#my mental health’s been in a precarious place since the allen shooting bc it was so close to me
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i think my energy’s crashed a little
#i was high earlier#im trying to be better don’t get me wrong but. hm#also im just thinking about the train crash in india#the death toll is currently over 300 and they’re still finding bodies#im american-indian so seeing that news absolutely shattered my heart#my mental health’s been in a precarious place since the allen shooting bc it was so close to me#and this may be the tipping point#sending prayers to the victims and their families of course 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽#i don’t know what to do anymore except pray. maybe it’ll work this time who knows#but i don’t wanna pray after something bad happens i want that bad thing to not have happened kn the first place yknow#religion’s all i have atp. if i don’t have bhagwan then the foundation of my life is pulled out from under me#and my mental health is so much better than it used to be i don’t wanna test that#im just sad and tired and in the drug afterglow#that dull buzz after the initial high and then… the emptiness that’s somehow full too#like a distorted distended body that’s not my own but i can operate like it is#fuck man. lol#im gonna go to sleep now. night y’all#🐋.txt
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