#my mom made me take a xanax so i cwoukd stop freaking out but now im judt sad. i cants stop crying
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#sorry ive been making a lot of journal type posts#i dont have anyone to talk to right now#and i know that some of younwill understand me even if you dont say anything or wgatever#my mom has been yelling at me since i woke up and i cant have panic attacks in front of her because shell yell and make it worse and tell me#to stop when i cant. i have panic disprder. holding in a panic attack gives me thise splittonf headache that runs frkm my left ear to my#left eye. i tried to open up to her and she yelled at me more. i told her i havent been taking my medicine and she yelled#i told her ive been afraid to tell her i lost my medicine because i though she woulf yell at me and she proved my point#then she asked if i was afraid of her. maam you beat me and emotionally abused me all through my formative years#am i not supposed to be afraid of you?? is that literally not what you want from me? one of my earliest memories is getting rugburn on my ba#back because you dragged me by m hair across the ground ybefore whooping me#what was the goal? to get me to appreciate your discipline? youve scarred me forever any youre never gonna accept that blame#we have the same conversations about my mental gealth and every single time you sct li ve youve never heard me say this shit before#becahse yoh really dont care. you think im a carbon copy of you but im not because i have compassion and insight while all you have is ra#i feel so so alone. im too depressed to contact my friends.#my mom made me take a xanax so i cwoukd stop freaking out but now im judt sad. i cants stop crying#why am i still scared if her? shes old and even if she does hit me it doesnt even hurt any more. but fuck.#im so over this. i just eant to go back to school#but my roomate situation is completely terrible and mayhabe in fact ruined my relationship woth my gf#i just need my medicine and i want my therapist back#she finally made me feel like i had someone i could talk to. because imy therapist was the only person i could really tryst to tell her e#every thing#i miss having an outlet. i miss making art. i miss feeling ok. i miss my friends. i misd feeling understood#if youve read this far thank you. it feels good to feel like someone might be seeing me right now
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