#my mom did also have an LJ account

[a-queer-little-wombat]

I just saw this in the tags of a post and felt my body crumble into dust and blow away:

Yes, I am an old.

[specialagentartemis]

thinking more about @thetransfemininereview's Trans Microlibrary Project.

It's a good idea, an important idea. TBH microlibrary preservation projects seem like a good idea in general. My mom used to warn me about internet safety, “The internet is written in ink”—that once you put something on the Internet, you can never fully remove it. But the tragic problem is, that’s only true of the stuff you don’t want spreading—the stuff you actually want to preserve is so ephemeral it can disappear without a trace, and you can never get it back again. Jamie Berrout's work is an eternal preservation difficulty this way. A few years ago, a Metal Gear fanfiction author on Livejornal I loved deleted her LJ account and all her foundational Metal Gear fanfic was just—gone. I go and reread some important blog posts about asexual history and link rot has already set in. The Internet Archive did something phenomenally stupid and as a result faces a credible threat to its continued existence.  Personal offline archives of internet-native work seem more important now than ever.

I believe wholeheartedly in the Trans Microlibrary Project and I certainly have PDF copies of several trans books that it is hard-to-impossible to get anymore (Jamie Berrout’s work, primarily, but also one of Xemiyulu Tapepechul’s poetry chapbooks) and other indie trans fiction that who knows how long the content hosters will allow in this skittish political climate (Gillian Ybabez’s flash fiction and various works by the Trans Women Writers’ Collective/River Furnace), so I’m thinking about buying a handful of flash drives and making my own personal preservation projects:

Contribute to the decentralized Trans Microlibrary Project as described in this post (and this will be an inspiration to read M. Kirin’s book Memory Leak, which a recent review piqued my interest in. Itch.io is a very under-recommended venue for indie queer books!) I'm particularly interested in sci-fi, fantasy, horror, and related genre fiction.

An Ace & Aro archive—so much of the important ace writing is on blogs and in zines, and with Matt Mullenwig beefing with Wordpress, I don’t know how stable Wordpress-based blogs will continue to be. Thinking about trying to download PDF copies of the entire Asexual Agenda. I also have several self-pub ace and aro books that are… at best okay tbh. But worth preserving as well. 

Fanfiction. Wanting to have the stuff I like on hand and safe—not even from government censorship or hosting problems necessarily but from all the things that inspire people to delete their fics and their accounts and their blogs. I’ve been burned by Athena Crikey deleting her LJ after years of inactivity and I don’t want to lose so much work I’ve enjoyed over the years.

More projects than that would probably prevent me from doing anything at all lol. But this offline preservation work of internet material is something I have a renewed interest in actually doing.

What do you think is worth preserving?

[saltymcsaltything]

Today would have been my mom's 79th birthday. I miss her so much. I never had a chance to talk to her about my gender or my Autism/ADHD diagnosis because I didn't realize or even allow myself to learn about either until after she was gone.

Her death was one of the main catalysts that led to my diagnosis and self discovery, because it was so traumatic losing someone I loved so much and who always made me feel safe. With her death I no longer had my refuge - losing my Dad three days after her birthday 21 years ago when I was still trying to find my way in the world rocked me and I did not process it well. I still have nightmares about it. Losing Mom was even more devastating - not because we were closer (we were, but only because I didn't have much time with Dad as an adult), but because losing her was losing them both forever. In a way, it felt like they were both still there as long as she was alive. She was my link to him and his life.

I miss her so much it physically hurts. I still catch myself thinking that I should call her or send her an email. This year, what is always a bad week has been especially bad, because she would have been the person I would have gone to in order to help me process some of the rage I am struggling with over the violence I witness against people I care about - and this isn't just about what's going on here. Being involved in workplace advocacy IRL has meant bearing witness to abuse by those in power and watching kind, dedicated people suffer at the hands of people who are never held accountable. Being directly abused by management and coworkers, physically, emotionally and sexually, and enduring the same from classmates and teachers, is why I have PTSD. Seeing violence against adults in IRL and online spaces where we once felt safe is infuriating and triggering, but seeing violence against children here and abroad is almost too much to bear.

Mom and Dad were both violently abused and did everything they could to protect my brothers and I from what they endured. They fought for us against bullying that teachers and administrators ignored, and they fought against abusive teachers. My parents were the safe place for family and friends when they fled abusive relationships and parents. And when Mom dipped a toe online on LiveJournal and saw abusers and bigots brazenly posting about horrible things they had done, and even worse whining about facing the tiniest bit of accountability, she went ballistic. When she picked apart abusers on LJ, she did so in a way that was as well argued, fact-based and unassailingly meticulous with receipts as it was venomous. I don't know how she managed to pull it off - I don't have the way with words or the ability to laser focus my anger the way she did.

The largest part of me just wants to be safe in a community of people who understand me again, but there is a part of me that feels that will never happen and wants to inflict as much pain on those responsible as possible. I try very hard not to be vindictive and aggressive, but I was also taught that if I am ever forced to fight for my own safety, that honor and restraint are lies made up by abusers to keep their victims under control. I want to bite throats and gouge eyeballs because my mind and body are screaming that it's the only way it will ever stop.

I couldn't always fight back. I freeze and falter. I did not have the same strength that my parents had. I wish I could channel that. I wish I could summon their spirits and curse the bullies, abusers, oppressors and murderers of this world with getting verbally eviscerated and physically demolished by the ghosts of my parents for the rest of their miserably short existence. I wish I could summon the white hot blowtorch of their protective rage.

I want to watch them burn it all down, every system of oppression, every monster, every warmonger, every abuser, every rapist, every predator and every enabler.

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Sophia Jirafe

Seven of Sophia Jirafe’s fics are at Gossamer, but more of her X-Files stories are at AO3 (as sophiahelix). I’ve recced some of my favorites of her stories here before, including Stones and Bones. She was active in the fandom during the show’s run and has never strayed far from fandom in general. She co-founded Glass Onion, a great multi-fandom mailing list that now has nearly 1,000 fics from 100 fandoms at AO3. Big thanks to Sophia Jirafe for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

It did initially, but so many old shows are on streaming now and getting discovered by new people, it makes sense.

I did get a comment from someone who said my first story under this name, posted in early 2000 when I was a college freshman, was older than her by a couple of months, and THAT took me aback.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

It was my first fandom, discovered when I was 17 and searching for info about the show on the school library computer, and it really shaped my whole life! I met a lot of people I still know today (mostly in non-fannish venues like FB, though I do still have some connections in fandom), and learned a lot about writing and just life generally, since I was younger than most of fandom at the time.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

I started off on a tiny forum at a website called Squirrel’s Nest, but I kept seeing people thanking Scullyfic in fic headers and eventually I was able to join the mailing list (which was capped to 500 members). Scullyfic was everything to me — I made friends, betas, discussed the show, learned about all kinds of things on Off-Topic Fridays, etc. A lot of those friends, I would email with or more often chat on AIM (individual or these sprawling group chats that would go on all day), and then at the end of 2001 we started migrating to Livejournal. I was getting into Buffy more by then, but it was still mostly the same crowd of people I knew from Scullyfic.

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

I feel like it started me on a whole life path really — finding that my deep obsession with fiction could be channeled like that and shared with other people, as well as deepening my writing. Online fandom has been a major part of my social life for over 20 years now, and I love the mix of getting excited about things with friends and also the creative outlet.

My corner of X-Files fandom in particular was just very calm and enjoyable for the most part, full of older professional women who were happy to be friends and give me advice about all kinds of things, and it really set the bar for me with my online interactions. Now I’m almost 40 and trying to be that person for my younger friends, as well as having no patience for toxicity and in-fighting in my fandom spaces.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

A combination of the creepy conspiracy angle and just adoring Scully. I remember how mysterious and fascinating the show seemed when I discovered it right before S5, and there was no way to find out more except to keep watching and hoping they explained. Scully was so smart and tough and beautiful and interesting, and as a teen I was just captivated by her (and the UST, though I didn’t care about Mulder as much).

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

I ran across it a couple times early on but felt embarrassed by the concept, but then I read the first in Karen Rasch’s Words series and suddenly it clicked for me. After a while I started daydreaming my own conversations between them, very similar to what happens to me now when I’m getting into a new pairing, so after reading tons of recommended fic by big authors, I started writing my own (the 3-4 stories I posted in high school are all wiped from the internet now, though).

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

Good memories, though because it was my senior year of high school and college, I know a lot of it is just tied to that time in my life, and also being in my very first fandom. I will rewatch episodes from time to time, but I basically never revisit former fandoms because they’re kind of like exes, even if I finished on a good note. I also think my taste in fic has changed (and there isn’t the same novelty of “characters I like getting together omg!”)

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

So many! None of them had quite the same combination of excellent central architecture (especially pre-AO3) and a really high level of discussion and friendliness without being enormous, but I’ve loved them all in their own ways. I’ve done fandom on LJ/DW, Tumblr, Discord, and now on Twitter, and I think I miss the mailing list days the most. You didn’t have to repeat yourself so much in multiple conversations, you weren’t character limited, and the discussion was all in one place, with personal stuff more confined to your side conversations. Discord is a little like that, but it moves too fast and there’s too much noise for my taste.

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

Heh, after X-Files I went through a whole phase of faves in the Scully vein — Buffy, Aeryn Sun, Kara Thrace, etc. Like many people I’ve shifted primarily into m/m in the last decade (Sherlock, YOI, and recently The Untamed have been my major fictional fandoms, along with a lot of sports RPF), but for non-fannish shows I’m always looking for awesome new female characters, like Elizabeth on the Americans, Peggy on Mad Men, Nadja on What We Do in the Shadows, etc. And I do LOVE Killing Eve and have written a little f/f over there.

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

I’ll rewatch favorite episodes occasionally, and I keep thinking about a full rewatch but it takes so much time! I never saw the second movie, and I didn’t finish the first of the new seasons because I was hating it, so it’s a little hard for me to think fannishly about them when I disliked basically everything after “Je Souhaite” so much (as far as I’m concerned the show ends there).

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

X-Files no, but yeah I’m still very active in fandoms.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

I lost all my saved fic several computers ago, but I recall loving “Blue Christmas” by Plausible Deniability and “Diamonds and Rust” by MustangSally (obviously everything she wrote was great).

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

Looking at my X-Files fic, I can’t believe how short it is and how comparatively little of it there is (I have lost track of a few ficlets). It felt like such a big deal to finish anything back then! I think my favorite remains Alphabetum, which involved a tricky structure and 5 elements given by people as part of the Scullyfic Improv challenge, where you had a week to write a story around those elements.

My favorite of my recent fic in fictional fandoms is probably the GoT/YOI crossover novel I wrote a couple years ago, for a completely opposite experience to this (and proof you can grow as a writer with a lot of effort!)

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

It’s honestly hard to imagine going back (like I said, I usually don’t), but I guess I could get inspired by something.

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

I certainly still write, and I do have to give credit to XF fandom and Scullyfic in particular for giving me the start I got, where I really wanted to be writing good fiction. The few things I wrote in high school were just me jamming out romantic cliches, but the people I was lucky to know in XF fandom showed me that “just” fanfic can still aspire to be high quality. I am a much, much better and more disciplined writer than I was back then, but I might never have started on this path without fandom friends encouraging me.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

Usually just daydreaming about emotional dynamics between characters/people, but sometimes something specific in canon or real life (I write a lot of RPF) gets me going, or maybe something I read.

What's the story behind your pen name?

When I wrote for X-Files, I picked “Sophia Jirafe” combining my favorite first name with a fancy spelling for my favorite animal (I was 18! Don’t judge!) Over on Livejournal, my friend Jintian and I initially shared an account with the same name as our website, double_helix, and when she got her own account I changed to sophia_helix, which is now sophiahelix just about everywhere. A little clunky, but I like the continuity (and I do run across old friends who remember the name).

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

The friends I’ve known for a very long time know about it, but we have never talked about it in depth. My husband, who I met not long after getting into fandom, also knows about it, and he’s encouraging and also a writer so we talk all the time. I told my mom in college and she was pretty dismissive, so we haven’t talked about it since (but my younger sister knows and is cool about it).

When I was younger, it was something I shared readily (I bonded with a new friend in law school I saw looking at LJ), but now I don’t really bring it up with new acquaintances.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

I just made a Carrd the other day with all my various fannish addresses (Twitter, locked fannish Twitter, AO3, Tumblr)

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

Just that it really was a high quality fandom — so much excellent long casefic, so many cool down to earth people, just generally a great launching place for a young fan. The friendships I made with older people were really important to me, and it makes me sad to see a lot of younger people now getting upset about the idea of anyone over a certain age being in their fandom spaces. I hope someday fandom can get back to appreciating that people of all ages can be the fandom type, and that everyone brings something different to the community.

(Posted by Lilydale on December 1, 2020)

[purplesurveys]

1290

1. Do you like Ferrero Rocher chocolate? Yes. I mean it’s not the best-tasting chocolate out there but for some reason I also can’t stop having them once I’ve started? Hahaha. Pretty expensive though and I wouldn’t typically buy a pack for myself.

2. What’s the most expensive thing your car needed to get done? Technically it would be to fix up the dent when I got rear-ended a few years ago, but we never booked an appointment for that...which has its unique advantages, I guess - like how my friends don’t have to have a hard time spotting my car because the big ass dent gives me away anyway HAHAHA.

3. If you had a thousand dollars to spend on a pricey brand you like but can’t really afford (until now of course), which ONE brand would you chose? Probably the classic white Gucci sneakers with the green and red stripes. I’ve always thought they look nice.

4. Do you still own any clothes you had in middle school? Like what? I’m sure I do. The second shelf of my closet has all my old stuff.

5. Do you like candy canes? It’s fine to have once I’ve had a full meal, but it’s never been something I’ve craved even during Christmas.

6. What genre was the last movie you saw? And was it any good? Romance, drama, a hint of fantasy. 

7. Do you think George Clooney was hot when he was younger? Sure. I mean he still is now, so.

8. …what about now? ^

9. How many pairs of flip flops do you own? A couple.

10. How old were you when you got your first Tumblr/LJ? I had a LiveJournal when I was around 10, back when I imagined an online diary for myself; I ultimately failed to update it regularly. I made my first Tumblr when I was 12, but didn’t start a survey blog until I was around 14 or 15.

11. Remember Teen Ink? Did you ever submit anything to them? I’ve never heard of this. Is this a show about teenagers getting tattoos? Hahaha just a wild guess.

12. Do you still talk to any of your old teachers? I’m friends with some of them on Facebook but we never talk. As for the rest of my teachers I don’t wish to keep in touch with any of them.

3. Do you have Twitter? What do you mostly use it for? Yeah, a personal and a stan account. My personal is to let me ramble on just about anything going on in my life, and also to keep in touch with my friends and to catch up with current news and issues. My stan account is obviously to keep updated on BTS stuff.

14. What color is your cell phone? Black.

15. How many cell phones have you had in your lifetime? If I’m counting correctly, 7.

16. Does your family still use the home phone or are you all on cell phones now? We keep the landline for our older relatives who prefer talking that way. But yeah, we all have our own cellphones as well.

17. How old were you when you got your first cell phone? It was a gift to me for my 7th birthday. I didn’t need one but everyone in school started getting their own phones at like 6 or 7 so I asked my parents if I could have one as well lmao. Peer pressure is a bitch.

18. Enough with the phones. When is/was your 21st birthday? It happened in 2019.

19. What color was the dress you wore to your senior prom? It was a creamish, beige-ish color. 

20. Ever go to another school’s prom? Sure. They called it a ball but let’s just count it under prom.

21. Ever take melatonin supplements to help you go to sleep? No, I’m a bit wary of trying out an unfamiliar medication. I don’t have trouble falling asleep anyway.

22. Do you like burning candles or incense? Candles yes, incence is way too strong for me. < Same. Candles are super satisfying and relaxing to smell, though.

23. Do you like doing laundry? I haven’t tried. I feel like I’d hate it given how I dislike touching dirty or used clothes (even mine), but I guess I’ll never really know until I give it a shot.

24. Ever throw a pair of your shoes in the washing machine? How did they come out? Nope. My mom occasionally cleans our shoes but I’m not sure if she did so by putting them in the washing machine.

25. Do you own a real pair of Uggs? No, they’re not available here.

26. Do you ever venture into the woods? What do you normally do in there? No; we don’t have any nearby haha.

27. Favorite pizza toppings? Barbecue sauce and chicken, bell peppers, onions.

28. Favorite salad dressing? Spicy mayo.

29. What’s the most you’d spend on a new pair of jeans? Maybe a little over a couple thousand bucks at most. I feel like ₱3000 is starting to get too unfair hahaha.

30. Do you like to wear shorts or capris in the summer? It’s better than sweating in jeans and growing cranky, so yes.

31. What do you think of Bermuda shorts? I’ve never worn them and I don’t own a pair, so I don’t have strong opinions.

32. What does your bathing suit look like this year? I haven’t gotten anything new; I didn’t go out swimming this year and don’t have plans to for the remaining months anyway.

33. Are you ready for summer 2018? I spent that particular period interning, since it was a school requirement to take up an internship during that summer lol. But it was fun! I don’t like how they barely made me do work but it had been a cool experience that taught me a thing or two about living independently.

34. Did you ever use iconator.com? Are you upset that it’s gone now? Never used it.

35. Speaking of AIM icons… do you still use AIM? No.

36. Do you still buy CDs? Yeah, only for BTS.

37. Be honest…how much of the music in your iTunes library did you actually pay for? I never paid for anything on iTunes. Converting YouTube videos to MP4, uploading them on iTunes, and then manually adding the album art and correct titles was the way to go hahaha.

38. Does your significant other ever make you mixed CDs? My ex never made me mixed CDs but she made a couple of playlists dedicated to me. I remember seeing the playlists still up on her profile last January but I really hope she got rid of them now lmao.

39. How often do you have to empty your text inbox because it got full? I’ve never emptied any inboxes of mine. I’ve deleted threads, but I’ve never cleared out the whole thing.

40. Does your phone have a keyboard, touch screen, or neither? It has a touchscreen.

41. How did you dress your freshman year of high school? I didn’t have my own style that early so I just wore whatever basic t-shirt and jeans I had in my closet, which had been mostly gifts. I didn’t really start experimenting until I was in college.

42. What religion are you? Atheist.

43. What color are the pajama pants you wore last? Sky blue but I neeeeeeever wear pajamas. I haven’t worn that pair I mentioned in years.

44. Were you obsessed with the Spice Girls back in the day? No, not my generation haha.

45. What does your wallet look like? It’s pastel pink with a silver accent in the middle.

46. Is your middle name embarrassing? No.

47. How many Facebook friends do you have? Do you add people you don’t know sometimes? Over 670 the last time I checked. I never add people who aren’t the least bit familiar to me.

48. Do you like pumpkin pie? I haven’t tried but I’m open to!

49. What’s your favorite kind of yogurt? Eh, not really a fan of yogurt.

50. Do you like frozen yogurt? No.

[creativitycache]

ngl asking for people who self-identify as "antis" is already biasing your results because the term originated from fans being defensive over getting called out (eg the types who sincerely think fandom culture is ""puritan""). fair number of people started to use the term ironically and it might be evening out but overall the post calling for responses on the survey still comes off as something written in bad faith?

I wrote a rather long and involved response and then tumblr ate it. Goshdarn.

Fair warning, this is a hyperfixation and I’m coming off of a migraine so this may not be very cogent. Please read this in the over excited tones of someone infodumping about emulsifiers, with no animosity intended.

So, tl;dr and with a lot fewer links, I’m incredibly interested by your perspective that “anti” originated as a derogatory term.

As far as I am aware, the etymological history of the word “anti” being used pejoratively is coming from some very new debates.

I’m also noting that you had no feedback regarding the content of the questions themselves, which I would be interested in hearing as I am genuinely coming from a place without censure.

The term “anti” actually is a self-descriptor that arose in the Livejournal days, where you’d tag something as “Anti ___” for other like minded people to find. (For example, my cursory google search pulled up 10 Anti Amy Lee communities on LJ).

I’m a self-confessed old. I was back in fandom before Livejournal, aaaall the way back in the Angelfire days. Webrings children! We had webrings! And guest books for you to sign!

I’m going to take a swing for the fences here Anon, so if I’m wrong please let me know, but I’m going to guess you became active as a fan in the past 5-8 years based of your use of the term puritan.

There’s actually a HUGELY new debate in fandom spaces! Previously, it was assumed that:

a) All fandom spaces are created and used by adults only.

b) If you were seeing something, it’s because you dug for it.

These assumptions were predicated upon what spaces fandoms grew in. First you had Star Trek TOS fandom, which grew in 1970s housewives kitchens. They were all friends irl, and everyone was an adult, and you actively had to reach out to other adults to talk about things. (By the way- a woman lost custody of her children in the divorce when her ex husband brought up to the judge she kept a Kirk/Spock zine under her bed. The judge ruled this as obvious signs of moral deficiency. That was in the 80s! Everyone is still alive and the parents are younger than my coworkers!)

Time: 1967-1980s. Is Anti a term? No. Who is the term used by? N/A Is fandom space considered Puritanical? No.

Then, when the internet came about, it was almost exclusively used by adults until The Eternal September. 1993 was the year that changed the internet for good, but even years after that the internet was a majority adult space. Most kids and teens didn’t have unlimited access if their parents even had a home computer in the 90s.

This is the rise of Angelfire, which were fansites all connected to each other in “rings”. You had to hunt for content. If you found something you didn’t like, well, you clicked out and went on with your day because you’d never see it again unless you really dug. This was truly the wild west, tagging did not exist and you could go from fluff to vore in the blink of an eye with nothing warning you before hand. All fannish spaces were marked “here be dragons” and attempts were made to at least adopt the “R/NC-17″ ratings on works to some limited success, depending on webmaster.

Time: 1990-1999. Is Anti a term? No. Who is the term used by? N/A Is fandom space considered Puritanical? No.

In 1999 LiveJournal arose like a leviathan, and here is where the term Anti emerges as a self descriptor. Larger communities began to form, and with them, divisions. Now, you could reach so many fans you could reach a critical mass of them for enough of them to dislike a ship. The phrase “Anti” became a self-used tag, as people tagged their works, communities, and blogs with “anti” (NB: this is at far, far smaller rates than today). Anti was first and foremost a tagging tool used and created by the people who were vehemently against something.

You could find content more easily than in the past, but you still had to put some serious elbow grease into it.

In 2007, Livejournal bans users for art "depicting minors in explicit sexual situations”. The Livejournal community explodes in anger- towards Livejournal staff. The account holders/fans view this as corporate puritanical meddling. The outrage continues as it is revealed these bans were part of a pre-sale operation to SUP Services. SUP Services, upon taking over Livejournal in 2008, proceeds to filter the topics “bisexuality, depression, faeries, girls, boys, and fanfiction”.

The Great LiveJournal Migration begins, as fans leave the site in droves.

Time: 1999-2009. Is Anti a term? Yes. Who is the term used by? People self describing, seeking to create communities based off a dislike of something. Is fandom space considered Puritanical? No.

Where do fans go? Well, in the last decade, they migrated to Tumblr and Twitter (sorry Pillowfort- you gave it a good try!)

What’s different about all of these sites? Individuals are able to create and access content streams. These are hugely impactful in how communities are formed! Because now:

a) finding content is easier

b) finding content you dislike by accident is easier

c) content you dislike requires active curation to avoid

d) truly anonymous outreach is possible and easy (for example, you anon! Isn’t it much easier to go on anon to bring up awkward or sensitive topics? I’m happy you did by the way, and that’s why I keep my anons open. It’s an important contextual tool in the online communications world!)

Now the term Anti gets sprightly. Previously, if you didn’t like content, there was nothing you could really do about it. For example, I, at the tender age of way-too-young, opened up a page of my favorite Star Trek Deep Space 9 fansite and pixel by pixel with all the loading speed of a stoned turtle a very anatomically incorrect orgy appeared.

I backed out.

1. Who could I contact? There was no “message me here” button, no way to summon any mods on Angelfire sites.

2. If I did manage to find a contact button, I would have had to admit I went onto a site that wasn’t designed to keep me safe. I knew this was a site for adults, I knew there wasn’t a way to stop it from showing something. There was no such thing as tags. I knew all of this before going in. So the assumption was, it was on me for looking. (Some may have argued it was on my parents for not supervising me- all I can say is thank GOD no one else was in the living room and my mom was around the corner in the kitchen.)

But now? On Tumblr? On Twitter? In a decade in which tagging is so easy and ubiquitous it’s expected?

Now people who describe themselves as antis start to have actual tools and social conventions to utilize.

Which leads to immediate backlash! Content creators are confused and upset- fandom spaces have been the wild west for decades, and there’s still no sherriff in town. So the immediate go-to argument is that these people who are messaging them are “puritans”.

And that’s actually an interesting argument! A huge factor in shaping the internet’s social mores in the latest decades is cleanliness for stockbrokers. Websites can become toxic to investors and to sales if they contain sexual content. Over time, corporations perfected a mechanism for “cleaning” a site for sale.

Please note there is no personal opinion or judgement in this next list, it is simply a description of corporate strategies you can read during the minute meetings of shareholders for Tumblr, Twitter, Paypal, Venmo, Facebook, Myspace, Yahoo Answers, and Livejournal.

1. Remove sex workers. Ban any sex work of any kind, deplatform, keep any money you may have been holding.

2. Remove pedophilia. This is where the jump begins between content depicting real people vs content depicting fictional characters begins.

3. Remove all sexual image content, including artwork of fictional characters.

4. Remove all sexual content, including written works. If needed, loop back to step 2 as a justification, and claim you do not have the moderators to prevent written works depicting children.

I would like to reiterate these are actual gameplans, so much so that they’ve made their way into business textbooks. (Or at least they did for my Modern Marketing & App Design classes back in the early 2010s. Venmo, of course, wasn’t mentioned, but I did read the shareholder’s speeches when they banned sex workers from the platform so I added them in the list above because it seems they’re following the same pattern.)

So you have two groups who are actively seeking to remove NSFW content from the site.

A) Corporate shareholders

B) People are upset they’re seeing NSFW content they didn’t seek out and squicks them

Now, why does this matter for the debates using the term “puritan” as an insult? 

Because the reasons corporate shareholders hate NSFW material is founded in American puritanism. It’s a really interesting conflation of private sector values! And if Wall Street were in another cultural context, it would be a completely different discussion which I find fascinating!

But here’s the rub- that second group? They're not doing this for money. If there are any puritanical drives, it’s personal, not a widespread cohesive ideology driving them. HOWEVER! The section of that group that spent the early 2010s on tumblr did pick up some of the same rhetoric as puritanical talking points (which is an entirely separate discussion involving radfems, 4chan raids, fourth wave feminism, and a huge very nuanced set of influences I would love to talk about at a later time!)

These are largely fans who have “grown up” in the modern sites- no matter how old they actually are, their fandom habits and expectations have been shaped by the algorithms of these modern sites.

Now HERE‘s the fascinating bit that’s new to me! This is the interpretation of the data I’m getting, and so I’m out on a limb but I think this is a valid premise!

The major conflict in fandom at this time is a struggle over personal space online.

Content creators are getting messages telling them to stop, degrading them, following them from platform to platform.

They say “Hey! What gives- we were here first. The cardinal rule of fandom is don’t like, don’t read. Fandom space has always been understood to be adult- it’s been this way for decades! To find our content, you had to come to us! This is our space! This is my space, this is my blog! If you don’t like it, you’re not obligated to look!”

Meanwhile, at the exact same time, antis are saying “Hey! What gives- this content is appearing on my screen! That’s my space!  I didn’t agree to this, I don’t like this! I want it to be as far away from me as possible! I will actively drive it away.”

This is a major cultural shift! This is a huge change and a huge source of friction! And I directly credit it to the concept of “content stream” and algorithms driving similar-content to users despite them not wanting it!

Curating your online space used to be much simpler, because there wasn’t much of it! Now with millions of users spread out over a wide age range, all feeding in to the same 4-5 websites, we are seeing people be cramped in a technically limitless space!

Now people feel that they have to go on the offense to defend themselves against content they don’t like, which is predicated upon not only the algorithms of modern websites but ALSO talking points fed from the top down of what is and what is not acceptable on various platforms.

Time: 2010-2020. Is Anti a term? Yes. Who is the term used by? People self describing,and people using it to describe others. Is fandom space considered Puritanical? Depends!

So I, a fandom ancient, a creaky thing of old HTML codes and broken tags, am watching this transformation and am wildly curious for data.

Also...I uh....I can’t believe this is the short version. My ADHD is how you say “buckwild” tonight.

Anyways...um...if anyone has read to the bottom, give me data?

[earlgreytea68]

It’s my FOBiversary!

A year ago tonight I started reading this Regency AU about people I didn’t know. I stayed up all night. And then a year ago tomorrow I woke up and thought to myself, Who the hell is Pete Wentz? And then I found out. 

And if you’re wondering how I’ve spent my past year, it’s been learning this: 

That:

Once upon a time. 

Once upon a time there was a boy named Pete. He was supposed to be a lawyer. What he wanted to be was in a band. He wanted to stage-dive into crowds of people. He wanted to scream into microphones for attention, and to have the audience scream back at him. 

He wasn’t especially good at music himself. (What he was good at was soccer. Really good at it, as Patrick Stump will tell you. All-State in Illinois.) 

But what Pete was also very good at was two things that turned out to be super important to his future: emo LJ poetry, and Making Things Happen when they needed to happen (even if that made him the asshole). 

Pete was in a band that was touring and stuff but he was kind of getting bored. He knew this kid Joe who said, “Hey, let’s try a pop punk thing for fun,” and Pete was like, “Ha, that sounds hilarious, let’s do it.” (Pete was once part of a band where the members were only allowed to perform using instruments they didn’t know how to play. Pete had a history of bands-for-jokes.) 

At the same time: 

Once upon a time there was a boy named Patrick. He was super-good at music, had written it in his head for as long as he could remember, sang so well naturally that it literally didn’t occur to him that singing wasn’t something everyone could do. He was so good at music that he could be lazy about it, that he took up drumming because it was so easy for him that he didn’t have to put much effort into it. 

But by the old age of seventeen he was also super-disgusted with everyone around him for failing to take him seriously, when he was *really good at music.* Just because he was a *drummer* didn’t mean he didn’t write *awesome music,* ugh, it’s really rough to be sulky teenage Patrick Stump, let me tell you. (It’s also rough to be stubborn, control-freak Patrick Stump later on, and Patrick-Stump-who-has-such-a-beautiful-voice-why-doesn’t-anyone-respect-me-as-a-MUSICIAN-goddammit. Patrick’s a sweetheart but he’s also got the kind of effortless affinity for things that makes you very impatient at how long it’s taking everyone else to WAKE UP ALREADY.)

Anyway. One day, the drummer boy Patrick was working at a Borders and interrupted a conversation he heard two boys having about the band Neurosis. Because that’s the kind of pretentious music geek our boy Patrick is. One of the boys happened to Joe, who was about to change Patrick’s life and Pete’s life and his own life by somehow stumbling upon Pete Wentz’s creative soulmate in a Borders bookstore. But how was anyone to know that at the time? Joe just thought, “Wow, look at this kid who’s pretentious about music, I bet he’d get along with Pete.” So Joe said to Patrick, “Hey, do you know Pete Wentz? I’m starting a band with him and we need more people.” 

Patrick knew of Pete Wentz. Pete was in real bands. Bands that toured. Pete would be an excellent person to know in this scene Patrick wanted to get more into, instead of just know of. So Patrick was like, “Whatever you need for your band, I can definitely do it.”  

Joe called up Pete. Joe said, “Hey, you know that pop punk thing we’re going to do?” 

Pete said, “Oh, yeah, that joke band?” 

Joe said, “I met this kid Patrick, he could be a drummer or, I don’t know, anything. Here’s his MySpace.” 

At this point it’s unclear exactly what happened, although it seems to be that Joe and/or Pete definitely approached the meeting of Patrick with the idea that he was definitely not going to be the band’s drummer.  

They go to Patrick’s house. We know exactly what Patrick was wearing because Pete tells us: He wore shorts, knee socks, and an argyle sweater. Pete thought this kid and his outfit were kind of amazing. Patrick, when he tells this story, say that his first impression of Pete was he thought he would be taller. 

Patrick, apparently, sang. According to some accounts, he sang Through Being Cool. Pete said, “Yo, we’re going to make you our singer,” and Patrick was like, “But...I don’t really sing,” and Pete was like, “You definitely sing,” and Patrick was like, “I guess, man, whatever, can the band play my music?” because that’s really what Patrick wanted at that point, and Pete was like, “Sure.” 

It was a joke band. Pete had a serious band. It would have been ridiculous for Pete to leave his band for this pop punk thing with a couple of kids. In fact, Patrick actually held songs back, kept them in his pocket, assuming the band wasn’t going to work out and he would need them for when he struck out on his own. He was building connections, he was using Pete Wentz for everyone he knew, he was hiding his favorite songs and riding this whole thing out. 

But the thing about Pete Wentz: He’s smart. Always smarter than he acts. Joe in a Borders had stumbled across a one-in-a-million find, a kid with a once-in-a-lifetime voice, a huge reserve of natural talent, someone who was preternaturally good at music to make up for Pete’s lack of that. Pete looked at this kid and thought, He’s a golden ticket, and held on tight, and never really let go. 

Patrick was a restless kid, with one foot half out the door. When he tried to quit the band, Pete said “NO, NO, THIS IS THE SERIOUS BAND NOW. I AM DEDICATING MYSELF TO THIS BAND.”  

And he did. 

He broke up with his other band and he devoted himself to Fall Out Boy. (In fact, Pete’s the one who originally registered their trademark, charmingly listing his AOL email as the band’s contact info. Letting one person in the band trademark the name is exactly what a lawyer would never want you to do, but, because Pete’s a good guy, he transferred the mark over to the band’s corporation once they were big enough to incorporate.)

And Pete said to himself, “We are getting ourselves a record deal, now that I have dedicated myself to this band.” This is how Pete is: If someone needs to make something get done, it’s Pete who does it, and if he has to be an asshole to do it, then so be it. Patrick, in the later years, will give interviews constantly defending Pete, marveling at the impression people have of him, begging people to understand that he’s a nice guy who’s a great friend (Patrick, of course, is Pete’s favorite, and the beneficiary of most of Pete’s single-minded get-it-done-ness, so he’s possibly somewhat biased). 

So the band makes a demo. Pete goes to the guy who will eventually produce their first album and says, “Hey, I’ve got this, like, joke band, can you listen to it?” The producer was like, "Who's the singer?" And Pete was like, "Patrick. I think he said you recorded one of his former bands." Which was true. So the producer was like, "Patrick, the drummer kid?" and promptly never listened to the demo, because he was like, "Pete has lost his mind" and moved on. 

And then eventually when he finally heard Patrick sing he was like, ......oh.

The producer is recording this other band, and this other band was, like, the first band in this particular Chicago scene who had made it this far. So this band has this deal and the producer is super stressed out about it because it's his first kind of chance to prove himself to a major label and the band, it turns out, is terrible with vocal harmony, like, just awful, and the producer is like, “What the fuck is this, we can't give the label this.” 

So he tells the band they need to go out and find someone to do harmonies for them, and the band starts asking around, and hey, wouldn't you know it, a rumor had begun that you know who's aces at vocal harmony? That kid Patrick. (I BET I KNOW WHO STARTED THAT RUMOR.) So the band says to the producer, "We're getting Patrick to come do the harmonies" and the producer is like, "WHAT IS WITH EVERYONE AND THIS KID PATRICK ALL OF A SUDDEN.”

So Patrick comes in to the studio, and literally he is a child in high school. The producer remembered him as a fourteen-year-old, but he’s still only seventeen now. He had to keep calling his mom to extend his curfew. So Patrick comes in and they're all ordering lunch, so they ask Patrick what he wants and Patrick is like, "no, no, I don't want to eat anything before I sing," and the producer is like, "look at this pretentious kid.” So he's like, "okay, whatever, go record some stuff.” 

And then Patrick starts singing. 

And the producer is like, WHAT THE FUCK IS EVEN HAPPENING. 

And keeps Patrick in the recording booth for like thirteen hours or something, with no food, with Patrick periodically calling his mom to be like, “Nope, still recording.” 

So then the producer went back and listened to Pete's demos.

You see, it was a slow gradual shift from joke band to “hang on, maybe something is going to come of this.” For everyone but Pete, who seems to have never doubted and always been all-in. 

It starts with Take This to Your Grave. 

No, it starts with Evening Out with Your Girlfriend, but Patrick is cranky about that one. 

So it starts with Take This to Your Grave. They record fast and cheap, because they have no other option. Pete is hiding from his parents because he’s supposed to be in school. Patrick writes the songs and Pete nitpicks the lyrics so intensely that they have vicious fights about it and sometimes the rest of the band isn’t sure the album’s going to get made. Patrick is so annoyed at Pete’s rewrites that he has a sudden revelation: “Wow. I must really want to be in this band.” Even for Patrick, it has gradually gone from an opportunistic joke to a real possibility for a future. Patrick struggles to write lyrics with Pete, but eventually becomes so exhausted by Pete’s dedication to his particular ~~visions that he’s like, “OH MY GOD, IF YOU’RE GOING TO BE SO PICKY, YOU COULD JUST WRITE THE LYRICS AND I’LL WRITE THE SONGS AROUND THEM,” and Pete’s like, “Oh, cool, let me go get you all of my emo LJ entries we can use,” and so that’s how that arrangement starts: Pete feeds stream-of-consciousness poetry and Patrick makes music out of it. 

The first song they write together successfully is “Saturday.” It’s the first song they don’t have a knock-down, drag-out fight over (and Patrick is not shy about throwing a punch at Pete at times). And it’s a song explicitly about them. The lyric reads “Pete and I attacked the Lost Astoria,” but Pete claims he wrote it with Patrick’s name and it was switched up for Patrick to sing. “Me and Pete,” Patrick sings at the end. And it’s this song -- this first song of successful collaboration, this song that’s all about them -- that they still play at the end of every concert. (In the video, Patrick plays a detective chasing down Pete’s charming serial killer whose calling card is the Queen of Hearts, until the plot twist where they’re actually the same person.)

The buzz around their joke band is building. Their shows start turning into near-riots (because Patrick is just that good when he sings). Pete stage-dives into crowds and lets audiences shout lyrics at him. Where is your boy tonight? Boys like you are overrated. Two more weeks. They fantasize about playing bigger venues, not Wrigley or anything, because who would aim for that, but just shows where they’re getting paid in more than pizza. Pete is beating down the door at indie labels, with a strategy of landing them a small deal to build a fanbase before springing up to a major record label. He tours the band with exhausted determination, in a broken-down van. At one point, Patrick has to break the news to his family that he’s going to delay college because he’s got this band he’s in. They’re like, “What do you do in this band?” He’s like, “Oh, I’m the singer,” and his family is like, “...You sing?” 

Because Patrick’s a singer because Pete saw it in him, Pete wanted him to be. Patrick sings Pete’s words; Pete sings through Patrick. 

The producer finishes up Take This to Your Grave while they’re on tour. When they get back, Patrick is pleased with it. He’s the kind of perfectionist who spends all night on thirty seconds of feedback at the end of a song, but the producer knows what he was going for and Patrick’s happy. 

Pete wants his screaming to be louder, so he goes back into the studio to re-record his screams. 

Pete’s plan eventually works perfectly. They start small. They build a following. They land a major record label. 

Pete Wentz suddenly finds himself, with his joke band, staring directly at the future he dreamed of. 

And it drives him into a panic. He engineered their strategy. He held them together. He bought Patrick a hat when he worried about not wanting to see the audience while he sang, and he promised to be the frontman, the on-stage presence, the complement to Patrick’s musical talent. Together, he and Patrick are two halves of one perfect rock star.  

And Pete Wentz is panicking. 

(TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE)

The band keeps scrapping songs and writing new ones, unable to get exactly what they want. Pete, terrified of letting his band down, plummeting into a depressive episode of his bipolar disorder, isolates himself, handing lyrics over and then going back into hiding. Overwhelmed, he takes too much Ativan in a Best Buy parking lot. He says later he wasn’t trying to kill himself, just shut his brain up for a little while. (He talks often about needing a creative outlet; he writes often about his brain being a noisy place.) He says later that he remembers Jeff Buckley’s “Hallelujah” on the radio. He says later that he felt exhausted by the act of being Pete Wentz, that he was so much Pete Wentz for everyone that he forgot to be it for himself. 

A phone call to his manager saves him. He doesn’t die in that Best Buy parking lot. He spends a week in the hospital before moving back in with his parents. His band goes to Europe without him, struggles through shows without their epicenter. 

The suicide attempt is a discernible thread through Pete’s lyrics through the years. Also discernible, it seems, is a promise made to Patrick: not to do it again. 

~~~~~~~~~

The band regroups. The band writes a number of songs in a frantic two-week session, including “Sugar, We’re Goin Down,” which Patrick claims later to write in ten minutes, fooling around, and then says to the band, “I just paid for our kids to go to college with this song.” The album’s producer agrees. He signs on after hearing their demos of “Sugar” and “Dance, Dance,” two songs he predicts will be smash hits.

They are. Only after Pete once again goes to bat for the vision he wants, because the record label hates the refrain of “Sugar,” calling it too wordy. Pete wins, in basically every way he could win. 

His joke band’s a big deal now. His joke band gets nominated for a Grammy. Patrick, at the Grammy ceremony, realizes, “Huh. I...think I’m a singer now. I should probably take this seriously and, like, get lessons or something.” (This is, incidentally, why he’s so difficult to understand, as it was a while before he learned proper enunciation. In the beginning, he sometimes wrote songs out of his vocal range by accident.) 

They tour. They write. They promote. Pete keeps up a steam of Q&A’s at their fan website, patiently giving advice on relationship break-ups and losing loved ones, and talking about how hot Patrick is whenever he gets a chance. 

He makes up a string of nicknames for Patrick, then tells the fans they’re not allowed to use them, only Pete can use them. 

(Patrick says later he has no nicknames, but Pete, as ever, makes his own reality.) 

He says that he makes Patrick sing his favorite songs to him whenever he wants.

He says that Patrick is so perfect he basically dreamed him up. 

He says that he always wants to be wherever Patrick is. 

Patrick is his true blue.

Pete is always the source of Patrick’s loudest applause. Pete would take a bullet for him. “Patrick is the only reason anyone will ever listen to this band,” says Pete. 

“Pete’s lyrics are ninety percent of the reason anyone listens to Fall Out Boy,” says Patrick. 

They’re like that, these two. 

They descend into what the New York Times at one point refers to as their “creative exclusivity.” They talk of never having a friendship ever before like the one they share. They reference cryptophasia in how they communicate. Their long-suffering bandmate Joe suggests they should just get married already, and they respond, “We are.” 

Pete teases Patrick about wanting to do him, whispers in his ear at concerts, leans on him or curls close, kisses him on the cheek. 

And always, they finish with Saturday. 

They write Infinity on High quickly and easily and it’s a huge hit, but in the meantime Pete’s gone down in infamy with one of the first viral dick pic leaks and Patrick’s had to talk him out of quitting the band, the same way Pete did for him years earlier. Patrick goes into protective mode, defending Pete far and wide to anyone who will listen. Patrick gives interviews where he says he wishes people understood who Pete is, how he’s loyal to a fault, how he’s Patrick’s best friend. “What do you wish people knew about Fall Out Boy?” people ask him. “What do you wish people would ask you?” “How great Pete is,” Patrick says. 

But, you see. 

Patrick is tired. 

They’ve been touring non-stop for years now. Patrick skipped college in favor of Fall Out Boy. Patrick has grown up on-stage next to Pete. And Pete’s five years older, but Patrick’s been supervising him all this time. Pete’s the sort who thinks it’s a good idea to jump off a roof holding a patio umbrella. Pete once took to throwing bowling balls overhand around a luxury hotel suite they were in. Patrick has perfected the rolling of his eyes and the careful, nonjudgmental removal of himself from the more questionable situations. When Pete, convinced he would die at the age of 27, turned 28, it was Patrick who received the calls of congratulations for having gotten Pete through. 

And Patrick is tired. 

And Pete is in a whirligig of fame. Patrick’s best friend is still shorter than he thought he would be, is still a good person to know, is still loyal and smart, is still a poet who sends Patrick lyrics for him to mine, picking together pieces from here and there, archeology of Pete’s soul. Patrick will say later that what he does is write the score for Pete’s life. 

Pete is still his best friend. It’s just that Patrick’s best friend is now also very famous. They’re a big-deal band, and Pete is far more than the bassist. Pete is the showman; Pete is the onstage banter; Pete, Patrick will say, is the singer, he just sings through Patrick.  

When Pete gets married, Patrick’s the best man, just as Pete will later be Patrick’s. But when Pete gets married, the wedding photos are on the cover of People Weekly. 

Writing the album that will come to be Folie a Deux is a struggle. They fight more than they have in years. Patrick spends most of his time in the studio. Pete waltzes in and out, criticizing what Patrick’s doing. Once, they get into a physical fight over chord progressions. After phone conversations with Pete, Patrick throws things around the studio. Pete has descended into a haze of prescription pills, because Hollywood doctors will give you anything, and, hey, if a doctor handed them to you, it must be okay, right?  

Patrick remembers touring for Folie as being a disaster. This is possibly for reasons other than the tour itself, because the rest of the band seems to disagree. At any rate, it is Patrick who asks for a break. Patrick says they need to take a breath or they’ll end up hating each other. Pete doesn’t seem to take this very well. 

They release “What a Catch, Donnie,” a rare ballad that ends with a medley of their greatest hits. In the video, a lonely Patrick collects the detritus of Fall Out Boy’s success. He gets a happy ending, joined in the end by the rest of the band and all of their friends. Notably absent is Pete, who puts himself on a sinking ship and leaves everyone else partying joyfully without him. 

The hiatus begins.  

Pete says it feels permanent. 

Patrick embarks on what at first seems like a fun passion side project, and then increasingly gets more pressure put on it as the hiatus drags on and Pete says he can’t imagine ever playing for Fall Out Boy ever again, can’t imagine the band ever getting back together. Patrick is still writing songs for Fall Out Boy that he tucks away for “someday,” says he would still take a bullet for Pete Wentz, but it feels increasingly like maybe he’s a solo artist now. 

Pete starts another band and finds himself a female lead singer, because, he says, he can’t replace Patrick. But they feel increasingly separate. Fall Out Boy feels increasingly in the past. Patrick tours on his solo material without his trademark hats. He bleaches his ginger hair blonde and sticks devil horns on his head. If once he had Pete for the showmanship side of rock-stardom, Patrick steps forward to be the whole thing now. 

But the thing is. The thing is that one day Patrick posts an angry, frustrated, lonely, unhappy blog entry. Oversharing on the internet: used to be a Pete Wentz thing, becomes a Patrick Stump thing. But Pete Wentz knows what that kind of oversharing means. 

Pete reads the entry. Pete considers his friend, furious at being a has-been at 27. Pete paces. Pete thinks about how tough it is to call your ex after a bad breakup. But Pete does it. The reunion sex might be great, after all. 

Pete says to Patrick, “You need your band.” He says, “We built each other’s houses and you don’t even know my kid.” He says, “I need a creative outlet, can we try writing?” 

He says Patrick agrees not because he wants to, but because he’s a nice guy. 

But Patrick’s got Fall Out Boy songs tucked in a drawer somewhere. Patrick always wanted a pause, not a full stop. 

They write. 

They get nowhere the first session, but they write. 

They write well enough to try it again, and then they write “Where Did the Party Go?” 

And then they write. 

They get the band back together. It takes Patrick six hours on the phone with Joe, Joe with his successful new projects and his butting up against Patrick’s stubborn control over the music, but Patrick makes promises and they get the band back together. 

“I wouldn’t hold my breath for a Fall Out Boy reunion,” Pete tells the press. 

The next day, there’s a Fall Out Boy reunion. There’s a new single, recycling a lyrical line Pete first wrote years earlier and that they liked enough to revive. There’s a new album, and on it is a song written by Patrick during the hiatus, about hot whiskey eyes. I miss you missing me, Pete wrote in a poem during the Folie era of their lives. I miss missing you, writes Patrick. 

They tour. Not the tour of small venues they thought they would have because no one would care, even though that very first show people waited hours outside in the Chicago cold and the crowd was so loud Patrick could barely hear himself. No, they shift to arenas. Patrick has to find a way to sing live songs he thought they’d never tour on because no one would ever want to hear them. 

They write another album, fast and easy like the old days. It’s history repeating but they get to do it right. They write songs with lyrics that say And in the end, I’d do it all again. And I think you’re my best friend. And I’m yours. 

For the third album of their second chance, Pete writes, I’ve lived so much life God is gonna have to kill me twice. A far cry from the lyrics from the first album of their first chance: I read about the afterlife but I never really lived more than an hour.

They perform. Sometimes Pete still stage-dives. Always the crowd shouts his words at him. Always Patrick makes those words beautiful. 

Always they end with me and Pete, in the wake of Saturday. 

So. 

That’s what I’ve been doing. 

[ginnyzero]

Success is a Journey, Not a Destination

Last Friday, my father called me before he left work. I have a fairly close and adult relationship with my dad. He's the one I talked to before deciding to self-publish. He's a pretty non-judgemental guy with a out of left field sense of humor. We are often told we share a brain, which when it comes to working together can be detrimental because we really don't. I can't read his mind. It can't be frustrating.

But, I don't talk to him about my creative endeavors. I didn't talk to him about my fashion projects or my creative writing. I sat in the office of his shop and between screens loading with his old accounting and job building software frantically typed the first draft of the Lone Prospect and an office manual for said software. So, I was pretty happy when I published the Lone Prospect in paperback that he actually bought it even though he knows I only get 34 cents from the sale. He's not an ebook reader type of guy. I wasn't even sure if he'd read it.

My dad's reading taste is pretty eclectic. He works a lot so seeing him read anything other than the Bible or machinist magazines was pretty rare when I was growing up. When I was a teenager, his reading habits were whatever book you left laying unattended in the living room. I learned quickly not to leave my books unattended. He had the ability to flip open a book I was reading (and may not have even finished yet) and find the one sex scene in the book (that I hadn't gotten to and didn't know existed.) Embarrassing. As a teenager I didn't want him to know I was reading about sex, just as much as I didn't want to know that he and mom still had sex. (Oh the stories from my sister and cousin whose bedroom was over my parents.) When I was in college, I didn't really want to know that my father knew I wrote sex scenes. When I found out from my mother that he'd found my fan fiction LJ accounts and had looked into what I was doing online, I f-locked the accounts. (I was in my early twenties for God's sake.)

So far, sex hasn't come up in anything I've published. I can put off this dilemma for another day. (Thank Goodness.)

Last month, he told me he was reading Honor Harrington. Hard political science fiction mixed with hard core space battles. I was pretty floored. Not what I expected. Friday, he told me that he'd read my book and was actually reading it again. I asked him outright if he liked it because he won't tell me these things unless I do. (Working for him was a pain because I never was sure I was doing a good job.) He did. (He also found grammar errors and missing words in the first 70 pages that have been through three Microsoft products, two format changes and then adobe products and losing words is what happens when too many software formats collide and I refuse to touch it again or else I'll scream. But he notices these things! Engineers.) His approval and enjoying my book made me really happy. Because I want my father's love and approval. In fact, he wanted to know if there were more books.

If this was the pinnacle and definition of success, then I'd reached that goal. Success achieved.

Of course, that's not really where my goal of success lays. But it's a good, life affirming step.

Being a successful published author isn't easy no matter if you're a self published author or if you're a traditionally published author. You end up doing a lot of the marketing work yourself. You aren't just a writer. You're an entrepreneur of your own brand. And it's work. It's a journey, a road, an experience not for the faint of heart. Because you can spend hours and hours writing something, publish it, grind your tailbone flat marketing and promoting and get no response, and then spend an hour dashing off a meaningless dribble and be an overnight sensation. You just don't know how it's going to play out.

I'm at the beginning (2020 here, STILL at the Beginning it feels like) of this original work self-publishing journey. I published my first book in August of 2016 and I know that it may be years before I get more than drips of sales. I'm still on the "what type of promoting is going to work best for me" stage. (Especially since I have no money to put into it.) It doesn't make me a failure. It means I don't know where I'm going yet. I'm at the fork in the road and trying to determine which way looks the best. (I may look back at this in a few years and go, oh Ginnikins, you naive little sod.)

Everyone's journey is different. Everyone has their own realizations about themselves, their writing, creative process and what is important to them at different times. Sometimes, the first step of the journey as a writer is to realize that you can't stop writing. Then the next is whether or not it's important to you to share that writing. The journey is about yourself, the inner you and while other people may come into this journey, they aren't the stars of it. Trying to make someone else the star of your journey is at least a very big distraction. During the journey, you can grow or you can stall and stay the same.

Eighteen years ago, I started writing in order to connect with a friend. Fifteen years ago, I was writing fanfic. Where the hardest thing after having a successful story was writing the next story and trying to duplicate that success. Ten years ago, I was a big name fan (BNF) running a pairing community and hosting awards. Nine years ago, I burnt out. I switched fandoms. I stopped posting WIP. I stopped posting stories all together. I faded out of fandom. No one looked for me. Six years ago or more, I said I'd never publish an original book. Because I didn't want to lose creative control of my characters, plots and writing style. Four or five years ago, I finally had an emotional breakthrough and came up with my ideas for the Lone Prospect. Two years ago, I looked at my health and faced reality that I needed to try to get another source of income that I could get while sitting on my couch, writing. I started querying agents. Six to eight months ago, I decided to self-publish because even if I got an agent to look at my writing, it'd be another two years before I was published by a publisher. And in two years, I could publish 5 books myself plus whatever short stories I wanted.

Who knows where I'll be in two years? I don't.

Even if I'm not getting a lot of sales. Even if I'm working part time jobs or as a consultant or whatever I need to do to keep a roof over my head and food in my fridge. I won't be a failure. I will just be at another part of my journey. As long as I don't give up and I keep writing. (I can't stop writing. I get frustrated and depressed if I stop writing.) Then I'm still a success because I'm moving forward slowly, one step at a time.

One of the major realizations I had in this journey is that I don't need outside affirmation that my writing is good, that I have good stories to tell. I know I'm a good writer. I know I'm a creative person. There are stories I write, that I only share with one person because I know she'll like them too and she wants them. And if I didn't have her, I wouldn't have to share the stories with anyone else. Because they are for me. (Self indulgent character driven stories of properties I don't own and one or two I do.)

The stories I write and that I do share, they're for me too. I share them because I hope others will also enjoy them. I hope that others will find meaning in them even if it is a few hours of entertainment. But it took a great deal of time for me to come to this realization and that if people have problems with the stories I write and the way I write them (outside of technical things like grammar and missing words) then they aren't the audience for my stories. Their opinions don't have to sway me from doing what I love to do.

I don't say this out of arrogance or hubris. I say this out of confidence. I know what I do well and while I may stretch myself in order to grow and improve, it won't change my style and method of writing. There are things I can't do and don't need to do in order to tell my stories. And I acknowledge those things and move on. There are enough people out there that could and would tear me down and shred me apart that I don't need to do it to myself. (And there are lots of lovely people out there too that could build me up.)

I say this because the moment I let an outside opinion define my success, then that person has power over me. That lack of power can undermine my confidence, make me second guess myself. It takes way from me being single minded in my goals to write. This leads to fear of not being good enough, of being rejected and of being a failure. Fear leads to depression. Depression leads to being paralyzed.

And then I'd be stuck on my journey, not willing to go forward, unable to go backwards. And even if you're just taking that first step in your journey by opening a document and writing the first sentence, you've come too far to stop now.

As long as you keep going, as long as you stay on your journey, then you can't be a failure. There may be mountains and molehills or turning molehills into mountains. There will be flat spaces where it's happy and easy and storms when it's hard and you're anxious and stressed and not sure if getting out of bed in the morning is worth it. There can be twists and turns. Sure, maybe your journey will veer away from writing. Maybe there will be a new passion and a new place to put your energy. But that doesn't mean you're a failure as a writer or a person. It just means that there is a new exciting path ahead of you.

Please, don't give up on it.

[theteablogger]

Just read the BoE messages and it's wild going through the infected eye saga, especially all the supposed updates from Some Ozzie Bloke (Andy's partner). As someone who got into the Andysphere due to an interest in Munchasen by internet cases, I can't get over how by numbers the eye drama is. Do we know how much truth there was to the story, if any? Did Andy genuinely hurt his eye but exaggerate it to a hospital stay? Were the updates from Ozzie bloke actually from Andy?

My feeling at this point is that something probably did happen to Andy’s/VB’s eye, but he blew it way out of proportion in order to get sympathy and attention from the group. I asked a doctor about the plausibility of the eye infection story while I was putting those messages together, and they told me that it was possible for a corneal scratch to become infected to that extent literally overnight, as Andy said it had. They said it sounded like he wasn’t washing his hands before inserting/removing his contact lenses, and that the “pink goo” (sorry, that’s gross) that developed after he started treatment was probably just a side effect of the medicated drops. On the other hand, they felt that a lot of the stuff about bandaging both eyes, keeping Andy in total darkness, etc. was exaggerated, and that it was very unlikely he would have been hospitalized. He may have had to go back to the ophthalmologist a few times, but it’s easy enough to put eye drops in at home.

(As a sidenote, with as many illnesses and injuries as Andy has faked over the years, it’s been incredibly useful to have friends that are healthcare professionals and don’t mind answering weird questions about people from the internet. They are the unsung heroes of this blog.)

On his LJ at the time, Andy claimed to be on antibiotics for a total of five or six weeks and said that he was going to have anywhere from 30-75% vision loss in the infected eye. I hadn’t reread that at the time that I spoke to the doctor, so I didn’t get to ask about it, and I have no idea whether Andy really has significant loss of vision in one eye. Hilariously, he also wrote on LJ that he would have to wear colored contacts all the time once the infection was resolved because he wouldn’t be able to see the clear ones well enough and would risk injuring his eye again. He made sure to specify that they had to be “heavily colored”, not just lightly tinted for visibility. Right.

As for the “Ozzie Bloke”, I’m almost 100% certain that was Andy. The real Ozzie Bloke left a couple of comments on Fandom Wank in 2004, under his real name, and the writing style was different from the messages he allegedly wrote to the BoE list. Aside from that, the BoE messages claimed that while Andy’s eyes were bandaged, the Ozzie Bloke was:

attending Andy’s classes and tape-recording his lectures

writing out Andy’s assignments as Andy dictated

reading Andy’s email and taking dictation to answer it

reading BoE messages to Andy and keeping the list updated on his condition

uploading fic and pictures for Andy

reading other people’s fic to Andy

typing Andy’s fic as he dictated

talking with BoE members on IM

working out the logistics of getting one of Andy’s sketches signed by Sean Astin and sent back to him, without Andy’s knowledge (until his mom supposedly ruined the surprise, which I would guess was a story to cover Andy’s letting it slip in a chat or phone call that he was aware of the plan)

creating a printable business card for BoE and another for a Philippa Boyens website

administering Andy’s eyedrops, making sure he ate, cleaning Andy’s apartment, etc.

all while attending his own classes and doing his own homework

Yeah, that sounds manageable.

And that’s not even taking into account the fact that the SO’s bringing a laptop to the hospital to keep the patient connected with a mailing list/forum at all times is, as you point out, a hallmark of Munchausen-by-internet cases. BoE members even got to read about Andy’s amusing/screwing with hospital staff by trying on different accents, and warding them off by holding up a Samwise Gamgee action figure and crying out, “Elbereth! Gilthoniel!” or some shit. So brave. So plucky.

[dani-ellie03]

My Army Wives rewatch has reminded me of a story.

Okay, so Brigid Brannagh played Pamela Moran.

You’ve also probably seen her in things other than Army Wives because legit, Brigid Brannagh has been in like, everything ever. In my house, we adored Pamela, as evidenced by these LJ icons I made back when LJ was a thing:

Mostly because Pamela is a freakin’ badass but also because we have a local connection to the actress. She has family in my neck of the woods, close enough that her cousin taught me third grade. It was just one of those things I grew up knowing, because when she started popping up in TV shows and such, my mom would point out that she was Third-Grade Teacher’s cousin. Since then, I tended to notice when she was in things because, y’know, it’s kind of a neat little thing.

One time while Army Wives was still running, a family friend went to a party for one of her neighbors and Brigid was at said party. My sister, who hadn’t heard the story about the local connection, was completely confused until we explained that a Hollywood actress attending a party for a person in a Massachusetts town no one has ever heard of wasn’t as random as it sounded, haha.

She used to have a Twitter account -- don’t know if she still does because I haven’t been on Twitter in about a hundred years -- and for years I wanted to tell her where I was from and that her cousin taught me in school. But I never did because I could never figure out how to tell her that in 140 characters without sounding like a stalker. :P

[meredithritchie]

Mask of Anonymity: Anonymous Asks as a Teen Outlet

[The following is an article I wrote for a campus submission. I retained the rights to publish it here, as well. It regards my experiences as a fandom blogger.]

“Hi, I’ve been suffering with what is probably depression for years without any help and recently it’s been getting worse,” begins the anonymous message that drops into my inbox one night. It’s a teenager asking me how to keep themself stable until they can get a diagnosis from a pediatrician. I tell them I’m proud of them. I tell them I’m not an expert. I tell them to be kind to themself. I tell them they’re loved.

Since founding my Tumblr blog in April of 2017, these messages have become almost routine. In just a few months of actively posting my fanedits and fanfiction online, I amassed almost five thousand followers.  In this particular fandom, where the most popular bloggers have ten thousand followers, that’s a dramatic amount. Via the blog’s anonymous ask feature (colloquially called “anons”), anyone in the world can drop a question into my inbox without revealing their username, even if they aren’t one of those five thousand. Many if not most of these followers are minors, and some of them are not even of the minimum age to use the site: thirteen. My sister is twelve and loves watching fandom videos on YouTube, and in one year, she will be old enough to make an account with access to my blog and the blogs of all five thousand of my followers. I wonder if she’ll be one of the faceless messages I get in my ask box.

“Could I ask for some advice? It's about gynaecologists and vaginal health while being trans.”

“What I’m wondering is, how did you go about narrowing down lists of colleges to go to?”

“I basically cant[sic] think anymore and it's really hard to do school work because of this. Do you have any advice?”

“How does one stop obsessing over someone, when that person will never be theirs?”

“Hey I really need some help like older sister stuff help”

“I had a breakdown at school today. At least I think that’s what happened because I don’t remember it clearly.”

Some of it is generalized, and some of it is specific, but it all comes from a recognizable place of teen struggle and fear. Sometimes these messages linger in my inbox, as I try to struggle for just the right words. Other times I feel urgency, and dash off a response as quickly as possible. I re-read the post later and wonder if I said the right things, if I said what I meant. I’m not the only one.

Other fandom blogs, some even larger than I am, have turned off anons or closed their ask box entirely because of an influx of personal rants, requests for help, and even suicide notes. While Tumblr’s anon feature is meant to be a place for shy and intimidated users to express themselves in a way that isn’t possible via conventional social media like Facebook and Twitter,  the double anonymity of a hidden screenname offers confidence to say things that are otherwise difficult or even unsayable. When it comes to personal questions and statements, many young people lack a safe location to speak them, and the ask box offers a unique relief. Many teens don’t want to speak to their parents, teachers, or guardians about their sex life, their mental health, or their personal problems. Even Googling answers sparks fear that a teacher will confiscate their phone, or a parent will borrow their laptop, and evidence will be left in view. With a generalized segregation of America by age, most teens also don’t have other adults which they can speak to on a friendly basis, let alone speak to face to face for advice on difficult issues. Often the only adults that young people interact with face-to-face are authority figures like older relatives, teachers, and coaches. In the absence of face-to-face interactions, teens instead turn to the leaders of their fandoms, who often foster online personas  as Fandom Rens, Moms, Uncles, and Sisters. Plenty of older fandom members cultivate this image, though “older” is relative and in a small community these members may be only eighteen or nineteen years old, though they are generally in their twenties and thirties. While many fandoms have a primary userbase of tweens and teens, these senior members often run the most popular blogs and produce the highest quality fanart, fanfiction, and other fan content. During fandom “discourse,” these older members often lead the way and resolve conflict.

“Discourse” in fandom is not like discourse in the academic sense. While academic discourse encompasses many elements of rhetoric and debate, fandom “discourse” is essentially a euphemism for argument, frequently with an ethical element or discussion of “problematic” behavior. This discourse can involve either relationships between real human beings like celebrities and fandom members or the content of any fictional work contained in the fandom canon. The wide umbrella of “discourse” covers everything from discussion of whether a fandom celebrity’s recent comment was racist all the way to whether fanwriting two characters romantically is incestual when both characters are figments of a third character’s imagination. In essence, discourse gets hairy, complicated, and even philosophical. Like real political and social issues and like fandom itself, discourse gives some young people a sense of belonging and also the feeling that they are on the side of right and reason. An individual’s choice to participate in discourse becomes part of their identity.

In this way, fandom becomes what Mary Louise Pratt refers to as a contact zone, “where cultures meet, clash, and grapple with each other.” Through fanfiction “AUs” (alternate universes) fans of color write white characters as PoC, queer fans write cisgender/heterosexual characters as LGBT+, and neuroatypical fans write neurotypical characters as autistic, depressed, anxious, or otherwise neuroatypical. While alternate universe only emerged as a genre with the rise of the internet, these stories reflect a longer history of the insertion of the subordinate into dominant texts. Pratt refers to a text called The First Chronicle and Good Government, in which a man native to South America uses the language of his colonizers, the Spanish, to talk about the experience of the indigenous people, “in which the subordinated subject single-handedly gives himself authority in the colonizer’s language and verbal repertoire.” Through this text, Pratt touches on what she calls transculturation, a product of the contact zone, in which “members of subordinated or marginal groups select and invent from materials transmitted by a dominant or metropolitan culture.” In the modern world, the dominant culture produces Steve Rogers, a cisgender man, and fandom reinvents him as a transgender man. The dominant culture creates Hermione Granger and Harry Potter, two white children, and fandom reinvents them as black and Indian. The dominant culture offers Legolas and Gimli, both ambiguously straight, and fandom reinvents them as a gay couple. For young marginalized people encountering this kind of contact zone for the first time, fandom becomes a community that is irreplaceable and unique, where they have the ability to express themselves and see themselves in characters.

Between the aspects of community in fandom itself and the discourse which offers a cause and creates both positive and negative relationships, it is hardly surprising that young people turn to fandom elders when they encounter a problem. After watching older fandom members participate in, manage, or even quell discourse, younger fandom members begin to look up to them as people who have all the answers, as leaders of this unique community. The availability of anonymity makes the opportunity even more enticing. A kind older fandom member becomes everyone’s shoulder to cry on, everyone’s outlet, and everyone’s therapist. While this may serve as a resource for plenty of teens, there is always an associated toll taken on the mental wellbeing of the members who serve them. Fandom creators want to help their followers, but may be struggling with their own past or present depression, anxiety, PTSD, eating disorders, body image issues, and attacks on their identity.

Self-proclaimed “Fandom Grandpa” @randomslasher (known in the community as LJ) runs the largest art and writing blog in my fandom and has struggled with a history of anon rants and anon requests both to themself and to their partner Thuri, who also runs a popular blog. As long ago as 2013, LJ posted, “I don’t think I will ever understand people who hide behind a mask of anonymity for the sole purpose of making someone else feel bad. Just because we can do something doesn’t mean we should [emphasis original].” LJ has made additional posts before and since requesting that people abstain from ranting into their inbox, but the issue continues for LJ and other major bloggers who gain new followers every single day. Many of these anonymous messages are never published, as evidenced by posts like this one, which appeared on LJ’s blog in 2018: “Anon i’m sorry to hear that, but that wasn’t a safe ask to send someone without a trigger warning, and i won’t publish it. Try to get help if you can.” The message of the post alone is ominous, and one can only guess at the content of the ask.

The teenage years are known to be a time of struggle, both personal and social. This is significant now more than ever as depression and anxiety rates among teens rise, and many teens experience suicidal ideation, unhealthy relationships with their own bodies, and struggles with their gender and sexuality in addition to the classic problems of teenhood which should be no more serious than asking someone to homecoming, getting a driver’s license, or taking a chemistry exam. However, as student struggles become more severe, especially among marginalized groups, resources to cope with this period is not moving apace, and young people use fandom as a resource to get answers and to express themselves. Older fandom members are suddenly bearing the weight of hundreds of teen struggles, and most of them have no formal training or resources to cope with them.

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with JET

The first story by JET (Jesemie's Evil Twin) was posted at Gossamer in 1999. You probably remember if you've read any of her stories because she has a unique voice among the many authors of X-Files fanfic. Many of her stories are at Gossamer, but some that aren't there include "Small Lives Awake" and two little fics in its universe, "Imagination" and an Untitled fic. Big thanks to JET for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

Honestly, yes. I mean, it's nice, but a little bit surreal. What I feel highly conscious of is that the show premiered 27 years ago; some days that feels like 27 centuries ago. But maybe only because this year has lasted 27 centuries? idk

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

I got so lucky finding the group of kind, smart, crazy talented writers I found, and it was sheer dumb luck because I was so incredibly dippy and both underwhelmed by the interwebs of the time (frames! Netscape! whatever was up with Geocities and all those freakin' starscape backgrounds!) and overwhelmed by things like newsgroups (I still have literally no idea how those worked, but there seemed to be 900 kazillion XF fans there). It was great to find a bunch of people who liked the show at the same level I did (cough, A Normal Amount, cough), though in some ways that seems like the bonus to simply having found such a wonderful group of people with whom I am still in contact. The real government conspiracies with hostile extraterrestrials were the friends I made along the way...or something like that.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

A few writers had their own websites (I guess that's what those were?) that I'd lurk around, but mostly I was loyal to a couple of email mailing lists and LiveJournal. Unsurprisingly to anyone who's met me, I was bad at keeping up with them; I did try to, though. (Am I remembering correctly that folks started leaving LJ when Russia got involved somehow? The post-show 2000s are a big blur to me now.)

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

Quite specifically, that poor dude who coughs up a baby fluke in the shower during "The Host". That such a thing -- in retrospect, a nifty and deeply gross practical effect -- had made it onto network TV blew my mind. I did also love Scully and Mulder very quickly. They seemed like such engaging grown ups in all the right ways: intelligent, hard working, clever, loyal to each other, and, if you recall early season two, wearing some of the saddest bureaucrat suits and sporting the least flattering haircuts I'd ever seen on screen. <3

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

I have a vague recollection that I had been reading fanfic for something like a year and finally had a story I wanted to try writing. Shout out to Jill Selby for being the nicest, most supportive first reader anyone could have asked for.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

I think of it very fondly! I've otherwise stepped away almost entirely.

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

I have been in much, much, much more peripheral ways. Partly that's because Life; I don't in general have the kind of free time I had as a college student and part-time employee (and free time circa 1999 was time I should've been using to study or go full-time at my then-job or whatever). I think perhaps because I had such a special, legit lovely experience with XF fandom -- and because I'm still friends with so many people from that time -- I've never much wanted to throw myself into another fandom at the same level.

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

In small doses, yes. I wasn't a casual viewer back in the day and I'm still not, so I watch a few eps here and there when I know I'll have time to really enjoy them but not so much time that I'll become a complete addict again. In an age of ~peak TV~ there seem to be 782 new shows annually, and I maybe watch 1 of them,  and they never seem to remind me much of XF -- which either means I've missed the shows that have been influenced by XF or the show has retained a kind of singularity. Honestly, I suspect (or maybe just hope) it's the latter.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I reread Kipler and Penumbra's XF stories every so often and grind my teeth with continued jealousy. But most of my fic consumption these days is in Black Sails (QUEER PIRATES TRYING TO OVERTHROW ENGLAND. PLEASE WATCH BLACK SAILS), Superbat (Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne), and The Witcher. (Have I seen The Witcher? No. Have I read the books? The first one and maybe 1/6 of the second one. Have I played the video games or read the comics? No. Has that stopped me from reading fic? No.)

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

Oh man, I have never been able to pick favorites. That said, "Unwritten" was possibly the sparest story I wrote and I still really like the imagery in it.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

Never say never. No plans to write anything else in XF at present. (This does make me wonder, though, if there're any drafts on an old somehow-still-active email account somewhere...)

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

Ha haha ahaha, no. (Well, my mom knows I was in a ~writing group~. Thankfully, she has never asked for further details.) Like. It amazes and charms me that, say, someone who is in high school right now may feel exactly 0 hesitation in sharing their fannishness with everyone, everywhere. Fandom is much more understood and accepted as a hobby/way of life/style goals, I think, than it was 25 years ago. But the whole reason I went online in 1997 to look for XF fans was because all the sweet people in my offline life who watched the show were, hmm-- What's a nice way of saying that talking to them about the show was like chewing tinfoil? Compartmentalization has served me well for decades now. :D

(Posted by Lilydale on July 28, 2020)

[edwinrossetti1-blog]

Mama And also Child Attacked At Household Hen Outlet In Georgia US Yahoo7 Information.

A younger mommy is actually offering her first night responsible for bars for taking pleasure in nights out while her sons were actually laid off, famished and cool, nailed down a gross property. Rely on this certified records concerning larger dimension mama from the significant other wheeze matches is beneficial sufficient that can help you obtain the most effective Mama From The Bride-to-be Dresses At Beach that are actually matched to your body as well as provide you seem doze. She inquired me to store the infant stroller in order to get her kid buckled in and afterwards she described, her son bolted and also protection needed to look for him, she had certainly never been actually so afraid in each her lifestyle, she really did not understand what to do. I found mistress pass her through giving her the wicked look from just how could that mom attacked a youngster as well as presently he is screaming.

It is constantly well for a baby goat to be along with their mother as they get more nutrients coming from her milk than just what I the milk I acquired for LJ at the tractor store, however since her mommy perished after giving birth LJ would certainly possess died had I certainly not reared her.

Yet this specific social substitution really had not been as simple as white and black, particularly because my darker brown skin layer coincides color as much of the caretakers that reach my child's school every afternoon to pick up people's little ones. I definitely like having those two things since that is actually wonderful to have for times when this's merely cold good enough that you need to have a little bit added clothing, but certainly not freezing outside where you would require very hefty clothes on. The excellent part concerning possessing one thing as easy as a pair from leg warmers and also a pair of arm warmers this that if you obtain also warm and comfortable, they are actually effortless to remove and also put in your back pocket. Her boy, Jim Lion, mentions he received an answering machine from an employee at the residence later that time, stating his mother could possibly not give back considering that her necessities had surpassed the amount from care provided at the center. Lots of darker skinned members zadowolenizwlasnymcialem.pl time and/or get married to lighter skinned or various other non-Blacks considering that they perform not want their youngsters to go through as they do. There are actually some darker skinned Blacks which wish that their youngsters will certainly not be actually black due to the fact that to become black ways to be a second class consumer within both the White and Dark areas. Comfrey leaf mixture (" To create an infusion" above) not only to raise the amount as well as splendor of the breast milk, but likewise to develop powerful bones and teeth for mama as well as youngster, to improve digestion, to check out allergy symptoms, and also to repair tendons, muscular tissues, or various other tissues distressed in the course of the childbirth. The joint bank account that she pilfered coming from, the economical gifts, the undermining from my education, the large busy-ness of her consistent misery, the isolation, the unsuitable hairdo as well as apparel as well as horrible colours she demanded. As in our research of the stock market, off December to June must mirror the Sunshine and the Daddy's guideline; as well as stocks off June to December ought to mirror the Moon and also the Mommy's policy, the black reproduction part, the burial from the seed, and the planning for regeneration. If it needs to happen, however, that the little one has actually agitated as well as agitated nights, this must instantly be actually eliminated to the bed and treatment from an additional female, to become given its own mom at a very early hr in the morning, for the objective of being nursed.

[rismunblog12345-blog]

BLOGS

INTRODUCTION TO MYSELF

Hello blog lovers! I am here to introduce myself in this blogging community. First of all, my name is Richmond Narag, born in April 30,2000 so I`m probably 17 years of age as of now. We live at Atulayan Norte, Tuguegarao City with my mom and my bro and all my neighbors are my companions, cousins and friends. My mom has a store here at our house and my little brother LJ is still studying at our local school here at our barangay, the Atulayan Elementary School. Lets talk about the things I like and love. First, I love to eat food and my favorite food is pizza, with ham and cheese with thin crust equals heaven. Second, I love computer games, and the game that I love to play is CSGO and Dota2, I started playing computer when I was Grade 4 and the first I played was KOS(Kill on Sight) it was very addictive that I could skip class just to play every afternoon. The only sport I know is to play chess, although some people says its a boring sport, but I find it fun and very interesting, I join tournaments just to win and hopefuly I will represent my country one day. Plus, I love cars, I mean come on who hates cars? Only an alien would hate cars because they have advance technologies even aliens do not exist. Just kidding. I use to spend my time browsing facebook, tweet at twitter, liking and posting photos at instagram, watching youtube videos, and listening to music. I love listening to late 80′s love songs, 90′s hip-hop rap and 2000′s RnB. I don’t like the music today because its all about the beat, talks about sex, money, weed, hoes. Its far different from the past. I go out every Friday night, its either I will spend time playing computer overnight or I will spend time with my friends. And by the way, I finished my Grade School at Annafunan Elementary School, and I finished my Junior High School at Saint Paul University Philippines. During my freshman year as a Junior High, I was sent at the principal’s office with my friends because we bullied our classmate, we said she was eating charcoal that’s why she is black. I laughed so hard, but she slapped me harder right into my face and she started crying, we were sent at the office and we were suspended 3 days, and I was at the stage of one false move, one more violation then I will get kicked out of school. But then, during my 8th grade my worst event came unexpected, my father died, he suffered from kidney failure for five years, and it was the most painful memory that i cannot forget.  And that is where I learned my lesson. I changed myself and began to socialize other people and respect them so that they will respect me also. Until I graduated and finished Junior High. Life goes on, I must be strong and keep moving on. That’s all for me.

QUESTIONS:

1) Where do I see myself 10 years from now? Was my learning in SPUP vital to where I’m leading to?

—I can see myself as a successful CPA and working as an accountant in the World Bank. My learnings in SPUP will be forever in my mind as a Paulinian

2) Was ABM the best choice after all?

—Yes, because i’m on the right track with my perfect course and its noy my biggest regrets after all.

3) What course? Why?

—I will get accountancy, because why not? after all, I love to count money

4) What topic would you like to learn more in this subject?

—I would love to learn on how to hack systems. HEHE 😈😈

5) Hello sir! Do you know how to play chess? I challenge you HAHAHA

TECHNOLOGY REVIEW

Play Station Portable(PSP)

- I chose PSP because it was the most famous portable computer back then, it is a single handed game console developed by Sony. Development of the handheld was announced during 2003. The PlayStation Portable became the most powerful portable system when launched, just after the Nintendo DS in 2004.  PlayStation Portable’s technical specifications are : MIPS R4000-based 333-MHz CPU,  Graphics sub-system running at 166 MHz on a 512-bit bus with 2 MB of DRAM,  Built-in stereo speakers,  Rechargeable lithium-ion batteries and weighing 280 grams.

I had one of these when I was 10 years old, my father bought one as a gift to me. But 5 months later, it was stole. But anyway, this technology it perfect, it is very well designed, it has excellent play station style Sony really knows how to create buttons it was built in great quality. It is like you have a play station 4 everywhere you go with excellent sound quality, excellent graphics big punch, small package. But today technologies keeps on improving until psp is history. We keep on exploring new technologies to make things easy and make us comfortable, today you can play with your smart phone by just downloading the application from the internet, unlike the psp you must get it from a disk. Compared to smart phones it is lighter than psp.

WHIPLASH

Andrew Neiman is a young talented drummer attending at Shaffer Conservatory of Music with his professor, Terrence Fletcher who is always discourages his students so that they dont discouraged later on. Andrew Neiman overcomes depression and all emotional abuses put by Mr. Fletcher. Andrew wants to be the greatest jazz drummer, but being the best in Fletcher’s mind does not only entail playing well. But knowing that your playing well and if not what your’e doing wrong. Mr. Fletcher’s modus creates an atmosphere of fear and of every man for himself within the band. That is why Andrew works hard to be the greatest, he must figure out his life priorities. Mr Fletcher makes him realize that “No two words in english language are harmful than Good Job”. That is why his methods of exacting to be the greatest from his students include belittling them, throwing objects at them, and creating a level of tension so high that average individuals would likely crawl under the pressure. Andrew’s passion is to achieve perfection to quicks spirals to obsession, as his teacher continues to push him to the brink of both his ability and his sanity. Andrew keeps practicing drums, making his hands bleed in the process and it leads to Andrew eventually quit but a surprise encounter with Fletcher gives him a chance to show just what he can accomplish until finally Andrew understands what Fletcher expects much beyond his students talent and all these hurdles are consequences of his expectations

QUESTIONS: 1) What life lessons can be learned?

—We must be patient and keep moving forward until we meet perfection. Do not just try had, we must TRAIN HARDER

2) Part of the story told by the movie was the most powerful? Why?

— When Andrew keeps praticing drums until he bleed his hands and as a result, he became the one of the best drum jazz performer.

3) Who was your favorite character in this movie?

— Mr. Terrence Fletcher

4) Did anything that happened in the movie remind you of something that has occured in your life?

— Yes, it reminds me about failure, specially math. Our teacher is also short tempered , she always expects beyond students knowledge and the outcome was good because we learned.

5) If you had a chance to ask a character in this movie question, what would it be?

— I would like to ask Mr. Fletcher, why would he expect and belittling his students? Does he know that someone will get depressed? and lead to suicide? Why not motivate them instead of hurting someone’s feelings. Train them with wisdom

THE ART OF GETTING BY

IIn George’s philosophy, he believes that you are born alone, die alone and everything else is an illusion. He does not see the point of life, school, or homework. Until he meets Sally and he now has a reason to go to school and make friends, even if he is not ready to admit to himself or to her that he likes her. The school’s principal and art teacher introduce to him an alumni and a successful artist,Dustin who can help guide George along life’s path, but other distractions start surfacing, George might not even able to graduate from high school. George brings Sally with him to visit Dustin and it becomes apparent that Dustin likes Sally. Sally invites George to a New Year’s Eve party. At the party Sally dances with her ex, while George gets drunk, and puking outside the club before falling asleep in the alley. In Valentine’s day, Sally and George go out to dinner and Sally asks him to have sex with her. George stuttered, he was clearly shocked and doesn’t answer. After that, Sally says they should not as he is her only real friend. He is quiet for the rest of the time they’re together and goes home early. George ignored Sally. Suddenly, Sally invites Dustin out and flirts with him. George does not do his homework so he is brought to the principal’s office. His principal gives two choices: expulsion or do all the undone homework about a years worth. At home, George confronts his stepfather about lying about work, and they get into a physical fight. George runs off for Sally’s place. George kisses Sally but after they kissed Sally reveals Dustin in her apartment. He got angry and hurt, and he left. But then, George finished all his homework and completed Senior High School and Sally does not want Dustin to go with him in Europe

QUESTIONS: 1) What life lessons can be learned?

—It’s all about grabbing the opportunity

2) Part of the story told by the movie was the most powerful? Why?

— When George kisses Sally then Sally reveals Dustin in her apartment. That scene was hurtful because you didn’t expected that your one true love has another lover

3) Who was your favorite character in this movie?

— George

4) Did anything that happened in the movie remind you of something that has occured in your life?

— Yes, when George does not care in his homework. It reminds me of my past school years, I also skip my homework but I do not smoke and cut class

5) If you had a chance to ask a character in this movie question, what would it be?

— I would like to ask George, why would he stutter infront of a beautiful girl? He must not miss a chance

SHORT TERM 12

It is a residential facility for troubled teenagers. The staff include Grace, Mason, Jessica and the new guy. Grace is the leader of the team and is secretly in a relationship with Mason. Under those circumstances, capable and compassionate Grace does her best to support the kids, she too is a scarred individual who elaborately conceals her damaged self-harm disorder is admitted to the community. Grace will have no other choice but to deal with her own past things are going reasonably well until Grace discovers that she is pregnant, she schedules an appointment for an abortion, she eventually tells an overjoyed Mason about the pregnancy, but not about her plan to have an abortion , at the facility, Grace and Mason focus their efforts on Marcus, a resident who is about to turn 18 and is struggling with the prospect of leaving the facility. At about the same time a new patient Jayden arrives and stirs up unpleasant memories for Grace. Jayden disctances herself from the other teenagers as she does not to intend to stay at the facility for long, and when her father fails to pick her up on her birthday, she reacts violently towards the staff. After her outburst, she sits in the “cooldown” room with Grace. That night Jayden leaves the facility and Grace followed her. At the house party, Mason proposed to Grace and accepts. Marcus tempted to commit suicide after the death of his fish, he was sent at the hospital and he is being treated. Grace breaks up with Mason. Several weeks later, Grace starts seeing a therapist and she is shown viewing a senogram with Mason. Mason tells the rest of the staff about running into Marcus, who is doing well and has a girlfriend

QUESTIONS: 1) What life lessons can be learned?

—Its all about being part of a family

2) Part of the story told by the movie was the most powerful? Why?

— When Marcus attempted suicide due to the death of his fish, because he is depressed that is why he attempt to commit suicide

3) Who was your favorite character in this movie?

— Grace

4) Did anything that happened in the movie remind you of something that has occured in your life?

— Yes, when Jayden tries to escape the facility at night, in my past years I use to leave without permission but  then I learned

5) If you had a chance to ask a character in this movie question, what would it be?

— I would like to ask Jayden, why would she distances herself from other teens?

[pressography-blog1]

Russian blogger goes on trial for playing ‘Pokemon Cross’ in a church

New Post has been published on https://pressography.org/russian-blogger-goes-on-trial-for-playing-pokemon-cross-in-a-church/

Russian blogger goes on trial for playing ‘Pokemon Cross’ in a church

An ordeal for the blogger who is accused of inciting religious hatred for playing ‘Pokemon Move’ in a church has all started inside the Russian city of Yekaterinburg.

Ruslan Sokolovsky has been in pre-trial detention because of October while a court reversed his residence arrest.

Investigators have charged the 22-12 months-vintage video blogger with inciting nonsecular hatred, the equal offense that sent two girls from the Pussy Rebellion punk collective to prison for two years in 2012, and insulting the emotions of nonsecular believers Wide News.

Sokolovsky published a video on his blog remaining year displaying him gambling the smartphone recreation in a church built at the supposed spot in which the own family of the remaining Russian tsar, Nicholas II, changed into killed.

Russian Internet 2.0 Explodes with Content material – 10 Million Blogs by means of 2008

I used to be a lucky youngster. in view that I used to be seven, I waited with tremendous anticipation for lunch time, whilst my mom, who labored at a massive publishing house, would deliver a freshly printed p.C. of Soviet newspapers, like “Izvestiya,” “Pravda,” “Trud,” “Komsomolskaya Pravda,” “Krasnaya Zvezda,” “Sovetsky Game,” all in all, up to 10+ newspapers. There has been not anything extra best than to chomp on a juicy apple and examine all of the latest news in one percent! I even used to fight with my older brother over who will get “Sovetsky Sport” and “Komsomolskaya Pravda” first.

No matter the abundance of styles, from the stiff and legitimate “Pravda” to the greater cozy and youthful “Komsomolskaya Pravda”, the reviews expressed had been trimmed to the guidelines of the reigning Soviet propaganda device. Most effective after the genie of glasnost got here out of Gorbachev’s bottle, I saw a few unusually important articles within the Soviet press. Even then, humans nonetheless could not sincerely speak up or relate their reviews to specific occasions, except discussing it with pals or household of their tiny kitchens, in which humans could speak anything and the whole lot at small kitchen tables with the help of vodka and pickles…

Alas, within the early Yeltsin generation, the newly minted democratic Russian media evolved in a motley crew of yellow press, scandals and cleaning soap operas. Often it became tough to sift via this flow and discover some real pearls of actual truth and compelling critic. inside the overdue ninety’s, the Net gave beginning to the running a blog universe, and it fast won popularity from mass customers, newshounds, politicians, and critics, growing a tremendous Russian salad of opinions and philosophies in no way tasted before.

These days Russian blogging services are in their manner up. The contemporary studies through Yandex, the Russian search engine No. 1, confirmed that the 2 most popular offerings inside the Russian Internet (RUNET) are LiveJournal’s Russian language network (RULJ) and LiveInternet (LI). On June 6, 2007, the RULJ proudly recorded 1 million registered users and blogs. Yet the lengthy-standing #2 blogging site LI is rapidly attaining its principal rival, RULJ, in terms of latest blogs and everyday notes.

But, the gap continues to be extensive: LI has a hundred and seventy,000 everyday site visitors, while there are six hundred,000 site visitors at RULJ. LI’s Trendy Director German Klimenko stated to CNews that the range of active blogs at LI will exceed LJ through the end of 2007. Yandex studies show that the overall increase of the Russian blogging sphere is 74% (41% international), however, the total wide variety of Russian blogs account for Most effective 3% of worldwide blogs. Analysts trust that with the aid of 2008 there might be as a minimum 10 million blogs within the Russian a part of the worldwide blogosphere.

Let’s make a quick evaluation between LI and RULJ. After you take a look at or sign up to both, one aspect becomes clear right now: RULJ is genuinely more mature and garners an older audience. LI, boasting a kaleidoscope of offerings, is crafted for young adults and young adults. Obviously, LI’s target audience is developing faster than that of RULJ. In any case, children are longing for the employer and socializing. The large difference is inside the great of Content material and blogs, where at LI bored teenagers spill out their fresh half of-thoughts and desires, while the best of’ RULJ crowd is plenty extra Content with severe topics and informative Content material. There is a super quantity of really thrilling blogs and forums at RULJ. Although, both blog arenas cover properly for his or her kind of audiences.

properly, sure, when you are coming into the Moscow Sheremetyevo Airport, the primary Russians who you spot aren’t smiling and look quite gloomy. But truely associating Russians with melancholy – that sounds humorous to me. Little did I recognize that a brand new time period “a Russian” approach just that! Right here is what one RULJ person, http://mi3ch.Livejournal.Com/1131649.Html, offered to speak about to the Russian blogging community. Below the subject “presenteeism” this user shared newly coined English language terms that hadn’t But come to Russia. These are the first 3 words:

How to Create A blog The Smooth way With Web hosting For Profit And Blogger Builder

Does the idea of making a weblog scare you? Many entrepreneurs are coaching which you must be setting up blogs to your area of interest websites or in case you are running with offline commercial enterprise, in your customers. However, in case you are not certain How to Cross about developing a weblog, the project may additionally sound as a substitute daunting.

Fortunately for the technically challenged, a new way to create a blog changed into advanced by way of the programming group at my Web hosting organization, Web hosting For Earnings. They desired to make it as comfortable as viable, in order no longer to draw the attention of hackers, even as also making it as easy to apply that a non-technical person should set up a blog in mins. Blogger Builder is the resulting software that allows a Web hosting client to log into their account, set up a site account for the blog that they want to create, after which comply with the three Clean steps to blogging building achievement!

Step 1: Deciding on your area. You need to have already bought your domain at your favourite domain registrar, it’s far beyond the scope of this newsletter to expose you how to shop for a website, But, once you have bought your area and modified the nameserver records to that of your server, you ought to log into your Net Host Supervisor (WHM) and create an account for that domain. After you have got performed that, you are geared up to move over to the Blogger Builder and choose the Deploy Wizard Tab and click on Install.

You’ll be presented with a drop-down menu of all of the domains in your account, and you just need to locate the only you need to install the weblog on. It is going to be inside the form of the domain username (the username you will use to log in to the cPanel) observed with the aid of the @ image and then the area call. So in the instance above, where I waited out the real username, shall we embrace the username is the rockstar and the domain would be portrayed as rockstar @ localseorockstar.Com inside the dropdown menu.

once you have got decided on the area, you then want to go into the password (once more the cPanel password for that domain) into the password subject.

For the set up directory, if you are planning on having your weblog on the basis of your area – like localseorockstar.Com with nothing after it, then certainly leave it clean. in case you want the blog to be in its own folder, which include localseorockstar.Com/blog then you definitely just need to go into the directory that you want the weblog established in. This ought to be a directory (folder) that has now not been created Yet, because the software program will create it for you.

once you have got crammed out Those fields, you click on subsequent step.

Step 2: Your blog Vitals when you reach step 2, you’ll be telling Blogger Builder what you need to use for your admin name, your password, the name of your weblog and whether you need the serps to crawl your weblog. Your admin call has to no longer be ‘admin’ in view that for too long, WordPress has been forcing users to use ‘admin’ and a difficult to remember the password. So the security specialists will let you know that you need to keep away from admin as a username. Make it some thing you will remember, with out being Smooth for someone else to bet (so your actual first call isn’t an awesome concept). Your password has to be a comfortable one, However, it does now not have to be a 30 man or woman monstrosity which you could not bear in mind if your existence counted on it. Ensure you use an awesome e mail cope with, due to the fact this is in which WordPress will ship you the information every time you forget your password or while a person leaves a touch upon your blog.