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queencryo · 6 years ago

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@silly-go-round is asleep right now.

i guess i should make a journal for the past few days. as good a time as any. as AMY. heh. cuz shes super good and amazing. heh.

uh...... lessee.... for the two days after the last journal i just. hung out at the house while silly worked. i managed to not keep her in bed and make her late the second day. hung out a lot, watched more adventure time, worked on my tumblr filter script (lie. i judt ran it on my main. 200 posts / day is a bitchhhh) , played a good amount of ds3 (to pointof tetris effect at a couple points the nexg few days)

also did some like. helpful tasks. washed some dishes (undone quicklu, but. eh). not enough, mot as much as i shouldve, but... i tried i guess.

alao we've like. said the same thing at the dame time a Lot while ive been here and its like. nice. its really nice. same wavelength! i feel so close go her.

oh! alxo night before last we went grocery shoping. got food for prolly enoygh for the two weeks, but i guess we'll see. also a cheesecake! it was.... echausting. hily fuck it was exhaysting. jesus. the store was big and it took like 3 hours and $200 to get everything but. we did itttt.

we both mentionef that like. it felt nice to like. have a full fridge 2gether. cuz. it feels like were gonna have a futjre togetjer? u know. like that is. i love her a lot and it feels good for this to feel like a home for a little while. we hope that it can be so in tbe future.

so YESTERDAY she finally FINALLY taught me how to play magic the gathering. it was. a long time coming. but she brought me into the store and like. sat me down w some regulars and had me play commander. i played moooostly her snake deck, so like.that was fun!! i kept talki g about how i woulda gotten lorescale Coatl up to 39/39 and flying, had i like. gotten q more turn. but on that game D was running a mill deck that was. extremely long to play (that game took like ~>2 hours ugh), and was very bery annoying, so i didnt get to actually do that.

but it was fun! part of me wants to blog everything, but i dont think i will.

im glad to be able to use silly's decks, bc i dont think i want to make my own. im considering making a cheap angel deck or smth, but we'll see if yhat actually ends up happening.

i also met her girlfriend Iz, who is sweet. i played magic w her fkr a while, which was fun! she was runni g an annoying mono black deck (i kkow all these... these Terms and Words now, its incredible...)

shes sweet and i think i like her. dunno if enough to date yet (which makes me Partially regret flirting w her so much in the groupchat but. hey)

talked w her some, mostly about magic, hung out while silly closed the store, pet her cat, silly discovered that cyddling w TWO girlfriends is very nice (not rhat id know ;;;;;;;), was good times. i dont think im as comfy w izzy physically yet as i may have implied in messages, which hopefully wull be rectified by the message i just sent her (my initial physical comfort with people varies, it depends very much on the person)

skip forward, me and silly make a pizza at home cuz were fuckin tired, she admonishes me for not eating for uh... like 11 hours or smth (that mornings bagel was VERY good tho omg), but adderall, so like... meh.

uh... i dont think anything else on yesterday...

today! we waaamted to go to the store at like. 2. but in actuality got there at like! 330.

i went back to sleep cuz im a losenerd, and she. made this breakfast casserole thing. which hse put into a bagel abd brought to me bc i guess shes the best person on the entire earth oh my GOD. jesus

skip... apparently she knows maximum the hormone and doesnt like them very much... fair fair. (cause for xeath)

came to the store agai. tofay. it was fun and good. iz didnt come in today, do played some more with regulars. played w what is apparently called a blink deck, which revolvea arounf exiling cards then immediately bringing them back, to capitalize on "when this enters battlefield, do smth" cards. neat!

i DID actually manage to win today!!! the victory was. literally handed to me, but like. thats fine! i was playing silly's uhhh... elintor the masked? idr her name :( the mask planewalker! deck, which. i had SO much land, most of wh8ch was enchanfed. meaning it could be tapped then untapped w eljntor's thing, then tapped again for DOUBLE MANA. i mean. i had like 9/turn even b4 that but. BUT. i also had. i think i drew 3 creatures total. bit anyway. i had the white card that gave me a life whenever a creature was put on tge board (and also, w another enchantment, made all non-me creagurss and enchantments enter the board tapped, so. nya). so... rob had a card what dealt one damGe to all other players whenevr he puta. creature on the board. then he played united forces, which lets each player commit X mana to create X 1/1 soldier tokens on all players' boards. so. we made 28 white soldier tokens on everyones board. this killed perry, ans gave me, uh. 56 life (84 - 28). i then attacked ron for 28 w the soldiers, and drew sacred mesa, which lets me sacrifice 2 mana (1 any color, 1 white, but i had so many cards that said "this land can instead be tapped for 2 of any color, so like. ueah) to create a 1/1 flying pegasus token. so i. ended the game w 44 white 1/1 tokens. goblins get fucked.attack w my ssoldiers cuz his were tapped, so brought him down to 7 life. i didng catch what he did w the enchantment, but i think he said he like. put a copy of every creature on my side of the board onto his board, and then. cipying that enchantment 3 times. so. holy FUCK. wow. BUT those all came in tapped and i had 18 flying yokens, so. i still won! yay!!!! i won a game of magic!!!!!

goblin decks scare me. stop running krenko you fucks. exponential goblins goddamn

silly would come by every so often and like. look over my dhoulder and say "oh that was dumb whyd u use fabricate for thay" which is fair. but also god i love her. (i used fabricate for a mana generator insteaf of lightning greaves. whateverrrr) i love her so much dear god. i wish i coukd help w the store more, but. on the same time i also. dont enjoy working. so. maybe part time.

hm. what ekse. oh yeah i kove her so much.

by the end of the night it was just. me and her, rob and the two regulars i started out llaying w yestwrday. theyre sweet, i like them. theyre married. the dude calls me honey smtimes, which is. kinda weird? dunno how i feel about that. i guess fine. its gender-nice, but still a lil uncomfy. otherwise i like em fien, though. but they talked abouy moving into sillys apt. so thats cool!! better than her current (awful, terrible, lazy / horrifically depressed / manchild roomate, who doesnt clean ever) roomate. i was reading the monster of the week gamebook thruout, which i... bought, for some reason. idk. oh also i wanna make a fallen angel divine, because im... predictableeee. also a conspiracy thworist whos just a trans woman w way too much time and really weird hobbies (throwing knices, butterfly knife, net friends, etc). also a spooky. i speny like. 3 hours reading thr7 the monster of the week book while ppl played magic around me. i kinda wish i hadnt bought it, but hey! its neat c:

oh, also i didnt take adderall today. i dont think it went toooo bad, i think i like. was meaner and less thohghtful with what i said, but like. i guess thats better than feared. i took a caffeine pill (200mg) at ariund 10 which is. prolly why im wide awake right now. i regret doing that, sincr from what shes said tmos gonna be big)

she says we gotta be at her moms by 4, for reasons she WONT TELL ME. bit she says its part of one of her plans, i ASSUME the romantic one? im kind of afraid that ill like. no-sell it unwillingly because im abroke and soulless human being, but uh. i guess rhats thw risks we take to be alive :shrug: im excited. were also going to a shop (diff one) tmo, which im Quite excited for, as ive only been in similar shops by accident before. also doing laundry!!! which is important ^_^

oh ysah. so we got white castle on the way home. its. yeah she was r8ght. mediocre-at-best sliders. onions are bad.

we also made a pizza. whifh i ate most of. i overate. sob.

she fell asleep halfway thry an episode of nailed it. cant blame her, she seemed really tired. i hipe i dont disturb her rwst. and i feel so utterly blessed thay i can be around her.

ih!! i also fell down the last few staies ywstersay. bruised my arms, but otherwise fine. it was. idk, it is nice to knoe that others worry fir me and like me. she was very concerned. i love her.

#blog #ohio trip 2 #journal

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lielisstrange-blog · 6 years ago

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I came in with a storm 2182002 straight from the gods to a hospital in Maryville Tennessee

My existance called for change, leaving the couple im told to know as mother and father to divorce

I was put in a family of a brother and a sister and on one side i had mor cousins than i could count and the other seemed to be the ones who brought me here , with so many similarities with me

Growing up i was always smiling despite the constant aruging, verbal abuse, and later on physical abuse. I smiled becouse ,be it the gods, something told me id be just fine, that its all to change soon.

I was right.

Now ages 0-2 where pretty blurry

But from what i remember of 3-6

I met new siblings called step siblings and met this woman suppose to be a step mom. I didnt like them right away, i didnt really know why. But i treated them kindly likely becouse someone mentioned in a movie you should treat others how you liked to be treated. Now at this point i spent all my years in this big house doung whatever i wanted, i knew whats up and in this big house i was a bug but i was the king bee. No one ever stepped on my toes.

Now i didnt have much toys so i used my hands, i named them bith friends.

Which was kinda sad but they provided lots of entertainment when i was bored un school . I also spent my days watching drake and josh,icarly, and basically a bunch of nick and cartoon network shows from the 90s to early 2000s. One night i remember the mother coming to the house to sleep in the gym room. I had told her and my aunt that id sleep with them that night so i kept going back and forth rooms, aunts to the left,the other yo the right. At one point i got sick of it and sat in the middle of the hall looking out the door up the stairs directly obove me. I don't think i ever chose. I remmember mamaw worked for a jewlery company and we attended a christmas ball thing once, thus i descovored i loved christmas

Until around age 5, i realised i didn't care about school, loved christmas, felt lonely on Halloween and that everyone around me wasnt like me. Or perhaps i wasn't like them,,around that age someone who was suppose to be a cousin had me do some griss things with him. When we where cought with him on top of me, we where sat in the courner. Thats all that was done about it. Now ive always been very asexual, so i saw the act as a performance of sorts and truly didnt care as it ended shortly after. Until i was kicked off my thrown and moved out with the step siblings and that father. I was treated unfairly but found it hard to care. The step brother about two years older than me started demanding im to kiss him which i thought was gross. But he said if i didnt, hed tell on me. Given he was the favorite and had actual pull in the house i had no choice but to comply. Which i didnt but hed make me. At this time id go to the mothers house every other weekend to see my sister, eat pizza, and watch 90s cartoons or Madagascar. I swear i memorized that movie. Now the kissing eacalated through out the years into worse and worse things. But i honestly never put much thought in it. I was unattached from each side of the family already so i didnt care. My memory of these years are blurry due to repression. Not the kind youd think though.

See a memory that came back to me i was about age 7. I went outside in a fit and as i walked the wind seemed to kick up and i raised my hands at the side of me slowly making it kick more. I stud on a stump and remeber making a leaf tornado. I was very happy with my work. But at these times i was being told magic was evil from the mother. I figured it was magic, got off of the stump and stomped inside.

From 7-9 i descovored more abilities almost yearly. I noticed id think of a shows episode or a line in the episode and no matter what id see that exact scene the day of or week after. It happened all the time. Id also be sitting in the car on hot days wanting a drink but knowing enough that they'd never stop for drinks. Id think this or a specific question about a person ir thing and some out, like my brain would go silent fir a moment. Then right after, one of the people in the front seat would ask that question, anwser it,or announce we're stopping for drinks.This happend so often that i assumed they had mind reading powers,i even asked them. They always said no thiugh.Another one seemed to be just magic ,like id want something to happen and the moment im not thinking about it, it just happens. Which sounds amazing but keep in mind i was trying to repress these abilities as much as i could along with memories of them so itd build up. Like when you're young and mad you might think about wanting something bad to happen to somone whoes mean to you. Now with this ability if you wanted it, just for a second, its long enough to do damage. Which,wasnt fun. Also one day i had a watch and said out loud that id descovor time... perhaps i have a time ability. I forgot to mention, when you try to repress things like this, you get KILLER headaches all the time. Like yiu cant run or jump or talk loud without feeling like your head was going to expload. I also made killer storms when angry. And i was always angry. But my abilities are fight or flight activated so itd never hurt me. Sometimes id black out and look off in a direction and use one of my powers. Like i couldn't control it, it had to get out. One time i was in a car, got angry, abd looked out a window,my mind went silent as i looked at a truck that was suppose to stop at a red light then looked at the tip of our car slowly until i was blasted back to reality as the truck hit our car. We span to the middle of the road, the two people in the frount seat crying and screeming as i sat their completely untouched with a shocked look on my face.

I remember the mother teaching the brother hiw to ride a bike,she didnt have time to teach me as well so i looked at what they where doing, hopped on my bike and flew down the hill. Now i didnt exactly know how to stop it so i mightve went down the hill straight into a tree. However, i got back up laughing my ass off and learned those little grippy things on the handles can stop the bike when needed. I then knew how to ride the bike and went flying down the hill again.

Now from 8-10 ish we lived in a house on a hill with a creek at the bottom and a church to the side. I spent those years unallowed to get on the internet, loving tv, trying to gather enough food to actually eat, saving pinnies to get 15cent candy and ever ran a little store to cell old toys. We also had an old schoolhouse in our backyeard and woods to play in, which i did often. It genuinely felt like i was growing up in a different time period as i hunted for crawdads and heard the rasist or homophobic rants from the father and step mother.

Now from about 8-11 i was shown back to the future, doctor who, and the joy of mac and cheese by my sister. The 9th doctor was my first him id seen, and i loved him and the show. Because up until this point id felt alone but he made me feel completely not alone. I also descovored i wanted to be a scientist, not even really knowing what that is yet. The gross things stopped for the most part. Also i picked up a camera phone for the first time making a video where i killed a stick and even crushed a berry to make it look of blood.

I thought it was so badass. At this point id visit the mothers house everyother weekend and sometimes go to mamaws every other other weekend. Mammaws being where my thrown originally was, although they moved to this town called oak ridge. Now i loved oak ridge. It was the original time bomb town. Ive also always had a weirdly strong connection to albert enstine whom was there. I swaer i genuinely was Nikola Tesla in a past life, he was an asexual scientist with cool hair and pure sass. The mother also moved to oak ridge. Her house had a tierswing made by my sister. I loved it there, it was a perfect time capsule until one night. We had just got there and i was playing with my binderoos as my sister was started getting yelled at by the mother. She was screaming, i think my sister threw a party or something. Then my sister got up just kinda talking her points out as the mother yelled and yelled then my sister started yelling. Then out if nowhere the one we've been calling mother, we'll now call "T" , slaped the glasses off of my sister. My sister looked shocked then left the house as T screamed. Now everytime id go over to her house shed make it seem like she was the good one, like he was evil. At this moment i knew for sure, neither of them where the good guys. So i grabbed my sisters glasses and fixed them with my bendaroos. What makes it worse is that my sister came to her house after being abused at mamaws. She knew that and still hurt my sister.

I never stopped smiling. I always knew itd get better.

Age 12 , the step brother sent false claims about my sister, leaving it to wear we couldn't see her for months that felt like years

She tought me that no one could tell me i wasnt what i wanted to be, even if it was a ninja . She tought me to fight ,how to get out of trouble, and told me stories of her stealing at my age. I only ever stole food or tiny things as we rarely had any

And now people at mamaws started ordering me around more , getting meaner , or perhaps they where always mean i just didnt care enough to catch it

I also watched harry potter for the first time and related very VERY much.

2012

We left that house with the creek and that step mother and where off to live at mamaws

Which i loved dearly as ut was the only place i was allowed to exist with out being hit or pushed or screamed at and i could go online

I descovored i love 50s music and shane dawson

I also started going to the elementary school across the street. Now with schools over the years, at first i just didnt care because it was easy and boreing, then it began where i couldnt pay attention as hard as i tried. Id look at a book and have a whole movie in my head playing about a magic book or something where ozzy Osborne came to my school to sing crazy train and hug me ...which i thought about a lot. Then the teacher would call me out for not paying attention, but it was never on perpous id just check out.i also had a habbit of always having teachers who hated me like one time in like first grade a teacher said i was in trouble and moved my car back (which was a paper car on a paper road that youd get rewarded for if you got far or punished if you got taken back). When she did that, i made it obvious that i gave no shits by sitting and saying nothing as she yelled. Hen she moved it firther back when seeing no reaction from me. Then further. Then straight up just called the father who we'll now call V. To another teacher who lout laud to the class said her dog writes neater than i.So my grades where never too good

From 2012-2014

Every morning for school at mamaws id get a little coffee, watch a little of the morning news, then head off

Every night i could, id watch boondocs or family guy with my little cousin who was basically my little brother at this point and drink some chocolate milk

Every other week, i think, we'd get our allowance and go to the same walmart on fridays to spend it

It was the most like a family sitch i think id ever had

I remember my first day of middle school, and listening to "makes me happy" by drake bell on the bus, even coming back to do homework and eat butterscotch chips for cookies

That being said after being there until middle school me and the other brother was taken by V to see his new house

I didnt want to go nor stay and i made that very clear. Something seemed,,off.

Then sure enough on the way there v told us he got back with the step mother we'll call the L (hehe)

And that they're now renting the house we're going to together

It was hell, i had to share a room with that step sister , it was back to rarely having enough to eat, virbal abuse, and general bullshit all the time

On top of that, because in oak ridge the age for middle school was one year below the requirement for this new town , i was sent back to an elementary school

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