#my journey outside for 10 minutes yesterday was the most I’ve done since last Friday

[angeltannis]

My family doesn’t want me to come out of my room for the full 10 days (which I understand, it was my idea to quarantine in here in the first place) but Man 10 days shut in your bedroom is horrendous…I’m only on day 8 and I’m Losing it

[youmakemebacon]

Heartfelt

IT IS ADMIN Y’S BIRTHDAY AND I HAVE WROTE THIS FIC FOR HER BECAUSE SHE IS TAFFY QUEEN. Sadly, it isn’t as long as hers but hey, size doesn’t matter okay ;)

Genre: bts crack, angst?, dick references...sexual references

Characters: namjoon x you

“Hi, my name is Y/N, what can I get you?”

“Can I get you?” He smirks, winking at the same time. Two indents on his cheeks appear and suddenly your heart melts. You blush as you are flattered by the unexpected compliment. However, you also know that in the real world, this would be considered creepy, but considering he’s an above average looking fella – you immediately smile.

“I don’t know, I don’t think you can afford that.” You flirtatiously respond. You unknowingly have elevated one leg to a 90-degree angle and start swaying ever so slightly making you look very playful.

He smiles again. “Try me.”

You immediately forget the line of customers waiting beyond the face of this handsome man and quickly jot down your 10-digit cell phone number on a napkin and slide it to him.

He bites his lip and nods as a thank you gesture. He walks away and that’s when you snap back to work mode.

“What in the world was that Y/N?” your best friend/co-worker scoffs, smacking you on the head.

“What?” you pout.

“You’re supposed to be on a man-hiatus remember! Jin literally tore your heart to pieces and here you are getting all excited over some guy who looks like a total player. You’re getting Taffy.”

Taffy was the word she used to describe your lust. It all began when you had talked about how you fell in love with a boy who visited your café because of the way he sucked on taffy. After that day, your friend labeled your sexual desires as taffy.

“So what if I’m getting taffy! It’s human nature…besides, did you see him? He was SO into me.” You allow your finger to curl your hair.

“Ugh, whatever, don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Your best friend knows she cannot control your taffy eruptions.

That day you went back home to your empty single roomed apartment. You had your eyes on your phone the entire time, waiting for him to call. You gathered enough self-pity and gave up, and went to sleep unhappy.

The next day

“He didn’t call.” Your day was not the best, you had woken up grumpy and alone – again.

“The player from yesterday?” Your best friend happily responds with the words ‘good riddance’ at the tip of her tongue.

“Yea, but, he was different ok.”

“I’m sorry, did you get that from your 5 second encounter yesterday?”

“Shut up.”

“Oh my god” She suddenly exclaimed, “is that him?”

You look outside of the large coffee shop window and see a tall lanky individual holding flowers and looking at you.

“YES!” you smile immediately, you rip your work apron off and slide under the divider to go see him outside.

“Y/N where do you think you’re going! YOU HAVE WORK!” Your friend gets frustrated once more.

“Oh yes I do, with him that is.” You wink.

Outside you run to him, the stranger with the dimples as if you had known him for months. During your three second sprint, you trip and fall on to him, squishing the expensive bouquet between your chests. Suddenly, you feel a squeal from him.

“Your…your elbow…its on my…” He says choking for air.

You patiently wait to figure out where your elbow is on as you enjoy your current entanglement.  

“my…p...pe…” he pauses, still gasping for air.

“PECTORAL MUSCLE!!!!” he finally exclaims, gently shoving you off.

You giggle as you lie on the cement beside him. People walk by and stare at you two, but you feel too ecstatic to care.  

He quickly recovers and stands on his feet, helping you up as well.

“Let’s get something to eat.” He grabs you by the waist and begins to walk.

The two of you walk for a while until you reach a particular restaurant he wants to take you to.

“This is my friend’s restaurant. He does give me a discount, so that’s why I’m here!”

“I didn’t know you were this cheap, I knew you couldn’t afford me” you giggle.

Suddenly the restaurant’s name catches your attention: Jin’s Restaurant.

You panic, wondering if it’s the same Jin you dated. You didn’t know much about him as it was an online relationship. But you figured it couldn’t be because there were so many people in Korea with that name. You hide your anxiousness by burrowing yourself further into the stranger’s side.

He pulls out a chair for your first and holds your hands as you take a seat. It isn’t that high class of a restaurant so you do not worry about your casual attire. However, he seems to be on point, rocking grandma-like fashion with loose flapper jeans and a pink shirt mixed with army print. You believe its exotically spectacular.

He orders for you – his favorite dish, chicken WINGS.

“I have a reason for ordering this, you see…the name…WINGS, inspired me to think deeply about you yesterday.” He feels the need to start a conversation about something beyond you two.

“You came here yesterday?”

“Well yes, I come here every day. Its where I can think.” He clears his throat. “You see, when I saw you yesterday, I couldn’t stop thinking about you…and things I can do with you…dirty things, like eating these wings with our hands!”

You like his dirty talk, you lean in closer to learn what this stranger thought of you.

“So back to my story, I don’t always order chicken WINGS, but I just had to yesterday…I’m a boy who has met evil. It’s the sad truth. I’ve been very captivated by wrong. I would put my blood, sweat, and tears into doing things that would hurt people…” He pauses. He takes a bite.

“But, when I flirted with you yesterday…you made me…begin. I would hate to lie to you and say I didn’t want to do more with you, but you see, there’s a stigma around that.” He pauses again, but this time he doesn’t take a bite.

“I’d hate to jump to conclusions, but during my reflection, I thought you’re my first love. I even told my mama. I stayed awake last night just thinking of it all, lost in my own thoughts trying to decypher 4 times, wondering…am I wrong? Wondering if it was ok to trust a complete stranger, especially since you’re one of the 21st-century girls…but, I just counted…TWO! THREE! And I thought, like these chicken WINGS…I can just be.”

You had never been so touched by a stranger’s speech. You felt it within you, his philosophical feat gave rise to something strange. It gave you gastric butterflies.

You respond “I totally get you, that is a beautiful thing to say. You sound like a poet.” You tuck your hair behind your ear and look down to embody admirable shyness as you speak. “Just know, you never walk alone.”

His eyes begin to water. He reaches across the table and holds your hands. Sudden warmth builds up within you. You feel like you’re floating in a hot spring.

He then finally asks “What is your name?”

“Y/N” you respond.

“I’m Kim Namjoon.”

That night he takes transit with you to drop you home. The food was phenomenal and so was he. You felt like you landed the jackpot.

Your stop is reached and you don’t want to say goodbye. You lean in close to him, feeling his breath on your face. Your hearts almost make contact as your chests collide with one another. You stretch out your hand making your way down under, wiggling around looking for something personal.

“Ah finally found it!” you exclaim as you pull out your purse from under his seat.

You look up to him, his doe brown eyes widen with sadness knowing that this is a goodbye.

“Do you want to come over?” You ask without hesitation, hoping he doesn’t think wrong of you.

His mouth widens in shock, he seems to be shook. “YES!” He exclaims a bit too loud as the bus halts. The two of you run off the bus laughing as the pain of joy reaches your stomach.

“I really enjoyed today with you Namjoon.” You link arms with him once again. The night is still young but the darkness has already enveloped the sky.

He rests his head on yours as his height allows him too. He reaches under your jacket to engulf your waist and pull you closer to feel the heat of his body. It’s an uncomfortable walk, but the most comfortable you’ve been in a while.

The two of you reach your residence and plant yourselves on the couch as you Netflix and chill. You binge watch various documentaries and cuddle.

Namjoon decides he needs to relieve himself and so he makes his way to your ear. His lips cushion his deep voice and are soft to your ear. You feel a tickle run down your spine as he speaks to you. He prepares for his journey to release this tension he’s been feeling for the past few hours. He whispers, 

“Where’s the bathroom? I really need to pee.”

You point to it and minutes later you are startled by a loud bang. You rush to the bathroom with no hesitation and swing the door open to make sure he’s ok. You unwillingly walk in to see his 6 inch pretty wide diameter object in the toilet. Without any second thought you go to reach for it and pull it out.

“Wow you did it without hesitation, I was wondering what I was going to do and while I leaned over to see where it exactly was I hit my head on your shelf.” He points at the shelf over the toilet.

“We should put it in rice. It’ll dry it up!”

“That’s a good idea!”

You then take his wet iPhone 6 and place it in a bowl of rice as it had just suffered the most common form of water damage.

“Thank you, I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.” He thanks you with a hug.

“Seeing you’ve lost contact with the world, I think it’s best if you stay the night, wink wonk.” You immediately hold your mouth shut wondering why you said wink wonk.

“This sounds a little wrong…” he says hesitantly.

“What do you mean? Oh please don’t take it like that; I’m not that type of girl, really!” You defend yourself.

“Ugh, I didn’t want to reveal this side of me…but I’m sort of a Grammar freak…and so, it’s wink wink…not wonk.” He frowns at his OCD. However, you accept him as he is willing to accept you.

It’s a Friday night which means no work tomorrow so the two of you continue binge watching Netflix. You eat snacks and overeat, it’s the most romance you’ve had in a while. However, soon the two of you begin to yawn, signaling the end of a great time.

“I’m getting sleepy. But I still want to hang out with you.” He says while your head leans on his shoulder.

“Me too. What else is there to do?”

In minutes Netflix is paused and the two of you jump into bed. His body radiates heat and yours accepts it willingly. The two of you begin to fumble around under the sheets trying to get the right positions. You’re scared, wondering how he will react knowing it’s your first time and that you are scared. At moments you feel the need to tell him but it’s getting too intense. He won’t stop and you feel the need to scream. Your heart trembles and your body shivers. He’s reaching the climax and you have yet to calm yourself for whats to come.

“STOP!” You yell finally, you can no more take it.

“What is it?” he puts the flashlight down and lifts the sheets.

“I’m really scared of horror stories!”

It was initially his idea to go under the sheets and tell scary stories with a flashlight, but he had not known your experience at camp when you were younger and fainted because of the stories being told.

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier? I would have never made you do it!”

“I didn’t want you think I was a scared-y-cat” You frown.

“Don’t worry, nothing will happen to you tonight, I’m here.”

Two years later…

You and Namjoon have now been together for a while. It’s had its ups and downs but you’re in that happy spot now, perhaps even thinking about marriage and kids.  Today is your birthday, and as both of you are daring and outgoing individuals, the two of you decide to sky dive, free fall (#B.A.P).

“Babe, are you ready yet?” you pound on the door of the bathroom with your fist as Namjoon takes exactly 50 more minutes than you to get ready, and you take an hour.

He walks out with a towel around his waist and his chest bare. You admire a tattoo on his arm that resembles yours, yes, the two of you had got couple tattoos that read “towards greater things” in latin.

“I just need to pick out the right outfit now!” He gently pushes aside to make way to the room for his daily outfit hunt, but in the maneuver, he loses grip of his towel.  

“Oh my god.” You express in awe, it’s nothing you hadn’t seen before, and however you still were always surprised.

There it was, pink at the edges and dissolving into an ombre reaching a more flesh tone. The balls near the top were purple and perfectly spherical and joined together.

“You’re wearing your purple grape pink slash nude boxers AGAIN! I literally washed it yesterday.”

“They are my favorite!” he whined as he walked into the room.

Alas, the two of you were finally ready. A few hours’ drive later you reached your destination. The plane was smaller than you thought and the training had taken only a few minutes.

“I’m glad I’m doing this with you,” Namjoon says as he holds your hand tightly. The two of you walk into the plane all geared up and ready to dive into the world as if it was your swimming pool.

A few thousand feet high the two of you exchange many caring words promising to care for each other until death.

“Y/N. Before we jump, there’s something I need to do.” He grabs a box out of his pocket and kneels down on a single knee.

“Will you marry me?” he says, and smiles, showing the dimples you first fell in love with. Although, as he struggles to open the box, he breaks the top off and leaves his mouth open as if he were a pufferfish.

You’ve seen his clumsiness all too many times and disregard it and reach for his face to caress.  A few seconds later, you are his fiancé.

“Y/N, the surprise doesn’t end here, I’m going to give you the best night of your life tonight.” He whispers in your ear. 

“Namjoon, I’m so excited.  Don’t get me all excited here.”

“I even lengthened it!”

“How long?” You say trying to control yourself.

“You’ll find out tonight, it didn’t even cost that much!”

“I was okay with it before you know, you didn’t have to do this for me!”

“Babe, Y/N, for you anything. You deserve 3 hours at the surprise spa I’m taking you to tonight, rather than 1 short hour.”

“OKAY, we’re ready for you to jump!” says the instructor interrupting and motioning towards the plane door. You quickly hug Namjoon and prepare. 

The two of you latch on to your respective jumping assistants and take for the sky, both, happier than ever.

A week later…

You wake up with a pounding headache. Your eyes struggle to open, and when they do, it is only to reveal a blur of the world. As your vision clears, you see your best friend holding your hand beside a man in a white coat.

“Y/N? Can you hear me?” says the stranger.

“Yes? What’s going on, where am I?” You say as you lift your head in confusion and look around to see you’re in a hospital room.

“You suffered a heart illness ever since you were young, it disguised itself as minor anemia, however, it was quite serious.” The man says.

“Where’s Namjoon?” You ask your friend, ignoring the blabbering stranger. Your friend immediately weeps at the sound of your voice.

“During your skydive, free fall, you suffered immediate heart failure and lost consciousness. This can happen when you have too much adrenaline in your system.”

“I’m asking where Namjoon is? Excuse me?” it is as if no one can hear you.

“When you reached the ground, you were immediately airlifted to the nearest hospital. And there we had to perform immediate surgery.”

The man pauses.

“We…performed a heart transplant Y/N.”

“A what? What do you mean? This is all too much I need Namjoon  by my side.”

“Well, you see…he’s not here because he provided you with that heart.”

You freeze in your mental incapacitation. You cannot comprehend the few words that just came out. Your tears begin to flow uncontrollably and you wale in pain with your brand new heart.

“NAMJOON IS DEAD?!?!?!?!!????” you sob, screaming at the top of your lungs.

“I’m so sorry. But he was dying anyway.”

“What?” you paused, confused again.

“He had stage 10 cardiac cancer and only had a year to live. He wanted to give you that year instead.” The man then places his hand on your shoulder for comfort.

“I…have…cancer…now?”

“Yes. But also an additional year to live.”

The following year…

You spent the year doing everything you wanted and enjoyed the gift of life he had provided. You wrote poems and books as well. Your death saddened many, but you were glad it did not sadden Namjoon, as the two of you left the world together with your last heart beat.

 Heartfelt Story by Y/N

His heart now rests as mine,

As cruel as it may seem the wound time heals,

Has yet to be added to my misery.

Because of his kindness,

And his heart,

I have learned to part from pain,

And move towards gain,

Like this cancer that runs through my veins.

Our love grows with a deathly scent,

And it is I who must breathe it in to make it all end,

But as my heart belongs to you,

It yearns for its owner and as do I,

I too shall come with your missing piece,

Because I am you,

And you are me. (#ZICO)

There is one more thing I miss too, 

A little buddy you wrapped close to you. 

It gave me pleasure, and you too. 

It was our connection, 

our evolutionary toy.

As you are no longer with me, 

I have turned to another with a similar masterpiece, 

similar in length to satisfy a need, 

inanimate but it does the deed. 

However this one does not talk as much as you do, 

but the feeling is the same when I think of you. 

That was it for my drabble, very subtly sexual and odd. I hope you got all my references and dick jokes Admin Y. HAPPY 22ND BIRTHDAY, I HOPE THIS GIFT OF TAFFY WAS ENJOYABLE. 

[steamishot]

Thoughts

It’s been a little slow at work, now that I kinda know what I’m doing now and am putting off the work that I don’t like doing lol. I’m also feeling slow cause its Monday. Anyway, after having a little more than a month off to recharge from that work + class lifestyle, I’m kinda ready to get productive again. I’ll start working on my portfolio and continue learning more about coding and tech on my time off/weekends and create projects for myself instead of just going out and having fun. Because even that feels exhausting after a while and like I should be using my time for something more productive.

I’ve been thinking about life a lot and I feel like I’ve been living my life as if I’m invincible for the most part.  I procrastinate and say I’ll do something eventually, or when the time is right it’ll happen. I think about how all the organisms alive right now are just coexisting. And I try to see other people as my fellow humans instead of things to avoid or be scared of. I think of myself as a skeleton with active organs and how when I die, I won’t have the capabilities my organs offer me anymore. I think that in American culture, the topic of death is pretty taboo. Unlike other cultures that acknowledge the dead, Americans don’t have any traditions for that. Well, outside of religion. I still feel scared thinking about death, even though statistically speaking, I should have the most time left here as opposed to my immediate family. I want to get more into Buddhism teachings to feel more at peace with life and adopt a Buddhist mindset on the topic of death.

I used to not understand coupling up or the desire to be in a relationship, or when people jokingly say “I’ll just die alone” or “I’m scared to be alone”. But after some thought, life is a scary journey and having a “life partner” can be really comforting. So I am glad and thankful that I have a partner currently. Having him with me gives me another layer of support and strength.

To show appreciation for me, he spoils me with food. This past weekend we had hot pot and Japanese food. On Friday evening, I had spent 2 hours in traffic to meet him at a hot pot place in Arcadia. He arrived like 10 minutes before I did and it might have been the second time ever that he arrived before I did. During dinner, I told him that I’m planning on going to Hawaii with my friends over memorial day weekend. He was a little hurt by that it seemed because that was one of our trip ideas. I told him that we’ve been talking about taking a trip for some time now but that I feel he doesn’t follow through, so I’d rather just go with my friends. He said that he wasn’t sure how serious I was about it because I wouldn’t respond very enthusiastically. Which after some thought, is correct. I think my main reservation is that he’s still a secret from my family and vice versa. And even though it would be exciting and fun to travel with him, I dread bringing him up to my family. Another reasonable thing is that he is kinda out of it emotionally right now because of not matching. He is focused on what he needs to do next in his career and how to proceed, and it was a selfish request of me to want him to put more attention on our relationship. However, it was good that I said something. He is very reasonable and caring. I like that he accepts criticism and is constantly looking for ways to improve.

On Saturday, I brought my mom and grandma to in n out for lunch. I enjoy taking them out for activities and it has been a while since I’ve done so. Since next weekend is a 3 day weekend, I asked if they would be interested in going to the flower fields to see poppies. My mom clapped and responded really enthusiastically with a smile, and nudged at my grandma saying “hey! Act enthusiastically. If you don’t, then she’s not gonna know if you want to go or not/she’s not gonna want to take you.” LOL. My grandma is more cool and she matter-of-factly said “of course I want to go.” That was a little lesson for myself on the topic of enthusiasm, since I’m not really good at showing it when I have reservations, and I’m not that expressive in general.

Last night when we facetimed, he wanted to make sure that I was fine emotionally. He noted how I wasn’t happy with certain things that he did during the week, but that I seemed happy and didn’t have complaints over the weekend. Although it seems small, I felt secure and happy when he brought that up. Because it shows that he is able to work with me to make things work between us, and that he cares about my (emotional) well-being. Protected is the word that describes it.

Little things he did that made me feel fuzzy inside- when we had Japanese food, I had the sashimi combo and he had the cold soba with shrimp tempura. We also had a medium fatty tuna bowl. At this point, we share our food by default. Since we were sitting across from each other, it was hard for me to grab his food. The cold soba had to be dipped into this soy sauce mixture in a small cup. So he would put soba into the soy sauce container and then leave it on my side of the table a few times. I think I started the trend of like getting food for him (placing things in his hot pot to cook, or getting cooked things out of the pot for him) so he started to mirror me. Another thing was when we went to universal studios. I like to wear his northface jacket when its cold (that’s my default jacket of his). He brought a backpack that day with an extra sweater and was wearing the northface jacket. He said when it gets cold I can wear the northface jacket and he’ll wear the extra sweater he brought.

Yesterday was my sister in law’s birthday. She went on a trip to Vegas with my brother on Saturday but neither of them had mentioned it was for her birthday. They drove back from Vegas around 1pm yesterday. Facebook notified me that it was her birthday and I texted her asking if she had any plans that night. She said no, so my family and I arranged something for them. I ended up picking up a cake and gift for her, and we had family style hot pot for dinner. My brother was like, good thing you bought her a cake because she was getting mad at me lol. Apparently my brother didn’t buy her a present either, thinking that the vegas trip would be sufficient as a birthday gift. Anyway, it seems that she liked the dinner, cake, and present. And hope she had a good birthday overall.