#my mom won’t be understanding
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Me: My anxiety levels have been at an all time high lately.
My mom: Because of work?
Me: Not really. I think it’s because I’ve been watching a lot of YouTube videos about shipwrecks. It stresses me out.
My mom:
My mom: *the deepest sigh I’ve ever heard*
#its the starvation that gets me#I won’t eat an onion. I’m not going to eat a person#my mom does not understand me at all but I do exasperate her like 80% of the time#it’s certainly a dynamic#I’m probably the kid she talks to the most though
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UNFINISHED COMIC !! from … last year. i started a fic for this a while back too, but couldn’t figure out where to go with it. here’s just some good ol Kageyama Parents Comforting Their Child content for now
#when i say the kageyama parents are my number ones…#I MEAN IT !!!#maybe i’ll pick up writing the fic again idk#i just need some content of shigeo’s parents actually being his parents#like on screen#PLEASE !!! i’m desperate for more of them#when mom says no but dad says yes dynamic for sure#also this comic would have taken place sometime after the mogami arc#poor boy needs the reminder that he’s not alone in the house anymore#and his parents may not fully understand what he’s going through but they’ll be damned if they won’t support their kid in any way they can#no sneaky symbolism in this comic…YET#other than the last frame was supposed to be shigeo’s powers acting up a bit and his parents can Definitely feel something#anyways#mp100#mob psycho 100#shigeo kageyama#kageyama parents#mp100 comic
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People who don’t want to go / continue to go to college because you’re looking out for your mental health: YOU ARE VALID.
Honestly I hate it when parents force their kids to go to college without even considering how their kids feel. What if they don’t feel like going at all? What if they just don’t have interest, huh? Why can’t you just let them choose to not attend college? WE HAVE A CHOICE.
WE HAVE THE CHOICE TO NOT DO COLLEGE IF WE DON’T WANT TO.
#my mom has been forcing me to go to college for a few years now and I keep telling her I DONT HAVE REAL INTEREST IN GOING.#but she just won’t understand#there are classes that im hardly interested in#and honestly? I’d rather earn money than be pressured by deadlines and be graded on for my skills#she says she’s not doing it for herself but for me#when im not even ASKING to go. I never asked to go at ALL#I have the choice. I have the decision.#at least I have a job
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so 😃 my mom threw something at me again today
#all bc i was crying about how we don’t have food and she won’t talk about what we’re going to do about it#she stress procrastinates and acts like problems don’t exist#but to do it the point where your children are starving and you still don’t want to address it bc you can’t handle it? imagine how we feel#*to the point#so neglectful and i’m tired of mom guilt ppl saying i should be understanding#eldest child syndrome fr like i was my sibling other parent figure#*siblings#my mom just wants to be unhealthy and live that way rather than address issues that are actively hurting us all#’you can’t ever let me relax’ we need to eat?????????#📜.scrolls#🫁.vent
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it terrifies me the way so many people keep living without even batting an eye about the genocide that’s happening right in front of our eyes. i will never shut the fuck up about this.
#from the river to the sea#free Palestine#im so fucking pissed rn#was just havin a conversation with my mom and it did not go well#and i want throw up and cry#she makes me so mad#she knows this is wrong#idgaf if she’s scared of trump. idgaf if this is stressful and scary to her it is to me fucking too#which is why I will not ever stfu about this#or ignore this or forget what is going on#and live in comfort#I think the fuck not#I wanna fucking lose my shit rn but I’m not bc that won’t help anything#she’s already said before ‘I don’t have to know anything to know that it’s wrong’ so fucking accept what I have to say then#i pay attention#I know wtf is going on. let me be your fucking tool to help with this instead of getting upset with me!!!!!#she is being a coward#she knows this isn’t right. she’s being selfish#i understand it’s hard but like that’s why we fight#that’s what drives you. the outrage and pain you feel watching innocent people get murdered#I can’t understand her rn. im so done with people her age
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Taylor liking Indian food is important to me
#fun day for desi swiftes#you don’t understand what this means to me#my moms whole white family makes rude comments about any ethic food#won’t even go to restaurants bc the smell#won’t let me cook Indian food when that’s genuinely the only connection I have to my culture
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#idk how to tag this but it’s about my dad who i just went NC with bc he’s abusive and hasn’t changed#so if you don’t want to read keep scrolling i don’t care i just need to fucking do something#i’ve passed rage and now i’m just sad#and i feel bad about being sad bc i don’t want to be sad bc being sad SUCKS#i feel like i’m burdening my friends by telling them the shit my dad did to me#ik realistically im probably not but i just#only three people would truly understand the situation#my mom my sister and my childhood best friend#my sister is off limits bc i’m not putting her in the middle of this again#my mom was also abused by my dad and i don’t want to trigger her or make her feel bad so i don’t feel like#i can always go to her about this shit#and i don’t want to take advantage of my best friend’s listening ear even though she is being supportive of me and everything#like i just feel guilty and i feel like im burdening others with my burden#i want it to all stop i just want to stop being sad#i want to stop feeling like im 7 year old me hiding in the pantry from my dad#i don’t want to go to work i don’t want to do anything really#and it’s not like i want to die i just want to stop feeling like this#i want to stop feeling like i somehow fucked everything up when it was my dad’s fault#ik i should book another therapy appointment but i can’t with the way my week is next week#and idk i’m just#im not having a good time#i’ve taken an ativan every night this week bc of all this#previous to this idk when the last time i took an ativan even was#and i’m not trying to read into it too much but its hard not to when ive gone literal months without taking it#and now i’m taking it every night so i don’t stay up half the night bc my brain won’t shut up
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If I was RICH I would dress SO WELL
#when I was younger I used to get a lot of similar things in slightly different styles#like having 4 gray sweaters#and my mom would get so annoyed at me for it asking why the hell do I need another#and id be like mom you don’t. understand. this one is for the turtleneck. this one is for the slightly cropped cut.#and if I wanted a turtleneck and a slightly cropped cut I would need a whole different one. one of the two won’t work.#this one is for the baggy silhouette and this one is for the tight silhouette like come the fuck on. obviously.#and don’t even get me started on T SHIRTS!#I have like 7 black t shirts and somehow none of them are right
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god. this is so fucking fucked up.
#i purposefully wasn’t telling my grandparents about my mental health issues#because they don’t understand they just don’t#and then my mom just informed me she went ahead and told them everything. without asking me first.#cool cool very cool#and now i’m upset she did that#and she can’t even say sorry. she won’t even acknowledge she’s in the wrong for doing that#and part of the reason i haven’t killed myself yet#is because if i failed i didn’t want to have to explain it to my grandparents#but now i literally have nothing to lose#and i wont be able to face them again because they’re going to hammer me about it and i dont. want. to talk about it.#this is just great#i literally cannot catch a break#it’s just one fucked up thing after another#no one to talk to no one to trust no future to hope for no reason to live#i have fucking nothing. i can’t do this. i can’t#why is this happening to me i don’t understand#snow.txt
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I’m not gonna lie, I’m the type of person to sound like I’m literally dying over the most minor and mundane stuff.
*starts wheezing and coughing like a 70yr old smoker and sounding like a kazoo after laughing too hard*
“*wheeze* I’m *WHEEZE* fine *WHEEZE* I need my meds I’ll be *WHEEZE* fine.” (Actually I am not fine I just don’t like worrying people. But if I didn’t have my meds near me I’d be freaking the fuck out actually.)
*gets a bit too cold because I didn’t anticipate the weather changing so quickly.*
“oh. My hands are super cold and my arms and legs and I’m super itchy now. *looks diseased and about to die of chicken pox or something worse* guys I’m f-f-fine I just need to warm up and I-I-it will go away.”
*goes outside when there’s a high pollen count, or smoke or air pollutants of some kind*
“achanooie, I’m fine guys I’m just having allergies. *eyes literally go red and puffy and is dribbling snot out my nose.* I’m fine :)”
*randomly touches something or brushes against something.*
“Oh shit. What was it this time? *a small or big amount of hives starting to form* I must have touched something on the table I’m allergic to I gotta go wash my arm I’ll be back. *disappears to the back rooms and comes back* well idk what it was but I’m not touching anything else.”
life with chronic illness is fun.. yay
#Asthma#chronic illness#asthmatic#disability#cold urticaria#cold allergy#food allergies#allergies#yes I probably do have some sorta undiagnosed histamine disorder my whole family probably does#I am allergic to the most random shit!#and like 70 things I don’t even know#I’m allergic to the DIRT#or something in dirt#like I want you to understand I am like only like 25% sure every time I try a new food I won’t randomly get anaphylactic shock or something#my mom randomly developed a corn allergy when she before hand she was NEVER ALLERGIC (like anaphylactic allergic!)#my family on my mums side has some fucked up something#and it is weirddddd#-pop#Like ??? The cold. And DIRT and just all sorts of shit I’m like so allergic too I get HIVES every time I touch it#like cruel
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after a rlly bad fight this morning, mom and dad have both agreed to actually pay me for once for doing mom’s whole route for her (which I should’ve been being paid by mom this entire time once I started doing it most of the time) but I don’t expect much. I bet she’s gonna give me like $20 and be like ‘that’s more than enough and that’s all you’re getting period’ and dad, despite him being absolutely loaded with money, will probably only give me $20 too. tbh they BOTH owe me like $100+ a piece. him for babysitting his dog for 8 months and mom for doing her job for her.
#the bosses can’t afford to pay me and I completely understand#and I don’t actually work here so they don’t have to pay me#but they ocassionally give me $20-50 gift cards for general stuff#and they’ve already promised me one for helping mom last week#but I’m getting REALLY tired of doing all this work and further fucking up my foot/back#for free and not being acknowledged for my help#yes her foot’s bad but at this point I rlly think she’s abusing my willingness to help#I should be nice and refuse the money from mom and be like ‘oh u don’t have to do that it’s fine’#but no. I’m gonna get as much money as I can from her bc it’s only fair#for all the free time I’m sacrificing and for her being an overbearing abusive mother#who won’t even let me spend my own money on things I actually want#’oh but you’re not gonna actually use that’ and ‘dolls and plushies are wastes of money’#and she gets mad when I buy makeup but that’s literally something I need for my job (calling drag a job bc it technically is)#and I have to replace a bunch of stuff and upgrade to better quality stuff if I wanna look good and get booked#’well you didn’t earn it yourself so it’s not ACTUALLY your money. it’s mine and your dad’s#so we can control what you buy with it’ you do that yeah#but dad lets me use it on whatever the fuck I could possibly want#anyway fuck off and die in a ditch pls 💕
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I wish my motivation to draw would return….. I’m in a pretty tight spot financially this month again and doing commissions would help a lot 🙃
#my pay check should be bigger next month thankfully#one of my coworkers quit so now i have more shifts#kela did agree to give me money to help pay the medical bills but they won’t cover all of them 😭#and i kinda need to pay my mom back for the taxis and food money she lent me#thankfully she understands my situation and isnt asking me to pay back right now but as soon as i’m able to
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Getting to know my mom as an adult is a beautiful experience. She was very mentally ill, had addictions, and had severe past trauma when I was younger but now that she’s sober and on better medication I can see how truly wonderful she is. She’s always giving the shirt off her back to help her community. She may be feisty but she loves you. She always puts family first. Truly someone wonderful to get to know. I used to question why my dad stayed with her, but now I know.
#personal#don’t mess with my mama#I’ll mess you up over her#she’s also super protective over her kids#just a great women#she’s an er nurse and won a national award for excellence in nursing#she takes care of everyone in her family#she has ten siblings and she loves them to death even if they are deranged#my sister is fifteen years older than me and she is always protecting mom#mom gets into arguments and she’s always there#they grew up together my mom had her at seventeen#my sister had a rough time with mom when she started dating same as me#she doesn’t trust anyone outside of our family very easily because she’s been in two very abusive relationships#my sister told me you will appreciate mom when you’re older and now I understand her#she is a provider and a major gift giver#she loves cooking large meals on holidays and the whole family shows up#she also loves my daughter more than me lol I get jealous sometimes#she told me she was neglectful with me and won’t be for my daughter
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won’t lie, experiencing some horrors
#just cried uncontrollably for like 20 mins#cried like 3 times yesterday too#i have no energy for like anything rn.. went to buy new glasses today tried on 15 pairs hated them all and then went back to my car#and cried because i really need new glasses since i fucked up my current pair and they don’t sit right now and dig into my face#tw death . my grandma passed away while i was flying home from canada#and it sucks because everyone got to be with her and say goodbye but i didn’t#and there’s a viewing tomorrow and my dad thinks i should go since it will be my last chance to see her but i don’t want to#i get that it’s a healing way to say goodbye for some people but i don’t want to see my oma lifeless#i know i’ll never get to see her again and that fucking sucks but she’s gone and i don’t want to see her like that#plus i have work and i already called in sick 2 days i don’t want to leave them short again even if it’s understandable#anyway the funeral is on tuesday at least i have the day off already and don’t have to worry about work#everything sucks soooooo fucking bad rn i won’t lie i’m not doing too great#and i miss el so much like i would kill to be able to hug my gf right now#their mom sent me a video today of them laying on the couch with their parents cat cuz they visited for father’s day#and i’ve cried twice while watching it…#argh. anyway. going to go watch a silly little video of some sort and maybe sleep early cause i haven’t been sleeping well#it’ll be ok 🧡#p
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he got sick so suddenly like it really was a shock to all of us and its so crazy how immediately palpable his absence was :-( and it’s the really little things like how when we came home i still expected him to be waiting by the window or how my dad is still making room for him on the couch or how when i was making my tea before bed i instinctively went to fill his water bowl so he wouldn’t complain abt it not being fresh enough at 2 am :-( i’m gonna miss him coming up into my bed when i’m sleeping in and him hanging out on my desk while i’m working there :-( i know he had a great life and he was incredibly loved and we did the best we could do for him but man :-(
#frowny face seems so small :-(#my dad forced me to go out with a friend just so i wouldn’t wallow which i think was uhm. good i guess.#especially since her cat passed away recently so it was nice being w someone who understands#but man. getting home and expecting him to pop up by the window and then realizing he wouldn’t ever do that again :-(#i feel so bad for my mom because he really loved her he would sleep in bed with her every single night :-( and now he just won’t :-(#BLARGH
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guess where i’m going guys
it’s the psych ward
idk if i’m gonna be an
inpatient (like staying in the hospital)
php (partial hospitalization where i go for like the school day)
outpatient (just don’t get checked in at all but prob still get meds)
#you don’t suck*#little info#tw mental health#tw psych ward#just in case u didn’t know yk#who wants to place bets on which one i get#also i song think my mom understands what “i’m gonna kill myself” means cuz she’s like “but then this really cool school u want to go to#will know and u might not be able to get jn” like i’m gonna kms if i don’t get these meds yk like if i don’t do this i promise u i won’t ge#into that school yk
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