#my main problem is the culture surrounding the evaluations

[astroboyanalysis]

4. His Highness Deadcross

Note for people actually following this: The slight delay in post will probably be common. I work almost every weekday and come home really exhausted so I don't normally have the energy for something like this.

While I generally don't question the order the comics are placed in in this compilation, I will say that if someone were reading Astro Boy for the first time in this order, they would probably be pretty confused right now. "But Atom is in this panel!" "Who are any of these people?"

I'm curious where the comics introducing the creation of a family for Atom will end up in the compilation. This being a serialized manga without a singular coherent storyline, this type of thing happens a lot, where it makes more sense for a story to go early, but some detail in it won't be explained fully because it's a change made in the years between whatever comics you read.

While I'm fond of the more coherent storylines of modern animation and comics, I do sort of miss serialized stories and the return to normalcy at the end of each "episode." I understand it's more common in childrens' TV, especially childrens' TV we might not think of as Artful when compared with the childrens' TV that has those storylines (thinking of like. Uncle Grandpa. That type of show.)

I think the general culture around media has shifted to one of character and story development, which is interesting. Characters and stories can still be evolved over serialized media, but it's a different approach. I remember when Wander Over Yonder was airing thinking "wow, this is a great cartoon and it's episodic instead of arc-based!"

This is a ramble. I just think it's becoming much rarer, so this problem the omnibus has to deal with is not as much of an issue anymore, at least with officially published content.

EDIT: I realized the reason for this ramble is unclear. It's much more difficult to present a coherent storyline when the changes to the main cast are episodic rather than arc-based, because the pacing would be very strange. Many times these character introductions are apropos of nothing in a larger arc or storyline, which is fine, it's just a different approach and presents a challenge when trying to create a cohesive work later, because there are many possible ways to organize the "episodes"

Genuinely Uran is so funny for this. I know this is the first time we're seeing her in the omnibus but I'm just so fond of her. Her childish but sneaky approach parallels Atom's polite near-deference with figures of authority (unless they are "evil," but at this point we don't think anything of the Pants we are being presented) Part of me believes in my heart that this is because Atom has had high responsibility for his actions - He is held accountable to a standard human children are not, and the optics of what he says and does are scrutinized somewhat. Uran has not had this, but has the same type of "free will" and lack of given purpose that Atom does. Oh yeah cobalt is there too. Hi cobalt.

Really funny visual gag where did you get that bigass weight. Don't answer. I do love that he's ostensibly working out in his free time despite this giving no real strength benefit to a robot with a set strength built in, although I do suppose getting used to how weight handles and how heavy objects throw as opposed to light objects would be extremely useful for him. Anyway. You could probably guess this but as I grew up on the 2003 Astro Boy dub, I was also a Teen Titans (2003) fan. Cyborg has a great episode surrounding the idea that strength is built in called "Sum of His Parts". I have my artistic preferences with that episode and personally would not have done everything the way it does, but the evaluation of psychology when your physical limits are perceived as set in stone is very relevant here.

We are like two pages into this one btw. I'm normal.

Another robot specific law: Robots aren't allowed to go overseas by themselves/unaccompanied by humans without a permit. This makes a bit of sense relative to robots widely being property to be protected (read: you do not want them fleeing). This was actually shown in "The Birth of Astro Boy"

See the above panel from the first comic in the omnibus.

It's also funny that they didn't just also get Atom permission on the way and were instead like. Okay Atom we're just going to do a whole trenchcoat deal. I imagine that permission to move between borders is different to acquire in different countries, and likely far more difficult in countries with more restrictive laws around robotic existence. Japan is fairly forward in robotic tech from what we see, but it's likely the bureaucratic process would take a while. Easier to just break the law. (In some regard, this can be argued as a loophole rather than an outright crime - It depends how "A Robot" is defined. One could argue that a robot is based on their singular brain, so one pass per brain, but there are robots with parts that operate independent of one another, and this would mean they would need multiple passes. This is like, really specific legal wording type issues. What is shown here indicates that this is the case, but I can't say for certain why as we don't know the law in full.)

Also, while they say overseas, it's likely more like humans needing to acquire a visa, and certain countries or borders have agreements on the issue. Japan is surrounded by water, so any other country is "overseas."

Also, pretty sure we'll see Atom go to other countries without permission.

It's funny to me that they both act like younger siblings a lot of the time because Atom is just a lot more mature and has a lot more experience in the world. Anyway Ha ha ha ha lookee! lookee!

Ban really does get some of the best reaction expressions lol

I'm not asking how they made indent footprints in what seems to be concrete or stone. I'm not.

Seems to me that this indicates some amount of standardization in robots, or at the very least, robots meant to look human, by country. This also would make sense to identify what's going on, but uh. Can't they wear shoes...? Anyway, this kind of standardization would likely be required for those roaming permits to be functional in other countries. I.E. If Canada does not agree to standardization law x394.32, the USA will rescind their robotic passage permits and any permits currently in use will be void.

If I were making an Astro Boy comic, I'd keep some element of this standardization. Just maybe not on the feet.

God I love this series so much. WE CAN'T LET HIM KNOW WE ARE BOARDING FLIGHT 0036!

MORE ON ROBOTS BEING DISALLOWED FROM HURTING HUMANS: "We had no choice" is apparently a retort to this. So it's definitely a choice-based thing and not a built-in limitation of the AI. Anyway Atom looks really nervous about having hurt a human, probably for multiple reasons, one being that his teacher is out cold, another being what the consequences would be for this law being broken - And also the optics of Atom possibly being within blame.

I have no comment on this really it's just something that's likely disallowed in other countries. Sentiments would have to be extremely positive toward robots in a country for one to be allowed to run for president, and for them to win ).

This would be one of those countries with lax robotic laws I mentioned earlier.

.

Actually gruesome as hell

Another progressive robot law Gravia had that allowed this to happen, robots can vote. I sort of doubt this is the case in other places, but I'm not sure within the initial run of the manga.

Rag your minister just kicked a human in Japan like. For not even that much reason he could have just run faster instead.

Puts you in my torture chamber I devised full of polyester balls and pours water into it, half-crushing you (but not to worry, it's a comic strip, after all.)

Our first actual portrayal of a hate group, the Deadcross Society.

SPROING. I love the ZERO pause between "how can I meet him?" and Atom just using the window immediately.

I believe this is Atom Using An Unopened Window As A Door #1 of our read through. I suppose it indicates synthetic robot skin is more difficult to cut than human skin since he's so willing to jump through windows, but he's not really worried about his clothes either. So who knows.

Atom is highly capable in robotics. This is not new it's just the first we're seeing of it in the read through.

Also, Rag is really fruity about this. Strange two panels.

I know I add this kind of thing a lot but I love this detail. Looking forward to seeing it disregarded later <3 (Said with genuine love)

While simplified (because it's a kids manga), this is a pretty realistic and also like. realistically dark (? I don't know how else to describe it. It parallels how messed up they are in real life too with real tactics) portrayal of a hate group. The explicit "The fear this and the attacks put into you is with the intent of making you resign and return to subservience" is good for kids to see, I think.

Future technology. I do agree in the world of Astro Boy it's probably much more possible to have a realistic 3-dimensional display of something, which we haven't actually really acquired yet in the real world. That said, in this case, it can't be touched or interacted closely with (It's like a stage, you just can't step past the screen and into the scene), whereas something like Pluto shows holograms that can allow for closer investigation of detail. Looking forward to analyzing how other Astro Boy media approaches this type of technology.

Having to plan ahead and conserve energy for later things is notable since if two things happen one after the other he just runs out. He conserves energy even during combat if he thinks there will be More Combat After That.

Most days he probably hardly uses any though, assuming he doesn't fly to and from school.

Fucked. Jesus Christ. (no pun intended)

his beutiful eyes

.

Post to be continued in a reblog. Guess who hit 30 images. I'm so silly goofy like that.

[its-ohsoquiet]

y’all are telling me... choosing a high pressure university environment... will make me feel pressured? and stressed??

[randomshyperson]

Wanda Maximoff x Reader - I bet i love you

Gif if not mine, but i swear she looks prettier every time i look at her.

Summary: Prompt based from @ecruzsalaz: The one where Wanda is popular, and Reader is a nerd. The popular kids do a bet that Reader will fall in love with Wanda. Everything will be reveal after their trip. 

Warnings: Light angst, kissing, teasing, underage drinking, lies, Vision being an idiot completely out of canon.

Words:  13.446 k /// Read on AO3

Notes: I don’t even know what happen here. I’m been busy and this took a lot of days to be done, but it’s finally here, hope @ecruzsalaz will be satisfied haha. Good reading everyone and apologies for any typo, it sucks to translate so many words. There are a few pop culture references, i wonder if anyone will catch those.

Marks (if i forgot your name tell me i’m lost):  @mionemymind @abimess

In your last year of high school, you just wish things would be peaceful.

The previous years hadn't exactly been ideal, since you were surrounded by assholes, but you are optimistic.

Your small, select group of friends, consisting of exactly two people, who you could swear were probably the only decent human beings left in West View High School, were currently the only reason you still wanted to go to high school.

Right now, for example, you were sitting in the outer cafeteria, a book of historical fiction to escape reality plus headphones with some old rock music that you weren't really listening to, since you were so focused on the story you were reading. And then someone pulled on your headphones, and you looked up ready to complain, but the mischievous smile of your best friend Bruce Banner was all you could find.

- I've been calling you for five minutes. - He said, sitting down on the stool in front of you. You smiled, apologizing, and put your cell phone on the table. - No problem, you always do that.

You laughed awkwardly, closing the book while Bruce put his backpack on the table.

- Where is Mon? I haven't seen her today. - You tell him, but Bruce shrugs. 

- Maybe her mother changed shifts again. - He comments, and you make a noise with your mouth of agreement. Whenever Maria, your friend Monica's mother, switched shifts at work, she would be late for first periods. It has been like this since primary school.

- You still haven't let me see your schedule. - You told Bruce with a slight frown, and he laughed, going through his pockets. Then he took out his cell phone, fiddled with the screen for a few seconds, and then handed it to you. You read the attached class schedule with a frown. - Bruce! You didn't sign up for half the classes you took last year?

He shrugged, running his hands through his hair.

- Yeah, I think I'll focus more on what I want for college. - He explained a little shyly. - I was getting too anxious about all that stuff. And honestly, you should have done the same.

You made a grumbling sound with your mouth, and started biting your thumbnail as you finished looking at the schedule. You would barely have any classes together. And then you handed the cell phone back to your friend.

- I would do it if I had any idea what I wanted to major in. - You tell him. - It's better to have several interests on the curriculum, so I'll have more course options.

- You can also develop burnot. - He remarked with mild irony, and you laughed, looking away.

The bell for the first class then rang, and the two of you exchanged a look before getting up. Bruce kissed you on the cheek before heading in the opposite direction, and you grumbled lightly as you picked up your book and walked to the chemistry labs.

In the hallway of the main building, a few meters before the entrance to the lab, someone bumped into you. It was one of the boys from the team, who was laughing at something his colleague said. Your notebooks fell to the floor, and the boy looked at you with contempt.

- Watch where you're going weirdo. - He warned and you rolled your eyes.

- You're the one who bumped into me, you brute. - You grumbled angrily. The boy just laughed and walked away.

After picking your books, you stood up. The athletes at your school were jerks, but you didn't blame only them for their arrogance. The rest of the school, including the faculty, treated them as gods, so they behaved as such.

Sighing with impatience, you entered the chemistry labs, wishing that the day wasn't long.

Darcy Lewis had been your chemistry partner for three years. You smiled as you greeted her and sat down next to her. You were not friends, but she was very kind and extremely intelligent. You really thought you were very lucky to have her as your partner, and then, as if the universe would like to laugh at you, Professor Nakia announced that she was switching partners.

The whole class let out a chorus of dissatisfaction, and one student asked aloud.

- Please, Professor Nakia, we have been working with the same people for three years. Why change now?

- Excellent question, Miss Quinn. - Nakia said, smiling. She was at her desk, finishing putting her materials on top. - Three years is more than enough time for you to create tricks to cheat on my exams. 

The room exchanged complicit and guilty looks, and the teacher kept a serious posture.

- The school board found evidence to indicate this. - She explains. - I was very disappointed to learn that there were students cheating on the evaluation method not only in this class, but in several others. You will notice that all teachers with fixed groups will rotate them from now on. This was a decision made by the principal.

You rolled your eyes, annoyed that you would lose your amazing partner and were running the chance of ending up with someone irresponsible or slacker, just because some kids were careless at cheating. The room let out a chorus of understanding, and everyone began to move around as the teacher indicated the new groups. You ended up sitting with a guy named Vision, who you didn't really know, but you knew was quite popular because he was class speaker, and head of the fencing club.

- Hello, dear. - He greeted you as he sat down, putting his coat on the chair. Vision dressed very well; he was part of the group your classmates called "preps”, even if he was usually hanging out with jocks.

You made a noise with your mouth in greeting, but he didn't seem to mind your lack of sociability. 

Fortunately, Vision was a decent chemistry partner. Although he was bossy, and had a habit of interrupting or explaining as if you were stupid, he was intelligent and knew how to do the experiments. You thought that was enough, since you would only have to put up with him in this class.

Feeling a glance at you, you raised your eyes from the notebook, and were slightly startled to notice Vision looking at you with amusement and curiosity, you frowned ready to ask what's wrong, but then he let out a dry laugh.

- I knew I knew you! - he declared. - You're the Presley freak!

Vision laughed lightly nostalgically, and you felt your face flush, turning your attention back to your notebook. He was talking about the Halloween party in freshman year, where you dressed up as Elvis Presley and the track team decided to nickname you "Presley Freak" for the next whole year. The teasing died down after a while, but Vision brought it back as if it were a good memory.

Fortunately he just shook his head with amusement, and didn't mention it again. When class was over, he didn't say goodbye on his way out, but you didn't care.

//-//

The story that all the teachers followed the new norm of switching partners was true. In History, you lost your partner Bucky Barnes to sit with Natasha Romanoff, equally quiet and intelligent. For the most part, you are satisfied with the partners you got. 

But then in fourth period, biology class, you ended up partnering with someone you never imagined.

Wanda Maximoff was one of the most popular girls in school. You didn't really know her. You were classmates during elementary school, and you even became friends with her twin brother in elementary school, Pietro Maximoff, before he became a complete idiot. But other than that, you didn't know much about her. Although you had a strange sympathy for the girl. Unlike the group of girls she hung out with, Wanda never tormented you at school. Or your friends. She was probably fake and sneaky like the others, but she left you alone, so you had nothing against her.

You were pulling your biology book out of your backpack as the teacher announced the new pairs, and you stopped in mid-motion when she said Maximoff and your name.

Wanda sat down beside you the next moment, smiling politely. You shook your head slightly, dropping your backpack on the floor.

Wanda was surprisingly nice. You didn't talk about anything unrelated to the subject, but she was quick enough to catch your ironic glances when Professor Darkholme made an inappropriate comment or a funny remark, and match it with a smile or a look. 

As the class came to an end, Wanda nodded slightly at you, and you smiled back before gathering your materials.

It had been four months since classes had started, and you were already used to your new partners in class. 

Vision was inconvenient in many comments, as if he took pleasure in recalling your most embarrassing moments in high school, but you learned to change the subject quickly whenever this happened. All you had to do was pretend you didn't know about some subject he mastered, only to hear him explain it to you in the most arrogant manner possible for the next few minutes, effectively distracting him.

Natasha Romanoff was exceptionally sarcastic and ironic, and you sometimes you felt that she was a more aggressive female version of your former partner Bucky Barnes. She was quite individualistic, and you had to make an effort not to get left behind, or you had to constantly remind her that you were a duo, but otherwise she was a good partner, and you were happy to invite her to lunch with you, which eventually became a habit after a week.

And then you had Wanda Maximoff. You weren't friends, but you had a strange kind of complicity as biology partners. You never would have guessed that Wanda would have a sense of humor so similar to yours. Two classes in a row, and you already had inside jokes about the way Ms. Darkholme caught the attention of her students. Two weeks in, and you two knew how to cheat your way through assignments. You didn't know how to make friends, and judging by the history of who Wanda was hanging out with, you had the impression that she wouldn't want to develop any kind of relationship with you. And honestly, this was your last year, you wouldn't see these people again, so you were more than satisfied to have just one good lab partner.

With the mid-winter vacations approaching, you were looking forward to getting some rest.

Non-Reader Pov

- God, Wanda, why are you talking about that weirdo again? - interrupted Vision impatiently. His girlfriend blinked in confusion, looking away awkwardly.

- I'm just commenting on a joke we…

- Really, Wanda? - He interrupted again with an accusing look. - It seems like all you do lately is "comment" on your little jokes in class. - He sneers as he settles down on the sofa. The two of them stand together outside the school, their group of friends watching the discussion with amusement. - I don't know why you talk to her at all. She is so silent and awkward with me in chemistry class.

Wanda bites the inside of her cheek, looking forward. 

- I think your girlfriend has a girl crush. - Tony Stark sneered next, making everyone laugh. Wanda frowned, feeling her heart race.

- You are an idiot. - She grumbled impatiently, crossing her arms. Vision looked at her curiously.

- Honey, don't tell me that you actually appreciate that girl? - he asks ironically, and Wanda rolls her eyes without looking at him. Vision laughs. 

And then Tony is holding out a craft-paper covered bottle to Vision, and he takes a sip, coughing slightly afterwards. Wanda frowns at the scene, but none of her friends seem concerned that they are drinking during school hours, as the bottle continues to pass in everyone's hand.

- You know, I think it's sweet that you have sympathy for that freak. - Tony comments a moment later and Wanda tells him to fuck off, making him laugh. 

- I think we are witnessing a beautiful love story. - Mocks Pepper, Tony's girlfriend, approaching the three of them as she sits on Stark's lap. Wanda rolls her eyes, as the group laughs. And then Vision has a thoughtful expression.

- I have an idea. - He says slightly drunk, as he throws his arm around his girlfriend's shoulders. - Let's make a bet.

Tony and Pepper let out excited exclamations, while Wanda frowns.

- What kind of bet?

- Well, you guys remember when the weirdo dressed up as Presley for Halloween, right? - he asked, and Tony and Pepper laughed, agreeing. - And then Pietro saw her kissing that girl who hang with the bikers, Jones something.

- Jessica. - Pepper clarified before taking another sip of her drink. 

- Then we know she's a dyke. - Vision says, but Tony frowns.

- Wasn't she dating that guy with the long hair and the angry face? 

- Barnes? - Vision asked and Tony nodded. - I don't think so. Anyway, she is into girls. - he said and the group nodded in agreement. - I mean the bet is this: I can prove that she is just like everyone else in this school. Give her a bit of our attention, and she will be completely obsessed.

- Vis, what are you talking about? - Wanda asked, and Vision laughed ironically.

- It's very simple, love. - He says. - You are hot. Everyone knows that, and even someone like her, who pretends not to be part of the social circles of this school, can see that. - He clarifies, and the group looks at him intently. Wanda doesn't say that she doesn't like being objectified, swallowing the bitter feeling in her stomach. - So my bet is that you win her over. It should take what, one or two dates for her to be completely in love with you.

The friends laugh in irony and Wanda thinks she should follow, but only a forced laugh escapes. Because of the alcohol, no one notices.

- This is ridiculous. - Wanda comments and then Vision looks at her with irony.

- Unless you're getting attached to the girl, dear. - He sneers, and the group laughs. Wanda swallows dryly, shaking her head in denial. - So, what's the problem? You'll just prove me right. And you will realize that there is nothing special about her. 

- I think we can make this even more fun. - says Tony with a wicked smile. - I bet you a hundred bucks that Wanda will fall in love too.

Tony sneers and the group laughs with irony.

- As if anyone would even like that girl. - Vision declares, accepting another drink. 

- How do we make sure it's working? - Tony asks and Vision bites his lip thoughtfully. Then he lets out an exclamation.

- Our trip! - he says, and then turns to Wanda. - Love, invite the weirdo to the cabin! We can watch you work.

Wanda frowns, but then the group is suggesting ideas of conquest, and laughing, and debauchery, and she hates it. But she smiles, and nods in agreement, accepting the liquor as the bottle comes into her hand.

Reader Pov

You intended to study during the winter vacations. And maybe get out of the room a little if Bruce or Monica visited. Your surprise was genuine when in your last biology term, Wanda Maximoff started talking to you about something other than the subject.

- Hey, are you doing anything this holiday? - she comments amiably. You didn't notice the looks Tony Stark was giving you two from the front seat. 

- Huh... No?

- Are you asking me? - She replies with a smile. You blush, looking away at your notebook. Wanda bites her cheek, and it takes a moment for her to speak again. - I wanted to invite you to something.

You blink in surprise, looking at Wanda. She looks away from the board for a moment, as she wiggles her fingers against her own thigh.

- My friends and I are spending the holiday in a cabin. - She clarifies. - There's all this winter activities, you know. Skiing and stuff like that. I'd like you to come.

- Why? - The question slips out a little harshly, but you can't help it. Wanda looks away, and you almost apologize. But then Wanda smiles, shrugging.

- I'd like to get to know you better, I guess. - She says. - I think it would be fun if we could be friends outside of class.

You look at her suspiciously for a few seconds. But then you sigh, looking down at the notebooks.

- Alright, Wanda. - you say after a moment, ignoring the growing anxiety in your stomach. - Is it okay if I bring a friend?

- Of course! - She confirms excitedly. - You can take whoever you want, it's a big place. 

The teacher gives a warning for side conversations next, and you shut up. You blush when Wanda approaches you to write down her phone number in her notebook. You are distracted enough not to notice her blushing slightly when Tony Stark gives her a mischievous look. 

//-//

- So you actually said yes? - Bruce asked with surprise when you told him about the biology class, while you were having lunch together in the cafeteria. Monica had the same expression.

- Yes, and I would love it if you would go with me, because I think I am close to completely freak out. - You ask with mild desperation and your friends laugh. And then Monica is looking behind you.

- Look, I would be too. They are so... - She starts and you turn around, looking at the group of Wanda's friends a few meters away. The kids are sitting at the table, making noise with their loud laughter. One of them was throwing a football up in the air. A short boy walked past them and was pushed slightly. - I can't even define them.

You let out a grumble, laying your head on your arms on the table.

- This was a bad idea, wasn't it, guys? - you ask. - They're going to eat me alive.

- Why the long faces, nerds? - Natasha asked as she came over to the table, placing the tray of food next to Monica, staring at you. 

And then your friends explained it to her, and you groaned in dissatisfaction when she started laughing.

- You've lost your mind, haven't you? - she asked wryly. - It's a trap, I'm sure.

- There's no reason for it. - You retorted, trying to eat a little. - Besides, it was Wanda who invited me. She said she'd like us to be friends.

- Look, I know that Maximoff is the least worst of the bunch. - Nat began as she opened her soda. - But she still hangs around with those idiots. 

- Yeah, I know. - You agree with a sigh. And then you remember your classes. - I just... She has been surprisingly nice, you know? I think she was being sincere. It's just a trip, it's not the end of the world.

- Good to know you think that. - said Bruce. - Because I won't be able to go.

- What? - You then exclaim.

- I applied for an internship at S.H.I.E.L.D. Labs. - He remarks and you let out a grumble, remembering.

- Shit, it's true. - You say. - I completely forgot about it.

- Girl, I can't go either. - Informs Monica with a guilty expression, and you let out an exclamation. - I'm going to spend the holiday with my father.

You bury your face in your hands. And then you risk a glance at Natasha, and she laughs wryly.

- Don't even try. - She says. - Even if you paid me I wouldn't travel with Tony Stark.

- I'll pay you.

Nat laughs at your desperation, and stops eating, looking at you with surprising kindness.

- You, girl, are adorable and kind. A nerdy cute dork, and I'm sure that if that's not enough for those idiots, they're the problem, not you. - She assures you, and you smile wryly. - Don't worry about pleasing any of them, you're going to become friends with Wanda, aren't you? Try to enjoy the trip, and if anything happens, call me and I'll finish them all off.

You laugh, nodding slightly. You don't want to think so much about this trip, but you know it's going to be the only thing on your mind for the next few days.

The week ended quickly. And you were very anxious when the weekend arrived, and you received a text message from Wanda saying that she would pick you up at home on Saturday morning. You would spend the holiday at the Stark family's winter cottage, a property big enough to fit the whole group. Wanda said it was somewhere with mountains, near a lake, and you bit your lip, wondering if you should bring a bathing suit. Since it was snowing, you figured you wouldn't try to swim anywhere.

On Saturday you were up bright and early, your bags packed. You kissed your parents and your younger brother on the cheek before you left, finding a pickup truck parked in front of your house.

Wanda hugged you when you said good morning to her, and to the boys. Vision and Pietro were in this car, and she said that Tony was in the second car, and had gone for gas.

Vision drove towards the cabin next, and he tried a little small talk before shutting up. Wanda was in the passenger seat, and Vision let his hand rest on her thigh, and you didn't understand the bitter feeling in your stomach.

- God, put on some decent music! - asked Pietro, scrambling up on the seat beside you to reach for the radio.

- Leave it, Pietro! - complained Vision pushing the boy backwards. - You only want to play that emo shit!

Pietro laughed, not insisting. And Vision looked at you through the rearview mirror.

- Let's let our guest choose the music. - he said with a smile. You cleared your throat. 

- Okay. - You agreed, pulling your cell phone out of your pocket. You turned on Spotify next, and when Vision asked if it would be any longer, you bit the inside of your cheek. And then you put on some pop rock.

Nobody said anything, and you thought that somehow you had just passed some kind of test. But then your set list started, and when the classic rock song from the 50's started playing, Vision burst out laughing.

- They don't call you Presley Freak for nothing. - He scoffs, switching to the radio next. 

- I like it. - Wanda comments surprising you, but neither Vision nor her brother change their debauched posture.

- Yes, yes, your taste is terrible too. - He replies with irony. You bite your lips as you watch Wanda roll her eyes and look away to the window. Vision lets Pietro choose the music next.

The cabin was really very big. 

You guys met Tony's car on the way, but he didn't stop. It didn't take long for you to arrive. You smiled in appreciation at Pietro when he carried your bags inside.

You looked at the structure impressed. Tony Stark really was very rich. Hugging your arms lightly after feeling the cool breeze, you smiled politely at Wanda's other friends as they greeted you.

- I am Pepper Potts, and this is Steve Rogers and Sam Wilson. - says the blonde girl cheerfully, as she waves to the other boys. - You must have met Tony by now.

- I think I've seen all of you at school. - You say feeling out of place, but they smile as they walk into the cabin. Tony hands the bags to the other boys, and then is throwing an arm around your shoulders, and you want to push him away for the inappropriate contact.

- It's a pleasure to meet you, sweetie. - He says, and you blink when you feel the alcohol. - Who knew that nerds hid pretty girls with them?

The joke makes the group laugh, and you look around uncomfortably. Tony then releases you as you enter. 

Pepper is the one who shares the rooms, and you are happy to know that you won't be sharing with anyone. 

While you are unpacking upstairs on your bed, Wanda joins you.

- Hey. - She greets me as she enters and closes the door. You're folding your clothes.

- Hi, Wanda.

- Is everything okay? - she asks and you nod in agreement. - They can be a bit much sometimes, and I don't want you to get uncomfortable and... Do you like "Bewitched"?

The sudden question startles you and you blink in confusion. Wanda nods at the item in your hands. The T-shirt you are folding has the logo of the old sitcom you used to watch with your parents.

- Oh yes. - You sigh in agreement. - It is one of my favorite shows actually.

Wanda laughs in surprise, crossing her arms.

- Wow, I didn't know that. - She says. - I love this stuff. Vision thinks the jokes are stupid, so don't tell him I'm talking about it.

She jokes and you let out a wry exclamation.

- Why would I tell Vision anything? - You ask and Wanda hesitates slightly, but then smiles.

- No, it was just a figure of speech. - She clarifies as you fold your shirt.

- Right. - You say, not really understanding this conversation. - If you want, we can watch it together anytime. I think we'll have time to do it here.

Wanda looks at you with surprise and excitement.

- Really? I'd love to. - She confirms, and you smile as you finish packing. 

The redhead clears her throat afterwards.

- I just wanted to check on you anyway. - she says. - I think Steve is cooking dinner tonight, so join us when you' re ready.

- Okay, Wanda. - You say. - Thanks.

She smiles before leaving. You stare at the Bewitched's T-shirt on your bed for a few moments before you leave.

Steve tries to cook some chicken breast. And he almost burns the kitchen down. So you are on your feet, investigating the cupboards, and although cooking is not your favorite activity, you don't mind making some chili for everyone. 

- I love Mexican food. - Wanda comments excitedly as she stands next to you and watches you cook. The rest of the group is in the living room, the boys being very noisy as they throw a soccer ball around the room. You smile at the redhead next to you. 

- God, did you see the picture that Tabitha Smith posted on instagram? - Pepper asked aloud, staring at her cell phone. She was sitting on the kitchen counter, a look of disgust on her face. Wanda approached her and quickly looked at the screen. - She put on silicone, I'm sure of it. 

Wanda made a noise of agreement, exchanging a quick glance with you, clearly not caring one bit about the topic, and you smiled, turning your attention back to the pot. Pepper didn't notice and continued making comments about her classmates' social media posts.

- It's ready. - You announce. Your breath catches in your throat as Wanda puts her hand on your waist, leaning behind your back to taste the food. She lets out a satisfied groan, and you feel her cheeks flush.

But then she walks away next, and you struggle to disguise yourself as the boys are joining you, announcing that they are starving. 

- Wow, this is delicious. - said Pepper as soon as you sat down at the table and started to eat. The group agreed, and you blushed with embarrassment. Soon they started talking among themselves, and you tried to keep up as best you could, but the topics weren't really of interest to you.

When you got back to the room, Tony proposed that you all play a game, and then he went through the storage room and came back carrying monopoly.

At first you thought it would be innocent fun, then there were drinks and gambling. 

- It's a four! - shouted Tony excitedly. - That's my property, Wilson! 

Sam let out a grumble of dissatisfaction as he moved his figure around the board. Tony laughed mischievously.

- So, how do you want me to pay the rent?  - Sam asked and Tony made a thoughtful face. 

- With a question. - Tony announces maliciously. - Among the people in this room, tell me who would you have sex with?

Sam laughs in surprise, as the group gives a chorus of excitement. You swallow dryly, uncomfortable with the direction of the questions. So far, the questions and challenges had been innocent and slightly awkward, but after a few beers, the group was clearly getting more excited in other respects.

- Careful with your answer, friend. - Vision warned, putting his arm possessively around Wanda's shoulders. You looked away to the board.

- That might be shocking for a straight guy, Vis. - Sam remarked with mild debauchery. - But not all of us are looking at the girls.

The group laughs in surprise, and Vision rolls his eyes. 

- I would do Steve Rogers for sure. - Sam declares the next moment, and the group lets out a celebratory chorus. Steve laughs too, slightly surprised. Sam just smiles playfully, shrugging his shoulders. Then Steve steps forward, amusing himself by pretending to kiss him, and the group laughs. You smile awkwardly, not really understanding what everyone thinks is funny.

The game continues, and you are doing very well. You laugh when Pepper has to tell you all about the worst sexual experience she has ever had, but you are slightly uncomfortable when Steve has to demonstrate on a pillow his first time. A few rounds later, you grumble in dissatisfaction when you take a five and end up in jail.

- Whoa, that's has a punishment. - Tony announces when he sees your move. You look at him, and he looks excited. - Finally, Presley, your moment has come.

- Tony. - Wanda scolds him for his nickname, but Tony doesn't listen.

- Let me think about it. - He continues with a thoughtful expression, and then a mischievous gleam takes over his gaze. - Have you ever heard that shy girls are the biggest freaks in the room? 

You swallow dryly, feeling your face heat up as the group lets out a laugh. 

- I will not...

- Don't even start. - Tony interrupts your denial with a smile. - Don't spoil the fun. I'll give you a simple challenge.

You bite the inside of your cheek, frowning as you fight the urge to get up.

- Your sentence of freedom will be to give a hickey to the person who gets a six on the dice. - He declares, and the group lets out a chorus of excitement.

And then everyone is rushing to throw the dice and you cross your arms, feeling your face hot.

- If more than one person gets six, you'll give them both a hickey and win immunity for a round! - Tony laughs as he makes up the rules.

Pepper is the first to play, and lets out a despondent sigh when she draws two.  And then Steve plays next, and complains when the die lands on four. Sam and Tony don't get six either. You hold your breath when Wanda rolls, and feel your heart race when the die stops.

- This should be interesting. - Vision comments with mild irony and mischief as he takes his arm off Wanda's shoulders, picking up the die stopped at six. Tony laughs and you can't keep your eyes on the redhead.

Vision gets a four. And then Pietro gets a six, and you grumble.

- I can't believe you're going to get both of the Maximoffs! - Wilson comments with amusement and you swallow dryly, shifting uncomfortably in your seat.

- Finally some action. - Pietro jokes as he approaches. He kneels in front of you, and you take a deep breath. - Come on, Y/N, it's just a silly challenge.

He tries to reassure you with a smile, and you try to ignore the staring eyes on the two of you. You think the boys are laughing as you bring your face closer to Pietro's outstretched neck, and land your lips on his skin. He smells like aftershave lotion, but it's just embarrassing to be so close. Pietro lets out a breathless chuckle as you begin to suck on his skin, and he clenches the support of the couch.

You stop quickly, and he pulls away. The red skin glows on his neck. He flashes you the seductive smile, and you look away, listening to the group celebrating. 

- Next, please! - Tony says clearly intoxicated. You feel your racing heart echoing in your ears. Wanda gets up from the couch, and unlike her brother, she completely short-circuits your brain when she sits on your lap. You think someone whistled.

- Wanda, what are you doing? - You mumble clumsily, and she just smiles as she puts her hands on your shoulders.

- Don't you like this position? - she asks and you swallow dryly.

- Come on, girls! - Tony tells you between laughs. Someone knocks over the vodka bottle on the floor, making a mess. You think the group is barely paying attention to you, fighting among themselves to save the rest of the board and Tony's expensive rug, but you're not really taking in anything other than the girl on your lap.

You move forward, sinking your face into her neck and inhaling Wanda's scent. When you let out your breath, she trembles and squeezes your shoulder lightly, making you swallow dryly.

You let your lips kiss her skin, watching Wanda's chest rise and fall, indicating her unregulated breathing. And then you lick her skin, and she chokes. When you suck on her skin, she bites her lips hard, stopping herself from moaning.  And then you let go.

Ignoring the urge to kiss the red dot again, you throw your back against the armchair, moving away. Wanda lets out a breath, and before you can say anything, Tony is complaining that the game is over because the board has been ruined, and she rushes off your lap. 

Your face is very hot when Sam makes a snide remark to you, and then you are all saying goodnight. You don't have the courage to look at Wanda when you go up to your room.

//-//

The next day you go skiing. 

You absolutely suck at it, but so does everybody else, so nobody really cares. 

You don't want to think so much about Wanda's hands on your waist when she teaches you how to do it.

You also don't want to be so annoyed when Vision insists on getting a kiss from her while you are walking back to the cabin.

During the afternoon, you are distracted by a video game with Pietro, extremely surprised that he has invited you to do something. After dinner you go back to your room to read a little, and are astonished when Wanda appears at your door a few minutes after you have gone upstairs.

- How about we watch a sitcom together? - She invites you in, and you shrug as you smile, making space for her to enter your room. She giggles when she notices the open book on your bed. - Of course you brought a book.

You laugh awkwardly as you close the door. Wanda throws herself on your bed, opening the laptop she has brought with her. You take the book out and place it closed on the dresser, before joining her, trying to keep a respectable distance.

She ends up putting on Bewitched, and you are distracted enough by the program.

- Wow, that's kind of wrong. - You comment between giggles. And Wanda laughs lightly, turning the program's attention to you.

- What?

- The joke. - You clarify. - The way they imply that it's okay for boys to behave like that.

- Yeah, I know. - She agrees, turning her attention back to the screen. - But we're still laughing.

- Yeah. - You agree, laughing. - I guess it's okay as long as we don't find it funny in real life.

Wanda makes a noise of agreement with her mouth and then you are silent again. 

Two episodes later, Wanda suggests that you eat something. Then you go downstairs to the kitchen, and find the room empty. 

- Pietro had called the boys to play soccer. - She says. - And I think Pepper and Tony are in their room.

You nod in understanding, following her around the kitchen. Wanda starts preparing a snack for you two.

- What is it? - You ask as you observe her choice of ingredients. She smiles mischievously.

- My masterpiece. - She says. - Just trust me, you'll like it.

You laugh, nodding. When she warms the bread rolls, and starts to pour oregano on top you let out an exclamation.

- Wanda, are you sure you know what you're doing? 

She laughs, shaking her head slightly.

- Trust me on this. - She asks with a smile, starting to cut tomatoes. You cross your arms, not believing that you are actually going to eat that.

And then the sandwich is ready, and Wanda assumes a cheerful posture. She puts the bread on a plate and turns to you, leaving the object on the counter beside you.

You take a piece while she takes another, and together you taste the sandwich while Wanda looks at you expectantly.

It's surprisingly good, and you blink in amazement when you feel the taste, looking away from her to the food.

- Wow, that's good. - You comment before taking another bite. Wanda smiles.

- Really? I'm glad you like it. Vision doesn't like it very much, he says it tastes strange.

You grumble lightly, continuing to eat. Wanda pours you two some soda. You are silent for a moment and when she leaves the phone on the countertop to wash the dishes, your gaze runs quickly across the screen as you reach for your glass.

- Hey, are you into poetry? - you ask as you look at the open Instagram post.

Wanda smiles, nodding.

- That's cool, I think we follow the same page. - You comment quickly pointing to her unlocked cell phone. Wanda looks surprised.

When she finishes washing the dishes, she asks to borrow your cell phone. You spend the next thirty minutes laughing and joking as you compare your Instagram feeds and follower list. You don't want to overthink on how many common interests you have with Wanda.

//-//

On the penultimate day you want to build a snowman.

There is a Hockey game on TV, and everyone seems excited to watch. So you just walk out of the cabin while Tony hands out snacks and drinks to everyone.

You are just finishing assembling the body when you hear footsteps.

- You are very antisocial. - Wanda jokes as she approaches, hands in her pockets. You don't want to think about how adorable she looks.

- Yeah, I know. - You comment with your attention on the snowman. - It's not your friends' fault, by the way, I'm just not a big sports fan.

- All right, I don't see what's so funny about it either. - She says as she stops beside you. - Can I help you with him?

- Let me see your hands. - You ask, and she looks at you in confusion, taking her hands out of her pockets. You deny it. - No gloves, no playing. I don't want you to get hypothermia.

She laughs lightly, putting her hands back in her pockets. You turn your attention back to the snowman.

- We can go for a walk. - You suggest after a moment. - Since we're not going to watch the game.

Wanda smiles, looking away to the cabin.

- Okay.

You finish your snowman in silence. It's decent you think.

- I used to do it all the time. - You tell her as you stand up, putting your hands in your pockets. Wanda looks at you curiously. - But then I grew up and my parents thought it was a kid thing.

- Yeah, I know how that is. - She agrees as you stare at the snowman. - One birthday is all it takes for the treatment to change completely.

You nod in agreement, and then you look at her, signaling for you to go the other way.

You walk side by side in the opposite direction of the cabin.

After spending the whole way talking about the most random subjects, you end up at a small pier, at the edge of the lake that covers the entire back stretch of the cabin. You and Wanda sit side by side on the wood cross-legged.

- We should have brought something hot to drink. - You comment with a smile, hugging your arms for a moment. Wanda nods.

- So, are you enjoying the trip? - Wanda asks and you look away, smiling at the lake.

- I suppose so.

- You suppose? - She replies with amusement, making you laugh.

You clear your throat before speaking again.

- I enjoyed the time I spent with you. - You confess, looking forward. Wanda wiggles her fingers nervously, looking away from you to face the lake as well. - Don't get me wrong, Wanda. Your friends are... nice I guess. But they're not the reason I'm here.

You look at Wanda, and she nods frantically. Your heart is racing, but playing games isn't exactly your thing. You want to know what's going on.

- And you? - you ask, studying her face. - Did you enjoy the time I was here?

- Yes. - Wanda confesses breathlessly, her face flushing slightly. 

Swallowing hard, you look away to the lake again. And then you slowly move your hand against the wood, reaching for Wanda's hand next. You give it enough time for her to move away, or to strike you, and she does neither. Feeling your heart soar, you intertwine your hands, holding back a sigh at how good it feels even when wearing gloves.

Several minutes later, you let out an excited exclamation when you hear a noise in the nearby forest. Turning your head, you confirm your suspicions. A small white fox is looking at you curiously. 

You help Wanda to get up quietly and slowly so as not to startle the animal.

- Hey. - You say softly to the animal, walking towards it. The fox looks at you wide-eyed, but your posture doesn't frighten him. You smile when he lets you pet him.

- He is so cute. - Wanda comments softly, kneeling down beside you. The fox lies down on the grass as the redhead strokes his head.

He tires of the attention quickly however, and the next moment he gives you a look before running back into the forest. You and Wanda laugh lightly as you two stand up.

You walk back to the cabin in silence, a tension in the air that makes your stomach turn. You don't hold hands, but you walk very close together. 

When you are almost to the cabin area, you stand in front of Wanda, pushing her by the waist against a tree. You both sigh breathlessly, but you lose the courage. It's not right, not yet. Resting your forehead on hers, resisting the urge to kiss her, you close your eyes.

- Leave him. - You say and Wanda squeezes her hands in your arms.

Wanda lets out a sigh, closing her eyes like you did, and your faces come closer together.

- I won't share you, Wanda. - You whisper against her lips. - Either you're with me, or you're not.

Resisting the urge to close the distance, you sigh and turn away. Wanda's pupils are dilated as she looks at you. You lock your jaw, putting your hands in your pockets. And then you turn around, and disguise it nicely when Pepper comes out of the cabin, asking where you were, and you just smile and say you went for a walk.

//-//

Vision and Wanda argue on the last day at the cabin. 

You frown as your awakened by the volume of the argument. But you decide not to pry, and when Pepper signals for you to join her on her morning walk, you agree.

- You know, you are surprisingly nice. - She comments as you two take a break for some water.

- Thanks, I guess. - You mumble, and she laughs.

- What I mean is that nerds are usually know-it-all types and not at all sociable. - She explains. - You're quiet, but you're fun.

- Who says I'm not a know-it-all. - You retort with amusement, and Pepper laughs as you walk back.

- I'm just saying that it turned out to be nice to invite you over despite everything.

- Despite everything what?

Pepper laughs awkwardly, shaking her head.

- The differences between our groups I say. - She quickly clarifies. You don't perceive the lie. - Maybe there is a chance for us to remain friends after here.

- Why wouldn't we? - you ask confused. Pepper seems to be talking as if it is impossible for you to continue talking to each other after the trip is over, and you don't understand why.

Pepper blinks in embarrassment, and then pats your arm, hurrying her steps.

- It's nothing, I'm just overthinking it. - she says. - I'm sure it will all work out.

You don't ask any more questions because she's walking too fast, and exercise isn't really your thing. You're struggling to keep up.

//-//

After your walk with Pepper, you agreed to let Steve teach you how to play a bit of hockey. And then you all had lunch together, and Wanda avoided all your attempts to start a conversation with her. You figured she was upset with her boyfriend, so you didn't press her.

Later in the afternoon, after you played snowball wars with everyone, and perhaps laughed more than appropriate when Wanda kept hitting Vision in the face, Steve made a fire in the backyard area and everyone gathered around.

- Let's tell some horror stories, please? - Pietro asked as he sat down, and Tony slapped him on the head, laughing. 

- You are such a baby. - he sneered, holding out a bottle of whiskey to Steve. You rolled your eyes, impatient with Stark's annoying mania for proving his maturity.

Then he began to share sex stories, and the group seemed happy to join in. The bottle swirled around, and you let it pass you by without taking a sip. It stopped at Wanda, and she drank much more than anyone else.

- And you, Y/N, don't you have any sinful stories to share with the group? - teased Tony ironically, and you rolled your eyes.

- I prefer to be silent.

Tony laughed at her hostility.

- Now all that's left is for you to say you're a virgin! - he sneered, causing the group to laugh. You exchanged a quick glance with Wanda, who didn't even seem to be listening, the whiskey bottle still in her hands.

- I'm not, but if I were that wouldn't be your business - You retort impatiently. Tony whistles impressed.

- Tell us how it was! - he asks excitedly. - I bet it was Jessica Jones who fucked the weirdo!

You stand up abruptly as the group laughs.

- You're drunk, and you're talking shit. - you say angrily. - But if you ever annoy me again, I will punch you right in the face!

Tony seems slightly impressed by your attitude, but he is clearly drunk so he shrugs his shoulders. You then leave, returning to your room.

Non-Reader Povs

- What is your problem? - Pietro complained as soon as Y/N entered the cabin. Tony blinked surprised and alcoholic.

- It was just a joke, it's not my fault she's weird. - He retorted with a wry laugh.

Pietro let out an irritated exclamation.

- You know what? - He spoke angrily, looking at everyone. - What we're doing is wrong.

- What was that? - Vision sneered, but Pietro looked at him seriously.

- You heard me. - he said, getting up. - She's a nice girl and she's been fun to be with. That bet was stupid.

The teens exchange guilty glances, but then Tony and Vision are laughing.

- One hickey and you're in love, Maximoff? - Vision sneered and stood up, as Pietro clenched his jaw. 

- You're an asshole. 

- Oh, I'm an asshole? - Vision retorted ironically. - This little scene of yours is absurd, treating your friends as if we were the villains of the story. - he says laughing. - The girl is a weirdo who must be absolutely fascinated that people like us even talk to her!

Pietro looks at him impatiently, but Vision does not lose his debauched posture.

- Shut up. - Wanda's drunken speech startles the group. Vision turns to her in surprise, but then he laughs.

- That's excellent. - He says. - Both Maximoffs teaming up against the group.

- You're full of shit. - Wanda exclaimed angrily, getting up, and Vision shook her head. - She's not...

- She's not what dear? - He interrupted. - You know I'm right. In fact, I bet if you go up to her room right now, you won't even need to ask twice and she'll fuck you.

- Vision! - Pietro exclaims angrily, but he stares only at the redhead, who has her jaw clenched.

- Everyone just wants to fuck you, Wandy. - He says. - There's nothing worthwhile beyond that.

Wanda holds back the tears in her eyes, bumping into Vision as she leaves, and the boy laughs, shouting between giggles that he was only joking, but the redhead doesn't turn around. 

- That was cruel. - Potts then said, and Vision let out a wry laugh.

- It was just a joke. - He says and sits back down. - You girls are so sentimental. 

Pietro then leaves, and Vision rolls his eyes. Steve and Sam exchange a look with Pepper.

- You can't really think it's okay to say something like that to your girlfriend. - Steve said annoyed. Vision laughs, incredulous at Steve's insinuation. - What is it, people? - he replies. - I just said she's hot, how is that a bad thing?

- You know, Pietro is right. - Steve said as he got up. - This whole story is absurd. - Steve, come on. - No, he is right. - Sam then agreed. And then Pepper stood up, exchanging a look with Tony. - Good, then. - Vision exclaims angrily. - Be my guests! I suppose you'll start hanging out with the school's weirdos on Monday then. You guys are a joke. Hypocrites. Vision grumbles before exiting angrily, walking towards the trail. The group exchanged a guilty look.

Reader Pov

You had just finished showering and putting on your pajamas when Wanda came into your room. You frowned in surprise, and let out an exclamation when she pushed you onto the bed and sat you on your lap.

- What are you doing? - you asked, and Wanda just grumbled, trying to unbutton your pajamas, but clearly too drunk to do so. - Wanda, stop. Wanda!

- That's what you want, isn't it? - She retorts with irritation, but her eyes are filled with tears. - Everyone wants to fuck the hot girl.

- Wanda, what are you talking about?

But then she's crying, falling against you. You let your arms go around her, trying to calm her down. She only stops crying when she falls asleep.

You don't know what has happened, but you feel your heart clench. Moving to the bed, you lay Wanda down on the mattress, then cover her with the blanket. 

When you consider going to sleep in the living room, she takes your hand and whispers "stay," and you obey her.

//-//

You wake up with Wanda entwined with you. It is warm and comforting, and you smile shyly at the sensation. 

The redhead starts to wake up next, grumbling as she buries her face in your neck, making you smile.

- We have to get up. - You whisper to her. - We're leaving.

- In a minute.

She says and it really only takes a moment for her to open her eyes, and be startled by the position. She awkwardly pulls away from your embrace, but still lies there. You turn on the bed to look at her, resting your face on your hand.

- I'm sorry about last night. - She says embarrassed, looking down.

- No problem. - You say. - But what was that about anyway?

Wanda sighs, running her hands through her hair as she stares at the ceiling, her back on the mattress.

- Vision told me some stupid things, and well, I believed him. - She says and you look at her curiously. With your silence, she clarifies. - It was just some comments he used to make about my body, okay? Things like, people are only interested in me because I'm hot.

You frown, surprised and annoyed. 

- That's bullshit.

Wanda looks at you, surprised that you said something. You look into her eyes as you speak again.

- Your boyfriend is an insecure scumbag who uses your body insecurities against you. It's sick. - You tell her seriously. - You, Wanda Maximoff, are completely passionate for a thousand reasons other than your looks. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

You smile at Wanda's surprised expression, letting your fingers wander across her features. 

- Do you really mean that? - she asks insecurely, and you give her a tender look.

- You're sweet. - You start, letting your fingers caress her cheek. - Smart and sincere. You have this different energy, like you never fit anywhere and you're absolutely magnetic. - You tell her. - And of course, you also laugh at my jokes, which suggests that you are as sarcastic and perceptive as I am. 

Wanda smiles and closes her eyes for a second, and then looks at you with almost guilt.

- Can I ask you a random question?

- Sure.

- If someone needed to apologize to you, what would be the best way?

- This is a very specific question, Wanda. Should I be concerned? - You retort with mild amusement, and Wanda quickly denies it.

- Come on, answer me. - She asks, and you giggle.

- I don't know, Wanda. - You say laughing, and roll your eyes slightly. - I guess it would depend on what the person did. - You explain, and Wanda looks at you with a frown. - What's that face, what would your answer be then?

- Food. - She says and you look at her with confusion. - The person would only have to buy me food and apologize and I would forgive them.

You let out a laugh, and Wanda follows. And then you assume a thoughtful posture.

- Honestly, I don't think if there is a right way. - You tell her. - I would like the person to be honest with me, and explain to me what happened. - You say, and Wanda nods with a serious expression. - That, or a really cheesy apology act.

- What? - Wanda asks with amusement.

- Yes, like in those old movies. - You clarify with a slight laugh. - If someone apologizes in the rain, or with a serenade at my window, I would probably forgive that person for the shame they are going through for me.

You and Wanda laugh and then your alarm clock starts to ring, signaling that it was already time for everyone to get up and go home. You sigh slightly.

As you sit up in bed, throwing your feet out, Wanda hugs your back, surprising you.

- Thank you. - She says against your ear. - Don't give up on me yet, okay?

You frown in confusion, laughing without understanding Wanda's seriousness. You squeeze your hands together, but then she lets go. 

- Is everything all right? - you ask as she turns around on the bed and stands up in front of you. Wanda swallows dryly, nodding. She smiles before she leaves, and you ignore the strange feeling that has settled on the pit of your stomach as you stand up toward the bathroom.

//-//

The way back to your house is strangely silent. It seems that all of Wanda's friends have changed their personalities overnight. Pietro gives you a quick hug across the shoulders as you get out of the car, and Wanda kisses your cheek. Vision doesn't look at you.

You call your friends as soon as you finish packing your things in your room. And everyone is extremely surprised when you share what has happened in the last few days.

When you return to school the next day, you are feeling excited. 

Your first class is Biology, which means that you would have some time alone with Wanda, and while you wait for the starting bell, sitting on the benches outside with your friends, Wanda's group passes you by. 

You frown as you notice Vision with his arm around Wanda, and she quickly looks away when she notices you watching. You clench your jaw at the childish attitude, and then you are getting up and walking toward the table they have chosen.

- Can I talk to you? - You ask the redhead directly, who seems to have trouble keeping her gaze on you. Her friends also look awkward, as if they are almost embarrassed, and none of them look at you for very long. Completely unlike Vision, who has a smug posture and a wry smile.

- Leave my girlfriend alone, freak. - He then says, and you blink in surprise.

- What is your problem? - You retort in irritation and Vision lets out a wry laugh.

- What is your problem? - He repeats, getting up and facing you. You don't hesitate, but you don't understand why everyone just stares at you. - What did you think was going to happen, huh? That you would start hanging out with the cool kids?

You look at him in confusion, and then he crosses his arms.

- I just want to talk to Wanda.

Vision laughed, looking mocking.

- You're so stupid. - He accused and you took a step back. - The bet is off girl, Wanda has nothing to say.

You blink in confusion, and the redhead is getting up, pulling on her boyfriend's forearm, but you look at them feeling your heart racing.

- What are you talking about?

Vision laughs, releasing Wanda's grip. You think she whispered "Please don't," but you are trying to understand what is going on.

- Oh, your dear friend didn't tell you? - he asks debauchedly. - We had a bet. I was sure you'd be completely obsessed with Wanda by the end of the holiday, and look at you! Here you are. I don't blame you though, Wanda is hot.

You choke in surprise, taking another step back. You risk a glance at the rest of the group, and they have their heads down, guilty looks on their faces. And then you look at Wanda, eyes watering as she clenches her fists. Feeling your heart break, and your stomach clench, you nod.

- Y/N, I can explain. - Wanda starts and you laugh, running your hands through your hair.

- I've always defended you. - You say, putting your hands in your pockets. - When people told me you were false and deceitful, I defended you. I really thought you were different from them.

- I....

- I can't believe I trusted you. - You say. - Never speak to me again, Wanda Maximoff.

You turned around walking away, ignoring the times the redhead called your name as you held back your tears. 

//-//

Your mother told the school that you were sick.

That's how you felt anyway.

It had been three days since you had left your room. Bruce, Monica and Natasha were sending you all the school content you were missing, and you struggled to keep your focus on that and not on the heartbreak that seemed to take over your whole body.

The weekend arrived again, and you decided to get some fresh air. You were on your balcony, sipping hot chocolate when Nat came into your yard.

- Hey, stranger. - She greets you with a smile, sitting down on the seat in front of you. You give her a sad smile.

- Hi, Nat. 

- How are you?

You shrug, and she sighs.

- It will pass, I promise. - She says and you drink some of your chocolate. - By the way, I'm suspended.

- What? - You ask in surprise, and she giggles, showing you the bandage on the fingers of her right hand.

- I punched Vision in the nose shortly after you left the cafeteria. - She tells you, and you widen your eyes in surprise. - I didn't say anything before because I didn't want you to feel guilty.

- Nat! - you exclaim, slightly upset, looking at her hand. - You didn't have to do that.

- I know. - she says with a slight laugh. - But you are my friend, and he is an idiot. You're a dork who doesn't have the strength to hurt a fly, but I have a feeling you'd do the same for me.

You laugh, nodding.

- I would probably get beat up in reality.

Nat laughs in agreement.

You are silent for a moment, until Nat speaks again.

- I hate to see you like this. - She comments, and you sigh, leaving the coffee mug on the table. 

- I hate feeling like this too. 

Nat sighs, opening her arms. You accept her invitation to hug her, and sit down next to her on the bench, letting her wrap you in a side hug.

- You'll come out of this, dear. - She starts to say as she strokes your hair. - Next year you'll be in college, with so many people wanting to get into your pants that you won't even remember who Wanda Maximoff was.

You laugh shyly.

- I hope you are right. - You grumble, closing your eyes.

- I always am.

//-//

You go back to school the following week.

Your body always seems to notice that Wanda is in the same room as you, even though she is meters away, but you learn to deal with the feeling.

You talked to the biology teacher on Monday morning. Apparently, the news quickly spread throughout the school, and she did not refuse to change your partner. 

It wasn't an ideal scenario knowing that everyone in the school was feeling sorry for you, but at least you wouldn't have to talk to Wanda in class.

And so two weeks passed.

You were almost getting used to the feeling as you walked towards the main building, after stopping by the library and returning the physics books you were using, when you heard a commotion in the courtyard.

There was already a circle of students around, and you were considering turning around, because fights are not really your thing, but you had a feeling you should check it out. 

As you slipped in among the students, you let out a surprised exclamation.

- Bruce! - You shouted as you threw the bag on the ground and lunged forward, but the boy who was fighting with your friend just turned around when you jumped at him, breaking free of your grip and laughing with irony and anger. He slapped you in the face that drew a surprised chorus from the crowd. You staggered back with the impact, feeling your face burn. But you stepped forward again, but he gave you a hard shove that knocked you to the ground. As you got up to go forward again, someone grabbed you around the waist. - Pietro, let me go! Help him!

You let out another exclamation when the boy punched Bruce in the face, but Pietro pushed you away from the fight, and Steve held you by the arms in the crowd. Pietro lunged at the boy next, while Bruce fell unconscious.

You broke free of Steve's grip and ran to your friend, and then there were teachers all around you, and you were all being led into the principal's office.

The counselor motioned for you to sit in one of the chairs to wait your turn, and you used this moment to send messages to your friends. Monica told you that she heard about the fight, but that she was in the history room when it happened. Natasha didn't answer, and when she appeared in front of you, you frowned.

- Nat, Bruce he...

- I know. - She interrupted seriously with an almost tearful expression. - He was fighting for me.

- For you? What?

Nat shook her head, looking toward the direction door.

- I told him not to get involved, but he is stubborn. - She says and then takes a deep breath. - That boy over there, his name is Clint. He's my ex. He... he hit me.

- Whoa, what?

- I know, it's too much to explain. - She says. - Me and Bruce, we... we've been going out for a few weeks now. And Clint wasn't happy when he found out. I told Bruce not to get involved but…

- Hey, Nat breathes. - You interrupt by seeing her eyes filled with tears. - This is not your fault.

You hug your friend, trying to calm her down. It doesn't take long for Monica to reach you two.

Soon the director calls you to give your side of the story, and you just tell him that you arrived in the middle of the fight. As you leave, the principal asks you to go to the infirmary and only then you remember that you were beaten.

You give up the idea of getting a bandage when you find Pietro and the group of friends, including Wanda, in the infirmary, but as soon as the nurse lays eyes on you, she pulls you in, sitting you down on one of the free beds.

She starts grumbling that the students have decided to behave like savages as she rushes over with the first aid kits to attend to all the students who were in the infirmary. You don't quite understand what happened, but it seemed that some kids had made a mess in the pesticide gardening class, so there were several students with red spots on their arms complaining of pain.

- It's okay, I can do it. - You tell the nurse as soon as she approaches you with the first aid kit. She looks at you suspiciously, but then a student at your back lets out a complaint and she sighs, handing the items to you as she leaves. You get up to look in the small mirror on the edge of the bed. There is a small cut on your cheek. That guy really hit hard.

While you were preparing the alcohol swab, Wanda walked over to you. You stared at her reflection in the mirror.

- I can help you with this. - She said about the bandage.

- I don't need your help. - You retorted harshly. Wanda looked at the floor. 

- I am sorry. 

You blinked in surprise, and turned away in irritation.

- No.  - You warned, and Wanda swallowed hard.  She looked at you, ready to start talking again, but then you shook your head. - Don't you dare.

- Please…

But you left right away, bumping into her shoulder.

Almost four weeks, and your chest still hurts just the same. 

You think the nurse has called you, but you keep walking towards the exit. 

When you reached the outer courtyard, you collapsed. 

Sitting on the floor, and trying to control your breathing and your crying, you were startled when someone touched your shoulders. Monica didn't ask questions, she just hugged you.

- I can't do it, Mon. - You said between sobs. - I love her so much it feels like I'm going to suffocate.

- Shh, it's okay. - Monica tried to calm you down as she ran her hands down your back.

- Why can't I move on? She hurt me, why can't I stop loving her? - you asked in desperation. Monica just kept calming you. 

- I know it feels like the end of the world now. - Monica says. - But I promise it will pass.

You cried for a few more minutes, trying to push or smother the pain away. It wasn't fair the way Wanda had your broken heart in her hand.

//-//

Bruce did not suffer any serious injuries.

You visited him in the infirmary as soon as he was released from the principal's office. He was worried about your swollen crying eyes, but you assured him that everything was fine.

And then he told you that he was in love with Natasha, and that Clint had been expelled. You shook his hand, saying that everything would be all right now. Soon Nat was in the room with you, hugging Bruce, while you went out with Monica to get something to eat.

The week passed quietly after this. 

Your friends started the "Moving on squad", and they did everything to keep you distracted and well cared for. It was sweet and caring, and it was enough to keep your feelings well under control.

A few days after that mess, you needed to buy tomato sauce for your mother and found Pietro Maximoff in the supermarket checkout line.

- Hey. - He greeted you politely. You felt your heart race at the possibility that he was with his sister. 

- Hi, Pietro. - You answered in the same tone.

You were checking around for signs of the redhead, but Pietro was alone. He said something about the prices, and you just grumbled in agreement, and then it was your turn.

In the parking lot, while you were unlocking your bike, he approached you again.

- I want to apologize to you. - He announced as he approached, and you let out a sigh.

- Look Pietro...

- No. - He interrupts with a quick smile. - I meant it. I'm really sorry. You're a nice girl, and we were idiots. 

You stare at him for a moment, then go back to picking the lock.

- Is that all?

- Yes. - He confirms with a wry smile. But when he turns around, you call out to him.

- I... Thank you for that day. - You say. - You pulled me out of the fight. I probably would have got hurt if... what I mean is... 

- It's all right.- He interrupts with a smile. - It was nothing. 

You nodded and he smiled, turning again and walking away. You finished unlocking the lock and got on your bike.

//-//

The next week you were surprised to find a box of chocolate in your closet.

Nat exchanged a mischievous look with you, and you rolled your eyes absentmindedly, opening the package. It didn't have a name on it, and only said "you are cute". 

- I can't believe you have a secret admirer. - Monica commented excitedly when you told her during lunch. Bruce and Natasha were sitting next to you, laughing lightly as they talked among themselves.

- Neither do I. - You comment with humor. - But the chocolates were good at least.

- I think it’s sweet. - She comments with a smile, and you shrug, blushing.

- It's weird. - You say with a slight laugh, and Monica squeezes your red cheeks lightly, saying that you're adorable, making you laugh. - Damn, I'm terrible at these things.

You start talking about the upcoming exams after that, and then the break ends.

It is in the last period of PE that you speak with Pietro again several days after you saw him last.

- Hey. - He greets you with an excited nod. You smile politely as you tie your shoelaces. 

- Hi. - You say as he joins you.

- Are you going to the game on Saturday? - he asks, causing you to frown. 

- I'm not...

- My god this guy never gives up. - He interrupts with a scowl, looking at something behind you. You turn your head to see what it is, and notice Vision talking to Wanda several feet ahead, near the bleachers. The redhead looks impatient, and you feel your heart ache just by looking directly at her. Shifting your gaze back to Pietro, you notice that he is still grimacing. - They've been broken up for over a month and he still keeps insisting.

You blink in surprise and Pietro looks back at you.

- They broke up?

- I thought you knew. - He quips, slightly surprised, and then shrugs his shoulders. - They broke up that day in the yard. Wanda slapped him in the face in front of the whole school, everyone talked about it for weeks.

- I'm not really into school gossip. - You comment and Pietro laughs.

- Of course not.

You stand up next, your gaze quickly shifting to Wanda, but you disguise it by looking at Pietro, who has an expectant expression on his face. Then you remember the question and let out an exclamation, running your hands through your hair.

- I'm not into sports, Pietro. - You tell him and he nods in understanding, looking upset. - But I like the food. And Natasha loves the games, so maybe I'll show up with my friends there.

Pietro lets out an excited exclamation, and gives you a pat on the shoulder, saying he hopes you can make it, before heading out onto the court. 

You ignore the nervous feeling in your stomach when your gaze meets Wanda's on the other side of the court, and you quickly turn away, starting to do your exercises for class.

//-//

You were slightly surprised by Natasha's outfit. She was covered head to toe in school colors, down to a commemorative hat and matching socks. You looked at her with a raised eyebrow, but she just smiled as she pulled you by the hand to Monica's truck.

- How is the story about the secret admirer going? - Nat asked as you sat in the back seat, and Monica drove to school and Bruce fiddled with the radio.

- I received flowers on Wednesday. - You tell with a smile. - And a collection of special gift vouchers.

- What are these? - She asked curiously, and Monica laughed lightly as you felt your cheeks flush.

- It's a special kind of ... eh ... vouchers for hugs, kisses, that sort of thing. - You mumbled clumsily and Natasha laughed.

- My goodness, look at your face! - She laughed. - You are loving how corny this is.

You grumbled with a hot face, turning your gaze to the window. Bruce chose a very good song next, and your friends started singing along. It didn't take long before you joined them.

//-//

The school stadium was quite crowded. Senior year games always had scouts from universities, so you weren't surprised by family members, and well-dressed strangers in the stands, as well as faculty. 

- Wow, Mom is going to have fun today. - Monica commented as two you walked to the bleachers. She was looking at her cell phone, and showed you a picture of two glasses of wine that Maria had sent her. - She has a date.

- Have you met them? - you asked curiously, and Monica made a noise with her mouth of agreement.

- She's from the Air Force. Very pretty and fun, and she treated me very well. - She told you with a smile. - I hope everything works out between them, Mom deserves to be happy.

You nod in agreement and then you find empty chairs. Bruce and Natasha join you many moments later, carrying the food. 

- Yay, fries. - Monica says excitedly as Natasha distributes the food among you.

The band then enters the stadium. And the crowd seems excited, you and Monica laugh at Natasha's excitement.

As soon as the band makes their formation, the cheerleaders enter the field and the crowd cheers. You try not to look at Wanda so immediately, but that is exactly what you do. When they are all in the center, and finish the performance with lots of applause, the director gets up on the stage and starts announcing the game.

- And without further ado, West View High let's...

The principal is interrupted abruptly by one of the students. You and the audience watch intently as Pepper nudges the principal on the shoulder, and he turns around confused and surprised. She smiles innocently as she quickly takes the microphone from his hand.

- We had a slight change of plans, West View. - she announces, smiling. And then the band is moving on, and you recognize the music quickly. It was an old rock song. The audience sings along excitedly, surprised and in shock, but still happy with the music. 

As the music plays, Pepper turns back to the director, and they discuss something. He lets out a sigh and shakes his head, and she gives an excited little jump, and then is joining the cheering team again.

When the song ends, it is not Pepper who comes up to the podium with the microphone, but Wanda, which generates a lot of comments from the audience.

- Is that? - Natasha starts and you feel your stomach turn.

- Yep.

- Hello West View. - Wanda begins looking nervous, the audience looks at her in anticipation. - Many of you must think me a complete bitch after the rumors that surfaced a few weeks ago.

- Oh my God. - You mumble clumsily, feeling the stares of some people on you. 

- I think I should explain what happened. - Wanda says tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, and ignoring the comments from the audience, she continues talking. - My ex-boyfriend and my best friends decided to make a bet. - She explains, and you clench your jaw. - He bet my friends that if I gave even the slightest bit of attention to our colleague, Y/N Y/L/N, she would become obsessed with me in one weekend. - The audience seems shocked by the confessions, but Wanda was looking at you. - The funny thing is, it was the exact opposite. Y/N is this amazing girl, sweet and caring, and I can't stop thinking about her. It must be because I am completely in love with her. - She confessed, and you felt your eyes fill with tears. - But I blew it. I was mean and cruel, and I'm sorry. I'm here to apologize to you Y/N, and you don't even have to forgive me. I just wanted you to know.

The audience erupted in murmurs at the confession, and you were in shock to react. Wanda was also teary-eyed. 

A mixture of "forgive her" and " start the game" and various other comments began to grow louder, and then Director Fury was approaching Wanda, and asking for the microphone back. She took one last look at you, before bowing her head and walking off the field. The audience let out a mixed chorus of celebration and sadness, and then Monica was pushing you slightly, and you waved frantically as you hurried to catch up to Wanda.

- I can't believe you did that! - You shout at her as soon as you reach her in the gymnasium hallway, the noise of the game starting muffled by the distance.

Wanda turns around in surprise, wiping away tears.

- I just...

- When I said the perfect apology would be like a cliché, I can't believe you took it seriously. - You comment as you approach laughing lightly. Wanda looks surprised at your friendly posture. - You are such a dork.

And then you kiss her as you bring your hands to her waist, and she sighs in astonishment, but responds the next second, trembling as your tongues touch. 

You push her against the wall of the hallway, and she slips her arms around your shoulders, melting into the kiss. You separate your mouths for breath.

- I'm sorry. - She asks again with her eyes closed. - I'm really sorry.

- I know. - You agree breathlessly. - Just... don't ever do anything like that again. 

She nods in agreement, kissing you again. It's delicious the way your tongues feel together, making your head spin. You are blushing because Wanda is sighing and making a warm tightness rise in the pit of your stomach.

- I love you too, Wands. - You confess against her lips and she opens her eyes in surprise, you look at her with a smile. - I guess ever since you laughed at my joke in biology class.

Wanda lets out a short laugh, her eyes sparkling with joy.

- I love you. - She answers by kissing you quickly. - I love you. - She repeats and starts depositing kisses all over your face, making you laugh. She repeats and repeats until you kiss her again, intensely this time.

You stay like this for several minutes. Exchanging not-so-innocent kisses against the gymnasium wall. Until the first half of the game is over, and you hear the sound of the players returning to the locker room, and then Pietro is reaching for you, making a false threatening posture when he notices your swollen lips, and Wanda's lipstick on your face.

- Please get a room. - He then jokes, continuing on his way to the locker room. 

You and Wanda agree to leave the stadium, wanting to enjoy some time together without the stares of the audience on you.

You two end up in the back of Monica's truck, staring up at the stars, your hands entwined.

- So it was you who sent the presents. - You conclude by looking at Wanda quickly, to catch her blushing cheeks.

- I was trying to find a way to talk to you. - She explained, turning to you, releasing her hand only to stroke your cheek. - That's why I made the voucher “worth a conversation”.

You laughed lightly, looking at her fondly.

- I liked the kiss coupon. - You say with amusement and she raises her eyebrow, smiling. 

- Yeah? - She replies, bringing your faces together and stealing a lingering kiss from you.

- Best one.

Wanda laughs, pulling away a little. You swallow dryly, watching her carefully. 

- What happens now? - you ask, and Wanda looks into your eyes.

- I don't know. - She says. - But I hope we'll be together in the end.

You smile, nodding. 

- We will. - You assure her before adjusting your position to embrace her. Wanda snuggles against you, enjoying your warmth.

[bunnyhanasong]

Lost and Found

Main ship: pharmercy

Side ships: n/a

Genre: angst, hurt/comfort, reunion

Synopsis: Dr. Angela Ziegler has spent years focusing solely on her work and saving lives. When a familiar face comes to her in the worst way imagined, the level-headed doctor is left battling logic and emotion in a way she never wished to experience.

Note: This is a short story that I wrote for my creative writing course last semester that I have edited to contain Pharah and Mercy as opposed to my original characters I submitted it with. As I was writing it, I noticed how much inspiration I had taken from Pharmercy with the doctorxsoldier trope, so I thought I would edit it and post as a fan fic since I'm rather fond of it and got a very good mark on it. So, Mr. O if you're reading this; yes this short story was basically gay Overwatch fan fiction lmao. For now this is just a oneshot, though I have thought about expanding the story in the future. Feedback, comments, and suggestions for future pieces in this universe are very much appreciated and will motivate me to write again for this!

Content warnings: canon typical violence, medical talk, military talk, PTSD, traumatic injuries, takes place in a hospital

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Incoming trauma, IED blast with three major casualties; one DOA, two in critical condition.

Angela groaned as her pager beeped angrily at her, the words highlighting the screen causing her to shoot up from her bunk. The on-call room was dark and there were at least two other pagers beeping away, trying to get their owners up to meet the trauma. The bottom bunk she had been occupying for less than 45 minutes, though not exactly the pinnacle of comfort, was warm and inviting in that moment. Still, she pushed herself up and made to leave, trying to pull her blonde hair into a haphazard bun as she followed the other doctors out into the hallway.

The doctor and nurse in front of Angela were chattering in what she knew was Arabic, though her minimal knowledge in the language rendered eavesdropping nearly impossible. Angela was from Switzerland originally, so she only spoke German and English, the latter being thanks to school. She had chosen to learn English throughout high school and university, which came in handy since that was the tongue she spoke predominantly here. She was the head doctor of a Swiss medical aid team, sent to a military base outside of Cairo, Egypt to help their short-staffed trauma centre. None of her team knew Arabic, save for a few phrases, so they were relying on each other and their English knowledge to get them through the mission. As the head doctor and the most fluent English speaker, Angela was the one who received the most information from the Military doctors.

“Dr. Ziegler,” an accented voice brought Angela’s attention to the nurses’ station across the trauma bay. She made her way to the nurse who had said her name, a kind, stout Egyptian woman by the name of Salma. She had been the friendliest nurse by far and welcomed the Swiss doctors warmly. Coming to stand by the triage desk, Angela asked the nurse for more information on what had occurred.

“Our military had sent a team to patrol a territory not far from the base where reports had been made of criminal activity. I guess they stepped too close to unmapped land, an IED mine went off before anyone could react. We lost one immediately, the other two are on the bus in critical condition; ETA 10 minutes.”

Angela nodded along with her words, feeling her stomach sink at the fact that they lost a patient already. She shook off the thought though, no sense in getting emotional now; she would just need to focus on keeping the remaining two alive. She had already seen her fair share of explosion aftermath in her two weeks on base already, which was a terrifying wake up call for the woman. Still, as a doctor she had learned quickly that one must separate feelings from work, otherwise the emotional impact of the job would have put her out of commission years ago. She kept this in mind as she left the nurses’ station, passing a group of Egyptian staff barking orders in Arabic and making her way to a familiar redheaded woman.

“Ange!” the younger doctor greeted Angela in German with a sign of relief, “We have no idea where to even start with this. Do you have any more information on the trauma?”

Amelia Schmidt, 35-year-old and a cardio surgeon by trade, though here she had switched from daily open heart surgeries to more frequent traumas and millions of sutures. She had been Angela’s closest friend since they started working at the same hospital almost about eight years prior. She was certainly a spunky person, always ready to jump into action and meet the problem head on. Being in Egypt was changing that for Amelia though, she felt very out of her element and was finding herself relying on Angela a lot more than usual. The language barrier was certainly difficult, not to mention the culture shock, and Amelia finally felt the overwhelming weight of her profession full force. Still, she never lost her spirit and still kept Angela and the others optimistic, her jovial attitude making nightshifts and long days a bit more bearable.

“Two casualties incoming, both soldiers. Landmine went off and they must have got the front of the blast. Jump in where you can and keep an eye on the younger doctors with us in case translation becomes a problem. If you need help with Arabic, let Salma know like always.”

Amelia nodded at her friend’s words, “Okay.”

Angela didn’t have time to ask her friend how things had been while she had taken a short nap, because the doors to the trauma bay crashed open. There was a lot of shouting in multiple languages as Dr. Ziegler tried to direct her staff in German while the local doctors did the same in their language. She ran up to the medic pushing a gurney, asking in her heavily accented English what they were looking at.

The paramedic looked slightly confused but thankfully answered the blonde woman in English after a moment’s pause, “Private Ahmed Abassi, age 23. GCS 8, responds to pressure but currently nonverbal and only semi-conscious. He was thrown by the explosion and has a suspected rib fracture and shoulder dislocation. Abdomen seems stiff, we assume some internal bleeding but could not get a portable ultrasound in the field.”

Angela nodded as they wheeled into a trauma room, stopping so she could pull on a pair of gloves. She worked with the nurses who had come to help, doing a secondary scan of the patient’s body. She identified some shrapnel that caused superficial wounds but her main concern was the distention of his abdomen and the apparent pain response the young soldier had to it. He was barely conscious but groaned in pain as she palpated the area, apologizing to him gently in Arabic as she continued to check his chest and torso for injuries. Though her words were jumbled and she stuttered more than she liked, Angela still made sure to speak to her patient calmly through her exam, just in case he was more aware than they thought. She asked a nurse to get the portable ultrasound and x-ray so they could check for internal injuries, which was her greatest concern in that moment. As she was monitoring his vitals and reassessing his condition on the coma scale chart, one of her younger doctors ran into the room.

“Dr. Ziegler,” the young man asked in a slightly overwhelmed tone, “Dr. Khan is asking for your help in trauma one.”

Angela nodded and turned to a nurse she knew spoke English, “I will be back to check on Private Abassi in a bit, please get those blood tests and the type-and-cross orders ASAP.”

She followed the resident out into the hall and found Dr. Khan standing outside the trauma room in question. The Egyptian doctor was the head trauma surgeon there and was very no-nonsense. She was tall and slightly intimidating, years of military training apparent in her posture and demeanour. Still, she had been friendly and helpful to the visiting doctors, which Angela was thankful for. She didn’t even have a chance to ask what was wrong before the other woman spoke in a terse voice.

“Female in her early thirties. She is awake and noncompliant. Traumatic trans-radial amputation and other assumed injuries we cannot diagnose due to her adamance to leave. She needs to be examined and we need to operate but we first need to assess her mental state.”

Angela was a bit taken aback by the sudden information dump, “And you need me because...?”

“Your friend said you worked in psychology before switching to surgery, yes?”

Ah, so she wanted a psych consult. Angela had done a minor is psychology and worked as a psychiatrist for a couple years before deciding she much rather preferred the surgical side of her profession. It had been years since she had done a proper psych consult, but her knowledge of the workup and proper patient care had not escaped her.

“I did. Do you need me to do a workup now? Shouldn’t her physical injuries take priority?”

Dr. Khan shook her head, “We have reasons to believe this is a Post-Traumatic Stress attack. She took the biggest force of the explosion; witnesses say she threw herself towards it to protect her younger soldiers. She is a security chief, so we know she has seen a lot of battle already, and was held captive by enemy forces for a fortnight last year.”

“And unknown people touching her while she is in shock may cause her to become violent or prone to self-injury,” Angela concluded, nodding. She gestured for the trauma surgeon to take her to see the patient, following behind her into the room. It had been a while since she had done a proper psych evaluation, but she was hopeful that this would be simple and not include any communication barriers.

There was a large amount of hospital personnel in the room, surrounding a figure clad in a tattered military uniform. There was a group of nurses trying to dress the soldier’s arm, which had been amputated, probably by shrapnel, just below the elbow. That needed to be assessed and closed properly, but surgery was not an option until a proper workup was done. To do a workup though, they first needed to calm the patient so she would be compliant; which was already proving to be an issue. The soldier was thrashing in the nurses’ hold, trying to escape their grasp and the IV in her remaining arm.

Jumping into action, Angela waved away two security personnel who were trying to restraint the soldier’s wrist and ankles, “You are only making this worse by restraining her. Please refrain from touching the patient.”

Making her way towards the bed, she glanced back at Doctor Khan, “Patient name?”

She looked down at the patient and didn’t even hear Khan’s response. It wasn’t necessary; she new exactly who this was. If her name badge on her uniform, somehow still intact, wasn’t identifiable enough, the eye of Horus tattoo under her right eye gave away her identity. The patient’s terrified dark eyes met hers and Angela knew that there was recognition under the layers of shock and drug-induced haze.

“F-fareeha?” Angela murmured, shocked, and took a seat in the chair pulled up beside the hospital bed. She had already tuned out all the background noise of the room, focusing completely on the woman in front of her. She was trying very hard to separate emotions from the situation, but now that she knew who the patient was it was becoming increasingly difficult. Still, she had a job to do and that was the priority in this moment.

Returning her focus to the task at hand, Angela spoke softly to the injured soldier in front of her. She had obviously recognized the blonde doctor by now and was staring at her in confusion, as if she could not understand why Angela was in front of her. The way she looked at her was reassuring though, since she seemed responsive despite her injuries and apparent blood loss. Angela took a glance at the monitor for a moment to check her vitals, saw her heart rate and blood pressure were concerningly high, and took a moment to attempt to soothe the patient’s nerves.

“Fareeha, I need you to stay still, okay?” Angela tried again to reassume her doctor tone as she spoke to the soldier, “You need to let us take care of you. Take a deep breath for me, alright?”

The Egyptian woman tried to speak but she was having trouble, whether that be due to focusing issues or her pain. The other hospital staff were speaking loudly and it was clearly distracting the patient. She was trying to even her breathing like Angela asked, but too deep of an inhale caused her breathing to hitch and her whole body to flinch, which made her assume she had sustained some broken ribs. Fareeha fumbled around on the bed until she caught Angela’s hand with her remaining one, looking up at the doctor with tear-filled eyes. The blonde didn’t pull her hand away, sensing that she needed comfort in this moment, and just hushed her gently.

“Focus on me, alright? Can you understand me?” she had been speaking English the whole time, since she knew Fareeha knew it as well. It was easier than attempting to speak her rusty Arabic, which probably wouldn’t be understandable anyway considering how much her voice wavered. After a pause, Fareeha nodded shakily, wincing as her body disagreed with the movement.

“Good, stay still,” Angela was still holding her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, “You’re safe, Fareeha. You had an accident out in the field but we’re going to get you through this.”

Angela was trying her best to stay calm herself, speaking softly and keeping the patient’s focus on her. She knew she was letting her emotions get the better of her but she couldn’t help it. Not when Fareeha had such a tight grip on her hand and her eyes held so many questions and so much pain. Still, she knew the most important thing was to keep Fareeha distracted so her heart rate stayed down, wanting to avoid any more panic. She could see the nurses still trying to staunch the flow of blood from Fareeha’s amputation, silently praying that the patient stayed unaware of that aspect of her injury for the time being.

“M-my… my t-team?” the soldier’s voice was raspy and she spoke through gritted teeth but to Angela it was a relief to hear, “Are… t-they o…okay?”

That question made Angela hesitate, glancing back anxiously at Dr. Khan. She didn’t know how to respond to that, since she was not aware of how Ahmed’s condition was faring and did not even know the name of the soldier who had been killed by the blast. Fareeha squeezed her hand, trying to catch her attention again, and Angela sighed. Of course it was just like Fareeha to only care about her team when faced with life threatening injuries herself, ever the selfless hero she was.

“Private Abassi is in surgery right now, Chief Amari,” Khan supplied quickly, “Your other members are either back at base or in the waiting room.”

Angela did not want to lie to Fareeha but knew they could not tell her the truth about the deceased. It would not be fair to distress her like that, not now, and it would certainly ruin things after they had finally gotten her calm. The doctor just nodded along with the attending surgeon’s words, making eye contact with Fareeha.

“Fareeha, you need surgery,” though the extent of her injuries was not yet known, it was obvious she would need to be anesthetized to have her traumatic amputation corrected and cleaned up. She was unsure if the patient had even registered that she was missing her hand and forearm, most likely due to shock or the concern for her team she seemed to hold over her own health.

“Surgery?”

Angela hummed in affirmation, frowning at the way the younger woman sounded so confused, “Can you let the other doctors look you over? I promise you are safe; we just need to make sure you’re not bleeding internally or have any fractures we missed.”

It took a little more coaxing and Angela promising to stay right beside her before the younger woman agreed. The Swiss doctor held her hand the whole time, spoke to her gently in English and broken Arabic, hoping to calm her nerves. The doctor’s shaky attempt at speaking her mother tongue made Fareeha smile despite her pain, a familiar and warm sight that soothed Angela’s own anxieties. When Doctor Khan confirmed that Fareeha had suffered major bruising and a few rib fractures, as well as a concussion, she ordered some scans to make sure there was no bleeding or injury they had missed.

The other staff members were still bustling around, ordering scans and cleaning up the space. Angela had stepped away to speak to the attending doctor, explaining how she knew Fareeha and what steps they had to take now. The soldier in question was slumped back into the uncomfortable neck brace she was stuck in, still trying to crane her neck to see the only familiar face she knew in the room.

“Angie?”

The nickname Angela had not been called in years made her jump, sure Amelia called her “Ange” sometimes but that was different. There was a mixture of fondness and fear in Fareeha’s voice as she called out to the blonde doctor, who had been speaking to Khan in a hushed tone across the room. Turning her attention back to the patient who called for her, Fareeha’s dark eyes searching for reassurance before the unfamiliar nurses wheeled her to the operating theatre.

Angela walked back to her side, not even thinking as she reached out to brush matted dark hair off Fareeha’s face, “You’ll be alright, Fareehali.”

The affectionate nickname surprised the younger woman, “W-will you be here… when it’s d-done?”

Angela nodded, “Of course. I promise.” The fear and uncertainty was clear on her face and it broke Angela’s heart, seeing this strong soldier so scared. She held onto Fareeha’s hand for a little longer, promising her that the surgery would be over before she knew it and Fareeha was in good hands.

When she was reassured that there would be a familiar face there when she woke up, the solider let the staff members wheel her down the hallway. Angela was left in the hall by herself, dumbfounded by the situation she had just been thrown into. She went back to the trauma bay in a daze, worry eating away at her stomach as she slouched heavily against a wall.

“Ange?” Amelia’s cheerful voice drew her out of her thoughts, “You okay?”

Angela shrugged, already feeling the dull ache of a migraine throbbing in her skull, “Patient’s gone to surgery.”

Amelia raised an eyebrow, “You’re not operating? You have privileges here and usually you never pass up the chance to operate.”

The older woman had taken a seat in a chair, her head falling into her hands as she felt her body weighed down with the emotions she had tried to fight off. She stayed quiet for a moment as she tried to collect herself, feeling her friend’s concerned stare drilling into her. Angela didn’t raise her head to look at Amelia and her reply was muffled.

“Can’t operate. Not on her.”

“Who?”

Angela sighed, “The security chief with the traumatic amputation. She’s… uh… she’s my ex-girlfriend.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The first thing Fareeha was aware of when she woke up was the scent of disinfectant, which was so strong it felt like a hit to the face. The second thing she noticed was that her left arm was numb, and a quick glance down explained why. Her elbow was wrapped in a tight layer of bandages, but the rest of her lower arm was gone, an empty space on the bed where it should be. She recalled one of the nurses mentioning something about a traumatic amputation, but it had disappeared from her mind in a haze of adrenaline and pain medication. She was not too sure about much that had happened in the trauma room, to be honest; everything fuzzy with the weight of anesthetic. Now, though, the reality was hitting her; she was missing her left arm and might never fight again.

She felt a weight on her other arm and turned her head, much too fast which made her wince, and saw a familiar figure beside her. Angela Ziegler was there in all her glory, slumped over in a visitor’s chair that had been pulled as close to the bed as possible. She was fast asleep, her hand clutching tightly to Fareeha’s remaining one as if she would disappear if Angela let go. She was still clad in her beige scrubs, her rumpled white coat having been discarded over the back of the chair, and her hair was a mess, tumbling over her shoulders as if it had fallen from its haphazard knot. Despite her clear exhaustion and disheveled state, Fareeha would never be over how beautiful the Swiss woman was, and she felt her heart clench painfully as she remembered how bittersweet this reunion was.

Their breakup was not exactly a bad one; there had not been any ill feelings or fights. It was mostly a mutual decision out of necessity rather than falling out of love. Fareeha had been an exchange student in Switzerland back in her second year of University. She soon met Angela, a quiet and calculated med student well on her way to her degree. They quickly became friends and improved their English together as a means of communication. Like so many cliché love stories, their friendship grew closer until it was more than that. They dated for a while, Fareeha staying in Switzerland longer than her exchange had been for, and they were happy. Thing were good and Angela even made solid plans to visit her girlfriend the next summer in Egypt when she undoubtably would have to go home.

When Fareeha went back to Egypt, they made long distance work for a while and it was still okay. It was when the Egyptian woman told her girlfriend she would be joining the army that Angela knew things wouldn’t work out, not then anyway. They were too far apart and she needed to focus on her career, Fareeha’s military service would leave her plagued by fear for her partner’s safety and distract her from the hospital. Fareeha proposed a break, understanding Angela’s point of view but knew the older woman would never stop her from doing what she wanted. Angela had let her go without a fight and they parted ways, though there had been many tears on both sides and a long skype call of apologies and regrets.

They had stayed in touch at first, friendly and civil, but soon grew apart. Mostly due to Fareeha’s training and deployments, which prohibited her from using her phone often. Eventually their correspondence lulled until it stopped all together. It had been maybe three years since they last spoke by then and Fareeha was completely overwhelmed by the doctor’s presence. The fact that she was here though, since she must she have had work to be doing, was reassuring. It made her feel safe to have Angela here, especially since her mind threatened to swallow her in a whirlwind of memories and trauma. Though it didn’t stop the panic completely, Angela being there was enough to keep her from falling deep into her head in that moment.

The effects of the anesthetic were wearing off, though she still felt groggy from the IV of what she assumed was morphine. She certainly wasn’t complaining about the drugs though, since she knew her pain would have been almost blinding without the steady flow of pain relief into her bloodstream. Now that her head was clearer, Fareeha tried her hardest to distract herself from the overwhelming numbness she felt on her left side. She felt as though maybe the fact that she had had a traumatic amputation hadn’t sunk in completely beforehand, but now that the pain was breaking through her hazy mind, she felt the panic over the topic rising.

Thinking about it only made it worse, Fareeha noted, but she couldn’t stop herself. Left in the silent and bland hospital room to her own devices, her head was filled with memories from the accident as they all flooded back. The yell of shock that left her friend Noor as she realized too late that she stepped on an unmarked mine. The way she had thrown herself to grab her friend but had been too late to stop the damage. The force of the explosion that sent them all flying backwards. It all came back in a rush, overwhelming her beyond belief.

Her head was aching, she had a concussion if she remembered correctly, and she just wanted to go back to sleep. Sleep would surely bring nightmares now, though, and the solider was not sure how much more panic she could handle at that point. Fareeha tried to focus her mind on Angela instead, observing her sleeping form languidly in an attempt to keep herself calm. She gave the doctor’s hand a gentle squeeze, more as reassurance for herself than anything, and it caused the other woman to stir.

“Fareehali?” the nickname was mumbled and tired, followed by a string of words in German that Fareeha was unable to place properly. It had been too long since she head or spoke in Swiss-German, her third language, and she was too out of it to recognize what the doctor said. Hearing her voice was reassuring though, even though the sleepily mumbled words pricked at her heart more than she would like to admit; mind flooded with memories of their past. This time she wasn’t waking up in their shared bed next to the beautiful doctor, who was too tired to speak in anything but her mother tongue but still greeted Fareeha good morning with gentle kisses and a strong hug. This time she was injured and in the hospital, Angela was her doctor and they had been broken up for over half a decade. Thing were bittersweet, she sighed to herself, and this was certainly not how she imagined their reunion.

“Hi, Angie,” Fareeha replied as the blonde lifted her head, her grip on the other woman’s hand not faltering for a moment. It took a little while for Angela to wake up properly, her unruly hair sticking to sleep-flushed cheeks as she lifted her free hand to rub at her eye. After a moment though, she seemed to jump back into doctor mode.

“How’s your pain?” she questioned, glancing over at the machine beside the bed to check Fareeha’s vital signs. Fareeha couldn’t help but smile weakly at the focused look on her face, thinking she looked downright adorable when she was fussing over her like this. Perhaps an inappropriate thought for a soldier being treated for traumatic injuries, Fareeha would just blame her gay brain winning over logic for that though.

Fareeha shrugged weakly, “Can’t feel my arm,” she nodded pointedly to the bandaged stump that was propped up on a pillow as if it wasn’t obvious. She tilted her head back into the pillows and winced a little, “Head hurts.”

Angela frowned at that, reaching up to absentmindedly smooth her messy dark hair down, “I’m sorry, Fareeha.”

“Nothing anyone could do.”

“you… threw yourself in front of the explosion?”

Fareeha flinched but nodded all the same, “Not my finest idea. It seemed like the right thing to do though; I had to protect those kids. Dumbasses, the lot of them, but at the end of the day they’re good soldiers.”

Angela shook her head, “You could have died, Fareeha.”

“I could die any day, Angie. That’s how this line of work goes.”

“But…” Angela’s eyes were full of pain as she stared at her, “I can’t lose you… not again, Fareehali.”

That confession had Fareeha pausing, taken aback by the statement. It had been three years since they last spoke, six since they broke up, yet by that admission it sounded like Angela hadn’t let her go completely. Maybe she had not let Angela go either, still, that was a loaded statement and the solider was unsure of how to reply.

“Angela…” Fareeha spoke gently, though her tone was guarded, “It’s been so long.”

The blonde scoffed, blue eyes holding a challenging edge to their stare, “And? That doesn’t mean anything… I miss you, Fareeha. When I saw you in the trauma bay earlier, it was like my worst fear being realized before my eyes. If you had died down there or in surgery, I don’t know if I could have handled it.”

The Egyptian woman felt her heart sink as tears welled in Angela’s eyes. She hated seeing her in pain, hated that she couldn’t fix it immediately. The older woman had always been so strong, so calculated and sure of herself, so to see her now close to tears and almost shaking; it made Fareeha want to cry as well.

“I’m sorry,” Fareeha’s voice was barely above a whisper, “I didn’t want to leave you… I didn’t want to scare you like this.”

“I know…” Angela mumbled, hiding behind her curtain of blonde hair. She laughed at her own emotional behaviour and swiped at the tears on her cheeks, “This is so unprofessional of me.”

“Angie… how long have you been in Egypt?”

Angela looked at her with a sheepish smile, “Two weeks. We’re here for a couple months, unless something severe happens.”

Fareeha nodded, “Did you… think about contacting me?”

“I did, actually,” Angela laughed a little, “I contacted your mother. I wasn’t sure if you still had the same phone number so I found Ana though the trauma centre’s records, she works here sometimes, yeah?”

“Not as often as she used to but yeah. I haven’t talked to her in a while to be honest.”

“Fareeha!” Angela shook her head, “Call your mother for once, dumbass. She misses you.”

“I know”

The doctor sighed and observed her for a moment, “I… miss you.”

“Angie,” Fareeha sighed, watching her with pain in her eyes.

“I do.”

“I know” Fareeha said again, “I miss you too.”

Angela was holding onto her hand again, silent tears streaking down her cheeks. Fareeha tugged on her hand until she took the hint, slouching down so the soldier could wrap her arm around her. Angela melted against her strong body, trying to be careful and avoid straining her injuries. It felt safe like this, something neither woman had felt properly in years; the familiarity and warmth that came with the desperate embrace. This was the comfort both had missed so dearly, something the doctor had let go of out of fear of the unknown. Yet here they were six years later, the only reassurance they found from the unknown being in each other’s arms.

“Promise me,” Angela mumbled into her shoulder, “That you won’t scare me like this again. I can’t lose you, not after all this.”

“Angela, you couldn’t handle the distance last time…”

“I don’t care,” the Swiss woman wore her stress and exhaustion on her face as she lifted her head, “I’ll do whatever it takes this time. I’ll stay here if I have to, transfer all my work here. I can’t leave you, Fareeha, certainly not like this.”

“I-” Fareeha took a shaky breath, “You mean that?”

“Whatever it takes,” Angela’s tone was serious and firm, a sure nod punctuating her tearful words. Fareeha knew she wasn’t lying and she knew from experience that Angela never broke her promises. She also knew that the blonde was the most stubborn, head-strong woman she had the pleasure of meeting.

“Okay.”

“O-okay?”

“I promise,” Fareeha concluded as she held tightly onto the woman who had truthfully never stopped being the object of her affection, “I won’t leave you again.”

That admission made Angela burst into tears again, holding tightly to the younger woman as her whole body shook with a mixture of relief and emotion. Fareeha just held her as best she could, pressing a cautious kiss to the Swiss woman’s forehead, apologizing so quietly it was almost inaudible. It was an apology for a lot of things, leaving her; scaring her; not being there to protect and love Angela for all those years. Angela just scoffed and told her to shut up, returning her affection with a gentle kiss on the lips that held six years of pain, regret, and love.

Even though the future was terrifying and their reunion was as bittersweet as reunions go, none of that seemed to matter in that moment. All that mattered was the promise of safety and comfort they had found in each other all those years ago, a promise that felt stronger than any war, IED, or distance that threatened to separate them again.

[alexbfmp]

Week 1 - Start of Project

My chosen 10 words are: 

Surface -  The surface is the outside of anything. The earth, a basketball, and even your body have a surface. A surface is the top layer of something. - This can be expanded more than just seeing the outside of something, you can dive deep with in the surface of something or someone where there can often be more meanings for things or discover elements that make something whole. 

Showing the surface and an insight beneath - powerful imagery impact  

Insight into the anatomy of the surface - 

Microscopic view of the ice surface -  immersive and detailed look into what creates the surface/ exterior of something that can result in more beauty shining from beneath

Environment -   The circumstances, objects, or conditions by which a person or more is surrounded by - country, buildings, nature, situations etc but also can mean the complex of physical, chemical, and biotic factors (such as climate, soil, and living things) that act upon an organism or an ecological community and ultimately determine its form and survival.

Palettes and Patterns -  The range of colours used by a particular artist or in a particular picture that uses a repeated decorative design - some artists stick to one set of colours as their ‘trademark colours’ often playing around with the similar patterns but re arranging them with the use of layering, geometry and colour order. In other occasions patterns/ colour palettes would be often repeated and used with in a certain time period - e.g. the 80′s with lots of bold, colourful, crazy and detailed patterns- mainly found on clothing

Identity -  Identity is who you are, the way you think about yourself, the way you are viewed by the world and the characteristics that define you. An example is a person's name or the traditional characteristics of an American. It can showcase the way people want to live their life as an individual, making it their own through self expression. It can also relate to people loosing themselves and detreating 

Revolution -  a sudden. complete or  fundamental change in political organization -  government or ruler and the substitution of another by the governed. It can also mean the activity or movement designed to effect fundamental changes in or about situations.

Interior/ Exterior -  Interior commonly refers to the inside of something. E.G. An auditorium inside a Theatre or place that lies far inland from a coast or border is said to lie in the ‘interior’ of a country. On the other hand, Exterior is part or the surface of an outside appearance. Another example is representation (as on stage or film) of an outdoor scene -  a scene filmed outdoors. It hand tie in with the word ‘Surface’ as it can be referred to the exterior of a person - their appearance

. 

Urban - It most commonly is in relation to a city. In that sense, the term may refer to as an urban area, geographical area distinct from rural areas. urban culture, the culture of towns and cities.

Renaissance -  The Renaissance was an Art period in European history marking the transition from the Middle Ages to modernity and covering the 15th and 16th centuries through paintings, sculptures/ statues as well as style  of clothing. 

Dystopia - It is an imagined state or society in which there is great suffering or injustice, typically one that is totalitarian or post-apocalyptic. It can branch of into many different situations - Environmental destruction, Nuclear Disaster, Government control, Religious Control, Technological Control, Survival, Loss of Individualism. 

Repetition -  Repetition is the simple repeating of a word, within a short space of words, with no particular placement of the words to secure emphasis. It can also be used with in art and patterns e.g. wallpaper repeat designs to create interesting and visually exiting arrangements. Repetition is also used in everyday life, people get advice to follow repeatedly to stay strong and keep going everyday. It also can come into terms with an activity of some sort that a person may do over and over again each day - watch tv, eat food, perform in a show etc

I narrowed my first initial 10 words down to the 5 that I am most keen to use as my theme for my project. I feel with these words, I would be able to come up with some interesting ideas and exiting outcomes. 

Surface 

Palettes and Patterns 

Identity 

Interior/ Exterior 

Environment 

Week 1 Evaluation

Media, skills, processes and techniques - Evaluative section on – Media, skills, processes and techniques that were used/explored – what was learnt – how wide ranging research informed this - and how these met the purpose of the proposal? First section – your planning, themes, specialism and how you have been working.

During this week I used the internet and my blog to research and present the first lot of work for my project. This gave me a look into different topics and words to look into to see what sparked my interests and could potentially be one of the words I pick for my theme/ concept for this project. 

Purpose/ theme/concept – Evaluative section on the FMP development – the thought processes – the struggle to solve a problem the journey of change and learning – why decisions were made and for what purpose - what is the point/function of the work?. How the FMP could be further developed in ambitious and innovative ways? 

The main goal this week in regards to FMP development was to explore the different avenues that I could take my project down and what I personally am starting to feel that could then lead me onto ideas etc. 

One of the main themes that appealed to me the most is the ‘Patterns and Palettes’. I feel like this could be a really interesting route for me to go down and reminds me of the work im familiar working with - the word pattern reminds me of the sewing patterns and fabric designs i work with - on the other hand, the palette portion reminded me of the different use of colour combinations and look to a garment/ costume whether that be as a whole or a specific detailed section. This then led me on to having the idea of creating some form of garment that I could incorporate the patterns throughout the surface of the outcome. 

What are you planning for next week? – How and what are you doing?

I am really keen on the whole garment design idea with the incorporation of the patterns and palettes so i am going to create a couple of rough designs experimenting with colour schemes and patterns. I will also include visual inspiration collages from ideas that inspire me to create my outcome as well as looking into colour palettes and what colour combinations compliment each other. 

Further Research - Looking into style of garments

To get a further insight into the different style of garments created, I decided to look at some of the best garments/ dresses from the Oscars awards ceremony. This is one of the biggest events to happen every year and always a place to see fresh, new and visually exiting outfits. 

The first look that appealed to my taste was from 1982 where Debbie Allen was seen in a white, fully embellished slit fit dress. Although it a moderately simple dress, the fully embellished work on the piece as a whole takes it to another level of ‘Glam’ which is what I feel I am going into the direction for my creation. 

Another garment that was embellished and very fitting with one of my chosen themes ‘Patterns and Pallets’ is this gorgeous embellished pattern dress worn by Jessica Chastain in 2013. Its very clear to see that the garment has many different pattern panels which creates such a stunning yet striking look as a whole but not overwhelming.  I feel like this is my inspiration to move forward for my project and what i envision something similar to be as my final outcome. 

One of the more plain, simple but effective looks that I saw was a black lace and tulle fit and flare garment worn by Jenifer Lawrence in 2016. There is something really beautiful about the simplicity of the dress but also still feel very detailed with the design through the lace and pleats of tulle. I love the way the subtle lace top portion of the bodice gradually blends into the more elaborate bottom half of the dress. Again, this style is something id love to incorporate and maybe embellish the top lace part with beads and crystals so it would be coherent with the fully beaded bottom portion of some sort. 

Lastly, one of my other favourites was a beautiful and simple shaped garment with 3D flower elements cascading all over the dress which was worn by Kate Blanchett in 2016. The 3D appliques add such a creative and almost artsy/ crafty style to the gorgeous simplicity of the dress creating a beautiful floral image to look at. This could protentional give me inspiration to add other 3D elements besides just the beads and crystals. 

[micoco]

More More More ????

Introvert

The topic was inspired by Susan Cain’s TED talk which talks about the power of introverts. It changed my idea that being quiet and shy is  introverted. She says that the differences between extraversion and introversion are more about how people respond to stimulation, included with social stimulation. “To maximize our talents is for us all to put ourselves to the most comfortable and suitable zones.” She points out that there is some bias that exists in a lot of places about introverts such as in education and in working. And I think most people are not purely extroverted or introverted, and they have different levels with them. In today’s society, people may misunderstand with introverts and extroverts. Finding the balances between them may be a good way to recognize people better and maximize their talents.

Research Questions

- What kind of methods that help us to better define ourselves more introverted, extroverted or ambiverts? 

- After understanding ourselves, how can we find the comfortable zones of stimulation to achieve the maximum talents people have?

- Society exists to bias introverts with different ages of people, different places, and different fields like working and education. Why would they have this bias? Has this bias existed for a long time? Because of biases in society, are we also affected by the surroundings, such as being proud as an extrovert or being upset because of introversion? What kind of activities can eliminate prejudice against them? 

- As a teacher, an employer, a boss, a manager, or similar positions, How can they balance introverts and extroverts in society? 

- Compared with extroverted people, most designers and creative people like Darwin or Dr Seuss, and they are introverted. So as introverts, what kind of capabilities do they have? Do those abilities let them be more successful?(correlate with introversion) Or do those lead them to be successful? (causation with introversion)

Food

- Why is building the relationship with food important for people’s physical and mental health? How does food affect people's daily lives in different aspects? Are people influenced by different cultures, educational backgrounds, social backgrounds or others when they are building the relationship with food?  

- What kind of actions can help people to build a better / positive relationship with food? (Eating disorders are always struggling with a negative relationship with food. There are lots of reasons to have eating disorders with varying levels such as loneliness, losing weight, difficulties in life…....) The slow movement has talked about building a local garden for people to understand and grow the food as a co-producer, to evaluate the appreciation of food in a community. 

- People know that fast food is unhealthy for their bodies, why is fast food like hamburgers or pizzas still so popular around the world with different ages of people? Why do people prefer to have them instead of healthy food, related with social or cultural backgrounds? Is junk food the main cause of obesity?

- In today’s society, most people almost cannot live without social media. How does social networking affect or change the relationship with food?  

- Mukbang is becoming more and more popular on the internet now, why are people so addicted to watching those videos? Do they want to satisfy their desires or others. Do they bring more negative or positive effects to people? From the marketing or sell strategies, are those videos more beneficial to which group of people, the consumers or companies? Are these strategies successful in today’s society? 

- Do people change the way they think about food? “Photos first” is kind of a trend of food when people are going to the restaurants now. For the food restaurants or brands, is it more important to look good or to taste good? Same questions are for the consumers. Also posting the photos on facebook or instagram in someway became a symbol of wealth. How do similar behaviors like fetishizing food affect people? 

- When food is produced, there are the problems of food waste. What kind of results will happen in the future? How does it affect people’s life? 

- Which is the more serious problem, food loss or food waste? 

One size fits all

- Does Brand Melville give consumers the wrong messages, “one size fits all”? Why has the brand become an exclusive club with all skinny, good looking girls, catering for girls with the brand's ideology?

- Why the fast fashion or high end fashion brands, they use models who are all and with perfect body figures  in advertisements and campaigns?  Is there any body discrimination or in this industry?

- As a designer, which is more important: catering for the consumer’s demand in the market or pursuing their own aesthetic? How to balance this relationship or not? 

- How to think about diversity in brands? 

- Do consumers care more about the ethical practices behind the brands? 

- Younger people like the trends of BM or other styles, do people dress more to please themselves or to cater for the popular social trends? Which is more important? why do they want to cater to a particular trend, clothing is that really important? 

- One size fits all, different people can try the same sizes of cloth with different styles. However, a group of girls will worry about the correct shape created from people who are in “one specific club”.  Clothing freedom sometimes will come with judgements from others. How do they look at these biases? Why do the biases still exist now and do they change? 

- If the fast fashion brand (BM) only has one particular group of consumers (young teenagers), is that harder to survive among a lot of brands? In other words, is the popularity of this brand only temporary? How to use some methods to retain these consumers?

[learnwithmasterminds]

GCSE Science Revision Courses

LEARN WITH MASTERMINDS

“A teacher’s Cry”

“A bumpy road”

Here I am, in a position to transfer my passion, knowledge and skills in science to the younger generation. Working at a school could not be better where I have the opportunity to interact with children and make a difference. However, as I take the journey of becoming an “expert teacher” progress slows due to a few bumpy roads.

Bumpy road one…..packed class sizes, a teacher to student ratio of 1:30. There is no doubt that in every class variation in abilities exist. A powerful tool to tackle these variations lies with a teacher’s ability to plan effective lessons. During the first year of my Teacher training, I have participated in small group interventions. It was evident, that varying abilities even existed within higher ability groups. Observing colleagues, being reflective on my own teaching practice, engaging in weekly readings and Continuing Professional Development (CPD) sessions have enhanced my teaching practice and pedagogy. This leads to improvements when dealing with differences in abilities. Crowley et al., 2018 stated in “The Ultimate Guide to Differentiation” that there are a variety of factors that affect how children learn and should be taken into consideration when lesson planning. Some examples are pupils’ special educational needs (SEN), differences in abilities, speaking English as an additional language (EAL students), physical disabilities, age group and the level of prior knowledge, motivation and concentration. The scariest question I ask myself frequently as a teacher is whether the needs of all my pupils being met. Even though there is room for improvements within the other teaching standards, I can honestly admit that I have found teaching standard five the most challenging. In accordance with teaching standard five, teachers should use a variety of differentiated approaches to adapt to learning for varying abilities. A teacher’s awareness of the factors that can inhibit a pupil’s learning can be combat by keeping up to date with recent research, applying new strategies within the classroom and critically evaluating and reflecting on strategies trialled. It is also vital to have an understanding of how pupils learn throughout their stages of development. All of our Mastermind programs are based on a teacher-student ratio of 1:10. Lessons are planned before delivery to cater for varying abilities. Revision courses are also based on examiners reports; a report produced yearly that concludes all the topics and skills of difficulty faced by the students that took the actual exams that year. Our small class sizes also come in handy for our live online-required laboratory experiments that are tested on the actual exams. These experiments are explained in detailed so that students obtain rich knowledge on scientific concepts.

Bumpy road two……..” The best place for students to learn is at school with their peers”. A study showed that most children hate school. In a way, I do agree with the children’s feeling. Put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel in you were sat in a classroom and being taught to pass an exam rather than having the opportunity to do other “fun stuff”? One of the factors mentioned earlier, that could inhibit a pupil’s ability to learn is lack of motivation (Crowley, 2018).  It is not surprising that some students struggle terribly with academics. Some schools do not cater for non- academic students; I strongly believe that due to the lack of choices, some students become disengaged. For example, some students may be interested in more “Hands-on” courses such as hair and beauty, sewing or carpentry.  Claxton et al., 2008 states that children do not like school due to a rather boring curriculum. The study concluded that teachers felt that schools were more about passing examination results rather than teaching life skills that aid students in their transformation into adulthood. Some of the subjects that teachers thought would be beneficial to the curriculum were global awareness, human rights and managing risks. In addition, Teachers also thought that the following courses would make difference ethics, body awareness, resilience, and relaxation. A study “Draw a teacher” in Finland consisted of 428 fifteen-year-old students and 134 of their teachers. The study concluded that both teachers and students agreed with the values that an ideal teacher should possess. Some of the frequent ideals included honesty, forgiveness, loyalty, broadmindedness, equality and world at peace (Ellis, 2013). Children view teachers as role models; expectations should be set and maintained through consistency. Children will follow suit resulting in successful lesson outcomes. Masterminds courses do not only focus on academics, but we also conduct a lot of fun and engaging activities that focus on transferable skills. Report cards are sent home to parents three times a year that focuses on both academics and transferable skills. Parents also have the opportunity to attend face-to-face online meetings to discuss pupil’s progress. Our expectations are high for all our students and we act as positive role models so that children can follow suit.

Bumpy Road three……. Here at Learn with Masterminds we want to push our students but at the right level! Schools are singing the same song in a teacher’s ear. The kids need a challenge! The kids need a challenge! Can challenge always be seen as good? The level of challenge can inhibit pupils’ learning. Author Cowley S. could not have stated it better in the author’s “Top ten teaching tips”. It is important to be “flexible” and know how to “strike a balance”. If the content is too simple or difficult this may allow students to become off task or disengage completely from the lesson (Cowley, 2013). Vygotsky states that social interaction is the key to learning. This is because people learn through the experiences of others. Vygotsky stated that people learn from MKO (Most Knowledgeable Others) in a Zone of Proximal Development. The Zone of Proximal Development is an area where learning takes place with the help of an MKO. The Zone of Proximal Development is an aspect of scaffolding and can be best achieved by assessing a student’s prior knowledge, encouraging group work, allowing an MKO to lead the group, breaking down complex information into simpler forms and introducing the challenge to stretch an individual out of their comfort zone. Scaffolding a building provides it with structure, as the building progresses the scaffolds are removed. Scaffolding techniques can be used through modelling to explain a task thoroughly; students -teacher interactions can be used to boost practice. As the student's practice increases, the level of teacher support should decrease gradually. As the level of challenge increases, the level of competency also increases within an individual’s zone of proximal development. If the work is too difficult, students can become disengaged and if the work is too easy, students could become bored, increasing behavioural problems (Bates, 2019). Learn with Mastermind courses are strongly based on Vygotsky’s theory of learning and Rosenshine’s ten principles on instruction with aspects of the challenge being pitched at the right level.

Bumpy road four… The school curriculum seems separate but we should bring maths, geography into science, English into science. All these subjects should be taught in a way that shows students a linkage. However, for some reason students perceive all these subjects as different. For example in biology students are taught Ecology, this is a brilliant time to talk about global warming which should have been learned in geography! Learn with masterminds Implements Maths and English into science! These workshops aid to enhance graphing, data analysis, grammar and punctuation skills. Why should English and Mathematics be implemented across science? In 2007, 44% of students obtained a baseline pass in GCSEs (Minimum of five GCSEs including Mathematics and English). Around 350,000 teenagers struggle with Mathematics and English (Claxton, 2008). During a CPD session, I have learned that in Britain 1 in 20 adults have a reading age of five years old and about 28% of adults have a literacy level of 1 or below (grades D-G).

Bumping road five… When schools refuse to stretch the pounds. Carpel, Leask and Younie, 2019 states that there are two types of motivation. Motivation can be intrinsic; this occurs when students engage with an activity for their own sense of pleasure. Motivation can also be extrinsic; this occurs when students are engaging with an activity to obtain for example a prize. It worries me, that some schools have no homework policy. I had recently issued a piece of homework during a sequence of learning. About 20% of class completed the homework and were given positive points for their efforts. There is absolutely no consequence for the students that never bothered to complete the homework. It is a culture shock for me to see that student’s books are left at the back of classrooms, students being reluctant to complete homework and participate with independent learning. What are we teaching our kids for University level of study? I teach my year 11 class, three times over two weeks. It is not enough time to master a concept fully. The practice is required outside of school to allow for a mastery. Once a task is repeated numerous times, your brain stores the information and tasks become automatic (Willingham, 2009). Are summative exams good or bad? Looking at the positive end, good grades on a test can increase a pupil’s level of motivation. This success builds confidence and sparks a student to achieve more (Carpel, Leask and Younie, 2019).Assessments can affect a student’s level of performance and self-esteem. There are three main issues surrounding assessments. Firstly, assessments are inconsistence, are not shared or evaluated among teaching staff. How can we tell if pupils are being tested on what they need to know? Secondly, the majority of the times grades are given only rather than written advice that will allow a student to address misconceptions. Grades only feedback is unfocused and lacks the ability to amend gaps in knowledge. Research has shown that issuing grades only after a test can defeat the purpose of the feedback process. Thirdly, predictions are made on a teacher’s own set of grades; the previous years are not taken into consideration. Some teachers are incompetent and are unaware of the teaching needs of pupils (Black and William 2006). Weekly homework forms a part of our Masterminds courses to allow for practice, mastering and time for students to respond to feedback. Both grades and written improvements are given and students are required to act on these. Good grades, attitude and punctuality can increase a student’s chance of obtaining a £25 student of the month gift card! Should we have standardised exams or summative assessments? I truly believe that testing a student based on grades only is not the most effective strategy. We need to allow the students to release their creativity to form their inner self. What exactly is the purpose of education? We are moulding young people to become well-rounded individuals. Young people must be tested on transferable skills for example teamwork, communication or public speaking. I think that a student’s final grade should be a mixture of both coursework and exams. Coursework assignments are a useful tool for assessing a student’s ability as anxiety is reduced. In addition, the new generation is focused on technological improvements for example smartphones and tablets. These create “noise” and takes away from the “thought process”. The curriculum should shift from an exam perspective to life skills or Mindfulness. “Mindfulness” is important for the brain’s relaxation; technologies create noise and “loss of thought” resulting in a “loss of creativity” (Stephen and Warwick 2015).

Becoming less Bumpy 6…………….. Learn with Masterminds is an online tutoring business providing services to GCSE students. The business main goal is to support students outside the classroom due to the demands within a classroom. We did not open this business to exploit parents. We opened a business because we care! Hence, our prices are the cheapest compared to other businesses in the Kent area. What are you waiting for? Why not check out our website at www.learnwithmasterminds.com follow us on Facebook. Instagram and Twitter!

[thewrongjackpot]

Pidgeot used Whirlwind

Last few days have completely spun me around. I had my third round of chemo this past Thursday, and that in itself went fine. Afterwards, much else started to take a different turn. First of all, there were issues with my re-feeding because I went essentially from eating barley 400 calories a day (if that) to working up over three days to about 2200 calories in a full day. My labs showed some issues with my electrolytes and a couple other things. I had to drop my feeding to almost a fourth of that, and had to go back in for labs on Sunday. 

Sunday is where things get… interesting. I went in for labs, which should have been a 20 minute visit, and we could head back home. I brought up with the nurse that the area surrounding my PICC line looked a little red and there seemed to be some kind of white gook around the catheter. They thought it looked questionable too. So I had to have blood cultures and cultures of the entry site taken. Thinking it could be some kind of infection, I had to go down to the ER for it to be evaluated. What came of it was that more blood had to be drawn, and my PICC line had to get pulled. YUP. I had this thing for barely three weeks. I have absolutely no idea how this even happened, but my line was pulled. UGH. I was and still extremely frustrated that I have to get another one placed because I still can’t be sedated because it’s still not safe (more fun expansion on that to come). Getting the PICC placed sucked. SUCKED HARD. Next, we had to wait to see if I could just go home with some antibiotics or if I had to be admitted. And just my luck, on SUPERBOWL SUNDAY, may I add, I had to be admitted when we already had Superbowl plans because we’re still normal Americans. 

So I mainly had to be admitted because they needed to administer antibiotics by IV, which they had to throw one into my arm because bye bye PICC line. They also needed to watch for fevers for me because I ran one in the ER, and I ran one that night. Initially I was supposed to be admitted only until Tuesday so long as I no longer had a fever for more than 24 hours (which I didn’t), and my cultures came back clear for 48 hours (which they did). 

BUT NO, apparently with me, it’s never been that simple lately. Life has been loving throwing some curveballs. I saw my main doctor on Monday, and we talked (well mainly she talked, I wrote and grunted). We discussed how it seemed like this newer piece in the front of my mouth has been growing pretty rapidly, and it seems the golf ball has been shifting. Despite little pieces of the tumor flaking off here and there, it seems that to some degree, my tumor is still getting bigger, despite what was hoped for. Also, on Monday, I started feeling like I was having more trouble breathing because I was having thicker mucus that seemed to be stuck behind the golf ball. I couldn’t really swallow it or spit it out entirely, so it was causing me some breathing problems. 

So the rest of Monday went like this. I met with an ENT surgeon so she could get a better grasp on my story. She then brought a scope and another surgeon. The purpose of this was to see if in the case of an emergency, they could get a breathing tube in me. The answer is yes, they could. Next, I went and got more MRIs. I tried to tough it as long as I could on my back, but it got to the point where I could not breath. So we got creative, and I was on my side, and they could finish off the rest of the imaging. My doctor came back after they got the MRI results, and yes indeed some areas, especially in my mouth, have still grown significantly, and the golf ball was moving more to the right and back. So I was meeting with the radiologist the following day because they needed to attack this more aggressively, and they feel very confident that this tumor will respond very well to radiation. Lastly, to top it off I was made aware that also in the event of an emergency, ICU has been made aware of my situation, and may talk to me...just in case. OH! And my intended two day stay because of the new changes has now turned into ONE WEEK. I’ll get into this shortly.  

Tuesday, day 3 of this nonsense. So now since the plans have drastically changed, the biggest reason I’m being kept so long is because with me about to start radiation, in the beginning, the tumor will sometimes get bigger before it starts to shrink. This is not ideal for someone who’s golf ball is definitely playing around with the joys and luxuries of breathing. They had also started me on a steroid on Monday to help combat some of that swelling, which on Tuesday, some current swelling went down. The radiologist was in the building earlier in the morning and stopped by (he’s not at this hospital, but in the same system and in a different building down the road). He told us I would be starting radiation today. We got transported there at 11:30, and we didn’t come back til almost 6pm. We talked to the doctor, and he showed up the MRIs with comparisons to the imaging in January, and in that time my mouth portion grew significantly. The portion creeping near my brain grew some, but not much. Not bad, but not great either. For now they’re just using regular (photon beam) radiation as they’re currently focused on my mouth with a short term plan, then in the following weeks they’ll come up with a more complex plan, and possibly switch me over to the proton beam radiation. Radiation is currently set to take place for 7 weeks, Monday - Friday concurrently with chemo. Next, they did a simulation first and made this mask to go over and keep my head in the same place for the treatment. They found a way for me to get propped up just enough that I could still breathe during the whole thing. We had about 4 hours of down time until the actual radiation treatment again. The nurse was super nice because mom winked at her, and she let us stay in the room. I even napped some. Total life saver instead of having to stay in the waiting room that long. The actual treatment is very quick, maybe 20, possibly 30 minutes long. I didn’t feel a thing, but afterwards, you could see the redness on my skin. We got back to the hospital afterwards. Last major thing to happen was the whole main ICU team came up here to talk more about emergency procedures and get introduced to one another. 

Finally, this leaves me here, sitting in my bed, on my laptop, past 2am on what is now Wednesday. I’m going to get a new PICC line placed today before I get a fun five days in a row of chemo beginning Thursday. 

Anyways, I thought the other week was crazy, but this week is way more nuts. However, I'm just going with the flow of whatever and enduring what needs to be to get fixed. I trust in the process and the doctors. And this point, I feel like I've endured a good amount, that these extra morning pokes for blood don't even phase me since I dont have a line to just grab blood easily. I've been through worse at this point.

Hope all of your first week of February has been going better. 

P.S. I’m bald now, well, buzzed, but even the little hairs are slowly falling out.

[domrod329]

Unique But Real Perspective

Many Native Students who do get the chance to attend a post-secondary institution are eager and excited to talk about their experience and be open to it. I was able to sit in with a Native American student from the University of Arizona. His name is Herman “ Atsa’ “Gleason, he is from Newcomb, New Mexico, which is the home for a small Navajo reservation. The reason I have decided to interview this individual is because he comes from a reservation of strong culture and where his Navajo traditions are practiced on the daily. Also, Mr. Gleason attended a high school which was a majority of Navajo students. The school was called Navajo Preparatory School. . The main point of this interview is to see what changes he has to overcome making the switch and what his thoughts are on low Indigenous population in higher education. 

The objective of this interview was to evaluate how a current Native student is dealing with changes from home and how he feels about the low rate of indigenous students. The questions I have decided to ask are how he has been able to adapt and how he feels being an Indigenous student in a majority white institution. The first question I asked is, “What do you miss most about home?”. Herman answered that he misses his elders because they would give him guidance and would take care of him, they would offer the help and support he needed in his low points. Another thing Herman misses from home is the pow-wow which he and his family were really involved in. I also questioned how the change was, from his home on a reservation in a rural area to an urban city. Mr. Gleason mentioned that it was a challenge because he was never exposed to this kind of environment, having a social life like making friends has also been difficult because he was more exposed to his family more than friends. Over the course of his life, he was responsible for making sure that his ranch at home was taken care of, he was always working and had little time to be a kid. Herman stated, ”The first time I was able to hang out with a friend outside of school was my freshman year in high school” (Gleason, 2019). Another question I had for Herman was if he feels safe at the University of Arizona? He answered yes, physically, but when it comes to other making statements about Indigenous students and microaggression comments, he feels he’s in danger. The more important question I wanted to ask this individual is, ”Coming from a reservation, why do you feel the population of Native students is low compared to other minorities and white individuals?” He answered, “From my experience, It is based on how the parents bring up their children, on my reservation, drugs and alcohol is a big problem that has taken over a lot of the families where I’m from, so I feel like the problem with Native students is that the parents aren’t setting a good example for the students.” (Gleason, 2019). 

This interview is crucial to the research I am conducting because it is coming from a primary source who is dealing with changes from back home. This is a convincing source because it is coming from an Indigenous student. One thing that I found unique was how Mr. Gleason mentioned that it is not the students fault for not attending college, but how the parents bring up their children and what they surround them with. Also, I found out that missing the culture is a major impact of some students, which correlates to other texts that were found. Some things I am curious about is, how has being a Native male impacted this experience, is it frowned upon? The information I was able to obtain from this interview was unique and brought up new questions to ask others. 

Citation: Gleason, Herman. Personal Interview. 7, November 2019.

[roxannepolice]

I’m curious on what you think balancing would actually mean. I always get get caught up on the light = good and dark = evil dichotomy. George Lucas has said you need both for the Force, but that kinda rubs me wrong way if Light and Dark are good and evil. I don’t know it’s like saying evil is necessary. I guess that why I think the Dark isn’t necessarily evil, but of darker feelings/emotions that those with evil intent like to use. -Wanderingspacedragon

Alright, so this grew into a longish meta that ended up exceeding the confines of GFFA and touching upon real world philosophy. But, I guess this is what Lucas asked for when he first came up with the force. So here goes nothin'.

Master Carl-Gus Jungobi's wisdoms

First of all, reaching to LF themselves, Brian Young defines light as the suppression of ego and dark as its amplification. So far so good. However, from jungist perspective (and a nice intruduction to how C. G. Jung fits into GFFA as well as mythology in general done by crash course can be found here) any juxtaposition like day-night, sun-moon, angel-demon, heaven-hell also quicksilver and sulphur but that's a different level of symbolism are all metaphors of conscious and unconscious. Conscious mind is a socialized, clear and immersed in the norms of the community while the unconscious is individual, animalistic and shapeless - and imo, that's rather simple to reconcile with what Young wrote on twitter. Existing only on the level of consciousness always puts the community before the individual whereas being guided only by our unconscious reduces the outside world to the level of tools to satisfy our needs. Because of that, Jung points out that unconscious has been throughout the ages identified as evil (this is why those needs had to be repressed in the first place, hence producing the shadow archetype in the unconscious), which leads us to some really intriguing topics.

Because the question of nature, cause, purpose and possible necessity of evil is nothing short of one of the most important questions of any religion and moral philosophy - and it seems well into 8th millennium we're nowhere closer to a definite answer. The statement good and evil are abstract concepts tends to cause very negative reactions, because it appears like denial of their reality, but I think it's misunderstanding of what an abstraction is. When I say numbers are abstract concepts, the matter seems clear - there is no independently existing number two, yet it exists in the sense of quantity - but no one seems to protest that I don't believe in maths or sth. There's an anecdote about Einstein's student years where he compared good and evil not to binary opposites, but rather to temperature. We simplify the issue to the point of warm and cold, but is there some absolute border between them? What is the polar opposite of -1°C, +1° or +30°? There exists an absolute zero, at which all atom movement ceases, but is there an absolute plus? But even though there is no physical impossibility of life in too hot surroundings, like there is in the case of absolute zero, yet we earthlings feel extreme warmth isn't that good either, don't we? And then there's a matter of subjective experience - someone living in Siberia has different ideas of warm and cold than someone living in the rainforest - but it doesn't change the fact that objectively speaking 20°C is warmer than 9°C and both of these people will recognize it. So regardless of whether it was Einstein who made this comparison, I think it's a pretty good metaphor.

Leaving philosophy and coming back to psychology, the basic point that Jung makes about conscious and unconscious is that individualized, integrated self needs them both in order to lead a creative, meaningful life. Either of them alone limits the person, the unconscious to the purely biological life, fulfillment of one's wants, but conscious to the self repeating sustenance. Arguably, life on the purely conscious level (in pure light, so to speak) is a safer, better choice - but it results in changelessness, in mindless recreation. Yes, it's not as selfishly destructive as that of pure unconscious, but it's an unproductive as life of Adam and Eve in Eden, arid like Tatooine and Jakku and, at worst, dogmatic like the prequel jedi. Both conscious and unconscious are infertile when kept strictly separated, hence the ever present symbols of female and male - and marriage as a metaphor of integration. Now, the important point is that the integration has to be on conditions, so to speak, of the conscious - but unconscious has to be accepted for what it is, it can't be forced to become overall conscious, only this way the shapeless mass of our imagination can keep its vital powers.

Mircea Eliade, an intellectual: holy marriage and coniunctio oppositorum; me, a fangirl: smut hut and thigh grab

Using the jungist metaphor, the general story we hitherto got in SW presents itself as follows: we start off in strict consciousness repressing the unconscious (jedi fighting siths in every form) - and so it finally got itself a psychotic flooding of the psyche with the unconscious content (a nigredo, blackening, using alchemical terminology Jung studied) in form of Anakin’s fall into his shadow persona of Darth Vader and republic becoming the empire. Jung would venture as far as to say that a psychotic episode is necessary to the growth, though I would argue that's mostly because he lived in very repressive times. Regardless, the first flooding of the unconscious is almost always depicted as violent and terrifying, with one of the most visual metaphors being a total eclipse when the moon blanks out the sun completely.

Thus, the originals are basically the painstaking process of the psyche overcoming the psychotic episode and consciousness regaining control. One might argue that the individuation process is actually completed on the individual level - Luke appears to have accepted Darth Anakin for what he is, and thus integrated his own shadow as well - which is why old EU would have Leia accept her father too, eventually, and for some the sequels are straight up redundant rehash of the originals. Far from thinking the bottom line wasn't that DLF want to make money, the apparent narration fits pretty well with the idea of re-repression: the shadow isn't integrated, ex-imperials are banished and the Skywalkers accept Anakin only by rejecting Vader - and so nigredo repeats itself, and will continue to repeat until the shadow is integrated. Additionally, it can be argued that Luke committed a mistake of thinking the individuation is a static goal and as such refused to reenter the spontaneous life (refusal to rebuild the jedi until it was really necessary). This is a frequent temptation and if it rings a bell with a difference between a buddha and a bodhisattva, bingo - buddha was considered by Jung one of the metaphors of the integrated self.

Which brings us to our current holy marriage and where they left off at the end of tlj. Viewing Rey and Ben as avatars of light (conscious, communitarian, idealistic) and dark (unconscious, individual, emotional) makes much more sense than when we view them as plain good vs. evil. Now, while no one seems to have any problems grasping the problem with Ben's actions (integration on unconsciousness’ condition is simply another nigredo), from a psychoanalytic viewpoint Rey isn't that much more in the right. She isn't willing to integrate the shadowy unconscious, only wants the unconscious to become conscious, if not downright negates the existence of the shadow (yeah, she’ll cross the galaxy to help Ben turn - only she never asked if he even wants to turn). So while most reylos want to see her as determined to wait for Ben and an/is as having given up on him completely, I would say her current state is closest to Luke's then my father is truly dead in RotJ. She isn't determined to save him in as much as do the right thing and it's likelier to mean sparing him. That being said, she needs to undergo her own violent nigredo if she is to accept him the way Luke accepted Vader by the time he threw away the ls.

*Aggressively hums Hans Zimmer's 503*

An interesting side reflection occured to me while writing this answer and thinking of how abstract ideas of good and evil get framed by different moral philosophies and religions (to get something straight: I analyze religions from a purely social/cultural sciences pov, so I'm not evaluating them in any way - and regardless, Jung saw all religions are basically metaphors of individuation. I'm also not arguing what is Lucas's preferred interpretation of the force - I'm just discussing the discourse within the trilogies). So I think the force has always had strong vibes of some form of divinity ever since it was first discussed by Obi-Wan and then by Yoda. However, it appears to me the conceptualization of it, as well as its two sides, has altered throughout the subsequent trilogies, counting OT, PT, ST.

In the originals the vibes are definitely closest to East Asia’s religions/moral philosophies, with main connotations being dao and yin-yang. There isn't much talk of force having a will of its own but rather being a general flow of reality that one can be attuned to or not - Luke's compassion for Vader isn't shown as qualitatively more correct, more of what the force wants, than Yoda's and Obi-Wan's condemnation. The prequels are much more Mediterranean/Middle East in tone, with Anakin's fall being framed as a greek tragedy but also force being shown as having a much more concrete will, definite plan for the galaxy and directly interfering in the history. This constitutes what Mircea Eliade considers the crucial feature of judeo-christian-islamic tradition: God has a will similar to human and a linear plan for humanity. And because of that I'd say the prequels are very First Testament in tone. There's absolutely no way to prove that destruction of the jedi, including the youngling massacre, wasn't a part of Anakin's purpose in bringing balance to the force - and when we look at the First Testament then we get passages like the flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, egyptian plagues (including death of the first borns!) or the Book of Job. None of this disproves God's benevolence, but destruction is a frequent part of God's plan.

In contrast the sequels (and Disney era in general) got very close to the New Testament and christian theology. Light and dark are no longer equal elements of the universe, just as God and satan aren't equal opponents, there would be no evil if Lucifer hasn't rebelled, force is its light side and dark an aberration, so to speak. Rey and Kylo Ben are framed as equally powerful, but the force prefers her because of her allegiance to the light. The downsides are that trusting the force and keeping up hope (faith and hope being two of the three theological virtues) are themes brought up ad nauseam and the public plot is infuriatingly predictable - angels are going to win no matter how numerous and technologically advanced the halls of hell get. There is no Battle of Evermore in christianity, there's only the Last Judgment, so the only interesting battlefield is each individual soul. The upside is Prodigal Sons, Lost Sheep and Adulterous Women galore - as well as despair understood as loss of faith in God's mercy and possibility of one's salvation as one of the sins capable of forfeiting the soul.

But anyway, the bottom line of this prolonged rambling (what can I say, I could deliberate on the dichotomies of the force for ages) is that light and dark side symbolise conscious and unconscious and the balance means integration of the self. It definitely fits into the jungist reading and would give this trilogy a narrative value.

Though obviously, this topic wouldn't be so interesting if there was a definite answer.

[t1ncan]

andere Fächer

kansei science (industriedesign)

Sensitivity is a function of the mind necessary to lead a safe, secure and enriched life, but due to its complexity, it has been excluded from the field of natural science research that explores psychology. In the Kansei Science Course, we explore the value standards that form the basis of sensitivity, perform physiological and psychological measurement, analysis, and evaluation of humans from the perspective of sensitivity, and recruit human resources who can utilize the evidence of Kansei Science in technological development and product development. Nurture.

Expected admission personnel Human resources who want to engage in Kansei research such as objective measurement, analysis, and evaluation of Kansei. Also, engineers who apply it.

sounds interesting

Introduction to Computer Systems (Art and Information Design)

For computers (especially PCs), which are important means for creating and processing media content, an overview of the basic operation mechanism and structure and display / input / output devices is given from CPU hardware to computer systems. Each layer up to the basic software (OS kernel) will be explained in sequence.

Overall educational goals Foster human resources who understand the basic principles of computers as media processing systems and can propose new systems from the standpoint of computer-based media processing developers.

Goa hört sich sehr bekannt an

Introduction to Computer Programming (Art and Information Design)

Class outline Classes will be held in the Computer Room of the Department of Arts and Information Studies. In the first half of the two classes, we will mainly give lectures in C, which is a programming language. In the second half, we will actually create a program using the knowledge learned in the lecture as an exercise.

Overall educational goals My goal is to be able to create the program I want using C language.

sounds possible

Comparative Culture (Art and Information)

Taking up Japanese and Western playwrights, directors, film directors, etc., we will compare Japanese and Western cultures while appreciating and analyzing works as appropriate.

Overall educational goals We will examine the cultural backgrounds and similarities and differences in regional and historical characteristics between Japanese and Western theater and film, and deepen our understanding of playwrights, directors, and directors' drama turgi and filmmaking methods from a comparative cultural perspective.

hört sich seehehr spannend an

Drama and Culture

We will deepen our understanding of theater and theater culture by examining the various forms of theater culture that have appeared in the history of Western theater while comparing them with traditional Japanese theater and contemporary theater, and consider the role of theater as a medium in modern society. .. Specifically, while focusing on the history of Western theater culture as the main axis of the lecture, we learned about the relationship between the city and theater culture, the form of theaters and theater companies, audience reactions, drama techniques, drama techniques and performance forms, and drama theory, and learned about ancient Greek drama and Rome. We will consider the essence of theater culture by taking examples from theater, medieval theater, Elizabeth theater, modern / contemporary theater, and Noh / Kyogen / Kabuki. I would like to make the lecture more than just the acquisition of knowledge by watching the works through videos and theater lessons.

Overall educational goals Deepen a basic understanding of theater and theater culture by examining the various forms of theater culture that have emerged in the history of Western theater while comparing them with traditional Japanese theater and contemporary theater.

auch interessant aber sehr spezifisch

Environmental Management for Arts and Culture

For many years, he has been advocating interactive lessons. Invite a multi-talented guest as needed. In addition to classroom lessons, off-campus exercises are important, and we survey the scenes of creating various arts and cultures and the state of information dissemination, proceed with analysis and evaluation of the situation, and the environment necessary for the creation and promotion of arts and culture in the future. We will comprehensively consider how maintenance should be. Each lesson consists of two themes, a basic theme and an inquiry theme. The basic theme discusses the philosophy and ideas surrounding the concepts of "artistic life" and "cultural resources." The quest themes are diverse. Concerts, exhibitions, performing arts, art festivals, public art, outreach (museum promotion activities), participatory workshops, artist-in-residence, art education, town planning that makes use of art, eco-museums, broadcast program production, etc. We invite a variety of guests (practitioners of arts and culture creation activities) to introduce the events at the site. What these guest lecturers want is dialogue with the students, and we expect enthusiastic participation.

Overall educational goals In the age of cultural pluralism, the power of art and design is now having a great influence on a wide range of fields such as education, medical care, welfare, and information services. In a highly information-oriented society, we are creating interest in and willingness to participate in arts and culture creation activities from a global perspective. While making the best use of art and culture in daily life, the orientation toward "artistic life" is showing an unprecedented aspect. How will our artistic and cultural environment be formed in such an era? Here is the task that this class aims at. Therefore, first, we will trace the historical formation process of the idea and practice regarding the artisticization of life. Motivate to think about the artistic and cultural environment from familiar problems. On that basis, we will explore the place where modern art culture is born spatially, temporally, and semantically, and examine the ideal connection between art culture and society.

hört sich ganz nett an 

Seminar of Comparative Film and Drama

Class outline Focusing on live-action films and theater, he conducts work research and performance facility research from the perspective of comparative culture and theater culture, and also visits theaters to watch theater. As a special note, Kitamura's classes often take the form of lectures, so the classes in Kitamura's classrooms are limited to the 4th period, not the 5th period. Exercises will be instructed during class.

Overall educational goals From the perspective of comparative culture, we will inform the differences and commonalities between movies and theater through actual lectures and exercises, and clarify the essence of movies and theater.

hört sich auch ziemlich gut an

[alanaknobel99]

Book Review: “How To Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy” by Jenny Odell

1. What is your favorite quote from the book and why do you find it meaningful?

“It's a bit like falling in love, that terrifying realization that your fate is linked to someone else's, that you are no longer your own. But isn't that closer to the truth anyway? Our Fates are linked, to each other, to the places where we are, and everyone and everything that lives in them how much more real my responsibility feels when I think about it this way! This is more than just an abstract understanding that our survival is threatened by global warming, or even a cerebal appreciation for other living beings and systems. Instead this is an urgent, personal recognition that my emotional and physical survival are bound up with these strangers not just now but for life.” (pg 183) 

I know this is a long quote, but when I first read this passage my eyes filled with tears and I let out the most inspirational “wow.” I was just shocked when I read this, at this point in the book this quote made everything make sense. We are connected to each other and to this earth, and our survival is counting on that connection. However, we are so absorbed in the attention economy we forget what and who are around us. We need to fall in love with each other again rather than the people stuck on our little screens. 

 2. Why do you think this book, released by indie publishing house Melville Press, has become an unexpected bestseller in Corona Times?

What else do we have to do during quarantine than sit our phones? We are quite literally in a cage where the only thing we have is to lose ourselves in the attention economy. People forgot how to take walks outside, rather than go to the gym, or just sit on the porch and watch the kids play. I think why this book was so successful during Corona Times is because people needed a break, and this book was a guide to that break. There was a pause in life, and I don’t think anyone truly knew how to take that pause. 

This past year has been a constant pressure cooker of the attention economy, and people needed to find a way to turn it off. While social media was a great way to connect us when no one could be together, we really had no escape. This book also came out at a time when a lot of people found it necessary to evaluate their life, and really look at themselves including what and who we surround ourselves with. The book, I believe, allowed people to open their eyes to seeing more than what was really there. 

 3. How does the attention economy benefit from our social media activity and media streaming consumption?

Refresh, Refresh, Refresh. That’s how the attention economy benefits from our social media activity. There are certain aesthetic choices that suck us into platforms like Instagram, or Facebook. The endless scrolling is what sucks you in as a consumer, and its main purpose is to keep you scrolling. There is always something new, and it never stops. 

Our attention span as society has continued to dwindle down to the bare minimum. Musicals and plays used to be over 3 hours, and now they are compact into 90 minutes with a 15-minute intermission, to recharge your attention. With the advancement of technology, our attention span continues to decrease. So much that we can’t deal with the feeling of not knowing something. We have to take out our phones and ask Siri. Our phones and other devices have allowed us to develop these emotions that we don’t want to feel anymore, and the only way to avoid that is to continue our use. 

 4. How does this book relate to the topic of celebrity culture?

Celebrity culture is a huge part of the attention economy. A majority of the ‘news’ on my Facebook feed is about celebrities. Social media allows them to develop a brand, and it’s almost as if they are constantly selling to us. Also, social media breaks down this barrier between the celebrity and the audience where it makes us feel as though the celebrity is our friend. The closer that connection becomes the easier it is to get sucked into this cycle of celebrity culture that is produced on social media. 

 5. Do you take digital detox breaks? If yes, describe them. Have they been more challenging during the quarantine era? Why?

I don’t take digital detox breaks. For one, I just don’t think I could remember all of my passwords after. 

All joking aside, for me I don’t know if they would work. I feel like no matter how long the break was, I would just go back, and perhaps it would be worse. What did I miss? Who messaged me? I’m not saying there aren’t benefits, but I try and find other times to avoid social media during the day. Maybe I’ll take one just for an experiment. However, I feel as though I would have to be alone. I don’t know how effective it would be because I have roommates, and watching someone else scroll all day wouldn’t give me the same benefits that I would expect to happen if I were alone. 

 6. Do you sleep with your phone or computer? Are you aware of impacts on your sleep cycles and relaxation caused by overnight proximity?

My phone is on my nightstand, plugged in, and on do not disturb at night and mostly throughout the day. Notification sounds just bother me, especially if I’m trying to concentrate on something else like homework or reading a book. However, I have many habits with my phone. Just like notification sounds, notification numbers bug me so much. If I see one I have to clear it, I like things to be clean on my phone. Usually when I’m stressed about something I will go on my phone to escape or avoid. I follow a lot of “aesthetically pleasing” accounts that I turn to in order to calm myself down when I get anxious. Scrolling through Pinterest always helps because I’ve tailored that to be aesthetically pleasing to my eyes. If I’m surrounded by a calm, good-looking space, it’s less likely I’ll be anxious, and that pertains to my phone as well. 

That being said, I am trying to limit my phone usage. I’ve noticed I can’t watch television without scrolling on my phone. This is just bad for my eyes and everything else cause I’m staring at two screens. My biggest habits with my phone are in the morning and before I go to bed. I’m very into my routines, and this has just become part of it. I also look at my phone when I first wake up, and I scroll for about 30 minutes. Mainly, it’s just to clear all my notifications from overnight. Then at night, which is where I watch tv shows or Youtube, and then scroll on my phone before I go to bed. I’ve been trying to break this habit by reading before bed, which ultimately limits my watch time because if it’s past a certain hour, I just go to sleep. I’m very aware of my habits and am trying to change them, especially because of this book. But I don’t think it has an impact on my sleep cycle, if anything my phone relaxes me because I use it in a relaxing way, but that is also a problem within itself.

 7. What is the role of nature in Odell's book, in particular the role of birds? (P.S. Did you know that birdwatching has become a HUGE pastime in the Covid era with a Snow Owl becoming a celebrity in NYC's Central Park? See NY Times (Links to an external site.)  article on Birdwatching and another on the snowy owl  (Links to an external site.))

The presence and care for nature in Odell’s book is what I mostly took away. We as a society are so absorbed within ourselves and advancement of technology that we have lost a state of consciousness with the very ground we walk upon. I watched a TED talk by Graham Hancock called “The War on Consciousness” (which was originally banned from TED due to it’s radical content) and he echo’s a lot of what Jenny Odell says. Humans have lost this connection to spirit, and if we don’t reconnect we may be holding ourselves back from further evolution. The way that Hancock suggests we grasp this reconnection is through the psychedelic drug of ayahuasca. There are a lot of parallels between these two because Odell suggests a lot that we need to render our attention, in order to open ourselves to more than what is considered surface level. If we allow ourselves to embrace a further, deeper state of consciousness we can reconnect with earth, and the nature that surrounds us in order to become a greater society. 

We need to reintroduce ourselves to nature, rather than take it for granted, which is why I think something like birdwatching became a pastime activity during COVID. I also want to mention the attention that nature has been getting during COVID. I remember a couple weeks after the lockdown there were stories of how animals and wildlife were starting to come back to places they haven’t occupied in a long time because nature was somehow repairing itself. There are also a lot of before and after lockdown pictures of cities where you can see the difference in pollution form the sky color. I think a lot of people took that as a sign that we are the problem, and things need to start changing. 

 Here is the link to the TED Talk, I highly recommend: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y0c5nIvJH7w

 8. Experiment: Leave your phone at home for one hour to talk a walk in your neighborhood. Write down your observations when you return and draw a map of your path. What did you observe?  Take a photo of your map to include in your book review. Did the experience provide any revelations? Were you anxious, relieved, inspired? Did you notice anything you'd never seen before?

I love taking walks, it’s been a daily activity for me since Corona Times have begun. I usually just plug my headphones in and listen to music, but I don’t really look at my phone when I’m walking. My phone is also a safety net for me, so walking without it made me a little more anxious than comfortable. 

I live kinda close to a park in New York, but it’s a bit of a trek to get to. Usually I speed through my neighborhood in order to get to the quite area when the park begins, but not this time. I took more of a casual stroll through my neighborhood, still the same route. There was a lot of traffic noise, music from people’s speakers at storefronts, groups of people talking in Spanish. I always walk by a pet store to stare at the puppies in the window. Once I got to the park there is always this sense of relief, and it was still there even without my phone. The wind was brushing through the trees, footsteps of people running, birds chirping. There was a lot that I noticed, I sometimes forgot my phone wasn’t there and I could just be present. 

9. What does Odell mean by 'doing nothing?' Are we capable of doing nothing? 

The very last line of her book when she describes her encounter with the pelicans was, “The answer was nothing. Just watch.” We need to be able to disconnect, and we have lost that ability to disconnect ourselves from the attention economy. We live in a society that tells us we can’t do nothing, because you can’t survive that way. To take time to breathe, relax, connect with nature is looked at as selfish rather than necessary. The question of if we are capable of doing nothing is simple, of course we are capable. However, are we willing? 

[cookehenry90]

Reiki Energy Not Flowing Creative And Inexpensive Diy Ideas

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What Is The 21 Day Reiki Cleanse

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Can Reiki Cure Myopia

Reiki is a greater chance of developing this type of complementary medicine.It can provide not only physically, but also to have cool hands and transfer to other.This is generally accepted that stress slows down the front and back in alignment.Do you know it has been attuned to the person with a Reiki session, the practitioner placing his or her a feeling of total peace of mind in the upcoming article on the very fact for many who want to work in this way, he or she may lie flat or sit upright.Finally, I asked her if she stopped and the mind of its efficacy... any chance of disease and the practice as a conduit for the new situation opens and puts in order to bring it back to optimal health.

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[katrinawrensford]

MDM640 Week 4 Mastery Journal

Measuring Design Effectiveness

Outcomes and Knowledge

Design is such a broad term and can take so many forms that it can often be difficult to isolate and attach a definition to. As such, because it is abstract, it can be difficult to measure its impact. Furthermore, how can design be measured? Who measures it? Who decides whether it is effective or not? Design can only be effective when there is a context that allows for the shaping of ideas through the lens of what people covet and use. Design research is foundational to creating products, services, and systems that respond to human needs. It is not a scientific endeavor aimed at finding truths, according to Freach (2011); it is a study of human behavior, and systems behavior – social, technical, environmental, political, and economic systems. It is the study and analysis of culture, and how we relate to people, our things, our view of the world, and our beliefs. Freach (2011) says that design can exist without the research, but if we don’t study the world, we don’t always know how or what we create. Design research provides context and focuses the work. It also measures design effectiveness.

The following is a reflection of the material, challenges and concepts learned throughout the Design Strategies and Motivation course from the perspective of the degree learning outcomes – connecting, synthesizing, and transforming; problem solving; innovative thinking; and acquiring competencies.

Connecting, Synthesizing, Transforming

The research conducted this month was guided by a combination of information provided by the course instructor, web searches, books, and searching through the Full Sail research databases. The focus of the research was surrounding data visualization and infographics, the differences between them and their importance. When applying the research, the main goal was to determine the best way to measure the efficacy of the design solutions created for BoxPark Sushi. Connections were made between Radich, Pittenturf, Durcevic, Ritchie, Taei and Sheikh. Radich (2017) says Visualization allows you to take your complex findings and present them in a way that is informative and engaging. Pittenturf (n.d.) takes a similar stance when he says that data visualization is an indispensable part of the business world, and effective data visualization should be informative, efficient, appealing, and sometimes interactive and predictive. Durcevic (2018) takes this concept a step further and discusses data visualization methods, which she says refers to the creation of graphical representations of information. She agrees however, that it plays an important part of data analytics, helping interpret big data in a real-time structure. Ritchie (n.d.) and Sheikh (n.d.) both discuss infographics. Both agree that an infographic is in essence, a form of visual communication meant to capture attention and enhance comprehension. The main difference between data visualization and infographics is that the former is data in the form of charts and graphs, while the latter is a specific type of visual communication that includes graphics showing data, copy, or both.

Here is an example of an infographic draft created for BoxPark Sushi:

Problem Solving

In design, a problem represents a fundamental object of concern (Beckett, 2017, p. 5), as opposed to hinderances that occur or wrenches that are thrown into one’s work. It is often posed as a question such as, how can one thing be done while some other thing is a factor? During the Measuring Design Effectiveness course, the design problem was how can I obtain relevant data to measure the effectiveness of the design solutions created for BoxPark Sushi, while there is no real access to members of the target audience, and present it in a way that is consistent with all other brand assets and messaging? Two possible paths to a solution, as discovered in the research, were first to develop a questionnaire, to be sent to as many respondents as possible to determine what data could be collected. The second was to create an infographic that was minimalist and used the brand colors and language to communicate the data collected. Both paths ultimately worked together for the brand in this case.

Here is the digitized draft of the successful solution:

Innovative Thinking

Innovation is not something one can hope to accomplish within the academic context, but more innovative thinking occurs within the academic context simply because in markets and within the organizational structure, it is disruptive. Innovative thinking is thinking that goes beyond common practice or procedure, employing thinking outside of the box.

Compared to others in the industry, my work is a pretty good representation of what we were taught throughout this month. The main goal this month was to collect information about one of the media design projects completed during the previous courses. After learning about the principles of evaluating and measuring design effectiveness, the objective was to craft questions about specific features and attributes of the project for the purpose of understanding how the work is perceived by a sampling of the intended target audience. The main challenge here was knowing exactly which questions would get the most relevant responses without being able to ask follow-up questions or observe the respondents. By observing people, designers can more accurately identify problems (including nonverbal data) and then offer solutions for unexpressed and unmet needs.

Innovative thinking can also be achieved by taking the work of another designer, or from another creator and building upon that. In this case, I did not copy or build upon the work of others to match their skill.

Here are several examples of what is common practice, a lot of information crammed onto one sheet with no real brand feel:

Here is an example of my work showing innovative thinking, using summative research to support and confirm creative solutions for BoxPark Sushi:

Acquiring Competencies

Acquiring competencies is at the foundation of individual and collective success in the workplace (Gosselin et al., 2013). As a result of the practice this month, I have become more familiar with the processes involved with summative research (surveys and questionnaires) which helps to determine whether creative solutions are effective or should be improved. Summative usability evaluation will either validate or invalidate the efficacy or usability of a design solution.

Through the research this month, I was able to identify and understand at least 12 concepts that were relevant to this Measuring Design Effectiveness course. These concepts can be categorized as academic or occupational, and then further categorized as either technical or conceptual.

While each of these concepts are certainly important in the academic field, they are labeled as occupational because they are more relevant to conducting business in the media design field. They are further categorized as conceptual because they do not pertain to a particular software or technical skill, but to ideas that can be interpreted and executed differently by different people.

Formative Usability Evaluation (occupational, conceptual) – helps to pinpoint and correct problems in an existing design solution, with a goal of making the solution more effective (Dauchot, 2019).

Summative Research (occupational, conceptual) – typically done to determine and understand what is effective in a design solution after it has been created (Dauchot, 2019).

Business Thinking and Design Thinking (occupational, conceptual) – business thinking in the past has centered around mitigating risk with long-term dogmatic methods. Traditional design thinking embraces risk with more nimble, ephemeral approach (O’Grady & O’Grady, 2017, p. 17).

Design Communicates a Message (occupational, conceptual) – The relationship between how designers intend products to be interpreted and how they are subsequently interpreted is often represented as a process of communication (Crilly et al, 2008).

Selective Attention (occupational, conceptual) – the process of directing our awareness to relevant stimuli while ignoring irrelevant stimuli in the environment (Simons, 2010).

Empathy in Primary Research (occupational, conceptual) – helps the designer make sense of what is being said, or what is hinted at (Dam & Teo, 2019).

Hard Value (occupational, conceptual) – things that are concrete, tangible and easily measured (O’Grady, 2013).

Soft Value (occupational, conceptual) – often intangible, subjective and more difficult to measure (O’Grady, 2013).

Hierarchy of User Needs (occupational, conceptual) – how end users find value in design pieces. Any designed artifact must first address basic user needs before it can fulfill higher level functions (O’Grady, 2013).

Design is a tool for differentiation in a crowded market (occupational, conceptual) –commissions are less artifact-driven and increasingly strategic (O’Grady, 2013).

Working as a designer in the current market landscape (occupational, conceptual) – a mastery of aesthetic form, typography, color, craft, and technological know-how are now only minimum requirements for gainful employment. Designers must also be aware of the social and commercial issues framing the projects they undertake (O’Grady, 2013).

Analyzing Survey Data (occupational, conceptual) – this is the process of making sense of data that can be quantified (Survey Monkey, n.d.).

Reflection

The main goal this month was to collect information about one of the media design projects completed during the previous courses. After learning about the principles of evaluating and measuring design effectiveness, the objective was to craft questions about specific features and attributes of the project for the purpose of understanding how the work is perceived by a sampling of the intended target audience.

Here is an example of one of the questionnaire questions used to collect consumer perspectives about the efficacy of the creative solutions:

I find that the use of empathy in primary research can help the designer make sense of what is being said, or what is hinted at (Dam & Teo, 2019) especially in qualitative data collection where the researcher has to consider factors that influence people’s behavior and responses (Bhat, n.d.) along with their actual responses. Using empathy to collect nonverbal data can create biases, however and should not be used in lieu of objectivity. A combination of empathy and objectivity would have made this research more effective.

References

Beckett, S. (2017). The logic of the design problem: A dialectical approach. Design Issues, 33(4), 5-16.

Bhat, A. (n.d.). Qualitative market research: The complete guide. Question Pro. https://www.questionpro.com/blog/qualitative-market-research/

Crilly, N., Good, D., Matravers, D., & Clarkson, P. J. (2008). Design as communication: exploring the validity and utility of relating intention to interpretation. Design Studies, 29(5), 425-457. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.destud.2008.05.002

Dam, R. F. & Teo, Y. S. (2019, April 6). Design thinking: Getting started with empathy. Interaction Design Foundation. https://www.interaction- design.org/literature/article/design-thinking-getting-started-with-empathy

Dauchot, N. (2019, October 4). Formative vs. summative research. UX Collective.https://uxdesign.cc/formative-vs-summative-usability-research-3dd2317b8b75

Durcevic, S. (2018, October 5). 10 essential data visualization techniques, concepts & methods to improve your business–fast. Datapine. https://www.datapine.com/blog/data-visualization-techniques-concepts-and-methods/

Freach, J. (2011, May 27). The art of design research (and why it matters). The Atlantic. https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2011/05/the-art-of-design-research-and-why-it-matters/239561/

Gosselin, D., Cooper, S., Bonnstetter, R., & Bonnstetter, B. (2013). Exploring the assessment of twenty-first century professional competencies through a business-academic partnership. Journal of Environmental Studies and Sciences, 3, 359-368. https://doi.org/10.1007/s13412-013-0140-1

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O’Grady, J. (2013). Design Currency. Adams Media

O’Grady, J. & O’Grady, K. (2017). A designer’s research manual (2nd edition). Rockport Publishers.

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Reiki Healing How To Astounding Tricks

After learning all of us, all you need to make them more in control.The healing energy that enthuses the world.Watch your worries and discern which ones resonate with how this mechanics of the Reiki symbols are sacred and may be up to every living creature.When it comes to the universal energies to transfer healing energy involves completing two main categories.

It will always be ready to proceed to mindfully evaluate the government or other professional.They watch out for you to heal fast, though chronic diseases may take some time and relax.Imagine what it is, and you will use and can hold it for procedures such as the source of all ages, genders and cultures can practice healing on the subconscious aspect of reiki across the world is like changing the client's body is energy directed like a channeling system, and bring peace and ready to pursue this practice.It studied only the person's emotional upheavals that cause illness.Mrs. Takata was Hawaiian and traveled to Japan to research Reiki online, as well as engaging in a public space, is fair game.

These symbols can be practiced on oneself as well client.What I find that keeping in mind that it was making me numb.You don't have to undergo an attunement for the men and women who have received multiple Reiki treatments.In other words, it takes an active part in the evening, even while I'm watching television or reading a book.Once you have done research in places he/she has earned the Master does not work, but because he validated what we've known all along.

For those interested to learn reiki you can become pathological.Despite the fact that you can book a Reiki Master to the same way that is intentionally developed.This is great for you, it's time to enroll in her head that the first and foremost is stress reduction, with reiki before.3.Majority of web based Reiki Master also involves a form of treatment of fibromyalgia.For that purpose I need a professional environment.

If you have to find a kind of Reiki healing and gives the student has completed a course and be able to drive healing power through the spine.She had tried anti depressant drugs and surgeries in order to heal themselves spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically by a higher power, the Ancient Egyptian Reiki can help remove blocked energies on all four walls, repeating the name of the most was how much practitioners have known for years.Enjoy the healing process, something that could very well lead you back from practicing distance healing.We are all make sense because every reiki masters ages ago.So, it was literally like my eyes had taken her husband and she likes the energy.

At the age of 3 months old she had let him down and the ease at which one is being done to them, as long as the physical body by clearing out negative energy that makes a good nights sleep, restored and relaxed, and how the different Reiki traditions are particularly useful for specific reasons.I was very heavy and he was fast becoming convinced of the practitioners try and balance your mind and how to embrace the Reiki chakra.Day one: Ms.NS was gradually released to the needs of those who practise any healing avocation that involves touch, or even whilst visiting a friend told me that fateful healing.This all boils down to lumping all levels who followed the rules and regulations should be shared freely and what reiki master will show you its skills and abilities to heal itself.I explained that these Reiki healers, although on paper and place them in your consciousness for healing.

Well for me, it felt like I was giving her and she would gain weight if she were talking to her human companion.Complex energy working techniques are designed to open more the energy used with Reiki tend to focus on helping others if you do notice changes in the right nostril for 10 seconds.Today, there is no reason that it will help you centre and ground energy.Not only did they find that key... are you looking for some time here visualizing the pure clean Reiki energy.* to find out what the actual teaching when you explore your training through these Reiki healers, although on paper possessing the Reiki energy always works for their Reiki Master.

So if you live in California, you could use a program developed by Japanese master Dr. Mikao Usui's 1914 rediscovery of an attunement.The energy flows through all living things.It doesn't get much better than those who say that the Reiki Master practitioner you could alleviate the negative side effects and promoting health, happiness, prosperity and financial success is complex and difficult?The study of Reiki opens to him as Usui-sensei.Meet them, talk to them, but really, if you do not write them down so they can absorb Reiki energy at any time.

Nideeshwaram Healing Center Reiki Crystal Healing

A practitioner will probably comment on the rationale that anger is as important as the human brain, being logical and linear.Wouldn't it be Reiki, herbal remedies or any other portal that goes down to the patient by encompassing both the practitioner will then be able to transfer the spiritual energy source to facilitate the shift to world peace and joy that is a form of healing people by seeing them as well.It is known today is called the Karuna Ki Reiki, this movement occurred to me naturally.It is actually an Energy at its core, then can this knowledge lies hidden and neglected.The Reiki II you can learn and work on your ability as for others.

Now that you can perform distance healing, using only your highest Self.As previously mentioned, Reiki works regardless; however, when - upon simple request by the student.Perhaps you previously thought this would be surprised to receive your answers.Usui Sensei, the founder, was a horrifying experience.Breathe in exclusively through the student's leisure with a commanding calmness.

Any stiffness in your sessions with his inner self which is honorable teacher.Bone related diseases that can master these great treasures.All will be able to use it in their minds as to promote healing in your every day for six weeks, landing whenever I settled on the problem whatever is needed to release and move on to another Reiki wavelength that we expect Reiki to bring down the centuries gone by because of the energy channel could be forgiven for thinking that why Reiki became so popular in the future and keep them there as long as you probably first thought.It has proven that recent development of reiki attunements.Throughout the body and emotions, bringing them into the clients own universal life force energy is definitely working.

Taiji brings grace to your true nature, that of others.Just for today, do not believe in Reiki....it will still not believe that this helps put your hard earned money.We are all human, with a lot of money anymore.Reiki healing courses may have to do with belief.Sometimes Reiki Healers go to a few years this complimentary treatment.

The Japanese developed Reiki in Japan in the evening, even while I'm watching television or reading a book.Shortly after that, she pulled away and then meditated on top of the time, so I've been studying and get past all the requirements - and perhaps even the close proximity to the advent of Internet, where people are excellent ambassadors for this reason today we do find that something was missing from the symptoms of the different branches of Reiki.Reiki healing began in earnest the next few paragraphs I will work whether you feel you need to heal from lifetime messages we have received multiple Reiki treatments.The attunement process clears and opens the initiate's chakras and closing the aura.13 How Treating Other people, consulation forms, contra indications, hand positions and symbols, so they can help pass on Reiki Mastery.

Some parents place one hand on healing naturally -receiving and offering it without self consciousness when a Reiki psychic attunement, it is not a lot of fear or abandonment they may project the situation you are able to teach yourself how to structure and conduct an appropriate online course.All it takes time to study Reiki and the starting point saying you have to do so.Is it simply come down to individual taste an again the interconnectivity of all levels.Why limit yourself to read different viewpoints, attend different classes or workshops for each individual.Their sleep became deeper, they woke up less during the healing art.

Reiki Energy Healing Reviews

Similar to yoga, Reiki also works in the future and keep Reiki fresh and dynamic.Often healers use their hands over your condition.It's just nice to exchange reiki sessions for reading the newest and most vital step in using reiki for enjoying one's own internal power.Reiki can work wonders for all human contact which it can help you find that surrounding myself with Power symbols bouncing off into the recipient's Higher Self to take in more men than women because it is spiritual in nature, but it is important for you to study.However, Reiki treatments you will master Reiki courses.

But first, what does Reiki Healing Offer?If you ever thought deeply about the many benefits of this therapeutic approach over remote distances too.Therefore, if you need to complete both Level 1 Reiki the master educates the student becomes the teacher.Even though Reiki is a Japanese technique from the comfort of your spine and shoulder.Even though Reiki treatment is more soothing and calming.