#my mom would tweak over me not coming home but like. ur the one whos selling theonly viable method of transportation i have at home lol

[castawavy]

Hey Rae :) How are you today? I have a lot of questions about your witches story, and I'm sure some of us has the same questions in mind and you already told me you were ready to answer so ... 1/ What were the main plots you prepared? 2/ Were there any death? 3/ What do your characters look like now that they're adults? 4/ Do you have any plans for them or do you just enjoy the game with them? Hope it's not too much ^^ It was one of my favourite sims story ever :) Thanks a lot for creating it !

hello ben! I’m good thank you! just enjoying a very quiet sunday rn - I hope that u are well too? I am so happy that you remember my story I will try to answer ur questions hehe! I’ll put it under a cut because I tend to ramble 🤭

EDIT: WARNING THIS ENDED UP SUPER LONG x,x but if u liked my story and love spoilers it’s a good read hehe :-)

1. what were the main plots you prepared?

ah ok so I had quite a few arcs planned, and then also the overall story I wanted to tell but I never really got into it (my bad!) but I actually had a long script written of ideas I wanted on a document that I used to write my posts x,x ! So it was actually a whole story planned out just like a script! :> this script went all the way up to like 120 posts but it looked like this:

example  

but yes as for actual storylines I planned out:

Violet

the main plot was that arya intended to keep power over the coven by making sure that her daughter, Violet would become it’s next leader (this goes into Violet’s arc a lot).

but basically Violet finds out that she isn’t ‘chosen’ to become the next leader, something she prepared for her whole life 😥, and so her mother kind of rejects her.

Violet kind of spirals and her mother wants nothing to do with her, but Violet finds Cordelia is being bullied by some other witch girls at school and steps in to help Cordelia fight them.

Cordelia becomes Violet’s first like real friend, because before people only wanted to be friends with Violet due to her being ‘destined’ to be an amazing witch (she still is amazing of course just not the ‘chosen one’).

so these two become friends !

and this was all I had planned so far for Violet!

Cordelia

Cordelia after moving to this new school finds herself being bullied by some of the girls at school, the reason she didn’t join a witch school previosuly was because a few years before the story her parents died very suddenly in a magical related accident, leaving just Cordelia and her brother, Olliver. Cordelia swore she didn’t want anything to do with magic and so she refused to join in with the coven.

She is a very good witch though so at the beginning of summer (a little bit before Casper moves to Glimmerbook Cordelia is offered a scholarship at the school) after talking with Ollie she decides that it is what her parents would have wanted and agrees to attend a witches academy.

Casper arrives and Cordelia and him become friends (then the story posts I did make happen)

Cordelia and Casper are supposed to attend an event at the school, where the coven will choose it’s next leader, so Cas and Cordelia go shopping for some clothes, at the mall these girls stop by to laugh at Cordelia because she is shopping for clothes she can’t afford (these are some mean witches >.>) Casper steps in, and he feels guilty that he didn’t know Cordelia was being bullied, but now he knows so it’s a lot of weight off of Cordelia’s shoulders :-)

The two go to the event party and Violet finds out she hasn’t been chosen, this doesn’t have much to do with Cordelia yet because this is before they are friends.

Once they do become friends though they hang out lots, and by now I think Casper and Val were together so they see eachother as lot as a group of four (these 4 are the main characters)

Cordelia sleeps over at Violet’s house one day though and she kind of realises she might have a crush on Violet 👉👈 but this is as far as I got planning her arc 😅!!!

Valentine

stuff was about to happen very soon but I stopped posting but after Cas finds out he is a spellcaster, Val, Cordelia and Casper celebrate by going to the arcade together.

Val isn’t used to hanging with friends so he feels kind of awkward so he and Cas step outside for fresh air, and here Val and Cas have a kind of nice conversation where Val explains he was kicked out of the academy etc. he admits he feels like kind of a failure to Cas and Cas and he like almost kiss lmaoo

afterwards Val kind of pretends it never happened and Cas doesn’t bring it up either and Val continues to see Ambrose (idk if u remember the vampire dude he was with?)

but yeah fast forward a bit and Halloween is starting soon *very important for witches kajsdgajsdg* and Val is like ‘I hate Halloween’ to Cas, and Casper finds out it’s because it’s Val’s birthday that day, and that Violet is throwing a party it’s easier to show:

then:

Val goes home after school annd like his mom is waiting x,x

basically she is annoyed because she realised he stayed out late again, so she threatens Val (Violet is there too and she tried to lie for Val so Arya scolds them both) and she uses like fire magic to burn Val >: ( and then she warns him not to do anything stupid she’s a villain basically 🤷‍♀️

At the party Val decides then to ignore both Ambrose and Cas (ambrose was texting him and Cas is at the party) because he doesn’t want them to get hurt because of him.

He breaks things off with Ambrose mainly because Ambrose is a vampire, and wants Val to become one too, which is not what Val wants, + he does care for Ambrose and realises that they don’t make eachother happy!

Then he bumps into Cas and Cas is like ‘u look upset did something happen’ to which Val argues with Casper and asks him to leave him alone + some other super mean things (oops)

Casper and Cordelia leave the party and Violet says to Val that he did something super dumb because she can tell that Casper liked Val (her and Casper have a class together so Violet knows Casper by now)

the event at the school happens and Val is nervous because he knows Cas will be there and he is worried Casper hates him now lmao, but he stays with Violet for now because she is nervous that she might be ‘chosen’ today, so the twins hang out for a bit.

Eventually Violet is like kinda of ‘stop being a baby and go talk to Cas’ xd

So Val is like yo can I speak with u and Cas is like oh um sure, Cordelia is skeptical 🤣 she’s a good friend! 

Val and Cas chat, realise they are both dorks in love and kiss :-) ☕ I have more but I’ll talk about Casper now LMAO cuz these two stories now join tbh

Casper

SO AFTER arcade night Casper starts attending the witch academy after his normal school for a lesson with Morgyn Ember :> !!! In this class is just Violet and Casper cuz it’s like an extra after school thing.

Violet is smart so she soon realises this is the same Casper her brother mentioned so she tries to find out what Cas thinks of Val hehe but yeah Cas doesn’t give much away.

One day (the day after Violet fights with her mother at the event) Cas goes to class but it’s just he and Morgyn, Cordelia was staying in the library after school (she’s worried about Violet so studying to distract herself) they decide to do some duel practice

After Morgyn asks Cas about his lineage and Casper tells them that his mother is Irish, Morgyn reveals to Casper that the Irish were once some of the most powerful witches.

Next day at normal school Casper and Val get their school project grade back (this was just a funny scene tbh 😂):

Errr I lots of stuff happens with the girls but when i go back to Cas/Val by now Casper has learnt about Val’s burn mark but Val doesn’t explain where he got it

Casper is in class minding his own business when Arya approaches him and starts asking questions about his mother, Morgyn arrives and quickly makes sure to get rid of Arya (subtly) then they tells Casper to watch out for Arya because she is evil :-) lmao

Cas goes home quickly and it’s just his mother at home so he and her watch a movie, and she hints that she knows Cas likes Val but Casper is like pffft I am not dating anyone and runs off

Next day Casper confronts Val about his mother and Val tells him the truth, and he explains that he is worries Arya might come after Cas’ mother/sister Aubrey who is a toddler!! But that was also all I had planned

OVERALL:

I think that they would realise Aubrey is the chosen witch, and so the four main characters alongside Morgyn try to defeat Arya and stop her :-O !!!

2. were there any character deaths

YES AND IT MAKES ME SO SAD BECAUSE I LOVE THIS SIM but basically Morgyn tries to protect the main four kids from Arya and they investigates what Arya might be plotting, however Arya is one step ahead of Morgyn, and Morgyn can’t get Simeon on their side. Eventually L.Faba comes after Morgyn and Morgyn knows that Arya has realised that Morgyn plans to defeat her. L.Faba then kills Morgyn but Morgyn leaves a clue for the other four to find that will help them beat Arya. I orginally planned to make one of the four die but I ended up liking them so much and I couldn’t bring myself to do it, and even tho I love Morgyn too I felt like their death would be super impactful ;-; cuz they are loved by me ahaha idk they were a good soul.

3. what do your characters look like now that they’re adults?

I’m still tweaking them as I play but currently they look like this:

4. Do you have any plans for them now?

I basically intend to just play them as a generations/legacy kind of thing so yeah I’ll probably still just post gameplay following the Ward Family (cas’ family) so his sister too etc.! Currently Violet and Cordelia live in Lightwood Lodge in Glimmerbrook but Valentine and Casper moved to Evergreen Harboour, after they all attended university together!

[shushvera]

*toy story shark vc* howdy howdy howdy ! i would like to make it known i’ve been unabashedly eyeing this since it opened ! anyway ! i’ve lost my ooc intro groove so we gonna move down to my ic intro down below:

oh hi there, welcome to holiday, VERA FLOROS. you’ve been here for TWO MONTHS? awesome! you look just like MARINA DIAMANDIS, it’s crazy. oh, so you’re a 30 year old ‘FORTUNE TELLER’/’MUSICIAN’. and you’re FEMALE and use SHE/HER? okay, just checking! oh, people say you’re INTUITIVE & DILIGENT but DECEITFUL & RASH? well, i’m sure that you can prove yourself here. you’re looking forward to the HALLOWEEN celebration? that’s a good one, you’ll love it. i have to get going now, bye! [fleur, 19, est, she/her]

i would like to start by saying i’ve played vera once (1 time) before and it was,, so much fun,, the dumbest smart person to exist. i’ve tweaked her bg a little (because..... that’s what happens when you read lucille ball’s autobiography that was SUMN.....), but ! who cares !

update: this got rly long so there’s a tl;dr at the bottom if that better floats your boat !

INTRO-WORTHY STATS

aka, stats that aren’t that deep™

FULL NAME: Vera Floros DOB: August 17th, 1989 AGE: thirty FROM: Abergavenny, Wales OCCUPATION: “fortune teller” & a musician who doesn’t understand marketing ORIENTATION: bisexual CLASS: middle class ( that inheritance kicked in ! )

BACKGROUND: 

CHILDHOOD

triggers: parental death, brief mentions of child abuse

alright, vera was born to a very young couple in wales. they’d gotten married fresh out of high school and had a child (her) just two years later. that being said, for about two years after, her mother began distancing herself from the father... not because he was a bad guy, but he moved cities entirely and she was NOT about that.

to be perfectly redundant, for about two years, it was just vera and her mother. 

grandparents weren’t about their daughter being married. at 18. did they help pay rent for a separate living space? until vera’s mom was 21, yes. but was she welcomed in their house? lmao!!!!!

THEN her father blew back into town. they reconnected, they both began working more so that vera’s mother didn’t have to rely on her own (we’ll get to her dad’s parent’s in a second). 

vera, at the Tender Age of Three™ learned that she was a complete Daddy’s Girl™. although she loved her mom for obvious reasons, she connected with her dad on an entirely different level. he was fun! he was playful! he was young, but he was the perfect dad! he even told dad jokes! which she didn’t get until she was five because three year olds usually aren’t that smart! they did little ‘acrobatic’ things! it was cute and fun and good!

but? this is a roleplay character?

our man died from unexpected heart failure. the autopsy showed an abnormality that hadn’t previously been discovered, and we know our man rarely went to the doctor. vera was six at the time.

her mom: married at 18, mother at 20, widow at 26. 

because she and her mom had never developed that Close Bond™, it was difficult for her mother to figure out how to... like... keep her from wandering around... because just telling her not to wasn’t working... so she was like “you know what.... a leash.”

we love ‘puppy’ by george saunders

so whenever her mom was at work and vera wasn’t in school, she was tied to a tree in the backyard.

cruel and unusual punishment!

eventually, her mom kind of just... threw in the towel... she left completely for a change of pace. she said she would be back and that vera would be under the care of her father’s parents in athens until then.

her father’s parents had always been more accepting of the young marriage. they’d been more supportive of them being young parents, in spite of her father having left for a while. they’d definitely been supportive of vera and her mother during that time because they were like “omg mood”

there were a few other kids under their care, all related or not. they did some work for her father’s parents, but nothing very laborious – just sort of... Bonding™ ja feel?

so her mom DID keep her promise and returned three years later when vera was nine. mind you, vera had never held any feelings of resentment towards her mother. when she was six, she... just didn’t get it. at nine, she was old enough to be like “i get u.”

BUT her mother DID get remarried. she didn’t resent her for that, but... she was not fond of the new husband. he wouldn’t accept the ‘dad’ title, was very stern, very serious, made her mom seem like an absolute joy, etc. 

but her mom was in love, so what could she do? and then they had a son together, so what could she do? nothing.

that summer, to learn more Discipline™, vera was sent to live with her step-father’s parents in london. boy howdy, it was nothing like her father’s parents! they had a knack for pointing out flaws, induced actual laborious work, constantly quoted the bible at the worst of times, and thought that a single head nod was the equivalent of “good job!” there were a couple of other kids there too, but yikes.

TEENS ( *hang ten emoji* ) + COLLEGE

triggers: brief domestic abuse implications

early was filled with Drama™ surrounding her step-father’s parents and her step-father himself. the overall consensus was that he was not a dope dude, nor were his parents. vera’s mother filed for divorce and gained sole custody of their son (keeping in mind.... she basically already had sole custody of vera.... considering she was her only legal guardian left lmao)

after the divorce was filed, vera’s mother was like “u kno what. my parents hate me. my first husband is dead. my second husband was a douche. i have no reason to be here anymore.” so they went to the land of golden opportunity

but wound up in america instead

(joke patented by dr. doofenshmirtz)

vera, around sixteen at the time (y’all i’m figuring out ages as i go along bear with me), now attended some strange high-school where they were like “fahrenheit.” 

by the way! it was in holiday! that’s important to note for possible future connections!

it wasn’t an unwelcome change, though. starting over... was nice...

but the problem was that she was like her father in that she always acted before she thought... which made her a very dumb smart person. 

alright get ready for the single idea that drove this entire thing:

she majored in philosophy then was *pikachu shocked face* when she realized there were no jobs out there for philosophy majors.

ADULTHOOD

alright... so what do you do when you have no good opportunities for things in your major?

you would think you would do something like... idk... find a well-paying job that doesn’t require a major?

or maybe a job that just requires experience in ___?

or maybe a job that just requires a bachelor’s degree of any sort?

or maybe a job that doesn’t require a major, but would like a major similar to yours, thus giving you a leg up?

etc.?

lmao no. you go to new orleans and become one of many phony fortune tellers using the one good thing you got from your weird upbringing: easy analysis of body language.

in addition, you try to make something of your life through music, but have no clue what ‘marketing’ is because you really don’t understand social media and probably still have the egg as your twitter profile picture.

what do you mean print is out of style?

what do you mean no one listens to CDs anymore?

what do you mean garageband isn’t acceptable to record on?

that being said, it’s not like... she wasn’t good at it... i mean she was v good at it... but musician is in quotes because she has made NOTHING of her LIFE with it. DOES NOT UNDERSTAND MARKETING.

*sonic kid vc* WHEN WILL YOU LEARN? WHEN WILL YOU LEARN? *end vc*

she got some decent pay from being a ‘fortune teller,’ though. tourists totally flocked and using a fake russian accent helped, as did... just speaking a language they didn’t know while pretending to contact spirits...

at least she’s a good scam artist

can’t market very well, but could probs create the next big ponzi scheme

returned to holiday when she heard news from her brother that her mother had fallen ill.

honestly rest in peace.

is still around because... that’s her home! sentiment! also rip!

also marketing isn’t as hard in holiday so???

also testing fortune telling out in holiday is more interesting so???

DOPE.

PERSONALITY

either really dumb for a smart person or really smart for a dumb person.

still has a childlike trait tbh. i mean when ur growing up just laying beneath child labor laws, ur gonna have to become a kid again eventually.

really bad at technology for reasons unknown to... everyone, but really good at scams.

has not thought before she acted even ONCE.

hasn’t used her degree since she was 22. the closest she’s come is buying some misc. philosophy books and sharing tidbits with strangers. 

“now this is a taoist anthem” - vera @ ‘soak up the sun’ by sheryl crow

so many ragrets.

will find a way to bring up she’s half greek in every conversation. 

“and i’ve had mental illness since i was in middle school. good night.” - that video someone edited of professor tox

im so bad at personality sections but she’s got a fun one y’all one of the few characters i’ve played who’s had a Sad Backstory™ but wound up being a Fun And Comedic Character™

TL;DR

that was my first time ever writing this whole thing out, so it got real long. so we gonna give a tl;dr:

triggers: v brief mentions of parental death, brief mentions of child abuse, v brief implication of domestic abuse

born to a v young couple in wales. dad was like “brb” then he did, indeed, come rb. loved dad. but dad died when she was six lmao get wreckt this is a roleplay character.

mom was like “idk what 2 do” so she took notes from george saunders’s ‘puppy’ and just tied vera to a tree when she was gone adjsflka. went away for a while and vera stayed with her dad’s parent’s in greece. came back three years later and reunitedanditfeelssogood.mp3.

got married tho and vera was like “i don’t like this guy” and mom was like “i’m having his child.” lived with his parents over the next few summers. they almost violate child labor laws. like. just a hair more. hare? became source of any self-hatred lmao get wreckt

vera’s mom and step-dad divorced bc he was horrible and they moved to holiday when she was sixteen. she left for college when she was eighteen. she decided to major in philosophy which was a bad idea and the source of her entire character. 

decided to become a phony fortune teller in new orleans instead of... idk... just getting a job that didn’t require a degree or sumn? pretty successful tho! talked in a fake russian accent around tourists bc? why not? 

also did/does music but has no idea how marketing works. bad at social media. records things on garageband. an overall fool. good but a fool.

back in holiday bc mom died lmao get wreckt we’re an orphan now boizzzz

Sad But Rad™

WANTED CONNECTIONS

it’s 2:38AM as i write this part and i still have to go back and include a stats thing bc i love those then post ic but i’ll update this w/ some when im done i suppose?? but we do love brainstorming in this house!!

like this or hmu if you’d like to plot !

[pandxras-blog]

                 hello friends !! it’s ya girl moose again back at it !! this is panda !! she is......kind of a 2.0 of one of my other characters ?? slightly tweaked but still my fave gal deep down in my heart. as always i wanna plot w/ u all so LIKE THIS and i’ll come to u or HMU !!

she grew up in a small town in wisconsin where her parents owned a farm. they mostly had animals (cows, goats, chickens, and sheep) and rented out their farmland to other ppl.

she was an only child so.......she always kind of had to make due by herself. she’d hang out w the animals all day and she usually kept herself busy drawing or readin

the relationship between her parents had always been kinda rocky. she was the product of an unplanned teen pregnancy and it was clear they only rly stayed together bc.....they had to???

they were mostly just together for panda u know. but at some point her dad started seeing another woman lowkey behind everyone’s backs, but like…everyone kind of knew tbh bc.....the town is so small like everyone knows ur business.

panda was oblivious to it all tho, she likes to see the best in people. she loved her dad so much and thought of him very highly. he’s he dad after all!!!! her hero!!!!!!!

when she was 12, her dad just split one day while she was away at school and she came home to an empty house. he’d left to start his new life with his new girlfriend in the city without a word. he only left a pile of old sweaters (which panda kept & wears). a few weeks later some divorce papers came in the mail for her mom & that was that

for a few months, panda was the one that had to pick up the pieces. her mom wouldn’t get out of bed or get any work done or cook or clean or do laundry or do anything so it all fell on panda. she’d make breakfast and dinner for her & her mom and make herself lunch for school. she’d do the laundry and make sure her mom was fed and make sure the animals were fed & she barely had any time for herself.

it was around this time that her uncle and cousin noah came to stay a little while and visit, but ended up moving in permanently to help them around the house and help panda pick up the pieces & panda was kind of able to be a kid again, but.......also not really

pandora was always a kind of quiet and sensitive kid and she always got picked on at school for being a little weird, but after the whole family drama scandal it really only got worse? so she became really reclusive and didn’t do much other than go to school and go home and work on the farm, like she did before. honestly......this was just like her life now rip. she didn’t really have that many friends, but she found a lot of comfort in hanging out w the animals at home

and she also ended up growing a strong bond with her cousin because he was a bit of a black sheep himself. they’d just kind of chill w the animals together and just talk for hours. of course she loved her brother too, but he was like…..a lot cooler than her, so it was harder to relate u know

she also got really into art as a kid. she found it really helped her bc she couldn’t always express herself thru words, but she could always express herself thru art

honestly she’s just spend hours sitting around with the cows n noah, doing her homework and working on her art

the kinda gal that literally.....was constantly doodling ?? like always came home w pen on her legs and her notebooks were filled with little drawings in the margins & stuff u know the type

another thing that she’s always been into is like..........horror & gore & macabre shit ig ?? a lot of her doodles turned into her like designing these like monsters & creatures & it was a little unnerving when her mom found her drawings because like wtf ??? but....she has a very vivid imagination & a lot of ideas.

she joined her town’s theatre production when she was 15 & worked backstage designing & making costumes & doing makeup and was like wow...........this is dope ???? let me do this forever thx

the original plan her & her mother had discusses for her future was that she would go to school to become a vet so she could still help out around the farm, but....she wanted to make a future out of her art??? she wanted to make films and show what she could do with special effect bc.....she’s so passionate about it. she decided that like…the small town life wasn’t for her, she didn’t like everybody knowing her business and all that

and it was like….she wanted to get out asap ?? she just kind of needed a breather too and like…..a change. she wanted to start over, i guess.

she mom didn’t really believe that she could do it ?? like “oh that’s nice sweetie but that’s not a job” & also like she said explicitly at times that her work wouldn’t rly be good enough to make a career out of which was v upsetting. she lowkey believed it but she was destined to prove her mom wrong

so she was like ok !!!!! i’m gonna go to school pce out fam. but she had to take a year off after graduation to like....save money bc she didn’t know if she’d be able to get scholarships

she ended up getting accepted to princeton & she probably cried for a week straight. she’s doesn’t rly come from a lot of money so she needs student aid and she puts pretty much all of her savings into school

so here she is......w a double major of fine arts major & fum bc she REALLY wants to do special effects makeup & character design and make films ig !!!!

ew that was bad but now let me talk about her personality ok

she’s very........pure. she’s an innocent soul who really...couldn’t hurt a fly, even if she wanted to

tho she does lowkey because she’s fucking stupid just not on purpose

she’s naive, and blindly optimistic & overly sweet, almost completely inexperienced with relationships & definitely 100% a virgin

and she’s unassuming and always likes to see the best in people

also tbh…..she’s too trusting. just wants everyone to be happy n eat cake together

very easy to manipulate. will do anything to have ppl like her..........she just wants to have friends and b cool !!!!!!!!!

she has so many feelings !!! but she hides them all ?? or tries to, at least. she definitely avoids talking about her problems because she doesn’t want to burden anyone

she’s very oblivious to flirtation, like she just….does not understand it at all she’s so awkward?

as i said, totally inexperienced when it comes anything romantic at all…….she’s my bi queen but this bitch doesn’t know how to flirt

she gets so flustered and nervous around attractive people i swear to god she’s like giddy 99% of the time she’s a mess

panda is truly….too soft for the world. she’s constantly worrying about what people think of her and she cries so easily like….if anyone says anything mean to her she’ll just breakdown. she needs to harden up tbh……..she straight up cries @ everything its….fucking laME

she’s 100% art hoe tho, like…..she’s always doodling and she’s always got little pen doodles on her thighs n such. bitch always has paint on her hands & under her fingernails prob lil nasty

really knows how to BEAT a face tho but she’s too lazy to do it to herself everyday but pls........let her do ur makeup she’d cry & love u

because she’s so soft she can be like dumb ??? lacks a lot of common sense tbh she’s just....always got her head in the clouds. she will literally trust anyone and honestly..........................if she doesn’t smarten up she’s gonna get killed i swear

luvs bugs & thinks they’re real cool

riddled w anxiety and major self image issues !!!!!!!!!!!!!! lowkey hates herself rip

meme queen. spends hours a day looking at them tbh. she’s always looking at her phone and laughing to herself she’s lame as fuck tbh. she is a meme.

her favorite color is yellow & she makes a lot of movie references & she sux and i hate her

she got long goils !! but...here are some lil wcs if u are interested !!

best friend ofc !!!

sibling-like relationship

a confidant 

sum art hoe friends

flirtationship kinda thing??? she prob tries but fails miserably

a model!!! someone she can......practice her makeup on

a bad influence/good influence type thing

someone she thinks is cool and rly wants 2 impress???

again......anything & everything :’)

[cryingismysport]

i relapsed in many ways and ended up having a court hearing an almost month hold to get out of a bad psych hospital that got me going thru drug withdrawals because they gave me high doses of ativan and sent me home cold turkey and they also neglected and i was throwing up and sleeping me and now im taking a shit ton of klonopin and every relationship i know is falling apart and i sent photos to someone i shouldnt have i also binged after not eating for so long when i was in the emergency room waiting for placement for 2 days i got a scan of my stomach and my body was violently twitching for hours and i had so many ivs in me and was so hungry at times and couldnt lift my arms up and had all these sitters watching my every move and coming into the bathroom with me.  it was so uncomfortable and i also spent all of my money and lied and when i went there i told no one i called 911 at night and my famly thought i was missing and dead.... i stopped eating drinking water place was unliable had racing thoughts still do pacing back and forth severe anxiety and shame and im losing my hair from losing so much weight and i had a shit ton of mental breakdowns and mania in front of my mom recently and begged hear to leave even tho shes kinda like my si watch.... fucking nightmare... tried to contact anyone about the other things that happened or at least cryptically talking about... also my ambulance and billing for all this is gonna be so high and my family is done with me lol because this happened before but it wasnt my fault and i wanted to get a psych evaulation and then the hospital threatened me to take meds i know nothing of and i talked to no one but this angered doctor for a minute who cut me off and staff were not watching at all... the night before the hospital i also ordereedd razors and laxatives and a lemon the fuck... i also sexted someone or tried to the first time because im so deeply confused and impuslive and empty inside and it went very wrong....

my mom said if im another predicament like this again where im stuck somewhere she wont help me.... like okay.... 

i also accidentally burned my skin...

fun.. self fucking destruction.......

also they made me undress and literally did  so much weird shit at this place and im gonna go bankrupt and ive literally called everyone because i almost was gonna take all my pills or cut or something or end my life or at least the feeling of it but even with this post no one truly knows whats going on. the shame i feel is crazy and i cant deal with critisism abandonment me always fucking things up with my self relationships and my world.. 

try showering witha  shit ton of needles in ur arm and an absent minded sitter and no soap lmao 

ive never felt physical heartbreak from exposing myself to someone and them deciding they dont like me anymore and i used all the things i bought for them... 

also was so emotionally disturbed with my racing thoughts i was forgetting what i was doing every minute like shower on and i was even trying to find clothes to go to the hospital cause i knew i couldnt do another night and morning in that place and my mental state which was never evaulated.. and then i was planning on things ... bad.. also remembering childhood trauma this week and i broke down to my mom and shes close to disowning me probably. 

i said i would never use again and i said i would stop talking to this abusive person who now is calling me crazy basically and many disturbing things were sent to me but i just want to feel something...

i havent had a true person to share sort of my trust with since i was a little girl and i couldnt handle the sickness i felt after realizing i did way too much and they fucking hate me now and block me

forgetting how much im taking literally tweaking at the mall mother bonding time fun using my mom to buy me shit because i cant connnect anynmroe and my moms emotionless and so drained from me was stuck hiding in bathroom from her at movie :))))) cant even try on pants because of body dysmporphia too..

want drugs sex.... trauma llosss... byeee

i cant get my insurance to approve therapy even thru my psych now im forever in a cycle of destruction phyiscal depression being socially inadept and confused and trapped in my indentity.... like i could blacxk out and go to hospital but look what happened nothings ever changes i treat myself awful and im an addict 

always something wrong with me... to everyone i love... thats what really ruins me. 

i dont wanna be in my world anymore you know i llive in fantasy and too many expectations 

also threw up; all over my whole body blacked out no one helped  AT the placeee

[vivarin]

💭