#my mom's dog got hit by a car yesterday and she refused to take him to the vet

[ineed-to-sleep]

It honestly baffles me that some people are so casually dismissive of animals' feelings. Istg some ppl only see pets like toys and are barely able to hide it

[selfpositiveundertale]

Long post.

TW: car accident

Hey everyone. I'm not doing great.

I've already been having a hard time with migraines getting absolutely out of hand and interfering with literally everything in my life, but yesterday I had my first car accident. The meme I just posted is relevant. It was my fault but thankfully only me in the vehicle. Other than bruised knees(I'm short so I had the seat pulled up close so I could reach the pedals) and some mild rug burns where the air bag got me on my left hand and my neck (I had instinctively raised my arms to protect my face), I don't think I was injured in any way my chiropractor couldn't fix. Definitely jarred my entire skeleton and dislocated some ribs and messed up my neck but what else is new. I didn't hit my head and nothing hurts in any way I'm not already deeply familiar with. Surprisingly I haven't gotten a migraine yet but I'm fully expecting one soon.

Really good thing I wasn't wearing my sunglasses. I lost the pendent off my necklace though. It must have broken off when the air bag blew and then fallen into the road when I got out of the vehicle.

My vehicle is totaled. Not a great loss since the thing was on its last legs anyway but it sucks not having my own transportation now, even if I could only drive in town and couldn't leave town because it wouldn't make it far on the interstate. It would start shaking like a leaf any time I went over 50 mph and I didn't like that. I'm really sore and tired and shaken up but I'm getting through it.

My husband came immediately when I called him and he talked to the car insurance company and called his boss to take the rest of the day off work so he could be with me.

The people in the other car were mostly okay other than the man having a cut on his forehead and his wife having a scraped knee but both of their babies were completely unharmed, thank goodness. Nobody was mad at me, possibly because I was hysterical panicking inconsolable and kept apologizing and asking if they were okay. They were also on their way to the car dealership to see about getting a new vehicle anyway, so I think they'll be fine.

I made an appointment with my chiropractor this morning and he checked everything and basically said I was in pretty bad shape but not really any worse than usual, which was a great relief but not surprising. He fixed the ribs, my shoulder blades, neck, and hands and gave me some samples of a supplement he said might help the soreness. I'm also taking my painkillers, OTC pain medicine, and applying arnica cream to the bruises.

I've been so tired and sore and haven't been up to doing much of anything except eating my feelings but I'm making sure my pets get fed and helping my husband get ready for work in the morning. I don't think I'll be able to meal prep anything for him like I normally do and he says it's okay, he's not expecting anything of me if I don't feel up to it and he doesn't mind buying his breakfast and lunch.

I fear the financial repercussions of this, especially since things have already been very tight due to several sudden veterinary expenses. The cat gods looked at us and went "kittens upon you and your household" so in the last 4 weeks there have been 2 vet visits for a tiny baby runt of a kitten my husband found alone and abandoned at his workplace, one for a very pregnant stray kitty that followed a family member home and popped out 7 babies, and one for my dog when she caught a UTI. We think she's over it by now but I'm taking her back to the vet Friday for a recheck. It's been hard with her because she's been refusing to eat her dry food and we've been having to buy wet food as well as chicken breast and white rice and alternating between the wet food and a bland diet when the antibiotics made her tummy upset. I'm really hoping that by Friday I'll be brave enough to drive. The vet isn't far and my mom is going to let me take her old car for whatever I need until we manage to get me another used vehicle.

I know the car insurance is going to go up because of the crash even though now there's one less vehicle on it, and I'm praying to the heavens that I don't have to actually go to a doctor and get checked out because of the crash.

I need to see a doctor anyway about the migraines that are now coming several times a week and affecting me in unsettling ways like impairing my speech, making me nauseous when I use my eyeballs for their intended purpose, and even made me collapse once. But the clinic I usually go to because the price is income based is in the next town and I'd definitely have to have my husband take time off work to take me. I also fear they'll refer me to a neurologist. I'm certain I need to see one but since I don't have health insurance and the process for getting financial assistance at any given specialist office is (probably deliberately) incredibly difficult and tedious and almost not even worth the effort, it just doesn't seem feasible at this time.

I am trying to make things to stock my Etsy shop so I can make some money but at the moment I just don't have the energy for it. But maybe I should try anyway. The simple repetitive action of crocheting while listening to a book or Old Gods Of Appalachia might help me settle down and feel more normal. My hands ache but my compression gloves might help.

Things are just extremely scary and very painful right now. Staying determined is hard but I'm trying. I'm trying so hard.

❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜

[fuwaprince]

hey. are you okay friend?

No, I'm not and c'est la vie! Sometimes you're okay and sometimes you're not. Thanks for checking in sweet friend 🫂 I hope you're having a beautiful day! 💕

Yesterday I helped Mr. Leonard deep clean his home that we're still trying to save and this morning I unfortunately headed back to the hag house I reside in! He was so nice. Sent me home with half his cookies and told me to share with the people who were kind enough to give me a ride. I didn't even mean to stay over last night but I was just so tired after cleaning... I slept for a whole 10 hours! Kind of a miracle for me. I must've been comfortable

Soon as I got back to the hag house and started to microwave my usual (a single jumbo corn dog), I was rudely interrupted and told by the biggest bitch here that I am no longer a part of the household even though I am living here for the next 30 days still???? They can deny the reality (that I have been part of this house since the day I moved in) and believe in whatever delusion they so badly want to- fine!!! But the sucky part is that they say I can no longer help myself to the food my fucking rent covers because of that decision... Wackadoodle :/ Funny how the carpet slides around. They're literally fattened up by greed. They're willing to starve me down to nothing if it means I'll die faster than I can move out. Whatever it takes to drive me away I guess since the other terror tactics just didn't work! She was giving me attitude and rude comments. Other housemate blasted trans hate (happy pride btw). Got defensive af over their food in their kitchen :/ whatever

Good news is that I reapplied for food stamps after a friend motivated me to. I'm fucking praying that this time my fucked up mother doesn't sabotage it by denying me my fucking mail again like she did last time which resulted in me starving/withering all summer of last year! I should've had it this whole time... Hopefully it gets processed soon. Phone interview will take place once the weekend is over... I hope there's a way to expedite it.

If I had my own PO box then I wouldn't have to depend on my mom actually giving me my mail... I don't have a key and don't live there with her anymore but this mailing address won't work. The people here tamper with my belongings out of hate. Why? Who knows. I try not to think about the whole "what if I was a pure white lesbian instead of a brown trans traitor? Would they respect me then?" rabbit hole. I don't care. Even if I was respectable to them, I wouldn't be their friend based on how they'd treat others. Anyways, yeah. Coming back home sucks. People are mean. My heart rly hurts and keeps acting up. Stings and feels like I'm going to pass out from time to time. It's hurting more than usual and bothering me as I type this

My on and off boyfriend also texted me saying he got hit by a car a few hours ago (he's okay, apparently.... Although I question since he refused to go to a hospital). Stresses my poor heart out to hear that tbh. But yeah. Maybe I'll go on a night walk or something. I hate this house that I'm in. If Mr. Leonard lived any closer I would just walk back there and beg him to let me in. I would feel better if I was out of here and around compassionate people. I'm gonna be okay

[rvllybllply2014]

I have to get this off my chest and to keep a record before I feel like I go insane.

Manchild started another fight tonight. It all started after I picked him up from his job. He always gets like 6 shots of whiskey or whatever and a beer that is 24 ounces (aka two beers in one or a tall boy). We get home and he knows that once I’m home I don’t want to get back out and his puppy needs to be fed it’s his puppy’s dinner time. Anyway his sister calls him because she doesn’t have a car and she wants to smoke, no cigarettes. Now I was raised to never ever interrupt a person who is talking on the phone, so I stay quiet, and he says let me ask if I’ll (me) being willing to take him to get her shells. He didn’t ask me before telling her to send him the money for it, only after he said that did he ask me if I was okay with it, knowing damn well he already agreed so if I were to say no it would make me the bad guy. So once in the car I ask him to not do what he just did, especially when he knows once I’m home I’m home. I also had to point out that my back hurts along with my hips and stomach because my period is close but he didn’t ask about how I was feeling. So then he paints it as I would’ve had to take him to the store so he could get another beer, when he has at 4 beers in my car and more around the house that hasn’t opened yet. Instead of him listening like an adult he tells me to stop lecturing him I’m not his mom, I pointed out that I was reminding him of shit but then he called me selfish and rude. But I told him it’s rude to make plans without consulting me and then just expecting me to go along with it. We get back to the house and he smacked my ass hard, and then kept trying to dig into my ass and hit my foot because he was ready to eat his leftovers from last night and wanted me to heat it up. But then changed his mind and said that I would spit in it (I would never do that nasty shit). He heats up the food and then starts bitching about how it would’ve been too much for his lunch (it was originally his lunch) but he’s just talking to the air. Once he’s finished he lets his puppy into the bed and gets jealous that the puppy is more interested in cuddling with me. He starts to try and take care credit for how his dog turned out. Since September I’ve been with this puppy 24/7, I trained him to slow down on his food, taught him to lay down, and ignore the other dogs food. I always feed the puppy and also make sure he has clean water and the tray spots are cleaned. I’ve cleaned up the puppy’s vomit by myself, got a toy unstuck from his mouth and always watch him when he’s outside of his cage. But yeah manchild totally raised this puppy. More arguments happen and he gets mad at me when I tell him that my charger is on my side of the bed, and how he needed to get a charger from Walmart yesterday. He starts saying he doesn’t have charger money (like $10 for a charger that he needs unlike the two beers he would have to give up). More arguing happens and I tell him he needs help for his anger and alcoholism and his constant lying. He gets mad at me when I point out that he said he paid $500 for his “pure blood” (actually mixed puppy) and he laughed said that wasn’t true but won’t tell me how much he actually paid for it. He also lied about his mom owning her part of her townhouse, she might be moving soon at this point idk. But anyway he slipped up and said that maybe the landlord came by the house when she caught some random person on her security camera. Called him out on that lie and then he started lying about me saying that I’ve slept around before him, side note he was unfortunately my first. He’s honestly trying to gaslight me and it’s ridiculous.

He’s basically pissed that I refuse to be a door mat just because I’m 4 years younger than him. Says it my fault that I’ve stayed in this abusive shit show of a relationship. When he cut off my financial independence by calling me constantly and saying that I don’t work when I was at work. He also wanted me to call out almost all the time so my checks would be tiny and I worked two other jobs to help support us because he had been fired from his job and didn’t save any of his money. I knew it would’ve been better to stick to my job and let him go drive a truck across the country. Oh yeah most of my last paycheck went to buying my dogs anti seizure meds and paying for his vet bill. I literally only had $50 left to my name after those unexpected expenses,he refused to help even though he had a job at that point. Like yeah I was young and dumb, also grieving the loss of a parent and grieving the loss of another parent who was still alive but falling into a new relationship so fast after the other parents death. Like I just wanted someone to love me damn it and I picked the wrong person and it’s just so hard to get out of this abusive relationship. Like I loved manchild, but now I love myself more and idk how to get out of it. Plus I totally love his puppy and don’t want to lose the puppy. Anyway don’t be stupid like me get out at the first red flag and don’t look back.

[endlich-allein]

Interview with Till about his life: he fought with his father, killed his beloved dog, swam on a wild river and worked on suffering. How Till Lindemann's mind works

"I will finish you off" and why you fought for the German army.

Werner Lindemann wanders around the room, interrupting the silence with strange questions, writing something down. His motive is to get to know his son and make him a friend. But it's complicated. Generational conflict.

"My island of tranquility is shaken every day. The day before yesterday, a guy pulled on my socks because his were torn. Yesterday he didn't put out a single lamp in the house. Now, with voluptuous delight, he spits cherry pits into the cat's fur. Is this grown boy really an adult?"

The apprenticeship in Rostock, where you have to do window production after graduation, is the limit of boredom. Till Lindemann moved to his father in the countryside so that he could forget about the hustle and bustle of the city and not fall under the article for anti-social attitudes. He thought of a new life, in which there was no pointless work, and arranged an attic in his father's house.

In the mornings over coffee, he scolded life that everything went according to schedule. And listened very loudly to music - electronics and metal. My father didn't understand and grumbled: “I matured late. Naturally, I wanted to listen to the music I liked, but I could not get my hands on these records. For example, my father did not understand when I bought the Alice Cooper record for a month's salary.

Werner Lindemann was a children's writer who went through the war.

At the height of his career he disappeared for weeks on literary tours - his fame spread to teachers and librarians across the country. His father pecked at Lindemann for refusing to work and promised to turn him in:

"My willful child. What doesn't fit his standards is rejected as nonsense or crap." So he took a job as a carpenter, where he made shovel cuttings and cart wheels. The head foreman constantly drank vodka during the day, didn't want to be annoyed with questions and addressed the long-haired Lindemann with the nickname: "Mozart!" This suited him.

Werner Lindemann talked about war, hard existence and limitations. For example, about a grenade splinter that remained in his body. Lindemann did not believe in all these stories - but categorically did not accept service, war and murder:

“After that I objected: “I would hide, I would not go to war. Why did you even let yourself be dragged into this? You could have hidden."

And he said: “It didn't work out. They searched for it and it took away."

Then I said: “I would rather go under arrest. Never in my life, I would go to the front line to shoot people. It's against my nature. It would be better if I went to jail."

Much of the time father and son were simply silent, even while watching television.

"He regularly made me feel guilty, to say the least, he placed himself on a pedestal towards me: I shouldn't complain. At your age, I ran barefoot through the stubble, and in my stomach - a potato in a uniform."

The only acceptance is Mike Oldfield's music: "One day my father came to grumble again. At that moment I was listening to Mike Oldfield, and he sat down and said: "That sounds interesting."

For me it was like a quantum leap: my father sits in my room, listens to my music and thinks it was good. Probably because of melancholy. He was sitting in a rocking chair that I made myself - at the time I was working as a carpenter on a farm. I, too, always sat in an armchair, immersed myself in music and smoked hand-rolled cigarettes."

The conflict was intensified by a fight. Lindemann bought a Trabant car, installed speakers in it and tested the sound - loud as usual. “Then my father came and I had to turn off this fucking music. It was kind of loud for him. He was then fiddling around his cases of flowers, and then suddenly the situation escalated. I think he slapped me while I was still in the car.

He leaned toward me and hit me with the back of his hand. I made some bullshit remarks like, "Leave me alone," something like that. That was a provocation to him, and he said: "If you do that again, I'll hit you for real." And I said, "Then you'll get it back. Because you're crazy. Don't you dare to hit me anymore."

And then he hit me with his palm again. He wasn't controlling himself.

He was exalting himself. Instantly he introduced himself as a boxer - he had boxed in the Hitler Youth - and I just... I thought I didn't hit him, I just pushed him away. And then he stood in front of me again, "Come on, I'll finish you, you haven't got a chance!" Somehow. After that, he went up to the attic and threw all my stuff out the window.

It happened over the weekend, my sister was there, a lot of screaming, serious drama. Then I packed my things, put them in the car, went to a friend's house and never went into his house again. At first I lived with this friend, and a week later I bought myself a house in the village."

His father's book is about his son, which the son will only open up after the death of the father.

Lindemann is a late child. He was born when his father was 36. The gap in their relationship was felt in everyday life and perception of the world. Werner Lindemann woke up early in the morning, worked with the circular saw under the windows and did not understand when his son slept until noon after a working week.

Lindemann's parents then lived separately, but kept in touch. Mom worked as a journalist and discussed her texts with his father. "She still lived in Rostock and always came to see him only on weekends. Mostly on Sundays she came back quite early, because she couldn't stand the stress of being with him, either."

In 1988, the book “Mike Oldfield im Schaukelstuhl Notizen eines Vaters" In this book, Lindemann Senior describes the relationship with his son (whom he calls Timm in the book), who settled with him at the age of 18. The book was written in the 80s and laid on the table until the German Democratic Republic and the Federal Republic of Germany were reunited.

Werner Lindemann wanted his son to take up writing too. But this only amused him, although as a child he wrote poetry. At the age of 13, little Till Lindemann and his father were returning home along the bumpy road to Mecklenburg. They talked about career self-determination:

"You should already have thoughts about what you want to become, boy." My answer: "I don't know yet, maybe a fisherman on the high seas."

But immediately, no matter what I said, objections arose: “But then you have to get a certificate of maturity. But then you will be away all the time. But then you won't be able to start a relationship."

There was always a “but”.

At some point it got on my nerves, as usual. And I said: "Worst case scenario, I'll just become a writer.

I still remember how alienated his face became. "And what do you think then, what do I do! It's a very hard job! In fact, it's not even a job, it's a passion. And it's a job that's supposed to be enjoyable."

I said, "I don't know anybody who works with pleasure."

"Yeah, that's the problem. You have to look for a job that gives you pleasure." Then I say again, "But some people never get to choose..." This gigantic discussion happened because I didn't take his profession seriously. At the same time, he was completely lost, funny!"

Lindemann thoughtfully read his father's book, in which he comprehends their relationship, after his death. Faked for hidden anger and indecision. For example, in a situation where their dog Kurt was bitten by a fox. The father was frightened because of rabies: “At the same time, we did not even know whether he was bitten by a fox or not. The father immediately called the huntsman. But I said: no one will enter this courtyard and shoot the dog. I'll do it myself if I really need it. At some point I really had to kill the dog."

Lindemann is not a monster. The animals he fiddled with are an important attribute of childhood. He had an aquarium and hamsters, brought mice and rats home, and was friends with dogs. “Like many children of new buildings, he felt the need for someone alive, in need of love,” said Werner Lindemann. Sometimes the appearance of an animal in the house was surprising:

“This guy will never say what he's up to. He appears on the doorstep at the same time as me. He gets out from his vehicle, throws his coat open and puts a young black shepherd in my hands. "Your Christmas present!"

Till's father is speechless. My son stands before me like the sun's little brother. Touchingly concerned, he directs me into the house, working out a plan for the animal husbandry, accommodation and diet of our new pet housemate.

With confusion, a question flies from my lips, "Wheredid you get the dog from?" "Timm" is gibbering, "Imagine, the mason in the barnyard wanted to hang him, simply wanted to strangle him with a rope, said he was a worthless eater..."

Werner Lindemann died of stomach cancer in 1993, when his son was 30. They didn't finally reconcile, but Till visited him in his last days and was there for him with his mother: "They couldn't be without each other, even though they lived apart. Unreal, but my mother never had another man afterwards. To this day she can't let go of him."

- Not going to the Olympics in Moscow and ending up in the German ghetto

Lindemann had the knowledge and the potential to be a swimmer. And a shyness that pounded harder three days before the competition than concerts in front of crowds of thousands. "I know how difficult it is to develop willpower and stamina and instill those attributes. In the GDR this was instilled in us by coaches and so-called functionaries."

Lindemann came to swimming at the age of eight and devoted his entire youth to the sport. He would get up for training at five in the morning and pass out in the evening. His grandmother watched him from the stands. At a competition in Leipzig she shouted at the coach, who told Lindemann off for a poor result. The grandmother took the coach by the ear and said: "How do you talk to my grandson?"

Sports tightened up his upbringing and developed self-discipline. “Drilling - probably the boy has already received this experience as a swimmer,” Lindemann's father wrote. - Once he had to take second place in a competition, but by no means first place. Of course, he got carried away, forgot about it, became the first, thanks to which he received a shouting for indiscipline. And whenever he lost in the future, his coach would torture him at practice for a long time and yelled at him: "Even if you win, you're not a winner yet!"

Lindemann swam the 1.5 km freestyle and could have gone to the 1980 Olympics in Moscow. Everything was ruined when he left the hotel without permission during a competition in Florence: "I didn't want to run, but just wanted to look at the city. Cars, bikes, girls. I was caught and kicked out of the team, but then I didn't give the required results either."

Lindemann competed at the European Junior Championships, but did not go any higher. After the story in Florence, his career in sport slipped away. Perhaps an abdominal injury influenced his departure. Lindemann is gone, but he doesn't yearn: "I was relatively young. There were no good [memories] left. I was glad it was over."

"The hardest part was getting back to normal. I fell into a real hole. My home was no longer a sports school, but a ghetto in Rostock. Now I stood out through drinking and fighting. I used to be surrounded only by beautiful ladies who were interested in swimming. Now I had fierce women standing in front of me asking, "How come you don't drink?" When I was shy about approaching a girl, it was interpreted as: "Are you gay?"

Lindemann now works with a coach and swims a few kilometers before his tours to get in shape: "When I exercise, I feel a certain lightness - not only physically, but also mentally. I just feel better. The main problem is staying in shape. That's where self-discipline comes into play. Teeth grinding is important."

- Three weeks in the wild and loneliness as a creative tool

Emotionally, concerts = sports:

"How do I go on tour? Hungry. And happy. It is good to compare concerts with sport. You don't want to do both at first. You don't want to go on stage. You don't want to go to the pool. You don't want to go to the boxing ring. It all happens with reluctance. It has to be accepted somehow, that's life: spring, summer, fall, winter.

When it's done, winter's gone, the blooming begins, greenery appears, it gets bright, and you start to get a taste for it. When it's over, you feel happy. Then the body produces a sea of chemistry, a lot of happiness hormones. I think the body rewards itself."

The stage, like sports, is an embarrassment, but a necessity. Lindemann wore dark glasses in order to collect fewer views from the audience. Therefore, a couple of steps before the water, he looked at the pool with a shiver. You need to cope with yourself in order to open up to new emotions.

Lindemann's gut requires solitude and moderate solitude. This is the point:

“Loneliness is always good for a creative push - you drink a glass of wine and you feel even shitier. Art is not complete without suffering; art exists to compensate for suffering."

With his friend Joey Kelly, Lindemann spent three weeks on the Yukon River. They paddled through the wilderness in a kayak for eight to 10 hours each and lived in a tent. Lindemann didn't take a tape recorder with him, so he transferred the lyrics wandering in his head on paper.

They were catching inspiration and atmosphere:

"There were times when we wouldn't say a word for hours, but then: look there, look there! It was breathtakingly beautiful. These relatively fast-changing panoramas and skies, layers of clouds, the colors.

Except for a few bears and wolves, it's hard to see anyone else out there, it's exhilarating. Along the way we saw two hunters setting traps. No one else.

I grew up in the countryside, and I have a very strong connection to nature. I love fishing, hunting. It's an archaic experience that I like to revisit over and over again. When I'm in the city for too long, I start to miss it."

To recreate situations in the Yukon, Lindemann and Kelly trained for nine months on the Rhine river in Germany because of its liveliness.

"We went down the Rhine to where the transport ships create huge bow waves. If we hadn't had a coach with us, we probably would have been sunk by the side wave impact already during our first attempt," Lindemann said.

Together with Kelly, he had four sessions with two coaches and swam from Cologne to Koblenz [more than 100 kilometers by car]. Lindemann trained separately each week on the lakes in Mecklenburg. It's both physically challenging and savage identical to being natural.

In 2015, Till started his solo project Lindemann. On the album Skills In Pills, the song Yukon was released, in which the lyrics appeared first, and then the music.

- "My lyrics come from pain rather than desire."

The country boy is big and not much of a talker. That's how the Rammstein members saw him at the start, when they were hanging out at home. "He looked cool, like a big peasant talking one sentence an hour," keyboard player Christian "Flake" Lorenz recalled. - He always had food and vodka. He'd just steal a couple of ducks somewhere and cook them on a tray. And then, frozen like in Sleeping Beauty, there were people lying in corners and on trunks in his house."

Lindemann loves and appreciates home gatherings. This came from my father, who always had guests. “In my opinion, this is the little bit that I inherited from him. Throwing parties and gathering people. Throwing parties and getting people together. He just enjoyed being a good host. The house was always full of guests from Leipzig, from Rostock, foreign guests, even from Kazakhstan.

It was always exciting for him. He stood at the stove, cooked, bought an abundance of wine, and there was always a fire in the garden. At some point he stopped drinking, then he left the party at 21:00 and the whole company continued to feast. And in the morning he got up at four, cleaned and tidied up."

Till Lindemann is about self-digging, overcoming and childish shyness, which is covered by a pumped-up figure of a swimmer. This is how Lindemann decrypts himself:

• “And I really am like a big child - ill-mannered, but harmless. People think that I am always strong, explosive. This is not true. I am sensitive and easily hurt, but in love I am romantic and passionate."

• “At the very beginning, you sit somewhere in a dark room, open a bottle of wine and figure out how to make the lyrics popular with the music. At first you only have a vague idea of ​​what it could be.

And when, three years after recording, mixing, and more mixing, developing the artwork, all this nonsense, then you stand on stage, and what you came up with then really works, when you manage to get 20 thousand people to raise their hands, then you experience incredible sensations."

• “Art is a kind of therapy.

When I feel that something is arising inside me, domineering and is most often dark, I need to give it a way out, otherwise it will simply crush me. So destruction and self-destruction are the two pillars on which my creativity is based.

But everyone chooses this for himself.

• “My lyrics arise from feelings and dreams, but still more from pain than by desire. I often have nightmares, and I wake up at night sweating, as I see terrible bloody scenes in my dreams. My lyrics are a kind of valve for the lava of feelings in my soul.

We are all struggling to hide behind good manners and outward decency, but in fact we are governed by instincts and feelings: hunger, thirst, horror, hatred, the desire for power and sex. Of course, there is also additional energy in us - this is love. Without it, all human feelings would fade away."

- "When you're constantly living someone else's life, it's very hard to get back into your own skin. I like that in principle, but sometimes you start to get confused - are you out of a role or not yet. You're already Till, or you're still a homicidal maniac."

- "I hate the noise. I hate the chatter. I expose myself to it, which is pure masochism. And then I have to protect myself from it. Noise makes you crazy. You die in it."

• “I think there is no God. And if he is and actually allows all the misfortunes on this earth, then he must punish me along with other sufferings. I will not pray to such a god."

This is how the members of Rammstein see Till - flexible and with a split personality:

Guitarist Paul Landers: "Till is so good that when you let him know that his lyrics should go in a different direction, the very next day he brings a new version of the song."

Guitarist Richard Kruspe: “He's a hell of an extreme man. He dives very deeply into situations where I cannot follow him. Everything he does is very extreme; I don't know anyone who does it. "

Drummer Christoph Schneider: "I would not want to be in Till's shoes: his soul is tormented by doubts and contradictions, he is equally a moralist and a monster."

June 1, 2021 - Translate by Lindemann Belgium

[hellfire-munson]

Looking Up Luke x Reader Pt 1

Pairings: Luke x Reader (Briefly at the end), Julie x BestFriend! Reader

 Warnings: Fluff, Brief mention of sad memories.

Word count: 2211

This is My first post so bare with me. I’ll get better at the edits and stuff as I learn my way around Tumblr. I also took inspiration from Paramore and the reader was strongly based on Hayley Williams in my mind but you can make her in your image. I don't own Paramore or their music. The song I took inspiration from is Looking Up.

     “Jules, you and Flynn are coming tonight, right?” You ask while you and your best friend throw you school books in your locker after your last period. Julie looks over and smiles at you.

     “Of course! The boys were wanting to tag along especially after I told them how you were in a band of your own. They wanted to know why you denied their offer after Luke heard you shred the guitar solo during that one rehearsal.” She says.

      “If he thought I was shredding that guitar, just wait till they see what I really got going on. Right now all they know and all anyone knows and thinks is I play guitar for the band. Also Luke wanted me to join so he could see me everyday.” You smile.

      “Wait, Jackie walked?!” She screamed excitedly.

      “Yeah, after her and I got into this huge argument about the upcoming shows and letting me actually sing vocals for MY songs she walked away, and someone had to take her place. I wrote this new song we are going to play tonight, you’re going to love it.” You smile at her.

      “Y/N this is amazing! Our mom’s would be so proud of us.” She smiles longingly.

     “Maybe we could collaborate one day, I know you’re a bit more popish than what Paramore is but we could make something work!” You smile at her. She jumps up and down loving the idea of the whole thing.

    “Yes! That would be amazing! Let's head home, we have to get ready for tonight. Oh how will we get in? I thought the venue sold out in minutes?” She asks turning to look at you as you two walk through the doors to your car. You pulled 5 vip lanyards out of your bag and handed them to her.

    “I got you covered girl, don’t worry.” You smile unlocking the door. The drive back to your house was filled with you blasting all your bands old songs and singing along. You were lucky enough to live in the same neighborhood as Julie and the boys so you often carpooled to school but the boys had things to do after school before the show so they went their separate ways. Julie was trying to help you choose your clothes for tonight but with you two being so entirely polar opposite it was hard. If anyone was to help you it should have been Luke since you two share almost the same fashion sense with a hint of Reggie mixed in. You eventually settled for an old cut up Sunset Curve shirt you “borrowed” from Luke with a lace bra underneath and you paired that with your highwaisted, ripped black skinny jeans and your studded Doc Martens. What you decided to do with your hair and makeup will come to you once you hit the venue. You gathered your things to pack into the car while Julie made some final accessory details to your look. She handed you your chain to attach to your jeans along with an assortment of rings and bracelets. Everything was looking perfect for your first big performance as the lead singer.

    “Okay, I gotta head to the venue for soundcheck. You, Flynn and the boys should be there around 6, the show starts at 7:00.” You smile, dropping her off at her house. You see the boys sitting in the garage waving at you. You smile and wave back before backing out of Molina's driveway and head towards The Orpheum.

           Soundcheck went perfectly and it left a little time to grab a light snack before you had to get ready. You knew not to go to the street dogs stand after the incident with the boys that ended their lives 25 years ago before they met Julie and you and somehow were brought back by the two of you. Your drummer’s  girlfriend decided to have catering come out with healthy choices which you were enjoying as we speak. Heading back to your dressing room the security guard stopped you saying there was a group of people here to see the band.

    “Oh that’s my friends from school, you can let them on back. Thanks Alan!” You smile popping a strawberry in your mouth.

     “You didn’t tell me you were playing the Orpheum!” You hear Flynn yell causing you to turn around with a piece of cantaloupe hanging out of your mouth.

     “Well you didn’t ask.” You say chewing the part that was in your mouth.

“Okay smartass. Also when did you change your hair color?” She asks pointing to your now orange hair. You smile slyly at her.

      “I did last night, but I wore it up in a hat today so people didn’t see it until now.” You say getting up to hug your friends. The boys are just standing at the door staring at you.

    “I don’t bite, you can come in.” You joke ushering them in.

“You’re playing the Orpheum tonight Y/N how does it feel to make it big?” Alex asks.

     “I’m not sure yet, maybe I’ll know after the show. Which speaking of that when you guys head down to the floor just find Alan and he’ll take you to the spot that’s reserved for you guys.” You smile at them.

    “Your hair is so bright.” Is all Reggie can say making everyone burst out laughing.

    “I can’t wait to see you shred the stage tonight. That day at rehearsal when you and Julie were goofing off… Holy shit, that was sick!” Luke says jumping up and down.

     “It runs in the family to be honest. Our moms were in a band when they were our age and my dad is a world known rockstar so I learned at a young age.” You smile winking at Julie.

     “Well we should start heading down so you can get ready. We are going to dinner after this to celebrate just so you know.” Julie says smiling at you. Once they left you started getting ready to meet up with your band to do your before show ritual handshake.

    “All right guys, this is the Orpheum. The place is packed with execs. This will be our big break. Let’s rock it!” Andrew says putting his hand in the middle as the rest of you follow. The opening band finishes their set signaling your time to go. The band runs out causing the crowd to erupt in screams of your name. You stay back to surprise everyone as they begin playing your new song.

    “Los Angeles! Are you ready!” You scream from backstage as the beat picks up.

Things are looking up, oh finally!

I thought I'd never see the day

When you smile at me.

We always pull through, oh when we try,

I'm always wrong but you're never right.

Oh you're never right!

       You run out causing everyone to scream as you work the stage to the music. Luke, Flynn and the boys look up in awe hearing your voice for the first time. The way you rocked out was breathtaking to Luke.

Honestly, can you believe

We crossed the world while it's asleep?

I'd never trade it in, 'cause I've always wanted this!

And it's not a dream anymore!

No. It's not a dream anymore!

It's worth fighting for.

     You interacted with the audience as you sang the lyrics. You shot a wink over at Luke when you noticed his jaw nearly dropped to the floor. Julie looked over at him and knew right then and there he has fallen in love with you even more than he already was. She smiled at her bandmate. She saw the smile break across his face as he began banging his head to the beat.

Could have given up so easily

I was a few cheap shots away from the end of me

Taken for granted, almost everything that I would have died for

Just yesterday,

Just yesterday

Honestly, can you believe

We crossed the world while it's asleep?

I'd never trade it in, 'cause I've always wanted this!

It's not a dream anymore!

Oh. It's not a dream anymore!

It's worth fighting for.

     You interacted with your bandmates as they played their instruments, dancing around the stage as you had the time of your life. Jumping and head banging with your guitarist.

God knows the world doesn't need another band, (whoa, whoa!)

But what a waste it would've been! (whoa, whoa!)

I can't believe we almost hung it up (whoa, whoa!)

We're just getting started (whoa, whoa!)

Honestly, can you believe

We crossed the world while it's asleep?

I'd never trade it in, 'cause I've always wanted this!

It's not a dream anymore!

Oh. It's not a dream anymore!

It's worth fighting for.

        You stood there smiling, taking a breath letting the crowd think you were done before you jumped off the drum stage singing the final line of the song.

I can't believe we almost hung it up!(whoa whoa)

We're just getting started! (whoa whoa)

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

       You dropped to your knees as you held the final verse as the lights went out sending the crowd into a fit of cheers and screams. You smile to yourself as you hold the microphone in your lap. The lights come back on letting you see the crowd still cheering you on. The surreal feeling you had was causing your heart to sing and you were pretty sure you saw a sign off in the distance of the audience that let you know your mother was proud of you. Composing yourself, you finished the night with 6 more songs.

    “Thank you guys for coming out to support a small band from this sleepless city. We are Paramore! Good night!” You said before running off backstage. You are met with your friends and a very starstruck Luke.

    “Oh my god! That was amazing! I mean we knew you could sing but that was epic! Why haven’t you fronted before?” Flynn asks.

    “Jackie wouldn’t let me. The band was my idea back when I was slowly getting back into music but I was still wanting to stay back and play. I wrote all the songs and let her sing them. When I finally said I was ready for a shot she threw a fit and when the rest of the band sided with me she walked.” You say taking a swig of water.

    “So this is why you refused to join us?” Alex asks.

    “That and your style isn’t my style of music. It’s to pop centric but I told Julie there might be a chance of collaboration in the future.” You smile seeing Reggie get excited about the idea.

    “And then we can do a country album!” He yells causing your bandmates to start laughing at your reactions. During your laughter you didn’t see a man dressed very businessy walk in.

    “Y/N…” Julie says tapping your shoulder pointing to the doorway.

    “Oh, hi!” You say walking over with your band to meet the man.

   “I’m Eric from Capitol records. Are you Y/N?” He asks.

   “Um, y-yeah I am.” You say reaching out to shake his hand. Your friends are eavesdropping behind you while pretending to hold a conversation of their own.

    “I’ve seen many bands here, I’ve scouted some of the biggest names in music but the energy you displayed tonight is something we’ve never seen but have been looking for, for our label. Capitol records would be happy to have you join. Here’s my card. Give me a call and we will set up a meeting with the head of the label and get you signed.” He says handing you his card.

    “Oh my, wow! Thank you. Also if you don’t mind me spreading the word but I know of another you might be interested in. I’ll send you their latest video if you’re up for it.” You smile sneaking a look over at your friend and her bandmates.

    “Of course, we are always looking for new talents.” He says before exiting the room.

    “Was that?! YES!” You scream jumping into Luke’s arms. Everyone starts dancing around cheering.

    “We are being signed to Capitol Records!” You yell into the air as Luke holds you close to him. His eyes never leave your smiling face. He throws caution to the wind when you look back at him and he crashes his lips onto yours making everyone stop and gasp.

    “Well it's about damn time!” Alex shouts as you two pull away.

    “Well damn Patterson, if that’s what I get for getting signed I wonder what I’ll get after I tell you I sent your video to him as well.” You smile.

   “YOU DID WHAT?!” The band screams together.

   “We’re all getting signed.” You smile.

    “I’m going to marry this girl.” Luke says kissing you once more with more passion than the first. Everything was falling perfectly into place and you couldn’t wait to see what the future holds for you all.

I don't know how good this is, it sounded good and looked good when I was writing so I’m throwing caution to the wind and going for it. 

@parkeret​ I promised I’d tag you in my first one, I hope it doesn't suck!

@issaxcharlie thank you for also pushing me to do this as well!

@cookiebuba

[emmy-writes-sometimes]

Mess Is Mine

Someone requested Sebastian Stan as a father figure after him finding something out about your family. I twisted it a little to make it different from the Chris request I did recently, so I hope that’s okay! 

-

           “Hey, Y/n?” You took the walkie talkie from where it laid beside your thigh upon hearing Sebastian’s assistant’s voice. You were the lowest of the low on set – the assistant’s assistant. And you thought it would just be getting coffee, but it had turned into an actual friendship. People even joked that you were Sebastian’s kid, even though you weren’t related. When you were on call, though, you were the runner.

           “Yup?” You asked in return, sitting up from where you were doing school work on your laptop.

           “Can you run to wardrobe and grab an extra jacket? Seb ripped it again. I think we can still shoot, but just to be safe we want an extra..”

           “On it,” you responded, standing up and starting the walk across the lot. You tucked the walkie talkie back into your pocket, grabbing your phone as a notification popped up.

           2 dead in crash on I-285; delays expected until night.

           You thought nothing of it – you just scrolled up to get rid of the notification and continued walking over to wardrobe. By the time you were walking back with Sebastian’s black jacket on your arm, the costume dust getting all over your own jacket, you were getting a call from your older sister. Part of you wondered why she even bothered calling – it wasn’t like you were close. She was 33 and couldn’t care less about what you were doing. You were seventeen, almost eighteen, so by the time you had fully formed memories she was gone. She probably didn’t even know you were doing an internship.

           “Hello?” You asked as you raised the phone to your ear. You used your other hand to grab your ID badge, knowing they’d want it to get you back onto set. You heard your sister talking to someone else for a second, and rolled your eyes.

           “Hey, Y/n,” she said quietly. You stopped walking. Something was wrong. You didn’t know her that well, but you knew her well enough to know that she had the exact same voice your mom did when something went wrong.

           “Can this wait? I’m at work, I’m heading onto the stage in a second and I don’t know if they’re shooting.” You weren’t lying – they put everyone on the oldest stage, and the red light barely even worked so you could potentially get yelled at for walking on set while you were on the phone.

           “No,” she responded with a sigh. “It can’t. You, um, you might want to sit down for this.” You were getting annoyed – why was she being so dramatic? But at the same time, your heart was starting to race and you couldn’t help but feel a sneaking suspicion that she wasn’t being dramatic at all.

           “I’m sitting,” you lied. The only place to sit was a curb.

           “Mom and dad got in a car wreck earlier,” she said. “And neither of them made it.” Your heart stopped. You felt like you were on the receiving end of a sucker punch. “They called me because they couldn’t find you at school, and since you’re not eighteen yet…”

           “No,” you responded. “No. This isn’t happening.”

           “I’m sorry, honey,” she sighed. “I really am. I’ll be there later tonight so we can talk things out, okay? The police are at my house still.”

           “Okay.” Your voice was hollow and scratchy as you hung up, putting your phone back in your pocket. You wanted to curl up in a ball and cry, but nothing came. It didn’t hit you. But you could feel the blood drain from your face as you went on. There was nothing you could do. Absolutely nothing. So you just kept on. It didn’t make sense to leave, but it didn’t make sense to stay. So you just went on, handing your ID to the security guard, and walked over to where the director was calling for a cut. Sebastian’s assistant was nowhere to be found, but you held up the jacket and it caught his eye. Something else caught his eye, too, as he walked over.

           “Hey, what’s wrong? You look shaken up,” he asked as he looked you up and down. “You look like you saw the ghost over on stage 5.” You shook your head, offering him the jacket.

           “No,” you lied, “I’m fine.” You weren’t. You weren’t fine. You wanted to go home and have your parents be there, have your dog be there, have everything go back to normal. But it was impossible and you knew that. It wouldn’t hit until you were at home. Right now you were just too numb to tell anyone anything.

           “Are you sure?” You nodded, but it wasn’t convincing. “You literally look like you’re about to pass out.”

           “I’m fine.”

           “No, you’re not.” You weren’t in the mood to argue, and after he took the jacket you crossed your arms against your chest, looking down at the concrete floor. Tears finally started coming to your eyes, but you shook it off.

           “Just a rough day. That’s all.”

           “Rough day, my ass. Go home. We’re almost done for the day anyway. Just go home and pet your dog or something, okay?” You nodded. You weren’t in the mood to argue. You weren’t in the mood to do anything. Sebastian pulled you into one of his famous bear hugs, and you knew that later you’d get a text from him to check in. He was too nice. Maybe you would tell him then. But right now, it didn’t even make sense to you.

           You sniffled and calmly walked to the walkie-talkie charging station, putting yours back. Then you walked out to the parking lot and got into your car. It was only when you started the car that you realize 285 was your way home. If you drove that way, you would see…

           You took the long way home that day, and waiting for you was your sister’s car in the driveway.

-

           Just checking in. Is everything okay? You stared at Sebastian’s text as you emerged from your shower, the shower your sister had forced you to take when she realized you were going to have a breakdown in the middle of the living room. It was overwhelming. The news sucked, sure, but it threw everything into limbo. And by the time the crash had cleared, their names had been released, and you’d turned off everyone on your notifications list except for your emergency contacts. Those happened to be a few people at Marvel, your parents, and your best friend who’d texted you a storm too.

           You didn’t want to speak to him, for the first time in forever. You didn’t want to talk to anyone. You didn’t even want to talk to your sister or her husband, who, as nice as he was, had no idea what was going on. You just wanted things to go back to normal.

           “I made some mac and cheese,” your sister said as she walked up the stairs to see you standing in your robe. “Thought you should probably eat something.”

           “Thanks,” you replied with a sniffle.

           “And I was thinking that maybe it would be a good idea if I came to stay for a while. Just until your internship’s done.” You sighed. You didn’t want to talk about it. You didn’t want to talk about anything. Your head was pounding. Your heart hadn’t stopped pounding.

           “I think I just want to go to bed.” You knew you’d hurt worse if you refused the food, but you didn’t care. You wanted out. You needed out.

           “I’ll have some breakfast for you in the morning, then,” she said. She knew it wasn’t worth fighting over, so she didn’t. She just let you go back to your room. You turned off your phone before putting it on the charger, making sure nobody would wake you up. You weren’t ready for the outpouring of support from people you hadn’t spoken to in months. You weren’t ready to face the next day, either, or the next one. Part of you thought you should go ahead and have your resignation ready because your sister would probably want you to come live with her an hour away, or your school would want you to live on campus. Your life as you knew it was over, and part of you was mourning that more than you were your parents. But you knew that wasn’t true, either. This was just how you worked. You set your alarm, early enough to go to an office and tell someone you were leaving, and shut your eyes.

           The next morning you went straight to the producer, ready to hand in your ID badge. Maybe you were being irrational, but it felt like the best thing to do was end your internship early and take the rest of the semester to adjust. Adjust – meaning watch your entire life change without being able to stop it. But, to your surprise, the door was closed. Someone was meeting with him already. You took a seat outside the door, trying to pretend like you weren’t supposed to meet your sister in two hours. You used the time to scroll through messages, responding with hearts or thank-yous, as the depth of the situation settled in again, and barely even noticed when the door opened.

           “Y/n!” You looked up to see Sebastian, worry in his eyes, as he emerged from the office. “Thank God, when you didn’t respond last night…” The producer smiled at you, motioning for you to come in.

           “Seb?” You asked him, looking up at him. He could tell something was still wrong. “Can you come with me?”

           “Yeah,” he said softly. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, but he followed you into the office. The producer looked you up and down – you were wearing open toed shoes, the first sign that you weren’t planning on working. Sebastian didn’t seem to notice it.

           “Y/n,” the producer started with a sigh. “I heard about the accident last night.” You looked down. “Is that what this is about?”

           “Yeah,” you replied.

           “Accident? What accident?” Sebastian asked, looking over at you. “Are you okay?” You sighed.

           “My parents got in an accident yesterday,” you muttered. “And they didn’t make it out. I was planning to quit today because I probably won’t even finish out the semester, but…”

           “Don’t worry about that. We’ll honor your internship for next semester. Just take whatever time you need.” Time. Like that was going to fix everything. You stood up, and Sebastian just followed you.

           “What?” He spoke too loudly when you went into the hallway, only realizing if after. “Sorry. What? You’re quitting?”

           “I have to go live with my sister,” you said. “Who I barely even know. She lives an hour away, so I can’t finish the semester and I definitely can’t keep working. I didn’t respond to your message because I didn’t know how, because it’s not like I can just say…”

           “Come here.” Sebastian interrupted you and pulled you into a hug in the middle of the hallway. “Come back with me.” You sniffled and nodded, and after following Sebastian out the main door you walked to his trailer. He started scrambling around as you sat down, readying a cup of the peach tea he knew you liked.

           “You don’t have to…” You started. He wouldn’t hear of it, though, and got you the tea anyway. You had to admit that you felt better here. With him. Being around him was more comfort than being around your sister. Sebastian felt more like family than she did, and maybe it was because you’d spent so much time with him, but ever since you met he always joked that you could be his kid because you were so alike.

           “I’m not gonna tell you I’m sorry, because I’m sure you’ve heard that enough.” He gave you a little smile and sat down beside you on the bench seat, handing you the cup of tea. It definitely wasn’t the first time you’d come to his trailer to cry.

           “Yeah,” you sighed. “I don’t really believe it yet. I just… It doesn’t seem real. And I don’t think it will for awhile.”

           “It never does.”

           “I feel like I should be crying all over the place but I’m just not.”

           “Everyone reacts in different ways. But I don’t think you should just stop living your life.”

           “I don’t have a choice. I have to go live with my sister until I turn eighteen. Which is only a couple months, but…” Sebastian shook his head. You took a sip of tea, not even realizing how hot it was. It burned your throat, but it felt good.

           “What if you don’t have to?” He asked. “Hypothetically. What if you had a place to stay here to finish out the semester? And then next semester you could live on campus?” You looked over at him.

           “Sebastian, you don’t have to do that.”

           “I want to. I wanna help you through this. I wanna help take care of you. If that’s okay with you. And, besides. I have two extra bedrooms so you can pick which one you like better.”

           “This is such a mess, and you don’t...”

           “Yeah. But I want to, kid.” He wrapped an arm around your back and pulled you into a hug. “You’re my kid who isn’t really my kid, remember? Your mess is my mess”

           “I remember.” 

           A/N: This is literally such crap and a terrible ending but school has rly been kicking my ass and gave me such bad writer’s block, sorry to whoever requested but I really did try 😭💕

[redheadedteatotalfanfic]

You're the One, the Only (Ch. 1)

Chapter One:

Gina sat in a chair by the window in the front room of her grandparents’ house, trying her best to block out the noise going on behind her. She stared out the window, her mood as gloomy and bleak as the sky outside. She had zero interest in celebrating Christmas now that her Marine wasn't going to be here with her. When Kevin had called home for Thanksgiving, he'd explained how he'd deliberately not requested leave in the hopes that it would make it easier to get approved to come home for Christmas. She'd been fine with that, preferring it to spending time with him at Thanksgiving. He'd called day before yesterday and told her his chances of coming home for the holidays looked nonexistent. Her mood had soured, and she now just wanted to get tonight and tomorrow over with.

She had kept to herself despite her family's best efforts to cheer her up. She spoke when spoken to, but gave short perfunctory answers, and avoided looking at pictures and talking about favorite Christmases like her mom's side of the family did every year. She'd do the same tomorrow at her dad's, and hopefully go to bed early to get the day over with as quickly as possible. It wasn't the same without him here. Her only bright spot had come in the mail yesterday as his Christmas gift finally arrived. He'd gotten her the red Marines t-shirt she'd fallen in love with, along with a set of custom dog tags that had black silencers. She had both on today, hoping it would make her feel closer to him, but it hadn't worked. She glanced at her phone in her lap, he had promised to try and call tonight so they could at least hear each other's voice on their favorite holiday. But as the day dragged on it didn't appear that was going to be possible either. They normally talked at least three times a week, but all she'd gotten this week was the very brief phone call to tell her he wasn't coming home. She held out a small sliver of hope that he was saving the call for tomorrow.

A small package landed in her lap, and she looked up to see her little sister standing next to her chair with a cheesy grin. "Open it," she said.

"Not interested," Gina groused, handing it back. Since they were kids, they'd had a habit of opening one gift before dinner, as a way to tide them over until the adults were ready to open presents.

Casey refused to take it. "Trust me," she said. "You wanna open this one. You need what's in it."

With a frustrated sigh Gina ripped the paper open, revealing a packet of kleenex with a funny saying on them. She rolled her eyes and shoved them back into her sister's hand. "Very funny," she growled.

"Okay sourpuss, you don't wanna be nice go make yourself useful and start bringing the deserts in from the back porch," her mom said in the tone all mother's use when tired of their teenager's attitude. "And find a better mood while you're out there, hear me?"

"Gladly," Gina muttered, getting to her feet, and stuffing her phone in her back pocket.

As soon as she stepped into the kitchen Casey shifted to a point where she could see her sister and began providing a play by play for the rest of the family. "Through the kitchen...opening the back door, and..."

There was a muted scream that made everyone laugh and both of Gina's sisters and their mom headed for the porch. They were wrapped in each other’s arms, his around her waist and her own around his neck. She would've stayed that way forever if her family would've let her. She pulled back, and they shared a quick kiss, knowing her grandparents would have issue with more than that. "C'mon, let's get back in the house," her mom said.

"When did you get here?" Gina asked.

"He took a red eye last night, we picked him up at the airport this morning and dropped him off at the hotel," Chris said. "We waited until he got here and got hid on the back porch before Case gave you the kleenex."

"I got a few hours sleep, and went and spent time with my family today," Kevin added. He dropped his tone to a murmur, making sure only Gina could hear him as he entered the house. "I'm all yours until I gotta go back the day after New Year’s."

"Two weeks," she murmured. She was unfazed at knowing he'd elected to spend most of the day with her family instead of his own, he hadn't had the greatest upbringing, and most of them had been furious at his choice to join the military to the point he'd severely limited his contact with them.

"Two weeks," he confirmed. "And a room at our favorite hotel."

She squeezed his hand as they passed through the kitchen and back into the living room. With Kevin here her entire demeanor changed, and she became the giggling goofball that her family knew her to be at this time of year. She sat down in one of the chairs and he sat on the floor in front of her, using her legs as a backrest. It gave them the excuse to touch each other without enduring any teasing.

"I thought for sure you'd cry, it's why I gave you the kleenex," Casey said.

"She called you a crybaby when she bought them," Chris added.

She laughed, unfazed by the ribbing. None of them noticed when her legs shifted so that they were over Kevin’s shoulders, and he had his arms wrapped around them. They made it through dinner, and she was surprised to see the small pile of presents her family had gotten him. She had left her own gift for him in her car and was now looking forward to giving it to him in person later instead of mailing it on the day after Christmas.

She had needed the kleenex when they'd been given identical boxes by her grandmother. "This has been a year in the making, and I had to enlist the help of both families. It should make it a little easier to be separated when he goes back to the base," she'd explained. "And I didn't get them mixed up."

They had each been given a quilt made of the other's t-shirts. What made it extra special was that some of the shirts used had some sort of meaning between the two of them. She didn't know about him, but it would definitely make it easier to sleep once he left again.

During a lull as the night began to wind down, her mom gently pulled her aside. "Don't mention anything about staying with him. Just make it look like you're gonna drop him off at the hotel on your way home, okay? Otherwise, you'll get an earful from them both," she said.

Gina nodded. "I can use needing to pick up his Christmas gift as an excuse," she said. "I'm surprised you're okay with him staying."

"You're nineteen and have your own place, there's not much I can do to stop you. Now you know why I questioned you about doing your laundry yesterday, though I still dunno why you bothered with your underwear," her mom teased.

"Ma!"

----------------

After getting all the gifts loaded into Gina's car and making a quick stop at a gas station to pick up enough snacks to last until the day after Christmas when everything would re-open they headed for the hotel. They pulled up to a stoplight and Gina pulled a small package from the center console, where she'd put it with the intention of mailing it the day after Christmas. She turned on one of the overhead lights and handed him the package. "Merry Christmas baby," she said. "It's gonna seem weird until I explain what it's for, but I promise you'll love it."

Kevin tore into the packaging and unwrapped a set of keys. "Keys?" He questioned. "Keys are usually a good thing."

"Uh huh," Gina agreed. "An incredibly good thing in our case. We're not staying at the hotel for two weeks."

"We aren't? Why?" He asked.

"Remember the pictures I sent of the house I told you my dad was looking at?" She countered.

"Yeah," Kevin said a split second before comprehension smacked him on the back of the head, and his expression changed from confusion to anxious disbelief. "No..."

Gina nodded. "Dad doesn't like the idea of us living in the dorms on campus, so he was planning to lease me an apartment like he did my sister. I don't like the thought of living squished in with other people, and I found this place not too far from school. It's nothing spectacular, but it's ours," she explained.

"Explains why your sister was so adamant about me only booking the room for one night until the two of us went back to the hotel. The last two words you said are all that matters. I don't care what it looks like or what's wrong with it, it's ours," he said. Kevin leaned forward and they shared a kiss just as the light changed. She reached up and shut off the light as they began to move again and he reached over and grabbed her hand, kissing the back of her palm before threading their fingers together. The streetlights allowed him to see her smile, and he sat watching her for the longest time.

She couldn't wait to get to the house and show him the trivial things that she'd yet to tell him about. She'd turned one of the smaller bedrooms into a studio of sorts, where she could write, and he could draw. The master bedroom had an en suite bathroom, and double closets, and she'd sectioned off part of the garage to make a little home gym. They would hit up the supermarket on the twenty-sixth and pick up the last few things needed to turn it from a house into a home.

When they left the hotel after picking up his bags and checking out, she gave up her keys to let him drive, something she knew he enjoyed and likely hadn't done since he left several months ago. She also gave him quick instructions on how to get to the house, smiling when he easily pinpointed the location. As Kevin drove towards the house she unbuckled her seatbelt, wiggled out of her hoodie and stretched out across the center console, pillowing her head on his thigh. Kevin knew she wasn't sleepy; she was satisfying her desire to want to do more than just hold his hand. She covered up with the hoodie, and after giving her a couple of minutes to get comfortable he slipped his hand under it with the intention of curling his arm over her ribcage. His fingertips were met by bare skin, and when his thumb brushed against the lower curve of her breast he realized she'd taken off her bra when she'd gone to the restroom at the gas station. "Touch me," she begged in whisper. "I want you so bad."

Kevin smiled as she voiced her desires, he'd been gently coaxing her to do so ever since their first time. When she'd sheepishly admitted she struggled with it because she was afraid of being laughed at, he'd kissed her forehead and explained that any man that laughed at his girl for telling him he was doing something she liked or didn't like wasn't really interested in pleasing his girl. He let his hand drift up her chest and brush over her soft peaks enjoying the soft moans she made in response. Kevin kept his touch light so that neither of them would get frustrated by having to stop when they got to the house. She growled low in her throat when he withdrew his hand, making him chuckle. "We're less than five minutes from the house," he said.

She fidgeted a moment, readjusting her clothes, and then sat up, wiggling back into the hoodie, and raking a hand through her hair. She decided that when they got home they'd get the car unloaded, she'd give him a quick tour of the house, and then spend the next several hours tangled up in bed. Gina was about to inform him of her plans when she suddenly remembered something she desperately needed to take care of before he saw it.

"I gotta tie up the bathroom a bit, need to shave," she said as they pulled in the driveway. "Haven't been keeping things quite as trimmed as I was before you left."

Kevin smiled, knowing she wasn't talking about her legs. "I packed my straight razor, want me to do it again?" He asked, hitting the button to open the garage door. He pulled in, putting the car in park, and shutting off the engine before turning in the seat to look at her.

She nodded with a smile. He had done it for her one other time, the first time she decided she wanted to go bare. Letting him take care of something so intimate had been an amazing experience, and she'd decided to always take him up on the offer should he ever ask again. "I wanna do what I did last time too, it felt so good afterwards," she said.

They got out of the car and got the bags and gifts from the backseat. Gina led the way inside. She put the snacks on the counter before leading him into the living room where a couple of photos caught his attention. Kevin stopped and looked around, seeing several of his belongings sprinkled throughout the room. "I went to your parents place and picked up all your stuff that your mom boxed up and put in the garage," she said, putting the gifts on the sofa.

His duffel bag slid to the floor and he turned to her with tears in his eyes. She'd done much more than that. Unhappy with his decision, his mom had pretty much kicked him out when he went to boot camp, clearing out his room and relegating his belongings to the garage for him to pick up as soon as possible. Her family had taken him in, to the point that her grandparents treated him like their fourth grandkid. Gina pulled him into a hug, and he silently sobbed in her arms. "Welcome home baby," she murmured.

She cuddled him for a few minutes and decided to forgo the tour for the time being. He needed to stop thinking about his family and the bullshit he'd endured since he made the announcement that he was joining the military. "C'mon, let's go unwind a while and celebrate being together in our new house," she murmured.

Kevin lifted his head and smiled, and they shared a quick kiss before he reshouldered his duffel and followed her towards the bedroom.

[the-avengers-ate-my-tongue]

Speachless (part 1)

Summary: after a few days out visiting your mom in other state, Alana calls you to tell you Will was arrested for the murder of Abigail Hobbs and the victims of the copycat killer. You and Will are currently involved, and you know he’d never do something like that but, with consistent evidences and all fingers pointed to him, how would you prove the man you love is innocent? 

Pairing: Will Graham x reader

Warnings: swearing, a little angst

Word count: 2843 

A/N: Hannibal again! Haha, I’m still obsessed and managed to introduce a friend to the show, soon I’ll start a cult (just kidding. Or am I?). One of the things that bothered me and my friend the most at the end of season one was how everyone just turned their backs to Will so quickly. I understand, they’re FBI, there were evidences, but I don’t know, maybe it’s my favoritism for the character talking. My friend also said that she found unnerving how he’s treated like a machine, a tool, especially by Jack Crawford. That stuck in my mind for days, and I decided to write something at the end of season one to let my mind flow my frustration. Hope you guys enjoy it! Probably there will be a second part of this, I still have a few scenes in my mind and this was supposed to be a oneshot. Let’s see how it goes.

XXX

“What do you mean he was arrested?” My voice trembled while I drove as fast as I could back to Virginia. “Alana, you have to tell me what's going on. Will doesn't need to be arrested, he needs…”

“Some evidences where found in his house yesterday, Y/N.” Her voice faulted, and I could hear her sadness bursting out and reaching me like a breeze. “We really tried to contact you. The FBI found genetic material of the victims of the copycat. They... They think Will killed all those people”.

For a second, I felt my hands go numb. My eyes were wide, my mouth dry. I had no reaction. I lost my attention on the road, only to regain it by almost hitting a huge truck. 

I yelled in anticipation, turning as much as I could. The car drove off the road, skidding on sand and finally stopping a few meters ahead.

“Y/n? What's happening?” Alana's voice sounded urgent and took me out of my daze. “Y/n, are you okay?”

“This is ridiculous!” I snapped, and Alana sighed with relief. “Will did not kill them! He wasn't even sick when Cassie Boyle or Marissa Schuur was murdered.”

“The evidences were substantial. And after Abigail, after today, there's nothing we can do for him... At least not anymore” Alana admitted with moderated grief. I felt my mouth dry at the same time I could feel my own sweat soak the wheel under my hands. I could also feel my nails digging so hard the pain woke me up.

“Fucking Jack Crawford” I tried not to sound so revolted, but I couldn't help it. “Damn FBI. We warned him. We saw Will lose his sanity over and over and we didn't do shit. We saw he was breaking. Goddammit... We failed him.”

“I know you two were...” She hesitated, looking for words to put it lightly. “Involved. He escaped custody while he was being taken to Baltimore State Hospital this afternoon. Just promise me you won't do anything stupid and will call Jack or me if he tries to reach you.”

I opened and closed my mouth a few times, uncertain of what to say.

“Y/n.” Alana tried again in a softer tone. “Will's not himself at the moment. He killed Abigail and maybe four more people. I... I don't want to worry about you too.”

I realized how much wrecked she sounded, and a small and unwanted smile crossed my lips.

“I'm a big girl, Lana. You don't have to worry about me, you know?” I tried to laugh it off, but it just came out as a cry.

“Jack wants to see you. You might need to give a statement.” She replied. “We tried to contact you sooner. How's your mom?”

“She’s fine, it was just a warning for her to stop eating junkie food all the time. I can't do this right now, Alana. I can't just chit chat like that and I can't see Jack being this affected. I need to clear up my head. I'll go home, have a shower and...”

My voice just faded as I rubbed my eyes. How was that happening? The last time I talked to Will, he said he was planning to take Abigail Hobbs to Minnesota. That was three days ago. How did so much happen in this short matter of time? 

“What did Hannibal say in all of this? He was supposed to warn Jack if he'd seen Will would break. Where was he in all of this?” I couldn't hide my annoyed tone. Hannibal was an old acquaintance of mine as well as Alana's, and I'm sure he'd find my tone quite insolent if he could hear me right now. 

“He was the first one Will called. He showed me a drawing he made of a clock two weeks ago. It was normal. Whatever it is, it's something that comes and goes and gives him episodes of instability.”  

“Couldn't it be some sort of encephalitis?” I asked after a few seconds of silence, trying to see the evidences. “He had a lot of fever, especially by night time. It got worse after a while. Sometimes he'd like... Vanish mentally to somewhere I couldn't reach. I'd talk to him, but he wasn't really there, you know? In his own mind.”

“I thought about encephalitis, too. He escaped custody before we could run some tests. That's also why we need to find him as soon as possible. It's a dangerous condition, he needs treatment.”

“You're absolutely right. Of course, I'll... See what I can do.” I hated the way my voice sounded so unsure, and I knew Alana would notice it.

She sighed.

“Are you sure you're okay to drive? If you text me your location, I can pick you up.”

“I'm fine. Just half an hour and I'll be home safe and sound.” I said in a melancholic tone. “I'll call Jack later and see what I can do to help.”

She probably was relieved to see some sign of cooperation, even if I didn't really mean it. I hung up and, before I could even realize, drove to Will's place even knowing he wouldn't be there. Of course he wouldn't. I just needed to be sure.

A few minutes later, I parked outside, getting out of the car with my legs like jelly. Not even the dogs were there. That broke my heart even more, as if they extinguished all of Will's essence of the place. I went back to the car with my heart heavy, heading straight home. A shower would do me some good.

By the moment I turned the key on the keyhole I felt the atmosphere changing. Like electric sparks in the air that made all possible hair in my body stand up. I could barely assimilate the hand gripping my pulse and pulling me inside, another firm hand shutting my mouth.

I tried to gasp for air so I could scream but, as I realized the smell that came inside my lungs, my whole body relaxed and I felt relieved.

Will. He was there.

He smelled like pine trees, wet dirt, aftershave and sometimes fish. And dogs, always dogs. A smell that was far from bad and reminded me of him. My eyes were filled with tears as I saw his state. He was pale, sweating and wearing an orange uniform. His breathing was accelerated, he was trembling.

I took his hand off my mouth and pulled him close, throwing myself into his arms. I hid my face in his neck, taking a deep breath. His smell, his essence was still there indeed. I closed my eyes as I felt my tears wet my face, and he hid his face in my hair, grabbing myself in a hug so tight I could feel my bones cracking. I stood away only to see his face. He had this feverish complexion that only made me more worried as I recalled of Alana's words.

“Talk to me, Will. What's happening?” I practically begged, pulling him to the sofa. “God, you're burning up, Will. You have to see a doctor.”

“Y/n, you have to hear me now. Someone is framing me.” He started while refused to sit, his eyes a little wide. “Someone is trying to make it look like I committed the crimes of the copycat. We find him, we find the copycat. It's someone who's close, who knew the case and the evidences, someone in the bureau. Someone we know.”

I felt the shivers go around my body like an electric shock, taking a few steps behind as I covered my mouth with one hand. He sounded very sure, and I couldn't help remember the confusion that stroke his mind in the past few weeks. My mind worked fast and I evaluated all the information I had so far on the cases, trying to make connections. I could see Will was agitated but he allowed me to take my time, and his confidence on me gave me more strength. Even if you could separate the fact that Will was unstable from evidences and informations I had, for me there was still a gap. Missing data. 

So I decided to trust him. Trust the man I knew he was, the man I cared deeply about. The selfless, kind man I could see under his armor. Took me a long time to break through the thick layer, and I wouldn't turn my back on him now. He was not the "catching bad guys machine", and I felt like I was the only one that could see it at the moment. There must be an explanation.

“Someone that had easy access to your house, knew your routine, knew exactly what was happening to you...” I felt my heart pumping through my chest like a hummingbird. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that it was someone close. Probably someone I knew, someone wearing a social mask I couldn't see beyond it. I started searching for clues in my own mind, but i suspected any single little thing would seem suspicious if I didn't get more information. I looked to Will one more time, and saw a little pity in his eyes. No one wanted to find out that someone they know, probably someone close could commit those horrible crimes.

I sighed, scanning his face. In spite of the fever, he seemed more conscious that I'd seen him in the past few days. His eyes were darker, more vivid, glowing almost sickeningly. His hair was a mess, all over his face and gluing on his forehead because of the sweat. He was sharp. I could see it.

“You know who it is, don't you?” I licked my lips, biting my bottom one nervously. He followed my tongue with his eyes, and they seemed to grow even darker. 

“I might.”

“Tell me.”

“The less you know the better. If I'm right... I... I don't wanna be right.” He closed his eyes for a few seconds, probably choosing the right words. “It's serious, Y/n. You don't want me to be right, trust me.”

“I do. And I want you to trust me.” I pulled his hair out of his forehead, caressing his defined jawline.

He held my wrists abruptly, pulling my hands down. I didn't even blink, and he smiled lightly. He'd never scare me. I knew the man standing in front of me. I knew he'd never hurt me.

“You don't think I've murdered all those people.”

“Of course I don't. That was never in question.” I replied in a petulant tone. Will opened his mouth to speak, then closed it without making a sound.

“You seem to be the first.” He said, trying to hide the disappointment in his voice and eyes and avoiding to look at me. That broke my heart in a way that almost made me feel sick.

My eyes filled with tears and I tried to smile, probably grimacing.

“Maybe I know you too well. Beyond you boundaries and everything else. Did you ever consider that?” I asked in a playful tone. He didn't smile or laugh, though. He just came closer, touching my lips with his in a sweet, caring kiss. They felt hot and a little bit dry, probably due the fever. I could feel all the gratitude in his kiss, the way his hands held my face with tenderness. 

He broke the kiss only to keep his forehead on mine, his eyes still closed. My hands caressed the sides of his face as I tried to stop the tears from falling.

“Will. Listen to me. I know you want to catch who's doing this to you, and I think it's only reasonable. But escaping custody will only make you look more guilty, and that's the least you need at the moment. You need treatment.” I tried to sound sensible, but I knew he didn't need to listen to that. He knew I was right, of course, that was obvious.

“You're right. And I will turn myself in. I just have one last stop.” He seemed so certain I knew I wouldn't convince him otherwise. 

“Then promise me something, Will Graham.” I held him by his orange uniform with a pleading look. "Promise me you won't do anything reckless. Promise me you won't get hurt".

He didn't reply, taking a deep breath, his face getting sweeter.

“I have no idea what I've done to deserve someone like you.” He said, kissing me again. I held him by his neck as he touched my waist, pulling me closer, his agile fingers marking my skin. The kiss started to get deeper and deeper as I could feel a certain agitation below my abdomen.

“Well...” I pulled away, trying to regain my breath. “Let's get you out of this clothes.”

He was breathing hard, taking a moment to absorb my words. His eyes were darker than ever.

“Y/n...” He started with an uncertain tone, making me laugh a little.

“Well, you can't move around the city in this orange uniform, can you?” I explained in a false innocent tone. “What did you think I meant? You left some clothes here.”

He lowered his eyes, turning slightly red. But the cynic smile was still in his lips.

I climbed the stairs and he followed me. We entered my room and I went straight to the closet, searching for a few clothes I knew he'd left there. As he changed, I took the orange uniform and hid it in a large shoebox I had, putting it behind other boxes.

“There you go. All packed” I said, trying to hide how nervous I was lowering my eyes and staring at my shoes as if they were very interesting. He noticed, of course.

“Y/n…” He started.

“Stay.” I hated the way my voice cracked, that made me feel so weak. I was a very emotional person, while Will was more rational. Nevertheless, I knew he had his moments, I’d seen it.

He sighed, coming to me and lifting my chin with his index while caressed me with his thumb. I closed my eyes, rubbing my face in his hand like a kitten and cursing myself mentally for the tears that stained my cheeks. I felt so desperate. That was serious, he was being framed for someone else’s crimes, someone dangerous that all of us knew. And I had no idea how to prove it, just my blind belief that wasn’t useful for nobody but us. I was facing it; maybe, the following days, even months, would be seeing Will mostly behind bars.

“You know I can’t.” He said in a condescended tone, his deep blue eyes studying my face. “I wasn’t even supposed to be here. It was reckless. I’m sure Jack has eyes for me everywhere, including here. I’m already running out of time. And if he knows about us, then I shouldn’t have even come here in the first place.”

“I know. I’m just being silly.” I agreed, wiping my tears away with a little smile. “And Will, honestly, I think everyone knows about us by now. We weren’t exactly good at hiding it.”

He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“Alana was the first to find out, you know?” I told him as I avoided staring at his face, feeling my cheeks burn a little. “She noticed how I looked at you. She says I look like a fool. A beautiful little fool. I asked her not to tell a soul about it, but I’m terrible on hiding my feelings, as you may know. Especially… Especially when it comes to you.”

He listened to my words in silence, his hand still caressing my chin. I noticed how wet they were, he was sweating. I tried to imagine those hands committing violent murder, carving a macabre smile on Sutcliffe’s face, putting Cassie Boyle on the top of those stag antlers. That felt… Wrong. Inadequate. Maybe it was my feelings talking, but I just couldn’t see it.

“So, probably the whole bureau knows by now.” I continued, stepping away and breaking any physical contact. It would be easier to let him go, and he knew it, he saw it in my eyes. I held my body as a form of solace, staring at the floor. “You should go, Will. You’re right. This is dangerous, my house may be under surveillance right now as we speak. Just… Promise me you’ll take care of yourself.”

He hesitated, opening his mouth to answer at the same moment my phone rang. I startled with the high-pitched sound, taking the goddamn thing out of my pocket and checking the name on the screen. Jack.

I turned my back on him, picking up the phone.

“Jack. Yes. I’m here.” I tried to fight back the tears, sounding convincing enough. I didn’t even had to turn to know Will was gone. His smell slowly began to fade, and in a few seconds, I felt completely alone.

Part two

[alyssaiswriting]

Dead Man (3)

Catch up with part 1, and 2

Warning: gun, choking (not in a kinky way)

Summary: you make a call which puts you in a position you rather not be + figuring out if you can trust Zabdiel

Word Count: 3221

You watch as you pass by many dry fields with occasional wildlife eating what little grass hasn't died off with the burn of the sun.

Zabdiel has been driving for four hours now, you don't know where you're going but you're not about to ask anyway. you have yet to speak a single word to him since leaving the gas station. The radio plays so faintly neither one of you actually listen to it. The sun is just starting to set when Zabdiel's pulls into a motel parking lot.

"I'm gonna get us a room, wait here" you don't look up till he's out of the vehicle, you watch him make his way into the office of the Motel.

You start looking around the parking lot looking for anyone to borrow a phone from, you had been thinking the whole ride about your uncle Hector. If he really was the leader of a rivaling gang like Julio said he was, then maybe he could help you, track you down somehow.

Just then a truck pulls in beside you blocking your view of the office, meaning blocking you from Zabdiel's view.

And older looking man jumps out of the driver seat, you notice his wallet fall out of his pocket in the process but you ignore it, you couldn't find it in you to care right now as you quickly get out of the car.

"Excuse me!" You call out after him, slamming the car door and getting his attention. He's just about to make his way around his truck to walk to the motel office. He looks to you confused "do you happen to have a phone I can borrow?" You try to mask your anxiety by putting on a stern voice but your hands shake at your side so instead, fold them behind your back.

"I'm sorry?" He questions like he hadn't heard you. You go to repeat yourself but a voice calling your name behind you stops you.

You panic for a second before looking down to the floor, picking up the man's wallet you walk over to him "you dropped this" you hand him the little leather wallet.

"Oh thank you," he says gratefully, you send him a closed mouth smile before turning to Zabdiel who's looking at you with scrunched eyebrows.

"What?" You ask him. He shakes his head but drops it.

After Zabdiel grabs his bags you both make your way to the room.

You're grateful when you walk in to see 2 beds instead of one. You stand by the door and allow Zabdiel to pick a bed where he sets down a duffle bag.

You walk over to the other bed and seat down, with your hands in your lap you just watch Zabdiel look through his bag pulling out some clothes before tossing them on the side of his bed closest to you. "I got some clothes from the girl's at the warehouse, they should fit you" you hesitantly pick up the clothes to see a skirt, jeans, and 1 black V neck and a blue T-shirt.

Zabdiel then tosses you a pair of grey sweatpants. "You can wear those to sleep," he says. "You can take a shower first, I need a nap" he drops his bag onto the floor before collapsing on the bed.

You glare at him but before standing from the bed and making your way to the bathroom. You wanted to argue with him, you hated being told what to do but your greasy hair was in desperate need of a wash. You make sure the door is locked before stripping off your clothes and jumping into the warm water.

you try to focus on just cleaning your self up, ridding yourself of all the sweat and dirt from the last two days. But soon your mind wanders, you're emotions crash over you like a wave taking you under, a shaky breath breaks past your lips and you finally allow yourself to fully breakdown placing your hand over your mouth to muffle your sobs as you sink onto the bathtub floor.

Never would you have imagined yourself in this position, not being able to go home, forced to smuggle drugs, not sure when you'll see your family again.

From outside of the restroom Zabdiel sits up in the bed at the sound of your muffled cries. His heart clenches in his chest.

He never wanted this for you, even if he was angry with you for leaving, never would he wish this life upon you.

He wants to make you feel safe but in this world, he would never be able to do that.

You take your time you time finishing up your shower as you try to calm your emotions, after stepping out you dry yourself off with a towel and get dressed in the sweat pants and the blue t-shirt. You leave your hair loose to air dry and take a deep breath again before stepping out of the bathroom.

You're surprised to find the room empty, you frown and that's when your eyes land on the room phone. You rush over to the door and lock the top latch just Incase Zabdiel comes back while you're on the phone.

You shakily dial your mom's number since she's the only one who's number you remember by memory.

"Hello," your mom says on the first ring

"Mami," You say grateful she answered.

"Y/n where are you? Are you ok?" She questions you like she had yesterday.

"Yes Ma I need you to tell Tio Hector something for me," you say quickly as your anxiety rises at the thought of Zabdiel coming back.

"What why?" Your mom asks confused.

"Just tell him Julio Mendoza has me," You say, you still don't know the name of the gang and even if you did you wouldn't mention it to your mom.

"Wha- who is that?" She sounds panicked

"Just tell him, he'll know what to do," you say.

"Y/n please I want to know what's going on" she cries and immediately a sob is ripped from your chest.

"I'm gonna be fine mama I promise," you tell her.

Just the then you hear the sound of a key card.

"I got to go, I love you," you say and though you want to hear her say it back just in case it might be the last time, the door is pushed open only to get halted by the metal latch making you quickly hang up the phone.

"What-"

"I'm coming," you say as you whip your tears before standing from the bed.

When you open the door Zabdiel is about to snap at you when he notices your puffy red eyes. His features soften and he clears his throat as he makes his way to the bed.

"I got us something to eat" he places down bags of Chinese food.

"I'm not hungry," you say walking over to your bed.

"Please y/n you need to eat something" you look over at him to see the very familiar yet foreign look of his puppy dog eyes, you're taken back to when he used to beg you to go with him to watch a movie you weren't even the slightest bit interested in but you went just for him.

With a sigh, you walk over to his bed taking a little bowl of fried rice. You sit back on your bed and slowly eat your rice.

You both silently eat for about a minute before Zabdiel speaks up. "I heard you crying in the shower" he says avoiding looking at you "I know it's not worth much but I'm really sorry and I need you to know that" he finally looks at you, your eyes meet his, you can see the sincerity in them and immediately lessens your anger towards him.

"I know you're upset and angry but I will help you get out of this if you trust me" Instead of Immediately nodding like you did last time you remain staring at him unsure if you can trust him anymore.

"You're like family, and I'm just as angry as you that you're in this mess but we need to be logical about how we do this in order to get us both out alive" your eyes scrunch in confusion "both?" You speak.

Zabdiel looks away "seeing that look on your face before getting to the gas station, how scared you were and feeling that in my chest, I was scared too. I'm tired of living this life, with the girls that died before you I couldn't function for a week or so but if you would've joined them" he pauses shaking his head "I care about you y/n" you looks back at you "I want us to get out of this alive and if not me then at least you"

Your stomach drops at the thought of Zabdiel dying and you didn't know how much you still care for him as well.

—————

the next day Zabdiel and you drop off the drugs at some house, Zabdiel tells you to wait in the car and you don't argue.

Knocking on the front door of Felipe's house Zabdiel glances back at you. This is only supposed to be a drop off to a dealer in this area so when the front door opens Zabdiel is surprised that his boss Julio is the one standing in the doorway.

"Where is she?" Julio growls pushing past Zabdiel stalking towards the car.

Through the window, Zabdiel doesn't miss the look of fear in your eyes when you see Julio coming for you.

"What happened?" Zabdiel is hot on Julio's heels.

Julio pulls on the handle of the door but you had just locked it, this only further infuriates the man.

He starts pounding on the glass window "abre la pinche puerta" Julio shouts at you.

"¿Julio que paso?" Zabdiel asks once again, glancing over at Julio's bandaged upper arm.

When you still refuse to open the door Julio steps back and pulls out his gun, both you and Zabdiel freeze. Tears that had formed in your eyes fall and Zabdiel ignores the drop of his heart into his stomach.

"Open the door y/n" Julio says slower.

Reluctantly you listen, unlocking the door before stepping out, the second your feet hit the ground Julio grabs ahold of your forearm yanking you to your feet and shoving you against the car. You let out a cry that gets caught in your throat when he presses the gun against your cheek and reaches up to choke you.

"Julio" Zabdiel takes small calculated steps towards him. "What are you doing?"

"We were attacked by los lobos last night, they were looking for this-" he shoves the gun harder against your cheek his grip on your neck tightening making it harder to breathe "bitch" the door handle of the car digs into your back.

"Tell me y/n how did they know we had you?" He asks but even if you wanted to answer his grip on your throat is so tight it's hard to get out words.

"I have been by her side since we left, she couldn't have told anyone," Zabdiel tells him.

Zabdiel's eyes look over your face, your mouth agape trying hard to get more oxygen to your lungs.

"Then who did Zabdiel?"

"I don't know?" he almost snaps but he controls himself, not wanting to further anger the Mexican holding a gun to your face  " no era ella" Zabdiel defends you.

Julio's cold eyes leave your face to look at Zabdiel before letting you go, you bend over gasping for air, Julio ignores you walking over to Zabdiel.

"Why are you so worried about her" you look up at the two still coughing and trying to regain your breath. Zabdiel's concerned eyes leave you to look at his boss, stepping back an emotionless look taking over, "I'm not" he says.

"Really so I could shot her right now and you won't even flinch?" Julio is still looking at Zabdiel as he aims the gun towards you, you scrabble back.

But Zabdiel doesn't even look at you this time, "you would put too much at stake by murdering Hector's niece" he tells Julio.

"Agustin is dead, Emilio is dead, Yashel was so close to death he made me promise to make sure Aaliyah never ended up on the streets" he shoves his gun back into his pocket. Stepping closer to Zabdiel he says "If I find out she did this, I'm making you kill her"

And with that he starts making his way back into the house, Zabdiel walks over to you looking back to make sure Julio has gone inside.

"Did you do this?" He asks You don't look at him so he knows the answer but he wants to hear you say it "you called someone last night when I went out to get food didn't you?"

You nod mutely "why didn't you tell me?" He questions "I didn't know if I could trust you," you tell him.

"I told you I would help you, but this, y/n Agustin and Emilio have families" guilt floods you.

"I just want to go home Zabdiel" you've repeated these same words you've been saying these past 2 days.

"I will get you home," he says but you still frown at him "I don't believe you" you shake your head

"Yesterday you told me you trusted me" his eyebrows scrunch together.

You blink at him "honestly?" you pause not really expecting an answer "I don't trust you because I know if he would've killed me I know you would've continued working for him, so as much as you try to convince me I still matter to you, I don't, not the same way I use too"

——————

Zabdiel took you back to his apartment, he lives alone, the place is clean but mostly empty, one couch and a tv in the living room, and just a bed and dresser in his room. There's no dining table to eat but he does have bar stools at the kitchen island.

Zabdiel tells you to take his bed while he sleeps on the couch in the living room, you don't respond in any way before he walks out leaving you alone.

His closet has sliding mirror doors and you sit on the bed you're sat looking at your reflection, your hair is up in a ponytail, and your eyes catch sight of the bruising around your neck.

Tears brim your eyes once again and you want to scream, you want to hurt Julio back, you want your mom.

As tears fall from your eyes the door to the bedroom opens once again.

"Oh" Zabdiel stops when he sees you tear-stained cheeks. You quickly wipe your face. "I- I'm just getting some clothes." He tells you, you nod and he enters the room walking to his dresser.

You're staring at the floor when Zabdiel stops his movements, "I wouldn't let him get away with killing you" he says making your head snap in his direction.

He turns to face you "you do matter to me y/n and-" he pauses "I was scared, I didn't know what to do I felt like if I moved or showed too much emotion he would shoot"

You don't respond and Zabdiel doesn't know what else to say when you look at his face you can tell he isn't making it up, he's telling you how he feels and it's genuine, just as he turns to walk out you speak"ok"

He turns around "I believe you, and I'm trusting you, please just help me get home" your voice is soft and vulnerable.

Zabdiel nods immediately "I will"

You give him a small closed mouth smile before he heads out of the room.

After a while of sitting there doing nothing your eyes wander around the room, you can see a piece of clothing sticking out the corner of his closed closet, without a second thought you stand from the bed and open the closet door, picking up the red long sleeve shirt and grab an empty hanger, as you're hanging the shirt your eyes catch sight of a stuffed sloth sitting on the closet shelf, with a small smile you reach out grabbing the familiar stuffed animal.

you run your hand over the fur, it's a lot softer than you remember. Simon the sloth was a stuffed animal you won at a carnival in 9th grade, you'd always jokingly call Zabdiel a sloth due to him always running on his own time, never in a rush so you gave it to him.

Just then Zabdiel walks in pausing at the entryway "you still have Simon" Zabdiel looks in embarrassed so you smile at him, it's the first time Zabdiel is seeing your smile again in years and his heart does a dance in his chest at the sight.

"I couldn't exactly throw it away, my best friend gave it to me," he says.

your smile turns a bit sad and before Zabdiel can find a way to fix it there's a knock at the front door.

you look back down to the sloth, the sense of familiarity makes you feel comfortable so instead of putting it back you place it on the bed before walking out into the living room.

There's a guy that you recognize as the same guy that was counting money in Julio office that day you we're taken.

"hi" he smiles at you and not so discretely looks over your body.

"y/n this is Chris" Zabdiel introduces you "Julio sent him"

you swallow "for what?" your anxiety rises. you notice Chris' eyes land on your neck before he steps forward making you step back but Chris ignores that looking over to Zabdiel.

"Julio did that?" Chris asks Zabdiel who nods in response.  

"fuck" Chris breathes out before his eyes travel up to meet yours.

"are you okay?" he asks shocking you, "i-" you start to speak but instead settle for a nod.

"we can trust him" Zabdiel tells you, chris looks confused.

"we're planning an out" Zabdiel tells his friend.

you notice how big Chris' eyes are so when they widen he looks like a cartoon character.

"I can help" Chris nods, "I want to too," he says to you "which is why I've been thinking" he turns so he can face both of you.

"why don't we just go to Los Lobos ourselves, take y/n and ask for some sort of protection," he says.

"what about my family?" you ask.

"Julio lost track of them this morning after the raid, I'm assuming your uncle has taken them somewhere safe, somewhere Julio can't find them." relief overtakes you and let out a breath you didn't know you were holding in.

"what about our families Chris?" Zabdiel points out.

Chris frowns like that thought hadn't occurred to him, "we need this plan to be flawless, so no one gets hurt" Zabdiel reminds him.

"I still thinking alley ourselves with los lobos is our best bet," Chris says.

Zabdiel nods. "maybe you're right but then we need to think of a way to get y/n to her family and get us out of this without julio becoming vengeful."

Zabdiel and you share a look both filled with uncertainty

------------------

TAGLIST - @wowvelez @nxjaii @cnchoebaby @girlbabyvelez @cnco-no-me-sueltes @tsnataly @singing-and-humming @prettyboypimentel @sensatescofield @fullprunerebelstatesman (let me know if you will like to be tagged)

AN

Hello I am back on my writing shit 

I only briefly looked over this while editing because I’m tired but

I hope you enjoyed

[pinkbubbles-and-bigtroubles]

Colour Me In (part 2)

In case you missed Part 1

Eliza walked into their shared apartment her hands flying in a flurry of explanation.

“I'm sorry I'm so late, let me feed Oliver and we'll get going,” she told her sister.

Maggie was having none of it. “Where were you? You were supposed to be here an hour ago. You told me you were taking Oliver you the park. Wait why are you smiling like that? What happened? You'd better tell me,” her sister was equal parts furious and curious.

“Okay okay calm down, have you ever heard of 5 seconds of summer?” Eliza asked her.

“The band? Yes of course, what's that got to do with anything?” Maggie was confused.

“The guy I told you about the other day, hot guy who gave me his number, turns out his name is Calum Hood,” she continued but her sister cut her off

“You're full of shit,” Maggie signed shaking her head.

Eliza pulled out her phone pulling up pictures and Maggie grabbed it in disbelief. Scrolling through she recognized the handsome man smiling next to her sister in the pictures, she even recognized his dog.

“You not only met Calum fucking Hood but you hung out with Duke too? Know that I completely understand why you were late but also what the fuck Ez?” Maggie was shocked and grinning like a madman.

“I want to know everything you know about him and his band. I'm meeting up with him again next week and I want to be prepared,” Eliza pleaded with her sister.

“I'll help you when we get back but just know I'm gonna hit on his friend Luke. I seriously can't believe you right now.”

After shopping the two of them settled in with some chai and Maggie made Eliza give her every detail going back to the first sighting at the cafe. Maggie was being overly dramatic with her reactions and Eliza was beaming and giggling. In the middle of all of this Calum texted her telling her she'd left behind Oliver's rope toy.

My sister refuses to believe I met someone as famous as Duke Hood.

Calum texted back quickly. A picture of him sitting next to Duke on the couch. Duke was chewing Oliver's toy and Calum held a post it that had Hi Maggie scribbled on it.

Maggie squealed throwing herself back on the couch almost spilling her iced tea. They were laughing so hard and carrying on they didn't notice their mother coming into the apartment until she was standing in front of them.

“GIRLS what is going on here. I can hear you ALL the way in my kitchen,” Beatriz was remarkable how she managed to speak louder with her hands than her voice.

Eliza took the lead, their mom was tougher on her sister, and she could usually deflect some of it.

“I'm sorry Mama but when I took Oliver to the park I met someone famous. I was telling Mags about it and we got carried away. Esp when I was showing her pictures of his dog. We'll be quiet,” Eliza watched her mom's curiosity win over her annoyance.

“Let me see this boy. Is it someone I know? How is he famous,” she took Eliza's phone scrolling through the pictures smiling at the dozen or so shots of Duke and Oliver. Her eyebrows shot up and Eliza knew she was looking at Calum the way her eyes glanced at Eliza's face.

“The dog is adorable and he's quite handsome. Maggie do you know who he is?”

Maggie nodded and she turned back to Eliza.

“Will you be seeing him again?”

Eliza shrugged “Well I'm gonna keep going to that park and he did give me his phone number. He's really nice but I'm sure he's busy enough being a rock star and all.”

Beatriz narrowed her eyes and looked back and forth between her girls. “I have a feeling you two are up to something. Be careful, now Maggie did you get what you needed today for your tournament?”

They chatted for a minute before their mom told them she was getting pizza and wanted them over for dinner.  She left and Maggie tapped Eliza to get her full attention.

“She's right about being careful. He could be a total fuckboy.”

Eliza's mouth dropped open and she looked hurt before bursting into giggles “of course he could be a fuckboy but if he is so WHAT? How much fun would that be?”

Maggie laughed along with her but quickly shushed them both. “True true, damn you're one lucky bitch. Now pull yourself together we gotta go deal with Mama.

That evening Calum declined Natasha's invitation to come out. He was still a bit annoyed about the hickey. More annoyed that he hadn't spotted it but he'd been in such a rush to get out of the house. He wanted to text Eliza but she'd left him on read and he didn't want to seem too eager. He'd managed to work out the alphabet, signing through his abc's. His mind was buzzing replaying the entire day in his head. It wasn't just that she was hot, although Calum definitely wanted to explore her curves and roam those hills. It wasn't just that she was different, he couldn't pretend her being deaf wouldn't present challenges if this progressed. That she wasn't impressed with him or have an agenda was something Calum hadn't experienced in a long time.

His phone buzzed just as he was making dinner.

My sister is incredibly jealous. Apparently you know somebody named Luke Hemmings and your band is kind of a big deal.

Calum chuckled looking at his phone.

Well Luke is quite pretty and I could see where your sister would be jealous of Luke. Hell, I'm jealous of Luke. He's really that pretty.

Eliza practically had Maggie trying to crawl into her lap trying to read Calum's texts.

“You sold me out to give yourself an excuse to text Calum” Maggie protested

“What if you get to make out with Luke” Eliza asked

“I'll take one for the team” Maggie grinned at her sister.

Almost as pretty as you

Eliza held her phone up and Maggie took and and laughed.

“If that's not a fuckboy move I don't know what is” Maggie signed and Eliza responded “I know right, give it back.”

You're decent looking yourself but we all know Duke is the superior Hood

Calum smirked at the message, she had sass, he liked that.

I'd be hurt by that statement but when you're right, you're right. Speaking of which he needs a bath. I'll talk to you soon.

Maggie and Eliza shared a look. This was gonna be interesting.

Eliza skipped the cafe Monday for a work meeting because one of their clients had acted a fool over the weekend and damage control was needed. Tuesday she got up extra early to spend a little more time getting ready just in case. She popped into Marian's for coffee and half a dozen muffins on her way to work, three white chocolate lemon and three butter toffee pecan.

Marian slid her a quick note with her change as she waited for her order.

Someone was in here looking for you yesterday

She shook her head as Marian handed her a large box and grinned nodding towards the door. Eliza saw Calum walking in, his face lighting up into a smile when he saw her.

She stepped to the side so that Calum could order and so she could set her stuff down out of the way and pull out her phone.

“Hello how are you” Calum signed and she thought she might faint right there.

“I'm good how are you” she replied.

“Good” he stopped and pulled out his phone

Sorry that's all I know so far

Eliza was over the moon, but tried to keep it together. He ordered quickly while she replied.

No that's fine. That's incredibly sweet. I'm just on my way to work. Damage control for a client.

Calum looked around the place was busy and they were a bit in the way. His order was ready so he walked her to her car.  She checked her phone.

Dinner sometime this week?

Eliza looked up at him he looked hopeful, and so ridiculously handsome.

I'm helping Maggie practice every evening to get ready, and I'm on call for work in case my client does something stupid. How about lunch Friday?

Calum was surprised but agreed instantly,

Of course just text me where and when, or just text me

He winked at her and bent down to give her a little hug he walked to his car and Eliza held it together until he'd pulled out of the parking lot. She fumbled for her phone and put it into the dash mount. Pulling up snapchat she freaked out telling Maggie about running into Calum, their upcoming lunch date, that he had used sign language.

“Mags I am shitting myself WTF is even happening? What do I do? Help ME,” Eliza got herself somewhat calmed down after sending it. Ignoring the strange looks from some passersby who probably thought she'd lost her mind she got settled and headed out to work. She set her phone to the side and spent several hours on social media going in through ghost accounts trying to change the conversation about their client and Eliza could see they were starting to turn things around. Now if their client could stop Snapchatting his balls to random females that would be awesome.

Eliza couldn't sleep Thursday night, the anticipation was making her jumpy. She told herself she was being ridiculous. Yes he was gorgeous, famous and charming but a fuckboy is a fuckboy. The sooner she got romance out of her head and back to reality the better.  She decided against trying to straighten her hair and Maggie helped her fashion two loose braids and then pinning them at the nape of her neck to give her a loose casual bun. She eyed her sister's dark waves with envy. Eliza's curls had a mind of their own but today they seemed to be cooperating. She decided on a burgundy wrap tunic with cream colored leggings and her favorite tan boots.

Calum was early and badly wanted a smoke to calm his nerves. He knew Eliza disliked the smell so he resisted and ordered a beer while he waited. Seeing her walk in did not help his nerves but he was thrilled to see her. After greetings they pulled out their phones, it was a little strange to have these quiet text dates, but Eliza didn't seem phased.

Eliza waved to the cook and server when she spotted them behind the line. She came here as often as she could. Not only was it known for its soups and sandwiches it was family owned. The owner/cook was deaf so most of the staff could sign. The server came over and greeted them and they both signed back but then the server asked Calum his name and he froze unsure of the question.

She asked what's your name, She can hear btw so you can just tell her.

“Oh ok” Calum said out loud, surprising the lady waiting on them. He opened his mouth to answer but paused,” that's the sign for name?” He repeated the gesture he'd just seem and both women nodded. He thought for a second then pointed to himself, signed “name” and then finger spelled C-a-l-u-m looking to Eliza to see if he'd done it correctly.

“Very good” she signed with a smile.

They each ordered a combo. Cal got a Monte Cristo and vegetable soup, while she got a Philly cheese steak with tomato bisque. Eliza insisted he try the iced green tea with mint and lime.

Waiting for their food he raised his eyebrows at her before hitting send

Should I be insulted that you gave me the same sign you give Oliver when he's done a trick. At least he gets a treat

Eliza grinned and reached in her purse,

You want me to balance it on your nose first?

Calum looked up from his phone to see her holding up a piece of candy between her fingers and rotating it in a circle the way she did for her dog.

He had to laugh at the smirk on her face she caught him up on the fallout from her client's antics.

So it's bad enough he was wanking on Snapchat but then he goes off on Twitter. Evie says I'm to monitor all his social media and clean out his DMs blocking any and all girls who sent him nudes. The kid is not only a massive knob but now the world knows he has one as well.

Calum just stared at her for a minute

Hold on, you work for Eve Rhodes AND You guys represent Zachary James? That kid is a fucking nightmare. I've also met your boss, she's terrifying.

Eliza nodded

Fair enough but once you get to know her she's slightly less terrifying. Here comes our food I'm starving

Calum turned to look

Omg that looks amazing. I wish I'd gotten a cheese steak. Can we trade bites?

Eliza looked at his food

You can have a bite but yours has ham and I don't eat pork.

Calum looked surprised but nodded as she set her phone down to pick up her sandwich.

Eliza had never hesitated to eat in front of guys. Her mother believed in good food and lots of it and without her sister's manic energy most of the women in her family were pleasantly plump. Sometimes she didn't want to talk or deal with anyone else, she just wanted to have a moment with her food.

Calum was distracted from his own meal watching the expressions on Eliza's face as she lost herself in enjoyment. It didn't help the sandwich was messy and she kept licking her fingers, making it difficult for him to swallow. The little sighs and mmmmms as she ate were getting him hard despite himself.

Eliza opened her eyes to offer him a bite and caught him staring at her so blatantly she almost choked. “Maybe he's ready to make a move,” Eliza thought but her heart sank as she noticed a pair of unmistakably pink COMME des GARÇONS x Nike Air Max 180 sneakers headed her way.

Kevin, her best friend, fashion diva, and drama queen was standing at her table seriously annoyed with her.

“Bitch  are you serious right now? Who is this man you are out with right now and why does he look so familiar?” Kevin signed, completely ignoring Calum.

“Can you not right now? His name is Calum I told you about him remember? You're being rude?” Eliza signed back.

“Ask me if I care? So this is dog boy from the park? He's almost cute” Kevin told her.

“Don't call him dog boy, it's Calum now I love you but kindly fuck off right now” Eliza was getting angry now.

“Fine” he signed before turning to Calum. “Nice to meet you Calum, I'm Kevin, Eliza's best friend, and you look very familiar for some reason,” he spoke to him quickly before walking off leaving Calum very confused. Calum watched him walk back to his own table. This Kevin guy DID look familiar.  They were about equal in height but Kevin was broader and more muscled. Strikingly handsome with light green eyes that contrasted with his deep golden tan skin tone, and dark hair straightened high into a quiff. Calum would be lying if he said he didn't feel a tiny bit threatened.

Apologies for that, I've known Kevin for years. He's like a protective older brother. He thinks he might know you.

Calum was trying not to glance back at the man he could feel staring at him he focused back on his food and trying to enjoy Eliza's company.

Don't apologize, it's fine. He does look familiar...does he work for a publicist or maybe in music?

Eliza laughed and shook her head.

Kevin? His most stylish highness the KVN? LOL Nooo he's a model but he works the door at a few bars between jobs.

Calum slowly raised his eyes from his phone meeting hers to see if she was teasing or maybe setting him up somehow.

Which bars? Do you and Maggie get out much?

Eliza finished the last of her sandwich before giving up on the spoon and just sipping the last soup

Emerald City is one so that's a NO

Calum laughed Emerald City was a notoriously pricey strip club

He also works at Lucky's and The Chelsea. We don't drink, and I hate crowds. Clubs aren't my thing, but Maggie loves live music so she gets out some.

Calum nodded but his mind wasn't on their conversation any longer.

“Lucky's?” Calum thought chewing slowly trying to think how to handle this. “Looks like I'm totally fucked.”

@wildhearthood @kiiiimberlyriiiicker1995 @biba3434 @cal-puddies @grittyisathot @angelbabylu @itstheholls @irwinkitten @5sos-ficssmut @cal-pal-cuddles @calumh-excess @1dthewantedlove @you-of-ghost @babygirlcashton @5-secondsofcolor

[abybweisse]

LONG VENT POST: Family issues, part 1 of ?

So, a bit ago I said I’m not as active right now, due to family issues. I didn’t want to fill the thread of that post with all the long, sordid details.

Right now I’m trying to get my mother into an “assisted living and memory care” community (nursing home, basically) and doing everything I can to stop her credit union accounts from hemorrhaging from all her incompetence (she’s been scammed a bunch and generally taken advantage of).

Yesterday’s biggest takeaway was the discovery of numerous scams she fell for over the past few years... plus three months worth of fraudulent Uber and Uber Eats charges... and the fact that she pays about $550/mo on car insurance but the last couple times (at least, maybe more) she got collision repairs done? She didn’t file claims and pay a $500 deductible. No, she paid in full, out of pocket. Out $7k instead of $1k for two repairs in just a few months’ time. How can you pay huge insurance premiums and never notify them when you need collision repairs?!

Found out just recently that about a couple years ago, someone scammed her for an easy $5k. Found out she never deposits the full amount on car payments I send her. She never makes full deposits on the rent a tenant pays her. Instead, she cashes much of them out, and I have no idea what she does with the cash.

She buys stuff in bulk but cannot use most of it before it goes bad, but she refuses to toss out expired foods. Her hoarding tendencies have gotten worse. Even though she tells my sister and I not to send her gifts that would add to the clutter in the house, I found out yesterday she’s been dropping $200-$300 on random stuff from places like TJ Maxx and Tuesday Morning just because they made her “happy”. She hasn’t even unpackaged the hanging glass butterflies or other things. I told her she can take them to the “home”....

She’s wrecked two brand new Priuses (about $30k each, each paid up front/in full with inheritance money from my dad, who died five years ago) within about two years’ time. The first was “totaled”, but I have yet to verify whether she ever opened a claim to get money for it. This one hasn’t been officially declared totaled or repairable. I had to file the claim on it on her behalf. For all I know, the $550/mo premium might be on both cars. I’ll know for sure soon. If she’s been paying insurance on a car that was “totaled” two years ago instead of getting market value of about $22k, I will definitely break down and cry. For at least the 50th time in the past few days. Seriously, if she just found out the previous one couldn’t be fixed and walked away from it without filing a claim and getting the huge payout... and is therefore also still paying for insurance on it? I’ll probably scream, too.

The latest (and last ever) car wreck was last Wednesday. We’ve been telling her for over a year she shouldn’t be driving. Her doctors have told her the same for at least 6mo. My sister and I were planning to visit her and take away her keys, but the wreck happened before we could even finalize our travel plans.

This time, she was trying to get to dialysis (she goes three days a week), and she couldn’t use Uber anymore, so she was determined to drive herself. Just before 5 am, she was driving down her own residential street and blacked out (apparently) and hit three parked (and unoccupied) vehicles. Police showed up and she got out of her car and told them she needed a ride to dialysis. One of the officers took her. She can’t recall hitting three cars. Told me she hit a curb and one car. Later told someone else she only hit a curb. I don’t know anything about the curb, but probably. However, I definitely believe the police report that three parked cars were hit badly and had to be towed away, too. After the police spoke to her tenant, they said they’d make things easier for us and revoke her license. Phew.

I convinced dialysis staff (actually, they completely agreed without question) to send her to hospital afterwards instead of letting yet another friend take her home. Good thing, too, because before dialysis was even up that morning, she was in a lot of pain; she had told them earlier she didn’t need to be looked at. Well... no broken bones, no major injuries, and her labs were ok except slightly low potassium. However, a brain scan showed something I already knew just by dealing with her: it showed ischemic changes associated with dementia. Monday of that week, I had called her renal doctor to tell him I worried about her mental health and wondered if it had anything to do with the renal failure. He said he didn’t think so; it’s got to be something else causing the mental decline we are seeing. When I told him she’s still driving sometimes, he became furious and said he’d refer her to get a full dementia evaluation. Well, before he could even get the referral to her, she’d wrecked again. He’s seen her now, but I haven’t heard any updates from him. Mom says she hasn’t done the evaluation (that she knows of), and she heard someone at the hospital mention “dementia”, but she doesn’t recall what they said about it. 😔

I didn’t take photos when I finally saw her car, but I’m going back up to Dallas tomorrow and staying in a Motel 6 overnight (with my dog) to take care of as much financial matters for her as I can in these next two days. I’ll get another chance to see the car (to clean out items), so I’ll take pics then. I might not get back to Austin until sometime Wednesday. Not sure about Wednesday yet, but I already requested Monday and Tuesday off from work by email and left a vm with coworkers. I’m about to run out of annual leave because of this. I know I’ll be making many weekend trips coming up until my sister and I have gotten her moved into the nursing facility. And for a while afterwards, too, since we have to clean out the house, put some of her stuff into a storage unit, and sell the house ASAP. Plus, we need to visit often, at least at first, to make sure she’s settled in, isn’t hating it too much, and is being taken care of properly.

It’s a good thing my sister is paying for my hotel charges and has also offered gas money (though I haven’t asked for gas money... yet). This is still way cheaper for her than booking herself flights back and forth between Olympia, WA and Dallas, TX. The more leg work I do on this, the happier my sister is to help with my travel costs. Honestly, she really doesn’t want to come down here until it’s time to move our mom, clean the house, and put it up for sale.

And, since we have so little time to get her affairs in order, we are placing her in the only community my mom and I have toured, so far. I told her if it turns out to not be a good place (at all) once she moves in, we can keep looking at others (while she still lives at that one) and move her again. But, honestly, this place does seem nice enough, and none of these places are perfect. Plus, it’s right next to the hospital where she always goes... the one where her doctors are associates. I joked that if they needed to send her to the hospital, they could put her on a gurney and wheel her down the street. She laughed at that and said the location is perfect.

Sigh. She’s being compliant and has even said thanks for us (her two daughters) stepping up to help her and get things taken care of. We were afraid she would refuse to leave her house of almost 40years. She’s not even batting an eye at us deciding to sell the house to make sure she can afford the rent and services (the suites at the community are rented out like apartments, but with three meals a day and unlimited snacks, weekly cleaning service, weekly laundry service, landline phone, cable, and internet included. We will have to pay more for “memory care” and probably for medical transport they provide (unless that’s included, too), plus whatever else. She might take her cat with her, or she might leave him with a friend of the family. But it’s a one-time, non-refundable fee of $500 if she keeps him. I kind of hope she gives him up, and they just bring him along on visits to her. She would have trouble taking care of him.

She’s never shown me her finances before. We had no idea how bad (completely uncontrolled) her spending was. It was probably bad enough before our dad died, but afterwards, she started going downhill fast. Now she’s in renal failure and requires dialysis three days a week. She’s recently lost an unhealthy amount of weight in a very short time, apparently because she can’t remember to eat and sometimes she’s too disoriented to get up. She can’t cook anymore, and she’s hardly done cleaning chores since she had kids (that’s what us kids were for: housework). So she’s a money-wasting hoarder in a house full of dirty dishes, dirty clothes, clutter everywhere, and $100’s — maybe $1000 worth — of groceries she can’t get through but won’t throw out when they go bad. And she won’t let anyone else touch them while she’s still living there.

I have so much to do the next couple days, I had to write a list of each thing I need to look into and take care of before I return home. I still have some stuff to get ready for the trip, so this is the end of the first vent post.

I hope I get more sleep tonight than I have the past week....

[polygamyff]

14. Part 2

Placing my phone in my bag, staring down at my wedding ring. I stare at this thing everyday, I want to get rid of it but I can’t, I refuse to be thrown to the side while he has some woman pregnant, I want what is mines. I will fight him for this, he better give me what I want. He’s now ignoring my calls, I am staying in California until we sort this out. Even if my mom is concerned for me, she thinks I am up to something which I am. I am just angry, he fucks other women and now he’s stuck on one, out of them all. I thought in my mind we had an agreement to this, he did what he pleases but he comes back to me. I love him so I wanted to make him happy, but I guess it was no use. I question why I am on this earth, what use am I. Picking my bag up from the bed, I can lie my way through this. My dad thinks I am doing something so good here which is bullshit, I am just waiting for my husband to tell him the fuck he is doing. Dragging the door open and stepping out “if I knew you was going to make me late for work I wouldn’t have even stayed with you, come on” I jerked back into my room, closing the door a little more. I know the voice “it was Malik, he wouldn’t wake up. I have to take him with me” I clenched my teeth together “you had a shower, I said don’t. Come back and do it, I am late for work which is bare minimum. They said I am doing reduced work because of me not being well” poking my head around to see, she is really still around and slept in his room. She was just next door to me, how hard it was for me to get a penthouse suite on my own and not with my husband “Malik, get out. Blame Robyn we leaving early” she gripped his arm, watching her grab his face “I told you I had work in the morning, you said but stay with me and I will take you, did you not?” look at his goofy smile, he never once smiled with me, interacts with me in such a way. I would be walking behind him, not speaking. She kissed his lips and I had to look away “I did but Malik, don’t worry about it. She made everyone late, she wanted to save water” looking back over at them, Malik closed the room door “y’all nasty, so it is Robyn wanting sex that made herself late, blaming us” she hit his arm but he laughed it off as they walked off, his arm wraps around her shoulder. My eyes welled up, I shouldn’t feel this hurt but I do.

Robyn’ place of work is so damn far, now I get what she means but it was nice to have Robyn in bed with me. I am happy she said yes, my eyes are still sore from yesterday but to just wake up with Robyn in my bed was good “come here” patting the seat “why you sitting so far, I won’t annoy you” that’s all I been doing “I am going to miss you, forget it I will come to you” shuffling across the seat “I am just thinking” reaching over and putting the window up and then placing my arm around Robyn “about what?” pressing a kiss to the side of her head “that I could get used to morning sex, sorry I blamed you. You was just the easiest option” I chuckled “I knew that, I take it. But I am only at work from nine until three, which is good. They supportive since being pregnant, then I am meeting Leon and we are going to start buying things for the apartment” she is doing a lot today “make sure you rest though, eat too. My baby told me it likes to eat a lot” Robyn smiled staring at me all confused “you made that up, but are you ok after yesterday? It was a lot and I didn’t want to just leave you like that” resting my head against the side of her face, she placed her hand on the side of my cheek “I am good, I am happy. I am going to go to Texas. Move my things out to storage, I am moving closer to you. Don’t be jealous when you see my place” Robyn scoffed “I ain’t jealous of shit because I know where you will be” moving my head back to look at Robyn “where is that huh?” she is so confident in that “in this pussy, I know you” laughing at Robyn knowing me so well, she poked my dimple with her finger.

I am happy I dropped her off at work now, I know where she works and which department to come too “I wanted to ask, does Leon have the money to even buy things with you?” I don’t want Robyn paying for all of that “it’s difficult, it’s always been just him and his mom and his half siblings, there is no man in the house if you know what I mean. His mom works two jobs, they live if you get me. He has been always wanting to move with me, he has saved money for it but it’s not the most. I don’t judge him, he’s my friend. I only ask for his love and loyalty from him, we grew up different but went to the same school, college together. He hasn’t grew up in the best situation but he tries, he works at Sprint and gets the minimum” nodding my head “ok, I am working on getting rid of Ally. I could have him as my assistant but I don’t see him working, working. My hotel is far from where you are, I will sort something out for him. I know a lot of people here, doesn’t matter about his grades or what he is. He makes you happy, so I’m happy” Robyn cooed out “awww Maurice, thank you for looking after my friend, he means no harm. Aww baby” Robyn wrapped her arms around my neck “come back from Texas as soon as ok? You can help me do my apartment up” she really making me work “I will be back and I got you, you’re my girl, have a good day at work too” pressing a kiss to her neck as I moved back “thank you, I love you” pressing a kiss to her lips “I love you too” leaning down “and you have a good day at work too” touching Robyn’ stomach “stop it, you do that in private” she said through gritted teeth like I care, that’s my baby in there.

Closing my car door “gentleman, nice to see you all. I want you to gather everything and take it out. Everything gone from this house. You take the vans and give it to charity, there is nothing of mine in that house that I need so have fun and do what you need to do” looking over at Malik, he smirked at me. The group of men just walked off, Noami lives here so she will come back to an empty home with a for sale sign on. She shouldn’t have called my child a bastard, all her things are going to be gone while she wants to be in California stalking my ass, maybe she should have stayed her ass here. Malik laughed shaking his head “Mr Davenport, I am Sarah” shaking her hand “I want a quick sale, do what you need to do. I mean everything will be cleaned out, there is no memories here so don’t worry” she smiled “that is fine, I will go inside and do what I need to do” I want to get this done so I can go to my parent’ home and get things on the road with that “she is going to die, she wants to keep this a secret and you like fuck it” turning to Malik “she called my child a bastard, this what she gets. Strike one, she can now explain to her parents why she is moving” she don’t run shit, I run it.

I left Malik there to overlook while I get this done “there is a storage unit in California, put these cars in there. When needs be I will get them there” I said speaking to the guy loading my cars “what is this Maurice? Making a mess of my front yard” it’s the man himself “moving, that is what. You have the home to yourself now” my dad is not happy “you know those times where I came here every week, not happening. I am moving to California, you can come and see me but book in an appointment and Adam, he’s a good kid. He looks just like us, you have strong genes dad” walking off “Maurice, please tell you’re not moving” my mom said with those ugly ass dogs “yes I am mom, it’s time to move on. I like it California and I have a life there” my mom grabbed my face with her hands “my baby, but I love you all coming home. That is what I enjoy” she is hurting my face “and that can still happen, I will be back now and then. I will be back even more if dad died” my mom sighed out “but where is Malik, he is staying right?” shaking my head “he is staying with me, I am looking after him, I put him in rehab, I want him to actually have love. Mom you too into you, you don’t know how to deal with that. I love you mom, I do but being a mother was never your forte, we know” my mom couldn’t say much because I am right.

Lighting my blunt thinking if I should take everything from my room “you actually went to Germany then?” moving the blunt back from my lips “you damn right I did dad, I know if you was well enough you would beat my ass but I know that can’t happen. Why lie?” turning to him, looking down at my blunt lighting the blunt again “you think I get by in life by telling the truth, he is nothing to me. I gave them money so they should be happy, I hate his mother and I would never let them have anything. I love Joy, I want her to have the world. I love my two boys and daughter” looking up at my dad “but that’s wrong, that’s your seed! I hate Noami but me, I would love that child but that bitch ain’t giving me shit. So now what? What do you want?” he in my room for what “I wish you listened to me at times, I took you everywhere. I showed you love but you just disobey me everytime” he for real trying to be emotional with me “I get it, you did. You showed me more love than Malik and Nalah, thank you dad but I grew up. I saw the lies, the lies is what makes me hate you. The fact you made my life yours, you could have made it different for me but you didn’t. I have feeling, even in death you will probably haunt me. I wish you was a better person, but you are not me” my dad is fucked up in the mind.

I thought I would meet up with Shawn while I am here “father of the year” he hollered out, shaking my head laughing “come here” Shawn hugged me “how you been? It’s good to see you’re happy, I know that there is no shit happening or you would be calling me” moving back from the hug “everything is blessed, I couldn’t ask for more Shawn. Robyn and I are working through it, I am just happy. I am moving to Cali, it’s working out” Shawn clapped his hands “I am so happy for you, Maurice. Oh my god, this is beautiful. I am happy for you. So the baby is good? Robyn good? Life good?” placing my hand over my heart “all good, I am just happy that Malik and you know. This baby is about to be the best thing to happen” my phone started ringing “you got your crib yet?” he asked, shaking my head answering the call “what do you want?” Noami been trying to call me “when are we meeting again? Or you too busy” she thinks she runs the show “I am in Texas, the home is for sale. Just picking my things up. I was thinking, should I get an apartment or a mansion for my bastard child? What you thinking?” the phone line went dead silent “I know what you said, Naomi I am ain’t playing strike fucking one. Your shit is down the charity store, the home is for sale so explain to your family why, make sure you make up a good lie. You told me to find a woman that will love me and I have, so pull up that contract before things get messy. And Naomi, if I hear you breath Robyn’ name or talk down to my child. It won’t be just your things taken, it will be your dignity. You can talk down to me but not them, so thank you for the call but I am busy” disconnecting the call “holy shit, we have so much to talk about! Oh my god!” Shawn is screaming outside his place of work like a damn monkey.

How terrible is this, like I can see the pouch. I mean I am not upset about it but I wanted to keep it a secret for longer, I bet this baby is going to be huge and that will be Maurice’ fault, I don’t know if he was a big child but I will assume he was. While I can, I am going to wear my tight fitting clothes. I should start packing while I have some time, Leon is late as per usual. Stores will closed by the time he comes along, grabbing my jacket from the bed. Smiling at the Burberry bag, I am not even lying with that being the most expensive thing in my wardrobe now. I can’t wait to wear it, I want to wear it before I get big so he better take me on a damn date, soon. Walking down the steps, I am sad I have to leave my home. Even if my dad is trying to tell me to stay it’s final, he pushed me towards that. I am not trying to punish my parents but my dad needs to know he can’t talk to me like that, and it does look like he will have to accept Maurice “still waiting for Leon?” my mom sad “yes, you know him. Once my apartment is all cute, you have to come and see” my mom poked her lips out at me “I am sad you’re going but you’re bedroom is always here, we will make the spare room into a room for my grandchild. I want to look after her” pulling a face “her? Since when, but mom you are the babysitter. Trust me” she is the only one “I am so very excited for you, for your journey. I am just predicting, a girl. They are so precious” sitting down on the stool in the kitchen “same, I am aching though. Maybe it was early but my stomach is hurting” I hate it, but it’s my body changing.

Watching my mom layer the lasagne “it looks so nice, can’t wait to eat now” I am going to kill Leon, he is so useless “well I put some away for you, are you feeling ok though? Even though you are aching?” nodding my head “I feel fine, I feel whole. Mom, I have something to say” my mom is being more open minded with Maurice so I feel I want to tell her “yes baby” sighing out “so, last night I was with Maurice. I stayed with him, I decided to stay with him. It’s complicated but he wants me, he wants to be with me. I love him so much, as much as he needs me I need him. He was truthful to me and I cried but it was weird, I wasn’t crying for me. My heart was crying because of him, he was hurting. I get these moments and it scared me so much, I saw his wife too. Mom they are so evil towards him, like she was trying to tell me to go. To go for what? So you can continue to be evil towards him, you know when you live just because, that’s Maurice. So we spoke, I told him I am sticking by you. Love is never perfect, whoever said it was perfect are liars and it was never real. Real love is giving yourself to the person that gave himself to you, mom he gave himself to me and he barely knew me” my mom stared at me, she looks a little speechless “wow, you really found your soul partner. Your other half, that is so beautiful and I am happy you told me this. I don’t like to know you lied to me, I understand Robyn. I understand that he has been through what he has. I just don’t want my daughter hurt but you know what you are doing. So you are both together then?” I can easily speak to my mom “yes we can, we taking it as it is. I don’t feel like what we have should have a title because we know what we are in our hearts, I am still staying in the apartment and he is staying in his. I am thankful you raised me this way, because if I was not like you so open minded and accepting then any bitch would leave in a heart beat so thank you mom” she did raise me like this “I don’t think I will tell your dad but I am over the moon that you have found love, it’s beautiful” nodding my head, she is damn right it is.

Leon has yet to say sorry for being late, he is busy singing to Nicki Minaj. I wish he could drive because I would make him drive “wait!” he spat turning the music down “I didn’t tell you, guess who is back in California? Tiffany” that is not good news “she called you?” Tiffany doesn’t call me anymore, she is just a bitch “she did, she was like we should meet up. She wants to see our apartment, she goes oh I can have sleepovers I was like. Well I didn’t say, but I wanted to say bitch where? We got the baby, we have Maurice, then where? Me and his brother, like he can sleep in my bed I am not selfish on that” I giggled at Leon “he’s not gay, leave him be ok? But she doesn’t know shit, do not tell her anything about me being pregnant. So I am guessing she wants to meet?” I was wishing she didn’t, turning off on the highway “yes boo, she does. She said Kellen is here too, the whole crew back together I guess” how exciting.

Leon is embarrassing me “will you stop doing that, jumping on the beds” he says that he needs to test them out “I am only seeing if the the thing is comfortable” if we get kicked out of Ikea because he keeps doing it “I don’t see why your man needs to get another place, clearly he going to be all up under you every day” he is not wrong “it’s up to him, he can do what he likes. I am happy he is allowing me to stay there, don’t’ be shocked in a couple of months we moving. He did say you are coming with, also Leon he was thinking about you, not sexually” Leon was about to say “oh, ok. Tell me more?” walking slowly with Leon “he just said that he will get you a job, he knows people. He did say he would you his assistant buy you don’t know how to behave but he said he will find you something, how nice is that? I want my friend doing well” Leon giggled aloud “oh my gosh, this is so amazing. I wonder what he is going to do to me though, my gosh. He is so cute Robyn, someone thinking of me. He doesn’t have too but I do feel bad, I don’t like taking off anyone you know me. I do my own, I just need someone to take pity on me” Leon just wants an easy life “well Maurice has taken pity on you so you better be nice to him, he has a beautiful heart” just like that my phone started ringing, digging into my bag “I never said he didn’t, just don’t like when my friend is stressed and I was thinking we could beat his wife up, I didn’t know but if I did I would beat her ass” Maurice is calling me “I feel like she would actually beat your ass” answering the call.

“Hello, mi hombre” Maurice gasped “Bonita, what is this? Who learnt you this?” god I miss his face “I am learning, trying too. Seeing as you won’t help me” he just wants to always catch me off guard “did I not tell you? I will teach you Spanish while in Spain, give me the word? We can go right now” he is crazy “stop it, we will go Spain soon. I always wanted to go New Zealand, I just really wanted to go there. My parents was eventually going to take me but we going Alaska, I think that is on hold after my announcement” I don’t think we will be going now “we can have our wedding there, I don’t mind” my heart jumped “stop it, talking about that. Have you ever been?” talking about marriage already “no, even though we have hotels there. My dad still runs them, I don’t have a say. If you want to go, tell me. Just like with Paris thing, if you want to go tell me. If you going away, go when you’re not heavily pregnant” look at him, he already thinking “you’re so adorable, what are you doing there?” it seems quiet “I am in bed, I am tired” pulling a face “you’re in bed? Wow, I am in Ikea, picking out a bed but Leon keeps on jumping on them” I am shocked he is in bed already “you better pick out a nice ass bed babe, something that will be able to hold us when we having sex” I knew it, I knew he would say that.

[winchesterprincessbride]

The Parent Trap-Part 1

Pairing: Sam X past reader, Sam X Ruby (currently)

A/N: Did you like the movie “The Parent Trap” as a kid? It is one of my favorite movies! I decided to write my own version, with a Supernatural twist, of course!

Summary: Mary Winchester and Annie Campbell meet at summer camp, and they quickly realize they look too much alike for it to be a coincidence.  They are twins! Their parents, Sam Winchester and Y/N Campbell divorced 12 years before, each taking custody of one girl.  Now Sam lives in California and Y/N in New York.  The girls hatch a plan to bring their parents back together, but will Sam’s new fiancee ruin their plans?

Word Count: 1770

Robert Singer had been doing divorce arbitration for many years and he had pretty much seen it all.  Couples who were once in love reduced to fighting over pets and vacation homes, and others whose hatred ran so deep they refused to give an inch.

Some came to see him because they thought arbitration was a quick and cheap way to get a divorce.  He could spot them right away and usually sent them packing.  Most couples he forgot about once he filed the papers, and he never lost a night’s sleep.

In all his years of practice, he had never had a case like the Winchesters. They were so young. They clearly loved each other and were in terrible pain. He often thought of them and wondered if they had thrown in the towel too soon.

“This is highly irregular.  Are you sure about this?” He asked after reading the documents.

“We are.” Sam Winchester assured him, not looking at his wife.

“But splitting them up? Not telling them they have a sister? A twin no less?” Bobby said incredulously.

“I’m moving back to New York, Mr. Singer. Sam is staying here in California. This is what we came up with. We each get one daughter, and we never see each other after this.” You said quietly.

“You understand you are signing away complete parental rights for the minor child Mary Elizabeth Winchester?” He asked you.  “You understand Sam will have full custody with no visitation, and you will have no say in any decisions on her behalf?”

You nodded jerkily, tears sliding down your cheeks. He turned to Sam.

“And you are signing away your complete parental rights for the minor child Ann Marie Winchester?  Y/N will have full custody, with no visitation, and you will have no say in any decisions on her behalf?”

Sam nodded, his eyes sad.

“Campbell.” You said suddenly. “I’m going back to my maiden name. She will be Annie Campbell.” Sam looked completely blindsided. as though you had hit him upside the head with a two-by-four.

Bobby sighed deeply. “If you are sure this is what you want.....”

ANNIE “Annie Campbell, if you are not downstairs on the count of three, that phone of yours is mine, I mean it! The Uber is here, you are going to miss your flight!” 

As much as you loved your daughter, you were looking forward to a month of me-time. She may only be twelve, but hormones had not been your friend this year. She was at turns sullen, angry and defiant.  She was growing up too fast, and you wanted her to be a kid for one more summer.

When you made the decision to get her out of the city and send her to Michigan to the summer camp you yourself attended as a child, Annie was furious. 

“Camp Blue Lake? Wasn’t that the name of the camp in Friday the 13th?” She said sourly. “You want to send me to some place where I may get murdered?”

You gave her an exasperated look. “That was Camp Crystal Lake, wise-ass, nice try.”

She finally came stomping down the steps, dragging her zebra-print suitcase behind her.  “I’m here.  Don’t get your panties in a wad!”

“Watch your mouth, young lady, you haven’t left yet, I can still ground you!” You snapped irritably, your patience completely gone. The Uber driver gave you a sympathetic smile as he put Annie’s bag in the truck.  You held the door open for her and she slid inside, and you climed in next to her.

“I know you aren’t thrilled about this, Ann, but just give it a chance. I have so many great memories of that camp. I learned to swim there. I ate my first s’more there, I kissed my first boy there......”

Annie’s head snapped up. “You kissed a boy? This I gotta hear!”

You grinned and ruffled her hair. “Maybe when you're older. I loved that place, Annie, I really did.  Some of the best summers of my life were spent there. The snack stand has the best chocolate milkshakes.  They were my favorite, so make sure you try one.”

This elicited a small smile.  “I will, Mom.”

 “So I will get you on the plane, and a staff member from the camp will meet your plane in Michigan.  I’m gonna miss you, baby.” 

For a brief second, Annie looked like she might cry. “I’m gonna miss you too, Mom.” She said very quietly.

“I made life-long friends at that camp. I met Aunt Mona there, and she’s one of my best friends to this day. Maybe you will make a special friend there too.”

Mary

“It’s not too late to back out, Sweetheart.” Sam Winchester told his daughter as he placed his suitcase in the trunk of his BMW.

“She’ll be fine, Sammy. You have to let her grow up sometime.” Your Uncle Dean said with a grin as he pulled Mary in for a hug.

“It’s fine, Dad. I want to go. You’ll be fine. You have Uncle Dean to keep you company.” A look passed between the brothers, but Mary didn’t notice.

“But now Ivy isn’t going.......” Sam said helplessly.

Mary’s best friend Ivy had been going to camp Blue Lake since third grade. Her mother went there when she was young, and they raved about it.  Mary’s dad was super protective, and finally this year he had relented and said she could go with Ivy.

But last week Ivy had broken her leg in two places after falling off the trampoline. She had a cast that ran the entire length of her leg.  She could only get around in a wheelchair, so her Mom didn’t feel comfortable sending her to camp.

As soon as Sam heard the news, he told Mary she wasn’t going either. To his surprise, she said she still wanted to go.  She was on the shy side, so that was pretty out of character for her.

Mary reached down and hugged the large Pit Bull that jumped excitedly around her legs.  “You’ll take good care of Juliet while I’m gone, right Dad?”

Sam smiled fondly at her. “Of course I will, Honey.”

“You need to let her sleep with you because she will be lonely at night without me, okay? Mary was very protective of the dog she had raised from a puppy.

“Promise you’ll call me?” She had so much of him in her, but she was starting to look like her mother it and it made his heart ache.

“I promise, Dad.” She said, hugging him tightly.

“Promise you will do something fun while I’m gone? Don’t work constantly.  This is a vacation for you too, you know.”

“I promise not to be a workaholic, Mary. Now we need to go.” Sam started the car and drove down the long driveway and down the street.  Mary looked back and waved to Dean and Juliet until both of them were out of sight.

“So you remember the plan?” Sam asked his eyes on the road.

“Yes Dad, we’ve gone over it a million times. Someone from the camp will meet me in the airport in Michigan and take me to the camp. I got it.” Mary watched the beautiful scenery of Southern California pass by as they headed to the airport.

“This is just the first time you have been away for so long, Mare,” Sam whispered.

“I know, Dad. it’s only for two weeks. I’ll be back before you know it.”

If you need me for any reason, you’ll call, right?” Sam said for at least the fifth time.

Mary rolled her eyes. “Yes, Dad.  Do they have a camp for adults? If they do, you need to go.”

Mary’s flight was uneventful, and the flight attendant helped her get her stuff. When she exited the plane, there was a young woman holding a sign that said, “Camp Blue Lake.”

Mary walked up to her. “Hi, I’m Mary Winchester.  I think you’re here for me?”

The girl’s eyes widened. “But aren’t you from New York?”

“Um...no.  I’ve lived in California all my life.” Mary told her, confused by her response.

The girl shook her head.  “I’m Sally.  I swear I picked you up yesterday.  But whatever.  Let’s go and get your bags.”

After getting Mary’s checked bag, they walked to the parking lot to a van that said, Camp Blue Lake on the side.

“Sorry, you had to come to pick me up. I bet there aren’t many kids who fly in to go to camp.” Mary said sheepishly.

Sally shrugged. “You’d be surprised. Kids come from all over. We have a lot of kids whose parents came.  This camp has been around forever.”

Mary and Sally made small talk, and before she knew it, they were heading up a bumpy dirt road surrounded by trees.  Sally parked in front of a real log cabin.  “Grab your stuff, and let’s get you checked in. Lunch is in 20 minutes.”

Mary was quickly checked in and given her cabin assignment, Evergreen Cabin.  Sally walked you up the hill to the cabin and opened the door. It was filled with girls talked and hanging out. “Hey, guys.  Our last camper has arrived, all the way from California.  Everyone say hi to Mary Winchester.”

“There is an empty bunk over here.” A voice commented.

“Perfect. Mary, go get settled in. “Lunch is in 20, girls.” Sally walked out and closed the door behind her.

"So you’re from Southern California?” Someone asked. “What part?”

“San Diego,” Mary responded.

“I’m Jill, this is Kathy and Leah.  Welcome to Evergreen. Is this your first year?” They looked like they had been here before.

“Yep. I was supposed to come with my friend Ivy, but she broke her leg.” Mary told them.

“Ivy’s not coming? Bummer.” One of them said.

Mary walked with them to the dining hall since she had no idea where she was going. After getting her food, she searched the hall for her new friends. Spotting them, she headed their way when an unfamiliar voice said, “Holy Shit!” 

A girl jumped up in front of her, and when she saw her, she was so startled, she dropped her tray, and it clattered to the ground. Everyone looked, and Mary’s face turned bright red with embarrassment.

It was like looking into a mirror. Mary’s chocolate brown hair was longer, but they had the same hazel eyes and the same dimples.  Even the shape of their face was the same.

“Who the hell are you, and why are you wearing my face?” The girl demanded

Part 2.

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[kathillards]

rangerstop day two

HOLY FUCKING SHIT THE MEGAFORCE RANGERS SHOUTED US OUT AT THEIR PANEL AZIM TOLD EVERYONE ABOUT A GROUP OF FRIENDS FROM ALL OVER THE COUNTRY WHO MET BECAUSE OF POWER RANGERS AND POINTED AT US AND THE MEGAFORCE RANGERS ALL CHEERED AND TOLD US TO STAND UP OH MY GOD

uhhh sorry how do i move on from that how do i even think about anything else. the panel room was CROWDED people were FILMING kat and tabby had gone up to ask questions (which were HUGE hits) and come back and sat down AND THEN AZIM SAID THAT in the middle of a question about. i dont even fucking remember. something about what great community values power rangers has or something? and i guess we were related to power rangers being a community or whatever but bitch. BITCH. he said it and like pointed at us and they all started clapping (this sounds fake as hell i know BUT THERES VIDEO PROOF SOMEWHERE???) and everyone turned to look at us and we were like hi and then like two minutes later azim went “oh wait i have to make a correction, its not a group of girls its three girls and one guy because i think abigail isnt here? right?” and we were like ya so uh moral of the story... azim rizk i would murder ten hundred men for you

ok other things happened too, this will probably not be in chronological order bc i cant think right now 

- mike ginn stopped when he saw me and looked for tabby who was hiding behind me when she saw him and he looked around for tabby and did his pointing thing again and it was so cuuute

- kat was talking to christina about how we avoided the cast all day yesterday and she was like “yes but i saw you anyway ;) and i was wondering when you’d come over to say hi!” shes so CUTE and then they talked about her rescue puppy and she was so happy to talk about her puppy

- ciara and christina made ben sign the art presents he gave them, ciara did it first and christina was like OMG WHY DIDNT YOU AUTOGRAPH MINE and made him sign hers too

- christina and i did a WHOLE photoshoot we did a normal pic then a silly pic but then she didnt like so we did a kissy face pic and she was like “oh i think i did a duck face” and im like thats ok so did i AND OUR PICS ARE SO CUTE AND SHE HUGGED ME SO TIGHT I. WOULD. DIE. FOR. YOU. CHRISTINA. MASTERSON.

- selwyn called tabby his girlfriend when i showed up without her he was like “wheres my girlfriend” bc he remembered us from last night and then she came over and he was like THERE YOU ARE and gave her a free selfie (and signed her space dvd with “tj is the real leader of in space” but refused to X out andros’ face bc that was mean) and he covered up najee’s face on her kevin t-shirt and then was upset bc it looked like he was touching her chest and tracy lynn laughed at him over it AND THEN HE TOLD US TO COME TO THE TGIF IN THE HOTEL AFTERWARDS BC THE RANGERS WERE GONNA GO THERE AND GET DRUNK AND HE INVITED US TO HAVE DRINKS W/ HIM but we stood him up because... we are tired... he was like “yeah we have this stupid vip dinner but like we’re gonna try to leave early and just go get fucking smashed” and we were like ur so valid selwyn. i love you.

- kat showed azim my tweets defending megaforce and he had to put the phone down to run his hands through his hair and be like “wow that was such a specific takedown” and kat was like “yeah she just says this shit all the time bc shes seen megaforce five hundred times” and he was like “she was so detailed though she didnt just say ‘you suck’ she put THOUGHT into her takedowns” 

- (later when he signed my super megaforce green print he called me “my sista in social media smackdown!!!” complete with that many exclamation points)

- brennan said “i like your hat” to ben five times and he also signed tabby’s as well with his three catchphrases (she asked for him to write “awesome!” and he was like “i had more lines than that....”) he also told us he and the dino charge team were invited back for a dc/nsteel teamup but they kept cancelling them bc of budget reasons till it was just him and yoshi and he was finally like “i told them to just bring yoshi back because like thats his brother” and i was like “but then they didnt even INTERACT” and he was like “i KNOW”

- tabby’s tracy story: she asked tracy if it was uncomfortable fighting in crop tops and short skirts and tracy said “it wasnt uncomfortable but it was hard to not show everything” and she was like “idk why a power ranger would dress like that” and tabby told her ashley should have her own fashion line of athletic wear for fighter girls and tracy was like YES and tabby said she should have been leader of turbo bc she was into cars and tracy said that when they told her that ashley was gonna have a car plot she was like “ew no i dont want to touch greasy car oils” but that she was happy that ashley got to challenge herself

- kat was standing around azim the entire morning and he was introducing her to everyone who came up to him like she was his handler and at one point accidentally implied that she was his girlfriend and kat was like no im not and he was like “oh whoops it did kinda sound like that...” and his actual handler was like “why did u correct him” and kat was like “NO I LOVE HIS GIRLFRIEND” 

- when i was taking my pics w/ the megaforce cast and andrew was the sweetest angel and he kept making poses over my shoulder while i giggled and then he asked me for a hug and KISSED MY CHEEK and hugged me so tight and was like “love you guys” I WOULD DIE FOR YOU ANDREW GRAY

- john mark is literally the funniest person alive and he was constantly going around the megaforce booth when we were there like (to ben when he was giving art to ciara and christina) “WHERES MINE” and to me when i was having them sign my megaforce prints “WHERES MINE” hes so funny and i love himmm

- ciara was signing my prints but she got distracted when we asked about her dogs and she stopped and opened her phone and started showing us pics and videos and she was soo happy to talk about her dogs too and then we took our pic and checked it to make sure it looked good and tabby was like “you look gorgeous” and she was like “we BOTH look gorgeous” i cannot believe. AND THEN she threw in a group photo for FREE and we all got in there

- kat was telling us and azim about some douchebag vendor who was like hitting on her and inviting her to an afterparty and was like “are you over 21″ when she was just trying to look at his spd toys and azim was literally “which guy. where. where is he.” HE WAS GONNA KILL THAT GUY FOR KAT HE LOVES HER

- we somehow got on the subject of azim SHAVING HIS BEAUTIFUL BEARD and he was like “oh well we went to the make a wish foundation to meet kids and the beard scares them so i had to shave” and i was like “thats racist” and he was like nooo but u could tell his mind was blown and i was like “cameron didnt shave” and he was like “well cameron is white” and i was like SO YOU ADMIT ITS RACIST and he laughed also im correct

- related but michael copon came over to jessica rey’s table while we were there and she was like “hi michael these are my FRIENDS” and they were talking about how they’re cousins and they’re both half filipino and tabby was like “why didnt they give you any scenes together in the teamup!” and jessica was like “because i was with erin!” and michael was like “because they couldnt have two filipinos together in one scene” power rangers got WOKE man

- kat to andrew: i have a huge troy plushie!

andrew: oh my dogs would rip that up immediately

kat:

andrew: do your dogs not rip things up

kat: i dont... i wouldnt let them...touch my troy plushies...

(we love you andrew. he doesnt even know hes at a con. hes just here to chill.)

- someone at the panel asked a stupid question about “if you could cameo in any other season which season would you pick” like they dont get asked this all the fucking time and the rangers were like hmm like beast morphers or dino charge and then andrew, my husband my light my life, was like “fuck power rangers, i wanna go to the dc universe” (he didnt cuss obviously) but like... king. legend supporting legends. AND THEN CHRISTINA WAS LIKE “oh mood i wanna be in the pokemon universe” and john mark was like “as what” and she was like “i dont know i didnt watch it” QUEEN OF POKEMON she kins jigglypuff

- tabby was at ann marie crouch’s booth and telling her how she loved that princess shayla was the wild force team’s mom and she was like aww yeah i felt such a maternal instinct even though that was before i had my actual child!! shes so cute!! shes so pretty!!

- jessica rey is literally SO WONDERFUL AND FUN TO TALK TO we went to hang out bc tabby wanted her wild force dvd signed and she was just telling us her stories of hanging out w/ the other boys and how she went to drink w/ azim just to keep him company (bc peter and yoshi were there and they were like “we dont drink” nerds) so cuuute and then she had that pic of her and peter and yoshi and they’re making stupid faces and she’s smiling like an angel and she’s like THEY DIDNT TELL ME IT WASNT A SERIOUS PHOTO and i asked her jokingly how much for it and she was like take it its $30 and i was like pls charge me more have my money take my soul

- tabby and kat were at the megaforce booths and jessica rey came over and was like “excuse me what are you guys doing with MY GIRLS” and john mark was like “uh they’re OUR GIRLS” and then cameron pulled jessica over and was like “actually this is MY babe” and then she tried to leave bc she was in the way of ppl in line and azim stopped her and was like “no no stay you’re part of our FAMILY”and uh basically the power rangers family is the cutest family in the whole world thank you good night

- taylor swift wrote gorgeous about andrew gray

[amzngphil-rp]

The Motions of Dealing With People You Hate|| Baby Shower AU

@wishes-in-the--markmark @kristenmcatee-rp @crywastaken-rp @nerdynumme-rp

“But Papa-”

“No buts, Elliot. We have to go to Auntie Ro’s baby shower.”

“But the baby isn’t even there yet...” the boy fussed, folding his arms and turning away from Phil. He sighed and stood up, “Daniel!”

“What?!” screams the man from the other room, rushing in and standing in the doorway, “Phil what’s going on, he’s supposed to be dressed?!”

“Your son’s not getting dressed. He claims that because the baby’s not there, he shouldn’t have to go to the party,” Phil explains.

“Yeah, you guys just like dressing us up to go to parties,” Elliot adds.

Phil and Dan look at each other, concerned, then shrug as the dark haired one stood up and walked towards his husband, kissing his cheek in passing, “Your turn, babe.”

“B-b-b-bah..Phil..PHIL- ah god,” Dan tried to say before Phil was already downstairs.

“Love you, too, honey! I’m gonna get Persi something to eat, so we’ll meet you at the party-”

“But I-”

“I have to talk to my daughter, babe....go talk to your son!” he yelled as the keys jingled and the door opened.

“Bye Dan!” Persephone yelled before the door closed and locked.

“You had a point, Elli, but you get to see Harlan, and I get to drink with Papa, so let’s go get dressed.”

Shawna walked into the house and saw Vega playing with his puppy and smiled, “Hey Alti, how’s it going?”

“I’m Vega,” he looked up and let the dog lick his face.

“Sorry, buddy, I like your outfit...where’s your dad?” she asked, walking up and holding up her hand for him to five. 

He fived back, “He’s in the room with Altair, I think he’s trying to cheer up or get ready to see mommy again...I dunno.”

“He’s still in the room, Vega...He’s not getting up-” said Shawna, expecting it.

“Oh my god! We’re gonna be late...We can’t be late to our baby sister’s baby shower!” Altair stomped down to greet Shawna, also giving her five.

“Uncle Joey will have a conniption,” Vega added, looking at his twin.

“Well yes, but your mom will be very disappointed in your dad,” Shawna said, “So I’m gonna see if I can get him up.” 

“Miss Shawna likes my outfit,” Vega said as he stood up.

“Why can’t he get up himself?” Altair asked.

“Come here,” Shawna said, bringing them in and putting her hands on each of their shoulders, “Boys, your mom and your dad are having some problems agreeing with each other and your dad feels...very very bad about missing your mom.”

“Well, if it’s daddy’s fault then he should fix it,” Vega said folding his arms.

“It’s..welll..like I said, they are disagreeing with each other. It happens, just like you two don’t like things that each of you do all of the time, it still happens when you grow up,” Shawna explained, “So your mommy and daddy put themselves in time out.”

“But they have our baby sister coming,” Altair said, concerned.

“Is that why Reiner and Sylvan are with mommy?” Vega asked.

“More or less, yes...They’re taking care of your mommy and telling daddy that she’s okay and when the baby kicks and stuff when Uncle Joey can’t be there because he’s got kids of his own,” Shawna replied.

“I remember that. He slept over the first couple nights-” said Vega.

“Oh and remember when Uncle Ryan made us shepherds’ pie?” Altair piped up.

“Alright, then why don’t you guys get a bottle of water from the fridge and I’ll meet you guys back out here?” Shawna asked. Both of the boys nodded.

“We have to take Muffins for a walk anyway,” Vega said as they could hear the dog whine and paw at the door.

“Deal.”

Shawna was very surprised when Mark called her, but if the boys were any indication that shit had hit the fan, this was all she needed to know. She crept into the room, which was dark and full of trash. She dredged through it and got to the window, turning the shades on and getting some light going, which erupted a roar from the man. “Mark!”

“Shaw...what?!” he sits up, “How’d you get here so fast?”

“I own a car now...And you called me like last night? This morning, all I know is you told me to help you get over to the shower while your car’s getting worked on,” Shawna explained.

“What time is it?” he grumbled, rubbing his face and checking his phone, “OOHH SHHIT!” He begins to rush out of bed and starts throwing his clothes around running around the room, “Th-th-the Boys!..Aw god!”

“They said they’ve been ready to go for a while, they went to go walk the dog,” Shawna said, sitting on his bed, “When’s the last time you showered?”

“Yesterday, I just..I don’t remember after I got home from the gym..” Mark explained, rushing into the bathroom, turning the water on and throwing himself around, grunting as he frantically showered.

“Well you skipped the shower, but you fed the boys. There’s dishes in the sink...This is grad school all over again-”

“I didn’t...Ok, maybe I had to a few times,” Mark said, scrubbing furiously all through his body, “I’m not trying to.. be like that..today..especially.”

“Yeah, I know it’s hard, but you’ve got some good boys there, Mark. I can just let you borrow my car and you can take them-”

“NO..no..well..maybe,” Mark said as he grabbed his towel and wrapped it around himself, “Y-you wouldn’t mind?” he asked, sheepishly, shampoo still in his hair and squinting as he panted.

“Yeah, I could..watch the dog while you’re gone,” Shawna shrugged with a smile.

“But you’re all dressed to go..I wanted you to go with me..I-I need you to go with me...for the boys-”

“The boys will be fine, Mark. They’re older now, and their older brothers will be there..I’d think you just want me to drop you guys off or something..You’re the father, so- go wash your hair back out!” Shawna said, pushing him back into the bathroom, “Come on, don’t skip steps!”

Mark went back into the bathroom and began brushing his teeth and began to feel himself smile. Shawna’s good at keeping him on top, he was alone in doing this before, and who’s to say how many times he’s stopped getting ready because he just would. Grad school made the difference for him because he was doing it for Ro, he was doing it for his babies, but it was all still so hard. He never would have thought he’d befriend the girl who manipulated him and who used to make him uncomfortable if it wasn’t for their class project and that they were assigned as partners for working on their thesis. She really kept him together when he felt the most alone. He just never really said anything to Ro, who had been focusing on her cookbooks and her baking show, all the while being a mom. He knew they would disagree about being apart and doing what they both needed for each other, but he had to do good for himself and not just ride her coattails. 

Shawna always kept in the back of her mind that Mark and she are really lucky they had an opportunity to hit it off in grad school because she at times would look at Mark and see Andrew and his simple air, his caring eyes and his devotion. It reminded her of better times. Now as a wounded woman who grew, Shawna saw something in Mark in grad school that gave her strength not to do anything dumb- his devastation and fear of losing it all. His fear of losing Ro- the only thing that kept him sane, the fear of losing his boys- the things that kept him going, the fear of losing his family- the thing he created that could die in his hands. She wasn’t there to be with him, she was there to be for him, to be a friend when he was alone. Help him keep his routines up.

“Cyr...put that out and help us!” Joey called from across the room.

“Can it, Joey, I can work and smoke,” he said, taking one last drag.

“I’m surprised he’s still smoking actual cigarette,” mutters Cry.

“I’m sorry, but my vape’s in the shop. I’ll chew tobacco next time,” he said back, walking past them.

“Ew,” Cry and Joey said together.

“Aren’t you two just charming? Now..Rosie, dollface,” Cyr said, walking up to her in the kitchen, decorating cupcakes and cookies, “You need me to help you in here?”

“Uhmm..well yeah, can you first off not smoke in my house? Thank you,” Ro said, not looking up from the cookie, “Also there are salads in the fridge that need to come out. Fruit tarts and treats for the little ones and the last of the souffle need to come out of the oven and set, BE CAREFUL-”

“I got it, I got it, I know how souffle works,” Cyr said, closing the refrigerator gently and setting down the trays of treats, “They look great, doll..”

Ro blushed and looked up at Cyr, smiling at him. She felt a pang in her heart because Mark should be here. He should be here: helping with the party, helping with the decorations, helping her with the food setup. She just couldn’t deny herself him, either. She remembered the night. She had just gotten out the shower, they hadn’t even been sep-apart for more than a month. They were still blaming each other. And she had been...not here. She needed to feel, she needed something to get her going- she needed him. She called from a number through an app and couldn’t believe it was still the same. Her voice was croaky and shaky, it stuttered in her step to say it was her. She wanted to lie. She wanted to stop this. On the other hand, it was just a phone call, she could hang up at any time- she could just-

Well if it isn’t ring around the Rosie...How’s life?

Her breath had never caught harder. Toes curling, mouth agape, trying to crumple herself up so he couldn’t see her in her PJs and through her. 9PM turned into 11, and 11 turned into 3AM. 3AM turned into him coming over. He offered her a cigarette in the yard and she refused- she broke the news and loosened her robe. He nodded and pushed his hair back again. Ro felt her lip swollen from biting it so much, he put his hand on her face and stroked her cheek, just hard enough to make her stop biting her lip. He walked past her and went back into the house. She yapped quietly for him to come back and he turned around, confused. She realized then she reached for her wedding ring and her right hand to the necklace he bought her- and the left hand was bare. She covered her mouth and then tightened her robe, walking towards him with her own charm and talked with him about the party with one more cigarette. 

They would get into this routine frequently, for the next couple of months while she planned and didn’t speak to Mark. She’d put her phone on Do Not Disturb just after the last kid put his head on a pillow and he’d be outside. They’d go for a drive, he’d talk to her. He’d barely touch her, and when she did she felt fireworks. She frequently forgot her wedding ring. Lied to Cyr when he asked where her necklace went about the clasp being broken and needing to be cleaned, so it’s away. She’d lie to her friends about talking to Mark and writing him letters. Shawna came by Mark’s every other day or so and there wasn’t a single parcel or note. 

Joey and Cry were seething as they hung decorations and watched those two in the kitchen.

“I thought she was done with him,” Cry muttered, “Wasn’t that what she said?”

“Urgh..I really...really can’t right now, babe,” Joey said, throwing down the excess decorations and stomping towards the group of balloons starting to separate them.

“Babe..you’re upset..come here, take a break,” Cry said, pulling his husband close to him.

“SHE LIED!” Joey yelled, stomping, “She never lies and here she is with the grand master of fucking lies!”

“Alright alright, babe, let it out, come on..come here..I’m right here,” Cry soothed him, walking him to another part of the house.

Ro and Cyr were too busy laughing and having a brief water fight to notice.

The party has just begun and Shawna pulls up with the boys and a clean and put-together Mark. She looked and saw everyone here and all the kids running around and smiled, spotting Kristen and walking over to talk with her and PJ. 

Ro saw the whole thing from their bedroom window, she seethed. How dare she touch him? How dare she bring him here? How dare she touch their children, their dog? She shouldn’t be here. She ripped up a letter she had written to Mark and headed downstairs.

Mark was reacquainting himself with his house that he bought for his family, walking through the halls and touching everything. He never felt more together. He rushed upstairs, skipping steps, “RoBoat?!” He went faster as he approached the other flight and ascended some more, “RoBoat?!” He ran past the second landing and froze at the steps to their bedroom. He panted, enraged, YOU.

Cyr looked down and was raised his eyebrows, “Uh...Rosie?” he called back into the room before he was thrown against the wall.

“What are doing here...HUH?!..What are doing here?! Speak, you fuck! You bothering my wife again?! You can’t take a fucking message?! Even after all these years you goddamned snake!” Mark was tightening his grip and slamming the lanky man against his wall, pictures further down the hall falling, “I swear to GOD you laid one fucking filthy hand on her or my fucking children you’re a stain, you hear me?! A STAIN! FINISHED! OBLITERATED!”

“MARK?!” Shawna came running up the steps with Joey, Cry, Kristen, and Leda not far behind.

Hearing the ruckus being caused in the house, PJ acted quick and closed the door, turning to the concerned people who had gathered.

“Alright everybody, grab your kids and grab a seat! Uncle PJ is gonna put on a magic show!”

While Shawna and Cry were attempting to pull Cyr and Mark off of each other. Leda was standing still in shock that Cyr was here. He was actually here. She knew he was in Cali, but she hadn’t..it just hadn’t crossed her mind. She only kicked into gear when she heard a resounding slap from where Shawna was standing,  “Woah what the fuck?!” she exclaimed.

“Don’t you touch my HUSBAND!” Ro screamed when she slapped Shawna and wrapped her hair around her hand and wrist, dragging her back, “You don’t think I SAW you with him, you whore! Why can’t you leave us alone?! Putting your dirty..fucking..fingers all over OUR CHILDREN!” She was blind with rage, slamming the girl into the ground, pulling her up to kick her in the face and then slamming her into the opposing wall and knocking down the other frames hanging on the wall. 

Kristen and Leda ran up to the other women and got Ro to let go, and Shawna lay motionless on the floor. Ro was still in a state of rage and hysterics until she exclaimed from pain, and she clutched her stomach. Both girls ran her up to her room and the men stopped fighting as they looked at Ro clearly in discomfort. Mark sprung up and sprinted towards their bedroom with Joey and Cry behind him. Cyr sat up against the wall, panting using his sleeve to wipe the blood off. Kristen came back into the hallway and helped Shawna up, who was regaining consciousness, “You alright?...Holy fuck she did a number on you!”

“Y-yea..” Shawna said, panting as well, holding her head, “She’s got a helluva hurt for a pregnant lady..And look at you..am I seeing a ghost?” They both giggled as she started to clean herself up and asses her injuries, collecting the hair that got pulled out in the thrashing.

“I’m gonna go get some ice,” Kristen said, getting up then stopping to look at Cyr, “I’ve heard about you..hate to meet ya like this, brother.”

“Vincent Cyr...pleasure’s all mine, you woulda met me like this anyway..and just make that ice a double sweetie,” he said weakly with a bloody grin.

Scoffing Kristen rushed off with a slight blush on her cheeks. 

Leda came rushing back down and looked at her friends who looked back at her- as if to ask if Ro’s okay, “She’s just too excited, and her and Mark need to talk anyway..but god you two look like shit.” They all chuckled a little then Shawna groaned.

“I think she broke my rib,” Shawna said.

“I think he broke my nose,” Cyr said.

Leda sat in the hall next to Shawna and Cyr crawled over to sit next to them, “What am I gonna do about you two?” she sighed, putting a hand on both of their knees.

“An ambulance is a place to start,” Shawna said, smiling and looking down at the both of them, “And she musta knocked me hard cus I swear I’m seeing ghosts.”

“You?! Shit, I got this woman here pregnant and hadn’t seen her since,” Cyr said.

“Not funny,” Leda said, texting Matt downstairs to call an ambulance, “And I’m sorry. But..I’m definitely doing better now.”

“That’s good to hear, Leeds. ANd Shawna Howson is talking now?! Crazy,” Cyr said, looking at her, “How in the hell did you get involved with Mark to the point that you brought him here and Ro fucked you up like that? I’ve never seen her like that.”

“I always could, but it was just hard before,” Shawna began, “And neither have I. When they weren’t together and Mark was going through it, he had to clean the art room as punishment for some destruction he did to the Theta house and I had to supervise...His meds were fucked up and I told him that if we played a little game of Simon Says I’ll do him a solid and say he was here the whole day and he could go to his dorm and edit.”

“Oh MY GOD! SHawna! What’d you make him do?!” Leda asked, looking at her incredulously, “Cus I knew it musta been bad if I’ve never seen her like that either.”

“Did you fuck’em?” Cyr asked.

“Nah, we got a little handsy and we made out..Nothing deep. I forgot who, but someone went back and told her and she went off and warned me then to stay away from her and him or else,” Shawna explained, “I had no idea miss sugar sweet would be so rotten.”

“So you must have done something right if you’re cool with him to bring him and his kids to his wife’s baby shower while they’re separated,” Cyr said.

“Yeah well, I don’t think that was it. Cus see, something like this happened in grad school. She was pregnant again and him and her were really struggling. So they separated for a while, and his friends had all moved away so he was stuck on grad campus with me for six months before he could move back in with Ro, who was running around doing her book tour...And I didn’t do anything, obviously...he had just gotten married! But! He needed a friend. So I’d moved in with him to save on room and board costs and kept him alive and well while we finished our thesis. I just assumed he just never told Ro because he was only getting taken care of and wasn’t fucking me, and now today is a fact that I know he didn’t. So, you know, same thing four years later, he called me up and him and the twins have been sharing my house with me for the past couple months,” she explained, “And I’m guessing she called you up, Cyr?”

“Wait, wait! Cyr you were fucking her?!” Leda interrupted.

“No, no, nah..She’s married. If I wanted to ruin a marriage I’d go home and watch my ex-girlfriend text me behind my ex-roommates back- who’s now her husband, but that’s another story for another time,” he began, “Cus Ro likes the idea of being intimate with me and it soaks her panties that she can’t. So, I was a good friend and listened to her talk and took her on late night drives after her kids went to bed. She told me the first night we met up again two months ago she was pregnant with the baby because she refused to sneak cigs with me or drink- and when she did, she wanted wine. So you know, nice talk here, gentle platonic touch there, just anything to get her out of her head a little and stop biting her fucking lip. I’m surprised it never bled.”

“Wow...what card,” Shawna scoffed, “PJ did that for a while but then he realized I’m dependent on it, so he essentially put me in rehab to stop and I’ve been trying to find that someone since. Also, he couldn’t have his house vice a mess.”

“Cyr, come on, you’re telling me you were that clean? That doesn’t seem like you,” Leda challenged, “You didn’t finger her or eat her out or anything?”

“If I told you, I wouldn’t say it upstairs with them in the next room,” Cyr chuckled, “But I will say that some things happened but I’d stop because it’s...it’s just not right, you know? They gotta work their issues out by themselves and she can’t run off to live in her fantasies and lie to her husband about it. We’re adults now, we coulda gotten killed. Also, she’s got a fifth child to think about, and that means she’s not taking birth control and I’m absolutely not even touching that with my dick or a fifty-foot pole.”

Just then the ambulance pulled up and Kristen came upstairs with bags of ice.