#my mom needs to go back and 'forgive' my grandma man get the fuck out of here

[maxellminidisc]

Sometimes I genuinely want to beat my dad with a stick

[cakepoppresent]

I Don't Have To Do a Damn Thing!

Veroinca: You looked so handsome walking across that stage. I think Grams was about to cry

Vaughn: Probably, she's sensitive.

The guilt is eating away at Vaughn, he knows he needs to talk to Veronica but he can never seem to find the time. "Sweetheart we should talk somewhere private"

Veroinca: Right now? I wanted to find my parents

Vaughn: I would prefer the sooner the better

Veroinca: You look so serious! Let's meet my parents real quick then we can talk

Vaughn: Your parents already know me, sweetheart

Veronica: This is different!! Let's go!

Veronica pulls Vaughn along while scanning the crowd for her parents. Vaughn on the other hand is a bundle of nerves.

Veroinca: I found them! Dad! Mom! I've been looking for you everywhere. I wanted to introduce Vaughn Leary! My boyfriend. Vaughn my parents

Vaughn: Nice to see you again in better circumstances Mr and Mrs Reeves

Blair: Oh! Xavier speaks so highly of you. I'm happy to hear you and Veronica get along so well. She can bit of a handful, I hope you can manage

Vaughn: Don't worry. I'm able to handle

Brayden: I hear your grandma and cousin were at your graduation? We should have dinner together

Vaughn: I would love that. I'll set up a date. They continue to mingle and set up plans for the summer.

The conversation ends Vaughn and Veroinca find themselves sitting at a secluded booth. Finally, some quiet time. It may not be the best place but it's better to rip the bandage off and beg forgiveness than have Veronica find out from a different source.

Vaughn: Veronica, we need to talk

Veroinca: You're using my name? Are you going to break up with me?

Vaughn: Never.

Before Vaughn can continue a call cuts him off. It's an important call he couldn't ignore "Hold on for me Princess I'll be right back"

Veroinca: Let's leave after, it's getting boring

Vaughn: Sure, we'll go back to my Gram's place. I'll make us something to eat

Veronica waits patiently then begins to notice more stares aimed are being aimed at her. The whispers start to get louder and people start to point. It's hard to ignore until she receives a notification on her phone and her world gets quiet

___________________________________________________________

Gossip Girl Blast

Vaughn, notorious for his string of short-lived romances and his inability to stay faithful, seems to be reverting to his old ways. Sources say he's only interested in Veronica for one thing – to add another notch to his bedpost

XOXO, Gossip Girl

___________________________________________________________

Vaughn arrives back at the main hall and notices the whispers and the stares. His heart drops as he finds Veronica where he left her. Phone in her hand gripping it tight. "Princess?"

Veronica: Is it true?"

He knows what she is asking but he doesn't want to answer. Fucking hell.

Veroinca: I don't even know why I'm asking you. Of course its true...I should have known you weren't serious. How many times were you going to fuck me before you got bored

Vaughn is quiet, he can't lie anymore not at this critical moment "I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you" Veronica lets out a shaky laugh "Wanted to tell me? Tell me what? that I was just some conquest?"

Vaughn: Baby, Veronica please we can talk about this. Right now what I feel for you is real. I meant what I said about being the man you deserve

Veroinca: Why should I believe you! I thought...you really liked me...I thought that...we wer-"

Veroinca is choking back on her tears, losing her train of thought. Malcolm warned her so many times. Why didn't she listen? Now everyone in SanMy sees her as another fucking conquest.

Vaughn: Veronica. I'm begging, please. You have to know I love you and I'm sorry. I was dumb then but I know better now.

Veroinca: You love me? Are you insane?? You don't know what that is!

Vaughn: Please...just believe me

Veronica: I don't have to do a damn thing!

Vaughn is in shambles his worst nightmare is coming true and he can't do anything to wake up from the terror. He tries to approach Veroinca, hug her, touch her hands, something to ease her pain but she slaps him away. "Don't you ever touch me again Whatever this is. It's over"

Vaughn watches Veronica walk past him and runs straight into her mother's arm. He can see her shoulders shake from her tears. Standing there Vaughn feels his world begin to crumble around him. He finally found something good and he fucking ruined it. How can he ever fix this?

Previous - Next

[mcflymemes]

QUOTES FROM SURVIVOR ON CBS

hey... hold up, bro.

i just always wanted to say that.

that’s the way it sounded to me.

he’s got his head so far up your ass his eyeballs are sticking out of your mouth.

that means you don’t respect me.

it’s fricking nauseating, frustrating... AND I’M PISSED!

i kept having to remind myself “don’t get booty blinded.”

you know, they keep me warm.

i already know this is not for me.

i can’t even keep myself warm! get off of me!

what are you trying to pull? i’m already going home.

it’s a fucking stick!

it has a face on it!

i’ll lie, i don’t care, but i’ll make up a good lie.

i’m just gonna spread truth, lies, and rumors.

that’s probably the most boobs i’ve probably seen in my whole life.

when it comes down to it, i want that million dollars.

i’ll wear a tiara. a man tiara. do they make those?

i don’t forgive, and i don’t forget.

are you really going to eat it? because that would be hot if you ate it.

when it comes down to it, we don’t mix. we’re like chicken parm and tuna fish - it just don’t taste good.

i didn’t know they could frickin’ fly.

as long as it’s not me, i’m happy.

i’m not calling you stupid.

those are the worst looking water shoes i’ve ever seen.

would you agree with that?

you know, whiners are wieners.

you need to go home.

he’s gonna dump me.

that was the most childish act you’ve done so far.

i came back broke, full, half-drunk and pissed off, so i’m gonna burn this house down in the next day or so.

making love is my sport.

you need to get in the ocean and wash your ass.

i’ve never heard anything that surprised me more than what you just said.

somebody call a whambulance!

you may remember me for making men speak llama.

you have like, your normal stomach and your dessert stomach, so your dessert stomach is still hungry.

it’s that kind of cocky attitude that makes people really hate your guts.

i’m against you.

we’re devouring them one at a time.

they won’t. they never do.

we just annihilate them.

i don’t pray for anything.

i brought my bag of tricks tonight.

my second chance is all about family.

you’re garbage at rapping. you can’t rap. you have no bars.

i know i gotta stay here, ‘cause i’m on probation!

like, how do you infiltrate that?

i’m like a phoenix rising from the ashes... ready to burn down your house.

i’m totally using the mom card, are you kidding me?

are we being punk’d?

does anyone want to come marvel at this splendor?

i can get loud too! what the fuck!

i’m gonna burn his hat.

i don’t think you were the mastermind behind it. i don’t think you’re smart enough to do it.

i don’t know... i wasn’t paying attention. i don’t really care.

my grandma’s at home watching jerry springer right now.

you have made my life hell from day one.

he’s a snake and he lies, but he also tells the truth too.

i will always wave my finger in your face.

i hope you guys all get bit by a freaking crocodile.

no, go ahead, you have to say something bad about me.

we’re younger and cuter.

the tribe has spoken.

you give away so much. you don’t even know enough to keep your mouth shut.

you take care of her, i’ll take care of you.

one man should not have this power. luckily, i’m not an ordinary man.

pony ride’s over. you’re welcome for carrying you this far.

au revoir, arrivederci, or, as we like to say in boston... see ya later.

it’s getting the best of me.

fear keeps people loyal. that’s straight out of the godfather.

[jones7thavenue]

2023 Diary Entry No. 22

It's been a month + two weeks since the last diary entry. I've been busy adjusting to the new flat I'm living with my parents in right now, so I apologize for not having gotten to write about it sooner.

I'm listening to Wildest Dreams by Brandy from her 2012 album, Two Eleven, on loop, as I'm writing this journal entry. I've been thinking about my boyfriend a fucking lot lately, due to having read some MK11 fanfiction on here, and, boy, am I in deep. A little too deep into my mind here, that is. I can't stop thinking about my man at all. It's not that the fanfiction had anything to do with that. It's just that I've been craving his warm hands on me for a long fucking time, and I wish I was in his arms right now, even though it's my fucking fault for the impossibility. I'm finally getting some self-care. I only regret not having done so sooner, due to things coming up and shit. I need to find a way to replace my state ID card, so I can get medical services for all types of doctors and shit.

Anyway, I'm just looking forward to seeing my boyfriend and our son today. I have forgotten to take my meds last night, and, knowing myself, it's way too late for that, so I'll be taking my morning medications in thirty-eight minutes from now, then I'll be ready to go see my little boy. My phone is going to be off for the whole day, though, so I hope my mom can keep herself busy without feeling the need to call me every 2 minutes.

I couldn't sleep, but Mom + Pops had their beauty sleep....or did they? I just wish they could go back to bed, shit! It's total bullshit, the situation I got myself into, the past 2.5 fucking years of self-punishment with the fact that I'm my parents' slave because of the choices that I made to be here. And, boy, are they bad ones. And, unfortunately, they're all my fucking fault. I'm so fucking pissed I can't even think of typing shit because I keep thinking about that shit that should be forgotten entirely, but I can't trust me enough to forgive for the past 13 fucking years. Fuck you very much, grandma. I hope all my family members burn in hell; I don't expect myself to be there, once I repent and pray to have Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior again, this time, for good, because I have a family to take care of, anyway. I'm done with being a cellophane doormat. For real, man.

Sorry for the long ranting paragraph, but not sorry for how I fucking feel about life, and the government, in general. I'm so happy someone sides with my story, with no need to open my mouth. I'm just ready to move on with my life and not remember negative shit anymore because, look where the negative shit got me. Fuck you very much, Satan; may your servants bow down to your $25 Trillion five footlong.

Okay, enough of the angry bitching. It's way too early for that. I'm going to calm myself down with a fucking nap. I'll be back.

I woke up to my stepfather causing chaos over being obedient to my mother and me. Ever since then, I haven't been feeling like doing anything, but I'm forced to do everything this weekend anyway, because it's just so much pressure to be the Barbie of the household: I have to wash dishes, I have to sweep and mop the floors, I have to clean everyone's room (mainly because someone lazily fucks their own bedroom up and doesn't bother to clean it right the fuck back the fuck up, because they think they're hot shit, but, trust me on this: they're not!), I have to take out the fucking trash, too. It's fucking exhausting for me to do everything without any fucking help whatsoever. I keep dreaming of the impossible fantasy of having my own life, having my own place, however the fuck I want my life. I'm getting to the point where should I go to jail, it's the only way to learn how not to do shit again, but way too late. And, obviously, as everyone knows, nobody wants nor needs that, so I better keep myself in my own head, obviously because it's not worth going there over an imbecile who thinks he's entitled to being lazy, when he knows how to drop shit all over the bedroom, so if he can do that, he can put the mess right back into where it came from, instead of me having to do it while bitching the whole fucking time.

I apologize sincerely for having been busy for hours, but, thanks to Big Brother, I replaced one movie + added two more into my library today, via the local Media Exchange. I'm looking forward to watching The Crow Duology by myself in the kitchen tonight when the folks are sleeping tonight. I'm surprised they liked my latest photo via Instagram. It's been too hot be hot as Fujin's balls outside right now, but, when the sun's down, I'll be out one last time for today, grabbing a lotto ticket and $5 in quarters so I can do some laundry tomorrow morning. I'm no longer considering moving out of my parents' abode at this point in time because the government is so fucking rude as shit, thinking they're hot shit until after the apocalypse. I'm just so looking forward to better days, even though it's impossible right now. All I need to do is clean the kitchen, wash the dishes, take out the trash, clean the bathroom, put away the dirty laundry (again!), clean my room + clear the kitchen table, as the list for housework to do tonight/tomorrow. Then, after I get all that shit done, will I be able to enjoy anything, starting Monday morning. I don't need to be putting shit off until later anymore, because, well, it's pissing people the fuck off, myself included.

I got a gut-wrenching feeling that my PS4 is done for, so I'm calling my request for a Chromebook off until there's a better time for that shit, since I have very little to save every month now, due to inflation. Fuck, I feel like crying right now, but it's so hard to unmask myself in front of anyone at this point. I'm just heartbroken because of how the past 3 years has treated me. Maybe I fucking deserve this karma for all the stupid shit I did to people long ago, because of my arrogant ass ego. It's just been a long time since I've thought about the shit I had done, but it's also the first time I'm ever writing about it, and, once I finish writing this, the negative weight will just get off my back eventually, even though right now it's impossible.

It's all about changing habits, nothing else. If I need to get back to better, it's all about doing, thinking, acting, being better, period. That's all. It's time to make peace with myself.

[yamahex]

I need Maggie meeting TR for Not the right time

Forgiving The Past

“Jack I don’t know…” You took a deep breath.

“I know mom said some fucked up shit, but she wants to make amends. I want Riah and Jace to know my side of the family babe.” You looked at him with tears in your eyes.

“I understand that but, how am I supposed to have my daughter near the same woman who told me get rid of her?”

Jack walked up to you and held your face in his hands.

“I’m not asking you to not be angry, hell I’m angry. Shit shouldn’t have went down like that, but let’s take a trip. Feel it out, if the vibes are off then we’ll go from there.”

You exhaled.

“Okay” He smiled at you dearly and pecked your lips.

“You’re lucky I love you.”

After The Flight

You unbuckled Jace out of his car seat after pulling up to Jack’s old house. You felt your hands shaking and your thoughts racing. You looked up at Riah.

“Ri, please be on your best behavior in front of your grandparents alright?”

“But what if they’re mean?” Your eyes were stern.

“They shouldn’t be. They just want to meet you and your brother.” Jack quickly grabbed the diaper bag then started to feel his anxiety rise as the four of you walked up to the door.

You looked down at Riah with a nervously smile and smoothed her hair down. Jace babbled in your arms making you giggle.

Jack knocked on the door and waited for it to open. His arm wrapped around your shoulder.

The door opened and revealed Maggie with a huge smile on her face.

“Finally, it’s about time!”

“Hi ma.” Jack walked up and hugged his mom. You felt Riah hide behind your leg. Maggie’s eyes fell upon you and her expression softened.

“Y/N, it’s good to see you. You look beautiful.”

“Thank you Maggie.”

“Please come in, come in! We’re eager to meet the grand babies.” You led Riah into the house.

Your expression softened at the same decor from 7 years ago. The memories of all the times you were at this house began flooding back.

Jack ushered Riah from behind your leg then crouched to her level.

“Ma this is Riah. Riah this is your grandma.” Riah smiled nervously.

“Oh wow you’re beautiful sweetie!”

“Thank you.” Jack’s dad came from the kitchen to enter the introduction. The father and son exchanged hugs and you stood in the room feeling awkward.

“This is your grandpa.” Riah started to warm up.

“Hello, I’m Riah!”

“Well hello there Riah, it’s nice to meet you.” The group chuckled and Jace started to get antsy.

“And who’s this little man?”

“Jace.” Maggie walked up to you.

“Can I?” You nodded and hesitantly gave up your son.

“Hello handsome.” She bounced him up and down making him giggle. Not knowing what to do with your now empty hands, you began cracking your knuckles.

Jack came next to you and held your hand.

“You’re fidgeting.”

“I’m not.”

“I know you’re anxious, it’s okay.” Maggie handed Jace to Brian then walked back up to you.

“Y/N, I’d like to have a word with you. If that’s okay?”

You nodded and Jack gave you a encouraging pat on the back. You walked with her to the back yard while Jack went to interact with his dad and the kids.

“I really just want to apologize for the horrible things I said to you before you left. I’m disgusted with myself for even suggesting those things. I loved having you around, you were such a good girl for Jack and I was worried that a kid would complicate things for both of you.”

“Clearly you’ve grown to be a amazing woman and mother. And you have beautiful children.” You giggled then smiled.

“Thank you Maggie for the apology, your words back then really stuck with me. If anything they pushed me to raise my daughter right.”

“I can’t say that I’m not struggling internally to forgive but I’m willing to put the past behind us, since Jack has stepped up and shown he’s a good dad.” She smiled softly.

You walked up to her with your arms open which she instantly accepted. After the hug the two of you walked back into the house.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yeah everything’s fine babe.” You smiled at Jack and Maggie crouched to Riah’s level.

“Now, who wants to make cookies??”

[wannabemobwife]

Guns, Glamour, and Goodfellas - Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting

Dad!Mob!Tom x Mom!Mob!Reader

-Pairings: Tom Holland x Reader, Brother!Parker Holland x Sister!Rosie Holland, Ex!Rosie Holland x Ex!Henry Osterfield

-Warnings: Fighting, Language, Angst (always), Heartbreak, Typos

-Words: 4.3K

Author note: Who else is the mom of their friend group? By the way, who can hear my California accent in my typing? Lol. Feel free to leave comments or message me directly your feelings while reading the chapter. Always love hearing from you guys. Chapter 9: Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting

Words: 4.3K

Every part of Rosie was recovering, except her broken heart. She had tried to call Henry a few times. It was weird how someone could be such a big part of her life one moment and the next he was a ghost.

Rosie wasn’t the only thing broken in the Holland household. You and Tom were going through a rough patch. Neither of you had spoken to each other for longer than 5 minutes, Tom was still sleeping in the guest room and he refused to come clean. Still letting you believe he cheated on you.

Mornings before school hadn’t been the same. Tom would try to hide the fact he was sleeping in the guest room before the kids came down but it was no use.

“Dad, did you sleep in there?” Parker asked as he saw the unmade bed in the guest room.

“Yeah, no need to worry, your mom and I are fine,” Tom reassured his son. Tom was lying to his son and himself. He didn’t know how to fix this. He had really fucked up.

You had started to become a ghost. Nobody would see you for most of the day. It baffled you that after countless years of marriage, Tom could be so careless. You were aware of his moral code and felt that you never needed about infidelity.

One night Parker and Rosie had devised a plan, almost like a parent trap. They set up a nice candlelight dinner in garden. It was a picture perfect date night only if Tom and you weren’t fighting. Rosie and Parker tasked themselves for both sneaking you out there, knowing if you knew Tom would be there you’d probably throw something at him.

“Surprise!” shouted both Parker and Rosie as you removed you hands from your eyes.

“Oh, how beautiful. Yay, I get to have dinner with my kids,” you exclaimed.

“Actually, we aren’t joining you,” Rosie said as Tom came out of the shadows.

“I am your date tonight and always,” Tom said.

“Kids, this is sweet and all but, I’m just going to go lay down. I suddenly have a headache,” you explained, not ready to face Tom.

“Y/N will you please talk to me,” Tom begged.

“Why don’t you go talk to your fucking mistress, Tom.”

“Who? I never cheated on you,” Tom asserted, confused he thought you were mad about Henry and Rosie.

“Save it Tom. Parker overheard you on the phone meeting her at the Savoy.”

“What? Oh you mean, Jazz?”

“I’m surprised there’s only one.”

“Don’t fucking do that. She was my informant. She’s dead now.”

“What and that’s supposed to make feel better?”

“Y/N, just listen to me.”

“Is this your way of getting back at me? For Rosie and Henry? Not telling you? Cause I can’t believe you’d do such a thing.”

“Y/N, just sit down and have dinner with me. Please,” Tom exclaimed, you could hear the desperation in his voice.

“No. Good night everyone. Tom, hope the couch is comfortable,” you said, walking away.

“Sorry dad, we tried. What happened between you two anyway?” Rosie said, looking at the ground lowly.

“It’s alright. I loved the gesture. So what are we having?” Tom said, as he pulled out the chair and sat down all ready for this wonderful meal.

“Oh, you’re still going to eat without mom?” Parker asked.

“Hell yeah, don’t want all this food to go to waste,” Tom remarked.

“Oh, ok. I was going to go and do homework,” Rosie said.

“You go, Roo. I’ll stay will dad,” Parker announced.

“Parker, I have to make sure you know I never cheated on mom,” Tom said, trying reassure his son.

“Dad, I know what I saw… But if you say you didn’t, I believe you. You are a man of your word. I was sorry to hear about Jazz too.”

“Thank you.”

Tom was stuck. How could he make it up to you, if you wouldn’t as much as look at him? With all the worries concerning Rosie, he had forgotten of a trip he planned for you and him awhile ago. It was the annual trip to Barcelona to facilitate the company’s exportations, you’d always tag along. It was your one romantic vacation with your husband, but this time Tom had tainted it with his betrayal and lies.

This trip was going to be the longest time you and him had been together in a week. Your main focus had been Rosie, then Parker and then yourself and lastly patching things up with Tom. You had both argued in the past but, Tom hasn’t been in the doghouse since you were pregnant with the twins. Even then, it wasn’t the doghouse, he was just giving you space because of how uncomfortable pregnancy was making you.

You didn’t like being apart from him. He was your husband, your better half. This separation was killing you as much it was killing him. Rosie had recuperated but, lately you had been having nightmares of losing your children. It killed you, every time you would see one of them fighting for lives in a hospital or dark alley. You always knew the dangers of the mob so you understood Parker will just learn to be more careful but Rosie’s car accident was merely an accident. Not a ploy orchestrated by a rival mob, it was an accident. How could you protect your kids all the time if there was no one to blame?

Even when Tom would come home battered and bruised, your world would stop turning. He was your world, he was everything. Everything you had was because of him, especially your kids. Anytime when someone threatened to take Tom away from you, you would just break. It is hard to imagine a world without him.

This time is different though, you are begging him to give you space. You understand the insaneness of mind, you want him to explain but you won’t give him the chance to talk to you. Maybe being on the trip together will force you to acknowledge him.

It was a typical morning, you and Tom were supposed to leave in a few hours for Barcelona.

“Kids, grandma and grandpa are going to stay with you while we are away,” you said.

“Your mom and I have some a business to attend to in Barcelona,” interjected Tom.

“Why? What’s in Barcelona?” Rosie questioned, she was aware of your annoyance with Tom, everyone was.

“That’s grown up stuff, sweetie. Maybe a second honeymoon.” Tom said as you rolled your eyes.

“Since when do we need babysitting?” Parker piped up.

“Since you guys have proven that you can’t be left alone, grandma and grandpa are here to babysit you to make sure you don’t throw any parties,” you explained as a look of regret etched itself onto Parker’s face.

“Aren’t you and dad fighting?” Rosie queried.

“At the moment we are just disagreeing on a few things. This is purely business, ok?” You exclaimed, your last statement directed at Tom.

“I love you both so much. Be good for grandma and grandpa,” you grinned, kissing both of their foreheads before you left. And with that your vacation to hell started. Why were you and Tom fighting, is it because no one wants to admit they're wrong? Only god knows. Deep down you hoped this trip would bring you two back together.

Parker drove Rosie to school that morning, she had been going for only two days since the accident. She had yet to run into Henry. Rosie didn’t know how she would act. How could she see the boy who broke her heart everyday?

Rosie met up with her two school friends Jenna and Brooke. They had been friends since 5th grade but, their relationship mostly stopped at school. Once in a while they would hangout outside of school or have a sleepover. Rosie’s real best friend was Henry. He was the one she would share good news with or funny memes. Nobody at school really knew about the accident, a few people noticed she wasn’t there but it wasn’t like when Charlotte died. Rosie wasn’t as popular as Charlotte and she didn’t need to be, high school hierarchies are overrated anyway.

“So where were you for like a week?” Brooke asked.

“Oh, umm… I was… skiing,” Rosie answered, debating if she tell her friends the truth. Knowing only rumors would circulate because of it.

“Oh. Parker was here. I thought it’d be a family trip.” Jenna remarked.

“What’s with your obsession with my brother?” Rosie questioned. She knew of Jenna’s school-girl crush on Parker, it started back in grade school.

“Nothing, he’s just.. insanely hot,” Jenna responded, drifty into a trance. Possibly imaging his dreamy brown eyes.

“Ew, Jen. That’s my brother” Rosie exclaimed, trying not to gag.

“Whatever. So how’s it going with you and Henry?” Jenna persisted.

“We broke up.”

“Oh, Rosie. I’m so sorry,” Brooke and Jenna said at the same time, trying to comfort Rosie.

“It’s ok. It’s not like I loved him or anything we were only dating for like two months” Rosie responded, trying not to cry. RING the bell sounded

“Oh, that’s the bell. I’ll see you guys after class,” Rosie said, waving goodbye. She quickly turned to walk to her algebra class but something or someone stopped her.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I should watch where I’m going,” she said as she picked up her fallen books. Still oblivious to the person standing before her.

“It’s quite alright, Roo,” Henry spoke.

“Henry… I-I gotta go” Rosie mumbled, surprised he was standing in front of her. Oh, what she’d do to get to hold that boy once more. But he’s the one who broke up with her. He left her. Why is she letting a stupid boy bring her to tears?

Because he’s not some stupid boy. He’s Henry. The boy who made sure to always bring her Hershey kisses when her period would come around. The lovable best friend who made her feel loved and wanted.

Rosie needed that almost as much as she needed air to breathe. She was ready to forgive him in that moment if he would take her back. Only if he wanted her back.

“Please, can I talk with you?” Henry asked.

“No, I have nothing to say to you and don’t want to hear what you have to say,” she muttered, walking away and not turning back.

Rosie quickly rounded the corner and slammed her back against the wall. Sliding down to where her knees were in her chest, trying to hide her tear stricken face. Parker was on his way to bathroom when he saw her, sitting on the ground in the deserted hallway.

“Rosie, what’s wrong?” Parker asked, seeing her tears.

“I just saw Henry,” Rosie said with her voice cracking.

“Hey, why don’t we go get some coffee. I’ll let you be basic this one time and order an iced caramel macchiato. Come on my treat.”

“What about school?” Rosie sniffled.

“I guarantee you they won’t miss us. Let’s go home. They’ll understand.”

“Ok, but I’m getting the largest size they have,” Rosie asserted.

“Alright, Roo,” Parker said, chuckling while he helped her up. Parker felt like a bad brother lately. The last nice words he said to her was when she was in her coma and most likely couldn’t hear him. He was taking a play from Tom, when Tom knows he screwed up he showers you with gifts. This was Parker’s version of that, taking Rosie to get some coffee and maybe a cupcake.

Later at home, Dom and Nikki were already there. Parker was kind of annoyed he had to be babysat but in your and Tom’s defense, he did throw a party that last time you were out of town.

“Grandma! Grandpa!” Called out Rosie as she came through the door. Rosie will always be a kid at heart with a fiery passion.

“Oh, there’s my flower and my peanut,” Nikki returned. Those were her pet names for Parker and Rosie. “Peanut” because even though Parker was older he was slightly smaller than Rosie when he was born. And “flower” because of her name.

“What are you guys doing home?” Asked Nikki.

“Oh, umm they let us out early,” Parker remarked quickly, not trying to raise any further questions.

“Did you ditch?” Dom questioned.

“Uh, yeah. Don’t tell mom and dad, please,” Rosie mumbled.

“Alright, only because now I get to spend more time with my kiddos,” Nikki exclaimed.

Nikki and Dom were definitely more prevalent in the twins lives when they were younger. When Tom had just taken over the mob, Nikki and Dom would spend every hour of the day with Rosie and Parker. Always taking them to the park, museums or plays. You think that is where Rosie got her love for theatre from. You also had an influence in that, you’re kind of a sucker for show tunes.

Their role in the twins lives fizzled out over the years. Nikki and Dom who are now both retired, traveled more than anything. But their place in Parker and Rosies’ heart remained the same.

They all decided to order pizza for dinner, something quick and easy. And none of them wanted to be formal so they ate on the couch and watched The Sound of Music. It was Rosie’s turn to pick, so of course it was a musical.

They were all about to turn in for the night when Nikki called for her husband. She didn’t say honey, darling or love or his full name, Dominic. She called out his nickname, Dom.

“Dom, did you lock the door?” Nikki called out.

“Yes, sweetheart. Now, kids make sure you brush your teeth. Good night everyone,” Dom said as he made his way to the guest room.

That was it, a three letter name Nikki had called Dominic. Parker’s mind flooded with thoughts from the night he overheard you and Tom talking in his office. “No, Dom. He arranged the hit,” those words replaying in his head. If it was his grandfather who gave up his location, why was he betraying Tom?

Parker was a bright kid but, not one for connecting the dots. The last couple weeks of his life had been devoted to get back at Tom. He knew working for Wilson would give Tom a heart attack right on the spot. But, it was never Tom who arranged the hit or had his men pull the trigger. It was his grandfather, Dom Holland.

He knew Dom’s full name, Dominic, but never made that connection. How stupid could he be? Never in a million years would he think someone who he looked up to, could inadvertently brought so much destruction to his life. Dom was someone Parker trusted. How could Dom be so devious and betray his own grandson?

Parker didn’t just lose Charlotte that night, he lost his innocence. That was the first time Parker actually thought he was going to die. He felt like he was dying, being beaten up to within an inch of his life. Parker was just realizing the gravity of what he had done in a desperate attempt to make Tom pay. Parker was doing the same thing to Tom, Dom did to him.

Parker was entrusted by his dad, given the skills to kill and yet he had been betraying him. Taking out all his men and Jazz. “Oh, Jazz” Parker thought, he even said sorry to Tom for her death. What could Parker do now? This whole time he believed he was killing for sake of mercy but in truth it was for sport.

Parker had to confront Dom, he needed to know the truth. So that’s exactly what he did, but waited till morning breakfast.

“So, how’s working for your dad going?” Dom inquired with his mouth stuffed with bacon and eggs.

“Fine. Things have been put on hold with Rosie’s accident and all,” Parker replied, his feelings were conflicted. He didn’t know who to believe.

“That’s it? I want details.”

“Have you had your first kill yet? How’d it feel?” Dom pestered on.

“Yeah. I’m only doing this to avenge my girlfriend, Charlotte. She was killed a few months ago,” Parker said, trying to get Dom to fall into his trap.

“Yeah, I heard about that. I bet it was sad. Well, you are here now, that’s all that matters. You’re truly a part of the family,” Dom said, raising his glass of orange juice to toast.

“I know you used to work for the mob, so could you maybe help me find her killer. Well I already found the guy and gave him a few licks, but I want the guy who orchestrated the hit,” Parker exclaimed.

“I don’t know, kid. I’d stop looking if I were you. Seems like this guy covers his tracks.”

“I know it was you. I know you were the one who gave up my location. I’m not going to hit you or anything but, I need to know why,” Parker said, his voice completely changing its tone.

“Think of it as an encouragement. You needed something to get your foot in the door of the mob and she was it.”

“God, this fucking family. It’s so twisted. News flash grandpa, I’m the fucking traitor. I’ve been working for Angus Wilson. I’m the one taking out all of Tom’s men,” Parker screamed.

“What? Why would you do that?” Dom questioned, growing more furious by the minute. How could Tom raise a traitor?

“Because I thought it was Tom who called for the hit on me and Charlotte. Then I find out it’s you,” Parker bellowed.

“Parker, calm down.”

“A little part of me died the night she died. Don’t you get that? I was a normal kid and now I’m a mobster.”

“You were never a normal kid. You were always going to be the next Holland to run the mob.”

“I NEVER WANTED TO BE! I never wanted to be part of the mob. Now once my dad finds out I killed his men and Jazz, I’m dead. And once Wilson finds out I’m quitting I’m dead,” Parker screamed.

“Tom, won’t hurt you. I promise. Can’t say the same about Wilson. But I can help you, Parker. When Tom gets back we will talk to him together ok?” Dom assured only to be returned with a nod from Parker.

Parker had his chance to kill the man who got his girlfriend killed and his grandpa in cold blood, but didn’t take it. Parker didn’t want anymore blood on his hands. Having Dom on his side was Parker’s only possible way out from Tom’s thumb. Dom could’ve killed Parker right then and there too. But both of them had fucked up. Both their actions had already cost too many lives. So they joined forces, hoping Tom wouldn’t react the same when he got back.

It was the weekend and Rosie was looking forward to just relaxing all day and doing nothing. Maybe a puzzle with Nikki or watching another movie. Seeing Henry at school really set her back in her getting over him process. The first few days she wallowed. Not at home but in a hospital bed. She cried and cried until she couldn’t cry anymore and you were there to comfort her.

Once she came home from the hospital she wallowed some more. Watching romantic comedies with you in your room as you both ate tubs of ice cream. You wouldn’t let yourself show it but you were heartbroken about Tom’s supposed infidelity.

Next, Rosie cleaned out anything that reminded her of Henry. The outfit she wore on their first date was trashed. Along with a teddy bear he had given her when she sprained her ankle in the 3rd grade. Also the silver H and R necklace that he had given her. She couldn’t bring herself to throw it away, so she gave it to Parker. She said “I don’t care what you do with it. I just don’t want it anymore.” Parker took the necklace, totally planning to give it back to her once things blew over.

Now Rosie was finally accepting her breakup. The process of getting over a relationship is similar to the 5 stages of grief. She barely bargained, if he didn’t want to be with her she wasn’t going to beg him to take her back. Rosie knew her worth. Denial didn’t really affect her either, she was mostly confused that he broke up with her straight out of her coma.

That left her with anger. God, she was so angry. What kind of jackass breaks up with someone once they’ve been in a coma? Seriously, like what the fuck? Also depression which never really goes away. She will always be sad, that he pulled the plug on their relationship. Lastly, acceptance. Rosie had accepted it but, will never understood what happened.

All the Henry sightings, started to put her back at square one. I didn’t help when Henry came to the house.

“Henry, what the fuck are you doing here?” Parker asked as opened the door to his somewhat estranged best friend.

“I heard your parents are out of town. Can I talk to Rosie?” Henry pleaded.

“She doesn’t want to talk to you. But, she did give me this, to give to you.” Parker said holding out the one thing that symbolized their love for one another, her necklace. Henry, just took the necklace and walked away. He felt so awful inside.

“Who was that?” Rosie asked, standing behind him.

“No one,” Parker responded.

“It was Henry, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, I told him you didn’t want to see him”

“Thanks,” Rosie mumbled, in truth she wanted to see him and talk to him but it was too hard.

“Of course, Roo,” Parker replied.

“Oh, not you too. I hate that nickname,” Rosie remarked.

“Why it reminds me of a baby kangaroo,” Parker joked.

“Exactly. That’s the reason why. It’s for a baby and sounds like kangaroo,” Rosie explained.

“Whatever. Mom and I like it so, too bad.” Parker said.

“Hey, I need to talk to you.” Rosie interjected.

“Yeah, what’s up?” Parker responded.

“Why are you sneaking out? I can hear you from outside my window.”

“Oh, I just… I go to the library,” he said, hesitantly.

“At 10:30 at night?” Rosie was skeptical of his remark.

“Yeah, I have a study group that only… meets at night.”

“Parker, I have seriously never seen you study. I can’t believe you won’t tell me where you are going every week. Do you remember what keeping secrets has done to this family? Mom and dad might get divorced!” Rosie exclaimed.

“Roo, you know that won’t happen. If I tell you, you have to promise to keep it a secret,” Parker only trying to comfort Rosie. He was scared to that you and Tom won’t work it out, you’d never fought in the past.

“Ok… Is it some girl?”

“No, I did something really stupid Roo. It was all part of my plan to get back at dad.”

“Why? What did dad do?” Rosie questioned, very concerned.

“Nothing. I’m the idiot here. I got myself hired by dad’s rival mob and I’ve been the traitor dad is looking for,” Parker said, scared of what this mistake will cost.

“Oh my god, Parker. What the fuck are you going to do?”

“I don’t know but Dom said he’d help me… I mean grandpa.”

“Okay… You know if you need anything, I’m always here.”

“Yeah, I know. Thanks for not telling anyone,” Parker thanked.

“Of course, you’re my twin brother. Almost an exact copy of my DNA, if I can’t have your back then what’s the point,” Rosie said, awarding a chuckle from Parker.

Parker’s days of living a double life were fleeting. You and Tom were set to return today. After a hopefully decent holiday. Parker was just glad Dom would be there to hold Tom back. Parker knows how enraged Tom can get.

T-minus 3 hours til he had to face Tom. Only 2 more class periods standing between him and involuntary rage. Parker and Rosie were in their English class when the loud speaker sounded.

“Will Parker and Rosie Holland please report to the principal’s office. I repeat, Parker and Rosie Holland please report to the principal’s office.”

They swiftly made their way out of their classroom. Dumbfounded to why they were called in the first place. Neither Parker nor Rosie had done anything bad in quite sometime.

“Uncle Harry? Uncle Sam? What are you two doing here?” Rosie questioned. Opening the door to the principal talking to their uncles, Harry and Sam Holland.

“Wait… you haven’t seen the news?” asked Harry.

“No. Why? What’s going on?” Parker speculated. The office admin had turned their small TV to channel 4 for the latest update.

“BREAKING NEWS. A Holland Exportation and Luxuries helicopter has just gone missing. The private helicopter departed from Barcelona this morning. I’m getting word that both Tom Holland, CEO of Holland Exportation and Luxuries, and his wife, Y/N Holland, were on the helicopter. There is no sign of the helicopter, we will continue to update you as this story unfolds,” announced the news anchor.

The room turned dead silent. Tears managed to escape from Rosie’s eyes and Parker pulled her into his arms. Trying to comfort her the best he can, even when he was a mess. The two people that were constant in their lives, their parents, were missing. Nothing was more important, except finding you and Tom.

Guns, Glamour, Goodfellas Masterlist

Taglist: @thenoddingbunny-blog @adriannauni @dummiesshort @bi-lmg @allthisfortommy

[dizzydancingdreamer]

Cast your mutuals but it’s only Lottie because it’s her birthday 🥳🎂

I just want to say that I see you, I hear you, and I’ll deliver (even tho I’m lazy and I could never do this if it wasn’t for you)

Cast your mutual ( @imdreamingwiththestars ) as...

Marvel Man — Ant Man, Scott Lang

Wait before you get mad hear me out! SCOTT LANG IS THE SEXIEST AVENGER! First off he’s fucking hilarious without even trying. Like HILARIOUS. Everything he says has me in stitches. Second, he’s a great fucking father— literally the best fucking father. Kinda like how you’re always telling me to drink water and to go to bed. Third, he’s adaptable! He can switch between superhero, commendable dad, friend, awkward, sexy— this man is everything and you are everything. Fourth, he’s a dork. And you can’t get mad at me for that because it’s not a jab— it’s the reason we’re friends. The scene in Ant Man and the wasp where he’s doing a thousand things while bored at home just screams Lottie and the way one moment you’re sending pictures of the bracelet you made and then the next your doing something entirely different. Finally he’s sexy— he’s hot as fuck and anyone who doesn’t think Paul Rudd— America’s true golden boy— is sexy then I don’t want to know you. He’s sexy not only because he’s just plain sexy with no substance (which he’s not and neither are you) but because of all the things I said before saying that he’s hot. This fucking DILF makes me want to be a MILF.

Marvel Woman — Scarlet Witch, Wanda Maximoff

Chaos Queen bisexual witch with nerd boyfriend— sounds about right to me! No— you don’t have nerd boyfriend but he’s out there (and maybe his name is SCOTT LANG). She loves fiercely when it comes to family and feels like she’s dying when those she loves are hurt. Family relationships get rocky at times but would do absolutely anything for her found family. She has meltdowns that rock entire towns and then, in the next second, is fine. Maladaptive daydreamer who creates the realities she would rather be in and adds the extra creative flare that the rest of the people around her are missing. That town was suffering before she showed up and gave it the ol’ razzle dazzle. Like please, take over my mind anyday. Deals with my Agatha Harkness level drama with grace. Like oh shit I kidnap you and force you to relive trauma and you don’t kill me? Wow a queen. 100/10 would bang and, yes, that needed to be added because it’s an important attribute. Also when I picture Lottie’s marvel costuming I see red and I see corsets and that’s enough for me 😌

TVD Man — Kai Parker

No, you aren’t a sociopath but neither was Kai Parker!! He was a kid who’s family fucked him over in every way because he was different and then— when he lashed out after years of straight abuse— got locked up. He’s not crazy— he’s hurt and no one’s fucking listening. He’s made mistakes but everyone would rather say shit about him instead of looking at their own lives. At the end of the day no one was better than Kai Parker despite how much they would like to think they are. He appreciates the little things— snowflakes and good food and sharp knives. He’s charming and has a voice that makes me melt— I can picture him going for walks and sending me videos about his coffee and what he bought at target. He needs a hug and a vacation and an I’m sorry.

TVD Woman — Bonnie Bennet

Is it telling that I picked another witch? Possibly. Am I gonna do it again? Definitely. Bonnie Bennet is a badass despite the fact that literally everything goes against her. She isn’t a badass because it’s easy, she’s a badass because it’s in her fucking DNA. No one wants her to be a badass— even her grandma at some points hates her— but she can’t turn it off so she doesn’t. She shouldn’t turn it off. She’s level headed but oh boy when she gets angry fucking watch out. She’s ride or die for her friends but will put them in her place when she needs to. She’s the most powerful one but no one treats her like it?? Creative problem solver with a penchant to let her powers kinda slip from time to time until a building or two is on fire. Falls for the hottest people but also might fall for your brother. She is the hottest one— full sexy— and again, yes, that’s important.

TO Man — Marcel Gerard

It was a toss up between him and Vincent Griffith but I have made my choice. Marcel is the poster boy for found family but also for knowing when it’s right to separate and do his own thing. The true king of NOLA who has exquisite taste in music. He was kinda evil at the beginning but it really only made him sexy so?? He thought he was protecting his city and vamp fam and I think that’s reasonable. Cares deeply, is beyond loyal, and would kill for those he loves. Saves a dorky awkward gay from death and that goes without saying hey thank you ma’am dorky gay here thankful for you’re consistent messages in her inbox I would be dead on here without you. Accidentally acquires a child but becomes one of the best dads ever despite her temper and unpredictable powers. Has an on off relationship with an equally sexy blonde. Himbo CEO vibes and I think that’s lovely— like you. You are lovely.

TO Woman — Hayley Marshall

Fierce, sexy, hybrid who loves two men even though they makes her so damn angry. Family drama 100%, found family drama 200%. Wolf queen who appreciates the downtime of chilling in nature with a cold drink and good people. Would die for her family but before it even gets to that point she would kill anyone who got in between her and them. Would go to unknown lengths to do the literal impossible like bring her family back from the dead. Impeccable mother— impeccable friend— impeccable leader. IS SO FUCKING SEXY. Also kinda angsty lol.

A Favourite Song — Drops of Jupiter | Train

Despite what it may seem like, I didn’t choose this because I know it’s one of your faves. I chose it because when I think about you I think about little things. Dunkin donuts and bikini tops and mugs and pink purple blue bracelets and late night talks about nothing. The verses of this song talks about all the little things she does that makes him love her and that’s how I feel about you. I love you because you don’t say hi, you say things akin to “Finn Mikaelson deserves to feel sexy like the rest of his brothers” and I think this song has that energy.

A Favourite Movie — Treasure Planet

“You’re gonna’ rattle the stars, you are.”

A coming of age adventure story with an angsty main character and a happy ending— it’s perfect. Sometimes to find yourself you need to find a golden map, get your moms rich friend to fun your pirate ship, hire a sexy cat captain, and befriend a father figure whose also a villain. Sometimes you also have to let him get away at the end. It touches on themes of discovery, forgiveness, trauma, and self love. Jim is a capable sarcastic smart kid and his best friend is an awkward robot who talks too much— wow, it’s us. Please bring me to space school when you get accepted 😌

I hope this makes you smile on your birthday! I love you most 💕

[rae-arts777]

I want to talk about my religious trauma

I just want to tell my story, I know mine is minor, I know there’s worst out there, but I’m hoping maybe mine cause reach out to anyone experiencing the same so they feel less alone

Let’s start way back

Edit: (sorry I should have put this earlier) TW: slight sexual assault, self harm, suicide mention

Growing up a christian adventist, I knew Friday night to Saturday was worship. No electronics or TV unless it was veggie tales, or a Bible cartoon, and church Saturday.

Of course I acted out a bit, and would get scolded for not staying still. My mother however wasn’t upset at me for ruining church, just upset I wasn’t behaving and granted don’t blame her cause I was a brat lol. I would get in more trouble if I went with my grandma. I was “disrespecting the lord in his house” and well...I mean it’s hard for a child to sit still for 8 hours wearing a dress and shoes that made me itchy and gave me blisters

Now church was fun in some sense. Got to see my friends, food after services, I loved being able to help in the kitchen and help the elders as well.

Good right?

Well...as a child, we think what we know if right. I thought the way we had church was common to everyone. When I started school, it was different for me. I asked “why do my friends go to church on Sunday?” My grandma told me “they just don’t know the proper way, it’s your duty to tell them”

I remember...being really horrible towards a kid who’s family was an atheist. We were still friends, but I will tell him “you’re trusting the devil”. My words never seem to hurt him since he laughed them off, but I never stopped...I look back and have so much guilt. So much guilt towards others too since I tried to tell them church was Saturday’s, and going on Sunday was wrong. I think about how horrible I was, cause my religion never taught me to be accepting to others beliefs, it taught me that it’s my duty to turn others to the right way. And that makes me upset. If my religion was the religion of “accepting everyone no matter what” then why is every one else’s religion the work of the devil? And why are baptism, also who was Christians, deem “evil” like Catholics in our religion.

Middle school. I started attending the church school. Hell

I didn’t like our new pastor, something about the way he said things just...didn’t stick. His kids were a nightmare. They torment everyone. Got teachers fired they didn’t like. And went crying to their parents if they didn’t get their way. No they were not toddlers. They were teens. One got in between my old best friend and I, and since then her and I were never the same.

Because I liked art and anime...I was the weird kid, so they constantly picked on me. Pastor kids telling me certain kids here didn’t deserve to be made by god. That god made a mistake. I told them to stop, but they would go “you just don’t know. It’s hard for us!!! We don’t mean what we say!” And looking and writing this now, that was the first gaslighting and toxic friendships I experience.

It made me more mad the pastor told the whole church that his kids were perfect children. And they set an example of how all the kids in the church could act. That pastor family was just horrible. Lies, manipulation, just rude. He would make side remarks about my mum’s blonde dye hair. He would say something to my mum if I wore pants or a leather jacket to church. Just the way he said things, made my mum feel like she was a horrible parent. They made side comments when my dad would finally show up.

“I’m sorry my dad wasn’t constantly gone, he’s was too busy fighting for our country.” Is what they would want us to say.

Church become a chore. Not a joy. And when we got a new pastor, one I started to connect with, we moved away and in with my grandma

Now highschool. This is where I started drifting away from religion. I love my grandma..I really do ...but she’s so extreme. The Bible this. The Bible that. I can’t have a normal conversation without her being up the Bible. Can’t watch a movie, show, or listen to music that’s not Christian without her bringing up the Bible or turning it into a Bible lesson. I hated going to church. I hated hearing “repent. The world is ending soon”

Hearing constant that our young generation is filled with the devil, feeling all the eyes of the elders on me as I’m trying to comfort someone’s child so they can enjoy church peacefully

Hearing anyone experiencing love towards the same gender is the devil’s working

That everything I like is filled with the devil

My grandma start forcing religion worst and worst down my throat. Saying I have to be prepare. I need to make my choice. Don’t I want to be in heaven with everyone? I need to give myself to god

I won’t see my family members who passed away Catholic.

That I need to tell my other side of the family who’s Catholic the right way

The news comes on....hearing the Bible says this the Bible says that

Trying to defend trump with the Bible

This pandemic is the first plague, the world will end soon

The studies getting more and more. I can’t even read the Bible just to study out of joy cause I feel like someone is breathing down my neck.

I’m getting a headache just thinking about it.

And then I’m introduce the rotten apples of my religion.

We shouldn’t wear mask it’s God’s air

Only having faith is god will keep you from getting sick and heal you

Ever remember of LGBT is going to hell

Woman who abortion are going to hell

People will tattoos go to hell

People who don’t read the Bible everyday are going to hell

People who want to make this religion more open and accepting, are hearing the devil and are going to hell

People who kill themselves are going to hell

Mental illness isn’t real; it’s just the devil and you just have to be happy cause you have god.

I told my mom I can’t do it anymore, I just can’t, it’s more forced down on me too much. If the world is ending what’s the point? What’s the point of college? What’s the point of life? What’s the point of looking for love?! Cause I’ve been told so many times my own children won’t ever get to adult or teen hood cause the world will end! What’s the point. I’m so grateful to have a mother who understands..

And it pisses me out with these Christian movies. A boy is about to kill himself, and is getting told “you’ll go to hell! You really want that?! To go to hell?!” Why are you showing this?! That’s a last thing a suicidal person needs to hear. They don’t need a fucking Bible lesson, they need comfort!!! As a person who’s tried drowning, choking, and harming themselves, I fucking know I wouldn’t want someone to find me and say “you’re going to hell for that!”

And then you have those horrible people who think just cause they are religious that it gives them a right to be a shitty person. My grandma would fucking forgive a murder if they came out as Christian.

I told my grandma once “I do want to be more involved with the church, I want to give a sermon” and she told me “you can give a small one, not a full one, god did not use women to preach, he used men. I rather you do the children’s story”

.......

The Vice President...some Christians hate her cause “god didn’t intend for women to lead, if he did his apostles would have been women”

my grandma says “she slept her way to the top!” But oh! She didn’t mind if trump, a man who’s assaulted god knows how many women was in office...

Forgive everyone....you’re suppose to forgive abusers..my bullies....I was told to forgive them even if they never said sorry..cause god wants us to forgive

I allowed..a boy to convince me to do things...cause men always knew what was right...it was ok as long as we didn’t have sex...and it was ok...cause he was a Christian boy...

I just try to be a good human...I have sickenly forgave so many people who’ve hurt me....and now...I’m the pushover...

But what I did was wrong...

I’ve just....drifted away slowly...my grandma has sort of stop trying, maybe cause I’m an adult so I can make my own choices..maybe my mum told her something...

But the things she says makes me feel ashame for being Christian....

For the longest time I thought we were perfect people...now that I’m older...I see we’re just as bad..if not worst...

It makes me so sick...just thinking..how I forgave people who HURT ME cause ...if I can’t forgive, then God doesnt want me.

If god really wants all of his “children” then why if it when we says “I don’t want to forgive the person who gave me this trauma” then it’s “i forgave you why can’t you forgive them? It’s so simple, you really can’t do something that simple? Guess you don’t want to go to heaven”

I’m so done

I’m so tired..

I have a headache and started crying a bit while writing this and there’s so much more. But my wrist hurts and just...I want to scream.

But for the majority...that’s my religious trauma.

I’m not hoping to gain anything, just to reach to anyone else who’s going through the same emotions...you’re not alone ok?

[thebyunhip]

Start Up | episodes 1 ~ 12

I feel like right now is a good moment to talk about the show, with the time jump and stuff. I’ll talk about the characters and then the plot, as I usually do. This is going to be a very long post, I never had so much to say about a drama before, so I’ll add a cut and it’s entirely up to you if you want to read my rant.

Han Ji Pyeong: look, he is not my favorite guy but I also don’t hate him and here’s why: 1) I don’t care how good he is at his job, I don’t care how rich he is, I don’t care how rough he had it in life, nothing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING gives him the right to be a dick to others. I understand that he is scared, had no one care for him and had no one to care for but he is still a human who lives in society. Being polite (and that’s really the only thing I’m discussing here), is not the same being someone that lets people step on him. And we’re all vert aware of the fact that he can tel people the truth, as harsh as it may be, without bein a complete fucking bastard 2) I fucking hate the tropes “he got there first” and “here’s a troubled man, fix him girl”. Like, just no. Teenager me would love that shit and eat it up like a fucking starved bitch, but not right now. I also think he is incredibly selfish and self-absorbed however both of these I can overlook, this is the kind of thing that be blamed on his upbringing (or lack of it).

Seo Dal Mi: the writers really said “let’s take this girl’s sister and mom away, make her sister say very stupid and hurtful things to her, now kill off her dad, she’ll get into a good college but will drop out because she has bills to pay”. I like that she is, after all that shit, bright and is willing to fight for things, not let her dad’s memory die. The world is telling her “bitch stay down” and she is legit yelling back “no motherfucker, I will not” and that’s great. The one thing I don’t like about her is that she is way too forgiving, I mean she found out that she was lied to by grandma, her mentor and her boyfriend of sorts and she just tossed that aside like it was nothing. Some of it I can understand, they work together so she would have to, you know, keep somethings inside. It all went away too fast, she forgave all three of them very quickly.

Nam Do San: at this point, if you’ve seen any of my previous posts, you’ll know that that he is my favorite and I’ll use this bit here to tell you why. I’ll put aside the cuteness, okay? Out of all the characters in this drama Do San was the one with the most personal growth. In the beginning you had a guy who couldn’t speak properly to strangers, let alone look at people eyes, when people put him down (yes, I’m fucking looking at Ji Pyeong and his dad) he kept his head down. And slowly, throughout these 12 episodes we see him mature (because yes, he was very immature), he can now answer, he can look at people in the eyes, hell he even can start fights. Like dude, he stood up to his father twice. He is not perfect and I’m  no trying to paint him as if he were. He still has problem to deal with but he is open to do improve. This was not said anywhere in the show and it’s only a personal thought of mine, Do San suffers of the imposter syndrome and Asperger Syndrome, and that would explain some of his behaviors.

Won In Jae: now let’s talk about an underused character. She is here simply to be a shitty sister and drag Dal Mi down so we all can watch our beautiful protagonist rise again from the ashes. When you look at her, she just has that resting bitch face so she makes it easy to dislike her  (but please can we please stop type casting Han Na as a bitch or someone can please tell me a show/movie she did where she is not one?).

Grandma: finally the real “villain” of the whole story. I get what she was trying to do, okay? Dal Mi’s life was spiraling out of control, shit hit the sky and she need some comfort and surely the letters were the best way to do that and it’s fine. But you all are willing to tell me that in those 15 years she didn’t have a single chance to say “hey kid, listen, there was never a Do San. I asked some boy to write you letters but he is gone now and so are the letters” or idk “The boy who wrote you letters was Ji Pyeong, a kid I used to help, he didn’t want to use his own name so we chose one from the news”. I’ve changed my mind, this not HJP fault. Its grandma’s.

Now, let’s talk about this drama’s biggest and most unforgiving mistake: the first episode. They spent way too much time on the letters and Ji Pyeong, making a lot of built up and then they didn’t showed the main guy at all. We got to see Do San in the last what, 5 seconds of the episode? I can get the confusion people are having as to who is the main and second lead here, for a second even I was confused. I only knew teenager Ji Pyeong wasn’t the main guy because before watching the show I read that Joo Hyuk’s character name was Do San. The first episode was a bad call. I mean it has 1 hour and 24 of running time and they could only spare 5 SECONDS TO THE MAIN GUY? No wonder there is a shit show towards Do San.

The entire revenge plot was poorly used but I’ll admit that I like the whole “my biggest revenge is to prove HJP wrong”. We’ve seen the destroy company, kill a guy ploy way too many times.But the entire thing was just tossed in there, there was maybe one clue but it lead to believe that Yeong San would steal the code, not seek revenge.

I know that some people were bummed out that there the show doesn’t focus a lot on how to build a startup but this is mostly a romance drama, so they wouldn’t include a lot of how to here.

Also, I know that people don’t think Do San has real problems because you know he has both parents and Ji Pyeong is an orphan, but like please… just listen. Being someone that has to live up to parent’s approval and expectations, especially to academic and business success, is not a problem that we westerns face so constantly in our lives. I know it happens, I’m not living under a rock, but we can’t even begin to compare to how it is for them and us. Suicide rates are high in Asian countries amongst younger people who fail to reach standards set by their parents and the society. Both Do San and Ji Pyeon have problem, of course, but they are very different and incomparable.  

As for the next four episodes… I think we will see a very changed Do San, more serious, a lit bit more calloused from the three years in the US (the black gave it out). I feel like Dal Mi might have changed a bit but I can’t point how. Ji Pyeong had on line in the preview and it was enough to not give me any hopes about him.

I’ll just say this here because I feel like I have to: Han Ji Pyeong is not such a great a second lead, full of layers, that could actually make people question why he isn’t the main guy. The only character ever that has that right is Baek In Ho, and would you look at that he is also a character that went through shit but is not an asshole just because he can.

[snxwboarder]

//Hey friends. I’m back.

I’ve got an update on the situation I talked about a few days ago. Honestly writing the post I wrote last time really helped me, so I want to do it again. Just to put my thoughts down and allow myself to process.

If you’re going to read (which you’re welcome to!) please make sure you’ve read the trigger warnings in the tags.

But, just a tldr for anyone possibly concerned about my safety: I’m at my parents place now with all 5 of my ferrets and most of my stuff. I feel safe and loved and free. Still scared. Still sad. Still hurt. But very hopeful of the future.

Here I go

Like I said in my last post, I didn’t think I was in an abusive relationship. I was struggling to see it. Even when my friends pointed out the gaslighting and the manipulation, I always had a reason for why he acted the way he did. An explanation for his actions forever engraved into my system because I have always been the one to be there to save him. To excuse him. To forgive him.

It changed last night.

Abusive relationship.

Not something I thought I was in.

Until, for the first time since my dad pushed me out of the room so he could hit my mom when I was 11 years old, my partner became physical.

My boyfriend, of 7 years, who I reassured my friends, not even half an hour earlier, would never lay a hand on me.

Got physical.

I worked a full day yesterday, left the house before he got up. I fed the ferrets before I left, giving my senior ferret her twice daily lifetime medication 2 hours earlier than I normally do because I worked the morning shift - and I knew he wouldn’t wake up to do it.

We still hadn’t talked. Not much. How many days does that make it that he hasn’t spoken to me... 5? I lost count.

Our conversations consisted of me saying “have a good day at work” and his grunt in reply. A short “I’m going to my grandma’s house” because I needed to get out. 

It wasn’t talking. Not really.

There was a time I think he wanted to talk. He came into the bedroom on the 4th night of us sleeping apart. He sat down, didn’t say much. I know he was trying to get me to ask what was wrong, if he was okay, what I could to do help him. But I didn’t say anything.

Which was.... hard.

Really hard.

I’ve spent 7 years being trained, like a collared bitch that comes to it’s masters call that when he’s upset, I find the solution. When we fight, I ask for forgiveness. When we can’t decide, I compromise. 

7 years of training. 

This time I didn’t do it though. No matter how tight he pulled the collar around my neck, the mumbled phrases he said to lure me in:

“I’m so tired...”

That’s what he said. He’s tired. 

Him.

He didn’t ask how I was, he didn’t ask what I was thinking. He just sat there. Staring down into his lap. Breathing. Waiting for me to beg for forgiveness for a fight he started, for words he said, for a relationship he molded. 

“What’s wrong with you?”

That’s the last real thing he had said to me and it still rings back and forth in my head. 

4 days he left me with that.

20 minutes, give or take, that’s how long he sat there waiting. But I didn’t say anything. If he wanted to talk about the fight, I was ready to talk, but I knew it would end in a breakup right there and then at 1am. Not the ideal time. But... ideal times don’t really exist.

He left though. Wordlessly. Closing the door behind him just like the walls he always put up so that I could work to tear them down and make it right. 

The next morning I went to work.

And while I stared into our empty store, my new coworkers that I’ve only known for 2 days standing around me. I made the choice that it was over. I was done sitting here with an infected bandage waiting for it to heal itself. I wanted to rip it off. Let the air sting against the cut he had caused so it could finally get a chance to breathe. To heal.

We were done.

I came home from work with determination in my steps and the most stomach turning anxiety in my gut. 

We were done.

I entered the house. Silence. I go to his office. He’s playing fortnite. 

He doesn’t notice me at first because he’s talking to his friends. His mood is different. He’s happy, I know it. I move towards him and he recognizes that I’m there. 

“How was work?”

It was like nothing was wrong. 

I’m still confused about that part but I didn’t focus on it for too long. “Can we talk when you’re done your game?” I said. 

He agreed. I left the room to go downstairs.

I didn’t take my work uniform off thank god I didn’t take my work uniform off. My car keys were in my pocket because I didn’t stop to put them down. The ferret travel cage was in the car, not because I had it there as a “just in case” but simply because, like the keys, I had forgotten to put it away when I brought them inside after a vet appointment last week. 

I text my friends to let them know that it’s happening. I had talked to my mom on the phone on the drive home from work to give her a heads up that tomorrow they’ll probably need to get me. 

Tomorrow. I can’t believe I thought he’d let me stay the night.

He called my name when he was done the game. We never use each other’s names. Always pet names when we’re alone. So it was odd.

I went upstairs to his office and stood in the doorway.

He asked if I wanted to take a seat.

I said I did not.

The conversation that follows is not something I’m ready to fully bring myself back to, not yet, maybe not ever. I was clear in my intentions, firm with when I was leaving, and as factual as I could be. I explained what I felt he deserved to know, and allowed him to take the silences he needed to take.

A broken man sobbed in front of me, begging me to stay. Saying, for the millionth time, that he could change if I needed him to despite how I’d never seen the evidence of it. Said we could stop having sex for good. Said I was all that he had and without me he was completely alone. Said I couldn’t leave because if I did he would be by himself in a house with no one.

And then he remembered the ferrets.

“Are you taking the girls?” He asked me, breaking again in front of me.

I gave him a very clear, very hard “yes.” 

Because I was.

I was leaving him and I was taking my ferrets with me.

More so than the conversation we just had, the following 30 minutes of my life are the worst 30 minutes I’ve ever experienced. I highly doubt I’ll ever be able to remember those 30 minutes and feel at peace.

It was when the abuse turned from emotional to physical. As he fought me for my ferrets. My girls. 

My hands still hurt from where I grabbed their cage and my voice is still sore from yelling that he needed to let go.

I had my car keys in my pocket because of luck.

I had the kennel in my car because of forgetfulness. 

I grabbed all 5 of them in my arms and I ran.

I ran.

I’ve never moved so quickly with my heartbeat hammering in my ears and my chest so tight with fear and anxiety, moving completely on gut instinct above literally anything else. 

I got them into the kennel and I locked the car.

He could have the house. He could have the furniture. He could have the damage deposit and the subscriptions and the money that he owes me and my virginity that he stole and my broken beating fucking heart I don’t give a fucking shit about any of that useless garbage but he is not taking my girls. I brought them into this house because I wanted one fucking thing to keep me sane and moving and loved and I wasn’t leaving unless they were in the back of my car.

He lost his chance to say goodbye when he grabbed me.

He lost his chance to hold them one more time when he threatened to leave with them.

He lost his chance to a normal breakup when he stood by the door with rage in his eyes telling me that even though my parents were on their way to save me from the hell he trapped me in, he would not let them into his home to free me from the hold that he had so easily trapped me in.

But I stayed firm.

The keys were in my pocket.

I had my girls. 

He moved towards me and I was scared but he grabbed his car keys and his wallet and stormed out of the house.

“You’re a selfish bitch. Fuck you.”

That’s the last thing he said.

And I sobbed in the doorway of my front door until my throat was raw and I couldn’t breathe. I sobbed because of how long I had been trapped. Because of the lies he told me. Because of how many times he said he’d change and never did. Because of all of the signs I missed. Because of all of the excuses I gave. Because of all the fighting and the compromising and the unhappiness. I sobbed because I was so relieved but so fucking terrified about everything that this changes and everything that this puts to an end. I just sobbed.

I don’t know when my step dad showed up but I assume he found me in the doorway shaking with my knees to my chest and my heart broken on the floor.

He held me for longer than he ever has. I don’t know what I said to him. I think I told him about the ferrets but I probably just kept mumbling “they’re in the car they’re in the car the girls are in the car” hoping he’d understand. I think he did. I don’t know.

My mom and brother were there in her van moments later and we packed.

Everything we could fit between 3 cars we packed. We started with the important stuff: my computer, the ferret cage, my sewing machine. We sacrificed the stuff that I didn’t have room for: my cosplay gear, half of my clothes, my fish tank (which breaks my fucking heart all over again please just take care of my fish I told them I was so sorry when we left but I just couldn’t take them). 

It’s hard.

To watch the home you had just finished setting up be torn apart so quickly because you aren’t sure when he’s coming back to demand that you stay.

It’s hard.

But we did it.

My mom, my brother, my step dad, and me. We tore the home apart and I got my stuff. 

I sobbed the whole drive away from that house. My brother drove with me, which I will never stop being thankful for. I sobbed because I was scared, still am, that my ex was going to kill himself. I was worried that that’s why he left. My eyes were on the highway and my heart was being left in broken pieces along the side of the road with each kilometre we drove. 

And then I stopped crying.

About half of the way to my parent’s house.

Just.... stopped crying.

My brother and I talked about anime, one of our shared interests. He just finished watching SK8 with his wife and we were talking about our favourite parts, agreeing that Langa was best boy, making jokes about the silly bits and discussing our favourite scenes. Just talked with my brother about anime.

So I’m here now. In almost the same position I was in when I made a post like this last week, rethinking all of the reasons I had to leave. I’m at the kitchen table. I have a cup of tea that’s 3/4 full and completely cold because this post distracted me. I’ve been crying. A lot. My eyes are constantly puffy and red.

But about 30 minutes ago I went to walmart. 

Stupid thing to give you hope, I suppose, a trip to walmart. I needed to get a sheet for my new bed though and I didn’t want to put it off. 

A solo trip to walmart.

The same walmart that, exactly 1 week ago almost on the hour, I had been in with my ex (”ex” still feels odd to say). We had stopped by to get groceries after a couples counselling session. He was in a bad mood. We argued. In the car I apologized and he did not. 1 week ago I hadn’t realized everything wrong with us. 1 week ago I cried by the george t-shirts because he left me there in a rage after I said we needed to cross the store to get duct tape. 1 week ago I went to the mcdonalds in that walmart to get us burgers and the boy at the till was cute. 1 week ago I slipped into a 15 second daydream where I was with someone I found attractive. 1 week ago I felt guilty for the thought. 1 week ago I was just as brave as I was yesterday, but I didn’t know it yet.

I’m with my mom. I’m with my step dad. I’m with my ferrets.

I’m safe. I’m home. 

When I sat at the red light on the way home from walmart, I felt the relief my mom had told me about 5 days ago. Not the wave that she described, nothing that “washed over me” like she had told me it did when she left my dad; but just a spark. A tiny little glimmer of “this is what’s right”, “this is what’s good”, “this is what’s better”. 

My throat is still sore. My hands are still numb. And my heart still aches. But those pains go away eventually.

He goes away eventually.

[calypsoff]

Forty Five. Part 2

Watching Rorrey make his way over to me “is this your hiding spot for when you have a blunt?” He spat, nodding my head blowing the smoke out from my lips “it is now, I enjoy the views here. The home is so nice. Like when Robyn showed me the pictures I was shocked, she really outdid herself with it. When she told me she is getting her mom a home, I was really proud of her. To see where you all originally lived and how Robyn, Rajad and your mom shared a bed in one room and to see in person how small the house was, to hear but then to see it, it’s two different things. She has done so many great things and I am so proud of her” Rorrey sat across from me “yeah, I didn’t want her to go to America originally, I was dead against it. It’s my little sister and she’s staying in a stranger’s home? Oh no way so I said it to my dad, he said I agree. Agree? I was so angry Chris, I didn’t want her to go, her English wasn’t good, in a new country what if something happened to her. I was scared but my dad didn’t see that part of it, like the girls in America are fine as hell. My sister barely had an ounce of style besides, she has a huge forehead but yet you liked her? You know how hard it was for us to let her go, and then she didn’t get the money my dad was supposed to send. It broke my heart, still kills me to this day” to see Rorrey this angered, I know what happened really hurt him “besides her forehead” I sniggered “such a brother thing to say” shaking my head still laughing “honestly, it was just instant. She was in my class; I saw her and from then on I protected her. People tease and in school they did that, but I shut that down quick. She didn’t at first tell me but then she did, I was then in the basketball team, I had a name for myself. But I always had Robyn there and it was sweet, she was sweet because she seemed so lost and I hated that so when she told, I mean she finally mentioned it to me, she said this guy in my lesson he keeps mimicking what I am saying and laughing, I got angry. I beat his ass for it, then the rumours I was dating her, which didn’t bother me. Robyn just seemed so lost in such a big crowd and I said come to my games, she did every week and my practice. I was single but also taken” I laughed “I was dating Robyn without even knowing it, but I didn’t play. And if I ended up being a basketball player and Robyn became the singer she is now, I would have dated her ages ago. Just things got stopped so quick and we lost contact. It hurt me you know” I grinned “that’s what worried me when she got there but to hear how you speak about her, you fell for her way more then you assumed” he pointed at me.

I laughed at that, just because I kind of did but I didn’t realise it “I was young, confused. I just knew she needed protecting and I was going to be the man to do that for her, I mean I was a boy at the time and I did want to protect her. Just was a little wack because at the time I was going to ask her to the dance and at that time I asked my mom if she would make her a dress, I wanted to know she was going to be able to have that. My mom agreed, I had everything set out and then it hit me, she left pretty much, and I was already feeling myself going downhill just Robyn made me busy in a way. But I adore your sister and I know we argued the way we did, and I know you heard it but didn’t say anything, but it was an argument that didn’t need to happen, but it did. I will be there for her and love her the way her dad couldn’t, I know she wants his love but can’t get it. I was thinking you ain’t said anything” offering Rorrey my blunt “thank you, we all heard it and I was going to but I didn’t because I know that you care. Couples argue and I can’t just jump to it, I had to let it slide but my mom got involved. You know what Chris; I was so happy when you punched Rakim. That nigga mad disrespectful, I heard it a few times where he openly made my sister feel she wasn’t worthy, she wasn’t happy, but I didn’t want to get involved unless it was bad. He was sly and was rude at the same time, I like you a lot and my sister is so happy. She is beaming” nodding my head smiling “yeah she has a lot to smile about, wait till later” I winked “oh it’s like that then” I chuckled.

Looking around the kitchen “where is Robyn?” She isn’t here “she’s in the dining room setting up” Monica said, I guess there is only Robyn’ family and mine, usually it would be bigger so I get she needed the help “thank you” let me check on what she is doing and if she is ok, I don’t want her to faint now “you should get my mon to help you” I said before leaving “guests!!!” She shouted at me; Monica is big on putting a show on for guests, but they are family. I will just leave it, Monica about to beat my ass if I keep on bringing it up. I don’t like Robyn out of my eyesight anymore, I need to know where she is at all times. Walking into the dining room “following me now?” Robyn said smiling at me while she continued to place the cutlery on the table “a little, I need to know my wife is ok. Are you?” I asked, Robyn shrugged “I need a nap but I’m ok” walking towards her “let me set the table” Robyn shook her head laughing “and my mom sees you doing it, no sir. You just step back and let me finish off” side eyeing Robyn “but I can do it quickly, then you can sit down. Shall I bring the boxes down?” Robyn shook her head “not yet, it’s ok. I’m ok, trust me. Don’t worry about me” looking down at Robyn’ stomach “mhmmm, I just don’t want you to go above and beyond; you said it yourself this baby is different clearly” Robyn keeps smiling at me, not sure if she’s laughing or smiling “I get it, don’t worry. I’m just finishing mommy” looking behind me “well hurry up, people are hungry. I’m sure Chris is” stepping back “I’m ok” just watching Robyn continue to get the table set “I want you to start bringing things in after, I can’t believe how late we are eating” I would help but I can’t, Monica is strict, and I didn’t even know that about her like that.

I bought the boxes down and I also bought Robyn’ gift down “ayo, hey. Before we go and eat. Open this” holding out the wrapped box “for me!?” Robyn said all shocked, she wasn’t expecting anything for me “yeah for you, I told you that I bought you a little something. I can’t just come here empty handed, I know you wouldn’t forgive me” Robyn knows damn well I am right that is why she is smirking the way she is taking the box “I can tell you wrapped this, god. You cannot wrap but I am happy you attempted this” she is so giddy now “I can’t believe you bought me something” following behind Robyn, I want to see her reaction “are you both coming?” Monica asked, nodding my head “yeah one moment” here I am trying to balance these boxes “hurry up” Robyn is giggling to herself, she loves gifts. I know my girl, she would say it’s ok but deep down would be sad about “I was thinking on what to get, and also you need to always spoil your woman, forever” Robyn screeched and then yelped out “Dior!” she spat, then opened the box “What!!!?” she screamed “you like it?” I grinned “like it!? Oh my god, it says Rihanna on the bag, no!” she looked at me “how fucking much was this!? Chris, oh my god. I am shocked. I can’t believe this, oh my god!” Robyn grabbed the bag out “a Dior Tote bag for me, you really got Rihanna imprinted on it, how?” I winked at Robyn “I have my ways for you” Robyn is happy, she likes this “I can’t believe you got me this!? I love it, oh my god” she skipped over to me “thank you, thank you, thank you so much” hugging Robyn “I know I have done good with this reaction, once again I did a good job.

Everyone is just giving such weird looks, Monica is not impressed because we are ruining the meal but this is something Robyn set out, she planned this. Even included Mel, TJ and Barry in this somehow “do not touch these boxes” Robyn said and made her way around the table to sit down, I have to walk all the way on the other side, I am sitting across from Robyn which is good so we can look at each other “are we opening this before or after” Rajad asked, shuffling my chair in “before but Robyn will tell you when” I said, she has a baby bodysuit in every box which she has named, in every one the bodysuit will say grandma, uncle or whatever which is a cute touch in a way to tell them, I find it cute but Mel already knows. Robyn told me “Mel doesn’t deserve a box” I had to say it “boo, you’re a hater” Mel said “says the one that won’t admit Barry and you are dating, why you not spending it with your family huh” I raised an eyebrow, Mel put a finger up at me “tell your bitch off Robyn” I looked at Robyn and she just shook her head, that meant I won’t tell you off but stop teasing her so I will stop.

Is Robyn nervous or something, she is not even saying a word about this at all “sorry, yeah so erm I got this present for you all actually, I mean I bought presents, but this present is for everyone, so when you all are ready. Open them” smiling at Robyn lightly, she looked at me. She seems so nervous as everyone started to open these boxes, me on the other hand I am just staring into Robyn’ eyes and she is just looking at me, I don’t know why she is nervous, I know everyone is going to be happy for us “you ok?” I mouthed frowning “tired” she said, nodding my head understand “oh my god, you’re pregnant” Rorrey said lightly, shock in his voice he wasn’t ready for that. Looking over at him holding up uncle “yes” Robyn breathed out, her lower lip quivering “why are you crying?” I said concerned, looking at Monica she is staring down at the bodysuit “oh shit! Pregnant!” TJ shouted, “oh my god!” I laughed at him running around the table “I am so sorry baby, oh my god” Monica got up from her seat, I got from the chair just in time as TJ hugged me “I am so fucking happy for you, yes! You going to be a dad, oh my god. Rihanna, congratulations. Oh my god” patting his back laughing “well Christmas present” I chuckled, moving back. Looking at Robyn to check on her, Monica is hugging “you kept this a secret son, come here” my dad hugged me “my son will be a husband and a father, I can’t believe it. I really can’t, so proud of you. The both of you” nodding my head “your mom crying as always” my dad said, my mom is crying “stop crying, come here” hugging her close “I am so happy for you Chris” she managed to say.

Pressing a kiss to Monica’ cheek “I feel so bad, I thought she was being lazy. Sorry” shaking my head “don’t be silly, you were just being a mother. This is why Robyn has been emotional and tired, but it’s ok. Don’t be upset about it. Robyn understood, but she is feeling so tired” Monica feels so bad “I am so happy for you Chris, but you” she pointed at me “you take care of her, good and proper. Don’t let her work herself too much Chris, she needs rest. It broke my heart her losing the first ne, it’s important Chris, she listens to you. You are taking care of her; I am trusting you” nodding my head “I promise you; I am always watching over Robyn. I promise you; I will take care of her and the grandchild” Monica hugged me again “I trust you Chris, I do. I am so happy for you both, a family” I smiled, watching Robyn walk over to us “I promise, you stopped crying now?” holding my hand out to Robyn, she took my hand “I love you so much” pressing a kiss to her cheek “so yes, there was our surprise from us to you all, this stays between us but keep the bodysuit. You may need it for when you babysit” Robyn chuckled “but I am over the moon, I can’t wait to go on this new journey of wife and motherhood, but this stays between us all please, until I feel I am ready to say it but thank you, this love from you all. Our baby is going to be so loved” Robyn gushed, I just watched Robyn’ face as she said all of that “Chris is already under the whip” Barry said, looking over at him “be quiet” I chuckled, he is dumb.

The conversation is now on the baby, everyone is so over the moon. I mean Robyn and I are over the moon but to see the family so excited about our baby, this just shows me how much my baby is going to be loved. I think everyone has forgotten about the food now “what are you wanting to have? What you feeling?” Mel asked, I have been quiet with that question “erm, I don’t mind. I honestly don’t mind, if it’s a girl, I don’t mind and if it’s a boy, I don’t mind. I just want to settle in a home, just prepare for this. Get Robyn settled, she got to rest” I grinned “no, don’t do that Chris. Be honest, what do you want?” rubbing the side of my face “erm, I said a girl to Robyn. I remember, but I think I want a boy. I want a son, but I don’t mind. They will be loved” Mel gasped “twins?” my eyes widened “huh?” looking at Robyn “we don’t know Chris; I don’t think so. Calm down” she is acting like having one child ain’t stressful “but on a real, I am so happy for you both. I think it’s a blessing that has been waiting for you both, this baby has been waiting for you both. God has blessed you, thank you god always” nodding my head “thank you god” I mumbled, it is a blessing “I just can’t believe my baby boy is going to be a father” my mom gushed “I am not a baby anymore mom” she needs to stop but she won’t “you will always be my baby, you are my youngest so you are my baby” I chuckled, she is embarrassing me “shall we say grace?” Monica said, I was about to say about I am getting so hungry.

Holding onto Monica’ hand and Rorrey’, putting my head down closing my eyes “dear heavenly father” Monica said “today we share this meal with loved ones, loved ones old and new. We give thanks for blessing us, blessing my daughter with a new bundle of joy. I am so overjoyed, I prayed every night that you blessed my daughter, and you did” Monica’ voice broke, and she went silent “our heavenly father we give thanks for our family and friends, amen” Rorrey filled in and wanted it to end, looking up at Monica “I am sorry, I am just overjoyed. I have worried about you so much” Monica sniffled “ma, don’t worry. I will look after Robyn so much, I promise. She won’t be stressed like last time” Monica does worry about Robyn a lot “I am sorry, please eat” Monica said smiling “mom please, everything will be ok. I just need a bed” Robyn laughed “it’s just scary, my baby having a baby” she sighed out “I love you so much Robyn, I do” Monica is so emotional “but please everyone start eating” she gestured.

[zuffer-weird-girl]

Kai and Kaito are worry about Y/N because her mom is coming to visit her grandchild. But Y/N remembers that it is their first time meeting her mother. Also Y/N's mom wants to meet Pops as well. Basically she wants to meet everyone. Y/N's mom looks like a 12 year old. (Probabaly of her quirk and it's anime.) Pop's spit his tea when he ask how old she is. (She is older than Pops.) Y/N's mom treats everyone like children because she is the oldest out of the everyone.

Anime dynamics are just... weird.

"First time meeting your mother and the brat is almost losing it." Chisaki stated numbly as he looked over at his son.

"Well you do have to consider that this is his only grandmother.... and he is meeting her with two years." You giggled at his arched eyebrow and unamused face. "I'm going to get her... or else she won't even pass the gates." You mumbled before you left the house.

"Daddy you're scared?" The kid asked nonchalantly while staaring up at his father.

"Why would I even be? Is just a woman." He scoffed in slight offense at hearing his son comment.

"Because you have a drop of sweat on your temple." The kid yelped and pouted at the quick flip his father gave on his forehead, the man himself grabbing a handkerchief shortly after to wipe that drop off.

He wasn't scared.

You entered minutes later with a... young woman by your side?

"Mom, this is my husband Kai Chisaki, he is the leader of the yakusa while this little boy over here is my precious son Kaito." The woman smiled serenely at both before bowing in respect.

"Is such a pleasure to meet the man who made my daughter so happy all these years, forgive me you both for not coming to the weeding." You quickly interrupted her to say that it wasn't a bother and that you knew how busy she was.

While both of your dark brow haired boys blinked in confusion, sharing a confused look before refurning to look at the woman in your side.. even the voice sounded... younger.

What the actual heck?

The woman crouched down to Kaito's eye level before gently grabbing his cheeks in both hands.

"Why, aren't you the prettiest little thing? Is so nice to meet you." She smiled while Kaito returned it with his tiny smirk.

Chrono and Mimic just happened to be walking on the same room and immediately noticed the unfamiliar presence.

"Yo who is the chick?" Mimic asked while pointing at your mother.

Chisaki darkned his eyes and went to send him a threatening glare if it wasn't for your mother's laugh.

"Oh please young man don't be such a flatter!"

"What the-? Young man?" Mimic mumbled, not believing that the brat in front of him was calling him such a thing.

"And you two kids must be..?" She asked, leaving a confused as fuck Kurono and Mimic.

Kids? KIDS?

"She is the (Y/n)'s mother, bunch of incompetents." Kai growled and scoffed at the way both of the mans eyes widened in shock.

"WhAT ThE AcTUaL FuCK?!" Kai covered his son's while glaring at Mimic... the man himself.winced at knowing he fucked up.

"No offense but you look like you're (Y/n)'s sister or similiar because..." Chrono looked up and down at her wity a frow "Yeah..."

The woman giggled with a hand lose to her chest while the other waved it in fdont of her.

"Oh please, no. I'm not that young. Quite opposite actually! All of you kids are such gentlemans."

"Mom now you're just milking it." You deadpanned at her before sighing at the wink she gave it to you.

Kaito let himself be his grandmother's guide through the house while you and Chisaki walked just a bit behind them.

"How can she call me a kid? I am a grow adult with a child already." He growled before glaring at your quite giggling figurine.

"Is just her way." You smiled up at him while he scoffed.

"With how many years did she gave birth to you? Nine?"

"Actually no. Rude." You pouted mockingly "She actually had me in a very delayed age to be honest... dont even know how I was born health to be honest."

"Because you're a angel." He muttered numbly, smirking behind his mask at your faint blush.

"What was that?" You asked with a smile before huffing at the 'I said nothing.' From your husband.

Then you and your son are the brats huh? Damn hypocrite.

One door swinged open and Kaito opened his big smile at seing the elder getting out.

"Grandpa!" Pops looked down with a smirk before noticing that not only his favorite little family was there but also in the company of a fresh new face.

"Who do I have the honor of meeting?" He asked while pointing at the woman and looking at both of you.

"My mom." "(Y/n)'s mother." "Grandma."

Pops and you mom laughed at the simultaneous answers before both introduced themselves to each other.

"Mother? Aren't you quite too young for being the mother of my daughter in law mrs?"

"Same goes to you. Such a gentleman young man you created. A bit cold, but a gentleman no less."

You stiffled a laugh at the notocing your husband's jaw clenching and his glare.

"You all interested on some tea? I need to know more about my daughter in law after all." You gulped, not liking one bit to know that now your husband was smirking devilish at the statement.

~

"So your son doesn't visit you often?"

"No. When he married that woman of his he simply decided to forgot that I existed and simply... vanished." She spoke sadly but with a smile no less.

Pops hummed while furrowing his eyebrows in disgust of such actions "I quite understand you. Something similiar happened with me and my idiot daughter..."

You and Chisaki shared glances before your husband scolded Kaito for almost dropping his box of juice in his and your lap.

"I am sorry for that. Lucky us that we at least have something to be proud of." She smiled at you and you returned it with your own.

"Surely. And your daughter was quite a blessing on this house. Not going to lie, I enjoy and appreciate her company." He poured more of the drink while Kaito grunted at not getting the plastic out of the straw for him to drink his own juice.

You giggled and genrly took it from his hand and handed to him shortly after the box with the staw already sticked on it.

"Thanks mama!"

"He could have drinked some tea due to his manners." Kai comented numbly while staring in disgust at the nox in his son's hand.

"Its black tea Chisaki. I bet Kaito would not be much fun of it anyway."

"Agreed." Kaito mumbled before closing his lip on the straw not bothering with his father's glare as he snuggled on his mother's lap with a smug look.

Even in the front of others... this brat will see at night, not going to stay to block him from his wife.

Pops and your mother entered on another chat, you and Kai making some comments here and there while Kaito just distracted himself with playing with your fingers while he sitted on your lap... the box of juice still on his hand.

"Ah right." Pops laughed sarcastically "Like you would know what those ages are, you're might be the mother of my daughter in law but that doesn't make you that old." He brought the tea to his mouth.

"Why wouldn't I know? I have 82 years old. I guess that I would know how times on that year were mister."

You almost laughed at the way your son and husband's jaw almost fell while Pops ended up spitting his tea on the carpet with a cough, avoiding on spilling the hot fdrink along with his saliva at anyone while the younger boy accidentaly let the box in his hands fall.

Luckily it was empty and closed...

Pops coughed a few more tines to regain his breath before one of Kaito's comment let you and your mother laughing, you in nervous embarrassment whiel your mother just found it funny.

"Wow you old!" Kai snapped our of his shocked state and pinched his son ear. "Ow!"

"Chisaki Kaito. Take what you said back this instant and apologize." Chisaki growled while his son pouted at him.

"Why, no need to apologize! The kid is not wrong." Your mother said gently while Kai's eye twitched.

"82 years huh?" Pops coughed one last time with a chuckle "Geez lady tell me your secret because you're way older than me and I'm looking like I am about to go to the grave."

You and Kai winced at that before both of you knocked discretly on the woodem cofee table...

"Don't say that Pops." Kai comented numbly, hidding his concern whiel lowering his mask to take a sip of his own cup.

"Listen to your son, you're still on good shape." Your mother comented while Pops scoffed.

"Says the woman who looks at the same or even younger than her own daughter."

[cakesunflower]

Reach For You [Dad!Calum AU] Ch. 18

A/N: so sorry for the......6 month wait omg. hope y’all missed Aspen, Calum, and Luna as much as i did. yeeeee happy reading!

Previous Chapters: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17

Chapter 18

“IT’S LIKE PULLING teeth, trying to get them to talk,” Mali whispered, leaning towards Aspen as she spoke, eyes on the scene in front of her rather than on the wine glass she was cleaning with a dish towel. “It’s painful to watch.”

Aspen’s throat worked. She could only see Calum’s profile from where she was standing, his dark eyes set on the television as it played Home Alone. He sat on the single lounge chair, while his mom sat on the smaller couch opposite of him and his dad and Luna occupied the other couch opposite of the TV. The two of them seemed to be in their own world, Luna having gotten along with her grandpa exceedingly well, talking amongst themselves about the movie. Calum was pretending to pay attention to the movie, while Joy was pretending not to be staring over at him occasionally.

That’s how dinner had gone. It was awkward and seemed to drag on forever, but at least Aspen had Mali on her side, the two of them making up for Calum’s silence at the table. It wasn’t like he didn’t speak at all, dropped a sentence or two here and there, but he didn’t directly speak to his parents. Well, at least not to his mom, anyway. He was still upset with his dad by association, but the true object of his anger was Joy, and he wasn’t too subtle about it either.

Not even the pretty Christmas lights they’d decorated the apartment with could bring a sense of tranquility and joy. Not to this group, anyway.

Aspen would be exasperated by his lack of trying if all of this wasn’t her doing to begin with. She called his parents behind his back. She’s the one who invited them for Christmas dinner and ambushed Calum with it. Shit, what had she been thinking?

The sound of Luna’s giggles broke through Aspen’s thoughts, and she felt herself relax a little bit. At least she could count on her daughter to lighten the mood.

“I don’t know what to do,” Aspen responded to Mali quietly, gripping the bottle of wine. She was ready to down the whole thing by herself. With a disgruntled hand running through her hair, Aspen added, “This was a terrible idea.”

“No, it wasn’t,” Mali disagreed, wiping the last glass. “You’re just trying to save Cal’s relationship with our parents, like any caring partner would want to do. It’s not your fault they’re being stubborn about this.”

Aspen wasn’t convinced. “Yeah, but—” She sighed, eyebrows drawing together in distress, looking towards the living room before her gaze met Mali’s again. In a quiet voice, she added, “I knew he wasn’t ready to move forward and I pushed him anyway. I didn’t—” Aspen paused, frowning as her gaze dropped to the counter, twisting her lips as the guilt started creeping through her veins. “I didn’t give him enough time to be angry—”

“He needs to let that anger out before it becomes too much,” Mali told her. “He needs to say his piece and try to move on. What’s done is done and no one can change the past, no matter how much we all want to, and the sooner Calum accepts it, the sooner he’ll feel that burden lift from his shoulders.”

Aspen took a breath, processing Mali’s words. She was still afraid of pushing Calum, not wanting to push him too far and have him be upset with her again—truthfully, she wasn’t even sure if they were okay from the last time they argued about the very situation. Ever since the arrival of his parents, he’s been in an off mood, which Aspen had expected, but she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t disappointed with his lack of trying after he said he would try. She knew she was at fault for springing all of this on him, knew that if he didn’t hold up his end of the promise then she couldn’t entirely blame him. Still, the dismay was present when all throughout dinner Calum didn’t really make conversation, didn’t engage if it wasn’t with her or his sister or Luna.

Before Aspen could say anything to Mali, Joy’s voice sounded from the living room. “I think it’s time we get going; it’s getting late.”

“No.” Aspen didn’t realize it was she who had protested Joy’s statement until all eyes were on her. Though, all Aspen could feel were Joy’s surprised ones and Calum’s irritated ones as he looked at her over his shoulder. Taking a breath, Aspen offered an encouraging smile. “We haven’t had dessert yet and I was just about to open the wine. Please stay, at least for a little bit.”

She figured, in that moment, she didn’t really want Calum’s parents to leave until at least there was some kind of step forward made. Was she pushing it? Maybe.

“We can’t force ’em if they wanna go, Aspen.” Her eyes met Calum’s dark ones, noted the silent way he told her to just let it go. To let them leave. There was a hint of edge present in the undertones of his casual voice, and Aspen fought from rolling her eyes because she knew he could’ve pretended harder if he wanted to.

“Noooo, I want Grandma and Grandpa to stay!” Luna whined, sitting up on the couch with a frown and pout on her face. Looking at Joy with a puppy dog look the five year old had terrifyingly mastered already, Luna begged, “Please stay! There’s cake and cookies.” Looking at David, she added, “Home Alone isn’t done yet.”

“Lunes,” Calum started, tone genuinely becoming soft as he addressed his daughter. “It might start snowing soon and they can’t be on the road when it does.”

Mali and Aspen both exchanged flat expressions at the lie. It wasn’t going to snow, Aspen knew for a fact, and Calum lying to Luna about it just so she’d possibly drop the subject was ridiculous. So with a lick of her lips and trying to keep her tone even, Aspen said, “Hey, Cal, can I talk to you for a second?”

His gaze met hers once again, the tension in the room returning as she nodded towards the hallway. She noted the way his throat worked in annoyance before pushing himself to his feet, and Aspen shot everyone else a quick reassuring grin as she walked out of the kitchen. They went to Calum’s bedroom and Aspen felt his presence behind her looming as they reached the room, and she shut the door behind her before turning to face him.

Together, both of them demanded simultaneously, “What the hell are you doing?”

Calum exhaled forcefully as Aspen’s eyebrows shot up. “Me? I’m trying to salvage your relationship with your parents.”

He shook his head, jaw tight before retorting, “That’s not your concern, Aspen.”

“We’re partners, Calum, so yeah, it is.”

She saw the anger flash across his face, accompanied by a sense of hurt she hadn’t expected as Calum returned, the edge back in his voice, “If we’re partners then you should be on my fuckin’ side!”

Aspen blinked on an expression of incredulity, lips parting as she inhaled a surprised breath at Calum’s accusation. There was a brief numb silence in the space of the room before Aspen’s brain caught up with her. “I am on your side, Calum,” she exclaimed, fighting to keep her voice low enough so it didn’t travel to the living room where everyone else was. But it was hard to keep her voice from raising with the surprise Calum’s accusation brought. For him to think she wasn’t with him was upsetting and insulting. “I just—I want you to say what you need to say to them and try to move past this.”

Calum gave a shake of his head, slow and defeated. “There’s nothing left to say, Aspen,” he said, voice lower yet still carrying that same level of intensity. He licked his lips as his dark eyes flickered past her and towards the door, thinking of who was currently in his living room, and he expelled a breath. Looking back at Aspen, he continued, “I’ve already said how pissed and upset I am. I’ve told her how she’s fucked up and she’s apologized and I don’t know where we go from here.”

Her heart bled for Calum and the pain he still so obviously was in, attempting to hide it behind anger and stubbornness. But she knew Calum, and as much as it hurt to see him hurt, to see how difficult it was for him to have his parents here, Aspen knew for a fact that he wouldn’t truly feel better until all of this was done with. Calum had always been so close with his parents, was a family oriented man that could be seen in his relationship with Luna, and to see his relationship with his parents crumbled into dust was heartbreaking.

Forgiving Joy wasn’t something Aspen ever thought she was capable of. For the longest time, she hated the woman for everything that happened. But holding onto those kind of strong, negative emotions wasn’t doing her any good. It was only weighing Aspen down, sometimes suffocating her, and it wasn’t until things with Calum had been mended and she finally decided to forgive his mom that Aspen could feel completely okay again. And it was no secret her accident played a big part in Aspen wanting things for Calum to be alright, too. Life was too short to remain under a dark cloud of anger.

“You move forward, bub,” Aspen told him, her own tone growing soft as she took a step towards him, green eyes never leaving his brown. “We can’t change what happened, but we can change how we go from here. I know how much it hurts you to not have your parents, your mom, in your life like you used to. I—”

“I have you and Luna,” Calum cut in, eyebrows drawing together in a subtle frown.

Aspen pressed her lips together into a kind, genuine smile. “You do,” she agreed with a nod. Calum’s throat worked as Aspen looked at him, and she felt herself take a breath. Her shoulders sank in acceptance, her hand finding his. A warmth spread through Aspen as he looked down at their joined hands, maneuvering his fingers to interlock with hers, the sensation of his cool rings one she never tired of. “And if you genuinely feel. . . Complete. . . with us—which is totally and utterly fine—then I will go back into the living room and tell your parents goodnight.”

Calum blinked a couple of times at her words, taking a breath as he lifted his chin, eyes never leaving Aspen’s. She didn’t look away, either, wanting him to know that she genuinely meant it. Sure, Aspen wanted Calum to make amends with his parents, and maybe it was a little too late to realize, but she shouldn’t have pushed him on the matter. She understood why he’d been so pissed off when she told him she’d invited his parents, understood that she’d crossed a line. If Calum genuinely did not want to engage with his parents, if he was content with not restoring a relationship, then Aspen would support him. She couldn’t force him more than she already had, not if she wanted to fuck up their relationship.

Supporting Calum was all that mattered.

“You would?”

Aspen’s smile softened, squeezing his hand, taking yet another step towards him. Her heart thudded within her chest at the look he gave her, uncharacteristically shy and looking so small, and it only reminded Aspen of how difficult this was for him. She nodded. “If that’s what you want, then yeah.”

He was silent as he considered her words, pulling his lower lip into his mouth as he chewed at it thoughtfully. She let him have his time, let him carefully think about what he wanted their next move to be. It concerned all of them, but this was Calum’s decision to ultimately make. Aspen felt badly about taking the choice away from him in the first place, and the least she could do was be by his side and support whatever he chose.

She watched the muscles in his jaw tighten, her eyebrows drawing together worriedly as he squeezed his eyes shut, head lowered as he shook it. Through gritted teeth, Calum confessed, “I want to move on but I just. . . I don’t know how.”

Aspen’s free hand lifted to cup his cheek, lifting his head to connect their gazes once again after he opened his eyes. She offered him a sweet smile. “We can figure it out together.”

They entered the living room, the credits for the movie on TV now rolling, everyone’s eyes on Calum and Aspen as they walked back in. Expectant expressions were painted across all of their faces, and Aspen took a breath before smiling at her daughter. “Hey, Lunes, why don’t you go show Aunt Mali all the presents you got, huh?”

The five year old grinned, jumping off from the couch with Duke hot on her heels as she ran over to where Mali stood, grabbing her aunt’s hand as she tugged. “Come on, Aunt Mali!”

The blonde grinned happily, letting her niece pull her along as her dark eyes met Calum and Aspen’s briefly. She understood the need to get Luna out of the room, happy to comply as she silently agreed to keep the little girl occupied.

An anticipating silence fell upon the room as Luna’s giggles soon silenced behind the closed door of her bedroom. Joy and David watched them patiently, and Aspen glanced at Calum in time to watch him take a breath before gesturing to the couches. “We should, uh, sit down, I guess.”

His parents shuffled around the coffee table, settling on the smaller couch against the wall as Aspen followed Calum to the one diagonal of them. It was silent in the room save for the ever so subtle thick clinking of the chains Calum wore, disappearing under the neckline of his full sleeved dark red sweater. He ran his fingers through his curls, ruffling the shaggy dark locks before he interlaced his fingers together. Calum bowed his head, lips parting as he ran his tongue along the inside of his lower lip, running the words through his head before he finally spoke.

“I’ve told you how I feel. . . And I know how sorry you are.” His words were slow, careful, not meeting anyone’s eyes as he uttered them. Aspen watched him, knowing he was thinking while he spoke, making sure whatever was running through his mind, whatever he was feeling in his heart, was properly articulated. “I just don’t know where we go from here—how we find. . . A sense of normalcy in all this.”

“We find it slowly, son,” David spoke up, his voice a wave of smooth calmness as he looked at Calum. He glanced at Joy before looking back at his son, adding, “This won’t be an overnight thing, we understand that. Still, we would. . .” David let out a soft sigh, his hand finding Joy’s before nodding at Calum. “We would like to try and earn back your trust.” His eyes met Aspen’s. “Both of yours.”

“That’s—” Calum breathed out with a shake of his head, wringing his fingers together as he let out a forced chuckle. Aspen pressed her teeth together as she watched him, wanting to jump in with something. Anything. But Calum needed to do this. So she resorted to resting a hand on his knee, a comforting act of encouragement. “That’s not goin’ to be easy.” Calum looked up, looked at his parents, expression a mixture of the conflict he was fighting and tiredness from it all. “You gave me everything I could’ve asked for, but took away the family I never knew I had.” Twisting his lips, Calum added, “Trust and forgiveness, that’s gonna take some time.”

Joy nodded, looking desperate for some kind of relief, some kind of step forward they all were in search for. “There’s no rush,” she assured with a somewhat nervous smile. She looked between both Calum and Aspen, and even though this was about her boyfriend getting back on the right path with his parents, Aspen was appreciative of Joy and David making her feel included in this. Her and Calum were partners; she was glad his parents saw it, too. “Take all of the time you need. Whatever you think is best for your family, it’s how we’ll deal with this, okay?”

Aspen watched as Calum rolled his lips into his mouth, considering their words. She knew that Calum, just like her, was taking note of how Joy and David were giving them the power, a vast difference from the part they’d played in when it came to the situation that led to all of this in the first place. They were in total control over what was to happen, how they were going to move from here, and the importance of that wasn’t lost on Aspen or Calum. They had basically been kids when they’d unknowingly gotten into this mess with his parents; now they were adults, with a daughter to think about and a family they had no intention of ever losing. They were finally in control, just like they should’ve been since the beginning.

Calum nodded, biting the inside of his lower lip as he sat up, shoulders straight. He sniffed, rubbing under his nose with a finger as he looked at his parents once more. Then his gaze shifted over to Aspen, his expression softening once his brown eyes met her encouraging green. A small smile tilted at his lips, hand coming to rest on top of hers that was on his knee. He took a breath, decided and sure. “Baby steps.”

She nodded along, mirroring his smile, turning her hand under his to properly hold his hand. “Yeah,” she agreed, returning the meaningful look he cast her way before shifting her gaze to his parents. “I’m sure we’ll figure this out.”

For the next hour or so, they brought Luna and Mali back out before they divulged into the wine and desserts Aspen had promised. The shift in the air was noticeable, the tension from before having dissipated significantly. Aspen sipped her wine, watching Calum finally be at ease for the first time since his parents’ arrival, Luna sitting on his lap as he held a plate with a slice of chocolate cake, feeding both himself and her. Mali had decided on playing some music, finding a Christmas playlist on Spotify, to keep the light mood in the air. Aspen figured she was maybe worried that lack of it would bring back the tension from before. Aspen found the gesture cute—and probably needed.

Joy and David didn’t leave until everything was cleared out, both Joy and Mali insisting on helping out in the kitchen to put away the dirty dishes and put the leftovers in the fridge. When it was time for Calum’s parents and sister to head out to their hotel, they all gathered by the door, Luna insisting on hugging her grandparents and aunt goodbye. As Mali pulled Aspen in for a hug, she rubbed her back before whispering, “Good job.”

Aspen let out a quiet, breathless chuckle at that, Mali grinning as they pulled away, the two of them sharing a pointed look. And then Joy stepped up in front of Aspen, bringing her a step away from everyone else, and Aspen still felt a prickle of surprise when Joy took her hand in hers and squeezed. “Thank you,” the older woman whispered, the sincerity crystal clear in her eyes. “It means a lot that you invited us. And it shows just how much you care about Calum.” A sadness swept over Joy’s face as she gave a regretful shake of her head. “I’m so sorry I didn’t see it before.”

Throat working, Aspen felt her heart stop for a brief moment at Joy’s apology, taking a breath. The sense of relief was only growing at this point. “I know you are,” Aspen nodded, offering a kind smile. “Thank you for coming.”

Luna ended up in her arms after hugging her grandfather goodbye, and Aspen rubbed at the little girl’s back as Luna rested her head in the crook of her neck, tired after the day’s festivities. She gently swayed her, the movement subtle yet still soothing Luna, as she watched Calum bid his mom goodnight.

“Our flight isn’t until seven tomorrow night,” Joy was saying to Calum. Aspen watched them, trying and failing not to do so, noting how small Calum’s mother looked in front of him. Not just because of their physical height difference; she took in the way Joy, a woman she’d always known to be assertive and bold in her own right, seemed to fold into herself. She hugged herself, as if she was protecting herself from any oncoming rejection, totally uncharacteristic and Aspen understood why as Joy added, “Would it be alright to see you before we go?”

She spoke with trepidation, not wanting to push her luck after only just beginning the process of making amends. Aspen watched on as Calum looked at his mother for what seemed like minutes that stretched on forever, until he finally answered with a single nod, “Yeah.”

Joy smiled in return, shoulders sinking in relief, as the goodbyes and goodnights came to a close, Calum’s parents and sister leaving with smiles and waves as they closed the door behind them. Calum let out a sigh as he locked it, the night coming to an end, turning around just in time for Aspen to whisper, “Hey, you wanna put her to bed? I’m gonna clean up the living room.”

Calum nodded, gaze shifting to a near slumbering Luna, as he stepped forward and reached for his daughter. Luna easily shifted from her mother to her father, arms lazily going around Calum’s neck as she rested her cheek on his shoulder. He felt and heard her take a breath before snuggling closer to him, and it easily brought a gentle smile to his face as he walked down the apartment and towards her bedroom.

He settled her down on the bed, switching on the bedside lamp that provided for a dull glow as opposed to the harsh brightness of the ceiling light. Calum brushed some dark curls out of Luna’s face as she sleepily smacked her lips together, and he suppressed a fond chuckle as he made his way over to the dresser to get her pajamas out. He sat down on the edge of the bed, murmuring quiet encouragements to the little girl who was seconds away from completely falling asleep as he changed her into her pajamas.

But just as Calum laid her upper half back down after putting on her shirt, thinking she was already mostly asleep, Luna spoke up. “I had fun today.” She spoke in a slow, tired drawl, a bit of a wistful hum in her voice as Calum settled her blankets over her.

He sat right next to her on the edge of the bed, hands on either side of her as he looked down to see her dark eyes blinking open. Calum smiled at the sight of her; for her to be this tired, he knew she did have fun. Despite his own issues, Calum had seen, much at the expense of his tightening jaw, that Luna had been enjoying her time with Mali and their parents. Calum hadn’t made for a much pleasant host to his parents, but Luna made up for it with a newfound excitement towards them. A childlike thrill that had, for the most part, put everyone at ease. “Yeah?” Calum mused, smiling down at her teasingly. “You liked all your presents?” They may or may not have spoiled her—Calum more so than anyone else; his first Christmas with his daughter had proven to be his favorite despite the initially unwanted presence of his parents.

“Mhm,” Luna responded, pulling the blanket up to her chin as her brown eyes met Calum’s. “I like Grandma and Grandpa, too.”

Something tightened in Calum’s chest at that, not entirely sure if it was a good or bad feeling as he heard Luna’s words. He’d been struggling with his emotions ever since his parents had arrived, knowing he hadn’t done a good job in keeping his promise to Aspen in trying to be civil. To actually try. But it hadn’t been too bad towards the end. They had made some progress, as much as they could tonight, and Calum had even agreed to see them again tomorrow before they left. That was more than he’d expected to do. And even though he’d been upset with Aspen over inviting his parents without even telling him, Calum knew his anger had dissipated at this point. Not entirely gone, of course, but slowly crumbling away. Slowly.

Calum took a breath before smiling, finger brushing away a stray curl from her face, brushing along her cute, soft little cheek. “They like you, too,” he told her truthfully. Because they did. He could tell. He wouldn’t agree to seeing them tomorrow if they didn’t. “Come on, bug, get some sleep.”

Luna hummed, giggling ever so softly as Calum leaned down and gave her a sweet kiss. He bid her goodnight after switching off the lamp and turning on her nightlight, leaving the door just slightly aja before stepping out into the hallway. He glanced in the direction of the living room, realizing all of the lights were off and that Aspen was probably back in the bedroom.

He walked in, shutting the door behind him just as Aspen emerged from the bathroom. Her makeup was already off, changed into her pajamas, which only consisted of sleep shorts and one of his shirts, and she offered a small smile as he took in the sight of her. “Hey,” she greeted softly. She nodded towards the door. “She’s down?”

Calum nodded, pushing himself off the door. “Out like a light,” he confirmed.

Aspen smiled, running her fingers through her hair. “Good, that’s good.” Licking her lips, her smile turned a bit shy, and she added, “I, uh, have something for you. One more gift.”

Calum blinked, fighting the urge to laugh because of how similar they were. He watched as she walked towards her bedside before his gaze shifted towards his own bedside, more specifically, under the bed where he’d hidden his last gift for Aspen. They’d exchanged presents in the morning, of course. Gifts they’d bought one another by knowing the other’s likes, gifts they’d both loved. He was gonna give her the last gift before bed, but looked like she had beat him to the punch.

Calum approached the bed as Aspen climbed onto it on her knees, him doing the same on his side, eyes going to the very familiar book he’d seen in her apartment. It was Luna’s baby book, and Calum’s eyebrows furrowed together as she held it out to him, slowly taking it from her but not before shooting her a confused look.

Aspen let out a breathless chuckle, rubbing her hands down her sides as she said, “Just look inside. I, uh, added some more pages.”

His eyebrows raised at that, settling back on his legs as he opened the book. He’d seen the familiar pages, all of Luna’s firsts and the pictures that went along with those moments, until he got to the pages that were definitely new. Calum could feel Aspen watching along in anticipation, in nervousness, except all he could focus on was the pages he was looking at and the tightness of his throat.

There were pictures added in there that Calum knew about, and some he didn’t know anyone—Aspen—had taken. Pictures with the labels of “First Spaghetti Sunday w/ Dad”, or “Dad’s First Gift”, or “First Birthday w/ Dad”. Aspen had added all of these pictures of Calum with Luna, or of the three of them together, of moments that had become some of his favorites. A warmth spread through Calum as he took in every picture, every word, heart picking up its pace. He could hear his own breathing, heavy with the emotion that suddenly washed over him, fingers brushing against the photographs of him with his two favorite girls. Aspen had made sure to make him as much a part of the baby book as he was in their lives, and while Calum was not much of a crier, she did a good job in springing the tears in his eyes with this thoughtful gift.

“Aspen,” he breathed out, voice thick and throaty with appreciation and adoration. “This—” Calum let out a short, disbelieving chuckle as he looked at her. He saw the hopeful expression on her face, eyes wide and small smile, and Calum shook his head. “Thank you so much, sweetheart. I don’t—I love this.” He put the book down on the mattress before reaching for her, pulling her into a hug and keeping her close as he said, “I love you.”

He heard her let out a relieved laugh, returning his hug, and Calum shut his eyes as she squeezed him, the smile on his face hurting his cheeks as she returned, “I love you, too. We’re in this together, right? You and me.”

He pressed a kiss to the skin of her shoulder where his shirt fell off. “You and me.” Calum sniffed as they pulled away, and Aspen let out a soft, adoring laugh at the flush in his cheeks, cupping his face as she shot him a grin. “I’ve got somethin’ for you, too,” he told her, prompting Aspen to blink in surprise.

He shifted backwards, one foot touching the ground so he could bend down and pull out the gift bag from under the bed. Aspen raised her eyebrows as he handed it to her. She took it with an anticipating smile of her own, and right as she reached into it, Calum said with a nervous chuckle, “It’s really cheesy, okay? So don’t laugh.”

Aspen rolled her eyes at him, dismissing his thought. “I’m not gonna laugh,” she said, hand reaching past the decorative red tissue paper to grab onto the gift.

Calum pressed his lips together, watching as Aspen pulled out the medium sized decorative jar with a gold lid on top. He watched as Aspen observed it, took in the custom made label on it that read a simple and cheesy message of My Love For You. He felt the heat spread across his cheeks at that, mentally chastising himself for writing something so utterly cliche on the label. Then again, the entire idea of the gift was utterly sentimental and cheesy.

“It’s, uh,” he began explaining, chuckling shortly. “There’s a message on every slip of paper inside for you. Like, uh, reasons why I love you and stuff. There’s, um, one thousand six hundred and forty three little slips in there. . .  One for each day we, uh, weren’t in each other’s lives.”

He watched the way her lips parted at his words, eyes widening as she returned her gaze to the jar she held in her hands. He wasn’t sure why he felt so shy about giving her the gift, the vulnerability not something he was entirely fond of, though when it came to Aspen, Calum was quick to realize facing these types of things was a lot better than running away from them. His throat worked, waiting for her to say something, heart jumping when her glassy green eyes met his dark brown ones.

“Calum, it’s—this is so sweet,” she breathed out, her voice thick with awe as she let out a gentle laugh. Her voice took a teasing tilt, wanting to lighten the emotional mood as she playfully asked, “You have over a thousand reasons why you love me?”

Calum cracked a small smirk, quirking an eyebrow despite his racing heart. “It’s funny that you think I can run out of reasons.”

Her expression softened, a soft chuckle escaping at his words as she gave a shake of her head. Before she let the tears escape, Aspen put the jar down before one had found his cheek, pulling him in for a kiss. Calum returned it eagerly, softly, arms winding around her waist as he kissed her, settling back on his legs once more before using his hands on her thighs to lock her legs around his hips. She tasted like mint toothpaste and he reveled in the familiar softness of her lips, in the touch of her hands on his face as they kept each other close.

“Merry Christmas, love,” he found himself whispering against her lips, wanting nothing more than to melt into her.

Aspen sighed against him, utterly content. “Merry Christmas, Cal.”

--

tags: @irwinkitten​ @sweetcherrymike​ @meetashthere​ @valentinelrh​ @softforcal​ @astroashtonio​ @hereforlukescruff​ @novacanecalum​ @captain-what-is-going-on​ @angelbbycal​ @singt0mecalum​ @hopelessxcynic​ @lfwallscouldtalk​ @bodhi-black​ @findingliam-o​ @softlrh​ @calntynes​ @calumsmermaid​ @erikamarie41​ @quintodosuniversos​ @longlastingdaydream​ @babylon-corgis​ @lukehemmingsunflower​ @imfuckin10plybud​ @pastelpapermoons​ @conquerwhatliesahead92​ @rotten-kandy​ @metangi​ @neigcthood​ @ohhmuke​ @old-zeppelin-shirt​ @5sos-and-hessa​ @trustmeimawhalebiologist​ @vxlentinecal​ @pettybassists​ @vaporshawn​ @lu-my-golden-boi​ @visualm3nte​ @isabella-mae13​ @dontjinx-it​ @lifeakaharry​ @neonweeknds​ @antisocialbandmate​ @ixcantxdecidexwhosxmyxfave​ @calpalbby​ @grreatgooglymoogly​ @sunnysidesblog​ @gorgeouslygrace​ @cocktail-calum​ @miahelizaaabeth​ @madelynerin​ @dramallamawithsparkles​ @theagenderwhocriedwolf​ @kaytiebug14​ @hoodskillerqueen​ @bitchinbabylon​ @empathycth​ @xhaileyreneex​ @inlovehoodx​ @aestheticrelated​ @bloodlinecal​ @sublimehood​ @madbomb​ @raabiac​ @britnicole11​ @outofmylimitcal​ @fluffsshawn​ @bloodmoonashton​ @vxidhood​ @tea4sykes @lukeinblue​ @mysteriouslycali​ @hoodcentral​ @rosecoloredash​ @hearts-to-the-sky​ 

[grapecaseschoices]

Small Detective Asks: Pierre Lin

1. What's their name and how do they look?

Pierre Lin. (My favorite PicCrew). He is over six-feet with an athletic, muscular build. He’s of E. Asian Descent (mainly Vietnamese). He’s often well dressed but in a simple yet stylish manner. His hair though cut short is a little long up top, so it falls in his eyes (though it starts the day perfectly styled!) His expression is serious but not harsh. He’s been known to shoot smiles and fond expressions, yes even in the work place.

2. Why did they join the police?

He joined for the structure and the rules. It is funny because he does have a lowkey impulsive streak and occasionally isn’t as by the book as he first comes off (he kept his coffee cup in the autopsy room scene; what a rebel! Whatever, it was cold). But overall, he’s a bit of that boy scoutTM stereotype. 

3. How did they get the promotion to detective and what do they think about it?

I honestly cannot remember but, surprisingly, he didn’t want it.

4. Can they handle blood/gore?

Yesssss …. Ish? He’s squeamish but he’ll breathe in / out through his mouth and do what he needs to do. 

5. How are they with people?

He’s pretty good with people. As I listed on his summary/stat page, his strongest stat is his friendliness. He is also strongly a team player. I see Pierre’s approach to be very sympathetic. It’s bleeding heart but make it reserved. He wants to do the Right Thing. This is in the general sense. Specifically, in relationships, making friends -- he’s also reserved. He has teasing humor that peaks out and he tries to be easy but he’s no pushover. He prefers a peacekeeping / making diplomatic approach but if you’ve crossed a line he’s not quick to make allowances (ie, his current strain with Rebecca though they started strongly. They’re working on it.) He can be a little impatient with people who exasperate him and he CAN get exasperated (Douglas, Mason and Ava have learned this, lol. And Bobby knows this well :-|)

In short: Pierre is tender-hearted but firm. 

He has his awkward moments too but I’m going to stop rambling.

6. What's their relationship to Bobby?

I answered this here but: Fuc. THAT. BITCH. Bobby pushes his buttons far more than he wishes he would. They were exes. Mistakes were made. Pierre regrets them.

7. Who is their Love Interest and why?

Copying from the last time I answered this: 

~~uwu~~ Felix~~~ Ahem. Because Felix gets under his skin in the best of ways. I wanted to do a tol vs smol. And thought it’d be funny to have someone more by the book, fumbling with F. Felix is the best thing since sliced bread in Pierre’s book. They balance each other yet are both naturally warm people who want the best for others. And each other. They are my sunshine, soft ship. It is so delightful to read. Especially, as Pierre is more – he wants to take things slowly. Even though Felix is ready to GO. The care. The respect. The affection Felix gives him? Ugh. It’s just what someone whose ex was Bobby needs. It’s what Pierre deserves. And likewise Pierre is a warm, teasing, steady presence that I feel is good for Felix. BALANCE~~~@@!!!!

I will add to this and say that they are going to kill me in book three. I just know it. I think it continuously surprises Pierre how into him Felix is. And I think it surprises him how into Felix he is, or more -- how good and just supportive and delightful it can be. (Did I mention that Bobby fucked him up?) 

8. What's their relationship with their mom like? How did it change?

They were so strong. They were close. I think he was probably her golden boy and I think he -- did his best to understand why she wasn’t there.  I think he admired that she did important shit. But finding out what it was, HOW MUCH she’d been lying / what she’d been lying about gave them a hit. I think some of it is misplaced anger and other of it is -- or maybe not so much misplaced but it’s easiest to put a lot of it on her (which isn’t fair). But a lot of it is genuinely … disappointment. Maybe she couldn’t tell him but she could’ve better prepared him. The trust is broken. But it’s slowly repairing, I think. He loves her. She’s his mom. But they didn’t end where they started -- and they’re definitely not back to that place yet. 

9. What do they think of the supernatural?

I’m trying to remember -- but he’s sort of taking it as it comes. He’s the sort to take things as presented. So he’s cautious but isn’t like …. Argh! Hateful or fearful. Really, for him, it’s like well fuck -- more people to take care of. LMAO. 

10. How well did they handle the reveal that the supernatural exists?

I honestly don’t remember. It was months ago. But I think pretty okay. He was confused. And I can see Pierre having some trepidation but I think overall he was okay, definitely some restless nights overthinking things. 

11. Do they have any tattoos/ piercings?

He has two tattoos. I haven’t decided what yet. One on his right ankle and other on his upper left arm. (Probably.)

12. What is their highest (professional) stat and why?

People/Psychology (it really jumps like a good almost 15 percent by the end of book two). Softe. I honestly would not be surprised if he took a psychology class 

13. What's their opinion of the Mayor?

He is the mayor. That is pretty much it. At the end of the day, he’ll be afforded the professionalism that the position affords him. 

14. Do they get along with Tina and Verda?

Yes. If I recall correctly, he leans a little closer to Verda - even though it was a slow start. But he’s also fond of Tina and respects her. How can one not be?

15. What do they think of Unit Bravo? How has that changed throughout the story?

As a whole? Yes. It’s definitely gotten more positive. It’s gotten warmer -- in particular to Ava. He didn’t … I don’t think Ava disliked him but she clearly wasn’t happy. But they were both fairly neutral. Mason gets on his nerves less lmao. There’s an increased fondness and definitely a better appreciation. And with time comes learning / understanding. I think he’s a lot more fond of Ava and Mason than he realizes, as well as being part of the team as a whole. He was always open to working together but it’s like less I am working with these agents and more these are this team (less as in he’s in charge and more, these are his people.) I’m honestly excited to play the SPOILER investigation in book three with the history earned from books one and two. 

He’s always liked Nat. Felix still has him fucked up, lmao. 

16. Do they have any pets?

No. And he’ll say he doesn’t want one. But there’s this fat ass cat in his apartment. Pierre isn’t helping (or maybe he’s helping the right amount.) They’re friends. It legit downs his day when Mr. Sylvester doesn’t come to visit him during the weekends. 

17. What are their hobbies?

He enjoys reading. He also likes repairing older books. Nothing big or fancy. But it’s something he does for friends (what friends?? Just him and Verda and Eric being nerds). Mostly textbooks but also paperbacks and hardcovers for novels. It’s mostly rebinding but he’s learning about embossing and recovering and etc. Because he’s a nerd. 

He sometimes visits the local hospital and takes the kids toys to repaint. He’s not a hard repair person. But if it requires fine work, he’s got really steady hands. 

18. What do they think of Douglas?

He tries not to think of Douglas. He does wish he could focus more on his work. And will continue discipline him, take that phone away, in hopes that SOMETHING sticks. He thinks he’s a little punk

19. What does their apartment look like?

A Grandma’s cottage, apparently. It’s a cosy aesthetic. He probably definitely has a worn lazy-e-boy and nice, fluffy carpets. It’s warm colors and rich fabrics. It does lean less single-man-in-his-thirties and older-woman-with-fifty-cats. But. At heart, isn’t he just? 

20. What is their personality?

Stats here.

Boy Scout. Pierre is solid, dependable, organized. He is more work than play. He is reserved -- and sometimes almost reticent but not quite. The fact that he’s just so stolid and comfortable sort of distracts from that. It is almost strange how comfortable he is because he is slow to warm to people, but he’s so genuine, so polite/nice that once you get to know him, it’s hard to remember a time where you felt approaching might’ve been rebuffed. He’s definitely the guy you want to comfort families. Because he’s sympathetic and he says the right things and because he doesn’t take pride in it.

Pierre is the sort of person who does what he has to do . He’ll tell the family that their loved ones died (though he wishes moments like this didn’t exist). He’ll grit his teeth and swallow down discomfort to give victims the respect of his assessment, to hear what the ME is saying, and take the information needed to do his jump. 

Pierre has lowkey levels of ‘fuck around and find out’ though. He isn’t a pushover, isn’t easy to forgive, and even his loved ones can take a hit -- he’s open to forgiveness but it’s slowly given and opportunities to earn it aren’t always easy. As I said earlier, he’s tender-hearted but firm. 

One of the things I like about Pierre though, other than he takes things as they come (which can be both good and bad), is him and emotions. He definitely lets himself feel them in the pace that he feels he needs to (not to say things don’t get away from him, or that people haven’t taken advantage of them - Bobby -they have and he’s been in some bad situations because of them). He’s an overthinker. He’s also a little mischievous with a teasing humor. He’s a teensy bit off kilter but it’s hard to miss because he Does The Right Thing and he’s seemingly Broad Shouldered and Straight Backed At All Times, but he isn’t. It’s part of what I love about him and Felix. He gets to indulge in being a teensy rebellious and then not turn around and feel bad about it later.

21. Their favourite/comfort food?

Rice. It’s a staple for a reason. Less a comfort and more a food he enjoys: Beef teriyaki. When it’s on a skewer? Let’s just say he has to be mindful of his self control. Ends up with enough sticks to build a small log cabin. 

22. Do they go to the bar or stay at the station?

He stayed at the station. He’s a homebody, a bit. So going out wasn’t his ideal. He also had work to do.

23. Their gender/sexuality?

He/him and he associates with his designation at birth (so cis male). He’s bisexual. 

24. How did they handle the fight with Murphy? Did they get bitten?

If I remember right, he did pretty well (I mean he ended up bleeding so, like. BUT CONSIDERING!). Murphy got captured but he did get bitten. 

25. What do they usually wear? Has that changed?

He goes from Modern to stylish/professional if I remember correctly. 

[crescentmoonrider]

Grief

When Daniel opens his mouth, exhaling smoke as he looks at something farther away from the wall in front of him, Steven doesn’t expect him to talk. It’s not how they work. Not how Daniel works either, he’s found. Daniel is a man of action, and whatever things he feels he keeps to himself, not out of some displaced sense of masculinity, but because he expects people to already know, or because he just doesn’t know how to say things.

Or, well, he does say what he feels sometimes, and that usually comes out as incredibly rude.

So when, sitting in bed and taking a drag, he starts with « When I was a kid – », Steven listens. This is important. This is new, too – they don’t talk that much about themselves, about their past, about anything that’s too personal and can’t be brushed off as whatever benign thing is going on between them.

Steven only learned of Marcus’ existence through Leonardo, wouldn’t have known Daniel had a twin until they met in person otherwise. That’s how non-personal things are.

He tries not to think about Marcus’ current state, about the hundred ways things could go wrong, about what it would do to Daniel. About what it’s already doing to Daniel.

« When I was a kid » Daniel continues after a short hesitation « we’d build model boats with our granddad, Marcus and me. He – he used to be a naval officer, still loved boats way too much. Honestly these models were probably too detailed for kids, but he just refused to pick simpler ones. He’d grumble if we didn’t make everything look exactly the way he wanted. Probably would’ve torn the damn thing right out of our hands if it didn’t risk damaging the boat. He was… he was kind of terrible at that whole playing with your grandkids thing, really. But looking at the finished product was pretty cool, and he always had these stories to tell about what that boat did, so… It was, y’know. It was fun. »

Daniel has a strained smile at that, the kind that comes with good memories that can’t be separated from bad ones. Steven only nods, wondering what the point of this story will be – there has to be a point, Daniel wouldn’t tell it otherwise, not something like that – and doesn’t dare say anything that could break whatever spell Daniel has fallen under.

Talking isn’t something they do, or something Daniel does, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a good thing sometimes. Given the recent events, it’s – it’s probably the best thing to do, really.

« We were in the middle of building another one when he died. Not – not right in the middle of it, he was alone with grandma when he had his stroke, don’t remember where we were at the time. But, uh, after the news came, and then the funeral and all of that, we… we went to their house. It was the first time since he died, and it felt. It felt kind of empty ? Sure grandma was here, and so were our parents, but it wasn’t the same, knowing he just wouldn’t come back. I think Marc’ broke down crying – no, he definitely did. Just, fucking crumbled into our mom’s arms and wouldn’t move a step. I… didn’t. »

Here is the point, Steven thinks, here in the apparent lack of grief, in the way Daniel didn’t cry at his grandfather’s death and didn’t stop working when Marcus got heavily wounded.

He is trying to justify himself.

It feels wrong.

It feels horribly wrong. The corner of Daniel’s mouth is shaking a little, just a little, barely noticeable, but a clear sign of emotion. His hands were shaking a lot more the whole time he was arresting Marcus’ old gang, and at the hospital, to the point Steven thought he was going to lose it and hit someone. It’s obvious he cares. Even if it wasn’t, Daniel is the type to rush into things without looking back, without making excuses, without –

« I didn’t cry. » He goes on, and Steven thinks maybe he should stop that, maybe talking isn’t actually the best thing to do actually, not when Daniel seems to think he did something wrong, seems to think he should, what, apologize for not reacting in a conventional way to loss ? But talking isn’t something they do, isn’t something Daniel does, and that means this is important. Steven can listen to the end.

He will just have to shake some sense into Daniel’s head once he’s done talking.

« Marcus stayed with our parents and with grandma, and I just went to the study. It’s where we worked on the boat and, well, it wasn’t finished yet. I said that already, right ? Anyway I just, picked it up where we left, tried to make it as good as granddad would’ve wanted – I was what, eight ? Something like that. Honestly, the result was terrible, but I just. I had to do it, y’know ? I had to do something. I – »

He swallows, takes another drag, hand shaking a little.

« My dad, he died during the Collapse. You know how it was, I don’t think there’s a single person in HL who hasn’t lost someone then. I didn’t get news from Marc’ before one or two days after either, it was just. Chaos. There was so much going on, so many of us died, nothing made any fucking sense anymore – » A breath, then « I don’t even know what I said when I learned. If I said something. Think I just kept working. Marc’ and our mom were crying in each others’ arms and I was just. There. Around. Could’ve been a total stranger for all the difference it would’ve made. I don’t – »

For the first time, he turns his head to face Steven, his smile twisted into the most painful thing Steven has ever seen on his face, if you can even call that a smile.

« I don’t think she’s ever going to forgive me, honestly. »

The « I wouldn’t forgive me in her stead » goes unsaid, but Steven hears it well nonetheless. Daniel’s hand is shaking, dropping ashes on the sheets, and since Steven hasn’t figured out how to answer all of that yet, he grabs Daniel’s cigarette instead and crushes it in the ashtray on the bedside table, pointedly ignoring all and any complaint.

The way Daniel reacted to Dr. Estevez’s remarks makes sense now, Steven thinks. How relieved he has been when he realized she was calling him out on his hypocrisy regarding the way he had treated her in the past, how relieved he had been at it being personal.

If someone looked at Daniel, said he doesn’t care about Marcus because he refused to stay at the hospital until he finished his work… well, that person would probably be dead. And some part of Daniel would probably internalize it, and he would beat himself up for something that is completely untrue.

It takes Steven a second to realize he knows Daniel much better than he thought, another to think maybe whatever they have isn’t as benign as he told himself, a third to decide he can deal with this some other time, to put a hand on the back of Daniel’s head and pull him in an embrace.

Daniel complains that he’s cold, as always, but leans in anyway, and holds Steven’s back with both hands.

« If you cried, or if you didn’t prioritize finishing Marcus’ work over everything else, I’d probably wonder who killed you and took your place, » Steven says. « Doesn’t mean you’re not sad. You wouldn’t have told me any of this if you didn’t care. »

Words are a lot harder to find when they’re honest, it seems, and even then Steven just lacks Klaus’ talent for inspiring speeches. So he simply keeps holding Daniel close, and lays back into bed this way. Together.

« You need to sleep, Daniel, otherwise you’re just going to be useless tomorrow. If you can’t sleep, you can at least close your eyes and rest – it’s what I do when someone doesn’t kick me out of bed. »

Daniel tsks in response, but doesn’t let go. And Steven thinks, maybe he can pretend for a moment that everything is going to be alright, that Marcus will survive, that Daniel will learn to let go of these words someone planted in his heart, that whatever the two of them have won’t turn into something Steven can’t control.

Only one of these is a realistic thing to hope for, though, he knows.

[context]

[xhudgenssistersconfessions]

My Zanessa ff

I tried my best to traslate it my Zanessa ff in a good english. Forgive me, I tried to do my best between having a life and a full time job. You can still find it on wattpad written in italian. Maybe I will publish it on english too if someone is interested. https://www.wattpad.com/user/FrancyF94

- Fran 

Chapter 1: I set out on a narrow way many years ago

  “I set out on a narrow way many years ago

Hoping I would find true love along the broken road

But I got lost a time or two

Wiped my brow and kept pushing through

I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you "

- “God Bless the Broken Road” Rascal Flatts         

  Arroyo Grande, California - September 2014

Zac Efron gave a sad look at his childhood home: it always seemed the same house that his father had built when he was just one year old. The grass in the driveway and back garden was yellow and dry from the drought that had hit the state of California during the summer, but the flowers in the flowerbeds her mother tended with great care were in bloom. The old car Mustang of his grandfather Harold was always parked in the driveway and the basketball hoop that his father had set up for him and Dylan when they were little was rusty, but always present . The light beige walls of the house had been repainted by Zac himself a few years earlier. It all looked the same, but now he couldn't stare at that house for more than ten seconds. 

Zac was sure that on entering the front door, past the entrance hall, he would find his old grand piano, his father's electronic engineering books stacked in neat rows in the large cedar bookcase , and the whole house wrapped in the scent of his mother's famous blueberry waffles. The he would go upstairs in his old room, and her mother would have lecture him because despite having reached the threshold of twenty-seven years old, Zac’s old room still remained inaccessible because of the piles of clothes strewn on the floor, along with scores music and torn sheets of some script.

The young man closed his eyes, like wanted to hold those memories and fossilize them in his mind, but then the voice of his younger brother Dylan brought him back to reality.

- I can't believe they want to sell the house-.

The 22-year-old made a disgusted face and takes a long sip of beer, wiping his lips with his hands.

-Why didn't you buy it? - he snorted , with an obvious note of reproach.

Zac rolled his eyes and ignored him: his brother's disappoint was not the last thing you had to occupy.

-Dyl, I've already explained why. There is no point in buying it. What was I supposed to do with it?-

-Leave it like this! Fuck, it's like we're selling our whole life! All of our memories are in here! - Dylan kicked a frustrated kick at the " Sold" sign that towered undisturbed on the lawn, and immediately regretted it, cursing at the pain that he had caused to himself.

-Dylan , I already have two houses. I don't need a third one-

-But it is our home!-

-I know it. Do you think I agree with this whole situation? -

-I believe that you are proving too accommodating. It’s so easy, this is not the time to behave like this! They look like two in their twenties! They have no right! They don't have the right to take and throw away a life together! - the boy's voice cracked. - They don't have the right - he muttered, kicking a pebble and hiding the face of his older brother.

Zac was sure Dylan was holding back from bursting into tears. What did he think he was doing? Their parents certainly didn't need to ask their permission to do certain things. And then he too was shuddering, but with confusion. He wanted answers. He hadn't felt so lost in years, or maybe it was only years that he pretended to be fine and that his life was going great. He was so accustomed to goodbyes and change identities and roles in his work, who really did not understand all the rage of his younger brother. But a small part of him hates Dylan. Even in that situation it was up to him to take care of Dylan. Zac have to play the part of the good big brother, tell Dylan that everything would be okay in the end.  Zac himself wasn't sure about it , but he knew he had to do it because he would never, ever abandon his family in a moment like that .

-Hey guys! We did not call you to chasing butterflies! - the voice of their father David called both brothers to work - I need a hand here ! - said the man dragging two old bikes along the driveway. Zac tried to make himself feel good. Those were their old bikes. What the hell was his dad doing? Did he want to throw them away? They were old, but certainly not scrap. Why did he have all this sudden urge to get rid of their old stuff?

- Come on, let's go. The sooner we finish packing everything, the sooner we can leave little brother- Zac held out a hand to him and Dylan helped him get up.

-I go inside to mom and you stay with dad , ok? -.

Dylan nodded and walked reluctantly into the garage while Zac entered in the house. Just a few weeks early the hall’s walls were full with family photos: little Zac and Dylan with their female cousins during their childhood, family holidays in Hawaii and Colorado, David’s photos of his work trips. Now it was all gone.

Zac saw his mother in the kitchen area. She was setting up pot and pans in some sad brown boxes.

-Hey mom, do you need a hand here? -

-Oh yes, thanks honey. You can start bringing these in the car. I don't think your father wants to keep them , they're just old dishes from grandma's good service. They'll have a better spot in my new house-.

Beside Starla were four full boxes with the word "Kitchen" on it. Zac took a breath while Dreamer, the old family dog, was bouncing around, sniffing Zac’s snew brand jeans.

-Hey dude- he scratched his head affectionately -you'll change house soon-.

For nearly ten years that old dog had lived in Arroyo Grande and now… and now he will live in Oregon. If Zac stopped to think about it it was absurd. Even more absurd was to think that even him would never set foot in that house again.

-I will cry every night without him- his mother finally turned to look at him. Starla, despite her sixty-five years, was still an extremely attractive woman : blonde, without even a white hair , with sweet features and two large hazel eyes. Zac, however, could not help but notice that his mother was extremely tense and had two deep dark circles that furrowed her eyes, as if she hadn't slept well for months.

-Mom I'd take it , you know. I already have Puppy and Simon gets along well with dogs, but Dad insisted so much on having him-.

-No honey, it’s okay. Your father wants to do his own thing this time too ... where’s your brother? -

Zac tried to ignore his mother's unhappy comment.

-Dylan is in the garage helping dad, he is a little lost, but he'll soon get over it-

Stare was silence for a moment, she was pale. Then she approached the eldest son and hugged him tightly.

-Thank you honey for coming today. And thanks for dragging Dylan here. I know he's angry , you probably are angry too-.

Probably he was angry. His mother was probably right. Probably Zac should have been angry too. But the reality was that he was not angry, he was in a blind confusion. How was it was even possible that his parents, after two children and thirty years of marriage, had decided to put an end to their marriage? How was it possible that two people who had been madly in love for years now decided to divorce? And without even some drama. Zac had noticed that something was wrong between his parents during the Easter holidays, the last April, but had not given too much attention on it. He was so busy with his new movie and then what couple didn't have some bumps on the road  after so many years together? Besides, he and his brother had  left home at a young age and her mother had recently lost his father. Perhaps Starla and David were just going through a transition phase. But when the two young Efron brothers showed up home for the Fourth of July holiday , their parents sat them down in the living room, announcing their impending divorce. “ We don't get along anymore” his father had sadly sentenced, visibly embarrassed when his parents, Hal and Dot, both in their eighties, had asked for an explanation cause they were worried. Zac hadn't believed a single word because everything his father had said to justify himself : it just didn't make sense in his head. It just didn't make sense. Because two adults with common sense as her parents had always been don't wake up one morning and decide that they don't love each other anymore, that they feel so indifferent towards each other that they ask for a divorce. They were not an inexperienced young couple with small children, they were two mature people with children already away from home. Starla and David should have enjoyed the serenity that reigned in the Efron house…. and instead they had come to hate each other .

- Mom, can I ask you something? – Zac said.

-Anything you want honey-Starla looked into his son’s eyes..

-Dad was cheating on you? -. he knew he was crossing a fine line between respect for his parents and irreverence, but he wanted honesty from both of his parents.

Starla started to hear those words coming from one of her children. He looked to Zac straight in the eyes.

-Zachary ...-

-I am serious mom. I know it's not a question ... it's not a simple question to answer-

-It is not a question a child should ask to his mother-

-Mom, please. You 've been talking to me about sex and love since I was ten and you and dad have been fucking open with me and Dylan. I just have to understand-

-Love changes Zac. It changes and in some cases it ends - .

The young man gave her a doubtful look: it couldn't be like that, it wasn't enough for him. Love ends for a reason.

- I don't think that's enough. Not after thirty years. Until last year everything was fine, you and dad loved each other. You and dad were fine-

- Your father and I had been in trouble for a long time. We had been in that way for a long time, but we gritted our teeth and always told ourselves that it was worth trying to fix things, but then we reached the breaking point-.

-How much time? -

- A long time - now Starla was slightly annoyed - please Zachary, these are ... these are decisions ... this decision that your father and I made was terribly difficult for both of us . But I want him to be happy and he wants the same thing for me. I know that and you and Dylan do not understand our choice, but I ask only to respect it-.

Zac took a step back. Perhaps he had exaggerated, perhaps he should have given her space.

.Ok- he replied, shrugging - I'm going to put these in your car and I'll be back-.

A moment later Starla found herself squeezed in the arms of her eldest son. Zac's arms encircled her from behind and the boy deposited a light kiss on her head. He had already got rid of the box.

-Sorry mom. Sorry- he whispered - I shouldn't have asked you those things-.

-It's okay- the woman turned to look him in the face and reassure him - I don't expect you and Dylan to approve this… this thing-.

The woman lightly touched the blue coin that peeled from her son's breast : it had been a year since Zac hadn't touched a drop of alcohol. He had done it for his health, but mostly for his family.

-Dad and I know that for you, the last year has been difficult , indeed the last few years  . But we are so proud of you honey-.

-Mom ... - the boy blushed. If there was one thing he hated it was receiving compliments when he knew he didn't deserve it. His mother was right, it was a difficult year for him.

- After all, you have been sober for more than a year, not that you were an alcoholic before ... -

-Mom, stop it-

-What's ?-

-Stop! I don't deserve it! -

-What? You started drinking too much, you noticed it in time and went through rehab. You're a good boy and you always take care of your brother. Zac, you deserve these compliments. You are my baby-

-I am not your baby anymore, for many years now- Zac kissed her on the cheek. He was incredibly grateful to her. He was incredibly grateful to both of his parents. -Dyl and I wanted to leave immediately, but I think that we’ll sleeping here and we'll have breakfast together-.

-Do you wanna sleep here? Zac the furniture in your room has already been taken away-

-We will use the sleeping bags in the garage - Zac looked around , full of affection for his childhood home – I wanna sleep here one last time. The kitchen stove still works - his eyes twinkled.

-I will make the waffles that you like so much- said Starla-but you have to share the news you’re your father-

-Mom! -

-Zachary ! -

-You guys have been married  for thirty years, and made eachother happy and now you can not share even a breakfast together? -

The woman bit her lower lip. She was thinking.

-If it's fine for your father , then it's ok- she finally said.

The young man hugged her again to thank her. He was sure she knew when that house meant to all of them and wanted to give her a fitting goodbye.

- Are you sure you didn't have anything else to do? You were supposed to go to Ashley's wedding this weekend-

-Ash will understand- zac said firmly - I'm going to tell dad and Dylan that we are stay here tonight-.

  Vanessa sighed into the darkness of the room and read over and over again the message that Ashley Tisdale, her best friend, had sent her.

“Nessa, I 'm sorry . Kiss Austin for me. Call me for anything. "

That was Ashley. Vanessa adored her: even days before from her marriage to Chris, her best friend had think to herself for a second.

The girl didn't type a return answer, it wouldn't make sense. It was already three in the morning and she would call Ashley tomorrow so she could talk to her calmly. Austin's soft snore indicated that he had finally fallen asleep. Vanessa touched her boyfriend's blond hair - he looked so peaceful while he was sleeping. Austin seemed to be able to finally rest only when he slept: his mother Lori's condition had worsened further and she had been rushed to hospital. When doctors had informed them that she probably would not past the night, Austin had ended in a selective mutism. He had watched her mother suffer through months of cancer and now he was not saying that all the treatments, the money spent and the hours spent at her side were useless? That all the prayers they had addressed to God had not been heard?

Vanessa was his rock. From the exact moment she arrived the diagnosis she had done the impossible to stay close to her fiance. It had calmed him, comforted him. And so she had done that evening too, cradling him in her arms to make him fall asleep.

She wasn't ready to lose Lori either: she had grown a bond with the woman during those three years she had spent with Austin, she wasn't ready to give up on her. Not when the rest of the world kept spinning, when the rest of the people continued to live as if nothing had happened. Vanessa had always believed that if she behaved well, if she proved to God that she was a good person , then nothing bad could ever happen to her in life. Or at least nothing catastrophic. Thinking back it was a purely childish thought, but until then no event had affected that worldview. Yet in the last year she had had to change her mind. She had discovered that perhaps God did not listen to the prayers of everybody , perhaps God did not exist at all or perhaps he was just an old sadist who played to move his pieces at will on a large chessboard. There was no other possible explanation. God had blessed her with talent, fame and a peaceful family life. Maybe he had given her too much. Sometimes the girl thought she was the cause of Austin's suffering. He was too perfect for her. The Butler family was perfect and now Lori was paying the price for all that God had given to Vanessa. If Austin had known what she really thought he probably would have thought that she was crazy, but there was nothing that Vanessa could do about it.

Promise me  that you'll take care of him.

Those were the last words Lori had said to her three days ago . She hadn't said them with the knowledge that they would be the last words she would ever say to her future daughter in law but they were. And now Vanessa feel that she is responsible for Austin's happiness. Lori had been her son's chosen one for years and now she was gone forever. It was up to Vanessa, therefore, to try to make her boyfriend's life as normal as possible.

The girl sighed heavily as she retraced the events of the previous days. It was all still confused. Lori's funeral had only taken place that same afternoon. The memory, however, was blurred in the girl's mind and seemed to belong to centuries ago. Lori had wanted to die in the hospital in Los Angeles, where she had spent the last few weeks of her life. The funeral ceremony therefore took place in Los Angeles, where the woman's body was cremated. If she closed her eyes, Vanessa could clearly see the broken face of Austin's father and sister, she could feel her boyfriend's tight grip during the eulogy. She hadn't cried at the funeral, she hadn't had the strength. She heard Austin move and mutter something in his sleep and so Vanessa’s gaze fall on the alarm clock: three in the morning. She might as well try to sleep for at least a couple of hours. In the morning, Austin's family would take Lori's ashes home to their family home in Anaheim . Austin needs her. He would need all the affection he could get. The girl switch off the cell, laid her head on the pillow and fell into a deep dreamless sleep.