#my mental health is 300% worse than it was in 2016 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bonaintan · 5 years ago

Text

A Journey to KGSP/GKS: How I Ended Up in Korea

Everyone has at least one turning point in their life. It’s a momentum when one believes that his/her life has completely changed and a new one has begun. To me, KGSP/GKS is one of my turning points. I wouldn’t say that my journey to get the scholarship and my student life in Korea were full of blood and tears. Tough days were there, but there must be a bunch of more heart-breaking stories other than mine. God allows us to experience things and difficulties within our ability and even though I had mine in an unexpected way, I know that He had been very soft to me all the time. It was the time when I learned different versions of myself I never knew existed. And just now, months after I graduated and managed to finish the program safely that I had the courage to share my experience.

---

Korean Government Scholarship Program (KGSP), which has changed its name into the Global Korea Scholarship (GKS), is a scholarship program from the Government of the Republic of Korea. This program provides foreigners the opportunity to continue to higher education (undergraduate and graduate degree programs) in South Korea. You may click here for more information.

Studying abroad has always been one of my dreams since high school. It turned from a mere dream into a plan once I graduated from university. Given my major is not a common one (Family Science) especially in Indonesia, I knew that I should go overseas to do my master’s degree program. I could’ve just continued my studies at the same university where I graduated, but even my advisor suggested to find some overseas universities, the most possible one is in Malaysia. At the time, Korea hadn’t been on the list as I had no idea if any universities were providing my prospective major.

I only did my research on schools in Malaysia and the US until I ran into a broadcast message about overseas scholarship for graduate programs. The list was quite long so I did a quick scan and started to dig into each based on my country preference, where Korea happened to be one of it. Back then, my knowledge of Korea was limited to dramas that I got to watch along with my older sisters (if you have three older sisters you can hardly choose what to watch on TV) and then some bands my little sister listened to. So I’ve been a fan of the Korean entertainment industry before coming to Korea, but studying there was never on any of my imaginations because I was skeptical on the idea of learning a new language (there were days when I laughed on Korean language and how the actors/actresses look, never imagined it would be part of myself in the future).

Surprisingly, the moment I learned about KGSP/GKS, I decided to give it a go. I did calculations on time and energy that I had (I was working at the time) and knew that I could afford only one scholarship application at the time. So I wrapped up my research on other countries and scholarship programs and spent the rest of the year preparing for KGSP/GKS applications, which means that I literally gave my all to my first scholarship journey. As a person who was spoiled by her parents and never had experience in scholarship application before, it was quite overwhelming. But, I tried hard to prepare everything myself despite their disapproval. It was actually my way to show them as well as God that I could do it and I would make it (what a confidence. Lol).

I sent my application to the Korean Embassy in Jakarta as I applied via Embassy Track. I learned that the competition on the first round through this track was not a joke, but I simply preferred having three university choices rather than one and I didn’t want to take a risk of having my documents lost on the way (that’s odd, I know, but I’m always more on the safe side). Thank God, I got the interview call and then had my documents sent to Korea after passing the interview process. The next round was having my documents screened by the Korean National Institute for International Education (NIIED) in Korea and once I passed this process, I had to wait for the email from my chosen universities, whether they wanted to do another interview or directly announced their decision. At this round, a lot of awardees say that you’ve already put your first step in Korea and there will be at least one university that will accept you. The saying was such a tranquilizer for me that I even started to make my packing list (’m not always this confident, seriously).

I got the first email from Kyungpook National University who was interested in my application and sent me a written interview. While undergoing the university selection process, applicants have to submit the medical check-up form. And it was around that time when things started to go down the hill. It should be easy if you have no history of having any acute diseases. I was not a healthy kid myself so I was quite worried that something off would unveil. It turned out that the underlooked mental health check-list was the one that got in my way. I took my medical check-up in a nearby hospital which happened to be a mental hospital where the doctor couldn’t simply sign my form without doing all the tests including the mental one. So, I had to take a written test to get the psychiatrist's signature, which unfortunately turned out that she didn’t want to give.

It was probably the wrong time to take the test. I was tired and drained out after taking several tests in a day. But, I know the result wouldn’t turn out differently had I done it on another day. So, I had to respond either yes or no on 300 questions. I guess the test basically tries to reveal your mental state (e.g., stress, anxiety, depression) through your fears and your response to stressful situations. Unfortunately, my result didn’t come out well. As silly as it sounds, I couldn’t hold my tears in the counseling room when the psychiatrist showed me the result and told the story of people with similar cases like me and what happened to them. I sobbed not because she couldn’t give her recommendation, but because finally came the day when someone put my condition into words. It might sound like I was being judged and the way she frankly explained it to me was also unpleasant, but nothing was wrong with what she said which made me feel even worse.

You might think I could’ve just taken the test again in another hospital. But, I couldn’t let my money go down the drain, and asking my parents’ money was not part of the plan. Plus, I had no ample time to do it all over again and get the results on time. More than anything, I started to doubt my decision to study abroad. I knew that the fear of living away from my parents and not being able to handle things independently had always been there all along (I don’t know if anyone at my age could relate). Not only one person who pointed it out, but I kept on denying it. So, when it was brought to the surface especially by a professional, it was painful to the point that I considered withdrawing because I couldn't even trust myself to take a risk.

Surprise-surprise, only a few days after the medical check-up I received the acceptance email from Kyungpook National University. I took it as a yes from God. I had come that far and I wouldn't trade my spot for some future events no one never knew would really happen. So, with as much courage as I had, I took the mental health test again suggested by the kind nurse who listened to me crying in the counseling room, answered the same questions differently, and managed to receive the psychiatrist's signature to complete my medical form. Later, I got the acceptance notifications from Pusan National University and Seoul National University as well, which I ended up choosing the latter for my graduate school in Korea.

---

Preparing for KGSP/GKS applications and undergoing the selection process for months have taught me the pain of waiting and struggling. At one point, it showed me that I could push my boundary and instead of jumping out of my comfort zone, I tried to widen it and made things that were used to be hard become part of myself. With the permission of God, I could turn myself into such an overconfident head by asking prayers from people I know (in case my family’s prayers were not strong enough to persuade God. Lol). At another point, I was awakened to things I have been feared to deal with although I know I eventually have to. Confronting my fears wasn’t always pleasant nor that it affected me positively and became part of my comfort zone, but I did my share by trying to face it. At the end of the day, I learned Ikhlas and literally let God do the rest and decide for me. While waiting for the announcement I pictured the day I was rejected, hoping that it would ease the pain later. I also told myself hundred times that everything would be okay even if I failed as long as the sun still rises; I would cry my eyes out for days, receive comforting words halfheartedly, and wake up one day feeling okay again.

And my journey to be part of KGSP/GKS came to a beautiful end as I flew to Korea in August 2016 and started the real struggle for 3 years. Some of what the psychiatrist said back then about people with similar cases like me did happen to me too, but I finished it differently. It was tough years and only God’s mercy and the people I spent my time with in Korea that helped me to stay sane and get through it.

#korean government scholarship program #KGSP #studyinkorea #korean scholarship #scholarship for graduate programs #global korea scholarship #gks #scholarship journey #SouthKorea

23 notes · View notes

kristallioness · 5 years ago

Photo

2016 | 2017 | 2018

*quietly sneaks back in*... Happy New THIS Year, my dear followers! In Estonia, we have this saying that if you wish someone a 'happy new year' after Three Kings' Day (the 6th of January), you gotta have a bottle of alcohol with you and give them a drink. *lol*

Anyways, I would like to apologize for the sudden disappearance that happened prior to Christmas. I was just busy travelling back home for the holidays, unpacking and putting away my stuff, watching some great, traditional movies or shows on TV, and most importantly, working on those 2 latest masterpieces that I posted (which barely got 30 notes each.. *sigh*).

But as you can (and probably will) see, the year of the yellow earth pig (i.e. my dad's year) was a rollercoaster of emotions and accomplishments, or lacking thereof.

My creative side seems to have suffered the most due to lack of leisure time. I only managed to finish 3 full digital drawings and left behind several sketches or unfinished WIPs (2 of which are revealed here under the months of June and November for the first time, I intend to finish the Korrasami one btw). At least I got to start 2020 with a completed drawing on the very 1st day, ha-ha! Perhaps that's a good omen for this year?

If so, then I hope I'll find the time to finish the rest of the 2019 Inktober prompts, since I only did 4/31 this past October (even though I'd thought of ideas for all of them). I brought all the necessary drawing utensils and sheets of paper with me, so whenever I'm in the mood, I'll try to sketch another one.

*calculates for the nth time*.. I wrote 18,110 words worth of fanfiction, plus 820 words for the UYLD prompts (making the total 18,930). Technically, you can count another 8k+ in there, since it comes from that unfinished story (of Aang taking care of a flu-ridden Katara, as illustrated by the September sketch), which I haven't finished within the last 4 months or so. Plus, I barely wrote 1/5 of the amount compared to 2018.. *hides in shame*

Then again, I was an excellent pupil for picking up an actual book and reading through 150+ pages (which means I have ~300 pages to go). I'm talking about the new Kyoshi novel that came out. As I once said, I haven't voluntarily read a book in years make that 2 years ago (most of the reading I've done in my life is either Tom & Jerry comics, now the Avatar comic trilogies and art books as well as fanfiction online, or compulsory reading during school). But this novel is freaking fantastic superb!

Not only that, I bought all the new comic trilogies and managed to read them through. Damn, did they give me feels.. especially "Ruins of the Empire" (ngl I squeed so hard when I saw the Korrasami farewell kiss on the 1st page of the 2nd part). I can't wait to read the 3rd part this year!

However, I failed to rewatch Avatar last year, and I haven't seen Korra since.. 2016, I believe? Wow, that's 4 whole years.. But I intend to fix that mistake starting from 2020. Hopefully I'm in the mood to start my rewatch this weekend tonight. *fingers crossed*

But as I said, I had much less time to focus on my hobbies since 2019 was the year for finally moving on with my life (sort of, I'm still working on it). I still remember how down I'd been feeling for a while and how valid those emotions really were. The first quarter of the year (+ like a month or two) was a continuous descent into desperation and feelings of utter failure, which already started around the 2nd half of 2018 and only continued to deepen around that time.

Everything began to change when I was first chosen to be part of a 2-month summer internship in an IT company, and I had to start building a new nest in a new location in Tallinn this May. And now, I feel like I've hit the jackpot by getting a permanent job in another IT company this October.

I got the opportunity to work in two different fields, in two different teams within a year. I met some awesome colleagues (a lot of whom are foreigners) and got the chance to really put my English skills to the test.

Thanks to the new job, I also had to go to a free health check, which went really-really well. Despite my nervousness in the beginning, I feel much more relaxed about my physical (and mental) health, cause the results showed that everything's okay (something I'd been worried about since March 2017).

Speaking of health or staying healthy, there were a few sports events that I went to, too. Our team held the first winter team event (it was the first one for me, at least) by going to do archery in a range on the outskirts of the capital.

I watched the football match between 2 teams of our local league at my hometown together with my dad on his birthday. Our home team won the match and came in 4th place overall in the league this year, which is their best result so far (I'm really proud!). And merely days before I started work, I visited the Tallinn International Horse Show for the first time (also with my dad). I last got to watch horses jump over fences or dance to their musical programs ~ 10 years ago, and I loved it!

Event-wise 2019 was pretty full of them. As has become tradition, I went to the Defence Forces parade on our 101st Independence Day (which seemed rather bleak compared to the centennial, even more so since we didn't have ANY snow at the time).

What will hopefully become new traditions, I visited the television tower on the Restoration of Independence Day (where Uku Suviste gave a free concert in the evening), and went to the Veteran's Rock concert (to honour our war veterans) on our Freedom Square on the 23rd of April (since I'm residing in the capital now, I should be able to go again this year).

To continue with the centennial celebrations (yes, some things are STILL turning 100), I saw and explored inside the armoured train no. 7 called "Wabadus" ("Freedom") in the Baltic Station. This armoured train was one of the keys that led our country to victory during the War of Independence from 1918-1920.

There was an even bigger (150th) anniversary to celebrate in the beginning of July, when I attended our Song and Dance Festival. This was a really important, if not the biggest event of the year. I intend to make a longer post about my experience, cause it's something that you foreigners need to see for yourself. I can't simply describe or put it into words, I have to show you some videos and photos.

But while we're on the topic of concerts, I should mention that I went to 2 more at the beginning of June - Bon Jovi and Sting - as well as 2 that were part of Christmas tours in December - Elina Nechayeva and Rolf Roosalu.

Besides that, I went to 6 different festivals, half of which I'd been to several times before, such as the Türi Flower Fair, Jäneda Farm Days (where I went on my first helicopter ride for my 25th birthday present) and the Christmas market in the Old Town of Tallinn.

The other half is comprised of festivals that I'd been considering going to for a while, or which took place for the first time. The latter applies to the Black Food Festival, whereas the "Valgus Kõnnib" ("Wandering Lights") and the duck rally, both of which took place in Kadriorg, fall under the first category.

The duck rally is a charity event held in the beginning of June. Regular people can buy at least one (or several) rubber bath duckies for different prices, which will then be dumped into a tiny stream that'll carry them towards the finish line. This event has grown more popular each year, and the money the Estonian Association of Parents of Children with Cancer (sorry, long name in English!) collects is donated to the Cancer Treatment Fund.

*wipes forehead*.. Phew! I'm surprised, that's a whole lotta positivity for 2019. I think there's one more important, but seriously negative topic I haven't covered yet, but I feel should be mentioned and explained.

When it comes to politics, 2019 was a complete disaster for us. EKRE (Eesti Konservatiivne Rahvaerakond in Estonian, or Estonia's Conservative People's Party in English) i.e. our populist/nazi/pro-Trump party is in the government as of April 2019, thanks to 100,000+ idiots (out of our population of 1.3 million) who voted for them and gave them 19/101 seats in the Parliament.

No, I am NOT going to apologize for calling them a nazi party, because their main leaders have repeatedly supported ideology that's common to nazis (they use aggressive rhetoric, blame the media for making them look bad, downgrade women, minorities, are racist, anti-semitic etc...). And I will not apologize in front of the people who voted for them, because "thanks" to this, EKRE has dragged our country's reputation straight through a mud puddle (not to mention the scandals that have accompanied 5 of their ministers, 3 of who have THANKFULLY stepped down from their positions) and.. *swears like the British*.. it's BLOODY EMBARRASSING.

I am done being nice, I have at least some kind of prejudice about anyone who supports them or their ideals. And I will certainly not let Estonia end up like America. So that is why I participated in two protest events against EKRE and our current government (because the 2 other parties, who were willing to form the coalition with them, are spineless jellyfish that simply seek to hold onto their current positions of power). I'm willing to take bets as to when our government falls (the sooner the better).

*shakes off the frustration*.. Brrr! So besides that, I guess the only downside to 2019 was my spare time falling back in the list of priorities (which shows in the empty square of July).

2020 is gonna be the year of the white metal rat. I can only hope (and take action so) that it'll be just as eventful, and much more creative than 2019. Thank you all for following me (or lurking anonymously) for so long, especially to the bloggers who've offered me support through better or worse! *raises a glass* Here's to 2020!.. *sip*

#personal #shards of Kristal

10 notes · View notes

blackfreethinkers · 5 years ago

Link

Two kindergartners in Utah told a Latino boy that President Trump would send him back to Mexico, and teenagers in Maine sneered "Ban Muslims" at a classmate wearing a hijab. In Tennessee, a group of middle-schoolers linked arms, imitating the president's proposed border wall as they refused to let nonwhite students pass. In Ohio, another group of middle-schoolers surrounded a mixed-race sixth-grader and, as she confided to her mother, told the girl: "This is Trump country."

Since Trump's rise to the nation’s highest office, his inflammatory language — often condemned as racist and xenophobic — has seeped into schools across America. Many bullies now target other children differently than they used to, with kids as young as 6 mimicking the president’s insults and the cruel way he delivers them.

Trump’s words, those chanted by his followers at campaign rallies and even his last name have been wielded by students and school staff members to harass children more than 300 times since the start of 2016, a Washington Post review of 28,000 news stories found. At least three-quarters of the attacks were directed at kids who are Hispanic, black or Muslim, according to the analysis. Students have also been victimized because they support the president — more than 45 times during the same period.

Although many hateful episodes garnered coverage just after the election, The Post found that Trump-connected persecution of children has never stopped. Even without the huge total from November 2016, an average of nearly two incidents per school week have been publicly reported over the past four years. Still, because so much of the bullying never appears in the news, The Post’s figure represents a small fraction of the actual total. It also doesn’t include the thousands of slurs, swastikas and racial epithets that aren’t directly linked to Trump but that the president’s detractors argue his behavior has exacerbated.

“It’s gotten way worse since Trump got elected,” said Ashanty Bonilla, 17, a Mexican American high school junior in Idaho who faced so much ridicule from classmates last year that she transferred. “They hear it. They think it’s okay. The president says it. . . . Why can’t they?”

Asked about Trump’s effect on student behavior, White House press secretary Stephanie Grisham noted that first lady Melania Trump — whose “Be Best” campaign denounces online harassment — had encouraged kids worldwide to treat one another with respect.

First lady Melania Trump speaks at the White House in May 2018 about her “Be Best” campaign, which denounces online harassment. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post)

“She knows that bullying is a universal problem for children that will be difficult to stop in its entirety,” Grisham wrote in an email, “but Mrs. Trump will continue her work on behalf of the next generation despite the media’s appetite to blame her for actions and situations outside of her control.”

Most schools don’t track the Trump bullying phenomenon, and researchers didn’t ask about it in a federal survey of 6,100 students in 2017, the most recent year with available data. One in five of those children, ages 12 to 18, reported being bullied at school, a rate unchanged since the previous count in 2015.

However, a 2016 online survey of over 10,000 kindergarten through 12th-grade educators by the Southern Poverty Law Center found that more than 2,500 “described specific incidents of bigotry and harassment that can be directly traced to election rhetoric,” although the overwhelming majority never made the news. In 476 cases, offenders used the phrase “build the wall.” In 672, they mentioned deportation.

Withrow University High School

Someone sprayed hateful graffiti across campus, declaring "F- - - N-words and Faggots" and "Trump." The graffiti also threatened gay and black students and featured multiple swastikas -- the latter often painted alongside the president's last name.

Lewiston High School

After Ashanty Bonilla, 17, tweeted criticism of Trump supporters who visit Mexico, a classmate posted her message on Snapchat alongside a racist response and a Confederate flag. The next day, classmates heckled the teen with racist jeers, tied a rope to the back of her car and wrote "Republican Trump 2020" on the back window.

Amon Carter-Riverside High School

Georgia Clark, an English teacher in Fort Worth, tweeted at President Trump asking him to remove undocumented immigrants from her high school. She mistakenly believed her messages were private.

For Cielo Castor, who is Mexican American, the experience at Kamiakin High in Kennewick, Wash., was searing. The day after the election, a friend told Cielo, then a sophomore, that he was glad Trump won because Mexicans were stealing American jobs. A year later, when the president was mentioned during her American literature course, she said she didn't support him and a classmate who did refused to sit next to her. “‘I don’t want to be around her,’ ” Cielo recalled him announcing as he opted for the floor instead. Then, on “America night” at a football game in October 2018 during Cielo’s senior year, schoolmates in the student section unfurled a “Make America Great Again” flag. Led by the boy who wouldn’t sit beside Cielo, the teenagers began to chant: “Build — the — wall!” Horrified, she confronted the instigator. “You can’t be doing that,” Cielo told him. He ignored her, she recalled, and the teenagers around him booed her. A cheerleading coach was the lone adult who tried to make them stop. “I felt like I was personally attacked. And it wasn’t like they were attacking my character. They were attacking my ethnicity, and it’s not like I can do anything about that.”

— Cielo Castor

After a photo of the teenagers with the flag appeared on social media, news about what had happened infuriated many of the school’s Latinos, who made up about a quarter of the 1,700-member student body. Cielo, then 17, hoped school officials would address the tension. When they didn’t, she attended that Wednesday’s school board meeting. “I don’t feel cared for,” she told the members, crying. A day later, the superintendent consoled her and the principal asked how he could help, recalled Cielo, now a college freshman. Afterward, school staff members addressed every class, but Hispanic students were still so angry that they organized a walkout. Some students heckled the protesters, waving MAGA caps at them. At the end of the day, Cielo left the school with a white friend who’d attended the protest; they passed an underclassman she didn’t know. “Look,” the boy said, “it’s one of those f---ing Mexicans.” She heard that school administrators — who declined to be interviewed for this article — suspended the teenager who had led the chant, but she doubts he has changed. Reached on Instagram, the teenager refused to talk about what happened, writing in a message that he didn’t want to discuss the incident “because it is in the past and everyone has moved on from it.” At the end, he added a sign-off: “Trump 2020.”

President Trump’s rhetoric has been condemned as racist and xenophobic since his candidacy began in 2015. Here is what he’s said. (The Washington Post)

Just as the president has repeatedly targeted Latinos, so, too, have school bullies. Of the incidents The Post tallied, half targeted Hispanics.

In one of the most extreme cases of abuse, a 13-year-old in New Jersey told a Mexican American schoolmate, who was 12, that “all Mexicans should go back behind the wall.” A day later, on June 19, 2019, the 13-year-old assaulted the boy and his mother, Beronica Ruiz, punching him and beating her unconscious, said the family’s attorney, Daniel Santiago. He wonders to what extent Trump’s repeated vilification of certain minorities played a role.

More than 300 Trump-inspired harassment incidents reported by news outlets from 2016-2019

Anti-Hispanic: 45%

Anti-black: 23%

Anti-Semitic: 7%

Anti-Muslim: 8%

Anti-LGBT: 4%

Anti-Trump: 14%

Note: Some incidents targeted multiple groups and, in other cases, the ethnicity/gender/religion of the intended target was unclear. Figures may not precisely add up because of rounding.

“When the president goes on TV and is saying things like Mexicans are rapists, Mexicans are criminals — these children don’t have the cognitive ability to say, ‘He’s just playing the role of a politician,’ ” Santiago argued. “The language that he’s using matters.” Ruiz’s son, who is now seeing a therapist, continues to endure nightmares from an experience that may take years to overcome. But experts say that discriminatory language can, on its own, harm children, especially those of color who may already feel marginalized. “It causes grave damage, as much physical as psychological,” said Elsa Barajas, who has counseled more than 1,000 children in her job at the Los Angeles Department of Mental Health. As a result, she has seen Hispanic students suffer from sleeplessness, lose interest in school, and experience inexplicable stomach pain and headaches.

For Ashanty Bonilla, the damage began with the response to a single tweet she shared 10 months ago. “Unpopular opinion,” Ashanty, then 16 and a sophomore at Lewiston High School in rural Idaho, wrote on April 9. “People who support Trump and go to Mexico for vacation really piss me off. Sorry not sorry.” Some of Ashanty Bonilla’s classmates at Lewiston High in rural Idaho harassed her last April after she tweeted a comment critical of Trump supporters. (Rajah Bose/For The Washington Post) A schoolmate, who is white, took a screen shot of her tweet and posted it to Snapchat, along with a Confederate flag. “Unpopular opinion but: people that are from Mexico and come in to America illegally or at all really piss me off,” he added in a message that spread rapidly among students. The next morning, as Ashanty arrived at school, half a dozen boys, including the one who had written the message, stood nearby. “You’re illegal. Go back to Mexico,” she heard one of them say. “F--- Mexicans.” Ashanty, shaken but silent, walked past as a friend yelled at the boys to shut up. In a 33,000-person town that is 94 percent white, Ashanty, whose father is half-black and whose mother is Mexican American, had always worked to fit in. She attended every football game and won a school spirit award as a freshman. She straightened her hair and dyed it blond, hoping to look more like her friends. “It’s gotten way worse since Trump got elected. They hear it. They think it’s okay. The president says it. . . . Why can’t they?”

— Ashanty Bonilla

She had known those boys who’d heckled her since they were little. For her 15th birthday the year before, some had danced at her quinceañera. A friend drove her off campus for lunch, but when they pulled back into the parking lot, Ashanty spotted people standing around her car. A rope had been tied from the back of the Honda Pilot to a pickup truck. “Republican Trump 2020,” someone had written in the dust on her back window. Hands trembling, Ashanty tried to untie the rope but couldn’t. She heard the laughing, sensed the cellphone cameras pointed at her. She began to weep. Lewiston’s principal, Kevin Driskill, said he and his staff met with the boys they knew were involved, making clear that “we have zero tolerance for any kind of actions like that.” The incidents, he suspected, stemmed mostly from ignorance. “Our lack of diversity probably comes with a lack of understanding,” Driskill said, but he added that he’s encouraged by the school district’s recent creation of a community group — following racist incidents on other campuses — meant to address those issues. That effort came too late for Ashanty. Some friends supported her, but others told her the boys were just joking. Don’t ruin their lives. She seldom attended classes the last month of school. That summer, she started having migraines and panic attacks. In August, amid her spiraling despair, Ashanty swallowed 27 pills from a bottle of antidepressants. A helicopter rushed her to a hospital in Spokane, Wash., 100 miles away. After that, she began seeing a therapist and, along with the friend who defended her, transferred to another school. Sometimes, she imagines how different life might be had she never written that tweet, but Ashanty tries not to blame herself and has learned to take more pride in her heritage. She just wishes the president understood the harm his words inflict. Even Trump’s last name has become something of a slur to many children of color, whether they’ve heard it shouted at them in hallways or, in her case, seen it written on the back window of a car. “It means,” she said, “you don’t belong.”

Georgia Clark taught English at Amon Carter-Riverside High School in Fort Worth, where a student accused her of racism. (Allison V. Smith/For The Washington Post) Three weeks into the 2018-19 school year, Miracle Slover's English teacher, she alleges, ordered black and Hispanic students to sit in the back of the classroom at their Fort Worth high school. At the time, Miracle was a junior. Georgia Clark, her teacher at Amon Carter-Riverside, often brought up Trump, Miracle said. He was a good person, she told the class, because he wanted to build a wall. “Every day was something new with immigration,” said Miracle, now 18, who has a black mother and a mixed-race father. “That Trump needs to take [immigrants] away. They do drugs, they bring drugs over here. They cause violence.” Some students tried to film Clark, and others complained to administrators, but none of it made a difference, Miracle said. Clark, an employee of the Fort Worth system since 1998, kept talking. Clark, who denies the teenager’s allegations, is one of more than 30 educators across the country accused of using the president’s name or rhetoric to harass students since he announced his candidacy, the Post analysis found. In Clark’s class, Miracle stayed quiet until late spring 2019. That day, she walked in wearing her hair “puffy,” split into two high buns. Clark, she said, told her it looked “nappy, like Marge off ‘The Simpsons.’ ” Unable to smother an angry reply, Miracle landed in the principal’s office. An administrator asked her to write a witness statement, and in it, she finally let go, scrawling her frustration across seven pages. “I just got tired of it,” she said. “I wrote a ton.” Still, Miracle said, school officials took no action until six weeks later, when Clark, 69, tweeted at Trump — in what she thought were private messages — requesting help deporting undocumented immigrants in Fort Worth schools. The posts went viral, drawing national condemnation. Clark was fired. “Every day was something new with immigration. That Trump needs to take [immigrants] away. They do drugs, they bring drugs over here. They cause violence.”

— Miracle Slover, referring to Georgia Clark, her former English teacher

Not always, though, are offenders removed from the classroom. The day after the 2016 election, Donnie Jones Jr.’s daughter was walking down a hallway at her Florida high school when, she says, a teacher warned her and two friends — all sophomores, all black — that Trump would “send you back to Africa.” The district suspended the teacher for three days and transferred him to another school. Just a few days later in California, a physical education teacher told a student that he would be deported under Trump. Two years ago in Maine, a substitute teacher referenced the president’s wall and promised a Lebanese American student, “You’re getting kicked out of my country.” More than a year later in Texas, a school employee flashed a coin bearing the word “ICE” at a Hispanic student. “Trump,” he said, “is working on a law where he can deport you.” Sometimes, Jones said, he doesn’t recognize America. “People now will say stuff that a couple of years ago they would not dare say,” Jones argued. He fears what his two youngest children, ages 11 and 9, might hear in their school hallways, especially if Trump is reelected. Now a senior, Miracle doesn’t regret what she wrote about Clark. Although the furor that followed forced Miracle to switch schools and quit her beloved dance team, she would do it again, she said. Clark’s punishment, her public disgrace, was worth it. About a week before Miracle’s 18th birthday, her mother checked Facebook to find a flurry of notifications. Friends were messaging to say that Clark had appealed her firing, and that the Texas education commissioner had intervened. Reluctant to spoil the birthday, Jowona Powell waited several days to tell her daughter, who doesn’t use social media. Citing a minor misstep in the school board’s firing process, the commissioner had ordered Carter-Riverside to pay Clark one year’s salary — or give the former teacher her job back.

A snapshot of the harassment in 2019

In the three months after the president tweeted on July 14, 2019, that four minority congresswomen should "go back” to the countries they came from, more than a dozen incidents of Trump-related school bullying — including several that used his exact language — were reported in the press.

Mahtomedi High School & Como Park Senior High School

During a soccer game, students taunted a majority Asian-American team (which also included at least one Hispanic player) by telling them to go back to their countries and calling them "Asian food names."

Baldwin High School & Piper High School

During a volleyball game, students told black players on the court to go back to where they came from and made monkey noises at them.

Barack and Michelle Obama Ninth Grade Center

After a 14-year-old failed to address a staffer with "Yes, sir," the man showed the student a coin with "ICE" written on it and said, "Even though you are a citizen, Trump is working on a law where he can deport you, too, because of your mom’s status." The man later lost his job.

Everett Alvarez High School

Frontier High School

Students waving "Make America Great Again" flags disrupted a meeting of the school's Gay Straight Alliance, breaking up the gathering by shouting slurs before following the group's members to the parking lot.

Edward Little High School

Students yelled "Build the wall!" and "Ban Muslims!" as a 16-year-old Muslim girl walked through the hallways.

A 16-year-old student was arrested after posting on social media -- shortly after the deadly mass shootings in Dayton and El Paso — a photo of a pickup displaying a Trump flag, a Confederate flag and several guns. He captioned the post, "west harrison ain't ready for round 2."

Fans told one Hispanic player on the opposing team to “go back to your country” and called others “f---ing beaner” and "wetback" during a soccer game.

During a game in which a student was accused of using a racial slur againt a black player, fans also waved a Trump sign and chanted "America" when their team scored.

Cheerleaders from a largely white school held up a sign that read "Make America Great Again" and "Trump the Leopards" before a football game against a much more diverse school.

Before a football game, players ran through a banner reading "Make America Great Again Trump Those Patriots," triggering a backlash.

At least two minority students were bullied — in separate incidents — because the district allowed students to display a Trump banner at a high school football game, according to parents and school board members.

After students painted the school rock with rainbows to celebrate National Coming Out Day, someone painted over it with "Trump 2020," "MAGA 2020," "NRA" and an expletive. Later, two students — one black, one white — got into a fight about the issue.

During a volleyball game, students told black players on the court to go back to where they came from and made monkey noises at them.

In an apparent prank against a schoolmate, students created a fake Twitter account — which praised Adolf Hitler and Trump in its bio — and tweeted out racist remarks against a black high school coach. Jordyn Covington stood when she heard the jeers. “Monkeys!” “You don’t belong here.” “Go back to where you came from!” From atop the bleachers that day in October, Jordyn, 15, could see her Piper High School volleyball teammates on the court in tears. The sobbing varsity players were all black, all from Kansas City, Kan., like her. Who was yelling? Jordyn wondered. She peered at the students in the opposing section. Most of them were white. “It was just sad,” said Jordyn, who plays for Piper’s junior varsity team. “And why? Why did it have to happen to us? We weren’t doing anything. We were simply playing volleyball.” Go back? To where? Jordyn, her friends and Piper’s nine black players were all born in the United States. “Just like everyone else,” Jordyn said. “Just like white people.” “It was just sad. And why? Why did it have to happen to us? We weren’t doing anything. We were simply playing volleyball.” The game, played at an overwhelmingly white rural high school, came three months after Trump tweeted that four minority congresswomen should “go back” to the “totally broken and crime infested places from which they came.” It was Jordyn’s first experience with racism, she said. But it was not the first time that fans at a school sports game had used the president to target students of color.

The Post found that players, parents or fans have used his name or words in at least 48 publicly reported cases, hurling hateful slogans at students competing in elementary, middle and high school games in 26 states. The venom has been shouted on football gridirons and soccer fields, on basketball and volleyball courts. Nearly 90 percent of incidents identified by The Post targeted players and fans of color, or teams fielded by schools with large minority populations. More than half focused on Hispanics.

In one of the earliest examples, students at a Wisconsin high school soccer game in April 2016 chanted “Trump, build a wall!” at black and Hispanic players. A few months later, students at a high school basketball game in Missouri turned their backs and hoisted a Trump/Pence campaign sign as the majority-black opposing team walked onto the court. In 2017, two high school girls in Alabama showed up at a football game pep rally with a sign reading “Put the Panic back in Hispanic” and a “Trump Make America Great Again” banner. In late 2017, two radio hosts announcing a high school basketball game in Iowa were caught on a hot mic describing Hispanic players as “español people.” “As Trump would say,” one broadcaster suggested, “go back where they came from.” Both announcers were fired. After the volleyball incident in Kansas, though, the fallout was more muted. The opposing school district, Baldwin City, commissioned an investigation and subsequently asserted that there was “no evidence” of racist jeers. Administrators from Piper’s school system dismissed that claim and countered with a statement supporting their students. An hour after the game, Jordyn fought to keep her eyes dry as she boarded the team bus home. When white players insisted that everything would be okay, she slipped in ear buds and selected “my mood playlist,” a collection of somber nighttime songs. She wiped her cheeks. Jordyn had long ago concluded that Trump didn’t want her — or “anyone who is just not white” — in the United States. But hearing other students shout it was different. Days later, her English teacher assigned an essay asking about “what’s right and what’s wrong.” At first, Jordyn thought she might write about the challenges transgender people face. Then she had another idea. “The students were making fun of us because we were different, like our hair and skin tone,” Jordyn wrote. “How are you gonna be mad at me and my friends for being black. . . . I love myself and so should all of you.” She read it aloud to the class. She finished, then looked up. Everyone began to applaud.

It's not just young Trump supporters who torment classmates because of who they are or what they believe. As one boy in North Carolina has come to understand, kids who oppose the president — kids like him — can be just as vicious. By Gavin Trump’s estimation, nearly everyone at his middle school in Chapel Hill comes from a Democratic family. So when the kids insist on calling him by his last name — even after he demands that they stop — the 13-year-old knows they want to provoke him, by trying to link the boy to the president they despise. In fifth grade, classmates would ask if he was related to the president, knowing he wasn’t. They would insinuate that Gavin agreed with the president on immigration and other polarizing issues. “They saw my last name as Trump, and we all hate Trump, so it was like, ‘We all hate you,’ ” he said. “I was like, ‘Why are you teasing me? I have no relationship to Trump at all. We just ended up with the same last name.’ ” Beyond kids like Gavin, the Post analysis also identified dozens of children across the country who were bullied, or even assaulted, because of their allegiance to the president. School staff members in at least 18 states, from Washington to West Virginia, have picked on students for wearing Trump gear or voicing support for him. Among teenagers, the confrontations have at times turned physical. A high school student in Northern California said that after she celebrated the 2016 election results on social media, a classmate accused her of hating Mexicans and attacked her, leaving the girl with a bloodied nose. Last February, a teenager at an Oklahoma high school was caught on video ripping a Trump sign out of a student’s hands and knocking a red MAGA cap off his head. And in the nation’s capital — where only 4 percent of voters cast ballots for Trump in 2016 — an outspoken conservative teenager said she had to leave her prestigious public school because she felt threatened. In a YouTube video, Jayne Zirkle, a high school senior, said that the trouble started when classmates at the School Without Walls discovered an online photo of her campaigning for Trump. She said students circulated the photo, harassed her online and called her a white supremacist. A D.C. school system official said they investigated the allegations and allowed Jayne to study from home to ensure she felt safe. “A lot of people who I thought were my best friends just all of a sudden totally turned their backs on me,” Jayne said. “People wouldn’t even look at me or talk to me.” For Gavin, the teasing began in fourth grade, soon after Trump announced his candidacy. After more than a year of schoolyard taunts, Gavin decided to go by his mother’s last name, Mather, when he started middle school. The teenager has been proactive, requesting that teachers call him by the new name, but it gets trickier, and more stressful, when substitutes fill in. He didn’t legally change his last name, so “Trump” still appears on the roster. The teasing has subsided, but the switch wasn’t easy. Gavin likes his real last name and feared that changing it would hurt his father’s feelings. His dad understood, but for Gavin, the guilt remains. “This is my name,” he said. “And I am abandoning my name.”

Maritza Avalos knows what's coming. It's 2020. The next presidential election is nine months away. She remembers what happened during the last one, when she was just 11. “Pack your bags,” kids told her. “You get a free trip to Mexico.” She’s now a freshman at Kamiakin High, the same Washington state school where her older sister, Cielo, confronted the teenagers who chanted “Build the wall” at a football game in late 2018. Maritza, 14, assumes the taunts that accompanied Trump’s last campaign will intensify with this one, too. “I try not to think about it,” she said, but for educators nationwide, the ongoing threat of politically charged harassment has been impossible to ignore. In response, schools have canceled mock elections, banned political gear, trained teachers, increased security, formed student-led mediation groups and created committees to develop anti-discrimination policies.

In California, the staff at Riverside Polytechnic High School has been preparing for this year’s presidential election since the day after the last one. On Nov. 9, 2016, counselors held a workshop in the library for students to share their feelings. Trump supporters feared they would be singled out for their beliefs, while girls who had heard the president brag about sexually assaulting women worried that boys would be emboldened to do the same to them. “We treated it almost like a crisis,” said Yuri Nava, a counselor who has since helped expand a student club devoted to improving the school’s culture and climate. Riverside, which is 60 percent Hispanic, also offers three courses — African American, Chicano and ethnic studies — meant to help students better understand one another, Nava said. And instead of punishing students when they use race or politics to bully, counselors first try to bring them together with their victims to talk through what happened. Often, they leave as friends.

In Gambrills, Md., Arundel High School has taken a similar approach. Even before a student was caught scribbling the n-word in his notebook in early 2017, Gina Davenport, the principal, worried about the effect of the election’s rhetoric. At the school, where about half of the 2,200 students are minorities, she heard their concerns every day. But the racist slur, discovered the same month as Trump’s inauguration, led to a concrete response. A “Global Community Citizenship” class, now mandatory for all freshmen in the district, pushes students to explore their differences. A recent lesson delved into Trump’s use of Twitter. “The focus wasn’t Donald Trump, the focus was listening: How do we convey our ideas in order for someone to listen?” Davenport said. “We teach that we can disagree with each other without walking away being enemies — which we don’t see play out in the press, or in today’s political debates.”

Since the class debuted in fall 2017, disciplinary referrals for disruption and disrespect have decreased by 25 percent each school year, Davenport said. Membership in the school’s speech and debate team has doubled. The course has eased Davenport’s anxiety heading into the next election. She doesn’t expect an uptick in racist bullying. “Civil conversation,” she said. “The kids know what that means now.” Many schools haven’t made such progress, and on those campuses, students are bracing for more abuse. Maritza’s sister, Cielo, told her to stand up for herself if classmates use Trump’s words to harass her, but Maritza is quieter than her sibling. The freshman doesn’t like confrontation. She knows, though, that eventually someone will say something — about the wall, maybe, or about how kids who look like her don’t belong in this country — and when that day comes, the girl hopes that she’ll be strong.

3 notes · View notes

olgagarmash · 4 years ago

Link

Like other single guys his age, Mack Knight, 40, a software company executive in Los Angeles, has a crew of buddies who like to explore the city, travel and workout together.

They take their exercise seriously: Each wear a fitness tracker called Whoop that monitors their body’s vital signs (including heart rate, breathing and sleep), and makes that data shareable through an app.

The other week Mr. Knight was reviewing his Whoop statistics when he noticed that one of his buddies, a friend from business school, was missing his daily workouts. “That was very unlike him,” he said. “He works out religiously.” So the next time they hung out, he asked whether his buddy was O.K.

The ability to share intimate stats among friends has turned this fitness app into a de facto virtual men’s support group. People are using it to keep tabs on each other’s physical and mental health, and to lend a helping hand if a buddy appears to be in trouble. (Turns out, Mr. Knight’s friend was fine — just engrossed in a cryptocurrency project.)

Whoop was created in 2012 as a high-end monitoring device for professional athletes. Worn on the wrist or arm, it collects health data that can be shared with coaches and personal trainers to improve workouts.

“I was a college athlete,” said Will Ahmed, the app’s founder. “I thought it would be valuable to create something where we could see each other’s data as a team and see how we were evolving.”

The data is highly personal, even intrusive. It shows if your heart rate spikes randomly or if you only burn 300 calories one day instead of 1,000.

Whoop users can choose to keep their information private, but since the device became available to the public a few years ago (users pay $30 a month, which includes the band), unanticipated uses have emerged among friend groups. The app is for anyone but it has found a use case that serves men in more way than one.

“Whoop has found a sneaky way to help men feel comfortable sharing stuff with each other without hitting them over the head and saying you have to share your feelings all the time,” said Dr. Jelena Kecmanovic, a clinical psychologist in the Washington D.C. area who often writes about how technology impacts lives.

The fact that data is shared “prompts men to ask, ‘You didn’t sleep last night, what is going on?’” Dr. Kecmanovic said. “It’s a clever way to get people to check in, support each other, praise each other, and feel like they are part of a group.”

Peer pressure is a side effect. “We can all see each other’s numbers, so I want mine to be good,” said Joe Wernig, 30, a senior product manager for NBC Sports, who lives in the East Village. He joined Whoop in January after a friend convinced him. He is now part of four groups, each with two to six people. “There is a friendly competition,” he said.

During Memorial Day weekend, for example, Mr. Wernig was partying with friends at an Airbnb rental in Cape May, N.J., when he checked the app just before midnight. He saw that all his friends had exercised more than him that day, so even though he was inebriated and it was raining, he went for a short run along the beach.

“You can see how often your friends run or lift weights,” he said. “I can learn lessons from them that I apply to my own life.”

Friends are also using the app to spy on one another. “My friends make fun of me all the time,” said Anthony Martinez, 30, a finance director at Vice Media who lives in the West Village. “If I am dancing and my heart rate spikes someone will say, what were you doing last night at 2 a.m.?”

The app’s off-label use as a social support group became more pronounced during the darker stretches of the pandemic.

“A lot of people don’t want to talk about the things that are challenging us,” said Lee Chadowitz, 31, a product manager in Hong Kong, who is on a team with his trainer and eight friends. “I can see if my buddy is only sleeping three hours a night, and then I probably have a duty to check in. I don’t even have to say anything direct. I might just do a little nudge of, ‘Hey, want to get a beer?’”

According to Whoop, the app has about 85,000 teams (or groups of friends who have created a sharing network on the app). “The majority of our teams are in the 10-person range,” said Mr. Ahmed, who would not disclose the total number of users.

Blake Reichenbach, who run Self-Himprovement, a wellness website for men, said that Whoop appeals to men who feel more comfortable gathering around stereotypically masculine activities.

“There are a lot of groups popping up to get men to support other men, but the big problem they are having is that men are not conditioned to meet with other men and talk about their feelings,” Mr. Reichenbach said. He points to groups like Mr. Perfect, which started in Australia in 2016 and brings men together under the pretense of having a barbecue.

“Men have fewer opportunities to form communities where they check in with each other and praise each other and support each other,” Dr. Kecmanovic added. “We see a lot with male clients, especially after they leave high school and college, that struggle with isolation. The pandemic has only made that worse.”

via Wealth Health

#IFTTT #Wealth Health

0 notes

sxckmycockinessss · 7 years ago

Text

I married a narcissist.

Krista,

I would like to begin by clarifying that since day one, I had the upmost respect for you and the person you thought you wanted to be. I referred to you as Kris and used he/him/his pronouns. I educated friends and family about your transition and supported it 100%. This may be “petty” but after realizing how little respect you have for me, I will refer to you as Krista.

I like to think of you now as nothing more than an illusionist. A narcissist? Sure. A sociopath? Absolutely. Honestly, I’ve used worse words to describe you. I’ve come to the conclusion that more than anything, you are a sad, pathetic, illusionist. You can trick someone into believing you really love them. It’s an effortless game to you. I thought I found something real. Your charming ways reeled me in from the beginning. What I found wasn’t real, I discovered nothing more than a monster. The worst kind of soul. The fucked up part about it all is that you aren’t the least bit remorseful. You’ve shown no sympathy or empathy whatsoever.

I moved to Virginia from Texas for love. That’s all. I chase love and I would do anything for someone I really care for. That makes me naïve but I know and accept that about myself. I can get heartbroken, bounce back and open my heart for someone else. I love to love. I love to be in love. I love giving the love I have yet to receive. I am a giver by nature. That is my Aries spirit. You knew this about me. You supported my move to Virginia for your own selfish gain. You were so conditioned to a certain privileged lifestyle; why not bait someone into marrying you? Sadly, you don’t have an ounce of love in your heart and you chose the right one, me. I am a naïve, care-free, loving young woman. You became my so-called “best friend”. This was the perfect formula of your next victim. You needed someone you could smartly convince to do and be anything for you. You’re a parasitic vampire. You suck and drain what you need from your unfortunate victims and leave them high and dry.

You and I are both well aware of the things that happened in our relationshit whether you choose to admit to it or not. It happened. I have proof. I lived through it. You can act like it didn’t happen. You can change the story. You can taint my name. I’ve accepted the fact that your family will always choose your side and they may never know what you did to me. They could be blaming me for all I know and that is okay. I know the truth and so do you. You will have to live with it for the rest of your life. So let’s recap, shall we?

Our journey began back in Sept/Oct 2015. There were miles between us, you were in Pensacola and I was in San Antonio, but we confided in each other and began building a relationship. I was going through a break up and you told me you were going through a divorce. We started talking every day, we talked on the phone and texted each other a lot. A couple weeks in, you decided you wanted to reconcile with your wife. I was hurt but I understood. It was bad timing for the both of us. I was okay with it. I did my thing in Texas and you did whatever in Florida. I was healing myself, getting more into my practice and I had my independence. I was fine. I was happy. I was even in a relationship by Feb/March of 2016. There were times you reached out to me; I remember distinctively in June 2016, you sent that “I miss you” text. I informed you I was in a relationship and didn’t want to talk to you. A couple months later, let’s say September 2016, I start thinking about joining the military, more specifically, the Navy. I talked to Sydnee first. A couple weeks later, I reached out to you about it. I learned that your divorce had just been finalized in August 2016. You sounded better and I was happy for you. I thought maybe this was our time. I have to acknowledge the fact that you went as far as making a trip to Kentucky for some little girl before it was even finalized. You talked to a couple girls before you got to me. I should’ve known then what kind of person you are but I didn’t want to hold that against you at the time. So, poor, desperate Krista thought that this was the ideal opportunity to reel me in. You asked me to call you and you knew you had me. Krista, you have a way with words and you are well aware of your skill. You are so gifted with the way you can get into someone’s head and fill it with lies. That power alone makes you dangerous. It makes me nauseous and disgusted to think that this was the kind of person I was going to spend the rest of my life with and do anything for.

I like to believe that I really got to know you before moving out here. Obviously, I was mistaken. That was just another one of your devious strategies to pull me in. After my visit in October 2016, I decided to stay and that’s when the “real” Krista came out. Then again, was that really you? Do you even know who you really are? I uprooted my entire life for an illusion. I believed in this illusion. I believed in you and I believed in this relationshit. Lies. Smoke and mirrors. That’s what I received in exchange for my genuine love. You lie so much you start believing it. You filled my head with stories, maybe fantasies. You even told me you used to drive for the Cartel and you’ve killed people before. I never believed these fairy tales you came up with. I rarely entertained it. You believed it though and I listened. I would ask myself questions and nothing you ever told me would add up. That’s when you’d get angry.

I was officially moved in with you in November 2016. Chelsi had moved out and blessed us with our own space. That’s when it all started to unfold. We fought. A lot. Our communication sucked. Let me remind you why we fought so much though. Sareena. She was the main reason. I would even ask you if you had enough time to get over her. Your response was always the same. You had your time, your relationship had been over for months, you didn’t care about her, she was crazy, she used all your money, she cheated on you and you didn’t want anything to do with her. More lies. We would get into screaming matches about this girl. You hated being confronted about her. You were so defensive. You would get so angry that you would punch the walls, slam the doors, drive off, and there was one time you kicked and broke the bottom of the bedroom door. Not even a month later in December, you were putting me out of “your” house. You threw all my belongings on to your bed, told me to get the fuck out of your house, told me you were done, and you didn’t give a fuck. The best part? You called your dad to send you money to send me on my way. You came back home and threw $300 in my face and wanted me out. You watched me pack all my things into my car and did nothing but sat there in silence and changed all your passwords to your phone and computer. That was clearly more important to you. (You always resorted to doing that. Evidently, material things meant the most to you.) This all happened because I asked you about Sareena. To me, something didn’t add up. Instead of owning up to the truth, you made me feel like I was crazy for even asking that. You made it a point to make me feel stupid, worthless, and like I was nothing. I was crazy for putting things together and catching you in your lies. You made Sareena out to be this bitter, psychotic, ex-wife that wanted to ruin us. When all along, you were talking to her and telling her you missed her and that I meant nothing to you. I don’t know Sareena well but I don’t believe she is as bad as you make her out to be. She is probably damaged from the lies you fed her. You were in fact, stringing her along while I was in Virginia living with you with a cheap ass Wal-Mart ring on my finger. You know it and I know it. You never wanted to end any contact with her. You made me look like a complete idiot sticking up for you and telling her off when all she ever told me was the truth. She basically warned me and I chose your side. Unfortunately, I accepted your fake apologies and had sympathy for your pitiable cries. By the way, you are a great actress. You fooled me for the most part.

I should’ve been done with you at this point. We had a toxic relationship that was going nowhere fast. I ignored all the red flags, I ignored the signs, I ignored my deepest intuition. On January 12th 2017, we got married. The universe was probably looking at me like WHAT. THE. FUCK. At one point, I genuinely did care and love you. It showed. I fell for a monster and her wicked games. I’m a smart woman and it took a while to accept the whole “husband works and wife stays at home” thing. I was raised to be independent and I never agreed with fully allowing you to “take care” of me. I hated the idea of someone paying my bills and buying my love. At the same time, I was now someone’s wife. I wanted to be a good little “Stepford” wife. We started planning our fall October wedding while keeping our marriage a secret. I didn’t realize it then but, I was slowly beginning to lose myself into you. I quit my job in February 2017. I hated it and was planning to look for something else. At the time, your mental health issues were priority. There were times I had to leave work because of you. I quit work to be available 24/7 for you. It’s crazy that I was ever called selfish in this relationshit. I always put you before myself and did anything in my power to try to help you. I was an obedient housewife. When I started to bleach and color my hair, THAT WAS A DEFINITE CRY FOR HELP. I broke my hair off and pushed it to its limits. It helped to keep my mind off things while I wasn’t working in a salon. I was so wrapped up in caring for you and trying to heal you that I lost myself. I was good for posting fake happy pictures on social media. I pretended that I was fine and that my relationship was fine because in reality how embarrassing is it to share that I was putting up with all of this? I couldn’t tell my friends or my family anything because I whole-heartedly believed that what happened in our marriage stayed between us. I let a lot of things slide with you. I started ignoring the things that wouldn’t add up. I tried my hardest to believe you and trust in you. Little did I know, I was only digging a deeper hole for myself. I started drinking more to numb the fact that THIS was my married life. I am grateful for essentially saving myself and leaving when I did. I only regret not leaving sooner but that’s okay.

We moved into our new townhome in July 2017. Later I found out that it was always just “your” house. It was never mine. This summer was full of lots of beach trips, pool trips and we can’t forget our numerous trips to Florida. You kept me from seeing my family in Texas. There was always some excuse of why we couldn’t go but we always made time to see your family in Florida. I digress. Your townhouse was amazing but let’s not forget who turned it into a home. You were spoiled. We had everything we could ask for. You always came home to home-cooked meals, a clean house, clean laundry and Isis was always taken care of. I would set up baths for you and even put in a lot of effort into fixing our marriage by doing a lot of little things to help you through your depressing times. I was your faithful servant. It was your home, your phone, your furniture, your everything. I allowed myself to be easily controlled. You knew you could hold that over my head and rip it away from me whenever you wanted. You fed off of this. Sick fuck. You threatened me so many times. You ensured I knew who the fuck you are, what you were capable of and that I am nothing without you and the things you could provide for me. What kind of “man” treats their wife like this? I had nothing to my name besides my car and my belongings from Texas. And you knew this.

In August 2017, our relationship only continued to get worse. I knew it was time but I had a lot to think about. You told me it was my decision to move here. You were right. I found it funny how you could throw that in my face yet, you were crying and begging me to stay at the airport when I was about to go back home. I. HAD. NOTHING. I didn’t even have a bed. One night after going to bed late cause we were up arguing, you were sleepwalking. I was awake, I couldn’t sleep. When you got up, it scared me. I was scared for my safety because you were already at the point where you’d hear and see terrible things. WHO KNOWS WHAT COULD’VE HAPPENED HAD I NOT BEEN AWAKE?! I didn’t know how to help you anymore, you were only getting worse. I’m not a professional and that’s what I believed you needed. I wanted you to admit yourself to Portsmouth. Krista, I was genuinely worried about your safety as well as mine. But surprise, surprise, after waking you up from sleepwalking, we got into another heated argument. I recorded the things you said to me. It was time to start protecting myself. I only had myself. You said, “if you’re here by the time I get back, we’re going to have some serious problems.” I didn’t respond to anything you were saying. I sat there, quiet and just took it. You asked for the ring back and wanted me out. It wasn’t any different from our other fights. I continued to take all this mistreatment from you. It did detrimental things to my mind, body, and soul. I started to believe awful things about myself as a result of the words I let you feed into mind. I’m not a perfect person, I never claimed that. I contributed to fights by yelling and cussing. I know my communication skills suck. I know I can be mean as hell. Do I believe I deserved any of this? Absolutely fucking not. No one deserves this. The icing on the cake was when you decided to pack up and leave for just about three weeks. You left out details of your whereabouts like where you were going and who you were with. I knew you didn’t respect me before but this really sealed the deal. You told me about some guy friend you were staying with which was another lie. You had made new friends, Nicole Preston and Samantha. You went out, did what you wanted and expected me to be home when you were done. I found messages between you and a girl you used to fuck named “Devon Taylor” but at that time I was on my way to moving on. You left me abandoned and neglected at “your” house. When all this started happening I was in the first week of my new job. Without your financial help and sense of concern, I started working my ass off. There were days I worked 10-13 days in a row. I barely had an appetite, I was losing weight and replacing food with alcohol. No one really knew that though. By August 24th, I dusted myself off and moved on. I was beginning my healing journey. I got home from work one evening and you were there. My anxiety was on 10. I tried to avoid being home when you were there. You were always drunk and smoking hella cigarettes in your room. That night, you referred to me as your wife and wanted to talk to me, hold me and be around me. I was disgusted. I wasn’t falling for it at all. You were drunk and desperate for my attention. You tried to block me from leaving the house while trying to make me talk to you. At this point you were telling Devon that I was nothing but a crazy bitch. After all I put into this relationshit, that’s how you would refer to me to your next victims. There was definitely a pattern here. You would taint my name to make yourself look good to whoever would listen. That was the last straw for me. I had to get out of the house. I didn’t feel safe anymore. Luckily, I was able to move in with generous friends. They took me in their home and out of a bad situation. I could never thank them enough for that.

So by the end of August, I had an amazing support system, I had my job, my things, my car, a place to stay and a new found love. Things were looking up for me. There was only one thing holding me back and that was divorcing you. After being informed about you abandoning your wife and withholding BAH from me (money you wouldn’t have if we weren’t married), Fleet&Family suggested I try to get a hold of your sorry ass chain of command. I learned very quickly that the Navy looks out for their sailors no matter the circumstance. I took our case to family advocacy and they were no help. Apparently our case didn’t meet the requirements to be further investigated. Cool. I used all of my Navy resources, spoke to legal assistance and spoke to so many different people but in the end nothing was done. No one was hearing me or trying to help. I had a property settlement/separation agreement from legal assistance, it was my right to ask for spousal support. You didn’t agree and refused to sign it. I took it to court and you didn’t show up. Apparently, you couldn’t find the correct courtroom. You made sure to call me that morning and let me know you weren’t trying to fuck me over. You told me you would go ahead and file for divorce in Florida and pay for it so I didn’t have to worry about it. I was stupid to trust you with that. I wanted to give up. Eventually, I did. I started focusing on how blessed I was to have my support system, Chelsi, and my job. I have them to thank for getting me through this and being there for me. A few weeks later, in December 2017, you resorted to disrespecting me and calling me names. Not surprised. All I asked was if you had filed yet but, you were so upset that Chelsi was in my life. It killed you to see me happy, flourishing and growing in love with her. I realized how much time I wasted by trusting you to take care of the divorce.

It’s a whole new year. January 2018. I took matters into my own hands. This divorce was long overdue so I began the process all by myself here in Virginia. It was stressful but I knew it was going to be well worth it in the end. It is now the last week of February 2018 and GUESS WHAT?! I’m finally getting my divorce! It has been a long, stressful and emotional ride. The universe has been looking out for me and my support system.

With all this being said, I just feel sorry for you, Krista. I always will. You are a coward. You never had the courage or decency to admit you were talking to Sareena yet, I’m a hoe for being with Chelsi. Funny. You were playing me from the start, we both know that. You married me for your own benefit. There was never any love or care from you. You couldn’t even tell me you were out of the Navy and on your way to Florida when you still had unfinished business here in Virginia, like I don’t know, your divorce? Speaking of Florida, I will always cherish your mother’s way of trying to make me feel accepted into the Whitaker family, how she supported us financially at times and especially how she pretended to care about my feelings. What I will always remember about Ms. Joanna is how she jokingly said I got married to get my green card. FYI, I was born in our nation’s capital, Washington, D.C. This may be a shock to most people but I am 100% American. I didn’t entertain her ignorance then and I won’t start. Anyway, thank you Ms. Joanna and the Whitaker family for the fun outings we had in Florida. I did appreciate them and the financial help.

Krista, good luck in life. Lying your way to the top and out of situations seems to work well for you. You only survive by preying on young women. Your form of enjoyment is breaking them down and re-molding them into who you want them to be. Fortunately, I escaped before it was too late. I was hurt. I was sad. I was depressed. I stopped taking care of myself. More than anything, I was angry for allowing this to happen. I’m still working through the motions, repairing what you broke. Don’t get it twisted though, YOU DID NOT BREAK ME DOWN. I left before giving you that power. I know not giving you that power hurt you to your core. I was raised to be resilient and rise up with my head held high when I get knocked down. I do have to thank you though. Without you, I wouldn’t have met great new friends or reconnected with old friends. I’m living closer to my family than I ever have. In fact, you introduced me to the real reason I moved here for. Chelsi has been patiently assisting me in my healing process. She has been nothing but a true blessing after you. She couldn’t even believe all the things that happened behind closed doors. To be completely honest, it should’ve been her. It was always her but the universe felt like I needed to learn a lesson. So we shared a drunken kiss March 2017, cry me a river! We stopped having sex, you wouldn’t even look at me like you were attracted to me, and all we knew how to do was put each other down. Even then, after we kissed, I cut her off and told you about it because I saw it as cheating. But what were you doing to me throughout our entire relationship? Oh okay. No regrets. The universe was working on bringing Chelsi and I closer together. I am not ashamed to admit that I enjoyed that kiss and I felt something for her then. My dumb ass stuck by your side though and tried gaining back your trust. I digress. I’m not perfect. I made my mistakes. This marriage was sadly the biggest mistake I ever made. The universe did bring me to Chelsi under the most trying circumstances. I guess God & Goddess really do have a sense of humor. I knew it was her when I first moved here but I was wrapped in this relationshit. Anyway, I learned my lesson. I learned so much from this “marriage”. I can’t bring myself to regret any of it though. I was in love. I would still do anything for love. I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I’m being shaped into a force, only growing better and stronger. I am happy with where I am at in life. Even though this experience put me back in therapy, I am a step closer to fully healing from it all. You didn’t win, Krista. You didn’t get to keep me. YOU DID NOT WIN. I will learn to forgive you, eventually. For now, I’m choosing to let go of your entire existence.

A huge round of applause for the illusionist. And a huge thank you for introducing me to my blessing and surrounding me with amazing, loving, caring friends. They continue to support me through all of this. I will always be grateful for the people that enter my life to teach me things and open my eyes, including you. I wish you peace, love and light. I wish you the ability to let love into your heart. Goodbye, Krista.

- Kiara Avila

1 note · View note

theliberaltony · 7 years ago

Link

via Politics – FiveThirtyEight

When Dave Rossi visited Breckenridge, Colorado, in the summer of 2001, he intended to stay for a season and then return to California. But Summit County’s mountain lifestyle lured him into staying. He set up his own design and marketing business and built a life full of mountain biking, hiking, skiing and other outdoor pursuits. As a self-employed business owner, the fit 51-year-old buys his own health insurance on Colorado’s insurance exchange. “My joke is that it’s my very expensive flu shot,” Rossi said. Typically, a flu shot is all the medical attention he needs in a given year.

That flu shot has only gotten more expensive. Despite his good health and scant use of health care services, Rossi’s insurance premiums have skyrocketed. In 2016, he paid $294.39 for an individual ACA plan with a $5,000 deductible. For 2018, Rossi is facing a monthly premium of $753 for a silver plan that has a $4,500 deductible. He’s not alone: Insurance premiums for ACA plans in Summit County rose an average of 32 percent for 2018 over the previous year.

Rossi is butting up against what some in Colorado call the “Summit County paradox.” The county has the nation’s lowest mortality rate but also some of the most expensive health insurance premiums in the marketplaces created by the Affordable Care Act. And it’s not just Summit. The No. 2 and 3 counties on the list of lowest mortality — Pitkin and Eagle counties (home to Aspen and Vail, respectively) — are also Colorado mountain communities with some of the nation’s highest health insurance premiums for people buying their insurance on an ACA exchange, despite having some of the state’s (and the nation’s) best health outcomes, with low rates of smoking and obesity.1 The 2018 unsubsidized lowest-cost bronze premium for a 40-year-old in Summit, Eagle and Pitkin counties is above the 95th percentile relative to the rest of the country, said Amy Jeter, a communications officer at the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation.

Insurance premiums are rising across the nation, and the blame is sometimes put on the high cost of insuring sick people. But the situation in Summit County suggests that simply getting people healthier isn’t enough to lower insurance costs. As we remain mired in a seemingly endless health care debate, there’s a lesson there for the rest of the country, too.

Rossi said that Obamacare’s increases are unsustainable for him because he can’t pass on those skyrocketing costs to his customers. Also, he earns too much income to qualify for subsidies that keep insurance more affordable.2 Health insurance premiums are rising so steeply that he has started wondering whether he should quit his business and look for a job that would offer insurance. “It’s a conversation I’ve been having with a bunch of friends and colleagues over the past couple of weeks,” Rossi said. “What are we going to do?”

Health care premiums are generally higher in places that have only one insurance carrier. But that’s not the case in Summit County, which has three insurance providers and 37 plans available on the 2018 exchange. “It’s something we’re scratching our head about,” Summit County Commissioner Dan Gibbs said. “It’s a crisis situation for many working families who can’t afford health insurance now.”

Colorado legislators know that something has gone wrong in the mountains — their outraged constituents have let them know as much — and as one of the states that created its own ACA health insurance exchange, Colorado has been very hands-on in managing the program. In 2014, the legislature sought to unravel the state’s health care cost conundrums by convening the Colorado Commission on Affordable Health Care. The committee found two major factors contributing to high costs in mountain communities using the ACA marketplace: a steeper cost to deliver care and a higher use of that care.

The cost of medical services was about 32 percent higher overall in the insurance region that includes the mountain resorts than it was in Denver, and for some things, it was much higher. Outpatient mental health services, for example, were 260 percent higher than those in Denver.

“It isn’t because the providers in these communities are making a fortune. It’s that the cost to run a hospital or medical practice in these areas is higher in those communities than in a place like Denver,” said Bill Lindsay, who chaired the commission. The high cost of living in places like Breckenridge, Vail and Aspen makes the problem worse because rents are more expensive and employees command higher wages.

The rural, isolated nature of these mountain communities also spikes the prices. Hospitals face high overhead costs to provide things like personnel, emergency facilities, expensive equipment and specialists. “In an urban setting, those costs can be spread over a large number of patients,” said Jonathan Mathieu, chief economist at the nonprofit Center for Improving Value in Health Care. In rural areas, these costs are spread over a smaller patient population. Hospitals in mountain resort areas also face the costs of “surge capacity” — preparing for an influx of population during the tourist season, said Chris Tholen, vice president of financial policy for the Colorado Hospital Association. “When ski season is in effect, hospitals have to open wings to care for winter ski injuries, but then we see those same wings closed for other months of the year,” said Tholen, who also served on the cost commission.

Rural areas across the country also have fewer providers and facilities like hospitals and imaging centers, and that lack of competition puts hospitals and providers in the catbird seat, Mathieu said. “You either deal with those suppliers, or as a payer, you’re not able to provide your customers those services. I think that’s a big part of this story.” When there’s only one hospital serving the county, insurance companies have more limited negotiating power. “There’s a snowball effect where it all adds up to higher cost of care,” Mathieu said.

But the cost of medical services isn’t the entire story. “When we dug into the details, we found that in the mountains, although you have a relatively young, healthy population, the utilization of certain services was 200 to 300 percent higher than for the same services in Denver,” Lindsay said, referring to advanced imaging and laboratory and pathology services.

The extra use of the health care system isn’t because all these mountain types are getting into bike wrecks or ski accidents that send them to the hospital for orthopedic injuries. Instead, Lindsay said, it’s about how many services people in mountain communities use — things like medical tests and advanced imaging like MRIs. Patients in Summit County’s insurance rating region use advanced imaging procedures at about three and a half times the rate that people in Denver do, and they’re not just using these imaging procedures to scrutinize broken bones or achy tendons but across the board, for things like cancer, too.

The commission couldn’t figure out why people in mountain communities get more advanced imaging services than people in urban areas like Denver, but it ultimately comes down to doctors. “It’s physicians who write the prescription,” Lindsay said. “The question is, why would the physicians be basically overprescribing? That’s a really important question, and I don’t know the the answer. But we need to figure out what the dickens is going on.” Why are such healthy people using so much care?

It could be that doctors in these regions were simply trained to do more testing. Edmond Toy, director of the Colorado Health Institute, said if that’s the case, “what you really need to do is have the physicians get the data in front of them and let them understand why this doctor tends to do more of this kind of procedure than the other and what they can learn from that.”

A less innocuous explanation for the high use of testing is that there are economic incentives to do more procedures, Toy said. If you buy an expensive MRI machine and you’re in a small community, that means you have to send almost everyone through if you want to recoup the cost. Whether this is what’s happening, though, remains unclear without more granular data.

It’s also possible that residents in mountain towns are using more care not because they’re sicker but because they’re richer and more demanding, Toy said. It’s just a hypothesis, but it could explain some of the disparity.

The one thing the Colorado commission’s report made clear is that the cost conundrum doesn’t have a single cause, and that means it doesn’t have a simple solution, either. But the situation in Summit County does offer lessons for the ongoing health care debate in this country: If we want to make health care affordable, it’s not enough to get people healthier — we also have to tackle the high cost of care and the potential overuse of expensive interventions.

Additional reporting by Anna Maria Barry-Jester.

#IFTTT #Politics – FiveThirtyEight #politics #538 #Christie Aschwanden

3 notes · View notes

academla · 7 years ago

Text

Summer 2017 Update

Hey guys! Finally, another big update post. If you haven’t read these before, I split it into sections: Academic, Financial/Professional, Social, Mental Health, and anything else I feel like. Feel free to skim! (Give this a like if you’re actually reading it because I feel like most people ignore these update posts, which is fine, I’m just curious haha.)

Academic

I go back to school on September 5. I’m super excited, but I think my underlying anxiety has been affecting me a bit.

Classes I’m taking on campus: Classics of Children’s Literature, Abnormal Psychology, and Ethics & Society (an Honors seminar).

Classes I’m taking online: History of World Civilizations Before 1500 & Child Psychology.

Here are some comments on each class so far (I’m nothing if not thorough, guys):

Children’s Lit: Well, Harry Potter is on the reading list, so I’m already there. I’ve emailed the professor already and she seems super nice, so I’m pretty excited. The syllabus is a bit intimidating; I’m sure it will be fine, though, and having a nice professor makes a huge difference.

Abnormal Psych: I’m going to have the same prof as I did for Intro, and I’m really pumped about that (so is she). I’m nervous because the tests are harder and longer, but she was very reassuring that I’ll be fine. There was a whole issue because I thought that Abnormal had service learning linked to it (service learning is basically where you get experience doing things related to the course, so essentially volunteer/internship work) and was planning to use an internship that has been in the works since the winter for that. However, turns out that it isn’t linked. My prof was super nice and said she would be flexible. I emailed my adviser in a bit of a panic, and she informed me that actually service learning is no longer a requirement of my major. So, I’m going to go ahead and do the internship for my resume, but not have to worry about the assignments and grade aspect.

Ethics & Society: I don’t know anything about this really, but I do know that the professor is well-liked and I’ve seen him a few times.

History: Okay, so I hate history. I’m quite well-rounded as a student and I know that I’m lucky that most classes, I do very well in and enjoy. But history just... I don’t even know. My history teachers in the past have all thought I was really good, and I was grade-wise; I simply didn’t enjoy it. So to make this bearable, I know I need to have a professor I like. I was going to take it on campus, and emailed briefly with the professor I was going to have, but he had bad RateMyProfessors ratings and struck me as not very personable or understanding or nice. I checked about online courses and saw that there is one being taught by the director of the Honors College that I’m in, whom I really like and has a great reputation and ratings. Unfortunately there is a $125 fee associated with online courses that I wasn’t aware of, but cost-benefit wise, I really think I’ll be happiest like this.

Child Psych: Oh GOD. Why am I so extra? I emailed the prof once and she was super nice. Then I replied, and since online courses are different from real-life ones in that you don’t really get that ‘getting-to-know-you’ vibe with professors because it’s so remote, I mentioned that I can be an anxious student. I just said basically that means sometimes I’ll ask a lot of questions or check and double-check things for reassurance. I also asked if she was a professor willing to look at drafts or not. She completely got the wrong impression and sent back an email (that was quite final too; signed it “All the best”) as though I had been a hysterical student coming to her with anxiety that I had no idea how to handle. She told me that there are personal counseling services offered by the college as well as the writing center with writing tutors. I’ve had outside counseling for 7 years, and I’m a writing tutor... so that was ironic and also a little embarrassing. Whoops. Honestly, when I get embarrassed about things like that (which I often do) I kind of remind myself that I’m just there to learn and hopefully earn that A, so what they think of me doesn’t matter that much.

All and all, I’m excited for school to start. I want to learn things and take notes and have stuff to do. I also have waves of anxiety, which I’m working very hard to combat with reality checks and focusing on the positives. Oh, and I got an A somehow on my chem accelerated summer course :)

Financial

I have worked two jobs this summer after a lot of miscommunication and lack of clarity:

A preschool, the same one I worked at during my gap year. It was unfortunate because I thought I was going to work full-time there after my chem course, but they didn’t need me because they had so much help. I ended up working Thursdays and Fridays there and Monday through Wednesday at my dad’s job. Now that all the summer help is leaving, though, they’re back to being in desperate need. Everyone there is pretty stressed (and families have been leaving).

At the place my dad works. They produce food and formula for people with metabolic disorders (primarily PKU). I was extremely appreciated there, which was nice, and I got a $4 raise on my second week! They’re desperately understaffed and having problems with their products, as well as not being able to keep up with general demand. I electronically filed faxes dating back to 2016, stuffed envelopes (my favorite), put in tons of orders (one day I put in 34 out of a total 62 orders that day), and by the end was allowed to check emails and reply to some of them. I LOVED the job. However, there’s the possibility I might be able to work there on Fridays during the school year, which I would love. It’s stressful there because there’s so much shit going on and people are basically running around putting out fires all day, but I enjoy my work so much.

During the year, I’m hoping to work at my dad’s job on Fridays, do my psychology internship (if you don’t recall, I’m going to be working at a VA hospital helping with a study on suicide prevention), and tutor! I’m a math and writing tutor. They’re two completely different trainings and types of tutoring, so it should be interesting. Luckily we get to shadow a writing tutor for awhile before being on our own.

I’m not doing well with money, guys. The entire year of 2017, I’ve only made $300 or so. I’ve spent $1,800 on school, even with scholarships, and $940 on medical things such as medication and copays. I did win a $1,000 scholarship which has been very delayed in arriving and I’m praying it will get here by the end of this week or next week so it can be applied to my account. I didn’t work over winter break, which was really my downfall; I needed the time for a mental health break, though... so I’m trying not to beat myself up over it.

Unfortunately it took awhile too for me to lock down my jobs, meaning I only got to work for like 4 or 5 weeks. That really isn’t very much money even with the raise I got. Right now I’m owing $615 per month for my payment plan, and even with tutoring and potential Fridays at my dad’s job, I’m definitely going to lose money. I’m considering taking one winter class online, so I can still work all winter break. That $125 extra fee from my web class sure didn’t help me.

But I must soldier on! I’m going to make sure that none of my money ever goes to frivolous things and never goes to waste. Money is meant to be spent and not hoarded, as my mom reminds me, and it’s okay to spend some on things like going out every so often as well, so I shouldn’t be beating myself up for that (though I still am). School was always going to suck up money. I’m trying very very hard to stay in the moment now and not stress about next semester or worse, what will happen when I get hit with that $30k bill when I transfer and don’t have even close to that much saved.

Social

I’ve changed several times throughout my life socially. In 9th grade, I was extremely social because I needed to be and I had trouble being by myself. It was a lot like that through high school. When I made online friends in 11th grade, they were my social life while drama and bullying and shit went on in real life. Recently, I had a major burst in socialness online, and eventually reached breaking point when I became embroiled in drama.

Look, I’m 20 years old. I’m turning 21 in November. I had to ask myself, why the fuck am I on vacation with family, working on scholarship essays last-minute, and spending my time in the bathroom on my phone dealing with drama with someone years and years younger who’s slandering me to people whose opinions I shouldn’t give two shits about?

That was a big reality check. Because I wanted vengeance, I did. I wanted so badly to expose someone who was gleaning attention and convincing others and spreading half-truths and ruining people’s lives. But then I realized, you know what? That isn’t my goal in life. My goal in life isn’t to tear people down because they’ve torn others down. It’s so, so difficult. I was angry. I was upset. This person violated all of my principles. And we had the evidence against them, we could have potentially won most people over, and I wanted it not for my sake but for the sake of those they had hurt so much more than they hurt me.

But I couldn’t do it. In the end, I called it off. I backed out. I told people to lay off and let karma do its work. I realized how toxic the situation was, how absurd it was for me to be living on the internet when I’m in one of the most exciting periods of my life. How utterly imbecilic I was acting, getting caught up in so much senseless, meaningless, fruitless drama.

After that, I disengaged further from large social groups. I was already overwhelmed by the amount of people always trying to talk to me, so I had to cut myself off from that. And it feels so. Much. Better.

I’ve become more introverted, really. I work all day, then I write fanfiction and watch Netflix and color in my room by myself and I love it. I have any number of people I could hit up anytime and ask to hang out or video chat. But I don’t feel that push, that obsessive need, to be social all the time. Social media became addicting. I still work on that.

I’ve stayed in touch with real-life friends and done things with them when I had the energy, money, and time. Unfortunately my ex and then long-time guy friend both asked me out, and that was incredibly awkward, and the end of that. The trouble with my school is that there are a lot of dual enrollment students who are like, 16 or 17. Much as I love them, I’ve been thirsting for someone my own age with similar interests who I can hang out with. At the tutoring training I attended, I met someone (a guy, oooh). He’s 21 and we had a really good time together. I’m hoping we can hang out once the semester starts! I also met a girl who’s only 17, but she seems very mature and sweet and I also hope to hang out with her.

Things are good socially. I’m always working on that area of my life (with regards to mental health, mostly) but I’m still going strong. I have moments of loneliness for sure. However, I’m happy with myself and happy with my life. That’s what counts.

Mental health

If 10 is completely flawless and 0 is utter breakdown and 5 is rough, I would say my summer has been a solid 7 or 8. Which is pretty damn good!

Areas I’m working on still:

Body image. My ED voice has been loud this summer. That’s probably the area of most concern to me.

Anxiety. It hasn’t been too bad, but with transitions it usually increases, and I’ve noticed myself being more anxious (free-floating anxiety mostly) and irritable in the past few days.

Worrying way too much about others’ opinions. This pretty much traces to the internet. I mean, before I went on hiatus, I had tens of thousands of people criticizing my every word and move. That takes a toll. Moreover, as a fanfic writer, it’s pretty difficult to post things to the internet without craving comments and kudos and hits. I’ve turned off viewing hits for my own sanity, and taken breathers when I felt like I was getting too hung up on the ‘popularity’ of my fics. I write for myself, because I enjoy it. Not for the attention. I just have to remind myself of that from time to time, and I try not to be competitive. It’s really the numbers that get me - the hits and the kudos. I mean, I compare myself to people in different fandoms, fandoms I don’t even write for. It’s so dumb.

All in all, I’m proud of how I’ve been doing. I do have moments of stress mainly about money, but that’s par for the course. I would say I’ve made a 100% improvement from last summer/year and intend to continue doing so, even in light of the impending stressors.

Other

My new favorite movie is Gifted. Oh my god, I love it so much. I’ve seen it like, 5 times (2 of those were illegally whoops). I’ve been fairly active on Snapchat still - add me there edye327. I don’t really have much else to say, except thank you to people who have bought me things from my wishlist that I couldn’t otherwise afford. I haven’t gotten anything recently, but I just wanted to reiterate my appreciation.

If you’ve read this all the way through, reply with the color of your favorite shirt.

Much love,

Edye

#academlets #academla blogs #update #2017 #back to school

19 notes · View notes

empty----spaces · 7 years ago

Photo

So here's a little story: Picture 1 (leopard print top) was taken in 2015, I was 130 pounds, maybe 135. My body dysmorphia started kicking into overdrive, exasperated by being on a shit ton of meds for my mental health that I didn't actual need. I thought I was fat and overweight and started a year of dieting and diet pills. It's crazy to me I thought I was heavy here at all. I would kill for that body back. Picture 2 (pink floyd) was taken during the summer of 2016. Probably right before the peak of what was than full blown anorexia. ultimatly it was labeled body dysmorphia with ednos (eating disorder not otherwise specified). I would go days without eating, sometimes Chris could get me to eat french fries. Maybe a slice of pizza if I was daring. I didn't drink because of calories. I drank 3-4 cups of coffee a day that ampunted tp exactly 300 hundred calories. I very rarely exceeded 850 calories. I weighed 109 pounds. I still thought I was kind of heavy and needed to lose weight. People thought I was sick, and in some ways I really was. Picture 3 (all black). I took that like an hour ago. That body is going to be 30 in 4 months. That body brought a kid into this world 10 years ago. I hit a pivotal point in my ongoing journey in the fall last year. I got a new a doctor. And new meds and LESS of them, because even though I'm a mental case, I wasn't as mental as I was being told I was or medicated for. I went from 12 pills a day to 3. I discovered I had an appetite! I slowly started to gain weight. I started Decemeber of 2016 a size 0/2. It is Septemeber 8th and Im a size 12/14 now. I was let gp from job in February and I've been unemployed since. I've had a tough time getting a job. I got embarrassed. I failed my license exam in May. My depression got worse. I found that food, which had always been mu enemy, was my friend. It didnt leave when shit gpt tough. I gained a lot a weight. I last weighed myself over a month ago. I came in at 165. And than I stopped weighing myself all together. I work out when I can bring myself mentally to. Today however I looked in the mirror and said dang I look good.

3 notes · View notes

itslovewithyouthings · 6 years ago

Link

I knew I was going to die: 500-pound man loses a whopping 350 pounds for his her… https://ift.tt/2Wbmr6K

I knew I was going to die: 500-pound man loses a whopping 350 pounds for his hero son with autism My name is Zach Moore. Back in December of 2013 I stopped at a fast food joint and got some Orange Chicken. I ended up with food poisoning which lasted 8 days and hospitalized me. Tired of being sick all the time mentally emotionally and physically run down from being overweight morbidly obese with high blood pressure sleep apnea and vertigo the list went on and on and taking the advice from my cardiologist I knew this was the pivotal tipping point of my life. My wife took a photo of me in the hospital as I was praying for my life. The thought and idea of how my family would survive without me without a husband who promised to always be there to help and take care of them as we grow older a dad who never had a chance to give his son the life he wanted to be able to I couldnt bear it. That was the moment I knew I was going to die if I didnt try to help myself. That spark then lit a fire to keep me going. My family drives me and they inspired me to once again look in the bypass surgery. It was January 2014. advertisement !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ready to Lose 10-21 lbs in the Next 28 Days? click here :ebayproductfree.b… download here:https://ift.tt/2qOA5lI advertisement !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! New year new goals. I had already lost 40 pounds from the food poisoning. I was 460 pounds. From there I stopped drinking soda smoking and eating sugar. I started to watching my carb and starch intake. I got crazy about it and tried what worked for my life. Thats where my phrase I live by started: Do whats best for you. I began to look and read into proper nutrition what I was actually consuming and putting into my mouth with both food and liquids. What was in the food? What was in the liquids? How did they help and hinder me? I started to switch proteins such as red meat for white meat. This minor switch was something truly major and it was amazing to help my journey at the very start. I didnt realize how truly important proper food nutrition was with weight loss. I switched to chicken turkey and fish only eating healthier leaner less fatty meats. We also used smaller plates cups bowls and silverware. We minimized everything to visually show what a true serving was and to better understand sizes. advertisement !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ready to Lose 10-21 lbs in the Next 28 Days? click here :ebayproductfree.b… download here:https://ift.tt/2qOA5lI advertisement !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had Gastric Bypass Surgery. I had a Roux-en-Y. Surgery did not go as planned and my two-hour surgery turned into 7 hours due to complications. I was 392 pounds. I managed to lose 108 naturally before surgery through dieting starving myself and using the liquid diet. I was scared for my life. After about a month I was fully healed from surgery and off the liquid painkiller. I got the approval to start Slow Start (I could only walk no weight training no weight lifting) so I purchased a pair of shoes and I bought Gel Inserts to help ease the pain that walking did to me. I hit the ground WALKING (42 steps on day 1) and never looked back. I would walk 10000 steps every day which is equivalent to 3.5 miles. There would be moments it was 15 minutes to midnight and I would be walking up and down my hallway trying to get my extra 300 to 400 steps in. Over the course of a week or a month those small steps truly add up after a year or two. After months of testing setbacks delays and making sure my body was at its healthiest it could be I underwent one of the most extreme skin removal surgery ever. I had 5 surgeries at once it lasted over 9 hours and they lost track at 2400 stitches. The surgeries I had were a FDL Tummy Tuck Hernia Repair Muscle Repair Mastopexy and a Butt Lift. ADVERTISEMENT I adjust slowly to change and it was only in December 2016 when I could noticed my visual size from then to now with the skin gone and all. Ive struggled with my imperfections trying to make them perfect or hiding them from the world but I truly mean well. I am trying to inspire everyone I can with the positive side of losing weight but with ups there are downs. advertisement !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ready to Lose 10-21 lbs in the Next 28 Days? click here :ebayproductfree.b… download here:https://ift.tt/2qOA5lI advertisement !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! After losing 350 pounds my left knee needed to be replaced because of my prior obesity. Then I needed emergency surgery on my opposite foot for a broken fractured and dislocated toe two days later on February 10th. I was stuck in bed for 23 days straight. Depression hit me and just like that I felt like I was 500 pounds again. I shut out the world and deleted my social media accounts. After everything I had been through depression kicked my butt again and made me take two steps back in life. Over the course of February March April and some of May I began pushing myself once again more than ever before going to physical therapy twice a week at UF in Gainesville Florida. It was a painstaking 2-hour drive one way but I was focusing on me my life and redirecting myself on what I needed to do next. Zach Moore May 26th 2017 On 36 hour notice I underwent another Umbilical Hernia Revision Surgery. The surgery was supposed to last 15 minutes and be two incisions. By this time in my life I knew better. Its never easy. Two hours and 15 minutes later I was done with the eight incisions in my stomach. Zach Moore Zach Moore In total I went through 10 surgeries in 10 months and have now lost 350 pounds. Now it is time to share my story. I think it will help the world and likely save many lives. advertisement !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ready to Lose 10-21 lbs in the Next 28 Days? click here :ebayproductfree.b… download here:https://ift.tt/2qOA5lI advertisement !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My life is constantly changing. Ive been through a lot more in the last year than most ever will which does cause for moments when I dont realize what I have accomplished. I dont give myself much credit for the crazy feats I have overcome. I have been through so much but I tend to forget and block it out so I write about it in posts on social media. I am trying to become more involved with sharing my journey on HOW I LOST 350 POUNDS. Zach Moore I have emotional issues that I deal with daily but I try my best. Lately the struggle has been difficult. Im human. But with all the new messages of support and well wishes I have many reasons to persevere once again. I would be dead today if I did nothing. I at least stood up and said Screw you obesity. Im going to fight for my life. You may win but Im not going down without a fight. Zach Moore My wife has been my everything throughout this weight loss journey and transformation. It would have been extremely difficult at times without her support. Im proud that we together have held our vows for better or worse in sickness and in health. advertisement !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ready to Lose 10-21 lbs in the Next 28 Days? click here :ebayproductfree.b… download here:https://ift.tt/2qOA5lI advertisement !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Zach Moore My son is truly the main inspiration behind my motives. Only last year in 2017 did we find out that he has autism. It explained why he had difficulty growing up and why I knew at my size I wouldnt be able to Dad as my father did. I wanted to be prepared as any parent would. He truly is my hero. Zach Moore This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Zach Moore 37 of Pierson Florida. He has been chronicling his weight loss on Instagram. Submit your story here and be subscribe to our best love stories here. Provide beauty and strength for others. SHARE this story on Facebook with your friends and family. advertisement !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ready to Lose 10-21 lbs in the Next 28 Days? click here :ebayproductfree.b… download here:https://ift.tt/2qOA5lI advertisement !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To Be Comfortable In His Skin – Amazing Loser Zach Moore | MAN v FAThttps://manvfat.com/to-be-comfortable-in-his-skin-amazing-loser-zach-…Dịch trang này27 thg 10 2016 – After a health scare this week’s Amazing Loser Zach made the first brave step towards his weight loss goal by electing to have gastric bypass …Age: 35Hình ảnh cho zach moore weight lossKết quả hình ảnh cho zach moore weight lossHình ảnh khác cho zach moore weight lossBáo cáo hình ảnhKết quả tìm kiếm trên webObese father accused of Photoshopping his images after losing 21 …ift.tt/2EAOneq… – Dịch trang này22 thg 2 2016 – Zach Moore 35 from Florida who now weighs 168lbs (12st) shed nearly two thirds of his body weight in just 18 months so he could live to see …Video1:09Dad Is Unrecognizable After Excess Skin Is Removed From 300 …Inside EditionYouTube �� 4 thg 10 20162:40Father Loses 25st And Has Excess Skin RemovedCaters ClipsYouTube – 7 thg 11 2017’I knew I was going to die’: 500-pound man loses a whopping 350 …ift.tt/2VoAPbk thg 3 2018 – My name is Zach Moore. Back in December of … I didn’t realize how truly important proper food nutrition was with weight loss. I switched to …Zach Moore Weightloss Guru (@mmazach) Ảnh và video trên …ift.tt/2ECcnhh người theo dõi 2 đang theo dõi 79 bài viết – Xem ảnh và video trên Instagram từ Zach Moore Weightloss Guru (@mmazach)My Battle With An Eating Disorder Zach Moore Fitnesszmoore.com/my-battle-with-an-eating-disorder/1 thg 1 2013 – After experimenting with this I began losing weight. As I mentioned above I never thought I was fat but I was starting to see some abs pop …Man makes miraculous weight loss transformation after 33st figure …ift.tt/2zj8bOP Life & Style Diet & Fitness22 thg 2 2016 – Zach Moore weighed in at 33st and had an unhealthy BMI of 60 before making his miraculous transformation. The dad-of-one would happily …Intermittent Fasting Part 2: Weight Loss | Zach Moorehttps://ift.tt/2VoACoy thg 10 2016 – Here in Part II I will address intermittent fasting’s potential for fat loss and weight management. Losing weight is a complex task one that we.Flab to abs! Father who nearly ate himself to death reveals remarkable …ift.tt/2EA6EbS thg 11 2017 – Zach Moore 36 from Pierson in Florida USA recorded a ‘goodbye … Since Zach lost all of his weight he’s undergone surgeries to reduce the .. ift.tt/2H5GYp8

[

I knew I was going to die: 500-pound man loses a whopping 350 pounds for his her… https://ift.tt/2Wbmr6K

0 notes

clitorista · 5 years ago

Text

So I met this really strong witch Sarah when I was a teenager, through one of the most awful, horrible, abusive people I’ve ever known. He met her while he was away at college, and he was my best friend at the time and had yet to show his full crazy. I was 16 and he was 19, and she was 19 and I was absolutely enamored of her. She was wonderful, she didn’t judge, she seemed very Light and Kind, and I stayed as in contact with her as I could over the years. We only checked in off and on throughout the years after she fell out of touch with Rowan, and he had been growing more and more controlling and abusive over the years towards me, so I wasn’t /allowed/ to talk to people he didn’t like or it escalated his behavior. In 2013 when I was 26 I finally broke free of him because he went to prison for assaulting a toddler. [Long story there, might be kinda tangentially related to my long streak of negative luck, actually. He was a powerful witch, too] When Harmony and I moved out together into our own apartment in 2015, things were hard. They were my PCA, and that was the only income we had besides my SSI, because they were in grad school and finishing it up. They were commuting an hour one way to school each day, spending $400 a month on a commuter rail pass, and our rent was half of our income, our car payment was another $300 a month, and then utilities, and groceries, and the money they had to spend on things FOR school... It was a fucking mess. About two months after we moved into that apartment, Sarah contacted me. She wanted to come by and see how I was doing, and show me some new makeup stuff she had. She was a Mary Kay consultant, and I had [out of kindness, not because I supported Mary Kay, or liked makeup] given a part for her a few years before. She wanted to see about following up with that, and honestly that party she had held for me the few years before had kickstarted my obsession with makeup. I’d already outpacecd the Mary Kay quality stuff, but I wanted to be kind to a friend I’d had so long, and so I let her come and bring all of her goods. We had a little extra money because it was in between both of our birthdays, so we bought some stuff from her and figured that would be it. But then she asked me to join her team. I told her I wasn’t interested, because I wasn’t able to travel to do parties, being a wheelchair user would make it impossible for me to access most people’s houses. She insisted, and talked me into it, telling me I could hold parties at my house, and all of my ordering could be done through my company website. I wouldn’t have to hold any product stock, and I’d be able to /make extra money/ that we so desperately needed. I tried for about a month, and wasn’t bringing in any orders, so she devised a plan. I would be her personal assistant and help her run /her/ Mary Kay business, and she would make orders in my name to keep me active, and then would pay me $300 a month under the table for us to be able to afford groceries because we /weren’t/ at the time, and I kept getting denied SNAP benefits. This seemed like a sure fire thing, so I agreed to try it out. Within the month, she had started shirking her duties of on boarding people, and I was running the facebook launches, and teaching people all of the stuff they needed to know to run their businesses. She kept going to Mary Kay seminars, and I had to transcribe her notes, both from her private notebooks, and from her audio notes. It was fine, because I type quickly and accurately and I’m actually really quite good at that. The problem with everything was, she kept getting more and more erratic. She’s a very powerful Christian Witch who works with the Archangels, and that was fine to us while we were on her good side... She bought us witchy gifts, she helped Harmony hone their craft and bring me back to my practice that I’d let lapse. She slowly stopped going out to do in person launch parties. She would just completely abandon the girls whose parties were supposed to happen the day of them, and leave me to tell them how to run them and to field any texts that came from them, or any vox messages. Her marriage was falling apart, she couldn’t keep a job.... Which was unlike her, and unusual for her. She grew up in a very wealthy family, went to school and got a ton of tech certs, and had always had a 6 figure job. She stopped going to work. She lost at least two jobs in the three months everything spanned over. In those three months, she paid me $100, once. I’ve obviously got serious mental illnesses, and am physically disabled and just couldn’t keep up with running a business, let alone one that was not benefiting me at all. I told her that I couldn’t do it anymore, because it wasn’t working for me and it was driving me into the ground, and she did not take it well. She got incredibly angry, and said some really derogatory things about how poor Harmony and I are, and she got some of her stuff from our house but never came back for others. We thought we had gotten rid of all of it in the immediate aftermath. FFW a little adn Harmony has graduated grad school with a degree in Clinical Psychology. They get hired at a very well acclaimed youth counseling program, and they start working right away. We move into a fancy new apartment that’s huge, and on the top floor of an 8 story building. It’s late June when we move in, and the central air is apparently not working. They tell us to keep our windows open, and fans going because it’s an unbelievably hot outside, even for that time of year. We do so, not knowing our windowscreens are breakaway and our boy cat, who is only a year old at this time, falls out of the window. He broke his pelvis/hip and ended up in kitty ICU for a week, and having a pin put in his hip. He survived, and is just fine now. Harmony and I have always had chronic health issues we’ve tried to be taken seriously about by doctors, and always had them brushed off. In 2016 they start worsening, rapidly. Well, mine didn’t get so bad so quickly, but Harmony’s fucking bottomed out all at once. In 2016/2017 I was 29-30, and Harmony was 24-25 so it was weird /how/ bad it got, how quickly. They were working their high stress job, that was focused very minutely on productivity, and they kept asking for accommodations for their disabilities and being hand waved off. They had been FINE and then all of a sudden were very NOT FINE. They scheduled meeting after meeting with their supervisors and they were told to just find ways to manage, and they did their best to keep up with their unrealistic productivity expectations. People were quitting the company left and right because they were working their people into the ground, but we couldn’t afford for Harmony to quit because I can’t work, and our bills are too much. In 2018 they were finally fired for their disabilities, which their company completely openly admitted. Their last year working there, after Trump changed the tax laws, their job didn’t withhold enough, and they ended up owing $3000 dollars to the government that year. They applied for unemployment, and were told they were entitiled to it. The unemployment agency did /not/ walk them through the paper work the right way, and when they filled it out there was no option given for them to list their part time job as my PCA. They collected unemployment for about six months, and at the end of the six months started looking for another job. Nowhere was hiring, and they took the only job that accepted them, a fee-for-service clinician job. It promised that they were going to have a full caseload of 25 clients within 6 months, and that then they would be salaried. That never happened. They’re still working with a partial caseload, and making barely any money. In the past 4 years, a /ton/ of other fucked up shit has happened to us besides both of our health. [Mine ended up rapidly deteriorating in the past year and a half, btw.. worse than it was before. Even worse in the past six months.]. Our brakes went twice on our car that we’ve only owned for four years as of this month. We hit a pothole so hard and deep that it broke our wheel, and completely fucked up our alignment. Our battery randomly died, more than once, and then finally completely shit the bed January 2019 on the coldest day of the year. Our radiator started leaking antifreeze due to loose hoses. Harmony has had a bunch of weird, wild, fucked up shit happen to their mouth. They’ve broken both of the crowns they got in 2016, they broke a tooth and had to have it extracted. Dental phobia is like their biggest phobia, and they literally can’t even talk about dental procedures. We just kept running into emergency after emergency that cost $500+, with no way to pay for them ourselves. We also ran up our credit cards to completely maxed out, and defaulted on them because we had no other option and needed to use them for groceries and gas and living essentials. This job they’re still currently at [ but leaving at the end of apri ] has never paid more than $500 takehome for two weeks of work. They were getting paid $30 an hour before the past few months when a raise of $2.50 happened. The thing is, as a fee-for-service clinician, they only get paid if they HAVE sessions. They get paid nothing for paperwork, they get paid $17 an hour for collateral work, and for their supervision. We’ve had to fundraise a ton of different times through mutual aid groups, and take money from my parents to make ends meet. There was just a lot of little stuff that went wrong, as well, and a huuuuuge falling out between Harmony and their parents over our Christmas vacation and they haven’t spoken since because of some really passive aggressive ass letters their parents wrote them. We’ve both had a lot of negative interactions with doctors, a lot of health problems, doctors telling us we’re just fat and that’s where all of our problems are stemming from... Obviously that’s bullshit, and we’ve both tested for there being ACTUAL THINGS WRONG but still aren’t getting taken seriously. It got so bad, and we were struggling so hard no matter what we did, we came to the conclusion we had /definitely/ been hexed/cursed. I tried mirror charms, to reflect it back, I tried shielding stuff. I tried some banishing stuff. None of it worked. For the past year Sarah has been sending me emails that have no info in their body, and their subject line is always “Is this still you, Nikki?” And I accidentally opened the first one without realizing it was “empty”, and haven’t opened any since, and have them directly deflected to my spam folder now. On Valentines I was presented with the PERFECT opportunity for some NAME MAGICK. San Antonio Zoo was offering this fundraising effort “Name a cockroach and we’ll feed it to our animals for $5. You can name a mouse for more, and we’ll feed it to our snakes.” I named a fucking cockroach after Sarah, with her last name attached, and things MAGICKALLY started getting better. Just before Valentines is when we found out they weren’t renewing our lease, after Valentines we started looking for somewhere new to live and had a hard time finding somewhere that met our requirements, but as soon as we did and applied with my mum cosigning [because our credit scores suck from tanking them being jobless], we got accepted. Harmony found a new job too, after having been applying to them for months. It’s not a GREAT job, it’s a call center job at Spectrum cable, but it will be stable pay, with the same hours every week, and the same pay every paycheck. Which is what we need the most so we can keep our budget on board. Some random problems have obviously come up with these situations, being that their current day job is basically non-existent because even their boss isn’t answering their calls for their sessions/supervision. They got one session in in their first week of work from home, and their boss didn’t answer their supervision call. We haven’t received our lease to sign yet, despite the fact we’re moving on the 4th, and found out today it’s because they didn’t have some paperwork from my Mum that they didn’t tell us they needed until today, after I asked them about why we hadn’t gotten it yet... We’ve fixed that, and they’ll have them all on Tuesday. But there was a literal air of Negative Anxiety for the past 4 years, we sniped at each other a lot and had to learn a lot of really good communications skills. Now it feels a lot lighter, and more positive, and we’re arguing less even though we’ve been in the house together for 22 days straight. We’re getting along really well, and still being really supportive of one another with all of our anxieties, and traumas. We’ve been so good together, and putting all of the work of the past four years into this month, and it’s working so well. And things are finally looking up. My Tarot and runes keep telling me I’ve got financial stability, material gain, wealth, romantic love, and life stability, home and hearth, and family. It’s fucking w i l d and I don’t know what to make of any of it. It’s also pointing towards the love coming from someone already close to me, which I definitely realized I’m in love with one of our best friends recently, so there’s that.

0 notes

olgagarmash · 4 years ago

Text

A Fitness App Moonlights as a Men’s Support Group – The New York Times

Like other single guys his age, Mack Knight, 40, a software company executive in Los Angeles, has a crew of buddies who like to explore the city, travel and workout together.

The data is highly personal, even intrusive. It shows if your heart rate spikes randomly or if you only burn 300 calories one day instead of 1,000.

“You can see how often your friends run or lift weights,” he said. “I can learn lessons from them that I apply to my own life.”

The app’s off-label use as a social support group became more pronounced during the darker stretches of the pandemic.

Blake Reichenbach, who run Self-Himprovement, a wellness website for men, said that Whoop appeals to men who feel more comfortable gathering around stereotypically masculine activities.

source https://wealthch.com/a-fitness-app-moonlights-as-a-mens-support-group-the-new-york-times/

0 notes

bountyofbeads · 5 years ago

Text

You CAN'T EXPECT CBP and ICE officials who have to carry out Trump's and Miller's INHUMANE POLICIES and NOT be AFFECTED PERSONALLY (Many are parents who are just trying to put food on their tables like the rest of us😭🙏). Trump is FORCING His UGLY, RACIST, XENOPHOBIC INHUMANE views on an entire agency and its TRAGIC with real life CONSEQUENCES. 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

“Bodies and minds are breaking down”: Inside US border agency’s suicide crisis

By Justin Rohrlich & Zoë Schlanger | Published July 2, 2019 | Quartz | Posted July 12, 2019 |

Mental health issues are plaguing the ranks of US Customs and Border Protection (CBP), as officers deal with increasing job stress related to the crisis at the southern border and lingering financial problems caused by the partial government shutdown.

In May, CBP asked for an additional $2.1 million for the agency’s Employee Assistance Program (EAP), which provides counseling and other help to workers facing personal or job-related issues. The additional money was needed, CBP wrote in a funding request obtained by Quartz, to respond to the “health and safety of its workforce.”

“EAP use…increased in response to unanticipated critical incidents and other emerging crises, such as the unexpected response required for migrant caravans, employee suicides, and the need for a financial wellness program after the extended partial federal government shutdown,” CBP wrote in the filing. “The unanticipated and unprecedented situation at the southern border over the past 12 months resulted in a significant increase in EAP activity and it is expected to continue while the migrant crisis is ongoing.”

Current and former CBP officers, union leaders, and internal CBP documents all describe an agency that is overburdened and understaffed, struggling to keep up with the growing crisis sparked by the Trump administration’s crackdown on immigration. To handle the rush of detentions, the agency now requires mandatory overtime and forced job relocation to bolster its ranks. This added pressure, coupled with the usual strain of working border security and dealing with often desperate families seeking asylum—many of whom face indefinite detention as they await overloaded court systems—is wearing down the force.

According to its own records, the Department of Homeland Security (DHS), CBP’s parent agency, has known about this issue for years. But its efforts to address the problem have been intermittent and neglected. And according to at least one expert, agency supervisors have in fact actively discouraged officers from seeking the help they need.

While the emotional stress affecting CBP officers can’t compare to the suffering of the tens of thousands of migrants they detain, the same government policies are at the heart of both problems.

“My continuing thought has been that this level of activity combined with the disastrous policy of wholesale separating children from parents has a very negative impact on CBP personnel. They did not join to take a 2-year-old from his mother,” former CBP commissioner Gil Kerlikowske told Quartz.

For three straight years, law enforcement suicides in the United States have surpassed line of duty deaths. At CBP, one of the largest law enforcement agencies in the country, more than 100 employees died by suicide between 2007 and 2018, according to the agency itself. Morale among CBP officers ranks among the lowest of all federal agencies.

Tony Reardon, the president of the National Treasury Employees Union, which represents CBP officers, confirmed that stress at the agency is higher than it has been in the past. The force is overworked, he said, and the migrant crisis has changed the nature of the job.

“You have human beings, their bodies and their minds, breaking down,” Reardon said.

Vincent Salgado, a CBP officer at the Calexico border crossing in California, said the excessive overtime is exhausting. “The morale is down,” he told Quartz. While he doesn’t personally know anyone at CBP who has died by suicide, Salgado said he’s aware that it’s a problem. “Suicides have been ongoing.”

When a CBP officer takes their own life, word typically reaches Reardon through the union’s local chapter staff, who sometimes helps grieving families navigate the life insurance process. “I’ve gotten the phone calls. It’s heartbreaking when you hear about someone who is not able to cope, and who ends up leaving their family,” Reardon said.

He doesn’t have access to data about how many officers have died by suicide recently, but he said he noticed an unsettling uptick in those phone calls, beginning about two years ago. “It started to look like, whoa, there’s a problem here.”

He’s spoken with CBP officials about the need to more urgently address the issue. “I know they’re trying to deal with it. I’m continuing to talk to them about trying to get even more done.”

The union also represents employees of 32 other US federal agencies. “I’m sure that there are people who commit suicide in other agencies,” Reardon said, but “the only suicides I’ve been made aware of are those at CBP.”

Overworked

A nationwide and ongoing CBP officer shortage means that virtually everyone at the agency is working mandatory double shifts that add up to 16-hour days. Salgado said he works double shifts two to three times a week.

“It means less time at home. You don’t have the opportunity to see family members, or attend special outings,” he said.

What’s worse, managers often tell officers they have to work a double shift with very little notice, often on the same day. And refusing is not an option. “It’s a requirement of the job,” Salgado said.

Understaffed ports also means more work per person every shift.

“If it’s not the overtime, it’s the workload,” Salgado said. “Everything works hand in hand. The overtime pushes them to exhaustion, especially if they’re having to do it two or three days in a row. And it’s not just exhaustion, it’s their family life.”

At the same time, some officers are still struggling to regain their footing after the 35-day partial government shutdown that straddled 2018 and 2019. Many officers were required to work without pay for two pay periods in a row. This is no small thing when roughly 78% of US workers live paycheck to paycheck.

“They had to deal with all the stressors that come from those situations. Can’t pay your mortgage, can’t pay your rent, cause you don’t have any money,” Reardon said. “Many of them are still trying to catch up.”

Understaffed

CBP has long struggled to both find and retain officers. The time-to-hire for a CBP officer, from the recruitment to job offer, takes an average of 300 days. Its staffing shortfall now, according to the union that represents its employees, is 3,700 officers.

And due to the crisis at the southern border, the workload is rising, requiring the agency to accomplish more with fewer people. At locations along the southern border, the conditions are a particularly hard sell. Many officers live in remote, lonely towns, and work in 120-degree heat.

As CBP official Benjamine “Carry” Huffman and Border Patrol sector chief Rodolfo Karisch put it in testimony to Congress in March:

“One example of a hard-to-fill location is Lukeville, Arizona. Although many of our Arizona border locations are remote and hard-to-fill, Lukeville is particularly challenging. It is an isolated outpost along the Mexican border, in a community of fewer than 50 people. It has one small grocery store and gas station. The closest school and medical clinic is 39 miles away in Ajo, Arizona. The nearest metropolitan area—Phoenix—is 150 miles away. The climate is especially harsh; in the summer, many of the local roads are impassable because of monsoons. Furthermore, the groundwater in Lukeville requires significant treatment to make it potable, due to traces of arsenic.”

At the same hearing, the two said the harsh conditions make officers “reluctant to encourage their family members or friends to seek employment with CBP.”

But the agency desperately needs bodies. Between 2015 and 2016, CBP “nearly tripled” its recruiting events across the country, according to a USA Today investigation, showing up at “country music concerts, NASCAR races and Professional Bull Riders events to find applicants.”

In 2017, US president Donald Trump signed an executive order demanding CBP hire 15,000 more personnel, 10,000 more CBP officers and 5,000 more Border Patrol agents. In 2018, CBP only managed to hire 368 CBP officers and 118 Border Patrol agents. An extensive application, involving a polygraph test that more than 40% of applicants fail, makes the hiring process extremely slow.

To hire those 5,000 Border Patrol agents alone, the Department of Homeland Security Inspector General estimated that the agency would have to screen 750,000 applicants.

To help relieve these staff shortages on the southern border, CBP has begun reassigning officers from other ports of entry. There are 328 locations in the United States where migrants can legally cross and that are staffed by CBP officers, and most of them are nothing like the southern border. Many are relatively sleepy, like some of the smaller ports on the Great Lakes along the border with Canada.

These temporary new assignments used to be voluntary, but because there are so few willing to go, the agency has begun “drafting” people, requiring them to make the move.

These drafted officers are given three or four days notice to get on a plane and head south, Reardon said. “Most people have families. You can’t give them a month’s notice?” Reardon asked when he testified to Congress in March. The involuntary overtime and involuntary reassignments, he said, “disrupts” families and “destroys morale.”

The draft policy, which began in 2015but has intensified under Trump, means that an officer from, say, a quiet port on the border with Canada could suddenly find themselves in the crushing heat of southern Texas, working double shifts in packed migrant detention centers. Known as “Operation Southern Support,” the policy also leaves ports of entry in other parts of the county understaffed, increasing the workload on the coworkers left behind.

“You can’t just say, ‘My child is in a school play today,’” Reardon said. “It doesn’t matter. You’re working.”

Strains of the job

Reardon recently visited the Fort Brown CBP facility in Brownsville, Texas, where he said he found officers preparing ham sandwiches for migrant detainees.

“These are highly trained people slapping sandwiches together,” he said.

While Reardon said it’s not unusual for CBP officers to deal with detained migrants, the current circumstances are extreme.

Reardon also recently went to the Ursula Central Processing Center in McAllen, Texas, where he said 2,700 migrants were being held. “In these detention centers you’ve got a lot of influenza, chicken pox, mumps, scabies,” he said. The officers tried to keep the facility clean, he said, but detaining large numbers of ill people in one space made that difficult. The conditions were bleak. “Candidly I would give you my perspective: It was heartbreaking to see sick children in there.”

CBP officers who work all day in these enclosed environments, or transport sick people in vans, are always on edge about getting sick themselves. “They’re very concerned about contracting these illnesses. That’s a big deal. That’s stressful in and of itself,” Reardon said.

Even without the added pressures created by Trump’s crackdown, the job has long been emotionally draining. CBP agriculture specialists, for example, are responsible for making sure any package entering the United States is contaminant-free—an error in judgement could result in a public health crisis or a new invasive species taking hold in the country. Officers who patrol vehicle crossings, in another example, never know who is behind the wheel. Last month an American citizen sped his truck through a border crossing at San Ysidro, San Diego—the busiest official land border crossing in the world. Another vehicle blocked the truck, and when CBP officers approached, the driver opened fire. The officers shot back, killing him. Two Chinese nationals were found in the back of the truck. The incident rattled officers staffing vehicle crossings across the region.

“The officers are out there with this at the back of their mind,” Salgado said.

Help is hard to come by

The US government is aware of the increased pressure on CBP officers, and the resulting rise in demand for mental health support. But by its own admission, it has failed to do much about it.

In 2009, long before the current crisis at the border, DHS created a program called “DHSTogether.” Its mission was to build “resiliency and wellness capacity” at the department. But the committee responsible for the effort only held its first meeting years later. “Although the program had been in existence for almost 4 years…it did not yet have a formal vision or set of goals,” according to an internal reportpublished in 2013.

While DHSTogether “initially focused on suicide prevention,” the report continues, the agency “quickly recognized” that suicidal behavior is the “end result” of a “complex trajectory of events and circumstances.” The authors of the report determined that there was a need to “intervene” long before employees reach the point that they are considering suicide.

In 2012, the agency hired the government-run Uniformed Services University of the Health Sciences to create a peer support program for DHSTogether, and train leaders on the relationship between stress and work performance. The 2013 internal report noted, however, that a year after the contract had been signed, “little has been accomplished.”

DHS earmarked about $1.5 million for DHSTogether, before reducing that funding to about $1 million for the 2014 fiscal year. “Because of the modest funding, few or no resources are tied to the policies that are promulgated by the program,” the internal report said.

The most recent mention of DHSTogether on the DHS website is a list of agency-specific resources, last updated in 2015. The CBP resource listlinks to a website that does not load, and lists a phone number for a peer support program that is no longer in operation, and an email Quartz sent to the email address listed for the program was never returned.

In response to Quartz’s inquires, a CBP spokesperson wrote in an email that the agency had “expanded” its resources to prevent suicide, and has held events both during Suicide Awareness Month and at other times that can be live streamed and viewed throughout the year. The spokesperson also said the agency has a peer support program, a “robust” Employee Assistance Program, and “an agency-wide” internal website dedicated to suicide prevention, which includes suicide prevention videos.

The first stop for a distressed CBP officer might be to log into the EAP website. But given the high rate of suicide and mental health problems at the agency, and its apparent years-long effort to address those problems, the website’s options for help are surprisingly thin.

On the login page, the portal first directs employees to call a 24-hour hotline, which is industry standard. Using the login password on the Department of Homeland Security’s own website, Quartz logged into the portal in June, and found a website administered by Espry, a private contractor.

The portal homepage includes several links to issue-specific pages. The “suicide prevention” page link features a stock image of several people in silhouette helping a person up from a cliff. The “videos” tab on the suicide prevention page links to a single video. It is titled, “Teen suicide: Too young to die.” The video is under copyright from NBC Universal and features a psychologist discussing suicide among teenagers. The psychologist in the video, Dr. Peter Jensen, told Quartz it was taped in early 2001.

Other features of the suicide prevention portal include a link to a questionnaire to screen for depression, and various links to articles about suicide prevention from other groups, including the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline website.

In another failed effort, last fiscal year CBP hired Federal Occupational Health(FOH), a private company that operates Employee Assistance Programs. As part of a pilot program, the company worked with a special CBP task force, which decided to try staffing ports of entry with liaisons who could point employees to the various mental health benefits available.

The pilot was intended to take place in San Diego, home to one of the busiest ports of entry along the southern border, according to an FOH employee who hung up the phone before giving their name. But the one-year pilot ended before the company managed to recruit someone to fill that position, and funding for it wasn’t renewed.

James Phelps, a professor of criminal justice who studies border enforcement and is in regular contact with CBP officers, told Quartz that officers have confided in him that they’ve been victims of outright intimidation—used to prevent employees from seeking help.

On June 13, CBP announced it had hired a certified trauma specialist to work with air and marine officers following several upsetting incidents. However, Phelps said the vast majority of them won’t ask for help.

“And the reason is because they’ve been directed by their bosses not to,” Phelps said. “The human resources guy or gal will walk in and say, ‘We want to remind you, we’ve expanded this, we’ve expanded that. These things are available to you.’ And then after they leave, the supervisor of the shift walks in and says, ‘Anybody who takes advantage of that is a wimp, a pussy, and I don’t want you working in my station.’ It’s not a joke, they really are doing that.”

0 notes

chocolate-brownies · 6 years ago

Link

Here at Mindful, we love podcasts and trading our favorite episodes is our idea of fun watercooler chat. This definitely felt like the Year of the Podcast (again) and we hope it continues in 2019. There were so many great interviews this year and even full-length shows devoted to shining a light on the inner workings of the brain, the role emotions play in constructing our relationships (and in some cases, life trajectories), and research on how doctors and educators are integrating qualities like kindness and empathy into their work.

After hours of listening, we’ve pulled together a list of the standout mindful podcasts in 2018.

Podcasts About the Brain

How Our Personal Narratives Become Facts Episode: Pt.I: Emotions / Pt.II: High Voltage, Invisibilia

This wonderful if offbeat podcast (its title is Latin for “invisible things”) fuses science with narrative storytelling. These episodes investigate psychologist Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett’s case that how we conceptualize (and deal with) emotions is totally backward: “Emotions aren’t a reaction to the world; they actually construct the world.” This is weighed against some true, truly weird stories: Traumatized by a car crash, a man sues who he crashed into—the parents of the child he killed (!). An anthropologist discovers a “new” emotion among a head-hunting tribe in the Philippines. And a woman struggles to find love, due to a seemingly involuntary reflex.

Daydreaming=Creativity Neuroscience says it’s good to daydream, Quirks & Quarks

When we daydream, science finds, our brains are in the zone for problem-solving and creativity. Neuroscience professor emeritus Dr. Daniel Levitin had Sting compose music inside a brain scanner, and Sting’s brain activity shifted into “daydreaming mode,” the default mode network. This area of the brain, describes psychology professor Dr. Kalina Kristoff, shows “the sweet spot between order and chaos.” She says the ability to flexibly switch between a daydreaming mental mode and more constrained and analytical modes of thought can indicate a highly creative mind.

How to Tame Negative Thoughts Why Is My Life So Hard? Freakonomics Radio

Psychology professors Tom Gilovich, of Cornell University, and Shai Davidai, of The New School for Social Research, here investigate humankind’s pessimistic tendencies: Why do we often think we have it worse in life than anyone else? And why is it so hard to practice gratitude consistently? Their “headwinds/tailwinds asymmetry” theory says we are biased to underestimate what helps and overestimate what hinders us. If we can learn to notice “the invisibles,” taken-for-granted things that boost spirits—like having coffee with a friend—we’ll feel happier, longer.

Why Our Judgement Fails Us Here’s Why All Your Projects Are Always Late—and What to Do About It, Freakonomics Radio

Why do we procrastinate—and why, nevertheless, can we always convince ourselves that we won’t next time? Experts weigh in, from psychology and neuroscience to software design and New York City’s Second Avenue subway that took 50 years to start building. We fall victim to the planning fallacy, which involves our “optimism bias”—believing the grass is greener in the future—and the fact that most of us don’t love data integration. The key to more accurate expectations? “Use data instead of human judgment.” Artificial intelligence: 1; people: 0.

Podcasts About Relationships

The Kindness of Strangers How Sarah Slean’s musical and philosophical evolution led her to Metaphysics, Q on CBC Radio

Canadian singer-songwriter Sarah Slean shares how she was practicing meditation one night while riding the subway home, when she felt a “very menacing presence” beside her: “This terrifying- looking human being with this harsh look in his eyes, like he was going to hurt me and enjoy it.” Instead of reacting to a natural spike of anxiety, Slean struck up a friendly conversation. Gradually, the stranger opened up to her about his hardships. Their brief chat ended in exchanging email addresses; years later, Slean would write a song (on her newest album, Metaphysics) that reflects the profound effect each had on the other.

A Prescription for Empathy How Empathy Can Transform Healthcare, CBC’s The Current

For Dr. Brian Goldman, being told by the family of his elderly patient that his bedside manner was unfeeling kicked off a personal quest to be kinder, in his medical practice and his life. Along the way he met Erica, an empathic android, and learned about more compassionate treatments for dementia patients. He finds that while some people seem to be innately empathic, going through painful experiences can cause others to develop their empathy muscle: “If you have pain, use it, because it will make you stronger—and you’ll find your community.”

Healing Communities Through Conversation The King of Tears series, Revisionist History

In this series, Malcolm Gladwell’s prodigious talents as both a free thinker and a storyteller are on display. Gladwell likes to look at things from oblique angles, the better to break us out of fixed ways of thinking and shed new light. A superb journalist, he explores and investigates by talking with people. In Episode 6, season 2, he travels to Nashville in a fascinating quest to account for the difficulties we have in bridging the cultural divide in America by contrasting country music and rock and roll: one pulls at the heartstrings, the other doesn’t go there much.

Empathy is Not a Soft Skill—It’s Essential A neuroscientist explains: the need for ‘empathetic citizens’, The Guardian’s Science Weekly

“Empathy is really about emotional resonance,” says Francesca Happé, a researcher at King’s College London. It’s “the ability to feel with another person,” an underrated skill that our increasingly fractured societies need. In studying how children develop empathy (beginning as young as seven months), Professor Happé finds that if we want a more empathic society, “children need to experience a wide range of emotions,” safely, such as through the arts. This nurtures the capacity to recognize and relate to the same emotional states in others, including—most critically—others who seem unlike themselves.

Redefining Success for Boys, and the Next Generation Ashanti Branch, The Educhange Podcast

In this episode, Ever Forward Club founder Ashanti Branch relates how neither excelling in school nor showing your emotions are considered cool for American boys. He also talks about his 100k Mask Challenge, which encourages young people and teachers to communicate with one another more authentically. An educator himself, Branch emphasizes the role of empathy in teachers to build constructive relationships with students: “If you care more about the subjects you’re teaching than the subjects who you’re teaching, there’s going to be a disconnect…. Connect a little bit more with your heart.” (For more on Branch’s work, see our feature “Is Your Life Designed For You?”)

Do We Create Neurological Tribes? Friends share more than interests. Their brains are similar, too, Quirks & Quarks

Dr. Carolyn Parkinson, a psychological researcher at UCLA, led a study that interviewed 300 students to learn the degrees of friendship or distance they had to others within the group. Then, students watched an assortment of video clips while the researchers took fMRI scans of their brains. It turned out that how close the students were to one another could be predicted by the similarity of their neural responses to the videos. This leaves open the question of whether we gravitate toward others who already see and process the world similarly, or if we become friends first and, through unknown mechanisms, our mental patterns converge over time.

Podcasts About Self-Care

Navigating Mental Health Tim Ferriss, Design Matters with Debbie Millman

His 4-hour-everything followers may be surprised to hear Tim Ferriss open up about his experience with depression and suicidal ideation while still a postgrad at Princeton University. But, just as with the more hackable areas of life, Ferriss has a straight-up view of exactly what the struggle is: “It’s very difficult to think your way out of things that you didn’t logically think your way into.” He shares some of his favorite ways to stay well, including: “curating” his social circle, a writing exercise for overcoming fears, and working out really, really hard. Another of his keys to maintain recovery? Daily meditation, as an opportunity for “observing your thoughts without getting tumbled by them.”

The Power of Human Connection Leave a Message, Invisibilia

Let’s face it: Voicemail may not be long for this world. Technologies like email and texting have largely taken its place: They’re quicker and less intrusive. On the other hand, a 2016 study on the “cuddle hormone,” oxytocin, found that when we hear a loved one’s voice over the phone, our brain’s oxytocin response is almost the same as if we’d actually hugged them. Screenwriter Cord Jefferson considers “the power of the human voice, and what we lose when the voice goes away”—particularly if a family member’s life is cut short, glorifying the audible mementos in a voicemail inbox.

Unhook from Your Phone You can’t stop checking your phone because Silicon Valley designed it that way, CBC Radio, Sunday Edition

Reporter Ira Basen digs deep into the “attention economy, where the biggest prize goes to those who can grab users’ attention and keep it the longest.” For Facebook, Snapchat, and the rest, your attention is what’s for sale. Basen journeys back to the dawning of “persuasive technology,” a term coined in the mid-1990s by Stanford behavior scientist B.J. Fogg. He taught tech pioneers how technology could supply beneficial tools for habit formation. But did it get out of hand? A lively debate ensues about who takes ultimate responsibility for the habits we form.

Compassion Fatigue and 24 Hours News Is compassion fatigue inevitable in an age of 24-hour news? The Guardian

Elisa Gabbert prides herself on her awareness of goings-on in the world, but lately she has a case of “creeping, psychic exhaustion”: compassion fatigue, or secondary traumatic stress. Psychologist Charles Figley defined this in 1995 as “stress resulting from helping or wanting to help a traumatized or suffering person.” STS commonly haunts first responders and other professional caregivers. But thanks to round-the-clock news cycles, many people now feel emotionally numbed. “What happens,” Gabbert asks, “when the world wants more empathy than we can give?” This episode samples thought-provoking theories on empathy and considers how we might respond to its limitations.

The post The Best Mindfulness Podcasts of 2018 appeared first on Mindful.

#sleep sounds #sleep music #white noise app #nature sounds #relaxing sounds #rain sounds for sleeping

0 notes

tea-with-sam-blog · 6 years ago

Text

5 Ways To Look After Your Mental Health As A Musician

In case you weren’t already aware, being a musician is really bloody hard.

We’re the people who decided the nine-to-five grind wasn’t worth our sanity, the ones who choose a life of uncertainty for the sake of doing what we love, and the ones you’ll often find in a highly caffienated state, hunched over a laptop screen, mumbling something incoherent about ‘branding’. Our life is often a stressful one. In a 2016 study by Help Musicians UK, it was discovered that 69% of musicians surveyed had experienced episodes of depression, with 71% reporting anxiety and panic attacks. To those in the music industry, this won’t come as much of a shock, as building a music career comes with an unbelievable level of stress: money worries, rejection, competition, intense workloads, fear of failure�� It’s a tough old world out there, and it’s even tougher on your mental well-being.

For me, particularly as a long-term sufferer of anxiety, I often find it very difficult not to let my mental health suffer in the face of all these things, but there are ways to make it easier. I’m by no means an expert, but here are a few things I try to remember when the big scary world gets me down.

1. Limit your time on social media. Let’s be honest: social media is a useful, but it‘s main function these days is to say ‘hey, everyone else is better than you’ on the regular. This is quite unpleasant in general, but as a musician, it’s even harder to deal with. We’ve all experienced those familiar pangs of misery after spending so long comparing our achievements to our peers’ that we’ve pretty much convinced ourselves we’re a failure. However, what social media omits is the behind-the-screen struggle that every experiences. And I mean everyone. Our band pages show our best promo shots, not the 300 others where we look like a goose. Our highlights reel shows our five most successful shows, not the other ten where we played to a half empty room. The chances are, whoever you’re comparing yourself to is having about as much trouble navigating this minefield of an industry as you are. Everyone has highs and lows, so try to imagine it complexly. I’m not telling you to throw your phone away - all I’m saying is next time this feeling creeps up on you, log out of Facebook and go for a walk, or read a book, or binge on old seasons of GBBO. Either way, it’s just not worth the tears.

2. It’s okay to take a day off. Being an independent musician basically means taking on the role of managing director, administrator, secretary, book-keeper and bloody receptionist for what is essentially your own little business. You are responsible for finding gigs that pay, organising tours, planning photoshoots, managing your accounts, writing new material on a regular basis… it’s a lot. All of this means there’s no escape from the boss. Which is you. Yes, building your career involves an awful lot of hard work and it’s obviously important to stay driven, but not at the expense of your mental health. Giving yourself a break when the stakes are this high is simply vital for protecting your mental wellbeing. Although, it’s often easier said than done; find me a musician capable of giving themselves a guilt-free day off and I’ll eat my metaphorical hat. It can feel sometimes like you’re not allowed to stop, but it’s really important not to blur the lines between ‘work’ time and ‘you’ time. It’s important to be kind to yourself, and allow yourself the time to re-fuel. Which leads me to my next point…

3. Self-fucking-care. When you hear the words ‘self-care’, it’s easy to picture candles and bubble baths, and for some people that’s exactly what it is. But I think it’s more than that. For me, self care is synonymous with self love - it’s doing things that make you feel like yourself again, interests and activities that make up the parts of you that have nothing to do with your vocation - (disclaimer: obvs nothing self-destructive, let’s not get silly now). In the music industry, we give such a lot of ourselves to the world around us, not just through the music we make, but through that all-important self promotion that’s fast becoming a requirement of a stable music career. When you’re constantly giving everything, it’s important to keep a little for yourself, which is why self care is a true saving grace. Things like exercise, video games, long walks, meeting up with friends, tidying your room, getting yourself a nice coffee from unnamed chains that sell Pumpkin Spice related beverages, or even just writing songs for fun without the career path in mind - whatever self care means to you, make time for it so that you don’t end up feeling like all you are is a music making machine.

4. Give yourself some credit. It’s really hard to love something that often feels like it’s out to get you. But that’s what it’s like to exist in the music industry. There’s competition around every corner, there are ten rejections for every shred of praise, and it’s all based on subjective opinion so there’s basically no rules - but you carry on despite the negativity, because you love making music. That’s really fucking brave, so give yourself some credit. For a career path that demands a certain level of ego, we’re surprisingly self-deprecating people. It’s easy to brush off achievements and success because we haven’t ‘made it’ just yet, but the fact of picking yourself up and carrying on is to be applauded. Many times, I’ve looked back on the short career I’ve had so far and felt like I hadn’t achieved anything worth talking about, but that’s not true and it won’t be true for you either. Celebrate that one response in a hundred, celebrate that piece of radio play, celebrate the really good gig you just played. Most of all, celebrate carrying on despite how hard it can be.

5. Talk about it. This one may be the hardest of all, but arguably the most important. There’s nothing worse than feeling as though you’re all alone, but when you talk about it, you realise every around you is in the same boat. It’s hard out here, so opening up is a good thing. I mean, I personally believe everyone should go to therapy at some stage in their lives, but if that’s not for you, chatting to friends and family, and seeking advice from fellow musicians is always going to help. Also, check out Musicians Union and Help Musicians UK - these are organisations that specifically to support music makers, and they have some great resources available (not spon lolol). And finally, don’t be ashamed of struggling sometimes. We’re all out here doing the best we can, and opening up about it can help you and others share the load.

#musician #mental health #music #singer songwriter

1 note · View note

oovitus · 7 years ago

Text

Motivational Interviewing: The Right Questions Help Drive Behavior Change

From health decisions to job performance, evidence shows that external rewards and punishments alone won’t drive us to achieve our full potential. We must also tap intrinsic motivation — the values we have and things we do regardless of outside pressure or influence.

Helping patients get in touch with, and act on, their intrinsic motivation is central to Highmark Health’s Enhanced Community Care Management (ECCM) initiative. Specially trained ECCM nurses are embedded in doctors’ offices to work directly with patients who have especially challenging, complex health issues. Underlying their work is a collaborative, patient-centered mindset that’s less about telling you what you should do and more about understanding what matters to you and then supporting you in setting and achieving goals. Results have been promising, including 10-15 percent lower total medical costs and 30 percent lower inpatient admissions for Highmark health plan members in the program.

Mark Valenti, manager of training, education & workflow integration, led the creation of ECCM and also provides communication-related seminars and training throughout Highmark Health.

“I have a strong drive toward mastery, and toward purpose,” he says in discussing his own intrinsic motivation. “For me, it’s always been about activating other people to be the best that they can be.”

His first work experience combining communication, health and behavior change came with the Alcoholism and Family Interaction Initiative at the Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic in 1994. He went on to positions involving autism research, treatment of bipolar depression, being an office director or manager with family medicine and internal medicine practices, grant program work with the Jewish Healthcare Foundation and Pittsburgh Regional Health Initiative, and coaching parole officers on guiding behavior change in people under their supervision.

With Highmark Health since 2015, Valenti recently appeared on Mark Graban’s LeanBlog podcast to discuss Motivational Interviewing, one technique he teaches to ECCM nurses. Take a listen, and enjoy additional insights from his conversation with PR analyst Nikki Buccina and me.

https://blog.highmarkhealth.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/mgraban-20180420063122-4040.m4a

Joining Highmark Health and the Birth of ECCM

Don Bertschman (DB): There’s a strong sense of purpose through all your work in different environments. What made Highmark Health an attractive choice relative to that purpose?

Mark Valenti, Highmark Health manager of training, education and workflow integration

Mark Valenti (MV): What makes me happy here, and makes me feel activated, is the mission. I know that sounds like a publicity comment, but in some organizations I had to sell the ideas of community health, and patient-centered care, and the behavior change work I do. Here, people had already bought in to the fundamentals. When I look at what we’re doing in our communities, it’s easy to feel that this organization believes in the values I do.

Many leaders underestimate what it takes to train someone. My department, with Jo Clark as VP of Value-Based Care, and Tony Farah as Chief Medical and Clinical Transformation Officer, tells me to not only do the trainings but also get out in the field with the nurses, because there’s a recognition that training and development are the key. I’ve never worked in an organization that embraced learning and development so much. There’s a fear in most places that training takes people away from their core work. But training really has to be viewed as part of the core work they do. I’m lucky to have leadership that sees that and acts on it.

DB: There’s much to talk about with ECCM, and we will do more articles in the future to dig into the details. For now, can you give us a basic overview?

MV: As background, by 2020, as many as 81 million Americans will be dealing with multiple chronic health conditions. This isn’t just diabetes and breathing disorders and congestive heart failure, it’s often things like anxiety and depression. The overlapping conditions are often exacerbated by choices like smoking or unhealthy eating, or environmental factors like lacking access to transportation. Sometimes these people are referred to as “complex care patients” — there are complex challenges, and also much higher costs, when it comes to managing their health.

Traditionally, the U.S. health care system isn’t great at helping these people. There tends to be a check-the-box mentality. Give the patient the after-visit summary — check. Provide instructions for medications — check. These are important protocols, but no one necessarily asks what the patient thinks about their treatment, what they’re doing day to day, what’s causing them to smoke or struggle with their diet, what their fears and values are, what they want for themselves. As a result, people feel disengaged from the health care system, they don’t go to their doctors or they’re afraid to tell a doctor about alcohol use or other issues, and many chronic conditions that could be addressed effectively early just keep getting worse.

With ECCM, we proactively reach out to the top 5 percent of the most complex cases. We have specially trained nurses embedded in primary care offices who talk to the patients we’ve identified, take the time to get to know them, and work on health goals tied to the patient’s intrinsic motivations. We have so many patients say, “no one ever asked me before about what I want to do about my health.” Because we do ask, we’re seeing better results.

Nikki Buccina (NB): You were tasked with starting ECCM — could you talk more about the initial motivating factors for the organization and how the idea evolved?

MV: I joined Highmark Health as part of the Strategy and Transformation team. Complex care is one of several initiatives that are part of the organization’s long-term strategy. At the time, we were looking at about 2,300 Highmark-insured patients who had total costs of about $25 million, so the challenge was, how can we better help those patients and control costs? Dr. Sam Reynolds, then the chief quality officer at Allegheny Health Network (AHN), proposed creating a pilot program internally. He knew my experience, because I had worked with him on a project called the COMPASS Initiative, which had some overlaps with what we do now.

Jo Clark, Highmark Health VP of value-based care

ECCM started officially in September 2016, and until June of 2017 it was part of AHN. Our initial success with seven nurses led to moving the program under Highmark Health and getting Jo Clark and others involved. She has been fully behind it and we’ve continued expanding — at last count we had 30 nurses touching over 1,800 active patients at more than 70 sites.

Part of what makes us unique is that we incorporate motivational interviewing to understand and pull on a person’s intrinsic motivation — and that’s not just how we treat patients, it’s how we interact with other health care professionals.

Motivational Interviewing

DB: Tell us more about motivational interviewing, and why that’s so central to ECCM’s work.

MV: Motivational interviewing goes back to the 1980s with Bill Miller, a psychologist, in the area of helping people with alcoholism and unhealthy substance use. At the time, someone suffering from alcoholism often got labeled as “in denial” and not wanting to change. Miller’s focus was on listening to understand each person’s fears and values — because they weren’t just a label. He developed an approach based on the idea that before we start trying to “fix” somebody, we should find out who they are as a person.

With ECCM, we not only have classroom trainings on motivational interviewing and activating the patient, I also spend time in the field with nurses. And I use the same approach — it’s not “you did this wrong, do this differently,” it’s asking the nurse to tell me about the patient, understanding the nurse’s goals and what the patient wants, and then looking at how to get to that point. Our nurses report very high job satisfaction. And research shows that patients that are activated and believe they are part of their care have better outcomes — from following through on preventive measures and proper use of medications all the way up to reducing hospital readmissions.

DB: Could you give an example of how that plays out in an interaction?

MV: We had a patient, older, struggling with unhealthy substance use over many years, which caused some health conditions and he wound up in the hospital. When the doctor talked to our ECCM nurse, he labeled the person a “user” who didn’t want to change. The nurse reported that the patient told her he really wanted to make changes, which the doctor sort of dismissed as just something a “user” says. But we work from the belief that people do want to change.

I sat in on one of the nurse’s calls with this patient. Often, I don’t talk during these interactions, but I might type out a suggestion and show it to the nurse. I suggested she ask this patient simply, “What do you want for yourself?” That got him talking about how he wanted to change and also talk with younger people about the dangers of unhealthy substance use. So I suggested that the nurse ask, “What would you tell them?” And he started talking about that. He also became very emotional and told the nurse that she was a godsend because he could tell that she believed in what she did and that she actually cared about him.

Ok, that’s the engagement part of motivational interviewing, which is extremely important, but it’s only the first step. What makes this more than just great patient focus is that it’s directed toward changing behavior. So after the patient talked about what he would tell other people, the next part of the strategy was to ask how that related to him and what he could do for himself. Our approach is about focusing the conversation and activating the patient — what are your goals, what do you want to do for yourself, and then how we can support you with those goals?

NB: Do you feel like when you or the nurses talk with people, they’ve been craving someone to ask these questions, or is it more often that someone hasn’t thought about the change they need to make?

MV: Great question. Behavior change occurs when two components are present. A person must find a change important — and be confident that they can do it. What I have found over many years is that 99 percent of people have thought about and placed importance on a change; it’s confidence that’s the issue. Our health care system gets so focused on telling a patient they need to lose weight, for instance — they’re trying to sell the patient on something they already believe, and not listening to learn what would best help the patient act on and achieve their goal.

The Distracted Driver Parable

MV: Here’s an example I use to illustrate that shift in how we listen. This is about paying attention to my verbalizing and hearing that I want to make changes.

So, I pull out my phone and say, “I know that texting and driving can be dangerous, but I only look down for a few seconds if I’m on the road.” What might you say to that?

DB: It only takes a few seconds to cause an accident, Mark.

MV: That’s why I always stay five seconds behind the car in front of me if I need to check my phone.

DB: Well, it’s not just timing, there are also motor skills that present a danger.

MV: I’m careful. I have 155,000 miles on my car, and I haven’t been in an accident yet.

DB: But that doesn’t mean — I think I’m using the wrong approach here.

MV: Right! In motivational interviewing we talk about “change talk” and “sustain talk.” The idea is to listen, and ask questions, that help someone verbalize their reasons to change. In our interaction it became all about “sustain talk.” I leave feeling justified since I defended myself by verbalizing reasons I can sustain my behavior. I don’t feel engaged, because you were just correcting me and telling me what to do, so I may not come back for more conversation. Meanwhile, from your perspective, you’re thinking, “well, I gave him the information, he just doesn’t want to change.”

Now — the question is, did I say anything indicating that I had interest in changing?

DB: The first thing you said was, “I know that texting and driving can be dangerous, but….” I seized on what came after the “but” instead of the “I know” part.

MV: That’s what most people do. “I know that texting and driving can be dangerous” is change talk — which can be verbalizing a negative in the status quo of my behavior, and/or verbalizing a positive to making a change. The goal of motivational interviewing is to have me talk more about my change.

Maybe you respond with a reflective statement like, “So, you see the danger in texting while driving.” That might encourage me to say, “Yeah, you see these stories in the news all the time.” Now I’m verbalizing why the behavior should change instead of defending myself against you and coming up with reasons not to change. My behavior may not change immediately, but I’ve planted the seeds in my own mind, and I also feel heard.

This parallels what we see in medical encounters. Most providers focus on my deficits and what I’m not doing as a patient, as opposed to my strengths and the ways I’m already thinking about change. So, someone is overweight and a doctor warns them that puts them at risk of type 2 diabetes. The patient says, “I should drop a few pounds, but I’m young and diabetes effects old people.” The typical response is what we call a righting reflex — to correct the patient by saying diabetes can effect any age. Now the patient probably gets defensive, and we lose a chance to focus on “I should drop a few pounds.”

More Resources

DB: I see many copies of Daniel Pink’s book, Drive, here at Highmark Health. For someone interested in motivational interviewing, is that a good starting point? What other resources do you recommend?

MV: Drive is a good starting point because it focuses on the components of someone who is intrinsically driven. It’d be great to combine that with Motivational Interviewing: Helping People Change, 3rd edition, which talks in detail about the skills and strategies. It is clinically based, but the concepts are pretty accessible. Be sure you get the 3rd edition, which has some important updates, like replacing the word “resistance” with two separate challenges — sustain talk and discord in a relationship — that need to be addressed differently.

There are many books we embrace within ECCM. Two others I’ll mention are Emotional Intelligence 2.0 and The Speed of Trust, which breaks down trust into four quadrants. Traditionally, we think of trust revolving around integrity. This model says in addition to integrity and intent, trust depends on competencies. We may believe someone has good intentions and they’re a great person, but we don’t trust their competency in terms of capabilities or ability to follow through and get results.

Highmark Health employees can also sign up to attend our monthly “Teaser in Twenty” webinars, which provide a quick 20-minute taste of the thinking on a range of behavioral change topics.

Lean philosophy also influences our mindset, how we look at data, and the algorithms we’ve developed. What I like about Lean and continuous quality improvement (CQI) is that it’s very much about what frontline staff can use. Our ECCM philosophy is “every day closer to better” — everything we do is to get us one step closer to better. Everything that goes wrong is an opportunity to learn and understand something and make an improvement.

Motivational Interviewing: The Right Questions Help Drive Behavior Change published first on https://storeseapharmacy.tumblr.com

0 notes