#my mom is a teacher who works with inmates who want to get their high school degree and needs to get them to that level

[requiemforthestars]

People seem to be interpreting that the Caitvi scene was Vi's first time just because she was in prison. As if people don't have entire relationships while in prison.

[popculturebuffet]

Road to Reign Storm: Danny Phantom Triple Feature!: Public Enemies, Maternal Instinct and Life Lessons

Hello all you happy people and welcome back to my look at the plot relevant Danny Phantom episodes leading up to my all time faviorite episode reign storm!  For those just joining us, i’m Jake, I do deep dives into animation and comics, I love Danny Phantom, Butch Hartman can suck a railroad spike, let’s begin. 

Now those of you who’ve seen my other reviews may be asking “Wait why is he doing three at once” and the answer is simple: Schedule Slippage. I intended to review Public enemies right before my vacation but ran out of time, so I figured “Hey I could just slip a full length review into my already crammed for july schedule right? Just get it done it’ll be easy”

Yeah in hindsight that was a stupid move, I should’ve made room for it and didn’t, so I ended up doubling it up with Maternal Instincts for last week... only for THAT review to get pushed back because my review of the Boys Arc, We Gotta Go Now, took a lot more time and a lot more out of me than I expected. 

So rather than have these episodes keep slipping, i’m doing ALL three of these in one big post today, and then should be back on track for million dollar ghost next week, concluding with Fright Knight and Reign Storm in october. 

So with all that settled join me under the cut as Danny faces a well cordinated campaign of terror that changes his world forever, a creepy asshole luring him and his mom to the woods so he can try and make out with her and a cliched “raise the x thing like it was a baby” assignment that turns most dangerous game shockingly fast. 

Public Enemies: Starting us off we have one of the biggest wham episodes in the entire series, a true classic, an episode that shifts things forever and has a tense supsensful plot.. and it’s an episode I’m pretty sure I didn’t see till AFTER reign storm. 

Yeah younger me missed the subtext the ghost weren’t a public thing. And honestly.. I can’t blame kid me in the slightest. Just up to this episode we had a giant meat monster attack Casper High multiple times, a dragon attack the school dance, a giant techno monster attack the city, a flying car plow thorugh the city, a giant cat heaaded ghost starting a cult, a football player turning into a ghost mid-game in front of a large crowd, and a ghost dog attack at a basketball game. And that’s just the stuff that CAN’T be easily handwaved away like Ember. or that people saw. 

But as an adult.. I can get why: as Public Enemies showed shouting “Ghost” even for the most rational and backed up person can get you fired. So given teachers are already unfairly scrutnizied in their personal lives, it makes sense none would want to report on these and just rationalize it. In general adults just tend to rationalize, and most adults present at these attacks probbaly just wanted to forget this and move on. And finally while the teens saw plenty, and probably took it better... telling their parents would be a waste of time as they woudln’t belivie them, and it’s no big deal anyway given Danny’s around ot protect them. The show actually uses this cleverly: the teens are the first to accept danny because to them, he’s been protecting them this whole time and they were busy being possed when the frame up for this episode happen.

So skipping back a bit: this episode is set off by Walker, who wants revenge for the events of his previous episode. While he’s recaptured his inmates, with the help of his new sidekick hutner played by Darran Norris of Ned’s Declassified and Fairly Oddparents Fame. Yes Hunter. He also has  weird pirate/90′s viglante mashup gimmick I don’t understand and never will. Point is Walker is still angry at Danny but is aware given Danny’s nature.. he has to be a bit more strategic.

And this ep REALLY let’s walker show off how dangerous he is. While he was already shown to be brutally strong last time and have his own private security army to abuse inmates with, here we see he’s a master planner on par with Vlad: his plan here is almost perfect and more importantly, WORKS perfectly. 

He uses Wulf to get to the human world, then unleashes his own private army on the town, giving Danny a threat he can’t POSSIBLY contain and the town proof ghosts are real. This makes Danny’s life harder in a clever way: curfews, his parents stepping up as they’ve gone from town crackpots to the only ones in town who have any idea what ot do here, and escorts all ensue because city hall has no better ideas because it’s city hall. And Walker could see this coming, and cleverly not only attacks the meeting on it but uses this to posses danny’s classmates. 

Soon over several more attacks, our hero is not only worn down.. but walker gets more and more pawns, the popular kids, lancer, and uses them to join the ghostketeers, Jack’s after school program to train more ghost fighters that naturally ghot an all ghost possesed attendance because Jack’s understanding of the young people begins and ends with Meatballs. 

The only thing he looses control of is the episode’s best introduction with Wulf, an Esperanto speaking wolf, which naturally both native american codes the character and gives a creepy extra lair to Walker enslaving the poor guy. Walker uses him to get to the human world and controls him with a collar.. but not only does Walker not NEED wolf by the time Wulf breaks free, but said collar nearly kills the poor guy befor etucker frees him. 

More importantly Danny dosen’t figure anything out until he happens to go back to school and luck into a meeting with walker.. and then get beaten down because walker and his minions simply deposses and gang up on him then chase after Danny in human form... yes in POSSESED HUMAN FORM WHERE THEY COULD’VE EASILY BEEN CAUGHT. 

This makes Danny paranoid and leaves him vunerable in time for the killing stroke: possesing the mayor and attacking at a public meeting. 

While Walker dosen’t screw up.. Danny does in what I admit is the only really “what the hell” bit of writing in an otherwise tight and suspenseful episode: the possession attack at least was done in the narrow hours of the morning and forced Danny to hold back. This.. this just makes no sense: So danny ATTACKS HIS MOM THINKING SHE’S POSSESED. Why? because she attacked him.. for being a ghost. Aka something she does on a regular basis. And acting completely like herself. 

After that though we not only get an excellent scene of Danny tearing through the guards with his mom’s blaster, that allows him to teleport them directly, but we get an utterly awesome finale for Walker. Walker brings them out to the crowd and cries for help, after having already declared Danny public enemy #1, destroying his reputation. As Walker puts it..

“Feared on Earth and wanted in the Ghost Zone, you've lost ghost kid! LOOOOOST!“

In one episode Walker has outed ghosts, given Danny no safe harbor and destroyed an easy chance of telling his parents who he is as they now think his ghostly alter ego is pure evil. Walker gets sent home by Wulf in sacrifice.. but he WON and our hero ends the episode determined to keep going, but still having taken his biggest lost since Vlad. 

Final Thoughts:

This episode is decent. it has good pacing, even with it’s big what the fuck moment, nice tension and shakes up the status quo in an intresting way: Jack and Maddie, while still considered weirods are no longer disbelivied outcasts, our hero now has Spider-Man’s bad rep to go with the other peter parker similarites and for the first time a villian wholly and truly won. It’s a fine episode i’m ashamed took me this long to get used to

It’s only real flaw is one with the series: Walker and Wulf both get set up here.. and then disappear until the penultimate episode of the show to be clumisly wrapped up in an episode I haven’t seen but will when I cover it at some point.  This episode gives Walker an EASY place as one of Danny’s arch enemies, incresing hias motive, giving him gile and minons and all sorts of unique stuff.. and he just vanishes after. Wulf could’ve been a cool ally, someone Danny makes a point of trying to free and who gives him an equal to help with his ghost hunting. Instead both are just sadly wasted and it’s a real damn shame. And i’ts not even on Butch Hartman. While his episode with them is apparently weak, he at least BROUGHT THEM BACK. Steve Marmell had a full second season to bring them in and do a sequel to this episode and never did. He did enough OTHER AWESOME STUFF to be forgiven but it’s the one major plotline he just kind of dropped and never really explored. 

Thankfully though while he dropped Walker and Wulf... he was FAR better at not forgetting other intresting arch enemies for Danny. Speaking of which.. it’s been a long time since we’ve seen Vlad hasn’t it? Let’s fix that. 

Maternal Instincts:  I remembered this one being one of my favorites. This is  a combination of Vlad being my favorite animated villain period, even back then, and the fact the Vlad episodes are just really good. Any time he showed up in the first two seasons the quality shot up to it’s peak. Bitter Reunions, this episode, Million Dollar Ghost, Shades of Gray, Reign Storm, The Ultimate Enemy, Secret Weapons, Masters of All Time, and Kindred Spirits. All all time classics. I can’t say  one is that disliked or forgotten by the fandom, and many of them are my  favorite episodes. So this one being this good isn’t a huge upset and on rewatch.. yeah still utterly fanatastic. 

The setup alone is pretty great: We get a Maddie focused episode as we learn she and Danny USED to be close, not only adding a new dimension to her worry about him in previous episodes, but giving a good reason for a “parent tries to reconnect with kid episode”. which can vary. Some are great, Loo Loo Land from Helluva Boss and the Goofy Movie being good examples, some are please make it stop. This is one of the great ones as you GET where she’s coming from, and her vehicle for it, a weekend at a confrence in florida for mothers and sons, is understandable, the DALV confrence. Okay Vlad I get this is a fake name but come on man your a billionare. Hire someone to think up a better name. The fact Danny DIDN’T spot how supscious this was is a miracle in teenage surlyness.

Danny’s reasons for being resentful are also well set up: he’s been training, getting better at all his powers as we see in the fun opening scene, working on targeting with a bunch of cutouts (one of which is jazz which he zaps after he’s done for funsies. I’d ask WHY Jack has a jaz cutout for his shooting gallery.. but the fact both is kids lived to puberty with his aim and impulsvienss is a small miracle, so fair enough. ), possesing tucker, going invisible, and flying at 120 miles per hour at top speed. All good stuff. He can’t duplicate though, and Vlad is clearly the reason why a nice way to both reminder viewers who saw vlad’s episode he’s still a threat and hint at him for new viewers. 

SHOCKINGLY The DALV confrence goes bad from the plane as they instead barely get out over the colorado rockies after their pilot, a ghost mailman who delivered the letter earlier, bails out... not helped by Maddie wearing the Fenton Specter Deflector, a personal force sheild that zaps ghosts so Danny can’t make her and the plane intangible. 

But this episode is all about Maddie proving how badass she is so she gets them to safety by parachute. They soon find rather convient shelter.. in the form of Vlad’s mountain chalet. 

Vlad naturally pulls up and even has personalized gift baskets, barely hiding this is a setup. To his credit while creepy as hell, this was well planned. Easily the second most well planned rich stalking i’ve seen after that time a bearded creepy asshole abducted Mary Jane after her and Peter married before he gave their marriage to satan and then when she obvoiusly got free, tried to abudct her again to a shark island. Depsite a superhero stopping him last time. And the fact he’d be the most obvious suspect since peter KNOWS he’s the abductor this time. Okay maybe vlad is the better creepy asshole. 

But like any creepy asshole Vlad’s own worst enemy.. is himself. While chatting with Maddie he not only starts downtalking jack, blaming him for the possesion thing (and blasts danny a few times0 but then slips up and mentions one of his biggest reasons for resenting him is “stealing you”. We do get the funniest moment of the episode as a result though as maddie tries to get him to repeat it, which is not only a nice break in the “characer says something by accident and walks it back” trope, but is just great, as Maddie get sincreasingly fed up and Martin Mull’s dleviery of Vlad trying to play dumb is great

Vlad decides fuck it and outright tells Maddie to leave jack and live with her. Cut to Maddie leaving right away with her kid, Danny mocking him, and Vlad being VERY lucky she also didn’t kick him in the balls for it. As I said Vlad’s greatest weakness is himself. He’s so blinded by hate for Jack he can’t conceive anyone picking him WILLINGLY, convinced Jack tricked Maddie or if Vlad had been an option Maddie would’ve left Jack for Vlad eventually. He’s so consumed by his entitlement to Maddie he gave up happiness to stalk her, try and murder her husband and take what he feels entitled to. He’s so up his own ass.. he dosen’t REALLY know Maddie at all: He’s in love with a shadow, an image he brought up of her when the real thing is HAPPY with what she has and dosen’t want him and honestly probably never did. And it hurts to realize you’ve built up this elaborate fantasy for yourself and it’hurts to let go, i’ve been there. It sucks. Part of growing as a person is letting go.. but Vlad’s issue is he really CAN’T grow as a person. He’s never let go of Jack’s mistake and never WILL. Never will let go of maddie or what he COULD of had. Never let go of the past. And if you never let go of the past.. it will never let go of you. 

So Maddie tries to camp in the woods with Danny, who draws away from her because you know, forcefield, and tries to get some air.. only to get dragged off.. I don’t have a scren shot so her’es an artists interpretation

Naturally Vlad kidnapped him because he blames Danny for some reason and isn’t happy about the kid’s insolence. We also get to see Vlad’s inventive genius for the first time. Last time we saw him, the gadget that depowered Danny was all skulker> This time Vlad has whipped up a taser like device that shuts off Danny’s powers for three hours, which conviently for Vlad and for the narrative, is midnight. HIs minons for the episode are also animal ghosts he experimented on after hunting them. 

So we get a great line as Vlad gives Danny a head start before he runs from all creatures great and small “I”ll give you three minutes.. “ (Sicks them on danny as soon as the animals run) “Minutes seconds, guess i’m bad at math too” 

Thankfully for Danny the anmials soon get a hard lesson in why you shoudln’t fuck with Maddie Fenton’s kids, with Maddie easily taking down an ARMY of ghost animals. This is the first time since the last Vlad episode we’ve really seen Maddie in action and the first time she’s flown solo on screen.. and it is majestic. She easily beats them down and gets new respect from Danny in the process.

Things stilll aren’t GOOD though and Maddie comes to the hard conclusion. that they need to go BACK to vlad. She’s not any more happy about it than Danny.. but Vlad is the closest thing to civlization they have to rely on and he has to have a phone SOMEWHERE in his elaborate chalet sex trap. 

The tension is ratcheded up though as she puts the ecto belt shield thing on Danny... and they reach the cabin at 10 to midnight meaning Danny has ten minutes to not only find a way to get the thing off .. which he does about a minute after this dillema is brought up because we only have like 5 or 6 mintues of episode left and we gotta get to our climax.

Maddie reluctantly flirts their way and goes to find a phone.. or something to cave Vlad’s nuts in with, preferebly a meat hammer leaving Danny to stall. And it’s here once again Vlad’s own ego and lack of self reflectoin bite him on the ass. it takes Danny almost NO effort to convince vlad that coming back was Danny’s idea and that he wants Vlad to be new dad... then once again uses a hug as a weapon this time to slap the belt on Vlad. Once again Vlad looses the advnatage because while Vlad may be smarter, have more resources and more power than Danny.. but Danny’s simply better at noticing and exploting his foes flaws. Much like Spider-Man a lot of danny’s victories aren’t won with brute force but with strategy, planning and figuring out the flaw in his opponenet’s power set that he can exploit to shut them down. It’s things like this why I love superhero comics: a hero beating the villian not simply because their strong.. but because they outsmarted them. 

The show does avoid a common pitfall of super heroe stories in accidently making a villian far weaker in a later apperance: Vlad is weakened and thus Danny has a fair fight. .but Vlad is STILL able to resist something that clearly woudl’ve killed danny had it triggered on him and still fight decently against danny, the fight being very even and it being VERY clear that were Vlad at full strength there would be no fight. Danny still gets in a good hit but only because once again Vlad’s ego causes him to make an easy mistake and try duplicating.. which, much like Danny in the first scene only results in two heads and allows danny to use his newtop speed ot deck him

And even THEN Vlad , while exausted, isn’t down and once again only looses.. because of his hubris, deciding to call in the animals.. only for Danny to point out HE’S not the one who mounted them on walls or experimented on htem. And while vlad could fight them off normally... Danny uses the taser on him, meaning Vlad is powerless and gets his own headstart “Minutes seconds, you know how bad I am at math”. 

So with that Vlad’s conviently gone and Maddie coudln’t find a phone.. but realizes they can just steal vlad’s chopper and mother and son finally reconnect. 

Also there was a subplot the whole time about Jazz and Jack. I didn’t mention it because I didn’t have much to say but I do like it a lot as it’s Jack at his peak. He’s hilarous, showing of fhis custom made action figures (which if I could make my own action figures I would and you would too we all would) , giving out the iconic line of “she’s a minor” when he thinks a ghost at the door is Jazz’ date, and having prepared a suit for jazz... that’s him sized as he thought she’d share his end of the gene pool “The one with a love for choclate and fried cheese”. Can relate. It’s a great plot that both shows off Jack’s competence, as even without maddie and being assaulted by ghosts that of COURSE vlad sent to kill him while maddie was gone, he easily bests them, and shows Jazz ghost hunting. isn’t as stupid as she thought and she has more of it in her than she’d care to admit. 

Final Thoughts:

This ep held up incredibly well and is still one of my faviorites. It’s well paced, gives both maddie and jack time to shine, brings back the series best villian, and forces our hero to go without his powers for the whole run time, relying on the mom he undereistmated and the wits vlad undereistmaated to surivive. A true classic. 

Life Lessons:

ARE YOU READY FOR A STOCK PLOTTTTTTTTTTT?!?!?!?!?!

Well this one centers around a classic as Val returns.. and she and Danny are paired together for one of those “Take care of this thing like it’ syour child” episodes, usually a sack of flower or an egg or a framed photo of micheal gross from family ties. You know the important things. Granted by the time I went to high school they’d upgraded to hi tech babies, but the flour sacks do have some of the same features of those babies.... how?

Point is you know the drill: either two characters are put on a project for ship tease purposes, or because they can’t stands each other. And since the ship tease for Val and Danny won’t happen till Reign Storm, that means we’re doing the latter: Danny is mad Val is her usualy standoffish self and dumpnig all the responsibility on him to seemingly go ghost hunting, Val is mad because it’s tuesday I guess. 

Sam and Tucker meanwhile are paired with each other for a comedy b-plot I don’t have the time or energy to cover in full but isn’t bad at all: Tucker gets really overly invested in his flour baby, Sam tries to fight the urge but ends up getting just as invested, after helping Danny Tucker starts his own babysitting service, and his mom ends up baking all the classes flour sacks EXCEPT Sam’s, since she took care of the sack herself and of course our leads for the episode since they have a whole other thing going. 

But while this plot does follow the familiar beats, our heroes misunderstand each other for reasons, they fight, they argue over custody, one finds out the other’s life is way harder than it seems, etc etc, it spices it up simply by virute of being a superhero plot. As such this is probably the only episode in all of media that mixes “life science keep this thing from being destroyed” plot with “egomaniacal hunter wants to most dangerous game our heroes plot. 

Yes folks Skulker is back!

He’s changed a bit, not in apperance or mo or anything, he’s still kraven the hunter if he were actually slimer in a ghost rider themed mech suit, but in voice actor.  Matthew St Patrick voiced Skulker in his previous apperances, 2 of which i’ve covered,. For whatever reason St. Patrick left the show, leaving it to voice acting legend Kevin Micheal Richardson. And honestly I prefer Richardson’s Skulker: While st. patrick’s more subdued performance wasn’t bad, Richardson’s slightly more hammy, while still calculated, performance fits the character better.  He’s not overly hammy, but he has just enough to give the character more energy and personality and take a good villian and make him a great villian. 

As for what he’s up to this time, again same as it ever was: Skulker want’s to hunt danny.. but upon seeing him and Val face off in the openiing can’t decidie which one to hunt so he decides to keep pitting them against each other.  He starts at Nasty Burger where as we’ll later learn, and is kinda telegraphed honestly< Val is working as the oft abused mascot and danny is trying to care for the baby, then when Danny drops off said baby, Skulker notices it’s important to both and frames Danny for taking it after stealing the thing himself. This also leads to the great exchange of Danny: What are you doing? Skulker: (Casually) Framing you (Tosses flower baby to him) 

Can you see why I prefer Richardson? This causes a fight that highlights something important: Danny TRIES to deseclate things with Valarie. He does genuinely try talking to her. It only doesn’t work because Val is too angry about her origin story to actually consider Danny didn’t ruin her life on accident, and the fact Danny was publicly framed by Walker makes it all too easy to just go with her kneejerk assumption he’s evil. It’s easier to paint Danny as some 2 dimensioanl cretien than face the truth that her life changed.. over an accident. Nothing more. 

She does at least stop for a second as he sets the flour baby down and Skulker gets tired of waiting and just decides to most dangerous game them both, taking them to happy funtime island in the ghost zone. It’s also the first time we see his domain, which is pretty damn cool. 

Naturally he chains our heroes together, with the chain depowering danny and val rendered weaponless, the two forced to rely on each other and work together and you get the gist. Val still has her glider since Skulker didn’t think to check her boots, and Danny is useful since he knows the ghost zone. I also like that Val, despite being used to ghosts.. still reasonably freaks out when ending up in the ghost zone.. which makes sense. it’s one thing to fight ghosts, their dead creature.. it’s another to wake up in another dimension that’s VERY otherworldly and unsettling. Weirdly though they never think to use the “humans are ghosts in the ghost zone thing” but they kinda soft retconned that out as it made things too easy despite the fact it would’ve been fun to play with. 

We also get a heart to heart as Danny finds out abotu the job and realizes he was a douche.. and really he was anyway because while her trying to kill him ins’t TECHNICALLY a job she’s not doing it 100% out of a grudge and as seen at the end of the episode does hunt ghosts who AREN’T danny. She’s doing the exact same job he is with the same stresses, on top of not having what seem to be fairly well off parents to pay for college. 

This gets the two to work together, and we get an awesome sequence of them taking out skulker, gettin gfree and working together. In the end Val let’s her shields down enough to trust danny and let him fly them home after Danny beats Skulker with is own trap, and Danny and Val have another heart to heart in his civilian form, with a really sweet ending of Danny taking over the costume to give her a day off... chasing the box ghost. Which let’s face it for a young viglante is a day off. 

Final Thoughts:

This is a solid ep that I honestly liked better on rewatch. While it does lay the “THERE MUST BE SOME MISUNDERSTANDINGGGGGG” bit of the genre on a tad thick and it’s fairly obvious to the audience valarie has a non-ghost hunting job. It’s a tad annoying..but when you think about it more it’s also brilliant, accidentally or not. Danny dosen’t think Val has an actual job.. because he’s never needed one. Oh sure ghost fighting is one, for both of them, as well as a calling and all that. But when you look at the Fenton Finances.. their not doing so bad. There’s never any episodes about them struggling for money, and clearly one of the Fenton parents had a rich parent or uncle who died, because they have a nearly bottomless rnd budget. Granted they also could’ve simply pulled a reed richards and made say an mp3 player so efficent it’d destroy the market so their paid NOT to release it that happens to be able to fight ghosts because of course it does, but my point is the Fentons are pretty well off.  Danny really only has to scramble for money to events because his parents don’t spoil him.. and because his dad sinks most of their money into neat gadgets, but given those gadgets tend to save Danny’s life, it’s a fair trade.

They simply aren’t as visably rich as some other character because his parents would rather use the wealth to try and help the world and continue their life’s work, so the money goes into that instead of butler’s and shit. The kids aren’t living ritzily but they aren’t starving or struggling or even have to buy the offbrand chips that make jack loagie. They have a pretty cushy uper middle class life. 

IN contrast Val had an even cushier life.. but lost it and is now scraping by, having to work two jobs to get to college and get her revenge, and one of those jobs is utterly humiliating. Surprisingly not the revenge one. Danny dosen’t get Val’s situation until it hits him like a brick when he sees the mascot outfit and realizes just how privileged he is in comparison. I didn’t expect a Danny Phantom episode to subtly tackle class disparity but it’s also tackled police brutality too, with Public enemies showing what happens when someone goes from enforcing the law to enforcing their will on someone because they have power. It’s a surprisingly woke show for a show whose creator banned gay fanfiction from his chat rooms. Yup butch did that. 

Next Time: Another favorite of mine! Vlad puts a price on Danny’s head but the wrong little shark baby ends up dead. I might have the wrong story. 

If you enjoyed this review follow me for more, reblog it, and if you want to help me keep on making these, head over to my patreon: for one buck a month you get exclusive reviews, votes on polls once I get at least one more patron, and TWO REVIEWS ON SIGNUP IF YOU SIGN UP BEFORE THE END OF AUGUST. Yes as part of my increasingly failing membership drive, you get two reviews, and to up the ante if just ONE PERSON joins before the end of the month in addition to the previously stated goals of reviewing Quack Pack, Tuca and Bertie, and the first season of Amphibia i’m adding a bunch of crunch of bonuses to my stretch goals: If I get at least ONE new patron, at at least one dollar a month, I will review the this duckburg life podcast,  Hazbin Hotel’s pilot and Danny Phantom the ultimate enemy in october and november respectively. If I get TWO new patrons in addition to the rise of the tmnt and brian lee o’malley comics I will review the upcoming disaster in the making Q-Force. 

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[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #462

i am way too tired to mentally flip through lyrics to put here, rip

Who in your family has been married the longest? (and how long?) I have zero idea. When did you last travel alone? Where were you going? The last time I visited Sara in Illinois. Do you take your shoes off when you come inside? Yes. What was the first color you ever dyed your hair? I think I got purple highlights? What was the first social media site you ever used? MySpace. Do you have any exes you really regret dating? One. Of all your friends & family, who has the most nicely-decorated home? Sara's house is lovely. Have you ever been catcalled? No. Are you allergic to any dogs? I might be. Have you ever touched a plant and had hives shoot up your arm? No. Do you think dragonflies are cool? Absolutely! What’s your favorite thing to draw? Meerkats!! Did you toss your hat in the air at graduation? Not high. I wanted to keep it. Do you like fudge? I CAN FUCKING DESTROY SOME FUDGE. Are you an affectionate person? Very. Name something you have to do today: Girt and I are hangin', making fun of bad Netflix anime and going to Buffalo Wild Wings. :^) Would you ever write to a death row inmate? No. People don't get on death row for no reason. I ain't got shit to say to them. Do you reckon online friendships are real? No fucking shit. Most of my most genuine friendships began online. Do you like Slipknot? Yep. Can we talk about how fuckin BADASS Corey's new mask is btw?????????? What do you think of Gorillaz? I like "Feel Good Inc." and one other song I can't remember the name of. Bow ties on guys, dorky or adorable? BOTH!!!!! :') What is the cutest Halloween costume for a baby to wear? GUYS I recently saw a picture of a little baby dressed up as a Little Oogie Boogie and it made my ovaries cry. Which of your friends is the tallest? Which of them is the shortest? Jesus, Girt is a giant. I don't know about my shortest... If you could re-paint your bedroom, what color would you choose? Pastel pink. :') What has been the best night of your life so far? Why? Probably something sexual so let's keep it on the down low lmfaooo Would you ever even think about taking part in a wet t-shirt contest? Uh, no. Even if I WAS confident in my body. Is you hair color the same as it was when you were a baby? No. It was dirty blonde. Have you ever been in trouble for being too loud? Ha, yeah, at school with friends. Not big trouble or anything, we were just hushed. Did you ever attend a wedding that was a complete disaster? No. What is something that you were surprised you were able to do? Hm. What is the most bullshit-sounding true fact that you know? Male cats have spiked penises lkasdjfal;kje;kjwr it's something to do with preventing other tomcats from mating with her. What Oreo flavor is your favorite? Gimme that Double Stuffed, friend. Sour gummy worms or plain gummy worms? SOUR. Ever been in a talent show? How many times? What did you do? Nope. Ever try out for the talent show and not make it? Did you cry? Nope. What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever cried about? Y'all when I was a very little kid, during my older sister's b-day party, I sobbed because I couldn't pin the tail properly on the donkey lmaoooo How do you feel about the use of nuclear weapons? Absolutely fucking barbaric. What song has the most meaning to you? "Life Won't Wait" by Ozzy Osbourne. What is your favourite dinosaur? Spinosaurus!!!! :') Have you ever made bread? No. Has anything ever fallen asleep on you? Pets, a baby I was watching after, and Jason. Ever been dominated in a game you were/are really good at? yep alskdjfla;jwej Have you ever decided to set fire to something out of anger? No. Would you rather be a house pet or a wild animal? Wild animal, I guess? Have you ever listened to a group of chanting monks? I haven't. If you had to get a portrait tattoo, who would it be of? Probably of Teddy. I've still yet to decide on the total design of his tribute tat I'm getting. Do you like the smell of men’s colognes better than woman’s perfumes? I think so, yeah. How mad would you be if someone copied your original work (story, poem)? I'd be pretty fuckin pissed. Have you ever blown something up in science class? Ha, no. Have you ever gotten a serious wound from shaving? Not serious, no. Have you invented anything, only to find out it actually exists? I feel like I have? Ever realize you never truly LOVED your first love? Absolutely not. I loved him. Would you want a Bachelor/Bachelorette party before you get married? Sure, sounds fun. Do you prefer pads, tampons or something else? As of very recently, I returned to using pads. I used tampons for most of my maturity, but I got annoyed with them for TMI reasons and resorted back to pads, even though I don't like them either. Have you ever dated a model? No. What is your ultimate goal in life? To die happy with my life and what I (hopefully) accomplished. What colour are the socks you’re wearing today? I’m not wearing any. Who was the last person you sent a Facebook message to and what did you say? Girt. It was something regarding how I once considered doing the suicide mission at BWW where you eat a select number of their hottest wings, but I didn't wanna die via chicken. :^) Are you tall, short or average? Would you change this? I'm average in height. I wouldn't change it, nah. Especially now that Girt and I are together the ridiculous height difference is hilarious but also cute lmao. Have you ever worked in a store while someone shoplifted there? Like, while I was there? No. Have you ever had casual sex? Nahhhh. What’s your favourite flavour of frosting? Chocolate. @_@ When you think of your childhood, are the memories mostly happy or sad? Mostly happy, I guess. What is it like being you? Is it enjoyable? It's very boring with few sources of joy. What are your thoughts on the cause of homosexuality? I would *assume* it's a genetic mutation. Reason being, having a romantic partnership without the ability to reproduce defies the motives of science. There is nothing, absolutely NOTHING, wrong with said (and hypothetical) genetic mutation, though. Mutations are just another part of science. They occur naturally. What subjects did you find most interesting in school? Least? Most interesting: literature/English (especially reading like, old mythology and epics and stuff like that), LOTS of branches of science (but primarily genetics), art, and I looooved my four semesters of German. Least: ANY and ALL math, history, economics, social studies... that kind of stuff. Which do you enjoy more–hot or cold beverages? Cold, for sure. What were some of your favorite bands from childhood? Green Day was one. Would you be more afraid of drowning or being buried alive? Buried alive, for sure. It would be much, much slower. Should you really be doing something more productive right now? Well, I SHOULD be sleeping. Today's going to be a long day, because when Girt comes over, he has a tendency to not leave until like fuckin midnight or later alksdjfl;waje Have you ever lived out of your car? No. Does your family own more than two houses? HUNNY we r poor. A relative just committed a very serious crime, do you turn them in? It depends on the exact crime, but odds are, yes. If you're endangering others, byyyyeeee. You’re in the woods, alone, at night…are you honestly not afraid? Bitch I'm terrified. I have zero survival skills. You are on life support, what would you want a loved one to do about it? For the love of god, please kill me. Your child has only a while to live, do you still enroll them in school? That would be up to them. Also, define "a while." How would you feel if you met your idol and they ended up being rude? WELP I have a tattoo in his honor so that would suck ass lmao According to the tale, was Eve wrong for eating and sharing the apple? "God was wrong for even setting up an apple tree and making up rules in the first place." <<<< There ya go. And the punishment was fucking ludicrously extreme. Are you working on any goals? Yes. I'm currently going to the gym regularly to try and better my physical health and then find a job. I know that being connected sounds odd, but trust me: I can barely carry out very simple tasks just because I have absolutely ZERO stamina to do almost anything. I need energy and endurance. I'm also working towards developing some self-love. Which parent named you? I wanna say my mom. Are you currently frustrated with someone? I mean, myself. Aforementioned self-love is hard. I'm just annoyed my head is so reluctant to accept that I'm not a piece of shit for a million reasons. Why have most of your past relationships ended? They all ended for different reasons, really. Are you having any online conversations, currently? I'm not. What’s on your mind? I'm just tired and going back to bed real soon. Have you ever had an argument with a teacher? No.

[cagestark]

Masterlist

A (probably incomplete) list of my current works. While Peter is 18+ in all of these fics, other warnings vary. Please check the tags of a fic before proceeding. I also have a ko-fi where you can help a young stay at home mom (that’s me) feed her precious angel baby (that’s my daughter) by donating spare change. 

Starker Works: 

Indecent: (M) Tony gives Peter his first ride on a motorcycle. 

Poor Excuses for Gods: (E)  Hades!Tony is dying. Dionysus!Peter is a nice distraction.

Settling: (E) Peter wants to be taller than Tony. High heels help. 

Together: (G) Peter spoils Tony. 

In the Morning: (M)  Tony gets sad and jealous over how much time Peter is spending with Bruce. 

Powerful: (E) Tony seeks vengeance against Peter’s abusive ex.

Boiling Point: (E) Alpha!Peter is trying to seduce Omega!Tony but the man doesn’t even know it. 

In Pursuit of Fool’s Gold: (T) Prince!Tony falls in love with Servant!Peter. 

Breaking Character: (E) Tony and Peter are spies trying to take down a human trafficking ring. 

Tamed: (E) Tony Stark is a bad boy, the opposite of everything Peter is. And exactly what he wants. 

- Play: (G) From the Tamed-verse. Tony first sets his sights on Peter who is performing in the school play. 

Lifesavers: (T) Paparazzo Quentin Beck has pictures of Tony cheating on Peter.

Bringing Balance: (E) Tony is going into heat for the first time since Peter moved into the tower. Good thing the boy is a beta (only he’s not). 

Waiting Game: (E) Tony and Peter married out of high school and quickly divorced. They’re brought back together at their 20 year high school reunion.

Boredom: (E) Peter gives Tony a handjob during an Avengers meeting. 

The Third Idea: (E) Tony and Peter experiment with edging and orgasm denial.

Rose-Tints My World: (T) Peter fakes an orgasm on stage at a Rocky Horror Picture Show live screening. 

Permission: (E) Peter feels better when he cums with permission. Tony offers to be the one to give it. 

Playing Pretend: (M) Tony sees through Peter’s ‘good boy’ act. 

Defender: (E) Tony picks up a stray who sees the good in him. 

Proxy: (E) Peter asks if Tony knows anybody who will take his virginity. Tony knows...at least one person. 

Better Late Than Never: (E) Tony is a famous writer and Peter wins a meet and greet with him. 

Stopover: (E) Ex-hitman Tony meets barista!Peter at a cafe in a small town. 

Rebreak: (M) Tony falls prey to his addiction again. 

Playing for Keeps: (E) Homeless Peter saves Mafia Boss Tony’s life. Now repayment needs discussed. 

Better Late Than Never: (E) Peter wins a meet and greet with his favorite famous author, Tony Stark. But Tony is a mess. 

Such is Youth: (E) Peter gets high and blows Tony while the older man is driving.

Drabbles--Multiship:

Hands: (E) Peter can’t keep Tony’s hands off of him. 

Princess: (T) Mafia Boss!Tony left his Princess!Peter home alone all day. 

Fire: (G) Firefighter!Tony has to rescue teacher!Peter when the elementary school is on fire. 

Tip: (E) Silver fox!Tony runs a mechanic shop. He does some work for biker!bucky and Peter. 

Bath: (G) After Peter is hurt on a mission, Tony cares for him. 

Costume: (M) Peter and Tony meet at a comic con, and they flirt in-character.

Devotee: (E) Peter (with “help” from “friends”) tries to summon sex-god Tony.

Worth: (G) Post-endgame, established Starker reminds Bucky that he is worth sticking around for. 

Winter: (G) Tony and Peter’s first date is spent getting hot chocolate in the winter time.

Three: (G) Tony and Bucky find their second soulmate in barista Peter Parker. 

Gala: (G) The first time Tony takes his much younger boyfriend to a gala. 

Elevator: (E) Bucky and Peter try sex in an elevator and are interrupted by Tony.

Untouched: (E) Bucky and Tony conspire to make their lover Peter cum untouched. 

Arm: (E) The first time Bucky lets Tony touch his arm. 

Soulmate: (G) Tony and Peter find out that Bucky is their soulmate. 

Labwork: (T) An insecure Bucky spends time in the lab with flirtatious Tony and Peter. 

Care: (G) Peter and Bucky take care of Tony after he spends too much time in the lab.

Fae: (G) Tony unwittingly walks into a fairy’s ring and meets fae!Peter.

Tattoo: (M) Masochist Peter gets his first tattoo. 

Planner: (G) Wedding Planner!Peter and groom!Tony fall in love.

Burn: (M) Peter and Tony discover just how little Bucky cares about himself.

Poison: (T) Servant!Peter needs to testing King!Tony’s food for poison. 

Puppy: (M) Peter and Tony experiment with puppy!play.

Prom: (G) Popular!Peter asks Nerd!Tony to the prom. 

Assistance: (M) When Peter is the only one Bucky will allow to touch the arm, maintenance gets tricky (and arousing). 

Delivery: (E) Deliver guy!Bucky walks in on an intimate moment between Peter and Tony. 

Monitor: (G) Peter panics the first time his adopted daughter (with Tony) sleeps peacefully. 

Problem: (M) Tony has a sex problem with Peter. One only Bucky can solve. 

Strip: (M) While at a strip club after busting some Mafia baddies, Tony sees Peter’s moves. 

Deepthroat: (E) Tony teaching Peter how to deepthroat cock. 

Check Yes: (G) Morgan brings home a Valentine for Tony from a classmate’s father. 

Self Care: (E) Peter and Bucky try to convince Tony to leave his work and partake in self care. 

Tattoo: (M) Bucky notices that Tony has a tattoo. 

Collaborate: (T) Bucky and Peter put aside their differences and decide to collaborate on wooing Tony. 

Velvet Box: (G) Tony proposes to Peter, but Peter says no. 

Mistaken: (G) Tony asks Peter to make things official. Peter thought they already were. 

Convince: (E) Bucky tries to convince Tony that them having sex would be worth it. 

Fair: (E) Tony walks in on Bucky and Peter, and then joins them. 

Tattoo II: (M) Tony spots Peter’s new tattoo. 

Hex Party: (M) Bucky tries to make new Wiccan friends on campus. Peter and Tony make a mistake. 

Repay: (M) Peter patrols with a plug in. Tony has the remote. 

Countdown: (T) Peter begs Mr. Stark to be his New Year’s Kiss. 

Warm: (E) Tony comes home to find Peter keeping Bucky’s cock warm. 

Practice: (M) Peter convinces Tony to help him practice kissing before he has to do it onstage. 

Leaked: (M) Tony,  Peter, and Bucky’s sex tape is leaked to the public. 

Compete: (E) Tony and Bucky have a friendly competition for Peter’s pleasure.

Home: (G) Flash is convinced Peter is lying about living with Tony Stark. 

Reveal: (G) Tony and Peter reveal their relationship to Aunt May. 

Disorder: (G) Tony finds out that Peter has an eating disorder and vows to help him any way he can. 

Time: (G) After Peter lives a long and happy life, he’s reunited with Tony in a place where they have all the time in the world. 

WinterIronSpider Works: 

Caught in a Spider’s Web: (E) Prison!Inmates Bucky and Tony seduce the new young guard. 

Helping Hands: (E) Bucky finds a poor college student and brings him home.

Don’t You (Forget About Me): (M) MIT college student Tony agrees to let his roommate’s boyfriend pick their Halloween costumes. 

A Hole in the Head: (E) Bucky is the assassin hired by mob boss Tony to protect bratty Peter.

Tony Stark/Original Characters Works:

Gratitude: (E) Tony helps rescue a tiger and is thanked by a zookeeper. 

Original Works: 

Bottled Up: You sell drugs. I mean, emotions. 

Escape: Your deadbeat dad wants help with one last thing--escaping death.

[convivialcamera]

On Deadline: Get Reaction

Previously

Dougal and Jamie loomed before me on an unusually slow Wednesday morning, newspapers and notebooks in hand.

“Did you see this?” Dougal demanded, plonking yesterday’s local section down on my desk. A brief was circled in blue ballpoint: Leoch inmate found hanged in cell. I hadn’t seen it, but it was never a good idea to admit I wasn’t reading the paper cover-to-cover every day. “We’ve been following this case for a year and the kid just up and…” He made a futile gesture with his hands. “Go with Jamie and talk to MacGregor’s mother.”

I was reading the brief as he spoke. “It’s a suicide. Shouldn’t we be hounding the coroner, not his mom?” Jamie made a face at me that clearly stated, “That’s what I said!”

Dougal had already fended off this argument: “We’re doing both. Obviously we need to be sensitive to the family.” He said this offhandedly, as a matter of form. “But don’t come back until you get reaction and art.” And then he spun on his heel and stalked back to his office.

I was carefully considering my gear. Huge cameras and lenses tended to spook people in sensitive situations, so I reached for two pancake lenses, and then popped them into my smaller bag. I could tell Jamie was watching me as I gathered my things and slipped into my jacket.

“Can you drive?”

“I drove last time,” I said, but reached for my keys. “It’s your turn.”

“It’s not that I wouldn’t,” he said quickly, “but I can’t. I only have the one helmet and…”

“Oh! So, the motorcycle in the parking lot is yours?” He nodded, a bit sheepishly, but then smiled so radiently it was like the sun came out. “I’ll take you out on it sometime.”

It was tempting to smile back, but I slung my bag over my shoulder and headed towards the back door (I’d discovered a new shortcut to the parking lot). “You should take Laoghaire,” I said with more edge than I meant, and cringed to myself. 

“Nah, but maybe your husband wants to try it out?”

I deserved that, I was sure.

Alexander MacGregor’s mother lived in Cranesmuir, one of Leoch’s shabbier neighborhoods. Run-down duplexes — some with pit bulls perched on the roof — lined the ill-maintained road, and as I pulled onto High Street I felt a stab of pity for the young man who had felt so much despair. “You should go in alone,” I said, quietly. “Two of us might be intimidating.”

Jamie thought about this a moment. “No, I think I need you in there. You’re way less intimidating than me.” He was a towering giant made of lean muscle, and if his mop of red curls was charming, the sharp bones of his face and slant of his eyes were those of a fierce ancient warrior. “Just hide your camera until she’s accustomed to us. And maybe do the introductions?”

Alice MacGregor was a slip of a woman, with thin brown hair and deep-sunk, grief-filled eyes. She answered the door after my soft knock, and eyed us with suspicion from behind the lock chain. “Who are you?”

I took a deep breath, steading myself. “I’m Claire, and this is Jamie. We’re with the Leoch Times and we’d like to speak with you about your son, Alexander.”

The woman’s whole body tensed, as if drawing herself up to do battle. “You people! He just died!” She inhaled, preparing for an onslaught. Alice’s grief and rage radiated so potently that it made me want to weep alongside her.

I looked her straight in the eye. “Please, we just want to know about Alex from the people who loved him.” Alice examined me speculatively, and read the truth on my face. She deflated, like a balloon pricked by a needle, and opened the door wide. Jamie patted my shoulder in approval and followed her inside the small, dark living room. She sat in a chair, and Jamie on the end of a worn couch. I sat gingerly on the other end, my bag at my feet.

Jamie, with a look of tender concern, explained the preliminaries: he was a reporter, and anything she said could end up in the newspaper. If she wanted to go off-the-record for any information they needed to agree beforehand. It was a fine bit of interview prep, and I warmed to how kindly he spoke with her. He had nice feelings.

“Tell me what your son was like in school,” Jamie began.

Alice’s face lit up in memory, and then almost crumbled. “He was funny, his teachers loved him. Not so good as some kids, you know, but good. For here.” It was obvious she meant Cranesmuir, which had a reputation for poor schools and even poorer students. “He was on the track team. He loved to run.”

“What did he do after high school?”

“He tried a few classes at Leoch Community, but it was tough. We couldn’t scrape together the money, and he had to work. The jobs weren’t enough, but he always helped me out when he could. Helped me keep this place.”

And on it went. Alex was smart, and had kept trying to get back into college, or get better jobs and work his way up, but nothing panned out. Sometimes it was a racist boss, or a car that just couldn’t get him to work on time. And so, like so many young men from the neighborhood, he floundered, and then…

“I couldn’t believe it when he was arrested,” Alice said emphatically. “Alex, my Alexander, had never been in trouble.”

At this, Jamie’s face revealed a small bit of skepticism. “Never?”

“Oh, it was kid’s stuff.” Alice waved her hand, dismissing. “He spray painted a brick wall and got caught when he was 16. He got community service, and I made him go; he did all of it. And I made him swear that he’d never do anything like it again. Alex didn’t lie.” She was on the verge of tears again.

“Did you visit him in jail?”

Alice’s face darkened. “That place is a dungeon. Everyone knows the police don’t treat people correctly.”

“What did he tell you?”

“He didn’t tell me anything. But he’d be roughed up. Bruises, cuts. One time I saw a circular burn on his upper arm.”

“You don’t think it was the other prisoners?”

“No.” She looked at him, hard in the eye. “Can I tell you something without it going in the paper?”

“Off the record?” Jamie asked. She nodded. “OK.”

“Captain Jack Randall. From the fort.”

“What about him?”

“He visited Alex in prison.”

“And?”

“I think he was beating up my boy.”

I watched Jamie’s brain whirl through a slew of possibilities, but then he closed off the line of questioning. “Can we go back on the record now?”

At the end, I pulled out my camera. “Alice, do you have any photos of Alex? I’d like to take your picture with one.” I knew it was a little cliché, but I also knew I could get some lovely morning light out of the lone front window. Alice produced an old school photo of her son, posed in front of the cloudy gray backdrop that was so common to picture day, and framed in a cheap black plastic frame. Alex had been gawky, but smiled with an extraordinary kindness that belied his end.

I pulled out my 50-millimeter lens and opened the aperture wide while speeding up my shutter in the hopes of capturing the ephemeral rays of light speckled with dust in my frame. I pulled the cheap armchair from the corner next to the window, so when I sat Alice down the light illuminated the side of her face, as well as the portrait of her son she held cradled in her arms.

Jamie watched me intently as I drove us away; I could almost feel his gaze cutting into me while he sat in the passenger seat. I kept my eyes resolutely on the road, silently willing my cheeks to stop blazing.

Finally, frustrated by my failure, I snapped: “What?”

“How is your husband not your husband?” Jamie asked.

“How are you ‘not exactly’ on the board?” I shot back, pulling one of my hands off the wheel to make sarcastic air quotes.

He chuckled. “Oh. I just observe at board meetings. I can’t talk. I can’t vote. I can just listen. It’s part of the agreement my uncles made with my dad when my mom died — she was their sister, you know?”

“Part of the family business?”

“Yep, Dougal’s girls and Colum’s son are all too young, and my sister isn’t interested at all, so I’m the one they’re training up to take over when the time comes.”

“Ah.” I said, noncommittally. Jamie fell silent, clearly waiting for me answer his own question.

I drew in a deep breath, trying to find the courage to talk about it. “I left him months ago, after an assignment went south.”

“You’re not divorced?”

“We’re not anything. It’s been over a long time.” Jamie huffed a bit at this, in disbelief. “The rest is just, you know, legalities,” I said defensively.

“Legalities?” He sounded incredulous.

“It’s all lawyers and stuff, OK? I left Frank after Libya, haven’t talked to him since, and now I’m here, and that’s that.”

“Sounds like you owe him an explanation.”

“Well, it also sounds like the future owner of the newspaper shouldn’t be making out with interns in bars, but what would I know?”

That shut him up.

The story ran on the local front, C1, with my portrait of Alice MacGregor and her grief-stricken eyes surrounded by shining rays of light at three-and-a-half columns. Jamie stood next to me at the morning meeting, the day’s section fronts tacked up on the wall, and nudged my shoulder.

“Alice might have been right about the captain,” he said softly to me, as we waited for everyone to gather.

“Oh?”

“Got a hold of the visitor logs. One Jonathan Randall visited MacGregor about ten or so times while he was in jail. And here’s the kicker: Randall’s the one Alex stole from.”

“What?” I said, louder than I intended. A few people turned to look at me strangely. Jamie smiled politely, and faces turned away.

“Right? There’s more to this story than what we’ve got.”

[shaykeijser]

riverdale 2x16

 here are my thoughts/reactions to this weeks episode that no one asked for, which will include spoilers (obviously) so i’m putting them under the cut. i’ve already watched the episode so these aren’t my first reactions technically but they’ll be the same. 

caution: i’m not a fan of jughead or the core four. so i’ll be poking fun/getting annoyed at them.

- why did betty not go straight to alice with the dna test? why would she give chic, who she thinks is capable of hurting her, the opportunity to last out at her? i also still don’t get why she didn’t just get a normal dna test. like you’re a journalist, get the full truth, not just some of it

- i fucking called it!! why do ya think hal wanted nothing to do with chic? remember when he said “you’re letting this stranger into our house”? he wouldn’t call his own son a stranger

- fp is the dad and that’s the facts (that wouldn’t make bughead wrong don’t even try to defend that)

- chic is such a good creep IM LIVING FOR IT

- if it wasn’t a for-profit prison it wouldn’t be the worst idea. but it is so :///

- southside high was falling apart at the seems. the old students were aware of that and were plenty happy to go away! yes the lodge’s had other intentions with shutting down the school, but overall it was a good thing. there’s other, more valid reasons to not like the prisons that aren’t being talked about!!

- lol we know that veronica running for stuco wouldn’t end up well

- fred getting more screen time <333 (even if i don’t totally agree with him)

- does everybody at this school watch the same tv shows how is jughead quoting scandal (which i had to google) universally understood? i’m actually a sophomore and my friends and i quote vines.

- why isn’t ronnie defending herself? she gave that look to archie so he could defend her. where did kick ass veronica i don’t take no shit’ lodge go??

- ‘hunger strike for southside high’ BOI 

- ‘for it to re-open’ i had to pause this when i first watched this scene. he went there for like 2 weeks. toni was his only true friend for the majority of it. he didn’t like the idea of it and didn’t like what he had to do to survive there. the other students were happy with it closing!! why you gotta be so extra?? and if he really wants to get out of riverdale to be a writer he shouldn’t be trying to go back to a school that had teachers who gave up hope on their students

- ew ethel (i was eh with her all together but i’m still >:( over how she got mad at veronica for what hiram did to her father. veronica was one of the only people who was comforting her and tried to make amends. we can’t forget that when that all was going down veronica didn’t like her dad)

- WHY ARE KEVIN AND JOSIE SITTING ALONE

- wait jk i remembered 

- HAHAHA ok i’m josie (don’t get me wrong i like veronica and is the only tolerable lead for me atm but that slushie thing is really funny. it was sorta uncalled for, but she is working with her father soz)

- props to veronica for being the bigger person in this scenario

- 'what are the odds your father’s gonna be the first inmate in that prison?’ #boomroasted #thatwasatheofficereference #didanyonegetit

- lol at least veronica kept her cool for a little bit (go her btw)

- MY POOR CHERYL NO

- mama blossom is shady and nana rose is sassy

- that tea’s gonna be poison i’m calling it

- why would ethel’s dad want a job at the prison? he was a businessman

- veronica’s own parents are threatening her UGH

- power to veronica for wanting to run but this isn’t gonna end well

- TONI’S HOT & even if her audition flopped cheryl still would’ve made her member #lovemybabies

- tbh i didn’t like the lodges being the main plot point and i’d still prefer for the serpents to get more screentime than them BUT this is getting interesting

- drag him archie

- i want to see other south siders fighting for this why does jughead get to be the leader of this revolution (that i’m here for!! except for the school thing bc it doesn’t make sense)

- y’all have been having friendship problems since the ms. gr**** thing i think the trains have been getting closer than you think jug

- FINALLY, THE CHONI I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR

- something bad is gonna happen to cheryl i’m calling it, and nana rose

- (about what betty said after cheryl opened up) betty let chic into her and her family’s life can she not just be cautious from a distance and let her mom enjoy having her son back

- of course toni’s in the bed you sly little bird cheryl

- y’all gonna fuck? kidding this the cw that’s only for het couples

- THEY GONNA KISS AWE

- ok fuck why can’t we have some happiness for once

- penelope and claudius pushed her, i mean penelope had obviously prepared a back up plan incase she didn’t die (mentioning sundowners syndrome)

- #ProtectCherylBlossom

- aw archie’s mom is back i’m happy 

- YES SCHOOL THAT BOY FOR DISRESPECTING FRED GO MAMA ANDREWS

- charles melton looks really hot with a bruised face oi oi (so does jordan connor)

- that lowkey sounds like a bribe veronica.... 

- fang, toni, and pea are in this scene?? new favorite scene

- honestly, if any other serpent was the one in jugheads spot i think i would be all for it lmao

- i thought mary (andrews) was gonna also give archie the safe sex talk that he archie never got dang

- mary’s giving good advice though let’s just hope archie will listen to it

- I LOVE KEVIN 

- kevin had the right to tell chic, she was the one who forced him into the poorly planned catfishing (like seriously - she shouldn’t have been there and they shouldn’t have done it at a school). kevin has barely got any good storylines that actually continue and i’m so damn happy that he’s sticking up for himself. betty only reaches out to him when she needs help.

- betty talking about her darkness and saying ‘darkness’ in general is the most cringey thing ever. she has some sort of mental illness. i don’t know what but they shouldn’t have taken this ‘darkness inside of me’ approach.

- i wish V tried to become josie’s friend before asking her for an endorsement. actually, i wish the show resolved their friendship ages ago. they’re the one of the few WOC and overall i’m tired of girl x girl friendships being ruined like this

- it’s got so bad that veronica had to bribe josie to endorse her. i know this isn’t gonna go well

- sweet pea looking like an out of focus snack <333

- DRAG HIM JUGHEAD (lol you can tell how much i don’t like archie being up hiram’s ass that i’m praising jughead)

- give betty cooper therapy, you cowards

- ‘i caught the black hood’ bitch no you didn’t that hoe still out there & i’m taking that theory to the grave

- sheriff keller woah i forgot about him

- my boy fp!!

- omfg imagine when betty tells jughead that chic’s dad isn’t hal they better have him be like “...what if it’s mine” (i just realized that sorta sounds like jughead saying ‘what if the kid aka chic is mine’ and that’s not what i meant, i meant that chic’s dad is jughead’s dad but that made me laugh so i’m keeping it)

- oh sHIT something’s gonna happen @ this concert/rally for veronica’s campaign thing

- kevin’s filming it yeps something’s happening

- ope i knew it ethel is passing papers out 

- woop there it is

- i don’t ~really~ get why betty’s mad 

- JOSIE’S APART OF IT WTF I DIDN’T SEE THAT COMING but i should have :(

- this show tries to be all about female empowerment but then they have two girls banding together to bully an already manipulated and hurting girl. smh

- again, i don’t ~really~ get why betty can’t trust her anymore

- :((( i feel so bad for ronnie. she’s being manipulated by her parents and i really want her out of lodge industries. she’s taking blame for the shit that her parents have done

- THIS IS WHAT I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR

- HAHAHAA THE WIG OH MY GOD

- “i was guessing” congrats betty, you’ve played yourself

- the offer that hiram made to fp actually sounds nice :((( if only he wasn’t so shady 

- archie is so far up hiram’s ass he sounds exactly like him

- YOU GO MARY! SCHOOL YO CHILD

- finally a parent (alice) talks bout safe sex to their kid (betty)!!! my mom is gonna be so happy when she watches this episode (yes i watch riverdale with my mom, no it’s not awkward during sex scenes because we watch every show together so we’re used to it)

- “absolutely not.” keep telling that to yourself alice

- alice cooper is my favorite cooper

- “he’s dangerous.” bitch so are you? you held a lighter up to his face?

- i thought alice killed that drug dealer is that what betty is saying he did

- cheryl doesn’t have red lipstick on in this hospital scene something’s gonna happen

- nana was being poisoned by the tea :((

- i guess i’m remembering this wrong i thought alice shot him (about the scene in chic’s room)

- how did betty not remember that he didn’t touch anything

- CHERYL DROP AND ROLL OUT OF THAT CAR NOW

- look at archie being all smart aw

- why is betty next to kevin?? stay away from my baby (kevin)

- this scene is actually really powerful? even though them chaining themselves to the school is a repetitive and cliche thing to do, the aesthetics and the filming of it is really cool

- can we see all those young serpents more often pls

- what is jughead talking about why does he think they’re gonna lose riverdale high? is it because of veronica running? bc no one’s gonna vote for her after those flyers

- uGH i can see him being a good president

- why is betty so done with her and veronica’s friendship? i really don’t get why she’s so mad at her?

- jughead, betty, and fp all living together. that’s a concept

- SOMEONE WRITE A HEADCANON OF ALICE BUSTING INTO THE TRAILER TO GET BETTY BACK AND THEN WE GET SOME CUTE FALICE ANGST

- i’m happy mary’s staying bc maybe with her around we’ll get more fred screen time #canyoutellilovefred

- FUCK YEAH FRED IS RUNNING

- toni topaz is the caring type of girlfriend who goes to her girl’s house when they aren’t in school pass it on!!

- but really though where is cheryl what are they doing to her

- CHERYL DOESN’T DESERVE THIS SHE’S BEEN EMOTIONALLY ABUSED FOR YEARS AND HAS LOST A BROTHER, FATHER, AND BEST FRIEND 

main takeaways

~ veronica is being manipulated by her parents and doesn’t deserve half of the shit that’s getting thrown at her

~ jughead is still cringey and extra

~ toni is the girlfriend of all of our dreams let’s be honest here

~ cheryl blossom doesn’t deserve this bullshit

~ betty cooper is mentally ill

~ chic is fp and alice’s son

~ #FredForMayor

[mmkelleywrites]

Call Upon Your God

My best friend growing up was obsessed with God. His family never struck me as particularly Jesus-y, but Art took it hook, line and sinker. He was always reading one of the books of the Bible. Even some more strange books, like Enoch. I remember when I mentioned I'd never heard of them, he just shrugged and said most sects considered them non-canon.

The strangest things about him were, in no particular order, that he was friends with me, and his obsession with meeting God. I've always been a godless heathen, for lack of a better word. He never seemed to care, and honestly I enjoyed the Bible stories he had to tell me. Weird shit, like Jesus banishing a dragon, Angels breeding with humans and making monstrosities. You know, *weird shit.*

Towards the end of highschool, I lost track of Art. I spent some time in and out of mental health facilities. Some of the people I met in those years really liked the stories I remembered from Art. Sometimes because of the absurdity, but some of them found some hope somewhere in there too. When I finally got home, Art was there waiting for me. Bright, full of Christ and with cookies from his mom.

It was like we never parted. He was extremely excited that he’d gotten into Bob Jones University. I laughed at him when he mentioned “B.J.U.” He ignored my crude humor, as always. I guess they have a program that’s very intensive in Bible studies. I asked him about meeting God. He was still as convinced as when we were ten.  After my stint in the facilities, I thought to ask, “Does that mean you want to die?”

“No!” he snapped.

        An awkward silence, then he apologized for being snappy. He calmly explained that if he were to kill himself, or possibly even die purposely, that he’d risk not going to the Pearly Gates. Of course he prayed,  and volunteered, and really anything he could do to emulate people who’d been Saints. He was working soup kitchens, advocating for AIDS patients, donating as much as his little job would let him to the homeless, and with all of that going on still manage to help out at the women’s shelter. He really latched on to the “whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me” bit from the big guy.

    Is it any surprise he hadn’t met God? I knew it wasn’t going to happen, but at the same time, I admired the difference he was making in the world. He called me on my lunch break one day. In one of his religion classes at BJU, the discussion apparently shifted to inmates. Someone said they’d heard a lot of death row inmates suddenly find God once their fate is sealed. In typical Art fashion, he wedged visiting inmates into his schedule. He passed those stories onto me, too. Some of them were absolutely proud of their crimes. No remorse, they nearly pissed themselves laughing at the mention of the Lord or salvation. There were those who’d seeked out salvation. Not all of them through religion, but many of them had. He focused on those. Even the ones who seemed to absolutely believe found it laughable that God had actually come to them. Disappointed, but he added “Prison Ministry” to his resume of good deeds and kept that a few days a month, too.

    I don’t really know if it was the same class, but discussion turned towards, “there are no atheists in a fox hole.” It was like he had been sitting on top of the solution the whole time. He dropped everything and joined the service. Three tours. Afghanistan once, Iraq twice. Assignments everyone else thought were crazy, he was the first in line. Every time he came back, he was the exact same Art. I honestly don’t know if he killed anyone over there. I didn’t want to ask, and he never seemed interested in talking about that part of his job. Eventually, he gave that up, and went back to BJU, this time on a GI Bill.

    I got the impression he wasn’t very strict with himself on his attendance this time around. He was digging into more of the “non-canon” books again. I’m not sure where he found it, but he kept talking about doing works in the name of God as a means of transformation. Art said he was still figuring it out, but that he was starting to see all of the work he’d put in trying to meet God as a means of personal transformation. Service as a chrysalis, he said.

    After that, I never knew when we’d talk. He’d call or show up at all hours of day, exhausted, but somehow invigorated at the same time. I kind of figured maybe he’d had some kind of existential crisis that lead into drugs and drinking. I’d seen it in the facilities, and he certainly fit the archetype that I’d seen do that. I just tried to be there for him as best I could. I tried to bring it up, maybe save him like he’d always tried for me. He swore up and down that he wouldn’t touch anything like that.

    This part of the story is where my details get murky. A rash of murders ripped through our city. Art was the final victim.  There were eight victims in total. The first person was an investment broker. He was plastered all over the news for very likely accusations of embezzlement. They came to raid his condo, expecting that he’d skipped town when he failed to meet his court date. No one was prepared for him, boiled in oil in his hottub. The murderer had broken in, put extra heating elements into the tub and refilled it with vegetable oil. They found two rare coins balanced on his eyes.

    The next victim was similarly high profile. A nationally syndicated personality, known for spewing vitriol and outrage. He targeted anyone outside of his political circle. The person responsible caught him early in the morning going into the studio. The aide that usually arrived at the same time was running late that early morning. The sound proof studio made sure no one heard what must have been a horrific racket. He was chopped, limb from limb. It must have been done quickly, because he had still been gasping for his final breaths when the aide found him. He was too far gone to give a description of his assailant. The camera’s only caught a person in all black, like one of those ANTIFA protesters from recently. No forensic data was recovered.

    The third victim is what started suggestions of more than one killer. The local news reported the wife of the second victim had been found dead in their home. They found her inside of a python. The small video clip of their house showed a small wine cellar that was only accessible from the kitchen. The person, or persons, must have broken in during the funeral and dumped a menagerie of snakes into the cellar after removing the ladder back into the kitchen. They’d removed the hatch and put the rug back over it. When she came home, she fell into Indiana Jones’ nightmare. Copperheads, water moccasins, pythons, cobras, an anaconda that came up missing from the zoo. It was a hateful death sentence. An expert from the zoo said that, if they hadn’t found her for awhile, there may have been nothing left in the python, as they digest bones and all.

    Number four was our Congressman. Not a hometown hero, but not a villain either. He had a passion for expensive wines and dinners. Expensive outings, mostly at the expense of corporations buying his votes. He had been nailed down to a chair in his study. The coroner noted small cuts inside of his mouth, that they chalked up to the rats that had apparently been force-fed to him while live. There were also toads and snakes slithering and hopping around the study, and remnants of them in his stomach at the time of the autopsy.

    At this point, people were mortified. Who was doing this? Comments on the local news’ website for these stories ran the gambit between praising someone for taking out the trash and admiration for their creativity in problem to disgust that no one could catch the person responsible for the depravity and being terrified that it would never stop. The fifth killing flew under the radar, but is now believed to be the fifth in the series of killings. An adult entertainment convention happened through town. One of the actresses was found burned alive in the alley along the hotel she was staying in.

    The sixth victim is where these killings started to find their links cemented past speculation. I personally knew this guy. Art did, as well. He was a science teacher we both had in high school, Mr. Fink. A very capable man, but full of himself to a fault. He was convinced he was God’s gift to everyone. If you cornered him being wrong, he simply gaslighted you into thinking that he was right the whole time. They found him strapped to a waterwheel. Official cause of death? Drowning. They think he rotated on the wheel for days before being found. Someone noticed that all of these were the Hell-bond’s punishments for the Capital Sins.

    They found the last two victims together. Art’s neighbor, Jim. He’d always spent so much of his life trying to one up Art’s family. They got a new car? He bought a boat the next week. Art got into BJU? His son was going to MIT. Art always ignored it. He said if you let the envy bother you, you’re just being prideful, and that’s just as bad. His wife found him in their chest freezer. It had been emptied, filled with water and he’d been forced in. The lid was weighed down with cinder blocks to prevent his escape. He was locked in a block of ice.

    Art was there, too. The police haven’t been able to figure out why he was there. His flesh was singed and his torso was split from neck to pelvis. Since we were so close, I got a chance to see his remains. It reminded me of a used cocoon, a spent husk laying on the garage floor. There wasn’t much left, some bone and flesh. The organs were gone. I did some reading, Art’s death wasn’t a punishment for sin, but Jim’s was. I haven’t heard from Art, but I get this feeling in my chest that he’s out there. Maybe he met God, maybe he turned into what he’d been worshiping all this time?

[tabloidtoc]

Globe, September 21

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: America’s new civil war caused by Trump 

Page 2: Up Front & Personal -- Antonio Banderas zips around his native Spain after recovering from coronavirus, Neil Sedaka, Brooke Shields on the phone in the Hamptons 

Page 3: Demi Lovato in a mask using her phone, Sofia Richie makes a splash at the beach, Arnold Schwarzenegger blows his nose while biking in Santa Monica 

Page 4: Goodfellas toughie Ray Liotta has been forced into wearing a hearing aid at the age of 65 -- a lifetime of firing weapons in screen roles and playing loudmouthed gangsters who scream and get screamed at has slowly eroded his hearing but his love life is sizzling with brunette stunner Jacy Nittolo 20 years his junior

Page 5: Brave Black Panther star Chadwick Boseman took shocking secrets to his grave and left behind a legacy of generosity when he died from colon cancer last month -- in addition to hiding his killer disease he also wed his longtime girlfriend Taylor Simone Ledward on the sly and he was also tight-lipped about his other relationships keeping his close friendships with Denzel Washington and Phylicia Rashad under wraps -- Chadwick fought Marvel before shooting Black Panther to make sure his character T’Challa was played with an African accent to reflect his heritage and culture when the big shots wanted an English or American accent, Amber Heard is at her wit’s end after learning Johnny Depp is ready to embroil her in yet another explosive legal case -- after giving lengthy testimony this summer in a London courtroom where Johnny was suing a British newspaper for labeling him a wife beater rattled Amber has been warned by her legal team that Johnny is coming after her in the U.S. whether or not he wins his London case -- Johnny has made a move to sue Amber for defamation in Virginia for writing a column about sexual violence against women and implying she was battered without mentioning his name -- Amber has been a mess and she believes Johnny’s doing this to grind her into the dirt 

Page 6: Angelina Jolie is seething over Brad Pitt’s romance with young German model Nicole Poturalski and she’s dead set on keeping their kids away from his latest squeeze and she feels her ex is flaunting his fling with the 27-year-old to deliberately aggravate her and she’s steamed about him bringing his married galpal to Chateau Miraval which is the former couple’s estate in France 

Page 7: Matthew Perry is tormented after being snubbed for the special reunion episode for The West Wing where his guest acting earned him two Emmy nominations and he’s hurt because West Wing really has a special place in his heart, Mariah Carey reveals she penned two songs about her former baseball player beau Derek Jeter -- her song The Roof was about her first smooch with the now-retired New York Yankee and her song My All was about jetting off to spend time with Derek who she credits with helping her get past her doomed marriage to music mogul Tommy Mottola 

Page 8: Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are bickering because he’s being forced to miss his family’s traditional Balmoral Castle holiday -- while Harry is upset he won’t be spending time with his 94-year-old granny Queen Elizabeth his wife Meghan doesn’t feel like she’s missing out and she’s too busy decorating their new Montecito mansion and never wants to return to Britain

Page 9: Desperately hoping his son Prince Harry will come to his senses and return to the fold Prince Charles is still paying Harry and his wife Meghan Markle a $30,000 monthly allowance -- Charles and Harry have a very strong and close father-and-son relationship despite disagreeing over Harry’s move to the United States and Charles has made it clear that the door is always open

Page 11: Tom Cruise plunked down a whopping $675,000 to hire a cruise ship to house the cast and crew shooting his Mission: Impossible 7 in a bid to beat costly delays caused by the coronavirus pandemic

Page 12: Celebrity Buzz -- Peter Weller in L.A. (picture), This Is Us heartthrob Justin Hartley’s love life is like a soap opera story line involving a trio of daytime divas -- Justin’s first wife Lindsay Korman and mom to his teenage daughter is duking it out with wife No. 2 Chrishell Stause who trashed him on her reality show Selling Sunset after he texted her a divorce demand while meanwhile Justin is distracting himself with yet another soap star Sofia Pernas, it was a real-life high school horror story for Amelia Gray Hamlin daughter of RHOBH star Lisa Rinna and Harry Hamlin who had her mom trashed by two teachers resulting in her anorexia, Sherri Shepherd’s career went from getting a standing ovation after a guest spot on Friends to answering phones as a legal secretary for David Schwimmer’s dad, Sex and the City creator Candace Bushnell had a romantic dinner with John Corbett while he was dating Bo Derek 

Page 13: Tiffani Thiessen goes grocery shopping (picture), Placido Domingo performs in Italy at his first concert since contacting coronavirus (picture), Kevin Hart relaxes behind the wheel while pregnant wife Eniko pumps gas (picture), Macaulay Culkin is reminding everyone that age matters when he tweeted that he’s turning 40 

Page 14: Before he hit the jackpot with the British version of The Office Ricky Gervais and his longtime girlfriend lived above a brothel because they has absolutely no money, David Arquette is going to great lengths to revive his wrestling career for a new documentary called You Cannot Kill Me where he undergoes an excruciatingly painful wax job on particularly sensitive body part including his buttocks and in the film he strips stark naked for a spray tan and flashes viewers full-length shots of all his assets as he gets freshly orange-tinted skin blow-dried, Fashion Verdict -- Monica Bellucci 2/10, Kate Bosworth 7/10, Kristen Bell 8/10, Julianne Hough 9/10 

Page 16: Kate Winslet says she and co-star Saoirse Ronan decided to self-choreograph their racy lesbian sex scene in the film Ammonite, R. Kelly got a brutal beatdown from a fellow inmate in a Chicago lockup while he was asleep in his cell and a thug with F**k the Feds inked on his face stomped on Kelly’s head and tried to stab him with a pen because the attacker blamed the appearance of Kelly’s supporters outside the jail for triggering recent prison lockdowns 

Page 17: Tim McGraw and Faith Hill are on the road to Splitsville as they tussle over where to live their lives as empty nesters -- Faith wants to permanently relocate to California while Tim refuses to budge from Nashville -- their daughter Gracie is living in L.A. pursuing an acting career and Faith wants to follow suit even though she was panned for her work in the flop The Stepford Wives in 2004, Susan Schneider Williams the heartsick widow of tragic funnyman Robin Williams says she and her husband were told to sleep in separate beds as the ailing star struggled with insomnia in the years before his 2014 suicide 

Page 19: 10 Things You Don’t Know About Padma Lakshmi, Steve Carell ditched cult hit The Office after seven seasons in 2011 but he recently revealed shooting his farewell episode was emotional torture, Laurence Fishburne is out of The Matrix revealing he has not been invited to appear in the fourth installment of the blockbuster film series and although he won’t be rejoining stars Keanu Reeves and Carrie-Anne Moss he admits sci-fi sage Morpheus is probably the role he’ll be best remembered for 

Page 21: True Crime 

Page 24: Cover Story -- Blood in the Streets 

Page 26: Health Report 

Page 36: The simmering feud between Madonna and Elton John has erupted into an all-out war with the vengeful Madonna gloating as tormented Elton wages a heart-rending legal battle with his ex-wife -- Madonna is thrilled over Elton’s agonizing court battle because she’s hated him since 2012 when he slammed her as a fairground stripper and called her tour a disaster -- Elton is in a painful brawl in a London court with his former spouse Renate Blauel who accused Elton of shaming her by forcing her into the limelight with his blabbing about their doomed romance in his recent memoir and bio-flick, Mel C claims she and her Spice Girls bandmates were never harassed by men in the music industry because dudes were petrified of the all-female pop group known for their Girl Power slogan 

Page 38: Real Life 

Page 44: Straight Talk -- screwball actor Jim Belushi has a really nutty solution to America’s homeless problems: he wants to stone them but not with rocks with pot 

Page 45: This Is Us star Chrissy Metz has finally gotten over her heartbreaking split from boyfriend Hal Rosenfeld two years ago and now is asking co-star Mandy Moore to help find her a new love, Toni Braxton has one big regret which is she wishes she’d partied hardier and had more sex during her younger years but she insists it’s not too late to add more notches to her belt 

Page 47: Hollywood Flashback -- Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey in 1987′s Dirty Dancing, Bizarre But True  

[stargleeksil-blog]

Criminal Minds s04e02 Angel Maker review - or more aptly named, oh my god this is amazing yet gross at the same time. Why do this to me?

Episode 02 – Angel Maker

Hey guys! So I’m still reeling from that first episode. Oh my goodness gracious. That was a definite showstopper. But, I’m over it, I hope it’s going to be fine. I hope for a little breather, and that this one will be a little funnier. But let’s see what happens. Okay?

Let’s get it started.

Creepy music isn’t instilling me with much confidence, you know.

A young cat lady? Oh honey.

Oh boy. Someone else is walking in the house.

Oh boy.

Why is that creeper hiding in her closet till the morning to kill her? What the fuck?

And why a hammer?

“You’re experiencing hyperacusis. It’s caused by sudden loud noises, like an explosion.” REALLY?

(that’s sarcasm) – hyper sounds loud.

Wait. So the doctor wants to take him off the field? Oh boy.

I mean, I get it, and I want him to get better, but poor baby, he can’t sit still forever. He hated being a prosecutor.

“W-what if I said I’d … take it easy and … limit my role in the field?”

So cute! He’s like, I need to get back to work.

Wait. He’s so damaged in the ear he can’t hear his phone ringing? Oh, baby.

Wait. That fucker raped and hammered her to death? Ugh.

JJ: “Lower Canaan, Ohio.”

Emily: “Lower where?”

Ha! I love you, Emily. I have no fucking idea where that is either.

“Ritual. Nice hair, by the way.”

Hey! Leave my poodle’s mane!

Wait what? It’s the same victimology of a serial killer who was executed? Makes no sense.

Oh. A copycat honoring the anniversary of his hero’s death. Ew.

I’m sorry, Reid saying ‘semen’ is like hearing me talking in Japanese – unnatural.

Hold up, the jizz they found in the girl is matching to the DNA of the Angel Maker? WHAT?

Oh boy.

Chuck Palahniuk: “We all die. The goal isn’t to live forever, the goal is to create something that will.” AMAZING

“They have parachutes on board, right?”

“They should. It’s standard on all federal air transport.”

“Maybe we can give one to the elephant in the room, get him out of here?”

OH MY GOD! ROSSI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST DIED! SOMEBODY GIVE THOSE WRITERS A GOLD STAR!

“That’d be the elephant with the dead man’s DNA.”

“Well, obviously somebody planted the semen on the victim.”

Derek: “In the victim.”

“Reid, you’re not seriously floating around the idea of an evil twin, are you?”

WHAT?

“No, I’m not. I’m floating the idea of an eviler twin.” DOES HE NOT UNDERSTAND SARCASM?

Oh my god, I’m dying right now.

“Traditionally, the concept is a good twin and an evil twin. But in this case, it’s evil twin and eviler twin.”

Oh god, I love my pure angel.

Why would the puncture wounds seem familiar to Emily? Weird.

That’s a pretty prison.

“Real lady killer.”

REALLY? Did that guard just make that lame ass joke? Oh god.

“The type of DNA that cats in lockup don’t have occasion to use.”

Wow. That’s some strong language there, Derek!

Can I ask? Why does he speak to everyone normally on the phone, but when he talks to Garcia, it’s to the hearing piece? Is he that desperate for her voice? I don’t get it.

Wait. There are rumors about the execution being sloppy? Oh boy.

Wait. They’re digging up the angel maker to prove he’s dead to get the townies off their backs? That’s wrong. Listen to the FBI.

Okay, so I’m naturally extremely sensitive to loud noises, like the buzzing in Hotch’s ear, so can they NOT do that please? UGH

So that’s an empty coffin. And it’s not a good sign.

Oh boy.

Oh god, Shemar is sitting on a desk. Why do I find that hot?

“What does that mean, doctor?” God, no one should sound that hot. Fuck. No really, if you check out my lady parts, you’ll see them all aflutter.

Wait. So they killed him with drugs, and yet he was still alive? Oh boy.

Wait. When they killed Cortland he said he’d come back right before they attempted to execute him? Oh boy.

“Did you know that John Wayne Gracie painted clowns? A murdering pedophile paints clowns, and people hand them on their walls. It’s creepy on so many levels. I mean, clowns –”

“Garcia, I didn’t know you had that hang-up.”

Aw, Derek is learning stuff about baby girl.

“Coulrophobia – abnormal fear of clowns.” Good to know, female Reid XD

“Oh, no, there is nothing abnormal about it. When I was twelve, a hobo clown groped my breast at a birthday party and made this old-timey honkey noise when he did it. Apparently making it funny makes it okay.”

YOU ARE ONE AMAZING GIRL! AND I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND THE FEAR OF CLOWNS! THEY CREEP ME OUT TOO! (never seen one in this country, but still).

Derek’s face is like, who the fuck touched my baby girl’s boobs? Only I am allowed! Who is this clown and how can I kill him?

“Oh, my vision, I found a ton.”

That’s sad. Angel Maker memorabilia. Ew.

“He also made these little origami figurines out of cigarette boxes, which, I hate to say, are really cute.”

Oh honey.

“Shebang!”

Wait. The guard sells his crap? Oh boy.

“Wakey, wakey, my man.”

Well, Sid’s dead. Shit.

“One to the grill, one to the groin. That’s personal.”

Damn straight.

“Strikes me as an Aqua Velva guy.”

Bam. Nailed it. That’s his cologne.

Ha!

What’s in the pill box?

Wait. It’s a woman now? Oh boy.

Wait. Rutledge blackmailed the unsub? OH BOY!

“We now know that Rutledge was transferred to Hawkesville from a female prison, in the wake of allegations that he was using his position to leverage sexual favors from inmates.”

Oh boy.

“That and the fact that he took a PDE-5 inhibitor shortly before his murder.”

“A what?”

“Viagra.”

Oh damn.

Are they allowed to say that on CBS? Hahahaha oh my god.

“Hybristophilia. It’s a sexual attraction to men who commit violent crimes.”

I’m sorry, but Derek talking about sexual attraction is seriously sexy and he can’t talk about unhealthy attraction and look sexy at the same time because it ruins the whole point.

“She’s using an instrument to simulate the sexual assault …” did they actually say she was using toys on the victim? OH BOY!

“Hey, you ever get groupies at your book singing?” “Sometimes, if Barry Manilow isn’t in town.”

I love you, Rossi.

“Waits an average of three hours for a ten-minute visit, mandatory strip search. Would you endure that for a guy?”

“For Barry Manilow, maybe.”

OH MY GOD EMILY!

Wait. This lady professed she was the fucker’s lover? Oh boy.

“Last time I checked, they didn’t allow conjugal visits on death row.”

True.

Wait. So the lady then stopped loving him because she got a letter addressed to a different woman, but it was written in a different dialect, how can it be from him, then? It makes no sense.

Oh god. Another victim.

She killed a day-care lady? THAT IS CRUEL!

Wait. The puncture wounds mean something? Oh boy.

The letters to ‘dove’ were a code? Oh boy.

I love you, Reid.

“What do you need to crack it?” “The ability to clone myself and a year’s supply of Adderall.”

“I’ll put on the coffee.”

Oh my god, that was genius.

“So they both had home-based businesses. A stranger could walk in off the street and be a prospective customer.” Oh god.

SHIT. The puncture wounds represent constellations. Damn.

“Delphinus, the dolphin; Equuleus, the little horse. Anything sound familiar?”

“His origami things.”

Oh boy.

Shit. One more kill to complete the set. Shit.

“They weren’t just close. They were in love.”

Gross.

“How’d you crack it?”

“I profiled the author. Cortland Ryan was on death row with several high-ranking members of the Aryan brotherhood.”

“He got the code from the Aryans?”

“Either that or he read a lot of 16th-century literature.”

Wait. “The Aryans liked to use a cipher based on a 400-year old code written by Sir Francis Bacon.” Oh god.

“Normally you’d use a computer to run all these combinations, but it was quicker to just to do it longhand until I found the right one.” WHAT?

“He’s so lifelike.” OH MY GOD! EMILY!

Seriously, those letters were so romantic, if it weren’t for the horrible fact that he fucking killed people and she continued his ‘mission��� after death.

JJ’s right. Reid confirmed, “Well, she did say ‘us’ – watch over us from the stars.”

Wait. The victim survived? Because she screamed? GOOD FOR YOU LADY!

Wait. So Shara did the whole thing, trying to get pregnant with the wacko’s kid? EW!

“So if you want me to find baby angel maker, we’re gonna have to narrow it down.” I love you Garcia.

“Ten months, actually.”

“Really?”

No wait. Hold up. Seriously? I didn’t know that a woman was pregnant ten months. Wait. Are they making this up? Hold on. Nope. They’re right. So why are we so convinced that it’s always nine months? MOM! HAVE YOU BEEN LYING TO ME????

HAS MY SCHOOL SEX ED CLASS IN THE SIXTH GRADE BEEN LYING TO ME THIS WHOLE TIME?

“We’ll do single mothers only, in case she wanted to keep the father a secret, you know, didn’t want to brag: ‘oh, your baby daddy’s a third-grade teacher? Well, mine likes to poke people in the stomach with tools, so there.’” LOL

So gross, yet so awesome

Wait. Why is the name familiar to my poodle?

Damn. She was on the jury. So she knew the case. Fuck.

Shit. Her baby died in the hospital, she wanted a baby so bad, and she fell in love with the fucker so deeply that she was willing to continue his legacy and let her new baby know who his daddy was? FUCK.

“Completing the murders was the only way she could hold on to him.”

I’m with you, baby, that’s gross. She stole the body from the grave. Fuck.

“Meetings with Delilah Grennan and Maxine Chandler the day of each murder.” Oh boy.

Bam. found the next victim. Let’s hope we get her in time.

Shemar leaning over a car. Hot.

Sneaky, yummy Shemar.

Shit. She took a gun and is roaming the house and my baby is there, too. Fuck.

Wendell Berry: “The past is our definition. we may strive, with good reason, to escape it, or to escape what is bad in it, but we will escape it only by adding something better to it.” Sounds weird. Then again, I’m pretty sure I’m high on caffeine. Which is weird.

“Morgan doesn’t like to follow directions. You didn’t know about that?”

“Yeah he likes to vibe it.”

What does that even mean?

“Ok, smart ass, you drive.”

Emily: “Oh, great.”

I love this cast so fucking much!

And Morgan said ‘ass’.

 Okay, so this episode was creepy in so many ways, but we had more fun between my superheroes which was amazing beyond belief! I’m so happy they put everything in one episode and also addressed what happened to Hotch and didn’t just glance over it.

I’m not gonna elaborate too much, seeing as this is already heavy on the verbosity and I’m planning on adding tons of pictures of Shemar, Kirsten and Matthew anyway. So I’ll see you all for the next episode, and thank you again, for taking the time to actually see what I have in my filthy mind.

Love you all!

<3

[prize-winning-conker]

Speaking of that daft column, it’s now more an essay, but ehh. He’s given me free reign so may as well make it count and make sure I upset someone. Think it’s done so have it early...

I was eight years old and in hospital, the cliché picture with a band aid on forehead and arm in splint. Mom hadn’t sat the entire time she’d been at my bedside - all three hours to that point. Lovingly fretting, you ask? Nope. Glaring down at me. I knew she was, her arms were folded and her weight shifted from one foot to the other as her exasperation grew, but I hadn’t dared to look all the way up to check. Eventually she cracked. 

“What have I told you?” 

That day would be the first time my mom’s most important lesson made sense to me, though it would take a number of years for me to fully absorb it. 

We were at recess. A group of classmates pulled me to one side. Their frisbee had got stuck in the tree, too high for anyone to throw a ball and knock. Could you fetch it for us? I wasn’t sure, it was pretty high and far out on the branch. But you know how to climb trees, they said, you climb the highest and fastest out of everyone. Won’t you help? It’s not fair if you don’t, you only need to shake the branch a little... They had a point. I was the best, and it wouldn’t be hard for me to do. They wouldn’t get it back that recess otherwise, so I agreed with a smile. 

It was high up. Even with my speed, by the time I reached the branch in question the gaggle of classmates had swollen to half the playground cheering me on, finally attracting the attention of horrified teachers. One called out, I panicked at their tone and slipped, slamming my head on a branch and landing with one arm outstretched futilely to break my fall. 

Apparently I went thud. I don’t remember that last part, though my classmates would argue over the exact noise for a week. I do remember being pinned to a board in the back of an ambulance, trying to get the paramedics to understand my mom was going to kill me if she found out. Too late, they said, she was on her way to the hospital. She’ll be there already, I said, to which they laughed. They stopped with a choke when they opened the back of the ambulance and there she was, glowering up at me with her jaw set. That was the last time I would look her in the eye for the next few hours. 

We said nothing to each other, save her sharp ‘well?’ when I was expected to answer a question she couldn’t. I passed through the hands of baffled trauma teams then X-ray staff to the children’s ward doctors. They could find nothing wrong with me other than a mild concussion, an associated graze, and a sprained wrist from my failed attempt to completely break my fall. I was very lucky, they repeatedly told me, I should have been killed from that height. I was to stay in overnight for observation. I guess they thought they’d missed something. After checking me over for the umpteenth time the final doctor left, then our stubborn battle began in earnest. 

I’m not sure why she caved first for once. Maybe because the other adults were doting on their poorly kids and glancing over like she had two heads, or because some of the other inmates were whispering about the chill in the air as her eyes bored into my skull. Most likely she knew Dad’s imminent arrival would undermine whatever lesson she had planned, his hugs and kisses ruining the gravitas, so she started as though I’d made a noise first.

“What have I told you?” 

It wasn’t a riddle. We’d talk after every episode of my favourite superhero cartoons, each time my Uncle appeared on TV as The Great Saiyaman, when I’d slip and call the martial arts and ki-techniques she was teaching me ‘superpowers’. Her mantra formed the closing lines of the bedtime stories of my parents’ hard-won battles.

You always have a choice, she’d say. But she didn’t understand, I did choose! It made sense to help. I was the best at climbing and was the only one who-- She grabbed my chin in one hand, forcing me to look her in the eye, her usual move when she wanted her words to stick. I think that’s when she got reported for her unorthodox parenting style, but that’s another story.

“That isn’t giving yourself a choice. You don’t have to risk yourself to help anyone, do you understand me?” 

I now appreciate why my mother was so vexed that day. It wasn’t at me, more it was with herself at not hammering home the message hard enough and soon enough. 

There’s a painful double standard in the world. We tell our kids to have big dreams and to do what makes them happiest, but the moment a child shows aptitude for something society finds useful they’re cajoled and pushed. Dare to take a different path and the interrogation become endless. I don't understand, the people say, you’re so talented, why didn't you follow your ideal career? Didn’t you want to be rich, or successful, or famous, or powerful? You could have been someone. We had such high hopes. If I were you… Those words sting, no matter the context or love with which they’re said. I’ve heard them a lot the past few days from confused colleagues and I don’t expect that to stop as the news filters out. 

Like all parents in some respects, my mom was fretting over whether she was doing the right thing. On the one hand her teaching would grant me immunity to most of life’s dangers. When my training was finished forget a fall, I could get hit by a truck and not budge an inch. On the other those same abilities would put me in the position to help when no one else could. If found out I would become a commodity to society, it would be deemed unreasonable and even irresponsible of me to decline to help and I'd be trapped. Even at that young age people were already tugging at my sleeves demanding small but potentially dangerous things. Like climbing trees. They’d sensed how easily my arm was twisted and over the years the pleading escalated. I’d see their distress and agree to help with that smile. Fetching balls from busy roads. Standing up to bullies. Chasing down a friend’s stolen phone - the mugger could have turned a gun on me at any point but I did as I was asked by my friend’s wordless yell. After all, who else right then and there could have help her?

Before I could blink I had a reputation. Classmates questioned why I wanted to go to college to write and not follow my dad into the police force, or even register to be a Crimefighter. Some were even angry. You’d be so good, so famous, I bet you’d be the best! You have so much potential - you shouldn’t waste it! I don’t understand - if I were you… I’d hidden as much of my training as I could and yet because I was so easily swayed to see the ‘common sense’ in helping they knew I was capable of something more than them. Escaping the path then dictated to me by society took a strength of will I would never have gained if it wasn’t for my family’s unwavering support. Without it I may have gone on to do my ‘duty’, that smile still plastered on my face, and hated every moment.

I may have sworn off a life of crime-fighting but I couldn’t turn my back completely. My closest friends, far more gifted in this arena than myself, went through the same struggle. We didn’t want the attention or the pressure of daily Hero work, we wanted a normal life to cling to. But we’re human to a fault - we couldn’t ignore all the world’s troubles. So instead we Shadowed, the best compromise we stumbled upon. We could move freely through the world as mere citizens, helping when we chose - not when summoned. Expectation still dogged us, though. When out the public saw my all-blacks not as a way to conceal my identity but as a uniform, a promise to help. They’d hide behind me, just like they would any named Hero or Crimefighter. I may have been free to come and go but in the moment my station was not. 

Shadowing came with a price; without an identity we lack a voice in defence and we became an easy target. We receive praise but it’s sparing, quite rightly the bulk is reserved for the plain-clothed volunteers on the ground. But once, where we were a welcome boost to the effort, nowadays our presence at disasters is expected. We’d fallen into doing our ‘duty’, though not correctly as we had the audacity to hide our faces and not give the journalists a sporting chance to hunt us down, and it drew their ire. I’d have to bite my tongue reading colleagues disparage us across the pages and even I couldn’t write too empathetically, lest my identity and connections become obvious. At times the lack of public understanding drove me to tears. Yet as the years passed Mom continued to stare me down. You still have a choice. But I did choose, I wasn’t a Hero really, I just needed to stay a little longer next time. Be more thorough, be faster. Do that then it’d be okay, people would be satisfied. She’d shake her head.

Then the true insignificance of this noise I’d been bending over backwards to placate became stupidly obvious with the arrival of something far worse than some natural disaster. For the briefest of moments the nonsense fell away, and I finally understood her.

Imagine standing in front of a man thousands of times more powerful than you could ever be. He’s willing to let you and the people you care about live if you just stepped aside. “What’s worth saving,” he says, “who here is worth dying for?” Imagine wondering, after days of headlines trashing you for a mistake you were more than capable of beating yourself up over, whether there even was a point to trying anymore. Nothing would ever be enough. You could leave, you could be safe. You’re not obligated to save the ingrates on this rock time and time again. What difference could your puny ass make, anyway? Why risk your life for literally nothing? Those you care about would understand. You even plan, your foot twitches to move. 

You should walk away.

But you don’t.

Because it’s your home he wants and you’ll be damned if you’re handing it over.

And that’s what my mom meant by making a free choice. Not to act because you’re asked or shamed or want to please everyone, but because this time you think it’s the right thing to do, even for selfish reasons. Especially for selfish reasons. Screw duty, unbeholden to anyone you choose to act - whether it conforms to noble expectation or not. Mom may be the type to walk away in moments like that and I know she’d rather I follow suit, but all my parents have ever truly wanted is the weight of responsibility off my shoulders. As long as I have no regrets or guilt they couldn’t be happier for me. With that one terrifying decision made in spite of the ocean of faces hiding behind me, from then on I really didn’t care what people thought of my Shadowing.

We were told we could leave that day, that we should. We’d have a better chance on the run. But until we have no other option we’re staying. Despite all its flaws this is our home and we made up our minds back then to not budge.

Next time we appear remember: we choose freely to walk through fire, toss aside that rubble, carry you above rising waters and yes, risk death literally defending the planet. All because we want to, not because it is expected of us. The words in the media and in idle chatter around us can still leave a bitter taste at times but I can safely say they won’t lead me to dwell. Say what you want to me - If I were you… but you’re not. Tough.

The name the media and public use for me is Auntie Shadow, but between us? My name is Marron, and this is how Shadowing came to pass.

[lukearmitage]

Alec Rodriguez

You can learn a lot about someone by where they are from and where they have chosen to be. Some people never leave their hometown, some people leave as soon as they can, but every once in a while someone will stay and develop their existing community into something beautifully distinguished.

Born and raised in Orange County, Alec Rodriguez grew up with a big family surrounded by nice weather, cars, and tattoos. Due to his love for art, his desire to leave a mark, and the culture he grew up in, it was only a matter of time before he fell into the career he is now fully immersed in. Alec specializes in a popular style of tattooing called ‘Black and Gray realism’ which has it’s roots in East LA’s Chicano culture.

In the 1960’s many people had to get their tattoos done behind closed doors because it was mainly seen as taboo and illegal in some parts of the world. This form of self expression was mainly reserved for outlaw bikers, sailors, and lifers in prison.

Around this time, various groups of Mexican Americans created their own street culture which developed into what was known as the ‘Pachuco lifestyle’. This eventually evolved into the ‘Cholo’ culture where they began drawing and tattooing various images that pulled from a rich Latino catalogue of symbols, designs, and script lettering.

Tattoo art flourished in prison because there was so much time to share ideas and innovate. Prison officials found that they could reduce conflict by allowing inmates to have cassette players. With the motor from a cassette player, pen shaft, and the E string of a guitar, rotary tattoo guns were more prevalent than ever. The inks were made from the ash of burned magazines mixed with water to create different shades of ink. This evolved black and gray realism due to the enhanced quality and dimension of the art.

In those days, a majority of individuals would get their stuff done at the Pike in Long Beach where ‘traditional’ tattoos were popularized by sailors and rebels. However, in 1975 Charlie Cartwright and Jack Rudy opened a shop in East LA called Good Time Charlies where they popularized the distinguishable black and gray style with the help of Freddy Negrete that had started in prison. The shop was eventually sold to Ed Hardy who helped them grow the business and evolve tattooing as whole.

What was once a sign of rebellion has morphed into something that is beyond just another way of self expression.

Alec is the product of that evolution in the flesh. Behind his glistening rolex, wide frame, and intimidating tattoos is a hardworking artist who is both humble and grateful for the opportunities he has. I spent some time with Alec at his studio, along with a couple homies (Joe and Gordo), his two dogs (Chubbs and Ruca a.ka. Sad Girl), and his 64’ Chevy Impala convertible (8-Ball).

His friend Joe casually mentions “we would always just be hanging at his house.” Alec chimes in “This was before cellphones too so you would have to cruise by and see who’s bike was out front. My spot had no rules too.” Joe jokes about Alec having 20 dogs and 20 cats. Alec interrupts him with “naw, 3 dogs and 2 cats” with laughs. “I had a big family. Four siblings. There was always someone else living with us. Always had to take care of somebody else’s kids too. I’ve always been around people, so now when I’m alone, it’s nice, but at the same time its somewhat strange to me.” Which is somewhat ironic because he grew up down the street. All his friends live down the street as well. And when they get off work, they stop by. It has a similar vibe to a club house at times. Even though everyone seems to have a rough exterior, everyone is kind and respectful, which makes for a nice environment to spend time.

So you were born and raised here correct?

Yea, born and raised here. I grew up like right down the street. My mom still lives there.

Has it changed a lot since then?

It’s changed a lot. Definitely not the same as when I was growing up.

Do you miss those times?

Well yea, everybody misses the good old days you know?

In one of your interviews, you mentioned how your pops brought you into a shop and at the time you weren’t really interested, but eventually you came around. Can you talk a little about that?

Yea, when my pops took me into the shop to try and get me into it, I remember watching the whole process. There was puddles of ink, couldn’t see anything, perfectly straight lines, and it just looked like too hard. At that time I was pretty convinced that I couldn’t tattoo. But then a short time after that, I had some friends that I had grown up doing graffiti with, They had bought some tattoo guns and started tattooing out of their garage. And I thought to myself, well, if they can do it, I can do it.

Did your pops always have a lot of tattoos?

Yeah, he has been getting tattoo’d since he was like 14.

Did most people around you and in your family have tattoos growing up?

On my dad’s side, yeah for sure. On my mom’s side, not so much.

When did you start getting into the car culture stuff?

Ever since I was a little kid. My dad had a Cadillac growing up and I just always liked cruising in it. I would always bug him because I wanted to hop in a take a ride somewhere. This is when I was like 10 or 11. I never really thought I’d own one, but I always liked classic cars.

Do you enjoy being involved with it? Can you talk a little about it?

Yea definitely, It’s huge you know? But like anything it’s so political you know? It can be kinda controversial. So I dunno, I just kinda wanna drive my car. I don’t give a fuck about this and that. Don’t really want to get too involved. Like politics and stuff.

Like street politics?

Yeah, street politics and all that. Everyone wants you to get their approval.

Growing up, was it hard to stay out of trouble at all?

I mean, it’s never hard to stay out of trouble, just like it’s never hard to not party, you know what I mean? And then shit gets real and you end up in a place where you’re saying to yourself “aww, I shouldn’t have done that”.

Did tattooing help you stay away from all the bullshit?

Yea definitely, when I was about 18, I was fresh out of high school, my mom was like, “you have to get a job”, and I was “but I have a job” and she was like “I don’t really care, you have to go to school”. But I was frustrated because I had just graduated, I didn’t want to go to school. So I ended up taking a bunch of art classes because I liked it and just needed to meet the minimum requirement for my financial aid. So I was doing that, taking a bunch of bullshit classes, didn’t really know what the fuck I wanted to do. And then came the story with my pops and he took me to the shop. That was all during that whole process.

And at this time you were 19?

18. I got my apprenticeship with Goodfellas when I was 19. I was just a little-ass kid right there at Goodfellas Tattoo Shop with the big dogs. 19 Year old kid spending time with grown-ass men.

How did that make you feel?

It was intimidating as fuck. I was super intimidated. Especially because I knew who Steve Soto was and I looked up to him. And then to like be working for him it was just some starstruck type shit.

You seem like someone who really cares about the art, based on your stuff and your skill level. How were you able to learn so fast?

I get asked that a lot and some people say to me “oh you’re just naturally talented”. I feel like it isn’t so much talent as much as it is trial and error, practice. I always just enjoyed it and wanted to get better at it on my own. I was never really in competition with anyone or anything, it was more for myself. I just wanted to be a great artist.

What do you think was the driving force behind that?

As a kid, I just always loved art. It was just for myself. I wasn’t getting paid for it. I just genuinely enjoyed it. Then I got into graffiti from like 14-17 and I thought I was gonna do that as a career. Got arrested a few times and kinda realized that it probably wasn’t gonna work out.

How did you develop your style and technique? I feel like graffiti is way different than your aesthetic?

Total opposite right? Total opposite. I tell a lot of people, to this day, that I love abstract art and people don’t believe me because of the style that I do. I’m a big fan of it because my roots are from graffiti. But when I was taking all my art classes I was taking life drawing, the teacher was teaching us how to draw the models face, and I started becoming obsessed with making shit look real as fuck. And it just kinda snowballed from there.

You mentioned Steve Soto, are there some other tattoo artists or just artists in general that inspire you?

There were some local big graffiti crews that I was into MSK …CBS. Those guys were the shit.

What inspires you to wake up, do your thing and keep coming to work everyday?

I mean besides all my bills telling me “you gotta get the fuck up and go to work homie,” um, I dunno, I just enjoy what I do. If I sleep in and I’m running late, I just text myself that I’m gonna be late.  

You feel like you’re doing what you’re supposed to do. Like being an artist is your purpose in life?

I think so yea. I sometimes have feelings of wanting to do something else inside the art realm. I just love what I do and I have been drawing since I was a little kid. I love leaving my mark on things. I used to do that. I used to carve “Alec was here” on stuff and my mom would beat my ass. She would be like “Alec, did you do this?” and I would be like “no” and she would just sit there like… “it’s your name dumbass…. what do you mean you didn’t write it?” But I just love leaving my mark on stuff. Which is funny because now I do it with tattooing everyday.

When did you open your private studio up?

Just hit a year.

What was the reasoning for wanting to do that?

I get asked that a lot actually, but I dunno, it was just like an inner feeling that I was just ready to do my own thing. I always have to be close to work. I hate commuting. I was there seven years, so I was just kinda ready to have my own space. Spread my wings.

What was the inspiration for the interior design?

If you were in here the day I opened the doors, it is not the same. I change shit up consistently over here. But I dunno, I just always liked a lot of artwork on the walls. Just a lot of stuff to keep the people entertained while they are here. I always liked the super clean look, just very minimal. Not too cluttered.

A lot of people get tattoos after significant events in their life? Do you feel like a therapist sometimes having to talk to people during the tattoo process?

You know what, I call that ink therapy. I go through those phases myself. It really is therapeutic getting tattooed. I tell these guys here all the time, I joke around like “yea I’m a tattoo artist and a part-time therapist”. Just cause you know, I’m sitting next to the client for like 10 hours. That’s just one session. You get to know someone pretty well, especially after a few sessions. You’re literally sitting there touching their skin. I am helping them tell their story through their skin. I interpret it through my artwork.

The view on tattoo culture is more mainstream now?

Yeah most definitely. And it’s good for me, but everything has its pros and cons. Since it’s more acceptable, I have people with 9-5 jobs coming in here and getting tattoos which is great. But you also have kids going and getting tattoo’s on their face looking like a kindergartners sketch book. I’m glad it’s more acceptable, but some people take things too far.

Do you feel like you’ve changed a lot since you started?

When I was 19... I mean, shit, every 18/19 year old thinks they know everything, but I started working at a shop with grown-ass men with kids and families… and they kinda let me know how things are. They shaped me in a good way you know what I mean? I grew up real quick, just being around them.

Did they humble you?

Yea, most definitely. That’s why I was so grateful you know? Like a lot of people at that age don’t have influences like that. A lot of people have parents who say things like, “don’t do that shit, you’re gonna get arrested”. But you kinda just disregard their opinion. But when it’s somebody you look up to or respect in a different way, you tend to listen a different way. We all have love and respect for our parents obviously. I was just more keen on what the fuck the guys at the shop had to say. Even though it was the same shit my mom used to say. With your parents, sometimes you think they are just trying to control you, but with a friend and a coworker, they are really just looking out for you.

In one of your prior interviews you mentioned the word respect quite a bit. Can you talk a little bit about that and how it applies to you?

Respect is a huge fuckin’ thing you know? If you can’t go into somebodies house and respect it, that just says a lot about your character you know what I mean? If I was to go up in your house and I was to put my feet up on your couch and shit, you’re gonna be like “what are you doing?” Like respect my house, you wouldn’t do that at your mom’s house you know? Your mom would slap the shit out of you. Respect, you know what I mean?

You know what it comes down to? I got it tatt’d right here. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Treat other motherfuckers how you would want to be treated.

Last time I got one of my tattoos from you, your brother was starting to apprentice with you? But now it looks like he’s tattooing full-time and doing his own thing?

Yea yea, he works here with me. He’s still here.

Have you been able to take him under your wing and kinda show him what’s up?

Yea yea, I let him do his own thing. I’m here for him, I try to help him develop his craft as well. But at the end of the day it is up to someone personally to take the initiative and develop their skill, technique, and overall craft. I can only say so much. You know what I mean? I tell him like, “you literally have to get up and do the work. But if you have any questions along the way, I gotchu”.

Were there some struggles and difficulties you had to overcome to get to where you were? Or did everything flow pretty smooth for you because you feel like you took the right path?

I mean everything flowed pretty nicely for me and I am grateful for that, but of course there was trial & error periods and hardships. Just like everything, it has its politics. You are looked down upon at first because you have to start somewhere, you’re not good, or you’re not qualified. So you have to pay your dues for a little while.

Would you change anything?

Naw, I wouldn’t change shit. I’ve been so blessed to be where I’m at and to have gone through what I’ve gone through and still be here.

If you weren’t tattooing what do you think you would be doing?

*Deep exhale…. Stares off in the distance…  Honestly, I don’t really know. I don’t even really want to know. I’d hate to see an alternate reality where I could see myself without tattooing. Before tattooing I was just working at Stater Brothers and shit… you know? Just going nowhere fast.

What’s your future looking like? What are your plans? What do you have lined up? Traveling?

You know what, I used to travel so much. Honestly it’s really nice to not have any travel plans coming up. Knowing that I am just going to be home. I love traveling, I love all the places I’ve been to, I’m blessed to have been able to go there, but traveling is just so stressful. It’s a bitch and a half. So I’m content right now with just being here and doing my thing.

As far as like the long run, the future, I don’t really know. Where do I see myself in five years type thing, I don’t really know, I’d like to eventually have a more walk in type of shop environment instead of a private studio, hopefully, but only time will tell.

I imagine a lot people come from out of town to get work done from you?

Yea, the guy I tattoo’d yesterday was from Australia. People come from everywhere you know, Canada, Germany, Wherever you know? I had a guy come from Japan.

If they want to book an appointment, what’s the best way?

Just email me or go through the website.

alecrodrigueztattoo.com alecrodrigueztat2@gmail.com @alecrodrigueztattoo

Sources: Schwartz, E. (Director). (2013). Tattoo Nation [Video file]. United States: Visions Verite. Retrieved April 24, 2019, from https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2207870/

[theliterateape]

Harmless Experiment — A Terrible Serial Killer

by Erik Lewin

My mother had a great sense of humor. She appreciated funny movies, and she knew I loved them too. We’d go to the local theater sometimes. We didn’t have a lot of dough, my dad was an entrepreneur surviving week-to-week, but he still managed to buy my mom a sandy beige sports car. I think he knew what a pain in the ass he was to live with—that’s another story—so this was his tiny way of making amends.

My mom was a beauty. This was not my biased estimation, it was objective fact. She came from Israel as a little girl and her complexion was imbued with that light, dark sweetness. Her brown hair was long and very soft. She had high cheekbones too, so between all these traits, nobody could ever figure out where she was from. A true exotic. Most strikingly, her eyes were never accusing or threatening. They were innocent. Very smart too, and aware, which made their innocent quality all the more impressive. She chose to see the good in all things.

I have always had a thing for Chevy Chase movies. The weekend Spies Like Us opened, the one where he plays alongside Dan Aykroyd, was an absolute must see. The commercials looked hilarious and captivated my attention. I’d lay on the Berber carpet in our living room, propped up on two giant Persian pillows, and slide my little fingers over the channel switches on the black box remote. I kept clicking the different channels all day to catch another glimpse of the commercial with the Spies Like Us trailer. Naturally I was begging my mom to go to the theater, and it was an easy sell because she was into it too.

We jumped into the hot new car. My mom lit a cigarette, turned on the radio station WPLJ that played rock tunes–Bon Jovi’s Livin On a Prayer was released recently and came on–and we sang along to its rousing chorus. I rubbed my feet on the plush mat and didn’t even mind the cigarette smoke too much. When we got to the theater we discovered we weren’t the only ones excited about the movie–it sold out right after we got our tickets. They overbooked it, all the seats were taken, but we just sat on the floor in the back. We left in absolute stitches, joking about how we were about to pee ourselves during so many hilarious scenes in the movie.

Then I broke this piece of news to her: that I would need to purchase ten lab mice for a science fair experiment I was assigned to do with my friend, Sam. She groaned for a couple reasons–Sam and I couldn’t seem to stay out of trouble together–and mice? I assured her that Sam would actually give the mice, who were our test subjects and needed to be watched carefully–room and board at his parents’ house. I simply had to give him cash for the purchase, and after a little hesitation, mom forked it over for the mice, food and a cage.

Sam was one of my closest little buddies. We were kind of allies as inmates in a religious day school. We cracked jokes during daily services and passed notes during all our classes. The last time I slept over his place, we tossed huge water balloons at oncoming cars. We scored a direct hit on one Buick, the water splashing across the windshield, damn near causing the driver to crash right into a tree. He chased us back to Sam’s house. His mother caught us making this fast escape, and we giggled while the man barked that his life was almost cut short by a couple dumb kids.

We were also pretty poor students. In my case, I was severely challenged in math and science. It didn’t interest me, other than whether Lysol spray could actually make a fart catch fire. We had this total hot, bitchy lady for a science teacher. She was short with her students, always admonishing us to hand in our outstanding assignments.

The big thing was the science fair. It was a major part of the year’s grade, but more than that, it required an idea, a scientific experiment of some sort to actually do and then present to the school. You were allowed a partner. Sam and I teamed up and one day we hung around his place with his stepfather, Rick, who was in construction. We came up with this idea we thought would be so cool – Rick could help us build a maze out of wood and we could run mice through it. As stupid as that sounds, we took it to another level when we added the necessary ‘scientific experiment’ twist–we would split lab mice into two groups. One group would subsist on their usual diet, while we’d ply the other with drugs, then set both loose to see which performed better. In other words, how would a massive, continual injection of sugar affect the animals’ ability to negotiate the maze. The other test group would be cared for in the ‘normal’ fashion, as in, not torturing and slowly killing them. It was a fantastically idiotic idea that we set to work on with great relish. Rick helped us with the materials and the building of the maze, and we agreed that Sam would house them.

This plan worked… for a while. I’d go to Sam’s to work on our plan that violated every letter of the animal cruelty law. We named each mouse after a part of the name of our hero, New York Yankee Don Mattingly, whose name is forever tarnished. We gassed up half the mice with a dropper full of liquid sugar and got them crazy wired. We had to constantly adjust the dosage because at first, they were too overloaded and were climbing the walls of the maze, not trying to run through it. Meanwhile, the well-nourished group was struggling to escape, but were coming quite close. Turns out a diet of food and water is quite conducive to optimum performance.

All of this was working, actually–we recorded our observations in a notebook by each individual mouse and monitored their progress. It looked like we’d be okay. Then I got a phone call from Sam that his family had to go out of town for the weekend, unexpectedly, and asked if I could take the mice and keep them at my place.

I knew my mom wouldn’t be too thrilled but hey, it was for school, and they’d just be in the cage. I took the mice off Sam’s hands and left them in my room so my parents wouldn’t be reminded they now ran a rodent rescue. After I came back from school, it was time to avoid doing any homework, and go shoot some hoops in the playground. Sam called to check in and I assured him the mice were all fine, feeding away and rustling around in the cage. They were my test subjects and while I wouldn’t exactly call them cute, I was impressed with myself for having a real experiment in progress. I’d even begun to grow fond of the little guys.

When I came back from the playground, sweaty and hungry, I ducked into my room and undressed for the shower. It was eerily quiet. No rustling. The cage was empty! Nerves prickled my neck and arms. Holy shit… holy shit, I kept repeating in my puberty addled brain, investigating the cage for any magician’s trap door they may have slipped into, just having a little fun with Erik, when the cat’s away the mice will play, right?

They weren’t under the bed. They weren’t making a sound. Where the hell had seven lab mice gone? Then I heard bumping noises behind my dresser, which was long and wide and pushed up against the wall. I stuck my head in the crack and saw a couple of those suckers running back and forth along its length. We had trained them well. Then I heard the radiator clang. I got down on all fours and craned my neck under the bottom of the it, and sure enough, there was a hole in the wall! How many of our prize mice had made a daring POW escape to my neighbo’s apartment? It then occurred to me that the door to my room was open the whole time I’d been at the playground. The rest of them must be loose everywhere—

There were no options. I had to bring my mother into this. Better she know now, than to open a cupboard in the kitchen and have a mouse fly out of it. 

         “Uh, mom, you’re not gonna like this.”

         “You playing ball before homework? Not really. Get in the shower and get ready for dinner. No games, phone or TV. Do your homework.” She was busy in the dinette, with bills and papers spread out in piles under the warm yellow light. She dragged from a smoke and waved me away. 

         “But mom, you don’t understand.”

         “I understand fully well, young man, you weren’t suppo—”

         A tiny face with whiskers stuck its head out from under her papers.

         “Ahhhhhh!!!” She leapt from the chair.

         The little guy squeaked and ran around the table.

         “That’s what I was trying to tell you!” I laughed. “They’re out! They got outta the cage in a wild bid for freedom!” 

         “We have to catch them before your father comes home,” she said, the anger leaving her eyes in favor of its usual softness. She smiled. “Were there other sightings?”

         “My bedroom–the scene of the crime–I’ll show you.”

 After my mom surveyed the challenge facing us behind the dresser, and the hole in the radiator, she said: “We can’t have these guys getting a free ride, staying here like this and not paying any rent.” We giggled. “As far as the hole in the radiator, I think Mrs. Silvestry will finally have some of the company she’s always wanted.”

         “You’re not worried about the mice spreading around the building?” I asked.

         “What mice?” My mom said, crossing her arms. “Get dressed, we need to go to the pet store.”

 I threw my dirty clothes back on and we jumped in the car. We were at a pet shop next to my mom’s bank in five minutes flat. She instructed me to go in and procure traps–it was my mess and I needed to figure out how to clean it up.

         “What if we can’t round them all up? Should I get new mice?”

         “Not if you still want to live here.”

         “Ok, I’m going.” What the hell was Sam gonna say when I told him about the great escape?

         “Welcome to Pet land,” I heard when I walked in. I’d never had so much as a hamster, so this animal kingdom was totally foreign to me. Huge fish tanks, colorful birds squawking, reptiles, and the strange intermingled smells of different creatures surrounded me. I went to the front counter where the man had greeted me. He was in his late teens, mullet haircut, flannel cutoff at the arms, thin scruff under his chin. He had a look in his eyes like he could tell you exactly what it said when you played Ozzy Osbourne records backwards.

         “I need help. I’ve got a bunch of lab mice loose in my house.”

         “Alright, gotcha. So you need traps. Aisle three.”

         “Maybe you could… uh, do the traps keep them alive and unharmed? How does it work, I’ve never hunted an animal before.”

He spit out hubba bubba gum into his hand and tossed it in the trash.

         “You running a shelter? You set the traps and that’s that, they’re in there. Can’t get out. Our bestseller is the glue trap, they won’t get outta that, trust me. I’ll show you, this way.”

I was mortified. Back in the car I showed my mom the pile of glue traps we now had at our disposal. She nodded approvingly. We went back into my room and the kitchen and living room and set up all the traps like we were on some kind of commando mission. Apparently there was a substance on the surface of the glue that attracted the poor buggers to the trap. The good news was the traps worked. That was also the bad news because the actual glue doesn’t poison the mouse, but simply holds it in place while it thrashes about in a futile effort to free itself.

         “Your father will be home soon. You have to take care of it.”

         “How?”

         “Consider this part of the experiment.”

And so I went about the grim business of being the hatchet man for these mice. My sugar riddled mice, whom I’d actually grown fond of, were now in the hands of a monster. Because when each guy was on the glue trap, looking at me with its furtive, desperate eyes, I slid him down an incinerator shoot.

         “Mom, the good news is I’d make an awful serial killer,” I said, tears wetting my cheeks.

         “My poor baby,” she said, hugging me. “And you’ll never be a scientist. But, with these kinds of misadventures, you’ll tell some good stories, just like in our funny movies.”

BUY the BOOK

[rolandfontana]

The Superpredator Myth: It’s Still Alive Behind Bars

There is a strange parallel between the history of the so-called “superpredator” and the conception of “dope fiends.”

Not too long ago, “superpredator” became the favored word of some criminologists to describe the emergence of what was considered a dangerous threat to public safety in the U.S. A ruthless criminal concealed within the body of an adolescent male, he was often black, and his habitat was the inner city.

Violent criminal conduct was a unique, and terrifying, behavioral characteristic of these young beasts. When captured, the mantra “Adult Time for Adult Crime” supported sentencing them as if they were just as culpable as their fully matured counterparts.

Similarly, a much older phrase, “dope fiend” came back into use to describe those superpredators immersed in the world of illicit drugs. The stereotype was just as brutal: He (usually a he) was conceived to be a hedonistic, nihilistic hybrid, usually having dark skin, who sometimes spoke with a Hispanic accent.

Committing crimes to support his narcotic addition was a favorite pastime. And just as in the case of violent superpredators, he was the target of the “tough on crime” policies that sent so many young black men to prison in the 1980s and 1990s for long stretches of confinement.

Fast forward to 2019.

Now, there’s a broad consensus among criminologists that the so-called superpredator is better understood as a youth whose crimes more often than not reflect transient immaturity rather than irreparable corruption, and whose skin complexions encompass the color spectrum. The U.S. Supreme Court and last year, the Washington State Supreme Court, relied upon the attendant neurodevelopmental research findings to invalidate some of the harshest penalties for the kinds of juvenile offenders once written off as unreformable superpredators.

Even heinous crimes committed by young people are now viewed through a prism that mitigates their culpability.

I was once in the superpredator category myself. I received a life-without-parole sentence for my involvement in a murder at age 14—a crime that I have regretted ever since.

But the courts’ new approach gave me—and many others in similar situations—a path for hope. My sentence was amended retroactively, and I was given an opportunity to be freed. I received mercy.

But the stereotyped “dope fiend” version of the superpredator still stunts the lives of thousands of inmates in U.S. prisons today who were sentenced for crimes committed when they were young—despite a growing body of research that has made that version anachronistic.

For one thing, opioid addiction is no longer, sadly confined, to the poor young person of color.

We all realize that the opioid epidemic in America has destroyed the lives of soccer moms and rural white teenagers just as much as it has youths in the inner city.

The broad consensus that dealing with this crisis requires a public health approach rather than criminal justice machinery has spread to policymakers at federal, state and local levels.

But not to prisons.

All too often, these ameliorative approaches are only being implemented at the front end of the criminal justice system. Unlike former superpredators such as myself, mercy has yet to be applied retroactively to the sentences of opioid addicts imprisoned while they were young. Their lives are untouched by the contemporary recognition that their crimes were not simply a product of free will, opportunity and a rational calculus.

The case of Corey Irish provides one illustration of why such former drug “superpredators” should receive relief—notwithstanding the fact that their crimes occurred long before overdosed bodies began to pile up in refrigerator trucks from West Virginia to Ohio.

Drugstore Robbery

Late in the evening of April 23, 2007, in Tacoma, Wash., Daniel Garibay was just about to turn away from the customer he finished serving through the drive‑through window at Walgreen’s pharmacy when he heard a loud thump on the floor behind him.

He would never forget the sound.

“I mean, I’d never heard something like that,” he testified, according to trial transcripts.

The sound was Corey Irish landing on the floor after he leapt over the counter. The young man immediately began demanding drugs by their generic and non-generic names.

“When he first jumped in, at first he asked for Percocet, Oxycodone, and Vicodin…then it seemed like he just wanted anything,” Garibay told the jury during Irish’s trial in Pierce County Superior Court.

He was stunned when Irish pulled out two trash bags and told Garibay to fill them up. According to Garibay, “They looked like forceflex bags. He told me which drugs he wanted, and then he asked me to put them in the bags after I opened the cabinet.”

Meanwhile, Irish’s accomplice, who stood guard over the other two employees after flashing a gun in his waist line and corralling them into the stockroom, kept apologizing.

“I’m sorry I have to do this, you know…Just be quiet,” Jeanelle O’Dell recounted the accomplice saying as he made her kneel on the floor.

‘He kept apologizing for what he was doing’

Mike Staten also recalled, “He kept apologizing for what he was doing, saying he wanted to be in and out.”

Back in the pharmacy, Garibay had moved on to filling up a third garbage bag that Irish made him get after the two that Irish brought with him were filled to capacity. Ten minutes elapsed from the loud thump Irish made when he landed behind the counter to when he finally lifted the bags filled with childproof bottles, summoned his accomplice from the stockroom, and began to leave with his haul of prescription narcotics.

The police arrived before the men escaped from the scene. Irish was arrested with the bags of OxyContin, Percocet, Valium and Vicodin, and everything in between. His accomplice fled empty-handed and was never apprehended by the police.

During the closing arguments of Irish’s trial, Sunni Ko, the deputy prosecuting attorney, rhetorically asked the jury, “Ladies and gentlemen, again, what do you think he was going to do with three bags of drugs? Do you think that he was going to keep them in his room and have it for personal use for the rest of his life?”

The notion that an addiction to prescription medication was powerful enough to make anyone do such a thing stretched belief. His intent was obviously to distribute the pills for profit, Ko argued to the jury.

The jury agreed.

At sentencing, Irish, who met the DSM-IV-TR criteria for opioid dependency, explained to the judge, “We wasn’t trying to hurt anybody. We just wanted some pills. And besides…I do pop pills, constantly. That’s why—not making excuses on any of that—but I mean, I do have a problem.

“Whether it was one bottle or 100 bottles I took, it was going to be a robbery anyway, so I mean, a thousand apologies, especially to the victims.”

His mother, a high school teacher, told the judge how she had tried to convince her son to get treatment before the crime occurred. His aunt, an assistant mayor, also implored the court, writing, “Corey needs the opportunity to enter a program where he can receive help for the drug problem and counseling to get to the root of his problems.”

The judge empathized with Irish’s family, but she had no sympathy for Irish.

He was sentenced to spend the next quarter century in the care of the Washington Department of Corrections—a prison term that exceeds the minimum sentence a defendant would serve for committing premeditated murder.

The Paradigm Shift

Criminal justice officials in Ohio probably would not be surprised upon hearing that someone tried to steal garbage bags filled with prescription pills from a pharmacy in a robbery. There, the opioid epidemic is so devastating that the foster care system has been overwhelmed by children who have become the detritus of addicted parents.

Tom Synan, Newtown Ohio’s Police Chief, has come to believe that addiction should no longer be considered a crime.

“It took 70,000 people to die before society shifted its opinion on opioid addiction,” he observed during a symposium sponsored by The Washington Post, headlined Addiction in America, The New War on Drugs.

Experts on substance use disorders who have tracked the etiology of opioid addiction would also see a familiar theme with respect to how Irish went from being a supervisor at a fabrication company to the perpetrator of a drug store robbery.

After suffering a back injury in 2006, he was prescribed OxyContin during a period when pharmaceutical companies where downplaying its addictive properties, financial incentives led doctors to over-prescribe opioid pain medications, and the naive failed to perceive the signs of misuse and abuse going on around them because addicts did not fit the stereotypical image of a dope fiend.

They resided in the heartland.

They worked and went to church on Sundays.

They weren’t dark-skinned and had no accent.

During the 12 years that have elapsed since Irish was confined, legions of young men and women went from pilfering their parents’ pills when they were teenagers and snorting them with friends to shooting heroin. Nurses have lost their jobs for stealing narcotics from their elderly patients. Countless men and women have lost custody of their children.

Let us pause for a moment to reflect on the crack epidemic, the policies it generated, and the character attacks on the addicts. Whether America learned from these mistakes or the socio-demographic and white complexion of many contemporary opioid addicts brought enlightenment with respect to this latest drug epidemic, I can only guess.

In any case, the criminal justice system is already bursting at the seams due to mass incarceration. It therefore comes as no surprise to me that officials have lost the appetite to use demonization and imprisonment as expedients for dealing with the opioid epidemic—especially since the problem exists within their own communities.

I can imagine policymakers deliberating about establishing drug courts, implementing diversion programs, and funding more treatment centers now that a drug epidemic is not confined to the inner city.

“These people need help. They have a disease. We can’t just lock them up and throw away the key,” I can hear them saying.

Left Out

But those still confined before these sentiments affected the criminal justice system are seemingly left out of such discussions.

Recall that retribution was warranted because it was believed that these people were driven solely by their criminogenic needs. Their addictions, in and of itself, manifested they had little interest in being a part of law-abiding society.

But that was the past. The scientific consensus that opioid addiction is a disease undermines the deterrent and retributive purposes of punishment in these cases, leaving only incapacitation for rehabilitation.

Regardless, those confined before this paradigm shift have got nothing coming. Far too many of them present unsympathetic images due to their current convictions and dark skin complexions.

But make no mistake about it: If 10,000 soccer moms were languishing in prison for pulling capers to obtain prescription pain medication, lawyers would be battling to get them executive clemency or, alternatively, judicial relief based on arguments that these new socio-medical findings satisfy the legal standard for newly discovered evidence and warrant resentencing hearings to present mitigating factors in support of reducing their prison sentences.

Jeremiah Bourgeois

That said, it remains a mystery how many years will pass before policymakers provide relief to those locked away in penitentiaries because their disease drove them to commit crimes to secure more—and more—prescription pain medication.

Until then, Corey Irish will continue serving out a sentence that exceeds the minimum term that is imposed on those who commit premeditated murder.

Jeremiah Bourgeois is a regular contributor to The Crime Report, and a recent graduate of Adams State University, where he earned an interdisciplinary degree in criminology and legal studies. Since 1992, he has been confined in Washington State for crimes that he committed at age fourteen. He is currently petitioning for release. Readers who wish to support him are invited to sign up here. He welcomes comments.

The Superpredator Myth: It’s Still Alive Behind Bars syndicated from https://immigrationattorneyto.wordpress.com/

[kayleenunley-blog]

Why My Ex-Boyfriend Will Always Be My Best Friend

One of my biggest pet-peeves about going to a small school, and being seen with Trevor is the famous line, ‘’You two would be a cute couple’’. The thing about that is: we were. 

When I moved schools, Trevor was the first boy to catch my eye. I remember talking to his friend and asking if they were together because they were close to each other. She replied, ‘’No. Do you want me to get you guys together?’’ I couldn’t believe that those words just left her mouth! Of course I wanted Trevor to be my boyfriend. I was 11 years old, and I wanted a boyfriend. The last time I had an actual boyfriend was in the third grade with a boy named Kasey. Our relationship hit the rocks after a long three hours together. Trevor’s friend introduced us, and we started to all eat lunch together. It turns out that Trevor and I shared a lot of interests. He loved to sing and was in choir with me, he also liked to ride four wheelers, (which was a huge hobby of mine when I was younger). Soon enough, Trevor and I were dating. I was so exited to have a boyfriend, and I couldn’t imagine it any other way. After a few weeks, Trevor and I didn’t act like a couple anymore. He didn’t sneak away from the choir two minutes early to hug me and tell me that he loved me before he got on the bus as much as he used to. He didn’t want to be my partner on field trips anymore. I was hurt; Trevor wasn’t my boyfriend anymore. Being an 11 year old girl with hormones running wild, I didn’t know how to control my emotions. I was mad, and I wanted to make Trevor madder than me. One day at lunch, I was sitting next to Trevor’s friend, Brad. I leaned over, and whispered in Brad’s ear, ‘’Trevor has a man-gina. Pass it down.’’ I did it. Trevor was about to be so mad, and was going to take me back to avoid the drama. Little did I know that this plan was going to backfire. 

We returned to our suite after lunch and Trevor had a sad look on his face. He looked like he was about to cry. I knew I messed up the minute I laid eyes on him. ‘’We have two teachers and a guidance counselor I can talk to,’’ he said. Great. Now I was in real trouble. One of our teachers called me, Trevor, and his friend that introduced us to the back of the room while everyone else went outside. I was questioned about what happened at lunch and I denied it. Long story short, his friend told on me and I was in serious trouble. The girl and I were no longer friends, and I ended up with ISS for the next three days. Although his feelings were hurt, he forgave me, and we were friends again. Before I knew it, Trevor and I were boyfriend and girlfriend again. This time Trevor acted more like my boyfriend. He held my hand, he hugged me and told me he loved me everyday before he left, and he was even my partner on field trips again. I remember going on a field trip to our county jail. That day I decided to wear a flannel and some jeans. At that time, I thought that was my best outfit and I could never outdo myself on that one. He told me that if any of the inmates tried to flirt with me he was going to beat them up, and I held that to him. 

Trevor and I were off and on all throughout middle school. We may have tried to date again once as freshmen, but again it didn’t work out. This is when we started to become close. I wasn’t invited to many outings with Trevor and our group of friends mostly because his mom didn’t like me because of the man-gina incident. Even though we weren’t close outside of school, we were always hip and hip at school. Trevor knew everything about me, and all of my deepest, darkest secrets. He was really my best friend.

Trevor and I became closer and closer the older we grew. I loved Trevor, but I never loved him more than a friend. Our Junior year of high school, Trevor and became even closer than we were before. Yet, I let my pettiness and my jealousy consume that friendship. I wanted Trevor all to myself. We didn’t speak for a couple of weeks. Even though I missed him, I wasn’t going to lose my pride and apologize. I would walk past Trevor in the hallway and see him hugged up with other girls, and it made me sick to my stomach. Once upon a time, that was me under his arm. Everyday that I went to school, I made myself miserable because I was prideful. 

Soon enough, Trevor came back around to me even though I made it a living hell for him. I’d get snappy with him, back talk him, sometimes not even speak to him. Yet, Trevor still wanted to be around me. Trevor and I became close again. 

I am so thankful to call him my best friend. He is one of the few who has stuck around, and dealt with me even though he has had every right and reason to walk away from me. I am forever grateful for that. Trevor knows me better than anyone else, and I wouldn’t want another soul to know the things he knows about me. 

My lesson behind this story is to never let your pride take away good things from you. If Trevor wasn’t the person he is, who knows if he would still even look my way. Even though things don’t go your way, you shouldn’t flip out and ruin something so big over something so little. 

I love you Remington Trevor Scott Darago. Thank you for pushing me to be my very best. 

[littlcdeath]

//Another post about the alters, with some we were missing. This one was made by Becky like a year ago, and it’s definitely funnier than mine. Doesn’t include me because I hadn’t been out yet.

Ok, since Fae promised yesterday, here’s a general list of the people inhabiting this head. I’ll specify who age-slides, and what ages we can be when we do. I’ll actually try to specify what age everyone is. Be warned that we are well above 50, although not everyone’s active at once. I’m sorry if this is confusing. Hope the list helps • Fae- Actual owner of the body. Has not been fully “herself” since she was like 6 (when Harl got here). Always co-cons with someone because she can’t stand being out alone. Doesn’t know or care what we do with her life. Terrified of people. Has left us alone for extended periods of time. If you think you’ve talked to her, there’s a 99% chance it was actually Claire, Amanda, or me. Actually a very sweet kid, but very hurt. Will go to the end of the world for her friends. Can hold a grudge like nobody’s business. Paints herself as a bitch but is a softie. Her mom cannot tell the difference between her and me. Diabetic, to Nidia’s displeasure. Closet Gryffindor turned Slytherin in order to survive.

• Amanda – Our system’s “guard dog”/Head Bitch in Charge. Much more complicated than that. The real author of Fae’s thigh scars (barely visible now), and maybe the only reason she made it through high school. The little voice that says “kill everyone and blame it on me”. Zero concern for consequences for herself. Impulse control consists on “Jail is awful and Fae doesn’t deserve it”. She’s over 30.

• Lisbeth (Sally)- Just…Sally. The other voice that wants to kill everyone but doesn’t because she actually thinks about the consequences of her actions. Max is technically her partner, but we don’t talk about that (you can ask). I think she’s 30-something, but might as well be Fae’s age.

• Claire- Possibly Fae’s projection of herself into different universes. She can be 6, 17, 24 and 35. Last name Constantine. From Liverpool. Awful accent. Please don’t call her Australian. Another closer Gryffindor turned Slytherin. Most of Fae’s friends are actually hers. Has been Fae for longer than Fae has been Fae. Likes soccer and we’re sorry. Punk. Hella Punk. Also hella broke.

• Mara- Claire’s sister (maybe twin). Stay away from her (possibly the sexual alter, can be the same ages as Claire) Responsible for most of Fae’s awful dating decisions.

• Valentina- Rarely comes out, but she’s apparently God? We don’t know. Seems like she knows everyone, though. She always looks 20-something, but we know she’s older.

• Nidia- Claire’s daughter and the pure incarnation of Fae’s ADHD. A Jedi. Weirdest kid EVER. Super compassionate. Wears heart on her sleeve. Can be 5, 9, 16 and 21. Impulse control is 100% artificial, but existent. Can, like Amanda, drink up to 3 cans of Monster Energy Drink in a row without batting a lash. Will eat ALL THE CANDY. The reason we need to carry an extra insulin syringe with us most of the time. Pours fun dip and sweetarts into her drinks. The kind of kid child leashes were invented for.

• Hellena- Mara’s daughter. STAY AWAY. Evil incarnate. Abusive A.F. Can and will destroy you. In her 20’s

• Christine- Hell’s identical twin. Remember that girl in Mean Girls who wants to bake a cake out of sunshine and rainbows and smiles? Christine is that cake. Rarely out. Same age as Hell

• Evey- Hell and Chris’ big sister. That one kid with the pink hair and lots of tattoos. Zero impulse control. Always looks like a teenager for some reason (not over 25)

• Vlad- Agender/Genderqueer mystical creature of the forest. Valentina’s child. Awesome person in general. Permanently 17.

• Harley- Yup. THAT Harley. You know the drill. She’s actually the one who makes all the fun plans because she’s the one who has the energy for it. Gets along with everyone until she doesn’t. Can drink us all under the table. Can drink you under the table. Has been Fae for longer than Claire has been Fae. Was the first one here, so she has tattoo privileges. And dating privileges. And everything privileges, basically. If I say how old she is, I may not live to see another day. Fae’s real mum. Will take you to Petco on exam week to pet puppies. Will yell “doge!” out loud. Pets every dog. Will steal Teddy from Max.

• Edward- Mr. Nigma, sir. Somehow has better makeup skills than all the girls here combined. If his attitude was as nice as his eyebrows, he’d rule the world by now. EVERYTHING HAS QUESTION MAKRS. Knows more than anyone. Is actually a genius. Wastes his time trying to school the little ones (and trying to get Naya to use proper words). Smug bastard. Probs 40-something.

• Cass- Also from comics. EVERYTHING IS YELLOW (yiyo). Doesn’t talk much, but is always fun to have around. Will make you watch animated movies and take you to Starbucks. Will also make you work out. Can be 5, 9, 18 and 25. Smol Cass is a fan of pokemon. If it’s yellow, it belongs to her. • Naya- Cass’ child. Has her own language, featuring words like “kaijukata”, “pakato”, and “omashii” (“Kaiju attack”, an insult of her own invention, and her word for “mother”.) There are no sidewalks, only pedestrian lanes. Biggest Kaiju Enthusiast. Wants to be Mako Mori.

• M.J.- Has been here for as long as Harley has. Isn’t around as much. The difference between her and Claire is that you can actually understand what MJ says when she gets mad. Probs 25 forever.

• Danni- Amanda’s daughter. Will also fuck you up. Has the weirdest kinks. 23

• Miranda- Danni’s daughter. Don’t ask. Also a sexual alter. 21

• Martha- Miranda’s sister. Level-headed. A psychiatrist. 21. Actual most mature person in this head, along with Tári.

• Alice- Nidia’s daughter. Also a psychiatrist. Likes psychoanalyzing people. Type 1 bipolar. Thinks all Arkham inmates are humans and wants to help. Will probably end up as an Arkham Inmate herself. Age slides. Toddler Alice is the devil. Can be 5, 9, and 21

• Alyssa- Mara’s best friend. Take Alice out of wonderland and teach her ballet, then add a sprinkle of Luna Lovegood. Permanently 17-ish. • Robin- Alice’s little sister. Wants to be Carrie Kelly when she grows up. Terrified of squirrels. Can be 5 and 18.

• Tári- Alice and Robin’s eldest sister. Asperger’s. Genius extraordinaire. Loves to talk to Eddie. Often one of them leaves the conversation feeling stupid (it isn’t Tári). Loves Legos. REALLY LOVES LEGOS. Forensic Anthropologist/wants to be Bones when she grows up. Vegetarian. Can be 12/21.

• Frances- Harley’s kid. Don’t ask, this was super weird. Frances herself is super weird. She hears voices. The voices tell her to do things. She rarely listens. Actually super polite. Has “opal” hair. 18-20. We don’t really know. If we’re gonna have a sub-system, it will probably be because of Frankie.

• Shilo- Shilo Wallace. Infected by her genetics. Her nightmares are the worse. Once made Amanda and sally fight over a pair of combat boots just so she could get to keep them. Probably my best friend in here.

• Bellatrix- That one got here on her own. Over 50. Still looks great.

• Cassiopeia- Bella’s biggest mistake. Best teacher ever. Resident hipster chick. Looks like Zoey Deschanel. Is actually here to keep a little group of alters from causing too much mayhem. 23.

• Ascella- Lesbian extraordinaire. Sees dead people. I’m not even kidding. Permanently 23.

• Jamie M.- Another one who got here on her own. Our self confidence boosts and power trips. Will maybe kill someone. Better than you and is not afraid to let you know. Fae’s teachers were terrified of her. Everyone’s terrified of her; I don’t know who we think we’re kidding. 32.

• Lestat- Fae’s gay vampire boyfriend. Is rarely around anymore. Probably for the best. 260-ish years old. Prick.

And I’m missing a lot of others, but I’ll now introduce myself.

I really don’t want to say my name, because…well, I’m still not used to all this. I’ve been here for a little less than a year. Got here to protect Fae from a possibly harmful relationship. Did not work. Voted “Mom Alter” by the little ones (and some of the grown-ups). Apparently, too much like the kid. They call me “morbid” for some reason (not my fault everyone here is super fainthearted). Always cold and always in pain. I also age-slide and kind of don’t like it. 20-25. If we cancel plans, it’s most likely my fault and I’m sorry.

So yeah. This would be the general list of people you may encounter here. As I said, I may be missing some, but they’re either rarely active or not here for the time being. Feel free to talk to any of us at any moment, or ask to talk to anyone if you’d like. We have some degree of control over who’s out, so…yeah. And we’re always happy to meet new people. Well, some of us.

Anyway, that’d be all for now. Thanks for reading, and I hope this isn’t –too- weird.