#my little brother doesn’t need me but that’s one less trauma . friends and my gf ofc know me. they know the closest to the real me

[cherrysnax]

i feel like my life is over

[i-write-shakespeare-not-disney]

Director’s Commentary- Fragile Hearts, Pidge finds Keith’s location

I MISSED THIS STORYYYYY

Hunk frowned, but got up to bring her the laptop. She turned it on and searched the website, happy to see that Hunk already had the same software she’d downloaded on her own computer for occasional hacking. “What are you doing?” he asked, leaning over to look over her shoulder. 

“I’m figuring out where Keith’s at.” 

“What?” 

Pidge used the pictures to trace the locations, finding places she’d never even known existed. Keith had really gone into the most obscure places. 

“Honeycomb, he could be anywhere at this point, finding the photo locations won’t- is that a government website?” 

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” she answered. I liked this whole bit of banter because for me it was an allusion to how they were when they were young. And how certain aspects really stay with a person. Plus I just thought it was funny.

“In a few years, I’m gonna be visiting you in a federal prison, aren’t I?” 

“Bold of you to assume I’ll get caught. I’m offended.” 

“Well- whoa, what the hell?” Pidge had managed to pull up a file on Keith. “How…?”

“We were paladins. We fought aliens. You think the government isn’t keeping tabs on us?” Hunk grabbed his food and pulled his chair to sit closer to Pidge as she scrolled. “Jesus Christ. He’s been to over 100 countries. And even more cities and towns.” 

“Is that his permanent address?” 

“It’s what’s listed, but he hasn’t been there in over a year,” she muttered under her breath. 

“This is borderline stalking.” 

Pidge looked over at him and raised an eyebrow. “Everything we’ve been through, you’re drawing the line at this?” Another little funny jab.

Hunk laughed and shook his head. “Absolutely not. My girl’s a fucking genius.” Hunk drinks his respect women juice AND he loves his smart and powerful gf, these are the only type of het couples who are VALID. Pidge winked and returned to the screen. “What about a phone number?” 

“There’s a house phone listed. No cellphone. God, why is he a real life cryptid, what the fuck?” I know there’s some like... fandom joke about Keith being a cryptid and such. I was never into it, but I felt like it fit the situation here. Keith’s constant moving is really just a state of constant running away and keeping busy. 

“Maybe Lance is right. Maybe he doesn’t want to be found. He doesn’t have any family on Earth, there’s no one for him to stay in contact with.” 

“We were his family! We spent all that time together, building relationships, fighting a war, and we created our own family. We all wanted to be found, you, me, Lance. Keith does too.” Everyone always has the bond between Keith and Lance, but I loved the fact that Keith bond was strong with everyone. He’s not a plus one to Lance in Hunk and Pidge’s eyes, he’s someone they also love and care about. And I really want that to show in this story.  Her fingers flew over the keys almost maniacally. “There. If a former paladin is traveling, you can count on our government following them. He last made it to… Attu island.” I had to research the most obscure places. Like. It was wild.

“Holy shit. You actually found him.” 

“Why do you sound so surprised?” 

“I mean I knew you would, just not that fast.” Pidge shrugged. There was a beat of silence, where they both stared at the name of the island on the screen. “Lance doesn’t even know if he wants to contact him though. I don’t think you should tell him yet. Let him sort out what he’s feeling.” 

Pidge took a breath and eventually resigned, nodding her head and exiting the site. But she made a note in her phone of Keith’s website before finally dropping the subject fully. 

Hunk wrapped an arm around her. They finished their food in silence, Pidge leaning against Hunk as they both tried to let all the new information sink in. This brings them back to their present. The hacking was a nod at who they were and what they did in the past. This part shows them coming back to this mundane life of silence and takeout. 

It was strange to believe that just a few hours ago, she had told Hunk she loved him for the first time. It was a moment she thought would have been big and dramatic, probably said in front of the Bellagio, and honestly, said by Hunk first. Of course, he did say it first, but she didn’t know that. 

Now she was reeling with the fact that Lance had managed to find Keith. It was concerning that he was so hung up on finding him that he managed it, but… Pidge was the one hacking government files for information. And now they knew where he was. It’s a definite struggle (especially because I was writing TNR at the same time as this) not to let this story get too far in Keith and Lance because the focus is Hunk and Pidge. When Keith does get brought in, it needs to be in light of Pidge, not Lance. 

Maybe it was the fact that she didn’t have much of her blood family left. All she had was Matt. The prospect of getting her space family back together felt like a necessity. To get them all back in her life, to build that support they should have been for each other from the start. 

But Hunk was right. Shiro had gone under the radar with some work for the Garrison, and Keith obviously didn’t want anyone contacting him. She wondered if they missed each other. They’d been practically brothers after all. She wondered if Keith had been living through acquaintances this entire time. Five years bouncing from place to place… it couldn’t have given him time for friends, much less a relationship as Lance feared. She wondered if Shiro was okay, and if she could maybe bring herself to go back to the Garrison, if only to see him again. 

Then she began to wonder about Allura and Coran. If they had rebuilt their lives, if they remembered the paladins, if Allura ever thought of them or if Coran still called her Number Five when or if he ever talked about her. 

And suddenly she was crying. She hated how often she was starting to do that, and ever since Matt pointed it out, she realized it really did happen more when she wasn’t at school. This is going to come into play in future chapters. Where Keith bounces around to run away, from his past, Pidge very much used schoolwork for that. In a way it made sense because at school she wasn’t surrounded by reminders or talking about the memories. But she also didn’t want it to be a bad thing because she loved being with Hunk and Lance and Matt. She was creating new memories with them. 

“Oh, Pidge, come here,” Hunk murmured, pulling her from the chair and taking her to the couch where he could properly cuddle her. 

“I miss them so much,” she whispered, wiping her eyes and trying to force herself to stop crying. She’d never cried this much even as a teen in a war. It was ridiculous. 

“I know. I miss them too.” Hunk scratched her head soothingly, bringing her in closer. “We’re always going to hold on to pieces from our past. And honestly, knowing Keith? It seems like he’s been running from it. It won’t be long before he has to face it. For all we know, he’s just as strung up on Lance as Lance is on him.” He is. Very much so. 

“How did we all make things so difficult for ourselves? We should have stuck together.” I know there’s a lot of posts about how it doesn’t make sense for found families to go their merry ways after it’s all over, and I wanted to show that here. That even though they were all working through trauma and trying to start over, they shouldn’t have split up. 

“We all needed different things, Pidge. We just have to take it step by step.” She nodded and held onto him tighter, letting the rise and fall of his chest soothe her. “Hey.” She looked up at him. “I love you.” 

Pidge smiled and bit her lip. “That’s the first time you’ve said it in English,” she whispered. He smiled at her. “I love you too.” But I mean... people who are meant to be together and who love each other will always find their way back to each other. And they’re older now, they’ll now what to do this time.