#my mom left to buy a space heater aT ONE THIRTY IN THE AFTERNOON

[nsfwitchy2]

I love my family so much but I wanna state for the record that if this was my house - if I woke up and the first thing I noticed was the heating was broken

I personally would’ve gone out and bought space heaters. Immediately. Not made breakfast first, not gotten dressed first, not tried to get in contact with 4 different relatives hoping they “know a guy” - I am walking my ass into Walmart in my pajamas to buy space heaters

And then I’m spending the rest of the day trying to figure out how to fix the heating

The heat in our house went off and everytime I propose the concept that having the heat go out when it’s 30 degrees outside is BAD and no I will not go get dressed because I’m not even coming out from under the blankets it’s 30 degrees in our fucking home - I am told it’s “not that bad” and I’m “over reacting”

So for the record if the heat doesn’t get fixed in some way today I’m renting a hotel room tonight and since our house is so “not that bad” I will rent it exclusively for myself and nobody else <3

[fishmongeringstudies]

ten things my mother doesn't know

one: why i bought the fila's. she knows i bought them and she knows i bought another pair last week but i never told her why i was up at one in the morning to begin with, why my finger slipped on the button and i hit buy instead of 'do you want to block this number? yes'. i never told her about the boy who laughed and said 'i love your new shoes'. how his own shoes were old and stained with paint. how his eyes were the kind of blue you want to eat. how i lost my appetite days later.

two: i wore the same shirt for three days in a row. to be fair, we were in the negatives all week and it's not like you can really feel your skin when it's that cold out and your room has a mini-fridge for a heater, but she would've wrinkled her nose at me anyway. how can you live like this, she'd ask, holding the shirt out at arm's length like one would a child. are you okay?

three: my hair was gross on my first night at college. i had a bottle of body soap but i'd forgotten to buy shampoo and conditioner at my friend's place over the weekend and it had been too heavy to pack into my suitcase. it only dawned on me long after i'd left everything familiar behind, rummaging around in my belongings like a man possessed with a bitter dream. standing under the running water while a stranger hummed to themselves in the stall farthest from mine, three weeks' worth of anxiety itching to be dragged out of my ugly airplane-matted hair, i wanted to stick my face in the snow until all my skin froze off. i felt like a failure and wanted desperately to cry. but i didn't. i didn't do anything.

four: asparagus makes your pee smell weird. for three months i thought i was going to die constantly and then one day someone was like you know how asparagus fucks with your pee and i was like asparagus fucks with your pee? and they were like yeah. it's the acid in that shit. like real acid. like, you're normal, dude. you're not going to die.

five: why i bought the second pair of fila's.

six: why it took me thirty minutes to find the sim card she'd 'packed in the carry-on suitcase, probably in the blue bag, it's not that hard to find, you know'. it was, though. it was real fucking hard to make myself go back in there.

seven: because i wasn't okay. not even close. because i took a nap this afternoon and in my dream i left the door to my room open and he invited himself in, looming over me in that big empty space and asking in that horrible paper-plate voice: why didn't you tell me you left?

eight: because i never left. because not enough of me left. because it took me three months to realize that when you fly across the ocean for college it'll take you forever and five days to re-assemble the mirror-shards of your existence and that's okay, and you're going to do some really stupid shit before you remember who you are and that's okay, you're going to fuck up so bad. but that's okay. even if you aren't. even if you have all this hurt and no idea what to do with it, who to give it to, how to make the art on the wall look nice again so you can invite people to sit on the sofa.

nine: hey, mom, did you know? i kissed someone. i kissed someone and i hated it. hated them, too. hated everything that led up to that moment and everything i pretended to be for the weeks after that, hated the fact that i let myself get so lonely, hated how the hair on my arms stood on end whenever the battered old thought crossed my mind and i wanted to grab my toothbrush and rake it down my tongue until every cell had been scraped clean off. sometimes you think a city is the answer and then you get there and everything's on fire. sometimes you're the fire. sometimes you make shit burn. all i ever wanted was for someone to love me as much as i loved myself, but it turns out i'm full of love. it takes a lot to match up to that. so far no one's tried very hard.

ten: here's what i want out of summer. first of all i want to learn how to make egg rolls. to do this i'm going to buy a square frying pan and to buy a square frying pan i'm going to go to target tomorrow with a friend. if there aren't any square frying pans then i will order one from amazon. if jeff bezos sends me another pair of fucking bathroom slippers i will beat up one of the metal railings outside this building and make one myself. after that i want to read a lot of books and learn about a thousand ways to turn the universe into a string of text then i'll tell a lot of good stories. it doesn't matter what format they're in, if i'm writing a poem or caterwauling into someone's face from six feet away. maybe i'll even start a podcast that i'll forget about after three episodes and return to, years later, when i'm older and wiser and better at cupping light between my palms. maybe i won't. maybe i'll learn to skateboard. i tried to learn how to skateboard in december before the world fell apart, but then the world fell apart, so i never did get very far. even now, i'm still standing in my old bedroom, you know? you can't see me but i'm searching for old ticket stubs on the dresser table; i'm rearranging the books on my shelf. i'm writing you a letter.

ten: i wasn't okay for a long time, mom. but i'm trying to be, and this podcast i've started listening to is really funny and keeps making me cry at unexpected moments in the story, and this room is so bright it hurts my eyes to look up, and summer looks like the kind of girl you want to fall in love with and who'll grind one pretty kitten-heel into your heart, so you'll have to forgive me for the mess.

i'll clean it up later. i promise. just let me put these shoes away first.

05.30.21

[erid-search-history]

Baby blues Ch.4

So i know that no one asked for a filler chapter, but here you go you little monsters

Slight mention of injury, past relations with parents, and fluff. you have been warned.

As the leaves began to fall off the trees, and the days got colder, Gwen only got bigger with it. At this point she was able to actually see a baby bump. This had made her decide that it was time to do some more shopping.

Max jumped out of the car, and shivered from the lack of a heater blowing in his face. “God damn it’s cold as s-shit.”

He waited for Gwen by the back of the vehicle, who grabbed his hand gently and lead him out of the cold. “I know, it’s only the beginning of November too. I hope your father is holding up better though. It’s gotta be freezing out there in the park.”

He nodded, concerned now. Hopefully he wouldn’t get sick on patrols.

As they entered the store, a wave of warmth washed over their skin. They let out a couple shivers, before noticing the smell of cinnamon and peppermint that followed.

Christmas decorations flooded their vision. No store window was complete without a deer or Santa. Nope.

Max shuddered at the ugly excuse for a christmas display he saw inside a store. He felt like he could barf at merely the sight of the festive characters.

As they walked through, he noticed an abundance of other mothers with their children. They were most likely trying to get more winter clothes or were simply enjoying the sales. Other than this, it wasn’t all that busy, it still being somewhere around two thirty in the afternoon.

They made their way into a kid’s clothing department, Max rolled his eyes once more.

Gwen smiled, looking for the baby section. “Ok sport, go look around the kids side and see if you can find something to wear when it snows. You grew quite a bit since last year, meaning you’ve probably grown out of your other one by now.” He gave her a half assed salute and started to walk to another section. “I’ll be right here where you can see me if you need anything ok?”

He nodded again and continued.

She could visibly see that he had immediately taken interest in a grey hoodie with the words ‘thirst for the void’ on it. She smiled to herself and picked up a green onesie. It had small pine trees on it with the words ‘lil’ camper’ on it. She knew david was going to throw a fit when he saw, she just couldn’t resist.

She plopped it into the cart and was about to pick out another, but stopped when she heard a small voice yelp in pain. She looked over, and just guess who she saw sitting on the ground. The now concerned women rushed her way over to the small boy to see what was wrong. He sat up, and she put a protective arm around him. “Are you ok? Did you trip on something?” she looked over at what appeared to be one of those dolls that were supposed to be on the shelf in another area.

“Yeah i’m fine, people and their shitty kids need to pick up after themselves though. Seriously david would have a cow if i left something laying around like that. Shit.”

He tried standing, but his movement was stunted.

He had small tears form in the corners of his eyes, and gwen’s heart broke at that.

“Well C’mon, let’s go find you a seat.”

He stood up, and leaned against her, she would have picked him up, but was pretty sure it would murder her back.

He hissed anytime his foot touched the tile floor, and it only caused him to become more agitated. She sat him on a bench, before going back in to pay for their things.

When she came back, he had already began to inspect his swollen ankle.

She sat next to him.

“Does it hurt too much to walk?”

He nods.

“Well, how about I get you into a cart and we can go to the car? You’ll probably need to see a doc, just to make sure it heals properly”

He shook his head, “I don’t wanna ruin this. This is the one day i can actually say i was looking forward to this week.”

He turned a shade of red and looked away, gwen smiled a bit.

“Ok, well.. How about I let you sit in the cart while i finish, it should only take about an hour. Plus, now that I think about it, the doctor’s office might be closed today.”

He nods, and opens his arms to be comforted. She holds him close, and in this moment, she’s happy to be here with max.

They finish buying all of the clothes they need, not that many actually, and head off to a nearby fast food joint.

“Ok, so what would you like to get Max?”

They both decide on hot chocolates and some burgers.

Once they’re home, Gwen gets max to sit on the couch, and pulls out  the first aid kit. He’s set up with his food, a nice holiday special, and his foot propped up on a stool. The heat from a heating pad feeling really nice where it was painful before.. Gwen sat beside him, also enjoying the warmth of the space heater in front of them. She places a hand on her stomach and giggles when she feels slight movement.

Max glances over but says nothing. It’s not like he cares about whatever mushy thing she’s thinking about. Probably one of her doctor thingies again. Barf.

“Hey Max, did.. Did you wanna touch it?”

He’s slightly taken aback by the sudden question, “excuse me?”

“My stomach, i mean. I know it might seem weird, but i’m willing to bet you’ve never been around someone who’s pregnant before me, huh?”

He scoffs, “yeah I didn’t get out much growing up. To be honest, i’m still trying to comprehend the fact that you got pregnant and decided to keep me.”

She frowned, but placed her hand on his.

“It’s ok to be curios max, and we would never replace you. Even if you’re a little shit sometimes, we still love you.” She smirks, “besides, who would be around to help me torment David?”

He giggled and nodded, “yeah, anyone else who even tried would be shit at it, i guarantee.”

He pulls his hand back to his chest, and rubs his fingers together anxiously. He looks to her stomach again, his own in knots.

“So..say I was kinda wondering what it’s like… how would I..?”

She giggled at him again. “I’ll show you, it’s ok.”

She placed a hand over his again and lead it up to the top of her small bump. She dragged it up and down slowly. “You feeling anything move Max?”

He started to shake his head before stopping their hands.

“whoa…..I.. That’s gross.”

He retracted his hand, and folded his arms. Gwen couldn’t help but laugh this time.

By the time she had calmed down, she noticed max was staring at her stomach.

“What is it? Wanna touch the ‘gross’ thing again?”

He shook his head rapidly. “N-no i just, well...do you feel it when it moves?’’

She looked down to her stomach. “Yep, every damn move.”

He paused, but gently reached out again. It was weird, but kinda cool?

Gwen relaxed against the couch,  continuing to watch the movie. “Yeah, just wait til I get bigger. The baby isn’t even due for at least 5 more months.”

He retracts his hand again, and looks down to his foot.

“Damn, does.. Does it hurt when you’re pregnant? What does it even feel like?”

She drinks some co coa out of her foam cup, and shakes her head. “Nah it’s more like..someone is poking you from the inside. It really only hurts my back sometimes but that’s it really.”

As she goes to set her mug down, the front doorknob jiggles and the sound of keys can be heard.

David walked in slowly, not wanting to startle anyone. He smiles at gwen when he sees her.

“Hey guys! Sorry i’m home so late, i was helping miss johnson with her decorations in the park, and you know how, well, scatterbrained she can be!”

He smiles and sets his bags down, taking off his ranger hat and kisses gwen on the cheek. “How were my two favorite people today?”

Gwen smiles when she’s kissed gently by him, and hums in response to the question. “Well, we picked up some clothes today, got a bite to eat and all. Max kinda sprained his ankle, so..”

She looks over at max’s set up, along with david. He frowns and puts a hand over his mouth. “Oh no! Does it hurt? Where is the pain? Can you feel it?”

Max has to push mama bird david out of his face. “Yes, it’s fine. Geez, you act like this has never happened before. Broken bones aren’t that big of a deal david, let alone a sprained ankle.”

He crosses his arms, trying to put on his “i don’t fuckin care about shit” face, but he actually is kinda glad that david cares so much about his well-being.

David frowns again, but chippers up and raises a hand in excitement. Max flinches a bit, but watches carefully.

“Well max, even though i know you don’t want me to know how painful that is, i have something that will get your mind off the pain!”

He smiles at both of them and grabs a box out of his bag. The front is red and has a gingerbread man on the front. “I thought maybe we could put together a gingerbread house!”

Max and gwen look at him confused, and he gives a small chuckle. “Heh, my dad and i used to make these every christmas before he left mom. Those were some of the best years of my childhood.”

He looks to nothing in particular, reminicing back to when he was probably around 4.

Max looks at the man very warily, nodding. “Ok, i guess that sounds ok. At least it involves food.”

“Yeah,” gwen chimes in, “that sounds like it could be something that won’t burn the house down.”

David sighs, “ONE TIME.”

Gwen and max bust out in giggles at the flustered man. Well, at least they’re smiling.

All together it was a nice bonding activity for them, save for the frosting david had mushed in his hair for a week. Max’s ankle had been doing fairly better, and was back to causing mischief in no less than two weeks.

Max was happy, but only hoped it would stay that way...

[son-of-a-duck]

January 5, 2017

This morning I woke up and the guys on the radio said there wasn't much snow on the ground, like maybe an inch.  They apparently get to work very early and have no access to windows because when I looked there was well over an inch.

This presented a bit of a problem because maybe my tires need changing.  I had absolutely no traction.  Once I turn onto the main road by my house there is a big hill.  Turning onto the main road was a bit sketchy but I made sure there weren't any cars behind me and that the ones in front were far in front so I wouldn't have to worry about having to stop halfway up the hill and then not being able to start up it again.  When I turned onto the next side street it was back to a lot of wheel spinning and minor fishtailing.  I couldn't tap the gas light enough to avoid spinning out.  After parking at the dentist's office I looked at my tires they were completely packed with snow and ice.  So I was basically driving on ice skates.

I should have canceled my dentist appointment because they told me what they always tell me.  My teeth look great.  My gums look great. Keeping doing what I'm doing.

On my way home I tried using the manual shift option on my car.  I think it was my first time using it on purpose.  I think most automatic cars have Drive and then a couple other lower gear options but mine just has the manual shift option.  Getting out of the parking lot I kept it in first and second gear.  I got adventurous and bumped it up to third on the side street.  I went back to full auto on the main street until I got to the hill near my house and then left it in second going down the hill so I wouldn't have to use my brakes.  I felt a lot safer doing that.

With the rest of my morning I watched more Madoka Magica and played more Farming Simulator 15.  I finally had enough money to buy the corn-harvesting header for my combine, so I did and went to the store to get it.  Then I spent at least twenty minutes harvesting my corn field.  One of the reasons it took so long is because my trailer isn't very big so I had to take multiple trips to go sell it.

I believe it was on my last trip to sell grain, right after unloading it, that the power blinked and my computer shut off.  When I got everything turned back on and got back into the game I learned that I apparently hadn't saved in awhile.  I was standing at the spawn point without a tractor because it was up at the grain place.  When I ran down to my field, all the corn was still there, not harvested, and my combine did not have the corn-harvesting header on it.  Good grief. I had to run all the way back to the grain place to get my tractor, then re-bought the header and drove to the store to pick it up, and then started to harvest the corn for the second time.  It made a tedious job enough more tedious.  I did learn that there is invisible corn, however, so that's a plus.  Even when there aren't any cornstalks visible, if there are dark, shadow-looking spots, there's corn there.

Before heading to work I swept off half of my front porch and the steps so that when my box of food was delivered the UPS guy wouldn't have to leave it in the snow.

Work was a slow and quiet day.  I finalized the handout for the class next week.  I added in the XKCD comic about passwords, as well as links to the random word list and random number generator, along with a screenshot of how I used the random number generator.

I sent an email to all the patrons coming to the class, or at least started the email.  The librarian who will be teaching the class composed most of it because she knew what she wanted to say and she wanted to say it in her own style.  It was basically a helpful reminder for the patrons attending that they should have access to their email address, especially if they need to create a Facebook account, and they should bring pictures if they want to upload pictures.  We also asked them to send in any questions they would like answered during the class.  Hopefully they all read the email. At least one person did and wrote back with a question that was way beyond the scope of the glass.  The librarian responded, basically saying as much, and told her about the one-on-one tech trainer and the tech drop-in times.  Which means I should probably start researching the question just in case.

Tonight I spent most of the evening talking with my coworker.  When we work together, especially closing, we end up spending a lot of the time talking about video games and other random tech things.  It was good tonight because I really didn't have anything I needed to do. Or was willing to do.  I made a post on our building-wide job talking about the upcoming classes and workshops and included a picture of the schedule.  This was the idea of one of the other librarians and I think it was a good one.  Now the other staff around the building will have an idea of what is coming up in case they get a question from a patron or see a patron need that can be met by one of the classes or workshops.

The two older ladies were back today.  They were there when I got to work at noon and I have no reason to believe they hadn't been there since we opened.  And they were there as we closed, like they have been several times over the last two weeks.  I could still hear them upstairs with five minutes to go so I went up and my coworker was trying to urge them along.  While he turned to help one of them get her flash drive the other logged back into the computer and started typing a new document because she wanted to print it out.  My coworker and I both started protesting at the same time and told her she didn't have time and needed to log off.  They were still picking up things as the final announcement went off and I headed downstairs to do a final walkthrough.  I joked the other day with my coworkers that we needed to block off the bathrooms because the go-to of these ladies is to be there until we actually close and then go into the bathroom for at least another five minutes.  Tonight the custodian actually put a sign on the door saying there was a leak in the first floor women's restroom and locked the door.  It worked perfectly because they couldn't get in and had to resign themselves to actually leaving.

When I got home there was not one but two boxes on my porch.  One was obviously my food.  It was packaged really well.  Each meal was in its own small box, which were located inside a thermal bag thing along with two big ice packs.  This must be a winning combo because even though it had sat on my porch for five hours, nothing was frozen.  There are a couple ingredients I'm not going to use, like the kale for the soup, or the olives for the flatbread, but I'm excited to try the different meals.

The other box was the space heat with the 3D virtual fireplace effect that my mom ordered the other day and that she let me pay for.  Much like the ladder it was also a pain in the butt to get out of the box. One of the leading reasons for finding a significant other at the moment is that so I have someone to hold boxes as I try to get crap out of them.  I did eventually manage it, got the legs screwed on, and got it plugged in.  I like it.  It seems solidly built, it looks nice, and the flame effect is pretty cool.  So far I am pleased.

When I got the food put away and the heater put together I hoped into Farming Simulator 15 and recorded today's audio journal.  It ended up lasting over thirty minutes, which is surprising.  And now after writing all this it feels a bit like deja vu.  Such is my life now.  I am enjoying recording the audio journal and I hope I keep it up this time.

Now I am going to go to bed because it is half past midnight and I'm tired.  My goal for tomorrow was to not leave the house but I apparently have a urologist appointment tomorrow afternoon.  I thought I had one coming up but didn't realize it was so soon.  At least it is in the afternoon.  I haven't had a kidney stone in quite awhile now, so I kind of feel like canceling the appointment but it can't hurt just to check in.  I'll probably end up going.