#my maternal grandmother was cree and ill never get to learn her history
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saw an absolutely beautiful ribbon skirt and now im hashtag sad again
#screaming crying etc#that could have been me!!#if my mother's family hadnt been so fucking awful and traumatized her to the point of separating herself from them entirely!#if she hadnt had racism and self loathing drilled into her!#my maternal grandmother was cree and ill never get to learn her history#i fucking hate that i never even got the choice#i never got to choose for myself if i wanted to keep the connection to my roots#i couldve learned to do beadwork before my hands got fucked#i couldve learned so fucking much#i couldve had community#and i dont blame her for running to be clear#she did what she had to to survive and it was the best choice she couldve made in those circumstances#but. fuck dude#i have no real hope of reconnecting at this point. i know i would look like a white bitch pretendian if i tried#and i dont want to take up space that isnt mine to take
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