#my mom told my grandma I have pcos | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ancientgoddessofegypt · 1 year ago

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I bought a reading from ancientgoddessofegypt and I am late with my review I promised due to literal failing health and I wanted my review to be perfect for her due to her kindness, talent, speed, and AUTOMATIC SUPER SONIC HYPNOTIC FUNKY FRESH talent and so I am using lyrics as the 90s baby I am.

And emojis cos I right now cannot toss actual biodegradable glitter at her and plan a super cool party in her honor because

1. I'm fucking broke

2. I'm actually dying. Cancer, tumors, PCOS or endo? They dunno but they said they'll get back to me soon! And it was rude of me asking for results at 5pm on Friday. She really did hang up on me.

3. I am 32 and I wanted to see BTS in 2025 and after being suicidal since I was 9 and holding on for so long and now to maybe having cancer and dying before 2025 BTS TIME is lowkey annoying me. I didn't even unwrap my YOONGI MERCH I GOT WHEN MY ASS HAD MONEY BEFORE I GOT SICK.

4. I really said fuck it we ball, and now I might not get to ball? Ain't that bout a bitch.

BUT HER READING WAS THE BESTEST EVER AND I AM BEGGING YOU TO NEVER EVER ADVERTISE ON ETSY FUCK YOU ETSY AND YOU ARE MORE THAN A STAR YOU ARE TALENTED AND KIND AND KINDNESS IS SO RARE THAT I REALLY DO THINK I GAVE WON LOTTO WHEN SOMEONE GOES I HEAR YOU.

When I tell y'all that I was told by my sperm donor today that my dying is upsetting to him because I never told him about my "health problems" and I said wait. I have told you since I was in the single digits and you always replied "I don't wanna hear that shit" and I went? Then how am I suppose to tell you I am dying? "YOU ARE HURTING MY FEELINGS FOR A PAST MISTAKE"

*looks into the camera like the office*

Me informing you of my weak immune system and doing so for 32 years of you knowing me and saying to shut the fuck up if I mention pain is a wild take to have when the pain finally means dying, but ok!

I have literally had several seizures, a constanr fever, and I now have no immune system, and I went damn I ain't even gonna see BTS in 2025 and now I'm in trouble for being sick in the open while in charge of 3 disabled adults with no money.

My tone of dying offendes him.

He went on to blame my poor mental health and believing him when he said he studied my ADHD.

He literally said, no! It WAS YOUR JOB TO INFORM ME OF YOUR SYMPTOMS BUT YOU JUST JUMP SUBJECT TO SUBJECT AND RANT WHEN I ASK FOR HELP.

I really did give up on life there I did. Because I then asked, so me saying several things in several sentences to explain 32 years of health problems is making you angry and making you feel bad because I said I am now dying due to you ignoring my health and I wanted to know what I can do for you and mom before I die since I am well, dying.

Me dying from problems I continued to tell you about and you kept telling me it was rude to talk about and unladylike is now my fault? Because I should have said it nicer?

When I cried in pain you told me to shut the fuck up.

When I went quiet you yelled at me saying I was a bitch.

Now I am dying and don't look pretty, and you're upset I closed my door to cry about me dying.

While I am literally cleaning up your liquid shit, mom's pee stained mattress, and now grandma's dementia and novody left me money to do antthing but a text saying God Bless ajd WATCH YOUR TONE!

I'm laughing because deadass, God forbid women do anything.

Tumblr, am I the asshole for asking how I can continue to be of perfect daughter service although I am actively dying and trying to inform parents of said dying when for years they told me to "shut the fuck up" and "all you young people do is talk about death"!

Doesn't matter now folks. I am out of time soon unless some deity steps in, the USA healthcare system thinks of black women as humans, and I can afford said treatment.

But wild how me dying and not looking pretty got the VA doctors to step in and finally ask for extra testing because "hmmm you have little to no immune system and this will hurt your chance of becoming pregnant" let's take a look?

I asked for help for over a decade now, and was told help would arrive when my husband and I want children and I do not get pregnant quickly.

I'm 32, a virgin, and asexual. But thank you for that solid medical advice.

Red state? Well technically the world thinks Georgia is purple aka red and blue and a swing state, but I've been here since I was in 6th grade and it's absolutely red.

But you're black?

Yes. And the black people here are mainly red. And Christian. I am not.

"Move?"

Chronic pain and several disabilities not taken serious because I am "pretty, smart, and have a smart phone". I have literally less than $1000 in my bank account and at this point I'm just drinking energy drinks and buying my cat whatever she wants.

Yoongi, my bestie in my head, the fucking way I might not get to see you in person again with the whole BTS squad and Halsey...

I really said fuck it, we ball, and the universe said girl... The thing is...

Yoongi, bro I got this new galaxy z flip4 with the last of my savings (shoutout to backmarket for letting me coupon while dying awoman) and i only update my phone every 3-5 years and only for under $300 lmaooooo and bro...

Min Yoongi I don't even get to write you a sticky note saying "please wear saftey glasses when sanding wood, the dust can be harmful to your eyes and if i had a wood shop class you would be escorted out for not having glasses on and if you said but it's not big deal i would go 🫥 and nod and smile.

And because I LOVE YOU i am going to be in the spirit of Swag Surfin for you. But my heart? I am going this dumbass water sign really on the front row of Samsung who I thought he owned in 2021 but he don't, and he not gonna own it cos he thinks sanding wood WITHOUT glasses is no big deal. All purple everything frfr but bro... What the fuck. i gotta get him to be safe with wood and DUST i am... bro... the dust! Samsung ceos Min Yoongi is the best at rapping and being cool forgive his woodwork vlogs without safety glasses i know in his HEART THAT IS FULL OF PURPLE LOVE is committed to greatness. (please help me use this z flip 4 phone b4 i die i'mma figure it out)

someone: she's dying and beefing with a kpop dude not wearing safety goggles while in a wood working area and sanding? am i reading this review of services correct? 🤔🤔🤔

yeah. libra sun libra mercury libra mars. scorpio rising. lilith in capricorn. virgo moon. iconic huh? 😉

i wanna be in a pink jumpsuit recycling in Barbie land with pink safety equipment. but i'm in the real world and was shoved to the air force for being too smart and conviently poor.

the usa doesn't have a conscription its so much better than south korea hehehe says the online western chatter

Shoutout to us niggas in the usa, and when i say us niggas, i mean us black girlies who were told we talk too white and we better NOT have a baby with our fast ass and you better do better than them cos they not gonna listen to you anyways, oh and fuck your man hating ass for thinking your father and brother and male family members should treat others with respect! ya lil oreo ass think you too good now thinkin you know things. God don't like ugly! and you thinkin that sex without consent is rape is crazy talk and you need to mind ya fuckin business and what the fuck you mean i'm abusive? I GAVE YOU FOOD CLOTHING AND TOYS AND NOW YOU WANNA BRING UP OLD SHIT ABOUT ME NOT BELIEVING YOUR PAIN? WELL I DID THE BEST I COULD AND YOU YOUNG FOLKS TODAY THINK DEATH DEATH DEATH AND THE TIKITY TOK AND HUMAN RIGHTS AND THE WHITE MAN GOT TO RAPE FOR YEARS AND GET AWAY ON TV WITH IT BUT OUR MEN GET IN TROUBLE? NOW?SEEM LIKE BULLSHIT TO ME! WHY YOU KEEPING A BROTHA DOWN????? WE ALL WE GOT. IF YOU JUST KEEP GOD IN YOUR HEART AND STOP LISTENIN TO THEM LIL GAY ASS KPOP BOYS WITH MAKEUP YOU'D KNOW. AND BELIEVE HER? SHE WAS THE ONE WITH WEAVE DOWN TO HER ASS AND AT THE CLUB AT 2AM SHE SHOULDA KEPT HER BLACK ASS IN THE HOUSE MAKIN HER PUSSY MUSIC SEE Y'ALL WANT EQUAL RIGHTS BUT IF I HIT YOU YOU WANNA CRY FOUL SEE THATS THAT BULLSHIT YOU CANT HAVE IT BOTH WAYS BITCH. ANYWAYS DO YOU. I KNOW WHATS RIGHT.

*applauds Tyler Perry movie of a black man mocking a black woman in a dress*

*applauds Kanye for speaking the truth about "the Jews"*

*says black women should know better than to leave home at night, on the weekends, at rush hour, during the holidays, and while being alone*

*makes fun of darker skinned black women*

*frames Bull Cosby as innocent and Aaliyah was a whore who asked for it and her parents signed the papers so what can you do*

*i'm not against the gays* *calls crying bitch ass behavior*

*judges black women for hair(all hair, long short curly straight she should know better either way)*

*if you read the poor dad rich dad book then you'd be somewhere*

*yells at cashier for not smiling* so you don't want a job? entitled bitch doesn't deserve $15 for standing there!* worker not getting even $10 but go off i guess?

*when you having kids? i wanna spoil someone now*

*You always bringing up that man hating white women shit.*

I asked for equality and you said I hated men. You told me she's a whore, and she's a man hating dyke bitch. She's pretty and she's ugly for thinking she is pretty.

She better take care of her whole family, and start her own while being independent and knowing her place, under the Man.

Questions? Disobience. Liberal arts bullshit.

Black Lives Matter. BOUT DAMN TIME.

Black women? Well you see.... She wore this and sure girl power but not like that, and what do you mean this is bad? she asked for it being in the dark in the movies in room with men in that building in that lip gloss in that area without an alarm without a gun she knew better!

I don't know any black men who has mistreated a girl like that! she lyin! i can tell by the way she looks. lyin ass raggity black bitch. this why black men hate y'all lil weavealicious black bitter bitches.

"i'm sick of trump and his bullshit shit." *parrots trump talking points word for word* no this different because i have never hit your mother even though i should have beat her ass for the way she talked to me and i told her everyday to be thankful i don't hit her and that me calling her stupid isn't so bad because other women have marks so fuck you for saying i hate women when i forgave my nephew for sexually assaulting several women because God said forgive and that is MY opinion!

he, my black dark skinned father and light skinned black mother says "we all we got" and i am just an oversensitive bitter man hating bitch who needs to calm down cos other people have it worse.

we. all. we. got.

then i ain't got shit huh.

Anyways it be ya own squad.

Dying at this point would be a relief from the hell that has been being a black woman in the USA in the last 32 years.

But the love reading i got gave me strength to speak up about my troubles to one more person and the woman started a direct case for getting me help.

i'll keep y'all updated if you want.

if this is confusing i am sorry frfr but at this point i'm lowkey not caring about typos

and i am so sorry my samsung homies but the emojis...

whew... they ugly.

Yoongi. Yoongi. Yoongi

i turnedback on my old ass cheap ass iphone and got a new number within like 15 hrs of switching to samsung.

the way my libra ass couponed 2 phones and under $50 for 2 phone lines is kinda iconic for a dying poor bitch huh! 🤌🏾

😷😷😷😷😷😷😷😷😷😷😷😷😎🧐🤠

i just wanted to use the cowboy emoji cos heehaw and i was a horse girl and this could probably explain so much if i thought about it more but i'm not cos i'm sleepy and found a cherry vanilla coke and i wanna play the bts island game. add me borahae hoes everyone welcome soon as i remember my login in

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💓💓💓💓💗💗💖🩷💖💞💞💕💕💕❣️❣️💟💘💘💘💌💌💌🩷🩷🩷💜🧡🩵🧡💙💛💚💛💚💛💜🧡🤎🩷❤️💞❤️🩷💥💥💥💫💫💫💯💯💯💯💯

buy her reading i am so serious.

like i am literally wanting to know how much more time i have left from testing for several varioua bad outcomes and i am using my time to write this I AM SO SORRY I AM LATE SIS I REALLY AM!!!!!

OMG I LOVE YOU!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR REVIEW BABES I LOVE THIS <33333333

#oracle reviews

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billgenbrough · 6 months ago

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I got a letter in the mail to remind me to schedule an appointment with a specialist because they told me to schedule an appointment for a year out. How about NO, bitch

Bro sucked so bad. Did a cortisol test, said my cortisol was fine, and refused to test my reproductive hormones. He literally told me, "Your gynecologist can keep giving you medications."

1. I'VE NEVER SEEN A GYNCOLOGIST. The meds were from my old PCP to give me a jumpstart on treatment because she knew it would take a few months to get into the endocrinologist. He would know that if he actually listened to me or looked at the fucking referral.

2. THE REFERRAL WAS FOR HIM TO CHECK MY REPRODUCTIVE HORMONES. I've had symptoms of high testosterone since I started puberty, but most doctors brushed it off until I saw my old PCP in the summer of 2023. She took one look at my noted symptoms and decided she would treat me for possible PCOS. She referred me to the endocrinologist because she (the PCP) was actually only a NP and thought he could help more (spoiler: he didn't)

3. HE WAS THE FUCKING ENDOCRINOLOGIST. His JOB was literally to check reproductive hormones. What the fuck do you mean you're going to push it off to another doctor?

4. I HAVE AN EXTENSIVE MEDICAL HISTORY OF REPRODUCTIVE ISSUES. Pretty much every woman on my mom's side of the family has had reproductive issues (the majority even had a hysterectomy before the age of 40) and I'm not sure about my dad's side (they don't talk about medical stuff). I feel like if I were to tell a doctor that (handful had cervical cancer, including my mom, and my grandma actually had a uterine tumor for the better part of her life) they should be pretty concerned about the possibility of me having a serious problem.

Sorry for how stupid this post is. Doctors have just been fucking me over practically my entire life. But fuck it, we ball

#atlas adventures #also side note: someone yell at me to take my meds

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humanpossum-blog · 6 years ago

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i was a chubby kid but the first time i purged was in the second grade. my mom used to hang pictures of models in the fridge and pantry along w the infamous quote “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.” i tried to bring up to her the damage that did to me and she said “well it was for me and my weight loss” and i’m just! aghast! how did you find it acceptable to put that in the home when you had a young daughter? girls who start dieting at a young age are 15x more likely to develop an eating disorder. the first diet my family put me on was at 10. my grandma told a waiter, “don’t bring her anymore sweet tea she needs to lose weight,” when I was barely in fifth grade.

i was told by a psychiatrist when i was 15 that i was too big to have an eating disorder. now, at 22, i’ve done permanent damage to my teeth, esophagus and GI tract from purging and restricting since the second grade. i was diagnosed at 18 with pcos and the doctor told me i needed to be one hundred pounds lighter, which would put me at 100lbs at the time. they put me on metformin and it destroyed my appetite and (tmi) made me have constant diarrhea. i lost weight finally through starvation and purging and i was congratulated. i even tried to be honest when people asked me how i did it. and i got responses like “oh well you gotta do what you gotta do.” to this day i feel uncomfortable saying i have an ED because i don’t “look” like it, but the idea of what an ED looks like is glamorized, white washed, among other things in the media. anyone can have an ED, it does not discriminate.

anyway i’m mad today. i’m mad that i was bullied, harassed, and taught self hatred at such a young age and that a healthy relationship with food was stolen from me before it could even begin.

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iapetusneume · 4 years ago

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Its super gross how prevelant the push for physical childbearing is, even among those who want to adopt.

I realized extremely early on that I had a similar body build to my grandma and aunts who had a lot of problems with childbirth. Like, I picked up on this in my teens. And hearing about their near-death experiences in delivery terrified me.

I also saw what life was like for a lot of single parents. Mostly single moms. I decided that if I ever had kids, I would adopt, and only if my partner also wanted kids.

And I got so much flack for this! I kept being told that I would change my mind about physically bearing kids. When I would counter about how I wasn't saying no to motherhood - that it would just be a different way - I was dismissed.

That's a pretty shitty thing for everyone who has been adopted, right? They are seen as the last option.

People couldn't wrap their heads around the idea that I would consider adoption without trying to have a child physically first.

My sister almost died having her first child. Probably would have without modern medicine.

I don't know my fertility status, and its not something I need to know.

Oh, and those observations I made about myself and my aunts and grandma? Turns out PCOS runs in my family. I found out I have it 5-ish years ago, and more recently the rest of my family found out, too. Not just me and my aunts but also a lot of my cousins.

And sometimes I wonder if being queer helped dampen these questions, or maybe marrying a woman who already had a child did. But I am thrilled to be a mom and that I get the chance to be one, and in a similar manner that I wanted to be.

People can know what they want from a young age. Stop telling them that they'll change their minds.

stop telling your teenage daughters who say they don't want kids that they'll change their mind

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jpn-pcos · 4 years ago

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For some this pandemic has made many people very motivated about their Health and well-being and has propelled a lot of people to get healthy and in-shape. My bro is an example of this. He had a health scare back in Thanksgiving of 2019 and since the pandemic started he got himself a home gym and started working his way to the shape that he is now. I can truly say he is in the best shape of his life.

For others, such as myself, this pandemic has really made me realize how utterly helpless and useless I am. If you have been following my blog you would know all about my life struggle. Well, this pandemic just made me see how utterly useless I am. My health hasn’t gotten better. In fact, after taking two dose of the COVID19 vaccine, Each time, I had huge adverse reactions. Having all the negative reactions listed by all and in addition amplifing my own health issues and pains. In particular, my right quadrant abdominal/ovarian/intestinal pains that seems to radiate from the front to the back. These days it seems to include the whole front intestines as well as amplifing my lower back pains. I am starting to be concern that it may not be so simple. I am starting to question whether I have inflamed intestines or worse, tumor or cancer in my intestines or a busted appendix. Would that be possible? Beside my ovarian cyst, what else could be causing me all this torture and pain. How can one cyst cause all this problem? It has to be more to the story. Is there?

Literally in tears 😭 from the pain, lack of sleep, lack of peace... I said to my mom and grandma that I can’t take this torture anymore and that it be better if God lessened my suffering and take my life sooner than later. Upon hearing that, my mom lashed out and said I caused all this suffering on my own because I am stubborn and that I did this to myself starting from my college days to my time living alone in Queens during my internship and beyond. That my lack of sleep and my intense lifestyle over the years caused my own downfall. Could she had been right? Did I cause this to myself. I had suffered my whole life with this. Starting from age 9 until my first diagnosis of PCOS in my early 20s to Now in my late 30s, it seems the problem and pain just keep on escalating to a point of no repair. How do I repair this damage. Mom and gramps thinks I need to change my sleep habits, sleep more at night time and wake up early in day time and exercise more. Lose weight and strengthen myself like my bro did. If it’s only that Easy. In a full month, if I am lucky, I only feel well, truly well ... one week in the four weeks. It’s that bad and sad.

Then my mom and gramps started telling me about their own struggles/pain and their own menstrual struggles during their young adult life. Listening to it, it was like we three were competiting to see whom had the worser life and the worser pain. It seems all three of us had it bad. Three generations of pain and suffering. One generation after the next. It seems they had lived longer than me and endure more than me and from their story, their pain far exceeded mine. Is that possible? I am at the point of pain that I just want God to take me back to heaven now. They told me, they had it worse and even in their struggles they had not prayed for early death. So they looked at me... especially my grandma and said, you are the youngest amongst us and have lived the less, how can you hope for death when you should be hoping for long lasting life. In Chinese she said, men (humans) should pray for life and survival and not for death. Then grandma said, when at the age that she is now (late 80s/early 90s), she has not once pray for death but for continue life. She said life is short and one must walk the road and path and God decides when our time will come. Basically, my mom and grandma is telling me, I have no business hoping for death when I have so much life to live at 37 and it’s up to me to make my health better. To start each day and strengthen my own body. Cause in the end no one can save me except for myself.

They are telling me that I need to look after myself because no one else will. Then mom said, with my health, no man would want to be with me. Who wants that burden. She is right about that and I have long known that. That’s why I never expected anyone to fall in love with me, to want to be with me, nor do I want anyone to bear my burden. It’s my own. Only someone whom truly loves me beyond measure would sacrifice to take care of me and be with me. I don’t think In this world that person exist. Everyone is selfish in their own way. I truly wish someone like that would come along. But I doubt it. Nor do I want nor need to burden anyone else that doesn’t want to be burden.

In short, I will try my best to make myself semi healthy if not fully healthy. My grandma is right, I have no business asking for death. It’s not my time. When it is my time, God will let me know. If you know my story, you would know, many times, it seemed like it was my time as I was in dangerous situations, but God saved me each and every time. I guess it wasn’t my time yet. Maybe I haven’t suffered enough. Maybe I haven’t learned enough. Maybe I haven’t done all that God needed me to do or see. Maybe it’s not my time yet. When it’s my time, I guess I will know. Until then, I guess I need to live, persevere and not give up hope. Not give up on this life that Dima tells me I need to hold onto.

I pray God to give me the courage to face and battle this pain and this suffering. I pray that my angels look after me and soften my burden and pain. I pray that God bring and gives me mercy. I pray that I can become the strong person that everyone thinks that I am. Afterall, I am an empathetic person and as such I can feel others pains and suffering. I can see through others emotions, facades and lies... it’s a gift and a curse, but I can empathize with almost any one and can walk through their shoes.

I just wish, someone out there can empathize with me and Walk a day in my shoes and understand exactly how I feel and provide me some type of comfort. I wish one day, I can get the same feeling from someone, the way I make others feel. This Aura, Dima call it... I wish I can receive it too.

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fiberglasscotttoncandy · 7 years ago

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I’m really freaked out about my surgery. I’m aware of there being so much more wrong with my body now than I was a year ago when I had my laparoscopy. I’m worried about having a reaction and waking up unable to breath. Last time I woke up from surgery I was choking and gasping for breath for awhile. It felt like I had had a reaction to something. Thankfully this time I will be on a bunch of different antihistamines and prednisone.

I just want it to be over so I can stop seeing it happen in my head over and over again. I just keep thinking about how I’m going to be so freaked out the day of the surgery and how I have to drink a ton of bowel prep stuff the day before. I just want to know for sure if I still have Endometriosis and if I have Adenomyosis or not. I’m also wondering if there’s something else that’s been causing my pain, like fibroids or something. My grandma told me she had a grapefruit sized fibroid in her uterus and had to have a hysterectomy for it. I wouldn’t doubt that she may have had Endometriosis too. She told me her periods were extremely heavy and painful for years. My other grandma, my mom, and my aunt all said they had painful periods too. I think in their cases it could be due to Hypothyroidism and PCOS in my aunt’s case. I think my mom may have PCOS too, but she’d probably never bother looking into it.

#PCOS #Endometriosis #Adenomyosis #Hypothyroidism #hysterectomy #MCAS

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kakkked · 7 years ago

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A year ago, I promised myself I was done. I promised myself I would never fall in love again. I did so because love isn’t real. You don’t know it’s full capacity until it’s already gone and you’re stuck laying on your bedroom floor, at 5 in the morning dry heaving because there are no more tears, and calling out of work because you can’t bare to even catch your breath, let alone put clothes on and try to make it through a shift.

11 months ago, I promised myself it was my last drink, my last blunt, my last drag, my last trip, as I frantically searched for how I was going to find happiness without these things. I went out every night, I wasn’t sober for more than .02 seconds. How could I be when every time I was I remembered that he left me, that I was alone. I took a trip to my hometown, and spent the whole weekend on various drugs, followed by various shots. I spent the weekend with a boy who I knew was no good for me, just because he held me for a night.

10 months ago, is a blur. I was doing bumps in the bathroom at work with a girl I barely knew, just because she made me feel alive again. I was sleeping with a guy I met online because I was secretly hoping he would give me an std and it would kill me.

9 months ago, I was smoking an ounce a week and pretending that he was a great guy. I was in a completely other world, telling myself that he never hurt me. I completely convinced myself that the trip to the hospital was an accident, that him throwing me in the wall was my fault, and worst of all, that he loved me, and just didn’t know how to show it. I was single-handedly indirectly killing myself.

8 months ago, I was hoping that I would get pregnant because maybe, just maybe, he would grow up and realize that I was the only one for him. I was falling asleep crying, knowing he was fucking another girl. I was losing my voice from screaming so often, and dressing all up to go out to bars and pretending that he wasn’t ever a part of my life for a night.

7 months ago, I sobered up. I went to his family’s house for the holidays. I went on shopping trips with his mom, told her that he was the only one I would ever love and I just wanted to build a happy life with him. 7 months ago, his mom told me I was the best thing to ever happen to him, and she was so proud of who he had become while with me, without knowing he sent me to the hospital months before.

6 months ago, I was diagnosed with PCOS, and told I couldn’t have kids. I cried in the doctors office for an hour before going home. I told him what the doctor said and he rejoiced the same thing that hurt me. I decided I was officially done.

5 months ago, one of my best friends told me he loved me, but not enough to be with me, not enough to care for me the way I needed to be cared for. I was, once again, doing bumps in the bathroom at work, and finding my happiness at the bottom of a bottle or a full grinder. I turned 20 and almost over dosed on cocaine mixed with shrooms and acid. I almost got hit by a car because I was hallucinating and I thought the headlights were stars. I quit my job the next day.

4 months ago, I officially said goodbye to my stepdad, 14 years after the matter. I visited my hometown and almost got arrested because of the amount of paraphernalia in my possession, but didn’t because someone else took the fall. I almost beat the shit out of a girl who was manipulating my best friend, and ruining her. I sat on my dead grandmas grave and flooded her headstone while begging for her to just point me in the direction I was supposed to go.

3 months ago, I went to California with my best friend. I got to show her my city, and why it was so much better than our hometown. She helped me move back to my hometown, to get me away from him and the toxic household I was in.

2 months ago, I started working again. I got enrolled back into school, I was making new friends and eating healthy.

1 month ago, I laid in a driveway with my cousin as I stared at the stars, blunt in one hand and pills in the other, and asked myself who I really was. I questioned my existence and if anything at all were real. I once again convinced myself that I would never fall in love again. I promised myself I would never let anyone hurt me that much again. I popped the pills, hit the blunt, and went about my business.

Today, a year later, I’m writing this, with a heavy heart and tear stained pillow. I’m not happy here, nor am I supposed to be here. I am unintentionally, intentionally self-destructing, and the worst part is I don’t even care. I smoked my last cigarette today and told myself it would be my last. Ten minutes later I was on my way to tobacco hut to buy another pack.

#kakkedsmurff personal #depression #love #heartbreak #broken #drugs #alcohol #addiction #abuse #im not okay #no motivation #self destruction

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dillonvonpickles · 6 years ago

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SO MUCH. WINNING. (probably triggers so be careful)

I am not sensitive to other people as this is my blog for my personal journey soooooo, here we are.

My life you guys. I have so much to talk about, but so much I feel like no body cares about. I came out to everyone, my mom was “pissed” at me because I gave her the opportunity to not understand. She left me read for an hour, and “apologized” to me for “sounding harsh, she just thought her kids knew they were loved and accepted.”

WILD. I guess it could have gone worse, I know I shouldn’t complain, but that was my time and I wasn’t going to let her platform it. I didn’t give her any extra care or attention over it. I haven’t talked to her since, who cares?

I care so much, but she doesn’t care about me. I might have talked about my mom already, but I don’t know. She felt she deserved a phone call from me about this, but I felt I deserved a phone call from her on my birthday.

Sorry not sorry, mother.

My GRANDMOTHER IS EVERYTHING. She’s not comfortable calling me Dillon yet, and that’s okay, her and my mother both wanted to pick my name out, but I am Dillon Ray and that’s the end of it, they’ll come around. My grandma calls me Cecil to not call me by my birthname and it’s so much effort from her. She was upset with my mom, she couldn’t understand how she could try and take this away from me, how she could be “pissed off” about the message. She thought it was well written, I was able to take my time and mean everything that I said. She tries harder than any person I have ever met, and my life would not be the same without that woman.

ANYWAY. MOVING ON TO MORE EXCITING NEWS.

I HAD MY DOCTORS APPOINTMENT YESTERDAY.

I love her. She’s amazing. She went over the informed consent with me, she put me on a med that should help with weight loss, also if I didn’t have enough dysphoria, we spoke about pap smears but she told me “you can tell us to fuck off anytime if you get too uncomfortable.” it was the nicest thing ever, so that might be in the future?

I was honest with her, I told her I just like to forget it even exists, but I KNOW I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF SO HERE I AM IN A DILEMMA DO I KILL MYSELF ACKNOWLEDGING MY MANCAVE-GINA OR NOT AND NEVER KNOW IF SOMETHING IS WRONG.

oh the whole entire thing about this was because the new med i am on is for PCOS that I apparently have?

I have only had 4 periods in my life, I am blessed to not have to feel the dysphoria of that every month. I am sorry to my brothers who do.

sigh~~~

Anyway, I got my blood work done yesterday, I go back on November 1st, HERE I AM.

I AM BECOMING DILLON RAY.

My doctor said, most insurances like for FTM to be T for a year, before top surgery, if insurance pays for it. I am okay with a year, I can handle a year. I got my paper for the BMV SO I CAN CHANGE MY SEX MARKER ON MY DRIVERS LICENSE THOUGH SO FUCK YOU ALLLLLLLL. I am so happy.

I should be learning how to do my T shot in two weeks. I should be that much closer to who I was born to be.

#trans #LGBTQ+#transgender #ftm #ftm hrt #becoming #T #pre hrt #dl #gender dysphoria #personal #diary #support system #belonging #transition

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angrybelieverconnoisseur-blog · 7 years ago

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Phoenix Arizona Cheap car insurance quotes zip 85017

"Phoenix Arizona Cheap car insurance quotes zip 85017

Phoenix Arizona Cheap car insurance quotes zip 85017

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://financeandcreditsolutions.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr

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I recently got a speeding ticket and y parents are going to kill me. I need to know of my insurance will go up. I'm only 16 and we have State Farm Insurance and the insurance is liability. It is in the state of Tennessee. I really need to know if the insurance is going to come up or if I can just pay it of without my parents knowing.

What is the cost of premium insurance for 2003 pontiac vibe driven by a female only insured driver.?

Phoenix Arizona Cheap car insurance quotes zip 85017

Can you sell a car without insurance?

Hi all, Right, i want to sell my car. I have cancelled my car insurance and the car is parked on Private Land (off-road). The car DOES have valid TAX & MOT. If a potential buyer wants to view/test drive my car, will he be allowed to drive the car on the public road? As i have no insurance, would his Fully Comp cover my car to 3rd Party? The buyer will only be driving it for about 10-15 minutes. Thanx in advance!""

""I've got a '74 Dodge Avco RV, how much would it cost for insurance?""

It's 28 footer. And maybe if you knew how much it would cost for tires and even a lube and tune, i would appreciate it!""

I have no insurance how much does it cost to fix a broken windshield (the back windshield).?

GMAC Auto Insurance Experience?

Anyone have GMAC auto insurance? If you do, please share your experience on how they apply discount and handle claims. I ask around for quotes online and the 2 insurance that gave me good quotes are Wawanesa and GMAC. Both seems to be good company but I would like to get some input from my fellow yahoo users. I currently have Allstate but their prices keeps going up instead of going down for all the discounts they put on my record ie. good driver, Home Owners, multiple policy and renewal. I ask the agent every renewal but they keep telling me that the insurance rate is going up in California which I doubt should happen every 6 months. Please no advertisement.""

Can I drive this car without insurance?

So i just bought a new 350z model 06 from someone and i was wondering if i can drive it for couple of days. I live in California, near oakland and san jose. I heard people telling me that when u buy a new/used car u can drive it for 15-30 days without insurance. If someone knows a link to some stuff about this please tell me :D Thanks.""

Why is my car insurance so high?

I have full coverage insurance on my 2005 Honda civic and I am paying a little over $850 every six months. Every quote I get isn't much better. Why is it so expensive? My insurance lady says that it's because I am a young driver with a newer car. But my YOUNGER sister has a car 2 years newer than mine and she pays about $350 less every six months. I have no tickets on my record. I did have my license suspended about 5 years ago. Why is it so expensive and how can I get it down? I can't afford this sh* t. Thank you!

""Wrecked best friends car, no license, I'm uninsured, 18 and terrified! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!!!?""

So, I am 18, and yesterday my cousin was planned to come in from the UK at the Sky Harbor Airport in, Arizona. On my way there I was driving at a close speed limit of 50, speed limit was 45, approaching a red light, I was slowing down, when something abruptly ran across the road, close to the car, causing me to slam on the breaks, losing control of the wheel, and I tumbled 4 times over the street, busting the side window, scraping some paint, and cracking the windshield. Thankfully, I was not hurt, no neck, back, leg, or any body injuries for that matter. The police was near by, so helped me out, firefighters took care of me, to make sure I was okay. And then the report happened. I told them the honest truth, they said that I won't be arrested, or given a ticket, but I do have to go to court to prove I had no insurance. I don't know what to do, I know it was completely idiotic driving without a license, and no permit, with no insurance, but my friend has insurance on the car. I have the police report, and I don't know what I have to do, but I will help him with anything as this is my best friend, and I am not straying away from this situation. Will his insurance cover this? Do I look okay is this situation? PLEASEEEE! Someone help me! I'm desperate for advice, I've definitely learned my lesson, and I have no family here in Arizona as they are all in Georgia, I am here for school at ASU, please tell me his insurance will cover this!""

Where can i get cheap car insurance?

im driving a six years old Saab aero convertible.and on red 'p' and im 26yrs old.i was told i have to pay near $5000 a year .is there any other way to get around it?

Can i register a car under my name even though it will be under my parents insurance?

i wanna get a car but i cant afford insurance at this time, my parents said it might be cheaper to just add my car to there insurance but can i still register the vehicle under my name?""

Does anybody have Affordable Health Care benefits for individuals and the entire family?

Are you or your family looking for affordable Premier Health Care Savings Plan with up to $2,000 Accident Coverage with only $100 Deductible(on or off the job at school or at play)You ...show more""

How much does insurance range to for motorcycles?

What is the best insurance for a new driver?

Im 18 and just got my license in october 2013. I bought a 1992 honda civic and I dont know what insurance is best for me. What do you guys suggest? I live in orange county, if that helps haha thanks!""

I have cancelled my car insurance?

I have cancelled my car insurance for my old car , because I have bought a new car . . . Now I am waiting to sell it , but I don't know where I should keep it . . Is there any problems if I'll leave in front of my house in the car park without a insurance ? Thank You""

I have a question about a car wreck and insurance?

I got rear-ended the other day and it's the first time I've ever been in an accident. I got an estimate and it was $1800 dollars. I paid $800 for the car! I have heard of people using the money for other things, I was wondering can I just keep the money and sell the car and maybe buy a new one, or do I have to have it fixed at the place I got the estimate at? I'm also wondering if there is anything I should look out for as far as crafty insurance people? He's coming to inspect the car tomorrow. Thanks for your reply.....""

Will filing a claim raise both insurance rates?

I just got in a car accident and my car is pretty messed up in the front. However, the truck's rear bumper only has a few scratches on it and it was my fault. If he decides to file a claim, will his insurance rates go up also?""

Can I drive my car while waiting to get my tags and insurance?

I just recently (like today) bought a car from a private party, and I don't have insurance yet. I have to get my insurance over the phone, but I don't know if they'll take ...show more""

What is the cheapest way for me to get car insurance?

So I am in a bit of a pickle. I was fortunate enough for my mom to buy me car. However, I need to pay for insurance. She has an insurance company but I am not allowed to be added on it until I am 21, because her car is a company car and has special insurance. So I cannot be added under her. So what is the cheapest way to insure my new car. Do my own insurance and pay a lot more $$. Or have her do another insurance on this car and add me as a secondary driver. Although, we would both be paying insurance and I am the only one driving. Bit it would pretty much cost the same. What do I do to get a cheap insurance company and how! NOTE: Please do not leave a link and say go to this website (They never work, take forever, need all this info, and some cost money) Also dont say call an insurance company. For now just please give me advice. Thanks (:""

What is the cheapest DUI insurance in california for a male when i become 18?

I just want liability for other drivers and i will get a crappy car so i dont need coverage for it. & I am 17 now. Am i able to get insurance if i don't have someone 18 or older sign for it? any ideas? Thank you

Car insurance when go to college?

i'll be living in the dorm for college this fall, and my parents decide to cut my car insurance since i only come home for thanksgiving(7 days), winter break(1 month), spring break(10 days), and summer(2 months). is it possible to buy insurance temporarily for those breaks that i come back? thanks""

""If I get a car registered to me, can I still be on my parents insurance?""

does it make sense,like I want the title to it, but still want to be on their insurance. It wouldn't seem like my car if they had both the tittle and insurance with me as a secondary driver!""

Insurance help please?

When buying car insurance, I'm looking at fully comprehensive what is volentary and compulary excess? Hwta do these amounts mean. Also, my car got broken into twice this year and my partner was in an accident so we have a LOT of claims... Any tips for keeping my insurance down? Im trying all of the search engines, but this is busting my brain!!""

""What will insurance cost me on a 1977 corvette, or even a 1988 corvette?""

I'm a 16 year old male, new driver, and my mom wont allow me to get this corvette which is at a great price of 4,000. She says the insurance will be to high, is this true?""

Can paying monthly for car insurance increase credit score?

I was just wondering if I pay my monthly insurance bill if my credit score would go up? I am trying to build my credit score after having a real bad score. I know that if you have a recurring payment it will increase the score, but does that include car insurance? I have the money to pay my insurance for the year all at once (birthday present) but if it helps my score to pay monthly, I'll just keep the money in my account and pay monthly. Thanks!""

Does car insurance cover only one car per policy?

Like, if I had many cars, would the policy cover all those cars for one fee or would I have to get insurance for each car? I feel like each policy only covers one car but I'm not for sure which is why I'm here. And if there is such a car insurance that covers x amount of cars for one fee, let me know. Thanks for taking the time to answer this.""

Taxes on insurance?

My sister passed away in a plane crash and the plane was insured. If the insurance company wrote me a check for $50,000 how much should I be expecting to pay in taxes? I'm so confused....""

Phoenix Arizona Cheap car insurance quotes zip 85017

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/why-has-welfare-programs-failed-usa-poverty-highest-record-lara/"

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g-mo-ney-blog · 7 years ago

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This year, I lost Nina and grandma Joanne. I got through my senior year as fast as I could. I was rejected from three colleges and then torn between three; when I finally chose a school I felt like it was the wrong one. I spent my summer struggling to connect with my friends who I didn’t share interests with anymore. I was diagnosed with PCOS and might be hypothyroid. I had a fling with a guy who wasn’t good enough for me. I moved out of my childhood home into a college dorm and an overall unfamiliar, uncomfortable place. I nearly failed my intro psych class. I was too intimidated to become involved with a few clubs that really interested me. I felt myself comparing my first semester of college to everyone else’s, and found that they were all having a better time with me in pretty much every way: academics, roommates, hall mates, clubs, and friends. I felt like the only way to have a social life was by hanging out with my friends from home, even though I desperately wanted to branch out from them and could feel them branching out from me. I had a crush on a guy the first few weeks of school, and he kissed me in the woods behind the architecture school; I learned later it was his first kiss, and I don’t know if he ever had feelings for me or not, we stopped talking to each other after it happened. I took a pregnancy test over thanksgiving break. I never went to volunteer at my shifts at the nursing home. I came home from school to a family that felt disjointed. My mom and little brothers had lost faith and gained cynicism, and I think it was because they were hurting, and no matter how hard I tried to be silly and cheerful and make them feel happy I felt like I couldn’t fix them.

I also gained a lot of direction. I finally feel a lot of passion and have a major in mind. I worked tirelessly through my senior year, and finished with a 5 on every AP exam, including Calculus and Physics. My calc teacher was so proud of me he emailed me the day scores came out just to let me know. I got to go to Folly Beach for spring break. I got to ski with my grandpa and my brothers. I received a merit-based scholarship to an honors program in a school 7 miles from Folly. I got the faculty award from my teachers and a Jefferson cup. I got to go to Bonnaroo with 14 friends. When we were there, we made crazy memories and got to see insane concerts: Chance the Rapper, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Lorde, The Weeknd, U2, Kevin Abstract, The xx, Glass Animals, the Head and the Heart. I got an awesome job lifeguarding with all of my friends. I had a summer fling, and we smoked weed on the parkway and cuddled at the drive-in. My family got a new puppy, Ollie, which was hard for me at first but has made coming home super fun. I got to go to Goose Pond and Ocean City with my grandma one last time. At my grandma’s funeral I got to meet a new side of my family, and found out I have more cousins my age. I got to see Jack Johnson and Hippo Campus. I met a guy who I could really see myself with; and when that didn’t work out, I took a chance with another guy and went out for pizza with him at 2am. I hooked up a lot with a different guy who really cares about me; I also still haven’t had sex and stopped smoking weed. I managed not to fail intro psych. I got involved with a few clubs at school and met a lot of nice people. I became friends with two girls down the hall who I’m living with next year. I took a risk and applied for an alternative spring break program, and was selected for the one I wanted. I drove to visit Nonie when she couldn’t come see me at Christmas, and I could tell it meant a lot to her. After NYE I’m going on a road trip to Florida with my big brother to surf and spend some time together. I think I’m going to have my first NYE kiss. My best friend is finally finding her place and is becoming more confident and I realized how much I love her. I signed up to rush to give greek life a shot. I'm trying a lot.

My grandma told me that the most important thing in life is your relationships, and all I want to do in 2018 is focus on making memories with people I love and having good relationships. Above all else, I’m really grateful for this life and I’m so blessed, and I’m determined to make it the best it can be.

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confessionsbycc-blog · 7 years ago

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Day 1 - 10.12.2017

“The thing you are most afraid to write. Write that.”

Okay, so here it goes. I’m CC. I’m 24 years old, and I feel like I’m currently going through the absolute most, not the worst, but it’s a lot (for me, and we’ll get to that later).

For me personally, I have always found that writing out my feelings (I used to journal like crazy) helps me process and deal with things. Since I type faster than I write, and I mean, who doesn’t love a good Tumblr page, I figured I would give this a shot.

I would say that all of the madness started at the very tail end of 2015, I was in grad school (graduated from that program, woot woot) and working full-time, like almost everyone else. I started dating my amazing boyfriend (yes, I am that girl that loves her boyfriend to pieces, so you will hear about him more often than not most likely) earlier in the year, and we enjoyed working out together.

I started to notice that even though I was going to the gym at least 3 times a week, eating pretty well, and drinking copious amounts of water, I started gaining weight like crazy. I mean, I gained like 20 pounds over the course of a couple of weeks. So, of course, I’m freaking out… I call my mom in the middle of a breakdown, at the gym (of all places) and she encouraged me to go see my doctor (Mom’s a nurse, fyi - shout out to her).

That lovely visit, I found out I have a small, little something called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, or PCOS for short. So, my body isn’t breaking down sugar like its supposed to, my hormones are predominantly all out of whack, and a LOT of other things that I’m not going to get into. When I found out about that, I lost a lot of motivation in regard to me going to the gym (flash-forward almost two years later, and I’m still struggling with that). So this is something that I am consistently dealing with, to put it nicely :).

Anywho, my Mom is also really, chronically ill. This is something that we’ve been dealing with for the past couple of years. When I first found out, of course, I was crushed, but she’s managing pretty well, in retrospect.

Last week, I got some news about my dad, that literally ripped me to shreds. I’m not going to say exactly what it is, but just know it is bad (and that is not something that I say lightly). At first, I was mad at the way that I found out about the news, but for like 15 minutes top (hello, he’s more important than the way I found out the information, clearly). So, I’ll be flying out to California, where I was born and raised, at the end of the month to spend some quality time with him. All of this started going down for me last Thursday/Friday.

Yesterday (Thursday), I found out that my Grandmother also was admitted into the hospital. Can we say whirlwind of emotions (not to mention, crazy hormones, remember..)? I just felt/feel crushed. To put it into perspective this is what I’m currently dealing with:

Mom- Chronically ill

Dad - Serious issues which will remain nameless for now

Grandma - Currently in the hospital

Cousin - Chronically ill, and also in the hospital

I’m the type of person (and I’ve been told this by ALL of my friends, therefore, I’m well aware) who tends to take on other people’s problems and keep things bottled up inside (hints the whole blogging thing). With that being said, and referencing everything above, this is a lot for me to take on and to deal with.

I’m also constantly reminding myself that it can always be worse, and attempting to find a light at the end of the tunnel. Thankfully, I have a great support system, but still…

Currently reminding myself to pray, ask for help, and remember where my strength comes from.

“Not by my strength, but HIS.” Zechariah 4:6.

#pcos #blackgirlmagic #writing #words #strength #longafpost #love #family #faith #illness #mentalhealth #scripture #comedy #humor #thoughts #spilled thoughts

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jmkieper13 · 8 years ago

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No News Is....No News

Well, it’s been a bit since I’ve updated, really because there isn’t much to update. We are still waiting for the hyperstimulation to collect itself and calm the heck down so we can resume trying with a new approach, and in the meantime, I’ve decided I need to take these super crappy lemons and try to make something resembling lemonade, as the sage-like doctor on ‘This is Us’ would say. With that, I started doing some research, and stumbled onto a blog written by a woman with PCOS that has successfully had two children, that was discussing how her approach to dealing with her PCOS diagnosis was to immediately adjust her diet. What did she do? She cut out gluten. I was trying to get my head on board with cutting carbs entirely, and was really struggling with it. The thought of no bread, fine…but the thought of no bread, fruits, or half of the veggies out there made me immediately just picture a life of bland chicken breasts with no sauces (too much sugar), no potatoes, no fruits, and that sounded so hard to me. Hard I’m obviously no stranger to, I’ve dealt with plenty of hard things in my life, especially through these last 3.5 years of dealing with the emotional tornado that is infertility. But there’s hard…inconvenient…and there’s hard…impractical for long term sustainability….and this felt, for me, like it was just not something that was sustainable. I didn’t want to develop habits that, as soon as I get pregnant I completely abandon and find myself with a super unhealthy pregnancy, gaining weight at an alarming speed, and unable to re-lose it after I have that baby, and spend the rest of my life miserable because of it. I wanted something that seemed more manageable to me, and something that I feel like I can sustain long term. So, I did more research on the connection between cutting out gluten and PCOS leading to success in conceiving and managing symptoms. What I found was a wealth of information showing that gluten is really the aspect of carbs that is the most damaging for PCOS patients, and that this is really where a lot people need to focus their energy. Why? Gluten is inflammatory. PCOS needs anti-inflammatory to be a focus because that will keep things from flaring up like they naturally have a tendency to do. This also can help with endometriosis, as inflammatory things can make that worse, as well. So, I decided I would try to adjust things to accommodate a gluten free lifestyle. I am thrilled to report that it’s been almost a week, and so far, I’m still craving sweets, bread, and baked goods (my go-to cranberry walnut muffin from the always tempting office coffee bar, pile of pancakes, or a big sandwich are all so hard for me to force myself to stay away from) but it’s getting easier, little by little. I also am having dreams of carbs. Last night, in the middle of an otherwise awful and nightmarish dream, was the random detail of me stealing, and eating (and enjoying) someone else’s donut. After taking a bite, I walked back up to her and said that I ate her donut, but that it was delicious…just in case that helped her make peace with it, I guess. Other than that, I’ve found it a pretty easy transition! I’ve been snacking on nuts, eating protein and lots of veggies, gluten free carbs in situations where I would really find myself wanting to binge on all things wheat, and I find myself grateful every time I’m put in a situation where I fear I’ll be put in a tough spot and find that they have gluten free options. I’ve found my will power to be stronger than I anticipated it would be, and in the last two days have managed to avoid the bread basket at an Italian restaurant (followed by enjoying a salad and reasonable portion of gluten free pasta as my meal) and last night, when at a baby shower, I turned down my favorite cake…chocolate cake with cream cheese frosting. These may not seem like much to anyone else, but I assure you, this was HUGE for me. I’ve been exercising again (carefully, so as to not overdo it and hurt the hyperstimulated ovaries any further), but it’s felt good to move again. I am quite tired, as I have been having these insane dreams pretty much every night, and another part of the PCOS, anti-inflammatory diet is cutting out coffee, even decaf. I haven’t had coffee in a week, and I’m definitely still missing that morning comfort…I’ve been drinking decaf exclusively for months, but even the placebo effect that comes with drinking a hot cup of decaf is missed. It does help me drink more water, and like I’ve said repeatedly to my husband (and anyone else that asks), at this point, it’s a small sacrifice, and if it leads to our rainbow baby, I’ll not even look back and think that I missed it. It will just be part of what I had to do to get to where we wanted to be. Right now, I yawn a little more, but I sleep a little deeper most nights. I’m ready to pass out for bed by 9, but I have been working out more, so the hours in my days are more meaningfully spent, so it’s a trade-off that I’m, as of yet, still okay with maintaining. In the last week, I find myself less bloated, clothes fitting a bit better, blood pressure better than it’s been in about a year, and able to maintain the gluten free lifestyle without having to cheat (though, apparently, my subconscious would disagree), and able to constantly remind myself of why I’m doing it and that winning. I’ve lost a couple of pounds, and just generally am feeling good with my decision to take this approach. As far as the hyperstimulation, we are still a couple/few weeks away from a repeat ultrasound that will hopefully show that we are ready to proceed with trying to get pregnant, and hopeful that this will have been what ultimately pushed us over that line to success. I anticipate that when we do resume trying, we will be doing so with Letrozole, and lately I’ve seen several posts in a support group that I’m in for people following NaPro like us that had the same or similar diagnoses and followed a Letrozole/HcG protocol and got pregnant pretty quickly, then maintained with progesterone support once pregnant throughout pretty much their entire pregnancy. When we go to talk to our doctor after the repeat ultrasound is done with my next cycle, I’m going to ask about the HcG approach, versus progesterone post-peak. I am absolutely not opposed to blood test as opposed to urine home tests, and if it gets us there, I’m happy to switch up the protocol that we try. It sounds like this could be the solution for us, and I’m really hopeful. I’m hopeful that the changes in my diet, the return to an active lifestyle, good sleep habits (most nights), and the right medications will be exactly what we need! On Tuesday we laid my uncle to rest. He was my dad’s older brother, leaving only their oldest still alive out of the three. I prayed a lot to dad during the funeral and asked him to make the transition from the living world an easy one for his brother, and I asked his brother to get up there and get dad to work! That we have too many guardian angels to still be down here begging for our miracle, and he needs to get to work up there! I also thought about how I’ve been told that dad is up there with our babies, taking care of them until it’s time to send them down….so I asked my uncle to let dad know that it’s time to share. It’s time to send our babies down. It’s time to be grandpa from a distance. Time to let mom be a grandma. Time to let us be parents. For my sister and brother to be an aunt and uncle. There is no nice way to say that we don’t know how much longer my sister will be here on earth with us, and as hard of a time as I’ve had with dad not being alive to know our kids on earth, it would really bother me if my sister doesn’t live long enough to experience being an aunt, because I assure you it’s a special kind of love. Speaking of my sister, I was doing a fair job of holding it together during the funeral, while cracking a couple of times, but really lost it when, during the mass, my sister leaned over to me during the petitions portion of the mass and said to me, “I prayed for you,” when we were asked to offer up the prayers that we hold in the silence of our hearts. I thanked her, and crumbled. I was absolutely touched that she, in the midst of an endless list of health issues and things for herself that she could pray for, she chose to pray for us. I was honored. I am honored. Another thing that happened on the day of the funeral was I talked to a woman from our parish growing up that had come to pay her respects, and she is an elderly woman with, I believe, 12 or 13 kids, and 28 (we asked her that day) grandkids, and when she asked how long we had been married now, and I said 3.5 years, she smiled and said, “Good job, keep it up!” and when I mentioned that we’ve been struggling with infertility and are hopeful that we’ll soon be able to start our family, she looked at me and said that before she was married she was told she would never have children of her own. This was drilled into her to the point that she had the talk with her now husband regarding her never being able to give him children and asking if he would be able to make peace with that. He took a chance on her, and God proved that doctor wrong. She said it wasn’t until after a full-term stillbirth shattered her, and she had a discussion with her priest about how she was struggling, that she was sent to a new doctor, got a second opinion and a new approach at treatment, and was able to have the large family that she and her husband had always dreamed of having. It gave me so much hope. She insisted that I continue to pray, give it up to God, and never forget that NOTHING is impossible with Him. That what may seem impossible to us is nothing to God, and He can change our circumstances in an instant, so never give up hope. To keep praying and it will happen in the perfect time. It was a beautiful talk. This morning I saw another sunny day rainbow, and realized that maybe this whole time they’ve just been there to reassure me that we’re on the right path. To let me know that we’re being led, and that we’re doing exactly what we’re supposed to be, and that our miracle is right around the corner. Keep those rainbows coming…and I hope soon we’ll have our own to hold here on earth! Thank you again for taking the time to be a part of our journey, and for the thoughts, prayers, and support. It will be such an honor to celebrate with you WHEN we get there! 🙏🏻❤

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