#my last customer service job was so chaotic that i honestly got away with a lot of fuckups

[comradesnufkin]

since my internship at The Magazine ended every single writing job ive applied to has rejected me. but ikea customer service thinks i would be a great fit -_-

[gwoongi]

wordless pt.1

jeon jeongguk / reader genre: hitman (john wick?) au, sugar daddy au, fluff, pining, angst rating: mature words: 4.1k warnings: mentions of blood and violence, unconventional relationship, angsty themes, smoking mention a/n: this is jeongguk as john wick because i’m trash and i cant finish one story at a time. these prompts r from here btw :) im gonna do all 50 but im too lazy rn so here’s the first 10 :D

Sometimes, saying “I love you” is inappropriate, and given your circumstances, you think it might send Jeongguk over the edge if he hears them again.

Parts: One, Two, Three, Four, Five

Now, it definitely was not a stretch to assume that everything in Jeongguk’s life was indeed unconventional. People didn’t need to understand that what Jeongguk did for work was something that, by the law, was considered unprofessional and inhumane, and so when asked, Jeongguk sufficed for “boss of a company”, and questions weren’t asked. If they were, Jeongguk came up with a slightly more conventional lie, to make up for the reality that was Jeongguk working on the clock, killing nobodies for a bit of cash.

Taehyung, his right-hand man, had expressed how unconventional Jeongguk seemed to be over a dinner in Venice, a little restaurant tucked away unconventionally in a street that did not belong to America. Jeongguk spoke four languages comfortably, and had parents retiring in the Canary Islands. Jeongguk donated money to women’s charities and mental health services, and helped bribe his cousins into Ivy Leagues when racism prevented them from entry. Jeongguk was a Joe-Exotic in the making and owned a rescue black panther named Elio, and had houses across the globe for use when working. And, Jeongguk was dipping his toes into playing house with a sugar baby who was only five years younger than him, of whom he had met in a stakeout which involved the hit being on your brother’s head. Unconventionally, you led him to his target, and afterwards, dined with him in a Thai restaurant.

Things in Jeongguk’s life were far from ordinary, but perhaps it was the denial of mundane comforts that kept Jeongguk going. If he went back to normality, to working a shitty customer service job like when he was seventeen, dumping trash into overflowing piles behind the off-license he worked at, things wouldn’t be the same. Jeongguk would feel alien, like he didn’t belong. At least here, amongst the pain and the bullets and the years worth of trauma packed in his wrinkles (which, yes, if he looks hard enough, he can see some cursing his twenty five year old skin), Jeongguk felt like he sort of belonged. In an unconventional way.

Having met Jeongguk during his line of work, there were difficulties in being Jeongguk’s sugar baby. For one, he always felt guilty for having murdered your brother, even though you heavily supported the hit. Your brother was a jerk, a bully with money, someone who had wronged your entire family, turned off your younger sister’s life support when there was a chance of her survival. Asshole, he deserved it. Secondly, Jeongguk was impractical and irrational and often acted selfishly, meaning he was often out of the country on work, only available in whispers for a few hours and then he was gone, compensating with a few sums of cash.

He tried his best. Jeongguk, despite technicalities including his work and his past and his occasional mean streak, genuinely cared about other people. When he could, he made the effort, otherwise not attempting to make promises to you that he could not keep. Jeongguk knows that he got really lucky when he found you. You didn’t ask questions. Nobody was better for him.

However, Jeongguk was selfish, and broken, and in refusal of fixing what was wrong with him. When it was of convenience, Jeongguk drew comparisons to the last girlfriend he tried to entertain. One who wronged him, and died when he tried to repair everything she had destroyed. Jeongguk carries that with him like the tattoos on his skin, a permanent memory, and something that often disturbs what could be and should be between the both of you.

Jeongguk is worthy of love, and capable of loving. On days where Jeongguk is free to lounge without the guilt of not working, you find it is so easy to love him. But, it can’t be that way. You couldn’t just tell him that. Telling him that you loved him would be inappropriately unconventional. Sometimes, saying “I love you” is inappropriate, and given your circumstances, you think it might send Jeongguk over the edge if he hears it again.

(1) Holding their hands when they are shaking.

Jeongguk is in his living room, his right leg bouncing like a spring as he cradles an infant glass of whiskey. His eyes are glazed, yet wide, staring at the Seoul city draped in darkness and neon, and without even looking inside, you know that his brain is spinning, thoughts chaotic and loud.

“Hey,” you call out to him, and his eyes stutter to the left to catch you in the doorway, “I heard you get up. What’s wrong?”

Jeongguk shakes his head gently. “Nothing, baby, go back to bed. I’ll be up in a minute.”

Jeongguk often makes comments without expectancies. You stand in the doorway that connects the living room to the long hall that stems into bedrooms and bathrooms, and watch him for a moment. His whole body vibrates like a speaker, his hands trembling as the glass drains and he reaches for a second, or a third, or maybe a tenth. You want to sigh, without being patronising, but you know that any sign of sympathy is mistaken for that whenever Jeongguk is around to make the judgement.

He looks back to the skyline and frowns, his attention panning from the window to his phone that buzzes blue, but he ignores. Stepping across the cool wooden floorboards, you approach him sleepily and take a seat next to him on the sofa. Neither of you move, but he recognises you’ve moved. He bristles slightly, like it was unexpected.

“You can take your time,” you suggest to him, and his hands ache in his lap as he sets the glass down on the coffee table with a careless thud. He scoffs, devoid of emotion, and dips his head so his chin is near his collarbones. In his lap, those hands shake. “Maybe don’t drink so much tonight.”

“I’m clearing my head,” he insists weakly. Those hands still shake.

Brows creased with a pinch, you swallow the unease and reach for his hands. Jeongguk doesn’t say anything as you do so, enveloping his hands in yours, and so suddenly the shaking ceases. Like trying to block the shakes from reaching his wrists, your hands keep his safe.

“I know,” you understand honestly, because you do know what he’s going through. “How about tea, or something? To calm down, calm down the mess that’s up in there.”

Your chin is on his shoulder, and he smiles softly. “Are you calling me messy?”

“Nah, I’m calling your brain messy,” you reply. “It’s a cruel fucking brain.”

“Hate my brain.”

“Today, we hate it.”

Jeongguk’s head turns slightly so that he can see you, and in his lap, his thumbs brush across your skin.

“Thank you,” Jeongguk says quietly, attempting a smile that doesn’t quite convince. It doesn’t necessarily have to, not tonight anyway. His phone continues to flash like a light show, Taehyung’s name in bold. “Fuck. I’ll take the call, and then I’ll come back to bed, okay?”

You nod, “Mm, okay. Want me to make a drink?”

“I don’t need it,” Jeongguk concludes. “Not today.”

(2) Tucking the sheets around them when they stir during the night.

Sometimes Jeongguk wakes up in the night due to nightmares, but tonight, it’s different.

Beside him, you stir uncomfortably and kick his leg for the fourth time. He huffs and looks over, trying to figure out if you’re awake and indignant, or lost in the dream. He settles on the latter when you strain out the name of your brother and his heart swoops with a dull ache.

“You’re just dreaming, baby, come on,” Jeongguk mutters quietly into your ear, holding you in place to calm the thrashing. “He’s not here anymore, I’m here. Y/N.”

It subsides after a few minutes, making it the longest you’ve gone on record. He looks into your sleepy, upset eyes as you break awake and brushes the hair out of your face. He tries to smile for you, and maybe you can’t see in the dark.

“I’ll get you some water,” Jeongguk suggests gently. “Hm? Sweet thing. It’s just a dream.” He says this into your hair in a hug, leaving a kiss on your temple as he breaks. “You’re fine.”

“I’m fine,” you breathe uneasily, and he separates to get a glass of water and returns to find you sleeping again. What relief Jeongguk might have is exhaled as he sets the glass on the bedside table, stroking your hair until he moves away with the sudden realisation that this is not a normal exchange.

Before Jeongguk decides to leave again, he makes sure the bed is made and that you are safe; he tucks the duvet in tightly and presses a kiss to your forehead before grabbing his coat by the front door and leaving your apartment, one tucked in the city so far that Jeongguk finds it a hassle to visit.

(3) Travelling long distances just to see them.

For three days now, you have been in Colmar, and Jeongguk is beginning to feel lonely. It had been his idea to send you away, when the heat on his long, long fued with a rival colleague threatened your safety. In return, you got a new apartment that Taehyung had found closer to Jeongguk’s own when your address got leaked, and Colmar could be considered a vacation if you pretended for long enough.

With tensions cool and the coast somewhat clear, Jeongguk picks the skin around his fingernails as a distraction before deciding that enough was enough. He missed you, and missed how you were always around for him when he needed you most. This is what drives him to jumping on a plane in his company’s name, and flying to France.

A small boat passes underneath the bridge you are standing on, and your hands dig into the barrier as you arch to smile at the tourists beneath. One catches a glimpse of your denim skirt and cherry print blouse in the sunshine and extends his hat with a wave, and you wave back. France is nothing like Seoul, and is indeed warm and fruitful and unique. The sun is hot, the sky is clear, and the streets are filled with an atmospheric buzz of friendliness, the smell of coffee and some food you don’t know yet entrapping your senses.

“Madame, je peux vous prendre en photo?”

Hearing the voice, you turn your body left and prepare to face the tourist, but instead you are welcomed with the sight of Jeongguk dressed in black, sunglasses sliding down his nose with a smile. He does hold a camera in his hands, although teasingly.

“Oui,” you quip, posing cutely and Jeongguk takes a photograph anyway, to humour the moment, to print when he gets back to Seoul. You join his laughter as he peers at the photograph and he walks without looking up towards you.

“When did you get here?” you ask him, a round of laughter from the little boat making you turn to stare at them with a giggle.

“Bout an hour ago,” Jeongguk replies, and he shuts off the camera and puts it in his coat pocket. It’s only a small camera, probably cost him a crumb to buy from a vintage store. He meets your eyes with a comfortable smile and rounds in, pressing your lower back against the bridge barrier and circling your arms around you. Carefully, then, he kisses you, tasting the suncream on your skin as his lips wander from yours to the skin around your face.

“Miss me?”

“Terribly,” Jeongguk responds. “I am so bored when you’re not around. You always have something to do, always have something to say.”

You hum in response. “I’m glad I’m of some entertainment for you.”

“Oh, for sure,” agrees Jeongguk. “I don’t think I’ve used my brain so often when I’m away from work as much as I do when I’m with you. Did you know that you’re one of the smartest people I’ve ever met?”

“Wow,” you exclaim with a smile. “Hire me.”

“Ha!” he remarks, kissing you again and taking your hand in his. He moves, back in the way you came. “Over my dead body.”

(4) Making their favorite meal when they are having a hard day.

“You.”

“Not now, Y/N, I’m working,” Jeongguk replies non committedly. He fists his hair.

“Not up for discussion right now,” you huff, and he has the nerve to glare at you which only makes you uncomfortably angry. “You haven’t eaten in fourty eight hours, and I’m not about to be held responsible for your death when you die of hunger, so get your ass in the kitchen before I dump this food over your stupid head.”

He challenges you. “You’re brave talking to somebody who could destroy your life like that.”

“Do it, I literally have nothing to lose,” you answer. “Please eat something. I made it with love and care.”

Jeongguk relents, sighing at his paperwork but nonetheless moving away from his home office and following you like a child towards the direction of the kitchen. He feels bad, you know he feels bad, and he circles his arms around your body as you walk, stumbling into the space of the kitchen and smelling the familiar aroma of pork rice stew. Alas, he sees the bowl steaming in his spot at the table and his eyes follow you as you hum and set start to washing the dishes.

“Y/N-”

“No words, just eating,” you instruct. “Bone apple tit.”

He grins, then, and takes a seat. “You know that’s not the phrase, right?”

“Tell that to Twitter,” you sigh.

(5) Giving them a kiss before going to work and they are still in bed.

Jeongguk prefers to see you when he doesn’t have work the next day, because leaving when you’re asleep is an asshole move in any dictionary. So, when one of his men phones him at four in the morning and relays the horror that someone’s died on his property, Jeongguk has to fight the demons that almost convince him to hand the job over to somebody who gives a fuck about the intruder stuck on his barbed fence.

He gets up, anyway.

Next to him, in the bed that belongs to you because this is your new apartment, Jeongguk stares down at you and feels a tug in his stomach. Guilt, it follows him everywhere like a ghost.

Before he leaves, he likes to give you a little kiss for the morning, so the tingling sensation reminds you that despite being an asshole and leaving without properly saying goodbye, he still gives several shits about you, and will be back when he can be.

(6) Tucking your head into their neck during a hug.

Jeongguk wants to hang Taehyung for making him remember the reasons why you had to move across the city to a new apartment.

It had, of course, been Jeongguk’s fault, and when the notification came from an exhausted worker in his line of work that the alarm system in your apartment had been triggered for an intruder, Jeongguk remembers all he saw was red.

The front door was forced open, a body indent in the wood and the front porch ransacked and littered with shards of glass and bullets. Inside was no prettier, with mess scattered everywhere and photos smashed on the floors. The carpets were stained with red that Jeongguk prayed was just wine, the glass coffee table in two pieces and a knife covered in red on the floor. Jeongguk and his men, along with the few police officers Jeongguk could actually trust in this god-forsaken hellhole, noticed that the blood belonged to one of the intruders who lay dead on the stairs.

Nobody knows how Jeongguk got through the apartment so fast, and why, without any hesitation, he murdered the remaining intruders without suggesting questioning and torture. That was his go-to when it rarely concerned you. He wanted those stupid enough to even try and go after you to really fucking regret it as he picked off fingernails and made them suffer for hours or days. This time he just killed, and moved onwards, calling your name like a mantra.

Jeongguk could have cried when you emerged, petrified, from inside one of the closets. Upon seeing you, Jeongguk collapsed his gun on the floor and stepped towards you protectively, pulling you in tightly for a hug. Sobbing into his neck, you hugged him tighter, feeling finally safe when his hand held the back of your head, like you were a precious thing that was of value.

You were of the highest value to Jeongguk.

“Fuck you,” Jeongguk barks suddenly, and Taehyung shrugs and exits the office. All he had asked was if he loved you.

(7) Lightly kissing on top of a freshly formed bruise.

There might be the assumption that Jeongguk comes home with more bruises than you do. Which is true, technically, and there’s no hesitation from your end in nursing them to a comfortable recovery.

On rare occasion, Jeongguk comes home and finds you exhibiting a new purple blob on your skin. Like today. 

Jeongguk hasn’t seen you in two days, and when he lets himself into your apartment with the key he has glued to him at all times, he follows the silence and light to the bathroom. You sit on the edge of your bathtub, gently rubbing cream on your knee in little circles.

“What happened here?” he asks quickly, and you continue rubbing with your tongue poking out between your lips.

“You’ll laugh, don’t ask,” you mutter.

“Hey, I won’t laugh,” Jeongguk says. He rests his weight against the doorframe, “You open the front door the wrong way again?”

Ha! You laugh humourlessly. “Worse!” You look up at him sadly, “I tripped in the parking lot carrying my groceries. It’s on camera and everything, I want to die.”

Jeongguk pokes the inside of his mouth to resist laughing. “Well, fuck. That’s your leg ruined.”

“I know,” you pout. “Good thing you’re my sugar daddy- wanna pay for cosmetic leg surgery?”

“I like your bruised up legs,” says Jeongguk.

“Me too, but not these ones.”

“Bruh, that’s enough cream on your skin,” Jeongguk exclaims, moving forward to snatch the cream from your hands. “More is not better. Come on, you’re okay.”

“It hurts.”

“Boohoo,” he sighs. You don’t move. “Ugh, whatever. Come’re.”

Jeongguk drops the cream tube onto the sink but it clatters into the bowl. He’ll move it later if he remembers to, and he pretends it’s hard to pick you up off the bathtub and carries you swiftly out of the bathroom and into the living room. Things have barely moved since he last came to visit; the swarms of paper still invade your coffee table and your laptop is on sleep mode by a half-empty coffee cup filled with hot chocolate, because he knows your standing on coffee. Everything is a lot messier now that you’ve decided you want to go back to school, but at least Jeongguk knows it keeps you busy when he’s away.

“Oh,” he says suddenly, as you’re sat down with one leg up around him still. He pokes at a spot on your leg and you squirm, “there’s another one.”

You peer to look, “Oh, yeah, that one’s you.”

“Oh.” He pauses, “Pretty, though.”

You huff like a little baby and he dares you with raised eyebrows. That keeps you silent and Jeongguk moves his body at an angle to the right, sweeping to kiss the bruise better, the bruise that he made a few nights ago with tender love and care.

“All better,” he assures.

“It feels better already.”

“Mm. Magic.”

(8) Buying them something unrequested because it made you think of them.

“So, I was at a school fayre today.”

“Really?” Jeongguk sits with his laptop on his legs, and your legs are tangled around his body like some sort of jungle maze. He rarely works on his bed, not unless the work is sudden and he can’t help it. You’ve just come in, dived on the bed and claimed his waist as something to squeeze your legs around.

“Yep. Like, one of those little craft things where students sell their shit and make money from it. You know, supporting local artists! It’s really cute, if I was good at something I’d have participated.”

Jeongguk thinks of things you’re good at, and there’s a lot. “Aw. There’s always next year.”

“Yeah,” you reason. “Anyway- point is, is that I got you something.”

Jeongguk stills for a second, glancing over his right shoulder to see you, “Me?”

“Yep. You.”

“What did you get?” he asks, and then he’s back to checking blueprints.

You untangle your legs and slide off the bed, retreating to your bag slung across the room by the bedroom door. From here, you take out a small little pin-badge and when you’re sat next to Jeongguk again, you fiddle with it until it catches his attention.

“What’s this?” asks Jeongguk.

“It’s a badge of honour,” you claim, and you slip it into his palms. He fingers the front when he examines it, reading the little words of “Number One Dad” and he stares up at you. “Like it?”

“It’s for me?” he asks again.

“Yeah. You can wear it and like, I don’t know, think of me,” you shrug.

Jeongguk thinks for a moment. Even though it’s stupid, and cliche and a little bit embarrassing, he still thinks it’s funny and thoughtful.

“Want me to wear it to work?” he asks you.

“Oh, absolutely,” you encourage. “I’ll get Taehyung an uncle badge if he gets pissy.”

“Hey, you’re mine and he’s not allowed a relationship to you, no matter what definition,” Jeongguk pouts. “He wants a sugar niece, well...he’ll have to look somewhere else.”

You gape. “Wow. Who thought you had it in you to be so possessive.”

“Please, with a pussy like that of course I’m possessive,” he teases. He’s joking.

“My power,” you sigh anyway, and jump off the bed claiming that you’re hungry. Jeongguk looks at the badge again and pops it in his breast pocket before he loses it and regrets it.

(9) Participating in their hobby even if it doesn’t personally interest you.

Jeongguk’s bored out of his brain.

He has no idea how you can be so fascinated by this stupid game where you’re essentially in debt, but he still sits and watches you tour him around this weird island that is inhabited by ducks and an ugly gorilla villager dressed in pink. And to think that he had a part to play in all of this, because his bank account definitely helped pay for this Nintendo Switch and game.

“Do you like my beach?” you ask him. It’s literally just sand and one coconut tree, and a few shells by the water. Oh, there’s a beach chair on there too, but it makes little difference. “I’m poor, I can’t afford furniture yet.”

“Can’t you just make it?”

“I can, but I’m sick of making axes to collect wood,” you explain with a grudge against the fact that tools now break in this Animal Crossing game. Jeongguk hums like he’s invested, and he tries to be, because he cares about you too much to unintentionally hurt your feelings by displaying his crippling disinterest.

“Oh. Makes sense.”

“Can I show you my hybrid flower garden?”

He sighs. “Yeah, you wanted to show me all of your island, right?”

You nod enthusiastically. “Once you’ve had a tour, I can make you a profile and you can play too. You can live next door to me!”

“Why can’t we share a house?” Jeongguk presses.

“Because I don’t think it works like that, babe,” you confess. “Anyway. Here’s my garden.”

(10) Sitting in comfortable silence while eating a meal.

He’s tired. You’re tired.

The radio plays quietly updating Seoul on the fires that spread across the city today, and Jeongguk smells like smoke and salt. He keeps his head down as he eats his meal, something he brought home with him to make up for the fact that he’s been absent for almost a week now. You have so many things to say and he has so many things he needs to say to make up for everything, but nothing is said tonight.

You know he’s having a hard time, because Jeongguk’s been smoking again. He smoked on the balcony earlier, and once again in the bedroom. There are now ashtrays around your own apartment, and you don’t even smoke. Jeongguk takes a drink of bourbon and swallows it dry.

You look up at him from across the table, not wanting to press the issue when you know it’ll end in an argument, and then sex to make up for it. You’re both too tired to fuck today, too tired to speak. Just being in each other's company is enough for tonight. The only words he says are goodnight and something you don’t catch as you’re drifting off to sleep. Jeongguk’s awake all night, the fires burn until early hours, and the smoke smell is still there in the morning even when he isn’t.

[reversecreek]

ziggy strutting up to me like this gif as i hold up a crucifix n say begone begone vile beast BEGONE from my vicinity i will NOT buy u a happy meal wretched little boy...... some live action rp to start this off..... and SCENE. takes my bow. his pinterest is here n his playlist is here.

* dylan minnette, cis male + he/him  | you know ziggy benson, right? they’re twenty-four, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, all of his life? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to hand crushed by a mallet by 100 gecs like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole glitching televisions impaled by remotes, nonchalantly texting the babes as a stove fire ravages your kitchen & cartoons turned up so loud it fries your eardrums thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is november 24th, so they’re a sagittarius, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( nai, 24, gmt she/her  )

HISTORY;

from the second ziggy ws born he didnt stop screaming. within the first hours of his life he gave his father an ear splitting headache tht prompted him to say “that uncooked chicken’s fucking demonic” n joke abt popping “it” in the oven to roast. when this understandably received disgusted glances frm the nursing staff he ws all like “jeez alright alright i’m kiddin i’m kiddin can’t a guy have a joke around here?” n i feel like that sets up their dynamic so nice n sweetly <3 (sarcasm) (lips pursed)

frm day one he ws just honestly a rly hyperactive child. when he laughed he’d shriek it out at the absolute top of his lungs bc he’d just get this huge giddy surge of energy all the way to the very tips of his toes n it’d hit him like a shock from a fork in a plug socket. their parenting style ws rly just lazy tbh.... they didn’t have much time for disciplining him. ziggy’s mum wld halfheartedly be like “ziggy quiet now....” n then go bk to nuking whatever vegetables she’d defrosted until they tasted like dinosaur bones..... this wld not make any difference in ziggy’s behaviour

his father rly just took the stance that it ws ziggy’s mum’s job to discipline him or raise him in general which is. 🔪 please enter the 20th century sir.... get ur noggin sorted..... needless to say he wsn’t much involved in ziggy’s life n honestly generally jst didn’t like him. ziggy was a responsibility he didn’t want (accidental prregnancy) n in his literal words once said (blatantly while ziggy ws watching cartoons on the sofa) tht ziggy just “harshes my fucking vibe a lil bit”. 

he wound up leaving when ziggy was six ish.... ziggy watched thru a crack in the blinds as his mum tried to grab at his jacket to make him stay as he lugged out his suitcase..... she even tried to physically cling onto him so he cldn’t get in his ride bt the door wound up slamming n she sat on her knees watching the lights pull out the drive n even long after they were gone. ziggy didn’t rly kno what to do abt this (emotions hd never been smthn he particularly understood, his own or how to handle other people’s) so after watching her fr 5 minutes he went out n gently shook her shoulder n was like. mom come inside u look weird out here. FKGHSFHGSFHKGFHKSGSFGHK. this was him trying to show love <3

ziggy’s mum is like.... rly relationship dependent. she gets all her self worth n validation frm whtever man she’s dating.... so she went on this like.... wild rampage of jst. dating a very large string of men. they ranged frm dreadfully boring to downright awful n were always below her standards. ziggy quite literally hated. all of them. every last one. even one that tried to b nice to him by offering to help him do his math homework when he ws 13 (bc ziggy was struggling a lot w this) n in response ziggy loudly barked until the man gt scared n stumbled backwards into a dining chair on his way out of the room. KGHFHKSJHFJGSHKFG

while him n his mum hv a kind of strained situation (there’s a great deal of resentment from her end n kind of. blaming him fr “driving his father away” n it’s never spoken abt bt it’s very much Present in their relationship n honestly ziggy kind of resents her too fr bringing some of the men into their lives tht she did) there is. love there...... sometimes she’ll like. reach out to cup the back of his head n he’ll duck his head away n be like wtf are u doing checking me for lice? n she’ll jst smile like :)...... knowing that’s how he loves. KHSFGKJGHKSFGFHKGSHF. ugh we love men who know how to process their emotions yesssss king give us nothing <3

(abuse n violence tw) idk i won’t go into it too much bt even tho ziggy’s constantly like 🙄 when his mum shows him affection he wld quite literally. kill fr her n almost did one time.......... narrowly avoided getting charged w assault when one of her bfs was drunk n evil n he went into protective mode.... idk he. has gone thru a lot n seen a lot n so has his mum. they look after each other the best they kno how despite the negatives in their relationship.... it’s complex <3

literally got in trouble so. often. at school. he ws always hyperactive (undiagnosed adhd n also probably not helped by the fact he ws jst allowed to eat sm junk food w 459729457952 sugar percentage all hours of the day) bt when his dad left n like. dealing w acting out so severely at home where his mum’s bfs were concerned it rly escalated..... i jst think he ws like. literally a terror. probably got suspended so many times. maybe even was permanently expelled before he cld get his diploma honestly. set off a firework in school hallway. smthn absolutely reckless n stupid.

hs hd a bunch of jobs mostly in the service industry...... usually ends up getting fired.... worked at mcdonald’s fr a while n then one day he went in rly high n ate three cheeseburgers in front of a weeping child who hd ordered one.... promptly gt fired bt he ws like yo fuck this place i’m quitting n threw off his apron n was like who’s with me??? who’s joining the union??????? to the rest of the staff n they were all mostly like >_> <_< before security approached to forcibly remove him n he grabbed a cookie n crammed it into his mouth in rebellion mid frantic n frankly possessed escape.....

in terms of wht’s going on to this day w his living situation i honestly think he still lives w his mum. i can just see this. KHGFSKGHSFGKSFGH. in like. a ramshackle bungalow in delphinus heights.... having said tht she probably isn’t. there tht often nw she’s dating her latest man (jonas, somehow always sweaty no matter the weather, wears too many gold rings n smells like shoe cleaner) who owns a car dealership n thinks he’s a kingpin for it. still home sometimes tho.

PERSONALITY:

ziggy spends his days working shifts at an ice cream parlour (one he got fired from once bc he broke in high n ate sm ice cream he was lay on the floor in the bk pants unbuttoned stomach bulging sm calling himself garfield saying he had too much lasagna. they hired him bk tho bc he has a harem of middle aged women who lust after him n it brings customers....) or like. cruising parties...... setting off fireworks.... skateboarding...... breaking into abandoned buildings.... filming stupid jackass type tricks....... playing guitar hero...... getting drunk at the arcade..... sometimes busking fr cash in a tossed dwn hat (very badly) (thinks he’s sick at it however)........ or alternatively...... fucking chicks aha...... fuck.......... not exclusive to chicks tho just had to sound despicable bt :smirk: he’s bi Baby.... 

i won’t lie he’s kind of an asshole................ never rly was taught properly how to empathise with ppl so like he struggles w that....... sometimes he’ll say smthn tht’s genuinely just quite mean n doesn’t need to be said but he doesn’t rly realise it’s like bad. n he’s like. what’s the deal haha why are u mad...... 

fuckboy. genuinely jst. rly summarises it well. insatiable. sleeps around wildly. will say he’ll call u back n then will not call u back. lies like oh babe i’m moving to france tomorrow fuckkkkkkkkk sucks so bad that we can only have one night but let’s make it special yeah? tits? n then they’ll see him casually skating past them on the street a week later n be like well clearly he’s not in france. ziggy doesn’t care.

calls himself a “genius inventor” bc he once gutted a vintage analog television n made it into a fish tank. it literally leaked water a bit. still convinced he is a literal visionary never seen before never done again. he’s like i’m on the brink of greatness. i’m the next einstein.

has a bit of a god complex where he thinks he’s the sexiest person in any given room n it’s kind of funny bc like dylan minnette’s sexy to me bt tht isn’t a widespread opinion n ur being a bit bold ziggy...... regardless has confidence thru the roof tht isn’t rly deterred by anything or anyone.....

dyes his hair 49729572459752 colours every colour under the sun. sometimes all at once jst different patches. wears lots of tie dye tshirts n basketball shorts even tho he doesn’t play basketball. rly colourful sneakers. just lots of loud colours tbh. often wears a paper clip in his ear as an earring. pierced it himself. someone probably recorded him doing it fr his insta story. probably was drunk.

drives a vespa around tht is baby blue with pastel yellow polka dots. it has lots of tin cans attached to the back by string like on those cars when u just got married. he did not just get married. u can hear him arriving frm over a street away.

almost never pays fr anything bt is always like “yo it’s my treat” n then either dine n dashes or u have to pay

his idea of romance is nuking a hot pocket as breakfast in bed n then complaining he’s hungry n eating half

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

fuckboy antics: he’s insatiable. rabid. notorious. mayb they fkd n he didn’t call........ jst completely ghosted........ mayb they were genuinely into him n he honestly built up kind of false pretences abt them having a connection n then jst dipped..... cld  b good fr angst n drama <3 someone please egg his house he deserves it <3

high skl heathens: locals tht were equally chaotic in hs..... just picture him having this group of misfits tht were like so loud n always getting up to no good doing god knows what god knows where.... probably gt arrested together breaking into an old abandoned hospital one time........... rly just doing the absolute most at all times............. probably so loud........... drinking n smoking far too much.....

an attempted teenage relationship: i’m like. tentative to even put this one bc i just feel like ziggy wld be a shit bf. KJHGFSHGFHGSFHGFKGHFKSG. but. maybe it ended in drama.....i’d say this wld probably be a girl bc in hs he probably ws less open w his sexuality... maybe ziggy cheated on her or she cheated on him................ angst........ strife.... we love it we love it........ i crash my car into the bridge... i don’t care... i love it... sudden icona pop moment me stood on stage singing karaoke.... it’s just gone 7am as i write this so i apologise if this is losing any. coherency. smiles so sexy....

last adolescent plot i swear: i picture when ziggy was expelled he somehow amassed a large group to protest w signs outside the school fr him to be accepted back. it didn’t work. he threw a party when he received news he hadn’t got back in anyway. maybe ur muse was involved or helped organise this or was violently opposed.

enemies: ppl who just. don’t like ziggy bc like honestly that’s so fair n valid. KJHGFKGHKSFGHSGKHSFHG..... mayb he like. exploded their mailbox one time when they were younger. mayb he skated over their toes. mayb he fucked their bitch aha fuck................. (joking btw) (don’t condone misogyny) (hashtag feminism). cld be fun to play around w

fwb: probably hs a few of these......... mayb they’re cool w things being no strings attached n lax n at ease w ziggy being the mess tht he is in general..... mayb they want more bt ziggy cannot provide...... mayb they literally don’t get on at all n this is their only mutual ground n they keep coming bk to each other.... :smirk:..... whatever u Farncy....

maybe ziggy’s mum dated ur muse’s dad at one point???? we can discuss this if u think it fits..... cld be fun to play around w............

coworkers: past or present r fun..... mayb they were like WTFFF is this guy fking ONNN at a past job (he’s had a few in the food service industry so pretty open in tht area)... mayb they work w him at the ice cream parlour now..... cn discuss the dynamic probably wld be dependent on the muse involved fr like. how he’d act n stuff.... :yum:

[isabellitah]

I DEMAND A FLUFFY KLAUS IMAGINE🤬🤬🤬

🤍 KLAUS x SIBLING

Title : safe place

Pairing : none but this focuses on Eightie's relationship with Klaus

Warning : a bit of angst at first and some cuss words

Request : I DEMAND A FLUFFY KLAUS IMAGINE🤬🤬🤬

Note : yOU WOULDN’T TELL ME IF YOU WANTED SIBLING FLUFF OR ROMANCE FLUFF SO SIBLING FLUFF IT IS AND- YOUR CAT IS ADORABLE HMPH HUGS AND KISSES FROM ME 🤧

you landed on your ass in a random alley at night on 1960 at Dallas alone

you heard a faint click from afar but ignored it

shaking your head from its daze, you stood up and left the alley- set on looking for your family

-

Klaus desperately tried to push back all his anxious thougts that immediately plagued him

Why was he here?

Where even was he?

Where were his siblings?

Luther?

Diego?

Allison?

Five?

Ben?

Vanya?

Eightie?

Oh God-

Eightie-

Wait are any of you even alive?

Was he the only one who made it?

What made him, of all people, deserving of life over his brothers and sisters?

What was he going to do now?

A sob broke out of Klaus. He- no one can help him. No- no one he knows is alive... He’s alone. Shit- he’s all alone.

-

About three days later, Klaus was starving. He hasn’t eaten anything but the leftover’s from the dumpsters and whatever people were willing to give him. He was so close to giving up- I mean- he can barely be sober; how is he meant to stop the apocalypse without any of you?

He stumbled out of the alley he came from- it’s been his home for the past few days- as he followed the familiar and enticing smell of diner food. Growing up going to Griddy’s with his siblings, Klaus knew the smell of a home-cooked style meal when he smelled one. And his stomach did too as it twisted into knots of starvation. Not bothering to think anything through, he flung open the door to the diner and dropped himself into a booth near the door. Aside from the bell on top of the door ringing, what caught nearly the entire diner’s attention were his clothes. Compared to the other inhabitants of the diner – the men’s nicely pressed trousers paired with comfortable overcoats and the women’s long skirts and petticoats – Klaus’s tattered and sleeveless army shirt, laced leather pants, shaggy hair, and dirt covered face instantly earned him the full attention of the diner.

Normally Klaus thrived off of receiving attention. But God he’s tired. He doesn’t have the energy to be happy or embarrassed- he honestly just wanted good food and his family. He was so tired that he didn’t even feel it when his eyes shut closed. The firmness of the booth chair and the cool air from the air conditioner were a nice change to a cold and unforgiving ground.

-

You’ve been here in the 60s for about two weeks now. You haven’t seen any of your siblings yet but you know they’re alive somewhere- it was a gut feeling and it was what pushed you to where you are now. Luckily you had a mini sling bag with you when you all time travelled so you had some money. And that some money which would’ve been moderate for your time, was a big amount in the 60s. You were comfortable enough to have rented a luxurious apartment and not need to work for a few years but you loved helping people. And so- you found a job here at Gladys’ Diner as ‘Tee’, and you rented a comfortable two-bedroom apartment not far from here; just in case you run into any of your siblings and they need a home. It was hard at first- making up lies on why you lived alone and how you got the money you have but- you made it. Lost in your thoughts, you didn’t hear a thing until you were called by your fellow co-worker, “Uhh, Tee?” resisting the urge to flinch, you turned to face her.

You turned to your normally happy co-worker and were immediately worried for she had a concerned look on her usually smiley face, “is somethig the matter?” In response, she discreetly pointed her pen towards the booth by the entrance. Following the pen’s direction you were immediately met with the sight of a man with dark hair and grimy skin leaning against the back of the bench with his legs stretched out across the booth under the table and eyes fallen shut. He looked oddly familiar but eh. It might be your wishful thinking once again. After all- you did imagine hearing Luther’s voice calling for Allison not that long ago- but upon looking out your window, it was just an old man so you didn’t bother. You did give that old man five dollars the next day though.

“You wanna switch for today?” you asked as she nodded in a way that instantly made you assume that she was thinking something along the lines of, ‘Better you than me.’ And so you took the notepad and pen from her and left her to cater to the counter.

Upon seeing you make your way towards the unknown man, most customers looked away while some - mostly men - continued looking just in case you needed help. Their wives did after all adore you as you had the optimism and smile of someone youthful thus bringing up this urge in them to protect you. You arrived beside the booth and put a hand on the man’s shoulder. He tensed at the contact before looking at you and once the dazed look disappeared, he stared at you in a horrified manner, “O- Oh God- Eightie- y-you’re d-” you were shocked yet elated to see your brother but you knew you had to calm him, “I’m not dead, Klausy,” you sat beside him and wrapped your arms around him as he buried his face in between your neck, “I’m right here with you, okay? I’m not leaving you any time soon.”

Seeing this, the customers looking at you looked away.

You slowly detached yourself from him- much to his displeasure, “now, Klausy, what do you wanna eat? Hmm?”

“Service water, please. And if you have any crackers, I’ll take those too, please.” you rose an eyebrow but knew arguing with him would lead to nowhere in the state he was in. Klaus started to shiver from one, the air conditioning, two his slightly wet clothes, and three, from the harsh wind that came from outside when a couple entered the diner. “coming right up, Klausy,” you felt your heart break at the state your brother was in. After returning to the kitchen to fill up a cup with water, you grabbed a pot of hot chocolate and poured some into a mug, along with a plate of buttered toast before returning to the table. Looking at your co-worker, you gave her ten dollars and upong seeing her bewildered look, you told her that this was one of your siblings who went missing a few weeks ago. Lookig at you with empathy, she gave you your five dollars back and said she’ll half with you. You tried to convince her otherwise but she was stubborn and told you to go and spend time with your brother, and that she was willing to take your shift for the remaining day. It was a calm day, after all, so it wouldn’t be much trouble. Taking off your apron, you thanked her and brought your tray to Klaus’ table.

Placing the tray down, you sat down across your brother who had his head in his hands, you said, “I put in an order for you as well. I hope you still like your eggs scrambled and with tomatoes and onions,”

“Nononono- I- Eightie I ca-” he struggled to say what he had in mind as he looked at you in panic, “Eightie- I can’t pay for this. I can’t pay for anything- I don’t have any money.”

“It’s okay, Klausy, I got you.” Y/N said with a reassuring smile.

“No Eightie. I don’t want to be anymore of a burden. I-I’m fine with some crackers,” he tried to argue, “I’m skinny, I don’t need a lot of food.” even though he knew arguing with you when it came to his health was futile.

“You’re my last customer before my shift is over, Klausy. It’s okay. Don’t worry about. You’re never a burden, okay? After this, we’re going to m- our place. You’ll shower and change clothes, I bought clothes in everyone’s sizes just in case, and we can talk- or rest. Whichever comes first.”

“... Okay,” a gentle smile fell over Klaus’s face. You talked as he ate and when he was done eating and drinking, you found your old Klausy back. Your conversation jumped from so many different topics that didn’t even relate to the other. It was chaotic- but it was fun. It was a safe place for Klaus. Being with you, that is. You’re his safe place. He remembers that now.s

-

You ended up travelling anywhere and everywhere you can with Klaus- and yes, he still ended up making his cult. It was a very... interesting thing to experience. Throughout their entire journey, they had each other as the other’s safe space. Where they could let out all their fears and worries and anxieties with no fear of being judged. The safe space where they knew they were genuinely loved for being themselves- flaws and all.

And one night, Klaus let out one of his biggest insecurities.

You were both seated in the fireplace of the mansion of one of his cult members just relaxing when he all of a sudden asked, “what’s my purpose in life?” thrown off, all that left your mouth was a “huh?”

Klaus’ chuckle had a tinged of sadness to it as he repeated his question. You thought hard on it before answering him, “you never really know, Klausy. Each decision we make leads to a different path- a different purpose each time and we can never actually guess where we’ll end up in. All we can do is try our best and hope for the best.”

It was silent as Klaus processed what you said. While he was thinking, you rested your head on Klaus’s shoulder to give him comfort.

“What if I’m in the wrong path now? What if- what if this is it for me? Like, I have a cult for me- what if that’s my only purpose in life?”

“You’re not. You know why? You found me- by accident, yes but you found me. Had you chose a different diner to enter, you wouldn’t have ever found me- we both would’ve been miserable. Also- just because you got to your goal, that doesn’t mean you’re at the destination you’re meant to be in. No matter what path you choose- I’ll always- always be here for you, okay, Klausy? I’m not leaving you anytime soon.”

With tears in his eyes, Klaus straightened his back and wrapped his arms around you, prompting you to sit on his lap. You wrapped your arms around him in return as he buried his neck into where you neck and shoulder met.

“Thank you, Eightie... for everything. For being there for me even when I couldn’t be sober to save my self. For being there when I was struggling to become and stay sober. And for being here now. Thank you for never giving up on me even when everyone else, including I, did.”

“You’re family, Klaus. And you forever will be. You’ll always be a part of my life. And just like what you told me not even a year ago, if you ever need me, I’ll be here for you. That’s what family is for.”

Klaus smiled as you continued brushing a hand through his hair.

[khadij-al-kubra]

Imagine, if you will, FtM single dad Patton and little anxious kid Virgil. Based off of “Rockabye” (Acoustic Version) sung by The Mayries. Patton is kicked out of his house after coming out and his trashy bf dumps him after finding out Pat’s pregnant. Pat works day in and day out to support Virgil and one day, he meets Logan. Single dad Lo with little maniac energy Roman. Logan, I dunno let’s be cheesy, own a coffee shop and meets the overworked dad and it’s just Bam. Love at first coffee.

Okay, I just listened to the song and….literal tears! ~TT^TT~ I absolutely ADORE this idea! The Patton angst hurts my heart but luckily i’m good at taking angst and making fluff! So Lets take this wonderful idea of yours a step further lovely anon! [Disclaimer, long post ahead] Picture this:

Rockabye AU:

Logan was divorced from his wife Valerie because they grew apart. The union ended amicably and even though Logan got majority custody because the mom travels a lot for work (part of why their marriage didn’t work out) Roman and his mom do still have a healthy relationship even if they don’t see each other often. She and Logan actually make better friends than they ever did as husband and wife!! XD

His coffee shop is right next to a University where he substitute teaches part time to help with the bills. And his coffee shop is called the Logos Roast (because he roasts people with logic and that is the ONLY pun he will ever admit to making XD). The coffee shop is popular with students and professors, so along with the sub work he makes a fairly comfortable living.

Roman is all over the place, energetic, imaginative and on the autism spectrum (because I SAY SO) yet Logan loves him to bits!!! He encourages Roman’s imagination and love of the arts by reading him classic fairytales and myths from all different cultures and will play violin (yes he plays violin to relax because why not?) for him. It’s one of the only two things that’ll calm Roman. The other being his super soft & soothing stuffed dragon he takes everywhere. They both also share a love of astronomy, and sometimes Roman will make up stories with them.

There’s a corner of the coffee shop with chairs and bookshelves for people to read in and Roman will often be found there either coloring or reading grimms fairy tales. Logan has to take his son to work with him somedays, and it’s tough helping customers AND keeping an eye on his son.

He meets Patton one day when the stressed single dad comes in and orders a hot chocolate with a shot of espresso, whipped cream and cinnamon, holding his small six year old son on his hip. Logan is immediately smitten but notices the sadness in Patton’s soulful blue eyes, yet he still has this tired yet hopeful and bright smile. Logan says hi gently to Virgil, smiling in a way that the normally shy child actually opens up to a bit. Virgil has selective mutism (again why not? because i say so) and his Papa has been teaching him sign from a book borrowed from the library. Logan catches Virgil signing something and signs back (he took ASL in college). He gives Patton the order and writes a line of Shakespeare’s sonnet on the side. Logan also offers (with Patton’s permission and checking no allergies) Virgil a chocolate chip cookie fresh from the oven, his treat. Patton reads this, sees Virgil’s tiny smile,  and smiles so brightly. 

Logan is head over heels!!! He is not good with emotions. He is all books and logic and organization and keeping a modicum of control in order to support his son and keep his once chaotic life (divorce be a bitch) under control. But Patton has now become the X factor in his life and honestly, he doesn’t want to subtract him from the equation. Not this bright beautiful soul.

Patton comes to the Logos Roast at least twice a week now as a treat, especially because it’s by one of the places he works at. He and Logan start talking more and more, little by little and form a bond. Patton wont admit to himself how much he likes Logan though. Mind you, he finds Logan EXTREMELY attractive. But Patton thinks he has no time for romance and frankly has been guarding his heart like a dragon’s hoard ever since is ex abandoned him and their child. So while he’s willing to be friends with this kind and brilliant single dad (you bet your ass they bond over that and share parenting tips), he refuses to fall in love.

Virgil and Roman even get to becoming friends, which both dad’s are very happy about. Even though Roman normally has a lot of energy and doesn’t have much of a filter, Virgil and him bond over mutual love of disney. (it helped that Virgil was wearing a Winnie the Poo shirt from goodwill under a patched up oversized Jack Skellington hoodie) Six year old Roman learns to tone it down around the shy and sound sensitive anxious Virgil, because he intuitively understands what it’s like to get sensory overloads. And Virgil happily listens to Roman rant about his favorite subjects and stories he makes up. They also both like to draw together when their dads are busy. Patton is so happy and proud that his bright but shy son finally found a friend!

One day Patton comes in and he looks more tired than usual (which is saying something) and Logan can’t help but ask what’s wrong, and his tone is so sincere and gentle that Patton burst into tears. It’s been a HARD week for Patton, between balancing his jobs as a waiter at a diner by the waterline at night, working part time at an animal shelter (which he actually enjoys), and working as a janitor on weekends. He hates the diner job most of all because his boss is also horrible and leers at him, stupid hips and chest; he didn’t used to mind his body most days,it gave him Virgil after all, but he HATES being seen as a girl AND leered at, and it’s not like he can afford a binder. Patton does his best to make time for Virgil and keep him in school, or at least tame him to the public library, but he’s tired and overworked and after five years on his own he just doesn’t know what to do anymore!!! And he’s so scared that social services might take Virgil away from him if they think he’s not able to take care of his son, and Virgil is all he has left in this world, he just cant LOSE HIM!!! Patton promised Virgil the day he was born that he’d give his son the life he deserved someday but it’s so HARD! He just can’t do it alone! He just weeps.

Logan’s protective instincts kick in and he immediately tries his best to calm Patton down, even going around the counter to embrace Patton. this is the first time they’ve touched beyond hand brushes and they both just melt into each other. Logan asks his co-worker Remy to cover for him while he takes Patton around back. Remy’s been seeing their obvious chemistry for a while now and agrees happily. 

With gentle comfort and encouragements, and after talking the man through some breathing exercises, Patton finally tells Logan his whole story. By the end Logan is FURIOUS at this douchebag and Patton’s family for abandoning him and Virgil (whom he now adores) for his gender, sexuality, and child. But he also now has even greater admiration for Patton, this forlorn yet hopeful and bright as sunlight soul who’s become the object of his deepest affections, more so than anyone else in his life! (well next to his son of course)

Logan offers to help Patton. He wants to because not only has he come to care for Patton and Virgil both, but because he knows that Patton is capable of so much more in his life, of doing great things for himself and others, if he just had a little more support. Logan asks Patton to let him be his support for now, or for as long as he let’s him be. Logan emphasizes his last please with a kiss to the back of Patton’s hands. ANd as he hold them and they look into each other’s eyes, Patton see’s just how much Logan means this and means to him. He nods yes, and two days later, he and Virgil have moved in with Logan.

Patton insists on “earning his keep” by offering to cook and help keep the house clean. Since Logan is actually a pretty terrible cook, both he and Roman are actually really grateful to have Patton’s help in the kitchen. Plus, his food is HEAVENLY OH MY GOSH!! Logan offers Patton a job at the coffee shop part time as the baker, and because of this he is able to quit his diner and janitor jobs. Patton couldn’t be happier. Even Virgil seems happier and is sleeping better knowing his Papa isn’t so stressed and sad anymore. Plus it helps that they aren’t sleeping together on a mattress in a cold one floor apartment.

Overtime Logan and Patton grow closer and closer, and they get along really well with each other’s sons. Logan is a great source of calm and quiet for Virgil, and Patton actually has the energy and effervescence (as well as the patience) to keep up with Roman. They can’t help but laugh and blush however when one day they come home from work to find a messy kitchen, a battery candle lit dinner, and their two eight/nine year old sons covered in food bits waiting for them. (the boys may have gotten the idea from The Parent Trap XD)

Finally Patton and Logan officially start a relationship. Patton opens himself up again, Logan subtly yet significantly becomes better at displaying his emotions, and Logan even helps Patton through his dysphoric days. Logan always assures Patton that he sees him for the strong, kind, handsome man that he is and not as a woman. Yes, Logan is attracted to both men and women, but he fell for Patton’s soul, not his body. And Patton feels the exact same way, because okay, he admits it, he ADORES Logan! They balance each other out in way neither of them ever knew they needed. (plus their chemistry is, well, brewing quite nicely in other ways on nights when uncle Remy and his partner Dante offers to babysit the kids ;D )

When they have a holiday dinner with Logan’s family over they all get to meet the Patton and Virgil they’ve heard so much about. Turns out Logan’s got a big family since his parents are polyamorous. So he has two moms, a dad, an enby and three sibling. All of whom welcome Patton with open arms. (give my boy a better family than his birth parents goddamnit!) During dinner, Logan makes a fumbled nervous but heartfelt declaration of love for Patton, gets down on one knee, presents a ring to Patton and asks if he will give him the honor and joy of becoming his husband? Patton of course says yes.

They have a simple wedding with close friends and family on the university campus with a reception in the library. (it’s a fancy ass university and Logan pulled some strings). Patton wears a fetching suit, complete with his brand new binder that Valerie (because yes they met, logan did gush to her about him over phone calls, and became besties) gifted him. And to everyone’s slight surprise Logan decided to wear a silvery wedding dress with a midnight blue blazer over it, because screw gender constraints he wanted to look and feel elegant on his wedding day to the most beautiful man he’s ever met, and Patton is in joyful tears. and of course Virgil and Roman are the flower boy and ring bearer. 

They become husbands, Patton feels loved for who he is, Logan is the happiest he’s ever been, Roman has a new Papa and brother, Virgil has a new Dad and brother, and they all found family in each other. While Patton may have started out scared an alone, he got back more than he ever could’ve dreamed for himself and his son. Safety, family, home and love. More than that, he was finally able to keep his promise to his baby boy. For that, it was all worth it.

THE END!!! I hope you enjoy it anon and everyone because holy heck did i cry writing this but ADlsjkfa THANK YOU FOR THE IDEA!!!!

[ruthandliamgoplaces]

Last two weeks in Nepal!

Our last two weeks have flown by, and I am writing this in the air on flight number one to Oman. The next blog entry shall tell tales of our time in Pokhara, a yoga retreat, and then, similar to my fate in Portugal last year - the Great Malaise- I got ill for the last 5 days of our trip!

Back in Civilisation- Pokhara.

After the Annapurna Circuit we spent two nights in Pokhara, a large city located on a picturesque lake with a beautiful bustling and colourful tourist area. Pokhara, busier with tourists than Kathmandu, is the hub for most of the trekking industry and the majority of people stay here before and after their treks. It therefore has lots of amenities to please the tourists, and is awash with hostels, swanky (by Nepal standards) hotels and spa resorts. There are loads of eateries and coffee shops, some restaurants even do pretty spot on Western food and there is a KFC and a Baskin and Robbins! There are also quite a few bars. In this Westernised bubble, many tourists don’t bother to respect the local Nepali cultural customs of modest clothes, and lots of bum cheeks are falling out of short shorts, or biceps peeping out of vests.

After 40 days of the same menus (fried bread, fried rice, fried potato or fried omelette, with fried cabbage, fried onion or fried carrot), we got stuck in immediately to eating different food! Well, not immediately. As usual in Nepal, nothing quite goes to plan. The hotel we had booked had been overbooked... so we had to be moved to a different hotel... as usual in Nepal, no apology is really made for these mishaps, the proprietor just smiles your questioning face into oblivion with his magical spell of “no problem!”. It was a problem, as the hotel we were moved to was not as good as the one we booked, but we still had to pay the price of the original hotel.... ah well. We were so tired, it mattered little. On the plus, we were reunited with our bag (yay!) and spoiled ourselves by wearing some different clothes! Also, we were moved to the hotel we had actually booked the following day, and got to enjoy the luxury! The manager had at least given us the best room to compensate for the night before, and we had a beautiful balcony and amazing views.

We passed two happy days in Pokhara, drinking wine and cocktails, and browsing the many shops selling souvenirs and clothes, and replaced some of our tatty clothes. We also bought some clothes for yoga, as we had decided to go to a retreat for a week!

On the third day we moved to Begnas Tal Yoga retreat, and I took with me about 40 mosquito bites on my feet, acquired from the carefree cocktail devouring session wearing flip flops by the lake. Thank god I didn’t have to wear my walking boots again, as I am slightly allergic and the bites were hot, red, itchy and angry, and kept me unwanted company, right up until we left Begnas!

Begnas Yoga Retreat

We arrived in Begnas after a 25 minute taxi journey from Pokhara, and were greeted by a glorious lake and jungle. Begnas is a very small town, also very popular with tourists but far less developed than Pokhara. It is rural and peaceful, well... peace from traffic. On our first night I had one of the worst nights sleep I’ve had in Nepal due to a very very loud bird, whose song will forever be burned into my mind. The bird was defending its nest in a tree outside our window for the whole week we were there, by singing the same alarming song on repeat with no gaps. It was particularly loud at night, and we were glad we had ear plugs! The song always begins innocently enough, but quickly builds, increasing in volume, pitch and frequency until it sounds like a high pitched squealing menace. I honestly think the bird could be used as an instrument of torture. Everyone at the retreat joked about the bird, as we all suffered it’s pitched perils. We even prayed to it to try and ask it to move trees! Our prayers were mostly unanswered.

The retreat schedule was roughly 6.30 walking meditation, 7.00 Nasal Irrigation (!) 7.30-9.00 Yoga, 9.30 Breakfast, 11.00 Treatment, 13.00 Lunch, 15.00 Yoga Theory, 17.00 Yoga, 19.30 Dinner and 21.00 Mantra and bed. Liam and I avoided the Mantra session and opted for bed and a western media meditation such as going on our phones!

The Nasal Irrigation requires some further explanation... apparently this is commonplace in Nepal... I remain unconvinced.

First, you pour about a decent sized mug full of warm salt water through one nostril, then the other. You tilt your head so the water pours out your other nostril... or if you have a blocked nose, your mouth. Then, you use a variety of techniques to evacuate the contents of your nose, blowing snot and water noisily all over the flowers and hillsides. So much snot comes out that it’s unbelievable that you could have so much. On my first day, water kept pouring from my nose for a good hour or so afterwards! Newcomers feel embarrassed by evacuating the contents of their nose in public... but quickly this process is normalised and you begin to become excited by the contents of your nose, and share tips for removing it, admiring each other’s snot loads. Yep.

The technique is said to clear your nose.. but my nose is never blocked anyway. I embraced it whilst I was there, but secretly mourned my delicate nose mucus which I’m sure does an excellent job and I suspect that my body harbours it for a reason. I also pushed to the back of my mind thoughts of the transmission of hepatitis, as we all merrily shared nasal baths together.

The yoga was really good, and we practiced twice a day in a glorious room with 360 degree panoramic views of mountains jungle and lake. We often stopped to watch birdlife and sunsets, or views of mountains, or laugh about The Bird. The only plague was mosquitos! Oh, and the Gurus mobile phone, his 3 year old daughter, and the ladies who came to take our food orders, who often also interrupted us!

The guru at the retreat was quite the character. As with everything in Nepal, the retreat was not quite like a retreat in the UK. The guru was quite often distracted during yoga or yoga philosophy, by his daughter, or tending some business, or by wanting to tell us some tale, or speak on the phone, or manage his staff. It was a new business, and sometimes it could be slightly chaotic! Things did not really run to schedules, and you never knew what you were going to get. It really didn’t matter though, we thought it was all part of the experience. Liam and I actually quite liked the lack of structure and discipline, we were tired and happy to lay around.

Not everyone agreed though, whilst we were there, one woman left three days early, and another left on the first night, creeping away under the cover of darkness, without telling anyone! We could understand why I suppose. If you were expecting a quiet nights sleep at a retreat, then you actually got a very loud bird, and a 3 year old who screamed periodically in the night! There was also the problem of the monsoon rains which flooded all the rooms several times (we learnt to stem the tides with towels), the lack of hot water (which we didn’t mind), and one guest’s bathroom smelt very badly (ours luckily was fine!). Or maybe it could have been eating your dinner sat on the kitchen floor with the ants and gigantic spiders (again, we didn’t mind).

All that being said, we had a wonderful time. The staff were all lovely and cooked us amazing fresh food every day. Much of the food was grown in the garden or collected from local markets. We saw gangs of wild monkeys cheekily stealing the food during the day! We were treated like gods, and fed constantly!

We also had some pretty amazing treatments. I had a mud bath, which included having my boobs massaged, which was, erm, an experience. In fact, by the end of the retreat, every female member of staff had managed some close encounter with my bare boobs. And I thought Nepal was a country shy about nudity. Not when it comes to doing beauty therapies it seems! The treatments were great though, we had massages, reiki healing, a steam bath, pedicure, oil bath... and were taken out on a boat and had a lovely picnic.

After the week was up, we were given a Buddhist blessing, and I felt close to tears feeling grateful for the experience of the retreat. It wasn’t quite the retreat I expected, but I got so much more. I got to share a week with a Nepali family and some lovely staff, and live in the jungle doing yoga twice a day. We learnt so much about local culture, from arranged marriages, road financing, education, the caste system, the Nepali wars and... unfortunately I also got to learn about illness...

The Great Plague

Having managed to avoid any illness for two months, Liam and I both contracted a sickness in the last week. We were both too grateful it hadn’t happened at any point before, such as at 5000m, to be too upset. Well, emotionally upset- our tummies were very upset! Liam got ill first, and his bug lasted 24 hours. I had to go and beat him.

The day before the end of the yoga retreat, I woke up and evacuated the contents of my stomach... and did so about 60 times that day, out of both ends. It was just litres of water coming out. Of course I googled cholera and thought it sounded the same, but Liam told me I was being a bit dramatic. Which it turns out, I probably was. Probably!

The illness was with me for four days, getting slowly better. But, it caused a great deal of concern as we had a plane to catch, and I wasn’t going anywhere considering I couldn’t even make the en-suite bathroom sometimes never mind go roaming in the wilds away from a room.

Never have I been more humiliated than to poo myself whilst we had an en-suite bathroom. And not just once. Four times.

Luckily, we had travel insurance and they had a telephone GP service. I sought some advice and the GP was hopeful my symptoms suggested a virus which would clear up in time for the plane (not cholera, after all, then). And she was right. Didn’t stop me spending the last 4 days of my holiday in bed though. I moved from the bed at the yoga retreat to a very nice hotel in Pokhara, and that was all I moved.

We didn’t mind too much. We had air conditioning, room service, a very comfy bed, and a TV! Liam even got to watch the football.

The end of Nepal

So, I recovered enough and now I’m in Oman airport. Our last day was spent on a bus to Kathmandu, a bus which we paid double for to have a bus with a toilet (just in case). A bus which broke down, and then we were promptly transferred to cheap bus, with no toilet (thankfully I didn’t need it) and no refund. Futhermore, the bus dropped us off on a different part of Kathmandu, so we had to pay extra on top for a taxi. But it’s ok though, the driver said “no problem”, so there was no problem. Paying double and some more to go on a bad bus. But hey, we made it!

Next stop... driving to France in a week!

[anonymoustoddler]

In Which I Get Stoned And Bitch About Work

Yesterday I worked for nine hours checking patients in with a weird system we had to make up on the fly due to the large number of people who came early and kept coming for seven straight hours. I ran hundreds (literally) of people through a software system and set of procedures I never got a full training in and could only practice with twice.

It was really really hard. And it wasn’t as fun as it was half a decade ago, the energy and the excitement and the teamwork. I stood directly behind the CEO for the media focused ribbon cutting. I welcomed hundreds of excited, mostly happy people into a brand new, gorgeous facility with flashy displays and top quality product.

I have been through this sort of experience so many times. So many iPhone and iPad and every other Apple product launches. I’ve clapped in guests and had little chats to make each quick transaction a bit more enjoyable for both of us. I’ve swapped stories with coworkers, joked around with managers who feel accessible, gotten frustrated and got mouthy for a minute about the inevitable mismanagement and poor planning for big turnout. For god’s sake, I’ve literally been photographed with and chatted with the CEOs of BOTH companies. And F****** is small now but... in a year, you’ll all be smoking their shit and a lot of you will be visiting them for medical and recreational. They’ll create more local jobs. They’ll be a leader in Michigan cannabis.

But I’m not the same person I used to be. I know so much more now. I know how shitty their consideration for their bottom rung employees is. Which really really matters when you watch THOSE employees literally building the guts of this business. Painstakingly unboxing, pricing, properly labeling, stocking, and creating displays of each and every product - and it’s medical weed so like let’s not forget that this is a process that you HAVE to pay attention to and be careful about.

It matters when you see a team stretched way too thin because it’s way too small, learning so much in such a short time (maybe that’s just me though honestly... I did learn two jobs instead of one, and I started at least a week after everyone else who got hired around the same time).

When there were still five or six hours left of the business day, I was informed we’d already done $20,000 in business since we opened that morning.

Twenty. Thousand. Dollars.

Not even a full day’s total.

And I get one half hour lunch for an 8 hour shift, no benefits, and I don’t even get time and a half pay for holidays unless I go full time.

I have to cap my hours at 17 a week because if I work more I’ll lose my medicaid and both my doctors expect to see me every three months and my meds cost money. I have to schedule another upper endoscopy, do you want to guess how much that would cost out of pocket, with the scope, the anesthesia, the gastroenterologist’s read of the scan and the after appointment, etc etc?? I don’t.

The Corporate team was swarming yesterday. Most of them didn’t even acknowledge us. Most of the people who did treated us with the unintentional condescension of people who feel they’re inherently better, smarter, and more deserving than you. They don’t mean to. They think they’re being kind.

But at the end of the day, they make annual salaries with solid benefit and possibly bonus packages, and you make an hourly rate higher than min wage but not even close to what you deserve considering you MAKE the company work. I mean, jesus, almost all the positive reviews I’ve seen so far specifically mention the great customer service/awesome employees. And yet, even with such disparity, they tried to cut our discount. There was an actual hours long discussion two days before grand open when Corporate wanted to cut our employee discount (for legal med patients working there) to almost nothing. They openly tried to take back a discount policy we ALL knew about, so they could charge US more despite working for the company. And we’re not a shady hole in the wall op in some creepy spot in Detroit that has dirty carts for half the usual price. This is higher end shit, and we’re the only game in town so prices can kind of be set with some flagrancy. Why would you want to make money off your employees who are not even getting what they deserve to begin with? How can you want MORE???

I’m not trying to shit on this place, really. With the company headquarters setting up in the same building, the growth plans of the company as a whole, and the potential doors this could open for me in the field of legal cannabis, this job is still a great opportunity. I’m learning a lot and after years out of the loop, it’s kind of nice to have a “real job” again. The team working on site are all nice and fun and pretty chill. I like and feel comfortable with everyone on the management team, but I also know I can’t get away with bullshit callouts with them so I have to practice the choice of either sucking it up and getting out of bed or making peace with potentially losing my job in a bad way. Those external consequences are the only things I can respond to anymore. It feels terrible and I’m still a miserable mass of depression, but.. I’m getting out of bed. 🤷🏻‍♀️

As usual, I got pretty far off track. My original point was, I think, that.. I miss my innocent days. I miss when I was 23 (hell, when I was 26, 27) and didn’t understand the evil of corporations or the exploitation of the workforce. I miss the days when I felt excited to be making almost $XX an hour because I’d never made more than that and it was a few bucks over minimum wage and I got really good insurance for not too much of my paycheck. I miss feeling like I mattered. I miss being ignorant enough to believe that anyone cared about me, that anyone could see how much I had to give and how smart and capable I was even if I also was sick more days than average. That I wasn’t just disposable chattel to make money for the people at the top and their investors. I miss living in the delusion that we were a family. It was a really powerful motivator, honestly. When you believe The Boss cares about you, is on the same team you are, is paying you a fair wage... when you don’t understand how bullshit that is.. Work feels a lot more bearable, I guess.

Yesterday I made it through nine chaotic, messy, Learn As You Go and Make It Work, non-stop, exhausting hours. I still have my job, and I intend to keep it for as long as possible. But I’ve also been forced to see just how much I’ve changed over the last decade. I’ve learned and seen and experienced so much that has affected how I see money, work, the world, being alive at all. I don’t think I can ever be enchanted anymore. I can’t be magicked into believing a dumpster of garbage is a treasure chest ever again. And as much as it matters to me to know the truth... I was a lot happier when I still saw a treasure chest instead of a rotting pile of trash. It’s just not as inspiring, you know?