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ryttu3k · 4 years ago

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Hello naughty children it's Gehenna time.

...which means I'm going to read the book properly this time and write notes on each scenario, partially for my own reference, partially in answer to an ask from @rayshell22livejournalcom from about a zillion years ago. Sorry about that!

Mood soundtrack: Godspeed You! Black Emperor - F# A# ∞; Lift Your Skinny Fists Like Antennas To Heaven; Yanqui U.X.O.

Prelude: Netchurch is an interesting character. Very skeptical, despite, well, the entire setting, although that's definitely, uh, broken by the end. Feel very sad for Afifa, who was a pawn in all this. Creepy babies galore!

Introduction: "While Vampire favors that futile, tragic, and - we'll say it - angst-heavy conclusion" - lmao you don't say. Although I do like how they have the consistent golden rule that if you don't like it, just ditch it! (Of course, the Gehenna scenarios as a whole have been completely retconned anyway by v20 and v5, so this entire book is a good example of taking what you want from it and ignoring the rest.)

"Some people are on opposite sides of this thing. They're elders who don't want to knuckle under to the Antediluvians (most elders will accept their proper place in the heirarchy again with the rising of their progenitors) and poor, misled souls who bought into the lie and are pissed about it (paging Mr. Pieterzoon). Bottom line: the Camarilla collapses like Enron/WorldCom as the worthlessness of its foundation becomes public knowledge. Chaos ensues among the vampire community, princes find themselves besieged by their own locals, and it's all a big clusterfuck."

Have I ever mentioned I love how VtM phrases stuff? Also F to Jan.

I like how they have a masterlist of what's actually going on with the Antediluvians. Spoilers ;D "For example, note that [Tzimisce] is simply referred to as [Tzimisce]. Even here at the game studio, our limited mortal minds weren't able to comphrenend the creature's real name." Lovecraft only WISHES he had eldritch abominations this spooky! Ennoia is 'Active and scary' and apparently spooks the devs just thinking about it. Makes sense. "Giovanni (Augustus Giovanni): Augustus is a pig, and he should probably die as one of the early events of Gehenna. He's the youngest of the Antediluvians and probably possessed the greatest ego (in mortal terms), so it'll be cosmic justice when he eats it." I love how no one likes Giovanni, even his creators. Malkav may or may not BE the Madness Network, in which case they cease to be an Antediluvian and just become... a part of the Malkavians, I guess? Absimiliard may or may not be chilling at the bottom of the ocean, because mood. Tremere / Saulot is definitely a fun one to play with, yeah. Although, oof, if Saulot ever gets control of their shared body, he's going to be fucked up if [Tzimisce] activates, so. Probably better to create a nice fresh body, like what BJD suggests with the child Saulot.

Chapter 1 - the lead-up: Basically a rundown of the signs and how they're interpreted. "An angel dies: How does an angel die? Who has the gall to rise up and slay one of God's firstborn? Or perhaps this is another metaphor. An angel could be a pure and gentle creature, or then again, it need not be one of God's angels (not that God's angels are necessarily pure and gentle). A feared and particularly vicious Necronomist Tzimisce, Sascha Vykos is sometimes referred to as the Angel of Caine. Many would rejoice the night that Vykos died." Hey rude :( I vote they kill Michael instead. He wants to be an Archangel? Fine, he can fulfill a prophesy XD

Honestly I really do dig that Ennoia Earthmelded with the entire planet. You can go so many directions with that, good or bad! Ennoia as The Beast Below, or Ennoia as Gaia? (Wow, that'd really fuck with the Garou XD) I love how the general consensus on Haqim is like, no one knows if he exists or not but lbr Ur-Shulgi is bad enough. Kinda dig the idea of the Toreador ante, Ishtar/Arikel, being genderfluid? I mean yeah essentially demigods have no need for gender anyway, but the constant debates over whether the Toreador ante is the female Ishtar or the male Arikel (or, uh, was it vice versa?) does lead to some interesting concepts. Ooh, similar to [Tzimisce] being linked to its entire clan (and the Tremere, anyone who's ever taken part in the Vaulderie, and anyone who knows Vicissitude), [Lasombra] may be connected to anyone who knows Obtenebration? [Ravnos]... yeah, probably dead. F to the clan. And yeah I think [Tzimisce] is flat-out the scariest one of all, and probably the one most likely to actually start the apocalypse, lbr.

Ugh this is one of the books that calls Sascha 'it' :-\ Do not like. ...Also do not like the suggestion that they're an unknowing agent of the Eldest, given, uh, the last chapter of the DA Tzimisce novel. Shoo! Shoo! You've ruined their unlife enough as it is!

Epistolary material! I do dig those. Most interesting: a letter to Sascha mentioning apocalyptic visions of New York but with the Carpathians in the background, and an anonymous letter to Hardestadt warning him of one of his line tearing down a castle that the writer feels believes the Camarilla. GO JAN FUCK IT UP.

And on to the scenarios themselves!

Chapter 2 - Wormwood: This is an interesting one. Literally a Biblical vengeance - God takes a good look at the Children of Caine and goes, "Well, this is fucked up", acknowledges that Caine never really sought true forgiveness and repentance, and sets forth Wormwood, the Red Star. The truly repentant are saved, the rest just. Die.

Herald here is a dhampir girl named Alia - thinblood father, human mother. When she's twelve, she becomes God's chosen, basically. Traveling with three thinblood guardians, one night, she's approached a Gargoyle named Ferox with True Faith, who sees himself as a fallen angel. And Alia offers him a way of redemption - find the chosen true believers, wait out Wormwood, receive judgement. Anyone can seek sanctuary, only the true believers and the ones genuinely willing to repent will survive the judgement itself. Alia and Ferox set out to find the other chosen ones.

Whew. Very full-on - the players remain in one place with a whole bunch of other vampires for forty nights. I mean, that's a test in and of itself XD All welcome! (Except infernalists and the antediluvians and Caine himself. They're fucked no matter what.)

Like. All welcome XD "Some Storytellers might feel that this character roundup could get too silly, suddenly having all these celebrity Kindred get together for a big slumber party, and they would be correct." Fuck that give me a slumber party AU XD

Am very glad about the note that the vampires inside only lose one blood point per 10 days, rather than every day. Otherwise, uh, it'd get gory.

Yeah, this is a really interesting scenario. Very character-focused, very introspective. All about the characters trying to work out what it means to be good people - not the strongest vampires, not the most powerful, but good people. Are they worthy of salvation? That's the crux of the story. Of course, it's very, uh, Biblical, heh, but it's first and foremost about morality and redemption. I dig it.

Also, giant vampire slumber party.

Chapter 3 - Fair is Foul: Ooh, this is a Lilith vs Caine scenario.

This one has the Withering hit in weird ways, including clan-specific ones - like the Banu Haqim only able to feed on vitae, then only able to gain sustenance from diablerie. Gangrel turn even more animalistic. Lasombra take to the seas, Obtenebration ripping holes straight to the Abyss. Malks, uh, leak madness. Nosferatu get even uglier, Toreador devolve into debauchery. Tremere develop third eyes, and yes, I did laugh out loud when I read that. Tzimisce... hmm... get a bit, uh, uncontrolled. And Ventrue find they can now only feed on... other Ventrue. Fun times!

"At your discretion, Lilith might be particularly vulnerable to Jewish True Faith, as the Jewish tales about her are the source of nearly every negative sentiment ever directed against her in writing. As a result, most orthodox Jews bear Lilith great contempt for defying her husband and her God." Yeah ngl I think she's pretty dang cool and I can just see, like, most of my ancestors facepalming at the idea XD;; Fuck obediance you do your own thing.

"Trying to work out traits for Lilith, Lucifer, Caine, or any of the Antediluvians would just be a waste of our word count and your time." I like the time they published a guide for fighting Caine. It was two words. "You lose."

Ah. Okay, Saulot in Tremere's body being taken over by the Eldest = scary, because have you ever been attacked by an Antediluvian wielding Thaumaturgy, Valeran, and Vicissitude at the SAME :) TIME? :) Yeah :)

Really dig the idea of Abel showing up as the first Wraith. The forgiveness element.

Overall, this isn't my favourite scenario, I think? It feels very chaotic, and while it's probably the most traditional to play, I'm not sure how much it literally challenges the characters, unlike the sheer soul-searching...ness of Wormwood?

Chapter 4 - Nightshade: Chapter starts with, "We all wear masks" and my first thought was "boy you have no idea" XD

Awww yes this is the masquerade break scenario! See here for my thoughts on that and how the Nephtali could be adapted to v5, heh.

Yeah okay earthquakes, volcanoes, and riots are normal enough. A horrible blood virus where it appears some flesh-like thing is living in people's veins and feeding off their blood sounds like something that starts with T and rhymes with Shzimitze. ...Probably. No one knows how the fuck it's pronounced anyway. Oops, those riots are apparently over the existence of vampires. Yeah that'd be... unfortunate. And more earthquakes, this time due to Kupala vs the Eldest. Whew. Red star, yep, standard. MORE earthquakes, this time due to the Second City rising. Sounds legit. Bad times all around!

The details on breaking the Masquerade are interesting. Basic emotions: denial, rationalisation, fear, anger, acceptance. The acceptance one is interesting, because I can definitely see some jumping to it straight away.

So, on to the scenario itself! Jan recruits the players to fight the... uh, mass under NYC. This is the corpse of the Eldest, which is more or less a giant fungal infection held together with Vicissitude, which frankly is just icky. This actually is canon-compliant with BJD, since it apparently has only just... dissipated? or whatever there, or if it still remains, it's no longer conscious. In this one, its soul flicks back to Tremere's/Saulot's body and wakes up, and basically every Tzimisce, Tremere, and anyone who has ever drank Tzimisce blood (which would be the entire Sabbat via Vaulderie) spontaneously frenzies. Godspeed. Cyscek, a Tzimisce methuselah, helps defeat the, uh, blob at the expense of his life, and warns with his last words, "The Dragon rises. You must stop it. Find Vykos. [They] know." (Okay yeah the text says 'it knows' but also fuck that.) Ooh, plot point!

Aaaand then they retreat from the battle, exhausted, only to find the whole damn thing broadcast on every TV screen, vampiric Disciplines and Cyscek dusting and all. W h o o p s.

Lots and lots of details of a major masquerade breach here. Hardestadt shows up and tells Jan he's proooobably gonna get Final Death for, you know, trying to save the world. Gonna share this bit because it's Very Satisfying.

Please refer to my tag #hardestadt has no rights ;D

Anyway! The characters now recruited, Jan leads them back to London for the Convention of Fire. He's working with Calebros and... like a bunch of others, probably anyone can end up here, so long as they want to actually help and not just fall apart like the remnants of the Camarilla (trying to diablerise their way into keeping power) and the Sabbat (...ditto tbh). Those definitely in attendance are Ambrogino Giovanni, Hesha Ruhadze, and Fatima! And lbr the Nod Squad are probably there too. As if Beckett would pass up the chance to NOT witness what's happening with Gehenna. And Anatole is literally a prophet of Gehenna! They found the Nephtali, led by a council of twelve, with Jan at the head. Name means 'the highest point' or 'no further' - as in, Gehenna goes no further than this.

Oh lmao here we go, the scene I mentioned earlier - Jan vs talk shows.

F to Jan.

Tremere's body (inhabited by Saulot) disappears from beneath the Vienna chantry. Tremere's body, with [Tzimisce] now well in control (having overtaken Saulot; Tremere, meanwhile, has taken over Goratrix's body, with Goratrix's mind stuck in a mirror... it's complicated), wipes out the Vienna chantry. RIP to the Vienna chantry, which doesn't survive in either timeline tbh. Hey, I wonder if that means that Saulot (in Tremere's body) is dead in v5? Etrius manages to escape and reports that the Eldest is now on the way to Ceoris, where it'll call all the remaining Tzimisce to it to become, uh, a part. Pleasant.

Everything between Krakow and Bucharest is straight fukk’d. Ceoris is the centre of all this - IIRC it's somewhere in the southern Carpathians, nearish Brasov. Either way, hell of a fight results with what can only be described as an eldritch abomination, finally both managing to destroy Kupala (the Eldest's goal) and reducing The Thing down to a human-looking body. This bit is interesting! Tremere (in Goratrix' body) and Etrius take one look at each other. "Master..." "I... I know. But where the hell is Saulot?!" Good question, because he sure ain't in Tremere's, uh, former body any more, which was in fact what was fighting them the whole time. Either way, Tremere-in-Goratrix'-body leaps at [Tzimisce]-in-Tremere's-body and diablerises his, um, former body, which must be weird as hell, then tries to turn on the characters and his powers fuckiNG FAIL. EAT SHIT TREMERE. And then the players kill him too and realise that over the course of one night they've destroyed the demon Kupala and two Antediluvians, Tremere and the Eldest. Not bad. This is the battle that causes that second lot of earthquakes I mentioned earlier.

Back to London! They find the mirror containing Goratrix amongst Tremere's belongings. Poor fucker sorry not sorry.

And now the players receive a summons to escort someone from Montreal to the Nephtali headquarters in London! Namely, a Tzimisce named Myca Vykos~ They've recently defected from the Sabbat and want to help take the Antediluvians tf down. (Note: the book here has reverted to using he/him pronouns since they're back in their original form, I'm going to keep using they/them because biological sex does not determine gender identity or pronouns goddammit. ...Anyway. I AM going to use the name Myca since that's the name they're using themself, mostly because, uh, 'Myca' is a bit less noticeable than 'Sascha Vykos', haha.)

So Gehenna has started. Myca's woken up in their original form and being like, "Hey you know what I am preTTY SURE I don't want to serve the Eldest" and promptly joins the Nephtali.

From New York to London to Romania to London to Montreal to London (...London is a hub world apparently), now off to Turkey, to Kaymakli! Which is actually a real place, my brother's been on a tour there. Anyway, this is the part of Kaymakli that they don't show the tourist and that's been sealed shut with lots of angry Cappadocians instead, so that was fun. Presumably Kapaneus hasn't been chilling out there in this one.

Also Colombia has completely been overtaken by the Sabbat so that sucks.

Into Kaymakli! Which usually doesn't let Cainites back out so it may be one-way. Don't worry, there's a ritual for that. At the bottom, they find Augustus Giovanni! Who is pissed off he never actually got to eat Cappadocius' soul and so wants to eat God instead.

As you do.

The book very strongly encourages the players to kill him. Just 'cause. Which is a mood, tbh. Killing him also reveals a beaten, bound Nosferatu, having been Giovanni's most recent food source. An F for Okulos. He's been there for four years, having managed to get a lost fragment of the Book of Nod for Beckett, who promised to come back for him and. Didn't. Which is just rude tbh and I can kind of understand why Okulos ends up betraying Beckett in the Gehenna novel but anyway. (Not canon as of v20, he's perfectly present and chill in BJD.)

End results - the fragment that Okulos went to retrieve shows how to restore the Second City, which holds a complete Book of Nod and may hold the key to stopping Gehenna. It's in Enochian so your player characters probably won't be able to read it (book suggests asking Sascha or Ambrogino). Next stop, Egypt, and a meeting with Hesha Ruhadze! Man this scenario has a lot of signature characters. It also suggests getting third parties in here too, so Beckett would actually be a really good choice. Either way, they find the probable site, and suddenly, a Second City.

Archeologists make grabby hands. Beckett, somewhere, is probably crying in joy. They find a vial with some very old blood in it that they definitely shouldn't drink because otherwise they'll explode (the book uses Sascha as the example here XD;; ). Along with some mystical enscriptions, they return to London and get to work on the prophecy - namely, it suggests that 'the gentle one' (likely Saulot) will die at the hands of another, but arise in a new form, and will stop Gehenna that way. Etrius, one of the only Tremere left and having joined the Nephtali, goes 'fuck it what do I have to lose?' and goes to find whatever new form Saulot is in (potentially can also involve Goratrix here).

Hm. Well. Saulot is apparently in a research centre outside Sydney. Apparently we're mostly chill with vampires, aside from Christians XD Go figure!

Apparently it's a cloning facility. One of the rooms had, past tense, a child, successfully cloned six-year-old, who was in perfect physical form but vegetative from birth. Religious characters will pick up that it's because the kid's body didn't have a soul. Now, it does - Saulot's. Having been thrown out of Tremere's body when the Eldest took over, his soul fled until it could find the most suitable vessel - a soulless cloned body. No actual soul to have to subdue. Saulot ends up reborn, albeit in the form of a six-year-old and without any memories. Turns out, the child was taken by a cult of Thinbloods, believing him to be the messiah.

Sydney's messy situation gets described here! Short version, Sydney's Prince is/was Sarrasine, who was a Toreador. Except he wasn't a Toreador, it was a fairly open secret he was only POSING as a Toreador - he was actually a Caitiff. (Except he's not actually a Caitiff. He's a sixth-gen Setite. Sydney is Like That, yes.) Given Sydney's independence from the sects and its apparent Caitiff Prince, it's become a major site of Caitiff and Thinbloods, which Sarrasine is just thrilled about but can't do anything about because he doesn't want to actually go 'lol I'm a Setite'. Anyway, either way, everyone is unaware of Saulot's return, so the players seek out the little boy, who's pretty spooked and confused. Asks the characters, "Who are you? What is this place? What do all these people want?" and his third eye opens. Tada! Salubri Antediluvian, and like the prophecy mentioned, he's 'unholy' and 'a mockery in the face of God' - a clone.

Back to London with kid!Saulot. The Nephtali have been trying to work out what tf is going on. A researcher tried drinking from the vial. It was messy. The characters might get some downtime. Sarrasine's followers may attack to try and get the kiddo back. Either way, everyone goes to bed, and wakes up to find a Darkness having overtaken the sun, which is generally not good for anyone, and Lasombra characters are just, feels bad man. The Veil of Darkness means vampires can be up 24/7, along with other things that don't like sunlight, and I imagine things like... plants not being thrilled. Also probably very confused animals. I'm not sure if it's like a dark atmosphere, or a physical body between the sun and Earth that just eclipses it whatever vantage point you look from, or what? Disciplines like Auspex, Obfuscate, and Obtenebration go a bit fucky. Then, a few days later, everyone feels a... Summons. For low-generation vampires with still-living Antediluvians, it's strongest. Higher gens with destroyed Antes, not so bad. So I'm sure you can guess what's summoning them.

Yep. Antediluvians. Banu Haqim are getting summoned to Alamut instead so Ur-Shulgi can turn them into an army against the Antediluvians, so godspeed resisting that, Elijah.

Off to the city of Gehenna (it's nearish Jerusalem). Elders of all stripes have been heading there to kill their childer in hope of being rewarded by their Antediluvians to get their powers restored, which is terribly rude. Indeed, the Antediluvians basically go, hey, can you not, and also can you start Embracing more childer for our armies, because they're not very nice either. Pretty much all the characters have been summoned for their crimes against the Antediluvians, and now they're gathered before them - Set, [Lasombra], Ennoia, Absimiliard, Malkav (as like... a cluster of identical little girls with glowing eyes because of course Malkav would use the Creepy Child trope), and [Toreador], who's so beautiful no one can tell if they're male or female. When the players and child!Saulot get there, they question him, but he's literally a six-year-old boy and is spooked. He also has the vial, somehow. Set takes it, and Kiddo says, "Don't drink it. You'll burn up." So Set makes Kiddo drink it instead, because he's a nice guy like that.

Kiddo's third eye opens. A giant black throne appears. The dozen small girls that are Malkav say, "Father's home." Kiddo!Saulot says, "No, Father's dead." Girls start screaming so loud people start bleeding thick black blood from their ears and doesn't stop until Set kills all twelve. A random stranger, now with their glowing eyes, steps forward and basically goes 'wow rude'.

Powerful beam of light appears. The Antes (aside from Kiddo!Saulot) writhe in pain. Angel appears, asks Saulot if he's willing to atone for all vampires. He agrees. Throne explodes, Antes fuckin' die, and everyone promptly frenzies and tries to eat each other, because vampires. In the aftermath of that, vampirism basically... ends. The player characters may be rewarded by becoming human again, as do a lot of Thinbloods, but most everyone older just, uh, dies. Vampirism ends, but the Earth has been saved.

That is... hmm, bittersweet, I think. It's a pretty compelling chronicle, very dramatic, but it's much less character-based and is more, 'the characters get dragged along to Do Shit'. I kind of like the idea of it being a story involving the characters we know, but for original characters, I think Wormwood is a much more compelling scenario so far.

Chapter 5 - The Crucible of God: Okay I'm tired now and this is the 'rocks fall everyone dies' scenario so gonna skim-read this one.

This is the chapter that introduces the level 10 power for all disciplines - Plot Device. The Antediluvians can do shit because they feel like it. Whew. Also, if an Ante spots anyone of their blood line, they can just make them... explode and their blood gushes into their mouth. Monch monch. Spot another clan mate? Roll to avoid frenzy. Just woke up? Roll to avoid frenzy. Good times!

And then the Tzimisce Antediluvian awoke as a mass of Vicissitude flesh fungal infestation with tentacles and lampray mouths and stuff and ate anything in reach until it ate, uh, every living thing in Manhattan. In one night. Bad day tbh. Eventually it burns when the sun rises, but what's left underground is still there and shit's still messed up. Like picking a leaf off a dandelion and it starts bleeding. Trees with faces, swarms of insects forming into eyes and watching. Nice and creepy. In the aftermath, it's basically infecting every life form on Earth with Vicissitude, which is distinctly uncool.

Absimliard has an animal army and currently looks like a giant humanoid jellyfish.

Oh boy here's the Banu Haqim part XD;; Interestingly, it's a lot better for them! Haqim doesn't eat his childer, they feel themselves strongly bonded to him but still maintain their own minds and wills. Downside, anyone who doesn't follow Haqim alone gets hunted down so he can eat them, so Ur-Shulgi's probably having a field day at being vindicated and poor Pyre/Elijah is hiding tf under the bed. Plus side, it only lasts a few months before something kills Haqim, so hey! And there's genuinely a way to become human again, especially for high-humanity, high-gen vampires, so that actually would be a genuinely good outcome for Pyre/Elijah.

Malkavians end up as a giant hive mind. Like, more than usual. [Lasombra] covers the world in darkness, then it stops. Ennoia merges with the entire planet and starts eating people. And vampires. And Methuselah. And other Antediluvians. She's kinda hangry at this point.

Tremere attempts to rule the entire world using the Human Genome Project as the true name of the entirety of humanity. It lasts about two minutes before [Tzimisce] turns him into a meat crime, along with, uh, the entire rest of the world, aside from the players, who were part of Tremere's ritual and thus immune from it.

Also Saulot, who they just met in the form of a little old man.

Turns out, he planned it all along. Lured Tremere to him, knowing that his body was tainted by using Tzimisce blood to become a vampire. Knew that when the Eldest returned, he'd be succeptable, and Saulot would be able to bounce out when the Eldest took over. Now, he can lead the characters in the only way to stop Planet Tzimisce, which is, uh, prayer and letting themselves get eaten. Could actually work! And you end up human again in the bargain!

End result - all vampires gone. Some of the more human ones do end up human again. Either way, world's still fucked. Open Antediluvian rule for several months has destroyed most of humanity. There are still remnants - former Malkavians who are still a bit weird, former Tzimisce who are a bit... Vicissitudey. Ennoia's still around! She's mostly chill except when she occasionally feels like rearranging landscapes. Otherwise, it's time to recover.

Alternate endings - that last one wasn't depressing enough, so here's a scenario where All Is Tzimisce, here's one where there's global extinction of literally everything except the player characters who gradually drop into torpor and never recover (or just flat out burn if they're outside), or there's one where the players are the only vampires left and start a new cycle with them as the new Antediluvians or something, oh and Caine's still kicking and is Very Displeased that God won't let him die already. Gooood times!

Rest is how to basically play it, and character sheets. Which go back to calling Sascha ‘it’ again *sigh* (And using the whole alien look despite explicitly mentioning that they look human again. Of course.)

So, final thoughts! Gehenna is... an interesting scenario. Lots of possibility for introspection. It’s very... apocalyptic, and that may bother a lot of people, since, well, for the most part, it’s going to be the end of playing your character as a vampire. Which I figure most people are playing Vampire the Masquerade for. So it’s basically either a hell of a finale, or you just don’t make use of it.

Favourite scenario did end up being Wormwood. I just really like the introspection and opportunity for hope. Did also enjoy Nightshade, but in a different way, I think? Like for Nightshade, I’d rather read it as existing characters working together, maybe as a novel, whereas for Wormwood I’d want to play it since it’s such an intensely personal kind of thing.

(I also still want a slumber party AU ngl.)

#vampire the masquerade #vtm #gehenna

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xenophanatic · 5 years ago

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Not my Austen???

Okay, I know this is going to be an annoying post for those who are much wiser and mature than myself. It’s like that college student who has taken their first Austen class and tells all Janeites ‘Did you know that the lake scene never happened in the book!’

However, I need to talk about two texts that are based in our reality, where Austen novels exist, that aim to celebrate Austen but - imo - they fail to either understand Austen’s original works or execute their mission statement poorly. These two texts are Lost in Austen and The Jane Austen Book Club respectively.

In Lost in Austin, Pride and Prejudice avid-fan Amanda Price, who is unsatisfied with her modern life and romantic prospects, switched with Elizabeth Bennett. She finds that not all her favourite characters are what they seem and unintentionally changes the plot to her favourite novel.

I didn’t mind the set-up. Actually, I found it quite enjoyable. However, some things were forced. Amanda, knowing Darcy’s arc, falls for it. By that I mean while before entering the world is in love with the character and wishes her boyfriend was like Darcy, when meeting him she instantly dislikes his rude behaviour, however then gets to know him and falls for him. THAT IS THE WHAT HAPPENS IN THE BOOK. So, as a fan - how can you not see this rude behaviour as just an exterior coping mechanism. Though I haven’t watched this series since it aired, that was something I remembered not understanding from a character point of view.

Though the series explored several secondary characters well, the main issue I have with this text is the ending. Amanda has taken Lizzie’s place and therefore her and Darcy have fallen for one another. Knowing the this is not how it supposed to end, she tries to get Darcy and Elizabeth together. Elizabeth this whole time has been living in the modern world and knows her existence as an Austen character who marries Darcy - umm... hello? this could have been a great existential crisis narrative, but lets ignore that for Amanda’s self-fulfilling prophesy. So, instead of ending up together, Elizabeth and Darcy decide to go separate ways and Darcy ends up with Amanda (leaving her modern day life), while Elizabeth goes to present time as a modern woman.

Contrast Amanda’s arch to that of Catherine in Northanger Abbey. Amanda is obsessed with P&P to the point where she compares all men to Darcy and rejects living a her life to instead read about Lizze’s. This is similar to Catherine who is obsessed with gothic lit that is all she talks about and has not knowledge of what is happened in the real world. She also projects her knowledge of gothic lit (tropes and plotlines) to her love interest’s life - which cause a rift between the two and others around them. In the end, Catherine learns that she should not live in the fiction world and accept the reality of life. She grows mature and marries said love interest. While, through Northanger Abbey, Austen tries to illustrate the downfalls to individuals who engross themselves in fiction and encourage them to instead accept reality, Lost in Austen encourages audience to submit themselves into fiction and reject reality. I believe that the creators of Lost in Austen - or maybe just Amanda - has never read Northanger Abbey. In my opinion, Amanda should have returned to her reality and understood that while fiction is enjoyable, it is not where she belonged. Amanda crashes into fiction, makes many mistakes - derailing the original story - yet gets ‘rewarded’ by ending in her favourite novel and male hero.

What about your career Amanda? What about your right to vote? What about any autonomy or agency you will get in the modern world?

In all honest, I would love to see a sequel where Amanda misses internet, electricity and Independence; or where Darcy thinks about what could have been with Elizabeth. I mean they were, in the world of Austen, created for one another. I dislike the ending and therefore dislike the series as it’s thesis statement is... Why can’t I be Elizabeth!

It’s funny how this text wants to celebrate Austen by creating something that she would not agree to. Not because of the liberty they took with her text, but with the message they are trying to send.

The second text, which I recently viewed, is the film The Jane Austen Book Club. I had previously seen it, but didn’t remember it or why i didn’t enjoy it. I chose to re-watched it because of my love for Hugh Dancy and how his relationship was shown in trailer made me want to see it again.... yeah... not good. It feels the mission statement was ‘Friendship, Love, and Jane Austen’, but really it didn’t do any of it right.

The issue I have is that there is so much going on... but nothing at all. It is all surface level. Most characters are also unlikable, except for Grigg (Hugh Dancy) - mainly because I like the actor. None of the romances were appealing, the friendship was told not shown, and Austen was discusses on surface level as if just in background... like a jukebox musical. Again, the best one was Grigg with Northanger Abbey because he actually put effort into it and I did like the Henry Crawford discussion because I agree with it. FannyxHenry Forever!

The friendship between the women, and the men, were so weak that I’m not sure why they are all hanging out after a year. Was the club that impactful to your life? This film was based on a book - which I haven’t read. However, here are some changes I would have made.

1) Have it a mini-series rather than a film. Consisted of 8 Episodes. First episode called Juvenilia, introducing all the character and getting the book club set up. Each following episode is titled by the Austen novel and focuses on the person hosting the bookclub for that month. Giving the characters a whole hour to explore themselves and the novel, whilst building the over arching plot. And the final episode titled Love and Friendship, concluding each character’s arch.

2) Have it more with strangers rather than friends. Or maybe even friends that have been out of touch - who got together because of an Austen class or something. Oh, maybe a recent death of a friend - therefore leaving the sixth place empty for Grigg. By having familiar friends talk about these books, there’s no character building - because the character known each other for a long time. The film also doesn’t given enough time for Prudie or Grigg to feel apart of the core-group.

3) Focus on female friendship. Prudie is an outsider and other often make fun of her or judge her relationship with her husband. I expected to see a scene where the friends help her out - like in Skam when the girls help Vilde and the iconic imagery of Sana carry Vilde. Have Prudie throw away this image she has and talk to the ladies about her fears and past. The girls talk to her and make her feel better and they all bound. But nope. Prudie’s arch was to make her husband read Austen... ehhhh....

4) Have someone else, other than Jocelyn, be the one to introduce Grigg to the group. From the trailer, it seemed that Grigg was someone Jocelyn didn’t want in the group because he was a man, but then saw him as a rebound guy for her friend and then end up liking him. I wanted that rather than Grigg clearly being interested in her and her stringing him along. I did LOVE the Grigg moments about science-fiction and Jocelyn’s arch of reading the sci-fi books as a symbol for letting him in. However, if we get this disinterest for one another at the start it would be similar to Pride and Prejudice, therefore fitting into the Austen theme. Though I liked Jocelyn as the Emma character, the P&P romance would have worked too.

I don’t know... I just want to re-work this whole thing. Ideally a Sunny meets Jane Austen. Old friends, that have been out of touch for years, come together after the death of a friend and decide to re-connect through what brought them together... Jane Austen.They find that they no longer connect with the character/book they once love and instead connect to different characters and book. Dead friend’s younger brother, feeling he never knew his sister, joins the club to understand his sister more.

Oh man I want to write this mini-series now!

Anyway, hope you enjoyed my rant. If you feel the same or even disagree, comment! Let’s talk!

#jane austen #the jane austen book club #lost in austen #xenophanatic

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demytasse · 5 years ago

Text

[Shinzaya] Hold Me Tight (Or Don’t) — Ch 3

Previous Chapters: Chapter 2 | All Chapters

—

Morning rituals were only good for their reliability—not their interest. They might conform with the trends of time; transform into something novel with new means to set the mould, but they always wound up a formulaic bore and predictable as the people who accessorised the unremarkable event. They were a mere bringer of happenstance.

Which Izaya's present gift from his trusty schedule came in the form of his nag of a friend who melded with the shadow on his left and sought to initiate any kind of annoyance. At the moment it was Shinra's hope to converse with an added twine of their dominant fingers as they walked the halls. The contact wasn’t needed, the touch wouldn’t be sincere, and their frozen palms needn't chill the both of them.

His attempts didn’t work, though he did try—and kept on—despite how Izaya shooed them away.

Izaya knew the conversation Shinra insisted would be a nuisance by default, but a day later in retrospect he’d claim that he prophesied exactly how chaotic their morning would turn, and precisely knew that detrimental intel would be gained as a result.

And if he told a soul, he’d explain how the giveaway was the digging grip around his bicep that demanded Shinra be paid attention—a tad different than the normal ritual.

“Come on, Izaya, listen! I have a brilliant scenario for club today!" “Can I stop you there?” “Just hear me out.” Izaya side-eyed his friend. “It actually involves studying, you know.” “That doesn’t instil me with confidence.”

“If you let me talk you’ll see that it’ll accomplish the opposite.”

“Ah, even more so I’m skeptical.”

Shinra huffed. It was fake.

Though Izaya could tell how patient Shinra tried to be as to not ruin what he’d undoubtedly planned in depth. Which meant he wouldn’t let up no matter how long the reveal was delayed or sidetracked—ignored with little success.

“Do I have the floor now?”

Izaya sighed, rubbed at tired eyes; revolved his other hand to indicate that Shinra should just get on with it.

“Splendid!”

He cleared his throat enthusiastically. “So like I’ve mentioned in the past, I’m aware of your proclivity to lust over my form while we change in the locker room.” “Shinra, you’ve never mentioned that,” he rolled his eyes upon instinct.

“I’ve never explained how obvious your voyeuristic tendencies are?”

“Perhaps you’re confusing me for you since it seems you’re the one paying explicit attention.”

“Well it doesn’t matter, you won’t have to rely on those stray glances and pitiably gazes after today.”

“Enlighten me, vice club president, what’s this supposed bullet on our agenda?”

Unconsciously they’d trekked an optimal route that avoided extra eyes and additional foot traffic. Still, Izaya looked about to make sure no one followed close enough to make a rumour of whatever nonsense Shina was about to explain.

“Well since you’re finally amenable I’ll cut to the chase. I've come up with a sort of team bonding exercise, a warm-up if you will, to ease ourselves into the ceremonious sex life we’ve yet to start. Thus, I propose that we entertain our teenage libidos with a rousing yet sensual strip teas—”

His perverse fantasy was cut with a solid body-check.

"Shinra, for the love of whatever god... I want none of what I so kindly prevented you from further revealing."

"You mean our bodies or the truth?"

Izaya asked deadpan, "wait...the truth?"

"Yes! Revealing the truth.”

"Which is…?"

"That you want me!"

"Rather blunt, even for you."

Shinra shrugged, "as if you don't know my spiel."

"Ah, so I do. In that case, I'll skip my own to save me the trouble."

Startled—Izaya’s hand was taken into Shinra’s grasp who sparkled in spirit.

"I was right then."

"Not even in the slightest!" He yanked his hand back, scowled while he rubbed the audacity off his skin, “don’t colour my response with your confirmation bias.”

"You're so cruel, Izaya!" Each word was whined in woe.

Stray students that Izaya feared would show up covered their ears while they searched for whom to grumble at, but only found a chilling threat. The few of them dispersed and abandoned the duo.

"Indeed, I am."

"At this rate, I'll grow old and undesirable before anything can happen."

"That's not my problem."

"Well I insist that you make it your problem! That way I can fix it just like I tend to your ailments and injuries. I won't be made a defeatist just because you adamantly deny the fact that you want me to touch you up—in more than one way."

A chuckle hung up Izaya.

"And what a touchy subject that you fail to drop. You know that I can turn you into the officials for your sexual advances and disrespect of my wishes at any time. Wouldn’t that solve my problems just as well?”

Izaya cocked his smirk and crossed his arms; expectant of Shinra’s surrender going without a hitch. In lieu of that, another form of hitch formed in Shinra’s breath as he remembered the time when Shizuo was turned-in for a dumb reason.

Still, his rebuttal was found after a shiver, hitched a ride from the relief, and realigned their pace.

"Come on now, Izaya, you know we both ignore morality; at the very least I do and admit it. So rest assured, I'll hit you up again with the idea later on."

"Oh, I hardly doubt that you will, my dear friend."

Shinra hummed—pat Izaya on the shoulder with a self-confident smile.

"Okay!"

His peculiar response ended their conversation on an awkward note, it really didn't go along with what Izaya said prior and if that weren't normal he would have taken offence that he wasn’t listened to.

Thus it was thrown aside in favour of continuing their circuit of identical corners and walkways; intentionally without a care of how close it was until homeroom.

Though the energy from before died down quickly before they started down a new avenue of discussion.

“But to be honest, I've thought about us more."

Curious of what necessitated a 'but' precursor and a drop in his tone—a mention of ‘us’—Izaya flipped attention towards his pensive friend. Whom was overly so and a little too unsure of himself.

"We're friends...right?”

Izaya tripped over his footing as well his thoughts.

“Dubiously so, but here we are."

He swatted his...dubious friend as if the tease would kill the heavy air; out of habit Shinra didn’t flinch nor release the somber tilt from his lip.

"Yeah...so,” he hesitated, “doesn't that mean you won't connect unnecessary feelings to us having sex?"

The mood dissolved into sickness as Izaya listened to the full reel.

“That's a boon, right?”

“A boon, hmm?'

"Right. I mean, it should be…" he trailed off.

"I suppose to you that’s all I am—” Izaya frowned, “rather, that’s what I am to you; a tool for your selfish whims."

Shinra readjusted the strap on his bag, further fidgeted to correct an uncomfortable hang that persisted its agitation.

“Mmm, seems you remember what this whole plan is for: to prevent me from shamefully disappointing Celty, correct?"

Is he questioning me with what he’s spouted to me?

"Tch, how could I forget the disgusting mental image of you two going at it when you keep reminding me of it?"

It was strained, but Shinra managed to slip into the reminiscent smile he wore whenever his love interest was brought up.

"How could you suggest that? Anything that involves Celty is purely beautiful. Which in respect of my angel I want to remain pure for her, despite my obviously tainted thoughts."

Once again he held some restraint and it seemed unbeknownst to the teen himself like he half-mindedly kept to an abused script rather than ad-libbing. Which Izaya decided to lean into the sudden turn as punishment or to defend his own feelings—both really.

"You do realise your logic makes no sense? Having sex strips you of your virginity."

"Naturally. Which is the exact reason that I’m purely opting for male relations, it's not quite the same as making love with a woman, but similar enough setups and motions. Therefore it keeps me a virgin in the important way.

"Although, if I’m going after an older woman, that is quite the perversion. Un-pure, in fact. Oh. Oh no… Will that tamper with Celty's purity if she goes after me: a man centuries younger than herself…?”

His prior confliction seemed forgotten for a moment as he fell into his practised character. “Get to your point, pervert.”

"Err, right… perhaps you know this, but it's said that only fools will rush haphazardly into things without regard. Which, one and the same, I’m that fool whom the wise men speak of; hopelessly in love and blinded by it. Where do you think that puts me, Izaya? I’m at the precipice of doing whatever it takes to fulfil my goal.”

To this he performed a hard pause and stared beyond Izaya’s sight into his mind, both conscious and unconscious; it unnerved him, made him sweat.

“I’m not the only one you could use. There are heartless bastards who are just as absent of a mind. Easier to puppeteer.”

“I don’t particularly have a deathwish, I’d rather mess around with you than wrestle with a dimwit beast like Shizuo.”

Shinra flinched in preparation of being mauled by violent repercussion as if said beast was actually present. If it was a joke to lighten both their moods it went ignored.

While his friend comedically struggled with traumatic memories, Izaya explicitly worried about himself. How the previous implication deemed their friendly get-togethers more as a requirement of acquaintances to fulfil a specific purpose.

Izaya watched Shinra emote through a summoned monologue while stuck on mute. His mouth flapped silently, looked playful a few separate times while he nudged Izaya with a wry wink. His bright smile would immediately fall whenever he didn’t get a response before he'd continue—defeated.

Whatever he rambled was in vain.

Though the absent audio made Izaya's internal voice scream.

Somewhere within him nagged a question of if he’d actually made up his mind—if he really wanted none of the sexual intimacy that Shinra kept offering, with or without either of them smitten. He didn’t and he wasn’t, he really wanted none of that baggage.

Yet there was tension, and it’d been eating away at his brain; the swirls of muscle that had become a victim of jealousy, a parasite that started to take over his rationale, motor skills, and more.

"...plus he's not as much my type aesthetically unlike y—"

Shinra turned mute for real as he went stiff —was killed on the spot, stood a corpse in rigour mortis.

At the changed demeanour Izaya scrunched his features to a focal point, that is until he looked down the hall. It appeared that the devil was summoned by his repeated mention—Shizuo, the dolt who'd surely wreck both of their mornings.

Moderately, Shinra began to shake. "Oh god, he heard me."

Given the grim aura that surrounded Shizuo, Izaya gathered that he was one agitation away from ornery, which bode terribly.

Izaya masked his nerves with a sigh, "Shinra that's improbable. Maybe not impossible, considering his inhuman hearing, but—"

"The hell did you manipulative bastards do?!"

As if to prove the hypothesis, Shizuo locked sight on them, his ornery scowl confirmed; with a chip on his shoulder, a prominent rip on his jacket’s shoulder.

Decidedly he must have read their racked nerves as damnation of some ploy that hadn’t been actioned, or maybe it had, Izaya wasn’t sure if Shinra had set up something fishy.

"Surprising as it is for your amateur reasoning, Detective Gumshoe, we did nothing."

Shizuo looked between Izaya and Shinra in doubt and looped through his scrutiny again. Oddly enough he settled shifty eyes on the other teen though targeted both of them—just to be unfair.

"Eep!!" Shinra weaved a hyperbolic squeal into his legitimate reason to falter.

Though there wasn’t an excuse for his dart around Izaya to create a safe base out of him, both slim and inefficient. Especially there wasn’t a good reason for Shinra to grasp onto his cover, nor was there to hold his waist fake means to stabilise himself before he wrapped them around front. It was too intimate a hold for the hostile setting, but the teen kept to his whim.

Ah...perhaps this was planned...

Shinra perched his chin on Izaya's shoulder to keep watch of their enemy.

"Prove I'm innocent, Izaya!"

"Like hell he's innocent!" Shizuo yelled.

In one sense Shinra couldn’t be proven guilty, but he wasn’t innocent. He took advantage of Izaya’s skyrocketed endorphins as Shizuo trudged closer—he pilfered them, used them. Subtly nuzzled a spot behind his ear; continued his act, but seemed flustered as his breath was shallow from underlined fear, yet focused.

It was that manipulative sway Izaya swore he liked, but now he felt betrayed by his propensity to love anything off-kilter.

Anger ran up his spine and ended in a shudder around the spot Shinra laid his head. His pulse raced furthermore as a palm rolled discreetly under his jacket and flattened upon his heart to monitor its speed.

Shinra spoke. It was loud enough to combat the hallway chatter—clearly the beast as well—but went unheard by anyone other than his victim.

“Interesting, fear really does bring you excitement. I should’ve known...”

Shinra hummed uncharacteristically pleased for scientific discovery. That or Izaya's preference had grown askew over time and made a calculated tone of a scientist attractive, repulsive given the circumstances. Though that preference could possibly be tied to his personal inspector who tested his fortitude against prior jealousy.

For a second he swore he felt their pulse sync up with the heartbeat against his back. Enough to count for evidence that maybe… Shinra toyed with both their feelings.

Regardless of what he had done to invoke Shizuo's wrath as a trap, Izaya felt he was made a lab rat, a joke.

As Shizuo swiftly decreased the space between them, he turned against his friend.

Two can play this game, asshole.

Within the last moment, Izaya overlapped their hands in tender opposition of the aggressive atmosphere, which shocked Shinra. Izaya used the opportunity to pry the leech from his back and shoved him into the battlefield.

"W-woah!"

Shinra spun and tripped, and by the look of it, his fear shot up to one-hundred percent genuine.

"Shizu-chan," Izaya smirked, "have at him."

"Seriously?!" Shinra staggered off to evade—sounded a hair amused, but looked terrified as Shizuo picked up speed.

"Don't start acting like that damn bastard, Shiiinrrraaa!"

In the distance, they were now a pair of ants.

Left on the sidelines, Izaya mused.

"You know…”

His hands formed a frame out in front of him with an eye closed for better focus.

“I don't see how anyone could get tired of this show like they do with Shizu-chan and me.”

He clicked a fake shutter, “they must have no appreciation for good humour." Izaya wished he had an actual camera to photograph his revenge—for precious school memories soon to end, not to mention good blackmail. In spite of that, he hoped Shinra would forget the discovery he made in the heat of the moment. Anything more discovered of him in that fashion would be worse than a public downfall, it would be a private tragedy. And really, it wasn’t just that he may get a bit…excited in dangerous situations; honestly, that should’ve been obvious and he knew Shinra knew that. It was probably an excuse for his shitty friend to associate sexual excitement with himself. It was a flimsy experiment with failed results, but only because Izaya already got that sort of reaction when it involved Shinra.

As his hands slid from the air into his pockets he willed his rampant pulse to normalise—much to his dismay, it didn't budge.

“My, what a pickle he’s stuck me in.”

His mood soured just like vinegar and salt, with the purpose of the sexual endeavour fresh on his mind. What his fool reminded him of—rather not his, but it was easier to say and pleasant ring.

Shinra played with his sweet spots and weaknesses; he did it too well like he paid unnecessary attention to someone who was just a target for his ploy. That in and of itself was trouble.

Izaya skipped class and club alike—he lacked the energy to struggle through their time together alone. That and he couldn't stop focussing on the undeterminable expression Shinra wore while they exchanged souls…

“...I’m at the precipice of doing whatever it takes to fulfil my goal…”

Correct him if that didn’t feel like a hint for him to pick up.

—

AN: What a slog writing this has been, ahaha...

#shinzaya #izashin #kishitani shinra #orihara izaya #shinra kishitani #izaya orihara #durarara!!#durarara #durarara rare pair #durarara fanfiction #drrr!!#drrr #shinra x izaya #izaya x shinra #fanfic #fanfiction #demytasse fanfiction #shinzaya hold me tight or don't

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crowgale · 6 years ago

Text

Delphini AU 1.

Anybody else think the 8th Harry Potter book would have been entirely more interesting if Delphini Riddle wasn't revealed to be Voldemorts hammy daughter until the very end.

Like, sure, have the time travel nonsense with Albus and Scorpius but instead of Delphini going 'Plot twist I'm evil', with the time turner. Have her story told and hint at her heritage.

She was raised in isolation. She didn't have friends or a real family. Her step-father was in Azkaban and Eupemia Rowle only adopted her in exchange for gold, and by Delphini's admission she didn't really care about her... which when you consider that JKR doesn't know how to handle childhood abuse (*cough* the Dursley's) this is code for 'She was an abusive asshole'.

Now sure as she grew older and more bold she would ask why she could never leave the house and make friends. Why she couldn't go to hogwarts despite being a witch? Which would only lead to more of that nameless pain.

And any child in an abusive household would know that the desire to break free and live your own life, away from the neglect and hurt, is immensely strong. Because you'd rather be alone in the world than live in a house that never felt like home.

So, when her father is finally released from Azkaban or escaped it by some unfathomable means and meets her, telling her of her true parentage and the prophesy she is supposedly meant to fulfil, she isn't immediately on board.

I don't know about you but if you find out your parents were Tom Riddle and Bellatrix Lestrange, the most dangerous dark lord of the recent era and his most loyal and sadistic lieutenant respecticely, you wouldn't immediately idolise them.

She would have been a confused lonely 15 year old with a hunger to explore the world beyond the walls of the house she rarely left, a dark curiosity, a thirst for knowledge and perhaps, given her age and experiances until that time, perhaps even a little bit brave.

If she had gone to Hogwarts there is no doubt that she would have been a hallion. A daughter of the devil with twice the charm. But she never went to Hogwarts, she never got to be the impish student everyone her age should have been... so with the truth burning into her mind she makes her plans to runaway from the Rowle household.

The day of her 16th birthday she leaves in the dead of night, with an enchanted satchel containing an old camping kit (Ironically much like the one Hermione had during the Deathly Hallows) she stole from Eupemia's attic and a disheveled coat.

Unknowingly she is seen leaving by Euphemia, but she allows her to go. So long as she doesn't reveal that Delphini is gone, she'll still get paid by her benefactor. She didn't care for her before, why start now?

Delphini doesn't make it far before the Nightbus pulls up beside her. She's confused at first but boards anyway.

She's gets left off at the Leaky Cauldron, having figured out by stray Daily Prophets that Euphemia left around the house that this building had some connection to Diagon Alley.

Tom, the owner, is confused at first at the arrival of a young witch looking for directions to Diagon Alley, surely she knows she need only tap the stones out back with her wand to enter. But she answers such questions with lies.

"I'm from abroad"; she says, "My wand broke and I'm in need of a replacement"

She has no wand. She knows all the spells but she never got a wand.

Tom is skeptical but allows her to pass into Diagon Alley anyway. This young woman may have looked like she was lost but not like she'd cause trouble.

Her wonderment as she crossed the threshold into Diagon Alley went unnoticed by all as dawn cracked upon the secluded corner of Wizarding London.

But she had an objective, and she needed to figure out where she belonged in this world.

She wanders aimlessly, passing bookshops that looked too busy to pass unnoticed in, until she finds a library full of knowledge and information with the seclusion she needs.

And needed it she did, for she is horrified by what she finds.

Countless books detailing the Battle of Hogwarts, the First and Second Wizarding War and the History of Voldemort. Terrible events that Delphini finds herself horrified to discover but she can't pull herself away from.

Thousands upon thousands dead, both muggle and wizard alike. Familes torn apart and destroyed in a maelstrom of chaos and hatred... and the cause of it all, her father!

And at his side creating a trail of blood and death of her own, was her mother!

The words of the prophesy echo in her ears.

"When spares are spared, when time is turned, when unseen children murder their fathers, will the dark lord return"

A day in the library is all she needed to figure out what it all means.

But she feels no sense of duty, no loyalty to the dead, no desire to see the world her father wanted to come into being.

It becomes clear to her why she was raised alone in the world. Why she never got the hogwarts letter on her 11th birthday. Why she never got a wand or a familar. Why her only parental figure treated her like she was nothing.

She was born as Voldemort's daughter, and raised to be his successor. Deprived of love, companionship and joy, she was expected to drown in her hatred and apathy and become a Dark Lord in her own right. One more terrible than her father ever would be.

But Delphini entered that library wishing to understand her place in the world... and she left at dusk wishing she had never been born.

She couldn't return to the Rowle household, nothing could make her return to that cold, uncaring house.

But she dared to tempt fate as she looked at Gringotts with tired, bloodshot eyes.

The bank was empty when she arrived, but she got the feeling if she had entered in the middle of their busiest day, every Goblin would have stopped and stared at her.

They knew who she was... she had never met a Goblin before, but she recognised the fear in their eyes.

She is silent and scared until an elderly looking Goblin appoaches her and leads her deeper into the building. First to a sort of board room to explain her financial circumstances.

She had supposed that her Mother would have cherished her existance in her delusional love of the Dark Lord, hense why she had entered Gringotts. She was in need of money. She couldn't just enter one of the buildings in Diagon Alley and ask for a job. (She had OWL and NEWT equivalents but not particularly good grades, a result of Eupemia's impatience and her refusal to provide her with useful textbooks, opting for older, outdated books).

She had indeed been left a large sum of money, as per a will her mother wrote... but she was surprised and anxious to learn her father had a will under his forgotten name, leaving everything he had left to her.

Lead to a rail car, Delphini and the elder Goblin (Who Delphi was now certain was only guiding her due to an unbreakable vow he had forced to make years beforehand) descended by railcar into the caverns beneath London.

The first vault they stopped at was her mothers, untouched since the days of the 2nd Wizarding War and still bearing the damage of dragon fire on its walls. But there was gold inside, that was all she really cared about.

The second vault, Tom Riddle's vault, required deeper desension. Travelling lower and lower into the darkness, until the air became freezing cold and the shadows all consuming... until the only thing Delphi could hear was the roar of a river in the darkness, then the silent howl of a tunnel. Exiting that the air grew warm and the erie glow of lava could be seen deep below the rails.

She had heard that Hogwarts was the safest place for Wizards in the UK. But if the Vualt of Tom Riddle was in Gringotts, didn't that mean Gringotts was the safest place?

Perhaps this void was simply never meant to be breached.

Perhaps Delphi had descended into one of those places that were better left forgotten.

Perhaps she belonged here.

They arrived at the vault to find it sealed shut, behind door after door of locks and enchantments that grew more sinister which each threshold.

The shadows on the walls seemed to move, Delphi thought, until she saw faces ob the shadows reaching out for her.

Some form of Inferi? She didn't know. She didn't want to know.

This nightmare continued until they reached the final door, with the emblem of Salazar Slytherin upon a vualt door with no obvious way to open it.

"Only a true heir of Slytherin can open this door"; The Goblin said mournfully.

Delphini knew what this meant... only a Parceltongue could open this door. And the words she needed to say to open the door came all too naturally to her.

She didn't know what to expect. A horde of gold or heirlooms? No, Voldemort only cared for power and power alone.

The door opened and sitting idle, gathering dust in a vast empty chamber... was a Time Turner.

She wasn't surprised this was the extent of her Father's affection.

Dead 15 years and still a complete dickhead.

She left Gringotts that evening with enough gold to tide her over for a long while. Of course she moved it all to her own recently acquired vault, under the alise 'Delphini Diggory'. She had read the name in the library. A victim of her father, an afterthought of history. She didn't care she was using a dead boy's surname.

The dead don't care. Why would they.

Passing Olivander's she sees he hasn't closed down yet. And knowing what this place was and that she couldn't stay inconspicious without a wand, she entered with a heavy heart.

Olivander does not question why a young witch in term time is here right as he was about to close shop. But a customer is a customer and she didn't seem in the mood to explain the sadness she carried with her.

He thinks for a moment that he hasn't seen her before but he's approaching 105. His memory has always been good, but somethings have grown blurry lately.

Hours pass as he tries to find her a new wand. As he explained before and as she had heard many times before 'the wand chooses the wizard' or in this case the witch.

She knew why no wand chose her. Somehow, they knew whose blood ran in her veins. They knew somehow they would be used for bloodshed.

Hours pass. Until dusk has passed and the burnt yellow of a London city night chokes the skies.

But Olivander refuses to end the search. He can't let this girl away without a new wand. It was his duty as a wandmaker to do so.

Eventually his search through selves of boxes of wands leads him to a section left untouched since the early days of his career.

A place he didn't set foot in for the longest time out of shame, until that fateful day in the summer of '91, when a young boy with a lightning bolt scar on his forehead wandered in looking for his first wand.

But Olivander is drawn here again. He feels something about the wand tucked away in a darkened corner, its box tattered by the passage of time.

He returns to Delphi silent, not sure if he is excited or terrified.

She lifts the wand half-heartedly, expecting for nothing to happen... but something does.

A coffee mug set on the counter by Olivander earlier that hour is filled instantly. Not refilled with coffee or a some other hot brew, but with soil.

And slowly from that soil grows a rose. A Blue Rose.

Delphi is between mystified and relieved, but elation doesn't come. She is already decending into a spiral of depression

Olivander, however, is horrified.

Delphi leaves before he can formulate a sentence. Leaving him with a generous amount of gallions to make up for the amount of time spent searching.

She leaves, her head held low, with her wand now tucked away in her left pocket.

A 15' Ebony wand with a Phoenix feather core.

A feather from the hatchling of the Phoenix that made the wands of Harry Potter and Tom Riddle.

She returned to the Leaky Cauldron and rented a room for a night but she did not get any sleep.

Her personal apocalypse lit her mind on fire as she held the time turner in her hands.

"Is this my purpose?"; she asks herself in her sorrow, "Am I meant to do this?"

The weight of the world was on her shoulders as fates cruel hands moved her fingers closer to the gears that controled the turner.

A flash of a world on fire. Of streets littered with corpses and the smell of death and shadow overwealmed her. And just as quickly she had thrown the time turner away, smashing it against a wall.

She could not do it. How could she have let herself consider such an act in her despair!?

And for what? For the love a father she would never receive? To dominate a world she had spent her life looking out a window at?

And now she was expected and prophesied to destroy it all???

No, she harboured no distain for muggles. She couldn't understand her parents ideas of supremacy when the muggle world was as incredible as the Wizarding World.

Had she not looked out her window for years wishing to play alongside muggle children!? Had she wished to one day, some day, become friends with someone!? Anyone!? The meaning of Muggle, Muggle-born or Half-blood was lost on her the day she tried to open the front door and received a smack across the face.

And so she decided, in the grim darkness, that the dark future she was born to bring about would never come to pass.

"I am not my Father. I am Delphini and I am free!!!"

Delphini left Diagon Alley later that day, having visited Twilfitt and Tatting's for a wardrobe change.

While there she would ironically meet her Aunt, Narcissa Malfoy. Though neither recognised the other; Delphi being just a baby the last time Narsissa saw her. They settled into an odd familarity.

Perhaps it was the hair that reminded her of her sister, Narsissa would think; or maybe the jovial attitude that was more like her niece.

She didn't know. She'd never know.

Of course she didn't leave without entering that incredulous joke shop she had passed the day before.

Though the name 'Weasley' made her heart sink, the practicality of instant darkness powder wasn't lost on her, but seeing the loneliness that Goerge carried with him almost made her decide against it.

When he spoke he would stop, just for a moment, before saying something witty. As if he was waiting for his brother to say something smart or humourous after him.

She'd find herself returning there just to check on him, from time to time.

Lastly she ventured into Knockturn Alley, seeking information on the location of Time-Turners and various other time-travel related objects not in the custody of the Ministry for Magic.

She would not bring about that dark future, and she would be damned if she let anyone else do so.

It was too late for her. She believes she was born with blood on her hands. No would know but she would carry the shame forever.

But if she could prevent the prophesy from being fulfilled and do some good wherever she could, then perhaps she could find some form of redemption for herself.

Comes down to it she'll suffer the hatred of the world, she can take it. But she alone would define herself.

In time she became like her parents; cold, manipulative and calculating, when nessicary.

And yet she was nothing like them; though her company often varied, from theives and rogues and slippery fenses, she found people who made her feel welcome and content.

Those who found a place in her heart quickly learned how attentive and warm she could actually be.

It surprised her. To learn how big hearted she was.

For a girl with heartless parents she had managed to begin digging out her own small place in the world... but nothing would stop her from using her inheritated gifts to undo her parent's legacy, no matter the cost.

Even if that meant sacrificing herself to do it.

#Harry Potter #Harry Potter and the Cursed Child #Delphini Riddle #Delphi #Harry Potter AU

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ch3mical5 · 6 years ago

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Series of lost

This is a chronological series of excerpts of poetry and journal entries that all relate to one another, or have some sort of thread connecting them all. Most are self fulfilling prophecies... go figure.

— late 2013—

I can’t have a sense of belonging with anyone anymore. I will always be detached... never integrated.

Before I would exercise a charisma that everyone appealed to, but nowadays it’s different... as I slowly coming to grips with the parts of me that are indeniable.

People want that charisma, they want to open up and feel as if they can resonate with someone. But they haven’t realized sounds only echo in empty caves.

— 5/2014—

I ache at the potential of old friends. Burnt bridges. How much better things could have been, how much grander life itself would be...

The fact of the matter is I am the one who set fire to a screaming child who was afraid to let go. But now when I look down, I see his burn marks.

Such a horrible pain and regret at such a young, formidable age. A wound without closure. You were the friend who helped me stand against the world. Only for me to push you to the ground and begrudgingly walk away. You were my greatest and most valued friend. To which I am now ruined, because now I know I will never have such a relationship like that again.

— 7/22/2014—

I visit Alister’s grave.

His body was lifeless, suspended by some invisible force within an open casket. The casket is made of roots and wrap his body like a rib cage.

Ironic, because ribs protect our vital organs.... yet, vital is an unnecessary word considering how I’ve been surviving.

Am I surviving? Or am I just wasting away? Soon I will fade into the background of the very reality that holds me together.

— 8/2014—

A new encounter taking me by surprise. Out of the calm eastern sea, a lion crawled from its depths. A giant, just, and ever most intimidating... yet fain, and fearful.

An innocent air, curious... cunning... open. I could see in its eyes a whole new perception, different than its kind.

— 8/2014—

The ocean girl. Harlen. I await for her. I can hear her presence through the air... she is out there in the ocean gracefully walking upon its surface.

I fear sailing, drowning, just to reach her.

Life is water, you can drown in it very easily.

Idealism... a downfall. But a tool. A futuristic sense, blinding us to the present. Insight detached from reality. While life can drown us, our dreams can suffocate us. Because reality is like our air.

Such perception is unnatural, but I suppose we all have our gifts.

I will be consumed eventually with something, and everyday I must fight being eaten alive. Consumed with an idealism shrouding ourselves with hopes and dreams that will amount to what?

Nothing.

— 9/2014—

There is a peace within belonging and a remorse about those behind. And an anxiety about the love that will unfold in the future.

The lions folly is entertaining, giving me a glimmer of hope. Yet something else is tugging at my heart that I am scared of.

I now know the answer.

I am scared of love. Maybe easy, but ambivalence rules infinity. And the end of infinity is certainty. I am never certain, and I don’t want to inflict pain. It scares me, but I’d rather bare others pain than my own.

Scared of loosing myself, my values. Slowly I am already seeing how Harlen will affect my future.

— 10/2014–

We will all lose ourselves. All we are will be lost, and we’ll realign ourselves to who we need to become. Needs become desperation’s, and desperation’s will destroy you.

Even in belonging and freedom you will feel the sting. Because liberty lies in death. Life confines my selfish tendencies that all humans are born with, such blunt rashness will take away my humanity... and become something entirely different.

All that is holding myself back is me. I am chained to this world. The realm no one desires to see. This existence forces me to be alone and want nothing but liberance.

Deliver me from my hell.

I am lost because I am found. Found by those I wish my future hold, but lost to know nothing will change.

I am scared of hope and loosing hope, but parts of me are starving to reanimate itself. I am horrified to see all this play. As aggravating as it is to watch, my character is deceiving, and the actor is truly psychotic.

— 2016? —

A new set of eyes pulls the metal tighter around the chain in my heart. I stand in wait to see how I’ll be strangled. Questioning if this is the monsters bite of if it’s just me being consumed with this tourchuous mind of mine.

—4/2017–

A tragic thing it is to start this page with stains. I guess it’s sad because when things lose their potential to be beautiful that thing loses who they were trying to become. The future self dies and all that was needs reformation. All that is... is now something completely different.

Just like ink on a page, life stays with you. No matter how much you shut your eyes.... because your other four sense will capture the sins and transgressions. My mouth I am washing with coffee and my hands I am soaking with soap. But I can still smell the oil of your skin and I can still taste the salt that lines you flesh.

Am I alone? Or am I surrounded by lights and alcohol, designed to blind out my consciousness and leave the only thing holding me together in the dark.

— late 2017—

I’ve been guilty my whole life. Maybe only recently I have reason for the feeling, but it was birth that planted this seed in my chest, it’s roots have been burrowing down through my sternum. They fill the empty space in my lungs and crowd the pulsing of my heart.

Maybe my tears are just my blood getting pushed out as the roots occupy more and more space in my body. And the blood the fishes from my nose is it’s warning sign of the chronic internal hemorrhages.

Something predestined. The guilt that had driven me to feel alone, disconnected, yearning to connect. But human connection is nothing but a mere mirage. Yet I year for it. I know what path I set down long before I fell.

—2018–

Where does my future go?

It seems to be caught up in the past... what ever self discovering it destructing elements that I have made, sentimentally haunting me for the rest of my life.

The chronic fear of loss... where did you come from? The only place left to look is way with in... the scary thing that I found. The one gem that would be a stone from Hell. Forged from my blood. The blood of a sinner.

—late 2018–

It’s the silence that speaks to me. Maybe because I know what it feels like to have air run its fingers through the hair of vocal chords, but all that comes out are inaudible whispers. I understand that frustration... when your lips can’t shape the sounds. Sounds that are your only way out of this hell.

You have the key and the lock is in front of you. But you are paralyzed. Maybe from the unknown that is beyond the door you are about to open.

All the monsters you’ve seduced into this door... locked away... will come out like you’ve prophesied long ago. In some demonic vision that’s plagued your entire life...

Would speaking be that bad? Even when you’ve chilled around the fragile frame just to get around to avoid opening that damn lock.

If I can’t open it... I will never hear your precious silence... would anyone else ever even consider it?

Would your silence compile and grow until it became tangible?

—2019–

I’m a child born with a scar on his heart. Each subsequent brush with depression would incise more and more tissue... causing more scar tissue to fill it’s place... just to be more callous and numb. Yes, that was my destiny. And it’s what I’ve become.

#poetry #poets diary #infj #pisces

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marigoldbaker · 6 years ago

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very really married (7/?)

read it on ao3!

this is not technically new writing; i just did a lot of editing and now there is more fic. since i last updated this fic in......november??? let’s copy-paste the summary again:

Giles and Jenny's flights to Sunnydale both stop over in Las Vegas. On the same day. Naturally, a chance encounter leads to a drunken marriage, one that they mutually agree to keep up for appearances.

Which is to say: Giles is going to have to figure out how to hide his fake marriage from his new Slayer (and everyone else) while also hiding his new Slayer from his fake wife (and everyone else). And his complex feelings for Jenny aren't helping anything.

Odd as it was, the memories of the night in Vegas didn’t satisfy Giles as much as they should have. This wasn’t something that he was used to. Generally, whether it was a fling or a serious relationship, the desire for closeness and intimacy wasn’t quite as overwhelming after the first time they had slept together. He and Jenny had consummated their marriage the night they met, and yet he felt a new, hopeless longing every time he looked at her, as though they hadn’t so much as held hands.

It took him three days to finally admit that it was because he hadn’t known Jenny when they had been intimate. Clumsy or perfect, passionate or passionless, he still didn’t know what it would be like to go to bed with Jenny Calendar when he genuinely liked being around her. Things that had once been sources of annoyance had somehow stumbled into things that made him feel…fluttery. Soft. The strangest kind of settled.

But the fact remained that Giles was not at all willing to make any sort of amorous overture. Jenny had made it quite clear that his romantic advances would not be welcome or appreciated, and abusing his position as her husband was a reprehensible concept. Much as he hated existing in uncertain-relationship limbo, it seemed wholly safer than making his budding feelings known and making an already strained situation more difficult than it had to be.

This all flew out the window when Jenny entered his office and announced, “So! We should go on a date.”

“What,” said Giles weakly.

“A date,” said Jenny. “You know, going out, seeing the sights, fun stuff like that?”

“What,” said Giles again. It wasn’t really a question, he just couldn’t think of anything to say.

“Rupert, you do know what a date is, don’t you?” Jenny was biting her lip, eyes sparkling. “Listen—”

“What does a date have to do with helping us look like we have real feelings for each other?” Giles asked with genuine confusion.

Jenny’s smile vanished. “Nothing,” she said. “You know what? Never mind. This was—stupid. It was stupid. It was a stupid idea that I thought would help us look married because why else would I ask you out on a date? No reason! Am I talking a lot? I’m talking a lot. I’m going to go teach class.” And before Giles could fully process what had just happened, she’d bolted, not even bothering to shut the door behind her.

She was moving so fast that she nearly knocked over Buffy, who probably would have fallen down if not for Slayer balance. As it was, Buffy had to grab the doorframe. “Jeez, Giles, you finally scare her off?” she quipped.

Giles ran through the sequence of events five times in his head. All the variables seemed to point to—but no, she’d said she didn’t want any romantic contact with him—

She said maybe, said an utterly unhelpful voice in the back of his head. She said maybe she didn’t want that.

Regardless—

“Giles, you do know you’re setting a world record for Most Easily Distracted Watcher, right?” Buffy tossed her bag onto the table, nearly knocking over one of the precarious stacks of books from the previous night’s research. “You and Ms. Calendar have, like, the most disgustingly functional relationship ever. Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s fine.”

“Thank you,” said Giles, “I think.”

“So!” said Buffy brightly. “That ring we got off that vamp last night!”

“What?” Giles winced. “Oh! Yes.” Attempting to look appropriately Watcherly, he launched into a detailed explanation of the very limited information he had, and did not think about how his romantically-challenged wife might have been trying to properly ask him out. Not in the slightest.

He really, really should have been translating, but the words were twisting on him every time he tried. Doom and disaster became date,and ashes was ask was why would I ask you out, and the Anointed One was Jenny Calendar’s lips are extraordinarily kissable for some absolutely bloody unfathomable reason. By third period he was frustrated, by fourth he was vexed,and by lunch break, he was ready to snap. He was a Watcher, damn it, and his responsibility was to the Slayer, not his wife’s extraordinarily kissable lips! And frankly, if he was focusing on a part of Jenny that was particularly kissable, it wouldn’t be her lips, it would be—

And there he was, yet again thinking about Jenny in a way that was thoroughly inappropriate for the workplace. “Splendid,” said Giles to the ceiling. “This is my life now.”

“You okay?”

Giles turned in his chair so fast that he overbalanced and fell out of it.

“Oh, god, I’m starting to understand why I have to fix you up so often,” said Jenny with a rueful laugh, kneeling down next to him and gently tugging at his hands. “Rupert? Don’t die on me, okay? I really don’t want to have to tell the morgue guys that you died falling out of your chair.”

“Truly an undignified death,” said Giles, his thoughts still on the prophecy that needed translating. “Listen, Jenny, I—”

“No, I, um, that was my bad,” said Jenny, smiling sheepishly. “I sprung that one on you and ran.” She exhaled, looking a little embarrassed, and sat on the floor, waiting for Giles to pull himself up. When he was sitting next to her, she said, “I don’t—um, I haven’t—”

“Yes?”

Jenny was looking at her slightly scuffed shoes. Fiddling with the hem of her sleeve, she said carefully, “I don’t think anyone’s ever comforted me the way you did last week.”

Giles wasn’t quite sure what to say to that. It took him a moment to finally figure it out. “The last time someone fussed over my injuries was when I was ten years old,” he said. “After that, it was all toughen up, Rupert, be a man.” And be a Watcher, too, but he didn’t say that. “I give largely what I receive, Jenny,” he said, “and while this—this whole marriage situation has been a trying situation for the both of us, you’ve handled it admirably and kindly.”

Jenny raised an eyebrow.

“Combatively yet compassionately,” Giles amended.

“That sounds way more on the nose than admirably and kindly,” said Jenny, looking up at him with a wobbly grin.

“Your asking me out took me by surprise,” Giles finished, “but…it’s not something I’m opposed to, if that’s what you want.”

“I think what I’m trying to get at is that I don’t know what I want,” said Jenny quietly. “This is a weird situation, Rupert. It’s hard enough for me to figure out how I feel about a person even without being fake-married to them, and…I thought maybe a date might help clarify things. For both of us.”

“That makes a startling amount of sense,” said Giles, surprised.

“Is me having a good idea that startling to you?” teased Jenny, leaning against him. Tentatively, Giles rested an arm around her shoulders, and his heart leapt when she didn’t pull away. “So, um, is tonight good?”

Tonight. All of a sudden, the words Giles had been poring over finally clicked together in his brain. The evening of the thousandth day of the advent of Septus—“Tonight’s no good,” he said weakly.

“Oh.” The hurt note in Jenny’s voice tugged Giles away from thoughts of the latest prophecy and solidly back to her. “Um. Okay. I mean, if—”

“No, Jenny, I, I still want to go out with you,” Giles said hastily, “it’s just that I was rather distracted by our conversation, and I need to catch up on the work I missed. Tomorrow would be lovely, or perhaps the day after—?”

Jenny blinked, then smiled.“Yeah, okay,” she said. “Tomorrow. Only you’d better not come home tonight all banged up, England, because we’re running way low on Band-Aids.”

“All right,” said Giles.

“Okay,” said Jenny.

He squeezed her shoulder. She surprised him by winding her arms around his neck, tugging him into a gentle hug.

“Uh,” said Willow, who had just come up to the open doorway.

“God, are they still in there being weird?” came Buffy’s voice from the library. “You’d think they’d take, like, a two-second break between classes or something.”

“Sounds like you’ve got business to attend to,” said Jenny to Giles, giving Willow a little grin. Willow gave Jenny a bemused smile back, then turned to hurry and chat more with Buffy about—a boy? Giles couldn’t make it out, and didn’t really care, because Jenny was now turning back to him. “I should go,” she said. “Leave you to your job thing.”

“Ah, yes, my job thing,” said Giles dryly. “How utterly American of you—” He was cut off by his own blush as Jenny pressed a quick kiss to his cheek, and could only watch as she pulled herself up and exited the library with grace.

He sat there feeling all fluttery for a good two seconds, before he remembered exactly what the Aurelian prophecy had said. Wincing a little, he pulled himself up to enter the library. “Willow, Buffy, it’s, it’s good that you’re here,” he said, still a bit flustered. Good lord, Giles, pull yourself together. “There is a violent and disturbing prophecy about to be fulfilled.”

Buffy, who had already been opening her mouth with a teasing look in her eyes, froze. “The Order of Aurelius?” she asked.

“You were spot-on about the connection,” Giles confirmed grimly. “I've looked at the writings of Aurelius himself, and he prophesied that the brethren of his order would come to the Master and bring him the Anointed.”

“Who's that?” asked Willow.

Giles really wished he hadn’t been so distracted while he was translating. “Well, I-I don't know exactly,” he managed, “a warrior, but it says he will rise from the ashes of the Five on the evening of the thousandth day after the Advent of Septus.” This, at least, he’d finally figured out.

“Well, we'll be ready whenever it is,” said Buffy with conviction.

“Which is tonight,” Giles clarified.

Buffy took this in. “Tonight, okay…” She stopped, eyes wide with horror. “Not okay! It can't be tonight!”

“I can check again,” said Giles apprehensively, blinked, remembered that the calculations had been the one part he’d managed to do correctly, and hastily added, “but it’ll produce the same results, Buffy, my calculations are quite precise.”

“You were getting all smoochy with your wife in your office!” Buffy persisted, a plaintive whine in her voice. “There’s no way your calculations could be perfect, Giles!”

“Buffy has a really important date,” Willow explained.

“Owen!” Buffy added for clarification.

The name rang a bell. Owen Thurman, one of the seven people outside Buffy and her cohorts who had actually entered the library to check out a book. “Ah,” said Giles, not entirely sure what to do in this situation. When he himself had spent the last two hours thinking about Jenny to the detriment of his translations, it seemed a double standard to tell Buffy off for ignoring her destiny in favor of a date. “Well—it—the—prophecy,” he managed lamely, “is obviously more—important?”

“You don’t sound too sure about that, Giles,” said Buffy, seeing his indecision and (as usual) attempting to utilize it. “I mean, come on, weren’t you just asking your super amazing wife out on a date two seconds ago?”

“You heard that?” said Giles without thinking, then went flaming red. “She asked me,” he added, then winced; he seemed to be digging himself a bigger hole.

“My point exactly,” said Buffy, looking up at him with large puppy eyes—a more effective weapon than any quarterstaff, and Giles resented it. “I can totally just take down this Anointed guy whenever he shows up, right? You get a whole bunch of kisses from Ms. Calendar, I hopefully get a whole bunch of kisses from Owen—”

That did it. “There will be no—no kisses,” said Giles too loudly, “and no dates, there is an important prophecy that, if not thwarted, could lead to the deaths of those we cherish!”

“Whoa, Giles, cherish?” said Buffy, eyebrows raised. “I just wanna go on a date.” She blinked, then beamed. “Aww, do you wanna protect Ms. Calendar from the Anointed? That’s so cute!”

“They’re so cute,” Willow added, grinning in agreement.

Giles really didn’t want his day or his Watcher responsibilities to go on another Jenny-related tangent. “If my affection for my wife motivates you to actually listen to what I’m saying,” he persisted, “then by all means, do continue to appreciate it. But the point remains that the dark forces are aligning against us, and we have a chance to beat them back. Tonight, we go into battle—”

“Perhaps I miscalculated,” said Giles dismally.

“I’m thinking yeah,” said Buffy, who was still visibly glowering.

Giles was beginning to feel very foolish. He could have had a lovely date with Jenny, and instead here he was, sitting in a graveyard with an extremely irritable Buffy Summers. “Well, you know what they say,” he said, trying to keep the conversation light and optimistic. “Ninety percent of the vampire slaying game is waiting.”

“You couldn't have told me that ninety percent ago?” Buffy muttered.

Resigned, Giles pulled himself up. “Well,” he said, “we've certainly waited here long enough.”

“Besides, there aren't any fresh graves,” Buffy added pointedly. “Who's gonna rise?”

“Apparently no one tonight,” said Giles sheepishly.

The effect this had on Buffy was utterly astounding. Her ill-tempered demeanor forgotten, she jumped to her feet, all but bouncing. “Then I can bail?” she asked excitedly. “I can go to the Bronze and find Owen?”

“Oh, very well then,” said Giles, feeling a bit irritable himself. “Follow your hormones if you want.” As Buffy began to head away, he added, “But I assume I don't have to warn you about the hazards of becoming personally involved with someone who's unaware of your unique condition.”

Buffy raised an eyebrow. “You’re one to talk,” she scoffed, looking affronted. “You married someone who doesn’t know you’re a Watcher.”

Giles felt her statement more deeply than he probably should have. The situation with Jenny was rapidly becoming much more complex than a fake marriage, and the things he kept from her were beginning to weigh much more heavily than they had any right to. He was doing the right thing, he knew that— “I keep things from Jenny for her protection,” he said, but it didn’t sound as convincing as it had when he’d first said it.

Buffy seemed to sense that change as well, because she didn’t press him further. “Well, I can do that for Owen too,” she said, and actually reached out to gently pat his shoulder. It was a surprisingly sweet gesture, especially coming from a girl who yawned her way through his lectures on duty and destiny. Buffy, Giles was beginning to realize, had different ways of showing that she cared, and not necessarily academically-minded ones. “And from what I can tell, Giles, you’re doing a great job keeping her safe. A whole handful of people have already died in the last month, but Ms. Calendar hasn’t even gotten a scrape, so—that seems pretty okay to me.”

“You think so?” said Giles, surprised by how much he had needed to hear something like that.

“I know so,” said Buffy. “Now can I please go find Owen?”

Despite himself, Giles smiled a bit. “All right,” he said. “Go find Owen.” He was, of course, bothered by the prophecy not coming to fruition, but he could look over it again tomorrow with his head a bit less muddled. After all, with things going so well with Jenny and Buffy alike, it was quite possible that there was a lot less to worry about.

This possibility was smashed to bits about twenty-four hours later.

“Rupert,” said Jenny impatiently, shifting from one foot to the other by the door, “what is so important in that paper?”

“Damn it all to hell,” Giles muttered, grabbing a red pen and circling the headline, then shoving the newspaper into his bag. Turning from the dining room table, he felt a twist of sadness as he saw that Jenny had dressed up, leather jacket thrown over a long red dress—she’d even done up her hair. “Listen, Jenny, I, I need to run a quick errand before we—it’s a work responsibility, you must understand—”

Jenny’s impatience seemed to dissipate at that. “You look so upset about it,” she said with a rueful affection, stepping up to him and gently straightening his tie. “It’s okay. Just—” Her eyes lit up. “Hey, I could come with you!” At Giles’s look, she laughed, letting her hand drift to rest on his shoulder. “Don’t get all panicky, Rupert, I don’t need to get out of the car or anything, I just—if you’re running errands, it could be nice to have company, right?”

Giles considered this. It was true that bringing Jenny along wasn’t the wisest idea, but selfishly, he rather liked the thought of having her in the car. Really, he only needed to check in with Buffy, and then he could—oh no.

“Rupert?”

“My judgment is compromised,” said Giles helplessly.

Jenny frowned a little. “Okay, weirdo,” she said, and patted his shoulder. “Are we heading out to the car?”

Giles tried to remember the many, many reasons why his job as a Watcher was a thousand times more important than Jenny. He’d been so sure of all of them, those first few weeks of their marriage, when Jenny was turning the house upside down and yelling at him about computers, but…he cared about her. He hadn’t expected that to ever happen, and it was throwing him thoroughly off guard.

“We’re heading out to the car,” he said with finality. This sense of utter discombobulation would exist whether or not he and Jenny went on their date; he wasn’t about to heap missing her company right on top of it.

Jenny beamed. “Great!” she said, and opened the door, extending her arm. Surprised, Giles took it. “So are you gonna tell me where we’re going, or do I get to guess?”

“We’re going to Buffy’s,” said Giles, letting her lead him out the door and shut it behind them.

Jenny’s smile flickered; she looked almost suspicious. “Buffy’s?” she said. “At this hour?”

“Good lord, Jenny,” said Giles, going bright red. “Do you really think I would be inappropriately involved with a student?”

His reaction seemed to satisfy Jenny. Her mouth twitched. “No, I really didn’t,” she said. “It’d be a pretty stupid move to bring me if you were. So why are we off to Buffy’s?”

“She’s got nearly seventy-five dollars in overdue book fees and she’s been skirting the subject,” said Giles, the lie coming surprisingly effortlessly. He didn’t like how easily he’d become accustomed to lying to Jenny, but the fate of the world did depend on it, more often than not. “I thought I’d talk to her mum, see if that helps encourage them both to pay up.”

“So we’re the library mafia?”

Startled into laughter, Giles nearly tripped on his way down the porch, and had to grab onto the rail behind Jenny to steady himself. She was laughing too, reaching up to grip his lapels, and—god, it was intoxicating being this close to her. A strand of loose hair had fallen out of her updo, and without thinking, he tucked it gently behind her ear. “Here,” he murmured.

Jenny’s eyelashes fluttered, her smile becoming something almost lazily flirtatious. “I could just stay like this,” she said, tilting her head up to look at him. “Just right here.”

He knew what she was saying, but—apocalypse, prophecy, Anointed One—Giles pulled himself reluctantly away. “Just this one library book,” he said. “After that, Jenny, I’m all yours.”

He did his best not to think about what that insinuated. It didn’t really work.

Getting out of the car, Giles glanced one last time at Jenny, who was cheerfully flipping through the comics section of the newspaper in the front seat. She gave him a little wave as he walked up to Buffy’s house; it left him feeling even more confused.

It was certainly true that his priorities should first and foremost rest with the fate of the world, and even truer that a Watcher could not afford to place love before duty. He knew these facts intimately and couldn’t bring himself to dispute them, but another, more prevalent fact had arisen: saving the world meant more to him with Jenny in it. Jenny, who didn’t know him as a Watcher, only as her fake husband and verbal sparring partner. He had never really had someone in his life who hadn’t somehow been linked either to the Council or to magic, and having her, now, indisputably added more weight to the importance of saving the world. Protecting Jenny meant protecting the possibility of—

Of bandages after patrol and laughing in faculty meetings and holding someone tight. Of not feeling like some chess piece in an endless battle that would inevitably cost him his life. Being a Watcher had given Giles direction, but the people in Sunnydale were beginning to give him a purpose. It went against everything the Council said, and yet he couldn’t deny that it was making him a much more aware and effective mentor figure to Buffy.

Still quite confused, Giles rang the doorbell. There was the thudding sound of feet on the stairs, and then, flanked by Willow and Xander, Buffy opened the door, her face falling almost comically when she saw him. “That’s Giles,” she said.

“We need to talk,” said Giles simply.

“Buffy’s not home,” Buffy began, trying to shut the door, but Giles managed to squeeze through before she could.

“My calculations may not have been as far off as I thought,” Giles explained, rummaging in his bag to hold up the newspaper.

“Five Die in Van Accident?” Buffy read, frowning.

“Out of the ashes of five shall rise the one,” Giles continued. “That's the prophecy. Five people have died!”

“In a car crash,” said Buffy doubtfully.

“I know it doesn't quite follow,” Giles conceded, “but it’s at least worth investigating.” He pointed a bit lower in the article. “Look! Among the dead was Andrew Borba, whom the police sought for questioning in a double murder. Now, he may be the Anointed One. The bodies have been taken to Sunnydale Funeral Home—”

“Giles, why do you wanna hurt me?” Buffy interrupted.

As usual, Buffy defied any logical expectations. “I beg your pardon?” said Giles, bemused.

“Hey!” came a voice from the open door, and Owen Thurman stepped through, looking a little confused to see Giles there. “Uh, hi.”

Giles stared. “You have a date?”

“Yes, but I will return those overdue books by tomorr—” Buffy stopped, then frowned, squinting at a point over Giles’s shoulder. “Giles,” she said slowly, “is that your wife in the car?”

Giles turned very slowly, then winced. Leaning out the front seat’s open window, Jenny was watching the proceedings with affectionate interest. He made frantic motions for her to go back inside, but she must have misinterpreted them, because she responded with a small wave and a grin in Buffy’s direction.

“That is my wife in the car,” he said heavily.

“So it would be fair to assume that you have a date?” Buffy finished.

“Um, what’s going on?” Owen asked. Willow and Xander tugged him into the other room.

“And you think you can just show up, dump this stuff on me, and leave?” Buffy persisted indignantly. “That’s so not fair! Especially since this stuff isn’t even anything—”

“Buffy, Jenny has been asking why I’m not around to spend time with her,” Giles tried to explain.

“Yeah, well, that’s the gig,” said Buffy, chin jutting firmly out, arms tightly crossed. “Sometimes you have to throw your awesome, perfect, fairytale date out the window for a lead that isn’t even really a lead. If you think this is something to follow up on, Giles, you do it, but I spent a whole night in that cemetery and nothing happened and I need a day off!”

Giles looked at the genuine upset in her eyes. He imagined what it might be like to be feeling the complexities and sadness of not being able to tell Jenny what he wanted to tell her, but as a sixteen-year-old. Really, he thought, Buffy was doing much better than he gave her credit for, and she did deserve a day off after he’d put her through so much the night before. “I suppose it was a rather slim lead,” he allowed, giving her an apologetic smile. “And you’re right. It isn’t fair for me to demand hard work from you while I’m going out with Jenny.”

Buffy immediately uncrossed her arms, once again bouncing delightedly on her toes. “Thank you thank you thank you!” she gushed. “And look, I won't go far, okay? If the apocalypse comes, beep me.”

“Is everything cool?” Owen asked, rounding the corner with Willow and Xander.

“All set!” Buffy chirped.

“Yes, and, uh, you'll face a pretty hefty fine in the morning,” said Giles lamely.

“Well, bye,” said Buffy brightly. “Don't wait up.” Owen at her side, she hurried out the door.

“Is something going on?” Willow asked.

“Oh, uh, probably not, no,” said Giles dismally. He had very much been looking forward to a date with Jenny, but Buffy was right. He ought to set a less hypocritical example. “I suppose I'll just go to the funeral home in case, see if anything comes up.” Without waiting for a response from the children, he exited the house, hurrying down the porch steps and over to his car.

“I’m guessing we’re not going on that date,” said Jenny, studying his expression a little sadly. “What’s wrong?”

“I have to make a quick stop at the Sunnydale Funeral Home,” Giles explained.

Jenny was now giving him a very exasperated look. “That is not a safe place to be, Rupert,” she said. “Why would you—I mean, what would—what did Buffy say to you that would make you think—”

“There was a news report,” Giles explained. “Five dead in a van accident. For research purposes—”

“I’m coming with you,” said Jenny.

“What—Jenny, no, I will not have you willfully putting yourself in danger like that!”

“Oh, and you get to do it whenever you want?” Jenny was full-on scowling. “It’s dark out, this town has a history of unexplained murders, and you tell me you’re going to a funeral home? Stick with those cemeteries I gave you and move on!”

Giles bit back a retort that her cemeteries were pointless to a Watcher, that they were all on sacred ground that made it impossible for any vampire to rise, and that he was a damn sight more prepared for a vampire than she was, especially since she didn’t even know what a vampire really was.“I’m going,” he said instead.

“Well, you’re not going alone,” said Jenny stubbornly, and to Giles’s surprise, she reached out through the open window, taking his hand with surprising gentleness. “You have a wife now, England, and I go where you go, okay?”

And there was something in her eyes that tugged at a lost, lonely part of Giles, the same part that leaned into her touch whenever she was bandaging him up after patrol. No one had ever wanted to go where he went. No one had ever looked at him like he was worth following—only told him that they would lead. He was possibly the most irresponsible, most utterly thoughtless husband on the planet for continuing to place Jenny in the line of fire, but having someone as kind and wonderful as her look at him like that…it was enough to make him say, softly, “Yes, dear,” without even thinking about it.

The Sunnydale Funeral Home was empty, but something had Giles’s Watcher senses on high alert as he stopped the car. “Stay here,” he said, getting out, slinging his bag of supplies over his shoulder, and crossing to the other side. He certainly hoped that it was just nerves, but there was still a pervasive sense that he was being watched—

He thought he heard a noise at his right, and turned, heart in his throat, but there was nothing. Relaxing a bit, he turned back towards the funeral home and found himself face-to-face with a vampire. To his shock, it hissed, an angry, primal sound, and stumbled back, holding its hands up in front of its face as though Giles were holding up…

…a cross.

Turning slowly, Giles saw Jenny, who was holding up a silver cross with a determined expression on her face. She grabbed his hand with her free one and pulled him roughly past the vampire, brandishing the cross as she shoved Giles through the half-open funeral home doors. “Get in!” she shouted, and followed suit, slamming the door shut behind them.

Giles was too stunned to remember to be afraid. “Jenny,” he said slowly, swaying a bit where he stood, “what—how did you—”

“Rupert, it’s okay, I’ve got this,” said Jenny quietly, gripping his shoulder to steady him. Without offering an explanation, she tucked the cross back into her jacket pocket, pulling out a slightly smaller cross on a chain. Quickly, she pulled the chain over Giles’s head, adjusting the cross so that it rested just above his chest. “Did you see their faces?”

“I—what?” Giles managed, still utterly confused.

“Okay, we’re gonna go with ‘no,’” Jenny quipped, smiling a little wryly.

There was a growl from behind them. Without hesitation, Jenny grabbed his hand again, all but towing him behind her and through the dark, winding hallways. Giles stumbled to keep up, slowed mostly by his whirling, panicked thoughts. Jenny with a cross, Jenny using a cross against vampires, Jenny steadying him—he was missing a piece of the puzzle, he felt sure of it.

Jenny pushed him roughly into an empty room, slamming the door shut behind her. Giles regained enough of his sense to first toss his bag onto the table and then help her in barricading the door with a heavy filing cabinet. It was clear that the door would remain shut for the time being, but not forever, and Jenny seemed to be coming to the same conclusions. “You’re okay?” she asked, raising a gentle hand to his face.

Giles felt a bitter taste in his mouth. He didn’t like looking at his wife with such suspicion. “Fine,” he said. “Completely.”

The filing cabinet rattled. Over Jenny’s head, Giles caught sight of Xander and Willow at the barred windows, their eyes wide and worried. Get Buffy, he mouthed in their direction. Xander mouthed back what? Willow, however, nodded, pulling Xander away.

“We need to hide,” said Jenny shakily, looking around the room. “Those guys don’t—they don’t mess around. Believe me, you and I are in no way a match for them.”

“I entirely agree,” said Giles distantly.

Jenny pulled open one of the morgue drawers. “Get in,” she said.

“Jenny—”

“Get in, Rupert, I can’t—please, just, please don’t argue with me right now, I don’t want you getting hurt!” Jenny burst out.

The panicked, half-sobbing note to her voice made Giles take another, slower look at her. There were a lot of emotions in Jenny’s eyes at that moment, but not a single one looked anything close to a dishonest woman. “Jenny,” he said, his voice softening. “Do you think I can’t handle myself?”

Jenny took a long look at him, and then she grabbed the front of his shirt, whirling him around and all but shoving him in the direction of the morgue drawer. Giles fell onto the metal, the back of his head hitting the drawer hard. Involuntarily, he grabbed Jenny’s hands, pulling her on top of him and into the drawer just before the momentum of her shove caused the morgue drawer to pull itself in, then slam shut again with them inside.

Too many things had happened too fast for Giles to process anything.

“I don’t,” said Jenny in the dark. She sounded near tears. “I don’t think you’re totally helpless. I just, I care about you, and this town is such a big, scary place, and you’re a sweet, incredible, wonderful person, and you always have to make things ridiculously fucking complicated, going out by yourself all the time and showing up all bruised, you scare the hell out of me, Rupert,” her babbling was reaching frightening volumes, especially since Giles had heard the crash of the filing cabinet hitting the floor and they were probably ten seconds away from being discovered, “and god, I know you probably think I think you’re helpless, but I don’t, I think you’re too damn smart for your own good—”

Giles couldn’t think of a way to keep her quiet for long enough to keep them both undiscovered. Coupled with the fact that, this close, she smelled of coffee and magic, and that he had just learned that his kind, wonderful wife wanted to protect him from the vampires outside because she cared about him, the conclusion he came to was both inevitable and very stupid. Grabbing Jenny’s face in one hand, he kissed her as hard as he could, winding his other arm around her waist to pull her tightly against him.

He was expecting her to pull back. He was expecting her to pull back, or stiffen in his arms, or hit him as hard as she could without making a sound, because no one was watching them and there was no reason for him to be acting like they were actually a couple. What he wasn’t expecting was for her to shift until her legs were all but twined around his waist, tangle her hands in his hair, and kiss him back like she’d been waiting to kiss him for the last three months.

And all of a sudden, Giles wasn’t thinking about vampires, or prophecies, or any of the things he should by all rights be thinking about: all that was in his mind was a desperate Jenny Jenny Jenny and it seemed almost unending. He wanted to flip her over, press her against the metal, but she had all the leverage and that was oh so excellent too, and oh, oh god, she was kissing his neck, clumsily unbuttoning his shirt, and he was gasping and moaning and she was hurriedly moving up to silence his mouth with another series of breathless kisses—

The morgue drawer door banged open, they were pulled back out and into the light, and Giles heard Buffy say, very loudly, “Oh, you have got to be kidding me!”

Jenny’s lips stilled against Giles’s. Slowly, she pulled herself up and away, and then Giles was staring up at the morgue’s ceiling while Jenny got up and awkwardly dusted herself off. “Buffy,” she was saying. “What—uh, what are you doing here?”

“I hang out in weird places sometimes, I’m a teenager!” Buffy retorted, staring at both of them with horrified eyes. “Why were you getting it on with Giles in a morgue drawer?”

“What I do with my husband after school lets out is my business,” replied Jenny without missing a beat. “Besides which, you can’t tell me this is the weirdest thing you’ve seen in Sunnydale.”

“Oh, it one hundred percent is,” said Buffy disbelievingly. “What, do you and Giles get freaky in crypts too? God, I think I finally get why he likes you.”

Giles made as much noise as possible as he got up from the morgue drawer, which did a thankfully effective job of distracting Jenny from Buffy’s statement. “Um, Jenny, I, I believe that the fellows chasing us are gone now,” he managed. “You should probably head home—”

“And will you be heading home with me?” Jenny asked pointedly.

Giles looked helplessly over at Buffy, who gave him a very clear this is your problem, not mine look. “In a moment,” he said finally. “I just need to have a private word with Miss Summers regarding what is and is not an appropriate place to, ah, hang out.”

Jenny considered this, then nodded. “I’ll wait outside,” she said, fingering her cross, and headed in the direction of the door. Halfway across the morgue, she stopped, considered, turned, crossed the room again, and kissed Giles, a solid, purposeful kiss that left him with a fluttery feeling in his stomach. Then she left.

“I need to bleach my brain,” Buffy informed him. “Seriously. I could hear moaning, Giles, that was not okay.”

Giles decided to ignore this as best he could. “Yes, w-well, two more of the brethren came after us,” he managed.

“After you and your honey, or after the prophecy?” Buffy asked, frowning.

“That’s what we have to find out,” said Giles. “I don't know what these brethren mean to do exactly. Find the Anointed, or—give him something perhaps. It’s all very vague. And the Anointed may be long gone.”

“But he may not be,” said Buffy grimly.

“We must find out,” Giles agreed.

Buffy nodded, then added, “I just need to get Owen and the others out of the way first.”

“Owen?” said Giles. “You brought a date?”

In answer, Buffy pointed indignantly in the direction of the still-open morgue drawer.

“That, that was, extenuating, she wouldn’t stop talking, she’s very—” Giles gave up on trying to explain and pulled out a handkerchief, working instead on cleaning his glasses.

“And for the record,” Buffy added, “I didn't bring him, he came. I’ll take care of it.”

“You can't make him go out there alone, we don't know where the brethren are,” Giles objected, replacing his glasses, and then realized with a sinking feeling that this statement applied to Jenny as well. “Damn,” he muttered. “I’ll search the morgue for the Anointed and keep an eye on Jenny. You—figure out some way to get Owen out.”

“On it,” Buffy agreed, rounding the corner.

Giles then did the quickest morgue search he could manage while Jenny was still waiting for him. As he was opening the second to last drawer, she came back in, still looking a bit pink. “Rupert, I know you’re all about the badly-timed research,” she said nervously, “but now seems like the time to make a speedy exit.”

Good lord. How was he supposed to keep Jenny here? “I have one more drawer—” Giles began lamely.

“Rupert,” said Jenny.

Giles gave up. There was only one clear way to distract Jenny enough to keep her in the morgue. Trying his best not to think too much about what she might think it meant, he crossed the room, taking her in his arms and pressing her gently against the wall. “I’d like to talk about that kiss,” he said, trying to bring back his flirty-confident voice from his Ripper days. He wasn’t quite sure if he managed it.

Jenny raised a hand, tracing his jawline. “Yeah?”

“I’d like to kiss you again,” said Giles, hearing his voice dip lower.

Jenny’s eyes fluttered shut, lips parted, her breathing picking up. She didn’t answer.

“Jenny?”

“Yes,” said Jenny. “Yes, please,” and somehow, even though she was the one up against the wall, it was her grabbing him and pulling him in for another kiss. It wasn’t as brutal, nor as desperate; this kiss, while still dizzyingly passionate, was softer and less urgent than the other. As she pulled back to catch her breath, Giles just had to nuzzle her neck, letting her hair tickle his cheek as he pressed his lips to her throat. “Rupert, we have to go,” she was whispering, but she didn’t sound all that convinced, and honestly, Giles wasn’t either. Outside this night, he wouldn’t ever be this daring, or this bold, and really, what was the point of leaving this moment for one where Jenny Calendar wasn’t squirming as he kissed a spot just above her collarbone?

There was the clatter of footsteps. This time, Giles thankfully had enough presence of mind to pull away from Jenny before Buffy entered. Without a word to him, she rummaged through his bag of supplies, finally pulling out a stake and beginning to hurry away. She then turned, giving Giles a pointed, panicked look, and said, “Make sure the others are okay.”

It was in this moment that Andrew Borba came up behind Buffy, throwing her into a cabinet. She fell to the ground.

“Buffy!” Giles shouted.

Before he could do anything, Jenny had shoved herself in front of him, again brandishing the cross. “Stay back!” she shouted, but Giles could see her hand shaking.

Borba shuddered. “Why does he hurt me?” he demanded, and slapped the cross out of Jenny’s hand, picking her up and throwing her into the crematory controls. Giles didn’t have a moment to register what had happened, because Borba was picking him up too, throwing him in the same general direction as Jenny—

“Ow,” Giles managed.

“Ugh,” Jenny added, smiling a little tiredly, and rested her cheek against his shoulder. “You okay?”

“Quite,” said Giles. He’d only just managed to slam the crematory door shut in time for Borba to burn. “Um, Buffy—?” But Buffy was preoccupied with Owen.

“So, uh, weird night,” said Jenny. Giles caught sight of Willow glancing over her shoulder as she and Xander led Owen out. He tried to direct a reassuring smile in her direction, but his head ached far too badly for him to really manage it. “Can we go home now?”

“Oh, completely,” said Giles, pulling himself awkwardly up with Jenny still leaning against him. “Buffy? Jenny and I will be seeing ourselves home.”

Buffy nodded, but she didn’t quite seem to notice as he and Jenny left.

The cross necklace that Jenny had given Giles was an antique, one carved with covert and meticulous symbols. Research revealed that these symbols were all protection runes, all of them meant to repel demons and vampires and the like, and most of them surprisingly effective in doing so. Obviously, a Watcher couldn’t wear a demon-repelling cross on patrol; that rather defeated the purpose of getting close enough to kill them. It did, however, lend some new clarity to exactly why every single one of the cemeteries Jenny had sent him to had been on ground where vampires wouldn’t rise, as well as why her face tightened every time she said he would be staying late at school.

Giles ran multiple magical tests on the cross necklace. Absolutely all of them said the same thing: that the necklace was an item meant solely to protect. And while that did answer any questions he might have had about Jenny’s feelings towards him, it didn’t at all explain her knowledge of vampires, or exactly what she was really doing in Sunnydale.

#fic #very really married #i never know when i am going to update things #but big 2019 goal is to finally finish this!!!#i have so much of it written already; it being done is. so seriously plausible

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airiat · 6 years ago

Note

for the detail OC questions! 28, 38, and 45, for either or both your girls!

Helloooo! Thank you so much for asking these questions!! They all deal with themes I focus on pretty heavily in LMNIT, so much so that Fjoara has even answered these questions before in her own words! Therefore, I’m only going to answer for her, and also because I lowkey haven’t developed Morvera very much yet. I’m so, so sorry it took this long to answer–I ended up basically writing a whole essay on this because you picked the absolute perfect questions to ask lol. Thank you so much, again! This was so helpful for my fic and super enjoyable to do.

Fjoara Ebonhand:

~ What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?

~ How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves?

~ What do they admire in others? What talents do they wish they had?

28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?

The driving force behind most of her actions is actually her overwhelming sense of fear, the biggest being what she’s tasked to do as Dragonborn (first dealing with Miraak, then defeating Alduin), and if she’ll be capable of carrying it out. When we look at the LDB from an in-game perspective we view them as fearless and able to do anything, but I would imagine the emotional implications of being chosen to literally save the world would cause an immense amount of inner turmoil, and this is a theme I explore consistently as it evolves within her. The catalyst for this all is her complete lack of confidence in her abilities in combat. She compares herself to the traditional brutish Nord warrior when she herself will never be like that. However, I think LMNIT will see her gain this missing confidence when she successfully deals with the situation on Solstheim, even if her approach is somewhat unconventional.

Later on, though—and you can already see hints of this—her fear becomes more directed inwards instead of outwards. As in, she’s afraid of her own power and its potential for causing devastation. Another element of in-game Skyrim is the idea that the LDB is very much a murderer, even a serial killer, but Fjoara is very strongly against using violence as anything but self-defense, preferring instead to be diplomatic or tactical. In fact, her carrying of Dawnbreaker, a sword most powerful against the undead rather than living people, is somewhat symbolic of this. She sees the thu’um as a weapon rather than a powerful tool capable of bringing peace, believing that the two are mutually exclusive. Of this she has said, “I have never wished to harm others, but the gods have given me a weapon that can speak an end to life with more ease than the sharpest sword, and with more devastation than the most powerful army. Yet, if I were to cast this weapon aside in favor of peace, I would bring upon an even greater destruction to all of Tamriel. Both my calling and the fear within me are inescapable. How am I to cope with being torn between these two parts of myself?” Once she learns Bend Will, however, I believe it will become a whole different story. That’s one for another time, though.

As for how Fjoara’s fear manifests tangibly, she would meet the criteria for Generalized Anxiety Disorder as well as Panic Disorder. When confronted with something particularly intense, like when she went to Apocrypha for the first time, she’ll most likely have an anxiety attack. If it’s something less severe, she’ll just shut down for a little while and become almost catatonic, though you can coax her out of it. Otherwise, she’s just a super high-strung and nervous person all the time no matter what the circumstances are, and will occasionally have panic attacks if the stress is too bad. She presents pretty classically, it’s just the things she deals with in her life are obviously quite unique.

On a less serious note, she’s really not a fan of frostbite spiders.

45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves?

Fjoara has held two statuses in her life that predispose a certain attitude to her: daughter of the High King who is next in line to the throne and, of course, Dragonborn. Both of these titles command a great deal of respect and an innate sense of admiration, but that then means an inaccurate image of herself is being projected onto her. This has been a huge source of contention for her. Before she knew she was Dragonborn and was only just nobility, she always felt like people were only ever nice to her because of that. This is what she’s said on this topic: “Back home in Solitude, I had become so accustomed to the delicate and inauthentic manner in which I was treated by my father’s court, and even by those whom I considered my friends. The luxuries and privileges afforded to me by my father being High King of Skyrim were beyond the common people’s most outrageous fantasies, but there was always a part of me who would have discarded it all for the chance at a real connection with someone. To be loved and respected for who I am, not because of who my father is, and certainly not because I’m now destined to become some sort of hero.” On top of this, she doesn’t really have a good sense of self because she has never really received genuine feedback about herself from anyone other than her family, who also have their own ulterior motives. As it is mentioned above, Fjoara at the very least knows what she wants out of her relationships, but she feels barred from receiving that because of her social status. This is why she takes advantage of an out that was given to her by way of being Dragonborn.

After she absorbs her first dragon soul (but before she knew that meant she was Dragonborn) and runs away from home, Fjoara makes a concerted effort to hide herself and from herself, which is why she “traveled to The Rift, the farthest possible hold from Haafingar.” In doing so, she also decides to distance herself from her noble identity by changing her last name and lying about where she came from. She also inadvertently gains more anonymity when she decides to join the Thieves Guild just by the very nature of the work she does with them. Besides, who would ever suspect that the King’s daughter would stoop so low as to become a filthy criminal?

Fjoara gets on really well with the Guild, and it becomes her greatest source of pride because it was purely her own skills and efforts that got her membership–not because of nepotism or birthright. I won’t go into the story of how she joined, but it’s actually pretty funny. Let’s just say Brynjolf never saw it coming. While there, she also develops a strong, somewhat romantic relationship with Brynjolf and eventually, she does tell him who she is. He had a positive reaction to it and promised to keep her secret, which he does honor. This was really the first time that she feels truly appreciated by someone else; even though he knows of her nobility, he doesn’t treat her any differently because of it.

Yet, Fjoara never really finds her identity in the Thieves Guild despite her sense of belonging and the second family she creates there. I believe that this sense of disconnection will be something she’ll struggle with for her entire life. It will be a challenge for her to truly name an identity for herself when she will have to fulfill so many vastly different roles, from the mundane domesticity of wife and mother to the last of an ancient prophesied hero to the familial burdens of nobility, and so on.

Despite all of this, however, people do actually really like Fjoara no matter what lens they are seeing her through. She is very personable, eloquent, and charming, and genuinely takes an interest in helping people, even if she can unintentionally come off a little fake sometimes. The Skaal respect her, the Guild admires her talent, Frea will become her first real friend, and Teldryn will fall so much in love with her. And that’s just the beginning.

38. What do they admire in others? What talents do they wish they had?

I get to talk about Teldryn in this part! The very nature of their relationship is a mutual, but unspoken feeling of admiration for the other. A sense of “I can’t believe you would choose to be with me because I believe you to be far more superior than me.” For Teldryn, he obviously admires the fact that she’s Dragonborn–that much is inescapable–but not for the reason one would expect. As he is a Dunmer, I feel as if the meaning he assigns to her being this hero carries much less of a cultural significance as it would if he were a Nord. Instead, it’s out of pure wonder at how powerful she is, her resilience against the tribulations she will have to go through at the hands of it, and the amount of cool stuff she gets to experience. The very first admission of his admiration for her was: “There is a growing need within me to provide for her and ensure her safety, though I know she is capable of doing these things for herself. I truly have nothing to offer that she doesn’t already possess. Her wealth appears limitless, guidance and accommodation are given readily just because of who she is, and her abilities in combat dwarf my own—a spellsword, like me, but in combination with that fucking voice of hers, she’s a lethal weapon.” As of right now in my fic, Fjoara doesn’t yet know enough about Teldryn to think any more of him than just that she is attracted to him, so I say this about Teldryn’s feelings for her to help illustrate the idea of her own eventual admiration.

The things that Fjoara values in another person are a bit misguided right now. As I said earlier, she struggles with her identity, and part of this is a disassociation from what she feels it means to be a “daughter of Skyrim,” a true Nord. Inadequacy is something that plagues her and this is highlighted when she says, “For a Nord, there is no greater shame than that which is found in cowardice, but it would be impossible for me to ease my mind of all fear. I still cannot comprehend why I was chosen for this duty when there are thousands of other more capable warriors than I. If I had been allowed to retain my normal life so that I could have someday utilized my skills to be High Queen of Skyrim, then I would have still held on to my honor. But now I am unsure what of it still remains, if any at all.” Therefore, what she admires most are the strong, militant warriors who know their way around a battleaxe. Another reason why she carries Dawnbreaker is to create the illusion that she actually is as such, but in truth, she is certainly no swordsman. Instead, Fjoara is actually a really talented mage. She studied at the College of Winterhold for less than a year, but she was able to get a firm grasp on Destruction and has dipped a little into Restoration, Illusion, and Alteration. Because of the attitude Nords harbor against mages, however, Fjoara doesn’t value this skill as much as she should. On another note, the “skills” she mentions in the quote are her inclinations towards diplomacy, leadership, and oration. As in, if one were to look at her skill tree, her speech skill would be way up there. Fjoara honestly would have made a really good High Queen, but that’s not the path set out for her anymore, and she hasn’t quite realized yet that she can still put these talents to good use as Dragonborn.

To rein in my tangent a bit, as with Teldryn, Fjoara also admires resilience in the face of hardship. She admires the fearlessness both he and Frea displays. She admires Frea’s selflessness and dedication to protecting her village. She admires people who have been through more in life than her and respects the wisdom she can glean from them. She admires Teldryn’s persistent good-humor in spite of adversity in the present and the traumas of his past. She admires Brynjolf’s cunning personality, even if it isn’t always to the best end. She also admires anyone who is artistically or musically gifted because she can’t do either for shit.

#oc: fjoara #lmnit #thank you!!

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kaitkerrigan · 7 years ago

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RUN AWAY WITH ME : Texas, Alabama, Mississippi, California

It’s daunting to dive into a song that everyone knows. The “hit”. Will the song survive explication? Will explaining it will make it less good? I channel my inner fangirl, pretend I’m not myself (the person who ran through all of the various options of how the lyrics could play out, who knows all the other forks in the road of the lyric), and I realize the answer is “no”. So as the creator, I take a deep breath and say, ok, my tumbleweeds, you asked for it.

Literally. I conducted a super formal poll this week on Twitter and over 200 people voted and 40% wanted to know more about “Run Away with Me”. Trust me, i was with the “Last Week’s Alcohol” camp. LWAers, I’m coming for you.

I think the reason I feel hesitant about this song is because I feel like I’ve said all of it before. I’ve taught it in master classes. I’ve written countless emails to college seniors who have decided to use it for senior showcases. I’ve watched videos of senior showcase mashups like this pairing with “Prelude to an Angry Young Man” by Billy Joel to showcase a young man’s dancing abilities.

“Run Away with Me” has been around the block. It’s had its fair share of interpretations. What could I possibly say that you don’t already know?

ORIGIN

“Run Away with Me” was a song without a hook when it first appeared. I remember Brian playing a truly relentless melody on my aunt’s piano. The scansion was something like this:

"Let me be your ride, let me be your home, Let me be your favorite place We can make a life, we can find a road, we can drive like life is a race. Texas in a car, Kansas on a bus, long as it’s highway and us. Throw away the key. Run away with me.

I found it exhausting - this relentless energy of someone who is determined to connect. It was catchy as hell but busy and unappealing when you put words on it. I put together some dummy lyrics (we learned about those in “Say the Word”) to prove that the music didn’t work as well with lyrics on it. (These are not those lyrics. I mocked these up from memory. The rhythm really was very catchy.)

Brian cleared it out. He asked if a version that went like this:

“DA da DA da DA da da DA”

felt any better. It did. And that’s how we found the scansion that ultimately became,

“Let me be your ride out of town. Let me be the place that you hide.”

It did feel better. It felt doable. I didn’t have the same instinct that I had towards “Say the Word”. I didn’t hear the music and cry. But Brian knew that he’d hit something sticky and he was determined to find where this song fit in the show. He was determined it was for Adam. He thought it came late in the show - an 11 o’clock number. He knew nothing else.

When we found the phrase “Run away with me” the song clicked in for me. I don’t remember a lot about the process of coming up with the hook but I remember a lot about writing the lyrics.

I discovered Adam’s voice in writing this song, but it also felt like it already existed. There was something I always knew and loved about Adam. It was borne of watching boys in college who were in love with my supremely complicated and high strung female friends. It’s not to say they weren’t smart - some of them were very smart - but they weren’t molded the way my female friends were. I was surrounded by women who had chosen, at 18, to go to an all-women’s college. That requires a certain kind of cognition about the world around you. Many of these women dated men but were loud, proud feminists. They were grappling with their relationship with romance, with being “swept off your feet”, with the uneasy comfort of feeling protected by a boy who can’t protect you because you are too smart to believe that such protection exists.

Writing Adam, and this song in particular, was an act of grieving for the kind of girl I would never be. I would never fall for easy romance like the kind a sweet boy like Adam would offer me.

WHEN IN DOUBT, TAKE A SHOWER

I hit my first real flight of inspiration - a visit from Elizabeth Gilbert’s “genius” (if you haven’t watched her TED Talk, do) - as a lyricist in this song. You can also call it getting lucky.

This song is the reason I believe in taking showers when you’re stuck. It’s a more concentrated formula of my general antidote for “writer’s block”, which is something I refuse to acknowledge. Acknowledging writer’s block is a self-fulfilling prophesy. Its existence is in your mind to begin with, so your conjuring of it confirms its existence. My mom calls it “gathering periods”. Everyone has times when they need take in culture, writing, inspiration. You can’t ONLY write. You won’t have anything to write about. Sometimes you have to breathe and take in other people’s creative output.

That said, deadlines are deadlines and you’ve got to get your work done. Rather than say, “I’m spent / I’ll never write again”, you say, “I need a shower.” Or I need to vacuum. Or I need to go for a run (I should say this - I never say this). I had spent the morning chipping away at the chorus and the second verse of this song, when I stopped to take a shower. While I was washing my hair, I came up with the entire bridge - lyric and music and rhythm and everything. It appeared to me like a glorious all-inclusive vacation to Hawaii.

I wrote it down, dripping water on my bedroom floor. Sometimes you get lucky.

TECHNICAL STUFF

Above is a little cheat sheet. If you ever want to sing this song and you don’t want to screw up the words, I suggest you look at it. Musical Theater singers don’t always think about song structure and that’s a shame. It’s a tool in your tool belt (like learning to read music - or at minimum learn how to fake it - I’ll save that soapbox for another day). Without understanding structure, you’re stuck memorizing a song from start to finish and you’re bound to screw it up. With song structure, you can look at the way it’s built and say, OH, look at the sections that are the same. Look at the ones that are different.

Most importantly, if you ever have to sing this song and you have a music stand - THIS IS TRUE WHETHER OR NOT YOU HAVE THE MUSIC IN FRONT OF YOU - write down on a piece of paper in massive letters:

TEXAS ALABAMA MISSISSIPPI CALIFORNIA

I cannot tell you the number of top-rate performers I’ve given this advice to. The ones who do it, never go up on lyrics. The ones who don’t ALWAYS DO. Trust me. It’s the least I can offer after not giving you a single bit of help in the lyric itself. It’s not alphabetical or even east-to-west. (My personal way of remembering is that Texas and California are easy to remember and the middle two are in alphabetical order. I’ll give a prize to someone who comes up with a good pneumonic - (Tell Adam M[?] C[?]??). It is just the worst. Don’t be proud. Be smart. WRITE IT DOWN.

It’s not entirely my fault. In my first draft, the lyrics to each chorus were the same. You can thank Joe Church, Brian’s composition teacher (and my de facto composition teacher while Brian was at NYU), for the devilishly hard lyrics in the choruses. He pointed out (and I do think he was right) that the character needed to keep upping his ante over the course of the song. I think it’s one of the song’s great charms.

I went back and looked at the chorus again and it’s a weird one. It’s not like looking at baby pictures. I’m not embarrassed by this song but could I make the decisions I made back then if I were writing lyrics for this now? Look at this crazy rhyme scheme!

By “crazy rhyme scheme”, I mean almost-no-rhyme scheme; I mean barest possible minimum rhyme scheme. Please give me the pleasure of enumerating the rhymes for you:

Kerouac / back and key / me.

FIN.

How is that ok?? Why does that work?? I’ll tell you. It’s two-fold. 1. character. 2. proximity.

1. Character

Here I go again. Broken record. Write in character.

Adam works in his dad’s tire shop. He’s not literary. He’s not “smart”. This doesn’t mean he’s an idiot. Emotionally, he’s swimming in the depths. He’s empathetic. He’s kind. He’s generous. He’s really just about everything a person could ask for but he’s not a brainiac.

If you had the unabashed pleasure of seeing Jay Armstrong Johnson perform Adam in The Mad Ones, you know what a breath of fresh air Adam is. He has a beautiful soul, but he’s the butt of jokes. Sam loves him but she doesn’t take him particularly seriously. When he says “I’m not good with words”, it’s important that you believe him. He’s not. But he’s trying. He’s trying to meet her where she lives. He’s using her references. He’s speaking her language. He’s a foreigner in a foreign land.

Making him a “rhymer” would be all kinds of wrong. He’s not witty. He tries to be. He says things like “Texas in the summer is cool”, which a Tumblr fan from Texas pointed out is just not true. But Adam’s nervous. He’s trying. He’s saying things that are lame. He can’t say “Texas in the summer is cool” four times over the course of the song, because he realizes that it’s not true as soon as it comes out of his mouth. It was a dumb joke. He has to try new tactics. His tactics aren’t working.

In his perfect world, he would have sung “run away with me” once, and Sam would have said, “Ok” and they’d go. In a perfect world, he wouldn’t have to say anything. He would fix her flat tire. He would work hard to make her comfortable. But he’s living in the planet of Sam’s grief. Her empathy is turned off. She hadn’t thought of Adam and what he wanted or needed or how he was trying to connect to her in a long time. She’s whirling in the new information that he would be change what he wants (stability, to run his dad’s business) for her. She doesn’t know how to respond and so he’s left floundering in a sea of his own words.

2. Proximity

Hot tip. If you want to make it ok that you’re not rhyming a lot, rhyme close together. I am getting so much mileage out of “Jack Kerouac, looking back”. After five lines of no rhyme, you get two rhymes 3 syllables apart. Internal rhymes make up for writing a character who isn’t clever. It allows the writer to still exert some control over the lyric, some order in the face of a character’s chaos. In terms of character, it gives a sense of someone gaining momentum. Adam’s finally gaining traction. After five statements that go nowhere -

“Let me be your ride out of town. [new thought] Let me be the place that you hide. [new thought] We can make our lives on the go. [new thought] Run away with me. [new thought] Texas in the summer is cool. [ new thought] We’ll be on the road like Jack Kerouac looking back, Sam, you’re ready, let’s go anywhere. [building on that thought] Get the car packed and throw me the key. Run away with me.”

The first rhyme (Kerouac / back) is an indicator that he’s heading somewhere. He’s finding some textual rhythm. By the end of the chorus, he’s managed to put together a bit of a thesis - a little serve and return (key / me).

It gives him the courage to go on in spite of Sam’s silence. The whole song is about Sam’s silence. It’s about him getting so caught up in it in spite of her lack of response, trying to build a vision for what they could have together. You’ve been there, right? Those moments where it feels like if you just keep talking, you won’t have to face the possibility that you won’t be met halfway?

Time and time again, I read comments on YouTube and elsewhere: “I wish my name was Sam. I’d run away with you.” It’s essential that Adam’s desire for Sam is genuine and romantic and that his enthusiasm is infectious. You have to want her to want to go. But in the context of the show, you have to know that it will never work. She will never be able to say yes to him. She doesn’t know that before the song begins but by the time it ends, his fate is sealed. This isn’t actually a song about romance. Not for Sam. For Sam, who we’ve spent the last 75 minutes examining, this moment is filled with dread. You’re watching someone you love say all the things that make it impossible for you to be together.

I remember - after writing this song - having dinner with a guy I was dating. He wanted to take our relationship to the next stage and I met a simple question he asked me with silence and panic. He said “I just wanted you to say that we’d work out any of the problems.” I didn’t realize until he said it that I was creating hurdles for our relationship because I didn’t want to stay in the relationship but I also didn’t have the heart to tell him that I wasn’t thinking about forever. I was looking for my exit strategy. Just because you’re not right for each other doesn’t mean that you want to hurt the other person.

Of course the irony is that that’s exactly how you hurt someone. Sam is a classic introvert. She keeps everything to herself. She processes in her head (that’s the whole show). The sequel to The Mad Ones would be a whole hell of a lot of uncomfortable silence-filled conversations with the ones she leaves behind.

“ROMEO IS CALLING FOR JULIET”: A NAIL IN A COFFIN

You’re Adam. You’re not a brainiac. You say “Romeo is calling for Juliet” and you mean that you love her. You mean that she’s your soulmate.

Now you’re Sam. You’re analytical and literal and literary. You hear “Romeo is calling for Juliet”. You hear that you’re star-crossed, that you’re doomed.

Adam doesn’t know that when he says it but he feels the failure of his metaphor. All of his metaphors build a case against him. He talks about On the Road because Sam loves that book, because she romanticizes driving across the country, much like Sal does in On the Road. But Sal’s journey is solitary and obsessed not with Mary Lou (or any of the other women Sal sleeps with) but with Dean, his best friend. Sam is the same way.

INGENUE

I think a lot about ingenues in the musicals I write. How could I not? It’s a huge trope in musical theater, more in than in any other genre. There are even vocal registers that feel more “ingenue”. I grew up in high school, college, and community theater playing ingenues. I was the daughter, the wife, the literal ingenue in City of Angels.

I also identified with ingenues in movies. I liked them plucky but I always wanted them to get the guy - or, let’s be honest - I wanted the guy to get them.

Now, I only write ingenues when I can turn the idea on its head. Sam is not an ingenue. The story begins when her naïveté has been lost. If we told this story from the perspective from the beginning of her senior year, she would be the ingenue, but we tell the story from her moment before her rebellion. We are chronicling her journey away from ingenue.

Brian and I joked through the rehearsal process that our ingenue is actually Adam. But by definition #2, it’s pretty accurate. Ingenues are often only in the love plot of a musical. They generally have one great song in a show but someone else (a man traditionally) gets to be involved in the multi-plot of a show. Harold Hill pursues Marion, whose role is contained to her utility to his plot - his moral opposite, but Harold is involved in SEVERAL plots. Sarah has her dogmatic beliefs (also a moral opposite to Sky) but it’s Sky Masterson who transforms through his relationship with her and his connection to the gambling plot. Rosemary literally sings about how she will be happy to keep her husband’s dinner warm, while Finch climbs the ladder to success and falls in love in the most perfunctory way possible. (These are all shows that are structurally genius pieces of theater, by the way, they just suck when it comes feminine stereotypes.)

Adam is really happy with their static relationship. He doesn’t actually want anything else. He makes a big sacrifice by trying to imagine what Sam wants, and in order to pull her out of her grief, tries to give it to her. It’s an act of sacrifice and empathy. And he’s right. She does need to run away. Just not with him. And it takes him naming the idea for her to realize exactly what she needs.

Do you see what I love Adam? I wonder if men who wrote female ingenues felt the same way? You’re creating an idealized version of what the other sex should be so that your flawed (read: interesting) protagonist can grapple with the world around them. The exciting thing about creating this character was the attempt to manipulate the audience enough so that the audience would love him as much as I do but feel how deeply wrong it would be for Sam to say yes.

Miscellaneous Questions You Have Asked

Can I (a guy) pretend Sam is a boy and sing this song?

Why not? The “wife” line is a little weirder but I can justify it. There are a couple other pop versions of lyrics that are more generic that might be useful to you if you go that route.

Why are there pop lyrics to this song?

We love this song and we wanted more people to be able to cover it. The use of “Sam” in the lyric feels essential in the show. It makes the lyric feel more insistent. Out of context, it feels a little theatery. I like theater - don’t get me wrong - but the rest of the song doesn’t feel that way so it kind of takes you out of the song if you’re not listening in the context of the show. I like the pop lyrics to the song. You should feel free to use them anytime. Though, in an audition, I’d revert to the original lyrics. Immediacy / theatricality / insistence are your friend there.

Why does Adam say “let me be the place that you hide”? I got this question specifically from someone when I was soliciting questions. It must have been on Twitter because I can’t find it on Tumblr. I hope that the rest of this post helps illuminate the character broadly enough that this already feels clearer. It’s a problematic idea, isn’t it? It comes back to Adam offering comfort, offering protection, offering something that Sam might want but is ultimately wrong for her.

Can I record “Run Away with Me”?

Yes. Because it’s already been professionally recorded by us, by Josh Young, by Aaron Tveit, and Dwayne Britton (maybe others?), anyone can get the mechanical rights to record through Harry Fox. Huzzah!

Why are there so many versions of the final riffs and release of “Run Away with Me”?

When you get the chance to workshop a song as long as we have, you get to really hone what you want out of it. If you’re in doubt about whether or not you’re singing the most updated version, check out Ben Fankhauser’s version on Playbill. This is the one we went into production with in fall 2017.

Can a girl sing “Run Away with Me”?

Hell yeah. Carrie Manolakos covers it on our live album and it’s pretty sick, and here’s a new video of Emma Hunton’s take on it. You didn’t know how much you wanted this.

youtube

#run away with me behind the lyrics the mad ones #run away with me #kerrigan lowdermilk #behind the lyrics #The mad ones #songwriting #lyric writing #musical theater #new musical theater #romeo and juliet #on the road #the unauthorized autobiography of samantha brown

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twimclabel · 7 years ago

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EVERYONE AFRAID TO BE FORGOTTEN

Swedish singer, songwriter, producer and filmmaker, Jonna Lee, brings the evolution of her ten-year creative career to a new peak with the release of her maiden ionnalee offering, EVERYONE AFRAID TO BE FORGOTTEN on 16 February 2018 on To whom it may concern. and Kobalt Music.

A studio album and, in due order, a stand-alone filmic counterpart (co-created with cinematographer, John Strandh, in alliance with fashion and art trail-blazers, COMME des GARÇONS), this is the most ambitious project which the Stockholm-based master of audiovisual artistry has embarked on.

Two years and two albums into a solo endeavour as a guitar- wielding folk’n’roller, 2009 saw Jonna Lee beginning a seminal metamorphosis which would lead her to join forces with best friend and long-term producer, Barbelle a.k.a Claes Bjorklund, in creating the organically viral, electronic pop phenomenon that is iamamiwhoami.

A mystery and a riddle, iamamiwhoami’s visuals-backed clue trail of short, sharp, gratifying musical shockwaves stumped fans and the media alike. It formed a gripping guessing game, which enticed audiences to explore its dark, elusory storyline. Moreover, as an entity still in its nappy days, iamamiwhoami’s real-time work process also meant that its cast of creatives’ initial decision to remain anonymous unintentionally caused a frenzy around the question of who was behind the surprise releases (Christina Aguilera and Karin Dreijer were but two of many suspects).

The group’s three ground-breaking audiovisual works [bounty (2010, digital); kin (2012); and BLUE (2014)] served as Jonna Lee’s vehicle for change, through which she has kept challenging limitations and untethering inhibitions in favour of development and innovation. The iamamiwhoami Youtube channel has, since its inception, garnered over 42,300,000 views and in 2011 - even before its first physical release - the group was awarded Innovator Of the Year Award at the prestigious Swedish Grammis.

In the three-act play of Jonna Lee’s creative voyage to date, whereby her late-noughties solo albums planted the inciting incident and iamamiwhoami provided a riveting plot twist, the artist’s debut as ionnalee ushers in the exhilarating climax, letting all that’s gone before culminate in an opus that honours the past, whilst simultaneously devising a recalibrated, fresh future.

EVERYONE AFRAID TO BE FORGOTTEN evokes thoughts about what drives an artist to create in a milieu brimful with people fighting to be seen and heard and to express themselves in ways that would single them out from others. With its eyes fixed firmly on the state of the world right now, this is a collection that concerns itself with what is the artist’s residual footprint, paralleled with people’s fear of oblivion.

As our generation pores over and pours into social media with a desire to leave as much of ourselves and our legacy out in the world – like a self-edited epitaph, to ensure that we are remembered and control how such remembrance is preserved - EVERYONE AFRAID TO BE FORGOTTEN explores the different fears and struggles we, as human beings, contend with. ionnalee has hers but, importantly, the songs are intelligently crafted so as to allow for the listener’s personal meaning to coexist.

Reflecting on her own perspective, ionnalee says: “I’ve been evaluating the role that’s cut out for me by society in general and the music business in particular, as to how I should look and behave, both as a woman and as an artist.” In shaping the record, ionnalee has been preoccupied with the experience of societal pressures on women, such as the inescapable normative push to become a mother, pitted against the professional pull of meeting the audience’s expectations of her as an artist.

A further premise underlining EVERYONE AFRAID TO BE FORGOTTEN is the theme of perception vs misconception when it comes to an artist’s work. “We live in a time where anyone can do anything”, ionnalee says, reflecting on the ever-growing prevalence of the audiovisual format. “It can be beautiful, when it’s done purely in pursuit of creative motifs, but in many situations it is only really done because of the current perception that just being a musician is no longer enough and the music has to be dressed to the nines in order to be heard. My visuals have always been part of my creation and, yet - frustratingly - they are still often being perceived strictly as a promotional tool.”

Fulfilling and transformative as it was, the hectic and exhausting, non-stop cycle of work since the inception of iamamiwhoami has, cumulatively, taken its toll on the musician, resulting in significant stress and periods of depression. “I’ve been burnt out”, she admits, ruminating on an invariably stringent schedule, exacerbated by the pressures of running her own independent record label. “The independence I have has enabled me to be bold and innovative as an artist but, by default, it also often makes the workload overwhelming.”

Never one to go for the easy option, however, ionnalee made a defiant choice: “I wanted to bring out my insecurities instead of my strengths.”

The most significant source of insecurity and fear has, ultimately, proved to hinge on ionnalee’s health, as a cancer scare, numerous medical screenings and a subsequent diagnosis of a thyroid disorder exposed a serious possibility of permanent damage to the singer’s vocal chords.

Facing that real risk of not being able to sing in the future and the fear of losing her most important way of self-expression, there arose in ionnalee an even greater drive to produce something special and perdurable with EVERYONE AFRAID TO BE FORGOTTEN. “The thought of not being able to sing had never occurred to me. That would be like losing my gut”, she says.

For ionnalee this record not only had to be made, but it had to be made now and it had to bring in elements of her history in order to open a door to a hopeful thereafter. “I wanted to see who am I in the present, as a solo artist. I want a lifespan career and, for that, I need to make sure I’m clear about who I am as an artist now.”

To do this, she decided that, along with the album’s brand new compositions, she would hark back to older sounds and song elements that, despite never previously being released, stand as pivotal stepping stones in her career. “I wanted to connect with the beginning of iamamiwhoami and the evolution I’ve gone through since”, she says.

An instance in point is brand new single, ‘GONE’, which keen-eared followers will recognise as a reconfiguration of the fourth, so-called (by fans) ‘PAPACHOO’, prelude, put out by iamamiwhoami in February 2010, as a minute-long taster for what eventually became their audiovisual album, bounty.

Epitomising the evolutionary process of ionnalee, ‘GONE’ adopts one of the foundation stones of her previous incarnation and transforms it into a bustling and infectious full song, whose lyrics tap directly into the core of EVERYONE AFRAID TO BE FORGOTTEN and its resounding themes: “the songs that you sung / and the words that you meant / will be here when you are gone”, she prophesies on the chorus, as the verses gesture at the initial media circus concerning her identity (“the wonder who I am”) and the turmoil surrounding her health (“this mouth on me /and this voice against time”; “this weakening noise /will fade softly to silence”).

The track begins by establishing the prelude’s signature bottle percussion as an underlying rhythmic device and the synth-led, dramatic Baroque nuance beautifully complements ionnalee’s vulnerable voice in creating dark Renaissance electronica. The majestic, sweeping chorus quickly lodges itself in the mind’s ear with an instant grab, whilst the middle 8 showcases a soaring vocal performance.

The video for ‘GONE’ was directed by ionnalee together with John Strandh and is a key chapter in the longer visual narrative arc supporting EVERYONE AFRAID TO BE FORGOTTEN.

The album’s first taster came in February 2017 with ‘SAMARITAN’, a blunt eschewing of other people’s demands and presumptions, over which the artist has no control. Boasting a big and immediate pop chorus, ’SAMARITAN’ feels tailor-made for a record that is often conscious of and rebels against what is expected.

“I don’t think people should feel secure in their expectations of me”, ionnalee says. This is, for example, why effervescent sophistidisco, ‘NOT HUMAN’ (which was co-written with Com Truise), comes to an abrupt, surprising end as though inadvertently paused and also why recent, contemplative single, ‘SIMMER DOWN’, doesn’t have a video (previously, every iamamiwhoami track had its own visual counterpart, collectively amounting to an all-encompassing series dating back to 2009, which follows one evolving storyline from beginning to end).

As a lover of beats, bass and drums, ionnalee’s favourite part of producing her own material has been making up the rhythm sections, thinking outside of her own comfort zone. “I’ve had to push myself to learn how to not only be a good creative mind, but also a good technical producer, to be able to make things sound like they sounded in my head”, she says.

In terms of the arrangements and the record’s sonic direction, ionnalee was fascinated and influenced by baroque composition, which fits in with the sense of it being something of a requiem: “I drew from my background in sacral choir singing and merged it with my other great loves, industrial and spectral synths and old school hip hop beats”, she says. “I wanted it to be an album to grieve to but there is a fairness and innocence to the sound, which makes it hopeful in midst of the darkness. Producing this work is a proud moment for me as a musician.”

Offering solace in grief, EVERYONE AFRAID TO BE FORGOTTEN is a labour of love emanating from introspection as well as self- awareness. As with every one of her endeavours, ionnalee again seeks to find and make something that is different. “The album format is regarded by many as a thing of the past”, she says, “with tracks being the primary way of consuming music.” Her vision, instead, is to make a sustainable and epic album that will endure, rather than something that is easily digested and spat out shortly afterwards. “An imprint that will stand with time”, as she describes it.

“I would like to view this as the beginning of the rest of my career. I want to grow my audience in my way, without compromising and without having to turn myself inside out. There’s a bigger, more personal weight for me with this record and much, much more at stake.”

words by Doron Davidson-Vidavski October 2017

PREORDER ALBUM

#ionnalee #iamamiwhoami #twimc #EABF #GONE #jonna lee

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edoggemannuall · 5 years ago

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this is most of the book. It needs editing.

JESUS READING REVELATION BOOK COVER

This is a story about the Word of God and the works that Jesus did in heaven after He had returned. God had shown me all the works that Jesus done and I would never doubt them. John 16: 28, I came forth from the Father, and am come into the world: again, I leave the world, and go to the Father. John 17: 24 Father, I will that they also, whom thou hast given me, be with me where I am; that they may behold my glory, which thou hast given me: for thou loves’ me before the foundation of the world.

AND SO, DISCIPLE JOHN WEPT, in eternity. He wept because there was no one in all eternity who could read the book that God kept Himself to glorify Jesus. He had kept this book that neither Angel nor man could read, Rev.5:1-4. This was not a book that any man has ever had any knowledge of; because, this book remained with God. It was a book that no man knew existed. Until in heaven, John saw it and saw that no one could read it; and right now, at this very hour it remains true that no angel or man can read the book that God kept for the glory of Jesus. They can only see it being read by Jesus and understand what He is reading.

And so, John stopped weeping, in eternity because he saw that Jesus could read the book. Furthermore, Jesus reading this book on the Throne was translated by John as Jesus reading the book of Revelation. All because John wrote what he saw as Jesus read the book on the Throne. We see visions of Jesus in Revelation, that is how we see Him reading Revelation, and that is how we understand what Revelation is saying. Revelation is the glory God gave Jesus that only Jesus can read. Jesus made this possible by instructing John to write what he saw. No one can read Revelation with understanding but we all assume we can. God has done a marvelous and wonderful thing making it so that anyone can see these things through Jesus these prophesies of Revelation. We can see and understand Jesus reading Revelation by the instructions He gave us to see Him doing that. A closer look at Jesus reading via Rev.5:5-6:1.

INTRODUCING JESUS READING REVELATION

We are learning prophecy from Revelation. What confuses many is they have not connected the way to pick up the true prophetic meaning from Revelation; have not connected it to the book on the Throne that that glorifies Jesus, and to the fact that only Jesus could read Revelation. No one reads the prophecy like Jesus and no one gives the eternal understanding as Jesus does reading the book of Revelation. Jesus had called Disciple John into eternity for this purpose, to communicate what he saw Jesus doing mainly reading the book on the Throne. So the elect people who believe in Jesus would have His reading and John gave us a prophecy that only Jesus can read.

This is how we see Jesus reading Revelation and understand what He is reading. Jesus gave us instructions to see Him read Revelation. These are His instructions, Revelation 22:16, I Jesus have sent mine Angel to testify unto you these things in the churches, I am the root and offspring of David and the bright and morning star. By these instructions, we understand what we see Him reading. When we see Him reading as the root of David, when we see Him reading as the offspring of David, and when we see Him reading as His Angel, the bright and morning star, we are to understand the context of what He is reading. That is the way we see Jesus reading Revelation which is the glory of Jesus.

These Three Divine Visions, John wrote in his introduction to Revelation when Jesus referred to Himself as testifying or reading the book on the throne that only He could. However, John’s contexts consist of everything Jesus did in eternity before He came into the world and after. We the elect of Jesus are Evangelized in total spiritual capacity because John passed on Jesus prophecy to the elect from heaven. The Jesus that John know both ways, on earth and in Heaven, is now for His elect to know both ways. But before getting into the three divine visions we should note that we the elect have adapted an eternal emotion in our spiritual conscience that is separated apart from our physical conscience we have an eternal emotional capacity; Because, now we know Jesus both ways. We can since this adoption of an eternal emotion. Disciple John felt this while he was taken by Jesus on the Lord’s Day somewhere, seeing something more than the Holy Spirit’s side of spiritual life on earth. Jesus had caused a captivating eternal transfer of emotions a more everlasting unshakable emotion of life. A quiet still emotion where life feel strange but sure, powerful but captivating, a consciousness of rich pure Royalty in eternal splendor, where glory radiates peace and consciousness consumes victory and where everything is alive, living water has a mind of its own and flow where it chooses.

When John came back to himself, on his feet, on earth and in the flesh, he wrote from memory what he had heard and saw with Jesus. John’s contexts consist of everything Jesus did in all Scriptures and in Heaven. Jesus went to heaven where He brought John up spiritually to show us the glory of Jesus released from heaven. When John came back to himself, he wrote from memory what he had heard and saw when he was in heaven with Jesus. But we often read Rev.1:4-11, like John, was writing it down while he was in heaven, as if he came out of captivity wrote something and then back into the vision; No, he writes The Revelation of Jesus from memory. He remembered, visions of visions, that overshadowed his life; he became a prophetical evangelist from heaven, by way of Jesus. Beginning with Revelation chapter one verse one; John wrote what Jesus is teaching us from heaven. We can know eternal things while in the flesh because of Jesus.

When John wrote verse four; John to the seven churches which are in Asia, he did not come out of eternity to write these letters to churches on earth from his own past. The teaching that Jesus gives us about the seven churches; including what is meant by “write to the churches” is namely about the church that Jesus built in heaven. Jesus heavenly teachings did not come from heaven to carry us into our past church life under the law, but to carry us into our future; showing us how things in eternity works showing us how he gave repentance to those in Johns forefathers days inside the church that He built in heaven. That is how Jesus became the same slain Lamb in Heaven to make a way for those under the Law to receive eternal life. Jesus did this work in Heaven. He gave them the same spiritual repentance that He gave to the world when He was on earth. He gave it to those on earth first and to those that died before He had come but He did it for them after He had returned. His church in heaven offered repentance to the old traditional churches of the past before Jesus can into the world.

Do we think that John came out of eternal captivity to literally write letters to seven churches on earth rather than to write about the church in Heaven to the elect? Like they say IT IS WRITTEN Jesus told John to write about the seven churches. We need to understand what Jesus is teaching about that and not what we are teaching our selves. John only wrote the book of Revelation not letters to seven churches. He wrote about each church in the seven spirits of Jesus and what they offered. That eternal phrase is a cant idiom spoken by Jesus in the church that Jesus built Himself.

John has the ears to hear eternal sounds from a volume not normally possible to hear. He is empowered to see eternal things with everlasting eyes. John remains true to everything he hears and sees the whole time Jesus has him on eternal lock-down. He does not break out of captivity throughout the whole time. People may think so because people filter eternal emotions through human emotions, trying to apply human emotions where they don’t exist; I am reading eternal emotions from the works of Jesus, hoping that we better understand what John wrote. I am attempting to provide the eternal emotions I understand that John felt while in eternity, a place where flesh and blood life is nonexistent.

Writing supernatural things inspired by Jesus, John did not write any sights and sounds made by man. John remembered three main visions of Jesus and described them as he saw them, not knowing how they would be key to Jesus reading Revelation. They are vital to comprehending Revelation because the bible is very clear that no angel no one anyplace can read the book of Revelation; howbeit from the book on the Throne. We read Revelation ourselves except Jesus reads for us through the three visions. The bible is very much more fulfilling after Jesus read Revelation to you, scripture insights are much more powerful and clear, it is so much more of God that chapters and verses and concordances and commentaries miss.

The first vision Rev, 1:13, And in the midst of the seven candlesticks one like unto the son of man, clothed with a garment down to the foot, and girt about the chest with a golden stripe. This is Jesus, that John knows, wearing heavenly clothes as Priest. Jesus is teaching us eternal insights first of all by being dressed as High Priest, teaching us about the church He built in heaven and why His seven spirits represent seven churches, in the days before He came to earth. He brought the old testament Law churches into His church in heaven to receive the promises of God. In the New Testament John, the Baptist even said he needed to be baptized by Jesus for this repentance that Jesus is giving to those under the Law in His church He built in Heaven and Jesus said to John the Baptist then, I know but suffer it to happen right now for the elect’s repentance and in that way, we will fulfill all righteousness. That first vision is Jesus being the root of David is about the first church of God that David built and the promises God made to David concerning the success of the church.

The second vision of Jesus as the offspring of David; Rev. 5:6, And I beheld, and, lo, in the midst of the throne and of the four beasts, and in the midst of the elders, stood a lamb as if it had been slain, in that vision Jesus receives the promises God made David concerning establishing his bloodline on an everlasting throne. Jesus is teaching us that after He died to provide repentance in His church, to David’s church promise that he got the reward as the offspring, Jesus receives the everlasting throne in Heaven. This concludes the root and offspring of David promises God made concerning everlasting life and David’s offspring established on an everlasting Throne. But the second vision of Jesus do not stop reading Revelation there. Also, the second vision of Jesus as the slain Lamb shows Jesus has seven eyes and seven horns because these things John saw will be Jesus reading the book on the Throne via seven seals and seven trumpets and so Jesus is dressed with seven eyes and seven horns. The seven eyes will read the seven seals, and after the seven seals the seven horns will read the seven trumpets from this book that God kept that only Jesus can read and only by those visions of Jesus can Jesus read Revelation to you.

The third vision of Jesus reading is at Rev. 10: 1-7, And I saw another mighty angel come down from heaven, clothed with a cloud; and a rainbow was upon his head, and his face was as it were the sun, and his feet as pillars of fire. And he had in his hand a little book opened: and he set his right foot upon the sea and his left foot on the earth. And the book of Revelation is taken from the book on the Throne. By the third vision of Jesus Angel He is teaching/reading about the unfamiliarity of timelessness of our eternal emotion, of life where time don’t matter and where eternal life is lived. The woman in chapter twelve; she is symbolic of us receiving this emotion from the Book of Revelation. She is dressed in the heavenly clothes for timelessness: stars, moon, sun, etc. like Jesus in the third vision as the bright and morning star, to introduce the eternal life of the elect in Revelation. Her clothes match His teaching that our eternal life emotion is timelessness. We cannot reference these teachings by other than what Jesus is reading, because this ministry is given to the elect sake at the end time. However, Jesus tells the story of Revelation with her example.

All three visions of Jesus can be referenced by Rev. 22:16, I Jesus have sent my angel to testify unto you these things in the churches. I am the root and offspring of David. And the bright and morning star. That sums up John’s introduction of Revelation for now and my introduction of only Jesus can read Revelation and you can only read Revelation through Jesus.

Chapter one

Again, the book of Revelation reveals what Jesus read from the book God created just for Jesus to read. Those precepts aligned the scriptures. Jesus gift to us “Revelation” is aligned with the book God gave Him. And I tell you in the spirit of Daniel the Prophet; Go thy way, Daniel! The words are closed up and sealed till the time of the end. Many shall be purified. And made white, and tried, but the wicked shall do wickedly; and none of the wicked shall understand. We never considered all that went into producing the book of Revelation. Never did we think that Revelation is something Jesus has to read. We benefit much more from Jesus reading Revelation which is God’s will than we do if we read it our self. That is why I will show how Jesus is reading Revelation because the time is now.

For the first time we may be considering something that demands only Jesus can read Revelation. Although scripture is very clear about the book on the throne, there might be some hold outs on it also applying to Revelation. Scriptures were never written in chapters and verses and they were never meant to be read that away, but the Popes inserted chapters and verses in scripters to keep Catholicism secrets. All our life we have read scriptures with in those chapter and verse restraints. They were not written that way think about it. We all thought that chain referencing enhanced our knowledge of God but it only enhances the knowledge men manipulate and control. In eternal life we will not reference the Word by chapter and verse but by spirit to spirit to spirit of God. But we say we must use chapters now for the visions and for building upon scriptural precepts, to make clear the mind of God. More than that we need to have in our heart to know God as our life through spirit through the gift of God through the unadulterated mind of God.

The visions of Jesus in the book of Revelation are the way Jesus will read Revelation. The visions of Jesus take the part of chapter and verse, they are the focusing concepts and precepts references, they are the visions of Jesus that John saw. Revelation aligns with the visions and precepts in the mind of God. Scripture other than Revelation pertains to the spirit of God on earth, Revelation pertains to the spirit of God on earth and in heaven and throughout eternal life; but only Jesus can read us there. Don’t you know the book of Revelation is about restoring man’s eternal life, guarded by Jesus the only way back into eternity. Adam lost his eternal life because he ate from the tree of knowledge of good and evil and he eternally died spiritually. Now Jesus guards the tree of knowledge of good and evil by being the only one that can open the book and read the knowledge of good and evil in the mind of God.

By John writing what he saw allows Jesus to show man what He read. John provide the panoramic view and Jesus provide the participant observer view for our comprehension. Disciple John wrote exactly what he saw within all the roles that Jesus played. Only come let us look really close at eternal life in heaven. The very thing that he saw about Jesus, is the same thing from what only He could have read from the sealed book God wrote for Jesus. John could not write about nor understand anything in the book Jesus was reading. John only could write what he heard and saw through Jesus.

Therefore, our one eternal spirit can visit eternity now by faith. We are now involved in eternal lifestyles that came from the book that God gave Jesus on the Throne. Not just from the book of Revelation but also from the witness of Disciple John that Jesus called into eternity to witness these eternal life things. We are not worthy brothers and sisters but we are lifted up. Jesus gives us in Revelations the pathway to be where He is; Moreover, have faith in what Jesus look like, his heavenly clothes. How He dressed for the purpose of reading what was in the sealed book? How scripture spiritually agree. He saw from the book God gave Him compared to what He read in Revelation; those builds can zoom “in high definition” on all scriptures. They can remove all doubters from things that seem right to man.

You will read here how Jesus is reading Revelation and how scriptures zoom in on eternal things that Jesus is reading spiritually. There are still people on earth who do not completely understand one half of the book of Revelation; but I hope it will not be that way after they hear from this book; because, it is leading them into Jesus reading Revelation. Some read Revelation feeling distant and disconnected from the same eternal life that is theirs. There are too many faithful believers misunderstanding the prophecy in Revelation. But all misunderstanding stops right now just like that, because it is written that no man can read Revelation other than Jesus, so consequently the fact that man cannot read Revelation is understood as to why. Blessed be John who wrote what he saw and Jesus who read to us.

So many Scalars had written Commentaries on the book of Revelation, and so many Theologians did write theological diocese, about their theories on revelation; and they all stagger, stutter and fall short misunderstanding eternal citizenship in heaven, our royal eternal life, and our Holy Mysteries. Not even do they comprehend Revelation prophecies well, they can’t really literate or explain what they propose to have read. They think they can read and understand Revelation and Revelation 5:4, says a man cannot. So, they got people really confused with many different opinions, and fragmented scriptures, too many theories that are unexplained. All that! confusion stops right now. The LORD God said, "Behold, the man has become like “one” of Us, knowing good and evil; and now, he might stretch out his hand, and take also from the tree of life, and eat, and live forever "-Once more again Jesus reads Revelation within the visions of himself. It is not a chapter and verse method.

Three main visions of Jesus reading Revelation are revisited at Revelation 22:16: I Jesus have sent my angel to testify to you these things in the churches. One, I am the root. Two, I am the offspring of David. Three, I am the bright and morning-star. These are the three visions of Jesus reading for you from the visions Disciple John saw. Again, look at the context representing the visions and what in eternity is He doing? Look at His heavenly clothes, think about what they mean what context of character is He. His clothes are made out of acts of his character in eternity. His clothes add the concepts of His readings. His statements and prophetic visions are not of this world and still further expound His readings. He makes, our eyes see what they are not capable of seeing for the purpose of giving us knowledge and understanding of our own eternal life. His readings our faith causes heavenly visitations.

Jesus as the root of David begins the reading; from chapter one through chapter five, then Jesus as an offspring of David takes over where the root left off, up to chapter ten at the sounding of the seventh trumpet. Where the third vision of Jesus reads from there. At the conclusion of the third vision of Jesus reading, as the bright and morning star, and reading about the women in heaven, the sign, and wonder that appeared in heaven, chapter twelve. I should conclude because you will have witnessed Jesus reading revelation through half the book of revelation and you should understand that the book is Jesus glory that God gave him and continue reading Revelation to the end.

Chapter two

The Jesus In Revelation,

From the book God gave Jesus on the throne comes Jesus reading Revelation for us. This rendition of it hacks away at the timelessness in heaven and captivating you clearly through eternal atmospheres arising at some of the most royal eternal places in view of bright holy radiant light. Use your spiritual consciousness to look closer at the spirit of prophecy in the word of all scripture

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cynthiadshaw · 6 years ago

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#LadyBoss: redefining what a boss looks like

Too many of us grew up only seeing one kind of boss or leader in the media. The lack of representation for other groups reinforced harmful stereotypes and acted as a self-fulfilling prophesy, but would our opinion of what a leader looks like be different if the media did a better job at representing the true diversity of leadership in America?

Women and other under-represented groups are already leading many great companies, organizations, & academic institutions; others are authoring best-sellers, building engaged audiences, leading movements and more.

We had the honor of connecting with many of the best and brightest female leaders from in and around the city and we asked them our question of the month: What is the best advice you have for someone who feels like they are facing insurmountable odds.

We encourage you to check out the female leaders we’ve highlighted below, follow them on social media if you find their work or story interesting and most importantly do your part to #fightstereotypes.

Avery Foster | Instagram Fashion Blogger & Influencer

When I think about facing a challenge that is seemingly insurmountable, I have to constantly remind myself that everyone had to start somewhere or had to face something similar. Even the most successful people have dealt with tribulations that have hindered them from reaching their absolute best. When it comes to success, it is often difficult to keep this in mind. I know I have wrestled with simply wanting to reach my goals without traversing through tough times. However, when handling struggles with determination and grit, getting through them can make us stronger in the end! It is imperative to remember that what we battle can make reaching our end goal that much more satisfying.

@averyfosterstyle liketoknow.it/averyfosterstyle

Tina Naidu | Outpatient Program Director | fitness | health & dance enthusiast

@prashantiphotos

No 2 situations are the same and the timeline of emotions (the peaks and valleys) that people go through is different too. An advice for one person may not resonate with the other, but I think it’s important to know that nothing is truly insurmountable. It’s our mindset and how we perceive things. So when we change the way we perceive a challenge it helps us overcome it or possibly find another path in life. When facing a challenge, I try to write down things that I’ve already done and failed and things that I still need to do. It helps me see it in writing instead of dwelling over it in my head. Things don’t always go as planned, it’s okay, slow down, take a step back, adapt!! There isn’t one set way or right way to get to where you want to be. It took me a while to understand all of this too and I am still learning as life throws some curve balls at me. But I’m much happier being able to change my mindset!! It is also very important to surround yourself with those who will lift you up when you truly need it. You can’t always overcome things on your own and it’s okay to ask for help and those who believe in you will be by your side no matter what.

@fit2rolic

Sarah Blaido | artist | cosplayer | histology lab aide

Challenges that seem too big to tackle often need to be broken into bite sized pieces. My mother always says “just take the first step”. I frequently find myself falling back on that advice when I am feeling overwhelmed by the big picture. Also remember to use your support group (friends, family, etc) to help you get through challenges. It’s easier when you’re not alone!

@vespidcosplay @vespidqueen

Kristen Cruz | Brand Promotion Strategist & Event Planner

There will be challenges big and small, everyday of your life. The most rewarding part is looking back at that one challenge you thought you’d never overcome and remembering you’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for.

kristencruz.com @kristencruz

Brandy Haas | Lash Artist

Life can be challenging, the best advice I can give is to be present through it. Taking one day at a time, sometimes even one hour at a time. You’ll emerge and when you do it’ll be growth and perspective you’ll gain.

@brandy.peachykeenstudio

Daisy Barrera | Hair stylist

Take a moment to breathe and think about where you started and where you are at currently. Take everything a step at a time.

@hairbydaisybarrera

Kimberly Kirt | Online Entrepreneur | Fitness Fanatic and Owner of Hustle & Flow Social Co.

Take everything one step at a time. When there are massive obstacles in the way, it is best to break them down by small, quickly accomplishable steps, that you can check off and work through every day and every week. It will take time, but if you stay consistent you will overcome that challenge!

instagram.com/kimberlki instagram.com/hustleandflowsoco

Sonya J. Cameron | TCM Classic Movie Junkie | Wife | Mother | Owner of J Cameron House of Linen Rental

Ryan G. Cameron (UNT Film Student)

If you are still able to experience the emotions (anger, sadness, crying and even screaming) that go along with trials then you maybe down, but you are definitely not out…you still have some fight in you. Each and every challenge that I have faced in life was temporary and after the storm came growth, resilience, determination. You realize just how strong you are.

jcameronhouseoflinens.org @jcameronhouse

Yaasameen Garrett | Entrepreneur & Multi-Media Creative

The best advice I have is to take a step back, think about yourself be selfish in that moment and decided what’s important to you and what makes you happy first. Then break down your challenge, plan it out and accomplish it with little steps, so it doesn’t seem so overwhelming.

@loveyaasameenxo Nazeerahlove.com

Kristin Nicole | Professional Makeup Artist

When someone is facing a challenge that feels insurmountable they need to believe within themselves, have strength that things will get better and can get better. There’s no failure unless you stop trying. So, keep going cause great things will come!

instagram.com/makeupby.kris10

Brittany Howard | Teacher (elementary) & Makeup Artist

My advice to anyone who feels/thinks that the challenges they are facing are insurmountable is: to go all the way through it first. I’ve never faced a challenge that God (as I know him) has never brought me through. And I’ve been through some things. Nothing is too great.

@beatbybritmua snapchat.com/BeeHoww squareup.com/appointments/book/BD1W6148NT2D5/brittany-howard-fort-worth-tx

Tasha Jay | vocalist | vocal coach and artist

Know that you can control the challenge and that you can do ANYTHING you put your mind too. That you’re only faced with things that seem challenging to get you to that next level. Face, Embrace and Conquer your fears.

facebook page: Tasha Jay Music @tashajaymusic

Jen Russum | wife | mom | English professor

Drink lots of water, get enough sleep, make a plan and break it into baby steps, and pray like crazy.

jenrussum.com @jenrussum

Mamta Rana | Lead Henna Artist at Matrika Henna

You know we always hear other people advise us to take ourselves out of the equation and detach ourselves to see the situation for what it is- without all of the emotion and all the drama. I’ve always had an issue with this because, how does one just shut out their emotions. (They’re involuntary to a certain extent, and we can only control them for so long, before we end up exploding like an emotional volcano.) I think it’s essential to find out why the situation is making us feel like its so big and insurmountable in the first place. See, because it’s all in our head. I’d like to share the following method that my mentor once shared with me- its called the five why’s method. So anytime we feel a certain way about something we ask why, and then we question that reason by asking why four more times. Some research shows that by the time we ask why for the fourth or fifth time we are able to get to the core of the issue at hand. So for example if the issue at hand is,” I feel like I’ll never be able be healthy.” and we might ask: 1. Why? answer: oh because I don’t have time 2. why? answer: because I work two jobs and have a child 3. Why? answer: because I need to make money, because my parents abused drugs and alcohol and I don’t want my child to not have to feel like they can’t have a child hood. 4. Why? answer: Because that is what I had to do. I never had a childhood because my parents abused drugs and alcohol so much that I felt like I grew up too fast and didn’t have a child hood and I want my child to go through that. Now this is just an example all of the format that we may have- the answers will vary from person to person, but answering the questions honestly and in depth and asking why we feel a certain way about the situation until a deep answer is received is key to opening the curtain to whatever situation is seemingly unbearable. and then when we work thorough the core back up to the situation at hand it doesn’t seem so insurmountable because we now are able to understand our feelings enough to be like okay I get why I’m feeling so bad about this, I have now acknowledged my feelings and can detach my feelings in a loving way and then proceed to look at the issue that was once so big and scary from a practical stand point.

@matrikahenna.official creativestudio.us/book-online

Mayra Alas | Certified Lash Artist | M Lash Studio

When the odds are against you is when we learn the most about ourselves. Take a moment and put things into perspective. With focus and a positive attitude you can achieve anything.

@m_lashstudio mlashstudio.com

Ezmirelda Elizondo | Cosmetologist & Beauty Influencer

My best advice for someone who is facing a challenge that they feel is insurmountable is if you work hard enough and you really want to conquer it, it can be done and to just work hard for whatever you want; It can definitely be accomplished!

instagram.com/msezmirelda/?hl=en instagram.com/glammedbyez

Shelby Plummer | Makeup Artist and University Student

It is easy to forget that our bodies and minds are not permanent on this earth, but the effort you put forth is. Be the example for generations to come and never give in no matter the challenges you face.

@shelbyplummermua

Erin Clark | Life Coach and Wellness Advocate for Mompreneurs

When I am faced with challenges that seem too big to overcome, first – I close my eyes and take 10 deep breaths. By slowing myself down, I am able to clear my mind and see the challenge for what it really it. Nothing is too big for your brain to take on if it’s well trained. In my work, I have realized that every problem – and I mean EVERY PROBLEM – can be solved in our mind first. By understanding our thoughts and emotions are the root of our actions and results, we can take on anything without ever changing the circumstance at hand! Nothing is too big for the mind to handle.

facebook.com/erinclarkcoaching instagram.com/erinclarkcoaching

The post #LadyBoss: redefining what a boss looks like appeared first on Voyage Dallas Magazine | Dallas City Guide.

source http://voyagedallas.com/2019/06/27/girlboss-redefining-boss-looks-like/

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johnchiarello · 6 years ago

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Corinthians 13-14

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NOTE- Every so often some of my sites think I am Spam- or a Bot- I am not. My name is John Chiarello and I post original content [all videos and text are by me]. I do share my past posts from my other sites- but it is not spam- Thank you- John.

1ST CORINTHIANS 13:1 ‘THOUGH I SPEAK WITH THE TONGUES OF MEN AND OF ANGELS, AND HAVE NOT LOVE, I AM BECOME AS SOUNDING BRASS OR A TINKLING SYMBOL’ Over the years I have seen how the church can ‘have a voice-make noise’ without actually effecting change. Last night I watched some Martin Luther King stuff. Without ‘sucking up for political purposes’ I must admit that Martin is at the top of my list of personal heroes. Martin spoke with a revolutionary purpose in mind, he was not ‘delivering sermons’. One time I spoke at a friends church, I only spoke for around 15 minutes [much like my radio show] and the pastor said ‘no wonder John doesn’t have a church/ preach regularly, you have to at least speak for 45 minutes’ [something like that]. Though after the message I had good comments from the people, the sincere pastor felt like we didn’t ‘put the time in’ in order to fulfill the Sunday morning practice of ‘church’. Were did we get our modern sermon from? [The actual format]. If you go to Bible College you can take a course called ‘homiletics’ this course will teach you the structure of speaking and putting a message together. If you study Greek rhetoric you will find that this science existed in the Greek intellectual world before Christians embraced it [the actual format and structure taught in homiletics comes right out of the Greek system of rhetoric, to the tee!]. I find it funny how many modern pastors seem to measure a persons degree of ‘being scriptural’ by this measuring rod. ‘Well brother, didn’t they preach in scripture’ you bet they did. We see Jesus reading from the scroll in the synagogue. Paul and Peter were master ‘preachers’ if you will [though Paul himself was no ‘golden tongue’] basically the biblical concept of preaching/teaching was more of a spontaneous thing. It’s certainly not wrong to borrow the sermon from the Greeks [which we did do] but we don’t want to fall into some mindset that sees modern ministry [pastoral] as being a professional speaker. Here Paul says there is a danger of believers becoming like ‘sounding brass and tinkling symbols’ we can lose the reality of simple communication. We also can lose the prophetic edge of speaking into society over issues of justice. If we become too mundane and ‘professional’ then the world simply views us as another program to simply pass over when clicking the remote. Both Martin Luther King and Charles Finney were known for their social activism. One of the charges [actually true] made against them was that they held to liberal theological positions. Finney was effected by the higher criticism of his day [the trend in the universities to deny the supernatural elements of scripture] he embraced certain doctrines that could be viewed as heretical [things on the atonement and mans sinful nature]. King’s critics make note of the fact that he also accepted certain types of bible interpretation that viewed some of the miraculous stories as ‘myth’ [not fake, but simple allegorical stories that were not literal but simply meant to convey a spiritual theme]. Things like Jonah and the whale, or Ballams talking donkey [or the talking snake in the garden!] Some intellectual brothers view these stories this way. Is there any validity to these views? Actually yes. I personally hold the ‘literal’ view with stuff like this, but ‘literal’ does not mean the bible does not contain different styles of writing. You do have poetry, allegory, symbol and other types or forms of grammar in scripture. Even the strong literal brothers will contradict themselves when they fully accept the ‘Lamb on the throne’ as not being a literal Lamb! [or when they interpret the scorpion like demons in Revelation as Black Hawk helicopters] So scripture does use allegory and symbol. But why did Luther and Finney associate with the more liberal trends in theology? I feel it was because of the strong anti social gospel that the fundamentalists embraced. The more conservative thinkers who rejected the liberal trends in teaching, would also reject social activism. Luther and Finney simply gravitated towards those who were like minded in their concern to speak into society. Basically they didn’t just want to be theologically correct [though they might have been in some of there views] but they wanted to be able to effect change in society. They wanted to be more than just a tinkling symbol that could tickle your ears.

(1002)1ST CORINTHIANS 13: 2-3 ‘and though I have the gift of prophecy [Pentecostal, prophetic expressions] and understand all mysteries and all knowledge [Orthodox, Reformed, intellectual creedal churches] and though I have all faith that I could remove mountains [the Faith camp] and have not charity [Agape- love] I am nothing’. Whew! Thank God us mission/outreach type guys are not in there. ‘And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor [ouch] and have not love it profits nothing’. I love the various expressions of the church, I feed from the Reformed brothers teaching, Love reading and studying Orthodoxy and Catholicism. I of course favor the outreach/hands on type ministries, but according to this text we can have all these things and still be missing the mark. Our intellectual type brothers are engaging the culture and defending the faith, but without love we don’t even put a dent in the culture. The apologists are great at refuting the new atheists, to be honest about it the Christian intellectuals are head and shoulders above the atheists [Craig Lane and men like him] but I have noticed that we don’t really change that many minds even when all the proof is on our side. And I cant tell you how many well meaning missions and soup kitchens I have been too, but often times there is a disconnect between the people being served and the ‘servers’. You get the feeling sometimes that the well meaning helpers are simply punching a time card. We all need to reevaluate our motives. People can tell when we are in ‘ministry’ for the love of the business. Or for the self glory and adulation that comes with our service. Jesus rebuked the Pharisees because they truly were in it for the recognition of men. They wanted others to see that they were ‘successful in the ministry’ so they could receive recognition in public. Paul tells the Romans ‘he that shows mercy, let him do it with love [cheerfully]’. It’s easy to fall into a rut and simply be functioning out of a sense of duty. Now duty can be a good thing, there are times where we just need people to report for duty! [The harvest is plenteous, but the workers are few] but we need to examine ourselves and make sure we are functioning out of the Love of God. Often times the various ministries and expressions of the church are simply God ordained ‘places’ where we can connect with people. As we interact with the lost world, lets do our best to win the arguments, give proof for the legitimacy of Christianity. Combat false ideas and mindsets that are imbedded in our culture, but lets leave room for the other side to get in with us. Understand that they have a ‘missing piece’ [Augustine’s hole in the heart] and we are the only ones that can show them how to fill it.

(1003)CORINTHIANS 13:4-10 Okay, what exactly is this love that we need? Paul has told us that all religious activity apart from it is vain. Paul here simply gives us a picture of the way it acts. You can read this section and substitute your name for the word love ‘love puts up with stuff and is kind’ ‘John puts up with stuff and is kind’ [ouch] ‘It does not boast or show off’. ‘It does not seek its own benefit’ a ‘what’s in it for me’ type mentality. Love is being just like Jesus. James tells us ‘if you fulfill the royal law of scripture, you do well’. The law is to love thy neighbor as yourself. Paul also shows us why love outshines the other gifts of tongues and prophesy and knowledge. He says ‘we know in part, prophesy in part. But when we are made perfect and mature at the appearing of Christ the partial gifts will no longer be distinguishable. Only love will rule’ [my paraphrase] I find it interesting that Paul says knowledge itself will cease. Will actual knowledge cease? What exactly is ‘knowledge’? When we use this term in society what we usually mean is the degree of ones learning/education compared to someone else. If you have a masters and I have a high school diploma, we see a difference. We measure knowledge by the amount we have as compared to others. Now, at Christ’s appearing when we all ‘shall know, even as we are known’ this fine distinction will ‘pass away’. We still will have knowledge, but as a tool that we use to measure one another, it will cease. It wont make a difference how much of the ‘knowledge pie’ [know in part] you possess, at that time everyone one will have ‘all pie’. Knowledge is a funny thing, our understanding of it has developed thru the centuries. During the enlightenment era the concept of ‘what does it even mean to know’ was tackled. One of the famous sayings was ‘I know/think, therefore I am’ [Descartes? Hey, I forget sometimes] the study of ‘how we learn/know things’ is called epistemology. The enlightenment produced a way to approach knowledge that can be called ‘modernism’ mans modern way of knowing stuff. In essence, there exists real truth that a person can know and learn. There is/was a challenge to this mode of thought. Many in the Emergent church movement would grasp on to another theory of ‘knowing’ loosely defined as being in the category of ‘post modernism’. Some challenged the actual ability to know a thing. The emphasis is on who is actually viewing/learning the thing. The terms ‘metta- narrative’ are sometimes used to describe this dynamic. There is some truth to the fact that our context, who we are and where we are coming from, can shape the actual stuff learned. But the question is ‘does our perspective actually change the thing, make it real or not’. Some in the field of Cosmology have grasped on to this post modern theory and have surmised that the very act of human beings studying and examining a thing can in and of itself cause the thing ‘to be’. You can see how this theory would be helpful to the atheist. ‘Where did every thing come from?’ ‘it is a result of human kind’s thoughts and inquiry’ [Ouch]. This sounds a lot like the metaphysical cults that espouse that reality is a product of what you think, confess. That man has the power to create reality simply by the act of studying a thing. Well this is of course a challenge to the truth of God. Jesus and the Cross aren’t ‘real’ because men ‘put their mind to them’. They are real whether or not man ever thought about them. ‘Let God be true, but every man a liar’ Romans. Paul tells us that all these varying degrees of knowledge will some day ‘pass away’. We will all stand before a self existent God and give an account of our lives. This day is coming whether you ‘think about it or not’.

(1004)CORINTHIANS 13:11-13 WHEN I WAS A CHILD I UNDERSTOOD AND THOUGHT AND SPOKE LIKE A CHILD, BUT WHEN I GREW UP I PUT THOSE THINGS BEHIND ME- Paul shows us that we presently see and understand things thru ‘a glass’. God gives us insight and glimpses into Divine truth, but we need mercy because we all have limited sight. Over the years I know I have ruffled some feathers. Whether it be our teaching on what the church is, tithing, end times stuff. How New Testament believers should view the nationalistic promises made to Israel under the Old Covenant. I have found that the problem usually isn’t solved by simply proving something from scripture. For instance someone might become convinced by an ‘avalanche’ of information, they might actually see what I am saying. They can even articulate it to a degree [sometimes better than me!] but at the end of the day the answer to the problem is we all need to ‘grow up’. We need an overall change in the way we view things thru a legalistic lens. For instance, the tithe issue. Over the years I have taught the concept that believers are not under this law. Those of you who have read this site for any length of time know this. But I have also taught that it is fine to put 10% of your money into the offering on Sunday. It’s okay to support those who ‘labor among us’. But there are also many examples in the New Testament warning Gods leaders to not be in it for the money. Now, if we took seriously the mandate in Malachi to tithe. If we want to actually bind the believer’s conscience in this way ‘how are you robbing God? By not bringing in the tithes!’ Then we need to also look at the context. Israel as a nation was mandated to ‘tithe’ of their goods [not money] in three ways. They gave to support the Levites, also for the poor, and then they gave a tithe for religious feasts. In essence this ‘tithe’ was a total of around 30 % of their annual income, not 10%! [This by the way is right around what I spend on a monthly basis for the ministry stuff I do]. So, if we were telling people ‘you are going to be cursed if you don’t pay 10%’ we are actually misreading this verse. Also, how many believers think they are going to be cursed if they don’t ‘tithe to the poor’? Most modern preaching on the tithe simply puts it in the category of the Sunday offering. Most of this type of giving goes to support salaries, building upkeep, light bills, insurance for staff. I could go on and on. A very minute portion of this money [in general] goes to the poor. Certainly not a third! Also the portion that went to the Levites could not be used to purchase anything that would be owned by the Levite. They were forbidden to own any type of personal inheritance as Levitical priests. How often does the modern concept of tithing include this? The whole point is if we are going to bind peoples consciences in this way [which we shouldn’t] then we need to make sure we are at least teaching it right! Why bring this up? This is simply a good example of what Paul is saying. ‘When I understood in a limited way, I spoke and acted in a limited way’. The answer to the problem is simply ‘becoming mature in our thinking and speaking’. Recently I read an article from a U.S. congressman, he was speaking about the situation between Israel and Palestine. He sided with a military interpretation of the Old Testament promise to Abraham to ‘posses the land’ and used that to influence his political activism for war. How ‘mature’ is this type of thinking? Did any of the JEWISH apostles do this? No. So instead of trying to ‘crisis manage’ every single doctrinal problem, we really need to mature on an overall basis and view these doctrines thru the paradigm of Jesus and his life and work. Are we imitating his ethos when we do these things? Was this the primary message and life of Jesus when he walked the earth? How did he respond to Roman oppression and unjust govt.? Did he advocate military action in defense of the promises of God made to the nation of Israel? If we as the 21st century church do not ‘rightly divide’ these things, then we are of all men ‘most miserable’ [1st Corinthians 15].

(1006)CORINTHIANS 14:1-20 Lets deal a little with ‘Tongues’. I have written before on the various ways believers view this gift. Much has been taught over the years that can be seen as extreme from both camps [the Pentecostals and the non charismatics]. Is Paul speaking about the same gift as seen in Acts 2? If not, then does that mean the only legitimate ‘tongues’ are the Acts 2 expression? If a distinction is made, then Paul obviously put his stamp of approval on the second type of tongues by actually writing about it here! Ecstatic utterance was not exclusive to the early church. Paul earlier taught that the pagans engaged in this type of speech when worshipping false idols. This does not mean that true spiritual worship has no ecstatic type elements to it. The gifts themselves are seen as divinely inspired speech [the speaking ones]. Isaiah 8:1 says ‘TAKE A LARGE SCROLL AND WRITE ON IT WITH THE PEN OF A MAN’. God was telling Isaiah that he would use his actual writings as inspired instruments from him. Scripture also speaks of ‘the tongue of a ready writer’ we are called ‘living letters’ by Paul himself. Paul doesn’t challenge the legitimacy of this type of gift, but he does stress the importance of approaching all the gifts from a standpoint of unselfishness. If when the believers are gathered, they are all functioning in self edifying gifts, then they are making the same mistake that Paul rebuked earlier with the Lords table. The purpose of the gathering and gifts are for the building up of others and not for self gain. So Paul warns them of the selfish use of the gifts. He says it’s better to use Prophecy or Teaching because others can learn and grow. Some Pentecostal groups make a distinction between the prayer time and the ministry time. They practice tongues during corporate prayer and then treat ‘a tongue uttered’ during the service as something that needs interpretation. I see some merit to his, but it should be noted that here Paul does say ‘when you bless with the Spirit’ [prayer over a meal or something like it] that your prayer is fine, but still the other person doesn’t benefit. So Paul actually includes both ‘prayer tongues’ and ‘a word in tongues’ as needing to be tamped down during the public gathering. Of course we will see the teaching on private tongues as being fine, the point I am making is Paul includes ‘prayer tongues’ along with the other type. The main thrust of Paul’s teaching on Tongues is that the gift itself is legitimate [definitions of the gift vary!] but that all the gifts of the Spirit should be used unselfishly. ‘Well brother, Paul himself says it’s fine to pray in tongues to build yourself up! Got you now!’ well actually you don’t! ‘Building ones self up’ in a private setting can be considered beneficial to the overall corporate group. I just prayed/mediated for around an hour before writing, this was personal ‘self building’ for the purpose of corporate teaching. No matter where you personally come down on the various gifts of the Spirit, it is important to do all things with the benefit of others in mind. I hate to stick this example in here, but heck I just came up with it! Last night I was watching the news. I channel surf from CNN, MSNBC, FOX and even hit the PBS station every now and again [plus the big 3 networks]. Its still the first week of President Obama’s presidency and I couldn’t help but notice the unbelievable amount of ‘slobbering’ [yes, I borrowed it from Bernie Goldberg] that was taking place. I actually clicked the channel from Hannity to CNN. Hannity just finished talking about the embarrassing amount of gushing that the media were doing over Obama. As I clicked to Anderson Cooper, they were showing clips from the first media interview that Obama has given since being in office. It was a very good interview to an Arab language station. As Cooper was asking the reporters on their first thoughts of the interview, one actually said ‘it is so unbelievably outstanding that I am actually ‘giddy’. Now, I don’t subscribe to the Hannity/Limbaugh stuff 100%, but this really was too much. The media are putting such a high expectation on the poor man that no human being could possibly fulfill their image of the man. It was also reported that George [Stephanopoulos-?] actually cried during the inauguration. Of course Chris Matthews will go down in history for describing a ‘feeling going up his leg’ during coverage of an Obama speech. What’s wrong with this picture? I understand that the average white man feels self affirmed when he engages in public displays of support for Black advancement. I too like our President and do pray regularly for him. Not too long ago I met a black homeless friend, he actually has a little apartment but he was at the free mission so I sometimes refer to all these brothers as homeless. He was under the impression that I ran some type of ministry that took in money [I never take any offerings, for radio or anything else] so as I offered to by him some groceries and stuff, he kinda went a little overboard. I really didn’t have any ‘extra money’ but I bought it any way. I didn’t get mad or feel bad about it. I still see the brother every now and then and am still willing to help him. Now, is it better to show your love for the black man by publicly crying and gushing and describing sexual type feelings when listening to the new president speak, or to actually go out and find some black person in need and meet the need? I don’t want to get into the whole political scene at all, sometimes it gets me mad. I have actually ‘cussed’ [yes, I admit it] at the screen at times. [Little curse words, not the big ones!] The point being we all need to heed the admonition in scripture to show our love by our deeds and actions. To simply put on a public display for the world means very little.

(1007)CORINTHIANS 14:20-33 Paul instructs the church that when they are gathered together they should do things ‘decently and in order’. God is not the author of confusion. Notice the ‘order’ of the early church meeting. It is participatory in nature, those who give a word should take turns, those who give ‘a tongue’ need to let someone interpret. But there is no sense of ‘a pastoral speaking gift’ in this mix. Some teach that here Paul was giving directions to ‘the home group’ but they still had a regular ‘church service at the building’. This of course has no support at all from scripture or 1st century church history. Paul was simply telling ‘the church’ how to act when they met. I don’t see any hard and fast rules in which Paul is dictating some type of mandatory liturgy to the people. He is giving them some basic guidelines that are in keeping with the idea that God’s people are ‘a body’. He encourages open participation in the group. He shows how someone could be sharing and another who is ‘sitting by’ can also have a revelation. The idea is people grow and mature when they function. People become co-dependant when they simply observe. The modern church service for the most part has believers as spectators while one person speaks. While there are times where one person speaking/teaching is fine, what we have done is exalted this very limited format of ‘church’ and made it the criteria of what church is supposed to be. Note how Paul does allow for the gift of tongues to be used in the gathering, but only when there is an interpreter. He even ‘lifts’ an obscure verse from Isaiah that says God used ‘the languages of foreigners’ as a sign of judgment against unbelief. This verse has been used by the strong anti charismatic crowd to kind of say that the whole tongues thing is ‘of the devil’. Basically Paul was applying this Old Testament verse to show that when languages are spoken that people don’t understand, then unbelievers and judgment can be present. In Acts 2 there were those who said ‘what is this strange thing [tongues] are they drunk or what’. Yet others heard the ‘wonderful works of God’ in their native tongue. The lack of spiritual discernment among those who thought they were drunk was a sign showing their ignorance of Gods Spirit at work. Grant it, you could hardly blame them for thinking this, but the point Paul is making is that unknown languages being used in a setting where unbelievers can walk in does act as a sign of judgment. Paul wasn’t teaching that the gift of tongues was itself a false gift. I think this chapter is important for the present day because very few places in scripture actually deal with the way believers should meet. This chapter gives some of the basic guidelines of what our meetings should look like. I think we could all learn from the Corinthian experience.

(1008) CORINTHIANS 14:34-40 ‘Let your women keep silent in the gathering, for it is not permitted for them to speak. If they have any questions let them ask their husbands at home’. As a practical matter, when me and my wife attend church, I bring one of those little note pads with me. You never know when your wife has a question! [This is a Joke! But now you can see why I don’t take offerings]. What is Paul saying here? In chapter 11, verse 5, he also told the women not to ‘prophesy’ with uncovered heads. Some think Paul is forbidding women to operate in the speaking gifts, specifically tongues. Here he seems to be addressing a specific issue at Corinth. He says ‘if they have questions let them ask their husbands’. It’s possible that the wives were interrupting the meetings, or taking an authoritative role that was beyond their calling. I already discussed how Corinth had a form of idolatry that incorporated ‘temple prostitution’. Paul did not want the churches to go the way of the culture at Corinth! Paul is not forbidding women in general to never ‘talk in church’. He closes this chapter with the admonition to do all things decently and in order. Paul has a special relationship with these believers. He spent quite a long time in their city [18 months] he launched another very effective ministry while at Corinth. Do you know what that was? He began his ‘writing ministry’ while at Corinth. He wrote his first 2 letters to the Thessalonians from the city. Paul was very hard on this church, but he did not yet challenge their basic identity as believers because of all their misgivings, he still treated them as Gods holy people. In the next chapter he will question whether or not ‘they are in the faith’. He will challenge them on their unbelief in the resurrection of Christ.

VERSES-

1Corinthians 13:1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.

1Corinthians 13:2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.

1Corinthians 13:3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.

1Corinthians 13:4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,

1Corinthians 13:5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

1Corinthians 13:6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;

1Corinthians 13:7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

1Corinthians 13:8 Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.

1Corinthians 13:9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.

1Corinthians 13:10 But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.

1Corinthians 13:11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

1Corinthians 13:12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

1Corinthians 13:13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

1Corinthians 14:1 Follow after charity, and desire spiritual gifts, but rather that ye may prophesy.

1Corinthians 14:2 For he that speaketh in an unknown tongue speaketh not unto men, but unto God: for no man understandeth him; howbeit in the spirit he speaketh mysteries.

1Corinthians 14:3 But he that prophesieth speaketh unto men to edification, and exhortation, and comfort.

1Corinthians 14:4 He that speaketh in an unknown tongue edifieth himself; but he that prophesieth edifieth the church.

1Corinthians 14:5 I would that ye all spake with tongues but rather that ye prophesied: for greater is he that prophesieth than he that speaketh with tongues, except he interpret, that the church may receive edifying.

1Corinthians 14:6 Now, brethren, if I come unto you speaking with tongues, what shall I profit you, except I shall speak to you either by revelation, or by knowledge, or by prophesying, or by doctrine?

1Corinthians 14:7 And even things without life giving sound, whether pipe or harp, except they give a distinction in the sounds, how shall it be known what is piped or harped?

1Corinthians 14:8 For if the trumpet give an uncertain sound, who shall prepare himself to the battle?

1Corinthians 14:9 So likewise ye, except ye utter by the tongue words easy to be understood, how shall it be known what is spoken? for ye shall speak into the air.

1Corinthians 14:10 There are, it may be, so many kinds of voices in the world, and none of them is without signification.

1Corinthians 14:11 Therefore if I know not the meaning of the voice, I shall be unto him that speaketh a barbarian, and he that speaketh shall be a barbarian unto me.

1Corinthians 14:12 Even so ye, forasmuch as ye are zealous of spiritual gifts, seek that ye may excel to the edifying of the church.

1Corinthians 14:13 Wherefore let him that speaketh in an unknown tongue pray that he may interpret.

1Corinthians 14:14 For if I pray in an unknown tongue, my spirit prayeth, but my understanding is unfruitful.

1Corinthians 14:15 What is it then? I will pray with the spirit, and I will pray with the understanding also: I will sing with the spirit, and I will sing with the understanding also.

1Corinthians 14:16 Else when thou shalt bless with the spirit, how shall he that occupieth the room of the unlearned say Amen at thy giving of thanks, seeing he understandeth not what thou sayest?

1Corinthians 14:17 For thou verily givest thanks well, but the other is not edified.

1Corinthians 14:18 I thank my God, I speak with tongues more than ye all:

1Corinthians 14:19 Yet in the church I had rather speak five words with my understanding, that by my voice I might teach others also, than ten thousand words in an unknown tongue.

1Corinthians 14:20 Brethren, be not children in understanding: howbeit in malice be ye children, but in understanding be men.

1Corinthians 14:21 In the law it is written, With men of other tongues and other lips will I speak unto this people; and yet for all that will they not hear me, saith the Lord.

1Corinthians 14:22 Wherefore tongues are for a sign, not to them that believe, but to them that believe not: but prophesying serveth not for them that believe not, but for them which believe.

1Corinthians 14:23 If therefore the whole church be come together into one place, and all speak with tongues, and there come in those that are unlearned, or unbelievers, will they not say that ye are mad?

1Corinthians 14:24 But if all prophesy, and there come in one that believeth not, or one unlearned, he is convinced of all, he is judged of all:

1Corinthians 14:25 And thus are the secrets of his heart made manifest; and so falling down on his face he will worship God, and report that God is in you of a truth.

1Corinthians 14:26 How is it then, brethren? when ye come together, every one of you hath a psalm, hath a doctrine, hath a tongue, hath a revelation, hath an interpretation. Let all things be done unto edifying.

1Corinthians 14:27 If any man speak in an unknown tongue, let it be by two, or at the most by three, and that by course; and let one interpret.

1Corinthians 14:28 But if there be no interpreter, let him keep silence in the church; and let him speak to himself, and to God.

1Corinthians 14:29 Let the prophets speak two or three, and let the other judge.

1Corinthians 14:30 If any thing be revealed to another that sitteth by, let the first hold his peace.

1Corinthians 14:31 For ye may all prophesy one by one, that all may learn, and all may be comforted.

1Corinthians 14:32 And the spirits of the prophets are subject to the prophets.

1Corinthians 14:33 For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints.

1Corinthians 14:34 Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law.

1Corinthians 14:35 And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.

1Corinthians 14:36 What? came the word of God out from you? or came it unto you only?

1Corinthians 14:37 If any man think himself to be a prophet, or spiritual, let him acknowledge that the things that I write unto you are the commandments of the Lord.

1Corinthians 14:38 But if any man be ignorant, let him be ignorant.

1Corinthians 14:39 Wherefore, brethren, covet to prophesy, and forbid not to speak with tongues.

1Corinthians 14:40 Let all things be done decently and in order.

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birdsinsidethebells · 6 years ago

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Find Your Goddess Archetype

http://goddess-power.com/index.htm

My Results: Artemis and Hestia

A Brief Psychological Overview of Artemis

Artemis - Possesses an introverted and independent temperament (polar opposite to Athena) - represents the goddess of Nature - concerned with matters of the outdoors, animals, environmental protection, women’s communities - she is practical, adventurous, athletic and preferring solitude. She symbolizes regenerative Earth power over all living things. Both Artemis and Athena bore arms as protectress goddesses. Historically, Artemis was born quickly by her mother, Leto. However, due to a curse from Hera, Artemis was the one who, immediately following her own birth, assisted her mother’s delivery of her brother in a long and difficult labor. She became known as the patroness of childbirth. Artemis, armed with bow and arrow, possesses the power to inflict plagues and death, or to heal. She is known as the protectress of little children, baby animals and, yet, she also loves the hunt. Artemis is one of the ‘virgin’ androgynous goddesses. Due to her well-integrated masculine energy and independence, Artemis does not possess much need for a man to complete her. Her awareness is focused. A predominately Artemis type woman may enjoy a companion who will work alongside her, sharing her practical pursuits - parallel relatedness in shared activities, yet, each one retaining their strong and distinct identities in their fairly separate lives. They may come together enjoying a deep, intuitive connection with minimal ‘chatter’. Artemis, the goddess, was known to shun men.

The Ancient Olympian Goddesses - A Deeper Look

Artemis - represents the feminine archetype of Nature & the Wilds -virgin, pure, primitive - of wild places - Mother of Creatures. The function of virgins was to dispense the Mother’s grace to heal, to prophesy, to perform sacred dances, and wail for the dead. Artemis' image at Ephesus depicts a torso covered with breasts conveying her as the fertile nurturer of all living things. She was also the Huntress, killer/destroyer of the very creatures she brought forth - demonstrating the light and dark side of the goddess.

Psychologically, Artemis belongs to the category of‘virgin’ goddess - self-directed, autonomous, focused consciousness.

· To the Romans, Artemis was known as Diana

· Her ‘masculine’ energy can be deeply transformed or sublimated in highly creative ways.

· Androgynous nature - containing both feminine and masculine energies - complete, whole in and of herself - her true relationship is with herself

· Androgynous energy contained within converts to visions, mystical experiences, and a deep, enduring compassion for all of Nature

· Lover of animals and the serenity found in Nature, on the one hand, and, destroyer on the other, Artemis-goddess leads the nocturnal hunt deep in the forest

· Similar to Athena, psychologically - youthful, boyish, independent, strong, autonomous, energetic, born with strong masculine qualities in her nature and, particularly for Artemis, an intense love of freedom.

· Disposed to gender-role confusion

· Solitary nature teaching her self-sufficiency & independence - prophesy, poetry, music, magic and healing

· Artemis women allow Nature to frequently replace human relations - requiring solitary retreat whereby the ego is free from external stimulation.

· Artemis women find that the non-stop presence of others hinders her presence to herself, therefore, requiring retreat into the solitude of natural world and offering reconnection to her inner self.

· Many Artemis women, who would prefer living closer to Nature, are displaced in cities

· Disinclined by their true nature toward role of wife/motherhood or for the values of conventional society - Artemis types may prefer companionship of women who share her sense of presence of self and self-sufficiency

Mythological History

· Artemis’ mother was Leto, a nature deity who bore Artemis without pain. Artemis’ father was Zeus.

· Artemis, directly following her own birth - a newborn, herself, Artemis assisted as midwife to her mother, Leto, throughout a very difficult birth to her twin brother, Apollo. Artemis was subsequently considered a goddess of childbirth.

· Artemis, the protectress, on many occasions ‘rescued’ her own mother.

· At Ephesus, Artemis was worshiped as the many-breasted Great Mother.

· Classic Greek historians, on the other hand, depict her as a virgin who never mothers a child of her own, shunning men and living in the forest on the fringe of the inhabited world.

· Artemis - the patroness of midwives - Mother of Birth and of Death/Huntress and taker of life - representing both the Light and the Dark side of the goddess’ nature.

· Artemis, who is every bit as beautiful as Aphrodite, makes sacred - solitude, natural and primitive living - she is not flattered by or interested in male suitors.

· Artemis severely punishes any man who lays eyes on her naked body - she turned one spying man into a deer and his hunting dogs, no longer recognizing him, tore him apart.

· Artemis possesses deep sympathy for the Earth and all its living beings and employs the role of protectress - she is enraged by the exploitation of nature and powerless creatures.

· Artemis is Apollo’s twin sister - Dionysus is the dark brother of Apollo.

· Artemis may have, early on, prior to later Greek patriarchal manipulation, been the Great Mother, triple in her power as Maiden, Mother and Crone. Artemis may likely be one of the oldest of all the Greek goddesses - belonging to the most ancient layer of human memory.

Challenges Facing Artemis

· She tends to avoid her vulnerability in relation to others - hiding her emotional needs, even to herself.

· Artemis tends toward emotional distancing - difficulty trusting relationship.

· Growth for Artemis type woman is in developing her less conscious, human relationship side of herself.

· Artemis type needs rewarding and challenging goals toward which to strive, if Artemis is unable to find fulfilling self-expression in her life she will feel increasingly frustrated and depressed.

Artemis’ Dark Side

Primitive power of her bloodlust, ‘righteous rage’ - Artemis woman’s task is to confront her ‘inner wild boar’ - while sacrificing her ‘righteous and avenging’ goddess. She does this by humbly accepting her own flaws and mistakes as a human woman, compassionate with herself, first, then she may hold compassion towards others.

Artemis’ Wound

Self-esteem issues involving intimate relationship resulting from early isolation from other girls and, later, sense of rejection/exclusion by boys.

Artemis’ Gifts

Ability to focus, set goals and reach them; autonomy/independence, ability to develop meaningful connection with other women.

Artemis’ Personality

As a Child and Adolescent:

· Strong, tom-boyish body, keenly instinctual connection with her body.

· She rejects the culturally prescribed behavior & interests of little girls as charming and compliant pleasers - may be criticized for appearing unfeminine.

· Athletic, competitive, persevering

· She may have her own horse, or at least love to ride horses.

· She is an animal lover, determined to become a veterinarian.

· She loves the woods-exploring plants, forests, streams, wild creatures, an adventurer.

As an Adult Woman:

• Strong adolescent persona persists even as an adult

• Non-traditional in her interests and approach to life

• Usually chooses her field of work as a result of her passion - sportswoman, biologist, veterinarian, geologist, environmental advocate, healer, herbologist, shaman or other solitary professions

• Holds feminist views and sisterly affiliations with other women

• Sexual expression leans more toward recreational sport or excitement of a new experience more so than for emotional intimacy - In later life sexuality shifts to following her interests which possess personal meaning to her

• A woman in whom Artemis archetype predominates will require a good degree of freedom and independence. Like her Athenian sister, she needs to direct her own life in a way that gives her personal fulfillment/accomplishment rather than by meeting the expectations of others.

• She needs Nature; if she does not adequately feed herself good doses of the ‘natural’ world, she will find herself feeling out-of-sorts, irritable or depressed.

• As a mother, if she chooses this path, she is most likely fiercely protective of her children’s well-being while giving them plenty of freedom to experience

Historic females embodying the Artemis archetype: Hildegard of Bingen - a healer, poet, musician and visionary (1100’s C.E.), Juliana of Norwich - writer who penned “God is our Mother”- in an attempt to refocus Christian awareness of her day back toward the valuation of Mother earth and the body (1300’s C.E.).

Modern day Artemis types: Jane Goodall, animal researcher/scientist studying chimpanzees in Tanzania for over 30 years. She also combines international animal advocacy and environment; Georgia O’Keefe - modern artist embracing nature and combining feminine sexuality in her artwork; Peggy Callahan, wolf biologist - wildlife conservation & management; Mary Jo Casalena, wild turkey biologist, studying and managing migrating birds. Billie Jean King, retired U.S. tennis pro of the late ’60’s and ’70’s.

A Brief Psychological Overview of Hestia

Hestia - Possesses an introverted temperament and is focused on her inner, spiritual world. Hestia is an archetype of inner centeredness. She was known to be mild mannered, upstanding, charitable, as well as a protector. She is the least known of the Olympian goddesses primarily because she never takes part in any disputes or wars. She minds her own business amidst a family of goddesses and gods who engage in ‘high drama’. Similarly to Athena and Artemis, she resists the amorous advances of men, therefore, placing her in the ‘virgin’goddess category. Her energy is impersonal and detached. Her awareness is focused. Different than Persephone who seeks to please others, Hestia’s focus is for herself. She is grounded and her life has meaning. Unlike Athena and Artemis, Hestia did not venture out to explore the world or wilderness; she remained inside, contained within the hearth. The goddess, Hestia did not take a partner. A Hestia-type woman, today, may prefer to live a more solitary life or live within a community of like-minded, spiritual ‘sisters.’

The Ancient Olympian Goddesses - A Deeper Look

Hestia - is the goddess of the hearth - she symbolized the household fire - the flame burning in the hearth. The hearth in each home was the central place around which family members gathered. When a family member left their home to begin a new family, a parcel of fire was taken from the family home to begin the new home fire - symbolizing the continuity of family through the perpetual flame. Each town center also had its communal hearth where the public fire was maintained. The fire of the Hestia, meaning hearth, was also used in sacrifices, and, therefore, taking on a sacred character to its citizens. Hestia is an archetype of inner centeredness/inner wisdom

Psychologically, Hestia belongs to the category of‘virgin’goddess. She is independent, autonomous and, focused on her inner spiritual world, she is not seeking a relationship with a man to complete her. Her energy is impersonal and detached. Her awareness is focused.

• To the Romans she was known as Vesta

• Hestia was a fire divinity

• Hestia was the first born of the second generation of Olympian goddesses and gods - her parents were Cronos (god of Earth & Time) and Rhea

• Hestia was swallowed by her father, Cronos, at birth.

• Hestia’s province was that of protecting the home, family and also the city

• She was believed to dwell in the inner part of every house and to preside over all sacrifices - her presence made both home and temple hearths holy

• A perpetually burning flame were features of her sanctuary - Hestia’s presence was felt in the living flame at the center of the home, temple and city

• Temples of Hestia were characterized by their circular form, embracing the notion of centricity in the earth as well as the universe - her symbol is the Circle

• Hestia was nearly raped by a lesser known divinity at a festival - he was unsuccessful

• Hestia’s dignity and her rights as the eldest were recognized; however, she took little advantage of her position and played a very minor role in Olympian drama

• Both the gods Poseidon and Apollo requested her hand in marriage - she turned them down

• Hestia turned to her brother, Zeus, in order to put an end to the unwanted male attention toward her - she vowed to remain a virgin for ever - Zeus accepted her vow

• Hestia was not represented in human form neither by sculptors nor painters

• Instead of marriage, Hestia was offered a seat in the midst of the celestial dwelling-place and receives the richest part of sacrifices

• Hestia is visualized as a stately yet not intimidating figure; she is pretty yet not beautiful.

• She is kindly yet distant - she possesses the ability to love impartially

• Her demeanor is modest and gentle

• She is self-sufficient and self-directed - inner focused

Challenges facing Hestia

The majority of modern-day women are missing sufficient Hestia archetype within them. As an archetype of inner centeredness/wisdom, Hestia archetype does not exhibit reactionary behavior. This archetype is not interested in being out in the world - rather, self-contained within herself

• Hestia archetype flourishes in a spiritual community - particularly meditative

• Hestia shares her archetype with vestal virgins and nuns who give up their personal identity/their names and strive toward self-less-ness - a life dedicated to service

• Possible difficulties for a Hestia-type woman in today’s world - presenting herself as a ‘non-entity’, in other words - she has no desire to stand out, and not as a result of her own family or cultural conditioning, rather, by her own conscious choice.

• Hestia type lacks assertiveness - she will not speak up - she is out of place in this modern, fast-paced, competitive world

• Hestia type needs to develop an effective ‘persona’ - a social adaptation aiding her in interacting and in getting along in the world when circumstances require

• Hestia type, due to her introverted nature, tends to be undemonstrative with her feelings toward others even though she may care for them

• Hestia’s caring is impersonal, detached - her challenge may be to let those close to her know that she cares

• Hestia types appear to lack outer ambition - she is a home-body and tends to the hearth/the needs of the home

Hestia’s Dark Side

• Hestia appears to be the only goddess without an apparent dark side - she avoided the drama of her ‘family’ - refused to get ‘in-the-middle’ of their issues, remains calm, grounded, centered, and maintains focus on her own personal meaning

• One way of thinking of Hestia’s dark side - if we think, metaphorically- her resisting the advances made on her by both Apollo (God of Sun = intellect, logical reasoning) and Poseidon (God of Sea = the unconscious, emotion) - If Hestia is seduced by these aspects:

• Seduced by the need for logical reasoning, she will feel compelled to dismiss her keen intuition because she is unable to ‘logically explain herself’.

• Seduced by the unconscious, she runs the risk of becoming overwhelmed with psychic influences and/or emotional situations that keep her off balance.

Hestia’s Wound

• In modern societies, particularly in the United States, modern woman has forfeited, for a variety of reasons, the prerogative of tending home and hearth - maintaining the home fire.

• Hestia’s wound is more about the fact that she has little place to exist in this society with the current social values on consumerism-‘having more’, ‘gotta-have-it’ - which requires increased work hours to enable increased spending, therefore, creating increasingly frantic lifestyle as a result

• Modern women who are less assertive and less intellectual often feel, inwardly, second-rate in our fast-paced, competitive society. A woman exhibiting a quiet presence, following her own internal (rather than externally exhibited) spirituality is, at best, misunderstood and viewed “quirky”, or a “loner”

• Hestia experiences her wound when she is measured and judged by others’ outer-focused, tangible standards of success, accomplishment, or marital status.

Hestia’s Gift

• Hestia type woman is able to enjoy her solitude - not just ‘here’ and ‘there’ whenever she can ‘grab a moment’ - but, truly enjoying her own being, consistently - she is notinterested in ‘keeping busy’ - she does notenjoy ‘background noise’ to keep her company

• Hestia exhibited an inner strength which rendered Aphrodite unsuccessful in seducing or persuading any love/eros desire in Hestia - Hestia has strength to resistall that takes her away from her own center

• Hestia offers the gift of ritual-making, a powerful, affirming psychological method of honoring

Hestia’s Personality

As a Child and Adolescent:

• Hestia child tends to be quiet, compliant; however, on her own she enjoys self-directed play, exhibiting the beginnings of her own self-sufficiency

• Hestia child may simply withdraw to her room in the midst of difficulty in her family life

• She may feel isolated and alienated in her family because she feels so different from them - and, she is different

• She may be labeled as ‘shy’ by others; however, this is an example of other people misunderstanding her true nature

• As a teen she tends to steer clear of the social dramas of her peers. She may be perceived as a non-participant on the periphery of school life and activities, or, she may have one or two friends who share her more introverted, sensitive nature.

As an Adult Woman:

• In our modern culture, Hestia archetype is not predominant for the majority of women. Most women have other goddess archetypes predominant, yet some women may have hints of Hestia in their make-up. Other women may wish to cultivate Hestia qualities within themselves

• Hestia type woman has a quiet, inner presence. She is detached in her relation to others, and she is unattached to any need for possessions, outcomes, status or power. She is free from the bind to external circumstances as her attachment to an identity is unimportant

• Hestia types seek quiet tranquility

• Hestia type is drawn to incorporating ritual, to meditation and to other reflective spiritual practices into her daily life

• Hestia type focuses on her own inner experience/feelings - she is inwardly connected

• Hestia type is keenly in touch with and connected to her personal values - with this knowledge, she lives her life by choosing that which is personally meaningful to her. She does not lose her center by pleasing others in ways that gratify ego/seeking acceptance

• Hestia, as keeper of the hearth, goes about her tasks in a calm, centered, focused manner - whether she is sweeping or doing laundry, she is fully engaged, focusing on her task at hand - like a meditation - and not at all concerned about the clock or what she will be doing next. She experiences a timeless calm in the midst of her immediate tasks

• Hestia types are ‘background’ women - she doesn’t stand out; she appears anonymous. However, her presence is feltby others creating an atmosphere of tranquilorder

• Meaningis a key point in a Hestia woman’s life - what she does, who she is with reflect the meaning she holds of value

• Hestia type is not drawn into gossip and she isn’t interested in intellectual discourse

• Hestia type is a good listener, she shows compassion in her detached manner

• Because Hestia type appears to lack the driving outer ambition of her Athena and Artemis sisters, and since she doesn’t value power as her Hera sister, she may more than likely have a traditional, uninspiring job. She may feel unclear regarding her career direction.

• Sexuality is not of key importance in a primarily Hestia type woman; however, she enjoys the experience when it occurs

• A Hestia type who is married may appear to be in a traditional wife role, however, a truly Hestia woman maintains her inner autonomy and does not require a man in order to feel emotionally fulfilled

• A woman in whom Hestia archetype predominates is often a single woman who lives differently from the conventions of society. Her family or married friends who subscribe to “normal” lives may ‘pity’ her aloneness. However, it is often the unconscious fearof alone-ness - lonelinesswithin the individualthat creates the presumptionthat the Hestia woman is unhappy or pitiable.

• A Hestia woman has cultivated a rich inner life and, therefore, has faced the challenge of human aloneness.

• A Hestia woman has cultivated positive aspects of the ‘Recluse’ - an independent and creative woman, she craves solitude which offers her the sacred space in which she makes contact with her deepest self - the place where she meets spirit.

Historic females embodying the Hestia archetype: As has been previously stated, Hestia type women do not stand out. I read about the widowed Marcella, in the 11th century C.E., who chose to live an ascetic disciplined life in her own home with her mother. She also instructed her aristocratic female friends. Domnina, 15th century C.E., lived in a hut in her mother’s garden following ascetic discipline. Macrina, 10th century C.E. never married and never left her mother. She led an ascetic life at home living with her mother for some years, after which time her mother freed herself of her worldly responsibilities. Then, the two women along with their female attendants created a communal ascetic life, together.

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