Seeing those small twitches become ignored over and over again. "Stimulate his blood cells and nerve endings in his wrists and he should be fine." He's seen enough dueling injuries to know better. 

"He'll be awake in no time." It was the last time Aemond dared to visit Lucerys.

☛

The last time Luke remembers waking up doesnt feel that much later. The nurse gives him something that tastes rancid and slides down his throat like slime.

The taste alone has him up at retching. 

"Oh, Heavens!" She scurries back over with a summoned bucket before he can spill his sick on anything important. Sheets and floor remaing clean. "If he keeps throwing this up he won't get any better," She scolds as he's propped up with pillows.

The long haired Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher stands at the foot of the bed. Head tilted, hardly any expression shown. A slight smirk on the edge of his lips though, somewhat satisfied. Like he knew that would wake the youngling up.

"I gather no one likes the taste, Maester. Its more rotten than a hangover," Nose scrunched in slight disgust at the stench of Luke regurgitating his insides but waves it off. "Your mother will be glad you're awake."

Luke blinks enough to let things come into focus. Everything was a bit off. 

"You dont have your contacts in." Daemon says then adds. "Your vision might be blurred for a bit because you smacked your head off the ground-"

Luke goes to say something but wheezes a bit.

"Your breathing, too." Daemon continues. "Got alot of smoke in your lungs so try dont not to do any strenuous activity that requires too much breathing." He hadnt been an athletic boy, on the Quittich team like his brother, so he should be fine. "The burns are mostly all healed up too." Such explains the soreness in his arms and the gauze bandages wrapped up the right one.

One of the healers hand Luke a pair of glasses, gross old things he didnt like to use if he could help it, and managed them onto his face. The world a bit more clear but still dizzy. 

He wanted nothing more than to be out of this damned bed. The room that smells sterile and infected at the same time. He's handed a handful of chewing pills, to get rid of the nausea and metallic taste in his mouth. Chasing those down with a cup of water a short time later when Rhaenyra busts through the door like theyre made of paper.

"LUCE!" She runs to his aid and he winces. That fucken nickname. Only she had been allowed to do it, even Jace or Joffery didnt dare to. "Oh, you're awake just as Daemon said, even more so." She grabs his face gently to inspect.

His brown eyes enlarged from the spectacles, a bit glazed over from vomiting. Hair even more unruly than unsual from the pillows and his skin pale with nausea. 

"Hi mum," He smiles as she resists the urge to tackle him in a huge. Making the mental decision that she never wants to worry this much again. She'll make them pay for the pain they've caused. But right now she wouldnt focus on that. She'd focus on her baby, awake and alive as ever.

"Hi, my little dragon—" 

Theres a snap then a swish. Someone teleported into the hospital wing.

 A servant of the hightowers walking over. A petite female house elf. Seeing Lucerys is alive before staring timidly. "Madame Alicent requests your presence." She says.

Anger bubbles in Rhaenyra's chest. "He just woke up." She seethes.

Luke feels himself becoming sick again.

"His presence is requested by the Hightowers." The servant requests again. More clear this time. More afraid of her masters than then the trio before her, but not entirely.

 Daemon takes a step foreward. The house-elf cowers so he doesnt approach farther. "Does your master know we're both with him?" 

She shakes her head. "Master said only the boy when requesting. When Boy wakes up, master says." Looking to Luke with her large eyes as if to make sure he was infact awake.

"Well," Daemon smirks and looks to Rhaenyra. Steadying her with a single glance of eye contact. "Lets not keep them waiting." 

[lgwifey]

PARTIES & PYJAMAS

noel gallagher x fem!reader

90s!damon albarn x fem!reader

summary : Y/n's life was nothing short of ordinary. She left her friends and family behind for her dad's job but soon made new ones.

warning : n/a

MASTERLIST

1988

She was nineteen when she left Manchester. It wasn't even like she only moved to Blackpool or something, no her dad just had to get a job in Whitechappel !

Y/n waved goodbye from the brand new Ford's passenger seat, the boxes and bags of luggage taking up both the boot and the back seats. Her friends all waved back, the rotten group of council estate kids she been sibling tight with since as far back as she could remember, the rotten kids she'd been apart of her whole life. There was only one person missing.

"Ready to go ?"

The voice hid the pain. Three months ago you wouldn't think that this would be happening, nothing out of the ordinary would seem to be happening.

"Yeah,"

Her voice was pulled out to be more steady after her start of words,

"Yeah let's get goin' ."

Her bitten hands pulled the grey seatbelt over her torso and clicked it into the red buttoned slot.

He wasn't there when she needed him. The past few years that had been happening way to often.

So she got driven away. She left with her eyes locked on the pair of matching ice blue eyes as his younger brother waved her off.

1992

The room echoed, a thud filling y/n's head. She rushed her way through the clusters of sweaty and drunk adolesence.

If it wasn't for it being Jess' party there would be no way in hell that she'd be here right now. She had been struggling to keep down stomach acid all week and the slightest bit of noise freaked her brain into acting as if someone was playing the drums in her head. Yet here she was, dolled up to the nines in the tightest and shortest dress she owned with a full face of makeup and her hair done. Her shoes where casual blue and white adidas.

Well, casual blue and white, vomit splattered adidas now.

Thats how Jessica found her, bent over next to the front garden gate throwing up onto Hazel's bloomed petunias.

"Oh y/n/n ! My mum's gonna kill me."

When the brunette twenty year old finally pulled her friend out of the flowers she scouldered her, only then did more yellow stomach acid poor itself on the other set of golden flower's Hazel had just finished planting the other week.

"I'm dead !"

By the time everyone had been kicked out of the house by the youngest Albarn it was just passed two am.

She threw herself on her single bed, y/n following after.

"Hey, if you wanna look on the brightside, you can always just blame it on Damon ?"

Jess pushed herself up to balance on her elbows, so she was able to glare at her friend.

"I'm next to positive that he's in London, why d'you think I held it tonight."

Y/n gave a groan, straightening her head to stare up at the popcorn ceiling again.

The entire of downstairs was covered in post-teen chaos residue. The girls had had the genius idea to put one of y/n's little brother's baby gates on the stairs which had somehow kept all the drunk idiots they called friends away.

"When d'your folks get in ?"

"Eight twenty."

Her brain wasn't ready to do maths yet but she was near positive that her body wouldn't be up by then if she felt asleep now.

So, y/n reluctantly pushed herself off of the duvet and back down the stairs, muttering to Jess that she can stay in bed and that she'll sort out the mess.

It took about two more hours to fully tidy the house and y/n was sure that the Albarn's neighbours where going to kill the twenty three year old for turning the hoover on at 4:30 am.

As she was about to lock the front door, the handle slid down and the white plastic cracked open. She felt her body jump out of it's skin but took a breath smothered in relief when a blonde haired twenty four year old peaked through.

He fully emerged when he found the lights to be on.

"What time d'ya call this young man ?"

The y/h/c girl gave a mocking tut after Damon had shut the door and was slipping his coat of.

He mustn't of noticed she was there because his body stumbled backwards and nearly onto the floor upon finding her standing in the open door's frame.

"Oh, right. Just you."

Damon picked himself up, scowling at the grinning woman.

"Don't you have your own house to get to ?"

"Aren't you a fully grown man sneaking into his parent's house at half four ? By the way, your mum and dad aren't back intill eight."

He gave a hum in reply, moving to the livingroom to sit down. His bag was thrown on the couch and he soon followed. It took Damon a minute before he looked around the room in confusion.

"It's tidy."

He gave y/n a bizzare look.

She followed his actions and flopped onto the same couch, falling into his side whilst he threw an arm over her shoulders.

"Pity, s'always fun to see Jess in a panic."

Y/n smacked his chest, a contrast from her other action where she nudged her head into the partition between his shoulder and neck.

"Don't be mean Albarn."

" 'm not being mean."

There was a wave of comfortable silence, the pair relaxing into each other as y/n's smudged eyelinered eyes fluttered shut. The moment ceased when she felt a callus finger drift over her cheek, waking her up a bit.

She was still half asleep and had completely forgotten she needed to change out of her clinging dress.

"You okay ? You're looking a bit peaky."

"Just tired."

Damon gave a laugh, he always loved when she was tired, her accent always came out thick.

One of the things he loved about her, her peculiar accent. Before she moved a few doors down four years ago, he'd never noticed how cute a manchester accent can be. She'd quickly faided it after living in Whitechappel for a year so he barely got to hear it, but when she was tired it always reappeared.

Y/n gave a disgruntled groan when she felt the body beside her move and ended up falling into the arm of the couch.

"Come on, bed."

She refused to move, throwing her legs up onto the rear of the seat and curling up into a ball, drifting off. Before she knew it, she was in Damon's arms and being carried up the stairs, having been dropped onto the floor for a moment as the man wrestled with the baby gate.

1994

They sat together again, y/n crushed against Damon's side as she finished tidying up from another of Jessica Albarn's house parties.

"Coping 's my favourate still."

Their indepth, no out of limit chats at three in the morning. They happened for often than they used to, even though Damon was away more often and y/n was struggling with the life of an ordinary adult in England.

"Really ?"

She gave a hum at his question, turning so she was able to look in his eyes whilst they spoke. Damon dropped his hands so they relaxed around her hips and she opened her mouth to reply.

"It's lyrics are real, they're not a stor-"

The conversation was cut off by the front door opening.

Hazel appeared in the livingroom soon after and immediatly caught sight of the two mid-twenty year olds looking like deers caught in headlights.

Y/n pulled up her pyjama top which was dropping down and Damon slowly retracted his hand from it's resting spot of y/n's hip.

"Oh."

Before she could further her shock, Keith appeared in the doorframe, soon growing an equally as shocked expression.

His son with his daughter's best friend.

His son with the northen girl from down the road. Not that he had anything against y/n being from the North, but he wouldn't be overly-estatic if she were to date Damon.

"Oh."

"Hi."

"Urm, hello darling,"

Hazel tryed to disguise the shock she was dealing with at the moment,

"Where's Jess ?"

"Oh, she's upstairs. She got tired after the third movie."

"Oh, okay."

"Shouldn't you two be sleeping ?"

At Keith's question, Damon gave a scoff. Sometimes they forgot he was twenty six. Plus, he only got to visit home every few weeks, why would he spend the time sleeping.

"Yeah whatever. Come on tweedle dumb."

Damon found himself dragging the half asleep y/n up the stairs, her polka dot pyjama bottoms straping against the carpet as she stumbled behind him.

The next morning, well afternoon, y/n found herself doing a walk of shame down the road to her house. Three doors to pass and a handfull of parenys giving her dirty looks as they walked their children home from school and crossed paths with the pyjama clad twenty five year old who was walking barefoot.

As she clicked open the ocean blue painted front door, she found two pairs of unfamiliar shoes on the white carpet, next to her little brother's baby sized reeboks.

"Dad ! Sarah! I'm home."

Her shouts dragged out in a questioing tone and face was the perfect picture of utter confusion but her question was answered immediatly once she entered the living room.

Upon stepping past the silver line which sat awkwardly on the floor of the doorframe, y/n found two faces sat on the double couch. Two face which she hadn't seen in five or six years.

She let out a scream before running over to them, falling over the brothers as she tryed to hug them both. Y/n let go and Noel shifted over so she could sit between them.

"You didn't tell me they where coming !"

The woman scowled at her dad who was sat in the armchair across the room with a grin plastered on his face.

"If i'd of known, I could've delayed Jess' party last night so you can meet all me mates."

"Nice pyjamas by the way."

Y/n elbowed Liam after his comment causing the younger man to break out into laughter and Noel to grow a smile.

"Well they already-"

Y/n shot a discrete glare to her dad as he began to speak. Everyone knew you didn't bring Oasis and Blur up to the other band's members. You especially don't let on to the Gallagher brothers that the lead singer of Blur lives a few houses down from where they're sat.

"They're already familiar with what you look like in pyjamas, could barely ever get you home when we lived in Burnage."

He turned to look at Sarah after his juttery cover up,

"The boys lived on the same street and I think the sleepovers where endless."

"You cut me off me sleepover extravaganzers when I was fourteen."

Y/n rolled her eyes, complaining.

After about an hour of random conversation, catching up on each others lives since y/n left the estate and on the Burnage gossip, Sarah had to leave to go and do her shift at the local hospital and y/n's dad had to leave to go and visit her step-grandparents. Mikey, y/n's little brother, was sat on Liam's lap whilst the toddler attacked a small tub of playdoh. They had to look after him seeing how he couldn't go to work with his mum and his had a fear of his grandparent's boxer dog, understandable seeing how it bit him when he was one.

The kid had attatched himself to Liam after loosing his awkward shyness aroud the stangers who had suddenly appeared at his house. Y/n had her suspicions of it being because the twenty two year old was wearing a similar top to him.

When the parents left, y/n put a Billy Joel cd on as background music, much to Liam's distates.

"Y'know, down south's drove you soft y/n/n."

She rolled her eyes at him, Noel relaxing and throwing an arm over the girl's shoulder.

"Why, cause I ain't nickin' bikes from corner shops with yeh."

"Y'know what I mean."

"Drop it Liam."

Noel sent a glare over y/n's shoulder from his position relaxed against the couch back.

"Just saying."

Liam threw his hands up in defence, Mikey joining the conversation with a pouting lip.

"Y/n. I'm hungry !"

Her eyes flickered over to a clock which was dustily sat on the fireplace's white mantlepiece.

It made sence, it was three in the afternoon and he hadn't had anything to eat since breakfast seeing how the brothers turned up just before lunch, so she'd been told.

"Y' want beans an' toast ?"

A grin littered the three year old's face as he nodded enthusiastically at the suggestion, jumping off Liam's knee and dragging the man to follow his sister, who was heading in the direction of the kitchen. Noel followed after his brother, feeling awkward staying by himself.

The y/l/n's kitchen and dining room where connected so whilst y/n dashed in and out of kitchen cupboards to get the things needed for Mikey, Liam was dragged to sit at the six-seater table. Noel sauntered in behind his brother and leant against the counter, watching his friend quickly cook up the fine british cuisine for her little brother.

Mikey had started on his interigation question to Liam. He had finally come out of his shell and y/n was cringing at every mouth he spoke, begging the toaster to hurry up so she could find something to shut him up.

"So, how do you know y/n ?"

"Well, we grew up together in Manchester."

"Manchester."

Mikey mimicked Liam's accent before laughing.

"I've been to Manchester before."

"Have you ?"

"Yeah. My daddy took me to go and watch City against Liverpool."

The Gallagher boys gave grins at the mention on their football team, but before either could strike up conversation, Mikey was onto his next question.

"Are you dating my sister ?"

Y/n nearly choked on Mikey's question, which was directed at Noel. Said manucunian had a uncomfortable expression on his face when Liam shifted to look at their reactions.

Y/n pratically threw the plate down infront of the toddler, handing him a set of green plastic cultery.

"Why don't you eat your food before it goes cold."

Mikey gave a nod and started eating the heinz beans in the center of his plate. The silence unfortunatly didn't last long.

"Because you where hugging before, and you had your arm over her."

"We're just friends."

Liam let out a snort, quickly apologising insencerly with laughter taking over him.

Soon y/n had re-distracted her brother with food and playdoh, giving her time to converse with her friends.

"Just friends ?!"

That was the first scoff off of Liam when Mikey had ran out of the room to go and grab one of his colouring books and felt tips.

"Couldn't prize youse two off of each other."

"Aight, well that where when we were kids Liam."

The conversation was immediatly ended when a scream was heard front near the front door.

In a panic, y/n ran towards where it sounded like Mikey was, she heard two sets of feet behind her as she dashed through the doorways.

He heart faltered in it's heavy pounding when she found the blonde vocalist who lived down the road in the doorway of the front door. Mikey was up in his arms, dramatically gesturing about something or the other.

Y/n assumed that the Gallagher brothers hadn't appeared behind her yet seeing how an outrage had occured.

"Dames ? Urm, what are you doing here ?"

The older man gave her a smile before pointing to the pair of bright white reeboks.

"Got them cleaned for you after last night."

She returned the smile, pulling him in for a quick hug and giving him a quick kiss whilst taking Mikey out of his arms and discretely opening the door. Her current task was to get rid of Damon before Liam and Noel saw or heard him, which she was surprised hadn't happen yet.

"Well i'll see yeh later Dames."

Before Damon could reply, the confused twenty six year old was push out onto the other side of the now closed, dark blue door.

Mikey had disappeared back into the livingroom when y/n turned back around. Noel was slouched against the doorframe, she looked to him, giving a soft smile to him.

Before she knew it, y/n was hugging Noel in a fashion which would suggest that they'd never lost contact.

"I'm realy sorry that I miss you leaving. Y'know that right ?"

The woman pulled herself against him more, resting her head on his shoulder whilst her arms where hidden by his black jacket he kept on at all times

Her responce was a hum before he let her go, turning her to face him.

"Look, the whole reason I came, other than feeling band 'cause i'm an arse who left y'. Look, we're goin' to the Brits next month and I know it's short notice, but I also know that you've always wanted t' go. So wanna go with us ?"

[4dtk]

i love your work!!!! could write one (imagine/oneshot) where s/o it's part of a royal family and nct are about to meet her in a event and they feel in love with her person and get amazed..... (not in a medieval scenario, more like a princess diana....)

p.s: if you could also emphasize s/o with a curly dark hair..... <3

nine princes, one successful courting (127)

im sorry SDHFHFH i didn’t see the ‘event’ part and thought you wanted nct as princes too SORRY AAHHA but i tried to follow ur modern request of a royal family!! rather than a period drama kinda thing. i hope you dont mind i did this only for 127 TT (thank u for the kind words <3)

also rip this is so different from what i usually do i hope this is ok yikes

pairing: royal au!127 x princess!reader

word count: 1.6k

“(y/n)! why are you taking so long?” you roll your eyes, although you were to fully take the blame, having spent so much time talking to your handmaidens in the bathroom. whilst tucking in the curls of your dark hair, the handmaidens adjust your dress and your accessories, excited just as you are for the big day. with the last pendant drawn across your neck, you stare longingly at your reflection in the mirror while the servants admire their work.

“thank you, girls,” you were aching to clutch their hands, shaking from nervousness that they both offered you a squeeze. “c’mon, let’s go meet my family.”

being the only child of the royal family was hard. you were meant to learn everything if it meant that you had no siblings, from proper manners to self defence. sure, you could rely on the guards, but you knew your mother rested better at night when you were equipped with those skills. being the only child also meant having to marry someone at the age of twenty, when you were mature enough to make your decisions about a man that you would devote your life to.

with each offer from other countries came, your parents rejected them all, wanting you to choose your suitor for yourself in person where you could decide whether their personality was for you. in a way, it worked both ways. you had the freedom, but that meant sitting through every lunch and dinner to make small talk. you visibly cringe at the aspect. although thrilled earlier at the thought of meeting new people, the exhausting burden or having to get to know the other person was… tiring.

“do you remember the briefing we went over, dear?”

you have an arm hooked onto your mother’s, “yes, mum. the boys who’re coming, they’re from an alliance from different countries and families, aren’t they?”

“and how many of them are there?”

you swallow uncomfortably, “there’s… nine of them, mother.” watching their cars come in was enough to make you run back into the palace, but you try your best to stand your ground. the gold gates shine under the scorching sun as they pile in one by one, with the impatient paparazzi ready to catch a glimpse and snap of any of the princes arriving here on this late morning.

Nakamoto Yuta, heir to the throne of the Nakamoto family in Japan. the one with possibly the longest journey of them all, ridden with jet lag and cultural differences, he was still determined to impress your family.

his slicked red hair catches you off guard, wondering how free he was able to dye his hair while in such a strict setting. as he steps out of the vehicle, it’s just as the lesson yesterday went, save for the colour of his hair. from top to bottom, he was dressed in the finest silks of the Kadoma region and his features are distinct, taking your breath away even from such a far distance. his eyes are alluring, carrying such mystery that looks fierce on his neutral expression. with a gentle smile, he bows, but not before taking your hand into his for a kiss.

Seo Youngho, older brother to Seo Minhyung, who belonged to the royal family of the States, where their Korean mother had married a local there. they hoped the same would happen to you, although one would wonder how the other brother might process if they weren’t chosen.

the younger brother seemed to be fidgety, as if it was one of the first few events that he’s gone through. with a confident stride, the older takes the first step towards your family, not forgetting to thank the chauffeur with a pat to the back. youngho’s eyes are gentle, sleepy, almost as he greets you with a bow, minhyung slowly following the older with a surprised shriek. it makes you giggle, catching minhyung’s eye that makes his cheeks redden just a tiny bit. youngho nudges the other in your palace, taking the chance to shoot you a quick wink that has you tensing up unintentionally. it makes your heart race.

Lee Haechan, an alias to Lee Donghyuck, who was already prince to the Island of Jeju, travelling here far and wide to converse with you, and hopefully court you.

he steps out with a smirk, shaking hands with his butler before beckoning a younger sibling out of the car. your eyes skim over the different demeanour he’s assumed with his baby sister, who’s babbling playfully into his arms. “his two other younger brothers are busy with their own duties.” your mother leans over to whisper to you. in one hand, he juggles the sibling and in the other he places to his heart, bringing a knee down to the floor to greet you. haechan notices your distraught at such a grand greeting, but he only offers a charming smile, going right back to entertaining the young girl.

Kim Jungwoo of the family of the Gyeonggi-do region, and Kim Doyoung, a family friend that was adopted when his older brother, Gongmyung, could no longer take care of him. they took care of each other, right even up to now where, you, the heir to your city stood beautifully in front of them.

despite the latter being adopted, you realise he takes on the role of guiding jungwoo, with a hand on his lower back and whispered encouragement to the actual heir of the Kim family. jungwoo bows while doyoung follows the greeting of haechan, the prince from earlier. the difference in their salutation prompts a laugh out of the both of them that it elicits a chuckle from you as well, seemingly a pardon for their incoordination. “your hair is beautiful, by the way.” you’re not sure from who does the compliment come from, but you duck your head shyly, feeling around your neat hairdo of neat curls as they grin.

Lee Taeyong from the district of the Southern City of Gwanak-gu, who happened to meet up with Moon Taeil from Northern District of Dongdaemun-gu for a peace treaty between the two places. and now, they were to meet with you, called to their duty as the eldest in their family.

“taeyong’s family has an older sister, but they were more comfortable to send their son to bring a wife home.” your ah sounds a bit indifferent, eyeing how they strode up the stairs as if with purpose. their words clash with each other, matching the situation of their cities but soon manage to articulate their names which you answer with a curtsey. moon taeil is a little more resolute and bold with his actions, not bothering to wait for the other who jogs a bit in order to catch up to the elder. just one more. your legs were starting to feel like jelly, the nude tights you wore felt stickier and stickier and the heels you donned hurt like hell. as the last car pulls into the driveway, you heave a sigh of relief.

the ruler of Seoul, Jung Jaehyun, an only child just like you. you’re taken aback by much more the paparazzi is paying attention to this prince, and you can’t help but feel a little bad for the others. Jaehyun is no different, grimacing internally at the amount of flashes that distract him from greeting you.

jaehyun takes a knee in front of you, taking your hand from below to plant a kiss on it before offering up his arm. being the last had its perks, having the opportunity to welcome you into your own palace, your own dining room. with a hesitant goodbye, your parents take the front seat while you hang with jung jaehyun at the back, the last bits of light fading out from the doormen closing the door on the prying cameras and incoming sun rays. small talk…

you’re surprised when the journey to the dining room is quiet, the other’s head held high in fear of saying one wrong thing. you can tell he feels stuffy in that suit of his, all dolled up in a three-piece that you feel even a corset would be better. light pours in yet again as the familiar maroon doors open the space to the grand dining room, where there were thirteen spaces already set-up.

the princess was to sit at the head of the table, with her mother on her left, and her nine suitors on either side of the table. the end of the table is reserved for the king, and just like a normal day in the palace, everyone stands at attention when the four finally enter, bowing just slightly. some exchange looks, other give curious glances to the prince you have beside you.

“uh… can we sit now?”

there’s a whack coming from the older brother of the Seo household to his younger sibling. thankfully, your father doesn’t mind formality all that much, gesturing down to allow them to take their sits as the waiters come out one by one with appetiser that just happens to be your favourite. the never-ending flurry of plates and utensils only makes you disoriented, the intricate filigree design of gold never looking so harsh to your eyes before.

“i thank you for coming all the way here, boys. i speak on behalf on my family that i hope you have a pleasant stay here in the (l/n) palace. now, i wish you a delicious lunch before we get to know everyone. isn’t that right, (y/n)?”

oh god… this was going to be a long ride, isn’t it?

[fcb-mv33]

Honestly I don’t get the hate that Christian actually gets like wtf at least he’s honest about shit, yes he can be problematic but my god so are Toto and Mattia and they don’t get the crap Christian does and Jesus last year Toto was horrendous like some of the stuff he said about max and what happened at sliverstone like wtfff toxic as shit.

Toto is still petty that Redbull snatched Max up before they did 🤷🏼‍♀️😂

As a neutral fan who only just started watching f1 last year but I have a family that are big f1 fans I will call out shit that Is actually stupid and especially being English getting comments for Lewis fans (I live about 1hr away from where he grew up) that live around my area is stupid I’m not a Lewis fan and I won’t be a Lewis fan I only heard of him because of Nicole Scherzinger 😂 and the moaning that my older brother would say about how shit F1 has gotten because of Mercedes dominance, like don’t get me wrong I’m not a fan of George but I honestly prefer him to Lewis. I had a conversation with a bloke on a train about why I’m not a Lewis fan and he called me a bitch that don’t know what she’s talking about 🙃

My mum who’s watched f1 since the early 70s I believe has said at how much Max reminds her of past drivers, my older brother who’s watched it since he was like 5 and now 30 says that max is a great driver, I think I will take advice from them who’s a good driver is then DTS fans or fans who only liked Mercedes because they kept winning thanks 😂😂😂

Mercedes’ and Lewis fans need to grow up and stop believing that people who don’t like Lewis are racist because most are not they don’t like him because of past comments the way he’s come across and the temper tantrums he used to throw when he didn’t win “2016”

“Valtteri it’s James” if Mercedes actually gave Valtteri a chance I very doubt Lewis would be a 7 time champ but instead they put him over for Lewis

Sorry for the rant but people👀 need to start sitting down and shutting up because they are making F1 very similar to international football fandom💀

Oh anon I fully 100% agree. Also fuck that guy for the way he spoke to you just cause you aren’t a Lewis fan. It’s ridiculous lack of respect women who enjoy sports have but then to just say you know nothing cause of who is support is pathetic.

Christian gets a bad rep purely because of how much he defends Max and now Checo. People who dislike Christian dislike him cause of the fact that Pierre and Alex were drop (deservedly) and also because of how he treats Max whihc is also deservedly because Max has worked to be the first team driver and Christian has never been one to hide that in the public.

Then we also have last season when let’s be honest he really had to defend his team and Max….Silverstone was a point where people really got a turn off him even tho toto was the one who said that Max basically deserved a crash like this yet Christian was the bad guy?? Toto last year done a lot worse when it came to the media end compared to Christian and yet Christian is so hated by for what? Defending and loving his driver? Wanting the best team of drivers? He is there to win and some fans cannot seem to understand their drivers simply were not good enough and they blame Christian for that

Also the abuse Max fans get, constantly being called racist is fucking stemming from media blaming everything on Max fans. Are Ferrari fans called sexist or scumbags for what they did last weekend? Absolutely not F1 didn’t even bother to make a statement. Merc and lh fans need to drop the ‘im so great’ attitude soon cause they really are a joke.