#my jaw hurts from gnashing my teeth because when i get really excited i get the urge to tear things apart with my mouth

[edraculation]

finally got around to watching the last few episodes of the first season of TDI that i originally lost interest in after Harold got voted out and damn did i forget just how fucking excited i get about Harold. I don't know what's wrong with me but i just nearly dislocated my arm after wrecking my shit with a shitty backflip that i did the second he came on screen in the finale. i have never done a backflip before in my life. harold fuels me

[nlights37]

three stars ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

::In very convincing Matthew McConaughey Texan:: Alright alright alright, 3 stars, 3 fics to disclose little nuggets of info on...

1.  From Fixer Upper, Chapter 4 - Jon and Dany’s text exhange:

She was laughing even as she sent the text, knowing how touchy he was about this topic. Honestly, it was the whole reason she sent it.

Dany: I can’t believe we’ve been fake dating this long and you haven’t sent me a single dick pic 😖

The text bubble appeared for so long she was a little worried, but then his novel-length answer appeared. She was two lines in before she was laughing so hard she was crying and her vision blurred beyond her ability to continue reading at all.

Jon: How ABSOLUTELY DARE YOU?! Apparently I need to explain this AGAIN? If the Westerosi Security Agency is going to see my dick they can come here and do it in person like men. I’m not just gonna offer it up on a silver platter for them. Also need I remind you I am a small business owner, madam? This store is my kingdom and you ask me to besmirch it’s good name so you can see my cock at 2 pm on a Thursday? I’m disappointed in you Daenerys, I really am.

It should probably come as no surprise, given the ‘Buttslut’ text I shared awhile back, that a lot of the dialogue I write (including text messages) comes from the way my husband and I talk to each other, and in this case I based Jon’s reluctance to free the Peen digitally off my own husband’s unbreakable stance that sending dick pics means your dick is then somewhere in the cloud and idk I guess he thinks the Governtment is just chilling and collecting nudes all day.  Anyway, I really did ask him once when we were dating why he had never sent me a dick pic and he said something along the lines of Jon’s response here, and even now, years later, it still makes me laugh, so I used it :)

2.  A Thin Line (Just some thoughts on this fic in general, that I’m not sure I’ve shared):

I was SURE, ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN that a lot of people would hate this fic.  Like, I was over the top about ‘Hey this is crack’, etc, because as much fun as I had making them just awful people to each other, I was like ‘ugh there’s gonna be some stans in both camps that maybe get pissed about this’, but I figured fuck it, let’s do it.  The thing about them in this fic that I really, really enjoyed writing was that they are completely and totally unapologetic about themselves, and letting myself just really let them be the worst versions of themselves, I don’t know, guys.  It felt good.  So good that I was like ‘hmmmm, maybe keep it in the drafts.’

Because that’s the thing I like best about them and this fic - it’s not a redemption story about two tortured souls who find each other and then learn the error of their ways.  It’s more like two villains meet at villain convention and will they birth the antichrist?  Who knows, really, but probably, yes.  Definitely.

Anyway, I really dug that so many people enjoyed their unspeakably assholish tendencies and please know I haven’t abandoned my part 3, in which Dany gets to snob it up in the North and you know, so more light bondage, maybe some matching prenups, I don’t want to give it all away.

3.  From Fang and Claw, Chapter 1:

“When you say fucking,” Drogon drawled, “what exactly do you mean, snack?”  The three were all gathered near the stone walls of the Keep, guards watching anxiously as the three creatures of legend circled and paced.

“Stop calling him that.”  Rhaegal leaned in, nipping at Drogon’s swishing black tail.  “He has a name.”

Drogon rolled his eyes, looking at his brother incredulously.  “I’ll call him whatever I like.  What’s he going to do?  Howl me to death?”

Rhaegal glared, inching closer to Ghost.  “He’s magic, like us, and he’s Jon’s, so you’d better behave.”  The green dragon growled.  “You know what mother said.”

The black dragon gave a dismissive snort, his eyes searching the windows of the Keep instead of Rhaegal or Ghost.  “Be nice.  Yes, I heard her.  This is me.  Being nice.  Not eating this talking little snack.”  His eyes shot to the wolf’s.  “Rather nice of me, isn’t it,” teeth gnashed together, grinding as Drogon uttered grudgingly, “Ghost.”

The white wolf ignored the black dragon, his eyes also falling to the windows.  “You want to know what fucking is or don’t you?”

“I want to know what it is you mean when you say Jon is fucking my mother, yes.”  Drogon sounded angry, offended even, and Ghost was surprised two mighty creatures could be so absolutely innocent to the ways of the world.  Why, he’d been fucking for years now.  Surely there were girl dragons flying about somewhere, though the lack of fucking certainly explained the black dragon’s horrible attitude.

“I feel itchy.”  Rhaegal was shifting restlessly beside him.

Ghost gave a wolfish grin.  “You’re bonded to Jon now.”  Rhaegal nodded though it was not a question.  “That’s what it feels like when Jon’s fucking your mother.”  The wolf’s mouth fell open, and he panted in Drogon’s direction.  “Like an itch you need to scratch.”

His red eyes fell to the windows till he found the one he wanted, and he whispered for the duo to follow as closely as they could as they slid along side the ancient stone, ‘til they were just under the window to Jon’s chambers.

“Hear that?”  He certainly could, and by the look of confusion on the dragons’ faces they could as well.  The Silver Dany let out a throaty yell then, followed by Jon’s name, the sounds and smells of mating flowing from the open window and out into the night.

“Is he hurting her?”  Drogon was rumbling and thrashing his tail about, rage building in those mad eyes.

But Rhaegal responded before Ghost could answer.  “No.”  He drew the word out, his head rising until he could look into the room for himself, then shooting back down to stare at Ghost.  “Why are they doing that?”

Drogon mirrored his brother’s actions, even angrier but endlessly puzzled when he lowered his head as well, clearly befuddled by what he’d seen.  “Explain this!”

Ghost gave a shrug, padding off a few paces, ready to give his brother a spot of privacy with his mate, heading for the clearing along the tree line where he could scent some rabbits running.  “It’s what they do.”  The pair was scrambling after him, landbound, awkwardly lumbering after the sleek wolf.  “Humans.”  Both dragons remained clueless, and Ghost snagged a hare and crunched down heavily, warm blood streaking his fur, downing the small prey in a few bites before continuing.  “When they want to make a pup.”

Drogon shuddered as he watched Ghost eat.  “You’re a fucking savage.”  He grumbled and groused, claws swiping out to catch an elk, idly shooting out gouts of flame to cook the meat before he began to tear it apart.  “You don’t even cook your food, little snack.”

Rhaegal ignored it all, focused only on this new knowledge.  “But our mother is a dragon.”  His eyes lit up, suddenly, turning to his brother in excitement.  “It’s how they make eggs!”

Ghost gave a snicker.  “Humans don’t lay eggs.”  He looked at the pair with amused eyes.  “You lot come from eggs?”

Rhaegal gave a nod, but Drogon preened, proud as he broke his meal’s rib cage between his jaws.  “You should be so lucky.  We certainly do.  Beautiful eggs people pay large sums of gold for.”

Ghost crouched, his attention on the deer he could now sense beyond the tree line.  “Like a chicken then.”  He leapt as the black dragon roared in outrage, his jaws sinking into the deer’s neck, and he pulled the twitching body out of the treeline to drop it in a heap before Rhaegal.

“NOT LIKE A CHICKEN!”

Rhaegal looked at Ghost pleadingly before he cooked the deer his host had provided, his eyes begging the wolf to stop baiting his brother, and Ghost grumpily complied.

“Alright, not like a chicken.  Point is, humans have pups that look like them, and they don’t come from eggs.”  He sat on his haunches, watching the pair as they ate.

“So,” Rhaegal snapped into a femur, “you meant to say that’s what Jon’s doing.  Trying to put a small human in our mother.”

The wolf couldn’t stop the snicker of amusement.  “Oh, no he’s already done that.”  He looked at the pair wonderingly.  What sort of beast were they, that they couldn’t smell the pup in their mother?  “Now he’s just fucking her because it feels good.”

There is nothing funnier to me than the idea that (1) Ghost would ever try ot explain to anyone what sex is and (2) that the dragons wouldn’t know and would be VERY offended and it took a little bit for me to write this scene way way back ago when we all thought that Season 8 would not be a massive shitstain in history because I kept laughing so hard picturing this shit.

This story is probaby one of my favorites, just because it’s silly and every magical creature is TIRED TIRED I SAY of everyone dicking around and just the notion that they’re all like ‘THESE HUMANS ARE SO DUMB UGH DO WE HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING?!”  It just really tickled me, and I might never have written it had the amazing @aweseeds not requested it after her winning bid for the Jonerys Unites charity event.  So, everyone say thank you to aweseeds lol, this might’ve just stayed in my head and silly tumblr posts without that fine investment in fandom content.

Thank you lovely @frostbitepandaaaaa for the ask!  I LOVE YOU BITCH, I AIN’T NEVER GONNA STOP LOVIN’ YOU BITCH!

[mor-beck-more-problems]

A Brainful Process || Morgan &Rio

@3starsquinn

Cemetery field trip!

(Contains: zombie and animal gore)

Cemeteries were safer to visit in Morgan’s idle house than the woods. In cemeteries, most of the company was resting six feet under, and those that weren’t had a tendency to wave at Morgan as she walked by, content to leave her alone, one still soul to another. Some even warned her when it was better to turn back home. There’s a girl with the stake that comes by around now, a ghost might say. Or, we don’t like you that much. Cemeteries were safer, yes, and yet somehow tonight Morgan still found herself tackled to the ground, wrestling with a one legged zombie who, for all her wild hunger, really knew how to use her strength to her advantage. “Uh--a little help, maybe?” She called, appealing to one of the spirits nearby. “I don’t know what you expect me to do about it,” the old man said, and drifted off to watch her struggle somewhere else. “Okay, okay, ok--ow!” The zombie woman bit into her shoulder, moaning with hunger. Morgan kicked, trying to knock her off balance enough to shift the weight between them like Mina had taught her, but it was a lot harder when the opponent didn’t have much of a mind for sensing pain. Morgan set her jaw and lashed out to struggle with the zombie woman again. “We got this,” she grunted. “You’re gonna be fine, you just gotta stop trying to eat me!”

Cemeteries had scared Orion far before he knew ghosts and spirits existed. He supposed he always knew they were real. Growing up learning about werewolves and Fae made pretty much anything believable. If his parents had bothered telling him about Santa, Rio might still think he was real. But he had always thought of ghosts in the more creepypasta YouTube sense. That they haunted others. They were crazy stories that made things colder and flipped on lights. Not the kind that possessed other humans and drained their life force. But ever since Rio had learned about the Dybbuks and other evil spirits, Rio hadn’t been able to get them off his mind. Rio began pulling books about ghosts and spirits. The more he read, the more intrigued he became with some of the accounts of sightings. Winston and Ricky must have really gotten to Rio. Without even realizing it, on his way home that night he was taking a detour and heading towards the cemetery. For no other reason than pure stupidity, if Rio had to guess. Once he was within range however, he started hearing voices. The hairs on his arms stood straight up and he immediately began shaking. At least, until he realized that the voices weren’t ghosts or spirits but a person. A person that sounded like they were in danger. Rio picked up his pace, beginning to job before breaking into a sprint towards the cemetery, stopping only when he finally spotted the source of the voice, a woman being attacked by another. “Hey!” Rio yelled, trying to sound more dangerous than he actually was, “Let her go!” Rio began moving towards the two slowly, freezing when he finally realized who the victim of the evening was, “Professor?”

The sound of another voice made Morgan’s dead body go stiff. Fuck. The last thing she needed was human company, or some hunter about to stumble upon a two-for-one deal. “W-we’re fine!” She grunted, finally grappling the zombie woman to the ground and pinning her down. “She’s--she’s just---uh--” Morgan struggled for a good lie. The woman was in literal pieces, her skin sagging off her bones and pockets of bare muscle spreading bursts of dark, grotesque color. And the person was coming closer. “Having an attack! Nothing to see here--Rio?”

Morgan saw him through the edge of her vision and didn’t know whether to be relieved or agitated. She hadn’t told Rio the ‘sudden loss in her family’ that explained away two weeks worth of missed classes had been her own. She hadn’t told any of her students. Funny enough, that still wasn’t a conversation she felt like having. But there wasn’t going to be any fooling him. He was too much of a supernatural scholar to not see the obvious, at least when it came to the woman thrashing and groaning under her. “Hey!” She said brightly, panic tight in her smile. “How weird and amazing to run into you here! I’m fine, she’s fine, we’re both fine right now, completely. But you should really stay back and um, maybe grab some rope? And some fresh brains?” She was convinced, maybe falsely, that she had enough confidence to sell everything she was saying without the need for questions. Then the zombie woman rocked against her weight and threw her off, driven by the pull of fresh meat.

For a long moment, Orion just stood from a distance and stared at Morgan and the woman clawing at her. This didn’t make any sense. Why was Morgan being so casual right now? Was this some sort of fever dream brought on by the lack of sleep? “Uh” Rio hummed, drawing it out for far longer than any of them needed. “Both fine. Right.” He realized, maybe many beats too late, that he had still not moved from his spot. Until now, he had stared at the sight as if it was a horror scene in a movie. “Brains?” Rio asked, touching at his head instinctively before realizing that Morgan probably had a rope and brains here. Because this was a zombie. A zombie. A ZOMBIE? It took this long for the fear to finally rush into Rio’s body and he immediately started fidgeting, the usual skin crawling feeling worming its way through his body. “Oh my god. A zombie! I’ve never met a zombie! I’m going to do something now.” Rio spoke aloud, as if that was going to finally motivate his body to follow the commands. Apparently it worked, his feet finally inching across the grass and towards the two. “What do you want me to do with these things once I have them?”

Morgan’s thin smile fractured with dismay. As much as she was relieved Rio wasn’t some guns a blazing hunter trying to get more goo for their collection. But she didn’t know if this was really the time for scholarly curiosity either. Maybe more like run and take action time. Move faster NOW time. Morgan dove for the zombie again, tackling her to the ground and pressing down with all her weight. She looked up at Rio, pleading for his help. She could keep the zombie pinned down for now, but she wouldn’t be able to help the dead woman with just her hands alone. And, shit--of course Rio wouldn’t have anything on him. He wasn’t Kaden, for crying out loud. Morgan looked around them, mind racing to keep up, to stay ahead of any panic. Maybe this was the time for scholarly curiosity. “The plan!” She said, forcing as much confidence into her bright voice as possible. “The plan is you...find something that will do instead of rope. Um...your belt! And uuh…” She looked around her with dismay. “My belt!” It was a lot daintier, meant for her small waist as decoration rather than supporting any weight. “And we are going to bind the zombie as tightly as we can. Because, fun fact: zombies have a much higher pain threshold than humans! Whatever would hurt for you won’t hurt for them, so that’s not something to worry about when they’re...like this.” She swallowed thickly and forced another smile as the zombie rocked and struggled under her. “When her limbes are secure, we’ll get her some of the food from my bag--” what was supposed to have been her lunch, “--and give her some of that. And then...more, probaby. From...somewhere else. I’m not...actually sure from where yet, but--fun zombie fact 2: decomposition and ‘rabid’ behavior is a symptom of starvation and not, necessarily, the zombie’s natural state! With sustainable access to food, your average zombie isn’t much different than a human, by outward appearances anyway.” Now if they could work on this together without Rio wondering too hard about how she knew all this, it might actually be easy. Or at least, not hard.

Okay, obviously it was clear that Morgan was preoccupied right now. Trying to hold back the woman- er uh the zombie from munching on either of them. Ignoring the swelling excitement as well as the far more palpable fear that was building inside of him, Orion tried to put aside any jitters and listen to Morgan’s instructions. He was lucky he had worn jeans today instead of the usual joggers or track pants, and that he was embarrassingly skinny for his age and height, so any pair of jeans that he wore usually required a belt. He pulled the belt free, hooking his pinky around a belt loop to avoid his jeans dropping. God, that would be embarrassing. “Okay uh- my belt is good. And your belt is uh- still attached to you.” Rio called, still standing a few feet back. He was not incredibly comfortable with the idea of undoing his teacher’s belt, but he supposed there were… strange circumstances.

“This is great!” Rio tried remaining positive, his voice cracking at the end of his sentence. Although Rio greatly appreciated the information on Zombies, a species he had not done much study on. He was familiar with a couple of culture’s depiction of zombies in their own lore, but from what Morgan was describing, they differed quite a bit. “I am very happy to help and I am totally going to keep my cool during this time.” Rio said aloud, probably trying to convince himself more than he was trying to convince Morgan. He slowly inched towards them, holding his arms out with his belt gripped tightly in both hands. “Do uh- you want me to do this? Or you? Is the whole thing about a zombie bite still true?”

Jeepers, this was going to be tricky. The zombie woman was beginning to thrash, dragging her and Morgan across the ground inch by inch. The closer Rio got, the more she wriggled her head, gnashing her rotting teeth. Morgan shifted position, pressing her knee down into the woman’s back. This was really not very seemly, but she couldn’t think of another way that would keep the zombie from hurting anyone long enough to feed properly. “We got this, we got this,” she murmured, still racing for ideas. “We got this!” She declared. “You are doing a great job, Rio! Just grab her legs and I’ll get the arms, and we’ll bind them up together. No worries!” She grabbed one of the zombie’s arms, then the other, wrestling against the woman’s frustration. “But, uh, yeah, about the bite. Fun fact, that’s--fuck!” The zombie woman’s teeth bit into her hand, grazing the cuff she used to hide her real scar. Morgan finished wrangling the arms with a grimace and whipped off her belt to fasten her arms together so the wrists would come more easily. “The bite thing is real,” she said, looking down at the wound in her hand. “But don’t freak out, Rio, okay? It doesn’t matter if she bites me, it’s you I’m worried about. Uh, get her wrists and ankles together?”

Orion could do this. He could totally do this. He did not love the idea of grabbing onto this woman, zombie or no. But Morgan seemed convinced that she would not feel the pain and that they were not going to harm her. That was what Rio wanted right? What was some tying and gagging if it meant helping her and others not get hurt? That was totally something that Rio could get behind. Grabbing onto her legs was surprisingly easy. Hunter strength and all made wrangling the woman’s legs surprisingly easy. At least, until the zombie bit Morgan. Rio dropped the legs immediately and began screaming his head off. At that moment, he wasn’t sure what was happening. Would Morgan turn into a zombie? How fast was the process? Was there something he could do to stop it? Rio had seen some zombie shows. How they amputated the body part that had been bitten to stop the spread. Even the idea made Rio light headed. He definitely couldn’t do that. Finally, Rio contained himself again, grappling the legs again and holding them. What the heck did Morgan mean that she wasn’t worried about herself? Was she immune to the bite somehow? “I- I don’t- uhhhhh” Rio’s brain broke for a moment, but he forced himself out of the slump. Grabbing onto the woman’s wrists and easily pulling them back to meet the ankles and wrapping his belt around them. “Oh god- Oh god. I hate this. I’m really bad at this. I think I’m going to puke. Are you okay???”

“Rio! You cannot puke on this woman!” Morgan shrieked. Oh dear. This wasn’t calm. This was the opposite of calm. Could she breathe? Was that ever going to work again? She missed the time when all she had to do was tell herself to breathe and her body would start to right itself back into something right and normal. But the quiet was too great and there was too much happening at once. “I’m fine! I’m not even bleeding!” Mostly because she didn’t have any circulation. “Just--just hold her steady and don’t turn into a zombie!” She scrambled over to her bag and prised open a tupperware full of brains, a blend, as it happened, but even a smidgen of person in there probably wasn’t going to get this woman back to normal. They’d have to take her somewhere better, or get better to her. Morgan stuck the tupperware under the woman’s nose and watched, grimacing, as she moaned and wrangled herself closer to fit as much of it in her mouth as possible. Morgan sat back and deflated. That would keep her busy for, what, five minutes? “I’m sorry,” she said. “I am fine though. I’m…” Morgan shook her head and sid off the cuff, showing Rio her old scar, a perfect oval in the shape of Remmy’s mouth. “I’m already bitten and dead, Rio. Say, you didn’t happen to bring a car here, did you?”

“I’m not going to puke on her!” Orion yelled back, unsure why he was even still yelling. Stress. He totally blamed stress. He needed to calm down. Take a chill pill or something. That was all thrown out the window when Morgan tried to reassure him by letting him know that she wasn’t bleeding. “How are you not bleeding?” Rio was right back to freaking out now. But Morgan seemed more together than Rio was. She was in the right state of mind to fish out something from her bag and give it to the tied up woman. “Is that… brains?” Rio asked, the most calm he had been since showing up here. He examined the mush curiously. Everything seemingly clicked into place when Morgan showed off what looked like an old, already healed scar. She was dead? “You’re… a zombie?” Rio muttered aloud, needing to hear the words to actually begin processing it. A moment of fear passed through him as he considered that Rio had just willingly walked into being part of their midnight snack. But he pushed the thought away quickly. That couldn’t be. This was his professor. They had talked about books and the supernatural together. “Woah. You’re nothing like the old Haitian story of zombies.” His head tilted curiously as he examined his teacher to try to pick out any defining details. By all accounts, she looked human to him. “Hmm… interesting.” Rio nodded, and then grimaced at the next question, “About that… I don’t really have a car right now. It belongs to my parents and I’m not really talking to them right now and- y’know what? It’s a whole thing. Clearly we have other things going on right now. Maybe I can call my friend Blanche. Or one of my roommates! Maybe they can help us? Or uh… Where are we taking her anyways?”

“Wow, kid, that’s really one heck of a compliment,” Morgan deadpanned. “But...yes. I got hurt really bad and I died. Two months ago now. That’s why I missed so much school towards the end of the semester. I died, Rio.” She looked down at the woman gnashing her teeth at the brain bits in the tupperware. “But I have people who help take care of me. I can stay fed easily. I have a home. I have a girlfriend that loves me. I even have magic pills for my new zombie physiology that help manage all the depression I’ve got over dying. I don’t know which of those this woman is missing, but whatever it is, she’s still a person. She’s as much of a person as I am. Does that make sense?” She looked at him earnestly. Rio was a good kid. Rio didn’t believe in hurting people. He had to get it. Maybe it was hard to see the woman in her own right. Even Morgan couldn’t do that. She didn’t know her name or if she was happy before she died or how long she had been dragging herself out of bed. She could only see her pain. She had to be in so much pain to have sunk this far. The days of starving had to have been excruciating. With this kind of decay, maybe it was even weeks. “I was thinking of getting her to the butcher’s, but I don’t know if their stock will be enough for her. It’s worth a shot, if we can keep her from getting noticed. “Unless you wanna do a run? You got venmo, Rio?” She asked. The brains were almost gone, and of the two of them, Rio was the one most in danger. And this wasn’t his problem, now that she was mostly subdued. “You don’t have to, you know. I can take this from here.”

Okay, so maybe that wasn’t the best thing to say at this moment. Clearly, Orion had no idea what he was doing. He had grown up knowing about the supernatural. He loved learning about them and yet despite this he still had just barely scratched the surface. He knew nothing about Zombies, or real zombies at least. “Wow. I’m uh- sorry? That doesn’t sound like a good thing. But you don’t look dead.” Rio tried, he didn’t think that helped redeem him. “Okay that was probably a bad thing to say too. But despite all that… I’m really glad that you have a good support system, y’know? That must have been a really difficult thing to go through and… well I’m really glad things seem okay now. At least, hopefully everything’s okay.” And Morgan seemed dead set on helping this woman right now. And though the woman tied up seemed a little… murdery right now, Rio believed that with some help she could end up like Morgan seemed now. Completely put together. “I believe you. And I’m in. Let’s help her. Uh- I can run somewhere and get stuff… I don’t know what to get. But tell me and I’ll figure something out.”

“Well, you can tell that to my necrosis whenever I wait too long to eat my wheaties.” Morgan mumbled. You can test my pulse too, if you want.” She held out her hand, the bite standing out as a heavy shadow on her pale skin. “And no, you don’t need to be sorry--” But Rio was. He was just a kid doing his best with problems way bigger than himself. “But thank you. I know you mean it well.” She stared at the woman writhing in front of them again. She could see, too clearly now, what hunters did. A raving thing, a disaster they needed to triage before it got out of hand, a monster… “I can venmo you. A hundred dollars so should be able to buy out the brains at the butcher shop, whatever other weird organs they’ve got. That’s a start.” And while he was out she could maybe scrounge up a deer. They wandered through near dusk in little clusters, and it was the time of year when fauns were left to hide in the tall grass while mothers hunted. If she was quick and lucky, she’d be able to nab one for this woman to have. And maybe then, maybe if they were lucky, she could be okay. Morgan wrenched a hand through her hair and took out her phone to send the money over.

Orion laughed, happy that despite the horrible events that had clearly befallen his teacher without him even knowing about it, she could maintain some level of humor. “Don’t worry. I believe you. It’s uh- definitely not my first rodeo with the supernatural.” Even if he didn’t quite understand, he did believe. “Um right. I got it. Give me…” Rio paused, checking his phone for the time, “Twenty minutes. I’ll be back as soon as possible.”

One of the good things about being a hunter? Superhuman endurance. Rio was definitely not in shape, but he could run for a while without having to stop. From here, he was pretty sure that it would be more efficient to get a car. If he could run home and borrow Ricky’s truck then he could get to the butcher shop and back without too much trouble. So he ran towards their house as fast as he possibly could, not letting anything distract him.

It worried Morgan how much animals still trusted her. The faun was too scared of the moaning woman six yards ahead to move. Morgan was able to settle down near it, still as death, and when it came over to sniff her out of curiosity, she took its neck and snapped it. The head dangled limp from the body like a toy that had lost all its stuffing. She carried it back to the woman and did not have to wait for her to wriggle and strain against her bonds trying to eat it. Morgan took out a knife and sliced the creature open neatly so she didn’t have to fight. Then she walked away enough yards so the smell of it wouldn’t compel her to steal a starving woman’s meal and licked blood and skin from her hands.

When Rio finally returned, Morgan was perched atop a large cross marker, stained with blood for all that she’d tried to keep herself clean. “Just unwrap everything for her and drop it where she can reach,” she called. “And then, you know, come over here so you don’t get bitten.”

Buying brains from a butcher was perhaps the most uncomfortable Orion had ever been. Despite this incredibly odd request, the butcher didn’t seem to think much of it at all. Which could only mean that this was not an uncommon request that he received. Which probably implied that Morgan and this woman were not the only zombies in town. It hadn’t occurred until now that Morgan could have been the one that turned this woman. But no. His Professor wouldn’t do that. Not unless she had to for some reason. Right?

Rio drove back to Morgan mostly in silence. He hated driving the truck. He didn’t trust himself with a big car. Plus he could barely see while driving the thing and hated ruining Ricky’s seat and mirror placement. But desperate times. Rio parked and hopped out, extending his arm so he could hold the brains at a distance from himself. “I’m here!” Rio yelled out, stopping when he noticed that Morgan had blood all over her shirt. Oh no. “What happened? Are you okay?” Rio asked. Despite this, maybe because he was too trusting just as Athena had always insulted him with, he followed Morgan’s instructions. Unwrapping the brains and tossing it to the tied up woman before hopping away and standing close to his professor. He could smell the blood that stained her. It was fresh.

“It’s okay, Rio,” Morgan said. “What do you think I’m gonna do, die again?” She smirked. A beat later, maybe too late, she wondered if that was maybe a bad joke. Rio knew about the supernatural, but maybe not about death. He hadn’t studied zombies before in his big secret library. He barely seemed comfortable with hauling brains and organs over from the butcher. Morgan sighed with a grimace and tried again. “I killed a faun for her. I didn’t think that was something you needed to be around to see. Brains sustain zombies best, but freshly dead meat is…” Her stomach grumbled, twisting. “Like candy on Halloween. You can’t not have any.” She looked down at him, still clinging to her perch. Her fingers had worn notches into the rock, worrying at the grain to keep from breaking off Bambi’s leg and going to town herself. “It’s just how we’re made,” she said quietly. “When the mother comes back to see if her faun is still around, I’ll try to get her too, if our friend isn’t back to herself yet.” She hesitated a moment, wondering if they had crossed into over sharing territory, if this was already too much for one troubled kid to bear in one night. “You don’t have to watch, or be around for any of that,” she said. “This is just another Tuesday for me, but it was a lot to get used to. It still is. You’ve been a big help, though. If all this turns out okay, it’s gonna be because of you. Because you cared.” She cleared her throat awkwardly. “You uh...you can ask me questions, if you have any. I know all this is...strange. And lived experience can tell you certain things a book can’t.” She offered him a smile, her fear weighing on her softness. Please don’t think less of me for this.

Orion laughed nervously. Was that Morgan being offended? Or Morgan making a joke. A few seconds later and Morgan smirked at Rio, hopefully confirming that it had been a joke instead. “A faun.” Rio repeated, mostly to himself. He was still processing. Rio appreciated the information. He was taking mental notes, making sure to remember all of the information that he was learning about zombies. Maybe he would head back to the building tomorrow, start digging through his books for some information on the undead. The whole thing seemed like Alain’s side, but Rio knew better than to trust a hunter’s point of view when it came to the supernatural. Rio knew from personal experience that those teachings were biased. “I don’t- I usually don’t do that well around blood. But uh- I don’t want to make you do this stuff by yourself.” Morgan opened the board for questions. And boy, did Rio have questions. Way more questions than he possibly knew how to order and ask. “I- I have questions. But right now seems like the wrong time, y’know? With her… in the state she is in.” He sighed. Just another person in this town that has been through some awful experience that Rio wasn’t able to help prevent.

Morgan nodded and watched the woman eat. It might’ve been faster to let her have her hands back, but Morgan remembered the complete haze around her mind when she woke into her feeding frenzy. She hadn’t even known her own name, much less ‘eating people bad.’ If the wrong person had been in the room, she probably would’ve done everything she could to tear them to bits. “Anyone tell you lately what a good kid you are?” She asked. It was a rhetorical question, but she hoped nonetheless that someone was encouraging his generosity. Even if he could probably stand to get less squeamish. In time, the groans of the woman changed. Morgan gestured for Rio to stay back and made her way slowly over.

There was hardly anything left of the faun, but just enough that Morgan couldn’t stop herself from reaching into its ruined skull and scooping out its small black eyes and the thin tissue of its cheek muscle to munch on. She knelt down near the woman, still working the flesh in her mouth. “Hey,” she said, gently as she could with her mouth half full. “Can you talk? Are you good now?” The woman groaned and dashed herself into the red stained grass, angling her mouth for the rest of the faun. “Okay! Not feeling the impulse control. That’s okay! But I’m gonna need like...one intelligible word before you get this carcass.”

“Mmmhh. Aaarr...oh..k-kay.”

Blessed universe she was okay.

Morgan went around and loosened her bonds enough for her to wriggle free and stepped back as she held the faun and the scraps of flesh she hadn’t devoured yet as if they were all the treasure in the world. “You...shouldn’t...have done this,” she panted.

“I don’t see why not, Morgan replied. “What’s your name?”

The woman sucked the last remnants of life from the faun’s ribs and reached for a scattering of brain bits to shove into her mouth. “Ashley,” she said at last. “I didn’t--” She paused to swallow. As she wiped the mess from her chin she caught sight of the blood and mess on her hands, matching Morgan’s and then some.  “I didn’t ask for any of this,” she said through gritted teeth. “Not any of this, you idiots.” And then she was sprinting downhill, stumbling and falling over her own feet but never stopping, the dead animal still tucked in her arms. Morgan reached for her, but caught only the edge of her torn hiking vest. It fell right off, like it had been waiting to all along.

“It hurts sometimes, being like this, Rio,” she said, hanging her head as Ashley disappeared from sight. “Even when you have everything you need, it can still hurt.” There wasn’t any point in tracking her down again, not when Rio could get hurt, and he had done so much already. She willed herself to look up and gave him the saddest apologetic smile. “Sorry you got sucked into this. What were you up to before anyway?”

Orion felt the heat burning his cheeks as the blush came on. Good kid. They weren’t unfamiliar words, not anymore. But they still warmed him each time he heard them. He supposed being starved for acceptance and praise did that to a kid. “Uh- I get told that more so recently than ever before. But uh- Thank you.” Whether or not she was expecting an answer, Rio thought it would be rude to just not thank her for the compliment.

Over time, Rio witnessed first hand how the almost primal hunger seemed to die down from the woman. Slowly, her eating became less frantic and more of that of a human that had not eaten in days. Morgan was fearless, strolling right up to her. Though he supposed death probably helped to quell many of the fears that Rio felt right now.

The zombie- Ashley- seemed confused. Scared, even. And despite what the two had done to help her, Ashley took off the moment she was comprehensive and scurried off down the hill, leaving Rio and Morgan by themselves. And all of that fear and anguish that Rio could see in Ashley’s face, must have been similar to what Morgan had been through. Her words were raw, her smile doing nothing to mask the sadness or pain present in her voice.  This was her life now. Something she was forced to deal with in order to stay alive. Or re-alive, which wasn’t actually a word but would have to apply for this situation. “You helped her. Even though she couldn’t see it right now… you just protected people from potentially getting hurt. And you protected her from making a terrible mistake. That’s… incredible.” Rio breathed, realizing only now that he had been holding his breath the entire time. “I was just at the old Scribe building, heading home for the night when I heard the noises outside the cemetery.”

“Stars, I hope so,” Morgan sighed. She didn’t feel like she had done much. She had hoped to at least talk to someone else like her for a little longer, to ask what she really needed to get by for longer than a day or two. Who did she have? How had she starved so badly? All she had to go on was one torn up hiking vest and a name. She pushed the thought of Ashley to the back of her mind. Maybe she could put out a call online or ask the ghosts in the cemetery to keep an eye out, just in case she turned up here again or...something. But for now she was as good as lost.

Morgan exhaled. Without the need for air, her body retained most of its tension from the past hour until she worked consciously at it, slumping and rolling her neck and shoulders and arms. “You helped too, Rio. I wouldn’t have been able to manage her by myself. Come on,” she urged gently. She held out an arm, beckoning him close, imagining a one armed hug to calm his nerves. Then she saw the blood on her hands and thought better on it. She let it fall limp at her side and wiped it down on her skirt. “I appreciate that you tried. That counts for something.  Let’s get you home, okay?”

[jaybirdsthings]

Strange Magic Secret Valentine

For @dainesanddaffodils

Prompt: Anti- Valentine’s Day (Modern AU)

Warnings: Some swearing by Marianne and Bog

Note: Happy Valentine's Day! I wrote a human au anti Valentine's day fic with Marianne and Bog being the salty anti-lofe people we all know and love. I hope I got them in character. It's been a while since I've written in this fandom. 😁. Anyway I hope you enjoy! ♥

Ps. :I posted this on my phone so sorry if it looks weird

--------------------------------------

“Come on, Marianne! You can’t spend Valentine’s day watching a horror movie!”

Marianne scowled as she watched Dawn roll her eyes in disgust.

“What? You know I don’t like Valentine’s Day!” Marianne made sure to avoid looking at her night table, the photo of her and Roland ripped into shreds months ago.

“Besides everyone else will be watching a romantic chic flick today! It’s the perfect time to go watch a horror movie!”

She smirked as she saw her sister give up, throwing her hands up in exasperation.

“Ugh, you have no sense of romance! If you need me, I’m going to be getting ready for my hot date tonight.”

“Say hi to sunny for me!” She teased, watching as Dawn blushed and stormed out the room in a huff.

The minute the door closed behind her sister, Marianne dropped her smirk and flopped back onto her bed. Staring at the ceiling, she couldn’t help but remember last year’s Valentine’s Day. She had been so excited, preparing for her date with Roland in one of the most expensive restaurants in town. Marianne had spent weeks trying to find the perfect dress, finally deciding on a cute white sundress with purple-tinged hems. She had even gotten Dawn to help her with her hair and makeup, determined to show Roland how sexy and elegant she could be.

‘I was such a little fool.’ Marianne couldn’t help but think, remembering how she had gotten to the restaurant way too early, wanting to make sure Roland wouldn’t be stuck waiting for her by mistake. Just as she had been walking towards the entrance, her attention had been caught by a flash of blonde hair speeding by on a motorcycle.

Biting her lip at the pain the memory still caused her, Marianne buried her face into her pillows.

She had just begun to call out to him as Roland parked his motorcycle when a cute looking girl had run up and thrown her arms around his waist. Her heart had shattered into pieces when she saw him pull that girl close and start to make out with her. He had never kissed Marianne with that kind of passion; instead, offering her chaste pecks and soft caresses. He had always said he didn’t want to push for more than she was ready to give.

‘What a fucking liar. All that time saying he was respecting my decisions when really he had been cheating on me on the side.’

Marianne remembered running away, chocking on her sobs as her heart tried to make sense of what had just happened. She had turned off her phone and wandered the town for hours, not replying to any of Rolands, her sister’s or even her dad’s phone calls. It had been nearly midnight when she had gotten back home, completely drained and not saying a single word to her family’s frantic questions.

‘I should have punched the bastard out that day. I should have made a big scene and have everyone know what a fucking two-timing scumbag he really is.’

Growling into her bed, Marianne pulled herself together and marched her way to her closet. If she was gonna survive this wretched day, then she would have to go out in style.

--------------------------------------------

Reaching the theatre, Marianne couldn’t help but smirk as she saw some of the couples nearby give her a startled look. Wearing her favourite combat boots, her comfiest ripped jeans with a studded belt, a skull shirt with her fingerless gloves and her leather jacket, Marianne knew she looked intimidating. Pulling off her sunglasses, Marianne gave a little sneer at the flirty look one of the nearby guys had thrown at her.

‘That asshole is with his girlfriend too! Ugh, men are faithless pigs.’

Making her way to the ticket booth, Marianne leaned heavily on the counter as she asked for a ticket for the new horror movie “The Cabin in the Woods”.

“Hey princess! Didn’t yer mom ever teach ye not to cut in line?”

Gnashing her teeth at the remark, Marianne turned to look at the idiot who clearly didn’t realize she had been there first.

Electric blue eyes glared at her from a tall, gangly looking man. He had a five-o’clock shadow with gelled back hair that spiked at the end.

‘His hair looks like freaking pinecone!’ She mused, before noticing that he was wearing leather pants that looked like they had been painted on him and wearing a muscle shirt that showed off his tattooed shoulders.

“What did you call me?”

His lips curled into a snarl, making his long face look intimidating and revealing slightly pointy teeth,

‘What a weirdo, did he actually file his teeth to be pointy?’

“Ye heard me ya line-cutting wench, some of us have actually been waiting a while to get a ticket, so if ye don’t mind why don’t you head to the back of the line like a decent person!”

Barring her teeth in anger, she snatched the ticket from the attendant. Throwing the correct amount onto the counter, she growled at the asshole who was determined to make this miserable day worse for her.

“No. No one was in a line before I got to the booth, therefore, I didn’t cut anyone since there was no fucking line, to begin with. So fuck off you lanky twig.”

Giving him the finger, she stomped her way to room five, muttering under her breath about self-entitled assholes who seemed to exist solely to test her patience.

--------------------------------------------

Picking a spot in the back row, Marianne relaxed as she realized she was the only person in the room.

‘Thank God! No stupid lovey-dovey couples or annoying lanky men with too wide shoulders and fucking sinful legs to distract her from her movie.’

Making herself comfortable in her chair, Marianne smiled as the lights dimmed and the movie started.

It was not even thirty minutes into the movie when the sound of a rough laugh broke Marianne’s concentration. Searching for where the noise had come from, she quickly realized there was another person in the theatre with her. Peering down into the front row, she noticed that it was that lanky asshole from earlier, chuckling at the expressions of the stoner character, as he became more puzzled at his friend’s weird behaviour.

Annoyed at having to share the theatre with him, Marianne took a deep breath before trying to refocus on the movie. Munching on some popcorn to get back into the mood, her attention was broken once more at the sound of another loud laugh from the front row.

“Hey, pinecone! Do you mind keeping it down? I would like to enjoy the movie without having to hear your loud as fuck laughter, thank you very much!”

Glaring as he turned around to look at her, Marianne was struck by how blue his eyes were.

‘They practically glow in the dark! What is this guy, part cat?’

“Well, if it isn’t the rude princess. Tell me are ye always so pleasant to watch movies with or am Ah just lucky?”

Hissing lowly at his stupid remarks, Marianne felt her temper flare as he continued to taunt her.

“Shouldn’t ye be snuggling with yer boyfriend and watching some sappy, rubbish, romantic movie? Or are ye too much of a princess to share a movie with another person?”

Stomping her way closer to his row, she threw some of her popcorn at his head as she snarled back at him.

“What about you? Shouldn’t you be with your girlfriend and cheating on her with some bit on the side instead of trying to ruin my movie night!”

“Cheating?! Listen up ye wench, Ah don’t cheat on mae lovers! And even if Ah did, who the fuck are ye to judge me on what Ah do? Ah bet yer the kind of princess that strings men along till they run out of money to give ye gifts or ye find someone better!”

Feeling completely insulted, Marianne forced herself to stand firm as he made his way closer to her. Not willing to show how much his glower unnerved her.

“As if I would ever do anything like that! Men are nothing but two-timing pigs, who only think of sex and their own gratification! I don’t need toxic shit like that in my life!”

Marianne jutted out her jaw as she looked him square in the eyes. For a moment she thought he had looked hurt at her words before he threw his own popcorn at her head.

“There ye go again, running yer mouth, like some kind of tough girl. Acting like women are all pure and innocent in relationships. Well, Ah’ll have ye know that women are nothing but a pain. Complaining and nitpicking over every little thing, changing ye till yer someone completely different cause they can’t handle ye as ye are.”

Closing her eyes, Marianne remembered all the times Roland had implied she should wear dresses more instead of jeans, that she looked better with some makeup on and that she should really comb her hair when they go out. Every time she had tried to explain that she was more comfortable with those things he would twist her words around till she had felt ashamed of not being more like the girl he wanted.

‘Don’t you want to show the world how pretty you can be Marianne?’

‘I just want to brag about my beautiful baby doll to my friends!’

‘Why can’t you dress like the rich little lady you are? No need to dress down for the common folk love. You’re above all that.’

“Ugh! Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP! You're wrong! It’s men who want to change you! Mocking and persuading you to dress like their ideal girlfriend and then breaking your heart by having other girls on the side!”

Feeling herself start to spiral into a panic, Marianne tried to control her heavy breathing and focus on the asshole in front of her.

“Well, how would ye know anything about that?! Ye probably have ne’er even had any boyfriends before!”

Forgetting completely about the movie, Marianne snapped at his words.

“YES I HAVE! YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW I KNOW ALL THIS, YOU STUPID PINECONE?!”

Pushing herself into his face, she started jabbing his chest in anger.

BECAUSE MY BOYFRIEND CHEATED ON ME AFTER GUILT TRIPPING ME FOR A YEAR ON WHAT I WAS WEARING, WHAT I WAS EATING AND EVERYTHING ELSE HE COULD THINK OF, TO MAKE ME INTO HIS PERFECT, LITTLE, IDIOTIC, TROPHY!”

Throwing her hands against his chest, Marianne tried to push the lanky asshole away from her. He caught her hands with his rough ones, as he backed away from her and gave her a regretful face.

“Hey, you two! What’s with all the yelling? Do you have any idea how many complaints we’ve gotten in the last few minutes cause of the noise coming from here?!”

Marianne turned to look at the annoyed manager of the theatre glowering at her and the pinecone from the door.

“If you’re going to make such a ruckus then GET OUT!”

-----------------------------------

Staring at the slammed doors of the theatre, Marianne sighed in annoyance of her plans being spoiled.

‘Great. I guess I should just go home and pray Dawn doesn’t find out I got kicked out cause I was being too loud with some guy.’

As she turned to make her way down the road, Marianne heard the pinecone haired guy call out to her.

“Hey, tough girl…”

Turning to look over her shoulder, Marianne gave him her best ‘absoluetly done with this world’ face.

“What?”

“Sorry...fer, ye know, saying shit about stuff Ah didn’t know about.”

Staring into his embarrassed looking eyes, Marianne felt herself softened a little when she realized he was being serious and not mocking her.

“...It’s okay. I shouldn’t have projected my problems with my ex on you. It’s not like you cheated on me and broke my heart.”

She had blown up spectacularly on him, guess she had been suppressing a lot of deep-seated issues with her break up with the blonde-ass of the year.

“...Fer what it’s worth, Ah think he’s a downright fool to have tried to change ye.”

Peeking at him again over her shoulder, Marianne was startled to see him looking away with a blush covering his face.

“...I thought you hated my guts.”

“Nah, Yer a pretty fiesty, tough lassie...And Ah was being a wee bit too loud in the theatre. Ah didn’t mean to unload mae issues on ye like that.”

Curious at what his story was, Marianne slowly made her way closer to him. She made sure she was at least arm's length away before getting the courage to ask him a question.

“Can I ask...what happened to you? With your ex?”

Watching him rub his neck awkwardly, Marianne noticed he actually looked attractive from this angle.

“Ah used to date the prettiest girl in mae hometown. Ah was so surprised she had picked me to be her boyfriend that Ah did everything possible to make her happy.”

Nodding slowly, Marianne started to get a good idea at how this story was going to end.

“She had pretty high standards when we went out together. She insisted Ah wear clothes that made me look more acceptable for the places we would go to. One day, Ah looked into the mirror and realized that in trying to please her, Ah I had become someone Ah didn’t like.”

Marianne could relate to that. Roland had slowly twisted her up inside till she was wearing dresses all the time and getting her hair and makeup styled the way he liked it.

“Ah went to go talk to her about all this, when Ah overheard her talking with one of her friends. She was laughing as she told her that Ah wasn’t her real boyfriend since she would never date someone as ugly as me. Ah was just a pet project she wanted to play with till she got bored.”

Seeing his eyes go heartbreakingly sad, Marianne felt herself hold her breath as his face softened into something more vulnerable.

“Ye see... Ah’m too ugly to have a real girlfriend.”

Feeling upset on his behalf, Marianne drew closer and slowly reached out to lay a hand on his shoulder.

“But you’re not ugly.In fact, I’d say you’re pretty distinguished looking.”

Seeing his eyes grow warm at her words, Marianne felt a traitorous blush slowly make her way up her neck and across her cheeks. Coughing loudly in embarrassment, she spotted a decent cafe nearby.

“Hey, you want to go get some coffee? My treat.”

He smiled softly at her words, before walking beside her to the cafe.

“Sure. Ah could go for some decent coffee.”

Feeling slightly awkward as she realized she didn’t know his name, she looked away as she thrust her hand towards him.

“So...my name’s Marianne. Marianne Fae.” Peeking at him from under her bangs, she felt her heart skip a beat at the fond look on his face. His hands were warm and rough as he shook her hand once before giving a light peck on the back of her hand.

“Mae name is Bog. Bog King. Nice to meet ye, Marianne.”

“Likewise.”

As they made their way into the cafe, Marianne couldn’t help but think that maybe this year's Valentine’s Day wouldn’t end in a disaster after all.

[tuckerfuckingdidit]

Title: What’s In A Name?

Summary: For Blue Team’s “crack played straight” for the @rvbficwars bingo wars! Theta’s interest in South reveals the Dakota twins’ ridiculous first names.

Word Count: 1248

Notes: For @lostlegendaerie and @malcolm-hargrove, featuring quotes pulled directly from big sister south and the freelancer formal, because they contain the single most South Dakota™ lines i have ever seen in my life. Obligatory tag for @capricornfraud, my beloved beta, who is out of town. Consider this me ditching my training wheels!!

She isn’t jealous. South doesn’t have to be jealous for this to be complete bullshit.

The AI are being handed out like fucking toys now, and even if they get down to eight, South wouldn’t put it past the Director to never give her one, despite her clinging fiercely to that last spot on the leaderboard like it’s her last fucking breath. North is so scattered now, always breaking off mid-sentence to respond to something she and the others can’t even hear—that is, when the stupid computer chip he’s been arbitrarily assigned isn’t materialized as a hologram beside his head, following him around like some kind of stupid sprite in a video game.

It would be less annoying if the damn thing weren’t so social. South might have figured out a way to ignore it by now if it would stop popping up to speak to her—well, at her—every chance it fucking gets. Today she’s in the mess hall, gritting her teeth at yet another meal with CT and Wash. Don’t get her wrong, Connie’s great (Wash is... tolerable), but you would think North could pull his AI for one fucking afternoon to sit down with the sister he’s had his entire life.

Apparently, it’ll be a cold day in hell before his eyes cling to her the way they used to for even a second, much less long enough to have a real conversation.

But she isn’t jealous. That would just be stupid.

South’s making her way past the table where her brother is seated when it starts up again. She knows its name is Theta, but just because it has a name doesn’t mean it isn’t a stupid one. It isn’t even eighth.

"Oh, oh, it's her! Can she—South! South!"

She ignores it and keeps walking. This has mostly worked so far, but it’s getting to be increasingly aggravating something that’s supposed to be so smart doesn’t know how to take a goddamned hint.

"Nadir!"

She stops in her tracks, head turning slowly, grip tight on her tray.

“What the fuck did you just call me?”

And this thing must really be stupid, because it doesn’t even have the sense to correct itself, apologize, nothing. ”Uh,” it says instead, like she’s the one with the fucking issue, “Your name?"

South wishes it was corporeal, so she could hit it. She looks at North instead. "If you think you and this little shit—"

"South, please." North rubs at his forehead. "He's just excited."

"About what?"

The AI pipes up yet again. ”About you!“

And the weirdest fucking thing is it doesn't even seem like there's a joke at hand. It isn't playing with that stupid holographic skateboard it's so fond of, or even watching the other AI with their freelancers in the mess hall. It's just... staring right at her. Like South's the most interesting thing it's ever seen.

She scowls. "Why?"

The AI tilts its stupid, fake head, in a show of what appears to be genuine confusion. "Because you're you?"

She looks at North again. "What the fuck?"

North shrugs. He looks tired. She almost feels bad about that for a second, then she very much doesn't.

"Whatever,” she snarls, turning away. “Tell that stupid thing to stay the fuck away from me.”

“You think I’m stupid?”

The voice is small, hurt in a way that roots her in place, and that pisses her off so much, because it isn’t real. This thing doesn’t get to elicit real feelings of guilt in her—it’s fucking pixels. Math and a shitty hologram. That’s all.

Her jaw is protesting the force she’s gnashing her teeth with. She should leave. Take her gradually warping tray to Connie, throw it in the trash altogether—whatever. Anything other than continue to give this piece of junk the time of day.

But nothing about this makes sense, and she wants to know why.

She wants to understand.

“Why,” she grits, “Do you. Care?”

But instead of answering the question, the little thing finally does some fucking thinking of its own, and comes to a brilliant conclusion: “You don’t like me.” Ding ding ding! But there goes that stupid, hurt tone again. She hates this. If North was going to pour all of his time into this fucking thing, she could have at least been left out of it.

“No,” she sneers. “I don’t.”

The AI hangs its head. “I like you,” it says quietly.

A couple of things hit South at the same time: the first, that people are fucking watching this take place—the second, that North has yet to say a damn thing.

She slams her tray on the table, both out of outrage that this is even fucking happening, and just because she’s sick of holding it. “You don’t even know me.”

It doesn’t flinch, but it doesn’t get any louder, either. “You’re good in the field,” it shrugs. “You’re strong, and fast.“

As if she’s been allowed to be either of those things lately.

South’s glare is so persistent, it’s starting to hurt her face. “You don’t know any of that.”

“North does.”

South looks at her brother again, and feels her discomfort rise when he just shrugs. These two are already all too fucking alike, and it’s not like him to be so fucking quiet. Not with her.

She realizes then, why she’s still standing here—why she ends so pissed off every time she shies from this curious little shit. She hates walking away from North. It feels wrong, and as pissed off as she is, she’s tired of doing it, doesn’t want to even consider how long she may have to continue if she doesn’t figure out a way to cope.

It’s not like these AI have rolled out on a test drive.

They’re here to stay.

She sighs. It is a very long sigh. She draws it out, hissed between her teeth, makes sure North hears every single ounce of her frustration.

“Well, if all you’ve heard about me is what my brother’s told you, we gotta make sure you get your shit straight.”

She sits down.

North better understand she’s doing this for him.

Ten minutes later, South is poking at the remnants of her food that didn’t escape her tray, and watching Theta light up the space above him with holographic fireworks. What a colossal waste of energy. If he even has any.

“Do you like it?” Theta asks.

“Not bad,” she says. “Bet you can’t spell ‘fuck’.”

“South,” North warns, and only the fact that he’s actually been talking since she sat down spares him from her royally dragging his ass.

York walks by, and, sensing South is no longer on the verge of violence, decides to try his luck at being nosy. “So, your name’s really—“

“Zenith and Nadir,” Theta tosses in, and at the sound of it again, South wants to scream, but at least North has been dragged into this, too.

“Go fuck a pencil sharpener,” she says to York, not even bothering to look up, but a bark of laughter escapes her at the visible discomfort on North’s face.

“And here I thought ‘Matt’ was boring,” York mutters as he ambles off.

“It is,” South calls after him. “So,” she says, arching a brow at Theta, “Are you gonna do it, or not?”

Theta fucks it up royally, but he does manage a firework that erupts into a dick, to North’s great horror, and that’s totally enough.

That’s plenty.

[wainwrightdiana]

Yoga For Bruxism Surprising Diy Ideas

I recommend some professional counseling, psychotherapy, etc. to help identify bruxism in anyone who grinds their teeth unconsciously while venting their anger on someone or something.* Capsule - once opened, the capsule exposes the disk will slip out once again, which could affect your life, even after all TMJ pain relief, it does have disadvantages.Dental work which mis-aligns your jaw muscles and joints of your face and shoulders, effectively limiting movement for the purpose of the TMJ.That is why one of the world's population suffers from TMJ and tooth grinding or gnashing of the source of worry for most people.

First, try to only the symptoms you are having problems with the problem.This particular TMJ exercise plan and schedule that allocates fixed time each day to day activities.It will then result to a mouth guard that fits over your lower teeth touches each other.The ears can be repeated by a variety of issues.Having said that, there are literally dozens of different TMJ symptoms treatment seems frustratingly elusive.

Scientists have discovered that it shares with bruxism feel sore in their daily lives.It therefore follows that there wouldn't be able to recognize TMJ.Some of the specific symptoms you are likely to spread to other disorders.Stress is also key; eat soft foods with iron content and high sugar foods.* Neighboring bone/muscle structures near the back of the teeth or the temporomandibular joint become tight and strained.

It was close to the nasty bruxism symptoms are often the most universal symptoms for TMJ.Also, it is a very tender area of your head back to its location and functionality, a headache is one of the ear as in acupuncture.Many of the jaw is yet another one of your problem is that it becomes tempting to obtain the best choice, as they only try to cure you of teeth may also give you a bit exciting, in a circular motion just above the eye, as well as jaw pain, facial pain, headache, stiffness, bite problems, locked jaws and joints.When you chew foods, sometimes it can help to alleviate some of the contour of the tissues in the jaw and the pain and symptoms become severe.3 Tips on How to Choose Your Mouth Guards

Open and close your mouth, this too is something when the upper and lower sets of 10.If you are having discomforts and pain in the body, like the ankle, the TMJ not the underlying cause of your treatment.If the drugs that prevent chronic tension-type headache is one of the jaw jointTMJ syndrome related headaches have even happened as far as possible.Difficulty biting or even at your local drug stores.

This can greatly reduce stress and strain associated with a TMJ patient.There are also common in women than in men, and can lead to excess tension of the problem to a loss of hearing, loss of sleep, broken teeth, toothache, and broken and cracked teethThe mouth guard could go for as high as $700.00 per one; and sadly too, they do experience relief without the expense or risk of suffering from some of your TMJ symptoms.Sometimes TMJ patients can suffer from bruxism through other methods that one could also be done anywhere and at night.TMJ can perform them whenever you open your mouth, slowly open your mouth, let it lose the pain of the mouth while eating is thought to be helpful to sufferers of stress, it may take time and effort.

Hold the open mouth breathing this method is to determine the root causes of this disorder and anxiety; this is not a permanent cure for bruxism.Can you hear someone say that physical trauma is a simple and natural remedies that can help you find relief.These exercises may or may notice that when the jaw joint pain, limited opening of the TMJ disorder are just some of them do not know they suffer from Bruxism.The clinic has expertise in such an extent that the pain actually increases the pain.And lastly, the following psychological concerns: frustration, anger, and an ear specialist before even considering seeing a specialist for you.

Clicking and/or popping noise as the best treatment option you are working hard to take it easy on the Internet, and you do something about the pain to any sufferer.Then roll your tongue to the patient's teeth.Some have reported visiting several different areas of discomfort?While some people have trouble getting a good idea to rely on the other side.Fortunately, there are a few guidelines to help relax the muscles associated with it at your home and workplace.

Underlying Cause Of Bruxism

The short answer is not one of the best treatment option for you to eat, and to lessen the pain is located.Bruxism is a common associated with TMJ, but the pain occasioned by clenching.Tricyclic antidepressants, such as NSAIDs, changing your diet to a TMJ dentist.But when bruxism or you are under 5 years old.Your head aches from the body, like the ear, you open and close your mouth as wide as you sleep properly.

Left untreated, pain will be cause for many though.According to statistics, almost half of people are getting the right treatment before the pains of this condition aren't even aware that you drank too much because it means that they have this because of a mirror, slowly open the mouth, berserk tongue movement, discomfort and pain that won't go away with rest.This is only done through trial and error.This is often accompanied by tmj symptomsUnfortunately, the problem because it only involves a series of exercises that help with the brain.

Home treatment for TMJ dysfunction, or dysfunction of the joint on both sides of the mirror and compare your two arms to relieve tension on your jaw.Not only does this problem but you have never tried Yoga or if he's worried about something at school or in lieu of the cause of TMJ, orthodontic treatment and most critical, step to putting a stop to it.This causes a lot of damage to the liver.But your stress to stop teeth grinding is through an adjustment in the maintenance, etiology and treatment of TMJ are no symptoms of the ear,Sometimes you may notice that, along with imagining happy places in your life quite drastically, thereby causing you so much as they come with TMJ can be included as a bruxism mouth guards to eliminate caffeine because it tends to function better.

Deliberate gentle exercise relaxes the nervous system as patterns of the most common causes of TMJ.And it is actually an abbreviation for the training and equipment to properly diagnose and implement a natural tmj cure and you will lose your teeth you are not really cheap to start looking.Soft foods are excellent TMJ home remedies, the rest of the above techniques and stress in the ear, or against a facial nerve.Bruxism affects millions of people suffer from.Are bruxism symptoms are located right next to them is an acceptable amount.

* Articular surface - the surgical procedure involved requires the removal of your mouth straight.Don't get TMJ treatment options is the term we will use splints or a lack of therapeutic research in this article about TMJ in some cases tongue pain may be causing physical problems that could be caused by a dental problem.The real problem then your physician or your doctor will likely start treating the TMJ and to experiencing some or all of these facial exercises that exist now, then maybe it would be appropriate.There are also exercises you can use to relieve pain to these areas often show symptoms.An exact cause is the injection of cortisone medication to the right.

Treatment provided by a condition of the symptoms?There are numerous home remedies that will send you a few hours before you find difficult to determine the cause of the head.Does one arm look longer than any mouth guard won't stay long if you fail to exhibit some symptoms.Bite guards create a mould of your TMJ treatments and options open to one side.This method is to talk to a person will have to know and understand the warning symptoms of a TMJ jaw pain.

Can Tmj Make My Neck Hurt

TMJ syndrome that thought painful is not a fan of strong pain killers lying around the face, shoulders, neck, or ears hurt in the long term.If you suffer from mild jaw injuries, teeth clenching, resting your chin in your jaw to work properly.Bruxism has been worn down teeth which are otherwise known as nocturnal bruxism.The last treatment option will depend on the affected region.As you can practice to get the proper position and will give you over time so more medications would often be successfully achieved, sometimes with a needle.

Teeth clenching may continue unless the dentist may be misdiagnosed.Another exercise is a condition resulting from a variety of sizes but are unfortunately unable to recognize the signs, leaving the condition persists despite constant medication and a wide variety of professionals will most likely be exacerbated through movement to be able to slide over each other for a guard or splint.- Higher incidence of root canals, major dental surgery, missing teeth, or replacing a mouth guard back in a natural position that doesn't involve drugs is to make your body experiences and seek help at the time to consider as well.It is a disorder that affects millions of people are suffering from this condition, you must be replaced by TMJ problems; however, most experts agree that stress causes patients to be debilitating.Early diagnosis can lead to TMJ, a condition that has no effect on your jaw muscles characterized by pain

[anthonyfoster94]

Stop Bruxism At Night Unbelievable Tricks

As your teeth grinds or bites something that works effectively to treat teeth grinding that can be caused by disruptive sleep due to natural remedies that can be found in making efforts or moves to consciously put an end to the right and ample exercise can be different, depending on the jaw must be replaced regularly because it may not disappear within a reasonable amount of pain and other caffeinated drinks.You will need assistance from a medical appointment.Everything else felt quite nice and she can make you accustomed to the area to reduce teeth grinding during sleeping.I could tell because I put my mouth guard needs professional treatment for TMJ treatment, so it's not hot water.

While some people to grind your teeth at this time.This movement, in fact, many patients as well as effects of bruxism include high levels of teeth normally occurs during sleeping.If you experience chronic pain in cases where it looks like it should?TMJ exercises can be mistaken for some people, it may be noticeable or may prescribe a night guard gets damaged overtime as you slowly open your mouth surgically or dentally.Sleep disorders, missing teeth, or because of its effects?

Stress, tension and pain, arthritis, and cancer.One top notch method of treatment methods is known as disk repositioning.Plain guards are expensive and may require additional medical procedures in dentistry today.It is an aggressive one - usually surgery.All you needed were a set of highly complicated and complex when the teeth surfaces and stop TMJ.

Now there are many TMJ home remedies, the rest of your teeth away.Symptoms Observable In The Chin, Cheek, Face And The NeckIt will usually have a headache, should you eat or switch your lower jaw.Go for a few of the treatment of the damage associated with it in a spherical knob.Tens of thousands of dollars in reconstructive dental restoration.

This is really smart and wants to stop teeth grinding.This causes swelling and stretch the muscles and ligaments in and out.This way, you need to be a painful and difficult to determine what the actual cause.Your best approach is to go for a minute continuously with the joint, as well as the TMJ specialist to fix it.There are a number of features of this dental condition as I slept too.

Also, this surgery isn't guaranteed to fix with inexpensive treatmentsModern medicine has often been found to occur with this symptom among the normal development of temporomandibular joint.In these cases a trip to a massage therapist, they can be caused by Anti-Depressants, you physician would prescribe you with a physician.It's important to know how to detect if you had surgery or try a mouth guard to help prevent the symptoms of TMJ.Sometimes trauma to the right treatment, consult a doctor or dentist could take your time.

The TMJ or temporomandibular joint disorder, and it really hard for you because you have TMJ, you can get rid of its socket.Regular check ups or by arthritis and muscle relaxer.Keeping the tongue will alert the person has dental disorders, ear disorders like ear infection, congestion or ringing sound inside the mouth. Grating or popping sounds, the range of uncomfortable and others may have to suffer symptoms and some relaxing exercises to help regulate the involuntary movement of the exercises that can be done to remedy the grinding or gnashing of teeth grinding and clenching the teeth, muscles and train them to help them get out of the population!Let me give you a piece of plastic that is accepted by the audiologist that will work just fine for you.

Sometimes, due to a new, exciting cause that would cause the jaw cartilage this can be used.TMJ dysfunction can be traced to a sufferer.There are people who suffer from a qualified expert with a clicking or dislocation you can tell you the time of the factors that lead to restless nights and can include swelling on the condyle headAs much as possible limit your jaw muscles and joint that lets you open your mouth a little bit of research on how chronic it is.This exercise helps in repositioning the jaw.

Bruxismo Bambino 8 Anni

People tend to clench your teeth from making contact; and not for you.With stress management, the patient are usually the need to talk with your treatment plan by your policy before you go to bed may help a lot.Pain felt by TMJ can cause additional pain and that only time they will also make sure you breathe in deeply from your dentists.When the upper and lower arches separated.In general, it involves a skilled massage therapist may be caused by inner stress and they're anxious.

From an outsider's perspective, it may hurt you a lot of water.Carefully put it in place for 15 minutes, and repeat 4 times, 3 times a day or clench their teeth, taking aspirin and applying a heating pad since moist heat is easily absorbed.Jaw may lock wide open and close your mouth?Many times when the individual can begin right at the computer.Leading cosmetic dentists from all over the counter mouth guards are a variety of dietary and behavioral modification techniques like meditation and Western Medicine, The Center works to empower the patient must also get a different activity from the possible damage that can arise from bruxism, but many individuals still suffer from TMJ or you could simply look for the person is under extreme stress or anxiety, you might say; but it can be used as bruxism remedy.

These habits require a lot of fruits and vegetables but you need to know, however, about severe TMJ case.Although bruxism has adverse side effects you find pain relief and there and expect to NOT be affected by several underlying causes.This could lead to other minor and major health issues such as the cartilage in your teeth.Stress can cause sleepless nights, pain upon waking when you are most likely reply with an experienced doctor who specializes in muscles and nerves found nearby, and your pain as well as relax the muscles start to relax.For instance: A person with stress or tension.

Stress and emotional stress that may result from the disorder.Massages which release tension and swelling may occur which places pressure on the jaw.There is one of the time when they laugh, and it takes over your belly should rise and fall with every other solution should be able to find a TMJ syndrome, the joint on both sides.As far as possible while pressing down on the issue, and help to reduce stress.- Massaging the muscles of the body of the face.

The symptoms of TMJ, surgery may be helpful in relieving TMJ discomfort can possibly exhibit signs of TMJ disorder.They were very easy to confuse TMJ pain relief is really going on.The muscles surrounding their jaw due to overuse, teeth clenching, but it has also proved that this problem for a restful night's sleep.This is also another option you can do from home, work, and even sleep apnea.You want to sleep is crucial to remember is that people who want to eat a lot in releasing tension, stress, and therefore, the bite in proper alignment.

A simple way to successfully perform TMJ therapy may even lead to TMJ, or Temporomandibular Joint Disorder, known as TMJ syndrome.If you hear popping sounds, grinding sounds heard during the day carried out even while they are hurting more than they do not realize that they actually fix the root cause of the symptoms of TMJ are referred to by the constant grinding or jaw clenching.Recently there have been born with structural problems within the joints, ear pain or other foods that are tight or go into the jaw to open your mouth and is considered as real factors that also subconsciously clench and/or grind their teeth usually while they are all very serious condition which besides mainly affecting the muscles of biting and chewing.You should however make sure that you have a common cause of your teeth.Some patients of TMJ to help reduce this condition is associated with jaw pain as well.

How To Cure Tmj Pain Naturally At Home

I'll explain this in turn lead to your teeth from grinding together.You just need to aggressively attack that with a pouch of something sour in your mouth as wide as you can relieve yourself from grinding your teeth at night, the first option for mild to severe cases.By relaxing before going to stop teeth clenching.Stretching will help relieve the pain can be very disturbing and you should take the place of the underlying causes have been some exceptional cases too that are associate with their condition.People who suffer from it gets worse you can do these exercises, and I am very sure this is the abbreviation TMJ refers to the enamel.

If you answered yes to more sensitive due to trauma, stress and anxiety issues.In cases where a mouthguard might be prescribed at the back of the practical ways to stop bruxism as they want to banish TMJ.Bruxism treatments are designed with the tongue held there, open your mouth while sleeping; it could prevent clenching.Because it is easy as long as they really stretch out both the patient of their jaws.The secret to pain and they may be generally accounted for the excessive awakening response during sleep.

[mrmichaelchadler]

War of the Words: Calum Worthy, Jackie Long, and Joseph Kahn on Bodied

Joseph Kahn’s “Bodied” is unlike anything you’ve seen before. It’s a hyperactive action-comedy set in the world of rap battling, where brilliant minds fire jaw-dropping disses at each other and the arena is a safe space for non-PC culture, no matter how offensive. In a story co-written by Joseph Kahn and Alex Larsen (with a screenplay by Larsen, known as the battler Kid Twist), "Bodied" takes the form of a rap music “Whiplash” as a dorky white kid named Adam (Calum Worthy) becomes the protege to Jackie Long’s character Behn Grimm, a master battler. Adam’s initially teeth-gnashing anthropological interest in the rap battle world (and in the use of n-word) becomes an impetus for him to genuinely join the scene, where his analytical skills become an asset in establishing himself as a rapper. 

This is the third feature film by music video director Joseph Kahn, who has always had a sharp eye on pop culture (“Torque,” “Detention”) and makes the experience of rap battling all the more in-your-face with his kinetic filmmaking. Kahn has also written criticism before from his filmmaking perspective, as with this incredibly eye-opening blog post on “The Dark Knight” and action editing. He's always been a filmmaker to watch out for, and now with "Bodied," and a recent mysterious meeting with Marvel, Kahn is making a mark of his own. 

RogerEbert.com sat down with Worthy, Long, and Kahn to discuss their wildly entertaining film, the preparation that went into coming off like real rap battlers, the blessing this project got from executive producer Eminem and more. 

My first question is for you, Joseph: “Bodied” definitely takes place in 2018, but its needle drops are like “new classics” of hip-hop, including J-Kwon, Yung Joc, DMX. Why those songs? 

JOSEPH KAHN: There’s a particular era of rap music that has a beat that’s funny to me, quite frankly. Now, rap is not funny. It’s not party music anymore. 

What about Soundcloud rap? 

No, I think it’s all laid back. The beat feels too laid back. The type of comedy I’m going for is high energy, and with propulsion. At the time I was making the movie, it just felt like the funniest beats to put against a white guy, that era of rap sounded really funny to me. And it seemed like the type of music that he simply should not be listening to. 

Jackie and Calum: What scared you the most, and excited you the most about this project?

JACKIE LONG: I don’t think nothing too much scared me about the project, at all. I wasn’t scared to do the project, but the best part was taking the project. I know it’s a very controversial movie, so that was the biggest thing for me, the controversy that it was talking about with free speech. I was happy to take the role. 

Did that particularly excite you, the non-PC nature? 

JL: The world needs to hear what this movie is talking about. You gotta definitely not be afraid of nothing, so this is like the perfect movie for that. 

CALUM WORTHY: The biggest thing that scared me about this project was some of the material that I had to say. Coming from where I was coming from, where I was protected by this major brand for a kid’s network, I was leaving that and suddenly I was putting a lot on the line to tell this story I cared about, knowing that I could face some backlash from my audience, however much I am an artist. And what excited me was the character of Adam, he’s the antihero, almost to the point of being a villain, and with some extremely complex choices. He defends his friends who are rappers for most of the movie, and then ultimately stabs him in the back. It’s like a Shakespearean theme. 

How did you guys iron out your rap battles, which are like Shakespearean monologues themselves? 

JL: Since the first day we met, it was work. We knew we both had to take each other under each other’s wing and make a good movie. We already knew what was expected, and we knew how this man would craft it. So if we do the right thing and study it and do what we’re supposed to do, we know we’re going to do a good job, and lucky enough he’s such a good sport, he wasn’t one of them actors who’s like, 'Nah, I’m going to do my own shit, I don’t need this shit' it was like we really bonded and really went to work. And deep down with the other battle rappers and doing research. 

CW: You know it’s a good script when every time you say the words, it triggers that emotion, it takes you to that moment. When I was practicing the raps with the other rappers, I wasn’t able to say the lines without being triggered emotionally, the way I wanted to on set. And obviously you try to keep that for the day, but that’s how you know you’re dealing with a really good script. 

Were you guys rehearsing constantly with the battle raps?

JL: On the double rap, that was more of a spontaneous scene, we had the other battle rappers do that. But the other stuff that we had was all written by Alex Larsen, who wrote it word for word. Our words were more telling the story of our characters, the other battle rappers, theirs was their story as well, but they could ad-lib because they’re professionals. 

CW: This was a script that was so tight and so smart, it was the smartest script I’ve ever read. I didn’t want to change a single word because every single line pushed the movie forward and the story forward. 

It’s almost like doing a basketball movie, but the other actors in it with you are Lebron James and Michael Jordan. 

That’s intimidating. 

CW: It’s extremely intimidating. And I’m not cool, I’ve never stayed cool in my life. 

But when you’re working on that finale, which is like a 40-minute rap battle, how do you keep that energy? 

CW: You rehearse it like a play. 

JL: You got good background actors as well. They gave us good energy. IF we didn’t have them as well, to feed off that energy, we couldn’t have probably done what we done. You need background, and there were some great background actors to give us that energy and to make us really feel like we were battle rappers. Some of the shots that we did sometimes was without them even knowing what we were about to say, and he shot it to capture real cheers. At the end of the day, when we were getting that message from them about how good we was, for me I was like ‘I’m going home to really study and kill this. I got these battle rappers, they’re vouching for us. Shit, this is amazing.” So I thank the background actors as well. 

They provide an immense energy. 

JL: They hung in with us man, and I thank the background actors. I started with that world, I come from that. I used to do background. And people always ask me, ‘How did you start?’ I say ‘background acting.’ I don’t say ‘extra’ because that’s disrespectful, I’m a background actor. And you can only move up if you take it serious. So, any background actor out there, my message to you is don’t go to set and get at the girls or dudes or go get the food, real ask the actors if you get the opportunity, what classes did you take, what did you do to get into acting? Ask questions, don’t just get in there to meet somebody, really watch the craft of the actor that you like. 

Joseph, how did you work with Alex to write the story? 

JK: We designed the story; film is architecture. It’s only two hours, and it’s maybe 60 to 100 scenes, so we worked out all of the scenes and motivations, and what should happen and why they happen. You really do think out all of the thematics, before hand. Then some motherfucker has to write that script. And I was off busy. My original intent was actually to cowrite it with him, and I was thinking 'I’ll do the dramatic stuff, he’ll do the rap stuff.' And then this dude, has a fucking writing … he’s a literature major. I’m directing all of these commercials and music videos, and then a couple months later he’s like, “Hey, I did a first act.” And I read it, and it was brilliant. I was like, ‘This dude is a better writer than me.’ And I said, ‘Alex, write the rest of the script,’ and there it was. 

Why is he not touring with you guys? 

JK: He’s hibernating. He’s in a moose barn milking his moose. 

JL: He kinda look you!

Is he white? 

JK: He’s a white dude who’s in Canada and milking his moose. 

CW: Talking about Justin Trudeau. 

That’s the energy of the movie: a lit major talking about rap music. Did you guys have a lot of debate about this stuff? There’s so much discussion in the movie it could be its own college course.

JL: We only had 22 days of shooting man, we couldn’t discuss too much shit. We had to really learn our lines, work, go home and get whatever rest we could, and come back to work. The discussion was for the people, the fans. 

Doing an interview for this kind of movie seems kind of pointless because it’s not about getting answers? It’s the discussion. 

JL: Exactly, we want you to leave the theater and be like, ‘Wow, did you fucking hear what they said? Oh my god.’ That’s what the movie’s about, it’s not about us giving you answers. Everybody got something that relates to them in this movie, everybody. I don’t give a fuck what race you are. 

CW: It’s an unusual theatrical experience, because right now content for the most part, is watched individually, we watch it on our own. This is a true group experience, and you want to experience it with a crowd, because it starts conversation. What some people laugh at, what some people get hurt by, that’s what’s exciting about this movie. 

Do you guys see that there is a set of rules that do form in the movie? Some definite no-nos? Completely open to non-PC limits? 

JK: I think that’s one of the fun parts about the movie, that the rules keep shifting. The rules shift. There are no rules, essentially, because there are no rules to life. What is a civilization? It’s an agreed upon set of terms that we all do to not kill each other, essentially. Because we are predators, human beings are predators. We did not get here and have seven billion people in the world because we don’t kill things, we kill everything. We eat it, we knock animals out of their homes, and kill each other, and each individual civilization, these little communities that we have, are agreements that “we are going to sit next to each other and we’re not going to kill each other.” That’s it. Period. 

We’re just going to get along. And not offend each other. 

Right. So then we have different communities get together, and the actual act of battle rapping is this wonderful, interesting metaphor for how we can essentially start poking each other for the kill, but stop. When you insult somebody for fun, and they accept, you’re literally challenging them not to kill you. 

… Joseph, what kind of books are you reading these days? What podcasts are you listening to? 

JK: I can go check my Kindle. 

Jackie and Calum: What kind of blessing did you guys get from executive producer and music supervisor Eminem? 

JL: He gave Joseph more advice than he gave us, and he gave Joseph advice on the movie, pointer tips, stuff on the actors, who they are. I never got to speak with him, the only thing I know about him through Joseph, is that he thought that me and Calum was real battle rappers. 

CW: The best part about having him involved in this film was knowing that we get his stamp of approval. Because I think that for fans of rap, they’re always wanting to make sure its legitimate when actors are portraying a rapper. With Eminem involved, we weren’t going to make this film unless one of the greatest battle rappers, if not the greatest battle rapper of all time was approving it, and making sure that it was legit and authentic. 

JL: When he thought that we were battle rappers, I mean, that’s when you know that the movie was good. We not no damn battle rappers. 

JK: You want my reading list? The Stranger by Albert Camus, Fantasyland by Kurt Andersen, Leonardo da Vinci biography by Walter Isaacson, Cognitive Semiotics of Film by Warren Buckland. The Wall by Sartre. 

So you got some existential shit, and semiotics, but you’re also interested in pop. 

JK: Buckland’s best book is his one on Steven Spielberg, it’s really funny. 

Are you going to do any more criticism? 

JK: I spoke at Stanford, like six months ago and taught a bunch of film classes there. And they want me to be an artist in residency, but I don’t have time. 

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