#my mental health hasn't been great this year lmao

[xechoecho88x]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Welcome To The Table - Ben Brainard (Web Series) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Illinois (Welcome To The Table), New Jersey (Welcome To The Table), But only briefly - Character Additional Tags: Swearing, Angst, Hurt No Comfort, survivor's guilt, Depression, References to Depression, Mental Health Issues, Jersey gives bad life advice, but it's not his fault, all the states are messed up Series: Part 4 of home is not a what but a who Summary:

Illinois reflects on his life decisions and the mistakes that has led him to this point in his life.

(You do not need to read any other work in this series to understand this fic :) )

[daz4i]

grumbling grumpily bc i unfortunately have to admit that i am indeed getting better >:( like i actually feel excitement again for example. smh. i look forward to going out and being with people??? i am way more agreeable to trying new things and i let myself approach them with an open mind so i often end up enjoying them??? this isn't me this isn't my heart .

[ennobaka]

It sucks when you can't enjoy a movie again bc either it has aged or maybe YOU had aged. Lol

[kobebibebi]

@thegiftedau toolshed sketch(-ish)

this tfbw au has been stuck in my brain since last year, genuinely i have been thinking about it almost everyday,i cannot stress how much i think about this specific au,,, i check their profile so frequently just to see updates 😔

the designs, the backstories, the concepts, the characters, the writing AAA EVERYTHING about this au is perfect, well-executed and amazing omfg i love the gifted au so much you do not understand ��💔

there hasn't been much out from this au but it's already so great im so excited to see more fr

i drew this in class so yea i call it a sketch lmao

but yeah i have like so many wips, due gifts, and things to prioritize but my brain said gifted au fanart NOW,, so i did

also i really need to draw more of my own au :')),

ik i have to do paladin butters next (yes i can see ur asks) but school is taking all of my time it's insane how i even drew this, but ngl it's a really great au 😭

but srsly school is taking such a toll on my mental health,, it's only the second week and im already drowning in schoolwork,,,,,,,,, so i might draw more fanart of south park aus that i really really love 👀

these south park aus are honestly whats keeping me together rn

[achillean-knight]

Happy (early) New Years!

My last upload for 2025!!! It's New Years Eve for me tomorrow so it's.... not too early in terms of my timezone PFFT

--v Alota text under cut if you wanna read it! v--

But yeah, gods, how did 2024 go by so slowly but so quickly? Admittedly, 2024 hasn't been kind on me, both physically and mentally. With the stress of my sister's pregnancy carrying until August, hopefully you can understand how stressful that time period had been on us TwT

Not only that, after he was born, the.... house has become a little bit of a pigsty, so that's not great on my mental health either 💀 I've also pushed my body way too hard this year with nearly drawing at my laptop for all year straight, rendering me bedridden at one point this year just because my body was in too much pain to move. Not great at all.

For the copius amounts of stress and anxiety I endured, I gotta say there were some fuckin' EXCELLENT moments!! I went to comic con for the first time in so long, and cosplayed Michael from FNAF, joining in with photos and overall celebrating FNAF's 10th anniversary at the con with so many others! AND MY BESTIE WAS THERE TOO! Cosplaying as the puppet >:D!

We also went to the aquarium for my birthday which was so bloody lovely. AND WE SAW PESTO, the GOAT that he is KEKEK

HUEHUEHUE I ALSO FINISHED FINAL FANTASY 5 TODAY!! MEANING I have accomplished completing Final Fantasy's 4, 5 & 6 aswell as other games such as Night in the Woods, Undertale, Undertale Yellow, Deltarune and TLOZ: Echoes of Wisdom >:3

I also cannot underestimate how welcoming the Undertale and Deltarune community was to me aswell. I made so many friends and mutuals through it, I literally cannot express how much that meant to me ;w; AND AND THE METTATON COMMUNITY, YOU GUYS RULE!!!!!! ✨✨✨✨✨ This was the first time in so long I felt I belonged. So, thank you :'> I look forward to Mettaton May 2025 >:))))))

ALSO Cannot forget one last thing.... ART FIGHT. My best year yet HUEHUEHUE I loved attacking so many characters this year, and yes, I SURPASSED MY HIGHEST SCORE! I plan to go further beyond in 2025, buttttt I also won't put pressure on myself to actually achieve it.

For as mixed as 2024 has been, I learnt for myself what my new year's resolution will be for 2025. No, I won't put pressure on myself a 50 billionth year in a row telling myself to practice backgrounds LMAO

No, my New Years Resolution Is to be kind on myself. 2015 was my favourite year ever, and even if 2025 doesn't end up being as good as 2015, I wont wallow in that. But I want to make it as special as I could possibly be able to achieve. Especially in preparation for 2026.

2026 is an uncertainty for us. Our lease ends in 2026, and around Christmas is when we learn if we get another year or we're booted. If you didn't know, Australia is going through an intense housing crisis, so I genuinely fear what will happen when that day comes.

But, for now and in the present, I'm going to try and make 2025 special for myself. I want to do so much, and ESPECIALLY go to Comic Con again as Noir Mettaton PFFT But yeah. Lets hope, knock on wood, that 2025 is a good year. Better than this year atleast OIUGGGJH

[mieczyhale]

still sick, still on a lot of meds, but i can lay on my side now and sleep for more than an hour at a time so.. woo

trying to read fic til i can sleep again but it's a little bit like reading through a fish-eye lens??? but like a minor one. minor fish-eye. lowkey fish-eye?? its not that bad, but it's weird

started back on my daily meds after being off them since.. thursday?? i stop them when i get sick enough to need cough syrups and other prescriptions bc i have too much anxiety about mixing all that. this does mean my mental health hasn't been peak but lbr, it wasn't going to be anyway. who is sick and mentally thriving at the same time?? seriously.

thankfully i wasn't off them too long but uh it was enough. anxiety level is Not Great

josh finally fell asleep so i can switch back to the blizzard i was listening to from the futurama he put on. love me some futurama but i want word-less sleep sounds thank u

it's not entirely necessary but i think i'mma run the nebulizer. i haven't since new years eve and i think i've earned it. that makes it sound like a treat and not a bit of medical equipment that makes breathing easier lmao

anyway wow time is extra nothing this week huh

i'll be in and out and on and not on randomly still, nothing new there, but replies n stuff will continue to be not or off bc i am still sick. this has been an update and a.. not a warning, what's the word... a note?? a jsyk?? idk. doesn't matter lol

i feel like most of this is nonsense but it's all the effort i'm putting into this update. i just wanna get some sleep or at least rest if i gotta be awake

hope y'all's 2025 is being good to you so far ❤️

[spiralsandeyes]

I loved reading the Magnoliaverse and especially playing with matches, and one thing that I ended up very curious about was more about Michael's backstory in this au? He's one of the characters who shows up a lot and has a lot of backstory vaguely referenced but never gets a perspective to explore that so I was wondering if you'd be down to share what ideas you had for his backstory while you were writing. Thanks in advance!

omg thank you so much for this! :')) answer got long so i'm putting it under a cut <3

it's actually kind of funny that you ask this... playing with matches has always been the heart of magnolia verse to me, and future installments were/are going to focus on the characters in that fic (particularly agnes, oliver, julia and gerry, with some others). most of them have pretty detailed backstories in my mind but michael was one of the ones whose history i've actually thought less about!

i did have a few things in mind - michael had one particularly shitty relationship when he was ~16/17 that he still carries a lot of baggage from. he had crushes before that but never anything he was brave enough to act on, so it was pretty formative for him wrt his expectations for relationships. he was basically being strung along and used by a guy who didn't have strong romantic feelings for michael the way michael did for him. michael also didn't have a lot of friends growing up, or at least not since childhood, so he really wants to be loved (in any capacity, but he's particularly insecure about the romantic). going back and forth with his divorced parents didn't help with this - he stays with his mom most of the time and had to move when he was ~13-14, uprooting most of his life to a different school where he knew no one, and he never really settled in and found friends there. he's also pretty socially anxious and until meeting gerry, hasn't quite figured out how to get out into the world. he's a homebody mostly because he doesn't know how to be anything else (yet), and though he has art school friends, they aren't very close. too much of his impressions of queerness and college life were formed by the internet/popular media and he has a bit of an inferiority complex about it - he's very aware that he doesn't Do Much aside from art and feels like a loser because of it. (this is an unfortunate combo with his body image issues, insecurities about what he can offer in a relationship, and him being very much starstruck by gerry's band, leading to some of the conflict you see in playing with matches). some other random details: he's out to his parents but has a slightly strained relationship with both of them (he's closer with his grandma on his mom's side!), he has severe adhd but i don't think he knows it yet, he's been drawing for basically his whole life but recently focusing on art forms that involve more physical processes because it's good for his mental health (atm it's various forms of sculpture).

but honestly i've thought a lot more about michael's future than his past! at this point i've been telling people for years that magnolia verse is still in progress and feeling more and more guilty when a completed work fails to materialize, but i still can't stand the thought of leaving it as-is and have to believe in my ability to finish one more fic, so... there Will be one more... but probably not anytime soon and it probably won't be gerrymichael centric. so i'll just tell you about the gerrymichael fic i DID have planned lmao.

so: ex altiora goes viral and gets very popular very quickly when they finish school and release a full album. the speed of it is great for their careers and bad for their mental health. agnes and gerry really struggle with it. gerry in particular starts getting a lot of fans which makes him REALLY nervous because he's going stealth, trying to hide from his mom, and just generally not super interested in being a public sex object! this is a little bit Weird for his relationship with michael. he gets pretty (reasonably) paranoid and wants to keep his personal life very private, but michael Does Not Get It and is hurt because he feels like he's being kept a secret. he's also a little bit jealous of the attention, though he won't admit it, and is overall experiencing new depths of insecurity that he will (eventually) Finally get to process because he still thinks of gerry as the Cool One with all the power in the relationship. meanwhile gerry is so anxious and trying to cope with the spotlight of sudden internet fame/irl fame in certain contexts (i.e. shows) and feels like he can't confide in michael about it. the tension in his and julia's friendship is also reaching a breaking point around then and they have a huge fight which leads to them (gasp) speaking honestly about thoughts and feelings they've had for years! but anyway. everything gets sorted out in the end, and michael and gerry end up much happier! michael resolves his issues, gerry comes out to the world, they work out boundaries together, everyone becomes closer :)

[b0nelessdoodles]

Art Summary 2023

shoutout to the one month were i drew fanart and then everything else was just dnd content again lmao (also shoutout to me being late to posting this haaaaa)

2023 wasn't the best year for me personally. between money problems and job searching, health issues, mental health issues, unintentional discomfort at my new job, and the overall issues of the world it just hasn't been great and I felt it heavily in my creativity. I never really had any creative highs this year outside of artfight (and even then i felt like i didn't do well) which only fed into some of the issues I was having.

But looking back I am really happy with most of what I made! Sure I didn't draw much but hey I think I popped off when I did!

So here is to 2024! Already off to a good start in the art department and even if I slow down at least I've had fun so far!

(i was gonna put me gushing about things in tags but its a lot so i'm doing a read more this post is already so damn long lmao i'm sorry)

okay i'm here to gush about two pieces at a time and their contents cause then make me happy to look at so lets get started on that with march and september 'cause hey! look at the relationship development of my little goblin guy!

march was when kk (tic's best friend and now boyfriend) first appeared to the rest of the party outside of just tic talking about him. literally the entire party could see that kk was in love with tic and was just like "oh buddy sorry about that" 'cause tic was a dumbass and romance was just never something he thought about until meeting the party. then we flash forward to september where the two confessed to each other after what really felt like the end of tic's story arc. at least it felt that way to me 'cause he reached his goal of killing groll and becoming the king of goblins but i know he still has shit to do I'M LOOKING AT YOU TRAVELLER AND RIP! but yeah that was the whole reason he left and it was done. he did it! but it almost cost him kk and the two ended up having a really important talk about it. kk chewed tic out and spilled his guts and i still think about it a lot holy shit it was so good omfg but it was in that moment that it clicked for tic. that if he had actually lost kk he had no idea what he would do, that he felt like his whole life would fall apart without him. and just man it was good wholesome content. congrats to the goblins for being the first canon relationship! (even tho they were not the first confession that one goes to rhami!)

now that that block of the text is out of the way we get to more depressing ones, those being january and october with my guy, dr. cecil wilfree.

its just.... man. what do i even say about him. january was probably the last moment before his life went into a full downward spiral, eventually leading into his demise. that piece isn't even anything major but rather something like a reminder going "hey, remember when wilfree had two normal eyes? good times!" and just man (-insert that image of a horse standing on the beach-) compare that to where he's at in october and knowing what happened in those 10 months? january he still had trust and hope, he believed that he was going to get back home and help river out with his plague, maybe even get aster home if she'd let them, maybe find a way to cure himself and help casey. but by the end there was no hope and he found out that he had been used, was nothing more than a tool for someone who he trusted, despite knowing that he really shouldn't have. river was dead and it was his fault (at least in his mind it was), he had failed to protect aster and traumatized both her and willow, and he could do nothing to save an entire population from being wiped off the face of the map. and he caved under the guilt. he gave up. its sad to see him alive and pissy in january and then look at december and see a shell of the same man, no more thoughts in that head as his mind got disconnected from his body and self.

and then for extra sads we've got december which was his birth month, so i drew something from a time before the campaign. back when he was alive and well, no soul curse and unknowing of the horrors yet to come, and receiving a gift from someone whose life he could soon destroy due to his own hubris.

anyway! pay no mind to may! i didn't draw a damn thing that whole month!

[dragynkeep]

I did not just see somebody praise 13 reasons why, a show notorious for increasing suicide/self-harm rates, poorly portraying multiple mental health issues, had a season that involved rape apologist, had a character die from an STD (I believe), and had school shooter apologism get praised as a good show by somebody trying to say you shouldn’t criticize shows you don’t like.

…Actually the more I think about it, the more sense that makes.

Again, cool if you like shows like that. But like. There’s a reason people critique shows they could have liked/point out the harm they can cause. I think separating valid criticisms/harmful material acknowledgment from your enjoyment is not a great idea, nor is brushing stuff off like that as controversy.

don't forget the multiple violent rapes shown on screen with no trigger warnings, this whole show & netflix seemed to forget that trigger warnings existed until they got tired of getting their ass reamed 2 years into production!

& listen, i completely agree. i've watched 13rw, i've rewatched it multiple times — pirating ofc bc netflix can rot before getting a penny from me — & i am very much still open about how garbage this show is. i enjoy being a little hater about it because doing that opened a conversation for a lot of people about how topics like suicide, school shootings, rape & much more should be depicted in media. kind of like what being a little hater about rwby did lmao.

but like you said, brushing off the tangible harm that 13rw did as just "controversy" left a bitter taste in my mouth because this same person is doing the same in trying to pretend like rwde hasn't been calling out the abuse in rooster teeth that it's fans enabled for years. there weren't just whistleblowers, there was a whole goddamn chorus & they were gaslit & ignored for years by fans of the show.

[asgardian--angels]

Have you heard the news about Till yet? Does it ruin the band for you anyhow? I've only found out about it 2 hours ago and I'm pretty stunned :/

Hey sorry for the delay in replying to this! Yes I've been following the various goings-on. I've stayed out of the discussion on it mostly because I really don't care that much - I'm way past the point in my life where I get so attached to bands that any news of 'gasp! Male rock star is shitty to women!' would have me sobbing on the floor. I mean, my favorite band was Korn for many years, enough said lmao.

Having taken in the various perspectives, news sources, and other insights from fans, it's looking very likely that Till did not actually engage in this behavior for the particular circumstance he is being accused of. I'd be surprised if he'd really go so far as to do all of that. There appear to be multiple witnesses that deny the accuser's claims. I don't inherently take sides on this stuff, I just try to judge whatever facts are available. Rammstein is a well-oiled machine with a huge crew that try to regulate their events and make it safe for everyone. That doesn't mean things can't happen, esp when Till has separate afterparties than the rest of the band, but they've been at this for almost 30 years with very few issues.

Is Till shitty to women? Often, and I'd call him a sex addict, and from what I understand in the past several years he hasn't been surrounded with great people outside the band (i.e. his solo stuff) and they've enabled or fed the worse parts of him. He has seemingly cultured an environment around himself - largely separate from the rest of the band, at least at present - where he can engage in his preferred activities. I don't agree morally with a lot of the things he does (hell, I can't stomach most of his solo project music videos), but that's nothing new, because while he may honestly be worse on this front than in the past, he's always been like this.

But in this particular circumstance, I'm inclined to say the media is spiraling this way out of control. I hate the entire culture surrounding rock band afterparties, older men seeking out young groupies, and Rammstein's 'Row 0' antics. I'd like an outcome of this whole thing to be that they stop doing that once and for all, given that the band is in their 50s and for Till, 60s. But even with whatever headspace Till has been in recently, he has a great love and respect for his fellow band members who are like family to him - and I need not expound upon just how monumentally stupid and detrimental it would be for the whole band for him to have done something illegal here. The last time he was arrested (along with Flake) was in 1998 for one of their stage acts - he's been clean otherwise (and that whole thing was idiotic anyway on the part of the MA police), and that is a testament to his carefulness and desire to not impact the band and the lives of the band members. He got pyro certified to design their stage acts and ensure the safety of everyone during their shows after an accident in 1996 - he's a man that shows commitment and perseverance, and he is very intelligent.

This entire thing has had a massive impact on the rest of the band, with some people relating it to the Mutter era where the band was having major disagreements and almost broke up - but there, they got through it stronger with a better understanding of each other and how to work together. I do feel Till is not in a great place mental health-wise, and needs to surround himself with better people re: his entourage and personal&professional friends outside of the band, and his antics in general sometimes cast a poor light on Rammstein. I hope this whole thing forces some re-examination by Till of his lifestyle, because he himself often doesn't seem very happy (without me reading any further into things I know nothing about). I think he's treated women poorly in these environments from a ~just being shitty~ point of view, undoubtedly. But ultimately, I don't think he committed the illegal activities he's been accused of in this instance.

I hate how much of this has become about taking sides, like hashtag 'I stand with Rammstein' or whatever. I don't stand with or against anyone - I think this sucks for the rest of the band being put through this no matter the outcome, I think it will have a lasting impact on the dynamics of the band and their interpersonal relationships, and I'm glad it sheds light on Row 0 and various shitty practices that Rammstein and many bands have engaged in.

Groupies will always exist, and so aging male rockstars will probably always do this sort of stuff - plenty of female fans welcome it, seeing as no one is forced to accept an invitation to an afterparty, and any Rammstein fan who finds themselves in Row 0 knows what it's about. In general, I hear overwhelmingly positive experiences about fans meeting Till and if he was consistently poor-mannered I doubt people would hold good opinions of him. The band's made it clear (via Scheider's recent statement) that any guest is welcome to leave these environments if they're uncomfortable and will be chaperoned by security. They have a huge crew of 100+ people making sure everything runs smoothly. There are changes that I think should be made to separate and/or regulate Till's private parties (or better yet, don't have them), and I personally will never understand going to these parties, but that's just me. Less than great experiences can and do happen at those parties, but that's a far cry from criminal acts. I think Till goes way overboard much of the time esp when left to his own devices, but being a lewd ass is again, not the same as forced coercion.

Personally, I honestly just think this is a shitty way to go out, seeing as the band is taking a hiatus after this tour and I get that nagging feeling we may not see them again for a long time, or ever, at least in terms of new albums or concerts (they do have a dvd coming out in a year or two). Rammstein has always tried to shock people with controversy, but not in ways like this. Various media outlets love to jump on this band, waiting for them to slip up on anything. Even if all charges are cleared, which it's shaping up that they will, much of the damage was done to Till's reputation, with multiple collaborations dropped/promos cancelled. I hope this gives him pause and a chance to re-examine where he's at in life, and that his fellow band members can help him find support where he needs it. Again, I don't defend Till, and I don't deny shitty things may happen at afterparties. But I'm weathered when it comes to rock scandals and I try hard to stay out of the personal lives of band members. So to me whatever happens happens and I just want some lessons to be learned for all involved.

[spring-lxcked]

GET TO KNOW THE MUN.

NAME.  nicole or aspen

PRONOUNS.  she / they (i sometimes have a slight preference for one over the other day-to-day, but overall either is fine)

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION.  if you need me to respond quickly, IMs are probably the way to go. if you want to have a long-term convo/don't care about quickness, discord (nicolenostalgia) is best!

MOST ACTIVE MUSE.  currently it's obviously this rabbit bastard, but my other consistently most active muse has been kokichi (@takinghisbow). outside of him, i tend to go through periods of strong hyperfixation on specific muses. single muse blogs for me are pretty exclusively for muses i don't intend on taking long breaks from ever (outside of necessity)

EXPERIENCE / HOW MANY YEARS.  i've been rping since i was around 9 (and far too young to be freely online, but whatever). i've been on tumblr since i was ~14, but didn't start rping here until like. . . 3-4 years ago? prior to tumblr i rp'd on forums, via email with individual friends, and on furcadia (my longest experience and very defining for me ngl. i know it's, like, cringe or whatever, but <3).

BEST EXPERIENCE.  i mean, generally just the genuine friends i've made and continue to make on here. but also, to be slightly more specific, few things stand out in my memory as favorite rp moments more than the funny, crack-y, shit-posting times where me and some of my mutuals are just losing our minds. i love running jokes on my blogs, i love being @'d, i just love love love that non-serious sort of interaction sm.

RP PET PEEVE.  if you start public shit/write callouts about someone because they were slightly rude to you or you just don't like them? [cocks gun] (legally i'm joking, but i'm so glad i haven't seen this kinda shit in awhile. save it for dangerous people, please). other than that, i've had Experiences where my frequently-thirsted-after-by-fandom male muse just gets an Onslaught of ppl who will absolutely try to force ship with their OC. it hasn't happened here, but admittedly i'm like. sitting on the edge of my seat LMAO. (like, it's kinda funny but it's hella disrespectful).

PLOTS OR MEMES.  memes tend to be a better starting point for me unless you already have a specific idea in mind OR we're working off of one of our wishlist posts. i have this Thing where the moment someone asks me to plot every single idea i've ever had leaves my head fdkshfsd. the only exception to this is if it's not immediately obvious how our muses would meet. at which point, either plotting OR just specifying something in a meme you send would be great.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES.  cursed to love long replies, forced to have executive dysfunction lmao. i mean, i love interactions of any length, but i do looooove getting really into my muse's mindset and exploring it. because of mental health, tho, longer thread usually = longer wait for my reply. not always, it depends on my muse. once we're getting 5+ paras, it might be a bit of a wait (even tho i still love it).

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSES.  knee-jerk reaction was to say no abt william lmao. in all seriousness, i'd say. . . we have a similar sense of humor, regrettably. and more than that, i feel like my draw to writing muses in general who "wear a mask" and hide their real personalities has been a bit of an. . . unintentional exploration relating to my own masking. i've a only realized in recent years that i likely have ADHD (and maybe autism?), and the realization that the Me In Public is literally Not Me was. crazy. i think that, even though william is a complete bastard, there's something to writing a muse who is always performing. i mean, before i even understood what masking was i remember telling my mom that being around almost anyone irl felt like putting on a show to pretend to be "normal." so anyway me, kokichi, and william are holding hands (eurgh).

TAGGED BY. @gateway31 ( <3 <3 <3 ) TAGGING. whoever would like to do it!!

[regulus-regent]

🍍🍎🍊🍓

𝐅𝐑𝐔𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒   ♡   𝐒𝐘𝐌𝐁𝐎𝐋 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐄

    send the corresponding symbol(s) for headcanons surrounding the given topic

🍍  :    how comfortable is my muse in their body?  how do they feel about their height,  weight,  strength,  and body type?  how important is being attractive to them?  

Vegeta is very comfortable in his own body, his height doesn't bother him anymore, it mostly did when he was younger and realized Raditz was continuing to grow and he stayed the same height. It would get to him. Especially since he'd get picked on for it. But after a couple of years he got over it, allowing others to underestimate him and enjoy the satisfaction of proving he wasn't one to disrespect. Of course now adays he finds the passing mark on his height more annoying than his height itself. When it comes to weight and body type, Vegeta is very proud of it and he does enjoy the look of his own body. And although being attractive is not his focal point, he's well aware that he is. Strength is the most crucial of his self perception. While he's crazy strong he's always striving to surpass his limits. It's a core part of his identity and pride.

🍎  :    how stable is my muse’s mental health?  have they been diagnosed with any mental illnesses and  /  or conditions?  do they have any undiagnosed mental illnesses and  /  or conditions?  do they or should they attend therapy? 

While he hasn't been diagnosed (because there's no way in hell he would bother going to therapy) he for sure has ptsd, obsessive compulsive personality disorder, depression and he's got some anger management issues

🍊  :    does my muse desire romance?  is it something they would actively seek out,  or prefer to happen more  ‘  naturally?  ’  what is their love life like?  do they have any exes or past flings,  or crushes?  

He's not the type to daydream about romance, he's not waiting for anyone to come in and swoop him off his feet. If it happens it happens. He doesn't have any exes, most back in the day were flings that he doesn't even bother to remember. He does have a few crushes but he's not one to admit them lol. Currently his love life is going pretty well, got lots of ships and potential ships going on with him that are going pretty well.

🍓  :    how is my muse typically seen by others?  does it ring true to who they really are?  does their reputation matter to them? 

A bad tempered, prideful, loud, gremlin, from an outside prospective yeah lmao, he can show different side of himself but those are only reserved for those close to him and its a very tight knit circle. Oh for sure his reputation matters, he takes great pride in being recognized as a powerful Saiyan prince and a formidable warrior. Anything less than that, like for example being called soft is out of the question and he hates it lol.

[coridallasmultipass]

Update 2/2 (TW endometriosis, medical stuff, suicide mention, emetophobia)

Now, I'm sitting here in 2024, still suffering abdominal pains, but I can say definitively that it's endometriosis. It was probably some delayed endometriosis event that happened back in 2013, too. I've since had a hysterectomy, but that hasn't stopped the endometrial tissue from growing all around my abdominal cavity like spores taken to the wind. I probably went through the worst pain of my life over the past few days (what a great start to the new year), and I got to do it all from the comforts of home, because there's literally nothing they can do for me at my local ER. This has happened 3 times since my hysto. The first time it happened after my hysterectomy, I thought I had the stomach flu. I don't vomit for nothing, I have a pretty strong gag reflex. But the pain in my abdomen was so bad, I was puking. I went to the ER, and nothing came of it. I'd already been told to pipe down in this local ER before when I couldn't tolerate the pain of an IUD. So, when it hit me again a few months later, I knew it was endometriosis, and I stayed home. That pain was so bad, I would have killed myself, had I the energy to get up and find something to do it fast enough. The second time gave me PTSD so bad, I was having daily panic attacks for like a year afterward. I took up crocheting (which was previously an impossible task for me, since I only knew how to knit). My mental health deteriorated a lot. A week after this second time, I ended up going for a pelvic ultrasound before my gyn appointment, and during that, they told me I had an ovarian torsion, and carted me off to the local ER that was connected to the radiology place. The ER immediately gave me pain meds (I was still in pain, but the real 'emergency' level of pain was already over, I thought). Then they say, there's no gyn locally, so I have to go to the ER on the other side of the county. The whole time, no one explains to me how dangerous or benign an ovarian torsion is. (It's benign, it's just emergency-level of pain, and the ovary may die if it doesn't untwist, but I don't care about losing one, I still have two.) At the second ER, the gyn gives me real shit about being young and having had a hysterectomy, like she didn't approve of people deciding not to have children lmao. It was super condescending and she brought it up every time she talked. I mentioned having endo, and if I do go for surgery to fix the ovary, can they check for and excise any endo? And she goes, "Oh, NO! It's what, 10 PM? *looks at watch* I don't have time for that." LMAO. I really don't have any positive experiences with women gynecologists. All but one have been aggressively nasty to me, further cementing my feeling safer with men, despite what most people say about male gynecologists. Anyway, I didn't go for surgery, thankfully. That whole situation was just milking my status as a patient for earning the hospital system money. I went to see a regular gyn who put me on a hormone suppressing medication, and that's been working fine until January 2nd, a few days ago. (Today is the 6th). The pain I felt was so bad, I puked so many times. Before 2024, I could still count on both hands how many times I'd ever thrown up. Now I'm way past that. I was puking every night and morning as soon as I got up because the pain was so bad. Suicidal ideation through the roof. I feel like my body is punishing me for being trans, or something symbolic like that. It has literally been an 11/10 on the pain scale. I don't get to see the gyn until a few weeks from now, and it's gonna be a new one again. I have no idea what the plan is going to be now, because this medicine was supposed to completely starve off the endometrial growths by not allowing my body to produce the hormone that feeds it. But. Somehow, my body is still doing this shit. It's incredibly triggering trying to research anything about endometriosis, because it's all women-centered, or parent-centered. I hate it. Not to leave off on an abruptly bad note, but that's where I'm at. Still in pain, currently.

I make my own get well cards.

[laffitine]

Happy birthday to the loveliest, the sweetest @zorthania! GIRL I love you so much! Thank you for being you, for existing, for being my friend. For being such a sweet bean!

I hope you have a wonderful day 💕

[feelin-kinda-cocky-bmc]

Calling all BMC Writers!

Hello fellow BMC nerds :>

If this project hasn't shown up to you yet or if you're not in the Discord server, then you probably haven't heard about this project I'm working on: Feelin' Kinda Cocky!

Feelin' Kinda Cocky is a Be More Chill dating sim/visual novel where you play as Michael, and romance one of four love interests at Middleborough high (not including secret routes and possible polyamorous routes).

This game has been in production for two years now, but is stuck in the writing phase. I just recently completed Rich's route and have just started Dustin's. Not to mention, I have a bit of early-game material for Jake and Jeremy. Between school, extracurriculars, and taking care of my mental health, it has taken me a long time to write. However, I was recently prescribed ADHD meds, which will tackle my executive dysfunction. That, combined with a lofty New Years resolution, I'm aiming to get all of the writing done before the end of 2023. ...Especially because the artists for this game have been extremely patient with me, and I want them to be able to contribute sooner rather than later. Although I might have one or both of 'em draw some stuff to make the Tumblr page look nicer-

So that's why I'm here! To looks for some likeminded writers in the BMC fandom, which I know there are many on Tumblr lmao- If you're interested in helping out, there's two options right now:

The FKC Community Idea Drop:

The FKC Community Idea Drop is a Google Doc for you to just drop your ideas down. Are there any post-Squip ideas/drabbles/scenarios/dynamics you've ever wanted to see fully realized? Well throw 'em on the doc! If your idea makes it into the game, you'll be credited by whichever name you put on the doc, because I don't believe in stealing ideas. This is a non-committal way to contribute to the game at whatever pace or frequency you want. Feel free to just go wild with whatever you wanna put on there!

Link here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/134HD8ZxBILGacL5Zg165A-mU0IX3HbQqynKuyCqctIE/edit?usp=sharing

2. Joining the FKC team

Everyone who has joined the team so far (two artists and a writer) has joined completely voluntarily, purely in an effort to bring this idea to life. I feel like this is a given, but I want to make it clear that this is not a paid job for anyone involved, including myself. Just like Be Less Single, Feelin' Kinda Cocky will be published on a website and/or on Steam for free, meaning I will make absolutely no money off this game. I just want to make a fan-game with the help of my fellow fandom nerds lol

As a writer, I'm hoping we can work collaboratively to come up with storylines, route events, and dynamics between the ships. Whether you want to work on all the routes, or just focus on one ship, I'd love to work with you! I am currently one person attempting to plan out and write four separate routes, all with three different endings if you don't include secret routes, which I will write myself regardless.

I will also say, if you want to multitask (for example, be an artist or a programmer while also being a writer), go ahead.

For the writing (and the game as a whole), I want to make it clear that I care a great deal about positive representation. And I don't mean just making cute little scenes of our favorite ships (though that is absolutely apart of the game); I mean accurately depicting things like trauma, mental illness, neurodivergency, queer experiences, relationships and friendships, so on and so forth. Not only because all the things I listed are important to me, but because they're extremely important to a lot of other people, especially within this fandom.

Now, if there are any other ways you'd want to contribute to Feelin' Kinda Cocky's development, let me know! And if you have any questions at all, my inbox is always open, and so is the Discord server (linked on this Tumblr page)!

Thank you to everyone who's been with the development so far! Hopefully, this turns out awesome when it's done :)

[c4rdsharp]

meechi. since people have been sharing general 2022 retrospectives, I'll give my own : it has definitely been a year for me. It hasn't been particularly bad, but it also hasn't been particularly good. There were a lot of major changes in my life, both in my control and out of it that has caused either great joy or great sorrow. That being all said, I am in a much better place now than I ever was at the beginning of the year ; my mental health had taken a great toll last January & it wasn't until halfway through the year that I started seeing improvements. I was granted a great opportunity for 2 years of service with the Peace Corps starting in June of next year, which is super exciting and nerve - wracking all at once. I've had friends come and go, but more importantly, I've had friends returning to me from the depths of who - knows - where and it's been really great to talk to them again as I once did a year ago. That all being said, one of my best decisions was to let Alba convince me to create this blog! At first, it was really just them & Renata who were following me ( lmao ), but even then it was a lot of fun to write & I'm so happy to have had my love for Luck be rejuvenated halfway through the summer. It feels very much like a homecoming & the amount of love that's been shown to me has been more than I could ever conceive. You all are incredibly wonderful and I appreciate each and every one of you so much ; it's because of you that I've had such a wonderful way to end this year. You've all given me so many fond memories of this blog already, and it's only existed for a couple months yet. I hope this very well continues into 2023 and that we all have another great year of interactions, memes, and dash chicanery!