#my journey of trying to remember this song began at 12:30 when I was about to go to sleep but just kept repeating that singular line

[tracing-lines-in-the-infinite]

I had a line of a song stuck in my head and googling the lyrics didn't work so I tried to analyze the voice I remembered and when that didn't work after 10 minutes I spent 30 mins doing other stuff in an attempt to trick my mind into letting me go to sleep before I realized 'that's Wayne Brady' so I was planning to skip straight to Overdraft Fees by Nirvana on MSN but I just had to listen to Chapped Lips and then Not My Thing- the titular song- and then Slip N Slide (Space Tourism should not go unmentioned) and I mean Let's Get a Dog is a bop...and the minigames! Long story short it's now 2am and I can finally rest after listening to Overdraft Fees twice more on top of watching the whole episode.

[milfs-and-margs]

My experience at the first re-opening preview of SiX on Broadway

I arrived just before they started allowing guests into the theater, so the line was easily 200+ people long going down 47th St. Right out front of the theater we’re a handful of photographers/camera men documenting the line as people began to enter the theater

Jesse Tyler Ferguson, from Modern Family, was being interviewed right in front of the theater. He also ended up sitting about 15 feet away from me for the show

I was fortunate enough to have 4th row side orchestra tickets. With my seat location I didn’t lose any part of the stage but I imagine the last 2-4 seats on the outside of those rows would lose some of the band and possibly some of the queens when they move as a group to the sides of the stage

The audience energy was insane from the moment Lucy Moss stepped on stage to introduce the show and thank the audience for welcoming them back

Lucy received the first of 12 standing ovations for the night. And yes, there are only 10 musical numbers in the show

From the second the lights went down, the audience was roaring with cheers and applause. Thank god for the queens in ear monitors or else there would be no way that they could have heard their queues

In Ex-wives, every queen got their own individual applause after each introduction. Noticeably rowdy cheers for Abby, Sam, and Britt.

Throughout the song you could see the queens sharing looks with one another. Looks of excitement and feeding off of the crowds energy. If you watch the press recording by Broadwaysho on YouTube, you will find this most obvious between Abby and Britt

If you watch the same video, you will also be able to hear a glitch in one of the backing music tracks. The audience certainly noticed, but the queens and band didn’t miss a beat. I did pick up on a couple of subtle looks from queens to the MD/conductor/keyboard after the glitch. Kind of like a “hey you heard that too, right” thing

The standing ovation after Ex-Wives was almost 2 minutes long, and again the queens were sharing looks, almost in disbelief that they were back and receiving that kind of welcome from the audience

No Way was phenomenal. I think it is my favorite choreography for the group. The drummer, Maria, was STELLAR and Adrianna sure did hit that high C

Andreas performance of DLYH is so electric and energetic. I did notice that compared to some previous audio that I heard, this performance has less of a nasally sound to it. I honestly love it both ways, but I believe she is taking a new approach vocally

Heart of Stone was just as emotional as I expected. I didn’t have my glasses on, but could still see the tears in Abbys eyes. Her riff on “truthfully”(definitely a new riff) and the climax of the song were extraordinary

I also noticed that Abby took a new vocal approach to the line “you lift me high” at the beginning of Heart of Stone. Her previous approach to the word “high” was strong with very Celine Dion-like placement. But this time she brought it up to a gorgeous falsetto.

After one of the longer standing ovations of the night, Abby was able to get out her line “what hurts more than a broken heart”, and as Andrea approached her to say her line, the audience was already applauding and laughing in anticipation for her line. She had a second of a laugh herself and actually had to pause for about 10 seconds before delivering “a severed head.”

Haus of Holbein is one of the most clever, car crashes of a song to exist in musical theater. It is the sharpest turn, tone-wise, from Heart of Stone and is exactly what you need to get back into the high energy of the rest of the show

Get Down has to be my second favorite for choreography for the group, and Britt just smashes it out of the park with so much energy and commitment to her dancing.

When Britt called on the audience member to dance with her, the woman did stand up and dance but sat back down after a few seconds which gave Britt the opportunity to give a cheeky reply of “this is Broadway. Do better” which got a huge laugh from the audience

Right after Get Down, a crew/production member announced they were having a technical problem and needed to take a brief pause. At first the queens remained on stage until a crew member waived them to go off stage. The pause was for about 5 minutes to reboot a system, presumably the one that was responsible for the glitch you can hear in Ex-Wives. However I don’t remember noticing any problems in any of the other songs. One of the standing ovations was also during this pause, for the sound team. Everything resumed and there were no additional sound problems.

During one of the queen vs queen argument scenes, Aragon called Boleyn “Bo-lame” and I’m not sure if that’s new or if I didn’t notice it before, but it was hilarious

Sams delivery of AYWD seemed stronger vocally than before, which I didn’t know was possible. And the journey that she takes you on with her acting throughout the song is unmatched. She received another one of the longer standing ovations of the night

Anna was also trying some new riffs in IDNYL and they were all beautiful. There seriously wasn’t a missed note from any queens throughout the show. They were all on their A-game

Six was as energetic as expected. The crowd was clapping along the whole song and got on their feet after about 30 seconds in, and remained on their feet until the show ended

Lots of the audience had their phones out to take pictures of bows and kept them out to record megasix. I know that you’re not supposed to, but I didn’t see any theater staff tell anyone to put their phones away. I ended up recording the last few seconds so that I could get their post-show reactions and their smiles say it all. Broadway is back!!

The queens took a selfie with the crowd in the background before exiting. Sam and Adrianna certainly had the most fun with their exit moves

[warrioreowynofrohan]

Today in Tolkien - February 29th

Yes, 29th. The calendar in The Lord of the Rings has 12 months with 30 days each (plus 5 days that aren’t in any month).

In the night of the 28th-29th, when the orcs are surrounded by Éomer’s forces, Grishnakh grabs Merry and Pippin, trying to find the Ring. Pippin plays along, with ‘gollum’ and ‘my precious’. Grishnakh carries the hobbits away from the other orcs, but is then killed by one of the Rohirrim. A little after that Mauhur and the other orcish reinforcements in Fangorn attack the Rohirrim, and the orcs try to break out of their encirclement. The Rohirrim draw their ring tighter around Ugluk’s orcs, leaving Merry and Pippin outside the circle. Since Pippin’s hands are still free from the first day of captivity when he managed to cut the bonds on his hands and disguise that he had done so, he is able to cut the ropes on both their legs and on Merry’s hands, and after a meal of lembas they first crawl to the Entwash and then walk along the river into Fangorn as the sun rises.

The Rohirrim charge the orcs at dawn and destroy them, with Éomer killing Ugluk personally.

When Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli wake, Legolas immediately perceives that something has happened, but does not know what:

“Awake! Awake!” he cried. “It is a red dawn. Strange things await us by the eaves of the forest. Good or evil, I do not know; but we are called. Awake!”

They run and walk through the plains all day, but still do not reach Fangorn, and they are losing hope. Aragorn estimates that the orcs would have reached Fangorn at “sundown yesterday,” which is precisely correct.

Merry and Pippin, meanwhile, while their friends lose hope for them, have met Treebeard and are doing quite well. They’re learning the rhyme of the Lore of the Living Creatures and suggesting a new line on hobbits. In the evening they come to Treebeard’s dwelling of Wellinghall, at the roots of Methedras, the southernmost peak of the Misty Mountains. (Going by the map, and since the hobbits entered the forest at the Entwash, this means that they are extremely close to Isengard and that Treebeard has walked, in a leisurely day, the entire breadth of Fangorn Forest from east to west.)

They have some ent-draughts for dinner, and tell Treebeard the story of their journeys so far (omitting the Ring and their goal). Their news about Saruman being the master of the orcs that captured them makes a definite impression on him. The presence of orcs is not new information, but the combination of the definitive proof that they are Saruman’s, the reminder of the existing evils of wanton tree-hewing, and perhaps the effect of having company to talk it over with rouses him to anger, and he determines to do something about it. He calms himself, makes plans, answers the hobbits’ questions about the Entwives and sings them a song about it, and then the hobbits get some sleep. (Treebeard sleeps standing up.) The hobbits have had a very eventful day! And it really illustrates their resilience - they go from being miserable captives of orcs to chatting cheerfully with Treebeard within the space of hours.

Meanwhile, our other hobbits, Frodo and Sam, finally find their way down from the Emyn Muil. They spend the day moving along the outer edge of the hills, looking for a way downwards, and moving gradually northwards and lower down (you can see on the map that the Emyn Muil bend northeast). At last their way further north is blocked by a ravine; they clamber down into it, and find themselves much lower down than they expected.

(Frodo estimates it as 18 fathoms, and when they later remember the rope Sam measures the rope as 30 ells. This works out to an estimate of a little over 100 feet or a little over 30 metres - a fathom is 6ft - down the cliff. The length of an ell varies widely by country, but in England was typically 45 inches, so the rope is about 112 feet or 34 metres, giving them just enough length of rope by Frodo’s estimate. Fortunately, it turns out that he had somewhat overestimated the height of the cliff.)

They climb down the cliff, with an unpleasant interruption from a passing Nazgûl. At the bottom, they try to walk away from the cliff, but “came upon a great fissure that yawned suddenly black before their feet...They thought they could hear water gurgling in its depths.” So they turn back to the cliff and walk southwards a little ways during the night, then stop to sleep, and see Gollum climbing down the cliff. Sam and Frodo, understanding the danger of Gollum following them but having no way to keep him away besides killing him, enlist him as their guide.

Also on this day, or more precisely the night of the 28th-29th, Faramir sees the funeral boat of Boromir.

I sat at night by the waters of Anduin, in the grey dark under the young pale moon, watching the ever-moving stream; and the sad reeds were rustling. So do we ever watch the shores nigh Osgiliath, which our enemies now partly hold, and issue from it to harry our lands. But that night all the world slept at the midnight hour. Then I saw, or it seemed that I saw, a boat floating on the water, glimmering grey, a small boat of a strange fashion with a high prow, and there was none to row or steer it.

An awe fell on me, for a pale light was round it. But I rose and went to the bank, and began to walk out into the stream, for I was drawn towards it. Then the boat turned toward me, and stayed its pace, and floated slowly by within my hand’s reach, yet I durst not handle it. It waded deep, as if it were heavily burdened, and it seemed to me as it passed under my gaze that it was almost filled with clear water, from which came the light; and lapped in the water a warrior lay asleep.

A broken sword was on his knee. I saw many wounds on him. It was Boromir, my brother, dead. I knew his gear, his sword, his beloved face...The boat turned into the stream and passed glimmering on into the night. Dreamlike it was, and yet no dream, for there was no waking. And I do not doubt that he is dead and has passed down the River to the Sea.

[janeyseymour]

Fight or Flight

In both the past and in this life, Jane Seymour fled from fights. They didn’t even have to be her own fights, she would still flee the scene. She was trying to get better- she really was. But it was hard to shake old habits. 

-

“Catherine! Are you fucking kidding me?” Anne would shriek.

“Shut up Bo-loser! You’re just pissed I beat you at Monopoly again!”

“You were already going to beat me anyway! Why did you have to bankrupt me?”

“That’s just the business of the game Anne.”

“Jane!” Anne whined to the blonde. “Tell Catherine that’s not fair.”

“Jane!” Catherine drew out. “Tell Anne that’s just how you play the game and to stop being a sore loser!”

“Oh, I’m the sore loser? If I can remember correctly, up until recently, you were still pissed you lost Henry to me over 400 years ago!” Anne crossed her arms.

“Because you stole him from me! This is different Anne! It’s just a stupid game!”

“Don’t be bitter cause I’m fitter!” Anne quoted her song. The two continued to go back and forth arguing, not noticing that Jane was getting more and more panicked. Before the two could go any further, blonde fled the room and made her way to the car.

“Jane!” Catherine called after her. “Jane?” 

“You two need to figure this out before I come back,” The third queen sighed as she turned on the engine. 

“It's 12:30 querida. Don't you think it’s a little late to be driving around?” the first queen tried convincing the third to come back into the house.

“I just need to-” Jane pulled away. 

At 3:30 in the morning, the silver queen pulled into the driveway safely, much to the golden queen’s relief.

-

“Katherine, I thought I asked you to take the trash out three times already? And yet it’s still sitting here? This is ridiculous!” 

“I’m right in the middle of watching this movie though!” Kat argued back, not taking her eyes off of the screen.

“You weren’t the first two times I asked you to do it!” Jane refuted.

“Can’t you just back off? I’ll get to it when I get to it!” The fifth queen turned up the volume louder. 

“Katherine Howard!” Jane’s voice boomed. 

“I-” Katherine stood up immediately and went to take out the trash.

“Was that so hard?” the usually kind queen asked in a mocking tone.

“I know you’re frustrated, but you don’t have to be such an ass about it.”

“Fuck this,” Jane stormed out of the house, car keys in hand.

Three hours later, the blonde returned, visibly more relaxed.

“I’m sorry I called you an ass.”

“You were right love. I’m sorry I was being an ass.”

-

“Jane, come on. Can’t we talk this out?” The sixth queen pleaded with her less confrontational friend.

“Love, I don’t know what there is to talk about. I desperately pleaded with you not to continue to write into the night, and you did. Because of that, you slept in and missed the one breakfast I was really looking forward to making. It really hurt my feelings, and now I’m going to go on a drive and cool down before I lose it on you.”

“Jane, I apologized a million-” the front door closed.

The blonde got into her car and began to drive. She ended up three towns over before she broke down crying. Knowing it wasn’t safe to drive in the state she was in, she pulled over into a small parking lot and turned off the car.

“I just-” she began to talk to herself and talk out her feelings, something she rarely did despite what the fandom thought. She was rather reserved in her own feelings other than the show. “What the hell am I supposed to do?”

She looked up at the place she had parked. On one side of the parking lot was a tattoo parlor, and on the other was a pet store.

If Anna could have a dog and Anne was allowed to have a tattoo, why couldn’t she?

The blonde returned home with a small “VI” on her ribcage because despite the fact that the other queens angered her quite often, she knew all she would need is six. It didn’t make it any less meaningful when she remembered that her Edward was also known as Edward VI of England. And she returned with a fish: a small white betta named Eddie who she spilled her feelings to on the car ride home.

“We remade breakfast,” Cathy offered with a guilty smile.

“Thank you love. All is forgiven though.”

“You bought a fish?” Aragon tilted her head to the side slightly.

“I did. Meet Eddie.”

“After...?” Kat smiled softly.

“Yes.”

“He’s perfect,” Cleves had already begun to take out the fish tank tucked under Jane’s arms.

“I expect him to stay in your room.”

Jane Seymour spoke to the fish quite often about anything and everything hoping that maybe, just maybe, Edward up in heaven could hear her. And she never ate fish again. She couldn’t bring herself to.

-

“Anne! That’s my chocolate milk! Stop trying to take it from me!” Kat whined.

“Well, I don’t see your damn name on it, now do I?” Anne teased her cousin.

“Mum!” They both yelled at the same time.

Jane, who was up in her room and had already heard the girls yelling, found her keys and walked down the steps. 

“Mum! Tell Anne to stop taking my chocolate milk!”

“Janey, tell Kit that I can drink whatever the hell I want in the house! It’s not just her chocolate milk!”

“Well, it would’ve been nice if you would’ve at least asked!”

“You don’t ask if you can drink Janey’s almondmilk!” Anne was getting more and more frustrated.

“I used to! Right Mum?” Kat batted her eyelashes, hoping she could use some of her Howard charm on the blonde.

“Kat! That’s not fair! You can’t do that when you know she’s going to take your side as soon as you give her that look and call her Mum!”

“What I’m saying is true!”

Jane had enough of hearing the girls’ bickering over something as stupid as chocolate milk, and half shouted, “Enough!” The other two were quite startled by this outburst. “This is a ridiculous argument to begin with. Kat, you know when you’re fighting you can’t drag me into this. You also know that since we’ve all gotten more comfortable living together that if it’s a drink or something small, it’s fair game. And Anne, you know that if it’s everyday, you should probably buy some more, but you never do. It’s always up to me. And yes Kat, you did used to ask, but you know now that what's mine is yours. That doesn’t just go for her, Anne. That applies to everyone. I just ask that everything gets replaced in a timely manner. Now, are we done arguing or...?”

“Well, I was going to grab the chocolate milk, but Anne took it before I could get to-” Jane held up a hand, signifying she heard enough. Without another word, she walked out the door.

The woman came back two hours later, two gallons of chocolate milk and a sharpie in hand. She had already labelled them for the two feuding queens. To her surprise though, there were already two brand new jugs of milk. It would last them a week before they began to fight again.

-

Jane may have had a tendency to flee from fights when it was between her own family, but if someone from the outside tried to come at any of the queens, she was the first one to fight. No one was to mess with her family.

The six were sitting down for an interview about a month before their show debuted. Yes, Jane was very nurturing to all of her sisters, but the love that she felt for them was much stronger than any of them had realized.

“So,” the reporter turned to face the first queen. “The first divorce. The one responsible for the Church of England. The one responsible for Bloody Mary. Why are you the best wife?”

“Sir, I do hope that you will try to conduct this interview as professionally and as kindly as possible,” Jane butted in before any other queen could, already noticing all of their discomfort. 

“Quiet down Miss Seymour. Right now, this is focused on Aragon.” Jane eyed the interviewer before glancing at Catherine. She obviously was getting uncomfortable and was looking for a way to evade the questions at all possible costs. After a few questions of unbelievable prying and disrespect, the third queen had enough.

“You know what sir, I do think this part of the interview is over. All you’ve done is degrade Catherine and her legacy, and I’m sure I don’t want to know what you’ll say to the rest of us.”

“Jane, we can-”

“No Catherine. This man is not going to try to put us in a box anymore. We came back and started our show to show people that we aren’t just who they thought we are. So, sir, let me tell you how this is going to go down. I’m going to be asking the questions to all of the other queens, and then afterwards, you can ask me anything you please. But mark my words, if you so much as try to box us in anymore, I will lose my temper. You don’t want that.” Jane said fiercely before she folded her arms in her lap, the fire in her eyes slowly dying as she reverted back to the mild mannered woman she normally was. 

“Yes ma’am,” the reporter gulped as he wrote down a few notes.

“Okay. Catherine, can you tell me what it’s like in our household?” Jane started off kindly.

“Well Jane, we’ve all grown quite a bit since we first came back. It’s been so wonderful watching each of us go on our own journeys and see how far we’ve come since we were first reincarnated. Our house is truly a home, and wherever I go, I know home is wherever you queens are.”

“Very nice. Now,” the third queen turned to Anne. “Because this is me conducting the interview now,” Jane laughed with a slightly bitter tone. “How has the dynamic of the group changed since we’ve all been together?”

“Oh?” Anne smirked a little, knowing that Jane was alluding to the fact that she could give details about how there are no rivalries anymore. They were done being pitted against each other; really, just simple politics if you were Anne. “Well, in history, we’ve always been put up against each other to see who is the best, who had it worst, who he loved more. And when we all came back, there was definitely some tension between a lot of us. For example, as you know Janey, Lina and I used to fight all the time. We still fight now, but it’s a lot more playful. And you and I had some tension, but now there’s no point to it. Cathy and Lina had some awkwardness but they sorted it out, and now Cath calls Lina ‘Madrina’. Kit thought Anna hated her, but there was no such hatred. At first, we all competed against each other, but in the end, we all realized-” she pointed to Cathy with a smirk.

“All we need is SiX,” Cathy quoted from the show.

“And Anna,” how do you think we all compare to each other?”

“Well Seymour, there really is no comparing us. We’re all our own people. We’re good at things, we’re bad at things, and at the end of the day, we’re all just human. None of us have to be better than anyone. As long as we’re being us, that’s more than enough for this family.” Anna emphasized the word ‘family’. 

“Katherine, do you have anything to add?”

“Uh, not really Mum,” she let a small smile slip.

“Hold up. She calls you Mum?” The interview cocked an eyebrow.

“What’s it matter to you?” Jane snorted. “We’re all a family.”

“Yeah, we’re all a family. We have a strange dynamic, but it works, and I for one, wouldn’t change it for the world,” Kat said earnestly. The blonde shot her a small thumbs up. It was wonderful watching her surrogate daughter break out of her shell once in a while.

“And Cath?” Jane faced the writer of the group.

“All we need is SiX. We don’t need anyone to tell us who we are, or how we should act and be perceived in the public. We’re all perfectly fine with being ourselves and rewriting our stories- the way they should have been told all along. We are so much more than the few things we’ve been remembered for in history.”

“And Mr. Williams, do you have any questions for me?”

“No Miss Seymour. I think I have all that I need.” The interviewer gave a curt nod.

“Very well. Thank you for having us.”

Two weeks later, the article came out.

A few weeks ago, I had the absolute honor and pleasure of meeting the six wives of Henry VIII. At first, I began to ask Miss Aragon questions about the past, to which Miss Jane Seymour quickly shut down. She began to conduct the interview, not based upon the past, but based on what happens now that they are back. 

I was able to sit back and listen to these six queens have a conversation, and let’s just say that they are here to reclaim their stories.

Catherine of Aragon, or “Lina” as she was referred to by the others, spoke with as much elegance as one would think, but her love for her fellow queens was clear. She stated that wherever the others are is where home is. She spoke highly of all of their self-journeys.

Anne Boleyn, master of politics, was able to explain that despite what happened in the past, all they truly need now is each other. While there were some rivalries in the beginning, the queens find no point in fighting over who was the most important queen or if one was better than the other. 

Anna of Cleves, also known as Anne of Cleves, was able to add onto this by saying that there is no comparing them anymore. They are all individual women with different life journeys. So long as everybody is doing their best, it’s enough for their family.

Katherine Howard, the youngest and most quiet, was able to contribute to the idea that they were family simply by calling Miss Seymour her “Mum”. At first, this struck me as quite odd, but the queens were well aware. The dynamic of the household is “strange”, as Miss Howard put it, but it is something that she “wouldn’t change for the world”. The other queens quickly agreed, Miss Seymour even giving her daughter a thumbs up. 

Catherine Parr, or Cathy, made it very clear that they were here to reclaim their stories. No more are they going to be put into the boxes or simple rhyme that we hold them to. These girls are going to reclaim their stories in the musical SiX, which debuts next month.

As for Jane Seymour, this queen herself lived up to what all of the others had said. Jane Seymour, widely known as the most demure queen, showed that this was her life. She did not shy away when I began to ask questions that were a bit too intrusive in hindsight. No longer should she be known as “bound to obey and serve”. No, she proved that to me quite quickly.

None of these women are bound to obey and serve the stories we’ve placed for them in history. I, for one, am looking forward to seeing what these queens have to share with us. SiX the Musical debuts in August. Be ready for the histo-remix.

As an addendum, I would like to address this to the queens themselves, if they decide to read this (I would not be offended if they chose not to). Queens: I am terribly sorry for my lack of privacy and the way I began to conduct that interview. You are all absolute treasures who I can not wait to see on stage. Thank you for this eye-opening experience, and best of luck to you all! Keep using your voices!

And to Miss Seymour: I’m terribly sorry for acting so out of line. Thank you for putting me in my place.

Jane smirked when she saw that last line. She found her voice, and she was determined to stop fleeting from confrontation. It had done the queens good.

[imnotrevealingmyname]

For fanfic writer questions: All. Of. Them. Alternatively: 15. 21 and 25

Lmao 😂😂😂😂❤️❤️❤️❤️ I'm doing all of them.

1. Phone, on Google docs. My phone is an absolute mess.

2. Fanfiction? About two years ago. Don't ask about original stuff. Oof

3. Loki fics, poems.

4. Both? Both. Both is good.

5. Terrible. Ok I'm kidding, I'd describe it as poetic, in a way? Overly poetic is good, ig. But it's also overly dramatic- something I hate seeing in people. Which makes me a hypocrite, ig. Lmao.

But in all honesty, I'm pretty flexible in my writing. Even while writing poems, I can easily shift from writing about EXTREMELY dark stuff (trust me, you don't wanna know) to something light and fluffy, which is a good thing, I guess? But it also feels a bit suffocating sometimes because I have a habit of reading my stuff from the POV of a reader, once I'm done with writing it. So I try to make it as bearable as possible. People nowadays don't always like intense stuff, and since I'm a freaky gal who started reading Shakespeare in third grade, it becomes difficult for me to give up my very intense style of writing. I probably don't make sense, but, uh. Whatever. Point is, I'm not perfect.

6. Random stuff. Seriously. My cupboard can set me off in a writing frenzy- most of the time,however, I don't even know what inspiration is. I meet her very infrequently- so infrequently that she's very forgettable :')

7. No? Sometimes? A couple of my fics were inspired by songs, I suppose. I also unpublished one, if I remember correctly.

8. The title. Oh god, that always makes me lose sleep. And also, the descriptions. Either I'm overly descriptive, or I end up writing a whole one shot in less than 300 words. Why Am I An Idiom is going to be the name of my autobiography, if I ever write one. (And yes, it's is Idiom. Long story.)

9. I don't really have any fixed place for writing. I've been known to write poems in the bathroom, so

10. Do I have a current WIP? I honestly have no idea what I'm doing with them. All I've been writing lately are one shots.

11. I don't count, but I have over 45 drafts

12. If you're talking about fics, then there's this fic I wrote, called Alien Ardour, a few months ago. I unpublished it due to several reasons, but I honestly love it. Also, I really like my one shots Scandalous and Silenced.

13. Like in total? What's 63+48+9? And it's ongoing.

14. Loki. Duh. And death. I love writing about death :')

15. OCs if it's multichapter, reader insert (NO Y/N, PLEASE, TAKE THAT AS FAR AWAY FROM ME AS POSSIBLE) if it's a one shot.

16. Repetitive question.

17. The Soul Trade. A few chapters were for aesthetics, but ok.

18. Loki. Only Loki. And uh.... Drarry. That's my fricking OTP.

19. @caffiend-queen. I love several other authors but she's always the first to come to my mind when I'm asked this question.

20. No

21. Coffee shop AU 😂 I don't even regret this

22. Idiots to lovers

23. 2 years. Fun fact: my first fic was a Drarry fic. I love it so much that it's still on Wattpad, even though I've not updated it in like a year.

24. Haven't we all?

25. Motivation? Who? What? Okay I'm kidding, I read fanfics. Seriously. Either I reread my own and edit them to sorta get back the feel of writing, or I end up reading a new fic. Smut who?

26. I was eight when I started writing, for heaven's sake. I don't remember.

27. If you're talking about fanfiction, then it's definitely @ohhhmyloki and @latent-thoughts (Tumblr won't let me tag y'all, for some reason). I used to write before I read their works but I quite literally began my journey with smut after reading their fics. And I don't think any of my fics written before that even exist anymore. But if we're talking about writing in general, then it's O Henry and Bernard Shaw. Maybe Gerald Durrell. Did I mention that I love Gerald Durrell?

28. Loki.

29. Idiotic. Messy. Freaky.

30. Um, I don't really wanna say this, but it's Just A Kiss Goodnight. It may be my most 'famous' fic, but it's definitely not the best. For one thing, I wrote it in less than a week, and I haven't edited it. And there's no fucking smut. I'm not saying that smut is necessary to make a fic good, but it doesn't have any intimacy in it. It's definitely not boring, I'll give it that, but it's childish.

31. Wtf is the difference

32. What kinda question is this

33. One shot? Depends. I can be freaky fast and write one in less than fifteen minutes, or I can take literal weeks to finish one.

34. Dude, what's the normal font in android? I have no idea. But one of my favourites is monotype corsiva, when I'm on my laptop.

35. Both.

36. I don't

37. All of my works, oof 😂 well, no. But there's this fic I've written, called Let's Get Drunk Together. And another. It's called Three Isn't A Crowd, After All. Cringy af

38. Smut. Dark poetry.

39. WHY ARE SO MANY QUESTIONS REPEATED? It's idiots to lovers, ffs

40. On Tumblr? Average is 60, I think.

41. Yes

42. Writing.

43. All the time

44. Yes

45. I can be as thirsty and smutty as I want without being judged, bless fanfiction.

46. The "WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO TO MY HEART WHAT ARE YOU DOING AHHHHHHHHHHHH AND WHY AM I SO AROUSED AT THIS TIME OF ALL TIMES AND WHY IS THIS ANGSTY GIVE ME FLUFF" feeling. Not to brag, but I'm very good at that.

47. I can do anything and everything I want. I can make a unicorn fuck a werewolf and nobody will judge me. Or maybe they will.

48. Yes- Wattpad and Ao3.

49. Google docs, word.

50. Fucking Y/N. Like, not literally fucking Y/N, but uh- I mean, I'd totally fuck my clone? But Y/N isn't me, I hate Y/N. And I hate people who just comment on your fic to promote their own fics. We write for your happiness, please at least do the courtesy of appreciating that and not disrespecting our efforts. Most of us spend nights lying awake to give you stuff to read. And also, people who just comment to say,"Update," two minutes after you've just updated. That's RUDE.

51. High school AU

52. Cock, pussy, salacious, sepulchral, pulchritudinous....... I don't have a one track mind I swear

53. Giggled. FUCKING GIGGLED. I don't understand WHY people have this tendency of writing,"she giggled," and,"he chuckled." I don't know why but GIGGLED sounds like something not EVEN a simpering schoolgirl would do. I don't giggle. Not once have I seen peeps who write GIGGLE associate GIGGLE with men, which is something that I find very disturbing and sexist. Call me biased, go on. But I might not even have been here now because I'm from THAT orthodox and sexist a family, and if they'd been any more sexist, I'd have been killed after birth, so don't even dare to come near me with a ten foot pole if you're sexist.

54. Well, yes, I think. I certainly don't hate it, or I wouldn't write.

Dang, I spent over half an hour writing that. Hope that made even an iota of sense.

[northcountryprimitive]

“I Have at Least Five Albums Worth of Material Yet to Record!” An Interview with Mark Fosson

This interview with the late Mark Fosson originally appeared at North Country Primitive on 25th May 2015

We are very pleased to bring you an interview with the last guitarist John Fahey signed to Takoma records, Mark Fosson. After Takoma was sold, Mark’s recordings for the label remained in his garage unheard for almost 30 years, until they were finally released in 2006 by Drag City. A further archival release, Digging in the Dust, a collection of early home recordings, was released by Tompkins Square in 2012. Fast forward to 2015, and Mark has just brought out his first ever new collection of instrumentals, kY, a paean to his home state of Kentucky, and mighty fine it is too - in our view, his best album yet. Recorded at his home in Baltimore, the album has a timeless, folk-infused quality and features Mark on banjo and dulcimer as well as an enviable collection of guitars…

Can you start off by telling us about the new album, kY? You appear to be revisiting your roots on two accounts: firstly, it has the feel of the sort of pure American Primitivism that could have been put out by Takoma any time in the 70s; secondly, the strong traditional folk themes suggest that you are literally revisiting your roots as a native Kentuckian. I had been trying to record a whole other group of instrumentals that I had written and not getting anything I was really happy with. I was probably trying way too hard to come up with the perfect guitar album and being way too critical, which I’m prone to do. At a certain point I realized I wasn’t having any fun at all and decided to step away from it for a while. So next time I went down to my studio, I pulled out my banjo instead of a guitar and started noodling around and came up with Kingdom Come. I had just purchased a Tascam DR-05, so I made a quick recording of it and was totally pleased with the way it came out. I thought, why not do a whole new album that way? So I would sit and noodle every day till I came up with an idea I liked and record it immediately, while it was still fresh. Most of the songs are first takes, but I never did more than three takes and I think the tunes have a very spontaneous feel because of it. I used the Tascam on quite a few of the songs on the record… Kingdom Come, Kentucky, Cold Dark Holler, Come Back John. All the songs are inspired by my childhood memories of growing up in Kentucky. I recorded it at Pine Box Studios -  a.k.a my basement. What have you been up to recently? It’s been eight years since Jesus on a Greyhound came out. I’m aware of the live sessions you’ve done for Folkadelphia and Irene Trudel, but I guess you’ve been keeping busy in other ways… I moved to Baltimore about six years ago and have been writing and playing every chance I get. Did a short tour with Daniel Bachman when our Tompkins Square records came out… Done quite a few gigs in Philly and New York, some with Don Bikoff, who has become a good friend. A lot of excellent young musicians out there I’ve had the chance to play with… Hope to do a lot more. Were you pleased with the response to Digging in the Dust? Were these recordings what brought you to the attention of John Fahey and Takoma in the 70s? Yes, I was very pleased with the response… it’s good to have it out there after all these years! These are the tapes I originally sent to Takoma. There were also five vocal tracks on that demo which John really liked. I’m not crazy about the way my voice sounded back then… like I was 12 years old! Luckily I’ve learned to sing a little better over the years. There was a song on the demo called Grandpa Was A Thinker, which John and his wife, Melody, liked a lot. I’m pretty sure it was that one and Gorilla Mountain that got me signed. How did you link up with John Fahey and Takoma Records? I had been listening a lot to releases on Takoma… I think I wore out a coupla copies of Kottke/Lang/Fahey. On a lark I sent the tape to them, never dreaming I’d get signed! I remember I had come home from work - I was working in a steel plant at the time - and had fallen asleep in my chair. My wife woke me up, saying, “There’s some guy named Charlie Mitchell from Takoma Records on the phone.“ Then when I got to California, John co-signed for a brand new Martin 12-string. I kick myself nearly every day for selling that guitar later on! As soon as I got to LA, I started opening shows for him… I think the first was McCabe’s Guitar Shop in Santa Monica, which was right next door to the Takoma office. His records sounded great, but hearing him live - and that close! - was an unbelievable experience. How did Drag City come to release The Lost Takoma Sessions 29 years after it was recorded? My cousin Tiffany Anders had started listening to Fahey and found out I had been on the label, so she asked for a copy of the recordings. They were gathering dust in the corner of the garage and I was reluctant to let her have them at first, because I figured the stuff was too old for anyone to care about. She proceeded to send it around and before long I had three or four offers from labels to put it out. I eventually decided on Drag City and I think they did an excellent job of getting it out there. What was the musical journey you took to playing solo acoustic guitar? Did you do the whole garage band thing first or were you always attracted to acoustic music? And what were your formative influences, musical or otherwise? Everyone in my family was a total music lover, so I was bombarded with good music of all styles from an early age. When I was in elementary school, Jean Ritchie would come and perform every year… that’s probably the first traditional folk music I was exposed to. I played a festival with her later on and at the after-show jam, I talked her into giving me a dulcimer lesson, which was totally cool of her. My Aunt Rachel sang and played guitar and I was always asking to play her guitar. I bugged her so much, in fact, that she gave me one of hers - a Beltone. What a beauty! That pretty much started me down the guitar road. Also my dad would buy 45s from the guy that stocked the jukeboxes in the beer joints he frequented and was always bringing home the cool, obscure music… lots of blues and extreme hillbilly stuff. Later on I became a Roger Miller fan and pretty much taught myself to play listening to his records. My grandmother was bedridden for a long time and I would go to her house and try the songs out on her. If I got her laughing I considered it a success.

Then at the age of 14, the Beatles broke and that’s when me and probably a billion other teenagers decided to become musicians. That turned into a succession of garage bands. Then in college I started getting more in to the folk music again. My buddy Dan Gore and I would spend hours at the school library listening to the old blues and Folkways records - The Harry Smith Anthology was a big favorite - and we began performing at the school’s coffeehouse every Friday night. It was run by my English teacher, Nancy McClellan, and she also organized some of the big folk festivals in the area. She may have encouraged me more than anyone to be a musician. Then when I was stationed in North Dakota in the Air Force, I began discovering the Takoma artists. I actually bought the Kottke/Lang/Fahey album because of the cool cover - I wasn’t that familiar with the artists at that point - and was blown away by it. I think the most influential album for me, though, is Peter Lang’s Thing At The Nursery Room Window. It’s still one of my top five favorite albums of all time. Which reminds me… I think Daniel Bachman forgot to give me back my Peter Lang CD!

What were you up to between the Takoma recordings and Jesus on a Greyhound? Did you keep making music during this period? Can you tell us how Jesus… came about? When the Takoma thing fell apart, I continued playing around Los Angeles, Sometimes solo, sometimes with a small group. I played with a bass and tabla player for a spell - that was a great sounding little combo. Then in the mid 80s, I started a country rock duo called Crazy Hearts with Karen Tobin. We had a song on the A Town South Of Bakersfield compilation, along with Lucinda Williams, Jim Lauderdale and Dwight Yoakam, then went to Nashville to showcase, but Karen ended up getting a solo deal on Atlantic Records and that was pretty much the end of the duo. Then I started a group called The Bum Steers with my good friends Edward Tree on electric guitar, Taras Prodaniuk on bass and Billy Block on drums. We caused quite a ruckus in Nashville: Porter Wagoner personally invited us to play the Grand Ol’ Opry, but I think we may have been a little too left-of-centre for that town. Anyway, after these two full-blown groups, I decided to get back to basics and perform solo again. Jesus On A Greyhound came about because I wanted to write an album’s worth of songs that sounded good with just voice & guitar. And although I did add some extra musicians to the record, the music is still drastically stripped down compared to what I had been doing. And totally acoustic. At the moment there seems to be a veritable swarm of young players influenced by the American Primitive sound. Do you feel any particular affinity for them? Are there any favourite players who particularly stand out for you?  When The Lost Takoma Sessions came out, were you aware of people like Jack Rose and Glenn Jones? I started to become a lot more aware of the newer guitarists when Lost Takoma came out. I did a short tour with Joanna Newsom and she turned me on to a lot of the younger players. Of course I was aware of Jack Rose and was already a Glenn Jones fan. Then, like I said earlier, I did a short tour with Daniel Bachman and was really impressed with his playing. He’s on fire… seems like he puts out a new record every two weeks. Met Nathan Bowles through Daniel and I really enjoy his banjo playing, both solo and with the Black Twig Pickers. I’ve become friends with quite a few of the new pickers: through Don Bikoff I met Matt Sowell, who introduced me to Kyle Fosburgh, who introduced me to Hayden Pedigo. I got to play a duet with Hayden on his new record Five Steps. There is certainly no shortage of excellent young musicians out there! Lots of great records being made…I’m always checking out the new stuff. You play banjo on a couple of tracks on the new album, which sounds fantastic. Are you a big fan of the instrument? Are we likely to hear more banjo excursions from you in the future? Thank you… I love playing banjo! Seems like I don’t do it as much as I would like to, but it’s getting a little more frequent all the time. I keep saying I’m going to get a really nice clawhammer and get serious with it… someday! I was at a songwriter retreat in Stanley, Idaho, a couple of weeks ago and one of the musicians had a killer clawhammer with nylon strings that sounded amazing. So what happens next? Any plans for gigs? Have you got more material up your sleeve? Well I have at least five albums worth of material yet to record, so I’ll just keep plugging along and making new records. Been getting a lot of pressure to put out a follow-up to Jesus On A Greyhound, so that’s probably the next project up. Unless things change…which they do! And of course I plan to keep gigging as long as I can.

Behind kY - Mark Fosson’s Track-by-Track Guide

We asked Mark about the guitars and other instruments he used on kY. He responded by sending us a track-by-track guide to the instruments played and the tunings, as well as a little background on each of the tunes. Jimmy Leg Mule high strung Tacoma Road King [C -G - C - G - C - E] You need to visualize riding this mule as you listen. Loose Change 1995 Martin 00016GT [Standard Tuning] The ‘loose change’ refers more to the chord progression than the amount of coins in my pocket. The way it sort of gets lost at the end and falls in a hole… I meant to do that! When We Were Young 1968 Gibson B-25 12 String [A# - F - A# - F - A# - D] I wrote this one for my grandparents, Harry & Grace Steed. Kingdom Come Deering "GoodTime” banjo [G - D - G - A# - D] Kingdom Come is a real town in Harlan County, Kentucky. Indian Summer Tacoma DM1812E3 12 String [C - F - C - F- F- C] Glenn Jones showed me this tuning and I proceeded to write about seven songs using it. Dogwood Dulcimer was made by Robbie Long, San Geronimo, CA 1976 [A - A - A - D] I often wonder if the fellow who built this dulcimer is still alive? Simpleton 1956 Gibson LG2 [C - G - C - G - C - E] There was a fellow named John in my hometown who would stand on the corner directing traffic & waving to everyone who passed. In the old days he would have been considered the ‘village idiot” but my folks used to refer to him as the ambassador of good will. Cold Dark Hollow 1956 Gibson LG2 [D - A - D - F - A - D] A cold dark hollow is an eerie place when the sun is about to go down… I tried to capture that feeling. Avondale Strut Tacoma DM1812E3 12 String [C - G - C- E - G - C] The part of town where the black folks lived… my romanticized idea of a regular Friday night there. A Drink w/Stephen F 1995 Martin 00016GT [Std tuning] Legend has it that Stephen Foster drank himself to death in the North American Hotel and left this world with 38 cents in his pocket. Which brings us back to the amount of coins in my pocket… let me check… hmmm …39 cents. Bad Part Of Town Deering “Good Time” banjo [G- D - G - B - D] There’s a ‘Bad Part’ in every town… And I’ve been to a LOT of towns Kentucky 1990 Gibson J100 [D - A - D - F - A - D] I’m not sure what this one is about. Come Back John 1968 Gibson B25 12 String [ A# - F - A# - F - A# - D] This is me trying my damndest to write a John Fahey tune… inspired by Sunflower River Blues, which John taught me how to play backstage at Bob Baxter’s Guitar Workshop, 1977.

[dailyaudiobible]

12/20/2019 DAb Transcript

Haggai 1:1-2:23, Revelations 11:1-19, Psalms 139:1-24, Proverbs 30:15-16

Today is the 20th day of December. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I’m Brian. It is great to be here with you today as we come in and find our place around the Global Campfire for the next step forward in the Scriptures. And as we move ourselves into the end of this week, we will encounter a new book. Surprise. Today's book, and we will read the entire book in the Old Testament is called Haggai. And usually our custom is to…to talk about a book that we’re going to enter into or that we’re going to read in its entirety before we do that so that we have some context for it but I’m gonna flip that a little bit. And we’ll talk about Haggai at the end today once you had a chance to read it. And that might help us glean some more meaning for it that we can take into our day and take into the rest of this month and into our lives. So, we’re reading from the God's Word Translation this week and we’ll read the entire book of Haggai, which contains two chapters.

Commentary:

Okay. So, let's go back and just to review some of the territory that we encountered today, especially in the book of Haggai. So, Haggai is another one of the books that we know as the minor prophets. It’s the 12th of the minor prophets and like the other minor prophets there’s not a bunch to go on to find out, like who is…who was Haggai. And to begin to investigate this we just need to remind ourselves we need to go back to the time that this is taking place. We…we will recall the fact that the kingdom of Israel split into two kingdoms, northern and southern kingdoms, and we will recall through our journey this year that both of those kingdoms, the kingdom of Israel in the North and the kingdom of Judah in the south, both were conquered eventually. So, the Assyrian Empire conquered Israel, the 10 tribes of the north and took them into exile and they disappeared…like they were they were never cohesive tribes again. The kingdom of Judah was conquered by Babylon and we’ve read a lot about that story and a lot of prophetic utterances from within that time. And we recall that Babylon was then subsequently conquered by Persia and then the exiles were allowed to begin to return back to their homeland. And this is the time that we find ourselves in in Haggai. And we should note, because it’s so easy to miss because, you know, we’re just moving through the Scriptures that…these exiles, the destruction of the promised land and the displacement of the Hebrew people, this occupies a considerable amount of the Old Testament. This was a devastating thing to these people. So, we know that Haggai was among those who returned from the Babylonian exile and he was living in Jerusalem. And probably he was one of the first, the first wave of exiles that were allowed to return to a destroyed city. And we also know that Haggai, he had access to people who were in power because the book of Haggai tells us who it is to. The message was delivered to the Zerubbabel, the governor of Judah. And we should remember that name because we learned about Zerubbabel. We followed his story in the book of Ezra and Nehemiah. But the book of Haggai also says that Zerubbabel and Joshua, the high priest, were to receive the message. So, obviously he had access to give important message…messages to important and powerful people. And the message that Haggai received from the Lord was hopeful and maybe even more motivational. But we have to understand why. And that’s why we were just talking about some of the territory that we’ve covered the get here. Babylon did conquer Jerusalem and Jerusalem’s people were lead into exile somewhere around 586 B.C. And then Babylon, as we just mentioned, was conquered by the Persian Empire in 539 B.C. And, so, the Persian kingdom, the new ruler, King Cyrus allowed the first wave of exiles to go back to Jerusalem, under the leadership of Zerubbabel who was in charge around 538 B.C., like a year later. Haggai’s message is 18 more years in the future, in 520 B.C. So, the exiles, the first wave of exiles have been back in the land of promise for 18 years. And, incidentally, Haggai’s prophecies are some of the most precisely dated utterances in the Bible. Haggai, was prophesying between August 29th through December 18th 520 B.C. So, anyway, the first wave of exiles is able to return from their captivity in Babylon and to begin to resettle a homeland that had been lost. And for 18 years the temple was not complete. So, all kinds of things came against people. We read of these things in other books - political opposition, intimidation, right? Surrounding nations threatening. Just…just all of the unrest just halted the efforts. Instead, the people were building their own homes and building their own lives, but they were building new homes and new lives without the temple being the centerpiece of their culture, which it had always been. We will remember some of the agonizing utterances that came out of the exile about the destruction of the Temple and the captors asking people to sing songs of…of their homeland by the river Kabbar. And how could they do that if they forget Jerusalem? How could they do that if…if the temple is lost? And, so, now the people are back for 18 years and they’re able to be back in their land and build the temple again and they don’t. And, so, God comes to Haggai abd says, “why…why are you living in luxury while my house is in ruins?” And then God began to reveal to the people why they had been struggling so hard for these 18 years. And it was ultimately because the people had become self-absorbed and focused upon themselves and neglected God and neglected the building of God’s temple. And, so, Haggai’s telling them, “you gotta like…the priorities are wrong. Like, this is backward. We’re just repeating the same story we keep repeating. We’ve got to put God first because God has future plans.” And, so, according to Haggai, construction resumed again on September 21st 520 B.C. and in less than a month later on October 17th of that same year now that the temple is being rebuilt God reveals what He’s up to. This is what the Lord of heaven’s says, “in just a little while I will again shake the heavens and the earth, the oceans and the dryland. I’ll shake all the nations and the treasures of all the nations will be brought to this temple. I will fill this place with glory, says the Lord of heaven’s armies. The silver is mine and the gold is mine says the Lord of heaven’s armies. The future glory of this temple will be greater than its past glory, says the Lord of heaven’s armies. And in this place, I will bring peace. I, the Lord of heaven’s armies have spoken. Alright? So, that is what God intended to do with his people when he brought them back from exile, to restore them and then begin to flow the riches of the world, the very peoples that had conquered and attempted to destroy them to bring the wealth of the nations back into the temple. And there was no temple because the people were too busy seeing about their own welfare in their own lives. So, let’s make this come home. Let’s bring this a little closer. I…I have been to Jerusalem many times and there is no temple in Jerusalem. The final temple of the Lord, the one that Jesus himself would have been familiar with was destroyed in A.D. 70, by the Romans, so there is no temple there anymore. But the Scriptures…the Scriptures tell us that we are the temple of God. In other words, the glorious presence of the Lord of heaven’s armies indwells and resides inside the temple of our lives. The people in the time of Haggai had spent their energy trying to make life work on their own, but all of their efforts were yielding far less results than they were expecting because they had put their exterior lives first, ignoring the rebuilding and upkeep of the temple. Do you…do you see the parallels going on here? We are the temple. Is it in ruins because we have spent all of our efforts trying to create an exterior life that is curated and looks magical to the exterior world, but inside here, inside ourselves where we live, we know it’s in ruins? And are we working our butts off as hard as we know how to do, and we simply are not in any way yielding the results we expected? For the hearers of Haggai’s message, God’s plan had always been to consolidate the prosperity of the other nations who had pillaged them, and bring it flooding back into the temple. So, if they had maintained the temple, if they had put God first then their toil for those 18 years would’ve been vastly more fruitful. Maybe that could explain a lot about things going on in our lives. Maybe the temple is in ruins. While we build and build and build and surround ourselves with stuff so that we can pretend that’s not true. And maybe this has yielded far less results than we were expecting and so we’ve confused ourselves and felt as if it’s God’s fault, that he’s withholding from us.

And then we encounter what we read in the Psalms today. “How precious are your thoughts concerning me oh God. How vast in number they are. If I try to count them there would be more of them than there are grains of sand.” That's a lot of thoughts about you. Maybe God isn’t withholding anything from us. Maybe it's we who are withholding from him.

Prayer:

Father, we invite You into that. As we stay in this season of longing and expectation, we consider our own hearts. It's easy enough for us to consider the baby Jesus but You have indwelled the temple of our hearts and this is where You reside. And, so, we invite Your Holy Spirit to see what kind of place we've made for You to live in. Is it in ruins or are we lovingly maintaining it? Come Holy Spirit into that question today. We ask in the mighty name of Jesus. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is the website, it’s home base, it’s where you find out what’s going on around here.

And we’re just moving ourselves…I mean��it's right in front of us, right? Christmas is upon us. And, so, we’ll move through this weekend and the final Sunday of Advent and then into Christmas. And it's gonna be busy, probably for most of us, but we can choose how…how we’re gonna approach this, whether grounded and rooted or whether swept away. And I guess that’s one of the main things that we learn from the Bible is it continually gives us a path to choose. And, so, right now, my choice is to stay rooted and grounded knowing that they’ll be challenges to that but deciding ahead of time helps an awful lot. So, that's kind of where I’m at and maybe…maybe you’re thinking about the same kinds of things because here we are. And one of the things that I find to be really grounding around the Christmas season is our…is our annual Christmas party and we’re putting that together…together now to come out to release sometime between now and Monday. So, be on the lookout for that and it will just…wherever it is that you listen to the Daily Audio Bible, it’ll just show up as an episode. So, just watch for that. Putting the final…final touches on it. So, keep an eye out for it.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible here in these last…last weeks of the year...actually we’re inside of two weeks of this decade. So, wow! If you to partner with the Daily Audio Bible thank you profoundly and humbly. There is a link on the homepage of the website. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or the mailing address, if you prefer, is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or comment you can press the Hotline button in the app, the little red button up at the top or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that is it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Father God, thank You so much for this new day, for this new opportunity we have to serve You where we are. Thank You, Lord so much for where You have placed us. Thank You for the village, town, or city that we are in. Thank You for the country that we are in. Thank You for the people that we interact with day by day. Help us Lord to please be a shining light and a good ambassador for You. Lord, thank You for the opportunity the British people had yesterday to vote for who they wanted to represent them in parliament. Father God, thank You for the 650 people who have been voted into the British Parliament. I pray Lord that they would be good role models for us all. I pray Lord that each of them will be looking to work together for the good of the British people. And Lord, probably most importantly and I should’ve said at first, I pray that they would come to know and love You as Lord and Savior because that is what is most important, their salvation. Father God, thank You so much for my brothers, our brothers and sisters who have been elected into the British Parliament and I pray Lord that they would be shining lights where they are. Thank You so much for this opportunity that these 650 people have to serve the British people for the next five or so years. May You be at work Lord Jesus holy and precious name. Amen. Hi guys, Michaela from Gloucester. Please be praying from unity in the UK. There are a lot of disappointed and disillusioned people but there also a lot of happy people. Please continue to pray for us. Thanks. Bye.

This is Rachel from Pennsylvania. Dear God, I want to pray for those that are bipolar and who struggle with knowing when they are off and need to make adjustments. I want to pray for Matt’s cousin Diane who is bipolar and did something and ended up arrested and then charges were dropped because of her condition, is now in an institution. And I just pray for her recovery and that you will move in her and you will use Matt to witness to her and to help change her life. I also want to pray for the boy with bipolar syndrome who wanted to be with Jesus and stabbed himself and is now in an institution. Lord, just be with him, heal him, and just help him to stabilize so that he can function and…and be with You by understanding that You’re with him, always in him, and, you know, that he can walk with You here on earth before he meets You in heaven. And I also want to pray for Standing Firm in South Carolina whose I think wife may be bipolar. I want to thank You that you are straightening things out there. I don’t know details, but you called in with a praise report. So, thank You God for that. And will continue to pray for him. And I also want to pray for my dad to just keep him stabilized as well. Amen.

Hello Daily Audio Bible community my name is Jimmy I’m calling from Connecticut. I’ve been with the Daily Audio Bible since the second year. Been going through a lot ever since then. Been through a very long separation and divorce. Had a lot of depression since my brother passed away last year. And lately, I just lost my job. I am now in my home that I bought for my family by myself and trying to financially get back on my feet. I’ve been praying nonstop for the past couple years. It’s been hard because I’ve been doing the work of the Lord, praying for people and it seems like personally I am just not making it. So, asking for prayer in my finances that I will find a good job. I was in my job for 13 years and let go for doing the right thing. Also, prayer for my daughter who’s being baptized, seven and wanted to be baptized, which is an amazing thing. But I am thankful for Brian and your family for all these years that it’s been a staple in my life. So, yeah, thank you.

Hey Daily Audio Bible to Be a Blessing in California. Just wanted to let you know it’s wonderful to always hear the community connecting and even though I haven’t been calling in for a while it’s just, you know, sometimes there are those moments when we just don’t call, and we really should. So, here I am. I…it’s been a challenging time with work and my health and the season and knowing that there are people that I miss. I know that there are those of you who are experiencing similar situations with relationship issues and lost loved ones who have passed away or jobs that have gone away or just…it’s a hard time. So, know that I am praying for you. Ask that you would pray for me also. There’s a man in the hospital, Anthony, is in need of a lung transplant. So, if you would keep him in prayer and his family. He’s been needing it for a while, and this is just a really trying time. Ms. Johnson had a mini stroke and is it in acute rehab. So, they believe she’ll be able to get back home but needs to have intensive care rehab. So, please keep her in prayer. Lastly, there will be a blue Christmas service that I will be participating in, leading on the 21st and really ask for your prayerful support for those who will be a part of the service, that they will be healthy, for those who will be coming that they will receive the love of Jesus in so many ways and just for how the service will be organized. Really appreciate that support. God bless you all. Bye-bye.

This is Pam and Dallas and I just wanted to reach out to the man who reached out about his wife, the registered nurse who has been ill and is discouraged and with a child who has cerebral palsy. Just praying for your whole family. That’s a tough situation to be in and just want you to know that you’re being prayed for. Bye.

This is TM from Botswana. Candace from Oregon, thank you so much for the prayer for you say has been attributed to Francis of Assisi which you prayed for us today on the 13th of December. This is the one that says, “God let me be an instrument of thy peace.” This prayer was exactly what I needed to hear with all the small challenges I am currently experiencing with various aspects of my life and relationships. I started listening to DAB this year in February and this is the first time that I have called. I thank God so much for leading me to DAB, which I have found quite coincidently it seems but which must be God’s answer to my prayer a year ago when I asked him to help me read and understand the Bible and for him to reveal himself to me through the Scriptures. Thank you, Brian and the entire DAB community for all that you do to guide us through the word of God and for your commentary which unravels the Scriptures so aptly and in a way that speaks so directly to our individual experiences. I am so glad to be part of this community and look forward to beginning next year’s listening right from the first day of the year and to experience a repeat of the journey through the Bible. And, Rebecca from Michigan, thank you for your prayer for all the children and for reminding us to raise our children in the way of God. I was very blessed by that teaching. I thank you all DABbers.

Good day, it’s Kelly from Australia. How are you all going? I’m calling today to ask if you’d keep our country Australia in your prayers over this festive season. We are experiencing severe drought right now as well as devastating bushfires that are ravaging our country, destroying our properties, livestock, and wildlife. Scorching hot temperatures are forecasted for the coming weeks and not a drop of rain is insight. Our firefighters will be working tirelessly over the festive season. The Bush fire smoke is as thick as fog, our rivers and dams have dried up, and farmers crops have not been sown or harvested. Even if farmers have the money to feed their livestock, which some don’t, the feed now is scarcely available. And what’s gonna happen in the coming months and years from this drought and bushfires is unimaginable. So, I’m just wondering, could you please keep our great southland in your prayers? We desperately need rain. We desperately need relief from this drought in bushfires. It has reached proportions that I don’t…I just don’t know what’s in store for us. Thank you and have a great day. Bye.

[creideamhgradochas]

Thanks to the lovely @sgtjbuccky for taking the time to answer these! Get to know more about Salina, go give her a follow and then show her some love!

These questions are from this list. You should check it out, there’s 50 questions all together and they’d be great to ask your favorite fic writer!

1. How old were you when you first starting writing fan-fiction?

I honestly can’t remember! I began writing very early, so around the age of 11! But I gotta admit, I had no idea what fan fiction even was back then!

2) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.

I want to say both, actually. I believe that even if they’re reader inserts, they’re still kind of an OC. Yes we refrain from describing the physical traits, but the personality, and backstories of the reader insert are created by us writers, so in a sense reader inserts can also be OCs!

3) What is your favorite genre to write for?

I have several favorite genres actually! Romance, drama, action, and comedy.

4) If you had to delete one of your stories and never speak of it again, which would it be and why?

I actually already have deleted one of my fics and never spoken of it again! It was back when I first began posting. About reader being the Avengers’ getaway driver and it was fun/fluffy/flirty, but I kinda panicked and deleted the entire thing. I don’t even know if any of the OG’s remember it! It was up for barely two days!

5) When is your preferred time to write?

Definitely at night, after midnight!. It’s like my brain is a poetic basket of gold at that time!

6) Where do you take your inspiration from?

All sorts of things, from stories I read, to music I hear, to dreams I have. Daydreaming about scenarios is always a good source of inspiration as well!

7) In your Peach Scone fic, what’s your favorite scene that you wrote?

Oh there were so many golden moments in that fic! But I’ll have to say my favorite scenes to write was Bucky fainting, nearly choking on his tie, and the confession scene!

8) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?

I have been very fortunate not to receive any direct criticism to the stories I write. I did, however, once have a reader that criticized my way of portraying a certain character in a fic even though the request required it - but I did not change it.

9) Who is your favorite character to write for? Why?

As I mostly write for Bucky, it’s safe to say he is my favorite. It has a lot to do with the lengths you can take his character, from cocky to sweet to the biggest cheeseball in history. That’s mainly what I love about fanfiction, we can portray our favorite characters the way we want! I have a special love for Steve as well, and I will be dedicating some love for him soon as well!!

10) Who is your least favorite character to write for? Why?

I wouldn’t say I have a least favorite character to write for!

11) How did you come up with the title for the Peach Scone?

I merely based it on the song the fic was originally very loosely based on!

12) How did you come up with the idea for Peach Scone?

It came to life from a request, and people wanted Bucky to confess his love so I just came up with a few attempts he’d have to go through before being able to say the magic words!

13) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

I have at least 10 abandoned WIPs! When inspiration lacks and I can’t move forward with the fic I usually leave it be, and at times I go back to it and other times I don’t!  

14) Are there any stories that you’ve written that you’d really love to do a sequel to?

Yes!! I’d firstly love to do a sequel to Always Be You because I believe they deserved a happy ending, yet I didn’t give it to them (cause it’s good to be mean at times). And for Run to Me - I love my mobster! Boss Bucky, but I’m also a bit conflicted with wanting to continue it, I’d never forgive myself if I managed to ruin the characters somehow!

15) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?

Yes, as mentioned above Always Be You deserved a happy ending!!

16) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?

I have tons of writers I admire, and they all know who they are! Especially here on tumblr, my mutuals are my babes and I admire them all in one way or another! They make me want to continue writing and together it’s amazing to create a support system!

17) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?

Not plot wise, but the writing can make me cringe when I read some of my older works - which is why I want to go back and edit them one day!

18) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?

Music for sure, makes the creativity flow!

19) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?

Oh hell yes. I am very expressive when I write, and crying while writing is almost a must!

20) Which part of your Peach Scone fic was the hardest to write?

Probably part 5 where Bucky is high. I had to remember not to make him too cocky or self confident so I wouldn’t lose his dorky portrayal completely! It was a bit harder than the rest of it!

21) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow?

I always make an outline - it helps me keep track of what I want in reach paragraph/chapter - that way I know what to include and when to include it.

22) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fan-fiction?

The fact that if a fic doesn't do “good”, the disappointment hits way harder than one should realize. I’m trying and also always preaching to focus on writing for oneself to keep this feeling at bay, but we’re all humans and I think many people feel this way!

23) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?

I really liked my fic “Always Be You” but it wasn’t really to many people’s liking, why, I don’t know, but hey I will never try to force my stories down people’s throats! I do know those who read it loved it and that’s enough for my heart!

24) In contrast to 23 is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at?

It’s not that I don’t like the fic, I do, I just never thought I managed to write it any good, but “Bootycall” got tons of love and it left me so stunned!!!

25) Are any of your characters based on real people?

Yes! I often take inspiration from my friends when looking for certain characters traits, and as writing reader insert I believe a piece of the writer itself is always there.  

26) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?

Oh I’ve been so blessed with all the love I’ve gotten, I still have difficulty fathoming it at times! But I was once called a “Literary deity” and I don’t as a writer it can get any better than that. I still cry thinking about it.

27) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?

Someone once told me the journey of my characters was wrong, when it is my story. Kinda harsh!

28) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest?

I often keep them to myself, and sometimes share if I want an opinion on if it would be any good!

29) Do people know you write fan-fiction?

They don’t! Or my brother knows, but that’s about it, no one else I know irl know!

30) What’s you favorite minor character you’ve written?

I haven’t actually written the character just yet - but it’s hopefully in an upcoming Steve x Reader fic. The reader’s twin is gonna be fun to write, and then I really like Mia from Run to Me because she was a sweetheart and I would’ve loved to write her way more than the two single scenes she was in.

31) What spurs you on during the writing process?

Music, and when the ideas just flow!!

32) What’s your favorite trope to write?

I’m a sucker for allI the classic tropes - friends to lovers, enemies to lovers, every single AU I can get my hands on. Basically it all! Fake- dating trope, I mean it’s all gold. I haven’t written enough of all these glorious tropes!

33) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?

I do! It was a Harry Potter fanfic, more specifically Dramione, the classic “secretly dating”and honestly it was so good, I’m kinda bummed I can’t remember the title of it! It could be fun to go back and reread it!

34) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

Fluff for sure. Even if I do like a good round of angst as well, fluff is my go to. Life is so hard and full of problems all the time, with a goof fluffy piece all of that can be ignored!

[mrlnsfrt]

The Messes We Make

As we continue our journey through 1 Samuel in our Of Kings and Men series we have arrived at 1 Samuel 28-29.

Introduction

As a child, did you ever think about running away from home?

I remember one time thinking about running away from home. I do not remember exactly what triggered it. My childhood was not bad and I believe it was something silly like having to clean my room or eat my vegetables. Whatever it was, I had had enough of my parents’ “overbearing” control of my life. I was going to leave. On my own, I could do whatever I wanted, I was done with all their rules.

So I went into my room, closed my door, and began to think about what I should bring with me. Of course, I would need my favorite toys. That’s when I realized it would be very difficult to decide which ones to bring and which ones to leave behind. I didn’t want to leave any of them behind. Also, I didn’t have much room. I only had a plastic shopping bag I had grabbed from under the kitchen sink. So I grabbed another bag. I also realized I could not make my pillow fit properly. Now that I was thinking about my pillow, where would I sleep? Would I need a blanket as well? What would I do about the street dogs if any of them decided to chase me? (I lived in Brazil at the time and this was a genuine concern)

As I was realizing this was going to be a lot harder than I had anticipated I also realized that I was beginning to feel hungry. Then I thought about how difficult it would be to bring food with me, and how I did not know how to prepare food.

As dinner time approached I realized that my life was not so bad. I stayed for dinner. Turns out that my mom’s vegetable soup was not that terrible. As the evening showers came I was glad I had a roof over my head. And even though my sister and I did not always see eye to eye I was glad I was not alone.

The advantage of being a young child is that it did not take much for me to realize that I could not live on my own. After very little thought I realized how much I relied on my parents to provide for me.

As I have grown older, I still experience the temptation to run away from problems and uncomfortable situations. The main problem with this is when I do not check with God first, and when I think I escaped my problem I do not realize I just created a new and often bigger one.

Brief Review

1 Samuel 27 records David allying himself with the Philistines. (I have a post that touches on this entitled No Quick Fixes.) David did not consult with God before making this decision, and it was born out of fear of Saul. In this post, we will examine some of the challenges that came with David’s decision.

David was in a difficult position while he was in Israel because Saul was persecuting him. Now David is with the Philistines, but that brings with it even greater challenges.

The Philistines gathered for battle against Israel (again)

1 Samuel 29 begins much like 1 Samuel 28, except the locations are different. (It could be that the two events happened only a few days apart and the armies simply shifted positions as they prepared for battle. It is very likely that the events described in 1 Samuel 29 began before the events described in 1 Samuel 28 and that much of the story was taking place at the same time.)

Now it happened in those days that the Philistines gathered their armies together for war, to fight with Israel. And Achish said to David, “You assuredly know that you will go out with me to battle, you and your men.”

So David said to Achish, “Surely you know what your servant can do.”

And Achish said to David, “Therefore I will make you one of my chief guardians forever.” - 1 Samuel 28:1-2 NKJV

In first Samuel 28, we see David giving an obscure answer. Achish assumes that David will fight for him, but that is not exactly what David said, though it could be interpreted in that manner. David finds himself in a difficult position. On the one hand, Achish has given David a city to live in, and David no longer needs to be afraid of Saul trying to kill him. On the other hand, David cannot be honest with Achish, 1 Samuel 27:8-12 makes this abundantly clear. David has been lying about raiding the Geshurites, the Girzites, and the Amalekites, and instead of saying he had been raiding the southern area of Judah, or the southern area of the Jerahmeelites, or the southern area of the Kenites. Essentially denying he was raiding the enemies of Israel and claiming he was raiding the friends of Israel.

Achish believes David, and David is living this double life, always concerned about being found out. Trying to be faithful to God while also maintaining his friendship with a pagan king who was an enemy of God’s people.

The Problems Increase.

David’s lies work on Achish.

And Achish said to David, “Therefore I will make you one of my chief guardians forever.” - 1 Samuel 28:2b NKJV

This leads to new problems down the road.

Then the Philistines gathered together all their armies at Aphek, and the Israelites encamped by a fountain which is in Jezreel. And the lords of the Philistines passed in review by hundreds and by thousands, but David and his men passed in review at the rear with Achish. Then the princes of the Philistines said, “What are these Hebrews doing here?” ~1 Samuel 29:1-3a NKJV

David and his men are now part of the combined Philistine army! David and his men are essentially marching with the Philistines as the Philistines get ready to fight against Israel. Achish and David and his men come at the rear, at the very end of the line and the princes of the Philistines notice this and they are not happy.

David and his men are surrounded by Philistines. Try to imagine how this must have felt. Imagine the Philistines looking at David and his men and recognizing them as Israelites. Imagine the Philistines just eying them up and down. I wonder what kind of words might have been exchanged that were never recorded for us to read today. As I read this story and think about what it must have been like to have been there as an Israelite with the combined army of the Philistines.

Achish tried to explain everything to the Philistine princes, but they were not convinced.

But the princes of the Philistines were angry with him; so the princes of the Philistines said to him, “Make this fellow return, that he may go back to the place which you have appointed for him, and do not let him go down with us to battle, lest in the battle he become our adversary. For with what could he reconcile himself to his master, if not with the heads of these men? Is this not David, of whom they sang to one another in dances, saying:

‘Saul has slain his thousands, And David his ten thousands’?” - 1 Samuel 29:4-5 NKJV

Apparently, that song about David was really popular!

Achish goes to break the news to David, and he feels really bad, he even swears by David’s God YHWH, that David has been upright. Achish explains to David that the princes of the Philistines do not want him near them during the battle. David must have been relieved but he makes it seem like he is offended that he will not be allowed to fight. Interestingly David mentions fighting against the enemies of his lord the king. But David never clarifies what he means by that. Achish likely understood David to be referencing him, but it is possible that David was referring to Saul (1 Samuel 24:28), or maybe even king YHWH. Being in the rear David and his men were in a perfect position to attack the Philistines sandwiching them between his forces and Saul’s army. The Philistine army had reason to be concerned since something similar has happened before (1 Samuel 14:21).

Coming Home

At dawn, David and his men begin the 50-mile journey to Ziklag. The journey took them three days.

Now it happened, when David and his men came to Ziklag, on the third day, that the Amalekites had invaded the South and Ziklag, attacked Ziklag and burned it with fire, and had taken captive the women and those who were there, from small to great; they did not kill anyone, but carried them away and went their way. So David and his men came to the city, and there it was, burned with fire; and their wives, their sons, and their daughters had been taken captive. - 1 Samuel 30:1-3 NKJV

Most of us will go our whole lives without having our worst fears come true. I believe what just happened was the worst fear of David and many of his men. This situation could be taken straight out of a Hollywood movie.

If this were a movie, this is when David would send a letter to whoever took his wives. And the letter would say something along the lines of

“I don't know who you are.

I don't know what you want.

If you're looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money... but what I do have are a very particular set of skills.

Skills I have acquired over a very long career.

Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.

If you let my wives go now, that will be the end of it - I will not look for you, I will not pursue you...

but if you don't,

I will look for you,

I will find you...

and I will kill you.”

But this is not a movie, this is real life.

Handling Great Loss

Then David and the people who were with him lifted up their voices and wept, until they had no more power to weep. And David’s two wives, Ahinoam the Jezreelitess, and Abigail the widow of Nabal the Carmelite, had been taken captive. Now David was greatly distressed, for the people spoke of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and his daughters. But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God.

In real life, David and his men, some of the toughest men around just weep. They cry until they run out of tears. David at this point had lost three wives. King Saul had given his daughter Michal, David’s wife, to another (1 Samuel 25:44). And now the Amalekites had taken Ahinoam and Abigail. David’s men had also lost their wives and their children. Not to mention all their possessions and even their homes were burned down.

Blaming

How do we react when the worst possible outcome materializes itself?

The men blame David. They want to kill him!

Can you blame them though? It was David who decided to leave Israel. It was David who had not allowed them to kill Saul. It was David who had decided to become best buddies with Achish and travel over 50 miles to join a combined Philistine army. This was all David’s fault. David’s men's reaction was par for the course, it was a natural reaction, it is what we would expect from anyone dealing with extreme grief.

Blaming David and wanting to kill him are understandable behaviors, especially from those who have lost everything by following David.

Do we not behave similarly?

When something goes wrong we look for someone to blame. We demand blood, punishment, suffering. We are angry, we are hurting, and we want whoever we deem responsible to suffer too.

But here is the big question we fail to ask, or just don’t want to ask.

What will solve the problem? Or at least prevent it from happening again?

These big questions can really help give us direction and purpose in life. When you look around, what breaks your heart? What can you do to fix it? What are your skills and abilities and how can you put them to work towards fixing the problem? Move in that direction. This is something you never retire from, this is what you live for. At least for me, it is how I chose to live my life.

Options

The men wanted to blame and kill David. I honestly understand why they would want to pursue that course of action.

Now place yourself in David’s shoes. You feel terrible. This is the worst loss you have ever experienced, and it is all your fault. How could you ever become king? What kind of king causes his followers to lose everything? Maybe the best thing David could do is die. Maybe God was punishing him for lying to king Achish, for leaving Israel, and allying himself with the Philistines.

David could not call on the Philistines to help, David could not call on Israel for help. David was all alone. He only had his men and they were exhausted from a three-day journey and from crying and having their souls crushed.

It would be understandable for David to be crushed by his current situation. Have you ever felt like that? Like you have made such a mess out of your life that there was no option left?

Have you ever run away from home, from God, from your responsibilities only to realize that you just made everything worse and you only have yourself to blame?

In this world, there is so much suffering. It does not take much for you to suffer, suffering is all around us. We cannot escape it. Sometimes it feels like the only way to stop it is to stop living. There is a logic to that, but that is not your only option. I would say that is a terrible option. Ending your life is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

It must have felt like all hope was gone for David and his men. It must have felt like there was no point to life. David must have felt like a huge failure. But in reality, all was not lost. They were still alive, and they served a mighty God.

God does not always shield us from all suffering, but He does not abandon us in our suffering.

My friend, if you are feeling like your life is too much of a mess, like there is too much suffering, and you feel like there is no point to even trying anymore, remember that you have a God who never gives up on you. Turn to Him and let Him strengthen you and bring you through this.

A Leader

What set David apart from his men is that he did not seek to blame someone else. He took ownership of the mess he had made, he owned his mistakes and turned to God for a solution. David could have just as easily blamed others for his pain and suffering, but that would not solve his problem. David took action, David turned to God and strengthened himself in the Lord his God.

Now David was greatly distressed, for the people spoke of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and his daughters. But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God. - 1 Samuel 30:6 NKJV (bold mine)

Taking Action

After a good cry, David decided to turn to God to find out what his next step should be.

Then David said to Abiathar the priest, Ahimelech’s son, “Please bring the ephod here to me.” And Abiathar brought the ephod to David. So David inquired of the Lord, saying, “Shall I pursue this troop? Shall I overtake them?”

And He answered him, “Pursue, for you shall surely overtake them and without fail recover all.” - 1 Samuel 30:7-8 NKJV

David and his men had just traveled for three days, they had just cried until they ran out of tears, and now they were to take up arms and pursue an enemy force they had no intelligence on. They had no idea how many Amalekites they were going to face, they had no idea how far they would have to travel, they had no idea how well armed the Amalekite army would be and how well trained and organized they were. They had no idea of the terrain. Did they even have enough provisions for this mission? They were exhausted and probably running low on food and drink. How could they simply go and attack the Amalekites?

I see a couple of compelling reasons. One is that this is the only course of action that could restore their loss. The second is really the most compelling reason and that is because God told them they would be victorious. God never said it would be easy, but God did say they would succeed.

Many times in life we know God’s will for our lives. It is just that it seems like it would be so much harder to do it God’s way. God never promised us that life would be easy, but He does promise to never leave or forsake us.

And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.” - Deuteronomy 31:8 NKJV

Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen. - Matthew 28:19-20 NKJV (bold mine)

God promised victory and full restoration of all that David and his men had lost. But God was not going to drop everything in David’s lap as he sat in the shade drinking cool water. God would give David and his men the victory, it would be a gift from God. God would restore everything. But David and his men had to get up and go. They had to trust God and act on it.

Sure they were tired, sure they were sad and heartbroken, sure they wanted to rest, but they also wanted to have their wives and kids back, and they felt like that was worth fighting for.

Final Outcome

I strongly recommend you read all of 1 Samuel 30 since I will only summarize the rest of the story from this point on.

David and his men found the Amalekites and proceeded to defeat them so thoroughly that they are not mentioned against as an opponent of Israel until the time of Hezekiah (716-687 B.C.; 1 Chronicles 4:43)

I cannot tell you that life will be easy. I cannot tell you that you will not suffer. But I can tell you that it does not matter how much of a mess you make of your life, you cannot mess things up to a greater degree than God can fix. I am not saying that God will fix your life in a blink of an eye, I am not saying He will fix all your problems overnight. But I am saying that you should seek God’s direction and follow it. It will be difficult, but the results are in God’s hands. Trust the process, trust in His plans, trust in Him, in His love and might. Allow God to do amazing things through you.

God is willing to do amazing things for you and through you.

Are you willing?

I am not saying it will be easy, I am saying it will be worth it.

[perfectirishgifts]

Sing Along Forever: The Bouncing Souls Enter Their Fifties And Fatherhood—Together

New Post has been published on https://perfectirishgifts.com/sing-along-forever-the-bouncing-souls-enter-their-fifties-and-fatherhood-together/

Sing Along Forever: The Bouncing Souls Enter Their Fifties And Fatherhood—Together

The Bouncing Souls, 2020—COURTESY OF THE ARTIST

Bryan Kienlen and his wife, Nicole, have a new routine. When they first wake up, they give bottles to their babies, Cora and Layla. And before taking on their daily tasks, they dedicate quality time for cuddling, crawling and playing.

“All four of us have this really beautiful morning,” 51-year-old Kienlen says. “It’s how I start every day. It’s the coolest thing.”

Twenty years ago, The Bouncing Souls bassist often spent his golden hour stumbling home from a night of partying in New York City, groggy and regretful as commuters drank coffee and made their way to work.

Bryan Kienlen walks on the boardwalk with his family. New Jersey, November, 2020

But decades removed from his period of downtown debauchery, the domesticated punk has found stability and serenity through his 30-year musical journey, as a successful tattoo shop owner and as a family man. He says being a father and “giver” is the greatest thing he’s ever done.

“You find how rewarding it is,” Kienlen explains. “There’s such a stark difference from being a ‘band guy.’ When I was a young, single maniac writing songs and touring—I didn’t realize until I could see things from my current perspective—but I was more self-centered. Everything revolved around me. Now, that stage of my life is over and I’m here to serve and take care of my kids and my wife. And I’m so happy with that. It’s not all about me anymore, in a good way.”

A lot has changed for The Bouncing Souls, the cult-followed New Jersey punk band which formed when Kienlen, vocalist Greg Attonito and guitarist Pete Steinkopf were high schoolers in Basking Ridge, NJ.

In the 90s, the band lived in chaos at a series of “punk houses,” each complete with a revolving door of ill-behaved 20-somethings, drunks and miscreants.

The Bouncing Souls, 2001 (Photo by Mick Hutson/Redferns)

Today, Kienlen and Steinkopf have settled down in New Jersey, whereas Attonito set up shop in small-town Idaho. And miraculously—as all three musicians have entered their fifties—they’ve all, almost simultaneously, become fathers.

But much has stayed the same, too. Last year, the band celebrated its 30th anniversary by touring North America and England, performing songs from the guys’ 10 full-length albums and newest EP Crucial Moments. Three of the four original members remain, save for the role of drummer. George Rebelo, from popular Florida rock band Hot Water Music, joined in 2013.

And 2020, with its own unique set of circumstances, has encouraged the Souls to appreciate the past while embracing the new in both their musical and personal lives.

In October, the band released Volume 2, a record of reimagined songs ranging from the group’s newest single, appropriately titled “World on Fire,” back to fan-favorite “Gone,” from the 2001 album How I Spent My Summer Vacation. And on Saturday, December 12, the band will be hosting a livestream performance of the album in a digital concert called Live at Studio 4.

While the group didn’t expect an internet broadcast to replace its annual Asbury Park Home For The Holidays residency, Volume 2 itself was born under precarious timing.

Bouncing Souls, Live At Studio 4, Saturday December 12, 8PM ET

Recorded in March during two one-week sessions in Philadelphia, the band completed the record just as America was blindsided by COVID-19. As time passed in the studio, the threat of the oncoming pandemic quickly went from negligible to worrisome.

“When we first went in the studio, I’d just heard the murmurings of coronavirus,” 50-year-old Steinkopf says. “I was like, ‘What the f*** is that?’”

“The second week was more intense,” 50-year-old Attonito adds. “The restaurant above the studio closed on our last day. The crazy thing about it was, we were having such a positive experience. We were joking about how we were spontaneously creating from our old songs that we love and the world simultaneously was cinching in with dark gloom. Those last couple of days, we didn’t want to leave our bubble of happiness. We knew we were walking into this chaos of the unknown.”

The Bouncing Souls with producer Will Yip, March 2020, Philadelphia

“Even the week that things were getting really weird, we were hyper-focused and trying to stay off our phones,” Steinkopf says. “But every now and then, someone would be like, ‘Did you see this!?’ What the f*** is happening?!’”

Despite the impending doom, the Souls found the studio sessions to be fruitful. The band was able to recompose classic tracks, breathing new and unexpected life into staples and providing previously underappreciated songs with a second chance.

Attonito was able to sing from a more mature and controlled vocal perspective—leaving the guttural belting for the next fast-paced punk record—allowing him to put a new spin on songs he’s chanted thousands of times.

Steinkopf was able to give a nod to the 80s tunes that inspire him, drawing energy from bands like The Cure, rather than focusing on a checklist of sing-a-longs and “woah-oh-ohs.”

The band was even able to squeeze in some silly instrumentation, using a “cheesy” 80s Casio keyboard and toy instruments on the song “Hopeless Romantic.” At Kienlen’s burning request, they even incorporated a french horn into “Favorite Everything.”

But as the recording sessions wrapped up, the band scrambled to make travel arrangements to get home to their families.

“Everybody said goodbye,” Kienlen says. “And the world was never the same.”

The guys returned to their homes in New Jersey, Idaho and Florida. They kept in touch, but were just as anxious as the rest of the country. 

Steinkopf and Kienlen, Anchors Aweigh Tattoo Studio

Kienlen, like many other Americans, was forced to close his tattoo shop in Bradley Beach, NJ, Anchors Aweigh Tattoo Studio, for three months as the battle against COVID-19 took a stranglehold of the Northeast.

In the mountains 100 miles north of Boise, Attonito’s small resort town felt seemingly unchanged at the onset of the pandemic. But in the red state of Idaho, many remained resistant to masks, even as a surge of tourists in RVs flooded the area and caused a spike of positive cases.

Early on, Attonito felt depressed that band-life was on hold. Eventually, he started becoming conscious of mask-wearing in his dreams. And Steinkopf began to realize how much he missed the things he used to take for granted.

“Someone sent me a Souls show from a long time ago,” Steinkopf says. “I was watching it and I got real emo about it. There’s a lot of stuff I don’t go out and do as much these days, and now I’m like, ‘Man, I’m gonna go do everything when I can again!’”

But, in the meantime, the band adapted and found creative outlets to keep the spirit of the Souls alive. They started holding weekly Zoom meetings to catch up and launched the Can You Remember? podcast via Patreon, an endeavor they wouldn’t have pursued otherwise.

And along with their new projects, the guys are beginning to see a tentative semblance of “new normalcy.” Steinkopf is back producing in the studio again and Kienlen is booked up with tattoo appointments well into 2021. 

While the band is glad to feel productive and are eager to return to live music, they recognize what a unique opportunity the pandemic has offered them as new fathers. 

Kienlen and his wife adopted their first baby, Cora, as a newborn in December of last year.

Bryan Kienlen with his wife, Nicole, and daughter, Cora — December 2019

“At the time, I had one new baby, whom I hadn’t had the chance to bond with because we adopted,” Kienlen explains. “One day, you go from no baby to baby in your house, real fast. I still had touring through the end of the year and was booked out with [tattoo] appointments every other day that I wasn’t on tour. We never had a paternal leave or hardly a maternal leave, either. It was pretty difficult. When the lockdown happened it was a blessing for us because we got to stay home with her and truly bond every day.”

Then Kienlen went from having one baby to two babies just as quickly. In October, less than a year from Cora’s adoption, the couple was contacted with the opportunity to adopt a second child: a seven-month-old who they named Layla.

Kienlen and his daughter, Layla — October 2020

“We got that call on a Wednesday afternoon out of the blue,” he explains. “We picked her up that Friday. Talk about no time to plan! We scrambled to play catch-up a little. But I think we’re finally settling into a groove.”

While the couple were definitely hoping to adopt a second child so Cora would have a sibling, they were pleasantly surprised by the timing.

“We expected to wait a year or two,” Kienlen says. “That’s generally how long it takes. But I’m glad that it happened this way because they’re gonna be in the same grade. It couldn’t be better.”

Attonito and Steinkopf have also enjoyed their time home with their children. At the end of their conference call interview with Forbes, Attonito was adorably approached by his son, asking to say hello to “Uncie Pete.”

“If you’re gonna be locked down in a pandemic,” Attonito says. “You may as well be in a period where your child is under two or three years old, the most valuable moments to be with them all the time. In that sense, the timing is pretty good for all of us.”

Uncle Bryan & Lux — 2019

Fortuitous timing is just one example of the kindred connection between the members of The Bouncing Souls. Not only did they all enter their fifties together—Attonito and Steinkopf just days apart—but fatherhood, too.

Around three years ago, Attonito and his wife, Shanti, welcomed their baby boy, Ever. A few months later, Steinkopf and his wife, Keira, birthed their son, Lux.

“Serendipitous is a good word,” Kienlen says. “It describes the entire existence of our band. None of us had brothers growing up. Maybe on some deep level we found each other and bonded into a family and stayed together for life as brothers.”

They’re already growing together as parents, too, both in their capacity to love and overcome their fears.

“You could say a million things about having a child,” Attonito says. “But it pushes your capacity to look outside yourself and take care of someone. It pushes you to those limits in a way that, I don’t think, you can possibly experience without having a child.”

Greg Attonito with his wife, Shanti, and son, Ever

He continues: “I’m so glad I waited until I was in my late forties. The idea of having a child terrified me to no end. I felt like I would never be there for them. I’d be on tour all the time, that would be the worst. I wouldn’t be able to enjoy one or the other. I’m so glad it worked out the way it did. The fact that we’re all sharing this at the same time has been super special.”

“I was always the most terrified to have a child,” Steinkopf agrees. “I don’t know if it was the people I was with, my relationships or just being a selfish young guy. I would’ve been a s*** dad [laughs]. At this point in my life it just felt totally right. You spend your whole life being introspective and learning about yourself, but as soon as you have a kid, that’s magnified by a thousand. You think about your past, how you don’t want to impose stuff on your kid. It’s heady, but your heart is so f***ing full all the time. The most frustrating day now is like the best day I’ve ever had.”

Shanti, Ever & Greg Attonito — Pete, Lux & Keira Steinkopf

And the punks are embracing full-blown adulthood with sarcastic charm. Steinkopf insists he’s never felt better, as he and the singer offer a collective tongue-in-cheek, “F*** you, I’m 50!”

It’s the same self-assured confidence that the band tapped into while reconstructing classic Souls songs. While many were picked fairly arbitrarily, the group did make an effort to develop tracks on the basis of lyrics they felt were overlooked.

Take “Argyle,” off the 1996 album Maniacal Laughter, which was written by Attonito, but admired by Kienlen for its words. While the singer calls it a personal song that was “definitely written from the perspective of a mid-20s-year-old person,” he’s glad his bassist pushed to include it.

Another throwback featured on Volume 2, “Say Anything,” dates back to the band’s 1997 self-titled record. The Bouncing Souls was released just as the band’s collective lifestyle of punk house squalor came to a close.

Attonito, 1995 (Photo Steve Eichner)

“It’s well romanticized because it had moments of glory and moments of pure annoyance,” Attonito says laughing. “There’s a motivation there that’s sort’ve unexplainable. Once you hit your forties, you’re like, ‘How did I hold up?’”

Steinkopf adds: “It’s just like chaos, but it was chaos in a way that we were so f***ing motivated to do everything. We were gonna print shirts. Do this, do that—all together. It was intoxicating.”

Looking back, Attonito sees the era as a wave of energy and focus that propelled the band into a lifetime of performing. The first decade of insanity and perseverance allowed for an actual career in music. 

Bryan Kienlen (L), Greg Attonito (R) of The Bouncing Souls, 1995, Wetlands in New York City (Photo … [] by Steve Eichner)

While most of The Bouncing Souls may have taken a step back from the craziness in 1997, it took Kienlen a few more years. As all the members moved to New York, then moved on, their bassist remained and kept the “party” going the longest.

While recording Volume 2, he was able to revisit three songs he wrote during a tumultuous time, a rough patch that served as the blueprint to the band’s beloved 2003 release, Anchors Aweigh.

“Highway Kings,” “Kids and Heroes,” and “Simple Man,” all made the new record—and reignited feelings in the studio. They were also given a second chance musically.

“‘Simple Man’ was written in a pretty dark place for me,” Kienlen says. “It was a prayer to the universe for simplicity back in the middle of what was a bit of a storm in my personal life. To revisit some of those lyrics, I felt more like the returning conqueror. I’d survived. Now I can face these songs from a happier place.”

But when Kienlen first penned many of the songs to Anchors Aweigh, he wasn’t just experiencing love-life woes, but a “major life turn.”

“A whole reality was ending basically,” he says. “It wasn’t just a relationship, it was an entire reality that I had built around the relationship. It all just ended instantly and I was set free. But it was just me and my demons all of a sudden and no governing force.”

The bassist describes it as the perfect storm of a single guy who’s going through changes with nothing but time and cash in Manhattan’s Lower East Side. He went out and partied every night until the following day. He’d get going around 10:00PM, then leave bars and afterparties as the sun came up, feeling like a “ghoul.”

“It was the darkest I’ve ever felt,” Kienlen explains. “I was the most depressed I’ve ever felt in my life. Then, the following night it would just start again. Any happiness was produced by substances and all the other shallow crap that goes with that life. Night after night. You’d get so high and so happy, but not really. Not real happiness. When you heard that first bird chirping, that’s when you realized you f***ed up again.”

Bryan Kienlen of The Bouncing Souls plays before several thousand at the Vans Warped Tour, 2001, … [] Ventura, CA (Photo by Carlos Chavez/Los Angeles Times)

He continues: “And the things I was doing were definitely gonna get me killed. I was riding my motorcycle up the FDR [Parkway] going 120 miles per hour—that f***ing high—in the middle of the night with whoever on the back that I could’ve killed. It was just insane.”

Kienlen frequently hosted afterparties at his own apartment, too. As cliché as it sounds, he usually felt alone in a room full of people. 

“All the good stuff was gone,” he explains. “All my friends were just fellow ghouls—nightlife people. I felt pretty alone. Being apart from Greg and Pete during this was also part of the despair that I was feeling. That’s when I wrote ‘Simple Man’—probably about six in the morning on a park bench. Just one of those nights.”

Bryan Kienlen, 2006 (Photo by John Shearer)

After 15 years of living in New York City, from squatting to a city-subsidized apartment in Alphabet City, Kienlen decided to abandon the F Train and return to New Jersey living.

He’d fallen out of love with his gentrifying neighborhood and was sick of his own behavior. He also mourned the loss of the Old New York punk scene he once so enjoyed. The days of brown-bagging beer on his BMX bike and bouncing from CBGBs to Coney Island High to The Continental were over.

For years, the Jersey-born transplant never imagined leaving New York City, but his Anchors Aweigh turning point was critical to an end-game he never imagined: a house, a wife, two kids, a dog and his own business. The album’s cover, as always designed by Kienlen, is symbolic: a ship sailing off into the dark distance, marking the end of a chapter.

In that regard, it’s suitable that so many tracks from the album populate the ranks of Volume 2. The band’s following release, The Gold Record, marked a new “golden” age for the Souls. The 2006 record also established that after years of noodling across the Hudson River, the band’s homebase would forever be the Jersey Shore.

Greg Attonito crowd surfs at Bamboozle Left, 2008, Irvine, CA (Photo by Noel Vasquez)

Despite Attonito’s choice to commute from the sticks—and a drummer change or two—the rest, as they say, is Jersey history. It may be generational, but there are few acts that evoke an association to New Jersey quite like The Bouncing Souls. 

Bruce Springsteen requires no explanation. Bon Jovi isn’t far behind. The Misfits are, for some reason, inextricably connected to their hometown of Lodi. The New Brunswick boys in The Gaslight Anthem (with a co-sign from The Boss) have become hometown heroes. My Chemical Romance has immeasurably left its mark on the world, but somehow holds down its Garden State credibility.

But, for Gen X and Millennials, only The Bouncing Souls—with tracks as indicative as “East Coast, F*** You!” and the aptly-titled “So Jersey”—can conjure the feeling of the boardwalk under your feet, the smell of the Atlantic Ocean and the buzz of The Stone Pony. 

The Bouncing Souls performs at The Fillmore in Detroit, MI, 2013 (Photo by Scott Legato)

In a year as uncertain as 2020, at least fans have the consistency and renewed spirit of The Bouncing Souls—31 years in—to distract them, if only for a few minutes. 

“Call it naïve, but we committed to doing this for our whole lives,” Kienlen says. “I guess we took that commitment seriously. But we didn’t know what this meant, we didn’t have a picture in our head. I’m glad we made every decision from our hearts.”

Luckily, his bandmates are equally as enthused.

“It just gets better all the time,” Steinkopf says. “We have more fun as we get older. We’re in such a cool place. Turning 50 and feeling that way, I’m pretty f***ing stoked.”

Attonito adds: “Once you make it to 50, you can see the world and understand the value in having relationships that lasted this long—with each other and the audience. This is so incredible that we can do this. We love it. And because of the pandemic, when we get back, we’re all gonna appreciate things even more.”

Follow me on Twitter at @DerekUTG.

More from Arts in Perfectirishgifts

[anak-ng-heneral-blog]

your soul will not betray

I haven’t written Rusciang in A LONG-ASS TIME but here! 

Fifty one-sentence fics (well, more than one sentence for many of them) for fifty prompts, nicked off and inspired by this Chrom x Avatar fic called honeysuckle memories.

Title is from Don’t Be Afraid by Lee DeWyze, the song I listen to whenever I used to imagine a Rusciang 1890s wedding. 

Finally, have a refresher in case you’ve forgotten my Lunasona, Leriang Sentido. That said, enjoy!

#1 - Ring

Camaraderie was born in their nightly circles around the cookfire after dinner, until they couldn’t tell where one comrade ended and another began.

#2 - Hero

There was nothing grand, or sweeping, or romantic about the entirety of what they went through. What stood out was every small, ordinary, unpleasant moment they endured just for the right to live another day.

#3 - Box

Most people had a box of their favorite expletives. Rusca had a fucking baul.

#4 - View

He exchanges seats at the breakfast table with Jose, so he’s face to face with the new girl who doesn’t laugh at his jokes.

#5 - Strength

“Eduardo Rusca.”

“Leriang Sentido.”

“I know you,” he says, because it’s impossible not to by now. “You’re Rafael Sentido’s sister.”

Something flashes in her eyes, and if he were standing, he thinks he would have stepped backwards. “No, you don’t know me. I’m Leriang Sentido.”

#6 - Ice

“It’s just so rare that someone can resist your charms,” Jose says a week in, clearly enjoying the show.

Rusca is glowering at him. “Well, she’s a rare person, I’ll grant you that.”

#7 - Dance

“Maybe instead of breaking down her walls, you should try to understand why they exist,” Jose had advised him. So he spends today staying out of her way, trying to find vantage points where he can watch her.

By nightfall, she’s the one who’s watching him.

#8 - Promise

“You swear not to tell anyone about this,” Rusca says through gritted teeth, as she squeezes aloe sap onto the sunburn marks on his back.

“I swear,” Leriang says, and he thinks she might be smirking but his neck burns too much for him to turn and check.

It’s the first of many secrets they will keep together.

#9 - Wait

He likes to think he’s quick on his feet. She likes to inform him he’s just rash, and impatient, and por dios, por santo, Rusca, I told you so.

#10 - Candle

He doesn’t mind studying by candlelight, but he tries to read everything he needs before sunset so it takes longer to deplete his stash.

The following night, she runs out of candles.

He discovers he doesn’t mind studying by moonlight.

#11 - Talent

Somewhere in the Academia was a piece of paper detailing the weekly outcomes of the ongoing bet on Rusca and Sentido’s shooting scores.

#12 - Talk

They get to know each other best on the nights they’re on patrol; their feet trace the perimeter, their words map out their souls.

#13 - Dream

“If it weren’t for the war, I’d be a baker,” he confides. “I’d run my father’s panaderia and eat as much as I’d sell. And you?”

“If it weren’t for the war,” she replies, “I would know.”

#14 - Mask

I’m literally wearing somebody else’s face, Rusca thinks with a scowl as he trudges his way to the river.

#15 - Run

He admired the sight of her when she ran, all clean lines and sure steps and braid flying in the wind, but he never fully appreciated the reality of it until she was running to him.

#16 - Storm

They say like called to like, so maybe it was the rushing water of the river that called her tears to the surface, the current of emotion sweeping them both away.

#17 - Farewells

She had been terrified of the idea of her brother dying, which is why she had refused to say goodbye, and later regretted it. Now she’s twice as paranoid, because bidding Rusca goodbye so they would regret nothing if they died meant accepting that was a possibility.

#18 - Fall

He got tossed off his horse’s back when he was a young rider, and he remembered the shock of suddenly being aloft, the thrill of almost believing he could fly, and dreading the bone-crushing thud of the landing he knew would eventually come.

Being in love with Leriang was much the same.

#19 - Wings

If she only allowed it, her heart could probably soar above the mountaintops and leave the misery of the trenches behind—and that is the precise reason why she doesn’t.

#20 - Temptation

Jose is away for the night, and he’s miserably proud of his effort to resist inviting her into their hut.

She undoes it all by coming anyway.

#21 - Midnight

“Mahal kita,” she says after several minutes of silence, testing the words out on her tongue.

He responds with a resounding snore, and she lets out the breath she’s holding.

Maybe that’s just as well.

#22 - World

American, Spaniard, Filipino—they sweated and cried and bled out when they died all the same. To Rusca, it didn’t matter what color your balls were if they didn’t keep you alive in the trenches.

#23 - Laugh

He laughs in the face of death. Some people feel like he’s stupid, he’s annoying, he’s disrespectful, he’s crazy.

“That’s fine with me,” he tells her when she points it out to him. “The important thing is that they no longer feel fear.”

#24 – Cover

They cut through the chaos of their invaded campsite back to back, and though this is the closest to the enemy they have ever been, neither of them are afraid.

#25 - Fire

One moment she was a girl with a long, thick braid, the next she was a human candle with a burning wick.

#26 - Drink

Leriang teases him all the time about his habit of pilfering the heneral’s unfinished drinks; he retorts that maybe military brilliance rubs off on people that way and he’s not taking any chances.

#27 - Music

He’s heard her sing, of course, but he prefers the arpeggio of her laughter.

#28 – Gravity

The first time she met Gregorio del Pilar was also the first time she saw Rusca in that crisp white undershirt she liked so much, and the distinction in how the two images appealed to her was the only reason Del Pilar figured in the memory at all.

#29 - Formal

She imagines him, just the one time, in the white dress uniform Roman and Luna wear to cabinet meetings.

#30 - Eclipse

She slides up his body slowly, slowly, until the crown of her head blots out the sun completely and her lips, wet with his arousal, crash down on his.

#31 - Silk

In her hands, she thinks of him as silk wrapped around steel; in her, he thinks of her as silk enveloping velvet.

#32 - Body

They were never more aware of each other’s anatomy as that time during roll call when they belatedly realized they had accidentally exchanged uniforms.

#33 - Sacred

They are married in naught but their uniforms and flowers picked from the summer fields, bound by the two things they believed most in—duty and hope.

#34 - Forever

“Mahal kita.”

“Mahal kita.”

“Mahal kita.”

“Mahal kita.”

“Mahal kita.”

“Mahal. Kita.”

“Mahal.”

“Kita.”

#35 – Highway

It’s a long ride to Cabanatuan, and already Rusca has finished off three pieces of suman, cussed out the Spanish, led the regiment in a ribald marching song, cussed out the Americans, none too quietly declared that he loved her (no less than seven times), cussed out the Kawit brigade, and made the heneral laugh and Koronel Roman frown disapprovingly and Joven blush and Kumandante Bernal roll his eyes and Jose turn to her and ask what a nabo was.

She loves him, but dear God, can’t they just get there already—

#36 - Red

Red like the sky over Cabanatuan, red like blood, red like the traitors’ clothes.

#37 - Overwhelmed

He could say that he ran out of options, that they outnumbered him, that the wise thing to do was cooperate until he could get away from his captors (all true), but the fact was that he just didn’t know what else to do.

#38 - Silence

About the bodies of Heneral Luna and Koronel Roman, everyone had a story to tell, but as for the whereabouts of Kapitan Rusca, no one could give her an answer.

#39 - Journey

For many nights, Leriang didn’t know whether to wish he had not gone at all or that she had gone and perished with them.

#40 - Hope

Until there’s a body to bury, her hopes refuse to die.

#41 - Whisper

The younger Nable Jose girl is soft-spoken, but she might as well have been shouting the words in Leriang’s face—RUSCA’S ALIVE, RUSCA’S ALIVE, RUSCA’S ALIVE.

#42 - Lock

As the Nable Jose girl fumbles for the key, it hits her like a full chamber of bullets that this door is all that stands between them now.

#43 - Fever

In his delirious haze, this is what he lets slip: “Leriang.”

In his wildest dreams, this is what he doesn’t expect to hear: “Yes?”

#44 – Breathe

Leriang’s heart might as well have stopped beating and Rusca’s ribs are too broken for a full breath, but the moment that their hands touch again is the one where they both return to life.

#45 - Search

They shot Jose in the middle of a busy plaza, with dozens of townspeople milling about under the bright noontime sun.

Huddled close in their unassuming little hut in the middle of the night, she’s sure someone will come for them too.

#46 - Forgotten

There were five candles on the stoop when she wakes on Undas morning.

“Your brother too,” he explains.

#47 - Lies

By chance, they see Aguinaldo one last time before the country falls to America.

In the thick of the crowd they grip each other’s hand tightly, both holding the other back from putting a bullet through the president’s false heart.

#48 – Unknown

“What will you do now? He asks one evening as she carries in the last of their wares. The smell of the bread he made himself comforts him after years of being followed by the stench of death.

He knows though, that the absence of it disorients her. “I suppose we’ll find out.”

#49 - Cold

“Cold,” Rusca would tell the man who had come asking him what Pangasinan had been like decades later, remembering the hard stone floor beneath his knees and the steel shackles around his wrists as he prayed for daylight.

#50 - Memory

She urges him to do the interview. “So the whole world can remember,” she reasons. “And we can finally forget.”

[trojanjean]

questions for ao3 writers

tagged by @meimagino, thank you dsgsfa !! <3 <3 

Tagging: @kumikirin and @rayraywrites ! i don’t actually know a lot of ao3 writers SO PLEASE DO THIS AND TAG ME? <3 i’ve LOVED reading other people doing this tag and it’s so exciting to know more abt your stuff so please please if u use ao3 and wanna do this, please let me know! <3

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

my username is seaworn. i didn’t want my ao3 username to be the same as my tumblr url because my tumblr url is pretty much always associated with a certain fandom and i didn’t want that because i had a feeling that i’m going to write something for different fandoms. seaworn is a word i came across in one of nightwish’s lyrics, “sea-worn driftwood”. i just thought that was nice, and everything sea-related is really close to my heart. 

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos)

fingers crossed my obsession with you is tameable has most hits, kudos and bookmarks, but my heart’s a stereo (it beats for you so listen close) has most subscriptions (because it’s an ongoing series).

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

it’s a picture of some random boy who i think looks a lot like my favourite trainwreck boy harry and i wanted it lmao 

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

 i get really warm and giddy if someone i know comments something on my fics because it means the world to me that my friends read my shit asdgdfs. but i also get warm and giddy and excited when i get any kinds of comments!! <3 i appreciate every single comment i get and i sometimes cry when i get an email notification about a comment someone left me asfsg <3 i notice a few “regulars” that always comment of my stories when i publish something new and i LOVE them and it means the world to me that someone has subscribed to me/checks out my page to see whether i’ve published smth new. but i ALSO love people who just leave kudos bc seeing that someone has actually read my stuff? amazing. i love every single one of you so much. i go through my comments and my kudos/hits whenever i’m feeling down/insecure and they give me so much confidence and make me feel better about everything

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

oh yeah, i have plenty!! i mean, i have over 500 bookmarks and i go through them a lot to read many of my old favourites. i’m going to list a few i could remember without actually browsing through my bookmarks! :) they’re mostly drarry because i’m super into that again. also i really wanna scream about all of these but i’m just gonna link them and let them speak for themselves sdgdfsg 

Twingenuity by Caeseria. Viktuuri, explicit, 160k. summary: “Victor arrives in Hasetsu, completely unaware that Yuuri has an identical, overly affectionate, twin brother. The resulting temptation might actually kill him before he gets Yuuri to the GPF like he promised.”

Coffee, Cakes And Doorknob Snakes by Omi_Ohmy. drarry, explicit, 40k. summary: “Harry's house is trying to kill him, and only one person can help him: pity it's Draco Malfoy”

Eternally Consistent by kitsunealyc. drarry, explicit, 40k. summary: “Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter assumed they would never be anything but civil enemies, until Potter lands on Malfoy's doorstep, bleeding, covered in curses, and acting very strangely indeed.”

Reparations by Saras_Girl. drarry, explicit, 87k. summary: “Harry is about to discover that the steepest learning curve comes after Healer training, and that second chances can be found in unexpected places.”

Winter Song by proantagonist. viktuuri, explicit, 149k. summary: “The set of Yuuri’s mouth softened into a private smile as Victor squeezed his knee beneath the table. His hands were bare, free from the gloves he so often wore when they were together on the rink, and the heat of his palm burned straight through the denim of Yuuri’s jeans. He slipped his own hand beneath the table and found Victor’s. Hidden from sight, their fingers began to flirt and play. A secret conversation all their own that needed no words.

Yuuri was aware that at some point—a moment in time he couldn’t quite place—Victor had become his boyfriend.

There wasn’t a single instant when it happened. It was a slow awareness, as if Victor had silently been asking the question for months now, and Yuuri had been giving him the answer a little more with each passing day.”

i’d love to link everything i like but aSFASD!! just believe me when i say that with 500 bookmarks and having lots of writer friends in tumblr, i read a LOT of the same fics over and over and over again. the ones i mentioned just now are all longer stories i fell in love with because it took me days and maybe even weeks to read them and it’s like i’d found a whole new universe?? you can def ask me for fic recs because all i do is read fics but i found it really hard to just pick a few so i decided to pick just a few longer ones for this question!! but ask me for my favourite coffee shop aus? do it. favourit otayuri fics? ya please. fav modern au captive prince fics? you really should. 

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

i can’t see the number of my subscriptions anywhere? but i get maybe 3-10 email notifications every day about an updated work so i guess it’s a lot. i have a little over 500 bookmarks! :)) 

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

hmm, i maybe haven’t written enough to have, like, a special au i enjoy writing? but i DO think about coffee shop au’s and writing them a lot so i guess it’s that asfdsf. i just really really love coffee shops?? 

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

274 subscriptions and 704 bookmarks holy sHIT hey i love every single one of you?? 

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

i have a bunch of really, really sad and depressing headcanons i would love to write but i’m probably never gonna? like, lots of things about eating disorders and cutting and someone getting injured or cheated on, someone losing an important person or having to give up on their dreams, etc. lots of sad characters trying to be brave on their own and slowly fading away :’’)) i don’t want to write then because i haven’t come up with any good endings for those and i DON’T want to write stuff with no happy ending, so. i just really think i need to get out all kinds of crap rn and writing them would make me feel better but i think i’m too involved to actually write something worth reading? i fear that if i wrote smth i’ve headcanoned, it would end up being super immature and illogical. idk. my point it that i’m afraid to write really self-indulgent, depressing angst sadgsghdf 

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

i would love to be a little more consistent in writing. my concentration is bad and often i can’t get into the flow when i’m working on something. usually i add something to a wip every few days, then one day i write 1000 words and then continue editing sentences here and there, jumping from scene to scene, deleting smth and then adding 57 words. like...i often feel like i can’t get into the scene i’m writing and it feels like i’m watching it on the outside instead of being the writer? whenever i can focus properly i get solid, consistent, meaningful writing done, but honestly 80% of me doing anything is messing around and i have to do A LOT of damage control before everything is finished? 

this is related to what i just described but i’d also love to be able to write chronologically because i feel it makes the story and the journey more real when i’m actually working through what my characters are feeling/experiencing throughout the story? instead of writing an exciting plot thing A and an exciting plot thing number B and then later writing the boring parts inbetween. 

i have a lot of problems with plots in general - i feel it’s easier for me to write 2 k about, like, yuuri making tea in the morning, than writing 2k about someone walking to the store and buying milk. i’m better at describing moments and feelings than concrete plot points or someone dojng something? idk. 

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

popular ships. i mean, i might read rarepairs but i usually have one or two otp’s from each fandom i write about. i’d love to write about chrisabek one day though sgdfg. 

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

18 ???? what how when has this happened?? .  13 of those are yoi and the rest either drarry or johnlock. 

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

18 published works and about....25-30 unfinished things? some over 10k words, some less than 500. also but i wrote A LOT of original shit when i was like 16-18 so if i count those in the number would be about 100 probably

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

i write them down potential ideas, but i have a lot of headcanons i don’t write down because i don’t think i have the ability to write them. but most of my ideas go to google docs/notes. 

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

yeah, i actually have one wip going on with someone :) it’s unfinished but maybe we’ll finish it one day? it’s drarry and super sweet. 

16. How did you discover AO3?

i really can’t remember? i wish i could? but it probably in 2012 when i got into the sherlock fandom. 

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

i don’t think so omg, but i’m really glad people read my stuff! but i’m definitely more known in the yoi fandom than the others i’m in bc my drarry/johnlock fics get like 5 comments, max, whereas i can get 20 comments to my yuri on ice stuff! :) it’s really nice that people read my stuff fhdh 

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

omfg no but everyone who reads my stuff is an actual Angel  

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

yeah, a lot! a lot of original fiction authors & a lot of fanfiction authors! whenever i read a good text i’m like “wow, this is awesome, i wish i could write this well” and that always gives me a huge boost. the support of my friends is really encouraging and inspiring, too. 

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

the “i will be a stronger writer after i finish this piece” is REALLY good advice, because...not everything you write will be the best you’ve done and you maybe feel like your writing has some flaws or something. but you know what? even if it’s not perfect, you’re a lot more experienced writer when you’ve done it. i do the “it’s gonna be shit anyway so i’m not gonna write it” thing quite often but then i have to remind myself that every single word i write gets me closer to being better, so i plunder through. and when i get finished with something, i usually think “well, this is not my strongest work but i’m glad i did it” and!!!! that’s really it!! i took part in otayuri reverse bang this spring and god i wanted to give up so so many times and i wrote lots of plots for it because i didn’t like ANYTHING i did. but i got through it, and while i think that the two stories i did for it are the worst i’ve written, it’s still 18 000 words more than i would have written if i hadn’t participated :) be your own biggest supporter & give yourself time to practise & be super proud and happy about what you’ve achieved so far!! <3 you wrote 10 words today? THAT’S 10 WORDS MORE THAN IT WAS BEFORE. you had a huge writer’s block so instead of writing you just wrote down some plot point you wanna write later? YOU PLANNED SOMETHING. you couldn’t even plan, you just opened your computer and gave up? YOU TRIED AND RESPECTED YOUR LIMITS TODAY AND THAT’S AMAZING. 

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

i usually plan big plot points but figure everything else out as i go? planning in actually one of my weaknesses and instead of making a plan and sticking to it, i just wait for inspiration and get as much done as i can before it goes away, lol. 

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

not really :) everyone has been really sweet to me. 

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

action scenes are pretty hard? i think i’m better at writing dialogue and feelings than action or something dramatic happening. i’m working on it and i would love to get more edge to my writing! 

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

i’m finishing the last part of my heart’s a radio (it beats for you so listen close). the chapter is what i intended to write in the first place (yuri and otabek seeing each other at world’s and getting it on in a hotel room) but then i just....needed to have 14 000 words of stuff before it, apparently. 

i’m also working on a drarry fic that has been in my drafts for a long time. it’s about 8k and i think it’s going to be 10-13k, and that’s fine. it’s all about margaritas and blowjobs and being hungover, basically. it’s really fun to write lol.

and then i have this captive prince smut one shot that’s also like half-done. it’s really fluffy and sappy but still just smut. 

aaaaalso i’m trying to finish the next chapter for my viktuuri dog sitter au fic now my heart stumbles on things i don’t know ! i’ve been procrastinating because i don’t really have a plot for it planned yet. 

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

i have too many ideas in my head constantly and that makes it reaally hard to focus on finishing something before jumping onto something else. that’s why i have tons of wips and no finished works, lmao. 

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

not really. sometimes i try to push myself by setting goals, but in the end it really stresses me out because i’m usually away from home at least 9 hours every day and my work is really physical and tiring so asfsgas i really don’t have the strength to write every day. now my goal is to finish three fics before the year ends. they’re all oneshots that are maybe 80% done, so i should be able to do it. 

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

i hope so but i really don’t know?? 

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

hmm. it’se been really fun writing i am to see to it that i do not lose you series because i’ve gotten a LOT of positive feedback along the way! and i’m not done with the series - i have a chrisviktuuri smut oneshot planned in this universe, happening at the same time when yuri’s figuring out how to date™. it was the first part of the series that made me think that maybe people actually enjoy my stuff & that encouraged me to write more!

I also really liked writing a oneshot i hust posted yesterday - listen how, under the breastbone, the rhythm changes . i wrote my first yuri on ice fic about a year ago and i just really wanted to return to that moment and write smth sweet about viktor and yuuri. the story has no plot or anything, but it felt REALLY good to write bc i sort of want and need a lot of soft things right now! 

also i’m having SO MUCH FUN with the drarry fic i haven’t posted yet, omg. 

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

hmm. probably cautiously peering, absorbing, translating hey eve stop with the pretentious fic names  because it was basically my first multichapter fic and i feel like it fell apart a little? i had to write it in less than a month bc it was part of otayuri reversebang. i felt like the idea was good and that it didn’t reach its full potential? i have very mixed feelings about this fic. i haven’t been able to read it even once after i published it bc i’m so afraid of what i’ll find lmao 

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

hopefully my english is a lot better then, at least! i hope that i’ve started writing original fiction, really :) 

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

coming up with ideas!!! i don’t even use most of the ideas hat get in my head and i get lots of new ideas especially when i’m at work, out doing shopping, basically doing anything active??  but writing everything down, especially ideas you know will get 20-30k long once you start...damn. 

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

managing long stories? i haven’t written very many longer (like, over 10k?) stories and dgsgsg it’s just hard to make the plot interesting with lots of interesting cliffhangers, sad parts, etc? it’s hard to balance everything. 

and yeah writing just in general is hard because it’s at least 80% writer’s block but having ideas flood your head and making it hard to focus on real life sfsg

33. Why do you write?

to express myself, i think? i still haven’t learn how to process my more uglier emotions through writing (it would be really helpful if i could) but i’m definitely writing about the kind of things i miss and would like to have for myself - someone being really happy, having lots of quiet mornings, being loved, maybe being a trainwreck but having something to cope through it, having a special connection with someone. idk. all kinds of things.

writing is fun and actually writing down the fics you’d want to read is super duper cool. i don’t get very much done in my life otherwise, so writing gives me the feeling of accomplishment i’m not getting anywhere else. 

i’m not very good at expressing myself so writing definitely helps with that, too. 

[darthpeanut-blog1]

The evolution of Windows, from Windows 1 to Windows 10

We have been talking about the features of Windows 10 since October of last year and many of you are bored with reading articles like "5 reasons why I should not upgrade my computer to Windows 10" (according to the article's limb) . This post is thought to detoxify us from the vortex of these days since the decision, after all Frank Sinatra would say It's up to you ....

Let's go through the last 30 years of Windows, starting naturally in Windows 1 until we reach Windows 10. We started:

Although it was announced in 1983 by Bill Gates, its launch did not take place until two years later, specifically on November 20, 1985. It was popular thanks to its graphic interface based on windows that gives its name.

Among its desktop features were the management of MS-DOS files, calendar, notebook, calculator and clock.

Microsoft launches Windows 2.0 with desktop icons, expanded memory, better graphics and the ability to overlay windows, control screen layout and use keyboard shortcuts to speed up work.

It was the first Windows platform for applications as common today as Word or Excel.

On May 22, 1990 appears Windows 3.0, the first version that achieved commercial success, with several million sales in the first year. Important changes to the user interface were introduced, as well as improving the exploitation of the memory management capacity of processors.

The Program Manager and File Manager made their first appearance in this release, along with the redesigned control panel and some games like Solitaire, Hearts and Minesweeper. Who has not ever played the mythical solitaire?

Although the marketing people of Microsoft try to convince the world that NT means New Technology , the truth is is that the initials NT come from the code name that had the project when it was in the N-Ten development phase. The final project was launched on 27 July 1993.

To carry out this development from scratch, IBM partnered with Microsoft. They built a 32-byte multitasking, multi threaded, multiprocessing, multi user OS with a hybrid core and an abstraction hardware layer to facilitate cross-platform portability. GTA 6 System Requirement 

A year and a month later, on July 24, 1994, Microsoft released Windows 95. They ran an unprecedented ad campaign that included the Rolling Stones' " Start Me Up " song. The detractors of Windows did not miss the opportunity to mock indicating that the lyrics of the song said "... you make a grown man cry ...", but this did not prevent that in only 5 weeks were sold 7 million copies a record!

Windows 95 was more consumer-oriented, had a completely new user interface and features that today are very familiar, but then something revolutionary, such as the Start button, the Taskbar, the Notifications Area (remember which was the time of the modem, fax, ...), etc.

On June 25, 1998, the first version designed specifically for the consumer was born. A number of user interface enhancements are introduced through the Internet Explorer 4 Windows desktop update package. For example, the ability to minimize a window with a simple click on the toolbar icon, buttons navigation to "Forward" and "Return", etc.

With Windows 98 the recognition of scanners, mice, keyboards and levers was improved.

The last of the line of Windows 9x based on DOS, Windows Millennium Edition, considered like one of the worse versions of Windows that has existed, is released on September 14, (Although as the saying goes, someone will come that good will do to me; P)

Unlike W95 and W98 they lacked DOS real-mode support. In his favor it must be said that he had a very useful feature, namely "Restore the System" which allowed users to establish a stable configuration of the system earlier than the current one.

Just one year later, on October 25, 2001, the first consumer operating system based on NT architecture, codenamed was Whistler, went on sale with the name of XP of and XP eriencie . It turned out to be one of the most successful, in December 2013 its market share reached 500 million computers. After 12 years in the market 12 years !, in April 2014 Microsoft stopped supporting.

Windows XP introduced new features such as the use of a new user-friendly interface, the ability to use multiple user accounts at once, the ability to group similar applications in the taskbar, just to name a few.

We had never waited so long for a change of SO, more than 5 years! Microsoft would have liked to have it ready to cash in on Christmas 2006, but had to wait until January 30, 2007 to launch it worldwide. It is remembered as a system that came late, bad and drag . Key complaints focused on security functions, digital rights management, hardware requirements, and software performance and compatibility.

In its favor, we must remember the characteristics that everyone identifies, namely: the new graphic interface that allowed transparency in windows, the Flip-3D application that was activated with the key combination Win + Tab, and showing with a 3D effect the windows that were open could change from one to another. In addition, it allowed to have a preview of the open windows, by simply hovering over the buttons on the taskbar.

By the way, do you remember when in April Stack Overflow unveiled the preferences of the programmers and discovered that 2015 are still programmers who use Windows Vista and Windows XP: O? Better let's forget this last and let's continue with the review, there is little left!

Many consider Windows 7 as the OS that Windows Vista would like to have been. In fact, in its origins was conceived as a kind of update of Windows Vista, which allowed to maintain some degree of compatibility with applications and hardware. As soon as it came to market on October 22, 2009 began to eat the market share of its predecessors.

Checkout: GTA 6 Release Date 

Windows 7 stands out for offering a redesigned interface, a new taskbar, important improvements in OS performance and especially since W7 marked the debut of Windows Touch , which allows to explore the web from touch screens.

The 25 of October of 2012 made long put the controversial Windows 8. The users tear the garments ... it did not have Home button! How could they survive without it?

Its user interface was modified to make it more user friendly and easy to use with the touch screens, in addition to being able to continue using the keyboard and mouse. It is the moment of the Apps whose icons of different sizes occupy the screen, can be grouped, show notifications, ... The file explorer now leaves only a click of mouse, functions that were previously hidden and like this we could list hundreds of new features, but we know you're impatient to get to the next.

After three years of hard journey through the desert without a home button, July 29, 2015 makes its stellar appearance Windows 10. And now what?

Anyway there is a "universal rule" that has been fulfilled since Windows came out, and is that users always consider a good version and the next bad, alternating them. For example, Windows XP: Good, but Windows Vista: Bad. And if you look at the list has always been fulfilled. Now it plays good version, so ... as we told you at the beginning of this article, the decision is yours ;-)

[worldcakecakecake]

Feliciano and the King of Hearts

Chosen by the gods as the Queen of Hearts from the moment of birth, we follow Feliciano’s story as he grows into royal life, learns to rule, go against age old customs, and his relationship with his husband to be, the King of Hearts.

Chapter 1 I  Chapter 2 I Chapter 3 I Chapter 4 I Chapter 5 I Chapter 6I Chapter 7 I Chapter 8 I Chapter 9I Chapter 10 I Chapter 11I Chapter 12 I Chapter 13 I Chapter 14 I Chapter 15 I Chapter 16 I Chapter 17 I Chapter 18 I Chapter 19 I Chapter 20 I Chapter 21 I Chapter 22 I Chapter 23 I Chapter 24 I Chapter 25 I Chapter 26 I Chapter 27 I Chapter 28 I Chapter 29 I Chapter 30 I Chapter 31 I Chapter 32 I Chapter 33 I Chapter 34 I Chapter 35 I Chapter 36 I Chapter 37 I chapter 38 I Chapter 39 I Chapter 40 I Chapter 41 I Chapter 42          

                                                   Chapter 43

I’ll journey and see beyond the lines of our kingdom…

 The voice sang, with a smile, a so familiar smile.

 No sun, no rain to go against my strength…

 It continued with images of a known hero.

 But I don’t need you to go so far…

 The same marks seemed to palpitate in his mind.

 And would you want me always by your side…

 A shot, Feliciano didn’t know from what, but he could feel the boom strongly.

 I only want your arms around me…

 There was an embrace.

 I will keep it all in my heart…

 Those stars.

 If you accept to be mine, my King…

 Curls, familiar curls.

 All will join in your defend…

 huh?

 So the heavens will bless in your rest our perfect peace…

 Too sudden, too many images that he couldn’t even see properly in the blur, in the quickening, joining, blowing into his awake.

 Feliciano’s eyes widened, he took a deep gasp and suddenly he was sitting, meeting with many eyes, all as startled as he.

 “Feliciano!” Ludwig called…he was right beside him, with his hands tightly on his arms, relief and worry mixed in his eyes as he stared down to him, trying to calm him from this sudden awakening.

 “Whe-where am I?” Feliciano quickly wondered, not recognizing this room at all.

 “You’re in the Spadian castle, in your room of stay,” Arthur told, who was standing with a group at the end of the bed.

 Feliciano gazed around the blue room, encrusted with golden and silver designs like growing fauna in the walls, matching along with the rich furniture and items that decorated to its splendor. He rested on the largeness of a matching bed to the setting, with a canopy and carved symbols of the Spades kingdom.

 “Feliciano…do you remember anything that just happened?” A new strange man asked. It took a while for Feliciano to recognize him as the Jack of Spades, obvious in his wear, matching along with the descriptions of a youthful face, long black hair styled in a tail, slanted dark eyes that held so much curiosity and concern.

 “About…about the wall right?” He imagined and they all nodded.

 “Yes it’s…coming back now, I…did it right? Raised the entire wall like that?” He remembered the intensity that ran through his blood, the ultimate reach of power, how it all came so easy, only to crash down suddenly in a paining moment to his head…he suddenly remembered.

 “Oh my Aces! I-I’m so, so, so sorry for destroying the wall like that! I didn’t mean to! It just suddenly happened! I-I’ll do what I can to help fix it, stay for more weeks here if I have to!” He quickly extended his arms to take a grasp of Alfred’s hands, who had been near the bed for Feliciano to quickly show his desperation.

 “Feli, Feli, relax, the wall is doing fine! What you did only harmed it slightly. We have the funds and people to fix it no problem, besides, it’s better than having Khaos’s men destroy it completely,” Alfred assured with a gentle smile.

 “Did they all leave? We’re they all captured?” He still wondered.

 “There’s none of them left, you stopped them all, they’re either dead or in prison,” Mei told.

 “Re-really?…I-I killed them?” The thought didn’t weight easily on his head.

 “Feliciano, they’re Khaos, they were going to destroy the entire city and kill everybody in it, you don’t need to feel any kind of pity,” Lien said.

 “They deserved it,” Lei added.

 “It’s just…it’s just…” he gripped on the sheets, a lot of questions still lingering in his head.

 He got rid of those men…just like that, in a matter of swings, of throws, of great release. Then he wondered what all of that was? Was that really something he could actually do normally? A hidden part of his power that he just decided to release for the first time in that attack? It suddenly made him feel fearful of the kind of mysteries he held that he still didn’t know, of what kind of intensities he could create, of where it came from, of why he had it…then there were those sudden images in his dream…the song.

 “Feliciano, relax, you’ve done something incredible for this city,” Arthur interrupted, hoping to help with his easing.

 “Crowds are constantly formed at the front of the castle with all kinds of gifts, we’ve even brought some up here,” Alfred pointed to the pile of flowers, cards and boxes, all so neat, so kind, Feliciano was overwhelmed.

 “Alfred, Arthur and I will show our own gratitude by presenting all of you that helped with the invasion with special badges and honors. A great presentation will be done after we make our own Validity Spheres,” the Spadian Jack announced.

 “Oh, thank you so much, Ludwig, I and the rest will feel so honored,” he excited.

 “We are glad, and now that we know you have finally woken up, I must take my leave, I have to continue with other urgent business,” the jack bowed and made his way, followed by his brothers, sister and cousins, who all gave one last wave before they departed through the door.

 “How long was I asleep?” Feliciano wondered.

 “Just a day, you didn’t miss much,” Alfred let him know.

 “Our best healers dealt with your injuries while you were resting. They’ll later come to continue, you still need a couple of more days before you’re all settled. Instead of the earlier decided three days, we thought it was best you stayed in the castle for six, so you could leave well on your journey to the Club kingdom,” Arthur told.

 Feliciano gazed down to the bandages he had wrapped on him, mostly on the expanse of his shoulder and that area of his back where he had been affected by the explosion. He could finally move his arm although with some small waves of pain that wouldn’t let him turn it completely without straining more. He still felt tired, with great hunger and weakness, one that didn’t let him truly stand from his rest on the bed. Yes, he still needed more days of healing.

 “Thank you, thank you so much,” Feliciano wished them dearly, gratitude that Alfred and Arthur though was too big after the way Feliciano dealt with saving their city. They should be the ones drowning him in all kinds of thanks.

 “Only the best we can offer,” Arthur bowed.

 “We’ll leave to give you both some time to rest and talk,” Alfred decided.

 “If anything, don’t be afraid to send any of the servants to fetch us,” Arthur wished lastly before he took Alfred’s offered arm, wrapping himself sweetly around him before they headed out together.

 It was nice to see them happy like this, proud of their love and union unlike the state they had been when they visited Berlin almost a year ago. When he turned his gaze towards Ludwig, he wished the same chance would be granted to them. Feliciano brought his hands to hold his dearly, so relieved, so great to have him by his side, he could almost lean and kiss him.

 “Are you all right now?” Feliciano asked him. He remembered how he had been dealing with Khaos’s men himself, how they hurt him, cut him, even brought him to the ground about ready to crash his ribs.

 Ludwig smiled, raising the sleeve of the jacket he wore to show his own bandages with special sealed marks which helped with more healing.

 “I’m fine, my own wounds were manageable, it only took a couple of hours for the healers to deal with, unlike you, I should be the one asking you this question,” they both chuckled, their hands now united unto a mend, comforting and helpful.

 “I’m going to be fine, I’m sure,” Feliciano assured with a smile, so warm, so beautiful, it spread its own joy to Ludwig, who grinned himself, both suddenly nervous for words when all their world at the moment was sharing that glow in their eyes. That lean once again…that chance for a new kind of meet, and after everything, yes, oh yes, Feliciano wanted it, oh he was there, so close, their breaths one. He wasn’t surprised anymore about how Ludwig would turn away, erase as always, pretend like that approach didn’t happen. By now Feliciano would just roll his eyes and simply settle, leaning back into his bed, prepared for the sudden change of air and topic that was to take place.

 “Feliciano…” Ludwig began, “you were singing just now in your sleep.”

 “I was?” He thought it was just something that he heard in his head, not something that he actually mumbled out.

 “You were singing Romulus’s song, Accept to be mine, parts of it actually, and then you…sang these two lines I’ve never heard of before…”

 Did he really…?

 “What were they?” He wanted to be sure.

 “You sang… All will join in your defend, and, so the heavens will bless in your rest our perfect peace…”

 Feliciano had been questioning those parts himself as he dreamed it.

 “Did you make that up?” Ludwig wondered.

 “No…they just… appeared in my dream…kind of…out of nowhere. It was weird, I started seeing and feeling things too,” he recalled.

 “What…exactly?” Ludwig leaned more curiously, expecting to hear, a tighter hold in their hands, begging even, it was sudden to Feliciano but he had no problem with telling.

 “I really didn’t see anything to detail, everything was too blurry, but I heard…a woman singing, I saw this smile that kind of reminded me of mamma and hair just like hers too, I thought it was her for a moment but… it was still…different, and then I saw like…slashing swords, this…man…but it was too quick to really remember. I felt…agitation, I could hear explosions, I saw this…starry sky…a particular formation and then I felt like someone…hugging me, it…felt so real, so…unlikely for it to be a dream…” and he silenced as his mind really tried to fetch more about this, but nothing more was brought, he will have to deal with what he saw that moment.

 Ludwig tried to piece together in his mind, but he did not come up with a bigger clue either, he just nodded.

 Their moment was interrupted by the sudden opening of the door, a familiar little winged lion flying headfirst, cradling quickly in Feliciano’s lap excitedly.

 “Pookie!” Feliciano cried, quickly taking him to grab, cuddle and embrace, the little lion nuzzling back and somehow trying to share the same wrap by raising his paws against Feliciano.

 A group of white and blue robed figures entered as well. By their items Feliciano could tell they were the healers, who bowed to him, but not moving any closer yet.

 “I have to go, better leave them with the healing, I’ll come back once they finish,”

 “Okay.” They both nodded and had to painfully let go, Feliciano giving him one last smile before he was out the door.

 As Ludwig walked on down the halls, deciding to get something for lunch, the same new phrases repeated on his head. All will join in your defend…so the heavens will bless in your rest our perfect peace…he kept connecting it to…could it make sense? But no, there was still-

 “Hey!” He recognized Alfred’s calling, approaching him from a small room where he was sharing a snack with Arthur.

 “Got some time to talk?” He wished.

 “I believe so, Arthur won’t mind?”

 “He has to prepare a meeting with the builders about fixing the wall, he was about to kick me out anyways,” he laughed, moving them along the hall, through impressive arches, paintings, columns and even craftily paned windows helping to relax their troubling minds. They reached a private area left deserted just for them, with no one to interfere in whatever conversation they brought up, solitude with not even the hurry of servants.

 “So, Feliciano is really all right?” Alfred still worried.

 “He has some troubles with his wound, but other than that he’s completely fine.” He decided not to tell him about the dream and the new phrases to the song he sang.

 “I’m glad, would hate to see something happen to him, he’s a total sweetheart that didn’t deserve to go through this, but well…chosen by the gods as the Queen of Hearts, it’s not exactly a safe position, but what can we do?” Alfred shrugged.

 “Indeed.”

 Afterwards Ludwig silenced, his thoughts still puzzling, but Alfred didn’t know or understand and it was making the silence unsettling.

 “So um…things have changed with you and Feli,” he had wanted to point out for a while, just the topic to have Ludwig’s head rising in attention.

 “The last time we went to Berlin things seemed tense between you two, Arthur and I barely saw you together unless it was for royal business and you both seemed rather reluctant to actually be close. It was nothing like the two friends you were back when I used to visit Hearts as a kid. It was odd and worrying, and then hearing that he denied your marriage proposal…ouch.” He didn’t know if that was still something awkward to mention so he was a little hesitant to continue, but Ludwig didn’t say anything back.

 “Which reminds me, sorry we couldn’t go to the engagement party,” he apologized.

 “Don’t fret, you and Arthur were marrying and getting crowned in a couple of days, having you visit Hearts to then see a failed proposal would have just made you both more stressed. I sometimes wished I didn’t have so many guests that day, it only made the occurrence more embarrassing.” He still wanted to hide his face in shame every time he remembered it.

 “But hey, like I said, things have changed, I mean, look at how protective you guys got with each other, Feli so much that he even raised and entire damn wall. You’re holding hands and he’s even smiling at you now, I’m sure by the time you two return to Berlin you’ll be asking again and I’m certain he’ll accept this time, and then Arthur, Yao and I have to start preparing bags for the ceremony,” Alfred was already planning and ecstatic, but it didn’t seem to spread to Ludwig, if anything it made him more somber.

 “I…don’t know, to tell you the truth Alfred…I don’t even know if I’ll be returning to Berlin…”

 Alfred stopped his moving steps all completely, turning to him, confused and incredulous, thinking he was exaggerating and only doubting when they had proven themselves more than capable during this entire journey. The reports of how it had been going were wild.

 There was only the Club Kingdom left, how worst could things get?

 “You’re starting to say bullshit, Ludwig. Really, don’t think like that, you’ll both be doing fine, there’s nothing to worry about. Now come on, my cooks make this cucumber sandwich that’s to die for, you must simply have a taste,” Alfred hurried them in the direction towards the lunch area, hoping it would be enough to distract Ludwig from these sudden dark thoughts.

 It didn’t work…his mind was now plagued and a countdown seemed clearer with haunt.

  Two more days of healing and Feliciano could finally stand from the bed, his movements good and his wounds slowly vanishing. He could wear that beautiful opened blue tailcoat with the silver buttons, a comfortable shirt below, comfortable pants along with his usual boots. When he had come down from the room, meeting with Arthur, the other couldn’t help but whistle, looking up and down in heavy intrigue.

 “You’re looking handsome today,” he complimented, taking a sip from his tea as he worked on some contraption that he was asked to help fix.

 “Thanks, thought I should look appropriate handing this in,” he showed a letter.

 “Where are you going with that?”

 “To the Luna Rani academy, I made a promise to a Viking boy that saved us back in Hearts to hand in his recommendation so he can study here,”

 “A Viking boy?”

 “Mhm, but he was not a lot like the rest, he really wanted to gain a more professional education with magic, he always wanted to go here, so after saving us, I thought this was the best I could do,” Feliciano hoped, holding dearly to the letter, jumping on his heals with excitement to go out into the city, Pookie on his shoulders as a guide and protector, just as ready and eager.

 “Well then, I wish this boy luck, I’m sure he will be accepted if your story and what he handed to you is enough, I would be glad to have someone of his talent in the city.” Feliciano glided with more spirit, turning and about just ready to go…until he remembered…he didn’t know where the school was.

 “Tell Lei to accompany you, he occasionally takes some courses there so he knows all the routes from the castle,” Arthur answered sensing his question.

 “Oh, perfect, where is he?”

 “Surely by the front of the castle, there’s a patch of land they sometimes go to train. As you’re making your way you’ll easily spot him.”

 Feliciano nodded to him in thanks and quickly headed off down the halls to the exit. Of course, he would take his time with admiring the art and majesty of the interior architecture of this castle, tall, beautiful, in the expected blues and silvers, majesties that continued on through different halls that tempted him to escape. No, he had to do this, Emil was counting on him.

 He found the doors of grandeur, leading himself out into the welcome of a city that he could finally admire without the worry of an invasion. Oh the Aces it was beautiful, in define structures, artistry, with a good mend of nature that had Feliciano’s breath taken as he took the first steps into the meet of this sun. He gazed upwards, the castle towering, as high and in a form that was indeed similar to Berlin’s, only that it didn’t count on the rest of a hill but its own structure of strength, with bridges to new towers and wings, in shine of blue and silver for the sun to lay its ray and shine it the more. He began to move backwards, lost in all its details, its design, its color, that he didn’t notice that he was reaching a group of stairs.

 “Feli, I suggest you look out!” Lien had warned just in time for Feliciano to turn and spot that he was only centimeters from falling down.

 “Ah, thanks,” he called out towards her.

 She gave him a salute and continued with the training she was doing with the rest of the group he knew, as well as some other members he did not recognize, but he did recognize Lei.

 “Oh, Lei! I need your help!” He called, rushing to him and interrupting whatever exercise he was trying to do. He explained the situation and Lei had no problem with halting his training for the day to take Feliciano across the city until they reached the academy. Using trains or simply walking, Lei made sure that they took a long route just to give Feliciano a chance to see more of the city.

 Oh the buildings were wonderful, the nature added made one forget that it was divided from the forest with a wall, people making use of the day to do their chores, their activities, runs  or leisure time in the blue and green grass, with picnics and games that Feliciano was tempted to join as he passed. It was also Feliciano’s chance to see all these machines that he was constantly told about when hearing about spades, like the automobiles, the elevators, fans, streetlights and steamboats upon the rivers. Unlike what Alfred and Arthur had told him, he did see the mix of magic, of wizard apprentices studying their books, of parents using it to help them better deal with their children, bakeries adding their touches and even the cleaning of the streets and walkways. He didn’t know if it was just that Alfred and Arthur had settled the differences of the kingdom and really tried to make a change or it was just how things had always been no matter the kind of restrictions and differences that might come.

 They finally came before the building, a large structure standing quite imperially, towering pillars holding the massiveness of its marble, of its crystal dome, a square in front that matched its own grandness. Students already used the space for practice, for leisure, to run across as they made their ways, to either inside the building to reach their classes on time or just out to whatever parts of the city they needed to reach. Feliciano felt rather intimidated by it all, holding the letter much tighter, rather ignorant to all the stares he was given, all recognizing and widening their eyes in wonder. It had happened all throughout the city but Feliciano was too distracted to notice, not to mention he was with Lei, who would glare at anybody who dared come close. Feliciano was under enough stressed, he didn’t need people barging in, even if Feliciano wouldn’t mind. He loved meeting new people and any new chance was a great one, but he did need to focus on this.

 They finally entered the building, its interior matching in magnificence. Corridors, balconies, heights, even different kinds of items were exhibited in countless amounts that made every corner a site to watch, something new to see and an array of activity that seemed endless. All kinds of students passed them by, from elves to even fairies, or humans just dealing with their dragons.

 How amazing, how shinning, how could Lei just move about without faltering the slightest in wonder.

 “Feliciano!” The very person called, pointing over to a roundabout desk they were nearing, basically where they should ask to know where Feliciano was supposed to hand in these things and who he was supposed to talk to. They spoke, filled in the necessary information and the girl behind the desk went off to inform the headmaster, advising that they stayed there while she announced the visit. Lei went off to sit on near chair while Feliciano continued with his gazing, landing on models of different kinds of creatures, explaining their anatomy and power, tapestry projects, magical orbs floating as a sort of decoration, enchanted plants and finally, right above the attending desk, something so large Feliciano was surprised he hadn’t noticed before. Handing from the height of the crystal dome, there was a transparent case only holding…part of a slab. It wasn’t half, it wasn’t a big part, no, there was only but just one corner of the entire case filled with only one single piece. It was pretty exaggerated to keep something so large to only fill in one corner. What kind of image was even in there? He extended his vision to take a better look, to see on it the image of a man, only part of it actually, not really offering anything else to give him more clue at what was this man’s purpose. It certainly didn’t seem Spadian, in fact it didn’t have any familiar symbols. Whatever there was, it was ruined, covered, scratched and broken. Really there was no evidence, no story, no light.

 “Mr. Ulan will gladly see you, follow me this way please,” she returned, interrupting whatever questioning Feliciano was doing with this slab. He nodded and followed right behind her, deeper into the building, into the main stairs that lead the rising into the rest of the floors. Lei decided to stay behind, giving Feliciano a wave of luck, settling back into the chair ready for a small nap.

 Feliciano followed the secretary until they reached a good height, and instead of taking the singular hall forward, she took out a pen, let it drop, and a blue portal was opened.

 “Right this way, he’s already waiting for you,” she ushered.

 She was used to this hesitation, to this testing as Feliciano dipped a hand trying to figure it out, rolling her eyes and having no other choice than to just push him inside. Suddenly he stumbled onto a shelve and book covered room, only but part of the office in glass windows showing to a greenhouse of all kinds of blue and purple fauna, right where the desk lay, where the figure of who he assumed was the headmaster sat.

 “An honor to have the arising Queen of Hearts here,” he extended and welcomed, having a chair fly and push Feliciano onward until he was right in front, sitting in that very chair startled, Pookie as confused and trying to realize what was going on. It was surprise he had managed to keep his hold on Feliciano’s shoulder this entire time.

 “An even bigger honor after you did to save our city, I give you gratitude for everyone here in the academy, you have no idea how much we appreciate it.” He was honest and truly thankful.

 “I wouldn’t let such a beautiful and important city fall, and in the process I…learned about this power and used it to stop everything. I’m so glad it worked, but I still feel bad about all the damages I did to the wall,” Feliciano slumped with fault.

 “Sacrifices, besides, it’s still standing as we all wanted, I’m sure the crown will give it the necessary attention to have it fixed quickly, nobody is truly mourning it. But enough of this, one of my secretaries said you have some things to give and tell me,” he was eager, leaning to be given and told.

 “Ah yes of course!” He took out the envelope with everything, pushing it across the desk for Mr. Ulan to reach and grab, examining before he began to tear to look at all the contents.

 “Back when Ludwig and I were starting our journey in Hearts, some Khaos’s men ambushed our train and captured us even as we escaped. A group of…joker Vikings-” he had to admit “-saved us and offered their flight boat to take us to the shores of the Arabic provinces in the Diamond Kingdom. In the crew there was a young boy named Emil, he saw us getting captured, found our location and helped our escape from our binds and the cave they had us in. If it wasn’t for his big role in the mission and his abilities, I’m afraid right now we would be in the clutches of Khaos himself. During our stay in their ship, I learned Emil was really well adept in magic, full of wonderful tricks and knowledge that need to be in a place as amazing as this, sadly his role as a joker has impended that, but as gratitude I promised to give him a reinstitution into the Hearts registry once I return to Berlin, as well as to bring these letters and papers of application to the Academy once I reach Washington. So please, I beg you, accept this boy for what he did and what he can do, as well as a kind of gratitude for what I did to save your city, please help to give him the future he wants and I know he can achieve.”

 He truly hoped it had been enough, that Mr. Ulan could see the wanting enough in his eyes and how he couldn’t stop raising his hands together in a continuous prayer hoping for that acceptance. The man didn’t really show an exact expression to show his answer, just giving his attention to the papers, reading, giving a nod, a slight widening to his eyes but always staying stoic in his judging. He would question occasionally and Feliciano stayed there to give him all the necessary answers, a chat of dealings that went on for the hour. By the time they were done, Mr. Ulan opening up a new portal and joining the arising Queen in his outing, Feliciano still didn’t have a sure answer and he was eager, Mr. Ulan could easily tell.

 “As for my decision, I’ll tell Mr. Bondevik first, he wrote an address I could send a message to, I’m sure he will let you know afterwards,” he smiled.

 “But I won’t get any of these messages until I return to Berlin,” Feliciano disappointed.

 “A little suspense then, gives you more anticipation for when you return.”

 Feliciano sighed but had to accept, he would just have to wait then, but at least he did his part of the promise and that was enough for now. As he met with the large lobby of the academy, his eyes instantly set once again on the empty case, the one with the single piece, longing gazes in silence that Mr. Ulan couldn’t miss.

 “Is something the matter, your highness?” He questioned.

 Feliciano quickly pointed, “what is that?”

 It took a while for Mr. Ulan to find the specific object and when he did he sighed sadly, but there was no problem with telling. “You do know that the Spade kingdom holds what was once the White kingdom?”

 “Yes, it’s land to the northwest,” he remembered from his teachings.

 “Indeed. After the war of the blackened decades, everything was left to ruin, nothing was recognizable and our ancestors could find nothing to keep, simply deciding to reconstruct and create new area for living and farming. That little slab piece was one of the only things we found surviving. We believe it once belonged to a very important mural in the kingdom, located right at the gates at what was once the castle of the capital. We have some writings that say people would travel great lengths just to see it, saying that the story was the most important in all the kingdoms, but the writings that specify in that tale are lost. Here in the academy we have concocted different theories, some think it might tell the story of Pisa, some say maybe Khaos, maybe one of the Aces, maybe all of them, maybe about the very creation of our world, but we can never know since the rest of the mural has not been found,” he drowned into a fault, into a miss, into the stress of a failed mission.

 “Why keep such a big case for something so tiny though?”

 “We keep hoping that we might one day find it and connect it together. There’s always excavations being done in that territory so we keep hoping, besides, it reminds us of the still mysteries of our world and how sometimes we only have tiny parts to something that is much larger than what we understand. We can never cease our search because someday we might have a complete picture.”

 It was a good way to look at it, a good reminder to students who are always looking for new ways to use their magic, to use new spells, new inventions and new skills to fill in their own empty cases.

 Feliciano wished Mr. Ulan goodbye as well as luck and belief in their search before he left the academy and back into the fray of the city with Lei.  

[mythandritual]

"I Have at Least Five Albums Worth of Material Yet to Record!” An Interview with Mark Fosson

This interview originally appeared at North Country Primitive on 25th May 2015

We are very pleased to bring you an interview with the last guitarist John Fahey signed to Takoma records, Mark Fosson. After Takoma was sold, Mark's recordings for the label remained in his garage unheard for almost 30 years, until they were finally released in 2006 by Drag City. A further archival release, Digging in the Dust, a collection of early home recordings, was released by Tompkins Square in 2012. Fast forward to 2015, and Mark has just brought out his first ever new collection of instrumentals, kY, a paean to his home state of Kentucky, and mighty fine it is too - in our view, his best album yet. Recorded at his home in Baltimore, the album has a timeless, folk-infused quality and features Mark on banjo and dulcimer as well as an enviable collection of guitars...

Can you start off by telling us about the new album, kY? You appear to be revisiting your roots on two accounts: firstly, it has the feel of the sort of pure American Primitivism that could have been put out by Takoma any time in the 70s; secondly, the strong traditional folk themes suggest that you are literally revisiting your roots as a native Kentuckian.  I had been trying to record a whole other group of instrumentals that I had written and not getting anything I was really happy with. I was probably trying way too hard to come up with the perfect guitar album and being way too critical, which I’m prone to do. At a certain point I realized I wasn't having any fun at all and decided to step away from it for a while. So next time I went down to my studio, I pulled out my banjo instead of a guitar and started noodling around and came up with Kingdom Come. I had just purchased a Tascam DR-05, so I made a quick recording of it and was totally pleased with the way it came out. I thought, why not do a whole new album that way? So I would sit and noodle every day till I came up with an idea I liked and record it immediately, while it was still fresh. Most of the songs are first takes, but I never did more than three takes and I think the tunes have a very spontaneous feel because of it. I used the Tascam on quite a few of the songs on the record... Kingdom Come, Kentucky, Cold Dark Holler, Come Back John. All the songs are inspired by my childhood memories of growing up in Kentucky. I recorded it at Pine Box Studios -  a.k.a my basement. What have you been up to recently? It’s been eight years since Jesus on a Greyhound came out. I’m aware of the live sessions you’ve done for Folkadelphia and Irene Trudel, but I guess you’ve been keeping busy in other ways... I moved to Baltimore about six years ago and have been writing and playing every chance I get. Did a short tour with Daniel Bachman when our Tompkins Square records came out… Done quite a few gigs in Philly and New York, some with Don Bikoff, who has become a good friend. A lot of excellent young musicians out there I’ve had the chance to play with… Hope to do a lot more. Were you pleased with the response to Digging in the Dust? Were these recordings what brought you to the attention of John Fahey and Takoma in the 70s? Yes, I was very pleased with the response… it's good to have it out there after all these years! These are the tapes I originally sent to Takoma. There were also five vocal tracks on that demo which John really liked. I’m not crazy about the way my voice sounded back then… like I was 12 years old! Luckily I’ve learned to sing a little better over the years. There was a song on the demo called Grandpa Was A Thinker, which John and his wife, Melody, liked a lot. I’m pretty sure it was that one and Gorilla Mountain that got me signed. How did you link up with John Fahey and Takoma Records?  I had been listening a lot to releases on Takoma… I think I wore out a coupla copies of Kottke/Lang/Fahey. On a lark I sent the tape to them, never dreaming I’d get signed! I remember I had come home from work - I was working in a steel plant at the time - and had fallen asleep in my chair. My wife woke me up, saying, “There’s some guy named Charlie Mitchell from Takoma Records on the phone." Then when I got to California, John co-signed for a brand new Martin 12-string. I kick myself nearly every day for selling that guitar later on! As soon as I got to LA, I started opening shows for him… I think the first was McCabe’s Guitar Shop in Santa Monica, which was right next door to the Takoma office. His records sounded great, but hearing him live - and that close! - was an unbelievable experience. How did Drag City come to release The Lost Takoma Sessions 29 years after it was recorded? My cousin Tiffany Anders had started listening to Fahey and found out I had been on the label, so she asked for a copy of the recordings. They were gathering dust in the corner of the garage and I was reluctant to let her have them at first, because I figured the stuff was too old for anyone to care about. She proceeded to send it around and before long I had three or four offers from labels to put it out. I eventually decided on Drag City and I think they did an excellent job of getting it out there. What was the musical journey you took to playing solo acoustic guitar? Did you do the whole garage band thing first or were you always attracted to acoustic music? And what were your formative influences, musical or otherwise? Everyone in my family was a total music lover, so I was bombarded with good music of all styles from an early age. When I was in elementary school, Jean Ritchie would come and perform every year… that’s probably the first traditional folk music I was exposed to. I played a festival with her later on and at the after-show jam, I talked her into giving me a dulcimer lesson, which was totally cool of her. My Aunt Rachel sang and played guitar and I was always asking to play her guitar. I bugged her so much, in fact, that she gave me one of hers - a Beltone. What a beauty! That pretty much started me down the guitar road. Also my dad would buy 45s from the guy that stocked the jukeboxes in the beer joints he frequented and was always bringing home the cool, obscure music… lots of blues and extreme hillbilly stuff. Later on I became a Roger Miller fan and pretty much taught myself to play listening to his records. My grandmother was bedridden for a long time and I would go to her house and try the songs out on her. If I got her laughing I considered it a success.  Then at the age of 14, the Beatles broke and that’s when me and probably a billion other teenagers decided to become musicians. That turned into a succession of garage bands. Then in college I started getting more in to the folk music again. My buddy Dan Gore and I would spend hours at the school library listening to the old blues and Folkways records - The Harry Smith Anthology was a big favorite - and we began performing at the school’s coffeehouse every Friday night. It was run by my English teacher, Nancy McClellan, and she also organized some of the big folk festivals in the area. She may have encouraged me more than anyone to be a musician. Then when I was stationed in North Dakota in the Air Force, I began discovering the Takoma artists. I actually bought the Kottke/Lang/Fahey album because of the cool cover - I wasn’t that familiar with the artists at that point - and was blown away by it. I think the most influential album for me, though, is Peter Lang’s Thing At The Nursery Room Window. It’s still one of my top five favorite albums of all time. Which reminds me… I think Daniel Bachman forgot to give me back my Peter Lang CD!

What were you up to between the Takoma recordings and Jesus on a Greyhound? Did you keep making music during this period? Can you tell us how Jesus... came about? When the Takoma thing fell apart, I continued playing around Los Angeles, Sometimes solo, sometimes with a small group. I played with a bass and tabla player for a spell - that was a great sounding little combo. Then in the mid 80s, I started a country rock duo called Crazy Hearts with Karen Tobin. We had a song on the A Town South Of Bakersfield compilation, along with Lucinda Williams, Jim Lauderdale and Dwight Yoakam, then went to Nashville to showcase, but Karen ended up getting a solo deal on Atlantic Records and that was pretty much the end of the duo. Then I started a group called The Bum Steers with my good friends Edward Tree on electric guitar, Taras Prodaniuk on bass and Billy Block on drums. We caused quite a ruckus in Nashville: Porter Wagoner personally invited us to play the Grand Ol’ Opry, but I think we may have been a little too left-of-centre for that town. Anyway, after these two full-blown groups, I decided to get back to basics and perform solo again. Jesus On A Greyhound came about because I wanted to write an album’s worth of songs that sounded good with just voice & guitar. And although I did add some extra musicians to the record, the music is still drastically stripped down compared to what I had been doing. And totally acoustic. At the moment there seems to be a veritable swarm of young players influenced by the American Primitive sound. Do you feel any particular affinity for them? Are there any favourite players who particularly stand out for you?  When The Lost Takoma Sessions came out, were you aware of people like Jack Rose and Glenn Jones? I started to become a lot more aware of the newer guitarists when Lost Takoma came out. I did a short tour with Joanna Newsom and she turned me on to a lot of the younger players. Of course I was aware of Jack Rose and was already a Glenn Jones fan. Then, like I said earlier, I did a short tour with Daniel Bachman and was really impressed with his playing. He’s on fire… seems like he puts out a new record every two weeks. Met Nathan Bowles through Daniel and I really enjoy his banjo playing, both solo and with the Black Twig Pickers. I’ve become friends with quite a few of the new pickers: through Don Bikoff I met Matt Sowell, who introduced me to Kyle Fosburgh, who introduced me to Hayden Pedigo. I got to play a duet with Hayden on his new record Five Steps. There is certainly no shortage of excellent young musicians out there! Lots of great records being made…I’m always checking out the new stuff. You play banjo on a couple of tracks on the new album, which sounds fantastic. Are you a big fan of the instrument? Are we likely to hear more banjo excursions from you in the future? Thank you… I love playing banjo! Seems like I don’t do it as much as I would like to, but it’s getting a little more frequent all the time. I keep saying I’m going to get a really nice clawhammer and get serious with it… someday! I was at a songwriter retreat in Stanley, Idaho, a couple of weeks ago and one of the musicians had a killer clawhammer with nylon strings that sounded amazing. So what happens next? Any plans for gigs? Have you got more material up your sleeve? Well I have at least five albums worth of material yet to record, so I’ll just keep plugging along and making new records. Been getting a lot of pressure to put out a follow-up to Jesus On A Greyhound, so that’s probably the next project up. Unless things change…which they do! And of course I plan to keep gigging as long as I can.

Behind kY - Mark Fosson's Track-by-Track Guide

We asked Mark about the guitars and other instruments he used on kY. He responded by sending us a track-by-track guide to the instruments played and the tunings, as well as a little background on each of the tunes. Jimmy Leg Mule high strung Tacoma Road King [C -G - C - G - C - E] You need to visualize riding this mule as you listen. Loose Change 1995 Martin 00016GT [Standard Tuning] The ‘loose change’ refers more to the chord progression than the amount of coins in my pocket. The way it sort of gets lost at the end and falls in a hole… I meant to do that! When We Were Young 1968 Gibson B-25 12 String [A# - F - A# - F - A# - D] I wrote this one for my grandparents, Harry & Grace Steed.  Kingdom Come Deering "GoodTime" banjo [G - D - G - A# - D] Kingdom Come is a real town in Harlan County, Kentucky. Indian Summer Tacoma DM1812E3 12 String [C - F - C - F- F- C] Glenn Jones showed me this tuning and I proceeded to write about seven songs using it.  Dogwood Dulcimer was made by Robbie Long, San Geronimo, CA 1976 [A - A - A - D] I often wonder if the fellow who built this dulcimer is still alive? Simpleton 1956 Gibson LG2 [C - G - C - G - C - E] There was a fellow named John in my hometown who would stand on the corner directing traffic & waving to everyone who passed. In the old days he would have been considered the ‘village idiot” but my folks used to refer to him as the ambassador of good will.  Cold Dark Hollow 1956 Gibson LG2 [D - A - D - F - A - D] A cold dark hollow is an eerie place when the sun is about to go down… I tried to capture that feeling. Avondale Strut Tacoma DM1812E3 12 String [C - G - C- E - G - C] The part of town where the black folks lived… my romanticized idea of a regular Friday night there.  A Drink w/Stephen F 1995 Martin 00016GT [Std tuning] Legend has it that Stephen Foster drank himself to death in the North American Hotel and left this world with 38 cents in his pocket. Which brings us back to the amount of coins in my pocket… let me check… hmmm …39 cents. Bad Part Of Town Deering "Good Time" banjo [G- D - G - B - D] There’s a ‘Bad Part’ in every town… And I’ve been to a LOT of towns Kentucky 1990 Gibson J100 [D - A - D - F - A - D] I’m not sure what this one is about. Come Back John 1968 Gibson B25 12 String [ A# - F - A# - F - A# - D] This is me trying my damndest to write a John Fahey tune… inspired by Sunflower River Blues, which John taught me how to play backstage at Bob Baxter’s Guitar Workshop, 1977.

[bangtan-babe]

You’ll Be Okay

Characters: Jungkook x Reader/ Yoongi x Reader

Summary: While on a flight to Korea, you meet Jungkook. But you somehow find yourself remembering your time with Min Yoongi. It brings back emotions and leads to unexpected events taking place.

~4241 words

Genre: Angst/ Fluff

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4.  Part 5.

Anxiousness and a blanket of despair covered my body. I was moving, yet I felt completely frozen. Part of me was stuck for a while. I thought many times that it was normal to feel lost and empty. But, the hollowness within me only magnified and it began to disintegrate my soul. Until one day, I snapped and left. I abandoned whatever comfort I had and journeyed to a place that was foreign. Ironically, the emotional foreignness within my own body emulated the foreignness of this land as well.  

\.\

I wanted to go to Korea because he was there. When he left, that's where he went. For a while his departure seemed to be a phase that I thought would end. For some reason I imagined he would likely come back at any moment. So, I waited. For nearly 6 months I thought we would see each other again, but he never contacted me once. I was completely broken. Once he left, I was stuck in a painful and sorrowful world that I couldn't escape.

\.\

The day I purchased my ticket was the first time that I felt hopeful. The path that I was taking was my last opportunity to escape the confined world I was locked in.

\.\

I scurried past the bodies of people shifting towards the left and right on the narrow walkway of the plane. I murmured quietly “Excuse me” and “Oh I’m sorry.” Usually, the response was an abrasive glance or a confused expression. I’m sure no one wanted to be bothered, especially by a small, petite girl that was lost in her own world. As I walked toward my seat, which luckily was the one by the window, I shoved my backpack into the compartment above. “Come on, just go in. Jeez!” I yelled loudly as the last strap finally managed to enter into the hollow vessel. I exaggeratedly sat down on the blue covered seats, as small droplets of sweat formed on the side of my forehead. Planes weren’t my favorite. If it was up to me I would rather swim across the Pacific Ocean. Yet, the socially acceptable thing to do at this moment was to get over my fear and sit tight for 12 hours. So I put in my headphones and shut my eyes.

\.\

“Um, I think you’re in my seat,” the rough voice echoed through my music. I slowly opened my eyes and felt nauseous for a second. I maintained my composure and looked up at the tall figure.

He pointed to the seat I was sitting in. I batted my eyes in confusion.

“What do you mean your seat?”I asked. He chuckled and pulled out his ticket from the back pocket of his ripped jeans, which were tugging his thighs immensely. Simultaneously I got up and maneuvered my way past the seat. My eyes turned bloodshot when I looked at his ticket. I could feel the embarrassment building up.

“I am so sorry. I’ve just been tired and must have not paid attention. I love the window seat so I just got excited when I assumed I was gonna be sitting there. But I completely understand if you’re upset-”

The brown haired boy started chuckling more “Woah, it’s alright. You can sit there if you want. It’s fine,” he explained motioning for me to sit down. I was bewildered

“Seriously? I mean this is your seat. You can kick me out if you want, I would understand,” I replied. Which made him laugh louder.

“What’s your name?” he asked smiling, a perfect array of light beaming from his teeth.

I wasn’t sure how to react. Why was this semi, maybe, very attractive boy laughing at me? I gulped and quietly sat back down. “Y/n.. my name is Y/n,” I answered. He nodded his head in response and stood back for a second as he placed his carry-on in the same compartment as mine.

“Nice to meet you Y/n. My name is Jungkook.” he said while sitting down in the seat next to mine. I grinned awkwardly.

“So Y/n, can I ask why you’re going to Korea?” he mentioned leaning in a little bit closer.

I shifted in my seat and put on my seat belt. I wasn’t trying to diverge from the question, but I also felt uncomfortable talking about the real reason I was going. “I’m planning on meeting with an old friend,” I answered half-heartedly.

Jungkook noticed my lack of enthusiasm. “So, why don’t you seem excited about that?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I guess it’s just been a long time so I’m worried it’s gonna be awkward,” I said telling the truth this time.

He nodded his head. “Ah I understand,” he said speaking in Korean. Jungkook noticed that I was surprised and smirked. “You’re meeting your boyfriend,” he chuckled speaking this time in English.

I waved my hands back and forth. “No! Definitely not!” I replied. But he kept laughing at my stunned reaction.

“Okay..whatever you say,” he said in a sing-song voice. I rolled my eyes at his reaction and put my earbuds in again. Music was definitely needed in a time like this.

\.\

I must have fallen asleep because I never noticed that the plane took off at 6 p.m. When I finally regained my consciousness, I saw that it was already 11 p.m. I had slept for five hours! I jumped back in my seat when I looked at the clock on my screen. Jungkook was watching The Avengers 2, but pulled down his headphones when he saw me move.

“Oh! Y/n you’re awake. That’s good. I was thinking of waking you up to eat, but you looked knocked out,” he said casually. My eyes widened. I completely forgot that I had a complete stranger next to me as I slept. What if I was drooling? What if I was sleep talking? Oh no, did I say something weird? I turned my attention back to him and tried to remain calm on the outside.

I laughed awkwardly. “Yeah, flying just exhausts me,”I replied.

“Me too actually. I usually fly around a lot for work, but I still haven’t gotten used to it,” Jungkook stated. I sensed that there was compassion when he mentioned his work. I was intrigued. Mostly because traveling as a job was definitely a perk.

“Woah, what do you do?” I asked. He looked at me for a second and then stretched his legs and arms out. “Would you be able to handle the truth?” he asked seriously, coming closer to my face.

I didn’t move. “Um..I guess?” I answered, not sure of what to say. He leaned back and stuffed his hands into his sweater. “I just work with people and music,” he replied.

I scoffed. “That was the big secret?”

“No.. but for now that’s as much as I can tell you,” he answered back quickly.

I was taken back by his response. He seemed like a genuine person, yet possibly also reserved from his own insecurities. I didn’t know him. In fact, the five hours we spent together on the plane didn’t involve much interaction seeing as I was completely asleep. And, as I thought about the next 8 hours, I wasn’t sure if I would be capable of continuing talking to him. But something came over me. It was true that I didn’t know Jungkook. Yet, I realized that maybe that was a good thing. Since I didn’t know him, he wouldn't judge. Plus, even if he did, we would never see each other again.  

I let out a sigh. “I’m going to see the guy who broke my heart,” I said intensely.

\.\

His expression softened. “Oh..I see.” There was an odd silence that cut the air. Jungkook spoke up again, “I don’t want to seem rude because we don’t know each other but why are you going to meet someone who broke your heart?” he asked abruptly.

I was taken by surprise. His statement made me think about why I actually wanted to go. “It’s a long story,” I mentioned.

He chuckled and scooted closer while placing his elbow on the armrest “There's 8 hours left Y/n. We have nothing but time.”

\.\  

I wasn’t really sure what to tell Jungkook,

\.\

Who was he? Well, his name was Min Yoongi. He was an exchange student from South Korea. When I began my junior year at university, he was a senior. My school has always been fairly small compared to all the other universities in New York City, so I pretty much knew all the students in my year and the upperclassmen. I wasn’t anywhere near popular, but I was cordial with almost everyone in my grade. I greeted and conversed with my classmates pleasantly. So to my surprise, as I entered my Macroeconomics class, I was stunned when I saw his face. He didn’t dress nor look like the other guys at my school. He wore a black supreme hoodie, faded black jeans with rips along the knees, and Adidas sneakers that electrified a white color. His head was down as he swiped up and down on his phone. Yet, his face was still clearly visible. There was an aura that resonated with him. He seemed intimidating but also reserved. I tried to see if he noticed me as I walked in, but his eyes remained fixated on his phone. Yoongi was sitting at the second seat near the window. Coincidently, that happened to be my seat. But, I’m not the one to make a big deal about things like that. Especially since he was obviously new.

\.\

As it got closer to 8:30 am, more students began settling down in their seats. When I saw my friend, Abbie, I waved at her from across the room. She sat down next to me and we both started talking about our summer. From my peripheral, I saw that Yoongi hadn’t moved at all since I walked in. As the clock struck 8:30, my professor strolled in and placed her papers on the desk in the front. She stood for a second and scanned each one of us. When she got to my row, she stopped midway. “Oh, Yoongi right? Please stand up and introduce yourself,” the professor deemed. Yoongi stood up slowly, and my eyes scanned his figure. He didn’t have the typical jock figure, yet you could tell that he worked out.

He cleared his throat and turned toward the class. “Hi, um my name is Yoongi Min. I’m from South Korea and I’m going to be studying for a semester here,” he spoke. Once he finished talking he let out a smile. And for a second I thought he looked down at me. I quickly diverted my attention to the board.   

“Alright, thank you for that introduction Yoongi,” the professor stated. Professor Clark then walked over to her bag and pulled out a big stack of papers. “I’m going to be handing out the syllabus now. So please look it over and ask me any questions you have about it,” she continued saying as she gave the stack of papers to a girl sitting at the first seat. As the syllabus finally came to the last row, I noticed the extensive assignments that were due each week. I let out a sigh and looked at Abbie in desperation. Her expression showed that we were both in agreement. We were screwed. Everyone was quiet for about five minutes until Yoongi raised his hand and spoke.

“Um Professor Clark, for the final project, are you going to be picking the groups or can we choose them ourselves?” he asked quietly. It seemed as if he was curious but also reluctant to ask. The professor shook her head.

“No, the pairing will be random. What I’m planning on doing is writing everyone’s name down on a piece of paper and then picking out pairs of two from the slips. The whole point of this project is to use your individual skills with your partner's skills to create a coherent presentation,” Professor Clark explained as she walked back and forth. “Do you guys want to pick your partners today or later?” she asked the class. Unanimously everyone said today.  

So, I wrote my name down on a slip of paper and placed it in a container at the front of the class. I was praying that I would get Abbie. I’ve always had difficulty with projects when I didn’t know the group members. As the professor called out names in pairs of two, I squeezed my hands tighter. Five minutes had gone by and still my name wasn’t called. The last four people left were me, Abbie, Yoongi, and a boy sitting across the room from us. “Y/N..and...Yoongi,” Professor Clark read from the slips of papers. My heart sank to the floor. It’s not that I didn’t want to be paired with Yoongi, I was just worried that I wasn’t going to do well on the project. When she called out our names, I had expected him to turn around and acknowledge me, but he didn’t move an inch.

“What an asshole,”I thought to myself. I looked at Abbie and whispered quietly. “Do you think if I ask her to switch she would let me?”

Abbie shrugged her shoulders. “I’m not sure. She seemed pretty adamant about it being random. I guess it’s worth a shot if you ask though.” My expression softened but I was still anxious. I needed to get an A in the class. After first period was over, I packed up my stuff slowly. I wanted to make sure everyone else left before I spoke to Professor Clark.

“Professor Clark, um.. I was wondering if there was any way I could switch partners? I don’t really work well with people I don’t know and-” I started explaining before she cut me off.

“That’s the whole point of the project. I want to see how well you can communicate and collaborate with your partner,” Professor Clark explained smiling.  

“I understand, but I really need to get an A in this class. I’m applying to an internship this semester and I have to bring up my GPA. Is there any way I can work with Abbie?” I remarked sadly. I was praying deep down she would have a change of heart.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I can’t change the rules just for one student. You seem like a smart girl, I know you’ll be fine. Just try to get to know your partner at least,” she answered while putting on her jacket and walking towards the door. As I followed her out, I heard an “Oh”  escape from her mouth. I tried to see who was in her way but Professor Clark’s figure was blocking my viewpoint. “Yoongi, why don’t you and Y/N exchange emails and talk about the project,” she suggested. My eyes widened as I heard her call the figure Yoongi

“Oh no, did he hear everything?..Great now he’s gonna think I’m an asshole,”I thought to myself.

I walked past Professor Clark and extended my hand. “Hi Yoongi. My name is Y/N, nice to meet you,”I grinned awkwardly. He took out his hand from his pockets and grabbed onto mine. I was taken back at the warmth and sturdiness of his hand. My eyes traveled up to his face and I saw his expression was static. “Damn, well he’s definitely pissed,”I assumed.

Three days later I saw him going into the cafeteria on campus. I brought up my hand to wave at him, yet he completely ignored me. Instead, he shoved his hands into his pockets and put up his hoodie. Now I was pissed. I quickly ran over to him before he could make his way onto the line.

“Hey, Yoongi,” I called behind him. But he still kept walking to the buffet table. “Didn’t you hear me calling you,” I repeated as I grabbed onto his arm. His pale face turned towards me and he spoke gently. “I did,” he answered.

I scoffed loudly. “You did? YOU DID? And you thought oh let me just make her look like an idiot? Let me just be an asshole and not say anything? Do you realize it’s been four days and you haven’t responded to any of my emails about the project?” I said aggressively.

He pulled down his hoodie and turned his whole body towards me. “First, I didn’t feel like talking to anyone today. Second, it’s only been three days. And finally, I didn’t reply to your emails because the project isn’t due until the end of the semester, which is three months from now,” he explained in a forward and condescending manner.

I was stunned. Who did this dude think he was? “I..I..” I stuttered unsure of what to say even though I was fuming on the inside. “What’s so wrong about starting now? I just want to get a good grade.”

He suddenly turned the other way again.“Life’s not just about an A in one class Y/N.” Yoongi called out as he continued walking the opposite way.

\.\

“Um not to judge your taste in men or anything but he seemed like an asshole,” Jungkook mentioned as I began telling him my history with Yoongi.

I laughed at his remark. It was sort of true. Yoongi did seem like an asshole at first. But I later learned it was his way of coping with the anxiousness and stress he truly faced on the inside. He hated looking weak, so he put up a front.

“So, when did you start liking him? I mean from what you told me it seemed you wanted to beat him with a bat or something,” Jungkook stated casually as he took a sip of his drink.

I began to think about the last month of school.

\.\

It was three weeks before the end of the semester and Yoongi and I had only met once for the project. I was beginning to get anxious because I hated procrastinating. While the project wasn’t due until the end of the month, there were still so many components to focus on. I kept emailing Yoongi, but he wasn’t replying..like usual.

I decided to take some action. One of my friends, Kyle, had seen Yoongi in his residence hall so I knew where he was living. I ran over to the hall and went up to his room. I began knocking furiously at the wooden door.

“Yoongi open up! Open up!” I banged even harder. Suddenly I heard shuffling and the locks beginning to move. I was shocked when I saw a half naked Yoongi standing in front of me in only his shorts. I guess he saw my face turn red because I heard a chuckle escape from him. “Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” Yoongi said arrogantly.

Whatever attraction I felt at that moment completely vanished and anger enveloped me once again. “What the hell are you doing? I’ve been emailing you nonstop!” I yelled walking into his dorm which I noticed was a single occupancy room.

He sat down at his desk and faced me. He looked as if he had just gotten up from bed. Which he probably had judging by his messy blonde hair and naked body. I scanned him once again. “I guess you haven’t seen a guy without a shirt before huh?” he asked smirking.

I folded my arms across my chest. “Whatever..listen I came here because I wanted to come up with a schedule for our project,” I explained. “You know the one due in three weeks?”

He rolled his eyes at me. “Dude it’s just a project. Why do you care so much?” He asked.

“I don’t know DUDE I just want to pass the class. Maybe that’s why?” I remarked.

“It may not seem like a big deal to you but I like succeeding at something. It makes me feel happy when I get an A. It’s one thing that I’m good at. So sorry to be a burden to your perfect life but I’m just asking for a little help here. I mean if it’s not too much for Prince Yoongi,” I proclaimed.

Yoongi didn’t say anything. Instead he just looked at me intensely. It wasn’t a look I hadn’t seen before from him. He looked focused, but also sincere. “What?” I asked looking down. He still didn’t say anything. I wondered if I had offended him. “What are you looking at?” I repeated as I raised my voice.

“You.” He answered.

My body quickly froze and only his voice kept replaying in my head. I didn’t know what to do or how to react. So, I decided to back away from him. As I did, I bumped into the closet door which was open. “Ow!” I shrieked abruptly as I held my head in pain. Yoongi jumped up from his chair and ran to where I was. He placed his hands on my head.

“Are you okay? Are you bleeding?” He frantically asked as his fingers rummaged through my hair. At that moment his body was so close to mine, that I could feel the heat from his arms and torso.

“I’m okay, don’t worry,” I groaned as I lifted my head motioning for him to stop. He took his hands off and we both just stood there with our heads down.

“What did you mean when you said you,” I asked as my eyes were still looking at the carpet.

He let out a quick sigh. “Um I don’t know. I just got caught up in the moment I’m sorry,”Yoongi answered.

Surprisingly, I was kind of disappointed by his answer. Part of me wished he had felt something more genuine at that moment. “Oh, I see. Well, uh I think I’m just gonna go back to my room.” I muttered as I walked towards the front door. He suddenly jumped in my way.

“Do you want to stay the night?” he blurted.

Before I could react my hand was already on his face. By the time I had swiped past his cheek I was mortified at myself. “Fuck, I’m sorry. But what the hell! Yoongi I’m not gonna sleep with you!” I yelled.

He cupped his cheek and turned his back to me. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have hit you, but why the hell did you think I would sleep with you?? How was I supposed to react?” I hollered. He suddenly spoke. “Um how about just no thanks?” he stated.

I closed my eyes. “I know. I should have. I don’t usually act like this. But you’re just so uhhhh” I replied in frustration. He slowly turned his head and I saw a red mark on his cheek. I placed my hands over my mouth in disbelief.

“Shit. I am so sorry,” I repeated.  

“I’m so what?” he asked referring to what I had said previously. I looked up at him. “I don’t know. I’ve just never met a guy who acts like you. Or makes me act like this. Like a psycho.”I explained chuckling at the fact I was referring to myself as a psycho.

“You’re not a psycho,” he answered. I looked at him in shock. “Did you just forget I slapped you?”I noted. Yoongi shook his head. “Trust me, I didn’t. But sometimes I forget that I act like this. I don't realize how it makes people feel.” he said sincerely.

“Why do you have to act? Just be who you are,” I suggested.

He looked at me genuinely again. “Maybe now I have a reason to.”

/./

“Well, I give props to the guy. He sure didn’t beat around the bush. I mean I guess he probably regretted asking you to sleep with him after that slap but I admire the assertiveness,” Jungkook mentioned laughing at the story. “But I’m guessing you guys didn’t wait too long before you started dating?” he said being serious this time.

I let out a sigh. “Well. We sort of started dating the following day. He told me how he felt so we just decided to give it a shot.” I explained as I looked down. “Looking back I should have never gone to his dorm that night.”  

Jungkook saw that I was upset. “It’s okay, you don’t need to explain what happened. I know that it must be difficult.”  

I shook my head. “No I’m alright.”

We both remained quiet for a while. I tried to gather my composure, but I felt a lump forming in my throat as I thought about Yoongi.

“So..what happened? Why did you guys break up?” Jungkook finally spoke up. I looked at the seat in front of me. “I don’t know. The semester ended and he had to go back home. He said he was going to call but he never did.” I explained in a monotone manner.  I heard Jungkook shift his body towards me.

“Wait..what? So he just never called or texted you again?” he reiterated. I still looked straight ahead. “Yep.”

“You never officially broke up then?” Jungkook asked. I turned my head slightly towards him.

“Nope,” I uttered.

“Wow,” he expressed in disbelief. 

A/N: Hi! I hope you guys liked this scenario. I’m so sorry for any grammar you saw as you read. I tried to fix as many issues as I saw. But on another note, I was thinking of making this into a short series seeing as it would be way too long in one go. Let me know what you guys think about that! :D